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lokisprettygirl · 2 years

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Love is Selfless, It's Kind (Loki x Female Reader) (Part 30)

Summary: You come face to face with your ex-bf and you ex-bff, can the vacation be here already?

Warning : 18 + Smut, Soft baby lo

Taglist : @colifower @rinacreateart @christineblood @the-wounded-healer05 @lokiprompts @geeky-politics-46 @sharklover927 @virtualstrawberrydinosaur @huntress-artemiss

"Hi bear"

Oh the nerve, you felt rage surging through your veins, at the sound of his voice. Adam, how dare he calls you that after what he did "She's not your bear" loki glared at him as he pulled you in closer to him and Shauna looked at adam "Oh baby, that's loki, I'm a huge fan, I saw you from the distance and knew it was you" Shauna giggled, what the hell? What the hell? Loki didn't say anything, he just pulled you even closer if it was possible "Y/n, been soooo long, how are you? so you and him? Wow how did it even happen? I mean how did you even meet ?" She asked as she giggled again, what's with the giggling, does she have hots for him too, at this point you should just assume that atleast 50 percent of the world population must feel someway about him, you felt Adam's eyes on you and it made you so uncomfortable. You can't believe you used to be in love with him at one point of your life, now he just disgusts you.

You cut them both off from your life once you were done begging and crying after he cheated on you with her, you promised yourself you'd never see their faces but here they are, "Apologies, but we don't share our love story with complete strangers" loki again answered for you, he could tell you were uncomfortable, you looked at him, his jaw clenched, nose flaring, angry little bird, you mindlessly caressed his jaw line with your thumb and he relaxed as he felt your touch "But we know her very well, y/n tell him" Adam smiled at you and loki again answered for you "Oh I know all about that, I know everything" he glared at adam, and he wondered what did you ever see in that guy, he looks sleazy but then that's just how you are, you always give love even when they don't deserve it.

"This was awkward so yeah bye" you grabbed Loki's arm and starts to walk out of the parlor, and then you remembered something so you turned around "Oh! btw Shauna thanks for telling my mom about my whereabouts, couldn't help yourself huh?" You told her and she looked confused "I don't know what you're on about y/n I don't even know where your mom is or how to contact her" she laughed, she must be lying right? It really didn't matter anymore, fuck everyone. "Oh and also Adam, thanks for cheating on me, good lord if I was still with you, I wouldn't have this masterpiece" you pointed towards loki, he was trying hard to hide his smile, you shouldn't have referred to him as if he was an object but damn if he isn't a masterpiece, he's an art.

You didn't wait for even a second after that and you both walked out of the parlor, when you went inside the car, you sighed, these people are making cameo appearances like your life is a telenovella, you're so sick of it, you can't wait for this vacation to begin. He didn't know what kind of memories those two brought for you but he knew you were very annoyed and he wanted to comfort you "Come here princess" he said to you softly and instead of buckling your seat belt, you climbed up on him "Sorry I called you a masterpiece" you kissed him and he giggled, he's so cute "I am a masterpiece and I love it when you show me off like that, I am all yours, am I not?" he said to you and it made you smile, damn right he is "You're all mine my kitten"

"How do you feel sweet love" he asked as his mouth trailed over your collarbone "I'm okay lo, just annoyed" you kissed his forehead and he looked at you with his green doe eyes "Don't contemplate much okay? Focus on me" he whispered and you're wet, that deep gravely voice he used made you tingly all over "mmmm okay" you mumbled and he roamed his hands under your shirt. He used his magic to hide you two from the prying eyes, created an illusion so if someone watched from outside they would find the car empty, however sometimes you really wanted to take him in public, show everyone what you had. He unbuttoned your shirt and then your jeans, he pulled the zipper down and one of his hand snaked inside your panties, his fingers rubbing against your lips "oh lo..baby we should.." before you could finish he cut you off with his mouth, he kissed you, his other hand pulling you in by holding your head "shhhhh, focus on me sweet princess, I love you no?" he mumbled and you moaned as you bucked your hips against his palm "I love youu"

He pushed his middle finger inside your wet entrance and you moaned so sweetly for him, he's blessed, in every fucking way, his heart still hurt though, why wouldn't you want to spend a long lifetime with him? You both could spend eons like this, so crazy about each other, making each other so happy, you wouldn't even have to worry about having kids anytime soon, as much as he wants a little piece of you and him running around, he wants to keep you and your attention solely to himself for years to come, but it's not possible if you're just a mortal, why would you love him so immensely and then leave him all alone to fend for himself? How could you give him such a beautiful life and then take it from him.

"Lo babyyy, can we..umm" you stutter and he snaps out of his thoughts, his finger was still inside you, pumping in and out slowly "what do you need my love, tell me" he whispered as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear "fuck me in the backseat?" You ask him and it didn't even take you both more than thirty seconds to get in the backseat "No you on the seat, I'm going to ride you" you said sternly and he lied down somehow, the seat was too small for his 6 feet+ frame but he managed, it felt really cosy.

You unbuttoned his pants and pulled it down, didn't want to ruin it with your juices, you both had to go back to the tower afterall, you stroked his semi hard cock in your fist and he moaned so loud that you were thankful for the magic now, how can someone be so pretty? He's a god maybe that's why, you can't comprehend that kind of ethereal beauty in just a normal man, you sat on top of his cock, and pushed him in deep inside you slowly. He kept his eyes on you, watching each n every movement, you leaned down and peppered him in sloppy kisses "You have no idea how pretty you look underneath me do you ?" You asked him and he blushed as he shook his head in no, you saw those deep rosy sheen adorning his cheeks so beautifully.

"So pretty baby, prettiest ever" you mumbled as you gyrated your hips front to back, that earned you a sweet soft whimpery moan from him "Am I the prettiest?" He asked you and you wanted to ruin him so bad right now "You are baby, especially in your jotun form, oh now I miss the ice baby" you start to hop up n down slowly, he would turn but he would rip his clothes and damage his car in the process and your cunt too. "Your Ice baby misses you too princess, I'm just trying to not destroy everything" you giggle as you hear him, he's perfect in every sense of the word. The sounds of his moans and groans mixed with yours, he feels so good, always, but sometimes he feels so good you feel like you will combust if he's not any closer than this, how can you miss him even when he's right inside you?

"Norns, princess, take it baby, take my cock, take my cum, you need it right, take everything you need sweetheart" he mumbled and sobbed as he bucked his hips, trying to match your rhythm, pushing his cock even deeper. Everytime he calls you baby it does something to you, such a basic term of endearment but coming from him it sounds so sweet, you increased your pace and you could feel him twitching inside you, he was close and you needed him to explode "Mmm little kitten?" You called out his name and he looked at you "cum inside me now please" and he did, he would do whatever you ask him to, whenever you want him to, if you'd ask him to jump from a cliff, he would do it with a blindfold on, that's how much he trusts you, he knows you won't let him fall or get hurt, that's how much he loves you.

Once you both come undone, You pull him up and hug him so tightly, you wiped the residues of sweat from his forehead as you kissed him, you put your head on top of his, feeling his warm panting breaths on your skin, "just so beautiful" you mumbled, he's so good looking you feel so inferior sometimes, especially now when you can see your belly sticking out, maybe you should start working out again "I'm getting plumpy" you giggled and he raised his eyebrows "Plumpy?" He asked and you kept his hand on your belly "Chubby" you whispered, your voice so low it made him sad, does he not make you feel beautiful like you do for him? "What's wrong with that as long as you're vigorous? More to love, more to kiss, more to hug" he mumbled and you teared up, you can't deal with his thoughtfulness sometimes, never in your life you imagined that you'd ever be loved like this, you pull him in for a heated kiss, when you finally let go he's all breathless with a smile on his face. Prettiest.

When you both reached the tower, you took a shower together and then the mandatory snuggles ensued. Tomorrow you'll have to pack for the trip, so your day is planned out. When you woke up next morning you found a note by the bedside, loki was out with others for an avengers thingy. You called him and he said he would be back soon but it might take hours also. You showered and got ready for the day, you saw the plant frigga gave you and watered it, you are not sure about your decision yet and you can't let it die, you wanted to start packing but you couldn't find any suitcases in his room, does he even have one? You typed a text and sent it to him "Baby, where are the suitcases?" You took out everything you wanted to pack and placed it on the bed. You took out his clothes as well, you even bought new shirts for him yesterday, you heard your phone ping and there was a text from loki

Precious Baby Lo ❤️: It's under the bed my love, don't pack too much though, you're going to be naked most of the times ;)

Precious Baby Lo ❤️ : did the emoji thing work ? :( No ? :(

You : 😂😂 yes to the naked thing, and use the emojis from emojis section, sweetest baby ❤️ I love you ❤️

Precious Baby Lo ❤️: oh ☺️ I got it princess🥰 🥰 I love you more ❤️🥺🥺😉😏💕💕😁

Precious Baby Lo ❤️: oh look I found me in here 🥶🥶🥶🥶 I need a hug princess please? I miss you 🥺❤️

You : That's definitely you, i miss you too my cute kitten, here are hugs 🤗🤗🤗 send me your face please ?

Precious Baby Lo ❤️:

You : Oh my prettiest baby 😍

You blushed as you read the texts, he is the cutest thing there ever could be, you were almost done when you heard a knock on the door, it was jane so you invited her in "I see you are all ready for vacay cay" She said cheerfully and you smiled, no wonder thor loves her, she's always so cheery just like him "I am, I am a bit nervous though, never been on a vacation before" you told her as she sat down on the couch "Nervous? You shouldn't be, you should be the opposite of nervous, you're going to have few days off from every little stress, it's going to be uhmazing trust me"

You smiled as you heard her "I'm excited for it" you said sheepishly. The thing about immortality, maybe you should talk to her about this, you know lo is hurting inside even though he's pretending to be fine and you don't want him to hurt anymore, he has been through lifetime worth of pain, why would you add to it? but you can't make this decision with all these doubts in your head "Jane can I ask you something?" You sat down on the couch next to her and she looked at you intently "Anything" she smiled, she was hoping you'd confide in her about the immortality "Are you not scared of the immortality thing? What if , I'm sorry I'm totally going to project my insecurities on you but what if tomorrow they change their mind about us? Hundreds of years later, what if they're not in love with us, or meet someone else?" You asked her and she smiled.

"I was, I am terrified but deep down I know that he is the one, I mean your heart can just tell right and about loki ? He's crazy about you, he's insanely in love with you and it won't change I can tell, besides can you really imagine your life without him?" She asked you and you nod in no as you teared up, that's what scares you the most, that's your biggest insecurity, you cannot imagine your life without him, that's why it's so hard "Well he can't either" she smiled at you "What about your other family or friends you might care about? I mean they'll die someday and you'll still be the same" you asked her, you'd hate watching other people grow old and die in front of your eyes, like wanda and Eddie, wait is Eddie immortal too because of venom?

"They will and it will definitely hurt, but we are going to lose people anyways someday, immortal or not" she said to you and you sighed, why are you so scared about this? "Btw loki is so in love with you, he would even give up his immortality, thor said that loki told him that he was researching on it" your eyes widened as you heard her "Wait what? That's not possible right? He can't just give up his immortality like that?" You asked her frantically "well you know him, when he puts his mind onto something, nothing can stop him" she laughed and it gave you a lot to think about. You can't let him do that, you won't allow him to do that, he can't leave his mother and his family like that for you.

After jane left you couldn't stop thinking about what she said, he's ready to make such a sacrifice for you? Once you were done with packing, you laid down on the bed, you didn't even realise when you fell asleep, when you woke up you found loki with his head between your breasts, snuggling so tightly "mmmm how was the meeting baby, everything okay?" You asked him as you caressed his head and he smiled as he heard your voice "We have a mission in three days but you know I'm not going" he told you and you perched yourself on your elbow "Mmm they're okay with it?" You asked him and he nods in yes "All set for tomorrow, I see you packed my luggage too" he said to you.

"I did, but if there's something I forgot or something you want to keep in there let me know" he kissed you softly as he heard you, he needs to wife you up soon, not that you're already not his wifey, just need a stamp. His eyes glanced towards the plant frigga gave you, he was so happy when frigga told him that they had a way to make you immortal, he was 99 percent sure you'd jump in on the chance to spend thousands of years with him, he needs to stop thinking like that, he needs to let it go "Want me to get rid of that?" He asked you and you nod in no instantly "can we take it with us? I want to water it, it's a gift, don't want it to die" you told him and he kissed you again "whatever you need princess"

"You wanna take a nap sweet baby, must be tired? I'll go hang out with wan till then, then we can eat when you get up" You caressed his cheeks and he just snuggled into you in response, with his head in the crook of your neck and arms wrapped around your back as you both laid sideways "mmm stay princess, don't leave me" your heart clenched at the sound of his voice, his word felt as if it had several meanings hidden in it, how could you leave now? You could never leave, you're just scared about the future, scared of him leaving you.

"Not leaving lo, never" you mumbled and held onto him tightly, your eyes tearing up, your soft baby lo, best ever.

He fell asleep in your arms like that, feeling so safe, so loved, so happy and content, things would have been absolutely perfect if you would have said yes to him, but he would have you for years to come then not have you at all, atleast he have you in his arms in this very moment, and he's in yours and life would never feel so beautiful to him once you're gone, he'll never move on from this feeling of you by his side, the safety you provide him with he would never have it again with anyone, he would never open up the way he does with you, the way you make him bloom, make him whole, he would never give himself like this ever again, you're his and he's yours and that's how his love story will end when you leave him forever.

It will end, with you.

#loki #loki x reader #loki x female reader #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader insert #loki x reader angst #loki x reader smut #loki x reader fic #loki x you

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ewritesthangs · 3 years

Text

The Big Day

Today, was the day. Corpse and you were getting married. You woke up bright and early, but not before Corpse. He left you a rose with a note beside the bed.

'I'll see you later. I'll be the guy at the alter. 🖤'

Starting the day off with an even bigger smile than before. You received a text from your maid of honor, your mom, your dad, Sean. All basically saying they're excited to see you guys get married. You just chuckle and get ready for the day. First was nails. Then hair and makeup. Then to the venue. You put on a shirt that said "Bride", some jeans and your converse. You drive to breakfast first, since the nail salon wasn't open yet. The wedding was at 1. It was 945. Your appointment was at 1030 for nails. Breakfast was only some muffins and coffee. Iced, for you. You guys get there early, so they take you in early. You get acrylics. (See picture above) this took over an hour. By the time you finished, you had about 15 minutes to go to your next appointment. Which was only a few minutes away.

"Were gonna be late!"

"I'll call and tell them that I might be late. Don't worry Y/BFF/N." you did as you said, calling to make sure it would be okay if they were a little late just in case you guys were.

"Of course love! You are my only client today. I want to see you guys get married. Uh-duh." You laugh.

"Thank you so much. I'll make sure you get a nice tip."

"Just give me some extra cake."

"You've got that too." You hang up and head over there.

CORPSE POV

I awoke earlier than my wife to leave her a cute note with a rose. I leave her with a sweet kiss to her forehead before actually leaving for the day. Our day. Our wedding day. I was spending the day with Sean, Felix, Sykkuno, and some other friends of mine. Today was going to be a great day, though I am super anxious. I take some of my meds to help. The guys pick me up and bring me to go to breakfast first. At my favorite spot.

"Soooo, are you nervous? Excited?"

"Yes." I chuckle and order some food. "I'm nervous something might go wrong. But i'm excited to marry the love of my life."

"Awww our Corpsey is growing up." Felix says feigning choked up.

"Yeah, I really am. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with Y/N."

"So sappy. I love it." Sean chimes in. We eat once the food arrives and converse about anything and everything.

"Where are you guys going for your honeymoon?"

"Welllll were going to...." I tell them where. (Keeping it a surprise to you guys still.)

"She is going to love it!"

We then head to the venue to get ready.

Back to 2ND PERSON POV

You were finished up with your hair and makeup. You looked breathtakingly beautiful. Your mom chokes up.

"My baby girl. Getting married."

"Mom you're gonna me cry." You fan your eyes and hug her.

"Lets get to the venue and get you dressed. Thankfully the venue is right around the corner." She chuckles. You guys head there.

Upon arrival, you see many people already there. You were nervous, yet excited to marry Corpse. You get out of the car and go in, making sure no man sees you. You wanted to capture the moment your father sees you and your husband, of course. You go into a room of the barn there. You get dressed with the help of your best friend. Them and everyone tear up. At how breathtaking you look.

"I said I wouldn't cry but crap here we go." Your best friend says, fanning their eyes. You laugh, tearing up yourself.

"Guys I'm gonna cry!" You fan yourself. "God today is so emotional. I knew it would be."

"It's almost time guys!" Your mom yells, excited. She goes out and sits down. Your best friend goes out and waits for her turn. Your dad comes in and stops, his breath hitching.

"My baby girl. Getting married. To a wonderful man. Im so happy for you. You're so beautiful." He lets a few tears fall as he takes you into his arms. A Thousand Years by The Piano Guys starts to play. Signalling its time. Time to walk down the aisle to your future.

"Don't let me fall, daddy." You whisper, holding onto his arm. You take a deep breath.

"Never my love." You guys begin your ascend. You walk from the barn, to the aisle. Corpse sees you and instantly his eyes fill with tears. You were the only girl in the world, in that moment. Your own breath hitches at the sight of your future husband. You slowly walk to your Corpsey. He holds his hand out for you. Your dad lifts your veil and kisses you gently on the cheek.

“Who gives this young lady to this young man?” The wedding officiant says.

“I do.” Your father says, voice breaking. Corpse takes your hand and you hand off your flowers to your best friend so you can hold his other hand.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Corpse and Y/N. If anybody has any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace. Thank the Lord nobody said anything.” That comment causes everyone to laugh. “The bride and groom have written their vows. Corpse, your first.”

“Y/N, when we met I knew we would be at least friends forever. When you said yes to dating me, I knew we were in for the long run. I had grown to have strong feelings for you. And they keep growing for you every second of every day. The love I have for you is unmatched. I never knew I could love anyone as much as I do you. You have shown me I am loveable, I am enough, I can conquer anything. You mean more to me than I ever thought possible. You really do complete me. You have made me a better man. And I am eternally grateful for you being in my life. Now here we are. On our wedding day, granted I started writing this when you said yes to marrying me, you look beyond breathtaking. You standing in front of me ready to say I do, I hope.I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives and beyond together. I promise to uplift you, to love you forever and beyond, to be there for you, to cherish you, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer. Together we can do anything. I love you, Y/N Y/M/N.” By the end of the vows’ you were in tears, happy tears but still. You were thankful for good setting spray and waterproof makeup. Corpse’s voice had waived during the duration of his vows’. “Oh baby.” He wipes your tears from your cheeks, trying so hard not to kiss your supple lips.

“That was beautiful, holy crap. Any dry eyes up in here? No? I didn’t think so!” You chuckle.

“Y/N, are you okay to say your vows?” The officiant says.

“Yes. I’ve got this.” You take a deep breath before taking out your vows. “Corpse. My love. I knew from the moment I met you, we would forever be in each others lives. When I began to catch feelings for you, you asked me out. With great relief, I said yes. He likes me too! I knew from that moment on, we would get married someday. And I had a feeling that if the feeling was mutual, you’d pick Halloween as our wedding date.” You chuckle and sniffle a little. “My love for you only grows stronger as the seconds pass. I can’t imagine, nor will I, a life without you. You make me the happiest every moment of every day. I promise to love you until the end of time and beyond. I promise to be there for you, to love you no matter what happens in life. I promise to let you stream peacefully. I promise to have and to hold you in every way possible. I promise everything. I do I do I do. With all of my heart and soul, I do!” You wipe your tears and smile at your Corpse.

“Beautiful! Now who is ready to put them rings on?” The officiant chimes. “Corpse, do you take Y/N to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold? For richer or for poorer? In sickness and in health from this day forward?”

His face broke out in the biggest grin. “I do.” He slides on your ring.

“And do you, Y/N, take Corpse to be your lawfully wedded husband? You heard me say that stuff for him right? I don’t have to repeat?” He causes everybody to laugh again. “To have and to hold? For richer or for poorer? In sickness and in health from this day forward?”

“Hell yes I do!” You slip his ring on with the biggest grin matching Corpses.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife! Corpse, kiss your bride.”

“With pleasure.” He takes your cheeks in his hands and he kisses you passionately. Sparks and butterflies fly around. And you pull him in closer by his waist. Everyone cheers for you.

“I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. H/L/N!” He pulls back only slightly before pecking your lips then holding your hands up.

“We’re married!” He cheers. You giggle and cheer as well. Your best friend hands you your flowers. You walk back down the aisle, a married woman.

--------

Decorations flow in the light breeze of the autumnal afternoon. Laughter and conversations warm up the reception before the bride and groom enter. The final click of the camera notifies you that it was time to go to the reception. You hold onto Corpse's arm, walking into the reception once announced. You guys had planned on doing the first dance right away, to get it out of the way for both of you don't dance the best. You guys practiced a slow dance though, the whole time you guys were engaged. I'll Follow You by Shinedown begins to play. You and Corpse go to straight to the dance floor. Your arms wrap around his neck loosely and his arms wrap around your waist.

If I could find assurance to leave you behind

I know my better half would fade

And all my doubts

Is a staircase for you

Up and out of this base

The first step is the one you believe in

The second one might be profound

Eyes lock. Love emits. Kisses pressed to your lips.

I'll follow you down to the eye of the storm

Don't worry I'll keep you warm

I'll follow you down

While we're passing through space

I don't care if we fall from grace

I'll follow you down

Twirls. Corpse twirls you a few times and pulls you close once again.

You can have the money and the world

The angels and the pearls

Even trade my heart for color blue

Just like the tower we never built

And the shadow of all the guilt

When the other hand was pointing at you

Yet the first step is the one you believe in

The second one might be profound

You look at your husband with nothing but pure love and joy. He truly makes you the happiest.

I'll follow you down to the eye of the storm

Don't worry I'll keep you warm

I'll follow you down while we are passing through space

I don't care if we fall from grace

You are picked up by your husband and spun around a few times.

I'll follow you down to where forever lies

Without a doubt I'm on your side

There is no where else I'd rather be

I'm not about to compromise

Give you up to say goodbye

I've got you through the deep

I'll keep you close to me

I'll follow you down to the eye of the storm

Don't worry I'll keep you warm

I'll follow you down

While we are passing through space

I don't care if we fall from grace

I'll follow you

If I could find assurance

To leave you behind

I know my better would fade

I'll follow you down

Corpse pulls you in for a sweet kiss. Dips you down. You squeal, feeling butterflies in your stomach. He chuckles at your response and pulls you back up. "I love you so much Mrs. H/L/N."

"I love you just as much, maybe more."

----------

Later that night, as the reception is winding down, you find your husband with his streaming buddies laughing away.

"Honey, it's almost time." You softly remind your husband. You knew you guys had a flight soon for the reception was almost finished.

"Okay baby, let's go get dressed." His voice, though always raspy, was soft and sweet. He pressed a kiss to your temple. You just smile up at him and press a kiss to his jaw. Back to the changing rooms of the barn, you guys venture off to. You change into a cute little white dress, while Corpse changes into a button up shirt and some jeans. You guys meet back up, your veil still on.

"My beautiful wife." Emphasis on the wife. "I'll never tire of calling you my wife." His smile was unbreakable.

"Where are we going?" You ask, still unaware of where he was taking you for your honeymoon.

"Hmmm. Where is somewhere you have always wanted to go?"

"Bora bora?"

"Yes baby."

"What! How?!"

"Thank Sean for helping. It was part of his gift." He winks and chuckles. You jump up into his arms and hug him tightly. Perfect way to end the perfect day.

Tag list: @teenloves @whatinthyworld @deadangelbride @teamragnarssons @lovely-ki

#corpse husband imagine #corpse husband

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shirtlesssammy · 4 years

Text

15x15: Gimme Shelter

Then:

Dean used his words to save the world once

Now:

At a food bank community center, three teens dole out food while stressing out about one attendant who’s breaking their cleanliness rules. Connor heads over to talk to the woman, but is stopped by the center’s pastor. The pastor challenges Connor’s motivation. ”We have rules, but we also have spirit too, right?” The pastor tells Connor to lead with compassion, so Connor brings the woman food instead of kicking her out of the building.

Later, Connor walks home. Much like all other cold open walks, this one also involves a solitary alley. He hears someone calling his name. Trying to find the source of the voice, he trips and finds a talking teddy bear, and a metal hook around his neck.

Dean and Sam discuss research. Sam’s found a non-case, while Dean’s hit the jackpot in Atlantic City. Specifically, an unexplained blackout has him thinking that Amara’s enjoying her new gambling addiction on the East Coast.

Cas pops up and thinks he should go with the brothers, but they tell him to stay put and babysit Jack. I say TFW is just better together, but I’m not writing this episode. Hrmph. The brothers are packed and ready to go, but Jack stops them in the war room to ask about the case Sam found.

Sam tells him it’s nothing. Dean encourages Cas and Jack to investigate --to keep Jack busy. Cas seems skeptical, but Dean insists.

Agents Swift and Lovato meet with the local law enforcement to learn more about the case. Sweet Jesus is it cute that Cas continues to use pop-star names. It’s cute that Jack takes after his father with the upside down badge. It’s cute that Jack recognizes the teddy bear and says he has one (Did Cas buy it for him? He has a history of buying stuffed animals for his quasi-children.)

The sheriff tells them about the victim, and how the word ‘Liar’ was carved into him.

Jack posits that this all seems demonic.

Cut to Cas digging into the ground at a crossroads. Time to get some information. Cas buries a picture of himself that Dean took when he was wearing a cowboy hat (Don’t worry, Dean still has his copy, and keeps it safe…. for reasons.) and Jack sets up a social media account. He’s WAY under 13 years old, so he needs a parent’s permission. Cas grants it easily. (Also, ALSO!! ALSO, there are NOT too many cats on the internet. This writing is so OOC, smh.)

A demon appears.

He’s channeling his inner Crowley, and I suddenly miss the bugger for a moment. Zach, the demon, is very bored and desperately wants something to do. He’s not really British and tells the duo that no one's making demon deals right now. Rowena’s of the philosophy that “people will end up where they belong.” Cas realizes their mistake and moves to leave. “Sam was right, it’s not a monster,” Jack laments. “He was half right. Sometimes humans can be the worst kind of monsters,” Cas adds.

At the community center, a woman locks up, and grabs a whole lotta cash from the donation box before she bails. Once outside, she hears a voice call her name. She looks around but sees nothing. She turns back to her car to find a masked individual. A weird editing choice cuts back to her...and commercial.

Cas checks in with the brothers. Dean tells Cas to be wary of those “Hallelujah types” and I’m like, wha? Cas is an ANGEL OF THE LORD. He’s been around the block, Dean. Lol for looking out for your BFF, tho. Also, second awkward moment of the episode when Dean just hangs up on Cas? I’m…

Sam voices his reservations about the whole finding Amara --lying to Amara --killing Amara plan. Say it louder for the brother in the seat next to you, Sam!

(Boris: I’m just going to insert this in the middle of this recap and never mention it again. Can we trust Billie? Is her plan actually something that is GOOD for our TFW 2.0? What is her agenda and does it align with what we want? What if what SHE wants is as equally bad as what Chuck wants? What if we as an audience are getting played right now??) (Natasha: What if the strings she’s pulling are emotional and she’s playing a dangerous game of chicken with Dean’s rage and Chuck’s entitlement?)

Jack joins the community center. He watches Dr. Sexy the pastor in a prayer circle, and talks to a disillusioned young woman who asks him to fill out a form before walking away.

Cas walks in separately and wanders over to Dr. Sexy the pastor praying with a parishioner, and tells him about the cash stealing Valerie. She never made it home.

Cut to Valerie tied and gagged. Her hands are in an elaborate guillotine. She wakes. Her screams are muffled. A TV turns on and flashes the word ‘Thief’. And one of her fingers gets chopped off. A timer starts on the TV. AND WE ALL RECOIL.

Jack finishes the paperwork and tries to talk to the girls working the food line. The one girl storms off, upset. Jack follows her and tells her that he didn’t mean to upset her.

She tells him that Connor and her dated. Well, they watched a lot of old movies together. (AHEM! AHEM! AHEM! “I’m your Huckleberry.” AHEM. Please stop the clowning, it hurts so much.)

Jack confesses to the girl that he lost his mother. The girl tells Jack that her mom died three years ago, and now it’s just her and her emotionally unavailable father, the pastor. “I have more dads than most, and I’m always just feeling like I’m letting all of them down.” JACK!!!! The girl tells Jack to trust God, not people.

And we laugh, and laugh, and, guh, laugh.

Cas, meanwhile, meets with Dr. Sexy the pastor.

Cas interrogates Dr. Sexy Pastor about whether anyone else has gone missing recently. Well, there was one guy who used to work for the “faith-based community” but they parted ways. Cas and the pastor enjoy a little god talk. Cas, the weary angel, opines that God just doesn’t care. The pastor has a different take on faith - it’s about the people of his church doing what they can to take care of each other. We learn that this church recently changed from a fundamentalist branch to something more welcoming. Connor was able to come out as gay due to the changes, so some good happened. (Hindsight thoughts: this makes his death and the “Liar” all the more awful.) “A saint is a sinner who keeps trying,” the pastor concludes...and if that ain’t the truth about Cas!

Sam and Dean are on the too-slow train to Atlantic City when Amara drops in during a gas stop and invites them out for pierogi.

At Patchwork, the pastor asks Jack to share his journey of faith during a prayer circle. Jack falters, and Cas steps in. “I do know what blind faith is. I used to just follow orders. Without question. And I did some pretty terrible things. I would never look beyond the plan. Then, of course, when it all came crashing down I found myself lost. I didn’t know what my purpose was anymore. And then one day something changed. Something amazing. I guess I found a family. And I became a father. And in that, I rediscovered my faith. I rediscovered who I am.” BRB crying!

Later in the cafeteria, Jack asks Sexy Pastor, M.D. how he brought together so many people with different ideas of religion. “It’s not about what they believe. It’s what they do,” he reiterates. (I imagine, for a moment, an ending where Jack calls out to the whole world and all living creatures and Heaven and Hell unite to win the final confrontation and make a better world together.)

The tranquil moment is interrupted by the TV turning on to security feed footage of the victim. The timer runs out and she loses another finger and screams and screams. Jack rushes over to the TV and pulls out a USB stick from the back.

Meanwhile, the Winchesters dine with Amara.

They bring up Chuck’s destruction of the other universes and tell her they have a plan to stop him. They’ve got a nephilim on their side AND he’s super powerful. All they need is for Amara to help them trap Chuck and...WHAMMO. Amara gently refuses to betray her brother. She lays some new mythology on them. She and Chuck are twins - creation and destruction - and their splitting apart first brought life into the world.

Cas and Jack barge into the church’s ex-AV tech’s room. And by that, I mean, Jack gets hurled through another door? Um. Okay. The part of me that grew up with 3 Stooges is HERE FOR IT, tbh.

They discover the guy is dead, chained up in bed with cuffs, with the word “lust” painted above him.

Getting ready to leave town, Sam’s ready to accept Amara’s choice. Dean “Fuck Acceptance” Winchester heads back inside and corners Amara. He asks why she brought back Mary.

Amara tells him that she wanted him to see that the apple pie dream life he’s always striving for isn’t real - that Mary was only human - and BETTER because of that. Amara thought that would help him to accept his life. Amara also thought that having Mary back would release Dean from his anger.

He leans forward and lets her know that he’s furious. Everyone in this universe is trapped, he tells her - including her. And she’s doing nothing. Amara falters in the face of this, and then asks him if she can trust him. “I would never hurt you,” he LIES TO HER FACE. She tells him she’ll think about it.

That evening Sylvia, the pastor’s daughter, listens to her friend gush over the social media attention she’s getting after posting about the torture video. In a flash of rage, Sylvia stabs her friend and races away. Dr. Sexy Pastor finds the current (still alive) victim just as Sylvia catches up to him. She accuses him of laughing at her mother after her mother died from trying to heal by prayer rather than medical science. She accuses him of changing the church that her mother grew up in. Jack jumps into the fray and gets stabbed for his trouble. When Cas arrives, Sylvia is quickly subdued by his Vulcan forehead tap of slumber.

Cas yanks away the restraints from the victim (SOOOO strong) and then heals her fingers back on while the pastor looks on in wonder.

For So Strong Science:

Later, they gather outside while Sylvia gets taken away in cuffs. The pastor still cares about his daughter and vows to get her help. The driver of the car is Zach the crossroads demon? Oookay.

Cas and Jack drive home. In the truck of feelings, Cas asks Jack why he couldn’t share during the prayer circle. Jack confesses that he’s been lying. The spell Billie is doing with him is turning him into a bomb to be used against Chuck and Amara. It’ll work - they’ll cease to exist. But Jack will be obliterated too. “This is the only way they’ll ever forgive me,” he tells Cas.

Cas is horrified. He can’t watch Jack die again! Cas refuses to watch Jack die again, but Jack seems to have fully embraced this as his necessary fate.

Back at the bunker, Dean heads for the whiskey bottle late at night when he spots Cas shuffling towards the exit. Jack’s settled in his room, Cas reports. Cas then tells Dean he’s going to look for “another way.”

Oh AND, “In case something goes wrong and I don’t make it back, there’s something you and Sam need to know…”

FADE. TO. BLACK.

The Se7en Deadly Quotes:

You guys go Highway to Heaven that bitch

You look greener than Baby Yoda

“Did anyone find any tiny bags with chicken bones inside?” “Did anyone smell sulfur?” “Did anyone feel cold?”

There were too many cats

Where can I find the Kool-Aid?

I wanted you to see that your mother was just a person

It was a gift, Dean. Not a trial

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #cas #jack kline #spn 15x15 #gimme shelter #supernatural season 15

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snelbz · 4 years

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Lost Time, Chapter Seven

A/N: How does a new update sound, just over a year after the last one? I’m sorry it’s taken so long, but sometimes a story just stops speaking to you. And then, thanks to your kickass bff, you’re feeling it again, and she helps you write it. Co-written, as always, with the amazing @tacmc. Enjoy!

It wasn’t that Miryam was incapable of taking care of the things in the old house. She was only in her late forties, she still had quite a bit of life in her yet. But when Drakon had gotten sick, a lot of things had become unimportant and now she was the only one left to do it. Or so she thought.

She heard a banging from in the garage and when she hurried to the door and threw it open, she found Azriel on his hands and knees, cleaning up a bucket of screwdrivers and drill bits.

“Oh, uh, hey, mom,” he said, blushing.

“What are you doing?” She asked. “What happened?”

“Well, I was trying to surprise you by fixing the back door, but thanks to Dad's impeccable organizational skills...” He shook the bucket for emphasis. “Surprise, I guess.”

Miryam chuckled, leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed. “I haven’t been in here in a while. I’m surprised it’s as organized as it is.”

Azriel shook his head, climbing to his feet and dusting off his hands. “I think you and I and dad all have very different definitions of the word organized.”

Her grin widened as she took a sip from her steaming coffee mug. “Maybe so. I appreciate you fixing the door, though. It’s been driving me crazy.”

“I’ve got nothing else to do, figured I would help out,” he muttered, lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat that had already begun to form on his brow. “Is there anything else I can help with?”

“Oh, baby,” she came down the steps and rested her hand on his cheek. “You’re going to regret asking me that.

Three hours later, Azriel was convinced she had a list stashed away that was full of shit that had never been worked on in the house and was just ticking them off one by one. He scooped out the last wad of wet leaves and other unknown things from the gutters and took a deep breath as he rested his forehead on the top rung. Even though it was still spring, sweat was dripping off of him and he climbed down the ladder before any could drip in his eyes. A fall from a third-story roof is the last thing he needed right now.

The front door shut and Miryam appeared on the porch, a glass of water in her hand. “How’s it going?”

He was still trying to catch his breath as he crossed the lawn and took the glass from her. “All done. Just finished the gutter across the third story.”

Without hesitation, he poured the ice-cold water over his head.

“Azriel!” Miryam laughed, jumping back. She shook her head. “I’ll go get you a towel.”

He pulled the soaked, gray t-shirt over his head and tossed it to the porch, hearing it smack the wood with a wet slap.

He turned his face up to the late-morning sun and sighed.

It had been three days since he’d been to Elain’s. He knew Miryam was right, if he was here to fix his relationship with her, he needed to fix them. And clearly, there was the whole Lucien thing he wasn’t anticipating, so that complicated things.

But he also didn’t want to smother her.

So he’d laid low the past few days, editing pictures, even calling and canceling all of his upcoming bookings. If he was home, he was home. But she was always in the back of his mind.

And Novan. Even if he couldn’t make things work with Elain - the thought nearly gutted him - as more than friends, he still had his son to think about.

Maybe he’d stop by her house again in the morning, but even though mowing the grass wasn’t on the list, the grass was already long, and while he was fixing everything else, he may as well be cutting the grass, too. Today was to be spent helping his mom, the woman that raised him, and brought him ice cold water to drink every thirty minutes as he worked.

Especially before it could get any longer as the Spring heat progressed.

He found the mower in the back shed, but when he tried to start it, it only sputtered.

“Hasn’t worked for a while.”

“Fuck!” Azriel said, and jumped, only to be met with Miryam’s raised brow, a towel in one of her hands, a newly filled glass of water in her other. He muttered, “Sorry. Thanks.” This time, he drank the water and tossed the towel over his shoulder.

She laughed, quietly. “It’s okay, honey, I think I’m aware that you use such language in your twenties. Anyway, Drakon ordered a part to fix it, but he got too sick before it arrived to do so. It’s in the garage, if you want to give it a go.”

He scratched the back of his neck. “I can try, but I make no promises.”

She smiled. “It’s okay, hun. If it doesn’t work, I can just buy a new one.”

Azriel had hauled the busted push mower into the garage, but decided he could use a few minutes to breathe. He entered the house and found Miryam in the living room. He fell onto the couch next to her.

She pushed him away. “Get your sweaty self off of my couch right now or you’ll regret it.”

He laughed, but stood and headed back into the kitchen. Opening a water bottle he pulled from the fridge, he downed it in nearly one gulp.

“Good Lord, you didn’t have those the last time I saw you.”

He choked on the water and coughed. “What?”

Miryam smirked, gesturing to his muscles. “You leave and you’re a boy, you come back a man.”

He glanced down at his body, still bare, though his shirt tumbled in the dryer. Running a hand over his abdomen, he mumbled, “I have a very...active lifestyle.”

“Right,” she laughed. “Not to impress all the models you work with every day.”

“Mom, it’s not.” She just looked at him. “Okay, not completely.”

The back door burst open, not a creak to be heard and Novan rounded the corner into the kitchen. “Meme!”

Azriel stilled as Novan ran into Miryam’s arms. She caught him, easily, and lifted him into the air as Novan caught sight of Azriel. “Hi, Azriel!”

Azriel relaxed, the shock factor he still got from seeing his son, especially when he wasn’t expecting it, beginning to wear off. “Hey, bud. How ya doing?”

“Good, mommy let me bring my dinosaur,” he said, as if that was the deciding factor of whether or not he was in a good mood. For emphasis, he held up a little plastic t-rex.

Azriel chuckled, leaning back against the cabinets, arms crossed over his inked chest. “Very nice.”

Then the thought hit him, and he was unsure of why it hadn’t hit him before, but if Novan was here, Elain wouldn’t be far behind. Azriel just prayed that Lucien hadn’t come for a visit, too.

As if on cue, footsteps sounded up the back porch and Elain opened the door, then froze, brows furrowed. For a few seconds, Elain slowly opened and shut the door before saying, “Miryam, it seems that a miracle has occurred, because this is the quietest this door has ever been.”

She would know, too, because they would have a hell of a time quietly sneaking her into that back door in the middle of the night all throughout high school.

“Miracle, WD-40, it goes by many names,” she laughed as she headed into the living room. “To what do I owe this nice surprise?”

Azriel hesitated in the kitchen, realizing that Elain somehow hadn’t noticed his truck out back. He didn’t want to eavesdrop, but he also didn’t want her to leave on his account.

She sighed. “I’m so sorry to do this, but could you watch Novan for a little bit today? I have something really important I need to take care of today.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem.” She smiled, hugging Novan a little tighter as he giggled. “Az was just about to fix the lawnmower for me, so-.”

“Azriel is here?” She asked, cutting her off.

Azriel could hear Miryam’s hesitation, which was only worsened when Azriel tried to creep out of the kitchen and stepped on a creaky floorboard, just before he could round the corner into the hall, which could be seen through the opening of the dining room, where Elain stood, just inside of the backdoor.

Her eyes shot to him and he froze, fully aware that his cheeks were turning red as he got caught trying to sneak out. “Sorry, I just, I was only...hi.”

Miryam pressed her lips tightly together to keep herself from laughing at her son’s awkward nature, no doubt. Elain didn’t say a word, only stared at Azriel, her eyes trailing down to his chest before quickly, quietly looking away.

“Why don’t you help me water the flowers out front a minute?” Miryam asked Novan, in which he responded with a loud, excited yes as she carried him out of the room.

A few seconds of silence passed before Elain blurted, “He loves using the watering hose.”

“Gotcha.” Azriel nodded. He wasn’t sure why he was nodding, but he also wasn’t sure what to say.

Sorry I snuck out the other day. Heard you and your shitty boyfriend having a fight about me. Wanna get back together?

Right.

Elain cleared her throat. “I was actually going to come by your hotel after I dropped him off here.”

He made no effort to hide the surprise on his face. “You were? Why?”

She was chewing on that lip again and even from across the room, he wanted to work it from in between her teeth and ask what was on her mind.

She opened her mouth to speak but paused, clearing her throat. When she finally looked at him and spoke, he wasn’t sure if her question had him excited or terrified.

“Do you want to go get a cup of coffee with me?”

Thirsty minutes and the quickest shower of Azriel’s life later, they were parked in front of the cafe Elain had worked at during high school.

Az promised Miryam he’d work on the lawnmower the next day, but she said that Novan was going to help her pick a new one out from the home improvement store that afternoon.

They sat down at a table after ordering their drinks, Azriel on one side of the booth, Elain sitting across from him on the other. Azriel searched his mind, desperately, for something, anything to say, but he came up short. He hated doing the small talk thing, especially with Elain, when they had so much history together.

He used to know every little thing about her, but that was four years ago, and things changed, people changed.

He sure as hell had.

A few minutes of silence passed before their drinks were set down in front of them. Azriel, a simple mug of steaming black coffee, which he drowned in sugar, and Elain, a fancy cappuccino of some sort that looked foreign to him sitting in front of her.

She used to hate cappuccinos.

He wasn’t the talker, she was. It was one of the main reasons they’d been so perfect for each other. But it seemed that, although she called this meeting, she wouldn’t be the one starting it. So he’d start it in the most to the point way he knew how to.

“So I assume you wanted to talk to me about something?” He asked.

She was lost in thought, staring at nothing out of the window. His voice brought her back to the moment and she blinked. “Right.” Elain took a sip of her drink and said, “I thought it might be a good idea to give each other the chance to ask anything the other might want to.”

He leaned back, crossing an ankle over his knee. “Okay,” he said, somewhat hesitant. He had a few questions for her, but none as tense as the ones she’d likely have for him.

When neither of them started, Azriel continued, “Am I going first? Or…”

She laughed, quietly, although the light never reached her eyes. “If you have a question, ask away.”

Azriel let out a long, slow breath before picking up his mug and taking a sip. It took him a few seconds to decide what he wanted to ask first, then he decided on one he already knew the answer to. “How long have you and Lucien been together?”

Elain nodded, slowly, completely unsurprised by the question. “About three months, give or take.”

“And he doesn’t live with you,” he continued, quietly, needing it to be confirmed for his own selfish sake.

“No,” she said, staring at her mug. “He doesn’t.”

He nodded, processing the information. He waited for her to ask hers.

She set her cup down and asked, “Do you have a girlfriend back home in New York?”

He shook his head. “No. Nothing in New York but an empty apartment and a gallery full of prints.” She nodded once and gestured for him to go ahead.

“How did-.” He stopped and changed how he wanted to word the question. “When did you find out you were pregnant?”

This is where things were going to get hard.

“Three and a half months after you left,” she said, staring at her cappuccino as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. “I went to my annual check-up with my gyno and they came in talking about vitals and progression and asking when I wanted to schedule my ultrasound.” She blinked and Az could see the tears lining her lashes. “It was the first thing I’d felt since I found your note that morning in the church.”

He hated himself for asking the question, even though he so desperately wanted to know the answer. The answer crushed him, though, but he deserved as much.

“And, uh,” he continued, clearing his throat to keep his voice from breaking, “were you well taken care of? I mean, through your pregnancy?”

She nodded, taking a deep breath and blinking rapidly to help keep the tears at bay. “Yeah, my sisters were great, and so were Rhys and Cass, and your parents, of course.”

Everyone in his life but him.

His next question could hardly be heard above the distant conversation and whirring of machines. “Who was in the hospital with you when he was born?”

He knew he was asking a lot of questions, knew he should let her ask one, but he had to fucking know.

“Your mom,” she breathed, “and my sisters.”

Four fucking years. Everyone had known for four fucking years that he was a father, everyone he’d grown up with, his own damn family, and no one had ever said a word.

“I didn’t invite you here to fight, Az,” she whispered. “They kept it from you because I asked them to. It…” She blinked, but she wasn’t able to stop the first tear that finally fell. “It’s not like it was hard. You never called. You didn’t come back.”

“He’s my son, Elain.” He had no right to be mad and he knew it, but still. It hurt him.

“He’s my son,” she said, quietly, but not weakly. “He just met you, and I won’t feel bad about it, Az, because you left. You left, and if you stayed, you would’ve been there for all of it, since the day he was born, but you didn’t. How the hell was I supposed to know that you’d want anything to do with him if you didn’t want anything to do with me?”

He felt like he’d been punched in the gut. She was absolutely right and that’s why it hurt him so badly. He just sat there, watching as tear after tear streamed down her face. There was nothing he could say to resolve what he’d destroyed in the past, he could only try to salvage his future.

“I’m sorry, Elain,” he breathed. “I’m sorry, so fucking sorry for leaving you. I fucked up. But I’m here now.” He swallowed hard. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

She sighed, letting her head fall into her hands. “How can I believe you, Azriel? You promised to love me for the rest of my life, yet I’ve been on my own for the past four years.”

He couldn’t have stopped the words if he tried. “I haven’t broken my promise.”

The silence settled between them and he regretted the words, even if he had already told her he still loved her.

She finally looked up at him, those brown eyes showing him how broken she truly was. “How can I trust that you won’t leave him, when you left me?”

Azriel felt a surge of anger that quickly faded, only to be replaced with sadness, longing, pain. She had a right to ask that question, even if it hurt like hell. Yet, he said the first words that came to his mind. “Do you really think I’m so horrible? I made a mistake, El, yeah, I’ve owned up to that, but I would never….I’m not like my parents were, okay? I’m not going to be some shit, heartless asshole who neglects their fucking kid.”

From the look that crossed her eyes, Azriel knew that she knew he wasn’t talking about Miryam and Drakon. Azriel had rarely acknowledged his birth parents through the years, but he meant every word: he wouldn’t be like them.

His mother, she hadn’t been the problem. She was sweet and kind, but life wasn’t kind to her and she’d died before Azriel had even turned five years old.

But his father and step-mother. They were evil for the fun of it. Last he’d heard, his father was in a penitentiary along the coast and his stepmother was in a psychiatric hospital.

Elain’s face softened. “I know you wouldn’t intentionally hurt him, but...he’s been asking where his daddy is since he learned that all normal families have a mommy and a daddy.”

Normal families.

The words cut him, but he said, “And what have you told him?”

She simply said. “It’s not your question.”

The want to argue was overwhelming, but he pushed it down. “Fair enough.”

She nodded, and took another sip from her cup. After the long sip was finished, she finally got the nerve to ask, “Have you been with anyone else? Since me?”

Azriel’s mug stopped halfway to his lips. He wanted so desperately to lie, but knew he shouldn’t. With a sigh, he set his mug back down before he could take a drink. “One. About two years ago, and I was horribly drunk, and it was really awkward, and I beat myself up about it for...well, still.” He laughed, quietly, but there was no humor in it, it came more from his complete discomfort. Azriel wasn’t the kind to sleep around, nor was he the kind for one night stands. When Elain said nothing, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Nothing serious, though,” he continued. “I haven’t dated, not really. Went on one about six months ago, but I ate bad shrimp and puked, so...that ended poorly, too.” Elain, despite herself, chuckled, and this time, it nearly reached her eyes. “I haven’t wanted to be with anyone else, Elain.”

She nodded and saw that his cup was nearly empty. “Are you ready?”

He looked at her cup still mostly full. “Yeah.”

They stepped out into the warm spring day and as they walked, Azriel slid his hands into his pockets. “So what are his favorite things to do?”

Elain pursed her lips. “Right now, it’s the LEGO kits. He’ll build one and tear it down in one day.”

He whistled. “Smart kid.”

She nodded. “He’s already begging to go to school.”

Azriel rolled his eyes. “He must have gotten that from you.”

This earned him a small smile. “Yes, he did. That and my outstanding organization skills. It’s very impressive for a four-year-old.”

Azriel grinned, hands still in his pockets as he glanced sideways at her. “I’m sure. I did notice when I was in his room the other day that his cars are color-coordinated.”

Elain laughed. “Yes, always.”

Azriel's grin widened as he nodded. “Alright, your turn.” He figured nothing could be worse than his shrimp-date confession.

She took a moment to think before asking, “Do you like New York? What’s it like?”

He blew out a breath. “It's...different, that's for sure.” They walked across the street towards the new park in the town square. “It’s never closed. You can get whatever you want whenever you want it.”

She looked around. “Much different from here, hmm?”

He glanced at her, but kept walking. “You’d like it, you know?”

She shook her head. “No, I wouldn’t. It’s too busy.”

He raised his brows. “You don’t like the busy nightlife anymore?”

She shook her head, slowly. “I stay home a lot, but I don’t mind it. I like the quiet and, believe it or not, I’ve grown quite fond of our little town.”

There were a ton of things that Azriel could have said in response, he went with repeating, “Quite fond? That would be a phrase that’s in your vocabulary.”

“It’s in Novan’s, too.”

Azriel laughed a breathy laugh. “I’m not surprised.”

There were still a thousand things he wanted to ask her, but he fell into a silence as she smiled, a full-fledged, full-teeth smile, and Azriel knew it was because they were talking about Novan, and perhaps that made the sight even more beautiful. He was taken back, his breath taken away. He stared, and he didn’t care that he was staring, didn’t look away. She was so incredibly beautiful that he had no idea how there had been a time when she had loved him, too.

He didn’t realize his feet were slowing until Elain looked over at him, her smile fading as she asked, “What? Is there something on my face? In my teeth?” Her hand was quickly flying over her mouth.

“No, I just-.” He hesitated, wondering if he should be honest or lie his ass off. “You look beautiful today.”

That smile returned, not quite as bright, but her eyes softened. She blushed, pink staining her cheeks. For the first time, Azriel felt like he was seeing his Elain again. “Thank you,” she breathed.

He reached out, brushing the loose hairs behind her ear, his hand lingering by her face. Without realizing it, she leaned into his touch.

A little cry from the playground reached them, and regardless of the fact that their son was safely with his Meme, they jumped, looking toward the cry.

Elain noticed the close proximity and cleared her throat. “Do you have another question for me?”

Azriel walked over to a bench underneath a tree and sat, bracing his elbows on his knees. She sat next to him, closer than she’d originally planned, but there was a look on Azriel’s face that worried her.

He didn’t look at her, just looked at his hands hanging between his legs. “Have you slept with anyone else? Lucien?”

Elain took a deep breath. She was also staring at his hands, he noticed, and he had the sudden urge to hide them, but then he reminded himself that it was Elain, and she was not scared away by his scars.

“No,” she said, at last. “We’ve done….no, I haven’t slept with anyone.”

Azriel reached up to scratch his nose, although there was no itch, hardly able to believe that she had gone four years without having sex, even though his list of flings since Elain remained short, too.

He looked up at her, then, just now realizing how close she sat to him. He could easily take her hand, could easily grab her face and bring it toward his lips, and the urge to do so made him ache, but he didn’t. She was watching him, too, though, thoughtfully.

“Does that surprise you?” she asked, quietly.

He looked off towards the Sidra. “No. Yes.” His voice was as quiet as hers was. “I don’t know.” She nodded, understanding. He glanced at her, wanting to see her when she answered. “You’ve...only been with me?”

She swallowed hard. “It’s only been you.”

He stood and held out his hand. She looked at it, a look of confusion on her face. “What?”

He smiled. “Come on. I’ve got something for you.”

She raised an eyebrow, but she took his hand to stand. They walked side by side to his truck, plenty of space between them, but not quite as far as they had been before.

There was a kind of calm that Azriel hadn’t felt in years. Being with Elain, it was just easy. The silence wasn’t tense, it wasn’t full of unanswered questions, though many still hung between them, and as they neared his truck, she asked, “Are you staying, Az? For real?”

He stopped, and faced her, making sure his eyes had connected with hers as he said, “Yes. I’m staying, I promise.”

“I want to believe you,” she breathed. “I really want to believe you, Az.”

“Then believe me, please,” he begged, his voice a quiet plea. Those tears In her eyes were returning, and he was shaking his head. “Elain, believe me. I made a mistake once, and I won’t make the same mistake twice, okay?”

She nodded, but refused to meet his gaze. He didn’t blame her. If he were her, he wouldn’t believe her, either.

“I got something,” he said, unlocking the driver’s side door. “For Novan. If that’s okay.”

Her eyes went wide. “Oh. Wow, okay. Of course.”

Azriel reached behind the seat and grabbed the camera he’d bought earlier in the week. “Here. This is an old model, it’s not expensive, so he can be a little rough with it.” She took the box in her hands and stared at it. “I know he’s too young now, but photography is something I’d like to share with him one day.”

Elain ran a delicate hand over the box. She was silent.

He asked, “Elain?”

“Azriel, this is…” Her voice broke and when she looked up, she was crying again.

He breathed, “El…”

“Why did you have to ruin what we had?” She whispered. “We could have been so happy. We were so happy. Why did you have to run?”

He couldn’t have stopped the words if he tried. “Baby, please, let’s just-.”

“Don’t you dare call me ‘baby’.” He could hear the pain in her voice, and she physically took a step back.

His eyes closed and he sighed. “I’m sorry, Elain, I didn’t mean to.”

Her eyes were hard as she said, “I have a boyfriend, Az.”

“I know you do, it just slipped out,” he said.

She bit out, “Then stop acting like it’s you.”

All the words on Azriel’s tongue faded away and he was left staring at her, his lips parted, his breaths uneven.

He could tell her that wasn’t his intention, but it would do no good. He had been vocal about his feelings for her, but she never returned them. It was clear she had moved on, and as much as Azriel didn’t want to admit it, the pain in her eyes, the venom in her voice, told him enough: he had ruined whatever he and Elain could have had four years ago.

And that was all on him.

So Azriel turned his back to Elain and continued to walk toward his truck. “I’ll drive you back to your car.”

He meant for his words to be steady, strong, as if her statement hadn’t completely destroyed him, but he failed. His words were uneven, low, broken.

“I’ll walk.”

Before Azriel could even turn around, she was already walking away. “Elain, please!”

He caught up to her and reached out, catching her wrist. She pulled her hand from his grip and glared up at him. “Don’t touch me. I’ll knee you in the balls, I already got what I needed from them.”

He took a step back. “Are you kidding me, El?”

The venom faded from her voice, the ice from her veins. “Az,” she breathed.

“Just get in the truck.”

“I’m sor-.”

“Just get in the fucking truck,” he snapped, quietly, taking a step backward toward the old truck, his jaw locking. He unlocked the door and threw it open, hauling himself inside and starting the engine, not bothering to watch if she was coming or not.

Anger and frustration and pain and embarrassment boiled beneath the surface, but all that showed of it was his white knuckles as they gripped the wheel.

A few seconds later, the passenger side door opened and Elain helped herself in, silently.

He didn’t bother to tell her about the other gift in the box she clutched in her lap as they silently drove back to Miryam’s. The gift he’d gotten for her.

Because he wasn’t her boyfriend and he needed to stop acting like he was.

#lost time #toab lost time #elriel #elain archeron #azriel #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #a court of silver flames #acosf

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mytrashs-blog · 4 years

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Movie Star- part 2!

Pairing: BFF! Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: She’s a fluffy one... but also not straight away

Summary: You’re trying to save your friendship but the plan changes

Word Count: 3,071 words so buckle up

A/N: This is the last part I will be writing on this and that’s final, cause I had THE hardest time trying to write fluff... I’m an angst author, what can I say? I did love the final result of this, so I hope you enjoy! (Please if you do like it, reblog it so it can be read by more and more people).

Part one is here!!!, and here is my masterlist in case you want to read something else

(Gif isn’t mine, credits go to the owner!)

You’re sitting on the couch, two popcorn bowls sitting on the coffee table, because you like spicy sauce on yours and he finds soggy popcorn disgusting, there’s also two bottles one coke and one water, because you can’t stand fizzy drinks, but it’s his cheat day so he’ll take advantage. You’re both on the same couch, but you’re in your side, he’s in his, there’s two blankets and there’s no touching, not even accidentally, not even casually, none at all.

Frankly you’re even surprised you agreed to see him again after that one time you went out for coffee with him to come up with a peace treaty. It’s not that you don’t want things to go back to normal, it’s just that you don’t know what “normal” is for both of you anymore, you’re very sure there is no such thing after all the drama you went through a year ago. But you’re willing to try.

The movie has been going on for a while and you haven’t exchanged a word for the whole time, you intentionally decided to play a good movie so that you wouldn’t get the chance to start talking, so Pulp Fiction is playing, funny enough it’s your first time watching it and you’ve never been a big fan of Tarantino’s films, but you haven’t let Tom (your former best friend) see you yawning under your blanket. Thank Lord your thoughts drift away unitl the movie ends, but then you start getting anxious, you’ve been dreading this moment because you just know he’s gonna tell you something. And he does.

“What’s wrong? You didn’t say a word in like two hours and that’s not very you from you” he offers in an insecure manner, and that’s not very Tom from Tom.

“There’s… nothing wrong, Tom… I just don’t know what to say to you anymore. I don’t know who you are, we’ve been out of each other’s lives for a year. Last time we actually spent time together we destroyed our friendship. And then we attacked each other for the months that followed. We haven’t had a proper conversation in more than a year, A YEAR. And I’m not saying I don’t want us to be friends anymore, I just don’t know how to start.”

He stares at you for a few seconds, you can see he’s calculating his next dialogue, he really doesn’t want to fuck up the babies steps you’ve taken to fix things, and you don’t either so you wait for him.

“We…” he starts but soon stops again, thinking once more of an apropriate way to say things “We can’t really go back to the way things were before, because we were doing a lot of things wrong to begin with. I don’t want to have what we had before… I want to start fresh. You don’t know the new me and I don’t know the new you. So let’s get to know each other.”

That was the corniest speech you’ve ever heard. If you weren’t so moved by it, you’d be laughing at his face, but instead of doing that, you tried to follow along with the corny theme, so you reached your hand out for him to strech it and said “Hi, my name’s (Y/N), nice to meet you”.

He did chuckle at that but he took your hand regardless, offering one of those relaxed smiles you haven’t seen in over a year “I’m Tom, nice to meet you too”.

You kept hanging out a lot more often since that day, things were picking up a nice pace and you were getting more and more comfortable around him everyday. Sure, things changed, but they changed for the better. He made sure to take you to a lot of the fun things he did sometimes and you even invited him to the recital of the dance academy where you teach, which was a mistake because he had to smile and take pictures all afternoon with little girls and a bunch of moms… and the ocassional dad who actually cared about his role on spider-man and not only his beautiful biceps. Not that you were paying attention to the fact that he was getting buff again to reprise his role, no, he’s your friend, you don’t look at those things. You noticed because the moms noticed.

It was nice to fall back into your habit of late night phone calls to tell each other the latest gossip around your lives, you also missed sending him the most random, wackyest gifs at the most inconvenient of times and you missed him offering to drive you to places, maybe even go buy your groceries together.

Soon enough the press found out you were hanging out again and you were not safe from paparazzi for a solid amount of two weeks until it stopped being interesting, but of course half of the stories were written along the lines of “From bff to enemies to lovers? Is Tom Holland dating long time bestie (Y/N)?” and just like you did all those years ago when he was just becoming Hollywood’s newest hearthrobe you got together to laugh about what the tabloids were writing.

There was only one problem. You kinda were catching feelings.

It’s just that he had changed so much. He wasn’t mean aymore, to anyone and it’s not even that he went back to being the nice guy he was before the fame, he was even better, because he had matured so much and he knew just how much he meant to the people around him, so he made sure to let them know how grateful he was of having them around and it was so nice to see him become such a well rounded man. Regardless of all that, you know that it is a very stupid idea to come up like “Yo, I have a big fat crush on you” right now, because… you just got back to being friends! so you resolve to keep your mouth shut and your feelings at bay.

This one day Tom texted you asking if you wanna grab a bite, he’s at a table reading nearby so you accept and you get sushi because you’re basic like that, but he’s acting all weird today. He’s been staring at you for a little too long now and his gaze has been falling to your lips a few times now, which would be less weird if you weren’t currently stuffing your face with a salmon sushi roll.

You’ve been trying to get him to be less weird, asking about the script, his cast mates and all, but he’s just not cooperating and just keeps doing this thing that he does when he’s nervous where he justs sits there all stiff and plays with whatever he has in his hands, which right now it’s chopsticks and that makes it way too annoying, because it makes a lot of noise, so you decide enough is enough and just go straight against him. “Thomas “some middle name that you hate me calling you” Holland, what on earth is going on with you today?”

He abruptly stops with the chopsticks and you’re so grateful for a second, but then his attention shifts to his watch and it’s pressing your buttons pretty terribly, but then he decides he can actually talk. “Sorry uh… I’ve just been thinking… about… life?”

“What the hell do you mean? And don’t give me any bullshit answer cause you know I’ll know.”

You see him get visibly flustered, but he takes a deep breath to talk, “I’m just… I have been thinking…”

“Oh really? first time I take it” you laugh to lighten the mood that suddenly got terribly heavy.

“Oh, shut up… No, but really. It’s just that we’ve come such a long way, not only recently but overall in the course of the, what? 17 years? that we’ve known each other, you know? and I have been thinking that these past months our relationship has changed so much…”

Is he…?

“And I just think that we’re at a place where we could just try…”

Shit, he is.

“To go somewhere new, you know?”

Holy fuck… he most definetely is!

He falls silent and is looking at you waiting for your reaction, but you’re so shocked that you just haven’t even thought about what you’re going to say to him!

“When you say ‘somewhere new’ what does that mean?” you go for a question, just to get things clear as water before totally reacting.

“I just mean that.. I’ve realized just how much I like you, for real. No safety net here. I want to be with you and I can’t go for another 17 years pretending that I don’t”

For all you know you might just have choked on your sushi, but you haven’t so you decide to swallow whatever is still in your mouth and it’s hard, but mainly because air has just left your lungs. “I… don’t know, I mean… I can’t deny that I have felt that way, but I’m scared. Like what if it doesn’t work out? It’s been hard enough to go back to being friends after a ‘friend break up’ imagine if it was a real, real break up? Would we be able to recover?”

“I know. I’m aware that this is not a simple thing to do, I don’t expect you to just say yes and jump right into my arms. That’s just not your style. Do you want to maybe sleep on it?”

And you do. It’s the worst night of your life though. You’re restless all night, just can’t get your brain to shut up. How are you supposed to “sleep on it” if there is no sleep involved? You roll on you side for what feels like the millionth time and you see the time… it’s almost three in the morning and you haven’t been able to even blink. It’s just… You want to be with Tom so bad, you do! But you also know that you’ve never been good at relationships, they just never last, and then there’s the fact that you have extreme trust issues because almost every guy you’ve ever been with has cheated on you, and you don’t want be paranoid and crazy around Tom, but you just know at some point you won’t be able to hold it in. And for fucks sake! He’s an actor! He will have to kiss other girls for work and… you just don’t want to even think about it… but also, those girls are waaaay prettier than you are.

But on the good side, no one knows Tom like you do, he has never cheated on any girl ever, he’s a real gentleman, and you already have your fingerprint stored in his phone and you do know all his social media passwords which he doesn’t even know how to use so there’s no way he notices the thousands of girls sliding into his dm’s, you also have already met all his friends and family so you can skip all that awkward part of new relationships. How weird would it be to kiss Tom?

He does have very nice lips and he’s constantly using chapstick so they must be very soft, and you’ve seen him kissing actresses before and they’ve never complained about him being a bad kisser, and it’s not like you never thought about that. To be completely honest you’ve imagined how it would be to do way more than just kissing your best friend, which is normal… right? everyone fantazises about their best friend at least once in their life. Difference being that you spent about seven years doing so, if not more.

So if you’ve been in love with him for so long now, and you were able to forgive him for being an asshole and then he changed for the better after thinking he’d lose you then why not give it a shot? It can’t go wrong. You’ve already proved you’d rather die than not have each other in your lives, so even if it’s doesn’t work as a romantic thing you may still be able to save your friendship, right?

You were finally able to fall asleep at 4 a.m. and unsurprisingly, you did dream about you and Tom during your normal movie night, only you’re all curled up on each other, one of his hands is soothingly running through your hair and the other one is on your waist but slipping dangerously low, he ocassionally places a kiss on top of your head and you just feel extremely relaxed, it’s such a bliss of a dream, but then you wake up.

You want to text him the second you wake up, but you still want to keep thinking about it, just because you don’t want to say yes based on a really nice and domestic dream you had, so you make yourself a really nice breakfast and head to work which involves chill dancing around all day, and dance was always a nice way to analize things, at least to you. Also, not thinking is the perfect way of deciding wether you want something or not. By the time you’re done for the day, you’re ready to text Tom.

You ask him to meet you at yours as soon as he has some free time, and around an hour later, the doorbell rings and it’s him. God, you haven’t been this nervous over a guy since middle school, it is borderline ridiculous, but you gotta keep it together. It’s just Tom. Tommy, the guy that wears Hello Kitty pajamas and ties his hair in tiny pony tails when it starts getting too long, he’s the same guy that will regularly asks you how to spell “though” correctly. Just Tom.

You open the door and he looks just as nervous as you are, but you let him in and, as if he’s never been here before, he just stands there by the front door until you ask him to go to the living room. He plays with his hands and tries to clean off the sweat that he probably has all over his hands in his trousers, and you do the same. Just to be safe.

You’re sitting on oposite ends of the room, both of you visibly giddy and jumpy, but you’re so silent that a needle falling would be audible in the whole room. So you try to speak.

“H-how was your day, Tom? Everything okay?”

“Yeah… all normal, pretty chill. You?”

“Normal, just the regular.”

And you fell back into silence for a bit over a minute that felt like years. Unitl you decided you needed to speak again.

“So.. about the thing you told me yesterday…”

“Yes, tell me. Did you think about it?”

“Yeah, I did. You know, we’ve been through a lot together and you know that. I am extremely afraid of losing you forever and I need to tell you that being in good terms with you is my number one priority.”

Tom’s face stays serious as he listens to you, his hands are clasped together to avoid fidgeting, but he hasn’t noticed that his leg is rapidly bouncing up and down to compensate on that field.

“But even with all that I just keep thinking that it just makes sense, you know? You and me together.”

He looks up at you and his eyes are glowing with hope.

“I… have been in love with you for such a long time and I feel like the longer that time goes by, the harder it is to bear it. So I want to jump in full force. Who cares if it doesn’t work?”

He smiles bright now, he even tries to bite his lip to contain it from looking so absurdly stupid, but he doesn’t. He looks just as excited and ready to do this as you do.

“We’ve already been through the worst case scenario and we managed to salvage and make it even better, so I think that even if this doesn’t end up being a bad idea… we’ll be able to stay together anyway.”

And the room falls back into silence, but this one it not overwhelming, the atmosphere feels a lot more hopeful and excited. Tom is just looking at you with a smile on his face and you are looking straight back, feeling anxious about the uncertainty of what is supossed to happen now.

At that moment, Tom stands up and walks towards you, never breaking the eye contact. He extends his hand for you to take it and stand up, so now you’re facing each other, mere inches away, you’re so close you can see the little freckles that decorate the bridge of his nose, and looking in his eyes you can see that he has tiny speckles of darker brown around in his irises.

“I’m gonna kiss you now, is that okay?” he tells you, voice barely audible, you doubt anyone else would’ve been able to hear it, but that makes it so indulgently intimate, so insead of nodding, you decide to say yes in an equally low volume even though you’re the only two people in the house, you want this moment to be yours and for it to stay only in your own tiny bubble.

He smiles before slowly leaning in, time goes painfully slow, but you’re almost unbothered about that, you want to cherish the moment as much as you can. He stops when his lips are barely brushing yours, so you take that last step and lean to seal the remaining space between you two.

You had been holding hands until now that his hands want to move to your waist, but you need something to keep you leveled, cause everything is spining so you place yours on his forearms. Kissing Tom made you feel so stupid. Why did it take you so long to do this? This is clearly where you had to be all this time. His lips feel like coming back home after a long and miserable day, he feels like home. This moment feels like putting in the finishing piece in the puzzle and feeling like all that you went through was worth it, because it gave you this. and that is all that matters.

...

Tagging some people to avoid the flop: @caeruleum-in-caritate-lupus, @softstarkk, @peterparkerbabyy, @dottirose, @legit-fandom-trash, @carostar2020, @appreciating-chase-brody, @mvmakki @madmadmilk @hollandrecs @starksparker @sunshinehollandd, @thatswhaticallfanfiction, @rachaeldonnaspiteri1, @writing-appreciation, @allieandcoffee, @ladythena,

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bucky-on-a-bike · 5 years

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I was tagged by the lovely @ificouldhelpyouforget so here is the thing with the five things and stuff.

My handiness/craftiness. I am literally in the process of making a shed for my lawnmower today. I am very handy with building things, fixing things, and making shit. Like, my house is full of shelves, bowls, spoons, rolling pins, a table, a clock, stuffed animals, clothes, and other various sundries I’ve made. I can put a roof on a house. Most of the time I can fix a toilet or sink. I can put up insulation and then drywall. I hate going to hardware stores because these hard-working boys selling screws and paint think they need to tell me exactly how to make or fix or do and I feel like I’ve got to be humble and kind and say “thank you” but really I just wanna say:

My cooking. I can cook. I like to think I can cook well. I really enjoy making up recipes and following my heart, which usually makes something yummy and only occasionally does me dirty. My boyfriend thinks I cook better than his mom on many of the things I’ve made him and it makes my heart sing.

My listening ability. Ok, so there are two different sides to this one. I have made many a friend simply because I will sit and listen to them talk until my ears bleed. I had a friend in high school that I met the first day of science class, and every single day we would sit in the back during lab and she would tell me her life story. She was someone who was hurting inside and I really just wanted to be there for her, so every day I would just sit and listen. She’s doing a lot better now and we don’t talk as often, but I’m so proud of her. The other side of this is that I seem to listen to animals well? I’m like bffs with every dog in my family and with most dogs I come across. Also I just kinda get horses? Idk I just get along with most animals.

My diverse taste in music and movies. Yeah. Hit me up with that John Wick. 27 Dresses. A Walk to Remember. Inglorious Bastards. Good Will Hunting. Lord of the Rings. Anything Marvel. The Fox and the Hound. 101 Dalmatians. The Accountant. The Heat. Any movie without that Will Ferrel guy from Elf is a good movie. You want music? Sinatra, Eminem, Adele, Led Zeppelin, Bryan Adams, Movie soundtracks galore. You like it? Turn it up. Me too. Music apps? Constantly confused. What the fuck do I want? They don’t know. The only music I just can’t get into is death metal and screamo. I tried, really. Just can’t do it.

I can clean like a motherfucker. Or so my boyfriend told me. I’ve got a messy house 9 out of 10 days a week. I can’t keep it picked up for the life of me, and I live alone. Just imagine for a moment what kind of hell its gonna be when I get married. Or have kids. BUT. My one saving grace is that when I do want to clean, I C L E A N. We’re talkin’ eat off the floor kind of clean. We’re talkin bleach and chlorox and comet and fantastico and scrubbing the tub with a toothbrush to get e v e r y t h i n g kind of clean. Kids, listen, don’t mix cleaning agents. I just listed four things I use, but never at the same time and never with the same scrubby brushes. Please don’t accidentally make mustard gas in the tub. ♥️

Tag: @imabvckystan @strawberrybucky @winter-scolder @englishwriter15 @capandbuck @cool-kids-cant-be-dead

If you’ve already done this and I’ve tagged you, I’m so sorry I missed your post. Also I know it’s not ten I’m sorry. If you aren’t tagged, but you wish you were, go ahead and do the thing and tag me so I can see it and we can be friends! ♥️

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unlikely-allies · 5 years

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4/5

The only thing Meghan Chase wants for her sixteenth birthday is for her mom to take her to get her driving permit. Instead, Meghan gets a long-lost faerie father, a kidnapped little brother, a brooding Unseelie prince, and the title of Summer princess. Meghan’s little brother Ethan gets replaced with a changeling and Meghan must travel to the faerie lands of Nevernever to get the real Ethan back. Her guide to all things fey is the infamous Puck, who has been disguising himself as Meghan’s best friend Robbie in order to keep an eye on her in the human world. Meghan is being hunted by those loyal to the Unseelie Queen, so she strikes a deal with Prince Ash. In exchange for his help in finding her brother, Meghan will go to the Unseelie court with Ash once Ethan is home safe. Their rag-tag rescue party is rounded out with the addition of Grimalkin, a cait sith reminiscent of the Cheshire Cat.

Ethan is being held at the court of the Iron Fey, a group of faeries unheard of until now. Faeries were born from the dreams of mortals, and the Iron Fey have come to exist as a result of the technological advancement of humans. All faeries, except for the Iron Fey, are injured and weakened by iron, so the expansion of the Iron Court will bring the end of Nevernever. Meghan and her group’s treacherous journey into the unknown are made all the more harrowing by Ash and Puck’s constant attempts at dueling to the death, and by the looming Unseelie threat. Ethan’s life and the fate of Nevernever rest on the shoulders of a half-blood fey princess who may just be out of her depths.

Prior to last summer, I would have laughed if someone had told me how much I would come to love faeries. It actually sounds kind of dumb when I say it out loud. Now I don’t mean Tinker Bell-esque, sprite-like, Cinderella helping, cutesie fairies. I mean faeries. Fae/Fey. More similar to the faeries of mythology, the type of faeries that peak my interest are those just human enough to make you doubt their treachery. Faeries are tricky manipulators who generally care little for human life. They’re magical in a dark way, and they are more likely to stab you in the back than teach you how to fly.

My introduction to faeries came from the Fae Queen herself, Holly Black. Black’s Modern Faerie Tales series contain all of my favorite aspects of Faeries. Naturally, I also devoured her other fae-related books and then had to turn to other sources to get my fix. Cassandra Clare’s faeries do not dominate her books, but they are compelling creatures all the same. Sarah J. Mass’ A Court of Thorns and Roses and Throne of Glass series show more humanity within the faerie characters, but evil is still lurking just below the surface. I have read countless other books about faeries, so while I am quick to enjoy a book simply because of its subject matter, I am also a harsh critic on how the fae characters are presented. My preference is definitely for those that are reminiscent of Black, Clare, and Mass’ characters. Hell, give me a brooding Lord of the Night Court and I’m sold. I didn’t name my cat Rhys for nothing.

Meghan Chase’s introduction to the fey is more of a crash-course than a gentle easing into the subject matter. Until now she has been ignorant of her fey heritage, but her sixteenth birthday is apparently important in her relationship with the world of faeries. Realizing that Ethan has been replaced with a changeling spurs Meghan to find her real brother, which means that Puck must reveal himself to her after who knows how long of keeping his real identity a secret. Kagawa doesn’t really get into any details as to why Meghan’s sixteenth birthday is so important or reveal just how long Puck has been posing as BFF Robbie. Little details like this are missing from various parts of the story, but do not manage to take away from the story. The missing pieces do more to prompt questions than to distract from the plot.

Meghan is resilient yet stubborn, and her blatant defiance of Oberon is a little tedious. If I was trying to recruit help in finding my missing brother, you better believe I would be sucking up to my daddy the faerie king. Meghan’s attitude really only irked me after I saw how quick she was to get past Ash’s initial distasteful attitude towards her. I like Meghan and Ash together, but there was no trust building or friendship that naturally led to romance. It was more like they had one moment and then all of a sudden they were into each other. Rushed romance aside. Iron King had an interesting plot and the story found a nice balance between adventure, drama, and romance. The brief glimpse we are given of the court politics between the Seelie and Unseelie is interesting and I am excited to get deeper into the drama amongst the courts in the other books in the series. I think that some time spent in the land of faeries will do wonderful things for Meghan’s character development and for building a stronger, yet tumultuous foundation for her relationship with Ash.

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xaz-fr · 5 years

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I will add links when I get access to a computer because mobile Tumblr hates letting you easily edit text lols. On this hell site? Very likely. But everything is in the #zs tag on my blog at the least until then.

Set in a fantasy world of the semi socialist society Fey Alliance with magic, dick head dragon riders, benevolent necromancers, and even bigger dick head gods of mischief. The Zealous Servant is the story about a guy named Spayar who, has to keep his crown prince of a bff from being murdered by his entire family by murdering them first. But Spayar just wants to take a nap and find a cute boy to kiss and not have to worry about his corpse potentially being dragged through the street after a war. Better win that shit then.

I will only ping this particular list once and if you want to be pinged like or reblog this post. In the wake of Tumblr going tits up its even more important to reblog works that you like. So please consider doing so.

@girllikewisdom @enjoythewolfs @asnakewithwingsisadragon @fyreeprince @ispyatobert @frxemriss @madamecoyote @leprechaunsean @xangelstearsx @golden-lionsnake @deadpool-scar-bro @starry-ampelope @kami-mint

DiSol is a good boy who really doesn't deserve the shit I eventually do to him lol. Also gods I love Tassa so much she's great and I'm glad she's got a bigger role in the rewrite :D

Spayar knew something was in his room as soon as he opened the door. It wasn't a feeling that something bad was going to happen, just that something was out of place. There were no candles or lamps lit and the shutters were drawn closed against the nearly constant autumn rain in Assarus so it was difficult to see but he was a mage and a warrior and knew when things were off. Something felt off now and the part of Spayar that wasn't that brave at all wanted to just step back and head back downstairs and get his dad to deal with it like he had when he was nine and made him check under the bed for mud rats- a mythical rat creature with golden eyes and slimy brown fur that crawled into your mouth at night to suffocate you. He couldn't though because he was nineteen and a grown ass man and fully capable. He hated being an adult.

He stepped into his room and kept his power close. Nothing happened. He looked around, squinting into the shadows but still saw nothing. He waited a moment before he was satisfied he was just being paranoid. He went over to one of the lamps on his dresser and turned it back up to illuminate the room when he felt something behind him.

Spayar didn't have time to react, "You're home!" a high pitched voice cried, nearly right in Spayar's ear and he flinched as he was tackled, first by one body, then by a second, and finally a third and he couldn't remain standing and they all fell to the floor in a heap.

"Ahg!" Spayar yelled and found his siblings crawling all over him and realized what had happened. They'd been waiting for him up here when they probably saw him in the shed checking in on his horse and then saying hello to their mother. "Get off!" he howled and his three siblings laughed and did no such thing, clinging to his neck and waist. "Mom!" he yelled.

"What?" she called from downstairs.

"Help!"

His siblings giggled as he struggled to sit up and he heard his mother coming up the stairs. A moment later she arrived in the doorway and laughed at what she saw, Calli, Anora and Duren all piled up on top of Spayar in the most uncomfortable position. "What are you three doing?" she asked them, a smile on her face, and put her hands on her hips.

"Spayar's home mama," Anora said cheerfully, she had her arms around Spayar's neck, head under his chin.

"Yes I can see that," Relora said with a smile, amused by her eldest son's predicament. "I think he'd like to be able to stand up though."

"I would, yes," Spayar gasped because Duren was laying on his stomach and for only eight Duren already had their father's thick frame and body and was heavy. His little siblings giggled but when Relora told them to get up they did. Duren and Calli helped to drag Spayar to his feet. He took stock of himself and made sure he wasn't hurt.

"You three let your brother have a moment, he just came back from the west," Relora said.

"Are you staying longer than last time Spayar?" Calli asked. Gods she looked even more grown up than when Spayar had seen her a few weeks ago. It might have been the clothes, which were fashionable and the way she wore her hair. Spayar could already foresee his father growling at all the suitors his little sister would have soon, especially with a brother like Spayar. At least if he stayed as important as he was. He may very well be dead in the next year.

"Something wrong sweetie?" his mom asked him. Thinking about the coup made his chest tight, made him stare death in the face. If Von was killed there was no way the Asuras would let him live. He was too close to Von, too loyal. He'd never bend on another Le'Acard. He was d'alaer. It would be Von, or no one.

"Yeah, sorry I was just thinking about something," he smiled a little. "And I will be staying until his royal highness comes back from his trip at the least.”

"Do you know how long that is?" she asked.

"No but hopefully longer," he shook his head, "though the rains will keep everyone inside for a while,” they always did at the start of fall when the Meltong Basin started its wet season which was its autumn, it petered off after Lugalsta in the beginning of Lun usually. "He's coming from the coast though so I should have plenty of time to slack off," he grinned.

"Yes," Duren looked up at Spayar in delight, "will you teach me how to ride Spayar?" he asked.

"Ride a horse?" Duren nodded eagerly. Spayar cocked his head at his brother. Common folk in Assarus didn't normally have horses, his family hadn't had one until Von had given Spayar his mare a few years ago. His father had built the shed next to the house for her when Spayar was home. "Why?"

"Because I want to," Duren said.

"Uh," he looked at his mother.

"He's been bothering your father about it," his mother said.

"He said if you said yes he'd give me time out of the forge to practice," Duren said seriously.

"If I have time," Spayar said and that seemed good enough for Duren. He announced he was going to tell their dad and wiggled through the door their mother was still standing in.

"C'mon you two, let your brother take a bath," Relora said and shepherded her daughters out of the bedroom, closing the door after them to give him some privacy.

Spayar sighed once he was gone and could finally put his things away. He turned on another one of the lamps as he pulled out his dirty laundry for cleaning and put his weapons and bag away. He didn't travel with much and was used to packing up and leaving quickly. He rolled his eyes at the thought of Von summoning him when they were younger to go hunting or to visit some friend of his outside of Assarus for a few days. He was taking off his leather jacket when he felt the wrongness again and stopped as he undid the first buckle near his throat and looked around his room again. Someone was still in here with him, not just his little sisters and brother.

"Who's there?" he asked, there was no answer, "I know you're there; show yourself I don't have time for games." He honestly wasn't expecting anyone, but giving voice to his paranoia made him feel better. So when a piece of shadow broke off from one of the high corners of his ceiling and fell to the floor with a soft thud Spayar froze and went cold.

Spayar swallowed at what rose from the little puddle of darkness; a lonth. Lords of shadows they were all wizards or mages and lethal with any weapon including their hands. The Adoshade were one of the most southern houses in the Alliance before you hit the Kas’sca and incredibly small but powerful. This one in front of him wore his Shroud tight to his body, making his skin black and shiny like a bug's carapace, only his face and hair revealed. He was older than Spayar by only perhaps three years with nearly ruddy skin with black eyes and hair and looked like a Black Foot though removed some generations from the original people who lived within the lands of the LoHanJo'in province.

"Are you Spayar Hillsman junior?" the lonth asked, despite being from the coast like Peonia and the Garden which had similar accents that were quick, rolling and beautiful the Shade had a starkly different one that made them sound sort of slow. The Black Foot language was very meandering and since the Shade had come from the Black Foot their accent mimicked that.

"I am, who are you?” Spayar said.

"My name is DiSol Adoshade," they bowed a little to him, "Second son of LouSai, Shadow Lord." That made Spayar uneasy.

"What can I do for you DiSol?" Spayar asked keeping as calm as possible. Von said that the Adoshade had been quiet lately and killed anyone who came into their province, or at least any spies never returned. But it was the Adoshade, the Adoshade did not allow survivors to those they considered traitors.

"You are the d'alaer of Vondugard Le'Acard are you not?" he asked.

"I am."

"A worthy thing to give your life for then," and Spayar grabbed his power in case DiSol attacked him. DiSol didn't move towards him and Spayar realized that if DiSol had wanted to kill him he could have done it already or if he wanted to know Spayar wouldn't be able to stop him, lonths never let a target live.

"What do you want?"

“We need help and the Shadow Lord is dying,” he said.

"Excuse me?" dropping his power in pure shock. The Shadow Lord was dying?

"Virilia," the Asuras, "has sent my father threats if he does not cooperate. I'm sure you've heard we have closed the borders of our province to outsiders," Spayar nodded, "my father is very sick and has put my older brother in charge of defending DisAdo and keeping the house safe." Spayar knew DiSol's older brother, CoLan, nearly everyone in the Alliance knew him, they called him the Dawn Demon and he was a monster, the strongest lonth there had ever been. Ruthless and cunning without a good thing about him he was said to have no conscious and did his duty for the pleasure of the kill. "My brother is not a good leader," DiSol said and his Shroud retreated back from his body like seeping water revealing his gray mottled clothing, his Shroud becoming a cape behind him.

"I don't see why you need me."

"My brother has been killing Virilia's spies when they come and see what is going on in LoHanJo'in as well as anyone else who crosses from the Relua province into ours. I managed to convince him to let normal people to pass through unscathed but he doesn't like it. As I said, Virilia is sending my father threats, my brother sees them instead because he is acting Shadow Lord. He has gone into the Boggarts to find Black Foot to raise an army." Spayar paled, another house who wanted to raise an army. Black Foot used a type of magic that robbed people of their free will, they were puppet masters and if you had a band of Black Foot shamen in your army you could make the enemy dance for you. At least those were the stories. He hadn’t heard of an actual puppeteer in decades. "Virilia said that if we do not bend by the spring she will send an Arm to wipe us out and remind us that the Le'Acard rule the south, not the Adoshade and we will be an example to all the other houses."

"CoLan is gone now?" DiSol nodded, "Who is running DisAdo now?"

"With my brother gone, I am. My father sent me here to beg," he'd never heard of a lonth begging before. "My father says that a Le'Acard who managed to find themselves a d'alaer were good, better than most. The other princes or princesses couldn't help us, they wouldn't be able to move quickly enough. But His Highness Vondugard-" he seemed lost for words for a moment. "CoLan will be gone until spring, until then I am running DisAdo.”

"Vondugard has till then to move," Spayar said softly.

DiSol nodded, "When my brother returns he will set his army at the border of LoHanJo'in and wait for Virilia to move against him. If he does we will lose. We may win the battle but we will be crippled. Our harvests have been horrible this year, our resources will be tight on our people as it is, let alone needing to feed and supply my brother’s army. A small army of lonths can hold back one branch of the Alliance army but the Alliance is a bottomless well of people. Virilia will just find more people, send the other Arms. We will be crushed."

"I understand," Spayar said, nodding, thinking quickly. This was a lot to take in. He wasn't aware the situation with the Adoshade was quite so dire. And the bad harvests weren’t just effecting the central Alliance. Even somewhere as far away as LoHanJo’in was suffering, like a malevolent hand of a god was pressed across the land. He needed to find out what other provinces would also suffer a food shortage this year once the harvest was brought in. One thing at a time though. He needed to focus on DiSol and making sure he could handle what was needed there. "Can you promise Vondugard lonths when it is time?"

"I will give you as many as you want. The Shade need a new Asuras. We will not exist past the spring if Virilia remains where she is."

"Why didn't you just go to Vondugard himself with this?"

“Spies follow him everywhere. I am good, but I'm not invisible. And we know you have his ear. We know you will speak for him." Spayar came up short on that. He did? Since when? "Do we have his Highness' help?"

"Yes," Spayar said, "You do.” If they were going to die in the Conflict might as well try to come out on top first. “We will move as soon as we can. Try to stall your brother, the Asuras' furies are short lived she may not send an army to you. But if what you're telling me comes to pass you're saying we have till the end of winter to prepare," DiSol nodded. "What about your father?"

"He's sick."

"With what?"

"We don't know, and we don't know if he'll get better soon. It may be a long illness," DiSol frowned. "He sees the error of putting my brother in command, but he's too sick for his orders to remove CoLan to be taken seriously. My brother just says our father is sick and doesn't know what he's saying."

"He's really a demon," Spayar said.

DiSol smiled a little, fractured, smile, "It's why they call him the Dawn Demon," he said.

"Return to DisAdo and tell your father Vondugard will help you. I also want to send a healer with you to look at your father."

"We have some of the best-

"It wasn't a request," Spayar said, "I know if my father was sick I'd want all the help I could get."

DiSol looked up at Spayar with grateful eyes, he bowed a little, "Thank you Hillsman," he said.

"Also tell your father that when he's better he must ensure that your brother can never take the Seat of Shadows," Spayar said. "I don't care how but the Dawn Demon is too volatile to be Shadow Lord."

"I agree," DiSol said.

"That is the price for the prince's help, that his eldest son can never become Shadow Lord."

"A price he will be willing to pay," DiSol said.

"Give me a day to find my healer friend, she will go with you back to DisAdo and see to your father."

"You're too kind. I will give you to the ninth morning bell tomorrow," DiSol said and Spayar nodded. "Thank you Hillsman," he said again.

"Make sure the Shade are ready to move in the spring."

"We will be, I promise," and his Shroud once again wrapped around his body, turning him into a black insect and then it covered his face, only his black eyes visible. He bowed to Spayar and then went to the window and eased the shutters open. DiSol climbed onto the sill and instead of dropping like Spayar expected DiSol stood up and climbed onto the roof, a black tendril of his Shroud snaking down and closing the shutters, locking them behind him. Spayar shuttered.

He stood there a few moments, looking at the shutters before everything seemed accelerated. He needed to get another letter out to Galinsum to Sinso that whatever progress he'd made on those grenados needed to happen faster. There was an accelerated time table. He jotted it down, folded it and shoved it into an envelope to take to the post office. This needed wyrm postage. It needed to get to Galinsum now.

And he had to go see Mali, convince her to leave with DiSol and make the Shadow Lord well. And this was on top of all the other things he needed to get done in the time between Von returning from the gut, hopefully with good news about X’vazior at the least and hopefully others as well. What he needed was for Tassa to be home. He needed her.

He sealed the envelope with his personal mark and then spelled it so that if anyone but the intended recipient opened it it would burst into flames. He added an extra weave under that one so that if someone touched the top weave to investigate it that weave would trigger anyway. He rebuckled his leather jacket and grabbing the letter went back downstairs.

"Spayar where are you going?" his mother called as he grabbed his hat from the rack by the door

"Post office, then to see a friend, be right back," Spayar said, tucking the letter inside his jacket's breast pocket.

“Will you be back for dinner?”

“Yes,” Spayar said, looking at her through the window in the wall between the kitchen and the dining room. He could smell the wonderful food she was preparing.

"Is everything all right?" she asked, standing a bit more in view, the ceremonial scars on her forehead nearly touching from her furrowed brown.

He looked at her and frowned. He'd just cut his own life nearly in half with his agreement to help the Adohade. Before he'd had a year till the coup. With his declaration to help the Adohade he'd shortened it to just a few months. "No," he said and then turned and walked out the side door. Outside it was raining and Spayar put his wide, waterproof, hat on and walked off into the storm.

—

The rain during the fall was nearly constant in the Meltong Basin, and of course that was exactly where the winter capital was located, at the center of the Alliance. Spayar was watching the rain outside and people rush around under the awnings lining the sidewalks, or hunched over on horses or buggies. In the house it was warm and dry.

Mali was in the kitchen with his mother and he could hear the two of them talking, but wasn’t paying attention to their words. The sun had risen two bells ago but the sunlight was wane, wet, and gray. He was waiting for the ninth morning bell when DiSol would show himself and he and Mali would return to the LoHanJo'in province and DisAdo

He looked over when someone sat next to him, it was Calli. His perfect, proper, sixteen year old sister with more sense in her head than just about anyone Spayar knew. She was wearing a morning gown that came to her knees and had little yellow horses embroidered on it. She looked like she'd just woken up but yet was alert and keen. "Good morning," he said.

"Morning," she yawned a little, putting her hand over her mouth. "You're up early. Usually when his highness is away you sleep in."

"Busy," Spayar said, leaning against the arm of the chair. "Can't sleep now," literally. He'd tossed and turned all night and had dreams of a red eyed necromancer standing over his grave reading from the Red Book to summon a necrell that would take his soul to the Shadowed Lands. He hadn't been able to sleep after that nightmare.

"Busy with what?"

"It doesn't matter to you," he waved her inquiry away.

"Why, cause I'm a girl?" she asked.

He looked at her and laughed in her face, "Calli, I would never be so stupid as to keep a matter away from someone for as trivial a thing as gender. It doesn't matter to you because it literally has no bearing on your life if you know, and is better if you didn't know anyway."

"Why?"

"Because your brother is doing a very bad thing," he said softly looking away.

"Which is?"

He gave her a look, "If you're lucky you won't ever know," he said and looked back out the window. He could see the big bell tower from here, through the rain, its face illuminated from the inside, and knew it was close to the ninth bell.

"Spayar," Calli asked after a few minutes. He 'hmm'd at her. "Will you introduce me to some nobles?"

"Why would you want to do that?" though he didn't look at her.

"Because I want an interesting, wealthy, husband," and Spayar looked at her so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash.

"What?" he squeaked.

"I said-

"I know what you said," he waved her words away impatiently. "Calli, you're sixteen, and a commoner. You aren't obligated to marry," he reminded her.

"I know, but I will marry someone, someday."

"And you're sure you'll have a husband?" he challenged.

Calli came up short, she hadn't thought of that. Her brother would never have a wife like Duren probably would. He would never have children either. She thought about the implications of her sexuality for a moment, mulled them over and then said, "Yes, I will have a husband. I like boys, you're a good role model for liking boys," she smiled at him and he smacked her knee playfully, making her giggle. "And I want a good one. A courageous, handsome, wealthy, noble, husband," she said.

"Heh, well I can tell you bidi, those types of men are few and far between. Also why would you want a noble?"

"Because I never want to worry if something happens to us," Calli said. "Mama is always worried about you and I'm old enough to realize that if something happened to you..." she bit her lips, "dooim might not get as much business." He knew what she was saying. If he died in a coup, fighting against someone who beat Von, he'd be a traitor, and his family would be cast in that shadow. No one would want what his father made.

"Nothing is going to happen to me," Spayar promised. "And you don't want a noble husband. Nobles are awful. Trust me, I know plenty."

"But what about you?"

"What about me?"

She blinked and knew she needed to proceed carefully. She licked her lips before saying, "Aren't you in love with a noble?"

"What? No,” he scoffed

"So you're not in love with the prince?" and Spayar's face went slack and he flushed brilliantly, the color probably showing a bit on his dark skin. She smiled a little, "You have no room to talk about wanting a noble husband," she said.

He scowled at her, "It is a completely different situation. Vondugard is my best friend and my prince, of course I love him."

"You know what I mean."

"You're completely delusional," he waved her off. "And you don't want a stupid, prideful, noble for a husband. You're sixteen, and too young and good for most of them."

"I won't know unless I meet them though will I?" she asked.

"No," he said sternly.

"At least let me come to her highness' Talalsalla's naming day party this year," she begged. “Please,” she put both hands over her heart in a begging fashion. “I promise I’ll be good.”

He huffed through his nose and puffed his cheeks out a bit. She gave him her best doe eyes. "Fine," he grunted and rolled his eyes a bit.

She got out of the chair and hugged him tightly, "Thank you. Thank you,” and then kissed him on both cheeks and between the eyes.

"Yeah yeah," and the clock started to ring. Nine bells. "Now I need to go do stuff," he pushed her off gently and stood. "Mali," he called and went to the kitchen. His mother and Mali were in there standing at the kitchen table. Relora was packing Mali a bag of food while Mali tried to say she didn't need it but Relora just shushed her and packed it anyway. Spayar's eyes went to the window as the shutter eased itself open and a dark, man shaped, mass slipped into the kitchen. If Spayar hadn't been looking at the window he'd have missed it and it would be as if DiSol had just appeared.

"Having fun?" Spayar asked them.

"Your mother is too kind," Mali said, slightly beside herself.

"Nonsense. We're having a bad harvest this year and I doubt you'll be able to get as good of food as this elsewhere,” Relora said kindly. “And Dirinnan food is made to put meat on those bones,” and she patted Mali’s belly with all the gentle love a mother could muster.

“Relora-

“I insist,” Relora said firmly.

Mali sighed a bit theatrically. “Fine. Is he here?" Mali asked turning to Spayar. Spayar had told her why she was going to LoHanJo'in and why it was important she make LouSai well as soon as possible. She'd been very against it at first but like always he convinced her. It wasn't good having a soft heart around Spayar, he'd abuse if for all he could and despite her hard exterior Mali had a very soft heart.

"I am," and Mali and Relora both turned when DiSol spoke, standing behind them. Thankfully he wasn't wearing his Shroud over him, so he looked rather normal. "This is the healer you spoke of?" he asked Spayar, looking at Mali.

"Yes, this is Mali Thralluk," he said, "Mali, this is DiSol Adoshade."

"Never met a lonth before," she looked him up and down, "I expected them to be taller." DiSol frowned at her but didn't take the bait. Mali turned back to Relora, "Thank you so much Relora, you're too good to me."

"Of course dear. Any friend of Spayar's is always welcome at our home and table."

“We should leave, before the rain gets worse,” DiSol said emotionlessly.

”Right, c’mon,” he nodded to Mali and DiSol and they followed him out of the kitchen. Despite just being out in the rain DiSol wasn't wet so he didn't have to worry about the lonth tracking water into the house. They left the house and stood under the second story overhang that looked out onto the side yard. While he'd been gone his mother had picked some of the produce and that made him nervous. Usually she only picked the produce when there was a fear of it wilting or being washed away by the rains. She'd picked it early. "Mali is aware of the situation," he told DiSol, who nodded, "while she's there she'll be acting as Vondugard's voice."

"Does she have the same authority as you?" DiSol asked.

Mali and Spayar looked at one another. Neither of them kidded themselves in who was higher, who held more weight and authority, "No," he said. "But if she promises something for Vondugard it's likely to be carried out," he gave Mali a look to make sure she knew not to fuck it up. He trusted her though, After Tassa and Von Mali was one of his oldest friends, even if they hadn’t started on perhaps the most honest of terms. “She knows what to do, do you?"

"When we return to LoHanJo'in I'll keep my brother occupied and away from DisAdo for as long as I can."

"I'll send the summons for aid through Mali. You march on her say," DiSol looked at her and then nodded slowly. "Good," Spayar wracked his brain, what else could he do? Not much. He'd done everything he could really. "Safe journey," he kissed Mali on her cheeks and between her eyes, "Make the Shadow Lord well," he ordered.

"He'll be skipping through fields of flowers in no time," she promised him with a smile.

"I'll hold you to that.”

"Let's go," DiSol said seriously, "I've already been away from LoHanJo'in long enough. I need to get back."

"Goodbye Spayar," Mali said.

"Keep her safe," Spayar said sternly as he saw the two to the high walled fence, rain splattering across Spayar’s head. Mali's horse was in the shed with his own mare and she went to get it.

"You have my word," DiSol said, "no harm will come to her."

"I can take care of myself," Mali said, “I did my time, remember?” she gave him a look.

"Just let me worry a little," Spayar half pleaded.

She grinned, "We'll see you in spring," and DiSol drew his Shroud over his body and face as Mali put on her wide hat, mounted her horse and entered the rain again trotting out to the road, her horse seemed miserable. She waved and then turned the corner onto the road and was out of sight. A half moment later Spayar saw a black shadow streak after her. Spayar frowned after them. There was nothing he could do now. He'd done all he could. He closed the door and went back inside.

—

It was drizzling miserably while Spayar walked down the road bundled against the wet, his wide hat casting rain over his shoulder in a sick dribble. It never got cold in Assarus but it did get chilly and fall had come with a vengeance, dumping feet of rain in short order with the promise of more. It was expected in Assarus even this early in the fall. Asurala had started now and they had five weeks of miserable rain until it petered out in Neyjarra and finally stopped in Lun save for the normal rain storm until spring started and the Meltong flooded from the snow out west in the Spine melting.

He was in the middle of Uptown close to the mouth of the lake that the city surrounded. Tassa’s apartment was around here. Her father had bought it for her. Part to give her independence and part to get her to stop having sex all over his house. Spayar liked Kenna, he was nice, if having the personality of a mouse. He had always struggled to keep Tassa in line. Spayar didn't know where Tassa got it.

He was grateful to get out of the drizzle as he stepped into the foyer of a nice building. It was warm and dry inside with a guard desk who's main duty was to protect the mail slots along the front of the desk, keep any large packages, and call the actual guards should there be any need. Spayar shook himself just a bit on the mat inside the door to get the worst of the water off before stepping into the shiny wooden floors.

“Hello, can I help you?” the desk guard asked.

“Is Tassa Peony home?” he asked.

“I didn't see her leave this morning and the night guard didn't give any indication she hadn't been in all night.”

“Great,” Spayar said and signed his name on the guestbook. “I’m a friend,” he added.

“The young miss has lots of those,” the guard eyed him.

“No like actually,” Spayar chuckled and left the desk without saying much else.

Tassa had a ground floor apartment with a front porch onto the courtyard the building surrounded. As he got near he passed through the gentle cobwebs of a magical weave Tassa had coccooned the entrance of her home in. She might have been the daughter of a noble but that didn't mean the guards wouldn't have a good reason to arrest her. A bored mind and quick hands tended to get that sort of negative attention that would warrant such a weave. Spayar just coated his fingers in magic and gently pushed aside the ornately constructed threads that looked a lot like a larger and more complex version of the one on the back of his bedroom door. He just didn't need them touching him. Had he not been looking through magic he wouldn't have even seen it much less felt it.

He knocked inside the pocket free of magic right against the door. He made sure to knock loudly. Tassa came to the door after a solid minute of him knocking wearing a shift that was barely hanging off one shoulder her hair more disrupted than simple bed head would do. “Spayar?” she squinted at him. “What are you doing here at this hour?”

He looked at the clock on the post in the center of the courtyard, “It’s chems, Tassa,” he said.

“What? Chems?” she grumbled a little, “I stayed up too late.”

“Yes. May I come in, we need to talk.”

“Sure. I'll make something,” she yawned and waved him in.

Tassa’s apartment was as though a storm had ripped through it. It was one bedroom and bath and a living room and things lay in disarray all over. Papers and dishes were arranged hazardously on flat surfaces, brushes and makeup products lay scattered across tables and the floor. The couch looked more like a bed and a large pipe was leaned up against the wall. Spayar didn't mention any of it and just joined Tassa in her tiny kitchen where she was carelessly etching a weave in the air with magic coated fingers. The heat ring started glowing almost instantly. She put a pot from above on it and fingers still coated in magic connected two pieces of a larger weave together that caused the sink faucet to open and water to pour directly from it into the pot. It would disintegrate over time to stop the pot from overflowing.

She slouched onto the table across from Spayar, pulling a slender leg up to rest on the seat of the chair, casually brushing her hair with her fingers with mixed success. “Have fun last night?” he asked her, smiling.

“You’re lucky you're so pretty,” she groaned and rubbed her face. “Me and the girls went out last night down to the Den, got into some trouble.”

“Nothing serious?”

“Not even,” she sighed, “just welcoming me home.” As she said that a man left her bedroom, looked at the two of them and hustled out. Another bustled out quickly after him.

“Fun huh?”

“Would have been more fun with you around,” she said and rubbed the top of his hand.

“You know I don't like white guys,” he said with a grin.

“Well, most white guys,” she said.

“I assure you I don't know what that means.”

She pulled her hand back, “So what's up?” she asked and looked at the last person to stumble out of her bedroom. This was a lady in much better condition than the two men. “You the last one, love?” Tassa called.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah I think so,” she grinned at Tassa. Spayar vaugely recognized her meaning it was a friend of Tassa’s who didn't run in their circle. “You’re buying next time,” she waved as she left.

“She seems nice.”

“Uhhhhg, she's so hot I hate herrrr,” Tassa groaned and leaned on one arm.

Spayar laughed. “Yeah I can relate,” he said with a grin. Tassa got up and took the boiling water off the heat rim, deactivating the weave with a crook of her finger and poured the water into two mugs. She scooped an herbal mixture into two tea balls and put them into the cups. From a cupboard she produced beet sugar cubes, stained slightly pink for effect, some strawberries and two day old bread that was partially eaten to go with the butter on the table.

“Chems,” she announced grandeously as she set the tea and food down between them.

“How gracious. Your father wouldn't even recognize you,” he said, not adding any sugar to his tea while Tassa added about six.

“Hardy har har,” she stirred her tea with a weave of magic that turned it into a mini maelstrom. “What are you doing here and not a more appropriate hour of the day?”

Spayar popped a strawberry into his mouth. “I heard the thief lord died.”

“Uhg, not this now,” she moved her hair in annoyance.

“You didn't mention it when I saw you.”

“I forgot and by the time I remembered I figured you'd know already,” she said and sipped her tea.

“What’s this Cross guy like?”

“Western fence who got a taste for the business way I heard it. Came from a city around Galinsum I think. Showed up in Assarus few months ago, killed Jackertty with their own knife. He doesn't like people.”

“You mean he doesn't like you.”

“He’s skittish around girls. Meet him and you'll see why- no. Spayar stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” he asked, leaning on the table a bit, giving her his best innocent eyes.

“You don't want to meet Cross. He’s not like Jackertty.”

“I know.”

“He’s way more cut throat.”

“We’d get along then.”

“Spayar I am serious!”

“Me too. I can't have some unknown entity in my city. I use his hands as my eyes. Pays to visit the boss.”

“Spayar I don't-

He leaned across the table and put his hand on hers, “Tassura,” he said gently like the bastard he was. “I need your help.”

Spayar-

“Please, Tassura?” he kept his voice low and sweet. Only he and her father were allowed to call her Tassura, her real name. It was a soft and intimate familiarity that wasn't allowed by most Aldashi outside of family or their lovers. It was a weakness Tassa didn't let anyone have over her other than those few she loved. Spayar was a real wretch for using it now and he knew it.

“I— guess I could,” she said softly.

“Thank you,” he squeezed her wrist gently and let her go. “How was your trip back with Vondugard?” The prince wasn't back I'm the city yet. He'd taken a long route around and detoured down Maker’s End to the land around and past Gorum, see if any help could be drummed up there.

“He needed you,” she said.

“He sent me ahead-

“I meant in the past two years. You could have waited to serve time.”

“Again, also something I couldn't control,” Spayar said.

“He’s soft, Spayar. I worry.” Not about Von, Tassa was worried about Spayar. “X’vazior almost said no.”

“But did he?”

“No. I lied for him.”

Spayar sighed and rubbed his face, “He’s too nice is what you're telling me?”

“He cares too much to be an effective emperor,” she used the Aldashi word for it but Spayar knew it. Kenna called Verilia emperor when he was pissed at her, or when he spoke ill of the princes and princesses. Wasn't fully bilingual in any one Alliance tongue but Spayar knew enough in a lot of them to get by.

“He’s too nice,” Spayar groaned, still rubbing his face. “He’s always too nice.”

“If you don't want to get killed when Teldin finally attacks he needs to toughen up.”

“I know,” he put his hands down and sipped his tea. Tassa had two strawberries, the red juice staining her olive lips. “You’ll set something up with Cross for me?”

She sipped her tea. “ What do I get? You're a deal maker.”

“What do you want? And don't say sex you know I like girls even less than white boys.”

“Oh, I gave that up years ago,” she lied. Spayar knew she hated it was a lie too. “How about you owe me one?”

“An unspecified favor? Tassa you were hanging around the Peony too much,” he smirked.

“Is that a yes?”

“So long as it isn't sex, sure.”

“It isn't,” she rolled her eyes.

“Then yes. A favor. Just keep it of similar magnitude?”

“I will. Are you going to stay for the rest of chems?” she worried the point of a strawberry with her index finger distastedly.

“I guess. You made me tea and everything. It doesn't have anything in it does it?”

“Of course not,” she scoffed and popped the entire strawberry into her mouth. “You enjoy I'm going to get some real clothes on,” and she got up. Spayar privately rolled his eyes. Her shift was barely long enough to cover her buttocks in the back. He sipped his tea and buttered some bread.

Tassa ended up throwing a final, third, man out of her house while he got dressed. They cast a furtive look at Spayar as they scuttled away and he just smiled and waved. They grimaced and bolted, fearing him being her actual boyfriend. He just enjoyed the rest of the chems until Tassa came back out, brushing her hair with a wide toothed brush to get it under some control. “Want some help feeding the afternoon birds? You know they like me,” she leaned against his shoulder luxuriously.

“I’d be remiss to say no,” he said. She grabbed another strawberry and went to put on some shoes. Spayar crammed the last bit of buttered bread into his mouth and shot the rest of his tea before following her. “It’s still raining, bring an umbrella.”

“Who do you take me for Spayar?” she asked and selected one of her six umbrellas in the stand by the door. This one was wide and deeply curved, rain cloud gray on the outside with a red lace trim and an array of red hibiscus on the inside. It matched her wine bodice and scaldingly red leather breeches that clung to her legs and hips in a way that was meant to be distracting.

“Of course, I forgot to whom I spoke,” he teased and opened the door. “After you, my lady,” he swept his arm out teasingly.

“Oh thank you, my Lord. How gracious,” she said with an extra girlishly giggle and stepped out of her front door. The rain had intensified while he'd been inside. He put his hat on before stepping out and locking the door. Tassa waved a hand at the door, locking a weave across the front like a cage to prevent entry.

“Shall we, my lady?” he asked, offering her his arm.

“Oh my Lord,” she batted her lashes at him making him chuckle as she took his offered arm and they left the building complex through the front. Tassa opened her umbrella, sheilding them from unwelcoming eyes as they headed for one of the places Spayar went to to hear the news from his birds.

#Writeblr #writblr #Original fiction #Fantasy #original fantasy #Zs #Zealous servant

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team-adults-blog · 6 years

Text

5.04 Pandora’s Box

Appropriately titled seeing as the bunker is opened and all hell breaks loose! Broken into sections based on characters. Mainly Kabby tbh. At least two song references. Possibly other pop-culture references... I guess you’ll have to read to find out...

Kabby

Omg Dad!Kane what is happening??? Octavia I know you care what are you doing. OFC he grabs a shield. Abby is locked up? That’s where she is! AHHH! I was right of course he’s taking the fall for Abby. NATE. JACKSON. What is the plan??? INDRA? Save my guy! I mean I know he will live but the suspense and HEY HE IS GETTING HURT while I wait for you to rescue him. OH SHIT. He did not need saving mamaaaaa I just killed a maaaannnn He clearly didn’t want to do that. More shaky hands and “what have I done face” it’s ok bby I know you feel remorse and you will be forgiven.

What the hell Octavia? He fights again??? Get out. Uggghhhhhh this is torture let him live! Ok. If I take a step back, he’s fighting again because he hesitated and showed weakness. The crowd wants a strong winner. Got it. Doesn’t make me like it, but that’s how this system is running now. Mob mentality. Human beings in a mob… What’s a mob to a (red queen) what’s a (queen) to a god? What’s a god to a nonbeliever? Who don’t believe in anything? We make it out alive. Alright, alright, no church in the wild. You know I went a little further with that song than I intended, but it works because the era of commanders and the flame is over, Gaia didn’t like that, but she understands symbols and Octavia covered in blood is a strong symbol, I’ll give her that. She knows he didn’t do it. But it’s about appeasing the mob. Kane’s reply “we’re all guilty” FUCK ‘EM UP BRO! WE SO ARE. We so are. And then Octavia’s all eyeroll-y and not here for a philosophy lesson. I loved that exchange. Dad!Kane gets super philosophical with it and she doesn’t want to hear it so often. Is Indra going to help him? KINDRA FOREVER. No, she’s going to go talk to Abby. She is so smart. Indra is the best. Make her main. Jaha is dead. Isaiah is gone. You can pay Ms. Porter more okayyyyyyy. She’s been crushing her scenes. I’ve been saying this for years.

Back to Abby. How did no one catch the addiction six years ago? It was clearly an issue at day 46, so I’m surprised Jackson didn’t intervene sooner? Or maybe he did. But addiction is not easy and can drive people to do desperate things, like stealing medicine. Thank the lord Kabby gets another pre-death hug. Why is this a reoccurring thing? He’s going to live. I am not worried. Maybe if this was the end of the season or if Jaha hadn’t just died I’d be a little more worried.

Oh man. I said I wasn’t worried, but I’m a little scared. My boy is taking some serious injuries as he plays the Jesus card yet again. Octavia no! don’t hurt him! Of COURSE I was right. Just when he’s about to die the bunker opens and our man Bellamy comes in all spy-kids/ navy seals- pick the reference you prefer (also whats-her-face-main-woman was a SEAL soooo this is a reference AND the truth). Oh and here’s Clarke too. Bellarke is like. Shit. What blood pit did we drop into?

AND THEN KINDRA BFFS! I feel like Indra is always saving Kane? Kane has defended her, but she’s straight up saved his life at least twice in my immediate memory: When he was chipped in polis and she tackled him (and his poofy hair was wiiiillllldddddd) and here again when she gets him out of the bunker while Octavia isn’t looking. And then Clarke gets to hug mom and Kane again and I love it. Literally Clarke and Abby can’t be together for more than a few hours on this show. They were separated for SIX years. Then they get, what, two conversations, the second is her telling them to run! And then Abby comes back and makes sure Kane goes back to space with her (nice) but has to leave Clarke again. Jason, if this is the most important relationship on the show, please let them have a day or a week together.

Raven and Shaw I ship ittttttttttttt. Shaw’s already developing a crush and he hasn’t seen the beauty that is Raven Reyes. Good luck bro. OH! But he fell in love with her mind first. Aw this is great I like this. Please don’t ruin this for me. Murphy and Raven scenes were nice. Love Raven talking to Clarke on the radio. And then Murphy asks why Raven always has to be the one to sacrifice? Love him. What a hero move. I’m glad he gets to play the hero again for his sake, even if he should learn over this season that he has value in just being him. He got Raven to have some fun and kick around a soccer ball. He has value just for doing that.

Bellarke

Bellamy learning diplomacy. He’s come so far. And then we get a great Bellarke hug. It really was a sweet and pure moment and I don’t even care that Clarke didn’t get all the details she would normally want. Happy happy.

Major take-aways:

-Marcus Kane is a sacrificial angel, but he also has military training and can defend himself and kill a dude if he has to. But he doesn’t like it. Especially when it’s personal aka hand-to-hand combat and not with the distance of guns. He does it for Abby. And that’s why I love him. Also he is beautiful, inside and out. He has been blessed.

-Octavia has changed. That’s going to take some getting used to for Bellamy and the viewers.

-Shaw is the only “nice” guy, but is he really nice? He’s still following orders and appears to have betrayed the crew to help the prisoners take over the ship. But he’s got a moral compass, he’s just not living to it the way he wants to. That may change- he’s in survival mode right now with guns pointed at his head anytime he objects. I’m curious as to what made him rebel to get to where he is now. I’m also excited for Shaw to meet Raven. She doesn’t need a love interest, but *I* am a little interested in what that would look like. She could pull an Abby and help bring out the better man inside that’s hiding behind rules and following orders.

-Bellarke is hiz hop happening.

-Uh so everyone else from space squad is hiding in the woods with Maddi? I’d like to know what they’re talking about there- catching each other up and sharing stories. What stories did Clarke tell and leave out? Is Maddi going to ask Marper about how long Bell and Clarke have had heart eyes for each other? I wouldn’t mind seeing that. At the same time, I do understand that it is not exactly crucial to the plot; the idea is that they are safe. Not sure I need to see that, but it’d be cool.

-SO FAR THIS SEASON IS GREAT AND I LOVE THAT I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS THAT I CAN’T QUITE FIGURE OUT YET- like what is the sickness Abby needs to cure? Is it some toxicity from the minerals they were mining? That’s the only guess I’ve got and I am A-OK not having it figured out yet.

-I am worried Marcus going to space is a bad idea because he will be used as leverage to get Abby to do things she doesn’t want to do. No doubt there. But I’m ok with that because everything is ethically grey andddddd it means Kabby will have scenes together. AND they’ll be flipped from last season where Abby was just hanging out in Polis for a bit to be Ambassador Kane’s partner. Now Kane gets to be the Doc’s partner. He’ll probably still get a role because he’s a good diplomat and all that. But I like the idea of Abby having the major role to play and Kane hanging out as a love interest. Because GENDER NORMS. And Kabby talks and cuddles.

-When will Monty and Miller be reunited? And Miller and Harper were buds all the way back when they were locked up on the ark. I love reunionssssssss

#5.04 #s5 #The 100 #100 spoilers #this isn't even good why am I still making these

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medicatemedrmccoy · 7 years

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Holy Survey Batman

I was tagged by @outside-the-government (*shakes fist* haha j/k <333 )

Tagging: I haven’t kept up with who has and hasn’t been tagged. If anyone wants to, feel free and tag me :D

Keep reading tag because fuck, 85 questions, good lord.

1. Drink? Red diamond tea at work, homemade at home with a smattering of water here and there

2. Phone Call? My last phone call or who I call the most? Hang on let me dust off my recent calls list. Oh, right, no one, because even my mother knows to send me a FB message at the least if she wants to get ahold of me. Phone calls are the devil.

3. Texting? Oh lord, I have a ton. The bff, my mom, my dad, handfuls of random friends at any given time, coworkers, boss, will include tumblr messaging - same thing, @imoutofmyvulcanmind @bkwrm523 @arrowsshootyouforwards all day everyday<33 . I like to chit chat, can you tell? xD

4. Last song you listened to? I’m weird, I had It Ain’t Me - Kygo & Selena Gomez playing on my phone and had Just Like Fire - P!nk on my laptop.

5. Last time you cried? About a month or so ago after some bad news

6. Dated someone twice? Oh yeah, I should have saw all the warning signs way back when.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it? Yes, god so much

8. Been cheated on? Yes, it fucking sucks. Do everyone a favor and end the relationship first if you’re even thinking about cheating.

9. Lost someone special? Yes

10. Been depressed? Quite frequently

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up? Hahahaha oh god yes, but that’s a story for another time kiddos

Favorite Colors

12. Blue

13. Purple

14. Grey

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends? *gestures to all of Tumblr* All of you lovely people, and quite a few local ones.

16. Fallen out of love? Oh hell to the yes.

17. Laughed until you cried? Ahhh earlier today, but that’s also another story for a different time

18. Found out someone was talking about you? Uhhm, nope? Because I will talk shit about me right along with you haha

19. Met someone who changed you? I don’t think I’d use changed, as much as I would say someone who helped me get back to some semblance of the person who I used to be

20. Found out who your friends are? Hahahahaha oh yes. Let’s just say I had to make all new ones, from the ground up.

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list? Yup.

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl? The majority of them but I have a few close internet friends that I have on there.

23. Do you have any pets? I wish :(

24. Do you want to change your name? Yes

25. What did you do for your last birthday? Sat in my house quietly and waited for it to pass.

26. What time did you wake up? 5:30am almost everyday I cry. My brain thinks I like to be up at that time most days. Sometimes earlier

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? Cruising reddit, or playing a game/reading most likely

28. Name something you can’t wait for: Summer to be over. Is 121F even sustainable for life? Someone send us some cool air.

29. When was the last time you saw your mom? Sunday

What happened to 30?

31. What are you listening to right now? The AC chugging along, trying to keep up with this heat and The Sun Will Rise - Kelly Clarkson

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? I probably have in all reality, but I can’t think of any off the top of my head so I’m going to say, no.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves? The fact that I bought this house brand new barely a year ago, and its fucking falling apart already it seems xD, the cost of buying a car tag/plate, this fucking heat, work, ect

34. Most visited website? Aside from Tumblr? Probablyyyyy Reddit

35. Hair color. Darkish brown

36. Long or short hair? Short, short, super short!

37. Do you have a crush on someone? Nah, ain’t got time for that nonsense.

38. What do you like about yourself? Uhhhh, fuck, can I phone a friend?

39. Piercings? Just one in each ear. I am not very exciting, Im sorry.

40. Blood type? AB+, iirc

41. Nickname? Kat, kitten, neko, gato and basically anything else anyone comes up with

42. Relationship status? siiinngglee but I’m taking applications

43. Zodiac? Virgo/Libra cusp

44: Pronouns: She/Her.

45. Favorite TV Show: Oh geez. Maybe Game of Thrones? Walking dead? Supernatural(although not so much as of late) Its really hard to choose :(

46. Tattoos? Nope, although I do want one

47. Right or left handed? Right.

48. Surgery? Oh lord, uh I fell through a window when I was like 4, so that was pretty extensive surgery on my hand and foot, still have the scars, drunk driving accident when I was around 15(wreckage inspiration), lasik on my eyes, which has failed already(hello glasses my old frienddd), TFCC tear on my wrist(fucking sucked) and I think thats it?

49. Piercing? See question 39…?

50. Sports? I used to play soccer up until high school, not much anymore unless you consider the occasional jog a sport? I like to go kayaking as much as possible, also not sure thats a sport?

51. Vacation? Vacations? What are those? I haven’t had a proper vacation since I went to Cancun in like 2002.

52. Pair of trainers? I am a woman who loves shoes, please don’t make me choose. I do dig my Roos and Nikes though

53. Eating? shelled peanuts

54. Drinking? Water and tea.

55. I’m about to? Get a hand cramp typing out all these answers

56. Waiting for? For my metaphorical ship to come in *grows beard*

57. Want? Someone to come and knock on my door and either hand me a big check, or say “Hi, I’d like to take care of you and pay your bills for the rest of your life.”

58. Get married? Hell no, never again. See #8

59. Career? Im a jack of all trades, master of none at the office. My title encompasses a lot and don’t have a specific title, but mostly Accounting.

60. Hugs or kisses? Hugs

70. Turned someone down? Yup, its becoming old hat at this point

71. Sex on the first date? No, hello demisexuality

72. Broken someones heart? Yes, it was pretty terrible. I still feel awful about it

73. Had your heart broken? That would require you to have a heart in the first place, right?

74. Been arrested? Not officially, but since my uncle is a sheriff, some of the guys think its hilarious to pull me over in town.

75. Cried when someone died? Yes.

76.. Fallen for a friend? Yeap

do you believe in…

77. Yourself? Hahahaha nah, I’m just wingin it

78. Miracles? Uhhhmmm, no, not really, just circumstances.

79. Love at first sight? Nah

80. Santa Claus? Nah, never did, my dad is a scrooge and never put up the charade

81. Kiss on the first date? Eh, it depends, usually its just awkward, or that could still be my demisexuality talking

82. Angels? Only the angels among us. In the medical field, saving lives, the people feeding the hungry, clothing the homeless. The people here trying to truly do good.

83. Current best friends name? I’ll go with two. Local - Tamara and here @imoutofmyvulcanmind aka loveable little nerd aka Luci

84. Eye color? Hazel. Brown inner ring with green on the outside

85. Favorite movie? Definitely Wonder Woman now. Sorry Star Trek :(

#about me meme #now im tired

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baaabyjane · 7 years

Text

ACOWAR IS COMING *theories*

I HAVEN’T READ THE SPOILERS YET AND I DON’T WANT TO BECAUSE IT WILL RUIN THE FIRST TIME FEELS.

A lot of questions and probable scenarios have been driving me to insanity, and other people’s theories have me short circuiting with excitement and dread.

JUST A FEW MORE DAYS AND WE’LL BE ACTUALLY READING ACOWAR. AND I FEEL LIKE I DON’T WANT TO KNOW BUT I GOTTA KNOW.

1. Who will die? Death says that we’re being greedy and SJM had to give one of the Inner Circle.

2. What is Amren really? PLEASE BE A DRAGON. MAYBE LIKE A WYVERN BUT NOT? (I really miss Abraxos can’t you tell? But Lol wrong series)

3. How is Cassian’s wings? THOSE WINGS BETTER BE GOOD AS NEW OR I LOSE MY SHIT (We could always use spider silk but then again Lol wrong series)

4. Is Azriel and Morrigan okay now? QUIET BABY BAT BETTER BE HEALTHY AND WHY ARE THERE PEOPLE THEORIZING THAT MORRIGAN IS MATES WITH THE KING OF HYBERN??? THIS BETTER NOT BE REAL OR I WILL BREAK THINGS, PREFERABLY THE KING OF HYBERN’S BONES

5. How different is Nesta? Nesta wasn’t described as Fae, she was said to be different. PLEASE TELL ME SHE’S ILLYRIAN! WE NEED CONFIRMATION

6. Is Elain freaking out or is she handling the Fae life like a pro? SHE WAS ENGAGED INTO A FAE-HATING FAMILY, NOW SHE’S FAE AND APPARENTLY HAS A MATE.

7. Is Lucien still an idiot? IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH ELAIN, YOU BETTER JOIN THE SQUAD AND WORK FOR IT

8. Is Feyre’s Mom still alive? What the hell has their Dad been doing? THERE’S SOMETHING REAL SHADY AF ABOUT THEIR PARENTS

9.THE WALL? WE KNOW IT’S GONNA COME DOWN BUT WHEN??? IT’S GOING DOWN I’M YELLING TAMLIN STOP HELPING HYBERN YOU FUCKING TOOL

10. TAMLIN’S REDEMPTION? I WILL ASSUME THAT HE WILL COME TO HIS SENSES AND THAT TOOL WILL TRY TO FIX THINGS *laughs hysterically and rolls into the sunset*

11. IANTHE IS TAMLIN’S BABYMAMA? SHIIIIIIIIIT WHAT IF THAT BTCH REALLY IS PREGGERS? I just don’t like that the evil scheming priestess bitch finally got what she wanted: A BABY WITH A HIGH LORD “What happens in Calanmai, doesn’t stay in Calanmai.” BUT WHAT IF TAMLIN DIDN’T PARTICIPATE IN CALANMAI? That would be stupid because they need that ritual for their lands but I wouldn’t put it past Tamlin because he’s been making really bad desicions lately and he’s been a whiny spoiled child about Feyre.

12. FEYRE WITH RHYSAND’S BABY? YAASSS BABY FEYSAND But wait, there’s a war Hmmm Lmao sorry little babybat jr. but not yet

13. What about the Smut? Tamlin will most likely try to start something with Feyre back at Spring Court, I really think she’ll be able to turn him down easy. ON OTHER NEWS, FEYSAND NEEDS TO VISIT THAT LINGERIE SHOP AND LET’S NOT FORGET THAT WALL SCENE WE WERE PROMISED *winks with both eyes*

14. THE SURIEL BETTER BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE SECRET REVELATIONS I’m just looking for any excuse to have the Suriel and Feyre get together again #BFFs

15. CHARACTERS? Are we ever gonna find out the King of Hybern’s name? WE’RE GOING TO MEET MIRYAM AND DRAKON YAAASSS! WE’RE GONNA SEE TARQUIN AGAIN! Hopefully, we’ll get to meet new characters from the other courts since we’ve only been to 3 out of 7 and das not gud. WE NEED ALLIES! Putting the two halves of the Book of Breathings together will release power that will call to creatures kinda like Amren that are trapped in this world and cannot come back to their own, ARE WE GONNA ENCOUNTER THEM? ARE WE GONNA HAVE TO FIGHT THEM? COULD THEY BE ALLIES? *mutters prayer for TOG crossover*

16. The Return to the Spring Court? I would like to think that Feyre will have people there who would help her. Alis has helped her many times before, maybe she’ll help her again. Lucien is suspicious of her but he wants to be with her sister. She’ll be spying and snooping around to learn about the King of Hybern’s plans, maybe she’ll find secrets like Illyrian wings used as trophies and souvenirs from the old Human Slavery Age.

17. FEYRE’S POWERS? How much more has she developed? Will she delve more deeply into her power? Will we see more of the powers that she only rarely uses? Will she have new powers we’ve never seen her try before? Hopefully. I’M SO EXCITED FOR HER TO GO ALL BADASS AND BLOW EVERYONE AWAY literally and figuritavely.

18. RIDDLE? FORESHADOWING? “Unmade and Made; Made and Unmade—that is the cycle. Like calls to like.” The Cauldron and Feyre must be unmade, what? Idk about the Cauldron but it feels like it pertains to Feyre because she was made into Fae by the powers of the Seven High Lords of Prythian. Is Feyre gonna be the one to die? Is she gonna become human again? Or maybe this quote just meant how The Book of Breathings and Feyre are similar? WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN? THIS IS GIVING ME NAMELESS IS MY PRICE VIBES

19. ACOWAR WILL HAVE ELEMENTS FROM SNOW WHITE? ACOTAR was Beauty And The Beast, ACOMAF was Hades and Persephone, how will ACOWAR be like Snow White?

20. So where’s that TOG and ACOTAR crossover I’ve been praying for? YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT, TOO.

P.S. I’M REALLY SORRY BUT I DON’T HAVE ANY POTATO ON ME. PLEASE DON’T JUDGE ME.

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tonethegay · 7 years

Note

1-104 😅

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? - good morning

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?- we don’t talk anymore, we don’t talk anymore 🎶

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?-depends on what kind of drugs

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?- it’s exactly 6

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?- what’s all these questions about kissing 🙄

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?- i went through a confusing time in my life. when you’re gay it happens

7. What does your last received text say?- Girl I will.

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?- oh my god 😒

9. Where was your last kiss at?- lord please help me 😑

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?- live with one so everyday, the other one is here now and the last one i haven’t seen in a really long time

11. What do you drink in the morning?- water 💦 or milk 🍼

12. Where did you sleep last night?- my bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard?- can be

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?- no

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?- this thing is obsessed with kissing sheesh

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?- rainy

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?- i don’t have a middle name 🤷🏼‍♀️

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?- basketball shorts 🏀

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?- i don’t know, probs not cuz i suck

20. Does anyone like you?- maybe

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?- 😏 jk no

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?- no

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?- yes ! most definitely

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?- i have 3 so it’s possible 💁🏼

25. In the past week have you cried?- almost did today

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? - the mutts in my house

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?- out of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?- again with the kiss sheeesh but yes

29. Do you think you’re old?- nope still young

30. Do you like text messaging?- yes i do

31. What type of day are you having?- it was really shitty but it’s okay for now

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?- yes i have

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?- cold

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?- um yes my nephew

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?- i prefer happiness

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?- a bit of both

37. What song are you listening to?- nothing atm

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?- always !

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?- yes there is i call her my best friend

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?- it depends on what you mean by like

41. When did you last receive a text message?- 3 minutes ago but by the time i finish this it’ll probably be 10

42. What is wrong with you right now?- my neck hurts and i just wanna be able to do what i love and people accept it they don’t even have to support me just accept it is all i ask

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?- pretty well i suppose

44. Does anyone disgust you?- yeah probably

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?- no

46. Are you in a good mood right now?- eh

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?- my sister

48. What color shirt are you wearing?- the base color is black but it has purple and green on it

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?- yep

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?- never, i don’t give up on people

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?- no

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?- yes

53. Do you like rain?- yes

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?- no i do not care at all as long as they aren’t constantly doing it

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?- yes

56. Do you like to cuddle?- i mean who doesn’t !?

57. Are you shy?- sometimes i can be

58. Do you get along with girls?- i most definitely do

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?- yes

60. What do you carry with you at all times?- myself

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?- fuck no well maybe do i have to be alone in said house !?

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?- yes

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?- no

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?- yeah. forehead kisses are adorable.

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?- my best friends other best friend had an adorable little boy

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?- back at it again with the kissing questions

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?- i don’t do my nails

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? - zebra

69. Do you have any stickers on your car? - yes and i wish the damn thing would come off

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? - Lil Wayne

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? - iphone 📱 da fuck

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? - far too long and i was just saying i wanted some damn pizza hut today. someone bring me some !?

73. Do you like diet soda? - ew no

74. What color are the walls in your room? - a beautiful lime green

75. Are you 16 or older? - i’m going to be 24 on the 11th 🙌🏼

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? - fuckkkkk yes

77. Do you have a job? - sorta

78. What are your initials? - TR (how lame right)

79. Did you ever have braces? - i sure did ! and it was the best decision i ever made. money well spent

80. Are you from the south? - nope i’m from the Bronx

81. What does your last status on facebook say? - something about watching me stream on twitch or beam

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? - nope

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? - dads dead and don’t talk to my mom much but i guess we have to say my mom considering she’s alive and we communicate but when i was younger before my dad passed it was definitely him

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? - no i haven’t

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?- i think Captain America Civil War86. Do you smoke? - i do not

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? - slides

88. Is your phone touch screen? - obvi it’s the 21st century for christ sake

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? - curly cuz that’s natural and nothing about me is straight 😄

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? - no i love in the boonies so hell no

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? - pool

92. Have you ever made out in a car? - goals

93. …Had sex in a car?- double goals

94. Are you single or in a relationship? - single

95. What were you doing last night at midnight? - working on some streaming stuff and on facetime with my bff

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? - the 4th of July 97. Do you like the camera on your phone? - yes i do

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? - lmao yeah

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? - nope

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? - hell no

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? - lmfao 😂😂😂 no

102. Name your favorite Kesha song: - oh my god that’s hard cuz she’s a freaking musical god

103. Do you have any tan lines right now? - yes i always have tan lines not really dark ones tho

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? - that looks ridiculous

1 note · View note

jessicabenson · 7 years

Text

Fighting On.

On September 3, 2016, USC lost to Alabama by 46 points.

By no means should they have made it to the Rose Bowl 4 months later.

On January 2, 2017, I embarked on the day trip from hell to Los Angeles.

By no means should I have made it to the Rose Bowl 14 hours later.

About two and a half weeks ago I asked my boss for a personal day on January 2nd. I’d come down with a case of the “I’m 24 and On The Verge Of A Quarter Life Crisis” blues and was fortunate enough for Santa Claus to FedEx me a pair of Rose Bowl tickets. OK FINE, Santa Claus is my dad. Karl came up clutch.

Chris and I were both given the day off. In our industry this is like a pot of flippin’ gold, so bottom line, it better be worth it.

My mom was going, too. She’d planned to go from the moment USC made it in even though she was recovering from extensive surgery that she’d had the week after Thanksgiving. But, if you’ve met Sharon, God forbid you tell her she can’t go to a college sporting event she’s planning to attend. I hadn’t seen her since the surgery, and suddenly seeing USC in the Rose Bowl with my mom became the most important thing to me in the whole wide world.

She had two tickets and no one to go with. I sent a text to two of my friends asking if either needed a ticket.

My friend Janet responded yes instantly; that she’d been on StubHub that very minute looking for a ticket. She won the lottery. Sorry, Paige.

Janet and I have had some great memories at the Rose Bowl. We had worked the 100th Rose Bowl and final BCS National Championship Game (RIP, BCS) together when we were students at USC. Then there was the time she got us kicked out of the Beyonce/Jay-Z concert. Ask her about it! It’s her favorite story to tell!

Alright, back to business.

With this trip on the horizon, I had my groove back. It was the kick in the pants I needed to head into 2017 with some pep in my step.

So, on January 2nd, I trotted into the Memphis airport humming “Tusk” and holding up a “Fight On!” while Sia’s “The Greatest” blared from the airport speakers.

“Don't give up, I won't give up

Don't give up, no no no….”

Chris brought his GoPro and said, “Oh this song will be perfect for the video I will put together of the trip!”

Ha…haha….hahahaha….

Our flight was scheduled to leave Memphis at 6 a.m. I had chosen for us to fly through Houston instead of Denver because I’m a genius and didn’t want snow to cripple my great day.

I’m a moron. The apocalypse hit Houston.

“Hi folks…”

Why do all pilots use the word ‘folks….’

“…the Houston airport has closed off all incoming and outgoing flights because of thunderstorms. It should only be a 30 minute delay or so. We’ll keep you posted.”

We only had an hour to make our connection so my nerves started pumpin’ real hard.

Chris assured me we’d be alright. The flight attendant assured me we’d be alright. We finally took off, and I got a text from my dad saying our flight from Houston to LAX was delayed, too, and that we should have no problem making our connection.

I breathed. I slept. I smiled.

“Hey there folks!”

I jolted from a deep, neck-scrunched-against-the-window sleep.

Folks…the word of death….

“I’ve got some more bad news. We are in a holding pattern as the Houston airport is closed again. We’re circling around Louisiana but we’re going to run out of fuel in about 45 minutes, so if it’s not open by then we’ll have to divert.”

The clock said 8:25. Our flight to LAX had been rescheduled to take off at 9:15.

I ate not one, but two, waffle cookies the flight attendant gave me. No New Year’s resolution diet could exist in a time like this.

At 9:22 we were diverted to San Antonio, TX. It was 60 degrees and sunny.

There was a single flight from San Antonio to LAX.

It was overbooked.

With the help of Karl, we were rescheduled onto another flight out of Houston, this one leaving at 10:45 and getting us to LAX at 12:30 p.m.

I looked out the plane window. We were surrounded by eight other airplanes, all waiting for fuel.

“It should only take about 20 minutes!” The words of our pilot. No “folks” included. I should’ve seen this as a sign that he was a Lying-Mc-Liar-Pants.

We waited in line for fuel, which turned into waiting in line for an open runway to take off to Houston which was now perfectly sunny and beautiful and wtf weather why you gotta be like that.

The clock ticked 10:25 as the wheels went up.

Travel agent Karl informed us we could get on the standby list for an 11:45 flight that landed at 1:30 p.m. PST. At this point, I didn’t care if we made kickoff, I just wanted to get there by half time.

In what should be investigated as the longest flight ever between San Antonio and Houston, we landed at George Bush Intercontinental Airport at 11:30 a.m.

We were at Gate C8. The mystical 11:45 flight (which was - shocking! - rumored to be delayed) was at C46.

Chris took off in a sprint.

I ran like the gazelle I’ve always aspired to be.

Just kidding, I huffed and I puffed and my Uggs started to give me blisters and at some point I took my sweater off and tied it around my waste like a 90’s mom at Disneyland and somehow those two waffle cookies didn’t end up on the ground in front of me. Saying “Diet starts back up, Monday!” for the last four weeks was really biting me in the ass.

Let’ go back to Sia’s “The Greatest”:

“Uh-oh, runnin' out of breath, but I

Oh, I, I got stamina

Uh-oh, running now, I close my eyes

Well, oh, I got stamina…”

We reached the gate. The plane had already been closed. No delay, no magic.

We just laughed.

At this point the only chance we had was to reroute to Orange County and then drive to Pasadena. The flight would land at 2:35.

This is the part where I remind everyone that kickoff was at 2:00.

Well, we can make the second half!

I calculated that if we landed at 2:35 we could be in a car by 2:40 and at the Rose Bowl by 3:40. We could make it by the 3rd quarter.

“Well we can hope for the world’s longest game and a USC 4th quarter comeback! Maybe some overtimes, too!” I joked.

Boarding was set to begin at 12:08. At 12:20 we were still waiting.

“Just an update everyone, the flight attendants for this flight were coming from an international flight and they’re now stuck in Customs, so we can’t do anything until they make it through.”

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

I still didn’t lose it! I still didn’t cry!

When we were still sitting on the runway at 1:35, nearly an hour after our scheduled departure, that’s when I cried.

But, what can you do?

The only thing that went right at that point was that this flight had DirectTV which meant I was going to watch kickoff from the sky. So technically, I had the coolest seat of all. THE SKY!!!!

(Literally trying to keep that whole return of “Look On The Bright Side Jess!” at the forefront here).

The flight attendant gave me a free Heineken.

USC and Penn State decided to throw me a bone in the form of a bajillion pass plays followed by: Touchdown. Review. Touchdown. Review. The clock ticked slowly.

We made up some time in the air and landed in the OC at 3:04 on the dot. The 1st quarter had just ended.

Oh my lord, we have a chance.

This is where you meet our new bff, Moe. Moe was the driver of the car picking us up. He waited at baggage claim with one of those signs that said “J. Benson” and had a luggage cart waiting.

Chris and I sprinted towards him.

“Hello, are you Jessica? I’m driver, M...”

“LET’S GO MOE!”

“Where is your luggage?”

“WE DON’T HAVE ANY!”

We traveled with a single backpack filled with our toothbrushes, toiletries, a pair of yoga pants if I decided to take a 6 a.m. SoulCycle class before our flight out the next day (spoiler alert: this was not happening), my small purse, Chris’s wallet and a brush. We’d planned to drop it off at the hotel when we landed at, oh I don’t know, 10:45 a.m. like we were supposed to, but now it was totally expendable. We had every intention of transporting our things into one of those game-friendly plastic bags (backpacks not allowed in the stadium) and ditching the backpack in the Rose Bowl parking lot.

Moe hustled with us to the car. Moe is a baller.

What if I told you…there was a day where there was zero traffic between Orange County and Pasadena? We seemed to fly down the 405 to the 605 to the 5 to the 110. We made it in 53 minutes. I just looked at how long it would be estimated to take right now. The answer is 1 hour and 47 minutes.

But like, you still didn’t think we were in the clear right? Because if you did you have not been paying attention.

The Rowl Bowl didn’t allow passenger drop off. The closest we could get was about a mile out.

I gave Moe a giant hug.

And again, we ran.

And again…why had I taken a 4-week hiatus from the Kayla Itsines workout plan?

We got to the gate closest to our seats, Gate G.

“Do you have any plastic bags?” we managed to choke out between coughs.

“No, try Gate A.”

So we ran again.

“Do you have any plastic bags?”

“No, we’re out. You’ll have to check your bag at Gate C.”

At that point, we’d be running around almost half the stadium.

“Don’t be a quitter!” Chris yelled at me.

“But I’m going to throw up!” I screamed back.

This is love.

We checked our bag. Lost in this moment was my happiness to not have to part with my backpack. We entered at Gate C. We had to walk all the way back to the Gate G area to get to our entrance tunnel.

We walked up the stairs right after Penn State scored in the opening minutes of the 3rd quarter.

I saw my mom. I saw Janet. Instant happiness washed over me. They greeted us with hugs and at that point more importantly, beers. The girl in the seats next to us had gone to one of the high schools in my hometown of Highlands Ranch, CO. Everything seemed to be falling into place perfectly.

We proceeded to watch Penn State score 28 points in the 3rd quarter.

And then we proceeded to watch a damn miracle.

I can’t describe the happiness I felt as Ronald Jones II ran it into the end zone wearing Joe McKnight’s No. 4 jersey to get USC back within a touchdown.

I can’t put into words what it was like to watch a freshman quarterback, Sam Darnold, throw his 5th touchdown pass to tie the game with 1 minute and 20 seconds left on the clock.

People joke that I went to USC during the worst four years of football. But everything - from the sanctions to Kiffin being left on an LAX tarmac to Sark- all became so worth it when Matt Boermeester nailed a 46-yard field goal to win the Rose Bowl.

As I stood watching USC win the Rose Bowl with my mom, my boyfriend and two of my best friends all I could think was, “Holy hell this day went from being one of the absolute worst to the absolute best.”

And couldn’t we all use that reminder as we enter the New Year? Pick a cliche, any cliche, but often times the best things come just after we think things can’t get any worse.

From USC football fighting its way back into the national spotlight; to 14 hours of travel that included 3 flights, 6 potential missed connections, 2 diversions, an hour car ride and a 2 mile run that landed me in the Penn State section at the Rose Bowl...you just cannot ever give up.

Because if you do, you might miss the part where the impossible transforms into one of life’s greatest moments.

After all, is that not what it means to “Fight On”?

As we walked down the steps of the Rose Bowl, no joke, Sia’s “The Greatest” played in the background.

“I'm free to be the greatest, I'm alive

I'm free to be the greatest here tonight, the greatest

The greatest, the greatest alive

The greatest, the greatest alive…”

The day was perfect.

The next day our flight to Denver was delayed 4 hours, we missed all connecting flights to Memphis and got stuck at the airport for the night. It was 18 degrees, we had no extra clothes and didn’t make it home until 2 p.m. on Wednesday, January 4th.

Again, it was perfect. And most of all, it was so worth it.

vimeo

1 note · View note

priss27 · 6 years

Text

Little things to be thankful for

One week at a time.

(08Jan) Thankful for the safe welcoming of the year. I had time to visit the province and be with someone that makes me happy.

(14Jan) - All the sorrow and pain but I will not fall. I will stand and keep my smile - keep myself sane. Although I fail - I will not give up. Even others give up on me, I will brush it off and still be my best for no one takes notes but the Lord. I will still keep going and praise the Lord Almighty for all blessings he has given me. This is just one small piece of pain. This is not yet the end.

(15Jan) Thankful for pain - makes me feel alive though hurting, still I know I’m able to give love despite lack of assurance. Thank you for another set of mornings to be filled with blessings. A huge thank you in advance for giving me wisdom and courage for the next choices and decisions I will have to make. I will keep on going, moving forward according to your will my Lord.

(22Jan) Thankful for numbered days. For continued life. I am already healed by You Lord. Though I feel pained and tired, I know you will never leave my side. [Thank you, Lord, for the way you guide me in prayer. Help me to come to you in thanksgiving before I do anything else. Let gratitude be the foundation of my prayer life. I make the decision today to put aside complaining, being thankful in prayer instead.

(29Jan) Thankful for giving me strength all week and the coming next. For providing me all I need to survive. Thank you Lord. I praise you with all I am.

(31Jan) Disregard all unwanted thoughts and negative feelings. Focus on the good, the light, the bright and the awesome things the Lord has created for us.

(05Feb) Thank You for replenished strength.

(12Feb) Lord, thank You for second chances, for new mornings, for awesome drizzles that clean us everyday.

(13Feb) Thankful for forgiveness - teach me Your ways to forgive so that my burdened heart will not be as heavy as it is right now.

(18Feb) Thank You for creating us being creative as You are. Thankful for art in all shapes and sizes.

(19Feb) Thank You Lord for re-softening my iced-stoned heart again. I may be stubborn but I love being moved by your grace.

(24Feb) Thankful for the way You bless us, and how we can share it in small amounts to people who needs help.

(25Feb) Thank You Lord that even if I do not eat food nor bread, I can survive with just water and of course You.

(26Feb) Thank You Lord for giving me strength to finally wake up.

(28Feb) Thank You for these amazing talents You give to Your creations I get to have my own laptop.

(04Mar) Thankful for online people for keeping me sane.

(06Mar) Thankful for good food [Mom & Tina’s]

(13Mar) Thankful for good movies. [for good sad movies: Logan]

(16Mar) Thankful for all Your creations. Thankful for ELYU.

(19Mar) Thankful for strangers from different countries. They’re much more warmer than my fellow people. why tho

(26Mar) OT hell week. But still thank You Lord for giving me strength to survive this week.

(02Apr) How long has it been? Three weeks? I missed church for three weeks. I’ve been lazy for three weeks. I’ve been worrying about a lot of things these past three weeks. Of course, first on my list is the queen B. I felt attacked - this is the first word that came out of my mind. It seemed that you weren’t feeling me. I’m feeling so down and depressed from you subtly moving and creeping away. AND I CAN’T. I just can’t. Because I thought the Lord already brought you to me as someone I can love, as someone I can be with, as someone I can be normal with. I thought that magical serendipity was the sign. But I guess my imperfections made you back off.

(03Apr) It was said that one cannot give away something they have not yet tasted but then I always give to people what I have not yet experienced but always wanted to.

(09Apr) Thankful for seminars! This is my first time trying to go in one. Thankful for new people, I hope I can be a normal person and make friends with them. [but lol no I don’t want to be normal, I liek me weird]

(10Apr) Thank You for sideline. YAY!

(11Apr) Thank You for Walkway!

(16Apr) Easter Sunday @ Walkway! Thank You for lots of blessings! A week full of new people! Free coffee c/o Bebs. Free lunch @ merch booth! Free tickets for the Switchfoot concert! Free shirt of Walkway c/o people from Church Simplified! Free Switchfoot shirt c/o Switchfoot’s manager? from helping SF merch booth! Thank You for putting me in a circle of wonderful creators, of awesome artists!

(20Apr) Thank You for pubs? Thank You for new people! :) *kilig*

(21Apr) Thank You for good music, play? What is Hamilton tho

(23Apr) I just found out she messaged me through Viber - as I just recently vented out my thoughts to manong [Girard Moses] Thank You for slowly letting me move on from this person - but if allowed, can I least get a closure? I don’t want to think and feel that it’s always my fault when clearly it’s not. We just didn’t have enough communication because I do not know where I stand.

(27Apr) Thankful for people who asks questions - I take time to answer tho, please bear with me.

(30Apr) Thankful because we can serve You through other people.

(01May) Thank You for letting me be friends with Maiko, such a wonderful funny kid. She’s my cousin! :))

(06May) Thankful for awesome places! Glamping WAO

(07May) Thank You for everlasting love. You are always there - despite forgetting You most days. I’ll praise You with all my heart. Please remove me of me, and fill me of You.

(12May) Thankful for movies! [Bliss]

(14May) Mother’s day

(17May) Thank You for givingme enought patience for this year’s summer outing.

(21May) I’m so thankful Lord God for still allowing my body to go do that things I love and also thank You for letting me know a lot of people.

(28May) I’m thankful for the successful ACO Summer Outing 2017. My body did tire a bit [lol a lot], I exceeded my patience limit - but I think I overcame those. I think.

(03Jun) Thanks for letting me into this community. Thank You for keeping me away from someone I do not deserve. I’m sorry I haven’t fully accepted myself as someone worthy of a very awesome love almost like Yours. Help me find my way back and begin to trust again - to fully trust again. Your will be done Lord, that in time all of this pain will be healed by You. Until then, Your love is enough.

(04Jun) Thank you for surrounding me with people who have genuine kindness in their hearts, awesome, knowledgeable and wise enough to know whats morally right.

(09Jun) Thankful for beautiful places! [@ Sorsogon] Thankful for the beautiful islands, for our safe trip to Sorsogon and back here @ Makati.

(14Jun) Wednesday pubs = Theo pubs! Community with fellow seekers of the Lord - has the heart that serves the world.

(17Jun) Thankful for awesome music! @ Fete dela Musique

(18Jun) “Everything will never be okay” I don’t have a visible father, but I have a lot of fathers to be celebrated on this day. Thank You for being always available, for always having my back and for keeping me safe especially during my late night fun. [awesome Batala with pubs] [lol at what I wrote this night tho]

(19Jun) Thankful for my crazy: too awkward, does not know how to respond, has anxieties for as simple as a seenzoned message, depression, too emotional, clingy but can’t show because people are too judgy and I’m too gay for them, I cannot sleep without returning the favor, super creepy by giving stuff/food just because.

(21Jun) Thankful for bible sessions :)

(25Jun) Thankful for another Sunday to recharge myself to the upcoming hell week at work. Thankful for helping me survive another year without a ‘BFF’. Happy Birthday to her and bless her with good health and an amazing life.

(01Jul) Thank You for good music! [@ Route196, first time seeing Barbie Almalbis perform]

(02Jul) Thank You for last week and for this coming week. May You guide me and bless me - help me decide if I should stay or not. Make me someone - to be useful to others. Empty me of me, fill me with all of You.

(09Jul) Thankful for sleepovers! Thankful for awesome places to go - like this one. A go-to. A safe place. Thankful for music - it helps me explain myself. [unless they understood the music differently too, lol]

(14Jul) Thankful for awesome people/community - for personally witnessing how these people love each other.

(15Jul) Thankful for awesome people - Kevin, a new confidant for like life, at least I won’t burst explode these emotions, these feelings all by myself.

(16Jul) Thankful that I have a community that I belong to.

(21Jul) Late birthday celebration for mame. Thank You for movies - watched Spiderman - mame’s favorite Avenger/Marvel Hero. [how ironic, we both hated spiders]

(23Jul) Thankful for people you can identify as friends who somehow look out for you.

(27Jul) Happy Birthday to me! Thankful for people. I never thought I would be celebrated like this - first time to have so many people to celebrate my birthday with. Thank You for all the blessings on this day: Free Starbucks cake, Ysa’s Choco Butternut, Cake and dinner from Kimmy/Tet/Macoy, Crae’s adobo and gift, Whelchel’s salad, Coco’s cake, Kevin’s gift and Icecream+food+lots more, Maggie’s foods, Isa’s house, Ida’s loot bag, CS people, pubs, and pubs, and pubs.

(29Jul) Thankful for Cheeny’s day!

(30Jul) Thank You for letting me in this community. Thank You for making me feel loved, finally.

(06Aug) “When everything else falls apart LOVE stays strong.” Thank You for giving me / letting me know people and friends who truly care about me. Thank You for creating genuine people and letting them surround me.

(07Aug) Thank You for awesome things to watch! [Game of Thrones night @ Trevi with Coco and we were surprised by Isa and Crae]

(13Aug) “Your love never fails, Never runs out on me.” Thank You for creating wonderful words that turn into ‘verses’. Thank You for awesome movies! [Respeto]

(14Aug) Learn not to be in a hurry. [iwas hingal lol] Don’t be in a panic mode. Savour life have a downtime. Hurrying doesn’t make time slow down. Spend time with somebody.

(16Aug) Thank You for awesome people! [Loren day! Dinner and karaoke with some pubs]

(17Aug) Thank You for awesome movies! [Bird Shot!!!]

(20Aug) Thankful for finally feeling something now. Like everything is now melting and I started to feel again. :) Thankful for awesome movies and people to watch it with! [Pauwi Na]

(25Aug) Thankful for rain, drenched but happy still. Thankful for awesome cookies and people to share it with! :)

(27Aug) Thank You for people whom I can have meaningful, awesome, and hearty conversations any time of the day. I can’t seem to remember what I did in order to deserve this wonderful community.

(02Sep) Thankful for beautiful places! [CS in Tali Beach for retreat!]

(03Sep) Thankful for knowing and having a community whom I can trust. A family that fives out patience so well - a family that embraces and accepts.

(08Sep) Thankful for sleepovers! [@ Whelchel’s]

(10Sep) Thank You for surrounding me with people that alway make me feel that I do not and will not walk alone.

(14Sep) Thank You for awesome people! [@ MIBF for Isa ^_^]

(15Sep) Thank You for badminton! :)

(16Sep) First time cooking adobo! Thank You for adobo! :)

(17Sep) Thankful for people who has your back, for people who does not judge, for people who can be your family, who constantly not just ask but genuinely care how your (life) day was. Thankful for spicy food? [FuYuan with CS]

(21Sep) Thank You for fast travels! [Bataan by day, Laguna @ House Palma by night!]

(22Sep) Thank You for giving me a very awesome family to join. Making my non-blood family grow bigger. Thank You for awesome people! [@ Nurture Wellness Village for Marawi food packing, Tita Cathy’s birthday]

(25Sep) Thank You for awesome people! [first meeting with the kweeeeeeen lol Abby]

(27Sep) Thankful for Trevi.

(28Sep) Thankful for awesome movies! [Respeto part two! lol]

(30Sep) Thankful for awesome animes! [rewatched Yuri On Ice by meself] the line of its song Born to Make History is uplifting and kind of makes me want to make history.

(01Oct) Thank You for happy kiligs! :”>

(02Oct) Thank You for letting me accept pain to overcome joy. Help me be a reminder that there is goodness in everything.

(05Oct) Thank You for wine. [lol please do not make me red whilst not yet having wine]

(08Oct) Thank You for letting me have a place where I can be of service.

(12Oct) Thank You for sleepovers! [Coco’s @ Trevi, cooked me eggs, sick for a week]

(15Oct) Thank You for making me somehow a comforter even when I don’t think I am fit to be one.

(16Oct) Lord help me let go of what desire I thought I could hold so I can receive Your desires for me.

(20Oct) Thank You for awesome people! [with Abitot and Fiel]

(21Oct) Thank You for awesome people and food! [Yushoken with Josyn plus Advocafe: Marawi]

(22Oct) Thankful for people who’d stand by you. For people you created that will believe in me even when I no longer believe in myself.

(23Oct) Thankful for awesome people and movies! [Neomanila with pubs]

(29Oct) Thankful for letting me have a place of my own even for just some time. It’s kinda nice to just lay back and get away and stay home and cook or do nothing.

(30Oct) “When everything fades away, love is the language that survives.” [The concept of being single isn’t true. - Bebs] “Not to work to earn love, but for love to come forth naturally.”

(03Nov) Thankful for awesome people! [Keb, Abitot, Fiel @ Ludo]

(05Nov) Thankful for having me walk in light and wonder with the people you’ve created.

(09Nov) Thankful for awesome series! [rewatching The Good Place]

(10Nov) Thankful for badminton! :)

(11Nov) Thankful for awesome food and movies! [baked potato and watched Baby Driver]

(12Nov) Thankful for beautiful mornings and cookies!

(14Nov) Thankful for awesome food! [cooked mechado!] *but who do you tell/retell your stories to? but who would tell/retell you their stories? :(

(18Nov) Thankful for awesome people! [Young Focus Road to 10! free movie from Abby]

(19Nov) Thank You for giving me a lot of people - that I will never walk alone again. Thank You for movie nights! [@ Michelle’s flat with Crae; I Love You, Man, Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King, Guess Who?]

(24Nov) Thank You for movie nights! [Trevi: Maikss and Marics; IT and Stranger Things 2]

(25Nov) Thank You for awesome people! [Rika’s 365 Wonders]

(26Nov) Thankful that I get to be of service, it gives me joy - it makes me happy. :)

(27Nov) You don’t just look out for yourself - you look out for each other, belong with each other, be there for each other. Give more than you can consume.

(03Dec) Thankful for friends you can stay over with. Thankful for people you can just cry with. [reclaim the rhythm of your life, may You help me learn to anticipate again.]

#text #no-less-than-me #CS #pubs #ChurchSimplified

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