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levi-my-beloved · 3 years

Text

Birds of a Feather

Chapter 3

Pairings: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Content warnings: Violence, implied torture, two pining idiots being two pining idiots, probably ooc Levi cuz oof i suck

Word count: 8.2K

Summary: You were the most notorious criminal in the Underground City. With your organisation of highly skilled professionals, only one man could take you down. He also happened to be Humanity’s Strongest… and your ex.

Previous Chapter

First Chapter

A/N: y’all these chapters are getting real long now… and they only get longer as i keep writing. just wanted to a say a quick and huge thank you for the amazing support i’ve had so far. i honestly didn’t think anyone would read this little story and it’s so heartwarming to see people enjoying it

i love every one of y’all so much 🥺

𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔

If your hands were free, you would have shielded your eyes as the blinding sun greeted you. You weren’t quite expecting it to be so bright. You knew the overhead world was nowhere near as dark as it was in the Underground City, you’d seen the rays of light spilling down from the toll gate but never in your life had you expected life to seem so..,

Vibrant.

Blinking a few times, you almost had to force yourself to remember your circumstances, gently pulling against your chains. The look of awe on your face was unmistakable.

“Holy shit…” you breathed, eyes now wide as you took in your surroundings. It was warm up here. Really warm. The sun gently beating down on the busy streets. Levi appeared next to you, pushing you forward to continue up the stairs.

“Don’t get used to it, you’ll be in a cell before long,” you were expecting to catch some satisfaction in his tone, but there was nothing other than contempt. You took a breath, managing to resist attempting to kick his shin as you kept climbing the stairs, now fully embraced in the sun’s light. Though it didn’t last as long as you would have liked. Sooner than you deemed necessary, if you were honest, a carriage clattered up in front of you. It was surprisingly lavish considering you were a criminal. Squinting in suspicion, your hesitation only earned a rough push against the back of your head.

“Get in.”

“You never were one for manners were you?” you drawled after stumbling clumsily into the carriage. The plush leather seats squeaking against your own getup, leather on leather disagreeing with each other.

“Not when it comes to people like you, no,” the raven haired man took up a seat opposite you, immediately folding his arms as staring out the small, curtained window. A muscle in your jaw flickered in irritation.

“People like me? You mean people like you? Or have you really forgotten where you came from? Did you lose brain cells as well as your sense of self?” god you just wouldn’t let up, would you? Levi rolled his eyes, successfully masking how much he hated the way you spoke to him. Like nothing ever happened between you. He understood. Of course he did. He knew why you were so upset. Why you were trying so hard to hurt him. He knew you wanted him to hurt the same way you did, but knowing what you were doing wasn’t going to stop the spear you kept repeatedly driving into his heart.

You attempted to shift ever so slightly, just so your hands weren’t painfully crushed against your back. Once again the thought of kicking him crossed your mind, but the situation wasn’t exactly in your favour right now.

It was only a few moments of awkward, deafening silence before you two were joined by both Erwin and Hange, the latter opting to sit next to you, seemingly not worried about whether or not you could still skin her alive even with your wrists bound. Erwin sat a respectable distance from you, despite the size of the carriage. The man barely fit, it was only because of your own size and the size of Levi did you assume you were all able to travel together. That still didn’t stop the man opposite you from throwing you a disgusted look as your knee grazed his. Just to piss him off, you did it again.

“SO! Raven, you’re joining the Scouts?” Hange blurted out, earning her a glare from Levi, a sigh from Erwin and a baffled scoff from you.

“Yeeeaaah… no. That’s not happening.”

“I’m afraid you don’t have a choice in the matter,” Erwin chimed in, almost defeatedly.

“Why don’t you just do what you usually do with criminals? Hang me as some sick entertainment for the public.”

“That can be arranged.”

“Levi…” Erwin warned lowly, to which Levi simply clicked his tongue in response.

Shit, that one hurt. He really didn’t care for you anymore, did he?

Once again, if you had your hands free, you would have run them through your hair. Joining the Scouts? That was never really something that ever crossed your mind. It didn’t seem to make sense. Why on earth would they want to draft you in? The question was swiftly pushed from your mind, replaced by another. Something you’d been burning to know ever since you realised the Scouts knew your location.

“Who was it?” you asked quietly, staring at your feet. Levi stiffened, shifting his eyes from the window back to you. Your demeanor struck a chord with him. You looked defeated, shoulders hunched over. “Who betrayed us? I just want to know.”

A heavy silence settled over the trio, none of them wanting to be the one who broke the news. The bond and connection between you and your Nest was strong. Trust ran through your veins, so to have it broken by any one of them was already shattering your very being.

“A woman. Brown hair, blue eyes. Scarlett, I think her name was,” at that moment, everything seemed to stop. Your world froze. It was Scarlett. Your own lover. Your wife. The woman you trusted more than any of them. She had betrayed you. Betrayed all of you. She was the one who put Una’s life in danger. The one who was responsible for the scar across her neck she would carry forever.

The three Scouts looked at each other, each not really knowing how you would react. Not even you knew how you were going to react. You were stuck in limbo. Everything and nothing was going through your mind. You didn’t know how long you’d sat there staring at nothing, simply trying to process this information, but it must have been an uncomfortably long time, if Erwin’s awkward throat clearing was any indication, gently bringing you back from your thought spiral.

“Oh.” was all you could manage, still not able to raise your head. Your eyes started to burn after not blinking for seemingly too long. How could she? How could she betray you? To the Military Police, of all people. You hadn’t cried for a very, very long time, but damn you were close.

Shit this entire ordeal had been difficult, but seeing you so defeated was next level. Levi dug his fingernails into his palm to stop himself from holding you. From comforting you. He still knew you well enough to tell when something was wrong. Very wrong. And although his stomach twisted slightly with the ideas of who this woman was running through his head, it was all he could do to tear his eyes from your hunched shoulders, returning his gaze to the window as the world passed him by.

“Did you know her?”

“Why would I tell you?” you tilt your head, glaring at Hange next to you, your jaw clenched. You may have just felt the last remaining fragment of your heart shatter, but that didn’t mean you would give them any more information than you had to.

“Raven, I give you my word, we will leave The Nest be,” Erwin tried his hand at reassuring you. None of this made any sense. Why were they being nice? Don’t they know how many soldiers you and your people had slaughtered? How much you had stolen from their warehouses?

You raised your eyes, seeing Levi glancing at you cautiously. Silver hues flicking over your defeated form with that same, cemented expression of boredom, before slowly looking back to the window. You spent the rest of the journey in silence, going over all the events that had led to this moment. How you could have possibly let this happen.

You trusted Prongs. You knew he would take care of your family. But Scarlett…

The bony claws of betrayal grasped your throat, gently squeezing until it became difficult to breathe. The walls of the carriage started closing in around you. Helplessness tainting the corners of your mind. You were stranded. Captured and soon to be forced into the military. To face those titans you’d heard so many people talk about.

You’d found the first man to ever hold your heart. You’d lost him, and then you’d found him again. And you could almost feel his hatred for you.

And though you put on a brave face. Though you put on an act to convince him you felt the same…

You couldn’t find it in your fractured heart to return his hatred.

The gentle, rhythmic clopping of hooves came to a slow stop, the door opening outwards to let the four of you out. Hange hopped down the step with seemingly boundless energy, before immediately engaging in conversation with a taller, worried looking man. Erwin stepped down, but once again you refused to move. If you could make their lives as difficult as possible, you would. Pure spite was fueling you now, your only current reason to carry on.

“Oi, move,” it was a blunt command, and one you paid no mind to. Not even raising your head to acknowledge Levi had said anything. “Hey. Did you lose your hearing on the way here? I said move,” a sharp kick to your shin prompted you to tilt your chin just enough to shoot another one of your glares in his direction. He too had to keep up his charade until he could get you alone and finally have a proper conversation.

“Go to hell,” was your only response, heavily debating spitting in his face as his hands once again grasped your arm. You flinched ever so slightly at the contact, something that didn’t go unnoticed, but it appeared Levi didn’t care.

Levi did care. Holy shit did Levi care. What the hell had happened to you to prompt you to flinch in such a way? Who the fuck had laid their hands on you? Who the fuck had hurt you like that? He allowed the rage to course through his veins, before letting it simmer down. He would deal with that later.

You stumbled as you were almost thrown from the carriage, knees colliding with the stone beneath you before you were dragged back to your feet

That fucking hurt. You started to think that maybe you could return his hatred. The next chance you got, you were driving you knee into his fucking gut. But for now, you decided to settle your glare on Erwin as he was talking to a darker haired man who kept glancing in your direction. It’s only now you realised your condition. You were filthy, mud and grime greasing your hair, blood and small cuts littering your face and knuckles, a dark bruise blossoming on the underside of your chin. Levi’s hand still held you firm, preventing you from even attempting to escape. Not that you would. You really couldn’t see the point, other than running into titan territory yourself. You tensed as the tall, haggard looking man approached you, apprehension mixed with disgust clouded his eyes, but it was an expression you refused to flinch away from.

“The Raven?” you couldn’t help raising a brow.

“Stupid fucking question. No, I'm just an innocent bystander dressed like The Raven for a costume party. I just so happened to think a pair of manacles clasped around my wrists completed the look,” you hissed sarcastically, and you could have sworn you heard something that could resemble a laugh from behind you, but it was so miniscule it was difficult to tell. If only this had been ten years ago.

You watched with satisfaction as a muscle twitched in his jaw, before the man managed to compose himself.

“My name is Niles Dok, Commander of the Military Police soldiers you seem to have so much fun slaughtering,” he introduced himself in a way that made it seem like the last thing he wanted to be doing was introducing himself to you right now.

“So? Do you want a written apology or something? Have to take these chains off me first,” you spat, with the innocent smile of an adder. This seemed to rile the man up more, to the point where he fisted your hair painfully, yanking your head up. His voice lowered to a dangerous murmur.

“Listen you little whore, I don’t know which door to hell you crawled out of, but I have men specially trained to deal with rats like you. They take pleasure in every agonised scream they can rip from your filthy mouth,” you refused to let your panicked, racing heart rule your mind, using every ounce of mental strength to hold his stare, firing back with a nasty glare of your own. And it took all of Levi’s willpower not to launch himself at the MP Commander.

“Go fuck yourself,” the retort came so naturally as you actually spat in his face. It gained you a much more satisfying reaction than you imagined you would get from Levi.

Swiftly removing his hand from your hair, you slumped back, staring up at the man between the now dishevelled strands. Wiping your saliva from his eye. You flinched as the back of his hand came up to strike you. Quicker than you would have expected, Levi was immediately by your side, eyes glinting with murderous intent. But before anything could happen, Niles’ hand was caught by Erwin behind him.

“Now, now Niles. Don’t go harming my soldiers,” his voice was borderline condescending as the MP Commander turned to look back to Erwin with an expression of disbelief.

“You can’t be serious? Erwin, this wasn’t part of the deal. You said—”

“I said we would aid you in capturing her. What happens to her after, is up to us. Think of it as collateral,” he reminded Niles of the deal they had struck before their meeting earlier.

“I didn’t think you would force her to join the Scouts. Are you insane?” It was a question Erwin had heard many times before.

“She’s just another calculated risk,” —he explained, before turning to his Captain— “Levi, take her to where she’ll be staying for the next week,” you had absolutely no idea what the hell was going on, but honestly, you were just glad Erwin stepped in when he did. You didn’t fancy whatever strike was about to land on you, and didn’t want to deal with whatever trauma it would drag up from your less than agreeable past. You didn’t have nearly enough time to unpack Levi’s own movements.

“Tch, why me? Why not Four Eyes?” his eyes slid to the scientist, who seemed to be engaged in an increasingly elaborate conversation with that poor, poor soldier. Even you felt a pang of pity for him.

“Because I’m afraid if I let Hange take her, she’ll end up in her lab rather than the cell,” Erwin sighed tiredly, looking at Levi with almost pleading eyes as the conversation behind him got louder and louder.

“Fine. But you owe me,” he responded, before tugging you away with him. You were almost sorry when you no longer felt the warmth of the sun on your back as he led you inside.

It was a walk full of disgusted glares and crude remarks. Clearly everyone had heard who you were by now, if that wasn’t evident by the snarls of “Bitch” and “Underground rat.” It didn’t really phase you. What these people thought about you was their issue, not yours. Though, you wouldn’t mind beating every single one of them within an inch of their lives given half the chance.

You failed to notice Levi’s ever darkening expression behind you. The glares promising a painful death thrown in every direction. The way a muscle flickered in his jaw at every passing comment. It was only until the hallway was empty did he feel that tension ease a little.

“Down here,” Levi instructed, leading you down a narrow staircase. As if you could go anywhere else.

“Yeah, no shit,” you snapped, earning you a harsh shoved down a few stairs.

“Don’t get smart with me.”

“Why? Afraid you won’t understand me?” that feigned sweetness to your tone was one you had perfected over the years he was gone, and was possibly your favourite form of sarcasm. He clearly didn’t dain your retort worthy of a response, the only sound to be heard being the echoing of your boots against the stone. It reeked of damp and rust, a different stench to the filth of the Underground. Speaking of which…

“You’re disgusting,” a flatly delivered insult was thrown your way as Levi guided you into one of the cells.

“I’m so sorry, I forgot to have a shower before you ambushed us. I’ll be sure to remember next time so I can smell like a fresh forest. I’m sure it would be a more homely smell for you,” you couldn’t help the sarcastic remarks that flew from your mouth. But you fell silent as he began removing your manacles. Instantly a plan formulated in your head. This could be your only chance at escaping. You just had to wait for the right moment.

As soon as the chains were removed from your wrists, you thrust your head backwards, in hope of catching his face. But you were met with nothing but air, and the sounds of quick footsteps behind you.

“You’re even easier to predict now you’re in a cell. Don’t try stupid shit like that,” did he forget how to change the emotion in his voice? He was never the most emotional person you’d met, but he would at least sometimes change his voice from ‘bored’ to ‘slightly irritated’. You were starting to wonder what else he had forgotten during his time here when the iron bar door to your cell was slammed shut, the key clicking in the lock. Now you were certain you couldn’t escape, you took in your living space for the next week. The bare minimum had been provided. A bed with no bed clothes, a rustic sink you weren’t even sure worked, and a broken mirror. Great.

The scraping of a chair behind you piqued your curiosity, turning you head to see Levi had taken a seat in front of your cell door, elbows resting on his knees.

“The fuck are you doing?” you asked, rising from your knees to turn and lean against the wall, arms folded.

“Waiting,” god damn his single word responses. You huff in frustration.

“Waiting for what?”

“You.”

“I could strangle you with my bare hands and feel absolutely nothing right now.”

“You’d have to escape first.”

“What makes you think I can’t?”

“What makes you think you can?”

As much as you hated to admit it, he was right. There didn’t seem to be any way you could escape these walls, you’d already done a quick run down. Threading your hands through your hair in irritation, you cross to sit on the pathetic material they thought was a bed.

“So?” you ask, still no closing to knowing what the hell he wanted. Once again, he didn’t deem your question worthy of a vocal response, opting instead to raise a thin eyebrow. You briefly fantasise about driving one of your long lost daggers into his goddamn eye, before simply brushing it off with a roll of your eyes. “Fine. Stay there and stare at me. It’s your time you're wasting,” you shrugged, flopping back onto the bed, arms thrown out either side of you.

“What have you been up to?” you couldn’t help the bark of sour laughter at the question.

“Seriously?”

“What?”

“After all this time, the first thing you ask me is what I’ve been up to?”

“Would you prefer me to ask you something else?”

“What’s on the menu?”

For a moment, it almost felt like no time had passed since you’d last seen each other. It felt like only yesterday did he have you in his arms, curled up in his bed, gently running his hands over your exposed waist, revelling in how soft your skin was against his.

Running a hand through his dark locks to bring himself out of his thoughts, he changed the trajectory of his questioning.

“Who taught you to fight like that?

“Self-taught.”

“Bullshit,” you winced at his response, raising your head slightly to stare at him, wondering who gave him the audacity to doubt you.

“Oh yeah? Not all of us had the advantage of stupidly strong genes, shortstuff,” shit, you hadn’t said that nickname in a long, long time. Clearly he hadn’t heard it for a long time either, judging by the way his eyes widened his body stilled. Neither of you were able to comment on the irony of the name, considering you were just as vertically challenged. Managing to shake yourself from your daze first, you realised that was a lot for both of you. “Sorry,” you murmured, averting your gaze.

“No, it’s… fine,” there was no malice in his voice. No hatred, a surprise that caused you to turn your head back to face him. Levi cleared his throat before continuing. “How’d you get that scar?” the second question caught you off guard, not expecting anything so personal so quickly. Naturally, you responded with something sarcastic.

“Tea party gone wrong,” an irritated sigh echoed off the dank walls, clearly not satisfied with your answer.

“What happened to you, Raven...?” if it wasn’t for the acoustics of the room, you would have missed the comment, but your heart clenched painfully as the third question reached your ears.

“You left, so I moved on,” you didn’t mean to sound so small or vulnerable. You didn’t mean to drag your knees up to your chest and clasp your arms around them. You didn’t mean to turn your head again, avoiding his gaze.

Levi mentally begged you not to look that way. He’d never seen you so insecure. And that itself broke his resolve.

Standing from his chair, Levi crossed the small space to the barred doors, not thinking twice about unlocking it and leaving the key in the lock. His body was almost acting on a it’s own. Years of taking you into his arms and holding you suddenly came back to him and he wanted nothing more than to take you in his arms once again.

But he hesitated.

You both did.

After raising your head to look at him, you watched as he stopped in the centre of your cell. Almost as if he was silently asking for some sort of permission to just do something.

You shifted slightly so you were leaning against the iron bars rather than the stone wall to the back, Levi taking this as the silent permission he needed to take a seat next to you.

Shit, the instinct to throw yourself into his arms was almost overwhelming, but you refrained, not wanting that kernel of hope to smoulder into nothing when he rejected you.

Levi was the first to break the silence.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” you responded, looking up to him between the loose, mangled strands of hair now obscuring your face just a bit. Age had been kind to him. His features, now much more defined. He was still the same man you knew back then, but this one was more chiseled. You looked away when his eyes found yours.

“You look like shit.”

“I feel like shit.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

It wasn’t the exchange you were expecting, this quick back and forth, but you wouldn’t say it was unwelcome. A familiar warmth started to spread in your chest.

“How’s the jaw?” you asked, eyes wandering to the now hefty bruise against his pale, soft skin. You remembered when you used to leave marks of similar colour all over his body. His neck, collarbones, abdomen, thighs…

“‘S’fine. How’s the chin?” his own eyes slid back to you, silver irises scanning your face briefly.

“Yeah. Fine,” you let the silence settle for a moment, before breaking it again. “Sorry I kicked you,” Levi grunted in quiet amusement.

“It was a damn good plan. Sorry I knee’d you,” it was only when he heard your gentle chuckle did he realise just how much he’d missed you. Every fibre in his body was begging him to roughly tug you into his body. To cup your face in his hands and seal your lips with a burning kiss. But all that changed when he shifted slightly and you flinched at the sudden movement. He stilled, waiting for you to relax again before he too settled back down.

“You knew her, didn’t you?” it was a rhetorical question. Your reaction after the reveal told him everything. Not only did you know her, but she was somebody close to you.

You stayed silent for a couple moments, not really knowing how to respond to his shift in conversation. You decided to match it.

“Yeah. I did,” you wouldn’t tell him. Not unless he asked. You wouldn’t tell him who she was to you. What she was to you. That still fucking hurt like hell.

“‘M’sorry.”

“You say that a lot,”

“You’re one to talk,”

You didn’t even try to quell your small laugh, letting it echo off the stone walls. Even Levi couldn’t stop a small chuckle at your amusement, feeling himself completely at ease in your presence.

“Did you really move on?” it was his turn to feel small. His turn to feel a little vulnerable. He couldn’t bear the thought of you just moving on from what the two of you had. Just throwing it all in the past and leaving it there.

“Yes and no.”

“The hell does that mean?”

You sighed, tightening your grip around your knees. You hoped this wouldn’t be as painful for him to hear as it would be for you to say, but you didn’t hold out much hope.

“Yes, I moved on. I’m not the same girl I was. Trust me on that. I’m not the same girl you fell in love with, nor the girl who fell in love with you,” you had to take a breath, suddenly finding the air down here far too thick. “She wouldn’t have survived down there. That girl would have been killed by some pig the moment you left. So... I killed her myself. You already know I’ve been part of The Nest for a while, but I wasn’t really one of them, if you get what I mean. I didn’t stay with them, I didn’t eat with them. Sure, Viper took me in after my—“ you stopped, burying that can of worms before you even opened it. That wasn’t something you wanted to bring up right now. “Viper took me in, taught me a few things, but I stayed with you. I didn’t have to be one of them when I was with you. But when you left… I didn’t exactly have a choice. I couldn’t be so naive anymore. I couldn’t be so hopeful. I had to be realistic, and to be realistic, I had to hurt a lot of people. I had to see a lot of things,” you allowed the weight of your words to settle before you continued. “But that girl. That girl you knew. She never stopped loving you. Up til the moment she drew her last breath and I took over. She loved you. But I moved on,” you fell silent, realising that yes, this had been just as painful for him to hear as it was for you to say.

It was a long while before Levi spoke again, nowhere near as confident as he was.

“That’s who she was to you,” just as he thought seeing you again couldn’t get anymore painful. Just as he thought your words couldn’t get anymore painful. “You loved her?”

“Yes, but not completely. Part of me was still devoted to you. I think that’s why she did what she did. Scarlett was never a spiteful person, but she did hold one hell of a grudge against you. And I suppose, in a way, me,” the silence was so thick you thought you could cut it with one of your blades.

“She’s still there.”

“Hm?”

“That girl. She’s still there. You’re still in there.”

“Now look who’s being naïve,”

“You’re trying to tell me this new, supposedly ruthless killer would kick the shit out of some soldiers for hurting a kid. You’re trying to tell me this new cold hearted thief would bring medicine to an elderly woman and her son?”

“I—”

“You’re telling me this new, heartless little dealer would earn the respect and thanks of thousands of Underground rats? Because to me, that sounds like bullshit… (Y/N),” he wouldn’t accept it. You weren’t gone, he could see it in your actions. You were still there. His (Y/N) was still in there.

Hearing your name in his low, warm tone after all this time sent a jolt through your system. And when he turned to look at you, he could see silver lining your eyes. It took everything in him not to reach up and gently wipe them away.

“I’m not going to stop until you see what I see. I’m not going to let you think you’ve become this heartless, mindless killer just because you had to adapt. Because you had to survive. I’ve finally found you again. Do you know how long I searched for you? How many hours I spent tracing every single path I knew you would take. Asking every filthy mongrel I could find. Most of them said you were dead. Some of them said you were missing and hadn’t been seen in months. Years, even. But until I found a body, or some kind of proof you were dead, I couldn’t accept it,” well this certainly caught you off guard. Levi was never one for long, heartfelt speeches, or verbal communication at all, actually. So this was a little overwhelming. Two tears slipped down your cheeks, sliding through the sudden cracks in your defenses and leaving a trail through the thin layer of grime and dirt.

Levi kept his eyes trained ahead, knowing that if he saw you crying, his restraint would break and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from holding you. But he knew he couldn’t. From the way you’d reacted to his small movements, he knew suddenly tugging you into him would scare you.

“I’m sorry,” your small voice wrapped around his fragile heart, both settling it and cracking it. He went to extend his hand towards you with the intention of smoothing down your hair, but the way you winced, almost anticipating something much more intense, made him stop. Shit, you really did look like a husk of your former self. He remembered the way your eyes used to glint even in the low lighting of the Underground.

“You should rest,” it was an appealing enough suggestion. Enough to draw a barely concealed yawn from you. Leaning your head against the iron bars behind you, you swore you could have fallen asleep there and then. Comforted by his presence.

You immediately missed his presence as soon as he stood, tempted to reach out for his hand but not wanting to push him away.

As if he felt your confliction, Levi stopped to turn back to you.

“I’ll be back in the morning. Rest, (Y/N),” it wasn’t like you could disobey when your mind and body was so eager to sleep.

“Fuck…” you muttered, running a hand down the side of your face, exhaustion hitting you like a punch to the gut. This wasn’t exactly how you saw your day going today, but you couldn’t exactly say you weren’t thankful. You didn’t know what you were, honestly. So much had happened, you knew you would need time to process everything.

The screech of metal against metal alerted you to the key once again locking you within the cell. Dipping your head, you watched the dark haired man return the keychain to a small nail in the wall.

“Hey…” Levi turned to you as you called out, his expression as soft as it was a few moments ago. “It’s really good to see you again,” a thousand butterflies suddenly exploded in his stomach. How long had he been waiting to hear those words? And suddenly, he found himself unable to reply.

“Tch, go to sleep, Raven,” he reveled in your amused hum as he turned on his heel, leaving you to recover after today.

꧁ꨄ꧂

Levi ran a hand through his hair. Sitting at his desk in his orderly kept office, he could barely focus on the reports in front of him. That haunted look in your eyes had left a significant mark on him. The way you now spoke was so different to the bubbly younger girl he knew.

With a shake of his head, he attempted to divert his attention back to the account of the mission today. You’d taken down a few of his men yourself, he recalled watching your blades find purchase in his makeshift squad. A few others hadn’t returned from where they’d chased your Shadows. Actually, most others didn’t return.

As predicted, it was a bloodbath.

Leaning forward, he reached for his tea, continuing to scan over the document until his eyes settled on your alias, and he couldn’t help but wonder why you hadn’t told anyone your name. It prompted a memory he wasn’t expecting. He’d tried so many times to bury his past. Thinking about it saved him from thinking about his lost friends. But it was unavoidable.

“Hey! ‘Re’ya gonna buy anything? Or you just gonna keep staring?” Levi peaked out from behind the legs of a taller man, peering at the young girl who seemed to be giving his father figure sass. He couldn’t understand it. Didn’t she know who he was? She didn’t look much older than him. Maybe eight? Nine even?

“Listen little missy, I don’t think you wan’ to rush me,” the southern lilt of Kenny’s dangerously low voice didn’t seem to deter the little merchant. Levi’s eyes widened as she folded her arms, her grubby face creasing as she frowned. For someone so young, she certainly had an impressive glare.

“Or what? You gonna kill me? I sell to the whole street, mister. You kill me, they starve,” Wow, she really seemed to have this whole thing going for her. Levi looked up at Kenny, able to just make out the subtle smile under the shadow of his hat.

“What’s your name, little girl?

“Hmph. What’s it to you?” she retorted, stepping closer. It was only then she seemed to notice his presence. Her glare seemed to soften almost instantly, head tilting in sheer curiosity. Her sparkling, (E/C) eyes widened upon seeing him there. He only occupied a fraction of her attention, before it returned to Kenny, that scowl also returning.

“You’ve got guts kid, I’ll give you that. But maybe that’s simply cuz you don’t know who I am,” he mused, picking up one of the loaves of bread you were currently selling. They weren’t fresh. Nothing ever was. But it was the best your family had to offer.

“Kenny the Ripper, right? Yeah, I’ve heard of you. Seen your ugly face in the newspaper when those shits up top toss their trash through the grates. And you better buy that now your filthy hands have been all over it,” Levi couldn’t tell if this girl was brave or stupid. He’d never heard anyone speak to Kenny like that and actually get away with it.

“(Y/N) (L/N)! Watch your language young lady! And what have I told you about mouthing off to customers?!” her face quickly morphed from a glare to something he could only describe as sheepish. An older woman leaning out from the door behind you. Her hair colour was different to yours, but those eyes… they were your eyes.

“But Maaaaa, I was just—“

“No buts. Inside, now,” her voice was stern, but Levi was perceptive from a young age. He could see the softness in her eyes as the girl pouted. Turning back, he watched her send a cheery wave goodbye in his direction, pausing slightly as it wasn’t returned. Her brows furrowed, before she darted inside.

“Quite the brat you got there,” Kenny remarked, handing over a coin in payment for the bread he’d picked up.

“Yeah, sorry about her. Pain in my ass but her heart’s in the right place. I hope,” Levi wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation, too distracted by watching the same girl clamber out the open window and onto the ledge above. Only using her right hand to climb, she paused, as if calculating something before shimmying along the wall, round the corner and out of sight. Before Levi even had time to question what the hell he’d just witnessed, her head popped round the corner, eyes searching for him. He raised his brows in question when she gestured for him, whipping back round the corner. Seeing Kenny still caught up in conversation, he quietly left the two adults, heading for the narrow alleyway she’d just ducked into.

“Hey,” the whisper made him whirl, stopping to see her cautiously step from the shadows near the wall. “You looked hungry, so I stole this from our stocks,” it became apparent as to why she was only using one hand to climb when she presented another, slightly smaller loaf of bread. It wasn’t as stale as the ones on the stall. “We got fresh ingredients yesterday. My father’s a baker but we only sell the stale ones because we wouldn’t be able to keep up with the demand for fresh bread,” she explained quietly, her eyes wide in earnest. If it wasn’t for his ravenous hunger, Levi would have declined the offer. However, the smell was too good to pass up on. Slowly, he reached for it, half expecting her to snatch it back. But her honest expression remained, only retracting her hand after he’d taken a bite. “Don’t talk much, do you? That’s okay, I get a lot of people who are shy.”

Crossing her legs, she lowered herself to the floor, resting her back against the wall to what he could only assume was her house. He followed suit, sitting opposite her in the damp alleyway.

“Your dad’s an asshole, by the way. Very obkonshus,” Levi assumed she was trying to say obnoxious, but didn’t correct her. He almost found it endearing.

“He’s not my dad,” his blunt response had her head whipping back to look at him, almost in disbelief that he had actually spoken. A small blush blossomed across her cheeks at her mistake.

“O-oh. Sorry. I didn’t know,” an awkward silence settled over them, before she spoke up again. “Your not-dad’s an asshole,” Levi glanced at her, noting her cheeky smirk. His own lips twitched in amusement. She wasn’t wrong. Kenny was an asshole.

They stayed there until he’d finished his bread, (Y/N) simply talking about everything and nothing.

“Where’d that little rat scurry away to?” Kenny’s drawl interrupted your little conversation, prompting the both of you to shoot to your feet. The girl shot him a worried look, not knowing how this was going to play out. Levi was never one to offer reassurance, never really needing to, until now. He tried his hand at a reassuring expression, before stepping out the alleyway a little.

“Here, I was just—” he looked back to the narrow street where she just was, only to find she’d completely disappeared. His eyes widened ever so slightly, attempting to peer further down the alley. How had she done that? She was right there. Maybe you’d already started your climb? His eyes travelled up the side of the wall, but found nothing.

“The fuck are you lookin’ at brat? C’mon, we’re leavin’,'' Kenny strode past him, roughly tugging him along. But Levi wasn’t looking where he was going, silver eyes still glued to that alley, waiting for her to emerge. But she never did.

A harsh knock on his door snapped him out of his memory spiral. How long had he been sitting here? Usually he had a good grasp on time but right now it could have been four in the morning or two in the afternoon. Running a hand down the side of his face, he went to sip his tea, grimacing as the now cold liquid graced his tongue. Setting it down almost immediately, he would have forgotten anyone knocked on his door in the first place had they not knocked again.

“Levi? Are you in there?” Erwin. Great.

“The fuck do you want Eyebrows?” Erwin clearly took that as permission to enter. Not that he needed permission.

Levi raised his eyes as his Commander strode in, pushing the door closed behind him.

“I was wondering if you managed to get information out of our little criminal.”

Levi’s jaw flexed.

“No.”

“Nothing?” Erwin seemed a little surprised and Levi couldn’t for the life of him think why. He didn’t know about your relationship, and it wasn’t like he was well practiced in his social skills.

“Nothing. She’s refusing to say anything other than annoying, sarcastic quips.”

“You two aren’t so different then.”

“Oi,” Erwin chuckled at Levi’s low warning, holding up an apologetic hand.

“Apologies, forgive me. It was just a joke,” Levi rolled his eyes, clicking his tongue as Erwin took a seat on the leather sofa, crossing an ankle over his knee. “I’m surprised. I thought you two may get along. Considering your shared upbringing,” if he wasn’t talking to Levi, anyone else would have thought it was an innocent enough assumption. But over the years, Levi had learned Erwin’s tells, and knew when there was something deeper going on. But still, there was no way he could know about your literal shared past.

“She’s abrasive, rude, cocky and thoroughly unpleasant. Why on earth would we get along?” Levi knew he was lying through his teeth. Whilst yes, you were in fact abrasive, cocky and rude, you were far from unpleasant. He wouldn’t have shared his heart with you if you were.

Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose. Suddenly he looked incredibly tired, like he hadn’t slept in weeks.

“Did you know her? From your time down there. Did you two ever run into each other?” straight to the point, it seemed. Erwin hadn’t missed the Captain’s flash of recognition back when you’d taken your mask off. He hadn’t missed the way he froze to the spot.

But Levi wasn’t about to open up to anyone, especially not the same Commander that had dragged him kicking and screaming into the Scouts.

Truth be told, after that first interaction, Levi had tried his damndest to see you again at every opportunity. He’d never been shown that sort of kindness since his mother died, and he didn’t want your little spark to be snuffed out by the Underground. He didn’t speak to you very often, only silently offering to walk you home at night, warding off any unwanted attention a young woman would draw.

He offered to share his small home with you when you were both around fourteen. It had been two years since Kenny abandoned him, and he noticed you looked directionless, and though it had taken a while for you to open up, he was happy for you to stay with him until you found somewhere else.

He just never expected to fall in love with you, or for you to fall in love with him.

“No. I’ve never seen her before,” Levi lied, keeping his eyes trained on the same document he must have been staring at for the last god knows how long, too lost in his own mind to concentrate.

Erwin wasn’t quite as good at reading Levi, and so accepted that as his truthful answer.

“Very well, I bid you a good night, Captain,” ah. So it was nighttime. Noted.

“Yeah yeah, see you tomorrow,” Levi waved his hand dismissively, once again earning another chuckle from Erwin as the door was pulled shut.

Levi almost instinctively reached for his tea again, only just remembering it was stone cold. He sighed in irritation, rising from his chair. He didn’t think there was enough tea in the world to help him sort through his thoughts. But damn if it didn’t make it easier.

Rolling his now stiff shoulders, he picked up the cold brew and headed to the kitchen. It was going to be a long night.

꧁ꨄ꧂

Sleeping in the Underground City was a luxury. Despite your exhaustion, sleep didn’t come easily. You assumed you must have dozed off for an hour at least before the faint sound of multiple footsteps had you sitting bolt upright, your muscles barking in protest. You were always aware of your surroundings. Always ready, even when you may look like you were resting.

You didn’t quite know what to expect, quickly running through several scenarios and possibilities in your head. One of those possibilities rounded the corner from the stairs. Four MP soldiers now stood outside your cell, one jiggling the keys into the lock. Immediately you stood, not going down without a fight. Though it wasn’t much of one. Before you had even landed a proper blow on any of them, you were harshly kicked to the floor. Your body having not woken up properly yet, you were easy enough to subdue as they clasped your wrists together in front of you with rope. Not what you were expecting but it was more comfortable than behind your back.

You stayed silent as they dragged you further deeper into the complex of jails and cells. You didn’t imagine they would span this far beneath what you assumed was the headquarters, but nonetheless you kept walking until you were faced with a wooden door. The same soldier fiddled with the lock until it swung open and you were kicked inside.

Raising your head, you saw the room wasn’t exactly empty. An array of bats and blunt trauma objects rested against the far side of the wall, but that wasn’t what threw the spear of terror into your heart.

A single, iron hook extended down from the ceiling. It looked like it would be used for bleeding or drying meat, but you could think of several other uses for it. For example, your current situation.

The door locking behind you had your head whirling, eyes darting from the man with the key to the wood that now trapped you inside.

“Ah, Raven. I’m sure our commander forewarned you about this, I don’t really know why you look so surprised,” you shivered at the fake pleasant tone, a stark contrast to the way you were now being tugged to your feet, arms thrown up above you. You realise now why they used rope instead of chains, your wrists being hooked up above you. Your feet now only just grazing the floor, head falling between your shoulders with your loose thin shirt riding up your stomach. You suddenly regretted shedding your leather jacket earlier, wanting to be a little more comfortable as you attempted to sleep.

“We have strict instructions not to permanently damage you, however we have various other methods,” one of your torturers stalked behind you, reaching up to twist the hook so you spun with him, now facing the wall of weaponry. The other three who had accompanied you all leant against the wall to you right, as if waiting for their turn. “I thought I would be kind enough to let you choose which we start with. Since you’d be the one on the receiving end,” the sick fuck. He was really enjoying this wasn’t he?

“At least tell me what you fucking want,” you spat, thrashing slightly in your bonds. The man simply laughed, crossing to the selection.

“Oh, we don’t want information. Just for you to suffer as much pain as we did when you killed our comrades,” ah, so they had personal connections. Understood.

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” your crooked, satisfied grin faltered as his expression darkened, crossing the room towards you in a few strides. Roughly grabbing your chin, he forced your head up to meet his gaze as you writhed in his tight grip.

“You know, you were quite the formidable criminal down there. Slaughtering and murdering whoever you pleased. Harming those who had done nothing to you. But look at you now, strung up like a squealing pig. Fuck, if it isn’t satisfying to see,” he threw your head back down before driving his foot into your gut. The impact sent you swinging backwards, saliva flying from your mouth.

Raising your eyes, you shot him a visceral glare as he browsed his collection of weapons as if he was picking out a pastry at a bakery. Opting for the classic wooden bat, you braced yourself for the night to come, knowing it was going to be a long one.

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phantomrose96 · 3 years

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Oof, which scenes of yours stick to mind. Bakugo getting his memories back and having a breakdown after he's set free; Deku's son talking to Inko and her sadly confirming Deku barely even visits her anymore; All Might gently chastising Deku for immediately wanting to give AfO to his (he thinks) now-quirkless son; the girl from the Candy Hair Saga piledriving the MC and accidentally restoring his memories causing him to reach out to her again; the seamstress seeing tiny child Edward for the 1/2

2/2 first time; the superheroine realizing the person who's mentoring her is setting up a bike theft and the boy who swallows fire buried on a burning building; Momo the skeleton with a giant plate of food she'll never finish. I have a visual memory so I'm cheating a bit, but your writing has a way of painting horrible pictures that sear the mind's-eye. Great work. I'd put a thumbs-up emoji here if I were on mobile

(fanfic ask meme)

man oh man oh man alright

Bakugo getting his memories back and having a breakdown after he's set free

(King)

tbh King might be my favorite of my bnha fanfictions. it's one of those fics where the implications kept building while I was writing it.

Also! In the earliest draft of King, Bakugou kind of just remembers everything from the start and the audience is walked through the flashback while he's sitting at the police station in the first scene. As I tinkered more with the fic, I realized it was more interesting to keep that part vague at first, let Bakugou's memories be partially repressed by the trauma, and then written-over as the lawyers grill into him the Right Version Of Events.

And that I could then fill the audience in properly at the exact moment Bakugou learns he's been let off the hook

Deku's son talking to Inko and her sadly confirming Deku barely even visits her anymore; All Might gently chastising Deku for immediately wanting to give AfO to his (he thinks) now-quirkless son

(Origin of a Non-Hero)

(I'm still really glad when people bring up OoaNH because that was the first substantial thing I wrote after a very long distancing myself from writing and I kinda thought it was a complete mess when posting it.)

When I was figuring out what to do with this story, I was struggling with the ending. For a while I thought the last scene would be a confrontation between Shiki and Deku. I even tried drafting that. But I couldn't come up with anything satisfying. To have Deku apologize and make up with Shiki as an ending didn't make sense, since the fic established how one-time "I'm sorry"s don't fix the issues being explored. But to have Shiki reject the apology? Anything I came up with felt too bitter to end on...

So I realized the way I wanted to end the piece didn't have any actual confrontation between Deku and Shiki at all. Instead I broke it up. Have Shiki and Inko together, with Shiki asking if he's in the wrong for wishing he could have just had normal parents who were proud of him, to Inko who would understand this more than anyone. And have Deku and All Might together, with Deku asking if he'd failed his son, to All Might would who understand this better than anyone.

the girl from the Candy Hair Saga piledriving the MC and accidentally restoring his memories causing him to reach out to her again

(Candy Hair Saga)

THAT was so fun! For a couple reasons! When I first made the post I was kind of just messing around and the "villain" who was targeting the background-characters-turned-main-character could be anyone. The moment I realized the exact way to tie everything together, with the reveal of the villain, I was like hopping out of my chair.

AND it was extra fun because the whole thing is a joking exploration of cliches and tropes, so for the memories and flashbacks? I just went full ham with the cheesiest, tropiest, backstoriest execution of that and it's frankly REALLY fun to indulge in that without worrying "am i being cliche? am i being unoriginal?" this was just like doesnt matter babey, we're TRYING to be a cliche.

the seamstress seeing tiny child Edward for the first time;

(See Them Buried)

(I'm still delightfully surprised with how much attention See Them Buried has gotten. I was expecting very little at all for an OC-centric fic.)

I think I'd been thinking about how all the "youre the fullmetal alchemist but youre so small" remarks might NOT have just been short-jabs and very well might have been people from an outside perspective seeing Ed and being like "this is a CHILD. why is he a soldier?" and anyway I have feelings about that.

the superheroine realizing the person who's mentoring her is setting up a bike theft and the boy who swallows fire buried on a burning building;

(Hero Syndrome)

Back on my brand of "wouldnt it be fucked up if" bnha fics. So the fire boy's story was actually the first one of the three I came up with. Just thinking about how the BNHA world's hero worship almost definitely encourages reckless acts of heroism, and what happens when that goes wrong, and what happens if those acts were inspired by a big-name hero? (which led to me coining the plot twist that's revealed at the end)

Then I got to thinking about the other messages Deku receives in canon, which work out great for him, but could easily go south for people not as lucky. and well what happens to society if those get mass projected...

Momo the skeleton with a giant plate of food she'll never finish.

(Branding the Hero)

The funny thing about Branding the Hero is it was kind of a passive-aggressive response to the whole "Momo's costume has to be that way because of her quirk!" argument. Like, "yeah? yeah is that so? we REALLY care about 'the way her quirk works'? we REALLY are just concerned with 'making sure her quirk works to the best of its ability'? let's fucking talk about that then"

And then the implications just got worse the deeper I dug.

#this was a lot of fun to go through thanks!!!!#ask #long post

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the-lady-writes-what · 3 years

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Birthday Girl

So...I got wasted Sunday (my birthday) and I left this draft unfinished cause I fell asleep in the middle of writing it. Here I am, rewriting this because...oof. I fixed it. Here’s a little self-indulgent present for me and you guys.

Shouta Aizawa x Fem!Reader (who is also on the chubby side)

Content: fluff, body positivity, bondage, oral (receiving), praise kink, riding

Forgive me if it slips into a gray area of self-insert, only slightly.

The apartment was dark. No surprise there. Shouta must have been out on late night patrol again. Figures. You shuffled off your blazer, kicked off your shoes, and dumped your bag on the couch. You turned on the light to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Inwardly groaning, you made up your mind not to bother making dinner for one unless it was easy. Cooking involved effort, and after the day you’ve had, that was the last thing on your mind. You scoured the fridge for something to eat before you passed out only to remember some off-handed comments you overhead your co-workers say.

‘I know Eraserhead’s just an underground hero, but can you imagine dating a pro and looking like that?’

‘I wonder if Eraserhead has a fat fetish. Maybe that’s what it is?’

You grabbed a salad and slammed the fridge door closed. You didn’t bother grabbing any dressing or shredded cheese. It just made you feel more awful just thinking about food. Unfortunately, you needed to eat. The lettuce and spinach leaves were tossed into a salad bowl that was carried to a lonely dinner table. Your fork angrily dug into the vegetables before popping them in your mouth. The motion of chewing made you imagine a cow chewing cud. Your fork clattered as it bounced off the table and you buried your face in your hands. Tears began to prickle the corners of your eyes when you heard the front door open.

Shouta shambled into the apartment carrying a large pink box under his arm. You quickly dried your eyes to pretend nothing was wrong. It didn’t take him long to figure you out. He bent down and picked up the fork you tossed.

“Lose your temper with unruly kale?” He asked.

Your laugh was bitter coming out of your mouth. “Spinach, actually.”

Shouta looked over your plate. “Looks awfully plain. Are you feeling alright? Do you have a stomach ache or something?”

“No, it’s just...I thought I should have something lighter and I wasn’t in the mood to make anything else,” you answered.

“I can order take out. It’s late, but there’s a couple of places open all night. We could--”

“No, Shouta, it’s fine. Really.”

Shouta gave you a look. You’d seen it before when his students were about to get a verbal smackdown. You knew he didn’t buy it, it was only a matter of time before he said anything. If you didn’t act quickly, you were about to face his wrath. Or worse, an interrogation. Your eyes shifted to the box tucked under his arm. Perfect for changing the subject.

“What’s in the box?” You asked.

“Your birthday present?” Shouta’s brows shot upwards. “Don’t tell me you forgot your own birthday.”

“It’s been...one of those days, you know?”

He left the box in front of you while he walked into the kitchen to get himself a drink. You bit your lip as you looked at the box. Shouta returned to the small dining room with a couple of beers in hand. He handed one to you and sat down in the opposite chair.

“Aren’t you going to open it?” He asked, taking a sip.

“Oh. Right.”

You gingerly eased the lid off and put it somewhere else. Rose-festooned tissue paper lay inside, forcing you to peel it away. You felt blood rush to your face. You’d seen this on display before in a window store, but didn’t think to see it in person. A lace and velvet lingerie set in rose. You’d been eye-balling it for weeks, but never had the guts to buy it. A lingering thought crossed your mind.

“Is it too much? Is it not what you wanted?”

“No,” you shook your head. “It’s just that, I don’t think I'll be able to fit in it.”

“You could try it on and see?”

“I don’t think it’ll work. I’m...too big.” You mumbled.

“Who told you that?”

“Let’s just drop it,” you picked up the box to put away only to have Shouta grab your arm.

His grasp was neither hard nor too rough, but it did give you a pause. Shouta pulled you into his lap.

“Tell me, what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Asked Shouta.

You bit your bottom lip and hugged the box to your chest. You looked down at your lap until Shouta pinched your chin between his thumb and forefinger. He didn’t allow you to look away.

“Last chance before I do something you might regret,” said Shouta.

“Would you, would you still date me if I was skinny?”

Shouta’s brows furrowed. “What that hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Are you dating me because I’m bigger than other girls?” You asked more precisely this time.

“Are you implying that I'm treating you like a fetish?”

“Well--”

Shouta moved with fluid motion lifting you up and putting you on his shoulder. Your birthday gift fell to the floor, discarded as you were carried off like a sack of potatoes. Shouta carried you down the hall, kicked open the bedroom door, and threw you unto the bed.

“S-Shouta,” you whimpered.

His capture weapon was already binding your wrists together. Shouta looked down at you with that stern face which always made you shudder.

“You think that I love and care about you because I have some sort of fetish? Who have you been talking to?”

“You can’t blame me? You’re a pro-hero. Shouldn’t you be with someone more...physically fit?”

“Since when I have cared what other people think? Do you think I'm to listen to anyone who holds ridiculous standards for pro’s?”

Shouta buttoned your blouse and unzipped your skirt, easing the garment down your legs. Next, your leggings and with them your panties. Shouta discarded not only some of your clothes, but removed parts of his costume until all that was left were his pants now slung low on his hips. The mattress dipped under his weight as he climbed on top of you. Shouta peppered your thick thighs with kisses and edged ever so close inside them. His teeth nibbled your flesh, making you dig your heels into the bed. Hands roamed your body and left finger-shaped bruises and trails of fire across your skin. You couldn’t do anything like push him away because despite that Shouta’s attention was elsewhere, the capture weapon stayed. Your blouse was left open to expose your black bra and chest for his viewing pleasure.

Shouta pulled your legs apart and kissed his way up your inner thighs. You squirmed as he lips suckled your skin and left hickies. Purple splotches decorated your legs. Shouta gave your slit a tentative lick before looking up squarely into your eyes.

“I’m going to make you feel so good, you’re going to forget those stupid opinions.”

Shouta dove between your legs and lapped at your cunt. The bindings still held good no matter how much you squirmed and shuddered. Shouta wasn’t simply eating you out, he was fucking you with his tongue. His fingers stretched you open while his tongue explored and licked your clit. Shouta suckled on it as he pumped his fingers with fast, deep strokes. Pleasure spiraled down your spine until your eyes clamped shut. You whimpered aloud and gasped as you coated Shouta’s mouth with your cream. When he raised his head after licking you clean, you could still see his mouth dripping with you essence. Shouta licked it off his lips.

The capture weapon loosened, freeing your wrists. Freedom, however, didn’t last long. In a whirlwind, your bodies switched places. Shouta had you sit briefly on his stomach while he inched his pants down the rest of the way. His protruding cock rested against your ass. He grabbed your hips and pulled you over his thick erect member.

“Go on, enjoy yourself, birthday girl.”

You slowly impaled yourself on him with Shouta’s help. You shed the rest of your clothes and moved your hips. Shouta lay there and let you do what you wanted. He held your hips, kissed you, and rubbed your clit.

“I don’t give a fuck about what other people, you look fucking hot riding me. All of these extra curves just give me more to grab unto.” With that, each hand of Shouta’s grabbed a handful of your ass.

You continued to grind against him. Sweat beaded down your back and the side of your face. Your (color) clung to your face as you rode him. Shouta gave you a smug look watching you take your pleasure from him.

“That’s right. Fuck yourself on my cock. You want it bad, don’t you, birthday girl?”

“YES!” You moaned.

“Take all the time in the world. You look so good riding me like that.”

You slammed down on him faster, then faster still. You closed yourself as you relished in the feeling of Shouta’s rigid cock pushing inside of you. Your walls clamping down on him. He let go of cheek to play with your clit. Shouta rubbed you in time to your hips moving rapidly against his. You were chasing a high and weren’t going to stop.

“S-Sho...Shouta,” you groaned his name. You were in misery and in ecstasy at the same time.

Shouta snapped his hips upwards, meeting you thrust for thrust. Skin slapped against skin. All you could smell in the air was sweat and sex. White heat coursed down your back to the base of your spine. Your eyes fluttered open just for Shouta to see them roll into the back of your head. You couldn’t help sticking your tongue out as you grunted and groaned. Your inner walls clamped down on him and spasmed. Shouta wasn’t far behind. He left a bruising grip on your hips as he pumped you full. Only once you two had finished catching your breaths did Shouta carefully pull out. Cum spilled all over your inner thighs and the hem of his pants.

“S-Sorry,” you whimpered.

“Don’t be.”

Shouta cleaned you up, ordered food, and ordered you to stay in bed. He boxed up your present and fished the receipt out from his pocket.

“What’s this for?” You asked as he handed it to you.

“What do you think? You can return or exchange it if you don’t like it.”

You thought for a moment then noticed how much he spent. Shouta wasn’t the type of person to pay that much for one thing and he certainly wouldn't spend it on a frivolous thing like lingerie. It would be a damn shame not to enjoy it yourself.

“Nah. I changed my mind.” You handed back the receipt. “Maybe one of these days I’ll model it for you.”

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asablehart · 3 years

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I’m finally getting back into writing The Third Son. I only have 1k words for the first chapter so far, and I know this is almost a complete rewrite, but I’m feeling better about this draft than I’ve felt for awhile (and I’ve been working on this story for like five years at this point, oof).

Transcripts under the cut:

Some days I am convinced I met him in a dream. I should tell you, I spent the week prior hidden away in my cell while the seaside storm raged at my window, and so, I only knew darkness for a span of several days. By then, the rain had dwindled to small taps on the glass, and the spots in front of my eyes faded until they were the size of cigarette burns. The headache, which had kept me bedridden, no longer roared and now someone was knocking at my door. I rose, too quickly, which made my vision swim.

An acolyte stood before me. I don’t know which one. His face was obscured by one of the auras, his features a mess of swirling gray. When he spoke, I heard my name and a new pang of pain behind my left temple.

He pushed past me to grab the bag by my bedside, then rushed out once again. I let him lead me down the hallway without complaint--stonework flanked me with nauseatingly warped lines. I drove the heel of my thumb into my eye.

***

He stirred, and this is when I noticed a bloated leech, as long as my hand, latched at the crook of his jaw. The bands of its vermicular body pulsed just slightly until spots of light danced across its skin. I was transfixed, I had never seen something such as this, I longed to touch it--surely this is why I had been dragged here.

***

[...] accompanied old flakes of blood; beneath this layer of refuse, his skin was as cold as marble. I imagined that he must have stumbled through the forest and the dunes to arrive here, that he must have fallen and dragged himself to his knees and dug his claws into the earth.

“Did he say what attacked him?”

“He hasn’t woken. It looks like an animal, doesn’t it?”

I agreed. The skin was torn, not sliced.

At the side of the largest wound, his skin had pulled away from the muscle. I slid a finger beneath, then another. A sick warmth enveloped me here.

“I saw that, too,” Augustus said.

There was something wedged inside the half-healed fissure; I pinched it, pulled. A twig emerged with a sucking sound. By then the bark had rotted, forming a paste of black slime around the wood. I placed this gingerly at my side.

#cw gore #writeblr #my writing #wtwcommunity #tts

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wizardessheart-sideb · 4 years

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Cut Tsukasa Route Content 1 - Behind Side B

Hey guys, so I thought I’d share this snippet from a rough draft of Tsukasa’s route. I cut this scenario bc it was getting too long and it set up things that would’ve been better set up with a few sentences.

[Context: MC has arrived in Gedonelune and is starving. After arguing with the Acceptance Letter, he reluctantly lets them go to Hidamari Market. MC meets Hisoka and they quickly become friends, getting food and eating together]

The seating area was practically deserted when we reached there and although the Acceptance Letter was throwing a fit, I went to the nearest table and sat down. Acceptance Letter: “Unbelievable. Unbelievable! I’ve never had to escort such a rebellious little urchin before!” “Hey! I’m not an urchin! And I’ll be quick, like, I can finish this in fifteen minutes!” Acceptance Letter: “I’ll be watching the clock.” (Geez. What a stick in the mud.) I hurriedly took my dinner out of the bag and immediately dug in. Hisoka sat across from me, carefully unwrapping his own dinner. Hisoka: “Do you mind if I join you?” “Not at all!” [sic] “Do you eat there often?” Acceptance Letter: “Less talking, more eating!” I glared at it. Hisoka: “I do. It’s closest to my shop and it’s always open when I close up shop.” “Oh, you have a store here?” Hisoka: “I do! You should come by when you have the chance. It’s -” A young man walked by and suddenly Hisoka stopped. Hisoka: “Hey, Azusa!” He called out to the guy. He turned to face us and I almost choked on my sandwich. Hisoka was a very pretty man, but where he was a golden sort of beauty, this guy definitely had a darker sort of beauty, with deep charcoal hair and deep blue eyes. He looked a bit surprised, but came over to us with a small smile on his face. Hisoka: “I have the perfect solution to our problem.” He told me before motioning for Azusa to sit with us. Acceptance Letter: “What problem?!” Hisoka: “Are you done for the night, Azusa?” Azusa: “Yes, I just finished my shift at the Hendrick’s shop.” He took a seat at the head of our table, practically falling into the chair. Hisoka: “I don’t want to pile more work onto you, but could you do me a favor. [NAME] here is just starting out at the Academy and needs to get there. Perhaps you could take them and give their Acceptance Letter a break.” The soup in my mouth almost spilled down my shirt as I flinched. No no no no no! Azusa could NOT take me to the Night Class! There was no way I could spill the beans on that secret! “No, it’s fine, Hisoka! I’m perfectly content with the Acceptance Letter taking me there, even if he’s a little cranky!” I hurriedly tried to shoot down Hisoka’s request. Acceptance Letter: “They’re right. As annoying as they are, it’s my job to get them to the Academy in one piece.” Hisoka: “Are you sure? Even if Gedonelune is fairly safe, you still shouldn’t be walking around by yourself at night.” Acceptance Letter: “They have me!” Azusa: “Yes, but how much help would you be if there was an altercation? I’m already heading to the Academy, anyway. It wouldn’t be too much for me to go with you.” “No, really, I’m fine with just the Acceptance Letter! Really! I appreciate the offer, but I’ll be okay.” Azusa: “You may be fine with it, but I don’t think either of us would be comfortable letting you go on your own. You need to be careful at night, especially in port cities.” (They’re really not letting up. I mean… Maybe I could at least let Azusa lead me there and then just. Make him go to his dorm so I can sneak off to the Night Class. That could work, right?) “Well, if you insist… I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.” Hisoka gave me a warm smile. Hisoka: “Great! I’ll sleep better knowing you go to campus safely. Azusa’s more than capable to help you out if you run into trouble.” I probably wasn’t going to, but okay. I just smiled and nodded, taking another bite of my sandwich. (What have I gotten myself into?) As soon as I finished my food, the Acceptance Letter was pushing me out of my seat and back on our journey. He seemed even pushier now. He didn’t even rest as Azusa and I said goodbye to Hisoka; ever since I agreed to Azusa escorting me, he was in a bad mood. I didn’t really blame him. It wasn’t like he knew my plan. Azusa: “So, you’re just transferring in?” “Yeah.” Azusa: “This is kind of a weird time to start classes.” “I know. I guess they want to see how well I can catch up with the other students. I mean why else would they be starting me this late?” Acceptance Letter: “It’s a tradition for non-foreign transfer students to start a month after the semester starts.” “It’s still weird though.” Azusa: “I agree. When my brother and I enrolled, we started the semester with everyone else.” Acceptance Letter: “Your situation was different.” Azusa: “But it’s still weird to have students start late.” “How long have you been at the Academy?” Azusa: “It’s my first year here, but I skipped a few grades so I’m a Taurus.” (That’s… That’s literally two grades…) “Whoa, that’s pretty incredible.” Azusa: “Haha, not really. I’m a bit older and I’ve had a lot of practice using magic back home, so it wasn’t a big deal.” “Home?” Azusa: “My brother and I are from Hinomoto, although we’ve been living in Gedonelune for the past 4 years.” “Hinomoto?” Azusa: “It’s a bunch of islands east of Gedonelune.” “Oh. Sorry, I’m not great with geography.” Azusa: “No, it’s fine. I hear it a lot.” (At least it’s not just me…) Azusa: “Where are you from?” “Oh, you would’ve never heard of it, either. I’m from a super tiny town in the countryside called Reitz.” Azusa: “Is this your first time in Gedonelune?” “Yeah! I wish I would’ve been able to see it during the day, though.” Azusa: “You’ll be able to. Once a month, we’re allowed to go into town.” “Oh, that’ll be fun!” Azusa and I chatted as we made our way through town and over the bridge that connected the town with the peninsula the Academy was on. By the time we passed through the gates, my legs felt like jelly and I was ready to collapse. (I really wish one of the Prefects had picked me up… Maybe we could’ve ridden all this way… And I still have to walk to the Night Class’s part of campus). Acceptance Letter: “We’re going in the completely wrong direction.” My body seized up the moment the Acceptance Letter spoke. Azusa just looked at it with surprise. Azusa: “What are you talking about? The dorms are this way.” Acceptance Letter: “[NAME] isn’t in your class. They’re a Night Class student.” “Acceptance Letter?!” (Why was he spilling the secret so casually?!) As I started to have a breakdown, Azusa’s face lit up. Azusa: “The Night Class? That’s great! I’ll take you there.” … Okay, not the response I was expecting. “You… You know about the Night Class?” Azusa: “Of course I do. My brother’s enrolled in that program. I can go say hi to him before heading back to my dorm.” He immediately started backtracking, not even looking back at me. “Hold on! Wait for me!” I scrambled after him. Was it just me, or did he pick up his pace? Azusa: “You should have told me you were a Night Class student. I wouldn’t have taken you so far into campus if I’d known.” “I’m supposed to keep the Night Class a secret. Why in the world would I tell you?” Acceptance Letter: “My apologies. I just wanted this one to walk a little longer as punishment for not minding me earlier.” “?!?!” (Asshole!) Azusa: “While I enjoy that level of spite, perhaps next time you could do something that doesn’t punish someone who did nothing wrong.” His tone was a level of scathing that I wouldn’t have expected from him. (Oof. I better not cross him. That’s kind of scary…)

#bsb tsukasa route #hisoka hagakure #azusa kuze #long post #wizardess heart

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tigerwolfproductions · 4 years

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Happy Halloween! Have some concept art of things I’m working on.

(See, I do work on things! I just don’t usually post it all; lol)

Concept drawings for Wes’ story!- Which I should probably mention has the working name of “Monster Mash”… Not sure if copyrights will let me keep that though XP (maybe I can make it slightly similar? Like Monster Bash, or something).

Ah, outside of boring naming rules/laws, I guess I could go over some of my design processes and show off how unorganized it all is (I’ve noticed mine slightly differs from what other people do but in reality it likely isn’t that fascinating tbh). Because these are like, first or second drafts some of what I’ve worked on for the story. They’ll likely change later, as I nail down not just the overall designs, but also force them into a more cohesive style that can have actual model/reference sheets. Some are closer to done than others, like the bat creature’s design. I’m largely happy with both the style turnout and mostly just need to touch up and create the reference sheet at this point.

Then there’s the ones like the first design; the crocodile-shark-robot thing. That’s the first draft of it so far, meaning the style is looser and might be too overtly detailed at the moment. I like to make sure I won’t go mad redrawing things over and over, so it’s definitely still under the “major tweaks” phase (especially as I’m debating redoing some larger parts of it’s body’s design). It’s kind of like working through how SpongeBob drew a circle, except unironically. First, I make the super detailed version, then as I go on, I whittle it down into simpler shapes and features! I’ve done it this way for quite a while now, hilariously enough (Beta Wes is an odd, odd thing, lemme tell u. eugh).

But that’s just a couple of monster designs. There’s also working on settings and designs for characters outside of what they normally may look like.

I.E., the scraggly looking Wes. That’s him shortly after being found by his adoptive father (I can’t wait to write out that part :D). I’m trying to design him to look like he’s mistrustful, but also in need of a Lot Of Help because even half-wolf kids probably shouldn’t be living off in the wild. It’s little things I have to tweak from his normal look, like making his pupils consistently smaller and his hair more droopy. In what ways his shirt is ripped come to mind as well, because I have to keep track of that during redrawing it over and over. Plus some add-ons, like his chains he never managed to get rid of, and his little tag that denotes his designation from the labs, of course.

IDK man, just thinking about that kinda stuff gets me excited. I love character design (but also don’t because aaaaah; stay consistent style, pleeease). XP

On the other hand is backgrounds and oof, I really haven’t found my passion for those yet. It isn’t that I don’t have ideas, don’t get me wrong- it’s just bending my style to something that works as a set piece. And then realizing just how much the perspective is broken and that some things look off and pbbbbblt. Regardless, the setting image is one of many attempts to design the Wilden household! Wes and his father repurposed an old, run down house away in the woods after moving to America from Ireland, fusing it a bit with the tree that had apparently grown over it. I figured a kid with wolf mannerisms would appreciate the space and placement, and on the inside of the tree part there’s his room… Which I guess could be more identified as “a bunch of holes in the ground and wall where he’s dug out dens”.

People don’t really come out much (partially due to Wes’ werewolf form that some have managed to catch glimpses of. It’s lead many to believe there’s a wild beast roaming the woods, searching for it’s next, fleshy meal… To be fair though, they’re semi-right on that one- he’s just more likely to eat a few squirrels instead, haha). I mean, as far as the people who know Wes’ father are concerned, he’s just an odd guy who lives out in the woods and apparently owns a rare breed of dog he refuses to let others see. Something something, “it doesn’t like strangers” or whatever. He’s chill tho, so ya know; whatevs.

Though I suppose that’s starting to lean into more of the story stuff, so it’s likely a good time to leave off. Hope y’all have a spooky Halloween!~

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sebthesnipe · 4 years

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Starlight

February Prompts 2/27

Prompt List

First // Previous // Next

The February Collection on AO3

My Dearest Procyon

Other works by me

Prompt: Karma / Kneel

Ship: Logicality

Note: I had planned on writing another chapter of My Dearest Procyon but a friend seemed to be having a rough day so I wrote here some fluffy Logicality instead.

Logan sat at his desk, back straight with perfect posture as his pen glided across the paper before him. It was late. Far later than Logan typically allowed himself to stay up. He set a strict schedule for himself and he tended to ensure that he stuck to it.

Still, as he glanced at the clock on the shelf above his desk, he frowned. 02:14 AM. His bed time had passed over four hours ago. He adjusted his glasses before focusing back on the written words that seemed to fail him.

“Dear,

Dearest,

My Dearest Patton,

I have recently discovered, I have come to realize, I have many things that I wish to discuss with you, but I do not know where to begin. I have never quite been very skilled at discussing things of an emotional nature. To my good fortune, you have always been there to guide me in the direction needed when the occasion arrived for such things.

I unfortunately find myself to be inadequate in your presence. I can not begin to describe to find to express Despite my intellect and extensive vocabulary, words fail me. It appears that despite my many attempts to discuss the topic of my experience lack of emotional response physical and emotional reaction to your presence, I have failed.

I fear I may have made things worse by attempting to gain some insight into expressing my troubles by speaking to Roman. He does seem to have an innate ability to woo our more somber friend. He claimed that I was incapable of speaking to you about these responses due to his state being ‘shook’. Though, I am not quite certain what he means and why he claims ‘shaken’ is grammatically incorrect, but he made his point clear.

It appears that while I am in your presence, I am unable to think properly due to a number of chemical reactions. I will admit, I had pursued research on the topic for fear that whatever the cause of my lack of judgement, this perpetual state of incoherence may prove to be permanent . Roman assured me that this is karma though it is still unclear as to what Hinduism has to do with any of this.

It would appear that when I am in a close proximity to you, my brain releases dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin, estrogen, and testosterone creating an intoxicating mixture that, in Roman’s words, causes me to ‘ghost’ anyone and everyone near me. I am unsure about his choice of vernacular, but his point was clear.

It is apparent that I care for you a great deal more than I have ever cared for another person. You are the figurative star at the center of my solar system. You shine more brightly than the sun itself. Every time I am gifted with the sound of your laughter, my heart breaks with the overflow of emotions the sound causes.

Furthermore, to compare you to a star is admittedly unfair. Though I have a passion for astronomy, the sorrowful beauty of a star could never measure against your own. Stars are dying structures billions of years away from Earth. Most of which have already died and remain ghosts in the sky. You are nothing so morbid.

Your light and beauty are everbright, never to be extinguished even within the test of time. Your warmth and protection, the light and beauty you bring out from within all of us, these are qualities which will never die. Therefore, you can not compare to a star when a star will inevitably fail.

I fear that even these words prove to be insufficient withmy intention. I am no poet and I do not pretend to be such. However, I am not ashamed to present another poet's words to assist me in my attempt at disclosure.

The words of Geoffrey Chaucer come to mind when I think of the way you affect me. His poem, Rondel of Merciless Beauty, seems to express my feelings towards you adequately:

Your two great eyes will slay me suddenly;

Their beauty shakes me who was once serene;

Straight through my heart the wound is quick and keen. Only your word will heal the injury

To my hurt heart, while yet the wound is clean—

Your two great eyes will slay me suddenly;

Their beauty shakes me who was once serene. Upon my word, I tell you faithfully

Through life and after death you are my queen;

For with my death the whole truth shall be seen.

Your two great eyes will slay me suddenly;

Their beauty shakes me who was once serene;

Straight through my heart the wound is quick and keen…..”

Logan read the words once more, taking in the numerous lines of red ink, striking through unnecessary sentences. His frown deepened before he tore the page out with a frustrated huff. He crumpled the page violently between his hands, tossing it into the already overflowing bin next to the door.

This was utterly hopeless! He was not some romantic protagonist in one of Roman’s poorly written romance novels! There was no reason he couldn’t just walk up to the smaller man and confess his feelings like an adult!

A knock at his door made the lanky individual start, heart pounding against his chest in surprise. He glanced at his clock once more: 02:17 AM. No one should be up at this hour. Even Virgil tended to be in bed by now.

He pushed to his feet, pulling the end of the tie that hung loosely over his shoulders from where he had unfastened it in his frustration after his seventh draft of the letter. He deposited the wrinkled silken fabric onto his desk before moving to curiously pull open the door.

Patton stood just outside the fairly spacious bedroom dressed comfortably in his cat onsie, a steaming mug in his tired hands. He peered up at Logan and offered a small tired smile. Logan’s heart stopped.

“Well, hiya,” Patton greeted, his usually chipper voice a bit sluggish with sleep, “I saw your light on, on my way to get a glass of water. I figured you’d probably be up with one of your late night projects so I brought you a cup of joe, Lo,” he chuckled, shooting Logan a wink.

“I-I…” The taller man stuttered, face flushing in panic, “I.. Yes.”

The answer to a question Patton most certainly didn’t ask, had his brows furrowing. It was obvious that Logan was once again short circuiting, but Patton graciously chose not to comment on it. Instead, he offered the warm mug out to the larger man, giving him another one of those million dollar smiles Logan had just been writing about. The taller man practically swooned.

“You’ve been staying up well past your bedtime lately, kiddo,” Patton commented, glancing down at the bin next to his roommate and the crumpled papers scattered around it. “What a mess! You really have been working hard, haven’t you? I worry about you sometimes,” he continued kneeling down to pick up one of the balls of yellow stationary. “You’re such a busy bee. You really should allow yourself more rest, bee-cause sleep is important,” he laughed as he started unraveling the page, “What are you working on anyways?”

Logan willed himself to move to no avail. He needed to get the paper away from the smaller man! He needed to do it now! Despite his attempts, Logan’s arms remained stubbornly where they were, both gripping the ceramic mug in his hands so tightly that his knuckles were pale.

His body heated with embarrassment as his gaze became glued to Patton’s gentle features, taking in the way his forehead dimpled as he concentrated on what he was reading.

Logan could scream if his body wasn’t betraying him in such a horribly demented way! Why was he allowing this?! This could ruin their friendship! This could be the last time he would be allowed to see Patton because he allowed his emotions to get the best of him! He needed to shut them down and shut them down now!

“Oh,” Patton breathed softly, sending a spike of terror through Logan’s heart. “Oh my.” The spike dug deeper causing the gangly geek physical pain.

“Patton, I can explain-” Logan rushed, finally finding his voice.

“I had no idea you felt this way,” the smaller man breathed, peering up at his roommate, gaze glistening with the threat of tears.

Logan was no longer convinced that a ‘spike’ was a good analogy. No, he was fairly certain that his heart had just been hit with an explosive ice grenade. He had made Patton cry! He would never forgive himself for this! He deserved-

“This is beautiful, Logan,” Patton added softly, lifting a hand to wipe away the tears, stopping Logan’s panic in its tracks. “I wish I had known…”

“You… You think so?” Logan asked lamely, the cup shaking slightly in his hands.

“Of course!” Patton chuckled, pressing the wrinkled paper against his chest. “Are all of them like this?” He asked, glancing down at the piles in awe.

“Well… To some degree,” the taller roommate admitted, taking a step back to glance at them as well. “Some are admittedly more composed than others.”

“Logan…” Patton’s voice cracked around the word, the tears beginning to flow more freely now.

Logan set the mug aside quickly, unsure of how to respond. He was not very good at comfort, that was Patton’s department. He reached out for the smaller individual, knowing Patton prefered physical contact.

“I’m so sorry, Patton. It was not my intention to upset you!” he rushed.

“I’m not upset, Logan,” Patton chuckled wetly, covering his face. “I’m just so happy. I thought I… I didn’t know you… I didn’t know you could feel that way, much less about me!”

Logan blinked at him in surprise. Patton wasn’t upset? No, he could see the small dimples on his cheeks that usually were an indication of his large grin, even though they were currently hidden behind his hands. Patton was smiling. Relief washed through the taller man.

“Patton, may I,” Logan paused, still unsure of himself but feeling his own happiness warm him. “May I embrace- oof!”

He barely managed to get the word out before Patton was slamming into him, arms tightly wrapping around Logan’s waist. The little man was surprisingly solid against Logan’s chest as he returned the hold.

Patton buried his face in his roommate’s dark polo, his tears leaving small damp stains as he breathed in the earthy scent of wood and lavender that always seemed to cling to the other man. It was a comforting sensation that Patton had often found himself thinking about late into the evening when he was unable to sleep.

They remained that way for some time, hovering in Logan’s doorway silently, clinging to one another as if they letting go would cause them to drown.

“Does this mean, if I were to venture an inquiry, to say, dinner this Friday, you would be inclined to accept?” Logan asked finally, flushing.

“Yes! Of course!” Patton replied without hesitation, pulling away just far enough to peer up at him, face beaming with happiness that caused Logan’s breath to hitch. How could one man be so breathtakingly beautiful?

Without a thought, the taller man’s hand lifted to Patton’s check, bending low to brush his lips against the small peak of the other’s nose.

La fin...

Taglist:

@hiddendreamer67 @hiddendreamer67 @gilby-the-geek-girl

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secretschuylersister · 7 years

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Had to Give You Away: Part 2A (Lin/Reader)

Summary: Lin was the foundation on which you built your life, until he wasn’t anymore and never was again.

You can find the first part here. You can find Part 2B here.

Note: This is the sad timeline, y’all. Many thanks to @thatoneimaginesblog for putting up with my drafts.

Word Count: 4718

You were hurrying out the door when your phone started vibrating. Your daughter's name flashed across the screen and you hastily answered.

"Mom, please tell me you haven't left the city yet," she all but shouted.

"We're just leaving the apartment now, Lorena. What's going on?"

"Oh, thank God. I forgot my shoes at my place and I need you to get them. I tried calling dad, but he was already on his way. I know you don't love going there, but-"

"Kid, don't worry about it. I'll grab the shoes and be there before you know it," you promised.

"Thank you so much! I love you!"

Lorena hung up the phone before you could return the sentiment, which made you laugh in exasperation. She had all of her father's boundless energy and none of his patience.

Truth be told, Lorena was right. You really didn't love going to her apartment. Lin had given her the first apartment that the two of you ever owned together as a college graduation present three years ago, and she had been living there ever since. You could count on your fingers the amount of times you'd been over to the building in the last few years. It was filled with so many memories that it may as well have been haunted.

But this wasn't about you. Your daughter was getting married this weekend, and she needed her shoes. The thought stopped you right in your tracks: your daughter was getting married this weekend.

You shook your head as you remembered how afraid you were when you found out you were pregnant all those years ago. You so wished you could go back in time and tell yourself how far you'd come, how beautiful your daughter would be, how the long road ahead was worth every step.

It had been a little over a month since you told your husband you wanted a divorce. Well, “wanted” wasn't the right word. “Needed” was perhaps closer. Either way, the papers were filed and it was going ahead.

With the exception of a few broken-hearted voicemails, you hadn't heard from Lin since he returned to London a few weeks earlier. You missed him so much that it made you dizzy.

So you were miserable, and one late period and five pregnancy tests later, you were also terrified. Sleeping with Lin that night had been a bad idea for many reasons, but this felt like the universe was kicking you in the teeth. You had spent years trying and desperately wishing for a baby, so of course it finally happened for you after one sad night while your marriage shattered at your feet. You had a tiny person growing inside you, and you'd somehow never felt more alone.

You were in the middle of another pity party when there was a banging on your door. It was your sister-in-law, Luz, and she was pissed.

The anger in her eyes turned to concern as she looked at you, and her shoulders slumped.

“You look too pathetic to yell at,” she huffed, walking into the apartment without waiting for an invitation. “What are you doing? This is killing the both of you. Lin is…he's really not coping.”

All of the exhaustion and heartache of the last year hit you like a truck, and to both your own and Luz’s horror, you burst into sobs.

Luz sat you down and brought you a glass of water, but you were still too hysterical to drink it. She looked guilty and you tried to assure her that it really wasn't anything she said. Instead what came out was “I’m pregnant.”

Your sister-in-law went white as a sheet and started drinking the water she brought in for you.

She sunk next to you on the couch and asked, “It is Lin’s, right?”

“Oh, fuck you. Of course it is.”

She held up her hands in apology. “I'm sorry, I know. It's just, God, the timing. Does he know?”

You shook your head, your eyes filling up with tears again. “No. I just wanted this divorce to be as painless as possible. How can I do that now?”

“Painless isn't an option, hun,” she said, her voice kinder than you felt you deserved. “But he has to know. He's coming home for a few days next week. I can be there when you tell him if you need some support.”

“It's tempting, but I can do it. I'll send him an email and ask him to come by when he gets into New York,” you promised after a moment's hesitation. “Thank you. It means a lot to me that you'd offer, considering…well, everything.”

She leaned forward and squeezed your knee. “We’re still family. Now more than ever,” she smiled and motioned to your abdomen.

You laughed and placed a hand on your still-flat belly, feeling a glimmer of excitement for the first time.

The week between Luz’s visit and Lin’s arrival passed in the blink of an eye. You kept trying to convince yourself that you had nothing to be afraid of, that Lin was still Lin, but you were sick to your stomach anyway. Some of that might have been the pregnancy, but most of it was the dread. You had to drop another bomb on Lin, and you didn't know how you were going to do it.

You instinctively reached to spin your wedding band out of nerves when you heard Lin’s key in the door, forgetting momentarily that the ring was no longer there. The shock you felt was almost funny, considering it was you who took it off hours before. You laced your fingers together instead, and put on a smile when Lin walked through the door.

“Hi,” he said. “I hope it's okay that I didn't knock.”

“Of course you don't have to knock. You live here.”

Or, at least, he used to.

The two of you shared an awkward dinner, and you tried to tell him about the baby a hundred times. Every time you looked at him and noticed how thin he had gotten or how the circles under his eyes looked more like bruises, the words got caught in your throat. You wanted to take care of him without giving him false hope. The truth was that you didn't know how to stop being his wife.

More than once he started to ask you to call this off, but swallowed the words. It was only as he was saying goodbye that he let himself try one last time.

“You really won't reconsider? This is what we’ll be like from now on?”

“I hope it won't be like this forever, but no. I…I can't reconsider.”

He nodded and looked past you. “I'm only in town for a few days. If it's okay with you, I'll come by tomorrow and put my things into storage.”

“You don't have to get all of that done right now, Lin. I'm not kicking you out of your home.”

His eyes snapped to yours. “Aren't you?”

It was clear he didn't mean the apartment. You dug your nails into your palms to keep the tears at bay.

“Do you need any help tomorrow?” you offered, trying to move past the loaded question.

Lin said he could handle it, and you decided to be gone when he came to pack. Before leaving the apartment the next morning, you grabbed one of his old t-shirts and shoved it into your bag. You still needed that much.

When you got home that night, the apartment was cleared of nearly all of Lin's belongings. You changed into his shirt after your shower and sat down on your bed, your chest aching at the lack of his things cluttering your bedroom. Your eyes drifted across the room and you noticed something out of place. Your tray of perfume bottles had been shoved to the wrong side of your vanity. You got up to slide it back into its place and noticed that a bottle was missing: the one you bought in Puerto Rico on the day before your wedding. You only ever wore it on your anniversaries. You glanced down at the shirt you were wearing and realized Lin must have had the same thought that you did. Neither one of you was ready to lose the other, not completely.

The guilt was overwhelming, and you knew it was only going to get worse. Your hand absentmindedly rested on your stomach, and you knew what you had to do.

Lin answered his phone on the first ring.

"Hello?"

"Lin, I need to tell you something. I'm pregnant."

Your phone rang for the second time that morning just as your car pulled in front of your old building. You saw that it was Lin, and unlocked your screen as you jogged inside.

“Hey, Lin. What's up?”

“I just wanted to see if you were able to go and get the stuff Lorena forgot. She's pissed that the one day I left on time was the day she needed me to be running late,” he laughed.

Walking into the apartment that now belonged to your daughter, you couldn't help but smile at how every inch of this place screamed Lorena.

“Luckily for her, I'm late as ever,” you replied. “I'm just stepping into her place now. It certainly looks different these days.”

“Are the walls still electric blue?” he asked, and you could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Tangerine.”

“Oof. Well, I'll let you do what you have to do. See you tonight at the rehearsal?”

“Yup. I'll see you then.”

You hung up the phone and rubbed your throat. This would be your first time seeing Lin in quite awhile and you were a little embarrassed at how anxious you felt. The excited flutter in your stomach that he always caused when you were married never quite went away, but instead reinvented itself in the form of jittery hands and nervous glances that you prayed nobody picked up on.

You walked into the bedroom and found the shoebox sitting on Lorena's bed. You grabbed it and allowed yourself a moment to look around and remember when you shared that room with Lin.

Being here didn't hurt the way it used to, and you were suddenly glad Lin had decided to keep the apartment way back when.

It was amazing what money and a few good lawyers could do. Just three months after Lin returned to London, all there was left to do was divvy up your assets and sign a few papers. A few scratches of a pen and the book on your marriage to Lin would close forever.

You hadn't expected to hear from him until the time came to sign the finalized papers, so you were caught off guard when your phone rang and you saw his name.

"Hey, it's me," he said, sounding nervous. The two of you had been each other's home base once, and hearing him sound afraid to talk to you made something ugly twist inside your chest. "I'm in the city, and I wanted to ask you to meet with me before I have to leave again."

"We're going to be meeting with the lawyers-"

"No," he interjected. "Just us. I don't want to turn into people who can only see each other with a mediator."

You knew it was a mistake, but how could you say no to him when he was asking for something so small?

"Okay. We can meet."

After the brutally uncomfortable dinner at the apartment last time, you arranged to meet him at a quiet coffee shop not far from your building instead.

You were already waiting at a table with two coffees when Lin walked in. You waved him over and made a few minutes of stilted small talk before he got into the real reason you were there.

"I just wanted us to work this out without strangers involved. I want to split everything we have 50/50, and I want you to keep the apartment. I'll keep our old place."

"Lin, the apartment we have now is worth three times the amount of our old one and I wouldn't want to live there without...well, I just don't plan on staying. We'll sell both places."

"I don't care about the money. I don't plan on selling the apartment."

You were taken aback by his statement.

"Lin, I really don't think staying in our old place is going to be good for you," you said gently. "It wouldn't be for me, either."

"I'm not going to live there, I'm just not prepared to let it go. So you keep the place you're in now. Live there or sell it or do whatever you think is best," he said and then paused. "This is weird, but we should talk about your alimony, too."

"Lin, I'm not asking for alimony. Jesus. I don't need it and I don't want it."

He audibly exhaled and roughly ran a hand through his hair. "I planned on taking care of you for the rest of our lives, so please, let me do at least this much. You're carrying our child, for God's sake."

"I am, and I'm confident you'll be there every step of the way to help take care of her. I'm not asking for any more than that. And while we're on the subject, I'm not looking for a 50/50 split. You've brought in way more of that money than I have. We've given our paperwork to the lawyers and accountants. They'll work something out, that's their job."

The sadness and fatigue in his eyes were replaced with frustration.

"None of that money would even be there if it wasn't for you. Do you not remember all the years you spent working crappy jobs so I could write and build my career? Half of everything we have is yours."

"I didn't do all that for some payday later on, Lin."

"I know you didn't!" he exclaimed, looking almost offended. "You did it because you loved me and supported me. That's why I want to make sure I'm supporting you now."

"I just...I don't think you should be making huge financial decisions when you're still feeling emotional."

He looked at you like you had grown a second head.

"Believe it or not, I'm always going to feel pretty 'emotional' about the person I love leaving me when I know she still loves me, too."

You felt like you had just taken a punch.

"We should just do this through the lawyers, Lin," you said, your eyes fixed on the coffee cup in front of you.

"I can't believe we're actually doing this." It sounded like he was talking to himself as much as you.

"I know."

Both of your coffees were untouched and had gone cold, and neither of you seemed to have any more to say. As you stood up to leave, Lin froze for a moment and you suddenly realized this was the first time he had seen you since you started showing. His gaze was focused on the small bump and you saw his fingers twitch. You suddenly couldn't stand the distance anymore and guided his hand to your stomach. His eyes shot to yours and you smiled at him.

"Crazy, right? A human lives there now," you joked, and it was the most normal you'd felt in months. "Are you going to be in town for a few days? I have an ultrasound at the end of the week, and I'd really like you to be there."

"Absolutely, I'll be there. When, where, and what time?"

You gave him the details and went your separate ways, still feeling unnerved by all the money talk but excited for the upcoming doctor's visit. Unbeknownst to you, Lin went back to his hotel and immediately cancelled his flight back to London. He wasn't missing that appointment.

You saw Lin pacing outside of your doctor’s building that Friday, and laughed a little at how uneasy he looked. You tapped his shoulder and he jumped before whirling around to face you.

“Ready to head inside?” you asked with a raised brow.

He laughed at his own nervous reaction and opened the door for you. The two of you passed the time by talking about the baby until you were called in by a nurse.

You spoke with both the nurse and the doctor about how you were progressing, Lin shooting you concerned glances when you spoke about how bad the morning sickness still was. After determining there wasn't anything unusual about your symptoms, the fun part began.

Lin grabbed your hand as the screen of the ultrasound machine lit up and he got his first glimpse of your baby. He was completely enraptured as measurements were taken and the baby was given a clean bill of health.

“So, would mom and dad like to find out the sex of the baby today?” asked the ultrasound technician with a smile.

“I already know she's a girl,” you asserted, waving off the question.

Lin’s mouth curved into an amused grin and he said, “But confirmation would be nice.”

“Well, those motherly instincts are spot on. The two of you are having a little girl.”

Lin's grip on your hand tightened and he leaned in to kiss you before abruptly pulling back, remembering that things were different now.

You tried not to let it sour the experience and let him escort you home, the two of you talking about the appointment the entire way.

You dreamed about your daughter that night, the first dream about a baby with Lin’s eyes that you'd had in years. You grabbed your phone and called Lin immediately, not pausing to consider that it was the middle of the night.

“Hello? Are you okay? Is it the baby?” he asked, half frantic and half groggy.

“Oh! No, we’re both fine. I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it was so late,” you apologized. “It's just that, well, I had one of my dreams and I think I know her name. Lorena.”

“Lorena,” he repeated softly. “I like that.”

You could picture him in his bed, nodding and smiling, still sleepy-eyed. You missed him.

“Me too,” you agreed. “I'm sorry for waking you.”

“You can call me at any time for any reason. Always.”

The next morning you woke to an email from Lin. The subject line was “Lorena Grace” and an audio file of an original lullaby was attached.

Neither of you considered another name from that moment forward.

"Did you find her shoes, love?"

Your husband Jeremy's voice startled you and you walked out of the bedroom to see him standing in the doorway of the apartment.

"Yup, I've got them," you smiled and held up the box as proof.

Something about seeing Jeremy in this apartment made you feel uncomfortable. You quickly ushered him out and back to the car, saying that you didn't want to be too late.

You looked at the man driving the car and smiled to yourself. You really did love him and you knew you were lucky to have found such a good person to share your life with, but that apartment was part of a history that Jeremy didn't belong to. Things worked out in the end, but there was still a pang of sadness at the realization that your life was so clearly split into "before" and "after."

"Mama!"

You caught Lorena in your arms as she stampeded into your apartment with a grinning Lin trailing behind her.

He handed you her backpack and the three of you talked about her day at school for a few minutes before Lin gave her a kiss and headed out.

Five years in, your co-parenting relationship with Lin couldn't be better. You had shared custody, but you were in a good enough place that both of you saw Lorena nearly every day. When Lin had to travel for work, you made sure they Skyped or FaceTimed nightly. It was really working, and you were proud of the family you had built for Lorena.

After making a quick dinner, you brought your daughter to your parents' house where she was spending the night with a few of her cousins. It would be the first Friday night you had to yourself in months, and you were looking forward to grabbing a drink with a few friends.

You were walking down the street later that night with two of your best friends from college when it finally happened. You knew that it was only a matter of time, but you managed to find yourself caught completely off guard anyway.

There was Lin, and he was holding hands with another woman.

It had been five years since the divorce. It's not like you expected him to stay single forever and it certainly wasn't like he was cheating on you. You had no right to feel as heartbroken by the sight as you did.

Your friends followed your gaze and wrapped their arms around you, keeping you walking until you reached the bar. You really weren't in the mood to be out anymore, but they'd never let you leave now.

After you had a few drinks in your system, you found yourself agreeing to finally meet the man they'd been trying to convince you to see for months. Jeremy, you thought his name was.

That one date with Jeremy led to another and another. You hadn't introduced him to Lorena yet, but the relationship was becoming serious and you thought it was time. When Lin dropped her off at your house one Tuesday afternoon, you brought it up.

"Hey, do you have a minute?"

He nodded and raised a brow, his way of asking "what's up?"

"I've been seeing someone, and I'd like you to meet him."

His eyebrows furrowed and he started to speak but your nerves got the best of you and you cut him off.

"I won't introduce anyone to Lorena until you meet them. And I'd like you to meet Jeremy."

Lin winced a little when he heard Jeremy's name for the first time, but he gave you a closed mouth smile and nodded.

"Maybe we can all get lunch? I've actually been seeing someone, too."

You almost said "I know" but bit back the words.

Lin met Jeremy and you met Marissa. She was pretty and funny and you wanted to dislike her, but you couldn't. You wanted Lin to be happy. That was at the center of every decision you had made from the day you fell in love with him. So here the two of you were, trying to find happiness with other people.

It was almost a year to the day after that lunch that you received Lin and Marissa's wedding invitation in the mail.

You booked yourself a weekend away and sent your regrets.

Lorena ran out to meet your car as you arrived at the hotel, and she was pulling open your door before it came to a complete stop.

"Lorena, knock it off," you yelled through your laughter as she threw herself at you in a hug.

Jeremy greeted her with a smile and a kiss on the forehead before carrying your bags up to your room. Meanwhile, you were dragged away by Lorena and the two of you were inseparable for the rest of the afternoon. You lost yourself in last minute preparations, not having a minute to yourself until after the rehearsal that evening.

"Well, if it isn't the mother of the bride."

You turned when you heard Lin's voice and an easy smile spread across your face, all apprehension temporarily forgotten in the joy of the day.

"Ready for tomorrow?" you asked him.

"Not even a little bit."

The two of you spent a few minutes retelling some of your favorite childhood Lorena stories until Jeremy wandered over and let you know that everyone was heading over to the restaurant for the rehearsal dinner. The evening was spent at your husband's side, enjoying being surrounded by so much family and watching your daughter glow with happiness.

You woke up early the next morning and left for the estate where the wedding was taking place. Jeremy would follow later in the day, but you were taking it upon yourself to oversee that morning's arrangements so Lorena wouldn't have to.

When you felt certain that things were under control, you made your way to Lorena's suite. She was awake and gazing at the wedding gown that was hanging up across the room. You smiled at the sight.

"Morning, kid," you said as you walked into the room and moved over to where she was standing. You wrapped your arms around her and she leaned into you like she used to when she was a little girl.

You kissed the top of her head and pulled back.

"I've got something for you," you told her and reached into your bag.

You handed her a small box and saw her eyes fill up with tears as she opened it.

"This is the necklace dad gave you before I was born. You should keep this," she said, shaking her head.

You ignored her protests and gently fastened the locket around her neck.

"That locket is a symbol of how much your father and I loved each other and all the beautiful things that came from it. It belongs to you now."

You saw something from the corner of your eye and turned your head to the door where you found Lin watching the two of you, his expression tender and a little sad.

Lorena gave her dad a hug and you watched them from across the room, your heart feeling incredibly full.

"You look absolutely gorgeous, Lorrie."

"Dad, I'm not even in my dress yet," she responded, rolling her eyes but grinning all the same.

"You've never needed a dress to look gorgeous. You take after your mom in that respect," he said, tugging on a lock of her hair. "I'll leave you guys to get ready. I just wanted to see my girl before I had to give her away."

The rest of the day flew by in a blur of emotion. It wasn't until you saw Lin walking Lorena down the aisle that everything came into sharp focus. He kissed her hand and took his seat next to you while Lorena and her fiancé began to exchange their vows.

You hadn't even noticed your hand was clutching Lin's until you began to clap after the couple's first kiss. You glanced at Marissa on Lin's left and at Jeremy on your right. You hoped nobody else noticed, either, and let Jeremy lead you into the reception hall.

You were enjoying the beautiful night and grabbing a glass of champagne when you felt a tap on your shoulder from Lin.

"Can I steal a dance?"

You almost turned him down, but you saw your daughter watching you hopefully from across the room and you knew how much it would mean to her.

"Of course you can."

He led you to the dance floor and took one of your hands in his, the other resting on his shoulder. The two of you smiled as Lorena's husband twirled her in time to the music.

"God, she's beautiful, isn't she?" he asked.

"The best thing we ever did."

His arm around your waist held you a little more snugly, and he looked you in the eye.

"Do you ever think that we got it all wrong?"

"That's not a fair question," you replied quietly, your stomach churning.

"Maybe not, but that wasn't an answer."

"No. I guess it wasn't."

He didn't press you any further and you finished the dance in silence. He was slow to release you, one of his thumbs rubbing circles on your hand.

As you started to walk away, you nodded in Lorena's direction and said, "Hey, Lin? We didn't get all of it wrong."

He gave you a small smile and a nod, and you left to find Jeremy in the crowd. You were almost out of earshot when you heard it.

"Not all of it," Lin said under his breath. "Just most of it."

#lin x reader #hamilton rpf #hamilcast x reader #hamilcast imagine

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