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#maybe its just specifically how me and my community and friends exist together but like. im not one to shy away from heavy topics or to tal
hickoryhorneddevils · 5 months
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genuinely so fucking tired of the 'conversation' around 'trauma dumping'. none of you know how to use that word AND none of you motherfuckers understand what boundaries are. like yes if theres a pattern of someone or multiple people throwing heavy and triggering shit on you unprompted then theres an issue and they need to redirect their behavior, but so do you!! you need to communicate if you are uncomfortable and/or do not have the capacity to discuss things!!! YOU.
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fic rec friday 13
welcome the the tenth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.
1. i was always yours (even before you knew it) by paladarns
Lance thought Keith was just an asshole. Lance has always thought of Keith as an asshole, all throughout traveling into space in a large mechanical lion, all throughout bonding moments. All throughout becoming closer as teammates and friends.
Even now, with his hands pinned above his head and Keith’s thighs straddling his waist, Lance thinks Keith is an asshole.
Lance had always thought he could see right through people, but now he’s starting to think he has a bad judgement of people.
---------- a fic in which keith is obvious and lance is a bit of a gay nervous wreck
takes place as if season 1 is the only season to exist but its now years later
so many things to love about this fic. so so many. so i am going to list them. a) secret relationship bc i love that shit and eat it up every time, b) ‘takes place as if season 1 is the only season to exist but its now years later’ -- paladarns my love thank you for this truly excellent description of where i write my fics like 80% of the time. c) keith has game, and d)  HE WAS ALWAYS KEITHS EVEN BEFORE HE KNEW IT IM SOBBING BEST TROPE BEST TROPE
2. Wake Up, Sleephyhead! by @transbakugou
Keith has never loved someone like he loves Lance. Lance is his sun, his stars, his happiness. Their hands fit together like they were created to do nothing but hold each other, and he fits perfectly inside of Lance's arms. But he can never let anyone find out how much he loves this boy, how wholly and endlessly. Who knows what the Galra would do with that kind of information?
One morning, the lie comes crashing down around them.
Maybe it won't be as bad as they feared.
i love gay whipped klance and truly every single fic that has ever been written based on a vine is truly amazing, this fic is no exception. also secret relationship lol i am a sucker
3. Something Secret by @kingswriting
It was funny at first. Their arguments became more banter than actual disagreements, yet the entire team continued to assume they were at each other’s throats.
And Lance knows they’re not. He is fully aware that every sharp word, every sly smirk, every heavy handed push, and everything in between is anything but malicious.
But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss the softer side of things.
Or, Lance and Keith are in a secret relationship, but honestly want to omit the 'secret' part.
okay u can always tell what tag im following obsessively at certain times lol. for yall i present yet another secret relationship fic. ahem. this one is cute! banter and flirting and misleading and kisses and GOD its so sweet
4. Things Held Sacred by yarrie
So maybe, just maybe, Pidge was right. Maybe, just maybe, Keith had shot himself in the foot with his first attempt at resolving the blanket-hogging situation, because now Lance seemed to think it was a game and the rules were: steal the blankets, get sex.
To be fair, Keith hadn't exactly been...dissuading him very well.
okay so heres how this works. every fic rec friday so far has been from a specific collection of mine called ‘rereadables’, which was literally started because of this fic. i dont even know what specific part of this fic gets to me so hard, but you know when you read something that makes your stomach go all swoopy? and you can’t stop smiling? thats this fic! i remember i finished it for the first time and then i scrolled right back up to the top and read it again, then again, and again. like i cannot get over this fic. it gives me butterflies every time
5. Communication is key, they say by @ellana17
They already had communication issues before… Or: a malfunction with a healing pod leaves Lance able to speak only Spanish for a few days.
the idea of lance getting stuck in spanish and then almost immediately using that to flirt with keith without him knowing. like. i love that SO much that is quite possibly one of the funniest concepts to exist
that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!
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burningvelvet · 8 months
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okay more thoughts on pride and prejudice as i begin chapter 39
1 i want to see lady catherine, mrs. bennet, and miss bingley in the same room together on a podcast panel debating things like marriage and childrearing etc but i dont think the world would be able to handle it
2 i’m interpreting mr. darcy as either being neurodivergent (possibly autistic) and/or having severe social anxiety — and this is really informing my entire perspective of his character (as a core theme to his character is being socially understood/misunderstood). however, i know its still very controversial to “diagnose” fictional characters and i don’t want to come off that way — but historical complications aside (the field of psychology didn’t exist back then how it does now) it’s really obvious to see that he’s not neurotypical, although i don’t know if this is an accepted thing in the austen world though!
3 i’m not buying that mr. darcy’s letter was only 2 pages long. 3 pages minimum with tiny handwriting maybe.
4 this entire novel really highlights the importance of social communication more than anything imo
5 mr. collins is fucking hilarious and his interactions with elizabeth are so accurate/relatable of what it’s like to deal with oblivious men as a female, esp. men who dont know how to take a hint — i was actually laughing out loud through his entire proposal sequence, especially at the line where it says elizabeth is trying hard not to laugh too. so familiar.
6 i wish we could see more of charles i actually like him — i also like colonel fitzwilliam and kind of wanted him to marry elizabeth - its kind of hilarious how casual the topic of marriage is with people you’ve just met & i really want to read more about regency history on marriage specifically now to figure out how much is embellished for satire purposes & how much is true to life
7 i have many thoughts on wickham but thats for a separate post
8 from what little i’ve read about p&p analysis/consensus so far, it seems mrs bennet and some other characters have already been torn to shreds over lit history to the point that its become more common to defend them & mrs bennet in particular, which i understand bc she’s supposed to be a satire on women of the time period but of course her concerns are valid and there are real economic reasons for her actions and societal norms that pertain to them. i’ve also read that it’s common for people to prefer mr bennet over his wife and to pit them against each other which can lead into misogyny & i can see this. however (im sure the bennet family ends up happy at the end, but at this point in the story) i think there are valid reasons for these interpretations which lead people to like mr bennet more than mrs bennet. after the ordeal with collins i really lost respect for mrs bennet for threatening to disown eliza & treating her so harshly, and i gained respect for mr bennet for sticking by eliza. i continuously defended mrs bennet and her behavior up until the collins proposal. i understand she’s desperate for eliza to marry so that she doesn’t become destitute etc. but mr collins simply isnt an ideal husband
9 eliza’s feelings on her friend marrying collins are so sad and relatable of how all of us feel when we watch a friend or loved one enter a shitty relationship and/or betray themselves or lose a part of their personality + the idea of having to mourn your friend especially upon growing up etc. but particularly as it relates to the lonely woman’s experience of finding one’s friends starting to center males & prioritize romance over friendship the older you get.
hope some of this is semi-intelligible - i save the grammar for my real essays - but felt like rambling
i think in my last post i was spelling “bennet” as “bennett” so i apologize for that lol - pls dont kill me janeites, i’m new here!!!
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drbased · 2 months
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Time for another major take-down
This is a Big One. I'm going to analyse I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out.
Part 1
Let's get into it. Firstly, the note at the start: I hate how it's become commonplace to write something online - a literal public space, accessible to anyone - and then when criticised immediately back-track and call it 'private' and 'a diary entry'. This applies to radfems on tumblr, or anyone tbh. If you want something to remain private, write it privately.
Correlation, meet causation.
Yeah, there's a reason the phrase 'correlation does not equal cause causation' exists. But this is the primary tool of human narrative-making and exactly why it is so easy for trans-identified people to discover past 'evidence' of their gender. Occam's razor is thrown out because the dull reality feels much less significant than the constructed narrative.
Ever the magical thinker, I tell myself that if I wish out loud one thousand times, I will wake up with long hair in cute pajamas with a different name — and maybe freckles.
One might consider it a minor nitpick, but here lies the primary issue: the gender essentialism that people internalise as children is not discarded as sexist nonsense, but instead the sunk-cost fallacy works its magic. Of course, the author might be using some flowery language to merely evoke the image of 'girl' in the reader's mind - but the mere fact that someone in this culture is able to communicate the exact concept of biological sex by referencing sexed roles/expectations shows just how ingrained these beliefs are in our society.
The next part, at eight years old, is especially sad. Causation and correlation definitely have a rocky relationship here. He describes getting on with mostly women. Something as basic as being friends with and admiring the females in his life is seen as 'proof' of his female identity. But of course, you're a transwoman in the closet. How many of these 'women' you like and admire, are actually women? You say you think divorced, tattooed, Catie's mum is cool - what if that person is actually a man? Or if that feels like a cheap argument, do you think that all these women especially like you, above all other 'boys' your age? Do you think they can tell?
When I ask to sleep over at my friends’ houses, I am told I am not allowed. Boys are not allowed. My friend Caitie’s mother argues about this on the phone with my mother. I realize my mother is not on my side.
No sarcasm here - I don't really get this bit. Did you mean to write that girls are not allowed? Because historically, parents are fine with boys having sleepovers together - it's typically cross-sex sleepovers that parents find an issue with, for all sorts of reasons. Not allowing sleepvers with other boys would be a concern of your mum specifically; nothing to do with gender. And speaking of your mum, your takeaway is that she's not on your side? What a strangely powerful conclusion to come to from one minor thing. Parents give their kids all sorts of weird and stupid rules. She might have her own reasons to not let you go to sleepovers - have you, say, asked her?
I love everything my sister loves, but I will not admit it. I know she and her friends will make fun of me. I know my parents will chastise me and correct me. I am learning the rules, and I am learning that boys liking girl things is a very high stakes issue. I am learning that adults react the same way to my interest in makeup as they do to my interest in matches and lighters.
Oh, you're learning the rules, are you? Did you ever want to un-learn them, maybe question them a bit, at least wonder for a second why the rules are that way? I once asked a trans person in DMs if they'd wondered why certain gendered expectations exist, and they responded 'to be honest, I hadn't really thought about it'. Remember, trans people are supposed to know more about gender than cis people. I've known trans people IRL to obsess over the details of their passing with zero questioning of the status quo. The fact that we're supposed to consider this rhetoric to be truly radical is telling.
As if maybe, by being what I am, I might burn down something very important to them. Something that makes their life more comfortable and easy.
The reason that following gender expectations makes life comfortable and easy for 'cis women' is exactly the same as it is for you: because it means that they don't have to feel angry at the world, that they can accept that everything they learned during childhood is natural and healthy and they don't have to hate their parents, peers and other adults for demanding certain things of them, and now as adults they retain certain 'perks' for conforming. You're only fractionally better because you're rejecting one set of expectations in favour of another - but in another way you're a whole lot worse because you're literally a member of the oppressor class wearing the costume of the oppressed class and thinking that makes you privy to their experiences. You're the one with a privilege so important to you that women's freedom and liberation would burn it down.
I am jealous of my sister’s clothing. One day, home alone after school, I sneak into her room and pull on her Tinkerbell Halloween costume. I slip the elastic straps over my shoulders, then the tights along my legs. It fits.
Ah, the classic. The charitable version of me acknowledges that many trans people have been perfectly willing to admit (especially pre 2016) that they're dysphoric over sex and will accept these surface-level associations purely to help them relieve dysphoria. And I understand that. But this man claimed at the start that correlation = causation, here. And you cannot tell me that everyone who has read this will be thinking as deeply as I am - many people are fully happy to admit that this has nothing to do with sex and entirely to do with gender i.e. gendered roles and expectations. To many people, that Tinkerbell costume is synonymous with 'female'. It makes you wonder why we decided to say that vaginas are female sex organs at all, if gender can be summed up with long hair and cute pyjamas.
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banavalope · 1 year
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Really apropos of nothing - from your perspective, anyway - but I do wish it were. Easier? Less open for exploitation? For artists to be able to explore the concept of shared / collaborative universes more often in the pursuit of creating original art.
(more discussion of topic under cut in the event no one cares lol)
I'll note first that I'm having a different conversation here than the ad nauseam one about an artist's right to own and profit off their intellectual property. We do not disagree on this point, I am staunchly in favor, always, of independent artists staking claim on what is theirs and protecting themselves with ownership and copyright. What I'm against is corporate abuse of this protection, because literally what do they need it for, they are billionaires. Eat my ass, my life has only been made worse learning that Disney tried to fucking copyright the names Thor and Loki. So, let's digress.
I'm coming at this from a background of having grown up on adoptables RPG forums circa Gaiaonline, it was a large portion of my internet community life; the concept of an adoptables RPG is tangentially related to shared universes. They have similar DNA: a collection of people all flocking to a concept and, through communal effort, build the canon together. It's non-commital, it's more than just you and some friends creating a story, it's a little like an open RPG except you get to keep whatever you made up if you decide you're jumping ship from Gaia to Deviantart because let's say you got into a weird internet fight once with a 22 year old over a PNG you paid fake money for, and have decided you really just don't need that kind of drama in your life now that you've turned 17.
Where they differ is in the most important aspect of one being open source by permission, and the other by design.
Collaborative works like Orion's Arm, or SCP for a more mainstream example, are fascinating examples of what I mean. The dedication to building open source fictional backdrops anyone can use for anything, for profit or not, that nobody can solely own. Of course, I feel like these examples exist so perfectly because the sci-fi genre has itself always been this way. D&D is also this way. Those are nice points of inspirational reference, but they're only two genres. Very specific genres, at that.
Because you have to sometimes consider, there exist people who want to write, or want to create, who are likely very good at these things, but struggle to come up with an """""original""""" idea within their topic of interest. Maybe their interest is so niche it's impossible to separate it from the original point of inspiration (see: every time someone calls out typing quirks as homestuck derivative) Alternatively are the people good at coming up with a multitude of ideas based on one topic, but no good at stringing them together into some kind of cohesive idea, or maybe just lack the motivation to do it. Not everything has to be a thing, sometimes you just want to share an idea in a way that matters without it being your magnum opus. Yeah, you could post them into the screaming void of the social media abyss, though it's hardly a satisfying compromise.
Imagine the work that could be created if there were genres upon genres of open source worldbuilding projects, and the safety of knowing the idea you're riffing off of hurts no one to use, as being riffed off of is its intended purpose for existing. Nobody owns it! We all agreed to that at the start! Go nuts! Sell it, if you want to!
"You're just describing fandom AU", yes, dear reader, astute observation. Shared universes are, to me, the natural evolution of a fandom. Instead of only joking about how, after a point, an AU is just an original story, or a certain amount of headcanons creates a whole new character, you take that joke to its logical conclusion. Maybe it goes under recognized as the next step up because we're all so focused on making fun of people for it, but to say so risks sounding spicy.
Anyway, I love collaborative storytelling, I love shared universes and open source material, so much so that I want to bake it into my own art projects. I want there to be more free art created and curated by independent artists, ensuring struggling independent artists who can't afford to be free are able to make their living. I want art to be more accessible beyond just access to products. I have exhausted the SCP wiki, and hunger.
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One of your WIPs has a magic royal family that employs its unique strength to convince their populace that they are essentially omnipotent and should have unfettered access to all political power. I was wondering, in the history of your world, what range of opinions the actual members of this family have on this state of affairs? What is done with members of the family who think the whole thing is bullshit, assuming they exist? Do they have enough information to put to lie a little bit of the artifice the family holds?
HOLY SHIT thank you for this ask my friend! I can't believe you remembered all that haha<333333
I had so much fun with this and it helped me flesh out a ton of stuff!! These were the exact prompt questions I needed at this stage in my worldbuilding.
But uhhh... warning. This Loooonnnggg
I'll start with a little (pre-)history (for background).
The distinction between magic and science in this world (for the specific peoples who would go on to establish the monarchy) did not exist until the rise of the monarchy. It wasn't that they thought magic was just science that had yet to be understood or that they thought all science was magic... they didn't use that language at all. There were just things that happened, that therefore were real.
If we retroactively apply the later monarchical concept of magic to the pre-monarchy era, "magic" in some ways would have been like if everyone and their neighbour owned a nuclear arsenal. Except worse and harder to wrap your head around. There wasn't really a need for trade, conquest, or communal resource-sharing but there were strong familial bonds (because children were still dependent on parents, and then grew up having relationships with siblings, aunts and uncles, grandparents etc.). The need to separate "magic" from the rest of reality emerged first as a way to protect these relationships. It was, in a sense, a code of conduct which developed over many, many millennia and it shaped how people understood what was normal and natural versus what was against the laws of nature. What was a law of physics etc. and what was a law of magic were decided simultaneously based on what benefitted these family structures and what made it harder for them to endure.
Codifying what counted as natural and what went against nature ended up also strengthening power imbalances. Firstly between parents and children, where the child is born into the parent's world (the natural world as the parent has decided it is) and does not yet understand that they have the power to change or escape it. But the child may never figure it out and their own children may be born into the grandparent's reality instead of the parent's. The result is these elaborate clan systems where only the matriarch or patriarch (and maybe a chosen few descendants) actually knows about magic, let alone how to use it to their advantage.
Long story short, this ends up in several large clans all operating in slightly different versions of reality that occasionally interacted and that could easily become permanently severed from each other if a magic user decided so (or did so on accident). So again, in order to protect the relationships (friendships, trade in artwork and knowledge, romantic relationships) between these increasingly interconnected grounds it was decided that reality, and therefore science and magic, had to be standardized.
Eventually, a council of clan leaders came together to appoint the first queen. She had to be the most skilled and knowledgeable magic user among them, and her primary job was to use her magic to make sure everyone's scientific laws were the same and to keep anyone else from gaining enough knowledge to challenge her power. (It is slightly more complicated than this as the council obviously wouldn't want to give up their own power, but this answer is long enough lmaooooo)
Soooo, with all that background in mind, to answer your amazing questions:
What range of opinions the actual members of this family have on this state of affairs?
The very first queen (at the time) genuinely believed she was doing the right thing. It wasn't power for powers' sake (okay, maybe a little but that's for her to unpack in therapy) and she truly believed a world without someone like her would be dangerous, as she lived in such a world. She was very aware that magic and her power were nothing more than social constructs but she believed they were necessary (at least in the absence of something better).
This idea that the most magically powerful person needed to be in charge or the whole world would fall apart would go on to be the royal family's "divine right to rule" though very few people would ever actually understand why. "That's just how it is," was the de-facto answer to anyone who questioned it. Within the royal family itself, children were taught that anyone could become as powerful as them but still, it was necessary that someone be in charge and, well, how convenient they already were. It would be so much more difficult to change than to just keep on. Besides (especially after a few thousand years of this) they had been in power so long it might as well have been the intention of whatever being birthed the world in the first place that they were always meant to become the ones in charge (the existence of a creator-goddess in this world is heavily debated).
However, of course, individual royals might have their personal opinions. No one (for most of history) really is pro-"let everyone share equally in magic again and break apart reality as we know it" but there are some who are more willing to support alternative power-sharing systems that are more democratic and benevolent in nature. There are others that argue for a complete separation of magic from politics, that the royal family should stick to magic and leave the ruling to someone else; and still others that argue that it is impossible to separate the two, one, because everything is political and magic will influence what political issues exist in the first place or, two, because how the fuck do you stop someone who is nearly a god from re-taking over the world?? Like, there really is no point in trying.
I suppose there are also the power-hungry tyrants that actually like this state of affairs (and they account for a decent number).
But yeah, for the most part, the whole idea that magic power needs to be centralized and standardized, that the monarch needs the monopoly on violence so-to-speak, is so ingrained in their worldviews that they can't fathom how a world would function otherwise. So no one is really challenging it and calling the whole idea bullshit - at least, not seriously. Instead family members are more likely to disagree over things like, how should the class system be structured? Should there be one or should everyone be equal beneath the crown? How benevolent and merciful should the crown be? How involved in ruling and local issues? How much distance should the royal family keep from their people or should they mingle openly? What about between the royals and other aristocrats? Should elected local officials be allowed to make decisions that the royal family doesn't care to or must every official be appointed by the crown?
Like, trying to configure the system to work without actually changing it.
What is done with members of the family who think the whole thing is bullshit, assuming they exist?
It honestly depends on who is king/queen (or later emperor/empress) at the time. Anyone that goes as far as to share family secrets of course has to be dealt with severely, but whether that means death, imprisonment, torture, having their tongue cut out, or some magical punishment like being forgotten about by the entire world is really up to the monarch.
What is more interesting is how the royal family might do damage control if the secret gets out. (I won't get into that though because it's a decent chunk of the actual plot.)
As for other forms of dissent, some monarchs may be more tolerant of disagreement than others. As the most powerful member of the family other members can be a threat to the monarch but will never be true equals, so some monarchs may be completely tolerant even of family members who actively campaign to abolish the monarchy in favour of some form of magic republic because they just don't see them as a real threat. Other monarchs may use their power to shut down all dissent no matter how small.
Do they have enough information to put to lie a little bit of the artifice the family holds?
Okay, I must say, despite being a native English speaker I have never heard this expression before, so I assume you mean by this, "do they have enough information to expose the royal family's deception?"
If so, this is a really interesting question. I am still trying to work out just how the family prevents its members from sharing this information outside the family. Like, even if they just say, "don't tell anyone who isn't one of us," where do they draw the line? How do they stop parents who are too many generations removed from the line of succession from sharing this knowledge privately with their children? Because if this goes on for even five hundred years, then most people will be descended of the royals by that point.
In terms of if anyone in the royal family knows enough to expose the truth (that no one is inherently a more powerful magic user than everyone else, the royal family has essentially just cast a spell over the world that makes it this way, but it doesn't have to be)...
Yes and no?
Yes in that royals are taught the truth that magic is something that anyone could technically become powerful at, and they could reveal that to the rest of the world but...
No because the world is still structured in a way that makes magic come easier to some people (through socialization, and maybe some inherited traits... like if your ancestry on all sides is painters there may be a chance you also like to paint - idk how sounds this is scientifically speaking but people sure believe it. And if all the powerful magic users keep intermarrying over thousands of years... you get the point) and because the monarch has enough power to stop anyone else from getting too powerful. So theoretically everyone is equally magical but in practice... a single member of the royal family would not know enough to overthrow the monarch, implement an entirely new system of government, and deconstruct all the social and linguistic structures that reinforce monarchist and imperialist hegemony in order to actually make the world equal again.
And no because the monarch could just retroactively silence them with magic.
Like, they could speak out, but there is still a decent chance it won't change anything. Revealing the truth of how magic came to be is the first step to breaking "the spell" but it isn't enough on it's own and it can be undone easily enough.
I think I've covered all my bases here but I have the sneaking suspicion I am missing something. Oh well.
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roobylavender · 2 years
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Personal question. I know law school is hard but like, idk how to ask this 😂 is it especially hard for someone with depression and anxiety? My great uncle is a judge at city hall and he's really wanting me to follow in his footsteps ever since I've interned with him and I did love it (despite being in the city) but I ended up majoring in psych (third year) though sometimes I still think about law. I just feel like I won't be able to do it and have a breakdown. What's your candid experience?
i haven't actually started law school yet (i will in the fall) so i can't speak to that specific experience, but to get a little tmi, it ended up taking me six years to graduate from undergrad (i graduated this month) bc i was dealing with really bad depression and anxiety as well. there were a few circumstances in my life that all sort of snowballed together by the time i was finished with my second year, and thereafter i honestly had a really bad time with my degree and struggled to complete a good chunk of my courses, often taking incompletes bc by the time the end of the semester rolled around i was just.. stuck in this rut where i didn't want to do anything and could only lie in bed all day and dread all of the things i wasn't doing. i no longer had any interest in my degree (biochem) but i had to complete it bc by that time changing to something completely different would have been a waste of money and time. so i was dealing with a loss of motivation, being isolated from people my age bc i was a commuter who went straight home after classes, feeling inadequate in comparison to a lot of my high school friends bc they were out there doing things, and it altogether really took its toll. i think undergrad has certifiably been the most miserable experience of my life and i am so, so happy to be done with it.
what i think has really helped me to sort of reset my life on course despite having to deal with all that is actually having an active passion for and interest in what i'm doing now. like i still deal with periodic bouts of depression where i'm incapable of doing almost anything and my anxiety is still an obstacle i have to fight every day, but it's a little easier and more bearable to do bc i'm working towards something i genuinely want. and i think the fact that i am more actively communicating with the people around me is a huge help as well. i kind of used to let all of my problems pile onto me and lie about the existence of every single one of them until things ultimately imploded in my face, and refusing to do that now is incredibly liberating. bc i can still struggle with things but now i'm more confident to ask for help and support to deal with them, esp since the people i'm asking it of realize that me asking is a mark of my trust and honesty. and this is obv not going to be the case for every person but i feel like having more of a commitment to my faith or just to like, anything spiritual that allows me to focus my mind on something not worldly or material has really helped center me as well. so ig what i am trying to say is that like initially i thought the idea of pursuing any kind of grad school was genuinely impossible for me but now that i've built this support system and have an active interest in what i'm doing the idea doesn't seem so daunting. like it'll still be hell obv bc the readings are so intensive but if i know that i'm going to take an interest in what i'm reading and i have people to support me all the way through then i don't have to feel as bad about my personal issues with depression and anxiety
ultimately i think you still have a while before you have to decide. a lot of people obv do go straight to law school out of undergrad but there's no set rule. you might try gauging your interest in a few other ways too, like maybe interning under a lawyer at a non-profit group, or even studying for the lsat and seeing how you do on practice tests to see if you can get into the same mindset that they're trying to cultivate in you. i feel like the nice thing about law is there's not really any prerequisites to apply like you can major in anything, the lsat is not content-based review so you don't have to memorize anything, just study question structure and logic games, and i think if you are someone who is as neurotic about analysis and picking out the nitty gritty details in things then it's definitely easy to get invested in. but i def wouldn't sell yourself short in terms of your ability to get through it while having these conditions, esp if you have a support system in place. that really is the biggest thing to me about pursuing any kind of grad school is making sure you have a support system and then like, having things in your life that you can ground yourself in so that the depression and anxiety don't consume you. like hobbies, spending time with family, the spirituality stuff. if you have those foundations then i think most people would agree you can get through pretty much anything, so long as you have the passion for it, bc you will care enough to make it work how you need it to work
def let me know if you ever have any other questions, and i hope this helps! idk how much time i'll have in the fall but i can try to provide updates or tips every now and then as i make my way through ❤️
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pastramimommy · 29 days
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3/30/24
It has been a solid first month of transitioning to the new little life! I enjoy the content of my job a lot, and there is so much for me to learn. They tell me I'm doing a great job so far but I'm still very anxious to be on my own because I fear that I will move to slow and piss off my coworkers and the doctors but i'm just gonna have to give myself some grace. There is not a lot of people at work that I relate to given our difference in age and experience, but that is what I anticipated and am already finding friends to hang out with outside of work. I am trying hard to be social and fight the urge to keep to myself, but its hard to be outgoing so early in the morning, esp while multitasking/trying to learn. My goal is to mind my own business and not talk shit about other people and not to give anyone a reason to talk shit about me.
My biggest wins have been consistency with exercise, especially pole. Struggling to find ways to do endurance cardio given ability to run safely. but the focus on flexibility and specific movements has been fruitful! Still need to work on keeping workouts to 1hr max.
I am still enjoying the church I found, but have yet to really dive into it and build relationships there. I have been doing a horrible job doing the Examen before bed because I knock out so fast. I have been doing the bible app's guided reflection before work but maybe I'll switch them.
I am so proud of myself for maintaining a pretty strong morning routine and including my planner and prayer.
While I made solid progress on making new friends here there really is a limit on how much fun stuff I can actually do bc money. So I just need to find that balance. I am truly going to be in a financial deficit for awhile and I really truly need to figure out how YNAB works and adhere to my budget. I’ve started being more intentional with grocery shopping and only getting what’s on my list. But this is fr the area that needs the most attention.
I spent a lot of my energy just focusing on making this transition period seamless but with that I have neglected to keep up with existing relationships so I plan to catch up with 1 person per week. Possibly just get used to texting people for updates.
Chris is good dude. Genuinely it’s not so bad so far. He puts in a lot of effort to spend time with me and it’s way more than I anticipated honestly and I’m still busy regardless so I don’t ever feel lonely or disappointed. Our relationship feels really strong right now and I’m starting to feel what life together could actually be like. I think our communication has been great, granted we haven’t had any real issues yet but still proud of where we are at.
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rec-diary · 5 months
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How to break up with your boyfriend
Well Narcissus, it appears I have discovered a third type of movie-one that is neither plot driven nor character driven, but theme driven.
Technically speaking, this is a difficult one to pull off. A thematically heavy film does not have the intricacies of plot development nor the emotional payoff of character development. Usually a movie of yours makes me either think hard or feel deep. And those so far have been character movies or plot movies. This theme movie, on the other hand, evokes specific feelings and makes you think about them, that is, stimulating both thinking and feeling in equal measures.
Enough thesis talk, onwards.
The central theme of Midsommar is contrasting ideals.
Orphan and family. Death and rebirth. Isolated and cherished. Winter and summer. Juxtaposition at its finest, with Dani’s entire biological family being snuffed out, her remaining ties to the outside world burnt away, to a new life in a community that embraces and accepts her.
Dani finally finds what she needs, although in a perverse manner.
The movie is seasoned with heavy foreshadowing throughout. The tapestries at the beginning summarize what is to unfold, while the ahem other tapestry is a blatant 'this is what happens next literally' poster (yeah, the pubic hair love potion one). There is also a painting of a bear and a girl at Dani’s apartment.
There is also a lot of focus on breathing. Dani’s breath can be heard throughout, especially during her panic attacks, the commune has a particular exhale-inhale ritual after downing drug juices, Dani’s family dies by inhaling toxic fumes. I don’t know what this symbolizes. To breathe is the first act of existence, and is often the last. Maybe a nod to the cyclical imagery? Or I’m thinking too much here.
It’s kind of nifty how the boyfriend is named Christian, and the entire movie is about pagan rituals. Another juxtaposition.
The 'friends' represent hubris. Josh is consumed by his academic pursuits, his desire for knowledge leading to death. Mark is consumed by horny. And that’s about it for him, I guess. He’s there to supply dark humor and then get his skin worn by someone.
Another aspect of this movie is grief and trauma. Throughout most of the runtime, Dani is alone. She is left to process her grief on her own, her support system of a boyfriend just doing the bare minimum to not be labelled as 'the asshole that leaves the girl when her entire family is dead'. However in the end, when Dani breaks down after seeing said boyfriend do A FUCKING SIXTEEN YEAR OLD, she is not alone. The women around share her pain, mirror her wailings and expressions of anguish, and cry together with her.
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And thus the May Queen is born into her own.
That brings us to Pelle. To me, this is the only interesting character here, since everyone else just exist to personify ideals. Pelle, lures his ‘friends’ for the sacrifice by taking advantage of their lust (and probably to score some brownie points at his little commune). He brings Dani for his personal interests (so much eye-fucking here) and knows he can fuck her for life after Christian is disposed off, once done fucking the teenager (the mating ritual is burned into my retinas, thanks very much Narcissus). All of this makes him look like a selfish and opportunistic person, but from the community’s perspective he is viewed as a valued member, a custom-abiding nice guy who supplies useful 'new blood' for said customs. Oh, another juxtaposition.
What is the message of Midsommar then? All the juxtaposition and shock value aside, is there anything in this movie to take home?
I am not really sure there is.
Don’t get me wrong, it's a work of art. The intent in each shot. The haunting soundtrack. A genre-defying experience of its own kind.
But somehow at the end of the day, it feels empty, lacking in soul and wanting for depth. Just like Dani’s smile.
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festeringfae · 10 months
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I don’t know about this. Or maybe I’m just lacking context for your post. But as an Aro-Ace person, one reason I don’t feel “queer enough” is because many LGBT people don’t consider Asexuality to be queer. It’s not just coming from internalized heteronormativity, it’s coming from external feedback from members of the queer community who don’t think we belong.
I’m not saying all the blame falls on the queer community. But it sounds to me like you’re saying the “not queer enough” feeling *only* comes from the idea of being more familiar with cishet society, and that doesn’t sit right with me either. Maybe for some people that can be true. But I understand why some direct their frustrations at the queer community instead. Because the queer community is supposed to be where you go to feel welcome when you don’t identify as cishet anymore, but some of us don’t feel welcome there either.
So the reason I specified "queer enough" rather than "recognized as a member of the queer community" is because I'm specifically discussing the phenomenon of individual people blaming queer people as a community for their former inability to recognize themselves as a queer individual, rather than blaming the cishet systems that made them assume love and sex and attraction could only exist for them, their individual self, within one very specific framework.
In the example you provide, while debate over what ""counts" as queer identity exists, we can both agree that the queer community is not the reason or source of the default presumption in society that everyone experiences attraction the same way, correct? The origins of that are very clearly systems of power created by and for people who benefit from cisheterosexuality being the norm. So that means the source of any stigma or harm due to deviation from sexual or romantic norms is rooted in cisheterosecuality, not queerness-- regardless of how individual queer people try to gatekeep the label "queer" from others.
(As an aside, this is also why I think there's only harm and no benefit to discussions about who/what is "included" in the label "queer" or "LGBT." The former is meant to be a purposeful rejection of specificity, the latter is literally an acronym with a + or a * tacked on like w post it note that reads "if I didn't consider your existence, you can't get mad at me, because yes I did, I said 'et cetera!' The only purpose in grouping us all together is to refer to people whose existence demonstrates that society's default assumptions about gender, love, and sex are not innate facts, but narratives created by oppressive institutions to serve their own agendas.)
Also, "the queer community" as I use the term is not the same thing as "gatherings where queer people meet," although since I started my post referencing the concept of "at Pride," I see how that distinction might have gotten lost in the sauce. Here's an example:
As a woman, I feel very alienated by gatherings designated for queer people but are very clearly for men-- but I don't blame the queer community for misogyny existing, I blame patriarchy. That doesn't mean there isn't misogyny in the queer community, it just means the existence of the queer community isn't the reason why misogyny exists.
I used the woman example because I am one, and I'm uncomfortable using identities I don't have in rhetorical explanations, but there are plenty of other forms of bigotry within the queer community. Those are all still separate issues than individuals who assumed they had to be straight, thinking the reason they assumed that is because other queer people didn't do a good enough job of explaining queerness to them, and then resenting other queer people for it, because its easier to do that than resent every friend, movie, family member, job, tv show, school, acquaintance, church, doctor, poster, teacher, stranger, podcast, storybook that made them assume they were straight in the first place.
This reply feels a little all over the place, but I hope it helped clarify things for you, anon.
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beels-burger-babe · 3 years
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The Façade of the Suitor - Pt. 2
***Wow! You guys are really digging this series! Thank you so much for your support 🥰🥰🥰 I don't get to share OCs often, so it's really reassuring to see you guys take to Harlow. She's a character, that's for sure 😅😅 Thanks for all the love! - B*** Summary: MC catches the eye of Lady Harlow, a higher demoness who has had a small feud with the brothers for centuries. She's determined to steal MC from them and keep MC under her wing. The brothers, however, are determined not to let that happen. Part 1, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6
After a week had passed since the ball, Lucifer had dared to hope that maybe that had been the end of things and that Harlow would just leave him and you alone. But fate had never been on his side. A letter arrived in the mail, sealed with a horrifyingly familiar purple stamp and her nauseating fragrance. It was, of course, addressed to you.
Lucifer's nose wrinkled in distaste. He'd have to dispose of this before you ever caught sight of it. He had turned to do exactly that when he bumped into Satan and dropped the letter. Satan sighed and bent down to pick it up. "I thought that you of all people would be capable of watching where you're," he stopped short as he finally looked at the letter. Satan's jaw clenched as he looked back at Lucifer. "Why in Diavolo's name are you in contact with her again?" Lucifer sighed and tried to take the letter back, Satan stepped out of his reach. He glared at the angry demon. "Not that it's any of your business-" "Not my business?!" Satan snapped before Lucifer could finish his explanation. "She turned you against all of us and nearly tore this family a part and you don't think it's my business if you're in contact with that- that- that snake again?!"
Lucifer growled at the reminder of his past failure. "If I had a choice, I would wipe her foul existence from the face of this realm, but I can't. I loath that woman as much as you do. The letter isn't addressed to me. It's to MC."
Satan's eyes widened and quickly looked down at the letter, seeing your name scrawled in her disgustingly perfect cursive font. He dropped the letter as though it had burned him. "We can't let them see this. Harlow shouldn't even know MC exists! How the fuck did this happen?"
Lucifer picked up the letter, " The exchange program ball. Near the end of the evening, MC and I were relaxing near a wall and Harlow approached us." Satan looked at his brother as though he had two heads. "And you just let her?" This quickly earned the younger demon another glare. "We were at a public event where I was representing our House and Diavolo and MC was representing the human realm. There wasn't much I could do without causing a scene." Satan rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air. "Of course! You'd let Harlow sink her claws into MC just so you can protect your reputation. I forgot who I was talking to for a moment." Beel stepped out of the kitchen and into the room at the sound of the yelling. "What's going on?" "Noth-" "Harlow's trying to get to MC." The "father and son" duo sneered at each other. Beel's eyes widened as his face paled. "Well, we aren't going to let her, right? We can stop her this time. Now we know her tricks. It won't be like last time?" he was staring directly at Lucifer. The eldest felt his stomach twist and churn guiltily at the desperation in Beel's stare. They all knew from experience just how cunning and manipulative Harlow could be. She had targeted Lucifer specifically, and because he let down his guard, his whole family soon became infected by the demoness venom. He refused to let the same happen to you. Lucifer turned on his heel and threw the letter into the fireplace. The three brothers watched as it slowly was consumed by the flames and turned to ash. "Tell the others about what happened. There's no doubt that Harlow will attempt to reach MC again. It's our duty to stop that from happening," Lucifer spoke up. Beel nodded right away before taking off to obey the command. Satan sighed and glanced at Lucifer, "You know this won't stop her. She'll figure out a way to get to MC." Lucifer continued watching the flames. The fire's glow reflecting in his obsidian eyes like a memory flickering in the darkness. "Maybe so, but at the very least it will give us time to come up with a plan on what to do when she does." In the end, Satan had been right. The brothers worked tirelessly together to intercept any letters, bouquets, or baskets that had been sent for you. Asmo kept a collection of the bouquets and gifts in his room, and simply told you that they were objects of admiration from his fans. You had walked in on Beel shuffling through the mail one day, and he had managed to fluster out an excuse before hurrying out of the room and shoving the most recent letter into his mouth. Mammon became even clingier than usual and was always by your side. Although he was physically with you, his mind and eyes were always looking around you for any signs of the demoness that he was trying to avoid. Satan had worked with Solomon to put an enchantment on the House's gates that caused anything that had recently touched Harlow's hands to be incinerated as it passed through the gate. Levi had been forcing you to watch the top ten anime betrayals and any anime with a manipulative or toxic antagonist in hopes that it would help you recognize them in Harlow if she ever got to you and that you would do the right thing and choose your real best friend him (and I suppose the others as well). Belphegor would purposefully fall asleep on you as much as possible to prevent you from leaving the House and therefore heightening the risk of Harlow coming to meet you personally. Lucifer had begun to do his own research on Harlow, once more, and was looking back on his own past experiences with the demoness to gain wisdom on how to outwit her. Despite all of their efforts, it wasn't enough. You came down to breakfast, looking complexed but intrigued as you held a piece of paper with a dreadfully purple broken seal on the top. The brothers froze as Harlow's familiar perfume reached their noses. Levi swallowed his food as he looked at you nervously. "M-MC, what...what do you have there?" You blinked up at them and held up the paper. "It's a letter from
Lady Harlow. A bat flew through my window this morning with this attached to its foot. According to the letter, she's tried more normal means of communication, but had no luck. Hmm, I wonder why?" you pondered out loud as you continued reading the letter. The brothers exchanged worried looks. Lucifer straightened his posture. "What else does it say?" You barely looked over at him as you responded. "Oh, she has invited me to a private luncheon at her manor. Apparently, she'd like to get to know me better." Your words caused everyone at the table to stiffen. "Seems suspicious to me," Belphie stated as he rested his head on your shoulder. "You shouldn't go. She's probably planning to kill you or something but is just pretending to be nice to get you to let your guard down." You smirked down at him. "Hmmm, sounds familiar," despite your joking tone, you noticed the room tense and Belphie looked away in shame. You frowned and placed a hand on his arm. "I...I was joking, Belphie. You know I've forgiven you for that. You've proved that you've changed. We're okay," you looked around at the others, finally picking up on the tension in the room. "What's going on? Why is everyone acting so weird?" Satan sighed and met your eyes. "Harlow is the Lady of Manipulation. She thrives off of playing with others' emotions and desires to get her own twisted wants." "She's dangerous," Lucifer added. You were shocked to see that he was seemingly unable to meet your eyes. Instead, he stared at his plate as though lost in a memory. "She's incredibly skilled at what she does and will worm her way into your thoughts before you're even aware of what's happening. She's cunning and sly," he finally lifted his head to look at you. You shivered at the intense urgency and regret in his gaze. "Lady Harlow is not one that you should give even a second of your time to. If you give her even a single inch, she will take a mile." You frowned and looked back at the letter. It was filled with so many kind words and eloquent phrasing. She had seemed nice enough at the ball, and she went through all this trouble just to send you an invitation. "Thank you for the warning," you spoke sincerely as you looked at the others. "I'll be sure to keep your words in mind and be careful." Mammon scoffed and crossed his arms. "You make it sound as if you're going." "I am." The room burst into a mix of angry proclamations, commands that you were not going, and pleas for you to listen to them. You smiled sympathetically at the brothers. "I know you're worried, but it would be extremely rude to reject a personal invitation like this from a noble, especially after all the effort she went through to have it delivered. I should at least go to see what she wants. I'll have my D.D.D. on me and you can guys can ask me all the questions you want as soon as I get back." Lucifer's eyes searched your expression in a mix of frustration and desperation. "MC did you not hear a single word I just said? One visit is all she'll need. I really must urge you not-" "Lucifer stop," the room fell silent as Lucifer's mouth snapped shut. His gaze hardened at your use of a command. You sighed and ran a hand over your face. "I'm sorry, but this isn't your choice. I know you seem to have...something going on with Harlow, and I will take caution from your words during my visit. But I'm sure I'll be fine. I live with and have befriended seven of the most powerful demons in the Devildom. What's a silly noblewoman going to do to me?" You gently lifted Belphie's head off of you and rose. "I should get ready for the school day. I'm sorry guys. I'll see you all later." As you left, a small piece of hope from within the brothers left with you. Lucifer snarled and downed a glass of wine. "Right," he said bitterly and looked over at Satan, "onto plan c."
*** I hope you guys enjoyed it! I promise you will find out exactly what went down between Harlow and the brothers later on. But for now, let the games begin 😈 Thanks again for all the support and love you've all been giving this series!***
Taglist: @cosmixbun @sufzku @simeonspebble @lovevictoire @obey-mes-treasure @kissed-by-a-dementor @yukihaie @justtiarra @mammoneybb @obeys-world @peachyeevee13 @otome-scribbles @azureusmoonie @poly-bi-mf
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ragingbookdragon · 3 years
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I'm Only A Crack In This Castle Of Glass (Hardly Anything Else I Need To Be) PT. 2
Batfamily x Batsis Story!
Word Count: 2.7K Warnings: Explicit Language and Angst!
Author's Note: It's amazing how much one can write when they've got a story to tell, eh? Enjoy! -Thorne
Set Three Years After PT. 1:
Life for her revolved around work in the A.M. and community college in the P.M. If she wasn’t brewing cappuccinos and baking apple turnovers, she was writing research papers and taking physics exams. It was hectic and it was hard, much harder than anything she’d done, but it was her life, and she was going to make the best of it. The money she’d taken from her savings account had only lasted her long enough to get a decent one bedroom one bathroom apartment in a small complex and the rest went towards tuition. The coffee shop two blocks from her building had fortunately been looking for a new hire when she arrived, and she took the chance where it was, not going to look the gift horse in its mouth.
The life she lived now was a complete 180 from her old one. Back then, she didn’t have to work (though she did at a high-end department store in the mall—her father got her the job but at least she had one) and there wasn’t anything she couldn’t get with a swipe of a credit card. Now she was on a budget that consisted of five and ten tips and the last time she actually bought a new pair of shoes over a hundred dollars had been last year when she needed them for an interview, and even then, it cost her a limb.
Everything was so different, but she didn’t want to go back, preferring to be on her own and away from Gotham. From the newspapers and media, her family had convinced the world that she’d taken a few years to go overseas and spend time in Europe. A mental reprieve, they’d called it. Partially true if she was honest, but she wasn’t going to open her mouth about it lest they learned where she was. She didn’t go through all that trouble to be found within three years.
“Melisandre.”
Maybe I should move again?
“Melisandre?”
Moving would take a long time but it would be effective.
“Melisandre!”
Someone grabbed her arm over the counter, and she jerked with a start, eyes widening as she finally realized someone was standing in front of her.
“Barry?” she asked, and he smiled.
“Finally,” he snorted. “I’ve been calling your name for like ten minutes now.”
She felt a flush creep along her cheeks, and she smiled apologetically. “Sorry, I was thinking about something. Usual?” she murmured, marking a disposable coffee cup with a marker.
Barry nodded with understanding and handed her a credit card. “I hear you. How’s studying going for that physics exam?” His blue eyes darted to the science book she had sprawled over the counter.
“It’s going,” she muttered and turned, starting to mix together his latte. “I still can’t get the thermodynamic laws down. They’re a bit confusing.”
“Yeah, it’ll take a while. You know if you need my help, all you gotta do is ask, right?”
Shrugging, she glanced at him as she poured. “You’re a busy man, Barry. I can’t have you trying to help me while trying to solve cases too.”
Barry chuckled and accepted the freshly poured latte. “I’m an excellent multitasker, Melisandre. Besides, you don’t have to worry about it messing with my work.” She opened her mouth to retort but he cut her off. “Seriously, shoot me an email about whatever questions you’ve got, and I’ll take a look at ‘em, okay?”
Her eyes narrowed warily, and she inquired, “You’re sure it won’t interfere? I’d hate for you to get in trouble for working on non-work-related things.”
“I promise, Melisandre,” he smiled and accepted a bag of apple turnovers too. He couldn’t help but pull one out and bite into it, letting out a delighted noise. “God, what do you put in these things? They’re phenomenal.”
She giggled and winked as he handed her a twenty. “A baker never reveals her secret, but if you really want to know, I use a little vanilla extract.”
Barry shook his head with a chuckle and started making his way to the door. “See you later, Melisandre!”
Waving at him, she called, “Bye Barry! Take care!”
Just as he opened the door, he stopped and spun around, suddenly asking, “Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?”
Blinking, she glanced at the physics book then back to him. “Well, I was going to be studying for the exam…why?”
“My nephew is in town and I wanted to introduce him to you. I’ve already mentioned you a bunch of times and he wants to meet you.”
Her face pinched. “Barry Allen, what did you tell that poor boy?”
He stuck his tongue out at her. “That there’s a lonely college student who has no friends but has the greatest baking abilities in the world.”
“I cannot believe you told him I had no friends! Why!”
“You don’t.”
“Well, yeah! But still! You don’t just tell someone that! It makes me seem like there’s something wrong with me!”
Barry waved a hand. “Relax. Wally’s the least jerky person you’ll meet.” He smiled. “You’ll like him.”
She frowned. “I still don’t think this is a good idea, Barry.”
“Why not?”
“Well, he’s here to see you and your wife, not come meet the person who feeds your apple turnover addiction.”
The blonde’s cheeks turned a dark shade of crimson and he spluttered, “It is not an addiction!” he spun around and marched through the door. “I’ll send him over tomorrow! Bye!”
And he left before she could even say a word.
***
It had to be hieroglyphics. It was either that or some ancient cuneiform he’d recently taken up interest in, because there was no way whatever he’d written on the paper was English.
She cocked her head to the side, muttering, “Jesus Christ, Barry, did you write this on a caffeine bender? Your writing is like chicken scratch.” She tipped her head to the other side trying to decipher it when someone leaned over her shoulder.
“Which problem do you need help on?” they asked, and she pointed to the sheet.
“I have no idea what that says.” She turned and saw a red-haired stranger. “If you think you can, be my guest.”
He took it and read over it a moment, green eyes scanning over the page then he said, “Let’s see, he wrote first, ‘The third law of thermodynamics states that the entropy of a system at absolute zero is a well-defined constant. This is because a system at zero temperature exists in its ground state, so that its entropy is determined only by the degeneracy of the ground state.’”
Pausing, he scanned it again and added, “Then he marked a note beside it and wrote, ‘In simplistic terms, if an object reaches the absolute zero temp. of (0 K = -273.15C = -459.67°F), its atoms will stop moving. In other words, at absolute zero, the entropy of a perfectly crystalline substance is zero.’”
Glancing at her, he smiled. “Make sense now?”
She huffed and nodded, taking the sheet back. “Yeah, thanks. I don’t even know how you managed to get all that from his writing.”
He nodded. “Yeah, Barry’s handwriting is deplorable.”
Her eyes went wide, and she immediately questioned, “How did you?”
Sticking a hand out, he greeted, “Wally West. I’m Barry’s nephew.”
Shaking his hand, she couldn’t help but laugh. “I can’t believe he actually told you to come up here and meet me.” A smile came across her lips. “I’m Melisandre Hale.”
“That’s a pretty name, Melisandre.”
“Thank you,” she grinned and waved him to one of the bar-stools on the adjacent side of the counter. “Have a seat and I’ll get you something to eat and drink.” As she slid behind the counter, she inquired, “Anything specific?”
Wally stared at the bored, offhandedly mentioning, “Barry said something about apple turnovers that could make you cry with joy, so I’ve gotta have one of those.” His evergreen eyes met hers. “Maybe two if I’m being honest.”
She grunted, but a grin crossed her lips, nevertheless. “Barry exaggerates a lot, Wally. They’re good, but they’re not mind-blowingly good.”
“Then I guess that leaves me to be the judge,” he countered with a smirk. “What should I drink?”
She thought for a moment then offered, “Have any judgments about drinking before five o’clock?”
He let out a startled laugh and shook his head. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.”
With a grin, she turned and started working her magic and a moment later, she was sliding a plate with two iced apple turnovers over along with a clear steaming mug of dark coffee with cream on top. She leaned her hip on the counter and watched him pick up one of the apple turnovers and take a bite.
Immediately his eyes went wide, and he exclaimed, “Holy shit.” He gaped at her. “This is delicious, Melisandre!”
Despite herself, her cheeks warmed, and she gave him an easy smile. “Thanks, Wally.” She nodded to the crystal mug. “Try the Irish coffee.”
He did so and tossed his head back, letting out an exaggerated groan that had her laughing until her stomach hurt. Wally was on his second turnover and he looked at her.
“You’ve gotta open up a bakery or something, Melisandre. Your pastries are awesome.”
She huffed and took the plate from him as he finished the last bite. “Let me get through college first and then I’ll wonder how to rack up enough to open a shop.”
“What are you studying?”
Pausing, she tossed a quick glance at him. “There’s no specification right now. I’m just doing general studies to get all the basics out of the way.” She put the dish in the sink and started rinsing it. “I’m at the four-C right now.” His brows pulled together, and she added, “Central City Community College.”
He snapped his fingers. “Right! It’s been a while since I went to the four-C.”
Her eyes found his and she curiously asked, “Did you go there?”
“Yeah, a few years back.”
“You don’t look that much older than I am. How old are you, Wally?”
He sipped his coffee and set it down as he replied, “I turned twenty-eight a month ago.”
“Happy belated birthday,” she smiled, and he gave her one in return.
“Thanks. How about you?”
“I turned twenty-one a few months ago.”
“Hmm, happy belated birthday to you as well.” He grinned, quipping, “How’s it feel to finally be able to legally do all the things you were doing before you turned twenty-one?”
She shot him a look. “Shame on you, Wally West, for assuming I was doing illegal things.” He chuckled and she shrugged. “But to answer your question, it feels great, so thanks.”
Wally snorted at that. “My best friend and I got absolutely hammered on our twenty-firsts and swore to never drink hard liquor again after we woke up in the bathroom in our underwear after passing out on the floor.”
A shudder passed over her at her own memory of waking up beside the toilet after her birthday celebration with a bottle of white rum. She cocked a hand up with her water bottle in it. “Here, here,” she toasted and took a sip as Wally raised his coffee and drank too.
She glanced at him. “Are you in school, or are you done?”
“I finished a while ago. I work out of a tower with a group of friends in Manhattan.”
For a moment, her eyes drifted to the simple pair of jeans and graphic shirt he was wearing. She lived in the upper area of Gotham and she knew what uptown Manhattan was like, and it wasn’t jeans and t-shirts.
Evidently, he did too because he scowled, “I have suits and ties, thank you very much.”
She snorted and took the empty mug from him. “I didn’t say anything, Wally.”
“You made a face.”
“Is a face a ground to be hostile?” she grinned. “I was just wondering what type of business in Manhattan ran on flash t-shirts and skinny jeans.” She eyed him. “Tech?”
He shrugged. “It’s…a bit of everything if I’m being honest.” It sounded like he didn’t exactly want to say, and she let it be, rinsing out his cup before setting it to dry.
A buzz sounded and she felt for her phone when he said, “That’s mine.” Wally pulled his phone out, read the message, and stood up. “I’ve gotta go, Melisandre.”
She nodded and took the twenty-dollar bill he handed her, waving her off when she tried to hand back the change. As he started towards the door, she called, “Wally?”
He turned on his heel and waited and she felt foolish for saying it, but she admitted with warmth in her cheeks, “It’s been a while since I had any semblance of a friend…so thanks for this afternoon.”
Wally gave her a pearly white grin. “Barry said you’d say something like that,” he chuckled as she scowled and he added sincerely, “Can never have too many friends, Melisandre…and I hope you’ll become a great one of mine. So far, you already are.”
She smiled, “Same here, Wally.” The bell signaled his exit and she let out a heavy sigh as her heart warmed in her chest at the feeling of a newfound friendship.
***
She was dead on her feet when she finally got through her front door and into her living room, practically collapsing onto the couch. Though it wasn’t far from the truth as she flopped down and toed off her shoes, heaving a long and winded sigh as she stared at the dark ceiling. She wanted to turn on the lamp on the table beside her, but she didn’t want to move. Hell, she barely wanted to get up and take a shower, so she didn’t go to bed sweaty.
Just a moment. She thought. Just a moment to close my eyes and I’ll get up and go shower.
Of course, the second the shut them, she was opening them to her phone telling her it was two A.M. She groaned and picked herself off the couch to shuffle into her bedroom, and when she got there, she peeled off the clothes from her body and let them fall, not caring about the hamper just a foot away. She’d do it tomorrow after class.
The shower was quick, and she crawled into bed a few minutes later, glancing out the window at the stars that were still in the night sky. Even if she tried to avoid thinking about it, she couldn’t, and her mind drifted to when she was a young girl and would stare out the window in her bedroom back in Gotham, watching the spotlight come alive and paint the silhouette of the bat symbol against the night sky.
She missed them. She missed them a lot. Missed eating meals at a full table and the laughter in the manor. Hell, she even missed being ignored, because at least then she could see familiar faces every day. Now, it was wake up, go to work, go to class, then come home. And the process repeated every morning. She was alone in a city where she didn’t know anyone except for one forensic scientist and his wife, going to a college that didn’t even have her real identity. She’d not even said the name “(Y/N) Wayne” out loud for fear that someone with super hearing would hear her and tell her father, instead going by “Melisandre Hale”, a twenty-one-year-old born and raised Central City citizen going to community college. It pained her to admit, that with her decision to grant herself the freedom she desired, it came with a heavy price, and that was the loneliness. And it was worse compared to what it was like back then.
Sighing, she rolled over and pulled the covers up over her head, hoping that when she shut her eyes, she’d stop thinking about what she left behind. Unfortunately, the universe and her mind were never kind, and as she drifted to sleep, she saw the pained faces of her family.
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wisteria-lodge · 3 years
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Archetypes: Sorting Hat Chats
I’ve been asked about my rationale for naming different primary/ secondary combinations. I did this originally as a tool to help me sort characters - I wanted to see how these types tend to be used, so I could more easily see what subversions looked like. I'll run through my thoughts, but know there’s a lot of variation within each category. But even WITH that variation, I do think that each one has its own specific energy that makes it interesting to talk about. An explanation of the terms I'm using.
DOUBLE LION “THE REVOLUTIONARY”
Pretty straightforward. The Lion primary knows something is wrong, they know it in their bones even if they can’t articulate it, and they’ve got to go out and do something about it. Probably charging at whatever power structure is directly in front of them. It’s unlikely you find a character leading a revolution who isn’t a Double Lion. These guys are intense, inspirational, single minded.
The villain version of the Lion primary tends to be the person who “went too far" or "became the monster they were trying to fight.'' But I think that the much more interesting Lion primary villain trope is the Traitor. Since Lions work from their feelings, and their philosophies can’t necessarily be articulated or linked to individuals outside of them - they can definitely have their head turned while still feeling moral about it.
One of my favorite examples of this Revolutionary archtype is actually Christian Bale‘s character from Newsies. He’s the spark that starts the unionizing revolution, but 100% needs his Badger and Bird lieutenants to keep him focused and keep him from defecting
LION SNAKE “THE ROBIN HOOD”
These guys are similar to the Double Lion - they will recognize a cause or injustice revolutionary style - but Robin Hood doesn’t go up and bang on wicked Prince John’s door. His move is the snake secondary one: confront the problem indirectly. Undermine the regime by stealing tax money and re-distributing it to the poor. Be simultaneously Robin Hood the outlaw and Robin of Locksley the noble, infiltrating and getting information. The Lion Snake is more likely to work within society (or deliberately separate from society) versus just breaking everything down.
LION BIRD “THE LAWMAN / THE VIGILANTE”
The fact that the Lion Bird can either be the Lawman or the Vigilante shows off the very clear hero/villain split you get with Bird secondaries. We also see this with the Snake Bird (simultaneously the Mastermind and the traditional Villain) and the Double Bird (either the Scientist or the Mad Scientist.) This is why I think I had such trouble naming the Badger Bird. I wasn’t leaning into the duality of the Bird secondary enough. The Badger Bird can be the King Arthur, or he can be the Mob Boss, and he’ll look kind of similar either way.
The Lion Bird also has that Lion primary conviction and drive, but they want to follow up on it with investigation, evidence, and plans. I actually think there need to be more stories about Lawmen turning into Vigilantes and vice versa. Because Lion Birds are their Cause no matter what external alignment gets attached to it.
LION BADGER “THE LINCHPIN”
This is my own sorting - although when I came up with this name I still thought I was a Double Bird. The linchpin is the pin-axle thing at the center of a wheel that prevents the whole thing from falling apart, and I think it's a good way of talking about the energy of this combination. The Badger secondary means they’re a lot less single minded than the other Lion primaries: their power comes from being part of a group. They become the emotional “heart” a lot, and have a way of quietly keeping things together just by existing. They can be leaders, but a Double Lion will lead from up front while a Lion Badger will lead from in the middle (if that makes sense.)
I do think it’s really funny that this is a common sleeper villain trope. Peter Pettigrew, Prince Hans, and Randall Boggs of Monsters Inc. all became integral to a group, and then exploit their position within it. They’re kind of the evil bureaucrat. Maybe that's a good trope for children’s media
DOUBLE SNAKE “THE TRICKSTER”
This is another straightforward one. Double Snakes are in it for themselves (and maybe like three other people.) They're going to be clever and tricksy about how they get what they want, and will not mind doing things backward and unofficially. And they won't mind if you know that's what they're doing. There’s something very unapologetic about the Double Snake which makes for very attractive characters. They are consistently voted the sexiest... and when they’re villains they’re fun villains. You know what they want, and what they want is not that complicated. I think that’s a big reason for the appeal of Snake primaries in general. They’re the easiest primary to understand and explain.
SNAKE LION “THE LANCELOT”
I used to call these guys “The Rebel,” which... is too generic, doesn’t really mean anything. So I started thinking about the Lion secondary as the Knight secondary, and I liked that. Double Lions are the Crusader Knight, riding for their Cause. Bird Lions are Grail Knights, riding for their own personal truth. Badger Lions are Champion Knights, here to help the helpless and defend the innocent.
And if that's that case… Snake Lions have to be the Knight Errant, the knight who rides for his lady. It is that simple. Lancelot might be a Knight of the Round Table, but he’s riding for Arthur the person, not Arthur the King. And for his lady, Queen Guinevere. I feel like his dilemma is one that’s common to a lot of Snake Lions: what happens when they’re forced to split their loyalty? It’s tragic, but Lancelot can’t have Arthur and Guinevere simultaneously.
(At least not until my awesome Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot OT3 which I will totally write at some point :)
SNAKE BIRD “THE MASTERMIND / THE VILLAIN”
The classic. We see a little more of the Bird Secondary split, and well… this is your stereotypical villain. They want power. They’re going to use an elaborate plan to get it. There’s a lot you can do with this sorting, but I actually do think it’s fun that whatever you do, this slight undercurrent of villain and/or mastermind… never quite goes away.
SNAKE BADGER “THE LOVER”
The Love Interest sorting. Chances are very good that if there is a love interest (who does not serve some other role in the story...) they're going to be a Snake Badger. Devoted to one person, solving problems by caretaking. This is the Badger secondary who is likely to have the smallest group, which is just going to make them look excessively devoted to their friends. This type is pretty gender neutral, which is fun. A lot of female love interests, but also your Mr. Darcys and Peeta Mellarks.
One of my favorite things about this trope (mostly just because I think it’s funny...) is that if you write a character who is not supposed to be a love interest, but who is a Snake Badger... subconsciously I think people are going to read them as a love interest anyway. Looking at you Jaskier, Horatio, and even Captain Barbossa.
DOUBLE BIRD “THE [MAD] SCIENTIST”
I think that (especially if you aren’t a Bird Primary yourself) your response to hearing a fictional Bird Primary’s motivation is kind of …huh. That seems random. Or oddly specific. You get your Hannibal Lecters, whose entire motivation is... wanting to eat people while drinking nice wine.
Double birds seem especially unusual, just in terms of society. They are Bird secondaries and they interact with the world through gathering data, but their Bird primaries mean that data can literally lead them to any conclusion, no matter how potentially wacky. These guys consciously build themselves from the ground up, and that can make them kind of detached - either in a logical way, or an unmoored way. They're written as either really stable, the rational mentor figure. Or really... not. And that’s how you spot a Bird villain. They’re not after money/power/safety, they’re after something weird.
BIRD LION “THE GRAIL KNIGHT”
This is the trope of Perceval or Galahad, questing after the Holy Grail chalice... which is really just meaning, and truth. It’s a personal quest. Grail Knights tend to ride alone, and a lot of the things that concern them are metaphysical, to do with identity, purpose, things like that. You can have extremely different Bird Lions, but I do think there is a sort of spiritual core there. Doctor Harleen Quinzel sees freedom and truth in whatever the Joker is doing, and then once she recognizes his hypocrisy, has to go build her own meaning.
I actually think these guys are pretty easy to spot because of that Lion secondary. When they change direction, they change direction, and there’s probably a period of despair between the direction changes. I’ve talked about how Bird Lions having a habit of falling apart pretty dramatically, and that’s where this idea comes from.
BIRD BADGER “THE SURVIVOR”
A rare sorting, but an interesting one. I call this one “the Survivor” or “the Last Man Standing” because, well, they seem to be. They seem remarkably stable. This is the Bird primary least likely to be a villain, and maybe the sorting least likely to be a villain. I think what’s going on is that they are grounded and integrated in whatever community they happen to be in (because of that Badger secondary), but they can define themselves and rebuild themselves in the Bird primary way. This makes them uniquely suited to building a new version of themselves for whatever situation they happen to find themselves in.
Maybe a better name for these guys would be “The Adapter.”
BIRD SNAKE “THE ARTIST”
Like all Bird primaries, these guys are inspired by their own projects and their own worldview, but because of that Snake secondary, Bird Snakes have a more easy-going ‘take the world as it comes' kind of energy. They are “the Artist” because everything they do is art: they want to use themselves and the world around them, put all of that towards whatever their Bird primary happens to be interested in.
You can have villains like the Nolan Joker, or the Talented Mr. Ripley, who kind of turn the world into their own personal philosophical social experiment. Or Scotty from Star Trek whose meaning is solely the well-being of the Enterprise. Maybe they just like traveling, and that's all they need. (It's a way for the Bird primary and the Snake secondary exist very happily together, so I wouldn't be surprised if that was pretty common.)
DOUBLE BADGER “THE PEACEMAKER”
Badgers are interesting, because while I think they’re generally regarded as “correct,” they’re also seen as kind of boring. That’s the case with both Badger primaries and Badger secondaries, which means it is doubly reflected in the Double Badger. They often get written as simplistic, the sweet Jane Bennet type who loves everybody and caretakes everybody and just wants everybody to get along.
They are often the targets of what TV Tropes used to call “Break the Cutie.” What could be more interesting than making this character, who wants to be happily part of a community, be forced to build protective models, be all tortured and angsty? I actually think we’re seeing a return of the Double Badger as an interesting character in their own right, with people like Aziaphale, and I'm here for it.
BADGER LION “THE PROTAGONIST”
What can I say? There are a lot of protagonists that are Badger Lions. They want to help the group - so we know they're the good guys - and then they charge and make stuff happen. Lion secondaries are very useful in fiction - you drop them into a situation and stuff just happens. I also think of this as the Starfleet officer sorting - because if you’re a Starfleet officer, either you are the sorting, or can model it really well.
I will say that this is kind of the stock Protagonist sorting, the way that the Snake Badger is the stock love interest and the Snake Bird is the stock villain. There’s just something sort of generic good guy about this one, which is why I want to see it used as a villain sorting more. Badger villains - mostly people who define ‘human’ very narrowly - are insanely terrifying.
BADGER SNAKE “THE ADVISOR”
Possibly “the Power Behind the Throne.” This is another one I had difficulty pinning down. I called it “the Politician” for a while, which unfortunately came off as a little bit more negative than I meant it to, since I think this sorting has a lot in common with Lion Badger, the linchpin of a heroic team. The difference is that Lion Badger takes on that role kind of unconsciously, while the Badger Snake does it very consciously.
Their loyalty is to the group, but their skill set is all about subversion and different ways of going around the group, which is why there’s an interesting contradiction at the heart of Badger Snake. A lot of real life Badger Snakes struggle with feeling like “bad people" and it's too bad. These guys are ridiculously powerful and competent when they are sure of themselves, and I love seeing them in action
BADGER BIRD “THE KING / THE MOB BOSS”
Another difficult one, despite (or because) I really like them. I was calling them “the Architect” because “The City Planner” sounded too boring… but that’s what they do. They’re all about the community but they problem-solve the way all Bird secondaries do, by prepping, and gathering knowledge. I talked more about this in the Lion Bird entry, but Bird secondary seems to have this villain split going on, and that’s what I see here too. This is a controversial love-them-or-hate-them sorting, and I think that’s why. There’s a lot of room in whether or not you see this sorting as villainous.
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theartofdreaming1 · 3 years
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Katniss, bravely stepping inbetween Gale and Thread (and his whip) - she’s so courageous and protective, she deserves the world 😭
As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and (many) random thoughts on chapters 7-9 are below the cut. (Is it just me, or are my notes getting longer and longer with each and every post? I swear, this book is so meaty, we’ll soon reach the point where I have to type out the entire chapter, with my thoughts in the margins)
heart
“Gale is mine. I am his. Anything else in unthinkable.” 
I think these words are a result of Katniss being so afraid of losing Gale that she’s kinda overcompensating; their relationship has been strained these past few months and they’d just had a row, separating from each other on bad terms - and the next time she sees him, he’s been whipped so bad that he’s lost consciousness and could be potentially dying from his wounds. Of course she’s so terrified of losing him, that she’s holding on as tightly as she can to him. It’s important to keep in mind how important their relationship is to her and we see that in her preceding thoughts: What a pair we were - fatherless, frightened, but fiercely commited, too, to keeping our families alive. Desperate, yet no longer alone after that day, because we’d found each other. I think of a hundred moments in the woods, lazy afternoons fishing, the day I taught him to swim, that time I twisted my knee and he carried me home. Mutually counting each other, watching each other’s backs, forcing each other to be brave. - Gale was the first person who was her equal, a kindred spirit, her partner. After Katniss had lost both of her parents when her father died and her mother succumbed to her depression - the people who were supposed to care for her and guide her through growing up - she was stuck with the role of sole provider and protector of her family at age eleven. She must have been so lonely all this time until she met this boy who understood what she was going through and they learned from each other and shouldered their burdens together, to take off some of the overwhelming pressure. Of course that relationship, of course Gale is important to her. But also now their relationship has become more fragile, after the Games they are in danger of growing apart - it’s got to be so terrifying to feel like the one proper, mutual relationship you’ve had seems to be slipping through your fingers. With everything that’s going on, her entire life as it is teetering on the razor’s edge (heck, the president himself has been threatening her and her family!), it’s no wonder that Katniss is craving that familiarity and safety that her relationship with Gale used to provide her with. And seeing Gale in this state just has her holding on to him more tightly than ever.
mind
Hmm, no big moment is coming to my mind right now; I think I’m always most impressed by the tiny moments that show how tenacious, resilient and fiercely kind humans can be - like Darius stepping forward to stop Gale’s cruel punishment, Leevy volunteering to tell Hazelle about Gale and promising to stay with the Hawthorne children, Madge bringing the morphling, Katniss pressing Darius’s hand in the Training Center, Twill taking Bonnie with her to flee to D13 and so on.
soul
I believe that Katniss was honestly surprised to learn that Gale had feelings for her; she had categorically shut down the idea of entering a romantic relationship for herself, so I don’t think she’d seriously consider anyone being romantically interested in her in return (that’s not how that works, of course, but I think that’s how she perceived the whole shtick). Their kiss threw her completely for a loop and if anything, she mostly saw it as something that contributed to the deterioration of their previous, easy and comfortable relationship.
Chapter 7
A mockingjay is a creature the Capitol never intended to exist. [...] They hadn’t anticipated its will to live. - In a way, the Capitol continues to make this mistake with the people living in the districts, too - underestimating their will to live (opposed to just surviving)
I look in his [Gale’s] eyes. His temper can’t quite mask the hurt, the sense of betrayal he feels at my engagement to Peeta. This will be my last chance, this meeting today, to not lose Gale forever. - Okay, we don’t know how much Katniss might be (incorrectly) presuming here, but the idea that Gale might feel betrayal because his best friend is being forced into an engagement pisses me off. It’s fine if he’s feeling jealous because she’s being paired off with Peeta when he wishes he could have a shot with her, but how in the world does this even rate as a betrayal?! A) It’s done against her will and B) Just because they’re friends doesn’t mean Katniss owes him anything when we’re talking about romantic feelings... Ugh 😒 Also, it’s quite noteworthy how insecure Katniss feels about their relationship - she’s constantly worried Gale will drop her and their friendship (waiting for Gale after the camera teams left after winning the Games: I’d begun to think that he’d given up on me in the weeks that had passed.- Ch. 2) and it doesn’t help that she’s been through that extreme, traumatic experience without him and they haven’t had much opportunity to spend a lot of time with each other (with the Victory Tour and Gale having to work so much) and when they do hang out, they don’t seem to really talk much, which doesn’t exactly help...
He [Gale] tosses the gloves on my lap. “Here. I don’t want your fiancé’s old gloves.” “He’s not my fiancé. That’s just part of the act. And these aren’t his gloves. They were Cinna’s,” I say. “Give them back, then, he says. - Gale can be so petty sometimes 🙄
While I talk, [...] [Gale] occupies himself with turning the food in the leather bag into a meal for us. Toasting bread and cheese, coring apples, placing chestnuts in the fire to roast. I watch his hands, his beautiful, capable fingers. Scarred, as mine were before the Captiol erased all marks from my skin, but strong and deft. [...] Hands I trust. - Oh boy, this moment really shows how these two are at cross purposes right now - Gale’s prepping the food as you would for a toasting (romantic connotation), while Katniss is oberserving his hands, thinking how their hands used to match (not anymore!) and basically wishing herself back into the time before the Games, when things were ‘simpler’/more clearly defined (and also platonic!); there is nothing romantic from her P.O.V. - it’s all about the friendship and trust
[Gale] steps in and I feel myself lifted off the ground. The room spins, and I have to lock my arms around Gale’s neck to brace myself. He’s laughing, happy. “Hey!” I protest, but I’m laughing, too. Gale sets me down but doesn’t release his hold on me. “Okay, let’s run away.” [...] “You’re sure?” I say. [...] “I’m sure. I’m completely, entirely, one hundred percent sure.” - Yeah, and I’m sure you’re not going to change your opinion in the next five minutes, Gale... In his defense, Gale didn’t know all the details, so in that regard it’s totally valid that he might decide to change his mind after having more input... It’s just that Katniss specifically asks him whether he’s sure and his reply is so full of conviction (100% sure!), only for him to do a complete 180 just a couple of minutes later; Gale’s very hot and cold, which makes for such a harsh contrast when compared to Peeta’s more measured reaction later in the chapter
He tilts his forehead down to rest against mine and pulls me closer. [...] I don’t try to move away. Why should I, anyway? His voice drops to a whisper. “I love you.” That’s why. - Oh man, Katniss just can’t catch a break 😞 Really not wise of Gale to drop the L-bomb here (after, what? a kiss they never talked about and little else... their communication is truly abysmal and it’s really damaging to their relationship, hurting the both of them)
“Gale, I can’t think about anyone that way now. All I can think about, every day, is how afraid I am. And there doesn’t seem to be room for anything else. If we could get somewhere safe, maybe I could be different. I don’t know.” I can see him swallowing his disappointment. “So, we’ll go. We’ll find out.” - I mean, honestly, I totally understand where Katniss is coming from - she doesn’t need a romantic interest, she needs a partner, which is why she’s been so eager to talk to her hunting partner, someone she’s used to rely on for survival and now he’s also confounding their relationship by introducing that romance-angle (as if it wasn’t bad enough that her relationship with Peeta got kind of messed up when that same angle was forced upon them prematurely)... Also, telling how Katniss thinks she’d have to be different to maybe even consider a romantic relationship with Gale - Katniss as she is right now just can’t see herself wanting to be with Gale romantically; it would require a change... I’ve got to give Gale credit for still going along with it, and trying to push past his disappointment, though
“My [Gale’s] mother is going to take some convincing.” [...] “Mine, too. I’ll just have to make her see reason. Take her for a long walk. Make sure she understands we won’t survive the alternative.” “She’ll understand. I watched a lot of the Games with her and Prim. She won’t say no to you,” says Gale. - That’s interesting, I wonder what exactly Gale means by that? That Mrs. Everdeen won’t say no to Katniss because she feels guilty that Katniss had to go through the Games or because watching her daughter compete in the Games really made her realize how messed up Panem is? Or that she’s more inclined to trust Katniss’s judgement after everything that has happened?
“Haymitch will be the real challenge.” “Haymitch?” Gale abandons the chestnuts. “You’re asking him to come with us?” “I have to, Gale. I can’t leave him and Peeta because they’d-” His scowl cuts me off. “What?” “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how large our party was,” he snaps at me. - Gale doesn’t seem to have realized how close and important Peeta and Haymitch have become to Katniss... maybe because they never properly talked about this aspect of Katniss’s life (I swear, their shoddy communication must account for at least half of the damage their relationship has taken in these past few months alone)
“What if he [Peeta] decides to stay?” he [Gale] asks. I try to sound indifferent, but my voice cracks. “Then he stays.” “You’d leave him behind?” Gale asks. “To save Prim and my mother, yes,” I answer. “I mean, no! I’ll get him to come.” “And me, would you leave me?” Gale’s expression is rock hard now. - Boy, oh boy! I think Gale knows (like Peeta) that Katniss could never leave behind the people she cares about; then, he’s kind of gauging whether Peeta has already received the Katniss Everdeen Stamp of ‘Caring’ - and, as it turns out, he has! And then Gale ends up making it into a bit of  competition by asking her whether she would leave him behind (or, alternately, her turning him down has him confused about the depth of their relationship, I dunno); not fun
“There’s an uprising in Eight?” he [Gale] says in a hushed voice. I try to backpedal. To defuse him, as I tried to defuse the districts. - Katniss is going to be about as successful as she’d been at defusing the districts, too - But here we have another example of Katniss trying to rein in Gale’s temper because she’s afraid he’s going to get himself in trouble (like when she decided not to tell him about Snow’s visit to her house because she was worried what he’d do with that information)... It’s really not great that she feels the need to censor herself so he won’t do something dangerous... Katniss knows first-hand how badly impulsive actions and decisions can be received in the Capitol - and she never even meant for a rebellion to happen!
“And it’s my fault, Gale. Because of what I did in the arena. If I had just killed myself with those berries, none of this would’ve happened. Peeta could have come home and lived, and everyone else would have been safe. too.” “Safe to do what?” he says in a gentler tone. “Starve? Work like slaves? Send their kids to the reaping? You haven’t hurt people - you’ve given them an opportunity. They just have to be brave enough to take it. - Katniss is taking all the responsibility upon herself again... Gale is right to point out that she was merely a catalyst, not the cause for the rebellion - the cause are the awful living conditions of the people in the districts
“Stop it! You don’t know what you’re saying. The Peacekeepers outside of Twelve, they’re not like Darius, or even Cray! The lives of district people - they mean less than nothing to them!” I say. “That’s why we have to join the fight!” he answers harshly. “No! we have to leave here before they kill us and a lot of other people, too!” [...] “You leave, then, I’d never go in a million years.” [...] “What about your family?” “What about the other families, Katniss? The ones who can’t run away?” - This discourse is so painful because they are both right - Katniss has seen more of the districts and how things are handled beyond the (relatively tame) confines of D12 and it’s fair that she wants to know that the people she cares about are safe from harm; Gale, of course, has a point commenting that not everyone has that opportunity and the only way to have a long-lasting, wide-spread improvement of their conditions is through rebelling against their oppressor - but that will inevitably come along with sacrifices and collateral damage and it’s easy to say that it will be worth it in the long run, but when those who are hurt/dead could end up being your loved ones, it’s definitely easier said than done
He throws Cinna’s gloves at my feet. “I changed my mind. I don’t want anything they made in the Capitol.” And he’s gone. I look down at the gloves. Anything they made in the Capitol? Was that directed at me? Does he think I am now just another product of the Capitol and therefore something untouchable? The unfairness of it all fills me with rage. But it’s mixed up with fear over what kind of crazy thing he might do next. - Gale getting rid of Cinna’s gloves just because they are from the Capitol is a prime example of this “us vs. them” mindset that he will be (worringly) fast to adopt - of course, perceiving the opposite side as “other” will make it easier to fight against them; however, it’s all too easy to lose sight of your opponent’s humanity when you think like that (think of how Gale has a hard time understanding Katniss’s distress upon seeing her prep team being treated so terribly/inhumanely in D13); Katniss feeling upset that Gale might perceive her as a product of the Capitol instead of its victim is understandable (and isn’t that exactly what the inhabitants of D13 are going to think of Peeta in MJ?) - and yet, she is still worried Gale could get himself into trouble with his impulsivity; she’s a good bean
”Going to town?” I ask. “Yes. I’m supposed to eat dinner with my family,” he [Peeta] says. - I’m tripping over the word ‘supposed’ here - it doesn’t sound like Peeta’s looking forward to hanging out with his fam, although it can’t be that often, since they’ve been away on Victory Tour and he is living alone (maybe the end of the chapter will give us another hint why that is 😒😒)... I can’t help but wonder whether these family dinners are mainly for public perception (in that case... it really is no wonder Peeta is so good at playing the cameras - poor guy had to fool the outside world his entire life) or because they are the only chance for Peeta to hang out with any of the members of his family he might actually want to spend some time with
“Peeta, if I asked you to run away from the district with me, would you?” Peeta takes my arm, bringing me to a stop. He doesn’t need to check my face to see if I’m serious. “Depends on why you’re asking.” President Snow wasn’t convinced by me. There’s an uprising in District Eight. We have to get out,” I say. “By ‘we’ do you mean just you and me? No. Who else would be going?” he asks. - Peeta doesn’t just blindly agree to Katniss’s proposal; he needs to know what’s going on first (he has been burnt before - no more secrets!) - and it’s a testament to how well he knows her that as soon as he’s asking whether she meant just the two of them, he corrects himself because knows that Katniss would never leave the ones she cares about behind
“What about Gale?” he says. “I don’t know. He might have other plans,” I say. Peeta shakes his head and gives me rueful smile. “I bet he does. Sure, Katniss, I’ll go.” I feel a slight twinge of hope. “You will?” “Yeah. But I don’t think for a minute you will,” he says. [...] “Then you don’t know me. Be ready. It could be any time.” - Telling how Peeta immediately agrees to the plan once he gathers that Gale won’t come - he knows that Katniss cares about Gale and could never leave him behind, ergo she’d never actually leave under these circumstances - he knows her so well. Also, Katniss’s reaction is like that of a petulant child, it’s kind of funny 😄
“Katniss, hold up.” [...] “I really will go, if you want me to. I just think we better talk it through with Haymitch. Make sure we won’t be making things worse for everyone.” - Ultimately, Peeta would follow Katniss to the ends of the earth - doesn’t mean that he can’t throw in a sensible suggestion in there as well 😉 (Also, in the next chapter we will see how Katniss, Gale, and Peeta might be a little too inexperienced/naive to be able to form accurate expectations of what is to come - Haymitch and his generation have a little more experience in that regard)
He raises his head. “What’s that?” [...] I haven’t noticed the strange noise coming from the square. A whistling, the sound of an impact, the intake of breath from a crowd. “Come on,” Peeta says, his face suddenly hard. I don’t know why. I can’t place the sound, even guess at the situation. But it means something bad to him. - Why does my sweet boy know what a whipping sounds like, Suzanne, huh?! Care to explain that? 😭
Peeta steps up on a crate against the wall of the sweetshop and offers me a hand while he scans the square. I’m halfway up when he suddenly blocks my way. “Get down. Get out of here!” He’s whispering, but his voice is harsh with insistence. - Peeta was offering his hand to help Katniss up the crate because they are a team (and he’s a gentleman)! It’s only when he recognizes who is receiving those lashes and realizes that Katniss will lose her shit once she knows, which could make the current situation even worse, that he urges her to leave, and he is not the only one to think that: - Voices hiss. “Get out of here, girl.” “Only make it worse.” What do you want to do? Get him killed?”
Chapter 8
It’s too late to stop the arm from descending, and I instinctively know I won’t have the power to block it. Instead I throw myself directly between the whip and Gale. I’ve flung out my arms to protext as much of his broken body as possible, so there’s nothing to deflect the lash. I take the full force of it across the left side of my face. - Katniss is so selfless; she knows that it’s either Gale getting hit again or a lash to her own face and she chooses the latter
“Hold it!” a voice barks. Haymitch appears and trips over a Peacekeeper lying on the ground. It’s Darius. [...] He’s knocked out but still breathing. What happened? Did he try to come to Gale’s aid before I got here? - Haymitch sure appeared quickly - I can easily imagine Peeta taking off immediately to get him (or send someone to bring him to the square) once he knew Katniss couldn’t be stopped; but if Haymitch had been at his house in Victor’s Village, there is no way he’d have made that quickly to the square... maybe he was already at the Hob and had gotten wind of the whole situation? Also, poor Darius! Wearing a uniform/being in some sort of position of power is no guarantee you won’t get punished as soon as you show the tiniest glimpse of compassion - in a place like Panem, nobody is safe from the caprice of the people in charge
I see a flicker of recognition in the eyes of the man with the whip. [...] it wouldn’t be easy to identify me as the victor of the last Hunger Games. Especially with half my face swelling up. But Haymitch has been showing up on television for years, and he’d be difficult to forget. - Getting Haymitch truly was the smartest move to make (which is why I’m pretty sure it was a move on Peeta’s part - he’d know how to use reminders of ‘appearances’ to ensure a punishment wouldn’t go ‘too far’, y’know 😢). But also - Thread must have lived under a flipping rock, to not being able to recognizes Katniss (her face must have been plastered all over the place during the Victory Tour, which just had concluded recently) - or he was just too in the heat of the moment, with someone opposing him, bleugh 😒
“He [Gale] was poaching. What business is it of hers, anyway?” says the man. “He’s her cousin.” Peeta’s got my other arm now, but gently. “And she’s my fiancée. So if you want to get to him, expect to go through both of us.” - I love how Peeta’s just laying it down as it is; his phrasing just sounds so factual, rather than provocative (although it is, of course); he really has a way with words - Maybe we’re it. The only three people in the district who could make a stand like this. Although it’s sure to be temporary. There will be repercussions. - Haymitch, Peeta, and Katniss working together as a team again! Also, a good example of the effect people with public influence can have 
One [Peacekeeper], a woman named Purnia who eats regularly at Greasy Sae’s, steps forward stiffly. “I believe, for a first offense, the required number of lashes has been dispensed, sir. Unless your sentence is death, which we would carry out by firing squad.” “Is that the standard protocol here?” asks the Head Peacekeeper. “Yes, sir,” Purnia says, and several others nod in agreement. I’m sure none of them actually know because, in the Hob, the standard protocol for someone showing up with a wild turkey is for everybody to bid on the drumsticks. - It’s kinda nice to see the local Peacekeepers supporting Purnia’s claim to get this display to stop - this is the only way out of this situation where Thread’s authority is not openly challenged (and we know Thread doesn’t take well to having his authority challenged - see Darius)
There’s no stretcher, but the old woman at the clothing stall sells us the board that serves as her countertop. “Just don’t tell where you got it,” she says, packing up the rest of her goods quickly. Most of the square has emptied, fear getting the better of compassion. But after what happened, I can’t blame anyone. - It’s sad how that air of intimidation makes people want to mask their acts of compassion (and also says a lot about the precariousness of the existing living situations if that old lady is still selling that board - I’d never even consider exchanging money for that, but that’s probably my privileged situation showing here; Katniss brings up the theme of fear vs compassion - very fitting, since it seems to be her driving force (although, generally, her compassion wins out over her fear) and despite her assertion that fear appears to be getting the better of compassion we see a good amount of people reaching out to help, such as the following example:
Leevy, a girl who lives a few houses down from mine in the Seam, takes my arm. My mother kept her little brother alive last year when he caught the measles. “Need help getting back?” Her gray eyes are scared but determined. - The subtle suggestion here that Leevy might be further motivated to help out because Katniss’s mom helped her little brother is also an excellent example of how kindness breeds kindness
“Get some snow on that,” Haymitch orders over his shoulder. I scoop up a handful of snow and press it against my cheek, numbing a bit of the pain. - This moment reminded me of Peeta immediately reaching for some ice from that fruit tureen after Haymitch hit him on their way to the Games in THG (Ch. 4) - their different immediate reactions to getting hit in the face could simply be due to the fact that Katniss is a little too preoccupied worrying about Gale to think about her injury, of course, but I feel like you could also interpret them as examples for how much experience Katniss and Peeta have with being hit in the face, respectively...
Gale must have gone to Cray’s house, as he’s done a hundred times, knowing Cray pays well for a wild turkey. Instead he found the new Head Peacekeeper, a man they heard someone call Romulus Thread. No one knows what happened to Cray. He was buying white liquor in the Hob just this morning [...] but now he’s nowhere to be found. - As I’ve already mentioned regarding Darius, inhabiting some position of power does not guarantee you any safety in Panem (there is always someone more powerful who will treat their inferiors like garbage, if they feel like it)
By the time I showed up, he [Gale]’d been lashed at least forty times. He passed out around thirty. - Jesus 😨 poor Gale!
“What about Darius?” Peeta asks.“ After about twenty lashes, he stepped in, saying that was enough. Only he didn’t do it smart and official, like Purnia did. He grabbed Thread’s arm and Thread hit him in the head with the butt of the whip. Nothing good waiting for him,” says Bristel. - It’s so messed up how it is not enough to have someone who’d stand up and do something about a horrible situation - they have to do it the right way, or else they’re toast; there really shouldn’t have to be a smart way of doing the right thing
Snow begins, thick and wet, making visibility even more difficult. - (President) Snow is coming down hard on them, making it hard to see what’s up ahead
Ever so gently, she [Mrs. Everdeen] begins to clean the mutilated flesh on Gale’s back. I feel sick to the stomach, useless, the remaining snow dripping from my glove into a puddle on the floor. Peeta puts me in a chair and holds a cloth filled with fresh snow to my cheek. - Although she’s quite squeamish, Katniss stays as Gale gets treated (the force that holds the loved ones of the hurt/dying, just like when Peeta was being treated after their Games); meanwhile, Peeta is taking care of Katniss - there is so much care + love to be found in this moment
My mother has to save the strongest [painkillers] for the worst pain, but what is the worst pain? To me, it’s always the pain that is present. If I were in charge, those painkillers would be gone in a day because I have so little ability to watch suffering. - Honestly, same; I can’t stomach seeing other people suffer without feeling overwhelmed and feeling like crying... I don’t know how professionals do it
“Just give him the medicine!” I scream at her. [...] “Take her out,” says my mother. Haymitch and Peeta literally carry me from the room while I shout obscenities at her. They pin me down on a bed in one of the extra bedrooms until I stop fighting. - Oof. Poor Katniss! But yeah, it was the best call to remove her from the situation, Mrs. E. had to focus on what she was doing... Also, Haymitch and Peeta are the ones to get Katniss out of there and stay with her - these three take care of each other!
After a while, my mother comes in and treats my face. Then she holds my hand, stroking my arm, while Haymitch fills her in on what happened with Gale. “So it’s starting again?” she says. “Like before?” - Katniss’s mom has become a much more active and soothing presence in this book, I like it... Also, what does “again” mean? Does this imply there has been an attempted uprising in D12 that needed to be squashed before?
Cray would have been disliked, anyway, because of the uniform he wore, but it was his habit of luring starving young women into his bed for money that made him an object of loathing in the district. In really bad times, the hungriest would gather at his door at nightfall, vying for the chance to earn a few coins to feed their families by selling their bodies. Had I been older when my father died, I might have been among them. - Horrifying and absolutely disgusting 🤢 Those poor women! How desperate they must have been! 
... when the doorbell rings, I shoot straight out of bed. [...] “They [the peacekeepers] can’t have him,” I say. “Might be you they’re after,” Haymitch reminds me. “Or you,” I say. “Not my house,” Haymitch points out. “But I’ll get the door.” “No, I’ll get it,” says my mother quietly. - Again, Mrs. Everdeen is taking the initiative! She was so watered down in the movies
[Madge] holds out a small, damp cardboard box to me. “Use these for your friend,” she says. I take off the lid of the box, revealing half a dozen vials of clear liquid. [...] “What is that stuff?” asks Peeta. “It’s from the Capitol. It’s called morphling,” my mother answers. “I didn’t even know Madge knew Gale,” says Peeta. “We used to sell her strawberries,” I say almost angrily. What am I angry about, though? Not that she has brought the medicine, surely. “She must have quite a taste for them,” says Haymitch. That’s what nettles me. It’s the implication that there’s something going on between Gale and Madge. And I don’t like it. “She’s my friend” is all I say. - I mean, Katniss could be mad because A) Gale had literally just told her he loved her a few hours ago and if there was something (reciprocated) going on between Gale and Madge, that would have been pretty shitty for both girls involved and also B) she is friends with both of them and it would be hurtful to learn that two of your closest friends had been seeing each other without telling you anything about it... also, she’s super upset over Gale getting so seriously hurt just after they’d had an argument, her feelings are all over the place
... I’m selfish. I’m a coward. I’m the kind of girl, who, when she might actually be of use, would run to stay alive and leave those who couldn’t follow to suffer and die. This is the girl Gale met in the woods today. No wonder I won the Games. No decent person ever does. You saved Peeta, I think weakly. But now I question even that. I knew good and well that my life back in District 12 would be unlivable if I let that boy die. - Yes, Katniss, you knew that your life back in D12 would have been unlivable if he died - but not because you feared that people would shun you; it was because you “couldn’t lose the boy with the bread” and because “if he dies, I’ll never go home, not really”... This is an excellent example of how distorted your memories can get when you are in a bad headspace at present
The berries. I realize the answer to who I am lies in that handful poisonous fruit. If I held them out to save Peeta because I knew I would be shunned if I came back without him, then I am despicable. If I held them out because I loved him, I am still self-centered, although forgivable. But if I held them out to defy the Capitol, I am someone of worth. - Katniss, you don’t have to be planning to overthrow a corrupt and cruel government to be someone of worth! You’re someone of worth just by being yourself! - The trouble is, I don’t know exactly what was going on inside me at that moment. - Frankly, very rarely are our motivations clearly defined by a single factor - or my professor would not have been able to teach an entire semester-long course on motivation psychology😉)
Chapter 9
Gale’s dead to the world, but his fingers are locked around mine. I smell fresh bread and turn my stiff neck to find Peeta looking down at me with such a sad expression. I get the sense that he’s been watching us awhile. “Go on up to bed, Katniss. I’ll look after him now,” he says. - Peeta! Must have been hard for him to see Katniss like this (and the underlying strength of Katniss and Gale’s relationship, when his relationship with Katniss is still not all that solidified), and yet he’s being such a good bean about it 😭
I give a strangled cry and wake with a start, sweating and shivering at once. Cradling my damaged cheek in my hand, I remind myself that it was not Clove but Thread who gave me this wound. I wish that Peeta were here to hold me, until I remember I’m not supposed to wish that anymore. I have chosen Gale and the rebellion, and a future with Peeta is the Capitol’s design, not mine. - Katniss, gurl... Maybe your instinctive desire to receive comfort from Peeta is trying to tell you something??!? Also, Katniss is forcing this strange dichotomous association of Gale = rebellion and Peeta = Capitol, when in just a bit, she’s clearly connecting Peeta to the rebellion as well (aside from the fact that Peeta was basically the first person to suggest to her that maybe a rebellion was necessary... just saying)
Fighting the Capitol assures their swift retaliation. I must accept that at any moment I can be arrested. [...] There might be torture. Mutliation. A bullet through the skull in the town square [...] I imagine these things and I’m terrified, but let’s face it: They’ve been lurking in the back of my brain, anyway. [...] I’m already a target. - Oh geez! Despite admitting that she’s terrified of what the Capitol is capable fo doing to her, Katniss is still pretty composed naming the possible horrors in store for her, which is just a heartbreaking reminder of how many terrible things she has already had to endure.🙁
Now comes the harder part. I have to face the fact that my family and friends might share this fate. Prim. I need only to think of Prim and all my resolve disintegrates. It’s my job to protect her. [...] I can’t let the Capitol hurt Prim. - 😭😭😭 Katniss has reached a point where she can put her own need for survival/physical intactness aside, but the thought of something awful happening to Prim stops her short (it’s so strange to think that, in a twisted way, it wasn’t the Capitol who’d ended up inflicting the final harm upon Prim...)
And then it hit’s me. They already have. They have killed her father in those wretched mines. They have sat by as she almost starved to death. [...] She has been hurt far worse than I had at the age of twelve. And even that pales in comparison with Rue’s life. [...] Prim... Rue... aren’t they the very reason I have to try to fight? Because what has been done to them is so wrong, so beyond justification, so evil that there is no choice? Because no one has the right to treat them as they have been treated? Yes. This is the thing to remember when fear threatens to swallow me up. What I am about to do, whatever any of us are forced to endure, it is for them. - All these things are very true and it’s also very fitting that the main motivation for Katniss would be to ensure a better future for the children of Panem (and to avenge the evils done to the people close to her heart... while Katniss of course can see the abstract bigger picture/reason for the rebellion, she always operates best when it comes to specific people/circumstances she has a deep, personal connection with)... But also: all these things apply to you, too, Katniss! Despite your tendency to feel responsible for everything and everyone, you’re still a child that had to grow up way too fast and had to endure way too much!
We need someone to direct us and reassure us this is possible. And I don’t think I’m that person. I may have been a catalyst for rebellion, but a leader should be someone with conviction, and I’m barely a convert myself. Someone with unflinching courage, and I’m still working hard at finding mine. Someone with clear and persuasive words, and I’m so easily tongue-tied. Words. I think of words and I think of Peeta. - Katniss’s idea of a great leader for the rebellion is Peeta - interesting, isn’t it (she could have considered Gale, but no)? She makes a good point, though: it helps when a leader has plenty of charisma, and our boy has that in spades; he’s got a good set of morals, is not above joining in on the action/risking his own neck when the need arises and is very genuine and purposeful with his words and actions, which is inspiring... I think Katniss is severely underselling how courageous she is, though
He could move a crowd to action, I bet, if he chose to. Would find the things to say. But I’m sure the idea has never crossed his mind. - Why would you assume that, Katniss? Peeta’s literally the one to suggest to you that trying to placate the district might not be the right thing to do... Peeta’s not someone who’d stir up trouble just for the sake of stirring up trouble, sure; he’s much more deliberate about doing things the ‘right’ way, but he’s not generally opposed to challenging authorities (he’s literally the one to openly gift some of your winnings to another district!)
She knows what she’s doing, my mother. I feel a pang of remorse about yesterday, the awful things I yelled at her as Peeta and Haymitch dragged me from the kitchen. “I’m sorry. About screaming at you yesterday.” - It’s so sweet how Katniss feels sorry for yelling at her mom and apologizes to her; their relationship really has improved so much in this book - “I’ve heard worse,” she says. “You’ve seen how people are, when someone they love is in pain.” Someone they love. [...] Of course, I love Gale. But what kind of love does she mean? What do I mean when I say I love Gale? I don’t know. I did kiss him last night, in a moment when my emotions were running so high. But i’m sure he doesn’t remember it. Does he? I hope not. - Katniss is struggling to figure out in what way she loves Gale... She definitely doesn’t want him to remember their kiss because she knows it wouldn’t be fair to give him the hope that she might be able to return his romantic feelings when she is still in the dark about her own
... and I can’t really think about kissing when I’ve got a rebellion to incite. I give my head a little shake to clear it. “Where’s Peeta?” I say. - Lol, goes on to immediately mention the guy she’s been kissing these past few weeks (see, with Peeta you could actually have both: kissing and rebellion, Katniss - he’s the perfect man, isn’t he? 😉😋)
“He went home when he heard you stirring. Didn’t want to leave his house unattended during the storm,” says my mother. - Yeah, I don’t think Peeta left because of his house; I’m pretty sure he needed some time to himself after seeing Katniss and Gale this morning - he is the type of person who needs to be alone to work through his feelings when he’s feeling upset - “Did he get back all right?” [...] “Why don’t you give him a call and check?” she says. I go into the study, a room I’ve pretty much avoided since my meeting with President Snow, and dial Peeta’s number. After a few rings he answers. “Hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home,” I say. “Katniss. I live three houses away from you,” he says. “I know, but with the weather and all,” I say. “Well, I’m fine. Thank you for checking.” There’s a long pause. “How’s Gale?” - Aww, Katniss is worried about Peeta and gives him a call, although she hates being in the study 😊 Also, her calling him must have been at least of some reassurance to Peeta that she genuinely cares about him, in some way (though, he’s still clearly busy processing her relationship with Gale, since he’s asking about him as if he hadn’t seen that dude just a couple of minutes prior)
“Have you seen Haymitch today?” “I checked in on him. Dead drunk. But I built up his fire and left him some bread,” he says. “I wanted to talk to - to both of you.” I don’t dare add more, here on my phone, which is surely tapped. -  Despite everything, Peeta still made sure to look after Haymitch! And I know, there is also the issue of their houses themselves potentially being bugged, but I couldn’t help imagining how they could easily avoid the whole phone-tapping thing simply by using a tin can telephone (they do live pretty close to each other, after all) 😂
“You don’t even have a phone,” I say. “Effie had that fixed,” he [Haymitch] says. “Do you know she asked me if I’d like to give you away? I told her the sooner the better.” “Haymitch.” I can hear the pleading creeping into my voice. “Katniss.” He mimics my tone. “It won’t work.” - Okay, but Haymitch mimicking Katniss’s tone reminds me so much of when Peeta mimicked her tone towards the end of their Games, when she was trying to persuade him to climb into a tree as a lookout while he was insistent she’d show him some plants to gather; these three, I swear! 😂 On a sad note, Haymitch is talking from experience here when he’s advising Katniss not to challenge the Capitol 🥺😢
Some streets away from the square, I see a blaze flare up. None of us has to say it. That can only be the Hob going up in smoke. I think of Greasy Sae, Ripper, all my friends who make their livings there. - Katniss considers the people from the Hob her friends - honestly, even if the Hawthornes, Everdeens, Peeta and Haymitch all had agreed to leave D12, I don’t think Katniss would have been able to go through with it - she cares too much about the people in D12 to have been able to leave them to their fate
“Well, I better go see how much rubbing alcohol the apothecary can spare.” He [Haymitch] trudges off across the square and I look at Peeta. “What’s he want that for?” Then I realize the answer. “We can’t let him drink it. He’ll kill himself, or at the very least go blind. I’ve got some white liquor put away at home.” “Me, too. Maybe that will hold him until Ripper finds a way to be back in business,” says Peeta. - Another instance of Katniss and Peeta being on the same wavelength, having taken precautions to help out Haymitch so he doesn’t have to go cold turkey again
We find Hazelle in her house, nursing a very sick Posy. I recognize the measles spots. “I couldn’t leave her,” she says. “I knew Gale’d be in the best possible hands.” - The second mention of someone having contracted the measles in D12 - Why the heck does the Capitol withhold measles vaccination from the people in the districts?! They’re inflicting unnecessary damage onto the very people they want to exploit... But I guess cruelty isn’t always about playing it smart and logical...
When we’re outside, I turn to Peeta. “You go on back. I want to walk by the Hob.” “I’ll go with you,” he says. “No. I’ve dragged you into enough trouble,” I tell him. “And avoiding a stroll by the Hob... that’s going to fix things for me?” He smiles and takes my hand. - They are a team, they stick together (and they are constantly holding hands, always physically linked to each other)😩💕 Also, Peeta pointing out the irrationality of Katniss’s train of thought to calm her down and stay with her reminds me of how he’s going to use logical reasoning to calm her down after the jabberjays in the Quarter Quell arena
We go back to the square. I buy some cakes from Peeta’s father while they exchange small talk about the weather. No one mentions the ugly tools of torture just yards from the front door. The last thing I notice as we leave the square is that I do not recognize even one of the Peacekeepers’ faces. - How weird is it that Peeta and his dad just talk about the weather?! Is this supposed to illustrate how in the Mellark family they just ignored the ugliness going on in their lives *cough cough* the abuse *cough cough* and just pretended that everything was fine, on a very superficial level? Also, it makes perfect sense that the Peacekeepers have been exchanged; the more time we spend with people, the more likely we are to like them - that won’t do if you want to have a ruthless authoritarian police force in the districts
As the days pass, things go from bad to worse. The mines stay shut for two weeks, and by that time half of District 12 is starving. The number of kids signing up for tesserae soars, but they often don’t receive their grain. Food shortages begin, and even those with money come away from stores empty-handed. [...] The eagerly awaited food promised for Parcel Day arrives spoiled and defiled by rodents. - This is just so awful and despicable 😞 Life in the districts was already horrible but now the government does not even honor the extortionary rules they themselves have set up! I can’t help but wonder if the lack of food could be traced back to rebellions in the food supplying districts and, to keep this from the inhabitants of the Capitol, the reduced amount of good food was (obviously) kept for the Capitolites, so that the bad food had to be sent to the districts, anyway... It just seems like such a breach of ‘honor’/etiquette on the Capitol’s part, I dunno... Or maybe Snow was just desperate to use any means necessary to stamp out any potential rebellions in the districts that he still had some control over...
Gale goes home with no more talk of rebellion between us. But I can’t help thinking that everything he sees will only strengthen his resolve to fight back. [...] Rory has signed up for tesserae, something Gale can’t even speak about - Poor, Gale! Poor Hawthornes :(
My fingers have all but decided to release the arrow when I see the object in the glove. It’s a small white circle of flat bread. More of a cracker, really. Gray and soggy around the edges. But an image is clearly stamped in the center of it. It’s my mockingjay. - It is so very telling that the true symbol of the rebellion combines something symbolic of Katniss (which also contains a nod to Rue) and something symbolic of Peeta (the bread/cracker!) The people in the districts have rightfully recognized the both of them as symbol of the rebellion; they have a truer vision of the matter than the more artifically/forcefully constructed symbol of rebellion that D13 /Coin will push - we will also see that when the people in D13 will view Peeta as a traitor, while the rebels Katniss will visit in D8 instead ask her about Peeta and assure her that they know he was speaking under duress
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roulettefeel · 2 years
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Hi! Same anon as yesterday. I was hoping I could ask you one more question: how do you think Keiji will act in 3-2? I noticed that while the Shin route has eliminated the Yabusames and Q-taro (leaving Shin with Kanna's killers), the Kanna route has three children/two and a teen and no tech savvy person (unless they can revive Hayasaka's doll). I have no idea what to expect from Keiji, who cares for the group but who also has the 3rd highest survival rate and prioritized himself over Sara in 3-2.
(Cont) I don't know if he'll pull a "let's kill everyone, Sara, and escape together" since that already happened with Ranmaru, but I am curious to see how he'll respond now that the opportunity to "weed" people out has become more accessible than ever, and the chances of escape are becoming slimmer. He went through a lot in 3-1b and saw how hard the group was fighting for his survival, though, so I'm not sure. Anyways, thanks for putting up with me. I love your blog. :)
November and December were a busy time for me, but now that I have time to answer this:
- "Let's kill everyone, Sara, and escape together" has been more than just Ranmaru. Joe considered it but backed down without communicating to Sara, Nao could actually pull it off with the power of choice in Sara's hands, and then there was Ranmaru. Who knows maybe Ranmaru doing it in 3-1 means it doesn't have to happen in 3-2 because the attempt was already made.
As for Keiji specifically, what comes to my mind when I think of what needs resolved for his character is that Megumi (who was left out of 3-1) needs to get focus and proper characterization in 3-2. Nankidai gave characterization to all the other dead candidates so no way is Megumi going to be characterized solely by how other characters saw her instead of getting a chance to speak for herself. I do not know why Megumi would show up in 3-2 or what exactly it would do for Keiji's character but writing wise I'd assume its a situation to put to test what kind of person Keiji truly is.
A living Shin needs resolution with what seeing his mentor/friend Sou Hiyori again does for him as a person. Mr Chidouin being part of the death game in some capacity is going to exist for Sara to confront her own upbringing and sense of self. Megumi is a dangling plot thread for Keiji for her role in creating what kind of person he is as his mentor.
Kanna route Keiji will be the most impactful test of character for Keiji because Shin has promised conflict in 3-2 that makes him easy for the group to cannibalize if it would heighten their chances (likely leaving Sara in the end to choose between Gin and Keiji, in a route she already chose to kill a child for the sake of someone more "useful" to her). Kanna route has no need for inter-group discord and the numbers aren't so narrowed down with the living Yabusame that its easy to just give up and attempt a two person victory. Shin route is built to be ugly, but Kanna route can get uglier if Keiji betrays the group. Especially with 3-1 completely ignoring how shady Keiji was in chapter 2 in favor of Sara having an emotional bond with him. Can her fragile state of mind even handle Keiji being shady at this point?
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2-cute-4-school · 4 years
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𝙉𝘾𝙏 𝘿𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 : 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙪𝙨𝙪𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙘𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙝 𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙨 𝙨𝙤𝙛𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢
 @proseeuhn~aaah its okay if it takes a while! i honestly dont mind! my requests was… how would the dreamies react to their friend/crush who is usually unintentionally quite distant and intimidating being with soft with them and grabbing their hand out of nowhere to just play with it? if that makes sense?? like the friend/crush gets all soft and grabs the dreamies hand and plays with it djskks thank you in advance! ~ Thank you so much for your request (๑>◡<๑) , it was such a fun and original idea, i really enjoyed coming up with scenarios for this (requests are still open btw)
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Mark Lee
so mark may be just a tiny huge bit scared of you sometimes
but that’s mostly because babie doesn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of you  🥺
cuz your rbf gives him THE chills sometimes
you’re the definition of a ‘bruh’ person but somehow that’s a huge charm in mark’s eyes he’s royally whipped been there done that
and the one(1) way mark can fully relax and be in his element is when he’s playing the guitar i’d die to see/hear him
and even after he’s done you’re just ✨ vibing ✨ together in silence
until you suddenly reach out and grasp his hand in yours and bring it close to your face
mark.exe has unexpectedly crashed (((( ;°Д°))))
“woah your fingertips are so calloused from playing”
mark needs a cooler PRONTO (⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)
he’s OVERHEATING FOR REAL and hyperaware of your warm breath fawning over his fingertips
and then you intertwine your hands and bring them into your lap as you brush your thumb against the exposed skin on his hand that you’re able to reach with a small smile on your lips (゚ ω゚//)
and mark is SHOOK with your casual display of affection and softness
he can’t help but stare at the soft curl of your lips, the light twinkle in your eyes, the fingers that grip his own so firmly yet so endearingly ♡‿♡
“you’re so beautiful” it just slips out 
0.0 pause, delete existence, rewind major PANIC
but to his immense surprise a faded hue of red paints your cheeks and ears (๑•́‧̫•̀๑)
“thanks, you’ll get there too eventually “ 
(ノT_T)ノ ^┻━┻  way to ruin a moment
but he does forgive you when he feels the index finger of your other hand trace a faint heart on the back of his hand (*>ω<*)
and mark would spend a lifetime playing his guitar if it meant he’d get to witness this unexpected but very welcomed side of you
Huang Renjun
renjun probably watches you like a hawk 
your distant demeanor sometimes baffles him poor baby
but he likes you too much to give up so easily whipped man ٩(♡ε♡ )۶
and he does everything he can to *subtly* hint about his tiny huge crush but without making you uncomfortable renjun best boi we been knew
but you don’t seem to get the gist AT ALL (>皿<)
and renjun is getting more and more concerned on your lack of affection towards him 
so babie gets lowkey sad (oꆤ︵ꆤo) not allowed in this household
until one blessed time you’re peeking over his shoulder as he inspects one of his unworldly amazing drawings
*GASP* “JUN THAT’S SO BEAUTIFUL”
you hurriedly take a seat beside him and grab one of his hands in yours as you gush over his artwork
“HOW EVEN, THIS IS JUST…JUST- I HAVE NO WORDS, MY JUN IS THE BEST ARTIST IN THIS filthy WORLD!!!11!!!1!” ლ(^o^ლ)
renjun’s brain and face is overheating
‘we…we’re holding ha-hands??!? and they called me best artist- wait ‘MY jun’??!?!!??!?!?’ (◎0◎)
and while he’s already shutting down, you decide enough isn’t enough and give  him THE FINAL BLOW
you run your fingers gently over the back of his right hand and you suddenly lean your head on his shoulder as your soft voice registers in his overworked brain
“your birthmark is so pretty, renjun, so unique” (♥ω♥*)
*please bring cold water, towels, a fan, the entire fridge, renjun is burning alive he hot that’s why* 
but renjun makes THE ULTIMATE POWER MOVE and brings your intertwined hands up to lay a *smooch* on your hand  🥺
get a room pls 
Lee Jeno
the members once said they also found jeno intimidating and cold before getting to know him 
so he’s certain that you only need to open up a lil
that’s why no matter how distant and icy you  act towards him 
he never NEVER gives up
just shoots you one of his ^‿^ smiles and carries on
and unconsciously, you start to soften up around him
and there a very specific moment when he started to realize that
you were helping him cut up some fruits and as he was about to grab another apple, you grabbed his hand, intently inspecting it
jeno having a heated internal debate : ‘chill man, don’t give them a reason to catch you off guard’  (ó﹏ò。)
“well i gotta admit lee jeno” 
“huh?” insert that cute confused sound he makes
“i’m really awestruck by you”
jeno puffing his chest internally : ‘well it’s damn time you noticed me senpai’ (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و
“you’ve really got the ugliest tan i’ve ever seen”
‘ASDFKAWDKSAIKAKJW- *passes out* ‘ X.X
jeno just snatches his hand away and grumbles about fruits and bicycles
he’s sulky the entire day but not because you hurt his ego no 
and as much as you love teasing jeno, your growing soft spot for him is acting up and your melted heart just *mush*
so you kick renjun off the couch in order to sit beside jeno renjun tries to protest but you shoot him *that look* and he retreats with his tail between his legs ミ●﹏☉ミ
jeno tries to keep up his deeply hurt act dramatic much
until he feels shy fingers brushing his as if hesitating, before they curl around his firmly
‘ASDFKAWDKSAIKAKJW- *passes out* ‘ x2 because the softness in his heart is just too much for him
later on it becomes a habit neither of you complains
Lee Donghyuck
it’s the 4th time in the past 2 hours
and yes, donghyuck has been keeping count for scientific purposes obv
nvm, it’s the 5th time your hand brushed against his 
and hyuck is  ✨  ABOUT TO LOSE HIS MARBLES  ✨
the demons on his shoulders are arguing by now 
‘this is an attempt to subtly hold your hand dumbass’ (-‸ლ)
‘no it’s not, they would never touch anyone, remember when they threatened to chop chop that guy’s balls for touching them?’
‘it’s not the same thing, you’d let the opportunity if holding your crush’s hand pass by like this?’
‘sure go ahead, and then watch y/n dip it in acid’   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
donghyuck shuddered at the thought
what he doesn’t know is that sure, while sticking a random guy’s hand up his ass for touching you is a ‘been there done that’ for you
hyuck isn’t just a random guy
you’d choke on an asparagus before admitting it, but he has grown on you
sure, he’s still an annoying brat sometimes 
but he’s so much more than that, he understood you in ways other couldn’t, he was patient with you and did his best to comfort and show you he cares in his own way  (。♡ˇд ˇ♡。)
and you grew to care for him too
maybe a bit more than a friend should   ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
“hey hyuck!! my hand is cold, warm it up for me”
you acted on impulse before you could chicken out and before hyuck could answer and slipped your hand in his
demon on left shoulder : ‘ha told ya pay up BEACH’
“you only love me for my warmth” said donghyuck totally not blushing and fangirling on the inside
“pffft i don’t love you, i like tolerate you and just shut up human radiator” said y/n totally not swinging their hands back and forward like kids in love 
Na Jaemin
this man= W H I P P E D
y/n makes an edible omlet? jaemin : this is real taste, 5 star michelin right here!!  stream gods menu cowards
y/n squishes hyuck like a bug for waking them up? jaemin : yes babe whoop go off cutie!!! (•̀o•́)ง
y/n breathes? jaemin : PERFECTION!!!11!!!1!!1!!
so you went from ‘(•ิ_•ิ)? what is this person saying??’
to ‘ (。•́︿•̀。)why isn’t he saying anything’ whenever he omits cheering you 
but in a subtle way
you can’t have him catching on
so one day you’re sitting at the kitchen table and he’s feeding you pieces of fruit you whine about being able to feed yourself but nana knows you’re secretly enjoying it
when you suddenly snatch his other hand and one of renjun’s pencils left around and you  🥺 him
unfair if you ask him, how is he supposed to say no so he doesn’t
and you start doodling on his hand o(^◇^)o
he tries to peek at what you’re doing but you squeal softly and move to cover your drawing 
“nana! wait until i’m done!!!’ (`0´)
he *melts* at your cute reactions and resorts to watching your face expressions fondly as he occasionally prods your lips with fruit
“done!!!”
you move away to let him see the cute dolphin you drew on the back of his hand and he gushes about the cuteness of your drawing
but then you shyly start fiddling with his fingers as you explain
“you know how a dolphin helped poseidon find his love? this will make sure you’ll always find me” (๑•́‧̫•̀๑)
jaemin, softly smiling in understanding, curls his own fingers over yours and brings them up to his chest 
“you don’t have to worry about that”
Zhong Chenle
chenle doesn’t seem a very affectionate person either
so he’s not really worried about your lack of affection social distancing
what he is worried about is that you’re also distant on an emotional level
because what if he misreads you?
what if you misunderstand him because of the lack of communication?
what if he isn’t there for you the one time you need him?
this baby just wants you to know he cares (◕⌓◕;)
but at the same time he doesn’t want to act in a different way around you read as doesn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of his crush
also you’re quite close
as friends for now (。•̀ᴗ-)✧
and as he does with all his close friends : he brings you to his home in china!!!!
and this boi has the surprise of his life when you obviously make an effort to open up to his family ໒( ͡ᵔ ▾ ͡ᵔ )७
you smile and chat a lot with his mom and chenle also gets to talk a lot with you since he has to translate so who’s the real winner here
and you know that variety show(?) where chenle dances with his grandpa in the park? you go there too (∗´꒳`)
and while you’re both waiting on the side…
you!!!!grab!!!!his!!!!HAND!!!! and pull him towards the dance floor!!
chenle : Σ(゜ロ゜;) then looks at you being all : o(^◇^) and chenle turns to : (●♡∀♡)  whipped culture everyone
he barely even breathes until you settle for a comfortable dance pattern, one of your hands on his shoulder, one of his laying gingerly on your waist respectfully cuz he is a manners man 
but most importantly : hands clasped together at the side!!!!!!
and these minutes in which you just dance together without a worry, chenle gets to live his long forgotten childhood dreams 🥺  you know how in cinderella it’s the dance that starts everything? yeah that
chenle marks this date in his calendar and makes it a national day 
Park Jisung
lyin’ is a sin so we don’t do that in dis household
jisung is highly intimidated by you (⌣_⌣”)
as in he likes likes you but he doesn’t dare act on his feelings in any way
so renjun and haechan took it upon themselves to play cupid a horrible decision really
and it seems that their attempts at dr. love only ended up in disasters
locked you together in a rollercoaster together? jisung threw up on both your laps (✦థ ェ థ)ノ
ice skating together? jisung stumbled into you, knocking you over so you left the ring with a bruised chin and sore knees and jisung : (シ_ _)シ
arcade hangout? your competitive self almost made jisung cry you not only ignored him but also kicked his ass in every. single. game
so no one had any expectations when they arranged a horror movie night and invited you to sit beside jisung ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
you were awfully quiet since the start of the movie which wasn’t necessarily unusual but ya know 
but the atmosphere was getting tenser and tenser and you just knew some kind of jumpscare was coming
and survival comes first!!!! so you clutch onto the nearest thing
jisung’s hand ding dong correct!!!!
and you also bury your face in his shoulder subtly (っ⇀⑃↼)っ
you, shitting your pants : not a word to the others
jisung, also shitting his pants : not one
but uh even though jisung is awkward and everything, he isn’t complaining!!
he finds comfort in your death grip and you’re also his crush so DOUBLE WIN!!!  !(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑
ofc the others notice but they don’t say a word because ✨ you’re cute ✨ so they leave the teasing for later thought you escaped? not a chance beach
and to make it all even more embarrassingly cute, you fall asleep like that
and you wake up the next morning tucked in jisung’s side with a sore neck, clammy hands and 200 notifs on your phone with pictures of you and jisung sleeping from every  possible angle (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
and with a soon-to-be boyfriend too
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