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#(i know i haven't stopped posting it but i do feel bad about it every time)
steakout-05 · 1 month
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eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P
additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly
#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it#and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website#as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people-#-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were-#-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered#also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it#this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone-#-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious#i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :(#i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles#it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on-#-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help.#unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that-#-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also-#-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes-#-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything''#and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think-#-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me''#and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point#be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying#and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child.#be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo#if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows-#-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like#trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you#social anxiety#anxiety disorder#i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11-#-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me#anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y
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sherlock-is-ace · 2 years
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#excuse me while i do a VERY petty rant here...#but i'm sick of the internet and our need to get notes and likes and whatever#i don't know if the algorithm on stuff has changed or what but i'm having a hard time even wanting to share my art online#(i know i haven't stopped posting it but i do feel bad about it every time)#i'm also aware i've been posting really niche stuff... specially for instagram... but still#i'm tired of spending SO MUCH TIME on stuff and them getting 3 pitty likes and 50 bots commenting on them#and yeah the whole ''draw for yourself and not others. do it because you enjoy it'' and all that bullshit#it's great and true and all but also there's artists online whose WORK is to do art#and sadly... we NEED to get likes and reblogs/shares and whatever bullshit websites have cause otherwise people won't find us and hire us#we live in a world where you need followers to be somebody worth working with#it makes absolutely no sense. but it's a thing#the ammount of illustration agencies that make you link your instagram account AS WELL AS your online portfolio...#the same things go in both.. why do you need to see i don't have billions of followers?!#i hate this#i hate that i've posted something I'm trully proud of and it's not being seen#not because i want to be famous or whatever but i want at least a ''good job buddy'' i need that. i'm only human!#on twitter i get notes ONLY on the things a celebrity has seen. i've shared my commissions info and my ko-fi page and they've been ignored#on instagram i get bot comments only#on tumblr i get mostly likes that. as much as i appreciate them. they're useless#the only thing that's keeping me afloat (and feeling guilty as fuck) is tagging the horne section on twitter cause they still care#(for how long idk. they'll get annoyed sooner or later kfdjg)#but anyways... i'm tired or social media but i'm very proud of the things i'm producing lately so that's something#sadly i won't stop posting things online. cause it is trully the only way i could possibly get work#but i WILL complain again. i know that for a fact!#lol#it's a very stupid problem to have... i know there's people starving and being killed and sick and trully poor...#so excuse me for this whole rant ://#angel talks#personal
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running-in-the-dark · 3 months
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#had more to say about that last post#like. they (my in-laws) haven't once mentioned the fact that I finally finally finally had my last exam and passed and will be getting my#degree now#we told them. they were just like 'oh okay what profession does that make you now?' I have a bachelor's degree in business administration..#it's not like. oh you're an electrician now. or something. they know this. we have told them many times#they didn't congratulate me. they weren't understanding about how hard the last couple months have been (with my thesis and the exam WHILE#finding an apartment and then preparing to move out and then actually doing that)#no all I got was judgmental comments because I didn't have everything ready and packed when we were moving out#look! I know I'm awful! I know I'm probably just a lazy bitch! but I couldn't fucking do any more!#I'm tired all day every day. I can't move around much before I feel so exhausted and dizzy that I have to stop.#I feel like absolute shit for not getting everything done!#but yes sure just keep telling me that. maybe that'll make my body get better just because it makes me feel bad :)#literally their view on everything is basically 'just do it. and do it correctly. the exact same way we would do it.'#like. oh yeah everything is just that easy! and if you don't do it all perfectly you're trash. you're disgusting. you're LAZY and that's#awful#the only thing that matters in life is your job. it has to be your whole life and your entire personality and the only thing you are proud#of. you are alive to work. the only thing that matters is how your employer feels about you.#it's fucking exhausting.#I know what they think about me. I know they think I'm bad. like these people have known me for ten years. they have seen that I've#struggled with a bunch of different physical health issues. and it just does not matter! I'm just supposed to do everything anyway!#literally every time it comes up they're like 'why can't you do this thing that requires a lot of hand strength?' hello? my hands have been#fucked up for like 12 years. you know this.#so have my feet. no I'm not going for a fucking one hour walk with you guys. yes obviously I can walk that long. no I'm not gonna do it!#it HURTS. I have to carefully weigh it up and decide if it's worth being in pain for at least the next day!#but no there's absolutely no compassion or understanding. just contempt. they don't hide it at all#I'm so tired of this family#honestly? if my husband had a different (nice. warm. kind) family I would probably feel differently about him. though he'd also be#completely different then. his parents are the opposite of mine but they still fucked him up so bad.#anyway I'm done complaining for now. because I'm tired & I'll probably fall asleep again soon.#I really really hate my life tbh
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colorisbyshe · 5 months
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Hind is constantly tweeting about being overwhelmed and hopeless. Bisan is sharing videos of children dying--literally someone trying to give a child chest compressions before giving up, the camera lingering on the child's limp, dead body. Today, Motaz posted video of his bombed out neighborhood--footage of a hand that does not end in an arm but ends in frayed and tattered meat. His neighborhood lost 45 people, his cousin also died.
His last tweet, 16 minutes ago, is him in the rain, the caption begs for the genocide to stop. "Please god, stop this."
Things have been dire and are getting more bleak. Using these people as inspiration porn--repeated lines of "Palestinians haven't lost hope, so we shouldn't other"--grows useless as it is clear it is very hard for them to manage hope. Hind has flat out admitted to being overwhelmed and losing feeling. The dead child, whose face was drenched in blood, cannot hope. It is not their fault, it isn't a matter of them not trying enough. It is a sign of Israel's cruelty.
How bad it is gotten--how much worse it is getting as Israel faces little resistance from the international community, as lack of food and medical care and sanitation spreads disease, how much the rain and cold sucks out the capacity to do anything other than survive and stress--means we should push harder. Fueled by righteous fury at injustice and needless suffering, not human beings turned into mascots, we must push and pull things harder until the system of suffering breaks.
I don't even know what that means. Every call to action feels so pathetically weak in the wake of all of this. But we must figure out what pushing harder means and fast.
Every day spent doing nothing or the bare minimum is more lives lost, more hope lost.
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stxrvel · 3 months
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the cliff (1)
hi guys! this is the first azriel fic i post here. i mainly do marvel but i just couln't stop thinking about this so i decided to take it forward. i hope you guys like this! see u next time <;33
summary: you never thought that the road to your mate could bring so much suffering… pairing: azriel x f!reader words: +4k warnings: briefly descriptions of torture, bad words, descriptions of sorrow¿?, angst but a happy ending, i think. also, English is not my first language and i actually read acotar in another language, so sorry for any mistakes! and also!! i haven't read a court of silver flames, so probably the facts around cassian and nesta's bond and feyre's pregnancy aren't accurate, sorry for that!
part 2: the house
part 3: the court
part 4: the routine
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You were sure that the decisions you had made shouldn't have led you to that place. With your limp legs dragging against the grass, the wet feel of the mud drying coldly on your skin with each gale, increasing the chills that ran through your body, not only because of the dread and fear you had for your life, but because of the scorching frost on the top of that cliff.
There was something magical about wishing upon a shooting star. You knew it, your parents were living proof that it worked. They had met just after your mother had wished upon a dying star. Mates. And they promised you it would be the same for you. You hoped it would be the same for you when, encouraged by your same parents, you wandered Prythian in search of meeting the other end of the bond that you knew connected you to someone beyond, in search of a connection greater than you could ever understand.
You firmly believed in that magic one night, in the midst of the lonely and almost desolate journey from end to end, when lying watching the night sky you saw it pass by. A helpless shooting star.
You made your wish with your heart in your hand, closing your eyes and whispering as if it were a prayer. Maybe it was. You didn't know if that was what had gone wrong.
All you knew was that, the next day, your journey was over.
You hadn't finished waking up when you found yourself being dragged across the ground of the Day Court, right at the border it shared with the Night Court, from the hands of Ilyrian soldiers who wouldn't listen to your shouted words. Or simply preferred to ignore them.
You weren't sure how much you had screamed at them, even as they took you in the most savage way possible and furrowed you through the wind, the cold gusts of the Nightmare Court piercing your skin. But it had to have been a good while, because the next time you were above ground your throat was so dry you could barely breathe.
You didn't know what was going on, not even when days later, after feeding yourself with only mush and water, you met the first person willing to tell you something and not turn his face away from you. It was a man, Ilyrian too, with gigantic black wings that covered almost all the light in the small room where you were held captive. His constant presence invoked darkness.
He never introduced himself. He would only ask “who sent you?”, waiting for a sane answer from you, one that you couldn't give because every time you tried to say something that was not remotely like what he wanted to hear, he would move two fingers of his left hand and two more soldiers would enter the room and grab you roughly by the arms, pulling you closer to a barrel with water that was in the corner of the room. That was the water you usually drank, and it was never as cold as when they entered the room.
Needless to say, after a couple of days, you couldn't even go near the water anymore.
It could've been a couple of days, weeks or months… you weren't sure anymore. Time had become an insignificant concept compared to your desire for freedom. You had explained countless times to the Ilyrian the reasons why they had found you wandering near the Court, but that wasn't enough. Not even when you told him that they could confirm it with your family in the Summer Court. No excuse was good enough, the Ilyrian seemed to simply want to find a culprit, whatever he had to do, whoever he had to point the finger at.
And then, one day, you thought you saw a glimmer of hope. Another lone shooting star, which you barely caught through the bars the room had for windows. The memory of your parents flooded your memory, a dark cloud settling over you and drowning out any sense of calm you were able to collect after the ilyrians left. Through tears and sobs you begged the star for a way out, hoping its magic was powerful enough to fight the savage soldiers.
The next day more ilyrians than usual appeared, but they did not enter the room. Not after the High Lord of the Night Court did so first.
And you thought the star had heard you.
“She didn't say anything?”
His dismissive, indifferent tone almost made you shudder on the icy floor, but you didn't let that take away your hope, kneeling in front of him with dried tears and dirt on your face. With your hands clasped in front of you, as if he were a deity personified, you begged him to listen to you, but you had to watch him send you a disinterested glance before he turned in the direction of the entrance.
“Take her away.”
You didn't know why you had expected the high lord to intercede on your behalf, knowing the stories that brimmed through the Courts in Prythian. Your parents had warned you. They encouraged you to pursue the bond on your chest, but begged you to go no further than Court Day if the bond demanded it. They made you promise to return, and that they would then seek a way to find your mate if he or she was beyond the Night Court. You should've heeded, of course you did. When you saw the cold, emotionless eyes of the high lord's face, you regretted every decision you had made.
Even though you knew it shouldn't have been that way, because you had never done anything wrong. You had never tried to harm someone. Maybe that made it harder. Wondering every night why. Why did you deserve to go through that? What evil was it that you were paying for?
There was something magical about wishing on a shooting star, but that magic wasn't guarded for you.
-
Azriel had been spending sleepless nights for weeks now, without explanation. Things were quiet in Velaris, even in the Court of Nightmares. But when he entered the darkness of his room at night, when he tried to close his eyes with his wings spread across the bed, a knot stirred in his chest. Tears would well up behind his eyes and a sadness would engulf him from head to toe. It was so overwhelming that there were few nights when Azriel could contain the feelings and despair of his shadows.
He tried not to let that deficiency interrupt his work, but it was difficult when his eyes would close at the table during breakfast, or in the middle of the room when Rhys talked about the weekly goals. Several times his friends would start asking questions, but it was easy for Azriel to say he had trouble sleeping because that was never an uncommon occurrence over the course of his long life.
It was once Rhys told him that he had told Madja about his problem and she had sent him some herbs that it all started to get weirder.
Yes, Azriel was able to fall asleep. But every night he had strange dreams. Dreams of a life that was not his own. Memories of someone else he didn't even know. Another woman's life, somewhere Azriel could barely remember when he woke up, with more people who must have been close to her, but not to him, who shared her day to day life, who celebrated together with her, who were happy. Azriel didn't wake up much better in the mornings than when he spent the whole night without sleep.
Now he not only had to deal with the heaviness of lack of sleep, but with the questions. He could never think they were random dreams because he heard the same laughter every time, the same voice, the same place. He felt the same tranquility before waking up.
Azriel believed Madja would be his source of answers then.
“Your mate is looking for you,” the old woman answered him, one sunny day in Velaris when he chased her through her tent hoping she would answer his one question. That stopped him abruptly on his feet, his body from the abdomen upward leaning forward a bit from the suddenness of the movement.
“Mate?”
Madja barely hissed in response, a sound of affirmation that would haunt Azriel for several days afterward.
“How is that possible?”
“What?”
Madja was turning her back to him, her small body hunched over as she inspected the medicinal plants she kept for sale. Azriel watched them along with her, his mind moving through the threads of thoughts, between every memory of his dreams and every memory…of her.
“How can she do that?”
Azriel heard Madja sigh and the sound of metal followed as she dropped the gray watering can she had kept for years into place. Azriel could still remember the first time it had been seen, shiny and pompous in the Velaris sunlight. Madja's brown eyes roamed over his face and Azriel hadn't felt this way since the time when Rhys's mom had looked at him with loving motherly eyes.
“Don't ask me how the bond works, Shadowsinger. The Cauldron knows how it does things.”
Azriel could sleep less after that. Madja had left him with more questions than answers. And, on that note, Azriel began to fly over Velaris more often. For some reason, he felt she was close. The bond hadn't snapped into place yet, but he knew that the time was near when that would happen. He didn't even know if it had snapped for her yet, all he knew was that he had a mate over there, too far away from him, and too scared for him to stand idly by.
Eventually, Azriel had to talk to Rhysand. Rhys, his high lord, his best friend, his brother. Probably the only person in the Inner Circle who could fully understand how he felt at those moments. Because Azriel felt he was going to lose his mind if he didn't find his mate and end whatever suffering she was going through. The uncertainty was eating him alive and the hours of hopelessness and fear that were going on inside him, around that emptiness in his chest, did not ease things at all. If he felt this way from the comfort of his home, he didn't want to imagine what she was going through.
Rhysand agreed to allow him more outings to enlarge the perimeter of his search, but the passing days proved his effort fruitless.
“Everything okay, brother?”
Cassian had met his mate. Nesta, Feyre's sister. Azriel was very happy for him, very happy that his brothers had found their life mates and that he could realize the good they brought into their lives. But there was a huge shadow that haunted him, beyond the darkness he carried with him, and it had much to do with the guilt of not being able to find and deliver his mate from suffering. He no longer knew how much time had passed. His shadows stirred restlessly every day, with every memory, with every gale.
Azriel sighed when he felt Cassian's hand on his left shoulder, as they both stood watching Velaris from the top of a mountain.
“I don't know what to do anymore, Cassian,” Azriel let out, his shoulders slumping under the pressure and stress.
He usually didn't talk about the subject of his mate with his brothers, not as often as someone would think to be so close. It was something Azriel held close to his heart and wanted to resolve on his own, but so many failures were beginning to weigh him down.
Cassian patted his shoulder and then gave it a squeeze, trying to silently comfort him, though he knew that would do little to soothe the clamor in his soul. Because, though the bond hadn't snapped for Azriel, he could well believe that he had had it tugging at his chest in an unfamiliar direction for months now. Even if he didn't feel the bond, the mere acknowledgement of its existence was agony, especially when it didn't help him find his mate.
Cassian sighed beside him, letting a few seconds pass in silence before speaking again, his gaze fixed on Velaris' expanse and his heart shrinking at the visible suffering on his brother's face.
“Rhysand is traveling to the camp, will you accompany us?”
Azriel lately had little desire for anything other than touring Velaris and the surrounding area of the Court of Nightmares looking for his mate, but this time he decided to accept. For some reason, Azriel decided to accompany them.
The Night had been feuding with the Summer for a couple of years. Tarquin and Rhysand… were not on the best of terms. The last time Feyre had traveled to the Summer, pregnant with Nyx, Tarquin and his army had held her captive because of a misunderstanding in the information they had obtained from the Spring Court and the Mortal Lands. Rhysand almost destroyed the entire Summer Court with his bare hands if not for Cassian and Azriel, who were able to broker a deal between the two as mediators. It was a very tense time at the beginning.
Mind you, Rhysand did not leave without letting Tarquin know that it would be years before they would return to the same trade, diplomatic and friendly relations as before, if they could ever speak of forgiveness. Azriel remembered how the only person from the Night Court who could cross Tarquin's lands, for a time, was Mor. They were all warned and the meetings of the high lords were suspended, at least with respect to attendance.
For that reason, Rhysand became extremely wary of anyone connected with the Summer Court and for him, being the high lord, it was not too much work to know who wandered near his lands. They had already captured a handful of Summer Court spies in recent years and held them captive in camp with the Ilyrian soldiers.
Of course, the Night Court was much more careful with their spying, having Shadowsinger himself on their side. Azriel had visited the Summer Court a couple of times by stealth, handing Rhysand reports and any strategic breakthroughs he could decipher.
There was one, however, that they could not foresee. Someone Azriel never knew was coming out of the Summer Court. It had been a couple of years since then and it seemed the Ilyrians had been unable to break the spy's stone will.
“Are you going all the way to the mountain?” Rhysand had stopped in front of Azriel as soon as his feet touched the grassy ground, a few feet from the entrance to the camp. His eyes flicked briefly to the bustle behind his high lord, his shoulders tensing unconsciously as he took slow steps towards Rhysand with his hands in the pockets of his tunic and his wings tucked neatly behind his back. Cassian landed behind him, kicking up a layer of wet grass and mud that soiled his boots.
“Argh.”
“I think I'll be at a distance this time.”
Rhysand nodded, with no intention of convincing Azriel to accompany him to give the imprisoned spies of the Summer a death scare.
“I hope the screams are worth this mudslinging,” Cassian spoke up, moving closer to his two friends, forming a small circle. Rhysand barely gave him a glance before turning on his heels and beginning to make his way to the entrance of the camp, where some of the soldiers were clustered to see the high lord. “You're going to be in the bay?”
“Yes,” Azriel walked alongside Cassian, scowling at the entrance through which Rhysand had just crossed, the Ilyrian soldiers freezing in front of their high lord. “I'll watch from afar. Right now I don't have the stomach for anything.”
“I understand, brother,” Cassian squeezed his shoulder again amicably, sending him a tight-lipped look. Cassian was quite good with words, despite many labeling him as insensitive for being Ilyrian, but he knew Azriel well enough to know when he wanted to talk about something and when he preferred not to. “See you then.”
Cassian followed in Rhysand's footsteps, approaching in long strides, while Azriel paused watching his companions disappear into the distance.
Sighing, the knot in his chest tightened. It was so strange to have a void that could feel so many things. Azriel often wondered how it was possible that he still didn't feel the bond, when his emotions had expanded out of his head and there was no longer a feeling he didn't sense inside his bones.
Flapping his wings to take flight, Azriel set off towards the bay, close to the cliff where Rhysand planned to take the Summer Court spies. He was a few yards away, close enough to make out figures, but not too far away that he couldn't hear the screams.
As soon as his feet touched the ground, damp despite the early rising sun, his shadows began to stir around him, restless. They must've sensed his nervousness, the anxiety that ran through his chest like electric currents to his fingertips, causing him to spasm and break out in a cold sweat. Azriel could barely see them moving around him, separating from his body and stirring on the ground just a few centimeters before turning back.
At the top of the cliff he could already make out the figures of Rhysand and Cassian, walking menacingly towards the inmates, leaving them no choice but to keep walking backwards until they fell into the void, where Cassian would then land them, one by one. Azriel could hear them if he wanted to, but his mind and his shadows kept him a bit distracted.
He barely made out the first screams and the sound of Cassian's wings when his shadows began to whisper, much more restless.
Close.
Close.
Help.
Fear.
Help.
Azriel raised his head and his eyes stopped just short of Rhysand's figure in front of about three spies. At that moment, Azriel's shadows took off, moving at great speed across the grass and stones, with the Shadowsinger unable to do anything to stop them, though he tried. His confused gaze swept over the small figures on the cliff, with such speed that his head was beginning to ache, but he couldn't recognize anything.
He was about to fly in the direction his shadows had gone, when a strange, overwhelming sensation, somewhere between irrational fear and deep sadness, sent his back to the ground moving across his chest, as one of the figures slipped and fell into the void. Azriel felt all the air stolen from his lungs, opening his mouth to try to catch his breath, as those sensations coursed through his entire body and settled in his chest, taking strong root as if they belonged there. They were so overwhelming that they caused him physical pain. The ache he must've been feeling for months.
The bond.
The few remaining shadows beside him whispered endlessly.
Help.
Help.
Help.
Azriel raised his head, breathing hard. He felt his chest split open, as if with great force they were breaking his sternum to pull out his heart. It was such an overwhelming and painful sensation that, but for his strong will, he would surely have lost consciousness.
Help.
Help.
Mate.
Mate.
Azriel thought afterwards that he had never moved so fast or with such force as that moment, when he realized what was happening. The adrenaline that coursed through his body, even feeling electric currents run through him from head to toe from the precise moment he felt the bond, didn't allow him to think too much about how the air hurt his eyes because he already knew exactly where he had to go. He had spent so much time flying without direction, walking the wrong paths and searching in empty places. At that moment, when he had a reason and a direction, Azriel couldn't think of anything else. He didn't want to.
He could only look at the figure falling off the cliff from the moment he raised his head. He could only head blindly towards it. The overwhelming fear that threw him backwards was the fear she felt as under her feet she felt the void, her hands moving forward trying to hold on to something that would allow her to live.
Azriel felt like he was about to die with her.
He met Cassian halfway from afar, who seemed to be about to fly in her direction to catch her when he ran into his friend, but Azriel moved too quickly and with anticipation without losing sight of his mate. The chill that ran through his body could've paralyzed him with fear, but how could he stand by and do nothing when his mate was falling to her undisputed death.
He thought he heard Rhysand's scream. Surely it was so, but in his mind there hovered only the thought that he must reach her, he must get there in time. Her hands were outstretched and Azriel stretched out his hands, hoping that would help him move faster.
Mind blank, Azriel felt like he had just pulled his head out of the water, his chest opening in an unfamiliar thrill as his body felt the warmth of his mate's body crashing against him and his arms wrapped around her in a promise to never let go again. His wings wrapped around her immediately after his arms, impacting a few seconds later against the muddy ground.
He was too close to not catch her. The thought left him breathless.
For a moment, he only heard his and her labored breathing, with the whistling of the wind through the trees and the movement of the water of a stream a few feet away. For a moment, Azriel went completely blank. Whether he was there or dreaming, he didn't know.
His hands clamped tightly around her arms, encircling her entire back, feeling the reality of what had happened sink in on him bit by bit. Fear gripped him once more then, considering that there was a chance he hadn't been there to stop that. To prevent it.
He didn't want to move. Still adrenaline coursed through his body and he was so alert that he could clearly hear the voices of his friends in the distance. Seconds later, when he heard their wings, he finally moved.
Azriel met your eyes and with that look alone he knew you had felt the bond as well.
“I'm sorry,” was all Azriel could think of, his eyes crystallizing, voice breaking. “I'm so sorry.”
You were transfixed. Azriel felt you looking at him with fear and that motivated him to move away from your body, but you gripped his arms tightly to hold him in place.
Azriel felt a great heaviness in his chest as he examined your face and what he saw did not please him at all. Guilt swelled on his shoulders, a great weight that ascended with each passing second and he could hardly imagine all that you had had to go through in that camp. You were right under his nose and he couldn't find you. What kind of a partner was he to let all that happen?
When he heard the footsteps of his friends, his shoulders tensed. But it didn't go unnoticed the way you also became aware of their presence and let go of his arms, rushing to hug yourself as you moved to sit behind Azriel. scared. Still breathing rapidly, Azriel sent a warning look. Cassian and Rhysand stopped a short distance away, noticing the obvious hostility emanating from their friend's body, but Rhysand just stopped for a second.
“Azriel, what the fuck?”
Rhysand was so angry that he seemed to have a little red tinge over his face. Good, he was angry, maybe then Azriel wouldn't feel so bad about breaking his face.
“Rhys,” Cassian frowned, quickly picking up on the tense and hostile atmosphere around him. He grabbed the arm of his high lord, who jerked angrily and turned his gaze back to the Shadowsinger.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you aware of what you just fucking did?”
“Rhysand,” Cassian stopped his high lord, raising his voice and holding his arm tightly this time.
Rhysand turned to look at him with a frown and it seemed that, through his mind, Cassian spoke to him. The next time Rhysand looked back at him, his expression was unclenching, but Azriel stood stone-faced in front of you, his hands clasped at his sides and ready to face anything.
“No way,” was all Rhysand muttered, moving to run his hands through his hair.
Azriel felt one of your hands on his back, his senses splitting in half to try and attend to you as he kept an eye on his brothers on the other side. He moved his head to look at you, your frightened expression trying to hide you from Cassian's curious eyes.
“Is this real?”
Azriel felt his heart crumple. Tears welled behind his eyes and burning hurted the back of his throat. He wanted to say so many things, apologize for a million other things, but in that moment he only responded, moving to squeeze your hand:
“It's real.”
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ellemj · 6 months
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Needs & Wants - Sex Pollen Trope Pt. 2
Bucky Barnes x Reader
**If you haven't read Pt. 1 yet, READ IT FIRST.**
Summary: You fight the effects of the chemical compound for as long as you can, until Bucky makes you an offer that your body can't seem to refuse. But, you each have a rule that the other has to follow.
Warnings: this one is a huge fucking tease, I'm so sorry (I won't be sorry when I release part 3 tonight), masturbation, talk of unprotected sex, profanity, use of y/n, MINORS DNI, 18+!!!
Feel free to comment and let me know if this requires more warnings.
Word Count: 4k (I just couldn't stop the build up)
Author's Note: I cannot believe the overwhelming response on part one of this, I was just in a silly goofy mood and decided to finally use my Tumblr for something other than reading y'alls AMAZING fics every night before bed. I didn't expect anyone to really even see it. My heart is racing as I get ready to post this rn lmao. PLEASEEE tell me what your fav part of this one is, I have to know. Part 3 will be out tonight, I can't make you guys wait too much.
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            Bucky’s resolve has been steadily crumbling for the past hour, and truthfully, he’s barely placing any blame on the chemical compound that’s interacting with the serum coursing through his veins. He’s placing the blame on you and the needy, whimpering noises that you’ve been making for the last forty-five minutes. After the video conference with Bruce and Tony ended, you were quick to lock yourself in one of the bedrooms of the safe house. You didn’t even say another word to Bucky, you just stood up from the couch with one hand clutched over your stomach, and hurried off down the hall. He wanted to say something to you, but what the hell was he supposed to say? I’m sorry that we’re in this situation? That wouldn’t help a damn thing. You’re in it and there’s nothing either one of you can do except pray that you’ll have enough self-control to make it through the night with your doors still locked.
            Bucky sat on the couch for a few minutes after you left, replaying Tony’s last warning to you in his head. You won’t feel relief until your body thinks it has a chance of reproducing, until semen is introduced into your system. It made him feel like shit. He can find relief on his own, he can take care of himself tonight, but you? You’ll suffer for a minimum of eight hours, possibly nearing death, alone behind a locked door. It’s not that he thinks you can’t handle yourself. He’s perfectly aware of how capable you are at handling practically anything. He’s been your partner in the field for two months now and he’s never once had a doubt about your skills, your ability to tolerate pain, or even the split-second decisions you have to make sometimes during missions. You might give each other shit the majority of the time that you’re working together, but when it comes down to it, you trust each other with no reservations. So, why then, does he find himself so fucking worried about you?
            He’s been locked in the bedroom across the hall from yours for the past hour now. He thought maybe things wouldn’t be so bad when he heard you tucking yourself away into bed, when he heard you go still and silent for a few minutes. It was smart of you, trying to sleep as much as you could before the chemical fully set in and began to wreak havoc within your body. But after only fifteen minutes, he heard the faintest sound carrying across the hall. He wasn’t sure what it was at first, thinking maybe you’d gotten up to use the bathroom and it was the creak of a floorboard or maybe a door hinge. It was wishful thinking. The second time he heard it, he was sure. You were whimpering in your sleep. For a few moments, he was able to deceive himself into thinking it was whimpers of pain, maybe from your stomach aching in your sleep. When you grew louder, the sounds of your soft, breathy moans mixing with the sound of the sheets rustling as you tossed and turned restlessly, that’s when his resolve began to break apart piece by piece. He sits on the side of his bed in total darkness. His shirt and tactical pants are strewn across the floor where he previously discarded them when the heat emanating from his body became too much to bear. His hands grip the edge of the mattress with enough force to break through the layers of fabric there, but he fears that if he lets go, the next thing his hands will grip will be either his cock or the two door knobs separating you both. Focusing on your suffering is keeping him from feeling his own pain, but the noises you’re making are making it significantly harder for him to ignore the needs that are bubbling to the surface within him. Shit. How the fuck did he end up in this situation with you?
            You awake suddenly, drenched in sweat, your sweats especially making you feel like damp towels are wrapped around your legs. You waste no time throwing the covers back and ripping your sweats off, tossing them onto the floor and moving your hair to lay it across your pillow so it’s not sticking to your neck. Fuck HYDRA. Fuck Zemo for killing Dr. Nagel. Obviously, you wouldn’t have wanted him running around recreating the super soldier serum either, but if he was still alive maybe you wouldn’t be lying here in this state. You take a deep breath in, counting to three in your head as you breathe it back out. Focusing in on your symptoms, you try to make a mental list. You think that maybe if you can remind yourself of the science behind the symptoms, you won’t become an irrationally horny mess, you can just reason your way out of the most intense arousal you’ve ever felt in your life. Sweating, tachycardia, abdominal cramping, bone pain…you stupidly let your right hand slide down between your legs. Your fingertips briefly grace the exterior fabric of your black boyshort panties, feeling how wet they are adds another symptom to the mental list, not that you needed to feel it to know. Arousal.
            You lean over to the bedside table and feel around blindly for your phone. The screen illuminates and you see that it’s only 10 pm. You’ve only been sleeping for an hour. The chemical compound isn’t even at its peak activity level yet and you’re already beginning to feel a type of desperation that you haven’t felt before. You need relief. Tony’s words swirl around in your mind, making you feel lightheaded and making you want to hunt him down and make him take the words back by force, like that would change the reality of the situation you’re currently in. You won’t feel relief until your body thinks it has a chance of reproducing, until semen is introduced into your system.
            You could try finding relief on your own. Tony isn’t lord over all things scientific. When has he ever dealt with a compound like this before? Never. He doesn’t know shit. You’re trying so hard to convince yourself that he could be wrong. Sitting up in bed, you reach over and flip on the lamp that sits on the bedside table, casting a pale glow across the room. You will yourself to think clearly, to make a plan and implement it. You can fight this. You need something that’ll take down your body temperature, slow your heart rate, and ease some of the pain you’re feeling everywhere. A cold shower.
            Bucky listens intently as you open your door and your feet patter softly down the hall. He listens as you shut and lock the bathroom door behind you and then as you turn on the shower. He mentally curses his heightened sense of hearing when he hears the tussle of your clothes hitting the floor. He’s been ignoring his hardening cock as it grows beneath the black fabric of his boxers. He’s been ignoring it because he feared if he tried to relieve himself, you’d likely hear him across the hall and he’d never let himself live it down. He can’t be the first one to break. But maybe, with you being in the shower, you wouldn’t be able to hear anything coming from his room. Why the hell are you even in the shower? He imagines the pain you’re in would make it hard for you to stand in there for very long, and it’s not like a shower is going to give you much relief at all. He can’t wonder for more than a quick moment, before the chemical begins to really cloud his mind, his clear thoughts becoming hazy behind thoughts of chasing relief. Fuck it. You won’t hear a damn thing.
            Bucky sighs deeply as his lays back on the bed, still in darkness, pushing his boxers down a few inches and freeing his hard length. His flesh hand quickly wraps around it, giving it a slow stroke from base to tip, pre-cum quickly coating his fingers.
            “Oh, fuck.” He groans lowly. It’s never felt like this before. It’s as if every nerve in his body has shifted, has traveled down to embed in his cock. His head falls back into his pillow, his eyes squeezing shut at the sensation of his shaft finally being handled. He works his fist up and down, picking up speed and reveling in the feeling of temporary relief. As he strokes his cock, he feels the pain throughout his body slowly dissipating, easing up but not fully disappearing. Before he can stop himself, he’s picturing exactly what you’d look like right now. Your perfectly toned body standing under a stream of water, your hands running down your smooth skin, your eyes closed as you let the shower wash away your discomfort. He feels guilty. Truly, he does. But it's as if he has no control over his thoughts when his hand is on his cock and his veins are corrupted with a potent chemical from hell. Especially not when you’re naked a mere ten feet down the hall. As Bucky nears his climax, his balls tightening and his cock twitching in his hand, a loud crash resounds throughout the house and he’s brought back to reality. He’s on his feet, his boner tucked reluctantly away in his boxers, and his bedroom door flying open in less than two seconds, fearing the worst. He thinks you must’ve passed out from the effects of the chemical, fallen in the shower, maybe split your head open. When he reaches for the bathroom door knob and finds it locked, he’s giving no second thought to breaking the door down. Hell, he decided he was going to break it down before he ever left his room. He takes one step back, ready to use his leg to kick through it, when he hears the shower water cut off and the curtain pull back.
            “Y/n?” His voice is laced with concern and it takes you by surprise. You’d only been standing in the ice-cold shower for two minutes when you realized it wasn’t going to do shit for you. You aren’t usually one to lose your temper, but feeling so hopeless and helpless, your only plan failing to provide you with any relief, you ended up slamming your fist into the tiled shower wall out of pure frustration. You didn’t do it hard enough to really hurt yourself, but apparently hard enough to alarm Bucky.
            “You’re supposed to be locked in your room.” You call out, your voice coming out a little timid and quieter than you intended. Wrapping a towel around yourself, you step out of the shower and examine yourself in front of the bathroom mirror. Your cheeks are still flushed, your pupils are dilated so much that you’re surprised the lights aren’t hurting your eyes yet, and your rapid pulse is nearly visible in your neck. You let your hair down from the bun you threw it up into for the shower and then pull on the same shirt and damp panties you had on moments earlier.
            “I thought you fell.” Bucky says quietly, barely above a whisper. You can tell he’s standing close to the door. You’ve never heard him speak so softly. You freeze, your hands clutching the edge of the bathroom sink as your body responds to his voice, against your rational mind’s will. You feel a familiar heat gathering between your legs and you squeeze your thighs together. He needs to go back to his room. Now.
            “Bucky, go back to bed.” Your voice is firm, without a single hint of hesitation. Bucky knows that he should heed the warning. He knows he should turn around right now and go back and lock his door. Instead, he stands there in the hallway with his cock straining against the fabric of his boxers and a conflicted expression on his face. You said earlier that your only option was to lock yourselves in your respective rooms and ride it out until morning. Was that really the only option though? He could easily think of a few more options, though admittedly, he might not be thinking with his brain anymore.
            “You have to go back to your room before I come out.” You’re starting to sound like you’re pleading with him. As much as you want to act strong and like you have all of the self-control in the world right now, you’re worried that if you step out into the hall and see him, you won’t be able to stop yourself from reaching out for him. You want to feel his skin beneath your hands as you run your palms from his shoulders, down his chest, straight to the waistband of whatever the hell he’s wearing right now. You want to have him completely bare in front of you, with nothing stopping you from dragging him straight to your bed to find the relief that you both so desperately crave right now. A sharp pang in your lower stomach causes you to let out a soft groan, and the sudden inhale you hear from Bucky through the door doesn’t go unnoticed.
            “Not until I see that you’re okay.” Bucky says, still worried that you fell in the shower or hurt yourself somehow. Not wanting to waste any more time letting the chemical stew in your reproductive system, you flip the bathroom light off so you’re thrown into darkness, before unlocking the bathroom door and pulling it open slowly. You can just barely make out his form in the dark hallway, the curve of his broad shoulders, the glint of the black and gold vibranium making up his left arm, and fuck…the ripples down his abdomen. You’ve always thought he was frustratingly attractive, but now? Just looking at him has you insatiable. You realize quickly that he’s not wearing anything except a pair of black boxers and his dog tags. He’s really not making this easy on you. Your eyes flutter closed and you sigh, telling yourself to suck it up and walk past him. Just walk past him. But now you what he looks like with nearly no clothes on, and he’s so close to you. So. Damn. Close. A foot away from you, to be exact.
            “I’m fine, just go back to bed.” You whisper. You don’t trust yourself to speak any louder, worried that raising your voice might awake something much more primal within yourself.
            “Look at me.” He says, matching your whisper volume. Shit. Shit, shit. Shit. No.
            “Don’t—” You’re cut off by the feel of his cool vibranium fingers wrapping around your right hand, lifting it so he can see it better. You suck in a harsh breath at the contact. It shouldn’t turn you on as much as it does, it’s not even what you need. You need skin. You need him against you. But something about the cool metal contrasting against the warmth of your heated hand feels electrifying.
            “Did you punch the wall?” He questions, examining your reddened knuckles with narrowed eyes. Your eyes remain closed as you nod your head, and he takes the moment to scan his eyes down your body. Your t-shirt skims along the tops of your thighs and he knows if you turned around, it wouldn’t even fully cover the curve of your ass. Fuck, he wants you to turn around. He drops your hand as quickly as he first grabbed it, letting it fall back to your side as he begins running his flesh hand through his disheveled hair.
            “On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?” Bucky has to know. He knows how high your pain tolerance is, he knows how good you are at putting on a brave face in the worst situations. He has to know how much you’re really suffering right now before he makes an offer that he can’t take back.
            “Four.” You fib, pressing your lips together and daring to open your eyes and look back at him. Your eyes have adjusted to the dark a little more and you can see the sweat glistening across his chest, his quick breaths drawing your attention straight to his pecs.
            “Don’t lie to me.” His gaze hardens. He hates that you’d try to lie to him. Do you really not trust him enough to just be open with him? Jesus, he’s standing in front of you in his fucking boxers with a hard-on that you haven’t even noticed yet and somehow you feel the need to keep things from him, like he isn’t just as vulnerable as you are right now.
            “Seven.” You admit truthfully. The pain in your stomach has intensified, and all you want to do is curl into a ball right there on the floor. You feel like you’ve been doused in gasoline and lit on fire, you feel like someone attempted to extinguish that fire with a gallon of hot sauce, and then ran you over with a semi-truck. You reach out for the door frame with your right hand, using it for balance as your legs begin to feel weaker.
            “Y/n-” Bucky starts, ready to make you an offer, but you don’t let him continue. He knows it’s crossing a line. He’s fully aware that if he offers and you say no, things could just get weird between the two of you. He’s even more aware that if he offers and you say yes, it could effectively end your working relationship. But he can’t stand to see you like this. You might give each other shit more often than you’re civil with each other, but something about you being in pain has always sat wrong with him. He worries more about you in the field than he worries about himself.
            “Don’t say my name, just…” You cut him off, but your voice trails off as your eyes wander down to the front of his boxers, finally noticing the way he’s straining against the fabric, his tip resting just barely under the waistband. “If you keep standing here, if you keep saying things to me, I’m not going to be able to go back to my room. I need you to walk away before I lose the power to let you.” Your warning should be clear as day now. He needs to leave you alone.
            “No.” His refusal hits a nerve, angering you more than you would’ve thought possible. You feel a rush of adrenaline surge through you as you lose control of your actions. You place your hands against his chest, shoving him back, hard. He barely moves, which just further enrages you. “Y/n, we can fix this. I can fix this for you.” His offer is out in the open now. He holds his breath as you freeze in front of him, your hands falling away from his chest and your eyes squeezing shut in contemplation.
            “Do you even realize what you’re offering?” Your question hangs in the air between the two of you, and the tension in the hallway makes it feel as though lightning is about to strike the tiny cobblestone house that you stand in. You wish lightning would strike. When you open your eyes this time, the look in Bucky’s eye has changed. There’s something in place of his usual hard gaze, something that nearly draws you in.
            “Yes.” He’s offering to fuck you. He’s offering to give you the relief that you so badly need, the relief that can only be found when he finishes inside you. You’re hallucinating. That’s what this is. Because there is no fucking way that he’s standing in front of you right now, the six-foot tall super soldier who you can barely get along with outside of mandatory missions, offering to fuck you raw. “I know what I’m offering.” You only take a moment to weigh your options. Go back to your room, lock the door, and suffer for the next 7-10 hours or have sex with him and hope that it doesn’t ruin your entire life. Why would it ruin your life? Because he’s the only partner that you’ve trusted enough to work with since Nat passed, and there’s no way that things can just be fine and normal after you’ve seen each other naked. Things would get awkward, it’d be hard to look at each other, hard to see each other as professionals anymore. And your work, your job, is your life. Outside of this you have nothing. No family, not a single friend that isn't connected to this damn line of work, not a damn thing to turn to when this inevitably goes to shit.
            “Stop overthinking it.” Bucky’s voice breaks you out of your whirlwind of thoughts. Against your better judgement, you make eye contact with him and the way he’s looking at you gives you butterflies. Butterflies? Who the fuck are you right now? “Close your eyes.” His voice is low, making the butterflies in your stomach explode and spread outward until it feels like your skin is tingling. You don’t know why you do as he says, but your eyes close and you stand there with bated breath as the floorboards creak. He’s stepping closer to you, stopping when you feel his breath fanning across your face. He trails his flesh fingertips from the back of your left hand and up your arm slowly, drawing goosebumps to the surface of your overheated skin but leaving some kind of calmness behind. You relish the way your left arm becomes the only part of your body that isn’t in pain, the only part that he’s touching.
            “Okay…” Your voice is raspy as you cave to his touch. “But I have a rule.” He pulls his hand away and you wince as the pain quickly returns to the bones deep within your arm. He raises an eyebrow at you as he waits for you to continue. “You can’t kiss my lips.”
            Bucky hesitates for a second, caught off guard by your insane rule. No kissing? During sex? Do you hate him that much? Fuck, he shouldn’t have offered to do this in the first place. It’s obvious that you really don’t want this, and he won’t be able to get off knowing that.
            “Who’s overthinking now?” You laugh out, brushing past him and heading straight for your bedroom door. You took his hesitation as a rejection of your rule, and if he rejects your rule then you’re not doing this. If he kisses you, you’re scared you’re going to feel something. You can have sex and find absolutely zero meaning in it, that’s not that hard. It’s just a physical act. But kissing? Kissing makes it too intimate, too much of a real connection. You won’t give that away so easily. Just as you’re nearing the door, you feel Bucky’s hand wrap tightly around your wrist and pull you back, spinning you around so you’re facing him. In less than a second, he’s walking you backwards until your ass hits the wall and your hand is pinned above your head, with his body pressed firmly against yours. His nose brushes over the tip of yours and you shudder at the feeling of his skin, his body giving off so much heat that you’re regretting having put your shirt back on earlier.
            “Fine, I won’t kiss you.” He rasps. His vibranium hand is gripping your hip, holding you solidly against the wall as he moves to run his lips along your jawline. He doesn’t kiss your skin, he simply lets his lips ghost over it, making you tilt your head to the side in anticipation. “I have one rule of my own.”
            “What’s that?” Your voice sounds a lot more confident than you expected it to, like you’re not fighting to hold yourself together inside. He nips at your earlobe softly and you feel the tip of his tongue against it so lightly that you’re not sure if you imagined it or not.
            “You’re going to wear these while I fuck you.” He guides your right hand up over the perfect ridges of his abs, across his chest, and straight to the dog tags that hang around his neck.
Next Part
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miikapie · 3 months
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"Its not gonna fit!" with Geto, Choso, Toji and Gojo! (NSFW)
Just posting this because ive been thinking about writing it for weeks. Enjoy this tiny drabble while I stress over college!
Cw:.. fem!reader x various jjk men, they're mean :(( (toji, gojo too kinda..), choso being too sweet, cunilingus (choso), bad grammar ofcourse, SEX SMASHING INTERCOURSE BABY MAKING FUCKING MAKING LOVE i hope you get the point.
/MDNI//NSFW UNDER THE CUT!!
Gojo is so mean to you. If you say absolutely anything related to his size, or not being able to accommodate to his girth, hes seizing the opportunity to brag and belittle you while doing so.
"Awh baby.. it can't fit? hmm? Is my cock too big? Its okay, cutie, I know I know.. Maybe we just need to pay attention to your little clit, and we'll stretch you out too yeah? Im gonna make sure your little cunt remembers every single one of my veins no matter how long it takes to get in aallllll the way."
Geto (sighs dreamily) I LOVE THIS MAN. Totally much nicer than Gojo, but unintentionally mind-breaks you. His voice btw is so sexy can you imagine how husky it is duirng the deed??? drooling rn.
"Oh, what was that? It wont fit, hm? Thats okay, love. We'll find our way around it. Just gotta stretch you out some more so i can hit that spot you love so much, mhm? Right there isnt it? Yeah, I can tell with the way you're tightening around me. Or what about this? Maybe I'll touch your clit a little more. God... I love seeing you like this. Thats a good girl.. lay down juuust like that. You dont need to think for yourself anymore when I've got you."
Toji is SO mean, and incredibly cocky. Despite knowing damn well he's way too big to bottom out immediately in you, he takes this opportunity be snarky fun of you while destroying your insides.
" 's too big? We'll make it fit, doll. Stop moving like that, you know its just gonna hurt more. Give it a few minutes and you'll be crying like a bitch in heat. Fine. I'll be nice i guess, but im still going all the way in. 's not my fault your pussy's too damn tight. Fuck.. so good.. Yeah, see? Told you you could take it, wipe those tears 'fa me and keep your legs up here on my shoulders, yeah?"
Nanami... ah. He tries so so hard to be nice to you, by slowly bullying his way in your walls, but no matter how many times you do the deed it seems like you can never keep up with his size
"Too much, honey? Its okay, sweetheart. Look, I'll put a pillow just under your back here.. and it'll make you feel much better. Whats that? Feels nicer now? Ill take it slow as always honey, just take your deep breaths... God.. you're always so tight... It feels nice when I touch you right here doesn't it?..Feels deeper? Yes, love, thats the pillow under your back helping you relax. We're gonna have to use that trick next time wont we? Thats it, sweet thing, see? Im almost bottomed out and you haven't even noticed at all."
Choso is too much of a sensitive lover to even think about ever possibly pushing your boundaries. If he ever heard you say anything along the lines of 'too big' he'd pull out immediately and instead eat you out as an apology. (even though you've told him its just something you said in the heat of the moment) (he still leaves you shaking tho.)
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mirohlayo · 2 months
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hi could you please write how all the f1 boys would handle fans comments about their gf not being conventionally attractive or being plus size? esp george or logan 🩵
Hii ! I didn't write how all of the f1 drivers cuz it would be too much but I did write George and Logan. Also sorry for taking a little time, I was swamped with classes this week 🫶
F1 DRIVERS DEFENDING YOU ON
YOUR APPEARANCE
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( include piastri, norris, leclerc, sainz, hamilton, george, verstappen, ricciardo, sargeant & gasly )
warning : insecurities ??, things related to physical appearance, body ect...
note : i don't know if my warnings are accurate lol
─ OSCAR PIASTRI
to him, you were the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. so of course, seeing those awful comments about your appearance, face and even body makes him so damn furious. in front of people, especially in front of cameras, he would defends you in an implicit way, more like voice up about body positivity and respect every type of body. but in private, when there's only you two, he'll never stop bringing about how perfect and gorgeous you look, and that he'll cherish you for the rest of his life.
─ LANDO NORRIS
boy would be mad mad. ain't no way for him to let anyone talk about you in such a disrespectful and bad way. he'll make sure you're always comfortable and secure with your own body and appearance, by praising your beauty literally every single hour. and he doesn't think twice before rejecting every single one person who talks badly about you. he always posts some stories about you, where he basically overwhelms you by compliments and obviously to fuck off your haters in his sassy way.
─ CHARLES LECLERC
he was actually shocked by the fact people hate on your body and appearance because he literally loves these parts of you. first he'll reassure you, comforts you because after all you being a goddess is just the truth. and then he would reply to every hate comments about you, defending you like it was the end of his life. he reminds you everyday to not feel bad and guilty about yourself, to not listen to those bullshit because not a single one from them are real. just listen to him and his devoted compliments.
─ CARLOS SAINZ
it's simple, if someone talks bad about you then he'll talk bad about them. his girl is the definition of beauty and perfection. he genuinely doesn't care about your attractiveness or your body weight, cause he'll love these things anyway. he's always so enamored by how beautiful you look, and he needs people to know that. so whenever someone is insulting you, he just reminds them that there is nothing more shameful than attacking a marvel like you. a gem of beauty like you.
─ LEWIS HAMILTON
i know for sure he'll immediately defends you. and the cause in general, doing an inspired speech about bodies. he doesn't really insults or disrespect people too, cause after all he prefers keeping that energy to compliment you. but still, he makes sure haters won't never ever again talk about you in a horrible way. then he'll suggest you to stop social medias and just give up on your phone for a bit, to only focus on his words and your natural beauty.
─ GEORGE RUSSEL
first, his priority is you. by the second he saw those comments, he immediately look out for you. even if you haven't seen the comments, he's already there to reassure you. to shower you of heartwarming compliments and just genuinely appreciate your beauty, praising your curves and your body. then he'll try to ensure that you are not aware of these messages, that at no time you'll be confronted with bad comments about you. he makes it a promise, because you deserve it.
─ MAX VERSTAPPEN
the man is out of control when it comes to you. and especially when there are negative comments about your physique. it’s something he loves about you, something he adores deeply. he can literally admire you for hours without getting bored. there is so much perfection in your body. and no need to talk about your attractiveness. so as long as you know that, you're fine. but if those comments get out of hand, then he's not afraid to speak up and talk shit about whoever is insulting you.
─ DANIEL RICCIARDO
if there's one thing he can't tolerate, it's seeing you depressed because of hateful comments. he doesn't understand at all why people would hate on such a beautiful and amazing person like you ? but other than that, he'll be the best comfort boyfriend. he makes you laugh, your cheeks ache because of smiling too hard. he'll try to improve your mood by telling you funny jokes, stories, everything that makes you feel better. and on the other hand, secretly defending you on social medias by using some fake account.
─ LOGAN SARGEANT
boy is so protective towards you. maybe even overprotective. but that's his way to keep you away from bad things, such as awful comments about your physical appearance. he defends you for sure. more than anything else, day and night, he puts all of his anger into his replies to shut their mouths. and that both in public and on platforms. he doesn't understand why people don't recognize the beauty of your face, body, or even personality. just everything about yourself actually. cause you can be sure he's so fucking in love with these aspects of you.
─ PIERRE GASLY
oh man is mad. super mad even. you're literally the most precious person to his eyes, and by that logic the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. you're a piece of art, and people should know this. he won't hesitate twice before calling names the ones who disrespect you. maybe he's a bit too harsh but they just deserve it, nobody can talk bad about you, it's impossible for him. and then you can be sure he'll shower you in lot of compliments the next few weeks. telling you how gorgeous you are.
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teyamsilly · 6 months
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dark red
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pairing: neteyam x metkayina! reader
tags & warning: arguments, short tempered reader, soft spoken neteyam, neteyam has emotional intelligence, a bit angst
summary: neteyam missed your dates four times in a row because of his ikinimiya training— that he insisted on having because your father wants yourself a mate who's done ikinimiya the metkayina way. you brushed it off, but when you saw him smiling at another girl at the time your date is supposed to happen, you snapped.
index paskalin - honey
word count 1.2k words
a/n posting this at midnight and half asleep because i suddeny had an idea 💪🏻
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Sighing, you gently took off the shells Tsireya attached to your hair for decoration. The top you wore was especially meant for special occasions. You wanted to appear nice for Neteyam since you spent shorter and shorter periods with him.
This was the fourth date that he couldn't come to, and he sent Lo'ak to tell you. Neteyam told you the first time that he was preoccupied with last-minute training. He told you the same thing the second time. However, on the third occasion, Kiri informed you that he had been engrossed in training yet again. And it was his brother this time.
Something bad is 'bout to happen to me
I don't know it, but I feel it coming
Neteyam would be so worn out thereafter that he would immediately fall asleep. You sympathise with what he's going through because you've been there yourself. Complaining made you feel insensitive and unreasonable, also he was doing this for you. It never felt right to voice your concerns about the amount of time you're spending together lately.
But you miss him so much. The warm touch of his skin against yours, his lips pressing against yours, and his warm smile that never fails to make you fall for him all over again.
You huffed, deciding to meet him halfway when he goes home and give him the longest hug, because it finally hit you: you missed him too much.
You left your marui, feeling the net dipping slightly at each step you took. However, you stopped your movement when your ears twitched at a particular sound.
Neteyam's voice.
You peered ahead, brows pinched together, as his figure approached. He wasn't alone, though. He was with a girl you knew. Ila'yu was one of the best hunters in the clan. She's strong and bold. The two of you trained together and completed ikinimiya at the same age, there was no competition whatsoever.
Yet you cant help but feel possessive.
Ila'yu said something, making gestures as she did so, and Neteyam broke out a laugh. They didn't notice your presence until they were five feet away from you.
Might be so sad, might leave my nose running
I just hope she don't wanna leave me
Neteyam's eyes brightened up at the sight of you, oblivious to your harsh demeanour. Ila'yu noted your expression and remained firm on her spot as he approached you happily.
"I will see you tomorrow, Neteyam," says Ila'yu. She sent a nod towards your way, but you didn't return it.
He nodded, and grinned, "Thank you for today."
Once she was gone, Neteyam looked back at you with every intent to put all of his attention on you. He cupped your face with his rough hands, thumbs carressing your cheeks softly. "I haven't seen you in a while, paskalin." The boy leaned in for a kiss, but you pulled away and left him there standing, dumbfounded.
Neteyam was stumped. He was processing what had just occurred and began to recount all of the things he had done to you that would have hurt you. His sole thought was that he had missed another date, so he rushed inside your marui.
You were fuming, ears pinned against your head. You looked so much like your mother, it intimidated him a bit.
"What was that?" you seethed.
"What was what, paskalin?" he asked softly, stepping closer to you but you walked farther away from him. 
"What were you doing with her?"
Neteyam attempted to hold your hand, but you just slapped his hand away. "She assisted me with training. Your father couldn't observe the people in training, so he assigned her to teach us. Nothing happened," he explained.
You scoffed, "And you just happen to walk home together?"
"She accompanied me-"
"Right."
"Paskalin," he exhaled gently.
"We haven't spent time together anymore, and I was fine with it because you had training. Each time, I asked for Kiri and Tsireya's opinions on what to wear because you work so hard. And then I see you with her? Are you fucking kidding me?" you raised your voice. "You two look so happy together, must be nice to spend some time together! Oh, why don't we invite her to our mat? She can sleep with-"
Neteyam pursed his lips, exhaustion setting in. He knew that he had neglected you for a while within reason, but it still felt wrong. Every time he tried to make amends with you, something would get in the way. With your ferocious outburst, he wondered how long you'd kept to yourself.
Don't you give me up, please don't give up
Honey, I belong with you, and only you, baby
"Paskalin," he cut you off with the same gentle tone. "I don't want to argue with you. You're angry, I understand. But I don't want us to speak to each other like this. Why don't we take the moment to calm ourselves and then we talk about it?"
You blinked when he responded softly. He didn't appear upset or enraged, but simply patient. Neteyam interpreted your silence as agreement and gently grasped your hand in his. You couldn't deny the butterflies bursting in your stomach.
Neteyam sat down with crossed legs, and you followd his actions hesitantly. His thumb brushed the top of your hand delicately. You forced yourself to look away and focused your glare on the ocean, your lips slightly pouting.
You were so stubborn, and that's what Neteyam found about you so endearing. You're driven and hold yourself with confidence.
After a while, Neteyam noticed that you looked more relaxed than you were earlier. "Are you ready to talk?" he asked carefully.
You sighed, "I just… I miss you 'teyam. It feels like everyone sees you more than I do lately, and I don't like that. I know I sound selfish and ungrateful, but that's how I feel. Then when I saw her, I just snapped."
"Paskalin, I promise you that she's only been nothing, but a good friend to me. She gives me tips about my ikinimiya because she knows how much I want to be with you. If I knew it would bother you this much, I would have put my distance a bit. I'm so sorry for missing our dates, and that you had to feel this way. It was never my intention."
Only you, my girl, only you, babe
Only you, my girl, only you, babe
Tears welled up in your eyes. Now, you feel stupid.
"Please don't apologise, yawne. I'm sorry for yelling. I'm not angry or jealous that you were with her, I just felt really sad." You leaned closer, and pecked his cheek. "I feel foolish now for shouting."
Neteyam shook his head and brought your face closer to his, pressing his lips against yours. You sat on his lap and locked your legs together at his back, arms snaking around his neck. He deepened the kiss, before he pulled away.
You whined at the loss of contact.
"Don't feel foolish, my love. I'm glad that you told me this even if it wasn't in the way I expected it to be." He stared deeply into your blue eyes. "Is the problem resolved now?"
"Definitely." 
You pulled him for another kiss, and Neteyam couldn't help but chuckle against your lips for how needy you are. But he was just the same, maybe even worse.
He wouldn't want it any other way.
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Bad PR-Jordan Li Fic
A/N: I saw someone post about needing a fic about Jordan being in a relationship where they're "unmarketable" and haven't been able to get the idea out of my head since. This is written with a black reader in mind. I also have a sequel in mind if anyone wants it.
Word Count: 3739
Warnings: Some sensuality and swearing.
I don't claim to own any characters or property from Gen V or The Boys. All credit to the original gif creators.
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  Silence was something that I always thought I longed for. Every day for the past twenty years, there was noise, whether it was someone (usually multiple) talking, music blasting, cars going by, or screaming. By now, I thought I would have learned how to tune it out and focus on what was most important: save the little kids from a burning school, study as hard as I could to get into GOD U, and manipulate social media algorithms so much it would make tech experts’ heads spin.
   But, I hadn’t. Then, I thought I got used to the noise, the demands to take pictures with total strangers, the background noise of a song I was doing a TikTok challenge to, Liza, my Vought-assigned PR rep, and my parents insisting on what I should wear, and the constant buzzing in the back of my head that my ability caused. However, as I laid on Jordan’s bed, listening to them ramble about Brink, I didn’t mind the noise so much.
  “I mean, he’s kind of a mad genius but for good,” Jordan stated. Then, they turned to me with a sheepish smile on their face. “Sorry, I’m boring you, aren’t I?”
  I shook my head. “No, no, it’s alright. Brink’s brilliant and it’s amazing that you’re his mentee.” I pushed myself up onto my elbows. “Besides, you’re pretty cute when you’re excited.”
  Jordan rolled their eyes and slowly made their way towards me, stopping right at the foot of their bed. “Only when I’m excited?”
  “Shut up, you know you always look good,” I teased.
   They playfully flipped their hair and batted their eyes. “Well, we can’t all have a glam squad on call so I appreciate it.”
   I scoffed, rose to my knees, and playfully pushed their shoulder only for them to switch to their masculine form and grab my hand. “That’s not fair and I didn’t even ask for them, my parents and Liza insisted on it when I got in.”
   Jordan nodded but I could tell they weren’t listening since their eyes were on my lips. “I don’t feel like talking anymore.”
   Something about their deeper masculine voice sent tingles down my spine and made my stomach feel fuzzy. Then again, they easily caused the same effect in both forms. My breath caught in my throat as soon as our lips touched, and I could feel my heart rate pick up. I tried to relax in their gentle but firm grip as I wrapped my hands around their neck, but it was easier said than done.
   Suddenly, my back was against their bed and the kissing got more fervent. Jordan slipped their tongue down my throat and trailed one of their hands down my leg. I shivered as they pulled my leg up around their hip and pressed further into me.
   “I should’ve known this is what you meant when you said you wanted to hang out,” I breathed after pulling away for a second.
   “I had good intentions but you kept screwing me with your eyes,” Jordan huffed back.
   “No, I---” Jordan cut me off, switching to their feminine form and kissing my jaw, working their way down my neck. “Not…fair.”
   One of their hands slowly started trailing up under my (their) sweatshirt and I tried to stifle my giggles at the soft touch. After a couple of seconds, I couldn’t help but start giggling and covered my face when Jordan paused their actions and looked up at me.
   “Still ticklish?” Jordan teased.
   “Shut up, it’s your fault since they're your hands,” I groaned through another laugh.
   Jordan smirked at me and ran their hands down my waist, gently tapping my sides, causing more laughter on my end. I tried to reach for their hands to stop them but they were too good at dodging me. At some point during my laughter, my phone started ringing.
    “Ignore it,” Jordan whined as they pressed their head against my stomach, their big brown eyes somehow looking bigger and browner than usual.
   “I can’t,” I whined back as I pulled away from them and grabbed my phone from my desk. “It’s Liza, I have to answer.”
    Jordan rolled their eyes. “That bitch has the worst timing.”
   “She might not be able to help it.” I quickly answered the phone. “Hey, Liza.”
   “Y/N, I’m on campus and we need to talk ASAP. Meet me outside the Crimefighting building in five,” Liza rattled off.
   “Oh, sure, what’s it about?” I asked.
   “I’ll tell you when I see you.”
   She clicked off and I turned to Jordan, who was much less than pleased.
  “Let me guess, you have to go,” they said.
   “I’m sorry, it sounded important,” I said as I started grabbing my stuff from around their room. “I’ll try to make it quick.”
   “No, don’t worry about it.” They pushed themselves off the bed and stood in front of me, gently grabbing my hands in theirs. “It’s your career and I’m proud of you. I knew what I was getting into when the Cyclone became my girlfriend.”
    I wrinkled my nose. “Ugh, don’t say it like that. But I appreciate you and I will show you as much later.” I quickly kissed them and grabbed my shoes. Just as I was about to leave, I paused at something in their closet. “Is that my jacket?”
   Jordan shook their head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
   I snatched the item from the closet and held it out. “Jordan, you’re going to try to convince me that you’re into vintage Yves Saint Laurent?”
       “Your taste rubbed off on me,” they said with a shrug.
       “I’m flattered.” I put it back in their closet.  
        “By the way, do you know where my black hoodie went?”
       “See you later!”
        About four and a half minutes later, I was sitting at an outdoor table with Liza and my parents. Despite the summer heat, Liza was wearing a navy skirt suit, and her graying black hair was tied into a severe bun on the top of her head. She was typing on two different phones and her laptop simultaneously, deep blue eyes never staying on anything too long. My mom, who sat on my right, smiled kindly.
        “So, Y/N, how does it feel to be a junior?” she asked.
        “Great, Mom. I thought I told you and Dad that you didn’t have to hover this much since I am a junior now,” I said, glancing at my dad who was on my other side.
        “We’re not hovering, it’s been two days since we dropped you off,” Dad insisted. “Besides, this is about business.”
          “Wha---”
           “Oh my gosh, is that Y/N Y/L/N?” Someone squealed behind me.
          “Show time,” I sighed.
          The “someone” was actually two someones, a pair of what looked like freshmen. One was a tall, pretty brunette in a white graphic tee and matching mini skirt and the other was an equally pretty, slightly shorter brunette wearing jean shorts and Vans. The taller one held her V-Phone with a death grip.
           “Can we take a picture with you?” The taller one asked.
           “Of course.” I stood from my seat and made my way over to them.
           “I can take it.” But before my mom could stand, Liza shot up from her seat, grabbed the phone, and ushered us closer together.
           “Okay, Y/N in the middle, Tall Girl on the left, Short One on the right,” Liza instructed, eyes never looking up from the camera.
          “It’s Ashley,” the short one said.
          “Smile!”
          I did as I was told and the girls were walking away before I could even say an obligatory, “No problem.”
            Both my parents smiled as I sat back down.
            “It’s great to see that you’re still popular after all this time,” Dad said, his eyes hidden behind his tinted sunglasses.
             “As she should be. Y/N has thirty million followers across all her social media and she does amazing in the Midwest and the South, both tough demographics for young black women,” Liza stated.
            “Thanks, Liza,” I said, mindlessly playing with the ends of my butterfly locs. “So, you mentioned you were coming but left out my parents.”
            At this, Liza finally paused from typing and looked up at me. She slowly set her elbows on the table and rested her chin on top of her pale hands. My head involuntarily started shaking from side to side and Liza lifted one of her hands.
            “Let me speak first, Y/N, and then we can argue about it,” Liza stated.
            “The last time you said that, I ended up almost getting mauled by a dog during an animal shelter livestream,” I hissed.
             “Well, the dog had a serious history of trauma,” Liza insisted.
             “You didn’t inform me of that before insisting I cuddle with it for the camera!”
              “It was a learning lesson: you are fantastic under pressure.”
               I huffed and folded my arms over my chest. “So, what is this about?”
              Liza assumed her previous “Serious business” pose. “Like I was saying, you’re doing fantastic numbers. That last TikTok you and Cate did hit a hundred million views in less than twenty-four hours.”
            “The ‘Rover’ challenge wasn’t that hard,” I commented.
             “That’s amazing!” Mom practically cheered.
             “That’s my girl,” Dad said, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
              I smiled despite the strong sense that a “but” was coming.
             “However,” Liza continued.
              Uh oh.
             “My job is to do everything in my power to make sure everyone associates Y/N Y/L/N and Cyclone with beauty, intelligence, grace, taste, and power. So, we are a little concerned about Jordan.”
              Immediately, my shoulders tensed and I gritted my teeth. “Who exactly is ‘we’?” I glanced at my parents.
                Mom’s eyes widened and I had no idea what Dad was doing.
                “No, of course not, Sweetie, we love Jordan. They have been a fantastic influence on you,” Mom insisted.
               I could feel my face warm up about what had transpired with Jordan a few minutes ago. I doubt that would fall under “good influence”, or any time we went out with the others. 
               “And they give you a run for your money when it comes to combat. You need someone challenging like them. Plus, that Luke boy isn’t bad either,” Dad added.
               As their words sunk in, I had a strange feeling that my parents were there to lessen a Vought-sized blow. My suspicions were confirmed when Liza’s lips pressed more firmly together and she was glancing at one of her phones.
               “Are you reading a script right now?” I seethed.
               Liza’s head shot up and she shook her head. “No, no, Y/N, not at all. Just some notes.” She quickly regrouped. “I understand that you’re happy and you’re probably having some fantastic sex right now----”
               “Liza!” I interrupted, praying that the ground would open and swallow me whole.
               Suddenly, Dad’s arm was back at his side, and Mom was suddenly very captivated by a pair of seniors skateboarding past.
               “But the facts are that a bi-gender Asian supe is not marketable in the Deep South or the Midwest,” Liza said. “I am not shaming Jordan for who they are but, my job is to sustain your relatable-but-unattainable brand and not let anything get in the way of it.”
              “You’re saying my partner is a threat to my career?” I asked, my voice much hollower than I intended.
               “Potentially. Now, I have come up with a very good alternative.” Liza turned her laptop so it was facing my parents and me. On it was a picture of Andre and some clips of us on social media. “Andre Anderson tested very well. Our focus group members responded positively to the black power couple aesthetic.”
             “We’ve met him before, he’s nice,” Mom offered.
              “He’s cool and I’ve met his dad and I could see us all getting along,” Dad mentioned.
               My head was swirling with so many thoughts that I was convinced I was either going to be overwhelmed by them or find one that was coherent enough to state. My mouth settled on, “It’s the twenty-first century and you’re all telling me I have to break up with my partner because of demographics? Jordan’s an amazing supe and they’re so smart, it’s scary. They can do---will do so much good and the only thing you care about is optics?”
               Mom gently touched my arm. “Y/N, please, calm down.”
When I glanced around, I noticed that several Vought-A-Burger wrappers, a couple of cigarettes, and a few panicked squirrels and rabbits were swirling around the table. Quickly, I released the small animals and put the trash in the nearby receptacle.
              “Sorry about that,” I muttered, eyeing Liza.
               “I understand that you have strong feelings for Jordan but, think about it. With the right moves, you could be living in The Tower with the legends of your generation. Sure, you’re number three at GOD U right now, but this status can easily go away. You’ve worked your entire life to be the hero that little black girls everywhere look up to. Don’t take Cyclone away from them before she even starts,” Liza warned.
               I desperately wanted to say something snarky, but my mind was blank. The only thing I could sense was my throat tightening up and my eyes beginning to well. I brushed a loc out of my face to play it off and tried to gain my thoughts.
              “How much time do I have before I make a decision?” I asked.
              “Twenty-four hours. I’ll be looking out for your call, text, email, or video call,” Liza stated as she started to pack her things.
                My parents stood and Mom gave me one of her warm hugs and Dad pulled me to his side.
              “It will be okay, Y/N,” he whispered.
               I swallowed the giant lump in my throat to thank him and then insisted on walking them back to their car.
              A few hours later, Elle Woods was sobbing in the fanciest restaurant in California while I carefully placed my baking pan in the oven. As much as I wanted to sob, I had no time for tears, I had to think. The thinking led me to have so many circular thoughts that my head spun and I resorted to baking and watching my favorite movie.
              If Elle could solve a murder case and exonerate her client as a first-year law student, I should be able to figure out this PR mess. On the one hand, I was happier with Jordan than I’ve ever been with anyone. On the other hand, my dreams and my family’s position were hanging by a thread.
            Maybe it was better that I channeled my energy into baking cupcakes.
            I exhaled a small gust of wind to clear the bowls and utensils from the counter and place them in the dishwasher. Then, I focused on pushing multiple gusts of wind from my hands to clean the counters and wash the dishes. By the time I was done, I was exhausted and flopped on my couch to mindlessly watch the movie.
            Unfortunately, the bright and colorful backdrop of Elle’s LSAT studying montage did nothing to take my mind off my dilemma. All I could think about was Jordan’s face when I told them. Breaking up with them would be like shooting a puppy’s mom in front of the puppy and making it watch it bleed out.
               How would I tell them anyway? Hey, babe, I’m sorry I had to run out on us almost hooking up to meet with Liza and my parents. Funny story, they want me to break up with you so that I have a shot at a career and date Andre instead. See you for that morning lecture?
             Knock! Knock! Knock!
            The sound jolted me from my thoughts, and I pushed myself off the couch to answer it. “Rufus, if you try to get me into your room again, I swear to----” I cut myself off at the sight of Jordan, in their feminine form, staring back at me.
            They wore a navy sweatshirt and black sweatpants. Also, their cheeks were more flushed than usual and they smelled like their sandalwood body wash, meaning they had probably stopped by the gym recently.
             “Is Rufus bothering you again? I’ll go murder him right now,” Jordan said.
              I quickly grabbed their wrist. “No, I appreciate the thought but I’m fine, besides, I can take care of myself.”
             “I know but I can’t help but worry.”
              A strange warm, tingling sensation ran its way from the center of my chest throughout the rest of my body. I was sure that if someone listened closely enough, they would hear me buzzing.
             I stepped aside to let Jordan in and leaned against the door to close it. “So, what brings you by?”
            They wandered over to my couch, sat down, and grabbed my phone off the coffee table. “Because you haven’t been answering my texts or calls.”
             “Crap, I am so sorry, Jordan, I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”
             Jordan glanced around my dorm. “I can see that.” They sniffed the air. “Legally Blonde and you’re baking, what happened at the meeting?” 
            Of course, Jordan would cut straight to the point. Usually, this kind of banter was pleasant but my stomach was in knots as Liza’s words and my parents’ expressions replayed in my mind.
           “What? I can’t bake and watch a comfort movie after a last-minute PR meeting?” I asked rhetorically, crossing the room to my desk to start organizing my textbooks.
           “Don’t try to deflect, Y/N. Tell me what happened.” Their voice was gentle but firm and I knew that they were not going to let me out of this conversation.
           So, I set Brink’s latest book down and sat across from Jordan on my tangerine accent chair. I prayed that I would find the right words to say before blurting them out. As soon as I made eye contact with them, my chest tightened.
          “Well, Liza surprised me by having my parents join us,” I started.
           Jordan raised their eyebrows. “Shit, this is serious.”
           “Uh-huh. Liza said that my numbers are doing great and I’m on track for a promising career.”
           “And?”
           I gulped. “And…she’s concerned that my personal choices might get in the way of that.”
          Jordan frowned. “Personal choices? Every college kid known to man has done illicit substances and drank alcohol underage. You’ve never been caught doing any of that anyway.”
        “You’re right but she wasn’t talking about partying; she was talking about us.”
         As soon as the bomb rolled off my tongue, I saw its impact on Jordan, from the flashing expressions of confusion and anger to the clenching of their fists. I just wanted to make it stop.
        “What?”
         As I rambled Liza’s reasoning, I could sense the hurt and animosity flowing from Jordan. Once I finished, the timer for the cupcakes went off and I jumped up to grab them. I could have cried at the momentary escape as I set them on the counter to cool.
        “She weaponized your desire to be a positive role model for other girls who look like you to screw you over,” Jordan said slowly.
           I wiped my hands on my sweatpants. “Liza’s doing her job, babe, and she’s looking at all angles, including how it could impact my goals.” I returned to my seat and folded my hands in my lap.
          “Her job is to make you choose between your relationship and your career?” Jordan asked. “That’s bullshit, this whole thing is.”
           “I know, Jordan, trust me, I know, I almost started a small tornado when she said it.”
            Jordan eyed me closely for a second. “What else did she say?”
           “What?”
           “I can tell you’re holding back, Y/N. Whatever else you have to say, it can’t be any worse.”
           They might have just jinxed that.
           “Liza thinks that Andre would be a better fit for me because a bunch of people like the idea of a black power couple.”
           Jordan had two angry responses: the first was they would attempt to tear down anything and everything around them unless consoled. The second was they would become unresponsive and deal with all their rage internally. That night, I got the second one. Their eyes were hollow and the color drained from their face. My eyes welled up as I hoped for them to start screaming, swearing, or something, but nothing happened.
         “But I don’t want to do it, Jordan, I think it’s so stupid.” I knelt in front of them, grabbed my phone from their hands, and set it aside to hold them. “My parents don’t even really agree with Liza because they know you and they think you’re awesome.”
        “What do you think?” they muttered.
        “Like I said, I think it’s stupid. We can figure something else out. Liza can spin us as the ultimate diverse power couple, huh?” I did my best to smile as widely as I could. “Come on, let’s forget about this. I made white velvet cupcakes with cream cheese filling. You can be my first taste tester once they cool.”
         Things would work out, they had to. We would figure something out and survive our junior year at GOD U with little to no incidents. Suddenly, Jordan’s hands slipped from my grasp and they shifted to their masculine form.
         “What if it doesn’t work out?” Jordan whispered.
          “What do you mean?” I replied.
         “I mean, you don’t necessarily have to be a supe but, I know that you’re scared for your parents. Your success has helped them a lot and it could destroy them if your reputation takes a hit,” they said. “And I’ve seen how little black girls light up when they see you now and how passionate you are about helping them and, I know that you’re just getting started and I don’t want to be in the way.”          “Jordan…”
         “I don’t want to hold you back anymore, Y/N,” they muttered.
         Their words sunk deep into my core like a boulder and took all my words with it. I wanted to tell them that they could never hold me back and that they made me a better super, a better person. But all I could do was watch as they stood and walked out of my dorm, taking our one and a half year relationship with them.
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sherlock-is-ace · 2 years
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jellyfishandry · 23 days
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Izuku w/ a drop dead gorgeous s/o
Content: Reader has hair, established relationship, kissing, gn reader, some jealously and insecurity,
A/N: I was gonna add Katsuki too, but Izuku's got pretty long, so I'll probably put his in a separate post.
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Despite training to be a hero, his self-esteem isn't the highest. So he has no idea why someone as stunning as you would want to date him.  When he asked you out he was kinda expecting you to reject him. But you didn't.  Receiving kisses from you makes him red, especially if he's around his classmates or friends. He loves forehead kisses. They're so sweet and comforting and he likes the feeling of you brushing his bangs out of the way. Whenever you walk into the room (especially when it's early in the relationship,) his cheeks get a little pink, and he has to take a moment to collect himself. You're just so attractive he can't help it. He's aware of the looks you get, and it doesn't really bother him. But if someone is being weird or making you uncomfortable then he gets frustrated and a little jealous. There are times where he questions your attraction towards him. He doesn't feel like he's handsome enough to even be seen with you… But you quickly notice that something is off, and you ask him about it. He's hesitant at first to tell you, but he does. And he feels a lot better when you reassure him that you love him for who he is, and not anyone else. He loves seeing your gorgeous face every time he opens his phone. Especially when you haven't seen each other in a while. Your voice too. He loves hearing you talk. It's like music to his ears and it calms him. But he actually gets surprised and a little flustered when you comment on the things he's ranting about.  He's used to people tuning him out, so it's a pleasant surprise when you listen to him. And the look on your face makes him feel so loved. A small smile on your lips, and your eyes completely focused on him. At first it made him nervous, having your undivided attention for such a long time.  He wanted to impress you with the new things he had learned, that he'd start stuttering and tripping over his words. Eventually he becomes comfortable enough to be cuddling with you while he rants. He really likes when you play with his hair. Especially when he's having a rough day. He’ll gladly do the same for you, he loves the feeling of your hair between his fingers. Around others he might seem like he's overly clingy, but he isn't.  He's very clear with boundaries, and he'd never do anything to make you uncomfortable. He'll ask to hold your hand or simply touch you.  Your boundaries are very important to him. And if someone else crosses your boundaries, he'll be quick to tell them to back off and stop bothering you.  He loves going shopping with you and he really thinks you look good in anything.  He wants to see you in the clothes you love and are comfortable in. He can't deny that the first time he saw you out of your school uniform, he was absolutely blown away at how stunning you looked in your clothes of choice. Every time you kiss him he's amazed at how soft your lips are. He sometimes feels bad though because his lips are often dry and chapped. But when you tell him that it doesn't make a difference and you love kissing him no matter what, he feels better. He might end up coming to you and asking about what chapstick is most effective. He just kinda assumes you know because your lips are so soft and smooth.  During longer kisses he'll occasionally grab your sleeves or arms.  Your kisses practically break him, so he has to hold onto you so he can ground himself and not fall over… You don't mind though. It's honestly kinda cute. If you cup his face or play with his hair during a kiss, he might just melt in the spot.  He's so thankful to have someone as amazing as you as his partner.  He loves you so much.
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hadesnumber1daughter · 4 months
Text
Pretty like the sun
Pairing: Percy Jackson x Apollo daughter OC (she classes as an oc cause I gave her a name but you can just read it like your name or Y/N if you want, I just feel better when I'm writing and the characters have names :)
Summary: Percy has always felt something for you, something that you had felt aswell. These quests of life and death finally knocked some sense into you two.
Warnings: Blood, Pain, Agony, Violence, Weapons, Wounds, Wound treating, Curse words, Oblivious idiots, Fluff, Angsty??, Sexual tension, Mutual pining, Almost death, Non-Canon, Hugs, Kisses, Holding hands, Ooc Percy??? Cerberus as a violent dog (ik she isnt really but this is my imagine so idc), Not proof-read, GUT-WRENCHING LOVE, IDK how i wrote this considering I've never been in a relationship OR have ever had an actual crush in my 16 sad years of life
Words: 6.3k
Notes: This is my first imagine so I'm sorry if its bad😭😭. Also if anyone would be willing to give me a few pointers when it comes to working this app as a creator please do cause, yeah I've been using this app for years but I have no idea how to use it when it comes to posting things. I would be very grateful. ❤️❤️❤️. Also, if anyone wants to request something else for me to write I would love to write something for either Percy or Luke, I'll probably make a list of people who I'm willing to write for later today cause it is 10am rn and I haven't slept so I'll just go bed after this 😭😭😭
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As soon as percy got handed this quest, with Grover being part of the cloven council and Annabeth being gone to spend time with her family, Percy knew his immediate first choice would be Aurora, there was no doubt about it. The Apollo girl had a spark about her that has drawn him in the second he laid eyes on her.
He had deemed it because she was a daughter of Apollo so there would always be some sort of light that would draw him in, but he hasnt been very sure of that for a very long time. Every time he laid eyes on her, it felt as though time stood still and she was the only source of light and happiness in this dark, gloomy world. 
They had became extremely close when he first came to camp, she taught him the ropes in archery as to put it plainly, he was absolutely shit at it. He had no aim and his stance was awful, in her own words.
When she first said that to him, he wanted to throw her in a dumpster, but then he saw her, he properly saw her. He didnt know what Aphrodite looked like, but he was sure she would be a spitting image of the girl. He was even more sure that she was a daughter of Aphrodite but instead she was not, which made sense as to why she was hanging around the archery booth. From that day forward, she helped him freshen his archery skills, and he helped her with her sword skills.
He has never understood why she wouldnt ask Luke as he was the best swords-man and would probably be a better trainer. However, when he brough it up to her one time her cheeks flushed the tiniest bit and she stated how she was helping him, so he should do that same.
That's how they have ended up here. In the middle of nowhere, trying to find and 'kill' a beast that has been accidently lost and let out from the underworld and send it back. Although quests always have 3 people on them, the oracle specifically stated that this was only a 2 person job. Percy had never been so sure in picking Aurora at that moment in time. 
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"Are you sure we are going the right way Perce, I swear I've seen this tree 3 times already" Aurora stated this time taking a dagger and marking said tree with an X so if they do cross it again, she would be right.
"You never trust my navigation skills sunshine, why is that, is it cause you always get lost in my eyes" he says turning to look at her with a smug smile on his face. The girl abruptly stopped at his turn and could feel the blood rush to her cheeks in that moment, her honey-brown eyes immediately locked with his water coloured eyes and she broke the gaze, not letting him have the satisfaction of being right.
"You wish seaweed brain" she muttered and walked past him knocking into his shoulder in the process which led to him letting out a dramatic gasp.
"That hurts sunshine. Where are you going, it's getting dark, we should stop, set up camp and get some rest so we can re-think and re-strategize." The girl slowly stops her steps and turns her back to the boy who is standing there leaning against a tree with his arms crossed giving her a cocky glance that makes her want to die and kill him at the same time. 
The two had a stand-off for a bit before one decided to speak up.
"As long as I don't have to scavenge this creepy forest for wood then its fine by me" the girl said walking back to him while his eyes following her every movement till she was a few steps away from him. The girl went to grab something from her pocket with her left hand and with her right, she grabbed the boys arms and dragged her hand down it, to his hand which automatically opened up. She placed something cold into it with her left hand.
He looked at her and she had a glint in her eyes he hadn't seen for the past 12 hours, looking to his palm, he was a coin. Not just any ordinary coin or ordinary drachma. It was a coin from sea life, the one coin they give to one another which can be used for many thing, they talked it over before the quest. The coin can only be used for 2 things during this quest, to make sure the other doesnt die, or the person who has been handed the coin has to do what the person giving the coin wants no matter what.
He looked up at her with a confused look but seeing the mischief in her eyes gave enough away. Sighing he pocketed the coin and stepped away from the tree which only left 3 steps in-between the two. 
"What do you want me to do" not even bothering arguing.
"I want to see you fail at making a fire" she said just giving him the brightest smile, basically oozing sunlight from her. The boy felt like a deer stuck in headlights in that moment, he almost forgot the reason for her heavenly smile. He wanted to tell her he loved her right there and then, that he could never get enough of her, that he searched for her in every room he ever walked into, that she was the one and only constant source of light in his life, that she was the sun and he would orbit her in every universe no matter how close he got, no matter how much it destroyed him. He was utterly inconsolable without her. He loved her.
"Aurora" the boy started to say, in a serious tone which immediately made the girl's smile falter as she looked into his eyes, he didnt need to say anything. His eyes spoke more words than he would have liked, enough for the girl to get the message and understand him. All of the glances, the subtle touches, the comfort of each other like no other. She felt and understood it all. 
He was about of continue when a roar sounded, echoing in all directions and rustling the trees. The two could hear the howl of Cerberus all around them. Percy immediately uncapped riptide while Aurora unclasped her bracelet which turned into a bow and an unlimited supply of arrows. 
The both circled back to back, covering each others blind spot like muscle memory. They could feel the ground shake with each step the otherworldly creature took. 
"How are we going to do this?" the girl asked while keeping an eye on all of her surroundings. 
"You distract with your arrows as they are long-range and while she's focused on you, I'll go for the kill shot"
"She can't die" she could feel him rolling her eyes as the words left her mouth.
"You know what I mean" 
They could hear the low growl from the side of them. The three-headed beast emerged in all its glory with its 6 menacing eyes ready to rip these two teens to shreds and send the wrong beings in this equation to the underworld. Percy turned to stand next to Aurora and the girl grabbed his hand and squeezed to which he immediately responded. There were many unspoken words that had been said in the past 10 minutes and this was another addition 'dont die, be safe, come back to me'.
Slipping through her fingers, his hand left hers and quietly stalked away before the beast could get any idea there were 2 of them. Wishing the best for the boy, she instantly got the dogs attention by shooting an arrow at the middle head's nose. 
It did not like that.
They all barked at once and got ready to run at the girl. She didn't like to admit it but she was fucking terrified. Cerberus ran at her and she leapt to the side and ran as fast as she could not looking back until she could feel he's a little away from her. She got another arrow ready in her bow and blindly shot it behind her. 
She heard a small whimper which brought a smirk to her face but that was immediately wiped away as she heard the barking intensify. Hiding behind a tree the girl caught her breaths and looked for the hound and she couldnt spot it or Percy. She got another arrow ready and looked behind the tree once again but was faced with the thing she was hunting. 
Fear spread to every part of her body and she had no time to brace the impact as the dog clawed the tree which in return clawed her. She let out a bloodcurdling scream as she was flung into another tree. The bark from the destroyed tree splintered her, her head hit against a tree on impact and the large gash on her side felt like a fire that was melting her skin off. The girl felt her breath stick in her throat, she felt as though she was dying as immense pain filled her and black spots invaded her vision. Only one other thing was on her mind.
Percy.
The ocean eyed boy lost sight of Cerberus immediately as it began to chase Aurora, his Aurora. He followed as fast as he could not wanting anything bad to happen to the girl he loved before he got any chance to be with her, to confess and to just live a life content with his feelings. 
As he heard, the whoosh of Aurora's arrows increase, he could feel himself being uncapable of keeping up with the beast from the underworld and he cursed himself for it. He lost sight of Cerberus and it scared him, it was too quiet. He couldn't hear the creature or the girl he loved. 
His heartbeat quickened as he looked all around him trying to see a glimpse of either of them. 
Then all blood drain out of his face when he heard the one sound he wished he did not have to hear, ever. Aurora's scream made his heart almost leap out of his chest. He didnt know what to do, he didnt know where she was, he couldnt see the hound, its his fault, she going to die because of him. 
She most certainly is going to die if you dont get a fucking move on, that one voice in his head said. And he pushed all the doubts to the back of his head and focused on 2 things. Defeating Cerberus and finding Aurora. 
He could hear the three-headed dogs footsteps and instantly ran to it. It didnt see him coming and it's tail was on the ground so he didnt the best thing he could think of. He ran up the tail onto the body of the beast.
This elicited loud barking from the beast and Percy could only do one thing. Repeatedly stab the dog until it dissolved. 
Now... admittedly, this was not a good strategy. It was fucking awful. There was no thought to his stabs, they all just angered the beast and considering she was quite resistance to stabs, it wasnt helping. He was just tiring himself out. 
He then has the genius idea of stabbing the beast in the eye, or eyes. He started with the left head. The beast let out a large whimper, and stumbled which cause the boy to almost loose his grip on it. He wasnt going to stop now, he needed to send Cerberus back and get to Aurora.
Aurora. Her scream was echoing in his mind. Bouncing around his skull like he has no brain inside, only her gut-wrenching scream.
He subtly shook his head. As much as he was dreading where she was and if she was okay. He needed to secure Cerberus and he needed all attention to so it as fast a possible to get back to his sunshine.
He then stabbed riptide into both the right heads eyes. Percy knew what to expect this time so he braced himself and held on as tight as he could. He could not fail now. He was too close.
The dog slumped onto the floor which made percy's last task much more easier. With agility and caution the boy leapt onto the middle head and punctured the eyes out which evoked a whimper which made the boy feel bad for the animal and it slowly turned to dust. 
In an instant the boy caught his breath and his mind raced with only one thing. 
Aurora.
"Aurora! Sunshine! Where are you?" The boy felt as though he could not breathe. His head was spinning trying to find her in the mountains of trees and in the darkness of this forest, he has never needed to see her more now than any other time. 
"Aurora! Please if you can hear me make a sound! Anything so I know you're alive" He would never leave her. He would die before he left her to rot in these woods. He would never be able to face the guilt and loss.
"Please! Say SOMETHING" he could feel himself getting frustrated. "HELP! SOMEONE, ANYONE" tears welded in his eyes trying to find her. 
There was a rustle of leaves from the left side behind him. He was running to the sound before it even registered in the back of his mind. He kept hearing the rustling and a small whimper. 
He saw a faint glow of light behind a tree and he held his breath for the sight that was to come. He skidded to a stop and fell on his knees infront of her.
His heart dropped to his stomach when he saw her. Her face was significantly paler than when he left her and she had a wood splinter sticking out of her thigh and worst of all, the 4 claw marks across her abdomen with blood everywhere, it seemed to have stopped pouring, but it was a nauseating sight to see. He didnt know what to do. 
"Aurora, darling, open your eyes" his hands reached her cheeks and his thumb rubbed circled on her cheek and his two fingers made their way to her neck to check her pulse. He let out a sigh of relief when he felt a pulse. It was faint but not too faint to the point it would slip too far out of his grasp. 
He reached for his bag on his back to get some first aid supplies, ambrosia and nectar for the girl, when she let out a pained gasp.
The girl had barely an recollection of anything, the only thing on her mind at the moment was the immense pain shooting through her whole body, It felt like she was on fire and couldnt breathe. She wanted to die.
Then her vision cleared and she saw the golden haired boy looked at her like she was the only thing in the whole world, he held so much worry in his eyes that she thought for a second if she was already dead and it was her spirit seeing his reaction to her death.
"Gods, Aurora, you're okay. You had be so worried, I was terrified, I cannot lose you. If I lost you I would lose myself" The boy held one hand to her cheek while speaking so intently to her.
In that one moment she could feel his stare, like clockwork, bubble something inside of her. It almost made her forget why she was on the ground, why she could taste something metallic in the back of her mouth, why she couldnt move her right leg. It almost took it away. Almost.
That fire spread throughout her body again and she couldnt stop the wail that left her mouth. The pain was nauseating. A flood of curses left Percy's mouth as he grabbed the bottle of nectar and opened it.
"Okay, sunshine, I know you're in a lot of pain but I'm going to give you some nectar, you need to drink it but you need to sit up a little straighter." The girl immediately shook her head as a no in response to the boy. 
"I know. The amount of times we've both had to do it but you know deep down that its the only thing that will fix it." The girl tried to harden her stare at the boy but she was too weak to even look at him properly.
"O-okay, but... I can't" she inhaled sharply as she tried to move the slightest bit. She didn't have to finish her sentence for the boy to understand what she was trying to say. He took one his flannel button ups from his bag, scrunched it up and gave it to her. She could only give him a confused look.
"Put it in your mouth, bite down hard cause I'm gonna move you into the right position and its gonna be a pain. I'm sorry sunshine but I have to." She took it with her shaking hands and was about to put it in her mouth when she smelt it, sea salt and musk, then the girl really looked at what the item of clothing was. 
"this is yours" she said in a hoarse voice, looking up at him, confusion plastered all over her features.
"Well I dont exactly know where your bag is so next best thing." he gave her a weak smile and moved closer to her but she weakly grabbed his hand.
"I'm scared" she whispered so pathetically but the boy understood, he knew her. He knew that he needed to keep talking to her, to make sure he is doing something close enough to her for her to know that she's still alive. 
He only interlaced their fingers and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. 
"I won't let go, I promise. You aren't leaving me, not after everything we have been through together" the girl's eyes welled with tears but she nodded and stuffed her mouth with Percy's flannel. 
He wrapped his arms around her from the side, where he was sitting and placed a kiss in the hair before counting down.
"3...2..." the boy didnt get to 1 before he pulled her up so she was sitting not laying down and with the movement came muffled screams and tears that flowed down the girls face. He was whispering sweet nothings in her ear as she lent into him and he repeatedly kissed her hair or forehead. 
"I'm sorry sunshine, I really am. When you're all better I promise you can hit me" he tried to uplift her but she could barely hear him. Her body shook and agony filled her every sense. He couldn't even express the guilt and regret he felt for the girl, immediately grabbing the nectar, and slowly taking his flannel out of her mouth. 
"You're doing great sweetheart" he says while slowly pouring the nectar into her mouth. Her head is resting against his shoulder as she swallows the drink down in small sips. After she drank it, Percy put it away and the girl began to close her eyes.
"Hey, hey, sunshine you can't be doing that right now. Come on I need to patch you up and then we need to get back to camp, I'll call blackjack. I know how much you like riding on him" he lifts her head off his shoulder and places her on the tree, but this time sitting up so he has easy access to her abdomen. 
She opened one eye and slightly smiled at the boy.
"You're gonna call blackjack?" the girl asked a bit delirious but seemingly in less pain. This brought a instant smile to him as he let out a chuckle, nodding his head while grabbing gauze and 2 bandage rolls.
"I promise I will, but you have to make sure to keep fighting okay. Once this is over, I have something special to tell you" He came loser to the girl and her breath slowed for a moment. 
He looked at her abdomen and a thought crossed his head that made blood rush to his cheeks, he was thankful the girl was delirious and it was dark or else he would simply wallow away. He cleared his throat and looked back up to the girl.
"I'm going to have to cut your shirt off so I can access the cuts and clean them properly" he looked into her eyes once but couldnt face her after that.
"okay" she whispered in return, locking her eyes onto his every move. 
The boy went back into his bag and grabbed a pair of scissors then faced the girl again. He could feel her watchful eyes on him the entire time and he hated to say it but that small voice in the back of his head was wishing she was a bit more delirious right now so he wasnt under her scrutiny while undressing her. Clearing his throat again, he begins to speak.
"Just tell me when to slow down or when to stop, if it gets too painful for you and I'll stop and slow down, okay" he looked to her for reassurance and an okay, to which she nodded.
He didn't know how to position himself so he just opted for kneeling next to her, facing her. He then grabbed the scissors and started to cut her top. Starting from the bottom to the top. As he reached the first claw mark the girl hissed as the shirt was stuck to the wound due to all the dried blood. Percy automatically stopped what he was doing. 
"No, no, keep going, don't stop now otherwise we will never get this done and I can't go back to camp cause I'll be dead" her honey-brown eyes were glossed with tears and the boy just wanted to hold her in his arms until the end of time in a place where they aren't fighting monsters all the damn time and in a place where they can settle down, have fun and just enjoy their life like regular teenagers.
"Don't say that so casually, you are not going to die. Not when you have me. Not when I'll always be here for you, patching you up, nursing you back to health forever. I will never in a million years let you die. I swear on the river Styx." 
She couldn't say anything to him, he will always render her speechless. She just nodded her head as tears cascaded down her cheeks to which he wiped away and placed a kiss on her forehead. Feeling the warmth off eachother brought a sense of peace to them that no one else could ever fill. 
He finished wiping her tears away and then continued cutting her shirt away from the wound. Every time she hissed, winced or flinched, the boy had the overwhelming urge to stop everything he was doing as long as it stopped bring her more pain. Whenever this would happen, the girl would softly squeeze his knee, as her hand was resting there to make sure he was still close to her and was still okay and breathing. 
This reassured him immensely but it did not stop him from the guilt that was drowning him. This would not have happened if it wasn't for him. She would not be in this position right now if he just chose someone else to go on the quest with. She had almost died due to his decision making. He chose her, he told her the plan, the plan that put her straight into danger, he didnt even second guess his choice, he put her into the battlefield without even asking her properly. Whatever he said went. 
The boy had not realised that during his intense self-loathing session, he zoned out and stopped the task at hand.
"Perce?" the girl asked while bringing her hand from his knee to his bicep. "Are you okay? whats going on in your kelp filled brain?" she said with a half smile as the boy looked up at her.
"Nothing, its okay. Just zoned out for a sec" he replied in an instant, looked away from her and continued to cut her shirt away. He was almost at her breasts and he could feel himself getting a bit hot. Obviously, there was no reason to in this situation but just being so close and intimate to her in a non sexual way made him flustered, he couldn't even imagine of it was in a sex- STOP. He shouted at his brain.
She let out a whimper of pain and a few laboured breaths as Percy carefully peeled her shirt of off the biggest wound she had. Her hand squeezed his knee harder than he would have liked her to but it didnt matter, not anymore, not when he caused this, not when he was the reason for her pain. 
He finally got it off the biggest cut and last cut and now he just had to cut the rest of the shirt off. No big deal right?
WRONG. 
The boy was telling himself to suck it up and just cut the rest of her shirt off but he was flustered. It was times like this that made him remember he was just a boy. He was just a boy with a silly crush. Except it isnt a 'silly crush' he was utterly in love with the girl. He tried to clear his head and at the same time, cleared his throat while he cut higher. 
He could feel her eyes watching him, he could feel how fast her heart was racing and he could feel how fast his own was racing. It was as though their hearts were in sync. Every beat was the same. 
Yes the girl felt flustered in this situation, she also couldn't help but want to tease the boy she loved. The girl had always grown up with a life where she never 'loved' anyone, not truly. To her love was always a very strong word in her dictionary but whatever she felt for Percy Jackson it was so powerful she felt as though she needed a word more meaningful than love. 
A word that expressed how everytime she thought of him, that specific memory of him will be branded in her brain forever to the point where even Hera could never make her forget him or forget the way he makes her feel.
He makes her feel alive, the most alive shes every felt in her 16 years of life.
"Are you blushing water boy?" the girl asked him with a half smile on her face and eyes half opened as she felt a sharp pain run through her, while also trying to control her own breathing at the same time. Percy didn't respond, he only kept cutting her shirt off, fingers lightly brushing over the material of her bra. 
She held her breath when he did that, whether it was on purpose of not, the feeling it sent through her body made her want to repeatedly bash her head against a solid wall while ripping her eyes out... in a good way of course. 
Percy finally cut her shirt fully off and it just slid down her arms and bunched at the bottom, near the tree. She felt exposed and could feel the goosebumps on her exposed skin. Percy didn't waste any time and grabbed a clean towel and his water bottle.
Before he could drenched it in water, she stopped him by kicking him with her uncompromised leg to indicate he needed to stop. This instantly stopped him and caused him to look at her. 
"Give me the water bottle before you soak the towel, if the water is warm it will work better and not hurt as much so i'll just heat it up" Percy thought about it for a second before he retaliated.
"You already aren't well enough to get off the ground, how on earth are you going to make it back to camp if you drain yourself of more energy. I know its going to hurt but it will either way, but getting you back to camp is the priority at the moment" Percy didnt want to say those words to the girl, he felt so bad for her and he couldn't help but blame himself. And when he looked into her eyes, like really looked into her eyes after he said that, he wished he could take it back.
Just looking at her made him want to give into her. 
"I can take it, I promise, I'll be okay enough to get back to camp, but I'm telling you now Percy, if I feel anymore extreme pain, I will just end up passing out. Please just let me do this." she tried to move closer to the boy but forgot about the fact that she literally could not move a single inch without his help. 
This just lead the boy to wrap his arm around her back and lent her against the tree again. He looked at her with a stern look.
"Okay, you win. But you have to promise on the river Styx that you will preserve every other bit of your energy for the ride back home." 
"I swear on the River Styx that I will preserve every other bit of my energy for the ride back to camp" He gave her one last look before giving her the water bottle. She focused some most of her energy to her hands and they started to glow. She took the bottle from percy's hand and he could feel the warmth radiate off of her. 
He looked at her in awe but if anyone else was there they would have told you that the boy was love struck. She opened her eyes and made sure to not boil the water. As it was simmering, she gave the bottle back to the boy and he instantly uncapped it and poured the, now warm, water onto the towel. 
"This is going to hurt... a lot, and by a lot i mean a lot, you might want to brace yourself" the boy said as he gave his flannel back to her and some ambrosia for her to eat before they start the painful part of fixing her up.
Aurora took both and muttered a small thanks under her breath before eating the ambrosia which was very pleasant to chew and then stuffed percy's flannel in her mouth again. She felt so weird but if she didnt and someone heard her scream bloody murder, they would get caught and the police would want them... again.
His ocean blue eyes met her honey eyes and he shared a look of regret and guilt before he wiped the dried blood away, starting from the bottom of her abdomen. She instantly clenched her jaw and recoiled as agony ran through her and her hand immediately shot out to grab Percy's wrist in a painfully tight hold to stop him from further cleaning the wounds that caused her pain.
"Sunshine, I know its painful, but I have to do this, I'm going to do this as fast and gently as I can but I will have to be rough at times" he gently takes his freehand to clasp over hers and took it of him and intertwined them while speaking to her. 
In his favour, it seemed that the energy it took the girl to warm the water up finally caught up with her as her hand lost most of its grip and her eyes closed slightly. He chuckled slightly and placed her hand back down next to her before continuing what he was doing.
He carefully but efficiently cleaned the areas surrounding her wounds while she was rejuvenating. He would hear muffled noises from time to time but other than that she was essentially knocked out. As he finished she seemed to feel less tired and her eyes opened wider than they did before.
"I'm almost finished sunshine, did you like your nap?" the boy questioned with a smirk but deep down he was glad that she kept her promise and she would have enough energy to go back to camp.
The girl nodded and looked at her abdomen. It was really clean and the wounds were barely bleeding anymore but she was fucking freezing. She shivered a little bit and percy could tell instantly.
"I've just got to bandage you up then you can put a jumper on. Okay?" he reassured her while taking the sterile dressing, he placed it over the 4 slashes and began to unwrap the dressing to bandage her up.
They both soon found the position to be quite awkward. 
Percy needed to bandage her whole abdomen which needed him to wrap the dressing over her back but she was lent up against the tree without a shirt on and unable to move to do it herself. He stopped to think of a good way to do this.
"Okay, I've got it. I'll lean you up against me and bandage your abdomen from behind." The girl thought for a bit before she agreed and the boy got up so he was only seen in her peripheral vision. He hooked his arms under hers and moved her along the ground to sit inbetween his legs. The position felt very compromising for both of them but it needed to be done.
She could feel his warm breath on her cold neck and she felt the urge to pass away because if thats how she passed, she would not mind. She held her breath as Percy begun wrapping her abdomen, she could barely feel the pain cause all she could think about and feel was him.
His breath on her neck, his fingers brushing her skin, how carefully he was handling her, like she would break at the wrong touch. He was everything she wanted, everything she needed. Everything they both deserved.
He quickly finished wrapping her up and he mentally called Blackjack from where ever he was right now. Before he could move or start to get things sorted he just looked at Aurora. She was peaceful. She looked ethereal under the moonlight, though she did look better under direct sunlight.
He decided to just stay still for a bit and wrapped an arms around the girl loosely as to not injure or hurt her more. They just needed some rest, no matter how long or short it was.
Both Aurora and Percy could hear the flap of Blackjacks wings so he quickly moved the girl back to lean against the tree while he packed everything away. Not before making sure to torniquet the girls leg where the wood piece was still protruding out of it. He made the decision before to not take it out as they both did not know how severe the injury underneath it was.
Percy grabbed a warm, woolly jumper from his bag and a blanket and gave both items to the girl before zipping it up.
"I'm going to find your bag and your bracelet before we leave, and before you say anything. I'm going to call Blackjack here to be with you before I look for them" he stated as he got up.
"Thanks a lot Perce, but before you look, how am I meant to put this jumper on without raising my arms and disrupting my bandages" Percy felt like an idiot. He dropped his bag back on the ground and knelt next to her carefully putting the jumper through one arms hole, then the next, then her head through.
Percy would never admit it there and then but he always loved when the girl would wear his clothes. It sent a warm fuzzy feeling through him knowing she was wearing his clothes, especially when she was willingly wearing his clothes. 
Similarly, Aurora would never admit it there but having Percy help her get changed into his clothes and help clean her up made her fall even more in love with him if that was even possible. She felt as though she was just falling into deep pit everytime he did anything for her or even just looked her way. 
He finished by wrapping her up in the blanket and chuckled when he saw how she looked... Exactly like a burrito. 
Blackjack came down and the girls eyes instantly widened at the sight of the creature. To which the boy just smiled at. Before he left to retrieve her bag and bracelet which were very easy to find. He quickly arrived back to the girl and Pegasus and was met with an adorable sight.
The Pegasus was on the floor next to the girl and was almost hugging her with its wing. Percy didnt think he could fall in love with the girl again but she has gone and proved him wrong, like always. 
"I've got your things sunshine, and I know its going to hurt but I'm going to have to pick you up to put you on Blackjack. Is that okay?" He knelt next to her and she nodded.
He wrapped an arm around her back and one under her knees, making sure not to hit the piece of wood and picked the girl up, quite easily, bridal style. It make them both feel fuzzy and warm inside. Even blackjack could feel the warmth.
He placed her sitting on the Pegasus so she would be infront of him when he got on. He then grabbed both of their bags and got onto blackjack himself. 
"You'd normally need to hold on tight to blackjack but I'll hold you okay? Just rest" The boy whispered in her ear as he gave her a peck on her cheek while she slowly drifted off and leaned her head back onto the boy's shoulder.
"Blackjack, No crazy flying today. We aren't at war today, its a rest day. Just take us back to camp, quick but not to the point we normally fly." Blackjacks reply left Percy with pink staining his cheeks and they made their way back to camp.
______________________________________________________________
OH MY FUCKING DAYS, I AM NEVER WRITING ANYTHING THIS LONG AGAIN
(such a fucking lie)
But I have to honest, apart from the small mental breakdowns. This was really fun to write. I love these two soo much.
When I went into this, I wanted to actually get them back to camp and I wanted them to confess but it was getting tooooooo long for that so if anyone wants a part 2, I'll gladly make it. Please dont critique me too much, this is still my first imagine 😭😭😭
I LOVE YOU ALL ❤️❤️❤️
unless you piss me off
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hard-core-super-star · 2 months
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caught myself [K.Bishop]
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pairing: kate bishop x reader
summary: kate's competitiveness gets in the way of her seeing you for who you truly are.
warnings: technically none?; idiots in love; kate technically does knock R on their ass but no one gets hurt; yelena being an awful wingman; kate's sad puppy dog eyes; me feeling rusty af after writing so many serious essays
wordcount: 1.6k
a/n: me writing something else instead of focusing on the large pile of requests i still haven't gotten to? yeah, it's more likely than you think. i'll try to get into a somewhat normal posting schedule at some point if uni ever stops kicking my butt BUT FOR NOW, enjoy what was supposed to be a valentine's day special. also, don't worry, kissing in the crossfire part two WILL be happening!
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You’re not sure what’s worse, being the newest member of the Young Avengers or being the member with the most obvious crush possible. It’s like the universe didn’t think you had enough difficulties getting used to life with your new team, it also thought you needed to juggle having the biggest crush on one of your teammates simultaneously.
Because fighting criminals daily isn’t hard enough, right?
You had tried your hardest to keep your massive crush on a certain purple-loving archer a secret but your plan had gone out the window the second Yelena figured out the hidden feelings behind your lingering stares. To say she didn’t understand your fascination with Kate Bishop would be an understatement but at least she tried to help…in her own, weirdly aggressive, way.
Her help mainly included making ridiculous comments at your expense. Comments that went completely over Kate’s head every single time and only led to awkward silences and unanswerable questions.
You thought the Russian was on her way to giving up and letting you handle your love life problems on your own but of course, when has Yelena given up an opportunity to embarrass someone she cares about?
It’s exactly Yelena’s love of embarrassing you that’s forced you into a situation you wouldn’t be able to get out of if you tried: sparring with the purple archer herself.
Training in the same room as Kate is already bad enough, especially considering her habit of wearing gray sweatpants and a tight purple cropped shirt, but having to spar with her? While she looks that good? And she has that stupid smirk on her face because she knows she’s going to win?
Nothing you could do could stop you from looking like a goddamn fool.
And that’s exactly what you look like right now.
It’s not bad enough that you can’t concentrate enough to anticipate her punches, you also don’t even know where to look because all of her is so damn attractive. It’s impressive and annoying all at the same time and it’s unfortunately taking up too much of your brain space right now.
You’re acutely aware of Yelena’s disapproving looks but you’re even more aware of the constant glares Kate throws in between rapid punches. Your brain may not be working well enough for you to spar correctly but if there’s one thing you can do, it’s dodge…which only infuriates the archer.
“Will you quit moving?” She huffs, only barely stopping her lips from forming a frustrated pout.
“What else am I supposed to do? Let you punch me?” You reply.
“That’d be a good start, yeah.”
“Ladies, quit chattering!”
You know Yelena is being annoying on purpose to get on your nerves but that doesn’t stop you from turning to glare at her. Your mouth barely begins to form around the complaints you want to hurl at her when Kate takes her opportunity.
It’s technically cheating, and it’s incredibly advantageous, but she’s not thinking about any of that. All she wants is to win and she doesn’t think twice. She swipes her leg under both of yours, catching you by surprise and instantly sending you crashing down onto the hard ground.
You don’t get a second to react before the back of your head makes contact with the floor. Large black spots fill your vision as Yelena starts throwing out curses at the startled archer. You barely make out the outline of Kate’s worried face before your eyes slip shut and darkness overcomes you.
You don’t know how much time goes by, or how many times Kate gets scolded in increasingly more aggressive Russian, all you know is that when you wake up…you’re not alone.
Your first instinct when your eyes open again is to sit up but a gentle hand pushes you back down before you get too far. “Don’t try to move, you’re gonna get a killer headache. Trust me.”
“Oh, I’m supposed to trust you after you knocked me on my ass?” You huff. It makes you sound more like a kid throwing a tantrum than an angry Avenger but you don’t really care.
“We were sparring, what else was I supposed to do?”
You don't notice the small grin that accompanies her recycled words, too upset and embarrassed about getting your ass handed to you by someone who's too lost in her own world to notice how much you like her.
“What else was I supposed to do?” You mock her. “Did you try not being a jerk?”
“That’s not fair. You’re the one who ignores me all the time but I’m the jerk here?”
Her words don’t catch you as off guard as the look on her face. You’re expecting to see flashes of the arrogant archer most of your teammates claim exists behind the usual warmth Kate so easily radiates. Instead of anger or arrogance, though, you come face to face with the most overdramatic pout you’ve ever seen.
And you suddenly understand why people say there’s a fine line between love and hate. Because it would be easy to think Kate Bishop is the most annoying person in the world if you didn’t also think she’s the most adorable person you’ve ever met…despite the constant ease with which she turns everything into an argument.
“What are you even talking about?”
“You don’t like me! And you don’t even try to hide it!”
All you can do is stare at her and wonder how the world’s greatest archer also happens to be the world’s most oblivious person. “You’re an idiot, Katherine.”
Her eyebrows crinkle in disgust but you’re pretty sure it has more to do with your use of her legal first name than the insult you push her way. “You sound like my mom.”
“You’re not helping your case.”
She opens her mouth to reply in an instant, a half-formed stupid sentence already forming on the tip of her tongue. You’re expecting yet another unnecessary argument to break out. Yet another reason for you to give up on all your attempts to build a bridge of thoughtful actions and sweet words that will lead you to who Kate truly is under the mask she so effortlessly wears around everyone else.
You’ve learned to expect anything from Kate Bishop. Especially the unexpected.
“I know. I’m sorry.” She adds the tiniest smile and most awkward shrug you’ve ever seen to her soft-spoken apology.
“What did you just say?” You ask, wondering if you hit your head hard enough to be imagining this whole interaction.
“You heard me,” she replies but her tone carries more traces of embarrassment than the cockiness you’re used to. “You’re right, I’m an idiot.”
You’re left dumbstruck, waiting for the other shoe to drop. There’s no way the archer can say those words without some sort of snarky comment coming after it. So you wait. Watching her with curious eyes that only fuel the nervousness bubbling underneath her carefree posture.
It’s strange to realize how little you genuinely know about her. Having a crush on her has ironically been the easiest part of everything. Sure, it’s awkward and annoying and ridiculous but believing you understand her is easier than accepting the fact that Kate’s never let you in.
So why would she start now?
“Are you going to say something?” The subtle crack in her voice reveals the truth she’s trying to hide behind her usual smirk.
There are so many things you want to say but you’re still a little lightheaded and the sudden change in her attitude toward you isn’t helping you keep yourself in check. “I like your smile.”
“Oh.”
You could easily dismiss her reaction as indifferent if it weren’t for the pink hue emerging across her cheeks. It’s subtle and warm and…real. Like her. And it suddenly dawns on you that you’ve never seen Kate Bishop flustered before.
Especially not from one of your compliments. It’s different…and you really like it.
“Can I ask you something, Kate?”
She looks away from you for a second, almost as if she’s scared of what you might say. Of the possibilities that lie in your unspoken feelings. “Sure, yeah, go ahead.”
Your mouth begins to form one of the many questions you’ve wanted to ask the archer since you met her but then her eyes find yours again and you get a glimpse into the fear-filled storm inside their depths.
It’s subtle but the armor made from cocky grins and imperfectly timed jokes begins to crack.
Which means there’s no way you’re going to spring such a loaded question on her just yet. As much as you’d love an answer to the one thing that’s been haunting you since you realized your true feelings for her, there’s no way you’d force her when it’s clear it’s been far too long since she’s let herself be vulnerable around someone.
So, you settle for the only thing you need right now: her.
“Can you stay with me?” You do your best to ignore the warmth that spreads along your face as the words slip out of your mouth. “Yelena doesn’t have the best bedside manner.”
A beat of silence goes by before her lips form a genuine smile. “Yeah, I can do that.”
Her eyes nervously flick around the room in search of somewhere to sit. You watch her for a few seconds before putting her out of her anxious misery.
“Kate…” You trail off, doing your best to hold in your laughter as you pat the empty space beside you. “You can sit here, I won’t bite.”
Your words are all it takes for her nervousness to turn back into her usual goofiness. “Really? That’s not what I’ve heard…”
“So you do talk shit about me!”
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laaailuh · 8 months
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"I want you"🕸️🕷️
‎‎‎ㅤ
pairing: earth 42!miles x black!reader
warnings: light swearing, possessive Miles, toxic (cheating)
Summary: Despite your relationship with his friend, Miles is determined to get you in anyway possible.
a/n: Im back finally! I wanted to post something before I get caught up with school and stuff.
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“Yonna’s been passed around the whole school, i'm not tryna be one of them.”
“You can still try and get to know her?”
“Nah man, I'm good.”
“Homecoming is around the corner Miles, you need a date.
"I aint going."
Kaison shook his head in disappointment. "What do you mean your not going? What about the three girls who asked you earlier?”
Miles laughed at his response, “Not my type.”
He scoffed at him. “So who is nigga?”
Before Miles said another word, you walked up to them and embraced Kaison with a tight hug.
“Hey baby, I didn't see you in third period?”
“Shit my bad, I skipped.”
Miles couldn't help but feel a searing pang of resentment deep within as he watched his friend bask in the attention of the girl he's been wanting for months. It should’ve been him taking you out on those dates, kissing you, holding you and comforting you during your most vulnerable times. Kaison didn't deserve it, he did.
During the conversation, Miles found himself recounting every endearing detail about you that had captivated his heart in the first place. The way you styled your knotless braids, your vanilla scent that filled the hallway and the lip gloss that was always applied on your lips. He loved everything about you, all of it.
“We still hanging out after school?”
Kaison widened his eyes, as he forgot about their arrangement, “Fuck.”
“Nigga, are you serious right now?” You said with an angry tone.
“Babe, It wasn't on purpose, it slipped my mind.”
You waved your hand in annoyance. “Yeah whatever, Kaison.”
He kissed your cheek. “Don't be upset please, I’ll text you after practice okay?”
You didn't say anything to him and avoided his gaze.
Kaison then dapped up Miles and began walking to the field.
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You and Miles decided to sit on a bench outside of the school.
“You good?”
You shook your head “This is the second time he’s bailed on me this week. Fucking irritating."
“Shit I mean, have you spoken to him about how you feel?”
“Nah, haven't had the chance.”
You turned your face towards Miles and realised he was already looking at you.
It was a different type of look, one you noticed he would give you often. Kaison never looked at you like that, never. 
“Stop it Morales.”
“Stop what y/n?”
You bit the inside of your cheek “You know what you're doing.”
He smirked a little, “Nah, I dont.”
You turned your face away, breaking eye contact.
“I'm with Kaison.”
“Who said anything about him?”
You sighed, he was right. Why were you bringing him up?
“Can I ask you something?”
You shrugged, "I guess."
“If you weren't with him, would things have been different between us?”
“I….I don’t know.” You hesitated to answer his question.
“Mhm but you thought about it before, haven't you?”
“No.”
Miles scoffed at your response, “Why you tryna put on a front right now? It’s just us.”
You shook your head, “I love Kaison.”
“You dont y/n. You know he doesn't appreciate you the way you should be.”
Miles paused for a second and then spoke again “I could treat you way better and you know that I would. 
He scooted closer to you. “Look at me Ma.”
You turned your head to face him. “It's too late Miles, you were too late…”
“It ain’t though.”
You looked down at your uniform skirt, trying to wrap up what was just said to you. You did like him before Kaison but he never showed it enough for something to form.
“I can't be talking about this with you Miles.”
“Cause you feel the same way about me, right?”
“Like I said, it's too late.”
Miles then put his hand on your chin softly and kissed you. You knew you should've pulled away but you didn't. There was a yearning feeling inside of you that wanted it just as much as he did.
He gently broke the kiss and wiped off a smudge of your lipgloss from his own lips. “I want you y/n, so fucking much.”
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readingplannet · 2 months
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I was reading the comments under Bible's announcement post for '4 minutes' and while I was so excited for this project finally seeing the light of day, I was also disappointed while reading the comments.
Why are we still having discussions about top/bottom in 2024? I know a lot of BLs have made you believe that top and bottom are entire personalities but that is simply not true. They are just sexual preferences and believe it or not sexual preferences do not define someone's personality.
That is why I feel the lead pair in "Pit Babe" is so path breaking. It is a very big example that your personality does'nt define your sexual life. Whose name comes first in a ship doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything. Also "Bad Buddy" in this matter, they refused to set themselves in boxes of wife(เมีย) and husband(ผัว). It was a series that very nicely explained the stereotypes gay couples face and the stereotypes that still exist in the BL industry.
Masculine, dominant ≠ Top and Feminine, submissive ≠ Bottom always (key word being always because there are people who fit into masculine top and feminine bottom too which is perfectly fine but diversity and representation of other people in the spectrum is equally important) and that is something that needs to be understood. I don't think I could have said it better than P'Apo myself. Also more power to him because he is one of the few BL actors who I have seen openly talking about this topic.
And believe me guys someone who played Vegas doesn't need to always play roles like that, moreover we don't even know what his role and character is going to be like. This is what acting is. Don't limit actors into boxes.
youtube
P.S This top/bottom discussion really needs to go. I haven't only seen this in comment section of BL actors but also in the comment section of gay couples. If they let you in this part of their life that's okay but if they are not comfortable sharing, just let it go. It hardly matters. We need to stop seeing everything with heteronormative lenses where there has to be a female/wife (เมีย) role and a male/husband (ผัว) role in every relationship.
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