#im really enjoying working on treehouse these days

[papermatisse]

Let Me Try Again || K.SY

♗ pairing: kwon soonyoung x f!reader

♗ genre: angst, fluff

♗ word count: 30k

♗ warnings: heavy plot + elements (depression, anxiety, abandonment), pregnancy, foul language

♗ synopsis: Soonyoung had never wanted to live a restrained capitalistic life, forced to work a tiresome 9 to 5, paying taxes until the day he dies. Though in exchange to pursue the other option, that being devotion to a career, he had to pay an unfathomably large price—he had to abandon everything and everyone he's ever loved. can he fit himself back into his former life? one that's changed more than he can possibly imagine? could the ones he loved forgive him for his wrongdoings? could he get the second chance he wants so desperately?

♗ (a/n): im back w my bs uwu. one of my biggest fics, named after Frank Sinatra's "Let Me Try Again". pls give it a read and enjoy! 😭🙏❤️

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Soonyoung breathed a sigh of relief upon stepping off the plane. Though he was still trapped in the crowd of other passengers, scrambling to meet with their respective families and collect their baggage, he had never felt so free.

College was an experience, to say the least. He had his fair share of fun, partying and meeting new friends. Sometimes those parties went awry, with either cops showing up to dismantle the chaotic atmosphere or Soonyoung drinking more than he could handle. He also experienced those painful nights of cramming, staying up until the crack of dawn, eyes near bloodshot, faint lines of text imprinted in his vision for the next few minutes as he turned away from his textbooks.

Many times, he was sure he'd fail, ruin his life forever. The life he had worked tirelessly to prepare for. The life he traded everything for, leaving behind his family, his friends. The girl he had sworn he'd marry one day.

Yet here he was, Master's degree now printed on his resume in a single additional line. A new and accomplished man, ready to take on the world.

And it seemed his efforts were already coming to use as he left his university. He had already gotten a fairly reasonable job offer; a software engineer in the tech department of SVT Corporations. It was a major industry, a rare job offer he'll probably never see again in his lifetime. It had to be pure luck. That he was in the right place at the right time. A surreal experience, that he was able to land such a fantastic start to his career.

Though before accepting, he decided to return to his roots one last time. A final goodbye to his past. The foundation which supported him up to this point. His childhood home. 

Being away for so long was quite the challenge for Soonyoung. He had always been a family man, someone who always put his loved ones before himself. Though as he grew older, his priorities admittedly shifted. Yet there still remained that tug in his heart, swaying him back to his loved ones, reminding him that though he wished to give himself the stable life he had always craved, he could never truly sacrifice everything for himself.

So to have to pack up and move across the country for years was truly a harrowing feat, though one he nevertheless conquered.

It was difficult, a trial he never really prepared himself for because he never believed he'd have to endure it. That dull ache in his heart that first time he video called his mother. Watching her face appear on his screen, grainy from the lousy connection, though still there. Still his loving mother. She cried for him, proud he was doing this for himself. Happy that her son was going to have a future as an engineer. What more could a mother want but the joy of her children?

He remained where he was for all those years. Never once flying back home. Because he feared that the moment he stepped foot in his town, he'd stay. The memories of his past calling out to him. The treehouse his friends and him always frequented. The bowling alley Seokmin and him would spend hours in avoiding schoolwork. The park he confessed his love to his crush. 

Yet as he stepped off the terminal, breathing in the air of his hometown for the first time in six years, he felt his worries were for naught.

He had heard his family before he had seen them, sister all but colliding into him the moment she spotted him. Tears brimmed his eyes as he held her for the first time in years, surprised at how grown she had become. Afterwards came his mother who had already been crying long before she had seen him, and then his father who also looked equally misty eyed.

For the first time in a long while, Soonyoung felt somewhat complete. 

His first day back had been spent with his family. Catching up with them, sharing his stories from college, hearing some of the family drama he missed out on.

At the dinner table, as they continued to converse with one another, his father had asked what his plans were.

He told him that he had been given a job offer that he was supposed to answer by the end of the month.

The news definitely dampened the mood, as he basically admitted right then and there that they would only have Soonyoung for four weeks before he was to leave them once more. Nevertheless, they chose to cherish the little time they had with Soonyoung, refusing to dwell upon the inevitable and instead thrive in the happiness he granted them with his presence.

The next day, he was already calling his friends again, digging through his old contacts and hoping none of them had changed their numbers. Though more specifically, he hoped Seokmin hadn't changed his number. 

He pressed the contact, smiling fondly at the silly display before him. An old picture of the boy from when they went to the pool, the dual ensemble of a swimming cap paired with a tiny set of black goggles. It was dumb, yet ever nostalgic, and still brought joy to Soonyoung as he finally dialed the number, pressing his phone to his ear. 

Upon the first ring, Soonyoung felt himself gulp, nearly choking on the descent down his throat. His thoughts began hitting him all at once. 

What if Seokmin didn't want Soonyoung anymore? He did just leave with no other words after getting on that plane. What if Seokmin hated him?

Second ring.

Why didn't Soonyoung just talk to his friends? He knew he was busy, but he shouldn't have been too busy for his childhood friends? Why couldn't he just keep in contact at the least? A simple greeting every so often wouldn't have hurt him. 

Third ring. 

Soonyoung felt his face redden with anxiety, his heart rate picking up. Worries of whether he truly did lose his lifelong friend riddled his mind. His fingers clutched at his jeans, gulping again as his nerves burned within him. 

"Hello?" A voice chimed through his phone, the familiar voice of his best friend wading into his ear, easing Soonyoung's frantic worries as a grin stretched on his face.

"Hello," Soonyoung responded, biting his lip as silence filled the other line. Just from assumptions alone, Seokmin must've pulled his phone away, getting a gander at the contact that called him, because a distant gasp sounded out before the voice was once more right at the mic. 

"Soonyoung!" He hollered, nearly bursting his eardrum as he laughed at his friend's reaction. "Holy shit, dude, what's up! It's been literal ages! How've you been?" 

"I'm good, I'm good," Soonyoung answered, looking down at his lap. "I just graduated."

"Oh, I'm talking to an educated man, I see," Seokmin noted, bringing a chuckle to Soonyoung. "Well, Sir Academia, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?" 

"Well, I'm home." It was quiet for a moment, so quiet that Soonyoung believed his friend may have hung up, but then he chimed in moments later. 

"Wait, home home? Like, here home?" 

"I'm at my parents house right now–"

"Oh my God! Stay there! I'll be there in ten minutes, okay!" The man suddenly hung up, causing Soonyoung to break out into more laughs at his friend's manic behavior.

At least he hadn't lost him. It felt like a light weight was lifted from his shoulders. That his bond with Seokmin was strong enough to persevere through these years. He still regretted cutting off everyone, though was still incredibly relieved at such a development.

The moment Seokmin pulled up, he was practically dragging Soonyoung away, shoving him into his car after a dramatic hug, and driving off. 

"I'm taking you to everyone," Seokmin explained as they made their way through the town.

Soonyoung smiled at the sights they passed. Nothing had changed. As if he hadn't ever left. As if the town was frozen in time, waiting for his return to thaw back to the present. It was comforting, a constant in his life he could rely on. 

The first person they went to was Seungcheol, working at his mother's real estate agency. They had waited for him to look up from his desk, and when he met their eyes, his facade of professionalism evaporated, the suited man leaping to his feet and practically hopping over his desk to embrace Soonyoung. The others in the office looked to them with terror at the display, but that didn't stop Seungcheol from lifting his long lost friend in the air, hugging him nearly to death with a bright smile on his face. 

Their next stop was Jeonghan and Joshua's apartment, the two of them having off from their jobs for the day. Seokmin had knocked on their door, to which neither of them answered. Insisting that he knew they were in there, Seokmin continued to knock until a disgruntled Jeonghan finally whipped open the door, about to tell off the supposed loiterers at his door until he saw Soonyoung. The fanfare continued as Joshua came out, coming to investigate what all the ruckus was about, though inevitably joining alongside his roommate with welcoming Soonyoung back. 

This continued for the rest of the day practically, Seokmin dragging Soonyoung to every corner of the city, reuniting with his old friend group. Mingyu had regrettably grown even taller since they last spoke, Vernon's fashion sense had mellowed over the years, and Chan looked so grown, the sight of the young man almost bringing tears to Soonyoung's eyes.

"You really didn't have to do this for me, Seokmin. I was planning on just calling everyone eventually and planning meetups," Soonyoung explained as Seokmin drove them back from Chan's place. The sun was setting, the sky an orange pink hue as the day was nearing its end; a day well spent in Soonyoung's book. 

"No worries at all!" Seokmin assured, waving his hand in the air before returning it to the steering wheel. "It gives me time to hang out with my best friend who abandoned me all these years." Soonyoung rolled his eyes and sighed as Seokmin laughed. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I knew you were busy. You got your Master's pretty early, too."

"I did, I did." Soonyoung sighed. Rather than it being necessarily early, it was mainly right on time. Though it cost him so much to stay on this schedule. "It was difficult, especially being away from everyone." He paused, smiling as he thought back on the day. At the faces of his friends he hasn't seen in so long. He hadn't realized how much he missed them until he was there in front of them. Hearing them speak for the first time in years, seeing how they changed while he was away, seeing them become settled in their lives, finding that happiness everyone sought for. "I should've at least texted you."

"What'd I say?" Seokmin parked his car, turning his head to face Soonyoung. "No. Worries." He poked his finger into Soonyoung's side with each word. "We all understood, you were chasing your dreams. We wouldn't want anything different. And knowing you, you were bound to come back." Seokmin patted his friend on the shoulder.

"Thanks." Soonyoung smiled softly at the comforting words directed to him.

He had been so worried everyone would have been upset he just left them and never spoke again, but after today, he knew everyone missed him just as much as he missed them. 

Though through all the joy in him, past the relief he felt upon meeting his friends once more, one thought plagued his mind. 

"Hey," he began warily, attracting Seokmin's attention, "How's (y/n)?"

Seokmin grinned at the name, though not as ecstatic as his usual wide smile. More so one of familiarity, comfort, fondness.

"She's great, we just hung out last week. Her, Seungkwan, and I.'' Seokmin said, bringing a smile to Soonyoung's face. He was glad to hear that. That they all remained friends after he left. After he broke her heart, and left her behind. Before he could speak though, Seokmin continued, his words all but halting Soonyoung's every thought. "It's really hard to plan things with her since she has to adjust her schedule to fit both us and her kid, but she still makes the effort."

"Her... kid?" Soonyoung's voice was weak, barely even louder than the air conditioning hitting his face, but Seokmin heard nevertheless. He glanced at him in confusion before realization hit him, eyes widening and jaw dropping. 

"Oh, nobody told you!" He shouted in shock, glancing around the street they were on before swiftly recalculating his destination, making a U-turn all of a sudden. "Yeah, she has a daughter! Little Chaerim."

Soonyoung's face blanked, his chest tightening at the information relayed to him. 

She had a kid. So many things had changed during his time away, like Minghao taking up meditation, Jihoon becoming a famous producer, even Jeonghan adding more furniture to his pet rock's house. But (y/n) having a kid? 

For as long as he could remember, Soonyoung had the biggest crush on (y/n). Starting from their first meeting at the age of 11, his feelings only seemed to spiral deeper and deeper with every year until he had finally asked her out in the middle of highschool.

They were highschool sweethearts. The epitome of a perfect relationship. They never got into fights, unlike the other relationships around them which seemed to fizzle with the angst of teenage development. They were never jealous, having this undeniable trust in one another, enough to grant them comfort with one another from just the mere thought of the other, and no random addition of a person could tarnish that mentality. They were mature, treating their relationship as something which should be cherished and nurtured, never once treating the other disrespectfully or tarnishing the perfect bond they had. 

That is until after highschool, when Soonyoung was accepted into his college across the country. 

It all began crumbling after that. Doubt riddled his mind soon after.

Whether he could truly keep (y/n) happy from such a great distance. Could he manage a long distance relationship and his studies? Would he have to put one over the other? If he did, then his grades would tank, because he wouldn't have the heart to put his school before her in any scenario. Should he just abandon everything, throw away this idea of self fulfillment for love? Find a regular 9 to 5 to support him and (y/n)?  He'd stay with her, but at what cost? Soonyoung never wanted to work a job like that. To live a life where everyday, waking up felt like a task, and his only reprieve was the peace of sleep. It's why he was struggling with this debacle in the first place. 

Whether to put his happiness or her happiness first? 

Yet at the end of the day, he chose the former. He couldn't possibly give her the happy life she deserved if he himself was miserable. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he brought her any form of misery, like the lack of a devout husband. Someone she was forced to watch crumble with every passing day, nothing more than a shell of what he once was. His vibrancy extracted through the shackles of capitalism until he could no longer handle it. Until not only his will to be happy dissipated, but also his will to make her happy, gone like everything else. He couldn't condemn her to such a cruel inevitability. 

As much as it pained him to admit it, it would be much better for him to let her go, give her the chance to find the happiness she deserves, which clearly didn't belong to a monster like him.

And so he let her go.

He had been so distracted he hadn't even acknowledged Seokmin parking again in yet another unfamiliar apartment building. 

"We're here!" He announced, stepping out of the car excitedly. Soonyoung on the other hand stepped out warily, glancing around as if he'd see her waiting for him, glaring in disdain at the man who shattered her heart and left. 

All the while, Seokmin raved about Chaerim as they made their way to her apartment. He talked about how cute she is, how she's the sweetest thing he's ever seen, how Soonyoung would just love her. 

Yet her mere existence seemed to haunt Soonyoung, torment him the longer he knew of her existence. Because she stands as a testament of (y/n) moving on from him. 

Before he knew it, they stopped before a door.

It was just like any other along the narrow corridor, though it felt much more daunting to him, knowing who was behind it. 

"Watch this," Seokmin whispered excitedly, cracking his knuckles before placing both on the door. He began rapping a beat on the wood which went on for longer than any knock should . He then stepped back proudly, a smile on his face as he looked back at Soonyoung, patiently waiting for something to happen. They could hear muffled shouting through the door, growing louder and louder to the point that Soonyoung could now very clearly make out the voice to be saying "Uncle Seokmin!" on repeat.

Suddenly, the door swung open. Time seemed to stop as a tiny face peeked out, smiling brightly up at his friend who then crouched with outstretched arms. The girl had leapt into his arms, giggling as he lifted her up and hugged her. 

Soonyoung felt his breathing pick up, seeing the little girl buried in Seokmin's shirt. That little girl was the daughter of his true love. The one girl he had always adored. The girl he all but abandoned.

But she wasn't his daughter. 

And though that fact lingered over him  treacherously, reminding him of his past faults, reminding him that he could've had that had he chosen (y/n) at the end, he still attempted to push away his negative thoughts, offering the girl a smile as he waited for Seokmin to acknowledge him.

Once the enthusiasm subsided, Seokmin finally did turn to him again. 

"Chaerim, I'd like you to meet my friend, Soonyoung."

The girl looked up at him, peeking over from beneath Seokmin's chin at the strange man a few feet away from her. And as their eyes met, Soonyoung felt his heart all but collapse, watching two sharp, angular eyes peering at him curiously. Eyes which quirked upwards at their ends… Just like his. 

His expression dropped, the color of his skin draining as she revealed all of her face to him, and it felt as if Soonyoung were looking directly into a mirror. She stared at him so resolutely, his own panic seeming nonsensical from how calm she remained, merely resting against Seokmin as she continued to look at Soonyoung, observing as you would an animal exhibit. 

"Chaerim!" A voice hollered from inside the opened apartment. A person emerged from the hall within, making her way swiftly to the entry, exasperated as if this were a daily occurrence in her life. As the woman appeared at the door, Soonyoung realized who it was. 

Jihyo, (y/n)'s best friend. 

She looked to Seokmin and Chaerim for a moment, silently acknowledging that the situation is handled, before looking to Soonyoung, standing there starstruck with his mouth agape, glancing between Jihyo and Chaerim. 

Jihyo's face shifted from indifference at everything, to shock upon seeing Soonyoung, to then near terror, brows arched in surprise as she froze in place, much like Soonyoung at the moment. 

"Was it Seokmin?" Another voice resounded from the apartment. A soft, lull like voice which carried in the air, light and delicate with its tone as it hit Soonyoung, a familiarity which lit his nerves though also seemed to melt him into butter.

And then she appeared, rounding the same corner as Jihyo. Soonyoung felt his knees buckle, weak against her mere presence which seemed to dominate the entire room. She looked up, stopping mid step as she met Soonyoung's eyes, and regrettably to his disappointment, instant fear washed across her expression, a fact which seemed to stab at Soonyoung's heart. That he was no longer the one who brought her peace or comfort like he once did so long ago. That she looked to him as you would any unwelcomed stranger. 

"Is everyone okay?" Seokmin asked, the only person who wasn't in some stare down with another.

Yet before he could question it any further, Chaerim began squirming in his arms, crawling out of his embrace before bounding towards her mom. (y/n) hesitantly crouched, scooping the young girl up and into her arms, who then began whispering into her ear, legs kicking excitedly. With a shaky breath, (y/n) smiled to her guests.

"Seokmin!" She greeted first, voice wavering as she approached the door. "And Soonyoung! Please, why don't you all come in." Her hand landed on Jihyo's shoulder, snapping her out of her stupor before she backed away, allowing the boys to enter the home. 

Jihyo muttered a brief, "excuse us," before she was dragging the two girls down the hall. Soonyoung looked worriedly to their retreating forms.

The way (y/n) said his name.

She once said it with such adoration. Calling out to him from across the courtyard at school, referring to him in the middle of a conversation, whispering to him late in the night when they embraced one another. His name alone once felt so loved because she said it. Because she spoke love into it. With every syllable, with every roll of her tongue, as if speaking an entire ballad of her affections, though it was merely his name.

Now she spoke his name tentatively. As if it were poison on the tip of her tongue. As if she were stepping through a field of landmines. As if it was taboo to be spoken. 

He felt tears brimming at his eyes. Selfish tears, ones which shouldn't be shed because he condemned himself to this reality. He was the one who pushed her away. He was the one who left her home, ignoring the silent cries she left behind, ignoring the way his heart fought tooth and nail to turn back and return to her. He was the one who got onto that plane, drowning in his own sorrows as he flew further and further away from her. Away from his other half.

He once believed everyone was a whole, and that some people just made one larger whole once together, and would stay as their original wholes once separated. Yet here he was, a broken half of a man, whose other piece was left shattered and abandoned by him. 

And he still felt like that. He could feel his dormant heart stirring alive with pointless hope, beating against his rib cage as if wanting to break free and reunite with her. Yet like he always did, he ran away, walking over to her living room and sitting beside Seokmin.

"Cute, isn't she?" Seokmin nudged Soonyoung, a warm smile on his face as he referred to the young girl. "God, I just want to squish her cheeks all day. So round. Doesn't she remind you of a hamster?"

"No," Soonyoung answered faster than he had intended, shocking even himself with his thoughts. That he wasn't a hamster, so she couldn't possibly be a hamster either. He shook his head, attempting to clear away his assumptions as Seokmin chuckled. 

"You're probably right. That won't stop me from calling her my hamster though," Seokmin continued. Soonyoung leant forward onto his knees, steadying his breathing before the girls would eventually return. "You know, I'm her Godfather." 

Soonyoung looked over to him, brows furrowed in intrigue. 

"Yeah, (y/n) insisted," He continued. "I was one of the only people who knew about her pregnancy, so I was taking care of her with Jihyo for those few months." Soonyoung felt his eyes water. The thought that she was struggling so much while he was away at college. And he knew absolutely nothing. "I was even the one who drove her to the hospital when she went into labor, cause Jihyo was working at the time."

There was some relief in him at this. That she wasn't entirely alone. That though he left her behind, she still had others to care for her. He felt obligated to thank Seokmin for his efforts. For being there for her when he wasn't. For taking care of this child like she was his own. 

Chaerim.

Soonyoung was about to question him further, about to ask him more of his dear god daughter, until Jihyo appeared from the halls, hands clasped together with a nervous laugh resounding from her. 

"Okay, hello everybody, how are we feeling?" She asked, sitting on the loveseat beside them. "Sorry, we're all understandably shocked to see Soonyoung, you know?"

"No, we completely understand," Seokmin waved her off. "We should've told you guys on our way here, I just got excited." He nodded towards Soonyoung beside him. "He didn't know about Chaerim! Can you believe that?" 

"Insane," Jihyo responded, her voice monotonous as she stared blankly back at the two. 

Soon after, the final members of the party came out once more, Chaerim immediately making her way over to Seokmin again. He brought the girl to his lap, brushing back her black hair as (y/n) took a seat in front of them on her coffee table. 

"Hi," She greeted them all, though her eyes landed on none other than Soonyoung. 

"Hi," He responded, voice soft, afraid he would startle her and she'd run off. He wouldn't blame her though. He did the exact same thing. 

"Seokmin, let's go to the kitchen." Jihyo began walking off, Seokmin following after. Chaerim was peeking over his shoulder, still staring right at Soonyoung up until she disappeared into the kitchen. 

"How have you been?" (y/n) continued. He stared momentarily at the kitchen before turning back to her with a wry smile. 

"I'm okay," He answered. "I just graduated. Master's in software engineering." 

"That's amazing, congratulations!" She noted, a smile spreading on her face, though not reaching her eyes. "I'm happy to hear that. You must be so proud." 

Soonyoung winced at her words, because she seemed to unknowingly see right through him. She may not be fully aware, but he was filled with doubt. Yes, he achieved what he set out for. He got his Master's, he's got the job offer, he's got his life laid out before him, and all he had to do was live it out accordingly. Yet he was full of doubt. Doubt because he was still riddled with sorrow, wondering if things would've been better had he given up on this plan. If he could've accommodated, still involved (y/n) in his life, and just worked a little harder to keep her beside him through the long distance relationship. 

At the end of it all, that unhappiness he believed he'd have working a basic 9 to 5 equated to the unhappiness he felt living a life without (y/n). 

"Soonyoung?" She asked, startling him back to reality. 

"I'm sorry. I zoned out." She softly chuckled, nodding at his words with a soft affirmation. She looked down to her lap, fiddling with her fingers as silence encompassed the two. And as much as he didn't want to ask, as much as he knew it was inappropriate for the time being, he couldn't help it. He couldn't fight back the curiosity flooding his brain. "You have a daughter…"

She froze for a moment, hands wringing together before she looked up at him with a smile. 

"I do, yes." (y/n) pulled out her phone before handing it to him, showing her wallpaper which was Chaerim, beaming up at the camera, her eyes narrowed into slits. "Her name is Chaerim, as you may already know." His heart softened, seeing the bright little girl practically radiating like the sun. He understood why Seokmin seemed to love her so much. Because he was gradually already falling for her and he hasn't had one conversation with the girl. 

"She's beautiful," Soonyoung commented, handing the phone back to (y/n), smiling widely at his words. "What's she like?"

"Well…" (y/n) started, breaking off into a brief chuckle as she thought of the girl in question. "She's… something. Very hyperactive." (y/n) looked down at her phone, fondly gazing at the picture once more. "She's silly. There's never a dull day with her." She paused, looking for a second more before putting her phone away and sighing. "So mature. It feels like I'm talking to a little adult at times." Soonyoung smiled, seeing how much (y/n) loved her. 

"Can I meet her?" He asked softly, voice barely above a whisper. He was afraid, scared to meet this little girl. He didn't know what exactly he feared, but his thoughts were incessant.

It was either he was meeting the child of (y/n) and some guy who came and replaced him, or he was meeting the child of him and (y/n). 

And as (y/n) called out for the girl and she emerged from the kitchen with those familiar sharp eyes of hers, Soonyoung had an inkling he knew it was the latter scenario. 

"Chaerim, I'd like you to meet Soonyoung," (y/n) spoke, gesturing to the person as she said their name. "Soonyoung, this is Chaerim." 

He slid off the couch, crouching onto his knees before her with a smile on his face. 

"Hi Chaerim. It's nice to meet you." 

The little girl stood there, staring right at him, expression blank and unreadable. It almost intimidated him, the way she seemed to stare right into his soul as if it was child's play. She stepped closer to him, face to face, her gaze unwavering, as if she hadn't an ounce of fear for him. (y/n) and Soonyoung watched her with confusion, though allowed her to continue to inch closer and closer to Soonyoung until she pressed her tiny lips against his nose, pulling away after planting a soft kiss to him. 

"Chaerim, what are you doing?" (y/n) spoke in a panic, pulling her daughter against her. "You just met Soonyoung, we don't kiss strangers."

"We don't?" She asked. The first words she has spoken in his presence.

"No, we don't– How many strangers have you kissed?" (y/n) asked incredulously, eyes wide at the girl's question. Without answering, Chaerim approached Soonyoung again, his face reddened at her kiss. 

"Hello, my name is Chaerim," she greeted, voice louder than necessary, though still getting her point across. She held out her hand to him, and he hesitantly took it in his own. His lips twitched into a smile, thumb brushing over her smooth skin as he reciprocated her greeting. In some way, he knew. The moment he touched her, he knew she was his. 

Though before he could say anything else, Jihyo appeared. 

"(y/n), it's 8," she stated. Like that, (y/n)'s fond smile at the exchange dissipated, and she snapped out of her daydream at the time. 

"Chaerim, we need to give you a bath," she stated, about to stand up before Jihyo stepped in. 

"It's okay, Seokmin and I can prepare her for bed," she insisted, lifting the girl into her arms with a small huff. "You guys can keep talking." Jihyo briefly looked to Soonyoung, nodding at him in acknowledgement before turning around and disappearing down the hall, Seokmin trailing behind after waving to Soonyoung. 

Once they were alone, Soonyoung climbed back onto the couch, staring at (y/n) whose eyes darted everywhere but to him. She was nervous, which saddened Soonyoung. He remembered how she once relied on him for comfort during times like this, yet now he was the source of those worries. He just wanted to bring her to him, remind her of his undying love for her, the same love which hasn't waned since the moment he left her. Yet he understood. He understood she needed time. She needed space from him. She needed time to think after he just suddenly came back into her life. 

Though yet again, his impulsivity came through, far too curious to merely ignore the elephant in the room.

"(y/n)..." He started, tilting his head down to meet her gaze now staring at the floor between them. She continued to avoid him, eyes shifting away once he entered her peripheral vision. "(y/n), please." 

There was a desperation in his voice, this weakness in his tone that startled (y/n), loosened her resolve some as she finally peeked up at him. Her eyes were glassy, her lip quivering as she met his gaze, this pleading stare greeting her as they finally looked at one another. Truly looked at one another.

The sun was setting, casting this deep orange glow into the apartment. A myriad of colors danced across her face, the warmth of the sunset seeping into her skin. Ethereal, Soonyoung thought to himself. How beautiful his beloved (y/n) was. Perhaps it was the time spent apart, but Soonyoung swore she seemed to radiate even more now than she ever had before. As if with every passing of the sun, she seemed to blossom more and more, this breathtaking flower before him that he had left behind. 

"Talk to me. Please."

She blinked at his words, tears beginning to well up along her waterline. Though he could very clearly see that anguish in her eyes, she still attempted to play it off, breathing out a chuckle as she shrugged nonchalantly at his request. 

"What's there to say?" 

Dismissive. She looked away the moment she finished her sentence, eyes once more skirting around him, avoiding him. He winced, this surprisingly sharp pain stabbing at his heart. And yet it only encouraged him to pursue her more. 

"So much. (y/n), it's been years. Please, tell me anything. Tell me about your parents, your job, Jihyo." At this point, he had leant so close to her that their breaths were intermingling, warmth brushing against their faces from the proximity, yet to them, two long lost lovers who hadn't spoken in what felt like a lifetime, the space was anything but discomforting. A welcoming sensation that had the tips of his fingers itching to touch her, any part of her, anywhere she was willing to offer him. His eyes opened, glassy gaze once more seeking out her own as she took in a shaky breath, overwrought with the surge of emotions that came with Soonyoung's presence.

Tell me about Chaerim.

He wanted to ask so badly. The question was at the tip of his tongue, begging to be spoken. Yet upon the first break of tears cascading down her face, he knew he had already pushed her too far for now. 

Once her tears spilled, so did his, a never ending stream of moisture seeping out of his eyes, his sobs choked back upon hearing her muted sniffles. And to make matters worse, he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't gather her defeated body into his arms. He couldn't wipe her tears away or kiss at the trail they'd leave behind. He couldn't hum her favorite songs to banish her sadness away. Because unlike the other times, he wasn't hers and she wasn't his. At this point, they were no more estranged than two strangers.

His hands shook by his side, forcing himself back from holding her to him. He had no place to do so. He was nothing to her anymore. It took every fiber of his being to separate him from where he was, leaning back onto the couch with a rough sigh, jaw clenched as he attempted to will away his tears. (y/n) similarly followed suit, her hand pressed against her mouth as if to quell the cries that wanted to break free. And they remained that way for what felt like an eternity, silencing their anguish on their own. The solitude felt like a stone pressing down on him, an aching reminder of what their relationship had eventually boiled down to. 

They were childhood sweethearts. Ever since he could remember, he'd held a sweet spot for the girl next door. His friends had teased him relentlessly, the adults in his life equally tormenting him with the premise of one day marrying (y/n). So it was no shocker when he had confessed to her one fateful evening in the park by their neighborhood. What did come as a shock was when she had almost immediately reciprocated his feelings, dragging him into a bone crushing hug as she giggled away into his chest.

Seungkwan hadn't believed him the next day, giving him a once over with a raised eyebrow. His hair was frizzy with damage from repetitive bleaching, his clothes hung loosely on his lanky body, and his smile was obscured by an array of multicolored bands on his braces. Yet it only further proved her genuine affections for the boy.

They say love is blind, but it seemed like she had revealed to him a whole new plethora of shades never before seen by the human eye. The sky was bluer when he was with her, grass greener as they laid together in the field, the orange of his tiger plushies felt more vibrant whenever she cuddled one of them. 

And even now, it still held true, his atmosphere intensifying in her presence just from her sitting there in front of him. She brought him such anguish, unearthing memories he had once tried so adamantly to bury away, yet she also brought this unfathomable peace in his heart, soothing the storm that had plagued his soul for the past six years in college. The thought was what finally calmed his tears, leaving dried streaks across his face. She had yet to stop her own. 

"(y/n)." She finally spared him a wary glance, that same storm which racked his being now whirling in her irises.

In a much softer tone, he called out her name again, desperation laced in his voice, and perhaps even in his gaze, because just from looking at him, (y/n)'s resolve seemed to dissipate into thin air. With a quivering lip and another bout of tears welling up in her eyes, she found herself shifting over to the couch, collapsing into Soonyoung's arms with a loud, agonizing sob.

Her body quaked in his arms as he finally held her again, his face burying into her hair and breathing in her scent. Her arms had wrapped around his torso, fingers clenched desperately into his shirt, tugging him impossibly closer to her. He could feel the warmth of her tears seeping into the material of his top, attempting to coax more tears out of him, yet he remained as is, striving to keep his strength for the both of them in this moment. 

"You left me," she cried into his shoulder, voice wrought with unwavering sorrow. "You broke my heart." That familiar lump began forming at the base of Soonyoung's throat, yet he swallowed away the threat of tears once more, simply opting to drag her closer into his frame.

He shut his eyes, his breaths heavy and ragged as he took in her despondency, feeling firsthand how his capricious actions had not only destroyed himself, but also the love of his life. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered, voice broken as he spoke through his own misery. "I'm so sorry, (y/n). I could apologize for an eternity and then some, and it would never amount to the regret I feel." His hand rubbed up and down her back, attempting to repress at least some of her sadness at the moment. "I thought… I thought this would be better for you. You didn't deserve to suffer in a long distance relationship. I thought it would be better to let you go so you can actually experience the fulfilling relationship you deserve."

"That's so fucking stupid," she sobbed out, each syllable sounding forced out through the exhaustion already setting in from her crying session. 

"I know."

"You broke my heart, you asshole."

"I know." She had mumbled out a few more indiscernible words that had intertwined with her next bout of cries, until eventually it had dissolved into nothing. The tight grip she had on Soonyoung had loosened, her face once buried in his chest now lolled loosely against his shoulder, and the quivering of her body now replaced by the gentle rise and fall of her steady breathing. And with her now silently sleeping away, he took the opportunity by himself to let out his own tears once more, littering the top of her head with soft kisses as he wallowed in his own pitiful state. Embracing the girl he had abandoned and broken, begging for forgiveness as if he deserved anything from her. His apologies fell upon deaf ears as she slept, yet it hadn't deterred him from continuously whispering his pleas to her. 

The only thing that seemed to stop his mantra was Seokmin squeezing his shoulder. 

"Hey Soon," he called out quietly, snapping him out of his daze as he looked up at his friend. "Let's head home. You guys had enough for the day. There's always tomorrow."

Soonyoung nodded, rising to his feet with (y/n) in his arms as Seokmin guided him to her bedroom. Soonyoung spared her one last glance as he laid her there, brushing back her hair and stroking her cheek, taking in her peaceful expression once more before departing. Seokmin was at the entrance with Jihyo already, the two talking to one another in a low voice, as if the tension of before still resided even with (y/n) fast asleep. 

Upon Soonyoung's arrival, their conversation faded into nothing, Seokmin offering the man a gentle smile upon taking in his beaten form. 

"Hey buddy, how are we feeling?" Soonyoung's silence was answer enough, staring at his friend blankly with red eyes and a puffy face. "Ah, that's good, that's good. Like I said, there's always tomorrow. Let's get you home now, yeah?" Seokmin bid Jihyo goodbye with one last nod before heading out the door.

Before Soonyoung could fully walk out the door, his body halted in its spot, standing at the threshold of the apartment with Jihyo staring up at him confusedly. 

"Chaerim," he spoke, voice gravelly from his earlier happenings. "Is she mine?" 

He didn't know what brought this upon him. In any other instance, he'd be horrified at the sudden audacity he obtained to have asked such an illicit question. Yet right now, he was numb. His body ached. His heart felt drained beyond reparation. He felt like nothing. So what was there to lose with such a risky move?

Jihyo was silent for another moment, until she shook her head out of the corner of his eye. 

"No," she stated, voice weak as she looked at the defeated man before her. "No, she's not. I'm sorry."

Soonyoung shut his eyes, nodding at her words before fully walking out, meeting up with Seokmin at the elevator. 

It was an answer he had anticipated, one that was honestly expected, yet somewhere deep in his heart, he had truly thought she was his daughter. That she was the product of his and (y/n)'s love. That he possibly still had a chance with (y/n), as long as that fragment of their relationship still existed in this world. Yet it was all hopeful wishing. 

Even long after Seokmin dropped Soonyoung off at his parent's house, bidding the man goodbye and promising to return tomorrow, the events of the day still weighed heavily upon him. And even after shutting his eyes and going to sleep, the memories of (y/n) tormented him throughout the night. Illusions of what could have been had he chosen her at the end. The happy life he could have had with (y/n) in his arms. Chaerim could have been his. He could have had a daughter as beautiful as her. Yet he had given it all up for a piece of paper.

The last person he had seen that night was Seokmin, and he had also wound up being the first person he saw when he woke up the next morning.

"Soonyoung," he called out, shaking the man's shoulders until he stirred from his slumber. "Time to wake up." 

The aforementioned man did not look his best, to say the least. Eyes completely bloodshot, face puffy beyond recognition, and his usual sanguine demeanor was depleted until he sat there as nothing more than a breathing human. The living embodiment of the contrast between living and surviving. 

Though Seokmin didn't seem too perturbed by his friend's ragged appearance, merely cooing as he patted down the disheveled mane on Soonyoung's head. 

"You ready to get back into the ring today?" His voice was chipper, comparable to that of a kindergarten teacher to their students, yet it had little to no effect on Soonyoung who grumbled in response to his patronizingly toned question. 

Seokmin stood there as Soonyoung dragged his feet about the room, tugging on whatever clothes he could find, brushing his teeth as he combed his hair, attempting to stay awake through Seokmin's droning dialogue in the background. 

"I got everyone's schedule for today. Mingyu and Vernon have the day off. Chan gets off later on today, so he could join us whenever. Seungkwan and Junhui said they couldn't come today because they're working, but Joshua literally has the closing shift and said he'd come around at midnight, so I think they're just not committed enough, you know?

"Jeonghan and Minghao have not responded to me yet, but Jeonghan literally posted on Instagram yesterday, so I know he's ignoring me. Seungcheol and Wonwoo said no for today, but they are available later on this week. Did I forget anybody? I feel like I'm forgetting someone?" 

(y/n). 

He wanted to ask how she was. If she had fared well after last night. How she felt this morning, waking up after such an eventful night. How Chaerim was doing. What the girls were up to this morning. What they'd be doing later on. If (y/n) still wore blue every Wednesday and acted like it wasn't an actual routine of hers because she didn't think anyone would notice. If he could see her again today. 

"Jihoon!" Seokmin snapped his fingers upon realizing, laughing to himself soon after. "Jihoon is busy right now, but he'll join us later."

Their conversation continued once they were in Seokmin's car and driving off.

"So we're going to pick up Mingyu and Vernon and head out for breakfast. At around 12, Jihoon said he'd come join us, so maybe we can take a walk around downtown for old time's sake. At 2, I have to pick up Chaerim and drop her off at Jihyo's, but Chan should–"

"Chaerim?" Soonyoung's eyebrows had risen at the mention of the girl's name, turning to face Seokmin with sudden fascination at the schedule. "You pick up Chaerim from school?"

"Well, from daycare, yeah," Seokmin responded, eyes still trained on the street, but still with that soft grin plastered to his face, the casual air he has when talking about the girl stirring this envious feeling within Soonyoung. "Jihyo gets out of work at 2, but the daycare is pretty out of place on her route home, so I pick up Chaerim and hand her to Jihyo. And then at 5, (y/n) gets out of work and she retrieves the child from Jihyo and they head home." 

Soonyoung sat there enraptured at Seokmin's words, nodding and absorbing everything said as if he himself would need the knowledge in the coming future. Seokmin kept talking afterwards, continuing where he left off regarding Chan's and Josh's arrival before they had finally reached their destination. 

This 24/7 breakfast joint they'd frequent as they grew up, Attacca. They'd eat waffles there as a child with their families, eat waffles after school while procrastinating on doing their homework, eat waffles on snow days when they had nothing better to do, eat waffles at 2 am after late night parties at each other's houses. And even now as the four of them sat together to catch up, they ate those exact same waffles. 

"You still have the high score on Galaga?" Soonyoung gaped as Vernon nodded cockily, leaning back against the chipped leather of the booth they sat at, arms raised triumphantly while he basked in the glory of his achievements. 

"The undefeated champion still reigns to this day." Vernon began waving to his imaginary fans, blowing kisses and posing for photos as Mingyu grimaced at the overplayed fantasy happening before him. 

"He goes to that same rundown laundromat every month to make sure he hasn't been bested, as if kids are even still going there." Soonyoung chuckled at Mingyu's words, which had supposedly gone over Vernon's head as he continued to fantasize about the glories of victory, muttering to himself about how he would love to accept Oprah's invitation to her show. "Though on the less pathetic side of things, my restaurant is doing very well."

"I can't believe you actually own a restaurant." Soonyoung took a sip from his chocolate milk, humming in amusement at the thought of Chef Mingyu. "That's insane. Congrats, man." 

"Thank you very much."

"Yeah, Mingyu said he'd serve us for free next time we go," Seokmin quickly added, earning a kick under the table from Mingyu himself. 

"Wait, is Mingyu finally feeding us for free?" Vernon asked, mouth agape as he finally snapped out of whatever trance he had propelled himself into minutes earlier. 

"No, Mingyu is not feeding you freeloaders." Mingyu elbowed Vernon as he spoke, glaring at the group before him with disgust. "You get discounts at most, but I'd go bankrupt if you all came to my restaurant for free." 

"You hear that, boys, dinner at Mingyu's tonight." Seokmin tossed his hand forward, immediately receiving a high five from Vernon on command as the two continued to goad Mingyu. With a roll of his eyes, he redirected his attention to Soonyoung, offering the man an excited smile. 

"So, Soonyoung, what's up with you? Six years on your own, new degree, job offer. You've got so much going on for you!"

"Thanks." Soonyoung smiled, stirring his straw in his drink absentmindedly as his eyes lowered to the table's surface. "I'll be off again in a few weeks presumably. For that job offer."

"I don't know if this is dumb of me to ask, but what does an engineer do?" Vernon questioned, shoveling another load of waffle into his mouth.

Soonyoung pouted as he thought about the question, because to be fair, he doesn't even know what his job will entail. Six years in college. He's learned his way around a computer. He knows how to fix things now. That's pretty much all he can say, because to be honest, he doesn't know what awaits him in the future. He doesn't know what finally entering the field of his career entails for him. He doesn't know if it'll be what he had anticipated out of such an intensive career. If it'll prove the regrets that stir within him wrong, prove that it was worth leaving everything behind to pursue. 

Suddenly, Chaerim and (y/n) came to mind. A little glimpse of them together popped into his head, (y/n) chiding her daughter who had just planted a kiss onto his nose. With those two girls remaining in his mind, he was beginning to seriously doubt that last presumption of his.

Because no amount of money in the world could possibly top the exhilarating feeling that settled at the base of his heart when he was with them both yesterday. 

"I don't know," Soonyoung announced, rather proudly regarding the circumstances, causing the lot to burst into laughter at his own confusion. 

"Well, hopefully it comes easy to you," Mingyu spoke, bringing his coffee mug up to his lips for a sip. "Who would have thought the tech challenged Soonyoung would become a software engineer of all things."

"I wasn't that bad."

"You typed like a grandma after her fifth shot of tequila," Vernon interjected with a shake of his head. "We all know (y/n) was the one who had prepared all of your presentations for you." 

Soonyoung nervously chuckled at the mention of her name. His technical ex girlfriend, as painful as it sounded. And as true as that was, so was Vernon's statement. 

They'd be lying on his bed, her laptop in between them as she helped organize his notes and points on one PowerPoint. She'd type away, showing him different things the program offered, putting in her own input on designing, and he'd merely sit there and listen, head tucked away in the nook of her neck as he dozed off to her gentle voice. He'd fall asleep while she worked, and she'd wake him up by littering kisses all over his face. He'd rehearse his presentation for her alongside the PowerPoint, just to show how her work would not be going to waste. She'd applaud him, congratulating him even though he had done the bare minimum, but it felt good nevertheless. To be doted upon by the girl he loves the most, falling asleep in her arms the night before his project, that good luck kiss before he'd enter class that he swore was the key to his passing grades. 

Soonyoung would wait for (y/n) after class to tell her how it went, and the smile she'd bless him with was like the cherry on top of it all. This big, gorgeous smile that was so bright and happy for him and him alone. 

As if punishment upon him, for even daring to derive even a shred of happiness from a past memory, the blissful image of (y/n)'s smile had been torn away from him, instead replaced by one of their last moments together. 

It was in his room as he was packing away his clothes for college. (y/n) sat on his bed, folding whatever she could and neatly organizing it into his luggage whilst filling the quietude with her thoughts. 

Though Soonyoung couldn't really recall much of what she was saying that day. He was too into his own head. He was too distracted by his own thoughts plaguing his psyche. Thoughts that he had initially written off as intrusive ones that would soon fade away, though they remained recurrent, sprouting forth practically every moment he spent with (y/n) until every waking second of his life revolved around those thoughts and those thoughts alone. 

(y/n) managed to snap him back into reality as she began directing her voice towards him. 

"You'll have to text me when you get situated over there!" She gushed, far more excited for him than he was for himself. "I mean, you'll text me when you get there of course, but you have to text me when everything's settled and you have some spare time. I can fly over and meet you." She slipped off his bed, shuffling over to him and wrapping him in a hug. Soonyoung naturally reciprocated it, arms embracing her against him, relishing in the warmth and comfort that came with holding her. That keen familiarity that he'd never grow weary of no matter the distance or the time which passed. But even so, even with her presence serving as an anchor for him, his mind was elsewhere, drifting far from reason and compiling what he could only describe as utter nonsense now. 

"(y/n)," he muttered aloud, somehow hoping she wouldn't hear him even though he spoke right by her ear. She hummed, cursing him into finishing what he had started. "How do you feel about all of this?" 

"About what? College?" He hesitantly pulled away from her, arms loosely holding her as he took in her appearance once more, as if needing the momentary motivation to continue with whatever he was doing. 

"About me going to college. About me leaving everything behind." His eyes flickered about her face, tension settling in his eyebrows as his emotions were already beginning to seep through his facade. "About me leaving you behind."

"That's a weird way of putting it," she laughed dismissively at his words, though still hummed in thought. "I feel… conflicted." His arms strained for a second, briefly gripping onto (y/n) as she paused for consideration. "Of course I'd love to have you with me or me with you, but we can't. At least not right now." She tilted her head with a pout forming on her lips before she smiled resolutely. "Life has other things planned for us right now. You're off to do great things, to study and get a career like you always wanted, and I'll be here, finding some sort of stability like I've always wanted.

"But that's okay," she tugged him along with her to the bed, seating him on the edge and cozying herself against him, head resting on his shoulder with her arms draped over him. "Because we'll always be here supporting one another. I'll be right here when you're ready to come back." 

He hadn't even realized he was crying until he felt a tear brush past his lip, her words being the nail in the coffin for those incessant anxieties that had tormented him for weeks now. 

"(y/n), I think we should break up." 

The words felt like poison in his mouth, churning his stomach until it was wrought with absolute disgust. There was a conflict in his body, one that had him beating himself for having even uttered said cursed words, but it was too late. He had spoken his thoughts. 

(y/n) had stiffened in his arms, silent as Soonyoung battled with himself, but then she slowly pulled away from him. Her eyes were blank at first, face stoic whilst analyzing his expression for any sign of humor or any indication that what he said was merely a cruel joke. But it wasn't. 

"Soonyoung, what are you trying to do? Talk to me before making such a large decision like that on your own." Even at such a young age, she was so mature. It was something he had always admired about her. How level headed she was, how calm and patient she became whenever he was off his hinges. She continued to show that maturity of hers, concealing whatever emotions she may be feeling and instead waiting for Soonyoung to calm down enough to talk. 

"I…" He had begun, eyes straying to his lap when he felt his words get caught in his throat, his body quaking with an incoming sob, though quickly collecting himself, clearing his throat of any obstruction and continuing. "You have been the light of my life for as long as I can remember. I've loved you for longer than I could even talk. You are the love of my life, and that's very clear to see." He paused, gathering his thoughts once more. (y/n) remained where she sat, hands having slid down to his biceps where they tentatively rested. "And all I've ever wanted was your happiness… But I think I will become that obstacle for you. I will be the thing preventing you from being happy."

"Why would you ever say that about yourself, Soonyoung?" She cupped his face, bringing his gaze back to her intimidatingly serious one. "You can't be in the way of my happiness if you are my happiness."

"(y/n), we've never been away from each other for even a day." Soonyoung all but wept, eyes blurring with tears as he laughed incredulously at his own statement. School field trips, family road trips, even girl scout camping included them both, Soonyoung somehow getting away with disguising as his sister when they were all children. "I don't think we'll be able to make it long distance."

"Who says we can't?"

"I do." His voice was broken, as was the rest of him, barely able to hold himself where he sat. (y/n) was quiet for a moment, in complete shock of what was happening in front of her. 

"Why are you so confident we can't do long distance? Sure, we've never been apart, but who's to say we can't survive away from each other? Soonyoung…" Yet again, (y/n) found herself redirecting his attention back to her, making sure he could see the absolute resolve in her eyes. "I love you. And I know you love me just as much. Isn't that enough reassurance?" 

Soonyoung could see how serious she was. He could see how much she was holding back, wanting to also burst into tears alongside him at such a scary moment in their lives, but even so, he had his mind settled. 

"No, it's not." She flinched at his words, her hands suddenly pulled away from him as if his skin were fire. She was taken aback, eyes wavering as Soonyoung began rubbing away his tears. 

"Why are you acting this way? You're not even giving us a chance. You're acting as if everything we've built together was for nothing. As if all those years together were just child's play when you literally mean the world to me." 

"(y/n), I love you," he interjected, shutting his eyes and taking a deep, final breath. "I love so much. You are everything to me. And I know I can't live without you. But I can't bear to see you lose yourself to a long distance relationship like this."

"Soonyoung–"

"You deserve a fulfilling and present love. A love that you won't have to struggle with time differences just to video call, a love where you don't have to be decided over homework, a love that's just as invigorating and perfect as you, and I'm no longer a viable option." 

He didn't know what had done it—which of his words had finally broken her fortitude, but before he knew it, he heard sniffling beside him, and when he finally met her gaze again, there were tears running down her face, lips downturned whilst staring back at him in disappointment. 

"Who even are you anymore?" He stayed quiet at her question, not really knowing how to even answer this if he had wanted to. Physically, he was still Soonyoung, but so much had happened in such a short duration of time that he felt like his soul lay dormant deep within him. He didn't know what entity of sorts took over that compelled him to act in such a way and feel these doubts he's never felt before, but there was no changing him at this point. 

And within seconds, this strong, independent girl Soonyoung had grown to love with all of his heart had deteriorated with defeat. She pulled her hands away from his in lieu of shielding her face, leaving cold pockets on his body from where her touch had once resided. He felt a stab at his heart as she silently wept to herself, a sight he rarely if ever saw from her. And to know that he was the reason she was like this killed him inside.

Yet even so, he still didn't take back his words. He didn't apologize for destroying their relationship so heartlessly. He just sat there, watching her, knowing this would be the last image of her he'd see before flying the next morning.

And as greedy as it was—as absolutely cold and insensitive as it was for him to do—he slid closer to her, hands hovering over her wrists for a second more, as if giving himself one more chance to stop, but it seemed as if his body had now begun running on autopilot. Latching onto her hands, he gently tugged them away from her face, cupping her cheeks so as to have her looking at him. 

She was crushed, tears an endless stream of moisture seeping from her now reddened eyes, facial muscles contorted with sadness. It was a sight that absolutely destroyed Soonyoung, yet still it was undeniable in his mind: she was as beautiful as she had always been and always would be.

Perhaps it was with that thought, that subtle reminder that he truly did and always would love her for who she was, that compelled him to lean forward, pressing his lips onto hers one last time, as if one last proclamation of his eternal love for her. His eyes had shut, tears slipping away from him as he brought her closer to him, pouring out every ounce of affection he could, hoping that what his words failed to convey, his kiss would translate—show her that somewhere in him, Soonyoung still resided; that she hadn't lost him entirely yet. 

She had kissed him back, hands threading through his hair and pulling him closer, afraid that if she had let go, he'd disappear from her forever. 

And her fears had proven true. After that last night together, tangled in each other's limbs, their final moments expressing their love for one another, he had left, leaving behind a kiss on her forehead and his heart now in her hands as he flew across the country, an emotionless void as he pursued what he thought he'd always wanted. 

His demeanor had changed greatly during breakfast, something Seokmin had noticed almost immediately. The boys agreed to meet up later when the others were available, agreeing to hit up some places around the city together. Seokmin was driving Soonyoung home for the time being, refraining from mentioning his solemn expression as he sat in the passenger's seat quietly. The man had too many thoughts running through his mind at all times. It was something that Soonyoung had always dealt with. They'd be talking about one thing, and within a second, Soonyoung would have changed the route of their conversation because he suddenly remembered something. Though now rather than his silly little conversational segues growing up, his thoughts seemed a dark place that no one would want to venture into. Seokmin just hoped that their friends would be able to distract him some later tonight. 

Once they pulled into the driveway of Soonyoung's parent's house, they both stepped out of the vehicle, making their way to the entrance until Seokmin's phone began ringing. 

"Hello?" He swiftly answered as Soonyoung fished for his keys. "What? Wait– hold on– Grandma, I– Slow down for a second, slow down. Are you okay? Are you hurt at all?" Soonyoung turned around, eyes widening in shock as he looked at a very concerned and confused Seokmin. "Okay, I'll be right there. Just stay put." 

"What happened?" 

"She got into a car accident. She said it's a minor one, but still." 

"Of course, I understand, go over there," Soonyoung insisted, already ushering Seokmin over to his car. 

"Wait, Soonyoung, wait." They both stopped for a moment, facing each other with equally troubled expressions. "It's almost 2 o'clock." Soonyoung's mouth dropped immediately, hand resting on his forehead as he began to truly process Seokmin's plight. 

"Chaerim…" 

"I know it's a lot to ask of you, but could you pick her up for me?" Seokmin asked, already unlocking his car as he waited for Soonyoung's answer, which came seconds later in vigorous nods. It brought a small smile to his face, seeing some form of life once more in his friend's eyes. "Great, thank you so much, dude. I'll text you the address. I owe you big time."

Once Seokmin had left, Soonyoung immediately rushed into the house to grab his keys before driving off. He must've broken quite a few traffic laws considering he made it to the store, bought a car seat, and installed it, all with just minutes to spare before 2.

He double checked the booster seat once more, shaking it around to ensure it was latched on safely, before he backed away with a huff, turning his attention to her daycare he was parked in front of. 

A quaint little location with trees and flowers littered around the front, a sign of alternating primary colors reading 'Little Sun Daycare' under a rainbow arch with clouds on either side. From where he stood, he could see a large, open backyard with all the things to occupy a child's attention span. Though it was barren, so he knew they were all likely nestled away safely inside. 

He rubbed his suddenly sweaty palms on the front of his jeans before pulling the door open, wincing at the loud chime over his head once he saw what he had walked into. About a dozen or so children, all scattered across the floor with blankets and pillows as a faint lullaby played on loop behind them. He stood there awkwardly, frozen in place with his eyes darting from each and every child, checking to see if any stirred, though luckily it seemed he'd gotten away with it. 

Another moment passed before a lady came around the corner, steps light and casual like the seasoned caregiver she most likely was. She was older with brown hair pulled into a bun, a few wiry gray strands sticking to and fro from what must've been an already strenuous day with the children. She offered Soonyoung a gentle smile, revealing wrinkles that curved with her face, as if showing how often they formed due to her frequent grins and happiness. 

"Hello," Soonyoung whispered, practically tiptoeing closer to her out of fear of making any more noise. "I'm sorry for… that." He gestured grandly to the bell behind him. She snickered, waving her hand dismissively to him. 

"It's alright, dear, these kids can usually sleep through a stampede." Her voice was low, though definitely not as quiet as Soonyoung had been, and he found himself quickly adapting to her volume levels as she went behind the front desk. "Pick-up?"

"Oh… Yes, I'm here for pick-up." He nodded at her words, somewhat surprised at how quickly she had deduced his reason for coming. She handed him a clipboard of names, presumably that of the kids, before she left to go into the room of napping children.

His eyes scanned the list before settling on Chaerim's. There were two boxes in her row, one for drop off and one for pick-up. (y/n)'s name was already signed in one, and Soonyoung needed a moment to collect himself, gaze now focused on her signature. It was silly of him to feel so affected by mere writing, especially when he had written his name next to hers on the pick-up column. It had the same satisfaction as when he'd write his name with her last name growing up, long before he had the bravery to ask her out and he was merely dealing with a crush that rotted his brain away.

Chaerim. (y/n). Soonyoung. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a little voice calling out to him.

"Soonie?" He turned around, heart swelling as he saw a tired Chaerim rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Her face was puffy, hair in complete disarray, but she looked absolutely adorable to him. He crouched to his knees with a smile on his face, and that was supposedly enough of a boost for the girl to all but launch herself into his hold, tiny arms thrown around his neck as she buried her face into his shoulder. A warmth spread through his body as he cradled her against him, standing to his full height before facing the woman again. 

"She had almost an hour-long nap. Snack time was just before naptime, so she may be hungry. And she was praised today for sharing toys with the other kids." Soonyoung chuckled at this, patting her back approvingly as she refused to stray from where she nestled herself into him. 

"Thank you so much," he responded to her, backing away towards the door as he waved goodbye to her. 

"Of course. It's lovely to finally meet you!" The words hadn't really hit him until the door had closed behind them. Then he, had stood there frozen for another moment, eyes widened when he processed both her implication and how she had wordlessly gone to retrieve Chaerim. He bit back a smile, continuing his trek to his car as he greeted the little girl in his arms. 

"Are you surprised?" He felt her nod against him. 

"Yeah," she mumbled into his shirt. "Because usually it's Uncle Seokmin who picks me up. But today, it was Soonie." His cheeks were already hurting from smiling and he hadn't even gotten into the car yet.

"I like the name you've given me," he replied to her as he strapped the little girl into her seat, shaking her around a bit to check again for stability purposes, earning a few bubbly giggles from her before he slipped into the driver's seat. 

"Are we going to Aunt Jihyo's? Uncle Seokmin usually takes me to Aunt Jihyo's afterwards. And then Aunt Jihyo and I play games and watch movies until mommy comes." Soonyoung hummed happily at her babbling in the background, refreshing his chat with Seokmin where he had only sent him the address to the daycare. Soonyoung sent a second text out, even though his other one hadn't been read yet. He knew it'd be a stretch asking Chaerim for directions, so with a shake of his head, he began backing out of the parking lot. 

"I was actually thinking we could hang, you and me. How does that sound?"

"Yeah!" She hollered loudly, all that drowsiness she had before dissipating as she kicked her legs excitedly. 

To be fair, if he weren't driving, he'd also probably be kicking his legs around, the thought of spending time with Chaerim just as exciting of an idea to him as it was to her, and he hadn't even had a full conversation with the girl on his own. It just comes to show how invigorating of a person she was at such a young age already. Just as entrancing as her mother.

It was almost by nature that he had navigated them to the park. It was a quaint area filled with lush trees and winding cobbled paths. At the center of it all was a lake where many visitors would fish or feed the wildlife, and that main walkway encircled the body of water, a route many morning joggers would wind up taking.

Their town wasn't necessarily small, but it also wasn't a grand city with a variety of things to do and places to visit; as such, the park was a sight he and his friends had frequented often whilst growing up together. He remembers learning to skip stones with Minghao at the lake, climbing around the playground with Mingyu and Seokmin as if it were an obstacle course where they couldn't touch the floor, playing manhunt with everyone in the middle of the night. Asking out (y/n) as the sun was setting behind them. It was a place he held near and dear to his heart, and something in him wanted to create even more memories now with Chaerim by his side. 

The girl seemed perhaps even more excited than he was, if that were even possible, already preemptively pressing the red button of her car seat and freeing herself from her restraints. Though she sat there anyways, waiting for Soonyoung to turn off the car and take her out of her seat himself. 

With her little hand wrapped around two of his fingers, they strolled through the park together, Soonyoung letting her ramble away to her heart's content. 

"You should be happy I named you Soonie," she called out to him from where she walked below. He hummed in acknowledgement at this, a confused yet amused smile crossing his face as she continued speaking. "Uncle Seokmin keeps asking me to change his name, but I don't want to."

"Why not? A nickname would be much shorter than Uncle Seokmin."

"What's a nickname?"

"It's when you shorten the person's name. You call me Soonie instead of Soonyoung. Soonie is a nickname."

"Why can't it be your real name?"

"It could if I legally change it."

"Change it."

"Maybe some other day," Soonyoung laughed at her insistence, gazing down at her fondly. How lucky you would have had to been to be blessed with Chaerim's presence on a daily basis. It was a relieving thought to know that three of the most trustworthy people he could name were her guardians.

Jihyo, who had been with (y/n) for years to come. A friend that was one in a million. Someone who stood the test of time, never once straying from (y/n) throughout the duration of their friendship.

He remembers when he had gotten into a fight on (y/n)'s behalf, having heard a guy talking crassly about her. It was Jihyo who had yanked Soonyoung off the guy, urging him to rethink his decision. The last thing (y/n) would want out of this was her boyfriend to be suspended for fighting this jerk. But when the guy continued with his vulgar language regarding (y/n), Jihyo had performed quite possibly the most impressive elbow drop ever seen, landing them both into weeks of detention together. 

It was a silly thing to bond over, but nonetheless had sealed a sort of unspoken friendship that neither of them had expected. 

Then there was Seokmin, one of his best friends since elementary school—and still claiming that title today. 

He was inherently kindhearted, accepting of anyone no matter their circumstances. Soonyoung berated him at times for putting others before himself too often, though it seemed like it didn't affect Seokmin in the slightest. As if he derived all of his enjoyment from helping others, both a selfless but also selfish matter as he did think of others, but he mostly did it because it brought himself joy. Still a saint if there ever was one, and from what he's heard thus far regarding his participation in Chaerim and (y/n)'s life, this still proved true. 

Then there was (y/n). Were there even words to describe how perfect (y/n) was? How sweet and caring and loving she is. Warm and doting with kisses that can heal any ailment, physical or emotional. Thoughtful and patient and compassionate. Soonyoung had brought the passion in their relationship, the whimsy that made love so worthwhile and memorable. Yet she was the stability in their relationship, able to ground Soonyoung when he grew too rambunctious, quell any argument that would surface between them, balance the energy Soonyoung evoked with her own tranquility. 

There was no better person to mother such an adoring child as Chaerim. No better person to be raised by with such love and tenderness. There was no person like (y/n), nor would there ever be. 

"Why is it called nickname?" Chaerim suddenly chimed in, catching Soonyoung off guard who just spoke the first thing in his mind, in a feeble attempt to impress the young girl with his nonexistent knowledge. 

"Nick is the shortened version of Nicholas." His eyes had widened comically at his words, impressed by how the reasoning seemed to fit the context, yet also dumbfounded by how idiotic he was. Chaerim didn't seem to be affected by his nonsense. 

"So Soonyoung is your Nicholasname?" 

"Yes." He could already sense another question on the tip of the inquisitive girl's tongue, and Soonyoung couldn't find it in himself to lie to her again. "Oh, look at that!" He threw his hand up with a gasp leaving his mouth, pointing to the ice cream truck just off the edge of the path they walked on. While he seemed excited, Chaerim was otherwise unimpressed, drawing nearer to him as they stopped in their path. 

"I'm not allowed to have ice cream," she explained, to which Soonyoung gaped at her response, almost immediately crouching to her level in shock. 

"Why not? Is it something about spoiling your dinner?" She hummed at his question, needing a moment to herself to think of her words. 

"Mommy says I can't. She says I lack toes in taller ants." Soonyoung blinked in wonder at this, in complete and utter confusion at what she was getting at. Lack toes in taller ants. Lack toes. In taller ants. 

"Lack toes… Lactose intolerant." His voice was barely above a whisper, both hesitant of his conclusion, but also fearful for the answer—on whether she truly is lactose intolerant.

She nodded. 

His breathing was shaky, nerves alight as he nodded at her response. His heart felt like it had seized in his chest for a moment, yet even with the internal panic setting in, he still felt a smile twitching at his lips. 

"Well, lucky for you, this ice cream truck has ice cream you can eat." Her eyes widened, a wide toothy grin setting in. 

"Really?"

"Yeah. And you can trust me on this. I'm also lactose intolerant." She laughed in absolute wonderment, allowing him to scoop her up and take her to the ice cream truck he used to visit as a child himself.

Ordering the ice cream felt sort of like a fever dream as he was still processing the newfound information. The coincidences were becoming far too frequent for him to ignore. Chaerim's undeniable resemblance to him that has even stumped people outside their circumstances. Chaerim's genetic lactose intolerance that she had to have gotten from someone other than (y/n). Even now as they ate their sorbets, they had similar tastes. 

"I don't like this," Chaerim said, sticking out her tongue in disgust. 

"Then why'd you ask for it?"

"Mommy says I like peaches." Soonyoung chuckled at this, glancing down at his strawberry sorbet one last time before extending it to the girl seated beside him.

"Here, try mine." She leant forward, biting into the pink dome of sweetness before humming in delight and nodding. Gone was his strawberry, now eating her peach one—which he also didn't really like all that much. 

She was cozied up into his side, all but devouring her strawberry treat while Soonyoung soaked in the moment. He memorized the way the sun beat down upon them, how the cool breeze passed by and chilled the perspiration settling on their faces. The feeling of fulfillment gripping at his heart just from being with Chaerim, feeling her so close to his side, taking in the radiance she emitted, her happiness that he had managed to instill in her. It was an emotion he never thought existed, but now couldn't get enough. Something only she seemed to awaken in him, and something he'd quite possibly never grow weary of. 

"DK," She shouted enthusiastically all of the sudden, startling Soonyoung some out of his thoughts. 

"What's DK?"

"Uncle Seokmin." 

"How'd you come up with that?"

"It's the letters in his name. Seok and Min." 

"That's not… There's no… Okay." She giggled at him, causing him to laugh along with her. Her head pressed into the side of his chest, right along where his heart seemed to beat more obviously by the moment. It was such a perfect moment, and Soonyoung's delusions seemed to continuously feed into that delight, yet something in him nagged incessantly, a voice that seemed to call upon his downfall as his mouth opened. "Chaerim… How old are you?"

"I'm turning 4." She proudly raised up four fingers into Soonyoung's sight, and his heart all but shattered alongside the fantasy that had been concocted in his head at the moment.

She was 3. Far too young to have been his child. 

He didn't understand. There was so much that said otherwise. So many signs that supported his beliefs. So many reasons to prove that she was his daughter. It confused him. It left his heart in fractures. It had this numb feeling quickly settling in, reminding him that he was nothing. That he was delusional to have even thought for a moment Chaerim was his. That he had even the slightest chance of reconnecting with (y/n). That he could ever possibly get this dream life that he had abandoned on his own. 

"Soonie, I like ice cream. Can we get more later?" He bit his lip, blinking away the tears that threatened to surface and began nodding his head. A grin settled over his face at Chaerim's request, sighing in relief as he was forced back into reality. The reality that although he wasn't her father, he still very much so loved this little girl, and nothing could change that. 

"Of course, sunshine," he cooed, fingers combing through the thin strands of her jet black hair. "We'll have to get permission from your mommy first. I'm not even sure if I was allowed to do this much." 

"And when mommy says yes, we can all get ice cream together." Soonyoung's heart skipped a beat at the mere mention of (y/n), but his mind blanked upon the insinuation of her joining them. The three of them all together, spending a day in the park eating ice cream like a little family. 

His perfect little family. 

"Yeah. We'll do just that."

"Pinky promise?" She held out her hand to him, pinky jutted out expectantly as she looked up at him. 

"Pinky promise." He linked his pinky with hers, earning more of her pleased giggles that soothed away all of his anxieties. 

Time passed by quickly, and soon Soonyoung was waiting at (y/n)'s door, seated on the ground as Chaerim continued talking to him. The elevator they had used to arrive at the apartment chimed, and out rushed a panicked (y/n), eyes manic as she zeroed in on her daughter. 

"Mommy!" Chaerim called out, rushing over to the woman who dropped to her knees, a sigh of relief puffing out of her as she finally had her daughter back in her arms. 

"My baby, thank heavens you're alright." Soonyoung smiled fondly at the sight, taking another moment to watch the two before he rose to his feet, garnering (y/n)'s attention. 

"I'm sorry. I would've called you about the change in plans, but I basically only had Seokmin's number, and Seokmin was preoccupied." She nodded, also standing up with him, Chaerim wrapped in her arms. 

"I understand," she responded, heading over to her front door. "Could you get my keys out of my bag?" 

Soonyoung automatically obeyed, fishing out her keys in mere seconds as he unlocked the door for the two. He followed close behind, slipping her bag off her shoulder and allowing her to peacefully reconvene with her daughter in the living room, cradling the young girl for a few more minutes to herself. 

"Mommy, Soonie picked me up today!"

"I know, that's so fun, isn't it?"

"Yeah! DK was busy, so Soonie came."

"DK?"

"And then we went to the park!" Soonyoung snorted as Chaerim completely ignored (y/n)'s confusion, leaning against the wall and watching (y/n) struggle to keep up with her daughter. "We went to the park and we had ice cream!"

"Ice cream?" She turned to look at Soonyoung, a hint of confusion, but upon seeing him mouth 'sorbet', she nodded in understanding, smiling as she returned to her daughter. "That's exciting! Was it yummy?"

"No!" Chaerim proclaimed proudly, (y/n)'s jaw dropping at the rollercoaster of a conversation happening. "I had peach ice cream first."

"You don't like peaches." Soonyoung had to hold back his laugh, chest quaking with contained cackles, remembering how confidently Chaerim had explained her mom telling her she liked peaches. Though that laughter dissipated, quickly replaced with betrayal as Chaerim continued. 

"Soonie said I liked peaches." While Soonyoung was about to defend his position, (y/n) merely nodded, already accustomed to Chaerim's inconsistencies as a toddler. "But he gave me his strawberry, and it was really yummy!" 

"You swapped ice creams?" (y/n) asked, gaze returning to Soonyoung, a ghost of a smile on her lips with that familiar glint of fondness returning to her eyes, a sight that Soonyoung couldn't recall the last time seeing, and it had him shaken to his core right at that moment, stomach twisting in knots and heart pounding against his chest as the emotions swirling in him seemed to awaken from their hibernation. 

"Yeah we did! We can swap again next time with you!" (y/n) drifted her attention back to Chaerim, that fleeting tender gaze dissipating, soon replaced by confusion once more. 

"What?" 

"Soonie and I want you to eat ice cream with us!"

She didn't look back at Soonyoung, merely nodding in agreement and faintly smiling. 

"Of course, sweetheart. I'll join you guys next time." Before Chaerim could offer her pinky as she did him, (y/n) stood from the couch. "Soonie has to go now though! Go ahead and say goodbye!" 

(y/n) was already walking away as her daughter whined in protest, darting over to where Soonyoung resided and clinging to his legs. 

"Soonie, don't go!"

God, he didn't want to. It was the last thing on his mind, especially when he met her glassy eyed stare, a pleading gaze begging him not to leave her. His heart was too weak for this, but he knew he couldn't disobey (y/n)'s decree, and he begrudgingly lowered to his knees, gathering Chaerim in his arms for one last hug. 

"It's alright, sunshine. There's always another day. I made a promise, didn't I?" With one last squeeze, he pulled away, making sure he looked at her with the most unwaveringly resolute expression he could muster. "And I never break my promises." 

She giggled and nodded, hugging him again before running off to her room, leaving (y/n) and him alone at the foyer. 

"I'm really sorry about today," Soonyoung began, quick to break the silence before it grew to be too tense. "Seokmin had that issue with his grandmother, and he forgot to text me Jihyo's address–"

"It's okay, Soonyoung. Really." Her voice was soft as she cut him off, hand raised to silence him. "I should be thanking you, to be honest. This is probably the most fun she's had in a long time." 

"No need to thank me at all." Soonyoung gave a subtle laugh, looking down at his feet bashfully. "Chaerim is the sweetest little girl out there. I had a very good day with her." 

(y/n) smiled at this, nodding at his words before turning to begin making dinner. 

"I'm glad. She seems to really like you." She hesitated for a moment, causing mid sentence. "Thank you… for giving her your time of day. It really means a lot to us."

"(y/n)..." He knew where her words came from. He could hear it in her tone. The pain. The betrayal. The wounds still fresh from when he had left her that morning. Left her to wake up on her own to an empty bed and no other word from him. Completely and utterly alone. He knew what he had done, and while he regretted it with every fiber of his being, he still stood there, contemplating what he could possibly say to someone he had left behind years and years ago. Because no matter how much he regrets his actions, he can never take it back. "I'm sorry… I know it doesn't make up for anything, but truly, I'm genuinely, desperately sorry."

Her eyes were focused on the granite of her countertop, hands shaking while clenched together on the surface. She was holding so much in, and it killed Soonyoung. Knowing he had left her this way. That he reduced her to this state.

"It's fine. It's in the past." Her voice was steady and calm, a contrast to her physical appearance where she seemed to be barely holding herself up. But in typical (y/n) fashion, she looked up at him, all emotion stowed away as she greeted him with that professional facade of hers; the one that she used on everyone to hide how she truly felt. The facade that she had never once directed to him because he could see right through it every time. And it hurt. Seeing how she couldn't even bear to share even a fragment of emotion to him anymore, as if last night's crying fest between the two was for nothing. He hated it. Indifference felt even colder than the sting of hatred. He'd much rather have preferred she loathed him to the depths of his soul, yet she just waved it off, smiling and making her way around him and to her door. "New era, new me. There's no use in holding grudges or holding on to the past. I appreciate everything you've done for Chaerim today. But I'm sure she's taken up quite a bit of your day, and I wouldn't want to waste anymore of your time."

The door was wide open before Soonyoung could even get a say in, and he unwillingly walked out of the apartment, steps slow and dragging as he passed by (y/n) avoiding his stare by focusing on the floor beneath them. 

"I…" Soonyoung spoke as he passed the threshold of their home, turning around before (y/n) could start closing the door. She looked up at him, brows furrowed together warily at what he could possibly want. "Can I… take Chaerim out some days while I'm here?" Her mouth fell open, but nothing came out, merely shocked to hear Soonyoung's preposition. "I don't have any plans this month, and I really did enjoy my time with her. And I'll take good care of her. That is, only if we have your permission, of course." 

"I'll… I'll have to see how she feels about this. You know, since it's also her opinion on the matter."

"Of course." Soonyoung hesitated for a moment, biting his lip in thought, but he urged himself to push forward. "Can I… give you my number? So we can stay in contact about… Chaerim?" 

"Soonyoung…" She was tongue-tied to say the least, fumbling over noncommittal words and syllables, trying to get herself out of this situation, but to no avail. It brought a smile to his face as she pulled out her phone and handed it to him, because he did have a point. As a mother, she wouldn't want what happened today to happen again. Yes, Soonyoung was playing on her natural maternal instincts, but he meant well nevertheless. 

With their numbers exchanged, she bid him farewell, thanking him one last time before allowing the door to fall closed behind her. And Soonyoung walked out of that apartment building triumphantly, pleased with himself and how his day had gone. His heart felt more full than it ever had before, all because he had the knowledge of (y/n)'s number stored into his phone. It was a silly thing, but something that had him beaming to himself as he took a moment to stare at her contact in his car. He felt like a schoolboy all over again, gushing about his crush who had given him the bare minimum, but God did the bare minimum feel like everything he's ever wanted in life. 

He was snapped out of his revelry with his phone vibrating in hand, Seokmin's contact taking over his screen with an incoming call. 

"Hello?" Soonyoung answered. 

"Soonyoung, hey! It's Seokmin. I just wanted to check up on how everything's going. My grandma got checked up, she just has a few bruises that should clear up in a few weeks. Car doesn't look too good, but at least she's fine."

"That's great!" Soonyoung sighed for his friend, smiling at the good news. "I'm glad to hear everything is okay. As for me, today went well. I picked up Chaerim and took her to the park. We had some sorbets together, walked around a bit, and I just finished dropping her off at (y/n)'s." 

"Awesome, I seriously owe you, dude."

"No, you don't." Soonyoung's eyes glanced up to (y/n)'s floor, comfortingly smiling at whatever the girls could be up to at this time. "I honestly owe you, if we're being honest."

"Ah, you see what I mean?" Seokmin spoke in a teasing manner, and Soonyoung could already envision the shit eating grin across his friend's face. "Isn't she the sweetest thing ever. I love hanging out with her." 

"I do, too," Soonyoung confessed, eyes slowly moving down from the apartment building, naturally landing on his rearview mirror with a clear image of Chaerim's now empty booster seat. "Listen, Seokmin, I have a… serious question to ask you." 

"Shoot, what's up?"

"Who's Chaerim's father?" 

The line was dead silent with only the natural buzz of feedback to greet his ears. His hand clenched at the wheel, waiting for Seokmin's words which seemed to be far too delayed for his taste. As if this silence would stretch on for another eon with Soonyoung wasting away, waiting in anticipation for his answer, only hoping it's the one he wants. 

"I don't know," Seokmin responded, his tone growing grave with his words. "I'm not sure… But I mean, Jihyo is basically her dad. We like to joke around that she's more of a dad than an aunt to the girl, you know what I mean?" Soonyoung pursed his lips, easily seeing how Seokmin redirected the conversation. But he didn't dwell on that, nodding to himself at his friend's excuse of an answer. 

"Yeah, I get you. Jihyo is a real one." 

"I actually have to go and deal with her now, because I had like 20 missed calls from her and I called you first to delay the inevitable when I have to call her back." Soonyoung expelled some air from his nose in a soft, breathy laugh. 

"I wish you luck, my friend." 

"Thank you, I'll be needing it. I'll pick you up at 8 tonight. Sounds good?"

"Sounds good to me."

Soonyoung may have drank too much last night. And he may have woken up with a hangover so bad that even laying on his pillow had his head pounding. All of this may hold true, but none of it stopped Soonyoung from downing some painkillers and heading out to the daycare, far too excited to even consider the pain throbbing at his skull. Because through all of the agony he had woken to, there was one shining light at the end of the dim tunnel; a text from (y/n), saying that both she and Chaerim had consented to him picking her up and spending the day with her. 

He was lucky that the other guys were just as drunk as him, Seokmin not even reading Soonyoung's message telling him he was going to be busy that day—perhaps still knocked out after their rambunctious night, one that Soonyoung struggled to remember. 

He could only remember glimpses of memories here and there. Joshua pulling a Gatorade out of his backpack and mixing it with his shot, attracting the attention of passersby who also wanted a douse of Gatorade infused in their liquor. He remembered Seokmin trying to front flip on the karaoke stage and failing miserably, laying there flat on his back as the instrumental to Call Me Maybe continued playing in the background. He remembered Mingyu and Chan trying to impress girls by using their strength in quite possibly the dumbest way Soonyoung had ever seen being attempted; Chan trying to do pull ups on Mingyu's arms who desperately flexed to try and hold the boy up—though it did manage to impress many guys at the bar, and they made quite a few gym friends along the way.

He was just grateful he managed to find his way home somehow in one piece, and made it a reminder to check on the others later in the day when they've likely recovered. But for now, he was on his way to the daycare, ready to retrieve Chaerim early so they could be together for even longer today. 

The pick up was much like the day before, though this time, Soonyoung came before naptime and was greeted by many smiling faces playing together in the next room. The lady came to greet him once more as Chaerim clung to him again, and soon they were off. 

"Where are we going today, Soonie!" She shouted from where she sat, inside voice out the window as she kicked her feet excitedly once more. The sight warmed his heart, the small mirrored image of her in his rearview mirror sparking this wholesome comfort in his heart, a fond smile stretching across his face. 

"I haven't decided yet, sunshine," he replied. "We can go to the zoo–"

"The zoo!" She cried enthusiastically, the shrillness of her voice somewhat grating on his ear, triggering another throbbing sensation in his head, though he shook it off with a wince and a shrug. "I want the zoo, Soonie! I want the zoo!"

"Or we can go to the mall and I can buy you whatever you want."

She grew quiet all of a sudden, startling Soonyoung who quickly glanced at his rearview mirror to see the girl staring off into oblivion, mouth ajar and eyes glazed over. She sat there completely motionless for a few seconds, and Soonyoung was about to pull over to check on her when she suddenly sat up again. 

"Soonie buys me toys at the zoo." 

He blinked at her proposition, but nevertheless nodded with a laugh. 

"Sounds like a plan. Good job finding a compromise so quickly." 

"What's a com-pom-rise?" 

The remainder of the journey was repetitive, to say the least, with Chaerim babbling nonsensically, hitting Soonyoung with unexpected questions as if to keep him on track with her discussions, singing songs together, and at some point she dozed off for five minutes before waking up fully energized. 

And the zoo was as good an idea as ever, perhaps better than it had gone in his head when he had been deliberating on potential places to take the young girl. Her smile seemed to never fade throughout the day, a permanent fixture on her face as he brought her to each and every animal they had to offer. He'd hold her up to get a better view of the monkeys, summarize what the tour guides said in words she'd understand, even had his arm wrapped around her the entire time she was in the petting zoo, far too wary to approach any of the animals on her own.

All the while, he snapped photos of her and him, sending them to (y/n) to keep her updated. It felt bittersweet to have her on speed dial once more. Accessible to him at any moment in time. He'd remember them texting each other at night, using up all of their minutes just to be with the other. And later on, they'd call each other for hours at a time, his face pressed into the pillow and his phone resting on his ear, dozing off to the sound of her absent-minded humming. Though again, they were merely memories at this point. And he was reminded of that as he sent her the next batch of images, the last one staring back at him almost mockingly.

One where his face was pressed against Chaerim's, the both of them sporting the same toothy smile, cheeks puffed with joy and eyes crinkled into slits. While the fact still remained—that being Chaerim is not his biological child—he couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort looking at the image. A sort of reminder of what could have been. That this little girl is what his child with (y/n) would've looked like had he not thrown everything away.

"Soonie," said little girl called up to him, tugging at the hem of his shirt to summon his attention. "I'm tired." 

That's right, he picked her up before naptime. Not only that, but they've been walking around the zoo for a few hours now. Of course she's bound to be tired, she's still practically a baby. He could probably find a quiet spot where she can nap. She can use his jacket as a blanket and his lap as a pillow. Would that be sufficient enough? What if it's too sunny out for her to nap? Is there a place that's even quiet enough? What if she collapses on him out of exhaustion? 

Another tug at his shirt has him crouching to her height almost immediately, and Chaerim took the opportunity to latch onto his neck, scrambling into his arms so when he stood again, she was safely nestled against him. As if through magic, her touch settled the frenzied thoughts swirling in his head, silencing his incessant doubts and worries with a simple hug. The ends of her pigtails tickled beneath his jaw, grounding him and bringing a smile to his face. 

This must've been what it felt like to be a father. The thought harrowing, the responsibilities debilitating, worries for your child being an inevitable occurrence with every waking moment. Yet at the end of the day, when you had them in your arm, feeling their comforting weight against you, it was like there was nothing to even worry about. Like all of those struggles endured were worth it in the end. Like nothing else in the world mattered, as long as they were safe and happy. This fulfilling sense of harmony like the calm after the storm, the remedy to his qualms, the spark of warmth in an otherwise frigid wasteland.

What power such a tiny human held, one that he had only met some few days ago, yet one that he found himself loving wholeheartedly, willing to throw everything away if that's what she asked of him. There they sat on a secluded bench, his jacket draped on her back as she dozed off on his shoulder. The hanging branches above them offered a generous amount of shade, yet those pesky rays of light that peeked through the leaves threatened Chaerim's rest, so Soonyoung sat there with his hand hovering over her face, making sure nothing disturbed her peace. His arm ached and his shoulder had long gone numb from keeping its position, though he found he couldn't care less about these minor inconveniences. 

Not when his little sunshine was sleeping calmly against him, her steady breaths puffing against his neck as her fists weakly pawed at his shirt. 

The zoo trip finally reached its conclusion, Chaerim strapped into her car seat between her new flamingo, giraffe, and tiger toys, who were also strapped into their seats. The latter was a given, Soonyoung already snagging it from its hook and adding it to her pile. She didn't complain though, if her talking to her new tiger was any indication. On the way home, she had already bestowed upon it the noble name of Stripey, as well as an entire backstory about Stripey having fled from her wartorn kingdom before the enemy lion troops were to capture her, taking refuge in the zoo until Chaerim came to her rescue.

Soonyoung was very invested, on the edge of his seat whenever she hit him with yet another plot twist to the convoluted story, to the point that he hadn't even realized he'd made it to the apartment building until he had actually parked, nor did he truly acknowledge the situation at hand until Chaerim had rapped her knuckles against the door once they had reached the apartment itself. 

Moments later, the door opened, and there stood (y/n) in all of her glory. It was idiotic how absolutely awestruck Soonyoung was every time he saw. How enamored he was with her whenever he so much as stood in her presence. The impact she had on him still to this day something that astonished him, though at the same time didn't necessarily surprise him, as she had lingered in his mind practically every day since the moment he first met her. 

Soonyoung stood in sheer wonderment as usual, though was suddenly sent hurtling into a completely different sense of astoundment as she blessed him with a smile. A warm and genuine grin with tinges of bittersweet poignancy at its edges. It wasn't that conflicted, distant gaze she usually looked at him with, watching him as one would an exhibit of sorts. It felt new, yet comfortingly familiar in a way. As if slowly but surely, her exterior was melting away. 

"Mommy!" Chaerim shouted, squirming out of Soonyoung's arms the moment (y/n) appeared. She managed to wrangle the little girl from Soonyoung's wavering grip, chuckling to herself at the fear that flashed Soonyoung's eyes the moment he thought he'd drop Chaerim. He was left to trail after the two, right arm still clutching the three stuffed animals and the small gift shop bag. All the while, Chaerim babbled on to her mother about the entirety of her day. 

Soonyoung was leant against the wall as the two girls sat themselves on the couch, the scene similar to the day before, yet also vastly different. The setting sun's rays seeping in through the windows no longer felt like an anxious conclusion to the day, though instead a hopeful end. One where Soonyoung could rest assured that he wasn't being completely removed from the equation. He couldn't really pinpoint it, but it felt as if something changed. As if turning a new leaf. Watching the girls talk hadn't felt like he was intruding on a private conversation, but instead spectating the amusing scene of a toddler desperately strewing words together to describe the events of the zoo to her mother. 

"And then–and then Soonie and I went to see the rhinos, and they were like this big," she exclaimed excitedly, tossing her arms open to indicate the sheer size of the animals mentioned. (y/n) nodded, undoing Chaerim's pigtails and combing through her locks. "And then we saw the giraffes and they were even bigger!"

"No way," (y/n) responded, triggering another surge of excitement from the little girl who insisted vehemently on the giraffe's staggering height. Soonyoung rested his head against the wall, a wide smile stretched across his face. (y/n) glanced over at him, biting back her own smile while Chaerim continued.

Something had changed. A shift in the atmosphere that was unlike yesterday's. It felt almost unfair that Soonyoung couldn't narrow down what exactly it was, yet either way he was immensely grateful, especially as (y/n) redirected her attention to him, dismissing Chaerim for now. She stood from the couch, walking into the kitchen, and Soonyoung naturally followed after her, no words needed. 

"Looks like she had fun," (y/n) stated, an entertained laugh slipping out at the end of her sentence.

"She did, I'm glad to see that." Soonyoung glanced into the living room where the aforementioned little girl watched her cartoons in an almost dazed state. "I was worried she wouldn't like it." 

"Please, she got to see animals and she got toys at the end of it all. You couldn't have made her happier." She briefly opened the fridge, pulling out a sealed container before placing it on the island countertop. Soonyoung glanced between it and her for a few moments, not understanding the sudden appearance of the item, but with a roll of her eyes, (y/n) slid it closer to him. "Hangover soup." 

Soonyoung's mouth fell open, eyes widening some as he hesitantly brought the dish closer. 

"How did you know?" She looked at him with amused confusion, as if the answer to the question was obvious. Nonetheless, she shrugged with a smirk. 

"Maybe a little birdie told me you all were getting wasted last night." Soonyoung giggled some, thoughts returning to his friend who most likely is dealing with the same pain as him. He'd be sure to share this with Seokmin when he sees him next. 

"Thank you. Really. You didn't have to do all this."

"Of course I did." She waved him off dismissively, faux exasperation at his humility. His lips pursed into a thin line, fingers fiddling with the twine loops of the gift bag before finally lifting it and placing it on the counter with a soft thud. It was now her turn to look between the bag and him expectantly, only for him to follow her prior movements, sliding the bag across the counter much the same as the soup. 

Hesitatingly, she took the item, the light touch of her fingers causing the dense paper material to crinkle under her. She wore an appreciative, yet otherwise curious, smile as she fished out whatever resided in the bag, lifting it from its bed of wrapping and into the light. 

A small white leather box, unassuming in presentation, to the point that she hadn't even spared a second thought before opening it, unveiling a pair of pearl earrings. Her mouth fell agape, a small gasp leaving past her lips. She stared for a moment more at the jewelry before looking back up at Soonyoung. 

"The zoo had an area where they bred oysters," he explained, his voice coming out softer than intended, yet even so still feeling out of place in the otherwise quiet atmosphere with only the sounds of children's cartoons offering a low humming white noise in the background. She turned back to the earrings, a finger tracing over the smooth surface of the item at hand. "I hope you still like pearls. I saw them and thought of you." 

"I love them." Her response came as quietly as his own, though her voice had a crack in it that had Soonyoung's brows raising in concern. Meeting his gaze again proved his suspicions correct, her eyes now glassy with a pout on her lip as she clutched the box closer to her chest. 

"Aww, baby, don't cry." Soonyoung let out a laugh, body moving instinctively as he opened his arms. It wasn't until she had already shuffled into his embrace, whining into his chest and quietly releasing her tears, that he realized what he'd done. Though feeling her against him, the warmth of her tears against his shirt, that soothing aroma of hers that always calmed his nerves, the weight of her head pressing into him, quelled the worries in his heart. Like mother, like daughter, the two girls holding such an authority over him to be able to sway his every thought and his every emotion. For the next few minutes, he reveled in whatever comfort he could acquire, arms squeezing (y/n) to him as she mumbled her thanks to the man. 

For once, Soonyoung felt a sense of completion, more sated holding (y/n) than he had been at his own graduation. His lips twitched into a smile, and he was sure (y/n) must have heard the beating of his heart kick up with every passing moment, though she didn't comment on it. Chaerim had begun singing the songs on her show, and the orange glow of the setting sun continued basking them in its warm honey-like ambience. 

For once in his both hectic and monotonous life, he felt a stability he feared he'd never experience, the key to his peace resting in the hands of (y/n) herself. As if he had strayed from his intended path, only to veer back to her. Like no matter how far you throw a rock into the air, it's bound to return to the earth below it. No matter how far he fled from home, no matter how distant he grew from her, he'd always find his way back to (y/n). Like it was meant to be. And as he cradled her to him, he knew it was because it truly was meant to be.

He didn't know for how long he'd stood there holding (y/n), rocking them back and forth calmly as they embraced one another, though it was the sound of the apartment door opening that brought them back to reality, regrettably separating as Jihyo waltzed in. She had a look of surprise on her face for a moment, but offered Soonyoung a kind smile in greeting. 

"I should head out," Soonyoung quietly spoke, turning back to (y/n) after waving to Jihyo. 

"I'll walk you out," she replied, already walking out of the kitchen and into the main hall.

Soonyoung made a brief detour to the living room, crouching in front of the couch where Chaerim resided. 

"I'm heading out now." Chaerim immediately threw herself at him, causing Soonyoung to briefly huff at the sudden action. 

"I want Soonie to stay." 

"I can't, sunshine. We'll hang out again tomorrow, yeah?"

"Zoo?"

"I was thinking we could go to the aquarium. We can see more water animals." She gasped, pulling herself away from him to nod enthusiastically. Soonyoung laughed, nodding along with her and promising to pick her up from daycare again. Though before he could stand up, she grabbed him again, dragging him closer to her. 

"Come to my birthday," she insisted, practically vibrating with excitement. "It's really soon. Mommy says the 17th. Come to my birthday." 

"Okay, sunshine, I'm there."

She finally let him go, smiling as he walked back to the hallway where Jihyo and (y/n) stood. Jihyo bid Soonyoung a brief goodbye before heading to the living room with Chaerim. 

"I can't thank you enough for taking care of Chaerim, and for my earrings." (y/n) fiddled with the box still in her hand, and Soonyoung couldn't help but to grin at her shyness. 

"Of course. Nothing but the best for you both." 

"And thank you for the pictures… I really liked them." 

"I'm glad to hear." He felt his cheeks warming under her attention, bashfully looking down at his feet. "I'll send more tomorrow. We're going to the aquarium." 

"Oh, she's going to love that."

There was a pause between them, a silence as they looked at each other one last time. Soonyoung couldn't help but to smile whilst admiring her, remembering how he'd zone out in class and miss the entire lesson because he was staring at the back of her head. Old habits die hard. 

A sudden holler from the living room drew their attention back to the present, snickering at Chaerim's hoots of laughter from beyond the apartment. Though it reminded Soonyoung of what had happened some few moments ago. 

"Chaerim invited me to her birthday." (y/n) smiled at this, nodding her head at his words. 

"Yeah, it's coming up in just a few days. It's just going to be a little get together with Jihyo, Seokmin, and I. Maybe some of the guys, but who knows. We'd love to have you over." 

"I'd love to attend. So this is me RSVPing for that." 

"I'll be sure to write your name on the list of attendees." They shared another laugh together.

Soonyoung couldn't believe how light it felt to be with her today. That agonizingly taxing weight which once lingered over him in her presence now all but dissipated. He couldn't tell what had happened, but God he'd be lying if he said he wasn't eternally grateful for such a turn of events.

The glee in this revelation remained with him as he drove home, and also as he ate all of the hangover soup, changing his mind about sharing with Seokmin, keeping (y/n)'s gift all to himself. 

"Bullshit!" Chan shouted, already whipping his hand out towards the messily strewn pile of cards at the center of the table. Flipping over the first two of the pile revealed an ace and a ten—not the two aces that Jeonghan had initially declared. 

The man groaned to himself as he dragged the entire pile over, causing Chan to victoriously raise his arms up in the air. Beside him, Mingyu patted his back while Seokmin hyped him up, the two sporting encouraging smiles for the youngest's achievement. With a new round starting, Soonyoung grabbed two from his hand and placed them at the now barren center. 

"Two aces," he announced, leaning back and refusing to meet anyone's perceptive stare. No matter how drunk they got, they somehow always remained vigilant when it came down to Bullshit. 

"One two," Wonwoo muttered afterwards, dropping a card into the newly accumulating pile. 

"Two threes," Jihoon leant forward to join with his addition, leaning back seconds after and absentmindedly reorganizing the cards in his hand currently, unaware of the six other men staring at him in disbelief. 

"Um… Bullshit?" Seokmin mumbled confusedly, causing Jihoon to finally peek over and see that the two supposed threes he'd dropped were instead face up, revealing instead a three and a nine. 

"No– Wait– Don't look at that." He dove forward to retrieve his cards, but he knew it was too late as the lot all erupted into laughter, shouting out Jihoon's slip up and pushing the slim pile over to him. "I hate this game. Why are we even playing this game? I don't want to play this game. Let's play Uno." 

"Like that's any less ruthless," Jeonghan grumbled, brandishing his hand which made up a good chunk of the 52 count deck of theirs. Jihoon took another swig of his beer, irate at the turn of events.

"Someone better win soon then, or I'm leaving the party early." 

"Don't worry," Chan stood to his feet, chair scraping back as he assumed a heroic pose. He raised his hand up, a single card resting between his two fingers. "I've got that covered." He gently placed the card at the center of the table, his voice just as soft as he announced. "One four."

Vernon glanced down at his cards, brow raising as he glanced from his hand to Chan. His mouth had momentarily opened, but before he could call the boy out on his fib, Jihoon all but tossed his cards ceremoniously onto the table, clapping and monotonously cheering for the winner of the game. 

"Hooray, good job. Seokmin, get your Uno." 

As the new game was starting, Seokmin dealing out everyone's seven cards, Soonyoung's phone buzzed against his lap. With one last tentative sip of his drink, not wanting to go through another terrible hangover so soon, he pulled out his phone under the table. Almost immediately, his expression brightened, putting down his drink and scooting out from the table. 

"Excuse me, I have to take this," he quickly stated, shuffling away from the rowdy bunch and into the hall. The noise was muted some here, just enough that he could probably talk peacefully on the phone, though if not, Seokmin's bedroom door was right there next to him. With one last sigh, he swiped on the incoming call, voice unexpectedly wavering as he answered. "Hello?"

"Soonie!" The familiar shrill voice of Chaerim momentarily surprised him, though his shock washed away rather quickly. 

"Hello, sunshine! How are you?" Soonyoung already found himself slipping into the aforementioned bedroom, knowing his voice would carry over to where the others resided. 

"I'm good!"

With the formalities over and out of the way, she began spewing out near nonsense supposedly telling Soonyoung about her day from what he could decipher. He hummed affirmatively and responded when need be, though for the most part just sat there with a dopey smile as the little girl continued on with her speech. From beyond her voice, Soonyoung could hear (y/n) in the background, giggling to herself as Chaerim talked, and it had Soonyoung biting his lip, his cheeks aching with the sheer breadth of his grin. 

"Soonie, you didn't pick me up today," she noted randomly. 

"I know, sweet pea, it's the weekend. Don't you want to spend time with your mommy?" 

"No, I'm okay." Soonyoung laughed as (y/n) whined at her daughter's quick dismissal of her, even more so when (y/n) began seemingly wrestling the child for the phone back. "No! I want Soonie! No!" 

"You're quickly losing Soonie privileges, Chae." (y/n) warned, voice authoritative, yet nevertheless carrying a jesting undertone.

"Soonie, she's so mean to me. Where are you? Why aren't you here?" 

"I'm at Uncle Seokmin's house."

"I want to go to Uncle Seokmin's house. I want to be with Soonie." His heart felt so incredibly full, his hand clenching over where the organ was beating. She was too precious for this world, he thought. If he hadn't already had a drink or two, he'd be driving over to the apartment to reunite with Chaerim right then and there. Though with some forced restraint, he tethered himself back to reality, pouting at his newfound maturity. 

"I can't, Soonie isn't feeling very well right now." 

"Oh no! Why are you sick?"

"I drank some… icky water… and now I'm too weak to drive over to you." 

"Soonie, don't die." Her voice was suddenly so terribly sad, and Soonyoung immediately regretted his words. 

"No, I'm just feeling a little sick! I'm not big sick!"

"The icky water made Soonie's tummy hurt. You know how tummy aches feel, right?" (y/n) began explaining, earning a sound of acknowledgement from the little girl who quickly returned to the phone. 

"Soonie, it's okay, I get tummy aches, too. It's okay, it's okay." 

"Thank you, sweetie. I'll be sure to feel better before your birthday." 

He could hear (y/n) whispering to Chaerim, her voice quiet as she told Chaerim to say goodnight to him. 

"Goodnight, Soonie! I can't wait to see you on my birthday! I miss you!"

"I miss you, too."

"I love you." 

If his heart had felt full before, it was practically overflowing now, that overabundance of warmth now seeping into his stomach, gripping him with its comfort and bringing a flush to his face. 

"I love you, too, sunshine." 

There was some commotion on the other line, the two quietly speaking to each other, though now Soonyoung couldn't really decipher it. He just sat there, permanent smile on his face, still reeling over Chaerim's farewell. It felt nice. To be loved by this little girl that he had already accepted he loved back with all of his heart. It felt gratifying, that of all people, Chaerim came to love him. 

"Hey," (y/n)'s voice sounded from the phone. 

"Hi." He found himself looking down at the floor, socked feet fiddling with the carpet beneath him, brushing it back and forth and toying with the opposing shades it created.

After a little over a week, it still felt so surreal to hear (y/n) again. To be near her. To be able to actually talk to her. As if his six year drought had come to an end with her monsoon-like return. As if she brought life back to his otherwise desolate form. He felt more alive these last few days than he has in the half decade he's been away. He was beginning to feel concerned for himself, because he honestly couldn't even remember the past six years he's been gone, all of it like a numbing fever dream where he'd survived on autopilot alone.

But now he was present. He felt himself again. He felt like a human being. As dependent as it may sound, (y/n) made him who he was, and he was nothing without her. 

"Sorry about that. She refused to go to sleep until she saw Soonie today." 

"I don't mind. It did feel weird today not seeing her." 

"You spoil her too much. She still refuses to let go of her manta ray stuffed animal since you got it for her at the aquarium." Soonyoung chuckled at this, remembering that day fondly. 

"That's surprising, considering she was terrified to even approach the stingray petting area." (y/n) laughed, remembering the picture Soonyoung sent her of him smiling at the camera while Chaerim was red faced and crying next to the said animal petting area. 

"Says the guy who had to be protected by that same little girl when you both went to the circus."

"Hey." Soonyoung's quick interjection had (y/n) bursting into another fit of giggles. "Those clowns were terrifying. She was a brave soul that day. I wouldn't have come out alive." 

"Of course, I understand."

"Well, we'll see who's talking when we take you to an amusement park for the rollercoasters." She gasped at his threat, her voice dropping into a pained whisper soon after. 

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would, you know I would." 

"I'm being abused by both my daughter and you, I can't handle this." 

His heart felt light, soaring about frivolously without a care in the world. This dark mass which once clung to it had slowly but surely faded away, taking with it the dense murkiness it once obscured Soonyoung's life with. Those butterflies in his stomach fluttered with it, joyous and abundant after their long hibernation, dormant until (y/n) had come back into the picture. 

Her voice spoke to him like a lullaby, soft and tranquil as she chatted faintly, words light and breathy and weaving together into incoherency, though he didn't really mind, reminded of the days they'd do just this until they passed out. 

"(y/n), you're tired," Soonyoung uttered, to which she hummed in consideration. 

"I am."

"You should go to sleep." There was an ache in his heart, sending her off so early, though he couldn't keep her to himself all night. She was busy, and sleep was practically a rare commodity to her. 

Silence settled over the two, with only the grainy feedback of the phone call to occupy them, yet Soonyoung still found it to be comforting merely knowing she was on the other line. He'd probably stay on the phone with her all night like this if he could, but he really should let her go. 

"I don't want to." Her response was low, a whisper into the phone, as if having uttered something she shouldn't have. His breath stuttered, body stiffening while his heart seized in on itself, thudding against his chest to the point that it almost ached. And with the undeniable warmth coursing through his veins at the moment, he couldn't help but grin to himself, clutching the phone tighter in his hand.

"I don't want you to either."

She hummed appreciatively at this, a content thrum against his ear, and for a moment, he was beside her. He was laying there, her hair fanning out against her pillow, eyes slid shut with the faintest trace of a smile gracing her lips. He could feel her breath against his skin, her presence like an otherworldly comfort. He could hear her breathing growing steadier by the minute as they basked in the silence. Telltale sign of her drifting off. And the thought seemed to come to him naturally, like an old record that still played the same tune as he began rambling. 

"The guys are playing Uno in the other room. We were playing BS, but Jihoon lost his patience a bit." He heard a slight chuckle on her side, though one that hadn't deterred her already tired state. "I'm pretty sure he's still losing his patience. Uno is much worse than BS. I'll text you the details tomorrow once I go out there again later." He leant back, laying flat on Seokmin's bed with his phone still pressed to his cheek. "I already got Chaerim her gift. I don't know if I should tell you. I think you'll get mad at me. But Chaerim will like it at least. I know she will."

He paused for a moment, thoughts still whirling in his head. He chuckled to himself thinking about his gift, the mental image of Chaerim using it already playing in his head.

Chaerim. 

"I really did miss my little sunshine today. I know we've hung out everyday, but it still feels lonely without her. On the bright side, I already know where I'm taking her next. I think she'd like the ice skating rink. The one we used to go to."

Memories came to him. Memories of that very rink. Of his friends and him all busting their ass more than once. Jun clinging to the plexiglass paneling on the rink's perimeter. Jihoon teetering with his legs and arms spread out as far as possible. Chan accidentally learning to skate backwards first. Soonyoung struggling to grasp the concept of ice skating, clinging to (y/n) like his life depended on it. Really, it did. And she'd just laugh and let him hold her, his arms wrapped around her body with his head resting on her shoulders, and she'd skate them around while Soonyoung just cradled her to him. 

He hasn't skated in years. Not since (y/n). He didn't even realize this until this very moment. 

"Maybe I should hold out on the skating rink for another day. I don't think I can actually skate. I never really learned." He pursed his lips, blinking back his sadness. "I never learned because once I did, it would mean I wouldn't need you anymore. I wouldn't be able to hold you like I did. It would've just taken away one of the ways I showed my love to you." The blinking was becoming redundant as he felt his eyes begin to burn with unshed tears. "But it was kinda pointless in the end since I was the one that took away our love. Since I was the one that gave up." 

He scoffed as he felt the first tear slip by, as if he even deserved to cry at this point. Though once the second and the third slipped by, that indignant irritation disappeared, leaving behind the raw sadness that had been plaguing him for years. He frowned, staring at the popcorn ceiling above him. It looked like (y/n)'s ceiling growing up.

He was reminded of those sleepless nights when she'd jostle him awake, either anxious with her thoughts or scared from a nightmare, and he'd lay awake with her. They'd rest their heads against one another as she talked to him, released her thoughts so they were no longer trapped in her head. And he'd comfort her with words or cuddles. He'd point at the textured ceiling staring down from above them, making constellations and telling her whatever convoluted story he'd make up on the spot. Until she had fallen asleep peacefully to the sound of his voice, a smile on her face as he kissed her goodnight before falling asleep himself. 

Staring up at that very ceiling, the replacement for their city's light polluted sky, only served to make him cry harder. He shook his head at the thought, at his words he'd only just uttered. 

"I gave up our relationship like a fucking idiot," he muttered, voice wrought with emotion, wavering with the tension in his throat. "But I never gave up our love. Never once in my life have I ever stopped loving you. And I never will. Even after you've moved on, I'll still be here, knowing that I lost my soulmate the night I walked away. The night I left you." He bit his lip at the memory, sniffling as softly as he could. From the sound of her breathing, he knew she was asleep, yet he kept going. "That was the most painful thing I've ever had to do. Leaving you was a mistake, but it was just… atrocious of me to leave you alone in my bed like that. I should've done better. I should've said goodbye to you personally like I had wanted to." A sob slipped past his lips for a moment, but he brought his fist up to his mouth, concealing the despair that seeped out of him with every word. "I shouldn't have even left you in the first place."

He moved to wipe his tears, smiling through the pain as he heard the deep steady breaths on the other line, anchoring him back to the present. 

"I love you," he admitted, a laugh following at the end of it. "I love you so much. More than I could ever even try to explain. I love you." His hand flew up to his hair, tugging at the strands as more tears flooded his eyes, that agonized smile stretching further across his face. "I love the way you haven't changed over the years. I love the way you still make me happy. I love how strong and intelligent you are. I love how you still show your love through different means. I love that you made me soup when I was hungover. I love that you wear those pearl earrings I got you everyday. I love how you still fall asleep to my voice. I love Chaerim. I love your little family." Another shaky breath, and the tension which had built up over the course of his confession unraveled, his body going limp, and that smile slackened until it was truly genuine. A genuine, gentle, ever so loving, absolutely enamored smile as he let it all go. As he accepted his flaws. His mistakes from the past. His frenzied emotions. His absolute, undeniable, to the moon sort of love he held for (y/n). "I love you." 

The last few minutes of the call were spent with Soonyoung silently crying, letting out the last shreds of despair wracking his body. Her breathing soothed his tormented heart, reminding him of the constant she was to him. That anchor in his life he so desperately needed, tethering him to her lest he stray wayward once more. He felt that tug once more. That urge to run directly to her. To watch her peaceful form beside him, memorizing every line and every detail of her face, tracing the outlines of her form carefully with his eyes, until he had it all ingrained in his mind where he'd then fall asleep, pressing a kiss to her forehead before drifting off. 

"Goodnight, my love," he muttered, which was all he could do at this point, smiling warmly as he took in the last remnants of her presence before he'd have to leave. "Sweet dreams." 

The game had all but stopped once Soonyoung had come back an hour later with tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes, face red and puffy, all the while attempting to act as nonchalant as possible, as if he hadn't just walked out of the most devastating experience he'd ever encountered. 

"You good?" Chan was the first to break the silence, eyebrow raised in concern at the state of his elder. Soonyoung nodded. 

"Yeah, why?" His voice cracked, as if the cherry on top to this entire fiasco. 

"Who was that on the phone?" Wonwoo was the next to speak, fiddling with the cards in his hands. 

"Oh, it was just (y/n) and Chaerim."

The boys uttered a collective 'ah' in understanding, returning to their game as if nothing had happened. That is except Jihoon, taking another gulp of beer with a sigh followed after. 

"You know what, this is good," Jihoon announced aloud. Jeonghan absentmindedly hummed at him to continue, all the while dropping his card on the pile at the table's center. "Let it all out, talk to each other. So much unresolved tension that's finally getting closure." He pointed to Soonyoung, eyebrows furrowed seriously. "It's about time you two made up."

"He's right," Vernon spoke up, putting his cards face down before him. "You guys… personally founded romance or something. You're our modern day Romeo and Juliet." He placed his hands on his chest, looking around the table for support as he continued. "I was honestly devastated when they broke up. Cause like if they can't work out, what hope do we have?" Chan nodded at this, pursing his lips in understanding. Wonwoo similarly mimicked this, lips downturned as he confirmed Vernon's words. "You need her. She needs you. You both need each other. It just doesn't make sense to have one without the other. You know what I'm saying?" 

"You two were made for each other!" Jihoon cried out passionately, slapping down a draw four and causing Jeonghan's jaw to slacken at his audacity. 

Soonyoung was flustered at all the attention on him, and was ever so grateful when the game returned to its original state before he had intervened. Beside him, Seokmin patted his back, as if knowing Soonyoung was riddled with conflicting thoughts and emotions. Though really it was pretty one dimensional where his stance had settled. 

He loved (y/n). He loved Chaerim. He loved them both. God, he wanted them both. But he's been far too greedy in his life. And at this point, he's willing to take whatever (y/n) was willing to offer him.

Soonyoung knocked on the door excitedly, biting back his smile as he heard Chaerim's familiar holler from within the apartment. A few moments later, the door opened, revealing a smiling Jihyo donning a pink party hat. 

"Hey Soonyoung! Come on–" She stopped talking once she looked down and saw the gigantic box at his feet. It had barely even fit through the door and required both of them cooperating with one another to manage it through. "What the hell did you buy this little girl?" 

"Soonie!" Said little girl came barreling out of a room down the hall, hurdling herself into his arms at full velocity.

"Chaerim!" He yelled back, squeezing her in his arms and twirling her in the air. She erupted into giggles, face squished into his neck as her limbs clung to him desperately. "How's my favorite birthday girl?"

Before she could respond, a delighted gasp brought their attention to her, her eyes now entirely trained on the enormous box behind Jihyo.

"Is that mine?" She asked excitedly, squirming out of Soonyoung's grasp to rush over to the box. It was practically as big as her, and it had Soonyoung giggling to himself as well. Jihyo shook her head, staring at him in disbelief before turning back to Chaerim. 

"Yes, sweetie, Soonie got it for you. You can open it after we blow out your candles." She immediately came bounding back to Soonie, crouched to her height as she hugged the living daylights out of him. 

"Thank you, Soonie." He grinned, hugging her back happily. 

"Of course, sunshine." A few moments passed before (y/n) came strolling out of her room, just as lovely as she always was. Her eyes landed on Soonyoung, and he felt his heart skip multiple beats upon the sudden smile she had on her face. 

"Soonyoung, you came!" He stood up, Chaerim still held by his right arm as he accepted (y/n)'s hug with his left. He felt so full, heart overflowing with adoration and stomach twisting into happy little knots as he surrounded himself with his two favorite girls. Jihyo stood on the sidelines, a contented pout on her face as she watched the scene before her. 

Still wrapped in Soonyoung's hold, (y/n) glanced over to Jihyo. 

"Any news on Seokmin?" 

"Stuck at work," Jihyo regretfully informed, glancing down at her phone as if checking to see if Seokmin had miraculously escaped the clutches of his day job. "But he did invite some of the other guys, so they should be showing up throughout the day."

"Oh, that'll be chaotic," (y/n) snickered, laying her head on Soonyoung's chest in thought. He had no quarrels with this, in a permanent blissed out state as he rocked them all back and forth, lost in his own world. "Should we just have her blow out her candles now so she can play with her toys throughout the day?" (y/n) continued talking as Chaerim had yelled out her agreeance excitedly. "That way she'll have time to play with some toys, and then when one of the boys comes, she can play with the next toy?"

"That sounds like a plan." Jihyo nodded, already in motion as she began setting up the cake.

Soonyoung handled the birthday girl as (y/n) and Chaerim scurried about, delicately placing some candles on the cake, to which Chaerim indignantly commanded there to be more. Once there were about 20 candles scattered across her princess themed cake, Soonyoung placed her down on a barstool placed at the middle island, making his way across the counter to where (y/n) stood. Jihyo sat beside the little girl, slowly lighting up the candles for the ceremony until (y/n) took a sharp intake of breath, turning to face Soonyoung with a shocked expression on her face.

Before he could reciprocate her panic, however, she had already begun fleeing from the kitchen. 

"I forgot the camera!" Her voice faded in the distance as she grew further away, leaving the three of them in the kitchen. Soonyoung averted his gaze from where (y/n) ran off to Chaerim, precariously eyeing her cake with a mischievous glint in her eyes. It brought a smile to his face, watching the few lit candles flicker in the reflection of her dark eyes. 

"You should blow out the candles before wax gets on the cake," Soonyoung suggested, catching Chaerim's eye as she began smiling with him. Before Jihyo could put out the few candles, Chaerim beat her to it, puffing out her cheeks and blowing out the tiny flames in one big breath. Victoriously, she threw her hands up in the air. 

"Yay! I'm turning five!" She hollered aloud, bringing a chuckle out of Jihyo beside her. 

"No, sweetie, you are five. You only say turning when you're going to be that age very soon. Yesterday, you were turning five. Today, you are five. Understand?" 

"No." 

"Okay, well–" Jihyo was cut off by the sudden presence of Soonyoung's hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention over to the suddenly very shaken man. His eyes were shaky, attempting to focus on Jihyo, but struggling to maintain what little restraint he had left in him. 

"She's five?" He asked, voice coming out in a wavering manner through his unsteady breathing. Jihyo looked at him confused for a moment, incredulous at his inquiry, though as quickly as she mentally questioned him, realization had hit her. Realization that Soonyoung had put the puzzle together. 

"Soonyoung–" She started, her tone of voice full of remorse, though she couldn't get much else out as he all but bolted out of the kitchen and down the hall, barging into (y/n)'s room unceremoniously. His head whipped about momentarily until his eyes landed on her emerging from her closet, digital camera in hand. 

"Oh, I found the camera, it's alright–" (y/n) yelped as Soonyoung's hands clamped down on her shoulders, the force of his hold startling her for a second, though not harming her in any manner. As if his only intention was to keep her where she stood. 

"(y/n)," he began, faltering in his speech. She grew concerned for him, hands instinctively reaching up to hold onto his bicep, squeezing him back reassuringly. The motion, at any other moment in time would've called him down. Though right now, it did nothing but remind him of who stood before him. "(y/n), I've asked Jihyo. I've asked Seokmin. I haven't asked you. So I'm only going to ask this once." At this point, (y/n) was slowly understanding the situation at hand, and she could do nothing but quiver at the raw emotion in his eyes. The blaze of unbridled despondency seeping into his dark, lonely gaze. His lips quivered as he took in another breath, nerves shaking with him and almost sending his body into a similar state. "Is Chaerim my daughter?" 

Her mouth had fallen open, and then it closed, and opened again, though no sound came out. Her eyes darted about the room, from the door leading to the hallway, to her bedside table, to the closet behind her. Anywhere but Soonyoung, who couldn't tear his gaze away from her for even a moment, trained on her every minute action, relying on his years of being fluent in (y/n) to lead him to his answer. 

She was scared, that much was obvious. She was attempting to school her expression, a twitch on her lip trying to incite a casual smile to brush him off. A light, humorous scoff being the first sound to leave her lips, and she finally focused her eyes on his mouth. 

"What are you talking about?" She asked, a joking air to her words, a tone that could have potentially fooled others, but Soonyoung could detect the lack of sincerity in her actions. Her fingers twitched where they rested on his arm, squeezing him to calm herself as she continued. "Jihyo and Seokmin have both told you no."

"They have," Soonyoung agreed, dragging (y/n) closer, so close that he was sure she could hear the way his heart beat so violently against his chest, just as terrified of the results of this interrogation as she was. "But you haven't."

That faux curl of her lips had crumbled, bottom lip trembling as her eyes began to well with tears, her body similarly quaking under his touch. Her breathing had picked up, chest rising and falling to an almost concerning rate that Soonyoung had to reposition them, one hand falling down to her back and the other brushing away the strands of hair in her face. She whimpered at the sudden proximity, attempting to curl in on herself and away from Soonyoung's prying eyes. 

"(y/n)," he quietly called out to her, voice now hushed, lowly soothing her as best he could. Her hands had retracted to her chest, fiddling with the material of his shirt as he drew her closer to him, shushing her when silent tears had begun slipping out. At this point, he had his answer. He just needed (y/n) to come to terms with it as well. So he patiently held her, face buried in her hair as he swayed them side to side, rocking her until he felt her breathing even out. 

When he retracted his head to look down at her, he saw her terror filled eyes, widened and focused on the whitewashed wall of her bedroom. Gently, his finger trailed down to her chin, bringing her face to him as he pressed his forehead against hers, noses brushing past one another. When she met his resolute gaze, his eyes like the calm of a dark sea, her panic slowly but surely subsided, his staunch resolve seeping into her own eyes. 

Finally, in the steadiest manner he could muster, Soonyoung breathed out the question once more. 

"Is she my daughter?" A silence settled between the two, (y/n) slowly becoming lost as he stared into her soul, as if he were weaving his way back into her life, tangling the strings she had worked tirelessly to rid herself of, yet she couldn't find it in her to feel repulsed by his invasion at all. Instead, relief momentarily flooded her being. That peaceful understanding and comfort she had always felt in his arms reminding her of who he was. Her defenses had crumbled, and her mouth had fallen agape once more, voice coming out as nothing more than a whisper as she answered him. 

"Yes." 

His first reaction was to laugh. This disbelieving chuckle as he slowly pulled away from her, eyes immediately watering once more. His hands flew to his hair, yanking at the strands as a smile overtook his features. He was ecstatic. He had a daughter. A beautiful, lovely daughter outside waiting for his return. He had a daughter with the girl he promised himself he would one day start a family with. 

(y/n) had slapped a hand over her mouth as Soonyoung separated from her, a loud sob threatening to leave her. At some point, she lost the strength in her legs and collapsed on the edge of her bed, crying into her hand as Soonyoung considered the newfound information. 

He was beyond happy to have Chaerim, though he sat there processing the weight of such a discovery. He had fallen to the ground soon after, on his knees as tears streamed down his face. 

"I have a daughter," he spoke aloud, hands gripping at the carpeting beneath him. "I have a daughter." He crawled over to (y/n), hands shooting up to her face as his thumbs brushed over the tears in her eyes. "(y/n), we have a daughter!" His hands went everywhere, brushing back her hair, smoothing out her shirt, running over the goosebumps on her arms. "We have a daughter…" His head rested on her thighs in between where her hands rested on her lap. "Why am I only just finding out on her fifth birthday? Why have you all been lying to me?"

He sat up again, staring at (y/n), awaiting any sort of response, but she sat there sniffling, quietly sobbing to herself. He didn't know for how long he stared at her before she finally spoke, voice broken and defeated. 

"You left me…" She couldn't meet his gaze, staring down at where he had scooped her hands into his own. The sight brought another wave of sadness through her, having to bite back the fresh tears wanting to be shed. "You left me. I begged you to give me a chance. Give us a chance. And you left me." His thumbs brushed over her wrists, encouraging her to keep talking. "Not only that, but you stopped talking to all of us. I know you felt bad about leaving in the first place. I know you thought it'd be better to just disappear from our lives than make us deal with long distance and time difference, but it was still painful, Soonyoung." He shut his eyes, laying his head back into her lap where she began absentmindedly fiddling with the messy strands of his hair. "And then I found out I was pregnant and… I was terrified. I just…" She stopped, clearing her throat from the dejection riddling her voice. "You chose to follow your dreams. That didn't include Chaerim and I. I didn't want to drag you back into this life you didn't want." 

"Baby, no," he whined, sitting back on his heels and tugging (y/n) down from her bed and onto the floor with him, cradling her weakened body in his arms. "You both are my dream. You're my fantasy. You're the only thing I've ever wanted in life." He pressed his lips wherever he could reach, mumbling between each and every kiss. "I never meant to make you think otherwise. I just wanted you to be happy."

"You make me happy, idiot," she countered, the loudest thing she's said in the past few minutes, startling Soonyoung for a moment. "And I didn't want to tell you this month because… you have that job offer, and Chaerim and I will only be a burden to you."

"(y/n), I couldn't care less about that damn job offer." She pulled away from his shoulder, meeting his unexpectedly passionate gaze, brows furrowed and ever so determined. He squeezed her tighter in his arms. "I have a family right here. Do you understand how…thrilled I am?" Another tear slipped from his eye, though this one was paired with a genuinely warm and blithe grin, a sight that brought a smile of her own to (y/n)'s face, giggling as he pressed his forehead against hers again. "I was already happy to have reunited with you, and to have met Chaerim, but now…" He chuckled, biting his lip a second after to mute the bubbly feeling in his chest. "Now she's my daughter. She's mine." 

His eyes were so incredibly mirthful, shining with unshed tears and unadulterated glee. She couldn't help but to smile at his happiness, pressing her hands against his cheeks and rubbing her nose against his own. The way he hugged her, fingers gripping her as if an extra measure to keep her close to him, reminded them of their youth. Their youth and the love they once held for each other. Their love that hadn't faded. Their love that persisted through time, distance, and every hurdle life has thrown their way. 

"But your degree–" She started, but Soonyoung cut her off immediately. 

"To hell with my degree, (y/n)! Holy shit, I'm a father!" He buried himself into her hair, drawing her even closer to his chest, holding her so closely to where her ear pressed against his torso, right over where his heart beat so rapidly within him. Though hesitant, she wrapped her arms around his body, hugging him back. Giggles and tears and happy sighs left them both, wandering hands squeezing any part of their person they could grab, wanting so much of the other that it almost didn't make sense. "I'm staying."

"What?"

"I'm staying." She pulled away to meet his gaze, so sure and earnest as he nodded at her confused eyes. "I can't leave you again. I physically can't. Even if you don't accept me as your lover anymore, I can't bear to be so far away from you again." Her heart fluttered at his confession, going speechless once more, allowing him to continue on. "Plus, I have Chaerim now. I need to be here for her. I have to make up for lost time." 

"Y-you're staying?" It was the only thing her overwhelmed brain could come up with, not even able to process the heart fluttering and adoring gaze Soonyoung looked at her with.

"I'm staying. I couldn't care less about a job offer or my degree or anything else. None of it matters. I just need you and Chaerim. And I can't believe it took me 6 years to realize this."

Immediately, another sob broke out, and even more tears spilled from her eyes. Tears that Soonyoung swiped away as quickly as they appeared, giggling at her with such loving eyes. Though as she quieted down and he had a moment to his thoughts, he swallowed down the lump in his throat and shut his eyes. 

"I love you, (y/n). So much. So, so fucking much... I'm so sorry for what I've made you go through. I should've been here this entire time. I shouldn't have given up on us. I'm so sorry." He could've said more, but she shook her head at him, cradling his face again, encouraging him to open his eyes and meet hers. 

"I forgive you, Soonyoung." He blinked at her words, eyes darting between her own as if looking for any falsitude in her statement. 

"You do?" He asked. She nodded at him. 

"Just please don't leave me again." 

"I'd never dream of it." 

Her eyes shone with such fondness, grin tugging at the corners of her lips as she stroked back Soonyoung's hair, properly admiring his grown features for the first time since he came back. Something she hadn't granted herself the privilege of doing so before, for fear of falling in love and being abandoned again. Though now she was sure, with that devoted glimmer in his eye and that dumb in love smile stretched on his face, that he truly was staying this time around. 

That's what motivated her to lean forward and press a chaste, yet affectionate kiss to his lips, separating before he could respond to it.

"I love you, too, Soonyoung." A short bout of silence fell between the two, Soonyoung staring at her blankly as she giggled and continued to play with his hair. Though soon enough, he came to his senses, hand cupping her cheek and drawing her into him again for another kiss. A better kiss. One that he poured his entire heart and soul into. One that he hoped conveyed what his words couldn't. How regretful he is. How relieved he is. How absolutely in love he is.

His hand stroked over her face, fingers slipping into her hair as he brought her even closer to him, arm tightening around her waist and pressing her against him. The only thing that stopped their kiss was their smiling, laughs that bubbled out of them both. She continued littering kisses onto him, even more giggles slipping from his mouth. Delighted laughs that filled the room and her heart. He had felt so at ease and so loved that he almost hadn't acknowledged the faint knock at the doorway, the ajar door slowly rolling wider to reveal Chaerim peeking in. 

"Mommy, Aunt Jihyo is asking if you guys are okay." It was the first time Soonyoung was seeing Chaerim since the revelation, but he couldn't have felt happier seeing the girl than right now. Looking at her before him right at this moment felt so obvious. He couldn't believe he even doubted himself. He couldn't believe he went along with Jihyo and Seokmin's words. He couldn't believe he didn't immediately know for a fact that she was his own flesh and blood. 

"Yes, baby, we're okay," (y/n) responded, laying her head against Soonyoung happily. 

Chaerim stood there for a moment more, twiddling with the stray lace of her princess gown as she looked between the two. 

"Does he know the secret?" His heart twisted at her words, looking over to (y/n) with an unreadable expression. A short breath of air expelled from her nose as she nodded. 

"Yes." 

At her mother's words, Chaerim came walking over to him. For the first time since he ever even met her, this was the first sign of hesitance she'd ever displayed—the momentary stingray panic aside. Once she stood in front of him, she extended her hand out, just as she had done when they first met. 

"Hi daddy, my name is Chaerim. I'm 5 years old. My favorite color is yellow. I love you." He felt his heart shatter and rebuild from her words alone, perhaps more than once, because how else could he have reacted to such a sweet and rehearsed statement, as if she had prepared her whole life for this very moment. His lip quivered, something (y/n) didn't miss as she slipped away from his lap, hand softly rubbing his back encouragingly. He cleared his throat and wrapped his hand around her offered one, smiling whilst attempting to mask the sheen of tears coating his eyes. 

"Hi sunshine, it's nice to meet you. I'm your dad." After the quaint handshake, she slowly opened her arms out to him. And the minute he brought her into his arms was the moment every last ounce of his tears spilled, whatever was left from his moment with (y/n) now being used as he hugged his daughter knowingly for the first time. (y/n) sat on the sidelines, though only for a minute before Soonyoung was dragging her into the hug with them, the two girls patting his back soothingly as he wept aloud.

Though he wasn't alone, Jihyo crying as well as she texted Seokmin the details, watching the scene from the safety of the doorway. 

Seungcheol was the first of the boys to arrive, just in time to come across the disaster which had transpired before his arrival.

Chaerim had opened her largest gift, the one given to her by her dad. And to (y/n)'s dismay, it was a large and elaborate tunnel system. Although it was soft and foldable, it was still something she couldn't believe Soonyoung would even consider buying considering the state of their apartment. But Chaerim was happy, crawling through the tubed labyrinth, giggles reverberating off the walls. 

Though the mayhem Seungcheol walked in on was mere moments after Soonyoung wanted to try out his gift as well, and now found himself stuck in one of the tubes. Jihyo and (y/n) attempted to yank him out from the outside, while Chaerim continued her incessant giggling, giving up on pushing Soonyoung from within and was now peppering tiny kisses all over his face. 

Luckily, Seungcheol was the one to free the man out of the tunnel, much to the child's dismay, until he handed her his gift: an easel set with a large notepad for a canvas.

She doodled away as the three of them explained the events that had occurred that day, Seungcheol at first shocked at it all, though nodding in understanding soon after. 

"It makes much more sense than Jihoon's assumption that you went out and found a Soonyoung doppelganger, because that girl is a carbon copy of Soonyoung, I swear." 

Jeonghan wasn't surprised in the slightest once he had arrived, only shocked that it took Soonyoung this long to realize that the lactose intolerant little girl with sharp eyes and round cheeks wasn't his child. 

Joshua, Junhui, and Wonwoo only congratulated the two, Jihoon still defending his doppelganger story, saying it could have been true.

Minghao and Mingyu also similarly did not show much reaction to it, somehow far more preoccupied with the little girl playing with them.

Vernon, Seungkwan, and Chan were perhaps the most interested in the circumstances, questioning how she had kept it a secret from them for so long, how they hadn't figured it out on their own, what she was going to do with Soonyoung now. 

"I guess I'll give him a second chance," she responded, hugging his arm and laying her head on his shoulder. Their hands intertwined, and Soonyoung smiled at the familiar warmth that emanated from her touch, seeping into his skin and sending waves of content satisfaction through him. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach and a blush settled over his cheeks, reminding him that that schoolboy crush he had on (y/n) never left, nor would it ever. 

Seokmin had arrived later on, immediately coming over to congratulate the two, as well as quietly apologize to Soonyoung for hiding his daughter from him. 

"You have to understand, man, I meant no harm. We didn't know your intentions. We needed to protect them, you know?" He muttered quietly, looking around the room as if he were dealing with classified information. "I didn't even know until Jihyo was legit scolding me for bringing you over. You gotta believe me, dude."

"I understand, man, I understand," Soonyoung replied, wrapping an arm around Seokmin and mimicking his overly suspicious mannerisms. Though with the secret out and about, he had to admit that he felt significantly closer to his former best friend, glad to know that his daughter has such an amazing godfather. 

The party soon ended and the boys all flooded out of the apartment. Jihyo was the last to leave after helping (y/n) put Chaerim to sleep. 

"Goodnight, you two!" She waved at the two lovers as she shut the door behind her. Soonyoung had also planned to leave, not wanting to overstay his welcome, but (y/n) continued to hold him in a tight hug, refusing to let go. 

"Stay," she insisted. Soonyoung would have laughed at her clinginess, though he heard the hint of fear in her voice, and he immediately understood the clinginess. 

"Okay, baby, I'll stay." Guilt riddled his body the entire way to bed. He had to keep reassuring her he wasn't going anywhere, keeping a hand on her at all times.

He washed her hair for her, letting her hug him while the warm water of the shower fell down their bodies. He helped her get changed, whispering sweet nothings to her the entire process. He held her hand as they got into bed, and once settled, she had immediately clung to him again, limbs tangling together as she buried her face into his shirt. And Soonyoung could only softly shush her, assure her that he's not going anywhere.

His hands combed through her hair, littering kisses on her forehead, muttering his love for her through soft whispers. Seeing the state she was in had a pit of lament settling at the base of his stomach, grimacing at his past misdeeds, remembering the cruel way he left her with nothing more than a final forlorn kiss. 

"I'm sorry," he spoke, hands momentarily stilling in her locks. "I'm so sorry, (y/n). I could apologize every second of every day for the rest of our lives, but it would never amount to how apologetic I truly feel. How much I regret leaving you." He pressed another reassuring kiss on her skin, a shaky intake of air once he separated from her. "I regret it so much. I regret ever doubting our love and I'll never forgive myself for that." He felt her hand splay out on his chest, right over his heart. "(y/n), you're the only thing I live for. You're the only thing in my life that matters." He paused, quickly reconsidering his words before stuttering out his correction. "You and Chaerim, I mean, but…"

He stopped talking as she laughed softly at his words, pulling away from him so she could actually study his face. He was speechless for a second, reminded of a few days ago during their phone call. How he had wished for this exact moment to come to fruition. To hold her in his arms once more, feel her falling asleep in his hold, watch that peaceful state of hers he could only see at night. When she'd enter deep sleep, the tension of the day washing away, her strong persona, her brave facade, all of those pretenses she put up for the world disappearing. And he was the only person she trusted in such a vulnerable state—and he left her. 

"I'm just… I left you. I was so lost and I thought I could find myself. I thought you didn't deserve someone as lost as I was. It just seemed easier to give you up so you wouldn't have to waste your life with a loser like me… I'm sorry." 

Her eyes twinkled under the moonlight, watching Soonyoung as he fumbled over incessant apologies.

When he had gone silent, she shuffled closer to him, leaning forward to press a kiss to his nose. She smiled when it scrunched, and then she pressed a kiss to his cheek. His jaw. His chin. The corner of his mouth. And then finally a kiss to his lips. A sweet, affectionate kiss. Short and simple, but still enough to leave Soonyoung flustered and motionless. 

"Soonyoung, love, I forgive you."

"I know you say that, but… I just feel like it's not enough. It doesn't make up for what I've done to you. I don't–" Another kiss, though this time, one that Soonyoung reciprocates just as fondly as her. 

"You've already apologized to me countless times." At the sight of his confused face, she grinned. "The first day, when Seokmin brought you to me." Soonyoung nodded at this, though he felt he was too emotional to properly convey his feelings. Plus, he mostly made her cry, so it didn't feel like a valid apology to him. "The night you boys went out drinking." 

"What?" Soonyoung furrowed his brows at this, making (y/n) smile. She brushed back his hair comfortingly, nodding her head in confirmation. 

"2 AM, you called me. Drunk out of your mind, crying and babbling to the point that I could barely understand you." Soonyoung winced at this, quietly groaning to himself as he remembered the night at the bar and how fragmented his memory was. "I laid there listening to you pour out your heart to me." He peeked over from where he wallowed in his own self pity, seeing the tenderness in her expression as she admired him wholeheartedly. "You told me about how much you regretted leaving me. How much it hurt you to leave me behind. The pain you endured throughout those 6 years away. You apologized so much that I had to beg you to calm down." At this, he hid himself again, this time burying his face into his pillow with a loud groan. "And then you said you love me." He felt her fingers tracing images on his arm; circles and stars and hearts. "You said you never stopped loving me. That I was the love of your life, and you'd forever mourn losing me. You probably said I love you just as many times as you apologized, until I myself was crying.

"And then you said… that even if Chaerim wasn't yours, you'd love her as if she were." He peeked out from his pillow to where a bittersweet smile greeted him. "That you love her like you love me. And you wished you had a family like ours. You said we were your happiness. Your dream life that you had always wanted." He pouts at this, realizing his drunk self was probably more articulate than he could ever be when sober. She lifted the arm she had drawn invisible patterns into, nestling herself against him before resting his limb over her.

"And the third time was as I was falling asleep." She had rested her head on his heart again, humming at the soothing rhythm it emanated. "I thought I was dreaming. Hearing the love of my life say such sweet words to me. Such a blissful moment." She sighed dreamily, squeezing his waist in a small hug. "I only realized it was real when I heard my phone beep, indicating you hung up." 

"I'm so sorry, my love, I didn't mean to wake you," he fussed, but she only shushed him. 

"No more apologies." Another kiss to his lips had him going silent, nodding along to her words. With another laugh his way, she curled up against him once more, cozying up in the warmth of her soulmate for the first time in six years. "So yes, I forgive you. I really do." 

"Thank you, (y/n)." She pressed one last kiss on his chest, one right above his heart. Like magic, he felt the wounds which have tormented him for years to come slowly but surely heal, tending to itself as she nurtured his love once more. A sigh of relief puffed out of his lips, one tear slipping from his eye as he savored the exhilarating serenity of the moment. Of being with his beloved again. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

(a/n): welcome to the end of this. if you made it, congratulations! thank you for reading my stuff! i appreciate it greatly! i didn't expect for this to be as big as it wound up being. as of right now, it is the longest fic i have published. im happy with how it came out though. hopefully i have more stories planned for the future! thanks for reading!

#kvanity #k-labels #soonyoung x reader #kwon soonyoung x reader #hoshi x reader #soonyoung fanfiction #kwon soonyoung fanfic #hoshi fanfiction #seventeen x reader #seventeen fanfiction #seventeen fanfic #svt fanfiction #svt x reader #svt fanfic #kpop fanfiction #kpop fanfic #kpop x reader #soonyoung fanfic #soonyoung angst #soonyoung fluff #hoshi angst #hoshi fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen fluff #kwon soonyoung angst #kwon soonyoung fluff

[8-rae-rae-8]

actually hold on i have SO many itty gaz thoughts

-> he regressed between 5-8! on days he’s having a really rough time, he can go as low as 3.

-> has a stuffed koala from when he was a kid names benny!! he has seasonal outfits from build a bear.

-> lots of affection!! hand holding, hugs, etc. he LOVES. he thinks kate’s wife and nik give the best hugs (behind price, who can send kyle dropping with a single one of his dad hugs)

-> picky eater when it comes to texture, and none of his foods can touch. some of his favorite snacks while small and veggies and dip, french fries, and pasta (spaghetti especially). luckily, he and simon’s sensory issues line up when it comes to food so price is able to work with both of them to get dinner done.

-> enjoys playing on the switch price got for the rec room and using toys, but at heart he is an outside child. he needs to find the smoothest rock! make potions! make sure the worms on the pavement are safely in the grass!!

-> re the worm thing: very very empathetic for animals (same). he has a hard time telling what other people are feeling, but he’s in tune with animals.

-> loves the magic treehouse books, either to read alone or read to him at bedtime.

-> i mentioned this in another ask, but kyle has a fear of swallowing pills and the act always makes him feel small and anxious, even when big. price always makes sure they have a sweet juice in the fridge for him to make the meds process even just a little bit easier.

-> always joking that price has a big dad sneeze, cough, laugh. at first price had no idea what the hell a “papa sneeze” was, but he caught on.

-> likes being in the passenger seat when price drives. it always makes him feel super small :^)

I NEED TO SQUISH HIM GENTLY /SILLY -🧪

You ever hear something that feels so right?

Yeah that's me at this ask /silly /pos

ANON IM PUTTING YOUR ASK IN THE HCS LIST <333 then maybe later I'll do my own Gaz hcs 😭

I ADORE THIS

#🧪 #cod agere #kyle gaz garrick #kyle garrick

[sparklingpax]

And now, on this edition of miscellaneous headcanons no one asked for!! 

-(intended to be set in canon, but opinionated so feel free to disagree if you disagree just don’t attack me for it dkjdsksdjk thanks ;w;)

-typos...sorry if you see any...I typed this on my phone

-this is so long. Too long??? y'all I have many thoughts tho 😭 these range from specific little things to wholesome to kinda angst to like... whatever. Lots of things 🥺 I know I didn't talk about everyone.......so

-pls drop in to ask for more of these anytime I enjoy writing these out qwq 

///

-If you didn’t read that one long-ass fic or my (also long-ass) ramble about landiver as a couple, they went to like military academy together and that’s where their whole relationship began....also they never formally met Phoenix but he went to that same academy. Hawk, meanwhile, studied somewhere else...he was kinda always on a fast-track to a higher-level military position so he went to a more “prestigious” school...he aimed to be a captain or some higher rank for a couple reasons, but one of the biggest was so he could prove that a team could be run without the meaningless caste/social class-enforcing regulations and rituals he so much despised. 

-Giga and Mega enjoy when they have quiet nights to curl up and read books together....perhaps also with a glass of wine to accompany this.....Giga dozes off first, always.

-Hydra actually studies other languages for fun; right now he speaks German, and has a decent grip on English, Japanese, and French--he's currently trying to learn Chinese.

-Mega and Giga are really good cooks, and they are responsible for the banquet-type meals the Deceptions have sometimes. They also enjoy it, viewing cooking as a "labor of love" and enjoying the smiles on everyone's faces when they sit for dinner and eat. Now, while they appreciate help in the kitchen....surprisingly only Bullhorn is a decent cook and the least likely to break something (he actually puts effort into cooking/baking, it's a hobby of his)....so Mega finds ways to gently coax Cancer and Wilder out of the kitchen so they don't end up making a mess of things...💀✨

-The only Pretender who perhaps has never been to Cab's treehouse is Phoenix.....he's literally nowhere to be found most days cause of his job 😭 bro is literally gone for half the missions they go on too sjsjjssj

-Phoenix is a nice guy, really. He tries. To hang out when he's around, to remember names and come off as easy-going and funny, to be friendly (which he is), but he himself is a little awkward sometimes, surprisingly more of an introvert...he feels bad about always being busy...the kids (and the other team members) do understand and don't blame him for it, but he thinks about it a lot....after all, the Pretenders all know each other best because of all the ime they spent on their initial mission assignment....So basically, he's always been distant but he's not a distant person, its just his situation in life 😔✨

-The kids introduced Lofi to Hawk and he listens to it a lot while working, it helps him focus quite well.

-Diver never formally got his driver's license...he does know how to drive a car...it just deadass had never crossed his mind and then when it did..............he'd just forget 💀 Lander is usually glad to give him a ride in his vehicle mode tho, and on occasion, he'll be driving if he has to...just hoping in the back of his mind he doesnt get stopped or something

-Oh yea and those two hang out in each other's rooms in HQ all the time....on the whole, Diver goes to Lander's room more often tho (I believe there was an episode where they were in this room-looking space looking at the news together and I will die on the hill that was one of their rooms in HQ)

-After coming together with the other Godmasters, Roadking found a new hobby in poking fun at Ginrai and Ginrai would always have good comebacks; I mean come ON theyre both 19 and definitely have similar personalities, they most certainly argue and have a mild (friendly) rivalry (nothing serious, all /lh if you know what I mean 😌)

-Ranger is the chillest dude. He and Diver get along v well, and he is always amused to watch Diver and Lander go at it in one of their (ultimately pointless) discussions about motivations of characters in a movie they just watched or why there was a billboard with a misspelling in the slogan line on the road the other day.

-Lightfoot unironically really likes classical music over any other kind of music, and I say unironically because Roadking and the kids thought he was joking

-I swear I've mentioned this before but Ginrai regularly goes on non-work-related drives in his truck; he always did ever since he started working his trucker job, and still enjoys it, especially at night. And, now that he has a virtually indestructible transtector for a truck...he's got no worries. Hawk tags along when he's not swamped with work...they very much enjoy the time together, sharing music and sometimes stopping at random places on the side of the road for one reason or another.

-On a similar note, Wilder likes walks on the beach by himself. He has a lot of stuff to think about and gets pretty frustrated pretty fast so...it does him good to have the silence and alone time.

-Lander initially used to not need glasses but then over time (after he added glasses to his human disguise) because his human form wore the (random) pair for so long, he found his human body's vision deteriorating to the point where he finally dragged himself over to an optometrist one day for a formal appointment, where he ended up getting the right prescription...and all was right with the world

-Ginrai plays with the straps of his overall things when he's nervous/jittery.

-Buster is a coffee-enjoyer (like 1-2 cups a day, actually--) meanwhile, Hydra is a tea guy, like Giga. Mega will drink either, she has no preference.

-All the Pretenders have taken the kids out for some kind of training exercise at least once, but they've gone with Diver the most.

-Due to his previous occupation & personal interest (as a hobby), Ranger knows how to deal with & ride horses. He tried to teach both Ginrai and Roadking (initially it was just Ginrai but Roadking chimed in wanting to do it as well; Lightfoot is already something of a horseback rider himself, so he offered to tag along for fun) how to ride horses.........once. never again 😀

-nearly every single (human) character on both sides has some form of social media. And yes, they do congregate on Twitter for the most part (I have so many thoughts about this but I'll leave it at this for now)

-Lander has been known to make drunken tweets at odd hours of the morning and then when he's sober again....he really only feels like deleting the most heinous ones. He doesn't really care what he posts, especially cause he has all work-related contacts blocked on that account so...he's got no worries.

-Shuta's motorcycle-lookin bike thing is actually a regular motorbike turned into something way cooler as a whole separate job-related project by his father years ago...Shuta just started using it for himself one day and no one seemed to notice...so he kept going out with it.

-Sometimes, when he's working, Lander ties his hair back, especially when it gets longer (before he gets it trimmed)--he puts it in a ponytail so it doesn't distract him. (Sometimes he leaves it in and doesn't realize; Diver thinks it's cute)

-The Pretenders, while in their human bodies, do have stuff like heightened immune systems, quicker healing from physical wounds, ability to take higher levels of alcohol and such with little to no problems, etc......but they still have human bodies.....so it's not impossible they (and it does happen) get sick, break bones/sustain different kinds of injuries, get drunk, become generally physically exhausted, etc....like with food/drink, they can go way longer than the normal human without it, but at some point they'd need to eat something or they'd starve in their human form (just as Cybertronians need to refuel and stuff)........so......anyway......on the mild tangential connection to the topic of getting drunk......it is a mystery to all of them how bad Hawk is at holding alcohol...of all of them, he gets drunk the fastest, both in his Cybertronian and human body--whether it's energon or human wine, Hawk has a 95% chance of getting tipsy off even just the first glass....hence he is careful with how much he consumes...most times.

-Clouder is that one guy that will make multiple extra accounts to mess with someone. He has done this actually. No one wants to add him on discord servers as a 'friend' because they just feel the weird vibes his main account gives,,,

-The Deception HM Jrs would have been voted "best friendship trio" in their senior year of highschool superlatives contest had they actually gone to school instead of what they ended up doing (based on a real entry in my own highschool's superlatives contest btw haha)

-Lander drinks....a lot.....he has a lot of heavy thoughts. Especially after Shuta's dad died...he harbors a lot of private guilt about that. Diver, beneath much of their daily back and forth teasing, is always watching for signs anything is getting worse with Lander, and is always silently there for him in that regard. They often go drinking together so Diver can just make sure nothing happens to Lander. Lander knows this, and lets him...he trusts Diver, and they understand without needing even to discuss it; Diver's presence gives him confidence to gradually learn to pull himself out of these frequent ruts, and over time, he found his way back to enjoying drinking rather than using it as a way to attempt to forget the past. Diver was there the whole way for it :]

-Ginrai will not eat natto.

-As a Nagano native, Ginrai has absolutely taken members of the team to his hometown and the surrounding areas for sightseeing and other things :3 Also, Nagano is known for its awesome apples! (A/n: Actually real; I was there and learned about that/ate some apple treats....which were literally so good 🤤) so Ginrai is very fond of apples in general, always has been ^^

-Cancer and Browning are a KNOWN prankster duo 😎 (their victims are often the Decepticon Pretenders, mainly because those three STILL haven't figured out the pranking duo is Cancer and Browning, they just Know that Someone Out There is Up to something 🧐 this lack of awareness is the same reason neither Giga nor Mega intend to intervene either 💀)

-'King Poseidon' has no hobbies or passtimes, the Seacons just Rage wherever they are until they have to fight next...that's why King Poseidon is so fucking Mad

-while its true that Dauros was plotting some kind of usurpation of Blood as the trio's (unofficial) leader, he actually gave up because upon later thought....what was the point? It was just the three of them? So...he conceded to just let Blood do whatever and instead just be snarky with him. Gilmer is like a third wheel to this conflict, with no actual opinion on this at any point. He's just there to manically laugh alongside them while they carry out their Evil Plans™

-Hawk kinda has kitten sneezes (canon 💀😭)

-Diver actually doesn't like heights much....but you wouldn't be able to tell because he does his best to bear through it, especially during missions....it also helps when the distance from the ground below is not visible, so like "out of sight out of mind" sorta thing....but yea it makes him uneasy and (somewhat uncharictaristically) tense when heights come into play. Of course, it also helps a lot when Lander's there...he just focuses on the presence of someone who isn't afraid and that helps him not be as afraid of it for that moment

-You'd think Lightfoot doesn't have any interest in being any kind of jokester, but he's actually a serial pun-maker. Do not get him started, he will not stop, and he'll do it with a somewhat neutral expression too, which makes it funnier for the others 💀

-Bullhorn sometimes puts Cancer on his shoulders if they're in some kind of a crowd and the boy can't see, since Wilder and Bullhorn are tall enough to usually get a good view, but Cancer is usually not.

-Phoenix is the one monitoring airwaves the most (it's partially his actual dayjob to do something similar, so he does both that and work for the Autoboy team most days/nights); as such, he kept contact with the Headmasters quite often for a while...then they stopped sending transmissions...he hasn't completely lost contact with them but it's reduced only to emergency transmissions now....he misses the random conversations they'd have with him.

-Roadking really likes EDM, dance, Phonk, etc.

#headcanons #super god masterforce #masterforce moment òwó 🥺💖✨ #masterforce #transformers #tf #kuni talks #shuta #cab #minerva #hawk #ginrai #roadking #lightfoot #ranger #clouder #giga #mega #blood #dauros #gilmer #hydra #buster #wilder #bullhorn #cancer #diver #lander #Phoenix #praying i didnt leave someone out oh im so tired absjdjssjdj ok bye enjoy (i hope

[warmau]

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au jaehyun exactly on time for the valentine boy! ........well....... find others here: johnny | haechan | taeil | taeyong | mark | jaemin | yangyang | yuta | sicheng | chenle | kun | yukhei | doyoung

how you end up here, you don’t know, but you blame johnny suh because when things get weird it’s usually his fault anyway

johnny’s smile is a thousand and one watts - he reaches out to pass you the beat up guitar case and again, you don’t even take it by choice, it’s nudged into your hands before you can really even say a word

“im not joining your band.”

“it’s not mine - it’s ours.”

jungwoo twirls a drum stick between his fingers and grins from his spot on the garage couch

“no johnny - we all know it’s yours.”

your lips thin and the only reason you don’t fling the case to the floor is because you actually like the guitar that’s inside. 

granted you haven’t seen it since middle school and it probably still has that horrible sticker on the back of it that you remember picking at until all the little pieces you got off were uncomfortably stuck under your nails.

“guys - it’s summer. we have nothing better to do.”

“says you, i got an engineering internship at samsung.” 

jungwoo chirps again and you try not to roll your eyes

we all know about the damn samsung internship dude.

“yeah - and i have to work at the family bookstore.”

mark lee walks in, holding as many redbulls as he can fit between his elbows, they spill out and onto the space beside jungwoo

you listen to mark open one and johnny groan

“ok you all have something to do, but we-” he motions behind him at you “don’t have anything to save us from the boredom that is about to take up two months of our youthful lives!”

“hey-”

you cut in and all three sets of eyes focus on you

“i have something i want to do this summer.”

johnny’s long figure straightens in anticipation while jungwoo cocks an eyebrow and mark gives you an encouraging smile

“im not going to tell you what it is, but it’s definitely not starting a band with you guys.”

you lean the guitar case against a nearby wall and add a half-hearted shrug

“sorry.”

the walk from johnny’s house to yours isn’t long, it takes about fifteen minutes if you’re really going slow. 

plus you’ve done it so many times, you basically set your body to autopilot.

you think about it - the thing you want to do this summer before you go away for university and home becomes a new place and a memory at the same time.

you’re not known for being sentimental, johnny has even gone so far as to label you as a bit ‘apathetic’ . but still you know this is your last chance to really enjoy the place you grew up in.

you turn the corner at the street that leads down to where you live and in the hot evening air you hear something

it’s the sound of a bike, the pedaling is light but the frame must be old because it creaks a little when it slows down slightly to maneuver to the left and pass you.

you look up and see a boy

brown hair still wet from the pool or a shower maybe, dimples at the corners of his smile, the two sizes too big white shirt fluttering behind him in the breeze

for what seems like longer than a second - you lock eyes - his match the color of autumn leaves and teddy bear fur 

and for some weird reason can’t stop thinking about them even well after you get back home

is he new in town? i’ve never seen him before?

finally managing to shake off the curiosity, you fish the shoebox you’ve been keeping under your bed out and open it.

inside there’s only three things so far: 

a copy of your graduation photo, a copy of johnny’s graduation photo, and the prom invite ticket that has jungwoo’s chicken scrawl on the back (he was technically your date, because johnny got proportioned by half the seniors and mark was too nervous to ask if you’d take him)

this is what you were talking about. this is what you want to spend summer doing.

you want to spend it remembering, gathering fragments of your life so far in your hometown with your bestfriends, so that when you move on you have a tangible piece of the memories

the reason you were keeping it a secret though was because.....even you had to admit.......this was a little much 

and you had built yourself a little bit of a hard shell so imagining telling the people you knew that this was your summer plan 

well, you could already hear johnny’s voice saying something like ‘hey, this isn’t a hallmark movie you sap and facetime exists. do you think im not gonna call you at 3 am from across the country like i do now anyway?’ 

you close the box and tap your fingers on the top.

tomorrow, i’ll start visiting all the important places.

your phone pings and it sound echoes through the otherwise empty library. 

a harsh shushing sound comes from the front desk and you quickly answer it, sliding down against one of the bookcases

you’d come here to see if you could find that old series you loved as a kid, the magic treehouse, it’s the books you and johnny fought over when you first met each other years ago

you abandon that though because poor mark sounds like he’s having a panic attack over the phone

“hey, you need to get over here - johnny is holding auditions for a guitarist since you said you didn’t want to do the band”

“ok, so what? it’s just auditions?”

mark’s pleading gets louder, “it’s auditions with JOHNNY - he thinks this is eurovision or something i don’t know please i can’t reign him in and jungwoo’s at his internship - i am dying here!”

you sigh, making it long so mark knows how annoyed you are

“put him on.”

mark’s voice drowns and johnny takes the phone from him

“what did i say with conspiring with them? we are shunning them for quitting on the band! what do you mean you had no other options? what do you mean my egomania is coming out? - anyway hey whats up?”

“stop torturing mark and all the poor kids that showed up to audition.”

“first of all, im not torturing anyone. that would be illegal and distasteful, im just giving my constructive criticism. second of all, if you want to give orders like that then let’s make this a fare trade off. come over and help me judge - i mean hold the auditions and then i will cease my so called ‘torturing’ ala my ‘criticizing’.”

you huff - fine, it’s one day out of the whole summer.

“ok. but you better have snacks.”

“do you think i wouldn’t provide refreshments? what kind of monster do you think i am?”

there’s more people than you expect showing up to audition for this band. half of them are just there to sweet talk johnny or mark,  but the others are all just. bad. 

you never knew how bad someone butcher playing an instrument, let alone a guitar, but you’ve had that eye opening experience today

“how many people left?”

you mutter, face first into your palms and looking up with happiness when mark says only one!

“hey, im jung jaehyun.”

you turn and see the boy from the bike, the one with the softest eyes you’ve ever seen, standing in the entry to johnny’s garage

he’s carrying his own guitar case - black leather and well worn but loved

“well jaehyun dude, i hope you can at least play the damn thing because i feel like no one in this town can!”

johnny groans and you straighten up a little as jaehyun comes closer

he sets himself up and you feel something inside your stomach turn when he bends down and you see a bit of the tanned skin of his back

“im not amazing, but i can play some of the classics.”

“wonderwall?” mark asks and johnny snips at him as you try to think of something to say, but suddenly....your brain is fuzzy

“play anything!” 

so jaehyun does, he plays, and he even sings and the fuzziness in your brain turns to white noise and the little drop in your stomach is a whole bundle of butterflies

you barely realize the johnny is already befriending jaehyun and mark is staring at him with those big, impressed eyes

when you get up and jaehyun smiles at you

“so what do you play?”

johnny throws an arm around your shoulder older brother style and rolls his eyes before you get a word in

“you’re actually taking their spot because they’re too busy to be in the band.”

something seems to cast a sad shadow over jaehyun’s features - “oh, you’re not going to play with us?”

words float through your head, none of which you can grasp onto, so you just shake it instead and let johnny ramble on about your so called betrayal

you look at your phone and of course it’s nearing ten and there’s no way you can go to any of the other places on your list so you motion to mark that you’re going to head home

“oh - i have to go too.”

jaehyun slings his guitar case over his shoulder, “but ill come by tomorrow for practice?”

johnny shoots him a big grin and then haggles all the social media jaehyun has out of him

you don’t know why you just don’t start walking - but somehow you end up leaving with jaehyun, making that left turn where you first passed each other

“do you live on this street?”

you jump a little as you nod, “yeah - i think i actually saw you yesterday. you were on your bike so you probably didn’t notice me.”

there’s a polite distance between you two, but jaehyun is smiling when he answers

“oh no, i definitely noticed you.”

you end up thinking about those words the same way you couldn’t stop thinking about his eyes 

except this time, instead of it lasting a day, the thought lasts nearly two and a half weeks

it seems jaehyun is doing a good job fitting in with your friends, considering you don’t get anymore calls from mark 

and you actually start to make progress on your summer project

you manage to get some ticket stubs from old movies, an old science project you did that’s still hanging on the walls of the highschool (open for summer classes), and pressed flowers from ontop of a hill where you almost break your elbow back when you were a freshman

you’re plunging yourself into your past, but weirdly enough every now and then you’ll remember that 

oh no, i definitely noticed you

the six little words make you feel giddier than whatever memento you’re seeking out to tuck into your shoebox

you try to tell yourself it’s just because jaehyun is new - he’s new and the memory of him isn’t old enough to try and find anything to represent him by 

and he kind of represents everything you’re nervous about - new places, new people, new friendships ...... the prospect of a new love

love? 

you look up at the sky as you swing back and forth on the playground you’ve come to collect something from for your memory box 

that’s ridiculous. i’ve had one conversation with him!

you swing your legs back and forth, slowing down and you think twice about jumping off when suddenly you feels someone gently push your back

the swing goes a little higher and you turn your head in surprise to see

“j-jaehyun?”

he smiles and his dimples greet you before he does

“i saw you on my way back from johnny’s.”

he gives you another soft push and you hear that fuzzy noise that always turns the gears in your brain when you try to say something around him

“is - is johnny being nice?”

is all you can muster and jaehyun laughs, the sound melodic but low, just the way the baritone of his voice is when he sang

“very nice, but he is a lot to handle sometimes.”

you kick your legs down and dig your heels into the grass a little, jaehyun grabs the two chains of the swings to help you stop it

when you turn you notice his bike is laying a couple of feet away and so is his guitar

“what about the band stuff?”

“johnny is trying to write songs and stuff, but actually mark is the one that i think has the talent for it.”

you can’t help but feel the corner of your mouth lift up a little, he already knows the two of them pretty well.

“what about you - do you write songs or music?”

jaehyun lifts his bike back up and you take the guitar case to help him

before you know it - you and him are walking side by side again 

“a little, but it’s more about playing the guitar for me. that’s the part that makes me happy.”

you play with your fingers behind your back, old nervous habits rising to the surface

“by the way - why did you not want to be part of the band? johnny said you were busy with something but you didn’t say what.”

you stop 

i should lie, make something up.

jaehyun stops too and the sounds of the bike wheels and footsteps float off into the air

but for some reason, i don’t want to lie. not to him.

“im......leaving after the summer, going to school in another place. so im spending my summer kind of.....im kind of cataloging this place. this town. i’m doing the whole put your memories in a shoebox thing which is so-”

“awesome! i think it’s awesome that you want a part of your home with you, sometimes people are way too excited to get away from their roots.”

you look at jaehyun, who returns the look with a comforting warmth you’ve never experienced before.

it’s a different comfort than the one you get from your friends or your family, it makes your heart beat flutter - slow for a second, then so fast you think your body can’t keep up

he starts walking again and you do too

the silence isn’t weird. it’s a conversation in it’s own way between your two bodies.

when you get to your house - you look at jaehyun again and you have two thoughts

one is that you should kiss him. because he looks so.....kissable.

the second, the one you ultimately choose, is to widen your eyes and go:

“promise you won’t tell the others about it though, they would not let me live it down.”

jaehyun laughs and hooks his pinkie with yours - his skin soft under the setting sun - “i promise.”

and after being caught up in thinking about jaehyun’s eyes, or the way he speaks, you find yourself in the same repeating cycle again

this time. it’s your regret. 

you should have chose option one, because it’s looking like another opportunity to kiss jung jaehyun is not coming any time soon.

and like the two times before, you throw yourself into your summer project to try and not think about it 

(although you do, multiple times throughout the day, at one point blushing at the image of what could have happened if you DID kiss him and then getting snapped at by the angry man at the local deli)

another couple of weeks pass and you swing by johnny’s because it’s a location on your summer memory list and also....

you are curious about how the band is going ...

and you kind of a little want to see jaehyun again......

you arrive and hear jungwoo’s voice to your surprise, followed by the sound of drums and johnny’s sharp “stop, stop, STOP!”

“jungwoo, what is going on - did working at samsung make you into a robot who can only produce code and not drum to save his life?”

“what do you know about drumming johnny? or coding? or anything in general?”

“hey watch the attitude, you’re embarrassing me in front of jaehyun.”

jungwoo snorts and you try to hide your own laugh but everyone turns to you just in time for you to hiccup it back

“ah - the traitor is here!” 

johnny sings and jaehyun gives him a soft elbow to the ribs

“what’s up?” 

mark smiles from his place at the keyboard and you cross your arms

“nothing, hows it going - book any shows? write an album yet?”

“actually, we did book a gig for your information”

johnny waltz his way from the microphone and to a stack of flyers from his couch

he hands you one and this time you do burst out into laughter

the flyer, pink and way over the top, is an invitation to johnny’s end of the summer party

well it’s actually his going away party his parents have planned for him, since he’s also leaving for school

“johnny - you didn’t book a gig. you’re playing your own party.”

“the parents are shelling out twenty dollars to each of us so money makes it a gig.”

you look at jaehyun who secretly rolls his eyes

“sure, sure. can i keep one of these?” 

you fold the flyer and slip it into your pocket, this will make a good addition to the shoebox

“oh are you going to put it in-”

jaehyun starts and you rush over, hand flying over his mouth as the three other people in the garage stare

“going to put it in......the trash. yes. going to throw it right out because really johnny did you use paint-”

johnny flips you off in the kindest, best friend way possible

you let go of jaehyun and throw him a look that he mouths an apology too

somehow, instead of leaving, you end up staying and listening to them practice

you consider it a break from your project and the day is filled with what you’d expect from all of them, laughter and jokes and banter that is only ok between the closest of people

when they finally finish practice and jungwoo and mark accept a gracious ride home from mr. suh 

you say you’ll be off too and jaehyun trots up right behind you, “ill walk with you.”

this time, you hear less of the fuzz in your head and can actually keep up a decent conversation without staring at jaehyun’s lips

you feel closer because of the time you spent today and you almost walk past your house until jaehyun points to the porch

“oh by the way. can i see what you have in the shoebox?”

you look over your shoulder at him, “like right now?”

he gives a casual shrug

“is that ok?”

and now jung jaehyun is standing in your room. well he’s standing in it and then he’s sitting on your bed and rummaging through some of the most personal memories you have.

his long fingers pulling out ticket stubs or notes you passed in class

he chuckles at the graduation photo of johnny and dangles yours over your head when he refuses to give it back 

you tackle him for it and he falls down against your sheets and you make the worst (or arguably best) mistake of your life

when you straddle his hips and rich out to grab it

only to look down and see him splayed open like the pages of a beautiful book

and you remember your regret

it makes your head spin, but you watch in slow motion as the photo falls from between his fingers and you lean down to catch it, but jaehyun presses up and catches your mouth with his.

it’s sloppy, awkward - but only for the first few seconds - until you can both adjust yourselves from your position and do it right and then it is 

astonishing

because it feels like you’re kissing someone you’ve been kissing for years. decades. millennia's. eons. 

it feels like you and jaehyun have been doing this since the big bang.

since humans first came to exist. 

since, gosh you don’t know, since pangea freaking broke apart.

you make out for so long that you lose track of time and it gets late to the point where the darkness of the summer almost makes you ask him to stay over

but jaehyun is just so mannerly that he slips out the back door of your house with a final kiss and a promise to call

which he follows up on earlier than you expect, showing up on your doorstep to take you out for breakfast

only to end up with you two back in your room an hour later, kissing again, and again, and with more hands and less of his shirt or yours.

the only thing that unglues you from him is his phone ringing for what must be the tenth time

“it’s johnny”

you breath against jaehyun’s neck finally

“how do you know?”

“only he calls ten times in a row.”

and like your summer project, you don’t tell your friends about what’s going on between you two

jaehyun says it’s kind of hard to hide the obvious evidence on his body - but you tell him to say it was your other neighbor, or someone from another town

jaehyun agrees just because you pull the doe eye trick on him and he really is learning he can’t say no to that or to you in most situations

but everytime before and after band practice - he’s with you

sometimes he joins you on your little visits to the places still on your lists

when you tell him the sentimental value behind them, you get a little fidgety because being vulnerable is hard 

but jaehyun listens and he says that each memory of yours he gets to watch you relive, helps him learn something about you

you don’t say it out loud - but hearing that makes you want to cry and kiss him and cry again 

an other times, you two don’t do anything heartwarming or special, you just roll around with him, tangled up in one until he has to go

with each day, summer comes closer to 

and end but you fall deeper into each other at a pace that might be alarming if it was any other two humans but the both you

and before you know it - it’s the day of johnny’s end of summer slash going away party 

jaehyun is supposed to be there from like nine in the morning but he stops at your place before he bikes over

kissing your forehead he drops something in your palm

you open it to see his guitar pick 

“won’t you need this for when you play?”

“i’m using my backup. i just thought you might want to put that one in your shoebox........since it could remind you of me......”

he flushes and you bite back your lip, part of you is happy because he’s just so cute it isn’t fair but the other is coming to the daunting idea that 

soon enough - im leaving too, will jaehyun just be another memory to me?

instead of dwelling on it, you peck him again and ask, 

“ill see you at the party?”

the party is most definitely a johnny suh party

the food is amazing, everyone on the planet is invited, and johnny is wearing something so bright it beats out the sun

when you arrive, his mother spends half an hour asking you to take care of him when he finally leaves and you don’t remind her that you’re going to two different places

you don’t see jaehyun or mark or jungwoo around - you assume they’re practicing somewhere for the performance while johnny is juggling both front lead singer and host

the party is fun - it really is - but the words “going away” somehow still make you a little sick

you’re about to escape to somewhere a little quieter, when you hear someone tap the mic on the makeshift stage in johnny’s backyard

you see him - and the rest of the band - gather on as johnny introduces them and shouts excitedly that this song they’re going to perform, written by keyboardist mark, is all about new beginnings!

jaehyun finds you in the crowd, a secret little smile on his lips before the music starts and to your surprise - and probably everyone elses - they actually do pretty good

the lyrics are so very mark, but johnny brings a flare to the way he sings it

jungwoo seems to have remembered how much he adores drumming again and the way jaehyun looks playing guitar is so enticing that you can’t help but feel a little pride in the fact that you’ve been tasting all of that for most of the summer

the sick feeling in your stomach turns into excitement which turns into just pure enjoyment as you watch your friends and your boyfriend up there having fun

when it’s over and they hop down to mingle back into the rest of the party, you really can’t help yourself and throw your arms around jaehyun

you kiss him - which earns a gasp from mark, a half smirk from jungwoo, and a loud clearing of his throat from johnny

you and jaehyun admit what’s been going on and when johnny just whistles you ask him if he’s not mad

“even if i was mad, you would still keep liking each other right - so what’s the point?” 

you hug johnny, and mark, and jungwoo, and like nothing has changed you all fall back into the swing of it

the comfort of being around each other

when you five are the last people in johnny’s messy background you finally decide to tell them all about your summer project

“i knew you’d all say it was lame so i-”

“hey hey hey - it isn’t lame. it’s not what i expect but i get why you’d want to do it.”

johnny pats your shoulder and you feel jaehyun’s hand on the small of your back

it’s the kind of moment you want to never end. 

really, you just want this summer to never end.

but when it does - when the day comes for the temperature to drop and for you to be on your way to a new place

you feel the sadness come in a big wave

johnny, mark, jungwoo, and jaehyun all come to say goodbye and you hold the shoebox in your hands - now heavy and filled to the brim with all your memories

before you say it though, each of them adds something

jungwoo drops his samsung internship ID into it

mark places the paper he wrote the draft of the lyrics to the song they performed at the party into it

and johnny chucks a burned CD version of it into the mix

finally, turning to jaehyun, you take in a deep breath

“i know the distance will be big so if you want to break up and-”

he kisses you before you can finish your sentence and slips a small box that you don’t open until you’re already in your new dorm

inside is a small bracelet, engraved on the inside are the words

“i definitely noticed you. it was love at first sight”

years later - jaehyun says those words again

as he’s reading his vows 

and you’re feeling the fuzziness, the butterflies, the comforting warmth, everything like a tsunami of all the things that are you and jaehyun

and when johnny shows up to present the rings to you two

they’re in that old shoebox 

two little bands at the bottom of all those memories

at the reception, you lean over and whisper to your now husband

“where did you find that old thing by the way?”

jaehyun nuzzles his lips against the cusp of your ear as you watch jungwoo and mark make fools of themselves on the dance floor 

“under the bed, where you put everything you care about.”

#WELL ! #i really took way too long to write this but just........alot of feelings at once #nct scenarios #nct 127 scenarios #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun au #nct au #nct 127 au #jaehyun #nct #nostolgic au #jaehyun imagines #nct imagines

[peachy-inserts]

𝕙𝕢 𝕓𝕠𝕪𝕤 𝕒𝕤 𝕕𝕒𝕕𝕤

part one ♡  part two (coming soon)

✉︎request: Hcs for Hinata and Kuroo as fathers, please?🥺

✰warnings: none

✎a/n: ahh ty for requesting!! im so sorry but i just.., we dont really write for hinata im so so sorry baby- hes on the masterlist, but we really. just really dont like him. anyways., i added some characters and part two coming soon! i had a little bit of trouble with kuroo, but i hope you enjoy it <3

➳ᴜꜱʜɪᴊɪᴍᴀ, ᴋᴜʀᴏᴏ, ʙᴏᴋᴜᴛᴏ, ɪᴡᴀɪᴢᴜᴍɪ

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

✰ ushijima

He swears that he just KNOWS the gender of your baby before you’ve even had your first ultrasound, and with your third child you’ve just come to accept that he actually, really does know. Or maybe it’s dumb luck, but that never seems to be the case with him and he’s far too sure of himself

Talks to the baby no different from you, asks them for advice knowing they won’t be able to answer, but their little coos and smiles directed towards him are all the help he needs anyways

Sews patches into their play clothes when they’ve become too worn to wear, and teaches them how too! Makes his daughter a hello kitty bag when she says she wants a purse and she uses the leftover fabric to patch his work jeans, which he tore on purpose just because she wanted to put her new skills to use. He wears them out in public and with pride

Okay I know he’s a pro athlete but he’s also a farm boy sorry. Anyways he throws blankets into the back of a pickup truck and takes the kids on a (slow, and careful) ride through the backroads. Could you imagine having a dog back there with them too?? He’d train it to tug on their pants when they lean too far out of the truck and keep them safe

Excellent at putting babies to sleep. He’s kind of confused by them at first, and isn’t really sure what to do with them, but eases up when he sees how easily they drift off to sleep when he tucks them into his chest and pats their back

Doesn’t bring up volleyball to them, but secretly  has his fingers crossed that they’ll ask him to play one day; which of course they do, duh, he’s a pro player. As soon as they show even a mild interest in it he’s signing them up for the little league teams and bragging to his teammates

Keeps a photo of the family in his wallet and when he’s away for matches that you can’t make it to often gets caught just staring at it; the team shoots confused looks his way because he’s been looking down at the same photo for 30 minutes straight and smiling softly 

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

✰ iwaizumi

Please Iwaizumi with boys is just a role model father. He absolutely adores his little man and drills manners into his head from day one. It’s very important to him that he knows how to treat people with respect and be respected!

The moment he finds out he’s going to be a father he starts planning to build a treehouse. You haven’t even begun to put together a nursery and he’s made several trips to the hardware store and stacked wood in your backyard, and spends the baby’s growing years perfecting it 

He buys/sends you flowers on every single Friday, and hasn’t missed one yet. Your little boy catches on and saves up his allowance to buy you some too, because he’s gone with his dad to pick them up plenty of times and knows the way there relative to his walk home from school

He nearly cries with pride, because come on; that’s too cute.

Iwaizumi with a daughter? Different breed. He may not be real but my feelings for him are and I would do ANYTHING for him

He dresses her up in the ugliest frilly little dresses and takes hundreds of photos, and goes to daddy daughter events/dances??!? Bye I’m smitten. 

Little league coach!!! Listen he knows and loves sports, just the whole category, so everything his kids wanna sign up for you bet your ass he’s signing himself up for too

And he’s a GREAT coach ugh he always knows how to handle the kids, and given his profession is a bargain deal, they’re super lucky to have him there tbh

The other parents try and flirt with him and he just freezes up and panics because he can’t respond to them like he usually would to people given his kids are involved, so he just starts rambling about how great you are

Takes them to practices he’s needed at sometimes and before bringing them in, practically gives the whole team a death threat. They have fun there, though, and he’s screeching instructions and insults out at them with his kid asleep in his arms

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

✰ bokuto 

He cries when he finds out he’s going to be a dad. Big, ugly tears, and crushes you with his hugs. Wastes no time whatsoever in bragging to everyone about how lucky he must be to be having your kids ugh hes a cutie

Also cries when they’re born, and it’s visible in every photo. It’s heartwarming, though, and you’re ecstatic to see just how excited he is. You certainly know you’ve made the right choice

When he’s away for games, he always calls to tell his kids a bedtime story and tell them he loves them. Even if it’s 12pm or 3am for him, he keeps his alarm set to go off for 9pm at home.

When he can’t tell a story because he’ll be in the middle of a game, he begs, BEGS, for someone on the sidelines to answer the incoming facetime call and face the camera towards him. When it’s done and over, he’s handed his phone and it met with their sleeping faces, with an msby flag clutched loosely in their tiny fists

He always makes up for having to travel by taking them out individually so they all feel special, whether it’s for ice cream or to a movie. It’s their choice, and he gives them his undivided attention the entire time

They’re completely spoiled by him, honestly. Their allowance is cut off by you because he’s not even leaving enough for him to buy himself lunch-

Shows up to practice when then they’re born just to show them off, excitedly displaying his blessing to all of his teammates before promptly tucking them away into their carseat and leaving before they can make him stay-

✰ kuroo

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

Sends his kids to private school, but makes sure they engage in community activities; he still wants them to have the same neighborhood kid experience that he did rather than being stuck up like their classmates, and will push them towards sports

Carries them around on his shoulders nearly everywhere he goes, when they’re babies always has them strapped to his chest and insists he be the one to hold them when you’re out and can’t use a stroller

Buys EVERY single parenting book he can find. Even the ones in the dollar store bargain bins, and compiles every common suggestion into a spreadsheet. By the time the baby’s born he has 12 pages on every book he’s read, everything he’s learned from it, complete with statistics and a works cited page

Takes classes! Is very nervous and doesn’t really know much about babies so he really wants to just make sure he can’t do anything wrong, and like the nerd he is learns as much as possible

He may as well be a pediatrician at this point tbh

Keeps stuffed animals in the bottom drawer of his desk at work for when he brings them in, and will make a bed where his feet would usually go for them to nap on time so they won’t interfere with your sleeping at home

The dad that is angry that math isn’t done the same way as when he was in school and they both have a whole entire moment at the dining room table

#kuroo x reader #ushijima x reader #iwaizumi x reader #bokuto x reader #hc #hcs #headcanons #hq #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu insert #bokuto hc #ushijima hc #kuroo hc #iwaizumi hc #ushijima hcs #bokuto hcs #kuroo hcs #iwaizumi hcs #bokuto headcanons #kuroo headcanons #ushijima headcanons #iwaizumi headcanons #bokuto insert #ushijima insert #iwaizumi insert #kuroo insert #koutarou bokuto #bokuto kotaro #ushiwaka #ushijima wakatoshi

[silvermahogany]

Talking about a few songs I associate with my favourite aonoex characters bc i enjoy shoving my music taste in people's faces and analysing the shit out of nothing <3

Recent chapter spoiler warning lessgo, also mentions of suicide tw

THE MAIN MANS HIMSELF

Still feel - Half•Alive

"I am not a slave, so pick me from the dark and pull me from the grave"

In my mind, this is his themesong without a doubt. Its reached the point where wherever i hear it it makes me really happy because I associate it with him so strongly :,D might just be because I found it while getting back into the fandom when Ren was kinda transitioning to my favourite so they came up together but either way, absolute banger. The bit at the end when everything drops and the lead singer belts his heart out, I always love to picture Ren doing the same in the illuminati uniform with Yamatanka building around him and I've never wanted to learn how to animate more in my life cause my GOD he's so cool.

My favourite song for my favourite character <3

Preach - Saint Motel

"Oh im down on my knees, mercy"

Its so happy and bouncy?? And the vibes are immaculate?? Matches well with the themes of religion as well, this one definitely shows his flirty loverboy side more, it gives the impression of some lovestruck idiot stumbling over himself every time his crush does anything and honestly, sounds like something he'd do. Good song makes me go :))))

Your Love (Deja Vu) - Glass Animals

"You eat us up, you live like you're on camera"

I feel like this one captures his spy side a little more than the others. The lower notes in the main verses give a secretive feel, like he's halfway through a mission and trying trying stay silent. But it's also flirty in a more smooth way than wholesome crushes like the rest. The lead singer has such a gorgeous voice too i'll praise glass animals until the day i die 🥺🥺 God tier song god tier vibe 1000000/10

Do It All The Time - IDKHOWBUTTHEYFOUNDME

"Now we're so young but we're probably gonna die, it's so fun we're so good at selling lies"

Now THIS is a song for a spy working for a secret deadly organisation, all about world domination and having a great time doing it. Renzou is a free spirit and loves the freedom of his job, and this song really captures that for me. He knows he's in danger, but he's living his best life and he's having a great time doing it baybeeee B)))

Sweet Talk - Saint Motel

"You could yell 'piss off won't you stay away!' And still be sweet talk to my ears"

Ren is a persistent little shit when it comes comes crushes and this song shows it, a song about a guy who's so infatuated he doesn't care if he's hated or laughed at, he just loves hearing their voice. I see this as a bit of a yukishima anthem tbh, I feel like in the early stages of their relationship it would be pretty one sided with Shima trying to win him over and Yukio shutting him down so this matches that pretty well :>

Cant go five minutes without talking about them can i-

Honourable mentions-

Talk too much - COIN - very flirty and cheesy considered it as his themesong for a while

Toxic - Britney Spears - self explanatory :)

Razzmatazz - IDKHBTFM - everything they make shows his spy side imo, good for daydreaming

Van horn - Saint Motel -honestly anything by Saint Motel or Half•Alive reminds me of him, great bands :D

YUKIO MY BELOVED

Yukio was weirdly a lot harder for me to find songs for. For Renzou i have a giant playlist I add to over time, supreme comfort playlist egegegeheh, but Yukio's is a lot shorter for some reason. I guess his vibe is a little difficult to get down but a while scrolling through my main playlist and I think I have a decent few that at least match his character development and plotline.

Stressed Out - Twenty one Pilots

"Out of student loans and treehouse homes we all would take the latter"

Pretty self explanatory really, mans was forced to grow up and mature way faster than he shouldve had to, having a high stress job by the age of 13 studying for two meister all while studying to be a normal doctor as well. Not much of a surprise he has so many mental issues by the beginning of the story. I dont listen to much TOP but the few songs I know seem to fit Yukio pretty nicely :)

Oh Klahoma - Jack Stauber

"Those aren't meant to bend, no those arent meant to bend"

Another song based on depression, but with a much quieter feel, much lower energy. I feel like this one more links to his tendencies of delf destruction, and how alone he feels as he faces his battle. Like he's singing into the void hoping for something to reply, but nothing will. Man :(

The Fall - Half•Alive

"I'd jump off and into your arms but i cant trust the fall"

I feel like this one highlight his story to Rin in a really realistic way. Yukio has a good heart, he's kind and wants to love his brother and open up to him he wants to get better. But he's so deep in his pit of depression and conflicting feelings over his brother that he can't bring himself to, he sees no way out. God I wanna write an analysis on his character so bAD-

Baby Hotline - Jack Stauber

"Numb, I've been burning with haste and I'm realising now it's a terrible waste"

We just keep getting darker huh, didn't pick very pleasant tunes for this boy did I. A bouncy, happy song about a girl calling a suicide hotline, lovely. But i feel like it describes his mental state pretty well, outside he seems ok. Sure Rin picks up that somethings off, but once Yukio assures him he doesnt really persist above asking him a couple times. But below the facade he's really reaching his breaking point, and I love how this song contrasts those two tones in a scarily natural way. Absolute banger

Fireflies - Gorillaz

"And if you say goodbye too many times, the sentinels will find me and switch me off this time"

One of my absolute favourite Gorillaz songs by far. The melody is so gorgeous, melancholic in the best kind of way. For Yukio I feel like it signifies how trapped he feels as Satan's son, he's hit his lowest point and he doesnt know how to start moving back up. But the song also has a hopeful feel to it, as if even though he feels lost, he will get better. In the recent chapters we see a moment of reconciliation between Yukio and the people around him, with Suguro forgiving him and tye two brothers finally getting a chance to to things out. Before everything went to shit lmaoo. But with that i really hope that after all the fighting is done, Yukio will finally get the chance to see how bad things have gotten, and reach out to get better. And this song shows that for me :D

Honourable mentions!!

Creature - Half•Alive - the first song I ever added to his playlist, there for sentimentality tbh

Cane shuga - Glass Animals - the plonky noises make the happy chemical go buckwild, not sure why it reminds me of him it just kinda does really

I Earn My Life - Lemon Demon - mans is overworked give him a break :( ngl i don't associate it with him much but i wanted to edge a lemon demon song in somewhere-

Dead inside - Younger Hunger - whenever I hear this I always imagine a really cool animation of him and it always plays out the same way and MAN I wanna animate so baDD

Absolute wordvomit woohoo, hypervocused on this instead if doing the assignment due this evening I'm a fantastic student. This was kinda fun tho!!! I might do other characters at somepoint, these guys are my favourites but i have a bunch of playlists for other characters like Amaimon and Shura, recommendations are welcome too!!

#blue exorcist #yukio okumura #shima renzou #aonoex #ao no exorcist #seriously i love Still Feel so much im losing my shit over that song #half alive #i put way too mucn effort into this #day 38372974838 of hyperfixating on these boys

[dreamingabouthendery]

Soarin’ (m)

pairing: jaemin x reader

au: disneyland worker!jaemin and reader

genre: fluff, smut

word count: 6.4k

warnings: smut, swearing, mentions of drugs (you’ll see), descriptions of sick? slight tainting of childhood (not enough to scar), controversial opinions (but not literally), unfunny humour

specific smut warnings (in case you dont want spoilers): fingering, blowjob, unprotected sex (but assume character is on the pill), semi-public sex?

summary: You have worked at Disneyland since the first year of uni, which has all but destroyed your ideals of magic. But when a new boy becomes the Mickey to your Minnie, you can’t help but find yourself intrigued by the bright-eyed newbie. Maybe Disneyland is magic, afterall. (this sucks im so sorry)

very, very heavily inspired by this thread on reddit. also, i hope you enjoy! any feedback will be much appreciated (this is my first fic as im sure youll be able to tell)

Ah, Disneyland, ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’. If you’re a child, that is. Not only can you meet your favorite characters who are probably doing lines in the back between rounds, but you have the honour of being able to watch them dangle helplessly from a wire during the firework display and narrowly avoid death. It’s no wonder you’ve been working there since your first year of uni.

‘Johnny told me there’s a new Mickey coming today.’ Eva, Princess Tiana and, quite frankly, the only decent princess in the whole park, says. She’s currently struggling to pull the long, white gloves over her own blue plastic pair of gloves she puts on for ‘safety reasons’ - her words, not yours. Though, it’s not like you can blame her when the outfits only get washed...well, never.

The two of you are currently the only two in the spacious dressing room which is permanently accompanied by the stench of sweat clinging to the walls, especially since it���s summer.

‘Oh, really?’ You ask from in front of her on the worn wooden bench, pulling your clunky yellow shoes on that dwarf your feet in their enormous size. It took you months to be able to walk in them without constantly tripping. Thankfully, it seems they at least got a wash after being puked on a few days ago.

She nods, moving towards the vanity and smoothing down a stray hair. ‘I know, it didn't take them long. Poor Jeremy, though.’

You hum in agreement. Jeremy ran into some trouble whilst covering a shift for the Donald Duck regular, resulting in a few broken ribs, a black eye and a dislocated shoulder. Or so the NDA requires you to say, anyway. Needless to say he quit on the spot.

‘____?’ You turn and see Johnny, your manager, making his way over to you with a cute guy in tow. ‘This is Jaemin. Jaemin, this is ____. He’s the new weekend Mickey regular. I need you to show him around Toontown discreetly,’ He gives you a pointed look to remind you that your characters aren’t supposed to talk. ‘And then you can camp out in Mickey’s House until the attractions close.’

You smile at Jaemin and he smiles back sheepishly as Johnny walks away without another word. Jaemin has arguably the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen, accompanied by the prettiest lips and the prettiest - is that too many ‘pretty’s? -  twinkling eyes and you can wholeheartedly say you have no problem showing him around ‘discreetly’.

‘Hi, Jaemin.’ You say, suddenly aware of your current state of half-dress with your suit still unzipped and bunched around your waist. You catch him glancing at your exposed top-half and quickly zip up the back before clearing your throat and gesturing towards the locker opposite yours. ‘Mickey’s suit is usually kept in there.’

‘Uh, thanks.’ He turns quickly before looking back at you, clearly not wanting to ask you to leave but not wanting to change in front of you.

‘Meet you outside?’ You take the hint and stand up, grabbing Minnie’s head and placing it over your own.

He nods gratefully and you leave.

‘You’ll have to get used to that, you know.’ You say quietly as he joins you. For a late Saturday afternoon in the summer, the park isn’t as busy as usual; only the occasional family loiters in Toontown, though in the distance you can see the beginnings of a crowd forming in front of Sleeping Beauty’s castle in preparation for the fireworks as the sun begins to set.

‘Used to what?’

‘To seeing other cast members undressed and to them seeing you undressed.’ You say simply, waving to a child with a short brown bob and bucket hat that’s walking towards you as you head slowly from the staff area towards Goofy’s Playhouse. The child stops and asks both of you for your autographs, something that every Disney cast member has to perfect before they get to wear their suit.

‘Right,’ He mutters when she leaves. ‘What happened to the guy before me?’

You glance at him from the corner of your eye, momentarily forgetting you can’t see his face. ‘What’ve you heard?’

‘Nothing, why?’

You sigh. ‘He was jumped by some asshole teenagers. You don’t need to worry, though,’ You add quickly at his sharp intake of breath. ‘You aren’t dressed as Donald Duck so you should be fine.’ You joke.

He laughs slightly at that. ‘Who thought dressing up as a kids’ character could be so dangerous?’

‘Oh, you have no idea.’ You laugh, a little too loudly, drawing more attention to yourself than usual but automatically correct your pitch to match Minnie Mouse’s. You wave at the kids that turn to look at you and they hurry over, asking to take pictures. After they run back to their parents, you turn to Jaemin and ask, ‘So, why did you apply for the job?’

‘Wow, it’s like a second interview.’ You shake your head, mumbling a quick apology. ‘I’ve never actually been to Disneyland before, and you know,’ He gestures his hand aimlessly. ‘This is supposed to be The Most Magical Place on Earth’ - he quotes - ‘so, I guess I wanted to experience the magic firsthand.’

‘That’s Magic Kingdom.’ You correct automatically.

‘Huh?’

‘That’s Magic Kingdom’s motto. Ours is ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’.’

‘Huh. I guess there is a difference, then.’

‘Of course there’s a difference. Magic Kingdom isn’t nearly as good as Disneyland.’ You say simply.

Jaemin snorts. ‘I’m sorry I offended you.’

‘Anyway,’ You say, ‘If you’re looking for a magical experience, you’re coming at it from the wrong angle.’

‘Exactly how bad is it to work here?’ He questions, though you can hear a hint of amusement in his tone.

‘The best I can give you is unforgettable.’ You would explain to him the number of times you’ve caught both members of the public and workers having sex in various places including on various rides, and how Haunted Mansion is notorious for having people leave their loved one’s ashes in it despite the fact they just get vaccumed up, but it’s only his first day and you don’t want to scare him off.

‘Gotcha.’ He merely says and you continue on to show him the Chip ‘n’ Dale Treehouse, your favorite place in Toontown. At night, the treehouse is lit in such a way as to make it whimsical, the ragged branches no longer menacing as they are during the daytime. You can’t complain at the fact that it’s quiet due to the fact that most people overlook it, either, instead mistaking it as decoration and not an actual attraction that you can go in.

This makes it the perfect place to hide out in the nighttime, when people are busy with the most popular attractions and has made it sort of an escape to you. Well, that and it’s given you a bad back.

You pause in front of Mickey’s House. ‘This is your crib,’ you joke. ‘Are you ready for your first official shift?’ You say, feigning drama in your tone.

‘Oh, gee, Minnie, I sure am!’ He replies in Mickey’s tone, emulating it perfectly and making both of you crack up.

‘I have to warn you, though, expect your arm to go dead within the first few minutes from all the waving.’

‘Noted. This job isn’t going to give me carpal tunnel syndrome, is it?’ He asks, only half serious.

‘No, but it may make you hate kids.’

He chokes, but before he can say anything in reply, a small boy who looks about four illustrates your point by pulling down his denim shorts and taking a dump right on the tarmac next to the hideous grey mouse-shaped letterbox.

You can read Jaemin’s horror in his speechlessness as you merely sigh and pull out your radio to call in, ‘We have a code Pooh outside Mickey’s House, over.’

As you walk in your front door to your shared apartment with your roommate, Ailee, you catch her and her boyfriend, Sam, making out on the couch in the living room. You two met in the first week of uni when you both ended up at some frat party that you hated and hit it off.

‘Ew, gross, guys. You have a bedroom, you know.’ You say, throwing your bag on the coffee table and slumping down on the couch next to them, sinking into the plush white cushions.

Ailee merely throws her head back and laughs before saying, ‘Tell me all about it.’

You frown. ‘About what?’

She tuts at you impatiently. ‘Work, duh. Everyday you come home it’s been a bad day,’ She plays with a few strands of your hair comfortingly. ‘So, tell me about it.’

You scrunch your nose up. ‘Nothing out of the ordinary happened.’ You say simply, looking at your nails.

Sam laughs. ‘Even I know you look at your nails when you’re lying, ____.’

Your mouth falls open in shock, offended. ‘I do not.’ You insist and scowl internally.

‘You do,’ Ailee agrees. ‘But it’s okay, that doesn’t matter right now. What’s the juicy story for today?’

You roll your eyes. ‘I’m glad my misery is so entertaining. The only thing that’s different is that there’s a new weekend Mickey regular.’

Ailee and Sam share a pointed look. ‘And?’ She asks, drawing out the syllable.

‘And he’s cute. I guess.’ You add as an afterthought.

Ailee snorts. ‘You guess?’

You groan. ‘Okay, he’s cute, period.’ You concede.

‘So, ask him out.’

‘Can’t. It’s against the rules.’ You mumble.

She gives you an exasperated look. ‘____, sweetie, you’re the most lax person with a job still in the whole park. What’s one date to you that nobody knows about?’

You bite your lip. She does have a point. You think about how cute Jaemin was when he was nervous to greet the kids at the House and hide your grin.

‘She’d have to actually see him again, though, right?’ Sam interjects, interrupting your daydream.

‘Sam, don’t be such a Debby downer.’ Ailee whines.

Whilst it’s true that cast members in a couple usually split up, you doubt they would make Jaemin do his second shift on his own. Resolving to pluck up the courage to ask him out, you go to bed that night apprehensive about the following day.

Apparently God is punishing you for some unknown reason, because you don’t see Jaemin at all that day, or the week after. In fact, you don’t even catch a glimpse of him or the big round ears that are telling of Mickey’s character.

Eve informs you that Johnny teamed him up with Goofy for ‘variety’, meanwhile you’re being sent over to Soarin’ in Grizzly Peak, the most boring area in the whole park due to its unpopularity. You can’t help but worry slightly about Jaemin, though, thinking of the previous time you saw Daniel, Goofy’s actor, when he pulled a flask from seemingly nowhere inside his costume and took a long, deep drink before heading back out, slightly stumbling.

Before you step out, Bella, the girl who plays Cinderella (no, the irony is not lost on you), stops you and says, ‘Oh, ____, I heard the new Mickey Mouse arrived yesterday. Fingers crossed you don’t scare him into quitting, too.’ Ever since you auditioned for the part of Cinderella and lost it to her, Bella has taken to rubbing your inferiority in your face every chance she gets.

You roll your eyes and Eve says back, ‘Oh, fuck off, Bella,’ She turns to you. ‘She’s just jealous ‘cause she thinks he’s cute and he hasn’t even acknowledged her yet.’

You snort as Bella narrows her eyes and stomps away as best she can in her flimsy costume heels.

‘He was asking after you when he came in earlier, you know.’ Eve says.

‘Jaemin was?’

She hums before saying, ‘He looked so disappointed to be paired up with Goofy.’

You feel the blood rushing to your face as you smile. ‘Really?’

Eve looks at you knowingly. ‘Yep, said he wanted to thank you for being so understanding yesterday since no one wants to babysit the newbee.’

‘I’d happily babysit the newbee anytime if they looked like that.’ You say and Eve laughs.

Whilst you’re at the most boring attraction in the park, the day is still no less than eventful. You encounter a child stuck in a tree trying to skip the line for Anna and Elsa’s Royal Welcome on your way to the bathroom due to the nearest one being blocked off. After you manage to actually use the bathroom, you’re surprised to see Elsa herself there, half-dressed at the sink and you can’t help but wonder if that’s the reason the line is so long. To top it all off, one of the only times you manage to fill the ride at Soarin’, you notice a couple getting on while holding a backpack that’s moving and alert the ride operators. When they finally report back to you that there was a six-month-old baby in there, they have to convince you not to ring child protective services.

After you slam your locker closed in the deserted dressing room, you sink down on the rigid bench, putting your head in your hands and massaging your growing headache.

‘____,’ A voice starts and you jump, looking up to see Johnny standing above you, clipboard in hand. He barely gives you a second glance when he startles you, instead pretending not to notice and continuing, ‘I need you next Friday for a grad night.’

You groan. Grad nights are the worst events Disneyland continuously puts on, in the past coming second only to Nights of Joy, the annual Christian festival, before it was cancelled for good. Even the managers rejoiced in the abolition of Nights of Joy. ‘Can’t you find someone else to be Minnie? Everyone knows how bad grad nights are.’

Johnny sighs. ‘Fine, then. I’ll put you on watching the cameras for Star Tours with Jaemin.’

You ignore the way you want to immediately jump on the chance for some one-on-one time with Jaemin and raise an eyebrow. ‘Aren’t you not supposed to do that? You know, because he’s new and I’m not trained in…’ You trail off at the glare he’s giving you and purse your lips, nodding your head in acceptance.

‘Great, thanks.’ He says sarcastically and walks out.

At least the next time you return to Hell on Earth it won’t be in a Minnie costume.

You feel strange as you unlock and push open the door to the CCTV monitor room. If you had to put money on it, you would say it’s because this isn’t your job and you technically shouldn’t be here, but you’re not much of a gambler.

The heavy metal door gives way, opening to a small room with roughly fifty monitors, each displaying the Star Tours ride, the attraction itself as a whole and the surrounding area. You note the odd statue opposite the entrance that you don’t remember the name of - the satellites surrounding a distinct shape that is rocket-like. You shake your head internally at the sight. Why are the only pretty decorations reserved for Fantasyland?

You also note the dim red lighting and frown in confusion as your eyes land on Jaemin, sitting in an office chair in front of the wall of screens, wearing the same uniform consisting of a pale blue shirt and black trousers as you, except wearing it a hundred times better.

He turns upon your entrance, smiling as he takes in your attire. ‘I thought I’d set the mood with some lighting.’ He grins cheekily.

‘Oh?’ You say, stepping into the room, locking the door behind you. ‘What mood is that exactly?’

His smile grows wider as he says, ‘Adventure. We’re in for a night, so I hear.’

You groan, ‘You’ll wish you never agreed to doing this.’ You make your way to the chair next to his, sitting down on the flat cushion and leaning back.

‘How bad can it really be? These are literally a bunch of eighteen-year-olds who aren’t of legal drinking age yet and they’re supervised.’

You shook your head in mock sympathy. ‘Sweet, sweet, naive boy,’ You say. ‘Now you’ve jinxed it.’ You eye his coffee cup and wrinkle your nose in distaste at the black liquid. It looks like you’re staring into the pits of Hell. ‘What is that atrocity?’

He follows your gaze and laughs. ‘It’s coffee. Wanna try some?’ He maintains eye contact as he takes a sip and then offers it to you.

‘God, no. I have self-respect.’

He places it back down next to an intimidating set of controls, a hint of amusement in his eyes. ‘Also, I wanted to say thank you for the other week. For showing me around and stuff.’ He looks down shyly.

‘Oh, it’s, um, no problem. How have you been coping?’ You ask slightly awkwardly, not knowing what to do at his sudden personality flip-flop.

‘It’s a lot harder than I imagined it to be, honestly. I thought the worst that could happen would be screaming children and impatient parents.’ He admits.

You nod. ‘I thought the same when I first started last year. Little did I know the Karens were the least of my problems.’

He laughs breathily. ‘Tell me about it. I don’t know how you’ve managed to last so long.’

You shrug, embarrassed. ‘I just like making the kids’ day I guess.’

He coos and you push him lightly, smiling. ‘Why don’t we play a game?’ He asks, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You narrow your own eyes. ‘What kind of game?’

‘Hmm,’ He pretends to think, tapping his chin. ‘How about twenty-one questions?’

‘Okay,’ You say slowly. ‘What are our rules going to be?’

He smirks. ‘You only get one get-out-of-jail card. And if you use it, you have to do what the other person says.’

You sigh. ‘Fine. Then, follow-up questions to your answers don’t count.’

‘Deal. I’ll go first,’ At your mildly worried look, he says, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you. What are you studying in uni?’

‘Business and management.’ You say instantly, and he looks intrigued. ‘It was either that or English lit, and my parents weren’t too keen on me studying that.’

He frowns. ‘Why not?’

You avoid eye contact as you answer. ‘They’re both doctors,’ You clear your throat. ‘Are you in uni?’ You love your parents with all your heart but sometimes you wish they would just be happy with you being happy.

He takes the hint and moves on. ‘Yeah, I’m actually doing photography.’ He says, scratching the back of his neck.

Your head perks up. ‘Really? That’s so cool. My roommate is studying photography, too. Is that what you want to do after you graduate?’

His face relaxes. ‘I’m not really sure, to be honest. I just know it’s something I’m passionate about, you know?’ At your nod of encouragement, he continues, ‘There’s just something so amazing about capturing a moment forever in a way that really brings out its true beauty.’

You give him a small smile. ‘That sounds really special.’

He shrugs, though you can tell he appreciates it. ‘Anyway, it’s your turn to answer. Do you have a boyfriend?’

If you were drinking something, you’re sure you would have choked. ‘I-no?’

He looks slightly put out. ‘Is it complicated?’

You shake your head, maybe a little too hard. ‘No, sorry, you just caught me off guard. No, I don’t have a boyfriend.’ He looks instantly brighter. ‘Why, are you asking me out?’ You tease.

He blushes. ‘I mean, uh, I, um-’

‘Oh my God,’ You laugh, though you feel disappointed. ‘It’s okay, I was only joking. Ouch.’ You’re almost glad you didn’t get a chance to ask him out and make things awkward between the two of you. Maybe not seeing him for two weeks was a sign from the universe not to fuck up.

‘I didn’t mean it like that, oh God, I’m sorry.’ He groans and buries his face in his hands.

You tap him playfully on the shoulder. ‘It’s fine,’ You can’t help but feel hurt. Why did he ask you if he doesn’t care whether you have one or not? Maybe you’re just reading too much into it. ‘My turn, anyway. What’s traumatized you the most since working here?’

‘Learning that when cast members say ‘have a Disney day’ they really mean ‘fuck you’.’

You throw your head back and laugh. ‘That’s my favorite. Although as far as things go, that’s pretty vanilla.’

‘Maybe I’m a vanilla guy.’ He teases, and you can’t help but let your mind wander to an image of him hovering over you, reaching up to intertwine your hands together as he moans sweetly in your ear and you feel your face heat up.

‘So you’re admitting you’re boring.’ You joke halfheartedly, almost off-beat.

He places his hand over his heart in mock hurt. ‘That was uncalled for. Alright then, little miss kinky, where’s the most daring place you’ve had sex?’

Your eyes widen comically. ‘I-’ You glance at the monitors and see two figures in the back row of the mostly deserted ride, one hunched over with their head in the lap of what you make out to be a guy judging by the other figure’s movements. ‘Oh my God, no!’ You cry and fumble for the microphone.

‘What? What is it?’ Jaemin asks, his eyes searching. You can tell the moment he sees what you’re seeing, because he instantly cracks up laughing.

‘It’s not funny,’ You whine, pressing the red button on the microphone and saying as firmly as you can as monotonous as you can, ‘This is a family-friendly ride. Please refrain from scarring’ - you hiss and the figure has the decency to bolt upright and you see that they’re a girl - ‘the camera operators and fellow riders. Thank you.’ The others on the ride look around in confusion, and you can see the girl turn to say something to the boy. Judging by the way she gestures, it’s safe to assume it’s something biting.

‘I thought you said this happens all the time.’ Jaemin says once he’s calmed down enough to make the words out.

‘It does,’ You keep your eye on the couple, the guy wearing a smug grin as he zips up his trousers and the girl looking meek and embarrassed. Good. Public indecency is no joke. ‘But that doesn’t make it any less gross. This is a kids’ park for goodness sake.’

‘But there aren’t any kids around.’

You give him an exasperated look. ‘Well, I would never be okay with doing it on a ride in public.’

He licks his lips and you follow the movement only slightly too closely. ‘So when I asked where the most risky place you’ve had sex is…’ He trails off, smirking.

‘You can cross a literal children’s park from the list of possibilities, and proudly so.’ You say stubbornly. ‘Please don’t tell me you have.’ You rush to say upon seeing his face.

‘I haven’t.’ He says slowly, crossing his arms over his chest and sitting back in his chair, spreading his legs. You wish they didn’t look so inviting. You wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t.

‘But?’ You probe.

‘But nothing,’ He says simply. ‘So, are you gonna answer my question or are you gonna forfeit?’

You scowl at him. ‘What do you want if I do?’ You can feel your pulse racing in both excitement and fear but you keep your face blank.

His eyes shine as he leans forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs. ‘I don’t know yet.’

You swallow at his suggestive tone. ‘Fine, I’ll tell you,’ You concede, and he seems to not know whether to be pleased or disappointed. ‘My ex was a bit of an exhibitionist. He, um, you know, touched me when we went to see a movie.’

Jaemin raises an eyebrow, but you miss the glint in his gaze. ‘I thought you weren’t down for doing it in kids’ places.’

‘We were watching Paranormal Activity.’ You say flatly.

‘And?’

‘And it’s rated eighteen plus!’ You defend.

‘Is that the furthest you’ve gone in public? No compromising positions? No p in the-’

You cut him off hurriedly before he can go any further. ‘I’ve just never done it anywhere risky,’ You sigh dramatically. ‘I think I’m vanilla, too.’

He laughs loudly. ‘You don’t have to say it like it’s a bad thing. Anyway, I never said I was vanilla.’

You frown. ‘Earlier, you did.’

‘Did I? Maybe I was just saying it to tease you.’ He smiles a wide, boyish smile, completely contradicting what he’s implying with his words.

‘Oh?’ You say breathlessly. ‘Well, okay then.’

‘Don’t believe me?’

‘I-what? I never said-’

‘Would you rather I show you?’ He offers and your breath hitches as you meet his intense eyes. The warm brown seems darker and he glances at your chest as you breathe deeply. You can’t believe he said that. In the short time you’ve known him, you’re taken aback at how quickly he can switch between shyness and confidence.

When you merely stare back at him, not knowing what to say, he stands up and closes the short distance between the two of you so that his knee grazes your own as he stands above you. ‘____,’ He says, a slight rasp in his voice. ‘I need you to say it if you want this.’

You swallow and whisper, ‘Yes.’

He cups your face with his hand, his thumb softly stroking your cheek as he brings his lips down upon yours. You lift your own hand to hold his wrist which is currently beside your face and use the other one to grip onto the arm of the chair to ground yourself in the moment.

You let loose a small whimper as he glides his tongue across your bottom lip, and you part your lips to allow it in. He grips you tighter before he pulls away from your mouth to trail wet kisses across your jaw. ‘Guess you ended up tasting my coffee, anyway, hm?’ He whispers lowly into your ear before pecking it and you shudder, with both pleasure and laughter.

‘I guess so.’ You look into his eyes and see the pure hunger that makes you squeeze your thighs together.

Jaemin notices and pulls you up gently, pushing your hips into the desk with the monitors above it. Taking the hint, you spread your legs to give him room to stand between them, and he praises a quick, ‘Atta girl’, before leaning back down to reconnect your lips. You now take note of the slight hint of coffee on his tongue this time but you don’t care as you impatiently and desperately kiss him back and wrap your arms around his neck, bringing him closer. His hand ghosts up your thigh, making you shiver in his arms. He slowly moves to unbutton your bottoms, giving you time to stop him.

In response, however, you whine at what feels like his teasing and unbutton and unzip them yourself, causing him to chuckle as he pulls away. ‘Are you impatient, baby?’ You swoon internally at the pet name and nod, biting your lip.

‘Please,’ You manage. ‘Want you to touch me.’

He moans and slides his fingers into your underwear, not wanting to tease you over them after you asked so nicely. He grins as his fingers slide in your arousal and says, ‘You’re so wet already. Do you want me to make you come all over my fingers?’

‘Fuck, yes.’ You breathe.

His eyes drink in your rapidly rising chest and the utter desire written all over your face as he gently slides a finger inside you. ‘So tight and wet. How are you gonna take my cock if you’re this tight, hm?’ You whine and he eases a second finger in and starts thrusting at a pace that makes you arch your back. 

Your hand flies to his bicep, feeling the way it flexes under your fingertips as he scissors his fingers inside of you. His thumb finds your clit and rubs hard circles into it, the pressure being just enough to make your toes curl. You lean into him and rest your head on his shoulder, pressing a swift kiss to the juncture between it and his neck. You marvel at the way goosebumps rise upon your touch and the way your breaths feel huffing against his rapidly heating skin. You can smell the faint scent of earthiness and wood from his cologne, which you take a deep breath of and breathe in his aroma as your hand winds itself in his hair and tugs when a particular deep surge of his fingers hits a spot that makes your brain go fuzzy.

‘Jaemin.’ You moan and he all but growls.    

‘That’s it, baby, say my name. Are you close? Wanna see your face when I make you cum.’ His words weigh down your lower stomach like a ton of bricks, furthering you along in your chase to find your release. He nudges your clit deliciously, teasing you by rubbing around it every now and then, pulling you away only to bring you back with ten times the sensitivity and it’s enough to push you closer to the edge faster than when you touch yourself.

You feel the coil in your stomach tightening as you nod to answer his question and unbutton your top enough to fit your hand into your bra, your fingers finding your nipple and rolling it between them. You lift your face from his shoulder and stare into the seemingly pitless black of his eyes as they’re stuck to your face and the changes in your expression as he brings you to the edge. ‘Yes, don’t stop, please.’ You manage. His features are hard to make out in the dim lighting, but you notice the way his eyes zero in on your hand stuffed into your bra and it’s when he picks up the pace, fucking his fingers into you harder that you finally let go. Your eyes roll back and your grip on his arm tightens as you moan his name like a mantra.

He takes his fingers out after riding you through your high and makes eye contact as he sucks his fingers clean. ‘Mm, sweet.’ He teases.

You hide behind your hands in embarrassment and he laughs as he pries them away from your face. ‘You gonna let me bend you over this desk, now?’ He grins.

You nod meekly, your legs trembling as you stand up to your full height. Jaemin unbuttons your blouse as you return the gesture on him, pushing his shirt open to run your fingers down the ridges in his stomach. You teasingly flick your thumbs over his nipples and he gasps, to which you smirk and repeat the motion, causing him to moan and you bite your lip at the sound. ‘Sensitive, are you?’

He slaps your ass playfully in response, pulling your trousers and underwear down in one go. You reach behind you and unclip your bra as you step out of the pool of clothing at your feet, pulling it down your arms slowly. He opens his mouth to make a remark, but decides against it as your breasts come into view. He sucks in a breath and reaches up, tugging your left nipple that’s standing to attention. ‘You’re perfect.’ He says, taking in your figure.

You smile, hearing the sincerity in his voice. ‘I want to see you, too.’ You pout, pulling on his belt loops so that he’s even closer and then reaching down to undo them.

He helps you by unbuckling his belt and letting his trousers drop to the floor. You reach into his underwear and run your fingers down his length before wrapping your hand around it and moving it up and down. He throws his head back and you kiss down his neck, tasting the bittersweet salt of his sweat and the natural flavour of his skin. You pull him out of his underwear and begin to pick up the pace but all too soon he puts his hand over yours, halting you.

‘I want to come inside you.’ He phrases it like a question and you nod, turning around and bending over the desk. His hands smooth over the flesh of your ass as he says, ‘You look so good like this.’ Jaemin runs his length between your lips to lube himself and then situates himself so that he’s pressing against your entrance. ‘Ready?’

‘Yes. Please, Jaemin.’ You push your hips back so he gets the hint.

‘That never gets old,’ He pushes himself in steadily and you gasp at the stretch and how satisfying it feels. ‘Been wanting to hear you moan my name since the first day.’

You moan as he thrusts into you, hard and fast. His pace is almost bruising, the way he grips your hips assures you that you’ll feel a smattering of fingertip-shaped soreness tomorrow when you run your fingers over the area. ‘Me too.’ You say in between breaths. He reaches up to roll your bud between his fingers and you whine; your hand travels between your legs to rub your clit. It jumps a little from sensitivity but you keep at it until you just feel pure, white-hot pleasure.

‘Fuck!’ He shouts as you clench around him once he hits a spot that has you grasping his wrist. ‘You feel so fucking good,’ He praises, kissing up your back until he’s whispering in your ear, ‘So. Fucking. Good.’ In between thrusts. You shudder and turn your head, capturing his lips in yours. The kiss is messy but neither of you can bring yourselves to care, too lost in the feeling and taste of each other to pay it any mind. The sound of your hips connecting fills the small room, echoing as it bounces off the walls until your head is filled with his moans and his skin on yours and just Jaemin, Jaemin, Jaemin.

You feel yourself hovering over the edge almost embarrassingly quick and you cry out, ‘I’m so close.’

‘Yeah? Gonna come all over my cock like a good girl?’ He says huskily and you bite your lip and nod. You never would’ve guessed the timid boy you met on the first day who looked so innocent as the new guy had such a dirty mouth. It makes you shiver all over, loving the way his words caress your skin and make your nipples stand to an impossible hardness.

‘Yeah. Wanna be good for you.’

He groans. ‘You are, baby, you’re so good for me.’ At his words, you feel yourself come undone and your legs shake from the effort of holding you up. Jaemin whines as you clench around him sporadically, your breaths coming out in ragged puffs. You swear the sound pushes you harder for longer, wanting to do everything you can to hear him make such a pretty noise again.

‘Wait,’ You say, and he stops immediately. ‘I’m too sensitive. I can’t-’ Your voice cracks.

‘Can’t what, ____? Do you want me to stop?’ You can hear the genuine concern laced in his words.

‘No, well, yes,’ You huff and turn around, letting him slide out of you and you internally cringe at the feeling of him brushing against your sensitive walls. ‘Come here.’ You reach for his hands and pull him back over to you, closing the distance he put between you after you turned around. He looks confused as you smile lazily and kiss him sloppily, your hand moving between his legs to grab him at the base and squeezing him.

He moans and breaks off the kiss. ‘____, if you want to stop-’ You shush him as you drop to your knees and his eyes light up as you lean in to kiss the tip of him lovingly.

You trail your tongue from base to tip and take him in your mouth, suckling the head.

He curses. ‘Please don’t tease, I’m so close already.’

You relent, opening your mouth as wide as you can and sinking down to fit as much of him as you can. What doesn’t fit, you stroke with your hand. You can just about fit your hand around his girth and you can taste yourself on him, something you never thought you’d like but in that moment nothing could be hotter. He fists his hands in your hair, tugging slightly to make you look up at him. When you do, you moan around him at the sight - teeth tugging on his lower lip as he lets out moans here and there when you pay extra attention to the tip and his head thrown back, baring the honey-colored skin of his neck to your hungry eyes. He finally looks down at you and you’re close enough to hear his breath hitch as he watches you take him in and out of your mouth in a trance. You twist and tug him in a way that has his thigh twitching next to your head and so you place your hands on them and take him into your throat.

It’s when you simultaneously fondle his balls that he lets out a quiet ‘fuck’, followed by an ‘I’m coming’ and thrusts shallowly, causing tears to spring in your eyes. He releases into your mouth and you swallow it down and clean him off, earning that whimper that makes your clit throb.

Jaemin pulls you to your feet and into a kiss that you both commit to; one that’s passionate and slow as you calm both of your racing hearts and come down from the high of intimacy. You know he can taste himself on you, but he doesn’t hesitate to give his all. When he breaks away, he leans his forehead against yours, leaving wet kisses all over your face and you giggle. He runs his hands up your arms and says, ‘So, can I take you on a date now?’

You look into his eyes and nod, feeling suddenly shy at his vulnerable stare. ‘Yeah, I’d like that.’

‘So,’ He says casually, pulling you in closer by wrapping his arms around your shoulders. ‘Is this officially the weirdest place you’ve had sex?’

You gasp and slap his chest lightly but he just cackles in return, pulling you back into him.

#first #five #tags #dont #work #na jaemin #na jaemin smut #na jaemin fluff #nct dream smut #nct dream fluff #nct smut #nct fluff #nct scenarios #nct dream scenarios #jaemin smut #jaemin fluff

[theworldinclines]

i was tagged by @oh-aew​! ily roaaa 💖

nicknames: i dont have any dfghdlkhfj unless u ask @pangwave​ to whom i am known as “pack it up” and “shut up alexa” interchangeably <3 fdhghlhdkj jkjkjk

height: five foot 1 and a quarter dfhgkjhdflhkj

last thing i googled: whether or not most sushi places have dumplings 😂😂

song stuck in my head: none at the moment thank god fdkhlkhdj but these days any eden song at any given moment is a fair bet

amount of sleep: i try to be asleep by midnight and awake by 9:30 so ya i get a good amount of sleep lmaoo tho i rarely go all night without waking up once or twice

dream job: i dont dream of labour <3 BUT the ideal life would be living like aziraphale in good omens aka i own a bookshop that i refuse to sell books from and im basically rich and in a committed relationship with my soulmate/nemesis <3 dhkglhdkhkj

currently wearing: pajamas yo

favourite song: don’t have one; i couldnt possibly choose

favourite instrument: i really enjoy listening to the guqin; i also like piano music a lot

favourite author: i dont have one fkjfhlkjd but whoever wrote the magic treehouse series or the bailey school kids series is my hero so

favourite animal song: favourite WHAT dfkjlfhkhgdkhkdj does this mean songs about literal animals?? bc all i can think of is that cursed fox one or the muskrat love one which are both horrendous lmaoooooooooo or better yet the song ‘animal’ by neon trees klhdkgj a classic

random: i have a mini whiteboard in my room that i try to use so i dont forget things; instead i write shit down on there and put off doing the work anyway dfhlhdfgkjdf

recent pic:

....................don’t ask fklhgklhlhgkdj

once again tagging the gifted gays gc, @b-iconpearl​, and @earthfluuke​ 💖💖

#answered #tag game #roa #tagged

[gingerwritess]

I DONT THINK I HAVE EVER SHIPPED ANYTHING MORE THAN ELLIOT/MORGAN OTHER THAN STUCKY. PLEASE IM BEGGING IM ON MY KNEES SCREAMING FOR A PART 2

here honey here have a part two that’s like a prequel but not but it is mwah

i should try following a timeline huh

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The worst day of Elliot’s life, and he’s barely five years old.

He was blue, Morgan was wearing a sunny yellow dress that didn’t quite reach her knees and billowed around her when she ran.

The blue wasn’t supposed to show up, but he slipped and fell off the ladder to Morgan’s treehouse, scraping up his left knee pretty badly. Morgan ran as fast as her little legs could carry her, yelling for her parents to come help.

That was the first time he thought yellow could be a nice color—yellow means sun, sun is hot, hot isn’t good. But it’s nice and happy on Morgan, it dulls the pain in his knee for a little bit.

She comes dashing back to him dragging her dad behind her. “He’s hurt, you gotta fix him!”

“I’ll need some new batteries for this one,” Mr. Stark smiles, scooping him into his arms and brushing away a stray tear with his thumb, carrying him back to the house. “Miss Morgan, will you run ahead and fetch us an ice pack and a band aid?”

She bolts off ahead of the other two, Elliot still sniffling into Tony’s shirt. He doesn’t seem to mind.

Plopping Elliot on the countertop, Mr. Stark cleans up the scrape with a wet cloth and flicks water at his teary little face, looking for a smile again.

“Y’know, I broke an actual bone one time,” Morgan offers, patting his leg with a comforting little hand. “My baby toe, it snapped off!”

“You stubbed it, sweetheart,” her dad corrects with a small smile, “that doesn’t count as broken.”

But it brings a little laugh to Elliot’s eyes, and he wipes his nose with the back of his hand. “So y’only have nine toes?”

“Yup.” She looks down at her bare feet and counts for a moment. “Wait...no, this time there’s eleven.”

The little boy laughs, much to Tony’s relief. He’d rather not have to answer to an overprotective, angry god for hurting his son on his watch—while the two of them have of course reached a mutual understanding, being thrown out another window isn’t exactly something he looks forward to.

“All clean,” he hums, ruffling a hand through Elliot’s curls. “Let’s get some ice on this and we’ll seal the deal with a bandaid, alright?

It’s a fun ice pack, one of those ones shaped like a little cartoon animal—this one’s a turtle, smiling up at him as Tony sets the ice pack on Elliot’s bruised knee.

A few seconds later, Morgan is staring and Tony is desperately trying not to.

Elliot wipes his nose again with a sniffle and catches a glance of his hand as he moves, his heart dropping.

He’s, um...blue.

His skin is all patchy, spots of blue spreading over his arms and legs and he’s sure it’s going to his face, too.

A hollow feeling settles in the pit of his stomach and he taps Tony on the shoulder.

“Mr. Stark?” He whispers, hoping Morgan doesn’t overhear. “Is it—is it on my face?”

Tony gives him a reassuring smile and nods. “It looks awesome,” he tries to assure him, but Elliot drops his head to his hands.

“I wanna go home, Mr. Stark,” he mumbles. “Please, I wanna go home.”

He peeks out from behind blue fingers to find Morgan still staring, mouth open in a surprised little gape, and his eyes start swimming with tears when she won’t look away.

“Please don’t look at me,” he whispers, and Tony quickly wraps him in a hug.

“Don’t worry, Elliot,” Tony chuckles nervously, tiptoeing around the sensitive subject at hand. “We, uh, we love when our friends can do cool things, don’t we, Morgan?”

No answer, and the little bit of hope left in Elliot’s blue heart is gone in a blink.

“Morgan?”

“Y-you’re blue.”

The pointed look Tony tries to shoot at his daughter falls short as Morgan takes a step closer, little index finger extended and—

Poke.

“Morgan,” Tony hisses, holding Elliot tighter when he flinches at her touch. “Don’t do that.”

“Ooo, you’re cold, too!” Morgan’s jaw has dropped, and she pokes him again. “Are you really a snowman?”

“Mr. Stark,” Elliot asks thickly, “please, c-can my dad come pick me up now?”

“Of course, little guy. Friday, get his parents on the phone?”

It’s barely minutes until you’re knocking on their door, piecing together what’s going on when Tony opens the door with your almost completely blue kid hoisted onto one hip, Morgan still stunned and staring behind him.

“We hit a little hiccup,” Tony explains, and Elliot rushes over to you, burying his face in your knees. “He fell off the ladder to the treehouse, bumped a knee, I thought an ice pack might help...my bad.”

“That’s not your fault,” you assure him, running a comforting hand through Elliot’s hair. “Thank you for having him over, Tony, I’m sorry, we should’ve...y’know, warned you.”

“No, don’t worry about it. He’s you and Loki’s kid, I expected a hell of a lot worse.” He winks and squats down, rubbing a hand over Elliot’s back. “When that knee gets better, kid, you’ll have to come back over, I—”

“HEY!!”

Morgan’s broken out of her daze, gaze landing on you and raising an arm to point at you with wide eyes.

“Did you know he turns blue??”

“I did, actually,” you chuckle, but Elliot just hugs your legs tighter. “Pretty cool, right?”

Morgan gapes, that finger frozen in midair. “Do you turn blue, too?”

“Nope.” You smile over at her, waving away Tony’s wince. “He gets it from his dad!”

“Daddy,” she gasps, “lookit, his eyes’re red now, too—”

“That’s enough, Morgan.”

Tony scoops her into his arms. “We’ll see you next time, Elliot, alright?”

Judging from the tears starting to soak through your pants, he won’t be answering any time soon.

Mouthing I’m so sorry one more time to you, Tony gives you a last apologetic smile and closes the door, just as Morgan starts blabbering again.

“That was freaky, dad, he got real cold and blue, and his eyes—”

“C’mon, kiddo.” You bend down to lift Elliot into your arms with a wheeze—“you’re getting pretty big for this, hm? Growing up so fast. Lets get you home.”

“Mommy?”

Buckling him into his car seat, you pause and press a kiss to his little blue forehead. “What’s up, sweetie?”

“Are you scared of me?”

Your jaw drops with a shocked little huff and you buckle the last strap, patting his knee and looking him straight in the deep, blood-red eye.

“I absolutely am not.”

“But I’m a monster,” he whispers, eyes glistening. “Like dad, right?”

“Wrong,” you nearly choke, a lump forming in your throat. “No, Elliot, no, no, no, you and dad aren’t monsters, where’d you get that idea?”

“But we’re blue, a-and our eyes turn red—���

“Listen to me, Elliot.” Brushing some curls off his forehead, your voice turns stern. “Just because you’re a different...different colour than other people, doesn’t make you any less than them, do you hear me?”

The little boy wipes his nose and nods.

“And it would never make you a monster,” you assure him. “You are beautiful, Elliot. Inside and out. And you know what?”

“What?”

You tap a finger against his blue chest with a small smile.

“This heart right here? It’s yours and no one else’s. And I don’t care what body is carrying it, I’m going to love you because of the pure, beautiful heart you have inside.”

The corner of Elliot’s mouth twitches, almost a tiny smile.

“Does that make sense?” You laugh quietly, giving his seatbelt a tug. “It means that I love you, Elliot, no matter what colour you are or how cold you might get. I’m still gonna hug you.”

He giggles then, teary and hesitant, but right away opens his arms to wrap around your neck when you hug him tight.

“Makes sense,” he whispers, sniffling into your shoulder amidst giggles. “I love you, mommy.”

“I love you, too, kiddo.”

Hugging is difficult when you’re working around a car seat, but you stay there in Elliot’s arms until he sniffs and loosens his grip.

“Monster,” you scoff with a laugh, rubbing your eyes and giving Elliot one last kiss on the cheek. “Who made you think that, sweetie? I’d like to have a word with them.”

You wink and smack your fist into the palm of your other hand, bringing another adorable little laugh from your son.

“Don’t beat him up,” he giggles, shaking his hair out of his face—he needs a haircut, these curls are getting out of control. “I heard it from daddy, so you can’t beat him up!”

“Wha—excuse me??”

“Dad thinks it sometimes,” Elliot explains. “I hear it in his head! He’s really loud in his head, y’know? S’weird, he’s quiet outside, but inside he’s super loud—”

“Dad said that?” Your heart drops to the pit of your stomach.

“He never said it...just in his head. I dunno, I just hear him sometimes when he’s too loud.”

“O-okay.” Taking a shaky breath, you give your kid a half-hearted smile and go get behind the wheel. “Well, um, sometimes...sometimes dad thinks the wrong thing.”

“But dad’s always right,” Elliot grins.

“Not always...” you anxiously chew your lip as you drive, mind racing. Your son having these kinds of thoughts is one thing, but if he’s hearing it from his father?

You thought Loki was getting better with that whole “monster” image of himself.

“I’ll talk to him,” you promise your kid with a sure smile. “But dad’s wrong. You’re not a monster, and neither is he. That’s the bad parts of dad’s brain talking. Don’t listen to those bad parts, you understand?”

Elliot nods, gaze drifting to the trees zipping by. “I don’t think dad’s a monster,” he says simply, more to himself than anything, it seems. “I love him.”

You try, but just can’t stop the lone tear that slips down your cheek. “So do I,” you hoarsely reply. “I love him, too.”

Years.

It’s been years, and that’s still not enough?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

hope you enjoyed, please reblog and feel free to send me ideas!

loki tags: @bluediamond007 @himitoshi @drakesfiance @destiel1597 @dangertoozmanykids101 @archy3001 @jcalpha1 @yzssie @skullvieplu @forthesnakeofdragons @skulliebythesea @wegingerangelica @storiesfrommirkwood @agarwaeneth @adaliamalfoy @laurfangirl424 @paradisaicsam @fitzsimmons-is-forever @ladylokimischief @katelinwrites @tarynkauai @polaristrange @loavesofmeat @canadian-ravenpuff-multishipper @lou-makes-me-strong @holyn0vak @chocolatealmondmillk @swtnrholland @kenzieam @jessiejunebug  @catticas @the-republic-and-face-of-texas @doralupin01 @whitewitchdown @atomiccharmer @falconfeather23435 @babygirlicecream @avengrcs @vethrvolnir2 @bookgirlunicorn @wabisabigrl @myhealingstar @khaleesi-marvel @ei77777 @spacecrumbs @scarlettghost13 @rocks-are-pretty-odd @confessionsofastrugglingteen @easilydistractedwriter @arttasticgreatnessoftheawesome77 @fluffyllamaswearinghats @milktearose @lcyouinhell @h0tshotholland @dontmesswithmemundane @southsidesarcasticwriter @helnik-s @lilith-akemi @fire-in-her-veinz @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt @mischievousbellerina @kcd15 @mellowgirl01 @lokislilcaribbeanprincess @allthingzhiddleston @scorpionchild81 @lokixme @blue-automne @galaxycharmed @devilbat @kangaroobunny @end-up-well @planetariumx @sarcsep @mrfandomtastic @amaru163 @im-way-too-many-fandoms @caswinchester2000 @kybaeza @wester-than-west @vintagesunshinebitch @adefectivedetective @poetic-nikolai @moonduhsted @kerri-masson @iamverity @innaminitus @spnbarnes @narcissxblack @woohoney @anxiousamandapanda @padmeisgay @authordreaming13 @lokisironthrone @theunknowinglys @highfuncti0ningfangirl @epicfallenismine @stubby-toe-589331 @fandomnerdsarecool @retrofantasyland

#loki x reader #loki imagine #loki reader insert #loki fluff #dad!loki #loki angst #domestic!loki #loki requests #loki drabbles #morgan stark #elliot lokason #loki laufeyson #loki fanfiction

[variantoutcast]

i dont think im familiar with your ocs so if it's alright may i ask 1-5 for your most recently created/worked on oc? and 1-2 for the creator questions?

Ok so I created my OC’s in a batch and they’re the main characters of their story but I think Alex Wright is the most fun right now to talk about so I’ll do him!

1) What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

Alex spent the first like 16 years of his life alone in a forest only coming into human society to eat every couple years or so (he is very much not human). So when he’s initially adjusting to regular human life with his sisters (who adopted him) he has no concept of boredom or entertainment really... but he is not used to confinement so it’s less of a question of nothing to do and more a question of like the anxiety of living in a motel room 24/7. As he adjusts (begrudgingly) he comes to really enjoy like shitty motel day television, and it becomes difficult to tear him away from that. He particularly enjoys killing monsters though, as that becomes his primary outlet for anger (somebody get this kid some healthy coping mechanisms man). So whenever Alex starts to light stuff in the motel room on fire the girls know they gotta get him out there killing something before he disappears and burns down an abandoned building and kills a regular person on accident. I’d say that at first those occurrences happen like once or twice a week, but as he settles in they become increasingly rare, especially as he realizes even victimless crimes are not truly victimless.

2) How easy is it for your character to laugh?

Alex doesn’t know what laughter is really at first, and almost never does it. He later becomes super arrogant about like killing monsters so when he’s in a fight if somebody throws a one liner at him about making him pay or killing him or whatever he barks this laugh and it’s really unsettling to the girls. Later when he softens up (he’s lived his entire life in violence, so this takes time) he will laugh at practical jokes. Oh there is an incident where he’s playing with a butterfly knife and Charlie (oldest sister) says with not a little bit of scorn something like “Alex, you know those are totally useless in a fight, right? It takes so long to open it’s literally just for show.” and Alex just fucking stabs her in the arm with it and cackles and Max (middle sister) is like “Goddamn it Alex!!! She can’t heal like you can!” and Alex has this look of horror before grumbling an apology and getting the first aid kit for Max. 

3) How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Alex doesn’t need to sleep as much as normal humans do so he at first spends his nights just watching tv but later the girls try and get him to do research and everything for them if they’re working on figuring out the monster they’re after. Alex, who lived in a forest for 16 years with minimal human contact, does NOT know how to read. So Max takes that on since Charlie doesn’t really want anything to do with him. Once Max manages to teach Alex how to read, he really really enjoys that and when he has the time he’ll work through books of increasing complexity. His first book is a magic treehouse one, that Max bought from a tiny used bookstore. When Alex is not coping very well (he gets lonely, now that he knows human companionship) he’ll reread it. Otherwise, he’ll listen to music on this battered first gen ipod he found in a victim’s pocket until the girls scrape together enough money to get him an actual smartphone (which they also have to teach him how to use).

4) How easy is it to earn their trust?

Alex is very ride or die, but it doesn’t happen right away. He picked Max because they’re both psychic and Max was one of the first people to offer him kindness in a cruel world he did not understand. They’re also both psychic, so Alex can read Max’s intentions off her and knows that she’s somebody he can trust. Charlie is disturbed by Alex at first, often threatening to kill him when Max first insists on taking him in. Since Charlie is also a very weak psychic, Alex is confused by this because Charlie is actually very conflicted by the whole thing. With characters that aren’t psychic, Alex has trouble reading intentions so often errs on the side of caution.

5) How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Pretty easy, although Alex does wind up being very forgiving, he never forgets. Like, he does wind up trusting Charlie completely, but only because he can read off of her her regret and her own willingness to make things work as time goes on. With other characters, Alex might be hurt by them, and he will forgive them for it, but he will never put himself in a position to be hurt by them again. 

A) Why are you excited about this character?

I think Alex is just really fun, because he’s not human, and he winds up being this kind of pawn character that other characters want to sway to their side, but his undying loyalty was given to Max when they first met, even though that wasn’t Max’s goal when she was kind to him. He doesn’t even wind up playing too big a role in the plot outlines that I have so far, but he’s just so much fun to think about. 

B) What inspired you to create them?

Unfortunately, the whole cast of characters here is inspired by Supernatural. I’m taking things in a fairly different direction, but Alex specifically is like dark side Jack Kline. I’ve seen some HBO SPN posts circulating that talk about Jack and while I didn’t take inspiration from those (I’d already worked out Alex before I started seeing them) it’s similar to the ideas of I have going on for him

Thanks for asking Jo!! 

Uncommon Questions for OCs

#oc things #under the cut bc it got long 💀 #thanks for asking!!!

[thatapplelookslikeme]

DEARDESCENDANTS’ 12 DAYS OF HOLIDAYS

Day 2: Snow

Warnings: panic/anxiety attacks, ocd, child abuse, emotional trauma, thoughts of self-harm/suicide

Word count: 3,592

basically: based after d3 when the barrier is broken, but there’s a spell that keeps the villains from leaving. evie misses the snow on the isle and wants to go visit, carlos has lots of AnXiEtY, jay is protective of his boy, jaylos

Remember that panic and anxiety attacks are different for everybody! The ones described in this are the most common for me, so they’re easier to write about, but they’re definitely not something that everybody goes through.

no promises that i’m gonna finish the whole 12 days because i did no preparing for this at all and both of these days took h o u r s to finish. i’m trying im sry :(

Evie, Mal and Jay sat on the floor of the boys’ room looking at old pictures. This was their first holiday season in Auradon and as much as she enjoyed the warm weather, Evie was starting to miss the cold weather and snow of the isle. The three of them were going through the polaroids they took last year, only a couple months before they were whisked away to Auradon.

“Do you guys ever miss the snow?” Evie asked, not sure how to bring up the idea of a visit.

“No, it’s way better here,” Mal responded to her, “I actually enjoy being able to feel my limbs when I walk outside.”

“Don’t you dare say you want to go back, E,” Carlos said from across the room. “That place is full of bad memories. Go buy a snow globe to stare at if you miss it so much.”

“I don’t think one day would be so bad,” Evie responds as she continues looking through pictures. “It wouldn’t even have to be the whole day, maybe just a couple hours.” Mal and Jay exchange looks, but nobody responds, clearly not wanting to start an argument.

They finish going through the pictures and when Mal goes to bring another box of pictures over, Jay glances at his boyfriend, still sitting on the bed, staring at the book in his lap. He stands up, walking over to Carlos and sitting down next to him on the bed. When he doesn’t say anything, Jay leans his head on his shoulder. Knowing that shutting down like this was one of Carlos’ coping mechanisms, he didn’t say anything. He knew all he needed to do was be there to comfort him during times like this.

Acting as if this wasn’t happening was the best way to help Carlos get through this. Bringing attention to his attacks would only make them worse, Carlos never liked being the center of attention anyway. To anybody else, Carlos would look completely okay. But Jay knew, because he’s been around him for so many years, he knew the fidgeting and the blank staring. Jay knew to be there just in case he needed anything, but gave him time to process everything in his mind. When he was ready to talk, he would. And if he needed help, he would say it.

The first time Jay witnessed one of these attacks, he made Carlos promise to let him know if it was getting to the point of needing help. In exchange, Jay promised not to pressure him to talk about anything unless he wanted to.

Eventually, the girls finished going through all the pictures and headed back to their own room after saying their goodbyes. Jay stayed sitting next to Carlos, reading along with him when he calmed down enough to continue reading. After awhile, Carlos silently put his book down on his night stand and laid down. Jay laid down next to him and held him close to his chest, knowing that he wasn’t going to get any conversation from Carlos tonight.

~

“If you’re not going to put the work in to keep this house clean, you don’t deserve to stay in it! Stay away from me and this house until you realize how much I do for you and are ready to appreciate it,” Cruella yelled as she slammed the door in the small boy’s face.

It was the middle of winter, and there were piles of snow and ice all over the ground already with more falling. It was the middle of the night, which made it even colder. He could stay in his treehouse, he kept a couple blankets up there, but there were still openings all over the place and he’d probably be soaked and freezing by morning. He could try to sneak back in the house through the window and sneak back out in the morning, but he’d make too much noise, and he couldn’t be sure Cruella wouldn’t come into the closet before he woke up.

Deciding he didn’t have any other options, he started making his way to the clubhouse. He knew Mal, Evie, and Jay wouldn’t care if he stayed there, but he knew they’d ask about why he had come if any of them found him there. Everybody on the isle had shitty parents, and it was some part of a social contract that nobody talked about it. He covered his bruises and cigarette burns pretty well, and when he didn’t and one of the others asked about it, he would just brush it off as injuries from a fight.

He let himself in and looked around for any of the other three. When he didn’t see any of them, he mentally prepared an explanation for if one of them came in and found him. As soon as he pulled the blankets over his body and curled up on the couch, he was asleep.

The next morning when Jay found him, Carlos completely forgot about his bullshit explanation from last night and spilled every detail of his fucked up childhood, and Jay shared every detail of his in return.

~

Carlos woke up sweating and turned over, expecting to see his boyfriend lying on the other side of the bed, but was surprised to find the other side of the bed completely empty. In fact, once he took a look around the room, he realized the entire room was empty.

Had Jay finally gotten tired of having to comfort him everyday for so many years?

Carlos felt his breathing quicken and a familiar heavy feeling in his chest started to appear. Pulling the blankets off the bed and rushing to the bathroom, he slammed the door shut behind him and curled up in the corner.

He wasn’t prepared for Jay to tell him he was tired and done with him, so he figured the best way to avoid that was to block out the world. After all, the best way to cope is to act like it’s not happening. Well, out of the coping mechanisms Carlos knew, which were few, and they were all unhealthy.

Jay opened up the door with his right hand and balanced the tray of food on his left hand. He looked over to the bed and noticed that Carlos wasn’t there anymore. He also noticed the blankets were gone from the bed, but brushed it off assuming Carlos just kicked them to the floor. It wasn’t uncommon for their room to be a complete mess, especially their beds. Jay assumes Carlos is just getting ready, so he sets the tray down on the table in front of the TV and calls out, “Hey, I got you breakfast whenever you’re ready,” before turning on the TV and sitting down on the couch.

Carlos was so inside his own head that he didn’t even hear the noise of the door opening and closing, Jay’s voice, or the TV turning on. All he could hear was the voice in his head telling him that Jay was tired of him and he was going to leave him.

After a half hour of waiting, Jay starts to worry about Carlos. He never takes this long to get ready, even including a shower, and the shower hadn’t been on at all since Jay returned to the room. He gets up to go check on Carlos, knocking on the door and attempting to twist the handle. That’s when he realizes there’s no light coming from under the door. Which meant Carlos was in there in the dark. Sitting in the dark was something Carlos only did when his attacks were really bad. Something he did when he needed to block out every other thing in the world.

He tried knocking one more time and when he didn’t get a response, he got the key that was taped behind the TV stand. They kept it there in case Carlos ever needed help. It wasn’t uncommon for him to start panicking during a shower, there was plenty of time to think in there. But it never got bad enough for Jay to have to use it. There’s a first time for everything, he supposes.

He pushed open the door and flipped on the light switch. He immediately fell to his knees in front of the boy when he saw him curled up in his blankets, crying and shaking. He thought about pulling the smaller boy up and carrying him back to his bed, but decided that trying to touch him would scare him and that’s the last thing he wanted to do. “Carlos? What’s going on?” He waited for a response but knew that he was too far gone to hear him.

Carlos didn’t notice the noise or the light, his brain was still trying to process the fact that one of the most important people in his life hated him and never wanted to see him again. He’d be better off without him, Carlos knew, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. And if Jay left, chances are Mal and Evie would too. That’s his family, what was he going to do without him. He’d be left alone. And what’s the point of living when you’re alone?

His irrational thoughts and lowered impulse control decided that the best solution to keep everybody happy was to end it all now. Nobody would have to worry about him anymore, and he wouldn’t have to feel like a burden or be left alone. It seemed like a win-win situation to him.

He sat frozen for a couple minutes, which felt like six hours to him, trying to find the strength within himself to reach over under the sink where he kept his box of razors. Once he finally started to move, he was met with something pushing his arm back. Too afraid to open his eyes and discover what was stopping him, he pulled his hand back and ignored it, hoping if he did then it would go away. When he tried to reach out again, he was met with the same force. Not wanting to open his eyes, because opening his eyes meant accepting reality, he tried to feel for whatever was in front of him. When he felt something warm he pulled his hand back as quick as he could and hid it under the blanket with the rest of his body.

“What are you reaching for? Let me help you, just tell me what I can do for you.” Carlos flinched when he heard the familiar voice so close to him. He tried to back away from it, but his back was already against the wall. He knew he was in this room alone, he had to be. He checked behind the shower curtain and under the sink before he locked, then unlocked, then locked, then unlocked, then locked the door. Even in this state, that annoying part of his brain that makes him do such ridiculous things still wouldn’t leave him alone.

He was alone, he was sure of that. Which meant his brain was making this up. He’s been in this situation before. He was sure that if he opened his eyes right now, his boyfriend would not be in front of him. He knew exactly who would be there instead, and he couldn’t handle seeing her right now.

If he could just reach under the fucking sink, this would all be over. “Carlos! Can you hear me? I know you want me to leave you alone when you’re like this, but I’m worried about you.” Jay tried to reach out to touch the younger boy but instantly regretted it when all the strength in the younger boy was being used to kick and scream back at him.

“You can’t be here! Leave me alone!” Carlos went from angry to crying in a matter of seconds, “Please don’t hurt me.” His voice was so small and scared and all Jay wanted to do was hug him and absorb all the sadness and hurt in him. He wanted to take it all away, even if it meant he had to feel it himself. But that wasn’t possible and he knew that, so he needed to focus on getting Carlos out of his head and back into the real world.

“Carlos, nobody is going to hurt you. Please just open your eyes. It’s Jay, I’m the only person here and you know I would never hurt you.” Jay reached out to touch his hand and when the other boy didn’t put up a fight, he pulled him into his lap and held him as tight as he could. He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but it was long enough for the younger boy’s breathing to slow down and his tears to dry. Once he was sure Carlos was fast asleep, Jay carried him back to his own bed. Once the boy was lying down, he made a second trip back to the bathroom to retrieve the blankets that still lie on the bathroom floor. Bringing them back, he covered the boy with them, careful not to wake him up.

~

Carlos woke up with a headache, not remembering anything after Mal and Evie left last night. Looking out the window, he was surprised to see the world so bright. Was it afternoon already? Did he really sleep half the day away? He sighed and stretched his body, the sooner he got some ibuprofen in his system, the sooner the pain in his head would go away. When he went to stand, he was stopped by a pair of strong arms pulling him back.

He twisted his body around so that he was face to face with his boyfriend. But something was off… were those tear stains? Had Jay been crying? There was no way, Jay almost never cried.

Jay was awoken by the movement. Groaning he opened his eyes, not ready for the bright light he was met with. Once he saw Carlos was awake too, he immediately switched back into caretaker mode. “Are you okay?” Carlos asked him, looking worried. Why did he look so worried? Jay’s the one that should be worried! Was Jay doing something wrong? Oh no, he couldn’t let this happen, he had to fix this.

“I’m fine, why would you ask that?” Before Carlos had time to answer he had dozens more questions being shot at him, “Do you need anything? How long have you been awake? Did you eat yet?”

“Jay, what’s up with you?” Carlos asked as he watched his boyfriend stand up out of bed and start pacing around the room.

“So… you’re fine?” he asked pausing at the foot of the bed.

“Yeah?” It came out as more of a question that a definitive answer. “I mean, my head hurts pretty bad but that’s probably because you let me sleep all day.” Then he stood up and made his way to get some ibuprofen.

Jay stared at the empty bed for a moment, trying to decide if he should be worried about Carlos acting so normal after one of the worst attacks he’s seen him have. When he came to the conclusion that he probably didn’t remember any of the events from earlier that day, which wouldn’t be the first time he forgot one of his attacks, he decided it was best to not mention it. Making Carlos relive that wouldn’t be good on him, and it would probably freak him out that he had forgotten such a long period of time.

~

“Evie wants to go back to the isle.” Both of the boys laughed at Mal’s statement. “I’m serious!” She said, annoyed that they thought she was joking. “It was all she could talk about last night when we got back to our room. She misses the weather, which is insane, because who would want to be cold? Ayway, I’m not gonna let her go back alone and I don’t think any of us are gonna be able to stop her.”

“We all agreed not to go back there before the barrier was taken down,” Carlos siad, barely above a whisper. When Jay and Mal looked over to him, surprised that he would get involved when he usually avoided conflicts at all costs, he looked to the ground to avoid meeting their eyes.

“It’s not like we’re moving back there, she just wants to go back for a little bit, do a little bit of sightseeing, and come back.”

“What ‘sights’ are there to see? Everything’s broken down and gross, nothing any of us didn’t spend most of lives looking at,” Jay shot back. “Have you thought about what would happen if either of your parents found out you were there?”

“I’m not stupid, Jay! We’ll be careful. And even if they did find out, I know how to fight for myself! I’m not as weak as you think I am.”

“You’re acting like going back to the place that traumatized you is a casual after school activity! You don’t want to go back there anymore than we do, you just want to make her happy. Stop down playing it and tell her no!” Jay said, raising his voice.

“Can you two please stop fighting!” It came out as more of a demand than a question, and that shocked the other two. Carlos never raised his voice like this. Jay knew something was going on with him but he didn’t have time to worry about that right now. Right now, he needed to worry about stopping his friends from putting themselves in danger.

Deciding to deal with Carlos later, he turned his attention back to Mal. “You two are not going over there alone! You want to go? Fine. But I’m coming with you. Whether you like it or not.”

Mal stormed out of the room and Jay took a couple deep breaths before turning around to find Carlos with his hands over his ears and his head between his knees. “‘Los? Are you okay?” He walked over and reached out to touch his shoulder.

“I don’t want you to go. Mal and Evie too. All of you. I want you to stay here.” Carlos raised his head up to reveal the tears running down his face.

Jay had enough of this, he’s seen too much crying from the younger boy in the past 24 hours. He needs to fix this. He sat down next to the boy and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “I can’t let them know go alone, you know that. I don’t think the two most stubborn people we know are going to change their minds.”

“Maybe they won’t, but if you all go and something happens, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.”

~

“Promise me you’ll like me know if it’s too much,” Jay said, shutting the back door of the car after Evie got in.

“Yes, I promise. Can we go now? I kind of want to get this over with as soon as possible,” Carlos said getting into the passenger’s side of the car.

Jay got into the driver’s seat, giving one last smile to his boyfriend before turning his attention to the road. The four of them rode in silence across the bridge and waited until the car was parked. Mal and Evie were the first to get out, promising to call if they needed help before running off.

Jay sat waiting for Carlos to make e move to get out of the car. After a couple minutes Jay looked over to find Carlos fidgeting with his fingers. “We can just wait in the car, we don’t have to get out if you don’t want to.” Carlos smiled to himself and nodded, still looking down at his fingers.

They sat in comfortable silence waiting for any sign that the girls were in trouble. Jay turned on the radio leaning his head back against the headrest while humming to himself. When he opened his eyes again, he noticed the piles of snow sitting around the parking lot.

He smiled over at his boyfriend, remembering all the snowball fights they used to have, and chasing each other in the snow after long days. He missed all the good times they used to have together in the snow. “Come on,” he said, opening his door.

“Hm?” Carlos responded, looking over.

“Get out, we’re not gonna sit here and be miserable the whole time.” He stood up and poked his head back in. “I’m serious, let’s go.” He shut the door, grabbing some snow and throwing it over the car as Carlos got out, just missing his head.

“Oh, you’re on,” Carlos said ducking down and picking up some snow before running around the car and attacking the older boy with snowballs.

The spent the next 30 minutes running around the parking lot trying to hit each other with snowballs. When he noticed Carlos starting to get cold and tired, he pulled the blanket he kept in the back seat out and wrapped it around the younger boy’s shoulders. Carlos smiled up at him as a silent ‘thank you’.

If Jay wasn’t so focused on not being able to feel his fingers, he could get lost in the boy’s eyes. Jay wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pushed him back against the car, leaning down to kiss him. When they pulled away, Carlos smiled again. “I love you, Jay, but it’s freezing. Can we wait in the car?”

#deardescendants #jaylos #12daysofdescendants

[livinasimminlife]

Dear David...

If you’ve kept up with The Krazy Crazy Life of Kassiopeia Fullbright, you’ll know about the appearance of the Bayless family from Twinbrook. If not, then, ***minor spoiler alert!***

Davis Lamar is related to them... a.k.a. David Bayless. Arc 34, Remembering, briefly features the Bayless family. I decided to share some stills from my gameplay for fun. 

Avery Bayless (14)  is rather angry that the soda machine ate her simoleons. She really hoped for a refreshing drink after school.

Dear David, I really hate this blasted machine! I wish you were here to reach up with your long arms and grab the cola. 

Frustrated, Avery gives up and comes home to play ball with her brother, Taye on their Bayuck swamp farm.

The days and nights kinda blend together, but every night, Taye and I play ball. It’s kinda nice. I know he wouldn’t admit it but he’s grown to be handsome while you’ve been gone... er... except for those ears! 

Taye Bayless (17) tosses a baseball with his sister, Avery near the swamp. He’s taking a break from studying for exams, and he adores his kid sister. 

At least I can wear my hair long to cover mine. The girls at school still make fun of me. I don’t know if I can ever show my face again there after falling flat on my pimply nose while trying to get that blasted cola!

Avery and Taye play ball in the yard near the water tower that provides fresh water for the Bayless family. Also Avery’s sporting her rainboots since the ground can be quite mushy in the swamps. Avery shares a special relationship with Taye as they both love the outdoors and are active. 

But here on the farm, I can just be goofy self and laugh and play in the yard. No one’s gonna see me with all this swamp grass ‘round. Don’t feel like you gotta write back. It’s just stupid stuff here, really. Don’t even know howta end so bye, I guess. ~ Aves

Skye Bayless (16) plays the bass much like their older half-brother, Davis. They also have a flamboyant style. In game, when Skye aged up from toddler to child, they had a feminine hairstyle, and when they aged up to teen, Skye was actually wearing a dress. I decided Skye is gender fluid as the game encouraged me, preferring they/their as pronouns. Look at the pure joy on their face! 

Evening hangs in sultry skies; the heat of sweetgrass swaying in the sweaty breeze. The scent of sun-soaked tea tickles my nose and tempts me away from practice. I ponder little and then I play the love song only Bayucks know and beat my foot upon the porch wood. I strum the notes you taught me b’fore and think of the soft twangs on a sweltering night that barely scratch the sky for which I’m named.

Skye shares a room with their older brother, Taye. Taye is a studious kid and is looking forward to university and getting out of the backwater swamp. Here he practicing writing his speech. 

How do I start? I miss you sounds trite. I love you sounds stupid. But I do, mmkay? Uni apps are due soon and M’as breathi’n down’em my neck, but ya know...what she dont’ realize is I really wanna go and be out there in the world. And somehow I know its tough for ya’s now, but you make it seem okay... that the world aint so scary if you can face everythin’g that’s you have and still come out okay. So hang on... oh and um... when you get home... I still need help with apos’trophes. - Love, Taye (and yeah, Im cool with mushyness but dont’cha tell Ma). 

Little River (5) Bayless is sad. She misses her big brother very much. She also lost her doll somewhere and fears the dog took off and buried it somewhere in the swamp. 

Dear David, I miss you. I love you. My dolly is gone. I think the dog took it. I think the dog put it in the yard in the ground. I wish you was here. We could dig it up to...to...too...(it’s a big word - Chase helped me). together. ~ River 

Shepherd Skeet Bayless may live in the Bayuck swamp, but he’s far from backward. True, he prefers the simple life, but he takes pride in his swamp farming skills. Here he tends to the sweetgrass his family has grown for generations and practices his sermons. After all, plants are very good listeners.

 Son, I miss you. We can’t wait for you to be home. I think it would be good to spend time in the garden together. Plants have a healing nature to them. After all, the Good Lord gave us a garden to tend to give us purpose and a place. Enclosed are my notes from my latest sermon, some psalms, and a few of your favorite hymns. I’ve taken to preaching to the plants. I know it’s dumb, probably, but they listen. I hope you’ll listen and know that you just get well and get home soon, okay? 

At twilight, Chase Bayless (19), all grown up, and capturing the land she calls home on the canvas. It’s a cooler evening than most, the mists of the swamp rising up to provide some low haze. She’s home on break from uni, an Education major, and she took up painting to unwind.

Dear David, I don’t want you to worry about me. Shark Racket broke my heart all those years ago and I know how angry you were. But today he brought me a cake. He dropped it off on the porch and ran away like a sissy, but I saw him through the curtains. I think he heard about your situation somehow. Townsfolk talk. The parishoners whisper among themselves on Sundays and I don’t like it. But you don’t need to worry about it. I’ll bop any of ‘em on the nose if they speak badly about you. 

Ma Bayless... Gwayne, that is, has enchantress abilities. She hoped at least one of her children would inherit her supernatural genes, but alas! No matter how many kids she popped out, not one of them is “special.” She takes out her frustrations by crafting potions (legal and illegal) in the attic of the Bayless Manor. 

Ma’am’s spendin’ most nights in the attic. I don’t think she’d admit it, but she feels guilty. She’s working on the perfect stress potion. She says it’s for her, but I don’t think so. I hear her mumblin’ to herself, hissing at herself, and she says your name a lot and that she’s uh... failed you. Don’t tell her I said that. She’d probably wring my neck like a spring chicken. 

Avery, like her siblings, Davis and Skye, loves music. It brings a smile to her face every time she can tickle the ivories in the evenings. What southern home is complete without a family music room? 

The armless statue of the goddess Veni offends Pa Bayless, but Chase brought the beauty back from her studies abroad in Sim Union. After three days of arguing, Gwayne finally convinced her husband to keep the peace and allow the lady to be on display. 

Did I tell you I got to study abroad? You aren’t the only Bayless to travel now, big brother. I betcha can see my smile. I can still try and one up you, ya know? I spent some time in Championne, in the City of Lights. Oh it was beautiful! I wish you could’ve seen all the art and culture and that you could taste the scones. I’ll make you some when you return.You still like blueberries, right?

I’ve enclosed some of my silly scribblings from the trip. I hope you don’t mind. Tonight I’m painting on the porch. I can hear Skye and Avery both play different songs, and yet somehow they blend so beautifully. I think you’ve inspired them. 

When she isn’t enchanting, Gwayne likes to feel the earth between her fingers. After all, an enchantress has a special relationship with nature. It’s the only time she can be “free” and doesn’t feel the pressures of motherhood and her business management career. 

And Ma’am too. You know she loves you in her own way. She spends more time in the garden now than she ever did, in the section we used to call yours. She’s trying to cut back on her hours at city hall. I think she misses you. But yeah, don’t tell her I said it. This is our secret. 

Taye gets in a late night workout in a dark corner of the attic. He really wants to grow out of the “skinny boy” stereotype. Alas! I don’t think he’ll grow into those ears! 

Taye’s upstairs now fighting on the weight machine like you always did. He’s determined not to be so scrawny anymore. 

In the backyard, River plays pirate in the treehouse. Land Ho! 

And River... I caught her in the treehouse you built with her and Pa tonight. She sleeps out there most nights, playing pirate into the wee morning hours. She says she’s lookin’ out for you over the Gulf. You’ve got a guardian angel you know that? Well, I should sleep. I’ve got an online class in the morning and I need my beauty rest. I hope you’re hanging in there. Hurry home. ~ Yours, Chase 

Hope you enjoyed! 

(The arc itself is NSFW, but if you want to read the chapters featuring the Bayless family directly/indirectly, you can read Unyielding and Unexpected.) 

#livinasimminlife #thekrazycrazylifeofkass #the krazy crazy life of kassiopeia fullbright second edition #the bayless family #ts3 sims #davis lamar #river bayless #taye bayless #avery bayless #skye bayless #chase bayless #gwayne bayless #skeet bayless #twinbrook #bayou #swamp farm #photo gallery #just for fun

[imnotcameraready]

chivalry is dead (11)

A/N: WE’RE GETTING INTO THE THICK OF THE ACTION YE E E E EHA W W W  — also!!! this is completely unrelated, but i responded to all the tumblr reblogs on all my chivalry posts!! im going to be responding to comments on the analogical one-shots soon, and then on the super duper previous ficts i’ve done :’))) 

tbh, im surprised at how much i’ve written for this fandom .,.,.,.,.... like, pretty sexy of me

CHAPTER WARNINGS: panic, panic attack, crying, arguing, physical violence/punching, black eye, a Lot of self-deprecation, non-consensual hugs and cheek-kisses (idk if that's categorically non-consensual kissing, but if it irks anyone, there it is!) — if i've forgotten any, please let me know!!!

Words: 6732

AO3 link!

MASTERPOST! < — PLEASE CHECK FOR LONGTERM WARNINGS ON THIS SERIES (such as sympathetic Deceit and cursing/swearing) 

@starlightvirgil​ @forrestwyrm​ @daflangstlairde​ @marshmallow-the-panda​ @askthesnake​ @k9cat​ @patromlogil​

General: @jemthebookworm​

Enjoy!!!! <3 <3 <3 

“‘After sunrise’ has got to be the worst time descriptor ever, and I refuse to believe Logan said that,” Virgil said.

He was sitting on the wall behind where they’d seen Bard performing the other day, legs swinging out. On his left, Deceit rolled his eyes and reiterated that, once again Virgil, yes, he did say that, I’m not lying, while on his right the Thief just snickered behind a hand.

They’d had a fairly quiet morning. The Thief had woken up first, fixed up a quick breakfast for the others, and they’d been off. If anything had changed, it was that Virgil now had a sword, a few knives hidden in his coat, and a circular shield hooked to his back. The Thief had been actually offended when he found out that the Playwright hadn’t armed him — him and Deceit got to watch him yell at the sky while they walked back into the city, shouting to no one directly that “It was REALLY irresponsible, Poindexter, you can’t just let everyone in without defense!”

Since then, though, they’d only been waiting for an hour. Then again, they’d been waiting for an hour. If the other two didn’t show up soon, the Thief said they’d have to wait for Bard to arrive (“Another Roman, and I’m not leaving him out here alone. I always check up on him to make sure he’s….still playing.”) before checking the Artist’s home. Having a plan did make Virgil feel better, no doubt, but he couldn’t help thinking about what’d happen if they found the Artist’s home ransacked. If Logan and Patton and however many Romans weren’t there.

If Dragon got them.

Virgil felt both of his hands be squeezed. “It’s going to be okay,” Deceit murmured, “Come now, Virgil.”

“Yeah,” he hissed, pulling his hand from Deceit’s grip, “It’s only been an hour. An hour Logan ‘n Patton could be in the hands of a murderer.”

“Look. If Dragon found them, we’ll go after them. It’s not that hard,” the Thief said.

At that, both Virgil and Deceit turned to him, with similar expressions of doubt. The Thief put his hands up and shrugged. “Okay, maybe easier said than done, but it will be done.”

“Besides,” Deceit turned back to Virgil, “Logan’s too smart to be captured, let alone allow Patton to be in a place of danger.”

Virgil squinted. “Well—”

“Are you going to argue that there’s a part of Roman smarter than Logan?” Deceit asked, raising an eyebrow.

Virgil shot him an angry glare and turned to the Thief, but was met with an apologetic shrug. “He’s right. That’s unrealistic as hell, and while I’m not a beacon of realism, even I wouldn’t try that shit.”

Before Virgil could respond, though, a shout from the ground drew their attention.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite one man rise in crime!”

Below them was the Roman they’d seen performing — the Bard — shielding his eyes from the sun and looking at them. He held his ukulele in his other hand, close to his side.

“Hey, Bard,” the Thief called, jumping down from the wall. “How are—”

The Bard cut him off by hugging him tight and spinning him in a circle, laughing while he shouted in surprise. In a practiced motion, the Bard spun the Thief out, then pulled him close and dipped him.

Virgil and Deceit jumped down from the wall, too, and Deceit held an arm in front of Virgil to stop him from interfering.

Because the Bard had about an inch of space between himself and the Thief, who was smiling himself. The Bard kissed his forehead with a grin. “You’re up early, usually you aren’t out of the hornet’s nest before noon,” he said, slowly letting the Thief up.

The Thief, who didn’t seem perturbed at all by the kiss, now stiffened. His eyes flicked up to Deceit and Virgil, watching with a contemplative and confused expression each, before looking back at the Bard. “Well, uh, I,” he cleared his throat, “Lets, um, say I found something more….important to deal with,” he coughed again.

“More important than annoying Dragon?” the Bard asked, raising his eyebrows with oblivious eyes locked onto the Thief, “Woah, what’d you find? Didja find what happened to Prince?”

The Thief flicked his eyes again toward Deceit and Virgil, but the Bard just kept staring at him. It wasn’t like the Bard was good at subtle hints! No, he was a man of gusto! Of bravado and extravagant displays! Maybe the Thief just saw something interesting, who knows.

No, no, now he was nodding to the left. Maybe there was something he wanted the Bard to see? The Thief was so full of subtleties, it drove him up the wall.

He raised an eyebrow, just to show the Thief that he had no idea what was happening, and the Thief jerked his thumb to the side. Alright. The Bard could understand that one. He turned..

And his jaw dropped. He covered his open mouth with both hands, ukulele in tow, and squealed. Virgil flinched backward, but Deceit just smiled.

Ah, finally some Roman mannerisms he was familiar with.

“Oh my—oh, Posiedon’s trident, it’s Tall Dark and Handsome, and my Pretty Little Liar,” the Bard cooed, stepping back into a deep bow, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!”

Okay, maybe more flirting than Deceit was familiar with, but he could work with that.

The Bard sprang up, bouncing on his feet as he nudged the Thief with a cheeky elbow. “I knew you’d shown up in the Imagination, but I had no idea Pickpoppet over here had you hidden away in his treehouse!”

The Thief snorted, lightly smacking away the Bard’s elbow. “It was for the best, Bard, and—”

“Are you all here to watch me perform? Oh, if you aren’t too busy, that is!”

“Please—”

“ I can promise that it’ll be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!”

“Bard—”

“Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious!”

The Bard rambled on about the performance he had planned, which involved renditions of multiple more Disney songs. Both Virgil and Deceit were almost used to this sort of tangential thinking; Roman often displayed it. Meanwhile, the Thief lowered the hand he’d raised trying to interrupt, opting to simply cup his own forehead and shake it slowly.

“You are truly infuriating,” he grumbled.

Deceit was watching the Bard talk with a small, fond smile. He gestured to him with a hand flip. “Well, he certainly is a part of Roman.”

The Bard looked up with a blink, silencing himself while Virgil snickered. He didn’t seem embarrassed as he grinned widely and bowed again.

“In the flesh and then some! You may call me the Bard,” he stood up straight and extended a hand to shake. “It’s my pleasure.”

Virgil and Deceit shared a look, both acknowledging to each other that these formalities were getting pretty tedious, and Deceit offered his hand out first.

Instead of shaking it, though, the Bard took Deceit’s hand, bent down, and kissed the top.

Deceit pressed his lips into a line, eyes widening as his cheeks turned a brighter red. Oh. The Bard moved up, pressing two more fast kisses to the top of Deceit’s wrist before pulling back with a smile.

What was with these Romans and making him blush? Deceit probably wasn’t even worth those kisses.

Now, roll it back. He exhaled and smiled a tiny, forced smile.

Virgil chuckled again besides him, waving his hand to say “no thanks.” It seemed that he didn’t pick up on Deceit’s minor issue. And his desire for no kiss was passable to the Bard, as his eyes danced between the three of them.

“What are you all doing here?” he asked.

“Honestly, looking for you and waiting for the others to arrive,” the Thief said.

“No, no, I mean, what are they,” the Bard pointed to Virgil and Deceit, “doing in the Imagination?”

Now, the Thief sighed. He rubbed his forehead, as though dreading the Bard’s reaction.

Was he going to be that visceral? This Roman seemed chill, to Virgil, even though he was kinda loud. He glanced at Deceit to find him also looking at the Thief with thinly veiled confusion.

“They were worried about us,” the Thief mumbled, just loud enough for all three of them to hear. “They want Roman back. One piece.”

The reaction was instantaneous.

The Bard lit up, a wide smile spreading across his face, shoulders hiking up as he opened his arms. It seemed that his hair curled even more, flipping and bouncing as he danced in place.

Virgil and Deceit both took small steps back on instinct.

Oh my God, they both thought, this was going to be difficult. Virgil moved to pull his cloak around himself tighter.

Fuck, wait, the Bard was staring right at him.

“Oh, my darlings, you do love me!” the Bard shouted, dropping his ukulele and launching himself at Virgil, “Fuck yes!”

He kissed Virgil’s cheek and wrapped his arms around his neck, spinning him once. The movement was rapid enough to make Virgil shout in surprise.

Before Virgil could actually shove him off, though, he wrapped an arm around Deceit’s waist and hoisted him closer. He let go of Virgil to hug Deceit, like a monkey swinging between trees, and quickly twirled Deceit around.

He certainly was enthusiastic, peppering the both of them in tiny kisses and tight embraces.

“Roman—wait—!” Deceit yelped, clinging to the Bard to keep his footing.

As energetic as the Thief had expected. He took two steps back, opting to lean on the wall and watch the Bard gently tilt Deceit down, kiss his forehead one last time, and bounce backwards, still jogging in place just a little, making weird noises behind his hands. God, he was a primadonna.

It reminded the Thief of that Disney channel show episode, and he had to refrain from rolling his eyes. Honestly, why was Roman so annoying? It was exhausting.

Deceit caught his hat on his head, grabbing Virgil’s arm to steady himself. That was fine by Virgil, who was in the process of steadying himself as well. They held onto each other and slowly stood up again, silently agreeing to not mention each other’s bright red blushes to Roman once he was whole.

If Roman’s typical antics were a handful, then the Bard was that times ten. He giggled, eyes seeming to glitter with stars as he smiled at them both.

“Pull yourself together, Bard” The Thief said, snapping his fingers, “You’re acting like an idiot in front of them.”

And then the Bard stopped. He stepped back, towards the Thief, and turned half his body around to face him. His smile dimmed, sheepish, and he ran a hand through his hair.

“Whoops. Sorry, I, um,” he chuckled, “Well, I must have gotten carried away.”

“Yeah,” Virgil said, scowling at him as he brushed himself down, “What the hell?”

“In my defense, I’m VERY excited! You were worried about me? About me?!” the Bard covered his face again and made a sound incomprehensible to any of them.

Deceit narrowed his eyes a little as the Thief reprimanded the Bard.

Why were all the Romans so surprised that they’d come looking? At first, he’d chalked it up to the Thief and the Playwright being more reclusive parts of Roman. He wasn’t always flamboyant, as much as he’d like to act like he was, and there had been plenty of evidence that Roman also enjoyed some forms of quiet.

But here the Bard was, the loudest Roman that they’d seen, also surprised that the other Sides had been worried for him.

Was it something to do with the “Light” Sides — oh, how Deceit despised that moniker — decision to leave him alone? Or was it something else?

It made Deceit all the more worried about what the future of this little quest held.

“Hey, snake eyes, you in there?”

Deceit blinked, looking up at the Thief. He, Virgil, and the Bard were all watching him with varying levels of concern. “You zoned out,” the Thief said.

“Well,” time to cover things up, “Who wouldn’t, when listening to such a melodic voice.”

The Thief and Virgil both gave him questioning stares, but the Bard threw a hand over his mouth, hiding a blush and some giggles. Wonderful.

“Oh, I, well,” the Bard stuttered.

The Thief twisted his head, looking between him and Deceit’s smirk. He opened his mouth to say something about the blatant flattery (was Bard really that easy to win? Wait, was Roman that easy?) but, as per usual, the Bard cut him off.

“MY PRINCES—” he bolted out of the small circle, shoving between the Thief and Virgil to sprint off.

“Hypatia’s sake!” The three turned just in time to see the Bard spring himself right into a very surprise Logan’s arms. Patton and the Child were just beside him, the Child sitting on Patton’s shoulders while the moral side leaned away from the tackle while laughing.

“There you are!” Virgil called, rushing after the Bard toward them, “What held you up? I was worried as all get out!”

“Hey, kiddo!” Patton extended an arm, open for a hug, and Virgil leaned in to give him a tight squeeze. “We got held up at another Roman’s house — the, uh, Artist.”

“Oof,” the Thief murmured, keeping a fair amount of distance as he and Deceit approached.

Deceit raised an eyebrow at him. “Oof?”

He just waved a hand. Not now, he’d explain later. Deceit pursed his lips, but elected to drop it. All in due time.

Meanwhile, the Bard fixed Logan’s glasses, ignoring his surprised expression, and kissed his cheek. “Hello to you, my cerebral swain,” he cooed, sliding out of his arms and popping up on his feet.

“Bard, what’d I just say about asking for permission?” the Thief said, grabbing the Bard’s arm and yanking him back before he could accost Patton similarly.

The Bard instantly deflated, leaning his head back and sighing.

“To ask.”

“Yeah. Apologize,” the Thief pushed his shoulder.

“I would very much prefer you ask next time, and please keep in mind that I’m not fond of physical displays,” Logan said, clearing his throat and collecting himself, “That was an experience. And….’swain?’”

The Bard rubbed the back of his neck and smiled a tiny bit, embarrassed once more. “Yeah. Sorry for that,” he brightened a little more, upon hearing the term, “Yes! I thought you may like that one, Smarticle Particle.”

To that, though, Logan pivoted a hard 180 degrees and began talking to Virgil. The Bard chuckled, though he couldn’t exactly keep the pain from his voice.

Of all the people to fling yourself at, Roman, it was Logan? He was lucky that the nerd had the reflexes to catch him, and was even luckier that he didn’t hurt him. But he was so happy! And the Bard would have readily thrown himself at Patton similarly, had he not been worried about the Child falling. And had the Thief not stopped him.

As Deceit joined them and they all greeted one another, the Bard turned to Patton, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Can I hug you?” he drew out the ‘a’ in ‘Can,’ opening his arms as he did so.

“Wait, wait.”

Patton, who’d watched Logan be tackled, slowly let the Child down from his back. “Alright,” he spread his arms and a grin towards the Bard, “NOW it’s hug time!”

The Bard shouted in glee and grabbed Patton, swirling him once and picking him up. Patton laughed in his arms, hugging him back just as close, pressing their foreheads together.

It was warm, like a fire burning on his hands. The Bard didn’t want to let go. If he could get away with never having to let go of any of them, he would, because the sheer LOVE was so palpable.

That was dreadfully unrealistic, and he could almost hear the Thief chiding him, so he opted to kiss Patton’s nose and lower him slowly. “Good to see you, Dream daddy,” he purred.

Patton blushed, giggling a little at the nickname. “Good t’–Good to see you too, uh….Bard?”

The Bard laughed, giving him another squeeze before leaning back. “Yes!” he said, poised to continue.

Until a handwave cut him off. “Hey, Bard, Patton, we’re circling up,” the Thief said, motioning them closer, “Also, Patton, good to see you.”

Patton leaned closer, holding and squeezing the Thief’s arm as they formed a small circle of conversation. More pleasantries were exchanged, though smaller and faster. The Bard and Child hugged, the Thief introduced himself to Patton, Logan and Deceit exchanged what had to be the most awkward “I’m glad you’re not dead” in the history of time. After that, though, they began to discuss recent events. Logan and Patton explained how they’d been kicked from the Artist’s house — “Of course he did,” the Thief grumbled angrily, “I’ll be having words with him later” — while Virgil and talked about possibly confronting Dragon.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea,” the Child asked after they were done, voice soft.

He was being held by the Bard, snuggled into his arms and hugging the Bard’s ukulele. Both of them were watching the duo with reproachful expressions, Bard holding Child almost protectively, but the Child bearing most of the terror.

The Thief shrugged tiredly, but Virgil picked up the argument. “If we want all of Roman back — which, we do — then we’re gonna have to talk to him at least.”

“I agree,” the Bard and Child both looked over at Logan, who fixed his glasses and continued, “There is not one facet of Roman more important than another. I don’t understand what this self-splitting has done to your psyche, but we need every part to move forward, even the ones you do not desire.”

“I guess….I mean, he’s not that bad, Dragon,” the Bard puffed up his cheeks.

“But–But he’ll hurt you. He’ll hurt all of us,” the Child said, brow furrowed, “He puts the ‘evil’ in ‘he villainous.’”

“And Bard,” the Thief said, nudging him, “You saw what he did to Damsel.”

“Of course I did,” the Bard said, frown deepening. “But I don’t want to think of him as evil. A villain, yes, but evil? Are all villains evil? No. He’s just a teensy weensy bit harder to talk to.”

“Yeah! And he’s Roman, too, right?” Patton said, bobbing his head to either side, thinking, “If he’s a part of Roman, then he’s a part of our family.”

The Bard nodded to Patton. “He’s a more, er, eccentric part, yeah.”

The Thief squinted at the Bard. Virgil scooted a little closer to Deceit, who’d been watching the entire debate quietly. This was their first close up look at how the different figments of Roman interacted with each other.

Granted, these were three figments that already professed to being allies, but even that seemed like a stretch.

“How’re you so accepting of what he wants to do to us? To you, me, Child, even them,” the Thief gestured vaguely in the direction of the other Sides. “YOU’RE eccentric, but Dragon? Downright villainy.”

The tension built between them. Patton opened his mouth, hoping to maybe stop yet another argument from breaking out, but the Bard continued before he could.

One glance at the Child’s face showed that he, too, was afraid of more animosity in the group. Fighting like this was bad. It was super duper bad.

And he didn’t like it one bit.

“Because I,” the Bard pointed to his own face, set in a sly grin, “Don’t want to dislike myself. I’m wonderful! Even my flaws! If I don’t like Dragon, then that means I don’t like Roman, and I don’t want to not like Roman, because that means I don’t like a part of me! And I love every single part of me!”

There was a lot regarding ‘wants,’ Deceit noted.

That was a piece of shit sentence, Logan noted.

“Wow, Roman,” Virgil watched him with a vaguely impressed expression, “That was pretty astute for you.”

Immediately, the Bard’s tone flipped, as he smiled cheekily and tilted his head to the side. “Awh, did you just say I’m pretty and cute?”

Not a lot regarding brain power with this one, Deceit added to his mental notes. If only he could whip out his notepad and start jotting these down.

Ah, yes, wait. He could.

“....Without that digression,” the Thief put up a hand, waving it dismissively at the Bard, “Maybe he’s a part of us, yeah, but he’s that part — what’d you say, he’s the kinda outburst we internalize.”

Logan immediately turned his head towards the Thief, pointing at his chest.

“Don’t pull my words out of context. Internalizing any facet of one’s personality too much separates one’s sense of self from the thoughts generated by that facet, making it much more difficult to introspect,” he gestured around to himself, Patton, Virgil, and Deceit, “Also, there are more characters than just you here, now. The odds may have shifted.”

“As though you know much about introspection,” Deceit murmured, not taking his eyes off of his notepad. He continued louder, now closing it and looking up — might as well bring up the clear elephant in the room. “Either way, having all of us in the Imagination is doing WONDERS to Thomas’ thought process. We’re going to have to get Roman back as soon as possible, and if that means we need to march right up to the Dragon and kick his ass, then I propose we do that.”

Virgil frowned at him. “Wait, wait, hold the phone — how long have we been in here? Logan,” he turned to him, “What time is it?”

“It’s approximately 10:17 a.m. on the day after we originally arrived, and I do not have a phone on my person currently,” Logan said, tilting his head.

“What?!” the Bard shouted, gripping the Child tighter, “It’s already–Oh, fuck, it’s only been that much?”

All three of the Romans seemed to jerk back, and then surge forward.

Deceit, on the side, slowly covered his mouth, watching Logan with a stricken expression as he continued to explain. They’d been here for far too long.

“It’s been a reasonable amount of time since we entered. What’s wrong?”

“No, no,” the Child waved his hands now, “It’s just….the Imagination’s moving normally.”

Now it was the four other Sides’ turn to look at the three Romans confused. “What do you mean, moving normally?” Patton asked. “Does it not do that?”

“I mean,” the Child patted his cheeks in thought, then snapped his fingers. “You know how, when you daydream —”

“No.”

“Nope.”

“Uh uh.”

“No.”

The Child stared at them, mouth slightly open and brow pinched, absolutely confounded. Then he smacked his own forehead and groaned. Of course the other Sides didn’t daydream, no, they just sorta stared off into the distance and thought their thoughts. He was the one with daydream mode!

“You all should form a barbershop quartet, because you hit that mark perfectly,” the Bard mumbled, looking toward the Thief.

“What,” the Thief put a hand up, between the Bard and Child, and the other Sides, “We’re trying to get to, is that the Imagination usually moves faster than the outside. For all of us? We’ve lived a week.”

“A WEEK?” Virgil shouted.

“Mhm,” the Bard hummed.

“Interesting. That makes more sense, given that you all have established routines, homes, and roles. For the outside, it has been approximately 19 hours since we first opened Roman’s room’s door.”

“Holy shit — that’s a long time.”

“And all in nine chapters!”

“Like I said, it seems DEFINITELY safe for all of us to be here.”

“Ix-nay on the fourth wall breaks, Patt, I already warned Logan.”

“What do you mean?”

“Awh, alright.”

“I mean….imagine—”

“Done,” the three Romans chorused.

“ARG,” Deceit wrung his hands in the air for a second — WHY did they seem to share ONE BRAIN CELL, SWEET FUCK, he just wanted to make ONE POINT THIS WHOLE TIME —  then exhaled, “Okay. Consider. If you’re trying to talk to someone, is it better to meet them face to face, or shout at them from behind a wall?”

Everyone turned to Deceit now, with similarly confused expressions.

“Um. It depends on the kind of talk we’re having,” the Thief said, squinting at him, “What kinda talk is it?”

“It’s just a talk, any talk,” Deceit waved his hands flippantly, “Anything! You’re just trying to be heard—”

All three of the Roman figments stiffened, and Deceit’s point was proven. The Child covered his mouth, the Bard let out a tiny squeak, and the Thief’s hands jerked toward his hidden weapons. Deceit stepped back, clapping once in celebration, though the matter was far from ideal. “Wait, what?” Virgil asked, looking between them all.

Slowly, they all looked up, at the sky.

“Oh, fuck,” the Thief murmured.

“What is it?” Logan snapped.

“Guys,” Logan and Virgil looked at Patton now, who was now also staring at the sky, hands shaking, “Thomas needs us.”

Oh, fuck.

Logan felt it next, the regular tug of Thomas trying to summon him into reality. The hairs on the back of his neck stood as the sensation came to an abrupt halt, as though hitting a wall. A yelp from Virgil indicated that he, too, had felt his summons.

This was about to become chaos, he thought.

“He cannot summon us through the Imagination,” Logan said, looking at the Thief — the most reasonable one, in his mind, “How do we exit?”

The Bard and the Child looked at him, but the Thief just kept glaring at the sky. And it took him a few seconds of tense silence to respond.

“You can’t.”

The pause that followed was even more tense.

What did that mean, they couldn’t? They weren’t allowed to?

What did that mean for Thomas?

What if Thomas didn’t feel them at all?

“What does that mean?” Virgil hissed, “Thief, what the fuck?!”

“You’re too far into his mind, in the Imagination. We’re closer to the Subconscious than he can reach,” the Bard murmured.

“What—But, wait,” Patton tapped the Bard’s arm, voice escalating in pitch and betraying his worry, “What does Roman do when Thomas summons him and he’s in here? Isn’t this just an extension of his room?”

“Usually we’d step out’ve the Imagination ourselves and let him pull,” the Child picked up, looking at Patton with wide, worried eyes, “This isn’t our room. The Imagination, it’s not our room, there’s usually a distinct border. But–But–”

“But?!” Deceit snapped.

“But WE can’t leave,” the Thief finished, “Playwright tried getting out earlier, but the Imagination’s locked down and destroyed our room. The, uh, this whole splitting thing, it’s too chaotic, so we’ve been pushed even further back into the Subconscious. We need a single Roman so we get a room again, but we don’t have a single Roman.”

He looked around at the other Sides, then winced. No one was happy about that information; Logan was watching him with a slightly open mouth, working through the logistics of this new information; Deceit’s expression was guarded, though one hand rested on his chin; Virgil looked downright murderous, glaring venomously at him; Patton was about two seconds away from crying.

Even the Bard and Child were watching him with distaste, and sympathy. The Child’s lip was wobbling — goddamnit, the Thief didn’t want him to cry — but the Bard had something deeper, something a little more….angry, in his eyes, as he shifted his hold on the Child.

“....Well,” Logan murmured, “That is. Worrying.”

“And that’s an understatement,” Deceit said.

“That’s why I was upset to see you all in here. Don’t get me wrong, love that you care,” the Thief gestured to each Side as he spoke, “But Thomas’ Logic, Morality, Deception, and Anxiety are all behind a veil. Or, well, wall,” he waved his hand toward Deceit, “Like you were trying to say.”

“And he probably can’t feel any Creativity,” the Bard slowly set the Child down as he trailed off, “This is….”

“Okay, fuck,” Patton put a hand to his forehead, then covered his mouth as he swore again, doing his best to censor himself and fighting against the rising concern and, okay, fine, absolute panic, “Goodness gracious, what are we going to do?”

Virgil was silent, running his hands through his hair and cupping the back of his neck. The anxiety, though, was coming off of him in waves. To be frank, it was coming off all of them, the entire square dripping with intense fear and panic. The gravity of the situation was finally sinking in, and each of them grew more stressed as they felt Thomas attempt a second round of summoning tugs.

Well, except for Deceit. Thomas had still never tried to summon him, but he was definitely examining everyone else as they jumped, as though pulled on a string, only for that same string to be cut off by the Imagination. They should have asked more. Deceit definitely dabbled in the Imaginative process, without Roman’s knowledge. He’d concocted some of his best fabrications in this realm.

The others must not have known that any of them could access it. That they didn’t technically need Roman to oversee things. Deceit didn’t know how he controlled it, or what his actual power over it was, but it was much more comprehensive than anyone else’s. But he didn’t own it.

The lack of knowledge would be everyone’s downfall, here, he thought bitterly.

Patton made a small whimpering noise when he felt his tug and squatted down. The Child hugged him, and Patton hugged him back, both wallowing in a deep sense of dread and attempting to comfort each other.

“We need to find a way out,” Logan said with finality, grasping his own arms, “We need to talk to Dragon, find Damsel, find Prince, obtain Roman, and flee.”

It made sense; the logical solution to this problem would be to assemble Roman as quickly as possible, before all of their absences made a lasting impact on Thomas in the real world.

“That’s pretty unrealistic, teach,” the Bard said, covering his eyes and rubbing his cheeks.

“What would you know about realism, Bard,” the Thief snapped, shooting him a glare.

Tensions riding higher and higher. Virgil stepped back and walked to the wall, leaning against it, doing his best to focus on something else. The clouds in the Imagination sure were something. They were distinctly cloud-like, but all seemed to have different shapes, shapes that they were actually supposed to take.

That one looked like a cat. That one looked kinda like a frying pan.

That one looked like a car. Like two cars on top of each other.

A ringing noise filled his ears.

Don’t think about the car crash Thomas could get into without Logan or himself there to help him drive. Don’t think about the possibly callous truths Thomas would spill without Patton or Deceit. Don’t think about the encroaching video filming that Thomas was definitely behind on, now, without Roman.

Virgil closed his eyes and exhaled, trying to control his breathing. The argument before him, which he was trying his best to ignore, only grew in volume.

“How long do YOU think it’ll take for them to convince Dragon? We can’t just leave him, after all!” the Bard snapped.

Having picked up his ukulele again, he was now waving it, swiping it through the air as one would a sword. The Thief kept a safe distance, however, but gestured just as vigorously.

“Damnit, Bard, I don’t know! A while?!” he said.

“So no one’s leaving here ANY time soon!”

“Guys,” the Child said, trying to get between the two adults, “Please don’t—”

“Pipe down, pipsqueak,” the Thief grunted, taking a step toward the Bard, “And stop waving that shit around, you dramatic dunce, you’re going to hurt someone.”

The Bard hugged his ukulele before the Thief could grab it, hissing quietly. “How long is a while, then, Royal Bandit?”

“I–Just–Look, I don’t KNOW—”

“Then STOP acting like you know everything!” the Bard suddenly shouted, throwing his arms open in a newfound anger, “Answering everyone’s questions like you’re some kind of epilogue! Like you know more about Roman than the rest of us!”

Logan covered his mouth, looking between the Bard and Thief like he expected a fight to break out. Virgil was leaning on the wall, Deceit was — holy shit, was Deceit taking notes?! At this point, Logan was the only one paying attention to this developing scuffle, because Patton and the Child were comforting each other in the corner.

He wasn’t paying attention to what the Thief said, nor what the Bard said in response, but it resulted in the Bard being tackled to the ground and punched by the Thief.

That very much drew his attention. Logan shouted, “HEY,” and went to pull the Thief off of the Bard.

The Thief was now on the ground, the Bard pinning him down. He had his hands balled and pulled back, one eye already red and swelling, but his fist stopped. “You’re so SELFISH,” he shouted, still unable to throw a punch.

Deceit got there before Logan, grabbing the Bard’s pulled back arm and yanking him away. The Thief darted after them, and Logan grabbed the arm he was raising, shouting over him to stop, stop fighting, god damnit!

He would have pulled himself clear out of Logan’s hold had Virgil not come to help, grabbing the Thief’s other arm and yanking him backwards. “Stop fighting, you’re both being idiots,” Virgil roared, double-voice unnaturally deep and echoing across the empty towns’ square.

Upon hearing that, both the Thief and Bard began making excuses.

“You can’t honestly think—you KNOW I would never be intentionally mean to Robin Dud—”

“Yeah, well, Marvelous Misadventure over here should have stayed in his lane—”

“STOP!”

All of the adults froze, turning to look at the Child. His hands were balled up in his cloak, lip trembling as he defiantly glared at them. Patton was knelt beside him and now looking back and forth between him and the adult Sides.

“I–I want ROMAN back!” he shouted, “So you need to STOP fighting! Please, it–it never gets us anywhere!”

The Bard’s shoulders fell, and Deceit slowly loosened his hold. He hadn’t meant to...oh, dear, god, he’d hurt the Thief.

The Thief, however, just tensed more. The Child thought they could bring Roman back? With everyone around, watching their every move, judging them? Taking advantage of their naïvety — THE CHILD’S naïvety?

Logan and Virgil gripped tighter when he took a step towards the Child, who didn’t move, face set in anger. Patton held his hand as the Thief took one more step forward.

His expression was venomous, brow pinched, lip curled into a snarl. He turned a little and yanked his arm out of Logan’s hold, then out of Virgil’s, and brushed himself down. As he did so, though, his hands shook.

“You know Roman’s not coming back, not how we were before. Get over it,” he spat. It hurt to say, like the words burned his tongue, but he couldn’t stand the lies anymore.

The Child sniffed. He looked down.

Patton immediately swooped in, whispering soft, comforting words to him. It did sting. He wanted to be whole again. Patton took his hands and he yanked them out of his hold, squatting down and curling up on himself, letting the weak sobs shake his body.

“Thief,” the Thief stepped back, rage still drawn in his eyes.

The Bard had black mascara lines trailing down his face, circling around his left eye in what would soon turn into a large bruise. His lip shook, but he kept his mouth pursed in quiet defiance as he stared down the Thief.

They got on well, usually. But there were always small arguments here and there. “Stop being so mean,” he whispered, fighting the urge to wipe his face, “You want Roman back, too. I know you want.”

The Thief met his gaze with a level one, even more angered.

The Bard hoped for an apology. Hoped the Thief would understand that his own self-hatred was holding them all back.

Instead, though, the Thief cocked an eyebrow. “Talk about wants. Do you really want the others to see you sobbing like a mess?” he whispered, voice dripping with malice. “Some performer.”

That was a low blow. The Bard’s shoulders hitched and he immediately ducked away, hiding his face in his hands.

He was crying. That was right. He shouldn’t be crying — STUPID — he would usually act his way out of this situation — PATHETIC — but why the crying?!

The anger he’d felt earlier melted away into terror. The others would see this. They’d see him crying. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t want them to see, see the damage, but oh my God did the Bard not want them to see. Immediately, he spun around, hoping to hide.

He turned right into someone, who put their hands on his shoulders. It didn’t matter to him where he hid his face, though, so he pressed straight into whoever was holding him.

“Bard—” it was Deceit, apparently.

It was Deceit who he cut off with a muffled “just let me hide” and a loud sob. Deceit slowly placed a hand on the Bard’s back, watching him for a moment before looking up at the Thief. His eyes narrowed into an angry scowl.

The Thief took a step back.

It dawned on him, just then, that he’d made the Bard cry. That had never happened before. They’d argued, sure, they had contradicting viewpoints. But he had never….

It was surreal, seeing himself cry. The Thief wanted to apologize. He felt a throbbing in the back of his head; it was like the spotlights were too bright and he was trapped center stage.

He looked back and found the Child dwarfed under Patton’s cloak, pressed against the moral side’s chest. Who was glaring absolute daggers at him. He’d made the Child cry, judging by how much the boy was trembling. To be honest, the Thief had expected this one, was surprised it hadn’t happened earlier. He just didn’t expect it to hurt so much to see the fruits of his labor. The Child turned, peeking one tear-stained, puffy eye at him.

Deceit was glaring at him, Patton was probably glaring at him, he could feel Logan and Virgil angry behind him.

He wanted to get off the stage.

Of course they were angry, you’d just made the best parts of you cry. You weren’t supposed to make yourself cry.

“Thief,” Virgil’s voice was dark behind him.

He wanted to be alone.

The Thief sprinted away, down into an alley and out of sight.

“THIEF,” Logan shouted as he disappeared around the bend.

The Child tore away from Patton. He couldn’t let him leave like this. This couldn’t be happening! Not Thief, and not Bard, and not in front of everyone else! They had to get Roman TOGETHER—

“He’s–He’s–THIEF,” the Child shouted, fists pressing down as a new bout of panic overtook him, “THIEF, COME BACK—”

“Kiddo,” Patton stood up, to calm him, to hold him again, something, anything.

Instead of going toward him, though, the Child took off running as well, in the direction the Thief had gone. Whatever the Child lacked in height and stride, he made up for in adrenaline, and he disappeared as well in a second.

“CHILD,” Patton shouted, moving to run after him, only to be pushed back by

Logan’s coat dropped away — needless drag in the momentum of running — as he chased after the Thief and Child. Patton caught the coat and starred as Logan grabbed the wall and chased after them both.

A sob from behind him drew his attention back. The Bard was still crying into Deceit’s chest. Virgil was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he’d chased after the other two, too?

Oh, this was all a disaster.

#chivalry au #roman #logan #patton #virgil #deceit #thomas #ts fanfic #my fic #fic #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #deceit sanders #virgil sanders #ts roman #ts logan #ts patton #ts virgil #ts deceit #sanders sides #thomas sanders #i love this chapter so much it really just Drives Home the conflict #but also i love my Growing Folder of roman linebreak photos #they all ellicit specific moods #this is joyous roman i think #this fic definitely doesn't end joyously but the bard is a joyous boy and i thought his intro chapter deserved Joy

[coffeecrusadeclub]

Secrets - Tyrus fic

Cyrus's POV:

I walked down the path that lead to the treehouse in my boyfriend's backyard, looking around to make sure nobody was around to see me. We had been dating for 9 months but still snuck around, still too scared to tell people. I climbed up the ladder to our spot. A beat up tree house that we had cleaned up and renovated by ourselves. We painted the walls, put a small carpet down, got a few beanbags and added a few other small furnishings just to make it homey.

I looked down one more time to make sure no one is around, of course no one was. It was 5am, the sun wasnt even completely out yet. I popped my head in and scanned the room, TJ had turned the fairy lights on probably when he got in. I smiled softly, he was curled up fast asleep on one of the bean bags. I climbed in and latched the door shut behind me before crawling over to him and wrapping my arms around him

"Pst hey baby Im here" I whispered, kissing him on the forehead.

His eyes fluttered for a moment before he opened them and looked at me with a smile. "Hi there handsome. What time is it?"

"Its about 10 minutes till 5" i replied checking the time on my phone.

"Youre late Cy" he pouted pulling me closer.

"I know I'm sorry my mom left to work late. I had to wait till she left" I nuzzled my head into his shoulder, "you know it'd be so much easier if I could tell her" I sighed.

"Babe.. we talked about this so much. Im not ready to tell our parents, not yet Im sorry" he looked sad and i felt bad for bringing it up but I want to tell people, I was proud to be able to say TJ Kippen is my boyfriend.

"I know I just- can't we at least tell our friends? I mean Buffy and Andi are already putting 2 and 2 together and I want to tell them before they figure it out themselves."

"I know Cy I know I just- what if they slip and tell Amber? She'll probably tell our parents and-"

"TJ I know Amber, you could kill someone and she wouldn't tell a soul. But I get it we can wait till you're ready, its okay" I assured him, although it really wasnt. I was truly getting tired of sneaking around to spend time with him. I felt terrible lying to my parents about where I was going and what I was doing, but I do it because I love him.

"I know, we will in a little while. Lets go back to sleep for now. I love you Cy" he mumbled into my shirt

"I love you too dear" I put my head down as i started to let my mind drift until we were both sound asleep.

_________________________________________

I woke up a few hours later to the sound of soft music playing. I sat up, rubbing my eyes. I looked around to try and find the source of the music, but couldn't. I couldn't even find TJ. I checked the time and saw that it was now 11:30 am. I assumed TJ had gone to the house for food and popped my head out of the door. TJ was in the backyard playing music from the radio.

"Hey! Youre awake! Come down I have a surprise for you" TJ greeted me and I smiled before climbing down.

I didnt pay much attention to the surroundings and walked over to him and wrapping my arms around him. TJ chuckled nervously and I pulled away

"Whats wro-" I cut myself off and looked away to notice that our friends were here. I quickly took several steps away

"S-sorry still waking up I didnt mean to- whats going on" i stumbled over my words in panic.

TJ laughed, "Its ok babe I was messing with you, I told them. Happy birthday my love" he moved forward and wrapped his arms around me.

"So when did you guys get together?" Andi asked curiously.

"About 9 months ago.. in September" I replied, wrapping my arm around TJ's waist.

"I KNEW IT ANDI JONAH YOU BOTH OWE ME $5" Buffy cheered causing Jonah and Andi to groan in disappointment

"Hey well we should go, let these two enjoy their day. See you both at the party right?" Jonah nudged the girls

"Definitely" I replied with a smile.

Me and TJ waved as they walked away and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Happy birthday Underdog. No more secrets"

"What about our parents?"

"Mine are home now, do you want to go now?" He asked a smile plastered on his face. I smiled back and nodded.

~We came out to all 3 sets of parents by the end of the day. All of which had wonderful reactions as well as a few "yeah we already knew" reactions. But either way I couldnt be happier than I was today. I dont care if the world knows what my secrets are. I have him and thats all that matters.

#andi mack #tyrus #cyrus goodman #cyrus kippen #tj kippen #cyrus smitten #tj goodman #tj smitten #tyrus andi mack #tyrus moodboard #tyrus aesthetic #tyrus week #tj x cyrus

[aliferous-ly]

ya girl back at it again with the headcanon splat of ideas, splabbles if you will

(drabbles, splat, sprabbles, yes? no? i’ll see myself out)

FARMER BOY VIRGIL

yknow analogical is just so good so why not duderinos lez go

yes yes this is strange but hear me out

virgil lives on a farm with his grandparents and two cousins

u guys are v creative im sure you could come up with wonderful people to be them, shorts characters or cartoon therapy characters or ocs

he likes gardening mostly while his cousins take care of animals n stuff

but he does have a pet goat named Anx who he loves dearly, he would die for her tbh

side note on Anx she was a v nervous lil kid and he was the only one who managed to calm her down

she liked the smell of his big hoodie and his hands smell like plants 

she lets other people milk her but she heavily heavily prefers virgil, and gets stressed when she doesnt see him for a day or two 

he’s 100% ok with this

AGAIN MORE UNDER THE CUT I JUST KNOW ITS GONNA GET LONG

they go to a farmer’s market every saturday morning, it’s 9am to 2pm

they sell fruits from their orchard and veggies from the garden

originally virgil didn’t go at all, he stayed back to ‘watch the farm’ but he really just. freaked out a lot about dealing with people 

his gparents understood and so did his cousins, plus then his cousins get more pocket change lollll

(they give virgil some because virgil ~basically~ grew all the veggies and some fruits /raspberries mostly/)

eventually virgil goes, one of his cousins convince him bcuz this one stand has honeycomb and he’s literally obsessed with honey and bees, forever sad their farm doesnt have any (one of his cousins are deeply afraid of bees + allergic, and virgil would never get bees w them so scared)

anyway he goes to the farmers market and mostly sits behind their stand in the back

at one point he works up the courage to go to the honey stand which is like. right next stand

there’s so much honey 

so much

they’re all different colors and have different flower labels on them , and there are even some books people can look through, and a tiny brochure almost that has lil facts on bees

he’s in awe he just loves it all so much

anyway he clears his throat and buys some honeycomb from the man behind the counter, who has glasses and a tie and a lil nametag that says “Logan”

Virgil goes back to his stand even though he wants to stay there so bad and read about BEES

he loves BEES

~ fast forward to the next week ~

he goes and its wonderful he buys some acacia honey

to go with his tea

he loves tea

the dude selling it is different tho, he’s wearing sunglasses and a flannel shirt rolled up to the elbows, unbuttoned with a white undershirt virgil’s bidar (get it bisexual gaydar) starts going off 

dude has a nametag “Remy” which sounds p cool to virgil’s deviantart oc ears

anyway he slinks back to his fam’s stand

and they teach him how to sell and he realizes it’s . pretty easy, people buying fresh veggies in a farmer’s market are usually not Super Angry

two boys walk by, one wearing a wicked t-shirt and the other with a black t-shirt and a tie

“how much would you give me if I ate a raw radish” wicked t-shirt boy says

“fifty cents” tie boy replies

“that’s it? the radish costs more than that!”

“I’ll buy the radish then”

he buys the radish and virgil links tie boy to bee boy and blurts out “hey, i know you!” 

logan blinks at him. “yes i work at the bee stand. this is roman, sometimes he works at the gelato stand.”

logan gives the raw radish to roman and he just. chomp

he spits it out like five seconds later and virgil can’t help laughing, esp because logan’s face is so smug

“fifty cents lost. what a waste”

“stfu”

virgil thinks this is hilarious 

~ fast forward again yey ~

time passes and virgil hangs out w bee man logan bcuz logan figured out virgil’s obsession with bees are like his so they just. geek out. over bees

i love them

roman works at the gelato stand sometimes because his sisters and mom usually are there, but when he does work there he sometimes drags his friend patton along and they work together 

virgil had never had gelato before . roman and patton think this is a True Crime,

logan finds out about how virgil wants to take care of bees or see them or literally . something. he’s starved. but he cant because of his cousin

so logan invites virgil to his house. he and his brother remy work the stand , his parents were involved in the start but now they just let their boys do their thing 

they live somewhat in the country? but not on a farm just a house with. a lot of land

logan has a whole system down and virgil is so fascinated with it and 

i cant believe they fall in love over bees 

so many honey puns too bad i suck at puns

someone hmu with a good punny name for this bee au

roman, remy, patton, virgil’s two cousins, and virgil’s grandma all have a betting pool over when they’re getting together. roman and remy have the biggest money in the pot, followed closely by virgil’s gma 

break to breath omfg so many bulletmarks

ok we resume

logan visits virgil one day and virgil’s grandma gives them a cherry pie and tells em to enjoy it in virgil’s tree house thing

it’s like a platform in the trees p much, with branches surrounding it

virgil keeps honey up there because he doesnt want his fam to steal it from him 

but he doesnt remember having spoons

theyre chilling in the tree house, eating cherry pie with spoons directly from the pie tin, being eternal icons

logan picks up one of the honey jars and it’s his honey

virgil mumbles something about how much he loves lavender honey, and logan always has some of it 

logan flushes and says that he keeps one hidden until virgil comes over to his stand, so virgil always had one to buy. if he didnt buy it logan would sneak it back under the counter for next week

now they’re both blushing messes

virgil looks at his spoon, and at the honey, and just. snatch

and he gets a spoonful of honey, not too full so he doesnt accidentally spill because his hands are shaking so bad, and he holds it out to logan, feeling like his heart is about to burst

virgil and logan feel a charge in the air and virgil is so so nervous

logan slowly. slowly leans forward wraps his mouth around the spoonful of honey, pulling away just as gradually

logan feels like he’s going to explode

anyway after logan did That virgil just . squeaked and covered his face with his hands and scarf 

(side headcanon when its not cold enough for sweatshirts he has some cloth to cover his face if he gets embarrassed, because just hands feels too oily for him)

their faces are so red

they leave the treehouse hand in hand and the betting pool is OVER !! they finally did it!!! they got together!!!!!

(virgil’s gma wins the pool)

(they think she planned it out but they have no proof)

(she did)

(100%)

anyway honeybee gays is slaying me in this chillis tonight join me in this pit

MINI BONUS ROYALITY BCUZ THIS IS SO LONG ALREADY

roman’s family makes the gelato themselves

mostly

patton loves giving random flavor suggestions

before they got together there was so much pining, so many pet names but “it’s just platonic!! :’)”

after they got together there’s so many gelato dates

many many pet names , they see who can come up with the most sugary

logan and virgil die basically when they’re around them/go on double dates

relationship competitions , ie who can win at chicken at the pool

all of roman’s sisters love patton so much

(there’s three of them but one of them has a v serious gf so roman counts her as the fourth)

super cute 

#relationshipgoals

#this is so long omg im sorry #bee au #analogical #ts headcanons #sanders sides #logan sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #remy sanders #bees #gelato #food mention #splabbles #family #so much fambly

[adorkablephil]

Fic: Listen (Chapter 2)

Title: Listen Rating: PG Word Count: 2.8K for this chapter Summary: Phil is a successful YouTuber, and Dan is a fan desperate for attention. Sounds like 2009, right? Except Phil is Deaf. Tags: AU, Deaf!Phil, Strangers to Friends to Lovers Author’s Note: All dates are obviously completely fictionalized, including Dan’s little subscriber count milestone. This is an AU, in case you hadn’t noticed. :) Extreme thanks to the Treehouse Mailing List for all their support and encouragement! Fic also available on AO3 here

[Masterlist of all “Listen” chapters on Tumblr]

Chapter 2: Talk to Me

danisnotonfire You said to DM you, so here I am. DMing you. This feels weird. Is it weird? I think maybe Im making it weird. 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil It’s not weird. Or if it is, that’s cool. I like weird. ;) 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire lol 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil I was interested in what you were saying about the FFVII soundtrack. Tell me more about why you like the music so much. 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire Have you lestined to it? 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil No 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire But you play the game, right? It ws in your video 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil It’s hard to explain, but I play it with the sound off. 8 September 2009

danisnotonfire ??? 8 September 2009

AmazingPhil But seriously, I’m interested. Tell me about the music. 8 September 2009

Dan’s passion for music inspired Phil to download the song “Interrupted by Fireworks” and play it loud enough that he could feel the tempo by laying his palms flat on the speakers.

After his roommates complained about the noise, he only did it again at times when they weren’t home.

AmazingPhil This is going to seem really weird, but I’ve felt awkward about bringing it up. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire I am the king of awkward lol 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire Bring what up? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil It’s just, we’ve been talking for weeks, and I haven’t said anything about it. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire ??? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Okay, well, I’m Deaf. 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire You cant hear? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Yes, Dan, that’s what Deaf means. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire Hey no need to be a jerk about it. I’m just surprised. 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire Why didn’t you ever say anything? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Well, I thought you would have figured it out from some of my videos and stuff I’ve tweeted, but then when you started talking about music, I just … 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire I am such an idiot. 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil No you’re not! That’s why I didn’t want to say anything! 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire why? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Because I liked talking to you, and I didn’t want you to be embarrassed or something. Or to maybe think I was a freak or something. 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire I dont think your a freak 27 September 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire the whole reason i started liking your videos was because you dont talk in them 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire is that weird? 27 September 2009

AmazingPhil Maybe we’re both a little weird. But I don’t mind if you don’t. :) 27 September 2009

danisnotonfire xD 27 September 2009

One of Phil’s old friends from school had gone all the way to America to attend Gallaudet University, since it was the most highly respected university for the Deaf in the world. She’d had to study ASL in advance, of course, since it was a completely different language than BSL, but she seemed to be really enjoying her studies there. Apparently the sense of Deaf community there was more than she’d even imagined in Manchester. She practically glowed when she talked about her feeling of belonging.

Phil was jealous.

He’d chosen York because of his interest in their graduate program in video postproduction, since he’d loved experimenting with film since childhood, but his isolation as an undergraduate made him wonder how well a Deaf student would be received in the graduate program. Would they even make any accommodation for him in studying what they might perceive as a definitively audio and visual medium?

He and Sharon occasionally Skyped when the time difference allowed, but she now sometimes slipped into ASL without noticing, and Phil found himself feeling like even his Deaf friends were slipping away.

AmazingPhil Maybe we could Skype sometime? I mean, I can’t talk, obviously, or hear you, but we could at least see each other in real life and not just Dailybooth pics. :] 2 October 2009

danisnotonfire How would we talk tho? 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil I don’t know. We could write on paper and hold it up or something? 2 October 2009

[a few minutes pass]

danisnotonfire ok 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil Now? 2 October 2009

danisnotonfire ok 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil YAY! 2 October 2009

AmazingPhil See you soon! 2 October 2009

Dan seemed cripplingly shy in their first Skype call. He avoided eye contact much of the time, which made communicating rather difficult, but he loosened up a bit by the end and even seemed to flirt a bit.

Phil tried really hard not to develop a crush.

He was not particularly successful.

They exchanged phone numbers and began texting constantly, not to mention the lengthy Skype calls. Dan talked about his own interest in making videos, but gloomily doubted his ability to create anything interesting or worthwhile. Phil urged him to give it a try.

15 October 2009

Phil: I think you should upload it. It’s really good. Really!

Dan: I don’t now. I’m afraid people will think its kind of weird.

Phil: Weird is kind of our thing, though, isn’t it? :p

Dan: I just dont want to look stupid or soemething. i mean it kind of sucks

Phil: Dan, it’s brilliant. I promise.

Phil: I have to ask, though. The subtitle thing. Did you do that because of me?

Dan: No. I dont know. Not really. i just liked it. I thought it looked cool.

Phil: It DOES look cool. I just didn’t want …

Dan: what?

Phil: I don’t know. I didn’t want you to be making videos for me like that just because I’m Deaf. I know that sounds stupid. Never mind.

Dan: No i now what you mean. That wasn’t why i did it. I told you i first liked your videos becuz you didnt talk in them. So I guess I liked that style, but mine is different. right?

Phil: Of course! Your style is completely different from mine! I love the old-time silent movie thing, with the title cards and everything. It’s really unique! That’s why I think it’s so brilliant!

Phil: That’s why you should definitely upload it.

Dan: really?

Phil: Absolutely!

[a few minutes pass]

Dan: ok

Dan: maybe tmorrow

When Dan uploaded his first video, Phil tweeted about it enthusiastically to encourage his own online friends and fans to check it out, and unsurprisingly people loved it.

Dan’s unique, silent film era style, complete with occasional sepia tones and use of fancy-font title cards to communicate all dialogue and narration, approached modern-day storytelling and vlogging from a completely fresh perspective. He told stories about his own life, but in a style no one had used before.

People were intrigued. Other YouTubers Phil had come to know over the years quickly began interacting with Dan on Twitter, and Dan gathered an enthusiastic audience almost right from the start.

And Dan’s looks certainly didn’t hurt. Phil tried to ignore any jealousy he felt about the amount of flirting he saw going on publicly over social media. He and Dan were friends. Maybe they flirted, but apparently Dan flirted with everyone. It didn’t mean anything.

23 October 2009

Phil: Are you going to the Halloween gathering in London next week?

Dan: no

Phil: Why not? You’re officially a YouTuber now! You should come!

Dan: I can’t

Phil: We could finally meet. That would be so cool!

Dan: I said I cant

Dan: Just drop it ok?

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push or anything.

Phil: I mean, of course if you don’t want to come, that’s fine.

Phil: I just thought it would be cool to meet you in person.

Phil: I mean, you’re one of my closest friends now and we’ve never even met!

[no response]

[after an hour, Phil logs off]

Phil took the train to London and attended the Halloween Gathering on his own, but felt Dan’s absence keenly the entire time. He brought a white board and a few different colored pens so he could communicate with people more easily, and found that YouTubers were less shy about such things than the average uni student seemed to be. They seemed to find the white board an intriguing novelty and eagerly interacted with him through it.

They didn’t treat him like a freak.

Or, at least, they treated him like their own kind of freak.

He’d discovered a different community. One that wasn’t perhaps as easily familiar and comfortable as the Deaf community he’d grown up in, but a community nonetheless.

He just wished Dan had gotten to experience it, too.

He kept in touch with another YouTuber he’d met at the London gathering, a guy named PJ who had been particularly unselfconscious about using pantomime, facial expression, and the occasional impromptu prop to communicate with Phil instead of relying exclusively on words written on the white board.

Their brains seemed to work in similarly creative ways, and they collaborated on a sort of abstract short film they’d sketched out together on a series of paper napkins during dinner at the gathering. Phil was pretty proud of the way the project turned out, and PJ seemed happy with it, too. They put it up on PJ’s channel, and it got quite a bit of enthusiastic viewer response.

Dan’s blatantly passive-aggressive jealousy about the whole thing was Phil’s first hint that his own more-than-platonic interest might be reciprocated, but he tried not to get his hopes up.

13 December 2009

Dan: I can’t believe I hit 10,000 subscribers!

Phil: Yeah, well, everybody loves danisnotonfire.

Dan: really? so that includes you? ;)

Phil: Nah. Not me.

Phil: I don’t love danisnotonfire.

Phil: I love Dan Howell.

[a minute passes]

Dan: I love Phil Lester, too.

Phil finished his graduate degree in York and returned to Manchester to find himself a flat on his own. He liked the independence but also enjoyed being closer to his family again, and some of his friends from school and college had returned to the area after uni as well.

Returning to some involvement with Deaf culture encouraged Phil to gradually shift the content of his videos, as he became more comfortable openly signing anecdotes about his life, influenced no doubt by Dan’s focus on his everyday life experiences in his own videos.

Viewer response was mixed. Some of Phil’s loyal audience rolled with the changes and seemed to enjoy the more personal glimpses into his life and personality, but others left ignorant, offensive comments about deafness and sign language. He lost some subscribers. Making his content more personal had made the cruel comments feel more personal, too. But when something online hurt his feelings, he just texted a real-life person he knew accepted him just as he was, and it helped.

Being able to sign with people again made his life richer and more fulfilling … and yet he found himself looking forward to his evening Skype calls more than any real-life interactions with his old friends. His family expressed concern that this obsession with a “stranger” on the Internet wasn’t healthy, but they just didn’t understand.

Phil had fallen harder than he ever had before, and with someone he’d never even met in person.

In a strange way, Phil felt simultaneously happier and lonelier than he’d ever been.

11 June 2011

Phil: Are you going to Summer in the City this year?

Dan: no

Phil: You have a lot of fans now. I’m sure they’d like to meet you!

Phil: And there are other people who would like to meet you, too! :p

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: Dan?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: I said no. Jesus phil just leave it the fuck alone!

Phil: Hey, I’m sorry! I’m not trying to pressure you!

Phil: I’m just starting to feel like this is kind of weird. Like I have a boyfriend I’ve never even met.

Dan: weird is what we do, right?

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: Yeah. Right.

Phil: I know.

Phil: I’d just really like to meet you.

[no response]

[after a really long time, Phil logs off]

Phil attended Summer in the City on his own again, painfully aware of how much closer he was to Dan when he visited London than when he was back home in Manchester. Painfully aware that Dan not only hadn’t wanted to attend the convention, but hadn’t even responded to Phil’s desire to meet.

He talked with other YouTubers, made plans for possible future collaborations, and hugged dozens of enthusiastic fans, took hundreds of smiling selfies. But the entire time, he couldn’t help but think that Dan was only 40 miles away, instead of the usual 200. Less than an hour by train.

So near, and yet not within reach. He felt it like a physical pain.

15 June 2011

Dan: remember when you first told me you were deaf?

Phil: Yeah?

Dan: and you were afraid i woud think you were a freak

Phil: Right, but you didn’t. Right?

Dan: of course not you idiot <3

Phil: So what’s going on?

Dan: theres soemthing i havent told you

Phil: You can tell me anything. I love you. You know that.

Dan: but its really weird

Phil: Weird is what we do. <3<3<3

[several minutes pass]

Dan: i dont talk

Phil: Like you’re shy? I wondered if that might be why you wouldn’t go to the gatherings and stuff.

Dan: no i dont talk

Phil: But you talk to me all the time. I’m confused.

Dan: i mean to people. out loud. irl i don’t talk. ever

Phil: Okay.

Dan: ok?

Phil: Yeah. Okay. I mean, I don’t talk either. Are you Deaf too? Is that why you don’t talk? Why didn’t you ever say anything?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: no i’m not deaf i just dont talk

Phil: It’s okay, Dan. I just want to understand. Why don’t you talk?

[no response]

[after a very, very long time, Phil logs off]

Phil didn’t know what to do with what Dan had told him, especially since Dan had sort of dropped a bomb and then just run off without explaining anything.

One thing was clear, though. Dan didn’t like being pushed. When he wanted to talk about this—no pun intended—he would.

Because if one other thing was clear, it was that Phil was willing to wait.

6 July 2011

Dan: You havent brought it up.

Phil: What?

Dan: You havent ever asked about the talking thing.

Phil: I did. You didn’t answer.

Dan: yeah but you havent asked again since

Phil: Did you want me to?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: I dont know. maybe

Phil: Okay. Why don’t you talk?

[several minutes pass]

Dan: I havent talked since I was 8.

Phil: Wow. That’s a long time.

[a few minutes pass]

Dan: yeah

[a few minutes pass]

Phil: Is that why you never wanted to meet?

Dan: yeah i didn’t want you to think I was a freak

Phil: Dan, weird is what we do. And I’m Deaf!

Dan: Well yeah but you dont do that on purpose.

Phil: You do it on purpose?

Dan: sort of i guess

Phil: So you could talk if you wanted to, but you don’t want to?

[several minutes pass]

Phil: Dan?

[several minutes pass]

Phil: Dan, I don’t think you’re a freak. Just talk to me.

Phil: Crap. You know what I mean.

[no response]

[hours later, Phil finally logs off]

Phil did some research into muteness that someone might call “on purpose,” just wanting to understand, and found himself wondering if what Dan experienced was maybe something called “selective mutism” or maybe a “conversion disorder.” As far as he could tell, neither one was truly something anyone did purposely, but, really, if Dan didn’t want to talk about it, Phil wouldn’t be able to understand much at all. He just wanted to educate himself a bit so that if Dan ever did want to talk about it, he’d be less likely to say something stupid and make Dan shut down even more.

12 February 2012

Dan: I have a question to ask you.

Phil: Okay.

Dan: but its making me really nervous

Phil: I love you, Dan. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay. I promise. <3

[several minutes pass]

Dan: do you think maybe i could come visit you in manchester?

Phil: Skype me right now this very minute because you have to see how big my smile is! <3<3<3<3<3

[Continue to Chapter 3]

#phanfiction #phanfic #phan #dan and phil #phan au #phanfic au #au phanfic #phan deaf au #myphanfic