#ngl part of this is because I wanna get out of going to my cousin's housewarming/engagement party tomorrow

[awheckery]

never let it said I'm not an overachiever

#sufferpunk life #feat. my poor life choices #ngl part of this is because I wanna get out of going to my cousin's housewarming/engagement party tomorrow #she has personality problems (not her fault) and explosive anger issues #and there's never any predicting what'll set either one off #so I will take the bad goddamn time I'm in for thanksss

[notherpuppet]

I know they’re probably not going to go into this (which i understand, there’s only so much time in an episode and they’re telling a different story) but I think about Al’s background a LOT. Get ready if ur in the mood for a read.

To be a mixed Black person in America is a…bizarre experience. You come to realize that due to the coincidence of your genetic makeup, white folks may divulge information that they keep so closely guarded from the ears of “more obvious-looking” black folks. Im gonna bring it back to Alastor, but lemme give some personal context. I’m mixed with Filipino, so I’m pretty obviously not white, yet my ambiguous ethnic makeup in a predominantly white suburbia seemed to make white peers and people feel much more at ease in relaying their criticisms or prejudices of black people to me. I would hear someone feel comfy enough to spew vitriolic racist shit with me, then toe the line like a circus acrobat when around someone a few shades darker in skin tone and a few coils curlier in hair texture. It was constantly infuriating and holding my tongue was a practice to both investigate someone’s true nature and preserve my own safety. I did abandon that method of navigating life in America, and experienced the switch-up white folks made when I started ‘broadcasting’ my blackness. (E.G. beyonce pre vs. post Lemonade). The criticisms and prejudice confessions just came less often, til I saw them being caged up completely after white peers experienced backlash from me. After they realized “OH this bitch is a n*****!?”

Now this is from someone who is brown, but i also wanna talk about my white-passing cousin with a similar racial makeup as Al, who is from the south and oh BOY. (Let’s call him J for this post’s purposes). J’s navigation though simple daily life is such a constant contradictory experience, of which he is still working through in therapy. I think of one moment when he was manager at retail gig and his boss told him that whenever a Black customer enters, it’s policy to give them “exceptionally attentive customer service”. Essentially, “follow that n***** around”. This is just one modern incident of when J would hear the quiet part out loud, despite his Blackness, because his appearance was white enough to make white folks drop their guard. Eventually, my cousin and I took to the same direction where we used our advantage of disarming white folks against them when the time came. We would keep note and record of racism and unlock a sort of “this you?” when the opportunity to expose that person’s true nature came. It’s pretty vengeful thinking ngl, but it is really REALLY hard to resist exposing an asshole rather than attempting to teach an asshole to change their ways. Especially given that such an attempt is an ARDUOUS uphill battle. The experience of KNOWING the truth about what someone thinks of your people, and being opened to opportunities and information that you would not have access to if the chance of your genetics was only slightly different is bIZARRE, horrific, and fuel for constant inner turmoil. (It sucks y’all)

Now back to Alastor; to have been a mixed person in the Deep South in 1930s America—it’s not too difficult for me to imagine how traumatic and convoluted that experience must have been. Especially when legally and socially, things were so much more Black and White. And when you’re on the line in between that, when society does not prepare a place for your existence, it can be SO isolating. You may consider the absurdity of such an arbitrary method of determining class, status, and/or caste much earlier in life than peers, which only further isolates you. You hold a resentment of society now that you know exactly how the other side is operating to ensure your oppression.

And then I think of Al’s weird ass moral code. How he arrived in Hell and (according to Mimzy) began killing overlords with reckless abandon. This is someone who likely had to develop the cunning to navigate 1930s Deep South America as a mixed, murdering, psychopath without getting caught by authorities who are already gunning for you. And now he is in Hell where the rules of society have gone up in smoke and he can fully embrace his rage, resentment, and vengeance. A desire to burn down the powerful people of the world can be accommodated and ANY previous inhibitions can finally be released. The morality of rising above someone by cutting them down (instead of developing emotional/spiritual healing) has become the easier and satisfying option. Finally the opportunity to show the power-secure villains of the world how easily you can tear them down when nothing is holding you back any longer.

TLDR; The trauma of racism in America is pretty sufficient cannon fodder for a severe psychotic break, the development of socially debilitating behaviors and isolation, and a quest for profound vengeance. So maybe that can explain some of the enigma that is Alastor.

And this is just ONE facet of Al. I didn’t even get to bring up the isolation that comes with being an aroace nonbeliever in the 1930s Deep South. Like FUCK. I’m a mixed, aroace nonbeliever from a modern day conservative town and yall….what a weird experience for sure lol but anyway lemme get back to my life. Whole point of this was—-WHAT AN INTERESTING FUCKEN CHARACTER TO THINK ABOUT

#hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin hotel spoilers #it’s an alastor analysis yalllll #character analysis gives my media and art engagement brain the wiggles #also I hate racism!!!! :)

[worldwright]

Good evening !

Sending this earlier because i'm currently feeling sick because I smelled warm pork ! That's one weird sentence ngl but you can thank my brother for that, he was the one heating the pork. Not sure if I'll be able to eat tonight because it's been 2h since I smelled the pork (new reason for me to hate pork, adds well since i can't really eat pork without being sick afterwards)

So, I'm writing another fic, not the rareship one I wanted but a crack treated seriously, going to see how it turns out :3

Almost 2024. Wow. What a shitty year 2023 was for me. Almost like it's been 6 years I go through not-that-good years, maybe is it because I have undiagnosed depression. Maybe. (it still rubs me the wrong way that there's people out there thinking I'm exaggerating about it -same people that say that I did an attempt on a whim)

No good news on my part today, I discovered that my "new" anxiety meds don't work on me

But at least I made a good hot chocolate today ? I guess it can count as good news ? I hope so ?

Have a wonderful evening my friend !

good morning!! ah sorry your day sucked :'( I hope you'll be able to get some food later! but yommmm hot chocolate :33333

ugh I keep wearing uncomfortable shoes in the hopes that I just need to break them in more :') my ankles are gonna be sore tomorrow

really excited to get back to work, I need the normal schedule back lol. I get crazy if I don't talk to people

I'm on my way to get coffee with my cousin! lol I just woke up and went "what the FUCK am I doing today" and called her. wanna get there early so I have some time to read

hope you recover from gross smells and have a better evening than the rest of the day!

#pen pal

[slasher-male-wife]

OMG i adore halloween and fall activities smh, how about ( fic or headcannons you can choose ) lester sinclair with a male reader whos taking him to a haunted house attraction :)

I'm gonna be honest I've never been to a real haunted house because I hate jump scares and I'm so worried I'm gonna scream really loud or accidentialy punch someone. I also laugh when I get scared sometimes and I worry it will get really awkward for some reason. I've been to kid haunted houses when I was like six-ten years old. Anyway I would love to do this for you. Also ngl Lester Sinclair reminds me of Jesse Pinkman from Breaking bad.

Warnings: Strong language

It's been a year and a half since you started to Live with Lester. You've been out to town a few times before but one day in the first few days of October you see a flyer for a haunted house attraction. You've always enjoyed scary things and you know it would be fun to get Lester a little scared. You take the flyer with you and put it in your pocket. On the drive back you pop the question.

"Now why do you wanna go to a haunted house?" He asks, "A'int Ambrose scary enough for ya? Or at least Bo?"

"Come on Lester it'll be fun. I haven't done this since I was a teenager," You take out the flyer and look it over, "It's open until November 10th giving us plenty of time. It's a night so you won't have work, and it's only 15 dollars to get it. Please honey I really wanna go." You beg. Lester looks over to you and shakes his head.

"Alright fine. We can go in a few days. But I don't know how good it's gonna be darlin'."

"Oh thank you, thank you thank you! I promise it'll be so much fun."

"Just be careful clinging onto me in there. I don't think they'll be too kind about us dating, possum." You look over the flyer and see the area it's being held in.

"I think we'll be ok. I have a cousin who used to live over there and it's a pretty accepting place from what I remember. I swear we'll be ok."

"If ya say so." A few days later you two are getting ready for the attraction. Lester insists on bringing some kind of knife with him 'just in case' but you assure him that you won't be clinging to him at all. You give him the flyer and get in the truck. You reach the small carnival it's being held at and make your way over to the 'house'. It looks like your standard haunted house. All black and purple with uv lights and cobwebs. You're sure it won't be that scary. You take your boyfriends hand and walk in.

Fog machines are going and the lights are dim. You pass by creepy looking painting that have fake eyes following you. You stop to look at one painting that really catches your eye.

"This one looks like this old clown painting at my grandmas house. But like way scarier." Before Lester can get in a response the person in the 'painting' jumps out and you and you jump with a yelp. Lester however laughs, seeming unbothered by the jump scare. You laugh a little too as your nerves settle down and you keep walking on. Passing by fake skeletons and gore.

"It's not as scary once ya see the real deal," He comments. You simply nod and hold onto his arm closer. You can hear constant whispers and you're waiting for the next thing to pop out at you. Lester looks at you and smiles, "Ya scared darlin?" You scoff.

"I am not. I'm just a bit on edge right now."

"If ya say so." You two keep walking until you reach a room that looks like a bedroom. Old dolls, some in tack and others just parts of dolls are everywhere. The door you entered in shuts and you look over at the other door in the room. You hold onto Lester a little tighter but a smile still on your face. You notice a fake body of a little girl laying in a bed. Lester spots it too, "I dare ya to go touch it. Or are ya too scared?" You roll your eyes and let go of his arm.

"This place isn't that scary. I swear I thought you'd be a lot more-" Suddenly the girl jolts up in bed with a scream. You yelp and back up into someone else who quickly wraps there arms around you making you scream again. After a few seconds you realize it's Lester and you groan. "You're so funny huh?" You say sarcasitcally. He just laughs and the two of you move along.

"Aw come on darlin' I thought you wanted to get scared." He says holding your hand, you stick close to him again.

"Well I thought you would be getting scared too ya know?" The two of you leave the haunted house and head back to the truck.

"Well did you have fun?" He asks turning on the truck. You nod.

"I did. Thank you Lester. I love you."

"I love you too possum."

#lester sinclair #lester sinclair x reader #lester sinclair x you #lester sinclair x y/n #slasher x y/n #slasher x reader

[babysaid]

Okay, so my thoughts on RUSH!:

I asked for a meal and Måneskin delivered a BANQUET! It’s a really good album overall: the entire band was on their A game for this one!! I really like the direction they took and the recent interview with Zane Lowe where they talked about the creative process makes me love it even more!

FUCK every basic bitch hating on this album because of the leaked lyrics!!!! Songs are not poetry and the instrumentals / vocal delivery can really elevate the entire thing!!!

Vic was born to play bass, Thomas is a legend, Damiano honestly has one of my favorite voices ever and Ethan is so good I just want him to [redacted] [crash sounds] [gunshots] [dogs barking]

My two cents song by song - that no one asked for - is below the cut

- Own My Mind is already in 3 different playlists of mine. Can’t wait to hear it liveeeee 9.5/10

- Tom Morello had less than 30 seconds and delivered everything in Gossip! Thomas is honestly so fucking talented, I’m gonna cry. Lyrics slap, instruments slap, promo slaped. 9/10

- My first hot take is Timezone. I already knew I would have problems with this songs when I heard it on the tiktok promo. Weakest link the first 5 songs. Emo as fuck, sounds like something a Wrapped Tour band would play (derogatory). Gets points because I can imagine a very aggravated Sony executive listening to “I don’t give a fuck about the contracts that I signed” and I giggle. Also, I miss being a teenager 7/10

- DON’T GET ME STARTED on BLA BLA BLA. Silly as fuck but I LOVE IT. God put Vic De Angelis on this earth just so she could EAT this bass line!!!! My fave along with Own My Mind 9.8/10

- Baby Said has old Strokes vibes so it’s right up my alley. Again, not very strong lyrics but the instrumental and Damiano’s vocals 🫶 8.5/10

- Second hot take: I appreciate its political commentary but Gasoline was never my cup of tea. I’m being very generous calling it “political commentary” tho, they could’ve done better. Gets points because Damiano quoting Chaplin during Coachella and yelling “FORA BOLSONARO” on my concert live rent free in my head. Loses points for being too long 7.5/10

- Feel is a banger!!! @ Walk Like a Badass Playlist on Spotify, we have visitors. Also, again, THOMAS ♥️ 8/10

- I love ass shakers and I especially love ass shakers like Don’t Wanna Sleep. AGAIN, THOMAS AND VIC 8.5/10

- I can tell Damiano was drunk as fuck recording Kool Kids, ICONIC. Also super catchy 8.5/10

- Ballad Alert! If Not For You deserves an acoustic version and I will bug everyone until I get it. Automatic 9/10

- Testing my patience along with Timezone is Read Your Diary. It starts great but then it just becomes a Disney Channel song, babes. A good Disney Channel song, but still. Weakest link on the second part of the album. Gets points for the bass line and, again, because I miss being a teenager 7.5/10

- The first song in italian, Mark Chapman GOES. HARD. AS. FUCK. Instrumental is point, Damiano’s vocals are DELIVERING and ngl it hits different in italian. Makes it to my top 5 of the album 9/10

- I already loved La Fine before, so I still love it but it loses a little of it’s charm when put next to Mark Chapman ngl. I have no choice but to rate it 8.8/10

- The biggest Teatro D’ira vibe on the album is Il Dono Della Vita. A very cohesive and emotional song instrumentally, I can’t wait to read the translation. I hope this one makes it to the live setlist so I don’t have beat anyone on their team to a pulp. It also reminds me: I will never forgive them for not doing Ventanni in São Paulo but doing it in Argentina. That was a hate crime against brazilians and THEY KNOW IT. I digress. 9.5/10

- Mammamia on this album feels like seeing a cousin at a family gathering lmao. Still SLAPS tho 8/10

- My top song on Spotify Rewind in 2022 was Supermodel, so I really like it. HOWEVER, it feels very out of place on this album and it doesn’t go as hard now that we have better songs. You can tell this was a “commercial” song because the other ones are so much more well made (even the ones I don’t like as much). Still has a place in my heart tho 7.8/10

- I really loved The Loneliest when it came out and I still love it! But it suffers from the same curse as Supermodel: the new ballads are so much better. All I can think about now while listening is “I hope they don’t pass up If Not For You and Il Dono Della Vita on the live shows so they can play The Loneliest”. I know it’s gonna happen tho, so I resent it a little bit. 8/10

#maneskin #victoria de angelis #thomas raggi #damiano david #ethan torchio #måneskin

[ppersonna]

swipe right - jjk | m

“ i wanna ruin our friendship. we should be lovers instead. i don't know how to say this, cause you're really my dearest friend “ - jenny, studio killers

♡ summary-  after a horrible breakup, you sign back up for tinder and ironically match with your best friend, jungkook. a date for fun is harmless, right?

♡ genre- best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, jk is a minecraft streamer, brother namjoon, brother-in-law jimin, namjoon is kind of a himbo stay at home dad ngl, ex-boyfriend seokjin (mentioned but doesnt show up)

♡ word count- 9k

♡ warnings- mentions of a bad breakup (smh seokjin wtf??), penetrative sex, unprotected sex (u know the business folx), oral sex (m receiving), teasing, SO MUCH BODY WORSHIP, jk is a simp, slight dirty talk, lots of just talking during sex yall it happens, creampie, cum play, praise praise body worship praise, did i mention body worship, tit-fucking, cum eating, i think thats all.

♡ a/n - helloooo and thank you for your wait for this fic! i’m so happy its done and i loved writing it! it’s a little bit different feel for my usual style of writing (smut-wise) so please tell me your thoughts! i didn’t use dom/sub themes OR a daddy kink LMAOOOO praise me please. i hope you enjoy!! pls feel free to comment, chat, message, carrier pigeon, email, mail, WHATEVER U WANT, me. i love u babies. thank you to @kimtaehyunq​ for the sexy banner. and for @xjoonchildx @ladyartemesia​ @untaemedqueen​ for the writing support and idea generation. i would be nothing without my council. and thank you to my beta editors @hobi-gif and @ughseoks​ and @hongism​ for the perusal and help in writing this!

Jungkook is the person you call when your world falls apart.

He answers, voice raspy from the late hour, and the second he asks you what’s wrong, the downpour of torrential tears you’ve been holding back finally escapes and you’re sobbing through the phone that you just lost the love of your life—that he left and with little effort on his part, and a lot on yours.

Jungkook listens to you—his heart aching deep in his chest at hearing the utter heartbreak that’s clear in your voice. You’ve never been hurt like this, and he’s desperate to hold you, to make it go away. He wants to drive over to Seokjin’s house and throw a left hook into his stupid, handsome face for making you feel you weren’t worth it.

Because if there’s anything in the world that Jungkook knows, it’s that you’re worth it. You’re worth everything. Add up all the money and all the gold in the entire world, and it still doesn’t meet a fraction of what you’re worth to him.

“Where are you?” He asks as he cradles the phone against one arm and pulls on his jeans.  

You sniffle. “Jungkook, it’s 3 am.”

“So? I was up playing Minecraft,” He lies. “Where are you?”

You can’t help but laugh the tiniest bit, a sliver of warmth wrapping itself around your raw and exposed heart. Like a balm to a flesh wound. It doesn’t heal it, not yet.

“I’m at our park.”

Jungkook smiles as he grips the phone back in his hand. The park. The place you and Jungkook spent your childhood playing make-believe games, and formative teenage years loitering around smoking clove cigarettes to look cool.

“Give me five minutes, okay?”

You nod, even though he can’t see you. 

“Okay.”

Jungkook arrives with two minutes to spare. His beat up Nissan that he insists is “vintage” and “priceless” idles next to you.

He can see you through the darkened glass of your car—your mascara is running down your face, tears streaked through your flawlessly applied makeup.

You still look so beautiful.

And it angers Jungkook that all that time you spent looking good for Seokjin meant nothing to him.

He motions for you to come over, pats the passenger seat next to him and smiles as he watches you open the door and slide into the security of his familiar car.

“You cleaned your car,” you murmur as you notice a severe lack of McDonald’s trash.

He sniffs haughtily. 

“The trash added character.”

Jungkook doesn’t give you a chance to respond. Instead, he’s unbuckling his seatbelt and pulling you as close to him as he can get you. The instant his arms wrap around your body, the floodgates open again and your once-quieted tears turn back into full-fledged sobs.

“I loved him,” you gasp through the pain in your throat.

He rubs your back, pats your hair gently, soothing you the way he has for years now. Through every breakup, through every family fight with your older brother Namjoon, through all the mean girls in high school. Jungkook is the north star—always consistent, always guiding you back to safety.

“I know, babe,” he sighs. “You deserve someone who’s going to treat you right, who’s not just going to give up when things get hard.”

You choke back a cry against his Patagonia hoodie and bury your face further into the crook of his neck. He smells like Old Spice and the shampoo he uses, along with the smell of laundry soap you buy for him—he uses dish soap when he runs out and nearly broke his washing machine last time.

“I thought he was the one. I’m so stupid.”

Jungkook swallows hard. Tonight is about comforting you, not about feeling sorry for himself that you’re his best friend and not his girlfriend. He can’t help but think of what kind of life he would give you. He knows it’s one that wouldn’t end with you crying in a parking lot at 3 AM.

“You’re not stupid, you just loved him. And there’s nothing stupid about loving someone, even if it doesn’t work out,” he sighs as he cradles your head against him. It feels right having you there, pressed up against him and seeking comfort from the solace of his arms.

“Let’s go get a milkshake, yeah?” He asks as you pull your head up and look at him with sad, glassy eyes.

“Yeah,” you nod after a moment of staring.

Jungkook’s eyes sparkle with love, with hope. It makes the desperate, alone feeling inside you—disappear. Jungkook presses a soft kiss to your forehead and then starts the shaky ignition of his car, that takes three cranks of the key before it turns over.

He sends you a look, a laugh evident on your face.

“Don’t even start,” he warns. “The engine is fine.”

“Whatever you say,” you snort as you wipe an errant tear from your face.  

“It’s a certified classic car! I could get millions for this baby!”

As the weeks pass, the pain of losing Seokjin becomes further and further from your mind. You can get through the day without crying anytime you see something that reminds you of him and even start flirting with others without feeling like you’re cheating.

You just still haven’t reached the point where dating someone else even feels possible. You’re terrified of allowing someone close to you, letting them into a place where you’re inviting them to possibly hurt you. You’re not sure your heart is ready for it. 

“I think you’re just scared,” your older brother Namjoon states as he warms up a bottle of milk in boiling water. 

He cradles his new baby in one arm while the other works at the bottle of milk. 

“I’m not scared,” you huff. “I just don’t think it’s the right time.” 

Namjoon sighs and hands the gurgling newborn baby off to you and readies the bottle for you to feed your new niece, Jisoo. 

“Look, Seokjin sucks, okay? I know you two were together for some time, but in the end, he wasn’t the right one for you. There’s someone out there who is the right one for you. You know how many shit frogs I had to kiss before I got my prince?” 

You make a face as you feed Jisoo, who happily sucks and gazes at the lights above. 

“You call Jimin a prince?” 

Namjoon sighs dreamily as he watches the baby and thinks of his husband. 

“The dreamiest prince,” he breathes, eyes closed in bliss. “But back to your problems. I think you should get back out there. Go on some dates, meet some people. No one is telling you to fall in love and get married tomorrow. Just go have some fun.” 

You allow Namjoon’s words to mull through your mind. What could be the harm in joining a few dating sites, perhaps spending some time at the gym or grocery store flirting with someone cute?

“Fine,” you say. “I’ll think about it.” 

“Good. I can’t be the only one giving our parents grand-babies. Soo needs a cousin.” 

You smile down at the tiny bundle in your arms and imagine a future where you have a baby of your own. 

“Okay, I’m not trying to get knocked up, Joon.” 

“Whatever,” he sighs. “Help me choose a wall color for me and Jimin’s new master bathroom.” 

Tinder’s changed since the last time you used it, years ago. It’s gone from any semblance of dating to strictly an app used to get laid. 

It’s discouraging swiping through all the obvious fuckboys. Sure, a quick and easy lay sounds great, but you’re also trying to go out and enjoy real, traditional dates, and it seems none of these guys want to step foot outside of a bedroom. 

The swiping left becomes almost monotonous. You’re sitting on your couch, watching some documentary about serial killers, when a startling profile pops up on your Tinder feed. 

The picture that pops up is... Jungkook. You can’t stop the bubble of laughter that leaps from your chest. His profile is so authentically Jungkook that you’re swiping right before you even know it. 

Your brain doesn’t even comprehend what a match with Jungkook means, really. You’re still laughing as you click on the bubble to message him and send him as many laugh emojis as you can. 

“Hey guys, what’s up, Kookie here with another Let’s Play Minecraft video for ya. Be sure to like and subscribe if you enjoy this kind of content.”

Jungkook’s headset is firmly wrapped around his head, mic next to his mouth and hands at the ready on his mouse and keyboard. He’s set and in the zone. 

The game is well into play when the familiar chime of his phone goes off. It’s a Tinder notification—he can tell by the sound. He can’t help but roll his eyes, wondering what sort of boring conversation he’s meant to have with a girl who will probably ghost him, anyway. 

He lazily lifts his phone and glances at the notification, before dropping it back to the desk. 

His hand freezes on his mouse as he finally comprehends what he just read. 

He just matched with YOU. 

His best friend. 

His secret, lifelong crush. 

He sputters something into the microphone and stops recording his game, wildly grasping for the phone and unlocking it. 

YN: 😂😂😂😂 is your bio a Minecraft pickup line?!

He pauses, attempts to collect his thoughts, before desperately typing on his screen. 

JUNGKOOK: Why? 😉😏 did it work?

You spend the rest of your night jokingly flirting with Jungkook, sending GIFs and emojis in between the silly lines you’re using on each other. 

Right before you’re about to head to sleep, Jungkook sends one last message. 

JUNGKOOK: What if we went on a date lolol. Haha jk. Unless?? 👀👀👀

Your thumbs hover over the keys to your phone. 

A date with Jungkook? Even though you matched with him, you’ve never thought of a date with your childhood best friend. 

YN: alright, it’s only fair since we matched 😝 show me how you treat these tinder ladies

“I have a date with Jungkook tonight,” you tell your brother, Namjoon, over the phone. 

Over the crying of your newborn niece, you hear Namjoon splutter in confusion. 

“You what!?” He nearly screams. “Jeon Jungkook? Like... the annoying kid you’ve been friends with since fourth grade?”

You huff. 

“He’s not annoying! He’s my best friend. We ironically matched on Tinder and… Well, why the fuck not? Nothing serious is going to happen. We’ll go out and have a story to tell about how incompatible we are.”

Namjoon doesn’t reply. Instead, you hear him speak to his husband. 

“She’s going on a date with Jungkook,” he says over the muffle of his hand on the receiver.

There’s a shuffle, and the dulcet voice of your brother-in-law, Jimin, comes over the line. 

“Girl,” he starts. “What the fuck?”

You chuckle as you move about your closet, trying to decide what’s appropriate to wear on a date with your best friend. 

“It’s nothing!” 

“Mm-hmm,” Jimin tuts. “You know the boy is in love with you.” 

“Okay, Chim, you’ve been spending too much time cooped up with my brother. It’s affecting your grip on reality.”

“Sure, honey. I just tell it like it is. Don’t break his heart.” 

You roll your eyes. 

“I won’t break his heart because there’s nothing there, Jimin.”

“I’ll be expecting your call later.”

“Yes, dad. Love you guys.”

“We love you too, sweetheart. But really, don’t break that poor boy’s heart.”

You open your mouth to retort yet another reassurance that there’s nothing to break, but the line goes dead.

“Fucking Jimin,” you mutter as you throw your phone to the bed.

You can’t allow yourself to think that Jungkook might have feelings for you. It’s totally out of the questions. He’s your best friend. The guy who shoves Cheetos up his nose to make you laugh and falls asleep during every movie night with his face in the popcorn bowl. He’s just Jungkook. This date is just a funny way to hang out.

So, why do you care so much about what you wear?

You’re still standing in front of your closet, attempting to find something respectable to wear. It doesn’t matter that the last time Jungkook saw you; it was with mascara streaming down your face and a hoodie from Namjoon’s college swimming days and ripped leggings. Jungkook has seen you in nearly everything you wear, so your indecisiveness gives you pause.

Do you want Jungkook to be attracted to you? Do you want to do your best to look as presentable as you would for a normal date?

The thudding of your heart tells you that maybe you’re more interested in this being a date than you’re allowing yourself to believe.

You shake all thoughts off. 

No, you won’t allow yourself to overthink a night that should just be fun.

You settle for a fitted and simple summer dress, tights and heels. Simple, easy, respectable but also showing enough cleavage and sculpt of your ass to ensure you look more dressed up than not.

Perfect.

With one last look in the mirror, you’re ready.

JUNGKOOK: I’m outside!

ME: See you soon!

Jungkook taps his foot anxiously as he sits on the bench outside your apartment. His tight black jeans feel like a second skin on his legs, and the black button-down shirt he’s tucked in makes him rethink his choice of outfit.

Is he too casual?

He’s never really worn something like this around you. This is what Jungkook wears when he wants to seduce. This is what every girl he’s desperately wished was you got to see. The girls who swooned over his messy hair, the way his jeans display his toned thighs, the peek of skin at his throat.

Maybe it’s too much.

Maybe he’s afraid he’ll scare you away.

Maybe he’s afraid you won’t like it.

He’s given no chance to ruminate anymore because you’re exiting the building and walking straight towards him.

He doesn’t think he remembers how to breathe.

It’s as if you walk towards him in slow motion. Angels chorus around him and the setting sun sparkles on your face like a spotlight. There’s nothing in the world anymore, nothing but you.

You’re the most beautiful human he’s ever seen in his life.

“Hi,” you smile as you approach him.

He continues to stare, eyes traveling over the soft curves of your cheeks and jaw, trailing down to the way your dress clings just right to each dip of your body. His throat goes dry.

You are without a doubt the girl of his dreams. 

“Jungkook?”

It pushes him out of his reverie, eyes widening as he realizes he’s been staring at you for maybe a few minutes too long to play off as normal.

“Hey!” He coughs, attempting to right himself.

“You okay?” You ask, eyebrow lifted in concern.

“Yeah! Yup! Totally! I’m okay—a-okay, absolutely great.” He internally slaps himself.

“You clean up nice,” you smile as your eyes elevate up and down the lean form of his body.

“Oh?” He asks, taken aback. 

In his daze, he never even realized what you’re thinking about him, rather only how intensely he was thinking about you.

“This must be the Jungkook that all the girls in college couldn’t stop begging me to hook them up with.”

His cheeks flame with sudden embarrassment, hand moving to the back of his neck to rub it awkwardly. 

“Ha, yeah,” he swallows. “You look r-really nice too. I don’t think I’ve seen you in a dress since your brother’s wedding.”

The smile that he’s rewarded with nearly knocks him on his ass. “Thanks! It’s fun to dress up cute again. Jin hated this dress.”

A stab of pain eeks its way into Jungkook’s heart. Seokjin. God, how he hates that man.

“Well, uh, you can wear whatever you want with me!” He assures. 

You loop your arm around Jungkook’s, saddling up to his side as you look at him expectantly.

“Well, are we going?”

Jungkook can’t help but smile at the sparkle in your eye, the way you peer up at him with those soft, cherry lips. He wants to capture them with his own, kiss you until you don’t remember Seokjin’s name ever again.

But he resists.

“Let’s go!”

You never thought you’d admit it to yourself. You never even thought it could happen. 

But the date is everything you’ve ever wanted, and more. 

Jungkook is still Jungkook, still just as silly and easy to talk to as he always is. 

But he’s also charming. Flirtatious, even. He holds doors open for you; he rests his hand on the small of your back as he guides you towards your table at dinner. He feeds you bites of his dessert and lets his eyes linger on the way your lips look wrapped around his fork. 

Jungkook treats you the way you’ve always wanted to be treated. Like someone he wants to cherish for the rest of your combined lives. Someone he wants to take care of, build a future with, enjoy life with.

And as much as it thrills you, it absolutely frightens you. 

It’s when you’re walking down the small river trail together that Jungkook slips his hand into yours and laces your fingers together. The once-steady beat of your heart becomes erratic. He continues chatting—as if holding your hand was a subconscious act for him. He’s knee deep in a story of his Minecraft server when you stop walking, causing him to pause. 

“What’s up?” He asks curiously. 

Your eyes glitter with anticipation, with fear, as you stare at the gorgeous man before you. He looks like a full course meal in his tight jeans and he makes you feel like a princess. You can suddenly see doing life by his side—no longer his platonic best friend, but as his lover and lifelong partner. 

You say nothing. Instead, you simply close the space between you two by grabbing the buttons of his shirt and tugging his lips onto yours. 

“Wha—oh, mmmmmm.”

Jungkook is still for a second as he battles the surprise, but jumps into action and cups your face with his hands, deepening the kiss by pushing his tongue past your lips and swirling it around your own. 

Your bodies press close together. He can feel your breasts against his chest and he desperately wants to rip the dress off your body and worship you like he’s always wanted to. 

As soon as the kiss started, it’s over. You’re pulling away with eyes wide with fear.

“I’m sorry, I—I need to go,” you stammer awkwardly.

Jungkook’s heart drops to his stomach.

“What? We were going to get ice cream?”

You can feel tears building in the corners of your eyes. You’re so confused, so unsure of what you’re feeling. You want to stay and kiss Jungkook until you’re clawing at the clothing on his body, pressing kisses to the firm column of his neck. You want to run far away, too scared to admit it to him you’re sure you could love him for the rest of his life.

You can’t lose that friendship. You can’t risk everything you love about Jungkook. He’ll only hurt you the way every boyfriend ever has.

“I don’t really feel well,” you swallow hard as you lie. Jungkook always knows when you’re lying.

His body stiffens.

“Okay, let me walk you home.”

You shake your head, already moving away from the man.

“It’s fine. We’re nearby. I’ll just run or something.”

He opens his mouth to protest, but you’ve already turned face and started running the direction away from him.

Jungkook watches, misty-eyed, as the girl of his dreams runs further and further away from him.

You’re sobbing as you finally reach home, out of breath and confused. The phone call to Namjoon is quick.

“Yo,” he says cooly as he answers the phone. His tone changes when he hears your whimpering sobs on the other end.

“Joonie,” you whisper. “I fucked up.”

���Oh god,” Namjoon quickly shuffles and calls his husband over, before putting the phone on speaker.

“What’s happened, baby?” Jimin’s sweet voice asks.

“I—I kissed him,” you sob, holding yourself close in the comfort of the elevator. 

Namjoon and Jimin look at each other with knowing looks.

“We’re on our way over.”

Jimin knows the first order of business is to stop the crying. He places sleeping baby Jisoo in your arms, which quiets your whimpers enough as you cling to the tiny baby. He knows your weakness is sleeping babies.

Namjoon looks on anxiously, hates seeing his little sister upset and with no way to make it better.

Jimin’s been asked to take the lead on this, because he knows his husband's response is to cry as well—he gets emotional anytime he sees her cry. Namjoon agreed, knowing Jimin was better suited for the conversation.

“Tell us what happened,” Jimin asks quietly. You’re rocking the baby gently, sobs turned to sniffles. “Did something go wrong on the date?”

Your eyes peer up at your brother-in-law’s, a wounded look that makes Jimin feel sad. Namjoon clenches beside him, and Jimin lays a hand on his lap to soothe the protective brother.

“No,” you whisper. “That’s the thing. It was an amazing date.”

Jimin watches you curiously, but remains silent to let you continue.

“We had dinner, and we played arcade games and we walked around. And he was so… fuck, he was perfect. It was like dating the guy of my dreams.”

Jimin nods knowingly.

“And it surprised you how much you liked him.”

“Yeah,” you sniffle. “At the end, he was holding my hand and just talking about normal, stupid Jungkook shit, but this time it felt like more. Like, I felt in my heart that I wanted to be the one he always talked to about it. I wanted to be the one he came home to at night.”

Jimin pats your cheek lovingly, the care for his sister-in-law clear in his gaze. 

“You don’t just like him, honey. I think you might even love him.”  

You pull baby Jisoo tighter into your grasp and nod, pathetic tears slipping down your face. 

“I just left him. Like, I ran away from him like an asshole.”

Namjoon grunts and takes a spot next to Jimin. “If he loves you, which I’m sure he does, he’ll still be waiting for you.”

Jimin nods and rests a hand on his husband's back. “But you better have one hell of an apology.”

Jungkook doesn’t answer your phone calls. He doesn’t respond to your texts, snapchats or Instagram DM’s. He doesn’t even look at the TikToks you sent him! It’s becoming infuriating to get in touch with him.

You take matters into your own hands and storm to his apartment after work, the rising tension in your shoulders and stomach full of rocks an indicator of your anxiety about the future of this relationship.

Jungkook opens the door wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweats. All the carefully crafted words exit your mind at light 

speed and you’re left gasping, wide-eyed at the chiseled body of your best friend.

“Can I help you?” He asks, tone flat.

Ouch.

You push past him into the apartment you know so well. “Yeah, you could start by answering your phone.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes and closes the door, then heads back towards the large gaming setup in the living room.

“My apologies for not responding to the girl who literally ran away from me on a date.”

Your cheeks heat uncomfortably as you stand in the center of his living room, arms crossed over your chest. 

“Jungkook, listen. I’m—”

“Please,” he shakes his head as he sits down at the impressive gaming chair. “Save the apologies. I get it.”

“You don’t get it!” You say, exasperated. “You don’t get any of it! That’s why I’m here.”

Jungkook narrows a look at you then stands from his chair. Slowly, he makes his way towards you and stands inches from your face. The proximity of his bare, toned chest to your body makes your throat dry.

“No, you don’t get it.” His voice is threateningly quiet, completely different from his usual chipper tone. 

“Jungkook, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” He quirks his head sarcastically, and you’re struck by the sharp lines of his jaw. “Sorry for running away from the date? Sorry for going on a date? Sorry for making me feel like I had a fucking chance when you kissed me?”

You swallow hard and open your mouth to reply, but he cuts you off.

“I’m sorry too. For giving myself way too much hope that this could ever be something. I’m sorry for myself for thinking you’d at least respect me enough to reject me politely.”

“You always had a chance!” You can feel tears building in your eyes and Jungkook feels his heart pound in his chest like a drum.

He scoffs, a harsh and mirthless laugh. “Clearly not.”

“I just—,” you start. “I never saw you like that before and suddenly you became everything I’ve ever dreamed of. It was like getting hit by a train, Kook! Suddenly my best friend turned into the man of my dreams.”

He shakes his head, stepping back away from you.

“I really find it hard to believe you,” he whispers. “I can’t let myself hope.”

“Jungkook, please,” you beg as tears start slipping down your face. “Please believe me.”

“Just leave,” he sighs. “I hate making you cry.”

You want so badly to wrap yourself in his arms, cry into his chest like you always do when you’re hurt. But you stand still, frozen in your shame and embarrassment of hurting your best friend so badly.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, before you spin around as quickly as you can and leave Jungkook’s apartment in a flurry.

He watches as the door slams behind you, eyes full of sadness and regret. As much as he wants to believe you, have faith in every word you said, he can’t allow himself to get his hopes up again.

He can’t watch you run away from him again.

“Welcome back to Kookie’s Wild Weekly Walkthrough!” Jungkook cheers as enthusiastically as he can through his microphone. “The weekly segment where I react to your Minecraft worlds!”

Jungkook needed to dive back into streaming to take his mind off of you. He hasn’t left his apartment in days, only subsisting on takeout and coffee. At least he was making more money and his subscribers didn’t seem to mind the up-tick in content.

“Tonight I’ll be walking through a creation sent by,” he squints at the username. “‘Kookiesgal95’ Aww that’s cute.”  

He readies the content and starts his camera as he watches the YouTube link. His subscribers love his reaction videos—it’s a highly requested segment.

The video starts off easily, a generic Minecraft world that looks like a park.

“Hi Kook.”

The voice that reverberates through his headphones makes him pause the video quickly, wide-eyed with recognition.

It’s you. He’d know that voice from a million others. 

Shit. He’s going to have to edit so much of this clip. He’s staring at the screen as if he’s just seen a ghost.

Unsteadily, he clicks play again and watches as you lead him through your Minecraft creation.

“I wanted to recreate something for someone very special in my life.”

Jungkook doesn’t even bother to react to this anymore. This entire video is going to be worthless—there’s nothing he can say.

The video pans around the Minecraft setup and he can see what looks like handmade swings and merry go rounds.

“It took me a really long time to do this and an embarrassing amount of help from some twelve-year-olds on the internet.”

He laughs and is stunned by the wet tears rolling down his cheeks. He hadn’t realized he was crying.

“I re-created a park that is really special to my best friend and I.”

He feels his chest tighten and relax. The park. 

“This is the spot where he held me when my dog died when I was nine. I still miss that dog.”

The view is on a spot next to a blocky oak tree. Jungkook remembers that day, remembers your heartbroken sobs as he whispered words of comfort to you. He misses that dog, too. 

“This is where he and my brother got in a fight when we were eleven, because my brother called me a stupid-head. My best friend has always been protective of me, even from my own big brother.”

He can still remember pushing Namjoon around after hearing him call you names. He pushed Namjoon over and threatened to use his “big muscles” if he did it again.

The camera pans to an enormous structure, rather sloppily made, of a slide and monkey bars.

“This is where we first shared a joint in high school. I coughed a lung up and he ran down the street to a gas station at ten pm to get me a bottle of water even though I told him I was okay,”

The memory of the bewildered 7-11 employee plays through his mind. The man watched as a very stoned, very out of breath, Jungkook paid for a bottle of water in coins.

The video continues playing, moves towards what appears to be a parking lot made of cobblestone blocks.

“This is where he held me when my world fell apart.”

The break-up. The way you cried and cried and cried in his arms and he held you as if you were the only thing left on Earth. 

“This is where he reminded me I’m worthy of love, that I’m not broken. This is where he held me like I was delicate, but treated me like I was unbreakable.”

His tears don’t stop. Jungkook feels his heart thundering in his chest like a summer storm. 

He can hear your sniffles through the recording of the video—you were crying too. It pans around to the swing set.

“And this is where I’ll tell him everything, tonight. Where I’ll tell him how deeply I love him and how I want to make him the happiest guy in the world. In all of Minecraft and beyond. I hope he comes.”

Jungkook doesn’t even bother turning his camera off.

Instead, he’s running to change out of his three-day-old clothes and bolt out the door.

The creaky, rusty metal of the swing set is deafeningly loud in the silence of your park.

It’s dark, just a few street lights around to illuminate the perimeter, but it’s otherwise only lit by the moon.

It’s getting cold. You shiver in your hoodie and kick at the dirt under your swing. 

Maybe he didn’t see the video. Maybe he wasn’t going to show.

Maybe it was too late.

You spent hours working on the Minecraft world, staying up at all hours of the night to build and craft a poor re-creation of this park. The twelve-year-olds on Reddit had been invaluable and Namjoon definitely made fun of you for your creative assistants. But it had all been worth it. 

“Fuck,” you speak out loud to no one, as you try to warm your hands in the pockets of your sweater. “It’s cold.”

“You should have brought a jacket.”

The sudden voice from behind startles you. You hop off the swing and whip around to face  down the intruder.

Jungkook.

He looks so good. He’s wearing a thick coat and tight jeans. Your eyes take a delicious journey from head to toe.

He can’t help but preen at your blatant appreciation. He enjoys knowing you’re attracted to him, at least physically.

“You came.”

He nods and takes a nervous step towards you. He’s still far away, more than an arm's-reach away. You’re desperate to bring him closer, to pull him tight against your body and wrap yourself around him. You never want to be without his gentle touch again.

“I felt pretty compelled to come after you made all this in Minecraft for me.” He cracks a wry smile, a boy-ish grin that makes your heart flutter.

“It took me twenty-five hours and some teenagers to help.”

He laughs, a beautiful sound that warms you. “I’m sure they were ecstatic to help.”

You chew at the inside of your cheek, nervous at what he thinks about your in-game confession.

“Did you mean it?” He asks. He steps closer—one more step.

“Every word.”

His eyes are searching yours for the truth, desperately diving into the depths for validity.

“Why did you run away?” Another step.

You swallow hard, heavy tears brimming in your eyes.

“You went from being the silly best friend to being the person I could spend the rest of my life with. It all hit me. It’s always been you.”

One more step and now he’s just within your reach. If you stuck your hand out, your fingers would graze the soft puff of his coat, the delicate skin of his neck. 

“I’ve always felt that way about you. I never thought you’d feel the same.”

You smile softly, timidly. “It just took me a little while longer to realize it.”

All at once, Jungkook closes the gap and holds you gently by your cheeks. His thumbs wipe at the moisture under your eyes. 

“I promise to never make you cry again,” he whispers reverently. 

“And I promise to never run away from you again.” 

Jungkook smiles at that, cradling your face like you’re the most expensive and precious jewel. 

“Can I kiss you again?” He asks, somewhat unsure of himself. 

“I would like it if you would.”

As Jungkook presses his cold, plush lips to your own, you make a promise to yourself to never go a day without kissing him again. 

“I can’t believe you’re in my bedroom,” Jungkook murmurs as he kisses at your face. After the park, Jungkook loaded you into his priceless Nissan and scurried home. You could hardly keep your hands off him as he drove you back to his place—reaching and caressing the spots on his body you’re dying to become familiar with. 

“I’ve been in your bedroom before,” you remind him as he tugs up the hoodie you’re wearing. 

“God, don’t be so semantic when I’m trying to fuck you,” he says before throwing the hoodie to a corner of the room. “You know what I mean.”

Jungkook kisses you again, all lips and teeth and tongue. He kisses you like you’re the last breath of air, and he’s greedy for every bit. He grips your hips, not too tight, and brings your body against his. You can feel him grow in hardness in his too tight, and it feels like bliss. 

Teasingly, you grind your hips against his, making him shudder with desire.

“I want you,” he whines as he nibbles at your lip. 

“Really? I couldn’t tell.”

He opens his eyes to level a look at you, pulling his mouth away from yours. 

“You’re such a little smartass.”

His hands become feverish on your jeans, tugging apart the button and flicking down the fly. He pushes them down quickly, and you kick them off carelessly. 

He can’t stop looking at you in your bra and panties, standing at the foot of his bed. 

“Holy shit, okay, this is happening, right? Like, this is real?” 

You smirk, pleased with Jungkook’s obvious excitement. 

“Let me prove it’s not just a dream.” 

Softly, you spin Jungkook around and push him down to sit on his bed. He complies easily, eyes wide and excited. 

“If this is a dream, would you be able to feel this?” You ask as you unbuckle  his belt and open his jeans. He doesn’t reply, simply watches you as you tug his jeans down to his thighs. 

His cock strains hard against his tight boxers, and you run a teasing finger over the obvious bulge. 

“Oh fuck,” he breathes. 

“Feels pretty real, huh?”

“Y-yeah.” 

Your delicate hands gently tug at the waistband of his boxers and easily work them down enough to free the length of his cock. It springs out easily and your eyes widen at the impressive size. You assumed he would be at least average, but you’re looking at something definitely more. 

“Oh wow,” you whisper. “You’re fucking huge.” 

Jungkook grins. “All for you, baby.” The cockiness is palpable. 

One solid grip around him wipes the presumptuous smile off his face, replaced with a gasping, shuddering moan. 

“How about this? Not a dream?”

He struggles to find his voice, instead he’s gulping for air like a fish out of water. 

“That’s what I thought,” you whisper before settling into a position on your knees. “I’ll admit, I’ve dreamt about this too. I always felt so ashamed for dreaming about sucking my best friend's cock.”

You press soft kisses to the head of his length, teasing the sensitive areas at the tip before kissing up and down the length. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

His evident desire for you encourages you, and your tongue swipes at the crown of his tip and swirls around it gently. 

“Oh my god.” His eyes shutter closed and you trace the veins in his dick with your tongue. 

“This h-has to be a dreeeaaaaam,” he whines as you make an exceptionally long stripe with the flat of your tongue. 

You pull off for a moment, humming. He springs his eyes open and watches as you reach behind your back and unsnap your bra. Your breasts escape with a bounce and his eyes widen, nearly bulging out of their sockets. 

“What the fuck,” he whines. “You have the most amazing tits.”

He reaches out to grasp them and you slap them away playfully. 

“Not yet,” you smirk. “Still trying to convince you you’re not asleep.” 

He sucks in his breath and puts his hands back to the bed to steady himself, eyes never leaving yours (except to stare at the luscious curves of your body). 

Grasping your breasts in both hands, you smash them together lightly in an elaborate show of what Jungkook wants most. You lean over his body and place the throbbing thickness of his cock in between your tits, allowing him to feel just how soft and warm they are. 

“Shit!” He yelps, grabbing his sheets in a tight fist. “Are you really tit-fucking me right now?!”

Slowly, you lift your body up and down, allowing his cock to feel each stroke of your breasts. You nod at his question and continue to pump up and down. 

“Still dreaming?” 

He whines and shakes his head, already feeling so close to the edge. His cock is slick from your teasing licks and the pressure of your tits surrounding him had his mind spinning with desire. 

“Ahhh, I’m so fucking close,” he warns.

You continue, speeding up the friction and pressure of your strokes. 

“I want you to cum on me, Kook,” you whisper encouragingly. “Cum on my tits, please?”

Jungkook feels like he’s a wire about to snap, and your thick, sultry voice and incredibly perfect breasts are the snips that breaks him apart. 

“Oh, shit,” he grunts. “Gonna paint your titties white, baby.”

His moans echo around the walls of his bedroom, small gasps of pleasure and your name escaping his perfectly plump pout. 

His hot load splatters on your chest, and you stroke him through each pulse of his cock. You’re slippery with his seed now, and when you pull away from his spent length, you make a show of rubbing in his cum over your chest.

“Okay, definitely not dreaming,” he says in a daze as he watches you lift a wet finger to your mouth, popping it in to clean it off. “Who knew you were so fucking kinky?” 

His confidence grows as he catches his breath. He can’t believe he’s sitting on his bed with you on your knees, breasts covered in his load. You’re suckling the cum off your finger like it’s his cock, and he’s desperate for more.

“There are lots of things you don’t know about me,” you shrug. 

Swiftly, he grabs you gently by your bicep and pulls you close, sucking at your lips until you’re both standing. 

“I plan to find out everything.” 

Suddenly, you’re switching positions and Jungkook is pushing you down into the bed. You lay flat in the center, body relaxed and eager for your best friend.

“What are you doing?” You ask. He’s still standing at the end of the bed, watching you get comfortable. Once he’s satisfied that you’re lying exactly how you want, he settles himself by your feet.

“Worshipping you,” he says as he lifts an ankle and presses gentle kisses to your calf. “Showing you how much I adore you.” More kisses, soft and sweet. “Showing you how I plan on treating you for the rest of your life.” 

He takes his time, lavishing your legs with his mouth. He kisses and sucks at any spot, sexual or not. He mouths at the roundness of your knees, your firm hamstrings. He presses his love into the skin of your thighs, mouthing his praises with each kiss. 

He reaches the dip of your hips and he gently kisses your exposed skin as he tugs your cotton panties off you. 

“I have loved every inch of you since before I can remember,” he praises as his lips skim over the mound of your cunt. “And I don’t plan on stopping soon.” 

Your body feels like it’s on fire, as if Jungkook lights a match at every spot his lips press against. Your eyes close, and you allow Jungkook to continue his pious worship of your body. 

He teases around your folds, kissing your labia ever so gently—making you gasp. He doesn’t linger long, only kisses you enough to stir the licking flames of heat in your belly.  

He kisses at your stomach, gently nibbling and laving at the softness there. You try to hide from him, try to hide your insecurities of your body in his thorough exploration, but he moves your hands. 

“I know you don’t like this part of your body,” he murmurs. His voice is so soft, so pure and sincere. “But I do. I love everything about you.” 

His tongue swirls around your belly button, making you gasp at the ticklish sensation. 

“You’re so pretty. So perfect.” 

He continues upwards, lips now trailing to your full breasts. He takes his time there, licking and kissing and flicking at your nipples with his tongue. It feels exhilarating—Jungkook’s mouth feels like everything you want it to feel like. His tongue is warm, and he bites with just enough pressure to make your back arch off the bed into his embrace.

His hands explore, taking stock of every millimeter of skin he can find. He wants to memorize every freckle, every bump, every scar and line. Your body is his paradise, and all he can think of is you, you, you.

One hand travels down your body as he moves his lips up your neck. It snakes down your stomach and deftly slides over your soaked core. You whine as you feel his fingers part your folds and dip into the wetness.

“So wet,” he says out loud, verbalizing every tantalizing detail of your body. “So perfect.”

His lips are finally at your own and you kiss him passionately, tongue swirling around his as he slides his two fingers past your clit and into your drenched hole. You gasp against his mouth, eyes widening as he slowly scissors his fingers into you and pumps slowly. It’s almost teasing, the way he fucks his fingers in you. Slow, firm movements with his powerful hands.

“Jungkook!” You gasp. He doesn’t reply, instead he bites at your lip and tugs, then trails his hot mouth back down to your nipples. He can’t get enough of your breasts and the slightly salty taste of him still lingering.

“You feel so good,” he says as he speeds his fingers up minutely. “So tight and wet for me.”

Your hips writhe in need. He’s giving you what you need, but not enough. You need more, more. You want to feel him, all of him, spearing you open.

“Please, Kook,” you groan. “I need you.”

He laughs softly against your nipple and sucks extra hard, letting it pop out of his mouth audibly.

“And I need you, my love.”

“Fuck me, please.” You’re desperate, thighs quaking from the slow teasing. “I want you to fuck me, Jungkook.”

Chills shudder down Jungkook’s spine and he’s powerless to say no, not when you demand it so well.

“With pleasure,” he agrees. He pulls his fingers from within you and copies your move, sliding them into his mouth to suck your essence off. 

He’s never looked sexier. His eyes are dark chocolate pools of burning intensity, and you feel your breath become shaky as you watch him clean his fingers with precision.

After he’s deemed his fingers sufficiently clean, he settles himself between your legs. Easily, he lifts your hips and shoves a pillow underneath, elevating you to a more comfortable position. He grabs your legs and tosses each over his shoulders so they’re higher in the air. 

“I’m going to fuck you so good, baby,” he promises as he rubs the tip of his cock on your soppy slit. “Condom?”

You shake your head, appreciative of his question but desperate to feel him completely.

“Birth control. Regularly tested. Haven’t had sex in a while,” you blurt out. “You good?”

He nods in agreement. “Same. Well, except the birth control. But, I’d take it if they made it for men.”

“Jungkook!” You whine. Your best friend is so easily sidetracked. “Please, can you fuck me?”

He grins. “Tsk, someone is impatient.”

A low moan is rumbling in your chest as he continues to rub his thick cock at your entrance.

“I swear to god, you’re the biggest tease.”

“Oh, I’m definitely the biggest.”

Before you can react, he’s pushing past your entrance and sliding deep in your walls. Your position makes his cock feel deep, and he bottoms out and stills there, eyes closed in bliss.

“Holy shit,” he gasps. “This is absolutely the best pussy I’ve ever felt.”

You wiggle your hips as you get used to the sensation of the delicious stretch.

“Please don’t tell me how many pussies you’ve felt when you’re balls deep inside of me.”

Jungkook turns his head and kisses at your legs resting on his shoulders, lavishing them with his praise once more as he keeps his cock buried inside your tight heat.

“Yours is the only one that matters. The only pussy I’ll ever be in for the rest of my life.”

“That’s a good answer,” you smile. “Now, fuck me, lover boy.”

Jungkook winks and grips your hips with his hands. He swiftly pulls out, enamored with the way his cock is already covered in your creamy essence, then eagerly pushes back in. He sets a pace and soon the sound of skin clapping on skin echoes around the room.

“Oh god!” You’re moaning loudly, unabashedly. You’re thankful that Jungkook’s old roommate, Yoongi, moved out to live with his boyfriend Hoseok months ago. He’d definitely complain about the noise for months. “Fuck, Jungkook, you feel so good.”

Jungkook fucks into you with ferocity, speed and power gradually rising as he feels his core tighten with the coming anticipation of release.

“Mmm, you look so fucking sexy like this,” he murmurs. “Getting fucked by your best friend’s fat cock.”

He moves a hand from your hip, trails it up your body to squeeze at your breast, before he’s cupping your face once again. His hips snap against yours and he loves the way your mouth utters little squeaks and gasps with each deep thrust into you.

“God, my beautiful girl,” he groans. “Can’t wait to cum in this pussy, shit, you got me so fucking close.”

You open your mouth desperately and Jungkook easily slips his thumb in. You latch on quickly and suck, tongue swirling around the tip like you’re sucking another cock. It nearly sends him over the edge and the speed of his hips matches his desperate need for more.

“Fucking hell,” he bites back. He can feel his belly tighten, driven further and further to the edge by the constricting wetness of your cunt. 

He pulls his thumb out and moves it down to where his cock spears into you, allowing your spit to swirl with his thumb around your clit. Your core tightens around him at the added stimulation and your back arches up in ecstasy.

“I’m so c-close, Kook,” you plead, as if begging for mercy. “Please, I want to cum so bad.”

The speed of his thumb increases, and he watches as your face twists in pleasure and desperation. 

“Cum on my cock, baby, let me see you fall apart. Show me what I’ve dreamt of for so long.”

A high and wanton cry ripples out of your body as he savagely increases his speed, both his cock and thumb working overtime to drive you towards your end. The butterflies that erupt in your lower stomach make your moans louder, higher. You’re so close, closer than ever. It’s building to an incredible crescendo.

He can tell you’re close—he sees it on your face as your back arches and your fists grip his sheets.

“You look like a fucking angel, baby,” he whines as he soaks in the vision of you writhing underneath him. “I bet you cum like an angel, too. Let me see it, let me see.”

With just a few more swirls of his thumb and his deep, hard strokes, you’re soaring over the edge into a pool of nothingness. Your cunt pulsates wildly around his length, milking and stroking it with your tight walls. You throw your head back, moaning out his name at the top of his lungs, letting his neighbors know just who fucks you so well.

“Holy shit,” he gasps, hips stuttering as he fucks into your juicy hole. “That was so fucking sexy.”

You grip his forearms, holding onto him tight and encourage him to go harder. “Cum inside me, Kookie, please. I’m all yours, make me yours.”

His heart feels like it might burst in his chest. He’s always wanted you to say it to him, to hand over your love to him like he does so easily to you. It’s all so much, so overwhelming, and the feeling of your hot cunt still fluttering around him sends him reeling into his own completion. 

He spills into you, warm seed coating your walls and pooling inside your womb. He fucks himself through each throb of his cock until he’s sure he’s drained every ounce of himself into you.

Your legs slip off his shoulders easily, and he gently pulls himself out of you. He falls beside you, panting with exertion, and wraps an arm around you.

After a few silent moments of catching your breath, Jungkook pulls you in close to him until he can koala-cling to you, arms and legs both wrapped around your body.

“Mine,” he whispers as he kisses your head. “All mine.”

You return the favor, clinging to your best friend—boyfriend—like he’s your only lifeline.

“All yours.”

“So, you’re telling me, you got together because of Minecraft?” Jimin asks, pointing a fork in your direction. It’s been months now since your grand virtual declaration of love for Jungkook. Months of bliss and romance, laughter and companionship. 

You were right all along. Jungkook is everything you’ve wanted in a man and more.

You’re sitting at your brother’s expensive dinner table, enjoying a meal with his family with your boyfriend at your side.

“Yeah, Jimin, I guess that’s what I’m saying,” you retort as you roll your eyes. “Minecraft and Tinder.”

Baby Jisoo is awake and in your brother’s arms, but she’s whining and wiggling to leave him.

“What’s wrong, Soo?” Namjoon asks with a pout on his lips. “Why don’t you want daddy anymore?”

Jimin snorts at his husband and you hold out your arms for your baby niece. “Come here, baby, I know you want auntie.”

Namjoon dutifully hands over his daughter, sulking that he’s been picked over for his sister. 

You cradle the baby in your arms, expecting her to calm once she’s there, but she continues to fuss. She’s thrusting her arms out and nearly crying, reaching towards Jungkook who’s busy chowing down on Jimin’s homemade ramen.

“I think she wants you, Kook,” you murmur. He looks at you, then to the baby, then back to you, before he wipes his hands and face clean with a napkin.

“Oh, okay,” he whispers, slowly taking the baby from your arms with your help. “Hello, ma’am.”

Namjoon and Jimin laugh. “She’s a baby, Jungkook, not an elderly woman,” your brother teases.

Jungkook doesn’t listen. He’s too busy cooing at the baby in his arms and playing with her tiny hands. Namjoon turns his attention away and looks at you.

“Guess I won’t be the only provider of grandchildren for much longer.”

You playfully glare at him and turn away to watch your boyfriend. Watching Jungkook interact with your niece makes your heart swell, your soul sing. He’d be a perfect father.

“I swear, if he teaches her how to play Minecraft, he’s banned from the household,” Jimin grumbles. “This is a No-Nerd-Zone.”

Jungkook cradles the child and rocks back and forth, singing her a soft, made-up song, before he looks over at you.

“Hey, I want one of these,” he smiles. “Can we have one?”

You lay a hand on your stomach, a soft bump not quite visible yet. It’s only been one test, the lines faintly indicating ‘positive’ on the stick. You wanted to make sure, get confirmation before you spill the beans.

“Sure, Kookie.”

He grins and leans over to kiss you, before turning his attention back to the baby. “Okay, Jisoo, now let me tell you all about the Endermen.”

Jimin groans. “Oh my god, do not give Minecraft facts to my infant!”

tag list - @giadalin @nohayarcoirissintormenta @pjmislovely @xhazmania @marcoazam2 @eggbutnotyolk @feel-the-sunset @unicornbabylover @aretha170 @jeonmisha @hordanhearsawhooo 

© ppersonna - 2021 - do not repost on any site, or translate without express permission from author.

#bts smut #jungkook smut #bts fic #jeon jungkook smut #jungkook #ficswithluv #jjk smut #bts fics #jjk fic #jungkook fic

[chans-bad-girl]

Hey I was wondering if you could do a fic with channie about if you have a vagina with hair? cause, you know, it’s such a pain to shave/wax down there and it makes me insecure sometimes thinking boys won’t like it. thank you!

ahh I feel you on the part where it's a pain lol shaving is so annoying (in east asian culture I've actually picked up that they don't shave down there anyway so I think the real Chan or just most Korean celebrities wouldn't really bat an eyelash at it (?) lol)

PS: this kinda made me understand I'm not that good at hurt/comfort 😬 but enjoy

Closer

pairing: soft long distance bf! chris x afab yn

warnings: actually pretty soft ngl, creampie, penetrative sex, clitoral stimulation, a bunch of random touching, nipple play when you really hone in on the details, maybe one pet/nickname and also dirty talk but what is a smut fic without dirty talk?

chris' close friend hyunjin got married eight hours ago. he'd never met you, but as his best friend's plus one, you were treated like family: grand buffet packed with traditional korean dishes, unlimited champagne and wine, and the family-lounge away from all the third-cousins his parents invited for formality's sake.

hyunjin's 7-year-old niece caught the bridal bouquet, all stomaches were filled, and everybody sang their hearts out on the poor karaoke machine. in short: you had fun.

but after 4am, you arrive at the hotel, high-heeled shoes the first thing to come off, and you remove all the layers: hair pins, make up, dress, spanx.

chris takes off your necklace, fingers cold against your neck, and whispers, "haven't really had any one-on-one moments today, hm?"

you know where this is going but there’s a minor problem: you had to rush getting ready for the wedding because your flight was late, so you only shaved what the dress exposes.

you two haven’t seen each other in a month and during that time, between lectures and finals, you couldn’t have bothered less about your pubic hair. one less thing to do in the shower.

but now you regret it. because his leg presses between your hips from behind you, and his kisses have gotten wet.

“sorry, channie, but I haven’t shaved in…a bit. I can help you, and tomorrow I'll shave properly.”

“but I don’t care about that stuff, just want you close.”

"tomorrow, yea?" you sit on the bed and put your necklace on the nightstand.

he follows you like a lost puppy, keeping enough distance.

"I wouldn't judge you. especially not for something as small as that. hair is normal and I'm also not always shaved."

"I know...just wanna look good for you."

"alright selena gomez, can I love my girlfriend now?"

"what if I like it like that? a bit unruly?"

"yea?" you tilt your head and stare at his lips. maybe it really doesn't matter.

"yea. I like you in every single way." he trails a wet path of kisses down your neck, down to your collarbone. "and I also want to take you in every single way so if you won't let me love you I might have to kiss you until you're soaking and begging for me." now he comes closer, gaining confidence from the inquiry of your stare. maybe he should fuck that insecurity out of you.

"what if I want you to?"

"oh?" the smirk on his face only grows bigger when you shift to sit on his lap.

because he's right. you can trust him. you want and love each other and that's the only thing that matters right now.

"let me make you feel good, baby, huh?"

his forehead finds yours, and he swallows your little gasps and sighs that you respond to his touch with.

his hands trail up your thighs, then squeeze your waist. and when you tug at his shirt, he flips you onto your back.

"gosh, all night I couldn't wait. it's been way too long." he whispers in your ear, kisses your neck, tickles your cheeks with his curls.

slowly, he takes your shirt off. it tickles when cold air hits hair around your nipples, but chris is quick to replace that feeling with pleasure by twirling his tongue. and you wrap your legs around him.

it doesn't take long for the both of you to lie bare in front of each other, uncomfort long forgotten as the pulse between your legs allows no other thoughts than those of chris inside of you.

"please." your back archs as you close your eyes.

"please what, baby?" his lips brush against yours as he mumbles.

"please fuck me. now." you grab his girth and pump him a few times before aligning.

"so wet and demanding."

"already losing your mind, chan?"

"sight's too pretty." he winks with a smirk that turns into a drawn out hum when he enters your walls.

he's right. it's really been too long.

the second he starts thrusting, your hands are all over him: pressing on his back, sliding down his chest, massaging between his thighs.

he moves at a slow pace and fills you with only his tip, then with his whole shaft over and over.

and when he speeds up, he starts kissing you.

"you're gorgeous," he hushes against your lips. "don't shave just for me. if you want to, do it for yourself. but I shouldn't be the reason, yea?" his lips leave yours so he can look you in the eye at which a wave of warm tingles travels through your body.

the raised eyebrows and soft smile, his deep brown stare and the slow thrusts that have your bodies sticking in sweat: the man in your arms loves you and it's the best thing you've ever learned.

you don't give him an answer to his little question, but connect your lips instead, circling your hip in his rhythm. because you love him too with the same amount of care.

"besides, I think it's cute." chris trails a finger down your body - between your breasts down to your core - to circle it around your clit.

a moan escapes your lips and he drinks it right up.

but you don't last long with the double stimulation and the realization that you've built up way too much of this desire for the past months.

truth is, only he can make you feel this way.

"chan, I'm gonna cum." and even though he could already tell from your strong grip on his back and the loud moans, he finds it hard to control his own orgasm when you whimper out like that.

"then don't hold back. cum with me, y/n." his low whispers push you over the edge and the violent clenching of your core has you squeezing your eyes in bliss.

as a response to your spasms and whimpers, chris fills you with his cum as his whole shaft pushes into you.

but it isn't enough for him.

he hasn't seen you real fucked out since that one night out in that abandoned beach parking lot where he gave you seven orgasms four months ago, and right now he doesn't care who hears. he just wants to make you feel good. make up for the lost time.

"wanna find out just how good it can get?"

"yes, please."

#contemplated on calling this tangled lol #smut #stray kids smut #skz #kpop smut #skz smut #stray kids #bang chan #chan #chan x reader #bang chan x you #stray kids x y/n #chan x y/n #stray kids bang chan #chan smut #bang chan smut #chan; #oneshot; #allysinbox #chan oneshots #chan drabbles

[mushi-miko-unya-no-happypy]

Shoutout to @sillynightmarearbiter for the idea for this

So you’ve picked (back possibly) up Azur Lane, I get it, pngs are cute, it’s a generous gacha and the gameplay is refreshing for the usual turnbased gachas, it’s a home run in every way shape and form- You’re in deep (or at least you wanna try and be) but there’s one small issue, everyone is telling you BiS (best in slot) gear that takes OpSi or Research to get, research takes months and you need BiS gear to farm OpSi in any way that doesn’t take decades so what gives? Must you slog and suffer in the mines? Oomfie im here to tell you that 90% of people in this game who give decent advice have also been playing this game forever, the low level scene is alien to them- but fear not! Your beloved oomfie Smugg will pass you the deets on how to gear up your pngs like a pro without having to spend a decade looking up cheap strats, gimme a couple paragraphs of your time and you’ll be c6ing and meta 15ing in no time at all

Let’s start with a bit of a preface, this will take grinding- a lot of grinding, 10s of thousands of oil of grinding, the road to heaven is paved with violence but- rejoice, unlike old AL you no longer have to do it yourself! If you’re doing something that you can leave your phone on and press a button every once in a while by all means do it! I grind during viddy gaems, while I’m cleaning, anytime I’m not actively using my phone (which isn’t all that often ngl but) I’m always on the grind- you don’t need to go crazy and stupid like me but you get the idea. Enough cock rating, time for a taste test

Chapter one- baldi’s basics

I’m sure you’ve noticed certain ships share certain slots, every ship has Auxiliaries (shortened to auxs), Most ships have Main guns (shortened to mg), most Vanguard (vg) have torpedos (torps), and a whoooole lot have Anti Air guns (AA), Carriers (and light carriers) have Dive Bomber (DB), Torp Bombers (TB) and Fighters (don’t shorten this one idk why), a few of these share a BiS (remember best in slot, this one will be said a lot) so we’re gonna go over shared first

Torpedos :) -

Torps are classified in two different ways, either you’re willing to manual (control your funny little kansen) or you’re not (auto)- I will tell you now, top level play of this game is auto mostly, with a bit of manual for the hardest stuff you can find, don’t get caught up on the silly stuff, both are challenging in their own right if you know what you’re doing- For auto torps you’re going to want mags (magnetic), and I’m sure you’ve all heard the name Quintmags

the crème de la crem, but tragically they’re locked behind gear lab, which takes OpSi, which takes good gear. I’m sure I know what you’re all thinking “oomfie if quintmags are the best don’t we just rarity down, the gold mags are easy to get” I like where your going with this but hold your horses, rainbow quintmags have much better tracking then their gold cousins, what you’re gonna want are gold quadmags

They’ve got one less torp but are waaaay more likely to hit because they have a much more favorable spread (the angle at which they fire, will be used with a lot of weapons), best part? You can get them from IB tech boxes (and divergent chessboard warchives d1 if you’re really fiending), try and get as many of these as you can because these are your best friends till you get your quintmag. Now for manual; when you manual there are two types of ways to play torps, either you play passively and try to hit as many torps as you can if your boats aren’t particularly torpedo inclined, or you do a strategy called “face torping” where you find some good ships with excellent torp (shimakaze, ayanami, noshiro, jintsuu, Duca, naganami etc) and hood your torps till you’ve got them all saved up, wait for skills to proc if you need them (like helena or ayayas for example), then run up on the boss and nuke the fuck out of them, for passive play style the 533 is only outclassed by its gearlab counterparts

While for face torping 610 quads (or quints if you played during shimmy event) are the way to go

#azur lane #this is probably going to be a multi parter #sorry it’s gonna get really long but I really want this to be a masterpost so people don’t have to search my blog for png gear advice #azoor layne #really hope the pictures came out right tumblr likes to be stupid

[pika-ace]

ok. ik you have a pirate au already, but hear me out. so robin de jesús is set to a voice a character in this nick jr show santiago of the seas. from the one ep and compilations i watched, it’s about santi the pirate and his crew rescuing treasure from villains. there’s magic too. the definite casting i have is sonny as santi, usnavi as the anxious cousin tomas, and nina as the mermaid lorelai. they also have this pet frog which we can easily swap for chip. there’s also an abuelo which abuela can obviously fill. ngl i wanna cast as vanessa as the main rival bonnie bones. she also has this bird sidekick who’s actually not so mean, i think that could be pete. as a human ofc. this is getting long so all the other barrio members could be thrown into the other characters in the show lmao

I watched a snippet of this show and oh my god it looks so ADORABLE!!!

But honestly, you had me sold at Pirate Captain Sonny and anxious cousin Usnavi.

Give me Sonny leading his crew to find treasures while poor Usnavi is just in the back thinking EVERYTHING that could POSSIBLY go wrong.

Give me Sonny probably having to rescue Usnavi from like 80% of EVERYTHING they run into but Usnavi still gets rare times to shine and keep his baby cousin safe

Give me Sonny and Vanessa butting heads in a healthy rivalry while Usnavi watches and pines from afar.

Give me Pete and Vanessa plotting to overtake Sonny and beat him to the treasure.

Give me Benny who's part of Sonny's crew falling head over heels for mermaid Nina but Mermaid Dad Kevin forbids it because sea and shore relationships cannot POSSIBLY end well

This AU has so much wholesome shenanigan potential and I love it.

#in the heights aus #santiago of the seas #mermaid au #pirate au #kinda a mix of both i suppose

[andromedomaii]

ok, so... fkbu ep 7, huh... well, shit certainly did escalate quickly lol. and now i feel so invested in this anime that i’m seriously compelled to write down my thoughts and theories. beware the spoilers below. let’s fucking go

so apparently, takei was the one who hid/destroyed/delivered the locker key evidence 19 years ago and he’s the one who got rid of imura now. i gotta say, that came as a total surprise to me, ngl. plus, it seems that daisuke somehow has some evidence to connect him with these two cases, something solid enough to go after the man, making him (and me as well) think that he’s dead smh

i think the initial reason for takei’s misdeeds in the case from 19 years ago was about takei wanting to rise up in the force

 the director was most likely taking orders from someone else as well, as indicated several times through the episode, and takei wanted to get the clout too. so he was probably the director’s puppet instead of being directly involved with someone higher

and when he followed the director’s order, he was promoted while both cho-san and kiyomizu were demoted, even though, as kiyomizu says, there was no reason for him to be demoted with cho-san

in his artificially induced vision, at the part about the locker key, we see that takei knows where the locker that the key would open is, but he is incredibly scared to open it or look inside. so my take on this is that takei was threatened to be killed if he looked inside, and he either never saw what was actually in the locker or he did look inside the locker despite the threat and is scared of being killed because of that, judging by the overwhelmed reaction he gives

i’m not too sure whether or not takei knows who directly ordered that locker to stay un-investigated but when cho-san asks him if he knows who the person that would kill him is, he is straight up terrified so maybe he figured that out too and wants to keep quiet about that

after that, when imura tells him that she knows it’s takei who killed her, he denies, probably because he was technically indirectly involved with her death but the interesting thing at that scene is who he calls

the person he calls, the former director, is dead today, so logically, he wouldn’t be calling him to report the death of imura. i’m not too sure about this part too but the reason is probably that the former director was the reason takei was involved in this whole mess in the first place, so maybe he still blames him? idk.

btw, the director’s cause of death is a car accident, much like the death of shigemaru, and that feels somewhat fishy to me, so he was probably “taken care of” after he served his purpose

i think takei is still working for someone even after the case from 19 years ago, since he was ordered to take imura down and at this point, i feel like he’s being blackmailed into further cooperation to keep his status and protect his family. but i have to admit, after this episode, despite the justifications he may have, he’s certainly not my fave lol

the next point is about the deaths of sayuri and shigemaru

so, i’ve seen a lot of people say that shigemaru was the one who murdered sayuri but i really don’t think that’s the case

i think sayuri and shigemaru was working on this new chemical thing together and it was probably something that would benefit the kambe family in a financial sense but was also something that was dangerous for... idk the public, the environment? yeah.

people think that sayuri moved into a random flat to escape shigemaru but i think shigemaru was trying to protect her by keeping her away from the kambe family

shigemaru himself would be fine even if he refused to share the knowledge about this chemical thing since he was the eldest son of the family but sayuri probably wasn’t as safe as he was, so he distanced her from the rest of the family

i think both of them were killed because someone else within the family wanted to be the next heir of the family or wanted to rival the entire family (that is, if someone from the kambe family is connected with the mizuo future technologies stuff as a challenger) and went for their heads, killing sayuri, making it look like shigemaru killed her and then committed suicide, because that car accident feels fishy as fuck too ngl

at first i thought that maybe shigemaru faked his death to close the case because he was the one who killed sayuri, but if he was to be the next heir of the family, why wouldn’t he act to claim his place for 19 years? 

that’s why i think he’s truly dead 

from the photos we see, i truly don’t think shigemaru would want to kill sayuri. in the photos, both of them looked doting over tiny daisuke too, and shigemaru doesn’t feel like an absent or bad father/husband to me. idk, maybe i’m wrong

kikuko was probably helping them escape or stay hidden, so that’s why she was reluctant to disclose information. or, as some people have theorized, she’s the evil master mind and is still close to daisuke and suzue because they have no idea about who she really is

but tbh, throughout this episode, there was too much emphasis on the kambe family as a whole instead of just shigemaru or sayuri or even daisuke. so i think someone inside the family wanted daisuke’s parents dead to achieve whatever personal goal they have

which brings me to the final point

i think that first lady with the obscured face from the op with the jewelry and the nail job is another kambe but not suzue

the second lady we see near the end of the op is suzue, despite wearing different clothes and jewelry from the way we have seen suzue throughout the episodes so far

but the two ladies are still distinctively different from each other

because if they were the same lady, we wouldn’t get the second lady from the same angle and half unseen face but with a more realistic (and familiar) color palette while the first one’s colors still keep changing and still feels mysterious

plus, daisuke is standing behind the first lady, looking at her from the corner of his eyes while there are security laser beams at the background, so it’s either someone he’s aware and is wary of or someone he will meet later on who will be dangerous to him

and that’s why i think the first lady is connected with the kambe(s) who killed sayuri and shigemaru 19 years ago. she looks young, so she could be someone’s daughter and daisuke’s cousin

but if the two ladies really are the same person and that person is suzue, i feel like some back-stabbing and betraying stuff will happen and i really don’t wanna see that -- i genuinely like suzue, she’s best girl uwu.

#fkbu #fugou keiji balance: unlimited #balance: unlimited #kambe daisuke #kambe suzue #fugou keiji #kambe family #kambe kikuko #kambe sayuri #kambe shigemaru #fkbu theory #shit's wild man #damn #i hope we'll get all the closure we need in 4 episodes #fkbu ep 7

[renjunfromthestars]

slow dancing in the dark

Pairing: Jeno + Reader bestfriend!Jeno

Genre: angst, best friend!au, College!au, Best Friends to Lovers! Au

Song recs: Slow Dancing in the Dark (Joji), Don’t Wanna Fall in Love (KYLE), Best Friend (Rex Orange County), EARFQUAKE (Tyler, The Creator), Apricot Princess (Rex Orange County). CAN’T GET OVER YOU (Joji), Me and Your Mama (Childish Gambino)

Word Count: 3.1k 

Summary: You and Jeno have always had a complicated relationship, but time is running out

Or

Jeno is in love with you, but can never express it the way he needs to

Notes: this one kinda hurt me to write ngl,,,I was real sad so I wrote it in one sitting

Please let me know what you guys think!!! I’m still pretty new to writing

---

Up until yesterday, it’s been months since you and Jeno have been in contact. Even though you go to the same school, you can’t help but think that he is avoiding you. If you’re going to be completely honest with yourself, he definitely is. Classic.

When you feel the slight pang of hurt ripple through your chest, you shake your head, trying to snap out of it. You rather not think about him right now. The 15 spotify playlists you embarrassingly curated denoting the emotional anguish of your most recent Jeno-filled-altercation was enough proof you’ve already spent too much time dwelling on this boy, who by the way, you’ve never even dated.

You have other things to worry about. College decisions are coming out soon, and it's absolutely imperative that you keep your grades in good standing. No school wants to accept a student just to find out that they’re a slacker. Better to be more upfront about you really are to the end, rather than to disappoint others later on. 

Jeno’s idea of school is hitting his dab pen in the bathroom, and sitting through every class high. And apparently, his idea of romance is not doing anything about your ambiguous relationship, and telling you to break up with Jaemin after only a week into dating. It was unholy unfair to Jaemin, and it's not like he's had almost three years to tell you how he feels, only to always come whining to you when you’re with someone else. It was a little different last time though. This is your last year of high school, and you both know it. It’s unlikely you’ll ever have as much time to be with (or to avoid) him at such close proximity--you’re almost definitely going to college out of state. Jeno has told you many times your ass is smart enough to pull it off. 

But that was months ago, things have since died down and there is no use dwelling on the past. You’ve cried enough tears, and you’re tired of waking up with puffy eyes that look like you have been stung by an angry bee hive because of it. According to Renjun, Jeno had stopped sulking in his library during his free period and started playing computer games with him again. See? It’s a thing of the past.

But that didn't stop you from occasionally calling him late at night in your many moments of weakness. I mean, it doesn’t really matter if you’re always met with a dial tone right? If he doesn’t pick up, it’s like you never called in the first place. The end always justifies the means. 

You don’t know why it took you so long to figure out that if you really missed him that  much, you should have probably just shot him a text instead of randomly calling him in the middle of the night. Jeno, like with school, is never prepared for anything. Even if he picked up, he’d probably just stay silent. It happened that one time he actually did pick up, both of you silent, not knowing to say in the moment (silence could also hardly be considered a phone call). 

Looking down at your most recent conversation, you sigh. Even before things became so messed up, you valued his companionship. Things are obviously still tense between you two--you don’t know why you even try.  Jaemin wouldn’t be too happy about it either. 

                                                                              ...

“It just makes me feel like shit when I hear people telling me like, ‘Oh you stole Jeno’s girl.’. You’re my girlfriend, not his.” Jaemin scoffs. His grip on the steering wheel tightens, along with his hold on your hand. 

In an attempt to soothe your angry boyfriend, you rub your thumb over your interlaced fingers soothingly. “I know, I know. I can’t help it if we have history Jaemin, people like to talk.”

“I had a talk with Renjun the other day about you and Jeno, and all the shit he was saying. I thought he was my friend.”

Although he was good friends with both boys, Renjun was admittedly closer to Jeno than Jaemin and there was more to his actions than it seemed just though looking at the surface. He was your closest mutual friend to Jeno, and knew more than anyone about the complicated relationship between you two--maybe a little too well. He respected the decision you made, but it was clear that he thought things should have ended differently.

                                                                          …

When you first see Jeno outside of the glimpses you see in the school hallway, he looks different. His hair is styled differently, with the wispy blonde hair of his hair framing his forehead quite nicely. 

Jeno’s eyes quickly flutter to the ground when you look at him, finding a sudden interest in the rocks on the ground. For a boy who treats his shoes like they’re his babies, he’s awfully unconcerned with the scuff marks that begin to appear on his Air Force Logos when he digs a rock into the ground.

“Where do you want to eat?” you ask, walking around him to open the passenger seat of his car.

Jeno looks like he regrets ever even agreeing to meet you for lunch in the first place, with his eyebrows furrowing and as indicated with the speed in which he gets in his new BMW.

“Chick-Fil-A.” He mumbles, pressing the start button on his car.

“Unbelievable. You want to go to Chick-Fil-A? ” you scoff. “We always go to Chick-Fil-A. Don’t you ever get tired of chicken?” 

Granted, it’s been months since you’ve been there together, but you at least expected some variety. There’s been a lot of buzz about the Popeyes chicken sandwiches these days. 

“No, but I get tired of you whining about my food choice when you asked for my opinion in the first place.”

And just like that, like old times, you both bicker on the car ride to Chick-Fil, this time about chicken sandwiches.

When you finally get to Chick-Fil-A, you manage to order your food without any major altercations, save a blazing glare you shoot Jeno when he says “Ranch is disgusting” when you ask for it to go with your nuggets.

As you sit down and dig into your food, you attempt to make small talk about your post high school plans. 

“University of Buffalo?” you say with a mouthful of fries. “I thought you wanted to stay in state.”

“Yeah I do. But I thought it would be smart to keep some options open” 

“Lee Jeno, keeping his options open? Being prepared?” you tease.

His cheeks flush in embarrassment, and you can’t help but admire how pretty he looks, with sunlight shining on his frame. His lashes are long, and with the way the light is hitting his face, his brown eyes are like pools of  dark honey.

Suddenly becoming hypersensitive to the boy in front of you, and you quickly change the subject. 

“How’s your cousin Jinyoung? I haven’t seen him since I last visited your aunt’s restaurant. He was nice enough to me some free dishes off the menu. I told him he needs any help with his college applications he can ask me.”

Jeno stays quiet, picking at his food as you blab about his cousin. Although you’ve only met him once when he came to visit from New York City, he was a sweet boy and you guys kept in contact. Dismissing it as part of Jeno’s natural propensity towards being quiet, you chatter on for a little while longer until you ask him, “why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Jinyoung died four months ago.” He says in a low voice, lowering his gaze to his lap.

Although there were a handful of others eating their lunch in the restaurant, you can barely process the background chatter as a small noise begins to ring in your ears. “What happened?”

“He was diagnosed with cancer, but he didn’t really tell anyone, ” he said in between sips of his drink . “he was in remission for a while but it came back really bad.”

“He has a younger sister right? It must be hitting her really hard.”

Jeno stays quiet as you fall silent, fidgeting with your fingers on the wooden table. Both of you don’t have much to say as your eyes begin to water in the middle of a Chick-Fil-A. 

Jeno places his hand over yours in comfort as he looks out the window. Life is short, and you can’t help but think how much time you have with him. 

                                                                   ...

Weeks pass, and although Jaemin isn’t exactly overjoyed about the fact that you’ve been seeing Jeno regularly again, he accepts it as what he understands it is--two friends reconciling and just hanging out, which you are eternally grateful for. The issue is that being friends with Jeno is never being just friends. You two have too much history for that. Everyday, the bottled feelings left unresolved over the years are at risk of exploding at any moment--it’s only a matter of time. 

You know you’ve got it bad when you find yourself checking your phone for his messages, or smiling at the thought of him. It’s everything--from the way he picks you up in minutes after an argument with your mom, to the way he drapes his heavy lined jean jacket over you during a particularly cold night.  No matter how hard you tried to suppress it, or how much you thought it would work, it was already over from the start. Even earlier when you two acted like strangers and the days you never even thought onnce about him, he was still in your dreams at night. But this time, Jeno is very much real, and alive in the flesh in front of you. And you don’t know if you want to admit to yourself that these feelings for Jeno are also very much real.

You finally decide to tell him when college decisions come out, after you get into your dream University. Graduation was nearing and it meant new beginnings. No matter how deeply rooted Jeno was in your heart, you needed to let go of the things that were holding you back. At least, it's what you’re telling yourself.

“Jeno...” your voice falters, “I can’t keep doing this with you..”

There’s an unspoken understanding between you two as Jeno runs his fingers through your hair to soothe you, and tells you not to cry while you cry. It’s the middle of the night when you tell him you love him. You should be home. You should be with Jaemin.

On the car ride home, Jeno stays silent.

                                                              …

Jeno calls you when you get home to check on you. When you start to cry again he stays silent for a moment.“Don’t be sad’ he murmurs. We have a lifetime to figure things out.” 

You only cry harder at his words. 

When your sniffles begin to subside, and you’re sound asleep in no time (not a surprise to Jeno, considering all the emotional turmoil you’ve faced tonight) Jeno sighs. He can’t help but feel selfish. Every time you tell him you want nothing more for him to be happy, Jeno’s moral compass can’t help but tear a little at the seams. You seem unaware that to him, happiness is being with you. But Jeno can’t have you. He knows that. They say that if you really love something, you need to let it go. But this is something he isn’t ready to let go of just yet. 

A few weeks ago when you two went out to eat, he notices that he always lets you choose the song on the way there, and what you want from the menu. 

“You know all the things we’re ordering are yours right?”

 You begin to apologize, but you’re soon distracted by the special drink menu the waiter drops on the table.

When your eyes light up at the silly lightbulb boba drink you plan to take home to  your sister, Jeno just sighs and pays for the meal. 

On the car ride home, your shared favorite songs play, and he doesn’t say a word to you. Jeno isn’t the best driver, and you vocalize that by nearly blowing his ear off when he brakes a little too fast at the red stop light. When you grab his hand for support, he lingers a little longer before he lets go. Like usual, he panders around your neighborhood when your house draws close, purposely taking the long way home. Jeno thinks about it some more when he waits for you to walk through the door of your house before driving off.  

Jeno always tells you he loves you when it’s too late. When you get your first boyfriend, he gets a girlfriend and tries to forget about you. It’s painfully obvious how he feels when he not so jokingly tells you to dump that “skinny bean pole” for him. He hates himself for taking you for granted when you broke up with said boyfriend around the time his girlfriend dumps him, telling him “I know you just aren’t happy”. For telling Renjun “Don’t worry about it, I know she loves me.” when he tried to warn him about Jaemin’s budding romance with you, even pleaded for him to make his move. It seems that everyone knows what to do with his feelings better than himself, and all he knows how to do is reap the consequences. 

He usually doesn’t have much to say. But tonight, over the phone, he tells you that he loves you. He tells you that he sees you in his future, and to him, you’re like no other. Jeno tells you that he knows you never meant to hurt him, but he’s been hurting for a while, and he can’t stand to see you with someone else.

But you’re asleep, and you can’t hear him. For the longest time, Jeno has wanted so badly to show you his whole heart. This situation you two are in  isn’t what he wants and he knows you feel the same. He wants to stop being on his Mac Demarco shit, to man up and tell you clearly how he really feels, and maybe, have you be his girlfriend, you know-- instead of messing with some other guy’s girl. 

Even through all of this, Jeno has learned a little secret about love. To love you was never about having you. 

                                                                ...

Twirling in your red dress, your arm wraps around Jaemin’s neck. It’s prom, and graduation is right around the corner.  Smiling, you think to yourself that you have finally succeeded, the end is near. Laughing, gazing, looking up at a face smiling back. But for a split second, you don’t see Jaemin’s face in front of you. You see Jeno. 

The memory of the first day, when his laugh over the phone meant something more to you. His voice brings about some of the happiest times you’ve ever known. Memories of the small moments--late nights--a soft smile--a teasing voice--the warm heat on your face in the midst of a teasing comment, and a boy with a subtle charm to find the way through.

Spontaneous trips and laughter, the occasional periods of silence when the both of you were fed up--people who understood you two, but only enough to get in the way.

The light nod of your head when it first found its way to your shoulder, and the dull feeling of yearning it left when it was gone.

You’re at a children’s playground, and you whine about wanting to fly a kite even though you’re nearly 18. Jeno teases you for being a kid, and for even trying when there was hardly any wind out. When you suggest that he run from behind and try to fly the kite with you, you scold him for the third time that it would only work if he ran slower than you. Jeno laughs and you feel your heart tug a little.

You’re devastated, and when Jaemin asks you if something is wrong, all you do is rest your face in the crook of his neck. You don’t want him to see you crying. You hate yourself for doing this to him. You’re not really a religious person, but sometimes at night, staring into the darkness and slightly trembling, you ask God to make it stop. It hurts. You don’t know how it feels for Jeno. You knew every decision you would make wouldn’t be fair to anyone. What do you do? How will you know? Will you ever know?

You don’t want to admit that might have known all along. You know you’ve known all along. To you, there is no one like Jeno. There is no one like him you’ve ever met that has made you feel this way, and if you weren’t with him, then you would spend your entire life searching in vain. You want to be with him so badly, that when you think about it, your heart grows impossibly heavy. But at the same time, you feel free. The timing is never right. You’re with the wrong people. You’re doing it all wrong. He’s doing it all wrong. We’re doing it all wrong. 

You can’t stop thinking about him in the most difficult way. When you suppress him consciously, he shows up in your dreams, smiling, glowing. Ruffled hair, eye smile and all. You can’t help but think about him every night, and when you see something that reminds you of him. Jeno reminds you of everything sad, everything hard, and at the same time, everything easy. He makes your heart feel so heavy, but also at peace. When he told you that you two had a lifetime to figure it out, you want to believe that if it was meant to be, it would happen. But that’s the hardest part. You don’t know what will happen.

Right now, you know one thing, and you know that you love him. You love him so much it brings you to tears. It makes your hands tremble, your body tremble, your heart tremble. You have such a love for Jeno that even if it wasn’t meant to be you wouldn’t care. You want Jeno to be happy. You want him to be healthy, not do stupid shit, and you want him so badly to love you too, and it would be okay if that didn’t happen. You’ve been delaying it-- you always say to yourself and everyone else you need time. You’ll sit on it, think about it, leave it for later. But it’s been months, and years, and you’re right back at the starting point.

Everytime you tried to convince yourself you weren’t in love, it felt like a dark shadow would cast over you. Because every time you tried to convince yourself you weren’t in love, you realized every bit of you knew you were.

Jeno is your best friend, part of your happiness, and he is your first real love. It’s something you can say with a certainty you’ve never had before.

                                           …

Jeno can feel his heart tear into shreds when he sees you and Jaemin so close. You look beautiful. So beautiful. You’re going away to your dream college and he’ll be many, many miles away from you. Jeno’s cheeks prickle with warmth as his eyes begin to dappen. His heart sinks, just to bobble back up with an expected disbelief. He thought he knew what was coming. 

“There are other things to do without me.” he had told you in the car that night, but the truth is, Jeno doesn’t want to do anything without you. He’s loved you since he met you, and he’s not quite sure that will ever change.

It always hurts. but that's because love isn't perfect, Jeno thinks. He may move on days from now, maybe weeks from now, and could realize he never really loved you.

If he truly loves you, it's never going to be okay, but it will get better. It will get easier. He will be able to go on. 

You might creep into his mind years from now when he finally thought he was over you.

And that's okay, that's what love is.

 It's when his memories come back to him 5 years later, when he wonders how you're doing, maybe if you think about him a little too. But it won't hurt nearly as much and he will realize all that heartbreak did something to heal him.

It's always hard, he thinks, as he walks out of the Prom venue. But he promises himself that it will always get easier.

#idk if i like this #not proofread #lee jeno #jeno #nct jeno #nct lee jeno #jeno x reader #lee jeno x reader #lee jeno angst #jeno angst #nct angst #nct 127 scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct dream x reader #bestfriend!jeno #nct 127 #nct dream #jeno imagines #lee jeno imagines #jeno scenarios #lee jeno scenarios #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 angst #nct dream angst #nct x reader #nct 127 x reader #renjun #jaemin

[pinkchanelbag-moved]

pride

mob!bucky barnes x reader

you were the ultimate prize, the one no one could get. except bucky. but now that he finally has you, it feels like you’re sleeping next to a stranger each night. 

words: ~3.9k 

warnings: very very quick mention of smut, just sad vibes in general

a/n: i really like dis one ngl lol but i still need to edit :* . been jamming to this song for day but i had to slow it and stuff for copyright, but its still a viiibeee so enjoyyy 

---

the whole way home, he’s calling you, and the entire time, you’re not picking up. after the fourth or fifth time, when he begins to get fed up, the calls start going straight to voicemail. you’ve shut your phone off.

he sighs and rolls his head back on the velvet covered car seat, rubbing at his neck. he’s tired. his father’s banquet was boring, per usual, and not even on par with the standards of ones he’s seen before. and he fought with you just minutes before the two of you were supposed to leave, forcing him to show up alone. that caught some attention, and if there is anything bucky doesn’t like, it’s attention...

he sat with his friends and his cousins and his friend’s cousins, checking out the new meat arriving into the extravagant garden party in his great aunt’s backyard. there were upwards of fifteen cars parked starting from the driveway until down the street as people poured in, one after the other, some familiar, some old, some young, some with long debt sheets and others large body counts, and bucky and his pals cracked up at scrutinizing the guests. a plump waitress came by and refilled his cup of wine, and he turned to thank her. his best friend and the son of his father’s business partner nudged him on the arm.

“that’s the broad i was talkin’ about from before,” steve said, nodding his head at the backdoor of the house where a new group of girls trickled in. girls in pastel heels and sundresses with sensible handbags. but bucky’s eyes only fell on one girl.

“damn,” he said, leaning back in his chair and noticing that his breath pulled at his lungs a tad harder. “yeah, she really is--”

“you’re lookin’ at the wrong girl, moron,” sam said from bucky’s left. steve pointed not-so-discreetly to the girl right next to the girl bucky had been looking at.

“the brunette,” steve said. “name’s margaret. i know she’s been looking at me, i can tell.”

“who’s that next to her?” bucky asked, his eyes still tracing every part of you. eyes, mouth, hands, hair, legs. his gaze touched each part of you, mesmerized.

“oh...that’s y/n.” steve turned to look at his friend and smiled, sharing a look with sam and shaking his head, the two men laughing. bucky turned to look between them both.

“what?” he asked.

“man, are you that oblivious or just that dumb?” sam shoved his shoulder. “remember that girl reid’s been tryna get with for, what is it--” he looked at steve to confirm, “four months? that’s her. girl’s closed up like an oyster.”

“she’s stuck up?” bucky asked.

“nah, nothing like that,” steve said. “just not interested.”

“maybe she just doesn’t like mafia boys?” sam suggested in her defence.

bucky looked at you as you greeted the hosts, your mouth dancing into a dazzling smile.

“i want her,” he said. steve chuckled.

“figured,” he said.

before he left for the banquet, the two of you were laid up in his king size together as you traced his scratchy jawline.

“i wanna stay here forever,” you said. bucky didn’t reply, just closed his eyes and ran a hand up and down your back slowly. you laid half on top of him, chest to chest, looking up at him with wonder in your eyes. it was something he’d never voice out loud, but every time you stared at him with that kind of love in your eyes, a smug part of him remembered when you’d roll those eyes and walk away as he tried to ask you to a date or the way you’d deadpan when he expressed how much he liked you. it was a long chase. one he’d never put himself through before, and now, he had you. “hey buck...” you began. he opened his eyes and glanced them down at you in acknowledgment.

“do you ever get tired of having to come all the way across town to pick me up?”

“not really,” bucky adjusted his position to put his arm behind his head. “it’s not like i have to drive myself.”

“but, well...i mean, it gets a little irritating to have to pack just a couple of things to come stay at your place for a few days. like, i don’t have all my makeup and clothes and things.”

bucky checked the time on his watch to see how soon the banquet was.

“you still always look good,” he offered.

“you’re missing the point by miles, buck,” you breathed a laugh that he felt from your chest to his. “do you ever think about...about if i lived here? permanently?”  bucky’s eyes trailed up to the ceiling.

“what’s wrong with your apartment?” he asked.

“nothing, buck,” you tilted your head to look up at him, trying to gauge his reaction. “just that we’ve been together for seven months. i thought it would be a good step forward. but if you don’t want to, then it’s fine.” you used the hand you hand on his chest to gently push yourself off of him. the hand he had on your waist fell to the bed as you walked off toward your mini suitcase, shuffling through a makeup bag. bucky knew you well enough to know you were just staying distracted, indifferent rather than actually looking for makeup.

“well, i mean, sure, we can step forward and all that, but i don’t see how moving in does that. you’re here most of the time anyway.”

“if i’m here most of the time, it makes sense for me to live here. and i don’t like spending most of my time in a place that doesn’t really feel like my own,” you were mumbling now, looking through the pack of clothes you had brought.

“but it’s not like i feel like your apartment is mine. i’m not taking anything from you, and isn’t it good for us both to have places that can be just for us? why share a place?”

“because that’s what couples do, bucky. just forget i said anything.”

bucky sat up in the bed.

“what, you’re mad now?” he asked, hands resting on the headboard.

“i’m not mad,” you said, not even looking up at him.

“obviously, you are. you’re not looking at me.”

“i’m not mad, buck, because i’m not surprised. i don’t know when it became a part of my routine to have you act like i’m your on-call girlfriend that you don’t actually want to be serious about, but i’m used to it, so how can i be mad?”

“that’s a-level bullshit and you know it,” he replied, the anger already rising in his voice. “you think because i like having my own space that i don’t take you seriously?”

“no, that’s not it. if it was just that, you know i’d never ask you for anything. but bucky...we have not had a change in months. i feel like we’re in the same place we were in a month in dating.”

“isn’t that supposed to be a good thing? the beginning is always the best part before the passion dies and stuff.”

finally, you turned to look at him, something confused and yes, a little hurt, in your eyes.

“i don’t think that. relationships are’t supposed to stay the same, buck, they’re not static. and they’re definitely not supposed to get worse. do you think we’ve lost...what, passion?” you asked.

“no, i don’t,” bucky shrugged, being truthful, but still trying to be nonchalant. “but i don’t think moving in is gonna help us feel a spark or some shit. it’s gonna be, like, a new responsibility that might cause issues.”

“so you’re saying you don’t want to move forward because you don’t wanna deal with the responsibilities?” you asked with raised eyebrows.

“yes,” bucky gestured a hand out. “it complicates things. i’m not trying to be all domestic right now, not at all, actually. we should keep it simple.” he rested his back on the headboard again, thinking you had finally gotten it. instead the last of expression drained from your face and your eyes looked at the carpet. bucky checked his watch again before pushing himself off the bed and stepping in the direction of the walk in closet to find something appropriate to wear.

“you got clothes for tonight, or do you want jordan to drive you home to get ready?” he asked, stretching his back.

“i’m not going,” you murmured, eyes staring dully at your suitcase.

now, as he pulls up to the apartment complex, fixing his cufflinks and running a hand through his hair, he prepares to finish the fight that he suspects he shouldn’t have left prematurely. but there’s no time to ponder over it anymore. he wonders what he has in store, and he wishes desperately you hadn’t brought up moving in. things with you are always good. bucky does love you, and he’s sure you know. it’s just that you’re so restless, always wanting more, and he can’t understand what you think is so wrong about how things are now.

“thanks, jordan,” he tells the driver before leaving the car.

“have a good night mr. barnes,” he replies. bucky makes his way into the lobby and then into the elevator with his hands in pockets. he uses his key card and passcode, then punches in the floor number to his penthouse. the elevator whirs for a a minute until it arrives to his home, opening up to his living room, and there you are. sitting on an arm chair, hands clasped together, lips touching knuckles, your elbows propped on your knees as you stare at the floor, your suitcase beside you.

“y/n...?”

your breathy moans made something devious swell in his chest as he pushed himself further into you. “bucky,” you breathed, gripping the bedsheets. his long, slow, and impossibly deep strokes pushed you nearly to tears, and he knew this. moments like these, or similarly as he sat back on the headboard and watched you bob up and down slowly, head thrown back to watch the ceiling and small hands holding onto his shoulders, his own hand coming to wrap around your prettily exposed throat, that he felt, i have her. the ego boost of a lifetime, if he was being honest. that he had you like this when no one else could, that he was the one that got to watch your breaths streaming in and out as you slept next to him with your hair in your face and your cool and reserved exterior melted away, or that he was the one that watched your figure clad in nothing but a thin sheet as you picked up the room service and sat out on the balcony, legs draped into a comfortable cross as you fed yourself fruit. he stood behind you with an arm wrapped around your waist at the gatherings and dinners, he was with you when no one else believed he could get you. not even you.

“they missed you at the banquet,” bucky begins. you don’t move a muscle. usually, you’re the more vocal one. “i missed you.” 

“stop,” you finally say in a quiet voice. bucky pulls his hands out of his pockets, but now not knowing what to do with them, runs them through his hair.

“stop what?” he asks.

“stop trying to be nice.” he furrows his eyebrows.

“you don’t want me to be nice to you?”

“i don’t want you to be be nice to me when you feel like have to because i’m upset about something. i shouldn’t have to be mad or sad for you to act nice,” you say. your voice is somehow both determined and dejected, something bucky’s not used to.

“come on, doll. you’re making it out like i abuse you or something,” he says. “that’s just how i am. everyone knows that. i mean, if i don’t act nice, it’s not because i’m trying not to be. especially with you. you oughta know that.” he takes a few small steps towards you.

“i don’t.” for the first time, you look up at him. your eyes are bloodshot and your face has taken on a reddish hue, surely from crying. bucky is taken aback. recalling what happened before he left, he didn’t think it would get you this worked up.

“you aren’t going?” he asked at the time. “why?” he folded his arms and stared at you through the wall mirror, but you continued to look at your suitcase.

“i’m not up for it.”

“y/n, i promise we’ll talk more about this when we get back, whenever you want, but let’s just put it away for now and go to this thing.”

“and the next time we talk about this...” you asked him, “will you have anything new to say?” your heart pounded in anticipation of his answer, and you knew his obliviousness would lead him to the wrong one.

you snuck a look at him through the mirror as he shrugged and looked to the side, his face blank, per usual.

“well, you know how i feel.”

you nodded slowly, letting out the breath you’d been holding. that does it, then.

“just go without me, bucky.”

and he did.

“what?” bucky laughed. “four kids? why four?”

you giggled and sipped at your smoothie for a long moment before coming up with an answer.

“i just like kids,” you smiled brightly, and it made bucky smile too, because he so often saw you happy in a way that wasn’t controlled, like you were with your families’ associates and the like. it was nice to see you happy with your guard really down. he realized you were vulnerable around him enough for that. the thought made his smile spread. “and i wanna be the kind of mother that...always has stuff going on at the house, you know? i figure that’s easier with more kids. it’ll be stress, but nothing i can’t handle,” you shrugged.

bucky nodded.

“i get that. my dad was like a superhero to me, but i still just never saw him or got to know him as much as i wanted, considering i adored him,” he looked down at his finished burger plate as he said this, ears turning a little pink. he glanced behind him dumbly, since the shop was already empty. it was closing time, but bucky knew the busboy, and the two of you were permitted to stay late.

you bent your head close to the table to try and meet bucky’s eyes. there was an adorable pout on your lips.

“so you wanna be a good dad? take ‘em to sports games, that kinda thing?” you asked in a baby voice, but bucky didn’t feel a hint of mockery in your voice, so he laughed and shrugged.

“yeah, i guess. it’s a nice idea, at least. i don’t know if i could ever really get there.”

you watched him for a moment as he finished off his milkshake before reaching over and placing your hand on top of his.

“i think you can get there,” you said. bucky looked at your hands, then up into your eyes, smiling and biting his lip. it was a nice thought. he wasn’t sure he was the right guy for it, but it was a nice thought in general.

“y/n, do you actually think that i only think of you as...what, a booty call? is that what you think?” bucky asks, and of course there’s that hint of incredulousness in his voice. “we’ve been together for months. we take trips. we meet people together. we...we’re us. what’s wrong with us that you hate so much?”

“that it’s not us, bucky! how can you say that? we can’t be some united front if we’re not even a team at home. i feel like i don’t know you.” you’re standing now, one hand on the handle of your suitcase. “i feel like i don’t know the truth, between the things, the lies that you told me to get me to want you and the person i see now. that’s just the issue. we’ve been together eight months and i feel like i’m sleeping next to a stranger.”

“what’s the issue, doll?” bucky asked, licking his lips in the pleasure of the banter.

“i’m not pursuing anyone at the moment,” you said as politely as possible with a testy eyebrow raised.

“well, that just makes my job easier, don’t it?” he grinned at you. you chuckled and turned back around to serve yourself some of the delicacies. bucky shot a glance to steve and sam, who were snickered a laughed. sam shot him a sarcastic thumbs up. bucky sucked his teeth and turned back around, gently grabbing your elbow.

“okay, okay, for real. can we just--” bucky pointed at the gap in the backyard fence that led to an alleyway between the big houses. you looked between him and the alley, pursed your lips, and put your plate down to follow him.

he tried a new approach. rather than flat-out asking you on a date, he did a thing girls went crazy over: just asked you a little about yourself, feigned interest (it’s not that he was faking exactly; he listened intently, but he really just wanted a date), and he told you a little about himself, his family. being this close to you for so long with no others around, he could admire how pretty you were. he didn’t care about reid or what other goon had tried for you. he knew he could do it.

when you reached the end of the alley, and you expected to go back, bucky leaned against a chainlink fence and continued the conversation, so you leaned on it next to him, not minding the company. the sun was setting behind a tall house so that the blinding orange rays didn’t light up the spot where the two of you stood, but the soft flare of tangerine enveloped you still. bucky watched your lips as you talked about your father’s work. you looked heavenly. he asked again to take you out before he had really comprehended his sentence. he caught himself and tried to play it off, because hardly anyone could make him slip up and talk before thinking.

“it’s just a burger. what, you don’t like burgers?” he smiled, all teeth, and was sure he was melting some of your tough exterior.

“you had to beg me,” you whisper, but somehow, it’s haunting enough to sound like a shout. “you had to have me, even when i didn’t want you. and when you finally managed to get me to come around...when you made me fall for you, you let yourself lose me.”

“no,” he began, shaking his head, trying to resolve it, resolve this.

“yes,” you continued as he attempted an interjection. “yes, buck, because that’s what’s happening. you’re losing me, bucky, do you understand that?”

“why is your bag packed?” he asks with exhaustion and something else, something cold and detached, etched into his face.

“i’m staying with my brother on the east side.”

“the east side?” bucky repeats incredulously. “no.”

“what are you gonna do, buck? are you gonna call up gino and frankie and make them hold me in the apartment? are you gonna stop me?” your eyes are wide and so, so angry that it manages to put a dent in bucky’s withdrawn attitude. the way they bore into him makes him unable to look directly at you for a moment. “just tell me now, if you plan on forcing me to stay, so i can see what kind of man you are. so i can really see the end of it. is there more, buck?”

“i won’t make you stay if you don’t want to, but...” he begins.

“then move,” you say with such enunciation in each word that it sends shivers down bucky’s spine. “let me by.”

“it’s not gonna happen, james barnes,” you told him. you turned to walk back down the alley and back to the party. the sun had set and the sky was a gentle pink and blue that somehow accented your shrinking figure.

“it’s bucky!” he yelled back at you. he heard your chuckle despite the distance, and he knew he had to have you.

“yn, come on. i...” he pauses to consider that the next words to come off his tongue feel a little foreign, “i’m sorry.”

you turn back to look at him again. “you’re always sorry. even when you don’t know you are because your goddamn ego is in the way. i know you, bucky. you’re always sorry. you just only feel it enough when you’ve pushed me to my breaking point, and i can’t sit around and wait for you to wither me away into nothing before you can learn to treat me how i deserve. because you know i deserve better, but you wanted me to be with you anyway. you had to have me.”

you turned back at the opening in the fence to analyze him one more time.

“when am i gonna see you again?” he called out. from the distance, he saw you tip your head up to the dark pastel sky to contemplate.

“mmm...” you looked back at him, a soft expression on your face, “your dreams, maybe?”

“i’m not gonna let you mess my head up anymore. i need to look after myself,” you say in a quiet voice. “i’m tired of your pride coming between me and you. it’s too hard.” you side-stepp bucky, and he lets you. each word hits him in the lungs until he doesn’t have quite enough breath to reply. to rebuttal. to tell you you’re wrong, things aren’t this way. but he can’t do that because he’d be lying. he can’t even dare to think about objecting to what you’re saying, or he worries he might him an all-time low.

you step to elevator, your suitcase in hand, and call for the elevator.

“do you have a ride?” bucky asks, looking at the marble floor. he then decides against it, decides to watch you since he doesn’t know when he’ll see you again. and the next time he sees you, you’ll no longer be his.

“uber,” you say, staring at the wall of the head like you’re trying to burn a hole in it. you turn the same gaze to him, and sticks his nails into his palm. “i wanted this to work because i love you. but i can’t change you, bucky, as much as i want to.”

bucky brought a fist to his chest.

“you’re killing me, doll,” he called to you. he heard your enchanted giggle.

“goodbye...bucky,” you said. his name sounds like a church choir on your lips. he wanted to hear it a million more times.

the elevator arrives, and you turn away again. take a deep breath, because you can’t believe you’re doing this, but also not believing it took you so long. “goodbye, bucky,” you say with resignation. you stepp in, and only half turn around, briefly making eye contact with the man you love.

you looked at him one more time before stepping through the gap in the fence.

the elevator comes to a silent close, breaking the link of eye contact between you and bucky, whose eyes are glossed over.

and just like that,

you were gone.

#nad.txt #bucky #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #mob!bucky #mob!bucky barnes #mob!bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes headcanon #bucky barnes hc #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes x you #the winter soldier #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier fanfiction #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #captain america #steve rogers #chris evans #the falcon #sam wilson #anthony mackie #marvel #mcu #marvel fanfiction #mob!au

[wlwdarlingcharming]

Note to self, make a copy so if woe decides to yeet your anon, you got it saved again. Just please don’t leave me for days ;-; it’s not word for word but I hope it’s sufficient, I’m taking some rewriting liberties, putting warning tags here just in case and to make it easier!: Mention of ED, mention of drugs, needles and overdose.

Dexterous Charming, unnoteworthy middle child of the Blueblood Charming family of Ever After, never seemed to get into much trouble. With his parents seemingly more out of the picture, having children out of necessity and social duty more than being family people, and even when they were around they caused more issue than worth. Daring and his appearance was their mother’s priority, and Darling’s feminine social appearance and note of her in Wonderland (only a rumor) was their father’s priority since it was clear she didn’t listen to her mother. Even with their parents toxic ways, he was still ignored, and often mistaken as a cousin of sorts. So what did it matter what he do? His parents and siblings didn’t care, so when he heard about a young Sparrow’s trouble affording tickets at a concert, he offered to pay if that meant he could catch a ride, which fitted in Sparrow’s narrative since he was too loud to pick off of somebody just yet (he could but, he’s 13, that bitch loud) and glad that SOMEBODY agreed with his music taste. Sparrow and the 3 other boys made their way in, where they got a bunch of stuff, thanks to Dexter ofc. Surely enough, somebody caught eye of the young Blueblood, and, thanks to their detest of our dear Dashing, decided to cause the worst trouble, and started chatting with the young and impressionable prince, and managed to talk him into pills of “candy” (insert pun here) with the promise of feeling alive and happy, which I mean, sounds pretty good ngl. So he agreed, and when the kids gathered back to Robin Hood and was dropped off, Dexter decided to say fuck it, what do I got to lose. That’s what started it, making his way through the pill bottle in under a month period. Escaping in the night with and without The Robbers, (sparrow and gang), finding ways and social talk on finding exactly what he wanted. New pills, new pills, pills. Soon enough, that was not enough. No buzz, no good mood. He was scared of trying anything new but, what else did he have? He didn’t want to be empty again. That was a fate worse than hell. Different pills? Not enough, of course not. What’s next? Powder, now this worked. He didn’t even bat a eye at the needles when they finally came like he thought he would. Wow he really was far, wasn’t he? Wake up with pills, and lunch would be hiding in the bathroom, powder and needles in pockets. How nobody caught before, he didn’t know, but it worked for him. Sparrow came sometimes, not a lot, he didnt really seem to get into it, but he had fulfillment elsewhere. Lucky bastard. When Briar eventually invited Dexter to a party when he told her he had ways of getting what she couldn’t get, she took it, like how Sparrow did with his money. He decided fuck it, these people don’t know who I am, it’s free stuff anyway. So he went, and brought all his favorites, and a new try out, Fairy Dust. Pretty and pink, how cute. Lines were sorted, and soon enough, they were gone. Snorted. Oh my Grimm what a high, so ecstatic, he felt like he could run track, this. This was so worth the price. He doesn’t remember much of that night. He disappeared for the weekend following that Friday, he thinks with Sparrow? No no, eh fuck it who cares. He felt sick, and warm, and nauseous and light but didn’t know why. Low fuel? Probably yeah, next period, disappear for pick me up, definitely yes. Sat next to Hunter, Daring and Darling a like, 2 rows behind, waiting for him to show up, which he showed up a bit late for, but he couldn’t tell with as bad as he felt. Really really sick, but in a light feeling kind of way, and as soon as he sat down he just, sat, knees to his chest, resting his head on his knees. Maybe he’d feel better soon, he’s a tough boy right? He closed his eyes to rest, such a weird sick feeling. When the project began, Hunter waited for Dexter to respond on his own, not wanting to bother him. But a few minutes passed and he couldn’t fight the feeling something was wrong, and tapped his shoulder. No response. Shook his shoulder lightly, no response. HOLD ON ILL SEND PART 2 I PROMISE IT WONTBELONG

EUPHORIA ANON THIS IS SO GOOD

sparrow knows he only keeps dexter around because he’s really easy to get money out of. “you don’t wanna break your best friend’s heart, do you? it’s only a couple hundred. you’ve had more money spent on your clothes.”

dexter knows that he’s being used by sparrow, but the high just feels so good and he doesn’t even care at this point. i mean, his own parents and siblings don’t care about him, why should he care what sparrow thinks?

dexter knows that daring is dealing with his own problems, and darling is god knows where doing whatever, so he starts to distance himself from them. daring doesn’t come to breakfast anymore like they used to, darling isn’t even home, so what’s the point in even coming home?

daring, even though he’s not as attentive to his siblings as he used to be, starts to notice that every time he sees dexter he’s very glassy eyed and looks practically dead. he finally manages to track down darling, and she doesn’t know anything.

darling doesn’t talk to dexter as much as she used to, and she feels really bad, but she can’t bring herself to ask him about anything.

a few days go by, and daring gets a text from briar asking if he’s going to her next rager. he says yes, and darling is back in town so she goes with him.

daring and darling go to the party, and see dexter snorting something. they ask him what it is but he’s too high to hear them. they start to get concerned.

next day in class, daring and darling are waiting for dexter and he shows up 10 minutes late. he looks like shit but dare and dar just think it’s him being hungover.

dexter feels like shit and starts to rest at his desk. hunter is starting to get concerned that he isn’t answering his question and starts to get really nervous. daring and darling start to notice that he’s not doing well, and rumplestilskin yelling at him isn’t helping.

#I DIDNT DELETE IT ON PURPOSE IM SORRY #this is literally *chefs kiss* #darling charming #daring charming #dexter charming #sparrow hood #hunter hunstman #euphoria! eah au #ever after high #emma enchants

[chemicalarospec]

Genuinely Don’t Say Anything Interesting Here But I Like Talking So Thus I’m Posting This

okay I did like nothing productive today but have a ramble on youtube fanbases, specifically the new gen of mcyt. This was two posts and then I made it one so sorry when I repeat myself. I did edit it tho lol. But that means I also inserted more, so this is just all over the place now. 

me from the future: oh god. all over the place. wait wtf this is so long. I don’t even have much to say I just like writing the same sentence three different ways and refusing to cut any of them. I’m sorry; I don’t know how to edit; this is informal AF. (can I use three semicolons? at least one of those is wrong anyways lol.)

edit: I’m so sorry I forgot about having a “read more” last night laksjdflksjad. Also idk if I even agree with myself lmao.

it’s so funny how mcyt is like The Thing now. It’s not cool to like it anymore lol, cuz everybody does. (This is a me thing. I like being special lol. I also self-define “cool” so you should not take it to heart when I say it’s not cool.)

I mean, just thinking about the Dream SMP as something I *do* want to get into, it doesn’t feel like “our thing” -- it’s has the feel of a HUGE fandom. Seriously, I’m in the phandom, which ngl has been dead since 2018, and the fanbase for the SMP has a much different, bigger feel. Idk what i’m getting at, it feels imposing? looking at the Dream SMP fandom seems similar in scope and slightly in atmosphere to pre-2019 phandom, at least to me, and it’s actually making me grateful that I joined now and not all that time ago.

Also I brought up the “our thing” bit because of the mcr post that goes “funny how MCR seems like our little secret and the biggest thing in the world at the same time” and I kinda thought that was just how all fandoms worked? idk I was going to assert that the truth is different but I thought some more and now I’m not sure.

but yeah I like the “our little secret” feel and somehow the phandom has (re)gained that while technoblade (and the new gen of mcyt as a whole) is loosing it.

I mean, I’ve been watching Technoblade since the bedwars winstreak. He had less than a millions subs but most people I brought him up to actually did know who he was. He was big but he wasn’t *famous* -- we all knew about him and we all cared. Like the only person who knew who he was and didn’t care had a little brother(s?) that loved him (wait why is this all in past tense this is all still true). (Yes AFC this has become a callout post for you mocking techno lol.) (If you’re still reading my miNeCRaFT yOuTuBeR fAnBaSe MEta. cringe culture is dead tho; I don’t have to say it like that.) 

Anyways, I didn’t follow Technoblade’s Dream SMP streams and now I feel like I’d just be tagging along if I did get into it. (also didn’t watch SMP Earth lol.) This is because I’m a gate-keeping jerk. Or hate missing out. One of those two things. 

(awkward transition where I don’t know how to make my tangent meaningful and have to make it back to the original train of thought I violently interrupted)

As a long time Techno fan, I’m really proud of the growth he’s experiencing, but a little sad too as the community is being -- well, I don’t want to say “infiltrated,” as I don’t want to shade anyone who was simply late to the party -- perhaps diluted? overwhelmed? yeah, overwhelmed by newer fans, and becoming “unmanageable” in a sense; it feels like we’ve lost a bit of our sense of community with the influx of new fans -- no shade to any new fans! This is just the way fandoms work. When the crowd is larger, it becomes harder recognize each member as a person, even if everything else is the same. (”The death of one man is a tragedy, the death of millions is a statistic.”) (look this is how my brain works deal with it)

I just really like this small community feel, and it’s a bit daunting looking at the smp fandom. 

Also the growth Dream experienced this year is genuinely ludicrous. I mean, the wide appeal of shipping is part of it, not going to beat around that bush, but there’s just so much and I wanna read an essay from a long-time fan who saw it on why he’s got so much growth. 

I really hate to shame fans and stuff, but part of it, at least for me, is that most of these new fans probably aren’t “minecrafters” like we were. I doubt the majority of them grew up on Stampy, DanTDM, and whatever the other ones I didn’t watch were. I mean, some of this is because Child. For them, the distinction is really pre-quarantine post-quarantine i guess? Really, whether they played Minecraft or not. Again, I know it’s bad to shame fans, but apparently I’m just a terrible person and I feel like it’s more shallow or disingenuous to get into MCYT when it’s popular without already being into Minecraft. 

WAIT that’s it -- Minecraft community, as a whole, is special. It’s a LARGE umbrella of fandoms in general, but that’s the thing: they’re all more communities than fandoms -- from the casual builders to the pro parkour players to those who watched the og youtubers to those who followed the Great Potato War, there was Minecraft Culture. 

And the expanded fandom that’s sprung up around the Dream SMP and possibly Dream in general (???) is more of fandom. It feels like a fandom. People treat it like a fandom, they talk about it in fandom spaces, it is fandom, a modern fandom. Not a quaint “little” Minecraft community. 

I’m not going to say it’s because of the shipping, but... I have no data but at least I can say that it certainly creates an appeal for Fandom People as opposed to Minecraft People. And then also it’s just a fandom thing so it makes the space more fandom. 

Also I realized this is all based upon a feeling, so where did the feeling come from? I was reading in-fandom texts a lot today, and I think the storyline actually might have something to do with it. Also maybe the “talking behind their backs”? I can’t be bothered to remember what I’m comparing to what at this point but that’s definitely done in a lot of other spaces I’m in, so idk.

OH FRICK I’ve mostly been *in* the fandom spaces for real things lmao. (Read: I’m 100% making up everything at this point.) 

(awkward transition because I inserted the last two paragraphs later on)

And really, I played minecraft today for the first time in months. But it’s still with me, you know? The memories of being introduced to it, growing up with it. Going to the Nether with my cousins, my uncle’s giant survival mode cathedral. Mojang being bought by Microsoft and everybody hating it. (... me, my brother, my two friends, essentially... how did we even know??)

[I had part about the minecraft.net writers here but it was completely unrelated so it became it’s own post. I should do that more.]

(With every sentence the target audience of this post gets smaller.)

What was I saying? I’ll just wrap up. 

TL;DR: Dream SMP fandom feels like a fandom and not a Minecraft community and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I’ve realized I prefer a community feel, which makes me grateful I joined the phandom now. Also I shouldn’t be allowed to post things past 9:00pm. 

Oh my god I’m so sorry to all my mutrals. My tired loquacious reflex has kicked in. This is essentially a dan and phil stan blog, and though I know a few of you know what I’m going on about, I’m so sorry to the rest of you. 

Well, at least *I* think I’m a fascinating person with interesting things to say hahahahha. 

This is like a diary post. Should I post this? Yeah, other people should share my thoughts lol. OH NO: Late-night Tumblr fandom ramble posts are the new social-justice tirade/generally useless blog-like Goodreads reviews. At least it’s what Tumblr’s made for :P. 

#long post #VERY long post #not worth reading #minecraft youtuber references #mcyt new gen #okay i'm officaly transitionng 'minecraft youtuber references' to only be for the original gen #i.e. stampy + friends; dantdm; that's about it for me #which are in here so the tag stays #dream #dream smp #technoblade #minecraft #minecraft community #fandom #fandom meta #dream smp fandom #dsmp #<- if that's even the right thing #ooo the mama demo's playig! #using tumblr like a normal blog #I talk too much #I said this #my writing #ALL the tags #because they all have different meanigns!!!! #phandom #phandom meta #dream smp phandom meta #the phandom is a jar of clowns #<- is my offical phandom tag despite the COMPLETE lakcing of clowning here

[jamariaaaa]

Late night confession pt 1:

TRIGGER WARNING; S*lf h*rming & S*icide

The ending of 2019 beginning of 2020 was the worst months of my life. (December- April.)

My brother (dog) died five days before my birthday.

I lost a lot of my friends..

My boyfriend aka the only person I could trust left me for my friend.

My parents found out I was depressed and didn’t do anything about it.

I realized I was being taken advantage of. But we aren’t going to get into that today.

Let’s start with my friends.

Friends: so I knew my dog was dying, but I didn’t expect him to die before my birthday. So I began to distance myself from everyone, this girl stayed by my side no matter what, and so did my boyfriend. He knew not to talk about dogs around me, because I would automatically breakdown. Obviously people thought I was being fake, and they left then and there. I can say it’s my fault, but I didn’t want to cry around people 24/7 about an animal. That’s very obnoxious right?

Getting left for my friend; Getting taken for advantage: so it’s December 2nd. Four days before my dog dies, 9 days before my birthday. I had a sinus infection so I was feeling like shit. My boyfriend at the time came up to me, he could see I was distraught. He took it as if I was mad at him, it hurt to talk. I didn’t want to talk. I wasn’t ignoring him. So I tried to talk to him, but he pushed me away. So I went to gym, yeah I lost most of my friends but I had some good kids in gym who liked me. So my best friend came up to me, she could tell I was PISSED, hell even some of her homeboys could tell I wasn’t having it. So there I was, I hot mess, stuttering, shaking. It was bad. And the worst part was, I had class with him after that. That continued for two days until the fourth. I finally had enough, he wasn’t going to talk to me, so I got my cousin. My cousin is around 250 pounds and up, (113 kg.) I finally got him to talk to me. I was already pissed once again. And when I’m mad, I start crying. So I was crying, I guess that ‘broke his heart’ because once he seen that I was crying he started apologizing, my dumbass accepted that shit.

The taken advantage part.. sheeesh. I never noticed but this ass, took advantage of my body BAD. I hate people touching me, but he would always find ways to touch my bum or even seek his hands into my pants, NOT OKAY. But I never wanted to say anything because I was afraid he was going to leave me. Which he did in the end. Whatever. But after we did breakup, it seemed like he still wanted me around but hated me at the same time. We had Spanish together so that was worst. Every time I would see him, I would automatically go into a shaking/twitching spell, and it wouldn’t stop until class ending. Anyway one particular day, I was sitting with him, and we were talking random shit. Sometimes I say things that don’t come out right (18+) and I guess he took it For real. When I looked back up from my paper, I seen his dick. Like he whipped it out it class. I tried to ignore him, until I had to tie my fucking shoe. GOD I HATE MY SHOE NOW. After I tied it, he grabbed my head and shoved me down on to his member. Very disgusting, we weren’t dating anymore and this was fucking forced. Ngl I had feelings for him still, I did touch it a couple of times, I’m not going to make him the villain, but what he did wasn’t right.

Back to the break up topic: it was January 22nd(?) idk fuck the date. So we got in an argument for whatever reason, and that’s when he broke up with me, I was already suffering, I felt like the black sheep in my household and I didn’t have a shoulder to lean on and cry. That sucked the most. So after he broke up with me, I just went incognito. I stopped going to school for a couple of days. And even when I did go to school, I would call my grandma to come get me. It made me so sick, I woke up shaking one day. Could barley walk nor talk. I was hurt. I felt like my world was ending. I wanted to die. Not because of getting broken up with, but just not being enough for everyone. My grades were slipping and so was my mind. There was a bunch of times where I would just think about killing myself then and there. Nobody knew of these thoughts but my sister.. even so then she told my mom and what did I get? Yelled at. At that point I wasn’t having it. I was self harming myself and all. The cuts were pretty bad to the point where, when my heart would beat you could see the heartbeat movement thumping through my left breast. Yes it’s supposed to do that when your heartbeat is hard or something like that. I think it only happens when you’re nervous. But every time I would step out of a quiet place, I would have an anxiety attack, even if it was going on the bus.

This leads me to my last topic, my parents finding out I was depressed: this was in April, the found out from my eldest sister. They acted like I didn’t know what love was and how it felt to be heartbroken. They said I didn’t have depression and it was for attention. They didn’t even try to have a talk with me about anything, just constant yelling. Even my middle sister said it was wrong for them to do, I really didn’t want to live after that. I couldn’t even sleep in my bed that night. I got in the shower and sat on the floor facing the wall for twenty minutes, just rocking back and forth, I didn’t feel loved at all. That night I slept with my sister, she knew how I felt. I actually prayed that I would die in my sleep that night. But to them it was just tough love.

Honestly it took me a while to write this confession. I haven’t healed completely from the twitching and anxiety. But I’m fine now. I think the entire yelling part from my parents helped me out, because now I’m not as soft as I was anymore. I know this is all over the place but I tried to write it without crying like a dumbass, I SUCCEEDED!! Well yeah, this was an late night confession:))) heh I really do like those pictures :)) (while writing this, I’m listening to crossing fields by LiSA. I WANNA DANCE.. but it’s 4:22 in the morning. Hahah)

#nct #nct chenle #nct mark #nct jaemin #nct haechan #nct jaehyun #nct taeyong #nct jungwoo #nct doyoung #nct 127 #nct dream #late night confessions

[stoncs]

ay  buddies  what  is  up  !  i’m  tay  ,  n  i’m  here  to  reintroduce  you  to  my  emotional  support  bag  of  trash  ,  stone  .  we  were  here  a  minute  ago  ,  but  now  that  i  have  a  job  w  pretty  good  hours  i  thought  ...  huh  ,  isnt  it  time  for  stone  to  be  a  scumbag  again  ?  anyhow  ,  i’m  from  the  gmt-3  tmz  i  think  ,  maybe  .  i  go  by  feminine  pronouns  ,  n  it’s  hot  as  balls  in  this  wonderful  brazilian  weather  so  yall  can  catch  me  ugly  sweating  over  here  anytime  !  so  down  below  u  can  find  a  whole  ass  intro  abt  this  douchenozzle  ,   n  if  u  smash  the  gd  like  button  i  will  hit  u  up  for  some  plots !

𝐈.  𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋  :  

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄  :  stone  louis  liberman

𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄  :  stoney 

𝐀𝐆𝐄  :  twenty  five  

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑  /  𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒  :  cismale  /  he & him

𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘  :  bisexual  ,  biromantic

𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍  :  part  time  professional  photographer

𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘  :  charles  liberman  &  elena  hardwell

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑  𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐎  :  scott  disick  ,  jean  ralphio  saperstein  ,  chuck  bass  (  ish  )  .

𝐈𝐈.  𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘

stone  was  born  into  what  is  considered  hollywood  royalty  .  kind  of  like  brangelina  (  pre  breakup  )  ,  or  richard  burton  &  liz  taylor  ,  or  kim  &  k*nye  (  just  kidding  )  .  but  yes  ,  they  were  both  really  famous  actors  who  were  both  in  commited  relationships  when  they  first  met  on  a  movie  set  and  fell  in  mad  love  with  each  other  .  by  the  time  the  movie  had  premiered  they  were  already  secretly  married  and  just  the  most  talked  about  topic  in  the  movie  industry  .

AND  they  lived  happily  ever  after  .  just  kidding  ,  mr.  liberman  died  in  a  car  crash  when  stone  was  ten  years  old  ,  and  his  loss  really  broke  his  mother  .  she  grieved  the  best  way  she  knew  how  :  by  drinking  a  lot  and  getting  remarried  less  than  a  year  after  losing  her  husband  .  and  then  getting  remarried  5  more  times  after  that  . stone  actually  gets  along  really  well  with  most  of  his  mom’s  ex-husbands  ,  and  is  still  friends  with  some  of  them  even  after  elena  eventually  ditches  them  .  stone  also  claims  not  to  remember  his  dad  ,  but  actually  does  and  really  misses  him  and  the  family  they  were  specially  .

in  regards  of  family  ,  his  dad  had  2  kids  before  marrying  his  mom  ,  and  his  mom  had  one  after  losing  his  dad  so  he  has  plenty  of  siblings  .  he  isn’t  particularly  close  to  them  since  they  never  saw  much  of  each  other  growing  up  ,  but  he  is  very  close  to  his  little  sister  ,  who’s  13  and  just  as  chaotic  as  he  is  but  definitely  a  lot  smarter  .  he  loves  her  to  pieces  even  though  sometimes  he  thinks  she’s  satan  hiding  inside  a  teenage  girl’s  body  .

okay  ,  so  ,  as  previously  mentioned  ,  stone  views  life  in  a  ‘before  dad  &  after  dad’  kinda  way  ,  in  regards  that  childhood  before  his  father  died  was  amazing  ,  they  were  always  travelling  and  going  to  cool  spots  and  having  fun  .  his  mom  was  awesome  &  he  loved  his  dad  to  pieces  and  he  never  had  to  go  to  school  .  life  was  like  ,  perfect  .  and  then  his  dad  died  and  his  mother  was  such  a  mess  .  she  was  having  such  a  hard  time  dealing  with  losing  him  that  she  honestly  couldn’t  give  stone  the  affection  and  structure  he  needed  ,  so  he  was  mostly  left  behind  in  the  chicago  house  with  babysitters  and  homeschool  teachers  while  his  mom  was  off  working  and  getting  married  .  he  doesn’t  really  hold  a  grudge  or  anything  ,  but  he’s  definitely  not  as  close  to  his  mom  because  of  it  ,  it’s  like  he  can’t  really  connect  with  her  anymore  .

stone  never  went  to  college  ,  his  mom  had  to  actually  pay  for  his  high  school  diploma  because  she  didn’t  want  him  to  be  a  dropout  ,  and  stone  spent  most  of  his  life  with  zero  life  prospects  ,  all  he  did  for  a  while  was  spend  his  parent’s  money  and  get  super  fucked  up  .  that  being  said  ,  he’s  really  shaped  up  the  last  couple  of  years  &  ran  with  the  passion  he  had  for  photography  .  he’s  quite  a  bit  more  serious  about  it  than  most  people  know  ,  and  has  shot  big  pieces  for  mags  like  time  and  rolling  stone  ,  but  he  doesn’t  really  want  anyone  creating  expectations  about  him  so  he  usually  keeps  quiet  .  ALSO  because  he’s  having  sex  with  a  bunch  of  models  who  he  definitely  shouldn’t  be  associating  with  ,  so  he  likes  to  keep  a  low  profile  .

growing  up  and  to  this  day  ,  stone  never  minded  the  attention  he  got  from  being  a  hollywood  baby  .  he  just  was  never  bothered  by  it  ,  and  even  like  makes  it  a  game  to  see  how  many  paps  he  can  gather  by  going  out  to  get  groceries  or  to  some  fancy  sushi  place  all  the  celebs  are  going  to  .  he’s  basically  an  attention  wh*re  ,  we  hate  him  .

ALSO  he  is  a  daddy  !  literally  has  a  five  year  old  son  who’s  called  bodhi  .  there’s  a  lot  of  drama  with  his  mother  so  he  doesn’t  get  to  see  him  very  often  ,  but  he  loves  bodhi  very  much  and  is  a  pretty  good  dad  ?  not  the  best  ,  but  he  tries  really  hard  to  be  good  actually  .

𝐈𝐈𝐈.  𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

stone  is  generally  a  great  person  to  be  around  if  you’re  looking  for  a  good  time  ,  he’s  always  up  to  something  fun  and  anything  you  wanna  do  that  most  people  would  consider  crazy  ,  stone  is  the  guy  that  will  say  hell  yea  and  not  think  twice  to  do  it  with  you  .  he  loves  to  be  surrounded  by  people  and  is  just  a  party  animal  .

he’s  also  super  chill  .  crazy  chill  .  too  chill  .  nothing  gets  him  mad  ,  like  ,  nothing  .  usually  that  annoying  dude  who  will  tell  you  to  calm  down  when  you’re  arguing  and  make  you  wanna  choke  him  .  the  least  threatening  dude  you  will  ever  meet  .

just  a  cool  dude  to  have  around  overall  ,  like  people  are  always  having  fun  when  they’re  around  him  .

but  ...  has  NO  moral  compass  ,  not  even  a  single  ounce  of  it  .  he  is  the  most  opportunistic  person  .  will  100%  do  whatever  it  takes  to  get  things  to  go  his  way  ,  and  has  no  concern  about  how  his  actions  affect  others  .  he  usually  thinks  since  nothing  bothers  him  ,  he  can  do  whatever  he  wants  to  everyone  else  and  no  one  will  mind  .

kinda  a  nice  douchebag  ?  he’s  really  charming  and  nice  and  cool  but  will  probably  screw  you  over  at  least  once  in  your  life  ,  maybe  more  if  you  let  him  ngl  .

𝐈𝐕.  𝐅𝐔𝐍  𝐅𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒

is  a vegetarian  !  tried  to  go  vegan  once  but  he  really  likes  chocolate  milk  and  gave  up  .

speaks  very  slowly  ,  says  ‘i mean’  ,  and  ‘uh’  ,  a  lot  .  you’ve  probably  asked  him  to  talk  a  little  faster  once  or  twice  .

is  named  stone  because  he  was  conceived  at  a  rolling  stones  concert  .  shout  out  to  mick  jagger  .  his  mom  always  tells  him  that  and  he  is  traumatized  by  it  .

does  a  LOT  of  drugs  ,  if  he  ever  zones  out  feel  free  to  assume  he’s  tripping  about  purple  crocodiles  or  something  freaky  .

is  6  foot  tall  and  very  clumsy  about  it  !  

was  actually  born  in  greece .

𝐕.  𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐃  𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 

best  friend  :  someone  who’s  been  there  for  stone  through  pretty  much  everything  and  vice  versa  ,  knows  all  his  fuckups  and  either  tries  to  get  him  to  become  a  better  human  being  or  just  fucks  up  right  along  with  him  .    

half  sibling  :  they’re  kinda  awkward  in  that  …  cousins  at  family  get  together  type  of  way  ?  stone  doesn’t  particularly  see  this  person  as  his  actual  sibling  and  they  neither  love  nor  hate  each  other  ,  it’s  just  rly  awkward  .

skinny  love  :  they’re  like  …  the  relationship  that  never  was  ?  they  both  cared  about  one  another  ,  but  for  some  reason  didn’t  end  up  together  so  now  ….  weirdness  happens  ?  they  dont  really  know  where  they  stand  with  one  another  n  might  still  care  but  it  doesn’t  seem  like  it’s  gonna  happen  .

exes  on  good  or  bad  terms  :  like  previously  mentioned  ...  stone  is  kinda  an  asshole  ,  so  his  relationships  mostly  end  up  not  in  the  best  way  possible  ?  that  being  said  ,  he  can  sometimes  be  decent  ,  so  maybe  there  could  be  relationships  that  end  up  in  a  generally  positive  note  ?  possibly  .

CHEATING  PLOTS  :  honestly  stone  might  be  the  king  of  cheating  ?  he  just  doesn’t  care  ?  he’s  such  an  asshole  .  this  doesn’t  even  have  to  be  romantic  either  ?  he  could  have  hooked  up  with  someone  his  friend  liked  or  someone’s  MOM  ,  like  .  he  just  cheats  everyone  on  everything  all the  time  . 

first  love  :  the  person  who  he  thought  was  going  to  give  him  the  romance  that  his  mom and  dad  had  ,  could  have  ended  on  good  or  bad  terms  but  he  always  holds  a  special  place  in  his  heart  for  them  . 

flings  or  fwbs  :  he  probably  has  plenty  of  those  because  stone  is  at  a  phase  in  life  where  he  doesnt  really  believe  in  monogamy ?  i’m  serious  i  hate  him  .  he  probably  has  a  bunch  of  flings  and  not  gonna  lie  ,  he  could  be  stringing  some  of  them  along  just  because  i  love  me  some  drama  .

platonic  siblingish  friendship  :  someone  he  doesn’t  even  think  about  being   with  .  probably  someone  he  kind  of  sees  like  a  sibling  and  is  just  really  protective  about  . 

party  pals  :  they  don’t  really  have  much  in  common  ,  but  they  have  a  great  time  whenever  there  are  parties  and  fun  adventures  around  .

bad  blood  :  stone  doesn’t  really  hate  anyone  ,  but  there  are  definitely  people  he’s  uncomfortable  around  or  who’s  presence  he’s  really  not  fond  of  ?  possibly  a  lot  of  cold  shouldering  and  some  snarky  remarks  ,  nothing  to  extreme  though  .

okay  so  i  feel  like  this  ran  a  little  long  .  it  probably  did  .  a  lot  of  it  was  recycled  from  my  old  intro  but  yall  still  wouldnt  believe  how  long  that  took  me  .  so  like  this  if  u  hate  stone  &  lets  plot  !  

#wealthyhq:intro #( 𝒍 . 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒏𝒆 ) / * out of character . #hi buddies ! #this took a while to get posted bc i had a very unusually busy day #we love a social girl #cant wait to not leave the house for the next 2 weeks