#i swear to god it is Cass and Steph and Babs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

insertcoolusernamehereee · 7 months

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The Wayne Family is a mess

Dick:-

Parental figure is Bruce, but calls Clark ‘dad’ sometimes just piss Bruce off <3 (Ignore Gotham War, Ignore Gotham War)

Favourite sibling is he doesn’t have one :3. Okay, he likes Jason a teeny bit more, but he’s pretty fair to all of them.

He sees Damian as his son, but they both refuse to acknowledge it completely. They’re comfortable with how they are now.

He is SO older sister coded. Feels like he is responsible for everyone, and tries to hide when he’s mad/sad, but most of the time his siblings force him to tell them how he’s feeling.

Him and Cass CONSTANTLY exchange ‘I swear to god, these losers’ looks when everyone is fighting/doing something stupid.

While his favourite is Jason, and views Damian as a son, he spoils Tim and Duke HORRENDOUSLY.

Him and Steph gossip about different celebrities 24/7

Is currently dating Babs :3

Him and Selina have more ‘friendsies’ relationship, than mom-son type relationship. When one of them get into a argument with Bruce they start slandering him SO BADLY.

Jason:-

I can hear you guys from on the other side of my screen, but him and Bruce are not on Father-Son relationship stance right now. Bruce sees him as a son, but he doesn’t view him as a father (anymore). But he can talk to him without fighting now. (Ignore Gotham War, Ignore Gotham War)

Favourite siblings are Duke, Cass and Tim. Because yes. He makes it obvious too lol.

Dislikes Damian, but helps him get away with shit just to give Bruce grey hairs.

Jason ‘I hate modern technology’ Todd

Him and Dick teaming up give people HEADACHES. If Bruce/Alfred want to scold them, they MUST be separated.

Stephanie and him are besties and bully Tim mercilessly, since he luvs to steal everyone’s friends. (Damian ur next)

He gets Alfred presents on both Father’s Day and Grandfathers day, and everything in between.

Spoils Cass tbh. It’s all with Bruce’s card, but what people don’t know won’t hurt them :D

He is constantly like ‘Selina u can do SO much better’ but he does like her. Just not as strong of a relationship.

Cass:-

100% Views Bruce as a father figure. Hates David Cain, and just does not care about Lady Shiva.

Favourite sibling is Tim, and is best friends with Stephanie.

People constantly think that Damian and her are biological siblings, so when they ask, she looks them dead in the eyes and tells them ‘He’s my dad’. It gets the reporters confused every time.

Obnoxiously acts like a little Angel, but everyone knows she’s not. “Cass. We all know you crashed the Batmobile. No, you smiling will not change my mind. Yes, your smile is very pretty, BUT STILL.”

Her and Dick are forced to be the responsible ones when everyone is hanging out. With Cass in charge of Dick, and Dick in charge of Cass. It oddly works out.

Loves spoiling Damian, it’s getting concerning. In turn, Damian’s pets love her.

Stephanie spills tea about EVERYONE to her. Even about her classmates, who Cass has never even met. Fake dating Steph as well so that nobody tries to flirt with her during galas, and to explain why Steph is so close with the family.

Babs is a major role model in her life. When Cass needs advice, Babs is the first number on her phone.

She loves Selina. But sometimes doesn’t trust her. Otherwise, she approves of Batcat :) Not that strong of a mother-daughter relationship, but she buys Selina a gift for Mother’s Day, just because she can.

Tim:-

Yes, he does view Bruce as a father figure. He also still views Jack as a father figure but he’s dead now <333 As for Janet…she’s a complicated situation.

Favourite siblings are Dick and Cass. He’s besties with Stephanie, basically tells her almost everything.

Both him and Damian are petty, so they trade insults a lot, but it’s more bantering than fighting lol. They do go out to places together, but they are always acting like they are forced to, or that they would be anywhere else (even though they like hanging with each other)

He will not stop with the ‘middle child’ jokes. He will purposefully make Bruce ignore him just so he give a long monologue about being the middle child. He will then ask Bruce to give Damian up for adoption to redeem himself. Damian is still here :D

Cass is Tim’s wingman. (Which is why it took so long for TimKon/Timber to get together)

Tim gives the best Christmas gifts, followed by Damian. This is mostly because he’s a STALKER.

He likes Babs a lot, but acts like a CHILD, because she’s better at hacking than he his and therefore she stops him from doing a few things. He threw a tantrum once when she activated CHILD-LOCK on his computer.

He adores Selina. Sometimes suspicious of her, but mostly trusts her. Selina spoils him, Duke and Damian to no limits.

Stephanie:-

Bruce is NOT her parent figure, but she still views his kids as her siblings. Crystal is her mom, she does not consider Arthur her dad.

Favourite siblings are Damian and Tim, Cass and Jason are her besties.

When Jason is mad at the family and going someplace without telling them, he only tells Steph where he is going.

Once, Tim asked how they were her siblings when Bruce or Selina aren’t her parents, so she declared that Talia was her other mom, and made weird stories connecting each of them :D

Cass knows ALL of Steph secrets, because Steph keeps venting to her 24/7.

When Tim and her are together, they start collectively working on a singular brain cell, making the other person next to them having to be the responsible one. On one memorable occasion, it turned out to be Damian.

Stephanie, Dick and Tim love stalking there siblings when they get a date. Just for fun <333. Stephanie and Dick however are the quote on quote ‘embarrassing parents’ energy when it comes to dates. (Tim and Duke are pretty chill when it comes to dates, Bruce, Damian and Jason are the ones who do the shovel talk, and Cass is just staring at you menacingly during the first family dinner.)

Stephanie and Duke are the ones who sneak off to do underage drinking. Tim and Jason are the ones trying to stop them LMAO.

Stephanie likes Selina a lot. She is constantly pestering her to let her see Harley and Poison Ivy. Selina let her one time, and they caused SO MUCH chaos. (Steph is Selina’s second favourite)

Duke:-

He doesn’t see Bruce as a father figure fully yet, but he does love him. He still considers his parents (minus the weird god dad) as his parents.

Favourite siblings are Damian and Jason. Because, in Tim’s words, he’s weird like that. Him and Damian go to movies every month, and we’re especially excited for the FNAF movie. (They LOVE FNAF.)

Duke is also super younger-sibling coded. If everyone gets super defensive of Damian, then he’s the one who can say ANYTHING and get away with it. As a joke, Jason starts referring to him and Damian as twins because when people ask who they’re ‘youngest sibling’ is, everyone keeps alternating between Duke and Damian.

At first he was downright TERRIFIED of Cass. Like he was scared to be in the same room as her. Now they team up to scare everyone else. (Duke is just recording, Cass does the scaring)

Damian only does ‘puppy eyes’ VERY rarely, and it works effectively every time. Duke? He does it for Every. Little. Thing. And most of the time? He gets it. Tim and Cass are the only one who can resist it. Sometimes.

Dick is Dukes idol. He wants to be like Dick in the future :3

Jason and Duke call each other ‘narrows’ and ‘alley’ respectively. Duke also does a lot of shit, just Bruce never finds out because nobody tells on him, so Jason is JELLY of that.

Stephanie and Duke have the most similar taste in food out of everyone else. VERY, VERY sugary. Nobody listens to them when they suggest to eat something. It’s too sugary.

Selina acts like Duke is her biological son as a joke to the press. The press still thinks it’s true. It’s downright hilarious.

Damian:-

Parental figures are Bruce and Dick, though they don’t acknowledge it :) (Ignore Gotham War, Ignore Gotham War) The relationship with Talia…is messy, to say the least.

Favourite siblings are Stephanie and Duke (because obviously???) They use there gremlin nature to a MAX to prank everyone else.

He is the most younger sibling coded person ever. He’s a little gremlin-demon, but if you mess with him, you’re messing with ALL OF THEM.

Upset that Tim and Stephanie broke up, and started shipping Steph and Cass (for shit and giggles, they are the type of besties who act like there in a relationship, and Damian knows this) and constantly asks Cass when she’s proposing so that Steph can be his sister legally as well <33

Constantly bantering with Tim, but they love each other. They just have weird ways of showing it :3

Dislike-Dislike relationship with Jason, but can and will team up with each other to ruin everyone’s day. They also don’t want each other dead ig :)

Only accepts Babs as Dicks girlfriend. No in between. But he will respect Kori. Begrudgingly.

Respects Jim Gordon so much lmaooo.

Has learned the Alfred eyebrow raise. He is now tormenting everyone with it.

Selina is Bruce’s fiancé, but they have a ‘chaotic aunt, and chaotic nephew’ type of bond. Damian is 100% Selina’s fav.

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dcfanfictioncatalogue · 5 months

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stephanie brown NOV 2023 fic awards

this is part of a new experimental thing I'm doing, where I will comb through every fic posted/updated in a character tag for a specific month and find my favorites! I hope this will encourage people to read and comment on new and active fics with less-focused-on characters.

-> Action & Plot <-

Purr-ple Power [series: 2/2], by Cephalogod. 5.7k, T, timsteph pre-relationship. summary: batman wouldn't listen to steph about her dad, but luckily for steph, a certain cat-themed vigilante is more than willing to. my notes: I adore "stray" fics/AUs, so it's about time steph got one! her particular brand of mischievousness is more than suited to selina's, and tim in this series is so funny. love!!

Road to Recovery, by Solemini. 19.8k, T, gen, 6/6. summary: cass leaves steph the batgirl suit, and everything changes. a complete rewrite of batgirl 2009. my notes: god. this steph is angry. and she deserves to be-- she hates the world for not treating her right, she resents her upbringing. this is our angry robin. but it is, despite that, a tale of joy and love. basically, it's a gorgeous retelling of batgirl 2009.

-> Fluff & Humor <-

the relief of home, with you, by MermaidMarie. 2.5k, G, stephcass. summary: a series of little moments in the home steph and cass share. my notes: AAAGHGHG this was so cute!!! absolutely adorable and lovely 10/10 no notes the perfect friends to lovers domestic fluff

the purple menace and camera boy, by waffleinatorinator. 1.2k, T, timsteph pre-relationship. summary: steph is spoiler, tim is a civilian, and he finds her injured in a dumpster. my notes: they're so cute!!! this is just one little scene but it's an adorable setup and I enjoyed it immensely.

⇘ click for more! ⇘

-> Whump & Angst <-

distress signal, by waffleinatorinator. 5.4k, T, implied stephcass. summary: cass's distress signal goes off. steph runs across a city for her. my notes: the angst is DELICIOUS. the author's tag of "if there was a pwp tag for whump i would use it" rings very true. definitely good steph angst >:)

i swear that i'll be yours forever 'til forever falls apart, by waffleinatorinator. 800, not rated, timsteph flavoring. summary: steph comes back as the red hood, and she's out for revenge -- but she doesn't get what she expected. my notes: this concept is everything to me -- reverse robins tim as red hood always bugs me when steph is logically supposed to be in that spot in the order and when it fits her story so much better. I also love tim's dedicated loyalty to her here, and how insane they both are <3

-> Currently Updating <-

Girls Against God, by cookiesncrows. 36.3k, M, stephcass endgame, 22/?. summary: jim gordon falls ill, which means babs and james have to tolerate each other enough to take care of him. in the interim, kate kane moves back to gotham to be the new batgirls' mentor, which steph and cass are not fond of. my notes: ohh the angst is so good!! this fic is very heavy on the character interaction and the plot which I personally adore, and the inclusion of lesser-known characters that are written very well makes this whole world feel fleshed out and real.

The Ping-Pong Wars, by fadesfanfic. 6.6k, G, gen, 5/?. summary: steph beats damian at ping-pong, and damian becomes hellbent on reclaiming his honor. my notes: it's silly and fluffy and somehow manages to perfectly capture the batgirl 2009 vibe of steph trying to bond with this feral little child. well worth the read!!! <3

send me an ask for fic rec lists ++ to find a fic lost to the sands of time

#stephanie brown #timsteph #stephcass #family friendly #100 to 2k #2k to 10k #25k to 60k

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roseworth · 2 years

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"What happened?" "Do you want the long version or the short version?" "Uh, short?" "I made a mistake." "Okay, long version." "I made a very very big mistake." with Jason & Steph and/or anyone else you feel like! <3

send me a prompt <3 <3

Jason wasn’t sure why he even bothered having a lock on his door at all. Everyone that knew where he lived would pick his lock or climb in through the window (or in Artemis’s case, kick the door off its hinges) whenever he wasn’t home, so apparently there wasn’t much of a point to having a security system at all.

He came back from the store with grocery bags hanging from his arms to see that his door was unsurprisingly unlocked. He sighed quietly and pushed open the door, then locked it behind him. He was not in the mood to be dragged into whatever problems his pseudo-siblings were having today.

“Jason!” Stephanie greeted as he walked in. She was crouched on his kitchen counter, holding one of Dick’s escrima sticks in front of her defensively. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“I live here,” he said drily as he set his bags down. “What brings you here?”

“Your apartment has more weapons than anywhere else I know,” she answered simply.

Jason blinked. “What about the Batcave?”

“He can get to me in the Batcave.”

“Who?”

A loud knocking on the door broke them out of their conversation. “Todd!”

“Don’t answer it!” Steph yelped.

“Steph…”

“He’s gonna kill me!”

“What the hell did you do?”

“Do you want the short version or the long version?”

The knocking at the door quickly turned into angry pounding.

“Uh… short,” Jason said.

“I made a mistake.”

“Okay, fine, long version.”

“Todd! I know you’re in there!”

“I made a very very big mistake.”

The lock started clicking, and Jason rolled his eyes. “How many people are going to pick that lock today?”

“Oh my god,” Steph whispered. “Hide me.”

“There’s a spot in the bedroom where you can–”

He turned around and Steph was already gone.

Damian burst into the room seconds later, holding a knife in one hand and another one of Dick’s escrima sticks in the other. “I know she’s here.”

Jason sighed and rubbed his temple. “Who’s here?”

“Stephanie.”

“Nope, no Steph here,” he said. “Maybe you should check with Cass.”

Damian narrowed his eyes, then started searching the room. “No, she would have come here,” he said. “She’s predictable.”

“Apparently not as predictable as you think, kid,” Jason shrugged. “She’s not here.”

Damian turned his glare away from his search and toward Jason’s face. “You shouldn’t be protecting her, Todd.”

“I’m not.”

Damian held his knife up to his chin. It was supposed to be menacing, but the fact that the kid almost had to stand on his toes just to reach his face made it a lot more cute than scary.

“I know your secret.”

Jason raised an eyebrow. “I don’t have any secrets.”

“I know about your relationship with the Lantern.”

Fuck.

“So?” Jason replied, crossing his arms.

Damian smirked. “I’ll tell Father.”

“You can tell Bruce whatever you want, I don’t give a shit.”

“I’ll tell Mother.”

Jason frowned and glared at him. Damian glared back.

“Damnit,” Jason muttered. “She’s in the bedroom.”

“Traitor!” Steph yelled, throwing the bedroom door open.

“You!” Damian hissed, going in to lunge at her.

Jason looped an arm around Damian’s waist and picked him up before he could go in for the kill. Stephanie, who had apparently found one of Jason’s swords, was holding it in front of herself menacingly.

“You’ll rue this day, Brown!” Damian shouted, wriggling in Jason’s grasp.

“Don’t you guys normally annoy Dick with your issues?” Jason groaned, then slung Damian over his shoulder.

“She almost got me killed!”

“That’s an oversimplification and you know it!”

“How about going to Babs?” Jason continued. “I’m sure she would love to hear about this problem instead of me.”

“Todd, unhand me now, or I swear I’ll make you ever regret leaving that hole you crawled out of!” Damian yelled.

“Jason, if you let him kill me I’ll haunt you both for the rest of eternity.”

“Alright, alright,” Jason held an arm up. “No one’s killing each other today, okay? Now how about someone tells me what’s going on.”

“Stephanie made me jump off a roof,” Damian spat.

Jason closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m gonna need a little more than that.”

“We were on patrol together,” Steph explained, still holding the sword defensively. “And I thought it might be funny to prank him.”

“So you made him jump off a roof?” Jason asked, a little incredulous.

“No, the prank wasn’t supposed to involve him jumping off the roof.”

“She acted like she fell off the roof,” Damian frowned. “I thought she fell because of her own incompetence, so I jumped down to save her.”

“But I had already grappled back up,” she added. “So Damian couldn’t find my body on the street and he freaked.”

“I did not 'freak,'” he defended. “I was irritated because you’ve managed to get killed in the line of duty before, and it would be unbecoming to do it again.”

“Hey! You’ve died too!”

“Okay, okay, we’ve all died,” Jason said placatingly. “Let’s all just chill out, right?”

“I cannot chill out, Todd,” Damian yelled. “She made me think she was dead, that is unforgiveable.”

“So you’re going to kill her over it?”

“No,” he rolled his eyes. “I’m going to make her regret ever living.”

“Fuckin’ hell,” Jason said under his breath. “Why am I on big brother duty for this one? Steph, you’re only a year younger than me, and Damian’s basically a 40-year-old dressed as a 12-year-old.”

“Thank you.”

“Damian went to Dick first,” Steph said. “And he gave him an escrima stick to take revenge. I went to Dick to tell him off for it, so he gave me the other escrima stick to defend myself.”

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose. “Listen, you guys are perfectly capable of figuring this out on your own.”

“He’s not really in the mood to talk it out,” Steph argued.

“She’s right, Todd, put me down and we will figure it out through combat.”

“If you guys are gonna fight to the death, do it in Dick’s apartment and not mine.”

“I don’t want to fight to the death!” Steph shouted.

“Then how about you try apologizing while I’m keeping the kid from killing you.”

Steph sighed and moved to look at Damian from where he was still dangling over Jason’s shoulder. “Dames, I’m sorry I worried you when I fell. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“I wasn’t upset,” Damian mumbled.

“Damian–”

“Fine,” he frowned. “I was worried you were hurt. And I would rather you did not fall a roof.”

“Aw, Damian!” Steph beamed.

"I forgive you for this time," he said. "But if you make me believe you've died again, I will not be so easily persuaded."

"Deal," she nodded with a grin. She threw the sword on the ground and held her arms out. “Wanna hug it out?”

"No."

She held her arm out instead. “Handshake it out?”

“Fine,” he agreed. “Set me down, Todd, we’re working things out.”

Jason snorted and put Damian back on the floor. He reached out his arm for a handshake, but Steph grabbed it and yanked him into a hug instead. He yelped, then grumbled quietly and wrapped his arms around her.

“Wanna team up on patrol again tomorrow?” Steph asked.

“...Yes.”

They broke apart, and Jason picked up the forgotten escrima sticks. Steph raised an eyebrow. “What are you gonna do with those?”

He pressed a button, and the electricity on them crackled to life. “I’m gonna go have a conversation with Dick about making me deal with his problems,” he said. “Don’t break any of my stuff while I’m gone.” He saluted with one hand and slipped out the window.

“Wanna go watch them fight?” Steph asked with a slight mischievous grin.

“Of course I do,” Damian answered, his expression mirroring hers.

“I’ll bet $5 that Jason makes Dick cry,” she said, slinking out the window to follow Jason.

“Please, I’ll bet $10 that Richard makes Todd cry.”

“You’re on.”

#writing lighthearted shenanigans as a treat to myself <3 <3 #also i apologize for making this so much damian even tho he wasnt in ur request #i have no self control 👍#jason todd #stephanie brown #damian wayne #dc #fanfic #my writing

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donotalwaysbebatman · 11 months

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Nightwing #105

This whole issue is really gimmick and there isn't a point to it. I know this idiot thought he was really smart for coming up with a concept that was really weird! And no one does that! Yeah, there's a reason no one does this except in porn. What, were you watching porn and you were like, whoo, someone should do a comic of this. Honestly, a porn comic might've been better, because this one had, again, no point.

Here's the thing, Tom. You are a terrible writer and I only read Nightwing to look at him drawn by a very talented artist. You literally made an issue where it was impossible for me to stare at his ass. And if you had a reason for it, if you were using it as a storytelling element, sure, okay, I like experimental stories. This wasn't that. This was just you thinking you were a supergenius for no reason.

Also. The apartment window thing? This is the most parodied thing in all of not only Batfandom, but all of superhero satire. You can't just have people jump out their own window in costume. Have some fucking opsec. At least have a secret elevator up to the roof or something, god fucking damn.

Then he gets a call from his sister. And I'm like Cass! (Or maybe Steph, because Babs is obv already sleeping over.) But it was not Cass. It was the character I thought had been written out of the story and never needs to be mentioned again. Who literally never needed to exist in the first place and legitimately could be replaced with like three sticky notes with one sentence each on them. Because this asshole hates Cass, and doesn't want to acknowledge her existence. For fuck's sake, Dick, at least ask which sister.

Okay, and then he fucking Mansplains trains to Babs??? Like, oh, Barbara, did you know that, in fact, trains move? And she's like, oh, teehee, I didn't, I can't jump, I'm not a trained vigilante like you Nightwing, I need you to teach me how to do basic tricks!!! I almost died teehee teehee! No. Babs is so much better at timing and trajectories than Dick is. She can literally calculate them in her head while she's moving. She doesn't miss. Also what did it add for her to miss? Other than another chance for Tom to show off how much better he thinks men are than women? I swear to fuck this is the most sexist writer at DC.

Unrelated, why the fuck are all the train seats the same weird hot pink color? Usually they're several different colors or uniform gray. What choices is the colorist making here.

Then we have even more sexism. Hurhur a cheating joke! How funny! Literally what is the point of including that? It's funny that Babs doesn't trust Dick or something? Like what exactly is even supposed to be the underlying humor there, that they don't have a healthy relationship and he constantly makes her feel self-conscious and inadequate? That he threatens her in order to coerce her into doing things he wants? Or else that she's asserting that she has control over his body and is trying to curtail his autonomy? Or is it just supposed to be relatable because like. Of course women constantly test their men! That's just what the female species is like! Only misogynists think like that. No, Tom. Skill issue.

Then this thing about reverse engineering vaccines out of someone's bloodstream because they injected themselves. Which I know is this really common trope but it's so stupid and not at all how vaccines work. What's going to be in someone's blood is antibodies. Vaccines aren't made of antibodies. They're made to mimic the original disease in shape. So it's like this: did they inject her with the vaccine, in which case why the fuck don't they remember she has short hair, or did she just get her hands on it, in which case why didn't she just fucking carry it like a reasonable person.

Anyway then it's like 'oh let's switch bodies' and the lady is like. I don't get it. Where will we get a body double who is also athletic and also has red hair. Well, newsflash, lady, 50% of women in DC have red hair. And 98% of them are in the top 2% of athletes worldwide. So. But literally Babs is sitting directly next to her and how stupid does Tom think women are that she wouldn't get that immediately? Or, worse, how stupid does he think the reader is that they need that explained? (I mean, I guess his fans might need that explained.) I hope it's just included because he thinks his fans want to laugh at how stupid women are that they need obvious things explained, because that's honestly less depressing.

So here's my question, why would changing on a giant empty train be awkward? They can go to a different car if they want to. And there are still bathrooms, even if they don't. Or they can just move behind the seats further away. Plus, they're both women, so it's not really awkward for them to change in front of each other; Dick doesn't need to be changing and can just turn around or close his eyes. (The only funny use of the gimmick possible, which they just skipped.) And Dick has already seen Babs naked lots, so why would either of them care? They're all capes. They change en masse all the time. And also there was a whole third outfit that appeared out of fucking nowhere, so they didn't even have to be naked at the same time or do a naked handoff. (Which wouldn't really be naked, because underwear.)

And, really, where did that uniform come from? Did she strip the conductor naked when she threw them off the train? Or does Tom think that people just keep spare clothes on the train like they live there? They change at home like everyone else does for their job. They're not storing spare uniforms in the train closet and, what, sharing them with each other? That's even more annoying than Babs trying to relationship test him again for no fucking reason, what would that even mean? Like, oh, you think the villain outfit is hot, therefore you're basically cheating on me. What fucking logic.

This story is really boring and has no point and wouldn't have been good anyway, but the gimmick is super annoying all the way through, and in parts just makes it hard to read. Also it includes way more mirrors than would actually come up in telling this story in a normal way, just so the artist was allowed to actually draw Nightwing sometimes. This is just a failed attempt at cool artistic choices.

Here's the other question: why would Dick try to go rescue Babs? She can take care of herself. She can take care of their victims, too. His priority should be getting the vaccine to the people who need it (and, also, how can they pay her if the point is they don't have money to pay for the vaccine?) and then sending her sister after her, later, after they do the rescue. Without her. Because why the fuck are they taking her near where the kidnappers who want to kill her are??? Why didn't they just let her get captured and put a tracker on her then? Why bother with deception if not to buy time to get her out of there? Just because Dick needs to prove he's a man, who women of course always need to rescue them?

Or else he could just let her go off and sell her vaccine or whatever she's doing. Instead of having the most fail emotional dialogue ever written. Completely scrubbed of any personality or purpose. Giving no catharsis to either character or the audience. And also I don't care about her or what she's doing, but her motivations would've been a lot more interesting than the conversation they actually had.

Meanwhile, Babs frees herself, of course she does, that's only reasonable, and then Dick is surprised? Why, is he as much of a misogynist as you, Tom? These kidnappers are clearly super incompetent, you really think a trained vigilante with the element of surprise is not going to get the upper hand? She needs you to rescue her because she has an F on her driver's license? And then what was with the bizarre sex banter. That was unnecessary, especially since Dick apparently doesn't even like sex, according to the line he said.

Now the villain - who the editor explained the situation in full to us, on the assumption no one remembers or gives a fuck, which, good on her - is presented as if he's obviously a bad dude because he's a rich guy. Like those are the markers of why you're supposed to distrust him. Only the thing is Dick is also a rich guy. He grew up rich, and now he's a multibillionaire. And that is actually very important to his story, because, if anyone's paying attention, the entire Batman story is about how a) money or power alone is not enough to fix things without enough popular support, and b) even if everyone around you is terrible you can choose to be good, because people are not predestined based on their fucking genetics or whatever. So just relying on stereotypes is so fucking disrespectful to that entire tradition, a tradition where Dick picks up those lessons from his father and applies them to his own life.

There's also an issue where Tom is confusing sociopaths and sadists. Sociopaths are low empathy people who are often willing to hurt people incidentally to achieve their goals, although it is important to note that many people regardless of empathy are willing to dick people over. They hurt animals as children out of curiosity without regard for the harm, not because they seek the harm specifically; they want to perform dissections and learn biology. Sadists, on the other hand, are extremely high empathy, and have an easy time making friends and getting to know people intimately, and don't have the problem of feeling lonely or misunderstood. They manipulate the people around them intuitively, often without even knowing they're doing it, and slowly become abusive. If they're that type, of course; both sadists and sociopaths are almost always very normative people, just like everyone else, and don't do anything notably out of the ordinary. This is such a common error in fiction and it's boring and annoying. Do better. It just makes him the stupidest villain in all of DC, and that's compared to stuff like Packrat and Killer Moth.

"It was 25 minutes." What does that even mean, Dick? How long do you think it takes to legitimately fire someone once you watch the news? Especially if they weren't legally hired in the first place? And you already know they're lying and not being legitimate, so what are you trying to prove? That they're lying? To whom? This literally wouldn't mean they were lying, and also everyone knows they're lying so what exactly is the point. And then he takes the drugged water!

Don't drink that, Dick! Why would you take supervillain water from a supervillain? Why would you take any food or drink you didn't have to, ever, but especially in costume while dealing with ethically sketchy people you know are totally comfortable with murder? He's definitely got tiny nanites in him that are tracking him or trying to rewrite his brain or something now. Or they put LSD in there so they can fuck with him later.

What's with the defense that she's a thief, too - does Tom think if someone's a thief, you're allowed to kidnap them? Thieves have rights and are still protected, so unless it was a citizen's arrest, in which case they would have to say that and wouldn't be allowed to deal with her personally (and would yell that as a defense anyway, not just be like, it's okay she steals stuff)... why would anyone think that was a defense to taking hostages. What does that mean. Shouldn't that tell Dick that they're supervillains and not just asshole CEOs.

Hoho, Dick made a funny, he almost said a bad word! But he didn't! Because he's a pure specimen of ideal manhood, right. First of all, Mr. Wing is a super cute nickname, second, how is Jason Little Wing if Wing is not their shared surname, and third, at least pick a funny insult if you're going to make that joke. Assclown, maybe? That has genre implications. Or canoe, maybe, because it has clear implications but it's also a funny word, even without the Oh No Words in it. Or just call him Mr. Fucker! We'd get it even censored!

Also this is the stupidest ending. Oh look, they resolved stuff, let us inform you of the resolution. I didn't even care while it was happening, Tom, you don't need to spell out all the things that were implied by the fact that the story ended. Why is it interesting they left? Or took a motorcycle? Why is Babs waiting? Doesn't she have better things to do? I did. But I read this comic anyway.

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timidizzy · 4 years

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Can it be tomorrow yet I need to read Batman #100

#PLEASE ive been waiting TOO LONG FOR THIS ISSUE #joker war has me on the edge of my seat i swear to fckn god #SHOW BE BABS AS ORACLE SHOW ME HER #ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW STEPH AND CASS IN THEIR NEW UNIFORMS #IS ONE OF THEM GONNA BE BATGIRL #PLS PLS I NEED TO KNOW #Batman #joker war #dc comics #dc universe #detective comics #batgirl #oracle #spoiler #orphan #barbara gordon #cassandra cain #stephanie brown

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spiralcass · 2 years

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Damian: “So anyway, I took second place in the League of Lazrus tournament. It was awesome.”

Cass: “Heh. Loser.”

Damian: “It wasn’t just about winning. It was about finding myself.”

Cass: “Spoken like a loser.”

Damian: “Cassandra...”

Cass: “I wouldn’t...have lost a life.”

Damian: “Cain, I swear to god...”

Cass: *Sticks her tongue out and drags her eyelid down her face*

-------

Tim: “Are you just antagonizing everyone in this family who joined after you?”

Cass: “Maybe.”

Babs: “Do you think you could not?”

Steph: “Nah, I support this. These guys have never been good to us. Treat us like chopped liver.”

Damian: “Chopped liver?”

Damian: “Meat. I just had pizza with meat on it.”

Damian:

Damian: “BAT-COW I’M SORRY!!!”

#BatFamily #Cassandra Cain #Cassandra Cain-Wayne #Batgirl #Damian Wayne #Robin #Tim Drake #Barbara Gordon #Stephanie Brown

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anothertimdrakestan · 4 years

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Batfam On A Road Trip HC

req: “Batfam on a road trip? It’s been on my mind for like a week-”

oh god it’s probably so chaotic... and like distinctly dangerous???

also this is my car AU where there’s infinite rows of seats in the car until I’m done.

we’ve got Bruce driving - even though Damian, Dick, Tim, Jason, AND Steph all tried to get behind the wheel but after last years incident the only people allowed to drive are Bruce and Duke but Duke doesn’t like driving with his siblings bouncing off the damn walls.

Speaking of Duke, mans snagged himself a window seat SO FAST it would make your head spin. He likes to sit next to Damian (who got put in the middle because he’s the smallest) and they share earbuds and Duke’s phone which is loaded with like 128 hours of songs. Against popular belief, Damian is actually good at sharing when it’s not with one of his more “obnoxious” siblings and he and Duke get along really well - they also have the same music taste. Duke changes between queue-ing songs, staring out the window making little stories in his head, and watching Damian draw. He occasionally is tasked with holding the sharp objects smuggled into the car after they’re discovered by Bruce as he’s the second most responsible (after Cass).

Speaking of the most responsible sibling, Cass somehow got shotgun next to Bruce. This is because she’s the only who makes him not want to throw himself out of the car and she’s a pretty good navigator. So, as she tries to moderate the back of the car she also is in charge of agreeing on pit stops and coffee breaks which works well because Cass is fair and no one can be an asshole to her. On the first road trip Cass discovered a Wendy’s Frosty and now she will usually write at least one Wendy’s stop into the trip - no one complains except Tim who is forbidden from ordering the spicy nuggets after last years incident.

Tim, the one notorious for threatening to throw himself out of the car most often, is sat in the far back. He someone gets a row to himself under the guise of “sleeping” when in reality he spends the trip typing away on his laptop, chugging monster energy drinks, and occasionally trying to make Dick bark like a dog through some kind of sleep-manipulation he read about one night at 2am. It involves him whispering in his ear and usually ends up making the whole car uncomfortable, except Jason who thinks it’s the funniest shit ever. However, after the incident his back seat gets thoroughly checked by Bruce for stowaways every pitstop, but he’d never store a secret in the same place twice...

We move to Jason! Who sits next to Steph. They’re the snack distributors. Known for throwing popcorn in the other’s mouths but it usually ends up being thrown at Bruce, Damian, or both. Jason is a champ at fruit roll up eating competitions. He claims it’s because his tongue is so strong from eating... nevermind. Jason is surprisingly organized about the snacks, and frequently restocks (with Bruce’s credit card of course) on pit stops. Jason likes to complain early into the trip but by the end he’s telling the most fun stories, singing the loudest, and causing the most trouble. His and Steph’s row is definitely the most fun. But he’s still on the list with Bruce after helping Tim become a world class smuggler during the trip that shall not be named.

Steph is the family interpreter. She shares messages from the back to the front and vice versa. She’s known for saying the back row is hungry when it was in fact her but everyone loves her for her honesty. She’s the first to ask for a leg stretch break, and the one who puts on good songs after Dick has had the aux for too long. She’s basically the lorax of the batfam road trip. She usually makes the snack packs that are distributed throughout the car and is known for memorizing everyone’s favorites to optimize the best snacks. Steph actually wasn’t in the car for the great incident, she often questions what happened but only knows what Dick quietly whispered to her, something about feeding nuggets to a foreign passenger...

Dick, the storyteller, the terrible-music-meister, the road trip organizer himself, sits on the other side of Damian. He was the one who purposefully cleared everyone’s schedule for the weekend and who roughly planned the route. Dick works closely with Cass to make sure they’re going the right way and he also mediates all fights that occur during the trip, and trust that there are a lot. Dick is known for being restless and often throws his head out the window on the freeway “just to feel something” his quote not mine. Dick is incharge of taking all dangerous items off Damian (and sometimes Tim’s) person before the trip and he was in the most trouble when the intruders were found during last years incident. But he took it with stride and promised Bruce this year would be better!

Damian, the deeply unhappy middle seater, can be found drawing and pretending he can’t hear Grayson blabbing on about “this crazy adventure he had as Robin so sooo long ago”. Damian is known for pouting through the first stop but after he’s had some quiet time he can actually be seen with the corners of his mouth upturned- especially if they drive past farms during the trip (Cass tries extra hard to make sure they do). Damian also had been known to try to run away during stops so he’s kind of heavily watched by Bruce and Dick. Luckily, his place in the middle seat means he’s far enough away from Tim to be “bothered by his mere presence” which is a significant win and close enough to Duke and Cass to keep him sane.

We are in fact missing two main people: Babs and Alfred. These two opt to stay home, getting the much deserved break they need. They like to have tea parties, cleaning extravaganzas, and (though they won’t admit it) the occasional dance break in the batcave when no one’s looking. They like to take the batmobile to get food and their guilty pleasure is watching rom-coms on the giant screen in the batcave while eating “trashy takeaways” as Alfred so eloquently calls them. These two have the best time, but if anyone asks they were simple awaiting the rest of their families return.

That’s how I think it’d go down! Overall I think it would be chaotic but not as bad as one might think, they are family after all : )

Oh wait, I forget, there are two more stowaways...

Bart and Kon are silent, Kon mostly flies above but occasionally slips into the trunk to rest with Bart. Bart easily slips into the trunk and is quite literally gone in a flash if Bruce ever suspects anything. Just because Tim can’t hand feed him nuggets doesn’t mean the boy isn’t read for road trip part two! He just hopes Kon made a flying stop at tacobell because he’s getting kinda hungry...

“Timmmm are we there yet?”

“DID I JUST HEAR WHAT I THINK I DID TIM”

“oh my god I finally experienced the great incident but now part two!”

“hi Steph! Yeah I’m here! Sorry Brucie, but yeah, can you pass me a twizzler?”

“HOW DID YOU DO THIS AGAIN TIM I SWEAR TO-”

yup, now that’s a batfam road trip : )

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woahajimes · 3 years

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So I have this little headcanon (well,,,, not really a headcanon but more of a nice-to-think-about headcanon because it would never happen but it’s- like the title- nice to think about so im sharing it here) in which they’re all going to the beach in this sorta mini-van that bruce rented. And take in mind that this is the wayne family, but at the same time most people that wear a bat on their chest,,,, so they had to whack some things up.

BUT ANYWAYS, it was Bruce’s dumbass idea to buy a van and call it a road-trip, and honestly? no one was ready. That usually happens with big families, even with one that has most kids over 18. And how everyone was on board with the idea doesn’t matter because this is my headcanon and they are all now squished in a minivan and there are bags in the back and towels in the seats and there’s a cooler on top because it didn’t fit.

and just for reference the van was like SMALL. it was sort of like the school buses but way smaller, so they’re like buses in which there are three seats in front, driver, and then like two others (the middle one doesn’t really count because that’s where you put waterbottles and stuff). There’s a sort of space in the back, where you usually put the backpacks (these are like elementary school buses and every single kid has those backpacks with wheels and it’s a pain in the ass-) and then there is another set of four seats (that’s more like a sofa but no armrest- god please have patience there is literally not a single image on google im trying to be specific- and those are facing the back of the bus (so the backrest (?) is facing the place with the bags).

THEN we have another seat that’s close to this one but facing the opposite way but it’s only THREE seats so there’s a space for the next row of three seats and then there’s the back one that’s four again.

In conclusion, you can fit 18-ish people, driver counted.

and continuing with my story, it’s Bruce driving, Alfred as shotgun, a water-bottle or two in the middle, the bags in their respective places... and then...

disaster.

Babs is the only one sitting in the four-seat closer to the bags, harper is in the three-seat, Dick is there as well.

and then there’s the rest. Steph, Cass, Duke, Jason, Tim, Damian, they’re all screaming in the back and they’re throwing towels around and there’s an “OW! THAT WAS MY HAIR YOU DICKHEAD!” and a “THAT’S MINE!” and so many other things because. the back of the bus, it’s cURSED. And Bruce is just driving with a strained smile because he wants so badly to turn around and throw a waterbottle at each of their heads to get them to shut up (of course, it wouldn’t work because not even god can calm down the back of the bus)

Tim and Jason somehow get into this argument of how tim ‘has no friends’ and Tim shoots back that in fact he DOES, that he’s calling them right this instant. And bruce doesn’t even have a chance to yell at them, because now there’s a speedster and a cloned kryptonian right beside the moving minivan and Bruce is lowkey freaking out because none of them (the ones in the van and the ones out) are wearing their superhero costumes, and then Tim is just with his hands pressed on the window and he’s like practically banging the glass and waving and they can’t hear him but he’s like “HEY! HEY HYE HEY YOU GUYS MADE IT!!!” and then dick is just telling them to cut it out and slow down because you know, identities, and Steph is like HOLY SHIT THEY DID MAKE IT and Damian is just sitting upside down with his legs in the backrest off the seat and Duke is in the same position, making fun of Damian because his feet don’t reach.

Kon and Bart seem to get the hint because they slow down, but not before bart has literally jumped towards the MOVING VAN and vibrated through (i’m like 99% sure he is able to do that so-) and then he literally landed on Tim (tim actually softened his fall, because Tim’s back literally made a ~crack~ sound by hitting somebody’s knee) and stood up real quick and then started waving and laughing at kon, who was now running normal-speed beside the van.

And then bruce went FASTER and kon was like WHAT THE HECK OLD MAN and he can’t use his powers so he’s literally running behind the van and bart is laughing his ass off and then tim is like “BRUCE STOP THE VAN!” and then Bart is already calling cassie and telling her what happened and you can hear cassie laughing from over the phone and then Tim is just yelling at bruce in the background. Bruce eventually DOES stop, and Tim opens the door for him and Kon crawls in and Bart’s still laughing, and he’s practically leaning onto Dick and Harper, and they’re squished together and bart’s just laughing on the phone while Kon sits on the really far end of the opposite seat (practically on the door) so he’s the furthest from babs as possible because he’s actually terrified of her. Tim is just sorta awkward because he now realizes that he was a bit TOO excited to see kon, and then the back of the bus/van is staring at them and like what the hell and then Tim goes “who doesn’t have friends, huh?”, and Jason goes ‘pfft’ and he calls roy but he’s spending time with lian; he calls artemis and she goes, “but wasn’t this a family trip? what do you need me for?”, SO jaosn calls bizarro and then he barely answers the phone when bizarro goes “RED HER SAID NO. BYE” so Jason slumps and it’s quiet for a second when steph goes “is that GUM IN MY HAIR”. And then jason laughs and its chaos all over again. (i might make a ‘things that were heard from the back of the road trip bus post bc i have so many ideas oh my god)

and then they are at the beach, the bus barely stops and there’s a few bags thrown out the window, and people yelling at Kon to open the door, and Kon not being able to work under pressure so tim opens it and everyone’s pushing each other and Steph has an uneven strand of hair, because Damian went to ‘extreme measures’ and cut it so now steph’s hair is uneven and they were going to keep cutting it “to make it even” but then Alfred was like “you’re all going to clean the van afterwards so think carefully” and then nobody did anything and there’s literally a ziploc bag with steph’s strand of hair (damian didn’t even cut to where the gum was, he cut even FURTHER but yes, the gum is in the bag).

As I was saying, they get out of the van, and the bags are out and Bruce has NO IDEA what to do. none. It’s alfred that rents a tent and then Damian’s chasing duke into a random restaurant’s changeroom and showers and then cass is dragging harper that’s dragging steph that’s dragging jason and tim is getting the bags with Kon and bart and bart realizes that he doesn’t have a swimsuit and then he stops walking and Kon seems to realize too and it’s like OH MAN and they can’t run back (because no powers, rule set by bruce when two super-powered bros came in the bus) and They’ recarrying the bags to this tent (do you guys know what im talking about? i feel like we’re imagining completely different things- it’s this but much more people and there’s a bunch of people selling stuff like sunglasses and doign hair, piercings, tattoos even - for the tattoos thing it’s just promo for an actual shop they don’t tattoo you in the actual beach - ) and It’s literally Kon, tim and bart carrying the bags (which they CAN carry between the three, it’s not like they packed up half the manor) and then a minute later or so Steph is sprinting towards Tim and she’s yelling something Tim can’t understand and then Steph points at her bag (that tim’s carrying) and she screams something like “SAND! HOT!” and then she’s like high-knee-ing/sprinting even faster and Cass is just walking barefoot in the sand, super calm, but she’s got Harper on her back. Damian and Duke are racing towards the shadow (because the sand is cooler there), and next thing you know Jason’s aready in the tent with a coconut.

And if you haven’t thougth about how the Batfam would be in the beach then let me tell you, you don’t have enough spare time because i know for a FAT FACT that:

It was Jason that insisted on Bruce buying sand toys (a whole bag, i swear)

Damian tried coconut water, didn’t like it all that much (altho he loves the inside- idk what it’s called but it’s edible i swear)

Bruce put on an excessive amount of sunscreen

Duke has swimming trunks with the robin logo just to piss damian off (also Damian has matching ones but with the batman one)

Steph, Cass and Harper rented a banana boat (here’s a picture) and they dragged Jason and Tim along, just to toss them off in the end

Jason 1000% got stung by a jellyfish

Bruce bought like seven friendship bracelets from this guy that made them because they looked deadass cool

They played beach volleyball and let me tell you Damian can throw a really mean overhand serve (actually, i don’t think you THROW a serve, but like,,, serve one-)

dick got buried in the sand, courtesy of Jason

bart was pissy because he couldn’t go in the water, so he and Kon sprinted with normal speed (they both had water-proof anklets that sucked their powers, so it was REALLY a no-powers vacation, courtesy of Bruce, again.)

the only ones in stock were neon, and they settled real quick so now theyre sprinting back and cardying a bag of keychains they thought looked rad as hell and now tim caught up to them and all three are practically skipping towards the water

,,,,they forgot to put sunscreen on.... all of them,,, they forgot....

tim made a sand castle

in teams of two (kon/bart, tim/cass, duke/harper, steph/jason, dick/damian) got on each other shoulders and basically spent five minutes trying to see who would be the last team standing, splashing water everywhere and stuff

first team to go down was Dick and damian, because steph pushed damian and by trying to keep himself on Dick's shoulders, damian accidentally poked dick's eye (sort of CLAWED in so you know what i mean).

second team to go down was steph and jason, because damian doesnt play fair and so he swam down and literally just scratched Jason's ankle, knowing damn well that the jellyfish sting was there. Jaosn shrieked and steph lost her balance. so much for vigilantes at night with stealth and talent, huh.

third team to go down was tim and bart because kon insisted on being on bart’s shoulders and that’s easy peasy because i mean, bart’s not WEAK, but he’s not TALL either and it’s not like Kon weighs a feather and they’re on the deeper side,,,,, you can imagine the rest

Now there’s two teams, and they call it a tie because otherwise someone’s gonna end up injured (altho tim likes to say that he and cass won)

There’s music playing in the background, with really vulgar lyrics that alfred disapproves of, but you know. It’s not his beach.

THIS IS REALLY JUST A SCREAM POST SORRY IT’S NOT WHAT YOU GUYS SIGNED UP FOR BUT TAGLIST ANYWAYS: @red-hood-redemption @screennamealreadyused @bikoncon @catxsnow @thesporklecat @thesesickfics-justmakemesick @hauntingsonofrobin anddd i think i forgot someone sorry

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wondersinwaynemanor · 3 months

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Girls day out with Babs, Cass, Steph and Izzy

Babs: I hope you enjoyed the spa, Izzy.

Izzy: It was lovely. Thank you for the treat, Babs.

Steph: Thank God, we have a new girl to add in our squad.

Cass: It's mostly just with little brothers.

Izzy: Aww, I'm honored.

Izzy: Wait. How about the rest of your brothers' girlfriends? When will they join us? I don't recall Duke telling me-

Babs gives a soft smile, Cass giggles and Steph snickers.

Babs: I think you missed the memo.

Cass nods enthusiastically.

Izzy: Oh. I see. You mean your brothers are-

Steph: Yuppp, they are.

Izzy: That's so adorable!

Steph: Wait till Sunday brunch at the Manor and it gets corny when they talk about their bestfriends.

Cass nudges Steph's shoulder and Izzy doesn't miss when Steph gives Cass' hand a gentle squeeze as if to apologize.

Izzy: Now, I know I wasn't hallunicating or anything.

Babs: What do you mean?

Izzy: Well, that night when Duke took me home from the Manor, I swear I saw Superboy outside Tim's bedroom window and they kissed.

Cass: I knew it! I knew it!

Babs: And I knew it when Tim was lying. I called it when he deleted some footage from the camera at the garden facing his window.

Steph: Looks like we owe Cass cus she was right all along. Man, why didn't I get that???

Izzy: Do you often do this thing about your brothers?

Cass: You should join!

Steph: And we can use this information to blackmail them for something.

Cass nudges Steph's shoulder again.

Izzy: Count me in! Who we betting on next?

Babs: Well, did you know Jason's been having a crush on Roy Harper since he was a kid and we think they're together now.....

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sbd-laytall · 2 years

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there’s life in all that’s around you, you only have to let it in

Fic title is from the Freaky Friday (2018) song, “At Last It’s Me.”

How they got on the subject of rom-coms, Steph still can’t figure out. She supposes that maybe she just shouldn’t try to figure anything anymore, cause when the Bats are involved, nothing makes sense anymore.

Damian is scoffing. “Of course, you would like those infernal romance movies, Drake. You are a romantic fool.”

“Says the guy who has a cardboard cutout of Robert Pattinson under his bed,” Tim snickers. Dick promptly chokes on his banana.

Steph does not compute.

“How dare you go into my room without my permission!”

Crash on all levels.

“Well, I wouldn’t have to, if you would just stop taking my bo staff and leaving it in your room.”

Reboot initiated.

“Why on earth would I want your weapon, idiot?”

Reboot failed.

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

Requires more information for reboot.

Steph cuts in, “I’m sorry, but can we just talk about the fact that Damian has a cardboard cutout of Robert Pattinson?”

Cass asks confusedly, “What's there to talk about?"

Information not given for reboot.

Backup generator online.

Steph has to strain to understand Cass because of the cereal in her mouth.

Despite the fact that Steph knows that Babs taught her basic manners, Cass still talks with food in her mouth. Come to think of it, Cass may be doing it on purpose.

Steph catches the smirk on Cass's face. Yeah, she's definitely doing it on purpose.

Even so, the Alfred in Steph’s mind recoils at the sight. Steph absentmindedly wonders if everybody has some sort of an Alfred in their mind.

Probably not. Not everybody has the special brand of fucked up the Bats seem to share.

I mean, they’re in a cave, eating breakfast, while discussing rom-coms. There’s nothing more weird than that.

Steph shakes herself out of her thoughts, as she tries to catch Dick’s reply. “Uh, maybe the fact that he likes to scare people with it?”

Tim loses his glare as he asks, “How does he-?”

“Sometimes, Damian puts it near the top of the staircase to scare people,” Duke explains.

Dick takes over, “Because you can’t see it while walking up the staircase, it sort of just appears out of nowhere.”

“That is incorrect. I use it to help with practicing constant vigilance. God knows how shit you all are at checking your surroundings,” Damain cuts in, as he too loses his glare.

Steph wonders if Damian will ever stop being a smartass. He’d probably die first, Steph chuckles to herself.

Cass sets down her bowl. She cracks her knuckles and smirks. “He did do that to me once, but not anymore.”

“Huh, so that’s why Robert Pattinson looked really beat up,” Tim muses.

“It’s a good thing that Cass stopped that. I swear, I got a heart attack every time.”

Duke snickers, “Oh, come on Dick. It’s not that bad.”

Steph cut in once more, as a thought just occurs to her. “Are you seriously telling me that everyone knew about Robert Pattinson but me?”

They all shrugged. “Babs?” Barbara looked over from her computer, where she had been studiously ignoring them.

She says, in the most non-fucking-chalant tone that Steph has ever heard, “I was the one who taught him how to order things without Bruce noticing.”

Steph was offended on so many levels. Damian was practically her baby brother. She should’ve known this. She could’ve made fun of him for it long ago. So many missed opportunities!

Damian rolls his eyes. “You’re all idiots.” Cass squints her eyes at Damian. “Except for Cain.”

“Nice save.”

“Choke on shit and die, Drake!”

"Yeah, well-"

For once in his nerdy little life, Tim falls silent. Why? Because Bruce just walked through the entrance.

Or, more aptly Batman. Steph thinks that if Alfred would let him, Bruce would never take off his suit.

He must’ve felt their heavy stares because he stops right in his tracks. No one moves an inch. The only sound is the heavy breathing of the bats and "The Bats".

It is as if everything is frozen. The air is tense with anticipation. The kids wondering who will speak first. Then-

“Who is Robert Pattinson?”

-‐-------------------------------------------------

I'd like to dedicate this to some good friends: @paladin-of-nerd-fandom65 and @butchest-lesbianest-grandaddiest

You don't have to read it, but I hope you know, you definitely helped inspire my writing.

#probably the most ooc thing I've ever made but it wouldn't leave my brain #stephanie brown #tim drake #damian wayne #damian al ghul #dick grayson #cassandra cain #barbara gordon #duke thomas #batfam #my fic #fanfiction #fic #my writing #dc comics #my post

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awhitehead17 · 3 years

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Batfam Alphabet: I - Injuries

Summary: When an offhand comment gets made about who receives the most injuries a big debate takes place to discuss this. Unable to agree on anything, the Bats decide to keep score of who gets the most injuries over the next 12 months. The results may surprise you.

Enjoy! :D

The blissful silence within his apartment is rudely interrupted by the shrill of his phone suddenly ringing inside his pocket. Jason groans. Five minutes. Why couldn’t he just get five minutes of peace? Was that so much to ask for?

Cursing every god imaginable, Jason digs through his pocket until he finds and receives the device before scowling upon seeing the caller ID. Answering the call, he brings it up to his ear and doesn’t hesitate to snap a greeting, making it clear he isn’t pleased about being disturbed. “What do you want?”

“So there’s been a situation…” a hesitant voice speaks up on the other side of the phone.

Jason reaches up and pinches the bridge of his nose. That sentence alone is enough to start giving him a headache.

“How the fuck is there a situation? I left you guys not even fifteen minutes ago! I thought you were heading back to the cave?”

“Yeah, we were, but on the way back we heard gun shots and we found a gang fight happening. We intervened but while fighting Nightwing unfortunately got stabbed.”

Being told his brother has been stabbed makes Jason pause. There’s a remark on the end of his tongue that desperately wants to slip out but he doesn’t know if this is the right time for it. The tone of voice on the other side of the line makes it difficult to determine how serious the situation is.

“How bad is it?”

“Oh not that bad!” Tim chirps, Jason could now hear the amusement lacing his tone. “It’s just a stab wound on the thigh, more of a scratch than anything. Won’t need stitches or nothing. I figured I’d ring you to let you know because this now changes the board.”

Jason breathes out a long sigh and feels the tension leave his body. At least it’s not life threatening. This fucking family, he swears to God, if he hadn’t already been sent to an early grave he certainly would be now.

“So it’s enough to warrant a mark on the board?” Jason questions eagerly, already knowing what impact the answer will have. Now he knows it’s not serious he can think about other things.

“Oh yeah definitely.” Tim claims and Jason could easily hear the smile in his voice. “Even when it happened he muttered a curse and mentioned how it’s unfair because that now puts you ahead of him.”

At that Jason cackles. He bids his brother a goodbye before hanging up. Still laughing Jason moves through his apartment to his kitchen, digging through one of the draws he pulls out a large whiteboard and makes the needed changes to it.

This is something they all came up with at the start of the year from an offhand comment about who gets the most/least injuries out of their family. The comment triggered off a big debate and the result of it was to keep score of who gets the most injuries in the next 12 months.

They do not count life threatening injuries, because believe it or not they are not assholes and it wouldn’t be fair or even funny. Any minor injury can count (or at least minor for them). Any injuries done outside of the costume also count.

There are only a couple months left of the year but it’s currently pretty tight between most of them. Surprisingly Steph is winning with the least number of injuries so far. Following her, again surprisingly, is Damian. After him is Harper, Duke, Tim and then Jason. With his new injury today that puts Dick in last place, officially making Jason second to last. They hadn’t included Cass because firstly she didn’t want to be involved and secondly anytime she does get injured, which is extremely rare, it’s usually serious, so they collectively decided to not have Cass participate. Babs wasn’t interested and made it very clear on what her opinions of the competition was.

Before the new injury, Jason and Dick were in joint last place. His older brother now sustaining a new non-life-threatening injury changes the board. Jason couldn’t be happier, now he just has to make sure to not get injured at all in the next couple of months.

That in itself will be a challenge, but one not to be beaten easily Jason is up for it. He doesn’t care where he comes on the board, just as long as he beats Dick that’s all that matters.

---------

Like most of the year, the last few months fly by and before Jason knows it, it’s New Year’s Eve and he’s attending a party with all of his friends and family.

While the party is being hosted at Wayne Manor, so somewhere familiar, there’s tension in the air which can be felt no matter where you go. To most it’s probably the anticipation of midnight approaching, that excitement that comes along with the clock striking twelve and the supposedly start of something new.

To Jason, however, it’s a count down until the results are revealed.

Jason has a vague idea of what the final results are going to be, after all he kept track of everything himself. Then again, it’s vague because he’s been away on a mission for the last three weeks only having gotten back two days ago. He hasn’t yet had a chance to catch up with everything that may have happened in those weeks he had been gone. For all he knows the board may have changed significantly and he wouldn’t have a clue.

Not long before midnight, Jason soon finds himself in the library with his siblings and friends. They’re scattered around the room sitting on the sofas and the floor with the news on in the background.

Cass stands front and center with a white board in hand ready to announce the results of who has sustained the least and the greatest number of injuries in the past year. They asked Cass to announce it as she hadn’t taken part, that way it’s fair and not biased.

Looking around the room Jason could see a variety of facial expression on his siblings faces. Some wearing smirks, like they know exactly what the results are, while other’s wear an expression of anticipation, clearly unsure on where they’ve come on the board.

Cass announces the names in ascending order, starting with last place first. To Jason’s absolute delight, Dick is in last place. He’s so happy to hear that he had beaten his brother in getting less injuries than him in a year. Dick simply sends Cass a tight smile and nod, obviously knowing he had lost before anything was declared.

After Dick is Jason. If he’s being honest, Jason is actually happier about that than the principle of being second to last, he beat Dick and that’s all that mattered. He certainly made sure Dick was aware of his delight.

After Jason is Duke, followed by Steph which was a surprise considering she had been in first for a really long time. Apparently she had a bad couple of months, reckless behaviour and stupid mistakes eventually added to her total therefore dropping her down the leader board.

Taking third place is Damian. Jason looks over at where he’s sat and he finds the kid fuming, clearly unhappy with his final position. In second place is Tim, which seems to surprise almost everyone, including Tim himself. The teenager sits on the sofa looking completely baffled but thrilled at the news. That finally leaves Harper taking first place as the person to have the least number of injuries in the past year. She jumps up to her feet yelling with joy and dancing around the room excitedly.

After the scores are announced Cass gives out little awards just as something extra which makes it all the more entertaining.

The most out-of-costume injuries award goes to Tim, who instantly claims that most of his injuries are because his best friends are meta’s and because he skateboards. No one believes the excuses however they don’t call him out on it.

The most ridiculous injury goes to Dick, who then explains how he got said injury. Apparently he miscalculated a jump when chasing someone and ended up scraping his side on a metal bin. Everyone stares at him after that story, wondering how such an experienced vigilante and acrobat even does that.

The most badass injury goes to Steph. She had gotten into a fist fight in the middle of the mall after some guys started shouting out vulgar language. Not taking any of their shit Steph beat them all to a pulp but not without taking some collateral damage herself. That award felt well deserved though it could have gone to someone else.

After wrapping up their competition they all decide to stay in the library and chill. They cheer for the new year when the clock strikes twelve and all exchange “happy new year’s.” They don’t go adventuring out to the party again which inevitably leads to Bruce hunting for them, out of worry or suspicion Jason’s not sure but when his adoptive father eventually walks into the library he’s met with a loud chorus of greetings

Bruce studies the group with narrowed eyes in suspicion. He meets each of their gazes before straightening up and leveling them all a glare.

“What’s going on? I haven’t seen any of you in a few hours only to find you all gathered in here, not fighting may I add. What have you done?”

Dick’s the first to respond. Being the oldest of the group he probably feels inclined to, especially when no one else offers up an explanation. “Wow Bruce, give us a benefit of the doubt would you, we’re simply enjoying being with one another for a change. New year and all that. Who knows, this may the start of something new.”

Bruce’s disbelieving expression conveys perfectly what he thinks of that explanation.

The room falls silent as they all stare at one another. Gestures and nods are shared between them as they try to get someone else to speak up but everyone stays silent, no one saying a peep. They never told Bruce about the competition; they really don’t know how the man would take the news but they’re all certain it wouldn’t be taken well. He definitely wouldn’t see the funny side of the whole thing, even if they explain the rules to it and how they’re not actually assholes and wouldn’t include life threatening wounds to the count.

In the end it doesn’t matter because eventually Bruce puts his hands up and shakes his head. “You know what, I don’t want to know. Whatever it is just keep it to yourselves and if you make a mess, clean it up. The less I know the better.”

With no more words Bruce turns around and leaves the room. For several moments after the man’s sudden departure they each exchange baffled looks, silently questioning what just happened. It stays like that for a while until several members of the family simultaneously shrug. The action causes an eruption of laughter and all of them end up cackling until they couldn’t breathe and had tears running down their faces.

#batfam alphabet #Jason Todd #Tim Drake #dick grayson #Damian Wayne #cassandra cain #Stephanie Brown #bruce wayne #injuries #sibling relationship #batfamily #batfam #injury competition #competitive siblings #sorry for the terrible ending #this turned out to be more crack than anything else #fanfiction

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internalsealpanic · 3 years

Text

Respectful Cannibalism

Summary: Watching mystery movie with a bunch of detective was a bad idea

A/n: While this is part 3 to my Space Case series, you’re not required to read Art Gallery Smile or Cosmonauts to understand the context to this. The only note I do have is that Dick and Steph are friends with Reader much to Tim’s everlasting horror. Special thanks to @littleredwing89 and @glorified-red for proof reading this mess.

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff and a confusing amount of batkids in one scene.

Main Masterlist

Tim Drake Masterlist

Tim coughs, loud and ragged into the speaker. You find yourself wincing at the phone tucked against your ear. Tim sounds like he’s dying or, at the very least, he’s on his way there.

“I’m so-”

“Fucking tired of saying sorry that you decided to go skinny dipping in Gotham Harbor? Yeah. Great, I’m sick of hearing it too. Glad, we’re on the same page, Space Cadet.” You exasperate, pulling on your jeans violently enough for Tim to hear the angry shuffling of fabric.

“Skinny dipping?” Tim huffs, a fond smile playing on his lips as he drinks in the timber of your voice. Even when you were absolutely exasperated, your voice was still soothing or maybe he just misses your company. God, he’s such a sap.

You shake your head in disbelief. That was his take away? “Yes, Timmy, Buck-ass skinny dipping,” you laugh, coming out derisive and sharp. Tim groans this time filled with guilt. The first few sounds of another ‘I’m sorry’ form in the back of his throat as he runs his hand through his bed head. For once, you’re thankful that you’re nowhere near Tim because you are one apology away from decking him and you’re pretty sure that that’s a terrible thing to do to a sick person, especially one with no brain cells to spare.

“I- You were really looking forward to this (Y/n), don’t try to deny it.” You weren’t going to. He was right. You were looking forward to this date. You were impossibly, unreasonably giddy over the prospect of going to the planetarium with Tim this afternoon. WITH Tim. Sure, you’re pretty down about it but you were the tiniest bit more concerned about the fact that your boyfriend had water in his lungs and almost died of hypothermia for a hot second. You pinch the bridge of your nose, hoping that worry and murder radiate off of you in equal measure. “I was also looking forward to my letter from Hogwarts,” you sneer, pausing dramatically to look at your watch, “and it’s been roughly a decade.” You hear Tim swallow and the hairs on your neck bristle in petty satisfaction.

Tim chortles, a lively sound that startles you, then coughs but the sound comes out somehow sounding doubtful and teasing. Embarrassment flares up in you. “You were too!” you protest, hackles drawn to full height. A short breathy laugh leaves Tim and you feel the flush on your face ease into something softer and more rounded. All the sharpness in your veins dissipates as the flash of fondness for that stupid laugh takes over. You can imagine him warm under the covers smiling at the phone at your blunder. “Please, (y/n), my hopes were dashed when I was 4 and still not in the Jedi order.”

“Bullshit, you were never a child,” you snort, sharpening the grin on your face into something vicious. “I refuse to believe you were ever a child! You probably sprang out of a textbook fully formed- Wait, I’m getting off-topic. ” Tim hums innocently and you narrow your eyes at the phone, hoping he can feel the ‘I am revoking your breathing privileges’ look. “You always are.” Tim says before falling into a coughing fit.

“Sorry, Cosmo, I just keep getting lost in your eyes,” you whisper, pitching your voice rich and caramel smooth. There’s a sound on the other line. Tim is babbling you realize. You hear a shuffle of fabric and a body rising. Tim sucks in a breath, red-faced and caught off guard by the sudden shift in tone. He can practically see the cocky grin playing on your face, the light of the sun reflecting as golden flecks in your eyes. “You can’t even see them!” Tim stammers, glowering at you through the phone. You cackle at him as if sensing the venomous look he’s giving you. “You can barely open them!” Tim rolls his, very much, open eyes, falling back into an unnecessarily large pile of pillows that Alfred insisted was necessary for bed rest with a loud ‘fwoof’. “Yes, I can,” Tim mumbles, sounding young for once. You do your level best to smother a grin on your face. “I’m just really drowsy from the chamomile tea Alfie gave me.” You stop dead in your tracks, one hand half in your coat the other on the doorknob. You blink. “You’re at the Manor?”

Tim pauses, making a frustrated noise. He shouldn’t have said that. “Dick and B… insisted.” This draws another one of your sharp laughs. He says insisted as if it was ever negotiable. “Did they ‘insist’ before or after they blow-dried and hung you out to dry?” Tim squawks and you hear shuffling again. Tim tries to remember why he doesn’t hate you. “Tell me again how you found out about me getting sick? Steph? Cass?”

“Hmmmmmm, Dick.”

“THAT TRAITOR”

“Funny way to pronounce older brother,” you hum smug. You can feel Tim glaring daggers at you. “You-”

“There’s a home theater, yeah?”

Tim pauses, this time longer. “I don’t like where this is going.”

“Answer the question, Space Case.”

He sighs. “Yes.”

“Great! It’s a date then,” you say, mentally preparing a route to the Manor from the vague directions Steph told you once. You could just use the maps app-

“NO!” You freeze. Tim flinches at the volume of his own voice. He whispers an indiscernible ‘I’m sorry’. You turn it over in your mind before speaking. “No?” You ask, trying your best to sound hurt instead of amused. Maybe you should have pitched your voice higher, more shaky. “Look, Tim, I-” Tim heaves a loud sigh. “-(Y/n), you’re fine-” Well, you aren’t, you think. You bite your tongue, physically to make sure you don’t say anything unnecessary. “-It’s got nothing to do with you. It’s- It’s just my siblings...” Tim knows that his siblings have been talking about you.

“Timmy, I can take whatever shovel talk they can give me,” you say with the confidence of someone who has never been dangled over the edge of a roof top. Ok, to be fair, YOU had nothing to worry about. Tim, on the other hand, was going to get roasted alive. Maybe he can persuade you into not- Tim hears the tell tale sputtering of your bike’s engine and he feels his blood pressure spike. The engine genuinely sounds like a death rattle.

“You’ll get sick.”

You swear and he hears another sputter of the engine. “You’ll get sick,” he croaks again, louder this time hopefully over the dying engine. Maybe if your engine dies right now, he’ll be spared from a slow agonizing death via siblings. “Relax Cosmo, I have the strongest ward against whatever you got,” you say, giving the engine a light kick. Tim hears a few metallic clunks then the engine stutters to life. Tim looks up past the ceiling trying to glare at whatever cosmic being resurrected your engine.

“Which is...”

“Being broke. It does wonders for your health.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s how it works,” Tim says, shifting burying his head against the too soft pillows. The soft fabric makes his eyes feel heavy. He yawns. He hears the sputter or your laugh. It’s hard to tell from the sudden drowsiness making his head swim.

“I promise I’ll explain to your typical rich kid ass when I get there, Tim.”

“That’s not how it works,” Tim slurs, face pressed into a pillow.

You laugh, he’s sure this time.

“I’m-” Tim’s mind unfocuses and the words you say garble together ”-Tim. ”

Tim blinks, mouth moving to ask you to repeat that but the last thing he hears is a soft click.

On the bright side, it would just be him and Alfred at the manor.

_________________________________________________________

Batmanisfake: I heard (y/n)'s coming over😶

Nightwingingit:👀 How do you even know that?

Batmanisfake: What are you? A cop?

Nightwingingit: say that again but slowly 🙄

Batmanisfake: ...

Damian: He bugged Drake's phone. For blackmail purposes, of course.

Nightwingingit: JASON

The Cool One: Shush Dick! He's onto something

Batmanisfake: Thank you

The Adult: I for once had nothing to do with it😌

Theactualbatman: I'm assuming we're all coming home tonight?

The Cool One: I'll bring popcorn

Damian: Nonsense Pennyworth will likely have some prepared

The Cool One:😭 We really do not deserve that man

Nightwingingit: Definitely

thesaneone: We're recording Tim's face when he sees us, right?

Batmanisfake: From all angles

The Adult: You're all horrible

Batmanisfake: Please like you're not hacking into the cameras as we speak, Babs

The Adult: You have no proof👀

_________________________________________________________

Tim’s head felt thick and gooey like one of Alfred’s custards. He feels like he’s floating, like he’s in a fish tank. There’s a sickly Chlorine smell clogging his nostrils; it smells powdery and sterile and reminds him vaguely of aspirin. Tim blinks. His eyes hurt; they feel puffy and sore and hot. His vision is further obscured by a thick layer of fleece blankets Alfred had piled high over him. He shuts his eyes still feeling too overwhelmed by the low light coming from the window.

Tim thinks he hears his window open with a soft click. Tim quiets his breathing. His hearing is too muddled to process anything beyond it. There’s a soft thud of heavy boots in the room; it’s imperceptible and dreamlike the way it reaches his ears that it has him shifting under the covers trying his best to discern the sound. A dozen lighter footsteps follow it and he can sense 6 shapeless bodies hovering over him.

“Should we wake him up?” asks a voice that vaguely sounds like Cass.

There’s a shuffling sound. Leather, he thinks. “Wait, lemme take a picture.”

“Red, why? It’s not like you can blackmail him with pictures of him sleeping.”

“Because, flashlight, I need proof that Timbo sleeps. ”

“Because?”

“Ok, how many times have you seen him asleep?”

“Uh...”

“Exactly!”

Tim hears a laugh that distinctly sounds like Dick. “Does it count if Alfie drugged him?”

“Maybe?” Steph says, shrugging.

“It doesn’t, Brown.”

“Damn it.”

“Does that mean B doesn’t sleep?”

“Nope.”

Maybe if Tim keeps sleeping, they’ll go away on their own. Tim wraps the sheets tightly around himself, hoping the large stack of fleece would be enough to muffle his siblings.

“I’m pretty sure I have dibs on waking him for opening the window for you shits.”

“Red, anyone could have opened that,” Duke laughs, stepping slightly behind Cass, who at the moment was paying more attention to the moving pile of fabric. Maybe if Tim stays really still she’ll turn her attention to something else.

“Cass and Dickface would have just broken it.‘

“I would not!”

“Sorry, Cass, you would.”

“Steph, whose side are you on?”

“Why is no one defending me?” Dick sighs.

“No one cares, Dickface. And Blondie’s clearly playing for the right team-” Steph cackles. “-none of you have any finesse.”

“Not all of us can be drama queens, Todd.”

“You’re like the third to the last person I wanna hear this from.”

“Third? You’re ranking us now? Who gave you the right?”

“Alfred,” Jason deadpans, “And yeah. Bruce and Dick are first and second.”

“Hey!”

“Can it Mr. Pretty Man Down.”

“That was one-”

“What rank am I?”

“uh … fifth.”

“Fifth?!”

“Sorry, Blondie, Cass has you beat with that ballet kick thingy.”

“Ok, yeah I can accept that. What about Babs?”

“What about Babs? The woman can kick my ass six ways to Sunday. ”

Tim’s head throbs all over. There are soft pin pricks pressing on the sole of his left foot; his leg jerks involuntarily. He wants to scream. Tim swears under his breath. A gloved hand pries the covers away from Tim’s face. Tim squints his eyes open only to be greeted by Dick’s kind, but still very punchable, face. Tim takes a long rasp, pinching his features in a mix of annoyance and despair. “Why are you-” Cough! “-here?”

There’s a slight quirk to Dick’s smile.“They wanted to meet (y/n),” Dick explains in a sweeping theatrical motion of his hand across the room directing Tim’s attention to the expressions on his sibling’s expressions which were all a variation of devious scheming.

“How did-” cough. “- you even know-” cough. “-(y/n) was coming?” Tim asks, shooting up from his pile of pillows causing a couple of blankets to topple to the floor to the ground. Tim’s lightheaded. He suddenly feels a shift in his balance, a feeling of vertigo. He nearly topples to the ground, his blood not quite catching up to his movements, when feels hands wrap around his shoulders. “Woah there Baby Bird, slowdown.”

“Answer-” Cough!

“It was Todd.”

“You mutant sperm!”

“Jay, aren’t we all mutant sperm?” Steph laughs, slinging one arm over an irate Damian’s shoulders and another over a fuming Jason’s shoulders. Tim groans, sounding pained. “How much do I need to pay each of you to get all of you to go away?”

“A lifetime of IOUs,” Dick says, casually.

“NO!”

“All of your share in W.E.,” Duke says, laughing. Steph elbows him lightly, also laughing. “You’re shooting prelow there, Slick,” Steph teases. Duke shrugs still grinning. “Gotta keep it realistic, yanno?” Steph and Duke keep bickering.

“Drake, kindly, pay with your life.”

Tim scrunches his nose. “I’m already on my deathbed, you know, dying. What else do you want from me?”

“A more agonizing death.”

Jason grins, tilting his chin. “C’mon, Timbo, we can help with your little impromptu date.” Tim groans, placing his face in his hands. “Please just help me dig my own grave.”

“What would be the fun in that, Timbo?”

“For you or for me?”

“Come on, Tim, it’ll be fine,” Cass says, clearly not believing the words herself. All seven of them dissolve into another round bickering. Damian, Jason, and Steph hellbent on giving Tim an aneurysm. Duke and Cass playing at being neutral; Duke leaning on Tim’s side but laughing way too hard at Steph’s well placed jabs; Cass is only mildly siding with Tim to spite Jason. Why this time? Tim has no clue.

The string of banter is broken up by the echoing the doorbell. Tim’s heart seizes as they all fall silent, enraptured by the odd sound of a doorbell filling the hallowed halls of Wayne Manor. The chiming of bells ends with the creaking of the large oak doors in the front of the manor.

Before Tim’s sluggish brain could even formulate a thought, all of his siblings are all bounding towards the door, bouncing off the walls and flipping over obstacles. Tim scrambles, lagging, after the hoard of vigilantes barrelling towards you. Tim tries to shout after his siblings but his voice is drowned out by raucous laughter and bickering.

You stand at the door, head haloed by the pale afternoon light as the sky catches fire, flecks of snow sparkling in your hair. You tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear as you sheepishly thank Alfred as he takes your coat.

Tim struggles to breathe an he genuinely doesn’t know if it’s because of his lungs, you, or the fact that of all his siblings, Babs was the one who got there first and Tim genuinely doesn’t know if Babs is there to hold off the gaggle of vigilantes or to scare you off. From the jovial grin wrinkling your features, Tim’s pretty sure Babs just gave you some blackmail material instead of putting you through the ringer- an equally scary outcome. For your part, you don’t look even slightly phased by the fact that Babs is in a wheelchair or even by the way she’s clearly sizing you up. All of this rolls off of you with an easy motion of your shoulders as you answer her questions in the most frustratingly oblique way based off of Babs’s expression. Tim can’t help the curve on his lip as you blatantly dodge another of Babs’s questions with a smile. You spot him, winking, and the tips of Tim’s ears flush.

Your cocky demeanor fades when a gaggle of batbrats crowd you; nervousness creeps into your form, ironing out your posture into something unnatural and defensive. “Is this a bad time?” You ask through a tight lipped smile. Babs glares at them but doesn’t make any effort to hide the satisfaction at your shaken demeanor. “Don’t mind them, Sweetie,” Babs says, patting your back and guiding you away from the gaggle. You shuffle awkwardly, trying to coax your spine back into a more natural curve.

“(Y/n)!” Tim manages between gasps for air. Making a person with non functioning lungs run has to be some sort of human rights violation. His voice is louder than he anticipated. He realizes, but the apprehension in his body flits away when you beam at him-a wide cheeky smile that has his body vibrating with delight. He made you smile like that, Tim thinks, heart swelling almost enough to soften the impact of the next few words. “Hey, Duckie!” you chirp tilting your face in a cute lopsided smile.

“Duckie?” Jason sniggers.

Duke’s face passess from confusion, realization, then amusement in a matter of three seconds.“Duckie? As in ‘quack quack’?” Duke asks, pretending to still be dumbstruck.

“Yes, Duckie, Tommy Terrific,” you say, the lopsided smile curving into a playful grin. The dumb nicknames earn you a loud, surprisingly nonthreatening, approving laugh from Jason who then says “We’ll keep those nicknames in mind” which just drags pained looks from both Tim and Duke. Dick and Damian on the other hand look absolutely delighted.

“(Y/n), tell them about the other nicknames,” Steph says, grinning savagely. Your eyes widen and you wrinkle your nose, mouth twitching from side to side, trying to pretend away the heat rising from your cheeks. “Not on your life, Stephie.”

“Aaaaaw! Not even for lil ol’ me?” Dick pouts, throwing his arms around you. The familiarity of the action has Tim bristling. “Pleeeeeaaase,” Dick whines; a smile hidden in your hair, “not even for Alfred’s cookies?” You make a noise caught between a laugh and a groan. “Hmmmm… maybe? Throw in some candy.”

“Deal.”

Tim blinks. “You’d betray me for sugar?”

“Cus I ain’t getting any while you’re sick,” you cackle, grinning along with Dick who looks way too pleased with the outcome of the conversation. Tim desperately wants to melt into the floor. Looking at all his siblings who are eagerly awaiting for the litany of nicknames, Tim cuts in. “Let’s just go watch that film.”

“What are we watching?” Cass asks, leaning to look over your shoulder, clearly shoving Dick out of the way. Dick does his best to not budge.

“What do you mean ‘we’?”

“We are under a communist regime, Timbo. We’re all watching it together,” Jason says, slinging Tim over his shoulder.

“Have a heart, Drake. We only want to spend family time together,” Damian says, somehow still looking imperious even from where Tim is dangling. A dull ache starts spreading across Tim’s like his skull is being squeezed.

“Hope you guys like Clue,” you say, fishing it out of your cornucopia of unhealthy junk food. “I figured you detectives would like a good mystery.” Dick snorts taking the disc from you and reading over the contents efficiently. “Bet you I can get the ending even before any of you.”

“No, you won’t,” Jason barks, setting off a long winded argument about who the best detective is.

“Didn’t you say you would eat me if I spoiled another mystery movie for you? Are you planning to eat my entire family?” Tim croaks quietly. You scrunch your nose, twitching your mouth four times to the left and four and a half times to the right. “Technically, what I said was ‘I’ll respectfully go back to juvie for cannibalism if you spoil another movie that night’,” you hiss low, trying not to draw attention to your conversation. Unfortunately for you, his siblings have good hearing.

“And this is different how?” Tim asks, this time not bothering to control his volume.

“You’ll never figure out the ending,” You say smiling innocently. Tim rolls his eyes and huffs a ‘we’ll see’. It doesn’t wipe the smile off of your face.

As it turns out, the Wayne Manor theater is less of a theater and more of a bean bag storage closet with a large screen. Jason tosses Tim unceremoniously into one of the random bean bags in front of the couch before gracefully pirouetting into the couch. You chuckle and continue your search for something to put your Bluray in, just now realizing that you should have probably just asked for their Netflix password or something. Alfred appears out of nowhere handing Jason and Cass each a bowl of buttery popcorn and scolding Jason about manhandling his brother in front of a guest. Jason looks unrepentant. No surprises there. With a swat on the back of Jason’s head, Alfred turns to you, gloved hands extended out to you. “I can take that."

“Oh… Uh thanks- Thank you,” you stammer. To your left, Tim snickers and your hand slip, somehow the blanket Babs handed you finds its way to Tim’s face. “Shut up, Ducktective. He’s practically your grandpa and I kinda wanna make a good impression,” you hiss, cheeks warming. Tim coughs, a little dumbfounded. Somehow it hadn’t occurred to him that you were nervous about this.

Tim checks if his brain is on straight before speaking. “Relax, you haven’t physically assaulted me or any of my family yet so you’re immediately at the top of Alfie’s list.” You open your mouth to speak then curl it into a frown, looking appalled and concerned. Apparently, his brain wasn't on as straight as Tim thought. "Am I going to have to fight your exes? At some point?"

"No!"

"Yes!" Steph says, handing you a red bean bag. Tim scowls at Steph as he watches the color drain from your face. She just shrugs and goes off to annoy Dick.

“Mr. Boddy?” Damian asks incredulously, reading the box summary again. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope,” you laugh, setting your bean bag next to the one Jason dropped Tim in. Damian rolls his eyes. “This is a stupid movie. Do people really consume this drivel?”

You scrunch your nose but don’t put too much heart into glaring. Thankfully, color is now returning to your face. “The movie hasn’t even started yet!”

“Relax (y/n), the tiny mutant sperm is just playing elitist,” Steph says, plopping next to Jason and eyeing his bowlful of buttery popcorn.

“As long as it isn’t as bad as the Happening-”

“Dude, you live in a city with Poison Ivy. That thing is pretty much a documentary,” Duke says hesitantly taking the spot between Steph and Cass.

"Please, for the love of Alfie, please, talk about something else," Dick whines, plopping a bean bag next to Tim. Jason’s face twists in confusions before his eyes light up and untwists into an expression with amusement. "Is it because of the-" Dick hits him square in the face with a pillow, all the while screeching "Think of the children!"

"Where, Dickface?" Jason ask, prompting Dick to point(jazz hands) at Damian who rolls his eyes. Jason does the same, looking younger than the toughened exterior suggested. "That's a gremlin, Dickface. Not a child."

"He is-"

"SHUSH! The movie is starting!"

You giggle, curling into Tim's side and placing your head in the crook of his neck where you usually like to put it. Tim's insides shiver from the contact and his hands automatically coil around you, pressing his nose into your hair.

"Jeez, her melons are big," Babs says flatly taking another handful of Dick's popcorn from Damian. Cass snorts and Tim feels embarrassment creep into his skin. He flicks his eyes to you, only to find you smiling into his side.

"They're almost as big as Dick's," you chuckle.

"Nah, Jason is bigger," Cass pipes.

You eye Jason openly which makes the large man cross his arms over his chest. "Huh, you're right," you note with more confusion than anything.

"Bruce has moobs too!" Jason protests, red-faced.

"Son, why?"

The chatter falls silent when the figure at the edge of the room settles itself into the large leather recliner in one corner of the room. You squint your eyes to distinguish its features from the rest of the shadows in the room; only to be greeted by the solemn features of Bruce Wayne. Your breath catches and you feel your skin jump twenty feet in the air. Everyone else in the room seems to have about the same reaction even as he pulls a lever to raise the foot rest. You all follow his movements with interest.

“Is Bruce trying to relax?” Duke whispers to Cass who shrugs in response. Steph rolls her eyes, reaching over Duke to try and snatch some popcorn from Jason who just raises his bowl higher. “Shhhhh, Duke, let the B man try to play human,” she says, snatching at the popcorn til the bowl just falls on Jason’s head.

“He’s trying I guess.” This draws a startled chuckle out of you that you try to press in Tim’s neck. The vibrations against his skin has him shivering.

“B, are you ok?” Dick asks. This makes Bruce’s features move in a slightly concerned fashion which in Bruce speak is very concerned. “Yes, why?”

“Ooooh, no reason, old man.” He turns to Babs. “Yeah that’s not Bruce. Five bucks says it’s a robot.” Babs snickers, grabbing a ten from her purse. “Ten says it’s an alien.” You twist to look at them, taking out a twenty. “Twenty says it’s just Mr.Wayne.” Jason sneers at you, taking your money. “You clearly don’t know the old man.”

“Can we please just watch this film in peace?” Bruce groans, running a hand over his face, finally looking more like the long suffering single dad of eight kids that he should be. Babs looks over her shoulder, slinging Bruce an absolutely disbelieving look. “Do you even know your children?”

“Yes, father, have you even watched us bond?” Damian asks, using his free hand to do air quotes for the word ‘bond’ while using the other to try and swipe some popcorn from Cass. It doesn’t work.

“That definitely isn’t Bruce,” Dick hisses, trying to shield his own bowl of popcorn from an irate Damian.

“SHHHHHH! I can’t hear the movie!”

“It’s definitely the butler,” Dick declares. Damian scowls, throwing a pillow at him which Dick catches with ease. “Grayson, the movie has barely started.”

“It’s definitely the butler. It’s gotta be. It’s always the butler.”

“That’s very offensive to Alfred, Dick,” Cass says, grinning. Alfred sniffs poshly in his own recliner. Dick recoils but Jason piles on. “Very classist of you, Dickiebird.”

Duke snorts. “Nah, I think he’s just saying it because Tim Curry was Pennywise the Clown.”

“Why would you trust a clown?”

“Oh my god, why are you guys comparing Alfred to a clown?”

“We are not!”

“This conversation is a trainwreck,” Tim groans into your hair. “Dunno, Tim, it sounds like a success,” you laugh, pressing closer. His eyes flick between you and his siblings. “You planned this.” You look up at him, failing to flatten a smile. “Nope.”

“I say it’s Ms. Scarlett,” Bruce says, rubbing his chin contemplatively.

“You’re just saying that cus she reminds you of Selina,” Tim huff, grinning and you’re half tempted to pinch his cheeks. Bruce cuts him a scathing look that has you shrinking; the grin on Tim’s face just broadens which just makes the playful scowl on Bruce’s face deepen. “Need I remind you who pays for the internet?”

“Alfred?” Tim asks, innocently.

“Careful Tim, B man might actually do it. Hell, he’ll probably do it if he finds out what you did last Thursday.”

“Do you mean the explosion on Fifth?” you ask, turning to Steph. Steph gives you a firm nod; in the corner of your eye, you can see Bruce arching a brow. Tim gapes at you looking absolutely gutted. “What happened to snitches get stitches?” Tim protests.

You shrug, grinning. “Sorry, Duckie, I stand by my cookie dealer. Who do you think sneaks Duke and me cheetos in Western Civilization? I stand by my fellow barbarian.”

“You know Duke?”

“I pay him to-”

“Shhhhh!”

“You guys are talking too!”

“At least, it’s movie related!” Damian hisses.

You throw up your hands with an exaggerated flail. “Fine!”

“I say it’s the shifty looking lady,” Jason declares, reaching over Duke and Steph to try and snatch some popcorn from Cass. You wonder why Jason doesn’t just snatch some from Alfred since he’s closer. You try to ask Tim but he just shakes his head at you. “Ms.Peacock?” Cass asks, shoving Jason’s face away with butter covered fingers. Duke tries to snatch a few kernels in the confusion only to get his hand swatted. “I think he means Mrs. White,” he says, waving his hand. “Yeah that one.”

“It’s the butler! It’s always butler!” Dick protests.

“I will fucking riot if it’s the butler!” Steph shoots back.

“It can’t be the butler.”

“Why not, Dami? He has motive.”

Damian rolls his eyes.“Gordon, why are you siding with Grayson?-” Babs opens her mouth to answer but Damain continues before she can get another syllable out “-nevermind. He doesn’t have as much motive as the rest of them. Besides, does he really look competent enough to hold a gun left alone with a knife?”

Tim raises his chin from your head. “Demon Spawn, your standards for butlers is too high. Alfred is-”

“You say this like you have plenty of references.”

“Oh, Tommy Terrific, Duckie here is a posh bastard,” Jason sneers ruffling Tim’s hair. From the way, some of his hairs stick up you could guess that he still had some butter in his hand. Tim makes a face of disgust; you try your best to help him with his hair. “Jay, you say that but you’re like Mr. I need the correct type of wood for my bookshelves,” Steph laughs. “Just because I’m not a slob like the rest of you walking disasters doesn’t mean I’m posh.”

“Yes, it does. You lived here. Yanno with Alfie,” Dick says, pulling out another pack of snacks he’d managed to snag from your bag. You’re not gonna ask at this point. Tim gives you a look which roughly translates to ‘I am very sorry for my trainwreck of a family’. You snort at him before turning towards his sibling. “I mean look at Cass. She’s still feral.” If looks could kill, the look Cass give you would melt your bones. Thankfully, Damian opens his mouth. “They’re all feral.” You have a sense that you’ve also been insulted. You hear Babs to your right laugh derisively. “You say this like you’re any less feral than the rest of us.”

“I am-”

“Are any of you still watching the movie?” Bruce asks and for the second time that night, your body tries to divorce your soul. You had almost forgotten that yes, you are watching Clue with the fucking Batman. You shift in your seat suddenly feeling a twinge of nervousness. Before the discomfort could nestle in you, Jason speaks up. “No, Bruce, we’re just watching Cass vacuum the popcorn into her stomach. What do you think?”

“You guys didn’t ask,” Cass says through a mouthful of popcorn knowing full well that’s a lie.

“How can any of you be watching it? All you’ve done is talk over the dialogue.” You almost laugh at how exasperated he sounds. Beside you, Tim just snickers and shakes his head.

Damian just looks at his father from his bean bag next to Dick. “Father, we can talk and listen. ” Dick, like the mature adult that he is, slaps his knee laughing. “I don’t think B is capable of that.”

“PREACH” was followed by a chorus of AMENs.

"Alfred, what have I done to turn my children against me?" Bruce asks, tiredly leaning back into his recliner.

"Master Bruce, how would you like me to list it?"

"Alfred not you too," Bruce groans, putting his hands in his eyes.

"Yeah! Alfie's on our side!" Jason cheers.

"Quite."

"Alfie is always the sensible one," Cass chuckles sensibly between bites. You hear varying noises of agreement and Bruce ages from suave debonair to extremely tired single dad.

"I assume Alfred is actually the boss here."

"Yeah, Bruce is actually on the bottom of the food chain here," Tim says. You tilt your head in contemplation. "Yanno that makes Batman so much less scary."

"B-man's just a giant softie," Steph chirps, slinging her legs over Duke and Cass's laps narrowly missing the nearly empty bowl of popcorn.

Dick turns to you winking. "Yeah, just give him the puppy eyes and he'll get you anything you want in 2 seconds flat."

"Dick…"

"It's true!"

"Even a carnival?"

"Can we please just watch the movie?" Bruce says, in an almost pleading voice.

"I wouldn't hold my breath, old man," Jason chuckles, earning a glare from both Bruce and Damian. "It's not like you know how to shut up, Todd."

"Sorry, I don’t speak gremlin."

"That's bull Jay!"

"MOVIE IS STILL GOING ON! SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLES."

“I TOLD YOU IT WAS THE BUTLER.”

“Yes, yes, it has been publiced and noted, Birdie,” you giggle into Tim’s side, shaking your head. He wraps his arm around you, pressing a kiss into your hair, winking at you. “Does it count?” Tim asks over his shoulder. A look passes between him and Cass. “I don’t think so,” she says grinning.

“It so does! It’s one of the endings,” Dick protests vehemently. Jason’s mouth flattens then curls into a grin. “By that logic, the old man is right too.”

Dick thinks for a moment, tapping his chin. “Well, we can’t have that.”

“Why not?” Bruce protests.

"I'm still sticking with the butler. I'm sorry this is the only logical conclusion."

"He wasn't even an actual butler you butter brain!" Steph protests, throwing a pillow at Dick.

"I'm sorry but can we address why you're all mounting a mutiny against me?"

"Teenage rebellion!" Dick answers.

"Chum, you're not even a teenager."

"Father's right. At most, Grayson is five years old," Damian pipes from beside Dick seemingly unaffected by his brother's pout.

"Alfred, you're going to have to check my blood pressure before patrol."

"Quite, sir."

“They’re all so dramatic just like you said,” you whisper into Tim’s shoulder.

“I AM NOT DRAMATIC”

“Ah, yes, because the pretty man pose is so pragmatic.” Damian deadpan.

"That was one time, you assholes!"

"Hey, what else did Timmy say?"

"Well he- Oh wait!" You fish out your phone and Tim snacthes it away faster than you can blink. "No-" cough "-you don't." Cough.

Jason snatches it from him, snickering at the photo of Tim kissing you on the cheek. You're pretty sure Tim has a matching photo with you kissing him on the cheek. "Nice lockscreen, (y/n)."

"Oh, you should see the homescreen!"

"No. Please don't. You might need eye bleach."

"Relax Space Cadet, it’s not that one."

"Ohohoho, what didn't you want big daddy bats to see? Haaa, Timbo?"

Tim turns every shade of red before settling on fire hydrant red. "None of your business!"

Bruce clears his throat, looking at a stupidly expensive watch. “It’s time.” Dick springs up, stretching and showing off. “Is it really that time already?” Steph asks in almost a whine. Duke and Cass take the opportunity to shove her off and sadly, she lands with a loud thud and a mangled curse. You wince but laugh unsympathetically which simply earns you a face full of dust covered popcorn. You frown at her and she grins at you as Jason hauls her up by her hoodie. “C’mon Blondie. Let’s leave the love birds alone.”

“It’s not like they’re actually gonna be alone. Alfie’s here. So is Babs.”

“I’m going back to my place. You people give me a headache.”

“You say that like you weren’t having fun,” Dick teases, walking after her.

“I’ll be down in the cave if you need me,” Alfred says waving at both of you. “Will do, Alf,” Tim yawns, nuzzling into your hair.

Cass pops her head back in. “Make sure Tim doesn’t do anything stupid,” She calls back. You grin, bright and wolfish. “Don’t worry! He can’t do me while he’s sick.” You hear Bruce choke in the hall and you just know that you’ll mentally kick yourself for that later. Luckily for you, Tim physically kicks you now. “What the hell?!” Cough. “Sorry, got caught in the moment.” You huff, trying to look a little sorry. Tim just glares more. “You’re not even close to sorry.”

��Ok. Yeah.”

“I have no idea why I love you sometimes.”

“My amazing personality?”

“Sure.”

“Love you too, Tim,” you chirp, kissing him. Tim’s lips feel hot after the quick peck and he pulls you closer. “I love you but I was pretty sure my family was gonna eat you alive.”

“They would have done it,” you hum, pausing before adding, “respectfully.”

Tag list: @batarella, @anothertimdrakestan, @lucy-roo, @multifandomgirl-us, @idkmanicantenglish,@birdy-bat-writes, @boosyboo9206, @americasmarauders , @l-inkage, @arestorationofbalance , @cloudie-skay, @wunderstell @hyp-oh-critical @glorified-red

#tim drake imagines #tim drake x reader #Tim Drake #batfamily x reader #batfam #reader insert #dc fanfiction #dc reader insert #bruce wayne #Alfred Pennyworth #dick grayson #Damian Wayne #Jason Todd #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas #batman #batfamily headcanon #batboys

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