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lovemly4 · 3 months

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HE GIVES ME BUTTERFLIES

Word count: 2.3 k

Pairing: BestFriend!Felix x Reader

Warnings: Smut, best friends to lovers, piv sex, unprotected sex (wrap it please), blowjob, facesitting, semi public sex (??), praising, aftercare, explicit language, MINORS DNI 18+

“And… Done! Good job, you can rest now. We’re done for today” my choreographer says, turning off the music and handing me a bottle of water.

I chug eagerly, exhausted by the practice. Today has been particularly hard for me and I don’t exactly know the reason behind it, but now I find myself sat against the mirror, catching my breath as if it was the last.

“I’m leaving, are you coming with me?” my teacher asks me, waiting in the door frame

“No thanks, I think I’ll practice again a couple of times, then I’ll call it a night.” she nods, waiving her hand as her figure disappears behind the wall.

I wait until my heartbeat slows down, boringly scrolling through my Instagram feed, and I come across one of my friend’s latest posts.

And damn, he was devilishly handsome in that picture.

I’ve been friends with Felix for a long time: he was one of the first people to approach me when I got accepted into the dance school, and in one way or another our teachers noticed the alchemy between me and him.

Since then, they paired the two of us for many choreographies.

But that’s it.

No romantic feelings between me and Felix.

No love, no lust, no desire.

Just a really deep friendship.

But then why do I feel that burning feeling in my heart whenever he’s around? And why do I crave his presence when he’s not?

I force myself out of my thoughts, getting prepared to practice again.

I get in position in the middle of the room waiting for the song to start, still chewing on those memories with him.

The door suddenly opens, letting someone burst in and invade my bubble of thoughts.

“Hello love, missed me?” a joyful voice says, tossing his bag on the empty sofa in his trajectory.

Speak of the devil…

I turn to face him, an expression of fake-annoyance on my face while he walks in where i stand.

He picks me up and we twirl together, gently putting me down and pinching my cheek while he smiles at me.

“Wasn’t your teacher supposed to be here today? Has she lost hope with you? Poor thing. “He looks around panting, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“You clown. She was here five minutes ago, must have sensed you coming and decided to sneak out.” I flick his forehead, earning a laugh from him “but you can stay here if you want, I’m almost done”

He nods and makes his way to sit on the sofa.

Being a professional dancer, I usually don’t mind people watching me; but there’s something about his gaze that makes my skin burn like a hot sun, leaving me raw and exposed.

I start dancing for the hundredth time this day, even if I feel that my movements are not fluid and confident like they’re supposed to be.

It doesn’t go unnoticed by him, of course, and he walks towards me.

“What’s going on with you today?” he sweetly asks placing himself behind me. He grabs my waist with his right hand, and gently holds my arm up with his left.

Our eyes meet in the wall mirror in front of us: he’s warm, and I can feel his breath on the nape of my neck. I helplessly shiver at the feeling.

“You’re stiff. I’ll help you with this move, alright?” he moves our bodies together as one “just like that”.

His warm voice, his presence, his body against mine make my head spin, holding onto his arm as I turn around to face him.

“Already trembling like a leaf and I haven’t almost touched you.”

Shit.

My eyes widen in shock at his words, heart going crazy in my chest. He holds my head up by the chin, lips brushing over mines. His steady gaze burns on my skin, still sensitive from his body against mine.

“Who thought I could’ve had you in my arms like this all along?” his voice is deep, hot with lust and desire, and his breath is fanning against my lips.

He won; he knew it. And I let him.

His presence had always filled me, from day one. I was just too blind to see it.

“please” I beg him.

I don’t like the way my voice sounds, it’s whiny and shaky, and we both know he’s the only person who causes it to be like that.

“Please what, love?” his expression is serious, he’s eager to hear me beg again for him.

But I don’t have time to try and speak once more, the fire in my core is demanding.

I pull him down to meet his lips in a chaste kiss, soon to be replaced by tongues fighting and teeth shattering against each other’s.

He picks me up, blindly heading towards the sofa as the kiss gets too heated to just stop. I lose myself in his flavor, my hands find his hair at the base of his head, slightly pulling and feeling the soft strands between my fingers.

That’s when I know I won the jackpot, he pulls away and tightens the grasp on my butt cheeks.

He puts me down gently, sitting beside me as I climb onto his lap. His hands are on my waist, slightly gripping while I trace gentle wet kisses on his Adam’s apple.

His skin is hot, sweet, and it smells like him.

Confident hands rise my shirt, taking the fabric with him up my head to remove it.

“Lix, are you sure?” I look at him worried, suddenly realizing that we still are in a public place.

“They all went home, it’s just us in here” he smiles reassuringly, leaving a small peck on my lips.

I chuckle and tug at the black fabric of his oversized shirt, lazily resting on his upper body.

He lifts his arms to ease my work and I can’t help but stare at his toned body, my hands flattened against his waist.

Everything is harmonious in this man; he doesn’t even look real.

He knows he looks like an angel, and he makes sure to make you feel heaven.

My mouth traces a long line of kisses down his waist, hands following my movements as he throws his head back in pleasure, abs tensed and the tent in the middle of his joggers more and more prominent.

I palm his manhood through the fabric, feeling the outline of it and eager to feel him wherever I can take him.

I pull down both his pants and his boxers in one movement, freeing his half hard cock that now rests on his lower abdomen.

I take it in my hand, slowly pumping it and spreading the little drops of precum down his shaft; he’s hot in my hand, prettier than I imagined.

His breathing is heavy, trying his best not to let moans escape his mouth.

“Don’t hold back Lix, let me hear you.”

He smiles, hissing at my words, stroking my hair and tangling his fingers through it slightly pulling, guiding my mouth down his member while our eyes never leave each other’s.

“Fuck- you’re so good, just like that baby” his words are strained, breathy, almost forced to come out and threatened to be interrupted by his low moans.

I take him in my mouth: he’s deliciously heavy on my tongue, the salty taste of his precum mixing with the sweetness of his kisses.

He stops my movements, smiling reassuringly at my confused face.

“Don’t worry love, you did nothing wrong. But I could cum just by looking at you, and we don’t want that to happen so soon, do we?”

Cheeks blushing, I clean the spit in the corners of my mouth with the back of my hand, eyes following Felix’s movements as he gets comfortable laying down on the sofa, his head on the arm rest.

“Come on pretty girl, sit on my face” he states, patting his chest.

I stand there, unable to put together enough words to express my confusion.

“But- are you sure? What if I hurt you?” I stutter in disbelief.

I sit there shocked, unable to understand if my confusion is given by his request or by the excitement in anticipation.

But it doesn’t feel wrong, at all.

It’s intimate, and I know that I can trust him with my entire heart.

I climb on his chest, his soft and delicate hands helping me strip out of my shorts and panties.

He doesn’t waste time and quickly grips at my thighs: he’s not rough, but he makes me feel safe.

And incredibly horny.

And by the way our eyes talk I understand that he knows what he’s doing and what I’m thinking. He always knew.

We always knew, after all.

I align my bare core to his mouth, still unsure of how much weight to put on him.

But he’s impatient, he’s not worried at all, he grabs the flesh of my thighs and pulls me down in one quick motion.

He licks a long strip, flicking his tongue on my sensitive clit. His tongue is wet and warm against my cunt, feels molded to do that job, and his lips surround his work, stroking the labia from time to time.

God, who thought he could be so nasty?

He alternates between fucking my hole with his tongue and giving attention to the bundle of nerves, and I can’t help but moan his name like a mantra.

I soon feel the familiar knot forming in my lower abdomen, hot and delightful.

“Ah-Lix, please don’t stop” but he didn’t even think about it, not when he has me shaky and whiny under his hands.

I start grinding and fucking myself on his face, his nose hitting my sweet spot with each thrust, chasing my orgasm; his fingers dig in the meat of my legs, as he brings up a hand to massage my breasts. He flicks the rosy bud between two fingers, playing with it, soon starting to make me lose control.

I feel my blood boiling, heat in my whole body while his mouth and fingers work the magic.

“Fe-Felix, ngh- gonna cum” I beg while grinding his face and tugging at his hair. My orgasm is soon to come, crashing down on me and making me see stars, leaving me shaky while he works his way through it.

I move away from his face, freeing him of my grip on his head.

My juices are on his mouth and chin, glistening with the dim light of the room. He’s such a view.

“I could’ve bet you tasted divine” he states licking his lips while I catch my breath, fucked out expression on my face.

“Look at you, already so drunk and I didn’t even start” he whispers, moving a strand of hair out of my face kissing me tenderly, as if he waited years to savor this moment and finally fate was on his side.

But we did, though. Idiots in love, just too stupid to see it.

He moves us putting me on his lap, letting me do the rest.

“Let me, I can do this” I swear reassuringly, his dark half hooded eyes staring at me.

I lower his joggers where they were moments before, his still hard veiny cock slapping against his tummy.

I gently stroke it, spitting in my hand and spreading it evenly, while he grows impatient and low groans make their way out of his throat “Don’t tease, please” he begs.

I smirk, aligning it with my entrance, the wetness of my previous orgasm enough to make it slide in easily.

We exhale once it’s fully in, like we’ve both been holding our breath, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes and his mouth hanging open.

He places his hand on my hips, helping me set the pace as the other one finds my breast. Felix has a weakness for tits, noted.

I grind myself on his dick; I can feel his silky skin under my hands, flattened against his abdomen. The tip is hitting the right spot inside me, my clit brushing against his pubic bone feels delightful.

“Fuck- darling you’re perfect, such a good girl for me” he whimpers, noticing my thrusts getting weaker.

He hugs my waist to lift me up, my breast in front of his face in the motion while he starts relentlessly thrusting up, loud skin slapping noises and our moans filling the room, making the filthiest melody we’ve both ever heard.

He brings his thumb to my mouth, wetting it enough to stroke my clit, gently flicking it and making me drip even more.

I feel my orgasm approaching once more, the sight of Felix’s fucked out expression adding to the tingles bubbling in my tummy.

“I’m- close” I manage to say between breaths “I know baby, hold on a little longer” he moans out against the flesh of my shoulder slightly biting on it, the sting of the action just adding to the pleasure.

“Felix, I can’t, please” I cry out against his neck, too fucked out to form a coherent sentence

“Cum baby, go on” his hips stutter against mines “gonna cum inside you, alright love?” he asks, but i don’t even have the time to say anything before our highs crash down the both of us, leaving us a hot mess.

I pant against his chest, heat fading and leaving space to the cold air in the room. He strokes my hair, leaving gentle and sweet kisses on my forehead.

I look up into his eyes: they’re glossy, and a strange glow enhances the color of his iris. Keeping a steady hand on my waist, he uses the other one to open his bag and pull out a clean shirt.

He cleans the both of us, paying extra attention to where our bodies where still connected. He looks for my clothes, helping me getting dressed and handing me his bottle of water.

We lay there, my eyes getting heavy as he talks quietly in the emptiness of the building.

A loud noise startles me, immediately searching for Felix’s eyes.

“Oh… yeah. I might have forgotten about the cleaning women” he states, awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

I cover my face with my hands exhaling exasperated

“I can’t fucking believe it”.

a/n: Hello! First smutty one shot here, so it might be highly improvable. Let me know!!

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if-found-return-to-sender · 7 months

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What a Suprise~ Bill Weasley

Waddling was all I could call the way I was walking.

But I couldn’t see my life being any other way.

An amazing man that loves me just the way I am.

An adopted son.

A loving family that’s there for me no matter what.

And a baby on the way.

But waddling was the least of my worries

There were worse symptoms of being almost nine months pregnant. Like constantly having to pee, having swollen ankles, barely getting any sleep at night, my mood changing at any and all moments, only eating things I crave, and my least favorite becoming nauseous at anything my nose deems disgusting.

But I had to remind myself that it would all be worth it.

To have that little bundle of joy in my arms will make it all worth it.

I had to make the days shorter by keeping me busy to make the final weeks of this pregnancy fly by. And that starts with me getting out of bed.

That was no easy task.

The amount of rolling around and grunting got the man lying next to me to stir awake. “Good morning love. Do you need any help?” Bill asked me.

I grumbled as I asked,” What does it look like hun?”

“It looks like my beautiful wife is trying to get out of bed when we both know your abs are no longer in working order,” he chuckles at me.

“Yeah yeah just help me get up so I can get ready before Teddy wakes up,” I grumble to him.

(Teddy a.k.a Edward Remus Lupin, the son of my late sister Tonks. He was put into my care after the second wizarding war when it was found that Nymph and Remus were gone. I’ve taken care of him ever since then. It's been three years.)

“Okay okay I’m coming,” he said back to me.

Bill pulls me out of our cozy bed and my feet hit the cold floor making me shiver. I stand in front of my husband giving him a kiss before I begin to walk towards the bathroom. I’m stopped before I take my second step by Bill’s hand gently holding my arm.

He carefully spins me around so as not to make me dizzy.

He then gets on his knees so he is level with your sizable bump. He then starts to talk to your bump,” Good morning little one. I just have a few rules for the day for you. One, don’t kick your mother in the ribs, Two, don’t come out early, and last but not least I love you so much, and can’t wait to see you any day now.” He ends the chat with a couple of kisses to my stomach tickling me in the process causing me to laugh. Which in return causes our baby to kick where the kisses were settled.

“Well if your done sweet talking the babe I am going to go and take a shower,” I say as I’m looking down at him.

All he does is look up at me with adoration something I’ve seen from him quite a lot these past weeks.

“What are you staring at?” I ask him.

“I am looking at the most beautiful woman in the world. Just trying to understand how I got so lucky to have someone like you,” he says in amazement.

“I’m still trying to understand what in Merlin’s name I had to do in order to have the most handsome, most loving, and definitely most daring husband to ever step foot on the world,” I respond with the same love and adoration.

He stands up again with a wide smile spread across his face.

He pulls me into a kiss.

He had to lean in order to reach my lips as there was an obstacle in his way.

“Now I’m going to shower,” I say back to him as I walk away.

“I will most likely be downstairs making breakfast when you are done,” he says back to me.

I walk into the bathroom turn on the shower and turn to look in the mirror just looking at myself hoping one day to see some of the same features in my little girl.

Yes, girl.

Bill hasn’t wanted to know so I haven’t told him, but I found out a long time ago.

Keeping the news a secret all to myself.

I walk into the shower as the hot water runs down my body washing away yesterday. I run my hands over my stomach to make sure I don’t miss a single inch of my body.

I go through my routine but still don’t want to get out of the hot water as it has raised my body temperature significantly since I’ve gotten in. The chill of the morning trying to sneak into the hot shower. Only getting out when the tips of my fingers start to wrinkle.

I dry off and put on the plush robe waiting on the back of the bathroom door. Hoping to keep the cool air at bay. Continuing to dry my hair as I wipe the condensation off the mirror in front of me.

While looking at myself I take a moment to take it all in before the day finally begins.

I brush out my hair and move to the closet to get dressed. Picking one of Bill’s sweaters and my trusted leggings. The only thing that still fits.

Just as I finished the exercise of putting my socks on I heard the little groans coming from the room down the hall.

I smile to myself as I make my way to the babbling toddler.

“Good morning Mr. Teddy,” I say to him. I’m only greeted with a barely toothy grin.

The boy in front of me has the face of his father but the eyes and hair of his mother. Finding out that he is a metamorphmagus like his mother was a shock and a relief. I was washing dishes when I heard Teddy sneeze and then heard continuous quacking. I walked into the living room to see him with a duck beak on the front of his face. Quickly calling my mother was the only thing I thought to do. She was over in a heartbeat to teach me how to change him back to his perfect self.

I chuckle at the memory as I make my way over to the blue-haired boy. He smiles at me jumping with excitement at seeing me coming to get him.

“Do you want to get dressed or have breakfast?” I ask picking him up.

He points to the small closet behind us as his answer.

“Alright let’s get you dressed,” I say.

Changing him has always been an easy task for me.

As long as he’s holding my wand. It hasn’t caused any accidents yet, but I know one day it probably will.

I put him down on the floor and told him to get breakfast. He then takes off down the hall the sound of his little feet hitting the floor echoes through the quiet house.

I smile as I follow him down the hall.

When he gets to the stairs he waits for me to catch up with him.

I tell him,” It’s okay you know how to do it.”

He then turns around and begins to slowly descend the stairs. He looks up at me every so often to make sure I’m still following. When he makes it to the bottom of the stairs he slowly stands and turns around taking off toward the kitchen. The smell of breakfast floats to my nose.

I waddle my way to the kitchen doorway in time to hear their conversation.

“Good morning my son. How did you sleep my little tyke?” he says to him.

Teddy babbles for a bit before he says,” Good dada.”

Hearing Teddy say that to him feels wrong but earned. We will tell him of his parents and just how heroic they were. When he can understand why we kept it a secret, but for now we will play the part.

“Oh really and you look so handsome and cozy in your sweater. Did you pick it out or did Mommy?” he says to the boy.

“Me,” he says proudly.

Which is true although I picked out two for him to choose from.

“Well, you definitely made a good choice. Nana Weasley will be overjoyed when she learns you’ve taken a liking to her sweaters,” Will says to Teddy as he tickles his little stomach making Teddy let out a loud giggle.

“See Nana,” Teddy says excitedly.

“We’ll see Nana next weekend okay,” Bill responds.

“Okay,” Teddy says back with a smile on his little face.

I stand in the doorway to the kitchen watching the scene playing out in front of me.

Bill is trying to make pancakes while still holding Teddy in his arms. I take this as my cue to step in and help him with making breakfast. I pour myself a cup of coffee to make my presence known to the man on the other side of the kitchen. I hear music begin to play throughout the cozy room. I turn to see the two of them begin to dance to the music around them.

I giggle at the two of them and move to take over making breakfast for my husband.

I finished making everything and brought it to the little table perfect for my little family. As I finish bringing the last of the food to the table Bill and Teddy dance their way over to me squishing me in between the two of them in slobbery kisses on each cheek.

“Oh thank you my loves,” I laugh to them as they sit down.

Teddy gets out,“ Welcome mama.” I start to put food onto a plate for Teddy so I can cut it up for him. The music still softly going in the background of our meal.

The rest of breakfast is spent talking to Bill about the current case he’s working on, and Teddy occasionally chiming in to tell us his opinions.

After breakfast, I’m at the sink washing the dishes from the morning while humming to the music in the house. Teddy is in the living room playing with his toys. And as I’m cleaning one of the last dishes I feel two arms snake around my waist or what was left of it from behind.

“You look so beautiful today,” he whispers in my ear swaying us slowly.

“Well, you take some of the credit. This is your sweater after all,” I say back to him as I sway with him.

“I can’t take any credit you’re beautiful wearing anything. Especially when wearing nothing,” he responds while biting my ear lobe ever so lightly.

“Thank you my love, but not gonna happen,” I sass at him.

“Okay if not that then could I have this dance with you, my lady?” he asks holding out his hand to me.

I nod my head yes, and take his hand. He pulls me in close to him and we begin to dance. I listen closely and begin to hear the song that’s playing. Our song. As I begin listening the song gets louder as we begin dancing our way through the main level of our home. It makes me remember our wedding. The songs, the dancing, the food, and him, my husband. One of the best days of my life as I’m sure there are more to come especially with our little one on the way.

We finally make it to the living room where Teddy begins to stand to his feet holding his arms out and asking to be held.

I instantly pick him up and we squish him in between us as we continue our dance around the toys in the living room. We begin to sing to the little boy in our arms. Causing him to giggle as he listens to us sing funnily at him.

The song begins to wind down and Bill spins and dips me one last time as the last note holds.

When I come back up I feel it.

The rush of water gushing down my leg.

I look up at Bill with shock all over my face. He’s still laughing with Teddy until he looks at me. His smile was replaced with worry as he instantly started to look me over. His eyes finally looked to the ground to see the puddle around us.

I can see the shock finally register on his face.

All I can do is smile with excitement. We knew it could happen any day and apparently, today was the day.

I took Teddy from Bill’s arms as he raced up the stairs to get our hospital bags.

I looked at Teddy with a smile on my face trying not to worry or freak out the young boy. Bill appears a couple of seconds later with two trunks in his arms.

It’s my turn to look at my husband with love and admiration. My smile is reciprocated by the ginger in front of me. I don’t know what the rest of the day has in store but I’m ready to do it with this man at my side.

I waddle over to Bill and he meets me halfway linking my arm with his we aparate to the burrow to drop off Teddy with Molly and Arthur.

When Molly sees us on the front steps she instantly knows why we're here. She’s already fussing over me before she opens the door.

She takes the excited toddler from my arms and tells us to go the instant Teddy is resting on her hip. As we turn to walk away to aparate to St.Mungos Molly grabs my arm and whispers,” Oh, and good luck my dear. Bring home my second grandbaby.”

I give her a nervous smile as I walk to Bill and we are off.

We arrive at the hospital and my first contraction hits my body.

The second one is not far behind it.

I am put in a wheelchair and bring me to a private room.

I look around at the room and take in the fact that this is where my little girl is going to be brought into the world. A day that feels weird now that it is here.

I'm put in bed and nurses start to fuss over me and my baby making sure that everything is going smoothly. As one of the nurses goes to check me a surge of pain goes through my body as another contraction hits me.

The nurse apologies as she’s done checking me telling me that I’m progressing fast and that I’m at 5 centimeters already.

5 more to go I tell myself.

5 more and I get to see my beautiful girl.

Time passed and it felt like an eternity.

But finally, I was ready to push.

I pushed for three hours.

I was exhausted, sad, happy, a whole bunch of emotions. I was about to give up when I heard it. Her cry.

A cry I’ve waited eight and a half months for.

I look over at my husband who’s been letting me squeeze his hand for the last three hours. I see him looking at the baby that is being laid on my chest with that same love and admiration he shows me every day.

She’s already stolen his heart and she’s barely a minute old.

“It’s a girl, my love,” I whisper to him as he puts his face next to mine to get a closer look at the babe.

“A great surprise indeed,” he says with tears all over his face.

After she was cleaned and bundled up snugly she was placed into my arms by the nurse who said,” I’ll give you guys some time to yourself.”

“Thank you,” I smiled towards the nurse.

Now we were alone with our baby.

Our second baby.

“You are the most beautiful girl in the world,” Bill says.

“Are you talking to me or her?” I quip.

“I’m talking to both of you. She looks so much like you already,” he ogles.

“Except for the full head of red hair and that nose. She definitely got those from you. We will have to wait and see what her eye color is, but my money is on blue,” I say to him.

“What are we going to name her my love?” He asks me.

“I think we’ll name her Agnes Nymphdora Weasley. What do you think about that little one?” I ask her.

All I get in return is a smile. Her first smile.

“You, Agnes, will do great and wonderful things and I know that because you will have me and your dad, and your brother at your side at all times. And you don’t even know it yet but you have six uncles and four aunts who love you. And your Nana and Papa Weasley, and your Granny Tonks. And so many more, and guess what they all love you so much. But I will say that your Dad definitely loves you the most I can see it in his eyes. You already have him wrapped around your tiny finger,” she smiles as I say that,” And of course, you know it too you little cheeky thing. You get that from your uncles Fred and George,” I continue to go on and on about your beautifully broken family until I’m fast asleep.

I woke up the next morning to hear Bill talking to someone.

I open my eyes and see Molly and Arthur.

“Where are the kids?” my groggy voice mixed with sleep and worry asks.

“We were waiting until you woke up for them to meet,” Molly says to me,” don’t worry he’s at the house with the rest of the family who are excited and ready to congratulate you.”

“I think I’ll need a day or two before that happens,” I say with a sigh.

“That is just fine my dear. We will be celebrating at the burrow whenever you’re ready to come by,” she says as she kisses me on the cheek,” in the meantime, I’ll go get the little man of the hour.” She then walks out the door with Arthur following close behind.

I then realize that Bill is holding our baby wrapped in multiple blankets. No doubt the work of Molly while I was asleep. I smile as I see him rocking her back and forth while humming our song to her.

I could feel my heart beaming with pride.

Then there is a knock on the door.

“Just a minute,” I say.

Bill and I both know exactly who is behind that door.

He walks over to me and carefully hands me baby Agnes. I get her situated in my arms, and Bill caresses my face in admiration as I do so. He takes the chair he’s been using next to the bed.

“Come in,” I say to the door not too loudly in case I might wake the sleeping baby.

The door slowly opens to reveal Teddy in the arms of Molly as she walks into the room. Arthur follows slowly behind them with Teddy’s security blanket.

“Hi buddy,” I say to him in a soft but excited voice.

All he does is wave to me as he pushes against Molly to be let down. She lets him down so he can come over on his own terms. Before he walks towards us he reaches and grabs his blanket from Arthur.

He then begins to walk around the bed to stand next to the chair Bill is sitting in.

“You want to come up,” Bill says as he reaches out his arms to Teddy.

Teddy nods his little head.

Bill puts him in his lap.

“Hi baby,” I say to him.

“Hi, Mommy,” he says back to me.

“Do you know who this is?” Bill asks him.

“Mommy,” Teddy says.

“That’s right, but who is Mommy holding,” he asks again.

He looks at me taking in everything before him. The bed with the white sheets, me with my hospital gown on, and finally I see his little eyes land on the bundle of blankets in my arms. He then stands up in Bill’s lap trying to get a better look at her.

“Baby!” he says with a lot of excitement. The smile on his face is genuine and infectious.

I became so happy that I felt tears of happiness build behind my eyes.

“Yes that’s right, baby, this is your baby sister,” I say to him.

“Hold, please,” Teddy says to me as he begins to climb out of Bill’s lap and onto the hospital bed. I instantly began moving to make room in my lap for the boy by holding the baby in one arm while he slid his way into my lap.

“Okay, hunny curl your arm to support her head, and then wrap your arm around her… there you go buddy good job,” I instruct my son.

Agnes doesn’t stir one bit as Teddy holds her.

It’s like she knows who he is already.

“What do you think Teddy?” Bill asks.

“Pretty,” he says as he begins to slowly touch her head. I take off her hat so that he can see her full head of red hair, and he begins to stroke it back and forth.

“You’re doing such a good job baby. Being so gentle with her,” I say with a smile across my face.

I look up after hearing the silent sobbing from across the room.

Molly is in tears while Arthur tries to console her.

“Would you like to know what her name is?” I ask the grandparents in front of me.

Molly nods her head slowly while wiping her nose with a handkerchief. Arthur waiting to catch his wife if need be at what’s about to happen.

“Well, we decided to name her Agnes Nymphadora Weasley,” I say proudly to them.

I see the quiet sob leave Molly’s mouth at the name of our first baby girl.

Arthur says to us,” That’s a mighty fine name for your little girl. I’m so proud of both of you. More you than him Y/n.”

“Thank you Arthur that means the world,” I say in thanks.

~ The next day is spent relearning all the steps of having a newborn. The diapers. The feedings. The sleep cycle.

We leave for home after three days in the hospital.

We open our front door to see Molly busying herself with cleaning. While Arthur is in the living room reading out loud to Teddy.

“What’s all this?” I ask as I enter the house.

“Well, we’re here to help you of course,” Molly says matter of factly.

“Thank you,” I say to her.

As I continue to enter the house I begin to hear little feet padding towards us. I then see him come around the corner running straight towards us. I drop to my knees to greet him with the biggest hug possible.

“Hi, buddy. Did you have fun with Nana and Papa?” I ask him.

He nods his head as a response wanting to be held by me. So I picked him up.

“What do you… “ I don’t even get to finish my sentence as a big yawn comes from the small boy. “You wanna take a nap buddy,” I ask him.

“With you please,” he answers.

“Of course buddy. We’ll go upstairs and take a nap together you and me,” I respond.

“And Daddy, and baby,” he pleas.

“Okay, buddy we will go and take a family nap how about that,” I say to him.

He nods his head with sleepy excitement.

“Well, you heard the man. Up you get,” I say to my husband with a tired smile.

He begins to climb the stairs with the sleeping baby girl in his arms. I turn to look at Molly but she’s already shooing me up the stairs to follow my husband. “Okay, Okay I’m going,” I say to her,” thank you again Molly for all you’ve done.”

“No need to thank me, love. I had the help when I had mine thank Merlin. So I’m repaying the favor one grandbaby at a time,” she says back to me.

I smile one last time at her before I walk up the stairs to the bedroom I shared with my husband and for a while our baby Agnes.

I walk into the room to see that Bill is almost asleep, and Agnes is down for the count. I keep Teddy at my side as I slide into the plush bed. As I go to move him I see he’s fast asleep on my shoulder. I lean back onto the headboard and slide down onto my back with Teddy on top of me. I turn my head so I can cuddle into the side of my beautiful husband.

“Thank you,” he says to me out of nowhere.

“What are you thanking me for?” I ask with confusion.

“For giving me this. The life I’ve always wanted. My beautiful children taking a nap with me and my beautiful wife. All I can say to you is Thank you for bringing this life into the world,” he says while pointing at Agnes,” And for bringing him into my life,” he says while pointing at Teddy,” And thank you for choosing me to be the one you spend the rest of the life with,” he finishes with tears in his eyes.

I lean to him and give him the most deeply loving kiss I can.

“I will always choose you, William Weasley,” I say while looking into his eyes,” I will choose you in this life and every lifetime after that. I mean it.”

“And I will choose you in every lifetime as well my love,” he says back to me.

“Now I’m taking a nap and relishing in the quiet before the storm,” I say to him as I close my eyes.

He pecks my cheek and nose one last time before he pulls me into his side to hold me while we all sleep together in the true mark before the rest of our lives.

#harry potter imagine #bill weasley x reader #bill weasley #bill weasley imagine #molly weasley #weasley family #hp fandom #hp fanfcition #hogwarts #arthur weasley #the weasleys

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pastelavender88 · 1 year

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Sinbound- Chapter 11

Summary: It’s been a month since the events of the last chapter: Eddie and Buck are on the outs and Buck’s family is back in town; Something major happens to Y/n.

Warning: Talks of miscarriage.

Series Masterlist

It’s been a month since Eddie and I broke up. It was touch and go for a while. The night of the breakup I asked for 2 hours. It doesn’t take 2 hours to basically pick up your whole life. Alex and I took all our clothes and toiletries but we still had to come back and get the rest of our things. I decided it would be best to leave all the baby’s stuff there, but excluding that I still had a ton of things. Bobby and Athena served as the buffer between Eddie and I. Athena would text me to tell me that Bobby told her Eddie and Christopher would be out of the house from 12-4 pm and stuff like that. Eddie and I still haven’t spoken since that night even though he tried. He gave me a good 2 days before he was blowing up my cell and trying to talk and work things out, but I was serious when I meant Eddie and I were done. The betrayal still keeps me awake at night if I let my mind wander enough and the events starting on the night in question and the big blow up play in my head like a movie. Alex and I moved in with Buck for the time being while I figured out the next step in our lives. Buck was more than happy to welcome us and he’s been accommodating in any way he can. He’s been going with me to my doctor appointments, driving me around a lot since I’ve gotten a little bigger and lazier to do it myself, and even taking a parenting class with me. Even though I had Alex already a lot of things have changed in the last 12 years. Speaking of all the things Buck is doing for me, Eddie is quite pissed at him because of it. Also, the fact that Buck is the one that told me about Eddie’s infidelity. So everything has been quite an adjustment. It was morning and Buck was off today so that meant family breakfast. Which was really more me cooking whatever I was craving and everyone being too lazy to complain or make anything else. Today was chicken, waffles, spicy syrup, bacon, eggs, and french toast. (Don’t judge but I craved this my whole pregnancy.) Buck came down from the room and sat at the table. The reason I call it the room is because technically it’s both Buck and I’s room. See Buck only has two rooms in his loft but the other room is Alex’s and it’s not exactly big enough to share. So Buck and I share the room in the sense that both of our things are there like clothes, shoes, jewelry, little things like that. Buck did buy a couch though, so that way he has something to sleep on. Right now Buck was trying to convince me to go with him and Alex to pick up his parents later. “They would love to see you. I mean it’s been over a year since they last saw you.” “Yeah and since then I got knocked up and then left a single mom. Again.” “True, but you look really cute pregnant and they haven’t seen this glow.” He said, as he pointed his fork at me. “That may be the case but seriously I’m not up for that yet.” Buck could tell my mood was becoming somber, so he let it go. “Alright. Did I tell you guys what happened yesterday at work? Some guy’s kids buried him in the sand and splashed water on him when a freak flash of lightning hit and turned the sand into glass. It was insane.” “Buck I’m trying to eat.” “Mom, that's actually really cool and mother nature at work. What did that guy say in that really old dinosaur movie ‘life always finds a way’. Life is science.” “Did she just call Jurassic Park a really old movie?” I asked Buck. I turned to Alex. “That movie came out the year I was born for your info.” “How do you think I feel? I’m older than you by two years.” Buck joked. The conversation kept flowing from there and eventually it was time to clean up and start the day. Since the break up with Eddie I haven’t really been writing much so my day usually centers around Buck and Alex. I felt like a 50’s housewife. After making sure everyone had everything they needed for their day I would tidy the house, wash dishes, do laundry. It was a feminist nightmare but I was so numb I didn’t really care. I’ve been seeing a therapist but it didn’t help as much as I thought it would. Most people describe therapy as this life-altering interaction but for me it felt like when you were called to the guidance counselor in school about bullying or something. Like I was put on the spot. Don’t get me wrong there was improvement but I just didn’t feel satisfied or “fixed” in a sense. We dived into my relationship issues a lot and I understand what Eddie was saying. The “relationship” that Buck and I had while Eddie and I were still together was emotional cheating, which proved my point. We were bad for each other. Eddie and I both rushed into this relationship after commitment issues on both sides, so we were destined for doom. Either way the pain inside of me from his affair with Ana wasn’t going away because I know that what I did didn’t warrant that. Instead of breaking it off or establishing clear boundaries, Eddie decided that cheating was the best route. So here I am feeling like less than a person over a toxic relationship we both should have some coming to an end. Buck’s POV Since Y/n didn’t want to come with me I was forced to suffer with my parents alone. It was worth it since Albert was there. “Uh, Albert, hey, check this out.” I showed Albert Y/n’s ultrasound picture. It was so cool to be a part of this process and I couldn’t help but show it off. “You brought more than takeout.” Albert replied, “Well, uh, Chimney didn't tell you?” “Yeah, that I've been gone less than a year and you're a father again? No.” God I hope my parents didn’t hear that. “Uh, no, not-not exactly.” “But that's a…” Albert started. “Baby. Buck...?” My mom was suddenly standing behind me. “Is there something you need to tell us? You're gonna be an uncle again!” My mom shouted as she jumped to conclusions. “Phillip! Maddie and Howard are gonna have another baby!” My mom yelled as she went to hug Chimney. “What?” Chim asked, confused. “That's fantastic! I had a feeling when you bought this house.” My dad replied. “I mean, it's a little soon to be pregnant again, but... Why not?!” Mom said. “This is very good news, Howard. Why didn't you tell us sooner? “ Chimney’s stepmom asked. “Uh, guys... Guys, we're... not pregnant.” He said. “You're not?” Mom asked. “No.” “Then who is?” Mom asked as she turned to me. “That’s what I was trying to say. Y/n is pregnant again. It’s a girl.” “You and Y/n are having another baby?” My dad asked. “No, mom is having a baby with Eddie.” Throughout all the confusion, everyone forgot Alex was sitting at the table on her tablet. “But, they're not together anymore so we're living with dad.” “Okay, let’s not deepdive into it. Give your mom some privacy.” When we got home it was time for a talk about privacy. “So Y/n and living with you while she’s pregnant with another man’s baby?” My dad asked. “And you’re going to help raise the baby?” “It's not like that. We’re not together, I’m just helping her while she figures a few things out. Also, if she wants of course I’ll help raise the baby but we haven’t thought that far ahead. We’re taking things day-by-day.” The way everyone except Maddie, Chimney, and Alex were looking at me I could tell they had a lot to say. “I think it's…” My mom started. “Here we go. “ I knew I was about to get an earful. “Great.” She finished. That shocked me. “Uh, yeah?” “You’re a wonderful father to Alex and I know if you need to be you’ll be a wonderful father to this little girl as well.” Dad replied. “Not only are you a good father but you’re a good man.” My mom said as she stepped towards me for a hug. I wrapped my arms around her. “Here. Dad, you want to see?” I said showing him the sonogram “Oh, absolutely.” He said as he took the phone from me. “Phillip. You are going to allow this?” Howie’s dad asked. “It's not really for me to allow.” Dad replied. “A man cannot raise a child fathered by another man, it's unnatural.” Howie’s father reiterated. “Says the expert in child-rearing, huh? I would think you would relate to Buck's decision. Father them and let someone else raise them.” “Howie.” Albert explained. “Whoa, Chim. It's-it's okay.” I said. “A man who cannot control his family is not a man.” Howie’s dad added to already building tension. “Maybe a man who's too controlling forces his sons to hide from him in another country.” My dad fired back. “Okay, easy. Come on, Dad.” I said. “Children need to learn that actions have consequences.” “I'm sorry, but how is any of this your business?” my mom asked Howie’s dad. “He did announce it to everyone.” Albert’s mom said. ‘Well, that wasn't exactly my choice.” I said, making it clear. “It was a bad choice.” “My dad helping out my mom wasn’t a bad choice, you’re just mean.” Alex called out. “Alex. Honey, you can not talk to adults like that.” “See this is exactly what I am talking about. Your child has no manners and you plan to raise another?” “Oh, that's rich.” My dad replied yet again, kicking everything off. Everyone started to argue until due to a storm the lights went out. “Buck, grab some candles, we got the doors”. Howie called me. As mom played with Jee and Alex, Maddie and I talked. “I think maybe Albert was right.” I said to Maddie. “Oh, I wouldn't say that out loud.” “Ever think about what it might've been like...?” “What?” “If Daniel had lived.” I asked her. “Yeah, sometimes.” “You?” Just then the lights came back on and everyone was relieved. “I think it would've been just like this.” Y/n’s POV (Think of this happening at the same time as Buck’s) I was sitting on the couch after cleaning when I heard a knock on the door. “Did you forget your key or something Buck?” I swung open the door and there stood Eddie. I crossed my arms and clenched my fists tight. The nerve he had to show up here. “What are you doing here Eddie?” “I’m here to talk to you. You haven’t spoken to me in a month. At least not without a third party being involved. I haven’t gone to any of your appointments since then.” “You barely went before so what’s the difference?” “Y/n, how long are we going to do this? Huh? Are we gonna be those parents that drag their kids through hell?” “Don’t do that. I can’t do this right now.” “So when are we going to do this? Talk things out?” “I don’t know Eddie. It’s only been a month.” “We need to talk about this.” “No. I need time. Time away from you. I’ll tell you when I’m ready to talk to you.” I went to shut the door on Eddie but he put his hand there to stop it. “I miss you Y/n. Christopher missed you.” “I miss Christopher too. He’s more than welcome over here, because you’re pissed with Buck you won’t let him over here.” Eddie was quiet. “Eddie, I want to move forward but I need to do it at my own pace. The way you’re behaving isn’t helping. I mean I feel like you aren’t even sorry.” “I am sorry. I will always be sorry for what I did. Not only because I hurt you but because I destroyed everything we built when I did it. I’m so sorry Y/n.” “I hear you Eddie I do, but I still need time. Okay?” “Alright. I’ll go. I love you y/n.” I still loved Eddie but I didn’t know if I was in love with him anymore. “Goodbye, Eddie.” Time went on and eventually Buck came home. “Hey, where’s Alex?” “She’s spending the night at Maddie and Chim’s house.” “I thought the house wasn’t done and what clothes is she going to wear?” “Our daughter is a sneaky one. She put her clothes in my truck along with a sleeping bag. How am I supposed to say no to that?” “I’m sure it’s really easy but she’s got you wrapped around her finger.” “Yeah, she does.” Buck came and sat down beside me on the couch. “So it’s just the two of us tonight, what are we doing? “I was thinking of doing something a little risky…” “Oh really?” “Oh yeah.” “How risky we talking?” “Oh you know, I’m gonna change and slip into something a little more comfortable, and then…” “Then what?” “We’re gonna eat so much ice cream our guts explode and watch trashy reality tv.” “Now that’s what I’m talking about.” Buck said. We’d always had that joking relationship that could be borderline sexual but now that we actually live together the sexual part was definitely a no-no. “I’ll be back.” I went upstairs to change. “What kind of ice cream we doing tonight, Rocky road or fudge?” “Ooh, let’s do a rocky road tonight.” I started to change when I felt a warm sensation in my pants. I looked down at my now ruined pants and noticed blood. I carefully rushed down the stairs. Buck was facing away from me but heard me come down the stairs. “You changed already, that was fast.” He turned around and saw my expression. “What’s the matter?” “I’m bleeding.” I could tell Buck wasn’t catching on to what I was saying. “Like down there.” Buck became a panicked nervous mess. “Oh my god! Okay. Let me grab my shoes and my keys and we’ll throw you in the car.” Before I could say anything he darted off. He looked around the front door and then made his way into the living room. “Where are my shoes? Where are my keys?” “Buck calm down. Your keys are on the hook and your shoes are in the room. I’m gonna put on a pad and change, while I’m doing that, call Dr.Manning.” “Alright.” I went into the room changed and put on a pad in case of more bleeding. When I came back down, Buck was waiting on me. “Dr.Manning is going to meet us at the hospital.” “Okay.” We made our way downstairs and got into the car when I realized I forgot to call Eddie. I went to reach my phone and couldn’t find it. “Buck, can you call Eddie? I left my phone inside the loft.” “Yeah of course.” Buck called Eddie but it went straight to voicemail. “Hey Eddie, I’m taking Y/n to the hospital to see Dr.Manning. Call me back when you get this,” He hung up and turned towards me. “Are you okay? Are you in pain?” “No, I'm doing okay, just the bleeding.” I was trying to keep a leveled head but my mind was racing. It was going to places I didn’t want it to go. “You know when I was pregnant with Alex I had a scare kind of like this. I was in the hospital for 2 days. They said her heart rate was low and there was a chance I could lose her. What if I lose this baby Buck?” My tears were threatening to spill from my eyes. Buck grabbed my hand and caressed it.“Don’t think like that. We’re going to see Dr.Manning and she’s going to tell us that that beautiful baby girl of yours is okay and whatever is happening is probably normal, okay?” “Okay. Thanks Buck.” “Of course.” He said as he kissed my hand. Buck and I arrived at the hospital where Dr.Manning was waiting. She ushered us into the ultrasound room and began to take a sonogram. “Okay, let’s take a look.” She moved the wand around and I saw how she squinted at the screen. “Here’s the baby right here. Let’s hear this heartbeat.” She moved over and I heard her heartbeat. It sounded good or at least I think. “That’s a strong and healthy heart beat right there.” I let out a relieved breath. She moved the wand around more until she stopped at this big blob. “Okay, here’s the problem. You’re suffering from Placenta previa. It’s when the placenta completely or partially covers the opening of the uterus. How bad was the bleeding?” “If I was on my period I would say it’s a light flow.” “And are you still bleeding now.” “No, I don't feel anything.” “I’m gonna keep you here for the rest of the night and monitor everything. In the morning I’ll let you know whether or not you’ll be discharged. Let me just say since it’s your second child it’s more than likely gonna resolve itself. What’s your birthing plan?” “I planned on doing a vaginal birth.” “Okay. We’re going to do more appointments than usual and if this resolves itself we can go ahead with that plan. If not we’re going to have to do a c-section delivery. Okay?” “Alright.” “Dad is more than welcome to stay if he would like. I’m going to make sure a room is prepared and ready for you. Let me know if you need anything.” I didn’t feel like correcting her about Buck in any way. “Okay.” She departed the room and Buck and I sat there almost as if we were waiting on the other person to say something first.” “Do you want me to stay with you?” Buck said, breaking the silence. “Only if you’d like to.” “Of course I would. Do you want me to go home and get anything?” “No I’m okay. It’s just for the night right?” “Right.” Soon a nurse came and brought us to the room we would be staying in for the night and we got comfortable. Sometime throughout the night the anxiety left me and before I knew it I was asleep. I was awoken by a nurse and Dr. Manning coming in. Buck was already awake. “Good morning. How are you feeling?” “I’m fine. Just nervous to be honest.” “Well I have good news, we found nothing concerning while monitoring you over night so that means you can go home. We’ll be having more frequent visits but I’m sure you have nothing to worry about.” “That’s great thanks doc.” Buck replied. “Just doing my job, but this does mean a few things. No moderate or strenuous exercise, heavy lifting, standing for long periods of time and sadly no sexual intercourse or sexual activity that could lead to orgasm. At least until the baby is born.” I wanted to dig a hole so deep and crawl in it. “Any followup questions?” “Nope, I’m good. You got any, Y/n?” Buck replied with a grin. “She’s covered everything. Thanks, we’ll be out of your hair now.” Dr. Manning said her goodbyes to us, leaving alone to brew in the awkwardness. “No sex until the baby gets here. Well I guess there’s no point in you living with me anymore.” I believe that was Buck’s bad attempt at a joke. “Haha, so funny. Besides it’s mostly if the issue doesn’t resolve itself I think.” I don’t know why I answered like it was a serious possibility. “Let’s go. I’m hungry.” I quickly made my way out of the room in order to avoid talking about this any further.

#Eddie Diaz #eddie díaz #eddie diaz x reader #evan buckley #evan buckley x reader #evan buck buckely #911 fic #911 fanfic #911 fandom #911 fox #911 on fox #911

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astrologicalsstuff · 10 months

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Composite Scorpio moon

I’m experiencing composite Scorpio moon for the first time and it’s genuinely one of the craziest experiences.

It kinda feels like Bella and Edward, like I want him so bad and I don’t know why, and I can’t understand why he wants me but we’re magnetized toward each other. It feels too intense like I want to escape but I also crave this kind of intimacy. He’s definitely intense too. And it’s so sexual. The eye contact got me going crazy!

As a disclaimer we have a lot of Pluto influence in our synastry his Pluto is exactly on my 8th house trine my mars square my Venus and moon in his 4th

And my Pluto is opposite his sun Mercury and mars but that’s generational.

Additionally he’s got Saturn and Jupiter in my 12th which I can also really feel so this a very watery synastry.

We have a very water dominant composite so I know it probably appeals to my cancer stellium more and I think it shows in how crazy I act but I don’t know if he can tell and I know he feels it too but I cannot fathom it’s this intense for him. I don’t know his birth time but the composite moon is directly opposite my ascendant so I know I’m really feeling that.

I’m obsessed and I can’t even stop myself because he so easily fans the fire. He is so patient and understanding it doesn’t even feel real but there’s such a seriousness with Saturn involved. It’s like I’m blackout drunk and the most sober I’ve ever been. I’ve read into our synastry and honestly it’s probably not so good it’s more neutral but when I am with him, when I talk to him… god it’s just like everything.

The tension is palpable we’ve gone to parties and everyone around us points us out even if we don’t talk it’s just like intense eye contact and everyone knows.

Being around him makes me so… Farrell … like all I want is to touch him and I’m never close enough but I’m terrified to get too close.

It’s almost animalistic like I want to devour him I love biting him and when he bites me.

I can tell that if we had sex it would change the relationship completely and probably for the better because this built up tension literally makes me act out but omg I really like this guy so much and it terrifies me. Every time he calls me and we talk I cry afterward just because he feels so good for me and I feel so intensely about him. I don’t think he’s the most conventional person, but somehow he says exactly what I need to hear and we don’t even know each other. His timing is so perfect too like even though we don’t know each others I feel like our lives are synced up. There’s definitely themes of possessiveness and commitment, and we can never do anything causally. We met the first day and I went off on him for something really stupid and I was being totally possessive over a made up scenario I conjured but I really sent it and we didn’t talk for months and when we started talking again he got a puppy and immediately called me after calling me the puppies step mom and I helped him pick out names for her.

Foreplay feels as intense as my best hookups and we haven’t even had sex.

The tension is like unbearable I’m realizing now that it would probably be different if we had sex but I’m afraid I’d literally just fall in love with him if we did and I know this one would fuck me up. I’m in my healing era but this man’s about to make me risk it but I don’t even know if it’s a risk because he is probably really good for me and what I need but I keep fighting it. Bottom line I’m scared.

His eyes are so dark when he talks to me and he can be so serious and it’s so sexy. we can literally be in a room full of people and it feels like it’s just us and everyone at the party was annoyed about it.

The funny thing about how we met is that my friend went to a party to meet his friend but his friend was flirting with every girl there so I was death staring his friend trying to show him I see what he was doing but he was too busy looking at other girls so I looked over at him (the guy I like) and glared with a passion trying to convey a “your friends so messed up for this” kinda look and the random girl I was with said he was giving me “the eyes” and I think that details funny because I was so mad at him and his friend. We ended up going downstairs to talk with my friend and me and him ended up by the balcony looking over the city and immediately I knew the girl I was dancing with was right about him being into me but I thought that was funny cause I was GLARING. but she came over to talk to him and he put his arm around my waist and I was sold on him. Taht immediate loyalty I’m only into you was so freaking sexy. Even when I went off on him LIKE A LITERAL CRAZY PERSON he was very understanding. He handles my intensity very well but that’s honestly not my favorite part of myself and he really brings it out. I keep blaming it on the alcohol but I really think it’s him, or at least the synastry.

Everything he does evokes a reaction out of me, and part of it is from trauma but he’s uncovering all these fears I didn’t know i had.

I read somewhere that these people with Scorpio moon composite need to take breaks from time to time cause it just gets too intense and I feel that but honestly I can never tell if it’s just a break. Or at least for me it’s that and I fixate on if I’ll ever see him again. We’re not talking again, but I needed a little break from the intensity anyway.

We’re not talking now…

#astrology #astro placements #astro observations #astro chart #love astrology #astroblr #synastry #pluto aspects #venus square pluto #composite

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pedropascalsx · 1 year

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the joel miller diaries; diary entry #43.

joel miller x f! reader

summary: you update your diary after a long day hiking with cramps.

warnings: brief mention of masturbation, some pining, angst, mention of arguments, mentions of periods, mentions of cramps, brief mention of forced reproduction.

rating: mature.

word count: 950.

a/n: no physical description for reader. idk what this is. i’ll make this occasionally. it’s fun to write sometimes.

It’s one of those days, everything has feeling, and the only thing worth craving is numbness.

My body is betraying me, it’s punishing me for not giving it a child. The cramps are unbearable, and I feel dirty no matter how many times I scrub myself clean. Well the best I can, when he lets us stop.

We haven’t really stopped moving in days, and when we do it’s to sleep or eat and he’s clearly unhappy that I keep drifting off to find somewhere to wash myself. It feels like a sick joke that my body is doing this to me… I’ve heard that some people don’t menstruate anymore, that the living conditions, lack of decent nutrients and just poor health have made their bodies stop their cycles.

But it’s like clockwork for me, no respite, the second week of every month it comes. I heard someone tell Joel that people are hunting down those who can still reproduce; see if a new generation is immune to the hell we live in. I doubt it. I don’t know if it’s true, but he didn’t let us stop walking for days after hearing that. We walked and walked until the only thing that surrounded us was the wind and the cold hard ground we were walking on.

I think it frightened him, he doesn’t ask too many questions, but I think he worries for the girl now. Even more so than before. Me? Maybe not so much. But I think if they came for us, he’d protect us both.

We walked until she threw a tantrum, they argued and then they both sulked. He reluctantly let us find shelter and mumbled angrily about her attitude and her lack of respect. She didn’t mince her words, nor did she mumble, she called him some things that made him scowl harder than usual. And then he boiled some water and dumped in a bunch of rice. She was less miserable with some food in her tummy and so was he. She fell asleep with her head resting against my shoulder. I let her stay like that for a bit longer than he liked, but she rarely lets anyone provide her with comfort and it was just nice to give her a cuddle for a change.

We’re spending tonight in a cottage, abandoned of course, I can’t imagine who lived in this place before it all started. It’s the middle of nowhere and the wind makes the whole structure shake. It feels like one particularly strong gust would just blow the whole thing away.

But still it’s safe. It was empty and Joel was able to push a bookcase in front of the door… not that anyone would be disturbing us here.

She’s sleeping in the bedroom, all sprawled out and hopefully dreaming of nice things. She usually wakes in a good mood after sleeping on something that isn’t just solid ground, so I'm hopeful tomorrow will be less stressful.

Joel will sleep on the ratty sofa and I’ll take the floor. Which I don’t mind. The cramps aren’t easing up and I don’t want to disturb him by making the springs creek everytime I attempt to find a comfortable position. One I’m doubtful I’ll find.

He's reading a book right now, something he picked up off of the bookshelf and just threw himself into. It would have been nice to have talked today, I needed my voice to be heard, but I am not in the business of risking this. I don’t know how long he’ll deal with a straggler. God, if it wasn’t for Ellie, I’d still be stuck by myself… or I'd be dead or even worse. I could be holed up in some sick factory in which I’m forced to procreate with a stranger. Forced to give up something that is not for the taking and have my whole sense of self worth be evaluated on just how fertile I am. Not that I have a lot of self worth these days.

I kind of like the way he snores… is that weird? It’s oddly comforting. I think it’s really because I don’t like the silence. I was alone for longer than I can calculate and silence just reminds me of the hell I was living. Things are better now though. I think.

The cramping on the other hand… I want to cry out. I want my pain to be known because I’ve convinced myself that it will make it better. It won’t. But it would be nice to give into one of the two urges that are violently racking my body right now.

Screaming out loud in pain or pleasure. I learned that touching myself there helps when the pain is particularly bad. The rush of pleasure usually lingers long enough to help me sleep, but I’m not alone anymore. And I know what I'd think about. I know who I’d think about and I don’t think I’d be able to look him in the face tomorrow morning when he grumbles something to me about how a cup of coffee would fix everything right now.

Maybe there’s some instant coffee in the pantry, it wasn’t well stocked and I’m pretty sure most of what was left in there is bad. But instant coffee tends to last for years and years. I’ll search for some before he wakes up, when there’s enough light filtering through the windows to make it easier to see.

And for now, I’ll accept my fate. No sleep tonight. No relief tonight. But at least I have the sounds he unknowingly lets fill the air to keep my company.

And maybe tomorrow will be better.

#the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x ofc #joel miller x oc #joel miller x you #tlou fanfiction #my fanfiction #my fanfic

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luvrgrrl · 6 months

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another letter

you ask me how can i even like you and i know it’s over. i’ve been asked that question too many times not to know it means you don’t know how to treat me right. yet i have hope. because my love wasn’t destroyed after the last time i was asked this question. and i think i might want you to have this love now. please help me stop missing him. please replace him. please take my love for him and pass it onto you. please make me forget his laugh and his lips. replace all those memories with thoughts of you. i don’t want to hurt anymore, i want to keep loving. you walked into my world, please run in it. sprint through my paths so fast that i have to build new ones for you. rewire my brain. give me a fix. i want to be fixed. i want to be solved. when will the chimpanzee stop banging on the walls of my skull. let me share the noise. i’ll make it pretty for you. i’ll turn the raw echoes into the strings of a violin. i’m hungry to be eaten. i hope you like me on a plate. i hope you like the metal of my blood. please don’t put salt on my organs. don’t season the meat i butchered for you. i’ll cut my skin into hearts. i’ll cut out the scars. i’ll smooth myself out so i can be a plush ground for your bare feet. dig the past out of me. free me. plant so many flowers in my dirt that their roots leave no gaps.

but you don’t. you haven’t planted a single seed. when he uprooted himself from me, his roots left tunnels. and they’re still empty. not even worms live down there. flood me. wash the dirt back into my hollows.

and i can’t count on you to do any of the above. as much as you want me, you don’t want me enough. and that’s fine. what else can i say? that’s life. we don’t get the things we aim for or the people we crave. i want him back and you want to fuck me. if only an orgasm could fix me. i’d probably cry afterwards if you give me one now. you won’t free me and you won’t fix me. release never really comes.

i fall asleep to the slow booms of my heart. i’m not here but i’m alive still. i just keep waking up. i crave nothingness so deeply. i’d say goodbye to the clouds, and the sun, and the sky. i’d trade all these men for the one i used to have. if i could sacrifice them, i would. i can only like you so genuinely when i still love him. but that love doesn’t matter anymore. he’s dead. he removed himself from my life. all my branches fell off. i can never have any of it back, no matter how much i water the same tree. even if i planted the fallen branches, i still wouldn’t grow him back.

#creative writing #love letters #heartbreak #love quotes #love poetry #lovers #lost love #spilled heart #spilled words #spilled feelings #prose #aesthetic #spilled thoughts #my writing #spilled poetry

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 2 years

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Old Bones Aflame (Part 42)

90% sure that I'm nearing the end of this fic. I anticipated about 3 or 4 more chapters give or take and then I'll be starting the next one. May or may not take a break to work on some Azula week prompts and finish a Swan Queen even before diving into the next thing.

Azula finds herself a comfortable log to sit upon, the one that Hama had dragged over there a while back so that she would have a place to rest. She will leave the Avatar to find his own place to sit. Evidently, the grass is comfy enough for him.

“What did you want to talk about, Azula?”

“What was it like for you when you died? After you came back, I mean.”

Aang furrows his brows. “What do you mean?”

“Did you have all of your memories? Were they in order?”

His look of puzzlement only deepens. “Yeah, I had no problems with my memory. I was a little confused when I woke up with hair and on a Fire Nation ship but everything else was in order. Why? Are you having trouble with your memories?”

“Not anymore.” She replies simply. “I suppose that there are a few things that are no longer in chronological order but it isn’t a big deal. Those things are mostly insignificant moments, anyhow.”

“Is everything else okay?” He asks.

“What did your appetite look like when you first came back?” She returns with a question and then a second. “And your sleeping pattern?”

Again he fixes her with a quizzical expression, this one is dashed with concern. “Azula…”

“Answer the questions, Avatar.”

“Normal.” He replies and her heart sinks. “I guess I had some trouble sleeping but that’s because I just let the entire Earth Kingdom down. But other than that, normal for me.”

“Right. That’s all I needed to know.”

“Azula, are you having trouble sleeping and eating?”

She shrugs. “I don’t need to do either anymore. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve eaten anything. I feel fine. I haven’t slept in that long either. I am fully alert and I don’t feel tired. I suppose I should be happy, I’m more efficient now.” More efficient and less human.

“That bothers you, doesn’t it?”

“Why would it?” She asks. “I have the advantage. I don’t feel pain either, would you like to see?” She draws out the pin cushion that Hama had told her to hold onto for a moment.

“That’s not necessary, you don’t have to hurt yourself–”

“But I won’t be hurting myself.”

“You still bleed, right?”

Azula nods.

“Then you’re still hurting yourself. Just because you can’t feel it, doesn’t mean that you aren’t hurt.”

She shrugs and shifts herself about on the log. Her fingers brush against the spongy, moist moss beneath. “And that’s no bother to me. I was getting sick of feeling pain anyhow.” And yet she finds that she craves it intensely. She almost wants to sever her other hand just to see if she’d be able to feel that. Maybe superficial pricks, cuts, and burns simply aren’t enough…

“Maybe we can take you to the spirit Oasis and see if that would help.”

“I’m not interested in journeying anywhere with you and your friends. “You can’t guarantee that Zuzu won’t turn that bison of yours around and take me to some prison or ward instead. I’ll find my own way there if I ever decide to humor the idea.”

Aang nods. “I can’t make you go if you don’t want to go. But I can let them know that you might be coming by and put in an Avatar’s request that they help you out. Just don’t…”

“Destroy anything, kill or maim anyone, use it as the first step in a plot to take over the Water Tribes…I get the gist, Avatar.” She sighs. “I told you already that I’m content with my bones, my geode, and this gaggle of idiots.” She gestures towards the house. “And Hama.”

“Why is Hama separate from the rest of the gaggle?”

“She has a degree of intelligence and common sense.” Azula replies. “Anyhow, thank you for speaking with me.”

“Yeah, it’s no big deal.” Aang smiles. “I don’t hate you, Azula. We were all just kids fighting a war that was meant for our parents to take care of.”

“Oh, because they handled that so well…”

“Sorry, I should be more careful…”

She lifts her hand. “It won’t do any good to dodge subjects. Father treated me as well as he was capable of. Mother is gone and even if she weren’t she’d be gone from my life. I found a new one, Zuzu can have Ursa.”

“That’s kind of really depressing.”

“I don’t feel sad.”

He opens his mouth but she answers before he can ask. “I can still feel emotions. Just not physical pain. And Ursa doesn’t bother me. Acceptance or something of that nature.” She plucks a few longer blades of grass from her shoe. “I have Hama in the same way that Zuzu has Iroh.”

“Are you sure that you don’t want a ride to the Northern Water Tribe?”

“I’m sure, Avatar. I actually had a few other plans to get to first.”

“If you change your mind, we’ll be in Honoki a bit longer.”

“If things go as planned, I won’t be.”

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Hama #Found Family #Fanfiction

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godsg111rl · 2 years

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a note for you:

I love you. No, I’m not just saying that because it sounds sweet… or because it’s what you think I think you want to hear. I love you because I have made the conscious choice to. I love every part of you and every thing that makes you you. I love your tender heart. I love your intelligence. I love your brilliance. I love how you strive to pour good into this world. I love how your eyes smile when you smile. I love your passion. And if I had the choice, I could go on and on and on about all the beautiful things about you that I love so much.

I am sorry for ever being a source of your confusion, pain, self doubt, insecurities, and all things negative. The world beats you down enough and I don’t need to be of any assistance in that department. Instead of all of the ugly, hateful, and hurtful things I’ve said to you, I wish instead to say this… You are the most amazing, beautiful, god like experience I’ve ever had on this planet. You make me feel a way that even a million bucks could never. I value you so much and your worth is never of question. Because you’re very much worth it on any day no matter what you may think or think I think.

Your heart is so big. So beautiful. So compassionate. I love it. I love you. I wish I could rid you of the negativity I’ve put onto you but know that it’s far too late for that. Instead, I offer you space… to be. I offer you grace… to flourish. I offer you patience… something I’ve never had or been well at. I offer you the same understanding, time, and dedication I wish someone would’ve offered me when I embarked on my healing journey.

See, I know you’re healing. And I love the fruits of your labor. Every day I see you become more of the man that we all know you are… can be… every day I see you walk in your enlightened path… and it makes me soak. It turns me on to see you grow so far into you that who you are is no longer of question. You are light. You are love. You are worth it all and then some.

I am so sorry that I’ve taken on these demons. Truth is, I don’t like to drink. Just like I didn’t really fancy smoking either. Those things aren’t me. I am a victim of society as much as you are. And I can say sorry until I’m blue in the face but sorry doesn’t cut it. You know that just as well as I do. But I am sorry. Im sorry that I let my heart break spiral out of control in this manner. I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel half as bad as I’ve felt in the past.

I crave your attention. Right now I want to be talking to you but I know I can’t because you need your space just as much as you need time. And I respect that. Just like believe it or not, I respect you.

I’d give the moon, sunsets, sunflower seeds, beach, blueberries, art, and even life for you. Because that’s just how much you mean to me. And you’re worth it all. You’re more than worth it. You’ve always been worth it.

I pray for you. You ask me not to but I do. Because I love you. And I will always love you. I’ve tried to stop loving you and I’ve never failed at anything more in my life. You matter to me and I love you. You are valid. You are heard. You are loved my love.

Today I realized that I’ve gotten so accustomed to being the victim that I haven’t been real with myself about all the times I’ve been the villain. Especially in your story. And I am sorry.

Love shouldn’t be this hard. And it isn’t this hard. But I’ve made it that way for us both. I want to right my wrongs but don’t even know where to start. I want to give you what you want most. I want to speak life into you. I want to water you because I love watching you grow. I want to continue growing together and I know that the ugliness like dirt is a part of the growth process.

You are more than enough. And I’ll wait for you. In this lifetime and the next and the next and the next and so on and so forth. Take as much time as you need.

#JLC #0326 #‘14foL

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neverluckygoldfish · 6 months

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27 -

Life creeps up on you - I’ve slipped back into it and have gotten a little disconnected from my greater She.

Too much worrying about the future & unknowns, caught up in trying to control it. True, there have been a ton of changes in the past few weeks and there are more still to come (hello big cross state move in two weeks!!).

I feel a little numb. Also I’m on welly b and let me tell you that the increase in anxiety is so REAL. I feel on edge and a sense of foreboding. I haven’t slept for more than 4-5 hours a night in weeks. And those hours are spent tossing and turning. I keep waking up in panic mode, having nightmares. But we just adjusted the dosage so hopefully things improve. They have to.

With that being said, I recently hit 60 days of sobriety. I barely even acknowledged it because we were busy flying back and had gotten some really awful news that day. In fact, I’ve felt more of a craving to drink. But I don’t want to start the clock over and that keeps me going.

I feel stressed. And I don’t know how to let it go. It’s just sitting in my chest, heavy and tight.

The hospital slammed me with a $35k bill for 3 days because that’s our healthcare system. Fuck, I don’t know how I’m going to manage that seeing as I’m unemployed and living off of savings. But I’m allowing the fear and stress to enter me and sitting with it. What will it show me?

Part of me feels like I’m going to implode. Like I’m teetering at the edge of a cliff.

I tend to focus on the negative - negativity bias, I think it’s called. I’m always searching for something to fix within myself, my life. And I’ve stopped prioritizing my mental wellness.

Once I get something down, I move on quickly to the next thing. Before I know it, I’m eating skittles for breakfast / not drinking water / feeling tightness in my chest / ignoring meals / pulling out my hair / unable to sleep all over again. I need to give these things time to form habits that will actually stick.

Blame ADHD and the dopamine rush lol

So a gentle reminder for me to pause, slow down, focus on the good because I have so much to be thankful for.

Gratitude list:

My rock, my life partner, my best friend - my husband. Our love is full of understanding, compassion, trust, laughter, kindness, honesty & affection. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Life dreams. We are moving to the PNW in two weeks! It’s really happening. I’ve dreamed of living there (maybe romanticized it a little lol and no, not because of twilight *rolls eyes*) my whole life and now I am doing it!

My body. It’s not as skinny as it was but that is a good thing. I have been waging war against it - filling it with poison, not supplying its essential needs, neglecting it. But it stays true to me and has not let me down health wise even through addiction. I have more energy these days and my thinking isn’t so cloudy.

Therapy. Having access to therapy & finding a good therapist is a privilege.

My mom. We don’t agree and she drives me nuts. But truly, she wants me to be happy and although overbearing at times, she protects me and anchors me.

Friends - I have some really good people in my life. I must not be so terrible as I think I am in my head if so many people love me LOL. But I have friends who have shown me grace and understanding as I try to navigate who I am now.

Recovery. I’ve been sober and am committed to staying sober. What a beautiful blessing and something I used to think was totally impossible.

Good food. Been cooking my own meals with loads of veggies and fruit - let me tell you that quality makes a difference. I firmly believe in a holistic approach to healing, not just taking a pill and calling it good.

Haven’t felt much of a desire to journal. Have spent way too much time trolling social media and it’s slowly having an impact. Pulling me back into the black, the space of self-loathing and hopelessness.

So I am making some changes. Going back to the basics. To be continued I suppose.

#self love #healing #recovery #mental health #sobriety #healing journey #addiction recovery #depression recovery #alcoholism

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purplesurveys · 1 year

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1618

Do you often find yourself eating just because you're bored? Hmm, not really. I usually feed myself only once the feeling of hunger starts to become too uncomfortable. As for being bored...I have a small stomach as it is (even when hungry), so eating when I’m not even craving anything would typically make me waste food, which I never want to end up doing.

Have you ever peed with the bathroom door open? Only when nobody is home, or when I’m sure no one’s gonna walk past at that moment.

Have you ever heard of the Japanese Chin dog breed before this survey? Sure, but only because I’ve seen this survey go around every now and then.

Have you or anyone you know been to rehab? No. Do we even have reputable rehab centers here? That’s more of a question to myself, by the way... because I don’t think we have any. Filipino culture tends to just shame whoever’s struggling and never actually comes up with the means to help.

Do you wish your family was bigger or smaller? I don’t have an opinion; I don’t see why family size should be something I should be actively caring about.

Are you a sex addict? No.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend taken from you? Nope.

If so, what would you like to do to the person who took them from you? I can’t relate.

Have you ever been cheated on? If so, have you forgiven them? I haven’t been cheated on, at least I don’t think I’ve been.

Quick! Tell me the name of your favorite movie. Two for the Road.

Are you a teen mom? Nope.

Say you had a baby with the last person you touched, what's the last name? I’m not sharing surnames of anyone from my circle. Besides, I don’t even remember who I last got into physical contact with hahaha.

Do you wear make up? Never unless I’m going to a work event or if I’ve got big plans with my friends. I like how I look with makeup but it’s just too much work.

Do you wear water bras? Idek what that is?

If you aren't a girl, have you ever stuffed your pants? I’m a girl.

Have you ever sent an anon hate message, be honest now. NEVER. What is the fucking point. Don’t be an ass.

Biggest fear, pick ONE. Getting caught in a fire.

The only place your singing sounds good is in the shower. True or false? No I suck there too. Would you let someone give you a golden shower for a million dollars? When it comes down to it? I probably would; 50 million pesos is a shitload of money that can last me 10 lifetimes. I can also easily spend half of it washing myself up LMAO so whatever. But I also know that this is most definitely one of those easier-said-than-done scenarios, so I don’t know what I’d actually decide.

If not, how much money would they have to pay you? I already took up the hypothetical offer, so.

Have you ever swung on a tire swing? I don’t think I have actually.

Have you ever swung on a swing so high, you feared your life? Not me, but my aunts who used to watch me.

Best quality in a guy, pick one. Funny and independent. Describe your perfect first date. If we can go to a museum where we can stroll and appreciate on our own and they don’t chat me up the entire time, that would be great. Then dinner somewhere fancyish but not too snobby; and some sort of fun activity afterwards like darts or bowling or going to a stand-up show.

Is this the Krusty Krab? God I’m glad this survey is ending.

First thing that comes to your mind when I say Giggity The dude from Family Guy.

What's the grossest thing that dogs do? My dogs have done all sorts of weird things that nothing really fazes me now.

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dialovers-translations · 3 years

Text

DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Vol.6 Sakamaki Laito [TRACK 4]

Original title: 直線

Source: Diabolik Lovers Daylight Vol. 6 Sakamaki Laito

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Hirakawa Daisuke

Translator’s note: All I have to say about this track is big O O F. Laito snapping near the end is both terrifying as well as extremey fascinating. While I would not want him as my boyfriend in a million years, I always find myself enjoying his drama CDs (at least the non-fanservice ones) very much before of how they portray his emotional development.

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 + Epilogue

→ LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

TRACK 4: EYE-TO-EYE

*Ding・dongー Ding・dongー*

Laito enters the infirmary.

*Rattle*

“...! ...Are you okay, Bitch-chan? I heard you collapsed in the middle of class.”

You nod.

[00:29] “You honestly shouldn’t push yourself to come to school if you’re feeling unwell, you know? You really are serious about the strangest things.”

You try and play it off as simply feeling a little under the weather.

“...’A little’, you say? You’ve been shaky in your step and experiencing pain quite often as of late, haven’t you? No matter how much of a hopeless masochist you may be, I really wish you would monitor your own health a little better.”

You apologize.

[01:03] “...You’ve lost quite a bit of weight, huh?”

You raise your head.

“Are you aware...Of how hollow your cheeks have become?

You frown.

“If you won’t sleep...How about you eat something instead? At this rate, there won’t be any flesh left for me to sink my fangs into.”

You shrug.

[01:31] “There’s plenty of food for humans to enjoy, right? With so many things to choose from, I’m sure there must be at least something which sounds appetizing, no? Try your hardest to find something! Personally, I’d like for you to get to a weight where it feels nice and cozy to rest my head in your lap.”

You mention craving sweets.

“Sweets, huh? Those are quite nice, aren’t they? I like macarons myself as well, so I wouldn’t mind enjoying a couple together.”

You say sorry.

[02:08] “...! Did you...apologize just now?”

You nod.

“Why would you...say sorry? ...What? Did you do something which calls for an apology? Hey? If you didn’t, then don’t be saying sorry. ...This isn’t your fault, is it? Or am I wrong?”

You apologize once more.

[02:46] “Tsk…! Didn’t you…(mumbles) hear me just now!?”

You tilt your head to the side.

“...Didn’t I just tell you not to apologize!? Why would you need to say sorry!? Your condition...it’s all that woman’s fault, isn’t it? I’ve told you plenty of times that you’re not to blame, so why would you apologize!?”

You protest.

[03:15] “Are you going to make up excuses now? What are you going to say? What are you going to do? Is this something you can fix yourself…!?”

You flinch.

“You’re always quick to put the blame on yourself, aren’t you? Does that magically solve the issue? Will it provide any help? It doesn’t, does it? Point being, there is absolutely no reason for you to beat yourself up over this!”

You suddenly clutch your chest.

[03:37] “...! Hey...Are you okay!?”

*Rustle*

“Does it hurt!? Can you breathe…!?”

You continue coughing.

“Aah, god! Stop talking already! ...Hold on one second!”

Laito goes to fetch you a glass of water.

[03:59] “Haah...Here, some water! Drink this! It’ll help with the coughing!”

You thank him.

“...It’s because you pushed yourself to speak. You should keep quiet when I tell you to shut up. ...Understood?”

You nod.

“...Anyway! Just get some rest for now, okay?”

You agree.

[04:31] “Go ahead and hog that bed all for yourself until the end of the school day, okay? I mean, little cowards like you rarely get the chance to skip class otherwise, right?”

You giggle.

“I’ll come get you when classes are over, okay? ...See you.”

Laito leaves the room.

*Rattle*

*TIMESKIP*

*Rustle rustle*

[05:15] “Ugh...Haah...It’s no use...I can’t sleep at all…”

[05:27] ( I decided to distance myself from her for a while. Even when we ran into each other, I would always avoid direct eye contact. And today, after coming face-to-face with her for the first time in a while, I realized just how much her condition had worsened. I had been turning a blind eye to her, exactly because I knew this would happen. I felt as if karma had come back to bite me in the ass hard. As I try to fall asleep, the image of her sickly appearance laying in the infirmary bed remains vividly engraved in the back of my mind. )

[06:20] “...Uu…Uu...What is going on…? What is...causing all of this…? Is it because of that woman’s heart? Or maybeーー? ...Hah! Who cares about the reason. Either way, there’s nothing that can be done about it. However, at this rate, she will...Aah! God! Fuck! ...What is happening!? Ughー!”

*Thud*

[07:10] “Haah, haah...Vampires are stronger than humans are, and we have various abilities as well. I could easily break this wall if I wanted to. Butーー Right now, I haven’t been any help to her whatsoever. The best I can do is hold off from sucking her blood. I can’t have a doctor look at her. Nor am I capable of taking out her heart to examine it myself. While I’m sitting here doing nothing, her health deteriorates day by day. ...Hah!”

*Rustle*

[08:02] “ーー Kuh! What should I do…!? Aah...This sucks...Even my chest is aching now...I don’t get it…! Did I catch her disease? No way, right? The inside of my chest feels heavy, painful...and restless...I feel as if I’m going mad...Uu...AAAAAAAH!!!!”

“Fuck…”

*Thud*

[08:42] “Fuck! Fuck! These feelings…!! I…don’t need them!! I don’t want them! I don’t!! Haah…Haah…These feelings…aren’t mine…It’d be bad to have them inside of me…Right? Uu…I mean…I’m Laito. Sakamaki Laito. A Vampire who gets around by lying and deceiving without giving it a second thought.

[09:25] …I have no use for deep sentiments. They’re not something I’m meant to hold. I’ve lived my whole life that way, haven’t I!? Ugh…This doesn’t make any sense! There’s something off…Something wrong with me! …I have to fix this…I have to go back to who I used to be. By feeling this way, I’ll no longer be myself. Haah, haah…”

He suddenly perks up.

[10:02] “...! Let’s get rid of them...Let’s just throw them out...Right! I can just get rid of these feelings! But how should I go about it? All of them! Every single one! ー But how? ...Aah...Right. Exactly. I get it now. I should just...Fufufu...I should just do this…”

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #laito sakamaki #diabolik lovers daylight #diabolik lovers translation #diabolik lovers drama cd #drama cd

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padawanlost · 3 years

Note

So I was on Quora the other day, and someone speculated that insecurity was at the root of Anakin's arrogance and apparent cockiness. I thought this through and it makes so much sense. He felt insecure in his place as a Jedi and had this constant need to prove himself. What's your take?

Personally, I’ve never seen Anakin as arrogant. I think he was *perceived* as arrogant by the people around him but, internally, Anakin was also driven by insecurity (not egotism).

Because he was so insecure in a place where he knew he wasn’t accepted as he was, he overcompensated. It’s a very common behavior: I’ll try harder to prove myself. And because he was so powerful, his attempt to prove himself worthy was viewed as an attempt to show off.

The Jedi Council didn’t want me, either. Being the Chosen One didn’t count for anything. Master Yoda wouldn’t train me, or Windu. Every member of the Jedi Council had had something more pressing to do than help him work out what this terrible, galaxy-changing power of his meant, and how he should live in its shadow. He still wasn’t sure. Anakin recalled standing there in that grand, polished Jedi Council Chamber, surrounded by what felt like fear, and disdain, and bewilderment—who were those Masters to feel bewildered, that the only person there who cared if he lived or died was Master Qui-Gon Jinn. And they stopped him training the Chosen One. Qui-Gon hadn’t cared what the Jedi Council said. He’d trained him anyway, a Padawan in all but name. Why am I thinking of all this now? Haven’t I put it behind me? Haven’t I had enough bad memories since then to take their place? Haven’t I vindicated Master Qui-Gon? [Karen Traviss. The Clone Wars]

Anakin enjoyed praise from Obi-Wan, but often became sullen when he was reprimanded. Obi-Wan assured him that he himself had been frequently reminded by Qui-Gon to be more mindful of the Force, but somehow even the slightest criticism managed to leave Anakin feeling stung. First they tell me to do my best, then they tell me I’ve gone too far! ANAKIN SKYWALKER IN THE RISE AND FALL OF DARTH VADER BY RYDER WINDHAM

Because Anakin had not been trained since infancy at the Temple like nearly all other Padawans, various Jedi Masters accepted the fact that he lacked the discipline of his fellow students. They were less accepting, however, of his arrogant behavior when he demonstrated his abilities. I’m more powerful with the Force than some of my instructors, Anakin thought, and they know it! ANAKIN SKYWALKER IN THE RISE AND FALL OF DARTH VADER BY RYDER WINDHAM

Despite Anakin’s desire to distance himself from the slave he had once been, he was unable, or unwilling, to shed the other aspects that had defined him on Tatooine. He still dreamed of glory, still craved adventure, and never lost his appetite for high-speed thrills and the desire to prove himself in competition. THE RISE AND FALL OF DARTH VADER BY RYDER WINDHAM

What evidence to we truly have that Anakin was arrogance beyond people calling him that? And considering most of his peers and superiors didn’t take much time to get to truly know him, I’d say their option can be considered biased:

Anakin was liked by the other students, but he had no close friends. He was not loved. Obi-Wan told himself that Anakin’s gifts naturally set him apart. But in his heart, he grieved for Anakin’s loneliness. JUDE WATSON [JEDI QUEST: THE WAY OF THE APPRENTICE]

Just when Anakin thought he’d passed that elusive finishing line that said adult, experienced, seen it all, he realized he was still twenty, Jedi or not, and the wounded boy in him still rose to the surface—provoked into angry violence, scared of abandonment, and still in need of approval. KAREN TRAVISS [STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS NOVELIZATION]

[Obi-Wan] knew, glancing at his Padawan’s eager face, that Anakin meant well from the bottom of his heart. If Obi-Wan saw a shadow on that heart, he knew it would pain his Padawan to know it. In many ways, Anakin was still a boy. A wounded, loving, anxious boy with great gifts he did not fully understand. Yet he was also a young man, close to maturity, who could do great harm. To others, yes. To himself, most of all JUDE WATSON [JEDI QUEST: THE SCHOOL OF FEAR]

“I just…” Anakin stopped. He took a ragged breath. “I thought you would be proud of me.” I am proud of you. Obi-Wan wanted to say the words. They were true. He was proud of so much in Anakin. But now was not the time to tell him that. Or was it? JUDE WATSON [JEDI QUEST: THE SCHOOL OF FEAR]

Fixing broken machines was like a meditation. Fixing broken machines was an antidote to every pain, every loss, every fear, every defeat. Fixing broken machines kept him from going mad. CLONE WARS GAMBIT: STEALTH

This doesn’t sound like some who thinks that highly of himself.

“Master…,” he said hesitantly, “I know I’ve… disappointed you in these past few days. I have been arrogant. I have… not been very appreciative of your training, and what’s worse, of your friendship. I offer no excuse, Master. My frustration with the Council… I know that none of it is your fault, and I apologize. For all of it. Your friendship means everything to me.”

Interestingly enough, Obi-wan says it best:

You are very observant, Ferus, but you must accept that I know him better than you,” Obi-Wan said carefully. “Anakin can be arrogant. I know that. But he is also learning and growing. He is respectful of his great power. He does not abuse it. He is younger than you, but he has seen much injustice, many terrible things. I do not think it so wrong that he wants to change things. You must understand that it isn’t ambition that drives him. It is compassion. OBI-WAN KENOBI IN STAR WARS – JEDI QUEST: THE CHANGING OF THE GUARD BY JUDE WATSON

Yes. Anakin can act arrogantly. We all can. It’s part of being human and flawed. but that doesn’t mean that was ALL Anakin was. More often than not, Anakin was motivated by fear, love, kindess and, yes, even hate.

Taking them, she looked up at him and shook her head, even though it still ached. “It’s odd. You’re nothing like I expected.” “Why?” he said, perching on the edge of the nearby chair. “What did you expect?” “I don’t know,” she said, floundering. “I can’t say I’ve ever given the Jedi much thought. I mean, not as individuals. I never expected to meet one—let alone two. I don’t tend to go places where your skills are needed. But—well—you’re gentle.” That made him smile. “As opposed to what?” She swallowed the pain-tabs, washing them down with a mouthful of water. “Oh. You know. The HoloNet news—it portrays as you as this—this—heroic warrior. Larger than life. Charging into battle, lightsaber flashing. Scourge of the Separatists. That kind of thing.” She shrugged. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

Because of Hayden’s Anakin being do disliked and, of course, because of the TCW wonky characterization everyday we are seeing more and more people embracing the idea of arrogant idiot Anakin. even if such characterization is not supported by the movies, the lore and basic common sense.

People use Obi-wan’s words in AOTC against Anakin but the truth is, as shown above, Obi-wan himself later recognizes that Anakin is not arrogant (even if he sometimes act that away). Besides, using AOTC to show Anakin’s arrogance doesn’t make much sense because of Hayden’s acting. Anakin doesn’t act like some arrogant prick for most of the movie. if anything, AOTC is a great of example of Anakin’s submissive and insecure behavior.

At last, let’s not forget that the same people calling Anakin arrogant were also facing the same criticism:

“But he still has much to learn, Master,” Obi-Wan explained. “His skills have made him … well, arrogant.” “Yes, yes,” Yoda agreed. “It’s a flaw more and more common among Jedi. Too sure of themselves, they are. Even the older, more experienced Jedi.” [R.A. Salvatore. Attack of the Clones]

People seem to forget that Anakin was in his early 20s when he ‘died’. Show me a teenager or a young adult who’ve never acted arrogantly and i’ll show you a liar. So why is Anakin the only one getting shit for that?

So, yeah, i agree. Anakin wasn’t motivated by arrogance. He was motivated by fear and insecurity, byproducts of his childhood trauma and years of grooming and emotional neglect.

#ask #englishlady #anakin skywalker #sw meta #meta: anakin #txt

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hwrryscherry · 3 years

Text

The one where the reader is a singer

characters: HARRY x SINGER!Y/N

blurb: The reader is finishing up her brand-new album and as Harry comes to visit her on her last day of working in the studio, he gets to react to one of her songs, 34+35.

word count: 1.9K

author's note: HI GUYS! It’s been a week I think? Anyway, I’ll get back to school tomorrow so idk when imma post the next request but I’m hoping that it will be soon! Anyway, I want to thank y’all for the love and support on my writing and I hope that the anon who asked this likes it as much as I did. Never forget that you’re so golden and tpwk. AND ALSO, HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY TO HARRY!

You took a deep breath right after asking for the track to be played again. To everyone else the track was perfect, but it was different for you. It just felt like something was missing and you didn't know what. And god, you were tired. You were so genuinely exhausted that if you sit up in a chair and stay silent for more than five minutes you'll simply fall asleep. You felt your eyes heaving at every blink of yours and it was only 5 pm, but you were in this studio for so long. You were inside this place for 36 hours now with no shower and no sleep. You did eat but now you were hungry again.Your shoulders were tensed up, and you couldn't feel comfortable anywhere. Not in the couch, not in the chair, not in the floor and not even stand up. All you genuinely demanded right now was to be home under your bed sheets curled up with your boyfriend of four years while taking many naps or watching many movies, but no, you needed to have this done. You needed the album to be done and were extremely thrilled to release it to your fans that were excited as well. But yes, you were so frickin' tired.

— Again... — You repeated after a long and sharp breath listening to some groans from your coworkers. You all have been listening to this one song for about an hour and a half now and you haven't actually changed anything yet. — I know, I know, and I'm sorry guys, it's just not right!

— Maybe you think it's not right, but it is and you're just making a huge deal about it. — One of your co-workers said. A girl, Lucy, one of your friends as well. You turned your head to stare at her face and gave her that glaze that made her shrug her shoulders because of it — Alright, I'm sorry.

— I'm not making a huge deal. It's just not right, and I feel like the entire album is so great and this is just wrong. Like... — You said standing up from the couch you were sitten in and walked to the table with the computers on to grab the one paper you used to write this song. You stared at it in your hands for a while as you read the letters. — See, here is the problem. So here it's "you drink it just like water" and then suddenly comes "so what you doin' tonight?", it doesn't make sense, there's something missing in here. — You go through the lyrics again as you hear more groans from the people in the room — And honestly, I'm disappointed with myself for the rest. I need to change it so badly, but I have no idea on how.

— No problem, love — You naturally said referring to his previous apologies.

That's when you hear the sound of the door being opened. You rise your head to look at the door and see Harry, your boyfriend, walking into the room with some paper bags in his hands that contained burgers directly from In-N-Out, which was in fact your favorite Los Angeles burger place ever. He arrived in silence, trying not to make a noise for fear that you were recording something but you could note his surprised expression when he saw everyone was looking at him instead of recording.

— Sorry guys, I didn't want to disturb you. I was passing by and wanted to check up! — Harry said as he closed the door behind him and walked farther into the room. You smiled tenderly when you saw the figure of the man walking closer to you. You haven't seen each other personally in some days, and he consistently secured you so much spiritual peace, he just had such a light energy and it made you feel so good — And also y’all had been stealing my girl for so long now! — He joked getting a slight laugh from everyone inside the studio. He approached you by wrapping your waist with one of his arms around your waist and sealing your lips together as he bends down a little.

— And Harry, technically she is maintaining us here and not the other way around — Lucy said in an ironic tone causing you to look at her quickly before letting out a deep breath and lowering your head by rubbing your sleepless eyes with the help of your hands, probably a negative result of sleep. Harry reflected the girl's words and then looked at you carefully before placing the bags on the coffee table that was next to the studio sofa.

— Why? What happened? — Harry asked encountering his gaze with yours as he crossed his arms and observed you raising your hand that contained the papers with the lyrics of your new song.

— I can't write a proper ending that I genuinely like! — You said, sounding frustrated to everyone in that room.

— The ending is good! — Another of your friends, Jaden, said as he got up and picked up one of the bags Harry had brought and then started walking again to sit on the sofa.

— Jaden, you in silence is everything to me! — You said in a mocking tone while running your hand through your hair — But you understand, don't you? — You asked Harry because he has experience with such a specific subject — It's not that it's bad, it's that I don't feel like it's ready!

— I get it! But have you already recorded? — Harry asked softly in his understanding tone. He more than anyone in this room comprehended exactly what you were feeling and he would do his best to help you since you did the same with him so many times before.

— Yes, twenty times! — Jaden murmured a little before taking a bite of one of the burgers that Harry had brought. Harry couldn't hold back the laugh when he heard the boy, as they knew each other well and Harry knew all his sassiness was based on nothing more than hunger.

— Let me hear it, so I can have some ideas to help! — Harry said looking at you, and then noticing your reaction. Your eyes widened at the man's request. It wasn't fear. It was just an apprehension and that made Harry extremely curious — What?

— Well... It's a little... — You said in a lower tone seeking your words.

— Promiscuous and indulgent! — Lucy and Jaden completed your sentence making Harry look at her and the boy sitting on the sofa and then Harry raised one of his eyebrows and looked at you with a smirk on his lips.

— Uh, is it about me? — Harry asked in a mocking tone, waiting for the answer that would raise his ego, of course.

— Look, let's not specify anything — You said quickly and nervously looking at the smirk on your boyfriend's face — Ok, Trevor, play the song right for the love of god! — You said getting a laugh out of Harry, Jaden and Lucy due to your despair in ending this matter.

And Trevor did as you asked and put the song on. You sat down on the bench near the wall and crossed your arms while watching Harry's reactions. The soon as the song started everyone could notice your voice and the rhythm of it that matched the beat.

You may think I’m crazy

The way I’ve been craving

If I put it quite plainly

Just give me them babies

You could notice Harry bouncing his head on the rhythm of the song as a sign that he liked it because you knew that he only did that to songs that he likes. And you also noticed a small smile when he listened to the end of this verse because he did remember all the times you both had talked about having a baby before.

So what you doin’ tonight?

Better say doin’ you right

Watching movies

But we ain’t seen a thing tonight

Again you noticed the smirk and you did smirk as well because you both knew the lack of ability that you had to watch any movie that lasted longer than two hours and you almost ended not watching anything.

I don’t wanna keep you up

But assuming can you keep it up

‘Cause then I’d like to keep you up

So maybe Imma keep you up

Boy

Harry wasn’t looking at you, though. He was looking at the floor while bouncing his head and paying attention to the song as he was trying to catch the vibe of it and honestly you don’t know if it’s the song that had this vibe but he was looking way too hot to handle at this moment.

I’ve been drinking coffe

And I’ve been eating healthy

Know I get squeaky, yeah

Saving all my energy

Now the chorus was about to start and you were actually excited and nervous to see Harry’s reaction of it. You two have been dating for four years now. He probably understood any little detail of this song more than anyone else.

Can you stay up all night?

F**k me till the daylight

34 35

You started to hold back your laugh as Harry lifted his head up fastly with winded eyes and a surprised look so he could face you. It wasn’t actually your style to write songs that promiscuous so he was actually surprised at it even though he loved it. He had a smile on his face though and so did you.

The song kept playing as the words repeated itself and it stopped just after the second chorus so Harry passed his hands through his hair as you waited for his opinion on it. Honestly, Harry’s opinion about your music is extremely important to you because you cherish and admire him way too much and love his songs so you hope that he does too with yours.

— So... What do you think? — You asked anxiously waiting for his opinion. The truth is Harry had already listened to all the songs on his new album except this one.

— I like it! — Harry said with a smile on his lips making you breathe a sigh of relief — Maybe I can help write the rest, but they really didn't lie and it's great. The beat is good and the lyrics are catchy and everything will be fine. The point, my love, is that you are too worried! — Harry said as he approached you, placing his big, strong hands on your shoulders and massaging them lightly feeling all the tension in your muscles slowly dissolving — Relax, it's amazing! You got it!

With Harry's help, you finished the song in less than an hour. When you recorded the rest and listened, you felt that now it was ready and now you could go home with him. It was simply incredible to know you could always count on him and to know that while you were together creativity would be present and life wouldn't be boring. After all, you had each other and had the art.

#hwrryscherry #hwrryscherryxreader #harry and y/n #harry styles and y/n #harry x reader #harry styles au #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles blurb #harry styles x y/n #boyfriend harry styles #harry styles imagines #harry styles imagine

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mrsgiovanna · 3 years

Text

Crimson (Dhampir! Don Giorno x Wife! Reader)

Those of you who have been here for a while would have suffered through my intermittent constant ramblings about scenarios in which Giorno's vampiric tendencies start to awaken. To the nonnies who requested this, here you go my loves.

TW: Blood mentions

Word Count: 2.4k

The sunshine felt glorious on your skin as you lounged next to the pool while Giorno completed a few more laps in the water before he was set to join you. Something felt amiss as you watched him aggressively swim in the huge body of water like a caged shark, but you attributed it to him needing to work off some of the stress of leading Passione. Finally satisfied with his efforts, he emerged from the pool, water clinging to his body and dripping from his hair, he would have looked like Neptune incarnate if it wasn’t for the angry red sunburn marring his otherwise flawless form.

“Gio, your skin looks so inflamed, let me help you,” he walked right past you, prompting you to follow him into the house. “My love, are you alright? Let me at least put something on you to…”

“Stop faffing, I’ll be fine, I think I just need some rest, you can go back to what you were doing,” snapped Giorno, in a harsher tone than he intended, in fact, he didn’t mean to be as short with you at all, and grimaced at his words, but he needed to get away from there as soon as he possibly could to not alarm you as this isn’t the first time he has experienced this, although, it is the first time it has happened in front of you.

You tried to hide your dejection at his behavior, you pulled on an oversized shirt, went inside and decided to work on some of your reports in the sunroom instead. Upstairs, in the bathroom of the master bedroom, stood Giorno in front of the golden-framed mirror. Before his ruby-tainted eyes, his burns had healed without him consciously summoning his stand… was it done subconsciously? His question remained unanswered, looking himself in the eyes, he realized that they still bore a crimson tinge to them. Dismissing it to simple chemical irritation, he took a cool shower and mulled over his exchange with you, growing ever more remorseful of how he dismissed your concern. Getting rid of the last bit remnants of water from his hair, he set out to find you to and apologize for his behavior.

Finding you bundled in the corner of the sunroom, musing over a few documents, Giorno just stood at the entrance admiring your beauty. You looked so cute wearing his shirt, the concentration furrowing your delicate brows and placing a pout on your lips.

“Tesoro? May I speak to you?” his voice was gentle, a far cry from the way he sounded before. You looked up from the documents you were working on and offered him a strained smile.

“Gio, I thought you wanted to rest for a bit…”

“I did bella, but that’s not important right now… I’m sorry… for the way I acted before, you were just showing your concern and I behaved like an idiot. Please forgive me…” walking towards you, he seated himself next to you.

“Well, you were very mean to me, but I’ll forgive you just this once… only because you asked so nicely, next time it won’t be so easy for you Don Giovanna,” you said with a smirk, breaking into a small giggle when he grimaced at the epithet.

“Come here bella- nice shirt by the way, it looks very familiar…”

“Oh, it’s just something I found lying around… you know what they say, finders’ keepers,” with a gentle smile at your remark, he peppered your face with soft kisses and made sure you got comfortable on his lap, so he could hold you while you worked, his mind though, was preoccupied with the events that occurred of late.

In the next few days both you and Giorno were busy with your respective tasks, and as much as you wanted to dismiss his distant demeanor on how busy you both were, you knew that he was uncharacteristically withdrawn from you. Giving him the space he needed, you met his aloofness with your usual calm kindness. Needing to discuss a few work-related issues with Giorno, you decided to go see him rather than wait for him to come home.

“(y/n)- bella, this is a nice surprise. To what do I owe this pleasure?” he still had that charming velvety quality to his voice that made you feel, for a split second, like things were back to normal, but the strained way in which he kissed your cheek told you otherwise. He considered you for a moment, staring at you with his slightly reddened eyes.

“Are you wearing a new perfume?” inhaling the air around you sharply, he posed his question to you.

“No my love, it’s the same scent you like, the one I wear most often”

“Oh? You just smell so sweet, it’s wonderful,” Giorno’s words are muffled as he buries his nose into your neck and places a small kiss there, rigidly pulling away almost instantly, the red sheen becoming more pronounced in his eyes. Guarded, he stepped away from you and with a tense smile he completed what you needed from him.

“I’ll see you at home then,”

“Of course tesoro…” distracted, Giorno kissed your forehead and you left, determined to get to the bottom of what was plaguing him. You knew that his origins were obscure. He didn’t have much of a relationship with his mother and you both learned the truth about his father after meeting with Dr. Kujo to resolve a few matters which required Giorno’s assistance. Recalling the conversation, you remembered the sordid business with Dio and the stone mask. Your blood ran cold when you considered the idea that Giorno could be going through a transition of sorts… it wasn’t a pleasant thought to entertain, however, you couldn’t think of another reason for his odd behavior and changes in his features.

You knew it was a risky idea… you knew that if he overheard your conversations he’d be furious… but you had to seek help from the one man who had encountered the type of being that Giorno shared his DNA with. Hating having to hide this from the man you had previously shared every mundane detail of your day with, you pressed on, and within the week that had passed you had learned all there was to know about his condition without actually having an expert examine him. You had unfortunately hit a wall, all the while, despite your best efforts, the rift between you and Giorno had continued to widen.

You sat up in bed engaging in a long distance call with a tired-sounding Jotaro, at that ungodly hour-alone- confident that you would be falling asleep beside a cold pillow, just as you had for the past 3 nights. “Is there anything that can be done from where I am? Dr. Kujo, please… I know you may be apprehensive given the history, I can assure you that, if by some stroke of misfortune, anything were to go awry I have enough faith in my abilities to contain him, I…”

“It’s not that, I trust that he isn’t a threat, despite what he’s experiencing. The thing is, we have already shared every bit of information we have in our possession with you. Anything else will require you to come here, the foundation has experts and the technology available to at least assess Giorno to determine a way forward from there,”

“I’ll try to get…”

“Who are you talking to?” the temperature in the room suddenly dropped when you heard the cold manner in which your husband addressed you.

“Oh! Giorno… I can explain… Dr. Kujo, please forgive my rudeness, but may we continue this later, at a suitable time for you?”

“Of course,”

“Thank you, I’ll be in touch…” moving from one impossibly difficult conversation to another, you turned your attention to Giorno who was seething at the doorway across from you.

“Care to explain?” the expression on your husband’s face was so cold it forced you to silently avert your gaze to gather your composure.

“(y/n), I’m waiting…” his footsteps resounded with a sharp clatter as he walked into the room.

“Gio… I’m worried about you. You think I haven’t noticed but I can see that you’ve changed. I see you agonizing over this… transition… you’re going through. Please don’t shut me out,” weeks of unexpressed feelings pooled in the corners of your eyes, threatening to spill out.

“(y/n) … this is something I have to do on my own, I… I don’t want to hurt you,” it was clear that Giorno did not want to have this conversation with you from his shaky disposition and the manner in which he spoke.

“What you’re doing right now is more hurtful than anything else! Watching you struggle like this, being so close to you, yet so far removed from each other,” emotions swirling uncontrolled, you choked out the words despite wanting to protect Giorno’s feelings.

“You don’t understand cara”

“Then make me understand, damn it Giorno!”

“Ahh! you think I don’t know what’s happening to me? I’ve been doing my own research as well. I know what my father was… I knowwhat I’m turning into! We both know… and you… the scent of you drives me insane. Rather than hurting you, I chose to stay away from you!” For a moment after his outburst, all you heard was silence save for the sound of Giorno’s breathing and your own heart pounding in your ears.

“You’re not him Gio, you never will be like him. and if your bloodlust is doing this to you, then please just let me help you… I’m your wife, if I can’t do this for you, who will?!”

“No! I won’t allow it. Will I even be human if I did? No… I can’t, and if I hurt you I’ll never forgive myself,”

“Gio, caro, I trust you entirely, I know you wouldn’t go too far, and if by some stroke of bad luck, you do, you can always use your stand ability to replace what was lost. I can’t stand seeing you like this… I love you so much… so please, if you need to… then do it, I’ll be okay,”

You saw the doubt flicker in his glossy eyes as he considered your argument. Inching closer towards him, you extend your hand to cup his cheek, cherishing the feeling of his faintly stubbled skin against your soft hand. He puts his hand over yours, leaning into your touch, he places a soft kiss into your palm. After craving your touch for so long, this felt heavenly to him, and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to let you go again after this. You picked up on his yearning, as it matched your own, and gently coaxed his face towards yours, kissing him gently at first, and then surrendering to your urges as Giorno hungrily deepened the kiss, burying his fingers into your hair. When he broke away, his gaze was intense, but marred by doubt. He flicked your hair over your shoulder and gingerly traced the vein on your neck, his thumb gently caressing your silken skin.

Sensing his trepidation, you try to allay his fears, “It’s alright my love, I’m ready… I’ll be okay.” Your hands wrap around his back while his lips find your neck, small kisses were placed in the prime spot, turning into little licks and laps, until finally you felt the sharp sting of Giorno’s teeth sinking into the supple flesh with a low hum from him. After the initial pain, the sensation was unlike anything you have ever experienced before, a newfound intimacy that came from knowing you were helping him through something so intense.

After a few moments, his hunger was satiated- at last, the feral intensity disappearing from his eyes, his teeth retracting to the same level as the others, Giorno cradled you in his arms.

“Tesoro, are you alright?” his voice was tender, and it seemed that he had finally returned to his old self.

“I’m alright my love,” you replied softly, your voice barely above a whisper. Giorno was overcome by a new wave of affection for you, watching you carefully, he lifted you up, despite your protests and carried you to bed.

“This will only hurt for second amore, but you will feel much better afterwards,” he explained as a familiar golden glow enveloped both you and him, slightly smarting the area that it healed until all evidence of the encounter had vanished. Clear eyes peered curiously into your own and were met with a relieved gaze- finally the crimson haze had cleared.

“How are you feeling my love? You look… different… calmer?” pushing yourself up on one arm, you sat up to face Giorno.

“I do feel calm, I feel like a spell has been lifted and I’m finally myself again…” anguish contorted the young don’s features as he thought back on the events that built up to that moment. “I’m so sorry, tesoro… I’ve treated you horribly over the past few weeks, there are no excuses, regardless of what was happening, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you… please forgive me,” unable to hold your gaze he just looked away dejectedly.

“Giorno… look at me…” you extended your arms towards him, gripping the sides of his face, gently turning him towards you. “We’re a team, we’ve fought against unimaginable things together, built an entire empire together, even changed the course of fate together… my point is that regardless of what you’re going through, it will never best us if handle it together,” offering you a tired smile, he grasped your hands in his and kissed them gently.

“You always know what to say… You’re pretty amazing, you know that?”

“Well, of course I’m amazing! Doesn’t hurt to hear it every once in a while though…” your laughter lightened the mood and tugged at the corners of Giorno’s full lips. Wordlessly, he climbed onto his side of the bed and motioned for you to take your place in his arms. It was the embrace that you both craved after the painful period of time you were estranged from each other. Hair still adorned with his triad of curls and still in his suit, Giorno fell asleep almost instantly after wrapping his arms around you and tucking your head under his chin.

Feeling as safe as you did, your exhaustion also weighed down your eyelids. You knew that the road would be a long one, but for now, the only thing that mattered was the fact that he was safe and happy, and you were in his embrace where you belonged. Relishing the warmth he radiated, you allowed yourself to drift into a peaceful slumber.

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chudleycanonficfest · 3 years

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Heart-Shaped Wreckage

Day 16, Story #2 is by @adenei

Title: Heart-Shaped Wreckage

Author: adenei

Pairing: Ron Weasley/Hermione Granger

Prompt: Songfic

Rating: T

TW: implied violence and near-death experience (but nothing explicit)

A/N: This is the part two follow-up to Rewrite the Stars.

************

Hermione’s hand trembles as she reaches over to her nightstand and turns on the light. She can’t sleep, which is a common occurrence as of late. Where she once relished in the quiet of her flat, now the serenity is too much to bear. She is running out of changes to make that will erase the worst, most painful decision of her life. The ultra-soft linens she purchased for her bed are anything but comforting and luxurious. They feel scratchy and cold, and the fresh and clean look of the white comforter with its floral patterns gives off more of a sterile vibe than the new slate she’d been hoping for. Instead, it serves as another stark reminder that all the vibrancy and color had evaporated from her life when she pushed Ron away.

It’s been 62 days since the disaster of the Auror gala, and 50 since Hermione’s received any form of contact from him. Ron has honored her wishes to break things off no matter how much it pained them both to do so. Part of her still wishes he’d floo into her fireplace or knock on her door, begging her to give them another chance. But she knows deep down none of that will ever happen. He is a man of respect, and he will always abide by her requests, even if she no longer wants to keep them herself.

It’s better this way. She reminds herself of the constant scrutiny they’d face if they stayed together, and the hurt and discomfort even at the mere thought indicate that her feelings haven’t changed. There is no way she could put him through that sort of subjection just so she can be selfish and happy. Their lives are too different, and they live in a world where the acceptance of all kinds of love doesn't exist.

So, in the grueling months since they ended things for a second time, Hermione has worked to make changes, some drastic, some minute, in an effort to force herself to move on. She is too proud to let anyone in her life know the pain that she feels with every conscious breath that she takes. Hermione has thrown herself into her work, staying at school late to mark papers, redecorate the classroom, or develop new lesson plans to benefit the students and create more hands-on experiences.

And once she realized that her preparation was complete through the end of next term, Hermione turned to her flat. Weekends have been spent on home projects. Painting the walls, updating the decor, and cleaning every square inch of her flat, all to help her forget.

But the problem is, her heart doesn’t want to forget. Every book she sits down to read reminds her of time spent with Ron. Her renewed efforts in the kitchen never fail to bring a smile or a chuckle to her lips as her mind traitorously wonders what Ron would think if he were here to observe the barely edible mess she’s created. Yet, Hermione is not naive enough to believe that it will change anything. She knows it won’t.

As she sits up in the enormous queen-sized bed, she reaches for the parchment that lays in tri-folds on the nightstand. The paper is worn, with visible wrinkles preventing it from lying flat and tear stains causing the corners to curl as she unfolds the delicate sheet. Hermione’s not sure why she’s opening the letter to read. She knows it won’t bring her the comfort she craves or the answers she desires.

The messy scrawl gives way to Ron’s only correspondence with her since the last time they spoke, and she latches onto it as if it’s the only life preserver on a capsizing vessel. It’s the only thing she has left. The only reminder of the life she could have had.

I’m not scared to tell the truth.

I went to hell and back and I went with you

Remind me what we were before,

When you said you are mine, and I am yours

Hermione,

There’s a lot I want to say and I’m not sure if I can fit it all in this letter, but I’m going to try. I never meant for any of this to happen, but I did mean everything I said that night. I’m not afraid to tell you how I feel. What we have, er, had, I guess, is special. I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life, and I don’t think I ever will. And it’s not just about the case and finding comfort in each other.

When we broke things off after graduation, I felt like a part of me was missing. The Auror academy kept me busy, and sure, my life moved on, but I wasn’t really happy. Not as happy as I was when we were together. And then fate brought us back together and we decided to make another go of it, that’s when I realized that you were what was missing. You make my life so much brighter, so meaningful, and I’m sorry if I sound like a sap, but I need you to know how I feel.

I would give up everything for you. Social status means nothing to me. If the Aurors sack me because of my personal relations, then so be it. I’ll work with George, or find something else. If my family can’t be supportive, then it will be their loss. I’m not willing to live in a world that doesn’t have you in it, and I refuse to give in to the Ministry’s stance on bloody purity.

I know this is all probably ‘too little, too late’ or whatever that Muggle saying is that you like to use, and I promise you I’m going to respect your wishes. But I had to tell you. I had to let you know because...well...there’s this mission that’s come up. It’s going to be bloody dangerous and Robards asked for volunteers because he knows how risky it’s going to be. Anyone who goes isn’t guaranteed to come back and, well, I won’t go into the details, but I volunteered to go.

I know, I know, I can hear you in the back of my head telling me that it’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done and not to throw my life away because we’re not together, but Hermione, it’s been twelve days and I can’t go on day to day like this. I can’t. Working is the only thing that eases the pain and gets my mind off of everything. I’ll be as safe as I can be, I promise.

I hope you find the happiness you deserve. You’re brilliant, always remember that. Just know that I love you, and it’s because I love you that I’m going to try to let go.

Ron

Tears threaten in Hermione’s eyes once again. It’s no different than every other time she reads the letter. Nothing has changed; Ron’s gone, still on his mission six weeks later and no end in sight. Hermione is sure this is the reason she’s not sleeping. With every passing day and no news of Ron’s whereabouts, she turns to the only object that can provide her with any source of comfort: the letter.

After three weeks of constant worrying and bags under her eyes so prevalent that even her eight-year-old students noticed, Hermione caved and wrote to Harry. Even though they can’t be together, she knows deep down that she can still care about his well-being.

Harry’s response had been timely and brief. He didn’t have details of the mission but reassured Hermione that no news is good news. Hermione thanked him and asked for updates if it wasn’t too much trouble. The two had been friendly in school, growing closer as her relationship with Ron blossomed as well. She didn’t expect his alliance to stray from his best friend but still appreciated his willingness to be cordial with her after everything she’d put Ron through.

“Please come home to me,” she whispers into the darkness.

Her heart aches more as her eyes hover over the parchment once more, searching for the three words that she knows she’ll never read too many times: I love you.

For some reason, this three a.m. readthrough hits differently. She carefully folds the parchment, places it back on the nightstand and turns off the light. There are still a few more hours left to find sleep.

Hermione tosses and turns as she attempts to focus on sleep and quieting her thoughts. At some point, a flash illuminates the night sky, and that’s when the pieces begin forming more vividly in her mind. The clap of thunder follows seconds later, and with it, a realization is born. As the rain begins its slow cadence of pitter-patters on the window, the brevity of Hermione’s decision hits her with the force of the storm strengthening outside.

I don’t know much, but I know myself

And I don’t want to love anybody else

So let’s break the spell and lift the curse

Remember when we fell for each other head first

There is only one question that forms in her mind. One question that surpasses any of the other thoughts she’s managed to cope with over the last two months.

What have I done?

None of her previous attempts to move past this matter anymore, even though it’s too late, and there’s nothing she can do.

Three days later, Hermione is finishing up her night-time routine when there’s a knock on her door. She looks at the antique clock on the wall that reads 10:45. Her heart plummets to her stomach. No one calls this late at night with good news. She stands frozen in place, amazed that the glass of water in her hand hasn’t spilled to the floor as a result of her shock.

Another knock, and Hermione manages to lift her feet from the floor. She reaches over and sets the glass on the counter before pulling her dressing gown tight around her waist. The carpet feels thick and heavy, as if her feet are wading through mud and sludge as she makes the torturous trek to the door. Five steps feel like five thousand. She’s sure all of this has happened in a matter of seconds, but it feels like minutes. Maybe the caller will be gone by the time her eye reaches the peephole.

Her hope is instantly quashed when she peers through the tiny circle to see an older gentleman that she doesn’t quite recognize at first. He’s wearing an overcoat and tan bowler hat, and is looking down at a torn piece of parchment. A pair of cerulean blue eyes drift back up to the number on her flat’s door, and that’s when the familiarity hits Hermione like a muggle slamming into the brick wall that separates platforms nine and ten at King’s Cross Station.

She can feel the blood drain from her face as dizziness overcomes her. Falling forward, she clasps onto the doorknob to steady herself. The noise catches the gentleman’s attention.

“Er, Ms. Granger. Are you home? It’s very important that I speak to you. Please, I mean no harm if you’ll open up.”

Hermione struggles to find her voice to respond. Her hands are shaking so violently that she can barely latch on to the deadbolt that has been fastened for the evening.

“Oh, er, please forgive me. We haven’t formally met, but it’s Mr. Weasley out here. Ron’s father.”

Hearing Ron’s name gives Hermione the strength that she needs to click the deadbolt to the left as she manages to turn the door handle with her other hand. Pulling the door open, she slowly looks up at the elder Weasley.

“Is—is everything okay?” Her voice is raw and weak, and she’s sure the shock is the only thing preventing the tears from pooling in her eyes.

“Er, no, it’s not. May I come in?” His eyes dart around, as if he doesn’t want to discuss the matter out in the open.

Hermione opens the door wider to let him in and manages to shut it when he’s through the entryway. Her free hand fiddles with her wand that’s still inside her pocket—just in case—though she fears no imminent threat from Ron’s father.

"Ms. Granger, I’m sorry for calling so late. I wouldn’t be here at all, actually, if it wasn’t for Harry mentioning—ah, well, that’s no matter...”

Mr. Weasley is rambling, and Hermione has trouble processing his words. Her breath catches at the mention of Harry’s name, which draws Mr. Weasley’s attention to her, helping him get to the point of his late-night visit.

“Ron’s been gravely injured. He’s at St. Mungo’s now. They brought him in an hour or so ago. Molly and I met Harry and Ginny there as soon as we heard. He’s stable for now, but the Healers are unsure if it will hold.”

Hermione grasps the back of the couch to keep from collapsing to the ground. A sob bursts from her throat as the tears that threatened moments ago now spill freely down her cheeks.

“Wh-what happened?”

The words are spoken with great effort.

“We don’t have many details. The Aurors are still trying to clean up loose ends on the mission, but it sounds like the operation was successful thanks to Ron’s efforts. One of the target’s accomplices hit Ron with an unknown spell before he was caught.”

Even through Hermione’s own devastation, she can hear the tremor in Ron’s father’s voice. He’s scared, though he’s hiding it well as he continues to explain what he knows. There’s a sheen in his eyes as the moisture appears, emotions raw as he finishes bringing Hermione up to speed.

“Everyone was apprehended, and Ron appears to be the only one who got hurt. We should know more in the coming hours.”

Hermione can only offer a blank stare as she processes the information. His letter said it would be a dangerous mission. He didn’t sound as if he was hopeful that he’d come back alive. Or maybe he was hoping—no, don’t think like that. It was her fault that he’d gone in the first place. By some miracle, he was still hanging on, and the haziness of Hermione’s previous decisions about their relationship begins to give way. The fact that his father is there in her flat informing her has to mean something.

“Why are you here?”

It comes out harsher than Hermione intends, but after their less than amicable meeting at the gala, Hermione can’t be bothered with pleasantries. Even if his wife’s behavior was ruder than his own.

The older man pulls out a handkerchief and wipes beads of sweat off his brow as he sighs deeply.

“Ms. Granger—”

“Hermione.”

“Right, yes, Hermione. I am aware that we did not get off on the right foot. I’m sorry I never introduced myself on the night of the gala. We weren’t expecting Ron to have a date. I’ll admit that Molly and I were ignorant in the way we treated you that night, and for that, I am sorry. Nothing can take back our words, nor can it change the way others view you based on your blood status, but please know how wrong we were.

“Ron was devastated after you broke things off after the gala, and I suppose that was largely due to our behavior. It’s clear to us how much he loves you, and we don’t want to stand in the way of that. So, when Harry mentioned you had asked for news and wanted to come tell you, I insisted that I should be the one to see you. Please don’t let our ignorance stand in the way of your happiness.”

Hermione stands there, listening to Arthur’s apology. While she appreciates the olive branch, part of her can’t help but feel that it’s too little, too late, and a new wave of tears flood her eyes as she sees those exact words in Ron’s letter. She offers a curt nod to let him know she appreciates the gesture, even as her voice can’t find the words.

“I won’t keep you. I should be getting back, but Ron is in room 408. You are on the approved list as a family member if you decide you want to see him, and Molly’s agreed to let you stay with him if you’d like.”

Arthur gives a weak nod as he dabs his forehead once more before making his way to the door. It takes Hermione a moment to realize what’s happening, and as soon as everything processes, she’s pushing herself off the back of the sofa and calling out to Arthur.

Look at this heart shaped wreckage

What have we done?

We’ve got scars from battles nobody won

We can start over, better

Both of us know if we just let the broken pieces

Let the broken pieces go

“I’m coming! Please, er, if you don’t mind waiting. I just need to get changed—”

“Of course.”

Arthur offers a paternal smile as Hermione rushes into her bedroom and throws on the first thing she can find. She almost forgets to grab her bag as she throws on her coat and locks the door behind her.

Moments later, they’re entering St. Mungo’s, and Mr. Weasley leads the way through the main hall to the lifts. It’s only as the gate shuts that nerves begin to bubble up in her stomach. She’s been running on the adrenaline of the news, and now she can’t help but wonder how the rest of Ron’s family will react when they see her. Or, what’s worse, how Ron will react if and when he wakes up.

When. It has to be when.

As if sensing her trepidation, Mr. Weasley places a reassuring hand on her shoulder. The lift opens, and the first person she sees is Harry in the waiting room. Her feet gravitate toward him of their own accord, and when Harry sees her, he meets her halfway and wraps her in a tight hug.

“He’s going to be okay. He has to,” Harry whispers in her ear.

Hermione nods, forcing her brain to believe his words. When they let go, Ginny hugs Hermione next, which helps her feel more relaxed.

Maybe this isn’t so bad after all.

After one final squeeze, Ginny lets go so Hermione can follow Arthur down the hall to Ron’s room. He opens the door, and Hermione enters the sterile, white room. The most color she sees is his shock of red hair against the fluffy white pillow that’s cradling his head. Her heart begins beating faster as she spots his mum sitting vigil at his side.

Mrs. Weasley looks up to see the two standing there. A hard, stony look immediately sets on her face in defense before it softens slightly. She stands and walks over to Hermione. She knows that she’ll have a harder time winning over the Weasley matriarch based on this interaction, but if Ron wakes up—and will take her back—she’s willing to do anything to make it work.

“Let’s give her some privacy, Molly. The healers will call us in if he wakes up,” Arthur coaxes his wife out of the room as he gives Hermione one last reassuring smile.

When the door closes behind them, Hermione walks up to the chair Molly was perched at and takes a seat. She moves the chair closer to the bed as she observes Ron in his sleeping state. A tear slips down her face as her hand reaches out to take his. It isn’t cold, but it’s also not as warm as she’s used to.

“Please wake up. You have to wake up,” she pleads, choking back a fresh wave of tears.

I can’t find you in the dark

Will we get back to who we are?

And I can’t fix this on my own

Our love is still the best thing I’ve ever known

She’s not sure how long she sits there, watching his chest slowly rise and fall as he breathes. No matter how hard she tries, Hermione can’t look away, for fear that his breathing might stop if she does. She’s so focused on his chest, that she doesn’t see his eyes flutter open.

“Er-my-nee.”

His voice is breathy, with more rasp than she’s used to, but she’d have given all the gold in her Gringotts vault to hear her name on his lips again if she had to. He lifts the hand that she’s holding, and Hermione leans in closer to press her face into it.

“You came,” he whispers.

Unable to contain herself any longer, she lifts off the seat and leans over him, capturing his lips with hers. They’re cracked and dry, no doubt from being undercover in who knows what kind of conditions, but none of that matters. Ron’s alive, and he’s kissing her back.

Look at this heart shaped wreckage

What have we done?

We’ve got scars from battles nobody won

We can start over, better

Both of us know if we just let the broken pieces

Let the broken pieces go

“I’m so sorry.” The apology seems frail as she mutters the words against his lips.

His other hand reaches up to tuck her hair behind her ear and wipe the tears from her face. “It’s okay.”

“Don’t ever do something that stupid again.”

“Only if you give me a reason not to.”

Let the broken pieces go

Just hold on to each other tonight

“I will, I promise.”

She pulls away to look into his tired, bright blue eyes that carry the hope she feels in her chest.

“Does that mean…?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t know what life is going to throw at me, Ron, but I only want to take it if you’re by my side.”

“It’s about time you came to your senses.”

The hand that’s still cupping her cheek adjusts to pull her back to him as he does his best to crash his lips into hers for a searing, though still tender, kiss. His breath is hot as he groans against her mouth, solidifying their reunification. There’s an unspoken agreement to let the broken pieces of the past go.

Tonight, they’ll start over, rewriting the stars to match their love story the way it’s meant to be.

#chudleycanonficfest2021 #HP fest #hp canon pairings #canon fest romantic #submission #tw: implied death #tw: implied violence #romione #ron weasley x hermione granger #hermione granger x ron weasley

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