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lixzey · 6 months

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professor, professor

September 1, 1993

Your heels clicked against the stone floor as you walked inside the Defense classroom late at night. Your eyes scanned the room as you reminisced about the days you spent inside the classroom as a student.

Professor Dumbledore had hired you at the last minute as an assistant for the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. At first, you were skeptical—why would the defense against the dark arts professor need an assistant? All the defense professors you had when you were a student never had assistants, so this was a first. The headmaster didn’t elaborate much; all you knew was that it was needed.

You agreed, of course, since you terribly needed the extra income. The job you had barely paid for rent and utilities, let alone food. You had been living in the muggle world since that fateful Halloween night in 1981. You spent the last twelve years blending in with muggles, though it isn't much of a problem since you were a half-blood, but you lost everything you had ever known. You lost your family in the most tragic way possible; they weren’t related to you by blood, but they were family—the only family you’ve ever known.

August 31, 1993

You sat in the living room of your one bedroom flat with a tin of biscuits in your lap that you bought along with a few groceries with the last of the money you had, hoping it would ease your hunger and last a few more days until you could get another job.

For the last twelve years, you’ve been in and out of jobs—not one lasting more than a year. You had been a waitress, a bartender, a street sweeper, and a cashier at a grocery store and café; hell, you even tried to become a stripper out of desperation.

You sighed deeply, rubbing your temples. You were thirty-three yet you still haven’t figured out your life. It wasn’t supposed to be like this; it never was. Voldemort took everything, leaving you miserable and alone.

While you were reading and eating the biscuits you had just opened, you suddenly heard a knock on the door. Your brows furrowed in confusion. You weren’t expecting anybody—you haven’t expected anyone for the last twelve years. You took a deep breath, placing your book and the tin of biscuits down on the coffee table in front of you before getting up to open the door. When you opened the door, your eyes widened. Albus Dumbledore was on your doorstep.

“P-Professor Dumbledore?”

“Good evening, Miss L/N.” Dumbedore’s blue eyes twinkling. “May I come in?”

You nodded, dumbfounded, stepping aside to let your old professor inside. The Headmaster made his way to your living room, sitting comfortably on your worn-out couch.

“This is an unexpected surprise, Professor. Is there anything I can help you with?” You asked as you grabbed a chair from under the coffee table. “I don’t usually have visitors, but I have tea; if you’d like, I can start the kettle.”

“There’s no need, Y/n,” Dumbledore answered with a smile that almost looked like pity. “I won’t be staying too long, my dear.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Then why are you here, Professor? How did you even find me?” You asked, confused as to why he was here; it certainly wasn’t a visit to his old student.

“I hear you’re looking for a job.” Dumbledore said thoughtfully.

“How’d you know that? I haven’t stepped inside the Wizarding World in almost thirteen years.”

“I have my ways, Miss L/N.”

You rolled your eyes at your old professor. “Yes, I’m looking for a job. Hell, I’d take any job.”

“How would you like a job at Hogwarts?”

Your heart skipped a beat at his offer. A job at Hogwarts? The place you once called home. It seemed too good to be true. “What kind of job?” You asked, still skeptical about the offer.

“I need an assistant for the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor,” Dumbledore explained. “I believe you are well-suited for the position as you are one of the brightest students in your year. The pay isn't quite as much as I'd like to offer, though,” Dumbledore continued. “But there is room and board, of course, and full meals and such.”

It was as if the air had been sucked out of your lungs. A real job, a consistent job. A job at Hogwarts, the place that had been a second home to you for the important years of your life. The place where you met your friends and formed bonds that were stronger than any other.

“I'll take it.” You said without hesitation.

“I thought you might,” Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with satisfaction and moved to stand. “I'll see you tomorrow at the start of term, Miss L/N.”

“Thank you, Professor.”

“You’re welcome, my dear girl.” Dumbledore smiled. “Oh, I nearly forgot. Have you read the Daily Prophet recently?”

You shook your head, your brows furrowing. “I haven’t looked at anything from the Wizarding World since James and Lily died.”

“I suggest you take time to invest in a copy of the Daily Prophet, Miss L/n.” Dumbledore smiled again, though his eyes were telling otherwise. Before you could utter another word, he apparated out of your flat with a loud pop.

You hadn’t gotten a chance to get a copy that night since the next day was the start of term and you were already in a hurry to pack your trunk. You still have no idea what your old professor was implying, though you didn’t let it bother you too much.

As you continued to look around the classroom, memories of your Hogwarts days came flooding back.

The way you and your friends—James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus—would always sit together in every class Always plotting pranks for the Slytherins—mainly Severus Snape and other unsuspecting students.

There was Lily, who always told you not to encourage the boys, but she also had a mischievous side you loved.

Then there were Mary and Marlene, who loved to chatter and talk, always sharing all the gossip with you and Lily.

And finally, though he was a part of the Marauders with you, Remus. You loved him more than words could ever describe. You and Remus had dated at the start of your fifth year. He was the calm to your storm, the voice of reason when you and James were off planning another ridiculous prank. Remus was kind and caring, always making sure that you were okay and safe. He was your best friend, your confidant, and the love of your life. There was something about Remus that made your heart flutter every time he smiled, or how his eyes sparkled when he talked about something he was passionate about. You were drawn to his intelligence, his kindness, and his unwavering loyalty.

They were your family, the family built on love.

You felt a pang in your chest at the thought of Remus. It had been years since you had last seen him—years since he pushed you away after James, Lily, and Peter's deaths and Sirius’ betrayal. You couldn’t blame him, but you were hurting too at that time. It wasn’t fair that he broke your heart because he couldn’t take the pain of losing your friends. You have resented him for breaking your heart ever since.

You sighed, brushing the painful memories aside. Maybe this was the fresh start you'd been waiting for. A chance to leave your past behind and embrace the future. With a new job at Hogwarts, life was looking up.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn't realise that someone had entered the room until you heard a deep, familiar voice behind you. “Who are you? What are you doing in this classroom?”

You quickly whipped your head around to see the person you weren't expecting to see in a long while—Remus Lupin was standing in the doorway, looking confused and shocked at the sight of you. The two of you locked eyes for what felt like an eternity, silence painfully enveloping the two of you.

“Y/n,” Remus finally managed to say. “H-How have you been?”

All the pain and hurt came flooding back with a vengeance. You felt your heart loudly thumping in your chest as anger coursed through your veins. “Cut the crap, Remus,” you spat. “What the bloody hell are you doing here?”

Remus’ eyes widened, clearly not expecting hostility from you. “I-I’m the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.”

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” You scoffed, your eyes narrowing at him.

“I wish I wasn’t.” Remus shrugged.

“Oh hell no, I am not working with you.”

Remus raised a brow. “What do you mean?”

Before you could reply, Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall entered the classroom.

“Ah, I see you two have been reacquainted," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling.

“You didn’t tell me he was going to be the new professor,” You snapped, glaring at Dumbledore. “I would have refused the job if I had known.”

“I understand your reluctance, Miss L/N,” Dumbledore said calmly. “But I assure you, Professor Lupin will be an asset to Hogwarts. You will be assisting Professor Lupin in his classes. I believe the two of you working together will be beneficial for both of you.”

Remus scowled. “What do I need an assistant for? I’m perfectly capable of teaching; thank you very much.”

“I assume you're aware of Professor Lupin's condition, Miss L/N?” Dumbledore asked, making Remus scoff.

“Yes, but I-”

“That settles it, you would be substituting for Professor Lupin once a month, until he is healed and deemed fit to work by Madam Pomfrey.”

“With all due respect, sir, I can’t work with him,” you protested, crossing your arms over your chest, glaring at Remus. “I don’t care how dire the situation is; I refuse to be around him.”

“Now, now, Miss L/N,” Professor McGonagall chimed in. “You two will have to learn to work together. You both are highly capable, having been the top students when the two of you graduated. The students will benefit from your expertise in defense against the dark arts,” Professor McGonagall gave you and Remus a soft smile. “You both will need to set aside your differences and work together for the sake of the students and the school. It’s time to put the past behind and focus on the present.”

You clenched your jaw, feeling a mix of anger, resentment, and frustration. The last thing you wanted was to work with Remus after everything that had happened between the two of you. But seeing the determined and hopeful looks on the faces of Dumbledore and McGonagall, you knew you had no choice.

You let out a heavy sigh, turning to Remus with a stern look. “Fine, I’ll do it. But I better get a raise.”

Dumbledore chuckled. “Of course, Miss L/N.”

Remus nodded, his expression unreadable. “I understand. I’ll do my best to make this work.”

Dumbledore nodded at Remus. “I have faith in both of you. I trust that you will be able to put your personal feelings aside and work together for the betterment of Hogwarts and the students.”

You rolled your eyes, feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over you. The past was haunting you at every turn, and you hated it. But you had no choice; you terribly needed this job, and you weren’t going to let it go just because of him.

“One more thing, Miss L/N, Mister Lupin,” Dumbledore started, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “The two of you will be sharing living quarters for the whole semester.”

“What?” You and Remus both said in unison, disbelief written all over your faces.

“Consider it team bonding,” Dumbledore said with an amused smile. “I’m sure the two of you will find a way to make it work.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line, feeling dread settling in the pit of your stomach. Sharing living quarters with Remus—a man who had broken your heart and pushed you away after everything that had happened—was not something you were looking forward to.

You gritted your teeth, forcing a smile as you nodded. You didn't have a choice but to go along with it, despite the knots of discomfort and resentment that twisted in your stomach. It seemed that working at Hogwarts was going to be even more complicated than you had initially thought.

“At least tell me we have separate rooms.”

“Of course, Miss L/N,” Dumbledore nodded. “You will each have your own separate rooms, fear not.” You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding, feeling a bit of relief at the mention of separate rooms. At least you wouldn't have to spend the whole semester sharing a room with Remus, a thought that made your skin crawl.

“Well then, we shall leave you two to make the necessary arrangements,” Dumbledore said, giving you and Remus a reassuring smile before leaving the room with Professor McGonagall.

You and Remus stood in awkward silence for a moment, both of you avoiding eye contact. The tension between the two of you was palpable, and it was suffocating. You sighed and finally turned to Remus with a cold stare. “Don't get too comfortable, Lupin,” you warned. “This doesn't mean we're suddenly best friends again.”

Remus flinched when you called him by his last name, but nonetheless he nodded, understanding your apprehension. “I don't expect us to be best friends again, Y/n,” he said quietly. “But for the sake of the students and the school, we could at least try to get along.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, still not convinced. “We'll see,” you replied with a dismissive tone.

Remus met your cold gaze with a resigned expression. “I understand,” he replied evenly. “I don't expect us to be friends again. I don't expect us to be anything other than colleagues.”

You scoffed, feeling the weight of your past grudges and hurts. “Colleagues. That's all we'll ever be.”

Remus nodded. “I know.”

The two of you stood there in uncomfortable silence, knowing that once again, your lives had become even more complicated. You both needed this job and living at Hogwarts, and you wouldn't let your personal differences get in the way of it, no matter how difficult it might be.

But one thing’s for certain: it was going to be an interesting year at Hogwarts.

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inlovewithlightwood · 2 months

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Is it just my mum or have your mums too stopped believing you when they walk in while you're crying and you say it's because of some dead gay wizards? Because she thinks something bad is going on and I don't tell her.

No mum there's nothing going on except that REMUS HAD TO TURN INTO A FCKING WEREWOLF SINCE HE WAS 5 AND ENDURE PAIN UNIMAGINABLE, SIRIUS HAD TO ENDURE PAIN SINCE HE WAS A BABY AND HAD TO GROW UP REALLY EARLY SO HE COULD LOOK AFTER HIS LITTLE BROTHER BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS DIDN'T AND THEN SAID BROTHER STARTED ACTING MEAN AND COLD AND AGREEING WITH THEM AND SIRIUS WAS SO FCKING SAD AND THEN HE ESCAPED AND LEFT HIS BROTHER BACK AND HE FELT GUILTY FOR IT AND REGULUS HAD TO STAY BEHIND AND THEN JOIN THE DE AND THEN HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF FOR THE GREATER GOOD AND SIRIUS NEVER FOUND OUT, HE JUST THOUGHT HIS LITTLE REGGIE WAS EVIL, OH AND THE FCKING "WHY DID YOU BURN THAT LETTER?", AND THE PRANK, REMUS BEING IN LOVE WOTH SIRIUS BUT HATING HIM AT THE SAME TIME THUS HATING HIMSELF FOR STILL LOVING HIM AND SIRIUS HATING HIMSELF FOR WHAT HE DID AND FOR MAKING REMUS FEEL THIS WAY AND BETRAYING HIM, AND THE FCKING HALLOWEEN OF 1981, THEY ALL THOUGHT THAT THEY HAD MORE TIME, BUT JAMES DIDN'T, AND HE DIED, BECAUSE OF HIS OLDEST FRIEND, AND THEN REMUS BLAMED SIRIUS AND SIRIUS WAS SENT TO AZKABAN WHEN HE DID NOTHING WRONG AND THEY SPENT 12 YEARS APART AND HARRY HAD TO GROW UP ALL ALONE IN A HOUSEHOLD SO HOSTILE INSTEAD OF THE LOVING ONE HE WOULD BE IN IF LILY AND JAMES HAD LIVED, AND JEGULUS NEVER GOT ENOUGH TIME TOGETHER BC JAMES THOUGHT REG HAD GOTTEN THE MARK AND THEY BROKE UP AND VOLDEMORT KILLED DORCAS AND THEN MARLENE DIED TOO AND EVAN DIED TOO BY MOODY AND BARTY HAD TO WATCH THAT AND PANDORA DIED WHILE MAKING POTIONS THUS LEAVING LUNA WITHOUT A MUM AND BARTY, REMUS AND MARY WERE LEFT UTTERLY ALONE AND MARY COULDN'T TAKE IT SO SHE JUST OBLIVIATED HERSELF, AND BARTY HAD HIS SOUL SUCKED AND REMUS DIED RIGHT AFTER BECOMING A FATHER AND THUS LEAVING TEDDY THE SAME WAY HARRY WAS LEFT AND PETEY, THEIR FRIEND IS THE REASON FOR A LOT OF THOSE OUTCOMES.

So yes mum I'm bawlling my eyeballs out for some dead gay wizards. No nothing happend at school.

If I have forgotten a traumatic event please forgive me I didn't even intend for this to be this long

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kellanine · 9 days

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Prompt 19: angel/demon AU

@wolfstarmicrofic - word count 989 (cut down from an initial 1500. That's hard!)

Content warnings: Language, sexual content, and homophobia

Three weeks ago, the war ended. Voldemort’s gone, Peter’s in prison, and Halloween night, 1981, seems like the perfect time to kick back at the local pub.

Sirius and Remus walk in, and Lily and James wave from a corner table, drinks already in hand. Remus follows Sirius to the bar to order theirs.

When they reach it, Sirius leans on the edge and gives Remus an appreciative once-over.

"Hi there, handsome. Come here often?"

(adult content behind the cut)

Remus rolls his eyes, but smiles. "Careful. I have a strong, sexy husband and he gets jealous."

The bartender is busy and nods at Remus to indicate he’ll be with him shortly. He’s wearing red demon horns paired with white angel wings. Remus and Sirius had intended to throw costumes together too, but they’d gotten too busy sucking each other off and then having a nice nap after Remus railed Sirius into their mattress.

Remus nods back, and turns to Sirius, whose chin is propped in his hand. They’ve been married for a week, and seeing the delicately etched wedding band on Sirius’s finger, identical to his own, makes Remus’s heart swell.

Sirius’s gaze is mischief, and his lips are quirked in a half-smile. Remus wants to kiss them. But it's not that kind of place.

"If I had a husband who looks like you," Sirius quips, "I'd get jealous too."

Remus can't think of a good comeback, so he puts his hand on Sirius's cheek and pushes his face away, laughing. "You're a menace."

"But you love me."

"God help me, I do."

Sirius straightens with a grin and tilts his head, stretching his neck. There's a still-healing mark there from a Death Eater’s curse. It had shot straight through him and he'd been a heap on the ground before he'd even known he'd been hit. It had been the most terrifying moment of Remus's life.

"I need the gents'," Sirius says. "Be right back.” He squeezes behind Remus, and as he passes, he draws one hand across Remus's lower back, then drops it for a tiny slap on his arse. Because the room is packed, they can get away with it.

Or so Remus thinks. While his eyes trace Sirius's retreating form, a presence slides in next to him, filling the space Sirius left. When Remus turns, a stranger’s eyes are on him.

The man is a few years older, tall, with a patchy, scruffy beard and hazy eyes. When he plants his elbow on the bar and waves a hand at Remus, he sways a little, and Remus knows he’s drunk.

“So,” the man says, motioning in Sirius’s direction. “You two queer?”

Remus feels all the blood drain from his face and turns to look straight ahead. He clears his throat and swallows.

“Hey. I asked you a question.”

A surge of adrenaline floods Remus’s limbs, the same fight or flight reflex he’d felt so many times during the war.

“Yes, a very rude one,” Remus says, still not looking at the man. He’s afraid of what he might see in his eyes if he does.

Thankfully, the bartender picks that moment to make his way to Remus. “Sorry for the wait. What’ll you have?”

“Two pints, please. Whatever’s on tap.”

The bartender walks away and Remus takes a breath, fisting his hands on top of the bar. The man’s penetrating gaze scorches the side of his face.

“You’ve got some balls, I’ll give you that.”

Remus clenches his jaw. “Meaning?”

“These. In public?” The man reaches over and taps one fingernail against Remus’s wedding ring. When his touch grazes Remus’s wrist, Remus thinks he might be sick. “What’s it like?”

“Excuse me?”

“I said … what’s it like?” The man lowers his voice and leans in. “Getting fucked in the arse? Fucking someone else in the arse?” Remus’s stomach contracts and turns over. “Does it feel like pussy?”

A heavy weight lands on Remus’s shoulder and he jerks in surprise, instinctively reaching for his wand before he remembers the war is over. The weight is Sirius’s hand.

“Everything okay?” Sirius asks. His voice is light but his eyes are shrewd and cold.

Remus gives him a tight smile. “Fine.”

Sirius’s eyes are on their neighbor. He doesn’t move his hand from Remus’s shoulder.

“Was this man bothering you?”

“It’s fine,” Remus replies quietly. “He’s drunk.”

Remus sees the man register Sirius’s muscle mass with a single sweep of his eyes. He raises his hands as if in surrender. “Hey, mate, I didn’t mean anything. Just curious, you know?” He points at Remus. “What’s it like to fuck him? Is his hole nice and tight?”

Sirius has the man by the collar before Remus even realizes he’s moved. “Because you’re drunk,” Sirius growls, “I’m going to give you thirty seconds to walk away before I knock those crooked teeth out of your goddamn face.”

A few patrons around them shriek in surprise. James has materialized at Sirius’s side, and puts his hands on him, trying to ease his grip loose.

“Hey!” says the bartender sharply, and Remus knows they’re about to get kicked out. He chances a glance across the room at Lily. She’s watching the whole exchange with wide eyes.

“It’s all right, mate,” James tells the bartender. “We’ll leave.”

“No,” he answers, pointing a bar rag at the man still held in Sirius’s grip. “You. Get out of here.” James manages to break Sirius’s hold and pulls him away.

“Oh come on now,” the man drawls, “I didn’t mean to start nothing.”

“You never do anything in here but cause trouble. Leave. And don’t come back.”

The man shakes his head and laughs, scratching at his beard. “All right, whatever.” Seconds later, he’s gone.

Remus lets out a heavy breath, and feels like his heart has started beating again.

“Sorry about him,” the bartender says. He pushes two beers across the bar at Remus. “These are on the house.”

#wolfstar microfic #wolfstar #remus x sirius #moony x padfoot #wolfstar fic #sirius black #sirius x lupin #siriusxremus #padfoot x moony #padfoot #the marauders

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roalinda · 6 months

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Prompt: Sirius & Harry, stray cat

ok, so this was supposed to be for my bday but it ended up a Halloween treat 🍬🍭🍫

I got distracted and forgot to insert the cat in it that much 😭 Also Sirius is alive cause I said so 😤

***

"Did you know that your parents owned a cat?"

Harry didn't look up from his bowl of steaming soup but a listless shrug was his silent response. His hold tightened on the expensive silver spoon, yet another reminder that despite a clear name, his godfather and him were still living in 12 Grimmauld Place. He didn't really understand why they were not moving out, but then again these days his mind was pleasantly numb. After all said and done and Voldemort gone, the radio silence in his brain was a blessing.

He was so tired. The countless fights and painful losses had caused an emotional collapse in him. He had not joined the victory celebrations. He had sneaked out of the parties he was invited to. He had locked himself in his room, seeking comfort that he hadn't found since Halloween 1981. Still, there was nothing but a vast void, a place that should have been occupied by Lily and James Potter who were buried under the cold ground despite everything.

What a useless triumph, just a tragic success.

It was Halloween night again.

"They had one. She was a stray. You hated her because she kept stealing my attention."

Harry could imagine. He could see a picture perfect of a small happy family, a cat purring on his godfather's lap while he was pouting in his mom's arms, seeking attention and his dad's boisterous laughter. He smiled softly at that.

A warm hand cupped his cold face and caressed away a single tear drop he hadn't realised had fallen on his pale cheek. He was falling apart without even realising.

"Hush."

"It's Halloween," replied Harry, as if it was self-explanatory and it was.

"And that means trick or treat," Sirius barked a laugh despite his wet eyes.

Harry eyed him warily. "Is my treat a cat?" He tried to offer a wobbly smile.

"Maybe," teased Sirius and pushed a magical photo towards him gingerly.

Harry frowned at the photo, a punch of a bizarre melancholy knocking the air out of his lungs. It was a small cottage in a small garden filled with sunflowers. The scenery was familiar and after a second Harry realised he was looking at the Potter Cottage in Godric's Hollow.

Sirius softly tapped on the photo with his wand. The setting changed. Now Harry was looking at the inside of the cottage. There was a small kitchen and a cosy living room, filled with crimson cushions. There was a mantelpiece with pictures on top, of his parents' first dance on their wedding day, of his father and godfather laughing together, of his mom embracing him while his dad and Sirius were cooing at him.

It was a beautiful mirage of what could have been.

"Your parents' cottage looked like this, Harry," said Sirius tentatively. "I have been absent from your life when I should have been present and for that I am sorry."

Harry grunted in disagreement and Sirius hummed. "I have promised a home to you, remember? I am a man of my word," he said, his voice hushed and concentrated.

"We are going to move there soon. It's your home. It's where James and Lily are going to receive you for their happy memories linger there."

Harry blinked and blinked and blinked. Home…he was going home to his parents. Not under piles of soil but to a warm loving household. So, he did the only thing he longed to do all this time. He wailed, loud and shameless before throwing himself into Sirius' arms.

Sirius ran his fingers through Harry's messy hair soothingly but made no effort to stop his sobs. "Let it all out," he whispered and Harry did, as the old wound bled and bled until there was nothing left to bleed.

"Home is with you, Sirius," he murmured into his godfather's chest. "home is with you and the happiness your presence brings me."

"Home is the peace you blessed our souls with. Thank you for taking care of our son in our place. Be happy and live a long life, until we meet again."

#Harry James Potter #Sirius Black #good godfather sirius black

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sitp-recs · 6 months

Note

hi liv, long time follower first time asker! ☺️

i have a LOT of spare time on my hands so i’ve been reading a lot of fanfiction recently (like, a lot, don’t ask). i’ve read several fics recently that i honestly didn’t expect to like that much but i ended up *loving*. SO i wanted to ask, do you have 5 (or whatever) fics that you enjoyed more than you expected to?

(p.s. thanks so much for running this blog. it’s one of the first tumblrs i found when i got back into fandom and all your opinions and recs have taken me to some wonderful places 💜)

Hello friend, welcome to my ask box haha and thank you for this amazing ask! I’m happy to know you’ve been enjoying the blog and recs 💗 I love this ask btw, it’s a great feeling to fall unexpectedly and utterly in love with a story you didn’t think you’d be too invested in. This happened with one of my all-time faves, Far From the Tree by aideomai, and with other long fics or stories exploring themes that aren’t on my priority list or aren’t my usual jam. I listed 5 of those happy surprises below (tried to focus on fics I don’t see being recced often) and am very curious to know which ones surprised you in that way. I know you said you’ve been reading A LOT and I shouldn’t ask, but maybe just a lil teaser with five faves?? 👀

1. Timecode by Rasborealis (M, 73k) - my rec

Harry Potter has been dead for two years, and Draco would laugh in the face of anyone claiming differently. Well, anyone but Hermione Granger.

2. Super Rich Kids by @thusspoketrish (E, 81k) - my rec

Draco Malfoy has become disillusioned by the glitz and glamour of the scandalous lives of the Post-Second Wizarding War Pureblood Elite. Enter: one existential crisis, one group of thieving cynical friends, and several terrible, terrible decisions.

3. He Comes Like a Thunderstorm by @korlaena (E, 140k)

Draco is doing his best to balance the life he wants to live and the life he’s forced to live. He’s nearing the tail-end of a long, post-war probation when Harry Potter crashes back into his life with all the grace of a charging Erumpent, breaking through his carefully constructed rules and routine.

4. Can't Sit Still by wilteddaisy (E, 193k)

Five years after the war, Harry finds himself drawn to Draco Malfoy by memories that aren't his own.

5. The Secret Keeper by @the-fools-errand (M, 225k) - my rec

On Halloween 1981, Albus Dumbledore made a decision that would change the course of history, concealing Harry Potter’s survival at the hands of Lord Voldemort underneath a Fidelius Charm. But when Harry comes of age in the Muggle world, Dumbledore realises too late that the fate of the world may depend on a boy who has never held a wand.

Bonus: Survival of the Species (E, 47k) by my friend @romaine2424, a Veela!Draco banger!

Draco approaches Harry on the 9 ¾ platform, after their sons have boarded the Hogwarts Express, and invites him over for tea. The discussion they have leads them on an adventure that neither could have expected. There be dragons! HPDH compliant but before any other canon info had been released.

#this list could be so much bigger tbh!!! doing only 5 kills me but it’s also fun 🤡#top 5 things #asks #pocket-lin #Drarry recs

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fool-inthe-rain · 1 year

Text

Lonesome and Mad

Sirius Black x Reader

wc: 3700~

Content: Angst. Almost a happy ending (Sorry). Time Jump. Use of she/her pronouns. Use of Y/n. Death, imprisonment, the usual angst yall get from me. Pretend Flitwick retired early or something and doesn’t teach charms while Harry is at Hogwarts. Mentions of depression and anxiety.

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The days following his arrest were the most gut-wrenching days she had ever experienced. Having to go through thousands of emotions at once. Trying to wrap her head around the fact that James and Lily were dead, slain by the Dark Lord. Trying to understand how her sweet Sirius could have killed not only Peter but twelve muggles as well.

1st November, 1981

She had been lying on the floor for about twelve hours now. Her entire body hurt, but nothing was more painful than the beating of her heart. Her tears had stopped a while ago, not from a lack of sadness. She had cried every tear she possibly could and now there was only numbness. Flashes of the small Halloween get-together they all had flashed through her brain. She was desperately trying to hold onto the final memories of her best friends.

Lily, her best friend since first year, had dressed up as a storybook witch, big hat, fake wart, and all. James had dressed as Merlin, he had even gotten a fake beard to complete the look. They had Harry dressed in a baby-sized Gryffindor robe and James had found a small stick in the yard for Harry to use as a wand.

The images of her friends muddied her brain. How they could be so happy and celebratory, surrounded by friends, and then gone forever not an hour after the party was over haunted her. She tried to think of everything that had happened, she was desperate to know if there was some way this could have been prevented. The only thing that was unusual was that Peter only stayed for about thirty minutes before leaving. Sure he seemed jumpy and anxious, but that's how he was for as long as she had known him. Though it was hard to think about, she knew there was no way to save Lily and James. Voldemort wanted them dead, and he got exactly what he wanted.

But Sirius? Was he a traitor all this time? Believing he had committed a mass murder was the most difficult part to comprehend. He was an integral part of the Order. He was brave and loyal, he would do anything for James. He was so proud to be Harry's Godfather. Every time he said he loved her, was he lying? Her entire world was destroyed and the only thing she could get herself to do was lay on the freezing cold floor.

Snape was the one who found her on the floor. They were never the best of friends, but she knew how much he loved Lily so she tended to take it easy on him at school. He had apparated to her home shortly after he had seen Lily and James dead, he knew if anyone was taking this exceptionally hard, it would be her. He walked into the small house, calling her name only to get no answer. He finally stumbled upon her laying on the kitchen floor, her back turned to him.

“Y/n?” Snape kneeled down, putting a gentle hand to her waist.

“I can’t get up.” She whispered. She knew it was Snape, afterall the only other person who had such heavy footsteps was now rotting in Azkaban.

“Alright.” This was the one time she was happy Snape wasn’t a talker.

“Would you like me to get Lupin?” He asked after a few moments of silence.

“Yes, please.” At the mention of his name she began to cry once more. She hadn’t even thought about the fact that her best friend was going through exactly the same thing as her.

Without another word, Snape had stood and apparated away. She stayed on the floor. Paralyzed by her grief, she knew if she tried to stand the effort would be futile. Another loud apparition induced crack rang through the house signaling that Snape had made his way back, hopefully with Remus. Even though she knew Remus would need just as much comfort as her, she still couldn’t find it in her to get up. She didn’t have to however because before she knew it, Remus was laying across from her on the ground. His eyes were bright red and puffy, and he had a sickeningly sad look on his face.

Snape left as soon as he saw Remus get down on the floor with her. Neither spoke for about thirty minutes, they instead decided to just be grateful for eachothers company.

“Moony?” Y/n was the first to speak, though he almost didn’t hear her hushed tone through the wall of thoughts coursing through his mind.

“Hmm?” He didn’t trust himself to speak without crying.

“Will it hurt this bad forever?” Silent tears leaked from her eyes.

Remus lifted a hand, placing it on her wet cheek.

“I think so dove.” He gave her a sad smile.

It would hurt for eternity and thereafter.

November 1991

Things had changed. Y/n took up a post at Hogwarts as the Professor for Charms after Flitwick had left, and Snape had invented a life changing potion for Remus’s furry little problem. Y/n and Remus moved into neighboring homes so as not to be alone in their mourning. Life was better, well, for the most part.

What hadn’t changed was the constant pain just from being alive. The beating of her own heart served as a constant reminder that two of the people she loved most were dead and gone. Rage still churned in her blood every time she thought about Sirius and what he did. Many things were different, but these things were permanent.

Harry was now eleven and attending Hogwarts. When the sorting had yelled Gryffindor after sitting atop his head, y/n had to excuse herself from the professors table so her new colleagues wouldn’t think she was weak for crying at a silly hat saying a silly word. She had spotted him as soon as he walked into the Great Hall. How could she not? He looked exactly like James, silver framed, round glasses, dark messy hair. He was the spitting image of his father.

Though they were two months into the first term, y/n still had yet to speak to Harry, to let him know who she was. He was in her class, and every time she thought of asking him to stay back after said class, he did something so reminiscent of his parents and she would become too overwhelmed with grief to say something.

Harry ended up finding out before she had the chance to speak up. Her own fault, she told herself, she was too cowardly to bring up the past, to relive that horrible day. She wasn’t exactly sure how he found out, but when he came storming into her office with as determined a look an eleven year old can have, she knew exactly what was going on.

“You knew my parents, didn’t you?” He was upset, that was clear as day.

“I did.”

“Why didn’t you tell me! Two months you’ve been my teacher and you haven’t said anything!” Harry was yelling, his fists balled at his sides.

“Sit, Harry. Please.” She gestured to the chair sitting on the opposite side of her desk.

Harry did as he was asked, still fuming however.

“What do you want to know?” The question was so simple and calmly spoken, something he wasn’t expecting after the outburst he had.

“Everything.”

Y/n let out a small laugh,

“That could take a while, and I promise you will in time know everything, but how about for now we start with just a little less than everything?”

“Okay,” He sat and thought for a moment, sussing out what would be best to ask first. “How did you know them? How did you meet?”

“Well, I was in Gryffindor, just as your mother and father were. I met Lily the very second I stepped foot onto the Hogwarts express for the first time. She was bumbling down the corridor like a lost puppy and she bowled right into me. As soon as she calmed whatever frenzy she was in to help me up, I knew she would be my first friend. My forever friend.” Y/n smiled at the memory, wishing she could go back in time.

Harry was also smiling. He was picturing his mother on the train, bright red hair pluming around her as she ran down the length of the train.

“And my father?” He looked hopeful, happy to have another piece of his parents. Even if it was a memory he wasn’t a part of.

“Well, I met James on the first day of classes. He already had quite the group of friends, and Lily and I decided very quickly that we wanted nothing to do with him. You can see how that ended up.” She smiled at the young boy. “It took the both of us a while to warm up to each other, but by fourth year James was one of my most loyal friends.”

Y/n let Harry sit with the new information for a few moments.

“One more question,” She checked her watch, “then I believe you have to be getting to your next class.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Harry wasn’t angry this time, curious was the right word now.

It was her turn to think now, it was a loaded question, though he didn’t know that.

“Well, in complete honesty Harry, it was too painful to think about. You are more like them than you will ever know, and I had no clue how to approach the subject with you. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to make you think of the things you have lost. I just wanted you to live as a normal student for as long as possible.”

“I’m happy I found out. If it’s not too much trouble, could I come here when I want to learn about them?” He asked sheepishly.

Her heart swelled at the thought of having a relationship with Harry, to finally be the Aunt she had only gotten to be for a little over a year.

“Of course. Anytime you need to talk about anything, you know where to find me.”

Harry stood from the chair, giving her a wide smile.

“I-I have to get to transfiguration, but thank you. I enjoyed hearing about them.”

“Go on, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Like a bolt he shot out of her small office so he wouldn’t be late. They both kept their promises that year, and the years following. Harry got to learn about his parents, and y/n got to reminisce on the best years of her life.

September 1993

Sirius escaped Azkaban. Simple as that, though the situation was anything but simple. Harry had been told why this was such a big deal a few days prior, the work of Arthur Weasley. Y/n had been invited by Molly Weasley to join them and Harry before the term started, of course she accepted. She had become someone Harry was comfortable with, and there weren’t many people like that in his life, so anytime she could be there for him she would be. The two had grown quite close over his first three years at Hogwarts, Harry had confided in her, he kept her thoroughly updated on his life and though she was his professor he saw her as the person she was supposed to be. His Aunt.

The two had a lengthy conversation about Sirius, and though it hurt her entire being to talk about him, she answered all of his questions. What she didn’t tell him was that Sirius was his Godfather, nor did she tell him that Moony, or now, Professor Lupin, would be joining them at Hogwarts this year. She figured that was a conversation Remus had to initiate with him, when he felt ready.

January 1994

Remus Lupin was settling in nicely at Hogwarts. He told Harry that he also knew his parents, and while Remus was a bit more hesitant to get close to the boy, they still had a friendly relationship. The year had gone fairly smooth for all parties, besides the elephant in every room. That elephant being Sirius Black of course. Remus and y/n were on high alert everyday, trying to keep Harry safe was a difficult task, especially when the boy had a new found tendency to sneak out of the castle. The night Remus found him in the dark hallway with Snape chastising him, it took him half a second to recognize the old piece of parchment in Severeus’s hand. The Marauder’s Map. Where Harry had gotten it he had no clue, but when the pair had gotten back to his office and Harry had told him he saaw Peter’s name on the map, everything came crashing down around him.

Remus waited for five minutes after Harry had left his office before racing down the faculty hallway, loudly banging on y/n’s door. At that moment he had no care in the world for the sleeping portraits or professors. By the grace of Godric she was still awake, and she quickly ushered him inside to silence the horrible noise of his loud knocking.

“Moony? What is it? What happened?” She placed both hands on his shoulders which were heaving from the sprinting he had just done.

He pulled the map from his back pocket, flicking it in the air for her to see.

“Is that what I think it is? Where the hell did you find that after all these years?”

“Harry had it, don’t ask me how because I don’t know, but right now I need you to be quiet and listen to what I’m about to say.” His eyes were wild.

“Okay.” She nodded, nervous for whatever would pass through his lips next.

“Harry said he saw a name on the map, a name we all thought no longer existed.”

“Remus, you're scaring me.” She was incredibly confused and scared for her friend who had obviously just had some sort of epiphany.

“Peter Pettigrew.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Are you sick? He’s dead Remus, he has been dead for twelve years!” She was angry now, she didn’t know if this was some cruel joke or what, but she wasn’t having it.

“I didn’t see it! Harry did, and you know that boy doesn’t lie, and neither does this map!” He hit the front of his map against his free hand. He turned away from her, giving himself a minute to calm down.

Y/n paced the room, trying to unscramble this new riddle in her life.

“Does this mean, does this mean he didn’t do it? Is Sirius innocent?” Her breath was quickening, her anxiety was spiking, and that cruel night began replaying in her head, over and over, as if it were there to torture her.

“That is exactly what that means! Smart girl, I knew you would figure it out! Now we need a plan, how do we get to Sirius before anyone else?” He turned back to face her, his eyes met not the steeled thirty-two year old woman, but the scared twenty year old who had just learned her best friends were dead.

Remus slowly made his way to her, helping her sit on the edge of her bed.

“Deep breaths dove, it’s okay. You’re not there anymore, you're in Hogwarts in your room. Everything will be okay.”

His strong hand running along her back and the reassuring words did nothing to quell her racing mind. His voice went in one ear and out the other as she thought about the exact moment the news reached her, how she fell to the ground and didn’t get up for over twelve hours. Suddenly her heartbeat was the loudest thing in the room.

“I-I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe Moony, please make it stop!” She slumped into his side, clinging onto his shirt for dear life.

“Hey, I’m here, I’m here. Everything is okay y/n, I need you to take some deep breaths for me.” He ran his hand along her hair, praying to Godric that he was helping and not making things worse.

When he finally felt her breaths slowing down, he gave a silent thank you to the sky. Minutes passed without a single utterance.

“Sirius is innocent.” She choked out after a while.

“He is.” Remus agreed.

The air was heavy, and their minds were racing, but Sirius was innocent, that was all that mattered.

May 1994

Hagrid was inconsolable, Buckbeak was dead and y/n had been in the hut with him for over an hour, listening to him tell all his best stories about the sweet creature. She felt for Hagrid, and she truly enjoyed hearing the stories, it gave her something meaningful to do with her night, and she was more than happy to be a shoulder to cry on for him. Hagrid’s latest story was interrupted by Remus unabashedly opening the door to the hut.

“Remus? What are you doing here?” Y/n stood up quickly, concern painting her face.

“Hagrid, I am very, very, sorry about Buckbeak but I need Professor y/l/n to come with me right now.” He was out of breath, but he got his point across without too much struggle.

“Oh go on, I've had yer ear for long enough.” Hagrid waved his hand signaling she could go. “I’ll be ok.”

That was all Remus needed to hear and within seconds he had grabbed her hand and pulled her from the small house, quickly running in the opposite direction.

“Sirius is back, we need to get to the womping willow now.”

They both quickened their pace, not knowing what was to come. The willow was angry, violently thrashing her branches into the earth. Fortunately the pair had experience dealing with the outbursts of the tree and they made it underneath with only a few scratches. Travelling through the tight tunnel under the tree they made it to the shrieking shack just in time to see Harry wrestling with Sirius.

The next fifteen minutes were a blur, Snape had somehow made his way there and had subsequently been thrown into a bed by a spell cast by Harry, Scabbers was revealed to be Peter, Harry was thrown for a loop multiple times, demanding answers and explanations, which he got. Sirius and Remus fell into stride after the yelling had subsided, after Harry learned the truth. It was as if the past twelve years had never happened, and yet he had yet to see her. She knew Remus had it handled, she knew this was his way of getting consolation, helping Sirius. She stayed back in the hallway, watching from afar. She would be lying if she said the only reason she did that was to not get in the way, as soon as she laid eyes on his withering figure she was paralyzed the same way as the night when her world was torn to shreds.

The Aftermath

Peter was back to being human, Remus, Harry and Sirius were all talking in a corner, Hermione was tending to Ron’s wound, and yet there she still stood in the shadows, not knowing how to make herself known to her old love. It wasn’t until her name came up in the conversation that she was finally broken out of her trance. She could hear Sirius asking about her, and Remus turned noticing for the first time that she had not followed him into the room.

“Harry give us a moment will you?” Remus asked, “Looks like your friends could use some help.”

Harry agreed and as he walked away Remus clapped a hand onto Sirius’s back.

“Follow me will you?” He looked to his oldest friend.

Remus led him out into the small hallway, and his eyes met hers for the first time in twelve years. Her chest was heaving from adrenaline and anticipation, her lip was bloody from the force of her teeth chewing on it for ten minutes straight, her brain had no clue what to do. Her legs carried her to him, her hands touched his face, and her lips parted.

“Twelve years, twelve bloody years and you were all I could think about.” Her voice was a whisper, so quiet and unsure of itself that she didn’t even know if she said the words out loud.

“You didn’t hate me?” He was timid.

“I hated you. I hated you for so many years, but no matter how much I hated you, I still found myself loving you.” A few tears lept from her eyes at the feeling of her skin on his, at the sound of his beautiful voice.

She leaned in, kissing him in a way that made him believe they had never been apart. Their lips clashed and his hands gripped her waist so tight that even if her knees gave out she would still be standing.

Her first love and her first hearbreak all wrapped in one.

The Inbetween

It was difficult to say the least. They had to figure out how to be around each other again, but no matter how hard it was the love they had for each other made everything seem so easy.

Sirius’s name was cleared after many months of secret meetings in secret locations which had not seen a human for centuries. They returned to 12 Grimmauld, fell asleep together every night, and woke up with their limbs entwined every morning. She told him stories about Harry, she detailed the past twelve years, and he hung onto every word. He cried into her chest in the middle of the night, nightmares plagued his mind, but now he had comfort, something he hadn't felt in over a decade. They both chased happiness and finally caught it after those excruciating years. No higher being or evil creature would separate the two ever again. Their bliss was their defense, but they were blindsided by another war, more chaos, and history would repeat itself.

Voldemort had returned.

18th June, 1996

The cycle continues. Happiness, tragedy, mourning, numbness. One simple spell was all it took to knock him into the hands of death. One simple spell was all it took for him to be ripped away from her once more. This time for good.

This time for eternity.

#thoughts from my grave #harry potter imagine #harry potter #harry potter angst #sirius black #sirius black angst #sirius black x reader #sirius orion black #sirius black imagine #sirius black x y/n #sirius black x you #marauders era #the marauders #sirius x reader #remus lupin

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racfoam · 10 months

Note

F PLEASE FOR NYNN PLEASEEEE

It’s really tough to pick my favourite quote... I have lots but those would be spoilers so I'll just quote some that stand out for me

nynn chapter 2

“Look how I marked you.” -Voldemort to Harry

- This shit gave me chills, I'm the proudest for the graveyard because it was the first first FIRST time I even wrote for the HP Fandom, wrote the characters. I am so PROUD of myself. That was my ever first chapter for HP overall to write and I'm so proud how it turned out. I was really proud of how I wrote Voldemort, it was scary how easy the words flowed for him and his dialogue. There were a lot of built-up ideas since 2018 after 'she walks in beauty' so I think that is also the reason. I actually wrote the graveyard somewhere in 2019 I think.

nynn chapter 4

“You can’t help him, Harry. He’s gone. It’s over. Let go.”

I was bawling like a baby after writing this sentence.

“...brought him home... Cedric told me... bring him home... to his parents...”

“I couldn’t leave him…!” Harry cried helplessly, holding onto Cedric protectively, [...] “Not there!”

This was completely inspired by the movie, it’s the most heartwrenching scene in the series.

“That’s right, Harry…” said Dumbledore softly. “You brought him home, you did well... Let go of him now, you wonderful girl....”

- yep, proud of this one, too. It's a reflection of the “Harry, you wonderful boy...” I think bcs it shows how Dumbledore sees how much Harry cares for people and that's why he says Harry is wonderful. Not everyone has such a heart as Harry’s.

nynn, chapter 6

“I don’t want to! I don’t want to understand, I don’t want to accept! It will break me! It will kill me!” - Harry

- I'm proud of this one because it tells a broader story. The mere idea of accepting Voldemort is back is terrible to Harry. The graveyard becomes the most traumatising moment of Harry's life — as Harry doesn't remember in detail the 1981 Halloween — and this event becomes what Harry can't stop thinking about. Harry is afraid of facing this new reality, she’s just a 14-year-old kid. A brave 14-year-old kid, but still a kid.

The frustration built up in her, released in the next words. “It’s my fault, Sirius. I told Cedric, I told Cedric to take the cup with me…Cedric wouldn’t have… died… if I wasn’t all noble! If I just… was faster, smarter, Cedric wouldn’t have… and Voldemort wouldn’t have come back!”

I like this one because it shows survivor’s guilt. I think there is a lot of psychological aspects never expanded on properly regarding Harry’s encounters with Voldemort and how it affects Harry, and I like delving into them.

nynn 4th year nightmare scene

I want to go home, I want to go home, Harry thought desperately, wishing she could move, run for the cup, get Cedric, hold Cedric’s hand again.

“You want to go home?” asked Voldemort sibilantly, speaking it slowly, softly. Let his voice carry into her ears. Groaning frightfully, Harry grabbed onto her ears, not wanting to hear his voice anymore. Clenched her eyes, not wanting to see his eyes anymore.

He smiled, but it was cold and cruel. “I am your home.”

- This is Harry’s subconscious showing Harry something deeper. Especially the last line. At least, I hope it came out that way. Very proud of this.

“They died on their feet! They died opposing you!”

And so will I and so will I and so will I and so will I —

“Do you yearn to do the same, Harriet? Are you going to rebel against what magic has chosen to happen?”

“I’ll take you with me!” swore Harry. “I’ll drag you to your worst fear with me!”

- The last line of this is sth that just gave me chills. It's so brave. Harry is willing to die with Voldemort if it means defeating him. I just really like the “I’ll drag you to your worst fear with me!” holy shit that was brilliant, and really impactful. I am VERY proud of that.

Also, the scene where McGonagall hugs Harry and later McGonagall’s speech to Harry is also one of my favourites.

nynn 5th Year

“Don’t ever say that bastard’s name again!” yelled Harry angrily, voice turning low and dangerous, a growl. Her heart raced in her chest, its rhythm kick-started with fury. “Don’t ever say Tom again, or I’ll turn you into a pocket watch.”

- Mostly proud of this bcs of how feral Harry can become when pissed off. There is sth to be said about her hating saying both Voldemort and Tom, spitting both names with venom. Also, Harry threatening to turn Dudley into a pocket watch was badass.

“You're outside, you’re outside,” said Voldemort, exultant and excited, sounding as if he couldn’t contain his joy...

- Yeah, this was fucking terrifying, I love it. 😊 The horror two words can become...

“Nothing much, just taking a summer stroll. I totally planned to sit on my knees.” said Harry,

“You know, the usual quiet day for me," said Harry gracefully. “One can never have too many quiet days.”

Voldemort spoke, soft as a whisper. “Indeed...”

“Who knows, by midnight I might get attacked by a dragon.” Hit by a sudden inspiration, Harry added hopefully, tired beyond description. “Actually, can I take the dragon now? Can you come to kidnap me later?”

Voldemort smiled.

- This shit was great to write, I love the little bit of banter between them, Harry's sarcastic "oh you know, taking a stroll, enjoying my quiet day" Harry wanting to take on a dragon rather than Voldemort and it is all rather funny if you take away the tension 🤣🤣

nynn chapter 17

A cold, warm breath puffed at the back of her nape.

“Until next time,” Voldemort drawled out the syllables of her name with ardent slowness, as if he were mapping whispering kisses over her skin. “Har-ry.”

- I know everyone lost their minds at the description of this, and I am very proud of this.

nynn chapter 3

“Step aside! I will have her! She is mine!”

“Piss off, you mad bastard!”

- Finishing off with the iconic reply, this one is another favourite of mine. Whenever I think of nynn, this is one of the quotes that stayed in my mind.

There are many more quotes, and I probably missed a lot of them, but here they are! Thank you for the ask and sorry it took me a while to answer this one.

Sending love 💖

#fic game

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commodoreseverus · 1 year

Text

The Afterlife of Eileen Snape and the Reunion with her only son

Pairing: Eileen Snape & Severus Snape, Eileen Snape x Tobias Snape, Severus Snape x Lily Evans (one-sided), Lily Evans x James Potter

Warning: Characters Death, Drinking, Dark Thoughts, Abusive

Tobias is hitting his wife again, as always. Severus is in his room doing his summer homework. He really wished that his father wasn't a Muggle...or better yet not his father.

Tobias picked up his empty beer bottle. "WOMAN! I TOLD YOU TO BUY ME WINE! AND WHY THERE IS NO WINE AGAIN? HAVE YOU DRINK IT?!" He demands angrily. He is drunk.

"They have no wine in the shop! And you have used up all our money for alcohol! We don't even have money for food !" Eileen shouts back.

Tobias is very angry now. He used the bottle in his hand to hit Eileen hard on the head. Eileen immediately fallen onto the ground and screams in pain. Blood is seeping from her head.

Severus rushes out of his room when he heard his mother screams. He immediately saw the blood. He tried to help her. But Tobias use the bottle to hit Eileen continuously. And Tobias ignored Severus's protest and screaming.

The last thought in Eileen's mind was, "Severus my son. Be safe. Be strong. I love you."

—🦇

It is 1981's Halloween today. Eileen looks at the world of the living. Her heart has broken when she knows her son became a Death Eater. But in her mind, she always know that her son Severus is brave and loyal. He knows what is wrong and what is right. She really missed him.

Her son is her everything. She is sad that she can never protect him from harm again.

She watched the Potters are murdered. And her son goes to Godric's Hallow. And her heart breaks when he saw Lily is dead. He hugs her dead body and cried. He wished he never was a Death Eater, never called her a mudblood.

She watched as her son stopped crying. In the later years, she never saw him smile again. To say the truth, she had never seen him smile since he went to Hogwarts. Severus seems heartless because his heart died .

—🦇

Today is 2 May 1998, Eileen watched her son protected Lily's son Harry over the years. She watched as her son went to the Shrieking Shack, the shack that nearly caused him killed by a werewolf.

Her eyes widen as she saw ordered her once handsome classmate, Tom Riddle, ordered his snake Nagini to attack him. She cried as Nagini continuously to attack her son.

"I regret it," said Voldemort coldly, and Disapparated.

Severus stood there, his knees shaking. They gave way and he fell to the floor, lay sprawled on the ground, breathing hard and clutching the bloody cuts in his neck.

It was painful. White-hot searing pain was spreading through his whole body. He blinked his eyes. He was going to see Lily again. He would no longer need to do this. He didn't want to fight anymore.

And suddenly there was a ripple in the landscape, and Severus thought it was his own blurring vision, until he realised who stood there.

Harry Potter crouched gently at his side, and held his hand gently on Severus's neck. It subsided the pain.

He wanted something suddenly. Pain and longing burst through his veins. He thought of all the happy memories he'd shared with Lily before James had took her. And he forced them through his mind.

White memories began trickling from him. With great difficulty, he burst words out.

"Take it...take it..." The words issued from his throat, barely audible, but Harry understood, and took the thoughts with a flask.

Severus had no blood left in him. There was only one thought in his mind: Lily.

He burst with longing again. The last thing he wanted to see...he did not want to see those glasses, nor that black hair, nothing about James. He forced his hand up and pulled the glasses off, pulled Harry closer.

And he stared into those dazzling green eyes, Lily's dazzling green eyes, and he almost smiled, Lily, Lily, he was going to see Lily, mother...and Dumbledore...

Then he sees no more....and his eyes are closed forever....

— 🦇

When Severus opened his eyes once again, he saw his mother standing there, greeting him with a watery smile. He missed his mother, he runs over her and hugs her.

He looks around. He saw Lupin with his wife,Tonks. "Oh no...their son is an orphan now..." he thought sadly. He saw Fred Weasley as well. Sirius Black, James Potter and finally....Lily...beautiful Lily.

He looks at his beautiful green eyes. He breaks away from his mother's hug and walks towards Lily.

"I am sorry...." he told her. Lily just smiled at him. "Thank you for saving my son Sev." She said.

Eileen looks at his son and smiled. They are all finally reunited once more...even it means his death.

#severus snape #eileen snape #eileen prince #severus snape x lily evans #professor severus snape #severus tobias snape #snape x lily #lily evans #tobias snape #james potter #commodoreseverushp #harry potter fanfiction #hp fanfic #hp fandom #snape community #snape fanfiction #snape fandom

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artemisia-black · 1 year

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I’m trying to figure out the timeline of the First Wizarding War for a fic, and I legit feel like the red string guy from the meme. I’m all “Lily says she cried all night in a letter to Sirius in July 1981, when she heard about the McKinnons, so presumably it hasn’t been long since Marlene and her family were killed from the time Lily writes that letter” and “Moody gives Harry a photo of the Order that was taken two weeks before Marlene was killed” and we learn a whole bunch of members died that second half of 1981, so now I’m at “how did Caradoc Dearborn go missing 6 months after the photo was taken but it got blamed on the war? Voldemort fell that Halloween, and it sends shockwaves through British magical society when the Longbottoms are tortured, the war’s already over by then; it’s implied the torture happens pretty soon after Halloween, so there’s not a lot of distance between the two events. 6 months after July-ish is January, the war’s over by then. Why the hell did this guy just disappear?”

Haha anon- the number of times I've used that image when trying to untangle the timelines that make no sense (Cygnus Black fathering children at 13- I'm looking at you).

So here's what we know about the timeline:

The Marauders posed for that picture anytime between 1978-1981. Marlene Mckinnon is in that photo and according to Moody she died 2 weeks after, so the photo was taken in 1981 (if we correlate it with Lily's letter). But the Potter's went into hiding in 1980 (just before Harry's birth), so could it be that they still went to Order meetings? if so, why is Lily reporting that James is frustrated and wants to go out a bit? And if they are still going to Order meetings then there isn't a delay in the event and Lily hearing about it.

Also in the photo Moody's nose is intact:

"There’s me,” said Moody unnecessarily, pointing at himself. The Moody in the picture was unmistakable, though his hair was slightly less gray and his nose was intact."

From Canon, we know that someone called Rosier takes Moody’s nose and we learn this at Karkaroff’s trial/snitching session which takes place after Voldemort falls (1981-2). Side note: this man gives no decent info, yet they let him out despite him being an admitted death eater.

“Rosier is dead,” said Crouch. “He was caught shortly after you were too. He preferred to fight rather than come quietly and was killed in the struggle.”

“Took a bit of me with him, though,” whispered Moody to Harry’s right. Harry looked around at him once more, and saw him indicating the large chunk out of his nose to Dumbledore.

So, the photo is taken before Rosier attacked him, but according to Sirius:

“Rosier and Wilkes — they were both killed by Aurors the year before Voldemort fell.”

That would place the photo even earlier, in 1979 or 1978, which makes no sense if we’re trying to place the death of the Mckinnons, unless it was only Marlene who was killed, and her family was wiped out later. But the quote from Moody implies that it was all of them at once.

“That’s Marlene McKinnon, she was killed two weeks after this was taken, they got her whole family.”

Unless there are two Rosiers (Death eating is a family business). The one that Sirius knew died in 1980 and the one that takes Moody’s nose dies in 1981-2 ish.

It would explain this quote:

“Then if I were to go to the Hog’s Head tonight, I would not find a group of them — Nott, Rosier, Mulciber, Dolohov — awaiting your return? “

Perhaps this is the father?

But re the photo: it makes the most sense to be taken in 1979 rather than 1980 and the timeline plotted around it (you could argue that Moody is misremembering).

#this makes my brain hurt #first wizarding war #harry potter

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firendgold · 9 months

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Hi, I dont know if your exactly the right person for this but you know those james and lily lives aus? Well i cant stand them and thats because they always make all the problems go away as well. But I figured out an au of this which I like. Which start of with Sirius actually becoming the secret keeper but then the rest stay the same like Peter is still a spy voldemort is still at large Harry is still the chosen one. And then you have Harry start school and hes probably friends with Neville allready and knows about wizard stuff but the rest of the actual story stay mostly the same. I think that would be quite interesting to see.

Hmm. Interesting, definitely... I don't know if that much stuff would stay the same if James and Lily lived. Not to say they're super important and would Definitely Change The Course of the War or anything, but their presence would definitely change Harry's story drastically, especially if he's still the main character of the fic. You'd have to grapple with the fact that for starters, Harry might not be chosen by Voldemort at all. There's a lot of new dominoes here.

But let's assume Voldemort does still think Harry is the greater threat to him. If Peter remains the traitor but he doesn't have the Potters' address to pass on, then Voldemort goes after Sirius. Since Secret-Keepers can't be forced to give up their secret, Sirius is definitely dead in any modern day AU like this. Peter may or may not be dead as well if he didn't have any more information to offer, but not without taking even more Order members with him who originally survived. Whether or not James finds out about Peter's treachery, that's two of his best friends he's lost in probably only a few years. It's likely to make him even more reckless than he already is, which may badly affect Lily and Harry.

Annnd that's only true if James, Lily and Harry are even alive past all that. Is the AU just that they live past Halloween or they somehow manage to evade Voldemort into the 1990s? If so, that could be because Voldemort kills Harry without having to go through his parents.

As for Neville... I think it's likely that if Voldemort had succeeded in killing Harry, he would have killed Neville too for good measure, so I have no idea what Neville's family looks like in a Jily lives!AU or if he's still alive to experience it.

We also don't know what Snape will do in a world where Voldemort threatens Lily, he swears his allegiance to Dumbledore and becomes a spy, and then Lily just... stays alive and married to his worst enemy, while also possibly popping out kids every few years as the wizards like to do for some reason. Does he remain loyal? Does he start giving Voldemort a little too much information in hopes that maybe James, Remus and Harry get caught in the crossfire somewhere?

But let me put all my conjecture aside. Assuming everything happened as you said, that version of Harry would have to work very hard in a fanfic or else he'd probably bore me. I know that's awful to say! But I don't like Jily lives!AUs either. There are some characters in canon whose deaths I'm super okay with, and they're high up on the list. A Harry who grows up with his parents probably ends up inheriting a lot of James' flaws. He loses the attachment issues that make him compelling to me. I also find it more fun that Harry straddles both the Muggle and magical worlds because of his upbringing. Not in a muggle!wank way though! I'm not on that "Muggles do everything better" train.

So yeah, I'm kind of boring but the only time I read James and Lily being alive is if Harry either time-travels backward before 1981 or if he ends up in another dimension where he gets to experience his parents without actually experiencing his parents.

#thanks for the ask!#sorry if my answer wasn't satisfying since I only read dimension-hopping AUs and such #but working out all the ways an AU could be different and good would be cool!#I like Harry being in pain #(maybe that's why I love time travel harryd--)#ANYWAY #fireandgoldposts #not fireandgold

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emlupinblack · 2 years

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ADOPTING HARRY

Today was the day. The day that Remus and Sirius where going to adopt little Harry. After the Potters where tragically murdered by Voldemort, Harry was taken into the care of his only living relatives - Lily’s sister Petunia and Petunias’ husband Vernon. They had their own little boy named Dudley who was around Harry’s age maybe a little bit younger.

After a year in Azkaban, Sirius was free due to the fact the Pettigrew was caught alive and since Sirius was in there for supposedly killing him, he was now a free man. As soon as he got out, he had met Remus and they apparated to Grimmauld Place to start getting Harry’s bedroom prepared for his arrival.

The two marauders where due to get the adoption papers from the Ministry Of Magic and as soon as they had the papers, they can go to Privet Drive and get their pup. Before that halloween night in 1981, both Sirius and Remus where quite close with little Harry, they adored him in fact. They so wanted to bring Harry home and do James and Lily proud.

When they arrived at Privet Drive, they heard some screaming, this alarmed them immediately but they politely knocked on the door. When the door was opened, a medium sized, pointy nosed women’s eyes went wide as she remembered who these two where. They were “freaks” like her sister.

“What do you want? We were told when we took the brat in that no one of your kind would bother us” the middle aged women said with a snide at the two men.

“Well well well, if it isn’t Tuny. It’s been quite some time hasn’t it? Now, watch your tone when you’re talking about our godson, you wouldn’t want to make this visit any more difficult then it has to be do you? Sirius sneered as he looked around for a sight of Harry. Harry should be two years old right now and he normally looked so much like his father, you could pick him out so easily. Only this time, this little boy - baby even was covered in bruises and cuts and would flinch at the slightest of movements.

Remus kneeled in front of the toddler and smiled kindly “Hiya sweetheart, I’m Remus and this is Sirius. We’re your godparents”. Harry looks hesitantly at the two before trying to escape in fear of them hurting him just like his uncle does. This breaks both the marauders hearts since the Harry they knew was so affectionate and always giggly. This boy looked malnourished, he looked so gravely underweight and he was covered in dirt, he mustn’t of bathed in a long time.

“What do you want with the boy?” Vernon demanded eyeing Sirius up and down disapprovingly. Remus scoffed at how ill they spoke of their pup, he hated it. After a brief moment of clearing his throat, Remus walked closer towards the fat, small man “We’re here to collect our godson. All we need you to do is sign these adoption papers and we’ll be on our way”. Without much hesitation, the two Dursley’s both signed the adoption papers and handed it to Sirius whilst Remus went to get Harry from wherever he had wondered off to.

“Harry, baby, you don’t need to be afraid, me or Sirius will never ever ever hurt you. Let’s go home shall we?” Harry finally allowed Remus to pick him up and they headed back to the front room and when Petunia hands Sirius Harry’s bag with his belonging he looks at it in shock “Is this all? Where’s all his toys? Clothes?” Petunia laughs and says “He doesn’t deserve any of that. This is all he has, he should be grateful we gave him some of Dudley’s old clothes the spoilt brat”. Both marauders frown at this and take a note that they’d need a shopping trip to get Harry the necessities and a few toys.

The new family hop into Sirius’ flying motorbike and fly to Grimmauld Place with Harry in Remus’ arms. They finally had him home, were he belonged.

#harry potter #marauders #marauders era #sirius orion black #remus lupin #remus x sirius #wolfstar #vernon dursley #petunia dursley #privet drive #grimmauld place

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sunflowerim · 2 years

Text

If I didn't know better, I'd think you were still around

Marauders au. Word Count: 2203.

1981

Remus couldn’t breathe.

So much had happened in the last few hours. He hadn’t had time to process all of it and now he was going to the last place he wanted to. Hogwarts. James and Lily were dead. Little Harry had apparently been entrusted to his blood relatives as per Dumbledore’s orders. Remus would have to talk to Dumbledore about it. He wasn’t letting Harry out of his sight at any cost now. But he’d have to deal with that later. As of now, how could he enter Hogwarts with the knowledge that the two of the best people in his life, that he’d spent years with at this place, were no more? Blinded by rage, Sirius had chased down Peter. Peter Pettigrew, the small kid of their class, the weakest among them, who’d been an undercover spy for Voldemort and had paved the way for the death of his own “friends”. Sirius’ chase was futile because Peter had disappeared after distracting everyone with a series of blasts and Sirius had locked himself in his room ever since, not even responding to Remus when he informed him of Dumbledore wishing to meet them at Hogwarts. It was justified and Remus didn’t push him. He just squared his shoulders and showed up at the school gates on his own.

Easier said than done. The whole school echoed with their memories. It was only 3 years ago that all of them had graduated, with one sole purpose in their minds of fighting the dark lord and now he was back here, alone, struggling to fight with the ghost of the memories.

He wanted to head up straight to Dumbledore’s chambers. But he couldn’t. His mind wandered to all the places where he’d spent time with his friends and quite against his will, he found himself walking towards the Great Lake, towards the tree where Lily had first found him.

⠀⠀⠀Never be so kind, you forget to be clever

⠀⠀⠀Never be so clever, you forget to be kind

He remembered hiding in one of the branches in their first year, after getting picked on by a group of seventh years for being a half-blood. He’d shrunk in front of the big kids and ran for his life. Lily had found him, consoled him, and told him that she’d been called worse. It was a weird thing to bond over but together they’d decided that next time on, they won’t let anyone step on them. The same Lily never hesitated in admonishing him in the later years when he went too far with the pranks. “This isn’t you Rems,” she’d say. “Don’t have fun at the expense of others. You know how it feels.”

⠀⠀⠀And if I didn’t know better

⠀⠀⠀I’d think you were talking to me now

Standing under that tree at that moment, Remus could still hear Lily’s voice. Hear her laughter, her promises, and even her scoldings.

⠀⠀⠀If I didn’t know better

⠀⠀⠀I’d think you were still around

Tears threatened to spill out, but Remus held them back. He couldn’t break down now. Because there was no one to pick him up. As if on cue, a soft wind blew over the great lake, rustling the leaves on the trees and the ground, weaving through Remus’ hair.

⠀⠀⠀What died didn’t stay dead

⠀⠀⠀You’re alive, you’re alive in my head

It hurt too much. Despite the air, Remus couldn’t breathe. Despite being on the bank of the Great Lake, Remus felt like he was drowning; desperately wishing a mop of red hair would come rushing to save him.

⠀⠀⠀What died didn’t stay dead

⠀⠀⠀You’re alive, so alive

Just over twelve hours ago, James and Lily were alive. There had been no Halloween party this year because of the war going on, but James had come by Sirius and Remus’ apartment in the morning to drop off the pastries Lily had baked. They’d talked about throwing a big party next year, because they were sure the war would be over by then. It had taken mere hours after that for the war to be over, but at what cost? It didn’t feel real. A part of Remus believed that James, Lily, and Harry were still in hiding and he’d soon get a visit from James or Lily depending on who got bored first. A second gust of wind gave him chills. He tightened his scarf and made his way towards the building.

⠀⠀⠀Never be so polite, you forget your power

⠀⠀⠀Never wield such power, you forget to be polite

On the way, he could see the Quidditch field. The goalposts stood tall along with the house banners, unaffected by everything that was happening. He thought back to the time Remus was trying out for the Quidditch team with Sirius, both for the beater position. James, who was already on the team, was a professional even at fourteen. He’d kept on telling Remus that it was okay to send the bludgers directly towards the players of the opposite team because the opposite team would be doing the same thing back. Remus always deflected them away from his team but never towards his opponents. “Save your kindness for outside the field, Moony, or you’ll end up getting hit by the same people you’re sparing,” he used to say. On the other hand, this same James would scold Sirius for being too brutal. “Merlin Pads we’re not here to kill.” In the end, Sirius had toned down his aggression but Remus couldn’t change, so he’d dropped out of the trials. Marlene was better suited for the spot anyway. Remus was happy to keep Lily company in the stands, cheering on for their house during matches.

⠀⠀⠀And if I didn’t know better

⠀⠀⠀I’d think you were listening to me now

⠀⠀⠀If I didn’t know better

⠀⠀⠀I’d think you were still around

He closed his eyes. The last Quidditch match was still so vivid in his mind. They were in their final year and Remus had chosen to be the commentator. It was a memorable match and they’d won. The Gryffindor crowd carried the Quidditch team on their shoulders, while marching to the common room. And not to mention, everyone had cheered for Remus too for making the commentary funny and lively. Remus wanted to cheer for James once again. He had a feeling James would hear him. He’d once again be sandwiched in a hug by Sirius and James, their voices screaming, “We won Moony!”

⠀⠀⠀What died didn’t stay dead

⠀⠀⠀You’re alive, you’re alive in my head

⠀⠀⠀What died didn’t stay dead

⠀⠀⠀You’re alive, so alive

Remus resumed his steps towards the building. The Great Hall was empty. The students were home. The parents had been reluctant to send their children to school when the only thing on the news was death. But right now the entire wizarding world was celebrating. Voldemort had been defeated. Even the students would come back soon.

⠀⠀⠀The autumn chill that wakes me up

⠀⠀⠀You loved the amber skies so much

Remus walked over to a bench on the Gryffindor column. Their usual. Remus was never a morning person and every day he’d be dragged to the table by one of his friends. His pleas to stay in bed because of the chilly weather would be in vain. Across from Remus was a huge window from where the huge holly tree was visible. The same tree under which they would gather after the classes were over at times to just watch the sky change colour.

⠀⠀⠀Long limbs and frozen swims

⠀⠀⠀You’d always go past where our feet could touch

⠀⠀⠀And I complained the whole way there

⠀⠀⠀The car ride back and up the stairs

Often times James would suggest an impromptu swim in the Great Lake and Sirius would scurry along leaving the others to actually enjoy a moment of calm. And sometimes Remus would join them or rather ‘had to’ join them because apparently, “it’s necessary for werewolves to stay fit for easy transformations.” Remus complained, but always gave in after James offered to give him a piggy back ride back to the dorms and Sirius would get jealous every time, constantly switching between “Why won’t you carry me Jamie?” and “I can give Moony a piggyback too”. As for Remus, he’d quietly enjoy the absurdity of it all.

⠀⠀⠀I should’ve asked you questions

⠀⠀⠀I should’ve asked you how to be

⠀⠀⠀Asked you to write it down for me

Anger flared up for a moment as he thought that Peter was also there all those times. Remus should have known. Someone who’s animangus is a rat wouldn’t be loyal till the end. But that’s the thing about staying around James and Lily - you learn to be kind, you learn to trust people, you learn to see the good even in the worst. It’s like Lily had this rule book of how to love people which James adhered to and the rest of them followed. They were the sort who befriended and cared for a fricking werewolf. Obviously, they wouldn’t doubt a friend. If James and Lily had known about Peter being the spy, they would have probably thought of giving Peter a chance at redemption. They’d have been kind. But Remus couldn’t. Neither could Sirius. A world without James and Lily didn’t seem kind or warm anymore and if he ever got his hands on Peter, there would be no forgiveness. He quickly put those thoughts aside. He didn’t want to think about that traitor now. Being there at the hall brought back too many memories. And Remus was getting late, so got up and left for Dumbledore’s chambers.

⠀⠀⠀Should’ve kept every grocery store receipt

⠀⠀⠀'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

⠀⠀⠀Watched as you signed your name Marjorie

But of course he got distracted as he passed by the library where he’d spent hours after hours, sometimes with his friends. As he watched the rows of books through the glass doors, another memory made it’s way back. During their group study sessions at the library, James would always feel obligated to write notes and pass them around, which eventually turned into a game of Chinese whispers but in written form. And most times Madam Prince would sneak up from behind and burn those pieces of paper. One time during the fifth year, Sirius had made a paper plane of the note where James had written 'Lily Evans Potter’ and sent it Lily’s way. Lily had been furious but Remus had seen her sneak it into her bag when she thought nobody was looking. Remus had never kept any of those but now he wishes he had.

⠀⠀⠀All your closets of backlogged dreams

⠀⠀⠀And how you left them all to me

Desperately trying to keep his composure Remus walked on. He had to meet with Dumbledore and get this over with before it got too overwhelming. His plans were foiled yet again when he came to the end of the corridor and in front of the Trophy Room which was open for some reason. Before he could change his mind, he walked inside and suppressed another sob, his eyes automatically finding the engraved names he loved so much.

Lily Evans - Head Girl

James Potter - Gryffindor Quidditch Captain, Chaser and Head Boy

When Sirius had gifted Harry a broom on his first birthday, James had said that he’d show Harry around the Trophy room and tell him how both his parents had made it to the list of the elite. Remus or Sirius would have to do that now.

⠀⠀⠀And if I didn’t know better

⠀⠀⠀I’d think you were singing to me now

⠀⠀⠀If I didn’t know better

⠀⠀⠀I’d think you were still around

He remembered Lily singing Harry lullabies about Hogwarts and warning Sirius to not teach the kid any sort of mischief. That’s when the realization hit him like a truck. The only people left in Harry’s life now were Sirius and Remus. James wouldn’t show Harry around Hogwarts when it was time and Lily wouldn’t stop Sirius from teaching Harry pranks. Because they were gone. Remus allowed the tears to fall this time. His knees wobbled and he hit the ground, sobbing uncontrollably, his emotions all over the place. They were just twenty-one, so full of life, a happy family with a little kid, and the war had destroyed it. He’d always just assumed that they’d all make it through the war but the harsh reality of it was weighing down on him now. Two of his friends were dead and all he could do was crumble before their memories.

⠀⠀⠀I know better

⠀⠀⠀But I still feel you all around

⠀⠀⠀I know better

⠀⠀⠀But you’re still around

Hogwarts would always be haunted by these memories. Remus could try to run away but he knew he’d keep coming to remind himself of the good times and the innocence of their young years. He’d always come back even though the memories broke him in every way possible. He’d always come back because this was the home he’d shared with his friends for the longest time. Because in the end, no matter how far you go, you always come back home.

A/N : Sorry for the hurt. This was basically me chanelling my exam stress into angst. The books explore Jily's death mostly from Sirius' pov and I've felt that it's a bit unfair because Remus was also close to them. So here's 'Marjorie' from Remus' pov.

Also, this is my only au that includes Pet*r. I didn't want to include him, but obviously I wanted to blame him for everything so--

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into-the-stars · 1 year

Text

Summary: New Year’s Eve 1981 Anna has a child free evening and spends it with Remus her only friend left. Also a small scene in a bigger WIP, 9 Christmases with Sirius Black and 1 without. I’ve written like 6 different versions of this scene warnings: depression, suicidal thoughts, grieving, death of friends, loneliness, by most definitions cheating

art by midjourney

It was a bad idea. It was a bad idea drinking as much as they had, until the room was spinning and Remus was having to hold her up, or she was steadying herself with her hand placed on his chest. And she found herself staring at his face — it was the only thing in focus — and remembering just how much she found him attractive in school. A silly, stupid school girl crush that had enveloped into a very special kind of love over a decade of friendship.

But honestly, Remus quite fit. His sandy brown hair was a mess because she kept running her fingers through it — she enjoyed the way he subconsciously leaned into her hands. She constantly fiddled with her hands if she wasn’t doing something actively with them —she’d chewed her nails to blood and oblivion since Halloween and was trying to grow them back— so running her fingers through Remus’s hand was the best option. Especially when he looked so content as she did it.

“I’m going to fall asleep if you keep doing this,” Remus muttered as what little nails she had massaged his scalp. After the last round of shots, they’d settled on his sofa and she’d started her assault just to see how his expression relaxed.

“You deserve the rest,” she replied quietly and didn’t cease.

“We both do,” he pulled away from her reach and turned his body to look at her. “This year has been hell.”

“Mm,” she hummed, it was an understatement but the pathway to reflection opened fresh wounds. She didn’t want to think. “I can drink to that.” She started to get up to go back in the kitchen and Remus grabbed her wrist and she stopped. “What?”

“You’re going to fall over.”

“I can still remember. I would rather—“

“Anna. Sit.” She frowned but sat nevertheless. “You need to be able to function in the morning. Elle’s three.”

“Molly’s already said she’d watch her as long as i needed. She’s a saint.” He entangled his fingers with hers. “Don’t judge me for wanting to forget.” He said nothing, just brushed her hair behind her ear. “Is it midnight yet?”

His eyes left her, looking for the clock. “Just after, now.”

In a stupid, idiotic move she moved forward and pressed her lips against his. For a moment they were both frozen. Then despite herself — despite the anxiety and sadness and mourning that filled her every day — she moved her lips against his. Terrified that if she pulled away he would leave. Even if it was his flat. He’d leave and she’d be alone. There was no one else.

He tasted like fire whiskey cinnamon and vanilla. Her hands found his hair and she pulled him closer. She couldn’t do this alone. Living the rest of this life. She didn’t want him to leave. Time had moved too slowly during the war. The long days and nights had dragged on, but still time had gone by too fast. Tick tick tick of time had dragged them unwillingly into a war where they had lost everyone. They were all alone.

Tick.

How long until loneliness outweighed the memories of togetherness? How long until she got swallowed up by her own mourning? Or would she become numb to it? Numb to how much her beautiful daughter looked like her father. Beautiful grayish-blue eyes, black curls that contrasted her own red. Numb to the memories of the love that had made her. The sense of blind faith that everything would have ended up okay after the war. The war — the death, the anger, the loss, the sadness, and the lack of true hope — was worth the world that their daughter would grow up in. A world without Voldemort.

How could everything have gone so wrong?

Tick.

Even though she felt like she couldn’t get Remus close enough, she still pulled away. Dejected. Breathless. Lost. Overheated.

“I’m sorry,” she said, still so very close to him. “I’m sorry,” she repeated and jerked away. Standing so quickly that the room spun.

She found herself outside. It was colder than she expected, sharp cold wind made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Her chest was tight, breathing was hard. The inside lights were blurs of yellow.

She tasted tears on her lips.

She tried to pull everything inside of herself, but she shook with sobs. She heard the faint sound of cheering and perhaps a “Happy new year!” She was just as much of a wreck in 1982 as she was in ‘81.

“Anna?” There was a rush of warm from the door and she looked towards the blurred Remus. She wiped her face and sniffed.

“Hey.” Her voice cracked with emotion. “I just needed a minute.”

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have—“

“Remus Lupin you’re perfect and it drives me bloody mad,” he opened his mouth to respond but her words kept tumbling out. “You’ve been so helpful with everything. From Elle to just keeping me going and I can’t do this without you. And — and I’ve made it weird and I don’t want to lose you. I’m just so fucking tired.”

“Anna come back inside.”

“A little cold air isn’t going to kill me. I could do that myself.” She shrugged and crossed her arms over herself. Remus’s jaw tightened. “McGonagall would take Elle. I asked over the summer. If something happened to the both of us — with James and Lily in hiding and what happened to Frank and Alice…” she trailed off, forcing air into her lungs. She swallowed the lump in her throat. “She’d be taken care of.”

He reached for her and she withdrew further away. “She needs you. I need you. Here.”

“I know,” she barely whispered. “I know. I’m sorry.” He crossed the space between them and pulled her into his arms. He was so warm she couldn’t bare to push him away. “Please don’t hate me.”

“I could never hate you. You’re not just a star to me, Anna, you’re my whole sky.” She looked up at him and blinked back tears. She could’ve kissed him again and again… “Let’s go back inside.”

He held her and held her. He hardly let go of her as she went back inside. He insisted she drink a glass of water and she did. Exhaustion and sorrow filled her in a way that she’d been trying to push back for weeks.

He held her in the living room, the lights dimmed, and the radio was still playing softly. He rubbed her back as she let herself cry into his chest. They melted, in a way, to the floor, Remus supporting himself against the sofa and Anna laying on him. Her hands on his chest, his arms around her back in a hug.

Her first friend in this country was her last. It was that bittersweet thought that lingered in her head as she drifted to sleep, listening to Remus’s breathing.

It was still dark when she woke up with stiffness and the need to pee. Her eyes took a minute to adjust to the darkness but what she could make out of Remus Lupin’s face was just beautiful and serene. He smelled like the forest and pages of a book. She didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to wake him. He was just so… Remus.

Remus who kept her steady when all she wanted to do was collapse. Remus who had walked her through the holidays. Remus who has stayed up with her to decorate the Christmas tree for Elle. Remus who made her smile when he sang muggle Christmas songs in the early hours of the day. Who wiped her tears and held her, whispering that it was going to be okay. Remus who had talked her down when she panicked about meeting his parents for the first time on Christmas.

Remus John Lupin her very best and only friend left.

Her bodily needs overruled her want to admire Remus and she shifted in Remus’s arms and tried to reposition without waking him. She moved, he seemed to grip tighter. “Rem,” she whispered. “Let’s move to your bed.” She tried to untangle her legs from his. His eyes wearily blinked open. “Rem,” she heard the whine in her voice as she repeated his name, “Let’s move to your bed. I have to pee.”

“What time is it?” His grip loosen and she pushed herself up and off of him.

“Dunno. It’s still dark out.” She stood and wobbled a bit. “Figured we have time for proper sleep in a bed.”

#Otp: you’re my whole sky #remus lupin x oc #Sirius Black x oc #marauders era #marauders fic #harry potter #10 christmases #Alli writing #Marauders alli style #Pov: anna #remus lupin #sirius black #mwpp era #marauders #harry potter fanfiction

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heartofspells · 1 year

Note

Guess what today is. If you guessed a 5SOS5 song day, you’re right, and you get a devastating song as a reward. Today is Red Line, and let me tell you, I laughed when I realized I wound up using almost the whole song. Truly, Red Line is heartbreaking and I love it. So like, wanna see how tragic I can make Wolfstar? No? Too bad, I’m doing it anyways. Spoiler: This song is not the song for a Wolfstar with a happy ending, so like, maybe don’t read this ask if you really want Wolfstar to come back together and be happy in the Second War.

“It's hard to think when I'm not faded / I thought I could repair myself / When you asked me, ‘What's the matter?’ / The actor says he hates himself / When we collided in the morning / Screaming with the mission bell / We burnt the city without warning / Reaching out for someone's help”

There so much I could say about this, truly. This really does have the vibes of Sirius and Remus, right after Remus learns it wasn’t Sirius who betrayed James and Lily, but the damage is long done. Absolutely nothing can undo over a decade with Dementors at all hours, nor can anything change the fact that Remus and Sirius once distrusted each other so much they were able to believe the other was a traitor that planned on letting two of their closest friends die, and there’s no way to fix that. “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair” and Sirius and Remus don’t have forever; it actually took years to fully shatter their trust, which might be worse, because it was a slow and steady destruction of everything they were together, and forever might not be long enough to fix that, so 2 years certainly could not be. The forest of their love wasn’t just burned to the ground on Halloween of 1981 and the following 12 years, they salted the ground as well, so they can never regrow what used to be there.

“How many times did we run from each other? / How many times did I walk out the door? / Into the dark, we're no good for each other / Into the dark, I'm not welcome no more”

Sirius and Remus tried to rebuild their relationship in the aftermath of the First War and Azkaban, but that kind of distrust is nigh impossible to ever come back from. It is almost impossible to fully trust someone again, knowing at one point this person thought you were betraying your closest friends and everything you believed in and what Sirius left behind everything he grew up with for (Sirius stepped onto the battlefield knowing there was every possibility he’d face off against his little brother or that his cousin might be under one of those masks, he believed in what the Order was fighting for so much that he was willing to risk that, and Remus still thought he turned his back on the Order and their friends, on the people Sirius made his family), and in Sirius’s case, that this person also believed him to be a mass murderer that got their best friend and said best friend’s wife killed and tried to hand his godson over to Voldemort. They’ve walked away from each other so many times, what with the mutual spy beliefs and also 12 years in Azkaban without one actual question or a trial, and they ran from each other in the First War because neither wanted to actually admit they believed the spy was also the man they were in love with so avoiding each other was as good a solution as any, and by the time the Second War comes around, there’s too much bad history there for them to ever be good for each other, no matter how much they love one another. There’s still love there, there will always be love between them, but 12 years spent believing Sirius was the traitor has ensured it can never ever be healthy, because that’s the kind of belief that ends everything. Sirius and Remus once promised each other forever, they swore they’d always be together, but the second Peter handed over the Potters and framed Sirius, the second Sirius was believed to be a notorious Death Eater without a trial, they ended. Maybe they could’ve gotten past the fact that each thought the other was the spy, the First War canonically made everyone distrust each other so it’s not like the distrust was unique to them, but 12 years in Azkaban is a hell of a thing to get past, so can they ever go back to a relationship knowing that one party spent over a decade thinking the other was a murderer that killed everyone they both cared about?

They metaphorically walked away from each other hundreds of times during the First War, never able to actually, physically go through with it because they knew it meant ending not just their relationship but sending irreparable cracks into the foundation of the entire friendship of the Marauders, this would’ve had an impact on every last one of their close friends because it meant saying “7 years of friendship meant nothing to my partner, he turned his back on all of us, I slept next to him and didn’t realize when he started lying, he was happy to work for a man planning to kill several of us, I can’t stop loving who he used to be” and they couldn’t bring themselves to send a wrecking ball through their lives without undeniable proof, because they will never stop hoping they’re wrong about the other being the traitor, but they still don’t trust each other and they’ve both put up walls between them, their trust and faith in each other has long since walked out the door.

“Lonely hours cut me so deep / The only part that gives me hell / A secret weapon no one showed me / Fall out of love you lose yourself / Every hour ticking by, I think about you / I reminisce your memory, and what did I choose? / A sentimental comedy, the joke is on you / It's on me, too”

👀

If only Sirius and Remus had trusted each other, this song wouldn’t apply to them. However, that’s not the case, which is great for me. There’s not just the distrust, but Azkaban wreaked havoc on the inmates, and removed a decent chunk of the happy memories, so Sirius not only has to know Remus really did believe he got James and Lily killed and then murdered over 10 innocent muggles, but he’s also lacking several of the happy memories they had together, there’s possible several years of their relationship that only Remus can recall, because while Sirius kept his sanity, the Dementors still caused some damage.

Also, this is totally Remus in aftermath of the fateful Halloween, thinking of all his memories of Sirius and how much Remus loved him, and Sirius killed their closest friends and tried to kill Harry. “Lonely hours cut me so deep / The only part that gives me hell” is very much Remus thinking about everything at night, when he’s no longer able to distract himself and all he can think about is how his bed used to have two people in it, but even that’s tainted because Remus cannot tell when Sirius started betraying them all, so was any part of their relationship real, or did Sirius start a relationship with Remus simply to cement his place in the Order and give the appearance of walking away from his family, the disowned Black with a werewolf boyfriend certainly doesn’t sound like a pureblood supremacist spying for Voldemort, yet that’s apparently exactly what Sirius was. “A secret weapon no one showed me / Fall out of love you lose yourself.” Sirius himself was apparently the secret weapon, just not for the Order, and that cost Remus everything. Remus noticed their relationship growing distant, but he never noticed the moment Sirius fell out of love, and Remus suspects it’s right around then that Sirius betrayed them all. The only other option for Remus to consider is that absolutely everything was a lie, and while Remus was head over heels in love with Sirius, Sirius was laughing at him and insulting him to his family, all “can you believe how stupid this half-breed is? He actually thinks he’s worthy of a Black, his delusion has no limits,” and Remus cannot tell which is worse, the idea that he lost Sirius without even noticing or that he fell for a lie. Sirius fell out of love, and Remus lost everything (Sirius thought Remus fell out of love too, and that belief also cost Sirius everything, and then Sirius lost who he was in Azkaban and someone else escaped). Neither Remus nor Sirius will ever be the people they were prior to that Halloween, they can’t find those people in the mirror no matter how much they look and they look for them every single time they’re in front of a mirror, and they can directly trace that loss to the exact moment they thought the other stopped loving them. “Every hour ticking by, I think about you / I reminisce your memory, and what did I choose? / A sentimental comedy, the joke is on you / It's on me, too” This is 100% Sirius in Azkaban, thinking of how everything went wrong, trying to see how he could suspect the man he loved but not Peter. The Dementors will not let Sirius forget for a second that the switch was his idea, James and Lily died because of his suggestion, and all Sirius had to do to prevent this was trust Remus like he used to be able to. He keeps thinking of Remus and their relationship, and he can see the bitter humor of the situation even though he doesn’t think it’s funny at all (he wants to laugh exactly like he did when Peter escaped, and god does he feel and sound just like Bellatrix, he’s starting to understand why people think he’s nothing but a Black because Bella and him are almost carbon copies right now, different only by the brand on her arm). Wanna know the punchline to the joke? It’s that he and Remus loved one another and were dating, and they never stopped loving each other; they’d heard so many times that a relationship cannot exist without trust, and they’ve both received the worst possible demonstration of how bad it can be if people try to date without trusting each other, because it cost them both everything.

“'Cause I’ve been spending all this time alone / I'm on the red line, sinking aperol / Another vessel in a winter coat / (Ooh, ooh) / Am I'm just waitin' for my time to go / I hear the whistle for the doors to close / Another vessel in a winter coat / (Ooh, ooh)”

There is nothing I can say to make this more tragic, this verse is devastating on its own, and I really think your imagination will do more than I can.

I really did write a pseudo-essay on this, this thing is over 1000 words. Sorry about that, I’m very passionate about this album

WHO ARE YOU???

Oh my god, how are you doing this? How are you breaking me like this? That's meant to be my job.

Ugh. I love this song, and it's so painful, but then here YOU come sweeping in and just laying it all out on a platter in written form and I am NOT OKAY.

(also, this was really very beautiful and so devastatingly heart-wrenching)

#EVIL ANON #the return #ugh #DO YOU WRITE FIC??#if not you SHOULD #oh my god #anon asks #ask #answer #lovely anons #but why are you so evil and hurt me so much #i CANNOT with this

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marauders-venting · 2 years

Text

The Day After

pairing: wolfstar (kind of)

genre: angst. very painful angst

warnings: lots of character de@th, murder, grief, hints at su*cidal thoughts (very vague and only in the last few lines)

words: 4899

note: this is basically a part 2 for ‘Halloween, 1981′ but i like this title better sooooo

a/n: holy shit this is so fucking sad. CHECK THE WARNINGS, THEY’RE VERY IMPORTANT!! and, just a word of advice, don’t read this in public. cause I cried while writing this. a lot. I went through an entire box of tissues for writing and editing.

this was a request from @/blanca_silvae on instagram :)

Sirius had slammed the door behind him, tears sparking his eyes. Some small part in the back of his mind felt guilty for losing his temper at Remus when all Remus had tried to do was talk to him. But he knew that he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t feel guilty for yelling at Voldemort’s spy. He shouldn’t be in love with Voldemort’s spy either. But he still was. He couldn’t help it.

Sirius pulled up the hood of his jacket and walked on but his mind kept wandering back to the conversation with Remus. He thought about how gently Remus had said his name. He thought of the way Remus had brushed his hand under the sheets. Something felt wrong. This isn’t right, Sirius thought. He searched for a dark, isolated ally and Apparated to Peter’s hideout. He hurried up the stairs to Peter’s flat and knocked on the door. There was no response.

“Peter?” Sirius called. Still no response. “Peter, it’s Sirius.” Still nothing. “Peter, open the door or I’ll knock it down!” Sirius tried the door handle and was surprised to find it unlocked. He looked around. Peter’s hiding place was empty. But what was even stranger is that there’s no sign of a struggle. Peter wasn’t attacked. He… left. Sirius’ anxiety began to grow. What the fuck is going on? James. He had to check on Lily, James and Harry. He left the flat and Disapparated to Godric’s Hollow. He ran as fast as his legs would let him, so fast he was seconds away from tripping. But then he stopped dead in front of Lily and James’ house. It looked the same. The same as it always had. But something was wrong. Sirius could feel it. Sirius’ heart is pounding in his chest; he’s never been so afraid in his entire life. He pushes open the gate with shaking hands and steps over the threshold. He slowly opened the front door steps inside. Sirius freezes.

“No.” The word was barely a whisper. No. Sirius chokes on the tears he’s holding back. This can’t be real. His heart stops beating, he can’t breathe, the world must have ended. Because James Potter can’t possibly be dead. Sirius falls to his knees.

“James,” he croaks out. “Prongs, wake up. Please, James, please wake up. You’re not… you’re not… wake up, James. You have to be okay, you… I promised… I promised…” I promised I’d take care of you. But James doesn’t wake up. And Sirius can’t hold the tears back anymore. Because there was James, lying on the floor, stone-cold, his glasses askew. Dead. James is dead. Sirius lets out a strangled scream. This isn’t real! screams a voice in his head. It’s not real. Except it is. Because if it wasn’t, James would be awake by now. He’d be sitting up and talking to Sirius and laughing with him as he should be. But he’s not. Because he’s dead. The words echo through Sirius’ mind and he can’t stop it.

Sirius turns his head; he can’t bear to look at James a moment longer. He notices a piece of paper on the floor and picks it up. It’s a photo of them. Lily, James and Harry. James in a leather jacket, Lily wearing an angel’s halo and Harry in an adorable pumpkin costume. Sirius doesn’t bother to try to stem the flow of tears but he doesn’t let it wet the picture. He turns it over and sees James’ messy handwriting on the back.

Dear Moony & Padfoot,

Happy Halloween! We’re so sorry you couldn’t be here to celebrate with us. We miss you terribly. Harry keeps asking for the both of you, he misses his uncles too. Sirius, yes I did dress up as you again. Don’t let it get to your head though, you egotistical bastard :)

All our love,

James, Lily & Harry.

Sirius can’t do anything but cry. James dressed up as him. James dressed up as him. James had trusted him. And Sirius had let him down.

Suddenly, Sirius’ hands stop shaking and a feeling of dread washes over him. Lily and Harry. If James is… Maybe they got away, Sirius thinks. Maybe they’re okay, maybe they’re not…

Sirius slips it into his pocket and stands up. He starts walking away from James even though every fiber in his body screams at him not to leave James alone. He clenches his fists and doesn’t look back. He can’t help James. But maybe he can help Lily and Harry. Maybe he can still keep part of his promise. A part of him doesn’t want to see, doesn’t want to know for certain. But he has to. So he walks up the stairs. Sirius feels like he might collapse with every step he forces himself to take. And when Sirius sees Lily, her flaming red hair tossed out in a fan on the floor, her expression blank, her unmoving body, he thinks he might be sick. Sirius screams and buries his face. But then, with a jolt, Sirius hears a cry coming from somewhere nearby. His neck snaps up and he turns around. It was Harry. Harry is sitting in the crib, crying. Harry is alive. He’s alive. But beside Harry’s crib on the floor is a horror that Sirius had never imagined that he would live to see. Voldemort. But not just Voldemort. Voldemort’s dead body. Holy shit, Sirius thinks. Voldemort is dead. Voldemort is dead and Harry is alive. But how could Sirius be sure that he was really dead? If he wasn’t dead, you would be, says a voice in his head.

“Pa’foot!” Harry calls. The shock had stemmed Sirius’ flow of tears but his eyes were glistening again.

“Hey Harry,” he says, picking Harry up from his crib. “Hey. You’re okay. You’re okay, Prongslet.” Sirius chokes on the nickname. Prongslet. Prongs’ kid. Prongs is dead. Harry’s dad is dead. James is… dead. But Harry’s alive. And Voldemort is dead. Voldemort is dead. Sirius turns back to make sure he hadn’t imagined it. But it was still there. Voldemort’s body is on the floor, unmoving. Far too close to Lily’s for Sirius’ liking. How? How was this even possible? How was any of this possible? They’d been so careful, taken so many precautions. It had to mean that… Peter had betrayed Lily and James? No, it can’t be. The boy they’d grown up with, one of their best friends in the world, a man they’d trusted. Someone Sirius had trusted. Peter couldn’t have done this. But how else could Voldemort have found Lily and James? He couldn’t have. It’s impossible. And then Sirius remembers Peter’s empty apartment. The feeling that something was wrong. He thinks of how quick he’d been to suspect Remus. But only after… only after Peter had suggested it. The thought makes Sirius’ head hurt; he’s so fucking confused.

“Sirius?” says a voice from behind him.

“Hagrid?” Sirius says, turning around. “What are you doing here?”

“Dumbledore sent me,” Hagrid says, “to pick Harry up and bring him to his aunt and uncle’s house.”

“His aunt and—? You mean the Dursleys?” Sirius says. “You can’t send him there. Let me take him, Hagrid, I’m his godfather. I’m his uncle, too.”

“I’m sorry, Sirius, my orders from Dumbledore were clear,” Hagrid says sadly.

“But Lily and James—” Sirius chokes again. He can’t even say their names.

“Pa’foot?” Harry says. But Sirius is crying so hard he can’t even respond. He just holds Harry close, protecting him from a threat that’s no longer there. Too little, way too fucking late.

“Sirius, it’ll be okay,” Hagrid says, gently but he’s sniffing as well. “They… they’re in a better place now.” But Sirius doesn’t care. He wants Lily and James here. With him. But they aren’t. They’re gone. And it’s Sirius’ fault. He was the one who had fucked up, he was the one Lily and James had trusted to keep them safe. And he had failed. All this is his fault. I killed them, Sirius thinks, it was me. At that moment, Sirius makes a decision. He knows what lies in store for him. He will face the consequences of his actions. But first, he has to do what little he can.

“Hagrid, can you help me move L–Lily?” Sirius asked. “I–I think she’d want to be next to James and not that.” He gestured at Voldemort with his foot.

“Of course,” Hagrid said. He picked Lily up gently and carried her downstairs. Sirius carries Harry downstairs but not before covering Harry’s eyes and kicking Voldemort as hard as he can. Sirius gently wraps Harry in a blanket and kisses his forehead, still crying.

“Goodbye, Prongslet,” he says, “I’m gonna miss you so much. But you’re gonna be okay. I love you so, so much. Bye-bye, Harry.” He hands Harry to Hagrid.

“Pa’foot?” Harry says again. He starts crying and reaches for Sirius who’s trying not to cry harder.

“Try rocking him,” Sirius says. Hagrid looks alarmed but carefully does as Sirius said.

“It’s okay, Harry,” Sirius says, letting Harry’s hand latch onto his finger. “This is Hagrid, remember him? He played with you once.” Harry looks up at Hagrid and moves his hand from Sirius’ finger to Hagrid’s beard.

“Go now, while he’s still calm,” Sirius says. “You can take my bike, I won’t need it anymore.” Sirius knows what fate had in store for him. And what’s more than that he knows he deserves it.

“Thanks, Sirius,” Hagrid says. “And it’s going to be okay. I know it’s sad but these things pass.” He gives Sirius a gruffy, one-armed hug.

“Thanks,” Sirius says but he can’t even force a smile. “Just be careful with Harry. Oh and could you give this to Remus?”

“Why don’t you give it to him yourself?” Hagrid asks, confused.

“Please,” Sirius says.

“Alright,” Hagrid says. “And don’t worry, I’ll be careful.” He held Harry surprisingly gently considering his strength, cradling him in the bundle of blankets that Sirius had wrapped him in.

“Bye, Hagrid,” Sirius says.

“Bye, Sirius.” Hagrid turns to leave and Sirius takes one last look at Harry. His godson.

“Bye, Harry.” He barely whispers it. Sirius knows that nobody heard him but he needed to say it anyway. He hears Hagrid start Elvendork and when the sound fades away, Sirius is left in silence. But it’s a different kind of silence. A kind he’s heard before too many times. The silence of the dead. It’s the loudest silence Sirius has ever heard and yet the quietest too. But he breaks it when he collapses in sobs on the floor. He doesn’t know how long he stays on the floor, crying himself dry but suddenly he stops abruptly. The reality of what Peter did seemed to hit him like a train. The pieces fall into place and suddenly Sirius can see it. He can see it but he doesn’t want to believe it. He needs proof, confirmation, something. And Sirius is going to have to find it himself.

Sirius takes one last look at Lily and James, at his best friends, at his family before leaving. He Apparates back to Peter’s flat. Sirius turns the place upside down and inside out but he can’t find a thing. The only thing that seemed to be out of place was a stack of blank pieces of parchment on the small kitchen table. Sirius picks up one of the pieces and turns it over. He knows that the Death Eaters invented a spell to conceal their writing. Was it possible that Peter had not only betrayed Lily and James but that he’d actually been a Death Eater? That he had been Voldemort’s spy all along? The one the Order had been chasing after for so long? There’s only one way to find out. Thankfully, the Order had long since discovered how to decipher the hidden writing. Sirius casts the spell and holds his breath. His heart sinks and tears prick his eyes. Writing appears on the paper.

Wormtail -

I got the last McKinnon boy, trailing the girl now. Marla or Marlene or something, right? Need information on her magical power level. She’s not a mudblood so I’m guessing she can handle a wand. Tell me everything you know.

Travers.

Sirius claps a hand to his mouth. Marlene had been killed nearly a year ago. Peter had been involved in that? How long had he been passing information to the Death Eaters? And the note… the note was addressed to Wormtail. The nickname Sirius had thought of. The nickname he had come up with for one of his best friends, a boy he loved and cared about. Sirius feels the betrayal like an axe in his back. He casts the spell on another piece of parchment, his hands shaking with fear of what else he might discover about his former friend. And then he finds what he’s been looking for.

Corner of Copperfield Lane after the cover is blown.

- Wormtail

Peter’s handwriting. Peter wrote this letter. This is where Sirius will find him. After the cover is blown. Peter knows that what he did won’t remain a secret. He knows that he won’t be a spy much longer so he’s meeting up with his fucking Death Eater buddies to protect him. He’s openly going over to Voldemort’s side.

All Sirius feels is rage. Blind, uncontrollable rage. His tears of grief mix with hot burning tears of fury. He won’t let Peter get away with this. Peter doesn’t know that Sirius is onto him. Sirius crumples the letters and throws them angrily onto the floor. He grips his wand tightly and Apparates. He’ll catch Peter. Then he’ll kill Peter. Sirius is going to kill Peter for what he’s done.

---------

“Peter!” Sirius yells. He has Peter cornered now, against the wall, his wand pointed right at him.

“Lily and James, Sirius, how could you?” Peter yells.

“How dare—” Sirius growls.

“You killed them, Sirius, it was all you.”

“You son of a bitch!” Sirius screams. Then suddenly there’s a sound from behind him. Sirius spins around and his jaw drops. Half of the people in the street had fallen to the floor. Dead. Sirius turns back to Peter and notices what he hadn’t seen before: Peter is holding his wand behind his back.

“What have you done?” Sirius says quietly, his wand still pointed at Peter. “Stupef—” But before Sirius could even say the incantation, Peter was gone. Replaced by a rat scurrying into the gutter and leaving behind a single bloody finger. That scheming, traitorous rat. Sirius would have screamed it. But he’s paralyzed.

This had been a trap from the start. Sirius could see that now. He had thought he had outsmarted Peter, that he had tracked him down and he would get revenge. But now he was realizing that it was entirely the other way around. The letter in Peter’s writing had never been sent nor was it addressed to anybody. It wasn’t meant to be sent. It was meant for Sirius. It was meant as a trick. They hadn’t told anybody that they changed the Secret Keeper. Not Dumbledore, not McGonagall, not anybody from the Order. Not even Remus. They all think the Secret Keeper was Sirius. And Sirius has no proof that suggests otherwise. Peter had outsmarted him for the second time tonight. He had planned this. And Sirius could do nothing.

Aurors showed up within minutes and arrested Sirius. They told him that he would be sentenced to life in Azkaban and that, by the order of Bartemius Crouch, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, he would go without a trial. Sirius wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. But he didn’t do any of those things. Instead, he laughed. He must seem mad to the Aurors arresting him. Maybe he’s going mad. Mad from grief, from pain. He laughs at himself. At how blind he was to not see that it was Peter all along. Peter, not Remus. How could he have suspected Remus, his Moony? And now Lily and James had suffered the consequences. And Harry… Harry is an orphan because of him. He laughed at his own foolishness. His fucking stupidity ruined everything.

Sirius doesn’t fight the Aurors. He goes willingly to Azkaban. He won’t try to reach out to Remus or Harry. They’ll be better off without him. He’ll spend the rest of his days rotting here. Just like he deserves.

---------

When Remus woke up the day after Sirius stormed out, he didn’t notice anything wrong. Until he changed and went into the living room and found that Sirius wasn’t home yet. He started to worry now. Yes, he and Sirius had fought but that didn’t mean he wanted Sirius hurt. And Sirius had been out all night. While they’re in the middle of a war. Relax, he told himself, he’s probably just at Lily and James’. Or Peter’s. Remus took a deep breath and clenched his fists. He’s okay.

Remus picked up the phone and dialled Lily and James’ number. It went straight to voicemail. He tried Peter’s but the same thing happened. Remus’ worry increased. What if—? No, he told himself, no, everything is fine. Just go over. Go to Godric’s Hollow and talk to them. Remus changed faster than he had in his life and Disapparated. He walked down the street but stopped at the sight in front of Lily and James’ house. People were walking around it. Remus spotted Mad-eye Moody and approached him.

“Mad-eye? What the hell happened here? What’s going on? Where…. Where is everybody? Where are Lily and James and Harry? Where’s Sirius? Wha– what the fuck is going on?”

Moody gave him a strange and unreadable look. Well, no. It wasn’t unreadable but it looked to Remus like sadness and Remus wasn’t sure that Moody was capable of that emotion.

“Nobody’s told you?” he said.

“Told me what?” Remus said, frustrated. “Just… what’s going on? What, have they switched locations or something?” Even as Remus said it he knew it wasn’t true.

“Look, kid, there’s no easy way to say this,” Moody said. “Last night, Voldemort came here. He killed Lily and James.”

“That’s impossible,” Remus said without hesitation. He was shaking his head at the floor. “No, that’s impossible. They were using the Fidelius Charm. Sirius was their Secret Keeper, it’s— you’re not really telling me that your theory is that Sirius… Sirius…” Remus looked up at Moody.

“It’s true,” he said. “Black betrayed your friends. He sold them out to Voldemort.”

“H–He didn’t,” Remus said. “He wouldn’t. Where is he? I need to talk to him.”

“He was arrested last night and sentenced to life in Azkaban.”

“Sentenced? Without a trial?” Remus said, his voice hollow and empty.

“I’m afraid so,” Moody said. “I’m sorry, kid.”

“But this isn’t— they’re not dead,” Remus insisted. “They’re not dead, Lily and James aren’t… and Harry’s just a baby, he’s not dead.”

“No, he isn’t,” Moody said. “Harry survived. We’re not quite sure how yet but he’s alive. Your friends weren’t so lucky.” This is ridiculous, Remus wanted to say. This doesn’t make sense. It’s a lie. But then somebody opened the door to the Potter’s household and before it swung shut again, Remus caught a glimpse of a person lying on the floor. A flaming red hair spread out on the ground.

“Lily,” he whispered. And next to her, a dark-haired man with round glasses. Dead. Remus can’t say a word. He’s frozen. Paralyzed. The tears prick his eyes and flow down his cheeks. They’re dead. Really dead. Moody wasn’t lying. And Sirius killed them? No. That part had to be a lie.

Remus hadn’t noticed how loud he was sobbing. All of the Aurors and healers around them had begun to stare but Remus had never cared about anything less.

“Remus, there’s something else you should know,” Moody said quietly. “That Pettigrew boy, you were friends with him too, weren’t you?”

“Peter,” Remus said. He had to find Peter. Maybe Peter would know what to do. Maybe Peter could explain why none of this was real. “Where is he? I should talk to him.”

“You can’t,” Moody said.

“What?” Remus asked. “Why not?”

“Last night, Peter went for Black, to try and stop him. Black killed him too. Blew him into pieces—”

“Stop!” Remus said. “It wasn’t Sirius.”

“You have to face the facts, kid,” Moody said grimly.

“I have to go,” Remus said. He couldn’t keep standing much longer anyway. He couldn’t unsee the image of Lily and James’ lifeless bodies on the ice-cold floor. He couldn’t stop hearing the words ringing in his head: He killed Lily and James, Black betrayed your friends, Black killed him too, blew him into pieces. Remus Apparated back to his and Sirius’ apartment and fell to his knees, collapsing in heavy sobs. Lily and James are dead. He couldn’t deny it. He’d seen them with his own eyes. Never again would he hear the sarcasm dripping from Lily’s voice or see her soft, comforting smile. He would never hear James laugh again, never see him grin like the loveable idiot he is. Was. How quickly it had ended, how quickly they had gone from being living breathing people to being a mere memory in Remus’ mind. How quickly it had happened to them all. First Mary, then Marlene and Dorcas, and now Lily and James. And Peter… Peter was dead too? How could this be? How could Remus lose everyone he’d ever loved? How had he lost all his best friends in a single night? Not everybody. Sirius. Remus still had Sirius. He refused to believe what Moody had said. Sirius had not killed their friends. Sirius, his boyfriend, the love of his life. That boy wouldn’t hurt a fly.

He sold them out to Voldemort. Moody’s words. Yes, Sirius had been the Secret Keeper. But there had to be some kind of explanation. There were plenty of ways to force someone to reveal a secret. Veritaserum, for one. And now Sirius was suffering in Azkaban for nothing.

---------

At least Remus knew where Sirius was. Where, he was left to wonder, is Harry? Remus wished he had asked Moody more questions. Remus was missing so many details about what had happened. He had to know. He needs to know exactly what happened. He needs a way to prove Sirius’ innocence. He needs to think of something, anything, other than… Lily’s pale, motionless hands, James’ cold, lifeless expression; Remus couldn’t get rid of them, he couldn’t erase the image… Remus gripped the chair he’s sitting on so tightly his knuckles turn white. Stop, he told himself. He tried to turn his thoughts back to something else.

He had opened the Daily Prophet earlier, mostly to distract himself (they’re dead; they’re all gone) but the newspaper had only confused him more. Moody said that Harry survived… the Prophet said that not only had he survived, but he survived despite being hit by a Killing Curse. And Voldemort was dead. That had been confirmed by the Prophet too. How, Remus did not know, but he chose to believe it. The Prophet also reported that people were celebrating. Celebrating as though two people hadn’t been killed, as though a baby hadn’t been orphaned, as though Remus hadn’t lost everybody he loved in one night.

Remus didn’t have answers but he knew who would. And Remus could not sit and do nothing. He had to act. So he Apparated just outside the skirts of Hogwarts and walked inside. He hurried through the school, up the stairs to Dumbledore’s office and knocked on the door.

“Come in,” said Dumbledore’s voice. “Ah, Mr Lupin. Do sit down. Let me begin by saying that I am terribly sorry for your loss.” Remus nodded.

“Thank you, professor,” he said.

“I know why you are here,” Dumbledore said quietly. “But I’m afraid I cannot help you. I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t Sirius,” Remus blurted out. “It wasn’t him.”

“Mr Lupin, I understand how difficult this must be for you,” Dumbledore said. “But there is nothing I can do.”

“But you’re on the Wizengamot!” Remus exclaimed. “You can get him a trial. Just a trial, that’s all. Please.”

“Sirius was the Potter’s Secret Keeper. He was the only one who could’ve revealed the location.”

“I know,” Remus said, “I know but maybe… there has to be some other explanation. He wouldn’t… he didn’t murder Peter. And Sirius would never sell Lily and James to Voldemort, I know he wouldn’t. And Harry… he loved Harry like a son. He wouldn’t do this.”

“Sometimes the people we love do things we never imagined they would,” Dumbledore said gravely.

“HE DIDN’T FUCKING DO IT!” Remus roared. He was crying, the tears he’d been suppressing for hours pouring down his cheeks. “Please, professor, please just get him a trial. That’s all I’m asking. Just give him a chance to explain. All my friends are d-dead. He’s the only one left. And he’s not a killer. I know he isn’t. Please. Please.”

“I’m sorry, Remus,” Dumbledore said. His eyes looked sad but his voice sounded the same. Insufferably calm. “I cannot help you. But I shall give you a piece of advice: denial does not help the pain.”

“What about Harry then?” Remus said. “If you can’t help me, help Harry. Sirius is Harry’s godfather. Harry has no parents and no godfather unless you do something about it.”

“I have already made accommodations for Harry to live with his aunt and uncle.” Remus had to think for a moment.

“You mean the Dursleys?” Remus said. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I most certainly am not,” Dumbledore said.

“The Dursleys hate magic and everything to do with it,” Remus said. “Give him to me then, I’ll take care of him.”

“Remus, do you honestly believe that is a wise decision?” Dumbledore asked.

“Better than leaving him with the fucking Dursleys,” Remus said.

“Is it really?” Dumbledore asked. Remus was about to respond that of course it is but he hesitated. What was worse, sending Harry to live with Lily’s relatives that had a bit of a grudge against her or sending Harry to live with someone who might tear him to shreds once a month? The Dursleys may hate magic but surely, once they hear the situation they’ll get over themselves. They are all adults after all. They would grow up once they learnt of the tragedy that had occurred. Harry would be better off there. Far better off than with a broken werewolf or a murderous godfather. Was Sirius really murderous? Remus struggled to admit it but he must be. Otherwise, Dumbledore wouldn’t push so hard against him. Otherwise, he would’ve gotten a trial by explaining himself to the authorities who arrested him. Otherwise, Lily, James and Peter would not be dead. A wave of hurt and anger and crushing grief overcame Remus.

“I’m going to leave now,” Remus said. Dumbledore was saying words to him but Remus wasn’t listening. He turned around and left the office, walking out onto the school grounds.

He had loved Sirius. Sirius had been everything to him. He still is. Voldemort’s spy. He thought Sirius had loved him too. But he couldn’t have. If Sirius had ever loved him, truly loved him, he wouldn’t have done this.

“Remus?” said a voice. “Remus!” Remus turned. Hagrid was coming towards him. “Where are you headed?”

“Home,” Remus said. He didn’t recognize the sound of his own voice. “I’m sorry, Hagrid, I really have to go.”

“Alright,” Hagrid said. “But before you do, I have to give you something. I wasn’t sure whether I should give it to you or not but I think it’s only right that you have it. It’s not really up to me.” He handed Remus a piece of paper. A photo. Lily, James and Harry in their Halloween costumes. There’s a note on the back, written in James’ chaotic handwriting. Tears filled Remus’ eyes as he read it. Harry had asked for him? A wave of guilt washed over Remus but a voice in his head reminded him that it’s for the best. Harry will be safer without him. The next part made Remus’ heart clench. He couldn’t breathe.

“Thanks, Hagrid,” Remus choked out. “But I really do have to go.”

“That’s alright,” Hagrid said. “It’ll get better, Remus. Just give it time.” Remus nodded but he didn’t believe it. He just walked the short distance out of the grounds and Apparated home where, for what felt like the millionth time today, he was reduced to a puddle of tears and strangled cries. James had dressed up as Sirius for Halloween. Because he loved Sirius. Because he saw a brother in Sirius. And Sirius had… Sirius had killed all of Remus’ friends, every last one. He killed the idea that Remus had had of who his boyfriend was. He killed the idea of us, Remus thought. And yet he had left Remus alive. He had left Remus alone. Remus found himself wishing Sirius had finished the job. If he was going to bring an end to Remus’ entire world, if he was going to kill the marauders, he should’ve killed them all. It would’ve been less painful for Remus if he had.

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