if you make friends with people during the lowest point of both of your life, many times this same starting point that bond both of you will become a dealbreaker
especially when you start wanting better and to start living for yourself
so don’t be surprised if you chronically ill folks still choosing to mask up and take covid precautions will cause your other friends to rile up, and disappear on you
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Grieve
I grieve.
All the unsaid words that you didn’t get to hear.
All the untold stories I have yet to share.
All the tears we have yet to shed together.
All the Marvel movies we’d watch because you insisted that we do.
All the late night calls and giggles.
All the secrecy and inside jokes.
I grieve.
Your voice, your presence. The only true home I felt safe in.
Your eyes, your teeth. The random compliments I’d say to you.
Your jokes, your breathing. The way you’d chew so loud, I knew you ate something.
I grieve.
The love I am not able to give you.
The laughter we don’t get to share.
The peacefulness of us we don’t feel with anyone else.
The expectant texts and calls.
The random reminders of how much we mean to each other.
I grieve you
- n
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It seems to me, that if we love, we grieve. That's the deal. That's the pact. Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief is the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable.
Nick Cave
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Grief & Plants
Why do I feel comfortable sharing so many details of my life in Tumblr? Do you feel that way too? I think it is the fact that you share without knowing who's gonna read it, hoping there will be no judgement or bullying.
The 2-year anniversary of my dad's dead is getting closer and closer. The 2-year anniversary of my step dad's dead was just 3 months ago and I haven't been able to cry, even though I want to. Every single day a song, a video, a picture, a conversation with a customer, a Tupperware gifted, the fucking weather all remind me of all the time I had to let them reconnect, to amend things and build a relationship. Regrets, I lost my chance.
I'm committed to use my passion for plants and gardening and this Tumblr page to heal, to release my thoughts and hopefully even help people like me, in deep grief...bad grief... to do the same, heal and learn to live with the fact that they are physically gone, but alive within us.
I planted the nasturtiums on my pictures and many more when I lost them. I was crying while putting the seeds in the soil. Maybe my tears helped the germination process, but all have bloom and reseeded and everytime I see a new bloom, I smile.
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This time, I'm taking it away
I've got a problem
With me getting in the way
Not by design
So I take my face
And bash it into a mirror
I won't have to see the pain
Pain, pain
This state is elevating
As the hurt turns into hating
Anticipating all the fucked up feelings again
The hurt inside is fading
This shit's gone way too far
All this time, I've been waiting
Oh, I cannot grieve anymore
For what's inside awaking
I'm not, I'm not a whore
You've taken everything
And, oh, I cannot give any more
Korn - Here o Stay
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@sakiyaki-sashimi @crimsonace173 Aight I’m REALLY proud of this poem, and that does not mean this is gonna reach an audience of anyone but me, but it’s fucking awesome. Also you should read the first letter of each verse.
Stages
Don’t tell me what to do -
Everyone is way too mean.
No, I don’t want to hear it -
I’m happier, we’ve seen.
Al this trouble, all this pain -
Leave me alone, to shame!
And don’t tell me “it’s alright.”
No way, it just isn’t fair!
Go away, I don’t care ‘bout you!
Everyone’s mad I wasn’t there,
Right by her side, watching her stare.
But don’t make me go please,
All we do is cry away!
Right, we’ll let her be alone,
Go sleep, then she’ll be free.
As I said, she’ll be free to go,
I just don’t understand.
Now you’re saying she won’t make it,
Is that how it works? Again?
No, I just won’t listen to you,
Go see her, now I’m through.
Darkness makes me happy.
Emotions are way too hard.
Please let me be, all alone.
Reaching sleep is just too far.
Everyone is way too loud.
Singing songs of happiness too.
So, what’s to be happy about?
It’s just as depressing as you!
Oh no, you did it again,
No, this kindness comes to an end.
Actually, maybe I’m alright,
Coming out of my room to breathe.
Come with me, my friends, it’s not that hard,
Ease, my mind is at ease.
Please don’t worry, I’m alright,
The pain is gone with the wind.
All the sadness, washed away,
No more pain for a while again.
Calm down, everything’s alright,
Everyone’s here for the night.
Grandmother, I love you dearly,
Right to the Bottom of my heart.
I know I’ve been sad, everyone has,
Everyone’s pained, when loved ones depart.
Veer from the pain, and we’re all alright,
Everyone loves you, but now, goodnight.
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