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inastateofmind · 3 years

Text

one day / rafe cameron

a.n. YAY for my first fic!!! please be nice because i really do not know what i’m doing. hopefully it’s okay though. feedback is greatly appreciated. let me know what yall want to see next or if i’ve left out any warnings or anything like that!

pairing: non canon rafe cameron x fem!reader

summary: y/n tutors sarah and is pining after rafe, little does she know, rafe is pining after her too. song fic inspired by one day by tate mcrae! i do not own any lyrics used. lyrics are italicized.

word count: 2440

warnings: unrequited love induced angst, fluff, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sex if you squint, jealousy, kelce being kelce

“She stares at her ceiling once again with a hundred thoughts,

‘Maybe he knows who I am, probably not.’”

Y/N laid in her room quietly, Olivia Rodrigo’s “enough for you” playing faintly in the background while she stared at the ceiling above her. School had just started two weeks ago and her feelings for Kook King Rafe Cameron had only intensified since then. Working for the school’s student services, she had been assigned to tutor Sarah, which left Y/N seeing Rafe more often than her heart could physically handle. The two of them hadn’t talked much, only sharing a few passing comments to each other while she confided in his home with Sarah. The reality of their relationship was that the older Cameron sibling probably hardly knew her name, however that did not stop her from harboring feelings for him from afar for almost two years.

“She walks down the hall with her head down low, scared to meet his eyes

Even when she hears his voice she's swarmed with butterflies”

The halls of the Kook Academy were crowded with girls in short skirts and crop tops and boys in polos and khakis when the bell rang for lunch. Y/N stopped by her locker to switch out her textbooks for the second half of her day, keeping her head low as she weaved in between the crowd. “Dude, I just don’t get it. I basically used Grammarly for the whole thing and I still got a C?” She could make out Kelce’s voice in all the commotion due to the volume of his outburst. A giggle slipped out of her lips as she slipped past him, knowing the teachers in this school know when the students use programs like Kelce’s to write their papers. “Sorry, Y/L/N, is something funny?” The boy stepped towards her, causing her to finally lift her head and meet the eyes of everyone who was around. Y/N’s eyes were immediately drawn to Rafe’s, and then fallen to the hand that gripped around Kelce’s arm, making him step back from the shy girl in front of him, “Man, leave her alone.” Her eyes met Rafe’s again as he smiled at her, causing butterflies to swarm her insides as she turned and walked away, leaving Rafe victim to Kelce’s teasing of his “crush.”

“It’s impossible to get you off my mind, I think about a hundred thoughts and you are ninety-nine

I’ve understood that you will never be mine, and that’s fine — I’m just breaking inside”

“You look so hot, Y/N,” Sarah complimented, curling the last piece of her own hair while Y/N stared at herself in the mirror. Sarah had insisted she come to the annual bonfire, and in return had offered to help her get ready. “Rafe is going to die when he sees you tonight.” Y/N thought her heart stopped right then and there. She spun around quickly, staring at Sarah. “What?” Sarah laughed, fluffing her hair as she stood up. “Y/N/N, you can’t hide that from me. I figure out everything.” Y/N sighed and made her way towards the door, opening it for Sarah to lead the way. “For what it’s worth, I think he’s got a thing for you too.”

—

The bonfire was not Y/N’s scene, to say the least. By the time her and Sarah arrived, many people were already wasted. The number of people in the small space was enough to send Y/N into fight or flight mode, but Sarah was quick to pull her into the crowd with a drink and start dancing. Several songs passed before Y/N found Rafe, who already had his eyes on her. She blushed, suddenly feeling very self conscious. Was this crop top too cropped? Has she danced too bad it’s been embarrassing? Is it obvious she doesn’t belong here? She must’ve been lost in her thoughts for some time, because next thing she knew, Rafe’s hands were resting on her hips, bringing her back to earth. “Anyone home?” He joked, tapping her hips with his fingers. She laughed lightly, her nerves flowing through her body. Rafe leaned into her ear, his breath warm against her cold skin, “You look really good.” This small compliment mixed with the alcohol coursing through her veins gave her a new found confidence. She smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. “You don’t look too bad yourself, Cameron.” Y/N swore she saw a faint blush on the notorious bad boy’s cheeks, but she would never be too sure, because as quick as their moment started, it ended. “Rafe! Beer pong let’s go!” Topper yelled from behind Rafe, a crowd cheering at the mention of Rafe’s name. The boy sighed and rolled his eyes. Y/N placed a hand on his chest, “Go,” she smiled, “You can find me later.” Rafe smiled at her before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ll be back.” Y/N watched as Rafe ran into the crowd chanting his name, laughing as he turned around and pretended to have Topper “crown” him as the beer pong king before beginning their game.

—

An hour had passed when Y/N had begin to feel tired of chatting up random people from school. She had consumed a few more drinks while waiting for Rafe to come find her, however he never came. She decided to take things into her own hands and find Rafe herself. Standing from the log surrounding the bonfire, she swayed slightly as she walked around the small space searching for Rafe. She didn’t see him anywhere, so she had assumed he had left on his own accord. That is, until she heard whistling from Topper and Kelce. “Okay Rafey boy!” She turned quickly to see Rafe helping a skinny blonde from their calculus class into his car. Suddenly, her shoes were the most interesting thing at the bonfire. Y/N felt stupid for ever thinking Rafe cared or was attracted to her, and she felt even more stupid for thinking he was really going to come find her. “Hey,” she turned to see Sarah smiling at her sadly. “John B’s here to take us home,” Y/N cut her off, tears pooling in her eyes. “I’m going to go back to mine actually.”

“He always walks the crowded halls and is blinded by this light

A girl who keeps her head down low and never shows her eyes”

Rafe spent most of his time at school surrounded by an entourage. However, as of recently, his main focus hasn’t been the popularity or the girls flocking his way, but more so a specific girl: Y/N. He watched her in class while she worked ahead of the teacher, he noticed how she got anxious in the crowded hallways, he loved how she opened up while she hung out with Sarah after school. He had never felt so attached to a girl before, especially one he had hardly talked to. Something about Y/N just kept drawing Rafe in, making him want to be a proper gentleman and get to know her— all the weird little things and the seemingly unimportant things too.

“He tried to talk to her but there’s no easy way

‘Cause every time he raises his voice, she runs away”

“Y/N! Hey, wait up!” Rafe yelled down the hallway, running after the girl as she beelined it to her locker. “Y/N,” She opened her locker, shoving her books into it with a sigh. “What do you want, Rafe?” His eyebrows furrowed at her tone. He didn’t understand. At the bonfire, things had been going so good. Now, he could barely get the girl to glance in his direction. “Why are you avoiding me? I thought at the bonfire…” She cut him off, slamming her locker shut. “Yeah, I thought things at the bonfire were going good too, until you left me there to go off with some girl,” She shrugged, turning and walking away before Rafe could even respond. He ran a hand through his hair out of frustration. The reality of the situation: the girl from the bonfire was truly just a friend who was far too wasted and vulnerable to get home on her own, and Rafe recognized that and offered to take her home. He couldn’t blame Y/N for thinking otherwise though, seeing as he did have quite the reputation. He glanced once more in the direction she walked off into before going to meet the younger Cameron sibling for advice.

“Oh, it’s impossible to get you off my mind

I think about a hundred thoughts and you are ninety-nine.

I’ve understood that you will never be mine and that’s fine,

I’m just breaking inside”

Rafe spent the next few afternoons in the comfort of the country club with Kelce and Topper, avoiding his home at all costs until he was sure Y/N was done tutoring Sarah. He wanted nothing more than to go home and steal the girl from his sister so they could talk things out, but he knew that would ultimately make things worse, so he kept his distance. However, the phrase “distance makes the heart grow fonder” rang true, because Y/N was the only thing on his mind. By Wednesday afternoon, he finally gave in, going straight home from school. Wednesdays for Y/N and Sarah were typically their “relaxation” day before cramming for tests on Thursday, so Rafe expected to walk into the living room to find the two of you curled up on the couch. However, the house was oddly quiet and the driveway empty. He texted Sarah, asking where they were.

“John B’s. Be back by dinner.”

John B’s?

Y/N was at John B’s?

Rafe shook his head, opening Snapchat. He looked at Sarah’s story, a picture of her, Kiara and Y/N on the HMS Pogue. He smiled at how happy she looked. The next picture was one of Sarah in John B’s lap, with Y/N in the background sporting JJ’s hat and seemingly swatting at him while he reached to take it back. Rafe’s heart dropped slightly, staring at this picture a little longer than necessary. Maybe if he would’ve stayed with her at the bonfire, that could’ve been them. Now he had basically walked the girl of his dreams into the arms of JJ Maybank.

‘Maybe it’s better this way,’ He thought.

But maybe he didn’t want better.

“One day, maybe she’ll stay and start to head over his way

And one day, she’ll look into his eyes and instead of breaking, she’ll call him ‘Mine’

One day, he’ll grab her by the waist and force them to meet face to face

One day he’ll look into her eyes and say that ‘You’re my only light’”

His phone ringing at 1 in the morning woke Rafe from his sleep, not even bothering to see who was calling before answering. “It better be important if you’re waking me up,” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “Rafe, you’re too sweet sometimes, you know?” Rafe rolled his eyes, staring at the clock. “Topper, why did you call me?” His patience was wearing thin, but he knew Topper wouldn’t have called him without reason at this time of night. “I just wanted to tell you I just passed Y/N walking home by herself, I asked if she wanted me to give her a ride and she said no, but she looked pretty shaken up. I’ve still got an eye on her but I thought you might want to come,” Topper didn’t have to finish, the minute the girl’s name had fallen out of his mouth Rafe was throwing on a sweatshirt and slipping into shoes faster than he ever has before. His mind was running a million miles a minute.

Why was she out this late by herself?

Why didn’t she call someone?

Did something already happen?

Rafe grabbed his keys and sped to Topper’s shared location, slowing down once he saw his jeep ahead of him. “I’ve got her, man. Thanks.” He hung up before pulling his car off onto the side of the road. “Y/N,” Rafe spoke as he got out, loud enough that she could hear it was him and not startle her. She turned quickly, staring at him as he approached her slowly. “I just wanted to go for a walk,” she mumbled, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “I didn’t mean to scare anyone.” Rafe nodded. “I’m not mad at you, but it’s late,” he spoke gently. He could see on her face she was upset and he didn’t want to make it worse. Y/N was looking everywhere but at him. She was nervous, embarrassed, everything in between. “Hey,” Rafe whispered, placing his hands on her waist like he did at the bonfire. Her eyes met his and he could read her like an open book. He saw the nerves. He saw the sadness. “Let’s get you home.”

The car ride back to the Cameron household was quiet, but not uncomfortable. Rafe kept one hand on the wheel and one locked in Y/N’s, glancing over at her every few minutes to make sure she was doing okay. Back at the house, he provided her clothes to change into while he grabbed some drinks for them. Y/N sat on his bed, preparing herself for what she was about to do. It was the reason for the walk, the reason for the silence in the car. Honestly, this could be an awful time to do it, but there was no turning back now. “Okay, so I’ve got chips, cookies, water, Pepsi, mountain dew,” “Rafe.” Y/N cut him off, staring at him as she sat criss crossed on his bed. He sat everything down and stared at her, encouraging her to continue. “This could be a bad time to tell you, but I like you. I went on that walk because I needed to get you out of my head but then you showed up so clearly it didn’t work and honestly I’ve liked you for a while, and you don’t have to like me back, oh no you’re laughing,” She cut herself off at the sight of Rafe chuckling and moving towards her. “Why are you laughing?” Y/N whispered as he got close enough that he could feel his breath on her skin. “Because,” Rafe smiled, “I like you too.”

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #rafe x reader #obx #rafe x you #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fic #obx imagine #obx fic #outer banks #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you

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storiesforallfandoms · 3 years

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driver’s license ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 2520

request?: no

description: in which a new song reminds her too much of her ex, and leads them to reconnect

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, angst, sadness

based on this song (of course)

masterlist

Who knew that a song by a 17 year old could cause so much hurt to be brought back for me? Not to bash 17 year olds or anything, but when I was 17 I could never write something so heartbreakingly beautiful.

I was on my way home from work when the song came on the radio for the first time. I was captivated by the lyrics immediately and found myself having to pull over because I couldn’t stop crying. It took a solid five minutes and having to play my happy playlist on Spotify before I finally felt okay enough to get home, however the minute I got in through the door I found the song on Spotify and listened to it all night.

The lyrics connected with me in a way that a song hadn’t in years, and the pain in the singer’s voice opened up fresh wounds that I had thought were long closed.

She's so much older than me She's everything I'm insecure about

Of course he ended up with her. Even if he hadn’t actually left me for her, he always told me there was nothing between them besides on screen chemistry. And now they were dating and supposedly “so in love”.

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

He wrote so many songs about me. He played every one of them for me after writing and recording them, just to get my approval and my okay to put them out. They were beautiful songs - songs in which he promised forever. He’d always said he was going to marry me one day, make me the mother of his future kids. His “forever girl”.

Can't drive past the places we used to go to 'Cause I still fucking love you, babe

God...did I ever still love him.

Our relationship didn’t get a proper closure. At least, not on my end. It all happened so fast. He came home after a long tour and was silent the whole night. He didn’t even try to make love to me the way he always did after being away from me for so long. The next morning, he told me over breakfast that he had lost feelings for me. He asked me to get my things and take them back to the apartment I still had despite basically living out of his home. Then he left, saying he didn’t want to be there to watch me leave.

After that, it was like he stopped existing. Well, it was like Colson Baker stopped existing. Machine Gun Kelly was everywhere, especially after announcing his new relationship with Megan Fox, in which he made sure to post pictures and videos with her basically every week. But the Colson I knew and loved stopped existing. He blocked me on everything, even my phone number. He didn’t reach out to me, neither did Casie. I figured the latter was because her father told her not to, which almost hurt more than the breakup did. I loved Casie like my own daughter, and I loved Colson more than anything. And in the span of 12 hours, I lost both of them.

I credited that non-closure to the reason I had such a hard time moving on, even after being broken up almost a year. I really thought I was okay, until I heard fucking Olivia Rodrigo singing about her own heartbreak, and it made me remember mine was still fresh.

On one day that my thoughts were becoming too dark to bare on my own, I decided to go out for a drive to clear my head. I turned on the song, just to make myself more depressed I guess. I wasn’t really paying attention to the road (not good, I know) and, I guess by some muscle memory, I found myself driving down Colson’s street. I hadn’t realized where I was until I saw his familiar house, which his familiar car in the driveway...and his familiar tall frame getting out of it.

My breath caught in my throat and I was sure I was about to crash the car. I looked at him for a little too long, every good memory we ever had rushing back in that moment. He was looking down at his keys as he bumped the car door shut with his hip. I wondered if Megan was in the house waiting for him, and found that that thought hurt me more than actually seeing him.

I saw his head lifting, looking in my direction, for a split second before my eyes darted back to the road. I hoped he couldn’t see me in the driver’s seat, or that he didn’t see me looking at him. I hoped he just thought I was a random car passing through the neighborhood. If he couldn’t see that it was specifically me driving, there was no way he’d know it was my car. There were too many cars like it.

My heart was racing and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes again. I knew I had to pull over, but I was still too close to his house to feel comfortable stopping. I blinked my tears away and continued driving, trying to steady my heartbeat as I drove to the coffee shop just at the end of his road. The one we always used to go to.

I got out and went inside, hoping that getting something to eat and drink would help me to settle down before I drove home. I ordered an iced coffee and a muffin and took it to sit in a booth tucked away in the back of the coffee shop. I was trying to distract myself with my phone when someone approached and spoke.

“Hey.”

My whole body tensed up as I looked up to see - of course - Colson stood over me.

“Hey,” I said. I cringed at how hoarse my voice sounded. God, pull it together (Y/N).

“I thought that was you driving past my place,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets awkwardly.

“Yeah, sorry,” I said, trying to come up with some excuse on the spot as to why I was in the neighborhood. “I haven’t been to this place in so long and found myself craving some coffee. I guess...it was just muscle memory to come through your way to get here.”

“Don’t apologize,” he said. “I...I actually got a little excited. I thought...I thought maybe you were coming over for a second. I forgot...”

His voice trailed away.

How could he forget we broke up when he was the one who dumped me? And he was the one who moved on soo effortlessly?

“Can I sit?” he asked.

I shrugged in response. “Free country.”

He chuckled at my joke, and my heart did an involuntary flip. God, I missed that laugh.

He sat across from me in the booth and looked down at his hands. I stared down at the food in front of me, suddenly feeling too queasy to eat. Instead, I took another sip of my iced coffee.

“How have you been?” he asked.

The questioned annoyed me.

How have I been?! Well, let’s see: you absolutely shattered my heart, went MIA on me and took your daughter with you, started seeing the much older, much prettier actress that you told me you had no feelings for and decided to rub it in my face through social media, all while I have been so broken for nearly a year that I constantly have friends and family checking in on me to make sure I’m still alive. How the fuck do you think I’ve been?!

I decided not to respond that way though, even though I was aching to make him feel bad for what he did to me. I knew it was the smarter option to try and be the bigger person in this situation.

“I’ve been okay,” I responded, trying to be as vague as possible. “Not too much as happened really. Still...same old me.”

I didn’t ask him how he was, because I already knew. He knew that I knew, because how could I not? His face was plastered everywhere, usually sucking on Megan’s face as well.

“It’s cool to see you,” he said instead. “I...It’s been too long.”

“Well, it tends to be hard to communicate when you block someone on everything overnight.”

I quickly took a sip of my iced coffee, almost wishing that would put the words back in my mouth.

Colson winced. “Yeah, that was...that was wrong of me. I...I’m sorry.”

“Why the fuck are you here, Colson?” I finally snapped. So much for being the bigger person. “Couldn’t you have just watched me drive past in peace? Did you have to follow me?”

“I felt like I had to,” he said. “I wanted...I wanted to know I hadn’t just seen you this time like all the other times I saw a car that looked like yours. I had to know if it was actually you this time. And I...I had to see you in person again.”

“You could’ve called at any time,” I reminded him. “Or messaged on social media, or even just texted. You could’ve even sent a fucking letter, Colson! If you wanted to see me that bad, you had ways of reaching out. You decided not to, you decided that the break up meant I was non-existent to you anymore.”

“I know!” he snapped back, his hand hitting the table and causing the contents on it to rattle. All eyes in the coffee shop were staring at us for a brief moment before going back to what they were doing. “I fucking know, and it was the worst fucking mistake I’ve ever made. I’m so sorry, (Y/N), I was a complete idiot.”

“Sorry means nothing to me, Colson,” I told him. “Sorry doesn’t undo the year of heartbreak and agony you put me through. Sorry doesn’t undo the fact that you left me for six months to go on tour, that you texted and called me every morning and every night to tell me how much you loved me and how you couldn’t wait to see me again, even on the night before you came home, only to do a complete 180 the moment you got off the plane. It doesn’t excuse the fact that you told me to take my shit and leave the place I had considered a home for two years because you were ending the five year relationship that you claimed to be so deeply in love with. And it especially doesn’t excuse the fact that mere months after the break up you were all over Megan fucking Fox!”

He was silent for a long time. His eyes were becoming moist with tears, and I could feel a lump growing in my own throat. But I couldn’t break. I refused to do so. Not in front of him, not right now.

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” he finally breathed, his voice cracking slightly. “You have to know how much I truly do fucking love you, (Y/N). That never went away. It’s still there, you’re still my forever girl in my heart. But when I came home from tour...my manager called me as I was boarding the flight and told me that there was a plan in motion to get promo for the new album and for the movie with Megan. They wanted Megan and I to date for PR, to be all lovey dovey in front of the cameras and to gush over one another constantly. I reminded him about you and he told me I had to break up with you. He gave me no option, he said either I did that or I was being dropped from the label. No album, no movie, no...no nothing. Just the loser who was still being referred to as the idiot who got his career destroyed by Eminem.”

It was a shocking revelation. I had known Colson’s manager, he seemed like such a nice guy. He didn’t seem like the type to give those kinds of ultimatums. But there was that saying about a wolf in sheep’s clothing...

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

“It was easier to make you think I just wasn’t in love anymore,” he said. “I didn’t want you to think I was choosing my career over you, cause I’d never do that. You meant - you mean - the world to me (Y/N). You’re my everything. I just...all the hard work I was putting into everything, for all of that to go to waste, for everything to flop just because I didn’t want to fake date my co-star. I was afraid of the power my manager held over me so...so I just did it. I went along with the plan. I pretended to be hopelessly in love with Megan when I had no feelings for her at all.”

He reached across the table and took my hands in his. I jumped and thought about pulling away from him, but I couldn’t deny that it felt nice to feel his touch again.

“I love you, (Y/N),” he said. “More than anything, you’re the person I want to be with. That bullshit with Megan, it’s long over. We just haven’t made it known publicly, but it will be announced. I want to try and pick up where things left off with us. I want to have you back in my home - in my arms - preparing to marry you someday. Please, (Y/N), can you please forgive me?”

It was the words I wanted to hear more than anything. I had dreamt about hearing Colson ask to take me back ever since he had broken up with me. At that point in time, I probably would’ve jumped at the chance, too. But this time, I slowly pulled my hands away from his. He looked at me in confusion.

“I can’t,” I told him. “Colson, you really fucking hurt me. You left me with no explanation, not even any closure. I get why you did it, but you have to understand that you telling me now isn’t going to undo a year’s worth of hurt that you put me through. I don’t know if anything will ever undo that at this point.”

I stood from the booth, taking my coffee with me and leaving a heartbroken Colson looking up at me with puppy dog eyes.

“There’s this song I’ve been listening to,” I said. “It’s called Driver’s License. I think it’s the only accurate way to describe how much you hurt me when you broke up with me. I encourage you to listen to it, then you can try to take me back again.”

I turned quickly and left before he could see me cry.

#machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #colson baker #colson baker imagine #colson baker x reader #mgk #drivers license #olivia rodrigo #imagine #one shot #angst #song #song prompt #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

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peeterparkr · 3 years

Text

memories & misconceptions|tom holland

prologue: the summer flashback

song: enough for you-olivia rodrigo

↳ read Kat’s version here and Tom’s conversation with Kat. (Harry fic)

So, it’s here. Finally. I’m beyond excited for this. We’ve been working on this for so ong but we are super excited to shared this with you! This is a 2 fics in one, meaning I’ll write Tom’s fic and @erodasghosts will write a Harry Styles fic. It’s a choose your y/n, let’s say. The y/n for Tom will be named Thea on Harry’s fic, and Harry’s y/n is named Kat in this one. The stories are connected, it’s a group of friends living in an old town. This is all a flashback.

Feedback and reblogs are very appreciated.

STORY SUMMARY: Not every relationship can last forever, but what decides when it ends? Is it the memories of when things were, or is it the misconceptions of the present. What is stronger in matters of the heart when love and friendship becomes a choice? Does pride dim our devotion enough for it to be forsaken? And is obstinacy strong enough to erase the memory of a hopeful summer night? When a group of friends are reunited after years of unspoken truths and turbulent grudges, old arguments and fights might ricochet, and though their history might be dense enough to drown them, it might be the one thing to keep them afloat.

chapter summary: The heartbreak of a teenage unrequited lover or when one summer confession led to a disaster. pairing: band member! tom holland x y/n friends to enemies to strangers to lovers idiots to lovers

warnings: mentions of cigarettes, angsty, ish. word count: 9.3k

story masterlist.

next chapter

wanna be tagged?

Summer is known for romances, romances that spark and shoot like stars, romances that might start on an uneventful afternoon and end with the morning, giving you a night of memories, with innocent evenings full of wonder and hope. Secrets are hidden, songs are written but they say summer romances end for a reason or other. It’s no wonder, summer comes and goes, and the starry nights just flash upon your eyes. It is rare for a summer romance to ever achieve more than spilled bottles of wine or scattered empty packs of cigarettes. Summer romances are but for one’s memory.

Summer romances don’t last.

Summer romances are known to end in the blink of an eye as the sun fades. Or as the last star leaves in the morning. They go so easily.

Luckily, this isn’t a summer romance story. Though, we might want to agree, that there was one particular summer that could've been one.

Summer was usually the best time to open your heart. And you had tried to open it. And to your eyes, it could’ve been something more. Yet. Maybe the heartbreak was necessary, and you would know years later that it was all worth it. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

You usually loved summers, it was the perfect time to spend time with your friends, Kat, Harry, Andrew… and Tom.

Friends who will remain friends for more than a summer, who have been friends for even more.

This is the story of memories that were built in misconceptions, of a friend group that fell apart when they needed each other the most. Of a friend group that spoke too much or didn’t speak at all.

One could argue it all started in one particular summer, only with one conversation that led to the chaos that happened years later.

Yet, that summer felt special. The one that had built the most memories that would be ingrained in your heart.

It’s fair to point out now, a summer fling might be easily perceived as a romance. The misconception of the concept often comes as a mistake. You, fair to point out as well, were a victim of misconceptions.

Yet, maybe you had been inspired by your own very friends. Seeing them falling in love with each other had been an inspiration. Harry and Kat. A summer romance that could be presumed to be something else. Something for a lifetime, perchance.

Maybe the secret for a summer romance to last is not to have the romance in summer, but the buildup. What Harry and Kat were doing.

Your own faulty thinking had led you to believe you could experience a summer romance like theirs. It wasn’t even a summer fling.

Yet, it was summer, and nothing more.

Good, however, because summer romances end with it. It wasn’t even a summer romance, yet Tom had ended it with one single sentence.

Harry and Kat were upstairs, in Harry’s room, Tom and you had decided to stay downstairs, while you finished your own cup of tea.

You hadn’t given an answer to the statement that had just shattered your heart minutes ago. You had thanked yourself for not being holding the teacup, for you might have dropped it. But you had dropped his hand, hand you were playing with just as he stated the ending to your fantasy. You felt like you’d never been more at loss to try and make your feelings be what they were not. Though, you were not sure why your heart had shattered. You were meant to smile, even if you were about to cry.

He was your friend. First and foremost. That’s what you were meant to do, support him.

You gripped your teacup as you only waited for an explanation. Not from him, but from your own heart. Why was it aching?

Why was Tom’s statement bothering you? And why had you remained quiet?

It was no secret that his smile caused yours, or that his laughter easily merged with yours. Maybe hearing the sentence he had just said had proven to you how wrong you were, perchance it was only one sided. But Tom was a friend, he’d been your friend for a long, long, long time now.

He only watched you. Expecting you to say anything, anything.

Not every day you hear… a friend saying he has feelings for your best friend. Tom had feelings for Kat. That had come as a big surprise for you, given the summer you had had with him.

“I have feelings for Kat,” he had said. He had dared to say.

Not every day, you hear the person you’d been willing to give up all your dreams for say he is interested on your own best friend. Not after the summer you had had.

Not that it was… interesting enough. Apparently.

How had the conversation led there? Only a few minutes before you had been begging him to play Dreams by The Cranberries that night at Grandma’s, and he had said he would only if you sang it, the song that had defined that summer for you both.

Yet he had stopped your fantasy.

They had been hanging out together, for sure, Kat and Tom. But so had you and Harry. And you and Andrew.

But you and Tom. Maybe you had been foolish for thinking about it.

You were friends, but—

“Oh?” you had finally said, you only took a sip from your tea. You offered him a warm smile trying to erase whatever expression you had before. “Really? You… You… You have feelings for Kat? That’s… new.”

He had feelings for your best friend when you’d been making a fool of yourself for him. This had been your fault. And you weren’t even sure why it was your fault. Why were you feeling this way?

Tom seemed to be confused with your reaction. “Yeah… I… I think we’re really alike.”

You tried not to actually feed on your real emotions. “Right.” You gave him another smile.

He eyed down the teacup. “You always leave lipstick stains everywhere,” he pointed out as your lips were pressed against the cup. “Red here—Red there.“

You bit your lip, and glanced at the teacup. “Yeah,” you were trying not to be hurt about this all. “So,” you kept watching him, more curiously now. “Kat? Hm, makes sense. You’ve been spending a lot of time with her.”

Tom glued his eyes back to yours, “yeah, okay,” he scratched his head. “Yeah, she—she understands me. And I don’t have to—“

“But what about Harry?” You whispered then. Knowing his very best friend would be upstairs with Kat. Being cute or whatever they did when they were alone.

Tom coughed, “Yeah, that’s the issue. But…” Tom raised his own empty cup, letting it hang from his finger. “Do you… I mean, think about it, they are so different, eh?”

“Yeah, well different is good,” you said. “I mean, we are so different, and we get along just fine. We are ...very good friends.” Though there was a hidden meaning behind that sentence.

Tom took a deep breath, avoiding your glance. “But, look, I have... You and Harry, you guys get along well, because you both are so alike, alright?”

“Ew, no, are you suggesting—“

“No, I… I know you and Harry are just friends… and Kat might…” Tom was nervous. “But, in the long run,” he took a deep breath. “I mean—Look, we get along fine but—Those two—“

“Harry’s your best friend,” you stated before he could continue. “Tom—Thomas you know how Harry feels about Kat. And I’m sure Kat… feels the same.”

Harry and Tom were just like you and Kat. Best friends. So it came as a surprise Tom was saying this, letting past the summer you had had with him, with you both smoking from the same cigarette, your head on his shoulder every time you needed to rest it, your lips leaving red marks in his own cups, or sometimes on his cheek. Driving with windows down to talk about anything and nothing. Watching movies to memorize the lines, and memorizing the melody of his smile. Blushing every time he looked into your eyes or brushing your hand against his any time you could.

Watching Kat and Harry fall in love, slowly as they kept sneaking around, clearly trying to make the friendship try and become something else. With Harry stating the obvious and Kat growing past the need of hiding her own sentiments.

Why was Tom standing there saying he liked Kat? When his own very best friend had opened his heart so abruptly to her. Did he dismiss it? Was he so selfish?

And did this summer when you both planned your dreams meant absolutely nothing?

And his best friend. His very best friend was in love with Kat.

Tom sighed. “But what if… I just…” He rubbed his temple. “I dunno.”

You waited for him to keep talking. You needed him to walk you through this. Had he not played songs to you all summer? Or held you tight when the five friends watched a horror movie? Had you not lied to your dad to sneak out at nights with him? Had you not laughed until you ran out of breath? Had you not written so many songs for and about him? Or talked with him about everything and nothing having those talks that seem to go forever?

Did he not know your deepest fears now? And what for?

Had that not… been enough? How blinded had you been for this?

And why did that even matter? You couldn’t care less about him. Or… rather, you only cared for him as a friend. So it made no sense why you were so heartbroken. Why was your chest crushing your heart?

You decided to speak again, “Harry’s asking her out today, Thomas.”

Because although Harry didn’t hide his feelings he had finally earned the courage to try and make it official. Or rather… he finally thought Kat was ready.

“Is that all you’re saying?” He questioned.

Tom and Kat were very similar, they were quiet and reserved. Scared of showing any emotion. Tom loved living in his own world where remorse and melancholy were the only two acceptable emotions. It was hard for him to show anything, and you had accepted that, knowing that he was such a mysterious person. It was fun trying to discover him, as if you were unlocking layers.

With Kat, you had been used to it, already. Your best friend loved pushing her feelings aside. So of course, you had learned not to make them push it.

Perhaps that had led you not to push Tom, knowing he’d—be bothered. And now this was another confirmation as to why, for the first time, you would push your feelings aside.

Harry and you, on the other hand, were loud and sharing. For both of you, life was pink and everything had to be a show. Everything. You both believed in feelings being showcased. Harry and you both often fought for the spotlight.

It was funny, how mirroring Harry and Tom were to you and Kat. And how ironic it was Harry fell for the female version of his best friend.

And how you… would deny everything for the first time.

You shrugged, “what else would I, Thomas? Are you a complete moron? That’s your best friend upstairs and my best friend!”

“Which is why—don’t you think—Kat would be happier with someone like me?” Tom questioned.

You waited for him to elaborate, eyes glued on him.

He cleared his throat. “I—someone who won’t push her to—show her feelings, someone who understands that—Someone who isn’t too much.”

Too much. You swallowed those words. Too much. Tom often said you and Harry were so, so similar. He acknowledged it, too. His best friend and you probably were, that’s why you and Harry got perfectly fine. But too much? What was that supposed to mean? You were too much? Was he trying to say that?

“Aren’t you best friends with Harry? Am I not best friends with Kat?” You pushed. “Kat brings the best in me, and Harry brings the best in you.”

“But it’s a friendship,” Tom said. “What if—Kat gets overwhelmed with Harry? Or what if Harry gets bored of Kat? How bad of a heartbreak would that be for her?”

You only stared at him, once again. Fidgeting with your cup.

“You don’t support this,” Tom said.

“Yeah, um.. you can like whoever you want, there’s nothing wrong in liking someone, I actually encourage you to have some feelings,” you said, with venom. “And I understand why you like Kat, she is very beautiful, she’s got a great personality and you are both very similar. Too similar.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tom said, looking away. Did he feel guilty? “But also,” he continued. “I—Well.”

“You’re a moron, he is your best friend, besides this summer-” you cut off the sentence and shook your head. “Why are you telling me this?” You asked.

Tom Pressed his lips, and took a deep breath. “Because—“Tom shrugged. “I dunno, I trust you, you’re my friend, you—we have gotten closer right? I mean we’ve—I— and you—Maybe you can help me out with Kat.”

You wanted to scream. “Help you out with my best friend who I know who she has feelings for? When that guy happens to be your very best friend? When that guy happens to be upstairs? When that guy happens to be my friend, too? And he likes her back? You’d have to be a proper idiot.”

“I— really like Kat, and Harry, I know him, he probably will do something big, you know? Just to ask her out, and—He makes a big deal of everything-”

“Because he is in love with her!” You stated. “He wants the best for her, and you should know that. Your love language might be non-existent, but Harry’s is…showing affection in big romantic gestures, and that’s the thing, y’know? Yes, he goes big but because he thinks that’s what Kat deserves, and she does!”

“I know she does but—He hasn’t taken the time to know her, and I have—Look, it’s complicated.”

You had crossed your arms upstairs. “Your best friend—“

“I know,” he answered. “But—I—look, this summer—“

“This summer?”

You heard a car honk outside. Andrew, the fifth member to the friend group, often a savior to this kind of situation, was here already. You did not want to speak to Tom right now, he was being selfish and an idiot. Did he not notice how heartbroken you were?

And you didn’t even care about your own heart, if he didn’t… No, if the summer that you had spent meant nothing to him, then there was nothing you could do. Maybe in another life, or in another time, something would’ve gone differently.

Maybe it had never been meant to be at all, and you had built in an idea from an illusion and it was easier to live in your own fantasy.

You avoided him, and went to the door, with your whole body shrinking, your head spinning. How was he so selfish? His own best friend loved Kat. How dare he?

You needed to avoid your own heavy heart hanging from your chest, so broken.

“Y/N,” Tom tried following after you.

You had seen Andrew slam the door after getting out of his step brother’s car, Nicholas. Someone who you didn’t care about at all. But—right now you needed an escape and there was Nicholas, in that old car he drove.

Andrew seemed pissed yet you still decided to approach Nick. Knowing damn well it would piss off Tom.

Andrew gave you a funny look. You decided to kiss Andrew’s cheek before turning to his step brother's car. Wondering if Tom was watching you.

Seemed that your sole goal was to enrage him.

“Hey, thanks for dropping Andrew,” you said as you leaned over to the window.

Nick chuckled. “I was forced to.”,

“I know,” you gave him an apologetic smile. “but still thanks.”

Nicholas had always been of mostly everyone’s interest. Typical blue eyed brown haired boy with pretty features. He was… popular, which meant he was only bothered by his brother and his lack of popularity. Or different popularity he was offered.

Your friend group had never been of interest to become popular, you rather enjoyed being left alone to your own shenanigans. You had more fun than them, that is. You knew, however, that there was some sort of popularity involved in your group, probably because of Harry.

Nicholas watched you, unaware of what exactly were your intentions on approaching him. “Nice to see you—y/n.”

“yeah,” you said carelessly. “You too, Nicholas.”

“You’re the only decent one in his group of friends, huh?” He dedicated a smile to you.

“Y/N,” you heard Tom call.

You ignored him and a very weird thought came to your mind, as you were leaning on the window, maybe you could hop in and escape from Tom, ask Nick to drive you away from the heartache. How dramatic would it be to escape from your heartbreak on a car. “Well, we are not that bad,” you said. “and—Well, the reason why I’m approaching you…” you reminded yourself again. “I don’t know if Andrew told you, my friends—Harry and Tom, they’re playing tonight at my grandma's cafe, they’ve got a band.”

Nick seemed confused about your statement. “ah, and you want me there?”

You smiled warmly. “Yeah, would be cool if you came, I’m inviting everyone, the more the merrier, you can bring your friends… I just want everyone to see them they’re really good.”

“Are they?” Nick rolled his eyes.

You beamed nodding, “Yeah, Tom’s great with the guitar, and Harry’s a really good singer, plus they’re singing a few songs I wrote,” you explained, kindly even if the guy was probably dying to mock you.

“Are you seriously inviting me?” Nick asked. “Don’t you hate me?”

“Yeah, I am inviting you,” you insisted with a smile. “And I don’t hate anybody.”

Maybe Tom. Momentarily.

His sight changed, and his smirk turned into a genuine smile followed by an eye roll. “I—might drop by with some friends then. But, since you invited me, I might need to spend some time with you there.”

“We’ll see, see you.”

You turned on your feet. Tom was staring at you, incredulous. Just as Andrew, who was confused by the matters of it. You ignored them both and walked back into the house.

“Y/N,” Tom called.

“Andrew, darling, would you mind helping me clean up?” You called.

Tom walked to you. “You didn’t seriously just invite Dickolas?” Tom questioned you.

You didn’t bother looking at him. “Yeah, why not?

Andrew scoffed, “You’re really asking?” Andrew hissed.

“Because he’s a dickhead,” Tom snapped.

Tom was probably the one to hate Nick the most, probably because he saw Andrew as his own brother.

“I’m sure he will behave,” you said. “Besides, your band, Thomas, needs to have a younger audience, not a bunch of old farts and your families.” You then remembered your friend. “Does it bother you, Andrew?” You asked.

“Yes,” Tom answered.

“Andrew?” you emphasized.

Andrew took a deep breath. “No, I guess, you’re right.”

Tom watched you. “Whatever. I don’t think he’s coming anyway.”

Andrew stared at Tom. “Please, y/n invited him, of course he’s coming,” he said, annoyed.

“What is that supposed to mean?” You asked.

Andrew smirked and then glanced at Tom. “It means hurry the fuck up,” he warned him.

Tom flipped Andrew off.

“Where’s Kat and Harry?” Andrew asked.

“Upstairs, being adorable and such,” you said as you took the teacups to the sink.

Tom was still watching you. “You are literally betraying Andrew by inviting Dickolas, that’s being a shitty friend.”

You spun on your feet and made your way to him. “Oh,” you poked him repeatedly, accusingly. “so you do understand the concept of friendship.”

Tom avoided your gaze, “Y/N. That is different.”

“You’re right, your betrayal is worse!” But you were not sure who he was a traitor to.

Andrew frowned. “What betrayal?”

“She’s being overdramatic,” Tom snapped.

You could not believe him. “Am I?” You crossed your arms, but then pushed him away as he was trying to grab your arms to calm down. “You’ve got to be pissing me—You realize you’re being completely stupid—“

“Tom’s always stupid,” Andrew commented.

Maybe you were overreacting. “After all this summer, after—“But then again you had a reason. “You are literally betraying your very best friend—“

Tom grabbed your hand and pulled you close to him as he shushed you, “Hey, sh, sh, please!”

You only glared at him, snatching your hand from him. Did he— really not see all of this?

Andrew stared between you both, confused. “Yeah, I’m not gonna go through this whole mommy and daddy are fighting, I’m gonna go upstairs and interrupt the other two, hope they’re not making out.” He stated before leaving.

Tom frowned and turned to you the second Andrew had left, “so you were willing to spill my secret—“

“Andrew’s your friend.”

“I don’t want him to know,” Tom snapped. He had never snapped at you.

“Why? Because you know he will call you out for being a dick?” And you had never snapped back, and you had never called him that.

Tom was as surprised as you were. “did you—just call me a dick?”

“Yes.” But you would stand by it.

He was puzzled. Probably was confused as to how you’d gone from giggling and blushing while making the tea to—this. “why? You never—“

“because you are one!” You stated. Did he understand what you were feeling? And did he not understand how big of a jerk and a prick he was for dismissing his best friend?

“Yes, well you’re being a bigger dick for inviting Dickolas,” he hissed. “you literally know he has been such an asshole to Andrew lately.”

You avoided his glance. He had never spoken to you that way. “They’ve been getting better.”

They hadn’t .

“They haven’t and you know that,” Tom snarked.

You didn’t answer. Yes, it was wrong. But if you were honest. You already believed Nick was… misunderstood and often pushed around by his mother. Andrew had always agreed with you that his mother was the true enemy. Andrew’s father and Nicholas mother had decided to marry, only a few months back so Andrew was adjusting to the new life with his step brother. That wasn’t going well.

“You shouldn’t have invited him,” Tom pushed.

“But he’s popular,” you said.

“So are you and Harry! And I—I don’t really need anyone else there,” Tom said.

Nana, your grandmother, had given them the chance to play at her café. Probably your second favorite place to hang out after the treehouse.

“You do! Besides, I… This isn’t for you, okay?” You said.

He blinked. “What?”

“I need… My dad told me nobody cared so by inviting more people I am showing him I can-” You sighed.

Tom closed his eyes, “Is this what that’s about? Y/N--You can’t keep”

“My dad thinks Nick is a good person,” you sighed. “He has been working this summer with him and-”

“That's got to be bullshit. He thinks Dickolas is a good person and yet he--doesn’t believe I’m a good influence” Tom questioned.

Well, to be fair, your dad believed Tom to be a bad boy. He wasn’t. He tried to seem like one, with his leather jackets and cigarettes and his band and everything… edgy. Yet, Tom was sweet, or at least he was sweet to you. Your dad believed the guy to only be playing with your heart, which was ironic now, since… Well. He had spent a whole summer with you and ended up liking someone else. Your dad wasn’t fond of him. And you weren’t either, in this particular moment.

You’d grown up with this life ahead of you, this picture perfect future you wanted. A happy family, not like the one you had. You wanted to have what you didn’t, so your dad believed that Tom was ruining that dream for you.

“You’re ruining his perfect daughter,” you rolled your eyes. “You smoke.”

Tom rolled his eyes, “so do you!” He scrunched his nose and rolled his eyes. “And you’re changing the subject. I know you didn’t invite Nick for that.”

Tom probably knew you were doing to piss him off. “You need more people, Tom!”

“Well not Nick!” Tom snapped, again.

“Why not?” You questioned.

“Because it’s Dickolas, y/n, he… he is a dick,” Tom explained.

You looked up with poison, “and you aren’t?” You snapped.

“I mean, they both are,” a third voice came to the room. Kat. “Why would we want to put up with two dicks?”

Your heart stopped as you turned to see your best friend coming into the room. You looked between her and Tom with fear. Tom had gone stiff, too. He swallowed hard, and you were glaring at him. But you needed to go past your own emotions. Kat perfectly knew how to read you and you didn’t want her reading you right now. You needed to hide your heartbreak and anger.

You cleared your throat in an attempt to shift your posture. “Oh, haven’t thought about that, then Tom doesn’t have to come,” you snaked.

Tom scrunched his nose. “it’s literally my band?”

Kat walked over to you, “Maybe so but y/n makes a point, seems like an even trade with them,” she grinned at you.

You smirked, thankful your best friend had taken your side without even thinking about it. “See?” You crossed your arms. “Besides, I really do think that more people seeing you guys would be better, I don’t think a bunch of old farts is a great audience for your wanna be farty band.” You were really just throwing shots at Tom right now, knowing it would hurt him. He did look somehow hurt at you. You avoided his gaze. “Anyway, I need to… go talk to Harry.”

You started to walk away

Tom feared. “about what, exactly?” He clenched his jaw.

You raised your brows, and shrugged before poisoning, looking over your shoulder. “The power of friendship.”

Tom glared.

You yanked.

“Are you two… okay?” Asked Kat, watching between the both of you. Probably sensing the tension.

“No,” you sincered but then dedicated her a smile. “Thanks for asking, see you there my great friend and…” you eyed Tom up and down. “Tom.”

You left but heard Kat ask him. “What the fuck did you say to her?”

You were determined to run upstairs but Kat followed after, so you had to keep on with the facade.

“Wait, Thea, what’s going on?” Kat asked, because you knew no matter how much you tried to hide it from her, Kat would know.

“What? Nothing, he's just being an idiot…” You said, still trying to hide it. “Wait what’s…” You also could read your friend’s expression. Her flushed cheeks, her eyes shining. She probably had the best of news. Had Harry finally told her how he felt? “What happened with Harry? Why are you blushing?” You gushed. “Did you kiss?” you grinned, and for a moment your heartbreak was fone.

“Wait, what? I’m… “ She cleared her throat, and tried to hide the big smile. “No, we didn’t kiss, but…”

You smirked. “But?”

She rolled her eyes, still trying to mask her excitement. “You’re just avoiding whatever happened with Tom.”

You were. “Nothing happened.” Untrue. “But you’re the one avoiding whatever happened with Harry, please!” You pushed her jokingly. “You guys were there for about…an eternity, what happened? You’re smiling like an idiot!” You teased your friend.

“I am not avoiding it, I’m actually happy to share but I’m just concerned for you…”She watched you. “Was I really blushing, though?”

You gave her a cheeky grin. “Well, what happened?”

“I’m expecting to hear about Tom later, but… “ She couldn’t stop smiling. “Harry wrote this new song, and he was playing it for me… he seemed pretty nervous to share, and I guess it… I mean, it seemed to… be about me?”

You screamed, because what else is there to do when your friend tells her her crush wrote a song about her?

A song which you knew the existence of already, might be good to point out now. Harry had told you everything he had planned for Kat, and it was absolutely romantic. After the summer they had had, it was bound to come. Harry was completely mesmerized with her, and you knew Kat had feelings for him too.

Maybe you’d grown too deep into their reality that you confused it with your fantasy with Tom, which apparently was merely that. Your own stupid imagination. But you’d deal with the heartbreak later.

“And? What did you do?” You smiled at her.

“I… I mean, we were close to kissing before Andrew had interrupted…”She dropped the news like it was nothing. “And then on my way out I gave him my lipstick, like he had mentioned in the song.”

You chirped, and tried to hide your giggles. At least she was getting somewhere with this stupid summer. “Shut up, you should’ve bloody kissed him in the moment you twit!” You pushed her jokingly.

Kat’s eyes shined with hope. “I know, and we had been so close!

There was some sort of jealousy growing inside you. Not that you blamed Kat, or Harry. You blamed Tom for making you so foolishly believe anything. But that didn’t matter. Your friend was getting somewhere. And you were so happy for her. You wouldn’t dare to bring down her excitement. “And how do you feel about this? Are you finally admitting it? That you fancy his stupid ass?” You teased her, wiggling your eyebrows at her.

She clenched her jaw with a hidden smirk. “Well I never said that, did I? And I could’ve chosen much worse, like Tom or something.”

Kat didn’t know. There was no possible way for her to know what was going on. But she probably was trying to dig up whatever happened with him. Kat often didn’t have to ask what you felt and she knew. Just one look. This was her way to crack you.

And she did. “Fuck him,” you stated, proudly.

Kat widened her eyes with surprise, but nodded in acceptance. “So you’re cussing now, what happened?”

You cussed only when it was needed. “What happened is that you almost kissed Harry and you’re being stupid and avoiding it. So, what’s up with that?” You were the one avoiding your situation.

But what would you even say? To admit anything would mean finally saying out how how you...felt for Tom, and that would make it real, and then what else? That he liked her? And what would that mean to you? Were you being selfish.

Kat didn’t buy it. “Hmm, sure, that’s all,” she watched skeptically. “But I don’t mean to avoid it, for once, it’s just that Andrew came in. After the show, though, maybe I can get my lipstick back from him, you know?”

You licked your lips. “I’m pretty sure he wanted the lipstick, so then, how about when he gives it back, you use it so he can actually taste it,” you puckered your lips to make fun of her, then proceeded to make annoying kissing noises.

Kat tried to ignore them, rolling her eyes, but you could see she was trying to hold a laugh. “Anyway, I’ll tell you how that goes!” She looked away. “You’re sure you don’t want to ride with Tom and I?”

“I’d rather jump off a cliff,” you stated quickly, without even thinking about it. “No… I’m joking, I… I just need to talk to Harry about one of the songs… But I’ll see you guys there.” You didn’t mean to shut her off but you really didn’t feel okay.

She seemed slightly hurt. “Uhm, yeah, alright.”

“Yeah, and if you get the chance, please break his neck,” you smiled.

She looked you in the eyes, she was worried. How broke did you actually look. But she gave in, “I’d take any excuse to do that, but I do expect an explanation once I’ve done it.”

“It’s nothing, Katherine,” yet it came off slightly rude. You were hurting. “See you in a bit.”

You turned around, more determined. You knew Kat was probably upset. But you kept walking.

You had to stop right outside Harry’s closed door. You took a deep breath as soon as you knew nobody could see you.

To deal with the heartbreak you were denying to have was not simple. To fall in love with someone you’re so different from might be one of the foolish ways to ruin your own heart. It is jumping into the abyss without a parachute just for a view that’ll only last for a few seconds. It’s crossing the street with your eyes closed. Walking into the woods knowing you are going to get lost, never knowing if you’ll ever make it to the clear. It’s ruining yourself a million times. Yet it’s worth it, for some time at least.

But to fall in love with someone who will never love you back. It’s simply stupid.

You swallowed your words, your pride and your hurt. You knew you’d probably end up crying later that night. Hoping it would rain so your tears rhymed to the storm. Your chest hurt, as you tried to breathe in, leaning against the door to gain back your balance. With a hand to your heart, and the other one covering your mouth. You tried not to let it hurt but it simply did.

You’d keep it for yourself and you would never admit it out loud, that you had dared to open your heart just slightly. Why would you ever admit to anyone that you were ruined by him?

You’d get over it, eventually. You’d be happy. Just not today, and that was okay. And you wished he was happy, too. That wasn’t true. You didn’t wish that for him.

You’d resist the temptation to ever cease the wonder if you’d done something wrong, or maybe you just hadn’t been enough even when you’d tried to be the one perfect for him. Vain it had been all your stupid attempts to listen to the music he did, or coming up with little lies to your dad, or hiding that sparkle in your eyes when he walked into the room. Too stupid to think you deserved his love. Too stupid to try and prove you were worthy of his love. He was fire, and skies and wind and that you could be too, if he wanted you to be.

But it didn’t matter now, he liked Kat. Tom avoided showing any feelings, so for him to be stating he liked Kat, it was a big step. You were proud, you guessed. He finally gave in to feelings.

So you had to save your broken heart and put it in a drawer and smile. You cleaned up the single tear that had gone down your cheek and then pinched your cheeks just slightly to get that usual blush on your face. You decided not to knock on the door and simply walk in, as if you hadn’t just been on the verge of tears before.

But he wore jeans and t-shirts, so you’d get over his stupid ass and his stupid guitar. Even if that meant breaking his guitar, you know, for fun… But as an accident. No. You wouldn’t. But it would be fun. To break it like he broke your heart.

“Hey, losers,” you said, seeing as Harry stopped pacing around his room to stare at you. His eyes had a spark, he was blushing.

Fuck, was everyone in love and loved? Well, at least not Tom. He’d be broken hearted because Kat had brain cells and loved Harry.

“What are you doing here?” He questioned. Though he was confused, you noticed it, the bright eyes, the blushed cheeks.

“I’ll ride with you.”

Harry took a deep breath, but then chuckled. “Why did you suddenly decide to stay, princess?” Harry frowned.

“I’d rather drive with you, Tom always plays weird music, and I hate him,” you answered Harry.

Harry watched you, “That makes… two of us but, princess, there’s no need to hate, we all shall love, because love? Is a very splendid thing y/n, why do you think there are so many love songs? Love is like flying, and like-”

“Love sucks,” you snapped, plopping on Harry’s bed beside Andrew. Andrew watched you. “And love songs suck more. Everything is stupid. I hate you all,” you said and then picked up Harry’s pillow to hide your face under it. “No, I mean,” you shook your head, muffled. “Sorry, I’m tired, I… talked to Kat and she seemed to… Love the song.”

Harry giggled. Giggled? Seriously. “Of course she did, everything was going… perfect but then Andrew decided to ruin it. But it’s still perfect, because everything is butterflies and it feels like a summer breeze but princess, you’re ruining it, too! Y/N! You were supposed to distract Kat!”

You were. Harry had asked his best friend and you to keep Kat busy so she wouldn’t suspect whatever he was planning.

But you clearly didn’t want to be with Tom. His presence would wound your own heart and your heart was very delicate. “Yes, uh, Tom will… Tom will take care of that,” you sassed. “Oh yes he will,” you hissed.

Was it wrong? Maybe you should’ve gone. Tom was stupid enough to try something with Kat. But Kat wasn’t stupid. She’d probably throw him off a cliff and you’d be perfectly fine with that. You could push him yourself. Were there any cliffs around?

Harry seemed nervous and he never usually was. “Are-are-you sure? I don’t want Kat suspecting—“

“Suspect? The song gave it away, idiot, you should’ve asked already! Besides, if I spend two minutes more with him I’m going to scream..”

Andrew cleared his throat. “See? Told you.”

You eyed Andrew before hitting him with the pillow, you stood and decided to sit in front of Harry’s keyboard. Writing a song about a heartbreak was the best option, but this wasn’t the time so you just tickled some notes. “But I’m here to help Harry get ready.”

“So you’re staying to help Harry out with his outfit? Is that why you’re staying?” Andrew asked.

“I need to scream, and yell at someone and Harry was my choice,” you admitted to Andrew.

“Fair enough, I think that’s proper, yelling at Harry,” Andrew commented.

“I’m kind of trying to get ready,” Harry stated. “Mind leaving the yelling for another time?”

You stared at the keyboard, knowing damn well that music might be the one savior you needed to get through it, but the lack of courage you were facing right now was only intriguing. You were hurting.

“So, she liked the song.” You grinned instead. Even if you already knew what had happened.

Harry grinned, “Well, of course she did, it was… Fuck, everything is going perfect right now, it’s just all coming together, I’ve got to admit I was kind of... Nervous. But,” Harry smirked, pulling a lipstick from his pocket. “I now have this, and luckily I’ll get to know how it tastes tonight.”

Of course Harry would come up with the same stupid joke as you.

Andrew blinked, confused. “Are you going to put it on?”

“He means he wants to kiss her, idiot,” You cleared out to your friend, and turned to Harry. “So, she seemed to like this straightforward thing.”

Harry smirked, “I was surprised by that, but guess someone in the relationship had to step in. I thought she didn’t… know.”

“I reckon she knows it’s about her,” you admitted.

“I made it pretty obvious, and then she gave me her lipstick and I…we almost kissed.” Harry was swooning.

“Oh, so that’s why she was blushing,” you chuckled. Hearing the whole thing again just made you feel even more lonely. “Splendid, I’m so happy for you both!”

Even when you were against love and romance at the moment, that didn’t mean you weren’t happy for your best friend. And for Harry. Because they made sense. The fact that Tom had completely erased the fact that Harry and Kat were perfect angered you more than the fact he had completely dismissed your own attempts to… get somewhere with him.

How casually cruel, though, you’d been very obvious with your sentiments, and to have Tom walk all over your heart. He was so incredibly selfish.

Harry was all over the moon, you could tell, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. The subtle pink on his cheeks. You didn’t blame him. Kat was spectacular. Very main character vibes. The kind of girl that was not… typical. Kat was caring, and kind. And Kat was probably too curious to learn about Harry, which probably was Harry’s favorite subject to talk about.

Kat was the kind of girl people often took a second glance at, too intriguing. Too mysterious. With a smile that was hard to get but brightened the whole room when it came around. Smart, funny. She was… the whole deal.

Of course Harry was in love with her, and of course Tom would be driven to her, as well. The girl deserved any kind of attention directed her way. You guessed you should’ve seen it coming.

But that didn’t mean Tom wasn’t an idiot and that you’d be completely unreasonable. You had to be. You were broken hearted. He had given you a summer full of illusion just to break it right now. He deserved to be pushed off a cliff.

Harry beamed, as his eyes brightened even more. “I just want to kiss her already,” he commented as he walked to his bathroom, singing loudly to himself.

Andrew approached you, “So, what happened with Tom?”

Another one asking. You were so at a loss at trying to seem alright. “Nothing,” you snapped.

“Y/N, yesterday you were being adorable and shit, you guys were fucking clearly flirting, trying to kiss his bloody cheek just to be petty about his comment on leaving red lips everywhere, and today I come here and you are glaring and yelling? Something had to bloody happen!” Andrew pointed out. “So don’t try to fuckin’ trick me.”

That was the thing. Yesterday you could’ve sworn you were—getting to be friendlier. Maybe something even more, yet today he dropped the stupid bomb.

“Well.” You couldn’t phrase it. “I was not flirting.”

Andrew scoffed.

“He is my friend. We are only friends. And that’s all we'll ever be,” you continued.

Andrew raised his brows. “Oh sure, as friends as Harry and Kat are, Y/N you guys are also—“

“You seem to confuse whatever is going on with Kat and Harry with Tom and I. Harry and Kat—they are, of course, getting somewhere, because they are clearly more than friends,” your tone was cold and serious. “And I’m very happy for them, and I’m sure—It’s something that could last forever, they are clearly meant to be, so I’m happy,” because you were, but your heart still ached. “But that’s them. Tom and I are friends, and only that.” Seemed that the statement was not… necessary, but you needed to hear it yourself. “Though it might have seemed as—“you cleared your throat, because there was nothing else. “As it could be the perfect set up, two pairs of best friends dating two other best friends—it is nothing like that. Someone like Tom and I are meant to be only friends, and at times it seems like even our friendship is—forced. I don’t like Tom as anything else, and Tom doesn’t like me as anything more.”

Andrew seemed skeptical. He kept watching you. Maybe he didn’t sense that you were in fact, not saying it to him, but stating it for yourself, trying to convince yourself of it.

“Don’t push it, don’t try pursuing a fantasy that will never be, and it’s better to get it over now, just so we are clear. Besides, things are not what they seem and whatever happened with him I clearly don’t want to talk about it, alright?” It came out with more poison than planned.

Andrew squinted his eyes. “Well, I hope you talk about it with Kat later because it clearly is bothering you.”

“It is not.”

Andrew only offered you a hug, which you kindly accepted. “And Nick?” Andrew questioned. “Why did you invite Nick?”

“Yeah, why Dickolas?” Harry had walked back into the room, spraying cologne on him.

You shrugged, “He will bring friends. Thought you’d be more excited about having a bigger audience. And,” you waved your hand in front of your face. “Isn’t that too much cologne? You’re supposed to smell good, not kill the audience.”

Harry shrugged, “I’m good with Kat only watching, don’t need a large audience” Harry grinned.

“Ew, romance,” Andrew said and you both mimicked throwing up noises to which Harry ignored.

“And, I need to smell good, princess, I’ll be standing next to fetid Thomas, I shall remind you,” Harry said and wiggled his eyebrow.

You got stiff at his remark, sudden change of subject. “Yeah, right. Especially now that Dickolas is also coming, the place will be infested.”

“Yeah, but not even Dickolas will ruin my night,” Harry stated, still his gaze going everywhere. “I-” He grinned.

“Just an advice,” you said suddenly, remembering how Harry was. “I know you’re going straightforward or whatever,” you nodded. “But, maybe don’t ask Kat out in front of everyone.”

Harry clapped his hands. “No,” he said sheepishly. “I know, I know, I know, I’ve--” He chuckled “I would’ve already sang in front of the whole school, y’know? All rom com-”

“No,” Andrew stepped in. “Or maybe do, so we can see her killing you.”

You laughed at the input. “No, we don’t want that, but really,” you smirked. “I am serious-I know her-”

“Yes, y/n, princess, I know you know Kat, but I’ve also got to learn a lot about her this summer,” Harry rushed in. “And she… She really,” Harry could barely speak, as his smile was impeding him to, as if instead he wanted to only laugh out of embarrassment, the wide grin. The unique and singular joy you feel when you’re in love and loved. “Look, I won’t fuck it up, alright?”

You knew he wouldn’t. Harry and Kat had been flowing nicely, oh so nicely. Though you knew you could be secretly thanked for that, Harry often came for advice, but genuinely, you knew that Harry didn’t need much help, often he only needed reassurance, because Kat could… easily shut off her feelings and you’d need to remind Harry to keep on track.

“I know,” you rolled your eyes. “Now, let’s go, we might be late.”

Harry still had to change his outfit about 4 more times, having also Andrew and you yell at him each time he did. Andrew tried asking about Tom just once more. But you ignored him.

Although now you had decided you’d live vicariously through Harry and Kat’s romance. You had seen him playing with the lipstick she’d given him. You remembered when he initially told you he liked her, although there was no need for it. Harry had been obvious enough about his feelings for her. He would often talk about her as if she was like a spring melody, or as if she was like a nice summer morning, with the sun creeping out just gently to warm him, with the birds chirping in the background.

The way Harry talked about Kat or the way he stared at her would inspire anyone to be in love. It came as a blessing and as a curse. Maybe you had forced yourself into thinking you could have something like that. Love blinds. Especially when you think you are in love, but aren’t.

You had to ignore the heartbreak because it was irrational to have one. Though, Andrew was right, it was bothering you. But nobody had to know about this. Not even Kat, she was being happy with her progress with Harry. You would not impede her happiness.

So you’d have to do what Tom had taught you to, shut down every emotion you had. Push away any possible feeling. And pretend like nothing had happened, forget this whole summer. And never bring it up again, because it would be selfish. So you’d focus on Harry and Kat.

Harry had kept on rambling over the song, and how it had gone. How magical it had been and how he was filled with hope. How a summer romance had been like a sweet melody. From days into nights, the sun cascading every time he was with her. Butterflies, butterflies, butterflies.

When you arrived at the cafe, you had initially ignored Tom, for your own sake. Although you had wanted to speak to him, you couldn’t bring yourself to it. But for everyone else, you were still happy. No one could see the pain you were going through. No one had to know.

Seemed like Kat was busy enough, though. The moment she saw Harry, everything turned into pink butterflies, apparently. As if the sun had suddenly come out after a storm. They way their smiles synchronized warmed your own heart. Even made you smile. Harry and Kat’s hearts were glowing.

You talked to your grandmother, she did notice even though you had tried hiding it.

You were applying lipstick as Tom approached you. You decided to ignore him as you were setting tables, getting the place ready for their… show, if you could call it like that. Tom looked… hurt. Or… just shut down. The exact opposite of Harry. It felt so cold when he approached you.

It made you think of Andrew’s remark. How only the day before maybe you had been flirting. Now you didn’t even want to look him in the eye, to protect yourself.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You didn’t even look up. “Have you finished setting up the guitar?”

“Yeah… yeah,” Tom gulped down his pride and spoke up, “Hey, eh-”

“I hope you didn’t do anything stupid,” you glared at him before he could say anything else. He was taken aback.

“Like what?”

“I dunno, telling her,” you were serious. “She really likes Harry and she just had a great moment with him. They’re both happy Tom and I don’t want you messing up with her happiness. Don’t ruin this for them.”

Tom avoided your glare, he seemed very conflicted. “Yeah, I…” He licked his lips. “I have a talent for messing up.”

You felt guilty, though. You knew you were being selfish. So you swallowed your pride and turned to him. “You can have feelings, they’re valid,” you stated, because even when this was the worst to ever happen to you, you knew Tom. And after all, he was a friend. And accepting he had feelings was probably a huge step. “But sometimes you just have to accept that it can’t be and that some feelings you’ve got to keep it to yourself, love someone from a distance and eventually get over it because you know they won’t be happy with you. Or that it’s not possible to be reciprocated.”

Tom fiddled with a napkin, quietly.

“It sucks,” you shrugged. “Unrequited love is possibly the slowest way to die,” you said to him, he was trying to avoid your glance, and then it was the most Tom he had ever been in a while, hiding whatever he was thinking. “Especially when it involves your best friend's happiness,” you stated.

He only looked up then clenched his jaw, “You’re still angry at me?”

You shrugged. “'I'm not sure if I want to be friends with someone who can easily betray his best friend,” you said with poison.

Tom rolled his eyes. “You’re being-”

“Overdramatic? Maybe,” you said. “But… We will talk about it later, alright? And I really…” You shook your head. “We might as well… Pretend we are okay, alright?”

Tom just stared into your eyes. “Pretend—”

“I don’t want them thinking we had a fight, or anything so I’ll go back to acting like I usually do, alright?”

Tom seemed confused by your statement. “But-”

“So let’s just pretend we are still friends and—” You couldn’t even begin to understand what you were telling him.

“But we are?” Tom frowned.

“Yeah, no I mean… I just don’t want them to...think we had a fight so I’ll start acting normal, okay?” You turned to him with a smile, the fakest smile you could pull. “So, go on stage and good luck, alright?” You pinched his cheek, jokingly.

Tom didn’t move. He frowned. “So you can easily just bullshit this all through?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “We can’t let them know we are not-”

“Well why-”

“Just pretend, Thomas, it’s not that difficult, besides, you said it, we are friends, aren’t we?” You didn’t mean to be rude but it seemed that today it was the only thing you could be.

Tom sighed.

“But I mean it, good luck, you’re gonna kill them,” you placed a hand on his shoulder.

Tom didn’t give you any reaction.

“Come on, now, chop chop!” You clapped your hands. “Go on stage! It’s time,” you grinned, you took his hand and dragged him to the small stage your nana, Andrew, Kat and you had set up for them. Harry and Kat were staring into each other’s eyes or whatever adorable shit they always came up with. Tom gave them a second glance. You saw it. He was hurt.

What the hell were you supposed to do? Support him in his stupid heartbreak when his feelings were so stupidly and arrogantly selfish? Support him when you were broken-hearted yourself?

You had to, because…He was a friend. First and foremost. “No, no, now smile,” you made him look at you. “Go on, good luck, break a leg,” you said before kissing his cheek, leaving your lips tattooed on bright red. Tom was confused by the matters of it but before he could question you, you pushed him up the stage and went to take your seat with Andrew.

Kat joined you shortly after. You only smiled at her. Hoping both Andrew and Kat would buy the con you’d try to pull. To pretend you’re friends with Tom as if he hadn’t broken your heart merely moments ago.

And before you knew it, they had started playing. This had probably not been how you had expected summer to end, not with an ache growing in your chest and your eyes fighting not to cry. But Pandora’s Sign was officially playing for people. Actual people, and that was good enough to forget your heartbreak. For a bit, at least. Tom and Harry had a band that people who weren’t Kat Andrew or you were listening to and it held a promise that would be fulfilled.

Nick had come, he’d brought in some friends as he said he would. He had smiled at you, with a smile that also seemed to hold a promise, but you ignored it.

At least their music had managed to bring the happiness back to the friend group, a happiness that you were sure nothing would be able to break. Even when the music ended, it seemed that the applause had been just eager enough. You even went past the need of ignoring Tom, and for a moment you didn’t pretend and ran to hug him.

Everything was going perfect. Besides, Kat had made the band t-shirts with the logo she’d designed. Pandora holding a hawkshead flower. So delicately designed for them. It was perfect. Picture perfect. And so a picture was taken, to capture the happiness that the five of you never wanted to let go off.

And your heartbreak had been pushed aside, and you’d hugged Andrew, and Tom and Harry and Kat. Knowing that the happiness would preserve. Because you knew that although the summer wasn’t made for romance, maybe it had been for a friendship. And, although the summer was ending, your story was barely beginning.

↳ read Kat’s version here and Tom’s conversation with Kat. (Harry fic)

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onlyfreds · 3 years

Text

Malibu | F.W.

Title: Malibu

Requested: Yes/No

Summary: After seeing her ex with his “new girl”, Y/N drives to Malibu and reunites with her best friend and his family. But, little does she know: that he holds key to complete her once broken heart.

Warning/s: mentions of cheating, mentions of a wound, the ex boyfriend, basically the whole Sour album being referenced

A/N: Finally, after a month, I had finally finished this fic! I recommend listening to this while reading!

I parked my car near Santa Monica beach. The pain from being broken up by the person I loved was still fresh.

It’s not like I haven’t moved on yet. I have. But some scars take more time to heal.

It didn’t feel like rubbing salt to a wound, but just spraying a bit of alcohol on it. It stings, but it’s bearable.

I walked towards the beach, feeling the softness of the sand underneath my sandals until I saw something that made me stop in my tracks.

It was him, him and his new girl.

The two of them sat happily by the ocean, he was playing our song on his guitar, the song I played to him when we were still dating.

They were sitting at our place. The place I found.

Her laugh echoed through the air as they traded jackets and started laughing about how small it looked on him.

Did he even tell her that we did all those things too?

I took a deep breath, half of my mind wanted me to walk over to them and smack him right across the face for doing every special thing we did with her.

But the other half just wanted me to walk away and forget all about it. It had been two weeks since we broke up, so what right did I have to do that?

I took another deep breath, running back to my car and stepping on the gas heading off the who knows where.

I’d settle for anywhere but here.

I turned on the radio as I drove through the highway, as song playing immediately.

So, when you gonna tell her, that we did that too?

She thinks it’s special, but it’s all reused

That was our place, I found it first.

I made the jokes you tell to her when she’s with you

Do you get déjà vu?

I laughed, even Olivia Rodrigo knew how it feels.

I gripped the steering wheel harder, a destination entering my mind, if he could move on and find someone knew, then who said that I couldn’t too?

With a small smile, I took a right turn at the intersection, to head over to Malibu.

Once I arrived, the sun has set and the sky has been painted with a blanket of stars.

Stepping out of my car, I breathed in the fresh air from the beach. The tension I had felt earlier becoming nonexistent.

I bought strawberry ice cream, sitting contentedly on the sand as the waves calmly came in contact with the shore every now and then.

“Y/N? Is that you?” A voice that I hadn’t heard for so long suddenly spoke.

I looked behind me, immediately spotting my ginger best friend, “Freddie.”

He sat down on the sand beside me, “Is that really you?” He asked.

I chuckled, putting down my ice cream cup, “In the flesh.”

Fred grinned, pulling me into a tight hug, “It’s been so long! How have you been?”

“I’m fine.” I answered, “Finally moved on.”

“Hey,” He said softly, cupping my face in his hands and lifting my face up to look at him, “What’s wrong? And don’t tell me it’s nothing, I know there’s something wrong.”

I sighed, “I just him at our place, singing our song, with his new girl.”

Fred pulled me into his chest, running his fingers through my hair in a comforting manner, “You deserve so much better than that git. He didn’t know what kind of angel he lost.”

He then stood up, pulling me up with him and dragging me to the nearby hotel, “Come on. The rest of the family is in the hotel.”

He brought me up to a hotel room, even if we were standing by the door, the chatter could still be heard.

Fred opened the door, “Mum! I brought someone over!”

The warm motherly voice of Molly spoke, “Who is it dear?”

Ginny was the first one who spotted me, “Y/N!” She said immediately tackling me into a hug.

After Ginny, Molly and the rest of the Weasleys greeted me with hugs.

When I was still with my ex, he had basically forbidden me from seeing the Weasleys, for reasons that he never told me.

Being rebellious, I sneaked out a couple times and whenever he caught me, it was the cause of our biggest fights.

The girls and I catched up with each other by the couch, as I found out that George and Angelina would be getting married by the end of the month.

“Aaw.” I cooed, nudging Angelina’s shoulder teasingly, “My match making skills have finally paid off.”

Hermione and Ginny laughed as Angelina smacked me on the shoulder, trying to hide the blush that has rose up to her cheeks.

“Well, I already have a bet on who’s getting married next.” Ginny said with a small smile, taking another sip of her wine.

“Who?” Hermione asked, handing me the bottle, as I poured more of the drink into my glass.

“Fred and Y/N.” Ginny said in as a matter-of-fact tone.

I nearly spilled the wine on my clothes, “What?”

“What do you mean what? You’ve fancied him for as long as any of us could remember. And I just know that you still fancied him even if when you were still with Asher.” Hermione said, taking the bottle away from me before I could make a real mess.

“It’s obvious that Fred fancies you. He has always been head over heels in love with you.” Angelina added.

I glanced over my shoulder, seeing Fred talking to his twin as he sent a wink in my direction.

I managed a small smile, “He doesn’t fancy me and he’ll never will.”

The youngest Weasley rolled her eyes, “He does and he has always been.”

I scoffed, “How sure are you about that Gin?”

“Just in case you forgot, I’m his sister Y/N. And not to mention the way he looks at you, the way he acts around you. It’s obvious to everyone except you.”

(Fred’s POV)

“You know,” George said, “Instead of gawking at her like a complete idiot, why don’t you just ask her out already?”

I looked at my twin, “I’m not gawking at her.”

He rolled his eyes, “Could’ve fooled anyone.” He said sarcastically.

“She only looks at me as a brother.” I said.

“No she doesn’t.” George took another sip of his drink, “The two of you practically chase each other around like lovesick puppies.”

“I’m not sure Georgie.”

My twin sighed, “There’s a simple solution to that. Will you treat her like how her git of an ex treated her?”

I looked at him as if he suddenly grew two heads, “What kind of question is that? Of course, I wouldn’t.”

“Would you treat her better than he ever did?”

“Yes!”

He shrugged, “Then there’s your answer.”

I ran a hand through my hair, “Do you think this is really the right time?”

George gave a small smile, “It’s up to you, but I think that the wedding would come in handy.” He said with a small wink.

(Reader’s POV)

As the night deepened, the alcohol settling into our systems.

I stood up, as Ginny yawned, “I guess I better be going now. It’s pretty late.”

“What room are you staying in dear?” Molly asked.

I shook my head, “I just dropped by. I’ll be driving back home.”

Molly gave a small smile, “That’s out of the question dear, why don’t you just stay with us?”

I chuckled, “No need Molly. I don’t want to be a burden.”

“Nonsense.” She insisted, “You’re staying with us.”

“Yeah Mum.” George agreed, “And she could share a room with Fred.”

Fred cheeks immediately flushed pink as Molly said, “That’s a great idea George.”

And that’s how I ended up in the bathroom of Fred’s hotel room, changing into his sweater and some shorts.

“You know.” Fred said when I came out, “If you’re uncomfortable sharing a bed, I can always sleep on the couch.”

I shook my head, giving him a reassuring smile, “Don’t worry Freddie. I’m fine.”

He chuckled climbing into bed and lifting up the duvets, “Come on, what are you waiting for?”

I laughed, rolling my eyes at him, “Always impatient, are you?”

“Why wait when there’s so many things life has to offer?”

I chuckled as I climbed in beside him, “That’s still your motto?”

He laughed, wrapping an arm around my waist, “That’ll always be my motto.”

The next morning, while the rest of the Weasleys were still asleep, Fred and I decided to head down to take a walk on the beach.

“Do you remember when we were kids.” Fred said, out of the blue, shoving his hands in his pockets, “Whenever our parents brought us here, you, George and I would always attempt to bury Percy deep in the sand.”

I laughed at the memory, “Yeah, Percy would always complain about getting sand in his nose.”

Fred grinned, “We would bury him so deep that it was already lunch time by the time he got out.”

I suddenly looked in front of my me, my smile fading as at the person I saw.

Fred noticed the sudden quietness, “Hey, is everything al-“ The next word died in his throat as he glanced in the direction I was looking at and saw exactly what made me upset.

It was Asher, with his new girl.

Fred immediately placed a protective arm on my waist, “Come on, let’s go.”

But before we could even leave, I heard the voice of the person I’ve been dreading call out, “Y/N? Fred? Is that you?”

Not being able to escape the inevitable fate, I threw on a smile as the couple walked towards us, Fred tightening his grip on my waist.

“How have you two been?” He asked, interlocking his hands with his new girl.

“Never been better.” I said, giving him a smile to show him I was alright without him.

Asher nodded to Fred’s arm around my waist, “So, you two are together?”

I opened my mouth to answer but Fred beat me to it, “Yeah, we are.”

Asher smiled. “That’s great! I always knew that you two would get together.”

I raised a brow at him, “Really?”

He nodded, “Yeah. You two just have this amazing chemistry that we never had.”

Surprisingly, that didn’t sting. If anything, it actually made me happier.

I smiled, “I always knew that someday I’ll be everything to somebody else.”

Silence lingered among the group for a while, before Asher spoke up, "Well, we better be going now. See you two around then."

"He's like a damn sociopath." Fred muttered once the couple was out of earshot.

I laughed, "You got that right."

"He broke my heart but he broke much more." I said with a small shrug.

Fred kept his arm wrapped around my waist as we walked along the shoreline, "But don't worry about that idiot. Who knows? Maybe the guy who'll treat you better is just around the corner."

His gaze then shifted towards the ocean, a small smile growing on his lips.

I could practically see the gears turning in his head. I nudged his shoulder gently, "What's going on in that big brain of yours?"

"Something to get your mind off your worries and problems." He said, the smile transitioning into a huge grin.

I immediately caught on as to what he was thinking, "Freddie! Swimming in the ocean in Malibu won't solve our problems."

He laughed, "Obviously. But it would make you forget about them."

I chuckled, "I'm obviously not wearing a swimsuit Fred. I won't swim."

Fred shrugged, swiftly taking off his shirt to reveal his toned torso, "Suit yourself then." He said before running towards the body of water and jumping in.

I laughed at his childish antics, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Come on!" He encouraged, shaking the water out of his hair, "It'll be fun!"

I mulled over it for a while before finally giving in.

"Fine." I said, taking off my jacket, leaving my shirt and shorts on before running down the sand and jumping in.

"See?" Fred said, splashing water to my face, "What did I tell you?"

I playfully rolled my eyes at him, "Fine. Fine. You were right."

The two of us chased each other around, just like we did when we were little.

Fred's gaze suddenly landed behind me. Before I could ask what that was about, he placed a hand on my cheek before crashing our lips together.

When we pulled apart, he kept his hand on my cheek as a blush rose up to his cheeks.

"A-asher was looking our way." He managed to stutter out, "Just thought we'd make it look realistic."

I bit my lip as I nodded, trying to hide my disappointment, "Yeah. Good call."

God, it's brutal out here.

Fred and I were out getting our outfits for the wedding.

He had already gotten his tuxedo so we just needed to get my dress.

"How does this look Freddie?" I asked, stepping out of the dressing room as I gave him a small turn.

He grinned, "It looks beautiful on you."

I blushed at the compliment, hopefully he wouldn't notice.

"This is the one I'll get then." I said, turning around to go change.

"Y/N, wait!" Fred called out.

"Yeah Freddie?" I asked.

He bit his lip, looking slightly embarrassed, "Do you want to go to the wedding as my date?"

I looked at him, "As your date?"

"Yeah."

I smiled, "I would love to."

Then I went back into the changing room.

Fred and I were walking around the park, waiting to meet up with Harry and Ginny.

From a distance, we spotted Asher and his new girl, having a picnic.

Fred scoffed, putting his arm around my shoulder, "He's showing her off like she's a new trophy."

I laughed, placing my hands in my pockets, "He brings her around just to shut me down."

"He's an idiot." Fred said.

"At least he's not my idiot."

"To the newly-weds!" Fred finished his best man's speech, raising a toast to his twin and new sister-in-law as the party officially started.

The night wasn't getting any younger, I stepped out of the venue, breathing in the ocean breeze.

"Mind if I join you?" Fred asked, suddenly appearing by my side.

I nodded, giving him a small smile, "When did I mind your company?"

We walked down the sand, getting farther and farther away from the chaos and noise of the party and into our own bubble of tranquility.

"The stars look beautiful tonight." Fred contemplated, looking up at the night sky.

I chuckled, "Yeah, they're always beautiful."

A small chuckle could be heard from the man next to me, "Not as beautiful as you though."

I blushed at the compliment, looking down at my feet.

"I probably give you butterflies." He said, "With the way you're blushing like a teenage schoolgirl."

I took a deep breath, regaining a bit of my composure, "Well I was never told I was beautiful before."

His eyes widened in surprise, "What? Even the git tell you that?"

I laughed, "Is it that hard to believe? Well, he called me pretty once. But he never said that I was beautiful. He claimed to not be the 'compliment type'."

Fred rolled his eyes at the last two words, "Well, I don't care if he's not the 'compliment type' because he is an idiot for not telling you how beautiful you are."

"Besides," he added, "don't you think that you loved him too much to think that you deserve nothing?" He asked.

"I don't know." I admitted, "Maybe?"

He playfully scoffed, tucking his hands into the pockets of his pants, "The things I would do so I could call you mine."

His words caused me to stop in my tracks as I looked at him, "What?"

He shrugged, "You heard what I said."

"Are you serious?" I asked, "Because I remembered that I believed that moment he said it."

Fred rested a hand on my cheek, "I want to give you the world. Look, I understand that you might not be ready, after how that git treated you. But I love you, Y/N. More than anything else in this whole world. I would treat you so much better than anyone else could ever do. I love you so much."

I looked at him in complete, utter shock. Not saying a word, I launched myself into his arms, crashing our lips together as Fred stumbled back slightly.

"I love you too Freddie." I whispered as we pulled away.

He grinned, "Thank goodness. Or else that sudden confession would've been quite awkward."

Fred then leaned forward and pecked my lips, "I promise that I would never ever treat you the way he did. Ever. Cross my heart that if I ever cross the line, please put me in my place."

I laughed, "Hopefully I won't have to do that."

Ain't it funny that I just realized that I knew how he liked his coffee and his favorite songs by heart.

Four years.

Four years of blissfulness, excitement, adventure.

Four years of complete honesty, trust, and love.

No twisted games. No questions being avoided.

That's when we finally decided to tie the knot.

It may not have been the wedding of the century, but a beach wedding in Malibu was more than enough for the both of us.

"If anyone is against the marriage of Fred Weasley and Y/N L/N, please come forward now or forever hold your peace." The minister said.

No one gave an answer, the minister was then about to continue when the voice I haven't heard in a long time was suddenly heard.

"Wait! Stop the wedding!"

Asher stopped, standing in the middle of the aisle. Desperation being the only thing that could be seen in his eyes.

"What is he doing here?" Fred whispered.

I shrugged, "I don't know. I specifically made sure not to send him an invite, even by accident."

"Don't marry him Y/N. Please." Asher pleaded, "Take me back."

I looked at him, "What in the damn world do you think will make me do that?"

"Please." He repeated, "I regret how I treated you. I never should've left you to be with Jessica."

I shook my head, "Nothing. Absolutely nothing in this world could convince me to get back with you. You left me. For Jessica. You knew how I was so insecure about her. You found someone more exciting, the next second you were gone. Fred is so much better than you could ever become. Fred picked me up when I spent the night crying on the floor of my bathroom. You were so unaffected."

"I did everything I could for you." He argued.

"No you didn't!" I said, "And you never did."

“I never cheated on you.” He reasoned.

I scoffed, “It took you two weeks, to go out and date her. I guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor. You always said I’m never satisfied, but it’s not me, it’s you. ‘Cause all I ever wanted was to be enough for you. Did you love me? Want me? Hate me? I never understood. I tried so hard to be everything that you like. But you left me there crying, wondering what I did wrong.”

He sighed, “I’m selfish. I know, can’t let you go. So, find someone great but don’t find no one better. I hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier.”

“Why shouldn’t I be happier?” I asked, “Fred put the pieces of my heart back together when you broke it. He knew the truth even though I defended you from all my friends when you used me as an alibi. He never made me doubt myself. He filled the space in my heart that you failed to. Fred gave me my self worth and he promised to stay with me, he’s still yet to break that promise.”

Asher hung his head in defeat, “Well, I wish you all the best, really.”

I nodded, giving him a small smile, “And about Jessica, I hope that you’re okay.”

Once Asher left, Fred beamed at me, “I didn’t know that I had such an awesome wife.”

“Anyone else?” The minister asked, to which he was greeted by silence.

He then continued, “Do you, Fred Weasley, take Y/N L/N to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do.” Fred answered without a second thought.

“Do you, Y/N L/N, take Fred Weasley to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

I smiled, “I do.”

“With the power invested in me, you may now kiss the bride.”

—

“You’re doing amazing sweetheart.” Fred cooed, pressing a kiss to my sweaty forehead, “Just a few more pushes.”

I groaned as the pain flared in my stomach, “You did this to me you idiot!”

“Yeah.” He mused, “But you’re doing a wonderful job bringing our baby into the world.”

A cry soon echoed in the room as the Healer handed Fred his daughter, “Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Weasley! What’re you naming her?”

Fred and I shared a smile, “Malibu Weasley.”

𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝:

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#fredweasley #fredweasleyfanfic #fredweasleyimagines #fred weasley angst #fred weasley fluff #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley x you #fred weasley x y/n #fredweasleyoneshots #fredweasleysmut

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pastelwitchling · 3 years

Text

Based on Olivia Rodrigo’s song, “Traitor.”

***

Michael felt like he was treading the edge of a cliff leading off onto sharp spikes; with caution, no small amount of fear, and the realization that if he fell, the injuries would be detrimental.

Granted, he was just walking up to Alex’s booth at the Crashdown, the airman jotting something down in his journal. Alex and Forrest may have broken up weeks ago, but Forrest must have left some trace behind because Alex was a lot more confident about writing his music in public. It was the one good thing Michael would begrudgingly admit Forrest had done in dating Alex. Loving and caring for him like he deserved was also true, but not something Michael would admit to as easily.

And the thing was, Michael had thought Alex was fine with his relationship ending. He’d told Michael as much when they’d been working late one night at the bunker, and Michael had asked, unable to help the bitterness in his voice, if it was because Alex had been trying to avoid going back to an empty house.

Alex had merely smiled softly, like he could read Michael’s thoughts, and said, “I’m okay, Guerin. It’s just another crack. My heart’s not that easy to break.”

Michael hadn’t been able to resist asking if he had ever broken Alex’s heart, and Alex had pressed his lips together and returned his attention to his encrypted files, as if he hadn’t heard Michael’s question at all.

So Michael hadn’t pushed, and he’d let Alex take the lead on how often they were going to hang out, how long they were allowed to touch. He’d stayed close, eager for every opportunity that came, every brush of their fingers or smiles Alex gave only him. Then, this morning, he’d shown up at Alex’s place with breakfast, hoping to ask him out on a real date, and he’d heard music playing out the window.

That was when any happiness he’d acquired since Alex and Forrest broke up had ended. As he listened to the lyrics Alex sang, stabbing deeper into him with every word, the bagels had almost fallen from his hand and he’d all but slumped against a wall.

Alex said Michael had betrayed him, that he’d loved Michael at his worst but it had meant nothing in the end, that Michael had run off to Maria, eager to be with her. Alex had called Michael a traitor.

Michael hated that the words were now burned in his memory, that the cruelty of what he’d done had been confirmed by something as loving as Alex’s songs. The worst part – the absolute worst part – was that Alex was acting like nothing was wrong.

“Hey,” he smiled now as Michael slid into the seat opposite him. Michael noted that he closed the journal. “I missed you this morning. What happened?”

Michael had told Alex he might be coming over. Michael wondered if Alex had intended him to hear those cruel words, to know that he had hurt Alex in an irreparable way, and that he could never forgive Michael for what he’d done.

Michael plastered on a smirk. “Problem with the truck. Wouldn’t start.”

“Oh no,” Alex’s brows pinched and he looked out the window, presumably for Michael’s truck. “I hope nothing’s wrong with it.”

“Small engine problem,” he shrugged. “Fixed it.”

“Well, good job,” Alex huffed a chuckle. “I’m just sorry you had to spend your morning under a hood.”

No, Michael thought. I spent it pacing the junkyard, running over the million ways you would end this. The ways you would tell me that I disgust you, that you can’t stop being angry, that you were leaving forever this time. The ways you would break me for good.

“I’m here now,” Michael said instead. “With you.”

Alex scoffed, smiling. He looked away, his cheeks red, and it hurt Michael’s heart for a completely different reason this time. He wanted to climb over the table and kiss those cheeks, feel their warmth, take in Alex’s laughter. The bigger part of him, however, wouldn’t dare. The bigger part of him knew the truth, that Alex was still so angry with him. That he really may never want him again.

Be honest, he pleaded silently. Tell me what you’re really thinking so I don’t have to go through the worst-case scenarios in my head.

“What’re you writing?” he asked.

“Oh, just some thoughts,” Alex shrugged and looked away with a clear of his throat. “You hungry? I ordered their cheese burgers, I know you like those.”

Alex knew his order. Michael found himself deeper in the same position as earlier; not knowing whether he wanted to smother Alex in kisses or cry.

Alex seemed to notice his hesitation though because his smile faltered, his brows furrowing. “What’s wrong?”

Michael smiled, trying to shake his head, to lie and say that nothing was wrong at all. But his heart was hammering too painfully, the dread of what was sure to come climbing higher up his throat, threatening to leave. He sat still, tense, for a long time. Alex seemed to be patiently waiting for his answer.

He huffed. “Just get it over with, okay?”

Alex frowned. “Get what over with?” His voice was gentle, his hand inching towards Michael’s closed fist. Michael’s fingers stopped trembling when Alex covered his hand with his own.

“I know you’re pissed,” he said, unwilling to move his hand away from Alex’s, afraid that it would be the last time they would be allowed to touch. “I know you still hate me for – for DeLuca, but I swear, Alex, it didn’t mean anything, I just – I wanted something easier and, and I was really messed up after Max, and my mom, and – and –”

“Whoa, whoa,” Alex shook his head. “Guerin, slow down, what’re you talking about?”

Michael clenched his jaw. Was Alex really trying to torture him now? Prolong the suffering? He turned his hand over under Alex’s, grabbing his wrist tightly enough to bruise.

“Private, I heard your song this morning,” he said. “‘Loved you at your worst, but that didn’t matter, it took you two weeks to go off and date her, guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still –‘”

“‘A traitor,’” Alex finished, understanding dawning.

“I know it’s what you really think of me, otherwise you wouldn’t have written it,” Michael said, pained. “I know you – you can’t forgive me, but I’ll do anything, Alex, anything to get you to trust me again. I know it’s hard right now, but . . .”

Michael trailed off as Alex ducked his head, his shoulders shaking. Michael couldn’t believe it. Alex was laughing. His lower lip trembled. He never thought Alex would be this coldhearted, even if he was blunt.

“Alex –”

“I love you,” Alex laughed, his eyes and smile fonder than Michael had ever seen them as he looked back up at him. “God, I love you so much.”

Michael felt his heart stop beating, tentative. “W-What?”

“Baby,” Alex took hold of Michael’s fist, and held it up to his lips to kiss. Michael swallowed. Alex settled his chin on their held hands. “That song is called “Traitor.” And I didn’t write it. Olivia Rodrigo did.”

Michael tried to process that. Finally, he frowned, and said, “What?”

“Some pop song,” he shook his head, eyes twinkling, amused. “Isobel sends me whichever ones she thinks I’ll like, and this one, admittedly, stuck in my head for obvious reasons. I was just trying it out for fun on the piano this morning. That must’ve been what you heard.”

Michael blushed as the truth became clearer. “You – you didn’t write it?”

Alex shook his head, his smile warm and kind and, well, loving. So loving that Michael couldn’t help but leave his seat and slide in next to Alex, startling him.

“You really don’t hate me?”

“Guerin,” he scoffed, like it was obvious, “you’re always the first person I tell anything to. Whatever I’m feeling, not even music gets to know before you do.”

A relieved chuckle started to tug at Michael’s lips, and he gripped Alex’s hand tightly, even as he slumped back in his seat, his head rested back, staring at the ceiling. “Oh my god, I can breathe. I can actually breathe again.”

Alex sighed and surprised Michael by resting his head on his shoulder. Michael’s arm instinctively fell over his shoulders and gripped him tightly.

“Seriously, Guerin,” Alex breathed, content, and Michael pulled him in closer. “You could’ve just asked.”

***

I had to. You know I had to.

#alex manes #michael guerin #malex #malex fic #malex fanfic #malex fanfiction #roswell new mexico #roswell nm #malex angst #malex fluff #tyler blackburn #michael vlamis

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imaginedxlan · 3 years

Text

Drivers License (Ron Weasley)

a/n: have y’all HEARD drivers license by olivia rodrigo? sis DRAGGED joshua bassett, as she should have. Any who, I did this type of song based imagine with New Years Day by Taylor Swift and its still one of my absolute favorites I’ve ever written, so here we go

Y/N has cared for her best friend, Ginny Weasley’s, older brother Ron for as long as she can remember, but every time it he shows any sort of affection back, its not long before he moves onto the next girl.

warning(s): I don’t think any, please let me know if I missed any

Part 2

_____________________

I got my driver’s license last week Just like we always talked about 'Cause you were so excited for me To finally drive up to your house

Being muggle born, you always knew one day you would eventually have to get your license. Without the ability to use magic outside of school, driving a car was the second best way to get around. Last week, on the exact day of your sixteenth birthday, you finally passed your drivers test. You were ecstatic, you had been talking about finally being able to drive a car with all your friends, both muggle and magic, for years now, especially with the Weasleys.

You and Ginny had become friends during second year, both being in Gryffindor and all, but it wasn’t until fourth year that you realized how unlucky you were to have a best friend with such handsome brothers. Bill, Charlie and the Twins were far too old for you, so was Percy but your issue with him wasn’t so much age, rather how much of a priss he was. Ron was like god in your eyes. Only a year older than you and Ginny, but somehow he seemed to much more mature.

To be clear, you never used your relationship with Ginny to become close with him, he was more and added bonus to being friends with a girl like Gin. When Ginny and Harry became closer, it only made sense for you to spend more time with Ron, now that both of your best friends were occupied. He loved to listen about your life as a muggle, he heard a lot from Hermione, but your stories were just as interesting. When he found out you were to get your license this Summer, he wouldn’t stop talking about how you could just drive to The Burrow and visit them for days on end. It made you happy when he would seem so excited to spend time with you.

“Ron you do realize this is no more exciting than when my parents would drive me to your house.” You laugh at his planning for all that you’ll be able to do now that you have your license. You were in the common room just after dinner, trying to distract him from the fact that his sister and Harry had just snuck off to the astronomy tower. He hadn’t asked about either of them just yet.

“I know, I know. But you’ll be able to come whenever you want now, no one has to drive you to us, it’s all you.” He laughed with you, but slowly began to stop, looking almost out of breath. His eyes kept switching between your eyes and your lips, which made your heart catch in your throat. “Bloody hell, when did you get so gorgeous.”

This made your cheeks heat up, the thought of Ronald Weasley thinking his kid sister’s friend is anything other than just that. You don’t respond, feeling as though all the words you could’ve said were stolen from your vocabulary. His right hand reached out to grab your cheek, his thumb moving across the soft skin that was turning more and more pink by the second. You couldn’t help yourself from turning your eyes toward his lips, his tongue running across his bottom one.

“Ron,” You finally croak out, the only thing you could manage to say in your flustered state.

He doesn’t respond, only ducks his head down until you’re just centimeters from each other. You can feel his breath, hot against your skin. You couldn’t take it anymore, closing the gap between your lips. The first time you ever kissed Ron Weasley. Your heart was doing gymnastics as your brain was trying to comprehend what in the hell was happening. His lips were soft compared to his calloused hands. You had kissed other boys, plenty actually, but this wasn’t like any of the other kisses you’d ever had.

He pulls away from you, steadying his breath. He presses his forehead to your, staying like that for a while. “After you get your license you can come ‘round my house and we can do that for a minute before anyone even knows you’re there.”

And you're probably with that blonde girl Who always made me doubt She's so much older than me She's everything I'm insecure about

It wasn’t long after your kiss that Lavender Brown came into the picture. In the back of your head, you hoped that after what had ensued in the common room, he wouldn’t give the girl a second look. She’s beautiful, curly blonde hair, blue eyes, and more confident than you could ever dream of being. She started by complimenting Ron in the great hall, he didn’t think much of it until he realized just how much Lavender fawning over him boosted his ego.

The worst part is that she was his age. There was no chance of him thinking of her as just a child, just his sister’s friend. She was everything you wanted to be and more. It’s not that you didn’t think of him the way she did, you just didn’t have the nerve to say it to him. After you kissed in the common room, and in his room, and in your room, and in the random broom closet on your way back from class one day, you found yourself even more nervous around the ginger than before. You still felt the exact same way you did you years.

After Gryffindors win over Slytherin, all thanks to Weasley, the Gryffindor common room was absolutely buzzing. Screams and shouts about how Ron Weasley saved the day, chanting his name over and over. You and Ginny just watched from the side, letting him bask in his own glory before you went to say anything to him.

“You really like him don’t you?” Ginny asks, pulling you from your gaze. You looked at him with the biggest smile on your face, clapping along to all the chants. “And don’t lie to me, I know a face of a girl in love with one of my brothers when I see one.”

You could feel your cheeks turn red when she caught you, but still smiled as you couldn’t help yourself. “I guess I do. He’s different, you know? Never felt this way about anyone.”

Ginny just rolled her eyes, but you knew she was happy for you. She secretly had always wished you’d end up with one of her brothers so you could be sisters one day. Just as you’re about to make your way over to congratulate the boy, Lavender Brown, with all her confidence, pulls him down my his arm and plants her lips on his. You freeze in your place, heart dropping to your toes, hoping to every god there is that he doesn’t kiss her back. But he does. Just feet from where he first kissed you only months ago, he wrapped his arms around the blonde girl and you feel your chest burn. Ginny grabs your hand, forcing you to look away from the sight in front of you, and drags you down to your dorm. She doesn’t say anything, doesn’t make excuses for her brother, just strokes your hair as you stare at the wall in front of you. You don’t cry, you can’t bring yourself to do it. The beautiful things he would say to you over the past few months about how he felt when he held you or what you would do together when you could finally drive to the Burrow. The things that made you fall head over heels in love with him, all of it felt like a lie now. Because now he’s kissing that blonde girl in the place he kissed you for the first time as if you had been erased from his mind.

But today I drove through the suburbs Crying 'cause you weren't around

Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs 'Cause how could I ever love someone else?

You couldn’t avoid the Burrow forever, Ginny is still your best friend after all. She had sent countless letters in the weeks leading up to your birthday, begging you to come and see her so you could drive around like a bunch of muggle teenagers.

Your heart couldn’t quite take the idea of driving up to that house, the one where he lived, the one that he gushed about you driving to and kissing in the back seat of your car, but that didn’t matter. You thought forcing yourself to face what you didn’t want to see was the only way you could heal.

He isn’t with Lavender anymore, you half expected after their breakup that he would come to you and apologize, tell you he meant all the things he said to you and that he never meant to be with her. But he moved on quicker than you expected, and not to you. To Hermione. That hurt worse that seeing him kiss Lavender. Even when he was with Lavender, you would catch him in the common room and he would smile at you, touch your leg and say things that made your heart burst.

“I still think about that night, you know? In here.”

It felt wrong for him to be saying those things to you, especially while he was spoken for, but you never stopped him. It wasn’t until he fell ill after being poisoned that you realized he never loved Lavender. You, Ginny, and Hermione sat by his bed while he was unconscious. When Lavender came in carrying on about her ‘Won-Won,’ he began whispering Hermione’s name in his sleep, and you knew it wasn’t Lavender you had to compete with, it was Hermione Granger.

Ginny grabbed your hand like she did at the Gryffindor party and led you out of the hospital wing where you spent hours next to him, just for him to say her name. You cried this time, knowing now you weren’t his second choice either.

Now here you are, driving up to the Burrow with tears in your eyes because all you could associate with this place was how your heart would beat out of control when Ron would speak about you visiting him. You couldn’t bring yourself to hate him though, how could you? You spent years caring for him before he showed you even the slightest bit of affection, you were used to being disappointed by Ronald Weasley, it never made you love him any less. He stopped saying the types of things he used to now that he was with Hermione, perhaps you were just a place holder for her. He didn’t ignore you, which was actually worse, you wish he would just pretend you didn’t exist. Instead, he pretended like you never meant anything more to him than being just his sister’s mate, like you never kissed him, like he never told you how much you meant to him.

The house buzzes with energy and you fix yourself before getting out of the car. The twins are batting in the yard while Molly yells for them from the kitchen. You’ve always loved the Burrow, how much noise there is compared to your house, but today you dread walking in.

“Y/n!” Molly greets you, patting her hands against her skirt before pulling you in for a hug. “How I’ve missed you sweet girl. Come, come! I have a little something for you, I know its a week late but I couldn’t let your birthday pass with nothing!”

She pulls you into the living room where a tiny wrapped box lies next to the couch, next to Ginny, Ron and Hermione. Ginny smiles as soon as she sees you, jumping up to pull you into a tight hug. Ron and Hermione don’t get up, just say hello from their spots on the couch before going back to whatever they’re talking about. Your heart aches.

Mrs. Weasley hands you the small back, urging you to open it. Inside is a necklace with a small red gem and a lion pendant. You gasp at its beauty and its thoughtfulness. “Oh Mrs. Weasley! You shouldn’t have!”

“Merlin, y/n, how many times must I tell you to call me Molly!” She scolds you with a laugh. “It’s nothing, really dear. You’ve meant so much to this family for so long, it would be like not giving a birthday gift to my own child.”

You smile for a moment before remembering that Ron had forgotten your birthday. You got letters from Ginny, other friends from school, even the twins and Harry had sent you a short message, but not Ron. “Oi, is it your birthday?”

“Last week.” You correct the boy, not wanting to speak with him any further.

“Ah, sorry mate, I forgot.” He says nonchalantly. “You got your license, right? You get a car too?”

You simply nod and look toward Ginny for help, she immediately intervenes by saying, “Well, y/n promised she’d take me for a ride. Want to feel like a muggle teenager for once. See you all later.”

“Be safe you two!” Molly yells after you as you make your way to your brand new car. The twins shout about you ‘sweet wheels’ before you take off with Ginny.

“I’m sorry about him, y/n.” She apologizes for her brother as you pull further from the house. “He’s a real git sometimes.”

“S’alright Gin, I’m here to see you anyway.” You assure her, trying to hide that your heart breaks every time you see her brother. “Now where to?”

I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone 'Cause you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

You truly thought he felt the same way you did about him. How could you not? The night after you kissed Ron Weasley for the first time, you found that you couldn’t escape him, not that you wanted to. You would see him in the great hall, in the common rooms, in the hallways, he was everywhere and gave you butterflies every time he looked your way.

He would pull you away from your friends to sneak a kiss in a broom closet or in his dorm, making you feel like you were in a movie. He said the most lovely things to you, telling you he wished he had fallen for you sooner, but he would never be so open around his friends. Around Hermione. You never minded, as long as you had him in some shape or form.You usually had higher standards when it came to liking a boy, but you’d never felt the way you felt about Ron with anyone you’d ever liked.

“I love the way your hair gets messy throughout the day,” He whispers to you after you had finished snogging in his dorm. “How do you look so beautiful, always.”

“I think you made it this messy you idiot,” You push his shoulder, trying to hide your blushing cheeks. “Now I have to fix it.”

“No, don’t!” He stops you, grabbing your hand, interlacing his fingers with yours. “Lay with me for a minute. I want to hold you for a while.”

Your heart was beating out of his chest for him and only him. As his arms snaked around your body, lips pressing to the skin of your neck, you never felt more content. “I feel at home when I’m holding you like this.”

When he said those things to you, how could imagine him ever moving onto someone else so soon. How could he say those things to you and so quickly be okay with losing you like that. You couldn’t wrap your head around how he told you that you felt like home just before kissing Lavender Brown right in front of you, then completely erased you from his past to date Hermione Granger.

Whats worse is whenever you go to the Burrow, you can always hear Ron playing his guitar, even from Ginny’s room. You think he does it on purpose, just hoping you’ll cry yourself to sleep or something. It brings back memories of the nights you spent in the boys dorm, drunk off fire whiskey, as he sang made up songs to you as he strummed along with his guitar.

“I want to hold you close forever, ‘cause you’re the kind of girl I’ve only dreamt of. And my heart burns when we’re together, can’t help but smile with you my darling love.”

He sang, very poorly, but still sang. Your heart skipped a beat when he sang those words. “Ronald Weasley! Did you just call me your love?”

“Shut up,” He teases, throwing a pillow toward you. “You know I don’t think before I speak when I’m drunk.”

And now he was singing words just like that to Hermione Granger as you sat in Ginny’s room, tears silently spilling down your cheeks. He obviously didn’t mean those words he sang to you not even six months ago, if he did he wouldn’t be singing them to Hermione. You obviously have two different meaning of forever, because hiding your relationship from his friends, only to turn around love two other women, doesn’t sound like your version.

As you drive back up to the Burrow, Ginny in the passenger seat of your car, you can’t help but hurt over the thought that he should be there with you.

#ron weasley #ron weasley imagine #ron weasley x reader #harry potter #harry potter imagine #gryffindor #gryffindor imagines #weasley imagine

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taleofharrison · 3 years

Text

Traitor | Michael Clifford

Summary: Based on traitor by Olivia Rodrigo. Part 2 of this thing

Warnings: Angsty and not happy ending

Requested: Yes by this anon

Word Count: 977

A/N: So as I read and listened to the song (bc I only listen to good 4 u by olivia rodrigo and haven’t listened to sour) I thought that this song could work for a part 2 to this fic I wrote ages ago and promised a part 2 I never wrote so 2 in 1 and I think it’s really good so here you go.

MASTERLIST HERE

Your relationship with Michael was now not clear at all since you walked out on your birthday not really saying if you broke up with him or not, having your relationship on a limbo became comforting for both you and Michael though you hadn’t talked not really knowing what to say to each other.

Michael on one hand felt guilty and stupid to let you go over a phony fake thing that clearly was not worth he could see it now. You, however, felt hurt and betrayed beyond words since Michael was your best friend,he had been for years before he was your boyfriend.

Seeing Michael in the tabloids wasn’t helping you either. You saw him still in the stunt that caused this problem, you had hoped that walking out would feel like a wake-up and call it quits and realize how much he had hurt you. But of course it didn’t happen.

Your phone lit up with Luke’s name, while you had cut communication with Michael the other 3 guys in the band still visited and talked to you.

“Luke hi!” you said before he could say a word.

“It’s me actually” Michael’s voice filled your ears, oh how you had missed it “I figured you wouldn’t pick up the phone if it was me calling so I asked for Luke’s phone.”

“Makes sense,” you said. He tried to reach for you through texts you never responded though, didn’t even open them. You didn’t have the heart to block, forgetting him or even trying to was even more hurtful and you couldn’t understand why.

“Now that you know it’s me please don’t hang up” Michael pleaded “I really needed to hear your voice and to talk to you.”

“Michael” you sighed “our situation is not something that can be discussed over the phone.”

“I know I know” he sighed “just- can we see each other? Did you go back to your old apartment?”

“Yeah” you answered.

“Then I can go visit you” he offered “whenever you want I just really need to sort this out with you.”

“Fine. Tomorrow” you agreed “at 6 when I get off work.”

“Great. So uhm see you:”

You didn’t know if seeing Michael again would make your heart hurt less or more, you also weren’t sure if you’d be able to reconnect and fix what you had but you also knew that if you didn’t take this chance then maybe you wouldn’t be able to even close this chapter and you needed to move on.

Michael knocked on your door at 6 just like he said, anxiety and nervousness eating him. Was he doing the right thing? After all he had hurt you and your trust really bad and maybe doing this wasn’t the right choice.

“Michael” you said, opening the door “come in.”

“Thank you” he replied “you look pretty.”

“Thanks”

The situation was awkward, neither of you knowing how to start the conversation.

“I’m sorry for everything I did” Michael stated after a quite long moment of silence “you were there seeing me living a lie and I never-I never really stopped to ask you how you felt not once.”

“Yeah it was really hard” you told him “made me wonder sometimes if i was enough for you”.

“Of course you were,” Michael assured you, “you are, you are more than enough. I was stupid not fighting for you. For us”

You felt his words were truthful, he made you feel safe for the first time in weeks but it didn’t stop you from feeling cautious with him.

“Look I’m not sure we can go back to what we had” you told him “but at least we could try and go out and be public and…”

“Actually I-” Michael cut in “I haven’t gotten out of the stunt.”

“Then why are you here?” you scoffed, why were you even surprised.

“Because I had to see you” he answered “I miss you in my life I thought I could fix this.”

“If you really thought you could fix this, you would’ve fought harder for us” you told him “I know I’m not famous I don’t have a career in the ‘industry’, I’m only known as your best friend but we were-we had something real.”

“And we still could have something if you just wait a little longer.”

“Michael I can’t do this anymore” you cried “we are running in circles here and you only prove that you’ll never feel guilty about hurting me.”

“It’s not-look I” he sighed “I am hurting too.”

“I wish you could’ve thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.”

“What do you mean?” At this point Michael was in tears too.

“I stood behind the scenes with you for so long” you explained “I play dumb but I always kenw you would fall into a lie so deep you wouldn’t be able to pull out of it and I kept quiet because I thought I could keep you but I just can’t anymore.”

“Y/N, please don’t do this.”

“Go back to her. She’s your new trophy after all” you scoffed “you clearly don’t need me anymore. I guess you never did.”

“I just-”

“Please don’t do this anymore” you interrupted as you opened the door “please don’t hurt me anymore.”

Michael felt defeated, of course he wanted to fix things but you didn’t want to listen to him but how could you after all he had let you down countless of times, how could you when he wasn’t there when you needed him the most.

In the end he left like a traitor in your eyes and you didn’t know if you’d be able to see him again as what you once saw him but even though you were hurting you knew that you could finally move on.

#michael clifford fic #michael clifford fanfic #michael clifford blurb #michael clifford imagine #michael clifford blurbs #michael clifford imagines #5sos imagine #5sos imagines #5sos blurb #5sos blurbs

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rosyk · 3 years

Text

Deja vu

pairing: bang chan x reader, (a bit of han jisung x reader)

genre: heavy angst, passion, romance, one-sided love, bestfriends, long distance relationship

warnings: light curses, death, depression, mentions of alcohol and drugs, family problems, mentions of forced sexual activity, insecurities, anxiety, etc. (Its quite detailed in the first part and could trigger some people in these type and if you are one of them, I advice you not to read. It can really be uncomfortable on the first part)

word count: 11.5k

inspiration: Before We Knew It ch. 36-38 (webtoon), White Flowers- Olivia Rodrigo (unreleased song)

a/n: This is the least fic I loved but I had to continue it to start a new one and i won’t ever write things as long as this (it’s hard) lol. I don’t know who’ll ever read this long and cringey story but I hope it’s worth your time (?)

If I were to describe a man I’d love to marry someday, it would be someone tall, doesn’t openly show their true feelings towards me, and leads me in life. However, you were the exact opposite of it.

I didn’t even know when and why I fell in love with you. Was it at first sight? No. Was it because someone told me about my indistinguishable feelings for you? No. It was like how love was portrayed in novels and books. I just knew it. Instead of leading my life, you made me, myself, want to lead and search for my future. After you happily talked about your passion for music, you made me feel as if you were the right one. It made me think, “Maybe I do want to be with him until the end of life”. I believe something great would occur and I want to be there when that happens. When the music he produces, raps he created, genres he invented, and when his voice reaches the world, I want to be on his side and be proud I was able to witness all of that. You were everything in times I was the “nothing”.

I truly wished to be a singer right from the start. My dream was unaccepted by my family because the job isn’t as stable as it seems. I had to study medicine since then. Therefore seeing you was like seeing how I could’ve been. I stopped my passion but you made me pursue the unpursued, break off the imaginary limits I had created in my mind. I developed a fear of having to try again. I never sang after years and tried to let go of my past. But you? You lifted me away from the cage of darkness I trapped myself in. My anxiety was too deep to the point I was afraid of people, nightmares, thoughts, happiness, living, being alone, home, and simply just everything.

Even I was scared of myself.

Then I knew this is the worst a person could be. It isn’t when someone takes drugs, drinks alcohol, or flees away from home. It is when he or she no longer wants to take a step forward. I was frightened by the idea of love but also the idea of being alone. I was terrified to open up when the people closest to me never understood but was scared when I keep everything to myself too much up until I’m tired. I feared death the most, how much more if I was living? I remember cutting myself in bed when I overheard my parents fighting because of my presence. I was shaking, desperately trying to suppress my weeping. Was I sad because I didn’t have good childhood memories I could reminisce? Or was I happy for myself because that was the bravest thing I did? I was too young to understand what I truly felt but I didn’t regret a single thing.

I know the difference between wrong and right but why can’t I tell when it comes to situations that involve me? Is it wrong to think it would’ve been best if I was sleeping forever, in a depth of endless time even though I know I should live for a purpose I couldn’t find or for people who don’t care? But is it also right to live and hope miserably someone out there would find and help me even though it means staying and coping with the pain? Whenever I make a decision, I could hear trapped voices rambling in my head, time ticking as fast as my heartbeat, my soul pressuring me, and my mind that creates negative scenarios which cause me to step back before even having the chance to run. In general, I’ve had to overthink my overthinking.

I also have the habit of blaming myself. As deeper as it goes, it became my lifestyle then. I blamed myself for playing the victim as if I was the only one hurting amidst the world. I blamed myself for crying when I had no right because I gave people terrible occurrences. I blamed myself for the inability to be brave and commit what I feared the most. I also blamed myself for silently not crying loud enough to the point that my facade turned out stronger.

Looking back, I was a total mess in which I couldn’t even call myself human. My only best friends were the mirror and my own shadow. I was 10 so I appreciated how the mirror felt the same feelings as mine. It doesn’t laugh when I cry even though the creatures surrounding me do. But for the same reason, I hated it. It reflects my despair, how horrible I looked causing me to despise it the most. My shadow on the other hand makes me feel I’m not alone at the end of the day. But I also despised it the moment my mom locked me up in my room, isolating me in darkness to forget all the traumas I had given her. Because even the shadow disappears in my darkest hours. And just like friends, it all just ended. I no longer want to feel love if love was meant to hurt.

Years of living in hell passed by, until you came.

“You okay?”

I was crying at the staircase in the nearest tunnel found at school. I was a 16-year-old who tried to break away from my dad’s drunken behavior. Running away was another brave thing I did but it was because the thought of him doing me was scary enough.

It was embarrassing to let you see me like this but surprise was the first reaction I had. No one ever dared to approach me because of my low status and the suspicious silence that I give. Questions filled my head as to why you bothered talking to me. Were the rumors unbelievable enough?

“I am new here but I haven’t seen you a lot in school. Are you the same as I am?”

So he’s a transferee. Honestly speaking, I was discouraged. It’s clear that he would slowly stop approaching me as soon as he knew the rumors. You introduced yourself and asked for my name. I gave you a silent treatment causing you to face my direction. We stared at each other for minutes. You finally gave up and sat beside me as I turned my gaze back at the people playing in the park, sighing heavily.

“Would you like to hear my life?” You look at me, expecting something. I turned back at you, both eyebrows raised. You showed your smile, with those little cute dimples on each side to get away from the awkward atmosphere. Trust me when I tell you that was the brightest thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life. Maybe you did show me the colors I didn’t know I needed in my life.

“Oh… I guess you don’t then? I mean why would you be interested right?” You laughed yourself off but as usual, expected some remarks from me. My eyes panicked as I shook my head quickly from side to side. My eyebrows creased as I bit my lip, hoping you understood what I meant.

“So you do want to hear it?” I shook my head up and down as an approval of your question. Unnoticeably, it was the first time I felt eager especially when it comes to humans.

“Isn’t it annoying though?” I got the hint you wanted to tease me considering your giggles but I was too caught up in assumptions that you wouldn’t continue your storytelling. Thus, I did the same thing, turning my head from side to side, trying to convince you that I desperately want to know what happens in the lives of some.

“Cute” you mumbled to yourself but I was able to hear the word that came out from you. You patted my head casually as you started to talk about your life. I grew slightly embarrassed, curling myself, holding my knees, and acted as if I didn’t hear anything.

You were transparently open in talking to the point that I finally knew what “precious” actually meant. Although it was for a moment I knew it would stop soon, you definitely saved me from all I felt.

There I knew how our lives were exact opposites. If I felt everything, the happiness, and sadness, contrasting feelings I couldn’t comprehend, you on the other hand felt nothing. As soon as your dearest brother got into an accident, you didn’t know what to do. If I had abusive and malicious parents, you had no one to be with. I couldn’t even imagine what would happen If I lived your life.

I knew I was bad for thinking of such a way but I took advantage of your life. It made me feel relieved that there were people who faced the worst monsters than I have inside me. It made me look at the positive side of mines.

Much especially when I didn’t expect it would be you. My first impression of you was this carefree pure guy who had no problems in living his life. Little did I know, you were waking up feeling nothing, smiling with no joy, cries without letting out the pain, and laughs despite the numbness and burden that weighs in your heart. I guess we can’t judge people by the way they appear. We never know how much tears they’ve shed every night.

You summarized and wrapped things up. You asked for my name one last time before leaving. But there I was, hung my head low and sniffles could be heard. You looked in confusion as I tried to cover my face. A surprise was evident in your reaction and it was obvious due to your stuttering. You tried to ask what happened but instead hugged me unconsciously.

That was the first time I’ve ever felt warmth. I was born a mistake so even my parents couldn’t give me this kind of comfort. I cried worse as I had thought of it. The idea of a stranger giving me a better meaning of how home felt like than a family does, who wouldn’t tear up after that?

I don’t want to be ahead of time. But hope filled my mind. Maybe I could find more people like him. Maybe someone out there could notice my emotions. Maybe someone could act as my light. Maybe someone does care about my wellbeing. Out of a huge percentage of people living on Earth, there should be one who could at least meet and save me right? I know I settled in all “maybes” but it was much better than having none.

Recalling the series of events, I was a total problem. Yet you were always there for me no matter how heavy of a burden I am. You were the one who believed in me when I couldn’t, picked me up when I was drowning in a wave of traumas and worries, and lightened my deep void. You were my first and swore you’ll be my last, who broke my past and created my unknown beginning. I hated risks but whenever you are involved, I for sure know it is worth it no matter how many needles it may pain me. It had been years before noticing how much you mean to me I may be late, but would never get tired of this. I will listen and enjoy our memories until the end. You will, for eternal love, be my last song in my only playlist.

Although it’s true we never believed in love since the beginning. But all we do know is that we’d like to spend our whole lives together. It’s as if we were bound by the heavens to meet and help one another. With all that’s happening, I would like to assume that this is love people were talking about. Who knew it could be this powerful to change someone?

[CHAN’S POV]

And what happened to the “messy innocent girl who was stained by reality?” She became an unrecognizable teen, as pure as ever. In the past, I wasn’t able to feel the emotions most do but look at me now, smiling every time I see you do. Even though I’ve never felt heavy feelings, these light ones are taking a toll on me whenever you call my name.

We had arguments but never had any misunderstandings. This is all because no matter what I say, you are always by my side. I could tell you day by day how much you mean the world to me, my downfalls, and everything unnecessary but you’d still listen to it with no regrets.

Right now, we’re meeting up for a “little date” as you mentioned. I was going to decline because there had been many requirements in class but you seemed too interested that I didn’t want to break it to you.

I was wearing my usual hoodie sweater with baggy pants and ordered for both of us. After all, you would always choose chocolate whipped shakes over anything. You seemed to take too long so I decided to work on some demands given. I turned on my laptop and opened the application as I placed the headphones on my ear, silencing the noise in my surroundings.

Now all I can hear is my heartbeat pounding and swallowing as my throat started to dry. The loading symbol appeared on my screen and I hoped it would stay like that forever. I hoped it would crash and tried to find more excuses for me not to use it.

I was consistently looking at the time shown on the panel below the main screen. The blue circular sign still turns and turns as I see it from my peripheral vision. 3:31, 3:32, 3:33, the minutes kept moving and hands that are now shaking because I assumed this would be the worst nightmare that could happen. But no, cause “worst nightmare” is an understatement when we are referring to this. It would’ve been better as a nightmare because I could wake up from this traumatic moment. I was focused on my screen that I hadn’t noticed the calling in my front.

“Channie?... Chris?.... Christopher?... Mr.Bang Chan?.. Chan!”

[Y/N’S POV]

He finally noticed me as soon as I tapped on his shoulders. He flinched and looked at me in horror. It creeped me out but it took seconds before he could pull his eyes away from mine. He bit his lips and I noticed him covering his hands. The staff called out a number which I believe was from our table considering the way he closed his laptop.

“I’m getting that” You forced a little smile as you made way to the counter

I smiled at the thought of our “date” but seeing you sweating and nervously fidgeting your fingers to avoid them from shaking bothers me. Did something happen before you came? Why was he that nervous? Thoughts bombarded my mind, but you coming back with my favorite drink and snacks, looking all-smiley, tells me as if you noticed my discomfort so you tried cheering me up. You sat down in front of me and got rid of your problems. As usual, this guy notices even the littlest gestures I make.

“Did you wait too long?” I asked you with enthusiasm because our little date has now started. The idea non-stop makes my whole day

“No, I just arrived before you did.” You respond with a genuine smile despite the clear lie you just gave. You stroked my hair as you looked at me lovingly

“Oh, I just passed by that bakery we talked about a year ago…..” I started chatting about our fond memories that remain vivid in my head.

It took several hours of talking and enjoying our time together. We also watched that Philippine movie starring two exes who broke up and lived in one house, but being an emotional wreck, it took 30 mins of you trying to comfort me as I cry ugly. Of course, you didn’t miss an opportunity to laugh at me and even took a video. Teasing me and showing my picture as your wallpaper, made me playfully angry.

We also enjoyed visiting the same tunnel where we met. The nostalgia is present. The moon is shining and I can’t help but smile looking at you.

[CHANS POV]

You look beautiful under the moon if I must say. I wanted to show the magnificent view because it reminds me of you whenever I see it up above. You were my only light when my days in the past were too dark.

We continued strolling around, counting the streetlights that passed by and talked about a lot of things. Until you decided to speak up-

“About…. the thing that happened earlier?” You looked up to me, but your eyes soon started moving away from mines. You were held on with the anxiety of trying to speak up whenever it had come to my personal life. I don’t know whether it was the trauma you’ve stumbled upon when you asked about my father or it’s just due to your manners. Nonetheless, if it was indeed your trauma, I’ve felt guilty about it and wanted to reassure you I won’t hurt you ever again. “But if you don’t want to talk about it-“ I cut your sentence off.

“My father was a musician..” your eyes shined with glee in my response

“That’s cool!” You exclaimed but it soon faded into a frown after hearing me sigh. Tilting your head, you tried to calculate everything that’s wrong with it. I nervously fidgeted with my hands and knuckles, contemplating a decision that could change and even affect both of us.

“Everything’s wrong... He was into it, music took his mindset and life” I faced my head sideways and gulped without looking at your eye. The trauma, I’m finally telling my pent-up feelings after a lifetime keeping it to myself.

“He was so into composing music and started to forget about the reason he had started to do it. And by that-“ you cut off my sentence and started to nod a few times, pressing your lips together. You pointed your shaky finger at me and spoke softly.

“I think I know where this is going.” You looked at me in disbelief but all I could do is look at you with concern and guilt, asking for forgiveness. “Is this why you didn’t want to love again even after all these years?” Your eyes that shined stars a moment ago, turned into sun at night. It wasn’t raging darkness, but plain agony.

“Can you blame me? I know I love music, I’ve told you that on repeat for years. Is love what I need when that was the cause of everything?”

You didn’t take one glance at me and started walking faster. You were trying to leave me behind but I was quick to grab your hand.

“Please, let’s not act like this. It’s starting to get..” I was trying to think of a less harsh word because things get complicated day by day. And here I thought this date would be an exception. “Childish. Okay? I don’t get why you’re so out of place and it’s like-“

“So now I’m the one getting childish here?” You turned around and faced me, finally. Though it wasn’t any relieving as I expected. You were having tears stuck in your eyes, ready to fall at anytime yet you don’t want to cry in front of me. Are we going to keep this up? I was about to talk but no words came out of me. Until you decided to continue your sentence.

“You knew about this all the time, right? You knew how I was starting to fall for you and yet you continued our relationship without feeling love?” You bit your lips as your eyebrows creased. Trying to push me away, but all I could do was hold you tighter. “I know how trauma feels like. I’ve been there, we’ve been there. But you could’ve told me sooner at least so I’m not the only one looking like a whole fucking fool here, Christopher.” You tried to get away from my hold and yes, you did. Though as I tried to grab your hand once again, you took a step backward and placed your hands up in the air as a sign of surrender. “Call me sensitive but for God’s sake! How could you get me all wrapped up in your finger for the past years and call it something that isn’t attachment nor love? What was I to you then?” It took seconds for me to get the gist of what you’re trying to say and I did understand but I couldn’t answer that simple question.

Because now that I think of it, was I awful to hesitate who you were in my life? Was those years nothing for me then? I want to protect you until the end and I wanted to see you happy but I’m pretty sure I felt this for some of my friends as well. Did I just get into a relationship whilst thinking of my significant other as a friend? Is it called using someone? Taking advantage to make my life better? I know what’s right and what’s wrong. But I don’t know which is which. Getting into a relationship is a risky choice and I don’t want to hurt anybody in between. Because I know that’s what’s wrong. Using others for my need of affection and love is wrong as well. But is this exactly what I’m doing? I don’t know...As things grow, it just gets complicated to the point that I couldn’t even comprehend situations.

“I thought so” you continued, and those words crushed my heart. I didn’t notice the time we’ve been arguing, though technically it’s just you who was able to speak, that we’ve already reached your house. You opened the tiny gate in front of your house and I know what’s going to happen sooner later.

“Maybe, you need time to think about it alright? I don’t think I can keep up with a relationship like this if it’s too one-sided. But don’t worry I’ll wait. Even though what I want may not come,” you chuckled but the sigh was still evident. “I’ll wait for you.” You smiled, but it isn’t the one you’ve always shown me. I was the reason for your happiness but also the reason for your pain. How tragic must have been that sound.

You went your way to the door and closed it. I knew you were crying as I heard little sniffles but never looked my way. Closing the door, that was the last time I had ever seen you. With no goodbye kisses and hugs, you left feeling the ache you didn’t deserve.

[YOUR POV]

It was supposed to be “taking a break”, but considering this, I should’ve accepted it as a break-up. You never took time texting me after the whole 4 months. I guess I was no one in your life. But even though I was still hurt, I regretted spatting out things as if it was your fault. You always get guilty over things and I know it was all just because you had a hard time reciprocating your feelings because of the lack of love you’ve felt. I should’ve understood that part but being the sensitive me, I was unmindful. I’ve also never seen you walk past the corridors nowadays, so it’s basically been also the same 4 months of actually not seeing you as well. You really bothered trying to get out of my life.

I groaned as I sat up in the bed. It was around 8:30 and I’m like 1 hour and 30 mins late? Not that I’m bothered by it since I’ve gotten used to it. It’s not like our teacher is there by the time I arrive.

-SCHOOL-

“Outside, now” was the first and last thing I’ve heard as I entered my classroom. And here I thought the teacher wasn’t present. Not only did I embarrass myself in front of my classmates, but I’d also have to stand holding a chair, outside the classroom for lower and higher-ups students to see. Awful, and my reputation is broken. Well, not that I had any significant reputation in the first place but come on, you know how hard it was to see students bickering while looking at you.

I heard the door click open and I hoped it was the teacher who finally would let me in. It turned out to be another classmate of mines which I thought was unnecessary. But as I looked back up and noticed his eyes, a sense of familiarity came unto me.

“Han?” My eyes widened at the sight in front of me. I’m not expecting people to be perfect but our class president was the last person I expected to be scolded by our teacher. “Weren’t you inside the classroom way before me?”

“I cursed.” The guy spoke shortly and lifted the chair just like the same punishment I’ve been doing. I blinked my eyes twice but understood nothing.

“Pardon?” I replied in a high tone as if I was questioning what he was trying to say. Cursed? Is he out of his mind, trying to curse in front of the teacher? Besides, he had always been this quiet kid, but girls still tend to simp over. The latter though is out of my knowledge.

“What did you say?” I leaned in as you jolted quite a bit. Reacting to the sudden flinch, I assumed it was bold of me to do so and it scared you. But looking straight at you, pink tints were found on the side of the cheeks. It was light and definitely cute.

“F-fuck” he faced me with eyebrows creased and hesitated in replying. It was so short and awkward whenever he’d say it or maybe it’s also due to his stuttering. The thought was so out of the place and even I, who is quite free doesn’t curse in front of the teacher for no reason so why would someone who tries to stay low, would curse? But the way you told me the “forbidden” word made me laugh out loud.

“You’re funny, Mr. class president” I replied after a silent 2 minutes and laughed while hitting him lightly. Little amounts of liquids were falling down my deep brown eyes as I tried to regain my breathing. He’s awkward and that’s what makes it funny. I like him.

I wiped off my tears and stared at you. My laughs slowly died down after seeing your confusing expression. I don’t know whether your eyes held a safe haven or a place I was indulged in and forgot about the point that everything was complicated in between. Whether staring at you was comfortable or confusing. All I know is that I was distracted by the genuine smile you gave. It was little but I knew it was a smile after seeing cute dimples on the side of your lips. Now that I think of it, I haven’t ever seen the president smile.

You noticed my pause and coughed, trying to clear out the tension. The usual demeanor was back. Was everything just an illusion then?

“Anyways, I don’t know about you but I’m gonna have to go. Don’t want stay here standing when time’s already up” you lazily said as you pressed your lips together, leaving me speechless all alone. Raising your hand, you waved back at me while walking away and didn’t even take time to look back.

That was weird. Or was I the only one weird? True, I’ve never seen him around that much but I’ve painted the guy as someone responsible considering the works he finished even after given such a small time. He was indeed open-minded but wasn’t out-spoken or friendly. Work is work and he has to make sure he aces his tests for his reputation to not tarnish even one bit, that’s all that matters to him. He was never used to smiling so he doesn’t do it as much, at least that’s what I’ve heard. I’m guessing it must be my imagination.

/LUNCHTIME/

Guess what? It’s already lunchtime and I haven’t learned a single bit of information from my teacher’s discussion. Shrugging all my homework, projects, quizzes, oral recitations, and performances that are all due this afternoon, I walked out of the classroom.

But before I did so, I found a familiar guy in my peripheral vision. Trying to confirm whether it was him, I turned and called his name out.

“Mr. president?”

The same awkward and serious guy turned around, raising his right brow. You were confused at first about who would call you with no respect, but hummed in surprise as a response.

“It’s Han for you... and for everyone” trying to continue the work you’ve been doing for our school camp which is totally several months later. What’s the rush?

“Drop the formalities! Besides, I like Mr. president way better.” I smiled and tilted my head then flipped my hair. I was a whole smug for thinking my naming sense was the best thing about me.

“Like, like?”

The same vibe always comes up whenever I’m talking to you and I don’t know why. How is it so hard to interact with smart ones? I feel like their language is different and I couldn’t even comprehend what this guy is trying to say.

“like?”

“You like mr. president. That’s what you said”

And that’s how it struck me. Looking back on everything, it seems pretty weird. (I like Mr. President way better) rings all throughout my head. I know he’s been surrounded by girls who have a crush on him but surely he doesn’t think of this as a low-key confession, right?

Please, I didn’t deserve any of this awkward tension. I did walk up to him first but blame my curiosity for wondering what he’s doing in his free time, does he always go to the library whenever, or what do the lifestyle elites like him actually have? Maybe, I did just want a friend but who knew it would be this complicated. Wrong choice.

“The names you provide for people are so dull” you faked a yawn to show how uninterested you are.

I laughed out and tried to hide the embarrassment I’ve felt inside. He meant the name of course! What was I thinking? He quickly got up and proceeded to leave the classroom as if he understood what I wanted to do. He catches up with things fast if I must say. But the feeling didn’t subside in me and I tried to cover up my face with my hands as soon as he left. Heaving a deep sigh, I reassured myself and followed him.

-CAFETERIA-

“This is all they’ve got?”

It’s been a second we’ve entered the school cafeteria and yet this elite beside me was already complaining. We sat down on the white benches and I was also relieved the cafeteria doesn’t have many students since our class ended earlier than the desired time.

“You’ll get used to it. Besides, what do you commonly eat for lunch? This is good.” I replied and waited for a response that never came back. I’m thinking it was a wall I’m talking to. You ate the soup and showed a face of disgust. Of course, I don’t give up.

“Do you have different cafeterias?” “Or do you eat in your respective rooms?” “Do you actually eat? cause you looked really busy with the requirements.” “Being a class president is that hard huh? I don’t think I’ve seen anyone as hard-working as you even if they have high titles.” “You know if I was the class-“

“Why do you ask so many questions? Geez” you swept your hair and sighed. You felt tired talking to someone as chatty as me but all I could do is playfully pout and raise both my eyebrows up. Shrugging, I respond.

“Why not?”

You glared at me but I wasn’t taken aback by it so you decided to reply, finally. “The real question is, why?” you tried to peacefully eat and finished it quickly so you could go to the library, I suppose. It was going smoothly until my small brain with low grammar or structure skills decided to pop up the least moment I wanted it to.

“Because I’m interested in you.”

Choking was all I could hear after I simply stated. Panicking, I gave you my water unknowingly and you drank it. I patted your back and stroked it gently.

“You okay?” I tried to calm you down but your face seemed to ask me whether you were okay even after everything was obvious.

“You mean you’d like to know about my lifestyle?” You analyzed my reaction as I tilted my head. I mean isn’t that clear? Your eyes seemed like you got the hang of me again and scoffed, rolling your eyes. Wow! Now, what’s up with this attitude?

“It’s common. Just some random New York steak.” My eyes widened and my ears couldn’t believe what they’re hearing. That’s common? Gosh, even my monthly allowance couldn’t afford to buy a whole steak, what more if it was specifically in New York? And the way he didn’t bother to flex about his lunchtime food and acts as if it’s unimportant.

“Enough about me, how about you?” I believe you were trying to ask for the sake of the conversation but it excites me anyway. I mean, an elite asking me about my life? It boosts my pride, internally laughing as I thought of the idea.

“What do you want to know about me?” Grinning, I eagerly waited for the question. How blessed I am to have an upper-class student to not just interact, but ask about me as well.

“What happened between you and Bang Chan?”

I’m taking it all back. I don’t want to hear any questions. I was wrong. By Bang Chan, I knew straight away he was referring to Chris. The mentioned ex became an elite, or so I heard. I don’t know how, why, or when but that’s the only reason possible for him to know there was a thing between us. But unlike me, Mr. President wants to make sure of everything and not just the rumors he had heard.

“No.” I simply stated and continued to eat.

“Why not?”

“I should be the one asking you why”

“Because I’m interested in you”

I paused and was slightly surprised by the sudden declaration. Okay, my way of telling him made me look crazy. I looked up to him and saw a pair of teasing eyes. This is who mr. president is? Now it was my time to roll my eyes and I knew at that moment I had no escape.

“Exes. We’re exes.” I expected a startled expression from you but your lips curled downwards as if you expected it. How was it hard to read this guy’s mind though he immediately catches up on everything I’m feeling?

Days passed by and as usual, I was the one annoying you. At that very time, we became close because I knew you were a comfortable place for me to be in. You don’t judge unlike what others do each time I open up my problems especially when it comes to my relationship with an elite and Christopher, out of all. For sure, you were the right choice of friend I never knew I needed to rely on.

[YOUR JOURNAL]

Just a few days passed by and I hear lots of students whispering. What’s the occasion? I don’t even know myself yet I’ve brought a ring that matches mine. I’m naive but I always trust my instincts no matter what. As I try to recall the date and puts everything together in one piece from all the clues I’ve gotten.

A familiar man appeared in my sight. But he wasn’t mr. president. He was looking at me and I continued to look at those deep brown eyes I’ve longed to see after a long time. Was I prepared? No. Did I want to see him? I’m not sure so myself. But did I actually like that view? Indeed. My very first heartbreak or hiatus came back after months and to see he felt the same way I did. Did the moment I waited for all of my life would finally happen?

Each step you take, the more my anxiety rushes through me. I felt the shivers either because I was scared or it was the tears I’ve forced to stop from rolling down my cheeks. Or simply both, ignoring the fact that I was hurt yet I did want to see you after all. I wanted to walk away, but if I did then I’m making the same mistake twice. Therefore I stood still silent and only my heartbeat is the loudest out of all.

Closing my eyes, I expected strong grips around my wrist which marks it deep red because anger was the only thing present in the space between us. I didn’t take consideration of the things you’ve gone through but instead became selfish just because I’ve moved on from the past. I did tell you I would wait for you forever but all I gave you was the pressure of making you choose decisions at times you were having a hard time. Just because you made me learn the definition of love, doesn’t mean I could anticipate that you felt the same thing.

Quite on the contrary, I’ve felt warmth and comfort. The grip was truly strong, strong enough to hurt me emotionally and not physically unlike what I expected. The grip I’ve felt was hanging around me, a hug was given to me even when I didn’t deserve this.

“I’m sorry” that was what I’ve heard in the muffled and low volume of voice the man had spoken because he was on the verge of tears. I was supposed to be the one asking for an apology, yet this guy took it to heart once again. Typical Christopher.

“I missed you. I’ve realized I can’t do things without you. It’s been hard..” Your sentence cut the uncertainty I’ve felt. It came, he came. I cried my heart out after not breathing for a second. It would finally work out, after months of trying to ask for support from other people, you entered my life once again. And better? You loved me.

It was your graduation, and I’m glad to be there just like what we dreamed it to be. You may have left, but our romance never stopped.

Cliché right? Of course, that never happens in reality. What happens, is the point that we argue every day because of the long-distance relationship that serves as an obstacle in us. We don’t even know whose mistake it is but considering you, you’ve always been the one who let your pride down and ask for forgiveness. There are times it’s also been me because I realized that this guy doesn’t deserve more burdens in his life. Support is everything I could give.

“Everything working out?” I was astounded by the call Hanji decided to initiate first. He’s always been there for me when I had it rough. He cares for me though he doesn’t show it as much.

“I don’t know. I’ve rarely been receiving texts but he made sure to call me anytime soon. We’ve both been fighting against this. Thanks by the way” You sighed after I finished my sentence. I hoped my exhaustion wasn’t able to reach you but you knew straight away.

“What do you see in him? He is talented and ideal but do you think you both match up?“

It was good he called but hitting it directly at me and doubts our relationship? That’s what triggered and ticked me off. “I told you not to talk about this.” I firmly uttered.

“He doesn’t get the way you act, talk or even feel”

“I’m sorry? What do you mean by that?” It’s rare to see us quarrel because you didn’t want to reach that point and yet it’s you trying to get all complicated once again. Here I thought I got the hang of how you think. “He understands me more than anyone.”

“If he does then why didn’t he call by then?”

“He was busy. I repeated that to you more than thrice throughout the whole call. But if he wasn’t busy then he’d take a grasp of everything.”

“Was he? Because the last time I knew you had a rough day, crying all alone, he didn’t. The time I knew I had to cheer you up, he didn’t. The time I knew I needed to reassure you that no one’s ever going to leave you but stay by your side, even though you didn’t realize about it, he didn’t.”

3 seconds passed by before my voice was heard in the line.

“What does that have to do with all these?”

“I understand you but the guy you wanted to be with, doesn’t”

That was it, the final blow. Both were concerning, the whole sentence is. Starting from the conclusion you understood me up until the thought of me wanting a guy who doesn’t pick me up the way I assume couples needed. We had a relationship with Chris, but was it called a relationship with lots of things in between?

“I’m sorry. Slipped out. I was just irritated.” It was a first for you to apologize but my mind wandered to the part where you compared yourself to Christopher.

“What do you mean by you understanding me when he doesn’t?”

“I mean... If I did understand you, then I’m pretty sure a lot more boys out there would be a better match and would recognize your desire. They would be able to take care of you. You know I’m just.. worried.”

If it was the usual vibe, I would’ve laughed at that lame excuse. But thinking back, it’s hard for me to perceive the way you feel about me. I’ve heard rumors but ended up being nonchalant about it because mr. president having feelings? I chose to believe it wasn’t real especially when I’m already facing a hard time.

“good night.” You continued after the short silence. It was now you who was starting to get exhausted. You cut off the line quickly before I could even reply. Was the relationship between me and Chris wasn’t able to follow up fate? How innocent of me to think that true love comes so easily.

Days turned to months and I lost count of the weeks Chris has been gone by my side. He had never failed to text compared in the past, but I still yearned for his affection.

He seemed excited on the phone today and unknowingly called me 5 times and now a 6-

“Christopher, aren’t you busy?” I giggled as I heard him laugh. It made my day and filled up the void in me that was created because of the thought he isn’t able to be with me on my graduation day.

“I have duties... as your boyfriend” I playfully rolled my eyes without expecting a turn of events.

It was my final day in school and to think that I have to spend it alone because I had no friends, awful. Chris made my day though, so I wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. But the feeling of not seeing Hanji anymore still lingered in my mind. It was harsh but I had to accept it. We didn’t talk that much but undoubtedly, he was a good friend in times I need him.

Whilst looking around the stalls in the halls, I found him. He was talking to a guy seemingly the same age as ours and he looked so happy. But as his eyes met mines, was it just me, or did it die down? Maybe he doesn’t want to see me after all? His eyes traveled back to the sushi he ordered but sighed as I ran up to him.

“Mr. president?” The happy and annoying tone of calling him wasn’t present anymore. It was gloomy, hesitating if I should bother his hours or time. “Did I do something?” What happened to our closure? it flees away.

I saw you in the process of trying to smile a little and just hummed to let me know nothing’s wrong. But everything is. You ignored me and walked up to the classroom. I followed you, as I always do. I decided to speak up but you cut me off.

“I’m sorry if I did-“

“Are you still interested in me?”

You turned around and confronted my small figure. It hurts the way you try to smile in front of me but failed to do so. Usually, you always made me believe what you wanted me to. You’d say you’re fine, you’re happy, you’re not exhausted, but right now? I’m not buying it. I may not be able to read you that much, but you seemed too tired to the point that your magic of convincing me didn’t work.

“Interested..?”

“You said you were interested in how elite ones live. Now that you got the answer and your boyfriend is one, what am I there for?”

“You were there for me-“

“when he couldn’t be there”

You were being on and off, getting more complicated as time passes by. You don’t go straight to the point but instead, run circles until I have a hard time contemplating whether I’m the wrong one.

“What are you trying to imply?” I questioned

“I don’t need a quote that says don’t expect something in return”

“Return? After everything, we’ve been through? Our friendship? Was it all just nothing? How doesn’t that benefit you?”

“Because the more I give you your need, why do I have to receive pain instead?” Your voice was shaky and I can see you biting your lip, trying to suppress yourself from falling and breaking. “You wanted to know me because you were curious about my life. Now that you know of it, what do you want from me?”

“What do you mean what do I want? I want nothing from you. The bond that we’re tied in is enough for “

“Then who am I to you?”

“I told you, a friend.”

“My purpose in your life?”

“Lifting me up whenever I feel....down”

“So did you recognize how that sound like to you?”

Among both of us, I broke down first. Why am I being the one treated like the villain in this story taking advantage of people around me? Why am I the perceived the evil being in our friendship? Why does he want to make me feel guilty? I didn’t even know what the problem is yet, but I was already the bad one here. Call me clueless, but I couldn’t be blamed for something I don’t even know about. Quiet sobs filled in the silence and I could feel your sympathy filling the empty room.

“If ever..” in a low volume, you decided to speak “Why do you want to spend more time with me?” I looked up to you and wiped away all my tears if that’s possible.

A reason, that’s all I need to prove but no suggestions came up to my mind. Recollecting tragedies, was I the one who didn’t bother calling you when you didn’t do the same to me? Why didn’t I? You didn’t even pass my mind one single time in the past days. So why didn’t that happen? I appreciated him but when did things gradually just..stop?

Tears fell down yours as well but you didn’t want me to look at you in the eye. “You were supposed to say for more memories, you know? Like because I actually made you happy so you wanted me to appreciate our moments. Believe it or not, that’s what they say” you laughed to lift the air but I was still left dumbfounded after everything. How terrible of me, that thought echoes repeatedly.

Hours passed by and I wasn’t feeling it. The sun turned gloomy, the loud cheer of students turned to noise, the sky turned monochrome and the atmosphere turned dull. All I could do was ask Chris regarding it. All he could say is that he appreciated how Hanji backed off and didn’t want to complicate things more by telling me. Understanding none of it, what does he mean by didn’t want to complicate things more when our quarrel was? Wow, I really am this hopeless. Slow and unaware.

I was lost in thought that I late realized how I could hear vehicles in Chris as he was on call. Was he lying then? He mentioned he was staying in but why are there noises and people chattering? I was baffled hearing one of the familiar voices behind. One seemed to be the same as my classmate.

“Where are you? I thought you said you were in your home?”

“I am home.”

Clichè as it seemed, It all felt like a slow-motion in a fast-paced sequence of events. Firstly you were just talking to me but at the next second, you were personally doing it.

Holding your phone, I finally found the guy I’ve seen and lost on the same day in the past. But now? He’s here. Promising me that he won’t leave ever again. I knew I could trust these words no matter how repetitive they're going to be. Once you tell me it, I just know you’d be by my side no matter what until the end of the world.

You were looking the same as I remembered in the past and it’s played out like deja vu. You walking up to me and giving me a whole hug of comfort, as I cried in your arms.

“How about your-“

“I don��t want you to worry about it. I’ve chosen myself, with no additional pressure, to live with you.” You stroked my hair and patted my back.

“Live with me?”

“Don’t you want to?” I was delighted and surprised by the sudden decision. I wasn’t given enough time to think about it, not that I needed time anyway. I would always choose you over anything else.

It was the event and yes, I graduated with my boyfriend cheering me on and allowed me to soar high and fly, to start a new beginning.

[HAN POV]

It was good seeing you happy. Even if it was Bang Chan, I’m sure he is the only man that can make you smile like that.

But indeed, I was hurt. I was a book you wanted to read but as soon as you got ahold of the main idea, everything starts to get boring. Usually, you would never fail to not make me annoyed each day because as you always say, I cross your mind every time. When you were indulged in your relationship, I was forgotten.

It was all my mistake and you don’t have to feel guilty about it. I may not have any expectations of you loving me, but I had hopes and that’s what made me receive pain. If I hadn’t hoped you would be with me, hoping you forgot about him, hoped you could see I am just here waiting, hoped you could realize I can treat you better, then both of us wouldn’t get hurt. It’s my fault and I’m held accountable to live in regrets.

But even for a split second, I am happy that I am capable of distracting your worries and making your day better. I wasn’t thinking well in the argument a while ago but I did get the benefit. Seeing you happy, makes me happy. So letting you go is the best choice for both of us to receive joy. Scratch that, I don’t have the right to tell you I would let you go.

Because I never stood a chance did I?

[YOUR JOURNAL]

After graduating, I moved in with Christopher. He let me listen to some of the tracks he had created to stop me from bothering him all day.

The music he had composed was nothing personal and was based on people from different perspectives. I had never felt the same experience as well but something about the way he writes and produces brought me to tears. The pain and emptiness inside were well shown in the midst of harmonies. He was also a genius writer with well-structured sentences and livens up feelings in the words to make the listener feel as if he or she was the one narrating it. His father is a musician, but to think he would be able to express that much in songs just shows how deeply connected he is with music. He wasn’t motivated because he tries to stop himself from being like his father but it was a pity for him to stop something he is incredibly good at.

“You’re really something Christopher! Do you know that?” I hugged him from behind and heard his little laughs. “I think I’ve fallen for you all over again. But honestly, I knew you’d write and produce this good” I wore on a smug look as he asked while giggling because of the face I’m giving.

“How?”

“How about calling it an intuition from an expert music lover?” You playfully rolled your eyes in my response because you expected something more detailed. You urged me to explain it to you so you’d knew my opinion about the music and so I did.

“Your words are beautiful that it makes me believe anything you’ll say, Christopher” I smiled and kissed your cheek. I rested my head near your neck as we were sat on the bed, facing each other.

It was true. You made me feel different feelings and opened up a new perspective to move on from my past. You influenced me a variety of changing thoughts. I don’t like the idea of losing myself to someone because it forgets the real me. I don’t like the concept of being crazy in love with people because it doesn’t feel sweet somehow whenever the risk of it being one-sided and unable to move on is present. Not realizing that whenever the talk comes about you, it feels heavenly. I don’t know who I would be if I wasn’t yours but it all feels enchanting. Although you made me insecure, at the same time you made me laugh throughout the day. You were a gold rush. Perfect and gentle, to think that someone like me got you is like winning once in my entire life. Luck is rare but fate was there. By fate, it turned out you were destined to meet me and get me out of the hell hole, no one tried to do. By fate, it means I will love you and will forever do. By fate, we’ll stand strong and fight the cracks alongside our journey.

[CHRIS POV]

You wouldn’t take a no for an answer when I was asked to create more songs. A single shed of tear from listening to my music encouraged you to push more song requests unto me. Make-me-a-song was all I could remember hearing from you.

I remember you publishing one of my songs and I was accepted by it. You were jumping up and down as I was worried about its outcome. I was starting to get known, that was also the beginning of how the unforgivable musician started to forget about the important ones in his life. It was as if the result would be dragging my only light into my darkness. I don’t want to be a musician and yet, here I am composing more songs even if I knew what was coming soon.

I’ve started with light romance that I think you’ll enjoy but seeing you look so happy with just a simple work of mine, gave me that motivation I least wanted to have. And like a recorded cd, everything was played the exact same way in different men. I hated it but it was truly like father, like son.

I continued to write songs with deeper ones but as I got the recognition all the more, I produced as if I was possessed. I was indulged in the way words can be conveyed differently and ideas, stories, and theories were constantly overflowing my mind. I was wrapped up in music and I hated myself for it. Even though I despised the process, I couldn’t help but continuously write. All of my pent-up feelings in the past years were expressed in my songs, making me create heavy tracks and don’t run out of stories to tell. The man I’ve been hiding and was traumatized from came back and it’s as if he mocks me that we are on the same page after all. I felt myself sinking and sinking despite you telling me that I am not like my father because I made you feel the definition of love. I was trapped in a room with no escape that relates whenever I had started making music, I couldn’t get out of it. I wasn’t forced but this drive is what makes me continue because I feel like I’m creating a new genre that makes people deeply appreciate and maybe understand what I’ve been going through.

4 years came by but it felt like days in my studio.

“Chris, are you sure you’re fine? Get enough rest okay?” the young girl called me but I was busy finalizing the song.

“Yes, thank you,” I replied shortly after your question. I wasn’t paying much attention so I didn’t know the accurate response for it.

“Anyways, what’s that ab-“

“I’m working on music that’s going to be showcased and submitted to the famous JYP company later. It is really important so I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t distract me by asking so many questions. Come by later, we’ll talk about it then.” I looked at my watch on my right arm and noticed how I still got a few hours left before attending the ceremony. The albums will be released soon after but I have to submit another title track.

I was busy with all the scheduled dates and songs that I hadn’t realized

she wasn’t smiling anymore.

“Mr. Bang Chan?” hours came by and truly the CEO came. We have a friendly bond and he gives me advice so it’s casual for him to call on me. I hurried up to the door and went to the car.

“Why didn’t you invite her to the big event?” The CEO of the company asked me to start up a conversation. He crossed his hands and tapped his fingers as if he thought of something so deep and significant because he was getting impatient.

“It’s a big hassle. She isn’t good and comfortable in interacting with people she doesn’t know” I simply stated and smiled for respect.

“I don’t interfere or meddle in the personal affairs or lives of others but I hope you aren’t neglecting her because of this, are you?”

“She will understand” I looked up to the car window and stared at the illuminating lights from buildings. I know you took a lot of time waiting for me, but please don’t give up and let me finish this song about you. By then, our Disney-like dreams would finally come true and I swear I’ll make you even happier.

I held a box of ring in my pocket. I’ll make you happy, just hang a bit in there okay?

[YOUR POV]

The CEO told me about the new album he’s been working on. It was about his first love. It would be no other than me, right?

I went up to his room and read the paper scattered alongside his desk. There were lots but I decided to read the one that I assumed was already done. It was near the porch and I understood how he wanted to compose in front of the moon.

The moon shone brightly that night

but I realized that wasn’t my source of light

You look lovely

as the smiles you beamed lasted an eternity

I was persuaded and lost in thought

unknowingly, my heart was caught

Because even under the moon, you’ve shone the brightest

and cleared my problems at most

Even under where light lies,

I was indulged deep in your eyes

Even when it illuminates through the void,

a different view is what I’ve enjoyed

Because even if their minds were fixated on the scene,

looking at you felt more serene

I stopped reading the paper and placed it back on the desk.

“That can’t be me..” I thought.

Starting from the mentioned smiles, how could that be me? You stated you enjoyed looking at me, but I felt like I was invisible whenever you compose songs. Did you make songs while thinking of me? I don’t think so. You should’ve known that you were dragging me along with your darkest nights. I wasn’t even your light anymore, it died down. I was overshadowed by your passion or the one you’re talking about in this script. Can I still make you happy? No. Am I still happy? No. The whole lyrics proves how you didn’t even take a single glance at me right now. Because if you did care, you would've known I changed because you did. I changed because the person I was relying upon, didn’t find motivation in me. We started together but it lost while it progresses just like how you started music because of me but lost my figure in your sight along the way. It was reality, I was being forgotten. When I was alone crying, where were you? I know you don’t understand me quite well but I was the whole climate. I changed for seasons unlike in the past where it was mild swings. Because you know what hurts the most? Not the fact that I waited and kept waiting as I am already used to that and no matter how many years it may take, I’ll always wait for you. But it’s all because everything went back. You picked me up from the trauma and showed how love is but it’s as if my past resurfaced from the waters and told me how tragedies would always stay the same. That I would always end up this way no matter who I’m faced to. I felt guilty for slightly regretting that I praised your songs. Indeed you were meant to be connected with music and it’s your passion. I’m happy that I was able to show it to you but wouldn’t these happen if I didn’t start it all? I was wrong. I thought it made you happy but no. None of these made us happy. Your pieces of music weren’t to blame, I shouldn’t be blamed and neither were you. Where did everything go wrong? I don’t know, it just started to fall off. These lyrics were deeply engraved in my mind. You seemed so in love when I wasn’t able to show you what love is. If it was a person, she must’ve been so kind and understanding. She must’ve been someone who understood your secrets and feelings. And me? I couldn’t still get to you. I’m confused about what’s best for you or what you wanted all along. I don’t recognize the woman you’re writing about. Either it was the past me or someone new. Chris,

who is it that you’re in love with?

Cold air rushed through my skin as I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of calm air. It wasn’t possible but it was enough to make me feel calm. I still appreciated our moments but I feel like I can’t wait anymore, Chris. It’s not because I’m tired but because I feel like you’ll be better without me. I hate the idea of me regretting I showed you your passion. I’ll be nothing but a whole burden. You’ll meet someone better who recognizes your life and by then she’ll be a brave one who can communicate with you. You’ll find someone new, or you already did. If anything, happiness is all I need in the end, at least at the ends of the world. It did happen. I was happy because the next thing I’ll do will be the bravest thing I had ever done after all my cowardly decisions in life, and it’s all because of you.

I stood up at the top of the porch and imagined a vivid scenery. It was you kneeling down to someone new. She did accept it and you were celebrating. Tears ran down my cheeks but was I smiling? Yes, it was indeed happiness seeing you take a break from the pressure and realize you needed to receive joy. I wasn’t able to give it to you but to think someone else would, contrasted the happiness and pain. “It’s time to let go” I opened my eyes slowly as I thought and saw the moonlight. I snapped out of my thoughts and cleared out my head. Because no matter what happened in between us, you crossed my mind in a second. And that’s when I knew, I still loved you despite the bittersweet rain.

[CHRIS POV]

I heard sirens in front of the place that doesn’t feel like home anymore. Why? I heard how young and innocent the girl was and it was a pity to see her leave. It was a shock for me to the point that I hadn’t shed a single tear. Empty, hollow. It was all I could feel at the moment. Was she gone? Did she conclude to leave her out of my life?

Paper. That’s all I’ve seen on the desk. It’s prohibited to enter but I couldn’t believe what I’m seeing. The paper was crumpled and I believed you took the time to read this. Was my perspective wrong about you? Wasn’t this about you? I read the paper without further thinking and realized how I painted her as an angel. She is human, she was a human. Yet I’ve acted as if she was happy all the time, trying to save me from being a mess. Did I take a look back at her? No, instead I assumed too quickly. But what could that change? I was late and you’ve already given up. I was this close to preventing this but because I was so into writing a song made for you, I had forgotten the purpose to the point that it doesn’t seem like you anymore. Can I turn back time? If only I could. I needed to feel your warmth, I needed to see you one last time. I need you.

“Excuse me, do you know the victim?” A man from the authorities asked.

“Yes.”

Mixed emotions were vivid. I felt guilty but hoped you were happy in your last breath. The context of mines was complicated and I didn’t even notice it before. I abandoned to treat, as what I comprehend. Miscommunication rode the tides but it was undoubtedly true when I started to ignore people that surround me. I want to focus on you without realizing I left you. Is that even possible? It is now that I’ve seen it. Just like CDs, everything was played out in deja vu. People were different but things were just the same. It was how I became just like the person I despised all my life. But I did it for a reason, it’s not like I forgot about you. I just didn’t think how your feelings are right now but pursuing this song, is how I still remembered every bit of you. Would the ring I held on be given if I arrived earlier? No, I should’ve realized. I should’ve loved and made you feel how important you were to me in the days back then. In times you felt a hole in your chest, I should’ve been there to feel it up with love. I should’ve been there when you felt insecure. I should’ve been there when you felt all alone. But no matter how much I hurt myself, tear myself apart, it all ends with “I should’ve.” I’m sorry I couldn’t show you what I wanted to. I’m sorry I couldn’t love you until the very end.

I continued explaining to the man,

“She was my fiancée”

would you love me if I let go?

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