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#problems as if I give a shit that she’s sad about her ex from 8 months ago again

parisbytaylorswift · 1 year

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Today on roommate saga:

I have to piss so bad because I’ve been drinking a lot of water today after getting my booster in order to avoid any bad side affects.

But dumbass roommate I hate interacting with the most is fiddling around taking off her makeup and doing some kind of 20 step skin care routine in the bathroom and I want to KILL HER

#yes I could go in and ask her to leave for a sec and she would #BUT then one of two things would happen #1. she’s a weirdo and says ‘oh it’s fine you can go while I’m in here I don’t mind’#WHAT IF I DONT WANT TO GO WITH YOU RIGHT THERE? WHAT ABOUT MY BOUNDRIES?#or 2. she DOES leave but then makes it a ten minute conversation when I walk back out to ask me ‘so how’s lifeeee’ and then rant about her-#problems as if I give a shit that she’s sad about her ex from 8 months ago again #wait not even 8 months #it’s been a YEAR

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wasted-women · 5 months

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ROUND 1C, MATCH 4 OUT OF 8!

Causes of Death & Propaganda Under the Cut:

Cordelia Chase

Cause of Death: Became comatose due to childbirth, eventually died

Propaganda:

A fiercely witty, complex and independent character - she was Always her own woman, only briefly having romantic relationships and it never defined her character for 6 seasons on both Buffy & Angel. Unfortunately the show producer was an abusive misogynist who targeted Cordelia's character specifically for humiliation when her actress Charisma Carpenter became pregnant. He is a colossal dick, and a terrible writer. Cordelia and Charisma deserved better.

I love her so much

Darla

Cause of Death: Sacrificed herself to save her unborn child

Propaganda:

She's a super old kickass vampire who was a terrifying and fantastic villain - she comes back just to be pregnant (it's this whole weird prophecy thing). And be conflicted because she's a killer but she's worried she's probably going to kill the baby once it's born and so she kills herself first and dies in the arms of her ex-boyfriend and HE is sad about it and has to protect the child and she's never really mentioned again outside of flashbacks (still about the male hero, not about her). Yes Angel the Series has so many problems.

Winifred "Fred" Burkle

Cause of Death: Died while being possessed by a demon

Propaganda:

Imagine taking an incredibly smart, traumatised, dorky, strong, paranoid, loving and curious character who is an Expert of physics and portals and basically the brains of the group by s5 and making her entire damn arc about the men she's with. Because she's the only woman left on the show (all the others have been killed off! yay??) and YET still killing her off and making her dying all about how powerless her boyfriend feels. Who gives a shit about her, her boyfriend is sad!

she's quirky and kind and really smart and somehow emerged from a hell dimension relatively sane

#wasted women poll #round 1 #round 1c #cordelia chase #darla #winifred burkle #fred burkle #winifred fred burkle #angel #poll bracket #poll tournament #character polls #polls

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buckystevelove · 3 years

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Three Musketeers

Part 9

Pairing: Stucky x reader

Warning: fluff

A/N: sorry for taking so long in this part, life has just gotten in the way. Please reblog, I really love when you write comment, that is what make my day. So please! Comment

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Steve opened the door of your side and gave you a hand to help you come out. The place was amazing, it has so many green areas, and there were some soldiers and recruits jogging. When they passed near you they saluted both Steve and Bucky.

When you enter the building, you heard the voice of a woman sound through the walls.

“Welcome back Captain Rogers, Sargent Barnes. You must be Ms. YLN.”

You were surprised and confused. Never had you ever heard a voice come through the walls, not a voice that knows exactly who you are.

“Don’t worry honey, that’s Friday. The compounds AI, Tony designed it before… you know. Jesus Its going to be two years soon.” Steve said lowering his head, he had a sad look in his eyes you hadn’t seen in a while.

“I am so sorry sweetheart, he must had been a good man. I know the three of you had some problems in 2016, but he was you friend. I am sorry.” You gave him a side hug and did small patterns in his arm, kissing his shoulder.

“He was a good man, he had his flaws like any other human, but he tried to learn from them.”

The three of you were in the common room of the compound. Sam, Nat, Thor, Vision, Clint, and Bruce were in the dining table. Wanda was on the kitchen finishing the dinner.

You were beginning to get nervous again. You really wanted them to like you, they were the only family you boys had. This was literally like meeting the parents.

You knew that Sam was their best friend, Nat was really close to Steve, she was kind of Bucky’s ex. Well, not Bucky´s, more like the Winter Soldier. Bucky had told you about how the two of them that fallen in love a many years ago while both of them were in Hydra, but when they had officially met as Bucky and Nat, not as the Winter Soldier and Black Widow, things didn´t felt right. They weren´t really in love with each other. Still, they were friends.

You were shy, making yourself smaller the closer you were to them, both Steve and Bucky were holding your hands.

“They guys “Steve greeted them, grabbing all their attention. All the eyes were immediately on you. You could felt yourself getting hotter the longer their stare linger on you.

Nat was the first one to stand up and come closer to you.

“You must be the famous YN this men can´t stop talking about.” She said, you extended your hand to her, but she pulled you to give you a hug. When she was close to you she whispered in your ear. “Thanks for making them so happy, there has been a real change in them since you came into their lives, you are definitely a keeper.” Her word make you smile wide and fell proud, you friends had also told you that in the last months you were happier, that you seem to be glowing all the time. Hearing all this people say that your relationship was making the three of you so content, made you feel good, really good.

“I am glad to be good change in their life, I can assure you that they make me happy as well.” You said to her before pulling apart.

You looked at up at both of them ad they had the biggest smile on their face. Obviously they had heard what she said to you, dam super soldier hearing.

They introduced you to the rest of the team, you immediately clicked with Sam, you get why you boys liked him so much. You loved Wanda, maybe had a tiny little crush in her, she was so beautiful and strong, who wouldn’t like her really, though you knew that you were going to be best friends.

Wanda cooked an amazing pasta for dinner, after a couple of glasses of wine you were no longer shy and self-conscious. You laugh and joked with them, you were like longtime friends.

After you ate the dessert that you has brought, you moved to the common room.

“You know, we should play UNO.” Sam proposed.

“Yes!” You said, you loved playing this game, and the more people the best it was.

Nat tried to argue, to warn you that all the Avengers were very competitive and normally the game nights in the compound turn very heated, sometimes they would even use their powers, but you were so excited that she let it pass.

Clint looked for the card and gave each of the players 7, and the game began.

Five rounds later things were getting really heated, Wanda was angry at Nat because she had made her draw 8 cards in the last two rounds, you were starting to get annoyed at Bucky because he hadn´t let you play in the last three rounds.

Shit was starting to get real.

When your turn finally came you placed a reverse the order, and gave a malicious smirk to Bucky. “Get ready handsome, I am going to destroy you.”

He gave you a kiss on the cheek and looked at you dead on the eyes. ”We will see babydoll.”

The game continue and Steve had been really merciful to you, that helped you take an advantage against the rest because they were trying to destroy each other. You only had 3 card left, two of them were a choose color plus draw 4 and a skip turn, you were going to finish Bucky.

When you turn came you placed the skip and Bucky gave you a sad puppy face, you innocently kissed his nose and said sorry.

Sam made Steve draw 4 cards, your blond boyfriend was definitely losing, he preferred to draw more cards than giving you a skip or draw 2. He was so adorable. You placed the draw 4 and said UNO. Everyone immediately gasped, they could believe that you were going to win.

“You hurt me dollface, you really broke my heart.” Bucky said pouting his lips, Steve got up and gave Bucky a kiss on his lips.

You finally placed you last card and jumped.

“I win!” You were so happy, you had already drink more than you would normally, feeling yourself a bit tipsy you almost fell from your sudden outburst, thankfully Steve was there to catch you.

“Very good honey.” He gave you a kiss on the cheeks and on your forehead,

The rest of the team congratulated you, you decided to sleep at the compound because it was already too late. You said goodnight and Bucky guided you to his bedroom, Steve walking behind the two of you.

They gave you a new toothbrush and Bucky let you borrow one of his t-shirts, you loved how it felt to your middle tights and smelled like him, like home.

The three of you curled up in the bed, you were in the middle of them both, Steve and Bucky were holding their hand. They gave each other a kiss and then they kissed you.

“I really liked you friends, now I get why you are all so close, I´m glad you have so nice people as your family.” You mumbled half asleep.

“I knew you would like them, I am sure they loved you.” Steve said to you, you were already asleep.

Bucky smiled at you and kissed your head. “I love you doll.”

“She really is the one Stevie.” He said looking at his boyfriend.

“She is.” He kissed you temple.

“Sleep well baby, I love you.” Steve said squeezing Bucky´s hand, he was already asleep.

The three of you fitted together perfectly, you were made to be together. You were the definition of soulmates.

Tags: @tenaciousperfectionunknown @bibliophile-life @classyunknownlover @authentically-rue @commonintrest @alina02

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wowsoboring · 3 years

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Deconstructing baseless Harry Potter arguments #1: Harmony Edition

There’s a very helpful account on instagram (this instagram page merely gathers toxic harmony shippers, they don’t ship Harmione or hate all Harmione shippers, please don’t send them hate, show them love and support) where you can essentially find stupid fucking bashers who make baseless arguments. I’m all for Harmione shippers, as long as they don’t denounce Romione, bash Ron and just peacefully co-exist. To my pleasure, such people are out there: they just dont seem to be seen as often as the ones that are not nice. Maybe all I see is the mean people and the majority is nice, but in this post, I am attacking those who make baseless claims and bash Ron/Romione/Hinny/Ginny. I don’t myself hate all Harmione shippers. On top of that, as a Romione/Ron fan, i do acknowledge Ron’s character flaws along with Hermione’s and I hold them on the same pedestal.

This is copied directly from my own instagram page, granger.weasley_ on ig.

Anyways let's get deconstructing

rebuttal:

Yeah okay mf; maybe don’t compare real-life relationships with fucking fictional ones. Your relationship going wrong has nothing to do with Ron/Hermione. It has everything to do with you and your ex: the *real life* people involved in it.

rebuttal:

The weird subreddits and discord servers also seem to have a lot of die-hard Harmione “non-canon” shippers. They bash Ron and Romione (along with Ginny and Hinny) with a burning passion without any objective sense of remorse. They ignore all the merits of Ron’s character and bash him to push their agenda. They can’t even do so much as fucking acknowledge any of Hermione’s character flaws but still somehow manage to fixate on that one time when 11 year old Ron just shit-talked one line while Hermione had just publicly humiliated him in front of the Charms class and practically shouted at him for doing the spell wrong just before. I personally don’t because Hermione was 11 too and wasn’t that good at social cues that early on, which is more than okay. Neither am I.

Only a few people in the Romione fandom bash Hermione. And it’s not like Harmione shippers (most, not all!) don’t bash Ron and Ginny remorselessly, right? The fucking hypocrisy.

If someone considers Ron as the best member of the trio, it is their own opinion and not a fact. I do that. If you consider Harry and Hermione as the best member of the trio or in the whole wizarding world, most people don’t give a flying fuck and probably won’t argue with you because it is simply an opinion. That will only happen when you pass that off as a fact.

Statistically speaking, most (not FUCKING all) Harmione moments are in the movies. The weird dance scene especially. The passionate kiss that happens in Ron’s vision, shit like that. Ron is pushed to the sidelines in the last set of movies while Harry and Hermione show each other endless love and support. “I’ll go with you”. The books on the other hand, describe Harry and Hermione as siblings multiple times, with very little Harmione references.

rebuttal:

So you don't want us to fixate on the large majority of Harmione shippers who do the exact same thing, just kissing Hermione's and Harry's ass and hating on Ron. However you will fixate on people who are most likely not EVEN bashing or hating but pointing out a few character flaws in Hermione in a fair and unbiased way. I would know, I'm a huge fan of Hermione as an individual character (in the books). The only criticism I've seen of Hermione to this day has not been bashing. In the comment section of my own fics (shameless plug) I've seen some Hermione bashing. On an ao3 comment section. And I've seen so damn fucking many people bashing Ron, Ginny, the Weasleys etc. and garner tens and thousands of upvotes on quora.

What does Ron even need excusing for? The running away incident and Krum. What does Hermione need excusing for? Canaries, contributing to Ron's insecurities by making him jealous through Cormac and Krum even though she didn't even like them (especially not Cormac, she fucking hated him). Ron wore a locket that literally highlighted his fatal flaw (insecurity) in an echo chamber. Harry kept getting annoyed when Ron wanted to check in on his family. Harry asked Ron to leave; Ron didn't say that shit in the books about Harry's parents being dead: that was plain shock value.

And sorry for repeating myself but I have seen quite a few Harmione shippers bash Ron and Ginny and excuse every single thing Harry and Hermione have done.

37 upvotes on this weird comment that makes no sense? Echo chamber alert! You know what us Romione/Ron fans all have in common? We have never experienced such an echo chamber. I made a pro Ron/Romione post on reddit and got a considerable amount of people who bashed Ron and Romione in the comments.

The amount of Hermione haters is very few compared to Ron bashers. Nobody hates Hermione for being independent, determined, etc. We dislike perfect movie Hermione who’s an unrealistic image of females and seems like some sort of agenda than a real woman. Most Romione shippers/Ron fans and book fans in general (except for you apparently) dislike movie Hermione and still are fans of realistic book Hermione. Most, not all. In general, we do not claim anyone who does the exact same thing to Harry and Hermione that these sorts of Harmione shippers do to Ron, Romione, Hinny and Ginny. I say this on the behalf of all Romione shippers and Ron fans.

Ron's not a bitchy lay-about drama causing loser. That's Steve Kloves's movie Ron. In the books Ron is realistic and simplistic and apologizes whenever he causes problems. He acts up substantially twice in a span of 7 years where he is also a hormone-fuelled teenager.

This is so contradictory and juxtaposed to the point of near delusion. First you talk about how Romione shippers bash Hermione and then you bash Ron as a Harmione shipper. Mate, fighting fire with fire will get you called a hypocrite. Fix yourself.

So the movies are fine when they work according to your agenda? And yes how dare he add such a (fake) chemistry fuelled moment between Harry and Hermione while defeating the entire purpose and groundwork for Romione, the sadness caused by Ron leaving and so many more things? Those Harmione moments you mention seem friendship -esque more than anything else.

Steve Kloves's moments ruined many things while just paying fan service to the Harmione fans he'd birthed through years in the course of 6 movies where he showed Ron as a, how you so eloquently describe it, lay - about drama causing bitchy loser, Harry as one dimensional and Hermione as a zero - dimensional Mary Sue who might as well be the main titular character. Obviously Harmione fans such as yourself don't see the problem with it as it fits your narrative

We do care about Harry and Hermione at large. Most Romione shippers rightfully bash Draco, Pansy, etc. not particularly Harry and Hermione, that's quite rare. Harry and Hermione can get along without Ron as friends. Ron and Harry can also get along without. Hermione as friend. So can Hermione and Ron without Harry as friends or more. I don't understand your point and how what you said is any different than Romione or Ronarry’s friendship.

Constant arguing is not what they do. They bicker, they apologize, and sometimes they just do it for the heck of it. They are argumentative teenager. Opposites attract doesn't work in the sense of fire and ice, it works in the case of Brownie and ice-cream. Ron is passionate, laid back and insecure. Hermione's passionate, a workaholic and not as insecure. Ron can help her get calm and composed and get her to give herself a break. Hermione can motivate Ron and re - enforce his confidence.

It wouldn't be step incest. Harry and Ginny do not regard each other as siblings. They do not look similar whatsoever. And a Harmione shipper also bashes Hinny and Ginny along with Ron and Romione? Checks out

" that fucked up Harmony" hahaha. What?

Are you literally going to date someone on the basis of what Harry Potter ships they prefer? That is so shallow end depraved. Your Harry Potter ship preferences should not be the groundwork for your dating life. Please understand that. Harry Potter is a fictional world which is not real. Hogwarts doesn't exist. Magic doesn't exist. I sound like a Dursley but that's what it is: a fictional realm with fictional character. I would personally not give a fuck if my best friend or significant other was a Harmione shipper. In the case of them being a Ron basher, I would ignore it as if it was just a minor inconvenience and something we wouldn't be discussing and that's how it should be with you. Fuck BuzzFeed, your opinion on what Harry Potter ship / character is your favorite says squat about your personality and relationship with others in a romantic or platonic context. But who cares? Live your life however you want. I'll be stoic.

It's not opposites attract rubbish or high school opposites attract. Ron and Hermione aren't polar opposites like I said, they are a bit different but similar too in many ways. They have a lot more in common than Harry and Hermione. Ron and Harry have the most in common. Both Ron and Hermione are passionate, loving, argumentative, caring, etc. Your argument lacks substance. It's biased trash. And what does “obhwf " mean?

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at the end of the day, i’m just an annoyed teenager. I try my best to be open-minded to people but only as long as they are too. I tried to use my brain more than my feelings for this post.

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passanima · 2 years

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tag from foot2rue is gay, here’s the receipt (just copy/pasting my live reaction to watching season 1 to friends)

1/ there's a sort of love triangle between two guys and a girl. the situation is that guy 1 and 2 are childhood besties that spend all their time together but one day a girl becomes part of their friend group. guy 2 gets a crush on her immediatly and guy 1 get PISSED and for a good almost 10 eps it REALLY looks like he's jealous that guy 2 pay attention to her, and not... what they meant to convey, that he supposedly has a crush on her also

2/ the boring het couple are together now BUT as soon as they are there's a jealousy ep (couldn't wait a bit longer to make them look like a real couple even) and THE DUDE. get jealous. in the MOST gay way like. talks about his "rival" like "he's so cool, and nice, and handsome, i get why she would prefer him to me" like do you hear yourself boy????? he tries to do the "angry boyfriend" thing of talking to the dude but gets flustered instead cause the guy just too handsome like COME ON writers

3/ in one ep he runs away and the only person he tells/says goodbye to is one of his guy friend (not even bestie, but another i can totally see him have a crush on), and not his "gf"

4/ other ep bestie isn't here and everyone is midly upset... expect main dude who is VERY upset, like nothing can cheer him up upset. gay boy. he's so upset his other friends are annoyed about it

5/ same ep: cause bestie isn't there they have to find another player and mc decide to pick their nemesis, his teammates are like "you lost your fuckin mind" but he goes on a monologue about how nemesis deserves a chance and he can relate to him and shit like BOY

if there's no enemy to lover fic about these two, the fuck is this fandom doing

it's like poetry... the closeted gay boy who feels he would be rejected at any moment if his peers knew about him, and while he's currently popular, can't help but be stressed about this possibility so much he doesn't really fit in (from his point of view) and looks at how his nemesis is rejected by everyone for being openly himself (tho not about his sexuality) and think "we're the same" hence why he reach for him even if it means all his friends being mad at him... for the hope that if he gets rejected just like the nemesis one day, maybe at least one person would do the same thing he just did for that dude

5/ i legit gasped LOUDLY cause holy shit the dramaaaa

obv the rest of the team don't want to play with the nemesis so they're playing badly and almost loosing until nemesis has no choice but give up

mc is like "the fuck is your problem" to teammates and they're like "we'd rather play as 4" (there's 5 people in teams) and mc is like "yeah? well get ready to play at 3"

and fuckin LEAVES

with the NEMESIS

ABANDONING HIS TEAMMATES

6/ this boy gonna make me faint... they just won the match that qualified them to the final and he LEFT before his team even started to go all YEAAAAH to follow the nemesis, like, this was more important to him

7/ next ep: mc gets up in the night and guess who he meets? his nemesis. who CHEERS him up, even tho they couldn't stand each other until last ep but mc being on his side must have meant so much to him they're on good terms now

also mc is sad over the thought of loosing his friends (in text, he has no real reason to believe he's gonna lose them)(in gay reading tho? oooooh boy) and AGAIN the way he talk to ex-nemesis about it, the one he relate the most to? bitch........

8/ i'm crying laughing....... ex-nemesis after all that "and your gf?" as in, what does she think of all this, and tag says he didn't tell her any of it (cause again the only one he felt like telling is ex-nemesis) and then PROMPTLY change the subject like i'm banging my fist on the table DUDE

9/ the fact that mc gets upset at his "gf" all the fuckin time but never treat his guy friends/crush that way (he had ONE fight with bestie but apologized quickly and it was a whole scene)(has he ever apologized to her? maybe once over all the times they got mad at each other)

10/ mc chose to babysit a kid even tho he had a date planned with his "gf", ditching her like he'd... rather do that, than spend time with her

11/ SCREAMING end of ep there's a good news for the team, everyone is cheering then the fuckin ex-nemesis enters frame but far away from them and winks

for a sec i was like "who the fuck is he winking to? the audience?" but THEN zoom on mc's face, who winks back (he's the only one who saw nemesis, and og wink was meant for him precisely) like can you guys... stop... doing this to me

12/ i counted 4 boys tag seems to have a crush on in only 1 season

#I rant about stuff #like i HAD to take notes there was so many instances #it's not even all of them #foot 2 rue

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thequeenb · 3 years

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Come Back

This is part 3 of the series because its highly requested. Part 1 and 2 are here for you to read.

I watched Poppy get out of the limo gracefully as she has always been. She was perfect in every way, people here aren't used to this type of women. From head to toe she was beautiful, from the way her hair fell to her shoulders to the way she was standing, eyes looking at me intently.

Everyone was stunned but i am not surprised. Charlie gasps as she takes my hand in hers tagging me away from the crowd. My eyes are lost in hers, just like every movie everything stops. My heart is pounding but I can't quite know how i feel. As Charlie pushes me away from her i can see the disappointment all over her perfect features

Why she follow me? Why is she here? How did she know i was here? And most importantly what do i do now? Before my mind start overthink Charlie looks at me worried

"I am sorry this is all my fault i thought it was a celebrity i didn't knew it was your ex"

Right my ex. Is this the right word? I cant quite tell to be honest. We have been through so much that we didn't had time to label our relationship nor we had to. I felt anger when the painful pictures came back in my mind. If our relationship meant even a little bit to her why would she let us fall apart?

I frown and Charlie hugs me tight without another word. She always knew what to do and how to read my eyes. Her hand draws small circles on my back and i take a deep breath

"This wasn't your fault. I am surprised she even knows where Farmsvile is" my bitter chuckle fills the air "i always wanted to take her here, show her the real world without any masks covering our every decision"

Charlie listens to me like always. I miss Zoe though, she is as supportive as her but she always knew the New York world better than Charlie

"Why do you think she is trying to find you?"

I bite my lip in thought wanting the answer to this question but for now its unknown

"Well i blocked her number..her instagram, her Twitter account, her Facebook account her-"

"Woah there" Charlie says laughing "you are such a drama queen no wonder the big city treats you well"

"I wish it did, so many things changed so fast. The way i dress, the way i think, the way i make decisions, everything" i hide my face in my hands unable to get a hold of my emotions

"Well you better make a fast decision because miss Barbie is coming our way right now" i quickly fix my hair and wipe my tears not wanting Poppy to see how hurt i am

She approaches carefully and so sure of herself but knowing her i sense the hesitation in her expression.

"Could we have some privacy?" Poppy asks and Charlie gives me the "should i kill this bitch" look. I nod reassuring her its fine

"If you hurt her more i will throw you to the pigs" Charlie says giving Poppy a sharp look before walking away

Poppy mutters something under her breath, probably something like 'gross' or 'ew'. She is hesitant to sit next to me but I don't mind it. Taking a deep breath i try to not cry

"Look Bea, i won't waste your time because you already hate me but everything you saw has a story behind them" her expression changes, i am sure she replay the events and honestly so do i. The difference between us is that she feels sadness and i am blinded by rage

"Oh i am sure it does. I will make a guess and say that you used me all this time and i was just a puppet in your stupid game" i stand up unable to be close to her

"Oh please what would i gain from you? Being with a farmer girl isn't exactly appealing to any advantage" she stands up too, her eyes a wild fire ready to spread

A farmer girl..not appealing. Bravo Poppy, break my heart a little bit more

"Wow really? Last time i checked a farmer girl made you feel loved, a farmer girl took you to nice places and a farmer girl held you while you complained about your family!!" I raise my voice even though i have all the right reasons, still i can see how surprised she is by it

"I could have anyone i want if i snap my fingers but i tried to protect you i never wanted Carter-"

"Oh really?? The what the fuck is this pic Poppy?" I shove my phone in her face and i can see clearly her anger building in

"You don't understand, i am stupid i even came to this disgusting place to find you" she grabs her bag fixing her hair trying to make a dramatic exit

"Oh seriously? Well i am sorry this doesn't meet your standards i am sure you enjoy the city where nobody gives a shit about you or use you for your name" i grab my bag too and this time i walk away without looking back

Suddenly i stop my tracks but i don't turn around to face her "And to think i wanted to show you where i grew up" thats all i say before my tears fell from my eyes. I change my pace going faster in hope she would chase me but she doesn't.

The fresh air hits my face and i feel safe knowing nobody will judge me here. Walking a little further i finally arrive home where a familiar smell greets me. My mother is making my favourite food, father is feeding the chickens and Charlie waits for me on the porch

I put a fake smile on my face as i approach "well that went better than i thought" sarcasm was always my way to cope with my emotions

"You will share the details later right now we should eat the stew while its hot come on!" Charlie leads me inside the house and it feels good to be surrounded by welcoming faces

The day passes fast and i jump in my bed. I am so exhausted, who knew dealing with my emotions would be so tiring. Before i close my eyes i check my phone in hope Zoe texted me but i know she is busy. I close my eyes hoping the pain will stop and the new day will start better.

The sun hits my face and i groan in annoyance when i hear a knock at my door.

"Sweetheart should i come in?" My mother comes inside my room and i sit up trying to understand why she woke me up at..8:00 in the morning?? Ugh a girl cant get her beauty sleep

She sits beside me cupping my face in her hands. I missed her touch, she always made me feel better about myself and my problems no matter how sad i was feeling

"You have visitors outside waiting for you but i was adviced to not let you look through the window" my mother chuckles "now get ready they waited long enough"

I smile putting all my energy into getting out of my warm bed "fine fine only because i know Charlie will want to do something crazy"

I get dressed and run downstairs. I open the door only to be greeted by Charlie and.. Poppy??

"Goodmorning Princess i am sorry to wake you up so early but we have cows to milk" Charlie winks at me but my attention falls to Poppy who's wearing a simple T shirt and..boots? What is happening?

"Don't look at this city snob like that it took me 1 hour to convince her to wear these"

Poppy rolls her eyes but i laugh, its a once in a lifetime opportunity to see her this way, ah how i would love to take a picture and post it everywhere

"Show me your world" Poppy says giving me a small smile and for the first time i can see all the effort she put for me. I mean the outfit says it all, and the one and only Min SinClair will do farm work? Now thats some change

"I chuckle walking towards the farm "Well then show me how sorry you are" i say throwing a bucket at Poppy who looks at it in disgust

"I swear Hudges if you-" but Charlie push her in time and honestly this is the best sight ever. Poppy pouts but bites her tongue

"Lets go city girl show me what you got" Charlie and i laugh and surprisingly Poppy joins as she hides her face on my shoulder

"I missed you" she whispers only for me to hear and i smile letting my bad thoughts on the side for once seeing where this will take me. I hold her closer as we walk into the sunrise ready to share a piece of myself with her.

Tag list: @mvalentine @otakufangirl-12 @princessstellaris @indecisive-choices @i-loveeveryone @kiara-36 @ognenniyvolk @somewillwin @it-lives-in-braidwood-manor @ghalind @sergeant-pepper-loves-choices @dibberdipper @aiswood @alexlabhont @dopeyouth @tyrils-star @alexroyard @uselesslesbianfr @wolfietheduckyou @somin-yin

#queen b poppy #poppy x mc #poppy min sinclair #queen b #pb choices #choices fic #choices #pb #choices stories you play #playchoices #queen b mc

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silentfcknhill · 3 years

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FAVORITE SHOWS IN POSTERS

Well, we’re back for another installment of this tagged meme, this time for TV shows! I also stole this from/was indirectly tagged by @jcmorrigan. My taste in shows also differs a bit from my taste in movies, as I tend to like a lot of comedy shows with not as many horror ones. I’m not into shows as much as movies overall, but there are some that I am very passionate about so I picked twenty again. So, here we go for part 2, in order:

1. Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend Of Korra (2005-2014)

I'm including these as one show since they take place in the same universe and tell a continuation of the same overall plot. Altogether this is probably the best piece of media to ever exist, including movies. It has so many great characters and villains especially and some of the most epic sequences, charming humor and heartwarming moments ever. I've never met a person who didn't like these shows, even people who normally don't like cartoons. My dad, who is biased against animation? He loved it. My mother? She loved it, watched it with her multiple times. My grandmother? Loved it. My ex-boyfriend? Loved it. My best friend? Loved it. I dare anyone not to, and I'm so glad it's making a resurgence since it's on Netflix for a new generation to enjoy.

2. Black Butler (2008-2014)

I never was big into anime growing up and only really started watching anime when I was like 16 and above, but this is one of the exceptions because holy shit is it ever dark and epic. I'm not sure I'd really recommend it for kids, it's more of a teens and young adults kind of anime and that's probably why it's so good, because it isn't afraid to explore dark and mature topics and do it with all of the intensity and gravitas required to do said topics justice. It has lots of great characters, and the story of demons who make deals with children who have a dark side is fun to watch play out.

3. Seinfeld (1989-1998)

My dad was a huge fan of this show so I watched it growing up since I was a toddler and it became a classic for me. I've watched thw hole show through at least 8 times, and I'll never stop because it never gets old or boring. It's also my only comfort show when I'm having a panic attack because of one time a few years ago when I was having a drug-induced psychosis episode and watching it calmed me down, so now it's like the opposite of a trigger and whenever I'm having an episode or something I watch it to bring me back to reality. For that reason it's more than a show to me, it's a medical treatment and I'm forever grateful to it.

4. The Good Place (2016-2020)

The big four shows made my Michael Schur all made it on this post (The Good Place, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Office and Parks And Recreation), either in the main list of the honorable mentions, but this is my personal favorite of the four. It's so funny, quirky, relatable and basically tailor-made to suit my interests. Not only is it an entertaining and wholesome show, but I think watching it helped me come to terms with a lot of things like mortality, ethics, philosophy, religion and my relationships with other people. It gets alot of different viewpoints across and if you're a very analytical and philosophical person like me you'll probably enjoy seeing it all play out. Not to mention, every single character is 'favorite character' material. It's rare you find a show with no filler characters in the main cast, but I genuinely can't choose who is best.

5. Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013-?)

Another of Michael Schur's shows, this one is just barely under The Good Place and to be honest it was tough to pick my favorite between the two because they're both equally funny. I know it's kind of controversial right now because of the whole law enforcement thing, but I actually think they do a good job of handling social issues in the show and remaining respectful of real-life systemic problems. As for the characters, this is another one of those shows where every single character is gold and I think that tends to be a trend among Schur's shows in general. He produces damn good comedy, and damn good characters. I can't wait to see what they bring next.

6. Rick And Morty (2013-?)

This is unfortunately one of those cases of 'great show, horrible fandom' and for that reason I don't get involved in the fandom even though I love the show. It's a shame because it really is a great show, so funny and, again, such good characters. I think it's a lot more accessible than the fandom likes to claim, so I'm hoping more people will give it a chance and not get put off by the intellectual elitism of the fandom because it does have some of the most entertaining and batshit crazy episodes ever, poking fun of some of the staples of science fiction in media while also poking fun of itself the whole time. Unlike the fandom, the show doesn't take itself seriously and that's enjoyable nowadays.

7. Orange Is The New Black (2013-2019)

While this show is a comedy, it is also a lot of other things and it's probably made me ugly-cry just as many times as it's made me laugh. Well, maybe not as often, but those few scenes (if you've watched the show then you know the ones I'm talking about) made me hysterically sob hard enough to be worth like fifty minor sads. But I didn't even mind because the show is just that good, and it makes you /feel/ something in a real way. Probably because of just how real it gets in terms of telling stories that happen all the time in the real world, sometimes with inevitably tragic endings. But these things do happen every day, and it's important to shine a light on that. It's not just representation for LGBTQ+ but also for POC, the neurodiverse, the poor, and many more. Give it a watch to broaden your perspective!

8. Big Mouth (2017-?)

This is probably the grossest show I've ever seen but by god is it ever funny. Maybe it's because I have an immature sense of humor or something, but I love this show. It definitely won't be everyone's cup of tea and I don't recommend you watch this show with anyone else around because it will get awkward. I think part of its appeal to me is that everyone I talk to who likes it considers it so relatable to their lives growing up but for someone like me who grew up on the autism and asexual spectrum and who was physically an early-bloomer by years, nothing about this show is relatable to me in any way so it makes it all the more crazy and bizarre watching how the people around me must have experienced things. Did y'all really have these experiences with puberty in middle school???

9. Dexter (2006-2013)

I recently heard that this show is coming back for a reboot soon and I'm so excited because this is my absolute favorite drama/thriller show, as evidenced by the fact that it's the highest one on the list so far that isn't a comedy. I love the idea of having a protagonist who is sort of a villain (or at least morally dubious), and the idea of a serial killer who only kills bad people is particularly satisfying for some reason. Maybe because he's the vigilante we all deserve and want in this unjust and evil world of modern times? Idk but the very premise of this show set it up for big things and aside from the ending I think it delivered consistently.

10. Once Upon A Time (2011-2018)

This show took us on some journeys, and you can't deny that. Sure, maybe it didn't always finish what it started and didn't always end in the most satisfying way, but part of its charm is that you didn't care because the experience was just so much fun. They took characters and stories that have been told to death and somehow managed to put a unique and unexpected twist on them, and that alone is admirable. Good twists, good villains, and pretty much every cliffhanger known to man will keep you hooked on binge-watching every episode.

11. RuPaul's Drag Race (2009-?)

A bit different than the other entries on my list in that it's not fiction but a reality competition show, but I couldn't leave Drag Race out because it's just so fucking iconic and perfect. Even when you disagree with the judges or can't stand a certain contestant you'll still be having a good time. It's got the personalities you love to love, the ones you love to hate, and the comedy that's completely meme-able. I mean just how much has this show contributed to pop culture and the internet? More than most of us, henny. I've watched every single season, even the international ones and all of the spinoffs. This show will probably be on for another thirty years when Ru is throwing shade from a hospital bed and I'll still be watching.

12. House (2004-2012)

Some people hate on this show, and I don't get it. I love House. Yes, he's an ass. That's the point. He's supposed to be unlikeable, and that's why I like him. Maybe because I always love the rude, sarcastic, misanthropic jerkass-genius characters for some reason. And I also love procedural shows, so it's a win-win. I also work in the healthcare field so it appeals to me for that reason too, because obviously the whole premise is outlandish which is what makes it funny. Of course it's not realistic for a hospital, so just enjoy the absurdity and don't get too hung up on the details of medical accuracy and professional ethics and you'll be fine.

13. The Office (2005-2013)

The third of Michael Schur's show and the last one that made the main list (sorry Parks And Rec, I love you too but there was just so many good shows to choose from and I saw you last so the nostalgia isn't as strong!) I don't think I need to hype this show up any, it's already a classic and you can't even turn around online without getting hit in the face by a dozen Office memes. You'll have to pry this show and it's relatable characters (especially Michael Scott) from my cold, dead hands.

14. All Hail King Julien/The Penguins Of Madagascar (2008-2017)

Like Avatar/Korra, I also consider this as one show for the sake of this list because it also takes place in the same universe (Madagascar, specifically) and I just couldn't choose one over the other because they're both so perfect. They're funny and I love all the characters (it cut out the weaker links of the Madagascar film series and just focuses on expanding the standout side-characters like King Julien and the penguins). It also delved into some lore, particularly the first show, and even though I didn't also agree with the directions it took (you may have seen me get salty about the ending because I cared too much), I can't deny how much I love it.

15. Bones (2005-2017)

One of the other scarce non-comedy shows on this list, it still has it's funny moments. It's also, like House, another procedural show that involves some medical stuff, but this time on a more scientific and forensic level which is even more interesting. It's nice to see a lead female with Asperger's, too. There's a lot of cop/law enforcement shows where they try to solve crimes, but this one is the best, and I'm saying that as a fan of CSI as well. Don't fight me on this, I'm right. Oh yes, it's corny, it's campy, it's cheesy, but I love every minute of it. Don't watch if you have a weak stomach though.

16. The Simpsons (1989-?)

We all grew up with this show, don't lie. It's been around longer than most people on tumblr have even been alive. Should it have ended seasons ago? Hell yes. But that doesn't take away what the first like 20 or so seasons gave us (there's a lot of argument about when the show jumped the shark, for me it wasn't until much later than the popular consensus). The characters are amazing, but the secret to the show's longevity is that they always return to status quo and there's comfort and nostalgia in that. Bart will still be in 4th grade when you're out there pushing 90. This show is persistent. This show is eternal. This show will outlive us all.

17. Ash Vs. Evil Dead (2015-2018)

Sorely underrated. This show is hilarious, gruesome and campy as hell and I love it. I don't think you necessarily have to watch the Evil Dead movies beforehand in order to get the plot of the show, although it would probably help. In my opinion this show ended way too soon and I'm hoping someday we'll get a comeback because Ash is the reluctant, self-absorbed hero we all need and it's 2020 so at this point there really might actually be a demon-zombie apocalypse and who's gonna save us then if not for the impulsive womanizer with a chainsaw for a hand?

18. Malcolm In The Middle (2000-2006)

Another show I grew up with, I don't think it gets as much credit as it deserves. It has some damn funny episodes and great characters, and it did a lot of the popular sitcom tropes before they were 'cool'. Some other great sitcoms, The Middle in particular, took a lot of influence from this show and it helped pave the way for the future of sitcoms at a time when they were about to make a comeback. If you want a good show about the real experiences of growing up, this is a much more accurate representation of the highs and lows of being an awkward tween from a dysfunctional home.

19. A Series Of Unfortunate Events (2017-2019)

Unlike most people I actually liked the movie version from the early 2000's, and I read the books growing up so I was excited when I saw there was a live action television adaptation of it on Netflix because I felt like they cancelled the movie franchise too soon. I was interested to see how new actors would handle the roles, and I was not disappointed. I wouldn't say I liked either portrayal of the characters better or worse, they both added their own twist to it and this show is a great and loyal adaptation to the books, probably because the author was so heavily involved. He knew just when to stick to the books and when to improve upon what he had done with the benefit of hindsight. This show is basically the books, but remastered.

20. Winx Club (2004-?)

Sort of an odd one out on this list, but I really love this show even as an adult and it may surprise you to learn it is still going on and the most recent season came out last year. They take big breaks sometimes in between seasons, but it's still going strong and in multiple countries. The only thing I don't like about watching this show is all the different and inconsistent dubs since the original show is Italian and each dub only goes for a couple seasons so by the time you get used to one set of voices/names for the characters oyu have to abruptly switch to another, but it's still worth it for the beautiful animation and cool characters (especially the villains!)

Honorable Mentions:

13 Reasons Why, America's Next Top Model, American Horror Story, Arrested Development, Bates Motel, Battlestar Galactica, Black Mirror, Care Bears, Chernobyl, Courage The Cowardly Dog, Criminal, CSI, Duck Dodgers, Goosebumps, Kenny Vs. Spenny, Kim Possible, Kingdom Hospital, Lazytown, Lost, Making A Murderer, Mayday, Mindhunter, Modern Family, Monster High, Obsession: Dark Desires, Parks And Recreation, Prison Break, Project Runway, Queer As Folk, Queer Eye, Salem, Schitt's Creek, SCTV, Spongebob Squarepants, The Emperor's New School, The Good Doctor, The Haunting Of Hill House/Bly Manor, The Middle, The Pretender, The Walking Dead, The X-Files, Through The Wormhole, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Unsolved Mysteries, Yugioh

Tagging: @bullet-farmer and anyone else who wants to!

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the-paris-of-people · 3 years

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Hi. This is really not a question but more of a rant. A really really long one. I apologize in advance. I honestly care waaaaayyyy too much about this show than I should. Clearly too bored🙈.

After reading people's comments on this show and the ships, there are so many things that irk me and I thought I'd share even if I might get crap for it. So here goes:

1. "Ben only wants Devi when she is with Paxton." I.e. it's about Paxton. Lol people are funny. As though Ben thinks he can compete with Paxton on a social level. He's not stupid, he knows full well he can't. It's about Devi and in part her obsession with Paxton. People don't like thinking about things from Ben's perspective because they just don't like him. He's the one that finds out Devi is cheating, she runs after Paxton at the party ( now granted before she runs out, she's intensely staring at Ben and then realises Paxton is leaving but Ben's not gonna remember that) and she was busy chumming it up with Paxton in episode 3 in front of Ben with absolute disregard for him. So his natural defence is to guard himself and have his walls go up. It is a valid response. He burries his pain (exactly what Samberg said). And does not let his guard down around her romantically until episode 10 when Paxton literally rejects her at school. At the school dance, sparks are flying between those 2. Is Paxton around at the time...Uhm no (I'll get into the whole Aneesa thing). In his mind Paxton is out of the picture and it's like he can almost trust her again. And then when Paxton shows up with Devi, he basically feels like a fool for ever thinking that he was ever something more than 2nd best or sometimes anything at all ( especially considering Devi still wants Paxton after Devi and Paxton's last public interaction that Ben witnessed- I mean he does not get to see the shit behind closed doors). But then when Eleanor spills the tea, that look on his face is disbelief, yes a little bit of jealousy but overwhelmingly heartbreak. He is essentially watching the chance he never knew he had go away. Now you could argue that he should have known that she wanted him back but she broke his trust and does not explicitly say, " I want you back". Ben's not trying to get burnt again based on some assumption/hunch. He has been wrong before.

2. "How dare Ben be upset that Devi is with Paxton when he is with Aneesa". Fair point. Just like how dare Devi be upset and lose her shit over Ben and Aneesa. But yet it still happend. Devi gets 5 episodes allowing her to be upset and Ben can't even have one moment when a firkken bomb gets dropped on him.

Aneesa and Ben should have never date. Everyone knows that. He was never over Devi. He just pushed those feelings down to make him believe he was over her. I obviously don't agree with this. Aneesa doesn't deserve that. Ben needs to go to therapy. He needs an outlet. He is similar to Devi in that he doesn't want to process what happened and would rather move on and react. However, his reactions are far less impulsive/severe as Devi's. Him dating Aneesa is unfortunately a reaction. He didn't give himself time to really process how he feels. People say he dated Aneesa solely to spite Devi which is not true. Is there an element of " you never wanted me but someone else does"... absolutely but Aneesa is also very kind to Ben, they get along really well and she puts him first. Technically what's not to like. I mean if it was just to spite Devi, could he have not tried to hustle his way back in with Shira?? Problem is that dumb dumb didn't work through his Devi feelings and let's just be honest, the same spark and chemistry he has with Devi, is missing with Aneesa. It often feels forced, especially in regards to the pace of the relationship. I so wished Aneesa remained friends with Ben. That's what he needed...not another relationship.

3. "Aneesa is so amazing, she doesn't deserve to get hurt." I agree. She absolutely doesn't deserve to get hurt just like Ben and Paxton didn't deserve that crap Devi pulled. I think Aneesa is a great addition and I like that Devi has someone within her community to connect to. I'm South Asian myself and I genuinely value this aspect of my own life. I mean she is pretty great, kind and the anorexia rumour Devi unintentionally started was pretty heartbreaking. That scene where she talks to Devi at the relay about it, is so sad (especially coz we as viewers know Devi messed up). Now that being said is Aneesa also low key shady? YES. And it's not because she dated her friend's ex. It's because she started dating him knowing that Devi started the rumour about her because she was jealous about Ben and her. How does she think Devi would go from being so jealous that she starts a rumour, to the next week becoming their biggest "Stan". Come on girl. But there was no way Devi could say no after the crap she pulled with Aneesa. Ben did ask her out so if there is blame, he absolutely gets it too but he didn't know why Devi started that rumour (based on his surprised AF face when Eleanor spills the tea). Which leads me to my next question. Why didn't Aneesa tell him? Aneesa said Ben was supporting her through the rumour. She probably told him Devi started the rumour but didn't tell him why? That is odd? Clearly if Ben had known, he may changed his perspective on Devi actually wanting him instead of ignoring his feelings.

Lastly Aneesa knows there are unresolved feelings between Devi and Ben. This is evident from that dance scene. She literally runs to cut in their pretty intense conversation. Like why you running girl? I didn't think much of it at first but coupled with another moment, it makes a lot of sense. When Ben agrees to dance with Aneesa, he looks back at Devi and lingers and Aneesa picks up on this and pulls him away. It's a blink and you will miss it moment but it is there.

Now all of this doesn't mean she needs to get hurt but they probably need to break up. Ben needs to be single for a while and work through how he feels about Devi, Aneesa and most importantly himself. Whilst I don't particularly enjoy their relationship, you never get to see it from either of their perspectives. Maybe that could change things but honestly I just prefer Ben and Devi.

Also can everyone stop acting like Ben is dating Devi's best friend. Being brown doesn't make you automatically best friends and Ben and Devi met Aneesa the same week. People are acting like he is dating Eleanor.

4. "Devi chose Paxton". Please! The only thought through decision that girl made in regards to these 2 boys is when she chose herself and decided not to be Paxton's little secret. I mean in episode 1 and 2 she can't decide so she dates both. In episode 3, she interacts with Paxton because of the whole tutoring thing. He says they don't makes sense. While she seems a bit sad she doesn't seem too upset like she is season 1 and she isn't looking for any opportunity to spend time with him (unlike season 1). Episode 4,5,6,7 and 8 she is losing her mind over Ben. Half way through 8 she knows she has no choice but to let him go. But even after that she doesn't pursue Paxton. He does that at the end of episode 9 when in all honesty she hasn't really thought about him in a while. Then of course Paxton does what he does and she finally choose herself, issuing an ultimatum essentially. Paxton does eventually show up...but it's a choice by default. She just yo-yo's between them. She also needs to be single, deal with her loss, love herself and think about what she wants.

5. "Devi loves Paxton". Sure bud. Does have Devi have feeling for Paxton? Duh! But is it love. Nope. People like to confuse infatuation for love. She has been infatuated with this boy this the 3rd (she knew squat about him). When her dad died, she turns that infatuation into an obsession. It like becomes a full time hobby in season 1. She ruins relationships over it. In season 2 you can argue there is more depth to it and Paxton does grow in Season 2. But somehow she is still fixated on the fact that it's Paxton Hall-Yoshida. I mean she smells him (totally normal), Mc Enroe's comment at the relay was, "did this hunk of beef just say he likes spending time with her", when she breaks up him she says , "you are very good at kissing" not possibly any of his other good qualities. And at the end she says , "I guess I'm Paxton Hall Yoshida's girlfriend now". This boy is so far up a pedestal that if he fell of it, he'd break something. Now granted if he fell of it in Season 1, he'd be dead. So progress I guess...

Maybe the relationship will change in Season 3 and she genuinely falls in love with him. I mean Id be sad but obviously a real possibility. But also that relationship needs to move on from being just the "Paxton project" which it was basically all of season 2. Maybe actually talk about her every once in a while.

Also people who find the ending so amazing because he shows up...bare minimum bro. I understand his perspective, how does it look to go back with someone who cheated on you. Fair point 💯. However she didn't start this shit up again. He did. He liked her so much that he had to make out with her In the middle of the night out of the blue but not enough to respect her publically. That's some BS right there. If he started it, he should have thought it through instead of guilt tripping her. But he is a teenager and ALL of them make incredibly stupid decisions (we all have). Devi messed up big time too and she apologized. The same compassion must extend to him but in no way is it a grand gesture, it's the bare minimum...like her apologies

6. "Paxton forgave Devi forgave Devi so quickly whilst Ben didn't and was so mean". He did forgive her pretty quickly. Good for him. However let's not act like circumstance didn't carve the way for that. They were pushed together because of the whole tutoring thing and he knows that they have to see each other all the time. So logically just makes sense to keep the peace. But still mature oh his part. Also he wasn't as emotionally invested as Ben. Did he have feelings? Yes. However, based on his inner monologue (Gigi Hadid) his ego took more of a hit because how could Devi, the "weirdest girl" he ever liked two time him with Ben Gross. Did his feelings deepen by the end? Yes. But at the start...it isn't that deep.

Also it's great and all that he "forgave" her so quickly but he sure did like bringing it up a lot. Like at the relay guilting her, upset at the end of 6 because he failed...I mean wtf girl you owe me- I don't really care what else is going on in your life, again in episode 8 in the car and finally we all know the mess that is episode 10.

In regards to Ben. His anger is justified for reasons stated in point 1. In fact his reaction seems more real because he is deeply hurt by Devi. Do I like some of his reaction (i.e. nose piercing-will discuss this further) ...nope but she only sincerely apologises to him in episode 8 vs 3 for Paxton. He accepts it. People acting like they would be so calm and chill about being cheated on. And yes he did cheat on Shira. He tries to kiss Devi at party twice but apologises that day and the following week. He doesn't try anything with Devi the whole of episode 10 until she kisses him. He acknowledges that it was wrong and immediately breaks up with Shira. Although cheating is not something we should condone can we actually acknowledge that Shira was the worst and doesn't even remember Ben's name. Compare that to Devi's premeditated cheating. Her Eleanor are literally laughing at how amazing they are for pulling it off and Devi didn't care about either of their feelings cause she was going to be India. Sorry but that is far worse. She also thinks she can bullshit her apology with Ben. He isn't here for that...which is fine! He kept trying his level best to avoid her but even that she wouldn't let him do.

7. "Ben is Horrible". Has Ben done some shitty things. Absolutely. People complain that he has never apologised for anything. Fair enough. He needs to apologize for the UN comment and the psychosomatic comment. It was incredibly hurtful. However, no one does call him out of it. Now you could argue he should just do it. Please... have you watched these particular set of teenagers? None of them apologise without being called out on it first(except maybe Fabiola). And you only get called out my your support system ... which Ben does not have. He practically looks like he raised himself. He doesn't have parents to put him back in line or a sister to call him out on his shit. Devi has her mom, cousin, grandmum , Elanor, Fabiola and her therapist. Does she ever listen to them the first time? Nope. And her first time apologies are such messes. She only gets it right the 2nd or 3rd time. All of them have some form of support but not really him. And it is heartbreaking. It's why I genuinely believe he needs to go to therapy. He needs an outlet to express everything he feels. He also needs to be held accountable for those comments and understand the root of it (ok let's be honest Devi even in their rivalry was probably the most constant person in his life, and fighting with her meant she stayed close by- it's a subconscious thing). He should apologize to her and also find better ways to communicate what he is feeling. The nose ring thing was manipulative. I agree. He should apologize. But I'm not gonna lie, it doesn't piss me off as much because I think it's pretty messed that it took that for her to realise how much she hurt him. Also tbh if you were willing to alter your body on a 2 minute thought out dare, you wanted to do it anyway. But again not a healthy way to emote on Ben's part. The David thing doesn't upset me because he knows how to pronounce her actual name. It's not like he doesn't know how and doesn't bother to try. It was part of their rivalry to irritate her. I honestly find it quite endearing as part of their friendship and think Devi does. I may be wrong and she may not like it and in that case he needs to stop and apologize.

I am not upset by him coming over to her house and calling her out about Aneesa. She deserved it. Also if she was that uncomfortable she could have taken him outside to talk like she did with Paxton. She is clearly comfortable enough to have him in the house. And her therapist agrees with Ben. If he hadn't, she wouldnt have known that Aneesa was leaving. Her mom took away her phone. And even then her first attempt at an apology was soooooo bad. And I don't think Ben did it solely to get Aneesa to stay so he could date her. This is Ben, he was willing to do long distance with Devi from India, I think he could have done the same with Aneesa from like the same town 🙄

I genuinely like Ben because he is a good kid. He makes mistakes like they all do. His personality is hilarious to watch but also his and Devi's relationship is so special. Me liking Ben and Devi has nothing to do with what Paxton has or has not done. I just like the dynamic between the two. They obviously care deeply for each other. Their conversations are hilarious. I love their banter. I love how comfortable they are with each and am sometimes surprised by the depth of their conversations. But also they have amazing chemistry. All the jealous looks and angst are between these two idiots pining for each other. I think she does have chemistry with Paxton but it's more because he is PHY, school Adonis. I mean let's be honest, he'd probably have chemistry with Fabiola solely cause he is PHY. The two nerds just match each other and it's so funny how often they are in sync. It's honestly adorable. They just get each other. That bathroom scene was the sweetest thing and also proves he's not this terrible person. She only comes out of the stall because of his support. He is genuinely hurt for her when technically it should have been a great moment for him.

I do believe the two have to be single for a bit before admitting their feelings for one another and moving forward. That's why my main thing for season 3 is that he absolutely cannot interfere in her relationship with Paxton. He needs to give her the space to figure that. Do I think there will be moments between them... absolutely but no cheating please. Everyone needs to move on from that. If they do it...I honestly think il be done with the show.

Anyways sorry for the really long ramble. If you made it to the end thanks for your patience 😌

Thank you for this beautiful masterpiece, I pretty much agree with everything and need to put it out there for the world to see

#im obsessed with benvi and yall KNOW it #ben x devi #thanks for the response i was soooo entertained while reading it #never have i ever

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horansqueen · 3 years

Text

New Angel - Chapter 13

story masterlist [x]

chapter 1 ☆ chapter 2 ☆ chapter 3 ☆ chapter 4 ☆ chapter 5 ☆ chapter 6 ☆ chapter 7 ☆ chapter 8 ☆ chapter 9 ☆ chapter 10 ☆ chapter 11 ☆ chapter 12

NOTES

☆ written from Niall’s pov ☆ i don’t proofread, I never do, I hate it. ☆ AU comedy/fluff/smut/romance ☆ 2.5k ☆ i accept requests and ideas for this story, so message me in my inbox! (added @niallerlover ‘s request in this chapter! 😊💖) ☆ if you want to be notified when this story is updated (or be taken off the update list) CLICK HERE

NIALL

We stared at each other and I was pretty sure her heart was thumping against her chest as hard as mine was. I wanted to tell her what she wanted to hear but I couldn't, and I knew that somehow, I was going to hurt her. I also felt like it wouldn't be the last time and that thought made me swallow hard. I should let her go right now and make sure I wouldn't make things worse. If I let her go, she could be with someone who was ready to commit in a way I wasn't, and I had no idea when I would be. I should stop everything with her and leave, I should tell her I don't love her and let her fall for someone else, but I couldn't seem to find the words to do that. Perhaps it was purely selfish and my thoughts were suddenly invaded with my ex girlfriend and everything she had told me only a few hours before. I swallowed my tears and breathed in deeply, trying to get back to my senses.

"I was a bit... baffled by your confession." I admitted, glancing down before forcing myself to look up in her eyes again. "I like you and you know it, but I'm not ready for a relationship and I don't know when I'll be." I felt my heart twist knowing that my next sentence could hurt her but I had to say it. "And I don't know who it'll be with."

Her face changed, her lips parted and my heart sank in my chest.

"I see." she whispered, looking away.

"I'm sorry, Summer. I just can't guarantee you we're going to be official at some point because I have no idea what I want." I breathed in and sighed when I realized she was avoiding my eyes. "I'll understand if you want to stop everything."

She closed her eyes and I was scared I had broken her heart when that was really not my intention. I never thought some random girl I had met in a bar could fall for me so fast and I started wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Summer was beautiful, smart, joyful and sweet. Anyone with half a brain would be happy to date her but the thought of throwing myself into a new relationship scared me and made me nauseous at the same time. It was not her, it was just that I didn't trust anyone anymore, or almost. Ever since Grace broke my heart, I couldn't imagine giving what was left of it to anyone, and I was totally ready to face the consequences of it, even if it meant I would lose someone like Summer, or that I'd ruin the last chance I could have with Grace.

"No, I get it." she whispered before swallowing hard. "I knew it was too fast, I knew you said you weren't over your ex girlfriend, I'm sorry I insisted. It's just... I like you, and I had to tell you."

I felt half-relieved and half-bad for her answer. I didn't want to lose her but if she had decided to give up on me, I would only have Grace to deal with. I opened my lips to tell her about my ex girlfriend coming back but quickly changed my mind. I wanted to take a decision before talking about the other to them both. It was probably a bad idea but I had no idea what I would tell them and I felt like mentioning the other would make both of them feel bad.

I was in deep shit and I knew it, and I also knew I had to take a decision fast, but I was too confused to think straight.

"What do we do now?" I asked gently, raising my eyebrows. "Do you need time?"

"No..." she sighed, shaking her head. "I mean, I need to study a lot this week so I guess we can see each other next weekend?"

"That works for me."

"We can text though, and I'll call you whenever I have a minute."

My eyes roamed on her and I swallowed hard. All of this started to dangerously seem like a real relationship but I decided not to mention anything. How many times would I need to have this conversation with Summer?

"Alright, darling."

She sent me a sad smile and walked up to me quickly before wrapping her arms around my chest. It took me a second or two to react and finally hugged her back. We heard the door open and a voice came to us from the hall but Summer didn't move.. In fact, she held me tighter against her but I couldn't help it and turned around just in time to see Andrew's smile fall.

"Oh, I didn't know you were here."

I raised my eyebrows and pressed my lips together in somewhat of a sorry smile and finally, Summer moved away from me. I turned to send her a smile too and she brought her shoulders up and close to her cheeks before tilting her head.

"I thought you two were... mad at each other." Andrew added, catching Summer's attention.

"Yea but we're good now."

"Cool."

It suddenly felt extremely awkward but I didn't want to get into this at all. Obviously, Andrew had feelings for Summer but she seemed to be quite oblivious about it and I was not going to be the one to point it out to her. I started wondering if maybe she'd be happier with him but felt her hand slide on my chest.

"Andrew's here to study with me." she explained, making my lips curl a bit more.

It's only when my eyes met hers that I realized she was mentioning it because she was scared I was jealous. I raised my eyebrows as my heart jumped in my chest and finally licked my lips.

"Okay, I'll leave you too." I just replied, still smiling. "I'll see you soon."

I walked until the door and made a quick head movement to Andrew on my way as Summer followed me. She leaned against the side of the door as I walked out and I just turned around to send her one last smile before waving and running down the stairs.

---

My heart thumped in my chest the whole ride home and when I closed the door behind myself, I quickly rushed to Millie's room. I had to talk to someone and I knew she was the only one who was ready to listen to me. I could have tried with Louis but he was stuck in his little world with his new girlfriend and I knew how that felt. It was a bit useless to call him especially knowing that he wouldn't be completely listening to me anyway. However, I quickly regretted my decision when I opened Millie's door. I should have knocked, I knew it, but I was lost in my thoughts and I didn't think.

"Mill, I really need to t-" I stopped myself and helped my breath before muttering a low "Oh shit."

She grabbed the blanket of her bed and threw it over her as I quickly closed my eyes and when I repeated 'Oh shit.' again, she started laughing. It was not a nervous or embarrassed laughter, it was a real laugh that made my heart skip a beat. I turned around quickly and closed the door behind myself as I kept hearing Millie laugh from the other side. I leaned against the wall and slid down until I was sitting on the floor before leaning my forehead on my knees, letting out a short groan. I hadn't expected to see my friend masturbating and I felt extremely guilty for not knocking. I was so lost in my head on that day that I didn't seem to have place anymore for judgement and clearly, it had played against me.

I heard the door open again but it took me a while to look up only to meet Millie's smiling face. I probably would have been a bit annoyed if someone had caught me touching myself because they didn't take the time to knock but she just smiled more when our eyes and licked her lips.

"You can come in, I put my toys away."

"Mill!" I let out, getting up quickly. "That's too much info!"

"If you didn't want info, Horan, you should have knocked. I told you I was going to masturbate before you left!" she argued, turning around as I closed the door behind myself. "Now you're stuck with that image in your brain forever!"

The satisfied smile on her lips made my heart get back to a normal been and I chuckled. "Alright, fair enough. I'm sorry, Millie."

"It's cool, don't sweat it." she shrugged, sitting on her bed. I noticed she had actually made it and I walked closer, not daring to sit down too. "Everyone does it, and I'm pretty sure you didn't see much."

It was true, I had barely seen anything, but the thought in itself was quite nice. It made me think that I would have to use my hand too all week since Summer was busy and the thought of asking Grace to have sex crossed my mind but I quickly blinked a few times, pushing it away. It was an horrible idea and I knew it.

"You're right."

"Now, tell me what you wanted to talk about."

I sighed and sat next to her, my eyes lost in space as I shook my head slightly. "When I left, Summer was with her friend Andrew and, they were about to study together."

"Mm, I see." Millie let out, nodding slowly. "You know, it's normal to be jealous. But I think she made it clear that you're the one she likes."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and closed my eyes, a bit scared of what Millie was going to say after I told her the truth. "That's the problem. I'm not jealous at all." I admitted firmly. "I'm sick to my stomach thinking Grace may have fucked with an other guy but thinking about Summer and Andrew having sex at this exact moment?" I shrugged and finally turned to look in Millie's eyes. "I really don't care."

When her gaze met mine, I quickly looked away. I tried to think about something else than Millie touching herself but it wasn't easy and I cleared my throat as she sighed low. I felt her move on the bed and when I glanced at her, I noticed she was leaning against the wall almost in the same position than when I entered.

"I mean, you still love Grace, and you don't have the same feelings for Summer. To me it's quite legit." she admitted, tilting her head. "You can't force feelings for Summer, you know? But that doesn't mean they won't develop with time."

"Just like your feelings for Louis will disappear with time."

She seemed to think for a second and shrugged a shoulder. "Falter, yea. Disappear completely, I don't know. I hope so."

"Did he ever catch you masturbating too?" I asked, my lips curling into a smirk.

She chuckled and grabbed a pillow before hitting me with him roughly. I had to joke about the situation or I clearly wouldn't be able to think about something else.

"Catch, no! But he did see me, and I saw him."

My face twisted in a grimace and I raised my nose up. "Why did I ask?" I whined, making Millie laugh. "My two best friends made nasty shit all the time, this is crazy!"

"Well, now one of your best friends gets no action and when she wants to take care of herself, you walk in her room without knocking!"

"Need some help?" I joked, an amused smile on my lips.

"No! I order on amazon, thank you!"

I laughed and she did too before I turned my body slightly her way, still sitting on her bed. "I talked with Louis, I think he understood but..."

"But what?"

I licked my lip and breathed in before sighing. I didn't dare to look in her eyes for a few seconds and finally did. All she did was nod and send me a sad smile.

"But he really loves her." she just let out in a sad and soft tone. "Don't worry, I already knew that."

"So, Summer is busy all week and I really don't want to see Grace for now." I quickly pointed out after a minute or two of silence. I was desperate to change the subject and our love stories were disasters we clearly needed a break from. "How about we just spend the week together?"

Millie frowned, not completely sure of what I was proposing. "You and I? Spending time together like real friends?"

"Yea! We both need some distraction. No love story, no relationship bullshit. Just two best friends enjoying each other's company and having fun. How's that to you?"

Millie sighed and sat up before moving her upper body closer to me and raising her eyebrows. I looked deeply into her green eyes and she pressed her lips together. "At the end of the week, do you think you'll be able to choose which girl your heart desires?"

My eyes roamed on her face and I nodded very lightly. "Hopefully."

"We need to make a list or pros and cons." she proposed, moving slightly farther. "One of each for each girl every day. Then we can compare the lists this weekend."

"You should also make a list of all the things Louis did that got on your nerves." I pointed out, making her chuckle low.

"Okay, deal." she nodded. "But I work tomorrow."

"No problem, I'll pick you up and we can hang out." I just said, getting up and passing my hand in my hair. "But for now, I'm starving, I'm gonna go grab a bite, do you want me to bring you something back?" I asked, an other cheeky smile drawing itself slowly on my lips as I took a few steps back in the door's direction. "You're probably gonna be hungry after your masturbation session."

She quickly grabbed a pillow and threw it at me, making me laugh. I dodged it with my elbow and heard her laugh too as I picked the pillow on the floor to throw it back at her.

"Burgers?" I asked, raising my eyebrows while she chuckled.

"Yes, thank you!"

I nodded and reached for the knob before opening the door and sending my friend an other smile. I liked the deal we made and thinking that we would actually spend time together without lovers or fuck friends made me feel lighter. It was exactly what I needed and I was ready to make the best out of that week off.

"I'll text you when I get back, just in case you're not done."

Her lips curled and she chuckled, tilting her head. "Good idea!"

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan story #niall horan love story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan au #my fanfics #newangel

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sour-n-salty-citrus · 3 years

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Do you have any hopes for the season finale? I saw in another ask, you described the dynamic between rick and morty this season as "very weak, distant, and downright frankly boring" and I completely agree with you! I hope that, because this is most we'll see rick and morty interacting this season, it'll have at least a few moments of what makes their dynamic so interesting to watch.

(Ok i started airing my grievances with this season, which ended up being... long, so skip this paragraph (starting at / / /) to get to my thoughts on the finale)

Oh gosh I remember that ask (I think-). And yeah, maybe I'm being a bit overly critical. I'll probably look back on this season with retrospect, and a kinder, fonder view. Ik androgynousblackbox (think thats right) made a great point about it being the season FOR rickorty shippers. And sure, I agree on some bits, like Rick acting all pissy and partying the way you would if your ex got with someone new in the planetina ep. Overall though, i think my problem lies in that I was enjoying more individual moments than episodes themselves, especially the middle three. For example- Amortycan Grickfitti. Like, I really liked the idea of the Ship getting on a crazy adventure with Summer and Morty (and Chutback). I like the idea of a Beth-Jerry-Rick adventure. But put together, it's just kinda... meh? You know? I liked the first half of the Thanksgiving special... but it kinda dragged on after that. I get that they want to give other characters (particularly female ones) more attention, which is completely understandable and i encourage it(!) but I can't help but find it underwhelming. Like, Summer in the voltron ep was like- girl how are you STILL vying for Rick's attention! He's the worst! Haven't we done this already? (I will say though I ADORE how far Beth has come, props to her for continuing to seeing through her dad's BS. I was worried the character would relapse into a more typical s1/s2 Beth, and I'm glad she didn't). Some of these plots, funnily enough, seem more fitting of the comics (they actually had a voltron parody already). Fun and entertaining for two or three-something issues, not so much a 22 minute episode. i think most of my complaints come from the dynamic between our titular characters- ok, I know I'm very biased (I mean you can see it), but I came to the show primarily for their relationship. It doesn't even feel drama-fueled, just that they kinda... can't be arsed. I'm torn because on the one hand, they're unhealthily codependent and this separation is probably a good thing, but on the other... it doesn't feel natural? I'm not sure if that's the right word- it's like, season 4 had them practically joint at the hip, but all that's suddenly flung out the window. It just kinda feels like this "i got better things to do" vibe from both of them and its strange. The only time they both got a solo adventure (I'm classifying "solo" as an adventure where they spent a significantly large portion of time together, without the other family members) was in the sperm ep and Thanksgiving ep. And, well, in the Thanksgiving ep Morty felt like a side character in his own show, and the sperm ep... um. Yeah. I don't think it's AS bad as people were saying, but I was cringing the whole time (the second hand embarrassment for Morty was so strong I had to turn off the episode multiple times and return to it. It's just like- godammit MORTY). And I think there's good reason those two seemed to be the most disliked episodes overall. They're the ones RaM spend the most time together and it's... meh. Meh? Meh. I don't mean to say the season overall is bad (it has loads of good points, and its amazing for Smith family as a whole) just that if we're talking specifically about the dynamic between these two? Yeah, I wouldn't recommend a single episode from this season so far to use as an example of their relationship.

/ / /

There's one thing this season has been pretty good at, though. And it's showing us what happens when Rick is alone.

And that brings me to the finale.

"Who is Rick without Morty?"

Well... we already know the answer to that. Pathetic. Sad. Lonely.

This season has been phenomenal in humbling Rick. (And trust me I'm happy for it- every time someone beats the crap outta this shitty old man I'm like YES!!! IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES!). Ep 1 had his "nemesis" clearly besting him, ep 2 had Beth making constant digs (love her) and overall pointing out his extreme callousness and cruelty towards even himself(ves). Ep 3- when Morty shows interest in a girl and ditches him (like seriously it's not like he's moving out, chill) he immediately goes on a bender and develops a deep attachment to the first person he can (wearing yellow, funnily enough). Ep 4, he devotes himself to becoming an "honest man" for his new child, only for it to instantly be taken away from him. Ep 5 highlights how RICK is the asshole for making fun of and taking advantage of someone well-meaning and honest, if "simple", and how literally not cool that is. Ep 6 has his crazy rivalry with the president, and they both get smacked down a couple pegs for that. Ep 7 shows what happens when he allows himself to get carried away, and that he can end up driving everyone else away in the process (lucky they still wanted to save his ass when he needed them). And episode 8? Hooooo boy. Episode. 8. We see a direct parallel in Birdperson with Morty, and the whole "Rick and [insert] 100 years!" Rick has few people he cares about, arguably only one or two that he truly devotes himself to, but when he does, boy does he go HARD. We see younger Rick, optimistic, energetic, friendly and hopeful. And we see all of that crushed in minutes. Rick is desperate for a companion, someone to see the stars with. He needs someone there, someone he can trust and rely on to stay. Someone like Morty. So without Morty, who is Rick?

No one.

And the thing is, Morty doesn't need Rick anymore. Not like Rick needs him. In season 1, Morty was this bright-eyed kid who was new to the cosmos and the multiverse, who needed his grandpa there with him as they explored all these places together. But that's not him anymore. That's not them.

The promo has Morty using the portal gun to go somewhere w/o Rick's permission (i like to think it's boob world lol). It doesn't matter to me as much where he's going, as much as he's doing it alone. He doesn't just not need Rick there, he doesn't want him.

(Also correct me if im wrong but I've missed that sweet portal gun so much. I think the last ep was like- the first time this season we saw it).

Morty's response to Rick? "Replace me!". And wow. Wow. WOW. Morty doesn't give a FUCK! I think Rick thinks that because he's so smart, that he can offer so much, that Morty will come crawling back, and I don't think he will.

Hopes for the finale! Hmm. I mean, I definitely hope "evil" Morty makes a reappearance, haha. I think we all do tbh ;). I want to see some Morty development too, this season has been very Rick-centric (not that there's anything wrong with that!) so I wanna see what's in store for Our Boy. I really hope we get to see the Citadel again, and see the state it's in, but I doubt it. We know something super big is in store, it's just a question of what? Other hopes I have is some Summer + Beth action (please let them team up Im BEGGING) and Jerry too ahaha. I'd love if some other side characters made an appearance as well. Oh- I'm definitely expecting a dramatic cliffhanger at the end of the first half leading to the second half, with the kind of angsty music that leads into the credits (pls that shit is so good (OH WAIT imagine if it was like, for the damaged coda, but like- the chopin version or smth so it could be more subtle maybe bruhhhh)). Ok haha, maybe that's asking too much, the writers made it clear in the story train ep that they weren't gonna do that big dramatic showdown (... unless 👀). Oh, I'd also love some Premium Angst too, like someone getting kidnapped/nearly dying (like ACTUALLY nearly dying). These stakes better be so damn high I could spear a man on them! OH, also I remember androgynousblackbox (is that right? I hope it is) mentioned something along the lines that they could be driving Rick and Morty apart this season in order to have them come back together stronger than ever in an explosive finale, which, I'm strongly hoping for myself.

Thanks if you made it this far! If you have any thoughts on or hopes of your own for the finale please feel free to share! :D

#ohmygod im sorry #i rambled way too long #akdjsksaksn #someone needs to take this phone away #also AGAIN im not shitting on s5 as a whole i actually quite like it #its just the RaM dynamic thats lacking #but again that could be intention so ig we'll see #RaM #rick and morty #meta #?#long post #citrus speaks #oh wait i should probably tag to be safe #rickorty mention

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alexawynters · 3 years

Text

Venting. Don’t take this too seriously it’s fine I’m fine.

So my recent ex gf of 8 months (I count the time we were fucking around as well as dating bc let’s not lie I caught feels early because I’m pathetic) who broke up with me a little over two months ago is now hooking up with one of my closest friends.

Its cool. I still cry myself to sleep, have nightmares, and wake up crying throughout the night but it’s fine. I spend more time drunk than sober (I had been doing so well! It was two years since I was last an alcoholic) and replaying every red flag, every moment where I thought to myself “you know, I don’t think she really likes me, you don’t treat the people you like this way right?” And then my dumb desperate ass was like “no we’re going to overlook this because surely she would tell me right? Besides I’m asking for too much, I should just be grateful she even expressed any interest at all. Stop being needy. Stop asking for anything other than what she is giving you because you’re lucky she’s even with you, what’s wrong with you?

Like. The first two months we were together? I called my besties every other week crying because I felt like a human sex toy. She didn’t even seem to want to do relationship things. I didn’t understand why she even asked me out, I had told her before we got together if all she wanted to be was fwb that was okay. But she asked me out so I was like okay cool. You want to date me. As in be in a relationship. I’m excited for this. Let’s do relationship things. We didn’t often do relationship things. We did sexual ones instead.

Then after two months suddenly the sex all but stopped. I thought to myself okay cool every relationship hits a plateau, and levels out. This is normal. Little did I know that was the slow death of us. The. I was calling my besties every other week again, still crying, begging to know what I was doing wrong. Why wasn’t I good enough? Why didn’t she seem interested but was still with me? What was I doing wrong? What was I not doing enough of, or too much of, or just not doing right? What was wrong with me that I couldn’t seem to interest her beyond the bare bones minimum?

I found myself begging for her to spend time with me. I lived with roommates who were our friends, and it always felt like she wanted to spend more time with them than me. I had to ask her if we could have some “just us” nights which, rarely were ever actually just us unless we went out. There were times she would literally, every five minutes look out the window to see when my roommates were home, and I was like ???? Do you not want to spend time with me? She would go to the kitchen to get something and be gone for twenty minutes to an hour at a time, having gotten distracted and hanging out with them. Which isn’t inherently bad to be clear but it happened so often and I wondered. I never forgot about her when I was leaving the room and got stopped for a conversation. If I knew I was going to be long I would text her to invite her or let her know.

I had even told her if she wants to just hang out with them, she could. I genuinely wouldn’t have minded that. Have fun with your friends, you should. I could hang out in my room and be me (I’m incredibly introverted, autistic, and have anxiety, and the living situation had me ~*stressed*~ out) but she didn’t want to do that.

If we were out on a date, she was almost always texting, or snap chatting somebody else. I always tried to make it a point to focus on us when we were in dates, but it never felt reciprocated. I brought it up and then felt like an asshole for already asking for just us time, and now to please not be on your phone when we’re on a date. She looked so sad, like I had scolded her. I would replay it over and over in my head - I tried to be gentle and polite, not accusing or angry. I checked my words carefully and ran them by multiple people to try to be as non aggressive and non accusatory as I could before I ever spoke them to her. Clearly I didn’t succeed.

She has OCD (nothing against it and I usually found it endearing) and would sometimes go into a loop. I always tried to help her but usually just ended up frustrating her. She snapped at me on occasions including in front of my friends and didn’t often apologize for it. Something my friends brought up after she did it in front of them, and I made excuses for it. She was stressed out, I would be too, stop being so hard on her.

She never planned anything with me, I always had to do it. I brushed it off as her having anxiety and not liking planning, but when she asked me “oh we’re still doing that?” for the trip for my nieces wedding in which I was taking her to meet my (extremely judgey) family, the trip that I had been updating her on weekly about the plans trying to get any input from her on, the trip that I had to pull in favors for and grovel to get the time off to go to? I should have said never mind and cancelled it.

She didn’t even help plan my birthday. My best friends did, and showed me the texts where they were getting frustrated with her lack of input on it because she’s my girlfriend and surely she would want to participate in that? Want to help surprise me? It was my first surprise party ever. I told her thank you and she acted like she had absolutely had a hand in planning. Meanwhile my friends all got together while she and I were gone to vent about how pisses they were at her for her lack of effort.

I have some childhood trauma and I don’t like to be touched sexually. I’ll touch my partner and even enjoy it but I don’t like being touched. It triggers me. But she said no less than three times to different people “yeah I’ve still never gone down on a girl or anything” which made me feel like I wasn’t being a good enough girlfriend. So I got sex therapy. I worked through it as best I could. Not for me. I didn’t want to be touched that way but I wanted my girlfriend to be happy. I wanted to do right by her and give her everything she wanted or needed in a relationship. Right about this time is where the sex stopped. She also stopped flirting or doing things she used to do before we started/right as we started dating that were clear indicators that she liked me. (I am an oblivious idiot)

I started to get worried. Why was I working this hard if she didn’t actually want to touch me? I was happy not being touched, but now I was starting to think something was wrong. I was starting to feel like she didn’t even want me. I started asking for sex as reassurance that she was still interested. Still attracted.

She called me a horn dog.

Not just to me but also later to my best friend. I was so mortified I wanted to jump out of the window and run into traffic. *I* was a horndog? All I wanted was affection and reassurance. She said her love language was physical affection and so was mine but she rarely gave me the cuddles I needed. I would ask her for “pets” - where she would play with my hair or just run her hand up and down my arm. This for me is intimacy. I had no problems doing it for her ever but she would get annoyed when I asked, saying it was hard for her to focus on the tv.

Okay? So? I’m not asking much, I didn’t think. I stopped paying attention to the tv when I was petting her. I made her my whole focus so she would feel loved. I mean unless it was like Harry Potter but I would be mindful to alternate so she wouldn’t be left out.

She only introduced me to one of her friends (who I thought was pretty cool but I worry she hates me so I just don’t talk to her now). At first I thought this was because she was in the closet. To be clear I never had a problem with that. I would never push someone to come out before they were ready and I hate movies and media that have the partner doing that. It’s shitty and dangerous. If she felt safer in the closet more power to her. I actively went to bat for protecting that secret for her. Sometimes our friends would forget and tag her in shit that would out her. I would be in their texts and calling them immediately explaining the situation and asking them to untag or take the post down. I’m not saying that as any sort of bragging. That’s literally the least I could do. I’m saying it to illustrate that I don’t have a problem with her being in the closet. But then she told me her friends knew about us. So I was like okay cool you’ve met all of my friends and are part of the group. I’d like to meet your friends. “Um.. they’re just really busy”. I mean. Yeah so are my friends and I didn’t mean like right now I just meant maybe mention it to them and we can some time schedule a hang out. “They’re just really busy”. Red flag but okay. Gonna just. Overlook this one too. It’s fine.

I spent more nights when she visited waiting for her to fall asleep so I could cry myself to sleep over how worthless I felt. Why was I doing this? Everything hurt but maybe I was just asking too much. Had my expectations too high. I’ve been told that before. Usually by people who have left me, those who stay (and my therapist) insist I’ve been asking for the bare minimum. To this day I still don’t know. If all you get is nothing , surely you are nothing? You don’t deserve to ask for more.

By June I started thinking she’s not happy with me. I’m not the one she wants. I don’t think much of myself. I don’t think I’m worth anything. I wrote her a letter that sat in my desk at work, basically saying that she deserved to be happy. She deserved to be with someone who sparks excitement, joy, and romance in her. Someone she wants to introduce to her friends (that she’s out to). Someone that she wants to spend time with and forgets about anyone else (within reason obviously, not like actually forgetting the world friends and responsibilities). Someone she is actually excited to spend time with and looks forward to. Someone that makes her not want to cancel every other date. She shouldn’t settle, even if it’s for me.

It broke my heart to write that letter. I was going to give it to her after her birthday because I didn’t want to be a sick and break up with her right before/on her birthday. Turns out she beat me to the punch and dumped me after I took her home.

I don’t know why I was surprised. The entire relationship things didn’t feel right. I always felt like I was doing something wrong. People in my life always seem to like the idea of me and then when they get to see the real me suddenly it’s like oops too much I’m out. Or alternatively they just.. they think I’m interesting and then lose interest.

My birth mother rejected me not once but twice. My adoptive mother was thrilled at the idea of me until I got to be about 4 and she realized something wasn’t quite right. My dad doesn’t care enough about me to stop drinking. Almost every single best friend I’ve ever had growing up has left usually because of some stupid shit I’ve done or because they’re embarrassed of me. Cheryl thought I was some monster out to hurt my friends (even when said “hurt” friend who was actually there went to bat for me and confirmed that I was literally just in the wrong place at the wrong time). Holly stopped caring. Brie never cared. Johanna only cared when she could use her affection of me to hurt someone else she was being petty with. Lissa only wanted someone she could bully, and even once she had me it wasn’t enough. Jerika definitely didn’t want me, and even my closest friend of 17 years Amy left for three months in which I genuinely thought she wasn’t coming back because I had the audacity to try to help her out of a panic attack. Jocelyn couldn’t stand me for more than a week at a time and roxii didn’t have the time of day for me after Americorps.

I feel like my whole life has just been a game of measurements that’s found me wanting. I tried. I tried so hard and I know I didn’t succeed I know there were things I could have done differently with my latest ex. Things I could have done better. I’ve never wanted anything to work so much in my life. Never tried so hard and still I wasn’t enough. I’m never enough.

I watched her, the woman that I was in love with, slowly lose interest in me over the course of about 4 months. Do you know what that’s like? What that does to you? The more I tried, the quicker she seemed to fade. I kept thinking if I just try harder, I’m just not doing, saying the right things. I read every book on relationships I could get my hands on (blatantly ignoring the parts that told me I should see the red flags for what they were and step away). I took notes. I watched therapy videos. I put to work every therapy technique I had ever learned. I wasn’t perfect but I was going to give this everything I had. Just once I didn’t want anyone to be able to say I didn’t try. I wanted to be as healthy, loving and supportive of a partner as I could because I loved her and didn’t want to hurt her. I knew that I had a lot of personal growth that I had been working on before I met her and I wanted to really ramp that up while I was with her to be good to her. To be good for her.

I’m not even mad. My friends say I should be. They’re mad on my behalf and I’m the one telling them to be nice, and defending her. Part of me thinks they’re right but mostly, mostly I think I’m just a steaming pile of shit and I deserved this.

I wasn’t enough. I’m tired of not being enough. I’m tired of fighting the universe showing me over, and over, and over, and over, and over again how absolutely worthless, not shit I am.

When she broke up with me I told her I felt like I was losing one of my best friends. She said we’re still friends I’m still going to be in your life and we will still talk. Turns out that’s only if I initiate and usually shortly after she shuts it down. So. I guess not.

I asked her one thing and that was when (not if because obviously when, I mean if you saw her you would understand) she moved on if she could just not bring the new person around for the first few months so I didn’t have to see it immediately I would appreciate it and she was like yeah for sure. I told her I wanted her to be happy and I meant it. I just didn’t realize it was going to be barely over 2 months and with one of my good friends.

To be clear she can date whomever she wants. I just thought there might have been more time between them showing up publicly and honestly? Even if her friend was single, interested in me, and I interested in her, I wouldn’t have dated her friend. Even if the positions were reversed and I actually broke up with her first, I wouldn’t have dated her friend. I would imagine that would hurt and I never want to hurt her. Ever. I just.. I wouldn’t have done it. And then she told my one best friend to not tell my other best friend or me and I’m like?? So you know this is a little shady and you’re still gonna?? Like you literally couldn’t wake a couple more months? Just til after Friendsgiving so I don’t have to come to a group event and plaster on a smile when it makes me want to stab myself in the heart.

Alright. Well. Good for her. And I mean that. I just.. can’t see that right now so I’m not seeing any of them. I heard the song Reminds me of you by Kim petras today “cut off all my friends because they remind me of you” and literally felt punched in the gut. Like yep. Too right. Because what am I supposed to go go hang out with my closest friends, where she and her new partner are, and fake a smile? I’m barely holding it together. There’s literally not a day in which I don’t want to kill myself.

Not because she broke up with me. Because I’m tired of being worthless to everyone I care about. Like why the fuck am I even here? Is this what I was born for? To be trash? To be used by people until they find someone better? Or to be someone’s quirky new friend until they find out my quirks are not an act? Or for people to think Im interesting only to slowly realize that I’m not and want nothing to do with me?

I think about all the things I’ve survived that I shouldn’t have and get frustrated because wHY? Why couldnt I just have died and been done with everything? I said to Nathan the other day that at some point I have to realize that the common denominator here is me. Clearly I am the problem. Clearly I am worthless and it’s time to fucking accept that. His reply was that it’s easy to think that you’re the common denominator when it’s your life but that’s just because you’re stuck in it. Idk man. I don’t think I have just extraordinarily shitty luck. I think it’s just me.

I am worthless. Not shit. To anyone. There are some who have stayed but it’s literally just a matter of time until they leave. It’s inevitable, and I’m tired of trying to pretend it’s not. I’m tired of trying to pretend I’m worth something to anyone. I’m tired of begging people to care about me, family, friends, partners. I’m just tired. So tired. Im tired of being tired.

Fuck my life insurance policy. The majority of the people on it don’t care about me anyway, so fuck it if it doesn’t pay out. It wouldn’t be my problem. Sitting here trying to think of ways that wouldn’t traumatize my roommates, would be guaranteed, relatively pain free, and wouldn’t put anyone else at risk. And then I remember I’m a coward and if I fuck it up then there goes what little I have made of my career, I’d lose my job (not that I’m thriving anyway), I’d probably be permanently damaged in ways that would then make me a burden to my parents.

Maybe I can’t kill myself, but somebody else sure could. I could find somebody abusive and just throw myself into that until one day they take it too far. That’s about what I deserve. And then my policy would pay out and the people I live most would be taken care of, regardless of how their treatment of me makes me feel. Maybe I could do some good in this world. The only good I’ll have ever done but it has to count for something right? Who am I kidding nothing I do counts for anything but I’m crazy and keep doing the same things expecting different results.

It’s funny. The one person who wants to leave me the most, can’t. I wish I could though.

Don’t take this too seriously I’m venting. it’s fine, I’m fine.

#God I wish that I could do that #Good for you #TW depression #I’m fine #tw suicidal ideation

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patina-millers-biceps · 4 years

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Tell us how you would redo SMASH tell ussssss

OH HELL YEH Thanks.

OK, SO in my ideal world, Smash runs for 5 seasons. Remember that bc I’ll come back to that later. Overall Tone: I would take it all... and dial it up to 100. Remember Ellis? Now EVERY character is that fucking crazy. It’s like Glee if Glee was self-aware to how batshit crazy it was, and relished it. The problem was that Theresa Rebeck (season 1) knows what NYC theatre is like, tried to be realistic, but also make it relatable to middle America, and that Joshua Safran (season 2) does not but also tried the same things. When really they needed someone who A) knew what NYC theatre was like B) didn’t give a fuck and C) didn’t give a fuck also about if middle America found it relatable. But Sarah! What about viewings? You ask. Well, if YOU’RE the moron who’s going to write about a hyper-specific industry I think you just gotta dive in. Commit. Make everything fucking crazy and completely unrelatable to literally everyone. Riverdale that shit but make it good writing. Ultimately, it’s why season 1 worked better. Because at least my girl Theresa knew how to write drama without resorting to burying her gays. I think she should have taken it up higher though. Like, when Uma Thurman’s character got an allergic reaction? I think Karen and Ivy should have teamed up to poison her. I said what I said. As for the Team Ivy vs. Team Karen? We’re balancing a tricky line here bc it has to be dramatic but also not misogynistic. (that season 1 Ivy character assassination? Bad.) Ideally, these two would go from hating each others GUTS to reluctantly teaming up against movie star Rebecca (Uma Thurman would thus have to appear earlier and stay longer), deciding that they are in love actually like each other, and cheering on their successes and hating on the MEN who force them against each other. (But while we’re on the subject... #TeamIvy). That Out Of The Way: Season 1: The Bombshell Workshop Phase Season 1 would ONLY follow the workshop phases of season 1. Which is most of it. Here we have Ivy and Karen’s strangers to enemies to reluctant teammates to friends to lovers arc. This is the emotional core of the show. Rebecca Uma Thurman has to show up around the midway point. Julia’s adoption arc? Throw it out. Sorry Ms. Rebeck i stan you but it sucks. Focus on her and Tom’s friendship as the secondary emotional standpoint. They’ve worked with with other for years!! That dynamic is awesome!! But they were fighting the whole ass show??? Nah. Pit them against Derek. I would change nothing with Eileen. Oh I also don’t give a shit about Karen’s shitty boyfriend. Season 2: The Bombshell Out of Town Tryout/ Enter Hit List The first half of season two is the out of town tryout with #TeamIvyKaren against #TeamRebecca coming to a head through rehearsals and the first few previews. Like, I’m talking some Phantom of the Opera level fuckery these two are doing. Falling set pieces, costume malfunction, Ivy actually fucking putting the peanuts in her smoothie. It’s seen as OK bc in this version of Smash Rebecca is a terrible person who has no respect for the ~~**~Theatre~~**~~ The creative team still choose Karen as Marilyn (why?) but she doesn’t get good reviews!! This causes Karen to freak out if the theatre life is really right for her when she meets Jimmy and Kyle. Karen jumps ship to Hit List, Ivy rises to her rightful place as Marilyn in Bombshell. Rehearsals begin to reshape the show for Broadway, Hit List lands its Off-Broadway run. Season 3: Broadway Here I Come/ It’s Tony Time Babey!! Bombshell opens on Broadway, Hit List opens Off-Broadway and KYLE DOESN’T FUCKING DIE (He still gets hit by a car, everyone thinks he died at first, but he’s just in a coma for a few episodes wherein he has weird out-of-body experiences.) Hit List transfers to Broadway. BUT WE HAVE SOME DRAMA because Movie Star Rebecca has landed the role of Maggie in a revival of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof! We have some cross-show hate bt Bombshell/ Hit List/ and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof because they’re all on 45th street. There’s drama bt Julia and Kyle bc of Kyle’s fling with Tom! But will it last? No! Kyle ends up really hitting it off with Wesley Taylor’s ensemble member character when he visits Tom backstage at Bombshell! Eileen threw one too many drink in her ex husbands face and he’s legally blind now also she’s producing Bombshell AND Hit List! I’m fucking crapping that shit with Ana getting booted from Hit List and Derek being a perv. Karen and ivy still really hate Rebecca (??? it’s Smash it doesn’t have to make sense!) so they stage a coup and replace her in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof with Jennifer Hudson’s character! The Tonys happen! I liked how they worked out in the show, so i’ll keep that. Jimmy still goes to prison! Tom gets back together with Sam! Season 4: That’s How We Keep 8 Shows A Week Fresh Y’all Basically what it sounds like. We go back and forth between Hit List and Bombshell and the absolute CHAOS of backstage on Fake Broadway. There’s a snowstorm that shuts down the city, people hooking up backstage. Derek has an actual redemption arc. Ivy does not get knocked up bc she knows how to use birth control. The Big Story is how bc Eileen is involved with some illegal shit if it’s going to all come crashing down on the unsuspecting actors and writers. Tom and Julia start writing their Great Gatsby Musical. Fictional Lin-Manuel Miranda is there. Jimmy gets out of prison and rejoins the cast. This season takes up about 2 years of time and will be dubbed the weakest one by critics and fans alike. Season 5: Big Finish! Bombshell and Hit List have been running for about 3 years total by now. Eileen’s illegal shit comes out. Bombshell and Hit List have to close! It’s a really long that takes up the whole season. All the camp of the previous seasons is gone now and it actually is really beautiful and sad. Some real “What I Did For Love” shit. At the end, Hit List is able to transfer back Off-Broadway a la Jersey Boys and Avenue Q with a new producer, Bombshell dies but goes out strong and is recorded for PBS and eventual DVD. Ivy now finds out she’s pregnant and also joins the workshop of The Great Gatsby The Musical as Daisy, Ana is Jordan Baker, Sam is Jay Gatsby, Nick Carraway is played Nick Jonas’s character who no one has seen since season 1. Derek is the director. Another Op’ning Another Show yall. Karen and Ivy reunite to sing “Big Finish” End of Series. You’re welcome everyone, even though literally only 1 person asked for this.

#smash nbc #andy mientus #jeremy jordan #christian borle #megan hilty #katherine mcphee #leslie odom junior #debra messing #angelica houston #my stuff

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 4 years

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So: what ARE all the various things Quentin Coldwater visibly has not processed or unpacked or come to terms with by the end of season 4? Have you made a list?

sure, let’s give this a whirl, shall we?

1. quentin’s death itself - kind of cheating since technically quentin does not come back to life in the show, but the obvious starting point in any post-s4 fic about him. i feel like dying and coming back to life on its own has gotta be messed up in even the best circumstances, possibly unless you do it like penny where you never really have a moment of feeling like you have died. in the softest interpretation of quentin’s death, it was still a violent sudden untimely death, which feels like it adds to that. which is not getting into —

2. the fact that quentin’s death was self-inflicted - i think there’s definite room for ambiguity in considering, like, how suicidal his suicide was, so to speak, all the way from “he walked into the mirror realm planning or at least hoping to die” to, sure, “he sacrificed himself for the greater good and was sorry to die.” that is a reading that fits with the text. my own headcanon-ish take on it, or the reading that makes most sense to me in terms of quentin’s characterization across the show (which to be clear is NOT what the show wants us to think about it), setting aside whatever angle i might find most dramatically useful or interesting explore in a particular story, is somewhere between these two. i think if everett hadn’t shown up, quentin would have walked out of there alive, and when he decided to cast, some part of him felt a real deep sense of relief. i actually read the moment as emotionally pretty analogous to alice niffin-ing out — when niffin!alice says she did it on purpose, i think that’s true, but does that mean she wanted to, exactly, in all the parts of her that didn’t make it to niffinhood? i don’t know, and i don’t think alice really knows, then or ever, which is how i feel about some future quentin looking back and trying to answer for himself the question he asks penny: yes, no, both, kind of, not really, yes but just for a second, no but not strongly enough... and that kind of uncertainty about your own desires and beliefs and motivations at such a crucial juncture is itself something to process. like i said, that’s my own take on it, and the reality of it (despite the show’s protests to the contrary) is ambiguous; what’s not ambiguous is that, uh, quentin made a choice he knew would kill him, and everything we know about quentin suggests that having this information about himself would really fuck him up (and also that some dumb hot chocolate feelings chat in the underworld would not actually be enough to ease his mind on the issue). which leads me to —

3. quentin’s mental health shit, part the first - so, there’s the fact of quentin’s depression which predates the show by ages and which he has now spent four years basically ignoring while getting traumatized repeatedly, and he needs....... something regarding that. meds/therapy convo is for a lot of people the obvious Something, it’s a good Something. i don’t like to be prescriptivist about what Something is, i think a lot about leonard cohen in his 70s being like “yes it turned out that the thing i needed to finally address my lifelong depression was to go through the process of getting ordained as a buddhist monk.” maybe what quentin needs is to get ordained as a buddhist monk. i could buy that. but Something regarding his like everyday ability to be a person in the world, especially considering that he died at what could charitably be described as a low point re: that, he needs. and, also —

4. quentin’s mental health shit, part the second - he needs to process and deal with his own feelings about his fucked up brain and the things that he’s done as a result of it, because there’s the brain stuff, but then there’s also the shame and self-concept and identity issues that have developed around and with the brain stuff, you know? i mean, there is a reason i have written now two stories spanning well over a hundred thousand words in which therapy is suggested to quentin and his response is “hmm. no thanks,” and it’s because the first time we ever meet him, he is in the process of refusing further treatment against a psychiatric professional’s advice! he goes off his meds like 18 hours later and never once in the show shows any inclination of being like, “hm maybe that was a bad idea,” including when magic gets turned off and he picks up smoking as a fun summer hobby instead. we know from the mind palace that quentin’s deepest fears involve his own brain, and there’s a lot of different ways you can read the fact that the cherry on top of the nightmare sunday is the dream-revelation that his illness led him to attack his dad but IMO one of the more obvious ones is that he already thinks of his illness as something that has hurt his dad. he has some real dark feelings about his own mind.

5. quentin’s dad - quentin barely deals at all with his dad’s death before he himself dies, and like — similarly to his death, losing his father in his mid-twenties is something that would be difficult for a long long time in the least-bad situation. for quentin, i think there’s a ton of unresolved shit in the distance between them as two people who loved each other deeply, and knew the other loved him deeply, but didn’t always know how to communicate; i think there’s a lot of internalized shame around making his father’s life difficult by having the mental health problems he did that he hasn’t unpacked; i think that ahead of him there’s like, a lot of unexpressed anger about what his father couldn’t give him & a lot of guilt about that because his father did do his best and is now dead & a lot of grief about the fact that his father will never be around for quentin to heal his side of their relationship. also there’s the fact that, uh, quentin’s dad died because he chose to turn magic back on, and we know from his conversation with julia that he feels conflicted about having made that choice.

6. quentin’s experiences with the monster - almost everything that happens to quentin on the magicians is some degree of traumatizing, but being constantly tormented by an evil demigod wearing the body of your ex-boyfriend who keeps murdering people partly (after 4x05 at least) because you decided you wanted to take on the absolute inevitability of further carnage for the extremely slim chance of somehow saving your rex-boyfriend - that really takes it to the next level, and we can see that this is true in his affect, in the way quentin in season 4 just totally shuts down, in his reckless behavior and even lower instinct for self-preservation.

7. quentin’s experiences on the quest - i’ve said this before, but if you watch season 3 from the mosaic episode on with a focus on tracking quentin’s inner state, the show becomes a grim story of a guy who came face to face with his depression and never really recovered. that’s... a lot, on its own. it’s more when you consider the fact that as far as he knows, he only survived his initial encounter with the depression monster by, uh, fulfilling its darkest ideas about himself, i.e. passing on his pain to someone else (benedict) who died because quentin wasn’t strong enough to handle his shit on his own. that’s not my read of that episode, but i honestly feel like if quentin ever has 5 seconds to think about it that’s gotta be how he feels about it, right? and you can see briefly in season 3 how his anxiety starts ratcheting up about his sense of responsibility towards others on the quest once penny and benedict are both dead. and there’s also the whole thing about how the quest wants him to be cold, which as i have said 9 million times is a very sad thing for him to believe that he never gets to unlearn! all culminating in his decision to stay at blackspire, which —

8. quentin’s hero thing - of all the really baffling choices the show makes, one that i keep coming back to is how they told quite beautifully the story of quentin letting go of his desire to be a hero, culminating in handing alice the leo blade (or... whatever i’m not gonna fact check that. you know what the fuck i mean), and then they uhhhh. i don’t even know what to call it. walked it back? decided he hadn’t actually learned that in a generally applicable way? the season 2 finale is interesting because he does A Hero Thing (stabs a god with a sword), but it happens very unglamorously and feels very much like a decision born out of necessity, but then it leads to magic ending, so... i don’t know what to do with that. but his decision to stay at blackspire is... clearly quentin wanting to be a hero! like, he’s managed to step away from the idea of heroic glory, but veered over instead to heroic martyrdom, which is not really... better. and which eliot saves him from (See Below), only for him to... double down on it a season later by sacrificing his life for real. all of which is A Lot, not even getting into the fact that, like, at some point he’s gotta come up with some justification for being alive other than this, and the show strongly suggests he... hasn’t, yet.

9. yeah, like, eliot? - HOO boy. listen. the act of turning quentin down in and of itself is not morally wrong. if eliot sincerely hadn’t wanted a relationship with quentin after the mosaic, that would be his right, and his rejection doesn’t become a crime just because we know that it actually came from his own issues. i also honestly think eliot thought in the moment that he was shutting this down for the good of both of them and as kindly as he could. he was very wrong about this, but that’s my take. HOWEVER. there are a lot of reasons you can read that conversation in 4x05 as being unintentionally crafted to be particularly hurtful to quentin specifically, the biggest and most obvious one being, uh, “fifty years that were real for you were not real for me” (hurtful in any case but particularly for someone like quentin who has such a sense that one of his problems is he Cares Too Much), and my personal favorite being that the logical implication of “that’s not you,” for quentin, is “the version of yourself that learned to be content with your life as it happened to unfold is not real.” excruciating to hear those things, while also trying to figure out how to emotionally process the memories of a dead wife you never married and a son that was never born! extra excruciating to then have the person who told you “you didn’t matter enough to me to take a chance on” shoot a god because apparently you do matter enough for him to override your life choices, and then get possessed. one of my favorite moments in 4x05 is when quentin tells alice “i loved you, and you couldn’t trust that,” because it’s clearly in there to draw a parallel to the throne room scene for Writing Points, but it’s so wildly inapplicable to any of their 900 break-ups (right before blackspire SHE was the one saying “i know i don’t always seem like it but you’re the one i love”!), that the only plausible in-universe reading of it is that quentin has been stewing miserably on the eliot thing this entire time, only now he can’t even be properly mad at eliot because eliot is possessed by a demigod, so he’s just projecting onto the nearest available screen. i’m obsessed with that. it’s horrible and very sexy and Needs To Be Unpacked

10. see, like all the way down here at the bottom we get to quentin’s mom - idk, his mom is a very critical person (i don’t love using the word “critical” because it often gets used misogynistically but it is the only personality trait we really have for her) who never seems to contact or wonder about her adult son with a longterm history of mental illness, who certainly doesn’t seem to have the same skepticism his father has about the brakebills cover story that he’s studying finance, and who unlike his father is not mentioned when quentin recounts his first hospitalization. like, that can’t be great for him, right? that can’t have nothing to do with him being the way he is. for most people that would rank as a pretty major thing to process. but compared to everything else on the list? idk, man!

that’s... i mean this is not so much my thinking for fic-related reasons, this is just me lying down and trying to get out all my screaming about quentin coldwater, which i honestly feel like is still missing some things. like i kinda think he has not gotten over being an unpopular nerd for what is chronologically still most of his life??? i feel like he has some weird stuff around sex which explains why his reaction to poppy macking on him is basically “i guess this is happening now” which is not, like, an ideal relationship or lack thereof to have with your own body? he doesn’t have a single close friend who does not play a major role in his psychosexual development, and he has no male friends he’s never slept with. i couldn’t even go down the road of residual guilt over being the guy who got magic turned off and therefore in his brain probably responsible for everything that happened after that. the dude’s a mess!!!!!!!!!! i love him more than anything on this stupid earth but his mind is a fucking horrorshow!!!!!!!!!!!!

#the magicians #askbox #i slept poorly the past several nights and my brain decided it's all coming down Today #so this seemed like the right time for this lmao

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hiraemy · 4 years

Text

dear dream

“After spending half of your life with your crackhead friends, the last year of highschool finally pounds on your door. At first, you’re more than eager to finally finish school without regrets, but as the year comes to an end, you realize that you’re running out of time.”

tags: fluff, comedy, a bit of angst, 7dream assemble, highschool!au, bestfriends!au, a lot of references to HSM, Camp Rock, MCU, disney animations, and Naruto (you don't have to know all of them, those are just extras)

warnings: a lot of swearing, drinking, shitty past relationships, mentions of mental problems, implied parents issues

word count: 25,5k

10 Months Until Graduation

“I’m sad and lonely, can someone please— “

“No.” Renjun interrupts you, not even letting you finish your sentence. You pout, showing him your best puppy face and your cringiest aegyo, but he doesn’t bat an eyelash, already used with your bullshit “For fucks’ sake, what is it?”

“I need human contact. 'had a sad, depressing thought last night.” You whine, dramatically leaning your head on his shoulder and making a scene. Renjun doesn’t waste a second before pushing you off him, and you just sulk around for the sake of drama. "I'm going to die as a single cat-lady"

“And? I like being single, and I also like cats, so I don't see the problem here” Jeno pops his tongue out, trying really hard to open the kimchi jar his mom packed for him. You blink twice at that, but you decide to not question why the fuck Jeno has a big jar of kimchi to eat at 9 fucking am, preferring to focus on your issue. "There's more important things to think than getting laid. Exams and Basketball, for example,"

"I disagree, but do your best" Donghyuck mocks him, fake saluting as he takes a bite of meat in his mouth.

"I don't see why you're making a scene" Renjun groans, also taking the time between bites of food to voice his opinion "It's just high school. You'll have an awfully long time to find your destined one later on life. They say that high school relationships never last long anyway,"

“First of all, fuck you Renjun,” You narrow your eyes at him, the male snickering amusedly at you, making you roll your eyes. “C’mon, guys. It’s senior year, there’s prom! I just realized no guy in this school will have the guts to invite me because of my fuckin’ ex and all of you"

"Why are you blaming us?" Jaemin asks, quite bewildered. You shrug at him.

"Dunno. Why don't you tell me? I don't understand how the male species work!" You roll your eyes, poking your vegetables with your chopsticks, but not making any move to take them to your mouth. "Just heard some guys in the tennis club sayin' that the expectation bar was too high because I hang out with you. It doesn't even make sense, what the fuck?!"

"I still don't see how your love life problems involves us—" Renjun chips, drinking his juice.

"You guys do know that you have to invite someone, right?” You wriggle your eyebrows at them, grinning like a mad woman.

“Not going to invite you.” Hyuck immediately deadpans and you roll your eyes at him

“Ew! Are you insane? I’m not going with you— That’s, like, incest!” You pretend to vomit, scrunching your face. "I'm not asking any of you to invite me. I'm just saying that, if I don't get a date to prom, I'm going to concentrate all of my efforts on getting y'all a date!"

"Ten bucks says you'll forget about this plan in less than two months" Jisung raises his eyebrows and you gasp dramatically at him

"I'll give her five weeks" Chenle grins and you also give him your best betrayal look. “Well, Jisung and I are going together anyway, since we're not actually seniors—” Chenle announces, exchanging looks with the younger one and crossing their arms in the most bro-way possible. "By the way, how are we going to sneak in?"

You try to ignore them for the sake of your sanity and you narrow your eyes at the rest of the group, half-expecting them to say something.

“Chill, we have more than half of the year to get a pair.” Mark says with his mouth full of watermelon, making you crunch your face in disgust at him.

“Why are you so obsessed with prom anyways? It's not, let's say, mandatory to every girl to have someone to escort them to the party. It won't be a big deal if you go alone” Jaemin shrugs and you glare at him

"It's not about having a date to prom. The point is, we're graduating! We have to make it special, right? A night to remember, the night of all nights and everything! We're ending highschool—"

“If we pass, which is not easy as you sound—” Mark shivers, but you ignore him for sake of your speech

"...and we have to make it special! So, I'm getting y'all dates to prom!"

“Can I quit?”

“Shut up Injunnie. And no, you can’t”

9 Months Until Graduation

It’s a sunny, tiring day. You’d gone through two tests today, one in chemistry and another in physics, and you were sure you’d failed both of them. You and the rest of the squad go to a nearby coffee shop, your mind still working non-stop in a foolproof plan for setting up your friends with someone, lowkey feeling bitter about Chenle, who was right saying you were almost giving up in less than five weeks.

You realized too late that your friends were hopeless when it came to their love lives. You tried playing cupid, but no one was successful, except for Donghyuck, who had a notorious reputation of being a fuckboy. Jisung was too shy to even talk to the girl. Chenle had absolutely no chill, treating the girl in a bro way. Jaemin was lowkey rumored to be gay because of the way he interacted with Jeno, and those rumors made no one take you seriously when you asked to go on a date with him. Jeno’s love was clearly limited to his three cats, Bongshik, Seol and Lal. Renjun didn’t even try.

So, in summary, Mark was your last hope.

"Go ahead, she’s single" You said, pointing to a pretty girl that was in the waiting line for her iced tea. Mark awkwardly stood up from your table, moving almost like a robot to talk to her.

“So… Sooyoung, right?” His face is a mix of embarrassment, cringiness and fake confidence as he leans on the wall awkwardly, trying for the cool guy image but doing poorly on it. The girl is confused and takes a few steps back, slightly creeped out.

“Hmnn, no? I’m actually Soyeon, but nice try, I guess...”

Donghyuck had his fist stuffed into his mouth trying to conceal his snorts. Jeno and Renjun had curled into themselves, heads buried in their arms, hiding behind the backs of two unsuspecting girls on the table ahead of them. Jaemin was smiling openly, whispering new ideas, while you try to suppress a giggle behind your hand. Chenle’s rich ass is recording everything in his iPhone 11 Pro Max with 512GB, making sure he captures everything in the highest quality possible— even if all of you know it will be blurry in the end, because he keeps giggling and his hand is shaking— and Jisung is half amused, half cringing at all the judging stares they’re receiving from everyone else in the store.

“Oh, yeah, right, Soyeon, totally knew that, hahah!” Mark’s glare turns back to your table and sends a middle finger behind his back, and everyone loses their mind. He messes with his hair, trying really hard to not cringe as he speaks the next sentence. “So... I’velostmyphonenumbercanIhaveyours— ”

“What?” Soyeon frowns and Mark turns so red that Jeno chokes on his own saliva and Donghyuck has to muffle his laughter on his hoodie. Renjun pokes you and points towards his phone, who has Jaemin’s contact on it. The other boy is messing with his settings, changing his ring tone and putting on the loudest volume possible. He gives Renjun a thumbs up, exchanging a smirk with him.

“I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours instead?” The poor boy manages to say, regretting all of his life choices. In that exact moment, Renjun presses the call button,

“Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy~ But here’s my number— ”

Call Me Maybe blasts off as Jaemin’s ringtone making everyone crack up, even Soyeon, who seems to understand the situation in the moment your squad— aka, mainly you, Donghyuck, Chenle and Renjun, — falls to the ground howling. She glances at your group and gives a peace sign to Chenle's camera(that now was in Jisung's hold), amused as fuck. She gives Mark a pity pat on the back and leaves him behind with slumped shoulders.

“I hate y’all” He says as he comes back to your table, sitting next to you and burying his head between his arms. You give him a pat on the head, smiling slightly.

“Well, at least that was funny” You tease, sipping on your iced cappuccino. “Never thought I would see someone being more awkward than Jisungie when it comes to speaking with girls, what the fuck”

“Sooyoung, right?” Renjun mocks, not bothering to hide his cackles. Jaemin mimics a disgusted expression, putting his hand on his chest

“My name is Soyeon! How dare you?!” He overreacts, slapping Renjun’s shoulder sassily. You laugh as Mark’s nose scrunches painfully

“It’s not my fault!” Mark whines, cheeks red. You sigh, shaking your head. Again, your friends were hopeless after all.

“I give up,” You admit bitterly, pouting when Chenle smirks. He extends his hands to both you and Jisung, wriggling his fingers quite cocklily. Both of you groan as you give him a ten dollars bill each.

8 Months Until Graduation

You don’t know how the fuck things turned out this way. At first glance, it was one of those days where you’d think that nothing could go wrong— and that’s exactly when everything went to shit.

You were okay until now, it had been a long time since one of your ex-friends wasted their time spreading rumors about you. But today, at least half of the entire school was somehow convinced that you were some kind of child problem who raided innocent convenience stores?

Donghyuck was also in deep shit. He had this fling going on with some girl you didn’t know personally, and he was really interested in making things serious with her, something that wasn’t very common to happen in his fuckboy life. Then, karma came kicking his butt, the girl saying she didn‘t want to have any serious relationship right now.

Jisung was lowkey in one of his bad days, when he’d let mean comments get into him. This time, he was feeling bad about the boys in his and Chenle’s class, the assholes ones. In general, Jisung was a shy kid, so the other kids took that as an advantage to make fun of him behind his back, and today, they messed with his lunch box when he wasn’t looking.

You don’t know who suggested it, but at the end of the day, all eight of you were buried under the blankets in your house. You pushed the sofas to the wall, leaving enough space between the couches and tv to lay down mattresses in the floor. Chenle bought enough snacks for all of you, including McDonalds fries for Jisung, and Haribo gummy bears for you.

Avengers Endgame was playing on the big screen, a classic that you’d watched and cried a million times before, being a great fan of the MCU and the greatest Iron Man agenda between your friends, who were all Captain America supporters, except for Donghyuck, who was your only ally in this war.

Talking about Donghyuck, the boy was feeling especially cuddly tonight. He convinced Renjun to lay down on the couch with him, but both of them were fighting constantly to see who was going to be the big spoon (Renjun won). Jisung and Chenle were sitting down on the mattress, with their backs also on the couch, taking their sweet time with the food Chenle had bought. They weren’t paying that much attention to the movie, but rather, making fun of Renjun and Donghyuck arguing. Jaemin and Jeno took over another couch, and the pink haired boy had his legs all spread over Jeno’s lap without a care in the world. Jeno didn’t seem to mind that, tapping rhythmically on Jaemin’s knee while paying attention to the movie. You and Mark were laying on the mattress, at some point, you had asked him to cuddle as you were lowkey feeling needy for human contact.

Welp, no one can be a cold hearted bitch for too long, you thought amusedly.

The mess of limbs was strangely comforting. You had your back pressed against his chest, his arms wrapping around you firmly, keeping you close enough for you to feel his muscles moving when he took a deep breath. For a moment you wondered if his arm that was under you didn’t feel numb because of your weight, but you didn’t ask, as Mark never voiced a complaint about that.

"Y'know, I lowkey feel like you're the Black Widow of our group," Mark whispers as the camera zooms on the red haired woman's worn out state in the Vormir planet. You blink slowly, confused, turning your entire body to face him, adjusting your position, so now you can snuggle into his warmth, your hands slowly finding a good spot to rest in his back.

"But she’s the one that dies in the end? Are you implying that I’m gonna die?" You tease, smiling at how Mark quickly becomes flustered.

"That’s not what I meant!" He whines, playfully pinching a bit of your skin. "It's just that you share a lot of things. Like, she dies for the sake of her family—"

"Yeah, she still dies. Am I supposed to be flattered by that?"

"Oh god, shut up and let me finish" He groans, the muscles on his neck moving with the deep sound he lets out of his throat. You try to not focus too much on that, concentrated at how his face muscles move at each unique expression he makes. "Natasha is one hell of a woman, no one can deny that. She's strong and badass, and sometimes, her humor actually reminds me of you? The part when she dies, she is sacrificing herself for the soul stone and for all of her friends-slash-family, because she wants all of them back, even if she doesn't know if the plan is going to work out in the end"

"Hmm, that's true" You hum in agreement, raising your eyebrow questiongly. "But I still don't get how you think we look alike. Except for being the only female in a group full of testosterone, of course,"

"You're pretty, strong and badass." Mark says, as if stating the obvious. You feel your heart beating faster, being your turn to feel flustered with his straightforwardness. "And I think you would be a team player too, the type of person to go to that extent to save everyone else, to put a hundred percent of faith in your family just like that"

"Wow," You chuckle nervously, looking away for a moment to recover your posture. You fake a cough on your fist, staring at the screen— That’s the exact scene where Natasha's sacrifice happens, the beautiful scenario and its color palette stunning you for a single second. Then, you remember that you’re still talking to Mark in hushed whispers to not annoy anyone else, and he half-expected you to continue the debate. "Hmmm, If I’m Natasha Romanoff, I guess you would be Peter Parker, then?"

"Why?" His eyes shine with curiosity at your words, and you can't help but to feel lured in his gaze, almost as if he was some time of magnet you couldn’t take your eyes off.

"You're almost the real life version of him," You let out a tiny chuckle, impressed with your own analogy. "You're both nerds, awkward as fuck, but still a sweet and pretty good looking bastard— Like, how the hell can you get the best of the two worlds? Being handsome and smart at the same time, that's like, cheating, but in real life" You complain pettily, pretending to be upset just for the sake of drama.

Mark smiles, and you’re shy enough to let the topic die just like that. You turn around again, thanking the gods that the room was dark, so no one could see the color difference in your heated cheeks. His hands never leave your waist, and you feel safer than ever in his arms.

"Are the babies asleep?" Jaemin asks after the post credits scene finishes, the black screen of the tv staring back at them.

"Chenle and Jisung passed out before the Battle of Earth, pussies" Renjun teases, taking the opportunity to jab freely at the unsuspecting boys. He looks at you and Mark, both of you in deep slumber in each other's arms. "Awww, how cute. I'm going to puke, but it's worth it"

"Indeed" Jeno nods, smirking at your peaceful expression. Mark moves around his head and groans, making the four awake boys tense up, afraid of the older waking up. He mutters something incomprehensible under his breath, but quickly settles in burying his nose on your hair, making everyone let out relieved sighs.

"Well, now that the babies are all asleep, it's time for us to watch some real grown man stuff" Donghyuck states, taking the tv remote on his hand.

"Are we going to watch Frozen or Tangled?"

"Tangled, what type of guy do you think I am?"

7 Months Until Graduation

“I’m going to die!” Donghyuck cries dramatically, shaking you by your shoulders and you just let him do whatever he wants, your head bouncing to every direction possible without resistance, soul almost dead at this point. “I’m going to be crushed— Oh dear lord, please, save me from being stomped by giants on court—”

“Oh shut the fuck up, no one has ever died playing basketball” Renjun sasses him. Renjun would never admit, not even on his deathbed, but he was also scared shitless of the players of Busan High.

He was pretty sure he had a clear reason to be intimidated, after all. One of the players was almost 2m, and at least four of their team had over 185cm. As if that wasn’t enough, they were built like titans, not resembling high schoolers at slightest.

“Is this fucking anime?” You couldn’t help but hiss, making people laugh at the bitter tone you had. While Busan’s players were all damn trees, Jeno, Donghyuck and Chenle were at the average height for teenagers— something between 170 and 175. The only member on their team that was above 180 was Yukhei and some another freshman that was almost 190 or something, but that freshman wasn't exactly on the good side of the ability spectrum, so he was pretty useless.

“Think positive” Everyone turned to Mark, waiting for him to finish his sentence. He scrunched his nose and seemed to think hard, trying to come up with an excuse “If everything goes to shit, you can sub Renjun in. A great strategy if you were to ask me, because they won’t notice him running between their long ass legs!” He grins proudly at the reactions, being successful at helping their friends to relax before the game. His bliss barely lasted three seconds before Renjun had him in a chokehold, making everyone burst out laughing again.

“Being serious, now,” Jeno’s face morphed to an early defeat with a heavy sigh “I doubt we’ll be able to do something against them. Height is a big advantage in basket. They also say that Busan are the favourites to win the championship, so we're in deep shit”

The changing room was in a tense silence at his words, everyone silently agreeing with him and not quite knowing what to say as comfort.

"You could say this is a championshit— Ah, Park Jisung, why did you hit me?!"

"That was absolutely horrible, even for you" The younger one grimaces, while Chenle rubs his shoulder, the grin on his face unwavering despite the disapproval of the pun. You were in deep thought, until you suddenly gasp and clap your hands, expression lighting up as having a great idea.

“Let’s dye our hair!”

“Suddenly?” Donghyuck raises his eyebrows, but you just smile at him

“No, no! I’m being serious!” You say proudly, closed fist hitting your open palm “Let’s make a bet! If you guys win, I’ll let you do whatever you want with my hair— dye it the most ridiculous color to ever exist, make me bald or shave one of the sides— you can choose, I don't really care!”

"You already want to do it, there is no point in betting on that" Renjun deadpans. You prompily ignore him.

“Actually, I think that’s a good idea—”

“Great! Jaemin will also do it with me!”

“What?! I never said anything—” He protests indignantly. You give him a smug peace sign

“Ya, hyung is screwed~!”

“Oh, am I hearing right? Our Jisungie will also do it for the sake of the team? What a cutie!” You tease him in aegyo, making it extremely cringy as your fingertips poke him from the sides.

“Cutie? Ha, never in a million years—”

“Ah, Injunnie, no need to be shy! We all know you also want to do this~!”

“Ah, shit—”

Before you could trap Mark into dying his hair, the manager from the basket team came into the room searching for the three missing players. Donghyuck, Chenle and Jeno stood up from the bench and were about to leave, before Mark called up to them, silently pleading with the girl to give him more time. She sighs heavily and nods, lifting three fingers to wordlessly say that you had three minutes.

“Hey, come here for a second~” He said cheekly, forcing everyone to form a circle and join hands in the middle “Let’s cheer up, will ya? Nothing is lost until the very end as long you have hope. You guys can win, believe it"

"Is this Naruto or something?" You joke, raising your eyebrow and high pitching your voice "I'm gOiNg tO bE hOkaGe, BeLieVe it!" The boys laugh at your impersonation as you made a hand sign for the sake of anime weeb antics

“Stop that, I’m being serious!” Mark whines, nudging you slightly on the shoulder.

“Hyung, are you daydreaming?” Chenle deadpans and everyone bursts into laughs again

“Maybe? Dreaming or not, I still believe in you—” He sighs in defeat "...dattebayo."

“That’s cheesy” Donghyuck teases, his face reveals how touched he actually is.

“That’s cringy as hell, but lowkey heartwarming. How the fuck?” Jeno is exasperated. “Fuck it. Our dear Lee Markie took the precious time of day to bless us with this amazing and inspiring Naruto speech, so, daydreaming or not, let's win this shit, dattebayo!” Jeno laughs with his whole chest and we all cheer.

"By the way, if we actually win, you're going bald" Donghyuck nudges you, making you whine dramatically. “A bet is a bet. No backing down, pussy”

“Ha, as if!”

"Hm— Three minutes are up, can you please, wrap this up?" You tilt your head to see the manager, awkwardly standing on the door. She seems uncomfortable interrupting your group moment, so you take pity on her and gather everyone’s attention on you again.

"Alright~ Let's do a cheer" You say you stand up, closing your fist and motioning to everyone to form a circle. "What are we going to say? Team 7? Konoha Ninjas? Ninja Alliance? Or maybe we can do something like Wildcats? Like, from High School Musical—"

"Hell no!" They groan and you giggle satisfied with their reactions. Chenle mutters his suggestion quite hesitantly "Well, if we're aiming to win, let's do this properly. So, how about Dream? Because we're being highly illusional, or whatever—"

"I like that" Jeno encourages him, putting his arm around Chenle's shoulders reassuringly. He sends a look to Mark, eyes turning into crescent moons “Hyung, you can do the honors~”

“Alright, let's wreck this shit. Yo, Dream!”

“Jjeoreo! Juja! Fighting!”

“Am I allowed to reference High School Musical 3 now?” You ask no one in particular, although Mark, Jisung and Renjun all let out a groan at your antics. Jaemin just chuckles, amused. "This is just too perfect to let it pass without any references. Senior year, tense basketball game and everything. We just need someone to dramatically shout some encouragement out of nowhere"

"Are you going to suddenly sing Now or Never?" Jaemin teases, but he instantly regrets when he sees the look on your eyes. "Wait, shit, don't do that!"

"Why? It's a great idea!" You whine, smiling. Your voice is drowned by the screams and cheers, but you still hum to yourself as you watch the fast-speed plays in court “This is the last time to get it right, this is the last time to make it all night—”

“First of all, you got it wrong. It’s this is the last time to make it or not, not all night. If you’re going to sing this shit, at least do it right” Jaemin scolds lightheartedly and you pout at him, sticking your tongue childishly

“Whatever— Oh, NICEEEE CHENLE!" You suddenly scream at the top of your lungs, also hearing the boys screaming excitedly with his successful basket. After that, Jeno made an awesome steal that made the crowd roar again, passing it to Hyuck, who scored a 3-pointer. Everything was great until Chenle was knocked back harshly by the 2 meters guy, falling on his back into the ground.

You swore loudly, worry consuming you, but Chenle was okay. He got up with Yukhei offering him his hand and the referee gave the team two free throws, which were the points you needed to tie with Busan High.

"Quick, Jisung, you have to stand up and shout Troooooooy!” You nudge his side, teasing him now that you were reassured that Chenle was fine. Jisung looks at you startled, caught off guard. "C'mon, think of that as public demonstration of love for your bestest friend in the entire world—"

"No way" He shook his head, cheeks burning. You chuckle, deciding to take that task for yourself.

“Chenleeee!” You scream in a singing tone, making everyone around you turn their heads. You see the boy squeezing his eyes through the benchers, trying to find where that came from, until he found you and let out a snort of amusement. You’re satisfied when he gives you a thumbs up, even more when Renjun hides his face behind Mark’s back, extremely ashamed of being friends with you.

Even if you made your friends want to lowkey kill you on the spot, you still sang loudly Gabriella’s part everytime Jeno, Chenle or Donghyuck got a free throw in game, which gladly weren't that much. It didn’t matter if your friends had second-hand embarrassment, because in the end, everyone else was extremely amused for your antics. Also, they crushed the Busan team. 106 - 94.

Ps: you were almost sure the school’s cheerleaders also sang with you a few times, chanting WILDCATS as a joke, but Renjun refuses to believe in you.

6 Months Until Graduation

“We’re really doing this, huh” Jisung cringed at the volume of bleach sitting on the pot, sniffing it and scrunching his nose at the horrible scent. “Hey, Chenle, smell this”

“Why— OH GOD! Park Jisung what is that—”

“I didn’t think you would keep the bet, if I’m being honest” Jeno admitted and you just laughed, taking the coloured dyes out of their boxes

“Nah~ This was a win-win situation for me. I always wanted to dye my hair, and now I have an excuse to do it without anyone coming for my ass!” You say smugly, smirking satisfied as you put all the bottles on the table.

“By the way, where are your parents?” Mark worries and you try very hard to not grimace, heading into the bathroom to properly prepare the dyes and hiding your expression from view for a few seconds. Your eyes are fully concentrated on the task, so you don’t notice that Mark can see your expression by the mirror.

“They’re out, again. Some meeting in Kyoto or something— I don’t know. But we have the house to ourselves, so it’s okay.” You say it nonchalantly, even if it’s fairly obvious that you actually care about not having your parents here. Before Mark or Jeno can say anything about it, you give them a big smile, passing by them and returning to your bedroom, where everyone is messing around “The bleach is ready! Who wants to go first?”

“Me!” Chenle shouts, jumping in a plastic chair you placed in the middle of the room, with a journal already covering the floor and a towel on his shoulders. You smile tenderly at him, running your gloved hands through his hair and imagining yourself washing his scalp— except for the fact that you had bleach, not shampoo on your hands. You were really counting on the youtube tutorials for this one

“I bought every single color I could find on the shop” You giggle, trying really hard to not forget any step, but also paying attention to Renjun and Donghyuck bickering to decide what game they were going to play on your tv. “What color do you want, Lele?”

“Injun-ah, we’re all tired of playing Overwatch~ Let’s play Just Dance for once~!”

“Are you out of your mind? How can we put that if you all will dye your hair—! The dye will just fly around!”

“Green” Chenle replies with a shit eating grin, ignoring all the noise that the duo were producing “They say, go big or go home, right?”

“Well, technically, we’re in my home already, so—”

“You know what I meant!” You snicker at him, smiling like a proud parent for some random reason.

“I’m going for pink!” Jaemin decides all of sudden, taking the pink bottle in his hand and messing with it. You gasp dramatically and hit his hand, forgetting that you have bleach on your gloves and making a small splash on his skin

“No, no, crap, you’ll drop it—!” You scold him, scarred for life, and you take the open bottle from his hands, seeing that the few seconds were enough to make a big pink stain on Jaemin’s hands. You sigh like a tired mother

“I know I don’t need to, but now I also want to dye my hair!” Donghyuck pouts, eyeing the bleach on Chenle’s hair as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world. Chenle sends the older boy finger guns, winking smugly.

“Do we have enough bleach for extras?” Jeno asks and you nod, already wrapping aluminum paper on Chenle “This is dumb, and I’m propably going to regret it tomorrow— but screw it, I want blonde.”

“Okay, okay.” You agree, internally screaming, because your hands were going to suffer bleaching everyone’s hair, including yours. “Mark, put something on your phone?”

“What kind of vibe do you want?” He asks in return. You hum, distracted by the sounds of Call of Duty on the tv, the controller in Renjun and Jaemin’s hands.

“Dunno. Your call,” Is your response. Since you’re not facing him, you don’t see Mark sending you a shit eating grin before he decides on a playlist.

It’s not long before We’re All In This Together is blasting on your room, the most iconic and cheesy song possible, and you can’t say that you hate it. As Jisung and Donghyuck try to remember the original choreo, accidentally slapping each other in the process, the rest of you scream the lyrics on the top of your lungs, and for a moment, it seems like the world’s problems don't exist inside of your house.

For once in a long time, your house finally feels like home.

(Chenle and Jisung decide later to try to make a cover of Breaking Free— Jisung as Gabriella, of course, and the charming Chenle Bolton with aluminum paper on his hair. It went viral on your Instagram, thanks, Chenji!)

5 Months Until Graduation

“Would you rather have no ears or no fingers?”

“Totally no ears!” Jaemin giggles, his fingers itching in the air and pinching Jeno’s cheeks with affection “If I didn’t have my fingers~~~I! Wouldn’t! Do! This!”

You choke on your spit, laughing your ass off at the state of Jaemin, his messy pink hair shining a different tone with every light of the party. He was long ago drunk and you and Jeno had to take care of him while everyone else wandered around some random guy’s party. Jung Taehyun? Jeon Taeyeon? You didn’t know exactly his name, but you knew that he was an older friend of Mark.

“Nono~~ y/n~~ You guys know I love you~~ right?” Jaemin whined, giving up on standing still and plopping down on top of Jeno. The sober male sighed and gave a few pats on Jaemin’s back, already tired. You couldn’t stop your laughter and he flipped you off, continuing to sip your drink giddily. You were careful to not be completely drunk, tho.

“Wait a second, it’s that Renjun?” Jeno asks, pointing to a spot far from you three. You squint your eyes and you confirm that yes, it was Huang Renjunnie making out with some girl you didn’t recognise in the middle of the dance floor.

“Junnie? Whaaaat. Where? I can’t see himmmm~”

“Holy fucking shit” You grin like a madwoman, ignoring Jaemin’s frustrated whines and you cup your hands around your mouth “Yo! Renjunnie! Let's! Get! It!” You scream, even if you know no one will hear you because of the heavy bass. You laugh and take a sip of your drink, extremely amused with yourself.

“I’m going to puke…” Jaemin chokes out and you blink in alarm. Jeno sighs and puts Jaemin’s arms around his shoulders, supporting almost all of his weight and standing from the bar with a bit of difficulty.

“I think it’s time to go home, Jaemin-ah” He states, already moving. You follow both of them, catching Jaemin’s phone that he almost forgot behind and putting it in your jeans’ pocket.

“No! But I’m having fun here~~ I don’t want to go home” He whines, pouting, and you chuckle at his aegyo, making funny faces at the back of his head just for the fun of it

“Chenle and Jisung texted me, they already went home” You speak, cringing at the brightness of your phone when you unlock it. “Mark and Hyuck said before that they were going to crash somewhere, I just don’t remember where. And Renjunnie is having fun~ Not going to interrupt that!”

“Just text him. He’s sober, so it won’t be a problem” Jeno says and you agree “Jaemin, do you think you can hold it for a while? The puke, I mean,”

“Maybe. Maybe yes, maybe no—” Jaemin almost crashes with a random stranger, and you cringe, saying sorry before rushing both of them to the exit

“Very helpful” Jeno deadpans and Jaemin chuckles dreamily. You smile and open your mouth to say something, just to be suddenly startled by a hand on your shoulder

“y/n? Is that you?” You freeze at the voice, grin vanishing off your face. You turn around with a blank expression to meet Hyunjin, his eyes glinting with so much hope that your heart was crushed in a single second.

Jeno notices that you’ve stopped moving, turning around and grimacing at the sight of the other boy. All of the previous cheerfulness disappears from his face in milliseconds, and you can’t say that you don’t share the sentiment.

“Wow— You look really good tonight” Hyunjin says, eyeing your exposed legs, and you roll your eyes, suppressing the urge to slap his beautiful face

“Yeah, I know” You fire back sassily, glaring at him and trying really hard to not let your real emotions show on your expression. Your chest squeezes painfully at the sight of your ex-boyfriend, and all you want to do at this moment is to cry and shout all your pent-up frustrations at him, but your voice is lost somewhere deep in your throat.

“Blue hair looks good on you” Hyunjin compliments after a few awkward seconds of silence, not even intimidated by Jeno’s glare and your clear discomfort, never ceasing eye-contact. His hand comes closer and cups a lock of your hair, admiring the blue, almost purple shade, and you falter slightly as he pushes it behind your ear.

Deep down, you hope that Hyunjin can see what he has done to you. You hope that he can see the mix of anger, betrayal, heartbreak, disappointment and pain in your eyes. You hope that he knows every seed self-doubt he has planted in your chest since the two of you broke up last year, and that he feels guilty for every painful word thrown on you.

But you also hope for things that you know aren’t right. You search in his dark eyes for something— anything that could convince yourself he still loved you, that he knew what went wrong last time. Even if you passed half of last year crying and moping around the corridors, forcing your friends to give a long pep talk to assure your self-worth every two weeks, ten seconds of eye contact with your ex were enough to break down long eight months of healing, resurfacing old wounds in your heart.

“Y/n, let’s go” Jeno calls you, breaking the magic between you and Hyunjin. You sigh, reality crashing on you like a heavy, unforgivable truck. You push his hand away quite harshly and bite your lips, already feeling the familiar burn of tears in the back of your eyes.

“Yeah, right. Sorry.” You mumble under your breath, not sparing Hyunjin a second glance and turning around to the exit, following Jeno with a heavy heart.

You find a sealed can of beer on top of a coffee table and you scoff, taking it without second thoughts.

“Fuck, I’m not drunk enough to deal with this shit”

You open the backdoor of Jeno’s car and you help him set Jaemin in the backseat, both of you ignoring the pink haired boy’s drunk whines and protests as you let him lay down with his head on your lap. You also ignore the lightheadedness caused by the alcohol that you consumed and the worried glances Jeno throws you every fifteen seconds. You know that he has good intentions, but you can’t help but to feel overwhelmed with everything— it’s not like you were going to break down any second now!

Okay, forget it. You don’t know if you can hold your tears until you arrive at home.

“Jaem, is auntie at home?” You ask, stroking the pink strands softly. He groans, burying his face on your belly

“Nooo… Don’t take me home… Mom will kill meeeee! She said last time that… if she catches me drunk again, she’s gonna...” He whines and closes his eyes. You wait for him to continue speaking, but it takes a few seconds for you to notice that Jaemin had fallen asleep on your lap.

“Can Jaemin crash into your house for tonight?” Jeno asks, looking at both of you through the mirror. You know that he is hesitant about bringing Jaemin to his own house because his parents are quite strict with drinking.

“Yeah, but I don’t know if I can carry him” You say without making eye contact, looking at the world outside the window. Your fingers make loops in Jaemin’s hair, almost like a nervous tick to ground you in reality.

“Don’t worry about that, I’m helping you” He states, eyes focused on the road. You don’t notice his eyes looking at you every once in a while checking your facial expression, as your mind keeps backtracking to Hyunjin and your past relationship, along with all the hurtful words both of you exchanged when it ended.

Jeno lets out a sigh, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel and forcing himself to stop looking.

“No one is looking. You can cry now.”

4 Months Until Graduation

“y/n, the smartest and beautifulest person I have ever met—” Donghyuck speeds down the corridor, tacking you and grabbing your shoulders as if there is no tomorrow

“...what did you do?” You deadpan, not taking any of his bullshit. The boy straightens up and moves his neck to search something in the crowd of students that are in the corridor, sweating bullets

“You know Kang Mina, right? Pretty, cute, same biology class as you—”

“And Mark’s crush since middle school?” You add, raising an eyebrow and not really caring for the skinship, since it was usual between you and Hyuck.

“Yes, that one!” He whisper-shouts. “I heard from Seulgi, who heard from Joohyun, who was in the bathroom when Eunwoo and Nayeon were talking about Sejeong, who said—”

“What—”

“Kang Mina is going to confess to me!” You blink, trying to process the information.

“ ‘the fu— Wait, I thought Mina liked Mark back?” You’re open mouthed, the surprise showing clearly on your eyes. Hyuck nods, wanting to pull his hair off his scalp “Did you tell Mark?”

“No! What do you think I am?” He is almost offended, but you just shrug it off. “I don’t know what to do! I didn’t do anything, but Mark will kill me and—”

“Just dump her nicely, it’s not that hard” Donghyuck whines and shakes you again, making you dizzy

“But I don’t want her to confess!” He argues, saying as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “If she confesses, everyone will hear about the rumors— so, the solution it’s quite simple! If we can stop her before she finds me, we can—” Hyuck pauses, his eyes widening and seeing something above your head. “Oh my fucking god, Mina’s coming in this direction!”

“Ah, Donghyuck, can I talk to you—” You hear her voice, a bit far, and you sigh as you feel a pair of eyes burning on your back. She’s pretty and a really good person in general, but you can’t help but pity her in this moment.

“Put your hands on my waist.” You whisper quickly under your breath and he nods.

You raise yourself on your toe tips and catch Hyuck’s cheeks on your hands, trying to not cringe outwardly. You place a peck almost on the corner of his mouth, hearing a shocked gasp behind you, and you know that your plan worked. Based on the angle Mina was, she probably thought you were kissing him on the lips.

You’re quick to distance your body from his, disentangling your shoulders from his grasp and you sigh, lowkey feeling bad for the other girl.

“Is she gone?” Just for the sake of the drama, you pretend to clean your lips from all traces of Hyuck, sticking your tongue out “Disgusting— Really, I thought I was kissing my grandma, what the fuck—”

“C’mon, I don’t kiss that badly~” Donghyuck whines and you narrow your eyes at him, noticing a bit of your lipstick on his face.

“Shut up!” You made a move to slap him on the shoulder, but he barely moves out of the way, making you huff. “You’re owing me lunch”

“WHAT? But you’re loaded! Why do I have to pay~?”

“Jesus fucking christ—” Renjun plops down on your usual lunch table, dumping his bag on the bench without ceremony.

“Injunnie, you’re not even christian” Donghyuck snickers, not bothering to swallow before talking. You make a face at that, but you don’t comment on his horrible manners

“Fuck that too. Why the hell is everyone saying that you two kissed in the corridors? And Mina’s name is on the rumors too, but I don’t get how the hell is she involved?” Hyuck chokes at Renjun’s words and you chuckle, deciding just to sip your tea peacefully and watch the drama unfold.

“Well, you see—” In that moment, Mark arrives, a puzzled and slightly annoyed expression on his face. Donghyuck panics even more at the sight of the older male, already planning his testament on his mind. You guess Mark heard what happened too.

“So, you two a thing now?” The canadian boy raises his eyebrow and you double over, fake puking with the absurdity of his suggestion.

“Oh god, please no. I may be single since last year, but I still have standards!” You whine, putting your hands on your chest feigning hurt. You notice Mark’s face changing and he’s not annoyed anymore, just confused. You don’t even know what caused that— It was almost as if he was relieved...?

“So why is everyone saying that you’re together?”

“That’s what I was asking too,” Renjun adds. You and Donghyuck exchange glances, and you shrug it off, silently saying that he should settle this mess on his own.

“Uh— I just needed help to solve something”

“Hi, I’m something~” You can’t help but tease, laughing obnoxiously loud. Hyuck shoves you slightly, but you don’t stop cackling “Relax, we didn’t kiss. I just took one for the team and did a self-sacrifice of my public reputation— By the way I’m a great actress, aint I?”

“No one thinks that,” Renjun deadpans and you pout. “Why the trouble, tho?” Hyuck sighs and you focus on him on the corner of your eye, wondering what he was going to say

“I’m sorry, bro” He decides to be fully honest with the oldest, who is confused as fuck. “Mina likes me and was going to confess. I panicked.”

Renjun is just surprised as you were when you first heard that. You carefully observe Mark’s reaction, expecting him to be angry or hurt, but he isn’t. He has an unreadable expression and just shrugs, shaking his head.

“Ah. It’s okay, I already knew.” You’re dumbfounded, eyes wide and mouth wide open. The other two have similar reactions to yours, and Mark chuckles at that. “I found out last year. Not gonna lie, it hurt like a bitch— But it’s okay now, I moved on”

“Wow.” Hyuck looks half surprised, half pissed. “So all of the suffering I passed just to make sure you wouldn’t be mad was useless?”

“Yes?” You chuckle, amused. Donghyuck lets out a groan, dramatically falling on the table and Renjun smirks

“You’re a dumbass.” He snorts, making Hyuck whine. You cross eyes with Mark for a millisecond and you send him a smile, which is returned immediately.

“It’s not my fault that Mark fucking Lee doesn’t tell me things!” He cries out, sniffling. “Everything would be a lot easier if I didn’t have to run away from Kang Mina for the entire fucking day!”

“Well, in my defense, my pride was really hurt—” The canadian tries to defend himself, scowling

“In your defense, I think you should shut up or I swear to god I’m gonna fucking kill you—”

3 Months Until Graduation

It’s 11:27pm. You should be asleep at this time— or at least, ready to go to bed, but you don’t think you can sleep any time soon. Your gaze is fixed on the ceiling of the bedroom when you hear your phone ringing under your pillow. You stretch your hand blindly under the covers until you find it, not checking the caller before accepting it.

“Noona?” Jisung’s voice breaks the quiet of your house, and you’re immediately alarmed by his tone. It’s almost as if he’s tired, throat hoarse after crying for a long time. You know that tone very well.

“Hi…” You trail off softly, not knowing what to say. You hear a sniff form the other side, making your worry increase ten times.

“Can I come over? ...please?” He asks and you’re already out of your bed, the socks on your feet protecting the skin from the cold floor as you soflty agree.

Exactly seven minutes and forty three seconds after, Jisung arrives at your home. You furrow your eyebrows as you take in his light clothes and the cold weather outside. His nose is red and his eyes are puffy, the usually neat hair reduced to a bird nest.

“What happened?” You urge him in, catching a fluffy blanket from the sofa to throw on his shoulders and forcing him to sit on your couch. “Where is your car? Where were you? Your house is too far to come here on foot, Jisung-ah!”

“I was at a park nearby, not at home” He mutters, head down.

You purse your lips, deciding to shut up for now and give him space to think seeing as he doesn’t seem very comfortable to say anything for now. You go to the kitchen and come back quickly with a mug of warm milk and chocolate in your hands, which you give to him. You sit down beside him on the couch, turning on the tv and searching something on Netflix to put as background, while you wait patiently for him to open up. The film starts, and the soft piano music that plays in the start of Inside Out successfully manages to make Jisung relax a little bit.

“Do you look at someone and wonder,” You say simultaneously with the woman’s voice, wiggling your eyebrows playfully at Jisung.

“What’s going on inside their head?” The corner of his lips lift and he completes the sentence, his whole posture softer and slightly happier. You’re proud of his mood change, humming satisfied.

Three minutes into the movie and you hear a sigh escaping from Jisung’s lips. It’s a subtle gesture, but when he moves closer to lean his head on your shoulder, you know that he’s ready to talk. You lower the tv’s volume a bit, just enough to have it as background, but not disturbing your conversation.

“Are you going to forget me?” His voice is small as he speaks with hesitation, as if he fears saying out loud would make it become true.

“What do you mean, Jisungie?” You face him, not daring to point his childish choice of words.

“In three months, you and the hyungs are all going to college. The next year, it will be Chenle and me, and then—” He chokes, tears staining down his face, and all of sudden you feel your heart break in a million pieces. “Are things going to change? Between us, I mean”

You fall silent at his words. As you think hard about what to say, you rub circles on Jisung’s back, as it is the only thing you can do to provide comfort for now.

“I don’t know, Jisungie…” You admit, sighing heavily as you feel the emotions growing on you. You don’t dare to actually cry, feeling that it would be extremely selfish of you to not be the stable one right now.

“You guys are all I have…” Jisung breaks down, sobbing, and you pull him in a tight hug, hiding your own face on top of his head. “I’m afraid— Noona, what’s gonna happen? Our paths are too different, are we going to depart?”

“I don’t know,” You start, the tap of your fingers creating a rhythm on the back of his head “We all have different dreams— for starters, Mark wants to pursue music. Renjun is going to do art. Jeno? Probably something along the lines of profissional basket. Hyuck is trying for Journalism, I think, and Jaemin is going to be a physician. I don’t think all of us can go to the same college, but that’s okay.” Jisung hiccups “No matter the distance, we’re under the same sea of stars every night. If someday, you feel lost, we’ll be here to guide you. We’ll be your compass and your lighthouse.”

He stays silent, and you make a lot of circles on his hair, tangling the blonde locks between your fingertips.

“There is a saying that I really treasure... Ohana means family. And family means—”

“...no one gets left behind or forgotten”

“Yeah, that’s right” You let out a weak chuckle, “You’re my family, Jisung. I—, no, we won’t ever leave you behind or forget your name.” You let go of him to stare directly at his eyes. When Jisung looks at you, he’s surprised to encounter a small smile on your lips, despite the light tears making their path through your cheeks. “Time may pass, we may go different ways— But we’re always going to be each other’s home.”

2 Months Until Graduation

Girls and boys are separated during P.E, everyone knows that (it was a pity, because surely you would’ve loved an free-opportunity to throw a ball at Donghyuck’s face), but one day, when the teachers decide to merge the class, you’re dumbfounded. All of the seniors are in the gym, separated into girls and boys on opposite sides of the benches. There are big speakers connected to an old and beatdown radio, making you shudder, lowkey knowing what is going to happen.

“So, as all students already know, the date of your prom is coming soon!” Mrs.Park claps her hands loudly to shush a bunch of girls that couldn't stop giggling, sending a dirty look at the girl's side of the students.

You pretend you don’t notice Hyunjin staring at you from across the gym, praying internally for every single god you know to save you from this situation. You accidentally make eye contact with Mark and you mouth “save me” to him, forcing a panicked expression, trying to use your eyes, then your chin, and soon you’re shaking your head like a mad-woman to point at your ex, while not actually pointing to him. However, Mark was far from understanding your failed (and pitiful) attempt to use telepathy.

“It’s a tradition of more than fifty years in our school that we vote on a king and a queen for prom. The fortunate pair are the ones to open the dance floor, so, it’s quite mandatory that all students learn how to properly dance, as everyone has a chance of becoming king or queen!” You don’t miss how Hyunjin’s eyes spark with hope at Mrs. Park’s words and you shudder, groaning.

“If you already have a pair, please, go towards them and help yourselves to an empty spot. We have the entire sport court for us, so feel free to use the space, as long as you don’t leave the gym, of course.” Mr. Jung, the Male P.E teacher says. “If you haven't invited anyone yet, you can practice with a friend, that’s okay too.”

“Shit” You whisper dreadfully, your fingertips trembling on the side of your body. As the first students break out from the groups to join their pairs, you try to conceal yourself between the bodies in the crowd, your eyes traveling to anything that could possibly help you.

You could hide under the bleachers and pray that no one catches you. Or you could make a run into the locker rooms. Or you could beg to a random stranger to pretend to be your pair— no, that wouldn’t work, knowing Hyunjin, he wouldn’t stop even if you were engaged to someone.

Okay. Lockers it is, you decide, already turning in that direction with adrenaline in your veins. That didn’t last long, as you feel a cold hand grabbing your wrist before you can make a run for it. You freeze on your track, cursing every single divinity above. You’re certain that they were mocking you in this exact moment, saying something like “oh, look at that dumb, stupid kid!” ang giggling as they watch you suffer.

“y/n. Can we talk?” You slowly turn back, meeting Hyunjin’s dark eyes with your own. They held so much sincerity and fondiness that almost made you believe that maybe, the two of you could be happy. Almost.

“No—” You try to free yourself from him, but his hold on your wrist is firm. You give up and look away, but you can’t force your body to reject his touches. It’s been a long time since Hyunjin last touched you like this, without anger or resentment. For a single second, you’re caught up in the past again, dreaming awake of when you and Hyunjin were the perfect couple.

“Please… I just want to make things right this time.” He pleads softly. When he notices that you refuse to meet his gaze, his hand cups your cheek with all the care in the world, gently turning your head to look at him. You want to scream and cry, but surprisingly, you also don’t feel the need to.

“How so? Are you finally going to apologise?” You can’t help whispering those harsh words, surprising even yourself by your boldness. Hyunjin has a surprised look, eyes wide and lips parted, but you don’t feel as bad as you’d have felt if it was last year.

“What—” He mutters, but quickly composes himself, sighing. “Look, y/n, I know you were hurt when we broke up—”

“That’s an understatement.” You interrupt him pettily. He glares at that and you surprisingly feel nothing. If anything, you were lowkey satisfied that you were giving him a hard time.

“...but I regret that. Everything.” He continues, ignoring your words. You inhale sharply, already feeling the annoyance build up. “I had a long time to process things. Nothing is the same without you— We were the best things that happened to each other. You’re the piece that was missing in my puzzle.”

“Wow. Nice speech.” You force your expression to be blank, your words being filled with all the sarcasm you could reunite. “But you had almost one year to think about things and you only realize that now? That’s impressive, even for you. Einstein would be impressed, ha!”

“It was at that party, two months ago. I tried everything, but nothing could fill the empty space on my chest. On the start of the year, I tried leaving a letter on your locker, but you never answered, so I thought that was it. But seeing you again made me understand what I had lost.” He takes a deep breath and moves his body to come closer to yours, still ignoring every word that you said. “I still love you. Please, y/n…”

“Don’t do that.”

In a second, you’re out of his arms. Hyunjin blinks, seeming lost, and you scoff. His hand that previously was on your face now is hanging in the air, as you slapped it away. You see from the corner of your eye people hushing around both of you, trying to peep, but you ignore them easily.

“A year passed, and you still don’t understand anything, Hyunjin!” You almost spit the words, glaring at him. “You were the one who broke up with me. You were the one who said you deserve someone better than me, who said that I wasn’t enough for you. You also were the one who thought that I had sex with my childhood friends— oh god, that makes me sick just remembering it— and forced me to choose between them and you!”

“I’m sorry—”

“No, you’re not.” You hiss lowly, self-conscious of the fact that you were still in the gym. “Did you know? Since last year, I have been trying to understand what went wrong with us. I cried, every fucking night for two months after we broke up. I thought the problem was me— Hell, you made sure to highlight in your speech that day—, and for a long time, I hated myself for not being enough! Then, when I thought I was getting better, you come out of nowhere to suddenly say you regret everything? Fuckin’ shit—!”

You’re crying. You realize that too late, aggressively wiping your tears with your blazer. A quick turn of neck and you also realize that, gladly, people didn’t make a crowd around you. However some of the students noticed the argument and were stealing sneaky glances.

“But in the end, I have to thank you.” You don’t see around any of your friends, and you’re lowkey glad for that. “If you weren’t such a shithead and said all those things now— I think I would’ve never really understood what everyone always says about you, Hyunjin. Hell, you don’t even care about me, you just want someone to kiss your fucking feet!”

You take a deep breath and you’re more than ready to continue your monologue, exposing yourself emotionally after everything, but a hand on your shoulder breaks you from the rush of adrenaline, bringing you down from the adrenaline in your blood.

“That’s enough, y/n…” Mark whispers, squeezing your shoulder as a reassurance, and you’re startled by his sudden appearance. You inhale and let out another sigh, wiping your face again, trying to remove all traces of the previous breakdown. “You made your point, hm? By now, I think Hyunjin understands that things won’t end well if he tries to approach you again.”

You let out a chuckle unintentionally with his slightly threatening tone and both of you walk away from Hyunjin, Mark’s arm wrapped around your shoulders to carefully guide you between the students, knowing that you weren’t paying attention to anything right now.

You’re lightheaded and a mess of emotions inside. You feel like you’ve said too much, that you exposed ugly parts of yourself that you’d rather no one knowing about it, but you also feel like you didn’t rant enough to be satisfied. Many words are stuck in your throat, feelings that you would’ve preferred to be thrown on Hyunjin’s face like a petty revenge, just to see him flinch, instead of being bottled up inside.

But you’re okay. It hurts, but your heart is slowly healing. You’ll be okay.

“By the way, I already asked, but Mrs. Park won’t let us skip off the slow dance practice… And almost everyone already has a pair, so…” Mark says sheepishly and you let a small smile appear on your face. He shyly offers you his hand, the other one behind his back like a gentleman. You carefully put your hands on top of his, finding amusement on how his doe eyes widen, as if he didn’t expect you to actually take him.

“I guess we’re stuck together” You complete his sentence shyly

You would kill yourself if anyone else had seen you in this vulnerable state, but when it’s Mark, you guess that you don’t mind his company.

1 Month Until Graduation

It’s been a while since you last used the school’s music room. Senior year and exams were taking a toll on you, even if you tried to deny it, and you almost had no time to properly have fun.

But exams were over. All you had to do now was wait for the results— and find someone to take you to prom, but you didn’t want to think about that.

“Hi, sweetie-pie!” You say, in a honey-filled tone that would make yourself gag if it were in another situation

“What the fuck, y/n—”

“Shut up, I wasn’t talking to you!” You snap at Renjun, looking at the piano again changing back your expression to the loving one. You lean on the black, elegant, and probably expensive instrument that the school had, giving it a full peck on the lid. “Oh, my love, I missed you too much~ I’m really sorry for not visiting you soon”

Renjun furrows his eyebrows and pretends to puke with your antics and you let out a big laugh by that. He has a paper on his hands with a big logo full of mandarin characters on behind and he stares intensely at it, as if he wished it could bring itself to life and give him the answers he needed. You sit on the piano stool silently, your hands moving swiftly through the keys in a warm-up, without actually playing any song.

“I actually feel like Kelsi” You hum, your voice taking him out of his concentration on the paper.

“Who?” He raises his eyebrows, confused

“High School Musical. The pianist, shy girl.” Renjun sighs heavily and you giggle at his tired eye roll

“After all these years, you still reference High School Musical at every fucking opportunity you get” He complains, making you grin

“Of course!” You beam, your hands producing a soothing and calm background noise. “We like music. Also, we’re in high school. And, the cherry on top: some of our squad are on the school’s Basketball team, the most cliche thing to ever happen. It’s almost a sign from the gods, saying ‘Do it!’. It’s only natural that I should be following the legends’ example, right?”

“No” He deadpans

“Ah, okay then,” You say, pouting. You shift your attention to the piano again, “I won’t sing or play to you anymore!— You’re also banned from this room. Yeah, yeah, that sounds right— Leave, you’re not allowed to listen what I’m going to play!”

“If you sing any of High School’s discography again, I swear to god—” he ignores your childsh remarks, scoffing and mumbling quite bitterly, also appearing on your peripheral vision and sitting beside you on the bench. You drop the brat attitude and stop playing for a second, making a comfortable silence fill the room.

“No, it’s not that” Your tone is uncharacteristically soft. You watch as recognition flares in Renjun’s eyes right in the firsts notes you play, and you look away. “It’s been a long day, without you my friend.”

“And I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again” He joins in, the harmonization of both of your voices not failing to make a chill run down your spine. The good kind of chill. You let him continue the song, bobbing your head and smiling slightly. “We’ve come a long way from where we began. Oh I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again. When I see you again”

“Damn. Who knew? All the planes we flew, good things we've been through. That I'll be standing right here, talking to you about another path. I know we loved to hit the road and laugh. But something told me that it wouldn't last, had to switch up, look at things different, see the bigger picture. Those were the days, hard work forever pays. Now I see you in a better place” He raps, but his voice lacks the edge that a rapper normally displays. Instead, his tone is soft, almost singing rather than rapping. That style suits him, you think.

“How could we not talk about family, when family is all we got? Everything I went through you were standing there by my side. And now you gonna be with me for the last ride” You join him, even if your voice is on the weaker side as you’d have liked to let him have this moment solo. He notices this and nudges you, signalling to take the next part.

“So let the light guide your way, yeah… Hold every memory as you go” You sing with confidence and emotion, your voice vibrating, but not cracking. You lock eyes with Renjun, hoping that he could understand all of your feelings. “And every road you take, will always lead you home… Home”

“It’s been a long day, without my friend. And I’ll tell you all about when I see you again… When I see you again.”

Your hands leave the piano and fall limp at your sides. You purse your lips, feeling your eyes starting to water and you suddenly can’t bear to maintain eye contact. Renjun has his neck upwards, looking to the ceiling.

“What’re you doing...? You look stupid...” You mutter, still mocking his position despite your own emotions. You watch him from the corner of your eyes, as a single stray tear escapes and he gulps. You feel yourself breaking apart with him, the pain in your chest being ten times more intense than when you broke up with Hyunjin last year.

“...nothing” He manages to say, his hand searching in the air for a few seconds before he catches your own, intertwining your fingers for reassurance. You also feel your throat closing and you finally let yourself cry, lowering your head and making your hair cover your face from the sides.

“...did you tell anyone yet?” You whisper, afraid that if you say the words out loud, they’ll be even more frightening.

“...no.” He sobs, covering his face with his other hand. You whip your head back, throwing all your hair behind your neck and rubbing your own palms harshly through your face as if punishing them for breaking down would solve anything. “I don’t even know what to do yet… I don’t want to leave, but—”

Renjun leans his head on your shoulder, crying freely. You wonder, if the pain on your chest was already insufferable, how was he feeling? You didn't want him to leave, and neither did he wanted to do so, but if things were to this point… How could you ask him to stay? How could you be selfish?

Reality was cruel. Renjun was an exchange student. Deep down, you already knew since the beginning that things weren’t set to be permanent. You knew that he wasn’t like Chenle, whose parents came to live in Korea. Unlike you, Renjun had his own father, mother, sister and grandfather waiting for him to come back to home. Knowing that, how could you hope for him to stay?

You bring him to a tight hug, burying your head on his shoulder and crying your eyes out. You didn’t want to, but you started to fear the future. You wanted time to stop, to never graduate, to never go to college, so you all of you could be together without worries. You were being selfish and you also knew that, but you couldn’t find in yourself the willpower to stop that ugly feeling.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” Renjun chants like a mantra, and you feel a wet patch on the fabric of your shoulder. You don’t mind, as your tears had already formed a bigger stain on his blazer.

“This is not a goodbye” You choke, swallowing with difficulty “We’ll see each other again”

3 Weeks Until Graduation

“Mrs. Park asked me if we could do something to perform in prom” You say as you enter the music room, counting the presence of all seven heads before nodding satisfied to yourself.

“And why should we do that?” Hyuck whines, laying down on the couch and facing you upside down “School is almost over, she can’t bribe us with extra points!”

“Well, I think we all forgot that Chenle and Jisung aren’t seniors, and theoretically, can’t attend prom—” You giggle nervously, tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear “But Mrs. Park said that if the music club performs, she can let it slide”

“It’s not that bad” Jaemin arches his eyebrow, glancing at the two youngsters and shrugging it off “We were planning on sneaking them from the kitchens, but this works too— It also prevents anyone from getting to jail from food poisoning”

“What the fuck Jaemin” You deadpan, the boy just sending you a peace sign. For the sake of your mental health, you decide to ignore that for a while.

“But it’s still such a bitch” Donghyuck sighs, rolling his body so he is now with his belly on the sofa. He supports his hands on his elbows in the classic flower position, which, may you add, makes him appear more innocent than he’ll ever be. “We have 3 weeks to come up with something original? Are you kidding me?”

“She said it’s alright if we cover something, as long we perform it live” You explain, breathing deeply to not lose your patience

“But it’s no fun if we do it like that~~!”

“Then why are you complaining in first place?!” You bicker, glaring when Donghyuck smirks, fluttering his eyelashes innocently. You roll your eyes and flip him off, making him snort.

“What are you? Five?” Renjun deadpans, shoving the other male on the side. Hyuck pouts, sending finger hearts at him(Renjun ignores all of it.)

“Guys, I think I have something—”

“We all know Lee Haechan has a single-digit IQ” Jeno mocks, earning another whine from Hyuck.

“Don’t use my artistic name like that!”

“Artistic my ass” You pretend to cough, “It’s more like a nickname you made when you were in middle school because you thought it was cool, but backfired badly when you grew up"

“Who even calls themselves Full Sun?” Renjun teases. Donghyuck gasps dramatically, fully sitting up so he can put his hand on his chest.

“Excuse me, Haechan is a fucking amazing name!” He pouts, his reaction making you snort ungracefully

“Guys—”

“Hey, children, let’s stop bullying your friend~” Jaemin speaks in his aegyo tone, taking Donghyuck’s cheeks in his hands and making kissing faces at him “Let’s spread love~”

“No, fuck! Mooooooooom! Save me!” Hyuck screams, terrified. You smirk amusedly and finally turn to Mark, who had already given up on trying to speak.

“Sorry, what was it?” You tilt your head, noticing the papers in his hand. You take a seat on the office chair beside him, sneaking a glance through the computer and the music files in it. You don’t understand anything about producing, but Mark was good at it, so all of you could record songs even if you were just highschoolers.

“I have something in my drafts that could help us” He says, giving you the paper with the lyrics on it. Both of you ignore the chaos rising behind you, already being used to the loudness that came up with your group.

You raise your legs into the chair, sitting cross legged, leaning slightly forward. You don’t even notice yourself resting the back of your hand on Mark’s thigh, fingers playfully wiggling around as a silent request for him to take his hands in yours. He takes your demand in no time, tangling his fingers smoothly with yours in a firm, but gentle grip. You smile at that, a warm feeling consuming your body entirely.

“Puzzle piece? That sounds cute” You giggle, watching as Mark clicks in a file that you see that hasn’t been edited in more than a month. He stretches out for a headphone, putting it on your ears carefully before starting the track. The entire time your eyes are glued to his face, observing each feature in him as he’s distracted. Suddenly, you’re afraid of being caught staring for more time than it should be considered okay for friends, so you quickly turn your eyes to the computer, feeling your chest bubble with something you quite don’t know what it is.

“I started working on it before finals, but I didn’t do much because I had to study” He explains as you squint your eyes through the multiple layers and notes that you didn’t understand. Your eyes travel again to the lyrics sheet, a smile spreading in your lips unconsciously.

“You’re my missing puzzle piece~ Finally I solved it. You filled every piece of my heart, even the scarred part of it to the fullest. And somehow, you’ve become my everything, my missing puzzle piece” You test, the lyrics leaving your mouth quite smoothly with the incomplete song melody. “I liked it” You say, spinning your chair to face the dreamies again, noticing that they had calmed down and were quietly enjoying your voice. You feel shy with the sudden attention and you clear your throat with your fist in front of your mouth to hide it, passing the lyrics sheet to Jisung, who’s the closest. You lowkey miss the feeling of Mark’s hand trapped in yours, and that realization makes you even more shy. You take a deep breath, calming yourself down.

“Jaemin and I to wrote the lyrics” Jeno announced proudly, Jaemin nodding with him

“You did a good job” You smile proudly, raising a high five to both of them. Jaemin came to hit his hand with yours, but you troll him in the last second, changing your fingers to scissors.

“You’re impossible” He deadpans and you roar with uncontrollable laughter. Jeno smirks, giving Jaemin sympathetic pats on the back

"I did something just for the overall feeling, but it's pretty nothing yet" Mark says, not seeming to be affected by the general chaos. "But I think we can finish it in less than a week? So there will be time to practice,"

“So, what were you thinking about? The melody, I mean” Chenle asked and you gave space for him to come closer, moving your chair. Mark pulled out his guitar supporting it on his thigh.

“Mostly C, E, A minor, G and F” He says the accords as he plays, switching the order to get other verses, but not playing any note besides those. The difference between stroking up and down the strings, along with the occasional change of chords are enough to bring a simple and aesthetic feeling. “Since it’s more in the heartwarming side, I think we could try for an acoustic vibe, y’know?”

“It’s good” Renjun nods, holding the sheets. “”Hello, it’s been so long, isn’t it?” The small piece that I put in my pocket and carry around everywhere, please be with me so it can be fuller and prettier. Na Jaemin, what the fuck are these—”

“Hey!” He protests, pouting “What’s wrong with my lyrics?”

“It’s cringy as fuck”

“The whole song is cringy as fuck, I don’t see your point here, hyung” Jisung mocks, and you giggle, agreeing with him

“But it’s cute” Chenle shakes his head, smiling slightly. “More than having everything, not losing that one thing is more important.” He reads the lyrics, nodding along

“Whoop whoop— Who were you thinking about when you wrote it, hm,~~? Was it me?” Hyuck leans down to support his weight on Jeno’s back, much to the other boy's dismay.

“Ah. I won’t say, you’ll tease me to the end of the world” He sighs, earning a giggle.

“I knew it!” He exclaims, deep down already knowing the answer without even asking.

"Ah, shut it, will ya?" Jeno grunts, rolling his eyes. "It's not about just one single person. It's more about us. There's eight of us, a pretty big group, might I say, but it somehow feels empty if a single person is missing. That's why, Missing Puzzle Piece"

"Wow." You say, caught off guard. Your lips curve upwards and there is a soft look in your eyes as you take in Jeno's flustered face by his own confession. "Why are you so good at writing lyrics?" You tease him lightheartedly.

"Maybe it's because Lee Jeno is the most awkward person I have ever seen" Renjun ponders, smirking.

"Nah, that's just Mark. Jeno comes in a second close, he's more like, the type that doesn't know how the fuck are you supposed to express yourself" You argue, Renjun having no choice but to agree with you.

"He's one of those talented composers that uses music to confess their feelings!" Chenle giggles like a teenager girl, poking Jeno's biceps. The latter has a suffering expression, apparently, giving up on having a peaceful environment.

"I can totally see Jeno using music to confess to someone" Jisung ponders out loud, making you cackle. "Imagine this: it's two am, Jeno has a guitar on his lap and is sitting on the couch. In front of him, on the center table, are Seol, Lal and Bongshik. They're the only ones he loves anyway, so he's serenading them!"

You think you're having an aneurysm from the intensity you laugh and shake your shoulders, feeling your belly burn with every snort you let out. Your eyes travel across the room and they stop at Mark’s expression, admiring how his muscle faces contort with every laugh that escapes from his lips.

“Ah, fuck, why am I being so attacked right now?” Jeno curses, slightly pissed but his body completely still against the couch.

“Don’t worry, Jeno-ah, everyone has their moments” Donghyuck teases. Jeno narrows his eyes at him, gripping his shoulder in a tight grip and applying force enough to make the other boy whine, while giggling happily “Ah, ah, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please, don’t— Ack!”

“We’re getting off track” Mark warns, although his smile reveals that he’s having fun watching Hyuck suffer. “Guys, let’s focus right now, right? We can mess later”

You’re scared of what this fuzzy feeling in your chest means. But at the same time, you feel safe, as nothing in the world could hurt you. It’s a giant mess of feelings that you didn’t want to tackle right now, so you just let it be.

2 Weeks Until Graduation

All of you were reunited in Chenle's backyard. His house was big enough for you to decide suddenly that you wanted to do a sleepover— More exactly, you wanted to sleep outside. The first option was to go to a beach, but you still had school to attend, so camping on the grass with multiple tents set up seemed fair enough. (Also, Chenle’s parents were the only ones that had a house big enough for eight teenegers and didn’t care if those eight teenagers were screaming and being hormonal kids)

Three tents were set up. You didn’t mind sharing with one of the boys, but Mrs. Zhong was really worried, so you decided to at least give her some peace of mind. You had the smallest tent to yourself, while Chenle and Jisung shared another small one and the others shared the large one. Mark brought his guitar from home and was mindlessly playing with the strings, producing a soothing background music to fulfill the silence. The rest of you were sprawled on the grass, looking at each other, or in your case, the starry sky. There were some lamps on the outside of the house, but you guys chose to put a cheap yellow lantern in the middle of the circle just to set up a sappy mood, almost like a city-version of camping.

“Did you guys get your exam results?”

For almost a month, all eight of you made a silent deal to never mention college and exam results. It was painful to even consider that you weren’t going to see each other every day, so it was easier to pretend that it wasn’t going to happen any soon. That, and you were silently trying to not upset Jisung. The episode of three months ago was still clear in your head— you hated yourself for it, but his words messed with your emotions. It was hypocritical as fuck of you to assure him that everything was going to be okay when even you didn’t know if it was true or not. You didn’t spill the tea directly to Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Donghyuck or Jaemin, but they already knew that Jisung and Chenle were highkey worried about all of you graduating.

So, when Jisung finally addressed the elephant in the room— To say that you were tense was an understatement.

“I passed. Seoul National.” Jaemin breaks the silence, a grin on his face.

“What?!” You exclaim, immediately rolling around so you were on your belly and you could face him. You had the biggest and proudest smile on your cheeks.

“SNU? Wow” Jeno exclaims, punching him on the shoulder, being joined by both Renjun and Donghyuck. Jaemin whines, but his smile never leaves his lips even once.

“That’s amazing!” You feel your shoulder relax a bit at the news, beaming at him.

“Yeah. And it’s not that far either” Jaemin adds, you notice that Renjun’s expression falters a bit. You don’t dare to mention his change out loud. At least not for now.

“It’s not a big one like Jaemin, but I passed too. Hanyang University. I tried for Architecture, actually. Changed my mind at the last second.” Jeno giggles shyly and you also beam at him.

“What do you mean ‘it’s not big’?” You whine, being your turn to slap his thighs. “It’s seventh in South Korea! Be more proud of it!”

“I thought you were going to go after basketball” Mark wonders, tipping his head

“I was.” Jeno shrugs at him. “But there are a lot of things to take into consideration when you choose a sports career. The most obvious of them is height, and well— I have 1.77. It’s pretty good for the average korean man, but I don’t think I would’ve made it into a basket team.”

“Ah, true. That sucks, tho” Chenle groans, tucking his leg into himself. “I have 1.78. It’s not a lot either.”

“It happens.” Jeno finishes “I’m not upset about it, actually. I’m really looking forward to study architecture— I have an uncle that works at a construction company and if I do well, he said that he can take me under his wing”

“Well, as long you’re satisfied—” Hyuck pats his back, also using the situation to snuggle into him. “We’re happy for you”

“Thanks” He smiles, his eyes turning into small moons.

“Music, Sungkyunkwan University. ” You take the cue, announcing proudly with a peace sign. “It’s not the closest, but still is around Seoul, so it’ll be okay. At most i’ll have to take long rides on the train to meet you guys, so it still works”

“Sungkyunkwan is awesome” Jisung’s eyes sparkle and you let out a shy chuckle, nodding “I want to try for them next year, but I’m not really sure”

“Whoa, imagine that? Park Jisung as my super duper cute junior?” You tease, poking his leg. Jisung makes a face at you and you laugh.

“Well, for me, I’m at Kwangwoon. I’m going for Journalism and communications” Donghyuck announces, pulling you closer and forcing you to sit up for him to sneak his arm around your shoulders. “It’s far as fuck from the other Universities here in Seoul, but at least, we’re close.” He says that last part directed at you, making you nod.

“I passed in Music in Chung-ang” You widen your eyes at Mark, but not in the good way

“You’re going to Anseong?” Your voice wavers, but he just chuckles.

“Nope. They have a Seoul campus.” He explains, chuckling “If you guys think Kwangwoon is far, just wait until you see on the map where it’s located—”

“I’m going back to China.”

Mark’s voice dies and you almost break your neck with the speed you turn to look at Renjun. His gaze is fixed on the grass, not daring to maintain eye-contact with anyone.

“Sorry...” He mumbles. Before you can say anything, he sniffles and wipes a stray tear. “I— My parents—” Jaemin engulfed him in a tight hug. Renjun buries his head on Jaemin’s shoulders, sobbing. You don’t even notice when the tears start to flow down your own cheeks.

“It’s okay… We aren’t mad, Injunnie…” Jaemin soothes, tapping the other male’s back.

“It’s just that... I miss them… Too much”

Renjun was an exchange student, you remember again for the nth time this month. His parents still are in China. He was living almost three years on his own, going home only on holidays. You can’t even imagine what he’s thinking or feeling, being conflicted between his biological family and his heart family.

“I got into Sichuan Conservatory of Music. They’re great and have an interdisciplinary background in music and art, so I was really conflicted, but—” He chokes. Chenle and Jisung also come closer to comfort him as he talks. ”I spoke with my mom. She said I could choose to stay in Korea if I really wanted to, but I miss her and my dad too much”

“Oh, Injunnie, that’s amazing…I’m proud of you” Jeno encourages and you lift yourself from the ground, immediately tackling Renjun, hugging him from behind. After a few seconds, everyone is in a big and messy group hug. You hope that Renjun doesn’t care about tear stains on his shirt the next day.

“When are you leaving?” Jisung’s questions break your heart in countless pieces, making you bury your face even more in Renjun’s back.

“Three weeks after graduation.” He mumbles almost incoherently and you sniff.

The hug lasts a good ten minutes before Jisung complains that his back was hurting from bending it to reach Renjun’s height, making everyone let out a good laugh. Renjun wipes his face and you follow his example. His face is slightly swollen and his eyes are red. You notice that Donghyuck also has reddish eyes, but you don’t comment on that because you’re also certain that you look worse. Jeno was trying to hold it together, but even he couldn’t hide the sorrow in his eyes. Jaemin was consoling Jisung, who was still sobbing despite the earlier joke, rubbing the younger one’s shoulder. Chenle had an arm loosely above Renjun’s shoulders, not crying, but obviously affected by the news. Mark sighs loudly and takes back his guitar, back to playing some random tune on it, trying to make the atmosphere less depressed and awkward.

“There isn’t a campfire here, but…”

You recognize the first strums, as your lips quirk up.

“Camp rock? Really?” You laugh, but your chest starts to grow warm with the choice of music “That’s, like, the cheesiest thing in the story of cheesy things.”

“I hate to admit, but it fits the moment.” Jaemin mutters, a teasing tone.

“Shut it, both of you” Mark scolds slightly, but you just widen your smile.

“So let’s sing na, nanananana, hey~, yah” Donghyuck starts. He makes eye contact with Mark, and both grin. Mark joins him, their voices blending softly in the night “C’mon and sing na, nananana, hey, ya.”

You sigh, pretending to be annoyed, but the smile on your face can’t fool anyone.

“This is our song, that’s all it matters, cause we all belong, right here together, there’s nothing better than singing along~ This is our summer” You grin, maintaining eye contact with Mark and Donghyuck at all times. “This is our song”

“And this is our song~” When all of your voices join, you can’t help but to feel emotional. All of your hands (except Mark’s) maintain a nice rhythm, clapping as your voices fill up the backyard. Hyuck takes charge of the adlibs, his honey-tone enhancing everyone and perfectly synergizing with all the voices.

You take a look at everyone’s faces. There’s a kind of understanding, even if no one said anything out loud. The song is happy, but it holds an emotional baggage to it as each one of you already knows that you won’t be able to sit down and sing carelessly like this in the future.

You all sang multiple times together. None of you were professionals yet, but you liked to think that music had an important role in holding your friendship together. You couldn’t count the amount of random moments when one of you was humming a song, and out of nowhere, there was a full choral singing, even if it was the silliest song humankind has ever produced.

“This is our song…” Mark finishes, his hand falling limp on his lap.

“Wow. Out a whole list of emotional, happy, but sad songs to choose from, you take one from Camp Rock.” Jisung sasses, even if it’s clear that his words don’t hold a real bite. “Real shitty taste, if I must say, even more for someone who’s going to take music”

“Excuse me? Camp Rock is great!” He defends, offended. You giggle at that.

“You’re going to be a professional musician one day. You’ll write your own songs, right? If you don’t do anything else inspired by us, I swear to god, I’m ending this friendship” You joke, nudging his side.

“I’ll think about it” He smiles at you, making your chest fill up with warmth. His fingers suddenly pause the music and you watch as he gulps nervously and looks directly at the eyes of everyone “Even if we’re physically distant from one another, let’s try to be in touch, right?”

“Yeah…” You mutter along the boys and you lift your head so you’re staring at the stars. They twinkle and shine at you, almost as if they understand the bittersweet situation you have on your hands.

“Markie-poo” The older boy is startled as Hyuck brings back the old nickname he had given him when they were children. “Why don’t you do a chant for all of us?”

“What— Why me?” He whines and you chuckle.

“You’re the oldest. It only feels right.” Jeno interferes, half teasing, half touched.

“C’mon, Markie-hyung~~” Jaemin shakes his shoulders, forcing aegyo with a full pout that makes you cringe. Mark groans, shaking his head,

“Ah, you guys—” He scolds, but there is a fond smile on his cheeks. You smile, taking your time to admire your friends.

When you first met Mark, you thought that he was a goody two-shoes. You were ten, and at that time, you were constantly upset with him because he was the type of student that would remind the teacher that she had passed homework last week(and you also weren’t the type that would actually do your work sheet). You don’t even remember when you two started to be actually friends, and you don’t even know where you would be right now if you didn’t have him in your life.

Jaemin and Jeno kind of came like a package. You’d known them since you were children— since you were five, actually. You remember playing with them sometimes in the playground, bickering because you thought insects were gross, while they loved to hunt for butterflies and bugs. Sadly, you’d moved from the neighborhood when you were eight, and your parents decided that the tiny house wasn’t enough for them. Despite that, five years after that, you find them in the same school and class as you— Also, same class as Mark and Donghyuck.

Although they were inseparable, they were different on their own. Jeno was more laid back, the chill kind of guy. His humor was underrated— but that was expected, considering that you had a lot of pranksters and screamers on your group—, his jokes sometimes passed over your heads as not everyone had enough braincells to actually understand.

Jaemin had some crazy mood swings. One day, he was the calmest person to ever exist, and another, he spoke as if he was high on drugs and would say questionable things. He was either a patient and loving guy, or he would nag you until you rip your ears off. It was slightly unsettling how good he was at reading you and giving advice, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

You hated Donghyuck at first. He was a cool guy that made everyone laugh, but you couldn’t stand his teasing jokes at some moments. You and him formed a friendship only when he dropped his carefree mask. You found him crying behind the bushes of the garden because of a mean comment some kid made when they thought he wasn’t listening. In fifteen minutes of real, heart-to-heart conversation, you’d finally seen that he wasn’t just a jokester, and he wasn’t always happy, like everyone else assumed.

Chenle came when you were 13. He was a cute junior, but he had slightly language barrier problems because he didn’t know how to speak korean well. As a canadian kid himself(but living in Korea since he was a child), Mark took upon himself to help Chenle adapt to school, even if their languages weren’t the same. You thought that Chenle was cute— and that didn’t change even now, almost in adulthood—, and you did all you could to help him. He was thrilled and hyped for everything, making your heart melt for him like ice cream on a sunny day.

Jisung came almost at the same time as Chenle. Both of them were in the same class, and Chenle took the other boy to meet his older friends when he realised that Jisung hadn’t any friends in school. Your mother instincts were activated almost instantly. He looked up at you as an example (you were a mess at studying and procrastinated to do every single assignment, but he still idolized you) and you pushed yourself to not disappoint him. You and Jaemin also bickered, trying to compete for Jisung’s love, but at some point you had achieved a mutual agreement of sharing his heart—much to Jisung’s dismay.

Renjun came much later, in freshman year of high school. He first met Chenle, as both of them were chinese, but he had more practice in speaking korean then the other boy at the time he had arrived. He was the one you clicked with the quickest. You thought that he was a shy, innocent boy at first, but his witty remarks matched perfectly your group dynamics, and everyone warmed up to him in no time.

For three years, the group was complete. You took them for granted— You thought you were going to be each other’s anchor for the rest of your lives, and you’d never separate even if you had the biggest fight. You didn’t consider that you didn’t need a fight to go on different paths.

The sound of bickering and teasing was so familiar to your ears that you were afraid of the future, when you wouldn’t hear Chenle’s high pitched laugh, or Jaemin’s whines and aegyo everyday. Or Donghyuck’s teasing, Renjun’s sass and Jeno’s deep chuckles. You wouldn’t witness Jisung’s nose crunching when he cringes, or Mark’s entire face blushing when he was embarrassed. You would lose that.

Maybe you were being dramatic. It’s not like any of you were dying— You just were going to college, for fucks’ sake. But you couldn’t help the painful squeeze of your chest, as you were missing something that was still here.Renjun was staying in Korea for 3 weeks after graduation. That gave you exactly a month until you’d have to say goodbyes.

��Okay, okay, I’ll do it.” Mark gave in. He straightened his posture. “Yo dream!”

A single tear made his path down your cheek, but you didn’t bother to wipe it off.

“Jjeoreo! Juja! Fighting!”

You still had time

Five Days Until Graduation

“Hm, hi—”

“It’s three am,” You state groggily, “Why the fuck are you calling me at three fucking am, Mark Lee?”

You hear a gulp and the line stays silent for a whole minute. You close your eyes for a few seconds, dazed, not even registering the time passing as you’re half asleep. Mark finally speaks after two minutes

“—an we meet up?”

“...what?”

“I said, can we meet up?” He repeats, slightly exasperated. You yawn and he sighs. “It’s important, I swear,”

“...how important…?” Your voice is muffled by the pillows and Mark can’t help but to release a deep chuckle. You swear you’re in dreamland again, as you think that his laugh had some kind of spell that made your entire body relax at the same instant.

“I’m at the front of your home” Your eyes are wide and you immediately jump out of the bed, kicking the warm covers to the floor and rushing to your window. You push the curtains, looking through the glass

“What the fuck— Mark, why are you outside? What in the world—”

“It’s okay. Just come down, please…”

Your eyes soften and you sigh. You have known Mark Lee for more than nine years by now. You were sure you could recognize every emotion that passed in his eyes— That’s why you believe that he holds some kind of emotion that you’re not even aware of, and he desperately wants to hide it from the world. It’s almost like you’re in middle school again, when he lied about being fine, and insisted on being the perfect student, overworking himself to the limit and refusing to admit that he was human too and was likely to fail sometimes.

But it’s also different this time. His chuckle is bittersweet, most likely not sincere, but it’s not a hundred percent fake. The only thing is you can’t point out why you think that.

“Also, it’s cold outside, so wear something warm, okay?” He adds, interpreting your silence as agreement. You catch a hoodie that was thrown on your chair and you wear it over your pajamas, putting your fluffy slippers on your feet.

You quickly go downstairs, not really caring if you made any noise. Your parents weren’t home anyways, so you didn’t have to worry about that. You unlock your door, only to see Mark in your yard, staring at the road. He’s not looking at the cars, you realise, he’s looking at the stars. Mark has only a white t-shirt, jeans and a black blazer that you guess that doesn’t do wonders, considering the way he hugs himself searching for warmth.

“Wear something warm, that’s what he said” You mock him, but deep down, you’re slightly concerned. “What are you doing? Come inside, quick!”

“Sorry” He apologises, but you give a light slap on the shoulder as he passes by, muttering something about he shouldn’t apologise under your breath. He makes a beeline for your couch, hiding his face in his hands that were supported on his thighs.

“What’s up with you and Jisung, coming at my home late at night for pep talks?” You try to joke, failing as your voice cracks. Your chest is squeezing and you feel like you can’t breathe properly even if Mark hasn’t said anything yet

“I’m sorry” He mumbles again. You bit your lower lip, frowning.

“It’s all right, you know I don’t mind if you guys decide to raid my home at random times—”

“It’s not that... I’m going back to Vancouver.”

You go blank. Mark raises his head, doe eyes wavering. He’s not crying, but all the pain and despair are clear in his gaze.

“W-what…” Your own eyes are wide. You feel your throat dry and you can’t think of any words that made sense to be spoken out loud, the living room suddenly spinning and closing on you. “As a travel…?” You know it’s not, but you still hoped that, somehow, you had overanalyzed and misunderstood all of his red flags.

“No… I’m moving”

You suddenly can’t breathe. You stumble back to the table room, your knees giving up and forcing you to sit on the glass. The first tears drop from the corner of your eyes, but you barely register them.

“Fuck, I’m sorry—” Mark pleads again, standing up and walking around the room nervously. “I wanted to go to college with you guys— or at least be here in Korea, but—” He massages his forehead, hands dropping down to his lower face to drown a scream.

You force your legs to stand up, slightly wobbling in your steps as you walk to him. You launch yourself at him, circling your arms in his waist and clutching him as if your life depended on that, drowning yourself in the sensation of being squeezed between his own embrace while you had the chance to.

“It’s my grandma,” He talks after recovering his composure, burying his chin on your shoulders. You lay your forehead on his collarbone, afraid of letting him see your own despair “She has alzheimer. We thought she was doing okay, but last night, my auntie called… She said that grandma had an episode. She wasn’t eating, and was almost forgetting how to breathe during her sleep, so she was rushed to the hospital” You finally feel his tears dripping down your hoodie and you raise your hands to his upper back, drawing circles on his skin. “Mum and auntie agreed that granny probably doesn’t have much time… So we’re going back.”

“W-when—” You choke on your saliva, moving away for a second so you could cough and wipe your ugly tears. Mark catches your hands in his, not wanting to completely cease contact “W-when you’re going?”

“...wednesday.”

“But that is—”

“Five— No, actually, four days from now.” His hold gets tighter and you slowly process the information.

“So… You won’t attend prom, right…?” You want to slap yourself for that question, shaking your head. His grandma is passing away and the first thing you say it’s about some stupid party. Wow, way to go, you thought bitterly. “Sorry, ya’ don’t need to answer that.”

“I’m sorry” he shakes his head

“Stop apologising!” You scold, breaking down in tears once more. You feel your shoulders shaking and you try to wipe your face again, but you can’t win against the flow down your cheeks. “It isn’t your fault, so stop being so sweet and caring and everything! Shit, why the fuck am I the one crying—?! I should be the one supporting you, not the other way around…I’m so stupid, why—”

“Don’t say that, you’re not stupid...” Mark brings you again to his chest and you sob, your fingers gripping the fabric of his t-shirt fearing for the future. His left hand snakes up to your neck, making you lean your head on his shoulder again as he plays with his fingers through your hair strands. “Prom is important, I know that… If I could choose, I’d stay one more day, just to wrap things up properly, but…”

He doesn’t finish his speech, his voice dying a bit. You feel a gentle tap on your shoulder, and the next thing, you’re staring directly at Mark’s eyes. Despite the overall depressing situation, he still gazes at you fondly, wearing his heart on his sleeve without any second thoughts. His hand is nothing but caring as he moves the hairs on your face behind your ear, leaving traces of warmth in your skin in the trail. He withdraws a bit, only enough to tinker with his phone quickly.

“Y’know… We were partners at that dance lesson a month ago... And since neither of us has gotten ourselves a date to prom, I guess we’re still in game, right?”

You recognize the first notes of Perfect easily. A little laugher escapes from your mouth, your lips curving themselves to match Mark’s own smile. He drops his phone somewhere on the couch and casually messes up his black hair, somehow managing to make himself twenty times more attractive than the usual, also making exaggerated motions of fixing his blazer before curving down to an elegant bow from the 90’s.

“It’s not exactly what I had in my plans, but…” He reaches out, his hand open right in front of you. “y/n...Can I have this dance?”

You wipe the corners of your eyes one more time before nodding quite shyly, which is a feeling so foreign that you suddenly don’t know how you’re supposed to act. Mark seems to notice that as he takes upon himself to connect your hands, his fingers intertwined with yours and his touch burning through your skin. He lets out a content hum, slowly taking some steps back to reach a free space, far from both the couch and the table. You watch mesmerized as he confidently guides your hands to his shoulders, his arms wrapping around your waist with ease, almost as if your bodies were meant to complete each other.

You’re dumbfounded, to say, at least. It was almost as if the roles were reversed. Since you were children, you had always been the confident one, while Mark assumed the more awkward type of boy— You’d made fun of him more times than you could count, repeating the iconic quotes he spilled when he was pressured and nervous (“this is so high, it’s like my grades!”). Suddenly, he’s not horribly awkward with skinship anymore, and you don’t know what exactly to think. Did you like it? Yes. Did you hate it? Also, yes.

“Cause we were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was.I will not give you up, this time” You whisper the lyrics, swinging side-to-side. You don’t dare to sing the next verse, though. Mark nods, looking at you as if you were the most beautiful thing he has ever seen in his whole life. His hands are nothing but gentle as he spins you around, something that was never taught in Mrs. Park’s class last month.

You hate the things he makes you feel. Your heart is full, but at the same time, it crushes within itself painfully every single time you’re reminded that Mark is going back to Canada. His hands made your skin tickle— in the good way. It brings chills, because it’s cold, but it also is extremely warm. You’re hyper aware of his arms circling your waist tenderly, your fingertips squeezing his shoulder with tenderness. Deep down, you already know that this isn’t how friends would interact with each other, but you’re too afraid to acknowledge that, and eventually make things even more difficult.

“We are still kids, but we're so in love, fightin' against all odds… I know we'll be alright this time” He sings, his raspy voice echoing in the walls. You feel the tears coming back to your eyes, “Darling, just hold my hand, be my girl and I’ll be your man. I see the future in your eyes”

You’re tired of crying. You’re afraid that you were being overdramatic with all of this graduation thing, and for a second, you started to question if you were being annoying, all of your self-confidence dropping for a swift moment. You bring your arms upwards from Mark’s shoulders, wrapping them around his neck in a deep embrace, taking the opportunity to hide your face in his collarbones again. Mark lets out a tired sigh, unspoken words flowing around you with a deep melancholy.

You’re tired of people leaving you behind, you finally realize. Some old memory comes flying in your mind, one time that Jeno mentioned that you might have some abandonment issues, and you had denied it back then with all your might. However, if he said the same thing to you today, you would have no choice but to agree with him.

First were your parents, who had never cared for you in the first place, leaving you behind while they went on long business trips since you were eight. Then your girl friends at middle school, who ganged up on you one day and said that you weren’t cool enough to hang out with them. Hyunjin, your ex, who made sure to blame you for all mistakes made in your relationship. Maybe all of that justified your anxiety of losing your friends, the only ones who had stayed until now. You knew that people could easily keep being friends, even if they were in different countries, because they had the internet to chat even if they were miles apart. A part of you screamed inside, extremely dull as you couldn’t help but to think that you wouldn’t talk to any of your friends if you weren’t in the same classroom everyday.

“We’ll be okay” Mark whispers in your ear, as if he could sense your thoughts going spiral.

You close your eyes tightly, letting yourself imagine you and Mark, in prom, with fancy clothes. You imagine him wearing a tuxedo, leading you into the dance floor, the fabric of your dress swaying in the air as if you were in some kind of Hollywood movie. Your friends would be cheering you on, and everyone else from school would be looking at you dreamly, as if they wanted to be in yours or Mark’s place.

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms

Barefoot on the grass, listenin' to our favorite song

When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful

I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight

Zero days until graduation

“Yah, if you don’t stop crying, your eyes will get so puffed that not even the best foundation in the world will help you”

“What you’re talking about, Jaemin, I’m not crying—”

“Yeah, sure, everyone believes that—”

Your last week has passed in a blink of an eye. Before you could even process what was happening, you and the rest of your friends were in your house, drinking and spending your last hours with Mark before he had to leave for Canada.

It was dramatic. Since his flight was at 2 am (who the fuck thought that flights at 2 in the morning were a good idea?), you decided to spend the whole day together. Once every three hours, one of you would burst into tears, mainly you, Donghyuck and Jisung, the crybabies of the group.

You didn’t go to the airport to see him off. In fact, Mark didn’t let any of you see him— He said it would be more painful that way. That didn’t prevent you from crying your eyes out anyway, and at this point, you think you actually dehydrated yourself from the alarming amount of tears you spent in the last 48 hours.

“Fuck you then,” You hiss, hearing the laughters of Jaemin and Chenle from your computer. You were on discord, in a server that had all of you, including Mark. Just seeing his name appear on the members’ list made a jab straight into your chest, your eyes watering effortlessly. “—not gonna cry tonight. My tear ducts are dry already”

“I smell bullshit” Jisung pops out of nowhere and you sigh.

“Anyway, not gonna happen. Not crying tonight, nuh-uh” You shake your head, slightly pissed “First, it’s extremely humiliating to cry on prom— Even more if you’re alone, that’s just… Sad.”

“And who the fuck said that?” Jisung roasts, making you sigh. Ah, so much for raising him, you think.

“I did” You counter, extremely concentrated on your current task: putting on your makeup. The boys were playing PUBG, not bothering to prepare themselves, for now. You still had more than four hours until prom, but you were anxious and couldn’t help yourself. “Whatever, what I’m trying to say here is that I won’t cry tonight. I don’t need to make everything more depressing than it already is, so I’ll just dance my worries away. It sounds like a good plan to me”

“Wow,” Chenle gasps suddenly, and you pause your artwork to briefly look at his icon flashing on your screen— A childhood picture of him holding a giant gun, smiling brightly as if nothing was happening. “Your levels of bullshit just hit the fan”

“Ah, you’re both so mean to me~” You whine, pouting even if they can’t see it. You’re unconsciously trying to deflect the situation, even if you’re not aware. “Both of you are younger than me, but why am I being so disrespected like that?”

“Because you’re lame” Jisung fires and you let out another whine. Chenle yells something about Jisung’s poop hands almost killing them on the game, but you’re not paying enough attention to understand whatever they’re arguing about.

“Okay, now, back to the topic,” Jaemin cleans his throat and you feel your shoulder tensing up. “I’m worried”

“You don’t need to, I’m fine” You’re a bit defensive. Jisung opens his mouth to say something sassy, but you don’t understand what he said, as Jaemin’s voice drowns him.

“I think we know each other long enough to know that’s completely, utterly, totally, entirely, absolutely full of bullshit”

“Wait, doesn’t all of that mean the exact same thing?” Chenle pipes up, confused. Jisung, Jaemin and you let out a synchronized sigh. Right, foreign problems.

“Like I said, you don’t need to worry, Jae” You spoke in a soft tone, halting your hand that was blending the foundation. “I will be fine, I guess. There’s not much to do about Renjunnie and Mark leaving anyway, so it’s no use to waste your time worrying about me.”

“Don’t put yourself down like that,” He scolds, but his words didn’t hold a real bite. It kinda reminds you of how a mother scolds her child— You didn’t actually experience that, but you suppose that’s how it’s meant to be. “It’s okay to feel hurt, even if there’s nothing to do about. I’m just saying that you shouldn’t bottle it up. Renjunnie was really worried these days, because you wouldn’t say anything about your feelings.”

“Yeah” Jisung butts in, only because he didn’t know what to speak, but he felt the need to be verbal. You can almost see Jaemin rolling his eyes in his house, but that thought doesn’t humor you like it should.

“Well, it’s just that...” You start, but you can’t find the exact words to express the mess in your head. “All of us are passing for the same thing, so I feel like it’s unfair of me to be complaining and crying at all times while you guys are not”

“And why the fuck do you think we don’t complain and cry at all times?” Jaemin is quick to counter, making you sigh for the nth time. “Hyuckie didn’t answer anyone yesterday because he was busy crying and eating ice cream while he watched Toy Story 3 and 4”

“Toy Story is sad, it’s normal” Chenle defends, as he cries every time single time too.

“Yeah, he also cried over Spiderman: Far From Home and the last episode of ICarly. You know, the one when Carly goes to live with her dad and everything” Jaemin shrugs, but you don’t actually see it, you just imagine him doing that.

“That’s tough, buddy” Jisung mutters

“Well, do you see a pattern there?” Jaemin continues, ever patient “That’s Hyuck’s way to cope with Mark leaving. He’s not that good either, but at least he lets himself feel bad and he talks to someone about what he’s thinking. That’s way more healthier than closing yourself and not talking at all, if you ask me.”

“So, do you want me to spill all my inner insecurities and ugly cry again?”

“Basically, yes”

“What the fuck Jaemin” All four of you chuckle at that, even if it wasn’t the best moment to actually be funny. Somehow, you feel a bit less overwhelmed with everything, as Jaemin’s words helped you understand that you weren’t being annoying, as your low self esteem suggested. You fall silent for some seconds, taking your time to process everything— Chenle shouts again at Jisung for dropping the wrong item and you take a deep breath, their casual bickering grounding you to reality. “... and thank you, I guess…”

“It would make me ten times happier if you kept on talking, but that’s also okay, I guess. Can’t have everything we want,” He jokes, using your own words and a light hearted nagging tone, making you smile a bit. “We can have more deep talk some other time, when you feel like you’re ready. Just, please, don’t cry again. You’re going to have giant dark circles and puffy eyes on prom night,”

“Fuck you, they’re not that bad” You pout, returning to your task of preparing your skin.

“By the way, do you want a ride? Jeno’s mum offered us,” Jaemin changes the topic and you can also hear shuffling and muffled voices in the back “Hey, auntie, I’m talking right now with y/n, can you say hi?”

“Oh, hi my dear!” Mrs. Lee says, giggling. Your heart warms up at the woman’s voice, her sweet image being always kept on your brain as a comforting one. “It’s been a long time since you last came to visit, right?”

“Yeah, since the beginning of the year” You nod, not registering that this was a call and no one could see you. “How are you, auntie? Are you good these days?”

“Yes!” She shouted, her voice distant from the microphone. You heard water running, so you presumed she was washing something—Maybe the dishes? “I’m proud and very emotional today, you see. I remember taking watch over you, Jaemin-ah and Jeno when you were just children playing in the park, and today, you’re going to prom”

“Ah, yeah, auntie! About that, I was just convincing her to go to prom with us” Jaemin adds, and you can see his scheming face from miles away

“Oh, that’s right, dear!” Mrs. Lee agrees, the water dying down and her voice much closer this time. “Jeno told me your parents were in Japan this week, so we can take you and the boys. I will take a lot of photos, don’t worry!” She giggles and you smile

“Are you sure I won’t be a problem? I don’t want to intrude” You say shyly

“Nonsense!” Mrs. Lee assures, her tone indicating there was no other option “It’s always good to see you, honey. Don’t tell Jeno, but I love you more than I love my own son~”

“What about me~~?” Jaemin whines, making you both chuckle.

“At this point, I think you’re like our adopted son” Mrs. Lee muses out loud “Well, anyways, it’s been good to talk to you. I need to iron Jeno’s clothes, so we can speak later~ Ah, Jaemin, can you go bang on the bathroom’s door? Jeno’s taking too long on the shower!”

You chuckle as Mrs. Lee’s voice starts to fade in the background, the male probably walking off to the bathroom. Chenle and Jisung continue to bicker about PUBG, and right now, your heart is unexpectedly warm and fuzzy, unlike the feeling of emptiness you had until some hours ago.

“Yah, Park Jisung, how could you miss that shot?!”

“He was moving!”

“HE WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!”

You and Jaemin snicker, amused with the duo’s antics. At some point, Chenle’s words became slurred enough for you to not understand his chinese accent, while Jisung kept making strange and confused noises. You hear some shuffling on Jaemin’s end, background voices, and something that seems like Jaemin taking off his headphones.

“Are you on the server?” You recognize Jeno’s voice and you suppress the urge to scream in everyone’s ears just to annoy him.

“Yeah? Why?” You doze off for a bit, staring at the wall in front of you expressionless. You don’t understand what Jeno says next, only waking up from your daydream when the Jaemin says “Hey, I’ll have to go now, and it’s better if the kids also start to get ready for prom too.”

“I’m not a kid anymore” Jisung mutters, and you can imagine the pout on his lips even if you don’t actually see it.

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that—” Jaemin snorts, “Anyways, y/n, I’ll text you later whenever we’re picking you up or if it’s better to come here to Jeno’s house”

“Tell them I said hi!” You hear Jeno scream and a smile pops up on your face without even realizing it.

“Jeno said he hates all of you” Jaemin lies shamelessly, and you hear the other boy screaming at him while he laughs his ass off. “Whatever, bye!”

The party was mesmerizing.

You weren’t going to lie, you’d thought the school wouldn’t spend this much effort on prom, judging by the ex-students that graduated last year, who said the school barely paid any effort on decorating the hall. But his year, they seemed to be redeeming themselves for their previous mistake.

There was an elegant chandelier hanging from the ceiling right in the entrance, each shard reflecting a different light in the walls that made you mesmerized. The hall was decorated in golden tones, giving the ambient a luxurious vibe that really made everything feel like you were finally entering adulthood. Each table had a delicate flower arrangement with candles, which honestly, made you flabbergasted.

The moment your eyes laid on the dancing floor, you felt an inexplicable unease deep down in your stomach. The lights were perfect, the DJ contracted by the school had only played good songs in the short five minutes you were in the party, and everything was absolutely flawless, so why were you upset?

“Do you miss him too?” Donghyuck’s quiet voice snaps you out of your trance, only then that both of you were frozen right in the entrance, where everyone was taking their pictures. You eye Chenle and Jisung, both going ahead, already saving a table for all of you. Their fancy tuxedo contrasted with their green and pink hair, making a funny sight overall.

“Stop talking like Mark is dead” Jeno laughs weakly, elbowing him. Renjun had his eyes lost in the view, obviously, head flying over the skies. It didn’t need a genius to guess what was going on inside his head.

“It feels incomplete” Renjun mutters, and you swear you saw his eyes watering. You purse your lips and look away, already feeling the emotions wanting to pour out. “I mean, we started as eight. Why are we ending with only seven?”

“Actually, we started with six— Chenle and Jisung are younger, even if we forget that sometimes” Jaemin shrugs off and Renjun rolls his eyes.

“You know what I meant, don’t try to be funny!” Renjun snarls, making grabby hands at Jaemin, wanting to choke him.

“Well, let’s stop this depressing conversation. I miss Mark, but it’s really lame if we end in ugly tears right on prom night.” You finally say, taking a deep breath. To try to lighten up the mood, you smile teasingly “Ah, by the way, my mascara is waterproof, but I’m not sure about the rest of my makeup, so you fuckers better behave!”

“Won’t promise anything,” Donghyuck chuckles and you slightly slap him. He runs his hand through his hair, making a mess on top of his head, but you had to admit that he looked good that way “We have a show to do, right? Let’s do this, so we’re free to drink”

“They have drinks here?” Jeno raises his eyebrow, surprised. Hyuck smirks knowingly, a shit eating grin that you knew too well.

“Nah, I brought them” He snorted, and you couldn’t help but to laugh along. Chenle and Jisung came back, the latter without his blazer, as he used it to mark the table you were taking as occupied. At the sight of them, Hyuck smiles and raises his fist to the center, nudging everyone to form a circle. “Let’s do a cheer, hm?”

“Who will lead this time?” You can’t help but ask, a bittersweet feeling taking over your emotions. You observe quietly as they gaze at each other’s faces, silently debating who was the most proper one to take the honor.

“You should take this one, noona,” Jisung says after seconds of silence, making you widen your eyes in surprise.

“What?”

“I agree,” Jeno nods approvingly, a proud smile on his face that you don’t quite understand. He exchanges glances with Jaemin, who has a similar expression on his face, and you can’t help but to feel left out of some hidden information both of them have. “It’s only right. The one to lead the cheer has to be some type of leader, and you fit that profile.”

“Ah, fuck” You raise your face suddenly, looking up to the ceiling and wiping tiny tears from the corner of your eyes. Your voice wavers a bit and you hear the boys laugh fondly, a tiny smile also appearing on your lips. “I said I wasn’t going to cry now, why the fuck are you guys making it so difficult for me?” You whine, sounding more like a crybaby than teenager-slash-adult.

“C’mon, let’s end this properly, right?” Renjun laughs and you feel his hand resting on your shoulder, squeezing it softly. You gulp, taking another deep breath and extending your fist alongside the other ones. Your hand is slightly smaller than theirs, but the image of them forming a circle is something you’ll certainly hold deep in your heart for a long time.

“Yo, Dream!”

“Jjeoreo! Juja! Fighting!”

“1, 2, 3… Testing, 1, 2, 3” You send Chenle a pointed look, but the boy just giggles cheekily. You shake your head, smiling with his antics, and you take your sweet time to adjust the microphone stand to your height.

The lights dim slowly, until nothing could be seen upstage. You sigh, closing your eyes for a second and allowing yourself to take in all the things. Every student’s expectant gaze, some school staff and buffet staff who were also enjoying the moment and the weight of the future on your shoulders. All the uncertainty and fears you held deep inside your chest, along with the unsaid feelings for someone who was out of reach.

For three minutes and forty seven seconds, you let go of all of that.

“As the world I’m heading towards and matching up to is getting bigger, it makes me feel an emptiness somehow”

“As if solving up the scattered pieces, we are matching up our stories. Inside the empty spot in my heart, there’s a piece called you taking place”

“You’re my missing puzzle piece, finally I solved it. You filled every piece of my heart even the scarred part of it to the fullest and somehow, you’ve become my everything. My missing puzzle piece”

“The fact that I have a flaw, the truth that I am imperfect. All of it makes me feel small. But in between those gaps, we can fill one another with it, so I don’t even realized that it was empty”

“More than having everything, not losing that one thing is more important. Through you, I came to know that”

“You’re my missing puzzle piece, very dazzling, it becomes one scene inside the world that I’ve been trying to put together alone. Like the hands that are interlocking tight together, because without you, it can’t be completed, so that we won’t lose each other, my missing puzzle piece”

The performance runs smoothly, your voices complementing each other in beautiful harmonies. You pour all of your emotions into each part, feeling like you’re letting go of a burden. When the music ends, you feel slightly lost, but at the same time, as if you’d never lose your direction in the future.

"Thank you, the music club, for this heartwarming performance." The principal says as you leave the stage with a bow. He clears his throat to continue with his speech "Friendships like yours are beautiful and incredibly rare, so I advise you, young ones, to treasure all the tiny moments you spend with each of your friends. High School is the first time you came in contact with a bit of the adult world. And sadly, High School probably is the last time you're still able to be a kid freely, to live without worrying about responsibilities. From now on, you're adults. You're responsible for every action and every decision you take, being them wrong or rightful ones. You're free to choose whatever path you want to pursue in your life, and which ones you will want to have with you in your journey. Hard times will come— but don't forget everything you lived until now. It's okay to lean on your family and friends when things become too heavy to handle alone. Hold each other close, and I'll assure you, you're going to be fine"

You can't help but to feel touched by the principal's words. The corners of your lips curve upwards and you take a quick glance through the faces of your friends, memorizing them in your mind.

"Okay, now I'm skipping the cheesy part. I'm sure no one wants to hear the long speech I prepared about college and responsibilities anyway" The principal fumbles with his papers comically, erupting a roar from the crowd. He smiles satisfied. "Now, for the interesting part you all waited for! For years now, our school keeps the tradition of choosing a king and a queen to prom. Now, I'm inviting our dear Mrs. Park to come up to the stage to help me announce who is the charming couple who will receive the title of king and queen!"

"Hello, our dear graduates!" Mrs. Park cheered, the happiest you have ever seen her in your life. "As you know, the voting took place one week ago in the end of day at school, and today, we will have the pleasure of meeting our most loved couple—"

You tune her out, the principal’s speech still lingering in your head and making your thoughts run a hundred miles per second. The party’s walls felt too suffocating, almost as if they were closing on you, and you knew you couldn’t stay there for much longer.

“Are you okay?” Jaemin whispered, his hand squeezing your shoulder comfortably. You sighed, shaking your head

“Yeah,” You said, your voice wavering and clearly stating that even you weren’t sure “I just need some fresh air”

“Alright” He nods, tapping lazily on your head. You take that as a good sign and you flee your group discreetly. You pass the golden arch by the side entrance, admiring silently the shiny decoration that made the hall look ten times more illuminated than it really was.

When you finally cross security and find somewhere more private, you’re at some kind of garden. It’s not fully in the open, as you can see the tall walls that limit the building, but it’s a nice spot to admire the night sky. The first thing you notice is the chilly air— You clearly remember the weather being warmer when you were outside, so you guess that the sun fully setting was enough to make the temperature drop.

The stars are bright in the sky. They twinkle at you, and for a second, you think that they’re trying to pass a hidden message to you. Strangely, you feel your shoulders relax, releasing all the tension you built for the past minutes just by being with the comforting presence of stars. You close your eyes, breathing deeply and taking a few seconds to calm down the flood of anxious thoughts that invaded your mind.

“Oh, you’re here”

You go blank. You feel frozen in place, your entire body refusing to move a single muscle. Your eyes are wide open and you feel like you’re not physically able to turn your neck, almost as if there was something on it preventing you from looking behind you. That something was anxiety, you soon realize, ready to cry on the spot.

Your lower lip starts to tremble and you feel thousands of different emotions burning in your chest, ready to burst at any moment. Taking a deep inhale, you shyly turn your head, afraid that the voice was just a cruel prank of destiny.

“Mark” His name leaves your lips along with all the air in the lungs. You don’t cry— You were shocked enough to make all brain power short circuit completely.

Mark Lee stood in all his glory, right here, right now. Less than three steps of distance. In Seoul, not in Vancouver, like you were thinking until a minute ago. You were sure this was an image you would be able to see only in your dreams, but somehow, you were living the real thing, seeing Mark Lee attend the school’s prom. His dark hair was styled handsomely, parted exactly in the middle and showing his forehead for the entire world to see. He wore a black suit, his blazer left open lazily showing off the navy tie and the white blouse under it.

“What— Mark—” You gasp, the words losing themselves in your throat, “Weren’t you supposed to be in Canada right now? What the—”

“Hm?” He raises his eyebrows in surprise, and you’re more confused than ever “Didn’t Jaemin and Jeno tell you?”

“Tell me what?” You shriek, almost screaming on the spot. Mark chuckles at your reaction, making that annoying, warm feeling bubble up again. He takes a timid step forward, so you’re face to face, an arm's distance from him. You hear a tiny voice in the back saying that you were dreaming— Maybe you were still in bed, probably in deep slumber, that was the only fucking way—

“There was a problem in our plane,” He starts explaining, doe eyes never leaving yours. His stare slightly overwhelms you. It’s full of unsaid feelings and memories, and you’re afraid of what will change if you admit your own feelings. “I got one more day until the next flight, so here I am"

"Wow…" You say, not being able to think of anything else to express yourself out loud while trying to understand what the fuck was happening. Mark smirks, amused with your shocked expression and lack of words. "Why didn't you say that sooner? Oh fuck, wait, you said that Jaemin and Jeno already knew? What the actual fuck— Why did you get late? Well, I'm not complaining, since you're here when I actually thought that I would never see you again because you were going to stay with your family and there was no guarantee that you would actually come back, and if you even came back to Korea how was I supposed to deal with— Oof"

Mark efficiently shuts you up by bringing you to his chest by the shoulders, your face hitting his body gently in a hug. He is chuckling fondly, and you note (quite embarrassingly, if you were to add) that you can feel the way his heart beating fast because you were leaning directly on his chest.

"Calm down, you're hyperventilating" He whispers in your ear, making a chill run down your spine. Again, you have to actively remind yourself to breathe properly. You take in his scent, burying your nose in his collarbone, and you feel his fingers tracing random patterns over the fabric of your dress. "Well, for starters, I was in the airport since midnight— The flight was supposed to be at 2am, but it was delayed to 4am. After that, they delayed again to 6am, and then to 8am. At that point, my parents were pissed and decided to speak with some manager, and he said he was sorry and that he could reschedule us into a first class that was going to leave tomorrow, so boom! Here we are,"

"That's great—" You choke out. Mark's face softens and he removes one of his hands in your waist to carefully wipe something in your face. Shit, were you crying? "Ah, shit, I had a bet with Jisung that I wouldn't cry today. You're making it really hard for me, Mark Lee!" You whine, and the boy just chuckles.

"I guess I'm sorry?" He smiled sheepishly. "By the way, I called Jeno and Jaemin his afternoon after a good nap and told them. Didn't they tell you?"

"No!" A pout appears on your face. You sigh, wrapping your hands in Mark's waist and burying your head again in his collarbone. For some reason, you really liked the smell of his cologne. "Can I murder them?"

"Nah, at least hear their reasons first. Then you can do whatever you want" He shrugs off. You hear the music booming inside the hall and you don't even notice when Mark starts swinging around lazily. "By the way, you don't have to worry too much, okay? It sounds bad if I word it like this, but I'll be back from Canada in no time"

"Are you implying that your grandma—"

"Damn, I already said that it isn't like that!" He whines, making you chuckle. He sighs deeply, leaning his chin on the top of your head. "I mean, I don't plan on staying in Canada for too long. Even if my parents decide to stay back there, I'm still coming to Korea after all the mess finally gets finished. My whole life is here, after all"

"...whole life…?" You repeat, leaning your head back so you can stare at Mark's dark eyes directly. He blushes, a shy smile appearing on his lips

"Yeah," You smile at him, your chest covered in warmth despite the chill weather "I grew up here in South Korea. I might be born in Canada, but what Vancouver has to offer is absolutely no match for what I already have in Seoul. You and the other kids"

You don't say anything, although it is more like, you can't think of anything good enough to express what you're feeling right now. Mark breathes deeply and his face changes to something more serious. He breaks the hug gently, instead, going for your hands and taking them in his own.

"Y'know, five nights ago, when I told you I was going to go back, I said that I wasn't going to say anything," He shakes his head, as if reviving a memory "I told myself that it would be too selfish to burden you with my feelings and to go away for months or years, with no predictions of when I was going to come back."

"I already knew, tho" You reveal shyly, staring at your connected hands. "Your feelings, I mean"

"Yeah, I'm not the best when it comes to hiding them—" Mark laughs and you chuckle, raising your head to look directly at him again. "Anyway, that night, when I left your house, I felt horrible. You know, those anxious thoughts? I didn't know anymore if I was sure of what I was doing. For one part, I want to see you happy, more than anything in the world. Even if that happiness lies with another person, that would be okay for me as long you were happy and satisfied. But the other half of me is selfish— What if I had lost my chance? What if I messed things up? What if the long time really tears us apart?"

"It won't" You assure weakly, gripping his hands more firmly. He nods, agreeing with you.

"Those were like, 3 am insecure thoughts." He clarifies, "I was going to leave without saying anything, I swear. But this plane problem came up, and fuck, call me stupid or any shit like that, but I feel like it's a sign? Like, really, what are the chances that something happens exactly like this?"

"Maybe the airport manager is some kind of angel?" You joke, making him chuckle with you.

"Yeah, maybe" He takes a deep breath before returning to his monologue "So, fuck everything I thought was right until like, a night ago. I'm going to be really selfish, and I'm really sorry for it, but... I love you. I don't know how, or when it happened, but I love every part of you, no matter how much you dislike them."

"Mark—"

"No, please, let me say everything at once, okay?" He pleads. You nod, letting him have his moment "I realized it too late. All the protectiveness over the whole Hyunjin thing, I thought it was a normal thing to feel as friends, because the other kids also hated him— But there was a moment that everything clicked, and I was like, fuck, I really like her, and then, it was like a switch being activated. I started seeing everything from a different point of view and slowly it came to me why I wasn't upset about Kang Mina back then. It was never her, y'know? There is such a big difference between the things I thought I felt for her and the things I actually feel for you— Wait, why are you crying again?"

Mark pauses his speech, looking at you bewildered. You sniff loudly, the tears pooling on the corner of your eyes, and you shake your head.

"It's just—" You look upwards overwhelmed, trying to reduce your tears "Sorry, this feels too much like a dream and a nightmare at the same time. I'm scared of what I feel about you— I'm scared that I'll love you too much, and then you'll end up leaving"

"I'm sorry" Mark's face falls and he has guilt written all over his eyes. "I'm being extremely selfish right now"

"No, no, it's okay" You reassure quickly, shaking your head, "I'm just a crybaby, as usual.. Ah, is my makeup fucked up right now?" You chuckle nervously, trying to change the tense mood.

“It’s a bit smudgy here, but you’re still pretty” He says, his thumb wiping the corner of your eyes with so much care that you feel like you’re going to melt under his touch. You take a deep breath, locking your own eyes with his and forcing yourself to maintain them there

“Look, I don’t know if I made it clear enough, but…I do like you—” You shake your head at your own words “No, wait, I think it’s safe to say that I love you at this point. I feel like I’m about to combust every single time, and I lowkey hate it, because at the same time you make me feel funny inside and also trigger a lot of anxious thoughts— Those aren’t your fault, of course, but they still happen every once in a while”

“What are you worried about?” His voice is quiet, almost as if he was stepping on eggshells. You’re again, reminded that Mark Lee was one of the sweetest and most caring boys you’ve ever met, and that he was worried about you.

“I feel like I’m not enough. Like, hell, you’re fucking Mark Lee and I’m just same, old, me” Your voice cracks painfully “Jeno was right— I think I have some abandonment issues, and lowkey speaking, I think I’m a big burden to carry around, even more if you’re going to the other side of the globe in less than one day”

“You’re not a burden” He is quick to counter, his grip on your hand making a good job on grounding you to reality. “Having abandonment issues or not, you’re still you at the end of the day. I think I already said this before, but I love every single part of you, even the bad ones that come around. I’m not going to leave you behind for anything in this world— Fuck, I don’t think I would be able to live with myself if I did that”

“...” You’re speechless, feeling the urge to cry, but also not wanting to ruin what was left of your makeup. Your nose scrunches into a cute pout and Mark lets out a soft chuckle at your funny expression.

“If you’re up to it… I think we could try something?” His voice wavers, slightly hesitant. “You don’t have to feel pressured to agree, of course! It’s just that— I want you to know that I’m willing to wait until we can be together properly. That I won’t meet anyone else, because you’re the one that—”

“Yeah, it’s a good idea.” You cut Mark’s ramblings, a small smile appearing on your lips. His shoulders relax immediately, relieved that he didn’t make a fool of himself. You stood in a comfortable silence, taking your time to process all of the information that was dumped on you in the last fifteen minutes. Mark suddenly gasps and looks at you with wide eyes

“Holy shit, does that mean that now we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” He squeaks, making you raise your eyebrows at him amusedly

“You were the one who asked!” You can’t help but to tease him, finding extremely cute how his cheekbones moved around in his many expressions

“Oh yeah, right,” He mutters to himself. “Does that mean that I can kiss you? I mean, now that we’re boyfriend and—”

You raise yourself on your toe tips, your hands cupping Mark's cheeks and bringing his face closer, connecting your lips and efficiently shutting him up. It feels strangely like a bunch of fireworks being set off in your chest, with sparks of electricity running in your body by every second. Mark's lips are soft, perfect against your own. All of his previous awkwardness disappears in question of seconds, as he pulls you by your hips against him, your own hand moving from his cheeks to the back of his head, messing with his hair mindlessly. His tongue is the first to ask entrance in your mouth, and you part your lips without second thoughts just to feel his tongue clashing directly against yours in sync.

The kiss breaks off with your lungs burning, both of your breaths heavy, but that doesn't stop you from giving one last affectionate peck on his lips before backing down with your feet fully on the ground. You give him a bright smile, not paying any attention to how you feel your entire face and neck burning, focused only on Mark Lee and how your heart feels like it's going to burst out of your rib cage soon.

"That was… great," His smile makes his entire cheekbones go upwards, exposing some cute dimples on their way. He looks at you like you're his entire world, and for a second, you're lost in the way his eyes twinkle, almost if they are lost brothers of the shiny stars in the night sky. He leans his head towards you again, his forehead against yours and eyes staring at your soul. His left hand goes to his blazer pocket, taking a red pendrive from it and offering to you.

"What is this?" You take it, fingers carefully touching the device as if they were some kind of lost treasure. Mark grins at you.

"It's called Dear Dream, actually—"

“MARK FUCKING LEE, HOW DARE YOU”

You let out a high pitched scream, feeling someone throw all their weight on top of you, almost making you lose your balance and fall down if it wasn't for Mark and his spidey-sense reflex, supporting you with his arm behind you.

"LEE DONGHYUCK, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

You finally come down to earth after near death experience— Is your heart still beating? Just to be sure, you put your palm on your chest, feeling the unsteady beats combine with the deep breaths. Donghyuck has one arm around you, and another in Mark's shoulders, crocodile tears on his face. You see Renjun running through the entrance, screaming something at the other boy, Chenle and Jisung after him with some big smiles and Jaemin and Jeno at the back, grinning like some twisted version of proud parents™

"You absolutely fucking bastard! How dare you?!" Hyuck shrieks, and you take a step back just to make sure you're not caught in the crossfire, however, you don't let go of Mark's right hand. "I come to make sure y/n hasn’t killed herself and suddenly you appear out of nowhere?! What the fuck— I'm feeling extremely betrayed right now what the hell"

"Hyung!" Jisung exclaims, wide eyed "What are you doing here?"

"None of you actually know?" Mark gasps, glaring at Jeno and Jaemin, both of them shrugging off "What— I thought I asked you two to deliver the news?"

"Nah, too much work." Jaemin smirks innocently, making his best to show puppy eyes to be let off the hook. "We were like, debating if we should let the crybabies know, because it would be really cool if we were drowning in tears in one moment and in the next— boom! Mark Lee is fucking back! Oh, no, not actually back, but you got the hang of it"

"What do you mean crybaby?" Hyuck whines, still clutching Mark as if he was afraid of letting him go. "I'm not a crybaby, what are you saying? I’m suing you for spreading wrong rumors about my cold, totally devoid of emotions—"

"You're crying" Chenle deadpans, an amused smile decorating his face.

"Besides, it was a nice surprise, wasn't it?" Jeno grins sheepishly, his hands buried deep in his pockets. "The plan worked— Hyuck is crying, y/n is crying, Jisung is trying to disguise his tears but we all saw it anyway and Injunnie is crying somewhere deep inside!"

"I cried a lot and ruined all of my makeup, I hope you're proud," You sniff bitterly, making everyone laugh at your miss fortune. You feel Mark's thumb caressing the back of your hand fondly.

"Donghyuck has the worst timing ever, I swear to god—" Renjun rolls his eyes, glaring at said boy who whines again in response. You feel the heat going back to your cheeks, suddenly shy under the knowing gazes of your friends

"I dunno what you're talking about?" You pout childishly, hoping that they save you from all the teasing and embarrassment, but of course they won't.

"Good try, our dear y/nnie!" Renjun smirks at you, finding amusement on how your cheeks redden up, along with Mark's neck turning a slight pink colour. "But well, you see, Mark has his lips tinted in red, and he hasn't let go of your hand since we found you two— So tell me, are you finally together after all this time of simping for each other like some kind of dumb Disney movie?"

"Fuck you Renjun," Mark sighs, earning another laugh from the dreamies. He raises your connected hands in the air, showing them to the world, and you watch with a dumb smile as your friends' faces lighten up one by one until all of them have that same genuine smile.

"It happened?" Jisung mutters rhetorically, awestruck. You feel your eyes water with all those overwhelming emotions, but you limit yourself to a simple nod, curving your lips upward. Mark smiles shyly, not answering the youngest with words, but rather with actions. He gives you a light peck on the top of your head, proud with how their faces soften.

"I'm happy for you. You deserve someone good, hm? Not that our Markie is the bestest example, but c'mon, he's at least decent!" Donghyuck says teasingly, letting go of Mark to envelop you in a bear hug with a little laugh, his hand messing with your hair. You nod against him, not trusting yourself to come up with a verbal response, "I still hate Mark for not telling us earlier that he was coming to prom, but I guess that everything ended well, so perhaps we can forgive him, right?"

"Yeah," You chuckle, amused with Hyuck's antics and your boyfriend's absolutely done expression.

Boyfriend, hm? That sounded good in your ears.

"Hey, now that we sorted this mess, let's go inside" Jeno pleads, sighing. "We're kinda losing the whole point of prom being outside like this—"

You hum in agreement and all of you set off to go back inside, your hand finding Mark's one naturally as you match each other's pace. He suddenly stops, clearing his throat and successfully gaining the attention of everyone.

"Hey guys, let's do this" His voice is firm, confident. You send him a confused look, but he just smiles proudly at all of you. "Yo, dream!"

it's all flooding back, this is only one part

this is just a bit, believe this is our bookmark

we were swept away by the current so naturally

but i don't want this to sound like

we're about to depart

if i ever get lost

i won't turn to dust

i'mma call back,

don't forget my tone

whenever you shout out like we used to

hope we always feel like,

“Let´s do it! Fighting!”

#nct #nct dream #mark lee #renjun #jeno #haechan #jaemin #chenle #jisung #nct angst #nct fluff #nct x reader #huang renjun #lee jeno #lee donghyuck #na jaemin #zhong chenle #park jisung

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zootopiathingz · 4 years

Text

I’ve seen other headcanons for the PnF characters when they’re older so uhh here’s mine for the Flynn-Fletcher siblings (feel free to add your own!:3)

The boys end up outgrowing Candace cause she stops at 5”8 (her canon height), Phineas is about 5”10-ish while Ferb is the tallest at at least 6”1.

Candace tries to set Ferb up with Vanessa when he’s old enough and even gives him advice because she’s friends with her.

During the first week Candace is gone for college, Phineas sleeps in her room because he misses her so much.

Aggressive smash bros battles. Candace usually loses but on the rare occasion she wins, she rubs it in their faces for days (she doesn’t know that they let her win lol)

Ferb is able to carry both Phineas and Candace over his shoulders like it’s nothing.

We know Ferb talks more when he’s older but I like to think he talks the most around his siblings because he just feels more comfortable around them.

Whenever the boys have long weekends off from school Candace lets them stay with her at her apartment (she lives with Jeremy, but he loves having them over)

At the beginning of every summer they have a prank war, Ferb usually wins because they don’t know what to expect from him. Candace ends up forfeiting half the time.

Candace gets married to Jeremy at 24-25 years old, they elope and only invite Phineas, Ferb, Suzy (who obviously isn’t a brat anymore), and Stacy.

PHINEAS AND FERB WALK HER DOWN THE AISLE!!

During family reunions, they usually just hang out with each other.

When Linda ‘lectures’ them about whatever, Candace makes silly faces at the boys to help lighten the mood (when Linda isn’t look ofc)

Ferb and Candace spy on Phineas when he’s on his first date with Isabella to make sure things go smoothly. Phineas knows they’re there because their disguises aren’t that great.

^At the end of the date, Candace screams “JUST KISS HER ALREADY STUPID!!”

Lots of inside jokes, mostly roasting each other for no reason.

Sometimes they stay up really late and end up falling asleep on the couch, and when Linda finds them in the morning she takes pictures because they just look so cute.

When Candace has a really bad period, they spoil her like crazy (buying her candy, giving shoulder massages, watching YouTube videos with her, etc)

Awesome photoshoots.

They don’t see much of Candace for her first year of college so when she comes to visit they get really excited and practically tackle her to the ground to hug her (without hurting her ofc)

Candace plans their weddings.

“Your mama so stupid she—” “We have the same mom, dumbass” (who says what is up to the imagination lol)

Candace insults them a lot but if she hears anyone else calling them losers she will literally bitch slap them, no one messes with her little bros except her.

Mario kart tournaments are brutal.

^Phineas always picks Mario, Ferb always picks Bowser, and Candace is always, ALWAYS Rosalina and if she’s not, she won’t play.

Phineas and Ferb are the first to know when Candace is pregnant (aside from Jeremy obviously) and they get really excited for her.

Candace always asks them to babysit for her cause she trusts them more than their parents lol.

Whenever Candace gets sad, she looks at the mug they gave her to cheer herself up.

Phineas will get really, really depressed sometimes and Ferb and Candace are always the ones to comfort him.

Getting on each other’s shoulders to scare off people that bother them

Candace makes fun of them when their voices start to change (especially their voice cracks because who wouldn’t laugh at that)

Phineas telling them he likes Isabella would go like “hey I think I have a crush on her” and Ferb and Candace just look at him like “no shit dude”

When Phineas and Ferb are freshmen they have moments when they feel stressed so Candace tells them embarrassing stories about herself from her HS days to cheer them up.

Candace lets them have a sip whenever she drinks (she doesn’t pressure them she’s just like “hey you guys want some beer?” and at first they’re like “um no thanks” but eventually they go “Eh why not”)

Sneaking out at 3 in the morning just to get ice cream from McDonald’s.

When one of them has a breakdown the other two are always there to help them, but depending on who it is it’s done in different ways (ex for Candace they try to take her mind off of it and make jokes so she’ll laugh, for Phineas they actually talk it out since his problem is usually suppressing his feelings, for Ferb they stay quiet and just let him talk about it and take his time, sometimes the silence helps him)

Lots of hugs and cuddles.

At Ferb’s wedding, Phineas and Candace cry a lot and he gets really embarrassed by it. Like “guys please stop you said you wouldn’t do this” kind of embarrassed.

Saying goodbye to each other after a visit takes a full hour and even then they’re hesitant to leave.

#phineas and ferb #pnf #headcanon #phineas flynn #ferb fletcher #candace flynn #sibling love #wholesome #act your age #pnf headcanon

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happyclown · 4 years

Photo

❝ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐒𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐖𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐬 ❞

she needs someone to tell her that it’s okay to be sad. someone who will hold her hand when she’s crying. someone who will listen to her rant about her favorite movies. someone kind. someone who makes her not want to let go of their hand (unless it’s sweaty ew gross).

Clary Wiggins is looking for someone who’s willing to teach her how to properly love someone with passion and kindness.

𝐒𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐬’ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐭 │ 𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐭 │ 𝐏𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐁𝐨𝐚𝐫𝐝

𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞, 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟.

𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞: Clarissa Margo Wiggins 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲/𝐀𝐠𝐞: 03/20/1995 — 25 years old 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐬: Moon Elf 𝐇𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭: 5′8 𝐒𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Pansexual 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫/𝐏𝐫��𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐬: Female — She/Her 𝐎𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐆𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤: Magizoologist

𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬:

1. 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐲 — a shortened form of her name; everyone calls her this. 2. 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐁𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 — her granny’s fave and only nickname for her.

𝐅𝐮𝐧 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐓𝐢𝐝𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐬:

1. “I have two fur kids and they’re both exhausting.” — Being a magizoologist, Clary has taken in many animals to rehabilitate them and then release them back into the wild; but sometimes, that doesn’t always happen. She has two derpy companions: Cricket the Caracal & Percy (Percival) the Fox. She loves both of them very dearly. They follow her everywhere.

2. “What is love truly like? Seriously.”— After getting dumped, Clary has basically put love and relationships off the table. When she was with her ex, she had fallen out of love with them a while back, but clung to the relationship as a safety net for comfort. When her ex dumped her, they told her that they knew the spark was gone. Both of them were clinging to a relationship that was going nowhere.

3. “Butterflies??”— Clary knew that her past relationship was going nowhere, but she can be a creature of habit sometimes. She liked the comfort of having person by her side. In the end though, her ex was better off as a friend than a romantic partner. Clary has never really felt “butterflies” for anyone in her previous relationships. They were all relationships of convenience and proximity. Now that she’s single, she’s been reflecting back on them realizing how passive she’s been. She’s scared she won’t ever find someone who makes her feel butterflies.

4. “They are the ones that saved me.”— Clary likes to think that helping animals was always her calling. She can’t see herself doing anything else. When she was younger, she found a lot of comfort in animals books and her favorite plushies. Her father was also a well known magizoologist so she grew up taking care of animals. Her work comes before anything else; well maybe except her family lol.

5. “Omg this is my song!!”— If there is one thing Clary loves more than animals and her family, it’s dancing. If she hears a good tune, she can’t help but move her body. Sometimes if it’s too good of a tune, she’ll start busting out moves. She’s the type to dance in the middle of the supermarket if she hears a good song come on. She can dance to literally anything.

6. “Are you a robot or something?”— Clary is good at many things: her job, being a decent person, and much more. Her only weakness is that she hates showing her emotions. She doesn’t like showing any negative emotions to people because it feels strange to tell people, “hey i’m like super sad and got my ass dumped like a month ago. oh sorry too much?”. In her department, she is considered to be the standard for many of the other magizoologists there. She’s so afraid of making a mistake that she works herself to death. People need to tell her to chill lol.

7. “What are you doing!”— Clary is very very shy when it comes to affection. In her past relationships, it took like three months into the relationship for anything to really happen. Besides her granny, her family is not affectionate at all. She feels really awkward giving hugs. She secretly loves affection (think hand holding and soft touches), but is very nervous when it comes to initiating. It takes time to win her heart. Someone teach this girl how to love omg wtf.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

➊ 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐲? “Uhm, I’m Clary...unless there’s another Clary.”

➋ 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐲? “Uhm, once again, I’m Clary.”

➌ 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞? “I really like fun dates where you get to know the person better. Dates like having a picnic, watching movies at a drive-in theatre, exploring a museum— stuff like that is nice. I really like having quality time with people. I just want to be next to them, you know. I wanna soak up their presence and talk about stupid topics like how a cat named Stubbs was the mayor of a small town in Alaska until 2017. RIP Stubbs, I miss you buddy!”

➍ 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩? “Well, almost all of my past relationships were not great, hahaha. It was definitely me though. I have a hard time opening up to people. Some people just aren’t patient enough and get tired of me, you know. It’s sad, but hey that’s life. Anyways, I’m rambling. My ideal relationship would obviously be one where both partners are equal. I want a relationship that makes me feel giddy every time I see them. I know relationships aren’t all about romance and tender moments, but a girl can dream.”

“Besides being a hopeless romantic like myself, it would be lovely if my partner was someone who enjoyed the tiny things in life. I can be quite self-deprecating to the point it’s almost self loathing so someone who tells me to knock it off with that shit would be nice. I want someone who loves me for me, flaws and all.”

➎ 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞? “Hmm, some self introspection, huh? love that. Well, let’s see...On the outside, many people have told me that I’m very helpful and kindhearted. I love helping people. It just comes naturally. It feels strange not to be like “hey there buddy, need some help?”. Maybe it’s just me. I’m not nice all the time though, that’s just not realistic. I’m very introverted and love my alone time. I often need space from others to reflect and examine my emotions. Because of this, I have a tendency to push people away sometimes— not intentionally of course, but it happens.”

“Nobody really knows this, but I’m a total softie. I cry a lot. I think it’s because I care about people too much. I know I don’t show it on my face, but on the inside, i’m always freaking out about something. I’m a huge worry wart, it’s almost a problem. Good thing, I keep it to myself haha. I’m also someone who overthinks way too much. I’m quite erratic with my emotions, more mentally than physically.”

“At the end of the day, I’m just a worrying pushover who’s a HUGE ride or die for people. I can seem robotic at times due to my poker face, but please know I’m silently worrying about you. I have emotions. I’m more quiet around crowds, but when around close friends, I’m screaming like a banshee about who I hate the most in Tiger King.”

*For any peeps applying, you can literally copy and paste this and use it as a template.

#ahh and here she is my darling bby clary #omg cricket literally looks rendered wtf #how did i do that?!#oh geez im so nervous about this ahh #the many suitors of one clary wiggins #the many suitors #sims 4 edit #sims 4 bachelor challenge #ts4 bachelor challenge #the sims 4 bachelorette challenge #s4 bachelor challenge #s4 bc #ts4 bc challenge

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