#just tear my heart to shreds why don't you? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pacifymebby · 7 months

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I cry when people yell at me(parent issues™️) and I was wondering how the peakys would react to that, like I can handle most things but yelling is like a big nono for me, would they be concerned or tease me for that, I don't think they will but I'm interested on how they'll react to it for the first time it happens, or if I yell back for the first time? You just do a great job at writing these characters💛

( im sorry if this is too personal or whatever)

AN: not too personal my lovely dw, here at Pacifymebby dot Tumblr dot com we (me) totally specialise in ✨ fanfiction as therapy ✨ haha. Sorry these have taken me ages to do. I'm also a crier when men shout at me so I hope I've written this how you wanted!!!!

Tommy

🌿 Is genuinely very shocked when, mid argument, you start crying. You've seen so much worse than this, you've witnessed some terrible things because of him and his brothers, the fights they get into every week. Only last week you'd watched with as calm a demeanour as one could manage, whilst Arthur had a violent breakdown and smashed a chair up at the dinner table. You'd not shown a shred of fear. But now, here you are, silent, heartbreaking tears streaming down your face and why?

🌿 because Tommy raised his voice at you.

🌿 you couldn't even remember what you'd been arguing about now. You'd seen red and blue fear in your mind the second he'd raised his voice. You'd watched him lose his temper with you, his jaw tense, his face going red as he yelled at you, his expression so angry, so cold and unforgiving. And it had shocked you. Tommy had never raised his voice at you before. You'd seen him shout at his brothers but he'd never shouted at you.

🌿 and the sight of you suddenly drained of colour, your skin taking on that strange bloodless translucency as you starred back at him wide eyed and fearful... it shocks him. You're looking at him like you don't recognise him and suddenly there's a lump in his throat.

🌿 He reaches out for you but you flinch away from him, backing away slowly and then suddenly fleeing, running away, vision blurred by your tears. You don't really know where to go and you can here him calling after you, but his voice raised shouting down the hallway for you only makes it worse. Only adds to your fear.

🌿 you're certain that you're in trouble so you don't stop even when he calls after you. Thing is he hasn't even said he's sorry. Hasn't realised why you're running from him.

🌿 "Y/N love for fuck sake what're you doin... we need to talk about this... Y/n stop!"

🌿 He's chased you out to the gardens, still shouting, still not getting the hint... it's only when he shouts again, louder this time, screaming your name across the lawn that you freeze. His voice seems to shake the whole world and it strikes the fear of god into you. So you stop. And he thinks thats the problem solved, that you've stopped running away from him now so he can return to you and you can talk like grownups.

🌿 but when he gets closer to you you back away some more, and even when he warns you to wait for him you edge away. Every step he takes you take one back until you find yourself backed up against a tree, looking at him with all this fear in your eyes.

🌿 He's careful as he approaches, one arm out to you, trying to coax you back to him... he can see that something has absolutely terrified you but it's only when he gets close enough to touch you, only when he brings his hand up to fix your hair that he realises what you're scared of.

🌿 "Don't hurt me!" You gasp, eyes squeezed shut, your body rigid with fear as you bring your hands up to protect your face. And it's that which makes him realise. That movement, that fragile tremble in your voice as you beg him not to harm you that breaks his heart.

🌿 and the realisation hits him like a freight train, chokes him. He can't believe you're frightened of him. He can't believe it's him who has caused you all this terror. You're trembling, your hands shaking the way a rabbit shakes when it knows it's being hunted.

🌿 He let's out a sigh, closes his eyes and tried to steady his own shaken nerves. He doesn't want to scare you anymore.

🌿 "Y/n, angel listen to me girl, I'm not going to hurt you..." he says, his voice a gentle caress as he takes your trembling hands in his, draws them away from your face and places them on his chest. He holds then both to his heart underneath his hand and with the other he cups your cheek. Makes you look up at him, catches your tears with his thumb and brushes them away.

🌿 "I scared you," he says looking at you ever so mournfully, he feels so guilty and you can see the hurt in his eyes. It just makes you feel worse and you shake your head trying to apologise. You can feel his heart beating beneath your hands, it's racing, his adrenaline too high and you feel guilty yourself because you made him angry.

🌿 "I'm.. I'm so sorry Tommy I made you angry I shouldn't have pissed you off its not..." but he cuts you off, finger pressed to your lips to hush you as he steps closer to you, his body so close to yours that you have to tilt your head back to look up at him. His head is bowed to look down at you.

🌿 "Shh now angel I'm talkin yeah, my turn to talk now eh so listen to me..." he's being ever so gentle, his hand holding your hip, the other tucking your hair behind your ear and stroking your cheek. He doesn't look harsh or sharp anymore, instead of anger his eyes are full of love. "Don't you apologise to me sweetheart, please don't do that... I'm sorry I shouted at you angel, shouldn't have done that but listen to me now eh cause this is important..."

🌿 You can't take your eyes off him, you're still shaking, still crying, your hearts still racing, but you're not frightened anymore. He's looking down at you with such an intense honesty, you can see the remorse in his eyes when he talks to you in that sweet gentle voice.

🌿 "I will never hurt you alright, I promise... even if I'm angry yeah, even if we're havin a blazing bloody row, I won't ever lay a finger on you like that sweetheart, I won't ever hurt you.."

🌿 You'd probably start crying all over again, burying your face in his chest, feeling his arms wrap around you and hold you tight. His hand stroking your back as he bows his head to place a kiss on yours. He'd cradle your head against his body and rest his chin in your hair. Close his eyes, hold onto you tight and treasure the feeling of you in his arms.

🌿 "You really fuckin scared me Tommy..." you'd sniffle struggling to calm yourself down.

🌿 "I know angel, I know and I'm really fuckin sorry alright..."

Alfie

🐻 He didn't mean to shout, Alfie's never raised his voice at you before because he doesn't believe in shouting at women and girls. He has a very firm, traditional view on that and he's stubborn about it too. No swearing, shouting and hitting women and girls.

🐻 The only reason he shouted is because he panicked, you were wandering around in a daydream so you hadn't noticed the tension in the bakery when you'd entered through the back door on your way to see your beloved. Tommy Shelby had just left, informing Alfie that he'd set up a trip wire to ensure his safety, that if he tugged on the string in his hand he would pull the pin from a grenade which would blow up half the bakery, starting a monstrous fire which would probably kill all inside. All those barrels of rum would go up in flames.

🐻 And you were one step from tripping that string which Tommy had tied to the leg of Alfies desk all, "I'll let you deal with this, have a think about what I've said whilst you work eh, careful though, its a delicate procedure..."

🐻 So when he'd seen you Alfie hadn't thought twice, shouting "Y/N stop! Stay there, fuckin don't move!" and luckily you'd frozen. Your body going rigid as the fear struck you like lightning.

🐻 He'd startled you for sure but more than that the sound of his voice ricochetting around the room, the voice of a man who was usually so tender and gentle with you, always so protective of you.. He'd never spoken to you like that and hearing it now struck ice cold fear into the very bones of you.

🐻 Alfie doesn't even notice at first, doesn't notice how you've gone white as a sheet, can't even move, he's too worried about that wire, too busy trying to work out what to do. Hoping there's a chance Tommy was bullshitting him. Hoping that actually there's nothing to fear.

🐻 And poor you, you're just stood there, hand clutched over your mouth starring at your love in shock. You don't know what to do because you don't want to embarrass yourself by bursting into tears over a little shouting, but you already know it's too late. Alfie really scared you, and he's never scared you before.

🐻 So you can't hold it back, you're trembling all over with the effort of fighting your tears, some have already escaped, you've swallowed down a sob already but it's the fact that Alfie's not even looking at you. The way he shouted at you so sharply, so harshly, and he isn't even looking at you now. You're struggling to reason with your own anxiety, convinced that you've done something wrong, that he hates you...

🐻 but then he hears it. The sound of your choked sob, one you'd tried and failed to hold back. And once the first escapes the damn breaks and you're in floods of tears. You don't move, frozen to the spot but your hands are over your face and your crying so mournfully that the sound sends an icy shard through Alfie's heart. Suddenly the hidden explosive is the least of his worries.

🐻 "Fuck," he grumbles to himself, telling himself off for snapping at you, "gentle Alfie what have I fuckin told you man, sometimes yeah you have to be fuckin gentle..." he's grumbling to himself as he reassesses his predicament. He knows he needs to get to you and get you to safety but he knows he can't get to you without risking your safety.

🐻 So he sighs. "Ziskeit, my dear, y/n poppet I'm sorry yeah, didn't mean to shout at you ziskeit, didn't mean to shout.. that was just me you know... panickin right, but I shouldn't have shouted at you yeah lovely girl I'm sorry..." he's making his way towards you very slowly and very carefully, talking soft and gentle, hands out because he doesn't want to startle you. His eyes flickering with concern between you and the wire you almost tripped.

🐻 "See my ziskeit, down there right by your feet yeah, there's a wire right and I need you to be very careful cause it's very dangerous yeah..." he doesn't want to scare you more than he already has but he also doesn't want you to move and accidentally set it off.

🐻 When he finally gets to you he doesn't hesitate to wrap his big arms around you and give you the warmest, tightest bear hug. He holds you firm against his chest, strokes your hair and cradles your head, burying your face in the crook of his neck. His beards tickley on your cheek and you're all wrapped up in the comfort of his musky scent.

🐻 "There, there my little ziskeit, s'alright now yeah, your Alfie's got you my darlin an he ain't lettin you go.."

🐻 He takes your hands from your face, won't let you hide and then he wipes your tears away with his thumbs. You can't just turn the waterworks off though and the tears keep coming.

🐻 Alfie feels so guilty.

🐻 But he'd hold your face in his hands and put his forehead against yours, looking down into your watery wounded eyes with such an intense devotion.

🐻 "Didn't mean to scare you poppet, please don't be scared now yeah, I'm here, I love you... I didn't mean to shout."

🐻 He'd probably call Ollie or one of his trusted men for help, he'd be instructing them on how to undo and disarm Tommy's trap, all the while still holding you and hushing you. The contrast between the way he barks orders at his men and then turns to you with the most tender, soft voice, shushing you and stroking your hair.

🐻 Promises he'll never shout at you again, but also, because he knows what he's like he also promises that if he does raise his voice at you, it won't be because he's angry and it won't be because he hates you. It'll be because he'd a stupid old man who forgets himself sometimes.

🐻 You'd sniffle, this shy smile on your lips as you tell him "you're not a stupid old man..." and he'd just chuckle, kiss your nose and brush your hair away from your tear stained cheeks, probably catching another tear on his thumb. "I am for making my ziskeit cry, but, you have my word now don't you girl, ain't ever gonna make you cry again..."

🐻 It's a big promise but Alfie is truly devoted to you and so protective of you that he really does hold it against himself forever. He's always viewed himself as your protector so the idea that you were scared of him is horrifying to him. He really does intend to keep his promise.

🐻 Will set a rule in the bakery and the warehouses that if you're around nobody is to raise their voice for any reason. He'll spin some bullshit about how it's very fucking rude and inconsiderate to shout when there are women and children present. If anyone breaks that rule Alfie will not hesitate to silence them in his own special way.

Arthur

🍂 It's probably not the first time this has happened let's be real here, this is probable not even the first time this has happend this week...

🍂 Arthur's emotions aren't exactly the easiest thing to endure... for either of you. He has a quick temper and he doesn't know how to express himself. If he's scared he turns to violence, if he's upset, he turns to violence, if he's angry, violence... even when he's happy or excited something usually gets broken, he usually forgets himself, talks too loudly... shouts...

🍂 And even though you're used to Arthur and his loud, uncontrollable and often unpredictable ways, you've never been able to get used to his yelling. You've always been easily startled and people yelling, raised voices has always set you on edge. And when someone shouts at you well, you always cry. You can't help yourself and you feel so stupid for it sometimes too... especially when it's Arthur who has made you cry because you know you should be used to it by now. You know what he's like... when he shouts and you start crying you always feel like a stupid child who can't control her own emotions.

🍂 But Arthur understands how that feels. It's not like he can control his either...

🍂 So of all the Blinders Arthur is the most sympathetic. It's not just that he feels terribly guilty for making you cry, it's that he hates how bad about yourself it makes you feel too and he wants you to learn not to be so hard on yourself.

🍂 So, he's always trying his best not to shout, for whatever reason... sometimes he comes home ecstatic about something that happened at the Garrison, he's half way through shouting through the house for you when he cuts himself off.

🍂 "Nah what have I fuckin told you Arthur Shelby, indoor voice for y/n, nice, gentle indoor voice..."

🍂 But of course this is Arthur and no matter how hard he tries he forgets himself and loses control on the regular. And when he does you also lose control... Arthur is an intimidating man at the best of times and when he shouts he is so fucking scary... especially when he's shouting because he's angry, and especially if he's shouting because he's arguing with you...

🍂 When that happens you probably don't just cry, you burst into tears, really dramatically... you'd shrink away from him, curl up on the floor crying your heart out, shaking, sobbing into your skirts and then when he realises what he's done it hits him in the gut and he does cold, panicks. He feels so guilty for scaring you again and rushes to try and hug.

🍂 Gets down there on the floor with you and bundles you up in his arms. His whole demeanor changes in an instant, all the fight knocked out of him in seconds as he rushed to comfort you.

🍂 Cradles you to his chest, rocking you to sooth you as he apologises over and over again. "For fuck sake darlin come here, fuckin 'ell I'm such a bloody idiot, I'm sorry my darlin I'm fuckin so sorry alright... didnt mean to scare you girl, y'know I love you don't I, ain't gonna hurt you, didn't mean to scare you just forgot meself that's all, you're alright my girl, I've got you eh, your Arthur loves you very much an he's very fuckin sorry for being such a fuckin dinlow eh..."

🍂 You'd be clutching at his shirt, sobbing into his chest, doing your best to calm yourself down, mentally chastising yourself for being so stupid because you know he didn't mean it, you know it was an accident, that you're safe with Arthur, that he won't ever hurt you... but even so, he scared you so much...

🍂 you'd push yourself up in his lap and try to wipe your tears away, probably trying to pull away from him and act as though everything was fine even though all you want to do is nestle deeper into his embrace and hold onto him until your heart stops racing.

🍂 And Arthur knows you well enough to recognise what you're doing so he isn't going to just let you go and pretend you're fine.

🍂 "Right now where dya think you're goin darlin..." he'd start, catching your hand and tugging you back into his lap, his arm locking around your waist, the other hand using his sleeve to dry your eyes. "Look at me yeah, got all the time in the world eh so I don't know what you're rushin off for darlin..."

🍂 "S'alright I'm alright now Arth was just being stupid wasn't I, you didn't scare me it's fine just bein..." but he'd cut you off shaking his head, giving you that frown which means 'dont give me all that rot y/n, I know you.'

🍂 "Nah," he'd say, "now don't start with all that shit now darlin, not wi me eh, I did scare you and you ain't stupid for bein scared neither... you ain't stupid at all..." "but..." when you try to argue he holds your face in both hands, your nose pressed up against his, his scruffy hair tickling your cheek as he gets right up close to you. His eyes are so intense when they lock with yours. "No buts now sweetheart, I fuckin scared you, I know I did and I'm fuckin sorry for it too... I'm the one who lost control so I'm the one who has to apologise right love, so I'm fuckin sorry yeah sweetheart, I hate scaring you an I never wanna do it again yeah... need to start using me fuckin brain eh love..."

🍂 But you hate seeing him put himself down so you're there holding his face in your hands too, looking up at him with such intensity, such stubbornness, it would be infuriating for him if he didn't currently feel so guilty. "You're not a fuckin idiot Arthur... don't call yourself stupid alright..."

🍂 For you and Arthur these scenes always end in the most loving of embraces, him holding you tight against him, you sitting in his lap on the floor, the two of you holding onto one another so carefully, so lovingly, your eyes locking as you tell eachother again how much you love one another. Your lips meeting in a desperate adoring kiss. One neither of you want to pull away from.

🍂 "Fuckin love you my darlin, don't even mean to upset you eh, I'll try harder yeah, Indoor voice from now I promise..." he says in as close to a whisper as Arthur Shelby can manage, kissing your face all over. Kissing away the last of your tears.

🍂 He always promises he won't shout at you again, you always promise you'll stop crying when he does. Both of you know that in a couple days time you'll be going over the whole routine again.

John

🌼 For all that John is a very laidback man, he has a temper on him and he has a very strict sense of morals, right and wrong (despite all of his moral activities) and when he feels strongly about something he will argue about it... and he has a temper on him.

🌼 When he loses his temper things can get messy, too emotional... He doesn't usually lose him temper with you though and so when he does it comes as even more of a shock.

🌼 He doesn't mean to start shouting at you, he already knows you don't deal well with it... Your voices have both been raising slowly as the arguments been escalating and when he finally starts really shouting you shout right back...

🌼 He didn't even realise he'd shouted until he heard your voice shouting back... suddenly cracking because you're trembling, because you've been fighting back your tears and they've just escaped.

🌼 He sees the tears streaming down your face and realises that you aren't even shouting because you're angry, your shout was one of fear. A "Stop it! Stop fucking shouting at me John fucking stop it!" Your hands over your ears as you shout at him from across the kitchen table, your eyes desperate with heartache and fear.

🌼 For a second you're looking at him with real upset and shock, like you don't recognise him at all, like he isn't your John anymore...

🌼 He feels terrible. He's gripped with guilt, a pain in his throat squeezing and aching, he's choked up by tears in his own eyes. Sometimes feelings are too big and John can't handle them.

🌼 Views himself as being the good family man, a loving, caring husband, a protective father, the man who looks after everyone, provides for them, so the idea that he could have done to his wife the one things she really can't handle, disgusts him. He's really disappointed in himself and he's determined to make it up to you.

🌼 He'd raise his hands up in surrender, his eyes full of guilt, his cheeks a little flushed as a tear escapes his eye, he's stepping away from the table, approaching you cautiously.

🌼 "Am sorry flower, I'm sorry..." his voice is wobbling but he's talking quietly now, as if lowering his voice like this is going to make up for the violence of his shouting at you moments before... and it does a little, or at least, his sudden effort to be gentle and careful calms you, lets you know you're not in danger.

🌼 He'll wrap his arms around you carefully, waiting for you to come to him, waiting for you to let him hold you. But when you feel the outline of his embrace you crumble, throwing your arms around him, sobbing into his neck as he closes his hold around you a little tighter, keeping you secure.

🌼 He'll hush you and rock you, doing his best to calm you down, all the while apologising for losing his temper.

🌼 "I'm so sorry little flower, I shouldn't have shouted at you, shouldn't have lost me temper that was fuckin stupid of me wasn't it..."

🌼 Lots of kissing your hair and your forehead. Will hold you as long as you need to calm down.

🌼 Will wipe your tears and tap your nose. Will hold your face in both his hands, thumbs brushing over your cheeks, forehead to forehead promising you very passionately that he'll never shout at you like that again. You can see it in his eyes how strongly he feels, he's got tears in his eyes and he's perhaps crying a little too. He's talking but his jaw is clenched and the words are forced through his teeth so they come out really shaky but certain.

🌼 You catching his tears on your thumbs and brushing them away. The two of you eventually smiling at that, making a little joke about how over emotional you both are.

🌼 If you try to apologise for having cried, or if you try to joke about your tears, how silly it was of you to cry just because he shouted at you he will shake his head, cut you off all "no, no... no way flower, you ain't silly for cryin, you ain't supposed to like bein shouted at and your husband definitely ain't supposed to be shoutin at you like that neither..."

🌼 He'll be extra sweet to you for many days to come, bringing you flowers, talking particularly gently to you too. Lots of affection, hugs, kisses, holding your hand whenever he can, layering it on thick so that you know he still loves you... he knows how sensitive you are and knows that you'll still be worrying about the argument days later, so he'll do as much as he can to show you he loves you.

🌼 Once during a particularly heated family meeting Tommy shouted down the table at you for something you said, John was livid, white as a sheet with rage as he put his arms around you and stood protectively behind you. He was glaring so sharply his stare could have sliced Tommy open. Later you heard them scrapping when everyone else had left.

Bonnie

🍀 Bonnie is such a calm lad, he never shouts even when he's threatening other people. He's not the kind of man who raises his voice unless he really has to, he's usually the quietly threatening, controlled anger, spitting his threats through gritted teeth, not yelling...

🍀 It would take one hell of an argument, you'd both be feeling fragile and desperate, both of you shaking with he strength of the heartache and distress you're feeling.

🍀 Whatever you're fighting about it's been brewing for awhile so you both have so many thoughts, so many troubled feelings you need to get off your chest...

🍀 And when he does shout its because he feels a sudden panic, has a sudden fear that he will never be able to explain himself, never be able to make you understand... it's a truly desperate shout, almost a plea... "Would you just listen to me for a second love I'm trying to..."

🍀But he doesn't even finish the sentence, the second he realises he's yelled at you he feels a wee bit sick, his hands shaking and suddenly he can't speak at all. He's watching you, you're frozen, starring back at him with these terrifyingly sad wide eyes...

🍀 he can see he's just broken your heart.

🍀 For a moment theres silence, you're just starring back at him in shock, he's watching you, scared to move or say another word because if he does he's worried something between you will break. That you're both hanging on by a thread.

🍀 And when the thread snaps and you come back to life, your hand rising to cover your mouth and catch your sob, your eyes closing as your whole body shivers with the effort of fighting back tears, Bonnie watches you with this hollow weight in his stomach, this cold lump of guilt.

🍀 Swallows a lump in his throat, his voice quiet and shaky when he speaks again.

🍀 "Fuck, fuck I'm so sorry dove... don't cry, don't cry dove I'm sorry," he's speaking softly, hesitant to try and hug you because he saw the fear in your eyes and he's not sure you want him to come any closer now. "Please forgive me y/n I'm sorry, can I..." he trails off reaching for your hand, tugging you gently into his arms.

🍀Whatever you were fighting about it simultaneously ceases to matter to him and also becomes completely unsolvable...he's scared youre never going to look at him the same way again. He's supposed to be your man, your protector, the one person you can always trust and now he's let you down, he's scared you... he really resents himself for that, can't forgive himself for scaring you.

🍀"I'm sorry little dove," he'd whisper, his voice soothing, his breath brushing your cheek as he promises he won't shout like that again, "s'okay sweetpea, s'alright..." but he doesn't feel like its alright.

🍀 He'll hold you as snug as he can, but carefully too, treating you extra delicately, he's really hesitant to hug you too tightly or kiss you in case you're scared of him now.

🍀 "Don't be scared of my dove, you're breakin me heart," he says it with a teasing little smile, trying to get a giggle from you or something but you can hear the heartbreak in his voice and you know he's really telling the truth.

🍀 When you settle down a little you nuzzle into him, "Sorry Bon..." you sniffle trying to dry your eyes, caught out and speechless when he catches your hands in his and, strokes his thumbs over your palms. "What you sayin sorry for eh sweetpea? Am the one whose sayin sorry now..." he chuckles, holding your palm up to his lips and kissing your hands.

🍀 Even if you feel better quickly, soothed by Bonnie's sweetness, he won't feel better about it. The guilt will stick with him for a long time, one of those memories that comes back in the middle of the night and makes him cringe.

🍀 He's extra soft with you for the rest of the day and the morning after too, treating you like he's scared you're going to break. He speaks quietly and gently and he'll treat you with such tenderness, holding you at every opportunity, holding your hand even if you're just sitting together. Any excuse to kiss you or tell you he loves you.

🍀 Because he knows how upset you get when someone yells at you, if anyone else ever makes you cry by raising their voice at you Bonnie's fierce protective side will snap and he will be raring to defend you. You have had to talk him down from fights because of this.

Isaiah

🐀 He'll be so shocked when you start crying... he's seen you witness so much "worse" than shouting before... so he really wasn't expecting you to burst into tears when a drunk man at the bar raised his voice at you. He turns with a frown, brows tugged in in confusion as he blinks at you struggling to process the sight of you with tears streaking your face. He honestly didn't think anything could phase you...

🐀 For a second he's stunned but he soon snaps into action... "For fuck sake man now look what you've done!" He groans turning to the man behind your tears, "gone and made me girl cry ain't you... now I have to hurt ya..." he says with a cruel grin, as if he hadn't been intending on hurting the stupid cunt who'd been eyeing his girl up with lecherous eyes all evening anyway. "Don't get me wrong like... I wanted to anyway yeah, you've just given me a good excuse..."

🐀 Once he's satisfied he's fucked the stupid bastard up enough, he turns his attention back to you. He's not expecting to see you still crying, in fact he'd kind of been hoping he'd just imagined it, been hoping he was just going crazy like Arthur... but he isn't, and you are still crying.

🐀 And Isaiah isn't good with crying girls, doesn't know what to do about all those tears, feels totally at a loss.. especially because he's never seen you cry before.

🐀 will try to joke about it, not teasing you harshly, just making a little joke about how 'easily' scared it turns out you are... "You had me fooled mousy..."

🐀 This earns him a pretty firm slap from Ado who's jaw has just hit the floor... "Fuck sake dinlow whatre you doing making it bloody worse!" She'd be all arms crossed and shaking her head, muttering about how men these days are all the fucking stupid same.

🐀 but her slaps gotten through to Isaiah at least who is looking at you now with a somewhat more awkward smile, but he takes your hand and offers you a hug. This is the most stunted a conversation with Isaiah could possibly be and you're beginning to feel a whole different kind of anxious.

🐀 "Right for fuck sake, I've had enough of this.." Ada cuts in, "you.. give your girlfriend a fuckin hug alright," she'd say pointing at Isaiah and then pointing at you, "and you.. god sake girl get yourself a better fuckin boyfriend eh?"

🐀 "Alright Ada piss off yeah I've got her, she's alright now ain't you mousy..." Isaiah would groan, he's embarrassed by Ada pointing out his flaws but hes showing it as frustration instead. He will take her advice onboard however, he isn't that stupid.

🐀 He'll put his arm around your shoulder and squeeze you into his side steering you outside for a cigarette and some cool night air. He knows you'll be embarrassed about crying so he wants to take you somewhere quiet.

🐀 "Sorry for laughing at you doll you just took me by surprise... ain't like you is it... crying..." he'll say gently, he's sharing a cigarette with you, taking a drag or two and then placing it between your lips carefully. This is something he only does when he's trying to make you feel extra close and cosy with him.

🐀 He's quite curious about it, wants to understand why you cried, wants to know what it is about raised voices that you just can't deal with. And this curiosity isn't so that he can mock you, it's so that he can help you. He never wants to see you cry like that again so he wants to help you get over your fear...

🐀 He will offer you lots of reassurance, "you know I'm always here for you love, won't ever let anyone hurt you yeah... so even if someone does shout at you you ain't got nothin to be scared of yeah?"

🐀 He'll remind you that now you're with the Peaky Blinders you're always going to have someone near by to protect you. That men like "that cunt inside" will think twice about raising their voice at you...

🐀 Will hold your hand for the rest of the night, giving it reassuring squeezes at seemingly random moments. His affections will be subtle but constant all night and he'll make sure you feel safe.

🐀 If ever he shouts when you're nearby he'll remember himself quickly, apologising to you as soon as he can, making sure you're alright. If other Peaky lads chastise him for this he'll sock them round the back of the head no hesitations.

🐀 He's too easy going and because he doesn't want to shout at you, he avoids arguments like the plague, he'd rather just let most things slide until an issue absolutely has to be addressed because he's worried that if he gets swept into a row with you he won't be able to stop himself from losing his temper. He isn't sure yet whether this tactic is going to serve him well.

Michael

☘️ Its a heated argument, one which really give meaning to the phrase "blazing row." You and Michael are both furious with one another over a disagreement which has been stewing and bubbling away for weeks. One about Tommy Shelby and the unreasonable pressure he puts on his younger cousin.

☘️ When the row started it was because you wanted Michael to stand up to his cousin, you'd tried to encourage him to put his foot down, to start saying no every now and then when Tommy's demands crossed boundaries, but Michael didn't want to. he said you didn't understand the family, that you were sticking your nose into something which doesn't concern you.

☘️ And because you care so much about Michael you can't let go, won't back down. And because he cares about you and doesn't want you winding up in trouble Michael refuses to back down too. And thats how you end up screaming at one another in the middle of breakfast one morning.

☘️ He's so angry he doesn't notice that you aren't just shouting to match his fierce temper. He doesn't notice that you're trembling all over, that your cheeks are flushed and your eyes are wide and white - more like a deer in the headlights than a dragon.

☘️ The argument would peak with you unleashing all your fear and hurt, all your desperation into one shattering scream, "Leave me alone Michael for fuck sake leave me alone!" you shout over your shoulder when you go running off into the garden and he follows. HE doesn't listen however and it takes you picking a rock up and throwing it in his direction for him to get the message and let you go.

☘️ You run away for the rest of the day, go disappearing down the lane storming into the park up the street, finding a bench or a tree to sit beneath, hugging your knees to your chest and sobbing into your skirts.

☘️ Meanwhile at home Michael is pissed off, pacing, getting angry, damaging furniture as his temper gets the better of him. He's fuming, he can't get his head around why you ran away. Why you were so upset. . He thinks you behaved childishly and doesn't understand why you ran off like a little girl...

☘️ It takes you both a long time to calm down and when you do you really don't want to go back to the house, so you go to Polly's instead, you don't tell her about the row but you drink tea with her and wait for Michael to turn up. (Pol assures you he always comes to her when you've been fighting)

☘️ And when he does show up that evening he's been drinking whiskey and his mood is bitter and self pitying.

☘️ "Let me guess Michael my boy, you and y/n had a row... she got upset, she ran away, she..." "Came here," he smirks shaking his head with a small self deprecating smile, "hiya love..."

☘️ He won't apologise for shouting because you were shouting too, and because Michael never apologises for anything. But he will pour the two of you some tea and try to talk to you a little more softly than before.

☘️ "You worried me love, running away from me like that...gave me a scare..." "You were shouting at me," you shrug sullenly. He would be struggling not to let his temper flare again. "You were shouting at me too to be fair love... and anyway, you're not a little girl are you, you don't run away from someone just for shouting..."

☘️ You'd bristle, getting defensive, fresh tears glossing your eyes then, a painful lump in your throat when you realise he doesn't understand and maybe isn't going to.

☘️ "No," you say, voice catching in your throat, "but what kind of man likes screaming at his girl?" When you ask him that he won't be able to ignore the guilt he feels. He'll be struggling to swallow down the lump in his throat too and he'll reach for your hand across the table, brush his thumb over your knuckles as he looks you in the eyes, tries to find an unspoken equilibrium between the two of you. Something to two of you can hold onto despite your differences.

☘️ "Alright," he says finally, let's out a little sigh and squeezes your hand. "No more shouting eh how does that sound?"

☘️ When you nod your head, your smile forming slow but wide, he mirrors your warm expression and leans back in his chair, tugs your hand across the table so that you'll stand and come sit down in his lap.

☘️ "No more shouting it is then y/n," he says holding your waist in his hands, feeling closer to you at last, enjoying the comfort of your familiar shape beneath his hands. He'll point to his cheek then all, "come on love, give us a kiss eh? Forgive me?" and he'll wait until you do lean in to place a kiss on his cheek before he catches yours in his palm and steers your mouth towards his.

AN/ hope these were what you were hoping for lovely, I honestly am not sure I've done your request justice but I don't think I can write much more so sorry about that :/

Taglist:

@jomarch-wannabe @zablife @call-sign-shark @marwwfairy@toddlerbodybag@mollybegger-blog@inalovesrabbits-blog @elina-777@impossibleheartflower@liliac-dreamer@everysage@itsghostgirlyo

#tommy shelby x reader #arthur shelby x reader #peaky blinders imagine #bonnie gold x reader #john shelby x reader #peaky blinders headcanon #peaky blinders imagines #isaiah jesus x reader #alfie solomons x reader

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dolleminas · 1 year

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Something that absolutely makes me want to tear people to shreds with my teeth is thinking about how women's health is just not a priority in medicine.

1 in 10 women of childbearing age have PCOS.

Yet it's not considered important at all. It's hardly researched. Many women who suffer from this go undiagnosed for years. They are brushed off, ignored, not heard, or just put on birth control as if that's a cure-all. Even if someone with PCOS does get diagnosed the doctors don't even know everything there is to know about it.

Did you know that more than half of women with PCOS develop Type 2 Diabetes by the age of 40? Women with PCOS are often insulin resistant. Furthermore, many women with PCOS also have trouble with vitamin deficiencies, like vitamin D. And did you know that many women with PCOS also suffer from crippling fatigue?

Heart disease?

High blood pressure?

Again, one in ten women.

Can you imagine if one in ten men had PCOS? It would be the most well-researched condition on earth. Going to the doctor would mean that testing for PCOS is one of the first things they do. There would be awareness for PCOS. Treatments would be readily available and covered by health insurance. And so on.

But women are left to suffer because, why? The female body is just not considered important in medicine, yet it's the one people want to control the most. Almost half of the earth's population is female, yet our health is not a priority. If that doesn't make anyone want to go crazy, then I don't know what will.

#radfem #radical feminism #radblr #radfem safe #radfems do touch #ramblings #radical feminist #medical misogyny #PCOS

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nkogneatho · 7 months

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𝐈𝐃𝐊 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐈 𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐑𝐘.

—a/n: just a toji thought i can't get off my head. this ain't a fic or anything but i need to tell you this. but tell me if i should write a fic on it tho. major character death, gn!reader, angst, jjk major spoilers.

toji broke up with you on the day he went to fight gojo. despite showing nothing but utter confidence, there was a tiny ration of his heart aware that he might not come home to you tonight. he might not get to eat the meal you prepared. he might not get to wrap his arms around you. the thought of you being alone, waiting for him with a smile on your face...he couldn't bear it. so he did what he always does. masks himself as the villian.

before leaving for the fight, he'd tell you how he's lost feelings for you, escalating the ground beneath your world. what did he mean? all of a sudden? what happened? your brain immediately started replaying memories, desperately hoping to find a reason where did it go wrong. You started crying, begging for him to give you a reason, or did you do something wrong but his face showed not a single shred of remorse. It felt someone stabbed your heart with an object big enough to hurt it, but not strong enough to pierce it, to leave you with an agonizing pain.

so when you leave your shared apartment—don't think you'll ever say that word again—after packing your things, hating his guts with all you've got, he sighs in satisfaction. When you're at the door, gracing him with one last glance of yours, your brows furrowed, all you could witness was him smiling. you hated him even more. Here you were, hurting, and all he did was smile? did he find someone else? but you didn't have the privilege to keep wanting him anymore so you left.

When you were crashing at a friend's place, Shiu gave you call. You tried to ignore it but 10 missed calls back to back means something.

"Toji's dead. The head of the Gojo Clan killed him." Your world shifted once again. This time, swifter than the breakup. You asked a hundred questions, denying, desperately trying to find a loophole out of this pain but Shiu answered them all as if it was the truth. And to your unfortune, it was. You've never cried harder.

But, when you happen to witness him at Shibuya, you convinced yourself that either you were hallucinating or he was doppelganger. When he locked eyes with you, his lips widened in a smile. Tears formed in your eyes. You immediately jumped in his arms.

"missed me that much, huh? i guess you don't hate me anymore" he said, arms wrapped around you.

"shut up and kiss me." when his lips crashed against yours, it felt like heaven. you've been deprived of this for years and now you finally had it. you knew why he broke up with you. toji tried to convince you to leave since he wasn't real. just an incarnation going to leave again for good, but years later your denial stage wasn't over as you tried to make him stop talking with your kisses.

"baby," he whispered. "I have to leave. It's time you go."

"No." Your voice firm but crumbled in seconds when you realized he won't listen to you anyways. "I don't care if you're not real. I need you. You can't just walk away again. You still have to make up for breaking up with me."

"Sweetheart, please." He sighed, trying to keep his composure but tears rolled down his eyes, a sight the world never witnessed but you.

"Toji. . .I know you wanted to protect my feelings so you made up all that breakup thing. . . but baby it still hurt. Nothing in this world can make me stop loving you. I hated you for it but I hated you because I love you so. damn. much"

"I am sorry. I love you and I am sorry I was so bad to you. I never deserved you. I never deserved your light, but thank you for gracing me with it." His hands started pushing you away.

"No. Stay. Toji!"

"I will always be by your side." In a quick second, he grabbled the broken part of the sword and stabbed his head.

"No. . . no. To—Toji? NO, BABY. TOJI!" you sobbed, crying as loud as ever as you held the corpse of a stranger morphed back to it's orginal body.

"Always be by my side? You left me, you motherfucker," you cried.

Ironic how there was a dead body lying on your lap, but you were the one experiencing death. Knowing everything he did in his life after he met you was to keep you safe from others, yet he was the one causing your heart the most pain right now. But how do you hate a criminal who also happens to be your saviour?

#toji x reader #toji fushiguro x reader #toji angst #jjk x reader #jjk angst #jjk drabbles #jujutsu kaisen x reader #toji x you #toji x y/n #toji fushiguro #jjk x you #jjk x gn!reader #toji x gn!reader #jjk toji #fushiguro toji x reader #fushiguro toji #jujutsu kaisen #jjk spoilers

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tangents-within-tangents · 2 months

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The Bad Batch as Penguins of Madagascar Quotes

Bc I’ve seen a few posts making this magnificent comparison and both of these squads are near and dear to my heart and bc I need a distraction from the s3 premiere ahhh

Tech: *mission relevant info* Hunter: Tell me something I don’t know! Tech: Without mucus your stomach would digest itself Hunter: … Hunter: Tell me something else I don’t know…something less disturbing

Hunter: (to Caleb) It's okay, kid. We're not going to hurt you Crosshair: *cocks his gun* Not true, Hunter, they did authorize lethal force

Wrecker: *absolutely decking his bros* You pillow fight like a bunch of little girls!

Crosshair: What part of "zip it" eludes you?! The "zip" or the "it"?!

Echo: I don't mind saying it, that guy vexes me. *narrows eyes* He's a vexer.

Hunter: Boys, no training tonight. It's game night! Tech: Trivia! Let's play trivia! I dominate trivia! Omega: Oh! Can we play Simon Says this week? Tech: Yes, Simon says we play TRIVIA!!

Crosshair: I find reason tedious and boring. We'll use force.

Echo: I'm sorry, boys. I sometimes resort to sarcasm when facing the unknown Tech: No doubt

Hunter: Oh I’ve seen accident prone, try Wrecker and Crosshair! With a Chandrilan lantern! And SIX BOTTLES of rocket fuel!! Tech: Worst talent show ever

Hunter: There's no such thing as too paranoid, Omega. Remember that, and forget you ever heard it!

Tech: SCIENCE! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!?

Omega: I have an idea! But I'm not sure how safe it is Wrecker: I like it already!

Crosshair: *while fighting* You cannot win, Hunter! I am fueled with a boiling hate! A raging fury! Hunter: And a babbling mouth! *slaps him*

Omega: No! I swore I’d never use my adorability as a weapon again, and I meant it!

Echo: Wrecker, cover Omega’s ears, I intend to use my angry words

Tech: This red line shows the frustration level of a really smart person forced to take orders from some dunder-brained boob. As you can see the frustration just keeps rising and rising and rising. I mean, why don't they put the smart guy in charge, huh? IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE! SOMETHING HAS GOT TO GIVE, PEOPLE! AM I THE ONLY ONE SEEING THIS?!

Wrecker and Omega: *run in making incomprehensible panicked noises* Hunter: Anyone catch that? Echo: *nonchalantly interprets it exactly* The Batch: … Echo: What? I’m fluent in panic

Tech: Cool cars go faster. That's a scientific fact.

Cody, in his one episode: I believe now I know why “volunteers” ends in “tears”

Hunter: No batcher gets left behind, that’s why! Wrecker: What about Crosshair? Hunter: Okay, one batcher gets left behind Omega: and Echo? Hunter: Maybe two batchers get left behind Tech: Um… Hunter: *groan* Comparatively few batchers get left behind, okay?!

Omega: I thought you agreed this was a dangerous weapon! Wrecker: Which is the best kind! What good is a safe weapon?! Tech: He has a point

Hunter: Avert your eyes, young Omega, you’ll never be able to unsee this! Tech, recording bc that’s his freaking hobby: Don’t worry about it I’ll burn you a dvd!

Crosshair: *standing outside the Marauder* Hunter! I have brought you a hand drawn greeting card! It says “Roses are red. Posies are green. Sorry about Bracca, I was too mean. Your pal, Crosshair” :) Hunter: *walks out and shreds the card*

Hunter: Get up here. That’s an order! Tech: *salutes* Permission to defy order? Hunter: Permission denied! Tech: Then I deny your denial (sorry)

Echo: *watching Hunter and Wrecker, captured and surrounded by stormtroopers* Well this hardly seems fair Echo: *jumps in a walker and defeats them easily* Told you it wasn't fair

*Phee and Tech kiss* Omega: *eyes being covered by Hunter* awww Wrecker: Finally!

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ahgasegotarmy116 · 4 months

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He Doesn't Deserve You | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter One

Summary: Life didn't turn out the way you wanted. You got the guy, and the job but everything else you had ever wanted has been crumbling around you. Pairing: f!reader x Jeon Jungkook Word Count: 2.1k~ Warnings: yändere, manipulation, domestic violence, self harm, cheating, explicit language, hints at smut, angst, idk what else lol a/n: Ahh thank you so much for all of the love so far on the intro and even all the notes on the masterlist hehe. I'm really loving the direction this story is going in so I hope you guys will too! And thanks again to @kkusadmirer for the request!

Opening my laptop I pull up the most recent edit I had done on the next chapter I was working on.

I'm a writer, not an incredibly famous one but a writer nonetheless. I make enough to get by and I'm able to work from home so that's all I ever really wanted. Just a silly girl, writing her silly stories, living her silly life.

But unfortunately things don't always turn out the way you want them to.

I thought I had it all, perfect grades and a perfect boyfriend with a loving family and a bright bright future. Now looking back at it all and seeing all of the stuff in the background that I somehow missed just makes me feel foolish.

How could I not notice Taehyung wondering eye? Why did I not listen to what my friends used to say about him? Why did I leave all of my friends behind for him?

Being so wrapped up and so in love with him I didn't even notice the fact that my family was falling apart. My mom cheated on my dad and I never knew until they told me they were getting a divorce.

While my brother was struggling in high school while being around all of their screaming and fighting and finally got committed to a mental institution when he had a psychotic break.

I never knew anything about that. It's not like I didn't care, but I just never really reached out or gave them enough time to reach out to me.

I was always like 'Oh Tae just got home I have to go' or 'Tae is expecting me so I need to get going'. My world has revolved around him for so long that my family and friends feel like strangers.

How could I have been so stupid and neglected them, all for one guy?

The one that I wanted to build a future with and promised to do the same with me. Now here I am, 24 with student loans up to my neck and a sorry excuse for a marriage with a husband that is never home.

I don't know what I managed to do in my past life that ended up royally fucking me up in this one but I'm sorry. Why couldn't I have done better so I would be saved from having my spirit broken and my heart ripped to shreds.

The only positive thing is that this has given me is the inspiration to come up with an even more fucked up series of books that has been my only source of income for the past few years.

Years, wow.

Thinking about how much time has passed and how things went to shit so quickly helped me continue down this downward spiral and I don't know how to make it stop. Although the sound of keys jingling outside the front door is my rude awakening, my brain knowing I need to be conscious of what may happen next.

I quickly wipe off the tears that I didn't even realized had started to fall and clear my throat. Moments later I'm met with the sight of Taehyung walking in wearing the same shirt I had seen him in yesterday but sports a brand new hickey near the collar, just barely noticeable but he makes no effort to hide it.

"Y/n" I hear him call out, breaking me out of my train of thought. "Yes?" I question, hating that I've been caught off guard even though I was staring right at him. "I asked if we have anything to eat" he says, making his way over to the refrigerator, now going to see if he can answer his own question before I'm even given another second to speak up.

"Um yeah I think there's some left over pizza from last night" I say and get up to walk towards him. "So how was work yesterday?" I ask tentatively, still not sure what kind of mood he's in. "Exhausting but it is what it is I guess" he says while stuffing his face full of a cold slice of pepperoni pizza.

I turn to walk away while nodding my head, not bothering to ask anything else since it seems from his vague answers that he's not in the mood to talk.

"Hey" he says, gently grabbing my wrist with the hand that wasn't occupied with the pizza, leaving me frozen in place. I know better than to walk away from him. Even if he's not mad at the moment doesn't mean that he won't be in the next.

"Where are you running off to?" he asks pulling me close by that same wrist. Still doing so carefully but pressing on the bruises that he had left there from the last fight we had.

He sees my slight look of discomfort and how my vision is trained on the wrist he's still holding and rolls up my sleeve, taking a quick look and seeing the evidence of his past transgressions.

"It left a mark huh?" he says examining the spot further and then bringing it up to his face where he places a few featherlight kisses on it, making a flash of heat run through my system when he looks back up at me with those eyes.

Those bedroom eyes that never fail to put me in a trance. He lifts his hand up towards my face and I flinch not knowing what to expect and see him stopping for a second, surprised by my reaction.

"Don't be afraid baby, it's just me" he says and keeps going, hooking his finger on the collar of my turtleneck to pull it to the side, no doubt searching for other marks.

"There's marks here too. I guess it's a good thing you stay home. Don't want to have to make up excuses for those now would you?" he says tapping under my chin twice, a slight lilt in his tone, enjoying my clear discomfort in showing them to someone, even if it's the person that's caused them.

"What did you do today baby?" he asks, letting go of me and going back to grab a few other things out of the fridge to complete his meal. "Oh you know, just some writing" I say, trailing off and giving him the same answer that I've given him time and time again.

"You almost done with it?" he questions, only really asking so he knows when my next big payday will be.

I shake my head "No, not yet. I think I'm only about halfway though" I say, giving simple answers to his simple questions. "Well you better get it out soon. I bet your readers are dying to know what happens next" he says giving me a quick wink before taking everything he has in his hands and carrying it over to the couch.

"Do you think you could grab me a beer?" he asks, but I know it's more of a courtesy than anything phrasing it like I actually had an option. I respond with a quiet yeah and bring it over to him, placing it on the coffee table.

"Thanks babe" he says and grabs a ahold of my hand and angles his head up, clearly asking for a kiss to which I oblige. Again something I don't really have an option in doing. "I missed you" he says and rubs his nose against mine cutely, or at least it used to be cute. Now it just makes me sad thinking of all of those times when we were happy.

"Are you gonna watch the game with me?" this time giving me something that I actually have a choice in. "I think I've got some more writing I'd like to do" I say and he nods his head not even bothering to look at me or give me a verbal sign of acknowledgment before turning on said game and slumping back into the couch to watch.

I walk over to my desk that happens to unfortunately be in the living room so I'm forced to grab my headphones to drown out the sound so I can hopefully get another chapter or two in before I call it a night.

~~~~~~

"Baby" I hear him call for me through my headphones after some time, that's something that I've had to fine tune. Making sure I can hear him when he talks to me no matter what so it's one less thing I have to worry about him getting upset about.

I pull out my headphones and turn my attention towards him, half expecting him to ask me to get him a beer. "Yes?" I reply, waiting to see what he needs. "Come here" he says holding his hand out to me and spreading his legs, showing me where he wants me.

I get up and walk towards him, straddling him once I get close enough and putting my arms around his neck. "Hi" he says in a deep voice sending a shockwave through my nervous system. "Hi" I respond quietly, intimidated at the thought of what he might do next. "How was the game?" I ask tentatively, hoping for my own sake that there was a favorable result.

"We won" he says, mindlessly tracing his hands up and down my curves. "How's your book?" he asks leaning into my neck, placing kisses over the bruises he had noticed from before. "

It's going" I whisper, starting to feel breathless from his warm breath fanning the sensitive parts of my skin. "Ready for a break?" he asks, question laced with a mischievous tone. I hum in acknowledgment, tilting my head to the side so he can have his fun.

~~~~~~

"I'm gonna head out but I'll be back later" Taehyung says while getting dressed with me still laying there with only a sheet to cover my body. "You're leaving?" I question, knowing he just said that but hoping he'll give me some sort of explanation.

"The guys wanted to meet up for a couple of drinks to talk about the game. Get some rest okay? I'll be back in a few hours" he says planting a soft kiss on my lips and one on my forehead.

I nod as he pulls the comforter over me as well, starting to already to drift off to sleep. "Stay safe" I mumble and flip over to the other side to try and get more comfortable.

He looks down at me for a second and chuckles at my fucked out and sleepy state before walking out of our bedroom and soon I'm left with the sound of him closing and locking the door behind him.

Although this night was bittersweet I'm thankful that it ended up like this. He's not a selfish lover when it comes to sex so I'm always left sleepy and satisfied except for the times that he's more rough, rough is putting it lightly so I guess I should say when he's more violent.

I hate thinking about those nights and I refuse to let those dark thoughts cloud this physical euphoric feeling I have but I can't help but worry about what he might actually be going out to do.

Would having a drink with the guys really make him want to leave his naked and freshly fucked wife alone in his bed? I just don't get it. If he's already been with me tonight could there be a possibility that he would wake up in another woman's bed and leave me waking up alone again tomorrow?

There's no use worrying about it though. It's not like it hasn't happened before, but why do I always let it get to me? Yes he's my husband but our marriage isn't like other ones in anyway shape or form. I'm here when he wants or needs me and that's it. I'm not allowed to want or need him because I'm just left disappointed every single time.

He doesn't love me, he just loves what I can give him and I need to come to terms with that. But it's nights like these where he's gentle and whispers sweet nothings in my ear that make me second guess things.

Maybe he's changed? Maybe he's realized what actually matters? And maybe I'm just getting my hopes up. I can't keep lying to myself but I don't know what else to do. I feel alone most days but these little glimmers of hope are what keep me holding on and unfortunately that's all I have left.

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sincerelyverena · 4 months

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⟡⁺ VAYA CON DIOS

. . . OLIVER QUICK X GN!READER ‘in a world so fake, i say your name praying. you are my angel and my saint.’ @ajs-222 @michael-loves-chickens @surazim @soocore

in whichꕀ

✦ ﹒oliver and you form an unlikely bond over his hatred for the cattons and your thirst for revenge. but when you dance with the devil, you're bound to fall. for satan himself or something far more sinister...

tagsꕀ

✦ ﹒implied sex ﹐major character death ﹐strangling (non-sexual) (sorry yall) ﹐ drowning

inspired by the pure energy of hot, smothering justice and betrayal kali uchis vaya con dios radiates. enjoy, my lovelies! also felix is so babygirl, y'all just don't like him in this.. ;]

Oliver Quick was your saving grace.

You were more willing to admit he was your soulmate. Oliver Quick. Meek, unsocial, glasses-wearing Oliver Quick. He took you by the hand — and the heart — guiding you into Oxford's inner circle. A place for you to unravel your sabotage and a root for Oliver to plant his destruction in. A place for your ascendancy to seep through the cracks and weave between the breaks.

More specifically, Felix Catton. The college's golden boy, the beloved playboy of Oxford, and why you were so dedicated to fitting in in the first place.

Felix Catton and the entire Catton name were the root of all your problems. They took every opportunity you could've been offered in their palms, tearing it to shreds, and pummelling it into dust. Without even realising it, they had sabotaged everything you could've known.

The limelight of one of the downtown bars you all had travelled to flickers upon Felix, the neon glow outlined every discreet detail he bore proudly on his face. The captured appeal in every crook and dent, to the extent that any flaw he may have possessed is gone and buried before anyone could've noticed.

Felix Catton had the school population wrapped around the slimness of his fingers. Hell, even the once hardened aquamarine of Oliver's eyes softened ever so slightly with every passing grin of Felix's mouth. Every clasp of his back. Every manipulative lie that he’d utter with a smirk pasted on his face. Every sickly-sweet word that sweetly left his lips.

But not you. Even after four rounds of whiskey martinis, you felt like the only sober person in the room. You knew Felix and his family for what he was.

Selfish, all-wanting, all-ruining rascals.

Your own family once had close-knit ties with the Cattons. Years before your mother was even impregnated. Your grandmother had whispered tales of summers at Saltburn as if it was a fairytale. Endless courtyards, wide, luxurious estate grounds. Wild parties. Even wilder sex. At a young age, you had grown a thirst for experiencing anything that remotely came close to the experiences bored into you time and time again. You needed to quench your cravings, but nothing came near.

Things may have been different if the Cattons sunk your parent's business. For good.

Even the most naive garnered a sense and even an adoration for gossip and rumours as soon as they'd step onto Saltburn grounds, reputation was adorned upon a gold-plated pedestal. The root of striking words and poison-tainted oaths is Lady Elspeth. A wheat-blonde-haired bitch that brought your family so much misery.

A couple of words that escaped the snake's mouth destroyed generations of work. A whole family business deteriorated into the dust, and she didn’t even bat an eye.

This series of unfortunate events resulted in your mother passing you onto your grandparents, fabulously wealthy (but not as wealthy) and luxurious in their own right.

They raised you under their family name. Esmeray.

This granted you easy access into the prestigious inner circles of Oxford, invited by Felix Catton himself. He had noticed you a few scarce times prior, typically on Oliver’s arm, Ollie, who took it upon himself to sneak you into various VIP parties for the cause. Any remotely attractive person is enough to catch Felix's eye, and lucky for you, you were drop-dead stunning.

That's why you weren't the least surprised when he extended an invitation to stay the summer at Saltburn. The next step is avenging the Marzena family name. For good this time.

Saltburn couldn’t have ever compared to the fairytales whispered in your ear during your childhood days. Those tales did it no justice compared to how stunning and profound the estate truly is.

The molten sunlight disappeared beyond the horizon, and flecks of pure gold ascended throughout the gradually darkening sky. Pure summer drifted through the air, sending a warmth of contentment to settle in the pit of your belly. But your job here wasn't done. It was far from done.

The warmth in your belly reverberated through your shoulder as a firm hand clasped upon the brink of your silhouette.

"We're going to be late for dinner, sweetheart." Oliver's slow words reached your ears, his thumb gently tracing circles into the shining glimpse of skin that wasn't enwreathed by the inky, silk fabric you wore for the Catton’s strict dress codes.

Even though Oliver's hands were glacially cold — practically comparable to ice — the molten glow of his touch rolled throughout your frame pleasingly. This causes your lips to unfurl into a not-so-concealed smile. His words could engrave themselves into your mind, and he knew it as fact. "Come along now."

You tore your eyes away from the purely otherworldly scenery available at your will. In the minute or so that Oliver managed to garner from you, the radiant golden brinks of daytime were gradually drowned out by the raven shadows of nightfall.

"I think I’m in shock." The words escaped your lips with a half-suppressed laugh that reverberated lightly from your chest. Your mind raced to piece together the proper syllables necessary to describe the unfiltered beauty of Saltburn. “This is all so…”

"...unreal?"

Oliver finished your sentence for you in a matter of seconds, as if he plucked it out of your fluttered head. His hand shifted, arm rolled over the base of both of your bare, garmentless shoulders. Draped. Practically protectively he wordlessly guided you towards the door of your temporary suite. Temporary. For now, at least.

"Mmm… something like that." You quipped in turn, deciding with promptness to sink into the mere gentleness of his touch. The work of his hands alone arrowed straight to the pump of your heart and occasionally the heat of your core. These newly established sentiments that you’ve garnered for Oliver Quick had brought you a whirlwind of devotion to successfully come to fruition.

It wasn't an unacknowledged fact between the two of you that a spark had conquered itself, gradually. Every touch. Each glance. Every word that two of you had come to share. Oliver's intensity, his willingness to take you into his hands and never release you. And your revering homage, your tendency to treat him as if he were a god.

The Catton's were the most oblivious. Oblivious to their guest’s steadily swelling obsession. For each other and the downfall of their own, the destruction that played as a constant in their heads.

In order to play the part, you and Oliver separated from each other in front of the rest of the household to confide in both your constant alliance and devotion. You found sociability and acceptance in Farleigh and Venetia. Stingy, ego-brimming relatives to the Catton name. Oliver confided in Felix and even Elspeth, that as much as you disliked that fact. Alas, you weren't a stranger to the occasional lingering glance. The crinkle of Oliver's midwinter blue eyes, the tug of his sensually plump lips into a gradual, subtle smirk that occupied a lump in your throat. You drove him crazy the same. Or so you thought.

In the quietest hours of Saltburn, you found yourself curled up against Oliver’s silhouette. His godly arms inched around the frame of your torso, pulling you towards his strapping — and occasionally bare — chest. You often found yourself with your head buried in the crook of his neck. Inhaling the fragrances of honeydew and tangerine, the scent that virtually dripped off of Oliver’s altar of a body. A newfound pinkness tainted your cheeks.

"We live in a cruel world, don't we, darling?" Oliver proceeded to fill the silence one sleepless night with his deliberate drawls. His wide palms combed through your scalp absentmindedly. You could feel his warm breaths misting your ear every other second.

"We're living proof of that, Oliver." You gently reminded him.

"They sit on their golden thrones," Oliver raved onwards, irritation hung on every word. You didn't have to advert your eyes upward to know that his chiselled jaw was clenched, the muscles in his neck flexed accordingly. "While I had to grow up with an ignorant weasel for a father and a pill-popper for a mother."

You propped yourself up on your elbow, the pillow under your head sunk under the weight as you essentially crawled towards him. Captured his lips with your own, the taste of spearmint toothpaste meddled within your tongue as he proceeded to tangle into you. The kiss alone was fiery, frantic as Oliver poured his past and present into the serene bubble the two of you had formed, together.

"That'll all be behind us soon." You reassured him with each brush of your lips.

"Very soon, my love. They'll be the ones on their knees begging for our mercy."

Those meaning-filled kisses transitioned shortly into something more, the noises of willing gasps and the frantic rustle of garments echoed throughout the suite. In the head-whirling cloudiness of lust, you weren’t to notice the boy who stands with his ear pressed against the other side of the door. Lips thinned. Eyebrows drawn together.

Felix had heard everything he needed to know.

The racketing denouncing of the door caused your head to snap toward the cause. You’ve spent your morning in solitude, with a cup of steaming tea and a handful of your thoughts. Yet the peace you’ve marinated in over the past few hours dissipated as you witnessed Oliver stand there with promptness, hand still pressed deeply against the door handle. The silence drew throughout your suite, disturbed the slow, heavy grunts that reverberated from him.

Something was wrong,

Oliver sucked in a sharp breath.

"We're leaving after the house party tonight." He announced at last.

Your teacup almost slipped from your palms. Your breath quickened, fumbling to set the object aside before you made a start towards Oliver. And the man — who seemed more like a boy at the moment — inclined his toned arms around the sleight of your waist, clutching for dear life. He held you close. Chest to chest. Heart to heart. You felt each puff of breath escape and fill him, emptying him and deeming him whole. Your arms secured around his shoulders, triceps tucked behind his neck.

"24 hours is more than enough." You deemed.

"You think?"

"I believe."

As you spoke, you felt the muscles that once rippled rigidly against your hands loosen the slightest. Your digits traced absentminded patterns into the hem of his shirt.

“You’re tense.” You pointed out, falling back momentarily in the process. Your eyebrows drew together as you took in the strained look blatantly playing on his face. With the amount of stress filling his ocean-remanent eyes, he had looked to have aged a decade.

Oliver's hands braced towards your jaw, long digits framing your face as he leant in. He peppered a feather-weight kiss to the top of your head. You couldn't have missed his shaky inhales grazing the cuff of your ear as he inched forward.

“I have a plan.”

That's how you and Oliver found yourselves occupying the brink of your unmade bed, the cup of half-drunken tea still allocated in your hands and a look of fierce determination glowering in his unwavering gaze.

Wordlessly, Oliver lapsed a singular, broad hand in the vicinity of his dark dress pants, fingers gliding beneath the denim material. Your breath is lodged in the centre of your throat at the very sight. Your thoughts began to drift, internally perplexing if his grand plan was to fuck his griefs out on you. That was until he retrieved a ziplock bag from his briefs, cocaine weighing the plastic down.

"Oliver Quick. You are a fucking genius." You whistled at the glimpse of the thin, pale powder. Oliver's intentions were as clear as day and the motions for revenge were just as evident.

The pressure and strain that pulsated behind Oliver’s eyes softened with every syllable that escaped your lips. His gaze never left yours, deliciously prominent. A somewhat startled squeal echoed throughout the bedroom suite as Oliver hauled you up using the agency of your hips. Your legs sprawl on both flanks of his thighs as he reposed you across the sleight of his lap.

"C'mere 'n say it to my face then, princess."

The house party that arose thereafter that evening was open to all extravagant guests who were deemed worthy enough to be invited personally by the Cattons. You were bursting at the seams with scorching adrenaline at the thought of all of these unsuspecting capitalists, oblivious of what was about to transpire.

You and Oliver remained on contrasting sides of the estate, a fact that brought a sense of yearning. And you yearned for nothing more than to blow the night with the man you deemed to be your beloved. Alas, the two of you weren't established. And you both had a murder to fulfil.

One day.

"Shh..."

Oliver's voice was hushed, his whispers interlinked with a domineering raspiness as the two of you venture away from the club scene of heroin, alcohol and the prominent hue of arousal and cigarette smoke. You spied Felix, his celestial silhouette still visible from a fair distance away. He's accompanied by one of the well-heeled invitees, one of his idolizers who had spent the majority of the night garnering his undivided attention.

You crushed your drug stick underneath the heel of your footwear as you proceeded to wander behind the individuals ahead. They advanced towards the vast bridge that adorned one of the numerous rivers the estate occupied. Which acted as a hook-up spot for most, obvious by the number of condoms and cigarettes scattered upon the planks.

You gave a wordless prayer for the estate maids for their grounds inspection at dawn. But you knew God couldn't help neither you nor Oliver now for what you were about to accomplish.

It was childishly easy. Snag one of the champagne bottles from the downstairs kitchens and instil half of the ziplock bag's contents into the beige substance. Shook it until it was dissolved. Oliver seized it by his side.

By the time the couple approached the bridge, Felix already propped his midnight flings up on the fencing, palms grappling behind their thighs to keep them fixed in place. Their calves squeezed around the roundness of his hips, digits fumbled urgently to undo the leather clasps of his belt.

Within a minute or two, a strangled moan rang throughout the otherwise hushed air as Felix buried his head into the crook of their neck.

Anticipation pounded through you with each step you made. The heart of the Cattons. Soon to be executed under the guise of revenge. And what a bloody revenge it would be. Oliver's vacant hand intertwined with your own for a beat of a second, a rapid squeeze capable of sending any possible doubt into destruction. Replaced by a flutter of warmth that uncoiled in your chest.

Felix had taken notice of you both hastily, balls deep in his oblivious affair – who was spluttering and whimpering around his shoulder. The chorus of smacking flesh subsided, the strike of Felix’s hips diminishing as the man stared at his former friends with a bewildered expression.

"The hell are you doing here?" Felix demanded, grunting a half-hearted apology to his now flustered entanglement as his palms clung to their waist, pulling out with a fluent jerk of his hips. He was in every respect flaccid now, no doubt.

Oliver wasn’t phased in the slightest. "We need to talk, Felix."

“What the hell?”

The individual who once occupied the bridge had already recomposed themselves, looking daggers up at the colossal man that towered over them. Felix scarcely spared them a glance. They seethe at his lack of response, before steamrolling past you to rejoin the commotion back at the estate.

Rendering them alone.

"There's nothing to talk about," Felix contended. He broke his gaze as he heeled momentarily to adjust himself. Sloppily. There’s a shakiness in his hands.

In your eyes, he's the remnant of a fallen angel. Shadowed eyebags dominated the space beneath Felix’s whisky-glittering eyes, his wolfish-like face wiltering, hollow cheeks thinned out excessively to be presumed normal. You acknowledged it was a fact that everyone else's value of him wouldn't budge. Not even a dent. Not even in the grave.

Oliver thrust the sabotaged bottle against Felix's Herculean chest with a forceful arm, prompting him to grab hold. Your pulse rang in between your ears. You wished you could’ve engraved this moment in time into your mind.

"You're right." You reasoned. Your words seemed foreign to your ears as if it were someone else that was speaking. You could only pray that the ecstatic nervousness that jolted throughout you wasn't manifesting outwardly.

Oliver’s fingers laced within your own. The sweat that prickled along the curve of his palm signalled to you wordlessly that he was experiencing the same, intense elation that grappled at your abdomen and twisted. "We'll see you back at Oxford, yeah?"

Felix scrutinizes the somewhat empty champagne bottle in his palms (courtesy of you pouring it out an hour prior). His words falter and for a moment you begin to ponder if his perception of you two was corrupted for good. Nevertheless, Felix fixated immensely towards your linked hands.

"Yeah. I'll see you back at Oxford."

As you and Oliver diverged from Felix, you could hear the droughty gulps of the spiked substance. It was apparent to you that you'd never see Felix again after this moment. The reassurance of that fact, set in stone, brought about a flutter of relief to overtake the apprehension you once esteemed.

A slow, deliberate smile crept onto your lips.

As predicted, the entire Catton household fell apart after Felix was found. He collapsed on the wooden tiling of the bridge, sprawled out with a mouthful of his puke pooled around his ever-paling silhouette.

It was obvious he suspected. He trusted them anyway and attempted to save himself in the process.

Even though you both were invited to the funeral a couple of days after the fact, the rock-tossing (an off-putting tradition in the Catton family) was regarded as family only.

You sat, only an hour later, bare feet dangling off of the edge of the bridge as Oliver attempted to retrieve each rock from the drafts of the flowing river current.

"Don't fall in and drown, Ollie!" You exclaimed, playfulness irking your tone as you grinned down at him. The sight of Oliver, ass-up, in an attempt to grasp the smooth, memorial rock was a sight to witness indeed.

Oliver turned his head and snapped out of his focused determination to flash you a similar smirk. "I'd have to be bound and gagged for that to happen, sweetheart."

His words caused a particular imagery to pollute your thoughts.

Alas, your plans towards the Catton family and their demise were practically writing themselves. Venetia was becoming heavily depressed by the absence of Felix and Farleigh (whom Oliver framed and resulted in him having to exit Saltburn for good).

With a few metal blades smuggled into a porcelain bath and a few encouraging words from Ollie, the woman was found bathing in her crimson remains. Funeral. Rock-tossing. Rock-retrieving.

"Be careful the rock doesn't weigh you down, Ollie!"

You continued to tease him as he soon approached you. Oliver's typically straight, combed-over locks of caramel were drenched. The waterdrops highlighted the olive of his skin, and you wished desperately to kiss all the droplets away.

Oliver took hold of your waist, pulling you in. A droplet of water splashed against the end of your nose, causing a stray laugh to rise out of you.

"If I'm goin' down, you're goin' down with me."

Oliver lowered his head, his water-dripping, plump lips placed a long kiss on the end of your nose. The sudden shake of his wet strands caused water to spray all across your face.

You groaned in protest. You kissed him back anyway.

Laughing felt foreign to you. Especially when you were smuggling a dissolvable pill or two in the alcohol-infested substance of both Sir James and Lady Elspeth's glasses. It lies atop the tables decorating either side of the king-sized bed. They were preoccupied with the purposeful ruckus Oliver was causing downstairs and lurched up from their sleeping quarters to investigate.

Like all the victims before them, it was elementary. James and Elspeth evolved into a habit of indulging in a few (or five) drinks before bed. The tendency to stress drink evergrowing with the funerals and departures that lined up before them. Before their own.

Oliver slid the build of his toned arms around you, sensing his biceps straining straight into your waist. You watched as the drugged solution dissolved into nothingness while he watched you. A singular reached upwards towards your mouth which was pulled back into a grin. He bore a cool palm over your lips.

"If you keep laughin' like that, you're gonna give us away." His voice rumbled into the curve of your ear. The assertive husk of Oliver’s tone was enough to cause you to fall silent, only the ghost of a smile flickering upon your lips.

Elspeth dreaded the idea of the lovers ever considering their departure from Saltburn. James desired the absence even more. You both decided to make it easier for them.

A choked cry echoed out, barely five minutes later.

Oliver towered over the end of the bed. He never wanted it to transpire this way, but Elspeth refused to bloody die off. Your lover's fists decorated the weak column of her throat like a collar, harsh palms proceeding to crush down against skin and bone without a sleight of hesitance.

"Sweetheart, look away." He evoked.

You couldn't.

Elspeth gawked up at Oliver with wrinkled eyes. Once brimming with adoration. Now dull with despair, her calloused hands went as far as to claw against the relentlessness of his hands. Elspeth's air supply grows limited, a strangled outburst that escapes her at this realisation.

It didn't take long for her to stop fighting, and collapse against the paled corpse of her husband. You peppered lightweight kisses along the gaping nail marks dressing the skin atop Oliver’s hands. Oliver's blood was left smeared across the frame of your lips. Like he was your sacrifice. Like you were a god.

He looked at you like such.

Disposing of the bodies was even simpler. As you laboured to wipe the bedsheets clean of any possible evidence, Oliver tossed the carcasses into the wide, sprawling woods a mile or two away from the estate. The wild animals are bound to eat away at the rot infecting the pale, cold meat.

From scum, you came. Now scum you become.

The Catton Family Players music box is anchored to a table, presented in the middle of the foyer. Four smooth rocks perched on top. Even though there wasn't a funeral explicitly necessary in this case, it grew to be a game. You and Oliver took turns tossing the engraved rock into the rivers before plunging after them.

In no time at all, whatever garments you possessed were cast aside. You were shoulders-down submerged in the pummelling waters, each movement rippling the moana-blue waves.

Oliver bore his arms around you, encompassing your waist to keep you afloat so you would be able to soak in the scenery ahead of you. Submerged in the serenity of nature. With only the limelight of the sun sinking below the horizon to keep you two company.

You trusted him not to drop you. Of course, you trusted him.

Why wouldn't you trust him when he gave you everything you had ever wanted? His lips pressed warmly against the curve of your forehead. You were both skin to skin, but it didn't feel enough to you. He could’ve been inside you (in whatever way that struck the imagination). And it’d never be enough.

"What's happenin' in your pretty little mind, sugar?" Oliver hummed, his articulation was in the form of a mere whisper. Yet, the rumble of his words solicited you with so much warmth you had to take a second to respond.

"You." His eyebrows raised at the simplicity of your words. "How lucky we are."

The familiar warmth of that chuckle you love so much leaves his chest in a glowing reverberation. "We are a lucky pair, aren't we, darlin'?"

You would've never guessed for revenge and lust to be written on the same page. But through vengeance, and the motions of murder, you had gained your other half.

You had never felt happier. Never felt more whole.

And you loved him. You loved him so immensely. Nobody could have ever doubted that fact in the first place.

That's why you were the most bewildered when you stirred from rest, aroused into waking. You had foreseen residing in Oliver's arms, in the master suite the two of you now occupied. You were in Oliver's arms, yes. But not in the way you hoped for.

That's exactly how you got to this point in time.

You strain and challenge the thick ropes constricting the frame of your ankles and wrists, alerting Oliver to your consciousness. You incline your head over the brink of your bare shoulder, catching a glimpse of nothing but fields surrounding the two of you.

A river draws closer and closer in the distance.

You attempt to will yourself to speak, but your lips are harshly taped shut. Oliver doesn't need to receive your words of interrogation anyway, as he proceeds to speak.

"You were always a feisty one." He comments loosely, voice casual as if you weren't bound and gagged in between his defined biceps. His bare feet hit against the ground beneath him, muffled by the field's natural grass dressing,

"What a shame it had to be this way."

As the river grows nearer and nearer in your line of view, you spy something bland and metal perched on the rocks beside the streaming current. It's rougher today. A contrast in comparison to the passive waves you and Oliver bathed in the few days prior.

Your eyes rounden in realisation.

Fully aware of the restraints diminishing your speech, you attempt to grill the man above you on why the hell he possesses a weight. No properly audible sound manages to slip out.

A dry snigger escapes Oliver. "It would've been too obvious, my dear. I mean, we're the last ones standing." He falters in step, the waves of the river's current join the throbbing of your heart, roaring between your ears. Oliver inclines downwards, fingertips as gentle and purposeful as ever as they tease the edge of the tape. "What a tragedy it'd be for my lover to be taken away from me as well."

Tears prickle at the edge of your eyes.

The tape rips away from your lips, strangling a cry from deep within your throat at the throbbing pain that overbears you. Oliver tosses the tape aside without a second thought, the pad of his thumb rubbing easing circles into the somewhat swollen attributes of your mouth. "Shh..."

"Oliver, this isn't fucking funny."

"I know it isn't, sweetheart."

The man you thought you loved lowers his head and meets a feathery kiss against your lips. Once. Twice. Thrice. He leans upwards, and an indescribable emotion flutters in the whirling aquamarine of his eyes. "But it has to be done."

Oliver's broadened palm takes hold of your mouth harshly, sinking his slender digits into the flush of your cheeks. A sharp distinction to the flutter of his lips seconds prior. You howl your protests into his fingers, writhing in his overpowering arms as he works to lock the weight onto the rope decorating your ankle. Your howls turn into sobs that wrack your chest with each breath, the colour promptly draining from your face. Oliver stands right at the edge of the rocks lining the river, decorating the roaring waters below.

Molten tears ride down your cheeks. Your voice rasps. "Ollie?"

"Yes, princess?" He still garners the ability to serenade you with the sweet tinges of his words, as if you weren't on the way to your inevitable death.

"Venetia was right about you. You're fucking sick in the head."

There isn’t a trace of aggravation that crosses Oliver’s face. His unruly eyebrows raise for a moment, overcome by amusement as he scrutinizes you darkly.

"Now, now. Let's not forget who was by my side the entire time."

He's right. You know he's right. You glare up at him with a twisted combination of loathing and horror at the enlightenment. You took down every one of the Cattons by his side. He took you under his wing and assisted you in getting your way against the people you've despised for the majority of your life. This was your way of repaying him.

"I'll see you in hell, bastard."

These are the very last words you manage to seethe before your bound silhouette is freed from Oliver's bone-chilling palms. Before your entire physique sinks into the freezing waters, swallowing your entire body whole as the weight anchoring your leg propels you further downwards.

Your last breaths escape you in a gust of bubbles, rising desperately to the top as you reach the bottom of the makeshift hell you were tossed into.

The last thing you see is a rock with your name on it.

—Pues mírame a los ojos, dime si ves el vacío que deja amor perdido— "LOOK ME IN THE EYES, TELL ME IF YOU SEE THE VOID THAT LOST LOVE LEFT BEHIND"

WORD COUNT: 4K MASTERLIST

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mika-no-sekai-blog · 6 months

Text

Word count: 1400+

Warnings: mentions of blood, depression, description of wound

In books there's no mention of Tamlin being able to winnow, but for the sake of story, let's pretend he can, okay?😉

Part II

You lived in a small cottage deep in the woods of Spring Court, far away from other fae. It wasn't like you hated them, they hated you. Most of the creatures living in this area avoided you, believing you had quite great powers and vicious nature, cursing anybody who crossed your way.

The rumours couldn't be further from the truth, but it didn't bother you what they said about you. You loved silence, enjoying every second of your lonely life in the heart of the nature.

You had several friends that used to stop by from time to time and brought you news, so you heard about everything that happened to your High Lord. You heard rumours about him going crazy, spending his days devastating his land in a form of horrific monster. You heard that fae ran away from this doomed Court. Last of your friends came to bid you farewell just few days ago trying to convince you to run away too. But why should you?

You lived alone, not caring about the outside world. You didn't care about what's happening out there, you didn't care about your High Lord nor the upcoming war. It had no meaning in your life. Feelings like hate, fear or love were just words with no particular meaning. And so the time passed slowly.

Fresh morning air brought smell of rain through the open window. Last night rained and the sound of raindrops on the roof of cottage lulled you to sleep. With bright smile you got up, changed and cleaned your room. Today it should be a nice sunny day. The intoxicating scent of flowers beckoned you out. Quickly you ran through your herb stocks and made a list of missing ones. You took small basket and went out to collect what you needed. Birds sang above your head as you bent down to tear off some chamomile flowers.

A roar thundered through the forest, making all birds fling away. You looked around with caution. Another roar shook the trees. And another. Now you knew where it was coming from. Quickly, but quietly you ran in that direction. It's in your nature to help to those who needed it. And this with no doubt sounded like somebody needed your help.

You ran up a hill ending in a cliff. And there down in a narrow valley on the other bank of small stream was lying the biggest beast you'd ever seen. Body of bear, head of wolf with antlers, his eyes were clenched in pain. On his side you could see deep wound, blood flowed in thin rivulets into the water. You didn't waste a second, climbed down and ran to its side. As you got closer, the beast opened its eyes and looked at you with a growl, showing off rows of sharp fangs. You halted and held up your hands.

"It's okay. You see? I'm not going to hurt you. I want to help you. Will you let me take a look?" you spoke to the beast in a soothing voice as you slowly step by step got closer. The beast growled again, but it put its head back on the ground. Green eyes never left yours, watching you with caution. Slowly you bent down. "Can I?" you gestured to the wound. It took few heartbeats, but the beast nodded slightly.

You knelt down between enormous paws, trying to ignore the dagger-like claws that could turn you into shreds of flesh in less than minute and examined the wound. It was so deep you could see its bones and even though it'd already begun to heal, it had to be treated. You bit down your lower lip. You needed to get the beast to your cottage, but it's too big and couldn't walk on its own in this state.

"It's quite deep. I need bandages and salve, but I don't have it all with me now. I'd need to go home. You are too big and heavy, so I can't take you with me.." you started to explain.

"Where?" a male's voice rasped.

"What?" you questioned, not sure if you really heard it.

The beast blinked. "Where?"the voice repeated with great effort. You lips parted in surprise.

"Well.. My cottage is about a kilometer to the north east from here."

"'Know the place," it breathed out. "Hold on to me."

You weren't so stupid to think, it's a real speaking beast. If nothing else, its eyes gave you enough hint. Of course, it's a high fae, a shape-shifter. And it seemed he could even winnow, so you did as he told you and took his paw with both of your hands. In a blink of an eye you were back in your cottage. Your head spun after the winnow, but you ignored it. Quickly you brought everything you could need and started to work on him. After few minutes the wound was bandaged and bleeding had stopped as well.

"I'm done," you announced. "It will take some time to completely heal. You can stay here until you will be able to move again." You wiped your hands clean while the beast just was laying, eyes narrowed, lost in his thoughts. He didn't seem to be in pain anymore. "Would you like something to drink?" you asked him gently, peeking on him.

His eyes concentrated on you once again, roaming around your face and then down your body. There was so much sadness in them. He just shook his head. "So I will let you take some rest," you nodded. "If you change your mind or it hurts you, tell me." The beast snorted and his eyes once again stared into the distance, returning to whatever he was thinking about before.

Several days passed since you found the wounded beast and brought him to your cottage. He didn't want to eat nor drink and that made you worry. He didn't speak, answering you only with small nods, his gaze was unfocused. He just lay on the floor where he winnowed to, like a lifeless object, stuffed animal. Even his wound was closing slower than it should.

You believed that everything had its time. If he wanted to talk about what bothered him, he would already say something. It wasn't your place to stick your nose into other's troubles. But still you were worried about him. You even heard him cry in his sleep last night.

Every day you checked on his wound, applied the salve and wrapped it into clean bandages and today wasn't different. Before, you let him be after tending the wound, but not today. He needed help and you were more than ready to offer your help even though he didn't ask for it.

You made him tea and set the bowl in front of him. It would be easier if he turned back into his normal form, but it couldn't be helped. Maybe he was too weak to do so. You sat down next to him and in silence ran your fingers through the fur on his shoulder. He sighed and closed eyes. You didn't talk, just continued to stroke his shoulder. After few minutes he dipped his tongue in the bowl and drank a bit. His sad green eyes turned to you, watching you carefully.

"You don't have to do this," he rasped.

"I know," you answered gently. He huffed. His eyes roamed around the room as if it was the first time he noticed.

"For vicious witch, you live quite peacefully. Silently I'd say." Now it's time for you to huff.

"You shouldn't believe everything you hear."

"Everyone runs from this doomed Court. Why don't you do so too? Aren't you scared of High Lord?" His voice sounded so empty, without any feelings.

"I don't care about what's happening out there," you answered evasively.

"Hmm," he hummed. "Did you hear about his fiancée and the best friend? They ran away from him too. He certainly must be a monster." He watched you out of the corner of his eye.

"Maybe," you shrugged. "I've never met him. I would prefer to make my own opinion on him."

"I see," he drank some more of the tea and then stayed silent. His eyes were again sad and unfocused and you didn't press him more. However you continued to caress his fur without thinking. Soon enough his eyes closed and he fell asleep.

He slept for the rest of the day. You checked on him before going to the bed, but he was still fast asleep curled up into a ball. That night he seemed to rest peacefully without any haunting dreams.

In the morning when you came down, he was gone.

#tamlin #tamlin x reader #tamlin x you #tamlin acotar #tamlin fanfiction #acotar fanfiction #acotar #spring court #high lord tamlin #high lord of spring court #sarah j maas #tamlinweek #tamlin week #pro tamlin #tamlin angst

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wonwoosthetic · 4 months

Note

Hi there! Hope you are doing well! thanks for responding to my ask, I totally don't expect you to respond immediately. I really enjoyed the latest fan videos and social media posts you've uploaded!!! I'd also love a Minnie-Dino video! She'd be so supportive of his mixtape <3 All those variety shows you listed would be fun, also seeing how she and BM can bond over being in co-ed groups would be interesting. I wish Jessi's showterview was still a thing. Maybe Somi's yes or hot? --boo's pld anon

series masterlist

word count – 15k

a/n: I had troubles with the tags, but I think this will show up… let’s hope so🥲 thank you babes for your opinion and help! I decided to start with the minnie x dino fan video since I’ve also gotten private requests on my google form for a chapter like this so a big thank you to everyone you has sent in ideas for this through my form ˙ᵕ˙ Minnie and BM would be PURE chaos as well and I can’t wait to write something about them hahaha I thought maybe about doing a past Jessie‘s showterview kind of chapter bc I just love those videos so much, she’s so unhinged😭 but yes! Somi‘s yes or hot could also be an idea, I’ve only ever seen clips from her with hyuna, but I loved it hahah🩷 anyways, I hope you and everyone else enjoys this chapter, thank you as always and please stay happy and healthy🫶🏼

minnie and dino: the adorable noona-dongsaeng duo of seventeen

[welcome, welcome]

[this video will for one, warm your heart]

[and two, tear you to shreds when you remember that you neither have a minnie or a dino in your life]

[have fun]

[GOING SEVENTEEN] EP. 36 SVTSIDE OUT

[when I tell you, this woman would literally defend this man with HER LIFE]

[i mean it]

The mood was abruptly changed to 'anger', already calling out for chaos as Minghao was just passing around the bottles of different drinks he had brought for the group. Speaking normally was unknown to the members from that moment on. They only knew how to converse in shouting.

Hoshi had come up to the '97 Liner, ordering him to go back again and get more drinks.

[the entire episode was so chaotic, good god]

He got on his way but stopped a few feet away from the rest of the group to ask for specific wishes as to what drinks the members would want. When Dino offered to come along and help him, Hao shouted at him.

"Sit!"

[everything about this scene was so freaking funny]

[i literally almost peed my pants]

[#tmi]

Getting an immediate response from the maknae in doing exactly that. The girl next to him chuckled, hiding her grin behind her hand as she tried to keep the juice she had just drank from the bottle in her mouth. It was rare to see Minghao in such a state of anger, even if he was just acting. The dancer disappeared around the corner when at the same time, Jeonghan decided to speak up.

"Dino, go with him!" He demanded.

The youngest, who was just about to sit back down between Minnie and Jun, decided to stay up and turn around.

"But he- he doesn't- he said DON'T!" He shouted out, making all of the other members chuckle and laugh out loud.

[okay but why do i kinda want dino to scream at me now...]

Hoshi leaned onto the female member, almost unable to control his laughter.

"I want to, but he says not to!" Dino continued to argue with the '95 Line on the far left in the camera view as they continued to order him around, trying to get him to follow Minghao.

"Ya!" Minnie surprised everyone by suddenly standing up, "Leave him alone!"

[minnie not taking shit from man, even if it's just acting, even if it's her own members, LET'S GOOO]

Getting a hold of the maknae's lower arm. "If you want your drinks, go get them yourselves!"

[her defending him is so fucking cute omg]

"You can go with him if you talk back to us like that!" S.Coups stood up, making the girl subconsciously take a small step back.

[not minnie or dino related, but i just KNOW that was muscle memory and our girl here was SCARED]

[i mean, who wouldn't be, yk]

[but i'd also be turned on bc it's scoups]

"Yeah, go with him!" Joshua joined.

Followed by Jeonghan, "You have to respect your elders, Minnie!"

[why could i actually hear them fr using these arguments with her omg]

She was just about to open her mouth again, a small smirk making her lips curl that she tried to hide so hard when she felt a soft tug on her arm.

[oh she was ready to go OFF on them]

[i'm so sad she didn't]

[i need the evidence of scoups constantly talkign about minnie talking back to him]

[i need it]

"Come on, noona," Dino dragged her along with him. "They're not worth it."

['THEY'RE NOT WORTH IT']

[OMG]

With a sarcastic shake of her head, she sent one last glare towards the three eldest of the group before following the younger member.

[the comedic duo we never knew we needed just disrespecting elders]

[slay]

In the Soop 2 Ep. 2

[there's wayyyyy too much in the soop content]

[i should make a solo video of just minnie moments with certain members from in the soop bc it's literally my fave thing ever]

[but anyways, here we go]

Some of the members had gathered outside, drinking a bit and eating their dinner even though it was already late at night. Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Dino, who before had been on their own in a tent a little further away from the others, joined them - some other members, like Wonwoo and Vernon, had already left, leaving Seungkwan, Dino, Dokyeom and Minghao on one side of the table, while Seungcheol and Jeonghan were occupying the other seats opposite of them.

[they're were just enjoying their time together so much and i'm praying they'll get to do this OR things with na pd more often]

[pledis pls]

[but i know these bitches won't listen]

Minnie and Mingyu had decided to stand up with the rapper standing closer to the maknae line, his position fixed at the grill, and the girl resting her hands on Cheol's shoulders. The oldest member had put his right hand on top of hers, his thumb gliding over her skin comfortably.

[again: not dino-minnie related, BUT LIKE...]

[are we interrupting something here?!]

[i mean we know how close they are... platonically... right...]

[anyways]

[we'll never know]

[but it was a cute scene either way, so you better bet i kept it in]

After the not-so-few few drinks she had had, she needed every little bit of support she could get.

She had blended out most of the conversation that was going on around the table, too occupied with trying to understand what Mingyu was trying to tell her - how the hell am I supposed to be able to read lips while drunk, she thought to herself.

[i don't know what kind of messages they were sending each other but istg minnie and mingyu are something else]

[ESPECIALLY WHEN DRUNK]

[or maybe just when they're in the soop, i don't know]

[but i freaking love it]

Only snapping back into the present when Dino's voice rang through her ear.

"Have you ever lit a campfire before?"

Jeonghan's answer, was, as expected, "No, I haven't."

"Oh, he hasn't!"

"So, let's try lightening it tomorrow," the '95 Liner proposed.

Minnie let her hand drop from the leader's shoulder before walking to the other side of the table, passing Joshua, who had also joined them again. S.Coups' eyes followed her form as she walked up to Mingyu. To whisper something into his ear, she placed her hand on one of his arms, that he had crossed over his chest, to make him lean down to her height. As he raked himself up again only two seconds later, he smiled with a nod.

[?!]

Her attention was then immediately back on the maknae.

"If there's no fan with your mouth-" he spoke but stopped to show them how to blow onto the imaginary fire he was trying to create. "You have to blow like this to light it up," he continued explaining.

The female member was already grinning from ear to ear, listening attentively to every word the youngest was saying.

[BE MORE WHIPPED FOR HIM MINNIE, MY GOD]

[she loves him so much, i can't]

[he's literally just talking and our girly here is looking at him like that]

"Honestly," Jeonghan pointed at him, "You did this to look cute, right?" Minnie smiled to herself as this was exactly what she was also thinking.

[oh he most definitely did]

[gotta impress the noona]

As soon as the '95 Liner and Seungkwan started to imitate Dino's antics, there was no going back for him. They reenacted his pretended cuteness, getting chuckles from everyone at the table.

"Ok ok, then let's say that's not it and say it again," Jeonghan tried his best to get the maknae to repeat himself.

"Yeah," Dino started again. "When I went camping with my friend, we tried to light a fire, but we couldn't."

The '95 Liner played along. "Oh, then how did you light it?"

[jeonghan is such a parent HAHAHAHAHA]

[gotta love him]

"So, I just- I thought I should blow on it a lot. Like this-" the youngest repeated his action, adding an extra tint of cuteness as he imitated a 'blowing onto a fire' facial expression.

[STOP]

[WHAT A CUTIE]

[LOOK AT HIM]

Not able to hold back anymore, along with the rest of the members, Minnie started cheering and laughing out loud at the over-the-top cute antics of their maknae.

[GIRLY HAHAHAHA]

With quick steps, she was right behind him, throwing her arms over his shoulders to pull him back against her.

"Aaaah, our Dino's so cute! So grown up, but still so cute!" She squealed, getting a chuckle from the man in her embrace as he petted her arms.

[SHE'S SO CUTE]

[HOW CAN SOMEONE LOVE THEIR LITTLE BROTHER LIKE THAT]

[mine's a rat fr]

[but for minnie...]

[it's like once she looks at dino, nothing else is important anymore]

[but tbh, same]

The two swayed slightly before she released him again. In the next second though, her hands hand his cheeks, squishing his face in between her palms.

"Look how cute he is!" Getting another round of giggles from the guys surrounding them.

[i love how this seems such normal behaviour for them]

[i desperately need to drink with them one day]

[i want to be hugged and squeezed like that by minnie]

"Our little maknae!" She let go of him completely after pressing a kiss on the top of his head.

[AAAAAAHHHH CUTIESSSS]

Minnie Birthday Live 231222

The female member's eyes were fixed on the screen in front of her, frantically moving up and down and left and right as she tried to read through the comments Carats were writing. The cake she had only eaten a little bit of, was still in front of her, on the table in the hotel room she was staying in.

[i have so much to say about this birthday live]

[and just want to quickly adress how proud i am of her for adressing the airport issue]

[a queen]

[and now back to how much dino and her love eacht other]

"'What are you listening to these days?'" She read out loud, a small smile immediately appearing on her lips. "Well... I don't know if you've heard about it, but there's a new song that came out in... November- at the end of November. It's called 'Wait' and it's by this really cool artist called Dino," she couldn't help but chuckle at her own antics.

[and y'all are still arguing over who is the biggest dinonara, when this girl right here exists]

"So, yeah. In case you haven't looked up that song, I highly recommend it."

[of course you'd just try to mention him literally whenever you can]

[and of course, i've already listened to the song]

Right away, the comment section was filled with different coloured hearts - mostly pink and blue ones.

She giggled. "But jokes aside, I really have been listening to Wait a lot. It's really good and I really enjoy seeing this side of Dino. It's different... a little. But... it's good. And I'm really proud of him, so I want to support him, of course."

[she really is the best big sister ever wtf]

"Oh, is Dino watching? Some of you guys are saying Dino's watching."

[OF COURSE HE IS]

[he can't miss his noona's live]

The girl looked down at her own phone, which she wasn't filming with, chuckling down at the screen. "Ah yes, he is watching. He asked me how much longer I'll be live. Wait a second, Carats."

[he's actually a fan just like us, i'm telling you]

After a few taps on her phone, she put the speaker up to her ear. Only a couple seconds later, she spoke up.

"Hi, I think I'm still gonna be live for a while. Do you want to join me?"

[i'm actually convinced her voice changes slightly whenever she talks to him]

[but i'm also delusional af, so it's probably just my brain telling me that tbh]

The corners of her lips curled up at what came from the other side of the call.

"Ok, ok. I understand. Of course, yeah. Alright, we'll see. Bye-bye." She ended the call and looked back into the camera.

"Dino's gonna make a quick trip to the gym downstairs, and then he might join us," she explained and grinned at the end of the statement.

[LOOK HOW EXCITED SHE LOOKS]

A knock echoing through the room made her head shoot up towards the door.

"I'll be right back, Carats." She was quick to leave.

[girl is SPRINTING to let in her favourite little brother]

In the background laughter could be heard, coming from both male and female voices - everyone obviously immediately knew who was out of the camera's view.

After a few short moments, steps became louder and heavier as the two got closer to the table again.

"Look who's joining me!" Minnie called out, letting the maknae appear on the right side of the screen. "Dino-yaaa."

[shout it out girl, yes]

With a big smile, she patted the empty chair next to her. Without having to be told twice, the youngest sat down and right away, scooched closer towards the female member, both now perfectly filling out the screen.

"Hi everyone!" He greeted into the camera, waving his hands. "How was the live so far? Is Minnie entertaining you enough?"

[i could literally watch her just sit and it would be entertaining enough]

[i wish i was joking]

With a smile, the girl shook her head. "I've been entertaining them very well," she answered for herself.

[facts]

"Have you been enjoying the cake?" He turned towards her, looking at her with expecting big eyes as she nodded.

"Yess. It's really good, thank you." She patted his arm comfortably. "Do you want a little bit?" Not even waiting for his answer, she was already putting some of the cake's dough, along with the icing onto a fork. But before she could bring it up close to his mouth, he stopped her.

"No, no, thank you."

[he broke her heart with that, i just know it]

With a pout, she glanced at him. The fork still in midair. "Why not?"

"I just came from the gym. I have to be careful what I'm eating."

"Because of your diet?"

Dino nodded quietly. Minnie wasn't going to let him go off like that so easily.

"But it's good if you have a little bit of cake. Just a little."

[minnie lot letting him diet is soo big sister of her]

The maknae chuckled at her. "Says who?"

"Me!" She exclaimed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, chuckling afterwards along with him.

[i agree]

A few seconds later, she was back in her 'big sister agenda', "But it's really not good to diet too strictly. If you eat cake you'll be happy. And being happy is more important than to be in good shame." She kept up her guard by still holding the fork.

[YES]

[I KNEW I STANNED THE RIGHT GROUP]

[i love her so much]

With a sigh, he gave in. "I know, you're right." Leaning forward to eat the small piece of cake. "Noona's always right."

[jesus christ]

[they're so much closer than just siblings]

[this is the kind of platonic love i just don't get]

[but i love it]

Minnie laughed out loud as he chewed. "I'd be careful with that statement. I might use that against you later," she pointed out.

[HAHAHAHAHAAHA]

[i mean, at least she's warning him]

"Oh," his face dropped immediately, "you're right."

[this, my friends, is the look of immediate regret]

Before laughing together with her, knowing damn well she will FOR SURE use it later at some point.

The two continued to spend a comfortable time together, going through some more comments, and talking about the tour, the upcoming concert, a little bit about the Christmas time, and his mixtape.

[they kept talking and talking and talking, like damn...]

"'Minnie and Dino haven't done the 'Wait' challenge yet', you're right!" The youngest member pointed at the screen in front of them. "We haven't yet. We still need to."

[fr]

[i was actually so surprised that she wasn't one of the first ones though]

Without missing a beat, the girl just spat out, "Do you wanna do it now?"

[i love her]

Dino turned his head to look at her. "Do you know it?"

[RUDE]

"Of course, I know it!" She scoffed. "How dare you think I wouldn't!"

[she was so offended omg haha]

He raised his arms in defence. "I don't know! We haven't learned it together yet, so I wasn't sure."

"Let's do it now," Minnie impulsively decided, standing up quickly and getting her chair out of the way - Dino copied her every move.

[there wasn't even a 'yes' or 'sure' from him]

[she just wanted to show everyone that she knew the dance even without actively learning it]

[bc I BET she watched that mv an unhealthy amount of times]

[girly is probably half of the streams]

Soon enough, they had also moved the phone they were filming with a little further back, giving them more room and showing more space of the hotel they were staying in.

"Wait, we need the music," the maknae remembered, looking around to find his phone.

Minnie pointed towards something on the right side of the screen, "You can take mine."

Dino looked at her with scrunched eyebrows. "I thought you were using your phone for the live? Who's- ah, ok," he started but cut himself off before walking over to where she had pointed, coming back into the shot with the female's member phone in his grasp. He unlocked it, and a few taps later, the intro for his Mixtape was already playing.

[such a small thing, but i just noticed it: he knows her passcode?!]

[THE TRUST]

To get to the chorus quicker, he moved the bar on the music app, stopping shortly before the part they'd be dancing would start.

"Are you sure you know it?"

Minnie just nodded enthusiastically. "Of course!"

And sure enough, she did.

[she freaking killed it]

[INSIDE SEVENTEEN] Golden Disk Award Sketch

The group was in the middle of their practice session for the upcoming award show. Diverted into different small groups, the members were scattered around the room.

The group consisting of Jeonghan, Dino, Seungkwan, Hoshi and S.Coups, was up next to not only practice their own little moment but also ready to perform it and let their choreographer film it.

Youngjoon growled as soon as Seventeen's leader walked up to the camera. But once Dino had stepped into view, it was Minnie's voice that called out from the background.

[wonwoo and minnie are fr fighting for biggest dinonara and she is giving it 110%]

"LET'S GO DINO!" Getting a smirk from the maknae before he started his solo movements.

[HE GETS SO SHY]

[UGH I JUST WANT TO SQUISH HIM]

"WOW, SO COOL," she continued to cheer him on, making not only him but every other member too, chuckle, along with their choreographer.

[imagine being loved as much as dino is]

[damn...]

As soon as Hoshi moved into the middle, she fell quiet again.

In the next shot, after the practice round was finished, the camera was on the '96 Liner, who just looked at something out of view. A pout was evident on his lips.

Minnie chuckled, making the cameraman move over to her, letting everyone know that it was her, who Hoshi was looking at. "What?" She giggled.

"Why were you only cheering on Dino? What was that?" He asked her, keeping up the disappointed expression.

[HOSHI IS SULKY TOWARDS HER?!]

[compare this moment to all those stories they told about minnie being literally terrified of hoshi]

[how are these the same people HAHAHA]

This only made her chuckle again.

"Well," she sighed, "I guess you just have to work harder for me to cheer on you too."

[WOW...]

Before the performance unit leader could say anything, their maknae appeared from the right side, rushing over to the female member.

"No, Minnie just likes me more than you," immediately throwing an arm around her shoulder.

[HE'S THE CUTEST LITTLE BROTHER EVER]

[MY GOD, JUST LOOK AT HIM Y'ALL]

The girl giggled against his side before wrapping both arms around his torso, cuddling even deeper into him, as he put his other free arm around her frame as well - both now just standing in each other's embrace with big grins decorating their faces.

[i would actually do anything and everything for them]

Hoshi just continued to stare at them.

SEVENTEEN ‘손오공’ M/V BEHIND THE SCENES

Dino was in the middle of getting interviewed by the cameraman when in the middle of the sentence, the female member of the group surprisingly appeared. She engulfed him in a side embrace, her arms around his upper body and arms, holding him close as she let her chin rest on his shoulder.

[just IMAGINE being minnie and just getting to do that on the regular]

[he literally just continued talking as if this was nothing new to him]

Absentmindedly, she nodded along to everything the youngest was saying. After a few moments, he stopped and looked moved his head to look at her.

"Cold?"

She answered him with a simple nod and smile before opening her mouth to answer him.

"But don't worry Carats, Dino's body will keep me warm." Her comment got a chuckle out of the maknae, whose hands had started to rub her arm, trying to create some form of warmth, knowing she was one of the members to easily get cold.

[HOW DO I FIND MYSELF SOMEONE THAT LOVES ME THIS MUCH]

[DINO PLS I WILL BE GOOD TO YOU]

"You know," she glanced into the camera. "Whenever I'm hugging Dino these days, it feels like I'm hugging Mingyu."

[THE WAY SHE'S RUBBING IT IN]

[WE KNOW HE'S BEEN WORKING OUT]

[WE CAN SEE THAT]

[but she just had to mention it once again]

She dropped her arms to free him just in time as her compliment made the maknae laugh out loud, giving her his signature contagious bright smile as he threw his head back. She grinned at him.

[THAT SMILE IS PURE LOVE AND ADORATION]

He shyly smiled at her, "Ah, noona, don't overreact-"

[don't get all shy now]

"Hugging Mingyu?" Suddenly the familiar voice of her fellow '97 Liner appeared from the side she had just come from as well. "What about hugging me? Do you want a hug?"

[this man has ears EVERYWHERE when it comes to minnie]

[my god, my guy, she just mentioned you, calm down]

Without waiting for an answer, Mingyu copied her stance from before, wrapping both of his arms around her shoulders, her left arm buried into his muscular chest as she chuckled.

[?!?!?!?!?!]

[SO THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE MINNIE?!]

"I just said that hugging Dino feels like hugging you nowadays," Minnie glanced up into his eyes. "He's been working out a lot."

[also: can we talk about when the hell minnie went from pushing mingyu away to literally MELTING in his embrace?!]

[what chapter did i skip?!]

[bc i literally remember her avoiding his hugs to annoy him like it's yesterday]

[and now she's suddenly like this?!]

[girlyyyyyyyy]

The rapper nodded, both of the '97 Liners smiling at the youngest, who had a subtle, yet noticeable blush brightening his cheeks.

"That's true."

"But be careful not to get too big, Dino," the girl added, still in the embrace of the older member.

With a frown, Mingyu looked down at her, his arms loosening around her frame. "Are you saying I'm too big?" He wondered.

[THE WAY HE NEEDS THE VALIDATION]

[no mingyu, don't worry]

[minnie noona is just looking out for her favourite little dongsaeng]

No answer, just a pat on his chest and a loud laughter from the maknae followed.

'sleepover live hihi'

[i really do think that we as carats have moved on way too fast from this]

[their sleepovers... who seem to be like an almost REGULAR occurrence?!]

[but anyways, here are some of my favourite moments]

[mind you, this live is almost two freaking hours long... it's so hard to cut out only a few parts for this video]

The live started with no members in frame. The only thing Carats could see was the edge of a table and a navy couch in the background.

The comments were skipping over the screen at a quick pace.

'Who is this?'

'Which member put on the live and forgot?'

'Who's sofa is this?'

'omg they're having a sleepover????'

Then all of a sudden, two heads popped into the frame from each side.

"Hello!"

"Hii!"

Minnie and Dino greeted the livestream with wide smiles as they showed their faces, scooching in closer to sit right next to each other. Both of them were not wearing any makeup and in sweats, along with him in a black sweatshirt and her with, what appeared to be the same one in cream.

[CUTIES]

[LITERAL CUTIES]

[ANGELS]

[BABIES]

"Hi Carats," the girl leaned forward with a grin, her eyes scanning the comments. "Ah, everyone's so shocked to see us."

[not surprised]

[but i definitely wasn't expecting it ngl]

[but this has to be one of the best lives in svt history]

"That means our surprise worked," the maknae added, a proud smirk on his lips. He leaned back against the sofa, swiftly brushing a hand through his hair.

Minnie nodded, "Looks like it." She stopped for a second before continuing. "'Dino and Minnie look so cute so late at night'" Thank you," she chuckled. "Even though we've already had a few drinks, Carats still say such nice things about us."

[i feel like she gets so giggly when drunk and just even more beautiful fr]

[y'all see that GLOW?!]

[gorgeous]

"Mm," the youngest nodded, now joining the girl by leaning forward to also read through the comments. "Yeah, we've already had a few drinks, but we only now decided to put on the livestream."

[AND HIM?!]

[YUM]

"I think not a lot of Carats expected us to drink together like this."

"Hm, yeah, that could be true," Dino stated before his eyes fixed on one specific comment. "'Are you really having a sleepover?'-"

"Yes!" Minnie showed a bright smile to the camera, stretching out her arms to the sides.

[SHE'S SO EXCITED ABOUT IT AAAAH]

[you gotta love her, come on]

The youngest changed his seating position slightly. "Minnie invited me over to her place."

[defo not crying]

"Because you haven't slept over here yet," she glanced at him as he nodded.

"That's right, not here yet."

[didn't know wtf they were talking about back then]

[now we know: mimiwon moved into a new apartment]

[and minnie needed dino and her to have a sleepover at the new place]

[CRYING]

A yawn escaped her lips, making Minnie cover her mouth and close her eyes for a second. "But I'm more tired than I expected, to be honest," she commented.

Dino smiled at her, his hand patting her shoulder comfortably. "We've been preparing for the album very hard, that's why maybe."

"Mm, probably."

After a few minutes of just casual conversation flowing between the two idols, as if the camera wasn't even recording, the girl had gotten up to get them something more to drink.

It was now Dino who was in charge of entertainment.

"Okay," he looked down at his own phone, which he had put on the livestream, so he could read through the comments more easily. "'Do you have sleepovers like this often?'" He read out before speaking up slightly louder, looking to the right side of the screen where the girl had disappeared into. "Would you say we do this often, noona?"

[there's just something... about him... he's just too adorable]

Minnie's distant voice could be heard in the background. "Not as often as I would like to." Her comment got a wide grin from the maknae in return, who tilted his head to the side.

[GIRL YOU CAN'T BE SO CUTE WHAT THE HELL]

"Awww, noona! You're so cute!" He almost squealed, making her laugh out loud.

[FACTS DINO]

"Carats, Minnie-noona is really so sweet, right?' For a second he went quiet, now back to looking at his phone. "They're all saying how sweet you are!" Dino called out to let her know.

[well, gotta let the queen know that we love her, yk]

Minnie chuckled, "Thank you, guys!" She shouted out to make sure her voice could be heard in the live.

"Oh-" the maknae suddenly stopped mid-sentence.

"What?"

"Some are saying Vernon is watching- is he watching? Hold on" After tapping around his phone, his lips curled up. "Aaah, he really is watching. He commented 'Wow, now I'm jealous', 'Minnie is making drinks for you?'"

[OF COURSE]

[of course vernon is jealous of them]

[i'd be too]

[minnie pls take good care of him as well]

[god... minnie and vernon are also so adorable together]

With quick steps, the girl was back in the living room,

"What? No! I asked him if he wanted to come too, and he said no!" She whined out loud as the sound of clinking glass rang through the background, coming from everything she was placing on the table for them to drink.

[missed his chance i guess]

"He's regretting his choice now," Dino stated.

[i'd be regretting it for weeks tbh]

Once the girl went back into the kitchen, the youngest's eyes went wide as soon as they landed on the amount of liquor on the table that was hidden from the view of the livestream.

"Noona! You really think we're gonna drink that much?"

[let's gooooooo]

"I don't know, maybe," she just answered. "Maybe Mingyu wants to drink something too."

[she really thinks of everyone, doesn't she?]

[god, i'm gonna cry]

"Aaah, ok ok," Dino nodded, going back to reading through the comments while the girl came back with takeout containers, putting them somewhere behind the camera and onto the floor before she made herself comfortable again next to the maknae. "'Is Mingyu invited too?' He... I don't- I don't know, is he invited?" Directing the last question to the girl, who just chuckled.

"I can't not invite him. He lives here."

[she knows that we know and i know that we know, but will i ever get enough of mimiwon living together? No.]

[i need all the domestic shit about them, pretty please]

[including dino, their child, having fun sleepovers at their place]

"Exactly!" A loud voice surprised the two younger members, making them jump up and look to the right side, groaning when they came to sight of the culprit.

Minnie was holding her chest. "You idiot! Stooop! Don't scare us like that!"

Mingyu ignored her scolder and started chuckling, "Did you buy the entire liquor store? Are you crazy?"

[not him judging her for that]

[bro, when i tell you i bet he drinks even more than her]

"I can buy whatever I want. It's my money, and I'm an adult," she fought back and sat up straighter, making the maknae clap and nod proudly as he was just sitting there, listening to the two '97 Liners bickering around.

[POP OFF MINNIE]

[love supportive feminist dino]

"Wow," the rapper sighed, "You two... you guys are really- wow..."

[he's so done]

[he is sooooo done HAHAHAHA]

"'Dance cover now please'" Minnie chuckled after reading a comment she found amusing, "Right now? I don't think that's a good idea." And oh how right she was, but that wasn't gonna stop the maknae.

"No, noona, let's do it!"

[HOW COULD SHE EVEN SAY NO IF HE LOOKS AT HER LIKE THAT AND LITERALLY SPEAKS IN POUT?!]

He turned towards the camera, "We've been wanting to film a Danceology video, but we can never decide on just one song. We have so many songs we want to do, so it's hard. But we can show you now." Without wasting another second, he pushed himself up from the floor, only for Minnie to quickly reach out for him.

"No, Dino, stop," she laughed, "You're gonna hurt yourself. Don't. We can do it another time, but not after drinking," she assured him with a nod.

[...]

[when i tell you: she will in fact be the most amazing mom]

[i don't care that they're 'only' two years apart]

[the way she acts with him, takes care of him, AND TALKS TO HIM]

[perfect sister and perfect future mom]

[minnie pls adopt me]

Slowly, but surely, Dino lowered himself onto the floor again, landing on his butt with a heavy sigh. "When did you become so responsible?"

[SINCE SHE CARES ABOUT YOU]

[but in all seriousness: jesus, just call her out like that]

[minnie just gets responsible when it's about dino]

[her favourite]

Making the girl laugh out loud.

"Noona?"

[melting every single time.]

"Hm?" Minnie hummed in wonder while her eyes were still trained on the comment section on her phone in front of the duo.

Dino, who was still looking at his own screen, leaned forward, tapping his older sister on the shoulder to make her turn towards him as he pointed at the screen.

"Read it," she told him with a nod, but he shook his head.

"I don't know how to pronounce it."

Her frown at first quickly turned into a kind smile as she tilted her head in awe. "Yes, you do. You can speak English. Read it."

"Ah, noona, I don't want to. You do it." Pushing his phone towards her.

But even with his cute voice ringing through her ears, Minnie stood her ground, "No, you can do it."

[the way she keeps insisting on him reading it]

[like yes, go on]

[i love how supportive he is of every member whenever they speak english or want to speak it]

"Then I will look for a different comment," he shook his head and leaned back against the couch, getting another chuckle from the girl.

[but then, she also doesn't push him to make him feel uncomfortable, but just lets him do his thing]

[UGH, probably looking way too much into this, you don't have to tell me, but just leave me to it pls]

"'Is Dino... your... fa-vourite member?'" Dino read out loud in English.

With a wide smile, the girl turned her head to glance at him, "Of course, you are."

[GIRLY DIDN'T EVEN HESITATE FOR A SECOND]

"Ah, noona!" With a shy squeal, he hit her arm, making both of them chuckle in synch. "You are my favourite member... too."

[HIS ENGLISH]

[stop, he's actually the cutest]

"I'd hope so."

"What?"

"It means I would hope that that's true."

The maknae surprised the female member with his sudden laughter.

"'Minnie and Dino have couple hoodies?'"

"What?!" She whipped her head to look at him, shock written all across her face. "Those aren't couple hoodies!" Minnie whined out while all Dino could do was fall onto the floor, his laughing continuing.

[SHE SOUNDED SO OFFENDED]

"Why would we own couple hoodies?!" She wondered out loud, more to herself than to anyone in particular, before looking back into the camera. "You guys," she pointed a strict finger. "Ew, why would we wear something like that?"

"Hey!" The youngest pushed himself up again, glaring at the girl. "Why 'ew'?"

[oh no dinooo]

Minnie sent him an unamused facial expression. "What else am I supposed to say? It's weird."

Dino shrugged, "It's funny. Maybe they are couple hoodies and we didn't realise when we bought them."

With a pout, the female idol leaned back against the couch. "Now I don't know if I want to wear them anymore."

[she's so dramatic, i love it]

"No, you can't take it off," the maknae was quick to tell her, his eyes giving her a serious look.

"Why not?"

"Because... I would be really hurt," he simply told her, making Minnie giggle.

[well now she REALLY can't]

[she'd never do that to him, we all know that]

She threw her head back against the cushion, reaching forward with one hand to push the younger member away from her.

Dino chuckled at her reaction, touching the spot where she had shoved him. "I mean it, noona. Let's just continue wearing them."

[love how persistent he is about this]

"Okay, okay," Minnie agreed, running her fingers through her hair to get them out of her face. "But let's not call them couple hoodies."

"Yeah... it feels a bit weird," the youngest admitted shyly, sending a quick look towards the camera when a sudden touch from the girl surprised him.

"I told you!"

[you gotta understand]

[if dancers do a livestream, they gotta also dance]

'That That' by Psy feat. Suga was blasting through the speakers in the living room of the apartment. The coffee table had been pushed back, the phone still prompt up on it. Minnie and Dino's bodies were eliminated by the colours reflecting on them from the video the beamer was displaying on the wall. The duo had the choreography perfectly memorised- of course, they did.

[i just imagine wonwoo and mingyu somewhere in the apartment, just praying that minnie and dino will get tired and just go to sleep]

[it was way too late for them to be up and have this much energy for dancing like this istg]

Along with the, at this point probably too much, alcohol in their system, singing and dancing had become much harder than each of them expected - now rather slurring and panting through the lyrics of the song.

Shortly before the song had reached the end, the female member fell to the floor, her hands on her knees.

"Jesus..." she breathed out heavily.

A laugh erupted from the maknae as his eyes fell on her crouched frame. "Noona! You're a main dancer, come on!" Reaching out and grabbing her arm to pull her back up.

[oh to have dino's energy]

Minnie groaned as she straightened her back, "I'm not as young as you anymore, Channie." Only making him shake his head and laugh even more.

[PLS]

[she really just took over jeonghan's old person personality]

He turned around to snatch the phone from where he had thrown it onto the couch and tapped on its screen. "What do you want to do next?" He moved his body around to let the girl get a look at the screen as well. "This?" He asked her, to which she nodded,

"Let's do that."

[whatever the baby wants, the baby gets]

DINO Mixtake 'Wait' M/V BEHIND THE SCENES

Vernon stepped into the shot first, greeting the camera with a quick "Hello" as he passed the cameraman. Dokyeom, Wonwoo and Minnie were already taking their seats by a table that wouldn't be used in the scene the crew and Dino were filming.

"Our Dino's first mixtape," Seokmin smiled into the camera as he spoke. Behind him, the girl was standing up with her phone in her hand, filming and taking pictures with a big grin on her face.

[insert kris jenner's camera meme]

[YOU'RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE]

Wonwoo took a quick glance to his left, the same direction Minnie was focused on. "Woah, so cool!" He shouted out proudly, getting a chuckle from the other members.

[again: the fight for biggest dinonara continues]

[why not just agree they're both the unofficial parents and leaders of the dino fanclub?]

"Dino-ya!" The female member called out, making the maknae turn around, immediately smiling when he saw her with her phone on him. He sent her a quick grin and a thumbs up. The girl's smile widened.

[she's such a mom omg]

One last picture later, she put her phone down, turning towards the other members, who were looking at her in amusement, when she noticed the camera was still filming her.

"I'm gonna send those pictures to Dino's parents." She explained, taking a seat opposite Wonwoo, who was still gazing at the youngest member.

[HOW COULD SHE BE SO ADORABLE?!]

[her sending his parents pictures of their son, omg stop i'm already about to cry myself to sleep]

[this is too much for my heart]

Seungkwan and Mingyu had joined the group, also deciding to visit their maknae on set. The younger of the two was speaking into the microphone as Minnie joined them, walking up to them behind her fellow '97 Liner to stop by his right side. With her arms crossed she kept her eyes on the younger member, who had started to comment on Dino's hair.

[i love how literally whenever there's seungkwan bickering with dino, there's minnie showering him with even more love]

The girl suddenly got closer to Seungkwan, motioning for him to hand her the microphone, not wasting a second, to voice her opinion.

"I love your hair, Dino-ya!" She smiled brightly. "And I love you too!"

[gotta let the world know yk]

Her quick addition earned her a gentle smack on her arm by the '98 Liner while Mingyu just chuckled at the duo, as Minnie had started to hit him back.

[don't even get me started on seungkwan and minnie, my god]

DINO Mixtape 'Making of Wait' EP.1

The youngest member was in the studio with Seventeen's main lead vocalist and producer. The two were going through the lyrics Dino had written for his upcoming solo.

"Minnie said she'll be here in ten minutes," he explained to Woozi. "I want to show her before we record."

[NOW THIS IS WHERE I ACTUALLY START WHEEPING]

[HE WANTS TO SHOW HER HIS LYRICS FIRST?!]

[stop being so adorable, dino, please]

[for the sake of my well-being]

"Ok ok," came as an answer from the '96 Liner who was out of the shot, his voice only barely noticeable.

The maknae turned towards the camera after reaching for his water bottle on the couch behind him. "I really trust noona when it comes to lyrics. Maybe she has better ideas for them."

[...]

[you don't want to know the noise i made when he said that]

The next moment, Minnie entered the studio, greeting the room with a cheery, "Hi!" Getting a wide smile from the '99 Liner in return. His eyes lit up as a plastic cup of coffee was placed right in front of him, slightly covering the camera's view.

"Wow, thank you, noona." As Dino reached out for it, the female member gently patted his head with a grin before letting herself fall onto the sofa.

[AGJFKSJOIFHEIBIF]

"Oh-" he stopped himself before he went to take a sip, snatching a piece of paper from the table the camera was placed on. "Here are the lyrics." Turning around to face her, Minnie stopped him by waving her phone.

"I read through them on the file you sent me."

"You already looked at them?"

With scrunched eyebrows and a slightly shocked facial expression, the girl gazed at him. "Of course, why wouldn't I?"

[exactly]

[how dare him even question this]

Dino shrugged, taking a sip from the Iced Americano. "I thought you were busy maybe."

[STOP]

Minnie had started to hunch over her phone, her screen brightening up the lower half of her face as she looked up at him. "Yeah, but this is important to you. Of course, I'm gonna look at it right when you send it to me."

[...]

[I...]

[... i am so not okay]

[i don't even think i know people that care this much]

[LIKE HOW]

Before the youngest could answer her again, Woozi spoke up from the right side of the screen. "You never do that with my lyrics. You always text 'I'll take a look later, I'm busy now.' And then you never do."

[OH HERE WE GO]

[lee, i'm so done with this girl but i also love and cherrish her so much and even let her stay in my studio when i'm not here and will always support her but also annoy the hell out of her and be an annoying ass brother who just loves her so dearly and will support her till my last day, jihoon]

"Stop lying!" Minnie exclaimed. "I don't say that! And you never look at MY lyrics!"

[the money i would pay to be a fly on the wall in the studio when they're there]

The maknae chuckled at the silly argument going on behind him, laughing out loud as Minnie tried to throw a pillow at their producer.

[and he's just sitting there enjoying this PLS HAHAHA]

"Alright," she took a deep breath as she pushed herself up to her feet. "I'm gonna go now."

"You're not staying?" Dino turned around, looking up at the older member.

[IF SOMEBODY LOOKS AT YOU WITH EYES THAT BIG, YOU STAY]

Minnie stopped in her tracks, "You wanted me to stay?"

He shrugged, "No no, I just thought maybe you want to."

[DINO PLS I CANNOT HANDLE THIS ANYMORE]

[HE IS TOO PRECIOUS FOR THIS WORLD]

"Aah..." she let out a sigh, "I'm sorry. I'm meeting up with someone. If I knew you wanted me to stay, I wouldn't have made plans."

[just drop them, minnie]

[drop them]

[stay with him]

[pls he needs you]

[LOOK AT HIS EYES]

"It's okay, don't worry," he assured her. "Go, don't make them wait."

[noooo dinooooo]

The girl couldn't help but chuckle after she finished putting on her jacket again. "I shouldn't 'tell them, wait'," she imitated the sound of the song he was about to record, getting a laugh from him in return.

[... girl has been spending too much time with wonwoo bc good god, that was even worse than a dad joke]

"Exactly," he chuckled.

Before she left the duo to finish the recording, Minnie leaned down to be back in the camera's shot.

"Carats, please support Dino's solo well. It's gonna be really good and I know you're gonna love it."

[and she was right]

[we did]

[INSIDE SEVENTEEN] UNESCO Youth Forum Special Video Sketch

Seungkwan was grasping onto the sheets of paper in his hand, the maknae of the group right by his side as they read through the lyrics they had printed out. They were going through the English version of the group's song 'Together'. With both of them unsure about their pronunciation, Dino started looking around.

His eyes stopped scanning the room. "Noona!" He called out for the female member who was out of the cameraman's view.

[i could literally make a compilation of just him shouting out for her and wouldn't get tired of it]

"Can you help us?"

[OF COURSE BABY]

With quick steps, Minnie jogged up towards the two, coming to a halt by his left side. "Hm?" She hummed as her eyes fell onto the black-on-white text in front of them.

[girl was so quick]

[she'd definitely drop everyone and everything to help him]

[reminds me of when wonwoo called her with na pd-nim and she was on her way literally while they were still talking]

[she loves them so much, like HOW]

"You and I are never losing our way. You and I, we will be walking straight." The two younger members sang along to the song that was playing in the background. Seungkwan went over the lyrics with slightly more ease than Dino, who started chuckling at his own struggle.

"Try going slower first," the female member placed a comforting hand on the younger's upper arm.

[she is so patient]

[... god... please let me have my own minnie]

[or dino honestly too]

"But it's supposed to be sung at a quick pace," he told her.

Minnie nodded. "Yeah, but try speaking the lyrics slowly first and then increase the speed. That way your pronunciation will be clearer and you won't stumble over your words."

[THE PATIENCE]

[the way she's also explaining it to him so softly]

[as if he was delicate keramic]

[what a comparison, wow...]

With a grin, Dino turned towards the camera, "Everyone," his arm was thrown over the petite shoulders of the '97 Liner. "I have the best English teacher."

[AWWWWW STOP]

Getting a shy giggle out of her and a smack towards his chest, making him chuckle.

After his somewhat decent acrostic poem to UNESCO, Dino called out for the girl as she walked past the cameraman's back. Without having to be asked twice, Minnie showed up right next to the younger member.

"We're filming for UNESCO right now and we'll be in Paris in a few days, right?"

"Mm," the female performer nodded with a grin, the strong wind blowing through her hair, making her squint her eyes and tighten the colourful jacket around her body.

"Are you excited?"

"Of course," she smiled, "I can't wait to finally be in France with almost all of the members."

Dino nodded along with her answer. "Should we learn a little bit of French? Can you teach me something?"

[he really wants her to teach him, stoooop]

[omg imagine if he just started learning french from her]

[he'd be unstoppable]

Minnie chuckled, "What do you want to say?"

The maknae looked around the open field for a second as he thought to himself, the girls' eyes never leaving his form. He turned back towards her. "Something like 'thank you for your support'."

"Merci pour votre soutien."

[fuck, she's so hot]

"W-What?" Dino just glanced at her dumbfounded, taken aback by her quick answer, not remembering a single syllable that just dropped from her mouth. "What did you just say?"

[same dino, same]

Minnie couldn't help but laugh out loud at his reaction, stumbling back a few steps. Her cheerful sounds must've caught the attention of Wonwoo as he suddenly showed up next to her, bringing the girl into the middle of the two male members.

[and oop, there we go, the next dinonara appeared]

"'Thank you for your support' is 'merci pour votre soutien'"

"Ok," the youngest nodded slowly, "Merci-"

"Hm," Minnie supported him with a smile, "pour."

"Pour."

"Votre."

"V- Votre."

"Soutien. Sou-"

"Sou."

"Tien."

"Tien. Soutien?"

"Exactly," she nodded proudly.

[SHE'S SO PROUD OF HIM]

[LOOK AT HER SMILE]

[AW MINNIEEEEEE]

"Merci pour-" Dino stopped himself before continuing, glancing at her with squinted eyes as he tried to remember the correct pronunciation.

"Votre soutien," Wonwoo suddenly spoke up. "Merci pour votre soutien."

[HUIDHNIFJBHUZDGBP]

[I ACTUALLY JUST THREW MY PHONE AGAINST THE WALL]

[THIS MAN JUST DROPPED THIS SO EASILY]

[WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK]

[just when we thought he couldn't get hotter...]

With a shocked facial expression, the maknae looked at the '96 Liner. He pointed at him, "Who on earth do you know how to say it so perfectly?"

[RIGHT?!]

[i mean i'm no french expert but that sounded pretty freaking good]

[also: if you have minnie as a teacher, you're gonna learn well either way]

Getting the rapper's signature deep laugh in return.

"I already taught him," Minnie chuckled, looking back at the other member as he caught himself again, a small smile still on his lips.

[this is a minnie x dino video, so could you quit acting like the cutest freaking lovebirds, my god]

[:)]

"Aaah, ok ok," the '99 Liner smiled along with the older duo. "Ok, so... Merci pour... votre... and then?"

"Soutien."

"Soutien is support?"

Minnie nodded.

"Merci pour votre soutien," Dino repeated her phrase slowly, looking straight at the French speaker of the group, whose eyes went wide in pride.

"Yes!" The girl clapped her hands, Wonwoo joining her.

[#proud #oursonisagenius]

The youngest turned towards the camera. "Carats, merci pour votre soutien."

"Well done," she patted his back, the proud grin not leaving her face.

[i could actually cry from the way she looks at him]

[Relay Pick] BALANCE GAME with SEVENTEEN ┃Performance Team

[teacher minnie strikes again]

[but yk, sometimes you gotta teach 'em about life]

The next two scenarios were presented to the unit.

"Peeling perilla leaves or peeling shrimps," Hoshi read out loud. Minnie's head popped out from behind his shoulder, trying to get a look at the screen ahead of them.

Dino, who was standing right behind her shook his head, "I don't really know this."

"Really?" The female member whipped her head around, looking up into the wide eyes of the maknae. "You never heard of that?" But he just shook his head.

"Do you know this?" He asked her, to which she nodded.

"Of course, it was a big debate."

Jun, who was just as lost as the youngest of the group, had walked up to the screen, disappearing out of the camera's view.

"Look, it's like this, Jun," the performance unit leader started explaining. He took a step back, urging the others to do the same to create more space between them as he started.

"But why must it be perilla leaves?" Dino suddenly wondered, getting a chuckle out of the female member and making her turn around to describe the situation to him.

"Perilla leaves get easily stuck together, that's why they chose it."

He nodded along, "Aaah, ok ok."

[just accepting everything she tells him]

[i love them]

Mingyu's sudden voice surprised the duo that was deep into their own conversation.

"You're seriously so old fashioned," the '97 Liner commented, "it's a famous topic nowadays-"

"But that just means that he doesn't get jealous easily, that's good," Minnie fought back to the man she shared an apartment with.

[oh- there we go again hahahahaha]

"But he's part of the MZ generation, come on."

"No," a gentle pout formed on her lips as she took a small step back to place a hand on Dino's upper arm, "He's not the jealous type, it's a good thing. Old fashioned isn't bad anyways."

[THE WAY SHE DEFENDS HIM SO HARD]

With a smirk, the youngest turned towards his older sister. "But that means that you're really jealous, right? You know a lot about this topic."

[AND HE THROWS HER UNDER THE BUS JUST LIKE THAT]

[wow dino...]

[she got called out fr]

Minnie's expression changed when she glanced up at him with an open mouth, surprised by his statement. Hoshi moved to the side to take a look at the duo, chuckling at the situation when laughter in the background could also be heard, followed by Minghao and Jun who joined in.

"No!" The girl defended herself quickly, shoving him away from her. "I'm just... I'm into popular stuff at the moment, so I know about discussions like this."

[MH, sure...]

"No, noona. You just admitted that if you know about this, you're a person that gets easily jealous-"

"Alright, but it's not a good thing!" She quickly gave in, getting another round of laughter from the members in front of and behind the camera.

[this is were the real sibling energy is coming through]

[why would he call her out like that in front of the camera hahahaha]

"But how can it be considered normal for a friend to do things like that with your partner?" She whined out loud.

"Well," Hoshi answered her, "It depends on how good their relationship is, I guess."

"It's TOO GOOD if my friend does these things!"

[ngl... i feel a very deep and desperate need to see jealous minnie]

[pls]

[i NEED it]

A soft hit on her shoulder made her chuckle. Turning to the side, she found the youngest leaning into her, his laughter ringing through her ears.

"It's okay, noona." Infecting her with his joy.

[YEAH, CALL HER OUT FOR BEING JEALOUS BUT THEN TELL HER IT'S OKAY]

[little siblings, istg...]

"I'm okay with peeling shrimps," the leader made his final decision, "but the perilla leaf one is weird." He stepped to the side to leave a stunned Minnie in the middle - Dino, with a matching facial expression, right behind her.

"What?"

"Why?"

"Amazing..." Minghao added to the shock.

[they were NOT having it]

[but i get it bc same]

"Peeling it by hands like this," the maknae imitated the action of peeling a shrimp to the rest of the group.

"That's so much worse!" The girl agreed with him. "You take your time to peel it... only to then give it to the partner of your best friend?!" She turned to Hoshi. "That's not okay."

[SHE GETS IT]

"I agree," Dino nodded, linking his arm with hers as he dragged her in the opposite direction in which their leader had gone.

[dino went from not knowing anything about this topic to agreeing with his noona]

[gotta love them]

[GOING SEVENTEEN] COMEBACK SPECIAL: God of Light Music #1

[i'm so obsessed with every pi cheolin x minnie/a minnie character interaction]

[why do her characters literally ALWAYS have beef with him HAHAHA]

[but i think that might need to be a seperate video ngl]

[anyways, the following few scenes have still made it into this video just bc i love them so much]

"And I've also been working with a lyricist recently," Woozi explained to the man in front of him.

"Ooh," Pi Cheolin sat up straighter, "Who is this new lyricist?"

"Her name is Minnie, but she sometimes goes by Minhee."

"Minhee?" The man's face scrunched up in almost disgust. "I don't like that name."

['i don't like her name' when it's literally her government name😭]

Getting a chuckle out of Woozi that he couldn't hold back. "Where's she from?"

"She's from abroad. Europe," the '96 Liner continued. "Young and very talented."

"I see..." Dino, deep into his character, glanced around the room. "Then she must be really good in English, right?"

Woozi nodded, "Yeah, she lived in England before. She writes a lot of her lyrics in English, actually. And I, ehm-" he cleared his throat. "I actually asked her to accompany me here today to this meeting, I hope that's okay."

"Oh, of course, of course!" Pi Cheolin raised his arms up into the air. "The more, the better!"

The producer nodded with a smile, "Good, good. She should be here any second, I think." Just right after he had said that, a knock shook through the door.

"Come in!" Pi Cheolin shouted out.

Only a second later, the door opened to reveal the face of the girl they had just mentioned, peaking in to look around. Her eyes held still on Woozi's form, but before she could say anything, the man in the hat shot up from the chair.

"Minnie! You must be Minnie!" With a hard push, he jumped up onto his feet, his chair hitting the wooden shelves behind him before rushing over to the female member.

[bruh HAHAHA]

"What a beautiful young lady!"

[he's too good in this role, i love him]

Without warning, he grabbed her by her upper arms and pulled her in, letting first their right cheeks touch, then the left ones. Each time, he added an overly dramatic kissing sound.

[STOP]

"O- Oh- ok-," Minnie looked at him taken aback as soon as they were face to face again.

[so this was definitely not scripted, i guess]

[HAHAHAHAHA]

Pi Cheolin smiled brightly at her. "That's how you greet people in Europe, right?"

"I- sure? I guess?" She just shrugged.

[her new personality: europe]

Harsher than needed, the man patted her arms, making her almost wince.

[i can't]

"I'm glad to finally meet you!" Without looking at her again, he turned back around to go to his seat. "Please, take a seat! I heard so much about you."

Minnie directed her eyes towards Woozi as she claimed the chair right next to him, raising her eyebrows to ask him 'Really?"

He shrugged, "I only just started telling him about you. I don't know what he's talking about."

With a slow and unsure nod, she sat down.

[they're too good]

"I have to be honest with you, Minnie," Pi Cheolin suddenly turned seriously after the three had just negotiated the producer-writer duo to join his agency.

"Ok..." the girl carefully answered, fiddling with her fingers in her lap.

With his teeth tightly pressed together, he hissed in a breath. "Minhee. Your other name."

"My legal name, yes."

"We have to change it." He simply stated.

"What?" Minnie stopped with every little action she was previously doing, glancing over at the man. "But that's my real name. My grandma gave me-"

"We need to change it," he interrupted her, making her send an unamused look right into the camera.

[he really don't give a fuck about the grandma huh?]

For a second the room fell into complete silence. Pi Cheolin had a finger on his chin, looking like he was deep in his thoughts. "What about..." he spoke before stopping for a bit again. "Minstar!" He shouted out, surprising both members, making them cover their mouths as chuckles escaped their lips.

[HOW IS HE NOT DYING FROM LAUGHING]

[MINSTAR?! HOW DO YOU EVEN COME UP WITH THAT SHIT]

"Minstar?" The girl wondered.

The man nodded. "Yeah. 'Min', from Minnie. And 'star' because you are A STAR!" The sudden change to English was all it took for another round of quiet chuckles to fill the room.

[he's so random for what]

After not getting an answer in return, with Woozi covering his face with one hand and Minnie turned around towards the wall, trying to calm down her laughter, Pi Cheolin continued.

With his arms opened wide and a big grin plastered on his face, he stared at the two. "Do you love it or do you love it?"

The girl just sent him a thumbs-up.

[i just KNOW i could never hold it together in front of the camera]

[i know, out of all the members minnie falls out of character the most, but i would be so much worse omg]

[how could you not if you have someone in front of you playing this old man just a little too well for it not to be real?!]

As soon as the three walked into the recording studio, where Wonwoo, Jeonghan and Dokyeom aka Leo, Charles and Seokmin, Minnie was holding her hand up to cover her mouth, unable to keep any grins hidden as soon as her eyes fell on her fellow members.

[she was having a hard time keeping it together for literally the entire episode]

[but who could blame her]

They stood up to greet the CEO, producer and lyricist.

"Have you seen these guys before?" Pi Cheolin asked, pointing at the trio in front of them.

Minnie and Woozi shook their head. "We've never met them before," the '96 Liner answered for both of them as the female member was busy wiping away the tears that had fallen from her eyes due to her laughter.

"Oh, is that right?" The man exclaimed. "Then I'll introduce you-" As soon as he turned to the girl, who was crouched over, he stopped. "Are you okay? What's so funny?"

She was quick to catch herself, standing up straight again, "Nothing. Nothing. I'm okay."

With a slight squint, Pi Cheolin glared at her. "Lyricists need to be a bit more serious, I think."

[oh okay]

"I'll try my best," she promised him.

"Well then, let me introduce you to the best singers in the industry! Say hello, starting with you," he pointed at the '95 Liner, who revealed his age and name, followed by Wonwoo until they landed on Dokyeom.

But instead of talking to them, the '97 Liner started moving around, showing them a variety of what could only be described as 'tiktok moves from 2019'. Minnie couldn't hold it again and gave in as she turned to the side slightly, trying to ignore her fellow member in front of her. Pi Cheolin was having none of that.

"No, no," he grabbed her shoulders and turned her back around. "It's rude not to look at people when they introduce themselves." The girl just nodded.

[PLS LET THIS GIRL LIVE IN PEACE]

After a few more seconds, the CEO took the word again. "Your name... what's your name?"

"Seokminie," Dokyeom answered him.

"Oh, Seokminie?" Pi Cheolin's eyes widened. He surprised the girl with a slap on the back.

[why is he like this]

"See! Another reason why you have to change your name." But she just continued to stare at him. "So people don't confuse you two!" Pointing between the '97 Liners.

"So they don't confuse us?"

[...]

"Yes! Look at you two. You could be twins. Both young. Both attractive."

[DINO😭]

No comment was made to his statement as everyone was trying to hold in their giggles. Minnie shook her head.

After a few more jokes back and forth, including Seokmin shouting into their ears and bursting their eardrums, everyone had sat down.

"So!" Pi Cheolin suddenly stood up again. "Now, I'll introduce my trusted people right here." He placed both of his hands on the female member's shoulders, making her tense up slightly, which he noticed right away.

"Aah, don't be so tense, Minstar," he started massaging her shoulders, clearly not in a comforting way though as her face scrunched up and she tried to free herself from his grasp.

[MINSTAR]

[he's really going through with it]

After a few seconds, he stopped, only to squish her face in between his hands. "This is Minnie. We call her Minstar because she is A STAR!" His hands started moving around, squishing her cheeks a slight bit more. "

[minnie is so much stronger than i am bc i would actually beat him up as soon as the cameras go down, but i just know she lets him do this bc he's dino and she loves him]

[bc imagine if this was seungkwan]

I mean look at her." The room went quiet. "Look at her beauty. Her talent. You can smell her intelligence." Another moment of silence washed over the group after he took a big and loud sniff.

[JUST WHY]

"I see, you agree with me." He freed her again, making her touch her own cheeks again and frown at the camera.

"Let's move on to Woozi, the genius producer!"

[GOING SEVENTEEN] Don't Lie III #1

[something about dino in this episode was just so pure and cute]

The members cleaned up nicely. Each one of them was wearing a personalised, colour-coded outfit for the filming of the third part of their Don't Lie series. Minnie was sharing the couch with Minghao, Seungkwan and Jeonghan, sitting between the '95 and '98 Liner.

After going through the casualties and flaming Mingyu along the way, the group decided to let Dino be the first in the starting round of the Lie Detector test.

He got down to the floor, to sit right in front of the coffee table with the machine on top of it. After securing his hand with the velcro seal, one of the producers behind the camera started to explain the rules.

"After detecting your heart rate, when you're asked a question, press the button and answer-"

The members listened attentively, some nodding along to her words, but the maknae seemed as lost as he possibly could be. Dino looked to his left, making the girl chuckle as she could practically see the wheels in his head turning.

"How?" He suddenly asked, his eyes wide in lostness.

[THE CONFUSION]

[oh dino]

The group couldn't hold back laughing at his reaction.

Not even a second later, Minnie was already up on her feet, Jeonghan's hand on her back, dropping down to his side.

[she literally only smiled before she SHOT UP to get to him]

[the older sister instincts KICKED IN]

[also: pretty sure jeonghan kinda like pushed her forward bc he saw his baby in need]

She walked over to him and crouched down on the floor, her knees hitting the carpet as she tried to explain it again in simpler terms. But his eyes told her everything she needed to know - he still had no idea what to do. It just made her chuckle even more.

[minnie pls he just needs your help]

[pls help him]

"I'll do it for you. I'll activate it," Minnie placed a hand on his shoulder while her other one was on top of the coffee table, close to the lie detector. All Dino now had to do was listen to the question and answer truthfully.

"Noona!"

The female member whipped her head around at the sound of the youngest's voice. An awaiting smile was already plastered on her face.

With quick but short steps, Dino was right in front of her within a second.

"Is there a pharmacist?" He wondered in a hushed tone.

[i love how she was the first person he thought of to ask]

With scrunched eyebrows, clearly confused by the random question, the girl looked at him.

"What?"

"Is there a pharmacist in the game?"

"A pharmacist? Like... someone that works in a pharmacy?" She repeated his words, still unsure if she had understood him correctly. After getting a nod from the maknae, she spoke up again. "Why?"

Dino quickly glanced at his left and right, before leaning into her just a little bit closer and lowering his voice. "Jeonghan said he's the pharmacist," he explained, "I didn't even know there was such a role."

[well ngl i wouldn't believe anything that comes from jeonghan's mouth after being with him in the same group for this long of a time]

[the trust issues i have with this man are unreal]

"Aaah," Minnie nodded, almost unable to hold back her chuckle. After having dealt with the older's mischief for far too long, and getting involved in it for just as long, she immediately saw right through the lie.

You could see her eyes looking around the room as she debated her next statement - she could play into it, or she could tell him the truth.

But with those boba eyes looking right at her, she only had one option.

"No," she shook her head with a grin. "He's just joking with you. There's no pharmacist role."

[BUT DINO AND MINNIE, TRUST ISSUES?! NEVER]

"Really? Are you sure?"

Minnie nodded.

"But he keeps on collecting little pieces of paper that he finds," Dino imitated the size of the mentioned paper slips.

"I don't know... maybe he wrote them earlier? He was writing something before we started filming." The female member dropped the truth, making the youngest look at her with an open mouth.

[she even reveals jeonghan's secrets to dino, like what]

"Aaah... wow..." he shook his head. "He's really passionate about this game."

[he IS REALLY passionate about that game]

[but so is everyone else of you, sooo...]

The female member laughed as she agreed with him by nodding again.

[GOING SEVENTEEN] Runner-Up Sports Day #2

Part of the members were standing in a line, waiting for the next instructions during their filming. Vernon was holding the ball they'd be using for the dodgeball match that was coming up. It was fairly windy, but Minnie had found out the Mingyu was a good wind blocker, explaining why she was standing to his left.

[the gose producer's caption 'the great wall of mingyu' was perfect]

Dino was next to her, on her other side.

The group had fallen into a comfortable conversation, forgetting about the multiple cameras on them for just a few minutes.

After finding out that the only members to know about 'Shaun the Sheep' were Vernon and Minnie, Dokyeom had another question,

"Who knows 'Fairly Odd Parents?"

The youngest member of the hip-hop unit turned to the '97 Liner, continuing to subconsciously play with the ball in his hand.

"Ah, the Nickelodean cartoon?"

Dokyeom confirmed his wonder.

Minnie was fixing her hair when the maknae spoke up after a chuckle fell from his lips,

"My nickname in elementary school was Jimmy Neutron." The girl next to him fell into a fit of giggles, her head falling back as she was surprised and most definitely amused by the sudden comment. "My head was so big back then," Dino continued to explain.

[AWWWWW]

With a pout, the female member reached out to touch his arm, leaning forward to rest her forehead on his shoulder, hiding her amusement.

[she adores this man so much]

Without even thinking twice, Mingyu opened his mouth, "It still is." Followed by a chuckle.

[PLS]

[MINGYU]

[no filter]

Minnie's head immediately shot up. Her eyes wide, but her lips pressed together, trying to keep the corner of her lips from curling. She turned to her side and got a groan from her fellow '97 Liner in return as his hand flew up to where she had just smacked him on the chest.

[go off big sister minnie!]

[getting ready for defence]

With a sarcastic unamused facial expression, Dino commented on his statement. "You say such nice things." To which the girl was quick to turn to him,

"Awww," she laughed out and let her hand come up to cup his cheek, leaning onto his shoulder once again.

[PURE ADORATION]

In the Soop 1 Ep. 2

[what i want to say:]

[i am very sorry to end this video with this in the soop moment]

[BUT]

[it's literally probably my all time favourite minnie x dino moment, EVER]

[we see them always acting all sweet and loving and just caring for each other]

[but this... this was so much than that]

[and i still cry whenever i watch it]

All of the members left to do their individual things. Some had started getting ready for bed. Others were already sleeping. A few had gone into the kitchen for snacks. The only ones left outside were Dino and Minnie. As it was starting to get colder, Minnie had thrown a blanket around her body, while the maknae had chosen a jacket to keep him warm. The girl had started to collect some of the trash left behind by the other guys and put together the empty bottles of alcohol, so they'd have it easier to throw away.

It was quiet. The only sounds filling the open outdoors were coming from the river from a distance and the crickets and other insects that you'd find close to the woods.

Dino's eyes were trained on the female member, following her every movement.

[i don't know what it is, but dino just gazing at her is something that hits me so hard]

[like, a lot of the members look at minnie in a specific way, but dino... it's very special]

[again: pure adoration]

He stayed quiet, feeling just a bit sorry that he wasn't helping her, but the sudden rush of tiredness had surprised him - Minnie knew that and wouldn't comment on it.

Then the maknae suddenly broke the comfortable silence, "I'm really proud of you, noona."

[LITERALLY STARTED TEARING UP ALREADY]

The girl stopped in her tracks. She lifted her head to meet his gaze. "What?" She chuckled. "All of a sudden?"

"No," he shook his head almost shyly, immediately crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I've been wanting to tell you things like that, but... I've never found the right time."

The female member stopped her actions, taking a seat in the chair that Seungkwan had previously occupied.

[notice how she literally dropped everything and just sat down to listen?]

"Well..." she took a deep breath, "Do you think now is the right time? Do you want to talk to me?"

"I always want to talk to you, but...," Dino admitted, looking down at his hands before up at the older member again. "I don't really know... how to say it well."

"You can always talk to me. I'm always all ears for you, you know that," Minnie reached out to get a hold of the glass of water one of the members had left for her.

[first tears started falling]

"I know- Of course, I know." The maknae gulped. "But I really am proud of you."

The girl's eyebrows shot up as she tried to fight a pout. "Thank you, I'm really proud of you too."

Dino nodded. "You've been working so hard, so I... I just wanted to tell you that. Especially this year, you've been working a lot- I mean, you've always been working very hard with writing lyrics and helping Woozi... and also doing photoshoots and promoting Seventeen so well."

"Thank you, Channie," she smiled at her younger member who had been trying to avoid her gaze.

[something about her using his real name seems so special]

[i mean, maybe it was the alcohol]

[but also maybe not]

She continued, "But you should be really proud of yourself too. You've been doing a lot for not only the group but also for yourself. You've grown a lot over the past few years. You can be very proud of that."

Dino's eyes were fixed on nothing specific as he just glanced into the dark emptiness to his right.

"Do-" he suddenly started again. Minnie was still waiting patiently for him to speak, a soft smile plastered on her face as she couldn't take her eyes off the maknae. "Do you ever feel like you've missed out on something?"

She scrunched her eyebrows, "What do you mean with 'something'?"

He took a deep breath, brushing his hands over his thighs as he looked down. "That's something I've always wanted to ask you... but I was never sure if... if you wanted to talk about it." He took another second to let the question fall from his lips. "...Do... you ever feel... like you've missed out on something because you're in a group with us?"

"Because you're guys?" She wondered.

The maknae nodded. "I've been wondering about that for a long time I think, but especially now... and... after our contract renewal- I don't know-" he shook his head slightly. "I just... I was asking myself that. And if... like- do you ever think about how you're life as an idol in a girl group would've been?"

[HE WAS WORRIED ABOUT HER FOR SUCH A LONG TIME]

[AND NOW HE'S ASKING HER ABOUT THIS]

[bc of the contract renewal]

[makes me kinda think what if he was scared that she wouldn't want to renew it bc of that exact reason]

[brb gotta dry my tears]

A nearly sad chuckle tumbled from Minnie's lips as she looked at the younger member in front of her. "Why are you wondering about that?" Sounding almost concerned.

[fr don't make us cry like that]

Dino shrugged. "I was always wondering about you... and the group... but... when the contract renewal became a topic... I... almost started to feel bad, I think." Minnie decided to stay quiet to let him continue and give him as much time as he needed. "I was thinking about if...if we were maybe taking something from you... or... just in general... if you feel pressured into resigning maybe for some reason."

[...]

[WE DO NOT DESERVE THIS MAN]

"Ah..." Minnie sighed, looking down at her own hands, "Why are you worrying so much, Dino?" As soon as she looked up again, the camera, as well as the youngest, caught her glassy eyes. She didn't get an answer from him in return as he just continued to look at her.

"I..." she started quietly, her right hand brushing through her hair as she looked up at the sky and gulped. "I definitely- during the contract negotiations, thought a lot about the future and... also, of course, the past and... everything that has happened and what we've been through and... also how my mindset used to be in the beginning, you know? Because it changed a lot."

"What do you mean?"

"I... I- like you asked about me missing out on something. I never felt like that. I never thought that I was missing out on... for example, being in a girl group. Because... all of you make me so so happy. And... I know that every single member is, like- I know that all of your guys' kindness and support, and... just everything about you... I couldn't ask for anything more, because... it's so much more than I could've ever imagined already. And so much better and... I don't deserve any-"

"No no, stop," he was quick to interrupt her. "You deserve everything, noona. You deserve so much more."

[i don't want to interrupt this beautiful moment but yes, I'm crying]

"No, stop!" She chuckled.

"You really deserve this."

"Well, you do too!"

"But you're doubting yourself right now!" He argued back with a sad smile.

Minnie stopped him with a wave of her hand. "No, no, I'm not, don't worry. I mean... I don't know who even in this world would deserve a group as wonderful as Seventeen, you know?"

[facts]

"You do, noona."

[BUT EVEN MORE FACTS]

"Ah, stop, you're gonna make me cry!"

[you and me both sis]

The female member chuckled as she covered her sight with one hand before trying to wipe away the tears that had gathered in the corner of her eyes.

"No, don't! Please don't" Dino giggled along with her trying to find a napkin he could hand her. After his eyes landed on one clean one, he reached out with it for her to grab. Minnie thanked him.

"There were definitely times where... I doubted if I should be in a group like this, you know?"

[NO MINNIE DON'T DO THIS TO MY HEART]

She continued, and the maknae nodded while listening attentively. "Especially shortly after our debut... and during our trainee years," she cleared her throat, sitting up just a bit straighter. "None of the members have ever made me feel... like... I'm not a part of the group. You've always made me feel very included and... accepted... and just... never made me feel different, but... just... my own mindset and a lot of other things, you know? It sometimes told me that... I'm not- I'm not supposed to be here. That it's supposed to be only you guys-"

"But without you, something would definitely be missing."

"Thank you," she whispered, feeling the tears pool up again. "But I've learned not to listen to that and... just enjoy the time that we have right now. And... that made me realise that there is nothing better I could ever ask for. During our trainee days, I- I've definitely felt a bit lonely at times, of course, because... I was also growing into an adult, and that's a hard time already. But... I'm just so thankful for all of you... that's why I renewed it. I definitely didn't feel pressured by anything. I just... I couldn't imagine what else I would be doing, you know? I love you all so much, and I'm so thankful... I just want to hold onto every single member for as long as I can."

By the end of Minnie's speech, Dino's eyes had also turned slightly more glassy than before, but he continued to nod along to every word she spoke.

[seeing him like this in front of her is actually breaking my heart]

"During our trainee days, I don't think I thought much about it, but as I'm getting older, I started to realise that some times must've been very lonely for you. And I couldn't help but to feel sorry about that. Because... I don't want you to ever feel lonely. We all appreciate you so much and we hope that you can see and feel that... we really do. But when I was younger, all I thought was that it was weird but cool to have so many older brothers and one older sister because I never had that. And then... especially to have you as a sister... someone I know I can always rely on and ask for help and who I know will support me... but getting older, I just had to start thinking about what this all must be like for you. And that it must be very- ah, noona!"

And this point, there were already too many tears to count that were running down Minnie's face. She chuckled at the youngest's reaction, trying to pat away the stains on her cheeks, the silence of the night now also filled with her sobs.

"I didn't want you to cry, I'm sorry," the maknae spoke gently as he stood up, quickly wiping away his own tears that had started to fall before he pushed one of the chairs as close as possible to her. After taking a seat, he was quick to wrap his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into a comforting side hug.

"I just wanted to talk to you about this because I was thinking about it and I noticed that you're never complaining about it and have never said anything about this."

[i will stop interrupting now bc i don't even know what to say anymore]

[i love them so much]

[both of them deserve the world]

"Dino..."

"What?" He chuckled at her sigh.

"You've grown so much. You shouldn't be worrying about me or us in general like that," the tears were still running down her cheeks, but she was able to speak normally.

The maknae shook his head, "Don't say that. We all worry about each other."

"Yeah, but," she snuffled, "You're our maknae..." and looked up at him as his grip around her softened. "You haven't acted like a maknae since... I don't even know... since never. And... it's kind of... really hard to watch you grow up so quickly because... it's okay if you want to act like the maknae. You can act like a maknae! It's okay. That's what we expect from you. To see you all grown up like this and think so much about worries that shouldn't even cross your mind is really scary..."

Now it was Dino's time to look up, trying to blink away his tears. Minnie took his hand into her grasp with a sad smile.

"Please don't think that you have to grow up quickly. I feel like you couldn't even enjoy your youth much because you became a trainee so young-"

"You became a trainee at 13 too," the youngest told her with a somewhat chuckle.

Minnie nodded with a smile, "Yeah, but I was almost an adult when we debuted. You weren't. And... I feel like that may have made you want to grow up quicker than we wanted you to." She reached out to touch his cheek, running her thumb over the fresh tears that had escaped his eyes. "Please don't worry about us so much. Focus on your youth and enjoy it. And be a maknae at times. Don't be so mature, you're gonna make me sad to see you grow up!" Her scolding made both of them laugh and lean into each other.

"But-" Dino cleared his throat, "I feel like you never talk about your struggle and that worries me. I can't help but worry. You're a special person in the group. Of course, I'm gonna worry about my older sister."

"But you shouldn't," she patted his hand again. "I... I sometimes do talk to... Coups-oppa, especially. But you know... everyone has their own worries, so I don't want to hurt anyone with my worries even more."

"I know..." the maknae copied her soft tone.

"It's hard sometimes, but... yeah... everyone is struggling a little bit differently, but we all learn how to deal with it. And... we know that we can always rely on each other."

Dino nodded again. "And I just wanted you to know that you can always also rely on me."

"I know," Minnie told him in a whisper, another round of tears already making their way down her cheeks again. "But don't worry," She took a deep breath, "A lot of happy things have happened recently, so... I'm very happy as well." And smiled shyly, making the maknae copy her expression.

"I'm really happy for you." His whisper hit her ears oh so softly.

"Thank you." With a big smile, she wrapped her arms around the muscular frame of the '99 Liner. "Just remember that you'll always be our maknae. You're not the oldest here, so don't feel pressured to act like it."

"I know," he buried his face deeper into her neck. "You're a very important part of the group. And also to me. I mean it... I don't know what I would do without you, noona. I really love you."

"I love you too, Channie," she tightened the hug, noticing him doing the same, making her smile. After they released each other again, the female member took another look at the maknae.

"And you can always talk to me. You don't have to wait for a good moment or something like that. If you need to talk to me, I will listen. Doesn't matter when or where."

Dino decided to just nod, scared of the lump in his throat that was about to appear again.

[they both have been through literally so much individually]

[i'm so glad they found towards each other]

[if none of the moments from before convinced you that they need each other, i hope this one did]

[i really hope that they will be forever happy and healthy]

[also:]

[i'm actually convinced that finding someone that cares about me as much as minnie and dino care about each other would heal me from inside out]

Taglist: @waosobii @chaebb @lunarxsun @hoe4wonwoo @kimhyejin3108 @soobzao @billboard-singer @cosmicwintr @zwiehe @alixnsuperstxr @angie-x3 @smooore @allthings-fandoms

#minnie 🌷#seventeen #seventeen oc #seventeen 14th member #imagine #Fan Video #kpop oc

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eitaababe · 1 year

Text

SOMEBODY ELSE !

— chapter 21. earn me.

a/n — oh my god guys we made it it's the end

series masterlist. | previous / end.

written portion below. —

"since when did you listen to taylor swift?" you snorted as you made your way into the car, lo'ak only shrugging in response.

"rey kinda just takes the aux chord anytime she's in my car, taylor started to grow on me."

"as she should," you nodded, immediately turning up the volume when you saw the song, gasping in excitement. "LONG STORY SHORT IT WAS THE WRONG GUY!" you shouted from the top of your lungs, lo'ak laughing beside you.

"you said that with a little too much heart, if you ask me."

"shut up!" you scoffed in mock offense, reaching over to flick his forehead. "you're actually horrible."

"hey, i just said what needed to be said."

the whole car ride consisted of uncontrollable laughter and shouting of taylor swift, before lo'ak turned down the volume, making you look over in confusion.

"ok, so what's going on between you and my brother?"

"lo'ak!" you groaned in annoyance, only to be met with his laughter when you turned red. "we just decided that we liked each other again, i guess."

"did you ever really stop?" he questioned, pulling into a parking space.

you pondered for a moment, sitting still before getting out of the car. "i guess not."

"simp."

"shut the fuck up."

you both bickered as you walked to the cafe, lo'ak stopping just a few feet short of it, blocking your view inside. "you know, are we really sure we wanna do this whole barista thing? i mean, i did burn coffee."

"well hopefully you know how to work a cash register." you laughed, trying to push past only to be met with the hard of his chest.

"you know, i don't think i ever told you the full story of how me and tsireya got together-"

"lo'ak, you can tell me inside, okay?" you pushed past him once more, this time successful. you chuckled to yourself at the boys odd antics, your smile fading as you stopped a few steps into the cafe.

"i'm sorry i tried to-"

you cut lo'ak off, flashing a glare towards the blonde. "literally what the fuck is her problem? why is she so obsessed with neteyam- like take a hint, he doesn't want you."

the boy besides you only laughed, clutching onto your shoulder. "so true. she probably just is clueless."

"annoying," you grumbled under your breath, walking over towards a register, trying to put the thought of neteyam and another girl as far from your head as possible before you could take your interview.

neteyam, who only stood still with a confused violet across from him was approached by lo'ak, whispering lowly in his ear. "if you let y/n leave this cafe before talking to you, you might not have another chance with her again."

─── neteyam !

lo'ak's right, eywa, neteyam knows he's right.

the thought of losing his chance to be with you, once again, is enough to tear neteyam to shreds. and he knows he should probably go after you, talk to you before you go to that interview instead of watching you walk into a separate room and letting violet even slightly think she has a chance with him compared to you.

but alas, even neteyam succumbs to the many voices in his head that tell him he shouldn't. that tell him he wasn't enough for you then and most certainly won't be now. that tell him he should let you go and be with someone you deserve, that tell him he shouldn't be as selfish as he wants to right now.

so he sits in silence, let's violet try to figure out what the hell is going on with him from across the table. he thinks and thinks and thinks, and he doesn't realize how much time was really passed until he watches you brush past lo'ak, making a beeline for outside.

and as he makes a move to follow after you he hesitates, wondering if maybe the voices in his head were right all along.

but this time he decides he shouldn't stick around to find out.

so neteyam leaves violet in the dust, her calls of protest only white noise to him as he chases after you.

─── y/n !

as you heard your name being shouted from across the parking lot, you turned at the familiar voice.

a voice you could recognize anywhere.

you're almost sure you could recognize neteyam by his touch alone, the tenderness in the way his calloused hands ran over your skin, or the hesitant way he'd reach for you.

and even yet, even at the feeling of possible betrayal from the one person you're almost positive it would break you, you still feel comfort from his voice.

he catches up with you, face rather flushed. "whatever that was back there, it wasn't what it looked like."

only lifting your brow in amusement, neteyam continued. "violet's been dming me like crazy the past week, and i've been ignoring everything. i probably should've just blocked her instead because she saw my post and figured we were something we weren't and-"

"neteyam," you cut him off, gaining his whole attention by calling him by his full name. "it's not like- like we're dating, you know?" you noticed the way his shoulders dropped slightly at the statement, but you both knew you were right. "you don't have to explain yourself to me. i know about violet, and especially how she feels about you."

"i don't know where you're going with this," neteyam honestly answered, looking all out of sorts. "what are you trying to say? that you don't care that another girl was holding my hand?"

"i'm saying, you're allowed to live a life and not have to explain every waking thing you do to me," you countered. "and of course i care, neteyam. i care so much. but don't you see what this is doing to us? to our friendship?"

"y/n," neteyam started, refusing to let you step away from him, his hands grasping for your arms. "we can fix this, can't we? we've had some miscommunications here and there, but eywa, i've only wanted you. i don't want violet, or any other girl for that matter. i just want you, and i know you want me. shouldn't that be the only thing that matters?"

"you want me?" you inquired, not waiting for his confirmation. "i need you to prove it. i refuse to be someone you think you can run back to so easily. if you really mean it, earn me."

you left him in the parking lot and went back inside, not giving him the chance to say anything else.

───

the ride home in lo'ak's car was relatively silent, neither of you daring to talk. lo'ak was still a little lost on the situation, only understanding that things clearly didn't go as well as he expected them to.

nevertheless, he didn't question you in respects for your privacy, and trusted that you would tell him when you were ready.

"let me know if you need anything, yeah?" he called out as you got out of the car.

you smiled softly in response, nodding. "thanks for the ride."

you ended the call with kiri, flopping yourself on the nearby couch.

the past few weeks and the fiasco have been more than enough to keep you busy, and honestly? you just wanted to nap. so you grabbed some random blanket laid across the couch, settling on top of the cushions and closing your eyes, trying to let sleep overtake you.

until you heard a knock on the door.

"i'm dreaming, it's apart of my dream, fuck off." you whined, hoping whoever was there would go away.

your hopes were crushed when the knocking continued, this time more insistent.

"i'm coming, i'm coming! so impatient." grumbling, you wrapped the blanket around your figure, opening the door to face neteyam.

"hi, i-"

"what are you doing here?" you cut him off, more shocked than you should be at the fact he was standing in front of you.

"proving it to you," he simply replied, as if it made all the sense in the world. "i'm serious about this, y/n. i know you're skeptical about this and really you should be, but you can trust me, i swear. and i know i've been stupid when it comes to you-"

"really stupid." you added quietly, making him chuckle and roll his eyes at your remark.

"really stupid," he confirmed. "i just- sometimes i cant think straight around you, you know? you drive me absolutely insane and i lose my mind around you half the time."

"are you implying i'm difficult?"

"i would never," he smiled, stepping inside and closing the door, figuring the entire hall didn't need to hear the entire conversation. "i'm trying to imply that i know i don't make the best decisions when it comes to you, and i'm trying to fix it. because i don't think i could stand the idea of only being your friend when i know we could be so much more."

you nodded, your silence making him worry for a moment. "you're right. and you aren't the only one being stupid— i am too. i'm overly cautious around you, it's like i cant stand to make a mistake when it comes to us."

"we're gonna make mistakes, that's natural," neteyam spoke, laughing to himself when he reached for you and saw you wrapped up in the blanket. "but i'll make as many mistakes as it takes if it means i can finally learn how to be with you properly."

"you really mean that?" you know you should trust him, and eywa, you really do. but you're still clinging onto the feeling, the desperation for confirmation.

"i do," he assured, opening up the blanket. "now can you please move this damned blanket so i can give you a proper hug?"

─── one month later ! (your birthday.)

you had just finished your shift, ready to head home and take a much needed shower.

alas, your plan was deterred by a call of your name, a smile immediately making its way to your face at the sight of your newly named boyfriend.

"teyam!" you called, engulfing him in a tight squeeze when he lightly jogged over. "what are you doing here?"

"well you're working on your birthday, i had to come see you one way or another."

"awh, you remembered?" you teased, landing a kiss on the soft of his cheek.

"i'd never hear from you again if i forgot," he quipped. "i actually brought you something, before i see you again tonight."

"neteyam-" you started, no doubt in his mind about to complain about multiple gifts.

"shhhh, let me spoil you," he cut you off. "it's actually something i've wanted you to have for awhile now." wordlessly taking a hidden gold chain from underneath his sweater, neteyam pulled it off himself, revealing what looked like a round locket.

as he handed it over you opened the locket to see an old photograph of you and him, and you smiled, remembering the day like it was yesterday. "how long have you had this?"

"i-" he started, tilting his head with an awkward chuckle. "i got it the day we broke up, actually. the girl you saw me with had it made for me."

your mind flashed back to the argument where you brought her up, and as your face fell, neteyam quickly stopped you before you could think anymore about it. "i just wimped out of giving it to you. now seems like a great occasion for it, though."

"i love it," you declared, looking up at him. "i love you."

eyes widening at the sudden confession, neteyam was unable to stop the smile creeping up on him. "really?"

you nodded, taking his hand in yours. "really."

"i love you too," he admitted, and somehow the dirty alleyway that led to your car was the most romantic scene you'd have to experience yet.

"i always have."

—

taglist #1 / closed ! @n7ytiri @ilovejakesullysdick @possysblog @love-chx @evphology @afro-hispwriter @ydsm-29 @goldeneywa @doulcha @krazy-kattzz @squid4 @blairrrrrr @neteyamforlife @dreamtogether2000 @444lyra @ambria @cawi00 @calums-betch @powowowy @fadingpalacebonkpsychic @elegantkidfansoul @kolsmikaelson @mirikusashes @yukichan67 @goodiesinthecloset21 @netemoon @teyums @littlethingsinlife @coconut-dreamz @anm3mi @jjkclub @il0veheartz @liyahsocorro @drugs-for-memes @grierpilots @misscaller06 @lightskinloak @mommyneytiri @inluvwithneteyam @halibanana @iheartamajiki @ipoopedmypants47 @neigesprincess @lookiiheh @ghostjoohoney @ronalsgirl @alwayswndr @khaleesi56 @azaleaniath @dilfverz

THE END.

─── all i can say is just omfg we finally did it guys 😭 i wanna say thank you to everyone who read this smau and enjoyed it, your support and love was truly amazing and really was my motivation to keep this going. you all are so so special to me and i hope you enjoyed somebody else!

yours truly, rory. ⭐️

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unseededtoast · 8 months

Text

See How It Shines | Spencer Reid x F!Reader

Summary: You had left the Quantico office for what you thought was your dream job. However, you were quick to find out that you lost a lot more than you found. The love of your life walked away from you, but your love for him never waned. But you can't help but wonder if his soul yearns for you like yours does for him.

Cross-posted on Wattpad and AO3

Warnings: Angst, so much angst, pining. Poorly edited.

Word count: 8.2k

a/n: Howdy, this is the first time I've written for Spencer, and I can't guarantee that the quality is good. This is inspired by Hozier's song "Abstract". Here is my masterlist!

"So that's it then? You're just going to leave?" His voice cracks, and your heart shatters into a million pieces.

"Spencer." You whisper and reach out for his face to wipe the tears away, but he flinches from your touch. An overwhelming sensation of sorrow blossoms in you as you watch him shake his head and walk away.

A single tear drips from your face and lands on the floor. The love of your life walks away from you and you don't know if you'll ever see him again.

A steady stream of light rain surrounds you as you stare up at an all too familiar building, your nerves not allowing you to take another step closer just yet. Memories of the past float around in your mind as you contemplate turning around and finding some excuse of why you never showed up. But you know you can't just leave, you can't help yourself. With all the courage you can muster, you force yourself inside of the building, where the cold air hits your wet skin and leaves goosebumps all over.

Each step that you take towards the office, your heartbeat resounds in your ears and your stomach feels like it's been tied into numerous knots. This office used to be like your second home, but now it's like seeing a ghost, a place frozen in time, unchanged. You recall the first day you walked into this building, bright eyed and hopeful for the future which starkly contrasts the last time you left. That memory is tattooed in your mind, unable to forget despite giving it your best effort.

Your chest begins heaving with deep breaths as you find yourself just outside of the elevator and you have to find every last shred of strength within you to not get sick all over the floor. With a shaking hand, you press the button to call the elevator. You've been on this elevator ride more times than you can count, but that was back then, under different circumstances.

The doors close, leaving you alone in the elevator. In an attempt to soothe yourself, your clammy hands grasp the railing and you close your eyes, trying to calm your racing mind. Invasive thoughts crowd your head all at once, remembering who used to ride this elevator with you every morning and how you're going to have to face him once more after that last ride. Before you're ready, the doors open and you have no choice but to step out.

With each approaching step it feels like you're making your way through wet concrete, your feet feel like they're being tethered to the floor, not wanting to progress forward. Once you reach the office's door, it feels like every set of eyes is on you instantly. But perhaps that's just your paranoia.

Keeping your head held high in a faux display of confidence, you look around and see your old desk, still empty and unoccupied. And to your relief, his desk is unoccupied as well but you can tell there are files waiting for him. A clap on your shoulder breaks you from your mental downward spiral and you jump slightly from the contact.

"It's good to have you back, even if it is just for a few days." A familiar voice says from behind you, and you turn to see Derek Morgan with a wide smile on his face. A smile breaks out on your face as well and you embrace your old friend,

"It's good to be back." You say as he wraps his arms around your waist for a brief reunion. You step away from him and sigh, looking around for any other familiar faces, hoping to see all but one.

"He won't be here for another half hour." Morgan says as if he can read your mind. Without delving into that can of worms, you settle for nodding your head and changing the subject.

"Is Hotch here? He said he was going to give me the run down." You say, straightening your jacket to distract yourself from the intruding voice in your mind. Morgan nods his head and takes you to the briefing room, where you find two of your other ex-colleagues, both with smiles on their faces.

"It's good to see you guys." You force yourself to greet them first, taking note of the faltering smile on Emily's face. Knowing the reason for the fake smile, you turn to Hotch who extends his hand to you. Emily does nothing of the sort, and you can't blame her, you understand.

"Here's your file to look over. We'll be wheels up in an hour." Hotch hands you a brown file folder and you nod, opening the front of it to familiarize yourself with the case you'll be assisting them on. Out of the corner of your eye you notice Emily leaving the room, leaving you and Hotch alone.

You and Hotch had developed a close bond while you worked for the Quantico office and it seems that your departure did not interfere with his sentiments towards you. Closing the file, you meet his gaze and you can tell that there's a lot he wants to say, but you also know he won't go out of his way to gossip. Instead of making him suffer with the burden of professionalism, you break the ice first, trusting him more than the others to give you the truth.

"How bad is this going to be?" He knows your question isn't about the case, and he sighs.

"It'll be fine." His tone betrays the words coming out of his mouth, much to your dismay. He's trying to keep you on board with the idea, even if it means faking positivity.

"And you're sure I can't just stay here and help Garcia?" You try one last time to worm out of this assignment, knowing you didn't take it willingly. Hotch shakes his head,

"Sorry, no can do. Garcia is helping another unit and we need you there with us. You know it's easier to get immediate feedback." He strikes down your last attempt and you nod, knowing that he's completely right.

"Okay, see you on the jet." You defeatedly say and take your file folder with you out of the conference room. The uneasiness in your stomach only intensifies with each passing second, knowing that you're closer and closer to confronting your past.

Instead of staying out in the open office space, you find somewhere to hide for the next forty five minutes, like a coward. You find a quiet corner in the breakroom and sit at the table, spreading the contents of the folder out in front of you. Maybe if you fully immerse yourself in the case then this assignment won't be that bad, or at least that's what you're trying to convince yourself of.

The papers in front of you detail the unsub the team is going after. Being familiar with this unit, your brain automatically disregards the information that isn't pertinent to your job. You're not a behavioral profiler like the rest of them, and so the information about picking apart the unsub's actions isn't as important to your job. Instead, you focus on the details regarding the unsub's internet use and who has been targeted. In a way, you're profiling the unsub, you just do it differently than the rest of the team.

As an intelligence analyst, you're more concerned with known usernames, websites frequented, how the unsub uses social media, that sort of thing. You're more interested in establishing a pattern of online behavior that can give insight to an unsub's activity that might not be apparent from the crime scenes left behind. During your time at the Quantico office, this type of analysis has been helpful in over forty cases.

As you read on and mark specific details to help you, your mind reverts to what it knows best; the job. Your thoughts are no longer concerned with facing your past, and all you can think of is how to use the information provided to aid your search. Your dedication to the job is also what landed you in this predicament in the first place, but you try not to dig into what that might mean.

"Hey, there you are, we've been looking for you all over. Wheels up in five." Morgan says and you nod, quickly shoving the papers back into the file and clipping the pen over the front cover. You must've lost track of time, too engrossed in searching for the smallest of details.

Taking the familiar path to the unit's private jet is almost nostalgic, and you kind of miss being able to do this. The Cleveland office never deploys agents like Quantico does, but they offered the position of a lifetime, and you couldn't turn it down. But sometimes, most times, you wish you had. You found that you lost far more than you gained.

The rest of the team is on the jet by the time you and Morgan arrive, and you rush in, mumbling out an apology as you take a seat in the back, where you'll hopefully be left alone for the duration of the flight. As you take your seat and prepare for takeoff, you can feel everyone's eyes burning into you and your heart rate increases, knowing that the one person you'd wanted to avoid is definitely here. His presence is overwhelming and you haven't even looked at him yet. Your heartstrings tug with remorse and pain, remembering the last time you two were on the jet, when things were good.

Knowing you've already gathered all the information you can from the file, you open it again anyways and act like you're deep in thought. Though the profilers can probably see right through this, none of them say anything.

It's a demanding task to keep your eyes trained on the file for the majority of the flight, but after a while your neck starts aching from poor posture. You quietly place the file on your lap and stretch out your muscles, massaging the side to find some temporary relief. You notice that almost everyone has elected to take a nap until the plane lands, but unfortunately, one person opted to stay awake.

Your eyes meet his and it's like the entire world caves in.

His hazel eyes hold your own and you can't stop the racing images in your mind, they're all so vivid. You remember the first time you met him, how you two became so quickly entangled in one another without even noticing. Your feelings for him had encroached on you so subtly, that you didn't even realize how deeply and richly you loved him until you said goodbye.

You'll never be able to erase that moment from your mind. The day you told him you accepted the Intelligence Director job in Cleveland, and that you were transferring. Tears had been running down his cheeks, and you tried to console and comfort him, but there was nothing you could do, the damage had been done. And not a day has gone by that you didn't think of him.

Now that you're face to face with him again, it's like the poorly-repaired crack in your heart has been reopened. You want nothing more than to reach out and feel his soft skin under your fingertips one more time. Though you were the one who broke things off, you mourned the lost relationship with him. Things with him just fell into place, the two of you brought out the best in each other.

But now, looking into his eyes, you notice the spark behind them is gone and only a dull light remains. Your mouth falls open like you're going to say something, but he looks away before your mind can come up with anything to say. Not that he has to listen to anything you say, you understand if he wants nothing to do with you this entire trip.

Truthfully, you were surprised Morgan had welcomed you back so warmly. You knew that by leaving Quantico, and also the love of your life, that you had hurt the team. The team is so intimately woven together, that your departure had left a bad taste in their mouths. Of course some were more understanding, but there were also those who took it more personally. And you can't blame them, after all you broke the heart of the most caring, tender soul in the world.

Realizing you're staring at the side of his face, you tear your gaze away from him and your mind forces you to relive one of your most regrettable moments.

-----

"I took the job in Cleveland. I leave in two days." The words tumble out of your mouth as the elevator door dings and opens to the main lobby. You had tried to find the right time to tell him, but the clock was ticking and time was running out. The hand intertwined with yours drops as the two of you step out into the lobby.

"What?" He says with clear exasperation and disbelief. You had mentioned four months ago that you were interested in the job, and he had encouraged you to at least apply. But that was before you two had become so deeply involved in one another.

"They called me the other night and said they would love to have me as soon as possible. I applied months ago and I didn't think they'd actually consider me for the position." You try to explain to him that you didn't do this after you had grown close. He shakes his head, and you see wetness gather in his lash line.

"So that's it then? You're just going to leave?" His voice cracks, and your heart shatters into a million pieces.

A single tear drips from your face and lands on the floor. The love of your life walks away from you and you don't know if you'll ever see him again.

-----

The plane lands and everyone grabs their belongings before filing out. You intentionally take a longer time to gather the few belongings you had brought along, and you're careful to make sure he's out of the plane before you leave.

You hang back from the team while they all get ready to head to the hotel to check in before going to the crime scene. They're all discussing their theories about the unsub and you listen in, but make no move to interject like you used to. Instead, you silently get into the SUV and keep your gaze focused on the moving landscape.

Once everyone is at the hotel and checked into their rooms, you let yourself drop the façade. The door behind you shuts and you slide down until you're sitting on the floor, the ache in your chest making it feel as if you can't catch your breath. You knew this was going to be hard, but you never thought it would feel this suffocating. It seems that while the world and the team had moved on, you remain stuck in the memory of what used to be. And you're not sure if you'll ever be able to truly move on. You're not sure if you want to move on.

A knock on your door forces you to stand back on your feet, and you hurriedly throw your things on the bed before returning and answering the door. Morgan stands on the other side, leaning against the doorframe. He smiles softly as he meets your eye and you're quick to put your front back up with a smile.

"Are we ready?" You ask and he nods. You follow him without another word, tucking the keycard into the pocket of your jacket.

"You know you don't have to act like an outsider, it's just us." He tries to soothe your obvious discomfort.

"It feels like I'm an outsider." You admit to him and he stops walking as he continues the conversation.

"None of us blame you for taking the job, it was good for your career. And whatever happened between you and Reid, it was two years ago." He says like the time makes things easier to handle, when in fact, the time just made your heart grow heavy with loss. You avert your eyes from him and nod, starting to walk back down the hall to avoid continuing this conversation.

Once you all had arrived to the scene, you hung around the back. You weren't really needed here, but the team likes to have you here so that you can be up to date with all the information they have. Once their assessment of the scene is complete, that's when you'll go back to the police station where you'll set up your work space for the remainder of the case.

The team and the local police discuss what's been found so far. There was a young male found deceased, gun in his hand with an apparent self-inflicted gunshot. However, there were a few details that suggested that this was not a suicide. The angle at which the bullet entered the victim's head was inconsistent with suicide, and the gun wasn't laying in the manner it should have given the bullet's trajectory. The victim's phone had gone missing in this area as well, but nobody's been able to recover it yet; maybe the unsub took it with them.

The behavioral analysts comb over the scene with intense precision, and you begin looking at things from a different perspective. Your mind begins constructing several theories about where the gun came from, what significance this place has, and where the victim's phone is. As your mind races, your hand scribbles messy notes so you don't lose your train of thought.

Feeling as if someone's looking at you, your gaze turns from your sloppy notes to look around. From the other side of the crime scene, those familiar hazel eyes look into your own, as if they can see into your soul. As soon as your eyes meet, he's turning away and back to the scene, where he points something out to Hotch and then goes on a tangent about the history of something.

You try your best to listen in, needing to hear his honeyed voice. In the two years you had been gone, your mind had failed you and forgot how sweet he sounds. From the distance between you, your ears only pick up bits and pieces and nothing quite makes sense because you miss so much information. But you were never listening for the content anyways.

You finish your evaluation quicker than the rest and so you take out your phone and try to do some preliminary searches. Within a minute you find the victim's social medias and begin combing through them in search of people regularly interacted with, patterns of life, and anything else that might stand out. With your notepad balanced unevenly on a tree trunk, you try to scribble down names to follow up on when a voice from behind you startles you from concentration.

"The rest of us are going to stay here for a while, but you and some others can head to the police station and get started." Hotch dismisses you from the scene and you nod, heading towards the car while still jotting down notes, not bothering to see who else is joining you.

Once your mind starts going on a case it's hard for it to stop, which is both a strength and a flaw. By the time you join the local law enforcement in their car, you're on a mental fast track. The notes you write are indecipherable to everyone but yourself but it all makes sense to you, and that's all that matters.

"So what all do you need?" The local police officer asks from the drivers seat. Your gaze shifts from the paper to the rearview mirror, where the older man is looking back at you with curiosity in his eyes.

"Not a lot. I'll need a computer, access to records, and some warrant forms to get started." Your answer is almost automated from having to answer it time and time again over the years. However, as you go to finish your notes, you notice someone in the passenger seat and your breath catches in your throat. How had you not noticed he was sitting less than two feet away?

The rest of your notes don't get finished. Instead, you're transfixed on the man in front of you. His familiar smell is almost enough to bring you to tears, he still smells like home. You remember spending nights in his apartment in the fall time, huddled under blankets that smelled like him. A comforting scent that let you know that you were safe, you were exactly where you were meant to be.

The police are quick to accommodate your needs and you thank them politely, but your mind is anywhere but where it should be. Instead of uncovering important intelligence for the case, your mind is preoccupied with the man in front of you. As the police set up a temporary workspace for you, Spencer stands right in front of you, but facing away, scanning over images from the crime scene. You know he's got the images committed to memory by now, he's just doing that to avoid you, and so you take the hint.

"Here you are ma'am." The officers show you to your workspace, and you fight back the urge to protest their use of "ma'am". It always made you feel old.

"It's Director, actually." Spencer corrects the officer, and your lips part slightly. Before you can say anything to him, he's already turned back around to study the photos.

"My apologies, here's your workstation, Director. Let me know if there's anything else I can do to assist." The officer then excuses himself. The tension between you and your former lover is thick, but you know that you're not likely to get him alone like this again, and so you force yourself to take advantage of the situation.

"Thank you." Your voice is soft and you bite the skin on your lower lip, a bad nervous habit he once told you. He places the photos on the desk and turns to face you.

"Of course." Is all he says before getting started on his duties. You should've known he was going to be here like this, it's how most cases with the team went. You worry that your preoccupation is going to hinder your investigation, but at the same time you're just thankful to see him again, even if he never says another word to you.

-----

Later in the day, the rest of the team joins you two in the police department to catch everyone up on the information uncovered. The behavioral analysts have deduced that the unsub might be a woman, and you make note of that. Truthfully, your preliminary searches have not been as fruitful as they typically are, and you know everyone notices.

"I'm going to keep going though. I know there's something out there." You say as you admit to them you don't have any solid leads yet, a first for you. You don't miss the pitiful smiles people throw your way, and you bite your tongue to make sure you don't say anything out of line.

The rest of the day you search tirelessly for leads and before you know it, it's dark outside and everyone is gone. Without prying eyes, your shoulders slouch and you cradle your head in your hands. Your eyes burn from staring at the screen, and your list of leads is still too small for your liking. There's still a lot of work to be done.

The frustration with yourself grows and you almost resent your superior for sending you back here. He said that you were requested by name, and that there was no reason for you not to come. Though you could give him a reason, you're sure he would've just told you to grow up. On your way here you convinced yourself that you could do this job quickly but now that you're here, it's apparent that your distraction is going to be an obstacle to overcome. When lives are on the line, it's dangerous to have an obstacle that impairs your work.

But once the quietness of the police station settles in your mind, you find the will to keep working. Maybe without him being here you can actually get some work done. So that's exactly what you do, you work through the night and are thankfully able to come up with some solid bits of information that you think will be beneficial for the behavioral analysts to know.

Information is meticulously placed in an easy to read briefing document, which you print out and staple for everyone, just like you used to. Perhaps if you conduct this just like your other jobs, you'll start to feel more at home and comfortable.

-----

A hand on your shoulder startles you awake, and your eyes blink wildly to try and acclimate yourself with the bright light that's now infiltrating the station windows.

"Did you stay here all night?" Hotch's voice causes your head to swivel to the front door of the station and you rub your eyes, realizing that you did in fact end up staying here all night. You try to downplay this and dodge his question, gathering the briefing documents you had put together and passing them out to the team.

"This is what I found out, there are still more leads to follow, but I think I'm onto some good things here. One person of interest stands out, and that's a girl he recently started interacting with. From what I can tell without getting into his profiles, they started interacting about a month ago, and it appears they were very in love with each other. But she's got some literal skeletons in her closet. Three years ago one of her boyfriends was found dead in an apparent suicide." You conclude your briefing with the most pertinent information. They can read through the rest themselves. You cover your mouth as you yawn, and stretch out the tense muscles in your neck. The agents read over everything and while they read, you turn the computer back on and prepare to do some more investigating.

"Take a break, you were here all night." Morgan speaks up this time, causing almost everyone's eyes to land on you. Every time you blink your eyes feel like they're being scrubbed with sandpaper, but you can't afford to take a break.

"I'll be fine." You offer him a smile, but it doesn't take a professional profiler to see right through it. Nobody says anything else, so you start going down more rabbit holes to uncover more leads about who the unsub might be.

As the agents go to interview people, it's just you and Spencer left at the station. He's taking care of the geographical profile for this case, like he usually does. The two of you work quietly, but you notice that you can't help but look over at him every few minutes with longing and fondness thick in your heart.

Today he's wearing a button up pushed to his elbows with a simple tie, and it shouldn't make you feel any sort of way, but it brings you back to your first day at the BAU. You remember in great detail seeing him for the first time, he was wearing something similar and you had convinced yourself that he despised you because he would never directly interact with you. After a while you had figured out that he was just unsure of how to approach you, he said that he felt flustered around you. But being paired together on cases helped break the ice, and without even realizing it, you had fallen head over heels in love with him. And you had never fallen out of love, not for one second.

Your eyes travel from his shirt to his hair, his chocolate curls still as soft as you remember them. Flashes of late weekend nights pop into your mind and you remember how he'd fall asleep with his head in your lap as you raked your fingers through his hair, lulling him to sleep. Then there were the mornings where his hair would be sticking up in random places from how restless he was the night before, and how you fought hard to tame the curls, but were never completely successful.

The coffee cup on the desk next to him catches your eye and you wish you had a strong cup right about now. When the two of you used to work together, you would take turns bringing the coffee. He always liked his with enough sugar to put anyone into a diabetic coma and he always perfectly made your latte every time. He had it down to a science. It's the simple things you miss the most about him, about your time shared with him.

No matter how much time or distance that was put between the two of you, you know that you have no choice but to love him. You love him still, with just as much passion as you did two years ago when you left, and you know there's not a single thing on this Earth that you wouldn't still do for him.

You're not sure if it's the exhaustion finally getting to you or what, but you find that you can't be in the same room as him any longer, suffocating from bittersweet memories. Abruptly, you stand from your seat and make your way to the station's bathroom, catching a glimpse of him as you pass and you feel the sob bubbling up in your throat.

As soon as the bathroom door is closed, the tears you had worked away from the plane, from the hotel, and from the crime scene come sliding down your face. Memories you thought were just painful are now harmful, evident by the deep ache that's taken residence in your chest. You tightly grip the sink in the bathroom and try to get a hold of yourself.

You make eye contact with yourself in the mirror and see dark circles under your bloodshot eyes. Tears gently fall from your lashes down your cheeks, but you make no move to wipe them away. As you stare down your reflection, you're forced to reckon with yourself, to confront what you've been running from for two years.

This is just the physical manifestation of how you've felt inside since you stepped off that elevator a couple years ago. Broken, in disrepair, suffering.

A knock on the door interrupts your meltdown and you clear your throat before wiping away the tears. Before you walk out you try your best to conceal that you've been crying, but you already know it's a lost cause. You're just thankful the rest of the team is out working the case so they can't be witness to just how pathetic you've become.

"Director, are you okay?" The officer from yesterday is waiting for you on the other side of the door. With a final breath, you open the door and plaster a smile on your face, seeing the look of concern he's giving you.

"I'm just fine, thank you." The crack in your voice contradicts your words and you keep your head down as you return to your desk and prepare to bury yourself in work for the remainder of the day. As you walk by, you can just barely see Spencer's head turn to watch you walk by, but you can't bring yourself to look back.

-----

Hours later, the agents are returning from their field work and you've prepared more information for them. You took a deep dive into the girl of interest, the one you highlighted in the briefing, and found that she has had several relationships in the past few months. All of which ended badly, according to social media posts.

"One post in particular claims that she showed up at a previous boyfriend's house with a gun because she was convinced he had another girl over. I've been able to establish a pattern of erratic behavior from her, backed up by a few restraining orders." You yawn as you finish explaining the newly found information. The lack of sleep is most definitely catching up to you but you know you're so close to finishing this case; why stop working now?

The mission-driven part of your brain makes you sit back down to find more evidence of the girl's psychotic behavior, but before you can resume a hand reaches over and shuts the computer off.

"No. You've done more than enough. Go to the hotel." Hotch orders you with a warning look that tells you not to fight him on this. If your eyes didn't feel like a desert, you might have argued back but the thought of fresh hotel sheets, a warm shower, and a moment of rest is too appealing. Perhaps you had overworked yourself.

Relenting, you nod and gather your things while the rest of the team continues discussing the case. You're sure if there are any major developments that they'll contact you, so you don't worry about missing anything major. After all, the case seems like it's coming to a quick close. Which is odd, this case has been strangely easy and straightforward. Why would they call in an intelligence director for this?

The question floats around your head as you catch a taxi back to the hotel. As you shower, you try to come up with anything that makes sense. There are tons of FBI intelligence analysts in Quantico, but your supervisor said that you had been requested by name. This case wasn't particularly daunting, so why didn't they give the assignment to a junior analyst? Why would they specifically ask for you? It just doesn't make sense, there's no logic to it; and you don't like things that aren't logical.

After your shower, you flop onto the crisp hotel sheets with a huff. Your mind is still reeling with the question of why as you drift off into a restless sleep.

-----

"Would you like to come over and watch the movie? I rented it because I just finished the book. And I know the books are always better but I can't help it, I'm curious." You stop yourself from rambling too much, and look up at your coworker with butterflies in your tummy and stars in your eyes. His hazel eyes look back down at you, crinkling in the corners as he smiles.

"You're probably right, the books are always better. But, um, yeah, sure I'd love to watch it with you." Faint redness brushes his cheeks as he stumbles over his words, which you've noticed he only does when he's nervous. It's endearing, you think.

"Great, um, come over at 6?" You ask him, nervously biting at the skin on your bottom lip.

"You know chewing on your lips like that is a bad habit, in severe cases it can lead to the development of fibromas. And yes, I'll be there at six. Is there anything I should bring?" As he finishes his sentence you immediately stop biting at the sensitive skin, making a mental promise to try and break the habit. With a shake of your head, you smile back at him,

"Just bring yourself, that's more than enough." The blush on his cheeks grows redder and you turn on your heel, leaving the office for the evening, giddy with excitement of finally gaining the courage to ask Spencer to hang out after work. You had wanted to get to know him better outside of work, but you had never felt comfortable enough to do it until now.

Later that night, he knocks on your door at six sharp. You practically trip over your own feet as you go to the door, in a frenzy to make sure your clothes are straightened out and your hair is in place. Before you greet him, you take a second to gain your composure.

Spencer is standing on the other side, with a bag of M&Ms in his hand. A sheepish smile adorns his perfectly structured face and you let him in.

"I know you said not to bring anything, but I know these are your favorite." He hands the bag to you and you thank him. A man had never taken enough interest in you to get to know what you like and don't like. But Spencer is different, and you knew that from the moment you met.

"Thank you." A wave of confidence comes over you, and you lean up and place a soft kiss on his cheek.

-----

You awake with a heavy, raw feeling in your stomach and you reach for your phone to check the time. It's eleven at night, and nobody from the team had tried to reach you since you left the station earlier in the morning. Setting the phone beside you, you get out of the bed and decide to talk a walk. There's no chance that you're getting back to sleep after that dream. The dreams about Spencer had stopped about a year ago, and it made life manageable; but now that they're back, and he's right here, just out of reach, it's like you forgot how to function.

Tucking the keycard into your pocket, you step out of the room and quietly shut the door. You're not sure where you're even headed, but anywhere but inside that small room is good enough. As you make your way into the elevator, you rub the grogginess from your eyes. They're still sensitive from the improper rest and tears, but it's the least painful thing you're dealing with.

The elevator doors open at the lobby and you can hear that the hotel's bar is alive with energy. What better way to drown your sorrows? Your feet carry you to the bar and you take a seat at the end, ordering something strong from the bartender. With an unsteady hand, you swirl the liquid around in the glass as someone takes a seat next to you.

"Didn't think I'd see you here." Derek's voice is smooth as usual. Looking up from your coping mechanism, you give him the best smile you can produce. His eyes dart from your face to your hand and he frowns.

"Any developments?" You change the topic of conversation immediately, taking a large swig. He nods his head,

"We got her. The information you found was enough to secure the warrant." He says and for the first time working this case, you feel happy. Catching an unsub before they can hurt anyone else always brought you great satisfaction.

"Good. That's great, glad I could help." You say and finish off your drink, gesturing to the bartender for another.

"The rest of us are over there, come join us. It'll be like old times." He leans up against the bar with a bottle in his hand. The bartender hands you another and you consider it.

"We both know it won't be like old times." Your voice trails off and you stare back into your glass, wanting to look anywhere but at Derek. His plants his hand on your arm, strong enough to pull your attention back to him and behind him you can see the rest of the team taking their seats. You spot Spencer taking a seat next to Emily, remembering how it used to be you that he sat by.

"Stop making excuses. After this who know when we'll see you again? Come on, we've all missed you." Derek has always had a way of getting to your soft spot, and it's almost impossible to say no. Your teeth find their way to the damaged skin on your lip and you look between him and the crowd of your former team, celebrating the arrest.

"Fine. But only if you answer something for me." You make a deal and take another drink.

"Sure." He agrees.

"Who requested me to be assigned to this case?" The question still hadn't left your mind. Derek's expression is unreadable, and he looks over to his colleagues.

"It was Hotch." It's not the answer you were hoping for, but you nod. Deep down you know you wished it was Spencer who had recommended you.

"Why? There are so many good analysts in Quantico." You take another drink, waiting for his reasoning.

"There are good analysts, but none of them are you. Look, Hotch misses you a lot. We haven't been able to fill your position since you left, because none of them can live up to you. The team hasn't been the same without you." His words sting, and you feel even more remorse about your decision. You should've never taken the job. Your shoulder sag in defeat.

"I wish I never left." You confide in him, trusting him enough to open up. He puts a comforting hand on your shoulder and gives a reassuring squeeze.

"Well, you didn't hear it from me, but I think Hotch wants to talk to you before you go back to Cleveland." His words ignite a spark of hope inside you. For the first time since you started the case, you perk up.

"Are you serious?" You can barely believe his words. After everything that happened, you were sure they'd never want you back permanently. You were keenly aware of how protective everyone was over Spencer, and when you broke his heart, you were sure that was the last straw. But maybe things can be salvaged, just maybe.

"Okay I gave you an answer, now come on." He drops the conversation and smiles, leading you over to the table, trying your absolute best to appear happy and not like every single emotion is running through your mind all at once.

"There she is! Our wonder girl!" Hotch's voice greets you as he pulls you in for a hug. You can't help but to smile, his embrace and nickname feeling familiar and comforting. Hotch had taken you under his wing from day one, and you're forever grateful for him.

"Is there an empty seat?" You ask and he nods, gesturing towards the one on the other side of Spencer. The smile on your face falters, but you don't want to make things weird for the whole team, so instead of making a deal out of it you decide to suffer in silence and take the seat.

Maybe a little part of you will enjoy being so close to him. Maybe you can find just a shred of comfort from his proximity. You don't miss the way his shoulders tense as you jump up into the tall stool and you take another drink quickly. The team goes on and on about the case and how the girl was insisting she was innocent while you spin your glass around on the table, mulling over Derek's words.

"This round's on me." Spencer's voice breaks you out of your trance and you look over at him, seeing his wallet opening. Your heart drops to your stomach when you see a polaroid still tucked inside the opening meant for a driver's license. You suck in a sharp breath as if it had just slapped you across the face.

You had almost forgotten about the photo, a moment frozen in time. The two of you smile widely, squinting from the flash. Your arms wrapped around his neck and one of his arms circling your waist as he took the picture. It was the first, and only, Christmas you had spent with each other, neither of you having families to spend the holiday with. The two of you had made it a point to make the other feel special. You had gotten him a new series of books he had mentioned and he got you a pair of rose quartz earrings. It didn't take you long to realize why he had chosen rose quartz.

Hearing your breath, he looks over and sees your eyes trained on the photo. You tear your eyes from the photo up to him, your heartbeat echoing in your ears. How can he be so close, yet so far? Your lips fall open as your brain tries to find the right words, but you come up short. While the others go to get another round of drinks, the two are you are stuck staring at each other, transfixed.

"Spencer." You finally breathe out, eyes scanning his face for any indication of how he's feeling. Butterflies erupt in your tummy. His eyes look deep into yours and you wonder if he can see it, the way your eyes shine with only the deepest love for him. You feel tears well in your lash line, and you don't even care, all you want to do is reach out for him, to feel his arms around you, to have him back.

In that moment, you know you would get down on your knees in the hotel bar and publicly beg for his forgiveness if that's what it took to have him back. To lament about how you wish you had never left him. Confess how every single day you've longed for his touch, his love, and how you know you're undeserving of him. That no matter how many minutes have passed, your heart belongs to him and only him until the end of time.

"Why don't we take a walk?" He finally answers and you nod your head immediately. You jump down from the stool and follow behind him outside the hotel where a light drizzle of rain had started.

He walks a few paces ahead of you, hands tucked into the pockets of his pants until he reaches a lone light post that's illuminating the raindrops. He turns to face you, the golden light reflecting off his smooth skin and you can see how his eyes dance over your face. It feels like hours pass before he says anything.

"How's Cleveland treating you?" It's not at all what you're expecting and it takes you a few moments to process the question.

"Cleveland is...well, truthfully, I hate it there." You decide to completely come clean to him. The raindrops begin clinging to the ends of his hair, magnifying the rich warm hues.

"Sounds like you're doing some pretty good things up there. Hotch has been keeping us updated." He says, kicking around loose pebbles on the sidewalk as he speaks. The tension is reminiscent of your first few interactions with him, and you kick yourself for ever letting him go.

"I'm just doing my job. But I hear Quantico needs a lead analyst." I bring up the topic, just to see his reaction. If he gives any indication that he doesn't want me to come back, I'll turn Hotch down without a second thought. Spencer lifts his gaze back up to you and nods.

"We've been looking for one for a while." A gust of wind makes you shiver from the wetness of your skin.

"Derek told me Hotch is going to ask me to come back." You blurt out, not wanting to beat around the bush any longer.

"They told me." He answers, looking away from you once more. You lick your lips and ask the question that will determine your decision.

"Do you want me back?" The question is loaded, and he knows that too. He stops kicking around the pebbles and just stares down at the sidewalk. When he lifts his head, your wide eyes meet his.

"Do you want to come back?" He answers your question with another.

"More than anything. I've wanted to come back since the first day I left." You confess to him, taking a step forward. Before he can say anything else, you force yourself to say everything you've been feeling over the past few days, knowing that if you don't do it now that you might regret never saying it.

"I should have never left. That job was never worth giving up what we had. I was stupid, I was a damn fool for letting you go. You're all I've thought about every single day, my heart and soul are fractured without you. But I don't expect you to forgive me, I'm not worthy of your forgiveness. And if you don't want me back I'll tell Hotch that I can't take the position." The rain had picked up as you poured your heart out to the man you love.

You watch as he takes his hands out of his pockets and takes a step towards you.

"I've hoped that you would come back every day. I waited for you to walk through the office doors day after day. And I'm sorry for just walking away, I didn't know what to do, the thought of you not being here anymore was too much. I shouldn't have just walked away." You hear his voice start to tremble, and you can't help but to close the distance between the two of you.

You wrap your arms around his neck and his arms wrap around your waist, holding you tight against his body. Tears fall from your eyes onto his shirt, and after what feels like an eternity, he pushes you back slightly, tipping your chin up so that you're forced to look into his eyes. His lips are parted, and he leans in and presses a sweet, tender kiss to yours.

Your hands grasp the sides of his face, as if he would suddenly disappear if you let go. He clutches you with just as much passion, the two of you pressed together as you express everything you have felt over the last two years without one another. The pain, the longing, the love. Spencer breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against yours.

In the soft amber glow of the streetlamp you can see it clearly, just how your love shines for one another.

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