Tumgik
#hopefully she won’t make it a big deal
macbcth · 4 months
Text
my grandma won’t stop commenting on my SH scars and i kind of froze bc i didn’t realise my mum hadn’t prepared her or anything?? or talked abt my depression at all?? so my mom said they were cat scratches— just a blatant god awful lie In Front of me— and now my grandma won’t stop asking questions abt it like oh what cat! and when will they go away? and i think im going to have to sit my very Indian grandma down and explain depression and self harm to her in my broken hindi and i’m dreading it so bad
34 notes · View notes
gentlyweeps-world · 4 months
Text
Best Gift
Tumblr media
summary: Logan gifts you arguably the best gift you’ve ever received.
pairing: logan sargeant x fem! reader
warnings: weirdos, alcohol, fluff [lowkey slow burn and takes a moment to build up to the main plot]
LIGHTS OUT AND AWAY WE GO
You couldn’t come up with another reason to kill Oscar, you had already thought of them all.
Just a few days ago you had accidentally let it out that you had a crush on Logan, now it wouldn’t have been a big deal if you guys weren’t all childhood friends.
Meeting in karting but, you split away from karting, not having the money for it. You still supported Oscar and Logan through it all of course.
So now you’re squished between Oscar and Logan watching a random movie Oscar picked. It was your annual movie night at Logan’s flat, it became a tradition years ago when you three were teenagers.
You let out a sigh, rolling your eyes as you notice that Oscar had fallen asleep. “I’m pretty sure Oscar is asleep..” You mumble out to Logan.
Logan looks over at Oscar, snickering and smirking at the sigh of Oscar passed out. “Oh yeah he definitely is..” He chuckles out,
You smile at Logan’s smirk and laugh, finding the crinkles near his eyes adorable- and his smile, his smile, if anything made you have heart eyes- that was definitely it.
And obviously his dimples, those were adorable.
You shake your head a bit, focusing back onto the movie. The movie continues to play, as you start the feel Logan inching his elbows a little bit closer to you, accidentally, or maybe purposely, brushing up against you.
You didn’t pay much attention to that, he probably just needed to shift around on the couch, there wasn’t much space anyway. You’re only snapped back to reality when Oscar lets out a groan and shifts, then finally slowly wakes up.
You see him blink a few times, “What happened- what time is it?” He asks out, rubbing a hand over his face as he stretches.
“11:30, you fell asleep for half the movie man, what the hell?” Logan teases out to Oscar, leaning back in his seat as he sits comfortable. Oscar just lets out a laugh, stretching his back and neck out.
“Shut up mate, I was exhausted.” He chuckles, rubbing his eyes a little bit. “I had to stay up a bit later last night- Lily was studying and I wanted to wait up for her..”
“Aw well that’s sweet..” You say with a smile, leaning back into the couch. Oscar smiles softly and nods, “She had a test today, and I wanted to make her breakfast for the morning..”
You let out a soft sigh, “You guys are so cute together…like you two are polar opposites- yet compliment each other completely..” You ramble out, crossing your arms over your chest.
Oscar chuckles softly, “That is true, we are kind of complete opposites but, I really do love her.” He smiles softly as he spoke of Lily.
You smile at his words, “You both are lucky to have each other- I can’t even go on a date without the guy thinking it’ll end up in a meaningless hookup..” You grumble out, sinking back into the couch.
“Just gotta find the right guy, one willing to take everything slow, like.. you know, get to know each other.” Oscar chuckles out, glancing at Logan for a moment. “I’m sure the right guy will show up soon..” He adds on, bumping his shoulder into yours.
“Yeah..hopefully..” You say with a grimace, mind wondering back to Logan, who was next to you, having no clue on the feelings you’ve hidden from him.
———
“Okay- no mate that won’t work..” Logan groans out, shoulders slumping as he buries his head into his hands.
“You don’t know that! Maybe she’ll love it..” Oscar murmurs out, letting out a defeated sigh.
Oscar glances at Logan once more, trying to figure out a way to get him to admit his feelings to you. But there was no hope- he was too scared to say anything since he “knew you didn’t like him in that way”.
Oscar had to physically hold himself back from rolling his eyes at that statement. “Listen- if you don’t say anything to her it’ll be too late and she’ll be dating some douche again..” Oscar sighs out, fully aware that you definitely wouldn’t move on from Logan, you’ve been hung up on him for years.
“She wouldn’t like me.” Logan mumbles out, groaning out as he buries his head deeper into his hands, he hated feeling this way. He had been wanting to confess to Y/n for years, but he feared rejection.
Rejection from you, his childhood friend. He wanted to stay in your life and he didn’t wanna risk ruining that by confessing and being turned down. “And I’m the joke of F1, what girl would be attracted to that?”
“Mate- you’re joking right?” Oscar says, raising his eyebrows at what Logan said. “There’s like- a list of girls who’d die to go out with you”
Logan lets out another groan as Oscar’s words hit his ears, “Well none of them are Y/n!” Logan says, frustration written on his face.
Oscar groans and face palms, then sighs, “Look mate- I’m sure she’ll like you back.. the way she’s always looking at you and just the way she acts around you- it’s almost like she’s been waiting for you to say something.”
Oscar smiles, leaning back back into his seat as he looks over at Logan, looking at him with the eyes of encouragement, “Mate, just say it- worst thing is she says no, and if she does, well she does and we can go back to the way things were.”
“Dude nothing will go back to normal after that- and you know that” Logan says, lifting his head from his hands.
Oscar rolls his eyes and shakes his head, “Well then, so what? Do you want to just be miserable and never admit your feelings- you want to just stay how you are? You have nothing to lose mate.” Oscar replies, his tone being a little bit harsh.
He wanted to just give Logan a little bit of a kick into reality and let him know to just say it already, he was tired of waiting.
Logan sighs out and nods, “I know, I just- what if she hates me after that? What if I make her uncomfortable and she never wants to be around me again?” Logan says out, his tone sounding worried, scared.
“Listen to me- show up to her surprise birthday party tonight, give her the gift you got- then pull her aside at a quiet moment then confess to her, it’ll be okay” Oscar says, knowing that was Logan’s best shot.
Logan sighs out and nods, “Alright I’ll do it.” He replies, his voice sounded a bit shaky and fearful, but he was gonna do it.
———
“Listen I’ll call you later about picking a different day-“ You grumble out, irritation filling your body as you fish out your keys from your purse to your apartment.
“I just don’t get it- I know it’s your birthday but if I took you out I could give you a really good present” Josh, the guy you were supposed to go out with, but canceled last minute, says.
“I honestly doubt that and…” You say, opening the door to your apartment but stopping mid sentence as you see your friends, and your apartment completely decorated for your 22nd birthday.
“Surprise! Happy birthday Y/n!” They all shout, smiles and grins on their faces. The one that stood out the most was Logan’s, his smile wide and bright, with a party hat adorned on his head.
“Y/n? Hello?” Josh asks over the phone, you’re snapped out of your daze, “Right uhm- I’ll call you later Josh” You quickly say, hanging up on him.
You stuff your phone into your purse and smile at your friends, “Guys! Thank you all so much, oh my gosh!” You say, hugging your friends who crowded you with open arms and smiles.
Logan smiles as he sees your reaction, the grin on his face had turned into a giant smile. He chuckles as you hug your friends, you notice he doesn’t quite step out from the crowd but stays in the back. He lets you have this moment of happiness and excitement first before stepping forward, still staying pretty far back.
He finally moves forward once your friends had dispersed, moving off into their own conversations, and getting the party started.
He gives you a wide smile, wrapping an arm around your waist as he pulls you closer into him for a hug, “Happy birthday Y/n..” He whispers into your ear, his voice low yet clear.
You could feel yourself blush at the intimacy of this, the tone of his voice almost made your knees buckle. “Thanks- Thank you Logan, this is really special..” You say with a small cough, just slightly moving away from him.
You smile at him then glance around, noticing Oscar and Lily talking to some people, although it was mostly Lily talking.
Logan smiles as you thank him, looking over at where Oscar and Lily were talking, Oscar’s eyes had been darting between the two of you two, the look of encouragement in his eyes as he watched you and Logan.
“Oh Y/n, who were you on the phone with? Was it M/n?” Logan asks, he always asked how your Mom was doing whenever you called her.
“Oh uh- I was on the phone with some guy I was supposed to go out with..” You say with a sigh, “He was weird so I canceled on him” You add on.
Logan chuckles at the comment about the dude being weird, but then his voice softens up, “You had a date planned for today? On your birthday?” He asks out, sounding annoyed that some other dude was trying to steal the attention today.
“Well I didn’t think anyone would plan anything, I guess I was wrong..” You say with a chuckle, realizing then that it was a stupid idea to have planned a date on your birthday with a random guy.
“Well now no one is going to try and steal your special day away.” Logan says, still not liking the idea of you going out with some other guy. He squeezes you a little bit tighter, his eyes studying everything about you. You looked so beautiful- from your skin to your hair to your eyes. It was too much for him to handle.
His arm comes off of you as he looks around to see Oscar keeping a close eye on you and Logan. “Can we talk real quick? In private?” He asks before one of your friends sneaks up behind you and pulls you away.
“Shit- I’m sorry Logan! We’ll talk later!” You say with a smile, being dragged away by your friend to do some karaoke.
A few hours have passed, most of everyone had left. There’s balloons, decorations and gift bags strewn around your apartment.
Paper plates and red solo cups litter your kitchen and living room as the distant sound of Pit Bull fills your apartment.
You smile at the sight, glad your friends had done this and glad that you canceled that date with Josh.
“How are you feeling birthday girl?” You hear Logan ask from beside you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you into him.
Your breath catches in your throat as he pulls you in, the warmth of his body pressing up against you sent a shiver down your spine. “Well- I’m feeling pretty good I think.” You nod, glancing over at him. He looked cute, his cheeks were flushed from alcohol, and there was some confetti still in his hair.
“Oh, I brought you a gift, it’s in your room..” Logan says softly, admiring you for a moment.
“I appreciate it but-“ You start to say before being cut off by him as he laces your fingers together to lead you towards your bedroom.
“First yes I needed to get you a gift, and second Lily and Oscar already started cleaning, so you can’t refuse..” He says with a grin.
You laugh and roll your eyes, “Well I suppose that’s true.” You reply as he leads you over into your room.
“This better not be just alcohol.” You joke with a smile, looking into his eyes. They were so pretty, that blueish- green hue, the way the lights caught them made them look gorgeous.
“That was last year, this is much better I promise..” He says, moving away from you to grab a gift bag from your closet, the bag was your favorite color with a print you loved.
Your face lights up at the sight of it, eyes twinkling. Logan looked at you with a smile, handing the gift to you. “Open it up, birthday girl” He says softly.
You grab the bag from his hands and sit on your head, pulling away the tissue paper you pull out a handmade picture book. You flip through the pages, seeing pictures of you and Logan, or you, Logan and Oscar through the years of knowing each other.
You look up at Logan with a grin, “You made this? This is absolutely beautiful Logan..” You say with a smile.
“Well my mom helped a bit- so did Lily but yeah, I made it..” He says sheepishly, smiling at you.
“You had your mother AND Lily help you?” You question in amusement, looking through the pictures as a big dumb smile covered your face. The pictures ranged from small memories to bigger and more personal ones, ones where you knew you weren’t supposed to have pictures of. Memories that were just for you and Logan.
You flip through the last page, as your heart skips, you look at him with wide eyes. “Logan you didn’t- you didn’t need to go through all of this trouble..”
“Trust me Y/n..I did..” He says with a chuckle, moving to sit next to you. “I’ve been meaning to tell you something Y/n..” He adds on softly, giving you a shy smile.
“Trust me Y/n..I did..” He says with a chuckle, moving to sit next to you. “I’ve been meaning to tell you something Y/n..” He adds on softly, giving you a shy smile.
Your heart skips a beat and your heart rate picks up, you look in his eyes and smile back, this moment felt so perfect. “What is it?” Your voice comes out hushed and soft, you couldn’t even begin to guess what he was going to say, although you hoped he was going to say what you’ve wished for years.
“I like you Y/n- I’ve liked you since we met in karting, I’m sure I more than like you now but..” He says with a chuckle, dimples showing as he smiles at you.
Your mouth opens so you can speak in response to what he just said, but all that comes out is air. He just confessed to liking you, the guy you liked, loved even, had just confessed to you first. You finally find your words and reply, “Really? I like you too..” You blush out and look down, your mind racing a million miles a minute.
Logan lets out a relieved laugh, smiling he looks right into your eyes- those pretty eyes of yours that he’s been in love with for years now. He slides his hand to the back of your neck, tangling his fingers in your hair as he admires your eyes. “Can I kiss you..?” He softly whispers out.
You nod your head, your body completely still as you stare back at him. Your mind has a single thought, kiss him, kiss him now and your body follows suit. You lean in, pulling him towards you with your hand in his hair, letting his body press up against yours as your lips meet. It’s a sweet and perfect kiss, and one that’s been long awaited by both people.
Everything felt right now- just you and Logan. It was arguably the best gift you had gotten.
youruser posted to Instagram
youruser
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Liked by logansargeant and others
youruser feelin 22 🥳
logansargeant ♥️
youruser 🤍
oscarpiastri You’re welcome
youruser I am not thanking you
yourbestie STILL A HOTTIE 😍
youruser 🤭🤭🤭
lilymhe HAPPY BIRTHDAY GF 🫶
youruser TYYY LILY 🫶🫶
alex_albon happy birthday Logan’s “just friend”
youruser thank you “just Lily’s boy best friend”
logansargeant Now girlfriend*
daltonsargeant Happy birthday Y/n!
youruser Thank you Dal!
Comments on this post have been limited
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
radio 🪩: This was actually so much fun to write! Send in any requests or comments 💙
527 notes · View notes
sunflowergirl522 · 9 months
Text
Max's Sister
Pairing: Eddie Munson x Mayfield!Reader
Summary: You’re officially moved to Hawkins after finishing school and Max bets Eddie that he’ll fall for you by the time summers up.
Word Count: 8706
A/n: The ending feels rushed to me but hopefully won’t for you.
Eddie Masterlist
Tumblr media
“Hey Red, you ready to head to the arcade!” Eddie walks right into the Mayfield trailer without knocking like he’d normally do when he was coming over to get Max and her mom wasn’t home. 
Ever since Max was able to go home from the hospital with broken bones and partial blindness Eddie’s been there to keep her company every second he could. And once she was good enough to walk again he was there to help her get adjusted to her surroundings so she wasn’t always bumping into stuff she couldn’t see. Eddie took up the big brother role she never had and the two of them became thick as thieves. And as soon as her arms and hands were good enough Eddie decided that Wednesdays would be arcade days where even partially blind she beat his ass at games.
“You must be Eddie.” He freezes when he enters the living room and sees you sitting on the floor in front of the couch. His mind blanks as he watches you stand revealing your bare legs that were previously hidden beneath the coffee table.
“Um, yeah that’s me. Sorry but who’re you?” You look familiar and he has a feeling that he’s definitely seen you before and that would explain why you were sitting in Max’s living room in your pajamas but he couldn’t figure it out for the life of him.
“I’m Max’s sister, Y/n.” You step closer to him and can almost physically see the light bulb go on in his head. “I’ve heard a lot about you Eddie.” You beg yourself to keep it together and choke back the grateful tears that want to well up in your eyes. 
“Hope it was all good things.” One of his hands rubs the back of his neck and he lets out a nervous chuckle while his other reaches out for you to shake. You can feel the urge to cry crawling and clawing its way up your throat so you’re quick to grab his hand and pull him into a hug leaving your tearful face hidden in his chest.
“Thank you.” At hearing how shaky your voice is Eddie doesn’t even think about it before he’s wrapping his arms tight around you. “Thank you for taking such good care of her when I couldn’t.”
There’s no way Eddie could know how incredibly grateful you are that he’s been there for Max after the accident. You’re still not even completely sure how it happened, all you know is that the minute your mom called to let you know she was in the hospital you were ready to leave everything in Cali, your friends, school, your job, behind to be by her side. If it wasn’t for your mom reminding you that Max would want you to finish getting your degree and promising to constantly call you with updates you would’ve. You spent every minute then working on finishing your degree going as far as to overload your course load and taking summer courses, sure it meant you haven’t been able to come home to Max and see her but it meant you’d be able to move to Hawkins to be with her permanently sooner. 
“It really isn’t that big of a deal, she’s cool and fun to be around, but you’re welcome.”
“Eddie, did I hear you come in?” Max comes into the room and the two of you break apart. You’re quick to wipe your face dry before Max can get close enough to see the damage but he does see it. And immediately he can tell how much your sister means to you.
“Yeah Red, you still wanna go to the arcade? I didn’t realize your sister was in town.”
“She’s been hovering over me like I’m made of glass.” She groans in a playful way as she makes her way over to the two of you slower than she would’ve before she lost most of her sight. “She’s here for good now so it doesn’t matter if we go to the arcade.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” You ask her after putting your arm around her shoulder and bringing her close to your side. Eddie wants to tell you yes seeing the want to come in your eyes but keeps his mouth shut leaving it up to Max.
“No, you can come next time or something but you have to start looking for a job so you can get out of my hair.” You roll your eyes at her.
“You’re right, where are your glasses?” Max groans again for real this time and moves away from you and closer to Eddie.
“Don’t make me wear those, they make me look like a nerd. They don’t even help!”
“That’s a lie and you know it! You bump into things way less when you have them on.” You point an accusatory finger at her before putting your hands on your hips and pursing your lips. Eddie can’t help but think you look like a mom at this moment. Which makes him wonder if you had helped raise her growing up knowing how absent her mom is now.
“Fine. I hate when you go all older sibling mode on me. They’re in my room, can you get them for me?” Your face softens and you nod before walking away. “C’mon Eddie lets go before she comes back.”
“Nuh uh, no way. I didn’t even know you had glasses to help you see.” If he did he would’ve been making sure she was wearing them himself all this time.
“They’re Coke bottles Eddie!”
“Don’t care Red. Maybe they’ll prevent that headache you get from straining your eyes too much.” Every week after they’d get back from the arcade she’d have a migraine and Eddie’s been getting suspicious that the headaches start while they’re there but she’s so stubborn that she doesn’t tell him because he’ll decide it's time to leave.
“Found them!” You enter the room again and put them on Max’s face for her. 
“They aren’t that bad.” They’re thick for sure, like magnifying glasses, but Eddie’s definitely seen thicker on some of his old classmates. “They only make you look a little bit like a nerd.”
“Shut up, she doesn’t look like a nerd. You look so cool Maxy!” You shove Eddie with your shoulder as if you’ve known each other forever.
“C’mon Eddie let’s go. Bye Y/n!”
“Bye Max, love you!” 
“So,” Eddie starts later at the diner he always takes Max to after the arcade, “your sister seems cool.”
“Yeah she’s pretty great.” She shrugs and takes another bite of her burger. “Fifty bucks says you’re gonna fall in love with her by the time summer's up.” He chokes on his coke mid sip.
“What?!”
“Just saying, she’s amazing and you’re not even gonna know what to do with yourself when you actually get to know her. And you’ll be spending a lot of time with her this summer since you’re always around now.”
“What about that makes you think I’m gonna fall in love with her?”
“Well for one, pretty girls make you weak and she’s incredibly pretty, it comes with the California air.” Eddie wants to argue that you’re way more than just pretty but bites his tongue not wanting Max to think she was right. “Two she’s got one hell of a music taste. Same goes for her taste in movies even though if she makes me rewatch one more Muppet movie I’ll scream.”
“I doubt you’ve had to watch that many.” Eddie laughs at how distraught Max looks at the thought of watching another one.
“Eddie you don’t understand, she hasn’t even been here for a week and she’s rewatched them all twice. She’s got this thing where like anything Jim Henson works on instantly becomes one of her favorites.”
“He’s the guy who worked on that movie Labyrinth that came out a while ago right?”
“Yeah, though I don’t think she’s seen that one yet. She hasn’t really done much of anything other than school and work since I was in the hospital so I don’t even think she remembers it came out.”
“Sounds like we should have a movie night.” 
“See you’re already planning to do stuff that’ll make her happy! Just wait, I’m telling you Eds when you get to know her you’ll be absolutely smitten.” Eddie just shakes his head at the girl in front of him ignoring the tugging feeling in his gut that she might be right.
“Oh! Hello again Eddie!” You beam at him after you open the door to the trailer and he takes in your apparel of distressed shorts and striped shirt. “Max isn’t here, mom took her for her check up at the doctors.”
“I know, we talked about doing a movie night and I thought maybe you’d wanna get out of the house and come with me to pick up the movie.” Eddie kicks at a rock by his feet suddenly getting nervous about coming over here to ask. The feeling doesn’t last for long though because you almost immediately light up at the offer nodding enthusiastically.
“I’d like that. Give me one second.” You hold up a finger before disappearing into the trailer leaving the door wide open. It’s not long before you’re rushing back sandals in hand and locking the door behind you. “Lead the way Eddie boy!”
“How have you been enjoying Hawkins so far?” Eddie asks as he walks towards his van, you following close behind.
“It’s alright. I haven’t actually been to many places yet. Just the hospital and the middle school. I’ve been meaning to check out the arcade though.” You hop into the passenger seat after he holds the door open for you.
“Well maybe you can come with us on Wednesday. Maybe I’ll finally beat a Mayfield for once.” He responds after getting in the driver's seat and starting the van up. You laugh and look away from the sandals you’re strapping to your feet at him. His heart skips a beat at the sound immediately wanting to hear it again.
“You can dream but I was the one who taught Max everything she knows. If you can’t beat her, you definitely won’t beat me.”
“That sounds like a challenge.” He glances at you from the corner of his eye in time to see you shrug.
“Take it whatever way you want, big guy.”
“Big guy?” Eddie chuckles at the nickname. He was never really a big guy growing up or even now so it’s odd hearing someone reference him as that.
“Yeah, you’re tall, a little broad, and I’m sure you’re strong. Do you want me to call you something else?”
“No big guy is fine.” You smile down at your feet as you finish strapping the other sandal to your left foot. “Did you move here with Max and then go back to California?”
“No. I was in my senior year when they moved and since I didn’t want to have to move in my last year and I was almost eighteen mom let me stay behind with dad. And then I went to college over there with my friends instead of coming here because I knew the area already.” Eddie parks in front of the store and the two of you get out. “I’ve come here to visit a few times but after the accident Max was in I never had the time to come because I did extra courses each term and did summer classes so I could finish sooner and come home to be with her.” You continue explaining on the short walk into the building.
“Welcome to Family Video can I help- is that you Mayfield?” You look up to find Steve behind the counter and smile at him.
“Sure is Harrington! You miss me?”
“Are you kidding? Of course!” 
“I’ll grab the movie and meet you back here.” You nod to Eddie and he takes one more glance at the excited look on Steve’s face as he makes his way around the counter and towards you before walking away. 
“What are you doing here?” You take a few steps further into the store to meet Steve halfway and bring him into a hug.
“I’m here for good now. I finally finished my degree.”
“That’s awesome! Do you have a job lined up yet?”
“I left my application at the high school and middle school so I’m just waiting to see if they’ll call. But I don’t know what I’ll do if they don’t.”
“I’m sure they will, we had a lot of teachers leave Hawkins after the earthquake. Dustin was telling me that they had gym teachers trying to teach science.” 
“Look who I found roaming the shelves!” 
“Y/n, you remember Robin right?”
“Of course, hi!” You wave to her before turning your attention to Eddie. “So what did you pick?”
“The Labyrinth.” You let out an elated gasp before taking the movie from his hands to make sure you weren’t getting punked.
“No way. I’ve been meaning to watch this since it came out but I’ve been so busy.”
“Yeah, Max may have mentioned how much you love Jim Henson and that she wasn’t sure you’ve seen this yet.” Eddie rubs the back of his neck with a sheepish smile on his face and you look up beaming at him. The next thing he knows you’re wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into an excited hug where he can basically feel you vibrating with it. The hug doesn’t last long, he doesn’t even have time to wrap his own arms around you before you’re pulling away and putting it on the counter for Steve to ring up.
“On the house, think of it as a welcome back present.” He just pushes it back to you before grabbing the other box of movies that needs to be put on shelves and giving it to Robin. 
“Oh, thanks Steve! We should hang out sometime soon. I don’t really leave the trailer so you could just stop by whenever or give me a call and we could do something.”
“That sounds good, I’ll come by on my next day off. Which will probably be Monday.” He leans on the counter as he answers and you grab the movie from in front of him.
“See you then! Come on Eddie, Max should be on her way home soon.” You grab his hand on your way out and give a backwards wave with the movie to Steve as you pull him with you out the door. “We should get a pizza. I doubt anything here will be as good as Surfer Boy out in Cali but you can’t do a movie night without it.”
“That’s a great idea Sweetheart.” Eddie can’t tear his eyes away from your joined hands until you split off to go to the passengers side of the van and you have a hard time suppressing the butterflies in your stomach at the sudden nickname.
“I’m home! Mom’s not, she dropped me off and went straight to work.” Max announces herself getting yours and Eddie's attention in the kitchen. As soon as it registers in your head that she’s back you abandon your spot at the counter making lemonade to greet her.
“What’d the doctors say this visit?”
“Just that my bones have healed nicely and checked my reflexes like always.” She shrugs as she kicks off her shoes.
“What about your eyesight?”
“It’s not better but it’s not worse either. The same it’s been since I got out of the hospital. Do I smell pizza?” It’s her desperate attempt to change the subject. Max hates answering these types of questions because it doesn’t matter what they say or how often she wears those stupid glasses her sight will never get better than it is now. And she should just enjoy what little she has of it left because when she first broke out of Vecna's trance she thought she was completely blind. 
“Yeah, we picked one up after getting the movie. Eddie’s here by the way.” You let the subject change, wanting to know everything and nothing all at the same time.
“Oh is he now?” There’s a lilt to her voice that you’re not used to hearing but don’t focus on it as she beelines for where she hears him moving around in the kitchen probably finishing the lemonade you left unfinished. You let her go off to the kitchen by herself and take her distraction with Eddie as an opportunity to move the couch a little bit closer to the tv so she’ll be able to see a little better. 
“Don’t say anything.” Eddie says after taking one look at the redhead who just joined him in the kitchen.
“I wasn’t gonna say anything.”
“Mhm sure, then why do you look like you have something to say?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugs and there’s a pause while he finishes mixing the batch of lemonade that has too much sugar in it. “It’s just that you going to get the movie and pizza with her gives you lots of free time to get to know my sister. I wonder why you would do that.” She taps her chin in mock thought and Eddie groans before a thought pops into his head.
“How does she know Steve?” He meant to ask you earlier after leaving Family Video but got distracted when you started talking about what toppings should go on the pizza. His question, or rather how he asked it, causes Max to let out a laugh.
“That’s for you to find out I suppose.” She joins you back in the living room then where you’re too focused on putting the movie in and setting up the pizza boxes on the small table in front of the couch to pay attention to what they’re talking about. Eddie’s left there once more with the lemonade not waiting long to join the two of you with the plastic pitcher in hand.
The rest of the weekend Eddie spends over your place hanging out with Max and getting to know you better. Most of the time he found a way to rope you into whatever they ended up doing so he’d have an excuse to talk to you while ignoring the jumping eyebrows and smirks Max kept shooting his way. The more time he spends around you the more he feels that Max may have been right and he might be out fifty dollars at the end of summer. But as much as he wants to prove her wrong for once, because somehow Max is always right, you’re too cool for him to want to pull away from. 
So he decided to let Max be right about this and hope that maybe when you get to know him you’ll like him just as much. That thought is what led him to your door Monday morning when he knew Max was out with the rest of the kids. He knocks instead of walking straight in, like he normally would, not wanting to make you uncomfortable in your own space. 
“Coming! You got here really fast, didn’t we like just hang up?” You open the door while trying to shove your sneaker on with one hand and when you look up to find Eddie standing there shock takes over your face. “Oh hey Eddie, Max won’t be home till later.”
“No, I know. I uh, I was coming over for you. To um, see if you wanted to maybe hangout.” He stumbles over his words and he wants to bang his head against a wall. You smile at that, your insides warming up at Eddie wanting to spend time with just you.
“That sounds great Eddie but, I actually have plans with Steve.” Eddie’s heart falls into his stomach like a rock.
“I’ll head back home then. Have a good time!” He waves as he turns around and starts walking back across the street to his trailer.
“Eddie, wait!” Your hand on his wrist causes him to turn to face you and he notices immediately that you left the door wide open. He wonders if you even noticed you do that. Because it’s something he noticed almost immediately after being around you as much as he has been this weekend. You’re always leaving the door open or shutting it with your keys still inside it. If he was the last one in, he would double check to make sure they weren’t still in the door.
“Do you wanna come with us?” Your voice brings his attention back to your face.
“I don’t wanna intrude.” Especially if it was supposed to be a date.
“You wouldn’t be. We’re just going to see the new Friday the Thirteenth movie. And honestly it’d be nice to not have to third wheel Steve and Robin.” You knew they weren’t together, but they were truly platonic soulmates and being with just the two of them was awkward sometimes once they started doing their weird conversing without really talking thing. 
“Robin’s going too?” So definitely not a date then.
“Well yeah, aren’t they always like a package deal?” Maybe you were wrong but the few times you’ve been here and around them they were always together.
“You’re right, as I’m starting to learn you always are.” A trait he can only guess Max got from you and has him wondering yet again how involved you were in raising her.
“So do you wanna come?”
“Yeah, sounds like a good time.” Your smile lights up your face at his agreement and he knows he would agree to anything if it meant he got to see it happen again. “Do you need anything else from inside?”
“No. Why?” You squint your eyes and tilt your head wondering why he could be asking.
“You left the door open.” You follow his head nod toward the front of your trailer and let out a soft ‘oh’ before heading back over to shut and lock it. Steve pulls up just as you pull the key out of the lock.
“Hey Ed boy! You coming with us?” Robin sticks her head, but really more like the upper half of her body, out the window to talk to Eddie. He turns and starts a conversation with her and Steve when he leans forward to see around his best friend. Meanwhile you freeze a little on your way to the car. You knew Robin was coming, but somehow didn’t realize that meant you’d be sitting in the back seat.
“You sure you don’t want me to drive Steve? That way you don’t have to worry about bringing me home later or anything.” 
“No, it’s fine I’m used to driving everyone around.” Steve says this with a smile on his face and absolutely zero malice in his voice. If there’s one thing you know about Steve Harrington from the few times you’ve gotten to know him over the years it was that he likes taking care of the people he loves. Eddie however unlike his friend noticed the hesitance in your voice and your walk up to the car.
“I can drive you if you want Sweetheart. I was going to drive myself anyway.” He wasn’t. “I gotta stop at the store for some more milk after the movie.” He didn’t, he and Wayne still had an almost full gallon in the fridge.
“That’s perfect actually because Max asked me to grab more Pop Tarts or cereal at some point today. Do you care if I go with Eddie, Steve?”
“Nah, we’ll meet you guys there then?”
“Yep!” He gives a wave before driving off leaving you with Eddie again.
“Come on darlin’ let's roll.” Eddie takes his keys out of his pocket and swings them around his finger before leading the way across the street to his van. He doesn’t let it show how relieved he is that they didn’t fly off and hit him in the face again and that he got to look cool in front of you.
“Thanks for driving me, big guy.” He holds the door open for you and you pat his cheek as you climb in in thanks, something you would do with your friends in California if they weren’t comfortable with cheek kisses.
“It’s no problem really.” He closes the door once you’re fully seated and makes his way over to his side. “So how come you didn’t want Steve to drive you?” He asks as he backs out of his spot. You’re momentarily stunned at how good he looks while doing it. Your eyes trail from the hand that’s resting on your seat up his arm until your eyes meet his concentrated face.
“It’s not so much that I didn't want him to drive. I just get carsick when I’m in the back sometimes and it makes me nervous with people I’m not used to being in cars with. There’s just so many different variables that go into it like how big the car is, how they drive, how long I’m in the car for, etcetera.” You’re silent for a minute before panicky turning to face Eddie. “Oh God do you think Steve caught on that I didn’t wanna get in the car with him? He probably got the wrong idea completely.”
“Hey, calm down sugar.” His hand goes to your knee without thinking and the warmth of it on your bare skin helps to calm you. Unconsciously your own hand lays on top of his to keep it there. “Steve’s smart but he’s not the best at reading people all the time. If you want I can find a way to bring up car sickness in some way so you can say you have it?”
“No, it’s fine I’ll just see if he brings it up and then explain it. Thank you though, it’s so sweet of you to offer to do that for me.”
“Of course! And if you want I can just be your permanent chauffeur and make sure you always get shotgun when you aren’t driving.” He’s definitely offering so he gets to spend even more time with you.
“That would be great!” You’re definitely agreeing to spend more time with him too. “Thanks again Eddie.” This time you do kiss him on the cheek in thanks but turn your head towards the window before you can see him start to glow pink. In your lap your hands twine together like your bodies already know that the two of you should be together before your brains do.
“So how do you know Steve?” Eddie finally asks the question that he’s been dying to over pizza after the movie with his arm draped over the back end of the booth the two of you are sharing.
“Oh, I met him years ago when I came home for the first summer after they moved.”
“She was so excited after everything Max told her about me that she flung herself into my arms.” Steve chimes in, pointing a fry in your direction as he says it.
“I did not fling myself into your arms.” You laugh as you speak. “It was sorta similar to how we met Eddie. I brought him into a hug and thanked him for sticking up for Max and beating up Billy before asking him all about what it was like.”
“I’m sure he forgot to bring up how Billy ended up getting the upper hand in the end.” Robin adds getting a betrayed look from Steve because he did in fact withhold that information from you.
“Oh he definitely did but Max had already told me that and how she then saved him by knocking Billy out with some drug. But I didn’t wanna bruise his ego or anything so I let it go.” You shrug and look back over at Eddie. “And then I met Robin when I visited the summer that the mall burned down except I got here after it happened. And admittedly haven’t been around much since, just a week or so here and there before like radio silence for two years.”
“Yeah, not even a phone call or anything, Mike was giving us updates as much as Max was with what he got from Will or El.”
“Were you close with Will and El?”
“I mean El became Max’s best friend so of course I got to know her and Will’s such a great kid it’s hard to not want to be close with them. They all moved into a neighborhood not far from my campus and I helped them get situated into their house and stopped by when I could to see how they were all doing or to hang out with Jonathan and Argyle.” You have to look away from Eddie as you speak because if he keeps looking at you like he wants to know every nook and cranny in you you fear you’ll do something drastic like kiss him.
“You should’ve been here when Eddie and Will met. They both completely freaked out.” Steve changes the subject from you at the mention of Will.
“Don’t even try to deny it, Ed boy.” Robin joins in interrupting Eddie as he opens his mouth to speak. “Will was so excited to meet the cool older dungeon master his friends always told him about. And Eddie was super psyched to meet zombie boy Will Byers who was just as into the game they play as he is.”
“I can totally see that.”
“When did you say Max was coming home Sweetheart?” Eddie leans closer to you the smallest bit as he asks. And Steve and Robin look at eachother with the latter mouthing the nickname to the former.
“Oh probably around like four or five. Why, what time is it?”
“Its…” he brings his wrist in front of him to check his watch and you lean over to have a look too, “almost three.”
“And we still have to make a stop at the store so you can get your milk. Do you think we should go now?”
“If you’re still planning on being home when she gets back we probably should.” 
As the two of you talk Robin and Steve communicate in their weird best friend platonic soulmate way where they don’t talk about how the conversation is going. Steve motions over, look at this. Robin nods and widens her eyes, I know right, before making a motion with her hands and letting her lips quirk up, ir’s domestic as shit. Steve rubs two fingers together, wanna make a bet.
“Do you guys care if we get going?” You ask already standing up from the booth to let Eddie out.
“Not at all.” Robin pushes Steve out of the booth so she can hug you goodbye. “We should definitely do this again soon. And if we can’t meet up for a movie or anything you should stop by the store and I’ll show you my sweet setup in the back where I watch movies.”
“That sounds great!” You hug her back excited to have gotten to know her better. “I think that movie Willow comes out this friday, we could go see that if nothing comes up.”
“Perfect! Eddie has my number written down somewhere so he can give it to you later and you can give me a call or something.” You nod and take a step back to stand next to Eddie.
“Bye guys. Thanks again for pizza Steve.”
“No problem, see you around.” Eddie gives them a mock salute before grabbing your hand and leading the way out to the van.
“So what do you do, like for work?” You look back at Eddie over your shoulder as you grab a basket and lead the way further into the store.
“I work at the auto body shop in town, have been since my junior year of high school.” He blindly follows you through the store and down the cereal aisle as he answers.
“That’s cool.” You grab a box of Cap’n Crunch before thinking it over and grabbing a second one to add to the basket. “That mean I get a discount if my car starts acting up, since we’re becoming such great friends?” Eddie genuinely can’t tell if you’re flirting with him or not - you are - but it feels like it so he flirts back a red hue making its way to his cheeks.
“For you Sweetheart, it’s free. Gotta make sure you don’t go breaking down or anything.” He only gets a glimpse of the smile on your face when you turn to go down the next aisle. “What are you planning on doing for work?”
“I got my degree in teaching so I’m hoping that I get a call from one of the schools soon.”
“I’m sure you will. They’d be stupid not to, you’ll be a great teacher.”
“You think so?” You’ve got a bigger different type of smile on your face when you turn to face him, a box of brown cinnamon pop tarts in your hands.
“I know so. You’ve got this thing about you that screams trust me with your kids.” He spreads his hands out by his face in showmanship that earns him a laugh. He smiles at it and stuffs his hands into his pockets. “For real though, you have fun teacher vibes written all over you.”
“Thanks.” Heat rushes to your face at the compliment. It’s been your dream for what feels like forever to be a teacher and be able to be one of those people to help kids like so many of your past ones did for you. And as much as your mom and dad and friends have told you that you’d be great at it, something about Eddie saying it made you elated. It definitely wasn’t because of the not so small crush that’s started developing, no way. “Now let’s get that milk you need and head home.”
“Milk?” You miss the confused word as you turn around and lead the way out of the aisle. Eddie follows while trying to figure out why he would need to get milk when there was plenty at home to last them another couple days.
“Which kind do you and Wayne normally get?” Your question jogs his memory as he finally remembers using the whole ‘I have to go to the store so I was going to drive anyways’ excuse to get you into his van instead of Steve’s car.
“The blue one, whichever that is.”
“Do you mean two percent or do you mean skim?” Your eyebrows furrow in confusion as you open the fridge door to grab whichever he says.
“Whichever one is blue.” Eddie’s voice sounds distracted and when you look back at him you notice his attention drawn to a stray balloon floating up to the ceiling. 
“Eddie.” An amused laugh escapes you and pulls his attention back to you. “They’re both blue. Do you not know what kind of milk you drink?”
“I know what kind of milk we drink, scoot.” His mock defensiveness and how he pushes you out of the way so it looks like he’s shoving but really it’s just a nudge causes you to let out a louder, longer laugh. Eddie has to fight with the goofy smile that wants to spread across his face so he can keep the act going. “See, it’s the blue one.” He brandishes a jug of milk with a dark blue lid and label triumphantly.
“Okay and what kind of milk is that?” Eddie goes to turn the jug around to read it. “Without looking.” 
“Does it matter? If they wanted us to distinguish it by what type they are then they wouldn’t be color coded.” He huffs out in defeat before hooking his arm around your shoulder and steers you towards check out. “Don’t we have a little sister we gotta get you home to?”
“Oh, hi Eddie.” Max opens the door to greet him two days later. “I’m almost ready to go. Come in but be quiet because she’s on the phone.” She turns to head back to her room to finish getting all of her change together for the arcade and Eddie shuts the door behind him before heading into the living room. He notices you standing in the kitchen phone pressed against your ear. You look over at him as soon as he shows up and offer him a smile and wave before turning to face the wall to not get distracted by him. Eddie can tell it’s an important call by how you twirl the cord around your finger and keep a professional tone to your voice.
“Yeah, I can come by whatever time works best for you tomorrow.” A minute of silence while you listen to whoever is on the other line. “Okay, see you at two tomorrow. Bye.” You wait until the phone is hung back up on the wall before letting out a little happy yell and jumping up and down a couple times.
“Did you get it?” Max shows up next to Eddie looking excited and rushes to hug you when you nod and let out an excited ‘yes’. “I knew it!”
“What’s going on?”
“That was the principal of the high school, I have to go in tomorrow to see where I would fit best and go over a few things but I’m gonna teach next school year!”
“That’s amazing! I told you you would.” He takes a few steps towards you before you make your own way into his arms for a celebratory hug. “You’re gonna be a great teacher.” He whispers into your ear causing a shiver to travel down your spine. “You should come with us today to celebrate. We can stop by Family Video after the arcade so you can tell Steve and Robin about the good news.”
“That sounds perfect. Let me grab Max’s glasses and my rolls of quarters and we can go.” Max groans and rolls her eyes at the mention of her glasses while you rush off.
At the arcade Eddie mainly just watches while you and Max fight over breaking high scores and play against each other. But he’s not upset about it, it’s nice to see such a big smile on your face as you rub it in Max’s that you beat her score before she shoves you out of the way to try to get it back. And this is easily the liveliest he’s seen Max ever, sure she’s happy and excited when it’s just him and her but it’s another level now that she’s playing with you. He doesn’t even play anything, just leans on the machine behind the two of you watching as his favorite sister duo's bonds grow stronger.
He definitely likes that when Max takes the game over again you sometimes will lean into his side and rest your head on his shoulder.
“And once again I’m the Burgertime high score!” You cheer as you put your standard three letters in for the scoreboard. 
“I’m not even gonna try to beat you this time, I know I won’t.” It had quickly become your favorite game since it showed up in the arcade in Cali in eighty two and you’ve had the high score since you got the hang of it. “How about Dig Dug next?” Max asks while squinting her eyes and rubbing her forehead briefly, a sign Eddie knows best as the start of an eye strain headache. You notice it too but before you can say anything he beats you to it.
“Last game Red, then we’re out of here before you give yourself a migraine.”
“But-”
“No ifs, buts, or coconuts. I can already tell it’s starting to bother you.”
“Y/n, back me up here.”
“Nope, Eddie’s right.” You twist your arm with his and grab onto his hand. “You’re getting all squinty eyed again and don’t think I missed you squeezing them shut while you were watching me play last. You’re lucky I don’t drag you out of here now.”
“God, who are you two my parents?” Max groans hating how the two of you are teaming up against her even if she knows you’re right and if she plays much longer she’ll need to rest basically the rest of the day. “Fine, we'll play Dig Dug and leave.” She walks away, turning into the next aisle of games and leaving you and Eddie in front of Burgertime.
“Thanks for looking out for her so much.” You squeeze his hand and smile up at him keeping your voice low and the conversation private. “You really have no idea what it means to me, and probably to her, that you care so much.” 
“You don’t have to thank me for that Sweetheart. Caring for her, for both of you really, is like second nature to me.” Loving the two of you is second nature to him too, but he wouldn’t own up to that just yet. “Now come on if we lag behind for too long she’ll insist the game didn’t count and start to play another round.” He pulls you along heading straight for Max but all you can focus on is how your heart is fluttering at his soft tone and his inclusion of you in the sentence.
After Max dies you make Eddie take a turn before you do. You had noticed that he wasn’t even trying to have a turn for any of the other games and wanted to make sure he felt included and had fun. And after seeing how joyful Max was rubbing it in Eddie’s face that she beat him you may have let her keep the high score, dying with a hundred points to go to match her. But you’ll never tell and that’s exactly what you told Eddie on the way out when he asked if you let her win.
Two days later Eddie finds you sitting on the steps of your trailer with your head on your knees after getting home from work. He can tell by the way your shoulders are shaking that you’re crying and without a second thought crosses the road to comfort you however he can.
“Sweetheart?” His voice makes you freeze for a second before you peek up at him. 
“Oh, hi Eddie. I didn’t realize it was late enough for you to be coming home.” You try to hastily wipe your tears away and pray that your voice isn’t too croaky or shaky and that the tears stop. 
“Are you okay?” He doesn’t approach you carefully or slowly like you’re a rabbit that’ll run off if he gets too close, you get all of him all at once. One second you’re looking up and answering him and the next his body is sitting next to you, the step groaning under the two of you at the sudden addition. You barely even have time to take in his work get up, hair in a bun, tank top, and overalls tied at his waist. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s been a rough day in the Mayfield home.” You sniffle as you speak.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” He wants to wrap his arm around you so badly but doesn’t want to risk getting any grease on your clean clothes. 
There’s a pause between the two of you as you think about it. You don’t want to talk about it but you know that holding it in won’t do you any good.
“It’s been a bad day for Max. She’s been bumping into stuff a lot more today and she was trying to read a book but couldn't get her eyes to actually focus on the words. Even with her glasses on. When I asked her if she wanted to go skating for a bit she started yelling and crying about how she can’t believe I would ask her that when I know she can’t do it anymore. And then she ran to shut herself in her room and I came out here.” You start crying again and Eddie decides fuck it if grease stains your clothes he’ll buy replacements and brings you into a side hug where you hide your face in his shoulder.
“Sorry you have to see me in such a mess, big guy.” You apologize after a few minutes. 
“Don’t even worry about it, we’ve all been there.”
“I’m not even upset about her freaking out on me. I get it, she’s going through it y’know? She’s bound to have bad days with what she’s going through. It’s just having to see her go through all of it that gets me. That’s my little sister, I practically raised her, I’m supposed to help protect her. And now I have to watch her go through all this pain and I can’t even do anything about it. I just love her so much.” You let out a heart wrenching sob into his shoulder and his hold on you tightens.
“I’ve never been in your shoes here but I get it. It’s valid to be this distraught about it, so don’t feel bad for showing it.” He speaks into your hair before dropping a kiss to your head.
“Thanks Eddie.” You say once you’ve calmed down. Before you can start violently wiping the wetness from your face Eddie’s hands are there tenderly doing it for you.
“You don’t have to thank me for being here for you.” The two of you just stare for a minute with you taking in every detail of his pretty brown eyes and your noses almost touching. “I have to go shower but after that do you want me to come over? We can play that card game you’ve mentioned.” He offers to come over instead of having you come to his place knowing you wouldn’t want to leave Max home alone, even if she’s going to stay locked in her room.
“That sounds great! Have you eaten? I’ll make sandwiches and get my deck of cards ready.”
“It’s a date, see you in a bit.” Eddie rushes over to his trailer as soon as he realizes the wording he let slip out. You barely even notice in your haste to get up and back inside.
“You can do three of a kind?!” Eddie exclaims as you lay out your winning Rummy hand.
“Yeah, I told you that when I explained the rules.” You giggle while you speak leaning forward to collect all the cards again. “Are we playing again?”
“Yeah, this next round is gonna be my round just you wait Sweetheart. I’ll win this time.”
“Okay.” 
You try to give him a chance, even though after the cards were dealt you had two jacks and two sevens and the first card you picked up was a third jack. But after so long you end up with the three jacks in your hand, a seven, and a run of three clubs and then draw the fourth jack. You couldn’t just pass up that kind of winning hand.
“Oh Eddie baby. I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“Rummy.” You discard the seven and lay your hand down.
“No! Teach me a different game, this one’s impossible.”
“You’re just a sore loser.” You laugh and start shuffling the cards again.
“What did you just call me?” Eddie jabs your side causing you to jump before he digs his fingers into your sides causing you to shriek. “A sore loser?”
“Yes! Eddie, stop!” You get the words out between fits of laughter that are making your belly ache and tears to well up in your eyes.
“Take it back and I will.”
“Okay, okay!” He takes his hands off of your sides and lets them hover there so you can talk. “You’re not a sore loser.”
“Thank you.” Eddie goes to collect the cards to reshuffle them.
“You’re just a loser.” You get a scoff before he’s tackling you backwards on the couch, gaining a shocked gasp and a bit of laughter before you both freeze with the realization of how close you are to each other.
Your noses are barely a centimeter apart, you’re close enough that you can make out a ring of a pale dull yellow near the outside of his iris. You knew that you could get lost in the sea of brown but you didn’t realize it was possible to drown in them. Just as his eyes glance down at your lips and you think he might kiss you floorboards creak pulling both of your attentions to Max entering the room. She pauses when she’s close enough to recognize the blob she sees on the couch as you and Eddie.
“What did I just walk in on?” Eddie hesitates a moment, glancing back at your lips before sitting back up straight against the arm of the couch.
“Cards obviously.” He picks up the deck and starts shuffling while you sit up and fix your tank top that had risen up.
“Sure.” 
“Did you need something Max?” Your concerned voice brings her attention to you. The love in your voice, and she’s sure it shows in your eyes even if she can’t see it, causes her to tear up. She was so sure that after she yelled at you for nothing you’d be upset with her. She’s sitting next to you and hugging you in no time at all. “Are you okay?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you earlier.” That fact that she did has been eating at her since she shut herself in her room. “You were just trying to do something we love together and I-”
“It’s okay.” You cut her off resting your chin on top of her head. “Everyone has moments where they lash out without meaning to under stress. Remember when we were younger and I screamed at that kid who had a crush on me at the skate park to leave me alone? All because mom and dad were fighting a lot that week and my stress was through the roof between trying to keep you away from it and being the buffer between them. Poor kid avoided me for the next month.” She laughs at the memory before pulling away. “You wanna play five hundred with me and Eddie? We’ve been playing rummy because he thought that would be too long of a game but we can switch games if you want.”
“Can I just watch? I don’t trust my eyes to not mess with me.”
“Yeah, of course.” She moves to sit closer to Eddie while you get up and sit on the floor on the other side of the coffee table. “Deal the cards big guy.”
“You wanna make this round interesting?”
“How so?” He deals the cards out before answering so he can fight off the nerves for what he’s about to say.
“Loser has to go on a date with the winner.” You can’t stop the smile from forming on your face.
“Oh you are so on.” You and Eddie are both quick to pick up the facedown cards in front of you using them to hide the goofy smiles on both your faces.
“This is the weirdest way I’ve ever seen someone get asked out for sure.” You both ignore her as you continue playing. After a few back and forths at taking turns Eddie shoots up in excitement.
“Rummy!” He lays his hand on the table before making his way around the table to pull you to your feet. “I believe you owe me a date, loser.”
“Alright, I guess I do.” You try to act disappointed but you can’t get rid of the smile on your face. “Guess I better get to planning.”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll do everything, you just have to answer the door when I come get you.” Eddie starts heading towards the door to leave, stopping right before leaving. “Tomorrow night, dress comfortably.” 
By the end of the next month Eddie owes Max fifty dollars.
Eddie Taglist (Closed): @sadbitchfangirl​ @notbeforelong​​ @munsonswhore86​​ @navs-bhat​ @emotionaldreamer​ ​​​​​ @fangirling-4-ever​  @gaysludge​​​ ​@eddiethesexy​ @mazerunnerrose​ @midnightsgetawaycar  @goldylions  @mushroomelephant @saramelaniemoon @nojamsonmytoast @vintagehellfire @esoltis280 @spikedhe4rt @siriuslysmoking @toobsessedsstuff @alana4610 @gretavanfleas @sparkletash @aactuaaltraash @spookyemorockbabe
Everything Taglist: @matchamunson​ @bubsonnobx​ @practicalghost​ @katsukis1wife @crustyowos @yourfavdummy @protecteddiemunson4vr @kennedy-brooke @m00nkn1ghts @rory-cakes
574 notes · View notes
kooktrash · 8 months
Note
Fighting heart mc has a little accident at home and needs to go to the hospital (maybe for stitches?) and jk calls her and nurse pick it up and says that she’s in hospital 😌 And of course he got panicked and rushed to the hospital and even after he saw that she’s perfectly fine he can’t help but cry because of the fear and all those ugly emotions (and he thought that something big happened to her) 😭😭 And of course he wouldn’t stop gushing over her and be her ‘yes man’
oooof I missed these two idk. jk has always been the more stressed out one so I could def see him completely losing his shit while oc is like “🤷🏽‍♀️Shit happens” he def makes a bigger deal out of it.
FIGHTING HEART
Tumblr media
warnings: mentions of bl**d, oc cuts her leg with glass. jk gets anxiety from it. oc needed stitches 2.4K words.
You never considered yourself a handy man of any sort. You hate getting your hands dirty and you hate doing any sort of hard labor at all—it’ll mess up your manicure, but today you didn’t have much of a choice. You had just been lounging around your apartment all day with Jimin who decided he would come over and keep you company. Your boyfriend, Jungkook, has been stuck training lately because he’s got a big fight coming up and Jin has been really strict on him because of it. Even if he won’t admit it, you know he’s been stressed because if he wins, he’ll win big.
Jungkook has finally begun to really establish himself as a real boxer and right now he’s getting so many calls from just about anyone in the boxing world looking to set a match with him. He’s so close to being the lightweight champion and you know it’s been a lot of pressure on him so all you’ve wanted to do was show him your support and show him he could rely on you.
Maybe that’s why you decided to tackle this issue on your own today.
“You’re scaring me, Y/n,” Jimin said as he watched you stand on your kitchen counter trying to switch out a lightbulb, “If you fall Jungkook is going to kill me.”
You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you turned to him with the huge, heavy lightbulb in your hands, “Stop being so negative, I’m very capable of changing a lightbulb, thank you very much.”
Jimin released a sigh, “I mean… if you say so.”
Jungkook was exhausted, his body ached everywhere and all he wanted to do was drive over to you, pull you into a bath with him and hopefully fall asleep after. Lately it feels like all he’s done is train with Hobi and right now he just wants to stop it all and go see you.
Of course he’s thankful for all the opportunities he’s been given in life but right now he just wants to be selfish and hang out with the love of his life without worrying about the newest brand deal—which right now, Calvin Klein has been blowing up Jin’s phone to sign the new and upcoming boxer as a brand ambassador. He thinks he’ll do it but only if he can get you signed on as well, it’s not like they would say no with the connections you have. Maybe he’ll talk to you about it tonight.
“Alright Kook, you wanna rest up tonight because tomorrow we’re doing it all over again,” Hoseok said to him as they walked toward their parked cars ready to end today’s session, “Are you going to see Y/n?”
“That’s the plan,” Jungkook said, already taking his phone out to call you, “I’m thinking we’ll get dinner and after that probably just lounge around.”
They said their goodbyes and once Jungkook was in the privacy of his car, he called you. Lately, he’s been so busy he almost feels guilty for not being able to see you. You’re so supportive and loving and all he wants to do is spend all his time with you but he’s finally doing something with his life and it’s all because of you so he just continues to push himself to his limits. He wants to be with someone worthy of you, no matter how many times you assure him you’ll love him no matter what.
You chose him over anyone else, even when you saw his poor living conditions with leaking roofs and broken cabinets. You stayed with him when you saw him lose control at an underground fight club. You’ve chosen him and he loves you so much that he misses you anytime he’s away.
When the call went to voicemail he couldn’t help but be confused, you told him you would just be home today so he wondered why you wouldn’t answer. Maybe you were sleeping or not around your phone, so he called you again just to be sure.
“Hello?”
Jungkook pulled the phone away from his ear, looking down at the screen to make sure he had in fact called you and not whatever guy was currently answering the phone, “Y/n?”
“Jungkook,” Jimin cleared his throat awkwardly, “Um, this is Jimin.”
He released a breath in relief, “Oh, where’s Y/n?”
“Um,” Jimin bit his lip nervously as he looked behind him. Jungkook waited for him to speak but the longer he stayed quiet the more worried he got. Why did Jimin answer your phone and why did he seem so nervous?
“Y/n can’t really answer the phone right now,” Jimin said, already imagining your overprotective boyfriend plunging his fist into Jimin’s pretty head, “She had an accident an—“
“What?” Jungkook hit the brakes hard, completely forgetting he was trying to drive out of the parking lot, “What do you mean accident? Where is she?”
“We’re at the hospital right now, they’re giving her stitches—“
“Where?” Jungkook’s voice dropped to a low octave as his blood ran cold. He barely listened to the hospital Jimin told him before he was hanging up and speeding toward you. He ran a couple red lights but he didn’t even care. He felt his anxiety begin to spike up to the point where his chest tightened painfully and it was getting hard for him to breathe.
Getting to the hospital all happened in a blur, he went straight to the E.R section and he knew that the nurse behind the counter thought he looked crazy.
He was drenched in sweat from training and his eyes were red, his hands shaky and his voice cracked when he asked what room you were in.
“She’s just finishing up surgery and she’ll be out soon, I’ll take you to where the friend is waiting,” the nurse said and he anxiously followed after her, biting his lip so hard that it bled. The elevator ride felt like an eternity and he ignored the nurse’s warning not to run as he searched for Jimin who sat outside the room with his head down.
“What happened?” Jungkook asked and there was no denying the panic in his voice. Jimin shot up out of his seat looking a little scared by the way Jungkook glared at him. Jimin bit his lip, “We were in her kitchen and Y/n was trying to change a stupid lightbulb and—“
“Ow!”
Jungkook looked to the room, the blinds were closed so he couldn’t even look in and the door was shut, “Oh my god, did she fall?”
Jimin nodded subtly, “Y/n dropped the bulb and I think it s-scared her and she ended up falling a-and, glass was everywhere a—“
“What the fuck were you doing?!” Jungkook yelled louder than he meant to and others immediately turned to him with worry. Jimin’s eyes widened at the way Jungkook grabbed at him and once Jungkook realized what he was doing, he immediately let him go, “I’m sorry, Jimin. Sorry… b-but, if something happens to Y/n…”
“I know man,” Jimin put a hand on his shoulder, “She’s just getting a few stitches and she’ll be out soon. I’m sorry.”
Jungkook sat down with his head in his hands, hiding himself as he shut his eyes trying to get his brain to shut up. He knows that you’ll be fine but he can’t help but imagine the worse. He’s been so busy lately and he told you he would switch the stupid lightbulb for you and just kept forgetting. This is all his fault. All of it.
The thought of you being hurt in even the slightest way made him sick to his stomach. You weren’t supposed to get hurt. He’s supposed to keep you safe and be there for you and he hasn’t been and he feels so fucking shitty because all he can picture right now is your fall. How bad was it? How did it happen? Jimin said there was glass everywhere…
How hurt were you?
It felt like years passed before they were finally let into the room. Jimin stood behind with guilt written all over his face as Jungkook went right to your side, immediately holding your face in his hands, “Baby, tell me you’re okay.”
“I’m okay,” you said with a smile as you looked down at your leg, “Just a couple stitches, nothing too bad.”
“Six stitches and a large piece of glass in her heel,” the doctor said as he looked down at his paperwork. Jungkook was hovering over you with his forehead pressed against yours, “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” You asked brushing his sticky hair out of his face, “I’m fine.”
“She did great,” the doctor said, finally getting Jungkook’s attention, “We’re going to prescribe something for the pain and finish up some paperwork. We have a pair of crutches Y/n could use but she should be healed in about three weeks. As of right now, I’d say put as little weight on her foot as possible, it was a big fall and she’s definitely bruised up.”
“Thank you, doctor,” Jungkook said and you looked at him. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you looked down at your boyfriend who lifted your knuckles to his lips and kissed the top of them. You could see his reddened eyes and when he looked up at you it was clear he was crying, this is the second time you’ve seen your strong boyfriend cry and it broke you.
“Jimin,” you looked to your friend, “Can you give us a minute?”
The doctor took that as his cue to go get the paperwork and leave with your friend until it was just you and Jungkook. “Baby,” you called to him once you were alone and he allowed himself to fully break down against your hospital bed, “What’s wrong? Are you mad? I know you told me to wait b-but, I just wan—“
“I’m so sorry,” he cried, tears falling down his cheeks, “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/n. I keep telling you over and over again that I want to be someone you deserve and I just keep disappointing you.”
You sat up suddenly, wincing a little as you shifted your leg and Jungkook immediately looked up with fear, “Jungkook, this isn’t your fault at all. This was an accident, I was being impatient. Even Jimin told me it was a bad idea but I wanted to prove that I could do things on my own, obviously not bu—“
“Baby, you’re so strong and you don’t even know it,” Jungkook said as he sat down on the edge, careful not to take up too much room, “So strong and smart that you can do anything. I just… I should’ve just done it the first time you told me.”
“Don’t blame yourself for this,” You combed his hair back before wiping his tears away with your thumb, “And shouldn’t I be the one crying? I just got six stitches.”
Jungkook sniffled as he leaned forward and pulled you into a tight hug, “I was so scared, baby, so fucking scared that something horrible happened and I just… I just couldn’t get over the fact that I wasn’t around.”
Your eyes met his and to help him calm down, and remind him he won’t lose you, you kissed him. Jungkook kissed you back wantonly, hand in your hair and salty tears on his tongue, “I love you so much.”
The wait for the paperwork took forever and Jimin sat in the corner of the room watching you and Jungkook. He had been so exhausted from his training that when he rested his head on your chest, he fell asleep.
“You’ve got a very concerned boyfriend on your hands,” the nurse said once she returned, “I hear he caused a commotion downstairs and out in the hall just worried sick about you.”
“I’m sure he did,” you said in a whisper, brushing a finger against his cheek that had him waking up slowly, eyes hazy as he looked up at you.
“Alright, well just follow the doctor’s orders, once the numbing block wears off you’ll feel some pain because you sprained your ankle. We’ll do a follow up in about a week, how does that sound? Now I need the one she’ll be leaving with to sign these documents.
“Sounds good, we’ll be here,” Jungkook had your hand in his as he signed the paper with his free hand, there were crutches in her hands and she was motioning for you to try and sit up. Jungkook didn’t hesitate to tuck an arm under your back and the other one under your knees before he was lifting you up.
“No need for crutches?” The nurse asked, watching Jungkook pick you up with ease. Jimin took them from her with a thank you, “I guess not.”
“Babe, I can walk,” you tried telling him as he cradled you in his arms, “I’m heavy.”
“Shh, I’ve made guys bigger than you tap out with one punch,” Jungkook said as he carried you to the elevator with Jimin hot on your trails, “I think I’m capable of carrying my injured girlfriend to the car.”
When you got to the hotel you lived at, Jungkook had yet to let your feet touch the car even once. He helped you to bed using a pillow to rest your leg and making sure you were comfortable as he ran around looking for things you might need.
You giggled, “Kook, I’m not paralyzed, I can walk, just give me some time.”
“I know you’re strong babe but I really don’t want you over exerting yourself,” he said, “Just tell me what you want and I’ll go do it.”
“I still need the lightbulb fixed.”
“On it.”
Jungkook ran out to the kitchen, nearly crying again once he saw the mess on your perfectly polished marble floors. Once again he was reminded that you had probably been in a lot of pain and he wasn’t around. There was blood mixed with thin glass all over the floor and he went to your supply closet to get the cleaning supplies. If Jimin wasn’t around, what would have happened? Would you have forced yourself to stand and call an ambulance? Would you have called him or would you think he was too busy to answer?
The next morning Jungkook did not leave your side one bit. He called Hobi and told him he wouldn’t make it to training and spent his day doing everything he could for you.
permanent taglist: @notmyfaultbutours @rerefundslocals @fandems @sugaluvmyg @guvgguk @kimyishin @libra04 @kooromiwrld @classycreationcupcake-blog @alwaysdreamingnotsleeping @cherrymonlightt @nikkiordonez12 @asking4-sanity @thvlover @saweetspoiled @uwu2rawr @shaybts-blog @babycandy111 @tearyjjeon @joons-uparupa @jeonninja @yellowcupid08 @02010802faves @knudsenheggedel @skzthinker @unnatae @aurorthi @beautywine @95ene @taekookstata @lilliankoo @shescharlie @annenakamura a @lesoleile @burnahtsw @babybella337 @kooloveys @ku-ku @chaelvrx @minnie-mouser22 @Imeneghd @whoa-jo @evajeonsworld @marvelbun @sunnikthv v @kochycooky @heyhowyoudoin3 @acielelyseen @giselleswifeee @jeonjk25 @ilikeitlikethatt @bangmechanpls @lvr2seok @badbyeyoongi @jaerisdiction @watermelonjuice15 @artmsmaid @xyahrinx @angeleen777 @jooniesxbby @brillantdarling
414 notes · View notes
angstysebfan · 10 months
Text
Just Friends - Part 1
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: This is a 2-parter. You've been just friends with Bucky since you first joined the Avengers, but is there more? You both deny it. What happens with Bucky gets a girlfriend, who may not like your relationship? Warnings: Angst, jealousy, asshole girlfriends, cursing
A/N: I hope I made this even better than it was before. It’s a 2-parter. Part 2 will hopefully be out tomorrow. None of my stories are edited or beta’d. If you want to be a part of my taglist, please request. My old taglist no longer is active.
When you first joined the Avengers, you instantaneously felt comfortable with everyone, but there was one person that you clicked with more than the others. Bucky Barnes. He was shy for maybe a day before realizing how much you both have in common. He became your person and you became his, platonically of course. Sometimes you wonder if there is more, but you don't dwell on it much. You're happy being exactly what you are to each other. Like right now, you're sitting on the couch watching TV, your feet on Bucky’s lap, with him massaging your calves. You both sit and watch Ace Ventura, because you both love comedy and Jim Carey is king. When the movie was finally over, you look over at Bucky and give him a smile.
“So what do you want to do now?” you ask, nudging your foot into his hard abdomen.
He squeezes your foot and tickles the bottom of it, making you giggle and pull your foot toward you. He chuckles and grabs you foot back to put in on his lap, continuing his massage.
“We could take a nap,” he said with raised eyebrows.
You smile and nod at him excitedly. “Your room or mine?” you ask.
He stands up, letting your feet drop, he turns and reaches for your hands. He pulls you off the couch and leads you toward his room, stilling holding onto your one hand.
You close the door behind you and climb into the bed with Bucky, and snuggle into his open arms. You feel a kiss on the top of your head and nuzzle your nose into his chest. It didn’t take you long to fall asleep with the sound of his steady heartbeat and the warmth of his arms. This is probably your favorite place.
When you wake up, a few hours later, you realize you're alone in his room. You decide to look for him and head back toward the common room and hear Sam, Steve and Bucky talking.
“It’s not a big deal guys. Y/N is my best friend… besides you,” you guess Bucky points at Steve when he says this last part.
“I don’t know man, you guys act like you’re dating,” Sam says.
“Are you sure you don’t have feelings for her?” you hear Steve ask.
Your heart starts pounding in your chest. Now you've been asked the same question by Nat and Wanda, and you always stated you were both just friends, but again you wonder if it's really true. And while you assume you know his answer, you kinda hope he says that he does have feelings, then you won't feel stupid for your "feelings".
“We're just friends,” he says with confidence.
You can’t help the slight disappointment, but shake it off because of course your just friends. You were perfectly okay with just being friends with Bucky, and you didn’t care that the rest of the team didn’t get it.
“Guys, trust me. I will NEVER see Y/N like that. She's far from my type. Plus, I already started talking to a girl, who's so amazing,” Bucky says.
You can’t help but gasp at that statement, and have tears coming down your cheeks. While you understand he may only like you as a friend, to hear that you'll never be his type hurts you more than you care to admit. Then to hear that he has been talking to someone else send another stab into your heart. Maybe you do have stronger feelings for Bucky than you realized, and maybe you need to deal with those feelings and quickly since they will never be reciprocated.
The next day you were in the the gym lifting weights, when Bucky came strolling in. He was on the phone, and you couldn’t help but notice the wide smile he had on. When he hung up the phone, he made a B-line to you. You take a deep breath and get into the correct head space.
“Hello my Bella. Haven’t seen you since our nap yesterday. Everything okay?” He asks. You continue with your exercise and give him a small smile. “Yup.” He looks at you, waiting for more of an answer. When you don’t elaborate, he can’t help but feel nervous, but quickly shakes it away.
“Hey, you busy later? I kinda have someone I want you to meet.” He asks. You look into his eyes, prepared to blow him off, but you see the hope in them. “Um… yea sure.” you say quietly. He smiles and walks toward the punching bag to begin his own workout.
After you both finish your workouts, and shower, he knocks on your door. “Hey Belle, you ready?” he asks when you open the door. “Uh, yeah. Let’s go.” You walk out of the room, and Bucky immediately wraps his flesh arm around your shoulders, as he leads you to the elevator.
Once you left the compound, you both walk to the pizza place about a 20 minute walk since the compound property is so big. Bucky has his arm around you the entire time, and eventually you wrap yours around his waist and relax. So what you're going to meet a girl he is talking to. Talking to someone is nothing, and maybe it won't even work out.  You both enter the pizza place, and Bucky leads you toward a red head sitting in the booth in the back. Bucky had immediately released you when you entered, but grabbed your hand as he lead you walked to the booth.
The red head smiles at Bucky, but her smile slips slightly as her eyes asses you and your joined hands. You can’t help the blush of anxiety in your cheeks. Bucky releases your hand, when the red head gets out of the booth and tightly embraces her.
“Hey, Dot. You been waiting long?” he asks.
She shakes her head ‘no’ into his chest as her hands caress the hairs on the back of his neck. When they pull apart, she holds his head and pulls him into a kiss. Your breath hitches and you try to look somewhere else, wanting nothing more than to cry and possibly vomit. Bucky pulls away from Dot and turns to look at you with an embarrassed smile. You see the blush in his cheeks, but you try to act nonchalant, and you hope you succeed. Bucky takes your hand and pulls you next to him.
“Dot, this is Y/N. She's my best friend. Y/N, this is Dot. My girlfriend,” he says looking between the two of you with a proud smile.
Your eyes snap up to Bucky’s in surprise. Girlfriend?! You thought he was just talking but they are actually dating? What. The. Fuck! You put your spy talents to use and pretend to be somewhat happy.
“Dot, it's nice to meet you,” you say as you extend your hand to shake hers.
Dot looks at you with a fake smile. “I’m sure,” she says as she grabs your hand.
You are taken aback by this, but squeeze her hand as hard as you can. You see her wince, and just grin at her. Bucky looks happy and motions for the three of you to sit in the booth. He sits next to Dot, and they hold hands and Bucky caressing hers with his thumb. Throughout the whole lunch Dot kept leaning into Bucky and constantly touched him. You get more aggravated each time she touches him, knowing she was staking her claim on him in front of you. She obviously found you and your relationship with Bucky threatening. She also talks to him in a squeaky babylike voice, that runs right through you. You try your best to act the part of the best friend, but your heart is completely broken. No wonder he'll never look at you like that. This is obviously the type of girl he is interested in, and you will never be this type of girl. Thank god.
When you're done, you walk outside of the restaurant, turn and look at Dot.
“It was nice to meet you,” you say with a fake but polite smile.
She gives you a knowing smirk, “You too, uh… I’m sorry what was your name again?” she says.
Your polite smile falls and scowl forms. “Y/N,” you say flatly.
“Right, Y/N.”
You look at Bucky, “You ready to go?” you say.
Bucky looks weird and is avoiding you eyes, “Um, actually I’m going to go to Dot’s for the night,” he says quietly.
You're fucking pissed because you walked here, which means you now have to walk back, alone. It’s now basically dark, and you are in nowhere upstate New York. You stare at Bucky in disbelief and then at Dot, who has a smug grin on her face as she wraps her arms around Bucky, pulling him in the direction of her car.
“Oh, great. Well… uh.. have fun,” you say quickly but making sure he knew you were pissed.
You turn around and start walking back toward the compound feeling utterly defeated and pissed. You hear Bucky call your name asking you to wait a moment, but you just keep walking, tears running down your face. You feel your phone vibrating, knowing he was calling you, but again you ignore it. You walk up to the border of the compound property and stop and take a breath. You wanted to calm down before you went in. You look at your phone and see Bucky texted you.
I’m so sorry, Bells. I know should've told you.
Don't hate me.
Please let me know when you get back.
You decide to ignore him, he didn’t deserve to know you were back. You take another deep breath and walk up the walkway toward the building. You take the elevator to your floor and go straight to your room. You decide to shower and get ready for bed.
You lay there, wondering what will happen tomorrow when Bucky comes back. Suddenly your phone vibrates again. Its Bucky:
We really need to talk, tomorrow.
You wake up the next day and look at your phone. It was already 11:30. You quickly get up and change before heading down to the gym. You're half way through your run on the treadmill when Bucky walks in not looking like his normal happy self around you. He looks over at you, coldly and walks over. He then starts to look uncomfortable when he stops in front of you, and won’t meet your eyes.
“Hey,” you say.
He just nods. “Y/N, can you stop for a second, I need to talk to you,” he says, still avoiding your eyes.
You bring the treadmill to a stop and step down feeling confused by his demeanor.
“What’s going on?” you ask cautiously.
Bucky now looks at you, but his stare is hard and cold. You feel the air leave your lungs as you feel the anger starting to radiate off of him.
“Our friendship is over, Y/N,” he says, like it is nothing.
You feel the tears start to build. “What? Why? Buck… is this because I wouldn’t answer you last night? I.. I was upset because you didn’t give me the heads up about anything. I mean you didn't warn me I would be meeting your girlfriend, and then when introduce me to Dot, she made it pretty damn obvious she didn’t like me. Then to top it all off you made me walk home alone. I had a right to be pissed, but now you're ending the friendship?”
Bucky glares at you. “You made Dot feel very uncomfortable yesterday. She told me that you squeezed her hand too tight and would constantly make her feel like you were looking down on her. You were supposed to be my friend, and support me in my first relationship. Dot doesn’t like how close I am with you, and I want this relationship with her to work, because I think she could be the one for me. So I’m sorry, we need to end our friendship and keep our distance from each other.”
Tears are falling from your eyes, but you can’t help but get angry. “Are you fucking kidding me, James? I made her uncomfortable? She was assessing me from the moment we walked in the damn restaurant! I mean did you hear what she said when you introduced us? Or how about when I was leaving, she didn't even remember my name. But of course you don't give a shit about that, huh? So obviously our friendship has meant absolutely nothing to you this whole time! So fine, consider our friendship over, and stay the hell away from me. Goodbye Bucky.”
You push him out of the way and run out of the gym. Bucky’s heart is in his throat. He honestly doesn’t know what to do because when he spoke to Dot last night, she made it seem like you made her uncomfortable. He does want to try with Dot, because he knows he could never be with... you. Now he's lost you for good, which he thought would help him get over his feelings for you, but seeing your face broken by his words killed him in a way he never felt before.
He feels like he just made the worst mistake in his whole life.
--
Part 2
Oh Bucky you done fucked up man. Dot can go all the way to hell, and Bucky you might be joining her dude. Feedback is appreciated.
Permanent Taglist: @rebekahdawkins @marajade1974 @missvelvetsstuff @phillygirl77 @pattiemac1 @winterslove1917 @vampire7595
809 notes · View notes
Text
i learned about the most ridiculous "crime" someone was been reported to the authorities for
This harmless-looking fellow, Guido Menzio, was flying to Syracuse from Philadelphia.
Tumblr media
Once settled into his seat, the busy 40-year-old took out his work papers and got to working.
His seatmate, a blonde-haired white woman in her thirties, later claimed she had tried to strike up a conversation with him but he was evasive.
She took a look at what he was writing. Fear struck.
He was working on some cryptic plans! Strange letters and symbols she couldn't understand.
She bravely approached a flight attendant, claiming she felt too ill to fly.
She slipped her a note, warning her about a suspicious man working on something in a foreign language.
The woman was then discreetly escorted off the plane, where her suspicions were entertained for many minutes while the plane waited on the tarmac.
Then Menzio was also taken off-board and questioned.
And so what should have been a quick 40-minute flight ended up being delayed for two hours.
But what was he working on?
Maths. Differential equations.
Tumblr media
And he wasn't “Muslim” or “Arabic”. He was Italian. An Italian Ivy League professor.
Why did they make such a big deal out of it?
It wasn't really about the “foreign language”. It's about the fact that he was reported on suspicions of being a terrorist. Airlines security take that seriously and they investigate thoroughly.
After they established he was not a threat, they let him reboard. The woman refused to reboard, and opted to take the next flight. Hopefully her next seatmate won’t do something crazy like use the calculator app around her.
I understand math can be scary for some people, like that brave lady. Who does this guy think he is, doing math where anyone could see him?
Follow my Twitter/X account for more: www.x.com/toastbutteregg
I follow back!
405 notes · View notes
coupleoffanfics · 10 months
Text
I might write about this one day. Maybe. Probably.
Random things about y/n with the batfam
Based on First Post
Bruce Wayne
Bruce never knew how to deal with y/n’s emotional outbursts even before they drifted apart. Out of everyone y/n was hands down the most emotional out of all the kids. Like what he is supposed to do when she’s crying about stray cats that don’t have a home. Or those times when she’d tear up over failing a test.
Just gives her a pat on the back and tries saying that it's not the end of the world. Not really helping as it invalidates her emotions. She makes a mental note to not go to Bruce after getting the same “reassuring words” from him every time.
Nearly spat out his coffee when she called him Pa for the first time. It was only after a couple of months of living there. Seeing the shocked reaction, she quickly tried to take it back until he reassured her with a small smile.
“You won’t be my dad, but you can be my pa. So when I have kids you can be called peepaw.”
Bruce isn’t sure when y/n stopped calling him Pa, but he remembers how he felt hearing her call him Sir or Bruce. How unnatural it sounded. It was too formal, but what hurt the most was how she said it without a second thought. Acting like it was the norm.
What happened to him being Pa?
What does he have to do to get his Pa status back?
Hopefully he doesn’t learn that y/n gave that title to someone else.
Dick Grayson
Kinda regrets not getting to know y/n before he and the whole family start going off into the deep end. It's not like they never interact or anything. Dick had trained her when she was working toward becoming Batgirl, but it was Bruce who mainly trained her.
Dick wasn’t nearly as close to her as Tim or even Jason. He didn’t have the time when juggling the Teen Titans, establishing himself as Nightwing, and being a Wayne. It was a stressful time of his life.
But he has much more free time now. Meaning he has much more time to make up for not being a big brother for y/n.
Slightly jealous that everyone except for him and Damian know or at least knew y/n. Some more than others.
So to gain an edge he read her diary. Only once he swears and it wasn’t like he went searching for it or anything. Didn’t know she had one. It was just sitting there in a box under her bed. Anyone could have found it really.
Reading the neat handwriting and discovering the personality of y/n was interesting. Kinda expected something along the lines of teen angst constering how aloof she comes off when around the family. Instead he found words of an insecure yet optimistic girl.
Dick uses his newly acquired intel to make it easier for y/n to talk to him. Brings up media that she likes to bond over the “same” interests they have. Uses her insecurities against her.
If she gets mad at him for trying to plant the idea that her best friend was a bad person, he’ll act like she’s overrating. Say that she was yelling even if she wasn’t. When asking if there was any validity to his bullshit, he’ll bring up one of her insecurity.
“You’ve always been slow when it comes to everything, but good thing your favorite brother is always there for you.”
“Yeah, good thing I’ll always have Tim.”
“Yeah, wait-”
Jason Todd
They were somewhat close before he died as they trained and sparred with each other. He wished he was able to see her put on her suit for the first time as he knows how hard she worked for it. Could practically hear her squealing when she looked in the mirror.
Unlike the others, Jason avoided y/n on purpose. He felt ashamed for beating and having snapped her arm when he was trying to kill everyone. She wasn’t even fighting back. If it wasn’t for Bruce and Tim, y/n would have ended up in a casket.
When hearing that she quit being Batgirl, he was kind of surprised. He remembers the younger y/n trying so hard to meet Bruce’s expectations. Despite failing more than he could count, she always got back to work. Always trying to improve. Never being satisfied with herself.
Wanted to know what made her quit, but decided against it. It wasn’t his place to ask and he doubted that she’d tell him. It wasn’t like she told anyone though.
Was kinda glad that y/n quit. Jason always felt queasy when seeing or even thinking of her getting hurt since it reminds him of when he was so close to taking her life. And he always felt that she wasn’t made for this kind of work.
She was too soft to fight the Killer Croc or face Scarecrow. Even though Jason always felt that way, he’d never say it aloud. He couldn’t bring himself to dampen that twinkle in her eyes.
“I saw how hard you hit the punching bag, why are you holding back now?”
“I don’t know…I don’t want to hurt you or anything.”
“y/n, you're supposed to come at me with everything you got.”
“But I don’t like hurting you or anyone.”
Tim Drake
Tim and y/n were close even though it was a bit awkward at first. They geeked out about the latest games and shows. Staying up late enjoying whatever type entertainment with junk food much to the dismay of Bruce and Alfred.
y/n admired his intelligence and how patient he was when explaining something to her. Whether it was homework or something else entirely, he was the one she felt most comfortable asking for help from.
She was low-key jealous of how quickly Tim was able to gain the title of Robin while it took her years of training to become Batgirl. But the jealousy would later be admiration for a time.
Tim always felt privileged when y/n showed her artwork to him. She never likes showing it to anyone and hates when someone tries to look at what she was drawing. So when she asks for his attention and flips her notebook/tablet around he can't help smiling.
Even when they were on good terms, he wasn't sure how to approach her when going through a low. She either needed to be alone, talk, or push. The thing is Tim doesn't know how to appropriately react. He just doesn't want to make anything worse, so he ends up having her sit outside to absorb the sun rays. Since he noticed how that had brightened her low mood.
When y/n quit being Batgirl he gave her some space before asking about it. Surprisingly he didn't get much of an answer. She was usually so open about everything, especially with him.
Realizing that they were getting nowhere with this he backed off. Assuming that she'd tell him when she was ready.
Overtime they began hanging out less and less. He hadn't realized how far they drifted apart until one night. Just making a quick run to the kitchen for some coffee. It was pretty late and he didn't think any else was or would be awake.
Yet there was y/n sitting at the kitchen island writing on a paper with notes scattered around her. Homework. When Tim made his presence known with a simple hi, he noticed how…tense she got. Like she got caught stealing from the forbidden cookie jar.
When asking what she was working on, she gave short answers. He'd expected a monologue of how frustrating learning this new material is. Then asking if she needed help, he saw her jaw slightly clench. It looked like she was going to say more, but only declined with a no.
It was odd, but he didn't think too much of it at the time. He had…He didn't want to admit it, but he had more important things to deal with. If he knew of things that were going to happen, he would've done so much differently.
"— Really? I think this is my worst one yet."
"I don't know what you're talking about, it looks great. I couldn't ever draw something that good."
"Just because you can't draw doesn't make my drawing better. Wait, you were just shitting on me for comparing myself to others."
"Yeah, but that's different."
Damian Wayne/Al Ghul
Never liked y/n from the start. Before she even opened her mouth, just that smile looked so wrong. Damian couldn't put his finger on it, but didn't like it. It seemed so fake because it was.
There wasn't anything that made him feel like he needed to respect her like the others. Sure, she was Batgirl but only for a few years.
She never helped them with anything. She's never there to help in the first place. In his opinion she wasn't anything more than dead weight.
When insulted there was never an insult thrown back. He can tell when he struck a nerve when her lips move to the right and her eyes slightly harden. Maybe her nose will flare up if he hit hard enough.
Then she just responds with a hum before ignoring him or leaving the room. If she didn't respect herself enough to defend herself then why should he even bother with her.
When the family slowly/is yandere he'll reevaluate his view of y/n. Still thinks she's weak and cannot do anything, but less hateful. Which is a good thing until he's trying to have her attention whenever they're in the same room.
Or when he's digging through all her artwork while Dick is giggling to himself when reading her diary. Finding out their interest in the arts, he's forcing her to paint. Doesn't care if she doesn't like it, they're painting together.
"Why can't you carry your weight around the house? All you do is sit in your room."
"Hm."
"I don't even know why you're still here, Father should have kicked you out after you stopped being useful."
"Mhhm."
"I know you can hear me. You just don't know how to respond because it's true."
"Hmm."
|*|*|*|*|
Dear Diary,
Today my family tried to talk to me.
It was weird.
815 notes · View notes
driaswrld · 6 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
ultraviolence — gojo satoru and geto suguru.
Tumblr media
wc : 3k
summary : suguru coming home was supposed to make things better. but, it's as if everything is going wrong again.
part of : the star paradox collection.
notes : pls read this and this first ty!! LORE DUMP 🤭 mostly from sugu n toru's pov dealing with their new life and the twins along with jujutsu society. reader is trying to be the mediator as always and shoko is the best ofc. just the one where everyone has an existential crisis. (part one of two hopefully)
other : I PROMISE YOU'LL GET FLUFF SOON 😭 mentions of alcohol, blood, smoking obvi, idk why i named this ultraviolence lmao (shit hits the fan in the next tsr im js trying to be kind i promise!)
comment to be added to the tsr taglist!
current cassette : pretty when you cry - lana del rey
Tumblr media
You come home to a house colder than you left it.
There’s a small comfort in the droplets of water that splatter against the wooden floor when you hang your jacket up, having remembered the way the girls beamed up at you only an hour ago as you walked them to school.
The twins were adamant to hold your hands, Mimiko blushing the whole time and Nanako poking fun at it, promising to hold your hand everyday until they became big girls.
Big girls that would only need you to hold their hand halfway — the same way Suguru only walks you and Satoru halfway to the school before heading back.
But the sliver of a chill that reverberates through your bones doesn’t resemble the comfort of a morning’s soft rain drizzle.
“You can’t just dismiss the issue like this, Satoru!”
“Where’s my own will, huh? Can’t I just do this?”
“This isn’t about you.”
You hear everything for a moment, muffled shouts and grumbles from the bathroom.
“Yeah, you’ve made that pretty clear, haven't you?”
Then you hear nothing at all.
Tumblr media
The investigation launched on the ninth day in December.
Suguru had all but been home for a week and then some, settling into the shoddy apartment you and Satoru called home between missions and meetings with Yaga and the higher ups.
It took half a day to move his old things out of the dormitory building, most of what really mattered was already sitting in the hall closet untouched, kept the way Suguru would’ve wanted it.
It was after he rifled through the closet in search of a fresh set of clothes did he realize, he had been mourned.
You and Satoru had mourned him like a mother would a child, like a womb stretched to make space, only to bleed.
His clothes smelled more like the both of you than it did him.
The fourth day, Suguru spent the night hunched over the balcony, smoking a silver blue parliament with Shoko while you and Satoru attended a hearing with the higher ups.
A necessary audience, they defined over the cryptic email.
Shoko described it as a means to an end, Satoru was still the strongest and you were his voice. The meeting was all but a farce to keep you two in check — but Suguru read it clearly for what it was.
A threat.
“He’ll be clan head,” Suguru murmured between plumes of smoke. “They won’t let him turn it down any longer, especially with me around.”
At this, Shoko chuckled, sucking in a sharp breath.
“You think he’ll do it this time?” She asked, somewhere between knowing and not knowing.
The higher ups want Satoru under their thumbs — not that you’d so much as let them come close — that much is evident. But it’s become a lose to win situation.
The guarantee that Suguru and the girls would remain untouched and hidden under the condition that he follows their rules, does it their way, doesn’t ask, doesn’t so much as breathe a word or commit an action using his own strength outside their command—
“Satoru as a lap dog?” Suguru laughs a little.
He just can’t picture it.
What he can picture though is the Six Eyes user backed into a corner, with no other choice but to concede. Then again, Satoru’s never been submissive to authority, no matter the setting.
A beat of silence passes over him and Shoko, and she knows what he’s thinking before he says it, yet she doesn’t caution him otherwise nor does she blame the nicotine.
“He could kill them.” Suguru says, “It wouldn’t take him long.”
Tumblr media
The seventh day, Suguru stands in the middle of one of the many engawa corridors of Jujutsu High, dressed like a teenage dropout, teeth sinking into the inside of his cheeks until crimson stains his tongue.
You told him last night while cuddled into his side, Satoru’s head on his chest, “Walk away from it the right way, Suguru.”
And admittedly, he was going to laugh a little, kiss your cheek and maybe lull you back to sleep and ease your worries.
I don’t resent you,
for the path you chose.
As long as you swear,
yours and ours will converge.
“Geto, what is this?”
Suguru looks down at the sealed envelope he passed to Yaga seconds ago, the word resignation printed in bold atop the sealed flaps.
If he intends to kill himself, he should at least do it the way you asked him to.
He owes you that much.
Suguru never thought of himself to have been in a position where he could live past twenty ; he thought he was lucky Satoru even let him live to see the first snow, even if it was from the bittersweet solitude of the bed you three shared.
“I’ll graduate first,” Suguru says, stuffing his hands in his pants pockets.
For the sake of saving face he took a total of ten missions after his sentence was pardoned.
Five to prove he wasn't a liability to the Jujutsu world, two to hover by your side – he hadn't realized post traumatic stress could manifest in the need for more physical attachment – and three to see up close just how much Satoru had on his shoulders now.
To see just how different Satoru had become because of him.
“And then?” Yaga asks it like a cruel joke that only he and Suguru know.
People are talking. People have been talking.
Suguru Geto the defect. Suguru Geto the cancer of the strongest. Suguru Geto the curse. Suguru Geto—
“Maybe I’ll die of old age.”
I pray death finds me
under you two
in our bed.
If not,
kill me yourselves.
There’s meaning in that too.
Tumblr media
That same afternoon, brandished with what should be newfound freedom – Suguru Geto. Not the sorcerer, not the curse, not the man – he drinks himself sick until he blacks out on the sofa.
Alcohol is cheap at Shinanoya, it’s been that way since he was sixteen and idle in the summer of ‘06, coaxed by Satoru into printing fake IDs, blacking out on the floor of your dorm room and waking up to throw up, just to blackout again.
Suguru took the train back and passed his stop two times.
Two times he thought of two different outcomes and two different destinations.
First, he’d go back to Jujutsu High and take the resignation back from Yaga before he signed it.
He’d call your cellphone, tell you how he's had a change of heart, whisper into the line : “We should celebrate. Me, you and Satoru.”
But you’d know it was a lie.
He still has twisted dreams of waking up in a gas station bathroom in a pool of blood that isn't his own.
Dreams that don't frighten him at all.
Second, it came to him the moment he considered actually getting off at his stop and going back to the apartment.
He’d let the train take him to Shibuya, stand in the middle of the crossing and scream.
People would look at him weird, others would walk by.
And the first monkey to reach out and offer him help, he’d—
“Suguru?”
He wakes with a startle, eyes bloodshot and half lidded.
“Name—” he opens his mouth, half empty vodka bottle tilted over and soaking the carpet. Satoru comes through the door a moment later, leading the twins to the kitchen to set their half eaten bentos down.
A shiver runs down his spine when he glances at the clock above the mantle. 12:53pm.
“School ended half day,” you say to him. Satoru doesn't so much as glance at Suguru when he steps back in to take the plastic bags of takeout from your hands. “They called but you didn't—”
Suguru's already sitting up, fishing through his pockets for his phone and clicking at the buttons.
Two missed calls from Mimiko and Nanako’s school.
Two missed calls from their homeroom teacher, Ms. Aiko.
Four missed calls from you.
One voicemail from Satoru.
“I'm so— shit,” Suguru sets the bottle of alcohol upright, pressing a palm to the carpet to find it damp.
His skin is hot, he feels like a mess, no doubt he looks like a mess with the way you're already kneeling beside him to screw the bottle shut. “I’m so sorry, I didn't— everything with the letter and then the train got delayed—”
“Suguru.” Satoru speaks for the first time, looks at him for the first time – behind bandaged eyes. “Sober up by tomorrow, yeah?”
Your head flits around to give Satoru a stare, as if to ask if that's all he has to say right now. But Suguru’s fingers enclose around your wrist, it’s okay, I was the one at fault.
“Satoru—”
“Just do this one thing right, please.”
The twins’ school dismissed half day due to heavy snow this early in the month. Suguru, listed as the girls’ primary guardian, gets the calls first.
He doesn't pick up.
Your work line rings next, and it goes to voicemail.
In between exorcising a special grade in Shinjuku, you don't hear it ring.
As the devil would have it made and done, Satoru’s line rings while he's at the school. Loud.
“Gojo-san!” The lady from the admin office knocks on the door twice, and is met with silence. The phone rings again, but this time it's the main line. The office extension.
The one he’s been using since he put in his teaching application.
The phone clatters against the desk in robust vibrations, Limitless almost bending the coily cord to nothingness.
The meeting room of four higher ups and two members of the Gojo clan watch him intently, scrutinizing him, waiting.
Beyond his better judgment, Satoru tells himself it's just you, calling to ask if you should bring back kikufuku or just the udon.
Or it's Suguru, who’s confused and can't find one of his things in the apartment and needs some guidance.
Satoru's not a pious person. But he wishes he’d have prayed the moment the call went to the answer machine.
“Good day, Mr. Gojo! I’m calling regarding the girls. School’s been dismissed half day today on account of the weather but Mr. Geto nor Ms. Name are picking up.”
“I’m hoping this reaches you soon so the girls can have a ride home. Thankyou! Stay warm!”
Tumblr media
The eighth day, you wake to the smell of jasmine and hot oil. Four messages from Yaga, one email attached, forwarded to Satoru : Adoption fraud.
“—he hates me.” Suguru mumbles, shirtless and damn near cowering from your gaze, flipping the omelet in the frying pan, two steps away to avoid the oil splatter.
“Don't say that so casually,” you shake your head, shutting the fridge door, setting a carton of milk on the counter. “It's not like you believe that.”
Suguru flips the omelet with one hand on the pan handle, the other flicking the carton open and turning it to his head in a quick gulp.
He doesn't confirm it.
“Suguru—” you smack his arm and take the milk, turning away to rummage through the pantry for the pancake mix.
“I know.”
No, Suguru.
You don't know.
"I try to be patient," Suguru says quietly, shaking his head. "I know we're not sixteen and that this and then are two different things—” He turns the flame down, refusing to look over at you.
“Nobody's asking you to be perfect,” you cut him off, pancake mix forgotten on the counter. “You made a mistake, it happens—”
The higher ups are already breathing down Satoru’s neck about the twins now that they've been found out. It's an uphill battle in the Jujutsu world, your phone won't stop ringing.
Whether it's Yaga proposing damage control to have you and Satoru set apart on missions or another higher up waiting for you to slip up and beg for help, beg to be in their debt.
“I owe you better,” Suguru whispers, more to himself than to you.
He’s never been the type to ask for help or beg for forgiveness or cower at someone's heels. But you saved him — by putting your life on the line and in turn making Satoru cover it up — and he hates himself for it.
I wish
you would've
just let me stay dead.
“Because that's what I deserve? Better?”
Tumblr media
Suguru gets the call from Shoko the next day.
December 9, 2007.
A formal investigation is announced into the involvement of [name] [name] in the case of Suguru Geto’s defection and pardon — alleged charge : fabrication of evidence.
Satoru makes his mind up the same day, sends the twins to stay at the dorms with Shoko for the weekend and brings you and Suguru with him to the Gojo estate.
“I can feel your eyes,” you whisper, seated cross legged on the tatami floor, nursing a cup of tea in your cupped palm.
You've never liked the Gojo estate. Not in winter at least, not when it's like this.
Satoru has his back turned to you, fingering the loose cloth of white bandages covering his eyes, almost hesitant. He recalls his mother's words to him from a few hours ago.
You look tired, Satoru. You're never tired.
There’s an unspoken thing residing here between both your energies and it becomes unbearably evident.
“It’s nothing,” he murmurs, slipping the baby blue haori off his shoulders, draping it over the edge of the bed. “Just the cold getting to me 's all.”
Loose and darkened strands of hair lay on the silk sheets where Suguru sat moments ago. Satoru holds his breath.
My lover’s hair is splitting at the ends, tearing apart at the seams just like me.
I pray you don’t notice.
“Is he okay?”
You set the ceramic cup down on the table, turning your head to glance over at Satoru, who despite himself, wears his emotions like a cardigan knit tight between his brows.
“Why won’t you just ask him, ‘toru?”
He thinks he hates you. He hates not being more like you.
With the way you say these things so easily.
Maybe it’s the deep rooted thrum of Suguru’s cursed energy in his veins, or the bitter taste on his tongue when he wakes in the middle of the night just to see if he’s still here—
Maybe it’s that voice in the back of his head, the instinct pounding on the walls of his heart, telling him this is only for a while, it won’t last.
“You can’t lie to me.” Satoru reasons, bending his knees and folding his body next to yours, wrapping and unwrapping the length of cloth around his fingers over and over again. “But he can.”
Or maybe it’s the way he knows even if Suguru lied to him again, said it was okay, said that he’d stay, said that he’d let you and Satoru be selfish for once and keep him here, keep him tethered to this existence he loathes so much—
“Satoru…”
—he’d believe him.
“You feel it too, don’t you?” He sighs, near breathless.
You lift your hands to cup either side of his face, hooking your thumbs under the pale cloth, unraveling and unraveling and unraveling.
How many more layers?
How many more walls?
How many—
“His energy is restless.” Satoru could find other words to describe it, the aura, the shape of Suguru’s soul, his scent, his being, his whole existence. Something only you could understand.
“It’s pouring into me, and I can’t— I pretend I don’t feel it, that I don’t know that he’s…”
Different.
Suguru is different now, he wants to say.
Suguru’s unhappy with me, unhappy with us.
I can’t give him what he needs.
I was too selfish to have asked him to stay. You were too selfish in saving him.
We were too selfish. Do you think he hates me for it? Do you think he wishes he were—
“He loves you.” You tug on the cloth, let it fall and pool in endless strands around his neck. “Isn’t that reason enough?”
Satoru’s eyes are dim, bleaky sapphire and cerulean staring back at you.
Don’t look at them, look at me, look inside me, my eyes are lying, that’s not how I feel—
“He loves you too,” he says it like a confession, a secret. Love can’t be enough, can it?
Love never stopped Suguru from leaving the first two times.
Love never stopped Satoru from waking up so many nights with tears running down his neck, from where you cried for Suguru in your dreams.
Love never stopped Satoru from not being strong enough to bend the world and stretch it to fit Suguru inside.
Why should you love him whom hates the world so?
Satoru lets his head fall into the crook of your neck, body slumped over yours and breath shaky.
Loving Suguru came as easy as breathing if not easier.
He’d spend nights curled in his bed at the dorms, clicking through photos he’d taken of you three, back then, when it wasn’t anything yet but still everything to him.
“Yaga-sensei, please pair me with someone else!”
“Hah!? We not good enough for you anymore, name?”
“Satoru, name, don’t yell so early in the morning…”
And even from the first mission, when Suguru’s hair was shorter and you hadn’t quite figured out how to control your technique.
When Satoru had to save you from plummeting to your death after you sliced a curse open just for grabbing Suguru and yanking him by his hair.
Satoru thinks, maybe, he came into this world loving you two.
Because he loves me more than all the world.
“I’ll protect you,” he whispers into your neck, full of conviction.
He’s never not the strongest, except maybe when he’s here, in these moments. “I’ll protect the both of you.”
Let me do this one thing,
just this once.
Let me be the one
who holds us together.
---------------------------------------
tsr taglist :
@wishmemel @draecys @pearlvalley @cookielovesbook-akie @astral-hydromancy @celestair @/midnightbluehorizons @plaggi @blue-blossomss
289 notes · View notes
waitimcomingtoo · 1 year
Text
Part Of Your World ~ p.p
pairing: Peter Parker x mermaid!reader
chapter three: out of the sea
series masterlist
Tumblr media
“I need some legs.”
“Excuse me?” Dr. Strange asked as he put down his newspaper to see Peter standing in his doorway.
“Not for me. For my girlfriend. Perhaps you haven’t heard, but I’m dating a mermaid.” Peter shrugged like it was no big deal.
“No, I haven’t heard. I’ve been in Kamer-Taj for the last month. I’m just here to get some things.” Strange said dismissively as he gathered some things and slipped them into his satchel. He brushed past Peter to leave the room, then stopped.
“And by the way, even if I had been living here, I don’t take any particular interest in your personal life. I would like to make that clear.” He reminded Peter before walking away.
“Did you do something new with your hair? It looks amazing. Your hairline didn’t get further down, did it?” Peter laid the flattery on thick as he followed Strange down the hall.
“What do you want?” Strange sighed and stopped.
“I need you to cast a spell and give my mer-girlfriend legs so we can be together.” Peter said and clasped his hands under his chin.
“No.” Strange said immediately and walked away again.
“Please? She’s dreamt of being on land her whole life. There is nothing she has ever wanted more. I promised her I would get her some legs.”
“Well, you should not have have that promise since you have 0 way of fulfilling it.”
“But you do. You can do anything. I’ve seen it. Can’t you give my girl some legs?” Peter pleaded and continued to follow him.
“No. I don’t do favors. And I don’t mess with nature.”
“Please, Strange. She’s in trouble.” Peter begged, making Strange stop.
“What kind of trouble?” He asked and tried not to sound too interested.
“Her dad is super possessive and controlling of her. He’s gonna marry her off to someone she doesn’t love and keep her under the water the rest of her life.”
“She’s a mermaid, kid. She belongs under the water.” Strange reminded him.
“Not this mermaid. She’s always felt out of place down there. She belongs up here. She knows it and I know it. It’s all she’s ever wanted. Haven’t you ever wanted something so desperately that you’d give anything to get it?”
Strange was silent as he pondered Peters question. He thought of Christine and the watch she’d given him. Then he thought of how she looked on her wedding day.
“Bad things happen with you mess with nature. Things you would never see coming.” He said finally.
“I’ve seen you part a puddle so your cape wouldn’t get wet.” Peter pointed out.
“Is her dad really that bad?” Strange asked, knowing he was caught.
“Yes. He won’t let her do anything that makes her happy. He controls every aspect of her life. She has no freedom.” Peter told him. Strange was quiet for a minute and felt a twinge of sympathy for this girl he had never met.
“Fathers shouldn’t reprimand their daughters.” He said quietly. Peter smiled in relief, knowing he’d gotten through to him.
“Will you help her?” Peter asked hopefully, making Strange look at him.
“She really wants this?”
“More than anything.” Peter nodded. “And so do I.”
“Will you ever stop asking if I say no?” Strange asked, already knowing the answer.
“Never.” Peter confirmed. “I’ll be so annoying, you’ll wish you stayed a pile of dust.”
“Fine.” Strange said finally. “I’ll do it.”
“Thank you so much, Strange. You won’t regret this. I swear.” Peter grinned and tightly hugged him.
“It’s fine. Just don’t hug me anymore.” Strange said and wriggled out of the hug.
“I won’t.” Peter promised and quickly let go.
“I guess I can manipulate nature just this once. If your girlfriend wants legs that badly, I can give her some legs.” Strange decided.
“Now, these legs.” Peter began. “Will they come with…”
“Come with what?” Strange asked when Peter trailed off.
“You know, everything?” Peter asked and gestured with his hands.
“Yes. She’ll have toes, thighs, ankles, all of it.” Strange shrugged. “I’m not trying to trick you. I’ll give her legs and everything that comes with them.”
“Everything, though? Like, everything everything?” Peter raised his eyebrows.
“What?” Strange asked, starting to get annoyed.
“He’s trying to ask if she’ll have a coochie or not.” Sam said as he passed them in the hallway. Strange hung his head in disappointment as Peter blushed a deep red.
“Yes, she’ll have the proper anatomy of a biological female.” Strange said as he rubbed his eyes.
“Meaning?” Peter asked for clarification.
“She’ll have a coochie.” Strange said, unamused.
“Awesome.” Peter clapped. “For her. Not me. I really hyped up Charmin Ulta Soft toilet paper.”
“I have to warn you, though. Messing with reality like this can have consequences. I’ve never done this before. I can’t promise you what the outcome will be.” Strange warned.
“As long as I get to be with her, it’ll be okay.”
“All right. I need to perfect the spell first. Give me three days time.”
“Three days time?” Peter whined. “Is there no instant spell we could do?”
“Damn. He really wants that pacific coochie.” Sam said from down the hall. Peter groaned when he realized he was still listening and stamped his feet like a little kid.
“Stop listening! You’d do the same thing if you had a mermaid girlfriend. Which you don’t!” Peter shouted down the hallway.
“Says who?” Sam shouted back, making Peter go silent. Dr. Strange sighed again and shook his head in disbelief that he actually agreed to help Peter.
“So, I’ll see you in three days?” Peter said with a cheeky smile.
“Three days. And then we are taking a long, long break from each other.”
“Deal.” Peter grinned.
Meanwhile, you were in your cavern where you kept all the things you had collected. You were showing one of your sisters, Indira, the things Peter had brought you from the land.
“What’s that?” Indira asked when she noticed the bead bracelet on your wrist.
“Isn’t it neat? Peter calls it a bracelet. He made it himself. He even spelled my name with beads, see?” You smiled proudly and held your wrist out.
“Wow. Just like the humans wear.” She gasped and touched the plastic beads in awe.
“I know. I’ve never seen my name spelled out before. And look what else Peter brought me.” You clapped your hands in excitement before handing her a butter knife that Peter had brought on one of your dates.
“A sharp dinglehopper?” She asked as she took it in her hand.
“Peter said it’s called a “knife”. And apparently, the humans call dinglehoppers “forks”. Isn’t that amazing?” You gushed.
“I’m happy for you, Y/n. This Peter might be the one.” Indira smiled fondly at you.
“I hope so. I think I’m falling in love with him.” You confessed to her.
“But he’s a human. How could it ever work?” She asked as she took your hands.
“I’m not sure yet.” You admitted. “But Peter and I will figure it out. Together.”
“Who’s Peter?” Your fathers voice came booming through your cavern, making you and Indira jump and cling together.
“Daddy! Hi. I didn’t hear you come in.” You faked a smile and held your sister close.
“Who’s Peter?” He repeated as he looked disapprovingly upon your collection.
“No one. Just a merman I met.” You lied.
“I know all the mermaids in our reef. I’ve never heard of a Peter.”
“He’s new. His family just got here from the Atlantic.” You continued to lie as your father examined some of your newest additions. Your collection had grown significantly since meeting Peter and you father could tell.
“Where did you get all this stuff?” He asked, making you gulp.
“I collect things that fall into the water, daddy. You know this.” You played dumb. He grabbed your wrist suddenly and looked at your bracelet.
“Someone dropped a bracelet with your name on it into the water?” He asked skeptically.
“It must be a popular name with the humans.” Indira came to your defense. Your father turned your wrist over and saw that Peters name was also spelled out in beads.
“Peter.” He read off the bracelet.
“Oh, right. I forgot. Peter made this for me.” You laughed nervously.
“Peter had string and beads that spelled out both your names?” Your father asked and tightened his grip on your wrist.
“I had it in my collection. I let him borrow it.” You said quietly and tried to pull your wrist away. Your father threw your arm back at you and swam deeper into your cavern to look at the rest of your collection.
“What is this?” He asked as he held up a little Spiderman keychain Peter had gifted you.
“A keychain, daddy.” You said innocently. Your father tossed it back without a care and moved on. He picked up a laminated piece of paper and scanned the contents of it.
“A love letter?” Your father said in a low voice as he slowly looked up at you.
“Yes, daddy.” You gulped and squeezed Indira’s hand for comfort.
“It’s hard.” He said as he flicked it with his finger. He’s never seen paper before since it wouldn’t last under water, but he knew what it was. Beyond that, he knew there was no way you had just found this at the bottom of the sea.
“It was laminated.” You said quietly. He narrowed his eyes at you, not knowing what that word meant but not wanting to seem weak.
“Don’t use big words like that. You don’t know what they mean.” He sneered at you.
“I do know what it means. It’s when you put a piece of paper in a machine and it covers both sides with a layer is plastic to protect it.”
“And Peter did this?” He asked when he saw Peters name at the bottom.
“Yes, daddy.” You said with less confidence this time.
“Under the sea?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Yes?” You squeaked out, knowing he didn’t believe you.
“You’re lying to me. This is from a human, isn’t it? All of this is from a human.” Your father bellowed as he used his trident to smash parts of your collection.
“Daddy, no! My collection.” You cried out and tried to stop him from breaking anything else. You’d spent your whole life building your collection. It was all you had in the world. Watching him destroy it in a seconds felt like your heart was being ripped from your chest.
“I am so sick of your obsession with the humans. This is all human garbage. I won’t tolerate it anymore.” He shouted as he continued to break your prized possessions.
“No!” You cried and caught whatever was floating around you.
“Humans killed your mother. They will kill you too.” Your father screamed at you.
“Good! I’d rather be dead than live down here in this prison.” You screamed back at him.
“When I find this Peter, he will feel the wrath of Titans mighty trident.” He threatened and swung his trident at you. You quickly swam away from it as Indira swam away scared.
“But daddy, I love him!” You professed.
“You can’t love a human. I’ll be arranging your marriage to one of the mermen in the reef straight away. And believe this. You will never go to the surface again. You will never go so much as out of my sight. And you will never, ever see Peter again.”
“You can’t keep me from him. I love him. That’s my choice.” You stated firmly.
“Who do you think you are? You don’t get to make your own decisions. You’re not smart enough to. I make the choices around here. And I choose to forbid you from ever speaking of the humans again.” He shouted as he smashed the rest of your collection. You cried as you watched your life’s work get destroyed to pieces that floated around you. Once he was done, he grabbed the knife Peter had given you and swam towards you.
“Daddy, what are you doing?” You asked as you swam upwards.
“If you can’t keep quiet, I will keep you quiet.” He said and reached out it grab you. You dodged him and started to swim upwards as quickly as you could. He grabbed onto your tail but you quickly spun around and got loose. You smacked him with a flick of your tail and swam off in a blur. Since you explored often, you were able to lose him by swimming through every nook and cranny you’d discovered on your adventures. You could hear him swimming after you but never looked back. You darted and zig zagged until you were sure you lost him. You swam all the way to yours and Peters rock and hopped up on it just as Peter was swinging over. When he saw you already sitting there, he got worried that something was wrong. He landed and kissed you hello, making you burst into tears. He held you close and rubbed your back until you calmed down enough to speak.
“Hey, hey, hey. What happened? It’s okay, darling. It’s okay.” He said as he wiped your face.
“My dad knows about us. He’s already destroyed my collection. If he finds me, he’s gonna clip my tail and cut out my tongue. I’ll never see you again.” You cried against his shoulder.
“Don’t worry. I won’t let that happen. No one’s gonna hurt you, baby. I won’t let them.” Peter assured you.
“If we want to be together, we have to run away. Now. Were you able to talk to your people about getting me legs?” You asked and gripped his shirt.
“I was. But my sorcerer friend said he needs three days time.”
“Three days time?” You sighed.
“That was my exact reaction.”
“I don’t have three days. I need to get out of here now.” You gulped and looked around for your father or any of his men that may have followed you.
“I’m gonna swim back to shore. Wait for me there, okay?” Peter said as a half baked idea came to him.
“What’s the plan, Peter?” You asked him. Peter cupped your face and pulled you into a long kiss.
“The plan is I return the favor and rescue you.” He said once he pulled away.
“I like that plan.” You smiled softly. Peter kissed you one last time and then dove into the water. He swam until he reached rocks that he could swing off of off to get himself back to shore. By the time he got there, you were waiting in a bed of seaweed that concealed your tail. You’d never been this close to the shore before and it almost made you forget the situation you were in. Once Peter landed, he scooped you up and carried you to the beach.
“Why are you so heavy?” He groaned and struggled to run on the sand.
“I’m a human sized fish.” You reminded him.
“Oh. Right.” Peter realized and continued to carry you up the beach. Luckily, the sun had set and no one was around for miles so you didn’t have to worry about being seen. Peter was focused on getting you to his apartment without being seen, but you were focused on the world around you.
“My first time on land.” You whispered to yourself as you took in absolutely everything around you. The sand, the lights from the cityscape in front of you, the salty breeze, and the sound of seagulls in the distance filled you with the greatest joy you’d ever known. Peter noticed you looking around in amazement and stopped to give you a chance to see it all.
“Do you like it?” He asked, catching your attention.
“I’ve spent my whole life in the ocean. I’ve never been on the beach.” You sighed dreamily and looked around again.
“I’ll take you back one day. But first, you need your legs.”
You grinned and nodded your head as Peter continued walking. He carried you to the street and started running in the direction of his apartment. Since he needed two arms to carry you, he couldn’t use his webs.
“Are you sure you’ll be able to carry me all the way to your house?” You feared as he ran through the back streets of the city with you.
“I’m super human, remember? I got you, girl.” He said suavely.
“Okay.” You sighed happily and rested your head on his shoulder. Luckily, Peter didn’t live too far from the beach and was able to get you back to his apartment within 20 minutes.
“Okay. We’re here.” Peter said you arrived.
“This is where you live? It’s huge.” You gasped and looked at a building for the first time.
“You’re impressed by this? Wow. You really don’t know much about the above world.” Peter said out of the corner of his mouth.
“How will we get in?” You asked him.
“Great question. How am I gonna get a mermaid into my apartment without May seeing?” Peter chewed his lips and tried to think.
“Oh right. I can climb walls.” He remembered. He carefully maneuvered you around his body so that you could wrap your arms around his neck while he climbed the side of his building. It wasn’t safe to swing with you like that, but a quick climb felt okay. Once he got to his window, he opened it and threw you inside. You bounced off his bed and rolled onto the floor with a heavy thud. Peter quickly shut his window and was about to apologize when you sat up with the biggest smile.
“Your floor has hair!” You gasped and rubbed your hand on his carpet.
“That’s called the carpet, darling. And I wouldn’t touch it too much. There’s about a thousand Dorito crumbs in there.”
“What’s this?” You asked and patted his bed. Peter scooped you up and laid you down on his bed before explaining.
“This is called a bed. It’s where I sleep at night. Do mermaids sleep or are you guys like sharks?”
“We sleep. Usually on a pile of seaweed. Nothing like this thing.” You said as you rubbed your hands up and down his bed. You winced suddenly and rubbed your waist where your tail met your skin.
“Are you okay?” Peter worried.
“Sorry. My tail gets itchy and tight when I’m dry for too long.” You winced again and shifted uncomfortably.
“Oh, shoot. Let me run you a bath.” Peter said and quickly went into his attached bathroom. He waited for the water to get warm and then went to go get you. When he came back into his room, he found you chewing something.
“Um, sweetness, what’s in your mouth?” Peter asked calmly. You shrugged and held up a stick of deodorant with a bite taken out of it.
“Candy. Like the Sour Path Kids.” You said through a mouth full of deodorant.
“Oh God. Oh no. Okay. Let’s put that down.” Peter smiled sweetly and took the deodorant from your hands.
“Just one more bite.” You whined and tried to hold on to it.
“I’ll get you some real food once you’re in the bath.” Peter promised as he scooped you up off his bed. He carried you into the bathroom and gently put you in his bathtub.
“Okay. Stay here. I’ll go get you some food.”
“I can’t really go anywhere else.” You reminded him as you flicked your tail up and down.
“Right. Sorry.” He smiled tightly. He felt guilty when he looked at you in his tiny bathroom knowing you were used to swimming in the open ocean. He left the bathroom and soon returned with some of your favorites foods. He sat on the bathroom floor with you and ate while Peter explained all the things in his bathroom.
“I’m just so happy you’re here.” Peter said as he slipped his hand into yours.
“Me too. I’m finally on land!” You gushed and looked around Peters bathroom. It wasn’t exactly what you imagined for you first time on land, but it was still something you never thought you’d get to experience.
“And I’m with you. That’s the best part.” You turned back to Peter and squeezed his hand. Peter squeezed yours back before kissing your knuckles.
“You’re safe now.” He promised you. “And all we have to do is keep you hidden from my aunt for the next three days. Then you’ll get your legs and we can live like a normal couple.”
“Easy.” You smiled. “How hard could that be?”
🌊🌊🌊
Tag list 🧜‍♀️
@hallecarey1 @melodicheauxxlovesfood @milktealvrr @cashtons-wife
@hollandweather @fanfictioniseverything @marauders3 @preciousbabypeter @beau-the-frog0
@1-800-call-ria @justsomerandomfanfic @un06 @miwagila @dessxoxsworld
@venuslayla23-blog @a-goala @z3tabyte @parkersgirly
@pixiexdusts-world @wvndavwsion @meowkid1000 @betzabobababi
@boxdisappeared @lnmp89 @anarchistsons @zerodotzer0 @etheriaaly @hufflepuff-n-fluff
@espressopatronum454 @brittney69 @everythingabby101
588 notes · View notes
hollyhomburg · 1 year
Text
Before I Leave You (Pt.52)
(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)
Summary: Jimin and Jungkook might not be the /best/ at giving you aftercare, but what they lack in execution they make up for in sheer determination. Sometimes, love is the best medicine.
Tags: Sub drop, Angst, Self-deprecating thoughts, Self-esteem issues, Hurt, comfort, Tears, sex scene Negotiations, vibrators, voyeurism, pleasure-dom jimin, pillow princess m/c, discussions of past sexual and physical abuse (nothing that i don’t believe hasn’t been touched on prior), mentions of death, medical stuff, 
W/c: 8.6k
A/n: Ah, this is a chapter, am i the most proud of it? no. but thats okay! i hope people will like the hurt/comfort! i think i needed to write something like this for bily. i know bily is long but! this is probably one of the most intimate chapters i’ve written so i like it for that fact, and all the subtext in it! 
Previous Chapter - Masterlist
Tumblr media
Yoongi’s not waiting in the house for you when you get back from the gym. He’s not even waiting on the porch. No- he’s on the street, eyes frantic and flannel misbuttoned like he’s been listening for the grumble screech of Jimin’s car. Like he started walking down the street the second he heard it.
He hardly even wants to wait for it to thud to a halt. The smell of metal and gasoline gunks up your stuffy nose, keeping you from scenting him. His hands are so soft on you when he makes to pull you out of the car and Jungkook’s lap although the omega clings to you. A half-affronted noise leaves his throat. bereft as you’re transferred from one packmate to another.
But Jungkook would never deny Yoongi this.
Your mates’ hands shake, trembling when they cup the back of your neck. “Oh- my little sweetheart- I’ve got you- I’ve got you-”
Truer words have never been spoken. He effortlessly lifts you out of the car and into his arms. You’re little more than a puppet, a doll underneath your mates’ hands as you reach for him and are rewarded.
Your nose feels rubbed raw either from the scents of everyone at the gym or your own sobs that tear through your throat. The sound is as rough as sandpaper and as quiet as the pea gravel that clinks against their sneakers as they ferry you into the house. But the soothing smell of chocolate feels like pure relief when he tucks your face into his throat.
Jimin leaves his car parked cockeyed in favor of shooting out of it to usher you and Yoongi inside, hand on your back. Jungkook’s close behind. Big hand closing around the tips of your fingers.
There has never been a prettier safer house than your and Yoongi’s home. Finally- you can smell your packmates, and it’s that alone that starts your comedown. You finally feel a little bit safe. Here where evidence of the people who live and love you clings to the floorboards and the strawberry-patterned tea cloths. and push away dangerous ideas that hover on the edge of your consciousness like vultures. 
Here you go, making a big deal out of nothing again. Here you go making them love you less. You should accept your alphas criticism without all this fanfair- what kind of omega can’t handle such a simple correction? Geumjae would have hit you harder and you wouldn’t have been nearly as upset. You should punish yourself more to make up for it-
You barely remember the moments you spent leaving the gym; Memories strung together like mismatched socks on a close line.
A face you don’t know well enough to recognize yet- Wonho maybe. “I told you to make sure she didn’t hurt herself kook” “It’s not that kind of hurt hyung.”
Jimin’s barely leashed growl as he came too close. Too threatening and forghein to Jimin's grating senses. There is nothing more dangerous to an alpha than a strange not-packmate coming close to a distressed omega.
He was ready to flatten Wonho, But luckily he didn't have to. Hopefully the other omega won’t hold it against you later.
You remember Jungkook getting you into the back of the car. Wrapping his arms around your back when you curled up as tight as possible. You remember Jungkook telling Jimin to drive fast. His cheek laid over your shoulder, already trying to cuddle the sadness away.
You remember lurching into motion before Jimin could even touch the gas pedal. Frantic, shaking your head. Begging him not to. Shaking so hard you could hardly see.
He’d kept you at a reasonable speed even though his whole body was trembling too. Eyes more on the rearview mirror and you and Jungkook in the back seat than on the road. 
You’re still shaking. It doesn’t stop when Yoongi puts you into Jin and Jungkook’s nest. Jungkook immediately begins to fluff the covers. Pulling items closer to you that the other omega deems of particular comfort; Namjoon’s favorite pillow. Hobi’s sweatshirt. Jin’s favorite yellow blanket; the mustard yellow companion to your thick blue duvet that's in the other room. 
Even as Yoongi gets you situated, whipping away your tears with his sleeve and clutching you close. Like if he just keeps your head tucked below his chin then nothing bad can happen to you.
Jimin pulls back the covers so that you and Yoongi can get in and when you do-
The fluff of it is safe, blissfully so. 
A safe little cavern of warmth and softness and pack that your mate places you into. You’re still crying, still curled up as tight as you can. But the reverence with which they treat your curled form is almost enough for the bleak nameless awfulness to leak out and warmth to take its place. Jungkook tugs himself along your spine and Yoongi teeters, one knee in the nest. Jimin darts out the door, clearly having something else in mind.
Jungkook looks up at Yoongi. “She needs-“ 
“Chocolate,” your mate says. Every Dom is well acquainted with the tiny bundles of serotonin found in gold foil, as holy and easily given as communion. Subs always get chocolate after a scene. It's one of Yoongi's rules. It even applies to Jungkook. Even when it might trigger a seizure. The pack has learned that certain things are worth the compromise.
A drop is something that they’ve all felt at one point- Dom drop too although that predicament is substantially less common. But Jungkook has never witnessed anyone drop quite this bad. (You’re still crying so hard. Hard enough that there’s a knot building in Jungkook’s own chest). He's never been in the position to take charge and take care of them the way the others might. 
Now- he wants to do more than that. He wants to be the first one you turn to for comfort, the one in control of getting you back to normal. 
“And water-“ 
Jungkook’s fluffy hair flops as he shakes his head, “not water-“
“Lemonade?” Jungkook nods, pout disappearing as Yoongi is properly ordered about.  
The basket that Jimin carries is nearly as tall as his torso and twice as wide, packed several inches higher with mismatched blankets and soft things. Filled to the brim with every last nesting blanket that the pack keeps in the hallway closet. He places it on the edge of the bed softly so as to not startle you and then-
Promptly dumps it out on top of you.
Light filters down past cotton and soft down feathers, obscuring Jimin and the sound of his voice, muffled by the layers and layers of fabric. “I put the big one in the drier, it should be warm in a few minutes.” Jungkook behind you fidgets happily, the small murrr he lets out ascent and praise enough as he begins to fuss and build a nest around you. The walls higher, safer. 
Jungkook, Jimin, and Yoongi operate as a perfectly oiled machine. Yoongi goes to get you food and Jimin replaces him. As pitiful as you might be, as pathetic as you might look (sniffling, face all blotchy and hot feeling underneath their touch) You have never been in better hands as Jimin settles you.
An alpha, omega, and beta a piece- it’s almost as good as your whole pack.
Jungkook falls into a purring nesting fury as you sniffle. Fluffing the nesting things around you until you resemble some sort of cozy flower. Each of the blankets is a careful petal placed just so, keeping you safe and snug inside until you're ready to bloom.
Jimin shucks off his sweatshirt, his arms are warm and fuzzy underneath your nose as he holds himself close but not too close.
Alphas. You’re sensitive to them- are you not? Can your fractious brain recognize that Jimin’s not a threat? Worry gnaws at his wrists. Nests are meant to be the safest place for omega’s. While this one isn’t yours technically, still-
Jimin will understand if he’s not the person you want to comfort you through this.
You’ve never seen Jimin this timid as he sets one hand on your head, rubbing through, a comforting growl tugging from his chest- keeping a little bit of a distance between you in case you’re not ready for it and-
And you don’t want it. You don’t want a single inch between you.
You want him wrapped around you so tight that you can’t tell where your body begins and his ends. You want him to want to hold you like he needs you. You want him to hold you like you could never do anything wrong because you know how far from the truth that is.
Everytime this happens you wonder if this is the time they decide that you're too much to handle. If this is the meltdown that will estrange them from you.
What request could it be that might tip the scale out of your favor? What is too much love when compared to not enough? Don't both leave a sour taste in your mouth? Namjoon and Hobi last night is only part of it- they're only part of what you’re guilty of.
But Jimin, hovering over you, is the one person who might share your fate.
The sheer terror that the truth will poison the ones you love. the idea that everything you have is only one truth away from disappearing. He at least- can understand what this particular kind of regret and fear feels like.
But It’s okay. It’s okay because Jimin probably doesn’t want to hug you anyways. You don’t want affection if it’s forced. The best you can do is hope not to be a burden, Jimin is probably at the end of his rope with you- always trailing after him and Tae.
You quake beneath his sky touches; petting down your hair and cupping your wet cheek to wipe away the fresh wetness. Your lower lip trembling, face crumbling again. He's being painfully gentle, not hard and anchoring like you want him to be.
Jimin’s shaking with the effort of holding himself back. Jimin has always been able to subvert his needs for his packmates just like you. But his leash on himself is tightly pulled right now. 
Luckily Jungkook notices the reason for your shaking. A keen builds in your throat. Your omega reacting to Jimin’s presence without your say so. You're two seconds away from letting out an embarrassingly needy chirp when He pokes his head up out of the blanket, glaring at Jimin-
“Minnie- I swear to god if you don’t hug her right fucking now-“
No sooner has the order been given than Jimin is crushing you. All the hard and pretty edges of him cradling you into being. Your knees pressed to his knees, the rumble of his growl pressed to the top of your head and the feeling of him inhaling pressing to your chest. Strong arms around your shoulders. 
Jungkook pulls his body back along your back, your behind nestled in the cradle of his hips. Until you're completely covered by the both of them, any spare inch not cuddled and touched and loved is protected by the blankets too.
Your breath still isn’t coming right and you’re still crying so hard that your ears hurt. So hard that it feels like the skin of your face is hot underneath the tears, you know it must be the most unattractive thing in the universe. And yet-
And yet Jimin nuzzles into the side of your face. Fingers tickling your collarbones, “Breathe in for me.”  A simple command. You follow it, chest inhaling, pushing against Jimin’s palm. “Again.”
It’s easy to breathe because he wants you to. And only because Jimin wants it. You’re good aren’t you good.
“Good pup” You sag against him, and he soothes you with more of that, endless grumble growls of “good puppy, such a good omega for us, doing so well.” Falling from his lips.
“Jesus” Yoongi says when he comes into the room and finds the nest a mess, the pile of blankets arranged on top of the three of you. Nothing more than air holes and misplaced limbs that let him know the configuration of your bodies. It’s hard for him to muscle his way in, but he plucks a pillow from the side and is rewarded by Jungkook’s face and the top of your head ruffled from Jimin’s copious scent as he drags his cheek up and down.  Jungkook whines petulantly at being discovered.
“Alright, up. I know you want to smother her but she needs chocolate and shit.”
Yoongi would be worried, more insistent that he be wrapped around you too- but your scent is slowly mellowing. The tense tugging down his mating bond doesn’t feel quite so taught. (At least not like it did earlier when he was finishing the drawer knobs upstairs. Your dropping felt like someone dragging their nails down the nape of his neck. Like the drop in temperature before a storm or a plunge on a rollercoaster. The lurch when your feet misplace a step).
He’d known before Jungkook called.
Despite all the love you can’t seem to stop crying. At least it’s gentler now. Jimin kisses your wet cheeks. Your tears living and dying on his mouth as he kisses each one away diligently. And then the feeling of his warm tongue, darting out kittenish as he cleans your face free of the memory of sadness with soft small licks.
It’s a little wet and a little gross, but Jimin’s hair tickles your forehead, nose nudging yours as he works. It's not exactly grooming per say but close enough. The soothing rumble growl of his chest sends you down and down. Turning your sobs to sniffles.
“Open up sweetheart” Eyelashes fluttering, Your chin gets nudged up by Yoongi’s hands. His fingers gently pinch your cheeks and guide your mouth to fall open obediently. Yoongi places a small piece of chocolate on your tongue, the inch squares broken in half then half again. A big cup and straw with icy lemonade soothes your hot throat. Jimin’s soft licks continue when your mouth is occupied, licks that grow into hungry kisses when he finds a bit of chocolate on the corner of your mouth and licks there.
Jungkook looks as stern as you’ve ever seen him, holding the lemonade cup threateningly. “You’re going to stay right here, you’re going to let us love you until you don’t feel so shitty, and only then- will we let you out of the nest, okay? Pack's orders.”
Yoongi jostles Jimin and the alpha pulls himself a little more on top of you to give him an inch edgewise. Feilding complaints of “you know I get supreme cuddle priority where this is concerned.” He grumbles, but lets your mate manhandle you until you’re placed gently on top of his chest. (If this is what babying by three separate packmates is like- you can’t imagine what it would feel like from all seven.)
You try to duck back below of the edge of the covers but Jungkook doesn’t let you, making a soft noise and bending over to kiss at the corner of your mouth. “Why does Minnie get to lick all the chocolate-“
“Oh, be quiet kookie” Yoongi’s finger hooks into his mouth- shoving a bigger piece that he crunches on through his laughs.
Another square. Another sip. They don’t make you talk, but soon all you want is another kiss. Jimin’s lips work on your throat nudging pleasant pheromones from your scent gland and cleaning you of the grainy film of sadness. While Jungkook and Yoongi trade your mouth between the two of them. 
Jungkook’s tongue tastes like chocolate, just like Yoongi’s. It’s dizzying and slowly gets hotter as your bodies warm up the nest. Jimin's hands slide up your ribcage, holding you in place as he laps at your throat. Leaving your scent gland pink and sensitive and utterly normal smelling under his mouth.
Every chocolate square earns you another kiss until you’ve almost eaten the whole bar. “You’re going to make my lips chapped.” Jungkook hums through another kiss but recognizes that it’s a wet confession. You’re still sniffling.  
“Too bad. It's what you deserve.” He says matter of factly, swallowing your protest with another kiss. Yoongi makes a sound in agreement. do I though? Do I really? Isn’t this all just- not allowed? Not for me? Am I really worth all this. “I can hear you doubting us you know-” Jungkook pushes. 
Yoongi’s fingers massage down your tense neck and you tuck your face into his shoulder. Your mate sighs, and you thank god or whatever force above that Yoongi's never been one to challenge you the way that Jungkook does.
“Can we just go back to kissing if you’re going to psychoanalyze me?”
Jungkook doesn't let you hide, turning your cheeks up at him “You deserve every bit of this, and every bit of babying the others are going to give you when they come home-“ you gulp, but try and twist your face out of his hands.
"Kookie-" your mate eases.
But they won't just let you stew, content to kiss away your sadness. If that was ever a thing might happen their mouths could do it. Jungkook’s with his cute little mole. Jimin’s that are so plush you half expect each kiss to come with a squeaky toy noise. And your mate's kisses, slow and lingering working you over until your scent goes sweet and heavy.
 You hardly have enough time to breathe between one mouth and the next.
Your breathless "fuck" gets swallowed between Jungkook's huff and Jimin's insistent growl. he’s so grumbly when he kisses, each press of his lips earning another possessive rumble. Comforting kisses and hot kisses and every type of kiss in between. Unhurried in their intent of taking you apart and putting you back together.
You don't know how long they spend kissing you but it feels like hours.
The need between your thighs builds with every kiss. The hunger sensitivity hotness of arousal carefully cultivated by their mouths and nothing else. you’ve never been someone who had a particular weakness for kisses but maybe it’s just getting passed around that has you riled up so fast. the smell of buttery baked slick eventually nudges your nose. They’re so close, so hot pressed around you. You can feel Jungkook’s rapid heartbeat against your back.
Yoongi's hand massages closer and closer to the nape of your neck not a scruff, but not not a scruff either. Jimin is not content to wait while you kiss, Jungkook delicately licks into your mouth, almost lapping at the seam of your lips. it’s messy and primal and you feel yourself clench around nothing when he sucks on your lip. Just in time with Jimin dragging his lips up and down your scent gland, hot and clean under his touch. 
Sometimes- sometimes soft sex is the best sort of aftercare. Especially after the doms are particularly rough. From what Yoongi knows of your scene last night (Namjoon and Jin gave him a rundown) neither you nor Hobi got to cum last night.
Maybe that's what you need. Like this. So soft and gentle that you hardly have to lift a finger.
Jungkook settles for man-handling your lower half, tangling your legs, and nesting his between yours. Squirming close enough for the apex of your legs to touch his thigh. Dragging along the thickness. not exactly sexual given you're both clothed and yet-
Yoongi catches his hands. Sensing your discontent before you shift, not entirely uninterested but-
You have three packmates in front of you and you'd have a hard time even pleasing one of them right now with how tired you feel.
jimins hands start to linger along the hem of your shirt but you catch them and pull back, Fingers pressing gently, tentatively giving your bodies some space. Eyes darting away from him, unable to meet his eyes.
“I think- I’m still a little sore from-” from Tae’s knotting, almost four days ago now. Your body still hasn’t healed itself completely. The skin deep ache is still there when you move. Not to mention the tenderness on your backside from Namjoon. There's still evidence of her, barely there bruises from her mouth poking up over your hip where your shirt has gotten rucked up from Jungkook's fingers gentle and explorative.
Don’t make me say no to you right now. Please don’t make me disappoint you.  I don’t think I’d be able to say no right now if I wanted to. I don’t think I’m able to not to give you every inch of me. 
Your memory fractures, hurtling you into another moment, another lifetime.
In the backseat of a fancy car after a dinner during which you hadn’t been able to keep from crying. You couldn’t help it, it just hurt so bad sitting after the night before. You were so sore then- not sore just- in pain just sitting there.
It was one of the first nights he’d ever been overly rough with you. Rough enough that you’d found yourself too hurt for any more. But Geumjae hadn't wanted to hear it. You remember Geumjae cupping the back of your head just as gently, urging you down toward his crotch. The chauffeur in the front seat put up the partition.
“There is one way you can make it up to me. I know you’re upset that you made me angry. But you have to remember if I’m happy you’re happy right?” 
Right?
Jungkook and Yoongi take your answer for what it is. The kisses get slower, more pecks. But Jimin- Jimin is still eyeing you precariously. He notes the darkness in your eyes, the place you go to that's small and dark and scary.
"If you’re saying that because you think this has to involve a knot- then you’re wrong. It doesn’t. I was just going to-” he trails off, waiting and watching. You shift backing up right into Jungkook who promptly loops his arms around your middle.
“Doesn’t it?” You ask carefully. Still very unsure and very worried. “You can’t exactly like- fuck the sad out of me any other way. Can you?”
You don’t mean it to sound like a challenge but it’s clear something in Jimin takes it like that by the way he bristles. something in Jungkook too. His hands are still on you, still on your stomach. Stroking gentle circles that go hard with your words.
“Not at all."
"Do you think we have all those sex toys for decoration?"
You shrink, and Jungkook nuzzle sweetly. Yoongi cautions, unsure. "Guys-"
But Jimin is never one to back down. Pressuring you is the last thing he wants to do but he just wants to understand why. When he can so clearly smell that you're interested- why are you refusing?
There's something about seeing you so sad, so small and unsure like you just were that makes him itch.
He nudges the side of his face with his nose. “If you don’t want to cum then you don’t, that’s all I was implying. Nothing reciprocal- this isn’t about making us happy.”
Happy
You toy with the front of his shirt, something in your stomach lurching. You don't know if you can believe what Jimin says but- Jimin is honest. When you pull back to search his eyes there’s nothing there that betrays the truth. 
“I don’t want to just like- get off while you guys watch, that hardly seems fair- that hardly seems- right.”
Don’t let me take more from you- because I will take too much from you if you let me. I don’t want to feel selfish on top of feeling like I’m not enough. I should be offering the same to you for fucking up your afternoon.
Jimin darts forward, pressing his mouth to yours, in a brief hot way, speaking with his body when his words just won't align. When he pulls back he doesn't leave you entirely, keeping his forehead pressed to yours.
“Say no. Say no and we’ll drop it and I promise we’ll just cuddle but- do you trust me?”
“Yes” you answer, because you do- you think you might always trust Jimin. Despite what happened before you knew Yoongi and the whole pack. Despite everything that’s happened since. Jimin has always proven himself with his love, a selfless love.
He was the first one after Yoongi who bandaged your cuts and kissed your burns and bruises, all those months ago. Back when you had nothing to offer him, not even your words. You can trust the medicine he prescribes. There was nothing in it for him then, no reason that he had to care for you.
“You promise you won’t like- get angry if it's just me? If I don't want to reciprocate?” You tentatively trail off, you don't want to be too articulate with it but you have to know. 
Jimin’s eyes darken ever so slightly, but you don’t find any of that anger in his answer. None of it- directed at you. “Of course, I won’t. I’d never do that. None of us would ever get angry at you for that.”
You watch Jimin for one more moment, hiccuping and Sniffly. You duck jimin’s intense gaze shyly. "You don't have to," you say weakly, giving them one last chance to change their minds, interest stirring anew as Jungkook sucks down the column of your throat. Your scent spiking again- comforted and consenting.
"Just shut up and let us take care of you" Jungkook gets a nip for that one.
Yoongi leaves the nest at Jimin’s urging to choose something you might like from the boxes in the closet. “Oh! Get the pink one with the-” Jungkook orders. but Yoongi pauses in the doorway to look back and watch you. You’ve gone back to exchanging soft kisses. 
The Yoongi of many months ago would have intervened before Jimin could even ask the question before he could even press you. But now- something in him feels nearly settled while he watches you snuggled down between the two of them. 
In another world; where you and Jimin and Jungkook and Tae had met before Yoongi and the rest had. He thinks you'd have done well together. That you’d have fallen in love or into something- regardless of him. The idea of it is both comforting and scary. 
Yoongi comes back, and you barely catch the flash of pink as you recline against Jungkook’s chest. As Jimin slides your pants down your hips, pulling back the blanket so he can slide them off your feet.
The kisses keep coming, and you don’t know where to put your hands, they end up hovering in front of you awkwardly- unknowing if you should touch Jimin or if that would be too much.
Jimin holds his hand out expectantly for it, and Yoongi hands it over with a quiet huff. Alphas and their possessiveness. Trust Jimin to be possessive of your pleasure.
The head of the vibrator is already warm. Jimin is considerate that way and warms it up between the palms of his hands before he begins. Your mate keeps trading you for kisses, pressing the occasional peck to jungkook’s forehead or cheek. both of them keep you distracted, and prevent you from getting anxious as jimin intently bunches your panties to the side (the fabric damp enough that it wets jimin’s fingers). But Jimin is too focused to kiss you too, too insistent that he be the one to hold the vibrator.
You don't even have to lift a finger. Is this what he meant when he said he wanted to turn you into a pillow princess all those weeks ago?
It’s gentle, you’re too distracted with kissing them as Jimin presses it to your clit. He does it softly but even so, the gentle first touch of it buzzing against you has you jerking.
Yoongi lets out a soft noise, hands going to your hips as you squeak, keeping you still underneath the covers. Everything is warm and hidden and gentle. The only disturbance is your breathing getting heavier, and Jungkook asking Yoongi for a little bit of chocolate. 
It's so casual you would hardly assume from their behavior that there was anything lewd happening under the covers. Jimin starts on the lowest setting, slowly cranking it up as the minutes go on. Hooking your thigh to the side so that the folds of your pussy can better part around the head of it. Watching you intently, pulling it away to watch your clit twitch. 
Fuck, he thinks, tae wasn’t lying when she said you were cute. It’s been long enough from the time in Jimin’s car that he’d almost forgotten how wet you get and yet. The head of the vibrator glistens, and he licks his lips when he realizes the wet patch you’re leaving on Jungkook’s thigh. 
Jungkook watches you as he eats the chocolate, smiling down at you when your eyelashes flutter. He hopes it feels good, you feeling good is something he wants all the time. He keeps the chocolate on his tongue, letting it get melty and gooey before he kisses you again.
Jungkook doesn’t stop kissing you, working your mouth with his, letting the chocolate melt into the seam of your mouth keeping you occupied while Jimin takes you apart. Both of Yoongi's hands cup your hips, urging you into a gentle grind. He's doing all the work really, nudging your hips in the direction of Jimin’s hands. Holding you still when you start to twitch.
You're so worked up from your kisses, from the spanking last night where you never got to cum, and the fact that the last time you did was with Tae and Yoongi almost 5 days ago now- that it comes quicker than you thought it would.
Your orgasm is such a gentle thing, further urged on by Jungkook’s hot mouth running down the column of your throat and Yoongi’s pleased grumble. Quiet moans that become stilted as your toes curl, stretching. 
"There you go sweetheart, just like that-" Jimin growls, pressing the head of the vibrator to you with slightly more force. Making your tummy clench up under his hand where he presses. keeping you pinned exactly where he wants you.
Jimin keeps the vibrator pressed to your clit just long enough before you’re squirming away. Jungkook- the little fucker- actually has the audacity to laugh, looking down at the bottom of the nest, where it’s been disturbed by your moving.
“You know- I never noticed it before, but you kind of stretch your toes like noodle does- you know when he’s stretching in the sun, toes all splayed- when you cum.”
Your mate actually laughs at that, so does Jimin- his chest shaking under your cheek as you hide.  “It’s kind of stupidly cute.”
“Shut up” you hiss, but there's no heat behind it as Jimin detangles the vibrator from the nest and hands it over to your mate. Yoongi promptly shoves it into the bedside drawer, out of sight and out of mind.
Jimin sets your thigh back down easily, placing your your panties back in place with a soft tap that has you jerking again. Your soft whimper is soothed by him and Yoongi as your body goes boneless and your mind goes quiet. jungkook re-tucks the nest around you but you don't think you could move from it if you tried, every ounce of energy worn out of it from crying and cumming.
Coming down is so easy, it’s like nothing happened at all only that you're utterly boneless now, with no tenseness left in your tired body. Sex and intimacy and these moments tangled together just like this nest. They don't smell angry at all if anything Jimin's scent fluffs out thicker and more satisfied than before.
Vanilla, chocolate, and honey. All satisfied and sweet thick. The three of them smell so nice together. It has your own scent spiking wildly. You sleepily drag your cheek up Jimin’s throat, hoping it means you'll smell like him later. You hope Jin doesn't mind, that Hobi doesn't mind- the nest is probably going to smell like you for days.  
You're willing to admit that you do feel more clear headed now, although the need to be close re-surges. The need for reassurance spiking and unlike last night Jimin is right there. Yoongi is too. Jungkook- yawning and shriveling his nose cutely.  Everyone has it in their mind for a nap and yet-
Yoongi’s hands comb through your hair, tucking it away from your face, playing with the little baby hairs you have at your temples. The same ones he always tugs, that he loves. Even though he’s never verbally said that he likes them.
“Do you know why you dropped sweetheart? Do you have any idea why? so that we can try and not do it next time?”
“No” you sink lower below the covers. But even they sense that it’s a lie. “Namjoon’s not going to be angry at me? For dropping? When he gets home? Right?”
“Of course not, I know he’s not even angry at you for last night either” You tuck yourself lower almost face to face with Yoongi’s tummy.
“But-“
Jimin straightens, searching the nest for his phone “We can call him right now,” a look at the clock makes him curse though; he’s probably not even out of surgery yet. “Wait okay, we can call him in exactly one hour- here, I’ll even set my timer.”
Jungkook noses along your shoulder. “Somehow, I don’t think that’s what you’re upset about-“
They wait, and with their hands on you, it’s easier not to feel the threat of your words. How is it that being loved is such a medicine to make you unafraid? There was a time when you felt fear more than safety, when not feeling it felt as foreign to you as being loved. You look down at Yoongi's hands and realize how much has changed in the last few months. Your heart feels heavy with it.
“Hobi got punished because of me.”
Your mate stiffens and Jungkook's hand is still hard around your waist, unwilling to let you get more than a centimeter or two away from him. It’s Jimin who snorts, pulling back the covers so that he can really see your face.
He raises his eyebrows, “Do you know how many times my bad ideas have gotten us both a punishment?”
“Or mine” Jungkook adds, wincing. He rubs away his grin on the back of his hand. Now is not the time to get sentimental over happy memories. “There’s a reason why we’re the pups- collectively the pups. We've all fucked up before. Hobi gets that.”
“You mean- it wasn’t- he’s not gonna hate me for it? Again?” Yoongi and Jimin go quiet, but Jungkook leans forward to nuzzle into the nape of your neck.
“I’m going to say something, and I’m going to need you not to freak out over it. Alright?”
You nod, taking a deep breath. Giving Jungkook permission to continue.
He leans forward cupping your cheek and turning your face to his and even with your hands on Yoongi’s chest, blanketed by them- His words still feel like they yank the floor out from underneath you.
Jungkook laces his other hand with yours. thumb skimming down your cheek. “This isn’t like this before. Hobi and you. You’re not like before anymore. But I think you  know that already. I think that’s the real reason why you’re so scared of making him upset."
You can't look at Yoongi, can't meet his eyes with how intensely he's watching your face for your reaction. "When we say you didn’t fuck it up, we say it because we know what things really push Hobi away when he loves us-“  your inhale of breath is so jagged but Jungkook continues anyways “-and it’s not going along with his ideas.”
Jimin hums behind you, agreeing “Hobi likes to pretend that because he’s more submissive than us in bed it means he can’t act like an alpha. But he still likes to be the one in control sometimes. He does it in different ways. He likes to be listened to, to be followed. He likes to look after you when he likes you. He’s probably worried you’re the one mad at him pup.”
You think about all of it. The times that Hobi's taken you to get food, "Can you make it the way I like it?" "Of course, I can." him reaching over to tug at your seatbelt and making sure you're buckled in last night. You think of him taking your sea glass and keeping it safe in his pocket. All of it. He's always looked after you in his own, special, shy way.
Especially last night, when he safeworded for you.
You blush, and immediately re-hide hide your face in the front of Jimin’s shirt. The fact that they know this much, that they've thought on it strikes you as concerning. You wonder if they've been talking about your relationship. You know Jungkook and Tae definitely have- the gossips that they are.
If they knew about the kiss, if Hobi tells them- you wonder what they'll think. You know he hasn’t said a single word about it to anyone yet and you doubt he ever will. You only talk about things you like. You only gush about kisses given that you wanted right? And Hobi pulled away from you so quickly- he can't have wanted it. It had to have been a mistake.
And if that's true, then you have to doubt what Jungkook and Jimin say.
Yoongi's hand carding through your hair feels as familiar as your own. He knows you're not convinced yet. “I promise Hobi’s not mad at you darling.”
Hobi scoffs from the doorway, “Of course I’m not fucking mad at you.”
He has this vaguely ruffled look about him, vaguely off-kilter like he’s spent the last few hours of work bouncing on his heels after he got the text from Yoongi to the group chat. Got the text that Jin wasn’t able to step away quite yet too- and knew the radio silence coming from Namjoon meant you'd be without them. 
Hobi doesn't know why he was so worried, one look at the four of you curled up in the nest, and he knows you've been well taken care of.
You shoot up, nervous, worried about what he might have heard, and painfully aware that you don’t look your best. Your face is probably still all splotchy, tear tracks and messy hair and even messier clothes. You hadn’t even showered after the boxing class and you're not even fucking wearing pants-
Hobi carefully shucks off his slightly muddy sweatshirt. “You’re not?” you ask.
“Why would I be?” he challenges, and even you have to admit you don’t have a good reason for doubting it. Yoongi next to you is so still you think he might have stopped breathing, eyes darting from you to Hoseok. Jungkook inhales a little breath, making an ah- noise that you carefully ignore.  
You only have Hobi, coming close to the nest, lingering. Waiting for something.
He looks okay, okay in a way that you didn’t look this morning, nothing dark or broken in his eyes, nothing at all that supports the fear still itching through you. Taking its nails to everything soft. Hobi's eyes are soft, dark, and still like tide pools, gentle the way the ocean is at low tide.
You sit there, staring at him for a second.
“Can you get in the nest Hobi? Please.” You ask quietly. His eyes go all scared, all fragile for a second before he nods.
An omega asking an alpha to get into a nest can only mean one thing. But you both ignore the subtext of it as he gets on the edge because honestly- the nest is already a little crowded. But Yoongi moves over quick and Jimin sighs, rolling his eyes. You feel like you've missed something important. Something that's hidden in Jungkook's mouth- smiling like that cat that’s just eaten a canary. 
He’s only a body away from you but if you’re being honest- it’s Hobi’s presence in the nest, safe, getting soft touches from the others that lets you banish the last of the sub drop for good.
You watch them as you start to get sleepier and sleepier, trying to keep your eyes open as you watch the others say hello. Yoongi’s hand runs over the hairs at the nape of Hobi's neck. Jimin growls and nudges his shoulder with his forehead in hello. And Jungkook’s happy squeak.
Hobi looks fine, he smells fine when you drag your nose up his hand, dozing in all the pheromones. He lies back. “You alright? Better?” he asks, getting his head on your pillow- when a brief reprieve is offered by Yoongi slinking off to get more lemonade.
(Maybe it’s a little gross that the four of you were sharing one glass of it- but then again Jungkook and Yoongi have both literally tasted your slick before so you think you won’t ever exactly get grossed out by things like this).
Hobi hadn’t known what he would come home to. If you’d been nonverbal like you were at the beginning or if you’d be in omega space. He'd prepared himself for both possibilities and the most likely and most heartbreaking one; that you'd just want to deal with it alone or with just Yoongi.
It eases something tense in his chest that you've clearly been on the receiving even of very thorough aftercare by the look of it. The smell of sadness is distantly sharp on the air. Long soothed, a bad memory.
Hobi doesn’t know why he doubted that Jimin and Yoongi and Jungkook would do a good job. Why he thought for a second today that you might not be alright without him. It’s so stupid, Hobi feels stupid for thinking that. You have your freaking mate right here.
“Yeah,” you say, better, now that you’re home. Better- now that I can see you’re okay. “I’m sorry for making such a big deal over nothing, I’m-“
Hobi shushes you, “Don’t, that’s not- this isn’t a big deal. It’s not- really.” He stresses.
“Okay.” You say, “Okay” you repeat again because now that he’s here you have no idea what to fucking do about it.
You’re feeling so much lighter as the nest gets cracked open, the careful wings widened to accommodate more bodies and shoulders. It gets harder and harder to stay awake especially once Jimin retrieves your blue blanket from the drier and the warm edge gets bundled around you, soft and fluffier than the rest. Soft giggles ferry your tired body as you doze, and cat videos and tictoks get traded until Yoongi shushes them, and tells them to let you sleep.
One by one your packmates come home. You wake for each of them.
First Tae- who comes in a rush much like Hobi, her shoulder-length hair coming loose from her claw clip that she tosses on the bedside table. the clatter of it waking you up. She bundles up close to you, pressing a kiss to your forehead and telling you how good you’re being. Tae is in her pretty lavender-colored blouse but her pants are a bit too scratchy until she changes into softer peach-patterned pajama pants.
She presses her nose to your shoulder, inhaling deep, pulling back with her lips parted, she must have worn a lip stain today because the edge of her cute mouth is all ruddy. "You smell like Minnie" You nudge her nose with yours.
"He took care of me." In the doorway, Jimin tries his best not to blush.
Jin comes home like a whirlwind, gone is his suit jacket and his tie, and his pants aren’t long for this world. You regret the nature of the world each time one of your loves can’t be in pajamas (Really- it’s fucking sucky that they don’t just get to traipse around in nesting clothes all the time). The soft squishy omegan part of your brain feels more and more comfortable stretching out its curious fingers and tugging at them in displeasure.
He's feeling needy too; you wake to Jin’s long fingers running through your hair and down your spine and then going up again checking your body to make sure you're okay. Now that the pack omegas got you, he won’t easily let you go.
Being loved isn’t always harsh touches and harsh kisses. Sometimes being loved looks like being softly herded into the kitchen because someone has to cook and none of you feel like being more than a few feet apart right now. Being loved feels like your big blue blanket wrapped around your shoulders bundled in Yoongi's lap while Jin makes soup. Because soup heals all kinds of ailments- even the bad days like this.
You’re persuaded into a shower to wash off the scent of all the sadness with Jungkook and Jin. Although Jungkook spends more time playing with the bubble bath than really helping wash you or groom you. Usually, he doesn't miss a chance like this.
Your sleepy bodies are pressed flush in the warm water, hungry for nothing but closeness. Jungkook’s wet hair tickles your collarbones when you sit in his lap. His small cock squished against your thigh and your chest pressed to his, nothing sexual but everything intimate about your position.
Kisses pressed to soap-slicked skin that go nowhere let me wash your sadness from you. let me do it with my mouth and make you clean with love. Let me love you in the way that makes you feel the lightest, the most cared for. The purest. let me give you that back. let me make you new. 
One love makes you clean, one love makes you dirty. One makes you big and another small.
After the bath, the two of you sit side by side and let Jin blow-dry your hair. Jin even drags out floor cushions to do just this (especially for your poor bottom, still tender from the spanking last night but not quite red, a reminder that Namjoon had in fact been gentle).
The pack would ordinarily never consider Jungkook to be an obedient pup, but he is a model of perfect behavior for you. Sitting pretty and obedient (but still fidgeting slightly from side to side) while Jin does his hair and then yours. When you start to squirm he drags you sideways into his lap. After you're dry, Jin runs your hair through with a sweet citrusy smelling serum that Jungkook says he likes. You find yourself sniffing his hair to see if you like it too.
After a shower- and a fresh scent mark by the pack omega- you’re right as rain. It surprises no one when you almost fall asleep at the dinner table, fed mouthfuls of sweet strawberry spoon cake (Tae might have picked it up on her way home). A warm belly full of soup and food. Kept in your chair only by Jimin's arm around your middle.
You tried to wait up, but Namjoon doesn’t come home when he’s supposed to. He doesn’t even send a text.
The night drags on- the hours growing longer and longer and then smaller until jin ushers all of you into bed. No matter how much you whine and tug at Jin’s sleeve and say that you're more than capable of staying awake for him. You watch Yoongi and Jin share a distressed look. Namjoon still hasn’t answered any of his texts. How long was his surgery supposed to take again? 12 hours or 15?
That’s a long time for anyone to be awake, let alone for someone to be standing. He’s bound to be tired when he comes home- he’s bound to need the 7 of you.
You want to stay awake, but you’re too worn out from crying and from the boxing class today. Struggling to fight sleep until Jimin makes the move to scruff you, a gentle thing when he sets his teeth against the nape of your neck and tugs. Ushering you gently off to sleep with a small whine.
When you wake next it’s well into the night and Yoongi and Jin are not in the nest.
It takes you a few seconds to detangle yourself from between Tae and Jungkook. Before you even recognize what scent- or more precisely whose- Is tugging you into motion before you’re really awake.
Your alpha- his coffee and liquor scent- is angry and upset. It fills the house, pushing out the scent of you and everyone else. Namjoon never smells this potent, so musky. 
There’s something wrong. 
The first thing you see when you walk into the living room is Namjoon's blood-soaked shoes. The sensible ones he wears during surgery, soaked through from the inside out. You can tell he tried to clean them before he left but the white parts of them are still pink. Like there was so much of it that he couldn't get it all out in one wash. 
 He left them outside. He can't have been home for long because the door is still open, letting in the cold nighttime air. He’s pressed along Jin’s front, Namjoon only ever looks small when he’s pressed to Jin. Even as he pulls back there's something limp in him something worn away. 
You're still not awake enough to piece together his words. “-One second they were fine- stable and then- they just started bleeding and the general surgeon-“ Namjoon only ever talks about the terrible and heartbreaking part of his job with Jin and Yoongi. Not the rest of the pack and not you. Not ever. 
He only ever tells you when his surgeries go well. Not when they go bad, not like this. 
Maybe that’s the reason why he goes silent when he sees you in the doorway, rubbing at your eyes. Namjoon looks more tired than you’ve ever seen him. His silver hair all pushed up at the back like he’d been pulling at it.
You press yourself into his front, letting out a small shattered sound. “I’m okay pup.” but his voice is rough, his eyes wet. “I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you today- I wish I'd-“ He lets out a shaky breath, and you wrap your arms around his waist. 
 “s’okay joonie, just happy you’re home, got the nest all nice and warm for you- come” you try to tug him but it’s like trying to move a lead weight.
You're so short you only barely come up to the middle of his chest, Jin nuzzles into his cheek, and Namjoon's scent gets impossibly thicker- deeper. It makes you want to roll around in it. 
 It actually makes you weak in the knees. And that's how you know something’s actually wrong. Something must be really wrong for Namjoon to be so sad and still smell so thick and musky. You don't know if he washed the blockers off before he left the hospital or if they just stopped working- or
 You must make a noise- because Namjoon’s looking down at you, your mate pulls at your shoulders trying to shush you- to urge you back to the nest but you’re too sleepy to make sense of it. Can't leave alpha, need to stay by alpha, a small instinctual voice answers in your mind. 
You finally unstick your tongue from the roof of your mouth, breathing in Namjoon’s scent deep and- You go so weak at the knees you almost fall over. 
"What’s wrong- what's going on? Why-“
“Joonie’s going to be fine little love- he’s just-” Your mate flushes, unable to say it.
“It started halfway through, I was scalpel deep in the patient's spine and I couldn’t stop.” Namjoon scrubs a hand down his face, trying to clear himself of the sadness but it only makes him smell stronger. Even Jin straightens his back at that. “-I wanted to rush home the second I got your text too but I couldn’t. I noticed after I got it that I was kind of going crazy and-” 
Jin cups your cheek trying to move you away and give Namjoon some space but Namjoon can’t stop his growl, loud and echoic in the quiet house. threatened by you just stepping away. His hands tighten on you possessively. 
You freeze at the threatening sound but Jin just sighs rolling his eyes. “Oh you big baby- i’m not taking her away from you.”
Namjoon seems on edge as he stares down at you. Eyes flashing in the darkness. Jin sets his hands on his hips, but he knows better than to argue with his alpha when he’s in this condition. 
“Joonie’s going to be fine darling, He’s just touchy because he’s in pre-rut.”
~-~
Please like, Comment, and Reblog <3 If you don’t interact with this chapter, I have no way of knowing if people are still reading and enjoying this series! Every comment help me write the next chapter <3
Series Masterlist ~ Donate ~ Twitter
Come tell me what you liked about this chapter!
720 notes · View notes
ladykailitha · 2 months
Text
Well Met By Moonlight Part 10
Hello! If you haven't seen it yet, I've got a set schedule for what story posts on what days now (as seen here) and this one as well as Icarus, Batshit Soulmates, and Never Hold Back Your Step... will still be posting just on rotation until I can finish some of my WIPs. (I may be stretching myself a bit thin having six going at the same time.)
In this chapter Steve gets a migraine dealing with his pack, Eddie and Wayne try to get a little deeper into the mystery of the town, and Robin has a big decision to make.
@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @redfreckledwolf @emly03 @itsall-taken
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9
****
While things were getting better outside the pack, things weren’t going as well inside the pack.
Someone was riling up the older pack members to fight Steve on every decision.
“Joyce,” Steve growled warningly. “I won’t tell you again. I’m not taking Nancy as bondmate. Nor do you want me to. Not unless your son has broken up with her recently. So recently I don’t know about it.”
Joyce rolled her eyes. “Of course not. But in the history of this pack, the alpha female has always been bonded to to the alpha male. It’s tradition.”
“Which pack are we talking about?” Steve snarled. “The one where Hopper was alpha and didn’t notice two families being abused by their father because he was drunk off his ass all the time? Or are we talking about the one that threatened to rape and kill my mother for accidentally walking into compound as a mortal woman and was only saved by Wayne Munson passing by? Or the one where Clarence Harrington founded the pack back in the 1800s?”
Joyce took a step back in the face of his rage.
“Maybe it’s time to see traditions aren’t working out for the pack and to move forward,” Steve said baring his teeth.
She looked him square in the eye, daring him to make a move.
“Submit,” he snarled, using his alpha voice. “Or be banished for this lack of respect you have shown me since I became alpha.”
There had been pack members milling around when they started arguing and more had gathered.
They all gasped when Steve threatened banishment.
“Do. You. Submit?”
She gulped and lowered her head for the first time in his presence. She kept her eyes on the ground and murmured, “Yes, alpha.”
He turned to the gathered pack. “Anyone who doesn’t respect my authority as alpha is free to go, no judgment. But I will not stand for willful and flagrant disobedience just because the person is older than me. Do I make myself clear?”
The assembled all nodded, making noises of affirmation.
“Good,” he said and then waved his arm. “Now scram!”
They all fled including Joyce.
Jonathan came up to him after everyone else had gone.
“You going to question my authority, too?” Steve snapped, a migraine starting pulse behind his eyes.
The other boy shook his head. “Nah, man. I know you’re cool. It’s just hard on my mom because Hopper would still be alpha if he hadn’t been kidnapped and she doesn’t know what to do with you being alpha so young.”
Steve sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. “Yeah, it’s not normal, but we have to change if we are to survive. The world is moving fast. Faster than anything this pack has ever dealt with and if we don’t move with it, it will kill us.”
Jonathan nodded. “I’ll talk to her. See if I can’t get her to be at least not as antagonistic toward you. Because since you’ve become alpha things are really starting to change around here, for the better, too. She just needs to acknowledge that.”
Steve clapped Jonathan on the shoulder. “Thanks, man. Because you can get her to calm down...”
“Then Hop will do the same...” Jonathan continued.
“And hopefully Murray will follow after,” Steve finished. “And while that won’t miraculously fix all the packs problems...”
“It make it easier for to focus on the things that still need fixing.”
He nodded. “Right in one.”
Jonathan gave his shoulder a squeeze and then walked away.
****
Steve lay on his bed as Robin stroked his hair gently.
“All I’m saying is that a lot problems would be solved if you became pack,” Steve mumbled into her side.
His migraine had taken control of his body and he was in agony. No one was sure why things like headaches, period cramps, and cancer were immune to the werewolf’s ability to super heal, but it really sucked that there were.
“And a whole lot more problems that would crop up if I did,” she reminded him.
He sighed deeply. At the moment he didn’t care about the problems, only the solutions and he told her so.
Robin sighed. “I want to. But I don’t want to alienate my family if I do, you know?”
Steve struggled to sit up. Robin protested his moving but was helpless to stop the much stronger alpha.
He tucked his knees under him and took her hands gently in hers. “This decision is only one you can make. But believe me when I say you have to make it for you. Not me, not your parents or friends. Not even that pretty siren girl you like. You. What do you want to do?”
Robin hung her head. “Can I think about it?”
He squeezed her hands. “Of course you can. I can’t do anything until you’re eighteen anyway and that’s a few months away. But I want you to make a choice that’s best for you.”
She nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”
****
It wasn’t like Gareth straight up laughed in Eddie’s face when he asked about moon days. But it was a near thing.
“I’m a gwyllgi,” he said. He pronounced it like g-with-gee. “It’s like the English Black Dogs, only cooler. I can transform at anytime or place, but my family tends to be groundskeepers for cemeteries and graveyards.”
He shook his head. “All these years playing together in a band and you never knew I was a supe.”
Jeff scoffed. “In all fairness, he was the only human for a number of those years.”
“That’s true,” Brian agreed, “and it’s not like gwyllgi have a scent to them the way werewolves do. Cut him some slack.”
Eddie cocked his head to the side as he scented the air. “I don’t think that’s quite true.”
The three other boys stood stock still as Jeff and Brian sniffed.
Jeff looked to Eddie. “Is that the smell of freshly overturned soil?”
Brian sniffed a little longer. “A bit of death, too.”
Gareth grinned, jumping up and down. “I was wondering when you guys were going to figure it out.”
They all turned to him and cocked their heads.
“Graveyards. You smell like a graveyard!” Brian said. “That’s I was having trouble placing it. Sirens bury their dead at sea.”
Gareth shuddered. “Sirens are weird.”
“How are you friends with two vampires?” Eddie asked. “Aren’t gwyllgi supposed to protect graveyards from entities like Jeff and me?”
Gareth tilted his head to the side and Eddie was struck by how dog-like his friend was.
He shrugged. “My parents vetted all of you before I was allowed to hang out with you guys. If my parents think you guys are cool, what the fuck do I care what you eat?”
Jeff and Eddie looked at each other and huffed out a laugh.
“Yeah, okay,” Eddie said ruffling Gareth’s hair. “Will you take notes during the next moon day and find out what they are teaching kids these days? Because Steve is really worried. Crosses and werewolves have never been a thing.”
Gareth nodded solemnly. “Yeah, even my parents are worried about what that might mean for the gwyllgi. They might decide we’re werewolves and come after us next.”
Eddie winced. That was a real possibility that he really didn’t want to think of right then. But he filed the thought away to talk to Wayne and Steve about later.
“What about you, Bri?” Jeff asked. “You hear anything in your neck of the woods?”
Brian shrugged. “People don’t like being friends with sirens so we tend to be shunned when they know what we are. It’s why I didn’t tell you guys for years.”
“It’s only when you sing though, right?” Eddie asked. “The compelling people to do shit, right?”
Brian shrugged again, fiddling with the tuning pegs on his base. “All sorts of rules to, too. But they don’t care. They think just talking to me will force them to do stuff.”
Eddie frowned. He knew he was new to the supernatural world being a bitten vampire, but there was so much bullshit that he wasn’t sure he could navigate through all of it.
“Well, siren or no,” he said fiercely. “You’re our friend and if anyone gives you hell, just point them me and Jeffey’s direction.”
Brian nodded still looking at the floor. All three other boys came over and hugged him.
“Thanks, guys.”
****
Wayne watched as Jason and Patrick toiled in the midday sun. The work was hard and more than a little tedious, but if they were working, they didn’t have the energy to cause trouble.
Patrick was already starting to shift his beliefs just from talking to Wayne and listening to his stories about fighting for the Union in the Civil War, about this town’s heritage.
Jason, he knew was going to be a tougher nut to crack. Jason was far too used to being spoiled and given everything he wanted when he wanted it to bend to Wayne’s will easily.
But Wayne had his ways and the first thing he needed to do was earn the boy’s trust.
“Did they kick you two off the team?” he rumbled.
Both boys looked up at him and then each other. They stopped what they were doing and leaned on their shovels.
Patrick snorted disdainfully. “They probably should have, but that would have meant removing their entire starting line and Principal Higgins wasn’t about to do that.”
“I got removed from being captain, though,” Jason said bitterly. He kicked at clod of dirt viciously with his foot to show his frustration.
“Who’s the new captain?” Wayne asked gently.
“Dirk Garroway,” Patrick said, glancing over at Jason. “He’s the younger brother of a former member of the team. A lot of the team isn’t happy about it.”
“That’s because he’s afraid of his own fucking shadow,” Jason sneered.
Patrick hid his wince well from Jason, but Wayne noticed nonetheless. “He’s always playing it safe. He doesn’t take risks. Which is great if you want a middle of the road team, but not one that’s going to win championships.”
“That’s certainly true,” Wayne said warmly. “Tell me what happened in the most recent game.”
Jason sneered. “Why would you care?”
Patrick looked panicked. He didn’t want to antagonize Wayne and was always afraid that if Jason mouthed off then Patrick would get the blow back.
“I’ve seen the rise of many a sport here in this country,” Wayne said with a smile. “But basketball and baseball are my favorites.”
That brought Jason up short. He straightened his spine and looked at Wayne with interest. “So you seen all the greats?”
Gotcha! Wayne thought with a grin.
“Sure have seen quite a few of them at any rate,” Wayne said sagely. “Who are your favorites?”
Jason launched into his inspirations and what his aspirations had been before he made the stupidest mistake of his life.
Wayne looked over at Patrick and winked. The other boy blushed, but was starting to finally relax.
It would take some time, but it was now only a matter of how long before Wayne got his answers on why they thought killing the Harrington Pack alpha would solve this town’s woes.
Because Steve was right.
There was something rotten in this town just below the surface. Below what he could see.
And wasn’t that just a terrifying thought.
****
Part 11 Part 12 Part 13
Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @goodolefashionedloverboi @bookbinderbitch @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @bookworm0690 @tinyplanet95 @littlewildflowerkitten @vecnuthy @scheodingers-muppet @just-a-tiny-void @potato-of-the-lord @goosesister @she-collects-smut @irregular-child @y4r3luv
108 notes · View notes
blinkilite · 2 months
Text
I had the amazing privilege of seeing Michael Sheen in Nye a few nights ago at the National Theatre.
The play:
Nye was amazing. Michael was brilliant and in command of the stage the whole time. I am not a big theater-goer. So this was a big deal for me. But seeing him perform on stage was just wonderful. I truly appreciate his skills on a whole new level now. The rest of the cast was brilliant too. They each played multiple roles throughout the timeline of the play. I highly recommend going to see it if you can. He sings! He dances! I cried! I laughed! I’m trying my best to give you a spoiler free review! But I promise you won’t be disappointed. 😊 it’s really really good. 👍 Go! Support Michael and the arts!
My personal experience:
I had a mix of excitement and anxiety all day but it really amped up when I got to the theater. Like omg this is really happening. I took a pic by the poster and it’s obvious I am an excited weirdo. 😆
Tumblr media
Now that I was here, the next step was going to the national theatre gift shop. They had a lot of cute things and a really cool display for Nye.
Tumblr media
I purchased my program and the cashier was very friendly. She complimented my Good Omens pin and said they usually come out stage door so make sure to go around back after, and enjoy the show. 😊 (internally squeeing) I thanked her and we went and got some food and a cider.
We made our way to the doors and were led to our seats. Then I started getting the omg we’re here this is actually happening mentality. We were pretty close. An omg he will be right there! Soon! 😬
Tumblr media
We had 8th row seats 😳 it seemed very close and I was freaking out.
I read some reviews and saw the newly released press photos of the play. So I knew a little what to expect of the show too, but honestly it was sooo good. I don’t want to give away any spoilers because the play is AMAZING. Michael and the rest of the cast did so well. Michael is very active and moved all over the stage. I am so impressed by his abilities as an actor. He fucking sings! And it’s wonderful! And our seats were close enough to see all the micro expressions on his face. 😃 If you have the means to go and see this either in London or later in Wales - GO! You will not regret it.
At the end I took a pic of the actors (though I didn’t get everyone) and I got the very end when Nye can see the impact of his accomplishments.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Now for the fangirling part of my night. I was trying my best not to be a complete dork. I knew from other fans previously posting that he typically comes out at the stage door after the show. So I had an idea what to expect. He came out pretty soon after the show ended. I’m guessing there were maybe 50-60ppl there. He just started talking to people, signing things, taking photos like this is no big deal. And they would leave and it would be the next person’s turn. Everyone was very considerate of each other and Michael’s time. And he was kind and generous and spoke genuinely to each person and made so many people happy that night. just by being himself and taking some extra time before he went home. He really is an angel. ❤️
Eventually it was my turn. Somehow I didn’t mumble or giggle like an idiot. where did I find the ability to speak? - I really have no idea 🤷‍♀️ I told him the show was amazing. He thanked me. And while signing my program I told him we came over from America for my birthday to see him. He wished us luck in the rest of our trip. I got a selfie with him and internally died. He wished me happy birthday (died again). I thanked him and then it was the next person’s turn. I walked about 50ft away and jumped up and down like an idiot. Hopefully he didn’t see.
But holy shit. 😃
I met Michael Sheen!!!! 😃❤️😃
And he was the nicest person ever. 😃😃😃
Tumblr media Tumblr media
108 notes · View notes
yayeetsonny · 3 months
Text
One can only take so much… before they break
(Alex Morgan X OC)
Tumblr media
Hi, yes i know i’ve been away for a very long time, but I wanted to give this writing thing another shot to see if I still had anything left in the tank. Hopefully this isn’t the most dreadful thing you’ve ever read. So sorry if it is. Please be advised this one deals with some very strong emotions and topics. Implied mental abuse, Suicidal ideation and just overall sadness and anxiety. This will be a multi parter as my fingers got away from me lol.
This one is 99% Alex x OC, although the character’s name is never dropped as I wasn’t sure if I was going to make this an x reader fic or not. If anyone has any name suggestions at the end I’m all ears. And future parts will definitely be more USWNT x OC
3.4k Words
Everything is your fault. It always is. Why can’t you do anything right?! It all fell apart because of you! You know that, and so do they. They hate you for it. Your own mother won’t even talk to you.
“Hey, kid… Kid?…Dude!” I was so lost in thought I didn’t even hear one of my teammates calling out to me.
“Huh? What?” I looked up to see Alex looking down at me worriedly.
“Are you okay little duck?” She said squatting down so she was eye level with me. She put her hand on my cheek rubbing it softly raising an eyebrow when i didn’t say anything immediately.
“Hmm? Oh yeah, I’m fine.” I said softly, making a poor attempt at a smile but I’m fairly certain it came across as a grimace instead. I looked down and refused to look back up even though I could feel Alex trying to get me to look at her.
“Hey… what is it?” She said moving her head so she could look into my eyes, which at this point were watering and I was doing my very best to force the tears away.
“I-It’s nothing… I-I’m fine.” I said, my voice breaking. I brought my hand up to rub my eyes and I stood up and tried to make a quick get away, but Alex wasn’t having it.
“Stop, what’s going on? What’s wrong?” She put her hands on my shoulders to try and stop me from leaving but I pushed her off and started to walk away.
“I said I’m fine, just drop it Alex. Please.” I gave up trying to stop the tears, they were freely flowing now and i let out a sob as I broke into a full sprint when I heard her starting to follow me, calling out to me. I ran passed several of our fellow national team, teammates who were watching everything unfold.
I beat her to the locker room, grabbed my stuff and made a mad dash to my car, getting in and attempting to regulate my breathing. The tears were still coming in full force, sobs racked my body as I tried and failed to calm myself down. How pathetic is this? Crying like a big baby, because your mommy made you sad? I really am weak aren’t I? No that’s not true. The girls always tell me I’m strong and that I’m their brave big girl. Yeah it’s a bit baby-ish but it gets the point across. I wrestled with my own thoughts and was so engrossed in arguing with myself that i didn’t even realize I made it back to my apartment already. I also didn’t hear my phone ringing incessantly while I drove. I hesitated a bit seeing as it was Alex, probably trying to figure out where i went. It almost went to voicemail before i decided to answer.
“Hello” my voice was raw from all the crying I did, but I sounded more tired than distraught now.
“Baby, where did you go? What happened back there? Why did you run away? Please talk to me. I’m worried about you.” She said all in one breath, I bit my lip contemplating my answer. Then i took a deep breath and decided to just bite the bullet and be at least partially truthful.
“I… um, I was going thru a-a lot during the break between camps, I mean I guess I still am going thru a lot right now, given my very apparent meltdown earlier. I-I’m sorry Alex, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I won’t do it again, I swear.” My damn voice started breaking again as the tears started back up.
“Hey, hey, hey… little one, please breathe, you’re okay. You have nothing to be sorry for. Take deep, slow breaths, in and out.” she said gently, guiding me thru some breathing exercises until my breathing was less erratic. “Can you tell me where you are please? I’m going to come get you and we’ll talk this through and maybe we can order a pizza and watch movies, what do you say?” She asked, I could tell she was trying to remain calm but I could hear her voice quiver just slightly. She was scared, and rightfully so, this isn’t the first time I’d run off and usually when i did, I became self destructive at worst and let myself rot in bed for a week at best.
“I’m at the apartment.” I said and she let out a sigh of relief on the other end of the line.
“Okay good. I’m on my way, be there in 10. Stay there, please.”
I took one last deep breath before I got out of the car and made my way inside. I intended to sit on the couch and wait for her to get home but then the more i thought about having to talk to Alex about what’s been going on the more anxious i became. I started pacing and started mumbling to myself about what i was going to say and how I was going to say it. I wanted to let Alex in but I knew if I wasn’t careful I would let her in too much and I wasn’t ready for that. Being 17 and all my ability to regulate my emotions and understand them wasn’t the best as I’m sure you’ve already figured out.
10 minutes went by quickly and Alex was there before i knew it. She quickly made her way inside and dropped her bag by the door, coming up to me and taking me by the shoulders again to get me to stop pacing.
“Stop, please. You’re spiraling, what’s going on?”
“I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Like what? Is it your family? Soccer?”
“Family.” I mumbled, attempting to yank myself out of her grasp but she just wrapped her arms around my torso tightly so i couldn’t run away. “Let go Alex I can’t do this. Please let go.” I kept fighting against her hold but she wasn’t relenting, and while i would’ve denied it in the moment, I needed that.
“Shh, shh bub, just relax. I’ve got you. I’m here now it’s all gonna be okay, okay? I promise. Please just let me help you.” She said softly and I finally just allowed her to fully pull me against her chest, she relaxed her grip just slightly moving one of her hands to the back of my head, stroking my hair softly, resting her chin on the top of my head. “You’re okay, you’re safe now.” She whispered, and she continued to mumble reassurances to me as she rocked me in her arms slightly.
“Do we have to talk about this?” I mumbled.
“Yeah kid unfortunately we do. You know the rules when you decide to run away like you did earlier.” She kissed my head before picking me up with ease and moving us to the couch. She kept her hold on me and let me curl up into her lap, I tucked my head in the crook of her neck.
“I don’t want to.” I attempted to say firmly but it came out as a whine.
“Remember what I said? It’ll all be okay. I know this is scary but I’m not going anywhere and anything you tell me isn’t going to scare me away. I promise you. You’re my brave big girl, hmm?”
“I’m 17, you know?” I said in an attempt to seem tough.
“And that’s why i said you’re a big girl. But you’re still the baby on the team and little one to me.” She said chuckling softly. “You can do this.” she said after a moment rubbing my arm gently.
“I can do this.” I repeated to myself. I moved myself out of the safety of Alex’s arms slightly, putting some distance between us and turning to fully face her, steeling myself for the tough conversation ahead. I’m a very sensitive and emotional person so these conversations always make me cry no matter how much I try to stop it.
Do you want me to call the rest of the girls? Is this something they should know about too?”
“Too many people. Not ready, I think it’s better if I tell you everything first and then maybe only tell them the gist of it after.”
“Okay, then that’s what we’ll do. Whenever you’re ready.”
“I guess I’ll start at the beginning. So you know how in between camps and during off season I go home to be with my family? Well I went and everything fell apart, and it’s all my fault. Just like everything always is.”
“Hey, no don’t say that.” She cut me off, she hates when i am self deprecating.
“Its true though. I fucked everything up. You know how my brother and I work at the same place right? Well and you know how my shift is closing? So I work 1-10pm? Which my mom hates.” She nodded her head as I was talking to let me know she was following along. “Well one night it was bad… The weather was horrendous because in my hometown we get a lot of snow. A-and so one of the days I worked I was one of the f-few people to show up and, when everything was all said and done there was a huge mess left behind from the disaster of a day we had….” I was beginning to become emotional just thinking about what had happened that night, and i hated that it still made me feel such strong emotions.
“It’s okay, do you want to keep going?” Alex asked me softly, stroking the back of my head softly. she knew sometimes that talking about things was hard for me and that i needed to take breaks in order to get the whole story out.
“Yes i need to. I can do it.” I said determinedly. Blinking away the tears.
“Anyways, it was a mess and being a “Back up Team lead” sometimes i made a decision to send everyone else home and clean up. And since my brother worked on overnights I called him and asked him to come help me clean up so that i could go home at a semi-reasonable time. He came over to help but when they wanted to send him back to his normal area he refused and he s-started arguing with his boss about how he was going to choose family over his job at the moment and they d-didn’t like that so they sent him home for the night, and he didn’t have a car so he called my mom to pick him up…” I stopped to catch my breath as i realize I hadn’t been breathing
“Shh, easy baby, nice, slow deep breaths, you’re doing so good.” She said. I hadn’t been looking at Alex very much this whole time but when I finally did I could see unshed tears in her eyes. I knew it was hard for her any time i was upset or emotional in a negative way. She gently wiped away the tears that made their way down my cheeks.
“My mom came to get him, and then she called me, and she was angry, she demanded I come home so I did and when I got there she told me she had a lot of opinions about what happened but she was just going to keep her mouth shut. She told me to get out of her sight so I did. She wouldn’t even look at me. Just like that I was transported back to when I was a little kid and she would get angry and she would just tell me she didn’t want to look at me. It felt like a knife to the chest. I didn’t understand what i did to upset her so much and I knew she wouldn’t tell me. All part of her “healing process.” I said bitterly.
“Fast forward to the next morning, I woke up to the news my brother had been fired. I called him to apologize and I asked him what our mom said to him and he said that she blames me for him getting fired. She said I should have known better. I knew how much he needed that job.” My hands were shaking and my breathing was ragged as I played with the strings of my hoodie.
“That wasn’t your fault, you have to know that.”
“Yes it was. It is. He hasn’t found a job since and he-he’s struggling again. You remember what happened last time he was struggling don’t you? I can’t do that again, I can’t! Everything he does, every decision he makes that’s not good is my fault. My mom wants me to be “an example” for him but he’s older! How fucking twisted is that?! Why are things never his fault?!” I yelled standing up suddenly startling Alex.
“Okay, okay let’s take a break hmm?” Alex stood up holding up her hands to show me she meant no harm.
“No! You don’t get it! Everything is my fault! My own mother thinks so! I know he’s struggling but can’t she see I’m struggling too?! ” I threw a plastic cup that was on the table across the room.
“Stop. Now. We don’t throw things when we’re upset, do you understand?” Alex said sternly.
My lip wobbled as I started crying again. “I’ve spent the last 4 years trying my very best to hold my family together through everything we’ve been thru. I got my brother the job working where i do and now I’m the reason he lost it. And now he and his girlfriend risk being homeless because she doesn’t have a job either. And if they lose their apartment they move back home with my mom, which means I’ll probably have to move back to be there with her because I can’t just leave her there by herself with them. It wouldn’t be fair. Which in turn means I’ll have to put my life on hold. The life I finally made for myself.”
I’m so tired of being emotional exhausted. I can’t keep doing this. I don’t even want to be alive anymore.”
“Woah, hold on… what do you mean by that?” Alex’s eyes widened as she processed what i said.
“I mean what I just said I don’t want to be alive anymore okay? I want the pain to stop. I need it to stop.”
The silence that followed was long and tense. I immediately regretted saying what i said. But realized i couldn’t walk it back. Alex finally took a deep breath and began speaking again.
“How long have you been feeling this way? Do you- Do you have a plan?” She asked quietly, her voice breaking as she did.
“No I don’t have a plan, I just sometimes think about how much easier it would be if I wasn’t here anymore. And sometimes I think about hurting myself but i haven’t acted on it. And i’ve been feeling this way since last year, when my mom and i got into that big blowout fight at Thanksgiving. You know she didn’t even want me moving out here? She’s never really let that fight go.” I laughed hollowly.
“Thank you for telling me, and being honest with me. I know that wasn’t easy. Why didn’t your mom want you to move out here?”
“She thinks you and the girls have too much of an influence over me. She thinks you guys are “changing” me. She threatened to force me to quit playing soccer all together.”
“What? Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?”
“It didn’t seem relevant.”
“Didn’t seem relevant?! How’s that? If i had known that I would’ve just had you move out here permanently!”
“Alex…”
“No I’m serious! I understand you’re still 17 but you’re out of high school and you should be able to decide your own path.
“I’ve been trying, but the situation with my brother gives her more reason to say i should just quit playing.
Alex goes quietly again and I can tell she’s thinking. I can tell she’s angry. She has never really liked my mom and visa versa, their relationship is courteous at best.
“I think sometimes you forget that you’re still a kid. I know that you have had a lot put on your shoulders and that a lot is expected of you, but your brothers choices that night are not your fault and I’m sorry he’s having a hard time and he might have to move back home, which yes will be hard for your mom but that doesn’t mean that you have to give up your life for them. They will be okay. I promise you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes i do, you wanna know how I know?” She said and I nodded meekly.
“I know because your brother is strong, and so is your mom. And while i’ve never met her I’m sure his girlfriend is too. You don’t have to hold anyone else up but yourself. Not anymore. Their emotions and their… predicaments are not yours to try and fix. i don’t want you going home for a while okay? It’s clear that it’s taking a toll on you and to be frank, This is your home. Here with me, With the other girls. We have you okay? And we will never leave you. Ever.”
I turned away from her and tried to calm myself completely. I was so over all the crying and I bet you are too.
“You’re probably so sick of me crying.” I said chuckling quietly. Alex Vehemently shook her head and wrapped her arms around me, kissing my head.
“Not at all, you needed to get it out. it’s never good to hold it all in like you did, you know that.”
“I know, I just…”
“Have a hard time letting yourself be vulnerable. I know love. I know. So here’s what we’re going to do. I think writing your thoughts out might help what do you think?”
“Maybe…” i said hesitantly.
“Don’t worry no one else will read it but you. And the only way anyone will ever know anything you write down is if you tell them. And I know you going home for part of the year is to help you be able to pay your half of the rent but don’t worry about it okay? I will cover any excess we have from the missing income okay? I meant it when I said your home was here with me.”
“Alex you don’t have to-….”
“Yes i do. You’re very important to me, and I care about you and the things you need. And right now you need a bit of a break.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
“Anything for you kid. Now listen I also want you to really consider talking to a therapist or a mental health professional about how you’ve been feeling okay? I won’t force you but I think you might benefit from it. And please talk to me, or one of the other girls if you feel like hurting yourself. I don’t want you to think you have to go thru that alone okay?”
“Okay i will.” She’s right, it’s probably about time i go to therapy, I’m still hesitant as sharing my feelings and the things i keep inside has never been my strong suit.
“Now, how about you go take a warm shower to calm down a bit more, I’ll order some pizzas and get the girls over here?”
“I’d like that.” I smiled softly and headed upstairs to do as she suggested.
About an hour later I was showered, comfy and sitting on the couch sandwiched between Alex and Christen. A “Chrislex” sandwich if you will. Tobin was on Christen’s left, Mal, Sam, Kristie, Rose and the rest of the team were laying as close to me as they could get and spread out through out the living room. Pizza was also spread out through the room as people shared with one another. We had Moana on as the girls said I could pick and that’s my go to movie. I was so focused on the movie i almost didn’t notice my phone buzzing at my side. I looked at the text that came thru and my heart dropped as I realized who it was from… My mom.
“You need to come home.”
Is all it said. My hands instantly started shaking and I had that panicking feeling rising in my chest again. Alex looked over at me curiously and I forced the fakest smile i could muster onto my face. I’m in deep shit now…
//
To Be Continued…
There will be a part 2 and the rest of the team will be in that one more, promise. Please let me know what you think!
107 notes · View notes
peachhcs · 21 days
Note
because will surprised sam i think sam should tell will that her parents said she couldn’t go to Sweden but she actually is going with like ruts girlfriend and surprises him
a surprise in sweden
hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)
samy surprises will in sweden for the world juniors!
1.4k words
warnings: like the smallest tiniest illusion to sex, two kisses, mostly fluff though
this was so cutie to write. woo i'm posting again to make up for my lack of posts. i know kayleigh didn't actually go to world juniors, but let's pretend she did for this haha. pls keep requesting i enjoy writing these :)
au masterlist
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
“did you hear? did you hear?” will's excitement made samy smile from her end of the phone. the girl giggled while nodding her head even though her boyfriend couldn’t see. 
“i did hear. i’m so excited for you. sweden sounds awesome,” the u.s. team picks for world juniors came out only minutes ago and in two seconds, the blonde eagerly called his girlfriend to tell her the happy news. 
“god, i can’t believe i get to play for my country for what might be the last time. leno, perreault, fort, minnetian, and cut are all coming along to,” will was most definitely rambling, but samy didn’t care. she loved hearing him so excited about something to the point where he couldn’t stop talking about it. 
“you guys are gonna dominate. rut, sean, gav, and nazar got picked too. i'm excited for you guys to play on the same team together,” the brunette chuckled a little. It was almost ironic how her two worlds of hockey were colliding on the same team in a few weeks. 
“oh god, mcgroarty’s gonna pick me apart isn’t he?” will groaned, but samy giggled again.
“he won’t, trust me. i’ll make sure they lay off you and won’t ask embarrassing questions.” 
the umich guys knew all about will and were definitely eager to meet the guy that stole their little sister’s heart. they only had ethan and mark’s words to go off and you could guess the things they said only playfully poked fun at the blonde, so will was determined to prove himself so the other guys could properly get to know him. 
“i’m sorry i won’t be in the states for break. i know how excited we were to finally see each other for more than two days,” will changed the subject, his tone laced with a hint of disappointment. 
samy smiled, “it’s okay. this is a big deal for you and i’m so proud of you. i’ll just watch you from the comfort of my living room.” 
her words had a grin spreading across the boy’s lips along with a small chuckle. “you’re sure you can’t convince your parents to let you come with me?” it was worth a shot to ask even though will knew how much samy loved spending the holidays with her family. he didn’t even wanna ask if she could come along knowing how much the holidays meant to her. 
“i doubt it. i know they trust me, but an entire like three weeks in a different country with my boyfriend..i don’t know if they’d be so keen on that idea,” the girl laughed, a slight blush coating her cheeks. 
a similar pink color spread across will’s face as well, “okay, just thought i’d ask. i’ll miss you. i’ll send your gift in the mail so you’ll hopefully have it.” 
“i’ll see if i can get yours to boston before you leave. i’m still waiting on something in the mail.” 
“i hope you didn’t go overboard. we said not to,” will said despite the smile on his lips. 
“even if i did, it’s the first christmas that we’re together and not getting each other gag gifts,” samy stated. 
“when have i ever gotten you a gag gift? i think my gifts have been very thoughtful no matter what our relationship is,” the boy quickly defended himself. 
“well whatever. i think you’ll really like my gift,” samy chuckled. 
“i think you’ll like mine too,” will eyed the unwrapped gifts sitting on his desk and he couldn’t help but smile thinking about samy opening them in a few weeks. 
the two stayed on the phone for the rest of the night just mindlessly talking and getting to hear one another’s voices. there was one thing will didn’t know though and that was samy texting with kayleigh as they bought plane tickets for sweden—their trip already thoroughly planned out because the two predicted very early on that their boyfriends would make the US team, they just needed the confirmation before they bought their tickets. they couldn’t be more excited to fly out and surprise everyone with the hope that ryan and gabe knew how to keep their mouths shut. 
will sat in his hotel room making an attempt to get some of his school work done, but the tv playing as background noise was taking more of his attention than he thought it would. his eyes were glued to the show, computer open because if it was open, then at least it seemed like he was being productive. 
samy followed gabe and ryan to the 5th floor, unbeknownst to will. her and kayleigh landed about an hour ago and the girl was trying to shush the boys before the surprise was ruined. Her and ryan shoved themselves against the wall while gabe knocked on his friend’s room—their surprise plan setting into action. 
will lifted his head when he heard the knock. he walked towards the door, eyes still flicking back to the tv as he pulled the wooden frame open. “what?” the boy asked gabe on the other side. 
“can you come to my room real quick? I think i broke something,” the dark-haired boy muttered. 
will raised his eyebrow, “what do you mean you think you broke something?”
“like, i was trying to open up the cabinet under the tv and the handle like snapped off in my hand.” 
ryan and samy struggled keeping their laughter from slipping out as they stood a few feet away from will’s door. the blonde crinkled his nose, “dude, i’m not getting involved if you broke something. you’re gonna have to pay for that shit.” 
“can you just please come look? i don’t know if it’s actually broken,” gabe tried. 
“how do you not know if something is broken? it’s either broken or not broken,” will argued a bit, not knowing gabe was only trying to get him into the hallway where he’d see samy. 
“please just come look? for like two seconds.” 
a sigh escaped the blonde’s lips along with a shake of his head thinking how stupid his friend was. he shuffled into the hallway ready to head down to gabe’s room when samy suddenly popped out from behind ryan, “surprise!!” 
will jumped back, a small screech falling from his mouth. it took him all of ten seconds to take in his girlfriend standing two feet away from him, ryan with his camera out, and gabe snickering to himself to realize what was happening. when it did finally click samy was swept into the boy’s arms. 
“what are you doing here? i-i thought you weren’t coming?” will could hardly form any coherent thoughts. it felt like he was dreaming or something. 
“i was coming all along. i said i wasn’t because i wanted to surprise you,” samy explained, giggling into the blonde’s shoulder. 
“what about your parents? Your brothers..” 
“they were cool with it. kayleigh and i have been planning this for like weeks,” the brunette pulled back so she could properly see his face. she brushed his little curls away, a blush spreading across his cheeks at her gentleness. 
his eyes slid towards gabe and ryan who nodded. “we knew all along,” gabe snickered. 
"i’m surprised you two could keep a secret as big as this,” will teased them knowing how bad they both were at keeping things from other people. 
“oh shut up. we got your girl here so now you can stop moping around,” ryan rolled his eyes which earned the middle finger from will. 
another giggle escaped samy’s lips as she squeezed her boyfriend’s waist, putting his attention back on her. “It’s good to see you,” she hummed. 
“you too. I’m glad we get to spend a few weeks together,” not caring that ryan and gabe were still watching, the hockey player connected their lips into a sweet kiss. 
“yooo, save that for the room. Iim out of here. don’t be too loud,” gabe mumbled before retreating back into his own room. 
samy and will shared a laugh. ryan quickly escaped as well, promising he’d send the surprise video. that left the couple standing in the hallway together, loving smiles on each of their lips. 
“you’re sure you’re okay with not spending the holidays with your family?” will wondered because he didn’t want to be pulling her away. 
the girl cupped his face, “i’m sure. mom and dad were cool with it and my brothers are hardly home anymore anyways. plus, how could i miss something like this?” 
her words convinced the boy for now. he planted one last kiss on her lips before pulling her inside his hotel room—a very long night ahead of them.
134 notes · View notes
cecilysass · 24 days
Text
Shine On (11/16)
Read on AO3 | Tagging @today-in-fic
Tumblr media
Chapter 11: The Snow
Farrs Corner, Virginia February 23, 2015 7:45 am
Jackson can’t seem to sit still. He’s pacing all around the kitchen in meandering circles. Scully has managed to piece together from his brief, cryptic answers to her questions that he now knows his thoughts aren’t completely private. The news apparently hasn’t been well received.
Scully sits at the table, her chin in her hand, watching him seriously. There’s something else going on here, too—something more—and she hasn’t pinned it down yet. For one, Mulder disappeared upstairs in a cloud of anxiety, something big clearly on his mind.
“Was Mulder … worried about something?” she attempts.
Jackson just lifts his shoulders in a jerky shrug. “Probably.” He doesn’t add more details.
“Are you all right?” Scully says after another pause.
He’s moving again, walking back and forth. “Yeah,” he says. “I’m okay. Just really freaked out.”
“Now—”
“Don’t say it,” Jackson cuts her off, pointing at her suddenly. “I know, I know. Now I know what it feels like to have my thoughts spied on. I’m a hypocrite for being upset about it, right?”
Scully says nothing right away, but fixes him with what she hopes is an open and honest gaze. “Is that what I am thinking, Jackson?”
“No,” he says, finally still. “You’re not.”
She nods slowly. “Right. Now. Did Mulder happen to make coffee?”
“Yeah,” Jackson says, turning slowly to regard the coffee maker. “And … I made scrambled eggs.”
“You did?”
“Yeah.” Jackson walks to the stove and lifts the lid off the pan. “They’re still warm. You want some?”
“Yes, I do.” Scully stands up to get out plates. “Let’s eat. Should we make toast?”
Just as they are loading bread in the ancient toaster oven, Mulder’s footsteps on the stairs cause them both to look up. Jackson takes a wary step back.
“You’re going for a run, Mulder?” Scully can’t hide her skepticism as she walks across the floor to speak to him. He’s dressed for exercise—sweatpants, a long-sleeve tee, his running shoes—but his grim expression tells another story.
“Yeah,” he says. He eyes Jackson for a moment, looking as if he wants to say something, then turns and walks to the house’s front window, the one that faces the porch. He peers out cautiously. “Sort of.”
“What’s going on?” she asks sharply, lowering her voice.
“He’s been keeping something from us,” Mulder says quietly, his eyes darting behind her to Jackson in the kitchen. They both know that keeping his voice down is pointless, but he does it anyway. “Something … important. I need to check around outside again.”
“I should come with you.”
“No,” he says quickly. “Stay here, Scully. I think I upset him, and I think you should … just stay here with him.”
Scully nods slowly, feeling a thrum of anxiety. For the umpteenth time since yesterday, she attempts to mute her feelings.
“Try not to worry,” Mulder says, flashing her a small smile. “Hopefully this isn't a big deal. Go have breakfast.”
“Be careful,” Scully whispers urgently. “Take the stiletto.”
“Yeah,” he says. “Of course.”
For a moment he looks like he might kiss her cheek—he seems to bend down just a little—but he doesn’t, biting his lower lip instead.
“I’ll save you some coffee,” she says uncomfortably, a nod to a routine they had for years in what feels like another lifetime.
“Sure you will,” he says. “I won’t hold my breath. I know your caffeine habits.”
The words he’s speaking are playful, but he sounds distracted. He glances out the window again, and it scares her, the look of intense worry etched across his features. Her mind explodes into fearful questions—what is Jackson is keeping from them? why does it involve Mulder checking outside?—but she quiets these quickly.
“Hopefully no big deal, right?” she whispers.
“Right,” he says quickly. Another reassuring smile.
***
There are swirling eddies of snow flurries visible through the kitchen windows as Scully and Jackson eat their eggs and toast.
“Snow,” she remarks, her voice sounding small. “I wonder if it’s supposed to accumulate.”
Jackson’s eyes track the direction of her stare. “Yeah, it looks like it might.” He looks back at her, seeming to remember something. He takes a big forkful of eggs. “Happy birthday. Today’s your actual birthday, right?”
“Yes,” she says. She takes a bite, too, trying not to watch him too closely.
“You’re… 51?”
She nods, wiping her mouth with a paper napkin.
“So you were 37 when you had me?”
Again she nods, studying his reaction.
“Did you want to have kids?”
She hesitates only a second. “Very, very much.”
When he looks up at her, she knows he is using his shine on her, testing out the veracity of her claim. She can practically feel it.
“I was thinking about it,” Jackson says, shoving another bite in his mouth. “I think I might understand why my shine is so much stronger with you than with anyone else. Or at least I have a guess.”
Scully scowls and sips her coffee. “Oh? What’s your guess?”
“You’re a doctor, right?” Jackson says. “So you know that in mammals, there’s an evolutionary advantage to maternal-infant bonding.”
Her eyes widen at his language choice. Her chin goes up and down wordlessly.
“And that baby mammals learn to recognize their mom’s smell and sound, and learn how to, like, be in tune with her behavior so that they have a better chance of survival.”
She sets her cup down, slightly stunned.
“So if you think about my shine being one of my senses, like smelling or hearing, it’s logical that when I was an infant, still living with you, it developed to be… in sync with you. So I could know what you were thinking and feeling. And maybe once it developed in my brain or whatever, it stayed wired that way, even after all these years. It’s biology, right?”
“I had wondered… something along those lines myself,” Scully says, keeping her voice steady. “You’re very knowledgeable about biology.”
“I read a lot of articles,” Jackson says modestly.
Articles about what, Scully wonders? About maternal-neonate bonding? Is he worried about what he has missed out on by being adopted?
“Maybe a little,” Jackson says, looking down, and it takes her a moment to realize he is answering the question she was thinking. He then meets her eyes, and there is something unguarded there that reminds her of Mulder when she met him, Mulder the youngest she ever knew him, Mulder in Bellefleur, telling her his story. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course,” she says. “Anything.”
“Why’d you do it? Why did you decide to give me up?” He looks so earnest, so sincerely curious and vaguely hurt that it makes Scully want to weep. “I can feel how much you didn’t want to. How sad it made you. And when you did it, I wasn’t brand-new either, was I? I lived with you a while. You knew me. You have all these memories of me. And you were still with Mulder, weren’t you? It just seems like… I don’t know. I guess I don’t understand.”
“You really can’t see any reason why? Or… feel why?” she whispers.
“Not really,” he says. “It’s confusing to make sense of everything that goes on inside of you when you think about this.”
“Yes. I imagine.” She rises from her seat to pick up the coffee carafe, refilling her cup carefully. She uses the opportunity to take a deep breath, too. “I thought they would take you,” she continues, her voice eerily calm. “I was on my own. Mulder was gone.” She sits down again, clutching her cup tightly with both hands. “And I was just … absolutely terrified that I couldn’t protect you. Someone had already tried to take you once. I was so scared.” Her eyes fall to her coffee. “The adoption agency told me they’d find someone normal, loving, and far away. That you would be able to live a happy life.”
“A closed adoption,” Jackson says, and his jaw muscle twitches, just like Mulder’s does—which tells her that this is the most painful part. That this concealing of her identity is something that has upset him, stung him.
“It had to be,” she says. “Or I would still be a danger to you. To your new family.” Her voice breaks. “But apparently Mulder and I were a danger to you and your family anyway. I’m so sorry about that, Jackson. So sorry. I tried to keep you safe. I tried … so hard. By far the hardest thing I have ever…” She’s crying, and she can’t do anything to stop it.
Jackson watches her tears, looking perplexed. “I know,” he says. He tips his head, as if trying to see her better. “It isn’t your fault. I don’t really think they came after my parents because of you and Mulder. Probably it didn’t matter … whose kid I was in the end. It was me. It was just the fact that I existed at all.”
Scully sniffs, nodding, trying to take charge of her feelings again.
“I never wanted my children to be in danger just by the fact that they existed,” she manages. “I wanted you safe. I wanted your life to be normal.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t say my life was exactly normal,” he says, lifting his eyebrows. “It was never going to be normal.”
“As close as possible to normal then.”
“Yeah.” He nods thoughtfully. “I guess that’s what it was.”
There is a pause. Jackson taps the rim of his plate lightly with his finger.
“So there’s another one?” he asks.
“Another what?”
“You said you didn’t want your children to be in danger for the fact they existed,” Jackson says. “Not your child. You said children, like, more than one. Like plural.”
“Oh,” she says. She hadn’t realized this slip. “Yes. There was another child.” She pushes the remains of eggs around on her plate with her fork. “Once. She died long ago, before you were born.”
“I’m sorry,” Jackson says. He seems to be seriously thinking that over.
“I’ll tell you about her some time,” Scully says. “It’s not an entirely happy story, but I’ll tell you if you want.” She sets her fork down and steels herself to look at him. “The thing is, Jackson, is that I have lots I probably should tell you. And lots I could tell you, if you want to know. I’d like to do that. I’d like to … be part of your life, if you want. However that might look.”
Jackson’s eyes drift over to the window, which is busy white static. “Yeah,” he says softly, inscrutably.
“I think that’s something Mulder wants, too.”
“Yeah,” he repeats in the same tone. “He… actually wants me to live here with him and run track for the local high school. He’s thought about it. Going on runs with me and stuff.”
“Is that right?” The idea makes Scully smile. It’s just so Mulder. Not the Mulder of eighteen months ago, who was trapped in inertia, lying on a couch in frightening, stagnant darkness. But apparently the Mulder of now, who was ready to daydream about going on runs with his teen son.
“Well, he did daydream about that,” Jackson says, apparently shining her. His tone changes. “He might not be into that idea any more. We had a disagreement. He might feel different.”
Scully shakes her head in disbelief. She has no idea how to explain to Jackson how badly he has misunderstood Mulder. What are the words that could communicate this to a 13-year old, she wonders?
But then, she realizes, she doesn’t have to use words. Not with Jackson.
She closes her eyes and concentrates on a memory—a sequence of memories, really—from years ago.
Summer, just a few weeks after they first went on the run. A decrepit motel in rural Alabama. Waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of the shower running, the faintest undertone of Mulder’s sobs. Steam hitting her face as she drew back the curtain and stretched her arms out for him. My fault, Scully. You know I never really can protect anyone I love. You should get far away from me.
Jackson’s face twitches as he takes her memory in. “He was upset about me?”
“He was grieving.” She remembers how the water soaked her pajamas as she held his sobbing body, as she joined him in tears. “He hardly got a chance to be your father, and he didn’t get to say goodbye.” She clears her throat. “I don’t think he would ever stop being happy to get to spend time with you now, Jackson.”
Jackson looks down at his plate, quiet for a moment. “Why do you think Mulder can use his shine on me?”
“I don’t know,” Scully says. “My best guess is… he probably had a latent ability already, from what happened to him years ago. Maybe you somehow wake it up because of your own abilities. Maybe he’s been using it, subconsciously, to try to reach you.” She’s suddenly sad, thinking about it. “Maybe … he’s been doing it all along. For years. Without knowing.”
“And this is the first time he’s been close enough to me for it to work,” Jackson adds softly.
He stands up from the table, walking over to the window to look out at the falling snow. Scully’s eyes land on the back of his head, studying the familiar shape of his crown of brown hair. She imagines how much he will look like Mulder when he is fully grown.
“Your other child,” Jackson says in a voice of curiosity and wonder, pressing his palm on the window. “What was her name?”
***
It starts to snow almost immediately after Mulder steps outside. He puts up a pretense of going for a jog up and down Wallace Road, all the time actively scanning the horizon. No cars. No signs of anyone else out and about. Just gray sky and fluttering snowflakes.
He gives up on his fake run after about fifteen minutes and decides to come back and search the property again. It’s cold, and he’s underdressed, but he is also feeling a deep, primal pull: a compulsion to protect that he hasn’t felt in years.
The trouble is that he doesn’t quite know what this feeling means. Maybe it’s some phantom father instinct long buried in his psyche, juiced up by a painful history of losing sisters and sons.
Or maybe it’s … something else. This shine he apparently still has. Telling him to do something important for real reasons.
Regardless, something is telling him to stay out here in the snow—to keep looking.
The wind picks up, sending snowflakes spinning manically around him, an icy cyclone. Mulder spins himself around, too, looking everywhere he can see for any sign of something out of the ordinary.
His eyes land on a little cluster of trees about a hundred feet from the house. He has a sudden compulsion to go peek inside.
It’s so quiet out. Almost unnaturally so.
Snowflakes continue to whirl, winding and fluttering in a steady helix around his path. The morning light is pale and eerie. Mulder has the strange feeling he’s in a fairy tale. Like all the many snow creatures of myths and legends he has ever read about could be perched right behind any tree.
He thinks fleetingly of the Ijiraq, an Inuit shapeshifter who, according to the stories, lives in the snow and steals children. A person never actually lays eyes directly on an Ijiraq. He’s only supposed to appear in the very corner of one’s line of sight.
A nightmare, there in an instant, who takes a beloved child away forever.
On impulse Mulder turns around to look back at the house. Snow is already beginning to accumulate on the roof in stark, white veins.
Shivering a little, he turns back and walks up to the tight clutch of trees. Snowflakes have begun to melt in his hair. He’s going to be uncomfortably damp and cold.
He steps into the dark and dim cover of the overhanging branches. To his surprise, he sees a small hooded female figure standing alone there, facing away from him.
When she turns, his heart stops.
“Scully?” he whispers.
Because she is Scully.
Not Scully now, not the fiftysomething Scully inside the house he knows and loves, the Scully who has been at his side for years.
She’s Scully as he first met her: fresh faced and freckled and unblemished, the Scully who extended her hand in the basement of the Hoover building, the earnest and serious new partner who wanted to prove herself.
She is, impossibly, Scully in her twenties, standing before him in a dark wood, surrounded by a few errant snowflakes falling unhurriedly over her from the tree cover above.
Maybe this is a fairy tale. Maybe I have been bewitched.
“No. That’s not who I am.” Her voice sounds exactly like Scully of the past, too. High and precise, clear and authoritative. I’ve been assigned to work with you.
But as she steps forward, the light hitting her features more directly, he can see that what she says is correct. She’s not Scully. Just someone who looks incredibly, unbelievably like her, dressed in a sleek black coat.
“Who are you?” he demands.
Even as he speaks, he begins to realize, to remember. And as he does, he sees that this is no fairy tale at all.
“My name is Rose.”
“Rose.” He steps towards her, his legs beginning to shake.
“Yes.”
“Rose ... isn’t your real name,” he says. He’s having trouble getting words out, but his mind is racing. “I saw the song lyrics Jackson had—”
“Yes,” she says. “You’re right. But that name you’re remembering—that’s not my name anymore.”
There was no body in the coffin.
He should have thought more about it at the time. He always should have considered the possibility. Why didn’t he, even once, all these years? He had only seen the body’s disappearance as a final insult to Scully’s grief, a cruel denial of any answers or closure, but he had never asked or thought further about implications.
“How…” Mulder feels light-headed. He hasn’t had breakfast, which probably was a mistake. He doesn’t know what to start asking questions about first. He looks up, as if searching for the words around him in the trees arching above him.
“You know what it is that I am?” Rose takes a careful step away from him, looking up at the top of the maple tree. “That I’m not… entirely human?”
“Yeah.” His mouth is dry. “I think I do.”
“You knew all along, didn’t you?” She throws a look back at him, alert and curious. “Even when we met before, when she attempted the adoption—you knew what I was.”
“I had an idea,” he says, “but …we never entirely knew what was going on back then.”
“You would have let her adopt me anyway?”
Mulder can’t help a melancholy smile. “Nothing could have stopped her,” he says. “But yes. Of course. It wasn’t your fault.”
She nods, absorbing this. Then she turns to him with her incisive, Scully-like stare. “From your work, you must know I wasn’t the only one. That I wasn’t the only product of the hybrid experiments,” she says.
“Yeah,” Mulder says. He watches a single snowflake flutter downwards and lets it land on his palm, watching it melt into a speck of water. “We knew that. About other hybrids. But we also thought the hybrid program was eliminated. After the Syndicate was eliminated, in 2000 or so.”
“No. There were still some of us left,” she says. “Hybrids of different ages and purposes. Not as many as there used to be—we were reduced in number. But when I was still a kid, a group decided to band together. To form a collective for safety. There were about fifty of us left then. Mostly those you called the Kurt Crawfords, although they don’t go by that name any more either.” She picks up an icy-veined dead leaf and studies it. “There were other kids, like me. Some products of experiments like I was. Some agricultural clones.”
Mulder feels like he needs to lean against something, like the world is spinning too fast.
“They called our group the Walled Garden. At first the purpose was to take care of one another, protect ourselves. Protect those of us who were younger. We had a group of safe houses. But we’re very smart, you know. We have… gifts, some of us more than others. We were able to make investments. Buy a large amount of land in Maryland. Build laboratories. Work on projects of interest to society.”
“What kind of … projects?”
“Stopping an invasion, for one,” Rose says evenly. “We did that rather successfully. And without any violence or undue attention. Even attention from you, Agent Mulder, and you were waiting for it.”
Mulder’s mouth opens and closes in shock. “You stopped the invasion in 2012? How?”
“I’m loyal … to the Walled Garden,” Rose says, looking away. “I’m not going to share all our secrets.”
“Okay. Okay. Why are you sharing this information at all?”
“There is always disagreement about how much more we should do,” Rose replies carefully. “There are some of us who would prefer we remain scientists and engineers. There are others who would like to see us… in more powerful positions in society. They say we deserve it, because of our natural gifts and strengths.” Her mouth twists. “Some in the latter group felt like we should be protecting ourselves better, taking care of loose ends left over from the Syndicate. Jackson’s name came up as one loose end. Because, see, he’s not one of us, but he … has some of our gifts. That’s perceived as a threat.”
“So you were sent to Wyoming to stop him?” Mulder’s voice is sharp. “To kill his parents?”
Rose’s face falls, and she looks so much younger. “No.” Her big eyes are limpid and haunted, exactly like Scully’s. “No. You’re misunderstanding me. Someone was sent for that job, but not me. I went on my own—to protect him. To bring him to you. Because I knew you and Dana would take care of him.”
Suddenly Mulder remembers so clearly what she was like when he last saw her, how small and vulnerable she was, how utterly alone.
And he remembers viscerally how much Scully wanted her. How he and Scully would have taken care of her. He is flooded with a sickening sorrow, thinking about what the little girl’s life must have been like after that. After they were fooled into giving up on her.
Emily, can’t you see? There’s nothing you can do. There’s loving everywhere, but none for you.
“Most of the other hybrids,” Rose says, her voice cracking slightly, “don’t have living family. They never really did, or their mothers died. They don’t understand. But I’ve always known that I had Dana. I have always watched out for her. And for Jackson, once he was born.”
“You must have still been really young when he was born,” Mulder observes.
“I knew when he was born,” she says. “I just did. And even when I was little, I knew I could keep him safe. And when I got older, and you and Dana didn’t know where he was? I knew. I always knew.”
Mulder feels tears pool in his eyes. “Please,” he says. “Please, I beg you, Rose. Please stay here and let me go get Scully. Please let her talk to you.”
Rose digs her hands in her coat pockets, turning abruptly away.
“We thought you were dead,” he says simply. “You don’t know how the loss was for her, back then. She was … never exactly the same after that. Please let me get her. Let her see you.”
“You know, Agent Mulder,” she says, “if I were really unselfish, if I really cared about Dana or Jackson, I wouldn’t ever be in contact with any of you. Every time I do it’s a danger to everyone.”
“Why?” Mulder pushes. “Are you being watched?” He takes a cautious step towards her. “I could get her right now, and we could talk right here under the trees out of sight. It would take only a few minutes.”
“No,” Rose says, turning back to meet his eyes. There is something in her tone that stops him from arguing further. “No.”
He glances over his shoulder towards the house, his heart sinking, thinking of Scully so close inside. He thinks of her drained, gray face on the flight back from California all those years ago. The way she sat in the airplane seat with her palms subtly facing upwards, like something had just been taken from her hands.
“Maybe we can talk again,” Rose adds. Her softened, moved expression makes him wonder if she is using a shine on him, too. “There may be a way for us to meet safely. All of us. Just let me… think about it, Agent Mulder. All right?”
“Of course. You promise?”
“I do.”
“You keep calling me Agent Mulder,” Mulder says. “You do know that that isn’t my name any more either.”
“But it will be again,” Rose says. “I hear that you and Dana will be back with the F.B.I. very soon.”
He scrunches up his forehead. “How did you hear that?”
She doesn’t answer the question. Instead, she smiles a closed lip smile that looks incredibly, unsettlingly like Scully.
“You probably would have been a really good father, you know,” she says. Her voice sounds quiet and high, like a whisper. Her cheeks are pink in the cold. “You seem like it.”
“Thanks, but I don’t know about that,” Mulder says ruefully. “I’ll try to do right by him now, but I really don’t know how good I would have been at raising him. I make a lot of mistakes in every important relationship in my life.”
“I didn’t … I actually wasn’t thinking about Jackson in this case.”
“Oh.” Again he is overwhelmed by a wash of sadness. “Well.” He shivers involuntarily. “I would have done my best, Rose. We both would have.” It sounds so futile, all these empty words about time now gone, he thinks. “I wish we could have tried.”
“It wasn’t meant to be,” she says matter-of-factly, lifting her shoulder in a shrug. “There’s nothing we can do now.”
And that makes Mulder think what he has always thought when faced with that notion. When a sister or partner has disappeared. When he has lost his life’s work. When a woman he loves has been infected with a virus and spirited away to Antarctica.
There is always something you can do. There is always something else to be done.
Which is what makes Mulder begin to believe he might finally, actually be starting to get better.
***
56 notes · View notes
justagalwhowrites · 11 months
Text
Lavender - Ch. 21
When someone you dread comes to the QZ, Joel takes matters into his own hands. A continuation of Lavender Ch. 1-20 found on Tumblr here.
Tumblr media
Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader
Warnings: Description of past SA, PTSD response, torture. No use of Y/N. 18+ only, minors DNI!
Length: 7.2k
Friday, April 17, 2015 - Four Years Later 
“So you’re not going to be Dr. And Mr… Fuck, what was his name again?” Andrew snapped off a bite of jerky. 
“His first name was Simon,” you said. “I’m not actually sure if I ever got his last name.” 
“So you’re not going to be Dr. And Mr. what’s-his-name why?” 
“Because he had a weird problem with the fact that he’d sometimes have to share a bed with my best friend,” you shrugged. 
Jess groaned. 
“He was fine with it at first when he assumed the best friend had a vagina and he thought he could finagle a three way out of it,” you said, taking a drink of water. “Got a little less OK with it when I said the name Andrew…” 
“You guys don’t even do that much anymore!” Jess said. You and Andrew both looked at her for a moment. She sighed. “You do that every time I go outside the QZ don’t you.” 
“It’s like you don’t know me at all,” Andrew kissed her temple. She sighed, leaning into him. 
“Almost like he’s attached to his wife and has a hard time coping when she’s out dealing with the end of the world,” you said. “He’s just strange that way…” 
She rolled her eyes. 
“Who knew I’d be a part of the codependency club…. Well, hopefully now that the new batch of guards are coming in they won’t need me as much,” she sighed. “They’re supposed to be getting a few other people who are equipped to go help with field psych evaluations with this bunch…” 
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Andrew muttered. “They’re only after muscle, they don’t give a shit about anything else.” 
“Isn’t this group supposed to be pretty big, though?” You asked. “We’ve got Marta coming in to help with processing for health screenings in like an hour…” 
“You say that like it’s not going to just be more goons,” Andrew said. “With all the shit that’s going on… There was a shoot out just a few blocks away the other day. FEDRA’s losing their grip.” 
“They ever bug the clinic break room we’re going to be next on the executioner’s block,” you muttered. 
“Makes me nervous, talking about this stuff here,” Jess said. “No one likes it but…” 
You were quiet for a minute. 
“Any other dates coming up soon?” Jess changed the subject. “I still liked Sean…” 
“He did stick around for a bit,” Andrew nodded. “He lasted, what, four months?” 
“Yup,” you nodded. “I liked him, too. But, you know…” 
They didn’t respond. They didn’t need to. Sean had said “I love you” and had expected to hear it back. You just weren’t comfortable lying to him. He didn’t stick around long after that. 
“Nothing on the books yet,” you shrugged. “We’ll see what happens.” 
“You’re just going to end up fucking Tommy again,” Jess narrowed her eyes at you. 
“Yeah, I don’t know if I should be proud of you for figuring out how to have casual sex or if I should be frustrated with you figuring out how to do it with just one person,” Andrew said. You glared at him. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s very on brand for you…” 
“Hey,” you cut him off. “Why are we talking about my sex life? I don’t get to talk about your sex life…” 
“Ours is boring,” Jess shrugged. “Yours is way more fun.” 
You weren’t sure if fun was quite the word you’d use for it. 
Yes, you’d managed to branch out a bit since your split with Tommy. It took a few months but, when a guy in line for rations had asked if you wanted to hang out sometime, you’d said yes. Sure, you ended up having nothing in common with him but it was a start. Something you were now comfortable doing. Now you were having dates somewhat regularly. Even if you weren’t always sure you understood the point of it. 
You’d only been broken up with Tommy a few months when he showed up at your door late one night, just before curfew. You were already in bed when he knocked on your door. You frowned. Even months later, you recognized the knock. You all but jumped out of bed and tore the door open. 
“Hey Kid,” he gave you his signature, cocky smile. His bicep was bloody. 
“Of course you’re bleeding,” you sighed, opening the door. He smiled sheepishly but came inside. “You’re always fucking bleeding.”
He sat on your bed where he always had as you’d stitched him up and shrugged out of his shirt, hissing as the fabric passed over the cut on his arm. You gathered the supplies and turned on enough lights that you could see what the fuck you were doing. 
“Who’d you piss off this time?” You asked, cleaning the knife wound. It was jagged. 
“The usual,” he said. “Believe it or not, this isn’t how I wanted to see you again…” 
“Weird that you still go out and get into trouble then,” you muttered, checking the wound before starting to suture. 
“I’ve been thinking about coming by, saying hi for a few weeks,” he said. “Missed you. Weird not seein’ ya all the time. This was just… the push I needed.” 
“Everyone else OK?” You asked, glancing up at him. 
“Fine,” he said. “Tess made it out unscathed. Joel’s leg is better. He just got decked in the face this time out, which he probably deserved for somethin’ else stupid he’s done lately.” 
You laughed a bit at that. 
“Probably did.” 
By the time you’d stitched him up, it was past curfew. 
“I can take the couch,” he said, but you waved him off. 
“We shared a bed for a year,” you replied. “Just shower first, you’re gross.” 
You were reading when he climbed into bed beside you. 
“Kind of a weird place to ask it but, think we could be friends?” He said. “Meant it when I said I missed you. Don’t expect anything else but I’d like to be friends.” 
You looked at him for a second, the shadow of familiar longing in you. You ignored it. 
“I’d like to be friends, too.” 
And you were just friends, for a while. It took some adjustment but you liked Tommy as a friend. He was funny, he shared a lot of the concerns you had about FEDRA and what was going on in the world, he was unfailingly kind. 
A few weeks after you broke up with Sean, the two of you were sitting on your couch, watching a movie Tommy had found on his last trip outside the QZ, Cruel Intentions, something you’d never bothered to see before. You liked it well enough but the sex scenes… you hadn’t had sex since the split with Sean. The scenes were making you fidget on the couch, rearranging yourself to try to get some kind of relief from the ache between your legs. 
The movie finally, mercifully, ended and Tommy looked at you. 
“Proposition,” he said. 
“Shoot.” 
“We have sex.” You raised your eyebrows, he pressed on. “As friends. We’ve already done it, I have a good time, you have a good time…” 
“You’ve just got a one track mind,” you rolled your eyes at him. 
“No,” he said. “I can just tell when you’re turned on and I’m tryin’ to be a gentleman.” 
You glared at him. 
“No strings, no pesky feelings, just sex when we both want it,” he said. “That’s it.” 
You thought for a second. Could you do that? You supposed the last time you’d had sex with Joel it had been just sex. You’d kind of hoped it would be more but you knew that it wouldn’t be. 
“Just sex?” You asked. 
“Just sex,” he nodded. 
Just sex with Tommy turned out to be pretty damn fun. It wasn’t something you did all the time but it was enough to you from being too focused on the sex part on the rare occasions you did try to date someone new. It was easy enough to cut off when he found someone he was interested in or you did and easy enough to fall back into when you were both single again. 
It was during one of the “just sex” periods that Tommy brought you to meet some of his… friends. 
He’d just gotten back from a smuggling run and had a pack full of stuff when he showed up at your door with a broken finger. 
“Figured why try to fix it myself,” he teased you. You just rolled your eyes and let him in. 
“So I’ve been thinking,” he said slowly as you set his finger. You just raised your eyebrows at hm. “I’ve got to run this stuff to a meeting tomorrow night. You should come.” 
“What kind of meeting?” You frowned. 
“Just some like minded folk,” he shrugged. 
“You’re being awfully cagey, Miller,” you said. He shrugged again. You smirked a little. “I’m not going to a swingers club with you…” 
“Damn, killing all my dreams here, Kid,” he teased back. 
The next night, he came by the clinic as you were finishing, the pack on his back, and led you across town to a building that FEDRA hadn’t done anything with yet. 
Your body tensed. It reminded you of being outside the QZ, like a clicker or a raider was going to jump you at any second. 
“You’re OK,” he said quietly, leading you down a hall. There was a firefly insignia painted on the wall where he turned.
“Tommy,” you hissed. “Are you mixed up in…” 
“Just listen to what they have to say,” he said quickly. “It’s not what you think.” 
“Don’t know what the hell kind of death wish you have,” you muttered. He ignored you. 
The meeting was informal. It was Tommy, a handful of other people and a woman named Marlene who seemed to be running things. They didn’t seem to want to talk openly with you there, but they seemed to have enough understanding of whatever the fuck it was they were doing to not need to say much explicitly. Something told you that Tommy had mentioned bringing you along before. 
After the meeting, you hung back with Tommy and waited until Marlene was alone. 
“This is the friend I told you about,” he said, nodding at you. Marlene looked you over. 
“So you’re the doctor,” she said. 
“So they tell me.” 
“Tommy says you’re doing some research,” she said. You glanced at him. “I’d be curious to learn more.” 
“Not a lot to say at the moment,” you shrugged. “I’m trying to use some preexisting research on slowing the growth of fungal infections to see if I can develop a way to stop cordycep progression after transmission. Like an emergency injectable or, maybe someday, a vaccine. So we can have time to excise or amputate the infected tissue. I haven’t found anything that works yet, though.” 
“What if you thought a little bigger,” Marlene said. 
“Bigger.” 
“Bigger,” she nodded. “Bigger like a cure. Like it doesn’t matter if you’re bitten beyond needing some stitches. Bigger like we get our fucking planet back.” 
You laughed for a moment before you realized that she was being serious. 
“You’re talking about developing a cure for cordyceps,” you looked at her. 
“I am,” she said. “And I’d like your help. You don’t have to only develop what FEDRA wants…” 
“FEDRA barely tolerates the work I’m doing now,” you scoffed. “I’m not developing this for them, I started doing this on my own and my boss was willing to let me use some facilities to do it in…” 
“But a cure…” 
“A cure is so far beyond unlikely,” you said. “We have nothing to build a cure off of. Right now, I’m looking for a bandaid…” 
“Bandaids don’t do much for bullet holes,” she replied. 
“When you’re the one patching people up, you come talk to me about bandaids,” you snapped. “Until then, let the professionals handle it.” 
She laughed darkly. 
“Didn’t think you’d be such a supporter of FEDRA,” she said. 
“I’m not,” you replied. “I’m just a realist. I wish FEDRA just didn’t exist but they do and we’re stuck in the reality we’re stuck in. I’m not going to sit here and wait for some magical cure to manifest, I’m going to work with what I have and try to do what I can to make it better.” 
She considered you for a moment. 
“If your research pans out,” she said. “Would you consider sharing the formula with us?” 
“Yes,” you said. “Of course. I plan to give it to anyone who asks for it. A hope for survival shouldn’t be a tool for power, I don’t intend on just giving it to FEDRA to leverage as they see fit.” 
“We have a lab,” she said. “Out west. We could provide you all the support you’d need…” 
“No,” you shook your head. “No, I’m not going out there with infected and raiders if I can help it. And my life is here. My friends are here, the clinic, the kids at the school… I’m not going anywhere.” 
She sighed. 
“Well, Tommy knows how to reach me,” she said. “If you change your mind. Which I hope you do. You would be an asset to our mission.” 
Tommy walked you back to your place in silence. He stopped outside your door and you just sighed. 
“You’re being an idiot with them,” you said. “Don’t let it get you killed.” 
You doubted he listened to you.
Marta poked her head into the break room. 
“Just got word from the front gate,” she said. “They’re heading our way.” 
“That’s my cue,” Jess said, getting up and stealing a kiss from Andrew. “See you when you get home. Try not to wear yourself out.” 
“I make no promises,” he said. She rolled her eyes, waved by to you, and left. 
Andrew looked at you. 
“Ready to get fucked by FEDRA?” He asked. 
“Sounds like your average Friday to me,” you replied, cracking your neck, downing the rest of your water and heading to the exam area. 
Things went smoothly at first. Marta and Andrew divided the men up, each of them handling intake for half of the 100 or so troops FEDRA was sending in from other QZs and training facilities. Then, the men went back to the exam area where you and the other doctors and nurses did quick exams and sent them on their way. You were on your 14th exam when you knocked once on the exam room door and went inside, without paying much mind to the name on the chart. “Hello,” you said, opening the file. “I’m…” 
“I remember you.” 
You looked up. Your stomach clenched. You had to swallow to keep from vomiting. Your heart pounded. Your hands shook. It took everything you had to not run. 
You looked down at the file in your trembling hands, skipping over the first name and going to the last, even though it was burned in your memory, just like his face. 
McCarthy. 
“Always wondered if you’d made it through,” he smirked at you. “You look good, hardly know it’d been 12 years. How old were you then?” 
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” your throat was dry. “I’m just here to do a quick exam.” 
“Oh, c’mon now, I know what we had was more memorable than that,” he said, looking you up and down. Your stomach turned. “Know it was for me. You had… Well let’s just say, been looking for a girl to measure up since.” 
“I just need to take some vitals,” you managed, getting the blood pressure cuff off the wall. 
You barely remembered taking his vitals. Everything sounded like a high pitched whine, you could hardly hear or register anything he said. You were hyper aware of the feel of everything in your body, of every blood vessel, every muscle, every function. Breathing took conscious effort. So did blinking, swallowing. All you wanted to do was throw up. 
After what felt like an eternity, you stepped back from him. 
“You’re all set, Officer McCarthy,” you said. 
“Have to look you up now that I’ll be in town,” he smirked. “Good to know that I can just start here.” 
You knew your eyes must look like dinner plates, so wide and afraid. He seemed to like that. 
“See you around, Doc.” 
He winked, closing the door behind him. The second he was out of the room, you locked the door and doubled over the trashcan, throwing up. Your body just rejected everything you’d eaten that day, coughing and choking in its rush to expel it. 
You’d spent the last 12 years pretending that McCarthy didn’t exist. That it had never happened. When he came to mind, you tried to shove the thoughts down, tried to avoid them, deny that there was anything to think about to begin with. 
You rinsed your mouth out in the sink and tried to keep your tears under control before you rushed out of the exam room to find Dr. Lee. 
Thankfully, he was just stepping out of an exam room when you did. 
“Lee,” you said quickly. “I need you to cover for me, I have to go home.” 
He groaned. 
“Come on, we’re slammed…” 
“I know,” you said, looking up at him. “But how often do I ask to go home early? I have to go home, I can’t…” 
He looked at you and frowned. 
“Yeah,” he said. “Get out of here.” 
You all but sprinted for the door and out into the sun. You took moment when you got outside, doubling over with your hands on your knees to catch your breath before starting your walk home. You needed to curl up under your blanket, feel safe in your own space. It seemed like you might snap in half if you didn’t. You’d just started to calm down, to get your heart to stop racing, when McCarthy stepped out from an alley and grabbed your wrist, pulling you back down it with him. 
You froze as he put your back against the wall, his arms caging you in. 
“Now I know you remember me, pretty thing,” he smirked. “I’m the guy who saved your life, the lives of those kids you were with, you wouldn’t forget a guy like me…” 
“You have me confused with someone else,” you could barely talk. He ran his nose over your cheek, smelling you. 
“Bet you still feel the same,” he said. “Bet I could find out…” 
“Please,” you choked. “I just…” 
“Hey!” 
Suddenly McCarthy’s body was pulled away from yours and Joel was in front of you. 
“The fuck is this?” He asked, facing McCarthy. Your hand went to your chest, clutching the fabric of your shirt, desperate to get your heart to slow down. “Because it looked an awful lot like you were hasslin’ this girl.” 
“No trouble,” he said. “Just… an old friend. We go way back, all the way back to the outbreak. Don’t we, Sugar?” 
Joel looked over his shoulder to you but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. 
“Get the fuck out of here,” Joel snapped. “Catch you botherin’ her again you’ll regret it.” 
“Careful who you talk to,” McCarthy tried to step up to him, but Joel had several inches on him. “Probably don’t want to piss off a FEDRA officer.” 
“I don’t give a shit who I piss off,” he growled. “Get the fuck out.” 
He stood there and watched him go before he turned to you. 
“Hey, Baby,” he said gently, reaching for you. You flinched back, your stomach turning. 
“Please don’t touch me,” you managed. 
“I just want to help…” he began but you cut him off. 
“I know,” you said. “But just… don’t touch me, please don’t touch me, just don’t touch me…” 
“Won’t touch you,” he said, hands up. “Promise.” 
You nodded quickly, trying to not hyperventilate. 
“Want to talk about it?” He asked, standing close enough that he could catch you if you fell, far enough that you didn’t feel like you needed to cower away from him. You managed to shake your head. “Want me to get someone? Like Andrew or Jess or… I could get Tommy.”
You just shook your head again, holding onto the wall, trying desperately to ground yourself. Joel hovered, watching you. 
“I’ll be fine,” you glanced up at him. “You don’t need to stay…” 
“Not going to just leave you here like this,” he said, voice gruff. “Especially if you won’t tell me why.” 
“Doesn’t matter,” you said, standing up straight and leaning back against the wall. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes and focusing on your diaphragm, pushing it low in your stomach to draw as much air into your lungs as you could. You breathed out slowly. 
“You left work early for it,” he said. You lifted your head off the wall and opened your eyes, looking at him. He shrugged. “I try to stay away from you. Usually safe over here right now.” 
You scoffed a little. 
“Didn’t know I made it unsafe for the big bad smuggler,” you tried to smile but you weren’t sure that it worked. Judging from Joel’s expression, it didn’t. “Really, it’s fine. I’m just going to go home, have a drink, put on some music. Maybe take a bath. I’m fine.” 
“Who was the asshole?” He asked. 
You winced. 
“I really don’t want to talk about it, Joel,” you said. “I just really don’t, OK? Please don’t make me. And please don’t say anything to anyone about it, I’d just rather pretend this never happened, OK?” 
“Tell me who he is and I’ll drop it,” he said. “Won’t tell anyone.” 
You searched his face for a moment. 
It had been a long time since you’d been this close to Joel. Probably since the night you’d walked him back to the QZ with his broken leg. 
It hadn’t been as complete of a shut out as the year before, at least. Not this time. You’d occasionally bumped into him when out running errands. He’d give you a nod of acknowledgement, which was better than you’d really expected. He’d come into the clinic once - you saw him in the waiting room - but Andrew put him with another doctor. You’d even seen him once at his apartment. You’d come by when Tommy said to meet him there, he’d said not to worry about Joel. But Joel came home as you stood in his living room, waiting for Tommy to grab the last of whatever it was he needed for whatever it was you were going to do - you’d since forgotten all that, too distracted by seeing Joel. He’d just stood there for a second, frozen, looking at you. You’d smiled tightly at him. He just went to his room, brushing past Tommy on his way by. 
His hair was starting to gray, but otherwise, he looked the same as he had for as long as you’d known him. His picture was still on your bedside table. You slipped it into a drawer if you were having Tommy over or you were seeing someone but outside of that, you had a reminder of what he looked like before beside you all the time. It still killed you to look at him, made your heart ache with missing him and who he was to you once. 
In spite of everything that had happened between you, you didn’t think he would hurt you on purpose. 
“I don’t know his first name,” you said, looking down at his feet. “His last name is McCarthy.” 
You managed to look back at his face. 
“Please, Joel,” you begged. “Don’t tell anyone, please don’t tell anyone. I just want to pretend like it never happened and I can’t… if people know I…” 
You were starting to hyperventilate again. You closed your eyes and forced yourself to take a deep breath and hold it for a moment before releasing it slowly. You looked back at Joel. 
“I’ll do just about whatever you want, just please don’t tell anyone,” you said quietly. 
“Won’t tell anyone,” he said. 
You nodded, relieved. 
“I’m walkin’ you home though,” he frowned. “In case that fucker shows up again.” 
You just nodded, not feeling up for fighting with him. You tried to gather yourself for a moment and then started off, Joel staying an almost awkward distance from you as you made your way through the QZ. Like he wanted to be close but not so close that he might risk accidentally touching you or have someone thinking you were walking anywhere together. He didn’t say anything, just looked over at you every minute or two like you were a bomb he was expecting to explode. 
“Thank you,” you said, stopping at the communal door to your building. “I appreciate your help with him. I wasn’t prepared for that, I will be now.” 
He just nodded gruffly. 
“It was…” you paused. “I don’t know if good to see you is the right word but… It was nice. Seeing you.” 
He paused, looking you over for a moment. 
“You too.” 
He crossed his arms, watching you. It took you a second to realize that he was waiting for you to go inside. You opened the door. 
“Night, Joel.” 
“Night, Kid.” 
***
Joel waited until you were inside to go lean against the building opposite yours, in an alcove where he was tucked away and largely out of sight. He was pretty certain this McCarthy fucker hadn’t followed you but he wasn’t about to take any chances. 
Whatever that asshole had done, it was bad. Joel had only ever seen you that horrified once, when a raider had his hand around your throat. The way you’d panicked when he’d reached for you… 
He ground his teeth. He needed to know what this man did to you so he could make sure it wouldn’t happen again. 
Joel stood sentry outside your apartment for hours. After the clinic closed, he saw Andrew go up, but he was only there for a few minutes. You must have lied to him, he doubted he would have left if you’d told him the truth of it. He waited until curfew was only minutes away and went home, making it inside just in time. 
“Out late,” Tommy observed, sitting on the couch. 
“Got held up,” he said. 
“Trade go bad?” He asked. 
“Turned out OK,” Joel replied. 
Tommy didn’t press. He wondered if you’d ever told Tommy whatever had happened. The two of you had stayed close after breaking up, you might have told him something you’d never told Joel… 
He could think of just one person who would almost certainly know. McCarthy had mentioned the outbreak. Andrew must know, must have some idea. 
Tommy went to bed but Joel stayed up. He’d told you that he wouldn’t tell anyone. You’d begged him not to tell anyone. But he needed to keep you safe and to do that, he needed to understand the threat. But what you didn’t know wouldn’t hurt you. 
The moment curfew lifted in the morning, Joel was out the door, walking quickly to Andrew’s. He had to pound on the door a few times and it took a few minutes for him to answer, looking half asleep. 
“Miller,” he said, stifling a yawn. “Thought I wouldn’t have to deal with your shit anymore.” 
“McCarthy,” Joel said quickly. “FEDRA guard. Name mean anything to you?” 
Andrew’s eyes went wide for a moment before he grabbed Joel by the shoulder and pulled him inside, closing the door behind him. 
“Where’d you hear that name,” he asked. He looked wide awake now. 
“Not important,” Joel said. “Who is he. What’d he do to her.” 
“He here?” Andrew growled. 
“Tell me what he did.” 
He looked Joel up and down before he laughed darkly. 
“God, you never even tried with her, did you?” He asked. “To busy with your own shit so she never told you…” 
“What did he do.” 
Andrew glanced down the hall, making sure Jess was still asleep and looked back to Joel, his voice low. 
“He fucking raped her is what he did,” he spat. Joel’s stomach twisted. “She’s never called it that, she never calls it anything. She likes to pretend it never happened but that’s what it was.” 
“What happened.” Joel’s teeth were clenched. His whole body was coiled like a spring. He needed to hit something, the energy and rage needed to go somewhere. 
“We came to a check point,” Andrew said. “Two guards, both armed, three of us. I was a kid, I was 18 but I was a kid and Jessica… She was trying to take care of us. They had guns and he told her the way to get through, made it clear he’d start shooting if she didn’t listen. She gave me the gun, told me to protect Jessica, he took her to the woods… She never told me what happened, she never talked about it. She just came out different. I should have fucking killed him, I should have shot him the second she gave me the gun…” 
Joel felt like he was going to be sick. He’d left you. You’d been alone with two children and his child inside you and you’d been forced…
“Where is he?” Andrew snarled. “I’m going to rip him apart…” 
“One of us needs to be there for her and it can’t be me,” Joel replied. “Needs to be you. She trusts you. You take care of her, I’ll take care of him.” 
Andrew looked like he wanted to fight him for it but eventually he gave him just a single, stiff nod. Joel turned to leave before he turned back to him. 
“Pretend you don’t know,” he said. “Promised I wouldn’t say anything but… Couldn’t protect her if I didn’t know what I was protecting her from.” 
“When are you doing it?” Andrew asked. 
“Today,” he said. “I’m going to hers now, make sure he doesn’t show up. I’ll get her to work OK and take care of him, dump him somewhere tonight.” 
“He shows up at the fucking clinic and I’ll kill him,” Andrew said, his voice eerily calm. “I don’t give a shit.”
Joel nodded once. This was the first time he remembered ever really liking Andrew. He could leave you in his hands at the clinic and you would be safe, that he knew. 
He all but ran to your apartment, leaning against the building across from yours, waiting for you to come downstairs. He’d been waiting for about an hour when he spotted you. You’d French braided your hair, like you were expecting a long day. You hadn’t put on ribbons. 
He caught you quickly. 
“Good morning,” he said, falling into step beside you. You nearly jumped out of your skin. “Sorry, wasn’t tryin’ to scare you.” 
“What are you doing here?” You asked, frowning up at him. 
“Making sure you get to work safe,” he said. You clearly hadn’t slept, you looked exhausted. 
“I’m fine, really,” you said, continuing on. Joel walked beside you. You frowned at him again but didn’t argue the point. He walked you to the front door of the clinic in silence, you just giving him a tight smile and a small wave before going inside. Joel found a spot near the door he could wait, make sure McCarthy didn’t come in before Andrew got there. 
Andrew spotted him on his way in, stepping over to him and keeping his voice low. 
“He probably came in with the transfer guards that showed up yesterday,” he said quietly. 
“Temp housing,” Joel said. 
“Exactly,” Andrew replied. He looked Joel up and down. “Good luck, Miller.” 
With your friend on site, Joel finally felt safe leaving you. 
Moving to hurt the man who hurt you quickly eased the tightness in his chest. He may have failed you 12 years ago but he wasn’t going to fail you now. 
He went home and got supplies. He didn’t intend to make McCarthy’s death easy. He needed to make sure he had what he needed to make it worthwhile. 
Joel stood at the edge of the small market that was near the temporary housing for FEDRA employees. He figured McCarthy would need to come through here at some point. He was right. 
Shortly after noon, McCarthy came through the stands, pondering what there was to buy. Joel waited until precisely the right moment, reaching out and grabbing the man by his collar and pulling him into a darkened alleyway. He yelped but it wasn’t loud and it didn’t take the man long to recognize Joel. 
“You again,” he smirked. “Here to apologize?” 
“Here for information,” he growled. “What did you do to her.” 
“To who?” The man smirked challenging him. 
It was a dumb move. Joel was so mad he couldn’t see straight. He grabbed the man by the throat and thrust him into the wall, hard enough to make him cough and choke. 
“Tell me,” he demanded. 
Now, the man just looked scared. He punched McCarthy hard across the face, enough to knock him out, and slung him over his shoulder, moving quickly for the abandoned building he’d spotted earlier. 
He ducked inside, going for an interior room where his screams wouldn’t be heard. 
There was a chair in the room, and old folding one. He tied the man to the chair and smacked him to bring him around. 
“What the fuck?” He looked around, straining against his ties, his eyes wide. “You don’t know who you’re fucking with…” 
“I know exactly who I’m fucking with,” Joel said. “I think it’s you who doesn’t know.”
He pulled out his knife and took the second chair and pulled it up close to McCarthy’s, getting right in his face. 
“Tell me what you did to her,” Joel said. 
“Look,” he said quickly. “It was the outbreak…” 
Joel sighed, opening the knife and shoving it into the man’s thigh. He screamed, doubling over as well as he could given his bonds. Joel smiled. 
“You’re going to tell me what you did to her,” he said. “I want to know it all. Tell me what you did to her.” 
“Please,” he whimpering now. “I swear…” 
Joel pulled a pair of pliers from his pocket. He held McCarthy’s head still as the man started begging and pleading. It fell on deaf ears. He pressed the pliers around his one of his middle teeth and pulled. 
It felt good, expending energy this way. He was taking action, doing something. It didn’t even feel like he needed to pull that hard. 
McCarthy screamed, blood pouring from his mouth. Joel gave him a moment to catch his breath, watching him bleed. He liked his blood. He wanted to see more of it. 
“What did you do to her?” He asked through clenched teeth. 
“She wanted it!” He sobbed. 
“Wrong answer,” Joel ripped the knife from his leg and thrust it into his shoulder. The man screamed again. “What did you do to her.” 
“Took her into the woods!” He screamed, panting for breath. Joel gave him a minute to pant. He could wait. 
After a minute he spoke again. 
“How did you get her to the woods, McCarthy?” He asked. The man’s eyes glistened with tears. 
“I…” his voice cracked. “I told her I could give them a code to get through the other checkpoints in exchange…” 
“In exchange for what?” Joel patted the man’s knife wound on his leg. He cried out again. 
“In exchange for sex!” He cried out. “I told her I’d trade sex for safe passage, said I didn’t know the next time I’d see a woman, I didn’t want to waste it…” 
“Did you have a gun?” Joel asked. The man looked confused. He grabbed his face, holding his cheeks harshly in his fingers, forcing him to look at Joel. “When you told her you’d trade for sex, did you have a gun?” 
“Yes,” he sobbed. “Yes, I had a gun…” 
“So you threatened her,” he said. “You threatened her and the children she was with.” 
“No,” he man moaned. “That’s not… I swear, it wasn’t like that…” 
Joel sighed and pulled the knife from the man’s shoulder before he thrust it into his uninjured leg. McCarthy wailed. 
“I threatened her!” He panted, gasping. “I knew what I was doing, I wanted her and knew how I could get it so I threatened her…” 
“And you took her into the woods,” Joel said. The man nodded. “With your gun.” He nodded again. “What did you do then?” 
“Told her to get undressed,” he groaned. “Told her she had great tits… once she was naked, told her to lie down…” 
He choked and cried. Joel sighed, reaching over and smacking his face, forcing him to look at him. 
“Then what,” Joel’s voice was harsh. 
“I…” he swallowed. He looked terrified. “I got on top of her…” His voice broke. “Please….” 
“What. Next.” 
“I put my dick in her,” he groaned. He was crying now. “I fucked her…” 
“That’s not what you did, is it?” Joel grabbed his hair, holding his face close to his own. “Call it what it was McCarthy!” He screamed it. “What did you do to her!” 
“I raped her,” he sobbed it out. Joel released his hair. 
“Where’d you touch her,” he asked. He looked confused. “You touched her when you raped her, right? Where.” 
“Her chest,” he sniffed. “Hips, waist…”
Joel remembered the parts of you that made you freeze when he touched them, parts of you that never made you freeze before. He wasn’t sure you even knew you did it. Now he knew why.
“That it?” Joel asked. He nodded. “You cum in her?” 
“Please…” 
Joel pulled the knife from his leg. 
“You don’t seem to fucking get it,” he growled, getting in his face. “I like hurting you. I want to hurt you. I don’t need much reason to but you saying please? Makes me want to hurt you more. I want to fucking flay you alive every time I hear you beg. So answer the goddamn question,” Joel thrust the knife into McCarthy’s other shoulder. “Or I will do what I want.” 
“Yes!” He cried it out. “I did, I came in her…” 
Joel sat back, panting for breath for a moment, looking McCarthy up and down. He was covered in blood. He was weak, slumped over like he couldn’t hold himself up.  
Joel wasn’t done with him. 
“You know she was pregnant when you did that?” He asked. McCarthy lifted his head just enough to look at Joel. He shook his head. “Well, she was. With my kid.” 
He stood up, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows. 
“I wasn’t there to protect her then,” he said, flexing his fingers before curling them into fists. “But I am now. Can’t let you live with what you did, McCarthy. I have to kill you for her. But when I make it hurt? That’s for me.” 
He swung, punching him in the middle of his stomach, knocking the air out of him. 
“And I’m going to like it.” 
***
The clinic had been fairly quiet that day, quiet enough that your mind wandered to places you didn’t want it to. 
Andrew was no help. He was oddly withdrawn, only really responding when prompted, not initiating much conversation himself. But he didn’t fight you when you put on Joni Mitchell, so you were taking what you could get. You were dreading going home but didn’t have a reason to tell Andrew you wanted to sleep over, either. You were debating about how up front you wanted to be when there was yelling outside the clinic. 
“Help!” Someone screamed. You looked to Andrew for just half a second before running for the doors. 
Two FEDRA soldiers were hauling in a third man, holding him by his underarms and knees, the man’s body totally limp. He was so covered in blood you were almost certain he couldn’t still be breathing. 
“Jesus Christ,” you said before yelling over your shoulder. “Kristen! Trauma!” You turned your attention back to the men. “What happened?” 
“Don’t know,” one said. “Just found him like this, he transferred in with us there’s no way someone here hates him enough to do this yet…” 
“Let’s get him back,” you said, Kristen running up to you as you headed back toward the exam rooms and the surgical suite. “We need O-, a lot of it…” She glanced around you to the injured man.
“Not sure that’ll make a damn difference,” she said but she ran to obey. 
“We’ll start him in an exam room,” you said quickly. “Want to try to maintain a sterile area in the OR but I’m sure we’ll need it…” 
They carried him into the exam room and lifted him onto the table. You quickly washed your hands and gloved up before diving in, looking the man over. Kristen ran in with the O- and quickly hung it as you cleaned up a place on his arm to start a transfusion. 
“Do you even know who this is?” You asked the men who carried him in. The man’s face was beaten beyond any kind of recognition. His lower lip was barely hanging on, eyes swollen shut, nose crushed. 
“He had his dog tags,” one man said. “It’s Lewis McCarthy…” 
You froze, your stomach twisting. Your head spun. 
“Doc, I don’t think we can do much here,” Kristen said from McCarthy’s side. “He’s lost so much blood…” 
“We should try,” you said, on autopilot. You tried to find the worst injuries on the man. He was missing teeth. He’d been stabbed numerous times. His whole body was covered in blood and bruises, not a single inch of him left unscathed. You swallowed before pulling down his pants to see what might be on his legs when you saw it. 
“Oh my God,” you jumped back from the table and into Andrew, who’d come into the exam room at some point and you hadn’t noticed. He caught you. 
“What?” Kristen asked before looking herself. “Oh!”
She jumped back, too. 
Where McCarthy’s penis had been, there was nothing. Just an open wound. One of the men who brought him in gagged and ran for the trash can, throwing up. You stared at it, the place where the part of him he’d weaponized against you had been torn away. Andrew held onto you. 
“We’re losing him,” Kristen said, her hand on his neck. “Doc, I don’t think… there’s nothing we can do here, there’s nothing we can do with this.” 
You nodded, shaking as Andrew kept you upright. He looked to the men. 
“You should go,” he said. “Don’t need to see this.” 
They nodded, trembling as they left. 
“I’ll go get a bag,” Kristen said, staring wide eyed at him. “Stuff to start clean up…” 
She left you and Andrew alone with the body. 
“Andrew,” you whispered. “Did you talk to Joel?” 
“He had questions,” he said, voice flat. 
“Oh my God,” you stared at the body. “What did he do?” 
“The right thing,” he said, squeezing your shoulder. “The right fucking thing.” 
A/N: AHHHHHHH THE McCARTHY CHAPTER. I've been waiting for Joel to go off on him since chapter 8 and we finally got here. So satisfying to write, hopefully satisfying to read!
There is a taglist for this story! If you're interested in being added, comment below. If I've missed you in the past, please comment and let me know!
Thank you, everyone, for reading and commenting! It's been a dream to see how people feel about this piece while I'm writing it. Love you all, thank you for taking the time to read my work <3
Taglist: @paleidiot@ayamenimthiriel@ginger-swag-rapunzel@drewharrisonwriter@flugazi @pedropascalsbbg@taoyuji@starstruckmusiciansartghost@splendsay@bigboiseason123@jpbplvr @ashleyandring @mrsyixingunicorn10@sloanexx@ninaminaromina @lady-bellyn
239 notes · View notes