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venusvity · 2 years

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주초희 …… ( DOLL BONES. )

❝I was not a pet, not a doll, not an animal. I was a survivor, and I was strong.❞ ― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury.

CHARACTERS : CHLOE … KANG JIAH … JUNG YOONAH

WORDS : 3.3K

WARNINGS / NOTES : Abusive Relationships. Sexual Assault Trauma. Coping with said trauma. Angst. Physical Fighting. Mental Illness. This piece is pretty heavy as it deals with the trauma Chloe has been through in her abusive relationships and how she copes with said traumas. While no sexual assault is explicitly or graphically mentioned, it is a heavy implied through out the whole piece. I urge you to not read this piece if you are sensitive to any of the topics mentioned above. Stay safe and hope you enjoy.

Chloe feels as if she’s always been kept in a glass box. She’s a fragile glass doll that people keep locked away until they're bored. When they’re bored, they forcefully break the case open and take her out roughly. They leave cracks on her skin and tear up her dress, her hair ends up tangled, and she isn’t as shiny as before. Then they put her back and Chloe has to wait until it happens again.

She never is able to fight these intrusions into her glass box. She used to fight them. The sanctity and cleanliness of her case were once a high priority but are now nothing more than a memory. The glass has too many smudges from large hands she can’t wipe clean no matter how hard she scrubs. There are cracks she can’t fix because she doesn’t know how to.

Despite the case being damaged, she keeps herself together and pretty always. Chloe is always pretty. Chloe will always be pretty even if the world she built around her is turning to ashes, Chloe will always put her makeup on and have her hair done.

She didn’t search for Hyojin. Hyojin found her.

“Do you like The Smiths?” He asked her the first time they met. Chloe had no idea who The Smith were but she nodded nonetheless.

“Yeah. My dad listened to them.” No, he didn’t. Hyojin didn’t need to know the truth.

Chloe was lonely when she first met Hyojin. She thinks that’s why she finds herself involved with men who hurt her so often. Her loneliness is so loud and consuming, it needs something to calm it, to put it back to sleep so Chloe can do basic tasks without feeling like she’s being weighted down by something she can’t physically remove.

The beginning with Hyojin was nice enough. He took Chloe on dates, gave her gifts, and texted her every day just like she imagined her first boyfriend would. It was almost too perfect.

Chloe should’ve seen it coming. She thinks back on it with a lot of regret now.

The first time it happened Chloe didn’t even process it was a bad thing. She just thought sex was supposed to hurt and was supposed to be rough. That’s what all the videos Hyojin showed her looked like. The women in them usually crying or making sounds of pain. That’s just what was supposed to happen.

It wasn’t until the 3rd time they had sex did she start realizing maybe something wasn’t right. She’s been given the talks, she’s heard all the phrases: No means no. Stop means stop.

No didn’t mean no to Hyojin. Stop meant nothing to him either.

A seed was planted that night. A seed that grew over the months they were together into a twisted pine tree inside Chloe. The pine needles punctured everywhere making daily life more and more uncomfortable for her.

The discomfort turned into self-destruction fast. Whenever Chloe was alone, she’d scream. She’d scream, and scream, and scream until she was sure her throat was raw and she just couldn’t anymore. If the screaming wasn’t enough, she’d throw herself into walls until she was too tired to do it anymore.

Chloe refused to swallow the pill that Hyojin was a bad guy. That he was doing more harm to her body that good––More harm to her than good. Though Chloe refused to see it, her friends noticed almost instantly.

There have always been whispers about Hyojin. Whispers talking about how touchy he was, how forceful he was with girls, silent accusations on his name. It was enough to keep most people away from him. Jiah has an instant disdain for him. She did the dorm’s laundry. She saw the blood on Chloe’s sheets. She couldn’t stand him.

But no matter how many times she asked Chloe about it, Chloe wouldn’t say anything bad about Hyojin. She never complained. Jiah knew she couldn’t just impose on Chloe’s happiness abruptly. So, she waited for Chloe to talk about it.

Chloe never talked about it even when the writing was on the wall.

Soon Jiah didn’t need Chloe to open the floodgates. Instead, it was someone unsuspected. Nakyung.

Jiah remembers that night too vividly even years later. It’s a scary thing to see a gigantic man pinning a terrified girl half his size to the counter, his hand over her mouth and her eyes wide with terror. It looked like something out of a fucked up movie, something you only have flashes of in your head, something you never planned on seeing.

Jiah sometimes wonders what would happen if she didn’t go out to get water at 2 AM. If she didn’t scream as if her life depended on it.

“Chloe–”

“Stop. Stop talking about it. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You have to talk about it,” Yoonah says sharply as she stands in front of the door, refusing to let Chloe out even with her hand on the doorknob. “Does he put his hands on you?”

Chloe pulls on the knob, trying to open the door even with Yoonah against it. Yoonah doesn’t budge, pressing harder against her bedroom door with pursed lips as her hand shoves Chloe’s off the knob.

“Does he hurt you, Chloe?” Yoonah asks louder, almost yelling at her. Chloe doesn’t like loud noises. She doesn’t like yelling specifically. It makes her feel like the walls are closing in and she can’t catch her breath. She’s trapped in this room and Yoonah’s only making it worse. Yoonah always makes it worse.

“Let me out. I want to leave.” Chloe says as sternly as she can with tears in her eyes, still reaching for the doorknob as her hands shake. Yoonah shakes her head, pushing her hands away. She wants answers so she’ll get them.

“No. He tried to rape Nakyung in our kitchen. I need to know if that sick fuck–”

“Don’t talk about him like that!” It’s automatic. Chloe’s first instinct is to protect Hyojin because Hyojin would protect her. She knows he would.

Yoonah looks stunned, eyes wide and brows raised. Chloe fights for the door harder which only makes Yoonah fight harder, shoving Chloe away from it and into the center of the room with her hands on her arms to keep her in place.

“You don’t know anything about him or what happened–”

“I do! I do know him, Chloe! Everyone knows him because he’s a fucking creep!”

“Shut up!” Chloe screams, taking the intensity in the already intense room up by twenty. She thrashes in Yoonah’s arms, lifting her hands to take her hair into them and grab on tightly. It makes Yoonah scream, balling her hands into fists and hitting wherever she can on Chloe just so she’ll let go.

“Let go of me, you fucking freak!” Yoonah yells as Chloe still holds on tightly to her hair.

“You don’t get it! You just don’t get it!” Chloe yells between sobs. Chloe doesn’t even know when she started crying but she’s crying hard. Harder than Yoonah’s ever seen her. Harder than Chloe’s ever cried before.

Yoonah doesn’t want to get it. She just wants answers.

“You know what he did! Stop defending him!”

“He didn’t do anything!”

“You’re pathetic!”

“You’re the worst person I’ve ever met!” Chloe screams in return, throwing Yoonah into a wall by her hair with a yell. Yoonah catches herself against the wall, not hitting it half as hard as she was meant to. Yoonah gives Chloe a look of wide-eyed hatred and anger.

Chloe isn’t stupid. At least she wasn’t when Yoonah knew her. Maybe Yoonah doesn’t know this Chloe. Whatever happened to the version of Chloe that she called her friend, she doesn’t know and isn’t sure she’ll ever know with how Chloe’s acting now.

“You’re a coward…Just like your boyfriend,” Yoonah snaps coldly, standing up straight and staring straight into Chloe’s soul and stabbing right through it with each word. Chloe breathes deeply in through her mouth and out her nose, blinking a few times at Yoonah’s words only answering with silence.

“Who is never allowed back in this dorm. If I see him here there will be issues, Chloe. I mean it,” Yoonah has never been this serious with Chloe before––She’s never been this serious at all if Chloe’s being honest. Still, she doesn’t reply, just staring and blinking at her friend with deep breaths.

Yoonah looks Chloe up and down before looking back at her face. There’s a flash of compassion on Yoonah’s face before it’s replaced with coldness again.

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stop seeing him. You’re going to ruin yourself for a sicko who only wants you for one reason.” Yoonah hopes her words cut deep and get to Chloe. She really hopes she gets it and leaves while she still can, while her head is still somewhat above water.

Chloe didn’t leave Hyojin. Of course, she didn’t.

The burden of his crime was shifted over to Nakyung. It took Hyojin months to do it. To convince Chloe to stop talking to her, stop listening to her, to convince her that it was her idea, that Nakyung is just an evil lying woman who wanted to ruin him and Chloe’s relationship. Of course, there were holes in his story but Chloe chose to be ignorant to those holes. The gaps and unanswered questions remained just that: Gaps and unanswered questions.

Hyojin wasn’t dumb. He was calculated and smart. Too smart. He knew exactly how to get Chloe to believe in his faux innocence. He just had to be nice to her then he could get whatever he wanted.

Chloe thinks it all started crumbling around her when Hyojin convinced her to get Nakyung removed from Venus. They were on the rise, growing in popularity with each comeback, and after the kitchen incident, Hyojin had a deep-rooted desire to ruin Nakyung’s life as he felt she did to his.

Hyojin never faced a single repercussion for what he did to Nakyung nor for what he did to Chloe or for the countless other girls who claimed he made their skin crawl. There was never a consequence for him only for the girls he decided to break for his own twisted enjoyment.

Three months after the kitchen incident, Nakyung was removed from Venus. Chloe felt indifferent to it. Hyojin was overjoyed. If she’s being honest, she doesn’t remember that time that well. She thinks seeing the look on Nakyung’s face when Jinhwa told her she was going to be replaced was enough to knock Chloe somewhat back into the reality Hyojin long removed her from.

There was a small part of her that felt bad but at the same time, she didn’t. She did it to make Hyojin happy and that’s all she wanted. Even now, Chloe doesn’t believe she’d apologize to Nakyung for what she did. She has no interest in talking to Nakyung to any degree, let alone apologizing to her over something she feels nothing over now.

Still, she should thank her. That look grounded her for the first time in over a year.

Chloe broke up with Hyojin for the first time two months after Nakyung was kicked.

Then on and off phase started.

No one really stuck around for the on-and-off phase but Jiah. Jiah always stuck around. Jiah and Chloe share a love so pure not many understand it. Chloe’s grateful for it. Chloe is grateful for Jiah.

Chloe would do anything for Jiah and Jiah would do anything for Chloe.

Jiah doesn’t understand Chloe’s addiction to men that hurt her. First, it was Hyojin, then it was Kiha, then it was Daeul, and with the possibility of a good man practically handed to her, she’s throwing it away.

“San is a nice guy, Chloe.”

“Yeah,” Chloe says as she sits between Jiah’s legs. The younger brushes Chloe’s long red hair out, sighing through her nose at Chloe’sless than enthusiastic response.

“I just want you to be happy,” Jiah says with a small shake of her head, “And safe. I want you safe.”

“I am safe. I’m always safe with guys. You don’t have to worry about me, Jiah.” Chloe says calmly, playing with her fingers. A nervous tick. Jiah knows everything about Chloe. She always moves with purpose. Jiah’s round eyes bounce from Chloe’s hands to the back of her head.

“I always worry about you.” Jiah thinks she’s processed Chloe’s trauma faster than Chloe has. She’s never actually talked about Kiha or what happened there. All Jiah knows is that on his first uninvited night here, Chloe’s sheets were so bloodstained she had to throw them out.

Jiah still has no idea why.

Chloe’s told Jiah some details about her relationship with Daeul. Just from the few things she’s learned, Jiah doesn’t think they should be together. They’re ticking time bombs desperately waiting to go off and together Jiah thinks they’ll make an explosion so catastrophic that everything and everyone around them will change.

Jiah doesn’t want to see that. Jiah doesn’t want to have to alter her way of living again because of Chloe’s choices.

There’s a tightness in Jiah’s throat as she feels words she’s dying to say begin to claw their way out of her mouth. Her hand slowly stops brushing, lips twitching softly as she blinks at the back of Chloe’s head.

“I just want you to be with a man who doesn’t brutalize you,” Jiah says flatly. She doesn’t mean it to sound as flat as it comes out but she’s tired. She’s aching because she’s so tired of watching Chloe repeat the same process and come out with more and more bruises each time.

Chloe stiffens, staring at her wall harder than before. If she stares hard enough maybe a hole will be burnt into it and she can crawl away. She hates this conversation that Jiah is always the one to push. She doesn’t need it.

Chloe is fine.

“Daeul doesn’t–”

“Please don’t even try to lie for him. We all hear what happens in Yoonah’s room,” Jiah sharply interrupts, “If he’s hitting her I can’t imagine what he’s doing to you.”

Chloe looks back at Jiah with knitted brows. She feels targeted it’s clear but Jiah isn’t going to back down this time. She can’t. She’s let this go on for too long.

“What does that mean?” Chloe asks, tone equally as sharp.

“If he beats on the girl he loves I know he beats on the one he’s using to get off,” Jiah doesn’t know where her defensiveness is coming from but it’s there. It’s so clear in her voice and she just can’t hide it but she doesn’t want to. At this point, she fears it’s what Chloe needs and has always needed, Jiah has just been too scared to give it to her.

Jiah and Chloe stare hard at one another, blinking at one another like the other is stupid.

“Listen, I get going through what you went through is hard but how–”

“What I’ve been through?” Chloe repeats, causing Jiah to give her a knowing look. She doesn’t want to say it out loud because it’s never been said out loud. Chloe raises her brows challenging at Jiah as she stands from between her legs.

Her arms cross over her chest and it makes Jiah sigh, pushing herself to her feet to tower Chloe already.

“You’ve been through a lot, Chloe. You can say it.”

“I haven’t been through anything.” Chloe quickly snaps, making Jiah’s head move back in shock.

“You haven’t? What about the blood on your sheets the first time Hyojin stayed the night? Or the blood on your sheets the first time Kiha spent the night? Or what about–”

“Enough.”

“Or what about the bruises on you when you–”

“Jiah, stop.”

“When you came back from seeing Daeul? Nothing happened? You haven’t been through anything?” Jiah is defensive. She’s angry. Why can’t Chloe accept bad things happened to her? She doesn’t get why Chloe doesn’t try to get better or at least try to see how bad she’s gotten. Jiah’s jaw is tight and her voice has risen to just below shouting. Chloe has tears in her big doe eyes as her teeth grit together.

“You’ve been in denial about Hyojin for years now, Chloe. Years! It’s okay to–”

“It’s not okay! It’s not okay!” Chloe is shouting now, ten times louder than Jiah ever planned on getting. They’ve yelled at each other before but not over anything this serious.

“Why? Why is it not okay?” Jiah shouts back, raising her voice to be as loud. She won’t let Chloe overpower her or tantrum her way out this time. She can’t, not anymore.

“Because!”

“Because why?”

“Things like that don’t happen to girls like me!” Chloe nearly screams, her body moving with every word and foot stomping at the end of her sentence. Jiah thinks she resembles a child when she gets like this. It’s like Chloe never really grew up.

Jiah’s eyebrows knit together.

“Girls like you?” Jiah asks, voice lower in volume but sharpness never dulled. Chloe groans as if Jiah just asked the dumbest question.

“Girls like me.” Chloe repeats. It doesn’t make sense. Jiah doesn’t know what girls like Chloe means. Chloe was normal. Chloe was kind. Chloe was good.

Jiah just stares at the body of her friend. She doesn’t think Chloe’s in there anymore. Something ate her soul and tore it to shreds, leaving nothing but her body behind. It makes Jiah ache.

“No one deserves what he put you through. What they put you through,” Jiah says they with a lot of venom. Chloe can feel the hatred in her bones. “They’re sick and so are you–”

“I’m not–”

“It’s not normal, Chloe,” Jiah interjects almost brokenly, “It’s not normal to let them do what they do to you.” Jiah thinks that if she whispers the words maybe Chloe will absorb them better. It almost feels like she does, her round doe eyes flooding with tears as Jiah’s do the same.

“I don’t…understand it all. I’ll never really get it. I’ve read things to try and get it, so I can help you, but I know I won’t really understand what it’s like to have that happen to me,” Jiah whispers as she steps closer to Chloe, taking her arms in her hands with a deep breath, “I’ve read that it’s not unusal for…people who’ve gone through what you’ve been through to cope like you do but safely. Safely, Chloe. You shouldn’t be bleeding or bruised from coping, Chlo.” Chloe’s breaking, Jiah can see it with how she shuts her eyes and shakes her head like she can push Jiah’s words out of her head if she does so.

They don’t go away. They stick to every corner of her mind because she’s right. Jiah’s always right. That’s why Chloe likes her so much.

“I just…don’t know…” Chloe tries to explain but her throat is tight and she can’t, head falling down and resting on Jiah’s chest, causing the younger to wrap her arms tightly around her with a shaky inhale. Jiah feels Chloe’s arms wrap around her torso, crying quietly into her chest with a sob.

Jiah just holds her for a while. Her hand runs through her soft black hair, offering Chloe a few moments of peace before she speaks again.

“Please stop seeing them,” Jiah whispers, causing Chloe to hold tighter onto her. “I’ll spend more time with you, Chlo. We can go places together. Just please stop hurting yourself. We can’t–”

“We?” Chloe mumbles, holding tighter onto her. Chloe seems shocked at the precedent that other people would care about her. Jiah nods.

“Jacob is so worried and so is Jamie. Everyone is so worried about you, Chlo. We’ll–We’ll help you. We just want to help you.” Jiah explains as the tears that teetered on her waterline spill over her full cheeks. Chloe is silent in disbelief, holding tighter onto Jiah.

Slowly, in front of Chloe’s wide watery eyes, her world starts to get clearer.

#╰ * VENUS : scenarios ⧽ burn it to the ground .#on god mind those tags #fictional idol group #fictional idol community #kpop fanfic #idol oc #kpop oc #fake kpop oc #kpop au #idol au #kpop addition

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read-watch-listen-17 · 2 years

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SPOILERS - Kingdom of Ash (Throne of Glass book 7)

It took a lot longer for me to process everything that happened in this book than I thought it would and then Christmas happened so here are some of my final commentary/thoughts on this book.

Aedion talking to Evangeline and Lysandra 💔

Manon showing up with the Thirteen and the Crochans, I felt like I was watching the scene from LOTR when they’re at Helms Deep and the Elves show up, and I’m not mad about it. That’s one of my favorite things. ❤️❤️❤️

😭😭😭😭😭 It was sad enough when I thought Abraxos was going to die, but then the Thirteen went and sacrificed themselves. My heart is broken for Manon. But it does sound like the wastes are coming alive again. So suffering, but we’re happy about it?

Okay now that my emotions have settled after that rollercoaster of Lock forging. I was hoping the same thing Rowan was. That if Aelin and Dorian did it together it would only take half their magic, but of course there’s a loop hole kind of. She lied to Rowan 🥺 but she did it. With a little help from Mala of course, but had she not asked about Elena that may not have happened. I think it’s sad that her power is basically gone now though. She’s permanently Fae which isn’t a bad thing. How are they going to destroy all the valg without her fire though? Not to mention Erawan and Maeve? I feel like we took one step forward and two steps back.

Evangeline and Darrow were adorable, and that he gave Aedion back the sword and reconciled with Lysandra AND asking Evangeline to be his heir ❤️❤️❤️

THIS IS SO INTENSE!!!!

NOOOOO!!! GAVRIEL!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

I had to put down the book after that and I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to be able to pick it back up.

Aelin spilling all of Maeves secrets and plans to Erawan was hilarious!

THEY DID IT!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳 THAT WAS SO INTENSE!!!

I love that Fenrys got to stab Maeve, and that Aelin told her to go to hell.

I don’t know what the right word to describe it is, but the fact that Aelin doesn’t set foot inside the city, her home, until the final battle is over, just...I don’t know how to describe it. It just gets to me, like it fits, it’s right. And that conversation between her and Darrow when she reaches him. That Aelin told Evangeline to win her back her throne and she kind of did. It was all very well thought out.

Aelin and Aedion’s reunion 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

Aelin giving Gabriel the blood oath even in death 😭😭💔💔

Lorcan and Elides conversation, and Lorcan saying he’ll bind his life to hers so neither will have to live without the other!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I love that Aelin keeps her word to Aedion and she gives him the blood oath in front of everyone at her coronation just like he wanted 🤣 and the Little Folk give her Mabs crown again. Which fits perfectly with her other crown. ❤️

Everyone gets to go home, including the witches who received proof the lands are no longer dying. Lorcan and Elide get married. Aedion and Lysandra engaged, and Yrene promises to return when Aelin is pregnant ❤️

And of course one thing I’ve been waiting to see since it was first mentioned. Aelin looks out her balcony one morning to see everything covered in blooming Kingsflame. All her hard work and everything they’ve all been through, she gets confirmation that the better world she was working toward is theirs.

This book, this whole series was just amazing. I can’t believe it took me so long to read it. Now all I want is to read it again, but it’s so long and I have other books I want to read as well. Including A Court of Thorns and Roses and Crescent City. I don’t know how anything can compare to Throne of Glass though. I’m almost afraid to read anything else. Although my TBR list has exploded recently, thanks booktok. Now that I’ve semi recovered from Throne of Glass I guess it’s time to start ACOTAR. Crossing my fingers it’s as good as people have said.

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b00kish4life · 3 years

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Nessian in a nutshell

Cassian: I’m cold

Nesta, buried under blankets, scarves, hats, and Cass’a sweaters, as well as three layers of pants: Can’t help you, sorry.

#nessian #acotar #sarah Maas #savage nesta #innocent spicy hot bean that is cassian #i can’t hashtag to save my life #still waiting for that hessian book Sarah!#survivor of Maas destruction #i came back from the dead after god knows how long #shitposts galore

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theffiles · 5 years

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Trying to find a General with a heart of gold and a lot of muscle. Sense of humor and low levels of maturity are a must.

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peakysanakin · 3 years

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a bit about Elain's trauma and why it correlates with her rejecting her mating bond with Lucien in the future, a thread:

(WARNING: this post isn't about ships, except Elucien because Lucien is a key factor in Elain's trauma. )

Everyone deals with trauma in their own way and that's totally okay. Some are destructive, some shut people up and others want to not feel anything. Elain, just as Nesta, went into the Cauldron and those moments were horrific for her.

She is literally dragged and shoved into the Cauldron while she cries, struggles and kicks to escape the guards' grasps. The guards and the King keep laughing at her during the whole time.

Elain is used as an experiment for the Queens.

She is used as if she was a mere object.

Her body has been changed forever and she is practically naked, completely terrified and in shock from whatever she has gone through inside the Cauldron. (We know how terrifying and horrible it can be because of Nesta's experience.) Everyone is looking at her, some are even laughing.

Do you know how violating this could feel? To be left naked and vulnerable in front of people who have just terrorized you? How would you feel?

We don't know what she goes through inside the Cauldron, but it was probably very painful and terrifying. Then, she is thrown off it and she experiences this horrific scene, and her mating bond with Lucien snaps.

Another thing has been decided for her.

Not only has her body and life been changed forever without her consent, now her romantic relationship has been decided for her as well. And it's with a man who participated in the plan that made this horrific moment happen.

Lucien is an accomplice of that. He isn't a bad person, but he is CLEARLY an accomplice. (GO NESTA!!)

Elain is dealing with her trauma and she doesn't own Lucien anything. She suffered so much, she was broken and traumatized by what happened to her.

And Lucien and their mate bond are a BIG reminder of the day her body and life were changed against her own will.

We don't know much about her, but we have seen enough of her suffering and how traumatized she is in the books. Feyre always admired Elain's strength, because being kind and gentle in a world so dark takes balls, you know? Later on in the books, Elain is still kind and gentle but more reserved and quiet because she is dealing with her own shit.

Strength doesn't equal to physical force. A big example? Queen Elizabeth I of England was strong and she never fought in a battlefield, but she was intelligent, cunning and brought a Golden Age to her country. She made a place for herself in a patriarcal society and that's how strong she was.

Elain's strength differs from Nesta's, Mor's and Feyre's. She isn't an active fighter like them, but yet she had the guts to fight in the war and stabbed the King on the neck to protect Nesta because she loves her sister and would die for her. Look at this.

No one wanted her to fight, but she chose to. SHE CHOSE TO! This is important. She is scared in the battle camp and doesn't know how to fight or wield a sword, yet she trusts her friends and wants to fight alongside them.

She might die in the battlefield, but at least she will fight fighting and not be a pawn.

She will enact revenge for what the King did to Nesta, to Feyre and to herself.

MOREOVER –– Another big trauma (aside from happened inside the Cauldron and the dramatic changes in her life), it will probably be center around her body.

Her clothes, body and beauty are mentioned all the time. ALL THE TIME. Elain, who was a very proper and modest lady (and didn't want to talk about periods even with her sisters), was seen naked against her will by everyone and she probably felt violated.

Feyre mentions Elain's reaction when she sees her and Nesta wearing Illyrian fighting leathers. She mentions how Elain was offered something less scandalous and more proper.

Imagine how someone so proper would feel after being used and seen all vulnerable and naked by so many people? To have been ogled against your will? To be seen as an “object” to see whether the Cauldron worked?

Nesta is a sexual assault survivor and she also suffered because of their youth, Feyre's sacrifice to provide for them and Elain suffering from the Cauldron incident. She dealt with her trauma in her own way, just as Elain deals with it in her own way. And that's okay!

In Elain's book, her choosing who she wants to be with and how she wants to live from now on will be important. She will turn down Lucien, as it is obvious from what I explained above and because of the following: Feyre and Rhys comment on how being mates doesn't equal to being right for each other.

Sarah J. Maas said this as well.

She also said that a mating bond is something rare but that some people might be lucky and end up having two. But the main thing is:

Elain will reject Lucien because they aren't right for each other and she will chose whomever she wants to because she loves that person. That's big and it will be key to the plot.

Elain might end up being lucky and while falling for another person, a new mating bond might develop. But at the end of the day, it will be her choice.

Not the Cauldron's choice, not society's choice or anyone else.

Hers and hers alone.

You think she is boring? Well, we will learn more about her and we will see her heal from her trauma. Her body and her choices have been violated, but she will heal and grow for that and gain ownership over herself once again.

Rhys, Amren and Feyre believe there is more to her than just the kindness she shows.

“Maybe she was never given the chance to be that way.” “You think I stifle her?” “Not you alone. [...] But I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she’d dissapoint you all. [...] With time and safety, perhaps we’ll see a different side of her emerge”

“You think Elain is boring?” “I think she’s kind, and I’ll take that kindness over nastiness every day. But I also think we haven’t yet seen all she has to offer.”

“Don’t forget that gardening often results in something pretty, but it involves getting one’s hands dirty along the way.”

“You can’t have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to lead a small, quiet life while also refusing to let me do anything greater.”

“I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow all you think of is what my trauma did to you.”

“Including Elain, who is more than capable of defending herself against the darkness of the Trove, if she chooses to. Don’t underestimate her.”

Being a seer gives you many powers, but it would take me too much time so I recommend you to read this LONG AND AMAZING list of powers a seer might have posted by @miru5llec and you will be shocked and hyped.

If you like mythology and fantasy literature, you know seers are feared and respected. Kings have killed for having a seer in their ranks. They can reach levels of divine status and their ability as a seer gives them many more powers than those I have mentioned before.

Elain might not be physically powerful like Nesta or Feyre, but being a seer makes her more powerful than both of them but IN ANOTHER WAY. Look at the list above (linked) if you don't believe me.

Her being on the Night Court makes Feysand's court the most powerful in Prythian.

That's why Elain is not boring and her trauma is valid. There is much more to her than what little we have seen. SJM has said so. Rhys, Feyre, Amren, everyone has said so in the books. We will learn about her, see her heal and chose who to love in her book.

“Why?” Elain demanded. “Shall I tend to my little garden forever?” When Nesta flinched, Elain said, “You can’t have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to lead a small, quiet life while also refusing to let me do anything greater.”

“But Elain said, “I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow all you think of is what my trauma did to you.”

We will see her develop her powers and learn how to use them. She is possibly the key to killing Koschei (the big bad villain) because she might have visions of where his heart is hidden in that fucking box and guide the IC to find it.

Furthermore, stop saying “I want Elucien to happen so Lucien can be happy.” or “Azriel deserves better than Elain because she likes to garden and is mated to Lucien.”

Elain doesn’t belong to Lucien.

Elain can garden, bake and walk around on her hands while singing La Macarena and that doesn’t make her any less strong than Feyre, Mor, Nesta or any other female character.

(Also, in this stupid ship war I have seen people pointing out how she wouldn't be able to give Azriel children because her body isn't Illyrian. This is disgusting. You are basically saying that all her worth lies in whether she can give someone children or not.

Do I remind you adoption exists? Rhys, Cassian and Azriel are brothers by choice, not by blood and they are BROTHERS. You can adopt and be a mother. And you can chose to not have children and that would be okay too. A woman's worth isn't in her uterus.

And that’s it.

(I posted this thread on Twitter as well, so if you liked it you can go there and RT it or hit a like.)

[og post]

#acosf #acosf spoilers #elain archeron #nesta archeron #feyre archeron #elucien #elriel #nessian #feysand #acotar #acomaf #acowar #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and embers #a court of thorns and roses #a court of silver flames #gwyn berdara #gwynriel

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emeraldvagabond · 3 years

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I think Sarah J would come across as a better writer if she admitted that she didn’t initially plan on Feyre being with Rhysand. I could give her a round of applause for managing to take what she started off with in TAR, and change something that she was personally bored/uninspired by and go onto write MAF, which is commonly regarded as the best book she has published out of all 19 books (I think she’s written around 19 but I could be miss counting). The romance still isn’t the best and that doesn’t excuse some of the gross stuff she writes later on in the series but I think that it’s far better then her trying to convince people that she actually did intend on Feysand being endgame from the beginning. Thinking about Maas writing Feyres SA by the hands of Rhysand with the explicit intention of twisting it to being something romanticized later on in the series makes my skin crawl. Id have so much more respect for her if she admitted the she tried her hardest to retcon everything

riiighhtt, thank you. In TAR Rhysand is clearly a villain. He's not mysterious, he's not "morally grey", he's not brooding or plotting or trapped. He's willingly working for Amarantha as a VILLAIN. He slaughters children and innocent fae. If he wasn't meant to be a villain why did he tell Amarantha about Feyre at all when he returned from the Spring Court, he had no need to mention her.

To be honest, yes Amarantha called the shots or whatever, but I would argue that Rhysand was even worse than her. He became her weapon, not her "whore" as he likes to say. That's not to say that him being SA'd by her wasn't bad or traumatic, i'm sure it was. But it's never addressed except when Keir calls Feyre a whore. (Which...the enitre CoN scene was very icky. She could have very well played any part but he said "No the only role for you is a slut, in front of the entire Court, beneath another mountain." like...he chose to do that. He's Highlord, he could have presented her as anyone and no one would have been able to argue with him. He chose that role for her, and why?)(And it makes him trying to have sex in a safe place for SA survivors that much more gross.) Which reads as....poorly retconning the situation. No offense.

But we get these women from the library, who after hundreds of years, are still afraid to even be around men. Because they have been abused by them continuously(also strange bc not to be like that, but everyone heals and processes and reacts different so why are all these fae EXCEPT Gwyn literally interchangeable? And then calling these women weak all throughout ACOFS? NASTY) meanwhile Rhysand shows no sign of anything. And absolutely I just said everyone heals and processes differently but.....he doesn't heal or process. He just exists. Is this her way of showing him as strong, compared to the "weak" way she writes Nesta and these other survivors? Or is it just a misogynistic view that men cannot be victims of SA seeping through into her writing?

And then we get to the scene where him and Feyre are about to mate and he spills all of his reasoning and tragic backstory etc....and he makes it all about him? I mean, that's something else. In TAR there aren't even these cracks in character where he is good, or doing the right thing. You could argue that he got into character really well or you could acknowledge that paired with the incentive and drive to do these bad awful things, and the lack of remorse.....makes him a textbook villain. HE suffered as he killed Clare. HE suffered as he killed those winter court babies. HE suffered as he abused Feyre every night. HE suffered as he tore through the whole of Prythian, unscathed because he chose that role.

And then later it's said that no, he didn't do that, that was another incredibly rare daemanti, who just....ceases to exist? Nowhere is this other fae under the mountain. They have no name, no court, no history, there aren't bits of them scattered throughout the first book, no well-hidden pieces of evidence that point to anyone else once you start looking.....it's just...Rhysand. And even then I argue if there WAS another instrument of her destruction, another Fae turned weapon...why not have THEM be the one to mistreat Feyre? If Rhysand was always end game, and there was always this other villain....why not have them....exist in any of the books?

#anti rhysand #anti sjm #asks

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if-i-could-grow-wings · 3 years

Text

Best Quotes of 2020

For the past two years I've listed my favorite quotes of the year and I'm doing it again! Here is the best quote (or sometimes a few...) of each book I read this year, in the order I read the books.

1. "Ugh, human emotions were like barbed wire. There are just no safe way to grab hold of them or get through them." - The Tyrant's Tomb by Rick Riordan

2. "If I were a tree, I would have no reason to love a human." - The Raven Boys by Maggie Stiefvater

3. "While I'm gone, dream me the world. Something new for every night." - The Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater

4. "Honey, you're only twenty-five. You don't need to have it all figured out." - Roomies by Christina Lauren (note: I really felt this, especially being 25 at the time)

5. "Maybe it was good that the world forgot every lesson, every good and bad memory, every triumph and failure, all of it dying with each generation. Perhaps this cultural amnesia spared them all. Perhaps if they remembered everything, hope would die instead." - Blue Lily, Lily Blue by Maggie Stiefvater

6. "What a strange constellation they all were." / "If you can't be unafraid, be afraid and happy." / "I'm not asking him to stay. Only to come back." - The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater

7. "It didn't seem right to me that his weakest self got to decide how my life was going to turn out, what my family was going to look like." / "Women will crush you, you know? I suppose everybody hurts everybody, but women always seem to get back up, you ever notice that? Women are always still standing." - Daisy Jones & the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

8. "In what universe is our compensation comparable? Because he's a man? Who knew a penis was worth so much?" - Dating You/Hating You by Christina Lauren

9. "Life is often simple, but you don’t notice how simple it was until it gets incredibly complicated" - The Flatshare by Beth O'Leary

10. "Dreams are not the safest thing to build a life on." / "This wasn't living, it was just giving up while still breathing." - Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater

11. "I don't want them to change me in there, turn me into some kind of monster that I'm not." - The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (note: this was my 6th time reading the book)

12. "I am the mockingjay. The one that survived despite the Capitol's plans. The symbol of the rebellion." - Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (note: this was my 6th time reading the book)

13. "What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that." - Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins (note: this was my 6th time reading the book)

14. "I don't care if I'm called Prince or Starborn or the Chosen One or any of that. The only thing I want to be called right now is your brother. If you'll have me." - House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

15. "You’ve no right to starve people, to punish them for no reason. No right to take away their life and freedom. Those are things everyone is born with, and they’re not yours for the taking. Winning a war doesn’t give you that right. Having more weapons doesn’t give you that right. Being from the Capitol doesn’t give you that right. Nothing does." - The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins (note: I read this book twice back to back, first in Finnish and then in English)

16. "Just because it could be worse doesn't mean you don't get to acknowledge how much it sucks, you know." - You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson

17. "Do not let those who cannot see the truth tell you who you are. You are the flame that cannot be put out. You are the star that cannot be lost. You are who you have always been, and that is enough and more than enough. Anyone who looks at you and sees darkness is blind." - Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare

18. "Sometimes a girl must make her own magic." / "I imagine it would be freeing to care only about oneself. Alas, I am not a man." - The Beautiful by Renee Ahdieh

19. "You raised me to fight monsters. It took me far too long to understand that the real monster was you." - Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi

20. "I can't wait to forget what missing you feels like." - Love, Creekwood by Becky Albertalli

21. "As much as I hate him... I think I'm starting to like us." - The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren

22. "You know every time I called you 'bestest' that I really meant 'sister', right?" / "It's hard to drown your sorrows when the little bastards can swim." - Truel1f3 by Jay Kristoff

23. “You survived the Raid. The guards. You survived the wrath of a king. You’re not a victim, Zélie. You’re a survivor! Stop running away!” - Children of Virtue and Vengeance by Tomi Adeyemi

24. "You don't have to act cool with me. I'm the person you don't ever have to act cool with." / "You remember what the note said when we found Max? 'Who could ever love it?' We could, Magnus. We could love him. We do love him." / "You're my heart, Magnus Bane. Stay unbroken, for me." - The Lost Book of the White by Cassandra Clare & Wesley Chu (note: all from Alec "I-changed-the-world-for-the-love-of-my-life" Lightwood(-Bane), how is he like this? 🥺)

25. "Those who truly know us see the whole, never just a part." - Aurora Burning by Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff

26. "I decided as long as I'm going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly." - Midnight Sun by Stephanie Meyer (note: I pretty much laughed through this whole book...)

27. "No one or nothing can deny you your dreams or your goals. They can try, but they have no right. Fight it. Put everything in the game and never let them put you down." - Samu Haber - Forever Yours by Tuomas Nyholm (note: I translated the quote myself from Finnish, I don't know if this has been translated to English yet? This was also the only non-fiction book of the bunch)

28. "To be human is to move forward, to adapt, to believe in your ability to make things better." - The Tower of Nero by Rick Riordan

29. "Perhaps all the hatred in his heart was good for something after all." - How the King of Elfhame Learned to Hate Stories by Holly Black

Which one is your favorite? I have to say a love a lot of these, especially anything by Maghie Stiefvater and Cassandra Clare! Have a great reading year in 2021!

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austencello · 5 years

Text

Welcome to Hong Kong - Arrow Music Notes 8x02

Oliver, Diggle, and Laurel return to Earth 1 after the destruction of Earth 2 on a new mission from the Monitor. Familiar music and people from Hong Kong return as Tatsu questions Oliver’s faith in the Monitor, Laurel deals with survivor’s grief, and the Future Team Arrow is manipulated by JJ Diggle.

Oliver Queen

Oliver wakes up after images flash of both the greetings and deaths of those that he lost, including Moira’s “You’re never without me, my beautiful boy” triggered by seeing Tommy and Moira from Earth 2 disappear. The music repeats the violin melody from “The Promise” (2x20) when Moira was killed. Another part of that melody (the violins in thirds that led up to Moira’s death) plays as the Monitor stresses how important it is that Oliver does not interfere with other earths and their fates the way he did for Tommy and bringing Laurel2 back. Oliver counters that he wasn’t going to see her die again. Oliver has seen so much loss and death and is still reeling from seeing a version of his mother and Tommy die that the idea of letting Laurel die again was not an option. It is the theme of some of the most severe and painful loss in his life and a reminder of how great the stakes are.

Oliver and Diggle find themselves in Hong Kong with a return of the all the Hong Kong musical elements from Season 3 peppered throughout the episode heard in “Mean Streets of Hong Kong” (S3), primarily the ney flute (a Persian flute), crutales (tuned little cymbals), wooden percussion, gongs, and the erhu (a Chinese string instrument). If they didn’t use an erhu, they have a synthesized version that is the similar affect. These together provide the soundscape of Hong Kong in Season 3 and play as the setting is established throughout. In the midst of fighting, Tatsu comes to help as Katana and her unique ney flute motif plays with an breathy aspect to it. This theme returns throughout her scenes in the episode, especially in her fight with China White and when she talks to Oliver at the end after she thought she had almost died. Her theme is heard in “Storming the Castle” (3x21) when she helps fight at Nanda Parbat. (JorahtheAndal has a suite of her music on YouTube now that the extra tracks are no longer on Blake Neely’s website.)

In a brief moment of quiet after the fight, Oliver has a chance to put his wedding ring back on with a mixture of sadness and resolve. As he does so, flashes of Felicity in 3x20 (“you opened up my heart” and their kiss goodbye) and the 4x06 kiss “We’re going to be fine” pass through his mind as their theme “The One I love” (2x23) plays in the piano. Oliver’s resolve to keep going is through the love of Felicity and knowing that she will find him. His love for his family keeps him going.

Tatsu questions Oliver’s blind faith in the Monitor wanting a scientist involved with a dangerous virus, saying that it reminded her of how he used to be. Especially in bargaining with the Alpha Omega virus that killed with her son and how the guilt and torture of the general changed him. He responds that he has to believe that the Monitor is telling the truth in bringing order (plus he saw the end of Earth2) because otherwise he left his family for nothing. He is sacrificing everything including himself to keep them safe and prevent them from disappearing. As he pours out his heart in both anger and grief, the slow version of the Arrow theme plays in the strings “I forgot who I was” (1x05). This theme is used throughout the series for moments of the heart when Oliver is connected to the core of being a hero: his love for his family and how that spurs him on.

At the end, after Tatsu almost died for the mission to find the doctor the Monitor required, Oliver took a step back to realize that she was right. The cost might not be worth the mission. He needs to know more about who the Monitor is and whether following him blindly is the right call. A variation (straight rhythm instead of syncopated) of “Scars” (1x01) plays in guitar harmonics as he says that they have already lost too many already. This theme and instrument has been with Oliver since he looked in the mirror and saw his scars in the pilot. It represents both the outward but more importantly, inward scars his trials and loss have left on him. The slow version of the Arrow theme returns in horn (heroic) and violins as Diggle asks him what happens if they don’t like the answers and Oliver replies that there is always another way, quoting what Felicity has told him many times and what Tatsu had also reminded him as well. The music underscores that he is a hero determined to do what is right for all. He will find a way to save his family without letting people die along the way. He apologizes to Tatsu that she almost died because of him as the violin plays his Arrow hero theme and that she was right; the mission was not worth the cost. He tells Tatsu that he will be looking for answers in Nanda Parbat as the duduk plays. (I love the music for Nanda Parbat and am super excited for this next episode)

Laurel with the loss of Earth 2

Laurel is in shock over her earth and everyone she knew ceasing to exist. As she angrily blames Oliver and demands the device to get back, a new harp theme quietly plays as she remains in denial that it could all be gone. Her new life, her shot at redemption, the good people she had connected with all dead. A version of this theme returns again but filled out with an alternating note between each melody note in the harp as she tries the device again later on, only for the guy she forced into helping her telling her that he can’t bring back a universe. It returns one last time after Lyla shares her story of survivor’s guilt which gets the crux of the matter for Laurel: how is it that she survived when so many other better people were gone? Lyla tells her to keep fighting in honor of the dead and that she could work on her redemption by helping people of this earth.

Extra Notes:

The Monitor’s violin, brass, and choral theme played both at his scenes in the beginning with Oliver and Lyla at the end. It underscores that he is an otherworldly being.

China White’s electronic theme was back as she appeared to fight Oliver. (1x02)

Laurel’s Black Siren theme “Laurel, not Laurel” (5x10) played when she arrived at the beginning after screaming and then again after she screamed China White into the water.

There was a lovely piano moment when JJ and Connor sat down to have a heart to heart. A moment of connection before it all went to pieces.

A new motif played as Mia gave William the fried flash-drive in both harp and bass harmonics with background electronics and he got really excited about it (reminding of Felicity music, combining Oliver and Felicity instruments but grounded in the future soundscape). The four note theme does include the same notes as Mia’s Blackstar theme but in a different order. Coincidence or on purpose? I will be interested to see if it returns.

Harp plays a repeated two notes as JJ reveals his plan and Mia tries to reach William on the coms. Her mother’s instrument now connecting the two of them in concern about her brother.

@smoakmonster @academyofshipping @herskirtsarentthatshort @jorahandal @almondblossomme @dmichellewrites @ah-maa-zing @dust2dust34 @green-arrows-of-karamel

#arrow 8x02 #arrow music notes #oliver queen #tatsu #blake neely #laurel lance #olicity

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itsdragoneus · 5 years

Text

Here are some book recommendations if y’all want any...

ARTEMIS by Andy Weir

Not crazy, eccentric-billionaire rich, like many of the visitors to her hometown of Artemis, humanity’s first and only lunar colony. Just rich enough to move out of her coffin-sized apartment and eat something better than flavored algae. Rich enough to pay off a debt she’s owed for a long time. So when a chance at a huge score finally comes her way, Jazz can’t say no. Sure, it requires her to graduate from small-time smuggler to full-on criminal mastermind. And it calls for a particular combination of cunning, technical skills, and large explosions—not to mention sheer brazen swagger. But Jazz has never run into a challenge her intellect can’t handle, and she figures she’s got the ‘swagger’ part down. The trouble is, engineering the perfect crime is just the start of Jazz’s problems. Because her little heist is about to land her in the middle of a conspiracy for control of Artemis itself. Trapped between competing forces, pursued by a killer and the law alike, even Jazz has to admit she’s in way over her head. She’ll have to hatch a truly spectacular scheme to have a chance at staying alive and saving her city. Jazz is no hero, but she is a very good criminal. That’ll have to do. Propelled by its heroine’s wisecracking voice, set in a city that’s at once stunningly imagined and intimately familiar, and brimming over with clever problem-solving and heist-y fun, Artemis is another irresistible brew of science, suspense, and humor from #1 bestselling author Andy Weir.

THRONE OF GLASS by Sarah J. Maas

After serving out a year of hard labor in the salt mines of Endovier for her crimes, 18-year-old assassin Celaena Sardothien is dragged before the Crown Prince. Prince Dorian offers her her freedom on one condition: she must act as his champion in a competition to find a new royal assassin. Her opponents are men-thieves and assassins and warriors from across the empire, each sponsored by a member of the king's council. If she beats her opponents in a series of eliminations, she'll serve the kingdom for three years and then be granted her freedom. Celaena finds her training sessions with the captain of the guard, Westfall, challenging and exhilarating. But she's bored stiff by court life. Things get a little more interesting when the prince starts to show interest in her... but it's the gruff Captain Westfall who seems to understand her best. Then one of the other contestants turns up dead... quickly followed by another. Can Celaena figure out who the killer is before she becomes a victim? As the young assassin investigates, her search leads her to discover a greater destiny than she could possibly have imagined.

A COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES by Sarah J. Maas

When nineteen-year-old huntress Feyre kills a wolf in the woods, a beast-like creature arrives to demand retribution for it. Dragged to a treacherous magical land she only knows about from legends, Feyre discovers that her captor is not an animal, but Tamlin--one of the lethal, immortal faeries who once ruled their world.

As she dwells on his estate, her feelings for Tamlin transform from icy hostility into a fiery passion that burns through every lie and warning she's been told about the beautiful, dangerous world of the Fae. But an ancient, wicked shadow over the faerie lands is growing, and Feyre must find a way to stop it . . . or doom Tamlin--and his world--forever.

WARCROSS by Marie Lu

For the millions who log in every day, Warcross isn’t just a game—it’s a way of life. The obsession started ten years ago and its fan base now spans the globe, some eager to escape from reality and others hoping to make a profit. Struggling to make ends meet, teenage hacker Emika Chen works as a bounty hunter, tracking down Warcross players who bet on the game illegally. But the bounty-hunting world is a competitive one, and survival has not been easy. To make some quick cash, Emika takes a risk and hacks into the opening game of the international Warcross Championships—only to accidentally glitch herself into the action and become an overnight sensation. Convinced she’s going to be arrested, Emika is shocked when instead she gets a call from the game’s creator, the elusive young billionaire Hideo Tanaka, with an irresistible offer. He needs a spy on the inside of this year’s tournament in order to uncover a security problem . . . and he wants Emika for the job. With no time to lose, Emika’s whisked off to Tokyo and thrust into a world of fame and fortune that she’s only dreamed of. But soon her investigation uncovers a sinister plot, with major consequences for the entire Warcross empire.

SCYTHE by Neil Shusterman

Two teens must learn the “art of killing” in this Printz Honor–winning book, the first in a chilling new series from Neal Shusterman, author of the New York Times bestselling Unwind dystology. A world with no hunger, no disease, no war, no misery: humanity has conquered all those things, and has even conquered death. Now Scythes are the only ones who can end life—and they are commanded to do so, in order to keep the size of the population under control. Citra and Rowan are chosen to apprentice to a scythe—a role that neither wants. These teens must master the “art” of taking life, knowing that the consequence of failure could mean losing their own.

THE 5TH WAVE by Rick Yancey

After the 1st wave, only darkness remains. After the 2nd, only the lucky escape. And after the 3rd, only the unlucky survive. After the 4th wave, only one rule applies: trust no one. Now, it's the dawn of the 5th wave, and on a lonely stretch of highway, Cassie runs from Them. The beings who only look human, who roam the countryside killing anyone they see. Who have scattered Earth's last survivors. To stay alone is to stay alive, Cassie believes, until she meets Evan Walker. Beguiling and mysterious, Evan Walker may be Cassie's only hope for rescuing her brother--or even saving herself. But Cassie must choose: between trust and despair, between defiance and surrender, between life and death. To give up or to get up.

DA VINCI CODE by Dan Brown

While in Paris, Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is awakened by a phone call in the dead of the night. The elderly curator of the Louvre has been murdered inside the museum, his body covered in baffling symbols. As Langdon and gifted French cryptologist Sophie Neveu sort through the bizarre riddles, they are stunned to discover a trail of clues hidden in the works of Leonardo da Vinci—clues visible for all to see and yet ingeniously disguised by the painter.

Even more startling, the late curator was involved in the Priory of Sion—a secret society whose members included Sir Isaac Newton, Victor Hugo, and Da Vinci—and he guarded a breathtaking historical secret. Unless Langdon and Neveu can decipher the labyrinthine puzzle—while avoiding the faceless adversary who shadows their every move—the explosive, ancient truth will be lost forever.

SIX OF CROWS by Leigh Bardugo

Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price―and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker. Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can't pull it off alone. . . .

A convict with a thirst for revenge. A sharpshooter who can't walk away from a wager. A runaway with a privileged past. A spy known as the Wraith. A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums. A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes.

Six dangerous outcasts. One impossible heist. Kaz's crew is the only thing that might stand between the world and destruction―if they don't kill each other first.

SHADOW AND BONE by Leigh Bardugo

Soldier. Summoner. Saint. Orphaned and expendable, Alina Starkov is a soldier who knows she may not survive her first trek across the Shadow Fold—a swath of unnatural darkness crawling with monsters. But when her regiment is attacked, Alina unleashes dormant magic not even she knew she possessed.

Now Alina will enter a lavish world of royalty and intrigue as she trains with the Grisha, her country’s magical military elite—and falls under the spell of their notorious leader, the Darkling. He believes Alina can summon a force capable of destroying the Shadow Fold and reuniting their war-ravaged country, but only if she can master her untamed gift.

As the threat to the kingdom mounts and Alina unlocks the secrets of her past, she will make a dangerous discovery that could threaten all she loves and the very future of a nation.

Welcome to Ravka . . . a world of science and superstition where nothing is what it seems.

I hope you try them!

#books #books and libraries #books and reading #books and literature #book recommendations #scifi #sci-fi #scifi fantasy #fantasy #throne of glass #acotar #cinder #artemis #ebooks #amazon #bookworm #book lover #book list

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rhysand-vs-fenrys · 7 years

Text

My Fanfic Library

A Court of Thorns and Roses

An Elucien Epilogue

Lucien returns to Velaris after the events of ACOWAR, determined to be a better male than Tamlin and set aside his mating bond, if that’s what Elain wants.

Tumblr || FanFiction.net || AO3

Alone in the Townhouse (NSFW Nessian)

When the Court of Nightmares visits Velaris, Nesta and Cassian plot to take advantage of their time alone together and see if they are compatible before revealing or accepting their mating bond.

Tumblr || FanFiction.net || AO3

Alone in the Garden (NSFW Elucien) --- This is runs concurrently to “Alone in the Townhouse (NSFW Nessian)” and is technically a sequel.

When the Inner Circle conspires to trick Nesta and Cassian into spending some alone time together, Elain and Lucien find themselves unchaperoned in the House of Wind. They decide to explore their own mating bond- but the consequences of that decision will change their lives forever.

Tumblr || Fanfiction.net || AO3

A Sweet Treat (NSFW Feysand)

On Feyre’s first Feast of Souls in Velaris, she finds a new way to give Rhys his holiday chocolates.

Tumblr || FanFiction.net || AO3

Nessian: The Mating (NSFW Nessian) --- This is a sequel to “Alone in the Townhouse” and includes references to “Alone in the Garden (NSFW Elucien)” and “What Rises from the Ashes”

At long last, Cassian and Nesta’s wedding (and mating) day has finally arrived... along with most of Prythian.

Tumblr || Fanfiction.net || AO3

Nessian The Mating: Part 1, The Wedding (Slightly NSFW)

In this extended re-write of my fanfic “Nessian: The Mating (NSFW Nessian)”, Cassian and Nesta’s wedding day has arrived... along with most of Prythian.

Tumblr || Fanfiction.net || AO3

Nessian The Mating: Part 2, the Cabin (NSFW Nessian)

The wedding is over, Nesta and Cassian are now husband and wife. It is time for them to mate at long, long last.

Tumblr || Fanfiction.net || AO3

What Rises From the Ashes

Tamlin confesses that he and Amarantha were incompatible mates, and the role that played in his downfall.

Tumblr || FanFiction.net || AO3

The Poison in the Wound --- **This fic is independent of “What Rises from the Ashes”

Tamlin and Feyre meet in neutral territory to try and finally clear away some of the bad blood between them.

Tumblr || Fanfiction.net || AO3

Velaris (Complete)

“Protect Velaris. Protect each other. I love you all.” With Rhys’ final words, the shields around Velaris rose, trapping the Inner Circle inside for fifty years. This series follows Mor, Cassian, Azriel, and Amren as they struggle to adapt and fulfill Rhys’ final request.

Part 1: Four Years Trapped|| Tumblr || Fanfiction.net || AO3

Part 2: Nineteen Years Trapped|| Tumblr || Fanfiction.net || AO3

Part 3: Thirty Years Trapped|| Tumblr || Fanfiction.net || AO3

Part 4: Forty-Nine Years Trapped|| Tumblr || Fanfiction.net || AO3

The World Beyond My Cage

--- This is a standalone version of a deleted scene from “Velaris”.

Azriel recalls his childhood, how he ended up in an Illyrian camp far from his cell, and how his world was changed by an arrogant little Lordling with a chamber pot.

Tumblr || Fanfiction.net || AO3

Throne of Glass

A Cure for Nightmares (NSFW Manorian)

Manon and Dorian seek a dangerous witch at her cabin in the woods- at least, that’s what Dorian thinks. In reality the Thirteen have conspired to give the King of Adarlan some much needed alone time with his lover.

Tumblr || AO3 || FanFiction.net

Curing the Fever (NSFW Manorian) -- This is a sequel to “A Cure for Nightmares”

Manon is forced to leave a meeting early due to a suspected illness. Luckily for her and Dorian, none of the Thirteen guessed exactly what was wrong.

Tumblr || AO3 || FanFiction.net

The Calm After the Storm (NSFW Rowaelin)

Erawan and Maeve have been defeated, the armies of Morath are vanquished, and Aelin rightly sits on the throne of Terrasen with Rowan by her side- and Lord Darrow as a constant pain in her ass. Frustrated and in need of a break, Aelin orders Rowan to do his job and consort with his Queen.

Tumblr || AO3 || Fanfiction.net

Non-Maas-Fandom (Warning: All fics 190-300 pages long)

Project: Echo (Part 1)

8 months after the events of “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”, an unstable and erratic Bucky enlists the help of the Avengers to find and liberate a young girl with unknown powers held captive and tortured into submission by Hydra. Meanwhile, a creature begins attacking from the shadows and nearly kills Steve, the result of a mysterious 20 year old Hydra research project.

FanFiction.net || AO3

Project: Echo (Part 2)

A new enemy surfaces with a team of the Avengers’ greatest foes, hand-picked for their destruction. Meanwhile, Inessa’s pre-Hydra past begins to surface, casting doubt on where her loyalties truly lie.

Fanfiction.net || AO3

Project: Echo (Part 3)

*This will begin with a catch-up* Six years after the events of “Project: Echo (Part 1), Avengers Tower explodes. All evidence points to Shadow Unit leader Inessa Ryker, who is forced to seek out Bucky in hiding. Together they must determine who the traitor in the Avengers is, and if their friends are still alive- all while trying to survive ambushes orchestrated by the only Unit Leader left- Sam.

Fanfiction.net || AO3

Avengers: Valkyrie Wars (Part 1)

When a young archaeologist stumbles across a mysterious artifact, the Avengers will battle Asgard, the Valkyrie host, Loki, Hydra, and the last survivors of a monstrous race known as the Norn. Whoever claims the three weapons of the Norn can unleash Hell across the cosmos. When the artifact vanishes, Loki kidnaps the only person capable of finding it again: The archaeologist who discovered it- Steve Roger’s lover.

Fanfiction.net | AO3

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feyreandrhysandforever-blog · 7 years

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Survivor of Maas destruction.

Http://rhysands-girl.tumblr.com

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milkshakeswimmer · 4 years

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The essay I did for ACOTAR

Lainey Willis

Mr.Zimmerley

ENGL 218

23 April 2020

The Journey of Abuse and Relationships

In the books “A Court of Thorns and Roses”(Maas) and “A Court of Mist and Fury”(Maas) we are told a story about magic, fairies, romance, power struggles, and abuse. In these books there are two separate lands, the fairy lands and the human ones. Once enslaved by the fairies the humans were able to break free, but now live in fear and persecution by fairies who manage to slip through the barrier. Most humans harbor a hatred of fairies and Feyre, the main character, most of all. Throughout the first book we see Feyre as she struggles to provide for her abusive family, gets kidnapped, struggles to escape her captor, falls in love with him, and finally is set free only to have to free an entire kingdom from an oppressive ruler. After doing so she becomes a fairy herself and is set to marry the man who kidnapped her. In the next book she struggles to adapt to her new life as she is expected to “play house” and is trapped within her marriage responsibilities and expectations. After a traumatic event she is kidnapped by another fairy ruler to fulfil a previous deal, but we learn he only did so to protect her and she finds true healing in her time away from her original kidnapper. In this paper I want to explore the way the lasting effects of abuse and PTSD affects our understanding of Feyre’s actions throughout the book and the way she heals and changes. I am going to explain what happens in the books (specifically how Feyre is abused), the way abuse affects a person specifically through the actions and emotional outbursts Feyre has, and the process of healing which Feyre goes through.

As we are introduced to Feyre she is hunting in the woods which she explains she has to do to provide for her family. When she was younger her family was rich and her mother was negligent towards her daughters and only cared about party planning and social engagements. Later, while Feyre was eight her mom died of a sickness, but made Feyre, the youngest, promise to take care of the family. This promise put enormous strain on Feyre as while they were once rich her father, a trade man, risked all of his trading vessels to take care of a large debt he owed and lost all of the family’s money which resulted in debtors leaving him crippled and unable to work. Feyre, feeling the burden of her promise to her mother becomes the provider of the family despite being the youngest, and her father is completely fine with this. Feyre is also the only illiterate person in the family as she was too young to read when they could afford teachers and now that they are poor no one in the family will teach her how to read. The eldest sister Nesta is particularly abusive towards Feyre. She refuses to help the family out of hatred for their dad; she also judges and criticizes Feyre when she is unable to provide for the family. Despite the neglect from her dad and mother and abuse from her sister Feyre still cares about her family, wants the best for them and attempts to protect her sisters from bad suitors. When she returns from her hunt she discovers her sisters have once again shirked their responsibilities and they fall on Feyre. The day after Feyre kills the wolf she goes to sell the pelt for extra money and her sisters only join her so they can spend the money on themselves. Despite this abuse after she is kidnapped all Feyre wants to do is get back to her family to protect and provide for them again. She struggles to return to them and only stops trying to leave after she learns they have been taken care of by her kidnapper, Tamlin, high lord of the spring court. Feyre learns that while she cannot leave she is free to do as she pleases which is more freedom than she has had in her entire life. While we think this is her escape and paradise away from her previous abuse we begin to see that Tamlin, while seen by Feyre as her hero, is actually an abuser much worse than her family. Tamlin, while wishing to “protect” keeps her trapped on the grounds of the house, refuses to give her any information about the world she is now a part of. In one scene, his abuse is very evident, as he pins her against a wall and threatens her by clamping his jaw around her throat. He does this because she had let her curiosity get the better of her and she snuck out of her confines to see what was happening. This is significant as despite being “free” to do as she pleases he still tries to control her under the disguise of “protecting” her. She is once again trapped with the only difference being that she is falling in “love” with her captor as he represents protection and security to her, and after all she has been through she only desires that security no matter what she must face to get it. After a serious trial in which Feyre must free the man she “loves” and the fairy lands from oppression she dies and is reborn a fairy which leads to her being engaged with Tamlin. In the next book, we see her struggle with her new body and PTSD from her trials and imprisonment. As she struggles all Tamlin wants to do is protect her and keep her safe, but she no longer needs this and instead needs freedom to do as she pleases. Tamlin’s protection begins to suffocate her and makes her feel trapped which results in Feyre losing her mind and she has several emotional breakdowns. While she went through her trials and imprisonment she made a deal with another high lord, Rhysand, which requires her to spend a certain amount of time with that lord out of every month. The first time he does this is during her wedding when she began to freak out and feel trapped as she walked down the aisle and the “kidnapping” actually saved her. As Tamlin’s grip tightens on Feyre she begins to lose it more and more frequently which results in disaster as she cannot quite control her new fairy powers. Eventually through her time in the Night Court with Rhysand Feyre is taught to read and is shown actual respect and freedom and she gains a control over her life which she has never had before. She learns more about her powers and becomes a stronger more confident person as she is allowed to grow and change in the ways she needs to and is shown true support. Eventually She leaves Tamlin officially and lives with Rhysand where she ends up marrying Rhysand and instead of just becoming his wife becomes the high lady of the Night Court which Tamlin told her she could never do. Rhysand gave her the power to be equal where Tamlin just wanted to control and protect her.

According to the Australian Institute of Family Studies “Experiencing abuse and neglect in childhood can lead to adverse outcomes in adulthood.”(Child Family Community) This is exactly what happens to Feyre as she is falling in love with Tamlin. One result of childhood abuse is re-victimization as survivors of abuse “...are more likely to have low self-esteem and they may have learnt that violent behaviour is a normal response to dealing with conflict.” As she falls for Tamlin she is willing to look past his abusive behaviors as she has associated him with safety and security and believes his abusive tendencies to be his way of expressing his love and concern for her. She still believes his intentions to be good and that’s all that matters to her as it’s still better than any other relationship she's ever had because at least his abuse seems to stem from him wanting to take care of her. As she struggles to live life away from her family she attempts to heal by moving forward and diving into this new life of hers and all of her free time head first. After her time under the Mountain, Feyre’s struggles only get worse as her PTSD is increased by her trials and is not aided by Tamlin’s protectiveness anymore. She still believes that this is what she needs and wants. As she continues to struggle she begins having nightmares, is constantly sick, vomits every night, cries frequently, and is haunted by her previous abuse as well. From her family's abuse she has depression and expresses sentiments such as her first line of the book “Maybe i’ve always been broken and dark inside”(Maas 1) and wonders if she would be better off dead as she would no longer be a burden on anyone. Tamlin does not help her as he just allows her to struggle and ignores her cries for help. Abuse victims are known to develop physical and mental issues just like these and I believe this is the reason she acts the way she does. As her abuse continues under Tamlin’s “protection” her issues only get worse and she begins to look thin and sickly and cannot get the help she needs. This is also made worse by the fact that she now has new powers that tie directly to her emotions and she cannot control them, which makes her dangerous when she is overwhelmed by her PTSD. She begins to have meltdowns when she feels trapped, this leads to large and destructive outbursts of power which destroys entire rooms and harms those close to her. While she is struggling with all of this, she is also held to high expectations by everyone she meets as she is their “hero” and must put on a good face so as to not let them down. If she is to become Tamlin’s wife she is required to more or less become a pretty little perfect doll, who is happy all the time, which she is unable to do because of her issues which just makes all of her suffering worse as she cannot express her pain to anyone without being shut down and without feeling like she’s letting down those around her. Her anxiety concerning this also stems from her family's abuse as she has always been responsible for living up to expectations and was verbally attacked if she did not. Feyre just wants to do right by those she cares about, but it is made difficult by the way they treat her. She is not allowed to be herself and must instead fight to make herself feel “worthy of being alive” to those around her.

When she is kidnapped” by Rhysand at first she is angry and scared and although she is reluctant to admit it, she is slightly relieved. This relife makes her feel worse as she feels as though she has to live the life of being Tamlin’s wife after all that he has done for her and she has done for him. This kidnapping and relief, however, is actually the first step of her healing process. While she is with Rhysand he gives her actual freedom to do as she pleases and does not withhold any information from her. Rhysand respects her as a person and wants her to heal. He doesn't let her struggle on her own and instead tries to push her to be better by making her learn how to read and by having honest conversations with her about the way she feels without blaming her or telling her she needs to be happy. He lets her feel her pain and work through it instead of ignoring her. According to Randi Gunther, a licensed therapist, the four steps to moving past abuse in relationships are 1 acknowledging the abuse, 2 gain a determination to put their own needs first, 3 powerful compassion and finally 4 become a model for others(Gunther). I will focus on the first three steps as they are shown in the book. The first step is accomplished by Feyre as she begins talking to Rhysand about her abuse and trauma and he listens to her and helps her recognize some of her previous interactions as abuse. Rhysand does not yell at Feyre and tell her what she is doing wrong and instead helps her discover these things for herself. Next he helps her learn to see her worth as a person by teaching her how to read and encouraging her other hobbies and skills. He teaches her how to control her powers instead of being controlled by them. He does not cross any boundaries in doing this and instead pushes her to want to heal herself by giving her confidence in her feelings and skills all at her own pace and will. He gives her the space and resources to do this but makes her take those steps herself. Finally he shows her powerful compassion while doing all of this as he respects her and listens to her in a real way. He wants her to heal herself and while she cannot love herself at first he shows her that she is still worth loving even if she does not meet some standard. He shows her that she is worth being loved just for being herself. The process is long and difficult, but in the end she sees her own worth and leaves Tamlin as she now realizes that the way she was living is not ok. She instead lives with Rhysand and is allowed to continue to grow and heal. Rhysand treats her as an equal much more than Tamlin or her family ever did and while his love was not her sole reason for healing it definitely helped her when she needed it most.

Despite Feyre’s long and difficult journey, she survived everything and found her own worth along the way. I feel like this is a powerful message for any young adult reader as many kids face abuse like this and are benefitted by seeing a character in a book go through the process of healing. Few books depict mental illness and abuse in such a well thought out way and I don’t think this book or the character Feyre would be the same without it. Many of Feyre’s actions stem from her abuse and when looked at through the lens of abuse many of her outrageous actions, outbursts, sicknesses, and poor choices make for a much better story and creates a more realistic and three dimensional character.

Citations

“Effects of Child Abuse and Neglect for Adult Survivors.” Child Family Community Australia, 21 Jan. 2014, aifs.gov.au/cfca/publications/effects-child-abuse-and-neglect-adult-survivors.

Gunther, Randi. “Healing from Emotional Abuse.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 27 June 2018, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201806/healing-emotional-abuse.

MAAS, SARAH J. COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES. BLOOMSBURY PUBLISHING, 2020.

MAAS, SARAH J. COURT OF MIST AND FURY. BLOOMSBURY PUBLISHING, 2020.

#acotar #acomaf #feyre #tamlin #its not that good and i only did it for class so dont judge me too hard

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todaynewsstories · 6 years

Text

Germany to boost funds for UN Palestinian agency | News | DW

The German government on Friday said it will significantly increase its funding for the UN agency that supports Palestinian refugees after the United States cut its contributions, according to letters seen by news agencies.

“We are currently preparing to provide an additional amount of significant funds,” Foreign Minister Heiko Maas said in a letter to European Union foreign ministers.

So far this year, Germany has provided the United Nations Relief and Works Agency (UNWRA) with €81 million ($94.5 million).

Maas did not reveal how much more Germany would give, but did say it would not be enough to make up the agency’s current shortfall of $217 million.

US cuts hurt UNWRA

Under President Donald Trump, the US has provided the agency with $60 million (€51.5 million) this year, compared to $365 million for humanitarian aid and projects in 2017.

“It is therefore all the more important that we, as the European Union, jointly undertake further efforts,” Maas said, adding that UNRWA plays an important role in the stability of the region.

“The loss of this organisation could unleash an uncontrollable chain reaction,” he said.

Read more: Gaza feels bite of US cuts to Palestinian aid

The US was the UNRWA’s biggest donor and the agency has struggled with the lack of funds. The US said it slashed the funding because the agency needed to make unspecified reforms, and called on the Palestinians to renew peace talks with Israel.

Jordan said on Thursday it would lead a campaign to raise funds to help the UN agency survive, including an appeal to the Arab League.