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#friendship breakup
impossibleyousay · a day ago
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Like Rosin, Part 2
In college, I figured out that written word and dance were how I most naturally prayed. And it clicked then, that of course they were what I turned to when I was upset. My junior year of high school, the week before Nutcracker auditions when I was still new and felt so raw inside about everything, my roommate took a shower after study time, and I danced alone in our room to Valse des Fleurs. My senior year, the day someone asked me out for the first time, I turned off the light and danced to no music at all with steps I couldn’t explain but still—just a little bit—remember, trying to handle the growing knot in my stomach.
I’m not that person anymore. I used to wonder how someone could stop dancing. But now, I know that it just happens. You let it go, bit by bit, until it fades. Until it’s just snatches of occasional desire or memory. It’s not that I never find myself choreographing short phrases in the kitchen. It’s not that I wouldn’t take a class if I easily could. But it doesn’t feel like something at my core anymore.
The same process is supposed to happen with friendships. Most of the time, you grow away from someone. It’s not a clean break or a messy, ragged one. Your lives go in different directions, and you talk less and less, bit by bit. You think about each other less; you become less tied up in one another. The care fades. That is, the love fades.
It doesn’t mean it was never there. I have trouble with that, sometimes.
But when I was younger, dance was part of the very core of me, and right beside it was writing. It’s not coincidence that one of the most intimate relationships I’ve ever had, one of the friendships that most defined me, was based on the two means of expression I used to talk to God.
I made a mistake, I guess because I thought I could make it. In the fall of my first year of college, my boarding school email was deleted. I had gone through and saved some emails, but very few of them were emails from Leah. I think I was daunted by the hundreds – thousands – of emails there, and I knew that Leah had all of them. I thought that was enough.
When I first started to write this, I was working for the summer at a chemical engineering lab, and I had a lot of free time while waiting. (What no one tells you about experimental research is that it can involve a lot of waiting.) Some of that time I spent going through old emails, and as a result I read thousands—I truly believe that is not an exaggeration—of old emails and chats between Leah and me. But because I didn’t have the boarding school emails, there were gaps, both noticeable and unnoticeable.
There are other gaps, too.
Leah says that the first time we met was in the hallway of the ballet school her first summer there. The only person she knew was Marie, who was in my class, one above where Leah had been placed. In Leah’s telling, I walked by where she was standing, said, “Hi Leah,” and kept going. But the truth is, I’ve never remembered that moment. If it happened, then Marie must have told me who she was. Sometimes I thought I remembered – was I nervous about saying hi? – but most of the time I think I remembered Leah remembering.
So maybe – though I can’t really say, not anymore – I came to know a little of Leah through Marie. And in turn, Leah came to know a little of me entirely separate from the school. She went to camp, and she met one of my church friends. All along, church was a part of how we began, but it was another year before church entered into the story of how we became us.
It’s a little funny, you know, that words and dance were what bound us together, these ways that I prayed, and that church was there, woven through the foundation, whether we knew it or not.
I don’t think it was important in how we unbecame, any of the times. But it was always there nonetheless.
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b1tch · 5 days ago
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I didn’t realise the last time we spoke was a closure conversation for you and not the pathway to fixing things we said it could be. If I had known, I would have said fuck you. The least you could is fight me. 
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selfawaremaniac · a month ago
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7 year friendship down the drain
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sea-myg · a month ago
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I wonder if it would be morally correct to reply to your invitation with
" I don't think we get along very well despite all the years that have passed i cannot sit in the same room with people who have given me enough trauma to ruin my youth ."
It's rather funny how you text me today from the same phone number you were cyber bullying me with .
I guess morals shouldn't matter to you lot because you lack it either way .
I wish I could be a little less egoistic and was a coward so i could fit in like you but i am not . I prefer my respect over bad company .
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whenilostyou · 2 months ago
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right person wrong time does not have the right to hurt this much
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tiredpercyjackson · 2 months ago
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i see all of these posts that are like i miss everyone i’ve ever met <3 if our friendship broke down, know the door is always open <3 and i do NOT relate. if u left my life and wronged me, i hate you and u suck! i never want to see you again and i hope the way you treated me haunts you
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charlieees-chaos · 3 months ago
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15 years
what was the point?
left me hanging in the balance,
the ultimate slap in the face,
you’re a fucking disgrace.
you had to find a scapegoat,
to keep yourself afloat,
too blind to see,
i’m not the enemy.
i never faltered,
never faded,
but you couldn’t let it go,
you just had to deliver,
that final blow.
are you happy?
did it make you feel good?
do you tell everyone,
just how right you think you are?
can’t imagine you far from that posse
but they’ll always be frosty, to
miss sunshine on the outside,
trying to hide the rain,
you had me fooled,
you made me miss it.
but I see you, now,
lonely, dark, and threatened,
can’t let that hometown show,
or else everyone will know,
who you really are.
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kayjellybeans · 3 months ago
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My best friends of 10 years have literally cast me away for no reason. I haven't done anything wrong (not that I know of) and everyone agrees with me of what they've said and done is awful. And I just don't really know how to deal with it really, any advice is welcome?
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impossibleyousay · 2 days ago
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Like Rosin, Part 1
I’ve told you before that I don’t feel comfortable telling our story, that you’re the one who does that. I’ve never been able to explain it well enough to satisfy you – or myself – but part of it probably comes down to something else I’ve told you before: you understand people better than I do.
You said that you don’t write fiction because it ends up too close to the truth. But that’s exactly why I write fiction. I understand the characters by design, and maybe it lets me figure out a little more about the truth. I wrote Heights to understand my relationship with Amy Grace. I started Film to understand what Vidhya might have been like, in a different world, and then... well. You know how that turned out. In the end, it was about you.
In truth, a lot of the fiction I’ve written in the past ten years has ended up that way, whether I intended it or not.
When I write nonfiction, there are always other people involved, and I don’t understand, not fully. It feels like I’m leaving a gap, their voice missing, and too often, it means I’m making a mistake. When I first started writing this, eight years ago now, I wrote that it might be a mistake. Now, I know that it is. But we do some things as closure, and we do some things in lieu of closure.
You decide which one this is.
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petrichara · 4 months ago
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One of my traditions is buying myself a gift on the birthdays of ex-friends
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ultrahopelessinsomniac29 · 5 months ago
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9 years of friendship with M that ended and broke me completely. 9 years of friendship with A that i don't know if it still exists anymore. This one will leave scars for very very long. I can't get up from this one. Any trust that i had in people is gone.
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sea-myg · a month ago
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A victory for today is that i no longer remember the name of the boy you gave up on this friendship for . I no longer care if you are having trouble you're not my problem to fix . We both can survive in this world without each other but when we were together it felt like we couldn't .
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silly-goofy-vibes · 5 months ago
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god, i miss caden. he’s a self centered bitch who can’t fathom the idea of being wrong about how he handles something. but i miss being his friend and having that constant instead of this weird tension now.
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with-the-stars-tonight · 5 months ago
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“Even if we both break down tonight
And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry
I know everything will be alright
I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing
I just need…”
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quack-catherine-quack · 5 months ago
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i hope they accomplish all their dreams, i hope they heal their trauma, i hope their self love never fades. they’ll always have a piece of my heart, i wish them all the happiness in the world
maybe someday we’ll find our way back and i’ll be there to see them become who they’re supposed to be
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tw: toxic friendship, burnout mention
i had a friend breakup a few months ago because i was being treated as a therapist rather than an equal. i have hyperempathy and am in really bad autistic burnout, so it was really getting to me. it's their birthday today, and i can't stop thinking about it. i miss them. i want things to go back to normal, even though "normal" was beyond traumatizing. i guess i just want reassurance, because i'm feeling really lost right now.
Hey anon
I'm sorry you went through that. It's okay to be upset about it.
Change is hard; it makes sense that you're wanting to go back to how things were, even if they were abusive or traumatizing. You still didn't deserve to be treated poorly, and it was still the right decision to not be friends with this person anymore. The right decision can still be difficult. That's okay.
Go easy on yourself. Give yourself extra self care. It's okay to feel how you're feeling.
- Misa
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saaaakshi · 6 months ago
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i know sometimes good things have to end,
but nobody tells you how to break up with a friend.
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