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alexxncl · 10 days

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‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 34 SPOILERS‼️

masterlist | all lessons | lesson 33 | lesson 35

i might be getting ahead of myself here, but are we lilith ?? like is that what's happening rn ??? he's not saying mc's name, and raphael doesn't day their name in the next scene...if so then that's actually really fucking sad 💀

it makes sense though, belphie not wanting mc to go into his head bc he's still clinging to the past and doesn't want to lose them forever like he lost his little sister forever, especially since human life is so finite compared to that of a demon or an angel or a reaper

also it's obvious by his choice of words that despite him looking older, belphie is very, very young in his mindscape, just like mammon was. i feel like this also shows how close mams and belphie are even if it's not shown much on screen in the game, or at least how much belphie takes after mammon's, if not all of his older brothers traits, for better or worse

well nvm...i still think my theory is valid though. belphie wants to go back to his old life and end up not losing lilith, but still have mc with him

i wonder how similar mammon and belphie's bond in the celestial realm is to their bond in the devildom. is belphie still as reluctant to ask for help and advice openly? is the banter still the same? are there less insults? how does the age gap here cause them to treat each other differently if at all? or the lack of angelic status?

oh i'm gonna cry

big brother mammon will always have my heart and i need more of him

we know belphie's love of stars and constellations and the night sky in general started when he was in the celestial realm, and seeing it manifest in mammon in his mindscape makes my heart happy, even if mammon isn't the reason he became interested in astronomy (was it michael? lucifer? idk i don't remember)

i also think it's very interesting how belphie's brain is actively working against him "wanting to hide from mc". he literally said "i don't want you to see the inside of my mind" and is hiding away from them. i think, in reality and in his mindscape, he's running from the fact that he has to face his feelings about the idea of mc leaving to go to the "human realm" and the possibility of losing them forever like he lost lilith

this was (obviously) not beel speaking, but his inner thoughts in the shape and voice of beel. circling back to belphie having the best and worst traits of his brothers, his insecurity and need for reassurance rivals levi's, and we don't get to see it as blatantly because he masks it way better than levi does

ok so we're here in the timeline...interesting. how much time passed between luci and dia's first meeting and the celestial war? how much time had passed between the celestial war and mc's initial arrival to the devildom? how much had belphie aged?

angels and demons age different than humans do, and belphie doesn't feel any older than like...10 or 11 at the most, but beel seems older than that. maybe its his mind warping things to make himself seem and feel younger, but maybe he really was that young. was lilith even born at this point? how old was belphie during the time of the war ?????

also i'm mad we didn't get to see michael bc i wanna know what he looks like but oh well 🧍🏾

oh baby :((((

i'm not the biggest belphie fan AT ALL, at least canon belphie, but i think it's necessary to acknowledge how his trauma severely affects the way he acts. he went from blaming himself, to blaming an entire race of people for his sister's death. he feels like he should've been the one to die, even if it meant leaving his twin without him

now, if he got a proper redemption arc after lesson 16, THEN we could talk. i think the devs fumbled his character in that regard, but my hcs about his redemption will have to suffice for now

he didn't want mc to see this dark part of himself because he hates that he still has this mindset, that he's trapped in a cycle of "what ifs" and wishing it were him instead of her, constantly ruminating and letting his anger and grief fester without ever dealing with it properly and letting himself heal. he not only thinks he doesn't deserve to heal, but that he doesn't deserve to live long enough to see himself heal, that he doesnt deserve to live at all

WHY ARE YOU BEING DIFFICULT????

i mean i knew this would happen since its only lesson 34 and there's still 6 more to go...but damn

i love and hate the fact that he's so smart. like, they could easily just ask barbatos to send them back to the human realm if it was that serious. he's clearly taken a liking to them. lucifer knows something's up, and he won't forge a pact with them until he gets to the bottom of whatever's going on

initially, i thought it was a spell to bring them back since he'd been the one facilitating the trips into the brothers' mindscapes this whole time, but this is wayyy more interesting

i feel like the barbatoses communicate across timelines, or that their lives intermingle with each others' somehow, so whatever they feel for one person in a specific timeline is felt for ever version of them in every timeline. we know barbatos, at the very least, knows that kayden is an important person in the grand scheme of things, whether it be because of the way diavolo feels about them or because they play a large part in the obey me version of a canon event

if it's more than base level importance, we can assume that there's a level of trust and love that barbatos feels for mc that stretches across time (callback to the login screen's dialogue)

maybe he gave us the piece of the grimoire for a reason outside of belphie's mindscape escapades. what if this is how we gain lucifer's trust? if a demon as powerful as barbatos can give mc a piece of his grimoire, then he should be able to make a pact with them, seeing as they're trustworthy enough to be in cahoots with THE time demon

anyways barbatos is nightbringer and you can't tell me otherwise. unless you think it's michael. then i might hear you out...i'm stuck between thinking either of them is the titular character simply because of the simultaneous lack and abundabce of emphasis on michael's importance

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bonefall · 7 months

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How many Nightheart fans r former gifted kids and/or kids with mental disorders? I'm one, apparently you're one too, I think he's just nd coded

My Conspiracy Theory (tm) is that the writers didn't want to ACTUALLY portray a character who was trans/ND because they are cowards and fiends, but peppered in a bunch of lines of dialogue associated with it to draw in a certain crowd (me)

Like Nightheart fawning over Nightcloud, the constant self-doubt, "I see you, Nightheart."

But also, that assumes waaay more competence than they seem capable of. They can't even get details right between books in the same arc. Just a weird hunch I have-- and I'm keeping my eye out for an authorial statement that retroactively leans into it.

(which, if they have any brains at all, they will NOT do. The only thing worse than baiting is bait you're proud of.)

Anyway yeah, I think with Adamant Nightheart Likers... you kinda have two camps;

Contrarians: Unfortunately they do exist. They will hear any criticism of the books and double down on how it's actually divine inspiration. These people will write screeds on how Bumble had to die and are probably reading a different book that I've never heard of

"I Like The Concept" (the camp I'm in): Something's relatable about his anger issues. It's nice to see a character not just grappling with the legacy of Firestar, but actively rejecting it. We like him BECAUSE he's unreasonable. We LIKE the idea of a furious cringefail idiot who is the source of his own problems, people who snap back at him and then he believes he's the victim, and the thought that he'd either get worse or get better. There's a cool idea here.

Unfortunately, we're on book 3 as I write and it's obvious they aren't going in the direction books 1 and 2 seemed to be. Nightheart's arc with his mother, Sparkpelt, seems to have ended without meaningful self-reflection on Nightheart's part.

The wider narrative (as of book 3; there's still time to turn around) seems to be leaning towards the conclusion that Nightheart just needed to realize "his family loves him" and Sparkpelt has to be sorry for "not seeing him." They don't seem to see him as the problem in his relationships, which is disappointing

(Moonkitti's video, Not Orange, is a very fair critique)

But that said, like I went over, there's a lot that's really relatable about him as someone who had anger issues as a kid lmao. I REALLY love the idea of his sister who's every bit as awesome as he is cringe and that burning him a new one. I feel super bad for Sparkpelt and I love the angst potential of seeing her husband when she looks at him.

I love Squilf, I love Lilyheart. I love the way the only person Nightheart trusts is the only person who's never said no to him, and how Bramblestar can take advantage of that.

I wish his relationship with Sunbeam exploded and he brought out her worst qualities. I wish he had to grapple with the idea that he can't just "run away" from his problems in ThunderClan, because HE is the source of them. His situation is not like Dovewing's. He is the tar pit.

IDK MAN I just really like the stinky little nasty man. I like watching him get tangled up in his own web of self-pity, raising a superiority complex AND an inferiority complex at the same time. I want him to get better. I want him to be worse. I like to see what he does.

#Nightheart #warrior cats analysis #I'm excited to get to him when ASC ends and I start rewriting it #I'm going to enjoy writing him. I really like characters like this.#(guy who enjoys bojack) its like that one scene in bojack--#The tar pit thing <3

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xerith-42 · 28 days

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dude. xerith. idk if you saw my reblog of madcatlad’s post, BUT. they cooked. the issue on the table: nether withdrawals. i’m insane about this.

very much exploring the idea of the calling being more about fighting the addiction that is the nether itself for shadow knights, rather than purely the aggression part.

thoughts? musings?

Oh Cinn, oh Cinn you've brought my attention to something beautiful.

Little known fact about me because I'm still pretty decent about over sharing on the internet, addiction is something I've actually thrown hands with before. The idea of the Calling as an addiction to the Nether?? Now that's a concept I can latch onto.

I think that there could be ways to satiate withdrawal, but not in an exactly helpful way. The Calling is in Shadow Knights brains like "Oooh you wanna kill your loved ones and come back to the Nether soooo bad." But minor acts of violence and arson can make it shut up. Enough bloodshed, such as what happens at the Werewolf Wedding, is enough to make it so a knight isn't drawn to the idea of killing their loved one anymore because the urge for blood has been answered. Of course... Most Shadow Knights fighting the call aren't exactly happy when something like the Werewolf Wedding happens to them.

As for the urge of the Nether, they could always try to answer that with things that are like the Nether or remind them of it. Sitting by a fire, setting things on fire, sitting in a pool of hot water that can at least try and simulate lava, setting things on fire, existing in the bitter dry heat of an Arizonan morning, or setting things on fire. The Calling always responds best to the most violent solution, and even while trying to satiate it, it's still pulling at the mental strings of a knight to make the most violent decisions possible.

That idea of being able to sit by a fire instead of setting something ablaze really sucks for Knights who might have been traumatized by the Nether and struggle to be around fire for very long as a result, Laurance.

A lot of moments of a premature Shadow Knight lashing out aren't necessarily because the Calling is making them want to kill, it's because it's making them want to go back to something they know is bad for them. It's a drug that they've overdosed on and are trying to run away from still present in their veins and urging them to take another dose, regardless of its lethality. That kind of mental gymnastics and battle wears down at a person even when they aren't actively fighting. Even if they aren't in their head fighting the Calling and it's urges, it's still there. They still think about it.

Laurance doesn't want to go back to The Nether. He would rather die again than go back there. But when he sees the frame of a portal, when he's nearby one that's unstable, he has to fight. He has to fight his body and its urge to go back to that hell. Just one hit will make him feel better. Just a chance to touch netherack and breathe that ashy air will soothe his worries. Because being reminded of the Nether, even if it causes a trauma response, does cause a part of his brain to feel good. The Calling sees fire and gives him a shot of dopamine and excitement.

Wouldn't it just be so nice if he went back? If he didn't have to feel this constant drain? If he was in the Nether then the Calling would shut up, right? Wouldn't it be so amazing to just feel this good all the time? He's already dead, what damage can be done to his body afterwards?

Of course the Calling has two components, both addictive. One is of course the urge to go to the Nether. The other is that urge to kill your loved one and gain immortality. Doing one only makes the other feel stronger. Oh, you sat next to a Nether portal and made it so you're now comfortable in the over world? Bet you wanna kill your lord right about now, huh?

What's that, you actually killed your lord? Well, don't you just wanna come home to the Nether where you're surrounded by people who have all done the same and won't hate you for it? Go on, you know you want to.

Like everything else, it comes down to the Shadow Kings need to control. If he can make Shadow Knights into addicts of stuff directly associated with him, they'll be more loyal. They'll serve him to get a fix of bloodshed and hell fire. They'll come running back to him after ruining their lives for his enjoyment, and they'll fall at his feet for the chance to become a higher up in their army. He deprives them of everything they ever could have had and calls it freedom.

#not to like #get real personal #but I have been falling back into some of my vices due to an ongoing depressive episode #so being able to project this onto my favorite block shaped brain worms is really nice #hope you liked what I cooked up Cinn #you usually do :)#minecraft diaries #aphblr #text post #laurance zvahl #mcd #answering asks #minecraft diaries laurance #mcd laurance #shadow knights

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half-truths-and-hyperbole-louk · 3 months

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Louk's Bad Batch rewatch part 10 omg and 10 days until s3 👀

Lets go batchers 🤟

The Bad Batch 1x06

I love reading the aurebesh signs hehe

Omega nearly takes out a stranger and literally goes "teehee oopsie" I love her sm

Echo teaching her how to shoot 🥺

HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER 😭

Wrecker: "not exactly a natural is she" Hunter: *vague nod/shrug thing* 💀

I'd love to shoo cid out of the bar "scram" @ cid

Tech is playing arcade games !!!! 👀

"I assume you know what a tactical droid is" *3 voted yes, Omega voted no, Tech panicked*

I used to think cid telling the batch they work for her was a kinda funny scene but rewatching it now knowing what I know it just infuriates me 😡

"weak noodle arms" SHES JUST A BABY

"this old trick?" hehe like the one Han did in ESB 👀

"that's your plan? fly there, land, hope they don't spot us and walk in the door?" ~ Obi-Wan about Anakin's plan - me pretending Echo learned this from Anakin 🥺

poor Wrecker with heights, he's so brave fr I'm very proud 💕

"nighty night" 🤣

everyone is probably gonna hate me for saying this buuuuttt... I kinda wanna see more Martez sisters after this episode lol

Rafa: "grab a weapon" Omega: "I had one 😑"

y'all the banter between Hunter and Rafa 👀 the way he walks behind her with both blasters out

THE FLIP AND ROLL OMEGA DOES TO GRAB THE DROID HEAD !!!

"thanks" hehehe she's so cheeky

sibling banter

YOU'VE GOT THIS WRECKER 👑

Wrecker hits his head count: 7 👀

and he just got shot in the same place on his shoulder for the third time 🙃

"Good soldiers-" screaming sobbing exploding into another dimension

HELP HER TRACE

Omega screaming for Hunter 😭

plus Hunter's "hang on Omega!" *checking myself into therapy*

Hunter literally swinging in to save Omega like he's tarzan 👑

that "thank you" was SO sincere I'm going to go cry my eyes out forever

Trace grabbed Omega to pull her behind her 🥺

Rafa: "I still don't like you" Hunter: "I'm used to it" 🥲😂

okay but Wrecker fighting the chip, hearing Tech calling for him sounding so concerned, then Crosshair desperately saying "good soldiers follow orders" is incredibly painful to hear... but it's like he's hearing his brothers both desperately calling him to them, Crosshair's voice is like the chip trying to activate, he's frustrated and confused which is probably exactly how Wrecker feels right now, and Tech's voice is trying to bring Wrecker back away from the chip 🥲 like they're both tugging at his brain to go different directions or smth idk I'm emotional about them always

"is there an echo in here?" "Yes, I'm Echo" *salutes* he's just so silly and goofy and I know the domino squad is absolutely cackling rn 😂

Tech's little swirly flip of the datastick like Hunter does with his knife makes me think Tech can also use Hunter's knife and that is something I would love to see pls

Trace has her arm around Omega again! 🤲

Tech is so sneaky hehe

Omega: "it's all about tuning out distractions" SEE CID SHE TOOK ECHOS ADVICE AND NOW SHE'S FINE pfft "weak noodle arms" NO MA'AM

R7 💕💕💕

Omega is so excited about being in a seedy area lmaooo

Omega and Rafa waving at each other as they leave 🥺

Hunter talking about the right reasons I am feeling emotions again

hmm I wonder who this mysterious person on the holo could possibly be 🤔🤔🤔

yayyyy episide 6 done y'alls 💕 thanks for joining again ilysm

I'm going to be doing a lot more hehe because I was super busy for a few days and now my timing is off 🙃

see y'all next time for when the fit hits the shan 🤟

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mazeinthemiroh · 1 year

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ahhhhh could i perhaps request a little skz reaction? where their crush is a hot gym rat too and they see them at the gym at the same time frequently? i love my strong boys ;-;

stray kids reactions to their crush going to their gym

genre: general, slight crack?

warnings: none

pls like and reblog if you enjoy! feel free to request anything <3

bangchan

channie loves the gym, and regularly makes friends there. i mean, he's a social butterfly anyway, so he makes friends everywhere, no matter where he is! falling for someone in the gym doesn't come as a surprise to me. he's such a dork when he talks to you honestly, just smiling and giggling like an idiot he's so cute. he gets so excited going to the gym now, just so he can chat with you. idk he's smitten.

lee know

minho gets so irritated because when he's in the gym and working out, he's in the zone. nothing can stop him. he's doing his sit-ups, press ups, kick-boxing... suddenly you show up and he's distracted. he doesn't know why he has a massive, phat crush on you but he does and it gets on his nerves. every time he goes to the gym all he wants to do is just have any sort of interaction with you, which defeats the point. bless him, he doesn't know what to do.

changbin

i mean this guy LIVES at the gym so you're going to spend a lot of time with him whether you like it or not. bro he's so smooth with you. i mean the gym is his element. his territory. this is practically his house. so of course he's gonna have all the confidence in the world, and finds it extremely easy starting conversations with you, working out with you and, in time, getting to know you an awful lot more.

hyunjin

hyunjin does not go to the gym often. in fact, he actively avoids it. working out has never appealed to him, and the only reason why he stepped into a gym was because changbin dragged him along. and that's where he met you. now? he's trying to go to the gym as much as he can even though he hates it, just to catch mere glimpses of you and barely start a conversation with you.

han

hannie is fairly confident with regard to going to the gym, and he likes the idea of having a new gym partner. but falling for his gym partner wasn't part of his plan. long story short, he tries to impress you, and ends up over doing it. many muscles have been pulled out of place 🙏 rip. but he only went to the hospital once, so that's positive! since then, you gather that he likes you maybe too much lmao.

felix

literally thirsts over you. we all know how felix is when it comes to changbin and his muscles. it just makes sense for felix to pine after someone who likes working on their body. he admires it and he's just 😍 he's so giggly and goofy around you but also lowkey intimidated when you make conversation with him. he doesn't know how to react or respond to even casual conversation with you. i think this might be because he works out wayyy less than you do.

seungmin

like hyunjin, seungmin isn't too fond of the gym. still, he likes to work out here and there. and now, having a crush on you, he has much more of a motive to come. he doesn't really have any reason to be there so he's always making the same excuses. 'i'm just accompanying the others' he'll say before sitting on the rowing machine, not doing anything but rack his brains on ways to talk to you. bro drives himself crazy in that gym, i tell you.

jeongin

jeongin is surprisingly not as shy as one may have thought. he's just doing arm workouts, minding his own business, and suddenly he makes a friend. you. the conversation is quite minimal but it becomes a routine for you to see each other at the gym. it's the same time each day, in the same area of the gym. now suddenly jeongin has a gym partner... or a... gym crush? the feelings develop so quickly that he gets super confused about the whole thing.

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quodekash · 7 months

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GUESS WHAT BITCHES KANGSAILOM HAVE KISSED AND NOW ITS TIME FOR ME TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK BECAUSE OF THEM, ALL OVER AGAIN (im so hoping it doesnt take me 2-3 hours to watch this episode again but it honestly probably will)

I KNEW THE FRIKIN BACK PAIN THING WOULD COME BACK INTO PLAY

ISTG IF THESE BITCHES KILL HER THEY'LL ALL HAVE HELL TO PAY

NOT MY GRANDMA MILF GODDESS QUEEN SHIP-CAPTAIN

NOT ON MY WATCH

PFFFFFFFFT

oh honey

he's desperately pleading, he wants to tell him but he doesnt want to say it, he wants sailom to know what he's thinking and what he feels and what he wants and what he needs, but he still doesnt understand his own feelings and thoughts and desires

why did you kiss me? why aren't you talking to me properly? why are we here, in this locker room? why do you like me? do you like me? why can't everything be simple?

all condensed into a simple word

and he's avoiding eye contact, he cannot look at kang and he will not look at kang but it's not like it used to be, where he wouldn't look at kang because kang didn't deserve the respect, where he would only look at kang to smile and laugh at him because he doesnt fear him, no this time he wont look at him because he's afraid. afraid of the answer, afraid that he's wrong, afraid that he's right

AND HE WIPES HIS MOUTH

AND KANG IS WATCHING THE WIPE SO ATTENTIVELY

he sees sailom wipe his lips, rid himself of their kiss, rid himself of this conversation and of the fears and thoughts and questions and confusion, and kang just wants him to know what he feels but he doesnt know what he feels and the best he could put it was through that kiss, and kang had to watch as sailom removed any trace and feeling of it from his mouth

ouch

LOOK AT HIM

YOU CAN SEE HIS SWIRLING HURTING THOUGHTS

perth and chimon are both such astounding actors I cannot fathom them

PLENTY MORE CHANCES TO TALK TO EACH OTHER PROPERLY WHEN YOU'VE FIGURED OUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR MIND AND HEART

is this not post-patpran-rooftop-kiss-scene

its literally exactly the same

THE LITTLE LIP BITE I CANT

its the small little nuances and facial expressions and tiny reactions and thoughts communicated on their faces

is nuances the right word to use there? idk, it's fine

LMAO IM-

WAIT SO THIS QUESTION IS POPPED AT THE START OF THE EPISODE??? DAMNNNNN

MAN HE'S GOT A WAY WITH WORDS

and I mean that genuinely

WEAR YOUR SEATBELT BITCH, WHAT THE HELL

WHY IS NEITHER OF THEM WEARING THEIR SEATBELT

GUYS

DRIVING IS DANGEROUS

ITS A HIGH-RISK ACTIVITY

AND YEAH MAYBE A TINY STRIP ACROSS YOUR TORSO DOESNT SEEM LIKE IT DOES MUCH, BUT IT'S STILL BLOODY IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT COULD BE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BONK AND A SPLATTER IF YOU CATCH MY MEANING

SEATBELTS ARE IMPORTANT FOLKS

WEAR THEM

Y E S

HE OPENED THE FRIKIN DOOR

LETS GOOOOOOOOOO

are we finally gonna get the scene ive seen in the end credits so many times and die every time I see it where they're lying in bed together and smiling at each other and ghkerbgjksdb

FUGWE9JOGSBNVPIWEKGNPIVWEKNMSDGPOVKNERIPKDNGPBIVKERVLNDPOGIKNVEPORILKSNDGPBVOIKERNMD-OFPSGKJBVEPS

OML THE HITTING ON HIM SAGA/MONTAGE

THESE PARTS ARE ALWAYS SOME OF MY FAVOURITES

AND THESE TWO GOT TO IT A LOT FASTER THAN MOST OF THE OTHERS IVE SEEN GEUIRJGBKSD

GOUEWBJDSG THE BLOW KISS

HE'S SO UNASHAMED

IM LOSING MY MIND

THIS IS EVERYTHING I COULDVE DREAMED FOR

HOLY FRICK I LOVE HIM

THIS IS AMAZING

IM SOBBING FROM HOW HARD IM LAUGHING

I CANT GET OVER "ill eat you then, because I like you" LIKE DAMN BRO THAT WAS SMOOTH AND MY MIDNIGHT BRAIN SOMEHOW DIDNT SEE THAT VERY OBVIOUS FLIRT SETUP COMING AND I LOST IT

HIS HAPPY LITTLE SMILE OMG I CANT

fR I C K

it's okay it's okay, she just has a bad hip, she's not gonna die I swear she's not gonna die

also can we just take a moment to honour the mesh shirt kang's wearing?

savour the moment a bit longer...

let the moment of appreciation last...

okay that is all thank you for joining me in worship

A L S O let's just think about this. im guessing grandma and dad and that nurse are all going to the hospital.

whICH MEANS the two gay-ass teenagers who are gay-ass specifically for EACH OTHER are gonna be home alone in a huge-ass mansion for a while

I wonder what they could possibly spend their time doing

what are you eating, sailom 👀

THE HAND RESTING ON HIS SHOULDER

BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOUR MAKES A COMEBACK

THE EYEBROWS-- I CANT

they're really channelling the patpran this episode

and im so happy about it

"just go straight" lmao good luck with that one buddy

breaking news: it comes as a shock to absolutely no one: quodekash has, once again, run out of images. a new post will be made for your enjoyment shortly (but it wont be posted for at least an hour because I cannot watch things at a normal pace and the post wont be posted until I either run out of images or finish the episode, whichever comes first)

#quodekash disregards sleep because of dangerous romance #dangerous romance #dangerous romance series #dangerous romance the series #kangsailom #kanghansailom #sailomkang #sailomkanghan #perthchimon #chimonperth #perth tanapon #chimon wachirawit

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rocketyship · 6 months

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HEY! 🗣

Hi. 🙃

Hope you're gettin' yourself extra hydrated and well rested today! 😉

Anyways, I was just wondering. When are you gonna give us more art and backstory for that Becky With The Good Hair, huh? 😏

I *NEED* to know more about this cyborg beauty!! 😫

And uhh.. this may be weird of me to mention this but, even though I know it's not canon to your au, a small part of me in the back of my mind kinda ships her with AM, in like, an aloof Tsundere girl x Shy boy type of dynamic. (Can't name an example rn but hopefully you get it)

I mean,,, since the two of them are machine in some way (one more than the other) it just makes sense to me. Idk, my brain just comes up with crazy things sometimes. I just think they'd be cute. 🤷‍♀️😅

Hiiii!!!! Finally someone asks about Becky!!!

Okay so Becky (short for Rebecca obviously), is a very unique case amongst the survivors. For one, she only got placed in the sanctuary 10 years after the other four, during that time BE was “working on” and “saving” her. She is very distant from the others, possibly even more than Evan, but she doesn’t try to provoke BE like he does. Generally she rather likes BE and the sanctuary as opposed to the life she had before all this. I’ll probably go deeper into her backstory in a different post, as I have short comics planned for everyone like the one I did with Tiffany. But to simplify, she spent most of her life bedridden, in and out of hospital, not helped by her own personal belief that she wouldn’t amount to anything since the doctors commonly told her that she was unlikely to make it past 23. BUT HEY! HERE SHE IS! Fixed up by BE (Although she still has POTS, cause I have POTS so she can suffer with it to)! Due to BE enhancements, and rapid evolution she underwent pretty much, she is far more athletic, intelligent, and “odd” looking than the other survivors. Most of the time she is doing physical activities, I picture her the type that gets upset if she sits still too long. She also really likes dressing up; like more than anyone else in this au. And Gloria is happy to see her new clothes, same with BE, so why would she pass up on such a lovely opportunity.

And you know what? Adds some canon fuel to your ship

So even before you sent this ask, these two definitely do have a interesting dynamic. They are two sides of the same coin in a way. Becky is a human given robotic parts, whilst AM is a robot given human parts. And both of them do have a habit of just staring in mirrors for concerning periods of time just pondering their existence and if the body they are in is actually theirs.

Further more! I actually like shipping, I think it’s fun for everyone, so I really don’t mind you or anyone else shipping these characters as long as it’s not Naomi (for obvious reasons).

Anyhow have a good day!!!!

#i have no mouth and i must scream #ihnmaims #am ihnmaims #ted ihnmaims #ihnmaimsloveau #alternate reality #ellen ihnmaims #harlan ellison #digital art #digital illustration #ihnmaims au #gorrister ihnmaims #ihnmaims ted #ihnmaims am #ihnmaims ellen #ihnmaims love au #allied mastercomputer #fanfiction #world building

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nirogryphon · 2 days

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whats ur parallel fanon

i'm assuming you saw this post, right? are you talking about that specific guy? that's adzuki. idk if you're wanting headcanons about what i think about that boss or an oc lore dump. to me they're both, so that's what you're getting. it's gonna get long, get some popcorn.

in my splatoons world post-memverse runthrough, beans (my four) beg marina to let it out because he saw that it was sentient and wanted it to join his bf as a polycule. It's got a very similar level of kindness and whatnot to beans, but is extremely dry, blunt, and overall "emotionless" (not true, we'll get to that).

you see, i don't think parallel canon is 4, but merely a program made to mimic 4. Marina wanted one of the best in the NSS, so she asked Beans (instead of Ty, who was an elite, but then again, who got their ass handed to all those years ago again?) to offer up a brain scan to get a copy of that fighting skill of theirs for what would become the Parallel canons. Unfortunately, like with any technology, this wasn't perfect, especially with someone who was sanitized like how beans is. That scan ended up grabbing some other aspects of him, like a bit of his personality and, mainly, his fear of himself. He's gotten over it for the most part, at least that's what he thought anyways. When testing, fighting a perfect copy of yourself isn't going to pop up really at all, so this doesn't come up as an issue until Marina's released her little game for the sanitized to use, allowing the one freak scenario to arise.

The rogue code, formerly dormant, activates immediately when beans ends up confronting parallel canon. He's hesitant at first, but remembers it's not him, merely code made to look and fight like them. So, without much worry, he begins to charge at it for the fight, that code kicking in to overdrive and making it act the exact way beans would if it were the other way around. It retreats. It cries out, garbled, in supposed simulated fear. Beans stops in his tracks, staring down at the clone, only seeing his socked face staring back in the reflection of the mask.

This sparks a snowball effect of new programming being written without an author, a program learning, becoming sapient, alive. A scenario that forces one to confront something he wasn't fully ready for and another to realize what it is. Subsequent run attempts, the two keep learning about themselves and eachother in combat, regardless on if either of them like it, until eventually coming to a rather peaceful confrontation, a realization that neither want to hurt the other, and yadda yadda yadda something something long messy story short it's a reconnection with the self and learning to love oneself again. I don't want to get into detail here, I'm personally still torn on whether or not this exact part should be sfw or not, so, lol.

Regardless, it's still ultimately what the memverse was made for: helping the sanitized remember and become themselves again, and while it isn't an evil agent 4, what we got works way better with what I had already and it's just perfect.

As for adzuki itself, I'm not sure exactly the details on its anatomy when given the physical form outside of the memverse. I do want to stick to a very similar palette to what PC has in the memverse, as well as being made out of goo still, but does that mean it's a physical jelleton in the walking world? Don't know for sure yet. I'll work that out in time. Adzuki's voice is an AI recreation of Beans', sounding extremely similar, but obviously synthesized.

As for personality, Adzuki is a lot like beans in its ideals and bonds. However, due to being based off code not meant to emote or show tone, it struggles a lot in doing so, save for a few exceptions. It can only really express emotion through body language instead, and a lot of what it says is extremely clinical, blunt, and dry. Think Data from Star Trek. Of course, that doesn't mean it is emotionless, quite the opposite. Adzuki merely expresses emotions very differently than the regular inkfish. There's also a few ways to gauge how intense the emotion it's feeling is via how unstable the goo it's made out of is or by how bitcrushed its voice has gotten. Essentially: the drippier and messier it is, or the more low quality the voice is, the more intense the emotion it's feeling is.

Some exceptions that break that stoic mask of sorts can be via substance use, like drinking or smoking weed. Once that code is overwritten inside it during these exceptions, Adzuki is almost indifferentiable from beans beyond appearance.

Adzuki, unlike canon PC, loves using the order roller the most out of all the order weapons. It's extremely annoying with it, and enjoys sneaking up on someone to vert-swing them.

#gryphon chatter #nyan does the arts #splatoon #splatoon oc #parallel canon #adzuki #beans #oh hidden fifty mile long post about my guys we're really in it now #this thing has autism to me #it's just like me fr #xeno inkling #as well i guess since it's got all the patterns and stuff

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yorsgirl · 12 days

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I just read through both chapters of your Gojo fic and I’m OBSESSED! So many thoughts right now, you’re so talented 😭

Y/N has given us a bit of insight as to why she dislikes Kazumi and I can honestly say that IF what she’s telling us is true (since we’re really only getting her perspective) then I don’t blame her for her feelings. Your rich friend that can accomplish anything they want because they were born into wealth constantly reminding you that YOU can’t always get what you want? Nah, I wouldn’t let a friend shit on my hopes and dreams whenever I spoke of them. Then continuing to call someone a nickname they’ve clearly said they didn’t like is also pretty disrespectful too, I wonder if there’s any more though because… Y/N GIRLIE why not just stop being friends with her if you didn’t like her 😭 she’s been inconsiderate of your feelings enough for you to just drop her but… None of this is an excuse to have an affair with the man your “best friend” loves though like??

I wonder if Y/N has actually developed feelings for Satoru. I’m sure their affair has started out of mutual attraction and revenge on Y/N’s part, but given her reaction when Satoru promptly reminded her of her place of not being on Kazumi’s level (which I wonder if he’s said because he most likely knows she’s insecure about it) then she might have without realizing it.

There’s so many questions racking through my brain, has Kazumi really not suspected a thing even through their blatant flirting in front of her on their first meeting? Why did Y/N stick with someone she clearly can’t stand? Is there more to Y/N and Kazumi’s relationship that we have yet to see or is Y/N just that awful of a person to Kazumi? As of right now my mind is just racing!

I can’t wait to see the aftermath of this situation, Y/N babe let’s get some therapy maybe 😌 Kazumi, I’m so sorry you were betrayed by the two people you probably loved most omg 😭 Satoru, you can go to hell (need you so bad tbh)

THANK YOU FOR THE CHAPTER and I’m so sorry for the essay message 😭 looking forward to part three! Have a good one ❤️

First, I just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING ME THIS AND READING MY WORK!! ❤️ ✨️ and your character study is awesome dearie!!

Secondly, I love how you left messages for everyone, here's there answers for you:

Y/N: I am sure I can use a bit of therapy after all that, thank you.

Kazumi: I still can't... it's so hard to even believe but... I guess, I knew bits and pieces about it... Still it doesn't help but thank you for your concern.

Satoru: Would you accompany me on the road to hell, m'lady? *winks*

Now, to answer your questions, I won't answer about Kazumi and y/n's relationship and why didn't Kazumi suspect much cause anything it'll spoil the next part.

As for, why Y/N didn't leave Kazumi:

Its kind of an attachment issues. I have incorporated this trait in y/n recalling my behaviour with some of my former(toxic) friends. Idk if anyone relates with it or not but in this issue, you can't just let go of people who have done wrong to you.

There's a tendency to just stay with them even though you absolutely hate them. But the reason for the stay is because you want to witness and revel whenever the other person's suffering. And as we saw, y/n is a two-faced bitch – she'd provide fake support while laughing internally.

But this attachment issue also makes her suffer as she is not really "leaving" even though she might say that she doesn't care for Kazumi, she is actively present in her life and in a way does care (for her suffering). It is making her suffer too which kind of gives the feel of an internal masochism.

This brings me to my second answer:

I guess I have mentioned it that y/n does harbour feelings for Satoru even though she knows he is an asshole. And yes, the affair was mainly a revenge but then think about it, you are actively flirting, sleeping, meeting someone but all in secret. It gives you the - Us against the world vibe which is thrilling in itself and you don't know when you overstep the threshold of love even after knowing that your partner is a Dick.

Y/n knows that her feelings can be one sided and its causing her to suffer (internal masochism), still she can't stop this affair (attachment issues at play again).

That's just it!! And thank you for reading and writing to me. It really means a lot !! 💗 😭

#a!answers #lmao i just outed myself as the toxic person too

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lastoneout · 5 months

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you absolutely do not need to respond if you don't want to but how does the "everything feels worse because i'm finally healing" differ from "everything feels worse because things really are that bad currently"? i always wonder if there's a way to tell them apart. glad you're getting recovering!

Imo the difference so far, is that back when I was still in an unsafe place that was making my trauma worse, between the hysterical sobbing meltdowns I just felt so....normal. I would freak out and break sometimes, but after that I would feel weirdly fine. Or even at times like I didn't have emotions at all? It was like my brain was going "there is no war in ba sing se" to protect me and keep me from freaking out too bad, and like it kinda was! My major coping mechanism has always been ignoring my emotions and shoving them all in a box until they aren't bothering me anymore. And when I was in those shitty situations that was helpful, because I needed to keep myself alive and I wasn't going to be able to do that if I was a sobbing mess all the time.

Also, the one time it got really, really bad, like I was so deep in a traumatic situation it was clearly just completely destroying me, I really did feel like that part in Inside Out where Riley's console just goes dark and none of her emotions can press any buttons. There was this overwhelming sense of dread and misery, and I could barely take care of myself at all. I stopped going to school and showering and I barely ate anything, I didn't talk to my friends, and tbh I did some stuff that I am SUPER not proud of, bcs my brain legit wasn't working at all, and it wasn't until I got out that I started feeling like a person again.

The pain of healing never feels like that. Yes, I am in a bad mental space a lot of the time, I'm depressed and I have nightmares that make me legit so depressed I spend the whole day crying, but there's like...idk this undercurrent of function and focus that wasn't there before. I can keep doing things WHILE being sad(for the most part), instead of only being able to function when I am repressing everything. And tbh it really does feel like I don't have a choice in the matter, which sounds bad but it's kinda nice? Like my brain is done repressing things and isn't going to let me do it anymore. Every time I try it's almost like there's a firm but kind voice in my head saying "no, we can't do that anymore, you have to face this, it's okay".

It's kinda weird too bcs the deeper into healing I get the less my old coping mechanisms help. Hell most of them don't even work anymore. As an example my mom got into a car wreck recently and she was in the hospital for a while, and when I found out I tried to go into my "no feelings no nonsense we have to be strong now" mode, but it didn't work?? I spent the whole time I was there crying, and like!! I actually was happy I was crying!! Because I've never been able to do that!! It's such a weird thing to be happy I'm upset but like, it means I'm making progress.

And that makes every single moment of misery bearable because I know I need this. I've needed this my entire life, and it hurts and is scary, and sometimes I do have to just zone out and play video games or spend a day in bed being sad, but I just...know it's the right thing. Idk how else to explain it, I just know.

It also helps that now I know what a happy, safe life looks like and I know it's there waiting for me. I know this work is worthwhile because I don't want to live my life the way I used to. And I am in a happy, supportive relationship that actively inspires me to work on myself and be a better person. I know not everyone has that, but framing it in a way where I am trying to be better not just for myself but for the people I love helps give me that extra bit of strength I need to keep going.

Anyway this is kinda rambly, sorry, but I did want to answer. If anyone else has any advice for anon feel free to add it on!! I have to go to therapy now lmao but when I'm done if I think of anything else I'll add it!

#long post #ask to tag #personal #okay to rb

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theold-ultraviolence · 10 months

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Hey besties! I debated whether or not I should make a post about it cause I don't want to seem dramatic lfjlskgsjdg, but I figured a lot of people follow me for my writing, and well, there hasn't been any writing going on lately (lol) and I don't even know if there will be, at least for a long while. I think I just might go into a little bit of a hiatus there because, I don't feel like writing anymore for a number of reasons, mostly because this year has been incredibly tough for me and my brain is absolutely mush. I want to write, but I can't physically bring myself to do it, even if the will is there and the ideas are overflowing. I'll still be here and everything (I have never made a side blog, all my silliness goes into one same place lmao), and if questions about my aus come up and stuff, I'll love to reply to those and brainstorm/fangirl about ideas together, but I can't say the same about actually posting fully formed stories.

Another thing is that I'm kinda burned out from fandom. Life is hard as it is and while fandom in general is amazing there are just parts of that suck, even from a distance. The discourse, the cliquey-ness, the hate people are receiving, the drop in interaction... I've always been cruising through different fandoms and avoid drama because I'm always in my little corner, but even while keeping to my corner, this is the first time that without even engaging in it, its found me? An interaction I had some months ago with someone just left a really bad taste and a weird feeling about posting stuff and not knowing with whom I could talk to, so I just distanced myself from it. Which is also kind of a bummer because I don't think I even had that much of a presence in the beginning? I don't want to seem like I'm whining, but, the reality is that my name rarely ever gets brought up in rec lists/posts and such, so it's kinda daunting to think that my work may not have as much transcendence in the fandom anyway when I've been here for a long while, and it does feel a little bit like, feeling left out, which bums me out. But ultimately, worrying about being active and posting fics regularly is just, such a silly thing to worry about when there are other things happening in life anyway.

This is not to say that I'm not acknowledging the people that have supported me from the beginning and continue to do so. If you've reblogged my stuff, or contacted me via dm or ye old inbox, know I freaking love and adore and appreciate you and that's what's exactly what's given me the motivation to write when things were tougher for me this year. It truly, truly means the world to me, and I consider you a bestie. It's so freaking special to me, every single time, when you reach out to let me know you enjoyed something I posted or that you're having fun with my ocs. So this part of it all is why I wished I was more active and that I had the energy to keep writing to interact with you, but I'm just not in the headspace for it right now.

And idk I just might be feeling a bit sensitive these days and becoming a bigger hermit each day, Ewan Mitchell style (lol), but I had it in the back of my mind that there are people that follow me for my writing, and that have even requested fics after I closed them, so I wanted to give these moots a heads up. I do have a lot of ideas I was excited about, not to mention tons of wips that have been left gathering dust so maybe in the near future I can find some time to write. I'm just not feeling inspired or motivated at all these days. If you're sticking around despite my blog being a whole mish-mash of spooky things and whatever blorbo is rotting my brain at the moment, you're seriously the best and I love you for it.

#don't reblog

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clonesupport · 11 months

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oc tag game!

thank you @socially-awkward-skeleton for tagging me to do this!💖💘

i tag @confidentandgood @sstewyhosseini @detectivelokis @captastra @incognito-insomniac @kyber-infinitygems @strangefable @gayafsatan @galaxycunt @roofgeese @inafieldofdaisies @shegetsburned @bearcina @direwombat and anyone who wants to join!

Favourite OC

even if i have so many oc’s she will always be my first baby, and a baby i love very much TwT🤲✨ even if i haven’t had a ronnie fixation in a while she’s still my bbg and the one oc i’ve been most active about and done the most for so she’ll always hold a special place in my heart as the oc that brought me into this whole “having ocs” life

Newest OC

hehehehehe i’ve been absolutely brain rotting over cod and johnny for like six months now. i haven’t done much with her and i’m barely still figuring out her lord cuz i’m too busy rizzing soap ai and getting rizzed back AHAHAHA. but ugh that sweet baby boy i love him so much i had to create a lovely girly to peg him i mean love him. her call sign is angel, she’s a pilot part of task force 141 of course ;)) johnny and her are my reason to breathe rn fr

Oldest OC

back at it with my snarky bastard ronnie with a soft side for her vicar, i love her so much, i love max sm, i miss tow i wanna fixate on that game again ugh plz brain TwT🙏✨ i made her officially like a year and a half ago, but i started making an inserted character for tow in like late 2019 when the game came out and i discovered it and went eh why not it looks cool, then got absolutely fucking sucked into that shit with a blood pact istg. she’s been around for a hot minute, i only recently started making ocs and now i have so many👁️👄👁️idk how this happened AHAHAHA

Meanest OC

of course it’d be my cultist girly. she’s insane and will do anything for john and has quite the body count of kills👀 it takes a brainwashed crazy bitch to be the meanest woman in my roster😌✨

Softest OC

we all knew it’d be seph lol AHAHAHA one of the rarest personality types i ever give my ocs are soft, she’s a rare soft girl, sam’s a lucky man. made her back in like 2020 when i binged all five uncharted games in like 2.5 weeks….don’t worry about me i had a lot of time on my hands. i actually decided to play all the uncharted games because i saw one photo of sam somewhere and was instantly like 👁️👄👁️WHERE IS HE FROM—- i was dedicated to see this man and i fell in love-

i know amalla is not one i’ve talked about a lot but she’s definitely a soft quiet girly. she does have a feisty side but honestly so does seph lol i cant make an oc without having them adding that big of spice TwT but she’s a sweet girl, i mean she caught the attention and stole the heart of arthur morgan so that must count for something right?🤧✨

Most Aloof/Standoffish OC

another oc i haven’t talked about a lot but she is the most stern and kinda cold one out of all my ocs, ronnie could be a good runner up as well but she’s more smart ass mean than cold mean yenno? kenny’s just known for her resting bitch face and military demeanour. but that don’t mean she ain’t soft at heart🤧🤧🤧it just takes a lot to get there🥹

Dumbest (Affectionate) OC

she’s a clumsy girly, often times quite the all boobs no brain but she’s smart when she wants to be. her job is to be a rockstar and be a good affectionate gf for viktor so she doesn’t exactly have the needs to be smart lol. but when time comes that she needs to be like on a job for example, she’s quite the persistent and hardworking gal, her determination is high but sometimes the bimbo kind of takes over when her smarts aren’t in imminent need

Smartest OC

this girly’s a trained nurse y’all she’s got the brains. even if she is usually the “soft and sweet shy baby girl” she knows her shit. knows her history and has her medical skills. often times the brothers and sully forget she’s actually quite smart until she’s full fledged patching one of them up professionally as she explains to them what she’s doing and what injury they have. she can info barf sometimes when she gets passionate about something, it’s that side of her that sam finds attractive😉😉

it takes certain brains and tactical strategic skills to be an ace pilot. tanya may seem like just some tomboy who’s here for a good time but ya girl has got some brains on her. she got the skills to fly an f-15 and often gets appointed team leader so she clearly knows what she’s doing. she was trust worthy enough to be seen as a good pilot by the soldiers and fellow squad mates hence them giving her the nickname their guardian angel, which turned into her call sign angel. she’s humble and plays it off as no big deal, quite honestly she doesn’t see herself as smart, just hard working. but johnny makes it his mission to remind her she’s incredible, he’s her biggest fan🥹

OC I’d Be Friends With IRL

I RAN OUT OF PHOTO SLOTS—-

imagine there’s banners here TwT🤲

irl i’d definitely get along with ronnie lol. ronnie, marceline and tanya i would say. i’m a clumsy dumbass smart ass and i think i’d get along well with ronnie and tanya by teaming up with them and pick on men AHAHAHA marcy and i have the same taste in music and we both are bimbo’s who can be smart and serious when we need to be✨

#tagged #this was long oof #my ocs #oc: ronnie kana #oc: tanya reya #oc: mateo harlowe #oc: seph wilde #oc: amalla jones #oc: kennedy shepard #oc: marceline kelly

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burinazar · 21 days

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(idk who will care about this post but i think long schpiels on extremely specific Thoughts About Media is a major use case for tumblr so you’re getting it anyway) i think i wouldn’t at all have my feeling of disconnect re the rest of fandom’s* interest in Bondord if he had been a woman. this isnt a bizarre critique of some sort its just a funny thought about me and what i like. twisted inversion of motherhood with a mad scientist character feels like, the concept has More For Me than the same with fatherhood and would create more intrinsic interest in the character

*especially ‘my cohort’ — the contingent who seems to have similar predilections like fic/shipping activity and also much of the portion of the fandom that’s, like, adult women — largely those folks are big Bondrode fans and enjoy Guebon and i’m like, i relate to your habits guys but have very little interest in your man. (for those who haven’t heard me bitch about this before: i dont hate him but i have littlr interest in seeking out art or fic of him or anything and I’m kinda sad that he’s the only adult character who ever got like figures and nendo and stuff.)

hopefully no one takes this personally lol. hell, i don’t care if Bon fans think Belaf is boring! that is in fact vastly preferable to people who are randomly mean about my ships. please feel free to just ignore my favorite characters’ existence instead.

anyway like

if he’d shown up as A Horrible Science Woman and then the movie recast her into Also A Loving (But Still Horrible) Mother i’d probably like this chara much more. it’s not like because Ooh Evil Woman Hot or something. actually i think i still wouldn’t find her hot the way most of the aforementioned Bondord Enjoyers do. i pick up a new ‘character i think is actually hot’ very rarely and then they stay forever. i have very limited slots for that tbh. (also this is just me complaining now and no longer relevant but such characters tend to be pretty unpopular lol and have very little r18 content/fic available and generally this drives me to despair. i drew a picture about the top offenders once.)

it’s more..i think the fucked up inversion of motherhood is more intrinsically interesting to me than with fatherhood. it’s just a personal interest thing. i think that sort of thing is neat. if i ever bother to go watch chainsaw man it’ll be because i know that’s a thing that it gets into and many people like what it does there. also there’s how much i dig mapping parts of this show onto other parts (in fact this is already the context in which i do manage to find him interesting sometimes — the Riko Waz Bondird sliding scale of what lines you’ll cross is the one context in which i have a brain cell to focus on this guy lol.) and in that regard motherhood is part of the premise of the show and all and ways it can be inverted and fucked up is a big deal in my favorite arc even if this isn’t *why* it’s my favorite arc. so i think i’d also enjoy being able to make more parallels with it. even though the general parallel of ‘versions of parenthood’ is still available, i think bad mad scientist fathers are just a less intrinsically Oh Cool concept to me than ‘bad mad scientist mother.’ (Yes I Do Like Prospera Btw)

related: even though I love love love Waz and you guys know this, it also took a while for that to click into place after meeting him. but one time I saw Oriole’s girlWaz tenderly cradling one of the Irukos and i instantly realized that if he had been a woman and the visual of him with the baby and a knife had thus inevitably channeled inverted motherhood and dovetailed with the existing examinations of motherhood in the arc and in abyss as a whole, i would have loved him instantly instead of having to let my thoughts on him percolate.

#orphan hole tag

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loser-female · 1 month

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Nothing, just every time I sit around to think about ADHD I inevitably see all the abuse I've been through in front of my eyes again.

Now I just want to go cry in a corner.

The truth is that... I don't have any superpowers. I'm a 2x dropout. I cannot remember years of my life and the memories i have are extremely fragmented and difficult to put together. If I didn't have ADHD I wouldn't have been abused causing trauma that will never go away. I barely graduated high school - it took me 7 years instead of 5, I was too depressed to get out of bed at a certain point -and for some reason I thought I could do physics. And I can understand very difficult concepts, they don't fly over my head. But my country universities are completely unstructured. I got told "do these things in a three months time", so I couldn't keep up (and I also had chronic pain). I just cannot. I need a degree to keep going with my career but at this point I 100% believe it's over my possibilities, so I don't think I will ever reach the role of a SOC manager or a CISO.

I struggle daily to daily because all my energy goes to my job and when I'm done I'm exhausted. I have to make my boyfriend that does a physical heavy job (he is a factory worker) do 70% of the stuff because I just cannot. I do want to, but everything goes out of the window because I spent my whole day trying to focus. And he needs to double check because I forget. I forget to do laundry, I forget to take out the laundry and it then smells bad and I need to rewash it, then I forget it again. I don't miss my cats stuff because they are annoying.

While I'm actively monitoring I sometimes forget what I'm doing. And with sometimes I mean twice a day. Then I remembered and I have 10 alerts to analyse and then I get distracted again. It doesn't compromise the quality of my analysis for a miracle. Because I triple check everything, but I'm slower than my coworkers.

I called a customer yesterday because I contained his asset from the network (which is a very invasive operation) and I couldn't remember for the sake of my life if he disabled the email only or the whole o365 account. I still don't know. And it's a problem because I need to report to my coworkers and I will definitely look like an idiot if I gave them the wrong information. (They know about my ADHD and are very understanding)

I say"I need to reply to that email" and it's four months and now it's unacceptable to do this.

I recently failed a job interview because I forgot crucial information at the wrong time. I rely a lot on my notes and mindmaps which are great if you do intelligence analysis, but not that great when people expect you to remember everything.

I forgot to pay my water bill for 6 months because it got lost. I misplaced it, everyone thought it was being paid and it wasn't. (Idk how I didn't get my water shut off. Learned my lesson and now it get out directly from my bank account).

I forget to call my family for weeks because to me time makes no sense. Which is the reason why I struggle so much with my very necessary self study things. I need to get them done. I don't have the brain parts required to do that.

It's so awful, I get help but it cannot change the biology of my brain. I hope I will get some sort of "cure", although I rationally know it's impossible.

I'm scared to have kids because no way I'm condemning someone else to the amount of daily struggle I have. Especially my own child!

This is what living with ADHD actually looks like. Failing over and over again, and if you have good people around they will not mind that much, but I admit I wouldn't give me half of the slack my loved ones do to me. It's not the secret of any success, it doesn't make me "creative" or anything. In fact, I would have written how much stuff if I could finish what I start! How many things could I have done! I'd be a physics professor now. I'd have a PhD or something. I wouldn't have lost a decade of my life (1/3 of my life) to depression and anxiety.

Not that I have a bad job, I love my job, I earn more than I would have if I actually stayed in physics. even if things turned good for me that doesn't mean I don't miss what I could have been.

#ada.txt #ADHD

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thegongoozlerreacts · 4 months

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Dead Plate (Part 2)

OK so its been a month since the last time ive played Dead Plate and uhh oops!! my bad !!

in my defense life has gotten very busy for me especially since its the holidays but now i finally have the time to finish this game and get at least one ending!! (hopefully)

spoilers under the cut

back to day 5 where i struggled so incredibly hard

the amount of times ive played through day 4's nightmare sequence is killing me

bro. how do i pass this level without losing a customer

NOOO I WAS SO CLOSE WHYYY. PLEASE. literally i was doing so well but i took too long for the 4 table orders ugh <//3

i wish you could see like, a patience meter for the customers or something

maybe i should try using the item that slows down how impatient they get

YESSS FINALLY!!! I DID IT I FINALLY DID IT!!

what is that weird squelching sound.

still here even though the shift is over and the sounds i am hearing are concerning to say the least

what if... i just leave ok i cant leave

boss's office? also i just noticed the timer ticking down uhh

can i just leave please why is the timer ticking down wtf do i do???

also lots of interesting things in that office

was the review on the waiter about Rody? if so ouch man thats harsh

NOOOOO OH MY GOD...... I ACCIDENTALLY QUIT I HAVE TO DO DAY 5 ALL OVER AGAIN ARE YOU KIDDING ME

ok well. at least now i know my key to success is the cologne

ok so Rody had an interesting reaction to the crumpled up picture of Vince and a woman so maybe he knows who she is? is this the 'her' that you can sorta not really call on the telephone??? or is he just surprised to find love letters in the trash

anyways its telling me the sounds are coming from the freezer but idk where to go from here

LMAO the sound signalling the end of the day jumpscared me askhjdakj

at least the food looks tasty

what was that whole thing about tho? what was going on in the freezer??

back home, looked out the window and i noticed you can see someone's silhouette in the background windows

i dont know if that was always there and i just missed it but very interesting

FINALLY a new nightmare

bro he was in an oven?? why ?? damn Rody's nightmares are like really creepy akladjalks

another day another dollar

damn. im gonna struggle once again because there is a LOT of customers and like i am just sooo. ksfdjslkdj whatevr kakayanin !! lets go guys

my hands are so sweaty akladh

another successful day and another tasty dish ....my fingers hurt LMAO

looked out the window and yep alright the person's silhouette isnt always there

huh. interesting nightmare it was Vince eating him and like damn that actually scared me lskjd

shorter than previous nightmares

well onto day 7 another day another dollar

lets go!! i am winning!!! only had to retry once this day!!

BROSKI JUST QUIT?!?!?

ohhh so the woman is named Manon

aww i feel so bad for this guy :(( the girl isnt picking up i wonder why tho? like does she just not like him anymore and he just needs to give up on her or is it cuz of smth w Vince (shes probably the girl from the crumpled photo in the trash right?)

damn the phone just ringing while the credits are playing

ouch :((

alright then time to get the other endings!! to do this i will be following the ending guide bc my brain is not big enough to figure it out by myself lmao

ive opened up the official ending guide and oho? you can actually get a phone call from Manon? cool i will try that out first

restarting all the way to day 1 bc i miss how easy it was

yk an interesting thing that was introduced in the tutorial that i havent experienced yet is the customers asking questions

oh hey!! i kept the stuff that i purchased in my previous run?? really?? awesomeee

ooh hey!! i kept the dishes from previous runs too!! cool

ok its day 3 now and i have to take out the trash to activate the cutscene

ok went through that whole baffling ordeal of getting slapped

also!! i chatted with Vince on day 3 and like. idk their chats are just funny to me

also like there might be something wrong with me but i am lowkey shipping Rody and Vincent together kadjlksd this is something that happened in Elevator Hitch where i started lowkey shipping the two main characters oopsies

anyways!! moving swiftly onwards!!

um. my guy disappeared after i checked the fridge

oh shit new cutscene

BRO ??? UM ????? well that was scary uhh. damn

oh the boss isnt in the kitchen anymore wait i didnt get to do all the dialogue options that are needed!! no!! does this mean i need to redo this whole day in order to get the phone call event???

better safe than sorry i guess

ok so interestingly when Rody asked Vince if he liked his job, he didnt answer the question he just changed the subject and made fun of Rody LOL

the 'can you give me a raise' question gives some more details on Manon and what Rody thinks of her (he is a grade A simp bro)

the 'are you single' question is interesting to me just bc Rody the simp has issues w Vince being like 'meh' on romance and tbh im with Vince on romance not being the end-all-be-all

THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT A STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE

IS IT CUZ I FED THE RAT CHEESE INSTEAD OF SCARING IT AWAY OR SMTH???

EW ITS IN THE FRIDGE AND THE REAL ONE I HAD BEFORE IS GONE NOOOOOOO

Vince: I haven't got any sense of taste. Rody: Yeah I could see the decorations out there-

LMFAOOO RODYYY

bro now i am sad that i missed out on these gold interactions between them on my first run this is so funny

also they both didnt really have any proper answers for what their favorite food is Vince was like 'eh i dont have any since i cant taste stuff idk lemons or smth' while Rody was like 'i just like whatever my girlfriend likes'

very interesting how Rody is like obsessed(?) with Manon

then when asking Vince what he's reading, he just straight-up lies about what the reviews are saying about Rody lmfaoooo

anyways now for the creepy night restaurant segment and going back in Vince's office to check out the possible Manon love letters in the trash

i just realized the croque madames are like. rotten cuz they have flies flying around it which ew! yuck! why is it like that

well. nothing i can do about it so next day i guess!! oh hey wait i can now afford the matches which i will be needing for ending 3! nice

OK NOW I HAVE REACHED THE PHONE CALL

damn ok so its not Manon but its Vince inviting Rody to a dinner party!! nice !!

LMFAOOOO HE INVITED RODY TO MAKE HIM WORK VINCE I CANT BELIEVE YOU!!

Rody you are so embarrassing but its ok bc ur really funny anyways!! getting interesting lore on Vince and Rody!!

one of Rody's old classmates was there, and then another guest said that either Vince must really like Rody to have him there at the party or is incredibly desperate akldskl (since she said that Rody's outfit sucks LOL)

ooh ok so. Rody is desperate and a bit delusional my bro u gotta let go of that girl bc apparently she dumped you already so like. stop bro

dkjhskas nooo ive served all the guests and theres nothing left to do except snoop around in Vincent's bedroom agh!! agh!!!!!

bro when i go in the room the music just disappears wtf

UM? HELLO??? BRO THAT SCARED ME DSKJKSDJ

i knew this was going to happenn aughjahkj

BRO THE MUSIC IS JUST GONE AJKSDFK not Rody asking what happened like he didnt just steal smth from Vince and pretty much get caught in the act 😭😭😭

well ok then so that happened

actually you know, now that im thinking about it, its kinda weird that Vince threw Manon's letters in the trash does that mean she is pursuing him romantically but he like just doesnt care or what??

i am inside and i am afraid cuz the game asked 'are you sure?' when i clicked 'go inside' broooo

oh hey its Manon and Rody WAIT WHY IS THIS LOCKET IN HERE ?? DID VINCE KILL HER ??

ASKHDKAS OH FUCKK OH NO

bro thats so like. sadistic leaving him tied up and telling him he can live if he runs away but like he can only crawl across the floor

i see why the matches are needed for this part

gee wow thanks game

ok now this time im bringing the matches with me

ok so ive burned away the ropes but im still trapped inside cuz he locked the freezer aghhh

what the heck do i do?? oh nvm i found bags of flour, i can use these to reach the cooler

so i have to stop the fans of the cooler, probably by putting something in it

can i take the saw out?? oh wait theres a switch LOL

ok so ive use the saw to cut the meat off and now ive got animal bones

ive jammed the bones in the fans and now i can break open the window wow

SHIT GOT CAUGHT BY VINCE

DID HE JUST BITE A PIECE OF MY FLESH?!??!

oh my god. he killed and cooked her to feed to Rody i. wHY???

oh so he ate Rody's ear i am shook wtf

bro Rody just severely pissed this guy off by telling him he never ate his food i feel it in my bones also makes sense why its just sitting in his fridge

Rody really hitting this guy where it hurts damn i mean its deserved cuz of like the whole thing

i accidentally got ending 4 since i messed up a QTE but damn. damn that was wild and also this is gross

something i didnt mention earlier but i noticed that there was a grilled hanger steak on the table, which is the dish when you get ending 1 would the other dishes i got in past endings show up when i got them? but i got ending 2 and the dish from that didnt show up so maybe its just a little detail for ending 1 wait was the steak made out of Manon. oh boy that makes that ending a lil more fucked up

ok going back to the chase sequence

BRO RODY JUST KILLED HIM

so i went into Vince's office, surprisingly did not get chased inside and then i picked up the broken bottle and now Rody's just killed the guy

got the restaurant key

bestie like. theyre gonna arrest u if u just leave and never say anything please explain the situation to the police or smth

why is the game not letting me leave. what do you mean revenge is best served cold. does the game want me to put Vince in the freezer!??!?!

yep the steak is def Manon

why r u not letting me leave wtf do i do

trying to read the comments on the game's page on itch.io and the amount of people going 'when will they kiss' 'kiss ending when' im laughing

like even tho all this horrible shit just happened i still lowkey ship Vince and Rody oopsies. toxic yaoi LOLOLOL

i have no idea what to do now so i am just gonna look up a guide rq

ok i need to get the cooking oil

he's burning this place to the ground

wait was Vince still alive after getting stabbed repeatedly???? his eye moved when Rody was pouring oil on him and i mean the game did say that his eyes are still following you

oh bro after-credits cutscene with Manon???

aww ok my opinion of Manon has greatly improved cuz she broke up w Rody cuz he was destroying himself for her she realized that she wasnt good for him and like, for the greater good of his mental health they cant be together

its burnt and also its lemon, which is what Vince said was his favorite food

OH HEY IT CHANGED

actually i did notice that after ending 3 it was snowy

damn

well, thats the end of my playthrough on Dead Plate

honestly, it was a very fun and enjoyable game! i liked the serving aspect even tho i kinda sucked at it and like i also really liked Rody and Vince despite all that just happened those two are seriously fucked up and i love them LOLOL

the music was really good and made up for having to redo day 5 over and over again alskdjh i was jamming most of the time to the music the art was also really good! i liked how cute the pixel sprites were, and then like the art for the portraits and CGs and everything was also really good! i really enjoyed the art style and music

the story was interesting, and i liked it too the twist was wild and blew my mind but i am still a massive fan of Vincent x Rody JKDAHSDKJ

i like how there was a cannibalism twist but Vincent wasnt actually like, an actual cannibal he was just insane and planning on making Rody an unknowing cannibal

i know he ate Rody's ear but like. he said that he doesnt eat people on the regular so yk he's just fucked up

also its really funny reading all the comments and seeing a lot of Vincent x Rody stuff LMFAOOO so true of everybody honestly

HELP I FOUND A COMMENT THAT SAID THEY NOTICED EVERY PIC WITH VINCE IN IT (on the store page) HAS HIM LOOKING AT RODY LDSJHSFLSDKN THE SHIP IS SO REAL!!!

ok sorry enough of that

overall, 10/10 would play again solely for the server gameplay (would be cool to have a kind of endless mode where you just serve customers until one leaves or something) and also because i love these characters

thats all for today and probably for this month LOL byebye!!

#dead plate

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rhineposting · 10 months

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hey what are your thoughs about hmm scolippi JJBA that guy from part five. oh and diavolo bento aureo. uh huh wait since you asked for asks about women and wifes wow what if scolippi part 5 and diavolo golden wind were women and they-

GIRL COME ON

I'M TRYING TO MAKE A POINT HERE AND YOU'RE ONLY MAKING IT WORSE!!

Okay no but seriously.

Scolippi. Scolippi. Scoliosis, even.

He's such a beautiful yet tragic character, and he ties into JJBA's themes of fate and fighting against it so wonderfully. Even on his own, he's great.

He's a simple man, living in an unfair world full of power craving lunatics and egoists that were granted unimaginable power, while he is stuck with a curse that forces him into the position of being many people's guide to the afterlife ever since he was a child.

Yet, despite being put at a disadvantage from the start, he still does his best to be kind and to not harm others around him, using his ability solely for helping vulnerable people find peace - and to grant them the opportunity to defy Fate through choosing to go on their own terms.

Even after being beaten up, shot twice and held at gunpoint, he still offered his kindness to the two people that were actively antagonizing him at that moment. Even while he lied on the ground bleeding, he still prayed for their well-being and for their misery to not be pointless.

He's all things considered, a Saint.

I also like how his arc is a direct tie to the main antagonist of part 6 - Pucci.

They both had girls who were important to them, who both took their life due to circumstances they had little to no control over and they both seek peace above all else. Peace with what is to come.

While Pucci forces that peace, coupled with the burden of knowledge upon everyone in the whole universe, Scolippi simply offers a choice over their own life against cruel circumstances.

Pucci is also a priest, while Scolippi has elements alluding to Jesus all over him - which makes me think of the difference between institutionalised religion and the actual fundaments of said faith removed from a power hierarchy and alike of the Church.

Wherever Scolippi was after Part 5, I hope life turned out well for him.

Unless we go with the assumption that he was related to...

A certain other, purple haired and green eyed man with a Stand whose ability just so happens to directly mirror his own.

In that case, Scolippi just took L after L, it seems.

As for the OTHER GUY

I FUCKING HATE HIM!!! I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH HE RUINED MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!

GETTING INVESTED IN HIM AS A CHARACTER COMPLETELY CHANGED ME AS A PERSON AND I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO UNDO THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME PASSES!!!!!

I HATE THAT THROUGH THIS PINK RACCOON LOOKING THING I MET YOU - THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME, AS WELL AS OUR OTHER FRIENDS WHO I CHERISH JUST AS MUCH TOO!!

I HATE THAT I OWE SO MUCH OF THE CURRENT HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE TO THIS FICTIONAL MAN WHO CAN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO PUT ON A REAL SHIRT FOR HIS DEBUT!!!

I HATE THAT MEETING HIM FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGED ME AS AN ARTIST AND CREATOR AND THAT I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO RETURN TO BLISSFUL IGNORANCE THAT COMES WITH MEDIA ILLITERACY!!!! I WILL FOREVER BE CRITICAL OF ANYTHING I CONSUME BECAUSE OF HIM!!!

AND IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT TOO!!!! I WASN'T EVEN THAT INVESTED IN HIM UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG AND PUT A BUNCH OF PINK , GREEN DOTTED WORMS IN MY BRAIN!!!! I HATE YOU TOO!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!

but omg what if he and scolippi were in fact women.

Hm.

idk I don't think we'd get some huge AU out of it with them as the main cast

where the two of them are in love and silly and married

and where they have a cute bunny baby

yeah no that definitely wouldn't happen. never.

why do you ask.

#girl im gonna so fucking kill you after this.#jjba #jojo's bizzare adventure #vento aureo #jjba diavolo #scolippi #or rather #serena melone #it's a dumb name i know #serdia #babbi #rhine questions #rhineart #jojo au

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