#hope everyone involved can find closure and comfort i guess

[luvlyspringday]

honestly i'm glad they didn't announce kinnporsche s2 now bc this shit is messyyyyy

#i don't really follow the actors outside of the show but what the fuck #i don't even have an opinion bc the info is all over the place #hope everyone involved can find closure and comfort i guess #that's really all i can say 🤷🏼‍♀️ #kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #build jakapan

[muscatmusic18]

there’s more to it (than what you think) (1/1)

Fandom: Fate: The Winx Saga

Pairing: Farah and Bloom

Bloom is frustrated about not making any progress in trying to find her parents. Farah reminds her that family is not only blood.

Read it here on AO3 or below.

~

Motivation has arrived! Here’s to it staying.

Edit: just now realized the AO3 link I added didn’t take, thanks tumblr. Now there’s a link to it above

Farah had just finished tidying up her office at the end of a long week when a soft knock came at her door. She frowned, looking at the clocks on her desk — only Saul or Ben would come around this late, and neither of them would knock.

She smoothed her skirt, turning towards the door again, speaking softly. “Come.”

The door slowly opened, and Bloom poked her head in, slowly inching into the office. “I know it’s late, Miss Dowling, but I saw your light on and, well, I have some questions. If, I mean, now’s a good time…”

Farah could see the nerves and trepidation in Bloom’s posture, though there was just a bit of hope lighting up her eyes, and Farah didn’t need to read her mind to guess what this might be about. Giving her a small smile, Farah motioned towards her sitting area. “Come, I’ll put some tea on. I have chamomile stashed away somewhere.”

Farah searched through her cabinet while Bloom sat, listening to the zipper on her boot rattle as she bounced her leg up and down. Finding the tea, she filled two infusers and turned on her kettle, allowing Bloom time to gather her thoughts while the water boiled instead of using magic.

She’d just flicked the kettle off when Bloom spoke. “Have you ever heard of Azure Valley?” she blurted out, her leg still bouncing, and Farah glanced up at her.

“I have,” she responded, turning her attention back to the tea. “It’s about three hours north of here. Beautiful place. Or it was.”

She heard Bloom sit up on the couch, and could just imagine the painfully young hope brimming in her eyes. “So you know it? Have you been there?”

“Once, yes.” Farah answered, busying herself with the tea even though she’d finished with it. “When I was with Rosalind on her crusade.”

“Oh,” Bloom said, sounding small, for her and Rosalind being there could only mean one thing. “Well, um, I was looking through some old records, and—” she pulled out her phone, flipping through her photos while Farah brought over the tea tray, sitting across from Bloom. “I know there was a small town there, and I think there were some rumors going around there about Blood Witches being in the area.”

She held out her phone and Farah took it, seeing a picture of a small newspaper article titled 'Blood Witches: Myth or Reality, and Could They Really Be Here?'.

Farah handed her phone back, and Bloom continued. “There’s not much in the article, but I figured that if there were even rumors of them being there, and given everything we know about Aster Dell, then maybe that’s… where my parents could be.”

A pang went through Farah’s heart at Bloom’s words, and the longing in them when she spoke. Picking up her cup of tea, she took a sip, partly to warm herself from the chill she got whenever she thought of Aster Dell, and partly to prepare her for what she would say next.

“We all had gone to Azure Valley two days after the small settlement there had been attacked by the Burned Ones.” Farah set down her cup and looked at Bloom, hating to see the hope starting to crumble. “There hadn’t been much left. That had been a year before the events of Aster Dell, so I don’t believe you or your parents had ever been there.”

Bloom looked down at her phone for a minute, then back up at Farah. “Maybe they escaped. Got out before the Burned Ones attacked, and then had me a year later, before I was taken.”

The girl was grasping at straws, but Farah merely dipped her head in acquiescence, not wanting to break Bloom’s heart further. “It could be possible. We didn’t go looking for survivors when we were there, we were only concerned with tracking the Burned Ones, and the damage to the village was… well, we doubted there was anyone left alive.”

Bloom’s brow creased, and then she continued. “Well, is there anyone living there now? It’s been sixteen years, maybe someone when back— maybe they went back, and—”

“Bloom,” Farah interrupted. “No one has lived there since the attack. I’m afraid—”

“How do you know?” Bloom asked, raising her voice a bit, though Farah could hear the slight tremble in it. “You don’t know where everyone in Solaria is at all times, and you said it yourself, Azure Valley is hours away, there could be someone living there and you wouldn’t know.” Bloom stood, pacing a few steps. “I want to go there and see for myself, I won’t just—”

“Alright,” Farah agreed, and Bloom stopped suddenly, turning to look at her in surprise. “Tomorrow, we can begin planning a trip there. But it’s late, and there isn’t anything we can do right now.”

Bloom sighed, and sat down again, staring at her shoes. “I know. And I know this is probably some pointless journey, anyways, but I just…” she picked at the edge of the couch cushion, and Farah hated to see how small, how muted the bright young woman looked. “I just want to know where my parents are. Or what happened to them.”

Farah bit the inside of her lip and then stood, rounding the coffee table to sit next to Bloom. She picked up Bloom’s cup and handed it to her, letting her take a small sip before she started. “I promised you that I would help you find your parents, and I stand by my word. If Azure Valley is where you would like to go to look for any sign of them, then that’s where I’ll take you.”

Bloom gave her a small smile. “Thanks, Miss Dowling. I just—” she huffed then, and looked back down at her tea. “I feel like I should be getting somewhere by now. I’ve spent weeks looking, and I’m nowhere closer to finding out anything about them. I’m just so frustrated with it now.”

Bloom sighed again, shoulders slumping forward, and Farah’s chest ached for the girl, wishing more than anything that she could give Bloom the answers she looked for.

Though while she couldn’t give her those, she could at least try to give her some comfort.

“I understand your frustration, Bloom, and I understand your drive to find your parents. But finding people after sixteen years is a difficult task — this could take much longer than a few weeks.”

Bloom nodded, looking crestfallen, and Farah couldn’t help but to put a hand on Bloom’s shoulder. “But in this search, don’t forget that it is not only blood that makes up a family.”

Bloom looked at her, so Farah continued. “Your parents, your human ones, that is, are just as much your parents as your fairy ones, if not more so. Your friends are your family too, and, as I’m sure you know, they do not care about your origins, or of whose blood you are. A family becomes who you choose it to be, not the people who are born with the title. A family is those who care about who you are — your human parents, your friends…”

Farah trailed off, unsure if she should continue, even if her soft spot for Bloom was known. But she’d been trying to connect more with those she cared about, to step out of the figurehead role and into someone who could be approached when the occasion arose. So, taking a quick breath, she spoke.

“Your teachers, or any mentor who cares for you and your growth, can be a family of sorts as well.”

Bloom’s eyes widened for a moment, surprised, but then she smiled, and quickly set her tea aside before leaning into Farah to wrap her arms around her, fingers curled against her back and her cheek resting on her shoulder.

Farah smiled to herself, closing her eyes as she returned the hug, privately thrilled that she could be to Bloom everything that Rosalind was not.

“Thank you for being my family,” Bloom said against her shoulder, sounding young and almost fragile, and Farah couldn’t help but to squeeze the girl a little tighter.

“I’m grateful to be a part of it.”

Bloom clung for a little while more before she sat up again, pushing her hair behind her ears.

“I’m sorry I was rude earlier. You didn’t deserve that.”

Farah smiled in acceptance, and covered Bloom’s hand with hers briefly. “I’ll take you to Azure Valley soon. I know seeing for yourself may bring… closure. Or at least the feeling of being one step closer.”

Bloom nodded, looking down at her hands, and then back up at Farah. “I would still like to go, even if that seems… stupid. But… we don’t have to go right away.” Bloom let out a little sheepish chuckle and shrugged. “I’ve been pretty busy with this searching thing. I guess I should spend some time with my real family too.”

Farah smiled again, pride swelling in her chest at Bloom’s realizations. “Next weekend, we can plan a trip. For now, be with your friends. I’m sure you all can find something fun to do this weekend — that doesn’t involve getting into mischief,” Farah stressed, giving Bloom her best Headmistress look, who had the decency to at least try to hide her grin behind an abashed look.

Looking up at her again, Bloom gave her a small, lopsided smile, looking earnest. “Thank you, Miss Dowling. For still taking care of me.”

Farah smiled and touched Bloom’s shoulder, then stood and walked over to where she’d left her tea. “Go and find your friends, I’m sure they’re anxious to spend time with you. Isn’t there a party planned for tonight?”

Bloom tried to look neutral, widening her eyes in faux innocence. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Headmistress.”

Farah pursed her lips against a smile, then nodded towards the door. “Go. Relax. The search will still be here in the morning.”

Bloom left with a wave, leaving Farah with a warm, maternal feeling in her chest, and she sat behind her desk again sipping her tea, thinking just how proud she was –

Of her family.

#mama farah #farah dowling #bloom peters #winx bloom #fate the winx saga #ftws #i wasn't sure how this one was gonna turn out but i like it #also just gonna say this #this is platonic farah and bloom #mama duck farah and nothing else

[karlnapity]

Welcome Home, Theseus.

Chapter 2: Why Does One Man Need All That Power? [Fundy]

(warnings: tws for this chapter: alcoholism, bit of violence, nothing graphic (it’s a memory, & doesn’t take place in this chapter). this chapter also talks about relations between hybrids & humans being very negative.)

Fundy is cleaning up spilled liquor when he hears it behind him. It’s just drunken mumbling, and usually he’d tune it out because it’s more likely abuse than anything, but something tells him to pay attention.

“I wish I wasn’t a hybrid.” It’s spoken quietly, and Fundy turns to see Schlatt with his face in his arms on his desk. Something about it hurts, feels familiar.

The words hit home, and he can’t help but ask, “Why?”

“I wanted to be-- well, at least partially…” He stops for a moment while his drunken brain pieces together the words and ends with, “Hybrids never get to be in power. I wanted to prove them wrong.”

Fundy has heard the whispers. While he was working with Wilbur, people spoke poorly of him, same as when Schlatt was campaigning. Even more so, now, what with the recent mistakes. He opens his mouth to say something, anything, when Schlatt laughs, low and broken, sounding more like a sob than anything. He raises his head and it turns into a coughing fit, Fundy rushing to pat his back.

After it calms, he looks Fundy dead in the eyes and says, “I’ve only made it worse.”

Fundy sighs, looking away. He’s not sure what to say, because it’s not like he’s wrong. Relations have only managed to get worse since Schlatt’s come into power, serving to prove that hybrids are as vicious as they’ve always claimed. But Schlatt’s on a roll, it seems, and he continues.

“You know my right horn’s fake?”

He didn’t.

“What happened?” He asks quietly.

“Held me down and broke it, thought they could cure me of being a hybrid or some shit.” Schlatt huffs.

As Fundy leans closer, if he squints he can see the line where the real ends and the fake begins.

“Did it hurt?” He breathes. Schlatt hacks out a laugh.

“Like nothing else. Thought I was going to die.” He doesn’t elaborate more than that. Fundy watches his hands open and close a few times on his desk, and knows he wants to reach for a drink. He starts talking, whatever pops into his head to distract him.

“People think I’m shifty, since I’m a fox and all. They don’t think I’m trustworthy.” It’s not the right thing to say. Schlatt smiles, though it’s more of a sneer.

“I’m sorry I think you’re going to betray me, then.”

Fundy blinks. He didn’t expect it outright. He knew it was likely Schlatt knew something, but all the same it’s a shock. He opens his mouth to defend himself, say anything, but Schlatt cuts him off, waving a hand.

“Don’t bother. I don’t fucking give a shit, it’s not like any of it matters now.”

Something about that pulls at Fundy, makes him more upset than it should.

“You still have time to turn around public opinion, you know. Three of the members of the cabinet being hybrids? That means a lot to people. Irregardless of whether you’re doing a good job, right? So much of the SMP is hybrids, and it means something to them that you’re here.”

Schlatt’s staring at nothing, but for once he seems to be lost in memories and not just out of it. He smiles.

“The SMP’s so much better than other worlds I’ve been to. It’s probably because of you, actually.”

“Huh?” He can’t quite fathom that.

“Something Wilbur got right, I think. His son is a fox, so he made sure you were protected.”

He nods, slowly. “Maybe. I think I did some of it myself.”

Schlatt laughs. “Wouldn’t surprise me. You’re persistent when you want to be.”

That night, when Fundy makes his way back to his room, a Spy’s Diary weighs heavier in his pocket than ever. He doesn’t write down their conversation.

>

“So what’s with the daddy issues?” Schlatt asks one day while they’re filing papers. Fundy isn’t sure what he thought being part of a presidential administration would be like, but he hadn’t thought it would involve quite this much paperwork. When Wilbur had been in charge, it had been more about surviving than anything else, at least.

“Wh-what?” He stutters, brain malfunctioning for a few solid seconds. Schlatt barks a laugh.

“Well, not many people would be this quick to betray their own blood, is all,” Schlatt says, waving a hand. “I did kind of exile the guy.”

Fundy sits back, leaning back in his chair. “He just wasn’t a very good dad, I guess. I wanted to prove a point.”

Schlatt squints at him for a second. “Fair enough.”

“Why did you decide to exile him?” Fundy knows he’s prying, and he also knows that this is a stupid, stupid decision, both as part of the cabinet and as a spy, but he can’t help but ask.

Schlatt shrugs. “What’s he told you?”

“Uh… nothing? I didn’t even know you existed until you showed up.”

Schlatt huffs, looking strangely incensed. “We have a history, is all. Didn’t end well.”

“Huh. I didn’t know that.”

“It doesn’t much matter. It’d been years since we’d last seen each other, anyways.” He’s completely abandoned his paperwork. “But I wanted payback. And besides, when Wilbur gets that look in his eyes… if I let him stay, it wasn’t going to end well.”

Fundy hums. “Can’t argue with that.”

He wonders if this is any better. He hopes.

> 

Fundy doesn’t see Wilbur again until the festival. He finds he doesn’t especially want to.

> 

When Fundy cries, so shocked at the man he doesn’t recognize, Schlatt pats his shoulder and mumbles about how it’s going to be ok. Fundy wants to hug him, but doesn’t.

>

Fundy hates the smell of smoke. Wilbur smoked a lot, and he remembers when he was still young and he could tell when his father was having a bad day from how the smell clung to him, and he remembers hating it even then.

Schlatt has noticed. He’s sure his nose is twitching, tail flicking, and Schlatt sighs, puts out his cigarette. Sighs again.

“Well? Spit it out, please,” he says, clasping his hands. Fundy found him out on the balcony, staring out at the sky and ignoring all his work, but he finds he can’t quite blame him.

“I don’t have anything,” he says, coming to stand beside him. “Is it not enough to want to talk to my president?”

Schlatt smiles ruefully, but he doesn’t say anything more, just focuses his gaze back on the sky. “How’re you holding up, kid?”

Fundy looks to him in equal parts confusion and hesitance. He analyzes Schlatt’s expression, but after a few long moments he says, “It’s been better.”

Schlatt huffs a laugh. He seems unsure of what to say, but after what feels like an eternity he continues with, “It’s impressive, you know that?”

Fundy doesn’t say anything, not quite sure what he means.

“It’s fucking cold to leave your dad on his own, but I get it. In the beginning, you wanted to be the big hero, the spy, huh? But Tubbo had already done that job for you, and at that point, it was too late, right? And now you’re not sure what to do, but you’re still going. It’s fucking impressive, man.” He laughs, coughs a bit.

Fundy feels like his brain is short-circuiting. Schlatt gets it. He feels tears welling in his eyes but pushes them back down.

“It has a lot to do with you, you know that?” He asks. Schlatt looks at him, surprised. “When you won the election, everyone was upset, but… I got to know you, and maybe you weren’t that bad.”

He never thought he’d be talking openly with the man he’d been planning to betray, but all the same it’s comforting. It’s closure.

“I just wanted to mean something. And I think this is my way of doing it.”

He pulls out the diary from his inventory, and Schlatt raises his eyebrows. The matches he used to for his cigarette sit there, and Fundy lights it, takes it to the diary. And it’s gone.

Maybe smoke isn’t that bad.

#personal #dream smp #dsmp #lmanburg #lmanberg #l'manberg #l'manburg #manburg #manberg #schlatt #jschlatt #fundy #mcyt #wilbur soot

[moth-song-archives]

The Insatiable Flow of Time (1/8)

I remembered that I can make posts here too huh! Anyways, I wrote a post-MAG200 fic <3

I’ll reblog it again with the link to ao3 if you’d prefer reading it there :D

Rating: Teens and Up Archive Warnings: Choose Not To Use Categories: F/F Relationships: Georgie/Melanie, Georgie & Jon, Jonmartin (mentioned) Characters: Georgie Barker, Melanie King, Jonathan Sims, the Admiral, Basira Hussain (mentioned), Rosie Zampano (mentioned), Martin Blackwood (mentioned)

Additional tags: Diary/Journal × post mag200 × Post-Canon × Canon Compliant × Rated for swearing and me doing my best to write a fitting epilogue for my most fave story of all time × Bittersweet × Hurt/Comfort × Grief/Mourning × Gentle-Sad-Soft × Fluff × Non-Sexual Intimacy × Tenderness × Generally Hopeful Ending × Ambiguous/Open Ending × Catharsis × You know how TMA is a tragedy? ... yeah × Hope Punk × dealing with the fallout of surviving a literal apocalypse × Moving on and letting go × Trans Georgie Barker × Nonbinary Melanie King × Melanie uses any pronouns but needs to (re)discover this first × and is then mainly referred to with they/them pronouns for diary-simplicity × Melanie is ace in my heart ♡ × Jon is also enby but it only gets referred to in passing × Georgie has a Type™ × Character Study × i love them all so much × Nonbinary aspec author × it's very hope punk and somft BUT ALSO VERY SAD × in like a cathartic way × because i like causing pain :') × pre-written and updates every 2-3 days

I think I might use it to… rediscover myself. That’s what I liked about journaling in the first place, I think. Getting to think about things outside of my own head, putting it out there so I could move on? Maybe it’s time to return to old coping mechanisms and try again. Even if I haven’t really changed. Even if I should’ve changed. Right?

As the world tries to piece itself back together, Georgie grapples with her past, her present, and her future by keeping a diary. She also keeps having this strange, recurring dream that involves Jon. Post MAG200.

Finished at ~12k, will upload over the next couple of days <3

Day 3 - Evening

Melanie is sleeping. Basira is also sleeping, on the sofa in the living-room. She doesn’t really know what to do with herself, these days, so for now she’s staying with us.

I am not sleeping. I’m so far beyond tired that I can’t sleep anymore. It’s been... how long? More than a day, certainly. I’m at the kitchen table and the night outside is darker than any I’ve ever seen. There are no street lights and a million more stars than I could’ve ever imagined. I wish Melanie could see them too :(

Back before everything in my life went wrong, I used to be really good at this. I think I got my first diary when I was... seven, maybe eight? I used to be obsessed with it. I guess I stopped writing in college, after the incident, because it felt... wrong? Like I was lying to myself, trying to fabricate emotions that just weren’t there, keeping up with things that no longer seemed important or note-worthy. Mainly, I couldn’t make myself care about anyone or anything anymore.

I think I want to find that person again, now that it’s over. Try and… move on? And Melanie encouraged me :) I guess that’s the main reason. I found this notebook in one of the domains when we were rescuing people. I don’t know what I originally wanted to do with it, but I did end up forgetting about it until I went through my bag again today. It smells like fire and is a bit singed in places, but I kind of like that? I think I might use it to… rediscover myself. ...that sounds very pretentious, but this is just for me, so...

And I like that it’s just cheap paper scribbled on with a shitty biro. Maybe I’ll just burn it when all the thoughts are on the paper instead of in my head. When I can sleep again. And the prize for the most dramatic way of closure goes to Georgie Barker! But yeah. That’s what I liked about journaling in the first place, I think. Getting to think about things outside of my own head, putting it out there so I could move on? Maybe it’s time to return to old coping mechanisms and try again. Even if I haven’t really changed. Even if I should’ve changed. Right?

But I don’t feel any different. Shouldn’t I feel different, now that they’re gone? The entities, I mean, though Jon and Martin seem to be gone, too.

I keep remembering Martin’s expression when he told us to go early, how upset he was.

Honestly, I can’t say I’m surprised. As long as I’ve known Jon, he’s always done what he thought best. It used to drive me up the walls, but I also admired it, I think? I never would’ve told him that, but… Well. He’s gone now.

It’s over, all of it.

And I still can’t sleep.

And Melanie is still blind, and I still feel empty, and my fear still hasn’t come back. Everyone who died is still dead, and the trauma is still there. There were angry mobs in the streets, and people got killed.

I can’t quite believe that Jon and Martin went with them. I can’t believe they left us behind to explain the entire mess.

 We’re back in our old flat. It’s so weird to be back home. Everything looks the same, as though no time passed at all. Nobody knows what date it is. How long were we caught in there?

Outside, it feels like spring. There are birds everywhere, singing their hearts out. Sounds like more birds than there used to be, too. The trees are leafless and dead-looking, but Basira pointed out that they’re getting there... and it feels like spring.

I haven’t slept properly in 3 days because the questions keep me awake. It’s not that I’m worrying, really, just… thinking? I think I could sleep better if the worry had come back, but it hasn’t.

As far as we can tell, all modern devices are broken, too. Computers and phones and such, digital cameras, generators... we don’t even know what the rest of the world looks like. I hadn’t realised how much gets controlled by computers these days, we don’t even have central heating or water access in our flat. Rumours and news are spreading person-to-person, like in the Olden Days. We only have emergency systems that were installed in case of nation-wide blackout. I guess I’m glad we don’t actually have a blackout, we just need to get the computers back to work. (If I understood it correctly.)

Melanie thinks it’ll all come back to life in a few more days. I certainly hope so. I also hope I’ll stop feeling like this. Or rather, not feeling like anything. It’s so strange. Like in the first days after the incident, when I just felt numb?

They’re gone! I want to feel like a person again! What if I never get myself back?

 They’re actually gone.

 What will we do with our lives now? Basira isn’t the only one who feels uprooted. I think the whole world feels like that right now.

I hope my computer comes back soon. I miss music, and making things. My photos, all those memories.

I don’t want to lose all of that. I want to start fresh, but not without records of the past.

…I’ve had a lot of time to think about that, specifically. Records, and futures.

What the Ghost is done, right? There’s no fun in creepy ghost stories if you’ve been through an actual, living nightmare.

I think I want to start new with that, too. When everything works again, that is.

New world, new future, new podcast. I like that. I think. Make a record of what happened through eyewitness accounts? Or is that too similar to the Statements… then again, it’ll be more like interviews. And I think we shouldn’t forget.

We owe them that much.

I’ll have to talk it over with Melanie tomorrow. Maybe.

We’ll see.

God, I think maybe… maybe I can actually try and sleep tonight. Writing does seem to help.

 Note to self: thank Laverne for suggesting it. (Also for being there for Melanie. And listening to us. And stopping with that culty nonsense. She’s the only one we found so far, but she actually listened to us. Strange to think that in this world, I have to be grateful for someone not worshipping me for some dumb reason?!)

   Day 4 - Morning

So. Three things.

1) I did manage to fall asleep after all! I’ve always been a bit of an insomniac, especially after the incident, so actually getting some proper rest felt really good.

2) I somehow woke up right as the sun went up! I think I’ve never seen a dawn this beautiful? I watched it from the bedroom window and I’ll definitely describe it to her in detail when she wakes up! The Admiral was sleeping on our pillow, right next to her head, snuggled up against the back of her neck and shoulder... it was so cute. I can’t believe my phone and camera still don’t work! Melanie has that old polaroid camera somewhere but we haven’t found it yet, and I wish my art skills were any better. I did draw a sketch of the two of them though. I’ll cherish it forever, no matter how shitty it is :’)

After everything that happened, the Admiral is still a bit weird around us. He started out really aggressive, calmed down a bit, and now… now he’s weirdly skittish? Meows a lot. Keeps walking around the flat. The only thing that even remotely returns him to how he used to be is tuna. It’s weird.

But seeing him like that, with Melanie? I love him so much.

I think he’ll be okay.

But before I forget, and why I actually got out the diary at this ungodly hour instead of trying to go back to sleep now that the sun is up…

3) I had a really nice dream. And... I don’t even know. I think I want to try and hold onto the feeling? I don’t think I’ve felt that… deeply… in a long while. Maybe the last time was before all this, when we decided to move in together. Before all of this happened.

For a moment, I felt like I was whole again :’)

It didn’t even have Melanie in it, which is very rude tbh. I think Jon was there? The Admiral, too. We were just chilling on the sofa, watching netflix I think... It felt so... mundane??? Casual, somehow??? Like it was normal to feel like that and I just... I want THAT. I want to feel like that again, instead of this weird… blank nothingness? I want that all the time, not just when I’m riding a high or feeling so terrible that it pierces through.

I don’t know if that makes sense but this is just for me anyway so I suppose it doesn’t have to.

 I think I should feel bad about Jon being gone, but I still don’t even feel relief at it being over. Just this vague numbness.

I hate it so much, except I don’t, actually, I just know that I should?

Melanie keeps saying that I need a therapist but if we’re being honest here, I guess I need one the least? The whole goddamn world needs therapy right now. Including the therapists. And I’ve been dealing with this for a long time now.

I guess I keep hoping it’ll just go away somehow.

 Anyways. Enough introspection, I’m going back to bed. I hope I don’t wake them! :)

  Day 4 - Evening

 It’s night now, the sun went down hours ago. We have a bunch of candles, but I’m trying to use them sparingly, so I just have one lit. I put a glass of water next to the candle so now the light gets magnified a bit more. It’s a weird atmosphere, but I kinda like it? Feels… cozy! :)

I’m still not over how everything looks the same, but nothing works like it did before, and there’s this… burden? This collective trauma everyone went through. It feels so surreal. So many things are still broken… it’s like we woke from a collective nightmare, but pieces of it still remain, floating around.

And we just sent it away with the tapes. I really hope those other worlds are doing better than us, but what else could we have done? I… try not to think about it. I know I should, but I still can’t really bring myself to care, or even feel overly guilty for that? …

 Melanie fell asleep with her head in my lap half an hour ago. I was reading to her. She says she loves the sound of my voice, so I’ve started doing that in the evenings. (I still love that we had separate crushes from a distance on each other for ages because of youtube and WTG. We’ve been talking about that a lot, too.)

She still has nightmares, but apparently she’s also been having good dreams, and she looks so peaceful right now. The last few days have been a lot, but in comparison to before, and even before then…

It’s over. We made it out. We get to have a future together. I still can’t quite believe it. :)

 I guess I’m writing again (despite already having done so in the morning) because it somehow helped yesterday and I’m hoping to replicate that. And I have a lot to think about. It’s been a long day.

Basira is still out there, helping out where she can. I think she feels guilty. Melanie says she doesn’t because there was no other choice, but I know her, and I know that she’s lying.

There’s always another choice. We just say that to make it easier to bear.

I hope she knows she can come talk to me when she feels ready to tackle it.

I hope I ever feel able to tackle it myself. No. I will talk to her when I’m ready.

We did talk a bit about things, of course. Melanie doesn’t really remember her dreams, most of the time, but apparently she’s been alternating between horrifying nightmares and a really nice, recurring one that sometimes happens after the nightmares. She doesn’t really remember much of it, but she mentioned it after I told her about the Jon dream. Not what it was about, just… in general.

From the way she talked about it, I think her dad might have been in it? I’m actually not sure, but the way she smiled…

She has that little smile on her lips again, even now, dreaming. The soft one she gets when she talks about good things. About him.

About me.

(I still can’t believe she chose me. How impossibly lucky? How did I ever deserve her? But then, it’s not about that, is it? She is mine, and I am hers, and… life will be good. I know it will be.)

 She’s been smiling a lot more, these past few days.

#the magnus archives #tma #tma fanfic #georgie barker #jonathan sims #wtgf #melanie king #post mag200 fanfic #tma spoilers #tma finale #the magnus archives spoilers #tma s5 spoilers #mag 200 spoilers #hm ive never uploaded fanfic here too #cause with moth song the chapters are so huge xD #the insatiable flow of time #tifot fic #i love georgie so so much #hope i do this justice #will reblog again with ao3 link :3 #but if i remember right links dont show up in tags #though i doubt anyone will find this via the tags but yknow

[yumeka36]

Since Disney has no restraint with spoiling the deleted scenes for Frozen 2 that will be on the digital and/or blu-ray release later this month, I decided to share the clips that have been released so far and offer my opinions (click the scene names in bold to watch them):

Deleted Song - I Want to Get This Right: I’m not big on Kristanna but this is a cute song. I can understand why it was cut though. As the creators have mentioned before, whenever they took too much focus away from Anna and Elsa’s relationship, it just didn’t feel right. They still wanted to give Kristoff a song, which they did with “Lost In the Woods,” but I’m not sure where this song would have occurred in the movie since it would have been weird for Anna to sing a long with him when she was so focused on Elsa once they left Arendelle. I’m guessing it would have taken place at the beginning of the movie, during the harvest festival perhaps since they both seemed dressed up.

Deleted Song - Unmeltable Me: Another song that would have taken place at the beginning of the movie, with Olaf entertaining the dignitaries (at the harvest festival I assume) while Anna and Elsa are away. It’s a fun song and the accompanying animation would have been more amusing than “When I’m Older,” but like “I Want to Get This Right,” one of the reasons it was cut was due to time constraints on the pre-forest part of the movie. It was made to introduce Olaf’s new permafrost, which they eventually explained in one line from Anna before “Some Things Never Change.”

Deleted Song - Home: A nice song that creates a pleasant tone of how much Anna loves Arendelle, which would help reinforce her becoming queen in the end. But yeah, just doesn't quite work - it's just weird that she would be out doing all these fun activities shown in the clip without Elsa, Kristoff, and/or Olaf with her. They definitely needed to introduce all the characters in the prologue, so a big group song like “Some Things Never Change” worked better. And people were complaining about her one line "it's not creepy 'cause I know her" since it implies that anyone who talks to children could be seen as a “pedophile.” I agree it didn't make sense - she's the princess, everyone knows her, why would it be creepy talking to one of her young subjects? I get the joke they were going for but it doesn’t work and I’m glad they eventually left it out.

Deleted Scene - Secret Room: Early in development, the trigger for Anna and Elsa going to the forest was following clues that their parents left behind about studying magic so they could help Elsa. Again, due to time restrictions on the movie, they changed it to Elsa hearing her “magic side” calling to her and leading her to the forest. I think this set up is better since it gives more characterization to Agnarr and Iduna, especially in conjunction with the “A Place of Our Own” scene below, so it’s a shame the heads at Disney decided the movie couldn’t be longer so they could include this plot point (I feel like Jen and team would have wanted it otherwise).

Deleted Scene - Hard Nokks: A scene where Anna, Kristoff, and Olaf meet Nokk, apparently before Elsa. I’m guessing this scene takes place soon after they arrive in the forest and they get separated from Elsa temporarily (since she’s not in this scene) and they somehow know what Nokk is (maybe Olaf had been reading up on mythology?) It’s a little funny I guess but I can definitely see why it was left out: they wanted Nokk’s introduction to be more dramatic, and the plot point of Kristoff not feeling comfortable in Arendelle was too much on top of his relationship with Anna that would, again, take away focus from Anna and Elsa’s journeys, which are the driving force of the movie.

Deleted Scene - A Place of Our Own: Out of all the deleted scenes, I think everyone will agree that this one should have been left in. It’s so beautiful and heartfelt and lends so much more to their relationship with their parents and the fact that Anna has her own kind of “magic” - it would have worked perfectly as the last binding piece of closure to the conflict of the first Frozen. I can understand why they removed the other scenes since they didn't fit with the direction they eventually went with the story and characters, but this scene could have easily been inserted into the ending - when Anna and Elsa were reunited, before Kristoff shows up - and nothing would have changed. The only reasons I can think of for why they removed it are 1) they thought it was too “overpowered” for Elsa to be able to conjure memories from Ahtohallan anytime, anywhere. Even though the one about the dam she sent to Anna traveled past Ahtohallan, it still originated there and she had to first “take it in” and then send it to Anna with Gale’s help. Or 2) there was already so much going on in that scene (the sisters reuniting, Olaf reviving, Kristoff's proposal) that they felt adding one more emotional moment would have been overdoing it. I guess another reason is because they weren’t able to properly set up the fact that Anna had lingering doubts about her parents trust in her, but honestly anyone who knows what Anna went through in the first movie could see that scene and completely understand how she felt with any further exposition. So yeah, I can live without the others but this scene should have remained - I’m hoping we get something like it in future Frozen stories!

----

I think there’s one more deleted scene involving Agnarr’s flashback that will be on the blu-ray release, and all the ones mentioned in this post should have extended footage - I think these clips are just snippets of the actual deleted scenes we’ll get. To summarize, the only scenes I would have preferred they kept in were Secret Room (and the whole plot line about following clues from Iduna and Agnarr) and of course A Place of Our Own. The others are nice to see but I don’t miss them in the actual movie. I’m not one to lament everything we could have gotten as I’d rather find the good in what we do have - I’m glad we got to see these scenes and I think it’s likely that they’ll incorporate elements from them into future Frozen shorts/stories/sequels.

#frozen #frozen 2

[facelessfrey]

Roswell New Mexico Season 2, Episode 13

- I’m sure that wasn’t supposed to be comedy but I literally laughed through most of that and I’m still laughing at the last scene. I can’t. I just...I can’t. I mean what the fuck even was half of that?!?!?

- I mean that episode was WILD. I don’t even know where to begin. This is going to get long...you are forewarned. 

- Let’s start with the EXTREMELY RAPID conclusion of last week’s mortal peril. Yep....let’s just do some CPR...not even have to break out the alien defibrillator powers and oh look Max is just fine. I mean...thank god cause I could not go through a repeat of last season although...considering the last scene...that might be preferable. (I’m still laughing...like full on cracking up and my roommates probably think I’m nuts). Then we’ve got Liz dumping the contents of some top secret recipe giant ketchup bottles on the alien console and oh...yep....melted. Glad that crisis was averted. Then we have some random shots of people going to the hospital and oh look...everyone’s alive and fine except...Jesse Manes. I mean...don’t get me wrong...he’s a monster and I’m not sorry he’s dead by my god what a pitiful end to a character that should have been a really good villain but instead was a guy who limped around in the background most of the season until suddenly in one episode it turns out he had been putting together a dastardly plan to show the aliens as the monsters they are and then murder them....sure. Why not?!?! Well...I guess it’s nice that that barely three episode arc of Gregory Manes wanting to stand up for Alex got some closure. I just...it’s so dumb!!!!

- Oh wait...I forgot...not shocking cause it was literally two seconds, but hey...Helena randomly went back and saved Charlie and proceeded to yell at her for getting chained up and not leaving while she freed her. Cool. 

- Right...so that’s all wrapped up in the opening five minutes...let’s just move on...we’ve got a lot of other insane junk we have to throw into the next 35 minutes. Yep...still laughing. 

- Let’s just kick things off with Michael and Maria...and now I’m laughing again. I did ask the show to prove me wrong earlier today and well...I mean....they half did?!?!?!! Except it was literally insane so I don’t even know what to say. So...Maria’s just fine cause you know she was only half alien so that’s cool and great and then oh wait...she just happens to have a magic plot box dropped off by Mimi. Thanks Mimi...you still have no real purpose in this story except to occasionally move the plot forward but thanks for the box. But Michael doesn’t trust Mimi’s plot hints so he doesn’t want to open the box. Instead....he goes to hang with Alex and they destroy the shed together, which admittedly was a very nice scene and totally gave me Stendan in Dublin vibes and I quite liked it. 

- But it was also all so they could find a literal skeleton under the floorboards. Gotta get those callbacks in eh? Hahaha. And of course it’s Tripp! Who else would it be? And of course...he’s got the magical key so it turns out Mimi really is tuned into the plot and read ahead in the script and knew that box would be important! So back to Maria he goes after having this super cathartic scene with Alex that tied into their emotional past together. I mean...par for the course...and I was fully ready for the whiplash that was going to make me crazy and you know...I was not disappointed because they started out being all “hey I love you” and I was like “eye roll knew that was coming” but then! She just up and breaks up with him because that’s what you do after a mutual I love you that’s based on zero relationship development over the past twelve and a half episodes. And once again...I am laughing. 

- I mean...I’ll say this...I’m glad it was her that broke up with him and in part because she totally knows he’s in love with Alex and we have been saying that literally all season so like I’m glad she noticed. But I literally died when she was all “I’ve learned so much from this relationship”. What?! What did you learn? Did you get motivation in your script direction that we weren’t privy to because I still have literally no idea what either of you were supposed to be getting out of that relationship but hey...who cares cause it’s over now and Maria just decided that so it’s all fine. No heartbreak there. And you know...Michael seems totally cool with it. Barely even put up a fight. Hahahahaha. Again...I can’t. 

- So then we go back to Alex and Michael and Isobel who is all of a sudden team Malex this episode when previously she was inventing emojis for Michael’s Maria hearteyes so yeah...all of this is just really confusing. But hey! The box has Tripp’s journal in it and descriptions that make Michael squirm but also....Tripp and Nora’s love was...wait for....COSMIC! Hahaha. Oh this show. It’s drunk on it’s own absurdity. So anyway...we’re filled in on the rest of Tripp and Nora’s story...well...sort of. We know she tried ice cream and liked it and there was talk of the mystery bad man that wasn’t Noah but uh...more on that later. Haha. Well...I guess we know Harlan killed Tripp and we unfortunately saw Nora die so that’s a wrap on the 1947 flashbacks I guess?!?! Sure. 

- Oh god and the song...since we’re on Malex anyway. I mean...I liked the song and yeah....he got all the references in there. I never look away...cosmic...sure. And I knew once Forrest was there that kiss was going to happen but my god...are we really setting up season three where now Alex is the one in a random relationship and Michael is trying to be happy for him and we repeat season two’s nonsense?! Are we going to have another threesome just for funzies because you know...that was still LITERALLY the dumbest and most pointless plot point of the season. But anyway, I’m happy Alex felt comfortable enough to sing a song about a guy and kiss a guy in front of a crowded bar but there was literally NO REASON it could not have been Michael. He and Forrest literally had like four scenes together this season compared to Malex who had this whole emotional arc but no...gotta make it complicated. 

- Props to them for managing to have one last break up without actually even having a conversation this time. TALENT. LEGENDS ONLY. 

- I guess at least now that there’s just a minor character in the way and they probably can’t actually kiss again due to coronavirus restrictions, there’s probably some hope for Malex next season?!?! Maybe they’ll find a vaccine by the time there’s a Malex reunion. Maybe good things come to those who suffer. Hahaha.

- Right...let’s move on to Max and Liz. So uhh...Max spends the whole episode seeming like he was hopped up on drugs again or desperate for a fix. What is in that antidote?! Once again we gloss over the “darkness” in Max because like who needs real follow up to the first five episodes of the season. Not this show!

- The whole “Max destroys Liz’s lab” plot was nuts. Just the sheer speed of it from Diego magically appearing at the diner with the Generyx woman to Jenna’s super spy disguise to Max just blowing up the lab as Diego and co drive up and then they just exit stage left super fast except for the fact that Liz is still seemingly going to California but like...why? Did Generyx woman still agree to give her a grant based on her exploding lab?! Did she just feel bad that she didn’t have a lab anymore?! 

- Sidebar to Steph...fucking Steph...whose apparent entire purpose this season was to be sick enough to inspire Liz to do science and break up her and Max over it and then survive after Liz randomly finds time to give her some kind of half baked medicine from her lab BEFORE it exploded??!?! Or does she just carry that shit around with her? And for the love of god SOMEBODY SAVE KYLE from this EXCRUCIATINGLY BORING story!!!!!! Please don’t subject him to more of this next season. Let them break up during the pandemic and give Kyle a clean slate and allow him to reenter the narrative in a way that allows him actual screen time and scenes with the group. Sigh...at least he got to hug Liz and have a brief scene with Alex where Alex told him he was proof of redemption. Look at that character arc that was literally told in two scenes this season! Yeah...see they can be concise when they want to!

- Anyway...back to Max. OH MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT FINAL SCENE?!?!?!??! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA?!!? I don’t even know what I was expecting but it WAS NOT THAT! What even?!?! WHY AM I BEING SUBJECTED TO TWO MAXES?!?! ONE WAS ENOUGH...sometimes MORE THAN ENOUGH. This is just really mean and so was forcing me to look at that HIDEOUS beard! I just....I really can’t handle it. HAHAHA! What drugs were they on when they wrote this?! Also...NONE OF THIS ANSWERS ANY QUESTION AT ALL!!!!!!!!!

- Let’s see...what else...

- I’m glad Jenna and Charlie FINALLY had a scene together because when Jenna first said that Charlie had disappeared again, I got so mad because it was just inexplicably dumb. So I’m glad they got to see each other. 

- I’m glad Rosa is going back to rehab and that she both got to tell her mother that she loved her and tell her to stay the fuck away. 

- I’m just laughing at the fact that for like one episode Helena was suddenly the big bad or at least a main antagonist or at least some kind of main player for the season and then just as quickly was COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT and is probably just going to leave now?!??! WHY?!?!?!? 

- Can Isobel please get something legit to do next season that doesn’t just involve her going into people’s heads without asking and maybe involves her getting a love interest of her own? Please?! I mean...I’m glad she got learn about her mother this season but also I feel like she didn’t do much and I think she deserves more than that. 

- I guess I’m glad Maria is embracing her alien side and trying to be true to herself or whatever but also....she was literally just in this episode to “not be dead”, to give Michael a plot box and to break up with him so she’s no longer a shipping obstacle. And then we never saw her again the rest of the episode. I really sincerely hope they do more with her next season in a way that actually serves her as a character because this season did not do her many favors. I’m glad she finally knows about the aliens and they delved into her own alien identity but I hope she really gets to do something with that next season and not just exist to save everyone else at the end with no thanks for it. I mean literally no one was on screen visiting her except Michael just so she could give him a box and break up with him. Liz and Max were literally at the hospital. But no...Liz had to see irrelevant Steph so she could save her for some unknown reason. Sigh....Not even her cool aunt Isobel came to see her. 

- I don’t even know what else to say. I’m still laughing. I still feel like I know LITERALLY NOTHING about what was going on this season. I had hopes for this season at the end of season one but honestly I have zero hopes for season three because I’m sure it will be a clusterfuck but an even weirder clusterfuck than normal cause everyone will be standing eight feet apart. Maybe that will make them tell a tighter story and not try and shove 75 different plots into 13 episodes??? Probably not. I’m sure it’ll still be batshit crazy and make no sense at all. I’m gonna treat the show as a comedy from now on. 

- Well...it’s been fun all. Thanks to anyone who made it through this whole nonsense post. You deserve a prize. Maybe a plot box or a skeleton under a floorboard or a journal telling you your relatives’ love was cosmic too. 

#roswell new mexico #roswell reveiws #roswell nm #rnm #this was very long as predicted #I am sure I will still think of more things later

[theredhairedmonkey]

What do you think will happen in "Through the Moon"?

Hmm, I’ve changed my mind a couple times as to what I think will happen, but I’ll let you know what I’m thinking right now, anon:

Since this story takes place in the Moon Nexus (and involves some kind of invitation for a ritual there), I imagine that some time must have taken place since the Battle of the Storm Spire. Just throwing out a number, I’ll guess that something like a year to 18 months have passed, which gives the trio enough time to change and adjust to the new peace they helped create.

So, some background on each of them before we dive into “Through the Moon.” All three are now living in Katolis.

Ezran is having a tough time, as he now has the most responsibilities of the three of them (oh, how the tables have turned). It turns out that Opeli’s “peace will require just as much strength as war” was not a joke. The battle to save Zym might have led to peace with the elves and dragons, but it has upended the entire world order. Katolis now has closer ties with the elves (the Sunfire elves in particular) and the Dragon King Azymondias than it does with several of the Human Kingdoms (particularly Neoloandia, which has cut off ties to Duren and Katolis after Prince Kasef’s death). 

The battle also shifted the balance of power; Katolis lost much of its army, while Duren, which suffered the fewest casualties, is now the strongest Human Kingdom and breadbasket for the Pentarchy. While Queen Aanya means well, King Ezran has been encouraged to allow General Amaya to rebuild the Katolian army. Additionally, racism against elves and dragons is a hard beast to overcome, and Ezran has been struggling with certain voices in his court that are urging him to take an aggressive stance against Xadia. Keeping these people pacified has been a challenge…especially now that Rayla is living in the capital as a permanent guest.

In spite of his age, Ezran is pretty much on top of this all—Corvus once commented that he had shown more “courage, strength, and grace than most leaders show in a lifetime,” and I think that will shine through here. He might not be the most learned or most well-informed person in the room, but he knows when to rely on experts and when to rely on his sense of right and wrong.

So, “Through the Moon” might show a little bit of that–how Ezran has begun to fill his father’s shoes (as well as make his own), how well he’s adjusted to being a ruler during peacetime, and how much he still has to grow.

Callum is a prince reborn. In just a few months after the battle, he quickly mastered Sky Magic in its entirety, even coming up with several new techniques along the way. He has also learned quite a bit about the other Primal Sources and their respective Arcana. Callum is also within striking distance of finally understanding the Moon Arcanum (more on that later).

He’s trying to help Ezran as best he can, but this “awkward step-prince” always had trouble succeeding at his princely duties, and that extends to administrative and political matters. He’s no Viren, and neither his personality nor his Sky Magic provides much help at court. His abilities are more physical than the creative, complex spells that Viren often does.

Instead, Callum finds that he’s most helpful outside and beyond the walls of the castle—this is, after all, where the sky is, and where Callum is at his strongest. He’s often flying to other towns, and helps the common people with building roads, constructing dams, clearing out fields for farmland, irrigation, and the like.

The people who knew him before are quite surprised by this change. He used to be this bookish artist boy who could barely hold up a sword, wearing a signature red scarf and blue jacket. Now, he’s a strong, confident mage, sporting sleeveless shirts that reveal elaborate runes on his arms. He can fly and is therefore more physically capable than any ordinary human in the kingdom. Many less tolerant people are also put off by how protective he is over his new elven, um, “friend” Rayla.

Now, on to Rayla. Hoo boy…

Here’s what we first hear about her—Only Rayla is still restless

At first, I was wondering why she was refusing to believe Viren is dead, when it seems everyone else is ready to move on. And then I remembered this scene:

Viren: “I’ll return for you soon. It will be a pleasure to add one more Moonshadow elf to my collection”

Both her terrified expression and her registering what Viren is saying help explain why she’s so restless—whatever was in that bag must contain something related to other Moonshadow elves (either their remnants or their essence).

Then, when talking to Callum about what he saw in his spell, she’ll start to put two and two together. Even if he didn’t understand what he was seeing, he must have seen Lain and Tiadrin get coined by Viren.

Rayla doesn’t know if they’re dead or not, but she realizes she needs to find that bag. Maybe they can be revived, maybe they can’t. But the pain of not knowing is overwhelming.

She’s also probably fearful of the man himself. While she’s been overpowered before, she’s never been so helpless as she was before Viren. His “I’ll return for you soon” line stays with her, and not being able to confirm beyond a shadow of a doubt that this monster is gone will haunt her.

And to make matters worse, no one has been able to find Viren’s remains. Most assume his body was just lost, perhaps in a ravine somewhere. But Rayla needs to find his bag of coins. Combine that with the sheer terror she expresses in the scene above, she probably doesn’t fully believe that something like a fall could kill someone like Viren. And part of her hopes that’s the case; if she’s right, there’s a chance she can find her parents’ coins (and whoever else) and either revive them or, at worst, make peace with the fact that they are gone for good because the uncertainty is just that painful.

Without knowing for sure whether Viren, her parents or Runaan are gone, she’s lost. At least Callum, who tragically lost his parents, knows they are gone. There is a bit of solace in the finality of accepting your loved one’s passing. Rayla, on the other hand, is trapped between hope and fear. Hope that they may be alive, fear that she’ll never know.

Callum will pick up on the fact that something’s wrong, and Rayla will likewise let him in. She knows now that she’s safe around him. She can be vulnerable and scared and raw around Callum, because he will never think less of her, never judge her, and never love her any less.

And this is just something she will absolutely adore about him. Even though he’s incapable of giving her closure (even as a mage, he can’t just bring them back or give her an answer), he’ll always try to make her feel better, even if only by a little bit and for a short while.

Nevertheless, the three of them are called to an ancient ritual at the Moon Nexus. I’m guessing that, since there’s peace with Xadia, Lujanne either invites the trio back, or reveals the Moon Nexus to the Human world. In either case, there’s an invitation for Ezran, Callum, and Rayla to come back and take part in this ritual.

At some point, either by accidentally overhearing something or just from Lujanne explaining the ritual, she learns that the lake is a portal between life or death.

This is her chance, she thinks. This portal contains the answers to all the questions she’s been craving. The questions that have been eating away at her that no amount of “Big Feelings Time” has been able to ease.

Part of it is to see once and for all if Viren is dead, but the main reason is that she wants closure. She wants to know whether she needs to save her parents and Runaan or mourn for them. At least then, in either case, she can move on.

But the portal is unstable, and the ancient Moonshadow Elves who destroyed it never intended for it to be reopened. It seems as though Rayla will have to risk life and limb (and maybe not just her life and limb) to reopen the portal. I’d wager that, in the midst of the ceremony, she’ll jump right into the lake because, let’s face it, jumping into certain danger is something she’s used to at this point.

And speaking of things certain characters are used to, Callum will for sure have another episode of “here I go doing something reckless to protect Rayla,” and follow her.

As a quick side note, if there’s a time for Callum to unlock the Moon Arcanum, it’s here. He’s already worked through his understanding of reality and appearance well enough to apply it when facing Sol Regem. He’s also cast his first Moon spell, and hence knows how it “feels” to do Moon magic. Just as with the Sky Arcanum, Callum’s got all the details he needs “swirling in his head,” and just needs a way to bring it all together.

But, for Rayla, this is very much an introspective journey– Will Rayla’s quest to uncover the secrets of the dead put her living friends in mortal danger?

I am very skeptical that we’ll learn Viren is alive before S4. That is such a huge reveal to occur before we even see the trio on screen! And to a lesser extent, I have a hard time imagining how S4 could start off with Rayla knowing that her parents and Runaan are indeed alive.

Instead, I imagine “Through the Moon” to be more of an introspective look into Rayla—How does she see the world? How does she see herself? What’s bothering her, and what does she do to overcome her internal strife?

This would honestly be a breath of fresh air—while S3 does a good job shining a light on Rayla, it’s mostly from Callum’s perspective (he notices her sobbing and goes to comfort her; he observes and comments how she’s a hero; he helps her work through her feelings about her parents).

This graphic novel is a great way to focus on Rayla’s perspective instead. Her journey at the end of S3 left us with a bit of a “now what”? So, this book might be a good way to begin answering that.

#rayla #through the moon #tdp speculation #thanks for asking #the dragon prince #tdp #runaan #tiadrin #lain #callum #ezran #viren #zym #moonshadow elves #lujanne #tdp graphic novel

[krayt-spitter21]

A Drink With The Past

It was a slow night on the bridge of the Chimaera. There hadn’t been a rebel spotting in a few weeks and the crew were beginning to get comfortable. Thrawn thought it dangerous. After all, one should always be prepared for the worst, even when the worst seems nonexistent. Thrawn was interrupted in his thoughts by the comm officer addressing him.

“Admiral, we have sensors picking up a vessel entering the system from hyperspace.”

“Designation?”

“It reads the Memory Sir.”

“Hail the ship.

“Yes sir.”

The image of a man lit up the view screen. No one noticed the microscopic tightness in Thrawn’s expression as he spoke.

“This is Grand Admiral Thrawn of the Galactic Imperial Navy. State your name and business in this system.”

“My name is Jorj Car’das and my business is with you Grand Admiral Mitth’raw’nuruodo.” The bridge went silent. Everyone on board knew their commander’s real name though none could pronounce it. Thrawn was silent for a few seconds before answering.

“Very well, you may dock in the Chimarea’s main hangar. I will meet you there shortly. Chimaera out.” The transmission cut out and Thrawn turned to his first officer.

“Captain Faro, you have the bridge.”

“Yes sir,” she replied. Faro noted the slight frown as Thrawn turned away from her and walked towards the doors. She put it out of her mind. If Thrawn thought it important enough to tell her if something was wrong, he would. She had served with him for years now and she considered him a friend. Whether that sentiment was returned was unknown as far as she knew, but she liked to think it was.

As Thrawn walked to the hangar he thought of all the possible reasons that Car’das could be here. In all honesty he had purged the man from his mind long ago. It had been nearly 25 years since he had met him and his friends in the Unknown Regions. 25 years since he was exiled and left on a planet all on his own. Absentmindedly he was surprised when the turbo lift doors opened and he was directly in front of the hangar entrance. He saw the small but elegant yellow ship in the contrasting gray and white of the massive hangar. As Thrawn approached, he could see that Car’das had already been waiting outside his ship with his arms crossed. For a moment they simply stared at one another.

“ I welcome you aboard the Chimarea Jorj Car’das.” Thrawn finally said. At this Car’das uncrossed his arms and bowed.

“Thank you Mitth’raw’nuruodo.” He rose up and looked Thrawn straight in the eyes. With all formalities put aside, he spoke again.

“Thrawn is there somewhere we can talk? There’s something you need to know. It’s about Thrass.” Thrawn’s eyes widened and he abruptly turned around. Behind him he said,

“Follow me.” The two took a turbolift in silence and then walked for a few minutes before stopping at one of the many conference rooms within the mile long ship. The door closed behind them and Thrawn held up a hand as Car’das opened his mouth.

“Who sent you?” he asked.

“Ar alani. She heard I was in the Unknown Regions and tracked me down. Asked me to give you a message about your brother. She couldn’t come herself and thought it would be better if you heard this in person.”

“What is the message?” Car’das seemed to hesitate and then steeled himself. Better to just say it. In the back of his mind he wondered how Thrawn would take it.

“They found him, Thrawn. They found Thrass.”

Thrawn was not a man who relied on hope. He was a logical and skilled tactician that planned for every move and counterstroke. However this may have been the first time in his life that he almost gave in. He hadn’t seen his brother since he left him on Outbound Flight all those years ago. Thrawn realized his brother was missing when Thrass wasn’t present during his exile trial and somehow knew something had happened. 25 years later and Jorj Car’das was telling him his brother had been found. Logically, Thrawn knew his younger brother was dead, and he learned long ago that hope was a dangerous thing.

Thrawn was silent for a hartbeat. He then spoke with a dangerous edge to his voice that only those who knew him well could notice.

“Is he dead?” The world seemed to slow. Thrawn involuntarily held his breath and waited for Car’das to answer. A part of him didn’t want the answer but knew he needed it. He needed someone to say it. To finally give him closure. Otherwise he could never truly move on. Car’das looked into glowing red eyes with sadness in his own.

“Yes. Thrass died on outbound flight apparently to save the lives of civilians that survived the radiation bombs. A Chiss exploratory team found a colony living on an asteroid with wreckage on it and discovered your brother’s remains along with those of a Jedi. They reported to Ar alani who identified them and has since been trying to find a way to tell you.”

Thrawn was silent for a handful of minutes as he stood staring stoically at the inky star studded void outside the viewport. Finally he spoke with a softness that surprised even himself.

“Did they suffer?”

“No. The medical report said they both died on impact.”

Silence fell again as Car’das joined Thrawn at the viewport. It was a comfortable;e silence if somewhat tinged with grief. Again, Car’das wondered what Thrawn was thinking. Without turning, Thrawn addressed his friend.

“Thank you Jorj, for delivering this message. You are more than welcome to resupply you ship and stay however long you wish. However, you should know that I am on a mission to find and destroy a rebel uprising in this system. Things may get dangerous at any moment.”

“Thank you Thrawn, but I only came to deliver the message. I have to get back to my family. I’ve been gone a long time trying to find you.”

“Very Well.” The walk and turbolift ride was silent again but neither of the two men minded very much. Outside his ship, Car’das turned back to Thrawn.

“I’m sorry. I know how much you two cared about each other. At least you know now.”

“Yes, after 25 years I have closure. I have you to thank for that. May warriors fortune be with you on your journey home.”

“And may it be with you as well, wherever you’re headed these days. Goodbye Thrawn, it was good to see you.”

“You as well, my friend.” Thrawn watched as the Memory lifted off and flew out of the Chimaera’s hangar. He then turned and headed for the bridge. As he walked in, a sensor officer spoke.

“The Memory has just left the system into hyperspace, Admiral.”

“Good. Continue to monitor any unidentified ships that pass through. There may be rebels here yet.” At his side, Captain Faro noticed the miniscule frown on Thrawn’s face. She knew that look even if it was heavily hidden. Thrawn had just lost someone. Someone important to him by Faro’s guess. Thrawn was no stranger to casualties and had remained impassive in the past. No, this one meant something to him. A family member perhaps? Or maybe a friend. It was hard to tell, but Faro knew she was going to have a talk with him about it later. Personal experience told her that people needed to talk about it in order to move on properly.

Hours later, after her shift had ended, Karyn went to the officers lounge. It had been a slow day, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t tired after 12 hours on the bridge. When the doors opened, she was surprised to find one a single occupant at the bar. Thrawn was seated at the bar and didn’t seem to notice Faro as she sat next to him. There was a glass and a half empty bottle of whisky in front of him.

“Whatever he’s having.” she said to the droid tending the bar. The droid placed a glass in front of her and poured some brandy from the bottle in front of them. Nodding her thanks, she swirled her glass before taking a sip. She made a face.

“Strong stuff if you ask me, eh Admiral?” Thrawn was silent, merely staring into his glass. Karyn wondered if Eli or Gilad ever had to deal with this kind of shit. Alright, whatever, might as well get to the point. She took a deep breath and spoke in a soft voice.

“My wife died.” At this Thrawn turned his head. He had the same reserved expression he always had but there was something else there that Karyn couldn’t quite place.

“I am sorry for your loss Captain,” he said equally soft.

“Thank you. Her name was Vivian. She was beautiful and she was mine. I’ve lived without her smile for about 7 years now. We married right after she was diagnosed with cancer. It’s hard sir, losing someone you love.” There was a somber silence that followed, each of them thinking about the past. Karyn was mostly thinking about Viv’s sweet smile. That had been the hard part. Watching her love’s smile as she died a bit more everyday was worse than when she actually died. A part of Karyn died with the smile and the sad eyes that accompanied it. Thrawn startled her when he spoke.

“I lost my brother 25 years ago. I never knew for sure what happened to him until today. He gave his life to save civilians and it was partly my fault. I should have listened to him when he told me not to get involved, perhaps then he would still be alive and I would not have been exiled.” Thrawn Looked into his glass again and saw his reflection. He wondered what Thrass would look like if he were alive today.

“What was his name if you don’t mind me asking?”

“His name was Mitth’ras’safis. Thrass was his core name.” Karyn looked at the sad expression on his face and realized she was crying when a tear had slipped down her cheek. She wiped it away with the back of her hand and grabbed the bottle of whisky. She poured another glass for them and then held hers up.

“Well then, To Vivian and Thrass, may we meet them again someday.” Thrawn was still for a second and then a small but sad smile appeared on his face. He raised his glass as well and said something in a strange melodic language Karyn did not understand. SHe had the impression that it was something along the lines of what she had said. They both knocked their glasses up and both made a face afterwards. Karyn laughed lightly as Thrawn simply smiled. The two friends remained at the bar for hours talking of their loved ones and drinking to ease their pain. Thrawn was glad that, although he was exiled by his people and given a mission that was light years away from his home, he could still have a drink with a friend.

#grand admiral thrawn #thrawn #outbound flight #thrass #star wars #canon mixed with Eu #karyn faro #jorj car’das #fanfic #enjoy yall #karyn’s gay fight me #also she totally drinks with thrawn #they have game nights with the officer staff

[writing-radionoises]

afterlife

ship: background terumob and ritshou, implied seirei

genre: angst with a bittersweet ending

prompt: mob tries to cope with death and learns he's really bad at it

notes: autistic mob is canon because im autistic and i said so

--

Reigen was always good at reading people, me particularly.

He was better than Ritsu, who had lived his whole life around me, and better than Teru, who was arguably horrible at the task.

Reigen knew me better than anyone I knew. 

He could tell what percentage I was at before I could even spill the numbers.

Even though he was never as great as he said, and I had known he was a fraud for years, I do believe that somewhere deep down, Reigen did have an ability.

Reigen passed the year after I graduated high school, so I guess we'll never really know.

It was a couple months ago, but I'm still not strong enough to talk about it.

I'm struggling to live as an adult without him.

There's no one who can really understand my situation as much as he did.

Even though I love Ritsu and Teru dearly, and they're working hard to get in the level Reigen was once, they'll never be Reigen.

I'm never going to have a person like that again.

… Probably.

Before he passed, I used to text him when I was starting to get overwhelmed, about to meltdown, and he'd help me ground myself, keep it under wraps.

Sometimes he'd call, he had a comforting voice.

I find myself still texting his old number, I'm sure it goes to some random person now who didn't even know who Reigen was, but that doesn't stop me.

I apologize a lot in those messages.

Partially because it was my fault he passed.

Partially because I feel bad for dumping all my emotional baggage on the person actually receiving these.

I vent about my day, I scroll up and read our old conversations, I take pictures of things that remind me of him and send them.

… Part of me is half expecting him to respond.

Part of me is hoping he's gonna text back and say "Aw, what a cute puppy, Mob! Be sure to give it lots of pets for me!"

And then he doesn't.

I had a meltdown at his funeral, it was embarrassing.

Dimple didn't know what to do with me, Ritsu was trying to get everyone to settle down.

Teru tried to comfort me from afar.

I cried a lot that day.

I couldn't leave the house for weeks.

I got fired from my job because I hadn't come into work so long.

I stayed home alone, constantly at my limit.

100% loneliness.

100% sadness.

100% mourning.

I think the stages of grief work differently for me, I never had a denial, bargaining, or anger stage.

I jumped right into depression, head first.

I'm working my way out of it, though.

Reigen had no living family, but he had put me in his will, so I had gotten most of everything he ever owned. Ritsu tried to get me to get rid of it, but I was already attached to most of it.

So I kept most of his belongings.

Teru wasn't mad when most of our apartment was cluttered with Reigen's stuff, and I was stuck in the middle of the apartment, desperately trying to cope.

He organized it, framed pictures and put away books.

I still couldn't cope. But he insisted that was okay.

I readjusted my routine, trying to keep my lost father figure as far from my mind as possible, but he still forced his way in.

Today, Dimple insisted that I visit Reigen's grave for the first time in months. Ritsu said it was a bad idea, that it would only awaken more grieving, but… Maybe it could be the closure I needed.

The train was loud, so I had worn my ear defenders, and sat close to the window while I waited for my stop.

I felt like a middle schooler again, on my way to the Spirit and Consultation Office after school.

I wasn't, but it was a nice warm feeling to be reminded of. 

My stop came along, and I hopped off the train and headed towards the graveyard. It was autumn, the wind had just gotten chilly and the leaves started to fall. I slipped off my ear defenders and continued walking.

"Dimple," I asked, "Were you ever… Human? Or were you just always a spirit?"

Dimple looked back at me, I'm sure if he had shoulders he would shrug, "Don't really know, Shigeo. I've been like this for as long as I can remember, so I doubt I was ever human. Why?"

I looked down towards the ground, shoving my hands in my pockets, "Maybe… I've been too consumed by grief to think about this before, but I'm wondering if maybe… Reigen is a spirit now."

"Don't get your hopes up."

"I know but… It'd be a nice thought. To actually talk to him again instead of just… texting his old number like he's still there."

"Maybe so, but would it really feel any better to know he's stuck here instead of going into the afterlife?"

I fell silent again, Dimple might've been right, maybe I was selfish for wanting that.

I don't like the idea of him being stuck here forever.

What if he asks me to exorcise him? Would I be able to do it?

Would I… be able to live with killing him twice?

"Don't think about it too much, kid," Dimple reassured, "Think about something else, like… Oh, Serizawa's coming to town soon, isn't he?"

I nodded, "He is, he's going to take over the business, and probably move up here. He left to visit family for awhile… the grief was too much for him."

"And your brother is getting married soon, right?"

"I think so… I hope he and Shou don't feel like Teru and I are pressuring him since we're already married… Teru and I have just been together since middle school."

"Ah, I'm sure he doesn't feel like that, hey look! We're there," Dimple replied.

I looked up at the entry way gate, and headed on in.

I could feel the presence of many spirits, most of which were good meaning, as I moved down the aisles. I remembered which one was Reigen's, I'm not quite sure why I memorized that, as I came across the gravestone.

Reigen Arataka

1993-2025

A father to all,

A lover to one.

I remember Serizawa picking out that inscription, he confronted me about it before confirming it.

It was the first thing to make me smile during the week of Reigen's death.

I took a breath, looking down at the grave, and then getting on my knees.

The ground was cold, and I felt no presence here.

"Reigen…" I started, trying to collect myself, "I'm really sorry. About… everything. About the fight I got you involved in, the people I got you involved in with, not taking over the business like you wanted… I'm really sorry about that one, I should've done it, but it feels so… so… empty without you… Serizawa said he was gonna take it, though. I know he's gonna take good care of it, I'll work under him, too. Maybe someday… I'll let go enough to be able to do it? I don't know…"

I balled up the fabric of my jeans into my hands, trying to keep it together.

"I've been texting your old number, I'm having such a hard time living without you… I love Ritsu, and Teru, and Dimple but… I don't think there's a person in the world who could get me quite as well as you did. You taught me a lot of things, I'm not sure if I'd be the same person without you. Teru, as patient as he is, is probably tired of my mourning and constant depression. I had a meltdown at your funeral, I'm sorry about that, too, it was really embarrassing…"

I fell silent again, biting my tongue.

"I think… I'm happy about the moments we spent together, though. There could've been so much more, you died so young, but the ones we had… they make me pretty happy. A part of me, though, has been thinking about you on the afterlife. Wondering if you're a spirit and wondering… how much damage I can do with my powers. It was my fault you passed, my fault that many people passed and now I'm wondering… am I really a good person? Am I doing good enough? Will I ever… live up to what you thought of me?"

There's silence in the air as I feel the emotions build up once again.

75%.

"I'm really nothing without you, I'm so annoying to everyone because you're all I can talk about. I can't remember the last time I saw my parents, Serizawa left town for awhile, Teru's coping by overworking himself and here I am, crying to someone who isn't here anymore and can't do anything to help. Here I am, texting a dead person and still praying they'll text back and… And… I'm just…"

93%.

"I'm just so… fucking lonely, Reigen, I'm so fucking lonely."

There isn't a response. But I expected that. Nothing but the wind as I still pray to hear a familiar voice.

Just one more time, please.

Just one more hug.

"Hey, Mob!"

I lift my head up, and I'm met with a ghostly figure of someone I once knew.

"Still venting to me from the afterlife, huh?"

#Character i kin: #ne projecting my loneliness: it's free real estate #*me #mp100 #mp100 shigeo #mp100 dimple #mp100 reigen #reigen arakata #shigeo kageyama #mob psycho 100 #ritsu kageyama #kageyama shigeo #kageyama ritsu #mp100 teruki #mob psycho 100 teruki #hanazawa teruki #teruki x shigeo #terumob #writers #writer #writing #writblur #writblr

[notsoguiltykpop]

Champion pt9

Jungkook x Reader

Racecar driver / street racer au

Genre: Romance, slow-burn, suspense(?), fluff, slightly smutty later on in the story

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 10

Synopsis: You might have gotten your start on the street, but you’ve always had bigger plans. With a new sponsor backing you, you’re all set to work your way up in the motorsport world and make it big.Your dream is to take down Jeon Jungkook, who is currently one of the best drivers in the sport. He doesn’t quite know how he feels about this rookie winning all the races and getting all the attention, but it reminds him why he’s racing in the first place–to be nothing but the best, and leave everyone else in the dust.Things get complicated when he falls head over heels for the competition.

—

Jungkook woke with a start and immediately regretted it. His head was pounding and the room was too bright, and he shifted on the couch to try to roll away from the window. It took another moment for him to figure out that he was on a couch that wasn’t his, and in his half-asleep state he almost started to panic, but then he sat up and remembered where he was.

Jooheon was sleeping on the couch across from him still, snoring lightly, and Jungkook caught himself smiling. He had to admit, Seokjin was right to talk him into going to the party. He had needed a break and some laughs. He was even glad he got to know 52 better, and he meant it when he told the other driver that he thought they should be friends, not enemies. 52 was strange, but in a funny sort of way, and was growing on Jungkook fast.

There was a nagging thought in the back of his head as he sat up straighter, blinking in an attempt to wake himself up further. There was something he needed to do, he just couldn’t quite remember what it was. He felt around for his phone first in his pockets, then on the couch, and finally spotted it on the card table.

He stood and stretched before making his way over to it. He wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, but there was something he was supposed to do first, if he could just remember–

“Shit.” He muttered once he picked up his phone, seeing the last text he’d gotten from you the night before. He’d invited you over for breakfast, of all things. It had seemed like a good idea at the time; the next day he had free was a week away, and if you were actually willing to talk now, he wanted to hear what you had to say. And if you weren’t going to talk, if you were expecting him act like you hadn’t driven off and left him, and like the illegal race hadn’t happened, then he wanted closure. He looked at the time–7:12–and decided he might still be able to get back to his house before you did.

Eleanor was in the kitchen, and gave him a bemused look as he half-hopped past her, trying to get his shoe on as he went.

“Stay for coffee, you don’t need to rush out of here–” She started, but Jungkook shook his head.

“Late,” He said distractedly, checking his pockets for his keys.

Eleanor raised an eyebrow. “Where do you need to be at seven in the morning on a Monday?”

“It’s a long story,” Jungkook muttered as he began looking around for his car keys. He had them last night, and he couldn’t figure out why they weren’t in his pocket now. Eleanor opened the drawer next to her before holding them up, smiling.

“This what you’re looking for?” Jungkook held his hand out in answer, but she just held them out of his reach. “I took them as a precaution last night. You can have them back if you tell me where you’re off to in such a hurry. You didn’t say anything about having an early morning.”

Jungkook sighed, tonguing his cheek and folding his arms. “I don’t see how it’s your business. But if you have to know, I invited someone over for breakfast.”

“You did?” Eleanor scoffed, still holding onto his keys. “You never pass up the opportunity to sleep in. Who are you and what did you do with Jungkook?”

“Ha ha,” He replied dryly. “You’re hilarious. Now give me my keys.”

“Whoever it is must be important…” Eleanor mused, tapping her chin in thought. “You’re dating someone, aren’t you? When do I get to meet her?”

Jungkook decided not to argue that he’d never said it was a her, nor had he said anything about a relationship; He was already running out of time, and didn’t want to waste more of it. “Most likely never.”

Eleanor seemed taken aback by this and slightly offended, and Jungkook took the opportunity to snatch his keys out of her hand.

“It was a fun party, tell Simon I said hi.”

“This conversation isn’t over!” Eleanor called after him.

—

[Jungkook, 8:13] “Back door is open. Help yourself to coffee”

You glanced at his text again, still reluctant to get out of your car. You couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a bad idea. Telling him about your past might make everything worse, not only now, but also when he learned who you were. But you needed to do this. Seokjin already knew everything, somehow, so Jungkook would find out about it sooner or later and you would rather he heard it from you even if that wouldn’t change anything between the two of you.

Taking one last deep breath, you decided that procrastinating further wasn’t going to help anything.

His house was on the small side, almost modest, but cute and well maintained. The garage door was open as he said it would be, and you stepped carefully over a motorcycle he appeared to have entirely taken apart. You expected to see his Maserati to be parked on the other side, but instead saw a Nissan GTR.

“Jungkook?” You called when you stepped into his kitchen. The smell of coffee hit you first, and the smell of Jungkook’s aftershave and cologne under that. It was comforting in a way, and calmed your nerves drastically.

The ingredients for waffles sat on one side of the sink, and a coffee pot with two mugs on the other. You poured yourself some and hopped up to sit on the counter, hoping the caffeine would wake you up. You only got about two hours of sleep the night before after getting home so late.

It wasn’t long before Jungkook appeared, his hair still wet from his shower.

“Hey,” He gave you a half-smile, his eyes looking as tired as you felt. “Sorry, been running late all morning. Had a late night…”

“Yeah, me too,” You sent him a smile back.

Neither of you said anything for a moment, and right as it was starting to feel awkward, Jungkook seemed to snap out of whatever train of thought he’d fallen into.

“Is waffles okay?” He asked, not waiting for an answer as he began measuring the ingredients out.

You nodded anyway before sipping your coffee. As nervous as you were, you were still glad to be there with him.

“I didn’t know you could cook,” You noted, smiling softly to yourself. You couldn’t help but think that it would be nice if you were there under other circumstances; the idea of waking up to this, sleepy Jungkook making breakfast, was more than appealing. Your smile faded somewhat as you realized what you were thinking, and the likelihood of that never happening.

“Oh, I can’t,” Jungkook replied quickly as he cracked the second egg into the bowl.

“It sure looks like you can,” You raised an eyebrow, but he just shook his head.

“No,” He chuckled lightly as he began mixing the batter. “I can cook waffles, specifically. That’s pretty much it.”

“It’s a good thing I like waffles, then,” You joked.

Silence fell for a few minutes after that, neither of you quite sure where to start. But once the batter was poured, there wasn’t much more avoiding the elephant in the room.

Jungkook walked over next to you to get his own coffee, close enough that you could smell his shampoo.

“I want you to know that I didn’t steal Coldwater’s car,” You started, looking at your coffee rather than directly at Jungkook as he looked up at you. “I’ve done a lot of questionable things in the past, but that’s not one of them.”  

“We don’t have to talk about this now,” Jungkook replied quietly. “Don’t you want to eat first?” He chuckled slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

You shook your head. “Honestly? I think I’d rather get it over with.” He nodded in understanding, leaning back against the counter across from you, watching you intently. “I started street racing in highschool. Made bets against other students sometimes, but it was pretty casual. I don’t remember when it started being about the money, to be honest. It was like one day I just realized that without racing, I’d be broke. After that, I started taking it more… Seriously, I guess. I got involved with some bad people, made connections I probably shouldn’t have…” You paused, lost in thought for a second. It felt strange talking about any of this with someone who wasn’t Jimin. Even Hoseok didn’t ask too many questions about your former “profession,” for lack of a better word, and you didn’t offer up any details. “One of those connection was Allen Schaltz. He became a sort of middle-man. He placed bets for or against me, depending on if I felt like losing or not, and he would collect my winnings–What?”

Jungkook had tilted his head to one side, bemusement on his face. “Depending on if you felt like losing?” Jungkook echoed.

You nodded. “I had to lose sometimes, otherwise no one would race against me, let alone place any bets. But no one could beat me unless I let them. So…” You let your voice trail off as Jungkook nodded in understanding, though he still looked thoroughly confused by the concept of losing on purpose. “By the time I realized what I had really gotten myself into, I didn’t see a way out. Any entry-level job wouldn’t pay enough to make up for me quitting street racing. So I stuck with it. Until last year, I mean.”

“What changed?” Jungkook’s expression was unreadable, and you chewed your lip as you tried to think of how best to continue. You hadn’t thought this far ahead when you told him you wanted to talk, mostly because you knew if you did, you would back out.

“Hoseok,” You said after a moment. “He saw potential in me. He said he would help me get out of the mess I’d gotten into as long as I agreed to quit street racing. He covered a lot of my bills until he set me up with the job at the cafe. I owe him a lot.”

Jungkook seemed to mull this over for a moment, brows slightly furrowed. “But you still decided to go behind his back and race anyway?” You could tell he was trying to keep the disapproval from his voice.

“I didn’t want to,” You shook your head, eyes on your coffee rather than meeting Jungkook’s own. “Allen learned a lot about me in the three years we worked together, so when I disappeared from the street racing scene, it was a lot harder to get off his radar. I knew he wasn’t happy that I quit–I was a source of easy income for him, after all. I should have expected that he wouldn’t let it go…” You realized you were rambling to yourself now, your voice quiet. You cleared your throat before continuing. “He showed up one night with a job offer–to drive in Coldwater’s place because he needed to win the race against his brother.” You looked up at Jungkook finally, gaze unwavering. “I didn’t want to do it. But Allen knows things about me that he… Said he would make public if I didn’t accept the offer.” You couldn’t think of a better way to phrase it. “If that information got out, Hoseok would go down with me. I couldn’t risk doing that to him.”

That much was true, at least.

Jungkook’s gaze had darkened. “He threatened you? Why didn’t you go to the police? I mean, that’s blackmail, right?”

You shook your head. “The information would still get out, even if I did manage to get him arrested for blackmail. I know Allen, he’s always got a backup plan.”

Jungkook ran a hand through his hair in agitation. “Jesus.” He muttered under his breath.

“When the car crashed and I was the one pulled out of it, Coldwater had to come up with some excuse about why he wasn’t driving. The easiest one was that I stole his car,” You fidgeted with your mug, and seeing that Jungkook looked like he was about to say something, you added quickly; “I understand if you don’t believe me, I know how it sounds. But I wanted you to know the truth.”

You sat in silence for a moment. Jungkook looked like he was still trying to process all of this, and you still couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“And Hoseok? What did he have to say about the blackmail?”

“He doesn’t know about any of it,” You admitted. “Not the blackmail, or the race.”

“How’d you explain the crash, then?” He asked, then upon seeing you grimace, he nodded to himself. “He doesn’t know about that, either,” He answered his own question.

“I should have told him,” You sighed. “But I didn’t, I thought I had it under control, and now I don’t know how to tell him without sounding like I went back on my word to quit street racing–Which I did, I suppose.”

Jungkook sighed, eyes focused somewhere off to your left and at nothing in particular as he thought. “What does Coldwater have on you that scared you bad enough to agree to something like that? It wasn’t just the street racing, was it?”

“Does that mean you believe me?” You said, trying not to get your hopes up too high.

“It means I’m trying,” Jungkook replied curtly.

“Information that, if it got out now, under the wrong circumstances, could ruin my career. Could ruin Hoseok’s too, by association.”

Jungkook seemed to pick up on the fact that that was as much of an answer as he was going to get.

“I want to trust you,” He admitted, walking over to refill his coffee cup next to you. “And I guess I can understand why you didn’t tell me before.” You could still see the uncertainty in his eyes as he spoke, however, despite his words. “But if whatever this is–” He gestured between the two of you, “–Is going to continue, I’d like to feel like you trust me, too.” He turned to face you fully, then, his hand resting on the counter centimeters from your thigh.

“I trust you,” You said quickly, without even thinking.

The corner of Jungkook’s mouth turned upwards, as though he was trying not to smile and failing. “Then talk to me next time. At least give me a chance to understand?”

You nodded, unsure if you could even believe that things had resolved so well. “Does that mean things can go back to how they were?” You asked tentatively. This was the perfect opportunity to tell him the whole truth. Maybe not right this second, because that might be too much all at once, but this morning for sure. He would understand, now you were sure.

Jungkook tilted his head, then scrunched his nose. “Before that, I have another question.” You nodded for him to continue, unsure of where he was going with this. “Can I be your boyfriend?” His face switched from semi-serious to mischievous in an instant, a grin spreading across his face. “I know it might be too soon to ask, but–”

You broke him off by leaning forward, catching his lips with your own. You felt him smile into the kiss as he moved to stand in front of you rather than beside where you sat. He pulled away just long enough to murmur, “I’ll take that as I yes?”

His hands were gentle as they found their way to rest on your hips, pulling you marginally closer to the edge of the countertop.

You were about to affirm that it was most definitely a yes when you noticed an odd smell in the air.

“I think the food is burning,” You couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped you as Jungkook paused.

“Food?” He repeated blankly, then swore, hurrying over to the smoking waffle-maker.

“I thought you said you were good at cooking waffles!” You teased as the smoke alarm started going off. Jungkook muttered something about the fact that he wasn’t planning on getting so distracted as he tossed the ruined food in the garbage, and you took it upon yourself to start opening the kitchen windows, letting fresh air in.

When you heard the garage door open, you assumed it was Jungkook, so more air would flow through the room. It wasn’t him, though, and when you tuned and made eye contact with his manager, your heart sank. He didn’t look happy.

The alarm finally stopped in time for Seokjin to ask, “What are you doing here?”

Jungkook turned around to see him, looking a bit more than exasperated. “I think a better question would be what are you doing here?” He retorted before you had a chance to say anything. He then turned to you. “Y/n, this is my manager, Seokjin. He doesn’t understand boundaries and likes to show up unannounced.” He rolled his eyes dramatically before going back to trying to clean the waffle maker.

“We’ve met,” Seokjin sighed, helping himself to some coffee. “Also, I texted you an hour ago I would be here–I wanted to make sure you hadn’t forgotten about the meeting later.”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Jungkook sighed. “So you can leave now.”

Seokjin seemed to have other plans, though. “You’re not going to invite me to stay for breakfast?”

“Nope,” Jungkook replied curtly, crossing his arms.

His manager pressed his lips into a thin line, glancing at you before catching Jungkook’s arm and pulling him just out of earshot.

“Jungkook…” He started quietly, sending another glance at you.

“We sorted everything out,” Jungkook assured the other man. “I took your advice and heard her out. We talked about everything, and you were right. There was more to what happened… Thank you.”

It wasn’t often that Seokjin didn’t know what to say, but he stood in a stunned silence for a second while trying to think of how to answer. “I know I said that, but that was before–”

“Before what?”

“Before I really thought about it,” Seokjin sighed, though Jungkook could tell that wasn’t originally what he was thinking. “What do you mean by you talked about everything?”

Jungkook frowned. “Street racing, the crash…” He shrugged. “Why? I thought you’d be happy I took your advice for once.”

Seokjin just shook his head. “No, I am. I was just… Curious.”

He fell silent as you made your way over to the two of them, giving Jungkook an apologetic smile.

“I have to be at work soon, so I’m going to take off… I’ll call you?”

Jungkook tried not to pout. “You didn’t eat, though.” It was a flimsy excuse to keep you there, considering that there wasn’t anything too eat yet, but he couldn’t think of anything better.

“Another time,” You assured him, nodding at Seokjin on your way out. 

—

Your collarbone was healing. It was slower than you wished it would, but considering you hadn’t exactly been taking it easy, you couldn’t complain much. 

Just when you were starting to think that you wouldn’t have to tell Hoseok about your injury ever, you turned your shoulder wrong in qualifying the day before your race against Jungkook. 

You had been trying to primarily drive with your good arm, but in a moment of misjudgment, you pushed too hard.

“I’m sorry,” You said over the radio to Taehyung, after saying you were coming back to the pits. “I just–I can’t.” You knew if you continued to push it, you wouldn’t be able to drive at all tomorrow. All you could do now was hope that the few good laps you’d had would be enough to keep you in the top ten. 

Hoseok wasn’t there when you got out of your car, luckily. But it didn’t take long for someone to shove a cellphone into your hand and give you a worried look.

“I’m sorry,” You echoed what you’d said to Taehyung. 

“What happened?” Hoseok asked stiffly. 

“I uh–I’ve injured my shoulder,” You cleared your throat nervously. 

“How?” 

You suddenly wished you’d stayed in the car and just dealt with it. Sure, you likely woudn’t have been able to move it at all tomorrow if you had, but at least you might have avoided this conversation. 

“It was an accident, I can explain,” You said. You half expected Hoseok to start yelling at you for quitting qualifying, for screwing over your chances for tomorrow. But dead silence fell on the other side of the phone for an uncomfortably long moment. 

“You’re an idiot.” Hoseok finally said, and hung up before you could say anything else. 

—

You should be sleeping. Even if you were too nervous to get any real sleep, you knew logically you should at least be pretending to get some rest. Instead, you found yourself laying on your hotel room couch, Jungkook half laying next to you and half on top, his head resting on his hand. You had the excuse of supporting Hoseok to be there for the race weekend, and Jungkook didn’t argue much other than to say he was sure that you were really just there to support him. 

Over the last two weeks, things has significantly improved between the two of you, but weren’t exactly the same. Sometimes, when Jungkook would spontaneously text you a meme without context or show up at the cafe to lean on the counter and wink, saying he was in the mood for tea and his being there definitely had nothing to do with the fact that this was where you worked, you could almost forget that things had very nearly ended between the two of you.

Other times, like now, as he idly traced circles on your arm, eyes on the bruise that was still left on your collarbone, you were reminded that it was only a temporary fix.

“Does it still hurt?” He asked, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen over you.

You shook your head, smiling softly. “Nah, not really. It looks worse than it is, now.”

Jungkook nodded to himself, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. “Have you thought any more about going to the police about what happened?”

He’d brought this up before, never trying to pressure you, but not quite ready to let it go either. You could tell he was mad that you were dragged into it, but now his anger was solely directed at Coldwater.

“It’s not worth the risk,” You said again. You knew Jungkook meant well, and you appreciated his concern, but he still didn’t know what was really at stake if you made the issue even worse than it already was.

You could tell that he wanted to say more on the subject, but he sighed instead. “Okay. But maybe I could help if I knew what exactly the risk was…” He muttered, but seemed more concerned than irritated.

“There really isn’t anything anyone could do,” You shook your head. You had originally expected Jungkook to ask more questions about what the blackmail itself was, but for the most part, he’d done the opposite. He made it clear that if and when you were ready to talk about it, he was there for you, and left it at that. “Let’s talk about something else?”

“Sure,” With his free hand, he brushed a stray hair away from your face. “I’m glad you’re going to be there tomorrow.”

He didn’t have to say where for you to know he meant the race. “I wouldn’t miss it.” You grinned. “I have to be there when you lose.”

Jungkook rolled his eyes, and you were glad the mood seemed to have lightened drastically. “Sometimes I forget you’re my biggest anti-fan.”

“I’m not an anti,” You protested. “I’m just stating facts. 52′s going to beat you tomorrow.”

“Really?” Jungkook laughed. “Because I don’t think so.”

“We’ll see, I guess,” You shrugged noncommittally, trying not to grin, but that wasn’t enough for Jungkook. He shifted so he was hovering above you, his weight on his arms which were now on either side of you.

“Be serious for a second,” He started, and it was your turn to roll your eyes. This hardly seemed like the time or position for a serious conversation.

“I am being serious,” You argued, and he shook his head.

“What would you do if I lost tomorrow?”

You pretended to think about it for a second, tilting your head to one side in thought.

“I’d throw a party.” You decided. Jungkook gave you a dubious look.

“No, I mean really.”

“I’d throw a party,” You said again, this time with more finality. “With lots of alcohol, maybe some cake. There might even be some confetti. There will be a dance floor… Don’t look at me like that, you’re invited, too.”

Jungkook was giving you the most unimpressed look you’d ever seen, including that first day you met him on the track.

“You actually want 52 to win, don’t you?”

You nodded. “I thought that was obvious.”

Jungkooks mouth opened slightly, face incredulous. “I can’t believe I’m actually dating my biggest anti-fan.” He said this more to himself than to you.

“I already told you, I’m not–” You cut yourself off with a huff. “Wanting you to lose doesn’t make me an anti.” Jungkook looked like he wanted to argue, so you didn’t give him the chance. “You’re a competitive person, Jungkook. And do you know what competitive people need?”

“Uh, no?” He didn’t look like he knew where you were going with this.

“Competition! Otherwise you get bored. I know, because I’m the same way. You told me racing isn’t the same anymore, and that’s why you want to quit. I’m telling you that it’s not the same because you don’t have any more rivals left. It’s not fun to win if you didn’t even have to try.” Jungkook looked lost in thought as you spoke. “I hope you drive your best tomorrow. I hope you do everything you can to win, and I hope you come in second to 52. Because I think losing is exactly what you need.”

“So basically, what you’re saying is, a real fan would want me to lose,” He smiled mischievously. “Which means that you are a fan after all.”

“That’s seriously all that you got out of that,” You scoffed, rolling your eyes dramatically. “You’re impossible.”

“Maybe you’re right,” He admitted, suddenly much more serious. “Maybe it would be good for me to lose. It’s too bad you’re wrong that 52 can beat me, then.” He grinned, giving your forehead a quick kiss before pushing himself up off the couch. “I’ve got to get back before my trainer realizes I’m not sleeping. See you tomorrow, after I win.” 

—

A/N Um oops so this has been done since January and I just forgot to edit it. Please let me know what you think!! I know it’s been forever and a day since I’ve updated, I hope that you haven’t all left out of frustration. Thank you for reading, I’m so happy to be back! 

Tagging @batakookie and @joepesci-isfine

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future updates and I’ll add you to the list! 

#jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfic #bts jungkook scenarios #bts scenarios #bts fluff #bts jungkook fluff #jeon jungkook fluff #jungkook fluff #bts jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook fanfic #jungkook series #jungkook imagine #jungkook imagines #bts jungkook imagines #jeon jungkook imagines #bts jungkook imagine #bts scenario #bts imagines #bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fanfction

[megalony]

Baby of mine- Part 10

Finally had some more ideas for this Ben Hardy series which I hope everyone is liking so far.

Permanent taglist: @marshmallowmae @langdonzvoid @butlegendsneverdie @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss

Series taglist: @caborhapch

Series masterlist

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben's head leaned to the side as he narrowed his eyes in concentration on the skirting board in front of him. A small paintbrush in his right hand as he pulled his lower lip between his teeth, trying his hardest not to get paint onto the wall or the cream coloured carpet.

He felt a lot calmer when he was doing something like painting, it allowed him a lot of time to sink into the deeper parts of his mind and think things over for a while. Painting was rather calming and the skirting board at the bottom of the walls was so much easier to paint than the walls were. It didn't feel like you were going to be doing this forever like it did with the never-ending walls that needed three coats in the least to look decent. The actor was applying the second coat of paint now and then the room would be finished. There was no risk of Ben getting paint in his hair this way either since he was taller than (Y/n) he had done the tops of the walls and the ceiling. Needless to say, he put a little too much paint onto his brush and it dripped down into his hair.

His hair had gone from ash blond to having highlights of cherry blossom red in it which was a big contrast. Neither of them wanted the room pink, orange wouldn't suit, (Y/n) didn't like yellow and green was not an option. They originally decided on a pale dusty blue even though they were having a girl but the store didn't have it in stock. Then they spotted a dark cherry red colour that looked perfect.

It didn't escape (Y/n)'s notice that painting was one of the only things Ben had seemed happy and not resistant to do. He had suffered a panic attack when looking at the cot that sent his mind back to a very dark place. When that had been finished and put together the actor couldn't stop staring at it with such malice and anger in his eyes because of what it was doing to his mind. Ben didn't like to be the one to buy things for the baby, he left that to (Y/n) which she didn't really mind but it was a little concerning and confusing. It was as if he was finally happy to have the baby but preparing for her was not something he seemed to want to do. Painting was the one thing Ben had rushed to do, he also had a thing about folding the clothes (Y/n) had picked out.

When he couldn't sleep (Y/n) had often found him sitting cross-legged in their girl's room folding the clothes for her and putting them in the draws ready. Once he had even unfolded some just to fold them back up again, trying to occupy his mind and tell himself that this was really happening.

Clicking his back into place, Ben applied the last little bit of white gloss paint to the skirting board before setting the brush back in the plastic bag at his side to stop it drying up. Admiring his work as he put the lid back on the paint which was sitting on a sheet of newspaper as not to mark the carpet he was sitting on. They had one more month to go before their girl would be here and her room was pretty much finished now.

"How's it going?" (Y/n) questioned, her voice breaking Ben out of his thoughts that had been consuming him for a moment or two. Making him forget where he was before he turned around to face her, a small delicate smile pulling at his lips as he gestured to his handy work. Walking over to where he was sitting just beneath the window, (Y/n) rested a hand to his shoulder as he held her arm and waist to help her sit down beside him. Her eyes trailing over the room, happy with the colours they had chosen and everything that was finally placed in the middle of the room so Ben could move around and paint.

"All finished now." Ben responded, his eyes darting down to check that he hadn't got any paint on his hands like last time, thankful he hadn't since gloss was very hard to get off.

"Can I ask you something?" Turning his head Ben bit back the joke telling her that she just did, going for a simple nod in response to indicate that she could ask away. She didn't have to be cautious when she asked him anything and she knew that, Ben would tell her whatever she wanted to know but on the off chance he couldn't find it in himself to answer he would tell her that. She didn't have to be concerned about asking him anything, he wouldn't bite her head off. "Why is painting the only thing you wanted to do? I'm not trying to be rude, it just seems a little funny that you don't like getting anything ready or designing the room and stuff."

(Y/n) wasn't trying to make Ben feel uncomfortable or take a jab at him, she just wanted to understand what he was thinking and feeling. He was perfectly fine with going to the scans and appointments, he seemed to really like that part. He obviously loved the painting and decorating part. Placing clothes away was fine with him but that was it. Ben didn't like to buy anything, he didn't want a say in where the cot went or the draws or shelves or the changing unit. He helped move them wherever they needed to be but he didn't want to add an input.

Sometimes it seemed or even felt like he was a simple friend helping out rather than a parent getting involved.

Reaching out Ben scratched the back of his neck, he hadn't tried to hide the way he was acting and he didn't cover up the way having an input seemed to make him uncomfortable. Turning his head he locked eyes with (Y/n) as she reached over and took his hand, silently telling him that he didn't have to tell her if he didn't want to.

"The painting is... it's calming, I can cope with that... folding the clothes is like a mechanism I guess. That helps me to remember this is actually happening but everything else, it's too much." Painting didn't really have connotations or direct links to the baby, he could think of it as simply painting one of the spare rooms that was going to be put to use now. He liked painting, it was a calming thing to do it was Ben's form of meditation. Folding the clothes meant he could sit and look at them for a while, trying to imagine what it was going to be like to have a daughter wearing them. It was a little reminder and help to show him this was his reality, that this was his life and those nights where he couldn't sleep he could fold the clothes and process everything.

"What do you mean?"

"I know what it's like to prepare for a baby and it goes wrong. Last time I helped, I got the stuff ready, set everything up and within a month it wasn't needed. We left Tommy's room for two months because we didn't know what to do, like we were still waiting to bring him home. I don't want to get the stuff and get prepared to have this go wrong. It's mind-numbing to look at all the clothes and toys and necessities and not know whether to put the clothes in the bin, take the stuff to the dump or put it in the attic for later. If I don't do all this I don't panic that it will go wrong."

Ben had helped Cora last time.

He had set the cot up, put up the shelves, gave his input on where he wanted things which caused many debates. He painted the room, he chose some of the toys and the clothes and the bottles and blankets. Ben was a part of all of that and then within three weeks, Tommy had gone.

If Ben got involved this time he felt like he was setting himself up for failure, waiting for the worst to happen to him a second time around. He and Cora had broken down more than once when it had finally been time to move the things from Tommy's room. They knew children weren't in their future together and then Ben had gotten his own place to live when they split. They had to clear Tommy's room and they didn't know how. Some of the things went in Cora's attic that she wanted to keep, Ben had kept some of Tommy's clothes and toys and put them in the attic here. They gave some of the toys away, got rid of a lot of things and everything left seemed to drift between charity shops, their attics and just giving them away.

It was so hard to have to get rid of everything but some of the things were never used and so they held no sentimental value to either parent. The things they couldn't bear to part with they kept but it was still hard to clear everything out because it made it so real to them both.

"You know, Cora doesn't want kids, but she wanted to keep Tommy's cot. I took it down when I still lived with her and she wanted to keep the horrid thing." The cot had been where Tommy had passed away, Ben saw it as responsible and he wanted to hack away at the wooden pieces and then set them on fire to feel some kind of release or justice or closure.

Cora couldn't let it go. It was one of the few things Tommy had used, he had slept in that for nearly three weeks and he had passed away in the cot. She wanted to keep that memory because they had watched him sleep in the cot. Cora didn't want the cot somewhere she could see it, but she wanted it as a keepsake. They didn't have very much left of Tommy so she wanted whatever she could grasp. Ben didn't want that because it was such a horrid memory for him, it sent him reeling. The clothes Tommy had worn and a pair of shoes he had were what Ben wanted to keep. He took a few soft toys and teddies but he mainly kept clothes and a few blankets.

"It may have given her some form of comfort. Has she still got it?" (Y/n) asked the questioned quietly, unsure if Ben knew the answer or not.

(Y/n) could see both sides of that argument. Ben didn't want it because he had found his son dead in it, he saw it as a monstrosity that needed to be destroyed because of the bad memories it held. But to Cora, her baby had slept in that, it was one of the few things she had and it could have comforted her to know she had something like that to remember Tommy by.

Her head tilted to the side at the sudden look on Ben's face as he seemed like he was going to burst into a fit of tears at any given moment. His eyes losing the contact with her own so he could look to his hands instead that were clasped tightly in his lap.

"Cora didn't want me to take it down... I never knew she wanted to keep it. I'd had enough of walking around the flat and seeing that omen in the corner of Tommy's room, it killed me (Y/n). I took it apart and smashed the wood into pieces. It felt so good but w-when she asked what I'd done with it she screamed at me when I told her. If I knew she wanted it I wouldn't have done that." Neither of them wanted children after Tommy and Ben couldn't keep peeking into Tommy's room for comfort or to look at his things and see the thing that practically killed him resting in there. Ben wanted it destroyed to try and get some closure.

He thought that if he got rid of it then it would help Cora as well as him, they wouldn't have that memory hanging around in the flat to haunt them. If Ben knew that the cot would have been something that could help Cora come to terms with things, that she wanted it as a keepsake then he would have taken it down and put it in the attic or something. He would never hurt her like that deliberately.

"I'm scared, (Y/n). I don't want to see our girl in that." Ben pointed to the crib resting in the middle of the room that was hanging behind him like a shadow that wouldn't leave him alone. "How can I sleep if she's in that? I'll just come and watch her in case something happens." Ben knew that if he saw their daughter in the crib than he would spend many nights leaning over it to check that she was still breathing. He could already see himself going mad with the desire to make sure she was okay in the dead of night or during the day when he was out or at work. He'd lost one child to a cot, he wasn't ready to lose another in any way, shape or form.

The tears finally broke free from his eyes as he rested his head on (Y/n)'s shoulder when she gently pulled him into her for comfort. One arm wrapped around his shoulders as the other went to the back of his neck, gently carding her fingers through the very short strands of hair at the back of his head. Feeling one of his arms wrapping around her waist and resting on her back as his other hand rested to her stomach. His fingers tracing random patterns on her skin as he sighed into her neck, trying to calm himself down.

"I don't know the answer to that Ben. But I do know that she doesn't always have to sleep in that, if you feel too worried or scared she can stay with us. You could even have her on your chest to calm you down. We'll work it out sweetheart, I promise." (Y/n) couldn't give Ben a definite answer to his worries and she couldn't tell him that everything would be alright or that he would get used to their daughter laying in a crib because the chances were he wouldn't. Ben had been scarred by losing his son and he clearly had those worries about losing his daughter too. All (Y/n) could promise was that she would be there to help him through it and that they would find ways around this.

Their daughter didn't have to be in the crib all of the time, she could sleep in their arms for a while or on their chests or in the car seat or somewhere else. They would work it out because Ben watching over her cot every single night would not be the way to go.

"Where did this come from?" (Y/n) drifted from their previous conversation when her eyes latched onto a stuffed teddy bear resting against the leg of the crib to her left. She knew all of the toys and teddies she had bought and the ones they had gotten from friends and family, this wasn't one of them. And she knew it wasn't one of the very few Ben had bought when he had been out. In moments of either doubt or a sudden change of heart he'd bought a few little things but that had been about it and this teddy wasn't one of them.

It looked rather sweet, it had very pale dusty blue eyes and light honey brown fluff that was the cuddly kind. It felt like it was made out of a blanket and the teddy had a bright yet docile smile that made (Y/n)'s lips curve upwards at the sides as she wondered who had got this. Reaching out she gently took hold of the teddy bear, her other hand continuing to rub up and down Ben's back and shoulders as he pulled back to look at what she was referring to.

"I got that for Tommy." The small smile fell from (Y/n)'s lips as she turned her head sharply to look back at Ben. Watching how his eyes glossed over again as he looked to the toy that had comforted him for the past seven years. A small smile pulling at his lips despite himself as he remembered the very shop he had bought it from, how much it had cost and how he thought it was perfect for a newborn. After Tommy passed Ben had kept that toy for himself, using it as a sort of comfort blanket to try and calm himself down during the bad times. It had been stuffed into the box of Tommy's things for the past few years.

"You..."

"He liked to sleep with it, so I thought our girl could have it. It might help her sleep too, or she might not like it I don't know." Ben had set the teddy bear in Tommy's cot and he had slept rather well next to it, sometimes resting his head on the soft fur of the bear. Ben thought rather than keeping it for himself in the box their girl could have it. Maybe it would be something to help her sleep or calm her down or just something to make her smile. Ben would rather her have and love it than it be hidden away in the box forever.

"It's perfect."

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben x reader #dad! ben #imagine #baby of mine

[randomingoftherandomness]

endgame post

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS BENEATH THIS CUT

[Update] I made a Youtube review (still spoilery though). If you wanna support what I do, please consider buying me Ko-Fi

Firstly, there’s no after credits so don’t bother waiting around for that. Three hours is a long time to be holding your pee. Second, bring tissues. I was crying from the moment the title sequence rolled. 

The main thing you need to know is that there was time travel courtesy of Scott Lang and the Pym particles in this film and a tonne of pop culture references in terms of time-travelling and it was all 

The gist of the Time Heist was that they were gonna go back into time and get the Infinity Stones before Thanos could get to it and they figured out that if they hit the right year, there were already three stones on Earth (Mind, Space & Time). So our heroes split up into three teams to Pokemon Gotta Catch’em all.

Now, we’ll start with my favourite, the love of my life, Tony Stark. My man. We got them right that Carol Danvers definitely brought Nebula and Tony’s space ship back to Earth. There is a five year time jump in this film that saw Tony and Pepper get married (which regardless of how you may swing on Pepperony, YAY!) and have a child together, Morgan H. Stark who, let me tell you, I would die for because she is the perfect copy of Tony and I would not be surprised if one day they did a Young Avengers roster and she is there. Tony Stark having a child of his own and it is glooooriuuusss.

Steve Rogers got rid of the beard, and honestly I missed it ngl. 

Let me just say that I adore, adore, adore them for not letting the Stony reunion be just a push by. They let it breathe and matter and it was every angsty Post-Civil War fanfic brought to life. They allowed Tony to lay it into Cap that this was what happened when you didn’t listen to me when I told you I saw this coming. There was a reference to the suit of armour statement from Age of Ultron and Tony laid it into Steve that look at what we lost because you tore us apart and it hurt so good my friends, so good. But over the course of the movie you could see them slowly relearn to trust and depend and be a team again and it was great. When they said that Endgame was a Stony event, they meant it. I live for this. I love it.

Thor got a beer belly and it’s as if the writers underestimate the powers of our thirst for this man. I would still ride him like no one’s business. He’s let himself go, feeling the survivors guilt weigh on him because he aimed for the head and not the arm. The Valkyrie survived Thanos’ raid on the Asgardian refugee ship and New Asgard is formed, probably, where Odin told Thor to remember the view. Thor, Korg and Miek are running a roommate situation where the Wifi is free, and Thor fights back Online trolls.

I think we all knew going in that Clint Barton was gonna be the Ronin and they certainly didn’t disappoint. They gave us a bit of Hiroyuki Sanada’s character fighting with Clint and that was great. But it honestly made me want to say SO dark you sure you’re not the DC Universe?

Natasha has always been a character I was always a bit miffed with the writing about. There have been many complaints about the inconsistencies of her characterisation and those weren’t unwarranted. That being said, I am at peace with where they took her in this movie. 

Hulk and Bruce Banner managed to find some zen where Banner’s consciousness could exist at the same time as Hulk’s body. 

I’m so happy about the way they treated Nebula as a character and you could tell that Karen Gillan was given a lot of room to stretch out and breathe here. As one of the effects of travelling into a timeline which had her past self, Future!Nebula shared the same network with Past!Nebula which allowed Thanos to access her memories and to be aware of what the Avengers were planning to do. Which, Oh No.

So what happened: The heroes split up through time and space to get the stones. Steve, Tony, Scott and Bruce all go back to 2012 during the Battle of New York, where Bruce goes to convince Tilda Swinton’s Sorcerer Supreme to give him the Time Stone, Steve goes and intercepts the Mind gem (still in Loki’s glow stick of destiny) by convincing Sitwell and Rumlow that he was all Hail Hydra, which gave me all kinds of Hydra!Cap feels, Tony and Scott get to go for the Tesseract. Shit happens, Bruce succeeds by telling the Sorcerer Supreme that Strange gave it willingly to Thanos which clues her in that there might be more to it, and Steve battles himself for the glow stick of destiny

Also, there is much mention and appreciation of Steve’s ass. America’s Ass. Yes, indeed. That is a nice derriere. Premium grade American Ass right there 🍑💦

(I’ve been waiting hours to use this gif :>>>) 

Tony and Scott screwed the pooch and they lose the Tesseract while Loki, who sees an opportunity, snatches and bails. So I guess that’s how they get to slip into the planned Loki series for Disney+. Tony and Steve then jump back to the 1970s where they can get more Pym particles, for more jumps and where the Tesseract will be both at the same place, the secret bunker facility we saw in Cap2. Steve chances upon Peggy’s office there and spends some time looking at her from the shadows, while Tony bumps into his dad who is freaking out about Tony’s impending birth. He manages to give his dad some advice on becoming a dad, and they gave us a nice closure for Tony who hugs and thanks his dad for everything he has done. 

Rhodey and Nebula go to Morag to intercept Peter Quill right before he gets the orb with the Power Stone. They both succeed but right before they can jump back, Nebula is paralysed by Ebony Maw hacking into her memories and she figures out that Thanos knows the plan. Rhodey jumps back, but she doesn’t and is captured by Thanos, Past!Nebula and Gamora. 

Clint and Natasha travel to Vormir and is soon acting like self-sacrificial idiots who battle it out to throw themselves for the Soul stone. Clint manages to clear the ledge, but Natasha is the one who pulls a switcheroo and tells Clint to “Let me go” which :<<<<<< So she dies and Clint gets the stone.

Thor and Rocket go to Asgard circa Thor The Dark World to get the Reality gem. Soon, Thor bumps into Frigga who immediately tells him that she knows he isn’t her son and that the future must’ve not been kind to him. She gives him some words of comfort and wisdom and tells him, despite his insistence that she knows what is going to happen to her, she doesn’t want to know, and honestly this movie gave Frigga the character fleshing out in five minutes what two movies couldn’t and I fucking love it. They are also successful and right before they leave, Thor calls for Mjölnir, and is pleased to know that he is still worthy when she answers.

Our heroes all come back, plus Nebula but they all soon realise that Nat isn’t coming back. They waste no time with assembling the stones with Tony’s nanotech gauntlet (I was kinda bummed we didn’t get to see more giant Peter Dinklage but I guess season 8 of Game of Thrones was a big thing huh) and Hulk-Banner takes it upon himself to do the snapping because he is the strongest avenger and it damn near kills him (remember this). 

It works, but before our heroes can enjoy the sweet taste of success, we figure out that Nebula ain’t our Nebula and is Past!Nebula who has impersonated our Nebula to open up a portal for Thanos to arrive in. Thanos decimates the Avengers facility and we enter the final battle.

Thor, Steve and Tony are the only ones not currently trapped under rubble and they all try to hold Thanos off from Clint who has the gauntlet and the stones.

Thor becomes pinned down under Thanos who is trying to stab him with Stormbreaker when Steve picks up Mjölnir and knocks him a new one and we get Thor saying “I knew it!” and let me just say that by this point I was screaming. Really. This was a comic book payoff and I love it. #SteveIsWorthy

This battle bit made me so anxious, like, holy shit I was worried for the safety of all involved. Then we see that Steve is the only left standing against the legion of Thanos, but wait! We see the Strange’s magic circle portals and it shows the arrival of all the other heroes who were snapped. So we have Black Panther coming in with the Wakandans and Bucky and Sam who goes “On your left” to Steve, the heroes on Thanos’ home planet (PETERRRR) and also, Pepper in her own armour! 

We get, fucking finally after all this time, to hear Cap say “Avengers Assemble!”

The ensuing melee sees them all try to get the gauntlet to Scott and Hope who are standing by the Pym van to try and get the stones back in time where Thanos can’t get them, and we get to see Peter finally get his hug from Tony and ngl I was crying.

All through it all our Nebula convinces Gamora that she’s changed, and that they have to stop Thanos, and our Nebula kills Past!Nebula when she tries to kill Gamora. 

It becomes a whole monkey in the middle situation with everyone passing the gauntlet off to another teammate and we see Peter activate Instant Kill, which is awesome, and then just when shit was about to get worse, get Carol coming in to get the gauntlet coz she’s the star quarterback here (i honestly feel like she was only here for the beginning and end so if you’re only watching this for her, i’m sorry?) and Peter asks her how's she going to get through all of that, all the women Avengers come up and Okoye says, “Don’t worry, she’ll have help” which just, ❤️

When Stephen Strange came back into the fray, Tony had asked him whether this is the one time they succeed and he says that he can’t say it because then it becomes real. So, when it seems like Thanos was going to get another shot at the snap, he makes eye contact with Tony and lifts up a ☝🏼which. 

Tony makes a roll for the gauntlet, but Thanos pushes him back, tries to snap but. Nothing happens. We turn, and see that Tony has the stones melding with his gauntlet, and as he prepares to snap his fingers, looks Thanos in the eyes and says “I am Iron Man”

Tony lays dying on the battlefield as Thanos and his legion are dust in the wind. Rhodey, Pep and Peter all say goodbye and are with him to the end and fuck y’all I thought I did my crying in the cinema but as I’m remembering this scene I’m tearing up again holy shit.

We get a funeral where Pepper and Morgan lay a wreath on a lake which had the Proof That Tony Stark Has A Heart reactor from IM1 laid on it. The funeral is a who’s who of the MCU and we get Harley Keener back, which is, yay, but also :< Happy asks Morgan what she wants to eat and she says cheeseburger. Which. Fuck. Tears Happy up as he promises to get her all the cheeseburgers she wants. And ensures that I won’t be touching a cheeseburger within the next year. So many callbacks to IM1 which was the movie that started it all and I can’t even.

Clint goes back to his family, looking like he’s hanging up the bow for good this time, and Thor hands over Kingship of New Asgard to Valkyrie and boards the Guardian’s ship for a future instalment of GOTG. 

Steve is charged with being the one to get the stones back into their own timelines. Right before he goes, we get a callback to Cap1 with “Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone” “How can I? You’re bringing all the stupid with you”, they prepare to pull him back but he misses the jump point. Sam, Bucky and Hulk-Banner panic for a moment before Bucky spots a man in the distance. They approach, and Bucky tells Sam to go talk to him, and we now see that it’s an aged Steve Rogers who had decided to stay back in time and is very much at peace and happy with it, Sam tells Steve that he doesn’t know how to live in a world without Captain America, when Steve hands over the shield to Sam and tells him that he’s it now. Now I cannot wait for the Falcon and Winter Soldier series.

The final scene in this movie was of Steve and Peggy dancing in their living room in what looks like the 1940s. Honestly, if I hadn’t already gone through a pack of tissues, I would’ve started then.

Cameos (at least the ones I picked out): Ken Jeong as a security guard in the San Fran warehouse where the Antman van was parked, Yvette Nicole Brown at Camp Lehigh, James D’Arcy as Jarvis (Which I was super stoked by because JARVISSSS), Joe Russo in a therapy circle with Steve (also made me real happy coz they kept a gender drop uncensored in my screening), and finally who could forget Stan Lee’s cameo all bedecked out in ‘70s flower power.

This movie was a lovely bowtie on 22 movies and 10 years of the MCU. Was it everything I wanted? No. It was more. Am I happy with what I got? No, I do wish some things ended differently but I knew they were coming. Nothing good lasts, and everything had to come to an end some time. I’m still unpacking my emotions tbh. The credits had all the OG6 signing their names, and the fact of the matter is, I have been so very changed by the MCU. The past 10 years have been amazing and I’ve been proud, and always will be proud to call myself a Marvel fan.

I honestly don’t know where they’ll be taking the MCU as a whole from this point onwards because it seems like there will be ripple effects from the actions of this film will be felt for at least the next ten years. Far From Home is the next MCU movie and I’m sure they’ll be dealing with the direct effects of this film so I’ll be looking forward to that. I’m elated, I am heartbroken, I am a glass case of emotions. 

#gab watches stuff #avengers endgame #endgame #marvel #mcu #tony stark #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #clint barton #bruce banner #thor odinson #iron man #captain america #black widow #hawkeye #hulk #thor #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers

[whalien-imagines]

The Love Experiment

Experiment AU!

WoozixReader!

Word Count:+2.8K

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: I should be finishing my final papers but instead I did this... send help. 

Everyone sat in the auditorium, eagerly waiting for the presenter to take the stage. Jihun was known for the most exciting speeches. This year was no different. They knew he wasn’t going to fail them this time. Soon the room lights as dimmed down as the stage lights were all focused on him. His stage presence was so... dominating. It didn’t need to beg for attention, instead is naturally grabbed the eyes of everyone. 

That’s all Jihun needed. He walked down to the middle of the stage and looked behind to make sure his powerpoint wasn’t on yet. He believed in the element of surprise was more important.  

Here goes nothing, he thought.  

“Love. It makes people happy and crazy. It has the birds singing and the people grasping for it at every moment. However, is it really a magical moment that happens like the movies?” He paused, adding effect. “No, it’s fucking not.”

Everyone jumped at his accusation. 

Jihun smiled, he hoped for that very reaction. He continued, “Well you all know that the process of falling in love is simple. It’s the series of chemicals that have us feeling euphoric and... well other things. What I’m here to talk about in this series is about an experiment that I conducted last year. With the social experiment, I used thousands of volunteers but I’m going to only explain 1 case tonight. It’s the very special case of a close somebody.”

-1 year ago-

The clock was ticking. It was the only thing making noise in the otherwise silent room. Jihun was watching how you reacted to the silent, since it scared most future patients away. This experiment needed the best of the best, Jihun thought. 

However, you were still comfortable as ever. 

If anything, it worried him on how unfazed you were acting. 

“So, when are you going to interview for this?” You asked, suppressing all the anxiousness that was building up inside. The only thing that kept you from completely breaking down was the only thing that college students are thinking of...

Money. 

This whole thing was paying you enough to stay financially stable until the next experiment science has to offer. You needed it since recently your roommate had hit you with the moving out card, leaving you with not enough time to find a new roommate and left you instead with a new found debt. It was a terrible move from their part, but luckily you saw the flyer for this project and decided that you were healthy, young, and ready for anything crazy. 

Jihun shifted in his seat and nodded, beginning the interview. He watched as you answered everything quickly, creating a rhythm in how everything was going. He was interest on how quickly you took control of everything. Your answers were unpredictable and show

Surprisingly, he liked it.

So much that decided to do something crazy.

“Well, Miss (y/n), you seem to be a perfect candidate for our project. I will email you later tonight and explain what you will be doing as a patient.” The both of you stood up and Jihun led you over to the exit of the office. He explained that you wouldn’t end up with any psychological problem and that it’s a simple process. Before he let you completely leave, he pulled out his hand. You were a bit taken aback from this but shook his hand. You looked at him and that’s when it happened. 

The sparks. 

You suppressed the feeling and continued to act unfazed. All you could think was about how you are connecting with the experimenter and how wrong this was. You searched for any reaction from his part, but he remained just as calm. 

Before the any of you realized, you both were still holding each others hand. You quickly let go and apologized to Jihun, who in turn was smiling. It was going according to plan, he thought. 

He watched as you walked out of the building, almost too fast. 

-Present time-

“See, I introduced the patient with their new found partner. They both had completely opposite type personalities in every way. From the MBTI to their intelligences. The question was, how was science going to prove that only a few steps need to be followed to trigger the chemical change to have them believe their falling in love?” Jihun stated. He smiled, glancing at everyone and watched as his eyes fell on you. He visually tensed up, choking a bit on the suffocating hair. 

He tried to pull himself back together, he was still in front of an audience. 

“It’s a simple process really, when you first meet someone. You want hold their hand longer than expected and maintain eye contact. While that seems simple, there’s a specific time your suppose to maintain it for before it completely makes the situation awkward. Can anyone guess-”

“3 seconds.” Your voice announced. All eyes soon fell on you and you watched as Jihun struggled to maintain his cool and collected persona. It was your time for a rebuttal. “3 seconds is how long your suppose to maintain in physical and eye contact.” 

“Yes that’s correct, thank you miss...”

“(y/n).” You replied, but quietly added, “but you already knew that.” 

“Good, so in doing that. He was asked to add moments between him and the patient, creating a longer time. With this, he establish a relationship and created a process where the further increase each moment longer and longer. In turn, the patient believed that they were falling deep in love.”

-7 months ago-

You were sitting across Jihun. 

He decided to meet up at a nearby coffee shop since he was a master student at your university. It was quite odd, because he kept finding time to meet up with you. He asked about how you were and seemed to be trying to get to know you.

It felt oddly nice.

He was funny and seemed awkward at first, but after some time with you, the chemistry from before began to happen. Jihun was relieved for two reasons. One, because he needed to have this experiment work. Two, because he wanted to know you. 

He just couldn’t believe that you wanted to meet him again after the first time. One coffee date turned into 10 and soon found yourself meeting with him more often than you thought. 

Although, you still wondered when the experiment would start. 

He talked about things that were going on, and kept you interested in the conversation. It felt like you were a couple, but you weren’t complaining about it. You like spending time with him, because he would hold your hand constantly and refuse to let it go. It was adorable really because he was surprisingly touchy. 

He said he loved knowing you were there. 

The dates became more intimate, and that’s when he finally gathered up the courage to kiss you. 

It was after one of your dinner dates. Everything seemed to be going well and you were getting a little impatient for him to finally kiss. Jihun decided to drop you off at your front door. He noticed how often you were not so subtly glancing down at his lips. It made him smile, because of how impatient you were getting. That’s when he decided to finally break wall he had built and kissed you. 

It felt so... beautiful. It wasn’t a magical moment nor something like the daydreams of high schoolers, but it felt like it was moment you wouldn’t forget. 

The indimating man was so sweet and kind to you. There wasn’t a moment that you didn’t love being with him. Sure, he was very work-oriented and more serious but you knew that he had his ways of showing affection. Whether it be working in the same room with you or reading to you the stuff he was working on and asking your opinion. 

You loved him for it.

His small little smiles when you were teasing him about being serious were so gorgeous. He also loved it when you ran your fingers through his hair after a long day, telling him that he worked hard and that he did a good job. 

He was so soft sometimes, but it was something only you knew.  it was a secret you kept to yourself. 

A memorable moment was a small one. It was a time where Jihun had come from work a decided to visit you at night. A patient was causing him a hard time and all he wanted to do was get away from them. He seemed frustrated and stress, so you helped him destress by forcing him to watch an emotional movie with you. At first, he didn’t want to, but by the end the both you were holding each other and complaining about all the shit of life. 

It was just your way of making him feel comfortable. 

-Present time-

Jihun glanced at the slide that was on the screen, feeling his heart break a bit as he felt the anger radiating from you. What if he hadn’t lied? What if he had stopped the project and allowed himself to feel what he felt. Would it be worth it? Would you still feel the hurt of the experiment?

He wished he could back.

He shook himself out of his thoughts, “It wasn’t until the end that the actor had to reveal the truth, and in it we had them take a questionnaire, revealing their feelings and how they believed they fell in love.”

A hand soon was raised and both you and Jihun were surprised. It was a classmate of your. You recognized her from some of your classes as the one always asking some of the craziest questions. For whatever reason, you were glad she was going to ask a question. 

“What happened after? I mean feeling were clearly involve. If the patient fell in love and it seemed that method worked. That must have meant that the actor also fell in love,” she stated. 

Jihun tensed up at the unexpected question. Why hadn’t he thought of an ending to the story? Given that students want closure, he forgot. 

“Uh... well... to be honest that’s a part of the story that I don’t have. When the experiment ended, they had a choice to make things work out. Love may not be a magical moment like the movies, but it does give us the choice to make it feel magical. Ever patient that was a part of the experiment realized that, and learned that it’s a choice and not a feeling. Feeling can come and go but choosing to love some past those feelings is real love.”

You watched as his eyes fell on you, “I figured that feeling out when I met that certain someone as well. A very close person, whom I love dearly despite everything.” He smiled. His eyes fell back on the audience. They searched around for you, but you stayed hidden away. How would they react if they knew that a student stole the heart of their speaker? 

-3 months ago-

Jihun was a serious man, and had a cold side that hurt anyone who felt it, including you. 

At first, Jihun was saying that he was getting busy with work and couldn’t come around more often. Then there were other excuses that followed until the days where he hadn’t answered any text or call. 

You didn’t know what you did wrong. Was it something you said or something you did? There wasn’t a moment where you saw him get upset.

It wasn’t until the night he randomly showed up that you finally got a hint of what was going on. At first, you thought it was break-up, but the sad look in his eyes said something else. 

The moment Jihun saw you, he wanted to grab you and hug you so tightly as if the world was going to end. This wasn’t something that he wanted to end. Your love was something that he felt was worth it all. However, he knew how hurt you were going to be, so why not avoid the whole talk and cut off ties? 

He walked in and sat you down like the first time you met. A silence had fell in the room again, but this time it felt too heavy. There wasn’t any clock that sang to the room, nor any mystery to each other. 

It was a painful moment instead of a new beginning. 

Jihun had pulled out some paperwork for you and explained that the experiment time was over and that you as the patient had to have a final interview to finish off the final paperwork. 

That’s when a harsh reality had set in. Jihun had used you and the whole relationship for the experiment. It made you wonder if anything he felt was real, or was he just that harsh of a person?

Jihun had been waiting for the right time to mention the experiment. How the hell does one do this? It like the cliche moment you see in love stories, but this was real life. His heart was a stake, because you had become something bigger than a project. 

He sighed, “I’m sorry... I need you to keep yourself together as I conduct the final interview. Any final comments after can be said after we finish.”

As much as you wanted to argue, you agreed to the terms and held yourself together throughout the interview. He had asked detailed questions about how you felt and when you believed you fell in love with him. It felt to painful to even remember those moments. To think how naive you were to the truth. 

Jihun turned off the recording and watched as you collapsed into tears. He tried to comfort you and wanted to tell you the truth but you pushed him away. “Go away, get out! I don’t want to see you anymore!” You lied. You didn’t want him gone, nor did you really hate him. 

You wondered how hard it must have been for him to hold this secret for so long. How hurt he must been feeling at the moment. All your thoughts were wondering about him. Even though he hurt you, you still care about him. You didn’t stop loving him for something like this. 

You wished he knew how much you wanted him to stay. 

However, Jihun never did learn that sometimes you meant the opposite sometimes. You watched as Jihun gathered his things and walked out of the room for what felt like the last time. 

-Present time-

All the students applauded Jihun for his presentation and began to make their way out of the auditorium. You sat there, waiting for Jihun to notice you one last time. You swore to yourself that this was going to be the last time before you completely let go of him. 

That’s what you wanted to believe. 

Jihun finished gathering his things and glanced around the room one last time when his eyes fell on you. Instead of a glare or scowl, you smiled. His heart skipped a beat and he forced himself to face back down. He didn’t want you to see his face becoming flushed. 

You walked down to the stage and prepared yourself what you thought was the last time for you and Jihun. You didn’t want it to be. Instead, you wanted to be doting on Jihun for giving a beautiful presentation and laugh with him about his beginning. 

“You did really good up there.” You announced. He glanced back up and felt himself become so hopeful. You hadn’t changed much, but you were still so beautiful in his eyes. 

“Thank you, I was really excited to talk about it... i guess.” He hated the small talk. He wanted to know how you were doing and so much more, but he was stuck in this hell because of the decisions he made. 

He wondered if you still hated him for his actions. 

The both of you were stuck standing awkwardly on stage, trying to find something to talk about. However, all you could think of was of him admitting that he still loved you. “You... you uh mentioned earlier something about-”

He blushed, “ah that! Right, I did mention that in front of hundreds of people.” 

You smiled. Jihun was never good about talking about his feeling. You knew that, and also knew that sometimes you were the one who was having to push it out of him. 

“Jihun... I came up here thinking this was going to be my last time seeing you but you are someone I wanna keep seeing everyday again.” You watched as the shy boy looked over to you with this new found spark. “I know we had this project hurt us, but I want to try again. A new beginning really.”

“As long as I get to prove that I still love you.” He muttered. He reached for you hand and felt your warm hand intertwine with his. It felt so right to him. Maybe Jihun didn’t get the tight hug and passionate kiss like he wanted, but he just glad that he was getting another chance with you. 

#seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen woozi #seventeen lee jihoon #Seventeen #lee jihun #jihun angst #jihun fluff #jihoon x reader #lee jihun imagine #kpop imagine #kpop #kpop angst #kpop fluff

[finetastrophe]

the complexity of heartache | l.ty

pairing: lee taeyong x fem!reader

summary: when a childhood gang grows up, there is no consistency left; only growth remains.

word count: 4.027 

genre: gang au (but i don’t think you can call it that) slight angst | fluff

note: this is my first fic! sorry for any grammatical errors. i hope you enjoy! p.s. i will find a pic to go with this fic. 

you were a part of a gang, but not like your typical gang that dealt drugs, got involved with the law, or in general, did bad things. there was a time when all of that actually happened, and you could refer to that as a time before now. however, you were just a crew that wanted to have fun and enjoy life. everything was great.

your gang had a leader. lee taeyong. he looked out for your gang and did what he thought was best for your gang. he was caring for each of our members: johnny, mark, yuta, and you. you used to have more, but a falling out occurred and the gang was left with the five of you. after the falling out, taeyong’s heart grew cold, and his facade changed. 

he always cared though. he was weary whenever any of you guys were out and about  on your own. he ceaselessly gave you guys censure whenever you’d talk back, saying things like he’s overbearing and he need to chill. he’d always ignored you guys before coming around and apologize. 

you would apologize too, for hurting his feelings. you knew that he was just looking out for you guys and doing whatever he can just so he knows that you were safe. you would be lying if you didn’t do the same for him. and he honestly appreciated that you were looking out for him as well. 

and things were set. you’d go on adventures and have fun.  

lee taeyong always got lost, however. he was great at leading but never great at finding your home. it was always mark who lead you back because he was terrified of getting lost, then cold. 

one day, taeyong suggested that you guys should venture out into the forest, claiming that there was this waterfall hidden behind a closure. mark, being as cautious as he was, left x’s on trees with his pocket knife. he gave you a quick smile before returning to his actions. taeyong glanced over at the interaction, and slowed down his stride until he was walking next to you. he broke his facade just a second to grab your hand and tug you to the front of the group. he kept your hand in his for the rest of the walk.

you reached a hilly land with trees scattered here and there. there was a distant sound of a water crashing down and you guessed that might have been the waterfall that taeyong was referring too. you all sat down next to one of the trees. taeyong sat next to you while yuta, mark, and johnny sat across from you. taeyong’s hand still burned in our hand and you ignored the feeling that it was giving you. 

this place was similar but not the same to when you had your whole gang. remembrance of long talks and longing sighs were exchanged there. remembrance of promises and dreams that eventually were broken were created there. remembrance of memories were lingering there. you wondered if taeyong remembered where that place was. 

pulling you out of your thoughts, yuta offered you a small snack. you grabbed it from him and began to munch on it. occasionally, you would offer taeyong some and he’d gladly accept it. you sat in silence before johnny broke it. 

“so any updates?”

mark was eager to go first, “i found this cool place where we could skip rocks and stuff, y’know. it’s by the pier, near the big ferris wheel.”

mark always started. these updates were a routine: johnny posed the question, mark would start, the rest followed, and taeyong would conclude. 

“i think we all know where that is,” yuta snickered.

“and what’s your update, yuta?” mark fought back.

“well, being a man of nature, i found this mountain that i think we’d all would like, especially y/n. i know she likes serene settings to calm her mind,” yuta reported and he casted a small smile towards you. 

“i would like that,” you nodded, noticing taeyong’s grip increased. “i’m glad you thought of me, yuta.”

“i mean it’s the least that i could do since i know you miss that--” yuta stopped himself after taking a glance at taeyong’s glower. 

“what’s wrong?” you asked yuta, but your concerned focused towards taeyong. 

“nothing,” taeyong shook his head, intercepting your question. “what’s your update, y/n?”

“well,” you began, “there’s this creek, a bit up north from the pier. there’s running water and the creek is deep enough to take a dip. i thought it might be nice to swim there. take our mind off thing.”

“yeah, that sounds great, y/n!” johnny responded. “when do you want to go--”

“we can go tomorrow.” taeyong’s voice was firm.

“really?” you were enthusiastically surprised.

“really,” he said, with a shy smile, “anything for you.”

the next day, you were buzzed with excitement. you wore your old ripped jeans--a constant staple--an old baggy tee that taeyong gave you once, an over-sized black bomber jacket, and clunky combat boots. underneath laid an old bikini, bit tighter now, but still hugging all your curves.

you grabbed your house keys, leaving the small abode behind. a helmet adorned your head as you hopped on your motorcycle. revving the engine, you were off. 

the cool breeze flew through your hair with no regards to your responsibilities that were waiting for you at home. a genuine smile spread across your face as the adrenaline rushed through your veins. your heart seemed to be in a constant systole as it was beating rapidly.

the meeting spot came into your view and you slowed down your velocity. you hopped off your bike and lifted the helmet off your head. your hair cascaded down onto your shoulders as you greeted the members. they responded with a similar smile, but there was an unfamiliar face amongst the group. a girl, roughly your age, stood comfortably next to taeyong. your heart dropped a bit as you made your way next to yuta. taeyong rarely brought new “members.”

whenever taeyong brought in new “members,” they were always female and taeyong’s fling at the time. he never brought them around a lot, but when he did, it was just to make things more interesting. it never really bothered you before; well, before now.

the girl was dressed a bit more darker. a leather jacket engulfed her body as a lacy crop top was hidden underneath. black denim shorts hugged her hips and a chain was attached to the belt loops, hanging low. her red high top sneakers matched her dark red lip. large hoop earrings hung from her ears while her dark dyed hair with red tips concealed her jewelry. she was gorgeous despite her cold exterior. 

you made an uncomfortable shift to which yuta noticed and placed a comfortable arm around your shoulders. you relaxed slightly into  his touch while focusing on taeyong’s girl. taeyong’s gaze felt heavy against you guys. 

taeyong cleared his throat, “ this is chaebyul.”

chaebyul nodded once before smiling. you all smiled back before introducing yourselves. 

“i’m mark, but you can call me mark,” mark started. you stifled your laughter. yuta was laughing into your neck. 

“i’m seo. johnny seo,” johnny gave a ridiculous pose, putting two fingers to his temple before saluting. 

with his free hand, yuta pointed to himself using his thumb, “nakamoto yuta. yuta if you’d like.” he then gestured to me, “this is y/n.’

you gave a small wave, as taeyong was struggling to figure out what was going on between yuta and you. 

chaebyul looked confused. taeyong clarified, “don’t worry--”

“we’re all like this. better to let you see the real us before you actually find out what we do. we’re a gang,” you deadpanned, interrupting taeyong. mark gave a disbelieving look as you had never interrupted taeyong before. 

yuta was laughing still into your neck as johnny spoke up, “yeah. we’re a gang but not the kind that you would think. but i got to admit, y/n handles a gun really well. wouldn’t want to be caught in between that.” 

“what are you saying?” mark joined in, struggling to hold in his laughs. “she is definitely better with knives. her aim game is strong.”

yuta pulled himself from your neck, “no, no, no. she’s the best at torturing. with her sexy stare and her enticing--” 

“hey! that’s enough!” taeyong gave everyone a glare, focusing more towards yuta. 

“we’re just kidding,” you shrugged, knocking yuta’s arm off of you. “don’t worry. i won’t pull that stuff on you, unless you ask for it. when are we going?”

taeyong sighed before giving his answer of “now.” you split off into three groups: taeyong and chaebyul, mark and johnny, yuta and you. 

yuta and you were leading since you knew the location of the creek. yuta’s arms gripped your waist as you sped down the empty roads. this town was barren and the only excitement that came was when you would venture it. 

you all grew up here; you all grew up together. 

you passed by familiar houses of former members before heading into the somewhat crowded town. the pier was bustling and people were enjoying their time there. colorful beach huts lined along the board walk, near the food stands. the ferris wheel stood tall, towering over the beach. 

“look at that view!” yuta shouted. you turned you head, glancing at the sea that reached the beach by the pier. the water was glistening. 

“mark definitely chose a great spot,” you noted. “we should go there next time.”

“yeah,” yuta agreed. “it’s been a while since we’ve been to the pier. ever since--”

“i know,” you cut him off.

you continued on your way, going the opposite direction of the colorful beach huts. 

“yeah!” mark exclaimed before jumping into the creek, tossing his shirt somewhere. 

johnny quickly followed, then yuta. chaebyul discarded her jacket, while taeyong helped her. you stood off to the side of the creek, taking your hat and your boots. the bomber jacket and jeans were shed, and your socks found their home in your boots. the only thing left on your body was taeyong’s over-sized shirt and your bikini underneath. it was quite cold so you kept the shirt on.

you reached the side of the creek, sitting at the edge of the water. you placed your legs in the water, gaging the temperature. surprisingly, it was quite warm. yuta swam towards you and helped you into the water. taeyong’s shirt floated up, exposing your body slightly.

taeyong’s gaze met your eyes. a smile contrasted the look in his eyes. a dark, sensual desire pooled in his pupils and you stared back with equal intensity. your silent conversation was broken by mark’s calling of your name. 

you swam over to him and he greeted you with a wave. 

“hey,” johnny intercepted. “we’re going to play a game.” 

“what game?” taeyong was now standing next to you.

chaebyul stood closer to taeyong, holding on to his arm. you looked away, switching your focus onto johnny. you felt taeyong’s gaze burn into the side of your head. yuta slowly swam toward you, standing in between taeyong and you. taeyong’s look shot daggers into yuta’s head. johnny cleared his throat, sensing the tension. so much for getting your mind off of things.

“erm, i think it’s a game that y/n is particularly good at,” johnny explained. “see, i made a bet with mark that y/n can hit all of the targets--or in this case x’s--right in the center.”

“and i betted that y/n can hit every single target right in the center and knock my shirt off that branch,” mark stated his side. 

“so this whole game--well, i guess bet--is based on whether or not i can hit mark’s shirt out of the tree just so mark doesn’t have to do it? so what’s the prize?” you asked. 

“well,” johnny started, before mumbling something like ‘i’m not sure if you’re going to like this or not’. “like if you don’t knock mark’s shirt out of the tree, mark will be shirtless and i get a kiss. and if you knock it out, mark won’t be shirtless and--”

“he get’s a kiss,” you finished. “why a kiss?”

“i mean, we’ve always wondered what your lips feel like...y’know?” mark shyly shrugged. 

you thought about it for a good second, before agreeing. it’s just a harmless kiss, right?

yuta whined, “i wanna play too.”

you playfully shoved him. taeyong on the other hand disliked the game. 

“isn’t there another prize that she could give you...other than a kiss?” taeyong tried to reason. 

“it’s just a harmless kiss,” you shrugged.

“don’t tell me you haven’t wondered what her lips felt like? i mean, we all have. she is the only female in the group,” yuta passively said. 

well, taeyong was the only one who knew what your lips felt like. this was when you still had everyone and you were children. everyone was gossiping about their first kiss, but taeyong and you were the only ones who hadn’t kissed anyone yet. 

“so,” he begins. “ you haven’t kissed anyone yet.” 

‘what’s it to you?” you sigh heavily. “no one wants to kiss me.”

“i haven’t kissed anyone either,” he confesses. “do you want to be each other’s?”

you turn towards him, nodding. he sit closer to you. he holds your hand, before tilting his head to the right. you follow suit, leaning closer. your eyes flutter closed and you feel his lips lightly on mine. you stay this way, not moving an inch. you pull away at the same time. 

“thank you,” taeyong breathes. 

“taeyong,” you looked at him. “it’s just a game. why are you so worked up?”

he huffed, “okay. play your game.”

mark and johnny cheered.

“so what am i going to hit the targets with?”

“we thought that you could use mark’s pocket knife, but he only has one and we would have to constantly go and get the knife from the trees. so we decided for you to use a bb gun,” johnny clarified. 

“and where is this bb gun?” taeyong grumbled. 

“right here!” mark pulled out a small bb gun from his pile of discarded clothing. the pile that was missing his shirt. 

“you were carrying that the whole time?” chaebyul asked incredulously. 

“i carry it everywhere,” mark shrugged. 

“we don’t carry real guns anymore,” yuta explained. “i mean we used to but things changed and now we don’t.”

“many people were hurt and we promised not to carry real guns or do drugs anymore,” johnny continued. “and now we do things like this.”

mark handed me his bb gun. he explained that there are five targets total. you saw the first target and aimed. shot. bingo. smack dab in the middle. you moved on the rest. before you attempted  to hit the last one, taeyong spoke up. 

“i bet that you can’t hit it without looking.” 

“and if i do,” you challenged.

“you continue with their game, playing by their rules. but if you fail to hit their target, you kiss me.”

“deal.” you accepted. you aimed once more before looking away; your focus was dead-center on taeyong’s face. you pulled the trigger. you watched the escalation on his face morphing into disappointment. 

“you actually got it,” he whispered.

“that was amazing!” mark shouted, interrupting the moment that you and taeyong were sharing. “now get my shirt out of the tree.”

“you’re unbelievable,” you laughed. “you want me to shoot it out?”

“here,” chaebyul handed you a rock. “use this instead.”

you nodded your head in appreciation, gripping the rock firmly in your hand. you aimed the rock at mark’s shirt, angling it more toward the fabric that was hanging off the side of the branch. your projectile was perfect with enough force that the rock landed in the hanging fabric of the shirt, pulling the rest of it down to the ground. 

“i guess mark won.” you shrugged. 

mark looked over to you in anticipation, fluttering his eyes closed. you made your way towards him, leaning in. 

“hey!” mark’s eyes shot open. 

taeyong’s eyes were trained on the mere millimeters between your lips and mark’s cheek. mark turned suddenly and you felt his lips pressed against yours. you yelped, quickly pulling away. mark blushed while turning away as well. 

you distanced yourself from mark, and to that, taeyong announced that it was time to go. taeyong’s gaze lingered on your figure as you hopped out of the creek. 

“that was amazing, y/n!” chaebyul admired. 

“thanks,” you shyly smiled, tasting your ice cream. 

after the creek, you all decided to go for ice cream which was suggested by mark who seemed to be in a good mood. 

“where did you learn to shoot like that?”

deciding that you could trust her, you sighed. you went into the details about how your gang was formed, and what exactly you did. there was a time were you had to know how to defend yourself, and your gun was the perfect partner. you went on about how you had to learn how to hold a gun properly by yourself, and how you spent countless days training your aim. you were getting really into the conversation and taeyong took notice of it. he kept sparing you glances. when you had moved on to another topic, he had called you over to talk with him. 

“hey,” he started softly. “what’s up with you today?”

“what do you mean?” you crossed your arms. 

“i mean, you seem different.” 

“nothing’s different. i am still me.”

“when did you and yuta get so close?” he switched gears. 

“we were always close--why are you asking me all of this?” 

“just answer my questions,” he demanded. “it just seems that you and yuta are closer now.”

“what about her?” you fought back. 

“who? chaebyul? we’re just friends.” he stated. 

“then yuta and i are just friends. this conversation is over.”

you began to walk away from where he was standing when he grabbed your hand. he pulled you close to him. 

“let go of me, lee taeyong!”

“no!” he refused, “until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“you’re the problem.” you stated. “i can’t do this anymore.”

you pushed him away and began to run--somewhere far away from there. 

you kept walking in the dark. the only signs of light were emitted from the pier and the ferris wheel. you passed the colorful beach houses that did not seemed as vibrant as much as they did in the sunlight. your feet were aching and you instantly regretted now leaving your bike at the ice cream parlor. the cooler air nipped at your nose and you tugged your jacket closer to your body. the night was quiet except for the sound of the rolling waves that hit the shore of the beach.

you were left to your own devices which were only your own thoughts. taeyong, lee taeyong. you didn’t know when things changed--probably around the time everyone left--but you became closer with one another than before. he was looking out for you even when he didn’t have to; he looked out for everyone, but he payed special attention to you. he always held your hand, but refused to let others hold you hand. you’ve liked--no, loved (as cheesy as it may be)--for a long time. 

and it was the simple things that won you over. his small smiles that were directed towards you. the subtle warmth he would provide you if you were cold. his defensiveness and need to protect you when someone would badmouth you. the constant admiration of you as a human being was a rare find. 

you felt stupid for pushing him away, but at the same time, he was equally in the wrong. gah! it was so confusing. you should have stayed before impetuously running away. you should’ve stayed to talk about your problems and why you were acting that way. everything would be clear, you supposed. 

but the moment that you saw him with her, a switch had turned on. there was this complex feeling embedded in your heart. heartache. it felt unnatural. the only other time it occurred to you when you lost the rest of your gang. you guess you lost him when you saw him with her. 

you didn’t even notice the tears streaming down your face as you were far from the beach houses and more toward unknown, yet familiar land. you climbed through a greenery that slopes up. your feet were heaving your body up a tall hill with several trees surrounding it. once you reached the top, you sat down, staring out at the view in front of you. the waters that hit the shores of the beach wrapped around and crashed onto the shores of the meadows. the sound of the waves calmed you down, lulling you into a peace. 

it was this place where you all used to hang out before things changed. the good times coincided with all the bad times, but at this hour, you could only remember the good times. laughing and singing songs that you all enjoyed as you all swayed back and forth together. A constant, yet loving teasing occurred here as well as constant cold bickering. the signs were apparent, and the only memories left were the five of us. 

you laid back and enjoyed watching the view. you wondered if taeyong remember this place. after the incident, he did his best to remove this place out of his mind. and you guess that he did his best removing you out of his head too. 

“hey.”

maybe you were wrong. 

“hey,” you said not bothering to look at him. 

“i just wanted to say sorry for what i said earlier. i shouldn’t have said anything.” he took a seat next to you. 

you sighed, coming to terms with everything. “no. it’s okay. i shouldn’t have overreacted. i’m sorry too.”

“this place, huh?” he tapped the ground. “it’s been awhile.”

“yeah, it has.” you agreed. 

it went quiet for a while. 

you blurted, “i miss them. i know i shouldn’t because of everything, but i miss them.”

“i miss them, too.” taeyong confessed. “after they left, i was scared that the rest of you would leave too. and then i would be alone again. i was scared that you guys would want more than this old town like they did. it was silly of me to think that everyone would still share the same dreams after so long. i mean, we’ve known each other basically all of our lives. 

“but you stayed. you stayed despite the fact that you were offered something more than this life offered you. you could’ve gone and done wonderful things, yet you chose to stay with me. and for the longest time, i wondered why on earth is this amazing person choosing to waste their future with me. you suddenly became so important to me. i refused to let you go. so i selfishly kept you shelter, not really wanting to let you go or let you run off with someone else. that would’ve broken my heart if you did; i don’t think i would’ve been able to recover actually.”

you took a deep breath, “you became a part of my future, taeyong. i could never leave you. and i was confused. but then i saw you with chaebyul and i became scared that i was going to lose you. you’re my everything, honestly.”

“y’know, earlier i was telling the truth: chaebyul is just a friend. i thought that if i brought her i could forget about what i was feeling for you. but then you got closer to yuta, and my plan backfired.”

“and what did you feel for me?”

he looked you straight in the eyes, “i love you, y/n.”

you both leaned in, your noses touching slightly. his lips molded against your in perfect harmony. his hands cupped your face gently. you both pulled away, and his thumbs caressed your cheeks. your noses were still touching. 

“i love you too, taeyong.”

#nct #nct 127 #nct scenarios #nct angst #nct scenario #nct fluff #nct au #taeyong scenario #taeyong fluff #taeyong angst #nct fics #lee taeyong #finetastrophe

[aliceslantern]

Beyond This Existence, chapter 18

Summary:  After Xehanort's death, Demyx finds himself unexpectedly human in Radiant Garden. With nothing but fragments of his past and a cryptic statement from Xemnas, he's left to figure out who he is. When Ienzo asks for his help with a project, the two find common ground, but the trauma and secrets in both of their pasts could tear it apart. Zemyx (Demyx/Ienzo), post-KH3 canon compliant Read it on FF.net/on AO3

-----

The weeks wore on, one into the other. Coping with the mass amounts of chaos in his memory never became easier, but at least it was bearable now that he was no longer so alone. Demyx’s days took on a quiet sort of comfort. Studying, songwriting, socializing, and yes, therapy. Telling someone else these things was hard, but keeping it to himself was even harder. Similarly, listening to Ienzo’s own stories was no cakewalk. Their lives had been infinitely complicated and troubling.

With all this behind them, there was a start of a real sort of life, not the odd buffering phase of the previous few months. The castle was no longer so dreadfully uncomfortable, conversations between Demyx and the others no longer so stilted. He was starting to develop real friendships with these people. Oddly enough, Demyx found that aside from Ienzo, he was closest to Even. He’d taken an interest in healing theory as well, though more as a pet fascination than a vocation. Every now and again, Even gave him tests. It was his own way of reaching out.

“... How’d I do?” Demyx asked. He hadn’t had much written education of any kind, but at least the tests were something concrete to work toward. More structured than Aerith’s “give me a call when you finish the book” method of teaching.

“In all? Not bad.” Even passed the papers back. “Chemistry is your worst subject. But you knew that.”

“It’s the math.” Demyx skimmed the results and found that, overall, he’d done better than he’d thought. “I just can’t understand it.”

“Well--when it comes to calculating molarity--it’s typically just memorization of the base compounds.”

“And algebra.”

“For some reason I highly doubt you’ll have to deal much with kinesthetics in your everyday work. And if you do I’m a phone call away. I rather enjoy figuring it out.” He started shuffling through the sea of papers on his desk. “It gives me something to break the endless tedium of my days, anyway.”

“You’re not going to work on the Replica Program anymore?”

Even drew the hair out of his face. “On one hand, I believe that project has reached its peak. The replicas have gotten to a point where they’ve developed their own personhood, and their own hearts. That was the goal, to a degree. I’m of course going to study them as they age to see if they live out the same lives as ordinary humans. On the other…” He waved his wrist, as though dismissively. “What right have I to create new life? Now that I am becoming human, I feel more responsibility towards the way these replicas are treated. It’s as if I were to give birth. I suppose there might be a medical application to the creation of vessels--say, if someone were to be seriously injured or lose all neurological function--but again, what right have I to continue to meddle with such forces?”

“I can’t help you with that one,” Demyx said.

“No, it’s something for me to puzzle over. In the meantime, I’m going to continue to reflect on the ongoing intersection between magic and science within my life. It seems… most apt.”

“Why did you become a scientist?”

“Hm?” The question seemed to throw him off-guard.

“You’ve been with Ansem longer than anyone else. Why’d you do it?”

Even thought about it. “Why is it you play sitar?”

Demyx shrugged. “It’s just part of me. Always has been. If it hadn’t been sitar it probably would have been some other instrument. That one just happened to be given to me first.”

“Precisely. It’s part of your core, perhaps for no real reason. Or many real reasons, if you subscribe to fate or a divine. That is how I feel about my research. I could not separate the essence that is “me” from it. This is merely another phase of my life, and so I need to adjust my work accordingly.”

“To what?”

“Something that I hope is meaningful. I do not yet know what exactly.” He smiled. “Learning to change and grow after nearly twelve years of stagnation is taking most of my concentration.”

“It’s hard, isn’t it?” he mumbled, more to himself than Even.

“Incredibly.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll quiz you on the next three chapters next week.”

Demyx sighed. “No problem.”

----

Demyx was headlong into these chapters when Ienzo found him. With half his mind he was trying to figure out how to make the song he played better, the other half trying to puzzle out the complicated terminology. He wasn’t aware of his surroundings.

“How is it going?” Ienzo asked.

Demyx jumped, a discordant note throwing him off the melody.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Demyx let Arpeggio disappear. “It helps me remember, if I play,” he said. “Otherwise I can’t focus. If I read a chapter enough while playing a certain song, it sticks. I tried it the other way.  I don’t know how you guys learn stuff.”

“Everyone studies differently,” Ienzo said. “So you’re really going to do it?”

“That’s the plan,” he said. “She told me to read these before I came to her for the practical stuff.” Demyx shifted the books around.

Ienzo kissed him lightly.

“So what’s going on with you? I figured you were working on something, but I don’t know what.”

“Well, actually, that’s kind of why I came to find you.”

“The score? Ienzo, you realize I can just read it to you, right?” He hadn’t yet looked back at it. In a way, he wasn’t ready, even though he knew what the contents were.

He shook his head. “Not that. Though I would like to know what’s in it, if you’re not afraid to share. No.” He took the lexicon out from under his arm. “I’m afraid there’s something only you can help me with.”

He smirked. “What was it you said? “If you want to be alone with me you need only ask?””

“What? Do I really speak like that? Never mind-- no, this is something else.” Ienzo sighed. His cheeks were pink. “I want to go to the basement.”

Demyx bit his lip. He’d had a feeling this was coming. Ienzo had been making leaps and bounds dealing with his guilt. No doubt he wanted to make true peace with it. “Okay. Two things. First, not a great idea, all things considering. Second, why me? Why not Ansem or Even or someone else who was involved in the experiments?”

“You’ve got a weapon.” Very matter-of-fact.

He felt the blood drain from his face.  “So--let me get this straight. You want to go to the basement--where it’s crawling with Heartless and god-knows-what-else, not to mention where you’ve seen enough horror to go gray prematurely--”

“I haven’t gone gray. This is my natural hair color.”

“Babe, the last time you remembered something half as horrible you went kinda ballistic. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I’ve healed since then,” he said. “I have this--” he held out the lexicon, “whatever it means. I think the only way I can find peace is by helping them. Talking with them. Maybe I can help them find some little bit of dignity.”

Demyx exhaled, exasperated. “And do you really trust me to defend you? I’m out of shape, and I have no idea how strong the Heartless down there even are.”

He frowned. “What is this really about?” Ienzo asked. “Are you truly afraid of a few Heartless?”

Demyx didn’t know what to say, just that his gut was telling him this was an awful idea. “I guess not,” he said. “I just… I’m afraid that going down there and seeing all that will change how I see you. And I don’t want that to happen.”

Ienzo took his hands.  “I know that. And it might change your mind. But I… I need to do this. I hope you understand.”

Demyx knew what had happened in the basement. Maybe he didn’t know all the details--the how or why of it all--but he knew Ienzo had been involved in this dangerous human experimentation. He knew, factually, that Ienzo couldn’t really be at fault, that he’d been a child and too young to accept responsibility, especially since he'd been so manipulated. But at the same time, Demyx knew seeing all of it would be a different story. It would make it tangible. And yet. “You’d do the same for me. Alright. Let’s free some ghosts, or whatever.”

Ienzo kissed him. “I love you.”

“I can’t say  no to you. But you knew that.” He marked the place in his book and set it aside. “I’d feel better if we got some supplies. And if you rested. You look exhausted.”

“So tomorrow?”

He nodded. “Tomorrow.”

----

Later that night, while Ienzo read in bed, Demyx headed down to Even’s quarters. Slick, hot anxiety was building inside of him, making him vaguely anxious. He knocked, was let in. Even was folding laundry. “Did you need help with something?” he asked. Then frowned. “You do not look well.”

Demyx didn’t know what to say. “Ienzo wants to go to the basement.”

He paused just the slightest. “Yes. And?”

“Well--what if something’s down there?”

“I thought you could adequately defend yourself now?”

“It’s not me I’m worried about.” He exhaled and pulled his hand through his hair. “He’s got the lexicon. What if he tries using his powers again?”

Even shook his head. “He’s aware of the risk. I doubt he’d try.”

“What if he doesn’t do it consciously?”

He raised an eyebrow. “I had the impression it took a lot of effort for him to traverse your memory.”

“But he couldn’t control it. I don’t know what this is going to entail. If I’m just going to beat up some Heartless, or maybe there’s nothing down there and this is just for closure. But what if.”

“Since when was forethought a strength of yours?” Even asked, almost bitterly. “Boy, now you’re making me worry.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know who else to ask.”

Even sighed. He set aside the socks he was folding. “Come along.”

They went down to his lab. Even pulled out a first aid kit, some ethers, and some potions. He approached another cabinet and took out a vial and a syringe still in its wrapping. He placed them on the table.

“You’re aware of the correlation at this point, of heart failure and overuse of power.”

“Well--yes.” The sight of the medicine made him shiver.

“I’ve been poking through our research. The reason why it struck Ienzo so intensely has largely to do with the fact that he quite literally grew up as a Nobody. Trying to adequately corroborate his humanity with a Nobody will served to heighten the risk. It may not happen again. Perhaps he’s adjusted. At the same time… it may.”

“What’s that?”

“A serum to induce sleep. Should he begin to exhibit the same symptoms, you should dose him. And then call for help. I’m giving this to you as a precaution only.” Even unwrapped the syringe, prepped it, and then capped it off. Demyx caught sight of the label on the bottle. He knew enough by now to recognize it.

“That’s a poison. Not a sedative.”

“Sleep akin to death,” Even said, as though quoting. “Better than actual death, is it not?” He held it out. Demyx didn’t take it.

“I can’t.”

“You must. This is--” He exhaled. “For goodness sakes, you might not even need it.” Even placed it on the table in front of him. “Have you tried convincing him out of it?”

“Yes. But how can we escape it? We live here. He’s reminded of it every day. If it’s not now, it’d be some other time.”

“The boy is… determined.” He sighed. “I’m trusting you with this. With him. Do you understand?”

Demyx nodded.

“So take it.”

He took all the medicine back with him, feeling sick. He hid the syringe in the first aid kit and tried to pretend it wasn’t there.

Ienzo was still caught up in his book. “Did you get everything you needed?” he asked.

“Oh, plenty,” he said breezily. “How do you feel?”

“Surprisingly, not as anxious as I thought.” He shut the book and settled down in bed.

“Can I… stay with you tonight?”

Ienzo frowned. “Of course.” He lifted the covers and let Demyx crawl in. He drew Ienzo close, breathed in his smell. “I’m not sure why you felt like you had to ask. You scarcely sleep in your own bed anymore.”

“Dunno. I figured you might want some time alone.”

“I have spent a lot of time thinking about this alone. I don’t mind the company.”

Demyx looked at him. His eyes bright and alive. He kissed him once. Ienzo settled down against him and was asleep before long.

Demyx did not sleep a wink.

----

Morning. Breakfast. He bathed, feeling vaguely numb and dissociated, slightly outside of himself. When he saw Ienzo in his apprentice’s coat, he almost wondered if this was a bizarre dream. He gathered up their bag of supplies.

“You sure you want to do this?” Demyx asked.

“Yes. I’m sure.”

He sighed. “Lead the way, then.”

He followed him through the corridors, through the familiar, then down dozens and dozens of stairs to a locked door. The air down here was cold, and it smelled dank and musty. Crystal sconces lit everything brightly, but at the same time he felt as though he was squinting in the gloom. At the door, Ienzo hesitated.

“Did you forget the code?” Demyx asked.

Ienzo summoned the lexicon. The soft rustle of its pages barely broke the suffocating silence. Demyx felt his heart in his throat. This was not a good sign. Ienzo meant business. Demyx tried to tell him then what might happen. But he had to know. There was no way he couldn't, right?

He punched in the code, and in they went.

It did not look dissimilar to the containment cells of the Castle that Never Was. Gray floor. Black and silver doors. Stark, harsh fluorescent light. A couple of these spaces were offices, and what looked to be a small lab. Papers were everywhere, all over the floors. Beakers had been smashed, a computer screen cracked. Ienzo took it all in with little emotion.

The smoky, musty smell only ever got stronger. “They smell us,” Demyx said. He brought an arm up in front of Ienzo automatically. He pushed it away.

“Not yet.”

They moved forward bit by bit. Ienzo absently touched the numbers on the cells, peeking inside here or there. Demyx didn’t see anything, but he could taste it. The cells were riddled with scratch marks, places where the floor had been gouged away. A sink bad been torn out of the wall. A mattress ripped to shreds.

“There’s no one here,” Demyx said.

“Don’t speak so soon,” Ienzo said.

A silhouette of pure darkness crawled out of the ground. It looked weirdly human in shape, more like a Novashadow than the little Shadows he was used to. It did not give chase, but seemed to merely watch them.

Darkness began to slither out of the back cells, forming yet more Shadows. “Freaky,” he hissed. The Keyblade snapped into his palm. One rose out of the pool and shuffled towards them. “Stay behind me.”

“Not yet,” Ienzo said. He crouched down, and Demyx almost screamed, but the darkness on the floor didn’t crawl over him like it normally would’ve. “Do you remember me?”

Was he talking to the Heartless? It paused, tilted its head.

“I was little then,” Ienzo said. “Not anymore.”

The Shadow twitched and shuddered. A few more peeked out. “What are you doing?” Demyx asked.

“Giving it the Sora treatment.” He exhaled. “Put that away. We’re not here to hurt you all. Isn’t that right?”

The blade in his hand trembled a little.

“Demyx?” Ienzo prompted.

He let it disappear. Raised his hands, as if to show how empty they were.

Ienzo smiled kindly at the Heartless. “You’ve been here for such a long time, so alone.” The lexicon opened to a random page, of a little girl. “Isn’t that right, Jamie? That’s you, right?” He held the book out to the Heartless. It seemed to stare at the page within, of the photo. “I wanted to apologize for all we put you through. There was a bad, bad man. He made all the people around him sick with evil. And they took it out on you. On me, too. And my friend next to me. That doesn’t make it right, but the bad man’s gone and everyone wants to help you.”

The Heartless seemed to convulse.

“I can’t imagine it’s fun down here. There’s nobody and nothing to play with. But there’s another place with lots of friends waiting for you.”

The Shadow raised a claw.

“Ienzo,” Demyx hissed. Ienzo held out his hand.

The Shadow placed its claw on the photo of the girl. It was not twitching anymore, not in the way Heartless usually did.

“Do it now,” he whispered. “She’s ready.”

He slashed. The Heartless had no defense; it was almost made of smoke. Its heart rose and vanished into nothing. Demyx was shaking. “Oh my god,” he said. “Are you… are you okay? I should’ve given you my coat.” He gave him a good once-over. No threads of darkness, no injury.

“I’m fine. Let’s keep going.”

“How many are there?”

“Left? I’m not sure. But these aren’t ordinary Heartless. This was the genesis.”

The Heartless, having seen all this, did not flee the way they were akin to when their brethren died. They came forward in a lump. They did not attack. They left plenty of space between them and Ienzo.

“They’re making a line,” Demyx said.

“They want to be free.” He smiled. His eyes were watering. “Who wants to know who they are?”

It took hours.

Ienzo gave nearly every Heartless the same speech, but he altered it slightly, peppering in details he must have read somewhere--information about a beloved pet, a favorite color, updates about loved ones who were still alive. Humanizing them. It was only once this semblance of humanity was found that they could go. Peacefully.

Even though the Heartless were weak, the fact that there was so many of them and that this was stressful to watch tired him. He waited for one to break rank, to attack and injure. None did, though.

“Are you alright?” Ienzo asked. Demyx had been standing to his right and noticed his full face for the first time in hours. He was sweating, his complexion washed out. Demyx swallowed. No.

“Just a bit out of shape,” he said breezily. “How are you feeling?”

“I feel fine.”

More speeches. More Heartless. Demyx was wondering if it was just his eyes playing tricks on him, or if Ienzo was looking worse. Pale. Shaky. No blood yet. But soon? The darkness was getting thinner and thinner until there were no more Heartless waiting.

“Is that it?” Demyx asked hoarsely. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

“Yes, that was--” He calculated quickly, then furrowed his brows.  “Ninety-nine. There’s one left. Maybe it’s hiding? Can you handle one more?”

“I think. You?”

He nodded. When he stood, his knees shook, and Demyx helped him up. He was getting weak. They had to get out of here, to get medical help. Demyx tried to covertly steer him in the opposite direction. “Why did they forgive me?” Ienzo asked.

“What do you mean?”

“The bitterness… they just let it go. Without fail. There was not even one rogue Shadow that tried to attack.” His eyes were wide.

“They’ve been here ten years,” Demyx said. “That’s a long time to suffer. Sometimes you have to let it go to make the pain stop.”

He looked at his trembling palm. “I see. I… understand.”

Demyx glanced over his shoulder. “I think we’ve found our stowaway.”

It was the humanoid Heartless, the first one they’d seen. They approached it slowly.

“We’re here to help,” Demyx said. “Do you want to go be with your friends?”

The Heartless paused. It twitched irritably.

“Ienzo,” Demyx said nervously. “Maybe start working your magic, yeah? My buddy here seems a little agitated.” He was positive that it was stronger than the last. Strength sapped, Demyx didn’t know if he could honestly take it on.

A hint of panic crept into Ienzo’s voice. “I can’t--” He started manually shuffling the pages. “I can’t find their--”

The Neoshadow hissed. Demyx drew his Keyblade. “Come on. Let’s talk this out,” he said. “I’m offering you a get-out-of-jail free card here, friend.”

Once it lay eyes in the Keyblade, the Heartless screamed. The sound almost incapacitated him, harsh, like razors against his eardrums. It leapt at him.

Demyx found himself awash in darkness.

#beyond this existence #demyx #ienzo #even #zemyx #demyx/ienzo

[flyingmintbunnnyandfriends]

Long Voltron Post Incoming

Okay peeps. Just finished up the last season of Voltron and oh boy do I have a few things to say to the third grader that wrote it. Before I even get started on why it was terrible, let me just say, it was horrible. The plot was lost in the flashing lights and disjointed cutscenes, the focus was completely shifted to a single character making every one else fade into the background, let me not get started on the FORCED romance, and yes, I admit the fight scenes were well executed, all things considered this DOES NOT EXCUSE the poor representation and the lies that we were told. So. Let’s not get all gung-ho just yet. While terrible overall, this season was not a total loss. Bringing back the old paladins, showing just what the warriors of old can still teach the new Paladins and passing on a bit of their wisdom to the next generation was beautiful; just watching them interact was awesome, and it was a genuine plot twist to see their consciousnesses being trapped within an insane psychopath. The final battle was exactly how it should be, one on one, a mech fight to determine the fate of everyone involved. The Acolytes were utilized well, a good setup to the final big bad. Similarly, I enjoyed the use of the Alteans on both sides of the war, as unwilling/unknowing pawns and then true allies to the forces of good. Just. Kinkade. Adorable bab. AND THAT SUNSET SCENE. Honestly probably one of the most romantic moments of the show, regardless of whether or not you ship it. Now that that’s out of the way....OH MY GOD WHAT WERE THEY THINKING??? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??? OOOhhhh boy where to begin on this flaming trainwreck. Let’s start with....pushing aside literally every other character in the series to focus on Allura! There were SO MANY plot points that were skipped over or never mentioned again that could have made this so much better. Where was Galra Keith this season? Other than a fleeting moment where he got so angry his eyes seemed to go Galra for a split second there was literally nothing to prove that his transformation last season even happened! It is never brought up, and it would have made an amazing scene to see the fearless leader of Voltron pushed to his absolute limits, forced to revert to his ‘other’ self in order to pull out a win...I know, it’s not all about Keith. Okay then, how about...Shiro? Yeah, Shiro. The one who supposedly lost the love of his life to the Galra invasion of Earth. Adam. Remember him? The one he was crying over? That Adam? And then Shiro suddenly gets together with someone we know nothing about? And we’re supposed to be okay with that?! WE DON’T KNOW HIM. How did they get together?? Yeah, Curtis? He’s a funny dude. Good guy. Excuses nothing. How about Pidge? We get to see her bantering with her mother, which was great, loved it. We also see her in monumental pain following the destruction of Olkari...and no one mentions it. They don’t take the time to tell her ‘it’s okay’ or have a heart to heart...she was given no closure. Hunk, sunshine boy. He got the least bad ending of the lot. Got confirmation that his love for cooking wasn’t just a side thing, that it wasn’t meant to be brushed aside. He was bringing people together doing what he loved to do! Also Sal. Happy he got brought back, honestly. And platonic Hunelle? The best. Not to mention his rock girlfriend saving the day? Even better.  And then...Lance. Oh Lancey boy. What did they do to you, my poor baby? You deserved so much better...Lance is my favorite character, hands down. The happy go lucky, always dependable, self-sacrificing pretty boy who deserves the world and expects nothing in return...they RUINED you. What HAPPENED Dreamworks!? Who is this mopey, depressed, utterly dependent on another person...thing you replaced my baby with? Lance was never meant to be used in this way! Lance was the Soul of Voltron, the one who broke tension, who made everyone feel better, even at the expense of himself. Who gave over and over again and was still light hearted and friendly, brushing off anything negative and always seeing the bright side of things? Who sought out validation in the form of competition, always offering his help...the one who remained vigilant and protective, even against Lotor’s silver words and ‘Shiro’s’ endless aggression against him...THAT is Lance. Not this...sniveling shell of a person. He’s Voltron’s right hand! The one who supports the leader and gives his thoughts and opinions! Who is respected and listened to! Where did that go?! Keith trusted him enough to lead the team in his absence...and in this season? Nothing! He was talked over and ignored just like when Keith left to the Blade. Talk about a step in the wrong direction. Speaking of Keith and Lance...KLANCE IS CANON KING. There’s dozens of metas out there spilling essentially the same thing, but now it’s my turn. Let’s start with what we knew before Season 8. Lance would be someone’s first choice. Allura would have no endgame. Lance would not be a rebound. Whoops, screwed that one up, didn’t you? Also. Lance’s endgame was supposed to be SLOWBURN. SLOW. BURN. Does anyone know what that means? Hey writers, do you know what that means? Because if Season 8 is any indication, I think you need a dictionary!! After six seasons of completely ignoring and at one point insulting (see the ears comment) Lance, and then the whole Lotor deal, we’re expected to believe that ALLURA is the slowburn? When they literally went from date to Lance being her living shadow? WHAT? Speaking of Lotor...we are led to believe that Allura and Lotor are Soulmates, they complete one another. They know each other’s pain, and can depend on one another. Yeah, he goes off his rocker just like dear old dad...but who didn’t see that coming? And immediately after this the mice snitch about Lance’s crush. So what? She decides ‘why the hell not?’ and falls into his arms?! THAT’S THE DEFINITION OF A REBOUND, DREAMWORKS. But you know who doesn’t do that? Keith. You know who sees Lance at his lowest, and accepts him? Keith. Guess who listens when Pidge and Hunk refuse to? Keith. Keith has always listened to Lance, even in the beginning when he rose to the challenges Lance offered. Keith trusts Lance explicitly, completely, and without a second thought. When leading Voltron, Keith automatically follows Lance’s ideas, never speaking out against him, going along with even the most inane ideas like who gets to ride in what Lion, without a fuss. Keith, the hot head, offering no argument. Hmm. Interesting. Lance is the one to comfort Keith during the disappearance of Shiro, and Keith is the one to come to Lance when Allura is unconscious and hurt because of their actions. These boys have seen each other at their absolute lowest, and instead of taking advantage of this, they support and comfort each other however they can. And do I need to bring up all the romantic moments they had? Do I need to did out all those Bonding Moment memes? This pair have had more intimate moments than every other ship in the entire show. Rainbows, the colors of the bi flag in the background, all the romantic subtext...the way Keith’s eyes go all soft and unguarded when looking at Lance, how he lowers his guard and teases Lance, being as gentle as he knows how? How he is the ONLY ONE IN THE SHOW to not only accept but encourage Lance to be himself, that people should love him as he is, instead of Lance forcing himself to change? Or how about how Lance LITERALLY CALLS KEITH THE FUTURE WITH THIS DOPEY, LOVESTRUCK LOOK. The SAME ONE he gives Allura. The same one he uses when talking about Keith to the Yupper, when no one will hear? THAT look. The one that says ‘Yeah, I could be just a little bit in love’. To my knowledge, they tried to destroy Klance because some of the fandom doesn’t know how to chill, and honestly, we kinda deserved that. Some people are just terrible people that think threatening people is funny. But the rest of us? The ones who kept to ourselves and let people ship what they wanted? We have to bear the hatred of the rest of the fandom, who think we’re the same scum that don’t know how to behave. I’m not. Ship what you want, it’s no business of mine. But Klance is the only endgame that actually makes sense! (Besides Hunay, but that’s a precious ship that should never be questioned). Klance is the classic rivals-to-lovers trope, the one that draws people in and makes them want more, to see that happy ending the two deserve. Together. And instead, we got forced hetero romance. And yes, I do mean FORCED. Allura never ONCE said ‘I love you’. NOT ONCE. That doesn’t seem right, does it? The relationship between Lance and Allura was unhealthy at best. It’s not a fairytale romance about a princess and a pauper. Not even close. Lance is reduced to being ‘that guy’. The one who exists only to cater to his girlfriend’s every whim and question nothing. That’s it. That’s what they made him out to be. And it’s sickening. She pushes him away several times, even after they’re together, and he just takes it. That’s not how love works, people. Even without the Klance goggles on, that’s just not love. Love is being partners, equals, finding perfection in your partner’s flaws and growing together. And who do we see that from? Klance. From bickering rivalry, to trusting each other with their lives, from ‘you’re not my leader’ to ‘I’d follow you anywhere’. THAT is love. THAT is special. THAT is a slowburn. And THAT is what we should have gotten. But we didn’t. Because we were baited. That’s all there is to it. Despite all this, there IS still hope. Just because Allura was his ‘first love’ doesn’t mean that she’ll be the only one. Because someone is still waiting. Someone who is ready to support Lance, put his feelings before their own. Someone who has always put Lance first, to the point he left so that Lance never had to question his own worth. And that is Keith. THEY BELONG TOGETHER OKAY? Besides...now that Lance is part Altean and Keith is part Galra they’re gonna have a LONG TIME to figure it out. Because Galra and Alteans live long lives. Who else are they gonna spend it with other than each other? In all, I was disappointed in the final season. It should have been great, the big finale to cement it’s place in history...instead, I’ll never watch it again. I was let down and lied to, plain and simple. I still ship Klance, probably always will, but my time in this fandom is done. After the humiliation suffered because of bad writing and toxic fandom wars, it just wasn’t worth it. We were queerbaited into believing Klance actually stood a chance, that it would be everything we wanted...and instead we were left to burn. Way to go, Dreamworks. You ruined a good series. That last season was pitiful. So many plotholes never addressed, characters left to rot, questions never answered, and all the lies. For all of you that liked the final season, I applaud you. You are a much better person that I, it seems. Keep KICKing Klancers.

#voltron #keith kogane #lance mcclain #takashi shirogane #allura #blade of marmora #krolia #bad writing #rant