#i need to give the rest of them emojis at some point

[ghosts-cant-sleep]

Heeeeyyy, never requested anything but i think i'll give it a shot because i really like the way you write! You're really talented :]

Mayhaps a simon "ghost" riley x male reader? Reader is very provocative and loves getting reactions out of people, no matter if they are amused chuckles or annoyed groans. BUT Ghost is a brick wall and reader sees it as a challenge? Im sure your beautidul mind will come up with something interesting!

May i have the "🦇" as my anon emoji? (If its not taken of course!)

Thanksss, have an amazing day/night!

you can whistle for it

simon 'ghost' riley x male! reader

warnings: idk how spotting works im just basing it off of that one american sniper scene kinda, suggestive innuendos, stupid jokes, not proofread,

notes: i love specific anons sm :3 yall r so cute :3 ofc u can have 🦇 :3 lysm :3

fem dni.

"Y'know, Lieutenant, I've been thinking-"

"I doubt that."

"-You, me, alone under the stars... It's pretty romantic, don't'cha think?"

"No."

A heavy sigh pushes past [Name]'s lips, hia breath blooming into a faint mist of white, fading into the deep blues of the sky hanging high above them.

The snow crunches bellow his elbows with every breath, laying thick over the plantlife. Frost coated the leaves that shrouded the pair, snowfall left the branches bending under the weight, there wasn't even a peep from the local fauna.

And oh god, what he wouldn't give to be warm like them, huddled in a burrow, coat all he'd need to keep warm. Instead, he was left in thick, stiff winter gear, the cruel wind biting at the tip of his nose in spite of the fleece-lined gaiter.

Hell, he was surprised his rifle wasn't crusted in ice.

He wasn't surprised, however, to deduce that the poor weather seemed to reflect on his lieutenant's mood, as if being stuck on overwatch for hours on end wasn't bad enough.

[Name] laid with his cheek resting on the stock of his gun, index finger lazily tapping against the trigger gaurd to some unrecognized rhythm.

And Ghost was right beside him, nearly hyper focused on spotted. Each had their eyes trained on their respective scopes, and both were miserable.

Aching backs, necks swiftly growing sore, eye's dry, lips cracking, and faces all kn all feeling like they'd be ready to freeze off any moment now. And that's not even mentioning that this was the fourth time Ghost had essentially requested [Name] shut his mouth in the past thirty minutes they'd been in the field, which was frustrating enough for both of them.

And excuse him for not wanting to waste his night sulking in silence, but making the best out of a less than steller situation didn't seem to be something Ghost was capable of.

It was charming, in its own annoying little way-- the relentless chatter and constant quips and jokes, even if they sometimes boarded on ridiculously unprofessional. Whether it be an annoyed groan, a flustered chuckle, or a reluctant smile masked with a roll of their eyes, his little antics never failed to coax out some reaction.

Almost never.

And in all honesty, this self inflicted, fruitless journey to get so much as a scoff out of Ghost wasn't even the point anymore. Sure, to be met with anything other than stubborn apathy would be a breath of fresh air, not to mention satisfying after so long of any and all jokes, swipes, and thinly veiled innuendo being shut down with little remorse would be a delight. But now? [Name] just wanted something to distract himself from the cold that clung to his skin.

So, as always, to Ghost's dismay, he gives it another go.

Dispite himself, another sigh is huffed out. He glances over to Ghost, the sight of something other than his reticle feeling foreign.

"So..." He starts, situating his sights back to his scope. "You got a girlfriend or anything?"

He found the idea a little funny. The image of this big, stoic man holding hands or otherwise being sweet on some pretty little lady.

There's a stretch of silence, expectantly so, and [Name]'s already racking his brain for something-- anything, to say next.

"No."

The low rumble of Ghost's voice takes him by surprise, but it'd be foolish to dwell on it long. An answer's an answer.

"Figured," [Name] mutters out, adjusting the grip on his gun, rolling out shoulders in an attempt to ease the discomfort that's begun to festerbetweenhia shoulder blades. "Does that mean you're up for grabs then?"

Only the whistle of wind responds this time.

"I'll take that as a maybe." He might as well have been aimlessly talking to himself. Hell, that would've been more entertaining than this.

"Y'know, I'm sure deep down you do think I'm funny." Told you; relentless. Still, despite the smile hidden behind his mask and the slightly forced crinkle in his eye, [Name] couldn't quite hide the irritation growing thick in his own throat.

"I think you're a distraction," Ghost is swift to correct, his balaclava doing little to hide the annoyance in his tone. "A liability if you're not careful, so do shut up."

[Name] can't help but shake his head, a sharp huff pulling from his throat. Sure Ghost was his superior, and by no means were they supposed to be all buddy-buddy with one another. But jesus fucking christ, would it hurt to crack smile. Hell, even Price offers a pitty laugh on the rare occasion.

"It wouldn't kill you to have some damn fun one in a while." The words leave his mouth before his can think better of it, tounge sharp.

"It might," Ghost is quick to retort with just as much bite. For the first time since they settled down, his eyes leave the spotter, sending a well received warning glare [Name]'s way. "Give it a rest, yeah?"

Be it the weather, the job, a wave of bravery, or simply just [Name]'s long overdue annoyance reaching its peak, he, in fact, does not give it a rest.

"It's like you're scared of saying something interesting for once."

"Maybe I'll let you chew on some lead to shut you up. That interesting enough?"

"Christ."

Every stretch on silence is near unbearable. It feels like even the wind still in these moments. [Name] would prefer a constant flood of berating and hardly enjoyable banter from Ghost far more than this.

The tension of the moment breifly lingers before it disapates just as swiftly as it had arrived, the tension in [Name]'s chest easing. He lets out a soft breath, his grip adjusts, his elbows sink furth into the snow.

"Well-" Ghost interjects with gruff sigh, "-Soap told me you like jokes."

"Did he, now?"

"Where do generals keep their armies?"

"Up their sleevies."

"God dammit, Ghost."

[Name] purses his lips, effectively splitting it down the center, the heat from the sting made all the worse by the every present chill. He had more pressing matters to worry about. "Why do snipers aim with one eye closed?"

"Sergeant."

"Humor me-- just this once, and I swear I'll shut up for the rest of the night." An obvious lie. However, Ghost doesn't try to correct it. "...Why do snipers aim with one eye closed?"

"...Why?"

"If they closed both, they wouldn't be able to see."

Yet another discontent sigh leaves Ghost's mouth. But, [Name] could've sworn he almost heard a smile forcing its way onto Ghost's face as he spoke. "Now are you done?"

[Name]s response isn't instantaneous. His head lifts from the small of the stock, gaze leaving the scope and finding Ghost beside him.

Ghost was still, near statuesque if it weren't for the soft puffs of breath that seeped through the thick knit of his mask. [Name] knew Ghost liked being behind the trigger more than anything, but he was sure Ghost's ego swelled, even if just a tad, over being the one chosen to spot instead.

Only when Ghost's eyes meet [Name]'s does he retreat back to his scope. Still, he let's his stiff face pull into a grin. "Say whatever you want, but I think I am starting to get to you, Lieutenant."

"Oh, piss off." This time, he hears Ghost shift around in place, a tired groan accompaning the shifting of snow beneath him. "Just quiet down before I show you how to put that mouth of yours to good use for once."

"Awe, c'mon now, you-- huh?"

#sitting in the back of a pizza hut writing fanfiction is maybe a little loser coded #that being said tumblr mobile is the devil #cod x male reader #cod x reader #ghost x male reader #mw2 x reader #x male reader #mw2 x male reader #cod mw2 #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #male reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley x male reader #simon riley x male reader

[fluffyselfships]

hopping on this trend because i couldn't resist drawing all my fools together <3

#i dont like wearing dresses so #pink suit!!!<3333 #i need to draw my sona in suits more often #anyways #❄️winter wonder babe🩵 #📚antiquarian cutie👓 #🧊iceman👑 #🔪my devil guy🥩 #garebear #homefry #i need to give the rest of them emojis at some point #oh well #i love them sm #f/o #self ship #self insert #self shipping #selfship #mod bun🐰

[weird-is-life]

Hiii! I was thinking about a Spencer reid x wife!reader request where the team doesn't know that Spencer is married. One night the team goes to a bar and Spencer is *forcefully* dragged along because he wanted to spend his night cuddling with reader (but he couldn't tell the team that). So he practically pouts the whole time and the team (Morgan) teases him until reader surprises Spencer by showing up to the bar and then he has to explain that he's married. Thanksss!! <33

Hii lovely, ty for this request! Hope this is okay🥰 warnings: use of y/n, pet names, mentions of drink(0.7k)

Spencer, despite his loud protests, is sitting in the bar with the rest of the team. Between sipping his drink and frowning very visibly, he keeps texting you.

He doesn't want to spend the night at the bar with the team(even though he loves them very much), but he loves you more and wants nothing else but to cuddle with you in the soft bed. He hasn't seen you in a week and he, hopelessly, needs you close to him or he might die.

His texts are all desperate, too. He only complains to you through them. And at one point, he sends you so many sad emojis, that you think your phone is going to explode from all of the notifications. So you make very irrational decision and go to the bar.

"Pretty boy, if you don't stop frowning any time soon, I might get offended," Derek teases him," I thought you loved us!"

Everybody laughs and it only makes Spencer pout more, "I'm just not in the mood for being here tonight."

"Yeah? And where would you rather be, huh?"

"Home-"

"With who? Sulking alone with a book?" Derek jokes.

"No, with-..." Spencer almost says your name, "yeah, it would be just me and my peace." He scowls some more. Taking another sip from his drink. He also looks at his phone, pouting, because you've stopped responding to his text.

"Oh come on, Spencer. Don't be like this, you can at least pretend you are happy to be here," Penelope adds, glaring at him (playfully).

"I'm sorry, guys. I just-" he stops himself in the middle of the sentence, because the bartender puts another glass of coke in front of him.

"Umm excuse me, but I didn't order this-"

"This is from the woman at the bar," she points and his eyes follow her finger in the same direction.

It takes him probably like a half a second to recognise you and he is immediately up on his legs, basically running towards you.

He takes you into his arms and spins you around happily, all you manage to do is smile and squeel.

When he finally puts you down, he kisses you deeply. You instantly kiss him back. You pull apart after a few seconds and you breathlessly greet him, huge smile painting your lips, "hi Spence."

"Sweetheart," he says delighted, "what are you doing here?"

"I couldn't leave you being all miserable here, love" you say softly, running your hands through his soft curls, "I missed you."

"I missed you, too. So much," he almost whines and hugs you tightly once again. He is so happy, that you are there, that he could cry.

While you two share this sweet moment, the whole team is gaping at you, mouths and eyes wide open.

You have direct view of them over Spencer's shoulder.

"Babe, I think, we have some explaining to do," you giggle, burying your face into his shoulder.

"I know, but i don't want to," he protests, he wants to only stay close to you.

You push yourself out of his embrace, despite his disapproval, and let him lead you towards the table.

All eyes are on you and you do feel a bit shy under all of their intense gazes. Spencer squeezes your hand in support.

"Guys, this is...-well- this is y/n, y/n Reid," he gives them a proud smile. Somehow it's possible for them to look even more confused.

"Wait what, did you just say Reid?" Derek questions.

"Yes, I did," he says smugly, "team, meet my lovely, gorgeous wife." There's a complete silence for a couple of seconds, before Derek speaks up

"I think, I've missed a few chapters here or?" Derek voices out what everyone is thinking.

"I must have had, too," everybody agrees, while looking at you like they are seeing a ghost.

Before Spencer can start rambling, you jump in to save the situation. "It's so nice to finally meet you guys, I've heard so much about you all," you smile big at them, "I know this must be really shocking to you. But me and Spencer will answer any questions you have."

You speaking seems to bring them out of the shock and it takes them only a short moment to introduce themselves. You are ushered to sit next to the girls, which you are glad for. While Spencer gets a few 'my boy' proud pats on his shoulder from Derek.

You answer every single one of their questions and you and Spencer exchange happy smiles the whole night.

But as soon as you can, you are out of there. And Spencer finally gets to hold you in the bed. Snuggling you close to his chest.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n

[impactedfates]

I got a pretty angsty (hurt/comfort) idea :D

so the post with dan heng and kidnapped!teen reader, what if reader was very traumatized after being kidnapped, like they barely talk dont get out of their room etc.

character is dan heng, thank youu

★ A/N: I nearly forgot about that fic haha. Had a small reread so I can write something :>

☆ Genre/Trope: Platonic + Familial + Hurt/Comfort?

★ Format: Bullet Pointed Scenarios

☆ Warnings: Mentions of kidnapping

★ Extra: Short // Big Brother Dan Heng // Pt1 here

Dan Heng isn't surprised by how you're acting. He understands you'd need space and won't force you out of your room.

He does however still want to ensure you're healthy and happy as you can be. So when it's time for breakfast, lunch, dinner etc. He'll knock on the door to signal it was time to eat but leave a plate of food for you outside your door. So you won't be forced to join them but can still eat.

He'd hide behind a wall and waits. Waits till he sees you taking the food before he goes and eats his own with the rest of the express.

He also leaves gifts outside, giving a small knock before leaving.

He'd also give daily texts to check on your wellbeing, he doesn't mind if you don't reply. Even if you react to his message/reply to it with an emoji he's fine. He just wants some indication that you're still doing well.

When you do start slowly coming out of your room, he won't make a big deal out of it. He doesn't want you to feel bad about staying in your room, deep down though. He will be glad you're feeling much better since the incident.

Sorry that it's short haha, hopefully you like it anyways.

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr x reader #hsr x you #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail x reader #hsr imagines #platonic hsr #hsr platonic #Dan Heng x Reader #Dan Heng x You #Platonic Dan Heng x Reader #Platonic Dan Heng x You #🎭 masked fools

[incorrectbatfam]

i just read the wayne family adventures chapter that released yesterday and i'm in need of some steph and damian headcanons

They've gotten into the most arguments over who gets to drive the Batmobile

Damian: "I'll drive"

Steph: "You're twelve"

Damian: "And yet I still drive better than you"

Bruce sides with Steph and ten minutes later Damian is gripping for dear life as she goes twenty miles over the speed limit

Steph sends a multiple-paragraph story about her mission abroad with pictures, emojis, and a hundred exclamation points, only for Damian to reply, "k"

Having food around is legitimately stressful because Damian is a growing boy who will eat everything. Steph gets up to grab a drink with her muffin and comes back to a wrapper and crumbs

He offers to pack her lunch when Alfred's hands are too full. Steph takes him up on it, thinking Alfred already made something. She doesn't check her lunchbox until later, when she finds a brick of tofu and Tupperware full of grapes

Steph reminisces about an old TV show and for the rest of the day Damian copies everything she says in an old person voice

Then Damian asks what a Walkman is and it's Steph's turn to pinch his cheeks and talk in a baby voice

Steph: "Robin's the worst"

Goon: "Yeah, he is"

Steph: "You take that back!"

He sold her high school essays online and gave her a 10% cut of the profit

Damian gets a rat and Steph names it Remy, knowing he hasn't seen Ratatouille yet

She uses his head as an armrest

Steph and her friends go out to celebrate finals being over. Damian follows them to the restaurant and keeps sending milk to their table every five minutes

Damian rickrolls her through her AirPods

Steph has a special type of anger set aside for when Damian jams the carnival port-a-potty shut while she's in it

Damian gives her a misshapen rock and says, "It's the egg that hatched you"

Steph: "This is my little brother, Damian"

Damian: "We're not siblings"

Steph: "…As I was saying, this is my little brother, Damian"

She sticks a picture of Damian on the icebox to guarantee it stays cold

*After a big meal* Damian: "I cannot eat another bite"

Steph: "Same. Wanna get ice cream?"

Damian: "I'll drive"

Steph: "Like hell you are"

Damian: "Then I call shotgun"

Steph: "Bold of you to assume we're inviting the others"

Damian has a creative writing assignment for English and Steph offers to look it over, but instead of giving him feedback, she gaslights him into thinking he plagiarized Game of Thrones

However weird the Rogues may be, Damian can guarantee there's something in Steph's camera roll that's even weirder

Jason teaches Damian to swear and Steph un-teaches him by playing the bleeping sound effect every time he does

Steph rents half her storage garage to Damian to store the canoe he found. They're still trying to figure out what to do with it

Damian: "I have to infiltrate a horse ranch and I need you to communicate with your equine brethren"

Damian asks Steph to come to Career Day. She's confused at first because at the time she's a student working a part-time retail job, but shows up anyway. When it's his turn, he brings her up to the front and says, "This is my sister, Stephanie. She doesn't have a degree yet, gets paid minimum wage for a job I can do with my hands tied, and is the only one in my family who doesn't know what she's doing." Steph starts to get annoyed, but then Damian says, "I brought her today because she doesn't let her lack of direction hold her down. She has taught me that it's okay if you don't have a destination and life happens on your own terms, not someone else's."

Steph comes to the Manor one day to find everyone crowded around Damian's door. Dick explains that the person Damian asked to the 8th grade dance ditched him last minute and no one's been able to coax him out—not even Alfred with cookies. Steph goes in and after a while, he tells her about the work he put in (for a middle schooler, aka an ironed shirt and reservations at a place rhyming with Bolive Darden) only for it be a setup to make fun of him. Steph asks when the reservation is and he says it's in twenty minutes. She says she only needs ten and emerges in her old homecoming dress. Then they grab dinner before skipping the dance altogether to go bowling and destroy some unsuspecting 9-year-olds at laser tag.

#damian wayne #robin #stephanie brown #spoiler #batman #batfamily #batfam #batboys #batbros #batgirls #batkids #batsiblings #batman family #incorrect quotes #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect dc quotes #dc comics #headcanon #ask #anonymous #tw food mention #tw swearing

[reveluving]

Can you do one where Batmom loves doing ballet? Maybe with her in the ballroom dancing, and the kids come in. Cassandra immediately goes to join her and the boys want to try so batmom and cass try to teach them? And then at the end Bruce sneaks in and watches then fondly?

P.S. I love your work :)

a/n: to whomever sent this request last year (+ a couple of others), I am so sorry for only doing this now lol BUT! y'all know I love a fluffy batfam moment! 💗💗💗 changed it up a bit and also, thank you so much!!

warnings: fluffy fluff! (ballerina!cass !!!)

check out my batmom m.list !

Cass is an expert of many things, but your absolute favourite has to be her love for ballet!

It was no surprise how much she's incorporated her ballet knowledge into her fighting style—not to the point where anyone could see the similarities between Cass and Orphan, but just enough to give her certain advantages that the rest didn't have.

The first time Cass gave you the invitation to her recital was when she stopped by the café as usual one fine afternoon.

You had expected a form for a trip that needed your permission but no, it was so. much. better.

Not only was Cass' name handwritten in gold ink, but she was going solo for that matter?

You immediately tackled her into the biggest, most bone-crushing hug you could muster. Nothing Cass couldn't handle, though, in fact, she reciprocated your own happiness, grinning and giggling as you wouldn't stop gushing about how proud you were and how you needed to call Bruce, even if it was still office hours.

And you did just that!

Bruce thankfully didn't have any pressing matter when you rang him up, picking up the phone in one hand and idly checking some reports with the other. He stopped caring for the papers in hand though, not when he could hear how excited you sounded.

"We're invited to Cass' first recital next month!" You squealed, the soft of giggles of your not-so-little girl didn't go amiss on the line, "You have to clear your schedule."

Bruce grinned, both at the news and your sudden seriousness. You didn't have to tell him and you knew it, for he immediately wrote the date on a piece of paper to be passed to his assistant later on.

Cass also took the opportunity to share the news with the rest of the family, with all of their congrats and compliments ranging from Alfred and Damian's detailed praises for her appreciation in such fine art, to Dick's chaotic but meaningful cheers in all caps lock, with a side of triple fire emojis.

All in all, it was almost overwhelming for her—no matter how subtle Bruce tried to be in moving the old, almost depressing paintings out of the manor's ballroom after learning about her hobby, or how you'd bring over a single chair in the middle of the room to watch her new move without hesitation, or how Alfred made sure the manor's ballroom was always squeaky clean for her own use, she would be in awe of how fate brought her here.

A place where she not only fought for the safety of others, but also a place where she could finally make a name for herself the way she wanted.

Despite your protests, Cass helped you around the café that day, too happy to just sit down when she could channel that energy by lending a hand. You were thankful for the extra pair of hands though, for you wanted nothing more than to celebrate with her at home.

It was only fitting to bring her to the ballroom, the person praising her now was Alfred, who had came in with tea to pair with the extra cookies you brought from the café.

There was really no other way to channel your own joy other than to dance with her—from pirouettes to a grand jeté together. You learned from the best after all, how could you ever say no when she once shyly offered to teach you how to properly plie once upon a time?

With the classical music paired with Alfred's claps and the three of you laughing, it wouldn't take long for the rest of your family, besides Bruce, to investigate as soon as they're home. Some readily came with gifts, others were ready to properly congratulate Cass as texting did little to no justice. But seeing how much fun you were having, they believe it was best to at least wait till the music ended.

But ever the perceptive child, Cass was quick to notice the newcomers and immediately waved at them. They all huddled around her, with Cass growing flustered by the sheer attention she was getting in one day. She did somewhat expect a positive reaction, but not to this extend, but she wouldn't have it any other way.

You and Alfred watched the sight fondly, your smiles growing bigger when one of them had asked her to teach them a thing or two. And just like chain reaction, almost everyone was trying it out. It was hilarious, to say the least, seeing them, ranging from tall, buff, serious and just almost out of place, glancing at one another as they sought the girl's approval for their plie.

"I wasn't aware of a party." You sucked in a breath, the unexpected arrival of your husband taking you by surprise, let alone when his arms wove around your waist and then kissed you on the crown of your head. You leaned into him, caressing the back of his hand before letting his intertwine his fingers with yours.

"It's only fair," You sighed, not wanting to tear your eyes away from the tooth-rotting moment before you. You felt Bruce's chest vibrate on occasion, no doubt amused to see some making it a competition to see who was best, "Our girl deserves it."

Our girl.

As if on command, Bruce's hand lightly brushed over your tummy. You didn't stop him, only to gasp when he proceeded to tickle you and shared a laugh. You threw your head to the side, giving him the opportunity to nuzzle into your neck and be in your own world just as your children was.

To say Cass was in heaven was an understatement, and though her life started rough, she had always thanked the universe for shining her to the path that actually mattered to her most.

With the people she was meant to be with.

˚ · . f i n . · ˚

#cassandra my bb! <3 #— reve's reverie 🌹 #— reve's asks 🌹 #a mother's touch series #batfamily #batfam #batfam x batmom #batmom #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne x you #bruce wayne x batmom #batman #cassandra cain x batmom #cassandra cain x reader #cassandra cain #dick grayson #jason todd #duke thomas #tim drake #damian wayne #terry mcginnis #matt mcginnis

[pshenyasstuff]

Headcanons for relationships with Billy Kid

This is my purely subjective opinion, you may disagree with me. I don't have enough content on this guy (i obsessed with him), so I decided to make it myself.

He's definitely the type of guy who is always ready to support his girlfriend like some kind of cheerleader like "THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND!! TEAR THEM ALL UP, BEAUTY!"

Expect a lot of talk about his favorite show, he will show you absolutely every poster and figurine, tell you how he acquired it and the like

And of course he will call himself your Starlight Knight

His gifts are often like this.. random. You never expect what he can give. One time it's some kind of cute trinket, and the next time it's a weapon 😨 (of course so that his beloved can stand up for herself)

But he doesn't really mind if you're a pacifist or just don't want to hurt someone. He is always happy to protect you, while of course showing off in all sorts of ways. "Babe, are you watching? I did a great job on them, didn't I??"

He's as clingy as possible, I'm serious. He loves hugging so much that hugging at every meeting with him will be something ordinary for you. It's just one of his ways of expressing sympathy

I'm 100% sure he's styling his hair. Or they are always like that. In any case, they are as soft as possible.

I'm not sure if he feels the touch. Let's assume that he feels it quite a bit

Despite this, he always tries to count the power to touch you

Oh yes, he definitely likes to carry his beloved on his arms, back and shoulders. He especially likes to walk around the city like this or run away from enemies with you, because he is an cyborg, much faster than your human legs, just let him treat you like his lady :D

The poor guy is sometimes so upset because he doesn't have lips. I mean, how can he then give his beloved more love?? In any case, he finds a way out of the situation and just rests his faceplate on the place where he wants to kiss you. Too cute

He definitely giggles stupidly when you initiate all this romantic stuff. Did you kiss him yourself? I swear, he lifts one leg like a girl and can't stop giggling in love

His nicknames are so sweet to you, sometimes banal, but it's cute. (Lady, sweetheart, princess, love of my life, beloved)

Each of your mornings together will begin with his speech. He will absolutely always wake up earlier, if he is sleeping at all, of course. Let's say it goes into sleep mode for a set time. "Yo, yo, yo, wake up, sleepyhead!"

Cooking? No, and again no, bro does not know how to cook, he buys you ready-made food, because he does not need it himself

He always likes to make you laugh, he is infinitely glad to see you happy :)

He definitely likes the idea of paired things. Even the bracelet you gave him will always be worn (until he loses it)

You rarely quarrel, I think, but if it happens, he always apologizes first

Don't give him a plant or a pet, they'll just die 😭

He likes to sing for you, even if it's not quite perfect and the ears of others wither from his singing

He will immediately ask to exchange numbers or social networks. What for? To send you his photos and silly messages if you are not around, of course. He definitely uses a lot of emojis

He likes to arrange a movie night with you. Of course, you'll be watching mostly his favorite show. He watches it so often that at one point he will just say lines along with the characters

He likes to lie on your lap at such moments or just hold hands, because it's romantic in his understanding

Thanks for reading <3

#zenless zone zero #billy kid #billy kid x reader #he so babygirl #i love him so much #malewife #billy kid x you

[sg-l]

👏🏻 Curse!Gojo 👏🏻 Curse!Gojo 👏🏻 Curse!Gojo 👏🏻

What's his way of showing you affection in this new cursed form? We talked about how he'd be a lap dog but like....is he just laying on top of you from time to time bc he loves you and needs to see your face??

Elaborate for the peeps in the back ☺️

- 🦦

・curse!Satoru Gojo Headcanons・

a/n・I'm so bad at formulating headcanons you know this?? also how did you find an otter emoji?? Fandom・Jujutsu Kaisen Character(s)・Satoru Gojo Tags・sloppy headcanons, curse!Gojo AU, fluff, unedited

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

curse!Gojo is...enormous

lets just get the physical implications of cursing the strongest jujutsu sorcerer in the world because curse!Gojo is...a lot

both in personality as well as sheer size and monstrous appearance

think...cursed Howl Pendragon, meets gluttonous No Face's limbs, owlbeast Eda Clawthorn shape with owlbeast Lilth Clawthron color palette and retractable neck

and I fully headcanon him as having no physical appearance of eyes/nose etc but a black banding around where his eyes should be and the rest of his faceless head is a very large un-hingable jaw with the rest of his face being "splashed" in white before transitioning to the bulk of his dark body

ok ok ok enough about the way the curse looks; and more about the way he acts!

like most cursed souls curse!Gojo is dangerously obsessed with you

you are his only purpose in life as well as the only thing tying him to a physical "life" and his animal instinct will not let that bond be broken no matter the cost

curse!Gojo basically feels no pain and it's scarier to see in action than it is to just think he's a stubborn fighter

he is insanely affectionate; to the point it's smothering

ideally he'd be sealed away in a cursed object but nothing can hold all of him (to no one's surprise)

so that being said curse!Gojo does at time have the annoying nuances of a shikigami or a familiar but make it 1000x worse

giant lap dog 🤝 pissy cat 🤝 needy brat

curse!Gojo likes to show his affection by planting himself right behind you and more times than not laying a part of his grotesques form on you

no idea about his actual size nor would he care if you tried to explain it to him because he just won't listen

curse!Gojo wants to be touching you at some point all the time or else he does get practically...antsy

not a good idea for him to be restless, it's in everyone's best interest for curse!Gojo to remain calm as long as possible

brings you dead curses and to no one surprise, likes to play with them! he will make it a point to have you watch him disembody things.

People, curses, animals...the only thing curse!Gojo will not touch is young individuals

that's a post for later

his ideal way to have your attention is to absolutely maul your target into a pulp right in front of you and frankly there's no other way for him to kill besides over the top right in front of you

on a less gruesome note, yes, he insists on sleeping with you

curse!Gojo thankfully has very little intention of suffocating you so he's happy to have you lay on top of him or curls up around you as the biggest spoon in the world

regretfully curse!Gojo does lick and drool when overtly excited and talks in the fastest string of broken sentences any being could

you get real good at understanding the gibberish don't worry

curse!Gojo loves "self care" and by that it means he loves having you hold his face, pick things out of his teeth, booping his non existent nose and giving him forehead kisses

exceptionally fond of carrying you and pouts when you don't let him hold you 24/7

and the most horrifying thing curse!Gojo loves to show his affection is...play wrestling

don't worry he basically just wants to engulf you in a hug and roll around with you but it can be off putting to those who are not familiar with either of you two yet

#wifey 🦦 ♡ #idk that's the tag you get lol but guess who's not shutting up about curse!Gojo !!! #its me im not shutting up about it #curse!gojo au #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #gojo saturo #jjk satoru #jjk gojo #gojo x you #gojo x reader #satoru gojo x you #satoru gojo x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x reader #jujutsu gojo #jujutsu kaisen

[rabbitsrams]

could i get some schlatt and his gf/wife finding out they're having a baby / dad!schlatt pls? </3

also can i be ☄️ anon? (if it's ok and the emoji is available ofc!!)

omgggg i love this sm it's so sweet :( also this got a LOT longer than i thought lmao enjoy

♡ you and schlatt have been in a committed relationship for a few years at this point. marriage was on the table but kids you weren't so sure

♡ you personally wanted to have them but you never really talked to schlatt about it because it was not really in your thoughts at that time

♡ but that all changed when you noticed you had missed your period and it was a couple weeks since you two had sex

♡ you bought like five different pregnancy tests from the pharmacy

♡ and all five were positive

♡ you freaked out, naturally

♡ schlatt was off recording something so he wasn't home

♡ you called your best friend and told them you were pregnant, they were happy but also wanted to support you

♡ you didn't want to abort or anything but at the same time you weren't sure what schlatt wanted because he never expressed interest in having a kid

♡ you've seen him with his nieces and nephews before and he was great with them

♡ his little niece made him a friendship bracelet and he didn't take it off till you went home

♡ him showing off his old consoles to the nephews

♡ playing outside with all the kids

♡ (idk i feel like schlatt would be great w/ kids hehe)

♡ you didn't think he'd be opposed to the idea but you also were unsure

♡ regardless, you knew you had to tell him that night

♡ he came home in the early evening with plans to simply order in food and relax the rest of the night with you and the cats, but he was greeted by you on the couch nervously stimming

♡ "babe? are you okay?"

♡ "there's something i need to tell you."

♡ it's a bit hard to outright say, "i'm pregnant." you pace around the apartment trying to say the right words, but instead opt to simply show him the positive pregnancy tests

♡ "you're pregnant?"

♡ "uh huh."

♡ he has to take a moment.

♡ he has envisioned himself with a kid a couple of times in his life

♡ but only as a passing thought

♡ he was more unsure about how you would feel because you never expressed any interest in having them either

♡ but now, in that moment, he imagines your family

♡ and a huge smile spreads across his face.

♡ "you're pregnant!" he's so happy now omg :((

♡ "you want to keep it?"

♡ "only if you want to."

♡ so yeah! you're keeping it :)

♡ he goes to every doctor's appointment with you

♡ and also to those classes that teach ppl about giving birth, how to hold the baby, etc etc

♡ reads all of the parenting books with you

♡ you make way too many baby yuto jokes

♡ "you better not treat them like you treated that toy baby"

♡ "I WON'T!"

♡ is so sweet when you're having mood swings

♡ also brings you anything you want esp if you're having weird pregnancy cravings

♡ i feel like you'd want to keep it a surprise so you ask ppl not to get pink/blue shit for the baby shower

♡ he wants a son but you don't really mind if it's a boy or a girl.

♡ okay so going to the hospital

♡ you go into labor on a random night, thankfully you're not anywhere in public, you're just chilling at home

♡ the baby bag is all packed and schlatt speeds to the hospital to get you in a room

♡ is there for you the whole time

♡ gets you ice chips

♡ holds your hand as you push it out

♡ softly reassures you that you're doing great, he's so proud of you

♡ he's so excited to see the baby :(

♡ if you have a boy, he's absolutely overjoyed.

♡ but if you have a girl? omg. he vows to protect her and spoil her rotten.

♡ she'd be his little princess FOR SURE

♡ ik schlatt has said he wants a son but he'd be such a girl dad and i absolutely LOVE that idea sm

♡ but either way he loves his kid the moment he holds them in his arms

♡ if schlatt had a son:

♡ he'd teach his son how to play baseball for sure

♡ v supportive if he does decide to pursue baseball as a hobby

♡ is there for his tryouts and helps him practice

♡ goes to all his games even if they're away

♡ and even if he doesn't want to do a sport, is super supportive of anything he wants to do

♡ doing a lot of "manly" things with him (manning the grill, car things, building a shed, etc)

♡ attempts to give him a cigar but you're like no. absolutely not.

♡ omfg schlatt showing him all of his old consoles and stuff and them playing video games together

♡ also they def build his first pc together

♡ schlatt going on drives with him to the desert lol

♡ you are kind of adamant about schlatt teaching him to shoot but he assures you it'll be in a safe environment and won't be till he's a teen lmfao

♡ when he brings home his first partner schlatt's like "you better treat 'em right, just like how i taught ya."

♡ if he needs advice asking someone out he tells him how he asked you out

♡ you love your boys sm :((

♡ as for his daughter...

♡ buys his princess anything she wants

♡ dresses her up in the CUTEST little dresses and stuff

♡ is so protective of her, if anyone looks at her weird, they get a death glare

♡ you bought her a play makeup palette and she begged her daddy to let her do his makeup

♡ (just think of that one scene from parks and rec where ron had his makeup done by the kids lmao)

♡ he's got all that shit smeared on his face and she's loving it

♡ you take so many pictures and videos of them

♡ ALWAYS calls you and her "his girls"🥺🥺🥺

♡ when she gets her first period he buys. all the pads.

♡ you and schlatt are so sweet w/ her too, with you telling her about everything and him trying his best to be there for her even if he doesn't get everything

♡ her bringing home her first partner and him threatening them w a gun (jkjk)

♡ but he's 100% the dad who's like "if u hurt my princess, i'm hurting u"

♡ especially if she brings home a boy lmao

♡ much like w/ his son, is super supportive of what she wants to do whether it be sports, band or anything

♡ there's a clip from chuckle sandwich or something where schlatt said he'd want to record home videos on older devices so he can teach his kid how to use them to watch the videos

♡ and that's so real

♡ he has an old ass camera where he records all the christmases and birthdays and other occasions

♡ also loves spoiling his kid on those occasions: buys them all the gifts

♡ all three of you putting up the tree in november

♡ you 100% have those family ornaments where u have the picture in it and the year <3333

♡ and you and the kid convincing schlatt to have a matching costume w/ them

♡ if they're in some sort of school production he brings the camera and you and him cheer the loudest when they come on stage :(

♡ constant trips to new york to show them his roots

♡ playing his favorite music in the car

♡ also he 100% keeps you and the kid off the internet

♡ schlatt loves his family so much

♡ absolutely brags about his kid and his wife to his friends/coworkers ALL THE TIME

#☄️ anon <3 #jschlatt x reader #jschlatt imagine #jschlatt fluff #schlatt x reader #schlatt fluff #jschlatt fanfiction #jschlatt x you #jschlatt x y/n #schlatt imagine #schlatt x you #schlatt x y/n #schlatt fanfic #jschlatt fic

[animatorweirdo]

Why Elves Should Not Drink Coffee

(Not gonna explain myself. This was just an idea that popped into my head. I hope you enjoy it. )

Warnings: Coffee Madness.

---------------------------------

*You and Elrond spending some time together*

Elrond: (Name), what are you drinking? I do not think I have seen that kind of drink before.

You: Oh, It’s just coffee. It helps keep me awake in the morning. 

Elrond: It helps you keep awake. That sounds like something that could help many improve workflow and avoid falling asleep during important times. 

You: Yeah… hold back on that statement. 

Elrond: ???

You: You see… it was me and my friend who first introduced coffee, and it proved to be more trouble than good because of its potent effect on elves. 

Elrond: What do you mean? 

You: Coffee is pretty harmless to humans since it only causes anxiety, tiredness, addiction, and something in between. To elves… it causes them to be extremely hyperactive. 

You: During the first three days, there were already four incidents. 

1 Incident 

You: *Groans* I hate Mondays!

Camilla: Oh, stop whining. 

Faye: Hey, you two. What are you drinking? 

You: Coffee because I hate my life. Wants some? 

Faye: Sure.

Faye: *Drinks a whole cup* 

Faye: *Smacks her lips* An interesting taste. Well, I need to get back to work. I see you two later. 

You: *Watches her leave* Camilla, coffee is safe for elves, right?

Camilla: Should be. Why?

You: I don’t know. I just feel like we made a grave mistake. 

You: *Shrugging your shoulders* Oh, whatever. 

*Later that day* 

*You and Camilla arrive at the healer’s wing* 

You: And then he was like: I’m not a little boy. I’m an alpha male, and I will — Oh my god! What happened here?!

*You two witness the main infirmary in a mess. Sheets on the floors. Patients aggressively tied with bandages, and everyone staring at Faye with pure terror*

You: Faye…Everything alright buddy? 

Faye: *Visibly shaking like she was on overdrive, smiling and speaking fast* I’m fine! I never felt better! I’m quite active today! We should get to work! There are patients and medicines to be sorted. Oh, what a wonderful day! Sun emoji, smiling face, and a rose. 

Faye: *Walks off* 

You: Did she just mention a sun emoji? 

Camilla: I think that’s our cue not to give her coffee in the future. 

2 Incident 

Maglor: I heard about the incident in the healer’s wing. I hope your friend is okay. 

You: Yeah, Faye is alright. It was a pain in the ass to wait for her to tire herself, but we managed to get her down and rest. 

You: To think coffee had such a strong effect on her. 

Maglor: Well, accidents happen. 

You: *Remember something* Wait! I remember serving you once coffee. Did you end up giving your brother some by chance? 

Maglor: You did, but I did not feel any different. I gave some coffee to Maedhros since he seemed to have trouble focusing on his work, but now that you mention it. I haven’t seen him in a while. 

You: How long has this ‘while’ been? 

Maglor: Around… three weeks? 

*You two stare at each other in silence* 

You & Maglor: Oh Shit! 

*You two quickly arrive at the study where Maglor last saw Maedhros*

Maglor: *Opening the door* Maedhros! We’re coming in! 

*You two find him in a messed up study. Thousands of papers were stacked, and the red-haired elf was still sitting on the table, his hair messed up and dark circles under his eyes, and his left hand black with ink.* 

Maedhros: *Falling front and back on the chair* What do you two want? Can’t you see I’m busy? 

You: Doing what? You’re just scribbling on the desk at this point. 

Maglor: Brother?! Have you not moved an inch since the last I saw you?!

Maedhros: What are you talking about? 

Maglor: It’s been three weeks! 

Maedhros: *stops in thought* Three weeks?

Maedhros: It doesn’t matter. I have work to do. 

Maglor: *Grabs the back of his chair and pulls him away from the desk* Oh no, you don’t! You’re going to sleep! 

Maedhros: *Starting hissing at him* 

You: I need to tell Camilla to avoid sharing her coffee recipe. 

3 Incident 

*After getting Maedhros to rest* 

You: Okay. That was awful. I can’t believe this brown juice could make your brother last that long without sleep and food. 

Maglor: It seems coffee is more potent toward us than we imagined. 

Curufin: *Appears out of nowhere*  What is more potent toward us? 

You: My friend’s coffee recipe. It’s only supposed to serve as a morning drink, but turns out, you elves turn ten times more active if you drink this. 

Curufin: *Stares at the cup of coffee, thinking*  Hmm…?

Curufin: *Grabs it and takes a drink* 

You & Maglor: No! 

Curufin: *Stares at you two confused* 

Maglor: Brother— how are you feeling? 

Curufin: I— feel fine? 

You: You sure? No sudden urges to do something or test your limits to unimaginable expectations? 

Curufin: I think you both are overreacting. I do say that this is a fine-tasting drink. My compliments to your friend. 

Curufin: *Leaves* 

You: Someone who compliments Camilla’s coffee must have a soul just as dark as hers or none at all. By the way, did you notice any changes in him? 

Maglor: I— can’t actually say. Let’s keep an eye on him, just in case. Who knows what might happen if he turns out like Faye or Maedhros? 

You: I’m already scared just thinking about it. 

*Later* 

Curufin: *Standing on the table, messed up hair, and yelling invention plans* Don’t you see?! This is our chance to defeat Morgoth! We just build this here and there! Then we just—!

Celegorm: *Visibly scared* Holy shit! Calm down! What has gotten into you?!

*You, Maglor, and all the nearby elves hiding in the vicinity*

You: Oh my god! Can your brother be more insufferable than this?! 

Maglor: This feels like typical Curufin, but ten times more confident his plan will work in the end and if he was ten times angrier than Caranthir. 

You: Well, no shit. He’s literally yelling at us like a German soldier in the Second World War and even Celegorm out of all people is scared! 

Curufin: TOD ALLEN ORKS!!! 

Celegorm: *Crying at this point* What are you even saying?! 

Present day

You: After that incident, Curufin was banned from even getting near coffee, and what’s even more ironic was that when he finally cleared his head from the caffeine rush. He blamed me and Maglor for embarrassing himself even if it was he who drank the coffee and ignored our warnings. 

You: After that, Camilla and I made sure that coffee was banned for the greater good. 

Elrond: Sounds reasonable. But those were only three incidents. You told me there were four. 

You: Oh yeah! Actually, that happened way after. I’m not sure if you remember, but you and your brother had a part in this one. 

4 Incident

*You, Maglor, and the twins having breakfast* 

Elrond: *Points at the pot of coffee* Ada, can I have a taste of that? 

Maglor: *Slightly sleep-deprived and not fully comprehending the question* sure. 

Maglor: *About to pour him a cup of coffee*

You: *You slap his hand away in panic* Don’t give him that! You know what coffee does to you! They’re gonna be jumping off the walls! 

Maglor: Calm down. I’m sure it doesn’t have that strong effect on children. 

You: You sure about that? A sugar rush is something, but do you really want to know what a coffee-filled elven child can do? 

*You two then see Elros having a taste and Elrond drinking from the pot*

You: Boys! 

*The twins look at you without an expression.* 

You: How… are you feeling? 

*Later* 

Elrond & Elros: *Laughing maniacally, running and jumping on the walls* 

You & Maglor: *Chasing after them* 

You: I bloody told you so! 

Present day 

Elrond: Oh dear! I do not wonder why I can’t remember much of that day. 

You: Well, you and your brother were knocked out on the bed after a full day of running and hiding. Let's just say. Maedhros did not enjoy having to avoid jumping children on caffeine energy drinks. 

Elrond: *Chuckles as you two arrive in the kitchen* 

You: You know, now that I think about it. The coffee was made from my friend’s recipe at that time. She always liked to drink it strong, so maybe if I tone it down a bit. It could be less potent toward elves. 

You: *Stops* Oh no!

Elrond: What’s wrong? 

You & Elrond: * See your coffee pot empty*

You: Where did all of my coffee go? 

*You both hear a crash in the distance and someone screaming*

#silmarillion x reader #silmarillion #tolkien #silmarillion imagines #middle earth imagines #silm fic #middle earth x reader #crack fic #maglor x reader

[pearlcaddy]

I really need people who don't watch The Try Guys and only know about them from the recent Ned bullshit to appreciate their most recent video.

For the past couple months, they've been releasing a mix of videos that in some cases have been carefully edited around Ned and in others been shot recently without him. There's been some shade sprinkled throughout the newer stuff, and there was this particular gem in a recent video:

[ID: Screenshot from Try Guys 30-Day Meditation Challenge of Keith standing in front of the cover of the Try Guys' book, The Hidden Power of Fucking Up. Normally the cover has a photo of all four Try Guys, but the image of Ned has been replaced with a blank 404 error message.]

In general, their approach has been to throw some shade but ultimately cut around and ignore him.

But now it's Without a Recipe season.

WAR is one of the Try Guys' major series, released during November and December, in which they compete with each other to bake an item without a recipe, usually to disastrous results. Because the videos are long and such a central part of their winter holiday schedule, the videos are filmed months in advance. (Despite how long this post is, I'm a very casual fan, but my understanding is it's shot in the summer?) Which means that these episodes were filmed pre-scandal and that they're very difficult episodes to scrap or reshoot. And, given the camera set-up, it would be almost impossible to completely cut out a participant.

So they went a different direction.

[ID: Screenshot of the title card reading, "The Try Guys: Without a Recipe. Everything is Fine: A Totally Normal Season." Next to the text are images of explosions and a sarcastic hand giving a thumbs up.]

The shade in this episode starts early. Zach has consistently been the weakest baker, but his chyron for this year was unapologetic.

[ID: Screenshot of Zach being interviewed by the camera. At the bottom of the screen is a chryon that reads, "Zach: No longer the 4th best."]

For the most part, the episode cuts around Ned; the audience isn't told what type of Pop-Tart he bakes and we don't see the judges tasting and reviewing his bake. Group shots of the four Try Guys tend to be cropped so that only Keith, Eugene, and Zach are visible.

The time he's made most visible in the background is in these shots:

[ID: Screenshot of Keith in the foreground. Behind him is Ned, seen from the shoulders down. The framing deliberately leaves the text on Ned's shirt visible. It reads, "I love bad ideas," followed by the heart on fire emoji.]

But my favorite parts of the video are when they just replace him. Because, while the rest of the episode plays like a normal episode, there's wild shit happening whenever Ned would have been on screen.

There's one time when the editors wink to a fan theory that they'd used a fake pole to partially edit him out of a shot in a previous video. How? By needlessly covering him with a fake pole instead of cropping him out the way they do with all the other shots from the same camera set-up.

[ID: Screenshot of Zach in the foreground. To his left is a computer-generated image of a large, clearly fake pole over the space where Ned would be.]

Now normally the bakers are split into two pairs and work at side-by-side work stations where they riff off of one another while baking.

[ID: Screenshot of Eugene and Zach in the kitchen baking at separate tables that are arranged side-by-side.]

So at some points in the video, Keith (who is the baker paired with Ned in this episode) is in footage where the Ned half of the screen is replaced with footage of an unused workstation, as below:

But my favorite parts of the video were the ones where they replaced Ned with something that really acknowledged the elephant in the room:

[ID: Screenshot of the same kitchen set-up from before with two tables next to each other. Keith stands at one, looking at the baker at the other table. Ned has been replaced with a computer-generated image of a pink elephant.]

Whenever Ned is (presumably) speaking, the audio is replaced with a loud elephant trumpet.

They commit to the bit so much that, when the judges announce the results, they don't even show us Ned's Pop-Tart.

[ID: Judge Rosanna Pansino holds up a Pop-Tart. A red-and-white paper box of fresh peanuts has been added to the footage, completely shielding the Pop-Tart from view. The peanut box has a cartoon image of an elephant as part of its design.]

Now, they easily could have cut out the announcement of the results, especially since they cut out all of his baking process.

But Ned comes last.

So they leave that part in. As a treat.

When the judge announces the name of the fourth-place baker, instead of saying "Ned," the audio is replaced with her voice saying "Elephant," and when we cut to Ned's reaction?

[ID: Screenshot of the Try Guys clustered together. Ned has been replaced with the pink elephant, who is screaming in protest while the other three Try Guys shrink away from him. The chyron reads, "4th Place: Elephant."

And then true chaos reigns when we get to the announcement of the winner, and there's honestly so much going on that I'll leave the image ID to explain it.

[ID: Screenshot of the Try Guys clustered together again. This time, Ned has been replaced with the body of a dancing man, while his head has been replaced with a terrifying dough face that Keith made earlier in the episode. Behind Ned is a smaller, full-body image of the pink elephant, standing in profile. Sat on the elephant's back is a cut out of the impersonation of Zach from the SNL skit that mocked the Try Guys' infamous What Happened video. Also on the back of the elephant are an image of a bent-over old man and a man in a suit holding a red cloak. I'm either not online enough or not versed in Try Guys' lore enough to understand their significance. The chyron reads, "Winner: Daddy's Favorite," in reference to Keith's victory.]

The whole video is truly, beautifully unhinged and I'm absolutely living for it. I've been wondering how they were going to handle WAR, because it's my favorite series and I knew editing around Ned was going to be a challenge.

Ned was always competitive, particularly on WAR, and I'm absolutely delighted that it turned into 40 minutes of everyone at 2nd Try taking the piss out of him... only for him to come in last place.

#you can tell how much work i'm avoiding by how long this post is #try guys videos were a real source of relaxation and comfort for me in the first couple years of my phd #and i'm so glad they're chaotically thriving after all the bullshit #try guys #without a recipe #long post

[lotuslolitasblog]

ROTI phone hcs, go!!!

Anne Maria:

The phone case is pink.

VERY PINK.

Pink & purple leopard print. I am right. You can’t fricking deny it

She has a phone string with purple and golden charms on it

It’s a pretty new model.

There’s a crack on the upper right corner.

She has trouble typing up the code with her nails, so she has Touch ID.

Her lockscreen is probably some bad pic of her and her gal pals or a great one of her and Vito

Her home screen is some dreamy purple background. Probably some clouds with tiny sparkles all around

Her ringtone… this one was hard. I don’t know any techno! I decided to go with like the one song I know, Evacuate The Dancefloor by Cascada.

She has a special ring tone for Vito, Everytime We Touch (also by Cascada)

She talks about the most unhinged gossip on the phone in public

Every contact is saved with a pretty emoji next to them (Jo insisted that if she HAD to have her name saved with a heart, it had to be the black one)

B:

…

…

Nah, kidding.

He has a clear phone case. Simple, but efficient.

His phone is pretty old, and he knows it inside out.

His phone has been through some shit, but the screen is somehow intact.

His Lock Screen is probably some pretty science-ish thing, like a butterfly nebula.

His Home Screen is just one of the default ones.

His ringtone (I don’t know why anyone would call him, but anyway) is some instrumental… I can’t come up with what he’d listen to tbh.

Absolute meme lord. Has a meme or a GIF for every occasion.

He has one alarm at 6:30 every day and never misses it (TEACH ME YOUR WAYS B)

Brick:

Black leather phone case. Dare to tell me I’m wrong. I am not.

His phone is absolute blasted. You cannot tell me there aren’t at least ten cracks. That man is a KLUTZ

These bullet points really show you who my favourite character is up until now

His lock screen and home screen are the same green army pattern background.

He changes the Home Screen to a picture he stealthily took of Jo

Old model.

iPhone? What is that???

His ringtone is absolutely awful. No song in mind, but Brick just sounds like someone with absolutely no taste in music.

Reveille is his alarm sound which goes off at 0600 hours every day. He’s also an adept at waking up with one alarm. Bro is always ready to seize the day

Talks ridiculously loud over the phone

Has absolutely no social media. He is nowhere

Cameron:

Bought a phone with the prize money

It’s one of his most prized possessions

His mom bought him one of those mom phone cases with the wrap in front (I don’t know how to word that correctly)

It’s black

His lock screen is a picture of a butterfly. Not just any butterfly! A Danaus plexippus (AKA a monarch butterfly - the orange and black ones with those little white dots)

His home screen is a picture of him with Mike and Zoey

His phone is a pretty new model. His mom was afraid it would overheat too much if he had an older one

His ringtone is You’ve Got A Friend In Me

He doesn’t need an alarm because his mom wakes him up every day

Dakota:

Pink,pink,pink!

Bubblegum pink!

She has a personalised pop socket! It has D written in gold and the rest is - you guessed it - pink

Her lock screen is a picture of her and Sam (cutie piessss)

Home Screen is her favourite picture of her

It’s the newest model (obvi)

Touch ID & Facial recognition for easy use

Has paparazzis on speed dial

Her ringtone is Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen

If you have some time, check out the music video. The last few seconds are PRICELESS

She has every social media app you can think of

She’s verified too!!

Uses emojis religiously. Always uses !! or ?? instead of a single sign

Dawn:

Got a phone solely to be able to give tarot readings over call

She gives the money she makes from it to associations

She has a clear phone case, but she put an upright Fool card in it

It symbolises innocence and free spiritedness

I looked it up on Wikipedia. Thanks Wikipedia (Henry Cahill would be disappointed)

It’s a decently old model, but she doesn’t plan on changing it anytime soon

Somehow always charged

Her homescreen and lockscreen are different pictures of her friends (both human and animal)

Has a ringtone, but she can somehow always sense when someone will be calling a few seconds before it starts ringing

It’s probably some New Age music (Gwen: 😖)

Always answers 3 to 5 business days after you send a message. It’s better to call her directly

Jo:

A simple black phone case

Her Lock Screen is just a black background with white text that says: “Why are you even touching my phone?”

Her home screen is literally the worst picture of Brick ever.

She always manages to catch him at the worst moments

He used to hate it, but he finds it endearing now

Again, you can really see who are my favourites rn

Her workout playlist goes hard!

Her ringtone is It’s My Life by Bon Jovi

She doesn’t have an alarm

Alarms are for chumps

You’ll die before you ever see her use an emoji.

There’s a few cracks around the lower corners

It’s a miracle there aren’t more considering how much it falls while she runs

Her voice mail says: “It’s Jo. Just don’t call me.”

Lightning:

Newest model. There is no way he isn’t one of those people who change phones every time a newer one comes out

Has a personalised phone case.

It’s a blue one, with yellow lines, his jersey number and his name

Both the Home Screen and Lock Screen are pictures of him

As it should, king!!

His workout playlist is also great

He listens to Brick’s music recs too much though, so it’s not as good as Jo’s

Only sends voice messages

Sends every sports video he ever sees to Jo and Brick

Jo nearly blocked him because of it

Has an awesome group chat with the rest of his football team

Again, my favourites really show

His ringtone is Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5

Thought Jagger was a football player for the longest time

Mike & Co.

Mi: Black phone case so the system won’t go crazy

Mi: His Lock Screen & Home Screen is a picture of him and Zoey

The System: Writes out entire convos in the notes app

V: Everytime he’s in control, he changes the Home Screen to a picture of him and Anne Maria

V: He also calls her every single time

Cutie pie

V: voice messages are his thing

V: definitely dropped it a dozen times. It’s cracked all over.

S: Follows every gymnast you can think of on social media

S: She’s the reason Mike has a Russian keyboard too

S: Her and Simone Biles are literally besties

S: Forced him to install Duolingo to learn Russian

Mi: He makes her learn Italian

MS: Tries to install dating apps every time he’s on the phone

MS: Searches for “Single Women In The Area” way too many times for it not to be concerning

Reminder: He’s married.

MS: Mike changed the password and no one can tell him what the new one is

C: “Alarms? Back in my day, we woke up with the sun!” *disables it*

C: Also doesn’t know the new password

Ma: Are you kidding? Obviously doesn’t know the password.

Ma: Guessed it once, and changed Mike’s ringtone to fart sounds

Mi: The original ringtone was Under Pressure by David Bowie & Queen

V: Likes to change it to Ice Ice Baby because Mike won’t notice it instantly

Ice Ice Baby <3 Thank you Laurie Elliott

Sam:

A Mario phone case. No other option.

His Lock Screen is the same as Dakota’s

CUTIE PIESSSSS OMG I LOVE THEM SO SO MUCH ASIDHDHS

*cough*

Anyways, his Home Screen is probably some game related Easter Egg.

Not an actual easter egg jic someone gets the wrong idea

His ringtone is Jump Up Superstar by The Living Tombstone

My personal fav version is the one by VGR

It’s a pretty new model

Dakota offered to buy him a newer one but he said it wasn’t necessary

It always has a low battery percentage so he carries a charger everywhere

Definitely a moderator on a few gaming rated subreddits or Discord servers

A lot more low-key than his gf on social media

They have matching profile pictures

Scott:

His phone is a hand me down

It’s so old it’s nearly a family heirloom

Dude doesn’t have a phone case

It SHOWS. His phone is beat up.

His lockscreen is a photoshopped pic of his sister’s head on the body of a donkey.

They’re each others biggest hater

His homescreen is just a big pile of dirt.

It always reminds him of home.

I’m having so much fun with this one you have no idea

Scott and Jo have the most insane Twitter beef I swear

There’s a Tumblr account dedicated to it.

Scott also has several fan accounts (all ran by me lmao)

His playlist is absolutely insane.

The only Kanye songs I listened to are Monster & American Boy - because he’s awful - and they’re both 10/10 songs I fear

Scott actually has an amazing taste in music

Dude probably loves Whistle

I hate to admit it but it’s a good song

His ringtone is Right Round by Flo Rida & Ke$ha

Staci:

Phone case is light blue.

Both backgrounds are family photos

The family group chat is crazy

She makes it her job to alter Wikipedia articles every weekend

Her calendar is full of family functions

Her ringtone is Beautiful atiful Liar by Beyoncé and Shakira

Unfortunately her music taste is great too

Her voice messages are infinitely long. So are her voice mails

Multiple people from Total Drama (Jo and Scott) have her blocked

Zoey:

Her phone case is clear. She slipped a Polaroid photo of the Revenge cast inside

She made her phone string herself. It’s full of cute charms like little mushrooms, flowers, ladybugs, leaves…

Her Lock Screen is a cute (and slightly goofy ) picture of her, Cam and Mike

Her Home Screen was a group selfie taken on a girl’s night she had with the Revenge girls. Jo has her middle finger out - it was painted black at Dakota’s insistence-, Dakota and Anne Maria are posing while Dawn and Staci have each other in a half-hug and Zoey is taking the picture and doing a peace sign

I should draw that sometimes…

Anyway, Zoey is definitely an avail emoji user too. Also kaomojis (/*•*)/

Her ring tone is Take Me Away by Christina Vidal

Freaky Friday anyone??

She posts the cutest pics on social media

Tries to defuse the Jo/Scott beef

Fails, miserably

#total drama #tdroti #total drama revenge of the island #tdas #total drama all stars #td anne maria #td b #td brick #td cameron #td dakota #td dawn #td jo #td lightning #td mike #td scott #td sam #td staci #td zoey #zoke #td zoke #samkota #jockjockjock #i love them so so so much #headcanon #td headcanons #Spotify

[call-me-chaotic]

Hey!

i know u stated that u are not confident in honkai star rail but, i was wondering if u could do a luka x reader?

i have a prompt which hopefully is not that detailed.

luka and reader try to set up seelie and Bronya but they pull an uno reverse and they are in fact pretending to not be dating to set luka and reader up (becuz them setting seelie and bronya and bringing them together)

i hope this is not too much! also u can call me 🪞 anon!

Fake dates and cake trays : Luka x gn!reader

I’M SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG!ALL MY WRITING MOTIVATION DISAPPEARED 😭 take this apology fic anon-which-i-cant-find-the-emoji-for [also i have 0 idea if my writing Luka was accurate or not :,> ] anyway i edited it so it was like christmas special :D i like ice skating expect ice skating fics WC:1079

Tick,tock,tick,tock. You glanced at your watch, the other two were supposed to be here ten minutes ago.

“Calm down [name], it’ll work!Our plan is foolproof” He chuckled to himself, his red hair swaying a bit. You glanced at his meal, he had ordered a starter. You hadn’t been hungry, so you simply got some water. Luca had scoffed everything down, well almost everything. Even the post-match hunger couldn’t convince him to eat some simple vegetables that came on the side.

You smiled to yourself, “are you even going to eat that?” you moved your hand to the side and grabbed your fork, moving it towards his plate. He made a defensive pout sort of expression. Before giving up and sliding the plate towards you. And you continued chatting.

“Are you going to order anything else?It’s been an hour since you both finished your food” The rather agitated waitress said, the still smile not moving. You glanced nervously at Luka, neither of you had seen Seele and Bronya, the entire reason you had been here.

“Yeah! I’ll get… that please” Luka chirped, pointing to something on the menu. “And they’ll have [your favourite meal idk] “ The waitress nodded, walking away quickly. “I mean, we’re here already?Might as well get some food too.” He chuckled and shrugged.

You didn’t question how he knew your favourite.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

You both waited by the fountain, your eyes were scanning the crowd— and mostly Luka, who was currently trying to pick up a pigeon. To no avail.

FINALLY! You spotted Bronya walk out of the flower shop with Seele, you quickly grabbed the back of Luka’s vest thing, and yanked him towards you.

“Hey— be careful next time” he huffed,rubbing the back of his neck.Before he saw what you saw. “Wait— they didn’t buy anything?!C’mon that was the best plan we have tried so far!” he whined slightly,running his hands through his hair before grinning. “Well! we’ll just have to try again”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You watched as Luka tapped his fingers on the bench, the other two were late again. He seemed restless, or maybe excited. Maybe both. You sighed, resting your chin in your hands.

“do i have something on my face?” He said, and you snapped back. He was looking you directly in the eyes, and for a moment, one moment, you wanted nothing more than to cup his cheeks in your hands and kiss him.

At that thought, you forced a cough, trying to fight the heat rising in your cheeks. “It’s nothing, i just zoned out” You chuckle, and for a second he frowns, before his phone beeps,and he quickly— far too quick to be normal— grabs his phone. He sighs, but you can see his eyes glitter in a way.

“Bronya and Seele aren’t going, apparently there’s some business about the underground they need to sort out.” He says, leaning down to tighten his ice skates. “it’s just us two again”

You stood up, shaking your feet a bit to get used to the weight on your feet, you grabbed Luka’s arm and pulled him up too. He stumbled a bit, but you managed to catch him. You couldn’t help looking at him for a few seconds longer than usual.

He started to walk forward towards the rink, happily dragging you along now, he seemed eager to get on the ice. I mean, it was the best chance ever! If you fell over he could catch you and it would be just oh so romantic, and maybe afterwards he’d be able to ask you to be his partner like he’d been meaning to for the last month. Seele had officially put the boot down, if he wasn’t going to say something. She would do it for him.

You both stood at the edge of the ice, Luka was eager, too eager. He immediately set a foot out, but he clearly didn’t expect it to slip so much as it did.And his leg gave out under him. You managed to catch him , and the look of embarrassment almost made it harder to not laugh than it already was. He was bright red!

He tried again,this time a bit more careful. He stumbled and wobbled around the place,managing to stand up straight while clinging to the railing. After a set of finger guns and almost slipping again. You joined Luka on the ice, it was a bit slippy. But you were able to more or less stay upright. Unlike your friend, you grabbed both his hands, the warm skin of one contrasting with the cool metal of the other.

With some movement you were able to go slightly backwards, you did almost fall. But you got the hang of it, Luka however did not. And every few metres he’d fall again, you’d catch him.

You weren’t able to catch him the last time, he had been improving, and wanted to go a bit of length without your help, but ended up slipping on the ice, and ended up with his palm and knees scratched by the now roughened ice.

Now you were both sitting in an attached cafe, hot chocolates in hand. You watched as he tried to discretely eat the cream before continuing to drink it, but with the low quality wood stir he had picked up it wasn’t going too well. He looked up, and you spent a full moment staring into those damned blue eyes. He tilted his head, and scrunched his eyes slightly in confusion. But you just chuckled in response.

As the time passed, you could sense him getting nervous, his legs were bouncing and he kept glancing around the room. You knew what was going to happen, he wasn’t exactly subtle.

But it was still impossible to not smile when it finally happened. When he finally turned to you and smiled that same damn smile that made your heart feel like it was about to explode. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while, so, wanna be my partner?Like officially and all—“

You grinned, and he seemed confused for a moment. Not seeming to get it. “Can i kiss you?”

“what?”

“can i kiss you” you repeated, and he nodded. You moved forward softly, kissing him softly on the lips, his lips tasted faintly like cherry chapstick, and you faintly recognised it as one of your old ones.

“you stole my chapstick again didnt you?”

#honkai star rail #hsr #honkai star rail x reader #luka x reader #hsr luka x reader #honkai star rail x you #star rail #hsr x reader

[jackharloww]

Baking Gingerbread Cookies

”You wanna bake something today?” Jack asked you as he put down milk in the cart.

You woke up early this morning and decided to go out for breakfast and then do some grocery shopping. Grace was sitting in the cart and immediately looked at Jack with wide eyes, having heard what he had asked you.

”Yes yes yes” She screamed, clapping her hands, making Jack laugh at her. 

”Shh baby, you got to use your inside voice,” you giggled at her excitement, before turning to look at Jack, giving him a nod. 

”Sure, babe. What are you thinking?”

”Gingerbread cookies?” He had seen the forms for the cookies in the aisles before and came up with the idea.  

”Ooo nice, go get the forms,” you told him giving him a kiss. While he went to get the forms, you continued with the rest of your shopping. 

As soon as you got home, Jack put away the groceries with the help of Grace, and you ordered some pizza for lunch. Getting thumbs up and big smiles from both of them. Grace was impatiently waiting for you to start baking and kept asking you every 10 minutes. After lunch, you cleaned the table and got everything ready. 

”Go grab the rolling pin,” You told Jack as you grabbed the flour from the pantry handing it to Grace, who insisted on helping with getting everything ready. 

”C’mon, time to make some cookies,” You exclaimed. Jack picked Grace up and sat her on the table. You gave them half of the dough and took the other half to you, and you all started to roll the dough, all of you making all different kinds of forms for the cookies, listening and singing to Christmas music.

”Daddy, look a bunny” Grace pointed to the cookie form she’d just made, proud of her creation. 

”So pretty,” Jack said and pulled out his phone and took multiple pictures and videos of her and you. 

When the three of you were satisfied with the work, You grabbed a baking sheet and placed all of the cookies on there, before putting them in the oven.

The Christmas playlist was still on in the background and “all I want for Christmas” came on, making you and Jack sing at the top of your lungs. He came closer to you, grabbed your hand and twirled you around before hugging and dancing with you. Grace was still sitting on the table giggling at you. Jack picked her up, and you all had a little dance break, laughing and singing to the songs in the playlist. After about 15 minutes the timer went off, indicating the cookies were ready. Jack took the cookies out, and you got ready to make the frosting. Designing the cookies just the way you wanted them. 

”Can I make a smiley” She asked, ”Like the one on the phone,” she explained, meaning an emoji. 

”Of course, you can, honey” you smiled at her  “do you need any help?” You asked as she shook her head.

”No thank you. I can do it,” She answered proudly. She had no trouble doing the eyes, but when it came to the mouth, both you and Jack saw how she struggled. You waited for her to ask for help and continued making your own cookies. After a minute of her trying, she looked up at Jack, a bit defeated.

”Help please” She whispered to Jack. He gave her a tender smile and showed her how to make the mouth for the smiley. When all of the cookies were decorated, You made all of you some hot cocoa while Grace and Jack picked out a cozy Christmas movie for you to cuddle up in front.

#jack fic #jack harlow #jackharlow #jack x reader #jack harlow imagine #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow story #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow stories #harlow #grace harlow #Christmas fic #gingerbread cookies #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow x reader

[aesopsharpmybeloved]

🚨 Sex that sent me to the ER

A little fun ends in need of medical assistance.

Requested by williewildkat on AO3

I'm slowly recovering from my writer's block and it may be apparent that I haven't had much practice lately. This is basically some steamy action followed by accidentally hurt reader and very guilty Paul.

Written for the NSFT emoji challenge

NSFT /18+ GET LOST CHILDREN

tw: accidental injury, likely inacurate descriptions of a dislocated shoulder

“How exactly did this happen?” asked Sarah Gunning, her gaze rather scrutinising.

“Um,” you said awkwardly, absent-mindendly rubbing at your sore shoulder. Just a few minutes ago this same shoulder had been dislocated, and the good doctor slowly and carefully helped you pop it back into its socket. “I was taking a jog by the Uppards, a cat tripped me and I fell. The fuzzball had the audacity to even hiss at me.”

It was an absolute lie.

However, there was no way you could ever tell Sarah just what happened that made you turn up on her doorstep this day.

---

It went like it usually did. Father Paul and you were spending time in the rectory, with you exploring new writing ideas and him reading, sitting behind his desk. You were content to simply be in each other’s company, the peaceful and comfortable silence only disturbed by an occasional seagull's cry, or a quick gust of wind against the aged little house. 

At one point it became slightly difficult to concentrate, however, as you felt eyes boring into you. You raised your head from your laptop to look at the tall priest, your gaze immediately caught by his smouldering dark eyes. They twinkled at you and Paul gave you a little smile before dropping his gaze back down to his book. You chuckled quietly and shook your head, returning to your work.

This happened a few more times, and before long, you began subtly giving the pastor a little show. Fingers of one hand played with your hair, twirling strands of it around your index. Then you’d scratch your knee a little, hand soon slowly moving up your thigh and pushing your skirt up a ever so slightly. Lastly, you’d arch a little, turning your head up and stretching your neck and shoulders, all the while closing your eyes and releasing quiet little relieved sounds. 

Your face remained neutral, aloof even, as if all of your movements were just normal, absent-minded fidgeting. You felt Father Paul’s eyes on you the whole time, and they seemed to be leaving scorching hot marks in their wake. Teasing him like you did always brought this kind of intensity in him, and you loved seeing and feeling it.

Finally, you raised your head once more to look at your lover. His book sat open in front of him on the table, long forgotten, his chin resting on one of his hands, while the other one lay on the table, balled into a fist. The deep brown eyes were darkened with lust and red tinged Paul’s smooth cheeks.

You got up, an innocent smile on your face and very slowly made your way over to him, hips swaying subtly. “What’s wrong,” you purred, “not enjoying your book?” He didn’t reply, seemingly hypnotised by your every move. Finally you reached him and wasted no time climbing into his lap, your skirt riding higher on your thighs.. You wiggled your hips in order to get more comfortable, and delighted in the small shudder that ran through Father Paul. 

Right away, you felt a quickly stiffening member underneath, and wiggled once more in order to further press it against your clothed dampening core. The priest sighed and two large hands landed on your hips, soon making them move in slow circular patterns.  You rested your forehead against his and breathed against his parted lips: “Kiss me.”

And Father Paul did just that. He turned his head slightly, until he was able to capture your mouth in a soft kiss. It started chaste almost, a big contrast to the sinful movements of your hips and quiet pleasured sounds being let into the other’s mouth. Very soon though, Father Paul grew bolder, his tongue finding its way past your lips and into your mouth, tasting you like a man starved. Meanwhile, your fingers buried themselves into his dark hair, as they always did, pulling at the strands and massaging his scalp. The pastor gasped every time you tugged a little harder.

He was fully hard underneath you now, and you felt the shaft bumping into your rapidly swelling clitoris with every move, your wetness growing further and drenching your underwear. The circular movements turned into small thrusts, the soft sighs into grunts. Paul separated your mouths and put a gentle hand on your cheek, making you look into his eyes. “God… god, you’re amazing,” he whispered, his voice breathy and gruff. His thumb caressed your cheekbone. There was so much love and honesty in his eyes, your breath caught in your throat.

Once more, you leaned over to press a kiss against his lips, one, two, three. “Take me, Paul. Right here,” you pleaded, your heavy petting session making your heat quiver excitedly. Father Paul nodded, eyes slightly out of focus: “G-get up.” 

You obeyed immediately, quitting your movements and bracing your hands on your lover’s shoulders, so that you could get back on your unsteady feet. He stood up as well and moved behind you, pressing your back against his chest, hips grinding against your own, erection dragging over the curves of your bum.

One of his hands travelled to your neck, moving your hair to the side so he could begin mouthing at the soft tender skin there. The other hand creeped over your hip and towards your front until it reached your thigh. Slowly the hand moved upwards and under your skirt, curious fingers sliding smoothly against your inner leg, closer and closer to where you wanted them the most. You released a shaky exhale, when two digits rubbed along your clothed nether lips, the fabric of your underwear drenched with your arousal now.

Father Paul grabbed your chin gently and turned your face to the side, right as his other hand slipped into your knickers, and he pressed a single finger against your swollen nub. Your mouth opened in a gasp and the priest immediately seized the opportunity to slip his tongue inside. He started rubbing your sex in the earnest, rewarded by quiet little grunts and moans vibrating against his lips.

A finger pushed within you and Paul groaned at the wet heat fluttering against it, hungry for way more. His other hand found the hem of your blouse and began pawing at it, prompting you to raise your arms so he could pull the garment of your body. You sighed happily once the blouse was off and cool air hit your heated body. Your hands free, you placed one of them against his own, the one that was contently fingering you. The other hand travelled behind you and slipped between the tight fit of your bodies, immediately finding the hard clothed cock and rubbing it teasingly. 

Father Paul, who was currently fondling your left nipple with his free hand, released a little moan and his mouth separated from your own. To your slight disappointment, the hand on your breasts disappeared, but you soon found out why. The hand blindly started pushing things on the desk out of the way, some books and papers even falling to the floor. Neither of you paid any mind to them.

The priest extracted himself from you and you instantly missed the warmth of his body and the feeling of his fingers on and in your core. A gentle hand pushed against the space between your shoulder blades and guided you to bend your body over the desk. You lowered your torso and shivered at the feeling of cold wood against your heated skin. A few minor adjustments later and your bum was pushed up, skirt bunching around your waist, legs parted, knickers ripped off and somewhere on the floor. Your hands gripped the edges of the desk in a vice grip. 

Pressing your warm cheek against the wood, you watched Father Paul out of the corner of your eye. Two large lean hands touched your shoulders and slowly moved down, caressing your skin lovingly and moving down until they reached your arse cheeks. He got down onto his knees and spread you further, face inches from your dripping sex. His breath fluttered against your folds and you exhaled shakily.

The priest’s thumb came to pull one of your nether lips to the side and the next second his tongue was thrusting into your hungry opening, making you arch your back on the rectory desk. “P-Paul,” you whined, “Please, just… I need-” You felt him grin against you. “Okay,” he murmured, so quietly you nearly didn’t hear him over your wildly beating heart.

You heard some shuffling - a faint ‘ding’ of a belt buckle, a sound of a zipper being pulled down. You turned your head even more and saw your lover’s stiff cock in its full glory, deep red and glistening. Paul gripped its base and came forward. Your eyes closed on their own accord and a relieved moan fought its way out of your throat when you felt the first inch or two enter you. But then he stayed still.

 “Paul!” you protested, barely noticing how desperate your voice sounded, “please, don’t tease me!” Father Paul bent over and you were immediately washed over with the comfort you felt every time you felt his body pressing into your own. He craned his head to connect your lips in a sweet kiss. Your eyes were closed and you wiggled, attempting to get his member further into you, but as you were trapped underneath Paul’s body weight, it was no use. 

So concentrated on the kiss and the need to get finally filled, you didn’t notice the priest’s hands were moving your own behind your back, until suddenly the kiss stopped and Paul’s hips gave a hard thrust, burying his cock within you completely. The suddenes and intensity of it pushed the air out of your lungs and your entire body shuddered. Paul gripped your wrists firmly, there was no way you’d get out of his hold. Not that you minded.

Paul’s hips began snapping into yours, his movements hard and deep. Having had almost no time to adjust to Paul’s girth, the stretch burned sweetly, the slight pain mixing with pleasure soon turned you into an incoherent mess. You barely registered the scrape of teeth upon your shoulder and neck as Paul leaned over you once more, the hold on your wrists tightening ever so slightly. The coil in your stomach was already burning bright and tightening with every deep, toe-curling thrust. Your hips unconsciously moved to meet the priest’s own and your back arched every time he hit that hidden spot within you, nearly making your vision falter momentarily. 

“I’m- I’m c-close,” sounded a shaky voice beside your ear, followed by a series of soft moans. You decided not to grace him with an answer. Not that you’d be even able to really answer that at the moment anyway. Your lover shifted and that hidden bundle of nerves inside you was now mercilessly pounded with each harsh snap of his hips. Your eyes rolled back and your moans turned into breathless little grunts. Two fingers then attacked your swollen throbbing clit and you were thrown over the edge, plummeting head first into the abyss of ground-shaking orgasm, your thighs trembling and bound hands trashing uselessly against Paul’s hold. 

Your cheek dragged over the smooth wood of Paul’s desk and as his movements quickened and his moans grew in volume. As his rubbing of your poor lovebud hadn’t ceased, you felt your overstimulation grow and were soon thrown into yet another release, and this one was searing, scorching hot, very nearly painful. Your body screamed from the pleasure and pain, and hot tears rolled over your lashes as you writhed underneath the priest’s body. You were so overwhelmed by the sensations, the sounds, the smells, you didn’t even notice the pain in your shoulder as Paul had to pull on your wrists a little to keep your arms from trashing.

Finally, a broken ‘Oh, good God’ cut through the sounds of skin on skin and deep moans, and you felt hotness spread within you. Paul groaned into your skin and slowed his thrusting, and you were able to feel each spurt of his thick cum painting your walls white, some of it soon starting to drip out of your still clenching opening. 

Soon you could only hear two sets of laboured breathing and wildly beating hearts. Your wrists were released and it only now occurred to you that he managed to hold you down entirely with just a single hand ever since the other one went to rub at your clit earlier. Still high from your endorphin explosions earlier, you almost didn't register that the pain in your shoulder began lightly throbbing and your right arm felt really weird when you tried to move it.

Still buried inside you, Paul rested his entire weight against you, making you almost purr in contentment. Tiredly you put your left hand up to run your fingers through his hair and pull him to you. The angle was a little off, but you desperately needed to kiss him. Father Paul had similar ideas and soon you drank off the other’s lips, exchanging soft words and tender smiles. Paul’s hands meanwhile moved over every inch of skin he could reach from his position, caressing your sides, your hips, your shoulders-

You hissed.

“What’s wrong?” asked Paul immediately, “Did I hurt you?” His voice was full of concern. He lifted himself up slightly and began observing you for any damage he might have caused. “No, no,” you murmured, hating to hear him worried, “I probably just pulled a muscle, or something.” Deafening silence was your only answer. “Paul? Ouch!” you swore quietly when the priest touched your right shoulder. “I don’t think this is a pulled muscle, Angel…” he sounded so incredibly apologetic and ashamed, but before you could ask what happened, you cringed as he pulled his soft shaft out of you, your combined releases following it and running down your thigh.

He helped you stand and you looked at your shoulder. There was a weird bump there, and you were quick to identify this bump as the edge of your collarbone. “We need to call Sarah,” he said quickly, already scrambling for his phone which was lying among the heap of things he moved to the side earlier. “Hey, hey, stop,” you grabbed the device before he could as much as unlock it. “Calm down love,” your hand touched his cheek, forcing him to look into your eyes. His own warm dark orbs looked panicked and sad, even glistening wetly. 

“I hurt you,” he said hoarsely, his knuckles going white around the phone. “It was an accident,” was your quiet placating reply. You took the mobile from his hand before he'd crush it in his hold, and put it back on the desk. You captured his mouth with yours softly, before moving your lips to his eyelids, kissing the unshed tears away, your healthy hand caressing his hot cheek. “It’s just a dislocated shoulder, Paul. It can happen.” He sighed unhappily and placed his forehead on your good shoulder.

“We need to ask Sarah to come look at it, though,” he murmured against your skin, making you chuckle slightly. “That’d be hard to explain love,” you said, fingers drawing soothing patterns into the crown of his hair, “we’re both a mess and reek of sex. The entire room is. I’ll clean myself up quickly and pay her a visit, okay?” 

He assisted you in his little shower, helping you wash places you couldn’t reach now that your right hand was temporarily out of business. Paul also helped you dress in one of the sets of spare clothes you kept in the rectory. Once you deemed you looked presentable enough, you made to go to the island’s doctor’s house. Paul sat on the little sofa looking somewhere off in the distance, his eyes still sad. Releasing a ‘tsk’ sound you walked until you were right in front of him. “Paul,” you said, gently.

The priest looked at you and swallowed, instantly starting to fidget with the hem of his sleeve. You placed your left hand under his chin and made him raise his head. Your lips connected. Soon his mouth relaxed against yours and he released a soft sigh. “Promise me you won’t beat yourself up over this?” you spoke quietly. Your lover chuckled humorlessly: “I can’t promise you that.” You gave a pout. “Well, at least promise me you won’t beat yourself up too much? Really, it was an accident, it could happen to anyone. I’ve known a person who dislocated their shoulder by bumping into a door frame.” He looked down for a bit before his eyes met your own once more. Paul sighed again: “I-... I’ll try…”

—

All in all, it wasn’t all that terrible. Sarah fixed you up, gave you a neat sling and some prescription painkillers. You were standing in front of the rectory not even an hour after you originally left. You pushed the door open and was immediately hit with the amazing smell of onions and garlic sauteing on the stove. You were nearly salivating by the time you spotted Father Paul. He was opening a can of diced tomatoes. “I, um, I’m making spaghetti,” you could see his eyes travelling to your sling right away.

You chuckled and came closer. “The arm’s alright,” you started, “I’ll only have the sling for a week.” He nodded his head, but looked sad still. “Paul Hill," you spoke strictly, "if you don't stop beating yourself up, I'll beat you up myself, once my arm’s fully functional again, I swear it!" Finally, finally, he quietly giggled. You gave him a gentle headbutt, then connected your mouths in a long kiss. A loud hiss brought you back to reality.

"You're burning the garlic, love."

Thank you for reading. I hope it wasn't too bad. It's been two months since I published anything at all and there are two other wips sitting in my drive giving me the stink eye. As always, you can check this work and all of my other works over on AO3. If you decide to leave a review, I'll be very happy &lt;3

#nsft emoji #father paul smut #father paul hill #midnight mass #fanfiction #midnight mass fanfiction #reader insert #father paul x reader #father paul x you #poor paul #someone cuddle him

[cryptiles]

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RANDOM TEXTS — PART 1 / PART 2

— details ; brothers x gn! reader ; head-cannon based ; 〘🐙〙 ; obey me m.list ; they/them/you/yours

— summary ; domestic texts between you and the brothers

— requests are open as of 17/8

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LUCIFER

“ good afternoon mc , are you home ? “

“ yeah i am , why ? “

“ a package was just delivered to the front porch , do me a favour and check it for me would you ? “

“ ofc ofc , give me a sec. “

“ are these flowers ? “

“ do you like them ? “

“ THANK YOU , OMG THEY’RE SO PRETTY 🥴“

“ i would love to go back to 2 seconds ago where we were relishing in the moment without the mention of fathers name. “

“ 🏃‍♀️“

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MAMMON

“ oi ! i’m stuck out in the rain tell lucifer i’ll be late for dinner. “

“ pftt .. imagine. “

“ don’t laugh at me ! i wore an expensive jacket out today too … now its ruined. “

“ wru rn ? “

“ outside some randos shops shelter. “

“ jeez everyones wet and soaked as fuck , smells like shit. “

“ LMAOAAOO HELP 🚶‍♀️ but anyways i’ll come pick you up if you want. “

“ wait what ? you’re gonna walk here in this type of heavy rain ? “

“ umbrellas exist dumbass. “

“ YEAH BUT STILL , i wouldn’t wanna trouble you it’s just a bit of rain. “

“ nothing the great mammon can’t handle ! 😈 “

“ yeah yeah … i’ll wait for you in your room , movie night remember ? “

“ WELL NOW THAT YOU’RE WAITING FOR ME THE GREAT MAMMON WON’T LET YOU MISS ME FOR LONG ! “

“ IM RUNNING BACK NOW , DONT YOU DARE STEP OUT IN THE RAIN. “

“ jackass 😒 “

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LEVITHAN

“ MC ! COME TO MY ROOM RN ASAP 💯 “

“ for what ? i’m lazy to leave my bed. “

“ WELL “

“ GUESS WHAT 🤭 “

“ I GOT EARLY ACCESS TO THAT ANIME YOU LIKE FROM THE HUMAN WORLD “

“ EX FUCKING CUSE ME ? HOW ? HUH ? 😀 “

“ SAY SIKE RN 🤨 “

“ IM NOT JOKING MC GET HERE RN , OFFER LASTS FOR THE NEXT 5 MINUTES “

“ ILL BE COUNTING “

“ LEVI I FUCKING LOVE YOU RN IM OMW “

“ YOU WHAT ? “

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SATAN

“ pick me’s are more infuriating than popular wannabes. “

“ i rest my case. “

“ they’re equally as annoying , both types can’t keep their mouths shut. “

“ disagree. pick me’s act upon it changing their tone of voice and putting others down for their own gain. “

“ that’s a lowball. “

“ okay yeah valid point but then again you could argue that the wannabes have a chance of dropping their now friends for the more well-known group. “

“ meet me at the library in 5 , i’ll make some tea for both of us while we discuss this. “

“ are we really debating over high school drama … “

“ yes , it’s important. “

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ASMODEUS

“ mccc !! “

“ mc ! “

“ sweetieee “

“ answer me love 😾😾😾 “

“ sorry sorry , mammon was speaking to me. “

“ you know , you should stop hanging out with him and instead with me ! 🤗 “

“ but moving on ! i found this adorable pair of boots that would look absolutely gorgeous on you. “

“ ugh ! imagining you in those already makes my heart flutter you’d look so adorable 💕 “

“ mc ! i’ll swing by the house and pick you up get ready in 15 minutes hon , we’re going on a shopping spree. “

“ HEOBDDK SEND ME THE ADDY BABES ‼️ “

“ ILL WALK OVER “

“ NO NO DONT YOU DARE ! “

“ i’ll come pick you up sweetie there’s no way i’m letting you walk here all by yourself ! “

“ what if someone steals you away from me while im not there ? 😾 “

“ alright alright YOU BETTER BE HERE SOON “

“ also you’re spending too much time with satan , the amount of times you’ve used that angry cat emoji is concerning … “

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BEELZEBUB

“ BEEL WRU ? “

“ THIS IS AN EMERGENCY ‼️ “

“ mc ! are you alright ? do you need help ? are you hurt ? “

“ NO NO NONE OF THAT “

“ i’m just extremely tired today and i don’t feel like walking down the long hallway for dinner … “

“ could you come to my room and give me a piggy back ride ? 😁 “

“ oh “

“ thank goodness you’re not hurt. ☺️ “

“ but sure :D i’m omw to your room , hang tight mc. “

“ ilysm 🫶 “

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BELPHEGOR

“ wru ? “

“ my room , why ? “

“ come to the planetarium “

“ the stars are really pretty tonight “

“ they remind me of the celestial realm , where we couldn’t admire our own stars … “

“ but here , i’m able to do one of my favourite activities with everyone , with you. “

“ i told you i forgave you belphie. “

“ please don’t beat yourself up on it anymore. “

“ how did you know ? “

“ you never have enough energy to type this many words 🥱 “

“ also open the door , i think you accidentally locked it. “

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© 2022 cryptiles. please do not repost / translate my work and post it to other social media websites without permission , thank you.

#obey me x reader #obey me fluff #obey me #obey me x you #requests are open #om! asmodeus #om! lucifer #om! mammon #om! leviathan #om! beelzebub #om! belphegor #shall we date obey me #obey me x gender neutral reader