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cripplecharacters · 2 years

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I'm writing a fantasy story and my main character has a chronic pain disorder, specifically CRPS, and he's had it for the past six years. The technology available is something circa 1910, which means (as far as my research has told me, please fo correct me if I'm wrong) the most likely treatment would be morphine or heroin. I want to avoid the harmful stereotype of people with chronic pain being drug addicts, but I also know both of these substances were and are highly addictive. What should I do? Any other advice for writing this character? Any advice I can get is welcome.

Hello! I think this is a very important question and I'm so glad you asked!

I'm not personally familiar with early 20th century medicine so I'm also open to correction, but I'll answer this using my knowledge of modern-day addictive painkillers and under the assumption that the medications you've identified in your research are appropriate for the context.

This is ultimately going to be more of a discussion on addictive medications, the way we understand them as a society, and the way they impact disabled people who do or don't take them, but I hope it gives you a baseline to start thinking about what you're comfortable depicting and some appropriate ways to do so.

I don't believe that a substance being addictive is by itself reason to not have a character use it for pain relief. There is, as you've identified, huge stigma against disabled people who rely on strong painkillers in their everyday life, which has direct impacts on how we're perceived by medical professionals and society. However, at the end of the day, most of us don't have much of a choice but to use what works and what's available, and sometimes that just happens to be an addictive substance. I don't think you need to automatically shy away from depicting any disabled characters using addictive medications and I don't think these portrayals are automatically harmful, but it does require thinking through the socio-cultural associations tied to heavy medication use.

Your character is probably not going to choose to be in pain all the time if they can reasonably avoid it, not only because pain, well, hurts, but also because constant pain has devastating long-term psychological impacts when left unmanaged. That's not to say that addiction to necessary medication is a non-issue, as it can cause problems if your body stops responding to it over time as your tolerance adjusts and you need to be taken off of it and switched to a new medication. Withdrawal is a very real and horrible experience--but so is severe chronic pain.

Sometimes there's no solution to our pain that's not going to create a different kind of pain. It comes down to weighing the risks and deciding for ourselves what we're able and willing to deal with. We know what we need, and sometimes that's going to lead to addiction. Sometimes addiction is objectively better than the alternative.

Yes, some of us will choose not to take certain medications because we've decided that we don't want to deal with the side-effects or the risks of long-term addictions we can expect withdrawal from. This is our prerogative, and shouldn't be used as a reason to deny this same medication to others who do need and want it. People who refuse addictive medications are not morally superior to those who take them, and vice versa. Different people benefit from different treatments based on their personal circumstances, and that includes access to medical and personal support systems as well as the severity of our chronic pain. A disabled character who refuses these medications should not be portrayed as more virtuous or "clean" by virtue of not taking them and should not think of themselves as superior to other disabled characters who do take addictive medications. They shouldn't be considered a "good disabled person" (as opposed to the "bad disabled people" with addictions) by abled characters in a way that is never challenged by the narrative.

Many doctors don't take patient comfort into account when switching medications around and changing dosages, which can cause people to go through unnecessarily severe withdrawal largely unsupported, or they'll sometimes refuse to prescribe a particular medication until all other options are exhausted for fear of a patient developing an addiction. Both are just different ways that disabled people and people with addictions alike are stripped of bodily autonomy and deemed incapable of understanding what we need. If you want to portray these sorts of doctor-patient interactions in your writing, I would very strongly advise paying a physically disabled sensitivity reader to give you personalized feedback and make sure you're on the right track and not reinforcing damaging ideology.

If you decide to touch on the nitty-gritty of addiction to painkillers in your story, including side-effects and withdrawal, I would just encourage you to treat this character humanely, and remember that having an addiction doesn't negate all the positive and human aspects of someone's life and personality. Keep in mind that addiction exists to treat something that the character has no control over. Addictions aren't evil, and in treating chronic pain they're often necessary.

I'd like to leave you and all other writers with the reminder that there's nothing fundamentally wrong with having an addiction on its own or portraying a disabled character with an addiction, but we're taught to believe that having one is an indication of moral or personal failure. Painkiller usage for disabled people is necessary and lifesaving, with or without subsequent addiction, and it's not appropriate for abled people to judge us for it. I see lots of solidarity between disabled people and people with addictions and hate to see people pose our needs as somehow at odds with one another.

My suggestion would be to treat this character's medications the same way as you would treat any other, and if someone gives this character grief in the story for their medication use, you can have them respond decisively that the alternative is worse. You could potentially scrap the societal stigma against addictions entirely and just have your characters accept the medication for what it is: a medical treatment used to manage pain that comes with some downsides, like many other common medications. You can incorporate the side-effects of the medication and, if relevant, withdrawal, into your character's life if you're aiming for a direct equivalency to real-world morphine and heroin--but you should still have this character and others recognize (either immediately or gradually) that it's preferable to unmanaged pain and not see his painkiller use as an inherently bad thing.

As always, this is ask open for input from others with chronic pain and/or lived experience with addiction to prescription medication(s).

-Mod Faelan

#mod faelan #medication use #anonymous #chronic pain representation

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life-through-my-eyess · 1 year

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Hello there :), you as prime minister would definitely be a cultural reset, a power move the world ain’t ready for!

I bet you’re more smooth than you give yourself credit for, see flirtatious eyes and pretending to fall, you ain’t fooling nobody haha. Also if midnight dances with a cute girl in the rain would feel like heaven, don’t get me started on snowball fighting with a cute girl during Christmas.

I deeply relate to you regarding hiding this part of ourselves, if I had to take a guess on why, I would say it’s a combo of protecting my vulnerable self and a society effect. Our everyday life connections usually feel superficial, it’s hard getting to really know somebody, we’re always running and busy with everything and nothing, don’t get me wrong we meet beautiful souls and great friends along the way, but really knowing these human beings takes a long time and I don’t know if we’re truly capable of letting go and let somebody know 100% of us, I hope we are.

I love your positivity and I couldn’t agree more, I think we need to be more kind to one another. Life is funny, life is weird, life is painful, life is beautiful and i also don’t know what life is haha. We really don’t know nothing about this world, I have no idea what we’re doing and what our purpose it’s supposed to be.

Omggg yesss pleaseee take me with you!!Lets runaway and write a bunch of books, we can write all genres, self help, crime, romance, thriller, poems, whatever! You really have no idea how these words warm my heart ahaha sometimes I think about it, like in another world I would be somewhere in the woods writing, in another I would have a coffee shop in a small town. What about you? What are you doing in another world?

Well, whatever place your words come from, I believe that are a lot of people out there that need to ear it, although some aren’t ready for it yet. The world is better place because you’re on it 💕

I also love staying in touch with nature, I love going for walks just to get fresh air, with music or no music it really depends on the mood, it’s lovely either way. I’m drinking my water haha thank you, hope you too. I didn’t see a lot of flowers today, but it was pouring raining and I decided to go for a run in the middle of it haha, it was quite the experience but it brought me peace and it reminded me of you.

I hope you get to eat some chocolate, because well it’s pretty self explanatory, chocolate’s amazing and I really hope you aren’t one of those sociopath people who hate it haha. Stay well :)

Hey anon 👋, hahaha yeeeeees 👏🙈

Ha ha whaaaat? O.o nooooo, Oh shit bloody nuts your on to my game 😅😂. Oh my gosh, yeeeessss. Snow ball fights.

I agree with you, people have been brought up differently and it’s so hard to break the cycle of the shit you’ve seen and been put through. It’s a challenge on its own. I think we hide things about ourselves as we feel ashamed. People either leave before you know them or just don’t want to get close so they don’t get hurt.

Yeah life is funny and weird as non of us actually asked to be here, if you ask me I think that’s hella rude. But seriously, life is just so fully of life, it’s filled with such amazing things. How things are growing so quickly and how far we have come. I believe we find our own purpose, our own happiness, our life is ours and nobody can take that away from us. It’s in our hands and we have to take control of it. We might get lost as things will get in the way but we can either destroy ourselves or make it the best life. Humans are masters of destroying their own minds and lives. We have to look a lot deeper than just see things that are there. Instead of seeing an object, look deeper into it. Without the rain and sun we wouldn’t have a rainbow, there is just so much more to life than just work and living. But life can be suffocating but it’s not life itself it’s the things around it that are causing you the suffocation and damaging you. We pick our destination so make it a fucking good one.

Right I’ll be waiting outside with my bicycle lol, I have a spare helmet ?? 🙈. Your world sounds hella fucking peaceful, it sounds so warm and made me feel like I’d be comfortable and at home. I hope you escape to your world when things get tough. My world?? My world is crazy ahaha. One version is, having a restaurant/spa/coffee place as I’d cook food for everyone and watching them eat my food as they smile into the bite they took. My place would be in some woods but on a high hill with a beautiful sparkly Diamond like waterfall. The best sunsets and sunrises as we are high up with the best view. Spa to help relax and the coffee show to see people come together, drink my hot drink as they sink into their chairs and holder the mug a littler tighter. Listening to their problems, gathering the darkness and letting it go as the sun goes down and the darkness burns in the sunlight. The most memorising, spectacular sky’s, the moon and stars. Filling my soul and making me feel light, as if I can fly with no worries. The smell of wood burning, the light restoring the light inside my soul. Taking peoples darkness and turning it into hope. A place where there are no judgments nor expectations. Filled with love and kindness.

That is so kind, you’re so freaking kind thank you for your words. You’re a positive human being and awesome no lie. I hope that light never dies inside of your soul and that it keeps burning 💕.

There won’t be much flowers as the leafs are falling. It’s still freaking amazing. Did you do well on your run? That’s so sweet 🙈. Did you feel the rain or just get wet? I’m glad the rain brought you peace, peace is good for the soul.

Chocolate is amazing, tastes hella good 😍. Who can hate chocolate??? I actually don’t eat chocolate because I can’t stop if I do. I have to have a mini fight with myself inside my mind tell me to stop 😅😂. I hope you’ve been well and that things have been good for you.

Also, if all you did was breath and do nothing, that’s enough and I’m proud of you. Sometimes getting through the day is an achievement within itself.

#positive anon is back #kind #chocolate loving anon #😉#ask me stuff #send anons #girl who loves girls #lesbian #advice blog #gwlg #gay blog #girlwholikesgirls #be positive

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ophidahlia · 2 years

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Like a lot of people, I feel like a different person after the pandemic and not for the better, but maybe in a different way than many folks, I dunno.

The pandemic itself wasn't really a source of stress for me, being disabled and chronically ill with multiple comorbidities it actually felt like the rest of the world kinda shifted to my everyday reality; don't misunderstand me I still very much felt empathy and concern for everyone and angry at how the pandemic was mishandled, it's just that it felt like a situation I was already familiar with and it didn't really change my everyday life very much. A lot of chronically ill people felt this way; it felt bizarrely normal.

However, I was one of the many many people stuck in a toxic domestic situation during lockdown, there was a secondary epidemic of domestic violence within the covid pandemic as people were stuck inside with their abusers and those abusers often increased the severity & frequency of mistreatment by taking out their pandemic-related stress & anxiety on their victims. I'd like to see more focus on long-term effects on folks in my situation, especially disabled, poor & inadequately housed, or chronically ill/ immunocompromised individuals who were most especially isolated & vulnerable. I'm a power wheelchair user with a chronic illness and poverty-level finances, and all that played a major role in the DV. It's very hard to leave when you can't physically enter most rental units and the ones that are accessible are above your budget, but the pandemic, lockdown, & related housing shortage made it downright impossible to leave an abusive situation. It's a very common story.

At my best I was really outgoing before all this and making new friends was easy; I was that annoying perky rando who strikes up small talk with strangers in the elevator; on my good days I was high-energy, enthusiastic, engaged with a lot of different interests, and was very goal and growth oriented. Now my illness is more severe than before because of the effects of the stress; my pain & my health are worse, my functionality is lower, I don't really talk to friends anymore (I miss them but trying to reach out triggers my PTSD from the DV) or socialize, engaging in things I enjoy at home is very hard, as is working on my goals or even just going outside to the park down the street. I'm in therapy for it, but I lost a big part of myself in the pandemic and I'm not sure how to get it back. I think there's many people who had a similar experience to me and many of us never stopped quietly isolating ourselves because our subjective experience of the world got just so much more hostile and dangerous a and the dysfunctional social climate of the pandemic seems like its formed the backdrop of our new normal, so it's kind of this big invisible psychic wound across a large portion of society that I don't think we've collectively acknowledged much less began to address.

#Covid #domestic violence #Domestic abuse #Pandemic #Ptsd

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sex-ionary · 11 months

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101 Guide for Self Pleasure

In today’s society, the topic of masturbation and self-pleasure is often shrouded in shame and secrecy. But the truth is, there are many reasons why self-pleasure is important and can provide numerous psychological and physical benefits.

Masturbation is a completely natural and normal part of human sexuality. It allows us to explore our bodies and our desires, and can even help us better understand our sexual preferences and needs.

Psychologically, self-pleasure can provide a sense of relaxation and stress relief. Many people find that taking some time to pleasure themselves can help them unwind and let go of the tensions of everyday life. It can also help boost self-confidence and self-esteem, as it allows us to feel more in control of our own sexual experiences.

Physically, masturbation can have many benefits as well. It can help relieve menstrual cramps and other forms of physical discomfort, and can even improve sleep quality. Additionally, regular masturbation can help improve sexual function and performance, and can even reduce the risk of certain sexual health issues.

So, what exactly does masturbation consist of? For many people, it involves using their hands to stimulate their genitals, but there are many other ways to pleasure oneself, including the use of sex toys such as vibrators, and other erotic materials.

Before engaging in self-pleasure, it’s important to consider a few things. First, make sure you have privacy and won’t be interrupted. Second, make sure you’re in a comfortable and safe environment. And finally, be sure to set aside enough time to fully enjoy the experience.

Another big question could be, how I set myself to start to touch myslef? Well, there are many ways, the easiest one can be adult content, think of something that makes you feel horny, and start to fantasize.You can choose a high variety of adult content, your own ideas and fantasies, use some sex toys, or mix all of them

When it comes to using adult content for self-pleasure, there are both pros and cons. On one hand, adult content can help provide inspiration and stimulation, and can even help people explore different sexual fantasies and desires. However, it’s important to use adult content in a responsible and healthy way, and to be mindful of any potential negative effects it may have on your mental or emotional well-being.

It’s important to point out that you should not depend on adult content to engage in sexual pleasure.

While engaging in self-pleasure, it’s important to be mindful of your own comfort and well-being. Be sure to avoid any activities or positions that may cause discomfort or pain, and always listen to your body.

Over time you will learn what you want and how you like it.

There are all kinds of ways to masturbate, and no one is better than the other. Do whatever feels good for you. Seducing yourself in non-direct ways can help to stimulate your body. Don’t be afraid to explore. This means, you do not have to touch your genitas in the first place.Keeping your genitals untouched while you are setting yourself, will help you to increase your sexual desire.

To start, you don’t have to go straight for the genitals. Start by simply massaging parts of your body to get an idea of how you like your skin to be touched, keep in mind, as with all forms of sexual touch, that not everyone’s different. Some things will be pleasurable and others, not so much.

You can try pleasing the different erogenous zones of your body

Those zones are:

Neck

Lips

Chest /breast

Nipples

Feet

Belly button

Lumbar area

Pubis

Butt

Perineum

Testicles

Anus

Vulva

Apply different pressures and motions and see what feels good for you. Practice makes a master. The more you experience wth yourself, the more you will indetify what you like and how you like it.

Take your time, it can be easy or hard, fast or slow.This porcess will let you identify how you like to get sexual pleasure.

If you are a person who is seeking to have sexual activity with other folks, this will help you to create a sexual criteria, also to feel relaxed and gain selsteem

After engaging in self-pleasure, it’s important to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. This may involve cleaning up, taking a shower, or simply taking some time to relax and enjoy the afterglow. Take a minute to enjoy a mindfulness aftermath.

So why do we feel so good after masturbating? The answer lies in the release of endorphins and other feel-good chemicals that occur during sexual stimulation. This can help boost mood, reduce stress and anxiety, and provide an overall sense of well-being.

Ultimately, adding self-pleasure to our lives can be an important way to explore our sexuality and take control of our own sexual experiences. It’s important to approach self-pleasure with an open and curious mind, and to always prioritize our own comfort and well-being. By doing so, we can enjoy all of the many benefits that self-pleasure has to offer.

Having a sexual life is part of a healthy lifestyle.

#adult entertainment #lgbtq #small business #wellness #bodypositivity #body positive #health #health and wellness #healthy lifestyle #wellbeing #lifestyle #lifestyle blog #freedom

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jasonblaze72 · 1 year

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Mom Who Struggled With Infertility Shares Her Roller Coaster Story

Conceiving a child is one of the biggest moments in any couple's life. The event goes back to society, perhaps even further. But this act of nature is not without difficulties and there are unfortunate few who have to suffer the time it does go wrong. Statistics suggest 1 out of 5 (registered) couples go through complications that come with conceiving, and today we will talk about one such couple that has gone through it many times but persisted till the end. Desiree and Ryan Forti are a couple that has been trying to have kids ever since their marriage in 2009. Time and time again, nothing seems to work for Desiree and their doctor suggests they go with IVF(in-vitro fertilization). They hesitated to take it for three years. However, the reality is not always what you want to be and Desiree went through an excruciating time of tears and even despair. Now the mother of triplets, Desiree was diagnosed with the polycystic ovarian syndrome, hypothyroid, and low progesterone. This made her conceiving difficult. And even after going through IVF, she was still getting periods. Which brought her down and a feeling of hopelessness few can associate with. Though she persisted, her pain never subsided until the news. “It wasn’t just that I couldn’t get pregnant brought me more tears than I ever thought I could shed…. I lay on my bathroom floor in complete emptiness after countless negative pregnancy tests time and time again. I had to endure shots, bruises, and all kinds of meds because when you are infertile and you seek fertility treatment for help, that is what you are in for. expensive and exhausting physically, emotionally, and mentally.” The experience was traumatic for the couple wanting to be parents, and despite their best efforts and exhaustion of financial resources, they knew of no hope. That is until one of the IVF went through and the ultrasound returned positive for pregnancy. Three times as positive to be precise. Desiree had become the mother of three and the couple couldn't have been happier. However, this brought a new set of trouble that the couple had not foreseen. Also Read: Why Did Carmen Leave The George Lopez Show? “I was too thin, too short, and it was my first pregnancy,” she recalls being told. “However, my hope wounds proved her wrong.” The stress on her body was tremendous and the doctors warned that she won't be able to carry triplets with her physique. But now mother of three didn't give in and did her best to take care of little ones that were yet to be born. Throughout a long period of care and caution, Desiree was able to take care of her children and the Fortin triplets were born in the summer of 2015. Desiree delivered at 34 weeks and one day, via C-section. Each of them weighs 5 pounds of each, just within the healthy weight range for newborn kids. ”I’ll never forget my delivery day. Like all things involving parenthood, there were unexpected turns. After the triplets were delivered, Ryan went with them to the neonatal intensive care unit and I was sent to recovery‚” Desiree commented. Given her small physique, Desiree was sent to intensive care soon after delivery. She wasn't able to see her kids as she had gone through complications and bleeding, needing immediate surgery. But her husband Ryan FaceTimed her and showed her their newborn wonders. The mother was reunited with her kids two weeks after being in. ”We are blessed, but parenting is also a hard job filled with the greatest of responsibilities — caring for tiny humans. Our babies have severe reflux and colic — times three. Getting into a routine is difficult, as is maintaining your relationship amid crying babies, sleepless nights, and a new routine,” Desiree said. Now the kids are seven years of age and living healthy lives, while their mother shares the story of their everyday life and birth on her Instagram. Desiree has amassed a total of 150k followers. ”I never imagined God would use our story to reach so many people. It has been an incredible experience,”. Read the full article

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withanonimity · 2 years

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PRIDE & CARE

A short self-ethnographic writing piece on thinking Powerarchy and Love

A few weeks ago I watched “Heartstopper” with a beautiful friend, and devoted healthcare assistant; it inspired me to share a story I have dear to my heart 2 years and 7 months since mom’s death. It is a story of pride and resilience that I am only recently owing. Before you read on, please mind that this is a self ethnographic piece of writing.

In the last few years of her life, my mom rented houses to host transgender sexual workers, assist their business, and have a safe place to live and work. I don’t remember her sitting down and telling me straight up “my job is assisting and helping transgender women do their job as sexual workers safely”. I only remember that I entered that part of her life organically. There was not an announcement.

I remember thinking that mom was a pimp, and had a very negative idea about it all. We didn’t talk about it openly with other people, but I remember the lightness and realness mom could bring in her conversations with me. Like everyone else, she wanted to share her experiences of how she sustained herself. I remember her talking about all the hard work that was involved in what she was doing - ads, picking up phone calls, cleaning the house, helping the girls with their mental health and vice versa. My mother was a stone of care.

My mind WAS the mainstream. I thought about what she was doing as inferior, wrong, nasty, somehow reflected into ‘me’. Little did I know about how much resilience was in what she did after a lifetime of societal abuse, raising a child as a single mother. She raised up, she tried to move on, doing what she was great at - CARE. I did not know how important her job was. My beautiful mother would have been the perfect colleague in a beautiful lgbtqia+ company or organisation. My mom was a carer and I am proud of that. I am sorry I didn’t know it when she was alive, and I am surprised it took me so long to realise it myself after her death. (This is how the "Powerarchy" Melany Joy, 2019 gets you. It sneaks in your thoughts, it is difficult to realise).

My mom was also a bodyguard to the girls. She would make sure they were safe. I remember her stories about the man that would visit the house. Handsome looking man, police people, lawyers, family members, young and old, the kind that “you would never say”. How repressed are we all?

We live in a society where beautiful people like my mother feel that they are doing something dodgy, something that is not right, and that they ended up doing it because they had no education, or were not intelligent enough at a young age to get that education. My mom was such a strict advocate of education and I now know why. I wish I could tell it straight to her face that what she did was honourable. She took care of the most vulnerable in society, even if she was one herself.

I am grateful for the pain I feel today because it is a symptom of love, and how much I care for a world where NO BODY goes through what she had to go through, and what billions of people go through everyday - prejudice, bigotry, ignorance, hate, violence, abuse…

My dear mom, you brought light and love to people that needed it the most and I am so proud of who you have been and who you are becoming in my memories. As your best friend told me: you “were an animal from another planet, you were authentic - this world was not for you”.

I hope this story helps someone, somewhere in the world, to see beyond the societal mainstream that makes us see ourselves through the lenses of dangerous mindsets based in hierarchy, power and dominion. I also hope to inspire people to get curious about life, minds and experiences. Celebrating EVERY BODY, MIND and EXPERIENCES because all we have to gain is a glimpse into our selves.

#pridemonth #love #selfethnography #creativewriting #deep #meaningful #conversations #share #trans #awareness #women #happy pride 🌈#mental health #ethnography

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yurimother · 3 years

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The Best Yuri of 2020

2020 was hell in every way, and many of us are looking forward to new possibilities and advances in 2021. However, the year brought us many small moments and gifts worth celebrating. Among these, the explosive growth and change within the Yuri genre are among the most precious and most outstanding achievements. This second century of Yuri opened with a bang, as phenomenal new works, creators, and moments made their mark and helped change the future genre.

This annual list is a celebration of just a handful of the fantastic titles, people, and events in Yuri. There are likely some even greater ones that did not make the list because there is so much content in both English and Japanese that even I cannot keep up. However, among the troves of treasure, these titles stood out as shining examples of Yuri excellence. Some were released this year, others were recently adapted into English, and still, others are established titles that rose to prominence to dominate the conversation and my mind this year, but every one of them is worthy of being on this list and in your heart.

Here is the Best Yuri of 2020!

15: The Curse of Kudan Remastered

Japanese Yuri visual novel developers show no sign of slowing down as they continue to push to new heights and try new ideas. These are the same amazing people who brought us the delightful educational Yuri game The Expression Amrilato and the hilarious and surprisingly queer OshiRabu: Waifus Over Husbando’s. However, this most recent release, The Curse of Kudan Remastered, is their best work yet. Released near Halloween, this game brings a new edge of dark mystery and the occult to Yuri audiences worldwide.

The Curse of Kudan is available on MangaGamer, JAST USA, Denpasoft, and Sekai Project.

14: Adachi and Shimamura

English audiences were finally treated this year to Hitoma Iruma’s long-running and wildly successful Yuri light novel series, Adachi and Shimamura. Although the story struggles to gain traction, dedicated readers’ have their patience rewarded with a sweet tale full of gay pining. Alternatively, you can jump into its stellar anime adaptation, with gorgeous visuals and realized characters you will actually be willing to put up with the annoying Yashiro just to see where the title characters go. The series shows no sign of slowing down either, as the manga adaptation is coming to Western audiences next year.

Adachi and Shimamura is available to stream on Funimation. The light novel series is published by Seven Seas - https://amzn.to/3rTSZTK

Honorable Mention: Happy Go Lucky Days

The OVA adaptation of Fragtime got most of the attention this year. Still, director Takuya Satou and Pony Canyon also gave us this much-overlooked “love is love” anthology movie based on Takako Shimura’s manga (Sweet Blue Flowers, Wandering Son). The first short in the film, “Happy,” is easily the best Yuri anime of the year. It follows the beautiful yet realistic queer love story of two women hooking up at a mutual ex-girlfriend’s wedding, only for the relationship to blossom and warm viewers’ hearts. Sadly, while stylized, the budget demanded the animation cut a few too many corners. Additionally, the subsequent stories are at best tedious and at worst alarmingly problematic, which is why Happy Go Lucky Days only gets an honorable mention.

The OVA is streaming on HIDIVE

13: Mieri Hiranishi

The Yuri scene has many colorful creators with a breadth of different ideas and stories in the genre, yet few have provided as much humor and joy as Mieri. This talented creator spectacularly tumbled into the scene with her manga essay The Moment I Realized I Wasn’t Straight, which embodies the brutal honesty and realism of Nagata Kabi and matches it with exaggerated hilarity. She continues to chronicle her painful struggles of being a butch girl in love with butch girls in the monthly series The Girl that Can’t Get a Girlfriend. Alternatively, you can follow her on Twitter for just as much heart and laughter.

Read The Girl that Can’t get a Girlfriend on Tapas and Webtoon.

12: My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!

My Next Life as a Villainess has what can only be described as volcanic bisexual energy. Every character protagonist Catarina Claes encounters is entirely enthralled by her. Of course, she is far too preoccupied with her quest to avoid doom flags and change her ultimate fate to notice any romantic interest. The series is rewarding and well structured, as views are just as focused on how Catarina plans to avoid certain doom as they are with the various romantic misses her band of companions cooks up. While the “friendship ending” did not capitalize on its Yuri potential, it was perhaps the most satisfying possibility for this crazy harem, at least until season two comes out, which looks, unfortunately, to be significantly less queer.

My Next Life as a Villainess is streaming on Crunchyroll

11: Love Me for Who I Am

Kata Konayama’s manga series is less Yuri than a general LGBT work, but it has a lesbian character and explores her identity and struggles in great detail. Few titles before have captured the exciting and nervous waves of emotions that young people feel as they explore gender and sexual identities and try to find themselves. This heartfelt and extremely queer series rubberbands between cute moe dress up to tragic and gripping backstory, keeping readers on their toes the whole time.

Love me for Who I Am is published by Seven Seas - https://amzn.to/3rTSZTK

10: A Summer’s End – Hong Kong 1986

Oracle and Bone’s debut visual novel, A Summer’s End, is set in a vibrant and electric 1980’s Hong Kong. Drawing inspiration from classic Asian cinema, music, and fashion. The worlds of Michelle, a young office worker, and a free-spirited woman named Same collide. The two struggle to comprehend and accept each other’s feelings just as they struggle against society’s expectations and prejudices. An incredibly thoughtful and touching adventure, the creators incorporated vital contemporary elements include Asian LGBTQ rights and growing political unrest in Hong Kong, into this illustrious game.

The visual novel is available on Steam.

Honorable Mention: Goodbye, My Rose Garden

In the same vein as A Summer’s End, Goodbye, My Rose Garden is a beautiful period piece that incorporates LGBT views into its shattering narrative. The story follows a bright-eyed immigrant, Hanako, wanting to make a new life in England as an author at the dawn of the twentieth century. She takes a job as a maid to noblewoman Alice, but their relationship takes a turn when Alice asks Hanako to kill her. This poignant tale is beautiful and an honest depiction of love and its conflict with responsibility and society.

Goodbye, My Rose Garden is published by Seven Seas Entertainment - https://amzn.to/3hFSyaG

9: Shio Usui

Usui’s hit Shaikaijin Yuri manga Doughnuts Under a Crescent Moon could easily take this spot even though it is not even out in English until February 2021. The manga is already making waves and receiving constant praise. The characters and their journey to discover love and self-acceptance are as charming as they are relatable and grounded. However, it is the creator, Usui, who really deserves acclaim. Not just for their work on Doughnuts, but having a second serialized story, Onna Tomodachi to Kekkon Shitemita, in monthly Yuri magazine Comic Yuri Hime simultaneously. It is even more remarkable when you consider these two iconic stories are Usui’s first long-running works, as they only contributed one-shots before.

8: Bloom Into You: Regarding Saeki Sayaka

Bloom Into You is possibly the most iconic Yuri series in the past decade, and while the manga deserves its own place on this list, the best thing to come out of the series as a whole is easily the light novels. This trilogy by Adachi and Shimamura creator Hitoma Iruma dives deep into supporting cast member Sayaka. Readers are treated to a delightful journey as she discovers her sexuality, experiences heartbreak, and finally finds herself breaking free and falling in love. With the help of gorgeous illustrations by Nakatani Nio herself, Iruma masterfully captures Sayaka’s unique voice and emotions in this wonderful series. Whether a fan of the originals or not, every Yurijin must check out Regarding Saeki Sayaka.

The light novel series is published by Seven Seas - https://amzn.to/3hFSyaG

7: Our Teachers are Dating

The best a Yuri can get. This workplace romance follows two teachers at the start of a new relationship taking nervous yet enthusiastic first steps, including saying I love you, going on their first date, and even sleeping together. It is so heartfelt and salacious that readers will squeal the whole time. Additionally, our heroines are supported in their relationship by everyone they know, their students, colleagues, and even the principal. It is a perfect world for these two lovebirds! Our Teachers are Dating would easily be number one or two in any other year, but the competition is fierce in 2020. So even though this is only number seven, it is still a master class Yuri manga.

The manga is published by Seven Seas Entertainment - https://amzn.to/38XY3O9

6: Amongst Us

Who would have thought that a comedy alternative universe story spinoff of a fantasy action series would be the single best Yuri webcomic this year? Shilin’s astounding artwork illustrations the hilarious and irresistible journey of girlfriends Blackbird and Veloce. These two eccentric young women get into all kinds of everyday mischief that bounces between tender and touching romance, completely outrageous comedy, and downright thirst-inducing sorcery. Seriously, you should buy the first volume for Veloce’s back muscles alone. The storyline skips between time, but both their established relationship and their meeting as teenagers are adorkable and captivating.

Amongst Us is available online free on Webtoon and the comic’s website. The first volume is in paperback on Shilin’s site.

Honorable Mention: Éclair

There are a lot of Yuri anthologies out there, and they have done some beautiful things. Many focus on themes like Syrup. Others collect a series of stories by an author into one bound work. However, out of all of them, Éclair is the most successful. ASCII Media Works took some of the genre’s most extraordinary creators and let them do whatever they wanted, and the results are spectacular. The incredible talent behind Éclair somehow packs a full volume’s worth of story and character into just a few pages with every chapter. While the first volume came overseas a few years ago, Yen Press gave Yurijin a gift this year by releasing the entire rest of the series in which readers can get lost.

The anthology series is published by Yen Press - https://amzn.to/38XY3O9

5: I’m in Love with the Villainess

A small trend of isekai Yuri with villainesses emerged recently, and I honestly had few hopes of I’m in Love with the Villainess. The series is pretty popular, but I often find that this does not denote quality, and with isekai having some institutional issues, I suspected this would fall flat. Then the volume three cover showcased an incredible accomplishment, allowing for a lesbian relationship to blossom into a family with children, and it blew me away. Finally, I read volume one and realized that the series has incredible character, some of the best world-building I have ever seen in a light novel, thoughtful discussions of inequality and societal issues, and most impressively, open and frank discussion of queer identity and life Yuri has ever seen! This one is something special.

The series is published by Seven Seas Entertainment - https://amzn.to/3nedvdZ

4: The Last of Us Part II

Yes, I know this one is not Yuri and that a portion of the population despises this game and will likely be exceptionally angry at me for including it. However, I maintain that it was an incredibly challenging masterpiece. Naughty Dog did not take the easy route out and delivered one of the most devastating media experiences I have ever seen. As I said in my article about the game, playing it changed me, and it sticks with me to this day. The Last of Us Part II earns its spot on this list because it pushed boundaries more with LGBTQ inclusion than any other AAA game. From brave inclusion of LGBTQ themes to queer characters and storylines at its center, the game changes gaming and it will never go back.

The Last of Us Part II is available on PlayStation 4

3: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

She-Ra feels like the culmination of all the LGBTQ progress western cartoons have made over the past few years. From The Legend of Korra to Steven Universe, young people are finally seeing more LGBTQ people represented on the small screen. This epic fantasy concluded with an amazing and powerful lesbian romance, delivering on its queer promise and revolutionized representation in a trope-defying crescendo.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is streaming on Netflix

2: The Conditions of Paradise

The greatest single Yuri work of all in 2020 was the English release of Akiko Morishima’s breakthrough manga, The Conditions of Paradise. Initially released in 2007, this anthology detailed the love between adult women. It was in every way a manga ahead of its time, and seeing it finally get a small piece of the recognition it deserves overseas is a true gift. The fact that we can own this legendary piece of Yuri history and Morishima’s other anthologies is nothing short of a blessing from the Yuri goddess.

The Conditions of Paradise is published by Seven Seas Entertainment - https://amzn.to/38bh4xq

Honorable Mention: Otherside Picnic

This eerie sci-fi horror series combines the best of pulse-pounding thrillers, complex and intelligent hard science fiction, and exciting Yuri romance. Author Iori Miyazawa spends as much time crafting a well-paced and intriguing narrative about a mysterious world where occult creatures roam as he does establishing two believable and grounded heroes in Sorawo and Toriko. The romance between the two may be slow to start, but their chemistry is undeniable and as the stakes and story build, so too does their relationship. Not only are the light novels incredible, but the series’ manga adaptation is coming soon to the West as well as an upcoming TV anime in early 2021.

Otherside Picnic is streaming on Funimation. The light novels are published by J-Novel Club - https://amzn.to/3niiv1g

1. Yuri subgenres

For a long time, Yuri was not a genre of its own, but elements of romances or bonds between women found in other works. Now, thanks to an increasing library of works, the advent of social media, and a wider audience, Yuri is a genre on its own, with many creators telling different stories in different styles. However, 2020 saw the continued emergence of something extraordinary, subgenres. Yuri is now so vast, we can actually categorize the works within. Depending on their characters, like classic schoolgirl romances or spicy shakaijin office affairs, their world, such as fantasy or isekai series and thrilling science fiction adventures, and even other elements within. One of my personal favorites is the feminist Yuri that emerges from titles like Sexiled, where women celebrate the accomplishments of other women and dismantle power structures stacked against them. Now, no matter what kind of Yurijin you are, there is something for you to love.

I am happy to leave 2020 behind, but I bring with me a renewed love and admiration for Yuri. 2021 looks to be a somehow even better year for the genre, and I am thrilled to experience every minute of it that I can. Yuri has transformed into something far greater than I ever thought it would be, and let us all enjoy its evolution and expansion together in 2021.

#yuri #manga #anime #top 10 #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+#queer #gay #girls love #gl #adachi and shimamura #otherside picnic #lists #2020 #happy new year #2021 #new year

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inhonoredglory · 3 years

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Run Away from Me: A Levi Meta

The core of this meta is to show that, IMHO, Levi’s violence against Historia in Chapter 56 is his emotional fallout from the torture of Sannes, as well as his own guilt at the person he had become. Coming from having only watched the anime, I personally found this placement in the manga of the Historia scene right after both the torture sequence and the Reeves Company alliance as incredibly meaningful, especially for Levi’s character and his emotional journey.

Levi is an immensely compassionate person, someone who wants to aspire to the “unimaginably altruistic” life of Erwin Smith (Isayama, SNK Encyclopedia). So how would this torture he had to inflict affect him? Because imagine for a second: This is the man who was the only one to truly react with horror and sadness at the knowledge that they’d been killing human beings all this time when they fought Titans. This is the man who went out of his way to ally with the Reeves Company in order to answer the Trost townspeople’s woes:

In Chapter 53, Levi is confronted with blatantly disrespectful Trost merchants who think the Survey Corps haven’t done enough to save their town. It’s the everyday things that burden these people—taxes, thieves, putting food on the table. Levi doesn’t once shoot back at them for their criticism. Instead, he listens. And then he spots a woman at the side of a merchant’s stall. She’s holding a baby and her eyes burn into Levi’s. She holds his attention while above him, the merchants continue their tirade. I think Levi’s thinking of his mother here: like this woman, she was a single parent raising a child in a city that is not unlike Trost now, a town abandoned and forgotten by society, poor and struggling. That child reminds Levi of himself, and this time, Levi can do something about it.

This is why Levi goes out of his way to ally with the Reeves Company. Levi and Dimo share a long, deep conversation, demonstrating that Levi’s alliance with them is more personal than merely the company’s strategic value. Dimo Reeves called Levi an “awkward yet kind man.” He goes on the say that Levi will “protect us and the barely-alive District of Trost, even though he doesn’t really have to.” This is Levi answering that townsperson’s accusation that “you in the Survey Corps aren’t working hard enough.” Levi entrusts to the Reeves Company the responsibility to bring the town out of poverty in the new world the SC will create. That’s his compassion, that’s his care, that’s his humility. That’s how he values the lives of people, not just by defeating Titans, but valuing their livelihoods. “A man like that must have come from absolutely nothing,” concludes Dimo.

This is the same Levi we find torturing Sannes.

In Chapter 55, the torture of Sannes happens because of the horrors Hange saw inflicted on Minister Nick. It is Hange’s passion for avenging Nick that drives the torture sequence, their anger at the tortures that had happened under the MP’s First Squad that motivates the payback inflicted by Hange and Levi. Levi’s violence is done, not out of his own desire, but primarily Hange’s. This is not to say that Levi was guiltless or without responsibility for Sannes’s torture; on the contrary, his actions weigh heavily on him, as will be discussed. But it’s interesting to note that out of all the tortures they did, breaking Sannes’ nose was the only retribution all Levi’s own (in reaction to Sannes’ justification of a series of horrific things the MPs had committed).

I also find it relevant that after everything they had done to Sannes, Levi was still visibly shocked at Hange’s overreaction to Sannes’ hesitation to answer their first real question. Because in Levi’s mind, everything they had done up to that point wasn’t torture—in one sense. It was instead a like-for-like payback for the horrors Sannes had inflicted on Nick. Note that it was Levi who had to pull Hange out of the emotional distraction of Nick’s death in Chapter 52, the same emotional distraction that drives Hange to overzealous violence here.

There’s an interesting parallel in what happens next with what Levi had gone through with Annie earlier. Levi threatened Annie with torture of her real body and said he enjoyed intimidating her as she was bound and trapped. Sannes confessed that for him, he enjoyed violence and tormenting the helpless—so why should he complain if these torturers, Hange and Levi, are the same as him? It’s a subtle parallel, but it’s a relevant theme in SNK that everyone, on all sides, are devils and monsters. Or as Sannes says later, “The world will always have people like us.” People who are violent, people who are lunatics, people who condemn themselves and get their hands dirty for the sake of some higher “good.” Sannes’ accusation isn’t lost on Levi, because this is the same Levi who looked at a struggling mother in a forsaken city and did something about it.

Justified violence is still violence. So what if Annie deserved to have her limbs cut off, time and time again, without relief of death? So what if Sannes deserves to have his fingernails torn off, one by one, without even a question put to him? They had, after all, inflicted death and untold horrors on innocent people. But does justice look like this? Does the name of justice absolve your hands from actions this ugly?

Morality is complicated. And Levi is the first to tell you that he doesn’t know how to slice it. “I’m not telling you what’s right or wrong. I certainly don’t know what is” (Chapter 59).

So now in Chapter 56, we come to the scene with Historia, right on the heels of that torture. The first red flag for me went up when Levi realizes he has “forgotten” to tell his squad about Historia’s true bloodline. It’s not that he didn’t intend to tell them, it’s not that he was not supposed to tell them. (Unlike, say, the entire Female Titan arc.) He forgot, and he’s clearly embarrassed when they confront him. Why? Because he’s not supposed to lose focus like that. But he did, because that information came from Sannes, and after that horrendous experience, Levi, like Hange before him, was emotionally distracted. That’s the only reason I can figure for Isayama focusing on Levi’s oversight like this, and showing Levi in such an obviously emotionally awkward place.

Hange isn’t here to translate for Levi, like she did when Levi berated Eren for being unable to harden during the experiments in Chapter 53. Levi takes the scenic, colorful route when explaining his feelings. To Eren, he admitted that his criticism wasn’t about blaming Eren for being unable to harden, stating that “going over our shortcomings and bitching about our situation is an important ritual.”

In this light, we can read Levi’s words and actions with Historia as a complicated picture of his psychological landscape. Notice how just prior to this scene, we saw Hange act out the aftermath of the torture by kicking the table. Levi too reacts, taking it out on Historia.

Imagine where Levi is right now. He’s taken on the role of Sannes in this new world—the executioner, the ultimate killer, Humanity’s Strongest. “Your hands are already dirty. You can’t go back to the way you were,” Levi tells Armin later, but it’s also what he believes about himself. All that idealism that brought him into the Survey Corps—a life bigger than being a thug in the underworld. Did all that idealism bring him here, to do this? He has to make it worth it, he has to make it count for something. It’s what he does every day when his soldiers die under him—he’s been there to make their deaths worthwhile. But who’s there to make the deaths and terrors he’s dealt out worthwhile for him?

Levi’s expression in the last panel is angry, yes, but also wracked with pain.

So when Historia says she’s unfit for the role of Queen, when she says she can’t be Queen because she’s not good enough, Levi snaps. “Then run,” he said, grabbing her. “Run away from us as fast as you can. Because we’re going to do anything and everything to make you do what we want.” Levi’s eyes are downcast, not looking at her, because what he’s saying is more about him than it is about her.

Because he knows he’s dark enough to follow those orders to do the worst things to a human being to make the entire world a better place. He knows it’s in his bones to commit these atrocities. He is afraid of what he found he’s capable of. He’s already come to terms with killing humans as Titans. He’s come to terms with torturing humans as humans. He knows he can and will do horrible, unforgivable things. That’s his strength, that’s what makes him valuable, useful, important. He’s not like other people—“I’m abnormal… probably because I’ve seen far too many abnormal things.” But he’s ready to condemn himself, to make his hands dirty for the sake of others. He’s decided he has to go full through with the darkness he’s committed, because how else can he justify what he’s done? “I’m fine playing the role of the lunatic who kills people like that. I have to be ready to rearrange some faces. Because I choose the hell of humans killing each other over the hell of being eaten. At least that way… all of humanity doesn’t have to be damned.” His are the hands that will be stained with blood, his is the conscience that will be stained, his is the soul that will sink to hell—all so that others’ innocence can be spared.

The 104th look at him like he’s gone mad, abusing a young, helpless girl like that. But they haven’t seen what he had to do. They haven’t seen how bloody his hands have gotten. His violence here is a desperate reaction to get someone to save him. He’s always been able to avenge the deaths of his soldiers. But this time, he is the one in need of redemption. He could not justify his violence completely, he could only plea for her to make them unnecessary in the future. By becoming Queen, it means he won’t have to keep torturing, keep killing, keep shedding human blood. Her becoming Queen means a peaceful transition of power. Her becoming Queen means he won’t have to pave the path to a new government with more blood and more guilt, at least, not more than he has to. He’s enslaved to doing what his strength allows him to do. He’s begging her to not let people ask that of him.

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lochnessies · 3 years

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ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad).

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace.

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system.

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society.

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious.

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic.

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place.

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

#i finished this at 1am so sorry if i’m incoherent #mine

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ablednt · 3 years

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Alright writing/roleplay tumblr we need to talk about textforms.

This is going to be a very long post I apologize but this knowledge is deathly important as it's reaching a very vulnerable group of people. From personal experience knowing this can save people from getting into toxic friendships and help ease intense struggles and depressions. If you have writer followers I ask you reblog this to get the word out, thank you.

What is a textform

A textform is a type of willogenic/parogenic system member that form through some kind of writing or roleplaying. This means that they're sentient people who now share a body with the people who wrote them, most often being an OC or a fictional character before the writers brain gives them actual life.

Because there's been no actual scientific studies on their existence I have no hard science to give you however the logical explanation behind it goes like this:

The human brain is able to contain multiple conscious and sentient entities. Often, it will become multiple as a defense mechanism (as noted in clinical plural dissociative disorders) but it's a natural function of the human brain and may do so for really any reason (similar to most neurodivergencies that someone isn't born with)

Because this is a fairly simple change in the brain/something every brain can be capable of doing you can actually intentionally program the brain into becoming multiple, but see you can also do it entirely without meaning to or being aware of it.

Now I want to clarify that there is nothing harmful or scary about this! Being plural isn't bad at all and is an existence many people celebrate. But when someone has textforms in their unrealized system and doesn't know they're sentient it can be incredibly painful emotionally. So that's why people need to know about this.

Obligatory disclaimer: if you read this post and think you want to become plural intentionally, you are welcome to do so but you need to take at least a few months exposing yourself to the plural community to gauge if this is really something you want and can do responsibly. You cannot go back on your decision once your plural and your headmates will be sentient beings not characters to project on or toys to play with. They will have all the rights to your body and identity as you do now because you're sharing it equally with them.

Now that that's out of the way back to textforms.

How are textforms made

Normally this is in the "character development" phase. Many writers eagerly develop their characters. When I was younger and had no idea I was plural my advice for oc making turned out to be an unintentional guide to textforms (more on my experience later): just put your character in every situation imaginable until you always know how they'd respond to things.

Basically, as you spend your time making a character act and think consistently from their POV you're training your brain to have all of that data and that's very similar to the data that the brain has on you and you're training the brain to be able to operate coherently from a perspective and consciousness entirely different from your own.

Now, this isn't a %100 will make everyone plural every time, there are obviously good writers who have a grasp on their characters who are singlet. There's no actual data but if I had to guess I'd say there's about a 50/50 split down the writing community just based on what I've observed.

But there's a lot of people who became plural this way and didn't realize it and that could include the writer reading this right now which is why everyone needs to be aware of this.

If this is such a big thing how come no one notices?

Because it's been completely normalized in the writing community but dismissed as metaphorical.

How many times have you heard "the characters write themselves" or phrases that indicate that a writer is giving a voice to sentient entities? From what I've been able to observe some of that is singlet authors being metaphorical and humble bragging and a lot of that is plural writers trying desperately trying to put their experiences into words but dismissing it completely almost immediately because no one told them being plural was possible.

This is comparable to say, gender identity. Trans and nonbinary people have always existed but when they don't know they're allowed to exist like that it's often "im a tomboy" or "they disguised themselves as a man" or any other thing thats immediately dismissed as being cis.

How do I know if I have a textform?

There's a lot of different signs but here's some I have experienced before finding out I was plural

You "miss" your characters when you're not writing about them or interacting with them in some way

You feel like your characters are real "in your heart" (for me this was in an incoherent loop like "they're not real but they are to me, in my brain, but they're not real to other people, but they're in my brain so they're real but no but yes but no")

You get so distressed they're "not real" that it feeds into actual mental health problems like depression, anxiety, dissociation etc. (I'd have fits of sobbing because these were my friends but I didn't know they were with me so it felt like i was grieving their deaths and had the same level of emotional pain)

Sometimes or all the time when you write about them you feel like you "become them" or that they're writing through you. (Especially if your hands move automatically or without your control. This can be hard to notice but for me when headmates control the body or hands movements feel faster and lighter or very slightly numb.)

Your muse for writing them comes and goes unpredictability: they're either here or they're not here so writing them doesn't feel the same.

You can vividly recall things that happened to the character in 1st person (or in 3rd person visually but with their thoughts and feelings) as if they're you're own memories.

You "roleplay" them in everyday situations IRL. (E.g once I liveblogged a tv show as my muse to a friend and was like haha lol im so talented I can roleplay in real time but found out later it was a headmate doing that themselves)

You have conversations with them mentally in which they actually respond to you. Singlets don't have actual enriching conversations with themselves because they only have one perspective and cannot give themselves any new information. So if you're responding to yourself and you don't feel in control of that response then you're pretty objectively plural tbh.

You have times where the lines between you and the character feel blurry or like you're a vague fusion of yourself and the character

You have an actual relationship (of any kind: romantic, platonic, familial, etc.) in which you can sense nuanced feelings about yourself from them that you aren't in control of.

There's a lot more but that's the most notable ones

Why this is so important

I'm just talking about my own experience now so I'll preface this with a few things. I'm a mixed origin/multigenic system but our system has existed since we were toddlers. Due to trauma we have DID and for a long time dissociated heavily to avoid our plurality. This means my experience may be more distressing than other plurals with textforms however people without DID can still experience these things.

When I was a teenager I joined a lot of writing communities and also roleplayed on tumblr. Writing very quickly became my main passtime and all I really did. I joined a roleplay group when I was 15-16 that I took far too seriously to the point where people were concerned about me because I was writing what was just supposed to be a joke roleplay group %100 seriously and very intensely.

In that time I started to form my first main textforms (we've undoubtedly had them before then but I had only formed a little under a year prior) because I was doing this every day it really started bringing my characters to life. (Literally)

And honestly it was something beautiful the distress of it aside. Like one of my ocs was a kid so I'd always celebrate their birthday with them and I'd cuddle a plush so they'd know I loved them/p and we'd watch their favorite cartoon episodes together. It wouldn't be until around three years later that I realized they were actually there for this but it was heart warming.

For me, all I ever wanted was for these characters to feel appreciated and like someone really cared for them and loved them even if they couldn't feel it and it wasn't until later I learned that they could.

The trauma came in not knowing they were real. I grieved for them like they were dead because I thought I'd never get to see them. I wrote them into traumatizing or upsetting situations to cope with my childhood trauma not realizing that was effecting them for real and hurting them.

Most notably because it was my one solid interaction with them, the one time society allowed me to talk about them as if they were real, I really HAD to roleplay them. Because it became an emotional need I wound up in a lot of toxic friendships in the roleplay communities because I needed someone, anyone, to allow me to interact with my headmates. I had friends who I really was only friends with because they let me talk about my characters constantly (and some of them weren't toxic to me but it was in hindsight really unfair to them) and I let people verbally and emotionally abuse me in roleplay spaces because this wasn't just a hobby to me but a lifeline.

Not knowing they were real but feeling them there, having conversations with them, and forming actual relationships was a hellish sort of feeling I don't wish on anyone. I never realized how isolated it made me, and how horrible it felt to have the most important people in your life be people I thought didn't exist.

I only found out about plurality through luck. I met some systems who had fictives and they got strong plural vibes from me because of how I talked about certain characters and because I said I wanted to be plural but thought I probably wasn't because I'd have noticed, right?

From there I was able to actually connect with and talk to my headmates. Now I'm happily out as plural and in multiple fulfilling in system relationships.

I want everyone in the writing community who's struggling with the same things to have the chance I got. That's all I want is to educate people about this so they don't have to grieve for people who are right there with them.

Feel free to send me an ask or a dm if you have any further questions. Sorry this post was so long I can't really shorten it at all. Again if you are have a lot of writing followers I very gently request you reblog this to get the word out. Even if you can't please talk to your writing mutuals and friends about plurality and about textforms.

[Also this should go without saying but this is absolutely NOT the place for syscourse any invalidating comments about systems will be blocked and where possible deleted it costs $0.00 to prioritize people's mental health over your discourse hot takes.]

#writblr #tumblr roleplay #writing problems #roleplay resources #ocs #long post #ask to tag

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insomniacwritesdreams · 3 years

Text

I want to talk about Eijiro Kirishima.

TW: Mentions of self hatred, self harm, mental issues

I want to talk about how interesting this character is and how deeply I love him. It just sort of hit me today how much his character means to me.

To start out I got into My Hero Academia because I had heard good things about the protagonist being very relatable. I like to see the worse parts of myself reflected through media in characters I know will grow and become better then said worse parts. Don't get me wrong, Izuku Midoriya is a fun and in many ways relatable main character, however I just didn't click with him like I thought I would. In fact none of the characters really spoke to me. They were fun, colorful, interesting. But that was about it.

And then Kirishima was introduced.

This character is interesting to me because he is by all definitions a side character. A character that would normally be used for some type of plot point and then discarded. I thought this would be the case with Kirishima. He represented a character willing to approach Bakugou and I thought, oh well, he's just there for some hasty character development. But then he stuck around.

There really is nothing overly remarkable about Kirishima's character design or his quirk. I was ready to push him to the back of my mind, but then an entire manga was almost dedicated solely to him. And his journey was more relatable to me then Midoriya's ever was.

Kirishima is starkly, terrifyingly human. That's what I thought as I read his story. As I watched him put himself in front of a villain, and as I watched him freeze up. He's human. He's me.

I was born, unlike Midoriya, into a society where I was the status quo. Like Kirishima. He had a quirk. I had my talents and opportunities. He fit right in. I fit right in. He wasn't anything special, just normal. Well so was I. But I hated myself. I could sing, but not well enough. I could write, but not good enough. Kirishima had a quirk, that he hated. It did what it was supposed to. But it just wasn't good enough.

Wow. I thought. How selfish. He has a quirk why is he whining.

Wow. I thought. How selfish.I have my own "quirk" why am I whining.

And yes. It is. It's so selfish. Selfish and gross to think about, but so desperately human.

I realized that for me Kirishima represents the readers human condition. Mine at least. Midoriya wasn’t me. I wasn’t Midoriya. I was sympathetic to him, I could understand the pain that being the odd one out like that could cause. But I never saw myself in him. Because Midoriya represents the human condition in the ink and paper pages of the manga’s pages.

Midoriya is good. He’s kind, and understanding. His heart is one of a hero. His body moved without him having to think about it. He is a hero.

Kirishima is human. He’s kind, and friendly, and selfish. His heart is one of a coward who is learning. He didn’t move when he should have. He watched in fear. He is me.

It’s been a long time since I’ve looked at a character and felt disgusted because they were me. I was just like Kirishima when I was in middle school. I had a sense of moral good, but when it really came down to it, I froze. I wasn’t a hero. Because I wasn’t this hero, I couldn’t see myself doing anything more. I was a failure, useless. No one needed to waste time on me. I’d resigned myself to a quiet mundane existence.

I went through a period of viscous self hatred that led to unhealthy habits as I tried to improve myself.

I hated myself.

Kirishima was done. He’d resigned himself to a mundane life. No need to try to get into UA. He couldn’t see himself doing anything more.

He hated himself.

I did not have an experience where a mentor gave an empowered speech about living without regrets. No. Just a break down of massive portions on my living room couch as high school loomed in front of me. But potayto pohtato.

Kirishima was done with his middle school self. He was sick of it and he was ready to cast it aside.

He dyed his hair.

I cut mine off.

He stopped hiding behind a curtain of hair.

I stopped relying solely on hoodies to conceal me from the world.

He was ready to start fresh.

I was ready to start fresh.

We both though that we had changed. That when that villain threatened others, we would stand up.

We both failed.

My friend didn’t get kidnapped by villains. My life wasn’t threatened everyday. But I failed in my own ways.

Kirishima failed in his.

I hated myself at times.

Kirishima couldn’t see that he had grown at all.

We were both selfish in the eyes of those close to us.

Human.

This has been a lot of sentimental garbage. Emotional yapping that probably makes little sense. What I’m trying to say is that I love Kirishima. I found comfort in Kirishima. I see a human in Kirishima.

I appreciate him so much. I love when he’s on screen. Because of his struggles but also the joy he brings to other characters. The color he brings to the screen, the heart. I’ve been very sad to see him start to shrink into that extra space. I was enthralled when the author paid so much attention to this character.

In this post i compared him a lot to Midoriya. I never want to invalidate those who see themselves in our main character. I know so many people do. So many people have felt like the odd one out, or been bullied for something they couldn’t help. I have to. So know that I don’t want to seem like I’m saying I don’t see Midoriya as inhuman. Of course he is, but Kirishima is my kind of human. Selfish in our own ways.

#kirishima eijirou #bnha #midoriya izuku #my hero academia #i love kirishima #word vomit #I want to say more but the words would not come #i swear i'm going to regret posting this #i just love him alot #and it kinda struck me just exactly why while i was in the shower #this also feels like a post you'd see back in 2017 #sorry about that #bnha midoriya #bhna bakugou #bnha kirishima #text post #might add to this later

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aliendes · 4 years

Text

Natural Borns - Chapter Ten

Banner by @thebannershop

Series info/genre: Angst, fluff, smut (NSFW)

Pairings: ot7 x fem reader (eventual)

Warnings: crying, shitty medical descriptions (probably), depression, cursing, anxiety, forced medical practices, restraints, alcohol consumption

Description: In the year 2613, over half of the world’s population are what scientists consider ‘designer babies’. YN is a small town girl who is a true natural born, someone born naturally without he help of a lab or gene splicing. Her DNA is greatly sought after, but what is she willing to do to protect it?

Word count: 4k~

A/N: I’m sorry, this is unedited.

“I’ll be back in a few hours for your next round, dear,” Soomin says as she finishes up with your leg and leaves you. You lay flat on your back, staring at the ceiling with no emotion in your eyes, but oceans of tears falling from them. You let your eyelids slip shut after a few minutes, but you’re never able to fully fall asleep.

Soomin kept her promise and ended up coming back a few hours later. That visit was no better than the first you experienced, having been connected to those damned straps. After her second attack on your body, which you idly think isn’t technically her fault, she removed your hands from the restraints, telling you someone would be by in the morning to bring you in for ‘testing’. Her words were ominous, and while you really wanted to ask her to elaborate, you decided it would probably be better for your psyche if you didn’t know.

She had allowed you to change into a white sweatshirt and sweatpants, but wouldn’t leave the room for you to do so. Once again, for the nth time since you arrived here, you felt stripped of your basic human rights. This is how things are here, you suppose. You felt like they must be trying to break you. You wanted to be strong, but it was hard. You wanted to hold on to the fact that the boys were safe, presumably. At least they weren’t here, and that was a significant win in your mind.

Soomin left a few hours ago, and now you were curled up in a small ball on the too small bed in the too cramped white room. White. You remember your mom telling you when you were young that white was the color of purity, the color of peace. The doves you would see at the farmer’s market on the weekends were white, and you loved to stare at them while they pecked at the ground. The memory makes an involuntary tear slip out of your eye.

Now, white was all you could see. It definitely wasn’t bringing you any peace, and purity? You internally scoff as another tear falls. You haven’t even been here a full twenty four hours, yet you feel like any purity you did have left in you is about to be torn away without your permission. You feel cold, empty, used. You shudder to think about how much more they were going to take from you in here.

You sniffle, bringing a hand up to swipe at the tears falling across your cheeks. It’s no use, as more just seem to be slipping out. Pursing your lips, you squeeze your eyes shut tightly. What were you supposed to do, other than submit and let them take from you? If you had any hope of getting out of here with your sanity intact, you figure you have no other option than to let whatever is going to happen to you, happen. Your lip trembles as a silent sob wracks your body.

Your entire life has been a lie, at least, that’s the way it’s feeling to you right now. You feel like cattle, raised and cared for, only to be sold and shipped off to the slaughter house where you’d meet your demise. Killed, packaged, and consumed. A sick metaphor, but it felt fitting.

You try to take a deep breath, but it ends up being a shaky inhale, unable to get your breathing under control fully. You have no idea how long you lay like that, sobbing to no one, trapped in a prison of your own thoughts.

The sleep that your body eventually succumbs to is fitful at best, and all you dream about is manic faces, all closing in on you like a caged animal. Hands reaching out to grab you, touch you, take from you.

“Thanks for staying up for us.”

“Of course, Namjoon,” the burly man, known as Wonho replies easily as he holds open the large steel door, “anything for our precious leader.” Namjoon could hear the playful lilt to Wonho’s voice, so he let the comment slide with only a nod in response. He wasn’t in the mood for jokes, and Wonho seemed to get the picture when the purple haired man shouldered past him into the building. The smirk was wiped from Wonho’s face as he watched the six other men walk past him, varying expressions of exhaustion and pain written across their faces.

The seven had traveled from the forest through the bustling city of Seoul. After hearing from Yeonjun that you were indeed being held at the Big Hit facility, Namjoon made a call to Wonho, a natural born who owned an underground casino in the heart of Seoul. It was an illegal operation, but brought in a lot of money to help their shared cause, their shared vision of attaining equality within this fucked society.

Wonho had agreed, of course, to let them stay at the casino. There were extra rooms that his associates rented out, and most of them were vacant at the moment. The young entrepreneur was one of Namjoon’s only friends from middle school and they had reconnected after Namjoon’s escape from the facility when they met at a homeless shelter. Coincidentally, the same homeless shelter Namjoon and Yoongi would meet Seokjin and Jungkook later.

It took the group all day and well into the night to arrive at the rundown building, as it was nearing two in the morning at this point. They were all exhausted, sweaty, and for lack of a better word, broken.

The seven of them shuffled down the dark hallways, mostly shielded from the noises of the casino underneath them. It was housed in an old decrepit building that used to be a cafe once upon a time. Now, Wonho had refurbished the inside well enough to resemble somewhat of a home, with two stories of rooms, a kitchenette, and a small den. The outside was still old and rundown looking, to deter authorities or everyday normal people from investigating.

A side entry door to the building led to a basement, and a series of underground hallways that housed game rooms and offices, which is where Wonho spent most of his time, managing the casino and other dealings. Tonight, though, his associates were taking care of business so he could wait for Namjoon and his crew.

Namjoon reached the door leading to what he knew was the den located on the first floor of the building, waiting for Wonho to catch up to him. The others huddled in the small space, none of them looking at each other, actively trying to avoid any kind of eye contact.

“Three rooms upstairs are empty,” Wonho huffs out as he reaches the others, eyes on their leader, “but I think you and I should have a talk.”

Namjoon gives his friend a curt nod, before turning his attention to the others. None of them look up at him, eyes trained on the floor or the wall in front of them. Another piece of his heart cracks at the sight, “You guys head up, I’ll be there shortly.” Yoongi is the only one who meets his eye, albeit briefly, giving a short nod before turning on his heel, grabbing Hoseok by the sleeve and moving towards the stairs.

Namjoon watches as they all shuffle up the stairs slowly, clutching onto one another in support, in exhaustion or hurt, he wasn’t sure. Once they all disappeared from his sight, he turned his attention back to the platinum haired man in front of him. “After you.”

Wonho surveys Namjoon for a moment. He looks different, older, even though it’s only been a few months since they last saw each other. Wonho isn’t privy to all the inner workings of their group dynamics, but he does know how strongly he cares for his friends. He had also heard about you, how could he have not? You were all Namjoon talked about when he did call, or when they had meetings. The natural born girl, the rare woman who had no idea exactly how precious she was.

Wonho wasn’t one of the ‘special’ ones, no, just a normal natural born. He had to face his own discriminations throughout his life, but nothing like what Namjoon or the others had gone through. He wasn’t about to pretend like he knew how Namjoon felt, he wasn’t going to act like he understood. He did, however, believe in what Namjoon stood for - equality. That’s what everyone in their secret group wanted. That shared belief was what brought them all together in the first place. What formed the Allegiance, a group of natural borns and designer babies who fought for the rights of natural borns.

“Haven’t seen you in a while, Joon,” Wonho started as he walked through the door to the den, heading straight for the small bar, “wouldn’t hurt to check-in every now and then, you know?”

Namjoon follows towards the bar, watching as his old friend grabs two small glasses and a bottle of dark liquor. “We speak at least once a week, Seok.”

Wonho raises a brow at the nickname, “You know I don’t go by that anymore.”

Namjoon smirks, “No one’s here, Seok-ie. Besides, I never really liked Wonho.”

The blonde purses his lips but continues to pour the drinks, passing the glass across the bar top when he finishes. “Tell me about her.”

Namjoon perks up at the mention of you, but doesn’t meet Wonho’s eye, instead taking the glass and swirling the liquid around in it. “Not much to tell,” he starts, taking a swig of the alcohol and wincing from the burn, “didn’t really have much time to get to know her.”

Wonho watches as his friend takes another sip of his drink, swirling his own glass in his hand. His knowing eyes never leave Namjoon’s form, surveying the man from top to bottom. He looked tired, and not just physically tired. Wonho could see the exhaustion in his face, in his eyes. Namjoon used to have some of the most expressive eyes, an emotive face, but with age and experience, his features have become sharper, more defined, and more empty.

“You’ll get her back,” Wonho muses, bringing his glass up to his lips finally and taking a quick drink, used to the harsh flavour of the liquor, “Yeonjun-ie is in there with her, yeah?”

The purple haired man nodded solemnly, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. “Yeah,” he drawled, thinking of the right words to say. He looks up at Wonho and then takes a quick look around the room, eyeing the door to make sure it’s closed and there are no listening ears. “We don’t have much time, Seok-ie,” Wonho winces at the name, but nods along anyways, “Yeonjun told me what they’re planning, what they- they’re going to do to her.” Namjoon sets his glass down on the bar, elbows resting on the cool wood and rubs a hand down his face. He shakes his head before looking back up at his friend.

Wonho looks conflicted. He knows that Namjoon is an empath by nature, a martyr by choice, and a leader by force. He understands that Namjoon will put anyone before himself, and cares deeply for those, who in his eyes, he wants to save from the horrors of the world. Wonho knows the other man will do whatever it takes to get you back, and so there is no use trying to talk him out of it, no matter how bad of an idea he thinks it is. They barely know you, Wonho knows he wouldn’t risk himself and his closest friends, family even, for a girl who probably doesn’t care about them either way. But he’s not going to push, he knows where that’ll get him.

“Joon,” Wonho starts, setting his glass down and walking around the bar to place a comforting hand on Namjoon’s shoulder, “you guys can stay here however long you need. I’m here for you, man. You know that.”

Namjoon nods to his friend, eyes still trained on the bar top, “Thanks, Seok.”

Upstairs, the others have split up between the three available rooms, Jungkook and Jin in their own room, Hoseok, Jimin, Tae in another, while Yoongi waits in the third for Namjoon. Most of them have showered and replaced their dirty, wet clothes with extras from the wardrobe in Namjoon and Yoongi’s room, a culmination of left-over clothes from Wonho’s employees or ex-lovers, they assume.

Jimin and Tae were the last to shower, letting the others wash the day away first, allowing Jin and Jungkook to get settled so they could have their private conversations, their private moment with each other, the others knew they needed it.

Jimin stepped out of the shower and was immediately handed a towel by a dripping wet Taehyung, to which he gave the younger a sad smile. The two stood in a comfortable silence, towelling off their wet locks.

Taehyung was facing away from Jimin, staring at the wooden door that led out to the hallway, lost in his thoughts, when Jimin finished drying off. He stepped up behind the taller boy, wrapping his short arms around Tae’s middle. Both of them were still only wrapped in towels, not yet having gone to find clothes. Jimin’s firm chest pressed up against Taehyung’s slimmer frame, making the younger shiver.

“What’s on your mind, Taehyung-ie?”

Taehyung sniffles, making Jimin panic and move around him to get a better look at his face. Jimin’s emotive eyes search Taehyung’s brown orbs, looking for any sign of hurt, or pain, that he could help ease.

“I don’t even know her, Jimin-ie,” he clears his throat, a sore attempt and biting back the tears that threaten to fall, “b-but I feel so terrible.” Taehyung brings his hands up to his eyes, pushing the heel of his hands into his eye socket, willing away the onslaught of tears.

“Shh,” Jimin shushes his other half, wrapping both arms around his center and bringing him closer to his chest. Despite the height difference, Taehyung always felt small in Jimin’s arms. He wasn’t sure what to say to the tall boy right now. He was there in the facility with him, knew what he had gone through, watched with his own two eyes what those people are capable of.

The two of them have been best friends since middle school, having grown up in the same neighborhood, and have been inseparable ever since. Their likeness and similar genes had dubbed them ‘the twins’ since a young age, and they sometimes really did feel that way.

Jimin has always been the tougher one, the one to stand up in the face of prejudice, protecting his other half. Taehyung has always been the softer of the two, more trusting, sometimes to a fault. He was always the sweet one, the first one to make friends. They worked well together, and made up for where the other lacked. They made a perfect team, so it only made sense when they first confessed to the other.

That was over six years ago now, before they were found by Big Hit, before they learned the reality that is their DNA. The pair attended university together in their hometown, never suspecting they were any different from their natural born peers, until one day a representative from Big Hit approached them on campus, offering them a life of luxury. They were tricked into believing that if they sold their DNA, they would become rich. They could pay off their school debts, move away and buy a house, have the life they always dreamed of. It was appealing to them at the time, and only being twenty one years old, they fell for it.

They had been promised room and board and compensation for their time, which was initially only supposed to be three months. Once they left school and arrived in Seoul, they realized they were in over their heads. The first couple of months was decent enough. They shared a small, yet comfortable, room at the facility. They had access to a gym, a pool, and a rec room. They just had to make themselves available during the day for testing, and were fed a specific diet and mostly vegetable and protein to keep them healthy. It didn’t seem like such a bad tradeoff.

That was until their three month contract ended, and they were given an ultimatum: comply, and get to stay together, or try to leave and fight back, and they would be separated. Jimin was initially very combative, and did everything in his power to put a stop to it, but soon realized he cared more about Taehyung than he did his own freedom, so he eventually submitted to the doctors and scientists, and was allowed to keep living in his cramped room with his boyfriend.

The testing continued on both of them for about a year, until they realized that Taehyung was different. His DNA was more special, more in demand, than Jimin’s, and so they kicked Jimin out of the facility. He ended up living on the streets, only to be found and pulled back to Big Hit three months later after Taehyung suffered a mental break because of his boyfriend’s absence. And so, Jimin and Taehyung lived at the facility together for the last three years on and off.

While Jimin was absent, Taehyung had met Hoseok, another resident of Big Hit, and Hoseok fell for the young man, doing his best to protect him in his lover’s absence. When Jimin returned, the three of them ended up becoming inseparable, until Hoseok’s eventual release, and subsequent meeting with Namjoon which led to the twins' first breakout.

“Come, baby,” Jimin whispered to his boyfriend, pulling at his hand and leading him out of the bathroom. They made the short trip down the hallway to the room they had settled in with Hoseok. Said man was already waiting for them sitting on the edge of the bed, fresh clothes in a pile behind him.

When the younger two entered the room, Hoseok immediately stood from the bed and made his way towards the sniffling Taehyung. Jimin still had one arm around the boy, both naked save for the white towels wrapped around their waists. Hoseok reached out for both men, one hand on each of their hips as he led both of them towards the bed. Jimin left Tae’s side for a moment, grabbing the clothes and dressing quickly before handing over the soft t-shirt and boxers to Taehyung.

“T-thanks,” Tae muttered, keeping his eyes trained down, not wanting to see the worry etched across either of his lovers’ faces.

“What’s going on, Tae Tae?” Hoseok asked gently, not wanting to push the younger.

Jimin sat on the bed and scooted back so Taehyung could sit in front of him. Hoseok brought one leg up onto the mattress, turning his entire body towards Tae, giving him his full attention. The two on the bed watched as their once blue haired lover dressed and sat down with them.

“I- I don’t know, Hobi,” he squeaked out, rubbing a large hand over his entire face before letting both arms fall beside him, exasperated.

Jimin scooched towards him, wrapping his legs around him and kissing his shoulder, “It’s okay, Tae,” he whispered against his skin, “I know what you mean. We might not know her, but it’s obviously affecting Jin and Kookie, maybe even Yoongi. And I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you have more knowledge about what goes on in there than any of us.”

Hoseok nods along with Jimin’s words, knowing Tae has been very private about the things that happened to him behind closed doors at the facility. Even though both Jimin and Hoseok were with him in there, at least for some of the time, he never gave them details about what exactly happened to him and was only vague in his explanations. Jimin wishes that he would talk to him, but understands that he doesn’t want to relieve the things that were done to him. He’s witnessed his nightmares enough times to know it’s not worth it.

Hoseok brings a hand up to rub at Taehyung’s back, his shirt slightly wet and sticking to his broad shoulders. His eyes soften as he watches the youngest in the room bring his knees up to his chest and hug tightly, laying his head on the top of his knees. “This is silly,” he scoffs, “I don’t even know her.”

“Hey, don’t do that,” Hoseok starts, a frown marring his handsome face. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to finish his thought as risk of upsetting Taehyung even more, but decided to voice his thoughts after a look shared with Jimin, “Just because you don’t know her, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care. Sh-she seems like a sweet girl, genuine. Jungkook and Seokjin really took a liking to her,” he bit his lip when Tae looked up at him through wet lashes, “and anyone who can make Yoongi think twice must be a keeper, right?” He tried to lighten the mood with his joke, but Taehyung’s frown only deepened.

It was Jimin who broke the silence next, “We will get her back, Tae, and then we’ll get to know her alongside the other guys. I know you guys didn’t have much time with her, but it seems like she’s got most of you wrapped around her finger.” Jimin smirks at the older man next to him, bumping his shoulder against his.

Hoseok smiles lightly, but it quickly turns into a lopsided frown at the reminder. He’s really the only one who hasn’t spoken to you in length. The most he ever spoke to you was when he woke you up last night. It felt like a lifetime ago already, even though it’s only been twenty four hours. Would he ever get a chance to know you better? He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thought, if not for himself, then for the others. He can’t deny the weird feeling he gets in his gut when he thinks about you, and he’s certain the others have a similar feeling if the soft eyes Yoongi gave you was any indication.

“How do you know?” Tae asked in a quiet voice, looking up at his hyung.

“Hmm?” Hoseok snaps his attention back to the younger, reminded of where he was, “How do I know what?”

“You said she’s a keeper.”

“O-oh. Well,” Hoseok started, pursing his lips as he thought carefully about his next words, “to be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jungkook-ie so heartbroken. He’s obviously really affected by this, and you know him. He doesn’t warm up to people very quickly, so for him to be this torn up is really telling of his feelings. Jin-hyung, too.”

Taehyung and Jimin nod along with Hoseok’s words, having seen the duo earlier, any attempts at comforting them had been brushed off, the two only seeking out the other. They saw it, they saw the way the others seem to break at the thought of you being at Big Hit. They could tell you were something special, and Jimin was determined to make sure he got to learn first hand what exactly it was that made you so special to the others.

“We’re going to figure this out,” Jimin says to the others, to which Hoseok nods, “and you’re gonna help, right Tae Tae?”

Taehyung perks up, turning around to look at the blonde behind him, “Of course I will.”

Jimin gives him a soft smile, as Hoseok continues rubbing at his back and shoulders. “Let’s get to bed, hm?” Hoseok asks, standing up and gesturing towards the headboard. Both men nod, moving to get up as well.

Once the three of them are safely under the covers, Taehyung sandwiched between the other two, Jimin presses a kiss to the back of Tae’s head. Hoseok leans in and does the same to Tae’s cheek, making the youngest smile softly. “Goodnight, Tae.”

The younger two fall asleep rather quickly, having been spent from hiking all the way into town, but what Hoseok wouldn’t tell them is that he laid in bed until the early hours of the morning, listening to the soft sobs of Jungkook next door.

To be continued...

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#bts x reader #poly bts #bts angst #bts fluff #bts smut

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unimpressedperson · 3 years

Text

Diary Entry: Sorority

I spent the year of 2020 cloistered in my home and took this never-ending time to study about the faces of feminism. Some books and articles were revisited, but like ‘The Beauty Myth’ by Naomi Wolf I read it for the very first time. Every new work I absorbed to realize how used to the injustice and pain we’re used, then it feels normal, ordinary. Men underestimating or gaslighting us feels common.

Fighting against this feeling of custom isn’t new, women have been building, dwelling and owning the concept of revolution and equity for ages, trying to be seem as a human, because that’s what we are, not a toy, a joyful little ornament to possess. Striving is a ceaseless occurrence. If we settle, then the tide takes us back to tempestuous times.

Meditating within those thoughts, it’s perfectly possible to see how far we’ve came. From having to watch many sisters die in order to have labor legislation applying in our behalf - kind of -, reading about how Suffragettes were portrayed solely for demanding the voting rights (they were portrayed as ogres, enemies, unloved creatures), the right of maternity leave, choosing to marry and take a last name or keep ours. Black women, their fights were even more brutal, seeking for the right to get a higher level of education, existing without restraints.

Their fight. Our fight. Women’s fight.

Sorority is about supporting each other in our inner-fights, on battles fought as a group and as individuals, ‘cause in the end all the results resounds on ourselves. It’s also the understanding that some of those struggles won’t affect everyone the same, for differences brought by a whole divergent set of bias (racism, transphobia...).

Sorority is what brought me here to write this diary entry.

Yesterday I heard some sad news: Jesy Nelson left Little Mix, after 9 years, in order to work on her psychological health, following years of virtual harassment.

I could feel my stomach folding and heart aching with anxiety when I read it on Twitter.

Jesy Nelson is one of the most talented people in the world. One of the most beautiful and brave women to ever set a foot in this world. Also one of those whose privileges never stopped the cyberbullying and, consequently, took the mental toll, that dimmed the light and dreams out of her.

Do you know how much virtual attack a person needs to receive in order to give up on a dream?

Jesy spent nine years of her life working with entertainment, a patriarchal industry long known for the mistreatment towards women. Back in 2011 she joined The X-Factor trying to make her dreams of working with art come true. In fact, with three other women (Perrie Edwards, Leigh-Anne Pinnock and Jade Thirlwall) she hiked her way to the top and won that TV show. Little Mix became huge and from the beginning brought messages of sorority, supporting and love for who you are. However, positive messages were commonly replied with attacks, harassment, cruel words thrown effortlessly by people and received hard as a rock by them.

In theory, loving who you are, is easier said than done. A woman who loves herself is dangerous. Throughout the years, their skin grew thicker, but it’s impossible to ignore it, if from the beginning people chose to pinch your insecurities. Jesy went through hell and back because of her appearance, her weight, size, etc.

In 2019, Jesy released a documentary with BBC called ‘Odd One Out’ and talked openly about the experience as a celebrity, a public person. The whole narrative heart-breaking: what began as an unique opportunity, the Willy Wonka golden ticket for stardom, is now filled with spikes of humour, constant insecurity, panic crisis and an everyday struggling, trying to keep true to herself and healing. Watching someone whose life never been easy, sobbing about how online scrutiny ruined her dreams, that shattered every piece of my heart.

Sometimes people forget that celebrities are humans too.

I’m not a Mixer (I gave up on using fandom names it’s been years now), but as a woman whose been struggling with the consequences of harassment and bullying through 11 long years, her pain resonated. Imagine dealing with mean and destructive comments coming from all over the world, people you’ve never met or heard of, but still they had a say in your appearance, you dancing, your body, your life.

Internet created a whole new layer of problems, both for men and women, but considering we still live in an unstable society, the burden always gets heavier on a female’s back.

Suddenly peer-pressure is tempting to ruin your confidence on your appearance, intelligence, self-worth, talent, capability, your will and strength. You can get in touch with victims in similar situation, but also opens tabs for more attacks on aspects of yourself you’ve never paid a thought before. It gives you fuel to light a dream and then push you against the cold water. It gives you the right to love sex, but exposes and humiliates you when the opportunity is given. In the end, internet treat a woman’s body as if it is public domain. My body belong to myself.

The only thing we own from the very first breath in this world is our bodies. Everything else we grow up absorbing and learning.

Internet is no longer a no-man’s land - slowly laws are being created to stop cyberbullying -, but the negative content and the nightmares set previously will never be completely erased. It creates new prejudices, new concerns. Our daily fights now approaches the virtual ambience, trying to find justice.

Jesy is indeed a talented women, with an unreal stage presence, an astounding voice. However her sanity is worth more than our happiness and satisfaction. As I mentioned before, we are so used to the pain and masked-injustice, that stepping up against it seems unrealistic, but owning your fate is the best measure to recover.

I’ll always support Jesy, and every women that chooses her happiness and mental health, because in the end of the day it’s all about sorority again.

I feel that every woman loses a little bit as well when one of us gives up on her dreams, surrendering after not being capable of bearing the pressure of existing - simply existing and endeavouring - in a world that doesn’t want us succeeding.

That’s how I realize how far we’ve got to date, yet there’s still a long way down to go.

Once we fought for the right of having dreams, now we battle for keeping them. Dreams should never die.

#Sorority #Little Mix #Jesy Nelson #Perrie Edwards #Jade Thirlwall #Leigh-Anne Pinnock #venting #Diary Entry #Thank you Jesy #Feminism #Simone de Beauvoir #Naomi Wolf #The Beauty Myth #The Second Sex #Blogging #Dreams #Stop cyberbullying #Women

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