leaving childhood friends behind in exchange for the world.
halloween, noah kahan // poem by langston hughes // shannon lee barry on instagram // a little life, hanya yanagihara // honeytuesday on tumblr // the band and i, maisie peters
Let us remember that, as we navigate through life collectively, others might be facing challenging times. Let's practice gentleness and compassion, not only toward the world around us but also towards ourselves. We are all interconnected on this beautiful planet, and it embraces us all with love, unconditionally.
"We're friends," she said, moving her hand back and forth between us. "And friends are honest with each other. Even if the truth hurts. Right?"
I would have agreed with this, but my own truth was that I really didn't know. All of this was new to me.
Yes, I'm the one who chose to walk away. I made the right choice, for once, walking away from you. For once I'm doing right by me. Maybe this is my first step into self discipline. Maybe it had to start with us. And, God willing, it WILL pay off and it WON'T be forever. But it definitely needs to be a hard and fast rule.
But here I am, the night before I leave home for good, and while I'm excited to start a new life...it isn't easy. I've been in the same house my whole life. Other than being away for school, I've been sleeping in the same BED since I was, what, three? Four? And now the bed is packed into the van and in less than 24 hours it will be all set up in my apartment. So I'm on a foam mattress on my bedroom floor. And the heartache of leaving home is hitting me so hard, and the self doubt is creeping in, and I think to myself for the billionth time in the last two and a half weeks "Man, it is so hard to not be able to go to the person I've been going to for the past four years when I feel this crappy."
Y'know how in video and computer games, you can pick up certain items and they can refill your health bar or whatever?
I wish we had a power-up pact. That when one of us hit a really really rough spot with stuff in our lives that we could reach out for a quick little jolt of support, re-energize, make that health bar jump up just enough to keep going.
Because I know that if things were how they used to be I would be messaging you right now, spilling out about how I'm getting depressive and I'm losing steam on this, and you'd immediately tell me how this is a really good choice for me, that everything will work out, and that I can do it. That I'm capable. And you'd send the little hug stickers. And I'd feel better.
You were my power-up. I'm not really doing so great without you. And I know that more than anything else is an indicator that I really needed to get away from you and unlearn this codependency...
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