#source: pennyworth

[angels-and-demons]

Nico: Why do you like me?

Toby: What sort of question's that?

Nico: A pretty easy one, I should think.

Toby: You make me feel like anything is possible.

Nico: Good answer. Just in time.

Toby: Well, I was gonna say I like your ass, but I thought better of it. I'm learning, see?

Nico: Fair play.

Toby: Now you.

Nico: You're very alive.

Toby: Well, that's not saying much, is it? "Alive"? You could leave me for that potted plant.

Nico: No, seriously. Sometimes, I don't feel very alive. You bring me back to life.

Toby: That's the best thing anyone's ever said to me...

#creepypasta #ticci toby #toby rogers #nico di angelo #pjo #nicoby #crack ship #pjo nico #nico x toby #incorrect creepypasta quotes #incorrect percy jackson quotes #incorrect hoo quotes #incorrect heroes of olympus quotes #incorrect pjo quotes #nico pjo #nico di angelo pjo #ticci toby creepypasta #toby erin rogers #creepypasta toby #source: pennyworth

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred: On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?

Tim: Pi.

Alfred: Pi?

Tim: Low level, but never ending.

#source: incorrect quotes ideas #tim drake #red robin #alfred pennyworth #batfamily #incorrect batfamily quotes #batfam #batboys #batbros #batkids #batsiblings #batman family #incorrect quotes #incorrect dc quotes #dc comics

[ktkat99]

Tim: So I overheard something at the coffee shop this morning. These two people were talking and one said that the person you are now is who you would have felt safest with as a kid.

Jason: Huh. Damn. I mean... I do protect the crime alley kids.

Tim: And I am... literally a version of Robin.

Cass: Ballerina. Hero. I love giving hugs. Yeah, makes sense.

Alfred: I never noticed that, but I guess I, too, grew into who I'd needed as a child.

Bruce, walking in wearing the Batsuit, covered in blood and scratches, holding a pissed off Damien under one arm and a kennel with a pissed off raccoon in the other: Someone tell Damien he can't have a new pet, someone else take this thing back to the woods, the rest of you please dismantle Damien's raccoon house, I'll be downstairs giving Dick stitches as he was the one who found that thing.

Damien: No! Father! Please don't get rid of Domino! I can train him to only attack our enemies! Just give me time!

Tim, Jason, Cass, Alfred, all side eyeing Bruce: Hmmm.

#batman incorrect quotes #batman #bruce wayne #tim drake #jason todd #alfred pennyworth #cassandra cain #orphan #damien wayne #robin #red robin #red hood #source: tiktok #batman funny #batfam incorrect quotes #batfam #batfamily

[batfamgalore]

*Alfred is reminding Bruce to go to a school seminar for Damian that’s about helping the development of kids behavior*

Bruce: I don’t know why I have to go to this thing. In case you’ve forgotten I’ve raised a few kids.

*Cut to Jason pulling Dick’s hair and Dick poking Jason trying to escape. Tim, Steph, Cass, and Duke stare at Bruce*

Bruce: Why look at me? It was Alfred’s fault. I was barely around!

#batman #dc #robin #batfamily #batfam #dick grayson #incorrect dc quotes #nightwing #incorrect batfamily quotes #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #bruce wayne #stephanie brown #damian wayne #alfred pennyworth #source: modern family #duke thomas #cassandra cain

[waterfire1848]

[ The Batkids thinking up reasons why they’re late for Alfred’s dinner. ]

Dick: We’ll say we were mugged. You can’t get mad at someone who’s been mugged.

Stephanie: Good idea, but you don’t look like you’ve been mugged.

[ Jason tears his shirt. ]

Dick: Hey!

[ Tim, Cass and Damian arrive. ]

Tim: What happened to you?

Dick: I got mugged and they stole my pocket.

#incorrect quotes #source: friends #the batkids #Batkids #batfam #Batfamily #Alfred Pennyworth #dick grayson #Nightwing #stephanie brown #spoiler #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #cassandra cain #orphan #Damian Wayne #Robin

[slut4-haydenchristensen]

bruce: have you seen the broom?

alfred: you- you’re voluntarily cleaning, master bruce?

bruce: nope. dick won’t come down from the chandelier; i’m gonna whack him

alfred: wha-

bruce: come here you little shit-

dick, from the next room: *screams*

#alfred is t i r e d #batfamily #bruce wayne #batman #dick grayson #nightwing #batfam #dc incorrect quotes #batfam incorrect quotes #alfred pennyworth #source: tattycoram on tumblr

[red-jaebyrd]

Bruce: It's cold in this house.

Damian: Then turn up the heat.

Bruce: *glancing at Alfred* You think I have that kind of authority?

#bruce wayne #damian wayne #alfred pennyworth #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #batman #robin #nightwing #batfamily #source: james breakwell exploding unicorn #incorrect quotes

[sapphiretanto]

Tim accidentally gets hit with some sort of magic spell during patrol and it severely alters his appearance/personality. The Batfam doesn’t take it well…

Zatanna: *reading from a book* “… warning signs: Severe alterations in appearance and personality. Such alterations can become permanent.”

Dick: *gasps* Permanent?! Those golden curls?

Stephanie: Those rosy cheeks?

Bruce: That smile?

Zatanna: “These terrifying changes are often a result of a troubled family life. Separations,…”

Bruce: Separations? You mean—

Cass: Jason!

Zatanna: Bingo! This kid knows that something’s not right around here! Unless Jason comes back, we’re talking dimples!

Bruce: NOT IN THIS HOUSE!

Zatanna: He could stay this way for years! Forever. He could become… *looks back at the book* a lawyer!

Bruce: *turning away angrily* I won’t listen!

Zatanna: An orthodontist!

Stephanie: *near tears* Zatanna, stop!

Zatanna: …President.

Cass: *closes her eyes in silent despair*

Alfred: *groaning and holding his head*

Dick: *clutching the railing* Please! I beg you, take me! *begins sobbing*

#source: addams family values #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect quotes #incorrect batkids #incorrect batman quotes #Batman #Bruce Wayne #Nightwing #Dick Grayson #Batgirl #Spoiler #Stephanie Brown #Black Bat #Orphan #Cassandra Cain #Zatanna #Alfred Pennyworth #Red Hood #Jason Todd #I originally had this as Damian until I remembered of how terrifying of a foe Tim could be #of course Damian in Batman Beyond also has a position of power #But I feel like Tim would be scarier

[dcau-incorrect-quotes]

Bruce, trying to be a nice son: A nice, hot cup of tea.

Alfred: It's cold.

Bruce: A nice cup of tea.

Alfred: It doesn't even taste that good.

Bruce: Cup of tea.

Alfred: I'm not even sure this is tea...

Bruce: Cup.

#source:??? #dc comics #dcau #dc #incorrect quotes #incorrect dc quotes #incorrect dc comics #batman #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #btas #batman the animated series

[faramir-stan]

bruce, on the phone: SMASH HIS KNEE CAPS AND HE'LL TALK! I'M THE PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE, ALFRED!

bruce, getting off the phone: anyways you said dick enjoys finger painting, that's great!!

#applicable to damian or dick #although damian probs doesn't like finger painting #and yes alfred interrogates ppl #batdad #batfamily #batfamily incorrect quotes #batfam incorrect quotes #batfam #dc #dceu #dc comics #batman #bruce wayne #Damian Wayne #dick grayson #robin #Alfred Pennyworth #source: ProZD

[raphael-angele]

Jason In The Kitchen

Jason, cooking with Damian:

Damian, cutting himself with a knife while chopping onions: Ow!

Jason, turning to him and looking at the small cut: Aw, habibi, I told you to be careful. C'mon, let's go put a bandaid on that.

---

Jason, cooking with Dick:

Taste testing a meal:

Dick: How is it?

Jason: The pancetta tastes weird

Dick: Oh, that's cuz it's tofu

Jason: ...what?

Dick: It's tofu.

Jason: Dick, I trusted you to help me and give a recipe and you turn on my back and do an improv?

Dick: I followed it down to the micro besides the pig!

Jason: ...Get out.(⇀‸↼‶)⊃

---

Jason, cooking with Tim:

Making a cake:

Tim: What's next?

Jason: Well, we got the flour, the milk, now we add three eggs

Tim: Simple enough. One, two, three *puts literal eggs into the bowl and starts mixing*

Jason:

Tim: Jay, I think there's something wrong here

Jason: You're suppose to break the eggs, replacement. (－‸ ლ)

Tim: Of course! *Breaks eggs with hand and puts them back in the bowl and then aggressively whisks*

Jason: Tim

Tim: *still whisking*

Jason: Tim

Tim: *still whisking*

Jason: Timmy

Tim: *stops whisking* ...get out?

Jason: And give that to me *snatches whisk* you have no right to hold a whisk

#dc comics #robin #dc #damian wayne #batfam #batfamily #tim drake #dick grayson #jason todd #red robin #nightwing #red hood #alfred pennyworth #batkids #incorrect batfam #batfamily incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes #source: hannah montana #source: criminal minds

[youroriginalsublimecupcakestuff]

Alfred : *Put honey in Jason's tea*

Jason : "Hell yeah, get in that leef juice, you sexy sexy bee sauce"

Alfred : "Do you take constructive criticisms for your sentences ?"

Jason : " I absolutely do not. "

#source tumblr #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect batman quotes #incorrect dc comics #incorrect dc quotes #jason todd #alfred pennyworth #batman family #batfamily #bat family #batfam #batman #dc red hood #dc #dc characters #dc comics #jason peter todd #incorrect quotes

[ktkat99]

Alternate way Bruce could have found out Red Hood was Jason

Bruce and Dick watching surveillance footage of Red Hood raiding one of their safe houses

Dick- I know you think this guy's Jason, but you're wrong. There's no way

Red Hood, dropping the box of weapons he's stealing on his foot- WAFFLES AND FUDGE BISCUITS!!

Red Hood, freezing and looking around- Wait. I'm alone. Alfred's not here. I can curse for real!!

Red Hood, taking a very excited deep breath- SON OF A

Dick, turning off the camera- ... Okay. It's him...

#batman #nightwing #dick grayson #jason todd #red hood #batfam #source: gravity falls #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #alfred never let him curse

[batfamgalore]

*Dick and Jason trying to sneak past Bruce with a ton of supplies*

Bruce: What the hell are you two doing with my stuff?

Jason: We need tools.

Bruce: For what?

Dick: If you must ask, it’s for a stakeout, okay. We’ve got a tough case and our binoculars only go up to 2x.

Alfred: Well, what are you doing with my cooler?

Jason: We have to keep the gelato cold in the car!

#batman #robin #dc #batfamily #batfam #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #incorrect dc quotes #incorrect batfamily quotes #source: psych

[waterfire1848]

Bruce: Don’t have kids.

Clark: What? Don’t you love your kids.

Bruce: So much. But they are a ton of work. If you are not totally, 100% sure you want them, you won’t survive.

Clark: Is it really that hard?

Bruce: Yes. I never get any sleep. I’m always sick. I never get to watch anything I want on TV. But I can recite “Moana” from memory.

Clark: I don’t wanna watch kids’ movies. I want to watch movies for adults. Adults and teens.

Bruce: And they are getting so manipulative. Yesterday, Stephanie pretended to be hurt, I went in to help her, and Cass snuck in the kitchen and stole two of Alfred’s cookies.

Clark: Oh, my god. Your children are monsters.

Bruce: Hey! Those are my kids! Back off.

Clark: Right.

#incorrect quotes #source: brooklyn nine nine #bruce wayne #Batman #clark kent #superman #kal el #stephanie brown #spoiler #cassandra cain #orphan #alfred pennyworth #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #damian wayne #robin #duke thomas #signal #harper row #bluebird #cullen row #carrie kelley

[greenapplebling]

Jason: So, what do you want for Father's Day?

Bruce, touched: Father's Day?

Jason: Yeah, but ask for something small and simple 'cuz you haven't behaved good lately

Bruce:

Alfred: *coughing to hide a laugh*

#forgot to write something for Father's Day lol #sorry i'm late #father's day #dc #batfamily #batfam incorrect quotes #incorrect batman quotes #batman #bruce wayne #batdad #red hood #jason todd #alfred pennyworth #robin #batfam #batkids #source: my sister lmao