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torialefay · 2 months

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could you do for the smut drabbles: 3 with bangchan, 4 with jisung, or 7 (or) 9 with i.n?? no worries if not! thank you <3 i don't want you to write all of them cause it'd be a lot of work, take care of yourself girl! ily <3

"What Did You Wish For?" 🎂

jeongin x fem!reader smut 🔞

✨ synopsis: innie's birthday calls for whatever it is that the birthday boy wants.

✨ word count: 1.6k

✨ warnings: smut and crude language, drunk sex, minors dni.

✨ author's note: this was a super quick write, so sorry if there's a lot of grammatical errors (i didn't double check).

• "damn baby," he pulled back, "you really outdid yourself with the cake." he smiled. he knew he was getting you riled up. you loved him like this- high off the alcohol buzz and ready to do whatever he wanted.

• "so good... you should have more," he smiled cockily as he slowly brought his fingers back to your mouth, this time parting your lips and sticking them far back and across your tongue.

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• as soon as you'd arrived to the boys' apartment, it was frantic with the guys running around everywhere, trying to make sure everything was in place before jeongin returned home.

• "jesus christ, watch yourself!" you said half-jokingly, half-annoyed to changbin as he rushed by with tape in his hands. you had managed to carry the cake up all by yourself (thanks guys for offering to help) and didn't want to drop it at the last moment.

• after setting it on the counter and getting candle arranged, you checked the time. only a couple of minutes until jeongin was supposed to be back.

• you looked around the room and were surprised to see what a good job the guys had done at decorating. the room was filled with other friends of jeongin's and there were strobe lights and a loud speaker ready to go.

• "he's here!" hyunjin quietly yelled down the hallway after checking through the peep-hole in the front door. he quickly ran to hide himself, as did everyone else.

• you all waited in silence to hear jeongin rattle the door with his keys, then the sound of clubky boots walking down the dark, silent hall. as he rounded the corner, hyunjin hit the light switch to light up the main living room.

• "surprise!" everyone shouted at the same time. jeongin startled a bit, then grabbed his chest as he smiled, laughing a bit realizing what was going on.

• people started flocking to him with their respective "happy birthday"s while jisung manned the speakers, cranking them up with a pre-made playlist.

• changbin and seungmin headed straight to the drinks table, relieved they could finally open up the whisky they'd been excited to start on all day.

• after mingling, drinking, and enjoying the party, you finally got to catch up with your boyfriend after everyone sang him happy birthday, his cake lit up with sparkler candles.

• you'd offered to cut the cake and hand it out to whoever wanted some. by the end of it, you were a sticky, caked-up mess.

• jeongin came and stood next to you in the kitchen area as you set down the knife, getting ready to clean yourself up.

• "enjoying your birthday baby? what did you wish for?" you asked with a smile. you could tell by his pink cheeks that he'd had more than enough to drink. and to be fair, so did you.

• "mmm it's been pretty good," he said smiling.

• he leaned in closely to your ear. "but i think i need to show you what i wished for," he giggled dauntingly.

• you looked up to him with questioning eyes, not needing to say anything.

• quickly, he stuck two fingers into the cake icing and then used his other hand to grab your own, now mingling with the sticky mess.

• he led you past everyone quickly, not acknowledging anyone as he passed by them.

• quickly, he reached for the bathroom door and swung it open, all but throwing himself in with you being pulled behind him.

• the bathroom was lowly lit- the only light being from the ceiling was dimming and you could just make out one meter in front of you.

• "what are we-" you couldn't finish your sentence before jeongin flipped your body around and pushed you up against the door, locking it behind you.

• "happy birthday to me?" he smirked before holding his two fingers out, still loaded down with the frosting.

• "whatever you want, birthday boy," you smirked back, catching on.

• he brought his fingers up to your lips as you opened them. surprisingly, he didn't push them into your mouth, but instead smeared the icing all around them. he made sure to take his time, dragging his fingers slowly across each lip, coating them in the sweet sugary flavor.

• once he was satisfied, he looked down at you as he violently went in to kiss you, smearing icing all around you in the process.

• "so good... you should have more," he smiled cockily as he slowly brought his fingers back to your mouth, this time parting your lips and sticking them far back and across your tongue.

• you savored the flavor, taking the chance to lick his finger clean and swirl your tongue around him. slowly but surely, you kept going up you were sure nothing was left. you made eye contact with him as you finished.

• "hold on sweetheart, i don't think you got it all," jeongin said. before you could realize what was happening, he pushed his fingers in further, hitting the back of your throat. you automatically started to gag around him as he menacingly grinned. he did nothing but hold his fingers back, savoring the way you looked while choking on them.

• he quickly began to move his fingers forward and backward, throat fucking you with his fingers alone. the way you retched around him and gasped for air as he pulled out got him harder and harder until he couldn't stand it anymore.

• "good fucking girl," he snarled as he aggressively removed his fingers from your mouth. he shot his hand down to undo his pants and pull his underwear down slightly.

• you could tell that he was completely hard, precum already forming at his tip. he gave himself a few quick pumps with his hand, getting it covered in your saliva. you watched his mouth dropped as he began to wince at the sudden pressure.

• making sure you were still pinned up against the wall, he quickly raised the bottom of your dress and all but ripped your underwear to the side. he threw one of your legs up and around his waist.

• "this is what i wished for baby," he smiled sinisterly before pushing himself into you. usually he would warm you up, but not this time. he snapped his hips up into you as quickly as he could, feeling your body almost break around him trying to accommodate the size.

• "ah fuck," you winced as the pain started to turn into pleasure.

• jeongin bottomed into you before quickly pulling back out and ramming in again.

• the pressure was almost unimaginable. absolutely delicious, but unimaginably so. the alcohol in your system had you honing into the stimulation, only registering what you felt in your very core in that moment.

• jeongin pressed his whole body tighter into you as he quickened his pace, fucking into you as hard as he could. he was grunting now, determined to fuck you dumb, just like he wanted.

• you wrapped your arms around his neck as he kept pounding into you relentlessly, getting messier and messier by the second. you felt yourself dripping around him. and there was no doubt by the way jeongin was moaning that he felt it too.

• you began to pant heavily as he rolled his hips and leg into you, giving pressure to your clit that just kept building and building. with each new thrust came a new pressure, mingling the sensations together.

• you felt yourself growing closer and closer as jeongin connected his lips to yours. your mouths still tasted of sweet sugar as your tongues moved around each other in a fight. you tried to grapple at him, at his hair, into his mouth, any way you could just to get the most pressure and the feel the most of him you possibly could.

• hearing jeongin moan your name was the last thing you needed to feel the warmth in your stomach build to it's climax and your breath to begin hitching.

• with two more sudden, sharp, and hard thrusts, you were cumming around him violently. a scream left your throat, but you couldn't control it. you did everything you could to contain yourself, but your legs felt like they were giving out, leaning in to the pleasure and convulsing around him as he fucked into you at the same fast pace.

• "hold on baby, i'm cumming... holy fuck... agh shit." he got louder and louder as he slammed into you harder than before. he sounded almost desperate at this point until a loud yell came out from the bottom of his throat, fucking into you as his cum shot out. you felt him twitch inside of you as he came, sending your senses into overdrive.

• you could do nothing but cry and moan and scream at the pleasure as you both rode out your highs. you didn't care who had heard. the sound of him slamming you up against the door had been a give-away anyways.

• once you'd both calmed down and finally caught your breath, he gently pulled out and straightened your dress out before pulling his pants back up to get situated. he stood in front of the mirror cleaning himself up a bit.

• you stood there, still resting your body against the door, half-dazed. you could barely register what had just happened. it was all so quick. all you knew was you were now exhausted and damn, you felt good.

• as jeongin turned back towards you to give you a quick kiss, you hugged him tightly and whispered into him. "happy birthday baby."

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#skz x reader #stray kids x reader #jeongin smut #jeongin x reader #jeongin scenarios #jeongin imagines #jeongin #jeongin stray kids #stray kids smut #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #skz smut #skz scenarios #stray kids scenarios #stray kids

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amomentwiser · 9 months

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"Why don't you spend time with us?" they say, "Keep your phone away at the table."

Parents say they want to talk — until it's about anything real.

They don't want to know about how their plans for your future make you feel.

They don't want to know your fears, hopes or dreams.

The things you're interested in — your favourite music, games and movies;

Or the things you've come to believe.

Sometimes it feels like parents don't want to get to know you as a person. They only see you in relation to themselves.

Or sometimes they do talk about music and games and movies, and it's even worse — because the conversations you want to have are serious.

And it's worse because it becomes very clear, that they don't want to have conversations that matter. That, god forbid, make them feel.

They want to avoid talking about all the times they yelled at you. No apology, no acknowledgement. Just glaze over those parts and pretend everything's normal. Neither guilt nor remorse.

And you're left wondering whether this thing you have a memory of actually happened, because everyone is acting like it didn't. And whether your anger is warranted, because everyone is acting like it isn't.

An unspoken decision: "Yes, we were harsh earlier, but we felt bad and are being nice now"

The implied demand: "...so be grateful,"

The undercurrent of a threat: "...or I'll get angry again."

And a push to move on: "Why do you bear grudges? Leave the past in the past."

All these little clues, that you learn to read in their body language and their eyes and their vibe.

And then they balk when you don't call them. Or jump at the chance to spend time with them — or even have a relationship.

It's weird, loving people you don't like. That you'd never choose of your own volition; that you'd never be friends had you met in the real world. People you're indebted to anyway, because they took care of you your whole life and changed your diapers and drove you to school, and what friend would ever do that?

Had they been overly abusive I would've cut them off without guilt; if I didn't know that despite it all, they really did love me, I wouldn't have cared about hurting their feelings.

Some people... you love them only because they are family. If they were a boyfriend, I would've broken up with them; if they were a spouse I would've divorced them. Alas, they are my parents, and I'm destined to love them. To give up a kidney for them if need be, but not any days out of my workweek.

I don't have these conversations with my family because I've come to realise that this is something they're not emotionally equipped to handle. Too much self-awareness would bring out memories not only of the mistakes they made with me, but also all the times adults in their childhood failed them; of all the ways they themselves were wronged; all the years they wasted because of choices they didn't know they had; and all the things they wish they'd done differently. So I understand; the flood of anger and regrets it brings to the surface must be draining.

But that also means that I'll distance myself from them, because for me, their misunderstood love is draining. And because this has to stop somewhere; someone has to start choosing differently — and I've decided it'll be me.

#the daddy's girl to daddy issues pipeline #brown parents #break the cycle #strict parents #toxic family #brown people problems #self love #self care #quotes #writers on tumblr #desiblr #desi culture #desi girl #indian writer #desi parents #dysfunctional family

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megaderping · 3 months

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Nothing drives me up the wall more in the Persona 5 fandom than when people act like they'd be so much better than Akechi in his position. "Well, I would know better!" Bullshit. You don't know that. Japan's treatment of illegitimate children is so heinous that I don't think it's easy for westerners to comprehend. As I understand it, when you turn 15, you're thrown out of the system. Akechi was... how old when he approached Shido? Ah, yes, 15. Likely, he'd been cast out to fend for himself when Yaldabaoth gave him the power (with very malevolent intentions). Shido has his cleaner and his connections. Even if Akechi quit, he wouldn't be safe in the real world. Maybe in the Metaverse, but how long could he even feasibly stay there before needing to eat and sleep? There are safe areas, sure, but those are hardly accommodating, and people severely understate the impact Shido could've had on his mental health once he did join with him. Look at Yusuke and Haru, both of whom were abused and neglected by their parental figures. Both of whom had difficulty even acknowledging what was wrong. Haru continued to downplay her father's crimes and atrocities as well as his abuse of her, likely in part due to her grief and in part due to her wishes for what he could've been. Trauma and mental illness as well as a lack of support systems can break people and push them to make reckless choices because they believe there is nothing else they are good for. The Phantom Thieves were lucky enough to have each other, and that saved them from going down a dark path. Any one of them could have and, hell, if Yaldabaoth had chosen Yusuke or Haru, for instance, there's no way Madarame and Okumura wouldn't have taken advantage of that power and made them do heinous things. Just... god. I really hate the armchair "well, I'm smart enough to know better and I would take homelessness over ~murder~." It's easy to say that when you haven't suffered years of neglect and presumably abuse in a society that sees you as less than human due to circumstances outside your control (e.g. being an illegitimate child whose mother did sex work) in a country that is opposed to adoption overall and just... Argh. And this all started because I tried to point out that, hey, maybe calling Shuake toxic in a server for a fic that is one of the big Akechi and Shuake fics isn't the kindest thing, tried to explain things, and it just blew up. While also pushing for why their preferred ship is better and like... god. I hate that so much. ._. Fastest way to turn me off of a ship is when really hostile fans use their preferred pairing to tear down one that I really like. Just... blargh. What a way to start the day.

#dorkvents #goro akechi #discourse #persona 5

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roxy-writes · 10 months

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this fic is copied directly from my ao3

warnings: noncon, date rape drugs/roofies, kidnapping, bondage

i do not condone any of this behavior irl.

You'd never have guessed that your friendship with Katsuki Bakugo would've turned out to be the worst thing that ever happened to you. Actually, yeah you could've. He'd held the title of the most brash, aggressive person you knew from the moment you met him. But...you didn't think he had the capacity to actually ruin your fucking life the way he did. You took him as someone who took every emotion he had and channeled it out into anger, whether it be during his hero work or in daily life. And, despite your best efforts, you managed to find his behavior endearing. You don't know how you put up with him, maybe it was those ever so rare moments where he actually showed affection normally, or maybe it was..you don't really know.

You remember how it all started, when you worked as a barista in a small, local coffee shop Bakugo frequented. He'd come in, clad in his hero suit, his very presence commanding. He'd mutter his order to the cashier and lean against the wall, waiting for someone to shout out "Dynamight", signaling that his order was ready. You'd only glance at him, never paying much mind to the hero. Until one day, your close friend told you they'd become friends with a very popular hero they'd like you to meet. You didn't know who to expect, but it certainly wasn't...him. He recognized you and you recognized him, but neither of you acknowledged it. You couldn't help but enjoy his company once you warmed up to each other. He definitely had charisma. So you and your friend hung out with him more often, and eventually you and him started hanging out alone.

Further into your friendship with Bakugo, you really got a glimpse into who he really was. He wasn't your closest friend, but you had him around often. He liked cooking dinner for you a lot, and he'd always complain if you ordered food instead of just letting him make you something. You'd never admit it, but he was a great cook. He came over to your place one night, and it progressed like every other. He'd get mad at you for trying to order something, scold you, and dig through all your food looking for something to make. So, once he was done, you sat down at the table as he served the food he made. Your favorite food. How'd he know you liked this? You were too hungry to question anything, so you ate with him. You remember taking a sip of the drink he'd poured you, going to sit on your couch with him, and that's where your memories come to a halt.

You'd always figured he might've had a thing for you, but you didn't think he'd go this far.

You woke up somewhere you didn't recognize, in a bed that wasn't yours, with a man you thought was your friend. The fear that rushed through you was like no other, especially during the moment you saw his sick fucking smile as he stared at you from the end of the bed. You don't remember what he said then, but you remember what he did. Remember how horrid you felt when he pinned you down and tied you up so you couldn't fight, slipped his hands into your pants and started touching you. He rubbed your clit and stuck his thick fingers in you, preparing you for what you knew he'd been waiting for. You didn't want it to feel as good as it did. You wished he was hurting you instead, because who was he to be pleasuring you? He shouldn't be the one making you feel like this. But he wasn't gonna listen to your pleas for him to stop. You suspected that the more you begged for this to be over, the more it turned him on, and eventually your cries devolved into high-pitched moans, cries and hiccups. He pulled his soaked fingers out of you, licked them clean, and lined his cock up with your hole.

You instantly became distraught, squirming uselessly. You weren't getting out of this, and you knew it. But that wasn't gonna stop you from begging him to let you go, your words quickly becoming drowned out by his groans and the sounds of his balls smacking against your ass. The stretch felt like you were being torn in half, and he didn't give you much time to adjust before he started moving. Your eyes stayed wide as you tried your best to shut them closed so you wouldn't have to watch what was happening to you. His hair stuck to his face, and his muscles flexed with every thrust. He looked euphoric, like this was all he'd ever wanted. You also remembered he kept talking about how this was just him getting his revenge for all the times you flirted with him and led him on, and how he'd been anticipating the day he'd finally do this. You wondered if this was the only reason he kept up being friends for so long, if this was his goal from the very start. But soon, your train of thought was cut off abruptly by your orgasm. You wished this would all be over already. After a few minutes of him continuing his assault on your cunt, you felt warm cum flood your pussy. Oh fuck. This was only getting worse for you. He pulled out after he was done and cleaned you up. You don't think you ever fully grasped the reality of what had just happened to you.

You went quickly from hanging out with him maybe once a week to seeing him daily. Locked up in this fucking room, with only yourself for company while he was at work. There were a few items to help entertain you, books and things like that. Still, you spent most of your time sitting around, thinking. Thinking about how you'll just have to wait until someone finds you. You lost your sense of time after a while, so you had almost no idea of how long you'd been there. Until he got home from work and came to visit you, you'd just be stuck waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

#tw dark content #tw noncon #mha x reader smut #mha smut #mha x reader #bnha x reader #bnha x reader smut #bnha smut #bakugo x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugo smut #bakugo x reader smut

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creedslove · 3 months

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omg I had this dream of Marcus Pike where he and me were very good friends and I started to develop feelings for him but all of a sudden Teresa appeared and gave me a speech that caused me to wake up in tears.

I wish he was with me in real life and brought me to his arms and kissed my forehead. I was so heartbroken after I woke up and for what? 😭

ps. I hope you have a good day, Mari. I love your works and the effort you put to make them. you're literally my favorite person on this planet <3

Marcus Pike x f!reader

A/N: Omg I love your dream even if it's sad, it's still a great dream baby because I love dreaming of Pedro boys, in fact, I dreamed of Dave last night that I was pretending I was gonna kill myself because he was with Carol and his girls and then this afternoon I took a nap and dreamed I was BEGGING Joel to fuck me and he ignored me lmaof

• the hardest part of being close to Marcus was not loving him, in fact, for you, it wasn't just the hardest part, it was impossible

• but it wasn't really your fault, not when marcus in addition to being around, he was just the whole package: he was handsome, successful, kind, intelligent and the worst part was that he seemed not to be able to see that, one failure marriage wasn't a declaration of being a bad partner but somehow Marcus couldn't understand that

• he just fell in love hard and fast and very often with the wrong woman, because even if you didn't want to come off as obsessive and jealous, you could feel they wouldn't be able to love and treat him the way you did

• so it wasn't that surprising when he came to you looking so excited and happy to know he'd met another agent called Teresa and they seemed to really hit off; they'd been out for pancakes and on a couple of dates too and you felt your heart sink

• Marcus went out and found someone else, someone who wasn't you, and yet he was still the sweetest and most loving friend you'd ever had

• your opinion, companionship and presence were so important to him, so of course he would introduce you to Teresa and even if you were hurt and upset, you went there with an open heart, wanting to at least get along with the woman who was with the man who mattered the most to you

• but of course the antipathy between the two of you was immediate and there was nothing that could change that; you and Teresa managed to be civil and polite around Marcus, but she stared at you with the same despise as you watched her, she felt uncomfortable with your presence as much as you felt it with hers and so on

• what bothered you the most was how indifferent she seemed to be, it was always as if she wasn't really there or wasn't really paying attention to what Marcus said; overall, it was always as if Marcus was way more into her than she was into him and it bothered you, because you knew he was bound to get hurt

• when you found out about his promotion, you felt you could explode into a million pieces out of excitement and pride in him, he'd worked so hard for it, he deserved every single acknowledgement he got, but at the same time you were happy for him, it pained you to know he'd asked her to go with him and not only that, he proposed to her as well

• it hurt you to see how she hesitated every time he mentioned moving to DC or getting married at all, because you would've said yes to him in a heartbeat, you would've dropped everything in order to go with him, because unlike her, you loved and cared for Marcus

• everytime you saw him, it was a reminder of how Marcus would move on without you, he didn't love you the same way you did but you still decided to stay and help him with all the details; you helped him pack his bags, you helped him pick an apartment, always daydreaming about a life that wouldn't be yours after all

• and even if Teresa wasn't so sure about her future with Marcus, it bothered her you were around all the time, it bothered her how you looked at him with heart eyes and perhaps it bothered her that you could see right through her hesitation and lack of passion, so she had enough, thinking it was about time she put a stop on it

• when she got to Marcus' place to have dinner with him but found you instead, she frowned annoyed

"what the hell are you doing here?!"

"I came to help Marcus finish his bags just like he asked me to... He asked me to keep his base until he settled in DC and I could send it over"

"you don't get, do you?! I am Marcus' girlfriend, in fact, I'm his fiancee, not you! Why can't you see that? Why do you pretend you don't see he doesn't love you? He doesn't care about you the way you want! Marcus loves me! I'm gonna marry him, be his wife and maybe we will even have a family. Quit living this childish dream of thinking he is your prince charming, if he wanted you, you would be together by now!"

"Teresa?!"

• Marcus' voice interrupted her speech, and you watched at the two of them in horror to realize he had just stepped in in time to hear everything Teresa had said, you didn't have words to argue back, it killed you to know that there was a large chance she was right

• you swallowed hard and tried not letting them see the tears flooding in your eyes, but it was too late. Even if Marcus called your name and tried going after you, you couldn't stay and face him, you felt so embarrassed at that moment

• Teresa prevented Marcus from going after you, she was glad that at least now you would leave them alone and Marcus just hoped he had made the right choice by not going after you

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#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal headcanon #pedro pascal headcanons #marcus pike #marcus pike x reader #marcus pike x you #marcus pike x y/n #marcus pike fanfiction #marcus pike fanfic #marcus pike headcanon #marcus pike headcanons

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drowningyoursorrow · 10 months

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WALLFLOWER

kyle spencer x gn! reader (pt, 2)

You were a barista that worked at a coffee shop in a more secluded area, with only a selective few of customers. You often remained in the back, but ever since you started serving a group regularly. They called themselves witches, and you somewhat believed them. Typically, being away from the world, leading to unwanted loneliness in your work place. You've caught the eye of a certain dead blonde.

!!!: mild violence, yelling W/C: 1.5k

There was a loud ding at the door as a group of people strode up-front to order, they were your usual. You were more comfortable taking this particular group's order, generally because they didn't really pay attention to you. And they had a certain aura of confidence circulating around them that made it more relaxing for you. Scanning them, you spotted a new face. Usually there was 5 of them, you've caught on their names now.

The usual were Zoe, Madison, Queenie, Nan, and Misty. Although they were always together, they fought, a lot. You've grown accustomed to the bickering that would fill up the empty café, it made it more lively in a way. Quickly, you shifted your attention back to the boy only for a glimpse as you put in their orders, he was tall to say the least. His face was adorned with unruly blonde hair that swayed loosely on his head.

He appeared exhausted and somewhat distant as he stood behind the group, exhibiting a sense of discomfort. The girls exchanged a look before they shoved the dude up-front to take his own order. Zoe whispering words of encouragement to him, which only made you grow confused, but you waited nevertheless. You and his sort of just had a stare down as it looked like he was trying to form the words to say what he needed. You exchanged a glance with Zoe, but she only looked at you as if she wanted you to wait for him.

Furthermore, you understood and just shifted your gaze back at him with a small smile to possibly ease his nerves. It looked like it worked at least a little because he relaxed and returned the smile more sheepishly. Eventually he spoke up in a sort of soft but rough voice, “I- IIII.....Cara..- Caramel? Coffeeeee.” He slurred the last part, but you still required him to be more specific, but before you could speak. Zoe whispered softly to him as she pointed at the menu, “Kyle, you have to choose the size and what kind of caramel coffee you want. You have to be more specific.”

She gave you an apologetic smile as he started once more, “Ca-...Caramel Moooch? Mochi...- Med- ium.” You only smiled more at his wording, but how he seemed to be genuinely trying his best. It made your chest feel warmer, for some reason. “Alright, so medium caramel macchiato it is, for?” “Kyle.” You nodded, amused at the fact that he stated his name so confidently in response, you bit your cheek, but your grin remained.

Kyle's gaze was basically piercing through you as you finished putting in all of their orders and taking the payment. Zoe finished up, smiling at you, “Thank you for not getting upset or anything.” “Oh, of course, yeah! It's always great to practice with this stuff in case you forget or something?” She laughed at the response and ushered Kyle to the table everybody else was sitting at. Acknowledging that there were no other customers, you went in the back to help make their drinks.

Since the place is always dead, your manager only puts two of you on the job, which you can't argue with because it's understandable. Noticing that the drinks were all being prepared already and your coworker shooing you off to go stay up-front. You and them sort of had this deal that you just work up-front and serve while they make everything. It was easier for you so you agreed, but god, sometimes you'd wish they'd let you help it was incredibly boring just standing and doing nothing all day. You leaned against the counter as you scrolled through your phone, but you felt that unwavering gaze on you once more.

Slowly you lifted your head to the corner of the caf￩, the group were bickering once more, but the culprit remained quiet. He was basically squished in-between Madison and Zoe, but he was still out of place. He looked as if he was trying to discreetly stare at you or something, which only made this amusing to you. You weren't creeped out by his unwavering stare, although it would make more sense, instead it only made you internally laugh. You pretended you just didn't catch him and just went back on your phone as you shifted to where your back would be facing him.

As you did, a grunt came from his area, and eventually you heard slamming then hushed yelling. You peeked over your shoulder a bit, confused, you saw Kyle tugging at his hair as Zoe was trying to soothe him. Madison looked absolutely put up with it, and everybody else was continued on like it was a daily occurrence. You could pick out this from Madison, “Kyle, this is why we don't fucking take you anywhere, did a fly set you off? Huh? Nothing was even happening! Why are you freaking out, Frankenstein?” You turned back around, caught off guard, but it isn't your place to judge, so you just went back on your phone.

There was another slam and slightly wailing which caused your eyebrows to furrow, and you fully turned around. Because this was now concerning, and you are an unbelievably nosey person. Kyle's fingers were still ripping at his hair, but eventually stopped as he stared at you once more, relaxing. The group turned to you as if you were the holy grail. Honestly, you were confused yourself, and it must've shown because the group looked at each other giving certain looks.

But Kyle's attention remained on you as you eyed him suspiciously because his actions and reactions baffled you. Madison blurted at you, “Hey! Wreck! Turn around again!” You furrowed your brows because what the hell, you're serving her and she's insulting you. You could spit in her drink, does she realize that? But she kind of was intimidating, so you did as you were told and there it was again.

The frustrated whining and slamming from the blonde erupted once again, so you turned back around again. It was like playing peek-a-boo with a baby, he's okay but as long as your face isn't visible he started throwing a tantrum. And you didn't find that weird in the slightest, instead you were intrigued and gave Kyle a light smile as the group turned into whispers. Before anything else could happen, there was a ding, meaning that their drinks were done. So quickly, you went and grabbed what they wanted, not staying long enough to hear the groaning.

You hurriedly walked to them and set down what was necessary as you handed Kyle his drink, holding it in front of him. He eyed you before shakily taking it from your grasp, his hand encasing around the whole thing, briefly swallowing your own hand whole. His touch was cold, but it still sent sparks through your body, as if you got shocked directly. You tugged your hand away as you believed he had a good enough hold on it, in which he gave you a pleading look. You looked at the group with a confused look as they studied you and nervously sped walk away from their view and hid in the back.

Kyle must've been still stunned from the shock as well because he only stared ahead, his drink sat down beside him. He was rubbing the palm that grazed yours as Zoe and Madison spoke in his ear about something. Before you could go back out to apologize, everyone was getting up, Madison dragging Kyle with her as he tried to remain. You were peeking from the doorway, afraid to be confronted and possibly blamed for whatever was going on. Zoe went to help Madison, whispering something in his ear, which caused him to be more compliant and follow her.

As all their backs were turned from the front, you hastily made your way back out and studied what was going on. Everyone was arguing once more, Zoe and Madison were basically clashing, you've never seen two people be so close yet be incredible enemies. As everyone was heading out the door, you could see the blonde turn his head to check if you returned in, which you did. You and his made brief eye contact that felt as if it made you two connected in a way, which was weird because you just met this guy. He opened his lips to speak as he tried to plant his feet again, but before he could, the door was slammed behind him as he was dragged out.

You and him stared at each other through the front window, not knowing what to do, you just kind of awkwardly waved. You've never seen anybody ever light up so quickly and so much because he was beaming at you. Reciprocating your action as smiles laced both of your lips as he was dragged out of view. Still processing what happened you just stared ahead, this all felt unreal and strange to say the least. Only if you knew what Zoe had whispered to ease his nerves as he was being tugged away from you.

Maybe she was promising he'd see you again.

..............................................................................................................................

- Might make more parts, this was cheesy to make but sweet - This was not proofread in any shape or form - I love coffee - The fact I work at a ice cream shop instead of a barista is insane

Hope you enjoyed and if you have any requests or questions please dm!

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spacelazarwolf · 9 months

Note

I really hate how often neo ra/df/ems will go on and on about how trans fem's transitions are waaaaaay more difficult and they're waaaaaay less likely to pass, but if a trans masc dared to make any similar comparisons, they'd be fucking crucified.

There are a lot of feelings I have around sex-based discrimination and the difficulties of a masculinizing transition. On one hand, I don't think comparing struggles like that is useful (i.e. trans women have harder transitions).

On the other hand, I feel like the reality of the situation is actually quite the opposite for many people (everyone acknowledges that testosterone makes your voice drop and you grow hair, but nobody seems to want to acknowledge hysterectomy vs orchi, voice training is still often needed, electrolysis for phallo, the fact that bottom surgery is usually multi-staged [even metoidioplasty is sometimes 2 stages] with a lot of moving parts and far worse scarring, top surgery is almost a necessity for passing whereas not every trans fem wants top surgery + scars are easier to hide, face masculinization is far less common w/ fewer options, puberty begins earlier in perisex people AFAB and puberty blockers don't always allow for full height to be achieved bc they don't typically allow you to start testosterone until you're about 15 even IF you were a "classic" trans-since-3-years-old kinda case, the extreme body horror that is accidental pregnancy and abortion and menstruation when that's dysphoric vs not being able to carry a pregnancy just feels like an insulting comparison sometimes and I've had multiple trans women call me inconsiderate for expressing horror at getting my bodily rights taken away bc "that triggers my dysphoria", testosterone is a scheduled substance and has more difficult administration methods than simply a pill, etc.)

And so I bite my tongue and try to be the better person, because stooping to that low doesn't help anything. But at the same time it's so extremely frustrating to be told that you "have it better" when, considering the facts, it REALLY feels like the opposite. There's this level of bitterness around that that I am DESPERATELY trying to resolve within myself. I have a therapist. I know it's projection. I'm working on my own bullshit. But please tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way? I just wish they'd stop with that rhetoric and realize just how difficult the average trans masc transition truly is

yeah it's really frustrating for ppl to present Trans Women's Experiences and Trans Men's Experiences as diametrically opposed, with one experience being Eternal Pain And Inescapable Suffering and the other being Barely A Blip On The Life Radar. and while i understand it's coming from a place of pain, i've also experienced a lot of trans women shutting me down when i try to talk about how abortion rights affect me. back when i was first dipping my toe into trans spaces, i was friends with a trans woman who told me it was transmisogynistic of me to want to transition because "trans women would kill to have been born in your body." and while it absolutely comes from a different place than when cis men try to assert control over me and there's not the same power dynamic, it's still a complete stranger feeling entitled to tell me what to do with my body because of the sex i was assigned at birth. it's frustrating to have people i'm supposed to be in community with play into the same sexist bullshit that other people, regardless of gender, have been holding over my head my whole life, feeling like they own my body bc women and ppl who are forcibly assigned the role of women in society are seen as public property. our bodies aren't our own. everyone feels entitled to comment on them and touch them and make decisions about them. and it sucks when it comes from other people who should understand how that feels.

and like. obviously this idea that trans men's transition is so much easier than trans women's is unhelpful bc 1. there is no one particular way for trans men to transition, 2. not everyone who transitions in the way typically associated with trans men is a trans man, 3. it doesn't take into account how disability, race, ethnicity, etc. play into people's experiences before, during, and after transition, and 4. it's just not a fucking competition????? the fact that a disabled black trans man is going to be more systemically oppressed in society than a wealthy white trans woman doesn't mean trans men as a category are Objectively More Oppressed than trans women. bc gender is like. the worst possible way to try to gauge a group's place within the system. bc at this point, gender is not the most powerful system, race is. and i feel like a fuck ton of people really do not recognize that.

another thing that has bugged me for as long as i've been in trans spaces is this bizarre attitude that trans women are doomed to this miserable life of clockability and will never be able to pass as cis women thus they must accept that their life will be nothing but pain and suffering. and that's just very much not true! i know plenty of trans women who "pass" or who are happy with their bodies, who have jobs they love and friends and family who love them, who have a community that supports and celebrates them. and it has just always rubbed me the wrong way that people think they're helping trans women by presenting their existence as Inevitably Miserable when all it does is terrify closeted trans girls who think they're better off never coming out or transitioning, or better off dying. like. we have to understand that these narratives we create, the idea of the perpetually suffering trans woman and the lonely isolated trans man, are absolutely driving people to suicidal ideation. and if we give a shit about trans people, we should be changing these narratives.

#ask avishai #atm

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echo-rambles · 7 months

Text

love don't know how to rest

words: 2,679 summary: a quick phone call with your boyfriend chan turns into a mini vent session. tags: swearing, established relationship, long distance relationship, minor argument, fluff, making up note: this started off as me clowning on chan's new hair because as much as I love him I was not a fan of it when I initially saw it. somehow it turned into a weird little vent thing about missing someone and wishing they'd take better care of themselves. (title from how to rest by the crane wives)

-o0o-

“Hey baby.” You immediately greet, answering your phone and then propping it up so your hands are free.

Chan's face takes up the majority of the screen, and you get a close up of his forehead before he also seems to settle his phone somewhere. He hums in acknowledgment.

You know for a fact he’s not trying to be rude, so you don’t worry too much about his non-greeting. Quickly looking at the time and doing the math, you speak up again. “Good morning. Have you just woken up?” It would be about 8am in Korea right now.

“Hi- sorry I meant to say hi when you did.” It’s ok, you mumble, moving about the kitchen as you continue to make yourself dinner. Chan had messaged you only a few minutes ago, asking if you were busy and if he could call through. It wasn’t a very complicated dinner, mostly just heating up leftovers on the stove, so of course you told him to call. “I’ve been up since… six? Five maybe.”

“Chan.” You chastise gently. Sending him a little look from your spot at the stove. He ducks his head, already giving you one of his smiles that spell an apology.

“I know. I just- my brain hasn’t been able to shut off. I’m making the most of it until I end up crashing in the middle of the day.”

“Light schedule?” You ask, already assuming the answer since otherwise he wouldn’t be able to so readily nap mid day. Chan makes a little agreeable noise. “That's good. And hey, if you don’t sleep at some point I can always ask Seungmin to smother you until you pass out. Forced nap time.”

“That’s so fucked up.” But it gets him to chuckle, and that’s really what matters. “He’d do it too.”

“Of course he would; I asked. Hey, nice hat by the way.” You lean close to your phone, squinting at the beanie he’s wearing.

It makes Chan groan and push the beanie over his eyes for a brief second. “I'm trying to hide my hair, since someone hates it.”

“I never said I hate it!”

“…you said it reminded you of straw.”

Ok, so maybe you absolutely said something like that when you first saw his hair. It sort of just tumbled out of your mouth. “Because they bleached it all wrong! They killed your hair, Christopher. I was shocked, and distraught.”

Chan shifts his beanie around, laying his hand flat on his head but never once taking it off. “I thought it would’ve come out better. I’ve been wanting to dye it-”

“I know, baby.” The teasing slips away from your tone, replaced by something more gentle and understanding. “But you gotta let your hair heal first before you fuck with it. Maybe let it grow out and dye it dark the next time you can? And then, once it’s no longer damaged as hell, you can do something fun. Like pink?”

Chan’s nodding along to your words, clearly watching you shut off the stove and shove all of your food into a bowl. He smiles at your suggestion. “One day you’ll get your pink hair dreams.”

“We can match! It'd be so much fun. I think the world needs Pink Chan more than ever, really.”

He hums instead of playing into the banter, hand still on his head, and you know that no matter how much you apologize for your initial reaction or how many jokes you make, the thought that he did something you don’t like is going to eat him up. Sighing, you bring the phone close to your face.

“I think you look gorgeous no matter what, you know that right? I’ll tell you every single day until you believe me. Even with straw hair.” You lower your voice, trying to sound as solemn and as serious as you can. “Even if you were bald.”

“Bald?” His face goes all scrunched as he laughs, tipping his head out of frame and pressing a hand over his eyes.

“Yeah. Shave it all off. Start from scratch.” You bring the phone and your bowl over to the couch, settling in. “I’m sure there’d be girls who would go crazy for the shaved look.”

“Should I be worried that you’re making sure I look good for other girls?”

“Hey, listen, this is your job, and part of my job as the world's greatest girlfriend is to make sure you’re marketable to your audience.”

He’s still smiling, all big and soft and it loosens the knot of guilt in your chest.

After a few minutes of the both of you falling silent, you eating and Chan just watching you, you finally speak up again. “I’m sorry for saying that stuff about your hair. I didn’t mean to sound so… mean.”

“I know. I appreciate the apology though.”

“I just worry. Which is a shit excuse but- I don’t want them ruining your hair. I need you to take care of yourself, because I’m not there to do it!”

“I know-”

“You take care of the boys and I take care of you because you refuse to let them do it; that’s always been the deal, but I’m not there so now no one is taking care of you-”

“Love,” he cuts you off. Voice firm and commanding. “It’s just hair.” It’s your turn to mumble out an I know. “It’ll grow back. It can be fixed. I’m ok.”

“I just wish I was there.”

The silence creeps in again, and your food is growing cold. Every day you miss him, and the feeling just continues to grow and grow and you’re so afraid that it’ll get so big that soon you won’t have room for anything else. You need him to be ok, because if he’s not then… you’re not really sure what you’d do.

“We take care of each other, yeah?” Chan says, making you snap your attention back to your screen. He must have pulled his phone closer to his face, and if this were any other moment you’d take the opportunity to snap a picture of the angle he chose, but since you feel all cold and serious in the pit of your stomach you instead just nod at his words.

“Yeah-”

“I don’t want you to ever feel like this is a one way street. It’s not your job to take care of me.”

“I definitely don’t get paid enough for it to be a job.” The pit isn’t too cold or serious for you to deny yourself mumbling out a little quip.

“We choose to look out for each other, yeah? I take care of you too. Don’t forget that.” Your little comment makes him smile. Just a tick of his mouth, but his whole face softens and you wish you could touch him right now.

You want to be in his arms. Face pressed to his neck, where you can feel his pulse against the highest point of your cheek and his hands spread across your back and anchoring you. Long distance sucks ass.

“I won’t. But sometimes-” You stop yourself, chew at your bottom lip and aggressively spear your food with your fork. “I worry that you’re so busy taking care of everyone else that sometimes you forget about yourself.”

“I’m guessing this has gone way beyond your feelings about my hair.” Chan tries to joke, but there’s still that underlying tone of his. The special one that only he can really get. It works it’s way under your skin.

For a brief moment you think about leaving it there. Changing the subject. This was meant to be a relaxing phone call during a moment Chan had to breathe. He has a break and he chose to call you and all of a sudden you're just sort of dumping out all of these thoughts onto him over room temperature leftovers.

But then you remind yourself that this is Chan. He’ll know if you’re trying to bottle something away. He always does. You joke that you know him, that he’s like an open book to you. This isn’t a one way street. He knows you just as well.

Fuck it. Rip the band-aid off.

“You look stressed. Overworked. Like you haven’t been sleeping.”

“Oh wow, ok. Straight to the point.”

“The only reason I know you’ve been eating is because Lino and Bin would probably force feed you before you ever went hungry. You just look exhausted and I know this is your job- I know you signed up for this. But it still breaks my heart sometimes when I can see you starting to strain under the pressure.”

“I’m- I’m doing fine. It’s hard, yeah, but-”

“It’s worth it.” You finish his sentence, already knowing what he’s going to say because he always says the same thing. “I know. Why do you think it kills me that I can’t fucking be there? Because you work yourself to the bone and there’s no one around that’s willing to pull you away and force you to actually take care of yourself. The boys- I know they try, but they still see you as their leader. As their big brother. The things I do, the way I argue with you? No way they’d be willing to go that far. And I’m not trying to paint myself as this ultra special person but- jesus Chris, you can’t tell me that if, I don’t know; Felix tried to speak to you the way I do, you wouldn’t get upset.”

Chan doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are big and liquid and he’s listening to every single word out of your mouth. When you say his name, directly ask him a question, he’s blinking. Thinking about it. “No, you’re right.”

Finally, you place your bowl on the coffee table, feeling like you need to get up and move or else you’ll probably start crying or something equally as embarrassing. God, it’s like all of these pent up emotions have just decided to spill out. Things you didn’t even realize you were upset about until now.

“Your hair honestly means nothing in the grand scheme of things. It’s hair, like you said. But it was something for me to tease you about- something small that I was upset about that I could actually comment on, when really all I’ve wanted to do these last few weeks is scream at you to slow the fuck down. No- I know what you’re going to say and I’m not talking about the company schedules. That’s your job. I’m talking about all of the extra hours I know you’re pulling because nothing feels perfect enough. All of those hours where you’re meant to be relaxing but instead you just work more because you feel like if you stop you’ll stagnate.”

Leaning away from his phone, Chan takes a deep breath. Puffs out his cheeks for a moment before releasing it all and then dragging both hands over his face. The beanie gets dislodged, and you see a shock of pastel yelloworange. It’s not even that bad. It looks cute on him. But it felt like some weird shock to your system when he showed it to you and you could tell he was unhappy with it.

“What do you want me to say? It seems like you’ve covered all of the bases.”

“I want-” You huff in frustration. “I don’t want you to say what you think I want to hear, ok? Never. We don’t do that to each other. I just want-” Again, you cut yourself off, not actually sure what you want. Not sure what the entire fucking point of this little rant has been.

You take your built up tension and you make good use of it. Bringing your bowl to the kitchen and beginning to clean up the dishes while you listen to the way Chan sighs into the silence. There really isn’t anything for him to say.

You can hear the way he tries to start a sentence at least twice, and you know that he’s frustrated that he can’t fix whatever this is. But there’s nothing to fix because nothing’s broken. You’re just kind of at the end of your rope and you just want your boyfriend close. Shutting off the sink and picking up your phone, you try to give him something close to a reassuring smile.

“Listen, I think I figured out what I want.” He looks at you, jaw working and eyes shining and you want to take his face in your hands and kiss him stupid. But you can’t have that, not right now. So you’ll have to settle with second best. “We take care of each other, yeah, absolutely, but that means you have to take care of yourself when I’m not around to do it. Because I’m thousands of miles away. I know it’s a big ask but can you please do that… for me?”

“Yeah… yeah, I can do that. I’m sorry I made you worry.”

“Baby, I don’t need an apology. I just want you to be healthy.” You’re quiet for a beat, watching the way his eyes flick down and away from his phone before skipping back to you. “And also for your hair to look different.”

“Wow.” It gets him to laugh. It feels like a small victory.

“I’m nothing if not consistent. And hey, I’m sorry too. For just- whatever that was. It was unfair to unload it all when you’re probably minutes away from being busy again.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. Like, I do get why you’re sorry but I’ll always choose to listen to your problems. Especially if they include me, that way we can figure out how to fix it.” His soft smile is back, crinkling his eyes and making your lungs weak.

Humming, you finally finish putting all of the dishes away. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“I love you the most.”

“I’m pretty sure I loved you before I knew you.” Chan says, smile stretching wider as he tilts his head like an adorable fucking puppy.

You smile back, and it feels like sugar fills your mouth. “Ooh, that’s a good one.”

It’s the same little game you always play after any sort of tense conversation. Trying to one up the other and having to concede when they say something that legitimately makes you melt. It’s a reminder that things are hard but you get through it.

Hoisting yourself up onto the kitchen counter, you sigh. It’s a little dramatic, infusing just enough theatrics to keep the levity of the conversation. “Sometimes it really sucks that we both believe in healthy communication. I wish we were the type of couple to ignore things until the feeling goes away but really it just festers until we can’t take it anymore.”

“I know, right. We’re just too good at being a couple. It’s kind of boring actually.”

“That’s what I’m saying! You should tell me to shut the fuck up more often and I’ll… I don’t know, accuse you of cheating?”

“With who?”

“Lino?”

“Wow. Shut the fuck up!” He manages to say, between his breathless laughter.

“Yeah! See, you’re getting the hang of it already.”

Things might not be solved, like at all, but you feel a little lighter. You spend the next ten minutes joking with Chan, and things feel like they settle back to normal. You’ll probably have to have this conversation again, with less tension and frustration. But that’s for later. When he doesn’t look so tired and has a block of free time to actually talk about it in depth.

You’re going to see him, soon. You hold on to that knowledge as tightly as you can. You’ll be there, with him, able to touch him and kiss him and tell him that all you want is for him to be happy. Maybe you can have this conversation again, in person. Where you can hold hands and crawl into his lap. Soon.

#stray kids #skz #bang chan x reader #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #echo writes #this is incredibly self indulgent #also i make some assumptions on how chan feels/how things work #anyway here's more self insert fic from me #because chan has bewitched me and caused me to write self insert for the first time ever

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queer-overwatch · 18 days

Note

hihi! loveee this blog god bless both of you i'm tweaking waiting for venture to come out 😭😭 might be a bit odd but if it's something either of you feel comfortable writing about, could i request them with an audhd masc reader who's really struggling with executive dysfunction? like they're struggling to do anything and feeling really down and ashamed about it (⁠me rn T~T) thanks!!

Venture w/ Audhd!Reader!

It's not odd at all! We both get the same way fjsofndk, have some hurt/comfort for ya <3 -Frisk & Xorn

══════ஜ▲ஜ══════

(Good lord we need more Venture gifs-)

══════ஜ▲ஜ══════

This was stupid, you were stupid, having a job was stupid- everything was stupid!

It's so easy, all you have to do is just get up, grab a pencil, and write a few words! It's quite literally the easiest assignment you've ever gotten from the Wayfinders! Ever!

Yet for some stupid, unknown reason you just- couldn't. No matter how much you yelled at yourself or cried, feeling useless, you couldn't get up. It was pathetic, sad, pitiful, everything you didn't want to be and yet, were.

You were sure your partner would be able to do this, anyone would be able to do this, so why couldn't you!? Groaning, you desperately wish to push yourself up and out of bed, yet make no movement to do so.

Stuck in your own head, you don't notice Venture knocking on your door, or stepping into your room after a few minutes of waiting. You only acknowledge them after they scare the shit out of you by grabbing your shoulder.

"What the fuck-!" You're finally able to move, even if it wasn't thanks to the best circumstances-

"Sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" They laugh slightly, cheeks a bit darker than usual as they bend their knees slightly so they're eye level with you as you sit up in bed.

They slowly look you over, drawing their own conclusions as to how you're feeling and gently pushing you so you're on one side of the bed before grabbing something from the desk on the other side of your room and snuggling up next to you.

"So I'm gonna take just a wild, crazy guess here and say you haven't done any work today?" They hold out what they'd grabbed, apparently it was your assignment from the Wayfinders. Just seeing the paper sucks any energy you had left out of you as you groan.

They laugh pitifully at your misery, patting you on the back and setting the paper down on your lap. "I'll be honest, I haven't gotten a whole lot done today either. I'm a bit of a slacker myself from time to time!"

Venture throws an arm around your shoulders pulling you into their side softly as they nuzzle your cheek teasingly. "Buuut I've still gotten more done than you, so I'm on a winning streak technically! Though I guess I could be the best partner ever, which I already am, and help you out a bit."

Of course they'd turn it into a challenge, if there was one thing Venture adored, it was winning something. You could imagine their smug look already, as adorable as it was, you simply couldn't hand it to them that easily. Plus..the paper was already there, maybe you could just do a little, just so you would have it out of the way faster.

As you take the assignment from Ventures lap, you slowly start to write a few words, finally getting something done as Venture talks your ear off about how awesome they were.

About halfway through, it hits you that this was their attempt at helping, at getting you motivated. It was always easier to do things when they were around, and they knew it.

They still ended up with a stupid, adorable, smug smile on their face at the end of the day.

Hiii here are some headcannons to add on <3 -Xor

First of all it just sucks , wanting to do things but not being able to will yourself to do them is actually just awful.

Venture makes it a point just to generally check in on you and make sure you're feeling okay overall.

They then immediately delve into "how can I help you?" Asking you what you want or need to do but just can't seem to.

If it's something personal then they'll leave it to you unless you want their help. However if it's not then they ask you how you would perform the task and try to help you out with it.

The whole time they're really understanding and encourage you, not to do things but so you don't feel horrible about not doing them.

They try to find ways to interweave things you really enjoy doing along with said tasks , trying to help the tasks seem bearable in a way.

And if you simply can't, then it's a good time to relax and work out a half plan, for anything that needs to be done and try to do it layer.

They aren't going to push you to do anything just gentle yet loud encouragement and a couple nudges in the right direction.

#venture x reader #sloane cameron #venture #overwatch venture #overwatch x reader #masc reader #Xornk

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emobiitch13 · 23 days

Text

becoming a communal cumdump🥰

I was 16/17,ex was 17, everyone else 16-22

I always hung out with my bf at the time and all his friends. I knew some before, but never really spent time with them till I started dating my ex. His friends were always messaging and texting me and trying to get me to cheat on him, but I never did. Even tho he cheated on me multiple times and I knew. They'd always make lewd comments about me, in front of me and never really acknowledge me as a person. My ex would also share my nudes with them and they'd all call me names. Infront of me, behind my back, to people I didn't even know, to my other friends. I asked then to stop so many times but obviously they didn't care. They would also randomly grope me when ever my ex wasn't looking or left the room. I'd tell him what his friends were doing to me and he always just said that I was lying and they'd never do something like that. Whenever we all hung out they all encouraged me to keep drinking and smoking, more amd more. There's a few times I blacked out and I can only imagine what happened to me. My ex would also grope me and finger me in front of them cuz he wanted to show off how I good I was for him. My protests didn't matter. After we broke up all his friends still messaged me, most asked how I was doing and why we broke up, they didn't really care tho, I was naive. They'd ask me to hang out one on one to comfort me and it always somehow ended with thier cocks inside of me. I'd tell them how much bigger and better they all were than my ex. A couple days later another would hit me up and the cycle would just continue, till all 11 of thier cocks had been in my holes. Some multiple times even. Turns out they all had a group chat and were betting on fast everyone could get between my legs. In less than a month I had let myself become all of thiers cumdump. I fell into a deep depression after the breakup even tho the relationship was awful and I just wanted to feel something again and feel like someone wanted me. They didn't want me, they wanted my holes and tits. I wanted to drink and do drugs and feel something so I guess in the end we all got what we wanted. My ex then found out that I had been being passed around and he was pissed and cut them all off, they continued to invite me over. Thinking back, I kinda almost maybe wish once I made it through everyone, they would've thrown a party and gandbanged me. All they had to do was text me, pretend to care that I was sad, invite me over, offer me alcohol/weed/molly/whatever they had and let me cry on thier shoulder. Then suddenly thoer hands were all over my body and kissing my neck and I was asking them to just fuck me and make me forget all about my ex.

#me

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nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx · 27 days

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Helpless part 36, sorry for the wait, here is a long chapter as payment

Nico woke up after three hours with a splitting headache, he felt nauseous, where even was he? He spotted the blonde boy sitting on the chair next to him reading a book, he was surprised that he wasn't off with ten other patients by this point. "You okay Neeks?" Will said putting his book down and walking over.

"I've got a headache."

"Nauseous to?"

"How'd you know?"

"It's normal, I'll go get you some water." Will walked out returning with a glass and handing it to the Hades kid, he started taking small sips from it, letting the cool water run down his throat, when even was the last time he drank water? "Would you be open to talking to someone? I know you don't like opening up to people but it could help."

"Are... are you forcing me to?" Nico asked so softly Will could barely hear him, he sat down next to the whispering boy.

"'Course not Neeks, we just want you to get help."

"Please don't make me talk to people." He whispered back, curling up.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to." Nico mentally laughed at the irony of Will telling him that when he was being kept in the infirmary which he really didn't want to do. The son of Apollo grabbed the small boy's hand and started rubbing the back of it in circles, "You could try a journal? I've heard that helps."

"Maybe... can we leave this for now?"

"Sure, anything in particular you want to talk about?"

"Can we finish our game of twenty questions?"

"Okay."

"Who's your favorite siblings?"

"Don't you dare tell any of them but Kayla, Austin will kill me if he finds out." Will laughed, "Least favorite of the seven?"

"Valdez, he's annoying as fuck also I fucked him that one time so it just makes everything awkward."

"Wait what?!"

"We were both bored and drunk, we never talk about that day. Anyways, have you ever dyed your hair?" He decided to let Will come to his own conclusions on that one, especially because Leo was too drunk to actually remember it, or he was just a very good actor. He remembered that night, it was the anniversary of when Bianca had died, while he last memories with her weren't the best he still loved her. He still wished he'd died instead of her. He was drinking himself numb, standing outside on the deck in the darkness when Leo walked, well walked was being generous, stumbled down the stairs, so drunk he could barely stay up right. He remembers thinking 'well might as well do it, haven't got anything to loose.' He remembers grabbing his shirt and smashing his lips against his.

"Why are you so drunk Valdez?" He muttered into his ear, trailing up kisses

"None ya business Shadow boy."

"Fine." He pulled away,

"Hey!"

"No sympathy sex if you don't tell me."

"My mom died today."

"I'm sorry."

"Di Angelo I seem to realise you are also drunk, would you care to explain why?" His words were practically just slurs, fuck it, he thought, they'd both just never acknowledge it again.

"My sister died today."

"What? But Hazel-"

"My other sister, Bianca, died when I was ten."

"I'm sorry."

"Can we just fuck senseless I can't take processing this anymore."

"Fine by me." And then that was it, they never spoke of it again and went back to hating each other, honestly it was a disaster that they we're probably never going to unpack.

"Nope, I was going to dye it brown again when I saw my mum but then she didn't talk to me for years so never really did that."

"That is messed up but in a desperate attempt to keep this light hearted we will unpack that later. Now, I will be kidnapping you and dying your hair every colour imaginable."

"Can I ask why?"

"You're blonde, what else would I do?"

"Umm... okay then, have you ever watched Star Wars?"

"Nope."

"What! How? I'm putting Kay or Aussi on tomorrow night and we are binging all of Star Wars together."

"Please no."

"Too late Angel boy." Nico sighed in defeat, shaking his head but accepting his fate.

"Why didn't you tell me you could speak Italian?"

"I didn't know, I mean the song I learnt a while ago but actually speaking it's like how Aphrodite kids can speak French because it's the language of love, Italian's the language of music."

"That makes a lot of sense."

"Speaking of Italy, do you miss it?"

"Yeah, but when I went back there with Jason on the Argo II I didn't really feel anything, everything there changed so much, it barely feels like home now. What's something no one or only one person knows about you?" Will could tell him so many different things, he had so many secrets but was it safe to share them? He could do the easy thing and say that he glows in the dark, he could talk about his mom or the things he does at night when he's sure no one's watching him.

"I can glow in the dark." It was too soon, he'd tell him... eventually.

"YOU'RE A PORTABLE SUNSHINE!!!" Nico cringed at himself mentally but it was so easy to get lost in conversation with Will, just about fun shit, not worrying about everything all the time. I mean he'd had his fair share of hard conversations and lectures from the blonde boy but it was still so easy to relax around him. That wasn't good, he couldn't let his guard down, especially after those kisses. He said he loved him, he kissed him after the first one, he didn't pull away but that didn't mean anything. He would leave after realising that he was worthless and didn't deserve love, he wanted to let him in but his brain wouldn't let him, the only reason he'd said half the shit he had now was because of Reyna.

"Shut up Doom and Gloom." He laughed, messing up Nico's hair.

"Don't think I will, Care Bear."

"Really?"

"You love it, be honest." Fuck, he shouldn't be letting himself get this comfortable, he shouldn't be getting this relaxed with anyone. But it was living sunshine, cinnamon roll, Will Solace, he could trust him... right? Will rolled his eyes in defeat,

"...Will you be my boyfriend...?" Fuck, why did he do that? What if he- his thoughts were cut off with Nico di Angelo, son of Hades, ambassador of Pluto smashed his lips against his own, grabbing his blonde hair. He wrapped his arms around the small boy's neck, pulling him as close as he possibly could until they broke the kiss.

"I'd love that Sunshine." Here goes nothing, at least he'd be happy for a day or two, he didn't want to build hope of Will liking him for any longer than that, but at least there would be some temporary happiness. A moment of silence passed until Nico asked the next question "What's going on with your mum?"

"Well- Umm.." Will struggled to hold back tears,

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to."

"I want you to know, it's just... hard."

"Take a deep breath, it's going to be okay." Will shook before a tear fell from his eye as started to talk.

"Well until I was eight she was amazing, honestly the best parent I could wish for. But then after that she became really busy, working two jobs to pay for the album she was writing. Then when I was nine she dropped me off a my aunts, said it was for a few days, three months later I ran away. Her house... it was a nightmare, constantly called the unwanted child, yelled at for getting in trouble at school and not paying attention. And for anything that went wrong... ever and well let's just say she wasn't the nicest overall. Food once a week and if I was in trouble once every three weeks and well she hit hard. I don't think mom knew how bad she was, at least that's what I used to think, now I'm not so sure. I ran away which is when I found camp, just wandering around aimlessly until I was attacked by symphalian birds and I just ran until they couldn't find me. I was in the infirmary for two weeks, which was when I met Michael... first time someone cared about my existence in a few years. I was claimed the first campfire I went to; I wrote to mom so much those first few months... poured my fucking heart out, never got a goddamn response. Well she sent me a letter yesterday... wanted to meet up next week, don't even know how she fucking found out where I was. Didn't even bother asking the fuck had happened." Will didn't realise he was crying until Nico wiped a tear from his cheek and kissed him on the forehead,

"I'm so sorry."

"I'm going to go there next week and say every fucking word I want her to hear." He said in a broken voice, he pulled him into a hug.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Will just nodded, sinking into the smaller boy's arms, slipping his hands into Nico's.

"Why do you always wear that ring?"

"Bianca gave it to me before she left, it was my mothers; nearly got it stolen at a club a when I was twelve."

"Why were you...?"

"Addicted to more things than I would be willing to admit, easiest way to get them. Cats or dogs?" A look over uncomfort washed over his face as he quickly changed the subject; Will knew he wouldn't get any more information on what had happened, at least any time soon.

"Cats and that is objectively the correct answer, also I already asked you that."

"Firstly, I don't care. Secondly, you're wrong. Thirdly, you are a golden retriever but you like cat's!? How?? Why??"

"Cat's are just better, and anyways you are the definition of black cat but preferre dogs."

"Cat's aren't 'just better' why do you think we have three headed dogs but not three headed cats?"

"Simple, a single cat is already perfect, why add two more when you've already got perfection?"

"Shush, dogs are still better."

"Whatever you say Neeks, just know that your opinion is wrong." Will teased, patting Nico on the head, covering his hand with his mouth to stop any protests. "Who's your favorite Mean Girls character?"

"Regina, what kind of a question is that? How much longer do you think Jason and Piper are going to last?"

"What?"

"His much longer will they last? It's doomed, my bets are another week or two before one of them snaps." Will thought back to the two of them, he didn't know either of them that well but he normally never would have guessed they're together.

"Umm... I haven't really thought about it but I guess another month maybe month and a half. Favorite book?"

"Ernesto, it was impossible to find and even harder to read since it was all in bad handwriting and dyslexia didn't exactly help. Also if I was caught with it I would have to spend months in the church but I still managed to get through it." Nico remembered finding the first page somewhere on the floor and picking it up, desperately trying to find out where it was from. It took him months to find one and about a year to read that one but he remembered the plot word for word. He could remember sneaking out at dawn to read it before anyone else was up, it was like that for half a year, waking up every morning to read it and then hide it from his mum and Bianca, he didn't know how he never got caught. "Do you like being in the infirmary all the time, I swear you never take a break."

"Yeah, I like being able to help people. Also I'm the only healer so I try to not put anyone else in the Apollo cabin have to be in here too much, I mean normally it's Kay and Aussi but sometimes we have other people in here. What's your favorite season?"

"Winter, I love the rain also I hate the sun."

"Heyyy!"

"Sorry Sunshine, it's the truth, when have you ever seen me outside willingly? What's your favorite song?"

"Probably... Pretend."

"Sing it?" Nico said laying down on his lap, looking up at him.

"Tonight my self-respect went out the window

It didn't stay for long

But I figured I'd be wrong

So, don't come close

My heart is rather clueless

I don't know why I do this But just once more

Let's close the door and play pretend

More than a glance

More than a friend

I'll close the door and play with you

Is that what you want me to do I'll do what you want me to do

Hit me up

It's fine, Mil pause my healing

It's all part of our truce

Oh, the sweet smell of abuse So, please don't go

My life is going backwards

No room in it for you But this bed fits two

Let's close the door and play pretend

More than a glance

More than a friend

I'll close the door and play with you

Is that what you want me to do I'll do what you want me to do

Why do I want it too?

I should be running from you

Why do I want it?

Oh, I want it too

Let's close the door and play pretend

More than a glance

More than a friend

I'll close the door and play with you

Is that what you want me to do

I'll do what you want me to do" Nico stared into his eyes, mesmerised by the blonde boy's voice. Will smiled, planting a kiss on his forehead."If you could have one wish, what would it be?"

"I'd bring Hazel's mother back, she deserves to see her again."

"Not your own?"

"I'd rather make her happy; do you play any sports."

"I love playing soccer but there isn't really time with being in the infirmary."

"You mean football?"

"No I mean soccer...?"

"Soccer is football, the abomination of a sport you have here that you call football is rip off rugby."

"I would argue with that but I really can't, there's basically no difference between the two sports. But it's definitely soccer."

"All Americans are dumb and that is the hill I will die on, you kick the ball with your foot, that's why it's called football. Where did soccer come from?"

"I don't know but it sounds better."

"It really doesn't Solace; just ask the next question, I can't afford to lose any more brain cells."

"Rude, but what's your favorite time of day?"

"Sunset, who's your favorite out of the seven?

"Probably Annie, but I talk to Leo a lot, mainly because he's here a lot."

"Can't imagine why." Nico said speaking in fluent sarcasm,

"What's your fatal flaw?"

"Holding grudges."

"How am I not surprised? Also that was the last question."

"Good, I was starting to run out of ideas."

"Same though," Will glanced down at his watch, "Neeks, it's almost lunch time. I want you to try eating just a tiny bit, stop whenever you feel sick, but could you try?" He half nodded, dreading what would come next.

***

______

Sorry again for the wait, I got distracted

I'll be honest I was running out of questions at the end

If you're still reading comment your Hogwarts house

May the odds be ever in your favour

-Siri

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honeybrowne · 2 years

Note

Hi! I’m sorry if this is like too in depth but I have an idea for Hotch, but I’m horrible at writing 😅 I was thinking that maybe him and reader have unspoken feelings for each other and while they are out with the team, different guys buy her drinks and it makes Hotch jealous when he sees her flirting back with them. There doesn’t have to be smut because I know you only take blurb requests and this is already sort of long lol but I just really loveeeee jealous Hotch! And I think you’d write it well. I love everything you’ve put out so far 🥰

omg jealous!hotch is my fav to write <333 and thank for the kind words 🫂🤍

It took a lot to get under Hotch's skin. During his time as a prosecutor, he learned how to hide his emotions, a skill he's fine-tuned since becoming an agent.

However, it was clear to everyone at the table that he wasn't in a good mood.

From the moment you walked in, men with an embarrassing amount of confidence approached you, offering to buy you a drink. Considering your current bet with Morgan, you accepted each time, gently touching their arm and flashing a sweet smile to make them think they had a chance with you.

Even if they didn't, it drove Hotch insane to watch you openly flirt with other people, especially when he'd been harboring deep feelings for you over the last few months. Feelings he was almost certain you knew about.

In your defense, he hadn't exactly made a move.

Longing stares and brief touches would only go so far, and it was just a matter of time before you'd start looking elsewhere—Hotch knew that. But breaking professionalism to ask out one of his subordinates who he wasn't positive reciprocated his feelings kept him from doing anything he may regret.

Ironically, the only thing he was regretting was keeping his mouth shut.

The fourth man of the night stood beside you at the bar as you ordered another drink, looking much more your type than the rest. At this point, the group didn't even bother to watch the interaction unfold besides Morgan—who was two drinks away from owing you twenty bucks—and of course, Hotch.

His eyes were focused on you, watching as you leaned in closer and propped your chin up with your hand. You seemed much more interested, saying a few words he couldn't make out from this far away.

It was one thing to see you entertain men who were entirely out of your league for your benefit and a total other to watch someone sweep you off your feet. He knew it would only torture him more if he were to stick around.

Before Hotch could witness anything else, he quickly bid everyone goodnight, giving an excuse for his early departure he hoped they'd believe.

They didn't.

Unsurprisingly, you returned with two drinks in hand, and a number scrawled on your forearm. "Derek, I got you a drink I didn't pay for and one for myself... which makes six total."

Morgan shook his head. "Nuh uh, I said six of your drinks. Mine doesn't count."

"Fine," you shrugged. "I'll just drink it, then. I haven't had a martini in a while."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, you win."

You smiled victoriously as he handed you the money, tucking it into your pocket. Once you sat down, you noticed someone was missing, a frown taking over your face when you realized who.

"Hey, where's Hotch?"

"He just left," Prentiss chimed in. "I think he got butt hurt watching you flirt with that guy."

What?

It had been your suspicion that he had feelings for you, but you always assumed it was just wishful thinking and pushed the thought aside before it could develop a mind of its own. Not to mention, he was your boss, and the idea of making a fool of yourself in front of your superior sounded like the purest form of embarrassment.

"I don't think he's left yet if you want to go talk to him," Rossi hinted, and you've never run out of a building so fast in your life.

Thankfully, he was still in the parking lot, barely getting to his car. You called out to him a few times, growing frustrated when he didn't acknowledge you. As a last-ditch effort, you said his first name, noticing his hand freeze on the door handle.

Hotch took a deep breath as he turned around, his hands falling to his sides as he rubbed his thumbs over his fingers.

"Did I forget something?"

You crossed your arms. "Yeah, you didn't say bye to me."

"Oh, I'm sorry. You were a little busy."

How he struggled to meet your eyes was enough to tell you that Prentiss was right, and your suspicions were confirmed. There was no other reason he'd be so upset aside from the attention you'd been getting that wasn't from him. It was so obvious that you felt stupid and didn't realize it until now.

"Not busy enough to where you couldn't interrupt," you enlightened. "And if I upset you, I'm sorry... I didn't know..."

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "No, it isn't your fault. I just— I didn't know how to tell you."

His voice was softer than usual, almost like he was afraid it would break if he spoke any louder. This was uncomfortable for him, even if it was a relief to get his feelings out in the open. He just wasn't good at stuff like this.

When his eyes caught a glimpse of the ink on your arm, the ache in his heart returned. "It's too late, anyway."

"Wait," you pleaded. "No, it isn't."

Hotch paused and nearly melted into a puddle of delight and embarrassment when you grabbed his hand, tugging him away from the car.

"I just want to hear you say it."

"Say what?" he wondered.

You smiled, lacing your fingers with his. "That you like me."

The laugh he tried to stifle expelled from his chest, the prettiest smile you think you've ever seen tugging at his lips. "I've always liked you... just not as much as I do now."

Not knowing what to say, you pulled him in for a hug, sighing contently at the feel of his body against yours. Not that you'd ever admit it—even now—you always wondered what it would be like to feel him embrace you like this, and you realize you hadn't been very generous. It was more comforting than you imagined, his arms strong and firm around you.

"I've always liked you too," you conceded. "A lot."

His smile widened, only loosening his hold to look at you again. "Enough to let me take you to dinner?"

"More than enough," you promised. "Oh, and do you have hand sanitizer in your car? I need to get this off," you said, gesturing to the phone number on your forearm.

"No, but I'll buy you some and wipe it off myself."

#requested #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner scenario

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lonelycowgirls · 1 year

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Been There All Along

Hellooooo.

She's here and she's beautiful. Harry and Stella are complex characters because humans generally tend to be. So, keep that in mind when reading. I left my desk last night and found it hard to accept that these two people don't actually exist. Ya girl's a little too ✨invested✨ in her made-up people.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this. She's a long one, so get a nice hot drink and settle in.

Please like, reblog and follow if you enjoy it!

My asks are also open for feedback and ideas to how this universe can continue.

I give you... Part 2.

Nel xo

Where Harry goes on a lovely Sunday stroll with an old friend and things get reminiscent.

Read Part One here.

Warnings: angst | swearing | mentions of blood

Word count: 4.1k

Harry took a deep breath in as his eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight outside his London home. Through the busy Saturday traffic he could just about hear the birds chirping. He loved days like that, where the sky was wall-to-wall blue, where the air was chilly but comfortable if you warmed up and chased the sun's rays. He pulled the front door shut and trotted down the three steps that led to the pavement below. The terraced South Kensington abode he shared with Stella was stifling him. So, when Ellis texted to say she was in town for work, he'd jumped at her offer of a cup of coffee and a stroll.

He'd left Stella and the cats catching up on the previous night's episode of Love Island. She was due for an evening shift that night so she just wanted to chill after making a Sunday roast for the two of them. They'd had a long few nights talking things through and making up for lost time. There was rather a lot that they needed to think about and a lot of things they both needed to consider, they'd realised.

He pulled his sunglasses down from where they'd been rested atop his head and set off in the direction of the tube station. He kept his black scarf wrapped over his mouth and chin, for warmth and in the hopes of harbouring some anonymity for as long as possible. He could usually get away with it - it had been over a decade and both he and Stella had gotten very good at sneaking around so as not to be noticed, but it was always a challenge.

Walking along the pavement, he noticed the woman in front of him and marvelled at her wonderful shoe choice. Knee-high boots of dark green snakeskin. She looked great in her dark brown suede coat with its marabou feather trim. Of course, he couldn't just stop and tell her that he liked her outfit, but in that moment he really wished he could. He took a step off the pavement edge and overtook her, turning his head to nod in acknowledgement, being sure not to linger too long.

As he approached the station he began to get slightly anxious as he saw the large crowds funnelling in and out of the station. He questioned why he'd recommended that he and Ellis should meet there a little over half an hour before. He kept his head down and adjusted his tote over his shoulder.

"Hey, stranger." He heard Ellis before she squeezed his arm through his big puffer jacket. She said it close to him and pulled him into a hug quickly. She knew to be discreet so as not to draw any unnecessary attention. He bent slightly to bring her close for a quick squish before letting go with a smile.

"So good to see you, mate," he responded. "Love the hat." He said, tugging the green woollen brim of it over her eyes in jest. She laughed and stepped back to start walking.

"Thanks, dickhead," She replied. "Come on then, show me where you get your pretentious non-fat, no-foam, sugar-free latte's, Mr Hollywood."

"Oh, God you sound like Stella." He grumbled, still with a smirk as he led the way to Florence's Patisserie. They did the best lemon shortbreads, he made a mental note to remember to grab one for Stella.

"I'm only pulling your leg. We have much to discuss though." She looked at him with a knowing, mischievous glint in her eye. Ellis was always the 'wise' one of their friendship group. Always the one to oversee drama and try to distil it. She and Stella had always gotten along, since school, but she'd always been closer to Harry.

It was only a five-minute walk from the station to the café and Harry was glad of it as he'd started hearing whispers from the pedestrians flocking the streets.

"It never gets any less weird, does it." Ellis said rhetorically, as she glanced at a group of girls with their camera phones pointed at the pair. Harry gave her a tight-lipped smile. It definitely didn't bother him as much as it used to. It only really became a burden to him when his friends began to feel uncomfortable being around him. It terrified him to think that he could have lost crucial friendships in the past because of it. People that could have been a big part of his life had he not been famous. It made him that much more thankful for his blonde friend of over a decade, and the feeling warmed his belly.

The familiar pretty millennial pink writing quickly became visible in the distance and Harry sped up, seeing the end in sight. He held open the door for Ellis to step through and followed her, asking what she fancied.

"They do every alternative milk you could think of, if that's something you're into now?" Ellis gave him a look.

"Just good old cows milk will do for me, lad." He nodded and stepped up to order.

"Can I have a triple shot flat white, please? And a," he motioned for Ellis to order.

"Just a regular vanilla latte, please," She said, smiling. "Oh, and one of your delicious-looking pan-au-chocolat's as well, please." She thanked Harry for paying and they moved to the end of the counter to wait. Harry asked her about what she was doing for work in London while adding a sugar sachet to his coffee. They were halfway up the road when Harry stopped.

"Shit, I forgot about Stella."

"What?"

"I forgot to get her anything," Ellis clutched her paper cup for warmth. "Wait here for a sec." He rushed back in the direction of the shop but slowed when he heard a camera shutter. He looked to the side and spotted a paparazzo getting out of a car with a huge camera hanging around his neck. He inhaled sharply, nostrils flaring and turning back to hurry to pull Ellis across the road.

"Never-fucking-mind."

"Bloody hell, Harry how do you keep living like this?"

"Right, so tell me the story. I've heard parts of it from Stell, but I always like to get both sides." Harry sighed and took a sip from his coffee.

"What's Stell's side?" He side-eyed Ellis through his sunglasses, genuinely curious. Ellis side-eyed him right back.

"I'm sure what she's told me is what she's told you," they continued on towards the Heath and Harry swung the rickety old wooden gate open for Ellis to walk ahead. He took another sip of coffee and looked in front of him at the expanse of grassy hills, their destination; a rusting metal bench that sat at the peak. "She feels guilty about the way she handled the situation, but she doesn't regret it." She paused for a moment in thought, he marched by her side, beginning to see his breath exhale into the air as he panted. "She just wants you to be a bit more present, I think."

Harry thought back to their confrontation at MSG.

“You’d know all about it if you listened to anyone talk about anything that wasn’t to do with you.”

Stella always knew the buttons needed to push Harry to another level. It really hurt him to hear her say that. He'd always felt like he made an effort to listen to others - above all, to listen to her. But it definitely made him think twice about the way he'd been treating the people he cared about the most.

"Yeah, we spoke a lot about that. I'm trying, El."

"I wanna say I know you are, but to be completely honest, I don't know if you are or aren't... because we don't really speak much anymore do we?" Harry sighed and rolled his eyes, did all the women in his life recently come together in a meeting and decide it was time to give him a hard time? "Don't stress, I'm just saying." Ellis held her hand up in surrender before he could respond as she watched his brows furrow into a harsh line.

"I thought I was bloody trying, but I had so many exciting things lined up and Stell was so busy with work and..." Ellis pushed for him to continue.

"You can say what you want Harry, I won't tell Stell."

"Argh, she's just infuriating when she gets like this. Like, I don't think she realises how much pressure I'm under every bloody day. She literally ranted at me over the phone over nothing and then she laid me out in front of the people I work with and... listen, I don't wanna sound like a misogynistic prick but sometimes I just don't need all this... this feminine rage!" He finished, his free hand animated until it slapped back down to the top of his thigh. Ellis took a moment before the laughter pushed through her lips into a cackle. Harry snapped his head to look at her and then couldn't help but laugh a little. "Why are you laughing?" He asked in a tone of desperation.

"Oh, Harry you make me laugh. Just say your girlfriend is pissing you off, for God's sake. It's fine! I'm sure I piss Michael off on a daily. You've been with Stella for what? 10 years now? I mean bloody hell if she weren't pissing you off sometimes then I would think something was wrong."

"12 years actually," Harry smirked, tipping his head back to finish off the dregs of his coffee. "Honestly, we argue and bicker but she's never looked at me like she did in New York. She's the best, you know that, but she does do my head in when she gets into these... moods."

"Is it her being in a mood or is she just, I dunno, crying out for you?" She looked at him and he looked contemplative. "I've gotta be honest, and you already know how much I admire your relationship and how you've been able to make it last, but I don't think I could ever be in a relationship with you."

"Meaning?" That stung, but Harry tried not to take offence, he knew Ellis had no ill intent.

"You need to remember how hard it must be for Stella to be in a public relationship. You're literally one of the most famous men in the world right now and she has to navigate that every day," Ellis looked ahead of them, thinking about how much hate Stella got every day and how Harry never defended her. She got a little pissed off at the thought of that. "And half the time you're not even around to make all the agg worth it." She blurted out, taking a gulp of her latte and wincing at the burn at the back of her throat. Harry sighed heavily, growing agitated.

"She kept saying stuff like, 'remember who you are', on the phone. What the fuck is that about? Seriously, she can't expect me to be who I was when we were 16."

"I don't think she really means that, mate."

"Well, last time I checked, she was thoroughly enjoying the perks of being with 'one of the most famous men in the world'." Harry said, smirking cheekily in Ellis's direction.

"Don't be a cocky git, H." Ellis shut him down. She hoped that he hadn't become that person.

Harry chewed his cheek to keep from smiling, he was only winding her up but he knew he could let his ego get the best of him sometimes. He was self-aware, but he tried to go easy on himself after attending therapy sessions over it for many years. How was he not meant to get ahead of himself every once in a while when he had women, and men, lining up to tell him how amazing, handsome and talented he was? Holding up signs asking if they could call him, Daddy? Offering him jobs left and right, in industries he never thought he had any business getting involved in, with an insane amount of zeros added to each cheque they sent Jeff's way?

Stella always kept him on the ground. She'd check him, toot sweet, and with no remorse, and he needed that. But he remembered all the memories they made when they were younger, back in the 1D days. She'd fucking loved being Harry's girlfriend, that was a hill he would gladly die on. She'd loved the fast-paced, glamour of it all. She'd loved being by his side and knowing that almost every girl in the world wanted to be in her position. Travelling the world and fucking their way through tour dates. Waking up, naked and barely remembering any words in the English language but each other's names, and being too in love to worry about it. She'd stayed in the best hotel rooms money could buy and he'd flown her out first class whenever she'd had time off at university. She'd eaten at the best restaurants cities had to offer. He thought back to buying expensive lingerie for her, scheduling it to be delivered while he was rehearsing and returning to the many hotel rooms they stayed in to find her wearing it, sprawled on the bed and looking better than he could ever have imagined. He always marvelled at the way she could take his breath away. Every damn time.

She'd lived every 19-year-old's dream.

"I know she loved being with a pop star when she was a teenager, even into her early 20s... that life was new and exciting, for all of us. We all got swept up in it, including you." Ellis snapped him out of his wandering mind and he frowned, nodding. It was true, Harry's life went from zero to 60 overnight and thus so did Stella's. He made sure to take his friends with him for as long and as far as he could. They had amazing times. But everything changed when Stella graduated into midwifery, it was her dream and she was damn good at it. But her life became very serious, all of a sudden. Harry had begun to feel inadequate as a partner, he found her so impressive and it made him feel inferior. What he had to offer, she didn't want or need anymore. She had this wonderful qualification to bring life into the world, after dedicating years of her life to educating herself for it.

It caused havoc in their relationship, and confrontation began to bubble to the surface in ways it hadn't before. They'd nearly separated but decided to push through. Stella took a year out and Harry knew it was time to call it quits with the band. They'd spent time at home for the first time since Harry got on the X Factor and it changed everything. They both knew they had become a forever thing.

She gave up everything for him, to make it work. Now, perhaps it was time for him to consider doing the same. He looked at his friend, his brows deep in a frown behind his sunglasses.

"She's a grown woman now, Harry. She needs stability and support, she needs a man." Ellis nudged his side, smirking with a wink. "Her man."

"Alexa, play BBC Radio Two." Stella called to the little robotic woman who lived in her bedroom, before she began to ascend the stairs, cup of tea in hand. Delilah, the ginger Maine Coon Harry had brought home almost three years ago, dipped in and out of her legs to follow her, always her shadow. Their other cat, a Ragdoll named Percy, stayed in the living room. He'd jumped, or more accurately plopped, down into the dip in the sofa that Stella left behind when she'd gotten up. Percy was Stella's granddad's beloved pet and she'd taken him in after he passed away. He was 13 years old and yearned for a much slower life in his old age. But she adored him.

Stella and Delilah crossed the landing towards the main bedroom and while Stella went into the ensuite, the cat made haste to sit underneath her dressing table, knowing she would soon be required to keep her owner's feet warm by cuddling up on top of them while makeup was carefully applied.

The figure in the mirror over the sink stared back at Stella, with bags under its eyes and hair pulled up in a messy - not even a nice messy - bun with flyaways sticking out all over the place. She shook her head with a sigh and flicked the cold tap on to splash water over her face, in an attempt to bring her dull skin back to life. Work was killing her, she'd leave one shift, only to be back in for a double six hours later. It'd been a few days since she'd flown back from New York and she'd been almost flat out since. She hoped it was a temporary thing, due to staff members calling in sick and kept her fingers crossed it would die down soon.

The radio had been purely background noise until she heard the familiar notes and dulcet tones of her other half.

"You know it's not the same as it was..."

"You've got that right, babe," she chuckled sadly to herself. She thought back to the night Melanie gave birth to baby Molly and took a long shaky breath inwards.

Wednesday 21 September 2022

The room was dark, all but silent apart from a few monotonous beeps signalling Melanie's heart was still beating. Stella remembered the first time she'd been privy to a situation where all that mattered was that the beeps kept coming. One at a time, steady and consistent, that's all that was needed. She'd had nightmares where the beeps stopped. Dead. Silence.

George's voice, calm but stoic, shook her out of her daze. "You did everything you could, Stella. Dr. Brooks knows what she's doing, this baby will be fine." Stella looked up at him beside her, dressed in his blue labour scrubs, hairnet and mask.

"She has to be, George." Her voice was shaking, what had just happened was one of the most traumatic labours she'd come up against. She couldn't help but blame herself. After all, she'd been up for close to 22 hours by then. She wasn't up to assisting in Mel's labour, she'd been selfish in her choice to rush back and take over. She raised a wobbly hand up to her forehead and rubbed, willing herself not to cry.

Dr. Brooks worked skilfully and moved with absolute purpose, decades of experience had made her hands nimble. This baby needed to come out quickly and efficiently. Melanie had already lost a lot of blood and they couldn't afford for the baby to be starved of oxygen.

Stella closed her eyes and breathed deep.

"Take deep breaths for me, Mel." Stella was between Melanie's legs and it had been nearly an hour of intermittent pushing, to no avail. How could that be when she was fully dilated? "Come on, I know you can do this."

"I can't, I ca-can't." Melanie stuttered above her, taking huge drags from the gas and air, nearing unconsciousness.

"I don't think she's getting any contractions now, G," Stella stated, eyes wide in early panic as she looked at her general manager for help. Stella had already had to cut into Melanie in an attempt to accommodate the baby's head and shoulders, but she was just not budging.

"Stay calm. Mel, Melanie," George spoke gruffly over Stella's head and she snapped her head to look at his sudden move to the top of the bed. Melanie's head had gone slack, the spout of the gas and air tube hanging from her lips that were rapidly turning blue.

"Fuck." Stella whispered, barely audible. The following moments were a blur. She looked down at her gloved hands, gloves that were once blue but had turned red. She looked down at her scrubs, red, all the way down to her knees. "Fuck."

"Alright, here she is," Stella startled out of her reverie with the cry of a newborn. A beautiful newborn baby and it was possibly the most gorgeous sound she'd ever heard. The relief nearly took her out at the knees. George threw an arm around Stella's shoulders and squeezed and she smiled for the first time in what felt like days. Her ears pricked up as they searched for the all-important sound and there it was. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Under the flowing water of the hospital shower, Stella felt numb. She rested her head on her shoulders and let the droplets run down her body, breathing deeply. She thought about Harry. She wished he was there, it made her face crumble for a moment and she let a fist hit the shower wall in frustration. She might have fucked up her job and her relationship in one night, impressive even by her standards.

Stepping out in a rough, clinically pressed white towel that probably took off a layer of skin as she rubbed it up and down her limbs, she'd never felt more drained. She was tired to her bones. A friend on another ward, Angel had travelled in to bring Stella some clothes as she only lived a short walk away. She'd left them in Stella's locker for her to collect before going on her shift.

She dragged the velour trackie bottoms up her legs and threw the hoodie over her head, forgoing a bra - there was no way the girls were going to be constrained while she was in this mental state, that might've actually driven her to the brink.

She rubbed her hands over her eyes and tried to get the image of Melanie's unconscious face out of her mind. Baby and mother were both alive. Melanie was torn up, but she was alive. That's what mattered.

Towelling her hair dry, she couldn't wait to get home, get into bed and most likely cry herself to sleep. Throwing her bloodied scrubs into the wash bin next to the lockers and grabbing her bag from her locker she left and pushed the door to the staff changing area open. Had it always weighed a tonne? Shuffling in Angel's sliders that were a size too big for her, she smiled softly at Val who was still at the front desk. She'd probably finished, gone home and come back in the same time Stella had been dealing with Melanie. Val smiled smugly and looked to her right. Stella followed her gaze and nearly doubled over when her eyes landed on him.

"Oh my god," she sputtered through a breath. "Harry."

He looked up at the sound of her voice, his eyes fluttered open and he shook his head slightly to adjust to his surroundings. Vision clearing and landing on her, he rose from the hard plastic chairs and Stella finally broke down. Her face crumbled at the pure comfort he brought just by being near. He was wearing what he'd worn to the arena the night before.

"Harry, have you been here all night?" She sobbed and he welcomed her to step into him bringing his hands to cup her cheeks, catching her tears with his thumbs. He nodded subtly, his brows pinching in the middle, exhausted and emotional. She dropped her bag to the floor and craned her neck slightly to push her lips to his, short quick pecks as he stroked the skin under her eyes.

"I love you," he whispered. "Please, don't ever run away again."

"I love you too, I'm sorry, baby." She whispered back, stroking his hair back and scratching the back of his neck.

"And you flew right after her..." Ellis said wistfully, looking at her friend as they neared the metal bench at the top of the Heath.

"Yeah... not gonna be winning any awards for eco-friendliness any time soon." He joked.

"Fair play, you can be a bloody romantic sod when you want to be, H." She marvelled, looking out to the skyline below them. He looked out to watch the rest of London going about their lives. An older couple caught his eye, holding hands and walking in step with each other down the hill. He thought about Stella for the umpteenth time that day; that was nothing new. They weren't perfect, but that night when she'd helped bring new life into the world, they'd brought new life into their relationship. And watching the pair of strangers continue their stroll, as the man brought his partner into his side to kiss the top of her head, he knew it would all be worth it in the end.

Because she'd been there all along.

----

Hope you enjoyed this little glance into Harry and Stella's world. If you've made it this far, I love ya!

See you next time.

Nel xo

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