#plus i suddenly am super busy this week like what the fuck. family AND friend things. like did everyone just Wake Up all of a sudden NDJJD

[bangcakes]

.

#the boy update is that ive calmed down significantly and am once again a Human #i'll see him when i see him. im not gonna stress anymore #hes busy working like crazy anyway and i need to get a job NDNJDDNDNDMDM #like i still really like him but i think my priorities have been Fucked NDNDJDJDJDJDJD #BUT IM BACK ON TRACK. YA. #my other friends also back from her trip so thats exciting. i missed her JDJJDDJDDDD #i just..... its gonna take me awhile to ask to hang out. im just SHY and also I HAVENT FELT LIKE SEEING ANYONE DJDJZJSKSKSKSKSKSKS #but now im better... yeah i think i just needed like to be a hermit for a bit #plus i suddenly am super busy this week like what the fuck. family AND friend things. like did everyone just Wake Up all of a sudden NDJJD #like we may even see my cousins from alberta. im like JDJDD OK??? #havent seen them in like.... im gonna say 10+ years. and of course its this week that theyre here with my uncle #who ive only met like idk 3 times JDJJDKDKKDJDJD #and of those times... hes been drunk out his mind i think... 2.5/3 NDJDJD #i think hes sober now tho???? #idk. we might not even see them. my moms side is really flakey 💀 #but hes my moms fav brother and shes his fave sister so i hope they get to see each other NDJDJJDJDJD theyre only a year apart #its so weird bc him and my mom were so close but then like... lets just say Life and he moved away and ya zzjjdjdkdj #they had this like. super long like 4 hour talk on the phone a few minths ago and idk i think it cleared up like the last 30 years. idk man #my moms side is crazy. thats all i'll say #personal

[editorialsonlife]

Well

Welp, feeling like doing an update because there's been a lot going on to be honest. its one of those weird dichotomies where every day feels like an eternity and there's so much going on and then you look back and you're like oh, ok its just my brain making it difficult and making things take forever but anyway.

LOCKDOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN

Lockdown life was good, apart from being thrust into it so suddenly dave left a banana on his desk. Wasn't great to come back to after 5 weeks out of the office - mummified mouldy banana!! Classic. We luckily got our first jab before lockdown started so that was good, and we were reasonably well stocked up on food and were generally a lot healthier this lockdown that last. honestly, there's a level of chill and serenity in lockdown that i just love. the ability to set my own schedule and only work the hours I actually work to get the job done? Amazing. getting 8.5 hours of sleep each night without having to wake to an alarm blaring? AMAZING. getting to go for walks every afternoon? SO FLIPPING GOOD. I love it so much, I really really do. I need this to be my life permanently.

WORK

Work is just ongoing and draining and honestly, coming back to the office was so fucking stressful and it was only one day. Being at home is just the fucking bomb. Pending home decisions, I wanna go contracting I think, but also ideally two part time contracts to have more flexibility? I dunno. You'd think a big 4 would provide variety but it really doesn't and honestly, with Richie leaving, wellington is just a sinking ship. Sean's off on parental leave, Kirstyn is down to four days a week, ben will be gone if he doesn't get promoted (and I don't think he will be tbh). Jack is just muddling along, Nigel wants to swap to consulting as well, Matt's going to be a shit leader in terms of bringing in work so it's just not going to work. and in our wider group it's going to get even more messy with heaps of the analysts leaving and a couple of senior hires too. so I think it's probably time to jump ship in general, pending the home stuff below. Also, coming back after a break again, I'm like, I don't actually like a lot of you? All the people I enjoy here are in other teams and groups, and I'll be sad to leave you all, but like, not enough to stay anyway lol.

Pending the home below, two options are to just going and get a job with a $30k payrise to make up for the maternity leave benefits I'm gunna leave behind when I leave this role - 18 weeks full pay, $100 a week for the first year back and a full year of maternity leave. It's basically 30k post tax which is a bit nuts to walk away from to be honest.

Otherwise the other option is to go contracting. Less security overall but holy shit so much money. If I went in as a project coordinator at the lowest rate to build up a bit of a portfolio I'd need to work 40 weeks of 40 hr weeks and Id basically match my current salary plus the lost family leave benefits and still qualify for govt maternity leave payments. Realistically I could go in as a project manager for $140 an hour ($60 more an hour than the above math) and absolutely smash it at that level as well so ya know, there's a bunch of other info. I like the idea of the flexibility of it and only having 6 months even if its a shitshow and beign able to walk away at the end of it. I really don't want to get a govt job and this is a v govt town which is fine but also, if I can avoid it that would be great. I just know I'm not gunna thrive in that environment.

Need to talk to Dave to get him across the line on the security issue part of that though. I've mostly come a long way in terms of my financial management (thanks YNAB) so I think he'd be ok with it mostly.

So there's a lot to toss up there because......

HOME

We got the reno plans done during lockdown, finally. which was super good. but holy fkn jesus $$$$$$ ++++++++++. The guy is coming around for the final quote on Thursday. We indicatively said $100k total because we're doing kitchen laundry bathroom and toilet. so only the most expensive rooms and when I was talking to him last week he said 'that might cover it' and they're seeing cost escalations of 7-10% a week which is just insane. we're not doing anything structural apart from putting in a cavity slider in the bathroom, and the quote they'll give us won't include flooring since they won't do it.

Meanwhile, the prefab homes I were looking at for our site were $425k fully done. Like, I'm not going to spend $130K on doing up my 1940s ex state house ya know? That's not good cost benefit ratio.

So depending on what that comes out at on thursday we'll be able to make some plans.

We also want to start trying for kids next year and need these renos done first - I am not having kids and no dishwasher lol.

Also we need bank financing so good to be in a permanent stable job for that application. the good thing is we have so much equity we know we can borrow whatever we need, I just don't want to spend that much money on it because it's fkn ridiculous. and if I'm going on maternity leave we need to be able to cover it all on dave's salary and whatever benefits I have as well so there;s a lot of financial planning and spreadsheeting going on at the moment lol. it's fab.

either way. we've got plenty of options up our sleeve. we've got friends who's brother owns a building company so we can talk to them, we've got the garage so we can get things prefabricated even if they're not installed til next year, Dave can get shit at cost through his work for whiteware, there;s plenty of things to like cost control we can do, we just need to know where we're starting from basically. thats the challenging part. but we'll figure it out, its just taking longer than I want it to basically.

We also planted up the vege garden for the spring/summer which was lovely, super jazzed about that. we've finally got the garden to a reasonably low maintenance level where everything is mostly under control and it's such a relief, honestly.

PERSONAL

Man what a shift to lockdown last year honestly. I think the last 8 weeks in particular has just been like, a massive reality check of how absolutely shit the last year was and how fucking glad I am to be rid of it. I spent a week absolutely spiralling 2 weeks ago now and honestly, I don't know how I lived in the state for more than a year. I actually don't know how I did it. and I could not be more glad that I'm finally on the other side of it, for the most part. There's still a bunch of other stuff to work through (hahahahahaha when is there not like damn) but fucking hell its nice to just not be anxious and nauseous and wound up constantly. life is actually accessible. miracle.

My workmate had his bebe - I went round and got newborn cuddles and was like, oh, is this what it is to be clucky? this is odd. so there's that as well. I think we'll probably start trying next year pending renos and jobs etc. If the renos can be done in jan I'll prob just stick it at the job to get the benefits but I dunno. it's a tough call to make really. we shall see. This all assumes we get knocked up without any issues which is questionable these days. I really want to feel healthier before getting pregnant as well, and part of that is losing weight. however, given discussing that is what triggered the spiral we're working on that one slowly.

Also, lets have a moment for counselling, because fkn bless anne and all her hard work honestly. I actually ended up emailing her being like, I;m losing my shit on the monday and then talked to her on thursday. And its so funny because it's such a counselling thing but I didn't realise until afterwards what she'd done but she was like you're clearly not doing well and then the night before dave got a fkn miserable migraine and he was up for like, 2 hrs powerchucking except he didn't make it to the bathroom in time so guess who was cleaning up vomit at 130am trying not to chuck herself but I digress. anyway, not doing well, couldn't even explain why, didn't even have words and super tired and she's like, what lynaire up to this week how's she going with izzy and chat about that and then be like how are you feeling about your body and then 5 more mins of chat about the cat and the chickens and then like bam hard question and then hows it going with x and y and z and its like, it wasn't til I was on my walk afterwards when I FINALLY started feeling marginally better I was like damn woman work your magic for figuring it out for me and helping me reregulate. all over the phone as well since we were still in lockdown. GREAT WORK FRIEND.

and then last week was like totally fucked theoretical discussion about religion and the role it's played in my life and fate vs free will and all this nutty shit but genuinely just a great discussion. She's the best and I love her. thank good for good counsellors. thank god I can afford to pay for it honestly.

Dave and I are just chugging along, god bless that man. I love him. its amazing. I miss having friends close by but understand why they had to move (boooooo f u house prices). Family is pretty chill, still not really talking to dave's parents which is nightmarish but we'll deal with that when we need to. gunna have to go and visit them at some point coz dave misses them and I feel for him, I really do. It's the whole boundaries renegotiation I went through with my family last year post wedding blow up and its just not a fun place to be. oh well. can't fix it for him but also I'm not putting up with that level of BS from either of our families once we have children. not gunna happen.

Either way, life is busy and full and fun and I'm enjoying it. Daylight savings starts this weekend too, its october next week WTF and I'm just waiting for 4pm to find out what's gunna happen to our girls trip. Clearly we cancelled our sept trip to christchurch and akaroa and hanmer springs so my covid travel curse continues. fkn ridic. Still dunno what we're gunna do with $2500 of flight credits coz if we get knocked up theres def no international trips happening any time soon.

thus concludes the almost 2000 word write up of life. hope you've enjoyed it. I'll throw up some pics in a separate post if people care about reno plans. such a good time!

[amythedvdhoarder]

Protection - Part 10

Pairing: Bucky x Reader, Steve x Reader (platonic)

Story Summary: Bucky cannot bear that Y/N was hurt because of him. He has to find a way to keep her safe. Forever

Chapter Summary: Bucky returns and you decide to keep your pregnancy a secret from him. Will you ever be able to forgive and let him back into your life?

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of pregnancy and labour plus whole lot of angst.

Word count: 3.8K

Author’s note: Gif not mine. Sorry it has taken me ages to update this, I have been busy writing Bucky one-shots for the flex your writing muscles challenge. I can’t quite decide whether to write a full other chapter and an epilogue or just an epilogue. Please let me know of you have any thoughts. Feedback always welcome, it is lovely to see who has been reading this story. Enjoy x

series masterlist

masterlist

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Bucky’s POV

Bucky couldn’t remember the last time he got a good night’s sleep. That was a lie. He could. But the memory of you curled up against him made his heart hurt. Echoes of your screams played on a loop in his head. The betrayal in your voice as you had begged him not to leave made him physically ache. All he wanted to do was find his way back to you. But would you even take him back after all the lies he had told you to try and protect you? His eyelids felt heavy, sleep threatening but he had to try and focus. He was close now.

It had been 6 months. 6 months away from you. 6 months of hunting down Zemo, the head of the Sokovian death squad. The man who had nearly killed his best friend and the man who had threatened to tear his adopted family apart. Bucky had been taking out members of Zemo’s death squad as he tracked them across the world. He had been careful about it though. It was a fine line; he wanted Zemo to know he was on borrowed time but didn’t want to draw the team’s attention. Now all that remained was Zemo and the last of his cult.

Bucky watched as the light turned off in the tower block across the street from his hiding place. Zemo and his goon were in there and there was no way they were leaving in one piece. This was one the few times that Bucky could remember being grateful for his skill set. Zemo was going to pay, unfortunately the price was his life. He waited in the darkness, took a deep breath then headed towards the tower block, gun tucked in the back of his trousers and cap pulled low over his face.

Readers POV

Subconsciously your hand fell to your stomach and rested on the swelling bump. It had been 3 months ago since Dr Cho had told you about your pregnancy. 6 months since Bucky had left. You were sat watching Steve paint the walls in what would become your baby’s nursery. You were excited about becoming a mother but you still couldn’t shake the sadness that had lingered around you since Bucky had left. Steve had been your rock during the pregnancy; he came with you to every scan, he helped Tony organise new living quarters for you in the compound for when the baby arrived. Not to mention how he had moved into the room next to yours just in case you needed anything during the night.

Steve’s phone rang, he put the paintbrush down and quickly yanked the phone out of his back pocket. “Sam what’s up?” You couldn’t make out what Sam was saying but could hear the urgency in his tone. “We’ll be right there.” He walked over to you calmly, held out his hand for you to take, helping you out of your seat. “Steve, what’s happened?”  He sighed. “Zemo.” Just upon hearing his name you could feel your heart hammering in your chest. If they had something on Zemo, then maybe there would be news about Bucky. Your mind was racing at the prospect of some information, so much so that you didn’t pay attention to where you were going allowing Steve to lead you all the way to the conference room.

Sam was waiting for you both when you arrived, his expression unreadable. “I’m just going to come out and say it. We found Zemo” Steve looked at him for a second frustrated “and…” Sam glanced at Steve and then at you. “He’s dead. It’s not a pretty sight I will warn you now.” An image flashed up on the screen. It was hard to identify Zemo; he looked like he had been attacked by a wild animal. Whom ever had done this had been consumed by pure rage and any form of self-control had vanished. You looked away in shock, the image bringing up the terrible memories of finding Steve after he had been kidnapped. You didn’t need to ask who had do this, it was Bucky. Bucky had finally taken his revenge. Steve cleared his throat, he knew what this meant. “Any sign of Buck?”

As Sam explained how there were still no signs of Bucky, Steve automatically placed his arm around you and ran it up and down your back. There was no evidence that Bucky had any involvement, but it was obvious to those of you within the team. Now Bucky had completed his mission, would he come back?  A glance at Steve’s face told you he was thinking the exact same thing; he was biting his bottom lip and had one eyebrow raised in thought.

For the next few days everyone on the team was quiet. There was no easy flowing conversations and any interaction was an effort. All of you were anxious about what was going to happen now. Would Bucky suddenly reappear as if nothing had happened or would he stay away? Either way, you had made a decision. If Bucky did come back, you didn’t want to see him. Yes, you may be carrying his baby but he didn’t know that. How could you trust him not to run away again? He had hurt you and you didn’t think you would recover if he walked out on you again and this time on his child as well. Steve took a bit of persuading to come around to your way of thinking but ultimately agreed with you, at least until the baby had been born. Dr Cho has already warned that due to the super serum from Bucky, the baby was developing faster. Any stress could potentially harm the baby or even cause you to go into premature labour. So, it was agreed, you moved into you flat in the compound that week with Steve taking the guest room.

It was the middle of the night about a week later FRIDAY sent out the alert. The AI’s voice rang through your flat. “Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes is at the door to the compound.” You struggled to sit up, in the last week your bump had ballooned leaving you feeling like a beached whale. As you flicked on the bedside lamp, Steve appeared at your door still fighting his way into a t-shirt. “You ok?” he asked through a yawn. You gave him a half smile “I guess, least we know he’s safe.” Your gaze lowered to your bump and your hands ran over it softly. “Look Y/N, I’m probably going to be a while dealing with this. He doesn’t have access to this floor so you want wonder in to him by accident. I’m not going to tell him anything. Ok?” When you didn’t answer him, Steve walked over to you. He wiped away the tears that were rolling down your cheeks with his thumb and leant down to place a kiss on your head. “It’s going to be ok Y/. I promise.” He lifted your hand to his lips and with that he left.

Bucky’s POV

He knew it was wrong to just show up now after everything that had happened, but he wanted to be near you again. He had done what he had set out to do. Zemo was dead; he didn’t pose a threat to any of the team anymore, to you. He saw Steve walking towards the door, his jaw was clenched and he looked thoroughly pissed. Bucky braced himself for what was about to come. Steve punched in the code to open the door and motioned for Bucky to come in. “Steve…” Steve help his hand up “Don’t” he growled. “Follow me.” In the conference room Bucky was met by several pairs of disdainful eyes; Tony, Nat, Sam and of course Steve. There was one pair missing, the pair he longed to see regardless of the hate for him that they probably contained. Steve pointed to a seat and Bucky sat, he glanced to the door wondering if you were going to walk in. When everyone else drew up a seat, he knew you weren’t coming.

“What the hell were you thinking Barnes?” Nat started. “What part of ‘team’ don’t you fucking understand?” Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. Of course, he had thought through what he could say to everyone, but now he was here he didn’t have a clue. “Look I’m sorry. I just thought…” Nat got to her feet now, anger taking over taking any semblance of professionalism “No you fucking didn’t. You didn’t think at all. Steve was a mess and Y/N well …”. “Nat” Steve cut her off. She shot him an apologetic look. “You left Bucky because you and your jumped ego thought you could handle this on your own. Sod everyone else.” Nat shook her head, her hand trembling with the rage currently coursing through her. “I don’t often say this but I can’t do this” Nat walked out of the room, the men left behind stunned into silence.

Sam started next. “She has a point man. Zemo threatened us all, hell he nearly killed Steve. Do you not think we were all in this?” Bucky just glared at him. No one was ever going to think he had might the right choice, maybe he didn’t but the problem had been dealt with. What had been done and how it was done couldn’t be changed. “I did what I had to do. I did this for years, it’s not something I am proud of but I’m different to all of you” Tony’s fists clenched on the table in front of him. “You would have arrested Zemo, he didn’t need imprisoning he needed getting rid of. I did what none of you would have done. Did I enjoy it? No. But it had to be done.” Steve ran a hand through his hair. “Buck, it wasn’t your choice to make.”

Bucky knew it was pointless arguing. “Obviously there are going to be consequences Barnes. 6 months suspension and house arrest. I don’t know what consequences there will be from other agencies. At the minute they have no idea your involved so maybe you’ll get lucky” Bucky nodded at Tony, accepting his fate. The punishment wasn’t as harsh as he thought it was going to be. He thought for sure he was going to be kicked out onto the street or put in some max security facility. Tony left the room leaving Bucky with Sam and Steve.

“I know I don’t have much right to ask this but where’s Y/N? I need to talk to her. Apologise I was an arsehole.” Sam scoffed “Got that right”. Steve’s face hardened “She doesn’t want to see you. You hurt her Buck. She’s gonna need time.” Bucky didn’t trust his voice to hide his emotions so chose to nod. “Sam is going to get a detailed account of everything that happened whilst you were after Zemo.” Steve stood up, his hand on the door handle. “Buck, she’s still here, she’s safe. But please don’t go looking for her. When she wants to see you, she will.” Steve stood staring and Bucky, waiting for a response. “Ok Steve.”

Bucky sat in the room for hours with Sam, patiently recalling the events of the last 6 months. Every location, every stakeout and every killing.  Sam didn’t have to prompt Bucky for any information, he just let Bucky regurgitate the facts. “I did it for Y/N” Bucky said suddenly, “I just wanted to make it safer for her, I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to her.” Sam smiled sadly. “FRIDAY, stop recording” The AI confirmed and Sam cracked his fingers then looked up at Bucky. “Look man, I can’t tell you how torn up she was. But I think part of her understands. She loves you, that doesn’t go away but you have to admit what you did was brutal. You can’t expect it to go back to the way it was, for her to trust you.” Bucky bowed his head into his hands. What did he expect? He told you he had lied to you, that he didn’t love you, that he had used you. All he ever wanted to do was protect you, but to do that he had hurt you in the worst possible way. He didn’t deserve your forgiveness, he knew that, but he needed to be around you, to show you how he really felt. Sam stood up and rested his hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s get you back to your room.”

Bucky followed Sam up to his old room. Bucky felt his heart break as he walked past the door to your old room; it was clear that you weren’t there anymore. All of your belongings had been cleared out, the only trace that you had been there was a faint lingering scent of fresh cotton and lavender. Once closing the door to his own room, he realised it had been like he never left. The memories of the last time he had been in the room flooded back to him. Your cries still seemed to echo around the walls and hurt evident on your face as you screamed at him. His final act in this room had been one of betrayal; severing ties to the one person who meant the most to him. Going after Zemo had been the right thing to do, but the way he had pushed you away, the malice in his words. Well that was unforgivable. Bucky threw himself and screamed into the pillow. The emotions he had worked so hard to keep at bay for the last 6 months finally poured out until he was exhausted.

Over the next few weeks Bucky kept himself to himself. He didn’t venture out of his room during the day. He couldn’t bare the disappointing and judgemental looks from the others, the self-hatred was enough. In the middle of the night, he would venture from his room, got to the gym for a bit, walk around and eat some food. He always lingered in the places he knew you used to go, he wanted to see you, to just run into you accidently. It wasn’t as if it is breaking Steve’s request, he wasn’t actively looking for you he just hoped that before he shut himself back in his room, away from the world, he might just catch a glimpse of you. It was selfish really but he just needed to see you. It was killing him knowing that everyone else got to spend time with you, he would catch snippets of hushed conversations as people walked past his door. Just the simple mention your name would make him run to the door and look for any sign of you. He even smelt you on Steve a couple of times when he had come to visit and he couldn’t help but feel jealous. For now, he just had to accept that you didn’t want to see him and after everything he had done he couldn’t blame you.

Readers POV

You were sat waiting for Steve when he came back from seeing Bucky, a mug of tea clutched in your hand the other placed on your bump. Steve came and sat down next to you and sighed. “Y/N, you should be sleeping.” Placing your cup down, you shifted, with some difficulty, to lean against Steve who automatically wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “I couldn’t.” Steve trailed his fingertips down your arm. “How was he?” You tilted your head up to look at Steve. He pinched his nose and scrunched his eyes up before meeting your expectant gaze. “He’s not injured.” You pressed your hand to his chest. “You know that’s not what I meant.” He groaned. “I know Y/N. He seems lost. Nat had a proper go at him and he just took it. Didn’t fight back when she screamed at him.” Steve knew what you wanted to hear and couldn’t deny you. “He asked about you Y/N. I think he really regrets how he treated you.” All you could do was nod in acceptance and nestle tighter into Steve’s chest. Despite the fact that he had hurt you so much, you couldn’t help but feel comforted by the fact that he was back, that he was safe. Your brain was telling you to stay clear of him but your heart, well it knew that he had lied. He had said those things to protect, even if he had to hurt you.

For the next few weeks you never seemed to get a minute to yourself. It was like the team was babysitting you. Steve was obviously staying with you in the flat, but when he was busy then you had Nat, Sam, Tony or Clint keeping you company. All you wanted was peace and quiet, time to be on your own. You knew what they were doing; they were trying to keep you distracted, but to be honest you also suspected it was partly down to Bucky’s return. Maybe they thought you were going to go looking for him or he was going to come looking for you. Every time there was a knock on the door your stomach flutter in anticipation. Even though Steve had told you that Bucky had no access to the floor you still hoped that Bucky would try to find a way to see you. But he didn’t, as far as you knew he had no idea where you were or in fact you were carrying his child.

After 8 months the pregnancy was really taking its toll on you. It was becoming more and more difficult to sleep due partly to how much your back hurt but mainly because of how active the baby was. Walking around seemed to alleviate some of the pain and also stopped the demon child kicking the hell out of your internal organs. So that was how you found yourself wondering around the compound at 3 in the morning. Steve had told you to stay on your floor at all times; it made you feel like a prisoner. Plus, the likelihood of anyone being awake was slim to none. You had heard the snores coming from Steve’s room as you snuck out and figured what he didn’t know would hurt him.  

Exhausted from the short walk you sat at the breakfast bar in the communal kitchen sipping on a cold bottle of water. You hissed at the sharp pain coming from your abdomen, the baby still very much active despite the time of day. “Do you ever sleep?” you mumbled down at the bump. “Y/N?” You froze at the voice in the doorway. It was a voice that stirred a lot of emotions within you; love, sadness, anger, fear, longing and at the minute you couldn’t decide which emotion was winning. You turned your body, hiding your stomach from view and turned to look at Bucky. He took a hesitant step into the kitchen. “Am I alright to come in?” he asked quietly. You nodded, you didn’t quite trust yourself to speak yet. Bucky leaned against the cabinets on the other side of the room, giving you space.

It wasn’t difficult to notice the changes; his hair had grown out, he had lost a little bit of weight and the spark in his eyes was gone, he looked lost. As he shifted on his feet slightly and toyed with his fingers you witnessed just how nervous he looked. “Look I know you never want to see me again, I can go if you want?” His eyes met yours from across the room and you couldn’t help but feel your heart break a little. “No Bucky, it’s ok.” His name sounded foreign as it left your lips, it was a name you had barely uttered for over half a year.  Bucky couldn’t squash the small smile forming on his lips. “Look Y/N I don’t even know where to begin. I am really sorry. I didn’t mean any of what I…” The bottle you were holding slammed into the table, the anger getting the better of you “Don’t you dare try and apologise, you still said it Bucky. You fucking abandoned me. You … Arghhhh”

Your hand flew to your stomach as you cried out in pain. “Bucky, get Steve” Bucky stepped towards you unsure of what was going on. His eyes filled with concern as he took the final steps around the counter. “You’re…when?” Bucky’s eyes were now glued to the bump peeking out from your tank top. Another cramp hit you. “Bucky get Steve, I think the baby’s coming.” You said through gritted teeth Bucky was frozen. His mouth open and shut as words failed him. “FRIDAY, wake up Steve and tell him to meet me at the medbay.” A warmth began to spread down your legs. “Buck, I know you’re in shock but I need to get to the medbay. I’m a month early. BUCKY HELP.” The shouting seemed to snap him back. He held out his hand for you to take and helped you off the stool. “Doll, you ok to walk?” You glared up at him “Don’t fucking call me that.” He pulled an apologetic expression. “I can walk, just need you to help.” Bucky held your hand in his and wrapped his metal arm around your waist. It was a slow walk down to the medbay, having to stop as contractions hit you. Bucky let you squash his hand in yours as you rode out the pain. He couldn’t help but look at you in admiration, you had always been beautiful but pregnancy suited you. It’s no wonder you hated him. He had abandoned you and his child.

Steve glared at him as you arrived. He strode towards the pair of you. He immediately pointed at Bucky. “You. I…” You cut Steve off by putting your hand on his chest. “Steve, it wasn’t his fault. I went…” You gasped as another contraction hit you. Steve pulled you away from Bucky to the delivery room that Tony and Bruce had set up. You turned back to look at Bucky, his hands fisted in his hair, conflict written all over his face. “Bucky, I don’t want you in here” you gestured to the room and his face fell “but, you can wait out here until it’s over.” He nodded, tears in his eyes and took a chair as Steve closed the door behind you. He took a couple of deep breaths in an attempt to steady his heart rate and breathing. How could he have ever left you? Your invitation for him to wait gave him a small ounce of hope though. He knew he didn’t deserve to be in your lives but all he knew is that nothing else mattered now. The only things that were important to him now were in the room his was banished from. You and your child.

taglist: @broco8​​, @mela-noche​​

#bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky x you #bucky angst #bucky #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #marvel #marvel fanfics #avengers #steve rogers #sam wilson #natasha romanoff

[confessions-of-a-blogger]

Karma, or bollocks?

I wanted to write what's happened in my life for a while, well, my adult life. I find writing very therapeutic and something I have enjoyed doing since I was 13, so 16 years now.

I haven't found the need too, but now, I do.

It's going to paint myself in a bad light, or a good light, you can judge I am fine with that, I have lived with these choices for a long time, some more recently fair to say.

In the words of Nickelback 'Something's gotta go wrong cos I'm feeling way too damn good'

I always say out of every negative, and there can be alot, there is a least one positive. I hope by the end of this, I find that positive.

So the beginning, kind of. October 2012.

I was with a girl, but went to America for a month with my best friend at the time. He used to live there and I came into a bit of money, always wanted to go to the states, and had the most wonderful month.

About 2 weeks in I got a scent that something was happening between my partner and someone else, and I was right. I snooped on her Facebook inboxes, and found she had been talking to a girl, more than talking really, flirting, saying she wish she could be with her, the usual jazz. Which, I had done myself previously, and I deserved it to happen to me. I jumped from relationship to relationship for years, my therapist said it was because I didn't feel loved by my mum after years of abuse, I always went from woman to woman to find the love, and I agreed.

When I came back, I was expecting to break up with her, but I was about to look after my friends dog in his flat for an unknown period of time, and she had told her mum this, so her mum kicked her out.

With nowhere to live, I felt like it was now my responsibility, so we spoke and worked on things.

A few months down the line, she fell pregnant, and I was over the moon. I always wanted the family life, even after the red flag, but unfortunately she miscarried.

Then things changed slightly. Controlling behaviour, both our heads in the wrong places, still trying to hold a relationship together, and of course still sleeping together, and she fell pregnant, again.

This time I was at fault, I didn't wanna be with her, and I figured she was going through my phone, so I left her things to find so we could break up.

Then I felt horrible. I left my pregnant partner. Regardless of if I wanted to be with them, I should not of done that, at that time, so we got back together, and she miscarried, again.

2 back to back nearly killed us both off. So I made it clear I didn't want to try again and she went onto the pill.

Which she then stopped taking, and on her highest ovulation day she got me drunk, we fucked, and she fell pregnant a third time.

Not wanting to make the same mistake, I stayed. For a while. The thought that someone just went behind my back to get pregnant after I made it clear I couldn't cope with another miscarriage brewed. I had already struggled with mental health from the years of abuse by my mum, I didn't want to go through a third and come out alot worse.

We got to 12 weeks, and everything was okay with baby, but I knew I needed out. It was a massive betrayal of trust, and I could no longer trust her.

Her birthday came up, then Christmas and New year, so I didn't act on this, I didn't want to cause more stress and miscarry again.

In Jan 2014, after a month of just basically both of us talking to other people, I ended it, and a month later I was with someone else. Needless to say, it wasnt a good thing. I felt like I was being blackmailed by my ex to do all these things just so I could see my unborn. I always wanted children, and said I would do anything to see them as often as possible.

In May that child was born, and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. The blackmail continued and in August it all came out that I had been essentially having an affair, not that I wanted it, and that caused strain on my relationship at the time. I was wrong, very very wrong to do what I did, and should of stood my ground, but maybe the rest of this story will show you how hard that would of been.

Things were hard, I was being stopped from seeing my child as often as I liked, and it was a case of 'can you have her tomorrow' always at short notice, and always having to juggle work around that. When I couldn't change shifts at short notice, things got worse. Arguing on her side, emotional abuse, the works. Child as a weapon.

After a few months, I would say February 2015, contact turned very very minimal.

In March, my partner cheated on me twice, with the same person, but I loved her and accepted that as she accepted my actions the year before. And we moved passed it, even if it was on the anniversary of my mum's death.

A few more months down the line, the contact with my child stopped completely, and over the years no matter how hard I tried, for a while, I got nowhere.

My partner cheated on me a further 3 times, and in 2016 she left me for someone else. 7 weeks later we found out she was pregnant.

She told me she hadn't slept with the guy the first 2 weeks but she was 7 weeks pregnant. So we got back together. I was dating someone, someone I wanted to date for a while, but felt this was the right thing to do. If I had one chance to make it work I had to take it. I didn't miss an appointment, and I only just missed the birth. Then we did the DNA, and in the best Jeremey Kyle moment of all time, she told me she wanted a family with me regardless of the result, we would be a family and a day later, the DNA test showed that I was not the father.

I was okay for a few weeks, but I couldn't live with looking at a child that should be mine all the time whilst not being alllowed to see my own, once I said that, she left.

Then out of nowhere, my ex rings me, and I see my eldest for a while, a month or 2, before she got back with her fella and the contact stopped, again.

Then I lost my job, and had nothing. Time to rebuild, whilst being off sick for 3 years.

In that time I met someone, they were super nice and we had good times, but truthfully, I was still hung up on my ex for 2 years, and then I chose to settle. I hadn't had nice before, things were good. I thought I would finally grow to love her, and I did to some aspect, but I never fell in love.

Then one day, in February 2020, I walk into a shop and there she was. The person all these soppy love quotes are about, the person I dreamed of meeting since I was teenager, stood before my very eyes. At that point I knew I had to break up with my partner. If you look at someone else then you should not stay with the person you are with. I went in a further 3 times and every time all I could think was wow.

Then lockdown happened, and well, signs were there that my partner was pregnant. When lockdown ended in the summer, she came to mine, and low and behold, she was. 23 weeks pregnant.

We had one week to decide and we booked everything for an abortion, but, I was born at 24 weeks, so we both opted against it.

In September, I applied for a job at where the girl I always wanted to be with/find, and got it. At the same time, my partner gave birth.

I pushed my feelings to one side. They only grow when I think someone might be interested and that certainly wasn't the case. I now had a family to provide for, and that family life I always wanted with a nice, lovely, good looking girl, plus, the girl I liked and her bf both worked there, and I got on with both of them, so my feelings kind of disappeared to the back of my mind.

Then the job was made permanent, at a time when my relationship was failing, and over the course of a few months, things creeped in that made me unhappy, and I was so pissed off with myself that I just settled knowing it wasn't what I wanted. Stupid me, everything I wanted and got turned to dust, I thought being with someone nice meant that I would get the happy ending and a family life, but life doesn't work out like that.

But fate has its way sometimes. I had found my dream girl, I got the job, it was permanent, and out of all the people I worked with it was her I went to for advice, and it appeared we had similar thoughts, but also, we were both unhappy in our relationships to some extent, and I just got contact with my eldest again, for a while at least.

Then something amazing happened. She flirted. I couldn't believe it either, and then we became good friends, that helped each other out.

I spoke to my partner, told her I was unhappy, and we tried to work on it, but it got worse and my mind was made up. So I pretty much made it clear to the girl I worked with I liked her. I told her she was my type, and she seemed interested if i was gonna break up with my partner, and I was. Then I reacted to some pictures of her on her insta story, where she looked absolutely out of this world, and then suddenly we knew we had to break up with our partners.

She wanted to call a break but fate had its way again and they actually called things off, and so did I. Not to get with each other, but because we knew we were unhappy whilst being made happy by someone else. We had both checked out our relationship a while back, I guess we just forced each others hand.

Its not been a month, and I am crazy in love, but we aren't together, as much as I want that. We are taking things slow in terms of commitment and I am okay with that. I never thought I'd get this far. I only imagined we would go out on a works Christmas do or something and I might slide it in there how I feel, so the fact this all happened has been crazy.

Talking everyday, seeing each other often, and our first proper date coming up, and I am really living the dream.

But now, I haven't seen my eldest in months, and when I asked, she is 'too busy,' imagine if I said that.

Now I just get ignored often by both, and whilst I have had the month of my life, the bad is happening.

I'm now worrying its going to be 2 children I don't see, and that really would be karma for all the hurt I caused.

But at least I have you, my light in the dark times, you really really make me happy, and I have never felt like this before. Thank you for being there, and making me feel on top of the world.

Just to be shot back down by 2 people, ignoring, and making life difficult.

So is this karma, or is it bollocks.

#real life #venting

[harrysdimplles]

64!! Super angsty with smut pls!

"64 angsty pls"

"Yell, scream, cry, please, just say something, anything."

It's worse than torture.

He knows she's not doing it on purpose too, that pulling back is how YN process things on her own mind. He knows he fucked up, badly this time, and that he ought to give her space...he's aware of all of it, he swears.

But he can't take it anymore. It's been days, and even if there's a lot Harry learned he can live with over the years, having the girl he's utterly in love with act as if he's invisible is not one of those things.

He's no stranger to missing her: they had to make their way through a world tour within the first year of dating, after all, and there were days where he almost said fuck it and hopped on a plane back home just to have her mumbling at him for getting up too damn early every time one of them slept over. This is different.

It's worse, cuz she's right there. It hurts, to be so close knowing that she won't give him more than an angered look before finding something to busy herself with so they don't have to talk about the elephant in the room.

If only his manager had kept his mouth shut...

Okay, blaming other people is a low blow, but Harry's a desperate man at this point.

A stupid one too, saying yes to another stunt after all the bullshit he was put through, after all the things he saw his friends having to endure. They didn't know better, back then, plus, it wasn't long before he discovered it was easier to go with it than try to fight the tide.

So, that's what he did, when a room full of people suggested creating some buzz before all the new things were set in motion.

Stupid.

He wants to believe things would be better had he gotten a chance to tell YN about it himself, but that's mostly wishful thinking: the surprise morphing into hurt in her eyes when she heard the words is the problem he has no idea how to fix, not whose mouth it came from.

xxx

"We need to talk" his voice wavers in the dark kitchen, YN's focus remaining on her computer screen.

"I'm working, Harry" her fingers haven't stopped hitting the keys, but she's tensing up more and more with each passing second. Because he's still there, standing closer than he has for the entire week, so she knows he's not going to take the hint and leave.

Not this time.

"Babe, please." the singer isn't even sure what he's begging for. Please, look at me. Please, let me explain you date the biggest idiot in town. Please, say you don't hate me.

For a second there it feels like she's gonna turn around, Harry's heart beating on his throat, but then YN climbs off the stool, shuts her laptop down and pushes it into her purse. She's leaving. Again.

"Wait." he's on her way now, hand on her shoulder, the small touch practically making his head spin. "I'm an idiot. A complete ass. I know that, love. I just..." there's so much he wants to say the words feel like they are stuck, like he can't get them out fast enough. She's still not turning around, won't look at him even when he pulls her body towards his "I'm sorry" her face is stoic when the smaller one finally looks up. "I'm so sorry, and I know just saying the words won't change anything, but please, baby" the fact she doesn't recoil from his touch is a small victory, but the silence is still hanging in the air and Harry thinks he's about to suffocate.

"Talk to me" he begs "Yell, scream, cry, please, just say something, anything."

xxx

"You didn't have to lie" YN knew that conversation was coming from the moment she understood what the meeting she had unintentionally crashed was about, however, now that it's here, she wishes Harry would let her pretend for a little while longer.

"I didn't! I was gonna tell you, swear on me mum"

"That's...that's not what I'm talking about, H" her feet are moving before she can stop herself, breathing suddenly easier when there's some space between them "I won't act as if I'm an expert, but public stunts are part of the job at this point...this will not be the first one you pull, nor the last....it's just that it hurts. I know what I walked into when I said yes to you, but this...this is more than I can take"

"I called it off. The whole thing. It's not....they shouldn't have suggested it, and I was a fucker for even considering the idea..." he was talking faster than ever, and fuck, why were they having this discussion at 3 a.m?

"Harry, stop. Please, stop it. This is not about the stunt. Do it, if you have to. I don't think you need it, and I'd rather you let your talent speak for itself, but what do I know? I believed you when I shouldn't, I'm too weak to just leave, and that's why we're here, stuck" the words are heavy on her tongue, heavier on her heart. This is it.

This is the end.

"Wha...I don't..."

"Come on, H. I get it, alright? You're a private person, the fact that your life hasn't been only yours in almost a decade has got to make it worse. I understand why you want us to be careful, I love that you think what we have is special enough for you to want to protect it from the outside world, but I'll not be your dirty secret" there. She said it. YN managed to turn her worst fears into a couple of sentences that hopefully make sense. "I can't let myself go there, no matter how much I love you." she makes a good job of holding back the stupid tears, but then he's there, standing so close they are breathing the same air and it's just. "I love you so much, Harry" she has to say it. He needs to know. "I love you, and I can't, okay. So if you're....ashamed of me, just say it."

"Don't say that. Love, no" he's bending himself down as he speaks, hands on her face so she can't look away. "I'm not ashamed of you. I would never be, YN. You're brilliant, talented, caring. You're the strongest person I know, baby. Most days, I'm asking myself how I got so lucky to have you by my side" he's almost choking on the words, and there's so much truth in his eyes, YN wants to forget, turn back time and not interrupt that stupid meeting, but she can't, not when she hasn't told him everything.

"Then why do we have to sneak around like we're doing something illegal every time we go out? Why is it so important that everyone thinks you're single, unless they are convinced you're fucking some perfect model?" she hated how one event could set her back like that. YN won't forget the girl she used to be, but she's worked too hard to believe she's better than all the fucked up people in her life made a point of telling her she was, over and over again. "Why am I not good enough?"

He's crying when his mouth crashes on hers, pressing himself so close she can feel every hard muscle on his body, even if his lips are as gentle as ever, moving against her with barely any pressure, the salt from the tears mixing in.

"I'm the one who's not good enough" it's barely a whisper, so easy to miss in the craziness of her heart plummeting into her ribcage, the woman reads the words in his lips more than she hears them "I'm just not. I made a choice that means I have to live in an insane, cruel world. I don't regret it, cause I get to do the one thing I'm truly good at, I touch people's lives with what I have to say, but...it was my choice. Not my family's, my friends' or...It's not that I don't want people to know I'm in love with you, YN. I'm terrified of what happens once they do. What if you wake up one day and realize it's not worth it?"

"Harry..."

"It's hell, baby. I have to live with it, but it's not long before people remember they don't. I'm not trying to turn you into my dirty secret, I'm trying to keep you from leaving me. Please, don't do that"

xxx

Harry's not sure what it means when she pulls at his shirt, whining at the back of her throat the second their mouths touch, but he's too desperate to ask, so he just presses forward, deepening the kiss, trying to use his body to say what the words failed to: he can't quite explain what it feels like to just be himself some days, but he'll be damned if his insecurities take her away.

So he kisses her, harder and deeper every second, kisses her until they are both lightheaded and struggling to breathe, kisses her til he convinces himself she's not about to slip away the minute they are apart.

It's still somehow not enough, Harry decides, manhandling the girl so she's sitting at the kitchen table, with him standing between her legs, the spark in her eye that tells him she's thinking about something smart to say drowning in a moan when he grazes his teeth against the sensitive skin of her neck, biting down when YN's nails press down on his bicep.

"Harry" his name is a warning and a plea, stirring the part of the man that wants to mark her up again, make her his, so keeps at it, making sure she's got a couple hickeys to look at in the morning, ones that are going to match the scratches on his body, the sting of it sending waves of pleasure to his hardening dick.

"Want yeh" he confesses, lowly, knowing she's gonna like to hear it, needing her to say she feels the same. It's been too long since last time, and he knows, knows that the talk they were having is far from over but...later. "Can I?" she nods and he gets rid of her pajama's shirt in one go, pulling back a bit to just look, but then YN is hooking her calves into the small of his back, trying to bring him closer, her smooth palms sliding over the muscles in his abdomen, goosebumps rising up all over the inked skin.

She falls back a little when her shorts and panties come off, holding her body up on her elbows, trying to bite back a moan for the feel of his fingers lightly tracing the skin of her inner thighs, closer and closer to where she needs him, the hunger rolling off of him making YN impatient.

"Take me" she wants to be embarrassed about it, but then Harry's in her, first finger sliding in with ease as he nips about on the expanse of her tummy, leaving more marks on his wake, his rigid cock just a layer of clothing away and yeah...he should just take her already. Please.

"Fuck, baby" she's desperately trying to close her legs when the second digit slides in, the change of pace kind of overwhelming, especially when she can feel the pad of his thumb rubbing circles on her clit, the wet sounds amplified in the silent room "That feel good, love? Gonna gimme one like this?" she doesn't want to, not yet, but her body became a traitor the first time Harry touched it, each of his thrusts making her head spin faster, need and pleasure moulding into something that's closer and closer to taking over her body until it does just that, until all she can feel is him: the way he's pumping in and out of her wet cunt, the way each sliver of his skin that comes in contact with hers seems to be burning up, the tone of his voice ordering her to just let go and cum for him. There's nothing but Harry, and yet, it's not enough.

The protesting sound makes her open her eyes again, body tingling and suddenly empty, only for YN to be graced with the sight of Harry using her juices to slick himself up, hissing as his fist moves over the hard shaft a couple times. He moves closer when he sees she's come back down, kissing her again as he enters her body in a slow way, panting into her mouth with every inch.

"You can move" the girl whispers only seconds later: she's still pulsing and sensitive, but she wants him. Needs it. "Wanna cum on your cock"

Then Harry's moving, going a little deeper within every thrust of his hips, harder, faster. For the first time, he loses control. Just fucks her, and it's rough and glorious. It drives YN over the edge a second time in no time, his weight on top of her overdriving her senses when his hips finally still, Harry pulling out on the last second, marking her once more.

xxx

The rising sun finds them curled up against each other in the living room rug, YN tracing the ink on her boyfriend's arm to stay awake.

"I'm sorry" he drops a kiss to her hair, dragging his eyes down her face and the bruises starting to bloom in her body. His.

"I'm sorry too, H" she should've talked to him sooner. Harry's not like other men, well, not like the men that have broken her heart before, at least, but that's easy to forget when things go wrong. "Sometimes I forget you can't read my mind"

"Not yet. Give me a few years and I might" His tone is playful, but his eyes are full of promises it's too soon to voice, they both know. Still, they are there.

"I don't plan on going anywhere, just so you know" the perfect moment is interrupted when her stomach growls loudly, making them both laugh. "Except for breakfast, but I'll let my rockstar boyfriend join me"

Harry's up before she can even finish the sentence, holding out his hand for her to take.

No more hiding, not for them.

#harry styles smut #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles blurb #harry styles blurbs #harry styles concept #harry styles concepts #harry styles one shot #harry styles one shots #harry styles fic #harry styles fics #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #lari's 1k tag #feedback please? #if you read this tell me what you think

[letterstotheone-whomilovemost]

12/31/2020 (14 months after the event)

Happy New Years!

It has been a rather weird year, hasn’t it? While some days from this year feel like they were only yesterday, others feel like half a decade ago. To be quite frank, the same applies to the last time I saw you. I’m sure if you saw this you would go “blah blah, you say the same thing every time you write.” While this is true, I can’t help it. I started taking new medication, as of 14 days ago. My psychiatrist, I have one of those now-- along with a therapist haha, recommended me getting put on escitalopram for my severe anxiety. It’s always been pretty bad, but over the course of the past 14 months, it has skyrocketed pretty high. Isn’t it strange how our minds develop as we get older? Survival of the fittest? Or is it just adaptation? The human body is pretty neat, let alone our brain. 

I was going through my photos the other day, and got the sudden urge to delete all of them. Of course, I’m not as crazy as just upright deleting them-- so I uploaded all of them onto a drive, and then deleted them from my phone. All of them. Decided it was time for a fresh start, why not start with the one thing I open every day, right? I decided earlier today, about a week after I deleted all of my photos, that I would go into my drive to try and find a photo from September that I downloaded from a manga I was reading. Of course I got sidetracked, I scrolled to 2014 and was going through all of my old photos with my brother and my family, and then suddenly I got to 2017 and there it was. The black and white photo of you and I at the parking deck, both of us laughing as hard as we possibly could. I smiled softly of course, as the beautiful memory came rushing over me. But then something hit me. For some reason, this isn’t how I remember you. My brain forgot what you looked like, or at least started trying to. It’s been about a year since I last saw a photo of you. While the brain is so incredibly amazing, it has a bad habit of memories starting to fade, especially when it’s a person attached to bad memories as well. It works in some cases, where people are trying to forget-- but even still it does the opposite and leaves the person going “Why can’t I forget you!?”. Strange, right? The human mind is so beautiful. I can still hear you talking to me sometimes, if I try hard enough. Lately, I haven’t been so hard on myself. I’m trying to figure myself out still, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is okay that I still love you. I know I more than likely always will. That’s what love is, right? Being able to love and never losing that love, no matter what happens. 

All of this being said, I figured I would kind of recap everything that has happened in the wonderful year of 2020. It has been one hell of a ride.

January, the month of my brother’s 15th birthday. He was so happy and we all celebrated his birthday with him the following weekend. We also went hiking the same month, while it was cold; my mother, brother, and I had a blast. This month was mostly just working and being lazy on my off days. I had a fall out with my best friend.

February, I had a love hate relationship with this month. I tried dating someone new, I saw that you had gotten in a relationship two months prior and figured it was time for me to try and move on as well. Needless to say, dude was a douchebag and was a very violent individual. I left him within 3 weeks. My birth father, his newlywed wife, my cousin from my favorite uncle, whom I had never met until then, and I all went to Ruby Falls. It was quite a beautiful journey. Whilst I fought with my father, it turned out to be an okay experience. Later in the month, I ended up getting into a fight with my landlord, who was demanding that I pay extra, even though I was not behind on any payments. I ended up cooperating with them, so that I didn’t lose my home. I celebrated my little sister’s fifth birthday.

March, I lost my job. Millions and millions of other people did as well. Covid-19 struck the world. I took it lightly and just assumed that yet again, the media was blowing things out of proportion. My landlord wasn’t understanding of the fact I was put out of work, along with millions of others. They ended up being generous for the month after I showed them statistics. I ended up being lazy, doing nothing but watching Netflix and Disney plus for the entire month.

April, Corona Virus was boring at this point. We had all been told, “Oh! We’ll all be open for business again in the next two weeks!”. That was the first week of March, and it was now April. The government didn’t give us any kind of help until the last week, so that kind of fucked me. I spent most days laying in bed on TikTok. I also got super into streaming in the beginning of this month, and my platform was finally starting to take off.

May, unemployed for two months. I debated taking a job at a warehouse. Unfortunately, the media deterred me from doing so. There was a spike of cases in my state; it was terrifying. I didn’t leave my house much. I got my dog, for the first time in 4 years. It was beautiful, I cried. He was so happy to be back home. I started a routine of watching anime every morning at 7 am and then going for a walk. I wanted to get back into a daily routine, regardless if I had a job or not. I was falling behind on bills, and I really needed to distract myself. I started getting into digital art, rather than traditional, for the first time ever. I stopped making my music.

June, I reconnected with a lot of old online friends from 2013. It was strange and I didn’t really know how to feel about it. It was nostalgic in a way, spending late nights on discord calls. I didn’t really enjoy it all too much, I felt like it all needed to stay in the past. I started anti-depressants, again. This time it was Prozac. It made me feel extremely drowsy, and made me feel out of body most of the time. I tried to date, again. An old friend that I had from 2013, we reconnected and even though they were out of state, I decided-- “Hey, maybe this will be good for me. I don’t have to worry about them getting aggressive with me, we can take things slow, and we can pace ourselves.” Oh man, if only I knew. He flew down to my state, met the family, was extremely respectful and even stayed in a hotel the first trip. Everything seemed to be going okay.

July, my 21st birthday. Did I drink? No. Sounds crazy, right? I had about half a drink, and decided I just didn’t want any. I had stopped taking my antidepressants, the new boyfriend had said that I wasn’t acting right. It fed into my suspicion, that the meds weren’t doing a whole lot for me. They were just making me really sleepy and on edge all the time. The new boyfriend had come down again for my birthday and mother’s birthday, since we share the same birth week. Celebrated with my mom, her best friend, and I. July was pretty hectic, since I had decided I would be moving to West Virginia on August 5, 2020.

August, I moved to West Virginia. I packed up all of my belongings, uprooted everything I had ever known, hugged my family goodbye, and got into the back of a truck with a u-haul attached to it. I rode in the back of the vehicle for 14 hours, fell asleep in Kentucky, woke up in Ohio. It was daylight by the time we approached West Virginia. It was so beautiful, all of the mountains. I was moving into the house in which he lived in, which his sister was next door on one side, and his parents on the other side. We had the nice river breeze, since Ohio river was within eyesight. I lived in the Tri-state area so it was Pennsylvania on one side, Ohio on the other, and us-- five minutes to each state. It was a good first couple of days. Then we got into our first fight. I was unable to work, since I left my car behind. Luckily, I had saved up a bunch of money for me to be able to buy one. He hit me with really low blows, saying I didn’t need to work-- since women weren’t good for that kind of thing. It hurt, to be honest. I had never seen him like this before, in the eight years I had known of his existence. He had been with me in my hometown for three weeks and not once acted like this. I walked on eggshells, bought a car with my hard earned money, then got a management job at the Domino’s that was ten minutes from my town I was living in. Towards the end of the month, he got aggressive with me. He stopped working the same week I had moved in, he had no car. He had no ambition, he decided to just give up. Maybe that’s what I tried to see, maybe-- just maybe I could help him find some ambition. I wanted to save him, in a way? We got into a severe fight, I couldn’t take it anymore-- I fought back, and he ended up swinging on me.

September, I packed all of my belongings that I could into my tiny little Toyota, and left in the middle of the night. I had one thing on my mind, and that was to go to my mom’s house. My mother had known how bad he had gotten, since he acted such a way with my mother on the phone, unknowingly. I drove for 15 hours, well 13 but with rest stops to nap for a bit since I was running off of no sleep, but I finally ended up back home. I ended up staying with my mom for a bit. Later had to relocate, so I moved in with an old friend. Started streaming again.

October, Worked. Literally worked the entire month, my entire existence fell into dread. I became overly aware of how much time had passed. I felt like I had been doing nothing. I dreaded the last day of the month, every day just gave me more and more sadness.  I didn’t want the day to come. I started dreaming of you more and more and more. Halloween came, I decided to look at it differently, I started to thank you-- rather than try to hate you. I came to the conclusion that I would never hate you.

November, Thanksgiving! I started to become grateful, moved back into my mom’s house. It was a bumpy ride, but I managed to get back into the habit of doing healthy things. Started going to the gym again, drinking more water. I told my father he was dead to me, haven’t spoken to him since. I got to spend Thanksgiving with my real family, my mother and her best friend’s family. They watched me grow up since the day I was born. It was so much better than any other holiday I had ever had up to this date.

December, I started a new form of medicine. This time it was for anxiety, since that’s the main factor of my illness-- or so we think so far. I am on escitalopram, and I started it the week before Christmas. I got to see my real family again. It was nice, but this time I got to reunite with my childhood best friend for the first time in fifteen years. It was so lovely. I have become almost bedridden again, but it won’t last long-- since it’s just a side effect of my medicine. I also got to see some friends from high school, but then I realized-- they’re the exact same way they’ve been since the beginning. They wanted nothing but to talk about drama. It just isn’t my thing, I don’t like dealing with people much anymore, because of the constant drama. I’ve learned a lot about people changing, and the lack thereof.

I think this year has been a year full of lessons for me, and it has been tough. As they say, there’s no pleasure without pain, no pain no gain, right? This year has taught me a lot about myself and the people around me, and I am extremely grateful for the things I have experienced. I’ve learned so much about who I am as a person. I’ve grown a lot, while this year has kicked my ass. I have high hopes for the next year. For the first time, since 2016, I finally see a future in myself, by myself. 

To New Beginnings, Lovebug.

I love you, always.

22:27

#dear lover #dear love #letters to the one i love most #letters to the one i loved most #letters to you

[essaysbyciara]

Old Habits Die Hard| Part Two: Just Be Good To Me

 Yahya Abdul-Mateen II x Dave East x Y/N Fic

SYNOPSIS | PART ONE: DAYS BEFORE

Warnings: Language, Lightweight mentions of sexual situations, brief marijuana use 

Y’all. I’m so overwhelmed by the love I’ve received for this story. Thank you to everyone who read, liked, commented and/or followed me on here. Taglist is STILL OPEN. *squees from joy*

JUST BE GOOD TO ME

Your finger traces the tattoos that dart up and down Dave’s back, the smoke from his blunt curling around his head as he leans back to inhale. The box fan on top of the dresser can only do so much as you push the sheets down to your knees so your torso can catch a quick cool down. You love watching the sweat trail down Dave’s spine. You try to catch each drop before they hit the mattress. 

“I forgot your bougie ass don’t smoke.” You crawl behind Dave, wrapping your supple legs around his waist. Your arms prop up your body so you can get a better look at him as he takes another pull. Dave instinctively starts to caress your left knee with his free hand. Your skin feels like cotton candy to him. You taste even sweeter. 

“You’re gonna stop calling me bougie...” You chuckle gently as you plant gentle kisses on Dave’s shoulder.  

“You know I like messing with you. Chill.” Dave lifts himself off of the bed. He still isn’t used to your love language. You pout as he walks up to his dresser to grab his phone. You try to weaken the feelings of dismissal but Dave catches your body language change in his mirror’s reflection as you lean over the bed to grab your clothes from off the floor. He realizes it was a mistake to walk away from you. 

“Yo. Come here.” You answer Dave’s command, lifting up the sheets to wrap them around your body like a towel. “Fuck the sheets. Come here.” A mischievous grin covers your face. Dave elicits confidence and freedom from you like never before. You walk over to him, hips swaying to the beat of the bass that’s blasting holes throughout the atmosphere outside. Before you can even get within an inch of him, Dave picks you up and sits you on top of the dresser. He kisses you so deep that your legs can’t help but to swing open like a broken screen door. The bass cranking from one of the cars outside sets the pace for your next round with Dave. 

“Fuck…” 

“My bad, Y/N. These potholes ain’t no joke up here.” Yahya’s not-so-smooth driving wakes you up from your slumber. You look down to witness the silent quivering  pulsate from between your legs. This isn’t the first time you’ve dreamed about Dave since you accepted his friend request a few days ago but the closer you were to getting back to Philly, the more intense they became. You grab Yahya’s hand to assuage your guilt. He smiles. Unlike Dave, he needs no help deciphering your love language. 

“It’s okay, babe. I needed to wake up. We’re super close to Aunt Jerri’s.” 

“Should I be scared about meeting your family? You made it seem like they’re gonna cut me if I don’t come correct.”

“Aye, they might.” You tease Yahya. Your left hand starts to caress his inner thigh. “They won’t mess with you. Aunt Jerri always got the family in line, I’m sure. She loves you already and she’s the biggest test to pass.” 

“Good. I really wanted to leave the lawyer that I am back home. Where should I park though?” 

You reorient yourself to the surroundings to direct Yahya to the back street behind Aunt Jerri’s house. You already see the smoke billowing from the barbeques on the street and hear the little ones’ laughs and screams. You also see all of your Dad’s brothers on the back porch playing spades and they’re already at peak shit-talking form.  “You know how to play spades, right?” 

“Don’t let this Berkeley degree fool you, Y/N.” The vibrations from your phone break up your laughter. You open your phone to see an Instagram notification from Dave. You set up post notifications to track him, lying to yourself enough to believe it was to keep tabs on Dave so you wouldn’t run into him at the block party. Your heart knows the truth. He just posted a picture of him and his cousin Pardi posted on his porch. He and his boys are outside ready to play. 

“Is that my Y/N!” 

“Hey Uncle Ro!” Uncle Rodney -- or Ro --  was a barrel of a man who always wore his Sunday best even in the hottest of the weather. He was a preacher at an Pentecostal church who could drink the rest of the family up under the couch. He pulls you in for a hug. You try not to soak in the smells of sweat mixed with Christian Brothers emanating from his body. 

Yahya trails behind you with his hands inside of his pockets because of the growing fear quaking his bones. The spades game has suddenly stopped in its tracks and your other uncles -- Trace and Larry -- and Mr. Reed, who has always been like an uncle to you, start to ice grill Yahya down to his socks. Your Dad must have sent a bat signal from heaven for his brothers to stand tall on his behalf. 

“Y/N! Y/N!!!!!!! Heyyyyyyyyyyyy!” Aunt Jerri breaks up the detente at just the right time. She hugs you with so much force that your eyes almost pop out of their sockets. “And look who we have here, huh? You must be Mr. Yahya. He looks so much like T doesn’t he, Trace….” 

Trace doesn’t respond, still acting as a stand-in for your father. 

“Yahya, baby, don’t let them scare you. Bring your ass in the house.” Yahya feels relieved as Aunt Jerri drags him by the hand into her house to meet more of your family. You follow right behind. 

“Trace, you can relax. The dude bought bags of ice. He’s aight with me,” says your Uncle Larry. Trace doesn’t respond, instead throwing down a ten of spades that erupts the entire table. 

“Run up to the store right quick, Quaadir.” Dave passes a ten dollar bill to his nephew. 

“No, nigga.” Quaadir folds his arms and sticks out his lower lip like it’ll change Dave’s mind. Quaadir is not old enough to be on the corner but he’s talking like them.

“Yo, Pardi. Your son think he brolic. You hear him?! Nigga, what?” Pardi only looks at Quaadir and he quickly changes his mind. “He picking all this up from his moms, man.” The porch erupts in laughter. 

Dave needed this laugh. Especially after seeing your engagement pictures with Yahya. 

It wasn’t what he was expecting to see when he requested to follow you on Instagram. You looked happy and at peace. The paintings inside of the art gallery where you took your engagement photos looked to be showing their approval of your impending union. Dave couldn’t front: you two looked good together. 

You and Dave didn’t go on many dates during your two-week romance. There wasn’t enough time and the time you did have only found you mostly under Dave’s body. The only official date you two went on was when you took him to the Anthropology and Archaeology museum located on the University of Pennsylvania’s campus. He watched you grow in excitement at every exhibit, reading every placard and hanging to the museum docent’s every word. He saw your joy and felt honored to witness it. 

He felt the opposite of joy as he read one of the captions under your pictures. You called Yahya “your favorite discovery.” Your nickname for Dave was “favorite”. You were Dave’s favorite and he lost out on you and that hurt like hell. Nevertheless,  he couldn’t stop scrolling down your Instagram feed. He wanted to see pictures from last summer and of the body,  face, smile and the style of the woman who caused him to want to make an entire course correct on that thing called life. He saw that you still had it all. Asking Ariel was such a waste of time and being at this block party was triggering as all get out. 

People always talking ‘bout reputation… I don’t care about those other girls, just be good to me … ooooooo

“Just Be Good To Me” cascades down Reed Street in a way that you’ve never heard. You missed this place and this time during the summer when everything stops to allow the neighborhood to bask in delight. It was a feeling you desperately needed last year after you decided to ditch a week in the Bahamas and a week of recuperating at home to spend two weeks at Aunt Jerri’s house. Truth be told was that the Bahamas once had a man attached to it but that fell through. 

That’s what led you to go after Dave. 

“It’s hot at Hades out here, my Lord.” Aunt Jerri fans herself as she sits on her stoop overlooking the busy street full of barbeque grills, babies splashing inside of kiddie pools and a DJ blasting everyone’s favorite R&B of the 80s. 

“Rodney! Rodneyyyy! Boy, toss me a Lime-A-Rita. It’s lit cityyyyyyyy!”

“Mom! Who on Earth taught you about anything being “lit”?!” Ariel’s embarrassment grows at her mother’s attempts to be cool. 

“Oh, I’m hip! Too hip to be a square, eyyyy!” She sways ever so gently to “Square Biz” by Teena Marie. 

“Ari, leave her alone! Uncle Rodney, don’t indulge her please.” You sip on your Hennessy with ice because, unlike Aunt Jerri, you were free to indulge. Yahya holds you from behind, sipping the last of his Heineken in between fits of laughter. Your Uncle Trace passes another bottle to Yahya as a peace offering and as an official welcome to the family. Your Dad must’ve sent a message to Trace to stand down. Your yellow sundress with a thigh high split up to high heavens is cooling you off as the heat rises from off of the asphalt. 

“Y/N … you don’t tell Rodney what to do! I do! Let me be great!”

“You got it, Aunt Jerri!” Yahya kisses your right cheek and grips you tighter. He feels right at home and you’re so relieved that he’s here. 

“You know what I need someone to get? More paper plates. Run down to the store, Trace.”

“You got it, Sis.” 

Trace’s fashion sense was stuck in 1996; Ghostface Killah and Raekwon would be so proud. Trace was -- and still is --  feared, revered, loved and lusted over. He was the Dave of his time, his roster of women certified. Truth is that he could still build one, Trace capturing the attention of all of the 40-plus-year-old women on the street as he walks down to the store. He still had it. 

“Yo, Trace!” Dave hops up from the steps of his Aunt’s house to show Trace some love. Trace got Dave an overnight warehouse job years ago and he’s been indebted to him ever since. 

“Peace, king. What’s good?” Dave wants to ask Trace about you but last time he asked someone else in your family, it didn’t end the way he planned. 

“Shit, Trace. Just waiting for the street lights to come on so we can really get it in out here. You at Ms. Jerri’s crib? Everybody up there?” 

“Yeah. Everybody. You remember my niece, Y/N? She came up too.” 

Dave’s mind screams every expletive known to man. He wonders if you came up with you-know-who but asking Trace would open up old wounds and expose a decision that Trace explicitly forbade him not to make. 

Dave was Trace 2.0 and Trace knew it. He didn’t want that for his niece so when he saw Dave flirting with you at last year’s block party, he made it a point to pull Dave to the side to ask him in not-so-nicely terms to knock it off. 

You worked all the way around that threat with the help of Aunt Jerri. 

Aunt Jerri encouraged you to “remember that you’re on vacation” and that “what goes on here, stays here.” She saw the way you looked at Dave. It was the same way she gazed at your Uncle Terrence when she first met him. You were beyond smitten, turned on by the way he walked and talked. Dave could hem you up and pick you up. He oozed confidence that almost crossed into obnoxiousness. You wanted him and couldn’t hide it and Aunt Jerri encouraged to “have some fun with all of that.” She vowed to keep your secret from your Uncle Trace. You didn’t know it would turn into two of the most passionate weeks you would ever have and subsequently the worst heartbreak you ever felt. 

“Yeah, I do.” That’s all Dave could muster up to say as he feels his heart boil over. He daps up Trace, sits back down on the steps and opens up Instagram. 

Yo. You up here? 

Taglist: @yoursoulstea​​ @harleycativy​ @twistedcharismaaa​ @dorkskinneded​​ @need-my-fics​ @ghostfacekill-monger​ @writerbee-ffs​ @chaneajoyyy​ 

#yahya abdul-mateen ii x reader #yahya abdul-mateen ii #dave east #dave east fic #fanfiction #old habits die hard

[ihaventspokenyet]

Nothing A Little Red Lipstick Can’t Solve (Mando x Reader)

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: language, flirting, suggestive language (no actual intercourse), drinking, make-out (kinda?), reader insert (idk if that’s a warning), this was made and edited around 4 am soooooo yeah

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the mentioned characters from, “The Mandalorian”. I do not own you and have no affiliation with Disney, Disney Plus, or The Mandalorian. This is simply a fan fiction story.

A/N: It’s like 4 am and I just needed to get this out of my system. It’s not like super smutty, but I’ve been dying to write about Mando for some time and just needed to post something. Please leave back constructive criticism if you can and I hope this isn’t too bad. ALSO this is a repost bc it wasn’t showing up in the tags

—

The yearly ball was being thrown and everyone who was somebody or extremely wealthy would be there. Famous across the galaxy for being lavish and full of women and men who held a high status in their planets, it was only accessible via an invite or through connections. Your father had been a contributor for the event since you could remember, so he and his family were always welcome at the event; however, you were never really one for a crowded dance floor full of sweaty bodies and girls who acted a little too helpless in hopes of luring in a sugar daddy. But this week was different, you had been stuck inside your home with little entertainment due to a security breach and your father wanted to ensure his families safety. You were antsy and deprived of your fun for far too long so you decided a night of messing with the hearts of “pretty boys” who only wanted to get in your pants would be great entertainment for your dull week.

So here you are, preparing with your friend ,Seliah, since you didn’t want to be alone all night. Deciding to dress less flashy than most, you opted for a long pale pastel-blue satin dress with a slightly slightly plunged neckline and a slit in the middle starting from just above your knees. You decorated your outfit with a white shawl that hung just below your shoulders, nude heels, and a deep red lip.

Looking at yourself in the mirror and satisfied with your appearance, you made your way to the ball. The evening began a little hectic as men and some women swarmed you for pictures, a chance to engage with someone of such a high profile, or in attempts to pursued you into participating in lewd activities.

After successfully shooing everyone away, you had settled down to talk with Seliah and decided to order a drink in hopes of replacing the boredom with a little booze. You had noticed a handsome young man eyeing her all night and–deciding to be a good friend, encouraged her to talk to him--but now you were completely and utterly drenched in boredom.

A metallic glint caught your attention and you were surprised to see a fellow (or perhaps toned lady?) decked out in beskar, extremely unfitting of the occasion. Surprised you didn’t see him sooner and pleased to see such a change in pace in this type of event, you smirked to yourself; you smelled adventure. This person was either important, intimidated their way in, or had manage to gain entry by lying. A tingle ran down your spine, boy were you feeling mischievous at thought of stirring up some trouble with the helmeted being. Downing the last of your drink and re-applying your lipstick, you sauntered your way over to the Mandalorian.

“I have to say, I absolutely love the way you’re dressed. Very fitting for the occasion,” you purred and slipped into the chair next to them.

The person snorted and, although slightly distorted by the modulator, sounded like a man.

“Man of few words huh? You don’t see many Mandalorians often, especially not here. I’m guessing you’re here to stir up some trouble,” you speculated.

“You’re Aldone L/N’s daughter. It’s a surprise to see you at an event like this.” He finally spoke up, turning his head to look at you.

“So I was right, there’s no way you’re a casual attendee would pay attention to me,” you smirked. “So what’re you here for? Let me guess, one of these assholes got themselves into trouble and managed to get a bounty on their head?” you questioned.

“I have no business with you. I suggest you turn away before you get yourself into trouble,” he responded, looking back at his untouched drink.

You chuckled and leaned in close to his helmet, “That may work on anyone else, but I’m sure you know that if you tried to lay as much as a finger on me, my father would put a bounty on your head and that would risk your little operation.” You speculated in a hushed tone, “Am I wrong?”

“What do you want?” He finally asked, standing to look at you and clearly readying himself to leave.

“I want in on whatever you’re going to pull tonight.. You can’t deny that I would be a beneficial ally.” you proposed, standing in an attempt to match his demeanor but he was much taller, despite your heals.

“What do you gain from helping me?” He asked, puzzled and hesitant to believe that the daughter of a powerful man who he was going to rob from would help him.

You grinned, with mischief was prominent in your eyes, ”to ruin the fun of all the dirty bastards here and to minorly inconvenience ‘daddy’s’ event… also, why would I miss the chance at fun night with a Mandalorian?”

“Fine. But if you try to sell me out-” he started.

“Yeah yeah big guy, i’ve heard it all,” you shushed him and took a sip of his drink.

He had hesitantly explained part of the plan and omitted any specific information; grab some documents that held information regarding someone he had captures (can you guess who? ). The hardest part would be making your way up with such a flashy man.

“Follow my lead.” you whispered to him, grabbing his hand and placing a flirty smile on your face.

He definitely didn’t trust you yet, so he was hesitant to follow you and he wasn’t one for physical touch; you were only slightly overstepping his boundaries. Your sudden grasp of his (armored) hand threw him off. If the touching wasn’t enough, he definitely didn’t expect whatever the hell you were going to do next.

“Ma’am nobody is allowed to-” a guard had attempted to stop you, but you flashed a pass.

“I have special access. And I just want a room, if you catch my drift.” you said flashing Mando a flirty look.

The guard became embarrassed and uncomfortable at your insinuation.

“Ye-Yes ma’am,” he stuttered, stepping aside.

You pulled the Mandalorian up the stairs and he followed closely, albeit a bit flustered at your actions--he’d never admit it though.

“Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable there. It’s just that stuff like that makes people more vulnerable to persuasion,” you threw him a smile.

You turned a few hallways and finally made your way to the one that held the papers. This hallway was forbidden, even for you, so you’d have to be extra careful. You heard a guard approaching so you quickly messed up your hair and wrapped Mando’s hand across your waist.

Leaning in close, you whispered a quick, “Take me to a room, I’m drunk.”

He thankfully got the message and gave a curt nod.

“Hey! You can’t be here!” An armed guard made his way to you both.

“Mr. Aldones daughter needs a place to sober up, we’re just looking for a room.” he spoke as you acted like the best damn drunk you could concur up from (many) passed experiences.

“This is a forbidden area.” He cautioned.

You immediately pretended to cry, “Don’t yell at me! I’m going to tell daddy you’re being insabordinate!” You slurred and hiccupped.

“Nice going, you made the girl cry,” the Mandalorian spoke up. You could hear the slightest hint of amusement from him.

“No I-I didn’t mean to- Please don’t tell your father,” he begged.

“I’ll make sure she keeps quiet, but you should get out of here. You know what her father would do to someone who makes his daughter upset, don’t you?” Mando warned.

The guard nodded and thanked Mando before running off.

“You don’t seem like the type that would act so well.” You replied, wiping a bit of mascara and loose tears from your eyes.

You took out your key and fiddled with the lock.

“Shit..” you mumbled. This lock was reinforced much better than the rest, “I can’t-”

“Move aside,” Mando spoke.

Pressing some buttons on his wrist cuff, the Mandalorian successfully shot the lock. He entered quickly and looked through the papers inside. He found a locked box hidden between a messy pile of books and smashed it with his fists. The grunt he let out from the power of his punch caused a shock to course through your body and your thighs to clench.

“I got it-” he was cut off by a screeching alarm.

“Shitshitshit..” your eyes widened with  genuine fear of being caught filled your body.

You must’ve been blinded by your want of fun because you genuinely didn’t think about the consequences of being caught. Mando quickly took your wrist and ran down to the hall into the nearest bathroom.

“Okayokay, it’s fine this is fine,” you breathed, beginning to hyperventilate.

You liked to cause chaos, but you might’ve gone too far this time; why was this document so important? If you survived this, you were never coming here again. Suddenly, an idea popped into your mind (definitely not a good one, but it was really your only chance of running free).

“I got it!” you yelled, digging through your purse for your dark red lipstick, “if there’s one thing i’ve learned from years of fucking around, it’s that theres nothing a red lipstick can’t solve.” you said while you pulled out the delicate tube.

Quickly leaning over the mirror, you applied a coat of the silky crimson color and then smeared it with your hand. You went to apply a second coat and then turned to face him.

“Not to sound thirsty, but we have to make out so they think we’re doing it.. and I know the faces of Mandalorians can’t be seen so you’ll have to give me some marks as proof, I can wrap my eyes with this shawl” You spoke urgently, but awkwardly.

He seemed to stare at you through his visor for a good minute, likely looking for an alternative to making out. You began to feel small under his gaze, maybe the idea was THAT terrible and he was rethinking his alliance with you? You hoped he wouldn’t think you’re too strange after this. The bounty hunter tried to think of an alternative, coming up with nothing, he sighed and went to lock the door and shut the lights.

“Turn around and close your eyes,” he ordered, waiting for you to comply.

You hesitantly turned your back to him and heard the sound of something popping off and then hissing. You won’t lie, the authority in his voice was very… alluring. You felt a heavy pressure over your head, before realizing he was sliding the helmet onto your head and your vision was purely black.

“… I’m sorry about this..” He spoke, seeming genuinely apologetic.

“No worries cowboy, you’re not the worst person I could be stuck doing this with,” you joked, hoping to ease his tension, “in fact, your voice tells me you’re a real looker,” you teased.

Snorting, he held your hip and hesitantly dove for your neck. All he needed to do was leave two or three marks so it would be believable. Your breathe hitched as he began running his lips over your throat. Biting your lip and gripping his shoulder, you forced yourself to swallow gasps he gently coaxed reddish-purple bruises to the surface with his lips; you didn’t want to seem too eager.

“They won’t think anything’s happening if you don’t make noise,” He warned with an even voice, only slightly breathless from his actions.

Was he unfazed by all of this? Here you were struggling to contain ALL sorts of noises, only for him to be nonchalant about the whole situation. Hurt because of his seeming lack of interest, you were pulled into your thoughts. Trying to feel where you were (and trying to not accidentally touch you too inappropriately) he slid his hand to your knee and gave it a good squeeze; a warning that you had to make this believable. Increasing the pressure of his kiss to you throat, you let out a few breathy groans just as someone knocked on the door. Mando quickly took his helmet off of you and placed it on his head. You slid your dress straps off of your shoulder and pretended to cover your chest with your shawl before opening the door.

“Y-yes? Is there a problem,” you asked flushed and breathless because you felt like a mess and because you were (unfortunately) turned on.

“Oh um.. I don’t suppose you heard anybody sneaking around here, down that hallway,” a female guard asked, flustered and pointed to the hallway you had just stolen from.

“No, I’ve been..” you cleared your throat and smiled, “busy in here.”

She nodded and ran off to check the rest of the rooms. Checking the hallway, you pulled your straps up and pulled the Mandalorian down the stairs and back to the first floor. Amongst the commotion, you had managed to escape the building and ran with Mando to wherever he was going. Embarassed that you looked like a mess from the fake “sex”, you covered your face with the small shawl. You stopped behind an alleyway and caught your breath.

“Thank you.. It couldn’t have gone better without you,” Mando spoke up.

You looked up at him, flushed, and nodded your head slowly while wiping away the lipstick you had smeared on your chin.

“No worries, this was exciting. A little too exciting.. I doubt I’ll be doing any shenanigans anytime soon,” you laughed awkwardly.

He let out a chuckle and pulled out a pouch.

“I’m sorry for the..” he trailed off pointing to his neck, “Take this, for your trouble.” he handed you a pouch of money.

You shook your head, “Keep it. This was fun and in case you’ve forgotten, I am wealthy,” you joked in a stereotypical pompous accent, “If you ever decide to come back, maybe we can spend some more time together,” you suggested, hoping you’d see him again.

He thought about it, nodded, and turned to leave with a final thanks. You sighed and leaned up against the wall; he turned you the hell on and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want more. Biting your lip you began to walk home, smirking to yourself as you remembered the red-lip mark you’d left on the inside of his mask; he had to have seen it and you were curious as to why he didn’t mention it.

“Y/N! There you are! Where the hell did you go?” Seliah yelled in the distance.

“Hey Sel? Where did you buy me this lipstick again? I accidentally broke it,” You spoke.

“Um? Are we going to ignore the fact that you look like a total mess?” She sighed, “let’s take you home, we can shop for it tomorrow… wait where did you get those hickies?! Your father is going to kill you!”

“He can’t if he doesn’t find out,” you sung and began walking home.

#the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian smut #the mandalorian imagine #mando x reader #mando x you #mando x cara #mandalorian #din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin imagine #din djarin fic #dyn narren x reader #dyn jarren #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fic #star wars #starwars #baby yoda #cara dune #cara dune x reader #fanfic #smut #the mandalorian x y/n #mando x y/n #din djaren x y/n

[bnha-hcs]

Japan’s #1 Housewife - Chapter 1

“Tiki” you say “Why are you starting another series when you already have like 4 you haven’t touch at all during your absence”

Shhh I say it’s okay one day I’ll get to those even though I’ve been so dead. Plus I’ve been sitting on this idea for like a month and I need to get it out. Anyways here’s my new Aizawa X Fem Reader series Chapter 1 that literally no one asked for hrrrrrg

You’re Japan’s #1 housewife. Your quirk is to be able to make things larger or smaller to which you use the full extent of in your cooking specials on TV and other promotional appearances for commercials and product lines. If you need a bigger pot for cooking, you just use your quirk to make it bigger. If the pieces you chopped up are too big, you just make them smaller. You live in a large suite in the middle of the city with a spectacular view and are paid more money than you know what to do with. You’ve written many books since high school about cooking and how to manage a family of picky eaters in a mini series on an early morning talk show. It’s a busy life, and yet… You find yourself bored sometimes with what to do.

Despite you being called Japan’s #1 housewife you’re… actually not married at all. In fact you have all the suitors in the world coming after you and it’s everyday you have to sift through a mountain of love letters just to get to your real work. Your assistants are sweet enough, but sometimes it’s a little hard hearing about their love lives and how they’re all getting married. You’re much younger than a lot of the cooking hosts that you’ve been with on shows, and it’s been a question as of late of whether or not you’ve found yourself a lover and be the real housewife that your namesake suggests.

You were at an interview this morning on the news about a new recipe book you had come out with recently when they main hosts popped a series of questions. You had to sheepishly tiptoe around the situation and say that you hadn’t been thinking about it lately. It was true though, the thought never seems to pop up, and with your hands full with your work and any sort of charity work you can have your secretaries fit into your schedule… you were honestly too busy for a relationship right now. Until this afternoon apparently decided to prove you wrong. And today you realized that you shouldn’t have taken your “boring” life for granted.

It had been such a long time, and though you hated to admit it, you once thought you could make it at a hero. You had enrolled at UA for a while, but truth be told you actually couldn’t cut it. Your two best friends were so understanding of you when you decided you were going to transfer to a different set of classes. Even though you were super smart when it came to grades, it just didn’t work out for you when it came down to heroics. But today you had decided to catch up with your old friends. They were teachers at UA now, being full fledged heroes for years, and you couldn’t be prouder.

“Yooooo (Y/N)!” You heard Hizashi yell from the table at the cafe.

“Shhh!!” You hushed him while putting your finger to your lips. People were already starting to look over to you as they heard your name. “You can’t just yell like that!!”

“You seem to have forgotten who you’re friends with, (Y/N)”

You turned your attention to the second male at the table, your bag falling down your arm as you went to sit down in the third seat. Shouta looked the same as always - tired and ready for either a nap or 20 shots of espresso.

“I guess so, but you could try a little harder not to blow my cover.” You sighed, pushing your sunglasses up. “I’d rather not be swarmed at a cafe if we can avoid it…”

The two of them gave you a deadpanned look and you pouted a little bit. To be fair, it was your idea to meet up with them for some lunch, barely managing to fit this in between the three of your schedules. Being an adult was hard… You could’ve just met up at your flat downtown but you just felt like that was too… boring. It was nice outside too!! On a day like this you hated to be in a stuffy old room.

“Anyways… how have you two been? I hope your students aren’t driving you insane.” You sigh, fiddling with the ends on the menu as you looked it over. After a few moments you reached over to Shouta’s plate to steal some of his coffee cake before taking a sip of a cup of coffee that they had already ordered for you.

Hizashi and Shouta shared a look and you instantly knew that it was unfortunately not that easy. You had heard all of the things happening with the league of villains and all the attacks that happened. Especially after the fall of All Might, things at UA had been hectic to say the least. Seems like the days never let any of you rest.

“I’m sure you already know how things have been on our end.” Shouta mumbled  making you feel a tad bit bad for even asking. Even Hizashi seemed a little more worn down than usual as he just tiredly nods. You all share a sigh.

“But yo (Y/N)!! You’ve been up to a lot recently too haven’t you??” The blond suddenly asks, springing up in his chair.

“Oh you know… just the usual same old same old…” You mumble. “The press can’t seem to leave me alone about my love life.”

“Why don’t you just wear a fake engagement ring like every other single person your age. Maybe they’ll stop asking.” Shouta suggested. You squished your face with your hands as you thought about it

“It’s not that easy I have to actually HAVE someone related to it.” You sighed taking the ring you had gotten last week off your left middle finger, putting it on the ring finger to see how it looked. “But maybe I can try it…”

“You still haven’t found someone??” Hizashi asks in such large surprise that you can’t tell if he’s serious or not. “At this rate you’re going to die old and alone. I’ll light a candle for you, (Y/N).”

“Oh shut your face loudmouth.” You almost hiss at him. “I don’t see either of you with rings on your fingers either!!”

“Hizashi is too loud he just scares everyone away.”

“Hey that’s mean!!”

“Shouta’s kind of right though you are kind of-”

“IT’S WHO I AM.”

“Shhhh!!!” You’re laughing and trying to get Hizashi to stop screaming in the cafe. Multiple people have already been eyeing you this whole time making you uneasy. If your friend was going to continue being loud and lament about your teasing, you might have to take this elsewhere before-

“There she is!!!”

Ah shit.

In a flurry there’s a mass of reporters, cameramen, and photographers coming at you. You’re groaning and looking at your friends with such dread on your face that they can’t help but laugh. The crowd now coming every closer, you’re begging them to help get you out of here, but it looks like you’re all stuck as everyone begins to crowd around you. There’s nothing but strings of questions being thrown at you, some about your latest work, others about your next appearance on the hit new competitive cooking show, or if you think that you’ll still have brand deals with All Might after his big secret came out. But most of them are…

“Are you currently on a date with two of your suitors??”

“Who are these men that you’re with today??”

“Wait aren’t those two teachers at UA?!”

“Miss (Y/N), are you keeping a secret love life from the media?? When are you going to release your love interest??”

Oh what a fucking bother. You’re groaning even louder now.

“Oh no these two are just old friends of mine from high school and we just wanted to-”

“But Miss (Y/N) we saw you sharing a coffee cake with THIS man right here!! How do you explain that!!”

“It was an indirect kiss you two shared the same fork!!”

Oh gods is this a goddamn high school drama??? What are these reporters about anyways… Oh wait sHIT THE RI-

In a loud chorus of voices you hear all the people in the crowd are now seeing the new placement of the ring on your finger and it’s definitely NOT GOOD. You feel your soul leaving your body as you send Shouta a side glare. This was his idea!! Now you’re in more trouble than you wanted to be in right now, and you were sure it couldn’t get any worse. But of course it could!! Because this wouldn’t be interesting if there wasn’t some sort of sick twist at the end!!

Glancing over at Hizashi you can tell that he’s trying hard to hold in his laughter, and you could believe that him seeing his two friends being mistaken as being married was probably the funniest thing in his damn life right now. Especially because it’s Shouta, and the thought of that man ever being married to such a dedicated and well known housewife like you was… well, it was a fun thought to entertain wasn’t it? So why not help it along the way?

“That’s right folks you heard it first here!! Japan’s Number One Housewife is married to the underground hero Eraserhead!!!”

You and Shouta stop dead and look at each other with wide eyes, slowing turning to face Hizashi with such blatant rage and intent to kill that if this wasn’t a public place with crowds of witnesses… he’d definitely be dead. The two of you watched as reporters rushed over to the loud mouthed idiot that just sealed their fate, to ask him questions about you. You’re so embarrassed that you feel like you could die right here and now. There was no way you’d be able to get your ass out of this mess now. And as the cafe became more and more bustling with people it became more apparent that this wasn’t just a dream either.

It was a goddamned nightmare.

#bnha imagines #bnha scenarios #bnha #aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #ITS YA BOI #i'm still dying make no mistake #this is based off my oc btw

[statusquoergo]

tl;dr: WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Buckle up, everyone, this is one hell of a ride.

Open on Harvey entering the living room just as Donna’s getting off the phone with her father, plus two cups of coffee to set us up for this delightfully domestic exchange:

“Is that for me?” “Why, yes it is. A handsome coffee for my handsome man.” “What do you want?” “Why do I have to want something to give you a compliment?” “You don’t, but you do. You know you’re not the only one who can do that.” “You heard me on the phone with my father, didn’t you?” “Okay, you’re the only one who can do that.”

So…here’s the thing about this. Harvey and Donna have known each other for nineteen-ish years. They’ve been dating for, at most, a few weeks. Every single time they’ve talked about their relationship status, it’s been in glowing terms; “I’m finally where I’m supposed to be,” “We both are” (s09e01), “She’s the most important person in my life” (s09e02), etc. Now Donna is gearing up to propose an activity that’s important to her that she knows Harvey won’t want to do—she wants to tell her father that they’re a couple—and her lead-in is…preparing him a cup of coffee and calling him handsome. If she’s trying to butter him up, that’s some pretty weak sauce, and if not…

Harvey responding to such a gesture by asking what she wants is a red flag all on its own (he’s suspicious when she does things for him, even something as small as a cup of coffee), but since he heard her on the phone, I’m gonna give this one a pass. The real problem lies where it always does on this show: Lack of communication. Harvey and Donna have been incredibly close friends for nineteen years and she knows how important family is to him; this is a serious thing that she knows she’s going to get some resistance to, she should be able to ask him to mend fences with her father without making it some kind of game. Instead she resorts to a tactic more reminiscent of a teenager easing the way for a bad report card than a romantic partner seeking a personal favor, and I know that being a couple is different from being friends, but they’ve known each other for so long, she should have a better sense of how to handle this kind of thing. (Then again, this is Donna of “accost Harvey in the dead of night and kiss him to figure out my romantic uncertainty even though I know he has a girlfriend and is terrified of becoming unfaithful” fame, so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised.)

Lest you think I’m making mountains out of molehills, the conversation ends with her dismissal to “Put [his] big boy pants on and find [them] a restaurant, or [her] father won’t be the only Paulsen [he has] to worry about.” So. Like. The “partnership” aspect of this partnership is really coming along.

We’re afforded the opportunity to wash our hands of this unpleasantness with a mostly-good exchange between Faye and Katrina, during which Faye requests her to adapt a new code of conduct for the firm and my only little nitpick is that Faye declares that she made the right decision in assigning the task to Katrina after Katrina says she’ll only do it if Faye accepts her draft “wholesale or not at all,” which just seems like a weird thing for Faye to want her to demand. Then Alex has an eight-years-ago flashback to flesh out that whole “Tommy Bratton framed him for covering up a murder conspiracy at Danbury” thing from Season 7 as some guy named Craig, who was apparently a coworker of Alex’s during his time at Bratton Gould, shows up in the present day to put the screws to him to accept an offer already on the table in Specter Litt Wheeler Williams’ case against Panasonic (Panasonic, really?) in exchange for not letting Alex’s involvement “get out.” Alex seems surprised by this development, but it sure does explain those stoical looks he’s been putting on at random foreshadowy intervals this season.

I think the next scene is supposed to be some kind of comic relief as Louis storms into a conference room and lets loose a generic and expletive-laden rant against the bewildered man and woman seated at the table; they inform him that they’re Susan’s parents, and he quickly backpedals with some “this is how not to behave” bullshit and tells them his name is Alex Williams. This would be hideously inappropriate behavior even if they were opposing counsel on whatever case he thought he was handling; the moment Louis opened with “Alright, you sons of bitches,” I was sure it was another one of his delusional episodes, but no, apparently he’s just got terrible business etiquette. Not to worry, though, because all of this is just a means to segue into Louis moaning to Gretchen that he needs her back because his current temp, Norma’s granddaughter Norma III, is grossly incompetent.

Back to the A plot. Donna and her father are out to breakfast where she giddily divulges her relationship status, and Mr. James Paulsen greets the news a little more tepidly than she was expecting. She prompts him to voice his misgivings, and he says that from everything she’s told him over the years, Harvey sounds like a pretty selfish guy. (Which of course begs the question of what she’s been telling him, but I don’t think we’re going to dwell on that. Also James has met him; he can form his own firsthand opinion.) In another example of truly stellar communication skills, Donna exclaims that she told Harvey her father would be happy for her when she told him about them (point of order, she said he would be happy for them), and he asks if they can start the breakfast over. She mutters a petulant “Sure, Dad. Sure,” and that’s all we’re going to get of that for now.

Flashback alert: It seems that the History of Craig is that he really, really wanted the Masterson account that Bratton gave to Alex (to frame him for covering up the conspiracy) and they had a falling out when Alex didn’t tell him about it. In the present day, Alex asks Samantha to take the deal in the Panasonic case because Craig is his friend, but she immediately figures out that this is about the Masterson thing (which he thought “had gone away,” so maybe all those thousand yard stares were about something else) and tells him to tell Rosalie the whole story.

Faye shows up in Donna’s office for a little plot integration, calling to attention the fact that it’s “a clear conflict” for “two of the five members of management [to] have undue influence over each other”; as Harvey is a senior partner, his vote is more important than Donna’s (which is exactly what I said), but if he wants to give up his vote, that’s fine with her as long as they’re not both going to have one. Far be it from me to laud Suits for not being sexist, but this is a decent, if probably accidental, little sidestep; as COO, Donna is less important to the firm than Harvey the senior partner, but Faye’s problem isn’t that Donna has a voice at the managerial table, it’s that two of the managers are dating and their impartiality is potentially compromised. We’ve even seen an example of this play out already when Harvey sided with Donna against Louis when he tried to fire Benjamin; they talked it out, yeah, but it happened once and it could easily happen again. Good for Faye.

Donna, it may not surprise you to learn, does not so much share this perspective. Harvey pops in to ask her how breakfast with her father went and she takes the opportunity to wildly misplace her anger as she bemoans the fact that she wants a relationship with someone who gets along with her father, and then bitches at Harvey for not telling his mother about them yet. She closes out with the denouement that if he’s really willing to put her first, he’ll fix his relationship with her father, and if he can’t, her father might be right that they shouldn’t be together.

What is this, the fourth time so far in this episode alone that a lack of communication has caused major problems for these people? I’m getting sick of this trope, guys, what else you got?

I’m already regretting that question as Louis accosts Katrina in the women’s restroom (yes, the women’s restroom) to demand that she include a rider in the new code of conduct putting personnel reassignments under the purview of the name partners. Katrina quite correctly points out that this belongs in the bylaws, but promises she’ll think about it.

Suits continues its developing trend of trying to cram as many returning guest stars as possible into this season as Harvey calls Lily to tell her that, one, Donna was the “very special person” credited with their reconciliation back in Season 6; two, they’re seeing each other; and three, “[he hasn’t] exactly told her yet, but she’s the one.” Lily congratulates him, having learned about Donna from Marcus; seems they’re both big fans, how cute. Harvey admits that he and Donna’s father have bad blood, and Lily tells him to make a gesture to demonstrate his generous heart.

Back up a second.

Harvey and Donna have been friends for nineteen years. They spent about eighteen years and eleven months of that time going out of their way to clarify that they weren’t a couple and/or that they knew they were better off as friends. A big emotional event abruptly convinced Harvey that he wants to be with her. Three-ish weeks later, their relationship has hardly been smooth sailing, and now, on the heels of yet another miscommunication-laden spat, out of fucking nowhere, Donna is “the one,” and apparently has been for at least a little while.

What the fuck is going on?

No, I’m serious. This relationship, rife with conflict, has shot along at lightning speed. They’re apparently spending more nights together than not, but as far as I can tell, they’ve been on one date (which started off super awkwardly, by the way), and suddenly she’s Harvey’s soulmate. His bossy, confrontational, unforthcoming soulmate. Am I really supposed to believe that this, this is what Harvey’s been looking for all his life? Or is it just that pounds upon pounds of external pressure have convinced him that it should be?

Food for thought.

Oncoming B plot: Eight years ago, Alex told Rosalie about the Masterson thing while it was going on, but apparently he never got around to the kompromat part, because back in the present day, he’s finally coming clean about all of it, including Craig’s current attempt to blackmail him. Rosalie is not a fan of either the original event or the fact that he took so long to tell her about it, which, yeah, that’s fair.

Part II

#suits usa #s09e04 #season 9 #analysis

[sea-dragon-pride]

☕☕☕☕☕ (KIDDING, 🌟🌼🌗❓!)

 ☕☕☕☕☕ WELL IF YOU MUST KNOW,,, my deepest darkest secret… my BIGGEST shame… is that I can’t get Calico’s cats to like me. I KNOW! I’m a fake druid, but I try talkin to them and I chase them around and they’re not havin’ ANY of it. The cats on this boat are anti-Tiller ghskgh;skgsgds

(ALSO THIS GOT LOOOONNNGGGGG, so I’m putting it under the cut, I’m So Sorry For Getting Carried Away)

🌟When your OC loses all hope, who do they turn to first? What helps make them feel better? What calms them down and reassures them? Why?

I think when all hope is lost, I would always turn to Roy! I know I should probably say something like my real dads but I haven’t seen them in so long and I never want to worry them with things they don’t need to know about…. Roy always knew how to keep up a brave face, and somehow had a plan for everything, even when failure seemed inevitable. All the Sea Dragons for that matter, made me feel that way! I could never stay in a sour mood after an evening meal with Bingo or Codec, or hell, even Skiff! They’re practically my family and I know they accepted all parts of me into their ranks, so I can’t help but feel better if we’re all together. Though nowadays, that’s not an option, so… to calm down I usually like to hang out in the crow’s nest and chart stars. You can see the sky and the ocean for MILES, when everything is so grand and beautiful, things can’t seem so bad. Something about being up there reminds me that life is always moving, like the ocean! So if things are bad now… then they can’t stay that way forever, because that time will have to move somewhere else, somewhere in the past. On a simpler level, I really appreciate hugs and snacks. I’m the perfect form for cuddling! It’s not bragging, it’s a fact!!! So if I’m ever sad, just squeeze the life out of me and I’ll feel better. 

🌼 Write a short drabble from your OCs POV meeting their LI 

I see the red sails being raised at the end of the dock. Black skulls with a sun burst pattern decorates a number of them. The whole ship is made from stained black wood with red trim. The wood even smells burned.

Jeez, these guys are the ostentatious types, huh? 

Everyone looks like they’re bustling about, doing the prep work for an extended time out at sea. They’ll be expecting me anytime now, but when have pirates been punctual?

Okay, okay, new boat, new story, don’t sweat the small stuff. No one can ask you too many questions if you just keep up your overly-friendly small talk. These guys are supposed to be more dangerous than the last crews, which means a bigger haul. Roy’s counting on you.

I look around the main deck and spot an older woman with an intricate braid and a wide-brimmed hat. That’s gotta be her. I run up and say:

“OH! Ahoy there!!! I’ve never been on a ship this big before wOOWW! Love the color scheming, it really brings out the whole ‘murder-y’ vibes you guys seem to be going for haha! You must be Captain Rhea!”

The older woman looks perplexed (like they usually do), and responds: “That would be me, aye. Though I don’t remember ordering for an interior decorator aboard my vessel.”

“Hehehe no! But you DID send for a navigator and that’s me! Tiller Jakobie, at your service! I’ll tell ya where ya are, where ya goin, where ya wanna be, and how to get there! I also brought my own maps!” I lift them out of my bag proudly. These babies took ages to chart, but no one appreciates map craftsmanship nowadays.

Rhea sighs: “Ah, I did put Beremy in charge of recruiting didn’t I? Remind me not to do that again…. But yes, unfortunately, our last navigator has seemed to desert us for his own misadventures. If you’re the best we can do for such a short time, then so be it. Boys, get her set up in a room, I have business to attend too.”

Yeah… the misadventures of their old navigator mostly involve spending the next few weeks in the brig of The Quick Silver. If Franz is on guard duty, the poor guy will have to listen to him while he practices new songs. Hehehe that’ll make him WISH we threw him overboard!

I turn to my new alleged crew members: “SO! Miss Captain said something about accommodations? Do you guys have room service?? OH! What about those complimentary little soaps??!! Where am I stayin!! You’ve got a five star suite for me, right?”

Most of the reactions are as expected; a couple a furrowed brows, eye rolls, a few smirks and chuckles. I’ll have em head over heels for me soon enough, I mean, come ON! I’m adorable!!! They look around at each other, and one pipes up:

“Well I know someone who don’t have a bunk mate right now…”

The group kind of snickers and mumbles to each other. I hear some whispers - “That’s a lil mean for her first day, ain’t it?” “With HER, are you serious?” “Well, I ain’t gonna be the next one with a fresh scar for waking her up by accident!” They talk back and forth some more and come to an agreement of some kind? “Alright, we got a room for you, follow us!”

I trail behind them, trying to note down the layout of this ship. It IS bigger than The Quick Silver, more in width than in length. The mizzenmast is fortified and I can see spots for snipers to sit up by the topsails. That’ll be a problem to deal with later… We continue below deck and I’m practically pushed towards a room at the end of the hall. My welcome party already starts backing up toward the hold and they shout: 

“Alright, get cozy in there!” More repressed laughing. “Dinner’s served around dusk, see you then!”

Okayyyyy… whatever these guys think they got against me, I’m sure it can’t be that bad. What’s a little hazing between new crew members, right? I’ve faced worse.

“Uh hello?” I knock and open the door.

Oh Fuck. It is that bad.

In the room, there’s a girl, sitting on the lower bunk, sharpening a pair of swords. She doesn’t even flinch when I enter. Her hair is covering a lot of her face, since she’s looking down. It’s so long… Golden hoops dance under her ears. She has bandages around her hands and scars up her arms. Who IS she???

“Are you lost?”

I jolt back. SHIT, I’ve been staring!!! “Wh- huh?”

The girl looks up at me and her hair falls back. Oh NO, she’s PRETTY,,,,!!!!! My face feels hot, WAIT, is this room hot? DON’T tell me you’re blushing right now, Jakobie,,,

She asks again: “Are you lost? This is my room. What are you doing in here?”

Your mission. Remember your mission, dumbass.

“AHAHA OH RIGHT! N-NO WAY! In fact, it’s my job to be Not Lost! I’m Tiller, the new navigator aboard the ship, it’s SUPER nice to me you!!!”

She puts away her whetstone but doesn’t say anything.

I close the door, as I default to rambling over silence. “Well... ANYWAY, your friends said you needed a roomie so here I am! They seem like a fun bunch huh? They mentioned something about you stabbing someone, not that that’s important to me haha! D-Don’t answer that! Those are cool swords you have there!! Where’d you get them? Can you fight with them at the same time!!?? That’s CRAZY! But in a good way! Not that you’re crazy!! Also, I didn’t seem to get your name??” I take a seat on the chest across from her.

She starts to polish her swords. “I didn’t give it.”

Ohhhh one of THOSE types.

She glances up briefly and squints at me. “Why are you wearing a sleeve on only one arm?”

To hide my tattoo.

“OH haha! THIS??? It’s uhhh… to cover a… birthmark! It’s- It’s really gross and ugly and I, uh- hate it so I don’t like looking at it.”

She furrows her brow and kind of scoots further away on her bed after hearing that.

Smooth.

I start putting my stuff away. “Sooooo, I heard someone on the boat is named Beremy?? What’s up with that? That doesn’t sound like a real name.”

“Tiller doesn’t sound like a real name.” She mumbles.

“OHHHH SO SHE HAS JOKES!!! Miss Mystery over here has jests and japes for the the new girl, okay, I’ll take that one. I’m glad comedy is allowed in this room.”

She seems to eye me more closely now as I empty my backpack. She responds: “Just don’t touch my things and you won’t be sleeping in the galley with your namesake.”

“The other crew members seem to be kind of scared of you. Should I be worried, or are you all bark and no bite?”

I feel a whoosh of cool air whip past my ear. One of her swords is suddenly embedded in the wall behind me, inches from the side of my head. 

Whoa…. she’s Perfect.

She sounds a little irritated when she says, “I like for people to make their own judgements about me and not listen to rumors from people they’ve just met.”

My heart is racing. (Probably from the sword, right??) I yank it out of the wall. “That… was SO COOL!!! I didn’t even see you throw it. You’ve gotta teach me that!!!””

She looks a little taken aback.

I continue, “Also have you ever thought about pulling your hair out of your face with something??? Then maybe you can aim better!! Plus… I think your eyes are really pretty...”

“I-” 

Suddenly, there’s a bell ringing down the hall.

The girl looks away to the side. Was her face always that pink? She stands up and makes for the door. “That’s the dinner bell. You can… come with me if you want. It’d be weird to just stay in here.”

I hop up. “Alright Miss Mystery, if you INSIST!”

“It’s Mayday.”

“What?”

“Mayday. That’s my name. If I am stuck with you, then you at least ought to know what to call me.”

Mayday.

Aw man… how am I gonna figure out this one…?

🌗 Early mornings or late nights? What do they spend their time doing during these hours?

Early mornings all the way! As much as I LOVE sleepovers and gossiping over pillow talk, there’s something AMAZING about seeing the sunrise and getting to run around before the rest of the crew has woken up! Usually, I like to sneak food from Mr. Biscuit while he’s still making breakfast and I try to hide stickers in Selim’s armory. I chat with all the animals around the boat too! You know, catch up with the seagulls and dolphins following along side. I usually find a rat or two, and they always have the best jokes!!! Miss Shih says I should get rid of any rats I find, but what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt my loyal subjects. And then my favorite, I GET TO WAKE EVERYONE UP!!! Miss Shih’s always awake, so she’s the exception! You really bond and get to know a person once you’ve seen them at their most annoyed and delirious state, A HA I LOVE IT!!!

❓ A random fact or short drabble! Or make up your own question to ask the OC!

My question of choice: If you had a personalized Captain Hat, what power would it grant you?

THAT’S A REALLY HARD ONE!!! Part of me almost wants to inherit Roy’s hat because his power is really cool and he’s never let me USE IT!!!! >:///

But part of me also feels like it would be fun to just enhance the druid powers I already have! Like basically just become a water-bender and control the weather when you’re out at sea!! OH! Or maybe it could be a shape-shifting animal hat!!! (But how would that work in animal form?? Would they all get little hats?? That’s not intimidating!!!) Maybe it could be navigator related, and I would always know where I am and never be lost! OR MAYBE! It could track the thing you desire most!!! That seems kind of heavy for me though haha! Regardless, I can’t make up my mind! I want them all! The solution is that all captain’s should give me their hats and that’ll be the end of it!!! It’s only fair, and I deserve it of course!!!

#anon #anonymous #GOSH THANK YOU IF YOU READ ALL THE WAY THROUGH.... #I KNOW I WENT A LIL BUCK WILD ON THE MAYDAY QUESTION BUT HGKDJSHG:SDKGG WOWEEEE #i apologize for my jank writing but it was FUNNNN!!!! #it's late now tho so I'm going to bed lmao!! #tiller talks!!! #Anonymous

[we-all-fall-underground]

Inadequate friendship

On one of the many free days the duo got, Pacifica and Kaipo decided to join a small marathon that was taking place in a nearby natural park. They suited up slightly for warmth, seeing as how the weather predicted for a fairly cloudy day. But no matter how it turned out, they both agreed to push through it (otherwise the first to drop out would have to pay for the other's take out for a whole week). As they reached the starting area with the other participants, Pacifica tugged at Kaipo's sweater. "Does it really have to be a competition between us? I didn't really get that much sleep last night, so really I'm at an unfair disadvantage already."

"No no no, you aren't talking me out of something this time!" Kaipo chuckled. "A promise is a promise!"

"But Kaiiiipoooo!" She whined. "Please? It's already super cold, and I swear I felt a raindrop earlier." To prove her point further, she held out her hand in the air and waited for the non existent rain to pour.

And sure, it was cold. Kaipo believed that. Looking around, they noticed how better suited other people were, as they were doing stretches and trying to keep warm before the race started. Plus... Pacifica was too god damn adorable sometimes to ignore. "Fine! Okay, I give! We won't race race. But you better be able to keep pace with me!" They said. "And! You automatically pay for my meal for today. Just today."

"Alright alright, I can deal with that," she smiled, then took to stretching herself. When the race finally started, the two waited for the crowd to clear and began jogging at a slow pace thanks to Pacifica.

It was quiet for the majority of it, the two admiring the nature. Pacifica continued commenting about how she swore she felt rain, but since Kaipo had already put up their hood, they didn't really notice. Another several minutes and yards later, Pacifica broke the silence.

"So, you've been kinda distant lately. I mean, not to call you out or anything, but I'm also definitely very much calling you out on it," she started. "Like, you didn't really have much to say about living with all these other teens and kids along with our little group. You just okay with it? Now that I think about it..." She flinched momentarily, actually getting a raindrop on her, "when was the last time we actually went out to do something together? Just the two of us?"

Kaipo sighed, keeping ahead of her just slightly. Their stomach had been twirled in a knot this whole morning, expecting some sort of confrontation about this very situation. "Now that's a lot to unpack that we don't really have time for-"

"Uh, we're literally going super slow for this very reason," she pointed out.

"Okay-" Kaipo huffed, stopping in place. Pacifica stopped next to them and scrunched her brows. "Let's just walk. And maybe reapproach exactly what you're trying to ask."

"Oh, okay." Pacifica led the way now, thinking to herself. What first? "Okay then. Why're you so distant. Start there."

"I don't think I'm being distant-" Kaipo looked up at a bird flying away. Huh, super cloudy. "I've kinda just been... chill. Calm. I don't always have to be super sunshiny all the time."

Pacifica stared at them. "Yeah well duh, but I mean you've started to get like this since even before we found out we were being put in this... group home."

Kaipo tried to think back to what she was mentioning: the announcement of the 'group house'. It had gotten harder on Kaipo's aunt and uncle to care for them when their restaurant was booming in business. Kaipo wanted nothing more but to continue helping them out, but when this rich old couple came by with the offer of a lifetime, Kaipo saw it as a sign to start living for themself and not burden their aunt and uncle much more.

Apparently, they were going around and doing a community service for helping teens and kids alike become independent, no matter what their homing situation was like. In Kaipo's mind, they were on the good home end of the spectrum of kids, and saw that this was a really generous way to help out others, so why not join? Yet deep down they felt like maybe the couple got the wrong impression about how Kaipo was living. Sure, the house being used was grand and lavish and had Kaipo's dream kitchen, and their son Edgar was pretty cool, but they couldn't help but feel like the couple was looking down on them as though they were a poor poverished puppy. And that was no way to start off growing their independence, or their confidence in that matter.

And they acted this way to all the other kids as well: Pacifica- which they found out was already living there shortly after- Orabella and her brother Everard, Dante, Verity was a surprising one, and the new kids they haven't gotten to quite meet yet. It left a very bad taste in Kaipo's mind, but yet again, it was still such a good service. How could they speak against it?

"Kaipo?" Pacifica waved her hand. "You see, this is exactly what I mean!"

Kaipo blinked a few times then looked over at her. "Oh right. Sorry. But no, being spacey is different from being distant."

"Fucking-" she stomped forward, already wanting to give up on this conversation.

But Kaipo kept pace, upset. "What- hey! You can't get mad because I'm right you know! You said you were going to try to listen to me more before, remember?"

"Whatever. You're like totally avoiding my question, but whatever," she grumbled, shaking it off. Yes, of course she remembered the promise she made to her best friend. "Okay, fine. Next question then. Why don't you hang out with me as much anymore? You're my fucking best friend; I thought I was gonna have you through this whole new move and everything, but it seems like when you found out I was already living at the group house, you wanted nothing to do with me! Do you know how much that fucking hurts?"

Kaipo frowned, looking away. Okay... she had a point. It wasn't fair to her that they did completely detach themself from her when they moved in. "Well maybe i wanted to be my own person and not be pegged as Pacifica's friend," they thought. But it's not like they would say that out loud. She's already hurting clearly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that."

"So why did you? Because, again, you've grown distant!" As she spoke, a few very obvious raindrops splashed down on them, and soon a shower began to cover them. Pacifica pulled up her hood.

Kaipo looked away again, and from her view, she realized they were going into another blank state and she was growing impatient. Her own best friend was keeping things from her, and she couldn't figure out why or what to do. Was it the move? Was it anxiety? Did something happen to Kaipo's family? She hardly felt like she knew them any more and no mater how many times she tried to do things with them while the others were around, they kinda began to ignore her. Kaipo was her fucking friend first! Seeing the new group of kids take a liking to Kaipo and not her was making her furious. And now here they were again, with Pacifica being ignored. She grunted, and started to jog away from them.

"Pacifica!" Kaipo snapped out of it, and rushed to keep up. But as soon as Kaipo tried to slow her down to talk, Pacifica pushed forward and gave them the cold shoulder. She was done- she was just done with being ignored. If Kaipo wouldn't speak to her, she thought to just give each other space again. But Kaipo wasn't letting up. "C'mon! How are you supposed to hear me out if you're gonna keep running away from me! How am I supposed to talk to you?"

"How am I supposed to talk to you Kaipo?!" She shouted back, then began running. It seemed that was all she had to say.

Kaipo felt their face heat up, and an invisible weight was slowly pushing down on their chest. Was this... what it felt to be angry, Kaipo wondered. Because yes, Pacifica was finally pissing them off. But God, it was such an ugly feeling. They didn't want to be mad at their best friend, but she wasn't listening to them! Trying to push through this conversation was hurting them! Their eyes started to water up, but it blended in with the rain streaking down their face so it didn't really matter. Kaipo used a burst of energy to catch up to Pacifica... but she was already so much ahead.

"Pacifica!!!" They called out to her. She ignored them. The ground began to get soft and Kaipo may have splashed into forming puddles, getting mud all over their legs. "Please! Just talk to me!!!"

She turned a corner, so they turned that corner. She ducked a branch, they ran around the tree. A person was passed up, Pacifica having bumped into them and Kaipo apologizing to them on her behalf, then the chase continued.

The whole time, Pacifica was holding that grudge, trying to run faster to get away each time she heard them call out for her. It hurt, but if they were just going to keep secrets, then splitting off was probably the better solution.

But Kaipo was getting desperate. They started looking for small shortcuts to keep up with her: cutting the grass, hopping a bench, slinging themself off of trees. "PACI-" They shouted again as she came into view, but suddenly Kaipo stepped incorrectly on some slippery rocks and came crashing down into the mud. They were instantly covered, and instantly in pain; their chin and knees were practically on fire. Kaipo cried out, gently touching their chin. It burned. It hurt so much. Everything hurt so much! And worst of all, they were alone. Their breathing quicken, and they sniffled, but eventually just let go and bawled their eyes out.

They were alone. They were wet. They were in pain, both physically and emotionally. What was wrong with them. "I'm sorry!" They sobbed to themself, "I'm so sorry-" as though to console themself.

A few people passed by, some scared to stop. Eventually, one woman did stop and ask what was wrong, if they needed help. Kaipo sniffled, trying to assure her they were fine. The woman helped them up and walked them over to a bench to rest, gently giving them kind words and reassurance. And it actually helped a little, Kaipo thanking them, until they saw a worried Pacifica making her way back, running towards them.

"Are you two together?" The woman asked as Pacifica approached.

She leaned on her knees, holding up a finger to the woman as she caught her breath. "Yeah... scram."

The woman scoffed, but did just that. Of course, only after waving good bye to Kaipo. They gave a small smile and waved back, but it disappeared when they looked back at Pacifica's worried expression. "..."

"What the hell Kaipo! I thought you were still behind me!" She spoke after a moment. "The fuck happened! Did you get lost?!"

... unbelievable. Did she not see their disheveled state? Kaipo pulled down their hood to reveal their very red chin. "What does it matter. You just kept running."

She gasped. Pacifica definitely didn't realize how fucked up they looked. She sat down and her hands hovered over their face, careful not to hurt them. "Fucking hell..." She whispered. "Kaipo I..." A sigh, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you fell. I would have stopped if I knew-"

"No you wouldn't have."

She froze. "What?"

There were the tears again, swelling up in Kaipo's face. She heard them sniffle as they wiped at their eyes. "You wouldn't have cared. You could have kept running. You would've stayed mad at me. I didn't..." they sniffled again, "I don't matter anyways. I would have held you back. I always do."

"Kaipo..." Hearing those words, it was like the image of her friend had completely shattered. She couldn't quite process what was dropped, but slowly and surely the picture became clear:

Her own best friend felt inadequate. "I... I care Kaipo," she said. "You don't. You don't hold me back. And I wasn't-" she was going to say mad, but in reality she was mad; upset because she didn't know what was wrong. "I wouldn't have stayed mad. You're my best friend; you always matter."

Kaipo began shaking their head, tears pouring. It was so hard to finally admit this. "No, I'm not anyone important. I stick to you like a codependent animal. Or like, how I'm a burden to my aunt and uncle. I can't do things for myself, so I always need someone. I'm hardly my own person, Pacifica. I'm nothing!" They sobbed.

Immediately, Pacifica pulled them into her arms and hugged them tight. "Stop," her voice wavered. "Stop. You matter. You matter Kaipo- I'm... I'm so fucking sorry." A fresh wave of sobs hit Kaipo and they cried into her shoulder. Pacifica tried hard to fight back her own tears.

How could she have been so oblivious. Why didn't she try harder. Or maybe, maybe she was doing it wrong? Her friend was hurting and here she was getting mad at them! What more was she supposed to do! "I'm so sorry..." She whispered into their shoulder. Their shoulders bounced lightly, and they spent the next few minutes like this, letting Kaipo cry until their breathing calmed and all the tears stopped pouring. The two were still soaked in the rain, but it didn't matter to them, nor did they notice when it finally stopped.

When Kaipo pulled back, they gently stroked their chin again and kept their eyes down, not sure of what to say.

Yet neither did Pacifica. They sat in silence for another moment until the sogginess became unbearable. Pacifica looked up over at the path of where the race was supposed to be- no runner in sight now- then looked back to Kaipo and said, "Do you wanna go back home?"

Kaipo didn't move. "...yeah," they whispered.

Without another word, Pacifica stood up and carefully helped Kaipo up, being support for them as the two walked back in the direction of the starting line. She called for Verity to ask if she could come get them, and they stayed in silence for the whole time. And Kaipo was just so tired; their eyes were tired. The two sat together in the back and they fell asleep on Pacifica, as she gently stroked them. "You aren't nothing..." she thought to herself. "You're everything."

#my writing #oc chat #pacifica vazquez #kaipo makana #this is the fandomless version of them #i'll tell you what meme #oc art

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 1 Part 8

A two weeks delay because I had stuff to take care of, sorry about that :x But here we are ! Hope you’ll like it.

Liam Friday October 20 – Saturday 21

"You should bring them both at the Donut's Place. They make quite good pastries."

The young lad nodded silently. He was enjoying his break after several hours fighting against the evil dishes in an epic advendure. (In order to be motivated, he created a whole world were he was the hero, and the dishes his monstruous ennemy). (We all do whatever we can to make the work less tiresome so don't judge). Because he explained to Judy the situation between Nick and Rebecca, which wasn't improving since this latter started to meet the University running team, his boss tried to find solutions.

"I'm not sure Rebbie likes pastries..." he whispered. "After all, she follows a strict diet."

"Damnit man ! How can they be friends if they don't share a single thing in common ?"

"I honestly don't know."

In fact, their friendship was weird. Nick was a geek, enjoying doing nothing and stuffing his face while playings videogames. Rebbie was a star athlete, living only for running. They couldn't be more different. Maybe this break-up was inevitable after all... Sometimes, things happens for a reason. However, Liam wasn't ready to let it go. He wanted to bring them back together at any cost. (Well maybe not any cost, but everyone understood his point). The young lad and Judy finished their meals before going back to work, but suddenly, the director showed up and stated :

"Liam, I want you to learn service. A trainee will take your place at dishes. Let's go."

It took time for the freshman to realise what the director asked him. Then, following Judy, he got the uniform (she mockingly commentated his body while he changed, and it became one of the most awkward moment of his life). Anyway, he then found himself in the restauration room, surrounded by customers. And he freaked out. At least mentally. What am I supposed to do ? I'm not even able to remember my last lesson, how can I memorize their order ? He timidly followed Judy towards a table, and decided to carefully watch how she was doing. Sadly, once in front of the patrons, he started to shiver. Why god decided to do this exactly ? Sitting right there were Colton and Barbara. And the blonde girl saw him despite the fact he tried to hide behind Judy. (He was taller and wider than his boss, so it definitely was useless).

"Welcome to Pasta's Place. I'm Judy and I will take care of you this evening. This is Liam, a trainee.  Let me give you the menu. Would you like an appetizer ?"

A gap followed. Colton stared at Liam, and whispered something like "sorry", while Barbara focused back on Judy.

"We'll take a glass of water I guess." she ordered. "We're celebrating our first year together, but I'm not a vine person, such a shame right ?"

"I'm sure this wonderful guy is not judging you for this milady." asnwered politely Judy. "We'll come back when you are ready to order."

The waitress left, followed slowly by Liam. This one was so stressed he almost knocked a table over, but Barbara was manifestly acting like if he wasn't here. What did I do to deserve this ? At first, he thought he would be stressed the whole evening, but quickly, he totally forgot about this. In fact, Judy and him had a lot of tables to deal with, and the young lad was just too busy to think. Besides, as he expected, he was clumsy, and his boss needed to help him for almost eveything.  He had difficulty to hold plates, to clear table and even sometimes to talk with the customers. Once, he literally forget a little girl and only took the orders of her parents. Such a shame. Thankfully, Judy was everywhere. She deserves congratulation, because serving plus helping the numty I am is definitely difficult.

"Liam, stop dreaming. Go clear table 12 and take their order for dessert."

"Aye ma'am."

The freshman obeyed, but stopped when he realised who the customers were. Barbara and Colton. Damnit. He discretly came closer and took their plates.

"Did you like it ?" he asked the lower he could.

"Yes we did." answered coldly Barbara. "Can we have another waiter please ?"

Surprised, Liam stared at her. Her eyes hid a glint of anger, and she definitely was disturbed by his presence. What the... Oh by the unicorns no please... Her attitude, this hate towards him... She must had heard about his break-up. She blames me... like the others. Suddenly overwhelmed by guilt, saddness and shame, the young lad lower his head and whispered :

"Of course you can. I'll ask Judy to come."

And then he left as fast as possible, without letting Colton speak.

This night, when he came home (in fact saturday early morning), Liam felt even more weary than usual. The service was exhausting, and despite being physically fine, he was breathless. Plus, his head was about to explode. And after this... cold reunion with Barbara, the only thing he wanted was to sleep. To be wrap up well under his sheet, and to not move until the end of the world. Nevertheless, something was wrong. Nick was used to be awake, playing videogames when Liam went back from work. Especially during the weekend, when they didn't have lesson the next morning. However, right now, the flat was plunged into total darkness, and there was an awkward silence. Curious and a bit frightened, Liam walked towards his roommate's bedroom and put his ear against the door. The only thing he could hear was a scaring muffled laugh. What the heck ? Right now, the freshman already invented thousands of scenario, and in all of them, Nick was dead. A hideous murderer was certainly enjoying his body, for sexual or cannibalism purpose. And Liam was probably the next. (He was wonderfully imaginative, but after all, it was 3 am, in a dark flat, and he was tired). (Cannibal murderer existed, he knew that). But could he abandon Nick without even a fight ? His dead body deserves proper funeral. You'll not kill me that easy dangerous monster. Now that he bucked himself up, Liam clenched his fist and opened the door. He glanced at his roommate : this one was sat onto his bed, near to the wall, and perfectly alive. Seing Liam, he frowned and his lips moved, pronouncing silently "what the fuck are you doing here ?". Seems like he's not in danger, after all. (Maybe Liam had a bit too much exaggerated the situation...) (Just a bit, okay ?). Anyway, he replied in the same way "what are you doing ?". Nick rolled his eyes and showed the wall. "I'm listening Rebecca and her friend discussion.". Surprised, Liam googled. Indeed, he could hear the girl and a boy speaking on the other side of the wall. The laughs came from them. Liam went closer and asked again in the same way "Why are you doing this ? Are they... sleeping together ?". His roommate replied suddenly way louder :

"Of course not, you moron ! They are just talking shits !"

Realising he just shouted, Nick put a hand on his mouth and glared at Liam like if everything was his fault.

"I was just curious." he whispered. "And just shut up dummy, or they'll hear us."

You're the one who is making noise. Liam took a place onto his friend's bed, and murmured :

"I thought you and Rebbie weren't friends anymore."

"Are you 8 year old spud ?" angrily replied Nick. "I told you I'm not sulking. They just caught my attention. And you should go to sleep, you look dead."

"Yeah, you're right. Good night, mister bad mood, see you tomorow."

Nick pouted just before Liam left in the direction of his own bedroom.

Rebecca Monday October 23

One week last before holidays... She couldn't wait to leave for New York, where she will be part of a national tournament. Bob and her trained as much as possible, and she felt ready to beat her own record. Thinking about the medal she would win, she entered in the amphitheater and headed towards Liam and Nick. Around 10 days after her... speech about this latter attitude, she still felt a bit guilty, but not that much. Besides, he ignored her anyway, so she decided to let him do. I don't have time for these craps. She sat next to them, and smiled to Liam (he was absently watching the board as usual).

"Hi dude. How was your weekend ?"

She noticed Nick glancing at her, but it was so fast she couldn't be sure. As for him, the brown lad didn't answer, certainly because he didn't hear her. This guy... He had big dark rings under his eyes, and a really bad face. Maybe some problems with his family again...

"Liam, are you there ?"

The boy jumped (she felt like a monster dragging him from a wonderful dream...) and eventually replied :

"Yeah sorry... Well the weekend went... fine."

He blushed slightly, and she figured out it was a lie. However, she felt more preoccupied by Nick, who again took a look at her discreetly. What the fuck does he wants ? As Liam went back in his waking dream, she wanted to say something, but the professor came in, and the lesson began. I wonder what Nick is thinking now... He's acting strangely...

Lunch came and after a whole morning cogitating about Nick's behavior, Rebecca was mad against him. (Yes, mad despite the fact he did nothing wrong). (After all even when he was doing nothing, he was irritating). Therefore, when they sat together, the atmosphere was super, super cold. (But no one's cared, because Liam was too busy couting the clouds, and Nick was just pigging out as always). Rebecca decided to eat as fast as possible, and then left the duo to start her afternoon training. She headed towards the lockeroom, and looked for her sports bag, but she couldn't find it. What the fuck ? I let it here like 5 minute ago. She angrily went out, and glimpsed some boys running away with her stuff. Assholes. It won't be that easy. Not losing any time, she started to run after them. Even in daily clothes, she was way faster than somes fucking boys, and she caught up with them rapidly in a path of the campus. She didn't notice it yet, but she was alone and surrounded by boys when she shouted :

"Give me my bag back, motherfuckers. That's not funny."

"Gorilla want her bag back." teased a voice she recognised. "Dudes, I think we should listen to her, she could be dangerous."

Around her, they all laughed. Rebecca angrily faced Matthew, and opened her mouth, but stayed quiet. The sophomore held a sort of gun, like several of his friends, and she started to worry. What is he doing ? She knew he hated her, but... Giving a signal, the lad started to fire, quickly followed by his mate. It was paintball, and she screamed both with rage and pain when they showered her as much as possible. In no time, she ended covered in bruises and paint. Can someone help me please. The only thing she could hear was Matthew and his crew laughing. She was unable to see, and she fell onton the ground loudly. Fuck you dude... She tried to speak, at least to insult him, but failed. And because they left her, she closed her eyes, and decided to wait until the pain went away.

Eventually, she woke up laying onto a bed, in a white room. What happened ? She remembered being dragged from a place to another, but nothing more. Where am I ? She felt quite well, but still confused. Prudently, she watched her body : she had bruises, especially on her arms and legs. Apparently, nothing too bad, but it was still painful. Those assholes... I knew he would do something but...

"Seems like you are awake." greeted her someone. "Welcome to the nursery, I'm a nurse trainee here to take care of you. Can you tell me how do you feel ?"

Rebecca blinked, and then grouched.

"Angry. I want to punch this..."

She stopped when she saw the nurse. Chelsea was Matthew's girlfriend, and a member of the running team she trained with those past few days. Damnit. Rebecca couldn't charge the sophomore... She'll never trust me. During the training, it appeared the blonde was a nice girl, athletic and friendly. Way more than her boyfriend.

"Don't worry Rebbie." stated Chelsea. "Everything is fine. You're safe now, and except the fact that you're rainbow-colored, you're not really injured."

"Yeah... Thanks... I guess I should thank the one who bring me here too, where is he ?"

"It was two guys. They left like an hour ago, once sure you were fine. One was playing at his gameboy, and the other looked a bit simple-minded, but they seemed to know you ?"

The black girl nodded silently. Yeah; I guess they do... The idea of thanking Nick made her sick, and she decided to stay in the nursery a bit longer.

Pete Wednesday October 25

The young lad sighed when they all bursted in laughter. I knew it would happen... Being in the culinary club had advantages, like the fact he could cook amazing plates with the greasiest foods. Nevertheless, it had also a major disadvantage : Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey. (He had insisted to be called by his entire name, and because he was the head of the faculty's grandson, they all obeyed). The junior was an excellent cook, and usually made fun of them (even of their supervisor), making the session a true hell. And today, he manifestly decided to focus on Pete, and his growing waistline. To be honest, he wasn't the first to make comment about it : several friends and acquintances already noticed the change, but Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey was the first to tease the freshman about it.

"Seriously dude..." continued the junior "According to studies, freshman 15 is supposed to be a myth, but you... We're in October and I bet you already burst it out."

Again, a lot of students laughed. They don't even find him funny, but they're scared by his reputation. Honestly, Pete was too, and that was probably why he didn't answer. Plus, he may have  actually exceed the freshman 15. Two weeks ago, he weighted himself at 75 kg (165 pounds), but since, he probably gained a lot. (Now that Theo came back in his life, he ate even more than before, and became quite... addicted to Mike's caloric poder). Of course, he wasn't that fat... He just had a little paunch, and his legs and arms were a bit rounder, but nothing too important. However, as he didn't found time to replace his wardobe, he wore too tight clothes. In order to button his jeans, he used an elastic trick, and his T-shirt was stretched at his maximum, emphasizing his belly. Needless to say, it was godsend for Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey the jerk.

"You're not defending yourself ?" asked this latter. "Damnit that's so annoying. I'm done for today fatass. See you soon."

And with this threatening conclusion, the junior left the room and Pete could at last get back to work.

Evening came, and the young freshman got ready for a swimming session. Alone in the lockeroom, he put his swimsuit on, with a bit of difficulty. To be honest, it was slightly aching because it was compressing his waist. I knew I needed to change my wardobe... All his clothes were too tight, but Theo seemed to enjoy this, and Pete only wanted to please him.

"What are you doing my dear little sugar ?" asked suddenly someone behind him.

The blond lad turned over towards his lover, and smiled.

"I thought I would swim and..."

"Swim ?" cut off Theo. "No way."

Surprised, the freshman frowned, but when the handsome brown lad came closer, he just held his breath with excitation. A hand stroked gently his belly, making it jiggle. That's not wise... Anyone can come in. Pete wanted to say that, but he only moaned with a guilty pleasure when a second hand went slowly touch his crotch. It was so joyous. Bad, but joyous. In fact, the freshman realised a week ago taboo were a turn on. Being a lover, having sex in forbidden place and at forbidden time... It was the kind of thing he asked for. Besides, Theo had an experience more than useful. He knew some body's spots Pete didn't even imagine real. And he's hot... So hot... Suddenly, the two hands stopped their caress, and the blonde guy sighed with ecstasy. He was almost gone, but his lover just moved backwards and smiled.

"You can't swim. You're not physically fit for this." stated Theo.

The freshman opened his mouth, but said nothing. Eventually, right now, he only wanted the junior's touch. He was too aroused to think efficiently.

"It would be a shame for our team if a fatty is swimming with us." continued the dark-haired lad. "It's better if you stop coming here."

Pete nodded slowly. He started to calm down, and to consider his lover's words. He's kicking me. For a sec, the blonde boy felt ashamed, but he realised it mean nothing to him. After all, he joined the swimteam in order to get an eyeful of the guys. But now, he had one for himself. And the only thing I want is to be with him.

"Do you understand, Pete ?" asked Theo.

"Yeah, I do. And you're right, it was a bad idea to come. See you this night, I guess ?"

The junior smiled. A glint of lust twinkled in his eyes.

"Maybe. Being uncatchable is a part of my charm, isn't it ?"

To be continued

Sooo Barbara and Damian Nicholas Smith Carrey made their 1st official appearance ! They both are important for the main plot (Liam’s) and we’ll see them again soon :)

See you next week (I hope :x)

#the college society #cs #Liam #Rebecca #Pete #weight gain #Now Pete is chubby #Barbara and Liam met ! #it went bad #chapter 1 #part 8 #My Story

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 1x02 Keep the Home Fires Burning

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Stray thoughts

1) Buffy and Veronica would be so proud of her punning abilities…

2) Well, this guy blew up his own cover rather stupidly…

3) Her quick-tempered nature is going to get her in trouble, isn’t it?

She did exactly the opposite of what Dolls asked her to do. But if this town is anything like Sunnydale – which considering how adamant they were about saying that Wynonna’s uncle died of a heart attack or something even though he’d been FUCKING BEHEADED – they will probably ascribe these shenanigans to a PCP gang, right?  

4) Is this like the Revenant Boss? The Master? Big Bad?

I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough.

5) I’m guessing there will be some sort of connection between this guy (I can’t remember if they mentioned his name already?) and Wynonna, given their conversation at the bar, the fact that he protected her and Waverly, and the fact that they’re both pariahs in their respective communities. Can we talk about the revenant community? Is that PC?

6) Yep, the revenants mentioned “the boss”.

7) “We know who you are and who you rode alongside of.” Is this because he crawled out of the well after Wynonna? Or did he hitch a ride with someone or something else we haven’t seen yet?

8) More backstory, thank you, show, I need it.

DOLLS: The Black Badge was a top-secret branch of the Marshalls founded in the 1900s by Roosevelt…

WYNONNA: Eleanor?

DOLLS: Teddy – to eradicate the paranormal forces suddenly blossoming on North American soil…

WYNONNA: Do you have a flamethrower? 'Cause a flamethrower is at least fun.

DOLLS: …working with your grandfather actually, Edwin Earp, to handle things up here.

WYNONNA: Hmm yeah. A one-year wonder. Family legend has it Eddie was only the heir for like 11 months, but came real close to sending all 77 of Wyatt's kills back to Hell.

So, if I got this right, when each heir turns 27, all the revenants killed by the prior heir come back to Earth, so that means they have to kill all of those plus the ones who hadn’t been killed by the previous heir, right? A ton of revenants, basically.

9) Yep. That’s Sunnydale.

10) This Boss Man doesn’t look like the one before…

So…

At least I now know that the cool revenant’s name is Hank. 

11) Okay…

BOSS: And the Earps?

HANK: It is just a matter of time before they figure out who I really am and what I did to their great-great-granddaddy.

A few things about their convo. Hank is clearly an outcast. He’s not respected among the revenants because of his connection to the Earps and because he’s not a revenant - he seems to be something else, and he won’t be accepted by the Earps if they learn what he did to their family. I always find this type of characters incredibly interesting, the ones who walk the grey moral line and who will typically do whatever is more beneficial for themselves in order to survive. It’s always interesting to see their inner struggles with morality and good/evil, and I wonder if Hank will be one of these characters. And who does he want revenge against?

12) This doesn’t feel random…

So, Waverly used to have an “imaginary friend” when she was a kid. Could this mean that her friend wasn’t really imaginary and she has some sort of psychic or supernatural powers?

13) I like Gus 100% more, bless you.

14) Now, this was totally unexpected but super cool!

So, Revenants can’t touch the gun without getting demon epilepsy or something. And I really, really like the way the show gets rid of the bodies – they literally burn down to hell.

15) This lady was totally flirting with Waverly, but what are her intentions?

In the words of Anya Jenkins…

16) I can’t disagree with him, though…

Raise your hand if you love him since Instant Star...

17) I hope she is right, in the long term…

WAVERLY: I got a good feeling about you. And I'm an excellent judge of character.

HANK: Sweetheart you really aren't.

18) She’s also a dork. I’m liking her more and more.

WYNONNA: Regular guns can slow the revheads down, but they will always come back for more until they meet Peacemaker, which only I can handle…

19) Bossman is not playing around…

BOSS: Malcolm kills her uncle, lures the heir back home, and now this? How many times do I got to tell you idiots? Peacemaker can't be touched by revenant hand.

LEVI: But-but we-we just thought…

BOSS: Don't! Ever! Think! I do the thinking for all of us.

20) So they want to hire a “professional” to create a distraction, but the problem is, the payment needs to be human blood… Is the shadowy guy from the beginning of the episode the “professional”? Will this show only ever give me more questions?

21) Hank looks so awkward wearing a hoody. And I’m gonna go ahead and say it. He kind of reminds me of Spike.

22) So, I think “shadow assassins” are like a special type of revenant? Levi mentions that they can only be activated by a blood sacrifice. I’m guessing this Killer Miller is the shadow guy we saw at the beginning of the episode.

23) Ooh, more scoop on Hank!

LEVI: You were Wyatt Earp's right hand; what would he say if he knew you were joining forces with every man he ever put down?

So, this revenant is disgusted by Hank helping… the revenants? Huh?

24) Okay, so the girls’ mom is not dead but just a deadbeat mom. I’m sure we’ll see her again. And I’m sure there was a reason for her leaving.

25) I didn’t really think he was going to do the blood sacrifice thing. And I didn’t believe he was human either? But I guess I was wrong…

And yeah, his reaction? Don’t tell me you don’t see the similarities…!

26) I kind of thought that the Shadow would end up going after all the revenants listed on Waverly’s notebook instead of going after Waverly… And btw, I guess she really wasn’t a good judge of character after all? Like, Hank didn’t even hesitate to throw that notebook into the hole in order to save himself, he didn’t care that he was going to send the shadow after the wrong target.

27) I knew it.

BOBO: Perfect time to make a hole - for our friend Waverly.

YOUNG WAVERLY: Will this really - make them happy?

BOBO:This will guarantee you all get what you deserve.

WAVERLY: Bobo. The name of my imaginary friend when I was growing up: Bobo! And I'm starting to think that he wasn't so imaginary.

Do you think Bobo could be Boss? Same initial letters… And I guess she didn’t have supernatural powers, after all, she was just tricked by a revenant.

28) I really love Waverly’s attitude. She doesn’t have any powers so far, but that doesn’t stop her from getting ready to fight back…

29) Well, that was easy… Cool. But disappointingly easy.

I mean, he was kind of scary, but in the end, he wasn’t really a threat? Unless he can’t be really killed off and he’ll come back every time someone does a blood sacrifice?

30) You really need to be a badass in order to be threatening while wearing plaid flannel PJ bottoms and furry sleepers…

Remind you of anyone?

31) “You’re just a girl” I mean, the references must be intentional, right?

32) That was cool, Waverly!

33) What is he doing, though? And what is he?

WAVERLY: Yeah, well, most of my stolen stuff was returned, OK? And he's just one of those crazy Wyatt fans. No, he's definitely one of the good guys.

WYNONNA: Everything in my body tells me he's one of the bad boys. My entire body.

34) Yep, Hank will do whatever he has to in order to survive…

At least for now, anyway.

35) Why is his back burning like embers?

36) And what exactly is their plan? What is “the dig”?

BOSS: I swear to you, our salvation lies not in thieving Peacemaker, or defeating the heir, - but in the dig! We stick to the plan! We stay on course. We let the Seven deal with the heir while the rest of us work, as we've been working for 15 years, towards one common goal: freedom! 

He got a little William Wallace there, didn’t he?

37) So, this is what Henry’s revenge is all about…

BOSS: I'm a man of my word, Henry. I can give her to you. The woman that changed you.

HANK: Well then, Bobo, we are officially in business.

And yes, Bobo was Boss. Manipulating a little girl? That’s really low, even for a revenant.

38) I’m getting very invested in this story, really. I have to thank you for suggesting I should watch this show! I really love the pacing in the episodes I’ve seen so far. It’s really hard not to comment on every scene because it seems all of them are relevant to the plot, there are no filler scenes, you know? And I really hope the episodes continue to be arc-driven instead of the “monster-of-the-week” type. I can’t wait to see the rest!

39) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

#Wynonna Earp #Waverly Earp #Melanie Scrofano #Tim Rozon #Dominique Provost Chalkley #WE recap #WE 1x02 #MTVSwatches #mine

[skizmin]

you’re my favourite constellation.

stargazing!au, friends to lovers with han jisung

(this giF IM SCREAMING CUTIE)

request from @straybin: Can I request a stray kids jisung friends to lovers star gazing au! Your aus are super sweet I loved the seungmin one!

(thank you so much ily 💝💓💖💕💞💘💗)

alright lets get straight into it

so youre a highschool student with an affinity for astrology, like, you love it

for your birthdays you get astrology books and maps and even once a really cool telescope!!

its just what you love, okay?

anyway, recently youd moved in with your cousin who lived alone and needed a roommate, plus it was closer to your school than your own home.

you parents practically shoved you in there with short notice (at least they were paying rent and grocery expenses) and you were like well okay

you didnt mind your cousin at all, but she can be a bit excitable and overbearing sometimes but you have to deal with it really

“dUDE i gotta show you something follow me”

you were unpacking when your cousin said this, you set down your telescope and followed her out the front door. your cousin lived in an apartment block basically, she was on the third story out of five. there was a very cute young family across the hall from you guys n stuff

anyway she kept going up and up these stairs and you were like where the fUck are we going im so tired

she laughed and said you were almost there and proceeded to push open a big heavy door

wow

you were in complete awe

in front of you was a massive open roof, the setting sun and the wide sky completely in view from all points, and when you looked up? oh my god it just seemed so clear

“you like stargazing dont you? youre allowed to come up here all you want as long as you dont make a ruckus yeah?”

you agreed, smiling W I D E and attacking your cousin in a hug

like,, two weeks later?

you still hadnt gone stargazing on the roof yet

on top of moving in and mid term school, it was a struggle to deal with so you just didnt have the time at the moment

untillll you had a falling out with a friend. it wasnt anything too serious but a few hurtful truths were said and the added stress of everything else going on, it was just overwhelming

so when you got home that afternoon, you packed a small box with your telescope, your notebook and pens, a couple of your astrology study books and two big blankets

then, after you made and ate dinner with your cousin, you made a big cup of hot chocolate (or coffee or tea or a moccha, whatever you prefer) and told your cousin you were going upstairs and youd probably be back late so youd take a key in case she was asleep

your cousin agreed and watched you balance the massive mug and your box in your hands and also the two big pillows you spontaneously grabbed as you walked out

arriving on the roof, you laid everything out, not bothering to set up your telescope just yet and you sat back sipping your hot drink

you didnt know when you started to cry but it happened, and soon enough you where silent sobbing on your own letting out a few sniffles here and there. life was just too busy and overwhelming at the moment

it was about half an hour later when you stopped sobbing, you were still crying, wiping your tears from your face every minute or so, this was when the door to the roof opened and shut

you thought it would just be your cousin so you stayed still and aited for her to find you and comfort you

the the felt a foot hit your thigh and heard a whisper shout of “hoLY FUCK”

you sat up, hastily wiping your tears as you tried to see the dark figure in front of you, they had turned on their torch and were now shining it directly into your eyes

“i am so sOrry i didnt even see you there, were you sleeping? oh god i cant believe i just almost stepped on you- wait? are you crying? oh my god”

it was some sort of god in front of you, you were sure. perfectly tanned skin, gorgeous doe like eyes, soft cheeks and pink lips. you were pretty much mesmerised, even as he crouched down in front of you

“hey, im sorry. i really didnt mean it its just dark out, are you okay? i didnt hurt you did i?”

he sounded so unbelievably guilty that you felt bad, snapping out of it you responded with a choked out “im sorry, im fine, its okay!”

the boy in front of you smiled out of relief, eyes lingering on you before looking at the set-up around you

“im jisung, i live on 2nd floor. i havent seen you around before, i didnt know we had new neighbours”

he looked at you and tilted his head in confusion, his eyebrows furrowing and his lips set in a slight pout. your heartbeat involuntarily picked up at the sight

“oh! im uh- im y/n, i just moved in with my cousin y/c/n, she lives on third floor...” you awkwardly and shyly looked down to the ground, hastily tidying up the mess of notebooks and your hot drink as he replied

“oh! y/c/n! i know her, shes really nice. how old are you? you look a bit younger than her honestly” his brows furrowed further and he smiled lightly when you looked up at him, he was still crouching in front of you

“oh, im 17, she lives closer to my school than my parents and she needed a housemate, so here i am!” you laughed really nervously and looked down at your fingers again

jisung smiled to himself, ah, theyre cute

“oh, im the same age then!” he laughed before looking away slightly, asking the difficult question, “are you sure youre okay? you look like youve been crying,”

dread crushed your chest, he’d seen you crying, this was really embarassing for you

“oh nothing! i was just- uh, i was just a bit stressed is all” you held your breath, hoping jisung wouldnt pry any further, you really didnt want to talk about it

he laughed good heartedly, “ah yeah, we all get a bit like that sometimes. what are you doing up here though? its freezing, are you studying or something? waiT IS THAT A TELESCOPE?!”

it was your turn to laugh, this kid was really positive and seemed to know how to take a hint

“im stargazing! my cousin said i could come up here but, if you need to roof then dont worry ill go down its no porblem”

you looked at his face this time as you spoke and oh my god stop smiling at me like that 

“stargazing? thats so cool! dont worry, i only came up here for some fresh air, my housemates are a bit loud. so what, do you just look at the stars and planets or?” he finally sat dwn next to you. “can you show me a constellation?”

you giggled and nodded, you whole body tingling because of the close proximity of your bodies and the idea of the stereo-typically romantic thing you were about to do. “we need to lay back okay?”

you laid back, he followed, his head was lost to to yours and his hands rested on his stomach, he turned his head to look at you

m i s t a k e

you didnt turn to him. you were bright red at the feel of his breath fanning across your face you kept your head straight on the sky

“now what?” he softly whispered it to you, your stomach violently dipped and your heart practically stopped

youre all “uhhhh uh- well, uh, you just um- see that sorta diamond of stars over there? and then it sorta uh, has a triangle on top?”

jisung follows your line of eyesight and tries to focs on specific stars that make out the shape, he sees it “oH! i see it!”

“yeah, thats lyra, its a harp basically.”

jisung squints and you lightly turn your head to him, not fully, just enough to see his face. “oh, it does look like a harp i guess, whys it there?”

“it represents the lyre of orpheus, who was a greek poet and musician, he was killed though...”

“wow, thats sad but also so cool...” jisungs phone buzzes, you see its a message from someone called minho, asking where he is

“crap, y/n, ive gotta go but um. i really liked talking to you and im really interested in the stars now, it seems like theyve all got stories. would you mind teaching me again sometime?”

he was scratching the back of his neck awkwardly

“oh! um- yeah of course i will, i mean, yeah definitely!”

you realised you didnt have his phone, so you couldnt really get your number for him

he saw you looking and spoke up “uh, maybe just next time, um, come and grab me? my apartment is number 6, im almost always there if im not at school really. just, whenever youre going up and you feel like some company, come knock on the door or something?”

you smiled, the thought made you nervous but you did want to see jisung again. “okay, of course.”

he smiled brightly at you, you cursed your heart again, “great! ill get going then, dont stay for too long okay? youll get a cold.” he stood up and waved to you

“bye jisung!” you call out softly as he walks away

you leave not long after he left, it felt boring on your own suddenly. you didnt even remember youd been crying at all, it felt like a massive weight was lifted off of your shoulders.

you slept so easily that night, dreaming of the stars and jisung.

a week and a half later? it was a friday night 

you were packing your box to go stargazing again when you remembered jisung, you wanted to bring him along with you. he might be busy, but you packed an extra couple of blankets and soem pillows and placed them just inside your door before you went downstairs to go and get him

you were so nervous as you knocked on the door, preparing for utter embarrassment. the door opened up tho

“oh, youre not the complex owner thank god.” you were greeted by someone possibly younger than you, he had reddish hair and a sweet smile. “how can i help you?’

you tried to block out the screeches coming from inside the apartment, you could hear about five voices screaming at once “im uh, im y/n, im from upstairs? i was wondering if jisung was here at all?”

he smirked, like he knew something you didnt. “sure one sec, im seungmin by the way.” he turned away from you and screamed into the apartment “jiSUNG, SOMEONES HERE FOR YOU, HURRY UP.” 

“coMING!!” was heard throughout the apartment followed by a “fELiX gEt ofF Of mE” and seungmin smiled awkwardly at you before a head popped past the wall into the entrance way

“oh! y/n! you came!” he tried to walk over to the door but you noticed a body dragging on his legs.

“jiSUNG PLEASE DO MY CHORES FOR ME.” the boy yelled at jisungs feet

seungmin laughed, looking at you saying “ill leave you to it” before jogging over to a tangled up jisung and who you presumed was felix and tearing felix from jisungs body, dragging him away

“uh, sorry about that, hes lazy and pathetic.” jisung laughed, so did you

“i was just wondering if you were free? i was about to go up to the roof..”

jisung smiled brightly, “of course, let me get my coat and phone.”

once he was ready you two went up to your apartment, you told him to come in and wait a bit while you made him a hot drink of hit choice, then you grabbed some pillows and your box and you both walked up the remaining flights of stairs to the roof

it was the beginning of a tradition really, youd go down and grab him, his housemates would call for him as soon as the saw you, before he left theyd whisper things into his ear that made him blush but you simply shrugged it off

after about two months of going up to the roof together, you admitted to yourself that you liked him

a lot

you liked his smile, his voice, how he was endlessly making you happy, you liked he warmth of when hed lie next to you and the way he’d rest a hand on your lower back, guiding you up the stairs. you liked his goodbye hugs and the way he’d hold your hands the one week you couldnt find your gloves. you liked how he was so interested in the stars like you, but you considered giving up looking at the sky to simply look into his eyes because they held galaxies within them. you liked the way he’d whisper your name to check if you were awake and the gentle touch of his fingertips when he brushed your hair out of your eyes

you liked him so much, you couldnt deny it. it crushed you in a way, you thought he would never like you back, and you increasingly got more nervous and drifted away bit by bit

one night, you were up on the roof and jisung sighed loudly, you asked him what was wrong

“can i rant a little bit? please?” jisung had puppy eyes as he sat up and looked at you, you sat up as well and nodded for him to go on

“ah, this is hard,” he started before looking at the pot plants next to your set up that were the centrepiece of the rooftop, 

“i um, basically i like this uh, this person right? i like them as more than a friend,” your heart clenched and dropped to your stomach. oh. this was heart break. “we’ve been friends for a while and i thought, well, yeah i thought id been quite obvious with my feelings. i hoped that their shyness was them maybe reciprocating my feelings but? maybe not. lately theyve just-”

jisung huffed and looked up at you again, your heart got caught in your throat, you could see he was nervous about telling someone about his crush and he looked sad talking about the unfortunate circumstances

“theyve been distancing themselves from me. they flinch away we i try to be more affectionate and- and they just dont seem like they like me anymore. not even in a romantic way, in a friend way. and im just upset i guess. ive never ever liked someone this much before, every night im filled with these feelings of just wanted to cuddle with them and take them on dates and hold their hands and- and kiss them. the whole package. it hurts, y/n. why dont they like me?”

the sad feeling you was feeling showed in your voice as you replied. “youre a great person jisung, theyd be an idiot not to like you, seriously. i cant think of someone more deserving of love than you.” you tried to nervously look into his eyes

“then why dont they like me y/n? no one ever likes me.” he was still looking down onto the ground

“i like you jisung.” 

oh no

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no W O R D   V O M I T

you clenched your eyes shut, your heart was beating rapidly, you cant believe you just said that when hed just been speaking about liking someone else. you wanted to cry, to bury yourself alive, anything to get out of that situation.

“really? what?” he snapped his head up, staring at you wide eyed and shocked

“nevermind jisung, forget i said it, i didnt mean to make it awk-”

jisung cupped your cheeks, you felt his warm palms and cool fingertips before you felt his lips, slightly chapped yet soft

your mind was going crazy, you barely managed to move your lips along with jisungs before he parted away, still holding your cheeks and smiling widely

“out of all the stars in this world, youre the brightest y/n.”

you died inside before realising he liked you, all the things he said earlier were about you

jisungs eyes were hopeful, happy, loving, especially when you smiled at him so purely

“jisung, kiss me again.”

and he did, pulling you into his lap and letting you tangle your fingers into his hair

he even kissed you outside your apartment, giggling in happiness and tugging you into his body before saying goodbye

jisung couldnt remember a time he’d been this happy, and honestly, neither could you.

finish!! hope you liked it omg

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