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justkending · 3 years

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The Number One Rule. Chapter 18.

Summary: Y/N has always been seen as “Steve’s rambunctious sister.” However, she grew up, graduated, and moved to London to study abroad for 4 years and get her bachelor's degree. The girl that returns looks nothing like the teenager that left, but don’t worry the attitude is still there and stronger than ever. What’s to come of the two grown adults that used to push each other's buttons, but now have a lot more in common than they’ve ever realized.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Y/N Rogers (Steve’s little sister)

Word Count: 3100+

Chapter Eighteen:

“Good morning, Sunshine,” Steve chuckled, bringing his mug to his lips as his sister walked in with a sleep ridden face. She gave him the silent bird before moving to the coffee pot. “I see your morning self hasn’t changed.”

“What are you still doing here? I thought you would have left for work by now?” Y/N asked with a tired voice as she walked to the fridge for creamer.

He had ended up staying the night and sleeping in his old room that had been transferred into the guest bed. Him and his sister had been up late talking and catching up.

“Eh, I’m going in a few hours later since I’ve been doing overtime recently,” Steve shrugged, leaning back and watching her sit across from him. She was wearing a giant T-shirt and some old pajama pants that she tiredly tried to straighten from their disheveled state. “What’s your excuse for not being ready for work?”

“I don’t have to be there until 9 today,” she answered with her eyes closed.

There was a comfortable silence as the two sipped on their coffee and Steve read the newspaper. Looking over he saw her practically falling back asleep in her seat.

“I guess I need to talk to Bucky soon…” He spoke up. Her eyes opened at that and she turned to him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean now that I know the case, and now that I know you’re both happy, I don’t have a right to be a jackass anymore I guess,” he shrugged with a smirk.

“I’m glad you came to terms that you were a jackass,” she chuckled, punching his arm playfully. “We’ve been waiting a few years on that one.”

“Hey, I can call myself a jackass, but you watch yourself,” he warned in a light manner.

“Sure thing… Jackass,” she mumbled with a smile. Before he could start an argument, she diverted the conversation. “So, should I warn him, or-?”

“I don’t care. We have different shifts today, so I’ll see him tonight probably and talk to him.”

“Ok, then I’ll let you do the talking. I would warn him yourself though. He’s been a nervous wreck around this topic with you. Anytime he thinks about how we’ve hurt you, he gets upset and really anxious,” she explained more seriously.

“I mean, I don’t blame him. This was a shitty kind of situation to go through, but mom was right. Neither side of the problem was handled well,” Steve sighed. “I’ll text him before.”

“Good,” Y/N nodded. “Want me to come?”

“No, I think we need to talk ourselves,” Steve sighed. “If you know what I mean.”

“I get it,” she nodded standing and grabbing her mug. “Well, I’m going to get ready for work. Mind if I come over tonight though? You know, when the coast is clear? Maybe we can all have a movie night like back in the day! Becca and Sam are invited too,” she pointed to him.

“Sounds like a plan. You’re paying for pizza though. Since you have an adult job now, it’s only fair,” Steve said with raised eyebrows.

“Hey, I-”

“You owe me,” he cut her off.

She glared at him for using the given past situation as a way to get free food.

“That’s low, big bro,” she deadpanned.

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same thing,” he scoffed with a smile, going back to the paper in front of him.

“Touche,” she nodded with a pursed lip. “At least text me when I can head over, so I don’t interrupt you guys' bromance session.”

“Shut up,” he groaned as she left the room.

________

Once Y/N got to work, a few hours into her shift, she got a call from Bucky.

“Hey, B,” she smiled through the phone as she went through the loads of papers in her hands.

“Hey sweetheart,” Bucky replied just as sweetly. “Guess who texted me today?”

“Hmm, Barack Obama?” Y/N responded. “Wait, no! Michelle Obama.”

“Haha, very close, but no,” he chuckled. “You’re brother reached out.”

“Is that so?” Y/N faked surprise.

“I’m guessing you guys' conversation last night went well considering your chipper mood?” he questioned. “Or they went horribly wrong and you’re just a really good actress.”

“We all know I can’t act even if my life depended on it,” she laughed, changing the phone to her other ear as she wrote some notes on a paper.

“It’s true. You’re a horrible liar,” Bucky confirmed.

“I’m not even going to argue it no matter how much I want to,” she shrugged. “But I would say things went well. I mean we may or may not have gotten into a wrestling match on the front lawn, and mom might as well have dragged us by the ears inside to have a civil conversation, but besides that…”

“Oh God, Y/N… What the hell happened?”

She just knew he was pitching the bridge of his nose on the other end.

“Nothing too crazy. It’s just sibling fighting,” she waved off.

“At least tell me you gave him a chance. You didn’t beat his ass too much, hopefully. You know we’re trying to win him over, not push him further away, right?” Bucky had a smile in his voice, clearly just joking around.

“You know? Kids’ gotten stronger since middle school,” she noted.

“I would hope so. He fought in a war and chases bad guys for a living. Can’t have scrawny middle school Steve doing that kind of stuff. He’d get a nose bleed just looking at the wrong guy.”

The two laughed for a little reminiscing at little Steve before he bulked up in high school. But after some joking, Bucky brought the conversation back where he started.

“But in all honesty, I shouldn’t be too worried about tonight?” he asked. The nerves in his voice were clear to Y/N.

“No, Bumble Bee. We talked it out, screamed it out, and fought it out. And in doing so, we had a good conversation. Thank Sarah Rogers for keeping us on track and not letting us walk away until it was resolved,” she assured, putting his mind at rest.

“Ok, good…” Bucky sighed on the other end. A moment of silence went by as if he was trying to process it.

“Hey, I know you guys still need to talk, but I do want you to know that it’ll be all ok in the end. Don’t get too worked up about it,” Y/N said softly. “26 years of being best pals can’t be ruined by this little bump. You said it yourself.”

Bucky let out a breath and nodded. “You’re right. It… It’s just, I hate that he found out how he did, and…” he paused. “It just kinda sucked seeing him that upset.”

“I get it,” Y/N nodded on her end. “But hey,” she added. “We’ll all be ok. Truly.”

“I trust you, doll,” he grinned. There was some distant talking on the phone and Bucky humming. “Hey, I have to go. Boss needs me for something. Call you later?”

“For sure. Have a good day, and let me know if you need anything!”

“Right back at you. Love you, sweetheart,” he slipped out the last part unconsciously.

There was a moment of silence as the two were stunned. Neither had said the “L” word yet… At least not to each other…

“Uh,” Bucky stuttered out. “I-I-...”

“Buck-,” Y/N started in just as much shock.

Another round of someone shouting on the other line that wasn’t Bucky came through through the phone.

“I have to go! Talk to you later,” Bucky shouted into the phone.

Before she could say anything else, the line ended and she slowly pulled back the phone seeing her lock screen blank. No words came out after that.

She just stared at the screen where a picture of her Bucky, Becca, and Steve all were embedded in a bear hug together. An old picture, but one that she always loved and cherished with a group of her favorite humans.

She also loved it because even though it was before Bucky and her had become an item, they were squished against each other. Bucky was smiling wide and caught in a laugh as he looked down at her, catching her from stumbling to the ground, and she was laughing as she gripped his arm to find her balance. Steve and Becca laughing on the side at her clumsy self, and the fact someone was always having to help her stay on two feet. Bucky having always been one of those top people in her life.

She smiled down at the memory and couldn’t help but feel those little flutters move from her stomach to her chest and eventually make her cheeks heat up.

_________________

Now he had two things to freak out about. One being Steve and his talk tonight. Yes, he knew he didn’t really need to after Y/N’s reassurance that things would be fine, but still. It was a strange conversation to have with your best friend.

“Sorry I fell in love with your sister and hid it from you. My best friend of over a quarter of a decade. Not to mention you found out from me coming out of her room half naked after you thought she was home alone...”

Yeah, that was going to be weird no matter how ok they were now…

Then you add in, he just casually told Y/N that he loved her before hanging up the phone. He didn’t mean to. It just felt so natural in the moment!

He wanted to make the first time he said it special, not just by accident…

God, his heart was racing and now he had four hours left of his work day to let those things just stir around in his head. Great. Maybe that 3rd cup of coffee wasn’t that great of an idea.

_______________

“So, everything’s good with you guys?” Sam asked after Steve let him in on everything.

“Yeah. I mean Buck and I still need to talk it out, but… I don’t know. I can’t be mad if they’re both happy at the end of the day. Happiest I’ve seen either of them in a while, if I’m being honest,” Steve shrugged with a small smile.

“See, I knew that’d be the case at the end of the day. I tried telling Bucky that,” Sam shook his head as he finished up the dishes. “And sorry man about not saying anything. I didn’t think it was my place to,” he apologized.

“No, I get it. This was their own thing. You were just being a good friend to Bucky and letting him figure this out himself,” Steve waved.

“He’ll be home in a little. You worried?” Sam asked, washing his hands off.

“No, if anyone’s nervous it’ll be Bucky. Y/N and I had a really good talk last night. No matter how upset I was before, I now know where they were coming from,” Steve sighed. “Did I agree with it? No, but we all have different ways we would go about things.”

“True facts,” Sam smiled. “Well, I’ll hoard myself in my room for a while until the coast is clear. Let me know if you guys need anything, ok?”

“Got it. Oh, and Y/N said she was going to come over after with pizza for a movie night, if you want to join,” Steve pointed out moving to the couch.

“I’m here for it,” Sam nodded, going down the hall to his room. “Call me when all is resolved.”

Steve nodded and plopped down on the couch skimming through the channels as he waited for Bucky. About 15 minutes later, he heard the lock turn and quietly the brunette made his way in with caution.

“Hey,” Steve said softly, turning from the end of the couch.

“Hey,” Bucky said with a soft smile as he put his things by the door.

These were the first words they had spoken in over 2 weeks. They hadn’t talked since the whole fight in the backyard.

“How was work?” Steve asked, making small talk.

“Nothing too crazy today,” Bucky shrugged, walking to the back of the couch with his hands in his pockets. “Oh, Lillian asked about you again.”

“From accounting?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Only Lillian I know that’s obsessed with you,” Bucky laughed lightly.

“God, I’m not ready for that…” Steve returned the chuckle.

It got quiet after that. Not awkward, but not comfortable either.

“So…”

“Listen, Bucky,” Steve sitting back in his chair running a hand across his face. “I’m sorry, I punched you after-”

“Don’t be. I deserved it,” Bucky waved him off, coming around the couch slowly to sit on the opposite end.

“Ok, yeah. You’re right,” Steve nodded with another small laugh. Again another pregnant pause. “I gotta know. Why didn’t you just tell me, Buck?”

He took in a deep breath before answering. “I’m sure Y/N told you, but we didn’t want things to have a bad falling out and it be awkward for everyone else-.”

“No, not that. Why didn’t you tell me that you weren’t going to do it from the start?” Steve interrupted.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“Y/N said that you guys went back and forth on not going through with this because you didn’t want to hurt me. I mean, maybe that’s not that big of a deal, but it changes things on my end some,” Steve explained. Bucky just sent him a blank stare. “What I mean is, when I first figured everything out, I was hurt because I thought you didn’t even consider me in your decisions. I know, it sounds selfish, but-”

“No, it doesn’t. You’re a part of the equation to some extent. Just like Becca is. But surprisingly Becca was excited and not freaked out about her best friend dating her big brother. It’s a little different being the big brother in the situation though,” he said softly. “It’s not selfish though Steve. If the roles were reversed and say you and Becca dated, I would hope you considered my feelings in the matter too.”

Steve was glad that he understood what he was getting at. He was worried it wouldn’t make sense or make him look like he thought the whole thing revolved around him.

“Yeah…” Steve paused. “But you didn’t say anything about that when we did get in that fight. Why?”

“I don’t know… I guess I just wanted you to understand my feelings for her more than anything. I needed you to know that she wasn’t just some girl I was hoping to hook up with at some point.”

“I know you would never do that Buck. No matter how upset I was, I still don’t think that low of you,” Steve sighed. “And about that… I’m sorry I said you don’t deserve her… That was an extremely hard hit to the gut.”

“You were looking out for her,” Bucky said with pursed lips, but the pain from the past comment was clear. It didn’t feel good having your best friend who's been through thick and thin with you tell you weren’t worth something.

“Yes, but that was a low blow and I said it out of hurt feelings. I was hurt, so I wanted you to be just as hurt. That wasn’t fair,” Steve concluded. “If there is anyone in this world that I trust to take care of Y/N just as much as me, it’s you Buck. I was just blinded by anger.”

“Understandably,” Bucky nodded, looking back at his friend a little less troubled.

“Understandably,” Steve agreed. They stared at each other silently communicating. “I’m sorry.”

“If anyone is sorry, it’s me Steve,” Bucky shook his head running a hand down his thigh still slightly anxious.

“How about we both agree that we didn’t handle this situation the best way,” Steve smiled. “I should have seen how happy you two were and not second guess how it happened. I shouldn’t have made it about me when you both clearly are what the other needs.”

“Steve-”

“Truly. You guys have been glowing the last two months with complete and utter happiness and I was so oblivious to pick up on it. I feel like a shitty brother and best friend.”

“You’re not a shitty brother or best friend. Not in the least,” Bucky said scooting to the edge of the couch. “You know that.”

“Y/N tell you we got in a fight on the lawn yesterday?” Steve asked with a small smirk.

Bucky chuckled. “Yes. Said your mom about beat your asses out there too.”

“All because I was too stubborn to talk it out,” Steve shook his head while he threw it back on the back of the couch.

“Eh, you said it yourself. We all didn’t handle this situation well,” Bucky chuckled. “She kicked your ass, didn’t she?” he said after a second.

“Wouldn’t say that, but she must have worked out over seas because I couldn’t pin her like I used to. She was giving me a pretty decent fight,” Steve laughed loudly.

“God, I would pay money to have someone get that on tape,” Bucky laughed with him.

The two soaking up the now comfortable atmosphere.

“So we’re ok, right?” Steve asked. “Leave all out petty, stubborn, and stupid mistakes in the past?”

“I’m fine with that if you are,” Bucky nodded.

“Good. I’ve missed having my best friend around. I was getting tired of ignoring you,” Steve sighed, patting Bucky’s back.

“You gave me good practice with your stubbornness for Y/N. Not that I haven’t been practicing with you both my whole life, but damn you guys are too bull-headed monsters.”

“We feed off each other's energy,” Steve shrugged with a smirk.

“I know, it’s exhausting, yet entertaining all at the same time,” Bucky smiled as he moved his head side to side.

A knock sounded at the door and they both turned toward the wooden panel.

“Speaking of the devil,” Steve smiled standing up.

Bucky froze.

Shit. One anxiety had been cured now, but he had almost forgotten about his second one...

(Tags for this series will be closing soon as it is getting pretty full, please send an ask if you want to be added:)

I’ll post on whatever chapter I decided to close it down here.

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#bucky barnes au series #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes modern au #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x reader au #bucky barnes x reader au series #bucky barnes x y/n rogers #bucky barnes x y/n rogers au #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes series #justkending #justkending series #justkending marvel #marvel #marvel au #marvel au fanfic

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wenellyb · 3 years

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Hey what do you think about sam and Bucky's potential love interests in cap 4? Like this thought has been on my mind lately and I came up with some answers. For sam i'd say 1)Bucky(of course he would be my first choice) 2)Sharon (I know that many people would disagree on this but frankly I think this is the best one we've got. I know that she is kinda a villain right now but sam can help her redeem herself like clint to nat. And sam and sharon are already friends and it's not like they're gonna introduce a new character and make her/him a love interest in the same movie.) For Bucky it'd be 1)Sam (ofc they are like made for each other) and 2) Sarah . Cause no one can deal with his dumb white ass except the Wilson siblings. And i know that my first choices are probably never gonna come true all with Disney's homophobic shit but i am still gonna keep my fingers crossed.🤞 PS : I am really sorry my rambling...

Hi Anon!!!

Never apologize for rambling lol. Great question, thanks for the ask. Here are my thoughts about love interests for both Sam and Bucky. I have to admit I was more inspired by Sam lol.

For Sam:

1) Bucky: I agree that Bucky would be a great choice as a love interest for Sam, the storyline is already great and they would be epic together. Unfortunately mark my words when I say that the fandom would be awful about it, with people creeping from other MCU fandoms I will not name to celebrate all the canon bi-Bucky headcanons they have and brush Sam to the side completely even though having a gay or bi Captain America would be the greatest news ever.

So in a perfect world Bucky, like you just said, but the fandom is far from perfect, so in practice, anybody but Bucky maybe...?

2) Misty. I know there is more a chance of us having Sam with an original female character that Misty, but I would give all my gold to have Sam x Misty relationship. I don't know how it would work out with the contracts and licensing and everything, but if there's a relationship I want to see in the MCU it's that one. Ever since I heard about Sam's character being involved with Misty in the comics I have been obsessed with the relationship and if it would happen in the MCU, wow. The potential, the storyline, the Power Couple, the everything.

3) Torres: Joaquin Torres and Sam Wilson spend half of the time they're together flirting. And I mean flirting. Not talking, not discussing. Flirting.

Their couple is just THERE... it's there, just add a heart emoji to each other contact's on the other's phone, write boyfriend and you already have a couple.

4) Sharon: I completely agree with you about the potential for Sam x Sharon and I would be here for their relationship. As you said, they're already friends and have a close relationship. I wish we had seen more flirting between Sharon and Sam, in the show. I mean we did see Sharon flirting, checking him out and complementing Sam but Sam wasn't exactly receptive. I really feel like a relationship between Sam and Sharon would work out great, even more with the reveal that Sharon is the Power Broker. I feel like I'm the only one who likes Sharon as the Power Broker, but the potential for drama and interesting storylines is much better like this. And Captain America, falling in love with a villain who then changes their ways because they fell in love back and can't stay a villain, because of ..love. Sign me Up.

For Bucky:

I've already thought about it and it's a little bit complicated regarding Bucky, because expect Sam, Sarah and Leah, he doesn't really interact with a lot of characters (in a flirtatious way I mean), so the shipping potential is harder to see.

1. Sam. Of course

2.Sarah: I could really see a Sarah x Bucky storyline, besides the writer said that they already had that storyline planned out so it would work out great. They have already had plently of flirting and bonding moments so the ground work has already been set for a storyline in the future movies.

#sam wilson #bucky barnes #misty knight #joaquin torres #sarah wilson #sharon carter #sambucky asks #samquin asks #sam x misty #anon asks

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alsaurus-loves-dean · 3 years

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What Dean Has To Say a destiel fic by alsaurus | rating: T | word count: 3.8k When Cas comes back, he disappears.

He’s supposedly still in the bunker. According to Sam, he doesn’t seem to have left the building at all since he arrived.

Dean wouldn’t know, because Cas is avoiding him.

It’s the only explanation. Why else would it be impossible to find his best friend even though they’re under the same roof 24/7? Not that Dean has really gone looking for him, but still. They haven’t crossed paths once since Cas got back three days ago. This wouldn’t be so weird on its own (yes it would), except Sam sees Cas all the time. So what gives?

Dean knows what gives, but at the same time? He doesn’t really. Cas is obviously reluctant to talk to Dean after what he’d said to trigger his deal with the Empty. He’d said all that under the assumption that he’d never have to face a response. Dean understands. He would definitely feel the same if he were in that position. But Cas? Cas is the bravest, purest, and most sincere person that Dean has ever met. How could someone like that be afraid to talk to someone like Dean?

This isn’t how Dean had expected this to go.

He’d wanted Cas back more than anything he’s ever wanted in his life. He’d never felt joy the way he felt when he saw Cas out of the Empty, back in the bunker where he belonged. Dean knew he needed to be with Cas, that Cas was it for him.

But he’d also kind of assumed that Cas would take the lead, here. Cas, who was so straightforward and free of human insecurities, would be the one to bring it up - if only just to assure Dean that nothing had to change. Then Dean would have the perfect opening to tell him he felt the same. If words failed him in that moment, Dean was also prepared to let his body do some of the talking.

Dean had not imagined that Cas would just straight-up hide from him for days on end. It’s frustrating, but also a little endearing.

Okay, it’s a lot endearing. Very endearing. Some might even say it’s adorable. Not Dean, though. Sure, Cas is so flustered at the idea of talking to Dean about his feelings that he literally won’t show his stupid angel face - so what? What’s even cute about that?

Anyway.

Dean is starting to get antsy about the whole thing. He’s not exactly anxious, but he’s so amped up that his body interprets it as anxiety. He had to cut down on the caffeine because he’d started to feel like he was vibrating out of his skin. For someone Dean never sees, Cas sure does occupy a whole lot of space in Dean’s head most of the time. He finds it difficult to really focus on anything else, so he’s watched a LOT of movies the past few days - just zoning out with only half his attention on the screen.

“Why are you sitting here in the dark by yourself?” Sam asks from the doorway, making Dean jolt in surprise.

Dean hadn’t realized he’d turned the TV off after Dirty Dancing had ended. He really is just sitting in the Dean Cave, in the dark, by himself. Awesome.

“What‘s it to you? And who am I supposed to be sitting with, anyway? Not like Cas wants anything to do with me,” Dean grumbles. Laying it on just a little thick, since he knows better than Sam why Cas isn’t here.

“What is up with you two, anyway?” Sam asks, and it’s obvious that he’s been waiting for the opportunity to do so. He flips the light switch and comes to sit in the other chair. He’s perched on the edge of it, leaning towards Dean as if to signify how very important he finds this conversation. How he’s not going to let Dean out of it.

Fine.

“Cas is just being a baby. He thinks he can just confess his undying love for me and peace out, and then once I rescue his ass he can just avoid dealing with the whole thing,” Dean starts. Then he finds he doesn’t want to stop, despite Sam’s eyes going wide in shock. “Seriously, man, I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Like how long am I supposed to wait? We should have spent these whole three days in bed doing all kinds of freaky shit - but look at me, Sam! I’m sitting alone in the dark without even realizing it because the dude lives rent free in my freakin’ head!”

“Umm,” Sam says.

“I get that he’s nervous, but so am I! I mean, he’s the one whose cards are already on the table. I’m the one who has shit to say! I don’t even know if I’ll be able to say it, but I’ll never find out if I never even see the guy!”

“Okay, hold on. Just a minute. You’re saying that Cas told you...?”

“Yeah.”

“That he - “

“Yep.”

“And you want to say it back.”

“Sure. If you wanna call it that.”

“Come on, Dean.”

“I mean yeah, Sam, what do you want me to say? I have no idea how it’ll go down. I still haven’t seen him since we got him back.”

Sam starts to smile, and Dean doesn’t like the look of that.

“So what, he’s avoiding you because he’s scared of what you’ll say?” Sam asks.

Dean shrugs.

“I guess. Why else would he avoid me and not you?”

Sam’s smile grows as he sits back in the chair, settling in. He watches Dean for a few moments, eyes twinkling like he’s about to say something really stupid. Why did Dean think that opening up about this would be a good idea?

“That’s actually kind of cute,” Sam says.

Dean rolls his eyes so hard he has to throw his head against the back of the chair.

“Don’t you start with that!” Dean groans. “It’s not cute, it’s annoying. It’s cowardice, is what it is!”

“Have you tried to find him?” Sam asks. The smirk on his face tells Dean he knows the answer but is asking just to be a little bitch.

“Shut up. Why does it have to be me, huh? Why do I have to be the one to bring it up?”

“I didn’t say you had to bring anything up. I just mean have you tried to talk to him at ALL? You say you haven’t seen him, but have you looked for him?”

Dean has not. But -

“I already looked for him, in the Empty! And I pulled him out. It was a whole thing! I think the ball’s in his court now.”

“Dean, think about it. You have a lot more experience with this kind of thing than he does,” Sam reasons.

It’s true. But at the same time -

“I have never experienced anything like this. Ever. Especially not with a dude,” Dean says. He feels out of his element, too. That’s why Cas was supposed to take charge! (Dean knows that doesn’t make sense, and he doesn’t care).

The smile on Sam’s face turns gentler, any trace of teasing disappearing.

“I’m surprised you’re even telling me all this,” Sam says.

“Sam, come on,” Dean protests, because he really doesn’t want to get into it.

“No, really! In the past you’ve been… very adamant about being straight.” Too adamant, is what Sam means. He’s not wrong.

“What’s your point?” Dean asks.

“I’m just glad this is happening, I guess.”

Dean can’t help but melt a little at that sentiment. Inwardly. On the outside, he’s still trying to act put out, but the longer he sits there trying not to confide in Sam, the stronger the pull to do so becomes. Like being caught in a wave, Dean finally lets it pour through him.

“It’s Cas. You know? It’s Cas. I spent too long worrying about all that. I’ve lost him too many times, Sam. I can’t really care about all that stuff anymore. So I just want him to know, you know? I don’t want my crap to keep Cas from getting what he wants. He deserves to get everything he wants. He can have it. I want him to have it. And I want him to know that.” Dean stops. Takes a deep breath, because that was a lot. Then he wraps it up. “And that means you’re gonna have to know at some point anyway, so. There you go.”

Sam looks shocked again, but in a totally different way that Dean doesn’t recognize at all. Which makes sense, considering this is the first time Dean’s ever admitted to having gay feelings for an angel of the Lord. It’s an unusual situation.

“That’s amazing, Dean. Seriously. I’m really, really happy for you,” Sam finally says.

Dean can tell he means it. He’s actually not sure he’s ever seen Sam so sincerely pleased. But Dean frowns at that last sentence.

“I don’t know what you have to be happy about just yet. Dude won’t even talk to me.”

“You said yourself that you haven’t even tried!”

“Yeah but I can take a hint, man. He doesn’t want to see me. Otherwise he’d have seen me.”

And it boils down to that, Dean realizes. Because while he understands that Cas is reluctant because he’s afraid, Dean is also hurt. It’s irrational, but he wants Cas’ love for him to be stronger than that fear. He aches for Cas every moment of every day and every night. He’s barely functioning because he feels like his entire existence is on pause - he hadn’t expected to be in this prolonged state of limbo. He’d been ready for Cas. But it turns out he’d been ready for a different Cas, one he’d thought up in his head - because the real Cas, the Cas he loves, is too afraid to face him and Dean has no idea how long that’ll last. He has no idea when or even if Cas will come to him. Every moment that passes could be the moment before Cas finally talks to him. It’s agony. It’s wonderful.

But he meant it when he said that Cas deserves everything he wants. So why should Cas have to seek it out, when Dean could just give it to him?

“I need to find him, huh,” Dean says, and it’s not a question.

“Yeah, man. You should do that,” Sam agrees. There isn’t an ounce of admonishment in his voice. He’s just supporting Dean, and for once, Dean is grateful.

“Thanks, Sammy,” he says,

Time to find the angel.

concluded in chapter 2. read the rest on ao3.

#destiel #deancas #destiel fic #deancas fic #fanfic #destiel fanfic #deancas fanfic #my fic #dean winchester butterfly hunter #butterfly hunter

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occult-castiel · 3 years

Text

The Same Page

This is my @destielsecretsanta2020 gift for @eclypseaf!!! The request was open, but bonus points for Miracle being present. So I wrote some post empty rescue fic!

This one honestly gave me a really hard time and I have no idea why. I hope you like it and have has an awesome christmas!

[Ao3 Link]

The portal spits them out in the dungeon.

Dean stumbles out first, a half step ahead of Cas. Human, malleable, and very much alive with one of the little dude's arms draped over Dean's shoulder.

Cas stumbles forward. Dean shoots an arm out in front of him, places a hand firmly against his chest. He maneuvers his other arms under his trenchcoat, grips his side firm.

His skins almost cool to the touch — much too cold to be safe. Not for a human, especially a brand new one.

And what if he's sick? Or gets sick and can't get better? Without his grace, there's a whole new set of worries. A bad flu that gets worse until he's gone, a hunt going wrong, fucking cancer. Heart disease kills pretty much everyone, doesn't it?

He takes a deep breath and focuses on the gentle thud of Cas' heart against his palm.

The last eight months haven't been easy. Not between the alcohol Sam eventually cut him off from, and the hunts getting sparse, and Jack being terrifying and gone until he wasn't.

Cas lulls his head to the side. His inky heart sticks to his forehead, and his blueberry-sweet eyes are unfocused but still manage to catch Dean's.

It's achingly familiar, and he smiles easy. "Hey there, sunshine."

Cas pinches his brows together as his head swims to stay upright. He slurs through some half-baked, nonsense question about coral reef bleaching, and Dean's so relieved he laughs.

Cas smiles at the sound, dazed and feather-light, but the joy is unmistakable.

It's the best thing Dean's ever seen. Fuck, he missed him. Missed him so much he didn't know what to do with himself.

Cas winces — what little help he was giving Dean in holding him up falls. He makes up the difference quick. Weak fingers curl around Dean's wrist.

"Sorry —"

"S'okay. Gonna —" he swallows hard. Tries to shove away the distinct pin-prick in his tear ducts that always means he needs to man the hell up. "Gonna get you to a bed, okay?"

Cas grunts, a pitiful noise that's mostly air and entirely feeble. "Tired."

"Rest then. It ain't far. I gotcha, buddy."

When he nods, his hair brushes Dean's neck.

It's not well thought out. The lack of work and overload of carbs haven't done Dean's muscles any favors. His joints creak and protest every step, but his room isn't far, and he'd be damned before he let's Cas feel like he has to do anything alone this time.

Miracle hops off the bed the moment the door opens.

Dean lays Cas on top of the bunched up blanket. Once he's down, Dean slowly works the trencoast and suit jacket off, his hands careful as they trail across the thin cotton of his shirt.

Cas shivers, and Dean wrestles to tug the blanket out from under him, Miracle nuzzling the side of his leg the whole time.

She's probably hungry. Or just wants attention. He hasn't exactly been available the last couple weeks, too busy with his nose in piles of research. But it all payed off.

Cas grimaces in his sleep, and it twists the cords in Dean's chest. He reaches his hand out and ghosts his fingers across the sweat-stained hair stuck to his skin, gently pushing it to the side.

He'd said it once, not more than a month ago, in the darkness of his room, Miracle tucked as close as he could get her.

He said he loved me, and I — I didn't say it back. But I do. God I do.

Dean trails his hand from his forehead to the flushed pillow of his cheeks. The other knuckles roughly at his eyes and comes back wet.

He has no god damn idea what he wouldve done without Miracle to talk to. Cause he could never get it out to Sam. Not those last moments. Not what Cas really means to him. Always too close to an edge of something larger than any apocalypse they've ever dealt with.

He traces down low enough to brush across Cas' wrist, the pained look still on his face.

Dean swallows, his heart hammers hard in his throat. Timid even though the guy is unconscious, Dean grabs his hand.

His mind blanks. Turns to complete static — a jumble of half-formed thoughts about every reason he ever told himself not to.

He's an angel. The worlds ending. Always ending. He doesn't feel that way. Can't, the equipment for it's not there. It's why he leaves, isn't it? And what the fuck could ever hope to start when it's all always falling apart? When they could fall apart.

Everyone leaves.

A flash of cold prickles down his back, and he tries to takes a deep breath. It goes down ragged. There was something he read once, about picking out a sense.

Cas' breath, slow and steady. The clink of Mircale's claws on the floor. A muted buzz from the florescent lights in the hall.

He breaths again, a little easier. His fingers curls into Cas' palm, and his finger twitch against Dean in response. The dent in his brows relax, his jaw goes slack.

"S'okay Cas." He squeezes. "Just... be okay."

When his phone rings, dumped and forgotten on the other side of the room, he isn't quite sure how to let go. Like the ligaments in his hand have cemented in place, forgotten the muscle memory to make the movements happen.

When the second call comes through, Cas mumbles something. Dean's shoulder slack, and he pulls his hands back, clammy and with a slight tremor.

It's Sam. There's a small tug of guilt — he should've called him the moment he put Cas down. He knows he would've been worried sick if Sam was the one that had to go.

Sam's relieved too, promises to buy stuff for dinner on his way back from where Dean went in the Empty about fifty miles out. And he must hear something in his voice, because he stresses to go watch a movie or something and let Cas sleep it off.

Of course he's right. They knew Cas would be out cold. But leaving the room is still hard, and he lingers in the doorway until he gets a good look at Miracle's mess of tangled fur.

He hasn't brushed her hair, since that's practically what the fur is, in weeks.

"C'mon girl."

He grabs the brush from the bedside table, casts on last look at Cas, and takes Miracle to the TV room.

She hops on the couch next to him, tail thumping with excitement.

"You wanna get pretty to meet Cas later?"

She nuzzles his hand, sticks her nose against the brush, and a little bit of the stress from today lightens up.

He flips on some netflix show about baking food, and talks to Miracle as he starts in on her snout.

It's ritualistic to touch on whatevers going on with her, at this point.

As her fur smooths, he tells her about the Empty. Its piss-poor lighting, the mind boggling way directions work, how it has this awful burnt-licorice and gasoline stench clung to the nothingness of its everything.

It kinda makes his head hurt.

Almost two full episodes in, he has all her fur neat and tidy, and his little monologue has circled back to Cas. She'd know a lot about him if she could talk.

"It's hard to believe he's really back. And — and maybe it'll be good. We could, I dunno, get you a yard?" He nods, smiles. "Yeah, I bet your spoiled ass would like that. The bunker ain't a place for pets."

Miracle leaps from the couch, and someone clears their throat from the door.

Cas stands in the doorway, hunched in on himself. Dark strands of hair twist up in random directions, and the casual clothes Dean left him fit snugly.

He looks... comfortable. Like he slipped into humanity ages ago, not this afternoon.

"Cas."

He tilts his lips up, tight and sheepish. "I see you have a dog now."

"Yeah. Miracle. She uh — she helped me." He motions vaguely to his head. "Might not be batting a hundred up here if not for her."

Cas glances down at her, and the tense smile softens. "I'm very grateful then."

Almost reverent, he scratches the side of her ear.

Dean shakes his head. Blinks. Two things he never thought he'd see side by side mixed with the insanity of the day make none of this seem real.

Deep breath.

"She can — she can be there for you too," Dean says. "If you need it. Dogs are great listeners. Even the Madonna types like this one."

Cas gives a contemplative hum. "They are both blonde."

He puffs a breath of air. It's easy to forget Cas actually knows what he's talking about now, sometimes. Even if he does still miss the point by a mile.

"It was your turn."

Cas raises an eyebrow.

"To, uh, pick a movie." He motions to the seat next to him. "If you want."

Cas runs his bottom lip between his teeth and doesn't look at Dean. Doesn't say anything either. Just nods, walks over, and sinks into the couch.

It's a respectable distance. Close enough Dean would be able to sense him, far enough away they won't touch.

Miracle curls up on the other side of Cas, head flopped on his lap, right next to his balled up hands.

"Is it over?" His voice is small.

Dean doesn't have to ask. "Chuck isn't aproblem anymore." Cas sighs, slinks down bonelessly into the cushions. "We figured it out, took his powers. Jack's fixing up Heaven with it. Says he's gunna do that, find a way to put Amara back together, and then come home."

"Good. I don't think I'm up to fighting standards." He rolls his head to the side. They're close enough Dean can make out each muscle in his neck when he swallows. "You didn't have to save me, Dean. I'd — made peace with that fate."

It's bullshit. It's bullshit and Cas has to know it. He almost tells him a much, but if he can't have that talk now, then he never will.

He licks his lips. It doesn't help the dryness.

"Did you mean it?"

It's a dumb question, but one he needs answered.

Cas doesn't miss a beat. "That and more." The serenity in his words is endearing as it is cutting when he adds, "But we don't have to address it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

It's Dean's turn to melt with relief. "Good — that's good."

Cas winces. "I understand if you'd like some space —"

He starts to stand up, and panic seizes Dean's chest like a vice grip. He grabs his wrist and Cas freezes.

"No! God no. Cas, it — it wasn't supposed to happen like that."

He looks confused, before some amount of understanding smoothes out some of the worried lines in his face. His eyes flick down to Dean's mouth for an instant. "How was it supposed to happen, then?"

"I thought, maybe on a hunt? Or — I don't know. Just... " some place I could say it back.

Its not good enough, saying it without saying it. Cas gave a speech. He saved Dean's life, saved the god damn world. All without knowing.

He shakes his head. Starts again. He had enough practice between thoughts he couldn't shove away and late night pet-therapy. "I thought you knew. Hell, I've been scared everyone knows. And if they did, you did too, right?"

"Subtly isn't always my strongest suit."

He laughs, and it's almost on the wrong side of sane. "Don't I know it."

He can do direct.

Slow enough that Cas has time to pull back, he runs his hand up his arm, cradles it against the back of Cas' neck. He leans across the small distance and kisses him.

It's clumsy and unsure, and Cas places a skittish hand on Dean's side like he's not sure what he's allowed to have even now, but their lips mesh together in a way that feels better than anything he can remember.

When they part, he's not sure either one of them are breathing. And he can't look at Cas, not when he says it. Not yet. So he presses their foreheads together, keeps his eyes fully lidded.

"I don't know how you could think you aren't worth saving. You — you're it for me."

"Dean —"

He shakes his head, and the tips of their noses brush. "I love you more than I know what to do with. You know that right?"

Bewildered, Cas says, "I didn't."

"Yean, well. Now you do."

He scoots back in place, flushed firm against the cushion. Their hands tangle together, and their knees are touching, and it's too much and not enough. But mostly not enough. Dean dares a glance over. Cas is staring at their hands, a pleased smile on his face.

And they're on the same page.

"I think you said something about a yard when I walked in?"

Instead of answering he says, "We should retire. I'm too old for this shit."

"Entirely?"

Dean shrugs. "A hunt here and there wouldn't hurt I guess."

"We'll talk about it later." He reaches over him, grabs the remote. "I think you said it was my turn?"

Dean grins, full and toothy. "Yeah, just no more romcoms, dude. I can only take so many."

Cas nods, curt and serious. "Of course."

He does anyway, and it's the best shitty movie Dean's ever seen.

#destiel secret santa #sorry this is being posted so late in the day!!!#my internets broken at the moment so it was very difficult to get it up #and i also couldnt run it through any spelling/grammer checkers #hopefully theres nothing atrociously wrong with it #destiel #deancas #destiel fanfic

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thatsbucknasty · 3 years

Text

she used to be mine (x) waitress au

summary: Inspired by the broadway musical. Y/N Beck is a pie baking force to be reckoned with. She’s pregnant with her lazy ass husband, Quentin Beck’s baby. As everything around her turns upside down, Doctor James Buchanan Barnes charms his way into her life.

pairing: Y/N x Bucky

tags are closed

chapter 10: I didn’t plan it

Two months pass and I realize it’s only a matter of weeks before I meet my baby girl. I’ve been working hard to save more money but I’m still not even close to the amount I’m gonna need for the birth AND the divorce. It’s been really hard to put my pride aside and accept the help my friends offer, I guess I’m used to being left to my own devices since I was very young. But I love my little family. Bucky and Sam drive me home every night after closing and Wanda has been bringing me gifts for the baby. Nat’s contact will be handling my divorce and she said they would give us a payment plan so that it won’t be so difficult to pay all at once. I still don’t understand how that’s gonna work but I trust her. She’s being very strange though, but Natasha’s one of those people who deal with issues on their own and compartmentalizes everything. Still, I’m worried about her. I guess I can’t judge her, we’re the same in that department.

Old Nick hasn’t been around much lately, says he’s taking care of his health. Guess my pies aren’t the healthiest meal for an eighty-something year old man. Maybe I should start adding more vegetables to my own diet, I’m creating life inside of me after all.

“Hey boys, what can I getcha?” Wanda flirts with Steve at the counter and Bucky laughs, he seems to be getting used to their corny, slightly inappropriate conversations.

“Oh I don’t know, sweetheart. What’s the special pie today?” Steve flirts back at her.

“Well, Y/N made her famous ‘Slutty brownie pie’ today and if you want, I could make it even sluttier-”

“Guys! Not in front of my salad, please!” Sam scolds them and Bucky’s just laughing at Steve’s red cheeks. Wanda rolls her eyes at him and motions Steve to follow her away from the group.

I come out of the kitchen ready to leave and see Steve and Wanda making out in the far corner of the counter, while Bucky and Sam talk about an AC/DC concert they both attended back when they didn’t know each other. Sam’s also taking care of his diet it seems, but Bucky’s stuffing his mouth with my brownie pie. I don’t actually understand how he can eat so much and still look absolutely stunning.

“Guys! Keep it in your pants. It’s movie night, we’re leaving!” I scold them and Steve’s blush has reached his ears and neck at this point.

“Thank you! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who thinks those two are such horny teenagers”. Sam throws his hands in the air and hangs his apron, ready to go.

“I think they’re adorable, but I’m tired and hungry, and I don’t want any more pie today so let’s go, where’s Nat?” I look around trying to find the redhead.

“She said she needed to be alone tonight but she’ll be at the party tomorrow”. Wanda says and we share the same worried look on our eyes.

“Oh, okay. Shall we?”

We get to Bucky’s apartment and today’s pick is on Steve cause tomorrow’s his birthday. He chooses 1986’s Labyrinth. We order pizza and sushi and enjoy the magical spectacle on the screen.

I can’t stop thinking about my divorce and all the bills that are waiting for me in the future. Raising a child isn’t cheap. Bucky holds my hand at one point, under the blanket that we’re sharing. I guess he senses my worry and tries to make it go away. I’m glad he does. Lately I’ve just been letting myself fall for him because fighting against it it’s a lost cause. He’s the sweetest guy, brings me home safely anytime he’s able to, he cares about my friends and most importantly, he’s patient and doesn’t rush me to do anything I’m not ready to do. His parents raised him right, what’s a girl supposed to do?

Next day is organized chaos, thanks to Wanda and her frantic need for everything to be perfect. She really loves Steve and he’s a good guy. They deserve each other, truly.

Nat’s helping Sam hang decorations around Wanda’s backyard. It’s a mixture of 4th of July colors and Happy Birthday signs. We’re not doing the whole fireworks thing, since Wanda’s birthday present for Steve wouldn’t like the noise. But there’s a flatscreen set up to watch them on tv.

I’m in the kitchen, chopping some tomatoes for a pico de gallo I’m making. Bucky’s setting up the barbecue outside and I can see him from the window. He keeps messing it up and starting again, making the funniest, exasperated faces. I told him Steve could do it in no time but he insisted he’s the birthday boy and should just enjoy this day.

Speaking of Steve, he’s on his way. It ain’t a surprise party but we still wanted to set everything up before he got here.

We’re all enjoying the cool summer breeze, watching football on a projector Wanda set up in the backyard, we have hotdogs and guacamole and chips, the guys have beer which of course I can’t have, but Bucky was kind enough to make me an entire jug of pink lemonade just for me. I’m not really interested in the game, to be honest and my bladder is full so I separate myself from Buck and look around to realize Natasha isn’t here. Since this is not my house and I need to find the restroom I ask Wanda for some help instead and we enter the house together.

She points me to the toilet and I open the door to find Nat and Sam wrapped around each other, half naked.

“OH MY GOD! What’s happening here?!” I immediately cover my eyes and close the door.

“Y/N, you’re okay? What is it? Don’t tell me you found a rat cause I hate them so much, Gosh I told Steve we should’ve done this at my place, is way cleaner”.

“I- I- no- um. It’s not a rat it’s a- um. I’m sorry-”

“Y/N! Let me explain-” Natasha comes out the restroom with her blouse half buttoned up, makeup almost completely ruined.

“I don’t- I don’t need you to expla- can somebody please lead me to another bathroom or something? I’m about to piss myself!”

“Sure, honey, let’s go”. Wanda grabs me, she apparently understands what’s going on, looking at Nat’s disheveled state and brings me upstairs to another room.

“What’s going on? I heard the girls yell”. Bucky enters the house and sees Sam and Nat cornered in the kitchen, looking like they’ve seen a ghost.

“Nothing, man. I think it’s time for me to leave. Say happy birthday to Steve for me”. Sam kisses Nat on the cheek and leaves the house.

“Wha- Natasha, are you okay?” Bucky stands there awkwardly, trying to break the tension.

“I’m fine, but the girls and I need to talk privately. Would you distract Steve for us? He doesn’t need to hear about this. Tell him we’re talking about pregnancy stuff with Y/N or something”.

“Oh-kay? Are you sure you’re alright though, you seem-”

“I’m fine, Bucky. Now go talk to Steve, he’s out there alone on his birthday”.

“Well, he looks fine! He’s watching the Patriots destroy the- Okay got it, see you later”. Bucky awkwardly scurries down to the kitchen and grabs a couple more beers and brings them outside.

“Knock-knock”. Natasha enters Steve’s bedroom and sees Wanda sitting on the bed.

“Hey”.

“Hey. Y/N still peeing?”

“I don’t think so. But I think she’s crying”.

“God she’s always so dramatic”.

“Hey! You should’ve told us! Do you know how worried about you we’ve been? We thought you were sick or something! Not wanting to hang out with us. We were supposed to plan a baby shower for her by now but you’ve been M.I.A.”.

“ I know, and I’m sorry”. Nat sighs and knocks on the bathroom door.

“Y/N, come out. We know you’re done so let’s go. We need to talk”.

I wipe my tears. I don’t know why I feel betrayed. Sam and Nat are my best friends, I should be happy for them. Damn hormones making me cry like a little baby every time something’s out of place.

“Hey”. I sniff and open the door to see Natasha rolling her eyes at me.

“Why the hell are you crying?”

“Oh I’m sorry for being a hormonal mess but seeing two of my best friends, one of them who’s married by the way, making out like horny teenagers would definitely cause me some distress!”

“Uh huh, and how is this any different to you and Bucky holding hands and making eyes at each other every single minute? May I remind you, you’re still married too!”

“Oh my God, Natasha, you did not! I’m getting a divorce, you know that!”

“Yeah, I know. And I understand and not make a fuss about it, until you decide to judge me for the exact same thing you’ve been doing!”

“Why- ah. Sorry, I know I’m looking like a complete hypocrite right now. It’s just- you guys are my friends and you’ve been acting so strange lately, it had me so worried and I feel like I could’ve been there for you, just as much as you’ve been there for me. You guys are my sisters”.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But Sam and I wanted to figure out what we wanted first and you know how I am. I fall down the rabbit hole and I keep it to myself cause I’m too proud to admit I’m weak”.

“Natasha, please. You’re anything BUT weak. You’re the one who’s always showing us how strong we really are!” Wanda chimes in and holds both mine and Nat’s hands in hers.

“Okay girls, listen up, from now on we need to make a pact that whenever one of us starts to close off from each other, we will make an intervention for that person and keep ourselves accountable for our shitty ways to cope with men, and life, and money problems, and cleaning obsessions, is that clear?” Nat kisses the top of my head and Wanda laughs at her declaration.

Somehow I feel like everything’s about to change, hopefully for the better.

chapter 11: she used to be mine

#she used to be mine #waitress au #waitress musical #bucky x reader #doctor!Bucky #waitress!reader #avengers au #marvel au #Bucky Barnes #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff #sam wilson #quentin beck #Steve Rogers #nina writes

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rachelbethhines · 3 years

Text

Vintage Shows to Watch While You Wait for the Next Episode of WandaVision - The 60s

So the 60s is the era that Wandavision pulls most heavily from for it’s inspiration. So much so that one could make the argument that each of the first three episodes are all set in the 1960s. Episode one pulls from the early 60s with multiple Dick Van Dyke refences, episode two is very Bewitched inspired, and episode three is aesthetically very similar to The Brady Bunch which started in ‘69. As such it was hard to narrow down the list for this decade and I had to get creative in some ways.

1. The Andy Griffith Show (1960 - 1968)

The Andy Griffith Show gets kind of a bad rap now a days for being, supposedly, a conservative’s wet dream. People claiming it as such have apparently never actually seen the series. Oh yes, it’s very much set in white rural 60s America and will occasionally present the obliviously outdated joke, but the story of a widowed sheriff being the only sane man in a small town full of lovable lunatics, who prefers to solve his and others problems with negotiation and hair brained schemes as opposed to violence has far more in common with modern day Steven Universe than whatever genocidal fantasy fake rednecks have in their heads.

As the gif above shows Andy Griffith was very subtlety progressive for its time. Andy was a stanch pacifist, pro-gun control, treated drug addicts and prisoners with respect, and all the women he would date had careers, ect. and so on. It’s not a satire making any sort of grand political statements but the series had a moral center that was far more left than many realize.

But if it’s not a satire, then what type of comedy is it?

The Andy Griffith Show excels in what I like to call, ‘awkward comedy’. See everyone in Mayberry is far too nice to just come out and tell a character they’re making an ass of themselves, so therefore whoever is the idiot punching bag of the episode’s focus must slowly unravel as everyone looks on in helpless pity until said character realizes the folly of their ways and the townsfolk come together to make them feel happy and accepted once more. Wandavision takes this polite idyllic awkwardness and plays it up for horror instead of laughs.

2. The Dick Van Dyke Show (1961 - 1966)

The creators of Wandavision actually met with Dick Van Dyke himself to pick his brain and learn how sitcoms were made back then. Paul Bentley also took inspiration from Van Dyke in his performance of the sitcom version of Vision, while Olsen stated Mary Tylor Moore had a heavy influence on her character of Wanda. But more than just being a point of homage, The Dick Van Dyke Show was hugely influential in modernizing the family sitcom and breaking a lot of the unspoken traditions and ‘rules’ of the 50s television era. It’s also just really, really funny.

3.The Alfred Hitchcock Hour (1962 - 1965)

Bit of a cheat here. Alfred Hitchcock Presents actually started in 1955 as a half hour anthology show, but in ‘62 the show got a revamp and was extended into a full hour tv series. I knew I wanted The Twilight Zone to be covered in my episode one recap, but ‘The Master of Suspense’ couldn’t be forgotten. While The Twilight Zone reveled in the surreal and supernatural, Alfred Hitchcock pioneered the thriller genre and made real life seem dangerous, horrifying, and other worldly.

4. Doctor Who (1963 - present day) vs Star Trek (1966 - present day)

Just like how westerns dominated the air waves during the 50s, science fiction was the center of the cultural zeitgeist of the 60s. From Lost in Space to My Favorite Martian, space aliens and robots were everywhere. So naturally I had to name drop the two sci-fi juggernauts that still air to this today. If you thought that the rivalry between Star Wars and Star Trek was bad then you’ve never seen a chat full of Whovians and Trekkies duking it out over who is the better monster, the Borg or the Cyberman. But which one has the more influence over Wandavision?

Well Star Trek owes it’s existence to sitcoms. As with The Twilight Zone before it, Star Trek was produced by Desilu Productions and it’s co-founder and CEO, Lucille Ball, was the series biggest supporter behind the scenes, lobbying for it when it faced early cancelation. As with all things sitcomy, everything ties back to I Love Lucy in the end. However despite that little backstory, it would seem that the series has very little to do with Wandavision itself beyond being quintessentially American.

I would argue that Wandavision owes much to Doctor Who though. Arguably more so than any show mentioned in this retrospective. Time travel, alternate realities, trouble in quite suburbia, brainwashing, people coming back from the dead, ect... just about every trope you can find in Wandavision has also appeared in Doctor Who at some point. As a series that can go anywhere and do anything, Doctor Who was a pioneer of marrying genres in new and interesting ways.

5. Bewitched (1964 - 1972) and I Dream of Jeannie (1965 - 1970)

It’s hard to pick one series over another because they’re essentially the same show. A mortal man falls in love with a magical girl who upends their lives with magic filled hijinks as they try their best not to have their secret discovered by the rest of the world. And both have their fingerprints all over the DNA of Wandavision.

There’s only two core differences; Samantha and Jeannie have completely different personalities, with Sam being confident and knowledgeable and Jeannie being naïve and oblivious, along with their relationships with their respective men, Sam and Darrin being married and in love at the start of the series and Jeannie chasing after Tony in the beginning in a will they/won’t they affair, finally only getting together in the last season.

6. The Munsters (1964 - 1966) vs The Adams Family (1964 - 1966)

Fans of these two shows are forever sadden that there never was a crossover between them. Because they’d fit perfectly together. Both shows are about a surreal and macabre family living in American suburbia and disrupting the lives of their neighbors with their otherworldly hijinks. Sound familiar?

The main difference between the two shows is the way the characters viewed their placement in the world they inhabit.

The Munsters were always oblivious to the fact that didn’t fit in. They just automatically assumed everyone had the same personal tastes as them. Whenever they encountered anyone who behaved strangely around them they would write that person off as being the odd one rather than questioning themselves. As such the main cast was structured like a stereotypical sitcom family who just happened to be classic movie monsters.

The Addams were well aware that they were abnormal and they loved it! They lived life with in their own little world and didn’t care what anyone thought of them. As such the characters were far more colorful and quirky as individuals but there was little in the way of refences to other horror franchises beyond just a general love of the twisted and strange.

7. Green Acres (1965 - 1971) and the Rual-verse (1962 - 1971)

So the MCU is not the first franchise to bring viewers an interconnected universe to the small screen. Far from it, as sitcoms had been doing this for decades, starting with the ‘rualverse’. Beverly Hillbillies, Petticoat Junction, and Green Acres were all produced by the same company and were treated as spinoffs of each other, complete with crossovers and shared characters and sets.

Of the three, the last show, Green Acres, has the most in common with Wandavision. A well to do businessman and his lovely socialite wife settle down in small town America on a farm in order to get away from the stresses of city life, only to find new stresses in the country. Eva Gabor, herself a natural Hungarian, plays the character of Lisa as Hungarian making her one of the few non-native born Americans on tv screens during the cold war. Despite her posh nature and original protests to the move, Lisa assimilates to the rural life far easier than her husband, Oliver. Who, as the main comedic thread, can’t comprehend his new quirky neighbors’ odd and often illogical behavior.

8. Hogan’s Heroes (1965 - 1971) and Get Smart (1965 - 1969)

So as comic fans have been quick to point out, it’s looking like both A.I.M. (Hydra) and Sword (Shield) will be players in the story of Wandavision. To commemorate that here’s two shows to represent those opposing sides. Although in truth, neither series has anything else in common with each other but I need to condense things down someway.

In Hydra’s corner we got Hogan’s Heroes. A show all about taking down Nazis from within.

I love, love, love, ‘robin hood’ comedies where a group of con artists try week after to week to pull one over the establishment. The Phil Silvers Show, Mchale's Navy, and Top Cat, just to name a few examples are all childhood favorites of mine. However while those shows had a lot of morally ambiguous characters, Hogan’s Heroes has very clear cut good guys and bad guys, cause the bad guys are Nazis and the show relentless makes fun of the third reich as should we all. In fact I was watching Hogan’s Heroes while waiting for the GA run off election results. Fortunately my home state decided to kick out our own brand of Nazis this year.

For Shield, we got the ultimate spy spoof, Get Smart. Starring, Inspector Gadget himself, Don Adams, as the bumbling Maxwell Smart. Get Smart, is a hilarious send up of Cold War espionage but the real selling point of the show, imho, is Max and his co-worker 99′s relationship. You can cut the sexual tension in the air with a knife all while laughing your ass off.

9. Batman (1966 - 1968)

First was Superman and then came Batman. Yet while Superman was a serious action show, Batman was a straight up comedy. Showcasing that superheroes could indeed be funny.

Also shout out for Batman being the only show on this list to have an actual crossover with it’s competitor, The Green Hornet.

10. Julia (1968 - 1971)

Since episode two features the first appearances of Herb and Monica, let’s highlight the first black led sitcom since the cancelation of Amos ‘n Andy over a decade earlier. The show focuses on single mother and military nurse, Julia, as she tries to live her life without her recently decease husband, who was killed in Vietnam, as she tries to raise their six year old son on her own.

The series is cute. It’s more of a throw back to earlier family sitcoms where there’s no fantasy and life lessons are the name of the game. It’s the fact that the main character is a single black woman is what made the show so subversive and important at the time.

Runner Ups

There’s much good stuff in the 60s, so here’s some others that didn’t make the cut but I would recommend anyways.

Car 54, Where Are You? (1961 - 1963)

I call this the Brooklynn 99 of the 1960s. Bumbling but well meaning Officer Toody longs to do good in the world and help anyone in need, but often screws things up with his ill thought out schemes. He often drags his best friend and partner, the competent but anxiety riddled, Muldoon into his escapades.

Mr. Ed (1961 - 1966)

The grandfather of the sarcastic talking pet trope.

The Jetsons (1962 - 1963 and 1985 - 1987)

Hanna-Barbera often took popular sitcoms and just repackaged them as cartoons with a fantasy theme to them. The Jetsons has no singular show that it rips-off but is rather more a grab bag of sitcom tropes that feature, robots, computers, and flying cars.

The Outer Limits (1963 - 1965)

The Outer Limits was The Twilight Zone’s biggest competitor in terms of being a sic-fi/horror anthology series.

Gillian’s Island (1964 - 1967)

The only comparison to WandaVision I could think of was that this is a sitcom about people being trapped in one place. But by that point I was running out of room on the list. Still it’s one of the funniest shows on here.

So yeah, this took longer than expected cause there’s a lot, here. Hopefully the 70s will be easier. Which I’ll post on Friday.

#wandavision #sitcoms #1960s #dick van dyke #bewitched

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whatsupmrstark · 3 years

Text

Bare

Peter parker x stark! Reader (aged up peter ofc)

Summary: a fun day at the compound leads to getting caught by your less than approving dad

warnings: smut with lots of plot have fun

Everyday felt like a never ending date. But in a good way.

You and peter have been together for a while, 10 months to be exact. And nobody knew, well nobody means the avengers your friends and... okay so everyone knows except your dad and happy but hey! Don’t judge the mans scary about his kid. Not that you were scared but more of Peters sake.

The affair started about a year ago, you hung out when he stayed at the compound. He was the only person there under the age of 30 and you two hit it off. Then days at the lab together and so on. You begged your dad to transfer you to midtown and after almost two months of begging and throwing tantrums he agreed, under the pretense you had all your classes with peter and we’ll that was just a bonus.

So then from there you kissed a kiss turned into kisses and dating and homecoming and now your here 10 months later cuddled up against him in the most not obvious way watching a movie with your dad and the rest of your family.

“Nat I swear to god your telling me you wouldn’t fuck him” Wanda whispers sneaking a peak at vision,making sure he hadn’t heard,before focusing back on the movie. You and peter hadn’t stopped your incessant tapping, yes you learned Morse code as an avenger study but you always put it to use in times like this.

He finished pressing out I love you to the skin on your back. A little smile played on your faces as you sat up more in your seat, “hey dad will you go get me more popcorn?” You looked down at him he was a row in front of you in the makeshift theater. And for a stark we all know what “makeshift” means he just nodded grabbing your bowl “Hey me too” Bucky laughed extending his arm to hand his bowl.

Hold up let me explain the seating.

In the front row was nat, Wanda, your dad, and Bruce all huddled together as the scary can and will kill you if they’re angry tier

Then middle row you on the end seat peter next to you and Bucky and Steve on his other side -the soft kid at heart tier

And the third row had vision, Sam and Thor the undecided, we got in to late to pick a good spot tier?

Tony enjoyed culturally enriching the group of misfits and had on a Risky business and sandlot marathon. Right now your halfway through sandlot and halfway through your pantience to go the fuck to bed.

Leaning over into Peters ear you whispered “can you sleep in my room tonight?” He nodded before turning to whisper back “how am I gonna do that, what if mr. stark comes in” you rolled your eyes and kissed him softly, you guys weren’t fans of pda but it was just a peck

“He won’t just come by after everyone’s sleep and I’ll lock the door” it was a good enough answer because he nodded before turning back to the movie just as tony came down the isle handing you both bowls of popcorn, hot buttery and fresh just how you liked it.

By the time the movie ended it was almost 12 and everyone was off to sleep, except tony, he headed down to the lab to work on something and you headed off to take a shower.

Post shower and ready to drag yourself into bed you looked up at the ceiling fighting sleep when you heard your door creak, Peters eyes darting around the dark room till they landed on your stiff body “hey are you awake” you nodded stupidly “yeah I’m up” you twisted around in the sheets, scooting over so he could have get half the bed, “is my dad asleep?”

He just shrugged as he climbed into the bed “Friday where’s tony” you asked aloud, one of your favorite parts of the new update was tracking where you all were in the compound. “Mr.stark is in suite” you just shook your head a little “safe and clear” peter sighed resting into the bed comfortablely, “I can’t believe you own Spider-Man pants” you giggle looking at him Choice of pajamas

You two talked for a while about nothing and everything as you usually did, you fell asleep and peter just watched for a while, you’re tense expression dwindle away drooling on his chest as you curled up tighter against him. It wasn’t long until sleep over came him and he too slept long and hard.

When you woke up, you rushed peter out and back to his room stealing kisses and feeling the adrenaline of doing what you’re not supposed to.

And this continued for a week, a full week of blissful domestic sleeping, the best sleep of your life. Cuddled into your boyfriends body and completely aware of your maybe consequences.

Friday night you sat around the dinner table. “Not for you to take this the wrong way but when is May getting back peter?” Sams question has everyone’s eyes on the two of you, trying to his the fact your holding hands under the table “she’s supposed to get back Monday-I’m excited I haven’t seen her in forever” Sam just nodded to the answer going back to his mash potatoes.

After dinner you all gathered in the living room to play some games laughing and fights and boards flipping halfway through a game of life. “Yknow Thor maybe you should have six sets of twins” everyone laughed at the joke seeing his two cars trailing behind another. “Haha, you and peter are probably the only ones here who will have kids” Wanda blurted and you wanted to dissolve. Of course tony hadn’t taken that the wrong way but everyone kinda shut up. The game ended with vision being victorious and everyone went their separate ways.

Peter was the next to slip up, on Saturday night you were doing what you usually did, watching a horrible reality show on Netflix about nothing but sex and bikinis and girls with awful fake tans. Bucky, who luckily always found a way to spend time with you on saturdays, was really invested though he’d never admit. “I really really thought brad and Angela were gonna get together by the end of that episode” you laughed at his commentary.

Bucky was sitting criss cross on the floor between your legs as you sat on the couch “Bucky I swear your hairs gonna look.. fantastic” you chuckled as you braided another section “are you sure you don’t want Rasta beads on the front” he scoffed eyes still trained on the tv in front of him “no sam would laugh at me and Steve would probably make me take them out” you leaned to the side and forward to look at him smirking and continuing with trained hands at the clusterfuck of braids in his hair

“I think when you take these out your hairs gonna be like beach wavy” taking a comb and brushing out another section “like micheals hair?” You sometimes forget he’s not up to date on all the technical girl stuff “yeah micheals hair makes him like 10 times hotter”

“Who’s hot?” You practically jumped out your skin, Bucky got startled and went into defense “Peter what the fuck, you don’t sneak up on people like that!” You slung an arm over the back of the couch to hit him but he just laughed and swung over to sit next to you. “Another trash reality show marathon” he laughed as he watched the show along with you.

As more time passed you stopped paying attention to peter, when you finished buckys hair you leaned back and curled into the blanket. Watching peter now, he never really got into these show like you and Bucky, you didn’t even get into these shows like Bucky.

And then you felt the little pang of jealousy you got when a girl tried something with peter, he was obviously always uninterested in anyone but you. “Did you just look at her ass?” Peter broke his gaze from the tv and fixated on you “what?” Buckys eyes left the tv too looking between the two of you on the couch opposite to him, mouth full of frosted mini wheats straight from the box.

“You totally just checked that new contestant out, stared at her ass!” He laughed and the got serious once he realized you werent joking. “Babe.. you’re kidding right?.. I really didn’t even look and–“

“What’s all this babe stuff peter” both of you stopped shellshock and turning your heads to look at your dad fridge open as he rooted through it “it’s- uh.. yeah- hey mr. stark” you wanted to laugh and piss yourself at the same time.

“It’s some new slang stuff tony, Yknow how the kids are today” Bucky covered for you as he got up to put his Wheaties away “I’m gonna head to bed kid don’t watch it without me” he winked as he turned around shooting finger guns at tony- “goodnight buck” you all chimed at the same time

“Jinx”

“Double jinx”

“Triple jinx” you all harmonized like a well oiled machine, your dad let out a deep chuckle as he stirred his fresh coffee

“Okay cut it out, since you don’t look busy why not come help me in the lab kid” you both looked up excited and tony looked at you a little sad, “we can work on your new suit” you just let your smile fade and nodded

You three walked down the hall together in complete silence “so dad, this is like the seventh?- seventh right peter?- super spidey suit and I’ve yet to see mark one of iron girl” peter nodded to your predictions statement and tony just rubbed his temple as he picked up the speed and hurried to the lab peter going too. You stopped at your bedroom door “I’m still gonna be asking for it in the morning” you shouted at them and tony just looked at you down the hall smiling at his little girl.

You stopped at struck a quick pose “I am iron man” you mocked his voice, you could see the skin around his eyes crinkle when he laughed just as the elevator door shut them from view. And you headed into your room.

Not a few hours later peter snuck into your room, you paused the movie you were watching and looked at him as he slumped into your bed half sleep already “Yknow I had to call your dad babe for the past 3 hours because he didn’t believe it was slang”

“Hey you’re the one slipping up not me- and god please never call me babe again I already am my father” he chuckled against the pillow his face was smushed in “cmere baby I wanna cuddle” you rolled your eyes and clicked off your tv “Peter any form of babe- not even bae- is acceptable anymore, get creative”

Then came Sunday- the day known to be wasted away worrying about everything you have to do and getting none of it done.

Soon after checking if tony was in his suite you texted peter

You:Come over peter

Peter parker:The last time you texted me that... 😏

you:Just get your ass over here I want to cuddle

You didn’t hear him till your door pushed open and he came into the room. He sauntered over and kissed you. “Hey” he smiled pulling away “hi” , “so what do you wanna do tonight” he asked sitting on the edge of your bed.

You pulled your legs into a cross cross position sitting up against the headboard, “I don’t know, wanna make out?” He just smiled at the brashness murmuring a soft ‘yeah’ as he climbed foreword kissing you. Soft kisses turning into strong ones and you were laid down peter over top of you savoring every second.

“Y/n..” before the words left his lips you’d already felt his hard on press on your thigh for a second. “Are you okay if we..” you asked, usually when you guys did it it was at Peters house and this was new territory.

Peters eyes locked with yours, your peaceful demeanor soothed his anxietied state. He started kissing you again grinding against you this time. Your hands that were draped around his neck ran through his hair finding purchase on the back of his head. You loved being close to him just as much as he did you. The heavy weight of his body against yours made you relax, you felt safe.

Your kiss moved to his neck sucking a small bright red spot that’d be gone by morning you tapped at his side to turn over and you two did just that, resting on his abdomen before scooting down, kissing at his collar bones that peaked beneath the shirt.

You tugged at the top, pulling it up and over his head before just scooting it off the bed. “As much as I’ve seen you peter, I miss you so much” he had the most blissful look in his face. Completely content. Lips a bright shade of pink tucked into a smile. You went back to kissing all down his chest admiring every part of your boyfriend.

“I love you” you smiled and pick your head up to look at him “you what?” He never wanted to pull you down on top of him more “you heard me”

“I love you more peter” you punctuated the statement pulling your sleep shirt over your head. “Can I-“ you gestured to his shorts tucking your index fingers into the waistband of his boxers “yeah” his throaty response stung at your ears.

You pulled both the offending items of clothing off his hard cock sprang up and rested back against his abdomen while you dropped the clothes off the bed. Hands landing on his thighs, gently patting and rubbing the muscular legs you adored.

You pressed down on him leaning forward to kiss him before going back down hand wrapping around him, his head fell back on the pillow already. You pumped him slowly kissing at his v line admiring your work as Peters breath shortened.

You licked your lips before wrapping them around the tip, sucking slowly, tongue twirling over his slit tasting his oozing Precum leisurely taking more of him into your mouth. “Fuck, y/n” Peters hand slipped into your hair. He wasn’t a head pusher but he liked to rest his hand and feel your movements, something to ground him and not get lost in his senses.

You kept bobbing he let out faint noises of moans. “Y/n I can’t be quiet you know that” voice strained and quiet

You lifted off him, a bit of spit had dribbled out your mouth, a slick string of mixed bodily fluids attached you to him. “Hey, FRIDAY put on sound control. Block the whole room out” you spoke fast. “Yes miss stark” the response made you happy.

“What the frick is that” you looked at him massaging his thighs again before stroking his cock. “We had to add an update because I play music too loud for people to sleep. It’s just in my room” you smiled at him and he gracefully laid back to his resting position

You returned to your previous activity’s sucking harder. He didn’t hold back letting out all the beautiful sounds he knew you loved to hear. “That’s it baby” hands returning to your hair as his hips threatened To jut out. You took a hand down petting and rubbing his balls coaxing his first orgasm out.

Peter groaned hard, not expecting to cum so quickly his hot load shooting in your mouth, swallowing quickly and pumping him through his high. Scooching up to rest above him he pulled you into a heated kiss, stomach hot and body aching, wishing to be touched. He pushed at your shorts sliding them down your thighs as much a he could. You lifted one knee at a time trying to get the clothing off. Somewhere in that your tits ended up in his face as he watched you struggle “babe” he chuckled watching you wiggle around in attempt to remove your clothes.

You looked up at his face, he was smiling tenderly post laugh and you just gave up sitting down on your bottom to pull them off your ankles, taking the time to take off your underwear. “I could’ve helped” he fake pouted running a hand from your calf to your knee then up to your thigh as he moved over top of you.

Peter kissed your neck giving warm wet kisses down your chest. He flicked at your nipples before wrapping his lips around one sucking generously eliciting vague sounds of pleasure from your mouth. Your legs wrapped around his mid section, Peters body slotted perfect in the space between your legs. You leaned your head back bumping into the headboard as his tongue swirled and lapped at the bud “ow” hands slipping to hold the spot.

He pulled away fast “are you okay?” Full of concern “yea yea just keep going” you burned in embarrassment as he smiled back, nothing ever seemed to go as smoothly and as sexily as you imagined. Peter leaned back down sucking the other abandoned peak into his mouth, he picked up on the tongue swirl you’d done to him earlier. Caressing at your hip, you looked down seeing his back muscles flex in the dim light coming through your window. “God you’re so sexy” words slipping past your lips in pleasure.

You could feel the smile against your chest as he continued hand sliding between your body’s to your aching core, nimble fingers dancing in all the right places to make you sweat. “Peter” the soft moan of his name had him jumping. Finally letting his fingers glide though your folds, wet and eager.

His head descended kissing down your stomach before placing soft kisses across your hips, legs parting when his three middle fingers rubbed at your clit, fluid and steady movement supplying just the right amount of gratification to leave you dizzy.

Your hips raised involuntary, one of his hands come up to push you back down.

He pulled his fingers away from you, a soft whimper at the loss of the stimulation he provided. “Peter-“ you’re voice was hoarse and whiny as you looked at him so badly wanting him to do something,anything.

“Peter please just fuck me” you could feel the air that left his mouth hit your thigh when he let out a chuckle, your body was hot all over and all you wanted was him. Peter craned over you kissing you more his knee coming between your thighs as you went to shut them.

When you two parted you leaned over to get a condom turning back to peter, sitting on his haunches between your parted legs, his hand wrapped around his cock as you opened the foil packet.

Almost as soon as you’d discarded the packet peter had the condom on and pulled you back to the bed kissing down your neck and shoulder “I love you y/n” hot messy words as he kissed your knuckles fingers interlocking as he held your hand.

You looked down between you two taking the one free hand you had to guide him in, sighs of practical relief left both of you as he slowly sunk in. Your free hand is just now as interlocked as the other, the back of your hands pressed into the sheets Peters nails digging into the fabric below as he started to move his hips.

He groaned so softly “fuck” he kept the slow pace he’d started, wanting you to fully adjust. “Please go faster” your breathy voice that theatened to moan was enough for him to increase his pace. Both your breathing and the sound of you bed creaking filled your ears.

Your legs wrapped around his hips, a loud moan left your lips as he hit the spot he’d been looking for adjusting to hit it with every thrust. Peters lips felt warm and wet when he bit on your shoulder removing a hand from your grasp to hike your leg up. “Fuck you’re so tight” he sounded breathless.

You bit your lip “let me ride you” he continued thrusting and then stopped abruptly “and it’s not even my birthday?” He smiled coyly pulling out as you two switched positions, Peters hands reaching out and greedily grabbing your thighs. You flipped your hair around getting it out your face grabbing onto his shoulders and raising your hips off his lap as he helped himself running his tip along your slit the rubber glistened even more “go ahead sit on it like a good girl” if you weren’t so ready to cum you’d have blushed but he knew just how to egg you on.

Lowering down onto him felt like being impaled in the best way possible “fuck” starting with a grinding motion and starting to rock up and down, the bed squeaking even louder. Peter brought his hand down to rub your clit, going over in a back and forth motion, your hips bucked up to him and a loud moan ripped through you “fuck peter don’t stop” he knew just how to bring you to the edge.

You bounced faster on him his fingers working magic “peter- fuck I’m so close- can I please cum?” He nodded one hand on your waist to help guide you “cum on my cock baby” you whimpered at his words before cumming hard around him clenching down and eyes rolling back “holy shit” you breathed out against the skin of his neck as you his in the crook, body slumped and leaned forward. He was still hard and ready inside you “use me Pete” you whispered in his ear kissing his sweet spot.

Peters hands ventured at your waist rubbing the skin before he grabbed handfuls if you hips his fingers dug into the skin of your ass as he gripped hard, picking your body up and moving you up and down him- god what his super strength could do “who’s is this huh?” He asked as you pulled your head out of hiding moaning a ‘yours’ as he moved your body all on his own. power and Dominance in every movement

You were a mess- your cum coated his cock as it pulled against your sensitive walls “pete- I cant just-“ you whimpered out as he just dropped you down on himself over and over. the sound of you body colliding back with his rang in your ears and you bit your lip to hold back a moan “cmere baby” Peter thumb cradled your chin as he pulled you in for a wet hot kiss, you’re eyes felt sewn shut you were breathing heavily through your nose as you let him in swallowing his groan as he thrusted up slowly the short quick movements seem to hit ever spot you could imagine in such little time “peter let’s- holy fuck- let’s switch” you pulled off his face and he nodded, hand firm gripping himself to pull out and flip you two over.

His warm hands held on to the expanse of your back before just tipping you straight off his lap onto your back, instead of into your pillows you now looked up and seen your footboard as peter smiled down at you before kissing your neck, soft wet open mouth kisses full of every tender moment his actions might have lacked.

Your hands came down around his neck one dancing across the tender skin from your previous attacks, the other gliding through his hair and grabbing at the bit on the nape of his neck- “Peter” you moaned breathlessly

Peters hands had found its ways to your thighs as he kneeled over your body. Fingers leaving impressions from grabbing at you. He sounded just as breathless as he pulled off you admiring the mark he left- soft red and swollen soon to be dark and purple. He lifted your legs and moved you around, adjusting to an easier position.

“Tell me you want it- tell me you want me as much as I want you” his face was red and hot, he still looked so soft and nice sittting above you “fuck- peter I want you” you grabbed his hand lacing your fingers just as he did before. He moved his hips easily finding his place sliding in so perfectly “it’s like you were made for me”groaning he commented. the silence that surrounded you both felt so comforting and empty- filled by every noise made in the room. The light bed rocking, gasps and groans as he quickened- the skin on skin contact decimating into a tune you’d hum the next day.

As he moved longer and stronger he let go of your hand pushing his into the bed propping himself up as he rocked into you. Your legs wrapped around his pert ass, his toes digging deep to keep traction on the soft sheet. “Fuck y/n” he breathed through gritted teeth

“Peter I’m so close- are you with me”

He nodded biting his lip, looking down to where you wrapped around him so perfectly “I’m right behind you”

He let the consistency of his movement out the window, he was hitting deep and hard and fast. “Peter-“ you grabbed his bicep “cum in me” he locked eyes with you if he wasn’t so caught up in making the two of you finish he would have had a kid in a candy store expression. Instead he quickly pulled out taking the condom off and sinking back in, soaking in the feeling of his bare cock in you, everything he’d imagined and more. But he could barely ground himself at the moment he had to focus on the rough feeling of raw knees pressing into mattress.

Everywhere you touched left fire, every noise you made sounded like birds chirping on a Sunday morning, everytime he looking at your face eyes shut in pleasure holding your self back, waiting for him.

It was all too much “y/n— holy shit— I’m gonna cum” he moaned hips twitching and eyes rolling as he came feeling the relief of the tension in his stomach as his coil snapped. Jutting in and out a few times relishing in the feeling of you, hot, wet, messy and tight. Feeling you pulsate after you came.

He collapsed on top of you, dick buried deep, chests heaving against one another, your legs wrapped right around him. You could hear him swallow deep in his throat as he let out another deep breath. “Holy shit best one yet” he groaned feeling your chuckle vibrate against his ribs. You ran idle hands through his hair, regaining from your own orgasm.

You two sat like this for a minute until he got enough and pulled away “god damn” he muttered just enough under his breath to not be heard. Pulling out slowly not wanting to go, admiring everything he’d been able to do. “I feel sticky” you locked eyes as you both looked down

“I can’t believe you let me do that” he fell over next to you on the bed, you scooted over to give him more room. “You deserve it, plus I’m on birth control now”

“Your what!?” He smiled and practically giggled picking his head up to look at you.

You just nodded “I said I had cramps” you elaborated. He just kept breathing an arm sneaking down to play with your hand “we should tell them”

You sat up looking down at him “if we tell we can’t do things like this” you frowned

“Am I just a secret to you?” He didn’t sound accusing, he sounded sad.

Pity and guilt filled your chest. “It’s not like that and you know it- I just wanna-“ you readjusted your searing and looked him in the eyes

“Stealing moments like these make it worth it for me, but tommorow I’ll shout from the rooftops I’m in love with peter Benjamin parker, dad be damned”

“Dad be damned” he chanted, bright toothy smile in place

“Scream it now, sound proof and all” he gestured around the room

You shut your eyes and shook your head,

“IM IN LOVE WITH PETER PARKER” you shouted

“Cmere let’s get you cleaned up” peter groaned, sitting up and taking you with him on his way off the bed

Afterwords you two laid in bed “do you know what time it is” you mumbled against his side as you curled up against him

“Snack time?, please I want grapes” Peter brushed some hair out of your face as you groaned

“I don’t think I can get up I’m so tired” you looked up with a pout sitting up onto your forearms, cradling your head. “... but if you give me a piggy back ride” you smiled and he leaned in kissing your forehead, soft lips pressed against the sweat soaked skin.

“Deal.. but I want one on the way back”

You immediately furrowed your brows and he chuckled “I’m kidding, I’m kidding... unless”

“Shut up” you laughed at him leaning off the bed to pick up the discarded clothes from earlier. Tossing his shirt and shorts over and sitting up to put on your shirt the two of you got up

You piggy backed all the way to the kitchen, being as quiet as you could.

It was complete silence, you could hear the flick of the light switch, overhead lights shutting on and illuminating the common area.

“Do you think Sam ate all my grapes?, I swear to god I’m this close to making tony call a meeting” he turned to like at you as you jumped onto the counter just shrugging.

When the fridge door opened it lit up his face, the led glow compared to the light created by Tony’s green initiative was nothing.

“And what would the queen of stark industry, miss y/n stark like to snack?” He joked with you turning and flashing an award winning smile

You shrugged hopping up to open a cabinet. You found the worst best snack In the world. The peanut butter and jelly two in one and a spoon. Breakfast of champions.

Peter watched you crack the jar open leaning against the island and popping a grape in his mouth. “I don’t know how you eat that” he laughed “I mean how psycho do you have to be to eat a pb&j minus the bread” you rolled your eyes “for one- it is good- your just a baby about trying new things and two— did you just call me psycho?” You hopped back into your place on the counter watching him with murder eyes as he flushed with color. “I kid” he shrugged.

You two giggled and talked. eventually you closed the lid on your jar and he zipped the packaging of him grapes and you were on his back once more.

You immediately fell into bed shrugging off your shirt “were still cuddling I hope you know” you looked at peter as he took of his shirt and shorts. He met your eyeline a little smile on his face “and who am I to deny you cuddles?” He joked around before falling immediately silent. You had lifted your hips and slid your underwear off under the covers, thinking nothing too much of it before just throwing them on the ground.

But peter couldn’t help but feel a slight excitement. He never really said anything but he like the idea of the two of you sleeping naked. He doesn’t really know why. So he just went over the foot of your bed, adjusting into his spot on your bed. you flipped to be facing him just as he threw his boxers across the room. “You’re a mess peter” you mumbled scooching in closer to him, holding him across the abdomen and laying your head flat on his chest.

Peter liked the feeling of your skin against his, it was soothing almost therapeutic. You were quick to sleep so he just laid there in the dark playing with your hair and listing to your breathing. It wasn’t much longer till he too fell asleep.

—

Early bird gets the worm was Steve’s thing. And apparently he thought the best course of action was shock. So he started with tony.

It took him a while but he eventually got tony to wake from his sleep. “What the hell are you doing Rogers”

Steven would just plaster on a bright smile “up and at em tony we’ve got big plans today” of course your father just grumbled and tried to turn back over. After a few minutes of Steve poking him he huffed and got out of bed.

Then they even to Bucky. Steve has this one down pack. Growing up the only way nicks mom could get him up on time was.... a wet willie. As much as Steve hated to pull this card he was more excited to have a productive day with the team. Something they haven’t had in a while

With Bucky awake they divided and conquered. Wanda, vision, Sam, Clint, thor, and Bruce were all quick wakes.

Now all nine of them stood outside of Natasha’s door. “I’m not doing it” Sam spoke up. An immediate uproar of ‘not it’ fell from the group. Steve eventually sighed and took the job of waking her up. Much to his surprise she was already up and in workout clothes. “Morning” she addressed Steve as he entered her room seeing the small flock of avengers .who were watching like this was the next best thing, scatter in the hallway.

Then that left you and peter.

It was bright early and seven am when you woke up with peter laying almost across your body. You had to push with a bit too much strength to get up, head groggy and eyes fuzzy.

upon standing You immediately felt the tingle between your legs that , from last experience, would go away to a dull ache in a hour or so. Hobbling into the bathroom you peed, washing your hands and splashing cold water against your warm skin. You had picked up your toothbrush when you heard footsteps of impending doom coming down the hall. “Oh no- oh shit” you mumbled dropping your toothbrush on the counter. Just as you got out the bathroom taking a side glance to peter who was passed out with the sheets and blankets pushed down his naked body past his thighs, only the knee down covered. “Peter” you whisper screamed. He stayed plum asleep no wiser to the world around him as you scrambled to find a shirt- any shirt- which happened to be Peters.

The soft knock on your door made you heart rate pick up. Peter twisted his head to the side but didn’t even wake up a little. “Y/n” you heard your dads voice. You almost shit yourself when the door handle moved. You looked at the lock in pure horror in the split second between the handle twisting and the door opening.

Peter forgot to lock the door after getting a snack. Peter forgot to lock the door. Your dad is coming through that door. Peter is completely asleep. Peter is completely asleep completely naked and completely exposed.

Fuck

You could hear tony shush all the avengers just as the door cracked open. He assumed you were asleep it being so early and all. When he opened the door and saw you, you froze in place. “Good you’re already up” Steve spoke up behind him.

At the same time Bucky Sam and nat rushed down the hall “peter isn’t in his room. Where could he be?”

Your eyes flashed quickly between your entire family standing in your doorway. Down to your fathers koala slippers and then up to his eyes, bright and cheery despite the obvious exhaustion he hid so well. By now his eyes had a chance to give you a one over. You were flushed and looked jittery and nervous. Then his eyes hit your bed.

And all hell broke loose.

“WHAT THE FUCK”

That one woke peter up.

“Dad” you tried to keep your voice calm

Peter frantically pulled the sheet up then the blanket all the way to his neck.

“UH— Mr.Stark I-Um fuck” he swallowed hard. His stomach was in his throat and he felt increasingly more uncomfy as the other avengers watched from the door.

Tony clasped his hands together and took a deep breath “peter I’m gonna ask this one time- and I don’t want you to lie” he spoke pointing his finger at him barely wanting to open his eyes after the sight he just had to absorb.

“Yes sir- mr. stark- sir” you had to close you eyes and shake your head. Peter was his mentee and, hell if you didn’t know any better you’d think your dad liked peter more, the most peter would get is a slap on the wrist and be on with it.

But here was peter parker acting like your dad would blast him down in the next ten seconds if he misspoke. “Okay-okay- why IN THE HELL are you NAKED in MY daughters bed?” Tony finally looked at the boys face. He was covered in a shade of red he’d never seen.

“Dad” tony whipped his head to you almost having forgotten you were right there. “You’re not speaking for him” he turned attention back to flustered, scared shitless, bare naked peter. “If I have to ask again, what the fuck is going on peter- for the love of god just say it”

“I’m in love with your daughter” peter whispered. You smiled and I love you too wasn’t practical in this situation but you mouthed it to him anyway.

Tony let out the deepest most exhausted sigh you’ve heard leave him in years and just shook his head “I can’t deal nor process this right now. So I’m going to go to my room and take a nap and I want to see you both as soon as I’m up” he turned and pushed past the rest of the power rangers to get out mumbling things under his breath your glad you couldn’t understand.

You turned and looked at nat who was hitting Sam who was trying not to laugh. “But mr.stark I’m in love with her” he mocked Peters voice. And you rolled your eyes. “I have no words” you looked him dead in the eyes. “And if you pick on peter about this again I’ll tell my dad you knew the whole time” Sam shut up quick and you slammed your door shut.

Peter let out a sight of relief sitting up in your bed. “Holy shit y/n tony knows”

You got into the bed handing him his boxers. “I couldn’t even care less right now I need another four hours sleep”

Peter laughed and curled up into a cuddle with you. “You’re just like your fucking dad”

#Tom Holland #Peter Parker #Peter Parker smut #Tom Holland smut #avengers #stark!reader

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kashimos-hajime · 4 years

Text

dear... whoever | b.b.

summary: a mandated series of long and short diary entries from the new head of R&D for Stark Industries.

WARNINGS: swearing, LOTS of fluff, mentions of drinking and sex and hospitals and guns, general fun and witty attitude, small angst, big jealousy, obviously au after civil war. everything after does not exist. pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader word count: 9.5k

a/n: written for @softbiker and 100% inspired by @sunmoonandbucky with the format. my prompt was let me love you by rita ora and i wrote it from the perspective the singer is singing it to rather than the actual singer. this was super fun to write. enjoy!

July 31/20

Dear…

Whoever is going to read this. So… me, in the future probably. So, it should be dear WHOMever, I think, but it sounds wrong.

Is it too cliché to say dear diary? I don’t know. After all, I don’t WANT to be writing this but unfortunately I am because it’s mandated. Apparently, the psychiatrist that works for Stark Industries thinks it’s necessary that I write down my feelings and show that I’ve adjusted to working part-time superhero, full-time head of Tony’s stupid R&D department.

Something about how that much stress can cause psychotic fractures in the worst case scenario.

Cute.

Anyway, I don’t know what to write. Currently, it’s 4:23AM. The only reason I’m awake is because I have trouble sleeping on the best night. I heard Barnes messing about and because I am the Hermit of the Rec Room Couch (catchy, I know), I can hear him just walking about.

What the hell is he even doing?

To be honest, I’ve never talked to Barnes besides the occasional greetings because he’s the sort to keep to himself, I guess, and, valid. I’m not saying it’s not, considering his history, but you know.

I think I’m a friendly person, and I’m bored. He’s eventually going to hear me writing noisily because of super-soldier hearing or whatever, so I might just get up and introduce myself.

Not that I’ve been working here for years, but whatever.

I’m really bored and hungry, honestly, so a trip to the kitchen would be considered normal (and warranted) in such circumstances.

Fuck it.

Time to make a new friend or die trying. If you never hear from me again, you’ll know why.

Aug. 1/20

Dear Jane,

I finally got the time to write in here and you may be wondering why I have named you. Well, after the conversation at roughly 4:30 AM, here are things that’ve changed in a disorganized list. None is more important than the other. I'm just writing what comes to my head.

One: Barnes said he doesn’t really let anyone call him James. I called him James once because I forgot. Profuse apologies followed. He said it was okay and didn’t mind me calling him that. Now, in my mind, I think he’s just saying this to be polite and really just wants me to call him Bucky but he seemed sincere. We’ll see how it goes.

Two: Barnes was awake because his cat woke him up. I didn’t even know he had a cat but it’s a gorgeous white cat named Alpine that Barnes carries around in his half-zipped up hoodies sometimes. It’s adorable. He’s super soft and friendly and I love him already. He showed me all the tricks Alpine could do. Amazing.

Three: Barnes’ favourite movie is the Godfather. Totally surprising there. Please tell me you understand sarcasm.

Four: He said he liked the name Jane when I told him what I was doing up and also in the rec room (couldn’t sleep, writing in my diary) and that I didn’t want to say “Dear diary”

“Why don’t you just give it a name?” he eloquently suggested and Jane was his answer to my question of “Which name?”

Five: Barnes, or James, I guess he is now, is my friend.

Six: We said we’d meet up at 4:30AM or earlier again because I told him I wanted to show him my s’mores dip recipe.

Seven: Wish me luck. Hope I don’t get murdered.

Eight: I think I might be in love with him.

Bye.

Aug. 5/20

Dear Jane,

In an effort to summarize what has happened in the past four days, I will open with the fact that James Buchana Barnes is the cutest motherfucker on the planet. He’s super old fashioned, but that’s a given. He opens the doors for me, offers to take my bags up, and in the past four days, we’ve met up at around midnight to just eat and chat. Then he walks me back to my room with a glass of water and I’m left fanning myself because it’s so sweet and he’s so sweet and OH, MY GOD, I am a child.

This feels like a crush. Like, butterflies in my stomach, self-conscious every time he looks at me, can’t stop staring, and wanting to impress him at every turn sort of crush.

AKA, a middle-school crush and I feel completely ridiculous but that is besides the point because he’s just the loveliest person.

Someone should tell him chivalry is dead. Steve thinks he’s just being sweet on me, and Sam says I should flash some ass just to get a rise out of him which would be funny. He’d look absolutely adorable blushing his head off.

We’ll see. I am considering it.

What else happened? I’m drawing a huge blank.

As explained in a previous entry, I was to show Barnes my s’mores dip recipe. Huge success. Crowd loved it. That’s how I learned he has a huge sweet tooth like me. Got an email from Pep about a board meeting which I ignored. If it’s really important, she’ll see me in person. Went swimming with Sam. We started planning Tony’s big Christmas party even though that’s MONTHS away.

But, you know. We’re so busy all the time, it might be worth it planning ahead.

As head of R&D, it’s vital to me that this goes well because they’re fun when they do go well, and a chaotic disaster when they don’t. Also, I have to find a date but details will follow.

I think that’s it.

If there’s more to follow, then I’ll just come back but there really isn’t.

Oh, Alpine found my room. He’s in here right now and he snores. It’s cute, just like his owner.

Okay, goodnight.

Aug. 7/20

Dear Jane,

Sam, James, and I went swimming.

Pro of the day: James is ripped and that man was GLISTENING.

Con of the day: I AM STUPID in front of hot ripped men.

Pro of the day: We got ice cream together. Strawberry for me, mango for James because he wants to try new flavours, and Sam ordered some monstrosity with vanilla ice cream, chocolate and raspberry syrups, and a bunch of banana slices. A swirl of whipped cream to finish it off. It looked like diabetes in a cup and that’s coming from me.

Con of the day: James used his thumb to wipe the ice cream off my lip and my brain short-circuited. Sam teased us about it, but James very stubbornly and convincingly said we’re just friends.

Con of the day x2: We are just friends and that is NOT going to change. I cannot explain how much my heart literally fell out of my body in disappointment.

God, and James and I are meeting up at 2AM tonight so he can show me this new stupid stuffed celerey recipe he learned.

It’s not stupid.

It’s really, REALLY cute he researched it.

This sucks.

Aug. 11/20

The worst day ever. I don’t want to talk about it but might as well make a note on it. More on it later, I guess.

Aug. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry, I’m dramatic. Must get it from working with Tony for so many years.

Let’s just review what occurred on August 11, 2020, at approximately 3:23 in the afternoon.

I learned that James went out on a date. A DATE. From SAM. When James had ample opportunity to tell me at our regular meeting at witching hour over celery sticks.

EXCUSE ME? WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

I’m not even mad. I’m just angry that the man I became friends with only 2 weeks ago and caught feelings immediately for is seeing other people.

I sound like a raging bitch. I promise you, Jane, that I am not. I’m just the insanely jealous type.

No, I’m not.

God, what is happening to me and why does it have to be James.

I never get crushes and the instant I do, it’s for the most emotionally and physically unavailable person ON EARTH.

Also, work was work. I was distracted, drank soup from the canteen, and generally accomplished nothing. Alpine came for some snuggles while James was out. That’s the only good thing.

Thanks, universe.

Aug. 16/20

Dear Jane,

So, I brought up this mystery lady over homemade sundaes.

James seems pretty serious about her because he a) apologized for not telling because he wanted to keep it private and asked me not to tell anyone and b) has a second date with her later today.

Oh, GOD. There is no point to this.

Aug. 19/20

Dear Jane,

What’s the point of asking someone intimate, personal questions if not because you guys are best friends?

James called me his best friend today. He says he knows me, but if he did, he’d know I feel like throwing up whenever he’s around and that his stare burns through every layer of clothing until I feel like he just knows my secret.

I told him we’ve known each other less than a month, but he said something stupidly charming about “intuition” and feeling and that this feels right and how he knows he can tell me anything and that I was an easy person to talk to.

I should’ve been a shrink.

At least, my trip to Wakanda is going to give me distance. A solid two months of no one else but me, tech, and new faces. Going there to collaborate with Shuri is definitely exciting and taking up more space in my brain than James these days.

Maybe I’ll fall in love with some soldier over there because apparently, I’m catching feelings willy-nilly these days.

See you on the plane, Jane.

Aug. 23/20

Dear Jane,

On the quinjet, it’s fairly quiet. It’s one of the things I love about it. The silent yet soft engines that can lull me to sleep. We should be arriving in a few hours so I thought I’d write. I’m getting the hang of this, I think.

There's a press conference later, too, in the trip with the UN and it’s not that I can’t handle it, but that I could’ve done this in my sleep and wished Tony sent someone else. I hate the press, not gonna lie.

Anyway, this gives me time to be introspective.

Is it just me or James always Okay, is it just my imagination that whenever I try to get close to James, he just kinda pulls away? Not in a romantic way. I’m not stealing anyone’s man because girl code, but he won’t even let me just stand near him anymore. It’s like I have an infectious disease only transmitted through physical contact and it’s just weird.

I don’t know.

Before I left, he said he’d miss me and that we should keep in touch through calls (Obviously, I would) and that he hopes I won’t forget him.

So, you say those things but you won’t even let me even hug you?

You’re a manipulative asshole, Barnes.

Oct. 20/20

Dear Jane,

I am so sorry that it has taken so long for us to reunite.

In hindsight, I’m a fucking idiot.

I left you on the quinjet which went back to New York and a different quinjet came to pick me up. I came back like two days ago so these past few days have been spent searching for you.

James offered to help, and he seems normal again.

Weird. Guess he was just in a mood with the new girlfriend and adjusting to having me as a friend, too. Guys go through that, I guess.

In Wakanda, I did not, in fact, fall in love with a soldier or anything. I curse every day that I didn’t, trust me. I’m just as disappointed as you are because I just want to get over this stupid crush. For the two months I was gone, it was like I didn’t like James at all like that. Even during calls, I could pretend we were just two teammates keeping each other in the loop. He talked about his girlfriend, I listened, I explained science because he’s a nerd, and he asked questions like he was interested.

It was FINE.

Then, he was waiting for me when I came back to NYC and it slammed into me like Bruce in Hulk-mode.

James asked if I wanted to meet his girlfriend because she’d be coming around for the Halloween party anyway, and he thinks we’ll get along swimmingly.

He really said swimmingly. He is stuck in the wrong era, but we all knew that.

I said yes, to be polite.

Here’s to hoping she’s a vindictive bitch and I am justified in hating her entire being.

Oct. 22/20

Dear Jane,

I met her. She’s small and pretty and mature and normal.

If I wasn’t stupidly in my feelings about James, I’d love her, too.

She’d treat him right, give him a good home to come back to.

Best not to notice the people fighting beside you in that way, I guess.

Oct. 25/20

Dear Jane,

God is dead and NO ONE has eyes on the road.

Jesus isn’t even taking the wheel on this one.

It’s a fucking disaster.

I do not want to describe in every little detail the intricacies of dreaming about James Buchanan Barnes fucking my brains out, so I won’t, but this is for the record that it happened and how the fuck am I supposed to come back and see him in his probably gorgeous attempt at his recreation of Brendan Fraser from the Mummy AKA my favourite movie (which HE KNOWS THAT IT IS?? GOD, the audacity.)

Girlfriend (his girlfriend. “Girlfriend” is the name which she shall be henceforth known as in these entries because petty wins are all I have right now) is dressing as Rachel Weisz. Because “couples goals” or whatever.

I wouldn’t know. Sam and I are dressed up as sexy salt and pepper shakers (his idea, not mine) and he made me take the salt stick because I think he knows. Steve’s not dressing up because he’s more focused on handing out candy as Captain America.

Tony is… Tony. Iron Man and all that.

Anyway, I’m out of town in DC for a meeting with the Secretary of State for a few days, but I’ll be back in New York on the 30th so I’ll have a few hours to adjust to being around James again before he dons on that outfit that I know will be totally hot.

He called me his best friend again in his latest email.

Made me smile like an idiot, but I digress.

Nov. 1/20

Dear Jane,

Halloween was killer. Sam and I won best duo for costumes because we’re that good. Ate a lot of candy and it seems to be looking up.

I dunno. I didn’t mind James and Girlfriend on the couch that much in the after-party. Mostly stuck by Nat and Sharon and Tony. An ood trio, but a fun one nonetheless.

It was fun, but I still have to go to work no matter how many jello shots and vodka gummy bears consumed.

Wish me luck, not that I need it.

Why do you think Tony hired me?

Nov. 4/20

Dear Jane.

Natasha said I smile at James in a way that utterly betrays every emotion I want to hide in my chest.

Note to self: Don’t smile at James, or at his jokes, or at anything he ever does again. Avoid him. Put a stopper on this friendship.

Note to note to self: I can’t. He just makes me smile whenever he’s around and he’s always around. There’s no simpler way to put it.

I’m gonna try this hiatus thing, though. Distance myself a bit. We’ll see how it goes.

Nov. 13/20

Dear Jane,

Day nine of this hiatus business and it sucks. I miss my best friend.

We’re scheduled for a mission together, and we’re leaving tomorrow so I was going to have to talk to him during the briefing and the op either way.

Well, glad to know this didn’t work.

Nov. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Guess who just got fucking shot!

ME!

Guess even scumbags can’t take a holiday because some stupid arms dealer got a cheap shot on me while I was downloading their whole computer system and other tech mumbo-jumbo I am too high to write about.

James left a few hours ago with the rest of the team, but not before he got me a bunch of ice chips and said he was worried and that he hopes I get better soon. He even promised to get me some flowers to spruce up the room and to say my HEART went CRAZY is an understatement.

He came to my rescue, essentially, as soon as he heard I got pinned. He carried me to the quinjet the instant he cleared the area and stayed by my side the whole time even though the bleeding stopped and I was in good hands. He was just so protective, barking at doctors and nurses. It was embarrassing but also really, really sweet.

Is it weird of me to say that I want him to stay by my side forever?

I’ve never fallen in love before.

Is it always this fast and this hard? I feel like I’m crashing instead of gently and wonderfully falling. Everything is dumb and awful.

Is this what love is like? Because it hurts worse than getting shot because I think I’m going to vomit flowers or butterflies or something.

God, he’d never love me. We’re just friends and even though we have a lot in common, he’d never. It’s just too much of the past in the present or whatever.

Also, he has a girlfriend but it seems very surface-level. God, that makes me sound like a “one of the boys” type of girl who’s a bitch to one of the boy’s new girlfriends, but I don’t know. James told me they don’t really talk about the deep stuff like we do. But she makes him happy, I think.

In hindsight, one may ask what the deep stuff is.

More on that later. I’m tired.

God, why him?

I HATE THIS.

goodnight.

Nov. 16/20

Dear Jane,

James visited again today. He sat beside me and we talked until the nurses had to kick him out. He also brought the flowers.

I asked about Girlfriend casually. I said I liked her.

He said he did, too.

I don’t know why I think he’s lying. No, I do.

It’s because jealousy is the green-eyed bitch from highschool who still shows up in my life because she thinks she’s relevant to society.

That was mean. Unrequited love makes you mean. Side effect noted.

P.S. The deep stuff includes his past, his arm, his memory, his favourite colour. I dunno why that matters. It just does.

Nov. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Got out of the hospital today because of advanced technology and all that. Nothing’s left but a scar and residual soreness. James helped me to my room and said to call him if I had a problem.

I joked that he has a girlfriend and for some reason, he got really weird about it. It’s hard to describe. I dunno. Nat dropped by for popcorn and movies.

It’s 2:32AM. I’m wondering if he’s in the kitchen but I’m confined to bed rest so I don’t know. Also, Nat is asleep beside me and I don’t want to bother her.

Hopefully I can get up and move in a few days. Life is boring.

Nov. 24/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry we haven’t caught up in a moment. Work’s been hectic and I’ve been working overtime trying to make ends meet. Most days I’m in the office or lab, just trying to get enough things done so I can take time off come Christmas.

James stopped by tonight with Chinese takeout and some sweet buns.

He broke up with his girlfriend, too.

Guess that’s why he was being weird about it.

I tried being as casual as I could asking why, but he didn’t want to talk about it, so I asked why he came by. Couldn’t be for the company because when I’m in work mode, I just don’t talk and he knows that.

He said something about his arm feeling funny so I gave it a quick diagnostics check.

I think both of us knew his arm was feeling fine.

Everything is stupid, life is meaningless, and James’ lips are the prettiest shade of pink in the ugly lights of the lab.

I would very much like to have kissed him, but I didn’t.

Girl code.

It’ll probably be a while before I get another chance to actually have time and energy to write another diary entry. Christmas season’s coming close and Pepper is gonna need help with the party.

Yay, me.

Dec. 4/20

Dear Jane,

Morgan asked me in less eloquent words if I had a boyfriend (it was more like “You boyfriend?” But whatever. Who even taught her that word?) and I swear to GOD Nat could not make it anymore obvious looking at James.

Remind me to absolutely throttle her. I don’t care if she’s the infamous Black Widow. She has clearly never seen me hopped up on nothing but a negative amount of sleep and rage/embarrassment/spite/all of the above.

On another note, Pep asked if I was bringing a plus one for the party. I said I’d think about it. Normally I’d just take Sam but he has his eyes on someone at the VA and I like my friends getting laid so no go there.

Might just go alone. I don’t know.

Pep said I should take James, but I don’t really think she knows the truth about that situation. Luckily, Tony instantly rejected the idea and said he’d find me a date if I couldn’t.

Thank the universe for at least placing me in the close circle of the most well-known and richest man in the world because he also gave me his card and said go wild.

He knows me so well. I’m thinking about Christmas shopping when I have another free day, and I’ll pay for that with my own money, of course, but clothes shopping is a free market.

I cannot wait.

Dec. 12/20

Dear Jane,

I wish I could show you my haul, but I got so much stuff Happy had to drive to help me. Besides obvious gifts, I also managed to snag a gorgeous dress for the party.

Thoughts on black and gold?

I think it’s beautiful. Hopefully Nat and Sharon think so. We’re having a girls night tonight and showing off outfits, so that’s exciting.

James asked if we could meet up tonight.

I told him I had plans and he looked so downcast.

I dunno. Everything feels weird between us. Like we’re fine, we’re best friends still, but something’s changed when no one was looking. He’s single now. I guess that energy is different because I had gotten used to his energy with ex-Girlfriend.

I don’t exactly mind but it’s not ideal either. I miss summer. It’s much less complicated than winter. Winter, one has to worry about wind and chills and snows blocking roads, black ice, dry skin, freezing fingers.

Summer: there’s just a lot of sun, wind, bugs, and the vaguest notion of being bored.

Look, I love winter. It’s my favourite season. It’s quiet and gorgeous and dreamy, even though it gets dreary in New York. The snow falls slowly sometimes, Christmas is gorgeous here, and I’d rather be cold than sweating buckets, and there are no bugs to bother me. Also, it gives me a good reason to stay in the labs or in my room where it’s warm and toasty.

I just miss the relative simplicity when James and I were just strangers on the edge of being friends, which is, in retrospect, a selfish reason to like one season and hate another.

Well, some philosopher somewhere probably said something about humanity being selfish.

Dec. 16/20

Dear Jane,

T-minus nine days until the party.

No date in sight.

Maybe I’ll ask Anderson from HR. We had coffee together a few times and he’s nice. Good catch: smart, not too bad looking, and really nice. I’ll head down tomorrow and ask.

Alpine had purred when I told him my plan and headbutted my hand, so I guess I got the Alpine-Seal-of-Approval.

Dec. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Operation: Ask Anderson from HR to Tony’s Christmas Party failed. Granted, it could’ve been because that was a god awful title and that that name, in itself, prophesied catastrophic failure, but also because I was accosted by my best friend.

I wish I meant Sam.

Nope. James caught me in the elevator and we made small talk. Sounds fine, right? Then we turned the topic to the party. Talked about clothes and prospective celebrity appearances and drinks and food. Just about everything, so might as well turn to talks about dates, which meant I had to explain why I was in the elevator in the first place.

Going down to ask Anderson ended in James revealing that he didn’t have a date either.

He doesn’t know who Anderson is, which I thought would be the case, and he popped the question before the doors opened.

Notice how I said “didn't” have a date.

Guess who’s going to the party with James, clearly stated as friends, platonic soulmates, etc.?

Me.

Yippee.

Dec. 18/20

Dear Jane,

It’s 3:42AM and I’m in the rec room as usual. I was gonna not write here today but it normally helps me sleep to just write a bit, get what little thoughts are in my head out. Yeah.

I hear James in the kitchen talking to Alpine and it’s making me smile like an idiot.

Oh, shit, he knows I’m in here. He’s making milkshakes.

I am morally obligated by best friend duties to join him.

Goodnight, Jane.

Dec. 24/20

Dear Jane,

I’m not sleeping with James Buchanan Barnes tomorrow night.

This is a resolute promise. An early New Year’s resolution.

Dec. 25/20

Dear Jane,

Merry Christmas!

In between jovial festivities, I’ve finally found a little nook that’s quiet enough to write in. We opened presents, had a big family breakfast, went skating and just lounged around, and frankly, I’m exhausted. Need to recharge the old social battery.

Among the assortment of gifts is one that stands out to me. James got me a gift that said “Open When Alone” and I did before I started this entry and it was a fucking necklace. Like, a gorgeous one. It’s gold and thin and it feels wonderful. There’s a little cat paw charm on it and it’s so pretty because he has a matching bracelet for himself and I have still not yet recovered.

It’s just so sweet and it reminds me why I love him.

Yes, love has made me unbelievably sappy. I just heaved the biggest sigh in history.

Unfortunately, I have to go earlier tonight. To the party, as written in previous entries. I remember my oath of one-night celibacy and I intend on keeping it, despite how fucking endearing this gift was, because he said it best: we’re just friends. I’m not about to coerce my best friend into sleeping with me out of a piteous, unrequited love. That’s just gross.

You will either see me hungover tomorrow, or very drunk later tonight. It’s all very depending on how this night turns out.

Dec. 26/20

Dear Jane,

Fuck.

P.S. He REALLY does not mind me calling him James. Take that as dirtily or as clandestinely as you wish.

Dec. 27/20

Dear Jane,

I spent the entire day in bed with very pleasurable company.

I am SO GLAD we haven’t gotten called in because James doesn’t leave unless to go to sleep in his own bed or to eat, and I do NOT want to explain to the team that James fucked my brains out for two days straight because my heart is bursting.

He’s a good kisser. His lips are soft.

Intimate knowledge of that is now burned into my memory for future reference.

God, this is a dream come true. He doesn’t even question it, he just

It’s like I’m a goddess to him. He treats me like one, at least, and it’s like he’ll do anything I ask. And we act like it’s normal, too. Midnight trips to the kitchen included.

Best Christmas ever.

Dec. 28/20

Dear Jane,

I feel like I’m ignoring you but I’m also having the best sex of my life. He’s just… so fucking good and it’s a holiday and holy shit my mind is blown.

Love at first meeting isn’t real.

Well, maybe this one time, it was destiny.

Dec. 29/20

Dear Jane,

It isn’t just the sex, you know? It’s the pillowtalk, too. He just makes me laugh so much and everything is so easy between us and it feels real. Popcorn and chips in bed, some mojitos, just each other’s presence. It’s enough like that, you know?

Some quote about how the one you love should be both your lover and your best friend is in my head but I’m too lazy to look it up. James’ head is in my lap and he’s just reading while I’m writing and everything seems perfect.

He doesn’t ask what I’m writing because he knows it’s private and I trust him.

This is perfect.

I think I really am IN love with him.

Jan. 1/21

You know that cliché/tradition of New Year’s kisses?

WELL THEN.

Best (and worst) New Year’s ever. I’ll explain more later. I’m too tired and too angry and also sore and bruised.

See you when I’m not hungover.

Jan. 5/21

Dear Jane,

I’m finally stable enough to write.

In a crazy turn of events, Barnes and I got into a fight because of what happened after New Year’s Day’s events: I caught him leaving before I woke up and at first, curious questions ensued, and it wasn’t a fight but then it became one and I don’t even know how it happened. I wasn’t even mad. He just started being weird and I got annoyed and we tried and failed to keep our voices down. Luckily, my room is pretty soundproof.

Things just got out of hand and I feel like tearing my hair out. I wanna storm up to him and just yell some more.

Tony came into my room and didn’t say shit about my hickies and the fact that James is avoiding me like the plague. He gave me a really good hug, though and then gave me a few weeks off extra. I don’t know how he knows, but then again, it’s Tony.

He just said love’s tough sometimes.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I’m thinking about just taking a long vacation and disappearing. It seems like a good route to take at this point.

Jan. 6/21

Dear Jane,

James is looking at me right now as I write this. I wonder if I should look back or if he’s going to come up to me. We’ll see.

I’m only writing this so it seems like I’m busy. I’m running out of things to say, honestly. Can he just go? What’s the point in staring like that? What’s the point?

I could ask myself the same question. What’s the point in loving someone who’ll never love you? Yeah, he’s sleeping with me but he pulls away every time I try to do something more. Outside the bubble of my room and the small time frame of post-11PM to around 4:45AM, he acts like he’s allergic to intimacy.

It was never like that with ex-Girlfriend.

Maybe it’s something to do with me.

I don’t know, but he keeps looking and I want to get up and leave, but I won’t. I’m not gonna let him win.

Jan. 6/21

He didn’t. He just went out. Sam and Steve asked if I was okay because as soon as he left, I got up for the bathroom and screamed into a towel.

I don’t think either of them knows what’s going on, but they have a notion.

Jan. 9/21

Dear Jane,

He apologized. Still no explanation as to why, but it feels weird.

I told him I’m going on a vacation to Switzerland. Go skiing or something and asked if he wanted to come.

It was stupid to ask, but he said yes.

Shit.

Jan. 14/21

Dear Jane,

Switzerland is lovely.

No work is relaxing. Awkwardness between me and the other traveller on this vacation. Weather’s supposed to be nice when we get there. Sunny snow days, pretty mountains, other Swiss things.

No other comment.

Jan. 21/21

Dear Jane,

I lasted all of a week.

Yep, I slept with him again, and yes, he was back in his hotel bed come sunrise.

I dunno. I’m over it. We don’t apologize and hope everything gets back to normal because neither of us want to say anything to ruin it any further and we both have a major fear of the complicated. To be fair, he said he didn’t want to sleep with me if I was completely against it.

Also, I tried calling him Bucky at dinner like ex-Girlfriend (and everyone else) does and he made the most disgusted face.

He said, and I quote, “Bucky? When did I stop being James?”

I told him I was trying something out and he said it failed. Snarky bastard.

I guess if he’s still James, that must mean I’m still special.

That’s the Tony-inherited ego talking.

But it does make me exceptionally happy to play with the idea that I’m special to him. Best friend with convoluted benefits. Sounds like the title of a very long-winded self-help book that doesn’t really help much but that does sound like the story of my life so I can’t complain too much.

We’re going home in a few days.

I’ll probably sleep with him again. Bet Steve’s shield that I do.

Jan. 24/21

Dear Jane,

I get three Steve’s shields because I was right every single fucking day.

He’s like a habit I can’t quite kick and don’t really want to.

We snuggled afterwards last night. His arm was around my shoulders, we were naked, I was resting my head on his chest. For a moment, it felt like something couples do and then I fell asleep and woke up alone.

Quantum physics is easier to understand than this but I think we’re being mutually exclusive right now, so it’s almost dating.

I dunno. I don’t mind it anymore. It’s better than nothing.

Feb. 2/21

Dear Jane,

I’m absolutely miserable.

I’m still getting laid, but that’s not related. Correlation and causation or something.

Why is New York so dreary and when can everything just stop?

I don’t know. Winter is ending and now it’s in that awful transition phase between seasons and it’s mucky and rainy and disgusting. Tony got these limited edition ice cream flavours though so I’m gonna ask James if we can make milkshakes out of them or something.

He doesn’t like the muck either. That’s not really relevant, I guess.

Feb. 14/21

Dear Jane,

I got flowers and chocolate from the department because I think they can sense I’ve been in a bad mood since forever. Then, there was an anonymous delivery and inside was this gorgeous chain bracelet that matches the necklace sort of. I lied and told the department it was from Pepper.

What a wretched holiday.

Yours truly.

Feb. 18/21

Dear Jane,

Normally, when boys get their haircut, they look ugly for a day or two after.

Not James.

He got his hair cut shorter and he looks really good. Like unbelievably good. Short hair fits him just as much as long hair does.

No other observations.

Feb. 25/21

Dear Jane,

It was Morgan’s birthday party today. James came in one of those brown jackets with the sheepskin wool inside and he looked so good. We mainly stayed apart to prevent any dalliance because one does not disappear from the Madame Secretary’s birthday party and the team doesn’t really know what’s happening behind the scenes except for Nat and Tony, really.

I really wanted to kiss him in front of our friends. I caught him staring a few times, and every time, the smile seemed to vanish off his face.

I’m lying in bed and it feels pretty empty.

It occurs to me that I’ve been in love for a pretty long time and I’m not even in a relationship with the guy.

Energy could’ve been devoted to so many other things and I’d hate being in love if it weren’t for the fact that it’s James.

Again, love making me sappy and all that.

Feb. 28/21

Dear Jane,

Jane is such a common name. Some would call it plain yet it means gift from God.

I wonder if James knew that.

Mar. 10/21

Dear Jane,

It’s James’ birthday. Birthday sex is a requirement and a desire. I also got him a gift which is a pair of new black Timbs. I hope he likes them. I’m excited for cake, I guess. Morgan did my makeup but I’m gonna have to wipe it off for the small little party tonight.

I think, ordinarily, I’d be in knots because it’s James’ birthday and I love him and he’s my best friend, but I just don’t know. March is fairly boring and contemplative and rainy. Work is work. Helen Cho did a presentation on her Cradle technology. Very cool.

Mar. 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s raining and doesn’t feel like spring. Alpine vomited on my bed a few days ago because he’s not feeling well. James and I took him to the vet and he’s on antibiotics. Poor boy. He’s sleeping in the corner of my room right now while James is away on a mission. I think I’ll just work from my room for a bit until he’s feeling better.

Nothing much to report, which is why I didn’t write anything. The month passed by too quickly. James should be back by the end of the month. I miss him and not because of the sex. No one else who doesn’t work for me or pays me listens to me ramble on their own free will. Talking to screens just isn’t the same.

April 1/21

James got back really early this morning and I, by tradition, was awake. I sort of wish I wasn’t though. In true April Fool’s tradition, I made fun of him for being a day late to which he genuinely apologized. I told him to shower and get to sleep but he was in that mood where you’re so exhausted you’re wide awake.

James suggested we make really strong cocktails for each other as a celebration for an extraction mission completed successfully.

Who am I to say no to celebrating?

He really likes grapefruit juice so I made a REALLY strong Grapefruit Paloma. He made this really interesting drink that was purple and tasted like oranges and cranberries. A lot of blue curacao was in it so it was pretty bitter but it hit like a fucking truck which is probably why I didn’t understand anything he said at first.

He told me he loved me.

I think, somehow, he managed to get drunk after the Grapefruit Paloma and two more bottles of vodka. Don’t ask me how because Steve NEVER gets drunk. Maybe HYDRA-brand serum is faulty? I don’t know.

I asked if he knew what date it was. He laughed really loudly, said no, realized, stuttered apologies and then said it again.

It was the most perfect sound in the world and it was the best moment in recent history.

Or, the sickest practical joke.

Consensus not yet reached.

April 2/21

Dear Jane,

I asked if he remembered what happened yesterday morning.

He did not.

Sickest practical joke confirmed.

April 9/21

Dear Jane,

I’ve been avoiding writing because I’ve felt a whole lot of nothing. Everything is abysmal and James’ confession is all I can think about. Tony’s on my ass about slipping and he has half the mind to put me on paid leave until I get my shit together, both as the head of the department and as an agent.

Drunk words are sober thoughts, all that garbage.

I wish I could live my whole life drunk and honest. Maybe then I wouldn’t be in this situation where I’m stuck in eternal limbo with my best friend whom I’m in love with. Minus the drunk part.

Duty demands I return to this weathered journal until it’s finished so we’ll see. I might be back this month. Maybe not.

May 1/21

Dear Jane,

It rained a lot in April so now the flowers are blooming early. April showers bring May flowers. Guess it has some merit to it.

Limbo sucks. Its inescapable nature, its terrible facade of everything seeming fine when it really isn’t.

Of course, James still makes me smile, but nothing seems really okay when I let myself stop for a second.

I’m going out with Steve to a charity thing tomorrow. Should be a few hours worth of not thinking and free booze. Oh, and James and I made out in one of the quinjets after dinner today.

Felt weird considering we aren’t a couple, but it happened spontaneously as that is the nature of our relationship, it appears.

The cause also happens to be the cure of melancholy. Weird.

May 6/21

Dear Jane,

For context, it’s 5:23AM.

Went for a walk in Madison Square and then Central Park with James yesterday, although in my head it’s still today. We met up with Nat for some training at the gym. Got a bit mobbed by fans and the paps who asked if we were dating like we’re the tabloid’s biggest scoop.

We weren’t even holding hands, but I guess it’s just another reason why we shouldn’t be TOGETHER together in public.

We had another deep stuff talk again in bed after the usual business. I wanted to ask what this is between us and if he’s pursuing other options, because I’m not and I wanted to know if I should, but I also didn’t want to ruin the vibe.

He was in a good mood today, and seeing as sometimes he has nightmares, I thought it was best I don’t ruin it. He thinks I don’t notice but how do I not notice? He’s my best friend.

I kissed his cheek when he got up to leave and he kissed me goodbye on the lips.

I guess that means something.

May 17/21

Dear Jane,

In a moment of complete boredom, I listened to Imagine Dragons’ new album. It wasn’t too bad, to be honest, but Sharon thought it could’ve been better. Whatever.

May 22/21

Dear Jane,

Ran into ex-Girlfriend today. She still has that whole sunshine thing going on still. We had coffee and she asked if I got together with James yet.

I choked on my coffee and nearly died on the spot.

That’s how I learned that James apparently broke it off softly and ex-Girlfriend had, very wisely and knowingly, said that he should chase the apple of his eye before I (the apple) rotted alone and forgotten at the trunk of the tree. Or, as any sane person would say (and ex-Girlfriend DID say), get picked from the tree by another hand.

She said it was quite obvious that I was in love with James even months ago. She also thanked me for being so nice, anyway, and that it must’ve been difficult. What a fucking SAINT.

I set her up with a date with Steve because they have the same energy, honestly, and that’s going down on the 26th barring any emergencies.

Call me Cupid, but I think I just constructed the perfect match made in heaven.

Mentioned this meeting to James minus the apple detail. He asked if she was doing okay, which she was, and seemed glad for that. Between kisses and his sneaking hand beneath the covers, he also asked if there was anything else. Not really much to say on that front.

June 3/21

Dear Jane,

It’s starting to dry up consistently, now. It’s getting warmer, too. Sam brought me flowers and told me to at least turn the air-con on if I was gonna be stuck in the lab all day. Oh, the simplicities of summer are hopefully returning. Got out early and hung out with Morgan at the park in the evening.

It’s nice to hang out with someone so blissfully unaware with the stupidity of love. All Morgan cares about is grass and buttercups she grabs from the ground. She doesn’t have to worry about how to tell the guy she’s in love with that she loves him.

Oh, didn’t you hear? Nat said I should just buck the fuck up and tell him.

And Nat is scary when not listened to.

Much to brainstorm about.

June 14/21

Dear Jane,

Just here to brainstorm some ideas for future Stark Industries projects and thought I’d preface it with a small diary entry. Nothing really happened. Work’s catching up for some reason and bad guys are acting up. I’ve pulled a few all nighters, not gonna lie.

Really tired, but in a good, productive way. Haven’t thought much on the James front. Gonna have to focus on that after everything calms down.

June 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s officially summer and yet today was awful with only subtle hints of being okay.

So much for simplicity.

In the evening, I read on the hammock on the balcony. No one really bothered me except James, but he’s never a bother.

Steve and ex-Girlfriend (who will now be reidentified as Girlfriend) are pretty cute, and she meshes well with the group. There’s nothing really awkward between her, James, or me, so I guess two people’s summers are going well. Bully for them.

Didn’t really eat. Was too busy working. James got me dinner. Didn’t feel right and just kept working. This whole agreement between us has been very flexible but we really need to fit in a session soon.

I’ll make it work somehow.

June 22/21

Dear Jane,

I got my wish and didn’t at the same time. We spent the whole day in the sheets (very blissfully relaxing) and I, stupidly and with very little sleep, let it slip.

In less elegant terms, I told him I loved him. It felt very real and genuine and very-out-of-a-movie, but his reaction was less so.

What did I say? Allergic to intimacy.

He tried to play it off as best friends and even that was uncomfortable, but I, very seriously and very foolishly, corrected him that “no, James Buchanan Barnes, I am IN LOVE with you.”

He left a few minutes ago, saying something about heading down to the gym, but I know he’s just trying to avoid me.

God, how am I so stupid?

June 25/21

Dear Jane,

I haven’t seen James in a few days. I thought he was avoiding me but turns out he’s out of the country. Something about protection for whatever dignitary is travelling at the end of the month. I don’t know.

I wasn’t assigned to that op so the details weren’t shared liberally. Sam just said it’d be a while during the ambassador’s entire stay. High threat level which is why the Avengers were contracted.

I just hope he stays safe. I know he probably took off to take his mind off things, but I don’t know how he’s focusing when all I can think of is those three little words.

I love you.

Seems so fake the more I hear it in my head, but his reaction was so real that I think I might’ve just irreversibly messed things up.

July 12/21

Dear Jane,

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks. If future me finds this with blotted words, it’s because I am indeed crying while writing this.

James was medically evac’ed last night and transferred back to New York. Helen Cho was flown in from her medical conference in Minnesota where she was showcasing the newest version of the Cradle.

There was an assasination attempt and James is fucked up bad.

Holy shit, I’m so scared. I’ve never been so scared in my life. It’s like an invisible demon has my heart in his claw-like hands and he’s squeezing with all his might. I think my heart might explode.

I just want to hold his hand but he’s so high risk no one’s allowed to see him right now.

The waiting room is too quiet. Steve’s holding on to Girlfriend’s hand so hard I think her bones are broken but she’s taking it like a champ. Nat’s pacing, slowly patting a sleeping Morgan who she’s carrying. Sam and Tony are talking about stuff.

It’s too quiet.

I’m so scared.

July 13/21

They got him into the Cradle. Thank God. I think I might cry some more out of relief, but he was conscious for a few minutes earlier and he’s stable now.

It’s really late at night but they extended privileges to me to stay with him so I’m just sitting here, writing. Listening to the Cradle do its thing and the monitors do theirs.

When he was conscious, I was with him. He said some stuff under his breath but the one thing I could make out was “I’m an idiot.”

Granted, he’s right. It was supposed to be Steve or Tony on that mission. You know, people with more defense op experience, but he had to go out and volunteer himself.

I feel sort of guilty.

It’s partially my fault, isn’t it?

I think I’ll try to tuck in for tonight. I wanna be awake when he wakes up, too.

July 14/21

Dear Jane,

James woke up today. He’s still in the Cradle (lots of internal damage spread throughout the body) but he’s conscious. He saw me and immediately tried to sit up which was sweet, but when he couldn’t, he just told me to come closer and then told me that he loved me.

I called him an idiot for running away. I told him he really scared me. I told him that I loved him so fucking much. I told him that I feel so guilty and he just held my face and said that it will never be my fault.

He’s so fucking romantic, even when he’s lying down with a wound being stitched closed live in front of my eyes.

Oh, and he kissed me. I don’t think I noticed how much I actually missed him until that moment.

I don’t know how to describe the feeling in my chest. It’s a mixture between super happy and super scared and super, super warm inside. Summer might be looking up.

July 18/21

Dear Jane,

We got home today. James is staying in my room. The team doesn’t say anything about it. We’re best friends, after all, but I think they’ve known for a long time that there’s something more. Some of them are just too polite to say so.

I won’t have much time to write over the next couple of days. James has to be kept on a strict, extremely healthy diet and medicine regime.

I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s home.

He’s kissing me a lot more, now. Alpine likes the fact that his two humans are now in the same room. He purrs so loudly, I can hear him from where he’s dozing, curled up underneath James’ chin. He (James) is resting after his second round of antibiotics for the day while I work from my room, and sometimes I catch myself looking back just to make sure he’s okay.

I’m going to go kiss him now.

Be right back.

July 21/21

Dear Jane,

It’s almost Nat’s birthday (the 26th). Super exciting. James is back on solids and I’m helping him around with walking. Even with the Cradle and the healing factor, he’s still super banged up, so it’s better safe than sorry.

We had a really long talk about love and stuff. It’s good to finally have it out in the open. It was mostly me talking about my side of things and he just nodded a lot. I know he was listening though.

We also kissed a lot, like seventeen year old couples who are heavy on the PDA, but within the privacy of my room. I dunno. I like the heat of his arms and the way he kisses the shell of my ear when he’s bored or it’s a commercial break.

It feels very natural.

I am very much in love with him.

I tell him that and he always looks skeptical, but whatever. He doesn’t have to say it back (I tell him that there’s no pressure) and he’ll get it through his thick skull eventually that he’s now stuck with me.

July 25/21

Dear Jane,

We made cookies in the early AM as tradition for the party tomorrow and I told him that I love him (again, but this time he didn’t run, nor has he the past few times. Fantastic).

While the cookies were baking, he explained everything on his side of the story: how he was scared to be vulnerable, how opening up to me is just different and new and scary and I get it. I really do. I know how it feels to think you don’t deserve good things and sabotage feels like the only way to save everyone from hurt.

He smiled a lot more after that. I guess he’s just glad I get it.

One day, I’ll successfully convince James that he deserves everything good this world has to offer.

Until then, I’ll just keep trying.

P.S. He said, with less hesitation than the first time, that he loves me, too. Best. Day. Ever.

P.P.S. The cookies are so good and I want to devour them all. I could barely stop James from eating all of them. Again: Best. Day. Ever.

July 26/21

Dear Jane,

In summary of today:

Happy birthday, Natasha.

James has been given the clear bill of health which is exciting. Also, I asked him about the Jane and gift of God thing.

He knew. “Intuition” and all that. He also said I looked “like a royal dame” in my swimsuit. Smug idiot just trying to be charming.

I love him and that’s the only reason it works.

Back to the festivities.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

Good morning to you and to James who’s still in my bed at a ripe 6:23AM, fast asleep.

Progress. Now, back to sleep.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

It’s now 9:49AM and James greeted me with orange juice and waffles. He said I was cute when I slept. Creep.

He also said he tried so many times to stay in my bed after, before we were like we are now, but he never could, and now he’s upset that he missed out on my cute sleeping/waking up for the day face every time he did so.

He is exceptionally cute when he’s pouting.

I think we’re officially boyfriend-girlfriend, but we’ll work out the semantics on that later. For now, it’s another summer day together. He suggested Chinese takeout for dinner because I have to go dip back into the lab later today to check on some samples.

I agreed and he kissed me in promise like it was our “thing.” I can’t stop smiling like an idiot.

Massive progress.

July 28/21

Dear Jane,

He told me I was the only one for him.

Also, he kissed me in front of our friends for the first time. Natasha yelled “FINALLY” and pushed us into the pool. Sam laughed and then I grabbed him and threw him into the pool. Ensuing: a water fight for the ages.

For a day: 10/10

July 31/21

Hey Jane,

I think I’m happy.

I’m sorry I ever doubted the effects of writing down my feelings.

James has a romantic trip to uptown planned for our first date and he said it’ll take the whole day so I thought I’d get this entry in the morning. I dunno. It’s really early and the happy thought was the first thing that came to my head.

Weird, but it’s a good weird.

See you in a bit.

517 notes · View notes

impalas-r-important · 3 years

Text

Love of my Life - (2) New Guy

Summary: Bobby brings home an injured hunter. Dean's not so fond of him.

Warnings: None that I can think of.

Word Count: 3429

Series Masterlist

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“Hello?” You could hear Sam answer his phone from the living room. You were in the kitchen cleaning up. You, Sam and Bobby had a deal that whoever didn’t cook meals had to clean up after. Sam had made the both of you grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for a warm lunch on a chilly January afternoon. “Oh, hey Bobby, how did your hunt go?” A few seconds passed and then you heard Sam mutter, “Yeah, sure. We’ll be ready when you get here. How far away are you?” He walked into the kitchen, still on the phone, with a concerned look on his face. You gave him the what’s going on look and he held up his finger and said his goodbyes to Bobby.

“What happened, is Bobby okay?” You pressed.

“Yeah, he’s fine. He said that he met another hunter who was working the case, so they teamed up. I guess the new guy saved Bobby’s bacon and got pretty beat up. Bobby’s bringing him back here to get him all healed up. He said it was the least he could do. He asked if we could get the spare room cleaned out and ready.”

After days of researching for Bobby’s case, you had discovered it was yet another Greek god with another vendetta or unfinished business or whatever. Blah, blah, blah. It was getting repetitive at this point, but gods were always tricky to deal with. You were just glad to hear Bobby was okay and that someone was there to help him out.

“What happened? Do we know if he’s badly hurt?” You wondered.

“All Bobby said was that he doctored him up as much as he could. They aren’t far from here now.”

“Okay, I’ll go get the room ready.” You wiped your hands off on a dish towel and headed upstairs. You stripped the sheets off the bed and threw them in the washer, putting a set of new ones on. The room hadn’t been used in a long time. You and Sam were crashing there in 2 of the other spare bedrooms, but this one was pretty dusty from sitting idle all this time. After clearing out boxes of old books from the closet, you grabbed a duster and went over everything.

“They’re here!” Sam yelled from downstairs. “I’m gonna go help him inside.”

You ungracefully shoved your cleaning stuff into a bucket, then quickly sprayed a little air freshener to try and mask the smell you could only describe as “old”. You could hear voices coming closer down the hall. You grabbed your supplies and walked them to the bathroom to put them away. Their conversation was easily heard through the thin walls.

“Alright, here’s where you can crash.” Sam said as he helped the new guy into the room and sat him down on a chair in the corner. “You really took a beating, huh?” Sam gave him a sympathetic smile. “I don’t think I caught your name, by the way.”

“I’m Nick.” He reached his hand out to shake Sam’s but didn’t make it all the way before he winced and grabbed his ribs.

“Well Nick, thanks for saving Bobby back there. He said he wouldn’t have made it out of that one if it weren’t for you. I’m Sam.”

“Sam, like as in Sam Winchester?” Nick raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you’ve heard of me?”

“Buddy, I wasn’t born yesterday. Every hunter who knows what they’re doing has heard of you and your brother.” You heard Nick say as you walked into the room and leaned against the door frame. He turned to look at you and straightened his posture in the chair as much as he could. He gave you a little half smile and blinked a few times as he managed to say, “Wow, uh, hey, hi…”

His stammering made you laugh a little. “I overheard you boys talking. You’re Nick, right?” He nodded. “Well, anyone who saves Bobby Singer is a friend of ours. I’m Y/N.”

“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Nick winked and gave you a cheeky grin which quickly turned into a grimace. He was definitely in pain. He was covered in mud stains and blood. His ankle was bent the wrong way and he had bloodied bandages wrapped around his bicep and thigh. But through all that, you couldn’t help but notice that he was surprisingly handsome. He had sandy blonde hair and striking blue eyes. Most of the hunters you met looked like truckers or smelled like dumpsters.

“Don’t even try man, she could kick your ass 3 different ways before you knew what hit you.” Sam joked. “I’m going to let Y/N take it from here. She’s better at the doctor thing than I am. I’ll go grab your bags and bring them up.”

“Why don’t we see what we can do about some of that bleeding.” You grabbed the first aid kit from on top of the dresser and walked over to him. “Can I?” You motioned to the bandage on his arm, and he nodded. You peeled away the layers to find a nasty looking gash. “Geez…” You whispered. “So, I can stitch you up, but it’s going to hurt pretty bad.”

“I’m no wussy. Do what you gotta do.” Nick looked up at you and for half a second you caught yourself studying his ocean eyes, but you looked away quickly and grabbed the sanitizing alcohol. “This will probably hurt the most. Sorry.” You dumped some on his wound and he clenched in pain and closed his eyes, letting a big exhale escape through his nose. You threaded your needle and began to stitch his cut closed. You had done this many times before and with Sam and Dean and liked to think you were decent. But you knew the key was distraction.

“So, where are you from?” You asked.

“Not really from anywhere. I grew up like a lot of hunters did. On the road with my dad and uncle, learning tricks of the trade as we went. What about you?”

“Well, I was born in Arizona, but my family was killed when I was six. I spent my life bouncing between hunters until I could drive. Then I went out on my own.”

“I’m sorry about your family.” His sympathy caught you off guard. Most hunters couldn’t care less about others.

“Thank you, but we all have our sob story. No one chooses to be a hunter just for kicks and giggles”

“Man, I’ve heard some crazy stories about those Winchester brothers.” Nick gave a small laugh. “It’s weird to actually meet one of them in person. What happened to Dean? I thought he and Sam were inseparable.”

You sighed and your heart dropped like it always did when his name was mentioned. “He actually got out of the hunting life. He lives close to here, stops by to check on us every once in a while.”

“I’d love to meet him. All I’ve heard is how badass he is. Like the ultimate hunting machine.”

“Well, you call him badass, I call him dumbass.”

“Hah! You guys close?”

“Not as close as we used to be. Sam and I try to keep him out of the hunting life as much as we can. He helps with research every now and then but hasn’t been out on a case in a while.” You finished your last stitch. “Your arm is all done but looks like we need to take care of this one as well.” You pointed down to his leg. “Do you care if I just cut your pant leg off? This pair looks like a goner anyway.”

“You can take my pants off anytime you want.” Nick smirked at you.

“I’m going to chalk that up to the loss of blood and pretend you didn’t say that. Keep in mind, I’m the one with the needle here.” You held up the long needle as you threaded it with a clean suture and gave him your best don’t go there face.

Nick reminded you a strange amount of the Dean of old. Handsome, but in a different way, snarky, and seemed like the kind of guy who flirted with any and every girl he could find. You couldn’t lie to yourself and say you didn’t like the attention he was giving you. Part of you still wished it were Dean giving you that attention though.

You finished up and started to pick up the bloody bandages off the floor. “I’m going to go get Sam and he can help you get into the shower. I think we need to take you to the doctor for your ankle though. Looks broken to me.”

“Damn, I was hoping to avoid the hospital. I don’t suppose you know how to set a broken ankle?” He looked at you hopefully.

“You’re outta luck, sorry.” You shrugged and began to head out the door.

“Y/N?” Nick stopped you before you left, and you turned to face him. “Thank you.” You shot him a smile and a nod before heading downstairs to find Sam.

After Sam had helped Nick wash all the blood off of himself, you two had taken him to the hospital where they set his ankle and gave him some pain killers for the broken ribs. Sam had gotten him upstairs and into bed and you brought some food up for him.

“Here you go, a Singer specialty.” You placed a tray with Bobby’s chili on his lap and handed him the remote to the ancient box tv.

“What makes it so special?” Nick asked, stirring the chili skeptically.

“If you ask Bobby, he’ll say it’s a secret family recipe, but I’ve been around long enough to know that the real magic happens when he dumps it from the can into the pot.” Nick laughs as you get his food situated so it won’t spill. “I brought you in some movies if you want to watch them. Mostly Dean’s old western tapes. We’re in short supply of variety.”

“Thank you. But I do have to say, I feel a little uncomfortable having you guys help me this much. I’m usually a strictly independent person…”

“We all need a little help sometimes.” You were actually glad that Nick was here. It gave you something to keep your mind off of Dean. “I’m in the room next to yours, just bang on the wall if you need anything.”

“Goodnight, Y/N. I owe you one.” He flashed his tired smile at you, and you returned the gesture.

“Night, Nick.”

You woke the next morning to find Sam’s car gone. You figured he was at the gym or swung by Dean’s house for something. You headed into the kitchen and started on making breakfast. The cupboards were pretty empty, but you knew there was always pancake mix around somewhere. You whipped up a few cakes with a side of scrambled eggs. When you were done, you headed up to Nick’s room to see how he was doing. You knocked softly, careful not to wake him if he was still sleeping. A few seconds passed with no response, so you cracked the door open and saw him dead asleep with the half-eaten bowl of chili still on his lap and the tv crackling with black and white static. This made you chuckle a little. You tiptoed over to him and gently lifted the tray off his lap to take with you downstairs and turned off the television.

The rest of the morning was spent looking for cases in the papers and online, but you didn’t have much luck. You gave up after a while when you heard a boot clomping down the stairs, letting you know that Nick was on his way.

“Morning, sunshine!” Nick pronounced and winked at you as he walked in the room.

“It’s 2 in the afternoon, lazy bones.” He laughed a little and sat down in the chair across from you. “How are you feeling?”

“Better than I was yesterday, that’s for sure.”

“I bet you’re hungry.”

“Starved, actually.” He placed a hand on his stomach.

“Do you feel up for going out and grabbing a bite? We’re short on supplies here, but I know a great little diner just a few miles into town. Mel’s.”

“That sounds amazing! I could really go for a great big cheeseburger right now.” Look at that, yet another similarity to Dean. You could swear this was the universe playing a cruel joke on you.

“Sam’s not here and Bobby’s holed up in his room, so it’s just you and me. Hope that’s ok.”

“More than fine with me.” He flirted. “Our first date!”

“Whatever. Come on, gimpy.” You helped him up out of the chair and led him out the door and towards your car.

You had actually really enjoyed your late lunch with Nick. It was nice to get to know someone new and you were surprised at how well the two of you got along. You usually butted heads with other hunters, but Nick was pretty easy going and had a good sense of humor.

A little while later, you pulled back into the driveway of Bobby’s house to see both Sam and Dean’s cars in the driveway.

“Wow, that’s a beauty of a car.” Nick remarked as the two of you walked past the Impala.

“Don’t touch it. That’s Dean’s baby. He’ll kill you if you scratch it.” You warned as you walked into the house.

Dean quickly rushed at you as soon as you opened the door and pulled you into a bear hug. “Y/N where the hell have you been?! I’ve been calling you over and over! No one knew where you were! Don’t scare me like that!”

“What? We were just in town. We haven’t even been gone 2 hours…” You pulled out your phone to check for his missed calls but found it to be dead.

“We?” Dean interrogated. Nick walked in a few steps behind you and Dean glared at him. “Who the hell are you?” He instinctively pulled you behind him.

"Whoa, whoa easy there tiger." You put your hand on Dean's arm and he looked at you, with questioning eyes. "That's Nick. Didn’t Sam tell you? He saved Bobby's ass on their last hunt and got pretty beat up in the process. Bobby brought him back here to heal up a bit."

"And you're what, just hanging out with some hunter you barely know? He could be a psychopath! You know better than this!"

You couldn't help but roll your eyes and feel annoyed at Dean’s over-protectiveness. "He's got a broken ankle, bruised ribs, and massive gashes on his arm and leg. You really think I couldn't handle him if I needed to?"

Dean kept his eyes on Nick the whole time, looking him up and down, trying to get a read on him. Bobby slammed the door of his room and walked out to the commotion. "Would you idjits keep it down out here? I could hear every word of this stupid conversation!" Bobby looked to Dean who was clearly still in defense mode. "Oh, pull the stick out, Dean. The kid literally saved my life. He's harmless."

It took Nick a few seconds to process the situation. He walked over to Dean and reached his hand out. "It's an honor to meet you, Dean. I look up to you a lot. You’ve got some great people here; they’ve been nothing but nice to me and I’d never do anything to hurt them.”

Dean was clearly expecting him to say anything but that, and reluctantly shook his hand. You wished you had a camera to take a picture of look on Dean's face. Priceless.

"I hate to break up the fan fest, but what are you doing here, boy?" Bobby questioned Dean. "Not that I ain't happy to see you, but you haven't been around here much lately."

“I, uh, was going to see if Y/N wanted to hit up Mel’s. I’m starved.” Dean looked at you for an answer.

“Nick and I were actually just there…” You felt a bit guilty, but you didn’t know that Dean was even planning on coming over today. “I’m sure Sam would go with you. I haven’t seen him yet today, but it sounds like he’s up in his room.”

“Oh, okay.” Dean looked dejected but nodded and headed towards the staircase.

Dean kind of knocked on Sam’s door as he walked in.

“Uh, sure, come on in.” Sam gave Dean a glare as he folded clothes and organized them neatly on his bed.

“I knocked. You want to go grab some food, Sammy?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m almost done here.”

Dean walked further inside and over to the dresser to fiddle with some things sitting on top of it. “Why didn’t you tell me about the new guy?”

“I doubt he’s sticking around. I didn’t think there was anything to tell.” Sam shrugged.

“Yeah, but you shouldn’t let Y/N just hang around some stranger all day. We don’t know anything about him.”

“Dean, he seems like a teddy bear. We’ve been doing this for long enough to know when someone is a piece of crap. Nick seems genuine.” Sam let out a small laugh. “You know, he’s actually a lot like you. I think you’d really get along with him if you were still hunting.”

“Yeah whatever.” Dean grumbled as he played with a knife he had picked up.

“What crawled up your butt?” Sam shot him a sideways glace. Dean didn’t respond. “Oh, I see. You just don’t like him hanging around Y/N.”

Dean clenched his jaw. “Well, I’m so sorry if I just want to make sure she’s safe. I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to look out for her. Someone’s gotta do it if you aren’t.”

Sam scoffed. “Hey, I am looking out for her, Dean. But she doesn’t need me to. She is way more than capable of handling herself and honestly, it’s none of your business who she decides to spend her time with. She’s not your girl anymore.” Sam knew it was a touchy subject, but he didn’t care. He hated to see how much Y/N was hurting because of Dean.

Dean slammed the knife into the top of the dresser. He shook his head and turned to leave. “I’m outta here.” He walked down the hall but stopped at the top of the stairs as he watched you grab a soda from the fridge and a bottle of pain pills which you then took over to Nick. He hated the way that Nick looked at you. He hated that you sat down next to him and smiled your perfect smile at someone other than himself. Dean ran his hand along the railing and subconsciously made his way back to his brother’s room.

“Does she like him?” Dean asked in a broken voice as he leaned against the doorframe, looking at the ground.

“I don’t know.” Sam could easily see that his brother was genuinely hurting. “But I meant what I said, Dean. She’s not your girl anymore. You chose Lisa over her.”

Dean didn’t have words to describe the heartache he was feeling. “I didn’t… I… I don’t know…” Was all he managed to get out.

“Dean, Y/N is still like a sister to me even though you two aren’t together anymore. We’ve gotten a lot closer since we both died and came back, and honestly, I’m happy to see that a guy is making her smile. She was really heartbroken over you. She still is. So maybe it sucks for you to see her with a guy that’s not you, but now you know how she feels every time she sees you with Lisa.”

Dean slid down the wall until he was sitting on the ground, with his head hanging in his lap and his hands on the back of his neck. Sam sat down next to him.

“Dean, I’m not trying to be harsh on you.”

“I know. You’re right though.”

“Maybe it’s none of my business, but why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you move in with Lisa so soon after we died?”

Dean cleared his throat. “I don’t know Sam. I guess, she was there, and Y/N wasn’t. There’s just a lot to it and I don’t expect you to understand.” Dean got up, regained his composure and left swiftly. Making sure Y/N and Nick were out of sight before he left.

Chapter 3

#dean winchester #dean x reader #dean x y/n #spn

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lucisfavoritedemon · 3 years

Text

The Black Dove

Pairings: Bucky x reader, Steve x reader (no Stucky), Sam & Dean x Winchester!reader, Castiel x reader

Summary: All you have ever known was how to fight and hunt. Your world and all you have ever known is thrown through a loop when you are sucked through a portal, and forced to adjust to this new reality. Will you leave the life you knew for so long, or will you decide to go back home, leaving the ones you loved behind?

Squares Filled: Crossover @marvelfluffbingo Free Space @spnfluffbingo

Warnings: some angst, fighting with siblings, super fluffy conversations, happy Steve, homesickness, fluff, and more fluff

Word Count: 4954

A/N: All mistakes are mine.

Enjoy!

I used to be a normal girl, who lived a normal life. As normal as life as a “criminal” could be. My name is Y/n Winchester, my brothers are Dean and Sam. We are hunters of the supernatural. We have been hunting for as long as I can remember. I was only a year old when my mother died, and Sam was only still a baby.

Though we knew what was truly out there, not many people did. That’s where the life of fake credit cards, and run ins with the law come in. It wasn’t an ideal life, but it was a life that we wouldn’t change for the world. At least that’s what I always thought.

Sam and I were looking through books at the bunker library. We were trying to find a way to open the portal to the other reality where our mom was stuck in with Lucifer. We were getting no closer to finding a way to open the portal.

“I’m getting so tired of all these books. Don’t get me wrong, I love books, but this is just exhausting that we aren’t any closer.” I said, slamming my book closed.

“I know. We can’t just give up though. We don’t have that option.”

“I understand, but why can’t Dean help us too. We shouldn’t have to do it all ourselves.”

“I know, but he is seeing if he can find cases for us while we look. Maybe hoping to give us a break.”

“Are you sure? He hasn’t left his room. I even made dinner, and he hasn’t come out.”

“Maybe you should go check on him?”

“Why is it always me.” I stand up, playfulling stomping my foot. I walk down the hall to his room. I knock before walking in.

“Hey, I just started it, wanna watch it with me?” Dean said, eating a slice of pizza.

“No! You’re supposed to be looking for cases! Not watching movies.” I grab his remote and turn it off.

“Sorry, but I haven’t found anything.”

I grab his computer. I begin to look for mysterious deaths in the area, or in nearby states. “There. Found one. Was that so hard?”

“Cas will stay here and keep you company while you finish finding that portal thing.”

“Fine. Get dressed. I’ll go tell Sam.” I walk out, and head back to Sam, “lazy ass was watching movies and eating pizza. I found a case for you guys. Call Cas for me. Dean apparently thinks I can’t handle going out on a case, and I also need a babysitter.”

“Yeah I’ll call him.” Sam chuckles.

“Thanks.” I go to the kitchen, and get another plate of food. I sit at the table and take a breather. I hoped that we would find how to reopen the portal, but I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take.

“We’re heading out. Cas said he would be here soon.” Sam said.

“Okay.” I just look down at my plate.

“Hey, it’ll be okay. We’ll be back before you even know we’re gone.” Dean reassured.

“It doesn’t matter. I just hate it when I can’t go.”

“If we didn’t need to find a way to open the rift again, you could come with us.” Dean smiled, trying to be positive.

“Sam and I should be the ones going. You have done nothing.” I snapped.

“Y/n, please calm down.” Sam tried to diffuse the situation. He knew Dean and I couldn’t stand each other sometimes.

“Sorry, but it’s true. He was in there watching movies, and eating pizza after I worked for an hour to make a homemade dinner for us.”

“It was kind of rude Dean. She did find a case for us quickly.”

“No. We both talked about this.”

“Talked about what?”

“We feel like after the last hunt, you need to stay benched.”

“Fine. But I don’t always need a babysitter.”

“Yes you do. To make sure you don’t find a hunt, and take off.”

“Why do you care?”

“In case you get arrested? There is still a warrant out for your arrest.”

“Like you two should talk.”

“Thing is, we are ‘dead’. They realised you’re not.”

“Okay, you have a point, but it wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Yeah, but it should be the last.” Dean says, walking away.

“We’ll call you when we get a motel.” Sam gives a small smile.

“Be safe please.”

“Promise. You stay out of trouble.”

“I’ll try.”

Sam walks out, and I’m left alone again. I finish eating real quick and go back to researching. It wasn’t too long before Cas showed up.

“I brought snacks.”

I smile kindly, “thanks Cas.”

“I know you don’t want me here, and all, but I feel like we don’t hang out much on our own.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you here, it’s the fact my brothers don’t trust me enough to stay here.”

“I agree with them though.”

“Of course you do.” I go back to reading, already wanting the small talk to stop.

“I don’t want anything happening to you. Believe it or not you and Dean are very similar in that aspect.”

“Don’t compare us. I want to be NOTHING like him. I at least do some real work around here.”

“You both are strong headed. Both have the will to help people no matter what it takes, but right now, you need to stay here for a while. Just till this blows over.”

“And what if it doesn’t? I’m not going to continue to be sidelined.”

“I know. If this doesn’t blow over in a month, I will talk to them.”

“Fine, but don’t think I’m letting you off easy. You still agreed with them.”

I smile, and finish scanning through the book I was reading earlier. On the very last page there was a spell that could open a hole to another reality of our world. “I think I found something. It seems a lot easier than we thought it would be.”

“It may look simple, but that could change.”

“We have half the stuff here in the bunker. All we need are these last few ingredients.”

“We will wait for them to get back then. I’m not letting you out, and I’m not leaving you alone.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Now we can hang out and enjoy each other’s company.”

“For someone who wants my attention, you haven’t made a good case for yourself.”

“I’m trying. I’m new to this whole relationship thing.”

“I know, but usually if your girlfriend is complaining about someone, you don’t agree with the person they’re angry with.”

“Then I would be lying, and I’ve read that you will always figure out when I’m lying.”

“Okay point.”

He pulls me onto his lap, “I may not know a lot about relationships, but I do know that I never ever want to lie to you.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere with me Cas.”

“I’m not trying to flatter you. I’m being honest.”

“Fine,” I lean in to kiss him, but I’m interrupted by my phone ringing, “hello?”

“Hey, we made it to the motel for the night. Is Cas there?” Sam said, and I could tell he was smiling.

“Yeah, he’s here. I wish you two would have waited just a little longer before leaving. I found something.”

“You did!? What is it? Is it complicated?”

“No. We actually have a little over half the things we need here at the bunker, and the rest we can easily obtain.”

“Sounds good. Get done as quick as you can.”

“We will do our best. See you in a few days.”

“See ya.”

He hung up quickly before I could say anything else. I just wish that I was able to do more than to stay here. I understand that I screwed up, and they didn’t want me to pay the price like they had to in the past. I couldn’t be too mad, but I still wanted to help. Not just sit here with my hands tied.

“You okay?” Cas spoke up, tearing me from my thoughts.

“I will be. I just hope that this works. If not, then it’ll be my fault for giving false hope.”

“Don’t blame yourself. They won’t blame you.”

“They may not, but I will blame myself.”

“Y/n, don’t say that. I promise everything will be okay. This is going to work, it has to.”

“Which is why you have to let me gather the ingredients. I need to test it. If it works, then they can go through, but I have to to test it.”

“And what if it doesn’t?”

“Then maybe I could be used for something good for once. Make Dean see I’m not just a screw up.”

“He doesn’t think you’re a screw up.”

“Yes he does. I’m going out to get the rest of this stuff. I’ll go in a disguise. I will be careful. You just have to trust me.”

“Okay. You have an hour. If you’re not back, I’m coming back to find you.”

“Fair enough.” I change, then head out. It doesn’t take me long to find the rest of the ingredients. I get back and start working on the spell.

“I hope this works.”

“Me too.” I finish mixing everything together. I began to read the spell, as the room began to glow bright. I finished reading the spell, and there, in the middle of the room, was a red lightning bolt thing. I had a feeling it was the portal we needed.

“There. It worked. Now, we wait for Sam and Dean.”

“No. I have to test it.”

“We don’t know how stable it is.”

“Doesn’t matter. I have to try. If it closes, you have the spell and the ingredients to pen it back up.”

“Y/n, please don’t.”

“I’m sorry Cas.” I hug him tightly, and kiss him before I head to the portal. I walk through as everything goes black.

3rd Person POV:

It was the end of the battle, and the Avengers were sent to scan the streets of New York for anything that remained of the battle. They were about to leave earlier, but they saw a flash of light, and thought there were more aliens coming. As they scanned near the source of the flash, one of them spotted a girl who was unconscious, but was completely untouched from the debris and dust around them.

“JARVIS check vitals.” Tony Stark stated.

“Vitals are normal sir.” Tony’s computer system, JARVIS, stated.

“We should send her with Fury. Have them contain her in case she is not human.” Tony suggested to the others.

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. What if she is just human, and she wakes up with people watching her. That could be terrifying.” Steve stated.

“I agree with Steve. You never know what she really is. Come on let’s just take her back to the tower, and wait till she wakes up.” Natasha stated.

“That won’t be necessary. S.H.I.E.L.D. has taken upon itself to monitor her in Washington. If she is human, we will figure out how the hell she got here. We have targeted the source of energy, and it isn’t like anything we’ve ever seen, but she seems human.”

“Told ya Cap.”

“Fury, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea sir.”

“It is, if I say it is. You are welcome to escort her if you want Captain.”

“No thanks, but I do want a call if she wakes up. No experimenting.”

“Did he just tell Fury what to do?” Clint whispered to Natasha.

“Yep.”

“Fine. She wakes up, you’ll be the first contact.”

Steve just nods and walks off. He didn’t know why he was taking this so personally. Wasn’t like he knew her, but something about her said she has already been through a lot. He couldn’t risk her being questioned, and overwhelmed.

“Will she get the proper medical treatment she needs?” Tony asked as he carried the girl to where Fury’s helicopter was.

“Now you’re worried about the girl? She’s not staying here, if that’s what you’re trying to get at.”

“I’m just making sure that she is treated like a human until she is proven not to be.”

“Let me guess you want a call too when she’s awake?”

“No. Sending Cap in will overwhelm her enough. I just want to know if you determine human or other worldly.” Tony said, laying her inside the helicopter, as Agent Hill straps her down in a gurney.

“Fine,” Fury walked to the pilot’s seat, “man you’d think they knew her or something.” Fury mumbled, taking off.

Tony walked back to meet the others, who were all sitting around waiting for him. They all sat in silence for a bit. Everyone could tell they all had something to say about the girl that just randomly showed up out of, seemingly, thin air.

“Fury said she’ll get the proper treatment she needs until she wakes up and they can figure out her story. Figure out where she came from.”

“That’s good. Maybe she really is just a human, who just happens to be super lucky?” Natasha suggests, not very convincingly.

“We all know that isn’t very likely.”

“Barton’s right. She is the only explanation of the flash of light. It explains how she was almost completely clean. She had no other injuries, so she most likely bonked her head on entry, and that explains why she was passed out cold.” Tony stated, trying to sound rational.

“Look, if she is human, we can’t overwhelm her with questions. Imagine how she would feel. She may not be able to think straight and tell us something that she doesn’t mean. One of us has to go and be there with her. Make sure she isn’t overwhelmed by all the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents.”

“Glad you already volunteered yourself Cap.”

“Someone had to. If not me, then who?”

“I think you’re the perfect one to do it Rogers. You have that welcoming look to you.” Natasha spoke up.

“I agree with Nat.” Clint spoke.

Everyone was in agreement. Steve was the best person for the job, but Tony wasn’t very pleased, he wanted to make sure that no one got hurt. He would have volunteered had Steve not done so already. He couldn’t risk losing anyone to whatever she could be.

Reader POV:

I don’t remember what happened, but the next thing I knew when I opened my eyes was that I was in a hospital. This was unusual for Sam and Dean. We always treated our injuries at the bunker before we resorted to going to a hospital, but this place wasn’t anywhere that I recognized.

I heard voices talking outside, but I just played it off as the doctors and nurses talking about what happened to me. I saw a blonde haired man out of the corner of my eyes, and thought that maybe the voices were Sam and Cas.

“Dean?”

The man looked over at me, “no. My name is Steve. I’m part of the team that rescued you.”

“R-rescued? Where am I? Where are my brothers?”

“Hey calm down, it’s okay. You’re in a hospital in Washington D.C. We found you in the streets of New York after an alien invasion. As far as your brothers, we didn’t know whether you were human or not.”

“That better explains the restraints. Are you sure I’m not being arrested?”

“Is there a reason you should be arrested?”

“No. Just saying this is a lot like what they do to people who are hurt who they are arresting.”

“They usually handcuff, and use restraints, but guess that proves you’re human.”

“Yes I’m human, how did I get to New York, the D.C. from Kansas.”

“Where in Kansas do you live?”

“Lebanon, with my brothers Sam, and Dean Winchester.”

“Okay. It’ll be okay. We’ll find your brothers. We’ll get you home. We don’t know how you got to New York, we saw a flash of light, and there you were untouched by all the debris, and you had no other injuries, other than you were unconscious.”

“Then the portal kind of worked.”

“What portal?”

“I found a spell in a book to create a rift in reality. My mom is trapped in another version of our world, but we haven’t been able to find something that works. Until now, sort of. It took me to New York, but it possibly proves that with a little tweaking, we can get our mom back.”

“I’m sorry about your mom, but that doesn’t explain why we can’t find you in any system.”

“Well you kind of need my name for that don’t you?”

“Not with facial recognition.”

“That is advanced technology, and they only use it for criminals. Unless you were lying about me not being arrested.”

“No, you’re not being arrested. What is your name then so maybe we can properly identify you.”

“My name is Y/n Winchester. I grew up in Lawrence, Kansas, and have been all over the country,” I shake my head at what I just said, “I shouldn't have said any of that.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m wanted for murder. A crime I didn't commit, but I can’t prove that i didn’t because you wouldn’t believe me.”

“She isn’t anything Captain Rogers. She’s just human. But the thing is, Miss Winchester, we don’t have anything on you. No date of birth, no address, no nothing.” A man with an eye patch announced, as he walked in.

“My name is Y/n Winchester, I live in Lebanon, Kansas, I was born October 13, 1981. My parents are Mary and John Winchester. I have two brothers named Dean and Sam. Dean was born on January 24, 1979. Sam was born on May 2, 1983. My brothers, and I live in Lebanon. Please, please, you have to believe me.”

“Y/n, I believe you, but it doesn’t make any sense how you are here, but it’s like you don’t exist.”

“What year is this?”

“2012?”

“May I ask your names? And where you’re from?”

“I’m Steve Rogers. I’m from Brooklyn.”

“Nick Fury. And that’s classified.” The man in the eye patch stated. He seemed very secretive, and I didn’t understand why. Guess he didn’t trust me. Which was fair.

“So Steve, Brooklyn. When were you born.”

“That is also classified.” Nick Fury said.

“So many secrets.”

“I don’t want you to get overwhelmed.”

“If you knew my field of work you would know that I don’t get overwhelmed easily. My grandfather came from 1958 through a closet in our motel room. I saw my mom’s father be resurrected. I’ve seen my brothers die and come back as if nothing happened. Whatever you have to say , it won't shock me.”

“Fine. I was born July 4, 1918.”

“Wow. I mean it isn;t impossible, but I’ve never heard of a human staying alive for that long.”

“Look, I know you two want to chat about how it’s possible for the captain to have survived so long, but we need you two. Steve, I want you to train her.”

“What? Train me for what?”

“You’re not serious about this.”

“Dead serious captain. I’ll let Stark know that you have taken on this task, and that he has nothing to worry about.”

I sat there looking between the two men. I wasn’t going to be trained like a circus monkey. Whoever these men were, they were very odd, yet oddly familiar. I began to struggle in my restraints to get them to loosen up.

“Help her out of those, I fear we have a lot of work to do.”

Steve nods and comes to help me. As soons as my first hand was free, I landed a punch to his face. I loosened my other hand and began running. I ran into a bathroom and changed into my clothes. I had to get out of there, but just when I thought the coast was clear, I ran into a group of guards, and they dragged me out to a car. This was it. I was probably actually going to jail now.

We pulled up to a big building, and they let me out. I was surprised they actually trusted me to not run off this time. The men make a circle formation to probably make sure I don’t take off again. They lead me to a big open room, and they guard the door. I look around seeing if maybe Nick Fury, or Steve, were in the room. I noticed a man at the far corner window in the room looking out. I looked back at the guards thinking maybe they left a hole for me to escape.

“Don’t even try. They will kill you if I order them to, so don’t even think about trying to escape.”

“Who are you?”

He turns to face me, “My name is Alexander Pierce. I’m the director here at S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“Isn’t that the thing that you use to protect yourself from enemy attacks?”

“Yes, but this organization is called S.H.I.E.L.D. It stands for…”

“Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.” Nick Fury interrupted.

“Thanks for that Nick. I just wanted to meet the girl that the whole world is talking about.”

“Because of how you came to this world. It wasn’t natural.” Alexander Pierce said.

“Nothing in my life is natural. What makes this situation any different. The fact that it’s like I don’t even exist is unnatural.”

“We were able to locate the bunker in Lebanon, but there was no sign of anyone having ever lived there. It’s an old storage warehouse.” Nick Fury stated.

“Did you go inside?” I asked no believing him.

“I didn’t, but my men did. All they reported was cobwebs, and boxes that were filled with old machinery parts.”

“That’s not possible. I mean maybe the men of letters bunker might be a little dirty, but there should be something there. I mean Sam and Dean wouldn’t have found it yet, but there has to be something.”

“Men of Letters?”

“Um, they are an organization that is made of men who help protect society from threats, but no one really ever knows about them. It’s a lot safer that way.”

“We aren’t aware of any group out there like that.” Mr. Peirce spoke immediately.

“That’s kind of the point, but they were killed off back in the 50s. So, there is no one left to carry the legacy other than me and my brothers.”

“I think we should get her settled in. Get her a place set up where she can rest and gain her thoughts.” Nick Fury said, pushing me gently towards the door guarded by the men.

“Why the rush? I think she should be able to get a tour of the facility.”

“If she wants a tour, Steve Rogers can show her around. I don’t think anyone other than an Avenger should be escorting her around outside of her apartment.”

“Alright. I guess you have a point.” Mr. Pierce didn’t seem too happy about that decision.

“Mr. Rogers will show you to your place. It’s all set up for you. He has the key for you.” Nick Fury stated, ignoring Pierce.

“Thank you. I hope we get all of this straightened out soon. I don’t want to be a bother to anyone, or cause any more trouble.”

“It’s no trouble. Trust me, and we could use someone with your spunk.”

“Because I did. I'm trying to learn how people talk nowadays. It was that obvious though, huh?”

“Just a little. What do you mean how people talk nowadays? What are you like a hundred?”

“Pretty close. Like 94.”

“I was kidding.”

“Wish I was.”

“This day just keeps getting weirder and weirder.”

Steve and I walk out of the building, and he leads the way to where I would be staying. It was a tiny little apartment complex, but it looked cozy. This was where my comfort level was. In tiny cramped spaces that seemed like they wouldn't be big enough for one, but you fit 4.

“I'm on the floor just above you, so if you need anything, or just need a friend, you can come find me.” Steve smiled.

“Thank you. That's very kind of you.” He nods and goes to walk away, “Steve?”

“Yes?”

“Will you tell me how you look so young? What's your secret?”

“Super soldier serum, and being frozen in ice for 70 years.”

“I see. Very interesting combination.”

“I didn’t mean to completely catch you off guard with that.” Steve apologised.

“Don’t apologise. If you heard what I dealt with on an almost daily basis, then you would know that is not the weirdest thing, or most bizarre thing I have ever heard.”

“Good. Now go get some sleep. Fury wants to see how you train. He wants to see what makes you special.”

“Nothing. There’s your answer. I’m not special, the life I believed I lived for so long is no longer. My brothers somehow don’t exist, and I’m stuck here. I wish Cas was here right now. He would know what to do.”

“He was my boyfriend. He may go by another name, he used to be known as Jimmy Novak?”

“I’ll see what I can find, but I think you should rest.”

“Goodnight Steve.”

“Night.”

Steve walked out, and I shut the door behind him. I wasn’t used to such a nice place to live in, but here I was. Sam and Dean would have been so jealous if they saw this place. I really missed them, and I wish they were here with me. I didn’t get the chance to fix things between me and Dean, but I guess I did tell Cas I was okay if the portal closed behind me. At least I would be one step closer to finding our mom, and getting her back.

The next morning I woke up, and hoped that all of it was just a bad dream. That I had never opened that stupid portal in the first place, but alas, that was not the case. I trudged out of bed, and was going to take a shower when I heard knocking on my door.

“Y/n, it’s Steve.”

“Hold on. I’m coming.” I yelled/loudly talked back. I walked to the door and opened it letting him inside.

“I would have thought you have been up and dressed by now.”

“I would have, but I needed my beauty sleep, and time to process all of this.”

“Well, I have some good news for you, we found this Jimmy Novak guy. Fury tracked him down.”

“I really appreciate that Steve, but let me guess, he has a family.”

“That was going to be the bad news.”

“Look I really appreciate you trying, but even if Jimmy didn’t have anyone, it wouldn’t be the same.”

“Look, Fury gave me permission to take you to Lebanon to see that bunker you were talking about.”

“That would be nice. I want to see for myself that what he said he saw was truly nothing. I mean I know it probably is that way, but I have to see for myself. I have to know that my brothers truly don’t exist in this world.”

“Go and get ready. I’ll meet you downstairs when you’re ready, okay?”

“Sounds good. Thank you so much Steve.”

“Of course. I want to bring you peace for whatever is going on. I just want to help. I want to be a friend to you.”

“You have really proved that Steve. Let me go get ready, I’ll be down in an hour okay?”

“Sounds good.” He smiles, and sees himself out.

I go and take a shower quickly and dress in some of the clothes that Fury, or Steve, must have bought while I was still in the hospital. He was a really nice guy, and I really appreciated everything he has done for me. It just felt so weird to be in a place that didn’t have my brothers in it.

I got dressed quickly, and headed downstairs to meet Steve. He was standing outside in front of a nice sedan. Nicer than any car I have been in other than the back of a police car. Though, the Impala was a nice car, it still had that old timey feel which I guess is why Dean liked it so much.

“You ready?” Steve asked, opening the passenger side door for me.

“As I’ll ever be.” I smiled, and climbed in.

Steve got in the driver’s side, and started the car. He drove off heading to Kansas. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared that I wouldn’t find any answers about whether or not the Men of Letters actually existed. I didn’ know what I would do if the life I lived before waking up in that hospital was gone. I guess I would just have to wait and see.

#marvelfluffbingo2021 #spnfluffbingo2021 #dean x sister!reader #sam x sister!reader #bucky x reader #steve x reader #castiel x reader #dean winchester #sam winchester #bucky barnes #steve rogers #castiel #natasha romanoff #tony stark #bruce banner #clint barton #thor #the black dove

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sillysunshinesstuff · 3 years

Text

Ok so this is totally bullshit and totally disproven but indulge my rambling.

We know Sam was supposed to be the main protagonist. The show started with his perspective and the story starts after his tragedy. The first few seasons then follow that type of story telling. It's from Sam's perspective, his view of the story. (again, I know this changes with Dean becoming main protag but listen) So Supernatural is from Sam's perspective. It's his view on how their stories went down. Narratively, it had to be unreliable. He only gets a limited view of the story and characters around him. This means what we saw isn't necessarily the true story.

That's where Dean and Cas come in.

What if their very hetero friendship was only because that's how Sam viewed it? The story is put together through what he saw and was told, so perhaps he didn't see everything. Maybe Dean didn't tell him everything. Maybe this is why deancas scenes are always so fucking charged and nobody knows why. It's why such intense devotion happened with only very minimal interaction between the characters. Maybe there was more to the story that nobody told Sam about.

Think of the intense stare downs with absolutely no explanation. The big declarations of " I did it, all of it, for you" "I need you" and "I forgive you, of course I forgive you." "I love you." Romantically coded scenes but since Sam didn't explicitly see it, he views it as friendship because his dumb brother and best friend never showed him the more, the in-between. It's why all the bigger arcs later, the Cain/Colette/Cas arc, the Amara/Dean/Cas arc, the widower arc, the divorce arc, are all romantic but since Sam never saw more, it was never expressed as such to the audience.

Think of the mixtape. Why didn't we see Dean give it to Cas? Why do we only see Dean telling Cas it's a gift and you keep those? Perhaps it's something one of them mentioned to Sam, perhaps he saw Cas listening to it and filled in the blanks. Perhaps the deancas narrative is only half there because Sam was kept from most of it.

Or what about Tombstone and husband cowboy costumes? We learned Dean and Cas marathon movies together but never saw it because Sam never saw it happen. He only saw them interacting like dorks during the case. He only saw Dean's intense happiness at having Cas back.

In my opinion, Dean and Cas have been together for a long ass time. Probably off and on. That's why Dean's grief and feelings for Cas are always front and center because Sam can't make sense on why they're so much more intense than his own. It's why Dean has had no love interests (few exceptions?) but Sam doesn't really pay that fact any mind.

Now this all hinges on Sam being a bit naive and not connecting the dots. And you know what, it makes sense. Sam's fatal flaw the first few seasons was his selfishness. Went to college, left his family, left Dean, and just tried to erase it all. (Not selfish things in my opinion but the show does frame it as such) It's why narratively, he had to make the selfless sacrifice at the end of season 5. He's definitely grown from that flaw but maybe not in regards to Dean. Dean is his parent and children don't really pay attention to their parents. We love and care for them, but we assume they're gonna handle their own shit and we don't need to be part of that. Sam stays naive because it's not a big deal. Dean sticks with him and Cas is their best friend. Why does there need to be more to it than that? Why should he care?

So perhaps the confession scene was something Dean and Cas had always avoided. Love. I mean, they got divorced in the last season. Maybe they still weren't together, even after Dean forgave him and apologized himself. Maybe they both felt like it was too much to come back from and therefore didn't get back together. "You don't have to say it, I heard your prayer." They both thought they were done. That they were out of love and that was that. But Cas called bullshit and said he loved Dean. Had always loved Dean and always will. That was his moment of true happiness. Letting Dean know that after years of being together, he loved him. Through all the pain and suffering, he loved him and it wasn't over. Would never be over, not for him at least.

Maybe when Dean recounted this to Sam, it finally clicked as romantic. But he never thought to consider their past and how the confession was built up to. He probably just thought it was a random confession after years of unrequited love. Never considering that maybe the love was requited the entire time and acted upon. That maybe these two had been together all along but things always got in their way of being happy. That Chuck always threw something at them to keep them apart because they were the one part of his story he did not write. This was Sam's story. It was never supposed to be a love story.

Remember when Dean ran to the door after Lucifer/Cas phone call? Even though Lucifer only ever pretends to be romantic love interests? Requited love interests his target is/has been in a relationship with? It's because Dean was running to his love of many years.

In conclusion, Sam is a clueless unreliable narrator and Deancas has been together the whole time. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#i know how easily this can be disproven #there's so much evidence against it #but it makes me happy so imma throw it out there #because i can #supernatural #destiel #deancas #dean winchester #castiel #dean x castiel #spn

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wannabe-fic-writer · 4 years

Text

Natasha Romanoff x Reader : Thin Line

Summary: You’re wild and free. She’s strict and trained. You and Natasha are polar opposites and it drives her crazy. Each move you make annoys her to no end. But, there’s a thin line between annoyance and adoration.

Rating: 18+ Violence, Mentions of Death, and Smut

Chapter 4

Natasha Romanoff is a cuddler. Yes the bad ass, red head, assassin likes to cuddle.

You didn’t know it at first, and honestly you didn’t think she’d want to do it, but you soon found out how wrong you were.

It took you by surprise. Both you and Natasha had packed your things up and loaded on to the Quinjet, since Fury was asking for you to come back. You had helped her check over everything and sweep the jet for any tampering, before settling into a seat in the back.

You, thinking Natasha was going to fly, dove into your thoughts. Which of course revolved around the enticing woman.

There was this feeling swarming through you. It nagged at you to figure out what’s going on between you and Natasha and you hated it. Just when things had started to get better, with her no longer hating you, your feelings begged to be acknowledged.

Why? Why couldn’t you just be satisfied with kissing her and whatever else comes with it? Why did you feel the need to define it?

It was with that thought that she chose to come over. After turning on autopilot, she eased into the seat beside you and pulled your arms around her, relaxing back into your body.

You were frozen for a good minute, until her lips pressed against your hand. The whole interaction gave you butterflies. Butterflies that you still feel along with a bit of anxiousness as F.R.I.D.A.Y tells you you’re a half hour away from the compound.

“Is there a reason your heart is beating so fast?” Natasha asks, voice barely above a whisper.

The breath you take in is shaky,“ I’m just uh- well- we’re not telling the team about any of this, right? Or do we like, need to disclose or something?”

“Y/N,” she shifts to face you but makes sure your hands stay on her,“ we don’t need to disclose anything. Just try not to freak out over any of this okay?”

A frown marks your face,“ so it is obvious I’m freaking out. I’m sorry about that, by the way, I’m sure the last thing you want is me over thinking whatever this is.”

“Why would that be the last thing I want?” She narrows her eyes at you.

Her question has you stumbling over simple words, mashing syllables together to form some type of coherent statement.

“If you don’t say something I can understand I’m going to be forced to use extreme measures.” She half teases.

You chuckle and shake your head.

“Now answer the question.”

“I just don’t want to make this awkward by asking what all this means or what we are. There’s no reason to rush and label it but my brain isn’t exactly on board with that idea.”

She pulls a smile, a small one, but still a smile,“ just relax. If we ever get to a point where the team needs to know, they’ll know. And I agree that we should take things slow. I’ve never done this before so I’d rather not-”

“I get it.” You smile back,“ consider this topic tabled until further notice.”

“Okay.”

“Still,” you turn her so she’s back in your arms and rest your chin on her shoulder,“ I know it’s gonna be hard for you when we get back. Keeping this from the team means you can’t be all over me like you love.”

Natasha is quick to look back at you as if you’d grown another head,“ me? You’re the problem.”

“Sure, whatever helps you-”

Not wanting to hear your cocky little remarks, Natasha kisses you, and then pulls away to go pilot the jet.

“That’s exactly what I mean, you find me irresistible.”

“Shut up Y/L/N.”

The second the jet lands you’re snatching up your bag and exiting.

Green eyes follow your every move and Natasha’s heart clenches.

Could you really not wait to get away from her? Had everything you’d done on the mission simply because Fury told you to play nice?

Only for your face to pop back around the corner,“ you coming pretty girl?”

Meanwhile, the guys wait anxiously in the common room. Having heard the jet land they prepare themselves for the bickering they’re about to hear, that or only one of you walking through that door(their money being on Natasha).

Except there isn’t any bickering when you and Natasha step out of the elevators, there isn’t even a frown. You’re smiling as you speak to the assassin and she’s maintaining her usual stoic expression.

“Uh, hey.” Clint says, grabbing your attention,“ how was the mission?”

Raising an eyebrow at Natasha, you chuckle, and turn to the guys,“ it was a success obviously, basically guaranteed when Fury assigned me.”

This earns a chuckle from the guys and agreeing cocky remarks from Tony and Sam.

Natasha rolls her eyes,“ you’re all incorrigible. Where’s Wanda?”

All the guys mumble a different answer which earns a skeptical gaze from Natasha.

“Yeah, way to sell it guys.” You pull a thumbs up with a sarcastic smile.

Before any of the guys can reply Wanda does.

“Natasha, you’re back.” She steps out of the kitchen.

“Ha I was right!” Sam exclaims.

You roll your eyes, instead focusing on the girls.

Natasha gestures to you,“ I doubt you two have met yet, Wanda this is Y/N our newest teammate, Y/N this is Wanda.”

Despite her being here all the time this was in fact the first time you’ve actually met Wanda. You’ve seen her around but neither of you have ever spoken. Mainly because she kept to herself but also because she was with Natasha a lot, the woman who previously disliked you.

However, you’re glad to meet her and you tell her that, which almost makes her smile.

“It’s nice to meet you too Y/N.” Wanda nods, her Sokovian accent lacing each word.

“So Wanda, how’re you getting on here? The guys drive you nuts while we were gone?” You make conversation as Natasha goes over to Clint after his not so subtle gestures.

The brunette shrugs,“ they’re not all intolerable.”

You follow the flicker of her gaze to Vision the very quiet and observant humanoid. Had she not looked at him you wouldn’t have even known he was here.

You smirk,“ you two talk often?” You make sure not to ask loudly so as to not alert anyone to the Sokovian’s possible crush.

Her eyes widen in the slightest as she looks at you, but she still answers,“ no. But we’re both busy so-”

“Yo Vision!” You call to him, and he wastes no time coming over.

“Agent Y/L/N, Miss Maximoff.” He nods to the both of you.

Wanda blushes at his presence alone, murmuring,“ I told you to call me Wanda.”

Smiling softly you place a hand on his shoulder,“ we were just talking about team movie night tonight and Wanda was saying how she could use some help preparing snacks and stuff but I’ll be busy in debrief, those guys are incompetent, which makes you the perfect candidate to aid the gorgeous Chef Maximoff.”

Vision’s attraction is instantly noticeable as the android stammers over his words, struggling to put together a proper sentence.

“So we’re all in agreement,” you put gentle hands on their shoulders and walk them to the kitchen,“ menu doesn’t matter just don’t forget popcorn. Perfect, Vision stick close to that one.” You wink at Wanda and leave quickly.

You step over to Clint and Natasha,“ hate to interrupt best friend time but Romanoff and I have a mission to wrap up. Don’t fret we’ll be available for movies in a couple hours.”

With that you gesture to Natasha to follow you.

It’s not until you’re both down the hall that she raises a brow at you,“ what, pray tell, needs to be finished with the mission? Also what was that with Wanda and Vision?”

“Questions, questions, questions.” You tease.

Taking you completely by surprise, she pushes you against the wall. Her hands trapped you in but she didn’t touch your body at all, still you feel the heat radiating off her.

You raise an eyebrow,“ now what did we say about self control?”

“Why is it that you don’t answer questions, Y/L/N?” Her eyebrow quirks as well.

“Why is it that you ask so many questions, Romanoff?”

Silence settles as you both stare into each others eyes. Her gaze is inquisitive, one that she holds a lot with you.

The gap between you two close without you even noticing. Natasha’s breath fans your lips and that alone makes you lean in to kiss her. She smirks, cocky that you’re the one not able to control yourself.

“I win.” She whispers.

You grab her shoulders, spurned on by her words, and switch positions. She can’t suppress the moan that leaves her lips when her back hits the wall, and she wraps her arms around your neck.

Hands grip her hips as you deepen the kiss with a bite to her bottom lip. And she gasps giving the perfect opportunity to slip your tongue into her mouth. That alone has her hands roaming your body feverishly and it just feeds your need for her. And it makes you feel oh so cocky.

Cocky enough to run your fingers under her shirt, hooking your fingers into the waistline of her pants to pull her closer. You place a trail of kisses from her lips to her neck.

“Y/N,” she breathes against the shell of your ear making you shiver and pull away just as she’s dying for it to continue.

She chases after your lips, nearly pushing off the wall to capture them again.

“Eager much?” You joke breathlessly.

Her hand grips your neck,“ I don’t like to be teased Y/L/N.”

“That’s just too bad Romanoff.”

You leave her there with a smirk on your face, feeling her gaze until you turn the corner.

*****

To your surprise you don’t see Natasha again after that for a while.

After you left her in the hallway, desperate and aroused, you expected her to follow after you but she didn’t. So, you took your things to your room and put them away. It was nice to have a bit of a breather after everything that’s happened the past week.

You were able to shut your eyes for a half hour before you got too antsy to sit still. Which resulted in you going to the gym until your body was dripping sweat and your breathing was ragged.

It’s Steve who comes looking for you, informing you that Wanda and Vision are finished cooking and that everyone’s deciding on a movie.

“Alright, be there in a minute.” You nod to him, leaving the gym beside him, and heading to your room.

One shower and a clean set of clothes later, your stepping into the kitchen. You take a deep breath in, inhaling the delicious smell of the food Vision and Wanda made.

“Well damn, it smells great in here, you two are a dream team.” You compliment, eyes traveling over the blushing Witch and the bashful android, to land on an expressionless Red Head Assassin.

Vision speaks,“ thank you Agent Y/L/N, I thoroughly enjoyed cooking with Miss Maximoff.”

“I bet.” You nod, still looking at Natasha.

She was looking at you as well but unlike usual you can’t read her hidden expression.

“This movie is gonna start with our without you guys!” Tony calls.

Chuckling, you assist Vision, Wanda, and Natasha with bringing the food into the common room.

Apparently Tony’s movie suggestion, Hunger Games, won. You all know he chose it just to pick at Clint throughout the movie.

Seats fill up quickly and the remaining one is beside, lucky you, Natasha.

Giving her a smirk, plop into the seat beside her. As the movie starts, you discreetly snuggle closer to Natasha’s side, earning narrowed eyes from her.

You lean down to whisper in her ear,“ awe, don’t tell me you’re mad at me Pretty Girl.”

She runs her tongue along the inside of her jaw, thoughts running a mile a minute.

Of course she ins’t mad at you. Well, maybe a little. More than that, she’s so incredibly frustrated. You kissed her the way you did, put your hands on her skin setting her alight, and then you left her there.

She’s still frustrated, sitting next to you with her thighs clenched together searching for friction. She can’t say she did everything to get rid of the feeling because she really wanted you to take care of her needs, but she didn’t want to freak you out by moving too fast.

Especially after that moment in the jet.

Reading you was easy, sometimes, so she picked up on what was running through your head before you said anything.

Labeling it was something she thought about but let’s face it, that would be a bit much so soon. She’d just realized she likes you only to kiss you seconds after that. If anything she was freaking out over it moving too fast. She’s never felt like this before and to feel this way so fast, she’s sure she’s losing it.

You clearing your throat pulls her from her thoughts.

She hadn’t realized how long she’d left you waiting for her response.

“Uh, anyone want a refill?” You ask, standing and glancing around.

Getting no response, you nod, and go into the kitchen.

Natasha waits a beat before grabbing her cup and following after.

“Y/N-”

She watches you lean on the counter,“ I’m sorry if I overstepped earlier. I really should’ve controlled myself better. I don’t know, the way you reacted I thought you liked it but I sh-”

“Y/N stop, god stop. You didn’t overstep at all. If anything you under-stepped.”

Your eyebrows shoot up,“ huh?”

Natasha sets her cup down and rounds the counter to you. She grabs your hips and rests her forehead against your chest.

“I’m not and was not mad at you. Just so incredibly frustrated. The way you touched me, I-”

Just like that you were smirking again. With a quick irrational thought, you hoist her up on the counter and attach your lips to hers.

It’s as if the kiss from earlier had never stopped. Your hands are on each other adamantly, touching everything possible, except her hands linger on your arms and neck as that’s where your skin is exposed.

“You know,” you breathe against her neck,“ you could’ve just found me. I wouldn’t have hesitated to take care of you pretty girl.”

She moans at your words alone. Her legs are wrapped around your waist and in her attempt to squeeze her thighs together she ends up pulling you closer.

“Then take care of me.” She bites your ear.

And that makes you moan and kiss her again.

“Now this,” you two snap apart at the sound of Tony’s voice,“ does not look like your refilling drinks.”

Your eyes widen.

Natasha over comes her surprise quickly,“ Stark, you keep your mouth shut about this, understand.”

She leaves no room for argument and Tony chuckles.

“Don’t worry, I happen to like being the only person who knows things. Just don’t have sex on my counters yeah.” With that he walks out, leaving you alone again.

For a moment you two stay quiet, before you’re laughing and shaking your head.

“Well if that isn’t a sign I don’t know what is.”

She quirks an eyebrow at you,“ a sign that what?”

“That next time we should be in a more private area.”

Pink dusts her cheeks and she places a kiss on your lips,“ I’ll hold you to that.”

*****

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fkingsteverogers · 3 years

Text

Tell Me We’ll Be Just Fine

A/N: A couple points: 1) I made a new blog for these writings to make them easier to find 2) I have a tag list! lmk if you want to be added to it 3) For my non US babes and others, your third amendment rights say you can’t be forced to house soldiers. Long Story Short

Contains TFATWS Episode 5 spoilers

****

With John Walker being Honorably Discharged after an International Incident, you’re stuck under house arrest. (The United States Government would tell you house arrest is too strong of a word, it’s simply Strongly Advised you stay in your apartment.) You want to scream from the rooftops that you had nothing to do with him, that it was all an act, but you’re being Strongly Advised, so that’s not an option. You hope, wherever he is, Bucky is having a better time than you are.

Five Days; Eastern Europe:

Bucky is not having a good time. They’re in a country where everyone wants them dead, holed up in a shitty motel and all he can think of is the absolutely devastated look on your face when he walked out the door. It makes him brood.

“You have to talk about her sometime.”

“Who?”

“Whoever makes you frown like that.”

“‘M not frowning. What do you know about it anyway? You’re single.” So maybe he was being an ass about it. You were so far away, probably cuddled up with John or Steve, and he was here, sitting in a motel room with Sam. John Walker was probably feeling you up right now, running his hand over those beautiful thighs of yours as you kissed him, making soft little noises--he clenches his fist so hard he breaks the bowl he’d been holding, splattering rice and beans all over the floor cracked tile floor.

“Yo, man, what the fuck?!”

Day One; New York City:

Steve’s allowed to visit, because of course he is. He flashes some badge and the guards (who are Strongly Advising you), stand down. “Why are you here, Stevie?” And you hate that you still call him Stevie. Stevie is what you called him on the quiet nights when you two were alone and he was still yours. Steve gives you his sad smile and you want to fall into his arms, to sob into his chest and tell him how you fucked it all up. You don’t.

“Just go, Stevie.”

Four Days; Eastern Europe:

Sam goes to do some surveillance, announcing that he “couldn’t deal with this shit,” leaving Bucky alone in the shitty room they were sharing. Before he’d been deployed, he would’ve spent an afternoon alone in a hotel curled up with a pretty girl or a handsome boy. During the war, he’d spend a quiet day catching up on some sleep or rereading a well loved copy of The Hobbit. During his Hydra days (which he hated thinking about but also couldn’t stop thinking about), there really weren’t days off. There were days where he killed and days where he didn’t. Since then, he’d spent most of his days off trying to remember how to be a human.

You had made those days feel like living again. And now you were John’s girl, dressed all pretty up for him and everything. Bucky’d been fucking stupid to think you’d want someone like him, someone damaged, someone with blood on his hands. You were good and soft and pretty. You spoke four languages and had probably read every book ever written.

You’d been good enough for Steve.

He breaks another bowl and has to lay down after.

Day Three; New York City:

You glare down the solider that’s sitting in your kitchen, eating a sandwich. “This is violating my Third Amendment Rights, you know.”

The smug bastard grins and keeps eating his sandwich.

Two Days; Louisiana:

“That shield’s the closest thing I’ve got left to a family, so when you retired it, I felt like I had nothing left.”

The mission had gone down as well as any of their missions go, they’d been shot at, gotten out by the skin of their teeth. Sam left to go back home as soon as he could, Bucky followed. Where else did he have to go?

“You have her.”

He didn’t, not really.

“I don’t want to talk about her, Sam.” Bucky tosses the shield, scowling deeply.

Sam sighs, catching the shield. He turned to face his friend, were they friends?, and looked him up and down. “Yeah, you do.” So maybe Bucky does want to talk about you, about how betrayed he feels by you choosing Walker over him. The government hadn’t been powerful enough to stop some gossip magazine from publishing a spread of you and Walker, you in a little red sundress that makes you look incredible and his hand on your thigh. There’s some bullshit story about how you met and had been so enamored with him you’d asked him for coffee on the spot.

It makes Bucky physically sick with rage.

Day Four; New York City:

After four days of being Strongly Advised, you’re ready to start pulling out your hair. The news is nonstop coverage of what happened to John Walker, the green beret who had gone crazy and killed a man in a moment of grief induced rage. And to top it all off, People released a spread that makes you want to scream. The whole shoot hadn’t been your idea, some government publicist had insisted it was necessary to sell the story. In reality, it’d been five hours with John’s hands all over you, grinning like the cat that got the cream. During a break, he’d asked you about Steve, his tone suggesting something that was none of his business.

“You don’t get to talk about Steve.” John had smirked at you, running his tongue over his teeth. It clearly annoyed him, someone thinking he wasn’t good enough for something. “What about your wife, John?” A look of surprise crosses his face but it’s gone in a moment, the mask he wears to keep people out back in place.

“Olivia isn’t part of the deal. I thought we could be friends,” he spits the word out like it’s dirty, “but clearly you’re not interested in that, clearly you’re interested in--”

“Be careful how you finish that sentence, John.” Your voice is low, betraying the landmine he’s almost stepped on. Given the chance, you’d stab John Walker in his pretty face. Decades in prison means nothing when the love of your life abandoned you and the man you thought you could count on ran out. (So maybe you were thinking about Bucky, it doesn’t actually matter.)

Bucky had been a solid presence in a sea of uncertainty. He’d made you feel safe and okay. After Steve’s departure and the death of Tony, the only member of your family left, solid and safety had been in short supply. He’d showed up, ate his cold beans in silence in the kitchen, and hadn’t left. He’d made you laugh in a way you hadn’t in months. You’d developed a routine, Bucky would wake up before you and boil water for tea, you’d stumble out and cook something to serve as breakfast, and you’d both go about your days. In the evenings, you’d come together, talk about the stupid shit that had happened during the day, watch a movie on Friday nights, and go to bed. It was nice to have a routine, something and someone you could depend on.

The nights had been quiet since he left.

Twelve Hours; New York City:

Bucky’s plane lands and he breathes a sigh of relief.

It’s raining when he steps out of the airport, a down pour by anyone’s standards. Fine by him, less people to avoid. He manages to make it to the little coffee shop outside your apartment without getting too soaked. Going up there wasn’t an option, not when you were probably angry with him for running out. So he sits, drinks endless cups of coffee and watches.

“She takes it two creams, no sugar, if you want to bring it up to her.” Bucky turns and finds himself face to face with Steve. His friend looks old, but happy, at peace even. There’s so much he wants to say, he wants to ask Steve why he left, what he thought about Walker. He wants to punch him or throttle him or hug him. Bucky wants a long fucking hug.

“I don’t think she wants to see me, punk.” Steve sits, shaking his head.

“I didn’t think she wanted to see me, either. Sometimes she doesn’t know what’s good for her..”

Before Bucky can reply, before he can really process what Steve is saying, he gets a text from Sam and he’s off to save the world again.

Day Five; New York City:

Because the universe hates you, you can’t even use your phone to entertain yourself. Someone leaked your personal number and it hadn’t stopped ringing since. And, since the internet has no nuance, they’re mostly death threats. You’re reading a book when the guards who are Strongly Advising you abandon their posts. There’s something going on, something that no one bothers to inform you about.

You go back to reading your book. Hopefully Bucky’s not being thrown through a wall.

Thirty Minutes; New York City:

Bucky gets thrown through a wall.

It fucking hurts and he’s dizzy after. Like can’t-walk-straight-am-I-actually-drunk-dizzy. Sam, the useless bastard, loads him into a taxi, tells him he’ll be fine, and gives the driver your address. Bucky’s dimly aware of this fact, aware of the fact that this poor man is driving him, a bleeding super solider, to the one place he wanted to be but wasn’t welcome.

Two Minutes; New York City:

The guards aren’t back by the time the downstairs buzzer starts ringing incessantly. You’re in the middle of your book, right at the moment where the head-strong damsel and the Lord she hated are about to kiss. You try to ignore it, With a groan, you stomp down to the doors.

Standing there, half supported by Vasily, the Russian cabbie (who is definitely into some shady business), is Bucky.

Now; New York City:

You thank Vasily, telling him you’ll pay for the cab when you see him on Friday for Shabbat, and take the bleeding Bucky into your arms. Bucky mumbles something, clearly speaking Russian but too lowly for you to actually understand. Vasily glares at him, muttering curses as he stalks away.

Dragging Bucky up to your sixth floor apartment means sharing a run in with Daisy Mae, your elderly neighbor who’s 90% blind and enjoys loitering in the elevator. She seems to take offense to Bucky mumbling Russian children’s songs to himself.

“Speak English dear, not Communism. We’re in the United States.”

“Mind the business that pays you, Daisy Mae.”

She hmphs, but doesn’t say anything else. Bucky, for his part, gives a rousing performance of the Russian alphabet. Finally, you get Bucky into your apartment and unceremoniously drop him on your couch.

It’s not long before he falls asleep, leaving you to stare at him for hours, wondering just what he’s going to say when he wakes up.

When he does wake up, it’s to the scent of your soap, sweet watermelon that always leaves an aching in the pit of his stomach. Waking up on your couch, smelling your soap, and listening to you cook feels like a dream. How many times had he thought about this exact moment while he was with Sam? Soon enough you’d turn the corner from the kitchenette and smile at him, that beautiful smile that never failed to make him feel a little dizzy.

And then he’d wake up in a shitty hotel room, listening to Sam take a shit through the paper thin walls.

He waits, but when you appear, you’re frowning anxiously. And God, you’re so fucking beautiful. You’re wearing a pair of tiny sleep shorts that expose your long legs to his greedy eyes. Your hair is pushed back off your face, exposing the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen.

Steve was a lucky man, to be able to love you. Maybe one day he’ll find a woman like you to love, if he’s lucky. Has he ever been lucky?

Bucky looks confused when you appear holding tea. “Hi.” He doesn’t say anything back, just frowns back. Your mind races, realizing he probably doesn’t want to see you, that he was dropped off here by some well meaning friend, and he was going to get up and walk out the door again.

“At least let me clean you up before you go.” Bucky nods wordlessly, looking like he’s still a little stunned. He takes a seat at the kitchen table as you pull down the first aid kit you’d put together when Steve was still here. There’s a cut above his eyebrow that’s still oozing a little blood. It’s in such a place you have to situate yourself between his legs in order to get to it.

It’s quiet while you work, Bucky’s never been a man of many words and now he’s probably trying to figure out how to tell you you’re never going to see him again. As soon as he’s cleaned up well enough that you’re satisfied he won’t die sitting at your kitchen table, you step away to admire your handy work. Bucky’s left hand, his metal hand, catches your wrist and pulls you back to him. It holds you there while his right hand comes up to cup your face, running a thumb over your cheekbone.

“You’re so beautiful.”

He’s not sure what possesses him when he pulls you back into him. All he knows is if he doesn’t get you close, if he doesn’t tell you how fucking beautiful you are, he won’t be able to breathe. You make a little noise of exasperation, your gorgeous lips parting. “I mean it.” “Bucky…” You try to pull away but he holds you there, studying every inch of your face and committing it to memory. There’s an electricity between the two of you, it feels like the air is charged enough to light that stupid snail lamp you’d bought from Arrow or whatever that store you loved was called. “Bucky…” You repeat, your voice softer, in a tone he can’t quite describe

Before either of you can move or say anything else, the door swings open to reveal Sam and Torres, flanked by three soldiers. None of them take notice of what feels like a very compromising position.

“Oh good, you’re here, Sargent Barnes. You're all being moved to a safe house. Pack enough for an indeterminate amount of time.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #tfatws #tfatws x reader #tfatws imagine #I hope ya'll like this one as much as the other one!!#these idiots don't realize they're in love and I HATE it #I have all kinds of plans and I'm so excited for this to become a series #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #ls!reader #Sara writes

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