#24/7 until your heart fails you lazy fuck

[yabotherinthetrench]

#Hollow Man #movie gif #2000s movies #mine #gif #horror #sci-fi #24/7 until your heart fails you lazy fuck #hollowman

[sokka-simp]

Bakugo x stressed Reader

Drabble thing

A/N: write an indulgent fic pffffffff couldn’t be me 😳🤚🏼

N e wayz I want all of you who read this, whether you think it’s good or not, to not overwork yourself and make sure to take care of yourself 💕

These “—“ mean that the pov changed to third person Baku, so it’s like his thoughts.

this was not read through at all. Which is stressing me out but it’s fine and I don’t really have time to go over it anyway and it kinda sucks but I hope you like it 🥲

Fun fact(that is probably known by like everyone): crying releases emotion, so when you cry while being happy, sad, angry, etc. it’s because your feeling so much of that emotion, your body has to release it. Crying also release endorphins, which help ease pain.

Warnings: cussing, insecurities about body (barely mentioned)

You were very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very stressed out

You had so much work to do and it was beginning to completely take over your thoughts 24/7

You had like 8 tests the week before, which you thought were your final exams, but nooooooo the teachers decided to give you more tests scheduled next week, and those would be your finals

Not only that but you had to read an entire book and answer 5 fucking pages worth of questions

You were a good student and the idea of losing your good grades right before the semester ended...weeeellll wasn’t working well for your mental health

And you hated asking for help on assignments, it made you feel stupid and incompetent

So it’s easy to say you were so stressed you were on the verge of an anxiety attack every few hours

You were trying so hard to sit the fuck down and work on studying and your book assignments but you just couldn’t

You would stare blankly at the book or the study guide and just feel empty

Your mind went, your body felt heavy but light at the same time, tears brimmed your eyes but you just knew you couldn’t cry, even if you wanted to

You would then crawl into bed and stare at a wall until you passed, which was a huge sign that your weren’t ok because you never ever took naps, even when you tried you just couldn’t will yourself to sleep

Your movements were lagging and you couldn’t focus on training

You were distancing yourself from everyone and becoming unresponsive

You stopped eating as much, only eating dinner when your classmates forced you to

And the stress was feeding your other insecurities. You looked at yourself in the mirror and all you could was your stomache. You heard yourself on a recording when practicing for a presnetation, all you could hear was your annoying voice.

You were no longer your usual upbeat, energetic, self

You didn’t say stupid sarcastic jokes every 5 minutes

You didn’t mess around with everyone or jump on them whenever you got a random urge for affection

You didn’t laugh at everything around.

everything about you was just so off

Everyone noticed of course, but the person it affected most was your boyfriend, Katsuki Bakugo.

He just felt so concerned seeing you like that and he had no idea what at all

And we was way to nervous prideful to go up and give you straight up comfort cause he just doesn’t know how.

Emotionally inept dumbass omg 🤷‍♀️🥰

It was Thursday and you have barely even started the book you were supposed to read for Mic sensei. Usually, you would have gotten through at least half it by now, but as you sit down and look at it, still closed, you feel like you can’t read. Your mind goes empty and tired, and painful headaches begin pounding on your temples. You stare at it a few more minutes before attempting to try again with your other overwhelming work. You pull out your study guides and try to focus on them, but you just can’t. Small tears well up in your eyes as your mind told you how much of a failure you are, but they never fall. Your body seems to be permitting the tears from falling and releasing the stress you were feeling. You stare at the study guides, then the book. Study guide, book, study guide, book, study guide book, the tears still brimming your eyes. Sighing, you stand up from your desk, retreating to your bed. Crawling under the warm covers and staring at the wall, evil thoughts flooding your mind.

You’re stupid. You’re not good enough. You’re going to fail. Are going to get out of bed fucking lazy bitch. You’re not good enough. You can’t even begin to do anything. You’re worthless. You’re stupid. You’re ugly. You’re fat. You’re not worth anyone’s time. You’re not good for anyone. You’re not good enough to be dating Katsuki. You’re not worth anything at all.

You stare and stare with blank, expressionless eyes, until you fall into a restless sleep. They were filled with nightmares, people you love dying, your younger sister crashing a car, Bakugo leaving you, the bakusquad pushing you away. And you wake up hours later feeling even worse than before. You spent all your time obsessing over yourself and sleeping, you were weak. You could never be a hero. You could never be anything important.

As you sit in your bed after waking, the thoughts coming back to torment you, Mina, Bakugo and Denki come up to your room, as they have been since Tuesday when you started shutting down due to the stress. They ask you if you are alright, to which you respond with a small, unconvincing smile, and force you to come down for dinner. You sit at the table silently, so different from your normal, energized self, moving your food around your plate thoughtlessly.

—

Bakugo takes notice and immediately starts to panic. He notices that you haven’t changed since class ended yesterday, and he finally registers how bad you’re feeling this time. He feels his hands slightly trembling at the thought of you being so stressed that you can’t function properly. All he wants to do is wrap you up in his arms and force you to eat, but he can’t, not in front of all these people, so he does what he does best. He channels his fear for you into anger.

—

“You haven’t eaten at all today, have you fuckface.” Bakugo whispers to you harshly, but his voice is filled with concern that you don’t let yourself notice.

You look over to him and see his “disappointment” in you, looking over the love and concern shining in his eyes, and your mind starts up again.

See I told you would only hurt Katsuki. You’re not good enough. Can’t even take care of yourself. How are you supposed to help him grow? How are you supposed to live up to his hero expectations?

You shake your head quickly, turning back to your plate to avoid meetings his angry, disappointed eyes.

—

“Then fucking eat dumbass.” He said, his voice getting increasingly louder, causing a few classmates to look up before returning to their former conversations.

His heart hurt so much seeing you like this, your usual upbeat, fun self was replaced an unresponsive, self-degrading version of you he never wanted to meet. He isn’t good at the comfort thing, so as long as he could get you to eat, he’ll feel better.

A tear slides down your cheek before you you quickly finish the meal Momo made for the class. You then immediately excuse yourself and rush back to your dorm. Katsuki’s eyes widen and he rushes up, going to go after you, but Mina holds him back, thinking that you need a few minutes to think before he goes in. He growls before yanking away his arm and making a slow trek to your room.

—

The tears are coming down faster and all you want is to crawl into your soft, comforting bed. Opening the door, you rush into your room and flop to your bed, curling around your favorite pillow, the tears now turning into sobs. The stress is leaving your body rapidly, but not fast enough. You are shaking and can’t breath, throat restricting you from the inside. Gasping for air, you grab at your throat begging it to let a single once of air slither in. Your body flings up, putting you into a sitting position, and you begin to rock back and forth. Shivers are shaking your body, trying to release the painful emotions inside. You hear a door open, but you don’t look over. All you can focus on is trying to breath, trying to get a breath of air in before you pass out.

“Shhhh, y/n, baby, it’s me.” Someone is whispering into your ear, their lips softly brushing against it.

You feel your body become slightly less tense at the comforting words they continue to say. But then you feel their arms wrap you and it’s happening again. They’re stopping your breathing and you begin to take in rough gasps. The person immediately let’s go at your change in attitude and instead squeezes you hand and pets your hair.

“Shhh, you’re ok. I’m here. Calm down.”

Your shaking becomes much slower.

“I’m here baby, I’m not going anywhere. Just breath, listen to me breath and do that for it.”

You lean into their touch, still gasping for air, one hand still on your neck, but you recognize the rough voice and caramel smell and can’t resist, even if you feel like you can’t breathe ever again.

“There you go, calm down. Y/n, I love you. It’s ok.”

You get in a breath, small but enough to calm you down more.

“Good job baby, in and out.”

Your breaths become more frequent and you feel Bakugo hesitantly put his arms around you. You sink into them and breath in his caramel scent, breathing becoming easier and easier again.

“I-I’m so sorry Katsu.” You cry out af the regaining your breath. You push to ur face into his chest and he pulls you into his lap. You hands move to his shirt and your squeezing the fabric.

“Why are you apologizing du-y/n?” He says annoyed, but blushing at the way your holding into him.

“I-“ a sob-induced hiccup floats passed you lips. “I’m not good enough for you. I’m weak and I can’t do anything right. I’m so sorry.” the words leave your mouth before you can think about them. You would never say something like that, hating sounding vulnerable or self-pitying, but right now you couldn’t stop the words from leaving your mouth.

—

Bakugo tenses up as the word leave your mouth. Not good enough for him, no he’s not good enough for you. The funny, smart, strong, kind-hearted y/n. His grip around you tightens in anger at how you decrease yourself.

“Shut the fuck up y/n, you’re perfect. We both know I wouldn’t have a problem telling you otherwise. I fucking love you, got that?” He growls out, his voice tight with repressed tears. He waits for your response but you say nothing. “Oi, answer me.”

You nod into his chest and and the tears slow. You stay like that, you tightly in his lap while he rubs slow circles on your back. He plays with your hair gently and never speaks, knowing that it’s not what was needed right now. He looks over and realizes that it’s already 9:14. Leans back slowly, still holding onto you, and flattens out. You squirm from his lap and instead nuzzle into his side.

“Goodnight dumbass.” He whispers into your head as he goes down to give you a kiss to the forehead.

“G’night Katsu.” You mutter back, into his arm.

“Oi, I’m gonna help you with your work tomorrow, got it.

You tense up slightly, before leaning back into him.

“Ok, Suki” you say, no fight leaving your mouth, seeing no reason to ruin a moment like this, ...and knowing that you needed someone to motivate you.

You both fall asleep cuddled up, and you finally rest without a single stress-induced nightmare.

A/N: ngl this is bad buuuut I want it because I’m stressed as fuck and need it soooo

The ending is trash

But like sorry for real because it kinda sucks a lot 🥲

#katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #I’m sorry if it’s not good enough for my blog #bakugo katsuki #mha bakugou #bakugo x you #should I delete it???? #bakugo x reader #bnha bakugou #bnha bakugo #mha bakugo #this is so bad #katsuki x reader #katsuki x you #bakugo x y/n #bakugou x y/n #bakugo fluff #this is like really weird POV #bakugou fluff #bakugou x reader #katsuki x y/n #shit writing #totally not self indulgent #😳🤚🏼 #Bakugo x stressed reader #bakugou x stressed reader #literally posting this with no hopes for it whatsoever

[babybottlepop96]

Always: Shikamaru x Reader

Warnings: death, sadness, fluffy shit.

A/N: this one is about 2.2k words, it kinda got away from me lol enjoy and request!

Being Naruto Uzumaki's fraternal twin sister had its perks. I mean, the excessive amount of friends, ramen 24/7, always having a best friend that would be there for me and have my back no matter what but would also put me in my place if he had too. Being born five minutes after the infamous jinjuriki he was also so protective. Threatening any guy that would just have the nerve to flirt with me, the sister of the future Hokage.

We only had each other for so long, sure, our relationship took a bad turn for a while. While he was usually ignored and looked at as a monster, I didn't get the kind of treatment. Being the "normal" one of the twins, I was treated with more respect because I didn't have a tailed beast to host. I always felt awful for that and no matter how many times I stood up for my brother, he refused to accept my sympathy. The Chunin Exams came and went when he finally came to me after a few weeks of ignoring me. It was after Saskue had left and he was a mess. He cried into my shoulder and told me he was sorry. I just held him close and told him that I was never mad at him. I could never bead at him for how he felt about everything. It was unfair to him to be treated that badly, unfair that he had no say in being a host and I told him that he was so strong and had such a kind heart and people would eventually see that. I mean, they had to right? He was going to be the future Hokage.

When he left for those years with Jiryia, it was hard. It was like half of me was missing and I felt kind of lost without him. While he was out training, I had passed the Chunin and the Jonin exams. I was so proud of myself, but it would've felt even better if my twin was with me. 

When he came home, I wasn't there to greet him. I was on business with the Kazekage. Gaara became a close friend, he accepted my friendship because he felt like he could trust me. He became like a little brother. And then everything happened with the Akatsuki and I ended up losing an arm trying to save a few children from a clay bomb. I laid in one of the beds while everyone was trying to get Gaara back and I felt like I failed. I was a fucking Jonin for kage sake and I couldn't protect or retrieve Gaara. It hit me hard.

When Temari, Sakura, Kakashi and Naruto arrived, they went straight to Kankauro. That poor boy was in such pain from the poison, it hurt my heart when I heard him scream from the extraction. I was so focused on not paying attention I hadn't realized Naruto had made his way over to me and held my left hand. Once I felt his hand touch mine, my eyes flew open and he had tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, (y/n)! I should've been here to protect you! I failed and I'm so sorry you got hurt." He his head dropped to the side of the bed and cried.

"Hey, hey it's okay Naruto. This shit happens you know that. And it is not your fault, okay? You had to go and train. This was just a mission that turned wrong. But you're here now! And I just know you're going to go after Gaara and bring him home. And I'll be rooting for your success.. believe it!" I smiled, small tear trails staining my own cheeks. He looked at me and gave a small smile.

After everything that happened at the sand and Gaara's return home, no longer a host for the one tail, things seemed to go somewhat better. I got a fake arm that works well with my chakra and I had been training non stop with all my friends. But I mostly spent time with one particular ninja the most. A cute, lazy Pineapple haired Nara. You see, Shikamaru and I had been close and dating for about a year at this point. We never particularly told anyone, but people seemed to know. Well, all except Naruto. He was so oblivious to it all, he didn't realize how close Shika and I were until Pein attacked the Hidden Leaf. So, that's where I'll begin this little tale.

~~~~~~~

"Shit shit shit!" I was running around trying to get civilians to safety, grabbing children and pushing other civilians towards the Hokage head mountain. A building was starting to crumble and fire and explosions were coming from everywhere it seemed. Once I felt like I got everyone I could I ran back to where the main event was happening. Thankfully Naruto wasn't here, I wouldn't even begin to imagine what they would do if they had captured him. I mean, they killed Gaara, but Lady Chio had that special secret jutsu that she took to the grave. I couldn't bear to lose my brother. 

To fight was lasting so long, there was no way to tell when it would all be over. I was separated from Choji, Ino and Shikamaru when everything began. The three started fighting while I helped get the civilians to safety, but I knew they had to be around here. Alive. They just had to be. Things were seemingly going fine until I heard a small child scream. I snapped my head to the sound so fast I swore I got whiplash. A small girl was cowering against a wooden wall, the enemy heading toward her. I ran as fast as I could and snatched the girl away. I tossed her to the side gently and told her to run. She just looked at me, her big brown eyes filled with tears and a worried look on her face. "It's okay, you go to the mountains and find your family. Okay? Go!" She nodded and took off. I fought off the enemy for as long as I could. My chakra was running extremely low, so low that I wasn't able to dodge the wooden spear that came hurtling towards me. It went straight through my chest, pinning against the wooden wall behind me. I coughed up blood and my vision started to go a bit fuzzy.

"Your time is now over. You were a decent Shinoni, but you were still weak." The enemy spat out. I didn't say anything as I clutched the wooden spear that pinned me to the wall, trying to take in air. It felt like I was drowning, I could feel my lungs filling with blood and tears start to run down my face. I would never see my friends again, see my brothers happy go lucky smile while down bowl after bowl of ramen. I would never be able to Shika that I loved him. Everything was fading to black, my head dropped and my arms went limp by my side.

I woke up in a dark place, no longer in pain. I was dead. "Hello little one." A voice spoke and I looked around to see a small light. I ran towards it, hoping maybe I'd wake up for real and I was alive and well. That this was just a sick dream or a gentusu. But what I saw when I reached the light was unbelievable. I saw the fourth Hokage with a woman with red hair. 

"Welcome, (y/n)." The woman came over to me and gave me a hug. "I'm your mom." She whispered in my ear and turned to the man. "And that's your dad." To say I was crying was an understatement. There was a river flow of salty tears streaming down my face as I hugged them both. 

NARUTO'S POV

I ran back towards the village at full speed, I just had to get back. I had to protect my friends and mentors. I had to protect (y/n). I saw the massive crater when I returned to what was supposed to be my village. Injured and dead ninja and civilians alike were being gathered in a clearing. I ran ahead, I had to find them, I had to find everyone. I spotted Sakura first and ran towards her, "Sakura!" She turned her head, tears running down her face and I stopped in front of her. "Where is everyone?" She pointed to our group of friends, everyone is there except for Kakashi-Sensei and my sister. "S-Sakura? Where… where is Kakashi and (y/n)?" She sobbed louder which caused all of our friends to look over. I walked towards them and the moment I spotted Shikamaru on the ground holding someone, sobbing, I froze. I knelt down and looked over him. He was holding my sister, cradling her head in his lap. Her body was paler than normal against the red stain on her shirt. I didn't move, I didn't cry, I just stared, not convinced that she was actually gone. After a few moments I got up and made my way towards the true enemy.

"N-Naruto? Where are you going?" Sakura asked me, her voice meek and breaking.

"To end this."

SHIKAMARU'S POV

The enemy had retreated for a bit, allowing us to gather our injured and deceased. I was frantically looking for (y/n) I had to make sure she was okay. "(Y/n)!!" I heard Ino yell from behind me. I ran towards her voice as fast as I could. Once I reached her, my blood ran cold. There she was, the one that I truly cared about and loved, pinned against a wall, spear straight through the chest. I tentatively reached out and touched her and my instantly moved back as I felt her cold, stiff, lifeless body. I stood frozen. The rationalist inside me was gone and I then pulled the spear from her form and caught her in my arms and she limply fell. The cry that ripped from my throat was inhuman, angry and broken. I fell to the ground holding her close to my chest. "W-wake up, please!" I cried even harder knowing it was useless. She was already gone. Passed onto the afterlife while I was here to deal with the heartbreak. The pain. I knew this love thing was a drag, but I endured it for her. She made my days brighter, the sun burn hotter, she made everyday so much better. 

"Sh-Shika? W-we should get her to the others." Ino whispered, scared her own voice would break, as she gently put a hand on my shoulder. All I could manage was a small nod and tried to suppress my cries. I carried her to where everyone was putting the deceased and all our friends stood there with wide eyes and I carried their closest friend in my arms. Everyone was shocked, too stunned to say anything as I put (y/n) on the ground. But I still cradle her head in my lap, I couldn't let her go just yet. The tears still slipping down my cheeks were enough for everyone to know this was real. When Naruto showed up I sobbed, he was just in shock as the rest of us. When he left to go confront the real Pein, none of us stopped him. If anyone could end this. He could.

YOUR POV

Talking to my parents had been the most calming time of my life. Well, afterlife. They told me stories about what it was like before they died, how Kakashi was like another son to him. How they never wanted Naruto to host the nine tails. I told them how life was growing up, how I was dating Shikamaru and my dad gave me a whole lecture on safe sex, even though I was dead and I wouldn't have to worry about any of that. Well, until I started to glow. "Looks like you still have a full life to live my sweet." My mother smiled and I looked at them with a smile and tears in my eyes.

"I love you both." I said as I faded back into the darkness. This time though, when I opened my eyes I saw a face I never thought I'd be able to see again. "Shika?" His eyes snapped open and he stared down at me, his eyes wide and mouth open. He stared at me for a moment, not believing what he was seeing. His dead girlfriend, breathing. Alive.he held me so close to his chest and sobbed even louder. Ino and Choji were all giving him sad looks until they saw my arms wrap around his neck and held him closer.

"OH SHIT!" Choji yelled as the other dead bodies were coming back from death. I sat up slowly and grabbed Shikamaru's face and kissed him. I kissed him like it would be the last time I ever would. 

"I… I thought I lost you for good this time." He spoke softly.

"I will always come back for you." I smiled at him, tear glazed eyes staring into his own. "Always." We kissed again, pulling each other close. We stayed like that for a moment until we heard a certain obnoxious blonde yelling at us.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?! SHIKAMARU THAT'S MY SISTER! WHEN THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!" Causing everyone to let out a laugh. Resting his forehead on mine Shikamaru spoke quietly. "I love you."

"I love you too, Shika. I love you too."

#shikamaru nara x reader #naruto #choji akimichi #sakura #ino #fluff fluff fluff #death #sad

[thetrashywritingwitch]

Valentines Headcanons

Kirishima:

This boy’s definition of romance and romantic gestures come straight from TV and comic books, which obviously aren’t always realistic

He isn’t the most observant guy around and sometimes starts to zone out if something or someones doesn’t have his full, undivided attention

He’s never shared Valentine’s day with someone before, but as soon as he hears you talking about the date coming up he has a momentary internal freakout: oh, man! What am I gonna get ‘em?!

Desperate to make his first Valentine’s day memorable, he actually dedicates more time to making a list brainstorming ideas than he does studying, much to the detriment of his grades and Bakugou who whacks him on the head every time he fucks up a math problem during tutoring sessions

Because of his media exposure, he goes to all the very generic gifts first: flowers, chocolates, anything heart-shaped, a card from the store, etc. It always works in the shows, so why wouldn’t it work now? You’ll love ‘em!

However, while he’s in line at the store with his arms full, he overhears a conversation from some other customers: “no way am I buying this junk. It’s garbage. Nah, man, you gotta make something, personalize it, show ‘em that they’re more special than anything you can just easily buy in a store.”

He looks down at the stuff in his arms and groans: of course, this always works in the movies! They’re written to work! Duh! He stuffs everything back on the shelves before running around the store for brand new things

He’s literally working until the day before Valentine’s to get everything ready. His room is covered in scraps of paper, failed experiments, and a crushed stress ball he used his quirk on when he started to panic that he’d messed up everything and you’d hate it all

Surprising you first thing the next morning despite his exhaustion and messy bed head, he knocks on your dorm room door. “Happy Valentine’s Day, y/n! I just couldn’t wait, sorry. I hope you like your gifts...” and he shoves a bag in your general direction

He loves your gifts, of course, but waits with baited breath for your reaction to his... and every time you open a new thing, you give him and kiss with he melts to

“Kirishima! All your gifts...did you make all this?!” When he nods you just tackle him with a giant hug and it makes all the effort worth it

Bakugou:

This tsundere idiot thinks Valentines and most corporate-created holidays are pretty stupid. “They just want your damn money; suckers will do anything if a commercial tells them to do it.”

As a result, he hasn’t paid much attention to Valentine’s day. He knows what it entails and the typical gifts you’re supposed to buy...HOWEVER

He isn’t dumb enough to think getting you nothing is the right way to go. Plus, he is driven by one single thought 24/7: be the damn best at everything, and that includes being the best boyfriend

He’s no slacker when it comes to making sure you’re happy even if he fucks things up along the way. He’s learned a lot about patience and the give and take that comes with making a relationship work

Suited up with a plan to give you “the best damn Valentines of your entire life” he goes to the store with a list of everything he needs

Literally laughs at all the “dumb lazy guys” buying flowers and chocolates and jewelry

Only people who know him well and are around him often know that Bakugou is actually a good cook - and he secretly enjoys it

Romantic dinner with all of your favorites? Check. Suited up with a recipe for a cake he got from Sato? Check.

The one thing he’s actually bad with is words of all things. So, he sort of...cheats a bit, in his mind anyway. He reads through a handful of Valentine’s cards, suffering through the cliche sappy messages written on the inside to help him string together something from his own head that doesn’t sound stupid

No matter what, though, he’s determined to make it all memorable and to show up everyone else with their dumb, store-bought gifts

When the Day arrives, he’s almost... hurt, in a way? Apparently, you thought he wasn’t going to get you anyway at all. “Well, you thought it was a dumb holiday, so what else was I supposed to think?”

Makes him realize that maybe, just maybe, he needs to think before he talks shit about every damn thing. But you should also know not to take him super seriously by now

You did get him something, at least. You aren’t the best cook, but you’re more creative than he is and he appreciates everything you give him

You love the cake and food he made you and every compliment you give made his ego grow ten sizes that day <3

Uraraka:

She’s a bit of a hopeless romantic and has always enjoyed watching romantic comedies and those types of movies. She always wanted to fall in love but gets horribly embarrassed anytime she even thinks about it

When she finally enters into a relationship, she’s worried that she isn’t good enough, will mess it up, or even that she can’t afford nice gifts or anything for you since she doesn’t have that much money

When Valentine’s day comes closer, she wants to prove how much she cares and appreciates you, but isn’t really sure how

Jewelry? too expensive. Fancy chocolate? too expensive! She isn’t the most creative or crafty person, either, so it starts to stress her out even though she knows you aren’t shallow enough to judge her on the quality of gift(s)

She ends up going to her friends for advice aka begging “PLEASE HELP I NEEEEED HELP!!” cue Ashido the queen of gifts to the rescue

She makes the suggestion of going to thrift stores or yard sales to find gift ideas and to write down everything she knows about you that you like: fav color, food, games, shows, anything to make it personal

The very next day, she manages to find a stuffed animal that smells like chocolate still with the tags on it! “one person’s breakup is another person’s treasure”

She also finds an empty glass jar and gets a brilliant idea. Borrowing some scissors and construction paper, she writes down everything she likes about you on the strips of paper and puts them into the Love Jar

“I know it’s not much... but I hope you like it anyway” her face is red and she’s practically floating as she gives you the gifts

You love the stuffed animal but it’s the Love Jar that steals the show. You go through about six strips of paper before you just start bawling. “This is...so sweet!!” and just smother her in affection for the rest of the day

Yaomomo:

Momo is, despite trying not to come off this way, a bit materialistic. She buys designer clothes, goes to eat at fancy restaurants, and doesn’t really have a problem spending a lot of money on her or other people

So for her, the main point of Valentine’s is to make it memorable in the only way she knows how: with extravagance

She has a detailed list of all your favorite spots and food and even things you dislike. There’s a plan in place at least a month in advance so she can make all the proper reservations

You always tell her that she doesn’t need to spend so much money on you, but she considers it “the bare minimum compensation for thanking you for being such a wonderful partner” and it always makes you blush

She makes a reservation at this very upscale restaurant where most of the patrons are older business men with clients but they have this one appetizer dish you love and this fancy dessert that you both can share. They also have a wide assortment of tea for her preferences

She rents a horsedrawn carriage for a ride around the park like Cinderella’s carriage

Flowers, chocolates, a new outfit, she goes ALL OUT spoiling you even if she knows you’ll get onto her later about it

“Momo...?! Wh- this is so much you didn’t have to do all this! I can’t compete...”

A little smooch on the cheek shuts you up. “We aren’t competing, dear. I offer what I have freely, not out of obligation to match it. We’re sharing experiences and making memories and that’s the most important thing”

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha imagines #bnha imagines blog #mha imagines #mha imagines blog #boku no hero x reader #my hero academia x reader #kirishima x reader #bakugou x reader #uraraka x reader #yaomomo x reader

[ketsuyuki-hibana-typed]

Shinazugawa Sanemi x Reader (Modern Domestic AU) (NSFWish warning)

300 followers hc!!!

Oh My, 300 followers!!! Yaaaaaay!!!! Thank you! Thank you so much, I'm really grateful that I got so many loves and supports from you all! I like the enthusiasms in my askbox, and I really appreciated it from my deepest heart!! I always read your replies and gaaaahhh it always made me happy!! 💮🌸🌺

Warning: Sexual abuse on train, and Trauma

You worked at laboratorium and Sanemi is a math teacher.

Sanemi will wake up first in the morning.

He glanced at your side, you still sleep peacefully. He stroke your hair one or two times and scratched his tummy while yawning. He went to the bathroom.

After some push-ups and sit-ups, he will back with full consciousness and energy

Ready to torture you.

"Wake up." He slapped your arm.

"Wake up." One poke on cheek

"Wake up, dummy." Two poke on cheek.

You groaned and covered yourself with blanket. "Shut up."

"Get rekt you little shit" He pulled out your blanket and started to tickling you

You were a little bit agitated but eventually laugh and beg for your mercy

Both of you fell down from the bed, but he put his palm under your head on time, so you didn't hit the floor

"Sanemi, that's dangerous!"

"Haha, nope." He bites your nose and stood up. "Morning, ugly."

"SANEMI!!!!"

After getting ready on your work suit, you cooked breakfast for both of you and Genya. Nothing really special, just some bread with sunny side on top

But for Sanemi, peeking you with your apron from his newspaper is a blessing in the morning.

"Morning, Nee-san, Aniki."

"Morning, Genya." He helped you pouring coffees. "You have exam today right?"

"Yeah." He grabbed the bread and put them on his mouth, about to dashed out. You hold his shoulder

"Ah, no running while eating. Sit down." Genya hesitated a bit but eventually sit down with Sanemi too. "Hm~ good boy." You patted his head

He blushed and chewed his bread fast before Sanemi noticed.

After Genya went to school, Sanemi and you finally finished the breakfast.

"Why don't you drop him off at school? Both of you work and study in the same place." You said as you locked out the door.

"Nah, he doesn't want to."

"Really? It must be fun if three of us went together."

You hopped into his car.

Sanemi won't let you go to work by train

Because one time, there was incident

You insisted to take the train. He was a little bit hesitating but eventually went with you too

It was really cramped, both of you didn't have choice but to stand. Sanemi nagged while grabbing your hand but his handgrip was slipped off, he seems didn't realize it yet. Now, you were behind him and faced his back with some distance aparting you.

That's okay, you thought. I'll reach him when we arrive to the next station.

Suddenly, a strange hand poked your back, stroking and touching you. That someone dragged his fingers down to your hip. You flinched

'Molester?!" You were panicked but didn't say or do anything. 'But... I'm wearing long skirt and it's not even tight today... So why..."

You tried to distance yourself with that somebody behind you by stepping forward a little, but it's too cramped.

No one seems noticed. You just want to cry

"Sa.." You tried to call Sanemi with your squeaky voice. "Ne..Mi... Help..."

Of course, he didn't hear that.

The molester continued his act and started groping your ass. Something risen and wet even poked your hip.

You felt disgusted but still froze on your stand, too scared to scream. 'Please, please no. Sanemi, please help me.' You squeezed your bag and looked down.

Meanwhile, the train almost arrived at next station. Sanemi felt like something missing from his hand and looked back

"Hey-"

He finally saw you.

Your body trembled, your face was red and tears started to accumulated on your eyes.

Your eyes finally met his. You moved your lips

"Sane... Mi.... Help..."

Something burning inside his body. He bursted in to your place, didn't care if people groaned angrily when he accidentally stepped their shoes

"FUCK YOU!"

He punched that guy right in the face. He even didn't give that guy rest or pulled his pants for awhile. He didn't care and beat him mercilessly

"Sanemi, Stop!! He will die!" You pulled his shirt but he seems didn't want to listen to you

"Hey! What are you doing there!!" The train officer suddenly came from afar.

The automatic door train opened.

"Hehe, next time." This fucking molester didn't regret his action.

Sanemi kicked his face once again and pulled your hand, getting out from there. Both of you ran from the station.

You stopped on a park.

"Sanemi... I'm sorry... I didn't-"

"Show me your back." You turned around.

There is a white stain on your skirt

"Fuck..." He wiped your lower hip with wet handkerchief. He took off his jacket, knelt down and wrapped it around your hip

"Sanemi."

"What? Did something hurt? Did he-"

You suddenly let out fat tears streaming down your face. You never felt disgusted for your entire life. Sanemi must be so upset.

"I'm scared, I'm sorry I didn't do nothing, I'm sorry if I-"

"It's okay, I'm here. You don't have to say sorry." He hugged you, gently caressed your back and kissed your cheek. "I promise there will be no 'next time'." He gritted his teeth. Until today, he always thought that he failed to protect you.

That's why, he will drive you up to place you wanted to go. No matter how busy he is, he'll try to drop and pick you up. Or at least, took taxi.

When you arrived, you will arrange his necktie before went off because he's so damn suck at it.

"Ok, handsome. You're good to go."

"Hey." He holds your arm. "Don't overdo your work. Call me at lunch."

"Will do!" You patted his head.

"Oi, I did my hair for hours."

"Haha, okay, sorry." You waved your hands. "Bye-bye!"

He secretly likes his 'now-kinda-messy' hair, and lets it be until he arrived at school

When he stressed out and angry at his workplace, he will sit at his table, and listen to your recorded voice (He secretly recorded it lol)

"Ok, guess what I draw on your back. Hehe. Nope, that's not it. I write 'I like you'."

"Nemi!" (Fyi, the only peope who could called him like this are you and Genya)

"Sa! Ne! Mi!"

"Sanemi. Hehehe, nothing! Just calling you"

This fucker of you will smile so bright, the teacher room blinded by the lights.

You called him on lunch, and praised the food he made for both of you.

"But why do you put the carrot again."

"In this house, we didn't acknowledge a picky eater."

The students were shocked to death when they found that killer teacher has wife.

"What?! That Shinazugawa-sensei? Really?! wtf this world gonna end soon."

"...but the real question is, did he called her dumb and started to throwing chalk when she can't answer his math question or what."

Okay, did he?

Yes, he did. Except the chalk part, it replaced with "Pinched her cheek"

"THIS IS BASIC MATH. YOU ARE A RESEARCHER!!"

"I DON'T KNOW! IT'S NOT MY PART AND IT'S ALMOST 5 YEARS AGO, WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING FROM ME?!"

He taught you how to do two math questions while you're about to cry and sniffled, that your tears started to wet your paper.

"All I ask is you're helping me to solve my work... *sobs*"

Both of you basically 'Genya Protecting Squad'

Random People: *complaining about his scary face and hair*

Both of you: DID YOU JUST TALK SHIT TO MY BROTHER?

When it's cold, he likes to make you sit on his lap and.... Err... Put his hand inside your shirt and groping your boobs

"...what are you doing."

"My hands are cold."

"There's heater."

"No, the sensation is different."

Revision, both of you are pervert

You get into his shirt and stick your cheek onto his bare chest while tapping his abs

You: *inhales* WALKING BARA TIDDIES

Him: I am what?

When you're sick because of overworking, he's the one who took care of you. He will 'guard' you 24/7 and will always ready in any case if you need him. Plus the scolding level will increase.

"Say aaah." He pushed a spoonful of soup he made to your lips. You shook your head and pushed back his hand. You sniffled, and coughed. You could feel your sore throat

"I'm sorry, but I can't-"

"Eat." He ordered you. You sniffled once again and make sad puppy face.

Not effective

"Look." He came closer to your face and sticked his forehead onto yours. "I won't leave until you eat this."

Your phone was ringing, it was from your boss. You are about to take the the call, but Sanemi turned off your smartphone.

"Rest." You pouted. "What's with that attitude." He frowned. Like it or not, you finally received his food

"Good girl." He caressed your cooling-pad on your forehead. Your half opened eyes-lid seems so weak, you just put your chin on his hand and mewled like a cat

CUTE SO CUTE, Sanemi holds his chest and hurriedly took a photo.

On day off, you usually went together to movies, parks, mall, book store, aquariums, etc. But mostly, you will invite Genya to go with you two

He didn't mind if you walked beside or in front/behind him on ordinary walking or shopping. He simply hold your hand when you walked beside him

When you walked in front of him, he could fully look at your figure, while you busy to look at behind for some time, in case he stopped

And it's cute because you look like a chick looking for its mother

Or, when you walked behind him, you grabbed his shirt or jacket fabric, afraid if you lose him

And it's.. still so fucking cute

This is funny, but you and Sanemi often showing disgusted face and judging when both of you saw an over limit lovey dovey couple

Random people you met on the way (especially waitress or shopkeepers) sometimes saying words like, "Is your boyfriend a model?"

You shook your head. "Ah, no. He's math teacher."

"And let me correct you." He suddenly popped out. "She's my ex."

You sighed. "Stop telling people I'm your ex." You smiled towards that person. "I'm his wife."

Or if Sanemi was lazy, both of you will stay in the house, being lazy all day. Sometimes you made Ohagi or he invited you to play UNO cards

"If you lose, you had to say goodbye to your favourite hoodie." You smirked while shuffling the cards,

"Fair enough." He calmly took the cards while chewing Ohagi. "If you lose, you had to wear that wireless vibra-"

"ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION!"

He tend to kiss you on the lips deeply in a long time. No desire. Just simply a gesture of loving you.

Or kiss you quickly while throwing cheesy lines while doing Kabedon

He will make sudden move when you were casually walked in the house and BAM! His hand slapped on the wall, right beside your ear. He lets his two or three front-button opened

"Hello, single." He looked at your eyes and gave you a quick kiss on your lips, sticking his forehead onto yours

"What is it now?" You sighed.

"I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty good with numbers. Tell you what, give me yours and watch what I can do with it."

"You are basically math teacher, Sanemi. And you know what?"

"What?"

"Are you my math homework? You seem hard and ready to be done on my desk."

And that's when he loses it and you already know what happens next

He first discovered things called menstruation when he accidentally spotted tampons on the table

"What is this?"

"AAAAAHHHH WAIT WAIT" You snatch that thing from his hand.

"??? What is that?"

"You- you don't know? It's for girls! On- on period!"

"What is period?"

"....are you even science."

You explained him about 'red day' and he nodded.

"Did it hurt your stomach? Because it's bleeding."

"Yeah, sometimes."

"You need warm tea?"

"Um, prob-"

"Is there anything that could reduce the pain?"

"I tend to-"

"Wait, lemme Google this."

After that, he treated you like a princess everytime you had period.

You usually went for coffees in the evening with him after works. Both of you like to sit together while telling each other stories even opinions

And you will never make up your mind for the coffees. So he usually took the role.

"Uh, I- I'll take-"

"I'll take Quad, Venti, 2 pumps, breve, extra-hot, no-whip, Toasted White Mocha. And she will take Solo, 1-pump, whole milk, light ice, Caramel Brulée Latte."

You just stand there like a dumb person

After coffees, both of you will shop together for dinner. He usually the one who decided the food.

"Kare, but I'm tired."

"I'll be the one who cook then."

"Hm, maybe... Shirt and apron only will be good on-"

"SHUT UP."

Three of you will eat together on the dinner table. Genya loves your food, so he usually gave his bowl to you and asked for seconds.

Sometimes bathe together. You will scrub his back. He likes it when both of you dipped in bathtub and with you laid your back on his chest.

"I don't like your panda eyes." You looked up and poked his cheek.

"Don't mind that."

"I DO mind."

So after bathe, you will put Aloe Vera sheet-mask on his under eyes. He didn't really like it at first, but after you put off his mask, his face became relaxing and he liked it.

Both of you tend to go to your shared bedroom first than Genya, because he still wanted to watch TV.

"Sanemi, you haven't sleep yet?"

When you about to pulled your blanket, you saw him with his anti-radiation eyeglasses, still facing his laptop.

"No. Go first." Your eyes are settled at his cup

"Stop the caffeine, I'll make you tea."

You get up and go to the kitchen. You found Genya asleep on the couch.

You turned off the TV and woke Genya from his sleep, telling him to move to his room.

You came back to your room with two cups of Darjeeling tea and some cookies, putting the tray beside him

You opened a novel book and put your head on his shoulder

You didn't say anything but humming a slow song beside him.

And sometimes, if he knew the song, he will hum together with you.

You stayed with him until he finished, no matter how much hours he spended on his works.

"It's strange."

Both of you now under the blanket, intertwined your fingers and facing each other

"What is it?"

"I never dream of living with wife before, I always thought I'll just live with Genya, and being single for the rest of my life."

You chuckled. "Me too, never thought someone really picked me up because I'm a potato."

"Dummy." He kissed your forehead and nuzzled his nose on your neck.

"Sweet dreams."

#demon slayer sanemi #demon slayer #kimetsu anime #kny sanemi #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba sanemi #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #kimetsu no yaiba imagines #kny imagine #kny x reader #kny #kny imagines #sanemi shinazugawa x reader #sanemi shinazugawa #shinazugawa sanemi x reader #shinazugawa sanemi #shinazugawa sanemi x s/o #sanemi x reader #citruish #special followers

[glamzerypink]

sick of being sick and dealing with a doctor who is a prick.

i hate having hyper mobility syndrome. you literally dont get help for it. you get semi diagnosed with what they think is going on and dismiss everything you say. they barely educate patients because they dont know themselves. theres a condition named EDS which is didnt know about until years later which explains how i feel ten times more then the hypermobility diagnoseses. then i discover theres a hypermobile type and various others that are sometimes even fatal. yet my doctor just said i need physio. i wasnt checked for fucking anything! when i complained i was only tested for stuff normal people have.  sore bowels - must be your diet feeling chronically fatigued? - you need more sleep sore joints? you must not exercise or something? dislocations? youre not doing enough physio therapy cant eat? maybe your lactose intolerant or something.. lets look into these. Completely missing the overall issue that is causing it all, a lack or deformity of collagen in my chromosome. My connective tissue is like gum and once it gets pulled i cant tighten them, this is what happens when the joints move. they move so much over time its a floppy mess filled with ache and pain. The human body has 360 joints. i am effected everywhere all day every day, i do not get a day off i do not feel a sense of relaxation like i once did. my whole life was turned upside down and the only person who was truly going through it with me was my poor mum who also hadnt a clue what was happening to me.  my childhood i was a crazy kid, i used to be the most daring things and be super active. i loved sport and adventure. i always wondered how old people had no energy and what that would feel like not realising years later id be feeling chronic pain 24/7. i over worked myself a lot. in highschool i worked after school and the entire weekend for two years. if i wasnt at work i was studying at school or doing sport. if i had work off i would play basketball. i would miss meals to go see friends and catch up with them and i never stopped for anyone. i felt like my life was a big flip when i became weaker and weaker. my mind still obessed with getting on with life but my body attached to the bed. 

no one has ever learnt what that was like for me. i was so confused. i remeber the day i woke up and was getting ready for school i felt sick but ignored it. i then walked to my dresser and began peeing myself. i tried to clean it up and continue like nothing happened. i then brushed my hair and it felt like a bag of sugar in my hand. i sometimes laid down and brushed my hair on my back. my bowel movements made me feel like i needed to go all the time and i felt very sick. i began sleeping a lot. like a lot. id get home and wait for dinner and fall asleep to TV. id have long days then sleep for 14 hours without fail. 

but everyone around me just thought i was sick and would get better. i had arguments with my mum about being pregnant and with my teachers because i said i felt sick so much and especially in the mornings. id suffer a gag reflux and a sore digestion. no one understood.  id have good days and bad days and i would confuse people around me. id get so hot id pour bottles of water over me. i would have issues with stairs, opening bottles and cans, lifting my plate, cooking, going to the bathroom, driving, moving in bed, sleeping, eating and literally everything. i dont remember what its like to not be in constant pain. i have been adapting to this pain since i was 14 and i am now 21. i am sick of doctors not listening to me

i want to tell you if you got this far that you are very valid in what you want to say to a doctor. that what you think happening is vital to finding out. without you their wouldnt be an issue. i encourage people to look into things themselves with an open mind and discuss these thoughts and findings with your doctor. i have spent a lot of time and money dealing with doctors who treat me the same as an abled person and forget i have a connective tissue disorder that effects my entire body functioning. doctors will say hello and not even look at your history. you need to educate them on your specific needs and be firm. i was always so stupid letting my doctor convince me it was because of my diet or drinking alcohol when really he was too lazy to refer me. he told me “listen there are people in the waiting room and i need to type this up, i dont want to do this now” he said he would do it in the weekend and ignored all my calls and opinions. he told me nothing was wrong. i have now found a new doctor in the same clinic and he has pushed for me to get a colonoscophy. im so excited and nervous. what annoys me is if my doctor educated himself on my illness and how it relates to ehler danlos syndrome, and that they have bad bowels, blood issues, heart issues just like i do, yet cant check it out for me to be tested? i do not understand this stupid world of doctors why EDS and Hypermobility syndrome gets so pushed away. We know we are a lot to deal with but no one cares about the fucking pain we are in. 

#chronicillness #pain #jointpain #joints #hypermobility #syndrome #eds #ehlersdanlos #doctor #medical #illness #sick #unfit #diary #journal #story #writing #vent #advice #depression #anxiety #heds #heartissues #sorebones #bones #ligaments #bowels #prolaspe #organs #help

[toomuchtimenerd]

Review for ‘A Curse So Dark and Lonely’ by Brigid Kemmerer

Aaaand here’s yet another popular retelling of ‘Beauty and the Beast’. So something to know about me - I LOVE fairy tale retellings. I grew up on a lot of fairy tales, lots of Disney princess movies (most of which are based off fairy tales or in the case of Mulan, a ballad/folk legend). I’m pretty sure growing up I had this giant anthology of a bunch of old European fairy tales that had been adapted for children’s reading. I’m pretty sure my love for magic, fantasy, and all kinds of other-worldly things stems from how much I read and re-read everything in that kid’s anthology as an eight year old or something. Nowadays, I am on the lookout for anthologies with adaptations of folk lore from other cultures. Hopefully I will soon find some that seem promising.

So A Curse So Dark and Lonely is, interestingly, not a stand-alone and its sequel came out earlier this month. I opted to stop after the first book and not pick up the sequel, for reasons that I will divulge in later. A Curse, like The Cruel Prince, has incredibly favorable reviews on Goodreads, and for good reason really. It’s just unfortunate that neither of these two books quite hit the spot for me. Perhaps in the future I will pick up the sequel for A Curse, but with the third book planned for a late 2021 release I probably will not be reading A Curse So Fierce and Broken anytime soon. Something already tells me that I may have to put recreational reading on the back burner for an extended period of time once again when I go back to school. Sadface

A Curse So Dark and Lonely loosely follows the widely known story line for ‘Beauty and the Beast’, with notable changes in that the main character (Harper) has cerebral palsy and is transported from our non-magical contemporary world to the magical kingdom of Emberfall. Our Prince Rhen does not adopt the appearance of a beast 24/7, but rather transforms into one at the end of the repeating autumn season. In his transformed state, he has a penchant for violence and generally does not retain any sense of mind or humanity. When he yet again fails to win a woman’s love, the season will restart to the day of his 18th birthday and he will have to try again with a new woman. Rhen is accompanied only by the sole survivor of his first transformation, a royal guard named Grey. Grey was given the power to go to Harper’s world and take a woman to bring back to Emberfall for Rhen to court. This entire curse was brought down by an enchantress named Lilith, who apparently exists only to torture everyone’s existence. Harper wasn’t originally chosen by Grey, but Harper witnessed Grey “abducting” an unconscious woman and chose to interfere, which leads to her transportation into Emberfall. 

So let’s talk about the obvious; the representation of disabled peoples in this book via our protagonist Harper. She has cerebral palsy, and this is made very clear within the first chapter of the book. Props to the author for not OVER-emphasizing Harper’s disability, though. I love representation, and I believe in the power of representation, but I’m not a fan of when representation goes too far and it becomes the sole definition of a character’s existence. It comes off as lazy writing when a character brings no substance or value aside from the fact that they represent some kind of minority group. However, this isn’t the case here and I think Kemmerer did a wonderful job of blending Harper’s cerebral palsy into the background, yet not enough for the reader to completely forget that she is living with a disability. There are times when Harper is in a lot of pain and isn’t able to do certain things as easily as other people can, but her perseverance/grit/determination shows us that she is still just like any other human being trying to get by. She doesn’t view herself as a victim of her disability either, it’s just something she was born with and has learned to live with. It is a part of her, and even if she doesn’t like it she has learned to accept it as a part of her. I think Kemmerer sends a beautiful message in portraying Harper’s attitude with her cerebral palsy: there is no need to feel victimized by one’s disability, and there is no need to hate oneself for it either.

Outside of Harper’s disability, she is a very standard YA fantasy heroine - hardworking, passionate, cautious, determined, guarded. Is it bad that I’m getting a little bit tired of this character trope? I kind of want to see a heroine who isn’t so perfect, and I kind of want to see someone who is a little whiny or bratty at first but then grows from their hardships and experiences. Harper, like many YA fantasy heroines, just seems to start out incredibly likable (or maybe too likable) with the perfect package of personality traits. Now I’m not necessarily complaining about this, but I definitely would’ve liked to see a little more substance from Harper outside of just “I need to find a way to get home and I’m going to keep rebelling until I do”. Obviously this wasn’t her as a character the ENTIRE book, but it definitely was more or less the only thing passing through her mind for maybe the first 40% of the book. Another issue I took with her (or maybe not even her as a character, maybe it’s an issue I have with the book itself) is her wishywashy-ness in regards to her feelings. For pretty much the entire book up until Grey takes her home, Harper at best only deeply cares about and respects Rhen. But in the last 20% of the book when Grey takes her back to Emberfall to face the transformed Rhen, Harper suddenly proclaims her love for him and is willing to pretty much give herself up to Lilith to spare Rhen and Grey. That’s a huge change in emotions, and according to the book timeline this change of feelings happens over the course of like... 36 hours or something. And then the book ends on a MASSIVE ambiguity over whether the curse was broken because Harper truly loved Rhen, or if it was because Grey had succeeded in killing Lilith. So, we went from “I deeply care for you and I find comfort in your company” to “I would DIE for you” to “did the curse break because I love you? Idk” over the course of like... 3-4 chapters? Uhhhhh. Yeah I’ve got questions.

Now I know this review is coming off as pretty negative, and not gonna lie I don’t think I was a big fan of this retelling but I certainly don’t think it was bad either. Rhen’s character development was so captivating and surprising because most YA authors generally don’t pay much attention into developing the male lead as much as the heroine. In all honesty, Harper began pretty perfect with very little room for growth so she her character progression just seemed to stagnate to me. But Rhen starts off as a meh character who didn’t seem to learn all that much from his countless failures of wooing women during his cursed time and progresses into a very selfless leader (re: true KING). He goes from isolating himself in his castle while trying to break the curse to nearly ignoring the curse so he could focus on protecting and caring for his people. I guess it’s pretty obvious that I really liked Rhen as a character, and I personally think he deserves a lot better than that ending we got. It wasn’t a bad ending, and I think Kemmerer wanted to be original in creating a somewhat ambiguous ending. But as a hardcore romance junkie I think I may have a narrow scope of what my heart can tolerate for any retelling of ‘Beauty and the Beast’. 

And finally, let’s talk about Grey. He’s not a POV character in this first book, but he’s in almost every single chapter and he plays a pretty big role. At the beginning I thought I was going to get a load of a love triangle, but thank GOD that wasn’t the case. I’m all for originality, but my mind will never be okay with a love triangle in ‘Beauty and the Beast’. It’s beauty and the fucking beast!! Not beauty and the beast featuring Ludacris!! Is it obvious that I don’t like love triangles to begin with? Yeah. Anyway, Grey is an interesting character. I kind of saw the epilogue coming, because for a side character Grey was too fleshed out and well developed (considering side characters rarely are, except for my one true love Despina from Wrath and the Dawn). But nevertheless, I quite enjoyed Grey! In the beginning of the story I felt like he served almost as a foil to Rhen. They were quite the opposites in terms of personality, but they ultimately are working towards the same goal. Watching Grey’s relationship with Harper unfold on paper was also quite nice. Unlike Rhen, Grey starts off kinda antagonizing Harper (with good reason, considering their first encounter consisted of her attacking him). Rhen is kind and very elaborate in his words and manners with Harper, but Grey very much the opposite. He speaks simply, he’s a man of actions, and is mostly very detached from his emotions. I actually felt his character complimented Harper’s character quite well (considering her own emotional detachment), and I think this is what Kemmerer was going for anyway since Harper does actually warm up to Grey much quicker than she warms up to Rhen. 

Some last thoughts to wrap it up - while I understand that Kemmerer wanted to bridge the gap between this book and its sequel, I felt that she pulled WAY too much of the spotlight from Rhen/Harper and onto Grey. The ending between Rhen/Harper felt incredibly rushed, and again I just don’t think I like the ambiguity over what actually broke the curse. I was thinking about giving A Curse So Dark and Lonely a 4-star rating for most of the book up until the end, and now I’m thinking it’s more like a 3.5 star from me. The last couple of chapters were heavily action-packed, and Kemmerer’s way of tying up the lose strings (pushing the foreign army out of Emberfall) was very creative. But the ending following all of that action was just so... bland and unexciting. It was like dumping a large tub of water on a small campfire that was just starting to grow warm. I like Grey as character, but not enough to want to read the sequel where he stars as a POV just yet. 

#a curse so dark and lonely #cursebreakers #ya fiction #ya fantasy #brigid kemmerer #book review #beauty and the beast #retelling

[namjoonxorg]

𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒚 𝑭𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒓 ･❪ ❁ ❫ ･ 𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑾𝒂𝒍𝒐 - 𝑷𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑩𝒆𝒅𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆

“We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love our first.” – George W. Melville

You were doing it again.

It had been a solid week since that incident in the coffee shop with Jimin and Hobi -were you still allowed to call him that?- and you’ve caught yourself wandering back to his almost forgotten contact more times than you care to admit. You never did anything, just sat there, staring at his information, and wondering where the hell it had all went wrong.  

Truth be told, Hobi, undoubtedly, was your best friend. You remember the days from high school when you called him the second you got home. You’d talk for hours, leaving your homework entirely unfinished and untouched, but still return the next day with bunches more to say. You remember back when you didn’t even need to pull up his contact, you knew it by heart so just saved time by putting it into the keypad before dialing. You remember the time you had to coax him into doing the blood drive at your school and had to write down his information for him because he was too nervous about the needles to think about what the hell his address was.

You also remember the days you applied to colleges. Hobi immediately applied for the best dance school in the country, while you on the other hand, having no artistic bone in your body, opted for something stable, not too far from home yet still far enough. You really only cared for the simple things and so you were pretty happy to find that you had been accepted. Unfortunately for Hobi, he found out the hard way that those big school don’t exactly give scholarships to freshmen. You remember spending the night at his house that day, using every second of your time reminding how stupid they were to not consider him.

He eventually found a college, he left it unnamed because he was still pretty bummed about the dance school, but you never would have guessed that the art school you transferred to last year was the one he’d told you about. Still, back when he told you it was farther away than you’d hoped, you made a pinky promise to always be best friends. You wouldn’t let yourselves become one of those cliches. And for a while, you believed it. How much good that promise did.

Needles to say, you don’t really do pinky promises anymore.

Presently, you sigh and allow your head to loll over on your pillow.

It was almost two in the morning and you hadn’t been able to get any sleep. Your head, for the thousandth time, was filled with thoughts and memories you’d rather keep tucked away. Seeing Hobi had really fucked up your headspace and you’d been bombarded with ways you could have done things differently, things you could have said before it was too late or simply what would have happened if things had gone better a few days ago.

You shifted again, trying to find a position comfortable enough to allow you sleep, but sadly, it seemed as if it just weren't coming. So, you leaned over to reach your phone and, with high hopes and zero expectations, you sent a text.

You: you up?

You waited with baited breath, hoping that all those times of bonding over your shit sleeping schedules would ring true.

Yoongi: is that even a question?

You exhaled in relief, thanking every god you knew that someone’s insomnia is just as bad as yours.

You: you up for coffee? at the 24/7 place from last time?

Yoongi: pls, im already on my way

Yoongi: need me to pick you up again?

You: no thanks. soomin had a fit last time and im not dealing with that again.

You: i’ll just walk. i’ll be fine dw

You smiled, grateful not for the first time, that you managed to meet Yoongi. So, with lighter steps and with messier hair, you climbed out of your bed and slipped on some shoes before heading out the door. Thankfully the coffee shop was very close to your dorm so you only needed to walk for a short time, but you made sure to keep your pepper spray in hand.

You were opening the door to the coffee shop in no time, the familiar chime of the bell putting a smile on your face. However, it soon turned into a frown of confusion when you spotted another head of hair sitting next to Yoongi’s striking minty green.  

As you got closer to their chosen table -near the back, obviously- you immediately recognized the other person as your dweeb of a friend.

“Jungkook, isn’t it past your bedtime?” You teased as you sat down, having already placed your order.

Yoongi laughed, more genuine than most would expect at such an ungodly hour. “That’s exactly what I said.”

The younger scowled, his nose scrunching up in that way it does and you can’t take him seriously. “Shut up, guys.” He scoffs but doesn’t say anything until you come back with your drink. “I’m twenty-one, when will you stop treating me like a child?”

“When you stop acting like one,” Yoongi quips and Jungkook goes to argue, but Yoongi shakes his head, holding up a finger to silence him. “Go ahead and tell her what you were doing when you heard me leaving and decided to tag along.”

Jungkook seems to shrink back, slouching into the booth you sit in and you arch your eyebrow, curious.

“... playing Overwatch.”

You and Yoongi burst out into laughter at this, earning you glares from not only Jungkook but the poor baristas working the night shift. You didn’t stop though, your laughter ringing out and seeming to bounce off the walls in the total emptiness of the cafe. Soon enough, Jungkook wasn’t able to remain pouting and he joined you, laughing at himself with ease. You loved that about your friend, the way he was able to let loose and take jokes.

“My point exactly,” Yoongi replies quietly when your laughter comes to a close. The baristas are still glaring at the three of you, but none of you seem to mind too much.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Jungkook whines, pouting like the child he is. “Jin hyung is obsessed with Mario Kart but no one says anything about that!”

“To his face,” Yoongi drawls with a lazy point of his finger and you fail to hide your snicker behind your hand. “Jin hyung is a child in a man’s body, but at least he knows when to go to sleep.”

You sit silently, sipping carefully on your coffee and watch as Jungkook and Yoongi continue to go at it with an amused smirk on your face.

Jungkook stomps his feet, not doing much to prove his point. “Okay, but what about Namjoon hyung and his stupid Ryan plushies?”

“We let those slide because his IQ makes up for that small ounce of childishness.”

“What about Jimin hyung and-”

“Jungkook you know that no matter what you say, you’re not going to win this argument, right?”

The brunette slouches and crosses his arms, but doesn’t reply back. More than likely because he knows Yoongi is right.

He looks over to you, as if for defense, but finds you hiding your smile behind your cup. He tilts his head, in that way he does when he’s planning something devious, and smirks at you with a lift of a brow.

“Speaking of Jimin hyung,” He starts, leaning across the table to grin at you smugly. “I wonder what he would say about Y/N being out right now with two of his best friends.”

Yoongi frowns for a second before realization dawns on him. Then, like the flick of a switch, he turns to you with an expression that matches Jungkook’s perfectly. “Yeah, I’m wondering that, too.”

That traitor.

You huff, but decide not to buy into their game. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You shug, feigning indifference.

“That’s okay, it’s not like you like him or anything,” Yoongi states, taking a slow sip of his drink while sharing a look with Jungkook.

The latter nods, leaning back and draping his arm along the side of the booth. “Yeah, but I guess that’s a good thing. He’s probably out with some girls right now, anyway.”

“What?!” You ask, doing your best to keep your voice down but ultimately failing.

This time it's Yoongi and Jungkook who burst out into laughter as you wait for them to settle down so they can clarify things for you.

“So I guess that proves it, then,” Yoongi laughs and empties his cup.

“Proves what?”

“That you like Jimin hyung,” Jungkook sing-songed, teasing you lightheartedly.

You groaned, feeling like they set this up. “It's not as if it was a secret, anyway.”

“Its okay, Y/N. Hyung and I were just messing with you.” He smiled, one of those impish ‘i know something you don’t’ smiles. “He probably likes you, too.”

With a stifled laugh you throw the straw from your drink across the table at him, provoking laughs from Yoongi for the third time since you got here.

In the end, you left with two very unhappy baristas and full invention of skipping your morning class.

Previous || Next Masterlist || Beginning || Coauthor

#bts #written by the loml #bts social media au #party favor #bts ot7 #bts ot7 au #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook

[angelharryyyy]

broken heart / H.S

part one

part two

——

Most mornings I woke up with Harry’s finger softly tracing miscellaneous patterns on my bare skin.

I would focus only on his gentle exhales, sometimes hitting my skin which resulted in a trail of goosebumps forming on my arms. Sometimes if I was lucky, I would hear the rhythmic beating of his heart if my head was positioned on the right place.

I’d lay there for a while, simply wanting to drown in his touch, not wanting to disturb the moment. But Harry would eventually notice I was awake and shower me with sweet good morning kisses before convincing me to join him for breakfast.

But this morning was different.

I woke up with the sheets tightly wrapped around my body and Harry no where in sight.

I feel the familiar tension build in my temples causing a groan to leave my lips. I roll over on the bed, hiding my face from the sunlight that poured through the curtains.

And that’s when I remembered last night.

*

“Let me explain.”

I stood in front of Harry, feeling completely helpless. The thought of Harry being with another girl was one of my biggest fears, let alone that girl being my best friend. But that fear was never met with reality and I never expected it to. I completely trusted him. My Harry would never do this.

“Please do, Harry. Because there must be a good fucking reason why I just...” My voice was laced with both anger and sadness. Harry just stood before me, looking as fucking perfect as ever, even if he was almost completely drenched with the downpour.

I tried to find the right words. Words that could cut deep. But standing in front of Harry, who looked down at me with his mesmerising viridescent eyes that were glistening with tears, I couldn’t find the strength.

“How could you do this to me?”

I ask quietly, my voice cracking ever so slightly. My eyes peering up at his own, my vision blurring - from the alcohol or the fact that my heart was absolutely torn, who knows.

“Y/N, please just..” I watched as Harry took one weak step towards me, instinctively making me take one step away from him. Harry winced, his chin dimpling slightly, noticeably trying to fight back tears.

“Please don’t do that, please. I dont know what I was thinking, I- I-“

Harry was falling apart in front of me. Probably more emotional that usual, seeing as he has had a drink. He was trembling, probably from the relentless rain that poured on us both. I was trembling too.

“I’m gonna go now, Harry.”

I turned on my heels, turning away from Harry.

“At least tell me where you’re going?”

Harry shouted from behind me, his footsteps close to my own. I kept my head down, trying (but failing) to avoid the rain from touching the skin on my face, seeing as it was numb from the cold.

“Y/N, where are you-“ l felt Harry grab my arm, resulting in me snatching my arm back instantly. Stopping in my tracks only to look up at him once again.

“Home! I’m going home to sleep in our fucking bed, Harry. As for you, I don’t give a shit where you sleep tonight!”

I bite harshly, the words feeling foreign on my tongue, surprising Harry and even myself. I felt the anger bubbling in my chest, my eyes still blurry from the concoction of alcohol and tears.

Harry took a step back, slightly taken aback from my words. His cheeks were flushed and stained with tears, his hair that was once styled nicely was now dripping wet with strands slick to his forehead. His eyebrows were pulled together, a small crease forming in between.

“I can’t even look at you right now.” I snarl at him, our eyes locking for a good couple seconds, almost as if we were exchanging silent words between each other, before I turned my back on him.

“Y/N.”

“Y/N, dont do this.”

“Fuck!”

Once again I found myself sobbing as I heard Harry call for me.

But I didn’t look back.

*

Laying on my bed with my arms spread around my head and the covers kicked off from my body, silently staring up at the ceiling. I thought about the events that took place last night.

I could almost pass it off as a bad dream, but it was all too real, yet surreal? Harry wouldn’t do that to me, and if he didn’t, what did I see?

Am I going delusional? Or did I really catch him with her? Once again my vision was blurred with tears as I recalled them two together. My best friend.

I turned my head towards the nightstand to where my phone was situated before struggling to reach it, too lazy to sit up and reach it with ease.

As my fingers eventually clasped around it, I rolled onto my stomach, holding myself up with my elbows as I unlocked my mobile - only to find that I had 24 missed calls and 12 texts from both Y/F/N and Harry.

Y/F/N

I need u to call me back

Sent 9:16 am

Y/F/N

I hate myself, please call me

Sent 9:23 am

Y/F/N

Y/N, I love you, please just let me know you’re okay

Blah, blah, blah

I read over her texts begging me to call her, to text her, to tell her that I got home fine. I tap away, closing her texts only to open Harry’s.

I could feel my breath hitch in my throat, seeing his name written across my screen, followed by a small heart - which couldn’t compare to how much love and adoration I had for him.

Harry 💕

I know that what I did last night was inexcusable and I know that I don’t deserve you

Sent 7:03 am

Harry 💕

I can’t sleep knowing that I hurt you.

Sent 7:08 am

Harry 💕

I love you. So fucking much it hurts

Sent 7:19 am

I love you.

I love you.

I love

I love

you

you

My eyes kept scanning over the last text, the tears that fell from my eyes dropping onto the phone screen, blurring the text ever so slightly.

I directed my sight towards the time written on the top of the screen, reading 12:13 pm.

I wondered what he was doing right now, or where he was. When I said I didn’t care, that was obviously a lie. Was he with her? Or was he at some fancy hotel that only he could afford? Every thought of him brought me more pain. I just wanted him beside me, telling me sweet nothings while completely hypnosising me with his sleepy green eyes and his heavenly lopsided smile. Oh, and his lips. If he was to kiss me right now I swear he could convince me that everything was alright, that everything was just fine.

But he wasn’t here and I couldn’t help but feel completely torn, like one of my limbs had been ripped from my body.

I didn’t realise I had been day dreaming, completely lost in my thoughts, until I felt a vibration from between my hands.

My attention immedietly turned to my phone screen, feeling my stomach drop immediately as I read out Harry’s name.

Harry 💕

I’m coming over.

Sent 12:23 pm

—————

A/N

Hey, thank yall so much for your kind messages! I’m not entirely happy with how this turned out, so I’ll probably edit it when I have time. I worked a 9 hour shift at work and I’m dying slowly so please forgive me

let me know what you think of this!

yee yee 🤠

Susan x

#harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles smut #writing #fan fanfiction #one direction #1D

[steviestevington]

All the questions

oh fUCK okay here we go

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

Yeah they are

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Of course they are omg

3. Are you a virgin?

No

4. Are you in a relationship?

Yes indeedy I am !

5. Are you in love?

God I sure am

6. Are you single this year?

Nope

7. Can you commit to one person?

I can and I am committed to one person !

8. Describe your crush

His name is Jay he’s got long black hair currently and green eyes and wears glasses he’s gorgeous

9. Describe your perfect mate

Jay lmao

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Absolutely

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Betrayal meaning like cheating? If so no

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Unfortunately yeah rip

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Yeah don’t tell him but I got a big fat crush on my boyfriend

15. Do you have any piercings?

Just my earlobes

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Unfortunately no :c

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Deadass love it so much

20. Do you shower every day?

Fuck no I ain’t got time for that

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Well I sure hope my boyfriend does lmao

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Idk Jay might be but who knows

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Of fucking course, easily

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I do not know honestly I could see it being maybe possible but who knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I am and I am very happy about it

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

I think so maybe

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

I don’t think so, I hope not

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Fuck no

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

Ehhh not really but if I had to choose something I would want my nose changed I hate it

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Of course

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Uhhh probably

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

No

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

No

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah I mean I liked my ex before we were dating and we were best friends

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

I don’t think so ?

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Uhh kinda yeah

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

No I’m terrible at that shit

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

No

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Bitch they wander immediately

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Like 4.5 years or something idk

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Only one other boyfriend before Jay

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

None

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

Zero

47. How old are you?

21

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Well idk what I would say in the moment but obviously that would mean we’d break up which would be extremely unfortunate and heartbreaking

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

Literally everything there’s no way I can pick one single thing he’s perfect in every way

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

HAHAHAHAHAHA F U C K NO

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yeah his name is Jay

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Uhhh idk maybe I’ve given up on crushes in the past because it was obviously not gonna happen but that’s all I can think of

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I doubt it lmao

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

I mean I’ll never forget the shit my abuser did to me unfortunately

55. Share a relationship story.

I can’t think of any sorry agdhgfhsd

56. State 8 facts about your body

I will pass on that I don’t even know 2 facts about it that are more fascinating than “I have two arms”

57. Things you want to say to an ex

You’re a gross piece of shit and you had no right to pressure me into sexual things or treat me the way you did, you traumatized me in so many ways and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life, I hope karma kicks your ass one day

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Bitch I don’t know Jay did it easily ask him lmao

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

I don’t have any good ones on my laptop so just go to my “about” page there’s a link in my description or look at my blog /tagged/my-face

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

I really don’t know I think the age difference between Jay and I is a little bit bigger than the one between my ex and I but I’m too lazy to figure it out

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Their eyes or smile

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

I’ve got a real damn weird Thing for formal clothing so wear that for me n I’ll be so into it

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Idk anything with another person involving genitals honestly

64. What is your definition of cheating?

It’s as easy as just having an emotional affair it doesn’t even have to be physical

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

I don’t want it to lead to sex but some intense making out is my favorite

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

No I don’t do that fuck off

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Anything with your partner that you both enjoy is a perfect date

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Pan/ace

69. What turns you off?

Bad hygiene and a shitty personality

70. What turns you on?

Good hygiene, making out, neck kissing/biting, hickeys, my partner makin cute noises of pleasure while we are all over each other

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

LMAO if I ever have sexual dreams they’re extremely frustrating and I can never actually get All The Way no matter how hard I try so I wouldn’t say I have kinky ones cuz I’m always by myself I don’t like sex with other people

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

None I don’t like sex

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

I like being given flowers

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

A nice smile

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Uhhh idk Jay always does extremely sweet things but what’s coming to mind is that he decided on his own to stop doing something that causes me severe anxiety because he doesn’t wanna put me through that and that meant a whole lot to me

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Man I don’t know I always go overboard with things but I think my valentines day with Jay recently is up there with the sweetest things I’ve done

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

There should not me a maturity or development gap at all

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I really want a dildo from bad dragon but I’ll probably never own one lmao

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

Uhhh idk when one of my bfs friends goes overboard with complimenting his appearance I get weird about it cuz I’m a dumbass

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Idk I tell Jay I love him all the time so like 20 minutes ago probably afgdhfds

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

My boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, and Brendon Urie lmao

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My dad

83. Who was your first kiss with?

My ex

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

I don’t know and I don’t really care anymore tbh

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

afdgsfd I mean that’s how Jay and I met so yeah lmao

#ask #anon

[reyuxmas]

2018 Reyuxmas Theme List

Each of the twelve days of Reyuxmas will have a theme. We provide a few suggestions or prompts within these, but you are not obligated to stick to these! Write, draw, create anything you feel inspired to make that fits the theme in some way. If you’re unsure, feel free to ask us here. We have also provided some wholesome suggestions and some nsfw suggestions -- naughty and nice -- depending on your mood.

More than anything, we hope you all have fun creating content for this small ship! Happy non-denominational winter holiday season!

Don’t forget to tag your creations with #reyuxmas or tag our blog so we can reblog your content to others!

Day 1: December 14 -- FOOD

Nice: Disastrous meal (like terrible cook Rey, everyone’s distracted so something burns), baking together, big holiday family feast, warm cocoa after a chilly day outside Naughty: Eating food off of each other, doing naughty things with food, having a few too many drinks with their dinner and one thing leads to another...

Day 2: December 15 -- SCARVES

Nice: Sharing a scarf, knitting a scarf, lost and found scarf, someone has an obnoxious scarf that the other mocks until they desperately need to wear it Naughty: A little bit of light scarf bondage, or maybe using it as a gag

Day 3: December 16 -- VACATION

Nice: Grand Marshal Hux takes a vacation from his awful SL and finds Rey in an unexpected place, escaping the cold for the winter, disappearing up north to avoid family gatherings, traveling the world to celebrate because they only have each other Naughty: Romantic nights in while traveling somewhere exotic, meeting each other on a solo holiday vacation and deciding to have some fun to make the days pass faster ;) 

Day 4: December 17 -- MISTLETOE

Nice: one tries to get the other under mistletoe but keeps continuously failing, Hogwarts au rivals get stuck under charmed mistletoe, Naughty: Pretty self-explanatory, but why be basic?

Day 5: December 18 -- SNOWMAN

Nice: Are they building it, admiring one, destroying one? Or maybe they’re teaching their children to build a snow man, or one has to teach the other how to do it or make them do it for the first time, just so they can say they’ve done it. Naughty: A snowman (or snow-droid) contest gets incredibly competitive and it turns into a heated argument behind closed doors ;)

Day 6: December 19 -- TRADITIONS

Nice: Baking cookies, decorating a tree, putting up lights, matching pajamas, visiting certain people or eating certain things, gift exchanges Naughty: Buying each other naughty gifts, celebrating with lazy morning sex

Day 7: December 20 -- COZY

Nice: Someone being ridiculously obsessed with snuggies or other oddball warming items, cuddled up under blankets, sharing warmth at a train station, sipping cocoa on a sleigh ride through the snow Naughty: We’ve heard sex is a great way to warm up and often leads to cuddling

Day 8: December 21 -- FAMILY

Nice: Hux complaining about his nosy arse father. “FATHER, SHUT UP” c:, Rey really wants a family and people to build traditions with, obligatory kidfic (someone better give us Reyux kids) Naughty: making a baby for Christmas

Day 9: December 22 -- GIFTS

Nice: Unexpected gift, terrible gift giver Rey or Hux, Wrapping, shopping, giving--or are they using gifts they have…?, neither wanting to give a gift that’s too big or says they’re too committed, one or both hate the convention of gift giving and swear they will refuse any gifts but then they get something handmade and their cold heart melts Naughty: They can give themselves as a gift (with minimal to no clothing)

Day 10: December 23 -- CREATURES

Nice: Rey finds ‘stray’ cat (it’s actually Millicent, who snuck out), adopting or gifting a pet (responsibly), introducing a pet to a baby, any shenanigans with Millicent (cats destroy trees, right?) Naughty: Naga Rey or Hux c;, vampires, werewolves, magical creatures from HP or GoT or something idk go crazy and have them all fuck while you’re at it

Day 11: December 24 -- FIREPLACE

Nice: Rey is sick for the holidays and Hux keeps plenty of wood in the fireplace and also uses his body to keep her warm, Rey chopping firewood, obligatory bearskin rug by the fireplace Naughty: Sex on the rug in front of the fireplace, any romantic or sexy night in the light of the fireplace.

Day 12: December 25 -- FREE

Nice: Go wild! The unknown regions are the limits! (give us more kidfic we dare you) Naughty: Pegging with a dildo that looks like a candy cane. Any number of inappropriate holiday innuendos/scenarios. Alpha Rey/Omega Hux (will pay for this in love and adoration)

Any questions or concerns? Reach out to us in our ask box! We’re happy to answer anything.

#themes

[not-a-statement]

Chasing ghosts. Chapter 3

Sorry friends for overdosing your dashboards with this stuff, but I’m too excited to hold it back anymore. 

This chapter really did kill me while writing. I somehow tried to reflect my own feelings in it as well as to put observation of my friend who has currently lived through a very messy situation.

Anyway, chapter under the cut, critics and suggestions are always appreciated.

Welp, it’s time to go to dead.

New York, NY, October 7-11, 2024

Nights seemed to be the hardest to live through. Not literally - in a physical way - but maybe a little bit in that way too. Just a bit…

Every morning he felt numb. No such things as work, clothes or breakfast were present in his area of interest. And it seemed that those things were long gone for a while then. Only his memories, smells from the past and lingering sensations of light touches that were unlikely to happen again were orbiting him every day from the moment of awakening…

Unlikely to happen again? Light touches? Ding-fucking-Dong, you bloody idiot. Stop thinking of it like you’ve been married for a lifetime and then your wife moved to her gram-gram’s place at the “Fluffy Clouds Acres”...

Yeah, you have other suggestions about how to live on with a giant hole instead of heart?..

He wanted to feel himself a victim. Longed for sympathizers of all kinds queuing up to his bed, big baskets full with fruits in their hands, “Get well soon” cards, soothing phrases on their tongues - that he was every right to feel what he felt, that he deserved her and she made a very big mistake picking that bastard to be her husband…

You know what would be more honest? If somebody brought you some poison instead.

Or at least whiskey…

Would you knock it off already? Where’s your smart part when it comes to distinguishing seeds from chaff? Do you honestly think that all your feelings are of a value? Don’t be ridiculous - your own sister? For real? You actually expected everything to work out?   

Shut up…

It was Monday morning, Dipper had to get prepared to leave for work - he’s finally got a position. Kind of. Same duties, another ton or two plus to his salary - at least it was something, right? At least an excuse not to spend all of his time in this god forsaken flat all day long.

But he was still laying in his sister’s bed, inhaling her scent that somehow managed to stay in the pillow. What a pathetic view it was…

Not as pathetic as his kitchen exterior though. The day prior - as for all other days - there was loads of booze and Dipper was too lazy to bother himself with throwing out the garbage so there was lots of empty bottles laying and standing here and there, empty cigarettes packs, Chinese food boxes - a perfect decorations for a hopeless bachelor’s place.

Sloppily cooked breakfast, coffee as dark as New York’s midnight sky - state’s one. The city itself was living 24 hours so the illumination was enough to make a barrier between nighttime dreamers and traces of light casted by long gone celestial giants billions of human lives away from our sinful rotten asteroid.

Perhaps it was the other way around in New City. Probably the view was breathtaking with all the stars in the sky to count, crispy countryside air to bath in…

Warm and gentle hand of beloved woman to squeeze, cascades of her hazel hair to admire and fiddle with…

Dipper stumbled upon the battalion of empty bottles causing some of them fall clinking resentfully. The sound was enough to make his head ache and cast a grimace of displeasure on his face.

So that’s the plan, huh? Drink until you find a ball of snot instead of your liver?

Pffft...as if

Oh, I get it. Not your problem, right? It’s ten-years-later-Dipper’s problem…

He had to take control over the situation - find a better job, start doing some kind of sport to get fit, maybe find a woman. Anything that will help him get over his misery and make this voice nagging at the back of his mind go…

That’s a great plan - so many details. Hey, why don’t you get a job in NASA? With your ability to make plans like that we will land on Mars twenty years earlier than estimated.

Or at least by then he had a simpler task to tackle - get dressed and step out of this flat to start a new day that’s unlikely to be any different from the day before. Only task he could possibly do without failing.

As for making detailed plans - that’s an important concept, Dipper had to admit. All this abstract thoughts and ideas about new job and sport - they’re important nevertheless. But if one just postulates such things they’re unable to lead anywhere. Dipper as one who used to be the master of bajillion steps checklists for any occasion - to win Wendy’s heart for example - knew for sure that if he wanted to make any progress he needed to think and plan deeper than that.

What Mabel used to tease him about pretty often was a very useful ability. Staying organized, understanding each step and possible alternative breakpoints and handling possible exceptions. For an average person this way of thinking could play good if they keep it in balance with other aspects of their life. But Dipper was no average person.

He was...Dipper. And that meant that balance was off the table.

Good or bad, Dipper and Mabel complemented each other in so many things that one of them wasn’t whole without the other. And that same balance in Dipper’s vigorous activity of his brain was introduced by his sister, with her emphasis on feelings, emotions, and her own particular angle of view.

But when he found himself alone he started to crumble. His brain was acting like a locomotive rushing at maximum speed risking to go off the rail at any moment. Nerves gone acute and at the same time emotions gone blank.

He tried - God knows he did - to live on his own, to give way to his emotions, tried to find that different point of view, based on feelings, yet to no big avail. Every attempt ended at the start point, all theories were in contradiction with one another and ended up crumbled.

The only thing that helped in letting all go was alcohol.

Only having drunk a glass or two of bourbon he used to start looking at all what was happening differently. After half of bottle he used to start feeling.

He was feeling pure pain caused by disappearance of his most beloved person, his second half from his life. Of the girl, who somehow managed to make him falling for her so hard casting thousands of butterflies in his stomach, sending shivers down his spine when she laughed and making him completely numb when she cried. Mabel Pines, that one and only girl in the world for whom he was ready to jump off the cliff on a gigantic robot with nothing but his bare hands, for whom he was ready to endure any level of his own pain just to keep her safe and protect her. He’s never loved anybody as much as he loved her. And never will.

He was feeling anger. What did this smug douchebag know about Mabel? Was it him who lived with her for the whole life? What he can possibly give her? I don’t remember him breaking through Bill’s traps to set her free from that bubble prison. Not to say he wasn’t one who crawled through SWAT squad to clear Stan’s name. Heck, I bet he couldn’t even handle gnomes - probably would shit himself and bail with his tail tucked. And is he ready to cover her with his body in case something threatening her? Is he capable of doing anything that slick faggot from Wall Street?! Who is he to separate us?!

He was feeling fear. Mabel is alone out there. Where will you be when she needs you, huh? You saw what world could have in store twelve years ago. Do you think anything changed? Do you think that Bill won’t return? Or even if he won’t who said that he’s the only one? You’ve been thinking about it for quite a while, haven’t you?

On Tuesday that fear dimmed his eyes to almost unbearable level. What’s the matter? Why your hand with a lighter clenched in it shakes so hard?

Shut up…

On Wednesday he took an illness day off. He was feeling rather bad physically but that wasn’t the matter - he was just really scared to leave his flat. For the whole day he kept wandering within it - from his sister’s bedroom to the kitchen and back - rushing constantly to his computer typing request after request or scribbling some incomprehensible gibberish in his journal - the same that Mabel gave him as a birthday present. Yet another bottle was opened not long after lunch time, because he couldn’t bear that day staying sober.

The next day - on Thursday - in the early morning he woke up at pretty much the same spot he ended falling the night prior - behind the sofa in the living room. His face felt swelling, knees and elbows were harshly scratched at various places - perhaps he would find some furniture items at same poor condition. His journal was lying on the sofa, its first dozen pages or so covered with all kind of theory snippets or logical fact chains - anything he could come up with in order to keep his brain working consistently and not having it exploded. Some of his notes made no sense at all, others reeked with insanity. He had to keep working, had to grasp that tiny bits of his mind floating on the surface of the blindingly dark ocean consisting of repelling visions, predator’s muzzles and never ending sound of some woman crying.

Also there was one more thing swirling through that ocean - a phrase carelessly spoken by Zach on Saturday.

On Friday night the week before Mabel was bombarding her brother’s phone with invitations for him to come over to Turner’s and have a dinner together. He missed her beloved brother and probably was acknowledging the fact that in such conditions a modest family dinner was the only option for them to spend some quality time together instead of nights full of movie marathons and pizza. It’s what people do, don’t they? When they become adults…

But if Mabel was feeling a bit melancholic because of that blunt bogus of an activity, it came to no comparison with what Dipper might’ve felt that exact second he appeared at Zach’s door. He either would leave within an hour tops or get drunk as swine. So it was better not to come at all to prevent such bad consequences.

But having to turn his sister down over a phone for yet another time wasn’t any less painful. Hearing her voice changing from cheerful one to upset, because of whatever excuse he could come up with - working late, having an extra task, needing to stay up until late night home because of an important article he had to finish. Or hearing her playful teasings about him having a secret date with ladies and reminders to leave a tie on the knob which would make him laugh uncontrollably adding more more pain. He couldn’t stand it. That’s why he decided to take a decisive action.

He turned off his cell phone. And spent a long time sitting on a bench near to Brooklyn bridge with a bottle of whiskey in a paper bag, staring at his device’s black lifless screen as if trying to soak its void up.

Void and darkness. What are they? The absence of life, light, benignancy. Absence of everything - only vast and pure nothingness. Why can’t I adapt it? To feel nothing, to throw this piece of plastic into the river, to come home today, grab my bag and jump on the first flight to Oregon. Cut all ties with Mabel, simply disappear from her horizon. Wouldn’t that be better?

It sure would’ve been easier.

But the only response the phone’s screen could give the reflection of the autumn afternoon sky with glimpses of upcoming dusk rather than comply with Dipper’s inner desires. So only thing he was left with was whiskey again.

Its taste was already a rock solid number one in his rating of favorite tastes. In mixture with tobacco smoke. Nevertheless that blend taken in serious doses were casting an instant portal to the morning after.

And what it had in store were regrets and sorrowful thoughts about what he’d done and what a jackass of a brother he was. So the phone was turned on, Mabel’s number typed his thumb hovering over the green button was given an order to hold it back no more.

There was a beep. And then another. And another.

After 6 beeps Dipper started having second thoughts about how 9 pm on Saturday might’ve been not the best time for late apologies but then his phone slightly buzzed and he heard someone’s deep morning breathing on the other end.

“Hi, Mabes, I...um...” he started timidly trying to soften his hoarse hang over voice “About yesterday...I’m really sorry I couldn’t call you back...my battery died and I had to stay late so I walked home and hit the hay the moment I entered...”

He let out a clumsy chuckle scratching the back of his head.  

Telling lies, are we?

Shut up.

“So...yeah...I’m sorry I couldn’t make it yesterday to your place...um...maybe will try the next Friday? Mabes?”

He heard a male voice giggling through the receiver that sent cold wave to his abdomen.

“Oh, sorry, man. Didn’t want to interrupt your monologue.”

Zach. That bastard…

“Oh...hey, Zach...” he wasn’t ready to stumble upon Zach in such condition. “Um...would you mind passing phone to Mabel?”

“I wish, bro, i wish” Dipper clenched his fist hard enough to make his knuckles go white “But Mrs. Turner is still watching whatever bright and pleasant dream she’s watching”

Was that scoffing? Mrs Turner? As if he won her and now showing it off. Fuck, as if he thinks he took my wife…

Wouldn’t be much of a fallacy, huh?

I told you to shut up.

He needed to somehow play it cool. Put aside his own twisted feelings and think of what’s better for Mabel - if she found out about his hostility towards her husband and linked it with his constant denials to come for dinner that would be really bad.

“Okay, ahem...” he cleared his throat before continuing “Can you maybe ask her to call me back when she’s awake then?”

“No problem at all. But, you know, I can tell her myself...”

“No no no, better if I tell her what I wanted to tell, thanks. Um...okay, b..”

“Oh, how things are going on your side, Mason? Haven’t heard from you for ages.”

Oh, son of a...why by name?

“Good, good. Yeah, so...”

“Heard you’ve got promoted. Got a position?”

“Well...um...not exactly, but...I’m working on it. Yeah, sorry for early ca...”

“And how’s the money? Do they pay you enough?”

Oh you impudent chuffed fuck.

Tell him.

“Enough for me, thanks. Well, okay I...”

“Look, we have a vacant position at stock exchange. Consultants are paid good and respected, so I thought maybe...”

“I’m not keen on idea of selling people something I don’t personally believe in, thank you.”

Shit, that was bad. Didn’t mean to sound so harshly.

He started it.

Shut up.

He heard Zach laughing on the other end. Damn, even insults are not working for him. He’s got his walls built solid.

“Why so determined? Believe me, after first salary when you start buying yourself some big men toys like cars you won’t say such immature things.”

Yeah, yeah. Teach me how to live my life, bitch.

“Well, if I were you I would think about it, Mason. I’d take it as an honor to help my family member.”

“Yeah, okay, cool. Um...” Come on, say something polite to end this “Have a nice day, Zach.”

“No it is? Okay, whatever you say. You’re a good man but you’re sometimes being silly, Pinetree.”

Dipper’s heart skipped a beat and he felt thunderstruck. All his muscles tightened. Given he was slouching, it seemed that his body’s fulcrum had shifted slightly above the rib cage.

“What did you call me?” asked Dipper his voice hardly above whispering.

“What? Old mocking nickname? Sorry, didn’t mean to...”

“What. Did. You. Call. Me?” repeated Dipper louder.

“Oh, c’mon, man. I’m sorry, for real, I...”

Can it be?..

I can’t see why not

No, that’s impossible. No, no..

Well, he told you she was sleeping, but do you trust him?

Mabel…

“Where is she?”

“Who? Mabel? Man, I told you she is leisuring...”

“Pass her the phone”

“Look, she’s really not ready to talk to anybody right now, you how she is. Man, like for real - I’m sorry if that upsets you, it wasn’t my inten...”

“Shut the fuck up, Zach!!!” Dipper growled, he could feel himself drowning in unimaginable paralyzing horor. “Where is my sister?!”

“Hey! Watch the language, pal!”

“Where is my sister?!”

“Piss off!”

“Where is Mabel?!!” Dipper broke into shouting. His breathing was heavy and ragged, he could feel his blood rushing to his head almost setting tips of his ears on fire. His face also grew unbearably hot.

“You know the address, you mental piece of human garbage!!! Come over and see where it leads you!!!”

His mind was rushing billion miles per hour. The boiler in his locomotive of a brain was about to blow up. Blood was pounding in his ears, he could literally feel his blood vessels filling up with pure adrenaline, he tasted metal in his mouth and there was something more with that taste. It was...was it?..

Wait, what does sulfur taste like?

He wasn’t listening to Zach’s shoutings on the other end of line anymore. He was paralyzed by that unaccountable fear. He couldn’t say anything, he couldn’t move - every tiny little cell of his body wasn’t answering his commands. It was a trap, he knew that. A blurred burning trap with spurts of flame dancing before him, licking his calves sending anguishing sensations to his muscles and to his brain. There were lizard’s eyes with narrow pupils everywhere, he couldn’t see them, but he was feeling watched by them. He could feel their glares cutting him like it was a straight razor, he could feel cold fingers digging through his head, twining around his eyeballs. And there was a voice - a woman was shouting his name. It was familiar but nontheless it was demanding razor to push deeper and deeper! Cutting him in two, then in four, then…

Deeper!

Deeper!

“DIPPER!!!”

In a heartbeat he was back into Mabel’s room in their Brooklyn flat; her was dragged him out of that horrifying vision. He was kneeling before the bed, clenching bedcover with his right hand and his cellphone with his left. He was breathing through gritted teeth loudly and heavily.

What was real out of all that?..

The only thing - her voice. A concerned voice of Mabel still calling his name, in which he could hear that she was on the verge of breaking into tears. She was scared - perhaps he and Zach woke her up with their banter and scared her a lot. And his heavy breathing distorted by the transmitter apparently wasn’t helping at all.

Keep it together, Pines, keep it together! Shake off this nightmare and tell her that you’re safe, that you’re fine.

Are you, though?

Yes! I’m fine, I’m totally fine!

But what about B…

He’s dead!!! He’s long gone!!! Mabel’s safe, she’s not dragged away from me into another dimension! She’s here, she’s actually relatively close.

I need to catch my breath. Okay, one in and one out...here we go…

“Dipper, please! Say something! Say something to me!” he could practically see the first teardrop rolling down her tender rosy cheek. “Dipper, I’m begging you!”

“Mabes, I...” at least the voice is...yep, it’s mine “I...my battery...it died so I had to walk home and...”

“Bro-bro, what are talking about?”

“I was staying late...so s’why I couldn’t...couldn’t come to dinner...yeah...I’m sorry. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“Please tell me you’re okay, Dipper. Please tell me that.”

“Yeah, I am...Totally, Mabes, totally...”

“Are you sure?”

He gulped nervously listening to his unsteady breathing.

Telling lies again? Way to g…

“Yes, Mabel, everything’s well I swear” he tried to sound as calm as he could “I...s-sorry for waking you up.”

And he ended the call.

Splendid, my man.

Is that so hard to do? I said shut the fuck up. I need a drink.

***

On Friday he finally made it to work. Dressed in a black hoodie covered in stains of various food and sauces, worn out unwashed trousers of same color he was kind of a ghost to everyone else in the editorial office - no one would bother themselves waving him hello or even noticing him. He was sitting at his small desk in the open space surrounded by stacks of papers and office supplies. Obviously he forgot to take his laptop with him as well as his wallet. For some reason only valuable thing he had then was the most inappropriate one - his driver’s license, which was laying on the desk with his cellphone with already cracked screen.

Time was approaching lunch but food wasn’t even in top ten of his priorities. Frankly he could hardly remember when was the last time he actually consumed something apart from alcohol and cigarettes. Was it that morning? Or the morning before? And does a peanut butter and jelly toast count as food?

All that was in the background of his mind at that moment. The main screen of his mind was displaying various footage soaked with anxiety; each minute a bunch of viewers were collectively advising the main character on the white screen to take right turn or left or to head straight. And footages were constantly changing.

For the first time fear and pain started blending. Only one component was left…

“Pines!” a familiar voice called out for him. At least someone noticed his presence.

Paul Hempstead - the chief editor of essays department - was slowly approaching his desk, scanning through a stack of papers in his hands slowly.

“Good to see you again. Caught a bad cold?” he switched his attention from papers to his employee.

“My god” he gasped “What happened to your face?”

“I fell” Dipper said with colorless voice not even raising his eyes to look at editor.

“Right, you fell” as if taking a hint responded Paul “Okay, I won’t ask. I have a job for you. Are you going to lunch? I’ll explain while eating.”

“No, I’m not going” Dipper’s voice still wasn’t displaying any emotions.

Looking bewildered Paul stared at him as if thinking of whether or not he’s likely to ask any other questions about reasons. Dipper stayed motionless looking right before him into the void.

“Yeah, you’re right. Better right here” the editor fished a paper out of stack in his hands and laid it before Dipper. “A letter from a concerned mother. Her son’s getting oppressed by his scholl mates - he’s part of a certain subculture so his mother wants us to make it sound to the society. The letter is for gist, I wanted you to go there and find all the details. I assigned a photographer to them - he will be going on Monday. Your task is for today so we have our fresh essay on Tuesday. It’s in Huntington - you’ll be done in 3 or 4 hours.”

“Okay” followed a similarly lifeless answer.

Hempstead was expecting for something more verbose.

“Ho-o-ka-y” he slowly echoed stretching syllables “There are bus routes but car is easier. Works for you?”

He waved his hand at Dipper’s driving license.

“I don’t have a car”

“Oh. That’s wise, probably - such a big busy city...You can take a shared car. There’re lots of them on every corner. What do you say? Besides that way you’ll clear your evening.”

“I forgot my wallet home.”

Paul started losing hope.

“That’s a misfortune...Look, you can go to accountants and ask them for a prepayment. In fact...” He fished his wallet out of his trousers pocket and laid three 100 dollars bills before Dipper “Here, you’ll return on a payday. Just take your time to prepare, you know - go home, take a nap, change and all...”

Dipper lowered his eyes to look at the money and nodded slightly.

“Thank you Mr Hempstead” and added after second or two: “Can I go now?”

“For sure, Pines, for sure. Just don’t forget - deadline’s on Tuesday”

Not waiting for a response Paul rushed further down the aisle.

Dipper gave that money a look one more time, then grabbed it and his belongings from his desk and headed for exit.

When he was already at the door his phone buzzed. Even not looking at the screen he was already imagining her cute face, how she bit down her bottom lip waiting for him answer and twisting on of her locks.

This time he decided not to make the same mistake twice. He took his phone out of pocket, cleared his throat and tapped the green button.

***

He was standing naked and wet after taking a shower before the mirror in his bathroom examining his reflection. His cheeks started sinking, right cheekbone was bruised after he met wooden floor with it. He stopped caring about his hair long ago, there were scattered spots of messy stubble here and there. His shoulders were hunched even more than he remembered.

For the past two months Dipper got used to an idea that he wouldn’t see anything good in his reflection but every time it was really important to him to examine his appearance carefully. He still harboured some hope that eventually an alarm in his brain would break out he would start working on at least the simplest plan for recovery.

Not to say it wasn’t happening any time.

He was still feeling saturated after eating some fried eggs with bacon as soon as he came home from work. Even 6 hours of sleep he plunged into as soon as he laid down didn’t manage to drain that feeling but regained his somewhat mental and physical forces a bit.

He’s already failed Paul’s task, cause it was 9 in the evening and there’s no point to drive anywhere. That meant that he was in need to find some distraction to prevent his mind from once again spiralling down into anxiety and crimson blur.

Maybe I can use some fresh air. Like go to Central Park or cinema - anything but once again play ghost at the river’s embankment.

A vision appeared before his eyes - that one, that refused to go away for almost two months then. He was with her, hand in hand slowly moving across the park paths, he gently squeezes her hand, then lets it go only to hug her shoulders with it, she smiles, lays her head on his shoulder, their steps become slower, more relaxed…

Dipper downed a full glass of whiskey. The amber liquid started warming his chest, his stomach. It was such a false warmth that if he closed his eyes he could feel it as a light breeze, stuck between tree trunks in the heart of the park. He could feel it as her warm and gentle hands caressing his chest, so tiny and tender compared to sizes of her sweater…

Not exactly registering he downed another glass.

This is insane. You are! You can take her back, you can’t explain her anything! You can’t give her anything but your warmth!

Wouldn’t that be enough? Is there anybody who can give it to her?

No. NO!

No one can do that! No one will protect her but me!

Another glass downed.

Only I know her that much! Only I saw what this unfair world full of violences can do to her!

Another glass.

I fought demon for her! And I won! I saved my Mabel! My sweet, lovely Mabel.

Another.

What if he lives?

Impossible. He perished.

Yeah, but what if he survived?

He started drinking straight from the bottle.

What’s the matter? Are you scared? Oh, you should be. What were you thinking - you’ve jumped from that cliff once and that’s it? So you can sit around, having your time?

Shut up…

He knew there’s a car outside. And he’s got the keys. Also he knows what lies in his bottom drawer covered with kitchen blankets.

No, you shut up and listen. You abandoned her. Left her so that clown now can do whatever he wants. Do you know who he is? Have you spent a spare second studying what kind of man he is?

Shut up.

He tried to walk steadily and failed. A brass knuckles in his right pocket - a gift from Gruncle Stan - and bottle of whiskey in left hand weren’t helping in balancing at all. He got into a shared vehicle. If only he could start the engine…

Bravo! Just perfect, my boy! Guess what - you’ve got fooled! How hilarious is that?

Shut up.

He turned the engine but the impulse died instantly.

Our Big Master Dipper - a threat to all monsters and demons…

Shut up!

Another turn. And one more...Come on!

…a famous mysteries solver got fooled by some pathetic equilateral one-eyed…

SHUT UP!!!

PINETREE!!!

The engine roared coming to life. Dipper accelerated steering the car to the north-west away from the city - to a small countryside place in suburbs called New City.

#chasing ghosts #pinecest #not a statement at all

[artificialqueens]

Convenient Denial Ch. 1 (Biadore) - Valencia

AN: FINALLY IT ME, THE BIADORE HOLIDAY FIC <3 I’m sorry it’s taken so long, it’s my first time writing fanfic so please let me know how I’m doing - I’d love to get any feedback/constructive criticism :)) The next two chapters are going to be super smutty with a sprinkling of angst/fluff and I think it’ll probably be around 4-5 chapters in total (I might write a pure fluff epilogue as well to finish it off depending on if you guys like it)

Thanks heaps for reading, love Valencia x

Blurb: Roy is convinced the only reason why he misses Danny so much is because they’re such good friends - nothing more, nothing less. Danny is supposedly well over the silly crush he used to have on Roy back in Season 6. As they go on holiday together, feelings surface that neither quite know how to deal with.

Chapter 1

The tensely corded muscles in Roy’s neck and his constant stress headaches are a blaring sign that he needs a holiday. He always a bit on edge lately, but surprisingly he’s been in a good mood the last couple of days –since Adore’s father’s day post. Danny always knows how to make him smile, and the annual father’s day post dedicated to him never fails to do so. Roy can’t quite pinpoint why, but he’s missing Danny more than usual especially after seeing his latest photos online. Not for the first time, he scrolls through Adore’s instagram feed, trying to ignore the way his eyes lingers on the more racy pics. A stupid grin refuses to leave his face as he clicks on Adore’s post to him. He reads the cute caption over twice before letting himself look at their photo. His heart tugs as he sees adorably rumpled Danny. They both look so happy, so content and comfortable in each other’s company. He misses the days during and after Season 6 when it seemed like his entire world was Adore and Courtney. Now all the time they get together is a group dinner every couple of months if they’re lucky. And barely any time with Danny.

Danny’s the one person he misses the most when he’s on the road. He knows exactly when to make him laugh, and when to stay quiet - even though he never actually does, and he’s a pro at reading him right back whenever Roy dishes it out. No one knows Roy Haylock, or Bianca Del Rio as well as Danny does, and that’s why they’re the closest of friends. He just wishes sometimes they could be like normal best friends, be able to walk over to each other’s houses whenever they feel like it and spend lazy Sundays watching trash reality shows, gossiping about their co-workers and painting their nails. He can’t remember the last time they saw each other for more than a couple days.  

Feeling unreasonably sorry for himself, he pushes all thoughts of Danny away. He’s lucky to be given this opportunity to travel the world, he firmly reminds himself, and he’s worked so hard to get to where he is now. But even Roy can tell he’s overworked and stressed, especially judging by the fact that he’s getting all soppy over something as small as missing his friend. He definitely needs a fucking holiday. The thought of a holiday has plagued his mind the last year or so but he’s never let himself commit to going. He dislikes being on a plane a second longer than needed but if he stays at home he knows he’ll end up working again, doing taxes or some other mundane task. Roy decides he has to go relax and unwind, have some drinks and maybe a massage or two - hopefully that’ll work all this tension out of his system.

He trawls the internet, researching destinations and browsing through idyllic beachfront resort photos. For some reason he doesn’t really feel that excited. After some thought he realises he can’t just sit alone in his own company for a week, he’ll be bored out of his mind. But on the other hand, he generally prefers his own company over others. Except for… No.. he can’t take Danny, can he? He mentally checks Adore’s schedule; refusing to admit to himself that it’s kinda stalkerish that he knows her entire upcoming month off by heart. He tells himself that he’s always made an effort to keep tabs on her career only because he’s incredibly proud of her success but it goes deeper than Roy likes to acknowledge - he mainly just likes to know where Danny is, especially when he’s not home. Adore isn’t touring at the moment but she’s fully booked around the States. What if he asks and Danny doesn’t think spending time together is important enough to miss his prior work commitments? Danny’s biggest pet peeve is being called lazy based on his punk drag and throws himself into his work to prove everyone wrong. Roy can’t do it, he’s so nervous even the thought of that conversation makes his stomach lurch. He knows he isn’t going to be able to face the rejection that may follow. With the idea of a holiday dismissed yet again, he pours himself a bitterly strong drink and slowly starts painting his eyes like a racoon for Bianca’s evening show.

The idea of Danny and Roy on vacation together buzzes around in Bianca’s head all night, no matter how hard she tries to concentrate on her comedy gig. Can’t help but get a little lost in the thoughts of having breakfast with Danny every single morning for seven days. Hearing Danny’s sunny laughter when he succeeds in making the younger man laugh and being able to say “See you tomorrow” and actually mean it. Bianca glugs through her drinks like a deprived alcoholic the entire show, trying and failing miserably to get Danny out of her head. Slowly everything starts to get a bit hazy, but that does little to repress the thoughts she’s been attempting to ignore. After a couple more drinks after the show has ended, with yet another stiff drink in hand, he finds himself picking out their seat selection so Danny can sit next to the window.

Roy wakes up the next morning to a pounding headache and a flight confirmation in his email inbox. His stomach slightly twists as he reads over the details.

Holiday resort package for two - Bali - one week.

Paranoia takes over, and he’s wondering how he’s going to break it to Danny - would Danny think it’s weird? Would he assume that Roy is just old and lonely, trying to buy company? Fuck. The older man doesn’t want to hear the hesitant ‘Sorry, I’ve got a lot going on right now’ from his lips, and the guilty ‘oh no, I feel so bad for wasting your tickets’ that will follow. Well. The tickets are already bought so he commands himself to suck it up, grow a pair and let Danny know. It’s his choice what he wants to do.

“I’ve got tickets. A week holiday, from this weekend.” Danny isn’t surprised at the early morning call from Roy or the lack of a greeting. “Oh my god cool! Where to?” “I won them.” He blurts out. Where the fuck did that come from? The white lie just slips out, his subconscious clearly a tad too insecure to tell him the full truth. Danny laughs, “You fucking lucky bitch. I guess once a winner always a winner.” “Guess that’s what happens when you’ve got talent.” Roy retaliates. A characteristic scream laugh from Danny’s end of the line. “Lucky for me I get to enjoy your benefits. So who’s the real winner bitch?” Roy’s laughing into the phone and Danny’s chest elates - he loves making Roy laugh.  He can’t remember the last time someone besides Roy has made him this goofily happy.

“So you wanna come?” “Fuck yeah, I’m down.” It’s only after Roy hangs up he realises with a grin that Danny has agreed to come without even knowing where they were going.

The second his call with Roy ends he’s calling his manager and cancelling the week block. There must be something in his voice, an urgency perhaps, that makes his manager silent for a few seconds on the phone rather than a straight up ‘what the fuck?!’ “You’re sure?” She asks dubiously. Danny’s never asked for time off before. “Yeah man, I really need some time, you know, to take care of myself.” She agrees to postpone whatever she can and Danny is thinking to himself that the stars have finally aligned. He gets Roy all to himself in paradise for a whole week - for free too! They’re going to have time to talk for fucking hours and do every single thing he misses doing with Roy. It’s gonna be fucking epic.

*  * *  * * *  * * * *

Roy tells Danny a later flight time so he knows the messy man won’t be packed. He drags Danny off to the airport with just a carry on each, haphazardly packed last minute. “Do you know what my deepest, darkest fantasy is?” Roy says suggestively, quirking a brow. Danny brain stutters for a split second - god yes, he wants to hear every single one of Roy’s dirty fantasies. “Wha?” He cringes at how he breathless he sounds as soon as the word is out of his mouth but thankfully Roy doesn’t seem to notice. “Travelling with just a tiny ass carry on!” Roy says with a laugh. Danny nods in full agreement, suppressing the tinge of disappointment he feels when he realises the latino man isn’t talking about anything remotely sexual. “Yeah girl, if we’re hauling their asses back on a plane we’re gonna do it without 5 motherfucking suitcases of drag.”

*  * *  * * *  * * * *

“Does our room have a balcony?” Danny asks with puppy dog eyes. Roy chuckles, and Danny nudges him with his shoulder as they’re walking from the resort lobby to the elevators. “I’m serious! I need a balcony for my morning joints.” “It’s not our room pussyfart, we have our own rooms. We’re famous remember? We can afford it.” Roy sarcastically retorts. Their rooms are side by side, almost identical with a king bed and a ridiculous number of pillows on each. Danny cheekily waits until Roy is unpacked before declaring that he prefers Roy’s balcony and that he better get used to him using it. The two look similar - actually Danny’s room seems to have the better view. Roy doesn’t argue though, he knows Danny will be out on his balcony pretty much 24/7 - and he doesn’t mind at all.

“We made it girl!” Danny flops onto the bed like a mermaid, legs tilted together before stretching out into a starfish and rolling around. “And the flight wasn’t even too bad.” Danny had thoroughly enjoyed the seemingly too short flight, mainly because he had spent most of it with Roy’s head nestled between his neck and shoulder. The show they started watching was so good too, even though half his attention was constantly fixed on how close Roy was to him. They spy the massive pool from their balcony and decide to have a dip, overly excited by the fact the pool also has a built in bar. “Wanna get a drink to celebrate?” Roy asks smiling. Danny jumps up without hesitation, “Party.”

They freshen up and make their way downstairs. Roy’s changed into a pair of khaki shorts that are tighter than usual and Danny’s eyes can’t help but trail down his toned back and linger on his round ass. Danny loves the booty, no matter what size or shape, but goddamn - the curve of Roy’s heart shaped ass is mouthwateringly gorgeous. Ugh, such a gorgeous man with such a gorgeous ass. He pushes the thought out of his head as they enter the outdoor balcony seating, he can’t think of Roy like that. He isn’t allowed to, not after the first time around. There had been a period after Season 6 where he let himself indulge in that fantasy. Mistaking every friendly and affectionate gesture as hidden romantic interest only led to the most painful heartbreak of his life – and it was worse because he never had Roy to begin with, so technically he didn’t even have a loss to mourn. But he’s over it now, and as long as he doesn’t let this thoughts stray to what could’ve been, he’ll be just fine.

They sprawl themselves on reclined lounge chairs, enjoying the luxury of ordering their food and drinks poolside. Impatient to swim, Roy wolfs down his noodles in record time and starts to lather on sunscreen. “Wait 30 minutes girl. I got mad cramps swimming after eating pizza once it was not cute.”  Roy secretly loves that Danny fusses over him a lot of the time but he rolls his eyes for dramatic effect. “No need to mother me.” “I’d rather be daddy actually.” Danny pouts his lips and winks suggestively. Roy lies back down to tan as he waits for the food in his stomach to settle and Danny moves himself closer so they can chat over the noise of the busy pool. They start discussing the drama on the tv show they’ve started on the plane, their unending stream of conversation diverging until they’re somehow giggling at each other’s childhood stories.

They’re so wrapped up in each other and it’s only when the sun is setting in glorious streaks of red and purple that they realise how late it’s become. Not wasting any more time, they jump in; Roy swimming long, powerful strokes while Danny splish splashes around like a flying fish. He keeps accidentally splashing Roy in the face, shrieking and pretending to drown when Roy retaliates. They have handstand competitions and bet drinks on who can hold their breath underwater the longest. Danny always wins despite his smoker lungs and Roy playfully accuses him of cheating, jumping on him and pulling him under. “It’s ‘cause I’m a mermaid.” He says with a theatrical hair flip. Roy shakes his head, “More like a siren. Luring trade to their tragic deaths.” Danny blinks up at him with wet eyelashes and a cheeky smile and Roy can’t stop staring at how fucking perfect his face is. He can’t stop his hammering heart either and even though he knows his heart shouldn’t be beating that fast for a friend, especially Danny, his heart gives zero fucks.

They swim until they’re the only two left in the pool and it feels like their entire bodies are pruned. Roy gets out first to get them towels and as the multicoloured poolside lights reflect off the sheen of water on his body, Danny can’t help but gawk at him. Roy’s wearing a thin loose singlet, and seeing it plastered wet on him is almost more erotic than his bare chest. The clingy see through shirt defines the lean muscles of his torso, not leaving much to the imagination yet not revealing everything. God, his thoughts turn dirty so quick it makes his head spin and Danny gets hard as his eyes trail down to where Roy’s tight shorts do nothing to conceal his bulge. He’s trying to think of repulsive and un-sexy things like centipedes and people getting run over by a bus but his efforts get lost in a sea of filthy fantasies where Roy and him share the starring role.

“Let’s go back up, the pool’s closing down. I think the cleaners are getting a bit impatient waiting on us.” Roy’s standing by the edge of the pool, ready to go. Danny shakes his head, wracking his brain for an excuse to stay in a bit longer until he can get his problem under control. His face is an open book and it slowly dawns on Roy why he’s blushing and refusing to get out. “Oh my god are you haard?” Roy teases with a chuckle, his voice involuntarily deepening. “No it’s just- it’s not because of anything- it’s just like- one of those random boners you get you know? When you’re in one position for ages and then you move suddenly-” He’s rambling nervously, looking anywhere but Roy which the older man is thankful for - or else he would’ve noticed Roy heatedly staring at the outline of his hardened cock pressing against his swimming shorts. Roy forces himself to look away. “C’mere, I’ll block you. The cleaners are coming over to tell us to go.” He holds out a towel for him as Danny sheepishly gets out, avoiding all eye contact. Roy thinks to himself that red-faced, embarrassed Danny is probably one of the cutest things he’s ever seen - and accidentally-hard Danny is definitely the sexiest.

#bianca del rio #adore delano #biadore #fluff #angst #valencia #rpdr fanfiction #canon compliant #convenient denial

[pink-enby-in-distress]

I posted 1,704 times in 2021

80 posts created (5%)

1624 posts reblogged (95%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 20.3 posts.

I added 45 tags in 2021

#actuallyadhd - 7 posts

#chronic pain - 6 posts

#adhd - 6 posts

#nonbinary - 5 posts

#vent - 4 posts

#trans - 4 posts

#toxic mother - 4 posts

#? - 3 posts

#actuallyneurodivergent - 3 posts

#actually autistic - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 130 characters

#n i feel like those ppl that do live off their land doing whatever they want without having to work for someone else are 98% white

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

so, i think, im pretty sure? im Autistic. I looked at the DSM-5, highlighted my traits. Looked at camoflauging tactics, or ways afab Autistic people often mask, highlighted my ways. Looked at differences in AFAB Autistic people, higlighted my things. Ive had these traite since I was a lot younger (im only 15 so like, since at least 4-5 is when i remember). Ive always been "weird", n it was like everyone else always has the directions, and i was the only one without. N then, some tiktoks about underdiagnosed ASD in women caught my interesttt.

i have a therapist! that i can ask to get professionally diagnoseddd. but i dont,, wanna do thattt. bc i dont want my mom to immensely refuse the fact that i might be. And ik the rest of my family will too. Like she did for 2 years until my previous therapist called her ass out, and i started failing school this year- also, i dont feel comfortable enough to tell my new therapist yet, i think im gonna wait a bit. a few more sessions? maybe til im 17-18.

So for now, im just gonna self diagnose, like i did for ADHD for 2 years, before i finally got officially diagnosed. bc idek if i want that on my records bc ik,, ppl can fuck me over bc ik if i get that diagnosis,, n ik a fuck ton of stuff is gonna changeee. and im not ready for that

(If you have any links n sites for me to do more research, pls feel free to send me some or reply!! im still kinda feelin bad about this so,, more confirmation before i go to my psychologist would help:)

9 notes • Posted 2021-04-24 20:40:54 GMT

#4

i dont like a lot of my adhd (well tbh mostly the rapid mood swings and rsd)

but the intense happiness is nice:) idk if it's the fact that im just,, happy,, or bc i think bc im so happy if i was with another person id be sharing that happiness.

but it's nice to hear one part of a song that makes you see stars or rewinding something over and over again bc it just makes you giggle that much. or because that was the best book youve ever read and now you have to go on a research high. or how that video was s o good you just have to do a little dance and maybe some vocal stims bc how could you not.

sometimes it gets too much,, bc it can feel like it's bursting out. it's s o intense it might be nervewracking. not painful, but yeah uncomfortable. your heart is so full and your chest is about to burst from how happy you are.

but for the most part,, i like it:)

10 notes • Posted 2021-06-21 12:20:23 GMT

#3

I just wanna be able to lock my door pls,,, it just makes me feel safe. can't i even do that? please?

11 notes • Posted 2021-07-14 13:56:41 GMT

#2

i would love to see more Autisic BF x ADHD GF n itd be Flint Lockwood and Sam Sparks pls and thank you

theres so much stuff n stories there- Ah they make me so happyy

29 notes • Posted 2021-04-17 13:27:28 GMT

#1

so my solution for my internalized ableism category: is it laziness (tho im trying not to use that word anymore w myself) or executive dysfunction?

ive decided,, if i can do it rn, i just dont feel like doing it, but i still need to so i will.

if i cannot do it, it is executive dysfunction. if i have tried, and i just cant and feel intense frustration, anxiety, and possibly exhausted, it's executive dysfunction

yes ik this is exactly the definition of executive dysfunction but it's only now clicking w me and im only now getting over it so shhhhhh alsjsjahsgsgdhgs

36 notes • Posted 2021-05-01 02:21:00 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #long post #this is #interesting lol #im surprised my number one top post isnt something different

[littledonkeyburrito]

I enjoy enjoying things

1. what’s your favorite way to dress? Tshirt and jeans usually. I also like wearing a button up shirt with a sweater. Shoes are usually converse.

2. if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? I’d have a larger bank account

3. what movie/game/etc. helps you calm down? Comedies or light hearted shows. I don’t often get into shows that don’t have humour. Games, I’m currently playing Dragon Age which is pretty fun. I like bright colours and I enjoy being able to roam around picking plants and finding neat stuff.  4. what does your room smell like? Nothing. I air out my apartment a lot because I don’t like it smelling like me or food or dirty laundry. I have doors and windows open right now. 5. do you like to organize? Not specifically. I mean, my apartment is pretty neat but I don’t go out of my way to organise stuff.

6. what kind of music would you listen to if you could only choose one? Latin pop probably

7. what song is your aesthetic? idk 8. what color do you think goes best with your personality? I have no idea. 9. do you believe in auras? No. 10. what do you wish you hated, but actually like? There’s nothing that I wish I hated. I enjoy enjoying things. 11. vague about your crush(es) I don’t have any 12. is there someone you have mixed feelings towards? Nobody comes to mind 13. talk about an au or story you came up with When I was a kid I wrote a story called “Little Ricky Sumwat and His Pack of Little Lies” that was basically a boy who cried wolf type thing. He lied a lot and then nobody believed him when his step-dad turned out be an alien and murdered his dog. Also he healed his dead dog with his tears after telling the truth. I think in the end the alien step-dad was benevolent and only killed the dog to teach ricky about honesty. So uhh... that’s what I was up to as a kid. 14. do you like makeup? Nah 15. do you prefer space or the ocean? ¿Por qué no los dos? 16. if you could pick any planet besides earth, where would you live? One with civilisation - so obvs I don’t know the name of it. I ain’t about to go live on dusty rock on my own. 17. what form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.) I don’t give a fuck.  18. what animal would you keep as a pet, if you could? I want pet rats. I’m considering asking my landlord if I can keep small caged pets in my apartment. Only thing is that it’s a 2-3 year commitment to staying in Australia and I don’t know that I’ll be here for that long. 19. what do you think our purpose is in the universe? Biologically, to procreate and continue the species. I’ll probably fail that but I’ll have fun in the meantime. 20. do you believe in god(s)? Nope 21. is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? Sometimes a song is just too catchy and I know that if I listen to it it’ll be in my head for days. I can’t think of any off the top of my head though. 22. what ex do you miss the most, if you have one? I don’t think he counts as an ex but I miss the guy I had a fling with in central america. 23. do you like soft, fluffy blankets or rough/smooth blankets? Can’t a blanket be soft AND smooth? Anyway, I like blankets that keep me warm. 24. what is your favorite thing to learn about? I enjoy learning spanish 25. what country’s history do you find the most interesting? I don’t know much about history. But I do know that Spain democratically elected to become communist and then they were too busy having a civil war to participate in ww2. 26. what do you think about genderbent ____ (insert someone here) Don’t care 27. what breakup was the hardest, if you had one? None. I haven’t had any serious relationships so mostly they can’t even really be counted as actual breakups. 28. do you have someone where you can’t decide if you like them romantically or just as a friend? I used to get confused about that a lot when I was a teenager but not so much anymore.  29. what do you think about tumblr discourse? Don’t care 30. what instrument do you wish you could master? If it was like an instant overnight thing, maybe piano. If we’re including all the hard work that goes into it, drums. I’d like to play drums again but I haven’t played much since I left school. 31. how easy is it for you to be honest? Quite. I don’t like lying, it makes me uncomfortable. 32. do you have any strange interests? Probably but I can’t think of anything off the top of my head. 33. do you have any strange fears? As a kid I was terrified of sparklers and I still have absolutely no idea why. I also had a phobia of horses until I was about 18. 34. what food do you binge on when you’re lazy? Whatever I have in the cupboard I guess 35. when you get angry, how do you show it? I very rarely get angry but when I do get super mad I am basically paralysed for a bit - can’t move, can’t talk, and then sometimes self-harm. Fortunately, I am a super chill person so I’ve been that mad probably less than a dozen times since I’ve been an adult. Used to happen a lot more as a teen, mostly because my brother knows exactly how to piss me off. 36. do you have any impulsive movements? (twitches, ticks, flapping, etc.) I had a few ticks as a kid - jaw twitching, weird eye movements, and I kinda still do throat clearing and some odd finger movements. My brother was convinced I had tourettes when we were young. idk, maybe I did. 37. what do you listen to music on? Phone mostly 38. are you left brained or right brained? I don’t know. 39. earbuds or headphones? I prefer headphones but only at home because they’re bulky to take places. 40. do you like light blankets or heavy blankets? Light I suppose

#Other potential titles: #Also he healed his dead dog with his tears #I ain’t about to go live on dusty rock

[noona-la-la-la]

Look.  I don’t really do these.  Because I’m secretive and anti-social.  I have my reasons.

But since @avveh has asked before for me to come out from the shadows just a little bit -- I’ll do this one.  All answers will be honest... but I reserve the right to just say “fuck it” and stop at any point.  Also... 85 QUESTIONS??? I might end up falling asleep in the middle of this.  It’s been a long day y’all.

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people. 

I’m not tagging anyone because I’m cranky as hell and I don’t even know 20 people.  That said, if anyone is reading this and does it -- let me know because I’m actually interested in everyone’s responses.  I’m contrarian like that.

Answers under the cut...

last

1. drink - Orange flavored LaCroix (sparkling water)

2. phone call - my mother

3. text message - my boss’ boss (aka the Vice President of my department)

4. song you listened to - Adore by Amy Shark

5. time you cried - Last week when I was watching Go Back Couple.  All the scenes where the female lead was with her mother made me think about how close I was to losing my own mother this year. Fuck! Now I want to cry again!

ever

6. dated someone twice - Yes. I’ve done it in more than one failed relationship.  I dated one guy THREE times. I suck at life.

7. kissed someone and regretted it - Nope. YOLO!

8. been cheated on - Yes.  Fuck that guy.

9. lost someone special - Yes.

10. been depressed? - Yes.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - Once.  I have spent a lifetime priding myself on knowing when to stop.  But then there was that one time that I was at a gay pride parade and not paying attention to how many times my friend refilled my drink and then next thing you know, I’m covered in rainbow stickers, arguing with these religious protesters about the real meaning of Sodom and Gomorrah, and then dancing in the street while crying about how everything is just this big beautiful celebration of love... oh yeah, then I puked.

fave colours

12. green

13. pink

14. yellow (honestly, I just like colors.  All of them.)

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - meh.  Not really.

16. fallen out of love - no.

17. laughed until you cried - Oh yeah.

18. found out someone was talking about you - I walked into work this morning and the head of another department looked at me and said “I was just talking about you!”  But I don’t think that is what they meant by this question.  So... no.

19. met someone who changed you - Not in any profound sense.

20. found out who your friends are - I already knew who my friends are.

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - Nope.  But I did stop using facebook this year.

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - All of them.  

23. do you have any pets - No.

24. do you want to change your name - Not unless I have to.  I do have a series of pseudonyms planned out in case I need to change identities unexpectedly.  Like to escape the mob or evade the government.

25. what did you do for your last birthday - Honestly I don’t remember.  Probably hid in my apartment and cried because of how old I’m getting.

26. what time did you wake up today - 5:30am.  Then again at 7:00am.  Then again at 8:00am.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - Sending emails to coworkers in England and Singapore.

28. what is something you can’t wait for - I’m going to Alabama in a few weeks for vacation.

30. what are you listening to right now - The radio.  They are playing The Sweater Song by Weezer right now.  I haven’t heard this in forever.

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - What a strange question.  I’ve talked to many Tom’s.  I was just talking to someone about a person named Tom an hour ago.

32. something that’s getting on your nerves - Those  coworker people in England and Singapore that I was emailing last night.  Three days of emailing back and forth and they can’t make a fucking decision to save their lives. 

33. most visited website - Tumblr, Youtube, Hulu, Dramafever, Google...

34. hair colour - Ashy brown and whatever faded mess is at the ends.  I need to get my hair done desperatgely.

35. long or short hair - Medium?  I don’t know.  Short I guess.

36. do you have a crush on someone - I wish I did.

37. what do you like about yourself - I’m smart-ish.

38. want any piercings? - The holes in my ears just closed because I got too lazy to wear earrings for a long time.  I need to go get them reopened.

39. blood type - Are you looking for a blood donor?  I’ll decline to answer.

40. nicknames - Noona

41. relationship status - going-to-die-alone

42. zodiac - Nope. Not sharing this either.

43. pronouns - me, myself, and I.

44. fave tv shows - I so rarely watch tv.  I’m really only watching Modern Family, Brooklyn 99 and I binged the first two seasons of The Path.

45. tattoos - I have commitment issues, so... no.

46. right or left handed - right.

47. ever had surgery - yes

48. piercings - does it count if they all closed?

49. sport -  walking upright

50. vacation - Where I want to go or where I’ve been? Fave vacations I’ve been on have been Norway and Peru.  

51. trainers - This is so British.  LOL! I don’t care -- whatever fits, looks cute, feels comfortable and isn’t too expensive.

more general

52. eating - Fish sandwich.

53. drinking - Sprite.

54. i’m about to watch - Probably nothing.  Maybe youtube vids.

55. waiting for - The VP of my department to contact me before I try emailing these fuckers in England and Singapore one more time and demand they do what they are supposed to do.  I’m so close to creating an international incident at my company.

56. want - Love, wealth, security, happiness, stability and a chocolate milkshake.

57. get married - I’ve given up on this dream.

58. career - Yes, I have one.

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - Depends who I’m hugging or kissing.  Generally speaking, probably prefer hugs.

60. lips or eyes - I kinda prefer people have both.  But I tend to notice lips first.

61. shorter or taller - shorter or taller than what? This question is irrelevant.

62. older or younger - I’m a thousand years old, so I’m going to say younger.

63. nice arms or stomach - People who have nice stomachs usually have nice arms.  The opposite is not always true.  So stomach.

64. hookup or relationship - relationship.

65. troublemaker or hesitant - troublemaker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - of course

67. drank hard liquor - yes

68. lost glasses - I am missing a pair of glasses right now.  Have you seen them?

69. turned someone down - yes.

70. sex on first date - yes

71. broken someone’s heart - yes.

72. had your heart broken - yes, repeatedly.

73. been arrested - Lol!  I literally paused to think about this.  I’m not sure why - I’ve never been arrested. Just threatened with arrest by grumpy police officers.

74. cried when someone died - yes.

75. fallen for a friend - I’ve become friends with people I fell for first... but not the other way around.

do you believe in

76. yourself - yes

77. miracles - yes.

78. love at first sight - uh... not really. 

79. santa claus - sure, why not

80. kiss on a first date - yep

81. angels - I’m open to the possibility

other

82. best friend’s name - Nope. Not doing this.

83. eye colour - Hazel.  Green with a brown ring around the pupil.

84. fave movie - Grease!!!!!

85. fave actor - Gong Yoo. 

#blah blah blah #rambling