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wangxianficfinder · 4 months

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Fic Finder

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1. I have been looking for this fic for WEEKS!! , I read this fic many months ago, so I don't really remember it well. In this Wei Wuxian is kinda like possessed or something, it's like after his 3 months in burial mounds he comes out very changed he has become very emotionless and has become mute as in he neve ever speaks at all, he always obeys his Sect Leader (Jiang Cheng) and has over all just become a machine who listens to what his master say. Jiang Change,Jiang Yanli and Lan Wangji are very concerned and disturbed about his behaviour. There are chapters where Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng try to cheer him up or make him speak something but it never works.And as u can imagine lan Wangji is heartbroken as well

Then i don't remember how exactly but in the end they show Jiang Yanli,Jiang Cheng,Lan Wangji,Nie Huasiang, and an unconscious Wei Wuxian in the burial mounds and it shows that the burial mound spirits had bargained with wei wuxian when he was thrown in and in order to escape from the burial mounds and to protect his family Wei Wuxian had sacrificed his heart to it. But in the end he regains it and he goes back to being normal. And it's an Overall happy ending.

I have been searching through all the tags of ao3 that could possibly be linked to that fic but I just can't find it

Please help me find this soon

FOUND? between the shadow and the soul by Reverie (cl410) (M, 22k, wangxian, JYL/WQ, JC/NHS, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Family, Dark WWX, Feral WWX, Memory Loss, Magic, Magical Realism, Protective LWJ, Protective JC, Protective JYL, Grief, BAMF WWX, POV Alternating, Happy Ending)

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2. Hey! I’m looking for a certain fic. It’s a rogue cultivator wei ying. All I remember is that during a cultivator event, he takes jiang yanli on a sword ride. He leaves a note, but everyone gets worried she is missing. I think there were corpses attacking. Madam Jin accuses him of starting shit, but jiang yanli defends him. Hope someone’s know it, thanks!

FOUND? SanRen by Kyogre (T, 87k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Different First Meeting, Romantic Fluff, Action & Romance, Eventual Happy Ending) chapter 14

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3. hi i was wondering if you know the fic where lwj visits burial mounds but then a-yuan started crying so he said that he’ll stay once he calms down but ofc by the end both him and wwx have confessed their feelings for each other. please help me i have been trying to find it for the past hour. thank you very much!!! <333

FOUND? A Crying Shame by thunderwear (G, 16k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, A-yuan to the rescue, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Sharing a Bed, Domestic Fluff, Love Confessions, First Kissa, LWJ joins WWX at burial mounds, LWJ is soft pass it on, literally all fluff, Marriage Proposal, Oblivious WWX)

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4. Hello. I’m looking for a long fic. It’s wangxian HAPPY ending and after jin zixuan “dies”. The truth is, He’s not dead. Everyone belive he is, but the jin clan got him and put him on the underground. Some time ago, wen qing, who everyone think is dead too, ends up there with him. They stay years on that prison and, besides some jin and meng yao, no one knows. After some time they get out, I don’t remember how, and the fic continues from there. I looked at all my bookmarks and havent found it.

FOUND? You still sound like a song by Moominmammashandbag (M, 64k, wangxian, WIP, Ghost!WWX, Mystery, LWJ plays inquiry, AU from after the Wens came to Lotus Pier, Most people lived, not everybody died, Angst with a Happy Ending, river spirit!WWX, Angst and Feels, description of murder, imminent smut, Execution, bad dog names, Poisons, Discussion of Attempted Murder, BAMF WWX, Family Feels)

FOUND? 🧡 like speaking to my heart by SnowshadowAO3 (T, 613k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Daemons, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Some people live!, additional warnings in specific chapters, if you don't know what daemons are that's ok because I explain it in the author's note, also by slow burn I VERY much mean slow burn) That part happens near the end iirc / it might be this one? Chapter 37 is the bit the anon mentions

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5. Hi! (This part added to itmf) cuz I lost the one I’ve read where wwx has a sister who’s paired with xichen and I remember her having a kid with xichen but she died(?) and xichen had to raise their son alone and when she came back she lost her memories. Thank youu!! @gideonmorningstar

FOUND? your smile tells me im safe by TheDoctorDionysus (E, 143k, LXC/Female Reader, WangXian, XuanLi, Reader-Insert, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Eventual Romance, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Slow Burn, Canon-Typical Violence, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Blood and Injury, Crossdressing, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Suicide Attempt, Explicit Sexual Content, Semi-Public Sex, Blow Jobs, Inappropriate Use of Gūsū Lán Forehead Ribbon, Hair-pulling, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Marriage Proposal, Married Couple, Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drunk LWJ, its brief but drunkji is there, Amnesia, Major Character Undeath, Canonical Character Death - WWX)

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6. hi im looking for an omegaji fic that was really beautifully paced and written, published sometime last year i think. it had an inn, really creepy atmosphere and background xiyao. i can’t remember anything else about it and i want to reread it so bad

FOUND? penumbra by globose (E, 21k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Bottom LWJ/Top WWX, Mpreg, YLLZ WWX, Demon/Human Relationships, Supernatural Elements, Omega LWJ)

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7. Hiii!! I am looking for a fic I read a long time ago, so I don't remember most of the details. Sorry about that. What I remember about it clearly is that WWX was never found by Jiang Fengmian or any cultivator. Many years later he becomes a minister/official of some kind for the emperor, who is not related to the cultivation world. Now comes the fuzzy part, so it may or may not be helpful for finding that fic. The emperor knows when the war breaks out and sends WWX to help settle the war, and WWX once again becomes a leading cause for the demise of Wen Sect. And obviously WWX and LWJ fall in love during that time.

Once again thanks for all the hard work you do to keep this fandom well fed. @songtaegguk

FOUND? Copying Scriptures by chiyukimei (E, 31k, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, Genius WWX, Palace, canon wangxian dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, LWJ Bites, LWJ is the baby of the Lan Clan, Good Uncle LQR, WangXian are parents, Fluff, Blood and Injury, Self-Harm)

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8. Hi again! I'm looking for a modern AU where LZ gains friends after wy's death/disappearance.

So wy has a lot of friends, like jc jyl wq wn nhs jzx lqy etc, and by being in a relation w wy, lz also has access to them.

But once wy is gone lz thinks the link between wy's friends and lz is non-existant and starts to spiral from the loss of wy, alone.

But the friends don't let lz go, barge into lz apartment and makes a space for themselves and help lz grieve n move on from the loss of his partner.

Slowly through the years lz feels he also has friends.

Eventually wy does come back and wangxian rekindles their flame. @imstillthinkingaboutithmm

NOT FOUND! Sounds like it could be The transitive property as it applies to love by deliciousblizzardshark, part 2 of the series (T, 10k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LWJ & WQ, LWJ & WN, Modern, Grief/Mourning, Mention of substance abuse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Autistic LWJ) also as a side note, parts 1 & 2 are open, but part 3 is locked to AO3 users

FOUND? Love Don't Belong To Me by airinshaw (E, 21k, WangXian, Modern AU, Getting Together, Kissing, Intercrural Sex, Light Angst, Happy Ending, PTSD, Panic Attack, WWX's canonical self-esteem issues, Canonical Child Abuse, not as dark as the tags imply, Past Relationships mention) its not the WWWWXD series, but the focus isn't on LWJ as much as it is on WWX

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9. Hi! I’ve been searching for a fic I read a while back. It was a modern omegaverse AU (also maybe soulmates) with younger omega LWJ and older alpha WWX. They were in university (LWJ in his 1st year and WWX in his last I think). The uni had a research facility studying a/b/o dynamics, or it might have been soulmates? Anyway, Madam Yu was a professor, and she was actually good and liked WWX and was on his side. Lan Qiren was a professor as well, and I think Wen Qing worked at the clinic as a grad student. I remember one scene where Wangxian were in the clinic and they were fooling around and it was their first time, and the staff had to shoo all the doctors and researchers away (I think there was a 2 way mirror). I don’t remember much else but would really appreciate the help—I can’t find it anywhere and it’s driving me to distraction!

FOUND?🔒 I is for Instinct by beeswaxing (E, 71k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha WWX, Omega LWJ, Scenting, Possessive Behavior, Getting Together, First Time, First Kiss, Public Display of Affection, Public Claiming, Omega Verse, Good Parent LQR, Alpha YZY, Good Parent YZY, Family Feels, Fluff, Romance, Aftermath of Violence, Slice of Life, Modern AU, College/University, BAMF WWX, Soft WangXian, Barebacking, Knotting, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg)

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10. hi !! just wanted to let you know that this fic could possibly be deleted, but i hope it isn’t. i vaguely remember this is abo — wwx is an omega and lz is an alpha, wwx is kicked out of gusu for reasons (i think lz had something to do with it), madam yu then trains wwx to be this spy/assassin who is to protect jiang cheng and yanli, during xuanwu wwx pretends to be someone else but lz and nhs find out, wwx fakes his death during/after xuanwu, last chapter is letters from nhs (to madam yu?)

FOUND?🔒Pendulum by ShippersList (M, 69k, WangXian, XiYao, Canon Divergence, A/B/O Dynamics, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Misunderstandings, Canon-Typical Violence, Spies & Secret Agents, Fake Character Death, Slow Burn, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, BAMF WWX, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canonical Character Death, Mutual Pining, Good MY, Introspection, Self-Sacrificing WWX, Love Confessions, Protective LWJ, past child sexual abuse)

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11. hello ! I recently lost track of a wangxian proposal au, like the movie lol. pretty sure it had something like “the proposal au no one asked for” in the summary. Ik that’s not a lot to go on, but I was hoping you could help. tysm!

FOUND? The Grandmaster of Foolproof Proposals by chronicallylethargic (G, 16k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, The Proposal Fusion, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining, The Proposal AU, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Angst, Fake Marriage, deportation, Green Card Marriage, Miscommunication, Horseback Riding, wwx isnt adopted by the jiangs in this fic)

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12. fic finder request! having no luck looking through my history for a fic, where i only rmb the ending. wangxian are with dafanwen. after giving lwj two flowers (or sth similar) from himself and ayuan, wwx reveals that he is expecting their second child by presenting lwj with a third flower. i can't rmb if ayuan is wangxian's biological child in this fic.

thank you so much for what you do and happy new year!

FOUND!🔒Blooming in white by luckymoonly (T, 38k, WangXian, XuanLi, MianQing, NieLan, ChengSang, Canon Divergence, Mpreg, Getting Together, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending starts from chapter 71, hidden pregnancy, Mutual Pining, Drama, Misunderstandings, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Miscommunication, WWX and NHS are BFF, matchmaker!NHS, Fix-It)

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13. Hi! I’m trying to find a fic and I can’t remember the name. From what I do remember, it focuses on Lan Sizhui as WWX’s son while he was dead, with Jiang Ching repeatedly inviting him over to get to know his Jiang heritage. I don’t think he knows his other parent is WWX? LWJ doesn’t really want him to go but he eventually goes anyway and learns about his dad’s sect. @finmoryo

FOUND? Would You Come Home? by s6115 (Not rated, 46k, WangXian, Junior Quartet Centric, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Junior Quartet Dynamics) this story doesn't feature a lot of actual wwx (tho he very much plays a part) but technically it fits the prompt and it's a great fic

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14. Hey, Can you help me find a fic? In the fic wwx owns an apothecary. Lwj and wwx meet bcz lwj is injured. Wwx is adopted by either the apothecary owner or a doctor who owns an apothecary. Hope you are able to find it for me. @mayavsworld

FOUND? A Heart Made of Jade by makkurokuro93 (E, 66k, WangXian, Historical, Ancient China, Politics, Drama & Romance, Love Triangles, One-Sided LXC/WWX, Slow Burn, Sexual Content, Angst with a Happy Ending, Top WWX/Bottom LWJ, Top LWJ/Bottom WWX, of course they switch ssh, Fluff, Eventual Relationships)

FOUND? what builds a home by Stratisphyre (T, 45k, WangXian, MY & WWX, Canon Divergence, Adopted WWX, POV Multiple, warning for JGS behaving exactly as expected, child endangerment, Brother Feels, Minor Character Death) probably isn't "what builds a home" by Stratisphyre but I wanted to mention it in case -- wwx & meng yao are brothers in this fic, meng yao runs an apothecary, and wwx meets lwj (and saves him) b/c lwj is injured

is it a historical/no cultivator clans AU where the Twin Jades are a pair of outlaws a la Robin Hood?

FOUND? Eyes by SplitGirl28 (M, 60k, WIP, WangXian, Adopted by Doctor, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiāngs, Cultivator Apothecary WWX, No Golden Core Transfer, Meet Different, WWX has a secret, Secret BAMF WWX, Pining LWJ, Oblivious WWX, WangXian Get a Happy Ending)

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15. I'm looking for a Xicheng fic that I once read and I cannot find It was a 'smut' fic. Modern day. LXC was the son of the owner of a restaurant in which JC and NHS worked. it's LXC's birthday and he comes to the restaurant to celebrate and he had a 'special service' dinner planned out, but the waitress is not available or something , so NHS asks JC to do it instead and LXC and JC have ***. Turns out this was set up by LXC and NHS coz LXC had a crush on JC! If anyone has an idea please help out !

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16. looking for a fic where wwx makes a bet at the cr that he’ll kiss lxc before the summer is up but he actually ends up w lwj obviously

FOUND? Bet Your Heart by Vamillepudding (G, 14k, wangxian, LXC & WWX, Canon Divergence, Romantic Comedy, Mutual Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together)

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17. Hello, I’ve been desperately looking for a particular fic but all I really remember is one scene, where after wangxian reunion and justice being served and all (at least I think that bit has already happened by that point of the fic), it turns out that Wen Qing survived after all but had been kept prisoner. I just remember this scene of her in her cell considering her imminent death because her meals have stopped for a some time already (since JGY is no longer around to provide them or something along those lines, but she doesn’t know that) and then she hears a familiar voice outside and she calls desperately despite barely having a voice and despairs for a moment thinking no one noticed but then WWX, who very much did hear her and was wandering around Koi Tower with Lan Zhan for some reason I can’t remember, brings down the entire prison around her and rescues her. I’m fairly certain there must have been a happy ending, because that’s all I ever read. I know it’s not a lot to go on but it’s been driving me insane trying to find it. Thanks for all your wonderful work!

FOUND? Reunion by LtLJ, last part of the series (G, 3k, WWX & WQ, wangxian, WQ & WN, Hurt/Comfort, BAMF WWX, WQ Lives, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Behavior, Angst with a Happy Ending, YLLZ WWX, BFFs)

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18. Hello I'm translating on Google Translate, so sorry for any mistakes. I'm looking for a fanfic at the time of the siege at the tombs, instead of Jiāng Yànlí, he stood in front of Weiying to protect him and Lan Zhan, who was injured and Weiying thought he killed him, until he handed himself over to the Lan clan.

FOUND? If I Could Go Back in Time by Runningbarefoot (M, 122k, wangxian, JC & JYL & WWX, LXC/NMJ, LXC & LWJ, LXC & WWX, Canon Divergence, Role Reversal, Not Everyone Dies AU, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning, Loss, YLLZ WWX, Eventual Happy Ending, The Twin Jade Brotherhood, Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Dynamics, Slow Burn)

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19. Hi, I'm looking for a wangxian angst fic I read a while ago? It was a modern au, and I can't remember if they were married or not but it was definitely an established relationship and it was about lan wangji being upset because he thought wei wuxian had moved his mother's urn and wei wuxian ended up apologizing after lan wangji got mad even though he hadn't done anything. The fic had a really nice make up afterward and i want to read it again so bad waaah

FOUND! under my skin by wqngji (M, 3k, WangXian, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Established Relationship, Fights, Crying, Married Couple, Insecure WWX, Self-Worth Issues, Hurt WWX, Sex in a Car, Car Sex, Day At The Beach)

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20. Hi I am looking for a fic in which wei ying wakes up in the burial mounds, which have turned green.

He basically growns flowers and seems to be some kind of deity @pigtruffles

FOUND? the trees welcome with open branches by defractum (nyargles) (nyargles) (T, 13k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Supernatural Elements, Getting Together, Fix-It of Sorts)Wwx turns himself into a forest on the burial mounds. Lwj visits, and they Communicate

Is this a time travel fic? Where he wakes up and sees the wens alive and the burial mounds flourishing with life? And he's so confused because he doesn't know how it happened? But it was because he wished for the wens to have a better life before he died or something? I can't remember the name of that fic but maybe some one else can?

FOUND? 🔒 Of Destruction and Rebirth by demoniqt (M, 88k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, major character death, underage, rape/non-con, graphic depictions of violence, Slow Burn, Canonical Character Death, God WWX, God Verse, BAMF WWX, Grieving LWJ, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Gods & Goddesses, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Rabbits, Fix-It, Attempted Sexual Assault, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Gore, Castration, Lots of it, repeatedly, Punishment, Hell) He didnt wake up in burial mound but he is a god and make burial mound green

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#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

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6-zao-xing-9 · 4 months

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how does akito feel about reader who really likes kisses,,, like.. constantly catching him in makeouts (not weird, like pampering him w kisses.. or both if u like idk) and doing it every chance she gets??

A kiss for everytime you breathe.

Akito x fem! reader

Summary: How does Akito react or feel when his girlfriend is constantly all over him every waking second of every waking day?

Form: hc

he honestly doesnt even know how he tolerates you

Bro gets so red and already sighs to himself when he sees you approaching

He obviously loves it but will never admit it

Tsundere in action

Always pushes you away when ever you come even near him

Especially if youre with vbs

Not only does he have to survive you, which is a 24 hour job in and of itself, he also has to survive the teasing from An and Ena

Hes never had to say shut up so much in his life

He always says “You're gonna be the death of me.” whenever you go all over him

bro needs a break

He hates how his heart always races or how his faces always turn into a tomato everytime you shower him with kisses or attention

Youre like a hyperactive touch starved puppy to him

And youve got to be really bad if he compares you to a dog

Tries to act cool whenever youre around but fails miserably

Gets so riled up if you ask him if he likes your kisses and immediately denies that he does

If you tease him about then he'll just tell you to shut up like always

Thats the only comeback he has

If youre actually sad when he says he doesnt like your kisses, he'll immediately feel guilty ofc and try to shower you with kisses awkwardly as a way of saying your kisses are all good

If you know he loves it but you stop giving him kisses just to mess with him, he'll get ‘mad’ ofc and give you a few kisses to ‘knock some sense into you’

I feel like he accidentally punched you one time when you suddenly ran up to him and kissed him

Ofc he immediately apologized but he also scolded you for catching him so off guard

Thanks for reading!

#lets ✨write!✨#lets ✨request!✨#project sekai x reader #akito x reader #shinonome akito x reader #akito shinonome x reader #pjsk #project sekai #akito shinonome #shinonome akito

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arece · 11 months

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hii love!

could i request john x reader (platonic ofc) within the perfect storyline that you created?

ive always wondered what happened to aurelio when the reader thought he abandoned her while he was just trying to protect her. maybe they have met after john died and he apologized and maybe reader forgives him??? i just need to know he is not the bad guy 😭

thank youu

It'll All Work Out

♤ Summary: Reader gets closure she never knew she needed from Aurelio. The series

♤ a/n: You're right my dear anon, he was never the bad guy. Reader was just a baby who needed someone to blame at the time. This one's really short but it has a bittersweet tone that I love and I hope you enjoy it too!

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You ended up staying in Berlin for three months, learning all that you could from those in the Ruska Roma about John’s childhood. You decided that it was time to go back when you realized the first year death anniversary was fast approaching.

Though you could use the comfort of your new family, you’d never forgive yourself if you weren’t with him on the day. You wanted to do something special for him, some part of you hoping he sees your gift from wherever he is.

You took Dog’s leash off, letting her rub against his headstone as you reached for the packet in your pocket. You sprinkled the wildflower seeds around his and Helen’s graves, giving them something that would come back each year, never leaving them.

You were moving the knife he gifted you back into place when you heard steps behind you, quick to turn you held it threateningly before becoming shocked at the person you never expected to see in front of you.

“Aurelio?” You faltered before dropping the knife completely. The man gave an awkward, unsure smile, “look at you, not so little anymore.” You stood from the ground, calming Dog with a pet as she watched him anxiously.

“That’s what seven years does.” He winced at your blunt tone and you felt bad, not intending for him to feel guilty. By now you’ve grown to realize why he had sent you away. “Look I-”

“It’s okay, Aurelio. I don’t blame you, you saved my life by bringing him to me.” It seemed he’d been carrying the guilt for a while by the way he slightly got choked up. He cleared his throat, stepping beside you to look at his grave.

“Loving father, huh?” For once the tears that stung at your eyes weren’t from a place of pain, rather one of remembrance, something you thought you had surely lost three months prior. “He was the best one I could’ve ever asked for,” you turned towards him, “I was too lost before to thank you.”

“I’m glad you’re okay.” The sarcastic snort you let out had him raising an eyebrow, “I was a mess.” You explained to him your journey with grief for the past year, struggling to move on and almost falling back into the underworld, your panic with forgetting, your arguments with Caine and Winston.

“Why do you have to find someone to blame?” It startled you slightly, how easily he revealed to you another direction your grief was driving you to. If it wasn’t yourself, it was Winston or Caine. Why did you need someone to put at fault?

“I don’t want to be angry at him.” Aurelio sighed, wrapping an arm around your shoulder, still seeing you as that feisty fourteen year old who had a talent for stealing. “You’re too hard on yourself.”

For the first time you allowed yourself to seek comfort from somebody that wasn’t John, from the man who had also chosen to let you go to protect you, a recurring theme it seems. “You seem different. Like him.” The passive comment brought a smile to your face, reminding you how Katia told you he lived on through you. You were glad that someone saw it too.

“Do you have any regrets?” He asked. You thought back to all the pain, loneliness, confusion, grief. But you also thought back to when you were loved. That made it all worth it ten times over, “I wouldn’t change a thing.”

You called Dog over to put her back on her leash, inviting Aurelio out for a memorial lunch for John. He agreed, stepping back to allow you room for your goodbyes. You leaned forward, softly kissing his grave, “I’m doing better now.”

With a parting touch you left feeling more fulfilled after gaining closure, healing a wound that had added to your suffering, one that now left a scar, a memory.

⋯♤⋯♧⋯♢⋯

taglist: @khaleesihavilliard @ihatemyselfmorethanmydepression @tamnight @hesvoid34 @scarletmeii @romanreignsluver1 @wi1steria @not-a-big-slay @howlerwolfmax @mizzy-pop @sarapaprikas-blog @angrykitsune01

#john wick father figure #platonic #john wick #john wick x fem!reader #john wick x you #john wick x reader #fanfic #keanu reeves x reader #fem reader #keanu reeves #arece drabbles #john wick one shot #john wick imagine #john wick chapter 4 #john wick 4 spoilers #keanu reeves one shot #keanu reeves imagine

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kaisatouloml · 3 months

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Some kai stuff I want to post in honor of me getting a kai plush!!! I won't get him until about april but still!! :3 also this is just in an au where there is no death game and things r perfect 😞😞

I think kai definitely can crochet AND OR knit and loves fall bc he can spend time making sweaters and what not, I can specifically see him making sara and joe sweaters I don't see anyone talk abt him and Joe bc while main game he says almost nth about Joe but I think he keeps tabs on joe bc of how close he is with sara and it would make sense if he was fond of joe as well as Sara so ofc hes making Joe a little dog sweater.

I associate fall with candles just bc of all the fall related scents that come out so ofc Kai does have his own collection of fall candles but he kinda seems like he would enjoy cinnamon so definitely those kinds of scents as well. In my heart he's got a bit of a sweet tooth but in fall he totally goes into like a baking craze, pies, cakes, breads all that stuff but I feel they would just be given to others rather than him keeping it for himself.

Ever since I found out Kai likes dramas and stuff I cannot get the idea of him doing laundry while watching a telenovela. I think it would be silly if it's one of those things where he is watching it while Sara and joe might be over and they start becoming just as invested as kai is and they all binge watch dramas on saturdays. wuh they're so precious

He likes going to farmers markets, like the far out ones in the middle of butt nowhere but always has really good apple bread and sweet fruit jams. He always keeps strawberry jam stocked for sara and gives her a jar or two to take home with her.

Best gift giver in the world bc a lot of it would be homemade but also catered to the person he's giving the gift to obviously, I think he's very punctual he has these gifts prepped weeks or even months in advance and is just counting down the days to give them out.

Also bc I literally can't help myself I am the biggest kai self shipper ever just some domestic stuff bleh :p he'd always enjoy cooking for u and trying out different recipes I don't think he'd mind having a partner who's a picky eater bc it gives him a challenge to cook different things that are suited for a totally different pallet and he enjoys the payoff for making something his s/o likes

Date wise I think kai would prefer smth way more intimate, like at home dinner and stuff like that he's a corny little guy but I love him sm he flusters very easy and gets a bit shy over complements WHICH IK IS ALREADY KINDA CANON but still I love this little goober..

Anyways that's all I feel like typing for now blehh

#kai satou

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thestrangearchives · 6 months

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putting my stranger things band au out into the world

weve got steve on main vocals/guitar

robin on bass/backup vocals (although there are a couple songs where she takes main)

and max on drums

do they have a specific genre? who tf knows i chose these songs for their lyrics and story but i imagine some would be modified to create a more uniform sound

now for the album in order(please hear me out on some of these):

Dear Reader- Taylor Swift (steves song to dustin)

BNBG- Djo (steve meeting eddie and discovering hes bi)

To Love a Boy- Maya Hawke (robin song!! self explanatory)

Change- Djo (steve reflecting on who he used to be vs who he is now)

Dial Drunk- Noah Kahan (steve gets arrested for xyz and his parents wont answer)

Somebody’s Baby- Sidney Gish (robin song 2!! start of her crush on nancy)

Acolyte- Slaughter Beach, Dog (90% written by steve before eddies death and finished after)

Run the World!!!- Dayglow (written by max! they all call it their fun song but its definitely still more about her ptsd and depression)

Strange Time- Matt Maltese (steve wrote this soon after eddie died)

Coffee- Chappell Roan (duet between steve and robin about their shared ex, nancy. they all ofc still love her and are very close friends but this was written during a rough patch post ronance breakup)

Brother- Fenne Lily (co-written by max and steve about their relationship)

ceilings- Lizzy McAlpine (steve keeps forgetting that eddie has died)

Francesca- Hozier (stobins soulmate song! written by robin because she knows steve feels guilty about dragging her into the upside down but she doesnt regret it because now she has him)

vague storyline is that steve starts getting into music to cope with all of the upside down shit sometime between end of season 1 and season 2. he starts seeing eddie after season 3 and is head over heels for him before eddie (still) dies at the end of season 4 and is (obviously) heartbroken.

after max heals she starts learning the drums to help process emotions better and also around this time robin and nancy start a budding romance. steve learns about max playing the drums and starts having jam sessions w her and later on robin also joins and its just very cathartic for them all. nancy and robin are kinda on again off again until steve and robin write Coffee together which firmly puts them in the past and they remain good friends after. (i love ronance i swear but for whatever reason in this au i just dont see them lasting longterm) (also i feel bad because the story of Coffee feels like it makes out nancy to be a villain and i love her i swear)

after a few years steve, robin, and max decide to start playing local bars and small shows and eventually are discovered and release their first and only album. the album gets wildly popular and they tour for a bit but none of them really wanted fame and decided that they really just preferred making music in their living rooms. they do pop up shows at small venues every now and again and they still consider themselves A Band.

likely they get rediscovered on tik tok or something and everyone is coming up with theories on the story of the album(stupid shit like ‘he said eddie in acolyte right’ ‘no dude he said annie steve isnt gay god some people’ or some weird love triangle involving steve robin and some mystery person) so they all make a video talking about the history of the band and steve comes out and opens up about how some of the songs are about eddies death (which starts another fire once people find out that steves eddie is eddie munson because obviously everyones heard of the hawkins murders at which point steve releases a video basically telling everyone to not talk about shit they know nothing about and to fuck off and leave him alone and after that the band is never heard from online again) happily ever after the end :) i just needed this out of my brain

#this is literally such a mess #and this au will be living in my brain forever #stranger things #steddie #stobin #platonic stobin #realizing i really like parentheses

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naushtheaspiringauthor · 4 months

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~Child Of The Storm~

Nikolai Lantsov x OC

Image by - @brokendreamtale2

Warnings- slight mentions of death, slight gore (nothing too graphic)

A/N- helloooo to whoever's reading this fic, im really sorry this chapter is really long. It was either going to be too short or this, so I chose the latter. And now you FINALLY know the whole backstory (not the proper reason ofc but still). Also, let me know if you'd like to be added or removed from the taglist!

Taglist- @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @sirisuorionblack @nadeleine123n

Ch-19 ~Memories buried away~

A serious of loud noises of metal could. Grappling hooks, Anaya noticed them through all most all part of the railings.

A howl went up from somewhere, similar to the baying of a wolf. Men swarmed over the rail onto the whaler’s deck, pistols strapped to their chests, cutlasses in their hands, yowling and barking like a pack of wild dogs. The Darkling turned around in confusion and rage on his face. “What the hell is going on?” Anaya heard Mal say as he stepped infront of Alina “I don’t know,” the girl replied. “Something very good or something very, very bad.” Pistol shots rang out and the deck suddenly erupted in fighting. The air began to glow Inferni fire. “To me, hounds!” Sturmhond shouted from somewhere. Anaya saw him with a sabre in his hands.

Barking, yipping, snarling men were descending on the Darkling’s Grisha from all sides. Sturmhond's men. The mad boy was turning against the Darkling.

He was either too clever for anyone else, or the biggest fool to ever live. “Look!” Mal shouted.

Down in the water, the men in the remaining longboat had the struggling sea whip in tow. They had raised a sail, and a brisk wind was driving them, not toward the whaler but directly toward the schooner instead. The stiff breeze that carried them seemed to come from nowhere. A crewman was standing in the longboat, arms raised. Sturmhond had a Squaller working for him.

Anaya turned to see Tolya rushing away with Alina in his arms like a sack of flour. Tamar rushed to Mal and sliced his bonds. She had to find her own way out of this ship.

As she rushed in their opposite direction, she heard Alina called out "Wait, we have to get Anaya!" she heard the girl scream. But she chose to ignore her, she needed to find someone first.

She knew Genya wouldn't agree to leave the Darkling's side, she wasn't presented with much of a choice. But she knew one person who might listen to her, the one who had always been there for her.

She rushed to see Rabeah struggling to flee from one of the men's grasp. She summoned a tide and sent it directly towards them. Rabeah stumbled and fell behind on her back. Anaya rushed to her side and helped her to her feet. "Come on" she said to the girl

Anaya grabbed her hand and ran for the edge of the ship. One of the armed sailors raised his pistols at them, but before either of them could react, Sturmhond shouted from behind "Lower the weapon" he said to the sailor.

Without giving him much thought, they continued to run but stopped abruptly when the Darkling came towards their way, his face brimming with rage

"How dare you go against me, Anaya!" He screamed. "This will not bode well for you!"

"Oh how more could you possibly hurt me?" She spoke, her eyes flushed with rage

"Do you really wish to see?" Before Anaya could react, he sent one of his monsters of darkness towards Rabeah, making her go thrashing down to the floor. Sturmhond attempted to slash it with his sword, but it seemed to regain its form too quick.

Anaya sent a gust of mist toward it with great force, making it disappear for a brief moment and reappear. Before she could raise her arms again, the Darkling sent ribbons of darkness her way, making her back crash with the railing.

She attempted to rise again but he rushed towards her and grabbed her by the neck. "You really think you can defeat me!? I have power beyond your imagination. You were nothing! I made you into who you are!" He yelled, his arm choking her.

He then released his grasp with a jerk and released numerous ribbons of darkness towards her that lifted her off her feet and hurled her towards the water. The last thing she saw before meeting with the cold waves, were the muddy green eyes of Sturmhond as he grabbed the railing.

.................................................................................

Anaya's breath began to slip away as she sank deeper into the water. Perhaps this was her fate after all, this is where her place was. In the depths of water, again. Her eyes began to close and the brushing of the waves drifted her back to the memories long gone.

"I can't wait to go back home and tell everyone about the crop fields we saw back at Novyi Zem, and make Zoya even more jealous than she already is" Anaya spoke with great enthusiasm. The distressed looks of both Arthur and Virena suddenly changed to a joyful one

"You can just tell her without thinking of making the girl jealous, Anaya" Virena spoke as she finished the last of her rye

"Alright" The girl responded in an annoyed tone

"When will we reach Os Alta?"

"It could take around, three more days" Arthur responded, taking a bite of his meal

"Don't you love the sea, dear?"

"I do, it's very quiet here. I feel like I could hear the whispers of the waves, as if they're calling to me, but I also wish to go back home"

"Alright alright, that's very poetic, you should write it in your diary" Arthur smiled

"Actually, I should" She responded, leaving the table in a hurry

"Finish your meal first!" Virena called out, but the girl was long gone

.....................................................................................

The girl was woken from her sleep by the sudden loud noise. She quickly put on her coat and rushed outside her chambers. She rushed to the other side of the ship, where she'd last seen her parents. That was when she noticed the black smoke coming from a side of the port. Her steps slowed down as she moved closer to the direction of the smoke. She saw a mast of the ship fallen onto the floor an it had been caught on flames.

Her eyes widened at the sight infront of her. But before she could react, another loud thud echoed onto the ship. The floor now began to shake violently. The girl started running, in attempts of finding her parents. Her sight was blinded by a massive light gleaming from the front. There was another ship, once she hadn't seen for the rest of the journey. She was attempting to shield her eyes from the light when her hand was suddenly grabbed by someone.

She turned around in a haste to see her father in a dishveled state. "Come on!" he dragged her along to another part of the ship, "We must find your mother"

Was she not with him? Anaya wondered in terror as another loud thud was heard

The reached the room she'd last seen them both in. The entire frame of the room had collapsed. Her father shuddered as they came to a sudden stop. "Stay here" he said without looking at her and rushed inside.

He began lifting the bits of wood with trembling breaths. Despite his words, Anaya rushed in to help him.

Her father suddenly came to a halt. She finally saw her mother lying, blood gushing out from a side of her stomach. Arthur rushed to her and helped her to her feet. She gave a yelp before finally managing to stand up. He put her arm over his shoulder and hurried outside, "Come on, we need to find the crew" he said

The wandered around the port and starboard but there were no sights of any of the crew members, as if they'd just vanished. "We can still get on of the long boats" Arthur spoke

"And how will you get me there!?" Virena reasoned. "Just take Anaya, and leave. We cannot let them get their hands on the map"

As they continued to argue, Anaya moved closely to a side of the railing. That was when she saw it, a massive cyclone inching closer towards the ship. "Look!" she screamed, catching both her parents' attention

Arthur rushed to the railing with Virena, horror spread over their features at the sight.

"Help your mother and step back" he commanded. Anaya obliged and stepped back with her mother.

Arthur summoned a massive flame and sent it towards the now rising cyclone. He used all of his force on the flame, but its volume was too less to have any effect on it. He attempted several times before finally realizing he could not do it.

He threw his hands in exasperation but turned to look at Anaya. He went on one knee, to match the girl's height, and took her hand in his. "Anaya, listen to me very carefully. I don't have the ability to stop this, only you do. You have to stop it Anaya." "I don't believe I can" the girl responded, hesitantly

"Yes you can love, you have trained so much. We believe you can. There's no other option we can think of anymore or we wouldn't have put you in this situation" Virena added

Anaya stepped forward, and slowly raised her arms, a wave of adrenaline rushing to her veins. She focused all her strength and began to move the massive wave of water back. She slowly moved one hand behind and added more force to it. Her veins began to feel as if they were going to burst out but she could not stop, she wouldn't. Her scream echoed as she slowly sent the tide backwards.

But, another sudden tide appeared from seemingly nowhere, with much greater force than before. The girl attempted to send it back, her arms hurting more than ever, her breath trembling. Another wave appeared from a sudden and sent her thrashing back.

A dark red was flowing along with the sea water, blood, the girl realized. She jolted awake, finally getting to breathe. Water, everywhere, nothing more could be seen. The girl's breath began to grow rapid as she looked around for her parents. That was when she discovered the source of the blood.

Her mother, she wasn't breathing, her body drenched red. She then looked around and found her father, in a similar state. The girl couldn't hold on any longer. Her cries echoed in the waters.

Tears streaming down from cheeks and her hands covered in their blood. Then she heard her father speak in a trembling voice. She forced her sobs to slow down and moved closer to him to make sense of his words.

"The- the map" he managed, his voice shaking. "Do not, trust him" he was no longer breathing.

......................................................................................

She was back home, back at her parents' chambers.

She turned to her right, to look at the mirror infront of the vanity. She was no longer a child, she was no longer twelve.

"You need to go back" she heard her mother's voice from behind

"I cannot, I failed once, and now I have failed again"

"It wasn't your fault dear" her father added, placing his hand on hers

"I will be of no help to them. I have done the wrong thing" she spoke, tears forming in her deep brown eyes

"Then go, and make it right" Virena placed her hand on a side of her face. "You have the power to, you are stronger than you once were" "We believe in you" they both spoke in unison

Anaya's eyes suddenly opened as she sank deep in the waters. This was not her fate, this is not where her place was, not in the waters.

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov fanfiction #nikolai lanstov #nikolai lantsov x oc #nikolai lanstov x reader

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1moreoffkeyanthem · 5 months

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Alright I can’t sleep so it’s time for OJV headcanons that only myself will probably care about but who’s turn is it? Surprisingly not Kenny yet, but

Cartman.

• OrangeJuiceVerse Eric Cartman is an abrasive fuckwad, but he’s not actually Evil.

• He genuinely cares about his friends in his own fucked up way, but he will deny it every goddamn time. Like in hs he’ll give kenny a ride home when his shitty death trap car won’t start but he WILL insult him the whole way.

•this hasn’t been seen in the fics yet, but this mf starts a WEDDING PLANNING COMPANY called, you guessed it, CUPID ME. Marj actually got her degree in hospitality and helps him with it. Both the Style and Kenjorine weddings were GORGEOUS and so personal.

•he didn’t go to college himself but still lived with the group in their weird little house close to campus, and was the one to dubb the place “SP Survivors Safehouse” and named the EXTREMELY dangerous staircase the Widowmakers.

•was the drum major senior year but was incredibly lazy about it, just wanted a “position of power” (only got the position bc he’s an okay clarinet player and his mom slept with the assistant director)

•definitely fights with Kyle growing up ofc because as a child, he WAS truly evil. Like sociopathic. In 6th grade he FINALLY gets some mental help and is surprisingly good about keeping up with the cocktail of antipsychotics and various other shit, plus therapy and trying really hard to empathize with others.

^on that note he still ACTS LIKE A TOTAL DICK most of the time because he thinks it’s funny, but also because he is terrified of anything changing in their group and ya can’t teach an old mr kitty new tricks

• has the most OUT OF POCKET INSULTS ever and is SHOCKINGLY good at naming things. He coined the phrase “Sadsack” too.

• most of them are to mess with kyle of course. Some of his favorites are “pack it up, Fiddler On The Roof”, calling him a burning bush, prince of Egypt, things of that nature. HOWEVER!!!

•the rest of the gang accepted long ago that Cartman was always just gonna call them names and be a general jerk, but they SET UP RULES AS TO WHAT HE CANT DO/SAY!

• in high school, they implement the “Fuckwad Jar”.

• the rules of the jar are as follows: he can rip on his friends, but the SECOND something he does or says genuinely hurts someone, he has to put a dollar in. No exceptions.

• for example, he can roast Stan for being a “tree hugging hippie” and call him a buttplug, “photosynthesizing dildo”, but he CANT call him an alcoholic or try to bring home a taxidermied dog

• he’s not ACTUALLY for real transphobic, but if he tries to make a joke about Marj for shits and giggles, JAR!

• since his favorite target is Kyle, he has the most shit. He DOES still make fun of him for being Jewish, but ANYTHING GENUINELY ANTISEMITIC and ESPECIALLY ww2 “jokes” get the Jar. He’s also not allowed to say SHIT about his body, eating habits, or make ED jokes (this was a rule Stan made on his bfs behalf). Once, he made a concentration camp /ed joke COMBO while only Kyle and Marj were in the room. Kyle completely froze, but Marj went over and FUCKING DECKED HIM. When the other two got home and Kyle got over the initial shock, they all forced him to cough up his entire wallet lmao

• he can call Kenny a perv and rip on him for being poor and “pocket sized with nothing in his pockets”, he’ll call him McWhoremick but the Kenny jar rule is that you DO NOT SUGGEST THAT HES DISLOYAL

•sry I just enjoy the concept of the jar lol

•has a lot of fun living with the gang during his gap year, holding on to that last little bit of childhood normalcy, but eventually he does have to move on. He winds up traveling for a while and eventually settles in Nevada and sets up his business

•has a cat and that thing is SPOILED AS HELL

•tries to send Stan one of those beef jerky club memberships every year for Christmas lmaooooo

#south park #headcanons #ojv #OrangeJuiceVerse #eric cartman #Cartman hcs

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devotion-that-corrupts · 5 months

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10 Characters / 10 Fandoms / 10 Tags

pick 10 characters from 10 fandoms and tag 10 people. thank you for tagging me @ithinkthiswasabadidea :)

apparently you don't have to comment on them. HOWEVER, i love talking about my interests, and you've given me an excuse to do it, so let's go!

(not in any particular order, i love them all.)

constantin d'orsay (greedfall) baby boy. has done nothing wrong ever in his entire life. seeing him activates my knight instinct. i would fight lord and lady d'orsay for him. i would fight the high king guy for him. i would fight god for him. if he is wrong i would reshape reality to make him right. all of this to say, i love him a normal amount.

viego (league of legends / ruination / runeterra) if i had a nickel for every time a character i love was born a second son of a ruler and so was never intended to lead, yet became an heir after his brother's death, was supposed to die because of poison, had only one person he cared about deeply, in something between eternal love and obsession caused immense destruction for the sake of that person (who has never asked for any of this), had some sort of transformation during which his hair turned from fair/blond to platinum, his eye color changed, and there appeared some weird magic-related thing on his head symbolizing his becoming a villain (or, rather, making it clear that he was wrong all along), then i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice. ok, now for a more normal explanation. bringing your kingdom & then entire realm to ruin for your wife? in grief, in hopeless attempt to revive her? i love this! i love it when love turns people evil.

camilla hect (the locked tomb) i don't have coherent thoughts about her. i simply adore her with my whole heart. here's to camilla hect, yet another of devotion's casualties!!!

gale dekarios aka gale of waterdeep (baldur's gate 3) i will kill mystra.

gabrielle de lioncourt (the vampire chronicles) there is much to analyze about her background and her relationships, esp with lestat, and i am most definitely unfit for this. let me just say that if i were a vampire, i would also ditch humanity and explore some jungle instead. and probably wear men's clothes.

millions knives (trigun) unhinged codependent siblings… <3

fang runin (the poppy war) my darling girl who fell in love with the war, and nobody told her it ended. i think she should get to burn the world down, as a treat.

breezepelt (warrior cats) i am including him because he is my og blorbo. 10-year old me really looked at the worst guy ever and said yeah that's the one. my love for writing about dysfunctional families and defying religion could probably be traced back to him.

constance blackwood (we have always lived in the castle) i NEED to teleport into the world of this book and ask constance her perspective. because she knew it, i mean, she knew what must have actually happened the whole time. i wonder what she felt after the accident, and if/how her view changed since then. i wonder what she thought of her parents, and of merricat, and of the life they came to lead. we get some of it from the dialogue and interactions ofc, but it doesn't stop me from contemplating all of this.

august (the wicker king) guard dog of a boy. 'I like following him. Following orders. Doing whatever he wants.' 'I’m always going to want to be at your heels, fighting for you. Hurting myself because you tell me to.' i hope belonging to someone else brings him peace.

anyways, i had to open the book to find these quotes, and now i want to reread it all over again. let me just tag some mutuals and then i'm gonna go read.

(no pressure!) (also you don't have to elaborate on them) @kuramirocket @grin-unsettling @boygirltwins @fairylightfairlybright @drizzit @msnormandy @darkvisionvamp @gardenbastard @cjflint @pups-2-dust & anyone else who wants to :)

#i don't usually write long posts on tumblr so i'm not sure if the formatting is readable #jay talks #tag games

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ecoamerica · 23 days

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youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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odinsblog · 1 year

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how do you avoid right wingers (& centrists that use slurs) when making political posts? i want to be able to help inform other people but the nastiness i’ve received makes me want to give up. i understand why some people avoid politics entirely

Hello there, @land-shark-is-here

Honestly, I don’t avoid them. What I mean is, you can’t avoid them.

They drop into my asks just to sling the n-word at me and then they just keep strolling by like nothing happened

They’re literally out there by the tens of thousands, and they’re loud

After a while I’ve learned that instead of internalizing their vitriol or letting them get me down, the best I can really do is delete their comments and then block them (in that order - it matters). Most of these trolls are looking to ride the coattails of your posts to gain the visibility that they cannot get on their own — unless you can crush their foolishness with a particularly witty or devastatingly insightful comeback, deny them that visibility. Don’t, as they say, feed the trolls

(please see also: x, y, and z)

And even when comments and reblogs by other trolls might make it *appear* that dozens and dozens of other bloggers are expressing agreement with a troll, that is almost always an illusion. Online trolls travel in packs. Seriously. If you visit a comment troll’s blog, you will probably see the following things: their blog is almost exclusively nothing but them shitting on someone else’s posts, or they are in constant communication with other comment trolls who do the same thing, or they’re just bored conservative porn bloggers. Anyway, when a comment troll sees one of their ilk latch onto a post, they dog pile it. I have witnessed this repeatedly with pro-gun bloggers and anti-choice bloggers. I’ve seen them force some bloggers to delete some really great posts over the years, because the person felt overwhelmed and outnumbered due to being ganged up on

And learn to spot sea lions - they’re the disingenuous trolls who always seem to be interested in genuine discourse, but no matter how many times you answer their questions, somehow it’s never quite enough—that’s because their true goal is to keep peppering you with “simple” questions that require a ton of thought on your part. They could care less about your answers. Their mission is to wear you out. Death by a thousand cuts, so to speak. Their job is to remain unconvinced, no matter how much sense your replies might make. Please understand: they want you to get discouraged and give up. Because as you and others like you quit, their version of reality becomes more accepted, and they gain control of the narrative, and they eventually become the “common sense” gatekeepers, and ultimately their way of thinking will shift the Overton window ever rightwards. If we let that happen

Look, on the other hand it’s always a good idea to open ourselves to the possibility that we might be wrong. There is nothing wrong with honest and respectful debate, if that’s how you want to spend your time. No one is right all of the time. No one is wrong all of the time. We’re human. So sometimes we do need to hear what those who disagree with us are thinking. (Within reason, ofc. I’m not talking about Nazis or people who think Black people and/or LGBTQ, etc people are second class and less than human - fuck those so called “viewpoints”) If nothing else, we learn how to retort their disingenuous arguments—but that has its limits. You are not a doormat for trolls to amuse themselves

But if you dO decide to engage the trolls, it’s never a bad idea to invest in learning logical fallacies and how to debate, so that you have the skills to thoroughly deconstruct a troll’s specious arguments (and honestly I need to take my own advice here)

So unless you genuinely want to enlighten an audience with your response to a troll, my advice is to go heavy on blocking. It may take a while, but just like tending a garden, eventually you will see your online space become more de-trolled. It’s self care. It’s not living in a bubble or being a snowflake. If you spend a significant portion of your time online, please remember that you deserve some peace of mind, even in online spaces

I hope you found this helpful

Good luck

#land-shark-is-here #ask #answered #politics #advice #comment trolls #online trolls

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pintsizemama · 1 year

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Heroes & Heartbreak

Chapter 19

Summary: Javi and Ari talk about their future. Carrillo’s unconventional methods are effective, but unpopular. A new informant comes forward that may just give them the edge they need to take down Escobar.

Pairings: Javier Peña x OFC Ariana Morgan—DEA Agent and daughter of Pablo Escobar

Fandom: Narcos

Rating: Explicit 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 9,558

Warnings: language, angst, kissing, smut, PiV sex, unprotected sex, other woman drama (kind of), violence, CHARACTER DEATH, blood...let me know if I missed anything, and I’ll happily add it here!

A/N: This one is tough…if you’re familiar with the show, you know what’s coming. I hated writing this scene, but it was necessary…I think. More notes at the end.

I included conversations from the episode to help anyone who hasn’t seen it or hasn’t watched it in awhile. Sorry if it feels redundant if you’ve seen the show a million times like me.

As always, feel free to let me know if I need to correct the Spanish translations!

Chapter 18 Chapter 20 Series Masterlist Masterlist AO3 Join my taglist

Ari peeled her eyes open. They felt puffy and raw. She rubbed them in a futile effort to lessen the pain.

“Fuck,” she groaned, scraping her hand down her face. Two nights in a row of heavy drinking and soul crushing sobbing left her with a queasy stomach and a head that was about to explode. She sat up and grimaced at the pain in her shoulder. Oh, yeah. She’d also been shot yesterday. Fantastic.

She’d probably reopened the wound in her drunken stupor last night. She winced at the dried blood on her shirt. She pulled it aside to survey the damage. She frowned in confusion when she saw the crisp, clean bandage. That wasn’t the same bandage the medic had put on her. She stood up slowly, her head spinning. She glanced into the small trash bin and saw her bloody bandages from the day before. What the hell? Had she changed them herself? No way. She had been too drunk to do something like that. Steve had passed out long before her, so it wasn’t him.

Javi.

He must have done it when he got back from seeing his mystery woman. She ignored the stab of pain that accompanied those thoughts. She checked the time and realized she needed to get her ass moving if she was going to be of any use that day. She took a scalding hot shower and pounded two cups of coffee with a few over the counter pain meds, and she was good as new. Well, mostly. She sat heavily at her desk and dug into the never ending paperwork. At least that would temporality focus her mind on something other than Javier.

An hour later Javi and Steve stumbled in. They both looked rough. She knew Steve had drank himself into oblivion last night too, but she wasn’t sure what had Javi looking so beat down. He sat at his desk and shyly met her eyes.

“Good morning,” he said quietly.

“Good morning,” she returned. He continued to gaze at her with the saddest puppy dog eyes she had ever seen. She cleared her throat uncomfortably.

“Uh, thanks,” she said softly. His brow furrowed in confusion. “For changing my bandage.”

“Oh,” he whispered. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. “Yeah, no problem.” His eyes darted to her shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

“Like my head is about to explode,” she laughed softly.

“And the shoulder?” He asked.

“About as good as you’d expect,” she answered. “Just hoping Messina doesn’t put me on desk duty.” Javi nodded in understanding. His handsome face creased in deep thought. He looked like he was trying to gather the nerve to say something.

“Can we talk?” He said finally. “Later…in private?” Ari felt her throat close up in fear. Shit, this was it. He was going to give her his decision. She couldn’t push words past the lump in her throat, so she just nodded.

“Great,” Javi sighed in relief. Ari didn’t know what to make of his reaction. Was he ending things? He had to be. She never really expected him to commit to her…but why did she get the feeling that wasn’t the way things were going. Her thoughts began to spiral and she quickly threw herself into work to keep herself from launching into a full blown panic attack.

“Morgan!” Messina called out from her office.

“Shit,” Ari swore under her breath. “Guess this is where I get benched.” She stood and reluctantly made her way into the boss’s office. Messina was sitting at her desk and looked up when Ari came in.

“Take a seat,” Messina gestured to the chair in front of her desk. Ari sat down heavily. Messina watched her carefully.

“How’s the shoulder?” She asked.

“Fine,” Ari said immediately. Messina frowned.

“I think you should take some time—” Messina began.

“—I’m fine,” Ari cut in. “I don’t need time off…or time behind a desk.”

“Agent Morgan,” Messina argued, “a gunshot injury is serious, and the DEA requires—”

“—I know what the DEA requires,” Ari cut in again, agitation clear both on her face and in her voice. “I’m fully capable of working. It’s really not that bad.” Messina sighed heavily.

“Listen,” she said quietly, “I get it. You’re tough shit. You have something to prove. Believe me, I understand better than anyone. But I can’t risk you getting injured or killed because I didn’t make you take a rest.” Ari sat back in her seat, wracked in frustration.

“Just take a couple days,” Messina insisted.

“A couple days at my desk,” Ari offered in compromise. “Not a couple days off.” Messina mulled it over for a few moments.

“Fine,” she agreed, “but only if you agree that I have final say when you can get back out into the field.” Ari nodded in agreement. She really didn’t have any other choice. Messina was in charge, and Ari had to do as she was ordered. She quickly left the office and went back to her desk.

“Well?” Steve asked. Javi looked up with hope in his beautiful brown eyes.

“Desk duty for a couple days,” Ari told them.

“Shit,” Steve swore. “Could be worse, though.”

“Yeah,” Ari agreed. “Just do me a favor and don’t let anything good come in until after I’m clear, yeah?”

“I’ll do my best,” Steve laughed.

“If you don’t go, I don’t go,” Javi said. Ari’s gaze snapped to his.

“What?” She asked.

“I’ll tell Messina, if you’re benched, I’m benched,” Javi told her.

“Hell yeah,” Steve agreed with a grin. “It’s all of us or none of us.” Javi nodded in solidarity.

“You guys can’t do that,” she argued.

“Sure we can,” Javi said with a shrug.

“That’s right,” Steve added, “we’re a team. Like the Three Musketeers.”

“More like the Three Dumbasses,” Ari laughed. She sobered up and looked at her partners. “Thanks, guys…this means a lot to me.”

“Anything for you, cariño,” Javi whispered. Ari felt butterflies flutter in her stomach. Even though she was dreading the talk with Javier, his actions made her rethink the potential outcome of that conversation.

The three of them worked in relative silence for the next few hours. Steve sat back with a sigh and tossed his pen on his desk.

“I swear to God, my eyes are bleeding from all this paperwork,” he complained. “I need food. You guys want to eat something?”

“Yes, please!” Ari groaned. “I’m starving.”

“I could eat,” Javi chimed in.

“Let’s head over to that place down the street,” Steve suggested.

“Yes!” Ari agreed immediately. There was a little restaurant near headquarters that had the best food. They all stood and grabbed their guns and badges. Ari glanced up when she heard Javi whisper something to Steve. Steve smirked and nodded once. Javi shot him a grateful smile.

“I just need a few minutes,” Steve announced. “I forgot there was something I wanted to run by Messina.” He picked a file up from his desk. “I’ll meet you guys over there in fifteen?”

“Sounds good,” Javi cut in immediately. Ari frowned. They were acting weird. Steve hustled out. Ari turned to Javi to see him looking at her expectantly.

“What’s up, Jav?” She asked.

“I, uh,” Javi anxiously rubbed the back of his neck, “I was hoping we could talk.”

“Now?” She asked.

“Yeah,” he answered. “Let’s go back to our room.” Ari could only nod and follow behind him. She felt sick to her stomach. This was it. Javi was going to end things, and her heart could not take it…but she knew it would be for the best. If he couldn’t commit to her the heartbreak would be even more painful down the road. When they reached their room he opened the door and allowed her to enter first. He closed the door behind them and leaned against it. She turned to face him, forcing her face into a neutral expression.

“Something on your mind?” She asked in an even voice.

“Yeah,” he replied. “I’ve been thinking about what you said…how I needed to make a decision.” She just nodded, not trusting her voice. “I made a decision.” Ari swallowed and braced herself for the blow.

“And?” She asked quietly.

“I want you,” Javi said simply. Ari’s heart stopped. She didn’t want to dare to hope.

“You wanting me was never a question,” she replied.

“I want more with you,” he countered. Her heart kicked into overdrive. “I don’t know if I’m even capable of more…if I have it in me to be a better man, but dammit, I want to try. I can’t promise I’ll be any good at this. My last relationship ended with her left at the altar. If you can just be patient with me, I’ll do everything I can to make you happy. I want to be the man you deserve.”

“Really?” Ari whispered.

“Yes, cariño,” Javi smiled. “Let’s do this, Ari. Be with me. For real.”

“Ok,” she whispered, tears in her eyes. He cupped her jaw and pulled her in for a kiss. It was soft and sweet. Ari sighed into it, happiness filling her heart for the first time in a long time. Javi pressed his forehead to hers.

“I’m gonna be so good to you, hermosa,” he whispered. “I promise…no more bullshit from here on out. It’s you and me, sweetheart.” Ari laughed tearily.

“Sounds good, Javi,” she whispered. She pulled back slightly and glanced at her bed. “Think we have enough time?” Javi saw where she was looking and chuckled.

“Steve is waiting for us,” he reminded her. “But I already worked it out. He’s gonna give us some space tonight after work. Give Connie a call and have a nice long talk so we have the room to ourselves for a bit.”

“Perfect,” Ari said with a smile. She kissed him once more. “Let’s go. I’m starving.” They ducked out of their room and made their way out front. Steve stood there waiting for them, a cigarette in his hand.

“Well?” He asked Javi. Javi nodded. Steve’s smile was huge.

“Woo!” he shouted. He hugged Ari around the waist, picked her up, and swung them around in a circle.

“Put me down, you lunatic!” She shouted with a laugh. He set her down and stepped back.

“Sorry,” he told her. “But it’s about damn time.” He slapped Javi on the back. “Congrats, man. Don’t fuck it up.”

“I’m gonna do everything I can not to,” he told Steve.

“Good,” Steve said. “Now, let’s go get some grub.” They enjoyed a long lunch before heading back to the Holguín. Steve teased them for a bit, but they could tell he was genuinely happy for them. The rest of the day flew by in a blissful blur. Ari was floating. A huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Every time she locked eyes with Javi she couldn’t help but smile. He always returned it with one of his own. She could see the lightness in his own shoulders, the softening around his eyes. This decision had taken a lot of stress off of him too.

When it was finally time to call it quits for the day, Ari hurried to file away all her reports. She couldn’t wait to get Javi alone. Steve smirked as his partners both rushed to end their day.

“In a bit of a hurry, guys?” He teased.

“Fuck yeah,” Javi smirked. A giggle escaped Ari.

“Ready for the day to be done,” she said with a casual shrug. Steve laughed.

“Sure…sure,” he said with a smile. “‘Ready for the day to be done’…I’m sure that’s they only reason you’re about to high tail it outta here like your ass is on fire.” He glanced at his watch. “Hmm, think I’ll give Connie a call. Check in on her and the baby.” Javi laughed at Steve’s obvious attempt to play off giving them alone time.

“Tell her we said hi,” he told him before grabbing Ari’s hand and practically dragging her from the room.

“Javier!” She scolded quietly. She glanced down at their joined hands.

“Shit,” he swore and dropped her hand. “Sorry. Guess I got too excited.”

“Me too,” she admitted. “It’s been too long.”

“Fuck, yeah it has,” he agreed. It had been weeks since the last time they were together…when Ari confessed her love. Javi guided her into their room and locked the door. He turned to see her watching him.

“What?” He asked quietly. “You’re looking at me funny.”

“Just admiring the view,” she replied. “I can’t believe you’re mine.” Javi’s face softened at her confession.

“Yeah, baby, I’m yours,” he whispered and kissed her softly. He backed her up towards her bed. He reached for the hem of her shirt and pulled back from her lips to lift it over her head. She winced slightly from the wound in her shoulder.

“I need to take it easy on you tonight, hermosa,” Javi said with a nod towards her injury.

“I’m fine, Javi,” Ari assured him.

“I know you’re tough, Ari,” he said softly, “but I don’t want to hurt you, so we do this my way. Got it?” Ari nodded. She didn’t care what kind of sex they had, she just needed him. He kissed her again as he unhooked her bra. It slid down her arms and floated to the floor. Her hands came up to unbutton his shirt. He shucked it off without breaking the kiss. Their pants were removed in record time.

“No panties?” Javi asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“Just taking a page outta your book, Peña,” she panted and pulled him back in for another deep kiss. He plunged his tongue into her mouth and gripped her ass in both hands. He lifted her slightly and laid her down on the bed. When his hot naked skin touched hers completely she sighed in ecstasy.

“Fuck,” she moaned. “I love the way you feel on top of me.”

“Believe me, hermosa,” he groaned, “the feeling is mutual.” He kissed her neck and hugged her closer. “I wish I could take my time and worship you like you deserve, but Steve will be back soon.”

“It’s ok, Javi,” Ari whispered. “I need you. We’ll find time later. Just fuck me, please.” He reached down and ran his fingers through her wet center.

“You’re not kidding about needing me, cariño,” he smirked. “You’re already dripping.” He wasted no time in lining himself up and gently pushing into her warm body.

“Finally,” she sighed. He chuckled softly and began to rock in and out slowly. He pressed in and ground his pelvic bone against her clit.

“Shit,” she swore, “don’t stop doing that.”

“I’m not stopping until you come, Ariana,” Javi assured her. He kept at it for several minutes, working her up into a frenzy. The pressure building inside her was too much. She needed this release. Javi captured her mouth in a hot, passionate kiss as he ground himself against her hard, and she exploded. It was intense. She cried out and Javi buried his face in her neck. He switched from the rocking motion to deep, hard thrusts. He was chasing his own orgasm now. It didn’t take long before he swore loudly and pushed himself as deep as he could go. He groaned and filled her. Ari was still dazed and coming down from her own high.

“Fuck,” Javi whispered hoarsely. “That was incredible.”

“Mmm,” Ari agreed sleepily. That release had been cathartic. All of the stress and uncertainty that had always surrounded her relationship with Javi had melted away. He was hers and she was his. That was all that mattered now.

“We better get cleaned up before I fall asleep and Steve comes back and gets traumatized,” Ari laughed.

“Good idea,” Javi agreed. “I love Steve like my brother, but if he sees you naked, I might kill him.” Ari snorted.

“Ok, tough guy,” she replied, “let’s get dressed then. Don’t need to be cleaning up a crime scene tonight.” Javi grabbed some tissues and helped Ari clean up the mess between her thighs as best they could. They both pulled on sweat pants and T-shirts and settled into their own beds. They lay on their side facing each other.

“I’m really happy,” Ari said quietly.

“Me too,” Javi immediately replied. “I’m glad I finally got my head out of my ass before it was too late.” Ari smiled softly.

“Me too,” she said. “Good night, Javi.”

“Goodnight, Ari,” he returned with a warm smile. It didn’t take long for either of them to fall asleep. Great sex and the comfort of being close to the one they cared for did wonders for their stress levels, and they drifted off with smiles on their faces.

The next couple weeks passed in a blur of successful raids and an intense level of intimacy Javi had never known. Steve made sure to give them time alone in the bunk as often as possible, so they were having sex nearly every day. Javi was in heaven. He always thought being in a relationship would be impossible for him, but he was proving to be a much better boyfriend than he initially thought.

It was nothing like when he was with Lorraine. There was no drama with Ari. She was easy going and made him feel good. He couldn’t wait to be around her. He found himself thinking of things he could do throughout the day to show her how much she meant to him. She often found fresh coffee, her favorite foods, or a rose left for her ‘anonymously’. She would pick it up and shoot him a sly smile. Javi’s heart always warmed to see how happy she was. He was doing that. He was the one putting that smile on her face and sparkle in her eye.

Besides his new relationship, work was going extremely well. Ari had been cleared after a week of desk duty. Carrillo took a no bullshit attitude when it came to Escobar. Search Bloc and the DEA raided several of Pablo’s facilities. It was violent and bloody, but it was effective.

The only snag was one night after raiding a pool hall. Steve got separated and lost and ended up in a shady area. Thankfully, Javi and Ari found him before any harm could come to him. Messina had been hinting to them that they might get sidelined. People were not happy with Carrillo’s methods, and the Ambassador didn’t want the DEA caught up in any bad press.

She had called him earlier that day to let him know—for the time being—they needed to stay on base. They needed to clear it with her if they wanted to go off base. Javi scoffed mentally. It was bullshit. He was tired of playing politics. He wanted to catch Escobar and end this. He sat at his desk, filling out yet another report when the phone rang. He glanced up and noticed Ari and Steve weren’t around. He picked up the phone.

“Peña,” he said.

“Javi, soy Gabriela,” (Javi, it’s Gabriela) Gabby said breathily.

“¿Algo pasa?” (What’s up?) Javi replied quietly, looking around. He hadn’t seen or spoken to Gabby since the night he made his decision about Ari.

“Hace rato no te veo y quería verte,” (It’s been awhile, and I want to see you.) she told him.

“¿Ahora?” (Now?) Javi asked, looking at his watch. “Pues no puedo ahorita, estoy trabajando.” (I can’t right now, I’m working.)

“No te portes así conmigo,” (Don’t be like that with me.) Gabby begged. Javi smirked and looked around just as Steve walked in. He knew he needed to tell Gabby he wasn’t available to her anymore. He felt he owed it to her to tell her face to face.

“Dame…veinte minutos, ¿sí?” (Give me…twenty minutes, alright?) Javi told her and then hung up.

“You get the same lecture from Messina about not leaving base?” Steve asked him.

“Yeah,” Javi answered, his mind on how he was going to word his goodbye to Gabby. He quickly typed the last few lines of the report he was working on.

“Crosby must’ve really laid into her on that one,” Steve said. Javi stood and pulled the paper out of the typewriter. He shoved it into a file and quickly stubbed out his cigarette. He grabbed his gun from his desk and picked up the files. Steve watched him in silence as he grabbed his coat.

“Where you going?” He asked Javi.

“Off base,” he called out as he left.

“Okay, I guess it means, ‘fuck that’,” Steve mumbled and shook his head.

As Javi approached Gabby’s apartment, he psyched himself up for what he needed to say. He didn’t want to be a dick and hurt her, but she needed to understand whatever they had between them was done. He had felt her getting more attached to him than the girls usually do—just like Helena. He swallowed through the lump in his throat as images of the last time he saw Helena flashed through his mind. He shook it off and knocked on the door. As soon as Gabby opened it, she was on him. She pressed her lips to his. He gently pulled her away and closed the door.

“Necesitamos hablar,” (We need to talk) Javi told her. She kissed him again and pushed him up against the wall.

“Espera,” (Wait) he murmured, breaking the kiss once more. Her hands and lips on him felt so wrong, and his heart pounded in fear at crossing the line and hurting Ari. Just then he noticed another woman sitting on Gabby’s bed.

“Hola,” he said quietly, confused as to what was going on.

“Buenas,” the woman replied.

“Ella es una amiga de un amigo,” (She’s a friend of a friend) Gabby explained. “Maritza, te presento a Javier.” (Maritza meet Javier.)

“¿Y…por qué me estás presentando a una amiga de un amigo?” (And…why are you introducing me to a friend of a friend?) Javi asked with trepidation. Did she expect him to fuck her and her friend? Jesus, he needed to get out of here. He wasn’t this man anymore.

“Está en problemas,” (She’s in trouble) Gabby explained. Javi felt relief and then immediate frustration. Javi rubbed his eyebrow, agitated. “Solo escúchala.” (Just hear her out.) Javi sighed heavily.

“Chingada Madre, Gabi,” (Motherfucker, Gabby) Javi practically growled. “Me lo hubieras dicho por teléfono, no?” (You could have told me this over the phone, no?)

“Sabía que no vendrías,” (I knew you wouldn’t come) Gabby told him.

“Me voy,” (I’m leaving) Javi said irritated. He raised his hand towards Maritza. “¡Chao!”

“No, no,” Gabby said, stopping him from leaving. “Espérate. Es importante.” (Wait. It’s important.) She cupped his face gently. “Por favor. Escúchala.” (Please. Hear her out.) Javi pulled her hands off his face. He didn’t want her to touch him anymore. He’d hear this girl out, tell Gabby it was over, and get the fuck back to headquarters. Then he was gonna pull Ari into the nearest closet and fuck her stupid. He walked over to the chair next to the bed and took a seat.

“¿Cómo te llamas? Maritza?” (What’s your name? Maritza?) he asked. She nodded and he lit a cigarette. “Qué significa que estás en problemas? ¿Problemas con quien?” (What kind of trouble are you in? Who are you in trouble with?)

“La Quica,” Maritza replied.

“La Quica,” Javi repeated. “¿Conoces a La Quica?” (You know La Quica?) Maritza paused and looked at him for a moment.

“Quiere matarme,” (He wants to kill me) she answered.

“Bueno…” (Well…) Javi said, sitting back and crossing his legs nonchalantly. He really didn’t have time for this bullshit. “La Quica quiere matar a mucho gente.” (La Quica wants to kill a lot of people.) He took a drag of his cigarette and watched her closely. “¿Por qué te quiere matar a ti?” (Why does he want to kill you?)

“Porque puedo decirle dónde está Pablo Escobar,” (Because I can tell you where Pablo Escobar is) she told him. Javi looked at Gabby in shock, then back at Maritza. This girl better not be lying to him.

“¿Y cómo vas a hacer eso?” (And how are you going to do that?) He asked.

“Yo sé exactamente dónde va a estar mañana y a qué hora,” (I know exactly when and where he will be tomorrow) she replied. Javi inhaled deeply. If this girl wasn’t completely full of shit, they would have Escobar in less than twenty-four hours. Fuck. This was incredible. He stayed an hour, getting all the info he could from Maritza. He needed to get back the headquarters and tell Carrillo what he knew, but there was one more thing to take care of. He needed to tell Gabby about Ari. As soon as Maritza left, Gabby linked her arms around Javi’s neck. She tried to press her lips to his, but he pulled back. He gently removed her arms as her mouth chased his.

“¿Qué pasa?” (What’s the matter?) She asked him.

“Nosotros necesitamos hablar,” (We need to talk) Javi told her. “Ya no podemos hacer esto.” (We can’t do this anymore.)

“¿Por que no?” (Why not?) Gabby asked, a frown marring her beautiful face.

“Hay alguien... una mujer con la que he estado saliendo,” (There’s someone…a woman I’ve been seeing) he began. “Me comprometí con ella y tengo la intención de cumplirlo.” (I’ve made a commitment to her, and I intend to honor it.)

“Ari?” Gabby asked. Javi’s jaw slackened in surprise.

“¿Cómo sabes acerca de Ari?” (How do you know about Ari?) he asked.

“La última vez que estuvimos juntos, gritaste su nombre,” (The last time we were together, you called out her name) she told him.

“¿Hice?” (I did?) he asked quietly.

“Sí,” Gabby replied. “Me sorprendió. El amor no correspondido no parece algo con lo que lidiarías.” (I was surprised. Unrequited love doesn't seem like something you would deal with.)

“No es así...” (It’s not like that…) Javi began. He quickly cut himself off. He didn’t owe her any further details about Ari. “No importa. Estoy con ella ahora. ya no puedo verte.” (It doesn't matter. I'm with her now. I can't see you anymore.)

“Ok, Javi,” Gabby said. Sadness crept over her features. “Te deseo lo mejor. Y espero que ella te haga feliz.” (I wish you the best. And I hope she makes you happy.)

“Ella hace,” (She does) Javi said immediately.

“Cuídate,” (Take care) she said and pressed a final kiss to his cheek.

“Tú también,” (You too) Javi whispered. He quickly left. He needed to get this information to Carrillo immediately.

Ari glanced up from her desk when she saw Javi rushing into headquarters.

“Where have you been?” She called out to him.

“Got a tip!” He replied. He passed by them to head straight to Carrillo’s office. Ari turned her attention to Steve.

“Must be good,” he muttered.

“Let’s go find out,” Ari insisted. They pushed back from their desks and followed Javi to Carrillo’s office. Before they could even enter he called out to them.

“Princesa! Murphy!” He shouted. “Grab Trujillo and meet us in the briefing room.” Ari nodded to him and the two of them changed course to get Trujillo. Ten minutes later they were all set up and heard Javi and Carrillo walking quickly their way.

“Her name is Maritza Rincón,” Javi was telling Carrillo as he handed him a picture of Maritza. “She works at the market across from the brothel where the girls were killed. Where we almost had La Quica and the other guy…” He handed over another picture. “Jhon Burgos. Goes by ‘Limón’. He used to drive the girls around until La Quica made him Escobar’s chauffeur. This girl, Maritza, was actually in the back seat serving as a cover while Escobar was in the fucking trunk.” Ari smirked at the image of her father hiding in the trunk of a taxi. It was genius, but so demeaning for a man of power.

“And he knows her how?” Carrillo asked.

“They grew up together here,” Javi answered. Carrillo scoffed softly. They walked into the small office where Ari, Steve, and Trujillo were waiting for them.

“So this guy, Limón,” Carrillo said, “there’s no record of him. There’s no known connection between him and Escobar, yet somehow he ends up the driver.”

“Makes sense for La Quica to hire someone the police didn’t know about,” Steve spoke up. “What does she want out of this? A ticket to Disneyland?”

“She knows she doesn’t get shit if it doesn’t pan out,” Javi replied.

“Si es verdad, ella nos puede decir cuando Limón vaya con Escobar a algún lado,” (If this is true, she can tell us when Limón and Escobar go somewhere) Trujillo interjected. Carrillo twisted his lips, mulling over the information. He looked to Javi.

“You were there,” Carrillo said. “You trust her?” Everyone turned to look at Javi. Ari flinched slightly at Carrillo’s words. You trust her? Her. Was Javi still meeting with prostitutes. He claimed he had stopped ever since he committed to her…but had he really? Javi wanted to bring down Escobar more than anything. Would he jeopardize what they had to win this war?

“Yeah,” Javi said softly. “Yeah I do.” Carrillo stayed quiet. It was clear he was weighing the options.

“When we get the location, I want Centra Spike up in the air to confirm,” he told them. He turned to Trujillo. “Vamos.” (Let’s go) The two left the office.

“Alright,” Javi said. “This is good.”

“Let’s go,” Steve said, excited. Ari got close to Javi for the first time since he’d returned. Her stomach roiled when she breathed him in. Vanilla. That was the exact way he always smelled when he came back from seeing his mystery woman. Fuck. What the hell had he done to get this information?

“You gonna wait for the call?” Steve asked him as they approached their desks.

“Yeah,” Javi said. “Not much else to do until we can confirm it all.” The three of them took their seats and tried to keep themselves busy waiting for Maritza to call. Ari kept glancing at the file on Javi’s desk. Maritza’s photo lay there, taunting her. Was this the woman Javi had been sleeping with? Was Maritza the one he turned to instead of her? Her thoughts were eating her alive. She stood quickly. She had to get out of there before she lost her shit.

“Where you going?” Steve asked, startled by her sudden movement.

“I…uh, I gotta do something more productive,” she muttered. “The suspense is killing me.” She turned to leave.

“Cariño,” Javi said softly. She faced him slowly. “You alright?”

“Yeah, fine, great,” she replied quickly and took off. Ari sought out the only other person she could talk to. She breezed into Carrillo’s office and sat down heavily in the chair in front of his desk. He was sitting behind the desk, writing something.

“Everything alright, princesa?” He asked, concern heavy in voice.

“Yes—no…I don’t know,” she sighed. He set his pen down and stood. He walked over and sat in the chair next to her.

“Talk to me,” he insisted.

“It’s probably nothing,” she brushed off. “I’m just being dramatic.”

“Ariana, you are the least dramatic person I know,” he chided. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Javi,” she admitted. “You know we’ve been giving this a chance.” Carrillo nodded. She had confided in him the day after Javi made his commitment. Carrillo was thrilled that she was finally being treated the way she deserved. “It’s been great…amazing. But today, something is off.” Carrillo took her hand in his.

“How so?” He asked.

“The information that Javi got today,” she explained. “When he came back with it he smelled like vanilla. That’s the way he always smelled after visiting the woman he had been seeing since they moved us to Medellín.”

“You think he went to see her?” Carrillo asked with a scowl.

“I think maybe she’s the one who gave up the tip,” Ari replied.

“Maritza Rincón?” Ari nodded.

“It makes sense, right?” Ari asked. “Why else would he say he trusts her? He’s spent countless hours with her—intimate hours.”

“And why does this trouble you?” Carrillo pressed. “He could have just been there for information.”

“I know,” Ari said guiltily. “And I feel like shit for doubting him, but what if it wasn’t just an innocent meeting?”

“Ask him,” Carrillo said simply. “Peña has never lied to you. I doubt he’ll start now.”

“I’m not sure if I want the answer,” Ari whispered, worrying her lip between her teeth.

“Yes, you do, princesa,” Carrillo said softly. He cupped her face. “I know you. This will tear you up inside. Talk to Peña. He’s an idiot, but I don’t think even he is stupid enough to fuck this up now that he has you.” Ari laughed tearily.

“Thanks, Horacio,” she said softly. They sat quietly for a few moments. “So…we may actually get Escobar tomorrow.”

“I hope so,” Carrillo replied. “I’m ready to be done with this.”

“Me too,” Ari agreed.

“If this pans out, I want you by my side when we take him down,” Carrillo told her.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” Ari answered with a smile. “I‘ll let you get back to work. Thanks for talking me off the ledge.”

“Anytime,” Carrillo returned her smile. She left his office feeling a bit lighter. She didn’t want to doubt Javi’s loyalty. She would talk to him once everything settled down.

The next day Escobar was preparing his men for their next move.

“¿Todo está listo para esta noche?” (Everything is set for tonight?) Escobar asked Velasco.

“Sí, patrón,” Velasco replied.

“Y mi hija… ¿definitivamente no estará con ellos?” (And my daughter…she definitely won’t be with them?) Escobar asked. He absolutely refused to move forward with he plan if there was any chance Ariana would be involved.

“Ella no estará allí,” (She won’t be there) he assured him. “Nuestro contacto dijo que a la DEA ya no se le permite salir a las redadas con Carrillo. El embajador no quiere la reacción violenta de su mierda.” (Our contact said the DEA is no longer allowed out on raids with Carrillo. The ambassador doesn’t want the backlash from his bullshit.)

“Bueno,” (Good) Escobar said softly. “No quiero ponerla en peligro. Si algo cambia, si hay incluso un susurro de posibilidad de que Ariana esté allí, nos retiramos. ¿Comprendido?” (I don’t want to put her in danger. If something changes—if there’s even a whisper of a chance Ariana will be there, we pull out. Understood?) Velasco nodded. “Quiero deshacerme de Carrillo, pero no a costa de mi hija.” (I want to get rid of Carrillo, but not at the expense of my daughter.)

“Nos encargaremos de eso, patrón,” (We’ll take care of it, boss) Velasco said. “Ari no saldrá lastimado. Y finalmente nos desharemos de esa escoria.” (Ari won’t be hurt. And we’ll finally get rid of that scum.) Escobar nodded.

“Vamos,” (Let’s go) he ordered.

Alternate version of the rest of the chapter available here

Messina arrived from Bogotá just before the call came through. Carrillo, Messina, Peña, Murphy, Ari, and Jacoby gathered together to hear the recording.

“This was recorded about five minutes ago,” Jacoby said. A garbled mess came through the radio.

“You can barely fucking hear it,” Javi growled angrily.

“Alright,” Jacoby said calmly, “let me clean it up.” He messed around a bit and then played it again.

“Bien. Apaguen los teléfonos satelitales.” (Alright. Now turn off the satellite phones.)

They all looked at each other in shock. Steve threw his hands up.

“That’s Pablo,” Javi said.

“We have to move now,” Carrillo said urgently.

“Yeah,” Javi agreed. They all moved, but Messina’s words stopped them.

“You three are staying here,” she told the DEA agents.

“Now, you gotta be fucking kidding me,” Javi spat.

“Crosby finds out you went on another raid, we all get a ticket home,” Messina warned.

“Crosby doesn’t have to know shit,” Steve argued. Messina stood.

“It’s not negotiable,” Messina declared. “Crosby does not want any Americans associated with the actions of Colonel Carrillo at this time.” Carrillo looked at each of them. His eyes made contact with Ari.

“Agent Morgan can come with us,” he told Messina, eyes still locked on Ari.

“Excuse me?” Messina scoffed.

“Ariana is also a Colombian citizen,” he replied. He turned his attention to Messina. “She doesn’t have to hold to the same restrictions as other Americans.”

“If she doesn’t want to piss off the Ambassador and get sent home she does,” Messina argued.

“She won’t be going as an American DEA agent,” Carrillo countered. “She’d be in my gear. A Colombian doing her duty to her country.” He paused and looked back at Ari. “If anything goes sideways, they won’t be any record of the DEA there.”

“This is a slippery slope,” Messina warned. She turned to Ari. “The possible blowback is beyond my control.” Carrillo stepped in front of Ari.

“The decision is yours,” he said softly. “I know how badly you want this. But I understand if you aren’t willing to risk everything you’ve worked for.” Ari looked to Javi and Steve.

“It’s alright, Ari,” Steve assured her. They all wanted to be there, but they’d be happy to have at least one of them able to participate. Her gaze met Javi’s. He looked terrified. She knew he hated when they were separated in dangerous situations. She wanted this. God damn it, she wanted this. But Steve and Javi had always stuck by her side, and she would do the same for them. All or none.

“I’m staying here,” she told Carrillo.

“Alright, princesa,” he murmured. “I will see you when it is all over.” Ari nodded. As Carrillo turned, she grabbed him and threw her arms around his neck. She hugged him tightly.

“Be safe,” she pleaded. She pulled back slightly. “Now, go get that motherfucker.” Carrillo smiled.

“See you soon, princesa,” he said. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and pulled out of her embrace.

“We’ll be in radio contact,” he told them before leaving.

“Jesus,” Javi muttered. His frustration was palpable. They all wanted to be there, but once again, their hands were tied. Within minutes the CNP was mobile and Trujillo was keeping them updated via radio.

“Vamos por San Juan,” (We’re on San Juan) Trujillo called through the radio.

“Copy that,” Steve responded. “Watch your six, guys.” He paused a moment. “How’s it looking out there?”

“Todo está tranquilo,” (Everything’s calm) Trujillo replied. “Murphy, esta noche los tragos los pagas tú.” (Murphy, you’re buying the drinks tonight.) Steve chuckled.

“You cheap bastards,” he joked. “Don’t forget to pick me, Peña, and Ari up some cigars on the way.”

“¿Cómo no, rubio?” (Of course, blondie.) Trujillo laughed. Suddenly the sounds of an explosion burst from the radio. The DEA agents looked at each other in fear.

“¡Es una emboscada!” (It’s an ambush!) Trujillo shouted into the radio. Javi grabbed the radio from Steve.

“¡Carrillo, conteste!” (Carrillo, respond!) Javi called in a panic. “¡Carrillo! ¡Trujillo! ¿Me copian?” (Do you copy?) The only answer was gunfire.

“What the fuck is happening?” Ari yelled.

“Goddamnit,” Steve yelled into the radio, “speak to me, Trujillo!” He turned to Messina. “We need fuckin people in there!” He whispered angrily.

“Carrillo!” Javi called once more. They got no response. “Fuck!”

“We need to get out there!” Ari gasped. Her heart was pounding in her ears. What the fuck had happened? She felt the familiar tingle of a panic attack and quickly took calming breaths. She couldn’t lose it now. She needed to get to Carrillo.

As soon as they arrived on scene, Javi knew there was no hope. It was a fucking massacre. Ari dashed out of the car as soon as Steve stopped.

“Horacio!” She yelled. Her head flew from side to side, her eyes scanning the carnage looking for her best friend. “Horacio!” She ran forward through the wreckage.

“Ari! Wait!” Steve shouted. Javi and Steve rushed after her, guns drawn. They had no idea if Escobar’s men were still around. This could be another ambush. Ari ignored them and continued looking for her friend.

“Horacio!” She shouted desperately. “Fuck! Answer me!” Steve and Javi skidded to a stop as they caught up to her. “Where is he?” She pleaded with them. Javi’s heart broke at the panic in her eyes. They heard a groan coming from the truck next to them. Steve carefully peered in. He pulled back and wrenched the door open.

“Trujillo!” He half yelled in a panic.

“Shit!” Javi swore and hurried to help Steve pull their friend from the vehicle.

“Are you alright? What the hell happened, man?” Steve asked Trujillo once they had him out and on the pavement. They propped him up against the side of the truck. They all crouched down beside him. He was bleeding from a gunshot wound to the shoulder. Steve put pressure on it.

“It was an ambush,” Trujillo told them. “We never stood a chance.”

“Where’s Carrillo?” Ari asked him, her voice raspy with fear. Trujillo looked at her for a long, silent moment. He swallowed and pointed behind them. Ari’s head snapped around, her eyes frantically darting about looking for the colonel. When she spotted him a small, wounded sound escaped her lips. Javi flinched at the amount of pain in that one little noise. She stood up and stumbled forward.

“Horacio?” She called out quietly. It was such a shift from her previous frantic yelling. It was as if she was afraid…like if he didn’t answer she could blame it on her lower voice, not the fact that he could no longer answer anyone. Javi followed behind her. Steve opted to stay with Trujillo. After a few steps Javi saw Carrillo. He was lying in the middle of the road, on his back, and he wasn’t moving.

“Ari, wait,” Javi tried to stop her. He didn’t want her to have to see her best friend like this. “Ari! Stop!” She didn’t listen. She kept moving forward, her eyes glued to Carrillo’s still form.

“Horacio?” She whispered when she reached him. She dropped down to her knees and reached towards him tentatively. Javi stood beside her. Carrillo was riddled with bullets, but it was the wounds in his head that made it obvious he was already gone.

“Horacio,” Ari choked out. She began to shake him, as if she could rouse him from his eternal slumber. “Horacio, please…open your eyes.”

“Ari,” Javi said softly. He knelt down next to her. “He’s gone, cariño.” He gently grasped her shoulders from behind. She shook him off angrily.

“No!” Ari shouted. “No, he can’t be. Horacio!” She grabbed the colonel’s shoulders and shook him harder. “Dammit! Don’t fucking do this to me! Horacio!” Her eyes passed over his still features.

“Horacio,” she whispered brokenly. “Come back…please, come back.” Her voice cracked on the last word and she collapsed against his chest. Her body wracked with violent sobs. Between sobs Javi heard her brokenly chanting ‘come back’ while she gently shook Carrillo’s body.

“Ari—” Javi choked. His heart clenched at the deep, soul wrenching pain radiating off the woman he loved. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to take this pain from her, but he couldn’t. He was helpless to watch as she shattered completely. He gently rubbed her back and stroked her hair as she cried. He saw Steve and Trujillo approach in his peripheral.

“Shit,” Steve swore quietly. He hovered slightly over Ari. He was at just as much of a loss as Javi about what to do in the moment. Javi glanced up to see Steve’s eyes were just as glossy as his own. They grieved their friend, but it hit them harder to see Ari so broken. She was a warrior—the strongest woman they knew. They didn’t know what to do.

“It was Escobar,” Trujillo said in a low voice. Javi and Steve’s heads snapped to him. “Pablo shot him.” Ari suddenly went very still.

“Escobar pulled the trigger?” Ari asked in a watery voice.

“Yes,” Trujillo answered. Ari’s tortured, tear streaked face lifted to theirs.

“How the fuck am I supposed to—“ she paused and took a breath. She turned back to Carrillo and caressed the side of his face. “My father did this to him.” She choked on a sob. “He didn’t send out an order…he pulled the trigger himself. My father murdered my best friend.” Javi knew Ari had always kept up walls in her mind when it came to Escobar. It was impossible for her to navigate the complicated web that was having Escobar as her father.

He suspected it was easier in her mind to focus on the fact that most of the evil deeds were never directly done by Escobar himself. He gave the orders—which still made him evil—but he didn’t actually commit any of the crimes. There was a barrier there—a kind of imaginary shield between him and the horrors that were being done. He wondered if Ari kept up that illusion to ease her mind, and made it seem like the man that had sired her wasn’t quite as evil as they all thought. But this…well, there was no deluding anyone about this. Escobar hadn’t just ordered this ambush. He had participated. He had murdered Carrillo. Ari couldn’t gloss over this fact in her mind, no matter how hard she tried. Javi hated that she was being put through this. He gently cupped her face.

“That man is not your father, Ariana,” he said in a soft, but firm voice. “He is a sperm donor and a monster. Never your father.” He searched her eyes, praying his words would penetrate her grief. He rubbed his thumb across her cheek bone. They heard sirens approaching in the distance. She pulled away from Javi’s hands and rested her head against Carrillo’s chest.

“I’m sorry, Horacio,” she whispered brokenly. “I should have come with you…maybe I could have changed this outcome somehow…” She trailed off and broke down crying once more. Javi knelt next to her feeling completely helpless. Backup arrived and chaos ensued. Trujillo was pulled away by a medic to take care of his gunshot wound. Steve and Javi tried to help the authorities make some sense of the mess. Javi’s attention kept pulling back to Ari.

She hadn’t moved or spoken since her whispered apology to her best friend. She still lay on his chest. At first he could still see her shoulders shaking with quiet sobs, but now, she was still. If it wasn’t for the slight rise and fall of her chest with each breath he would think she was dead right along side Carrillo. Hell, maybe she was. Not physically, but in every way that mattered. His girl was just a shell of herself right now.

Every time someone made their way towards her, Javi intervened and told them to give her some more time. He was trying to allow her as long as possible to say goodbye, but he knew her time was running out. The other bodies had been cleared, and they needed to transport Carrillo’s body to Bogotá.

“We gotta move him soon,” Steve said quietly. “They’re not gonna wait much longer.” He nodded his head towards the men tasked with transporting the colonel’s body.

“I know,” Javi said. “Fuck.” He clenched his jaw in determination. “I’ll tell her.”

“I’m right behind you,” Steve assured him. They cautiously approached Ari and knelt down beside her.

“Ari,” Javi said softly. He placed his hand on her back and rubbed it soothingly. “It’s time to go.” She didn’t respond. “Baby, they need to take Carrillo now.” Her fingers tightened on Carrillo’s shirt. Her eyes squeezed shut and a single tear trailed down her cheek. A small, agonized whimper escaped her mouth.

Javi had only cried once since he became a man—when his mother died. But that sound that just came out of the woman he loved had him blinking back tears. It would have sent him to his knees if he wasn’t already there.

“Sweetheart,” he choked out, “please, I know you don’t want to, but you have to let him go.” Ari still didn’t respond. He placed his hand over hers. She was still gripping Carrillo’s shirt tightly. “It’s alright, baby, just let go…it’ll be ok.” He put a little pressure on her fingers, hoping she would loosen her grip. Her hand clenched as she tightened her fingers more.

“Ari,” Steve cut in quietly. “They’ve waited as long as they could. They need to take him now.” Javi felt anger surge in his chest. She needed more time. Couldn’t these assholes wait a little longer? He glanced up to see the paramedics waiting patiently with the gurney. The look on their faces said it all. They didn’t want this. They weren’t assholes. They didn’t want to pull Ari away from Carrillo anymore than Javi and Steve did. They were just doing their job…and they had more than generous in allowing Ari her time to grieve. Javi nodded to them once in understanding.

“Alright, hermosa,” he said in a much stronger voice than he thought he was capable of at the moment. “It’s time to go.” He gripped her shoulders tight and pulled her back.

“No!” Ari whimpered, pushing against his hold, trying to stay with Carrillo.

“No, Ari,” he said sternly. “You have to let go.” He glanced at Steve to help. Steve pried her fingers open as Javi held her back. Once her grip was loose, they both dragged her back from his body.

“No!” She shouted. “Stop, please!” She was sobbing uncontrollably. She thrashed in their arms, trying desperately to get back to Carrillo.

“I can’t just leave him here…please, let me go,” she begged.

“I can’t do that, cariño,” Javi said softly. “They need to take him.”

“I can’t leave him here like this,” Ari sobbed. Javi hauled her to her feet and hugged her back against his chest. He held her tightly, his arms banded across her chest and low on her waist. He dipped his head down to her ear.

“We’re not leaving him here, Ari,” Javi whispered. “They’re taking him home. They’re taking him back to Juliana.”

“They are?” She whispered. He nodded against her head.

“Yeah, baby,” he assured her. “He’s going home…it’s alright. He’s not going to be alone.” Ari bit her lip as tears leaked from her eyes. She nodded.

“Ok,” she croaked out. “Ok.” The three of them stood in silence as they loaded up Carrillo’s body on the gurney.

“I’ll go back to Bogotá with the body until the funeral,” Steve told them.

“No, I’m going,” Ari argued.

“Not tonight, Ari,” Steve told her. Ari was already shaking her head.

“I’m going with him.” She insisted.

“You’re in no condition to deal with this, Ari,” Steve said firmly. “They said only one of us can accompany him, and there is no way in hell you should be alone right now.”

“Agent Morgan?” One of the paramedics approached them cautiously.

“What?” Javi barked at the poor woman.

“Officer Trujillo sent me over,” she said in heavily accented English. “He wanted me to look over Agent Morgan.” Ari stood numbly watching Carrillo. Javi nodded and watched as they paramedic gently led Ari to a nearby ambulance. She sat her on the open back and began checking her vitals. Steve lit a cigarette.

“Steve,” Javi said, “Maybe we should let her go.” Steve cut him a look.

“You really think she needs to be sitting with her best friend’s body for the next few hours, Jav?” Steve asked him quietly. “She doesn’t need that shit right now. She needs you.” Javi nodded.

“You��re right,” Javi replied. “You go with Carrillo. I’ll take care of our girl.” Javi stared at Carrillo’s body. They were loading him into the ambulance to transport him to the airport.

“They call his wife?” Javi asked in a raspy voice. Steve tossed his cigarette.

“Yeah,” he said, “she’s on her way from Madrid.” He turned his back on the scene. “This ain’t on you, Javi. It’s on Escobar. And one way or another, he pays.”

“We all do,” Javi said softly. “Right?” Steve didn’t respond and got into the ambulance with Carrillo. Javi heard a commotion behind him. Ari was pushing the paramedic off her and running towards Carrillo.

“Ari, stop!” He called out and grabbed her as she passed him.

“Where’s he going?” Ari asked. “I told him I was going with Carrillo.”

“Steve’s gonna take care of it tonight,” Javi told her.

“No,” she whimpered. “I need to be with him.”

“That’s not him, cariño,” Javi said gently. “Not anymore. It’s just his shell.”

“But…” Ari trailed off, not sure what to say, the fight going out of her.

“It’s ok, amor,” Javi whispered. He hugged her tight to his chest. “Let’s get out of here.” Ari nodded numbly. Javi led her back to their truck and helped her in. He buckled her seat belt and went around the driver’s side. She was quiet the whole ride back to headquarters. She just stared out the window. He walked her through the building, ignoring the looks of everyone they passed. Once they were safely inside their room he carefully undressed her down to her panties and bra and tossed her clothes in a pile for trash—they were covered in Carrillo’s blood.

“Do you want to shower?” He asked her quietly. She didn’t respond. He grabbed some tissues and cleaned the smears of blood on her hands and face the best he could. He grabbed one of his t-shirts and pulled it over her head. He sat her on the edge of her bed and crouched down in front of her.

“Ari?” He asked, trying to catch her eyes with his own. He grasped her hands. “Ari, baby, look at me, please.” No response.

“Fuck…I’m so sorry, cariño,” he whispered. “This is all my fault.” Ari’s eyes were unfocused, faraway. Nothing he said was getting through to her. She was lost in her grief, a thousand miles away. Javi lifted her hands to his mouth and kissed them. He let go and stood up. He watched her for a moment, unsure of what to do. Finally he decided to lay her down on the bed and let her rest. He pulled the blanket up to her shoulders and kissed her gently on the lips.

“I’m right here if you need me,” he whispered. He sat at the desk near her bed and poured a glass of whiskey. Ari rolled to her side, facing away from him. Javi lit a cigarette and watched her. Her breathing was even, but he doubted she was asleep. He didn’t know how long he sat there before there was a knock on the door. He realized he hadn’t touched his whiskey or his cigarette. Messina let herself in and walked over. She perched on the back on the arm chair near the desk.

“This isn’t your fault, Peña,” she said gently.

“No?” Javi whispered.

“No,” she responded immediately. Javi raised his glass.

“I got played,” he said quietly.

“We all got played,” Messina said. Javi downed the rest of the whiskey in his glass. “We all had the information, it was backed up by Centra Spike.”

“Stop,” Javi interrupted her. He couldn’t take this right now. This was all his fault. Carrillo was dead because he trusted the wrong source. He rubbed his face. “Just…” he whispered and shook his head. “You know, you come in here, you say all the right things.” His hand was shaking. “Doesn’t make a damn bit of difference.” Messina watched him a moment and then nodded. She glanced at Ari.

“How is she?” Messina asked.

“How do you think?” He countered. Messina nodded once more.

“Colonel Carrillo’s funeral will be tomorrow,” she told him before she walked over and opened the door.

“I don’t do funerals,” he responded as she left. “ I don’t do funerals.” He whispered once more. He saw Ari’s shoulders shaking. He put his cigarette out and went to her. She was crying again. He slipped under the blanket and pulled her back against him.

“It’s alright, cariño,” he whispered against her hair. “I’m here…let it all out. I’m not going anywhere.” He held her through the night. Neither one of them slept, nor did they have the desire to succumb to their usual coping mechanisms of cigarettes, alcohol, or sex. They just held each other tight, waiting for the dawn.

A/N: Don’t hate me! I didn’t want to kill Carrillo. In fact, I have written an alternate version of the end of this chapter for those of us who don’t wish to say goodbye to our beloved Colonel. I’ll post it soon.

Chapter 20

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avengerscompound · 2 years

Text

The Tower - Loss and Grief

The Tower: Loss and Grief - one shot

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 2776

Warnings: Death, Funerals

Synopsis: The group lose Rhodey and have to come to terms with the fact they will outlive all their friends.

Author’s Note: Requested by Jaredwalker94 on AO3. You can send in your requests too.

Loss And Grief

Takes place between Family and Happily Ever After

Losing people is never easy and you never get used to it, even if the ones you are closest to don’t really age. Over the years we’d lost lots of people as well as our pets. The loss could hit differently depending on who it was.

The pets were who we lost first. First Spotty, who made it to 12, and then Tyr a couple of years after that. We had loved them so much and most of the kids didn’t know a world where they didn’t have those dogs with them. We all grieved them immensely, but you expect to outlive your dogs, and we could see it coming with each of them and we were able to prepare ourselves.

When my mother died, we had been expecting it. She had been unwell, and a daughter expects to outlive her mother. I grieved, but even considering the fact we’d worked hard at repairing our relationship, I found what I was grieving most was the years I didn’t get to have a mother that looked out for me, and the fact my children had lost a grandmother who had loved them in a way she had never fully managed to love me.

When one of Steve’s protegees named Jet was killed in battle, he felt it so strongly that he slipped into a depression that lasted months and none of us could seem to get through to him. His grief wasn’t just about losing someone he’d grown to love like a daughter, but the fact he blamed himself for her death. It took so long for him to work through those feelings and we all felt so helpless trying to help him through it. It was a tragic death that came out of nowhere, the kind that everyone experiences at some point in time.

The death of Nick Fury had been hard on all of us. He managed to live a long life considering, but even still, it wasn’t old age that got him, but rather a battle in space with most of the team. He’d had such a huge send-off, and it felt more like a celebration of all the things he’d achieved in his life than the sadness of his loss.

It wasn’t until I’d been part of the group that Clint had nick-named the sex-vengers for a little over thirty years, that we had a friend who we should have aged with, died of old age. Rhodey was the first of our close friends that we lost. It was surreal to watch a friend who was the same age as my husband grow old, get sick, and then pass on while we all stayed the same age. It affected Tony the most. He had these ideas of the two of them growing old together, working side-by-side, settling down at the same time. Getting old and crotchety and bitching about the youth.

In a way it happened, Rhodey and Carol Danvers had an on-again-off-again relationship that started a few years after the birth of Riley and Pietro, and the year that Billy was born, Carol gave birth to a little girl they named Niesha. For years Tony and Rhodey continued to fight side-by-side. Our kids grew up together. Rhodey was as an important and constant part of Tony’s life as he had been from the day they met at MIT. It was just that Rhodey reached the Murtaugh age where he kept complaining about being too old for things, while Tony was still running around like Riggs. Then he retired and Tony was still juggling Avenging, running Stark Industries, and raising kids.

When Rhodey got sick, I think it was when it really hit Tony. He was going to outlive his best friend by not just a few years, but millennia.

Rhodey passed away in his sleep while Tony was home with us, and Carol was staying with Niesha. The nurse said sometimes people waited until they were alone. That bit of knowledge hadn’t helped Tony at all. He jumped straight into the anger stage of grief and took it out on himself. He was so fucking mad at himself for not being there with him at the end, and it seemed to drive him into this frantic organization phase. Rhodey had made it to be the secretary of defense in his career. and the funeral was going to be a huge event.

Riley and Pietro had come down from Asgard for the funeral, and the whole family had gone to DC where it was being held. That meant that we had booked out every suite in the Waldorf Astoria just to fit us in. It also meant that we had to split up between the rooms. I was in the presidential suite sharing a bed with Tony and Bruce, while Marya took the second bedroom. When I woke up the morning of the funeral, it was just me and Bruce in the bed.

I got up to go looking for him, following the thread that connected me to him. He wasn’t in the suite anymore and I had to follow it down to the fitness center. I found him running on one of the treadmills, staring out the window with a scowl on his face. I came up beside him and leaned against the machine. “Couldn’t sleep?”

He didn’t say anything, but he turned up the machine. “Come on, old man,” I said. “We need to go and get ready.”

“I can’t do it,” he said. “Go without me. I can’t stand up and talk about how much he meant to me when I still look like this. It’s not fair. It’s not fair that I have to keep going on and on and on and he gets taken like this. Why should it be different for him as it is for me? I’d sound like a fucking hypocrite.”

“Tony,” I said, frowning. “Life isn’t fair. Nothing about it is. These things you’re feeling now - they were what I was worried about when I agreed to bond with you all in the first place. The idea of losing Clarke is devastating for me. It’s not fair you had to watch Rhodey grow old when you haven’t been. But you loved him and he loved you and if you don’t come today and say goodbye, you’ll regret it. Think about how you feel now about not being there when he went.”

“It’s going to keep happening,” he said. It’s Rhodey today. Then what? Coulson? Hill? Peter?”

“All of them,” you agreed. “And it sucks. It’s always going to suck. But we’ll have each other. Won’t we? We’ll be there for each other when it happens. And when it’s me that’s the one that’s completely devastated, you’ll be there for me. We all loved Rhodey. Let us be there for you. And you be there for us. And Neisha. She needs her Uncle Tony today.”

I was crying by the time I was done speaking. He turned off the treadmill and stopped running it, letting it roll him to the end as it slowed and then stopped. “I should have just taken off.”

“You know I have Synergy with me. I would have found you,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said. “I suppose you would have.”

“Come on. We have to shower and get dressed before we meet everyone for breakfast. And they have lobster waffles.”

He got off and put his arm around my waist. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and we went back up to our suite.

After breakfast with the family, we took several cars to the hall where the service was taking place. We took our seats at the front with Carol and Neisha, and when everyone was seated a stripped-down version of Kiss’ War Machine started to play. I couldn’t help but smile at the very personal and quite silly touch that had been added to the funeral. Everyone stood as six air force officers carried Rhodey’s coffin down the aisle between the seating, held on their shoulders and with the US Flag draped over it. When the coffin was placed on the stand amongst the flowers and a photo of him in his prime, dressed in his blue dress uniform, everyone took their seats and Thor moved up to the plinth.

“Let us take a few deep breaths to prepare ourselves. Breathe deeply and remember the love you have and the joy you share,” he said and lowered his head. He took three deep breaths and the crowd followed with him, centering ourselves. He raised his head again and looked out at the crowd. “And so we begin. Friends, family, admirers, and loved ones, we are here today to remember a remarkable man. James Rhodes grew up poor in Philadelphia and was subject to many hardships, yet he was focused and driven and he fought hard to get where he wanted to be in life. He made it to MIT on a scholarship, and then joined the Air Force. He rose in the ranks quickly due to his skills and intelligence, and when Tony Stark created a suit of armor and became the hero Iron Man, Rhodey followed on with a suit of his own that he called War Machine. He won the heart of the remarkable woman, Major Carol Danvers, and they had a daughter together. He was well loved, and well respected, and was one of those rare people who left a mark on all who knew him. I now invite his family and friends to speak.”

Neisha got up first. The twenty-five-year-old was such an even blend of both her parents. She had inherited her mother’s powers and both of their determination and intelligence. Today she wore a black two-piece suit with a tapered vintage jacket that reached her knees. Her black curls were held back from her face with a black scarf that wrapped around her neck and draped over her shoulder.

“My dad was the best dad. He wasn’t perfect by any means - what man is? But he loved me, and he did his best, and that’s all that anyone can ask. He was protective - sometimes to the point that you might call him a helicopter parent, which was funny considering I was born with invulnerability and the ability to fly. It was pretty funny as a kid, being told to be careful when climbing a tree when falling out of it wouldn’t particularly hurt.

“Still, as protective as he could be, he never held me back from reaching my potential. I was told to be careful, not no. Sometimes he’d hover over me or explain why something was a bad idea. Sometimes he’d make me stop and talk through a plan and he’d discuss the risks of that plan. I never felt like there was a thing in the universe that I couldn’t do if I put the work in. And when you’re parents are James Rhodes and Carol Danvers, those sights can be set really high.”

She stopped and wiped the tears from her cheeks, and I did the same, taking a moment to get out some kleenex from my handbag and wipe my face. She took a deep breath before she continued. “He made sure I got to just be a kid, and that I knew there would always be people there to protect me - usually it was him. I love my dad, and the only thing I would change would be that he decided to have me sooner because I hate that I only got to have him in my life for 25 years. I’m going to miss him every day for the rest of my life, but I was blessed to have him for the time I did. I love you, dad.”

She went to sit back down, but Carol got up and hugged her, holding her close and nuzzling into her hair. When they broke apart, Carol went up to the podium. “What can I say about James Rhodes?” she said. “He is the most remarkable man I’ve ever met, and I’m surrounded by remarkable people. He is the only person I could have ever imagined settling down with because he was the only person who never expected me to. It’s no secret that our relationship was on again/off again. When we broke up it was never because we weren’t getting along, it was always because we were giving each other the space to achieve something separate from the relationship. They never felt like actual breakups, more that we were taking time to be together apart.

“You all know about his achievements. His Ph.D. from MIT. His impressive military career. War Machine. But only the blessed few got to experience the man on a personal level. He was the kind of man who believed in tough love. He didn’t let people get away with shit and if they were wrong, he made sure they knew it. He was as loyal as a person could be and expected the same kind of loyalty back. He was supportive and stubborn and so fucking smart. Not just book smart either. He was street smart, emotionally smart, and smart in all the ways a person can be. I loved him so fucking much, and I will continue to love him until the end of time. We had a life together. A family. He gave me a daughter when I never expected to be a mother. The world is not as bright without him in it.”

She came to sit down and I gave Tony’s arm a rub. He wiped his eyes and got up. I had never seen him so nervous about giving a speech before. He tapped his fingers on the podium as he centered himself. “Rhodey was my best friend. No - he was more than that. He was the brother I never had. I have a lot of people in my life I’m close with, but the thing I had with Rhodey was special and can’t be compared to the other relationships in my life.

“I was fifteen when I met Rhodey, and let me tell you, he was not exactly happy about the rich, entitled, white kid, coming in and latching on to him. But I am incredibly charming and it wasn’t long until whatever trouble I was getting up to, he wasn’t far behind shaking his head. I loved him so fucking much, I think if he had been in any way attracted to men, I’d have settled down a lot sooner and ended up having a much different life. That’s not what happened, but even still, he was always there. He was the one who found me when I was kidnapped. He was there when I first took a stab at love. He was there when I ruined it and it blew up in my face. He was there when I let my heart open again - even when he thought my relationship was weird and he didn’t understand it. He was there when my babies were born. He was always there and now he’s not - and it’s not fair. It’s not fair that he doesn’t get to see how things turn out for his daughter. It’s not fair he’ll never get to walk her down the aisle. It’s not fair that I get to go on and on with the people I love and he doesn’t. I don’t know who I’ll call when I have exciting news about my family. I don’t know who I’ll take out drinking and make toasts with when my kids start getting married and having kids of their own. I don’t know who I’ll take out and test my new tech with. None of this is fair. Rhodey, I love you, buddy. I wish you could be here and see how many people turned out for you, but then I guess that’s not how funerals work.”

By the time Tony was done with his Eulogy tears were streaming down his face. I was weeping openly too, as was Wanda, and Sam. When Tony sat back down beside me, Bruce and I, wrapped our arms around him and let him sob between us as we held him.

I didn’t know if these kinds of things would get any easier. I hoped not. Love was the thing that defined us as a group more than anything else. Grief was hard, but I wanted to keep being able to love people this strongly even knowing that it would end like this every time.

~ END ~

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