#IM ALMOST AT 8K WHAT THE HELL
Text
JUST NOW 10K??? RAYLA..
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi hi hi could i request a hawk imagine where it’s an enemies to lovers kinda thing, so hawk is still in cobra kai and y/n is in miyagi do. basically tori hurts her and he sees her after and gets protective over her, then they get close and kinda secretly date... something like that haha THANK YOUUU <33333
Do Better — Eli Hawk Moskowitz x Female!Reader
HI OMG IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. I literally had an entirely different fic at like 8k words for this before I decided it didn’t fit close enough to the prompt and I just completely started over and this one was even longer than the first so that’s why it took me literal ages LOL.
includes; swearing, fluff, fighting, so much angst
words; 11,394 (im sorry its a whole ass novel)
this takes place late s2, after demetri and hawk’s friendship ends but before eagle fang forms!
Most of your time in high-school you spent in a bubble, keeping to yourself and just your few friends. You didn’t involve yourself in other people’s crap very often, but when an all-out karate war happened at the end of your junior year, you couldn’t keep lurking in the shadows anymore.
Bullying was becoming heavy at your school, and while you weren’t usually a target, you grew tired of watching other people get hurt. Primarily, by a familiar face to you-- Eli Moskowitz.
Not that you knew him particularly well, but you remembered the shy boy you’d shared classes with, and you always tried your best to be nice to him knowing how others treated him.
You never would’ve thought that now he’d be the bully, destroying the confidence of other kids who were just like him.
“Look at this kid,” He laughed to his friend, Mitch. The two boys were standing in the hall, hovering over a small, scrawny boy who looked terrified. “You wanna be in Cobra Kai? Well, see, we had to be un-flinched first. We can do that for you right now, though. See how much you can take.” He teased, threatening a punch, watching the boy wince at his movement.
When you were in the halls on your way to your next class, you witnessed this horrible incident. You watched for a moment, before deciding that it was time for you to step out of your bubble. “Hey, leave him alone.” You said annoyedly, urging the boys to give it up.
Hawk turned to you and leered, and Mitch pushed the kid against the locker so he wouldn’t move while they dealt with you. “Be careful who you talk to like that, princess.” He moved dangerously close, and despite the feelings of anger you had towards him, your stomach dropped a little at the nickname.
Not letting it affect you, you came back bitterly. “Oh yeah? And who am I talking to, Eli?” His face contorted in disgust at the use of his real name. “You know, it’s sad, how you became everything you used to despise. I remember the other side of you, you were sweet..” You said, smiling to your self in remembrance. “And now look at you.” Looking at him in resentment, you finished.
Turning angrily on his heel at your words, Hawk punched the boy in the face and let him go running. He looked back at you with a look of victory, and Mitch smirked. “You better watch your back.” Hawk said threateningly, and knocked his shoulder into yours as he walked to his class.
Through the rest of the day, Hawk thought about you. He knew who you were; Y/N, the only girl to ever be nice to him during his shier days. He remembered the feeling he got any time you’d talked to him, and also how pretty you looked each time you did.
He had almost forgotten until then, how much he had always admired you. He even wanted to ask you out all that time ago, but now too much has changed. Way too much, clearly, because when the commercial for Miyagi-Do came out, you were quick to join.
It was that interaction with Hawk that really set you off, actually. You wanted to be able to stop the cruelty, and you thought that joining Miyagi-Do for defense would be a good start.
Little did you know, the rivalry would only grow.
As weeks passed, Miyagi-Do gained students and flourished. But in the meanwhile, Cobra Kai only got rougher, angrier, and just.. worse, in general.
You had done your best to avoid fights, (like a true Miyagi-Do would) but on a particularly bad day of yours, you were unlucky enough to find yourself running into Tory outside of school.
Being close friends with Sam, you knew to stay clear of Tory after hearing what she did to her. You thought Tory was a vile human being, though, and if she were to start anything-- she was probably the one person you wouldn’t hesitate to absolutely destroy.
When on your way to the dojo, you took a pit stop at a convenience store to pick up some snacks since you had some time to kill between after school and when practice started. You were met with an unpleasant surprise on your way out, when you saw Tory approaching the store.
The two of you made eye contact as you crossed paths, and you decided to ignore her and keep walking. Until, as you walked past each other, Tory stuck out her leg and tripped you over the concrete pathway.
“Are you kidding me, bitch?” You pushed yourself up, scoffing at her, and she smiled maniacally. “What’d you just call me?” She teased, obviously looking for a fight.
As much as you wanted to stay calm, you were pushed over the edge. “You heard me, bitch.” You repeated, letting her know you were not afraid. “What’s your problem? I keep away from you and you just can’t help yourself from starting something. I’ve never even done anything to you.” You confronted Tory, looking for an explanation for her behavior.
It was true, you’d hardly ever interacted with her-- but since you’re in Miyagi-Do and friends with Sam, she just didn’t like you. And Tory being Tory, if she didn’t like someone, she was going to be a bitch about it.
She laughed at your attempt to reason with her, and looked at you in self-satisfaction. “I just think it’d be fun to watch you bleed.” She seemed proud at the insult, stepping forward threateningly-- but you thought it was pretty lame.
Clearly, she had no real answer for the questions you asked her. She was far gone in her own world, using only anger to dictate her decisions.
You had let out a disappointed sigh, shaking your head, and turned to simply leave the situation, remembering that it wasn’t worth it. But Tory had other plans.
She grabbed your wrist, twisting it painfully forcing your body to face her. You quickly rotated it to release yourself from her grip, and punched her in the face with your newly freed hand.
“Leave me alone, Tory. This fighting for no reason crap is bullshit.” You said, stepping out of her proximity and holding your fists up in case of needed defense. Tory felt blood trickle from her nose, and as she wiped it from her face, she threw you a sickening sneer.
Seemingly avid on letting her rage out on you, she only continued. “You’re pathetic.” She cackled, taking a swing at you. You blocked this, but the movement left an opening for her to then kick your stomach, which sent you to the ground.
Before you could manage to get up again, she was hovering over you, punching your face repeatedly. It wasn’t until the pain was sinking in that you finally gained enough power to push her off, rolling forward and pinning her down tightly.
You grabbed a fistful of her hair, turning her face towards the ground. “Give it up, Tory.” She stayed quiet, breathing heavily, until she used her remaining strength to free her arm and dig her elbow into your side.
You fell back at this, and you were now both sat on the ground, mere inches from each other. “Seriously, I mean what’s the point? What are you gaining from this besides a couple of bruises?” You stood up, asking again.
You genuinely wanted to know, what could make a person so heartless. You had done nothing to provoke her, yet she was so intent on hurting you. Your question had unfortunately only sparked her rage again, the way you acted so ‘above it all,’ in Tory’s mind made her only angrier.
She rose, charging towards you for another strike, when the owner of the convenience store came out. “What the hell is this? Do I need to call the police?” The man asked. He had caught you in the blocking position of Tory’s attack, and she bitterly pushed herself off of you.
“You got lucky.” She spat, walking back towards the store she was originally on her way into. “Think about it, Tory! Why?” You yelled as she walked away, wanting your final words to sink into her.
You assured the owner that you were fine, and that he didn’t need to get the cops involved. You took out your phone and checked your complexion in the front camera, cringing seeing the cuts and bruises from Tory’s punches all over your face.
But remembering the bloody nose you had given her in your first punch, you smiled to yourself. Looking at your phone’s clock, you had certainly killed the time, but much more than you had wanted to. You were going to be late, so you texted Sam, alerting her that you got in a fight (sparing the details for later,) and that you would be late to practice.
You figured you could just clean up your cuts when you got home, it wasn’t a big deal, probably. But on your walk to the dojo, a passing car slowed at the sight of you. You started walking faster, instantly assuming the worst, but when the window rolled down, you heard a familiar, extremely unpleasant voice. Hawk.
“On your way to practice, huh? Still no car?” He taunted, knowing you still hadn’t saved up enough to buy your own. You glanced at him and rolled your eyes, continuing to walk down the sidewalk. How many enemies were you going to bump into today?
That was when he noticed your face. “Jesus, Y/N, what happened to you?” He laughed, fully stopping the car. You halted and responded annoyedly, “Tory happened. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be late.” Turning back towards the walkway, you continued down the street.
But before you could get far, Hawk had gotten out of his car and caught up to you. “You’re not seriously headed to the dojo like that are you?” He said confusedly, trying to keep up with your pace.
You looked at him like his question was stupid, and continued walking. At your ignoring of him, he pushed his point further. “You need to clean those cuts.” He said, still following close behind you as you walked.
“Since when do you care?” You said irritated, continuing to disregard the boy’s words. At this, he finally stopped following. “You know what, fine.” He stood, speaking sharply, and you looked at him curiously at his abruptness. “Just trying to help, or, be nice or whatever.” He muttered aggravatedly, raising his hands in mocking surrender at your attitude.
You had ignored his concerns, because quite honestly you didn’t believe he was actually concerned. You had assumed it was some sort of set up for a new insult, or a way to just mess up your face even more.
“Oh yeah? That’s pretty unusual for you, isn’t it?” You said rudely, engaging back in the conversation. Hawk pursed his lips together and shifted uncomfortably.
You didn’t know it, but Hawk still cared about you. He may have changed, but his feelings for you hadn’t— as much as he tried to get them to. And right now, seeing you hurt, and since there was nobody around to judge him for it, he wanted to help you.
“Look, I’ve got some first aid stuff in my car. Let me help.” He stayed where he was, not wanting to provoke you, and spoke softly, nudging his head towards his car.
You narrowed your eyes looking at him, feeling skeptical of accepting the invitation. He noticed your hesitation, but did not back down, looking at you expectantly for an answer.
You let out an exasperated sigh, and walked towards his car without saying a word. Continuing to argue with him about it seemed like a waste of time to you at this point.
Hawk smiled to himself in relief that you gave in. Hurrying after you, he retrieved the first aid kit from the trunk of his car and ran to open the passenger seat door.
“You wanna sit?” He pointed at the seat, motioning you to take it. You dropped your bag and got in the car, still glaring at Hawk.
He seemed sincere in his intentions, but you really just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Who knows what he could really be planning?
As you took your seat, you reached out to take the kit from Hawk’s grasp. “Hold on,” he said, moving the box away from your reach.
You gave him a bothered look, scrunching your eyebrows in confusion. “Have you ever even done this before?” He said, referring to cleaning up after a fight.
“No?” You shrugged, “It can’t be that hard.” You said impatiently, reaching for the box again. “Can you please just let me do it? I’ll show you how for next time.” He practically pleaded, wanting to make sure it was done right so you healed properly.
You didn’t understand why it was such a big deal to him, but you were tired of going back and forth with him. “Whatever, just make it quick. I’ll miss all of karate class at this rate.” You complained, moving closer to the edge of the seat so Hawk could reach you.
The height of his car made you two the same height, so Hawk was face to face with you as you were seated. “Hmm, miss a Miyagi-Do lesson? I don’t see the problem.” He joked, almost making light of their rivalry.
You smiled lightly at that, playfully rolling your eyes, but not saying anything. He stood close enough to examine your face, and it was close enough to make you both nervous.
It was silent as he opened the kit and started to clean your cuts, but you broke it to ask a question that was burning in you. “Why are you doing this?”
He looked at you for a second, looking reluctant to answer your question. “What do you mean?” He dodged, continuing to tend to your bruises.
You laughed, knowing full well he knew what you meant, but deciding to answer him anyway. “Why are you helping me? We aren’t friends.” You said plainly, making sure to keep your face still.
“I don’t know, you just obviously needed it.” He brushed off the seriousness of the question, starting to dab the cloth over your lip so you couldn’t talk.
You pushed his hand away lightly. “That’s hardly an answer. You’d never help a Miyagi-Do, so why?” You snapped, not letting his hand near your face again until he answered.
He finally took a step back, and stared at you looking defeated. “You’re the only one who was ever nice to me. Before.. this.” He pointed to his hair, referring to the era of The Hawk.
You crossed your arms skeptically. “Aren’t you forgetting someone?” You asked expectantly, and he rolled his eyes. “Demetri’s different, okay? He betrayed me. But you..”
He trailed off, struggling to maintain eye contact with you. “You were never anything but good to me. You deserve better.” He said, and your heart both stung and fluttered at once, trying to figure out what was going on with him.
You wondered if his actions were truly coming from a place of sincerity. It was very unlike him to be anything but an asshole, so hearing something like that come out of his mouth really made you think.
He tried to ignore the sentiment he had just said by walking back towards you and starting to tend to your wounds again, but you only pushed him back for a second time.
“I don’t understand what happened to you.” You said sadly, examining the way he stood. “I changed.” He said monotonously, trying to avoid matching your energy of seriousness.
His hot-and-cold temper was starting to annoy you, the way he would open up just to close right back down again.
“Yeah, and not for the better. Are you even happy?” You said, frustrated, looking at him hard. His face turned sour.
“More than I was before!” He yelled, stepping towards you threateningly. You were taken aback at his outburst, suddenly feeling small as he grew angrier. “My life was hell, remember?” His voice cracked, and he tried to calm himself as he saw the way you leaned back into your seat uncomfortably.
“Look, I’m sorry for keeping you, I probably cleaned you up enough so... just go.” He said softly, sounding regretful as he moved out of the way so you could get out of the car.
You furrowed your brows in confusion. You felt completely clueless on how he was feeling, and you didn’t want to leave it like this. “Hawk-“, you started, but he cut you off. “No, just go.” He pointed away. “I was stupid to think I’d get a second chance with you.” He muttered to himself, turning to walk around to the drivers seat of his car.
“Wh— second chance? What do you mean?” You shouted after him and hopped off the seat, grabbing his arm before he could get too far.
At your tug of his arm, he looked back at you with the most intense feeling in his eyes. Not wanting to use his words anymore, Hawk turned to grab your wrist from the hand that was already resting on his arm, and pulled you against him.
Hawk smashed his lips onto yours, holding you loosely in fear of your rejection. You weren’t expecting it, but you didn’t pull away. Your kiss continued and you subconsciously shuffled backwards, now being able to lean against the side of the car as he grew more passionate in his movements.
Being with him like this felt amazing, but it was confusing, too-- you had to pull away and clear up this situation.
Finally letting each other go, Hawk looked at you with glossy eyes. You had no idea where all of this came from or what to say, so you were silent as you waited for him to explain.
He knew what you were waiting for, and sighed deeply before expressing how he felt. “I just feel like after everything, I owe you my best.” Hawk said quietly, and you waited for him to go on, having not yet made up your mind on the whole situation.
You enjoyed the kiss, yes-- but you didn’t understand why it had happened, and that was something you needed to know before anything could proceed further. Hawk was a jerk, and he was going to have a lot of explaining to do for you to suddenly be able to forget that.
He moved even closer, and reached his hand out to brush your hair away from your face. “And I don’t like seeing you hurt.” He whispered, ghosting his fingers across the bruises on your face.
You felt a shiver down your spine as he touched you, closing your eyes in the moment. “And,” he pulled away from you, his voice changing to a more regular tone again, “I don’t ever want to be the reason you feel pain. Not after all those times you helped me escape mine.” He said, reaching out to hold your hand, as he referred to how you were there for him so long ago.
Pure concern and care for Hawk overtook you as the words left his lips, and you had never felt so conflicted in your life. It made sense to you now why he would often avoid you, whereas others he’d make it his mission to pick fights with.
He had just admitted to caring about you, and that he never wanted to be at fault for your hurt. He had a reputation to uphold, but he really did have a soft spot for you that never went away.
You felt like you were talking to Eli again, as though the sweet boy he once was had never left, but you also knew that once this moment was over, he’d go back to his corrupt ways again. And that terrified you.
All these new feelings for Hawk were rising in you, but how could you act on them when he was supposed to be your enemy?
He studied your expression, waiting for you to say something. He felt more confident now, seeing as you kissed him back, but he was still nervous for whatever you were about to say.
“What do we do?” You spoke shakily, your expression timid and lost. He caressed his thumb over your hand, noticing your own nerves. “What do you mean?” He asked, not expecting that to be your first question.
“I’ve always cared about you and you know that, but then you go through all these changes and become a total dick, and now you kiss me and tell me how you care too.” You say awkwardly, trying to point out the weirdness of the situation. “I’m confused, Hawk, and afraid. We can’t be together when everything about our lives will keep us apart.” You whimpered, scattering your eye contact.
His heart leapt at the mention of you two being together, but frowned once registering the context of the words. He suddenly felt guilty, seeing how distressed you were. Maybe he shouldn’t have done this, he thought.
But it was too late now, and as he released your hand to move forward and hold you, he never wanted to let go.
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled into your ear. He knew his recent actions since joining Cobra Kai weren’t exactly admirable-- he knew he should do better. But it was hard; and all he could muster right now, was an apology.
There was a lot to process in such a short moment of time, and you felt overwhelmed. You felt comforted and safe as he held you, but at the same time you felt wrong for feeling that way.
Maybe he was trying to do right by you, but would that be enough if he continued to act terribly when everyone else was around? You needed some time to think. “I should go.” You pulled away from his grasp, trying to be gentle even though your exit was abrupt.
“Oh,” he nodded, watching as you picked up your karate bag. “I just don’t want everyone at the dojo to worry.” You said, trying to rid the conversation of its tension.
He was trying to play it cool, but he was screaming on the inside, terrified that once you left you would never talk to him again. “Just promise you’ll fix that when you get home.” Referring to your still-slightly-messed-up face, he urged you, unable to refrain from making sure you took care of yourself.
You smiled sadly and nodded in response, feeling awkward about everything as you turned to walk back on your route towards the dojo. “And um,” You looked back at him once more. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” You said, assuming he wouldn’t want his Cobra Kai friends to find out he had kissed a Miyagi-Do.
His heart broke when you said this-- you basically thought he was ashamed of you? In a way you were right, he didn’t want them to know. But the guilt that spread across his face at your words, showed how badly he wanted to tell everyone just how much he liked you.
Clearing his throat, he tried to pull himself together again. “Right, yeah. See you.” He said, and watched you for a moment as you walked away.
Getting back into his car, he fought the emotions threatening to spill out, and pushed them away as he headed home. He couldn’t stop thinking about his next move, and what would happen next time he saw you.
Obviously the first thing he would want to do is kiss you, and hold you, and touch you.. but he knew that instead he would likely end up being encouraged by his friends to attack you in some way.
He couldn’t just say, ‘back off guys, she’s cool, i like her now.’ because that would definitely earn him a beating and a seat at the rejects table. He had been fighting these feelings for so long because of this exact reason, and he was pissed at himself that he couldn’t have just kept it under control for longer.
It would have been easier for him, and you. Even you were worrying as you walked to practice about what you were going to do when you saw him again. Your friends may be more forgiving than Hawk’s, but you doubted they’d be particularly thrilled about any of this news.
They would surely tell you to be careful, not to trust him, that it was just a game to find a weakness in you. These doubts inflicted your mind constantly, and it sucked that you had to figure all of it out on your own.
You were a half-hour late to karate when you arrived, and luckily Sensei Larusso had the tools to heal the remaining injuries on your face. You explained what happened with Tory, but you didn’t tell them about Hawk.
Your classmates were angry, Sam especially, and you were too. But after everything, you knew nobody in Cobra Kai was really in their right mind. Tory was an out of control girl with aggression issues, and Hawk was constantly battling a feeling of pressure and pent-up rage.
The worst thing about being in Miyagi-Do, was knowing the right way to go, and knowing that the right way was going to be a long, slow, and difficult process. It was a waiting game at this point-- how many fights would it take for the Cobra Kai kids to realize that wasn’t what they needed to do?
How much pain would they all have to endure, to realize there were better ways to solve their problems? You had only hoped that Hawk taking this step towards you was a step in the right direction-- and that maybe the rest of the Cobras would soon follow.
But until then, it was a secret. And the next few times you saw Hawk were an extreme struggle for the both of you.
Each passing day that you’d make eye contact at school, you’d both immediately look away. Neither of you had spoken or even texted since the kiss, and you were both failing miserably at proper communication.
At first, you thought that maybe the whole thing had been a mistake, and maybe it should just be left alone. But recalling everything Hawk said to you that day, you couldn’t ignore how real it felt. You wanted to be with him, but you had no clue how to go about that.
You were waiting for Hawk to make the next move, but to Hawk-- the ball was in your court. You had left him there, with no definite answer on how you felt about it, and never got back to him since. It seemed to him like you wanted to forget about it, so when one of Moon’s parties rolled around that weekend, he decided to forget about it too.
You were coming to the party, but got there late; and what a wonderful sight it was for the first thing to see as you walk in be Hawk, face inches away from another girl’s, flirting the night away.
Of course, you thought, feeling disgusted at what was in front of you. Of course everything he said was bullshit. You couldn’t figure out for the life of you what his goal was in pretending to care for you, especially when he got basically nothing out of it except a stupid kiss he could’ve gotten from anyone-- but clearly none of it was as real as you thought it was.
It’d been a few days, sure, but you thought maybe tonight you’d finally just talk to him. You watched as the girl played with the string of Hawk’s hoodie, and feeling a pang of jealousy you decided to walk by them, making sure your presence was known.
It definitely worked, because at the notice of your movements he excused himself from the conversation and followed you out towards the pool, where you had gone to get away from the sight of Hawk and the girl.
“Hey.” He whispered, as you poured yourself a drink. “Hi.” You replied boredly with your back turned to him, not exactly feeling excited to have a conversation with him.
He looked around, scoping out who may be listening, but luckily the only others outside were heavily invested in the drinking game going on at the other side of the patio.
Hawk could tell you were bothered about the girl, but didn’t understand why, since you had so obviously been avoiding him.
“Can we talk?” He asked, still being cautious as to not attract any attention. “Go ahead.” You were being difficult, but quite frankly you thought he deserved it. He made you spend days analyzing what had happened between you, only for him to move on from it after a few days?
He stomped closer, and you looked up at him. “You know we can’t talk here.” He nodded his head towards the back of the yard, hoping you’d go with him somewhere private.
You scoffed, and looked at the spot doubtfully. You were upset, but still curious to hear what he had to say. “Fine.” You rolled your eyes, feeling disappointed in yourself for giving in, but you couldn’t pretend you weren’t dying to know what the hell he was thinking.
Hawk walked eagerly to the secluded part of Moon’s property, hoping to get some clarity from you. But before Hawk could say anything, your anger got the best of you.
“So what the hell is your problem?” You started, as soon as you knew you were out of earshot from the rest of the party. Hawk looked taken aback, his eyebrows immediately coming together. “Me? What are you talking about?” He said, offended.
You looked at him in disbelief, mouth dropping open slightly. “Are you joking? Are we going to pretend you weren’t just about to make out with that girl in there?” You said, feeling a twinge of hurt from your own words.
His face knotted in confusion and annoyance. “Seriously? You’re jealous right now? After I confessed everything to you, and you avoided me for days afterwards, I was just supposed to think you actually wanted me?” He tried to keep his voice down, but his emotions were getting the better of him.
“What? I just needed some time to think! It’s not like you bothered to text me either!” You whisper-shouted, now feeling like you were missing something.
“Well when you kiss someone and they basically run away from you, who’s responsibility do you think it is to reach out after?!” He threw his arms up in bafflement, looking at you expectantly.
Your face fell to a look of guilt, and eventually his did too. Suddenly you both felt like idiots at how far you jumped to conclusions.
“I was gonna talk to you today. But when I saw you in there with that girl, all these insecurities just came over me. I thought everything you said was just some Cobra prank and it never meant anything.” Your face drooped, feeling a little embarrassed to admit any of this.
His eyes saddened, and he shook his head. “And I just thought you hated me, and that no matter what I said it’d never be enough for you to forgive me.” He explained his own worry, and your eyes started to water at his words.
Feeling overwhelmed after finally being able to piece together what had been going on this whole time, you sprung into his arms, hugging him tightly. You both stayed embraced, enjoying the feeling of comfort from each other once again, until you finally felt strong enough to pull yourself away.
He kept a hand around your head, as though cradling something delicate. “I meant everything I said that day. It’s not a scheme. I want to be with you.” He told you, proving your suspicions wrong.
You smiled weakly, feeling warm at his confession, but nervous for what’s to come. “I’m sorry I never texted you, but I just don’t get how we’re going to do this.” You said, unconvinced. “We can’t tell anyone, and despite whatever we have, there are a lot more reasons why we won’t work than will.” You look away, your mood of happiness faltering at the idea of being realistic.
“I mean, you know I like you Hawk. And maybe it’s different for us, but, I can’t exactly support the way you treat other people.” You say reluctantly, trying not to sound rude. Hawk gulped, looking down shamefully.
Not wanting to think realistically right now, he ignored what you said and pulled you closer. “We’ll figure it out.” He said sweetly, and moved his hand to lift your chin, kissing you tenderly. As nervous as you were about all of it, the way he kissed you somehow seemed to make all your worries disappear.
Just then as your lips met, sirens went off nearby. “Shit, cops?” Hawk said, breaking apart from you. You giggled at the unfortunate turn of events. “You go that way,” you pointed him in the opposite direction of where you were planning to exit, not wanting others to notice you were together. “See you around.” You said playfully, and he caught on to your plan.
Before he could give you a final peck or even say goodbye, you were gone around the corner of the house, and he wondered longingly when he’d finally be able to kiss you again.
The next couple days at school you’d both done your best to avoid looking suspicious with each other. There were many stolen glances, and lots of private texts, but you both somehow managed to keep whatever fling you two had completely under wraps.
Though you had been initially uncomfortable with the whole secret-dating-thing, you eventually gave up on worrying about what would happen if others found out. You were happy, and having a lot of fun sneaking around with Hawk.
You noticed he had even toned down some of his bullying, and your heart felt full at the thought that he might have done that for you. Of course, there were always a few ‘slip-ups’.. but he made sure you weren’t around to see those.
Even if it was difficult, it was thrilling in a way-- having make-out sessions in his car when no one was around to see, and slipping in through each others’ windows at night to see each other...
It was fun, pretending to hate each other by day, and then not being able to stay away from each other by night. It felt like the whole school was being pranked, and you two were the only ones in on it.
It had been a few weeks now since you admitted to liking each other at Moon’s party, and you were now headed to the sports shed near the soccer field where Hawk had asked you to meet him after school.
You’d came here and gotten a little wild with him twice before, so at the invitation you fully expected to be met with an aggressive Hawk, ready to hook up. But instead when you opened the shed door, he was standing shyly and gave you the sweetest smile.
“Hey,” he said, taking a small step forward to meet where you were standing. “Hi, baby,” you grinned and kissed him chastely, taking note of the more innocent energy coming from him today.
He wrapped his arms around you, his eyes examining your face adoringly. “Um,” he said, radiating nervousness and backing up slightly. “What’s up?” You smiled at him curiously, taking his hands in yours.
After only a moment, he released his hands from your hold, and you suddenly felt concerned. Why was he acting so weird? You watched confusedly as he fiddled with the inside pocket of his jacket, not saying a word.
Pulling out a small box, he opened it to reveal a simple but beautiful silver necklace. “Hawk!” You gasped, looking at it in awe. He felt more confident at your reaction, and felt safe to say something again.
“I thought that, since we always have to act around each other, you could wear it as a reminder of how we really feel.” He said, searching your expression for some sort of approval.
You stared at him in admiration, not yet able to find the words to respond. “It’s simple, so nobody will think it means anything, but, we’ll know.” He spoke again, hoping for it to grant a response from you this time.
Your face began to bloom with happiness. Taking the box from his hands, you kissed him passionately. “I love it. Can you put it on me?” You asked cheerfully, and Hawk smiled brightly. “Yeah,” he nodded excitedly, turning you around.
You did your best to move your hair out of the way, and Hawk gently pushed the few stray strands to the side. Feeling his fingers brush across your skin, you breathed heavily. You could feel his own breath hot on your neck, as he clasped the two ends of the jewelry together.
With your back still against his torso, he placed his hands around your waist, starting to leave soft kisses against your ear, and down towards your collarbone.
You closed your eyes, soaking in the feeling, until the door of the shed barged open. You stumbled away from each other in shock, and looked to see Tory standing in front of the both of you.
“I knew it! What the hell is this, Hawk?” She screamed, prowling towards you. Feeling completely unprepared from the utter suddenness of the situation, you stepped back in fear. “What are you doing here!?” Hawk shouted, ignoring Tory’s question as he blocked her path from getting to you.
She sneered at the both of you, stopping as she noticed his protectiveness over you. “I’ve noticed how you sneak off at the end of school. I finally decided to follow you here.” She said matter-of-factly, giving you a glare.
“So what is she, Hawk? Your girlfriend?” She taunted, starting to circle you. Out of everything she’d said so far, that was the thing that actually made you the most nervous. You hadn’t actually used that word before... ‘girlfriend,’ you hadn’t really made it official, despite how much it felt like you already had.
You weren’t sure how Hawk would react now that he was caught, but you desperately hoped he would say, ‘Yes, she is, and I love her.’ But that was nowhere close, to what he said.
“What? No! We’re just having some fun, alright? It doesn’t mean anything.” He forced a laugh, stepping away from you. Your heart ached. This is what you were afraid of. You knew it was probably for the best for him to have said that, but you couldn’t ignore the hurt you felt when you heard him say it.
You wished he would’ve right then and there just admitted it, stood up for himself, and chosen you. He could’ve just told the truth, and left Cobra Kai, and been with you. But you weren’t enough. He had a reputation to uphold.
“Oh, really.” Tory scoffed, barely believing his lie as she looked between the two of you. “You can have fun with anyone, Hawk, and you a choose a Miyagi-Do?” She spat, staring him down, and his usually-confident demeanor diminished instantly. “Break it off, or I tell everyone.”
Storming off, her threat lingered in the air as the two of you stood alone, unable to meet each other’s gazes.
“Maybe we should just end this, Y/N.” Hawk spoke meekly, finally breaking the silence. Your eyes widened in horror, forcing yourself to look up at him. “What?” You said, your voice faltering. “So that’s just it then?”
Tears threatened to spill out of your eyes again as he met your stare. “We don’t have any other choice!” He shouted angrily, getting in your face. Your mouth fell agape at the way he was acting, your expression hardening.
“Yes, we DO!” You shouted back, and sobs started to escape you. You of course meant the choice being he stands up to the Cobras, and fights for your relationship. You understood his dilemma in the beginning, but at this point none of it seemed worth it to you anymore.
His eyes were fixated on you intensely, and his mind was running a mile a minute trying to figure out what to do.
“You can easily stand up to them, the Cobras! You’re stronger than all of them combined. Why won’t you fight for us?” You cried, searching for any sign in his face that showed he regretted his words. He had never said so, but you could tell the only thing holding him back was the fear of the Cobras’ reactions.
His insides scrambled with guilt watching you cry. But he had to stay strong. Unaffected, unfazed, completely unbothered. That’s how he forced his expression to appear as he turned and left the shed, leaving you alone and in pain as you watched your worst fear come true.
“Hawk!” You yelled after him, but he only kept walking. “What happened to never wanting to be the reason I felt pain?” Your voice cracked, and you wiped your tears from your face, giving up.
Your words cut into Hawk like a knife. If even possible, Hawk was hurting more than you. Each step he took farther away from where you stood, he felt his heart scatter into another piece. He wished things could be different, too-- but you were too much of a risk.
Cobra Kai may be a large reason for his troubles, but it was also the only reason he was still on top. He wanted you so bad, but he was too afraid to let go of everything else just to have you.
It was safer this way, he told himself. If nobody knew, you’d be safer. You wouldn’t have to be involved in the drama that would come from it, you wouldn’t have another reason for the Cobras to come after you, and you wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore.
Hawk repeated these things to himself over and over to make himself feel better about the way things ended. But no matter what he told himself, it was never enough for him to fully believe that he made the right choice.
Feeling helpless, you called the only person you thought might understand. “D-Demetri?” You spoke into the phone, taking a gasp for air between sobs.
“Y/N? Are you ok?” He answered, sounding worried. “I need to talk to you, can you-” You paused, trying to catch your breath. “Can you come get me?” You were nervous he wouldn’t be able to, but you needed someone in person, not over text.
You and Demetri weren’t particularly besties, so for you to call him out of the blue, crying, was extremely worrisome to him. “Uh, yeah, okay sure. I only just left so I can turn back.”
Letting out a shaky breath of relief, you thanked Demetri and hung up, walking out of the shed and towards the front of the school to where he would be meeting you. Hawk was supposed to be your ride home, but clearly that was no longer an option.
When Demetri arrived, he didn’t wait for you to get in the car, he immediately got out and walked over to you. “What happened?” He said cautiously, becoming nervous about having to deal with others’ emotions.
He was never particularly great at consolation, being the awkward and blunt person he is-- and he really didn’t want to make things worse for you.
“It’s Eli,” You said, trying to hold back your tears. “I did something really stupid.” Your lip quivered, feeling embarrassed talking about it. You weren’t supposed to tell anyone about you and Hawk, but at this point, you had nothing left to lose.
Demetri looked at you confused. “What do you mean?” To his knowledge, you and Hawk barely conversed, and there should be absolutely no reason whatsoever for you to be crying over him.
The closer you got to explaining it, the harder it got to contain your emotions. Despite knowing Demetri wasn’t very keen on hugs, you ran into him, desperate for the feeling of comfort.
At this point, Demetri’s level of concern was on the rise. Why on earth would you hug him? That’s never happened before. “I just thought you’d be the only one who would understand... if I told someone.” You spoke, words slightly muffled as you were pressed into his chest.
Reluctantly, Demetri accepted your hug and rested his arms around you. “Okay, Y/N, you’re scaring me. What did he do?” He asked, looking down at you.
Gaining the courage to explain yourself, to Demetri’s relief you let go of him and steadied your breathing. “A few weeks ago.. Hawk and I kissed.” You said hesitantly, preparing for the worst.
“What?” Demetri’s face scrunched into the most confused and offended look you’d ever seen him wear. “I know, okay, just wait.” You told him, hoping he would hear you out.
“I thought it was just a stupid mistake, or something?” You began, recalling the uncertainty you felt when it first happened. “But then he said all this stuff about how much he cared about me, and it turns out we actually have something real.”
Aware of the weirdness of what you were saying, you looked to see how Demetri was handling it. He showed a look of understanding, but you could tell he was simply masking the discomfort he was truly feeling. “It was really confusing at first, but then we started secretly dating.. because we knew everyone would flip if they found out.” You continued, the awkwardness worsening with each sentence spoken.
Demetri’s eyebrows rose. “Dating?” You visibly cringed at the reaction, but carried on with your story. “And he even started being nicer to people!” You mentioned, hoping to make the situation seem like you weren’t a complete idiot for allowing it to happen. “Because, I told him I didn’t think I could be with him-- with the way he treats people, you know? And things were actually going well until today--”
You took a moment, preparing the end of your explanation in the hopes you wouldn’t start to cry through it. Demetri looked at you impatiently.
“When Tory found us together and threatened to tell everyone about us if we didn’t break it off, and then Hawk just left me there and said that we should end things because he’s a coward and can’t do what’s right because HE WANTS TO LOOK COOL.” You shouted, running through the sentences fast and furiously. Instead of getting sad like you thought you would, you got angry. Ah yes, another stage of grief.
Demetri looked slightly scared of you at your sudden tantrum, but having heard your story, he did understand what you were feeling-- because in a way, it had happened to him too. This time, it was him who reached out to hug you, and you appreciated him for it. Hugs always seemed to make you feel calm.
“I’m sorry, Y/N. I know how it feels. He’s stuck right now, but we can’t give up, okay? He’ll come around.” He said honestly, awkwardly patting your back. You laughed a tiny bit, seeing Demetri trying to console, but you were grateful for his presence.
You released each other from the hug, and you wiped any leftover tears off of your face. “Thanks, Demetri.” You said, smiling sweetly. He nodded, placing his hand on your arm in reassurance, and motioned for you to follow to his car.
The ride back to your house was quiet, but your thoughts were busy and loud. That’s how things were for awhile after that day. You kept to yourself again, and though you tried to look alive, you felt like you had retreated back inside the bubble you worked so hard to get out of.
You went to school, you went to karate, you did whatever responsibilities you had to do-- but for the rest of your free time, you spent it alone in your room, wondering what it would take for Hawk to come back to you.
It was unhealthy, really, how you would wait everyday for a sign of acknowledgement from Hawk, and decline any other social invitation because you never got one.
You even wore the necklace, everyday, in hopes that he’d notice and remember how much you meant to him. But it never worked. He never came back.
You got away with the isolation for awhile, but people were starting to notice how you’ve been pulling away. At least you had Demetri to cover for you once and awhile, to help keep up the facade that you were okay.
Because, you weren’t. You wondered if Hawk was, though. He certainly seemed like he was okay, but he couldn’t be. For your own peace of mind, you had to think he couldn’t be. To think that he was doing just fine while you were spending your days miserable, wouldn’t be fair.
He’s stuck right now, but he’ll come around. Demetri’s words echoed in your head, wondering if they were even true. Would he ever really come around? Is he in too deep? The thoughts scared you beyond belief, but as more days passed, the more you believed them.
You eventually forced yourself to stop caring. To stop thinking about it, and to just give it up. You’d spent too long waiting for him, and you were done letting his actions control your happiness. Although there was a part of you that could never really stop caring, you convinced yourself that it was gone.
After a few weeks, you stopped wearing the necklace. When you showed up to school without it on, it was the first time Hawk had noticeably looked at you since the breakup. He always avoided your eye contact, but that day he locked them onto yours as you passed him in the hall. His gaze flickered from your eyes to your neck, and you could see the glum look all over his face.
As much as you wanted to give in to the hope that he missed you, you ignored it. You weren’t going to let any of those thoughts in again-- not when you already worked so hard to let go of them.
Hawk watched you make your way through the corridors, hardly caring who noticed. While you may have had the ability to attempt to move on, he didn’t. It was his fault any of this happened after all, and it was completely up to him whether or not he could fix things between you.
The pressure of knowing he was the only reason for your and his despair was agonizing, and with the necklace no longer around your neck, he realized he was running out of time.
Time is what he thought he had, to turn things around for himself, and you. But his window was closing, and he was panicking.
Not knowing what else to do, Hawk waited a few blocks away from where you trained at Miyagi-Do, knowing he’d catch you on your walk home.
Making your way down the sidewalk after practice, you were completely unsuspecting when Hawk jumped out of his car and jogged towards you.
Things had really come full circle now, hadn’t they? You, walking home on that same sidewalk, pure disgust for Hawk in your veins as he tried to catch up with you.
You stopped short as Hawk stood in front of you, blocking your path. You were nervous and confused at his intrusion, and decided not to bother avoiding him right now.
His stare towards you was intense, and you only glared back, waiting for him to say what he needed to say.
“You stopped wearing the necklace.” He said it so plainly, you couldn’t tell what kind of response he was looking for. It seemed almost like a question in disguise-- why did you stop wearing the necklace, perhaps?
He was looking at you eagerly, though trying to hide the desperation behind the statement.
“Yeah, and?” You laughed at him, matching his tone of carelessness. He looked like he didn’t understand, so you continued. “What’d you expect? That I’d just keep waiting for you?” You said unpleasantly, with a hint of sadness in your own voice.
A shameful look glossed over his features, but you only kept going. “It’s obvious you’re not coming back, Hawk.” You smile at him mockingly, enjoying the feeling of guilt you were giving him.
He tried to stay strong, but every word you spoke was like a hit to his built-up walls, and they were so close to falling down.
“I spent weeks wondering what I’d have to do to get you to come back to me. To choose me.” You said, your voice calm, but the rest of you not. Your body was shaking with anger now, but your eyes were brimming with tears.
“Until,” You sniffled, gaining a tone of indifference, “I finally realized there was nothing for me to do. You just weren’t coming.” You were almost smiling through the pain, and Hawk looked at you in a loss for words.
You appeared so fragile to him, he just wanted to wrap you in his arms and spout apology after apology for what he’d caused. Seeing your eyes squint in attempt to hold back the waterworks, physically pained him.
“So yeah, I stopped wearing the necklace. But you know what?” You stepped forward confidently, despite the single tear that had just fallen down your face. “I think it hurt more wearing it than it did taking it off.” You finished with hardly any emotion in your voice, and Hawk looked mortified seeing you try to act so unaffected.
He had been silent through your whole exchange, because he knew there was nothing he could say now to make things better. He had done too much damage, and he had caused you too much pain. He did exactly what he said he’d never do.
You waited for him to say something, anything-- but as your eyes bore into his strongly, he couldn’t find the courage to speak. The disappointment was immense, and feeling hopeless once again, you pushed past him to go home.
Panicking at your leave, Hawk grabbed onto your arm. “Y/N, Wait, please-” “No!” You cut him off, looking at him coldly. His face was red, and his eyes were stinging now, too. Ignoring the feeling you got when you saw him like that, you ripped your arm from his grasp. “I’ve waited long enough.”
You turned to leave again, and this time, Hawk didn’t follow. There was only one thing Hawk could do now to get you back, and you knew he wasn’t ready for it. There was no use in you hanging around for him anymore, you deserved better. You deserved someone who cared enough that they’d do what it takes to be with you, regardless of social status.
You didn’t even care if he stayed in Cobra Kai, you just wanted him to stand up to his friends and be proud that he was with you. Didn’t he realize that he was one of the strongest Cobras, and that he could get through any of their shit? If his biggest problem was Tory, he hardly had any reason to stay quiet. You knew deep down he could do better.
Hawk hadn’t understood that then, but as he lingered on you walking away, something clicked in his head.
Maybe he really could do better. He wanted to, for you. He was still terrified at the idea of coming clean to the Cobras, but whatever he’d deal with from that couldn’t be any worse than being without you.
He liked the power he had being in Cobra Kai, and he hoped that he could keep it-- but if losing the power meant gaining you, at this point he was totally okay with that risk. But, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t at least try to negotiate with his friends first.
“Y/N!” It was a new day at school, and you were walking side by side Sam heading to your lunch table when he called your name. You shared a look with Sam, glancing towards him with a bothered look upon your face. “Come here!” Hawk shouted again, apparently not caring that the whole cafeteria had his attention.
A look of dread spread across your face, and you slammed your lunch tray on your friends’ table in defeat before stomping over to where Hawk and his asshole friends sat. Your friends watched from afar, completely clueless as to what Hawk would need you for, and Demetri struggled to pretend he was just as lost as they were.
“What.” You said bluntly, staring him and the rest of his table down. “Yeah, seriously, what are you doing calling her over here?” Mitch asked, looking at you in revulsion, and you rolled your eyes at him.
Hawk looked between you and his friends, struggling to keep his confident manner in tact, and sighed uncomfortably. “I know we don’t like the Miyagi-Dos. And we don’t like the way they run their dojo.” He stated, hoping to hook his friends in by starting negatively towards their rivals.
His friends looked at him in reluctance, wondering where he was going with this-- and you did too. “But I love Y/N.” He said loudly, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, and looking around at his friends. He was more nervous to see your reaction than theirs, so he barely looked at you once he said it.
“What?” The words came strongly from not only his friends, but you, too. He had never told you that before, and your heart melted at his declaration. When you spoke, he gathered the courage to look at you, and you’d never seen him so nervous.
“I love you.” He repeated, looking you in the eyes. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, and on top of that he was announcing it to the whole school. You glanced over to see Demetri, mouth ajar, observing the interaction like it were a movie.
He meant it, and you could tell. He was waiting on you for a response, feeling more stress than he’d felt in a long time as he studied your bewildered expression.
Before you could say anything, Bert interrupted the moment. “You can’t love a Miyagi-Do. They’re stuck-up pansies who think they’re better than us.” He said, completely convinced that Hawk was out of his mind and needed a wake-up call.
Hawk cringed a little at the feedback, but was surprised when you decided to bite back. “I joined Miyagi-Do because I was tired of people getting bullied. You all choose violence when it isn’t needed, so I just wanted to be prepared.” You defended your intentions, fearlessly.
Tory snorted. “Oh yeah? And how’s that working out for you?” She jabbed, trying to make fun of your self defense skills. Before you could retort, Hawk slammed his hand down on the table and leaned in towards his peers.
“Listen! I’m with you guys, but she’s right. We’ve been reckless.” He said carefully, trying to keep a balance between who’s side he was on. “Sensei told us to fight smart, and we haven’t been.” He locked eyes with Tory, clearly sending her a message.
You watched as Hawk tried to reason with them, admiring his every move. Keeping up his confidence, he set down what was going to happen, and there’d be no arguments against it. “You guys can hate the Miyagi-Dos all you want, but I’m going to be with Y/N, and I’m staying in Cobra Kai.”
Interlacing his hand with yours, he looked at you pridefully before turning back to the outraged looks on his friends’ faces. “From now on, if any one of you touches her, you deal with me. That’s of course if she doesn’t kick your ass first.” He said smugly, and you smiled widely, feeling content at his speech.
Your heart was jumping out of your chest at the gesture he made, and you wanted to smash your lips onto his and tell him how much you loved him back-- but you kept yourself restrained for the sake of the situation.
Most of the Cobras nodded nervously at his announcement, not wanting to challenge Hawk when he was so sure of himself. But Tory wasn’t having it. “You guys can’t seriously be okay with this?” She snapped, death-glaring the entire table.
The group looked like they were trying to decide whether they were more afraid of Hawk, or Tory. You smiled to yourself, knowing that no matter their reaction, you had won this, because you were with him now. It would certainly be a bonus if you gained their acceptance, though.
Mitch looked around in uncertainty about what he was going to say, but stuck up for Hawk. “Come on Tory, I mean, I get it... she’s hot.” He said referring to you, and you laughed a little at the shallow but positive response.
Hawk wasn’t as pleased with it though. “Hey.” He threatened, pointing a finger at Mitch. You giggled slightly at his jealous reaction, but pulled him back from Mitch by the hand you were holding his with. Mitch raised his hands in surrender, and Tory stood from the table, getting close to the both of you.
“You’d better sleep with one eye open, assholes.” She spat, and stormed away from the table. It went better than you would’ve thought, truthfully. Everyone else was loyal to Hawk, and you didn’t really expect anything less from Tory. Again, having Tory be your only threat seemed like small potatoes now that you two were together.
You nodded at the rest of the Cobras in respect, and with that whole thing being over, you tugged him by the hand towards your table of Miyagi-Dos. Hawk groaned, realizing where you were taking him, but did his best to stay civil.
Chris glowered at the both of you, and Sam looked a little disappointed, but she tried to look supportive. “So.... yeah. Sorry.” You said sheepishly, knowing that they had already heard everything.
“I’m glad it finally worked out.” Demetri said through a sad smile. You felt a little bad, knowing that Demetri still needed to work out his relationship with Hawk, and here you were rubbing yours in his face. That would be your next mission, you suppose-- operation get Demetri and Hawk to be friends again.
“Thanks, Dem.” You said appreciatively, and Hawk looked suspiciously between the two of you. “Wait, did you tell him before?” He asked defensively. The whole table looked to you and Demetri curiously, and you crossed your arms sassily.
“Uh, did I call someone to come get me after you left me alone in a shed? Yeah.” You recovered, your facial expression sly as you knew he couldn’t come back from that one. The others looked at him exasperatedly at your response, and his face dropped instantly.
“Oh my god, Y/N I am so sorry about that.” He cowered, immediately dropping it, and you laughed at the remorse he was finally showing. You already knew he was sorry, but you guess it was nice to hear him say it.
He didn’t understand why you were laughing, though. He felt awful. And he also really needed a chance to completely apologize to you in private, now that he had already confessed his true feelings.
Suddenly, he picked you up entirely, arms holding your legs and you wrapped your arms around his neck instinctively. “Whoah, what is happening?” You laughed, looking at your friends who all looked just as puzzled as you.
Without saying anything else, he took off out of the lunch room carrying you, and made his way to the nearest exit to the outdoors. “Babe, where are we going?” You cackled, amused at the adventure he was taking you on.
Finally outside and alone, he let you down gently in front of him, and took your hands in his lightly. “I’m so sorry. For all of it. I was a complete idiot for letting you go. You knew all along that we could do it, and I was too busy being a pussy to even try. And I’m really sorry for everything that went down today, I hope you aren’t mad, I literally told you I loved you in front of everyone and that must’ve been awkward, I mean you didn’t even get to respond, which, now that I think about it maybe you didn’t want to, or--”
You silenced his rambling with a forceful kiss, grabbing the sides of his face with your hands. “I love you too, Hawk.” You said, pulling away from the kiss quickly, to give him the response he had been looking for.
He smiled big in return, and it turned your insides to mush. “You know, I realized we never got the chance to make things official.” He looked up at you cutely and you smiled back, knowing what was coming.
“So, will you be my girlfriend?” He asked charmingly, his face mere inches from yours. Blushing furiously, you nodded as you touched your forehead to his. “Mhm,” You said in agreement, grinning.
He took a moment, just admiring the look of you so happy, and with his manner still playful, he reminded you of something you had said before. “See? I came back to you.” He said proudly.
You looked at him lovingly, feeling a little emotional at the sentiment. His expression turned serious now, and he parted from you only slightly. “I’m gonna do better for you, Y/N. I promise.” He spoke lowly, and you put your hands on his shoulders, beaming at him in acknowledgement.
You stepped forwards again, getting closer to him. He gave a seductive smirk at your movement, and you subconsciously traced your fingers along his neck, fixated on his face more than anything.
Hawk stared back at you affectionately, his attention flickering down towards your lips. Feeling bold, he placed his hands dangerously low on your waist, and pulled you in roughly for another kiss. You quickly reacted, letting your hands travel to the nape of his neck, your mouth opening slightly-- allowing Hawk the opportunity to deepen the kiss.
Your lips stayed connected as Hawk’s hands made their way up your back, his chest pressing closer to yours. As much as you wanted to continue, you were in broad daylight right outside the halls of your school-- and you really didn’t want a detention for too much PDA.
“Mm, Hawk-” You giggled, breaking away from him. “Hm?” He smiled, his hands resting loosely on your waist as he pecked your lips again before letting you free. “If we don’t go back in soon we’ll miss the whole lunch period.” You said, disappointedly.
“Eh, that’s fine with me.” He shrugged, smirking at you as he clutched you closer. You scoffed playfully, hitting him lightly, and gave him one last kiss before escaping his grip.
He pouted at you, and you looked back at him mischievously. He missed your touch already, so he snaked his arm around your waist as you walked back inside to satisfy his need of holding you.
You felt on top of the world with him by your side, now having full confidence in him and his feelings for you. “It’s a good thing I still have the necklace, huh?” You teased, looking back up at him, and Hawk smiled, tilting his head to meet your gaze.
Though your comment may have only been a joke, both of you felt whole at the idea of you wearing the necklace-- and as you walked joyfully through the halls with him, you knew you’d never be taking it off again.
------------------------------------------------------
i just wanna talk about real quick how much i cringe when writing like its actually terrible how much i cringe at myself so idk if i’ll keep doing fics or not HAHAH but y’all can always send requests and i’ll get around to them if i can. hope yall liked this one tho and made it through the whole thing cuz yikes.
#cobra kai#eli moskowitz#eli hawk moskowitz#hawk#jacob bertrand#eli hawk moskowitz cobra kai#eli moskowitz cobra kai#hawk moskowitz#hawk cobra kai#cobra kai hawk#hawk moskowitz cobra kai#eli moskowitz imagine#hawk imagine#eli hawk moskowitz imagine
342 notes
·
View notes
Text
fanfic recommendations
for @kittensocute bc i heard “atsukita” and “iwaoi” in reference to fanfiction and i am There
i took your “i love slow burn or slow build fics... so i like relatively shorter burn fics (20-30k). If its a 10k oneshot slow burn hELL SIGN ME UP” and absolutely ran with it.
i listed my fav iwaoi fics (17) with a longer word count (longest is 80k) that are all mostly either canon compliant or divergent with only two straight up AUs. none of them feature heavy nsfw content and most if not all are tagged as friends to lovers lmao. feel free to read the my thoughts or just go into them blind!! and they’re all in order of how much I absolutely adore them :^)
now atsukita is not a big ship *sobs* but here are some of my favorite fics (7) of them! a lot of them are shorter bc i guess that’s just. what happens when it’s a small ship LOL.
the formatting in this is fucked if you open it from ur dash but if it’s on my actual blog it should be fine!
Iwaoi
the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle
Word count: 66k
thoughts: my absolute absolute absolute favorite iwaoi fic. the characterization, the fact that oikawa’s a bastard but because he and iwaizumi are older (late 20s i believe), it feels more realistic and sad rather than oikawa being a bitch for the sake of it. spoiler alert it’s slow burn and pining and mostly oikawa not realizing his feelings. this world building is pretty cool bc iwaizumi is the professional player while oikawa is an entomology professor! also i love non-linear narratives bc of This fic. there’s mutual pining in this fic but it’s really really really subtle to the point where you dont even know if oikawa likes iwa. this made me cry like twice.
sunset towns
Word count: 33k
Summary: In the summer of 2020, Oikawa Tooru returns home from his first successful stint as captain of Japan’s national volleyball team. In one hand, he holds the undisputed weight of an Olympic medal, and in the other, his unresolved feelings for a childhood best friend.
thoughts: the tone in this is So similar to the courtship ritual that I liken this as an alternate story even though it’s still oikawa’s pov. professional player oikawa and regular guy iwaizumi and oikawa is just. bumming around at iwaizumi’s place and naturally he messes up but things happen.
told before and told again
word count: 4k
thoughts: i looked through literally all the tags i could’ve thought of for this and nearly cried when i found it agian. outsider POV!!
In damp earth my body
Word count: 15k
Summary: Onscreen, the nation’s favorite setter has arranged himself so that he’s bowing, forehead pressed to the court, like he’s thanking everyone for their kindness thus far, like he’s asking for forgiveness. Hajime thinks: shit, it’s really happening
thoughts: oikawa retires and moves in with iwaizumi and they blur the line between roommates/best friends and being fwb. this is an iwaizumi pov and the pining is obvious on his end. as a iwa stan the tone made me feel weird bc it makes it seem like iwa cares more abt oikawa than he cares abt himself but. its a good fic
i grew up, you grew down
word count: 19k
thoughts: this is also SO funny bc basically oikawa retires and moves in with iwaizumi and becomes his stay at home wife and a bunch of shit happens like people think that oikawa is dating ushijima and oikawa basically loses it every time. here’s one of my favorite quotes:
“Oikawa also bought a new ultra-strength vacuum cleaner he’d decided to name Ushiwaka out of sheer spite, because it sucked all the air right out of the room. Iwa-chan didn’t think the joke was that funny when Tooru told him, which was frankly very hurtful and insensitive.”
Mint
Word count: 19k
thoughts: iwaizumi is moving and oikawa planned a perfect last hangout and it goes to shit featuring matsuhana. oikawa pov where he pines more than iwa which is something i can get behind!! and this was written in 2015 and iwa’s moving bc of a sports medicine program so iwaizumi stans know and love him sm ;;
Almost a Stranger
Word count: 16k
thoughts: same premise as mint LOL except they’re on a trip together and there’s more non-linear narrative!! this one is a little more mature in tone than mint i would say (funny how people just like splitting them up and throwing them in different countries huh)
with every second that you could give
Word count: 9k
Summary: The journey of Iwaizumi and Oikawa going for gold.
Quote: He knows they’re too close. Iwaizumi knows it too, and they both decided to move in together anyway.
thoughts: iwaoi roommates and they’re both obviously and really pine-y for each other and everyone sees it but them. srsly. they’re sleeping in the same bed. like my god
Lost in Translation
Word count: 9k
Summary: Because misfortune come in threes, Iwaizumi Hajime starts his Thursday having a screaming fight with Shittykawa, spends his lunch break listening to the UCI women’s volleyball team gossiping about how Ushijima Wakatoshi had gone public about his longtime love affair with Oikawa Tooru, and closes out the day by drunkenly dropping his phone into a sewer grate.
thoughts: so funny. so sososoosso genuinely funny. the tone is so snappy and iwaizumi honestly just sounds like a confused teenager (which he is in this) and it gets extra points for including a lot of american culture that a lot of the other iwaoi college au ones don’t include for like. obvious reasons lol.
Something Borrowed
Word count: 16k
Summary: In which Oikawa and Iwaizumi have always been a foregone conclusion to everyone else, but a massive, unanswered question to one another.
thoughts: iwaoi roommates thats abo but it’s like. mentioned twice. whiny and possessive oikawa makes an appearance in this but it’s done really well
things that change, things that stay the same
Word count: 8k
Summary: Oikawa realizes he’s in love with his best friend; it sucks for a while. (But only for a little while.)
thoughts: high school getting together!! my second iwaoi fic ever and this one is just. so sweet. just an unsure oikawa realizing iwaizumi might be more than someone he wants as a best friend. this fic is honestly really really lovely.
galaxies, within you
Word count: 21k
Summary: Hajime and Tooru move in together at the start of university. Too bad they’re stuck with the two gremlins that haunt their apartment.
thoughts: ok this fic was so funny. theyre uni roommates and matsuhana just come fuck shit up and they all act like idiots together even though they go to different schools. and this really throws me back to university days.
Thirty Years and Change (the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad)
Word count: 19k
thoughts: pro! oikawa and iwaizumi haven’t been close for a while until oikawa invites iwaizumi to go to the games with him. there’s a lot of frustration and pining and actually talking about feelings (aka iwaizumi losing his mind and getting advice from people like akaashi)
when it starts to rain, they go inside
Word count: 33k
Summary: “Where?” starts Iwaizumi.“ My parent’s old lakehouse, silly, didn’t you hear me the first time?” OR: Oikawa takes Iwaizumi to his lakehouse for two weeks, post-graduation.
thoughts: this was actually my first iwaoi fic which is funny bc the author doesn’t even like oikawa much and i didnt even ship anything in haikyuu before i read this fic and now im in iwaoi hell. oikawa is really frustrating in this in that it’s basically a really good character analysis on how oikawa comes off as a Mean person all the time bc he’s manipulative and there’s some explicit content
shiver
Word count: 16k
Summary: Oikawa was always the brave one. Hajime just followed two paces behind.
thoughts: iwaoi roommates with oikawa admitting his feelings first back when they were in middle school and iwaizumi putting that thought on the backburner until. obviously. things happen.
Desperado
word count: 80k
thoughts: one of my favorite aus. it’s all from kyoutani’s perspective and it’s almost so au that they’re original characters (if that makes sense). basically iwaoi matsuhana are ex-grifters except iwaoi are estranged and daishou somehow brings everyone back together. excellent world building and reading the pov from someone not involved with the iwaoi drama was refreshing
sing with me a song of conquest and fate
word count: 26k
thoughts: a mythical kings au that’s just. so pretty. iwaizumi ends up becoming oikawa’s servant for some reason and the world building is a+ because you can feel the trust and frustration from both of them build
Atsukita
dreams of me and you
word count: 10k (incomplete)
my second atsukita fic that rly sent me down atskt hell ;; what is essentially post-break up when atsumu gets signed to msby and he’s just Pining and sad for the most part. but the established relationship pre-break up was written really nicely because it just fits my hc of them just being domestic and atsumu being blatantly head over heels
take me home
word count: 4k
i read this this morning and it wrecked me. domestic relationship atsukita?? sign me up
No time like the rest of my life
word count: 19k
mythology au with kita as a regular person and rest of inarizaki as fox spirits! it’s cute and the world building is absolutely lovely but it is an au so they might seem ooc but their core character values are still there
wild blue yonder
word count: 6k
literally full of similes and metaphors and it’s more of an abstract read i guess? but it’s so beautiful and soft and this is exactly how i imagine their relationship
reap and sow
word count: 8k
atsumu confesses and kita ignores him and it’s a couple years after the fact and it’s mostly just weirdly domestic almost roommate like except for the fact that atsumu makes it clear he likes kita LOL. they’re really in character for this!
weightless souls
word count: 2k
pillow talk before atsumu’s first game! the atsumu pov and voice is amazing
if we were both alone
word count: 7k
now this was actually my first atskt fic that sent me down this rare pair hell. it’s an explicit chat fic (both tropes i usually try to avoid) but atsumu types like me (except for the nsfw parts alksfjd) so i guess i like. feel appreciation LMAO.
if you do read like any of these fics pls let me know so we can discuss
♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡
61 notes
·
View notes
Text
stuck with you
pairing: enemy!journalist!haechan x journalist!reader
genre: angst, fluff, humour, enemies to lovers (hope i did the trope justice tbh TT)
warnings: cursing, f words lmao, i mention stranger things a lot in this??? mainly bc i just finished watching it w a friend. i also only use ‘haechan’ when narrating the story so i don’t get confused! the timeline for this is Very Weird as well bc like i didn’t consider how long a pandemic would last…… so Uhm. pls just excuse the weird ass time sequence. also referenced yangyang’s bastard child behaviour from dream plan where he packs his things messily and kun had to mf intervene and yangyang had the audacity to go like “see, this is how u get ppl to pack for you, now i don’t have to do anything” 💀
word count: 8k (a headache to proofread...)
A/N: first time trying an e2l trope and im not sure if it was done ok??? i didn't want it to feel too rushed so i tried to spread out the days as much as i could!! i also included small snippets of their life w the other so it won’t seem like the fic is just focusing on the e2l concept! was inspired tons by the lyrics of stuck with u by ariana grande and jb, so that song is definitely something you can listen to if you read this! hope you enjoy ^^
[day 1]
"you're insufferable," you groan, reluctantly handing over the remote control for the hotel's television after some unsuccessful scrolling.
hotels never exactly had much range anyway.
you were very much already dreading the time ahead with the male, sadly having been stuck in quarantine not even half a day with haechan.
offering to go to a neighbouring country to report on the rising covid-19 situation, you didn't expect your rival to tag along, no doubt seeking to craft up a better story than you would.
and so, you were now nudging the remote control into his waiting palm with a roll of your eyes. you hoped it emphasised your annoyance with him even a little, standing up to prepare a cup of tea before bed.
"are you going to keep watching television while i sleep?" you ask a genuine question, peeking at him through the mirror of the vanity that sat outside the bathroom.
he just shrugs with a tired sigh, turning his attention back to the cartoon playing in front of him.
"okay, well, keep to your side of the bed and i'll stay in mine. we need to be social distancing, anyway."
there's a hint of "okay, loser" mumbled under his breath, but you pay it no thought as you finish your tea and brush your teeth before you skillfully set up a fortress made out of pillows.
"ow! what the hell?"
"your leg was in the way, jeez! move it, and i'll stop annoying you," you said, putting up the last of your requested pillows beside where haechan currently sat.
taking one last glance at haechan, you wondered when the lockdown in your country would last before they start letting people fly in. for now, you were trapped with the nightmare himself in a sad hotel room, with only a bed to share.
"goodnight," he tells you, but the sardonic way he says it irks you to the point where you settle for silence instead. the only thing that drones on are the voices of the cartoon, soon fading as you feel into a dreamless sleep.
[day 4]
"this virus thing is probably driving me insane by day, and you, lee haechan, are adding on to it!"
"no headlines, no idea what style to write in, minimal pictures-" the doorbell to the hotel room interrupts your current rant, prompting you to storm off to answer the call with an annoyed look.
"what now?" taken aback by your quick response, the housekeeping girl retracts with downturned eyebrows and a voice hesitant to speak. your roommate comes to the rescue almost immediately when he's heard the commotion.
you watch as he sends her a smile and a wink, deflating when he's let her in to clean up the room. you're not sure why you can't keep your eyes off the both of them as they converse, blaming it mostly on your hatred for the male.
with the last of her duties fulfilled, you offer to help her with the cleaning supplies as an apology, but she cuts you off almost immediately. there's a linger in her step, however, as she walks the short hallway to the door, evident in wanting haechan to send her off as he received her.
turning back to call him, he holds up a hand as he types down his opening lines to an article, prompting you to shoot the housekeeper girl another apologetic look.
"sorry again," you mumble, letting out a sigh at how this was all playing out. day four and you were already making enemies with the hotel crew.
"maybe day forty-one is where i fall in love with lee haechan," you scoffed, perhaps listing down all the unfortunate things that could happen while you were in quarantine.
one of them was catching feelings for your rival.
rolling your eyes, you settled on the bed to catch a few Zs as he continued to work on his article, though you weren't exactly sure about the weight your words held.
[day 9]
"haechan, what is this?" you ask with an eyebrow raised, his dirty boxers barely hanging off your finger.
haechan only groans at that, knowing you were relentless in the laundry. even in a pandemic, he was sure you'd prioritise your clothes first.
"jesus! don't go picking up my underwear just like that!" he snatches it from you, folding it neatly and placing it next to where his luggage sat. unfortunately, yours was right beside his.
"you think just because you're doing the laundry you're able to look through a man's prized possessions-!"
your jaw drops, "it was near the sink, haechan! i don't want to look at the checkered pattern on your boxers when i brush my teeth. i don't want it near my face either."
haechan groans yet again, running a hand through his hair in frustration before turning back to the computer, a blank document opened up in front of him.
despite gathering findings, interviewing healthcare workers and serving the public alongside frontline staff, he had deleted every attempt at writing.
there's a rumble from the bathroom, perhaps from your upset stomach or the choked pipe, but sometimes they sounded too similar he couldn't tell it apart. haechan stifles a laugh when there's a "fuck!" echoing behind the door, though unsure if he should help you or not.
when haechan hears another crash, he comes running without hesitation with a face morphed into furrowed eyebrows and a tilt of the head.
"don't just stand there, you moron!"
haechan snaps out of his daze to assist you off the floor, swiftly helping you even more off the floor as he carries you to the bed with a stiff one arm. you notice his other hand hanging awkwardly, probably not knowing what to do with it before you feel the soft sheets under your butt.
he gets to work within a minute, fishing for an ointment and some bandages his mother forced him to bring. he remembers it as he always has: a caring mother looking out for her son, maybe a little too much sometimes.
haechan is thankful for his mother, now, for the stray bandages laying around in his pouch.
you watch in silence as he cleans the cut with alcohol, wincing when his hand hadn't even touched your skin.
"my hand isn't even on your skin yet! jeez, calm down."
you shake your head, holding onto his bicep to halt his arm, "just use water, please."
exhaling in exasperation, you wonder if you've pissed him off tenfold when he leaves for the bathroom with a side-eyed glance, though not hostile.
"problematic," haechan whispers, dabbing a wet cloth over the wound carefully before applying the ointment and securing the bandages.
"your words contradict your actions so much, haechan. i never know what you're thinking." sighing, you pull your leg away from his hold after he's done with the bandages, making your way to the bathroom and leaving him in his thoughts.
"why do you want to know?"
haechan gets silence; the lock of the bathroom audibly turns to signal another wall put up between the two of you. with another frustrated groan, the boy plops down on the chair to work on his article with the right words forming in his mind.
even if he was the one who asked, he wasn't sure if he was ready to tell you.
[day 13]
"stranger things is freaking me the fuck out, man!" haechan whispered, ignoring your pleads and groans to continue writing.
"haechan! give me the damn laptop! i don't even know why you brought an HDMI cable when it doesn't work with the television system here!"
"well, we got one that matches it, didn't we?" he said, eyes peeled to the screen that showed the young boy, will, in the upside-down.
"you mean you did!" you shoved him, ready to disconnect the devices before haechan held you back, clearly entranced by the next sequence of eleven being able to see will in a pool of salt.
"ugh, god, i don't even know why people watch the show!" you spill with sourness, knowing the show was praised for its excellent acting and writing.
haechan raises an eyebrow, turning to you with a strangely slow speed.
"stranger things have received multiple awards, and you didn't give any other reason. are you scared?"
when you struggle to find words, haechan laughs at his revelation, hiding his pearly whites behind his hand as he continues to make fun of you.
"yeah yeah, i'm scared! so what?"
"'oh haechan! oh no~ i'm terrified, would you care to provide some comfort?' jeez, don't worry, man, i'll protect you." there's a cheeky glimmer in his eyes and a cocky smirk on his face which you very much want to wipe off with the disinfectant in the toilet.
"it's not all that bad, c'mon! give it a-" turning back to the tv, the sudden attack of the demogorgon lashing out at the camera has the male screaming, hiding behind your body in fear.
"you were saying, mr superman?" you deadpan, unlatching his arms around your waist as you sink deeper into the sheets with your phone in hand.
[day 17]
haechan thrashes in his sleep, almost knocking the wine glass you had in your hands when he crosses over the pillow barrier you made.
"what in the hell-" you winced, keeping an eye on the male should he have any more outbursts that would ruin both wine night and the stuff you were working on for the article.
with tipsy hands, your keyboard keys unconsciously write out a letter of disdain and confusion regarding haechan, the boy sleeping next to you with a cute drooling face and curly hair.
with beautiful tan skin like that, you wondered why he didn't model instead. with a voice as impressive as his, you wondered why he didn't sign a contract. with natural hosting capabilities, you wondered why didn't fucking get the place of a talk show host.
because man, he can get pretty bothersome sometimes.
[day 20]
the next few days pass by with a breeze.
despite not knowing how the current pandemic will turn out, you find haechan more bearable, his habits being dumped in the past with a wave of a hand.
petty arguments occur, of course, until one of you brushes off the matter like nothing.
today was one of the days you won't back down.
there's worry evident on your face, eyes scanning through every last document on the stupid laptop. fingers travel fast over the keyboard as the realisation slowly dawns on you.
with slumped shoulders, you take a deep breath before turning to the male.
"what do you mean you accidentally deleted my article? i know we're sharing the damn laptop, but we established that you stay on your files and i stay on mine."
the other waved his hand, "i did not touch any of your files, (y/n), i'm not sure what happened."
"how could you not know? what the hell? i had good content on it, but now i have to spend more hours reorganising the news and interview answers and everything else in my notes. thanks, lee haechan."
"maybe if you weren't so caught up in me trying to sabotage your place in the publication team, then you would've believed me." he shrugged, taking a seat on the one bed like nothing.
you scoffed, arms crossing across your body. "funny how you mention sabotage because a villain never reveals their motive. that's why you came with me, didn't you?"
haechan stuck his tongue out to the side of his mouth, eyes blinking and rolling like an 8-ball that it sickened you to the core.
"villain? i'm the villain?"
"was i not clear?" you hiss, stepping closer to the male.
"no, make it more precise, please. i wanna hear it word for word. spit it out, coward."
with every word, you plunged your finger into his chest, looking deep into his eyes. "you're set out to take my place for department editor, where you know i'm best at."
"and that department would be...?" he crossed his arms, looking down at you with scorn you wished you could slap off his face.
"the..." you gulp with his face all up in yours, eyes boring as he awaits your answer, no doubt losing confidence at your realisation.
"the world depart...ment? you love to travel, right?" you trail off, biting your lip in anxiety when you remember how he was on the plane. you don't exactly remember whether he was more excited or scared.
"wrong! try again."
"politics?" you propose.
haechan's face contorts into disbelief, with his mouth twisted with perplex and eyebrows furrowed. "me? politics?"
your mouth runs dry at the roadblock you've faced, and as that annoying, stupid smirk grows, your hatred for him increases by the charts.
"naming departments i'd rather die than join, running your mouth, accusing me of deleting your files..." haechan shakes his head dramatically, rolling his eyes and letting out a fat sigh.
"you think i wanna be stuck here with your infuriating ass? god, you're so entitled, aren't you? aren't you?!"
"talking like you own the place, talking like you're the only one in this world, talking like- mhfh-"
within three angry steps, you were across the room.
within three booming steps, your hands were on his face.
within three significant steps, you were kissing lee haechan.
"you never learn to shu..." with horror, you're brought back from the trance with widened eyes.
"oh, god, sorry. what. what the hell. what the fuck?" you whisper, pushing the boy away with both hands in a panic, trying to highlight your scorn for him by wiping your lips on your sleeve.
had you liked it?
the other scurried to the balcony in a frenzy while you collected yourself in the bathroom, although no amount of water could calm your nerves.
with shaky words in bed, you both agreed to never talk about it again.
[day 25]
"hey, i can see your damn annotations on my article, (y/n). will you stop it?" haechan whines, making you second guess if he was joking or not.
for the nth time that day, you roll your eyes and proceed to sip from your cup of gin tonic that haechan desperately wanted you to try. it was... a refreshing taste, but hell, you wouldn't drink this even if it was the last beverage on earth.
"i'm just giving my feedback, be thankful i didn't bring up that stupid kiss five days ago. bleugh."
haechan falls quiet at that, fingers lingering over the keyboard as he typed out some note with the speed of a sloth's.
"hey, call me donghyuck. that's my actual name," he mumbles, glancing at you through his bangs while he awaits your reply.
"donghyuck? is haechan an alias?"
the boy shrugs, "i don't know, maybe. my friends gave it to me when i was younger, and i just stuck with it."
"full sun? your friend gave it to you, sure." you grin with a gesture of your hand, almost spilling the gin in the clear glass before breaking into small laughter with the other.
[day 28]
"hey! hey, what the hell?" you whisper, feeling the boy huddle up to you in lightning speed.
"what is wrong with you?" you whisper-shout, nudging him off your body as his phone screen remains as the only thing illuminating his face.
"sorry, i- i was watching stranger things while i was shitting and after i cleaned up... i heard something and bolted out of there."
"so now you're butt naked? hyuck, ew!" you groan, thankful for the sheets that were covering your body and his junk. his reluctance to get off you didn't seem to bother you as much as earlier, but you still wished he wasn't literally naked against you.
"go put on your underwear, you big baby. i'll be here when you come out. no demogorgon is going to come out, for real."
"no no, i was watching season two and it was that big shadow thingy that freaked me out. can't you feel this poor boy shivering?" haechan sighed, eyes never leaving the corridor that led to the bathroom.
"i can, and i also can feel your dick. please get dressed, or you're sleeping on the floor," you mumble, pulling the sheets to cover your freezing body.
[day 31]
your face hits something soft, cuddling into it even further because of its warmth before you realise there was only one other thing that would be warm in the room.
haechan.
your breath shakes, and your eyes widen as you pull yourself away from his embrace. your subtle movement leaves him thrashing around, though, and his arms tighten around your figure slowly and endearingly.
gulping, you will your hands to stay in their place, opting to freeze to death although there are hints of heat crawling onto your face.
when you wake up, you find that his hand's in yours and maybe you were searching for one wrong thing. an anomaly, an exception. it fit in yours perfectly, however, his tanned skin glowing lightly under the rays of sun filtering through the curtains.
you hoped he didn't realise the small shift of your fingers as they enclosed around his hand.
[day 32]
"what are you doing out here?" haechan asked quietly, peeking around the sliding door before joining you on the chilly balcony. it wasn't much, but it was still different and refreshing from the old, stagnant aircon air that was blowing in the hotel room.
"can't sleep," you whisper. you had your arms around your figure cautiously, as if it could protect you from all the bad, evil and terror in the world. at this point, you weren't sure what was it that you were feeling, but it sure didn't involve entertaining haechan's teasing.
luckily, he bit his tongue from making the usual snarky remarks.
"it's two in the morning, what's up?"
you shake your head in reply, watching the empty streets as the last light in the apartment across you switches off. sure, at two in the morning, pavements were dusty clean, and the birds were sleeping, but there would always be younger boys smoking along the road, or a drunken group of friends laughing about a past memory.
now that the pandemic forced everyone into their homes, everything was pretty much dead. there wasn't that excitement you felt when you saw a late-night kiss shared between two lovers or the snug hug of a child to his father who was working overtime that day.
"nothing's up, hyuck, it's fine. you can get back to sleep if you want."
maybe today you two were the one causing the ruckus this time, though. haechan may have let his words slipped, and at that moment, you knew you regretted that bloom in your chest when his lips met yours.
"you're so hard to read, (y/n). i want you to be able to trust me, tell me what's going on."
"why do you wanna know anyway? so you can expose me of my bad habits and weak points?" you whisper, eyes trained on the flickering lamppost a few yards away.
"there you go again! again with the sabotage?" haechan scoffed, exiting the small space and stepping back into the room of mixed emotions.
"is this just about your feelings for me?"
haechan laughed, "my feelings? might i remind you that you were the one who kissed me full on the lips twelve days ago? what was that all about? i wanna talk about it, even though we said we wouldn't! i wanna talk about why you hate me so much. i wanna talk about why your emotions are so contradictive!"
your mouth hangs open as you sputter out a heated reply, but instead gets interrupted with a knock on the door.
"keep quiet, you damn teenagers! i don't need your petty fights at two in the morning!" with padded feet, the guest returns to his room and slams the door to emphasise his complaint. swallowing, your mind goes blank as it focuses only on one question.
"why do you want to know so much lee haechan? what are you gaining out of this? if it's not sabotaging, then what is it?!" you whisper, standing your ground as with the first argument.
your throat is clenched up, and your fists are balled up tightly with nails digging into your palm. your heartbeat races like a fast car and your breathing's laboured in the cold room. there's no movement for a second, though they feel like minutes on end as haechan struggles to answer your question.
"what is it, lee donghyuck?" you cry out again, the sparkle in your eyes shining brightly from the tears of your never-ending dispute. he wished it was from the moonlight, instead. he wished the two of you were laughing over the rim of wine glasses and sharing the mischievous glimmer of the moon in your eyes.
"it's nothing. don't mind it." the other turns to catch up on sleep, leaving you to bite your lip.
"now you're doing it, now you're the one doing it. just tell me, you dumbass!" you mumble, pulling on his pyjama sleeve and tugging you to him.
"i like you, okay! it's out there now, i like you a lot, but you make it feel like a crime to do it," haechan whispers, "whatever. fuck this."
"no- what- no, we'll talk this out." you propose, adjusting your grip on his wrist with the curl of your fingers.
the male shakes his head and snatches his arm back, "no, forget it, and i'd prefer if you left me alone, (y/n)."
even with the warmth of his body next to yours, your body felt frozen and stiff. even with the thick duvet cover over you, you felt out of place in the stale hotel room, with colour becoming black and white, they merge into grey as the moonlight shone without a care for your problems.
there's action on the balcony when your eyes flutter open in the morning, noticing the quiet way haechan observes those rushing to work as well as social distancing officers making their rounds.
his eyes look hopeful and youthful, different from the tired ones the night before, or rather, this morning. you hadn't forgotten the angry neighbour banging on the door, and you definitely hadn't forgotten about how much you've wounded haechan this morning.
with a soft knock, you let him know of your presence and you just miss the way his eyes soften at your bed hair and messy appearance. his gaze turns hard in a second as he turns back to the apartment across yours, the balcony door showing your reflection of how hesitant you were.
haechan wished he could take your hands in his and accept your apology in a heartbeat, but he stayed seated and waited for whatever you wanted to say.
"don't run off, please." there's a shameful hand on his shoulders, and he's dying to get up when he sees your downcast eyes in the reflection across the street.
"i was too caught up in getting department head that i... didn't consider other possibilities. even the possibility of you uhm... liking me. it's still a weird concept to me, especially with how much we bicker."
"i'm sorry i didn't stay to hear out your feelings and rather, i just talked over you instead. i'm not sure if you want to accept this or not, but i want to open up—about this, about your feelings and... i don't know how much i've masked my emotions, i just know that we need to communicate."
the doorbell interrupts your apology, but you internally thank the housekeeping for bringing breakfast for the two of you.
with silence over breakfast, you weren't sure how the other felt as he scoffed down the croissant and almost burned his tongue with the coffee he ordered.
[day 33]
the boy barely watches the television and instead, reads over the article you were working on. seeing as it was already there when he logged on, he skimmed through it out of curiosity, finding that you were rephrasing the messy typos and sentences frantically on your notes.
haechan never forgot the way you were typing away on the laptop, eyes reading and rereading the sentences to make sure they made sense, to make sure they were clear to the reader.
the argument had taken a toll on you, too. he sees it in the way your eyes sink when your words turn out choppy and lacking, he sees it in the way you lug your body to the bathroom after a late night, he sees it in the way you struggle to hold your smile while attending an interview.
'haechan. you confuse me. i'm not...' the note below it trails off, piquing his curiosity at what it had in store.
'haechan.' big and bold letters it wrote, with a few dozen question marks below it. your writing skills shine through even in an informal note about your self-proclaimed rival, each line prompting the other to read more.
'you confuse me. i'm not sure what you're at but, it doesn't seem natural for you to tag along with someone you hate, right? that's what i was thinking too.'
'jeez, i remember hating when suyeon told me you were coming along. i didn't believe her one bit until she showed me your plane ticket and the hotel rooms next to each other. god, and when i came here, it was a day of interviewing before the damn government decided to close flights and force us into a room together.'
'i heard that other people had to be separated. i didn't know why we were the unlucky two that had to be put in a room together. i wished we didn't, almost. of course, you annoyed me when we first moved in. hogging the tv to no end, leaving your dirty underwear everywhere, running your mouth just like at our workplace.'
'i couldn't take it, maybe. sure, my brother has similar antics, but there was just something about you that just set me off, you know? i wouldn't have thought it was the opposite, or at least, i think so.'
'i'm counting the days. day 17 and i'm not sure why i feel this bubbling feeling inside me. of course, there's anger—i'm sure it's there, but there's also this other thing i get whenever i look at you.'
'my heart clenches up, and my hands become clammy, but it couldn't be a crush, right? i would've wasted my breath shouting, and my strength whacking your shoulder.' that makes haechan chuckle and look over at you where the soft light dances over your face.
'and then i started imagining. how would your arms wrap around me? how would your infuriating laughter, which somehow turned out to be so contagious, feel in the crook of my neck? yikes, that was cheesy.'
'what would it feel like if we fell in love for one night? where would you bring me and what would we eat? would we make out in your car like unruly teenagers?'
'what would it be like to love you? it's dumb, isn't it? i don't know. i've liked this bickering thing we had going on, and it's amusing to see you one-up me. i'm not sure if i want that to change and i'm not sure if you want us to, either.'
'maybe i'm wrong, and i'm the only one in this thing. this is so stupid, writing while he's sitting next to me. i'll regret this, maybe. goodnight.'
haechan sighs, closing the device in thought, confused at the words he wasn't exactly supposed to read. had you done this on purpose? he was sharing the laptop with you...
the boy brushed it off, placing the laptop on the vanity before adjusting your side of the duvet, hoping he could find the right words. with hesitant steps, he keeps to his side of the bed, thinking, thinking, thinking.
when he couldn't no more, haechan fell into the spell of slumber in the comfortable hotel room.
[day 34]
"tea?" he asks from the bathroom as the door clicks behind you, returning from the short hotel walk with a new keychain hanging from your sling bag.
"yeah sure, thanks."
the water runs as he fills up the kettle as the constant whir of the aircon and the conversation on the television keeps you company in the vast quietness of the room.
you weren't sure if you should say anything, but when you saw the dishevelled appearance of your roommate, you knew you had to bring up the argument and apology.
"haechan, about our... feelings. do you want to talk about them?" you whispered, a reply reaching your ears in the form of his spoon against the porcelain mug.
haechan hands you the drink wordlessly, sitting on the chair at the vanity before sipping cautiously at the tea. there are unexchanged glances between the two of you before he sighs at your expectant hand tapping the sheets.
"i think it's about time we did," he mumbled, dragging the laptop off the wooden table with anxiety. the other opened it without saying anything, catching you by surprise when the mouse hovers over your note.
"hae- donghyuck! no! what the hell?"
he holds up a hand and clicks on it anyway, making your heart drop to your stomach as he turned the device towards you.
"read the bottom." haechan whispers as you pull the laptop closer to you, settling it on your lap as he observed your expressions carefully.
'i read it, i'm sorry.' you look at him and lift up a hand to prepare to whack him, a defeated sigh escaping you before you carried on.
'was it wrong to read it? of course, and i cannot apologise more for doing shit like that when we still have unsolved tension between us in this small ass room. it was incorrect, but.'
'do you feel the same as me? is bickering all we have to do? why can't we work anything out? they're the questions i keep asking myself after i read your letter.'
'i guess i was too caught up in the fight and not wanting to be the loser that i... can't deny that i've never thought about wanting to get to know you, even if you were that sought out to be my destined enemy.'
'when we fought earlier, you kissed me. i know we said not to mention it, but, uhm, it was good. i liked it. i'm not sure if the reason why you did it was because of the reason you mentioned in the note, but at the time, i assumed it was to shut me up. i thought something would happen after, though you pushed me away and apologised right away.'
'it was a far off dream that i had, but i think it was after i bandaged your foot. you said that you didn't know what was going on in my mind, and i told you.'
'it was like, i was granted an insight into an alternate world, another universe where you didn't feel the strain, where you legitimately assumed i was going for your position.'
'you scoffed when i confessed, right then and there, on day 9. i was counting, too, and it was a scary, confusing dream. i think that's why i held it off as long as i could until your words puzzled and angered me further because you just didn't get it.'
'you scoffed and told me to get lost, pushing on my shoulders where we fought on the balcony for everyone to see. you never spoke to me, you never mentioned my article nor the interviews. we never joked over wine, and we always kept to our side of the bed.'
'i was convinced that heaven wanted me to stay away from you and your heart. maybe it was broken too many times, and you had someone up there looking out for you.'
'i feel like i'm copying off the textbook of some greek mythology starter pack, but i'm for real! no kidding.' you smiled, looking at him with nervous eyes at the small joke he put in.
'i guess whoever put that dream in my sleep really wanted us not to be together because i think i would've told you i liked you on the spot itself. i let my conscious get the best of me.'
'i know this is a lazy way of conveying my feelings, and i wished i could do it with words, but i feel like you wouldn't believe me otherwise. i rushed it this morning when you went on your morning walk around the hotel and when you let me know of your stroll in a soft voice, i wanted nothing more than to get you in my arms as we wake up to the housekeeping service.'
'i didn't want any more tension between us, and i didn't want to be interrupted by your alarm while we avoid each other more. it hurts seeing you escape the room in haste. you said it was weird for me to tag along with someone i hate, too, and that someone was you. i guess you found out why.'
looking up, you found him right in front of you, mouth dry from his reply to your letter. with a gulp, you leaned forward to meet his lips halfway.
"i'm sorry to whoever's up there," he whispers, prompting a grin and a laugh out of you.
the laptop is forgotten on the bed as haechan situates himself over you, clutching your shoulder gently while his lips move quickly, fast to make up for lost time.
"wait wait, wait, you're not playing me, are you?" you mumble in return, reluctantly pulling away while witnessing the way his eyes soften at your guard still up. haechan shakes his head forlornly, tongue pressing up against the side of his mouth nervously.
"no, i'm not, (y/n)," he says quietly with as much sincerity he can muster, removing his hand from your shoulder with a forced smile.
"okay." there's a shakiness to your voice, but when you bring his lips back to yours, it gives you a rush of confidence. your skin is burning up, and your hands can't stop wandering as his lips capture yours, repeatedly moving against yours like a trance.
you grant haechan access to your mouth with a whimper, melting into his embrace as his arms wrap tighter around your figure. his eagerness lingers when he pushes forward, straddling your lap as his leg nudges the laptop.
"wait, hyuck, wait, the laptop!" you joke, placing the device on the floor before getting back into the kiss with just as much fervour. within a minute or so, the other breaks away to say the words you so hated to hear:
"we... we need to talk. we can't just kiss the fight off, although i very much like to," haechan murmurs the last part, making you stifle a smile.
you nod quickly, repeating the word "okay" like a robot. your hands naturally travel from his arms down to his fingers, and you clutch them like your life depended on it.
"we have... established, that i like you, correct?" haechan whispers, scooting closer as his tea-ridden breath surrounds you. from here, you could even smell the buttered croissant he ate this morning.
it made you smile, something simple as that.
"why- why are you laughing (y/n)?" he asks anxiously, eyes darting to find the reason why you found this so funny.
"no. no no no, i'm thinking of... the croissant you ate just now, and," you sigh, resting your head on his broad shoulder.
"i'm thinking of the way your eyes light up when you show me the articles you idolise so much, and i'm thinking of the way you cuddle up to me whenever we watch stranger things."
"i'm thinking of the way you thought i wouldn't give you a chance, even though i've been pondering on the same thing as you. i'm thinking of the things that make up lee haechan, lee donghyuck. yes, you like me, and yes i like you, but i guess i haven't told you the reason."
"i hated you, i really did. i found every reason to convince my mind to hate you. gaining trust, signing up for events you didn't know shit about, sucking up to the seniors, stealing my friends when they didn't know your personality. the personality i didn't even want to know because i was too busy in my little bubble."
"assuming you'd want to get department head was the cherry on top, because why else would you want to tag along? that was the factor that convinced me and confirmed my suspicions from day one."
you grunt in opposition, clearly not liking the truth that was spilling from your lips. haechan deserved to know, however. you kept your eyes trained on his lap where his hands were holding yours in support, crumbling from the blindness that caused your hatred.
"so from then, the plane ride, immigration, the cab to the interview place, the cab back, the hotel room, my hatred for you boiled over." you listed, voice breaking as you looked haechan in the eye.
"it was stupid of me to assume, to assume the worst of you when i didn't even know you. i wasn't even sure why i felt so bitter looking at you, but the way you acted, the way you whined, worked me up so much that i figured that was how you were."
"now when i'm sitting here with the curtains drawn, i can see why you're so attractable and easy to talk to and easy-going and bright that my friends keep talking to you."
"i can see why the seniors turn to you because you're reliable and hardworking without uttering a single word."
"i can see why you wanted to hop on this flight with me because you're always curious about the world and how you can expand your skill set."
and as you said word after word, haechan observes you with a soothing hand against your forearms. his eyes shine for a different reason, for the lost time he could've had if the two of you didn't have this massive barrier. a massive barrier that's been up for the longest time.
brick by brick, the wall is being torn down. as you hold haechan's face in the stillness of the room, you feel closer to him than you've ever felt and his tears match your frustrated ones.
choking on sobs, delayed apologies were all you could whisper.
"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, really. we fought so bad that day, and i was so goddamn insensitive..." you sigh, swallowing a lump when his hand reached up to wipe the tears. with a blocked nose, you breathe shakily as housekeeping interrupts the moment.
you nod towards the door as he stood up slowly to reveal the same housekeeping girl. she cleaned up the bathroom and wardrobe quietly as the two of you stood awkwardly in the small space. she had left the sheets since everyone was practically stuck in, anyway.
haechan nudges you toward the door with a shove, shooting the same housekeeping girl a small smile and a bow as an apology to the previous run-in.
"he confessed his feelings?" she inquired softly, noticing the tear marks on your face.
you bit your lip, "yeah."
"that's good, he's finally not a coward." she laughs, folding the used towels and placing them with her.
you leaned against the door, asking for an explanation with your puzzled look.
"he was someone i liked, before. we had classes back in high school. it was just a dumb crush, honestly." the housekeeping girl shrugs, resting her head on her fist in thought.
"i think he liked me, and i did too, but we didn't do much except for exchange looks and flirt because both of us were just too scared." she shakes her head and adjusts the disinfectant spray bottle, fidgeting with the nozzle.
"i'm glad he had enough courage to admit his feelings."
nodding along to her statement, she bids you farewell as her figure fades with each step, leaving you with a sense of calmness to the end of this situation.
[day 38]
"is... is this okay?" haechan asks, arm hovering over your body while waiting for your confirmation. you smile and nod, sinking into his side as you venture in the third season of stranger things together.
"don't you think we should be working on our articles?" you whisper, looking up at him from where you were with raised eyebrows.
the boy opens and closes his mouth in thought, gesturing to the television with an exaggerated expression.
"stranger things, ma'am."
you click your tongue and sigh with a smile, turning back to the show as you try to relax for an online interview in a few hours.
[day 39]
"what do you say about my set-up?" haechan nudges you, proud of the hangout area he prepared on the balcony. although small, he had no trouble making it look comfortable.
with a smile, you pop open the wine to celebrate the last scheduled interview for the trip, clinking glasses with haechan in the setting sun.
the country you were supposed to return to was slowly opening up flights for those stranded overseas and as refreshing as a different environment was, you missed home and the warmness of it.
you missed the office and your desk. hell, you even missed the mediocre coffee from the pantry.
with the last of the wine finishing, haechan pours half into your glass and the other into his, clinking one last time before you one-shot the beverage.
the high of the alcohol is gradually brought down by the mellow atmosphere and colours of twilight. as pink and orange cross over on the horizon, haechan mumbles a low "c'mere" to you in the darkness.
you hum in response and get up from your seat, bringing a pillow with you as haechan shifts to make space. sinking naturally into his arms, you sigh while you try to contain a smile full of content.
"this is nice," you admit, the corners of your lips disobeying your command, prompting you to shoot him a smile. haechan nods against your hair, a comfortable arm around your waist while you trace the tan skin of his arm.
the other taps your waist repeatedly, turning in response as he whispers out a question that makes your heart melt.
"can i kiss you?" you grin, slipping a hand around his neck and pulling him in right away. haechan's caught by surprise, laughing into your lips and striving to savour the moment as much as he could.
a shout from across the hotel distracts you from the kiss. looking up, you realise it was the apartment resident opposite you shooting you a 'rock on' gesture.
"you guys are not fighting anymore! congrats!" you both stifle a snort as you wave back to the resident, sighing in relief when their balcony door slides shut.
"should we go inside, m'lady?" haechan giggles, replying in the form of a nod, cleaning up the area while you head in.
[day 41]
"i didn't think they'd be letting flights in so early," you mumble, folding your clothes neatly as your vision shifts to haechan... shoving his fair share of apparel into his luggage.
"donghyuck... what the hell?" you roll your eyes, shoving the boy softly as you took over the task at hand. switching personalities almost immediately, haechan fakes an interview segment with exaggerated tones.
"see, everyone, this is how you convince someone to do the work for you," the boy lays on the bed with a satisfied expression, "now i don't have to do anyth- ow!"
"if we ever live together, maybe i should punish you by doing the laundry and then folding it," you grunt, working at the speed faster than you expected while you fold shirt after shirt.
"are you proposing we move in together?" haechan peeks through an open eye, curiosity dripping from his tone. he tried to feign nonchalance but awaiting your answer felt like a weight on his heart.
your next words lifted that weight, a seemingly invisible force bringing his upper body off the bed as he stares at you in shock.
"maybe, not now but... in the future, maybe," you mumble the last part, focusing on the clothes to prevent the male from seeing the fluster on your face.
"for real?" haechan sits up, biting his lip to contain his excitement as your confirmation.
"we'll be all stupidly domestic and shit, and i'll say i love you five years from now before you go off for work if you want that and stuff," your voice goes lower and quieter, especially towards the end, biting off way more than you could chew.
"aw! i love you too!" haechan gushes, bringing you into an embrace as your hands go limp, scrambling to explain your emphasis on the 'future'.
"d-donghyuck, i meant the future, not now..." you manage to spit out, hoping you need not answer his queries any more. your mind blanks out at the current situation, wishing you hadn't said those dumb things.
he grins into your neck, "i know, i'm just answering for future me."
you groan and escape the hug with a roll of your eyes, "yuck, too cheesy!" the boy just lets out a laugh, watching the way you fold his clothes despite your initial annoyance.
[day 42]
suyeon switches between the two of you in disbelief, finger crooked at the ambiguity of "we like each other".
"wha-" suyeon doesn't get the chance to finish the sentence before you shoot her a thumbs up, grabbing haechan by the arm and your stuff with the other.
you were happy to leave the office after a quick debrief since you two had reported to the office right after arriving at the airport, relieved when you heard he'd spare a few more days for your articles to be cleaned up.
"so, (y/n), what would you like to do now?" haechan looks at you through the reflective material of the elevator, observing the nervous wringing of your fingers.
you're glad for the material protecting your face because there's a smile that you struggle to keep as his soft, gentle voice carries through the quiet space.
the anxiety ends when the lift sounds, prompting your eyes to trail down his arm. your hand moves on its own accord, grabbing his last finger with yours as you proceed into the lift sheepishly, not missing the way haechan's eyes show his bright smile behind the mask.
"maybe i'll get to know you more, lee donghyuck."
haechan lets out a gasp, "have you not learned about me enough? scandalous."
you feign a punch in his direction, the luggage beside you tripping over its wheels due to your swift movement. the only response you get is a giggle from the other as he tightens his pinky around yours, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek right above your face mask just as the elevator doors open.
"man, i really do want to punch you now," you mutter as you let haechan lead you, wanting nothing more than to rest in the arms of your enemy-turned-friend? enemy-turned-someoneyoulike?
you weren’t exactly sure.
he doesn't answer during the walk to the main road, nor the ride back to your home, the only constant thing being the way he admires your profile in the taxi, shrugging when you counter with a playful "what?".
"nothing," haechan grins.
[there are more days to come]
sure, day forty-one may not have been the day you fell in love with haechan, nor the day where he outwardly claims you as his lover.
but, taking it slow never hurt anyone, either.
you know it in the way he tells you he can't go in unless he's invited and you see it in the way he asks if he can switch the television on while you prepare some drinks.
like the hotel, you know it in the way he asks if he can kiss you and the way he deepens his kisses with caution.
you appreciate it in the way he quickly apologises for a personal question, while visibly relaxing as you brush it off with a smile.
with hours pass, day forty-two becomes day forty-three, and haechan remains as chivalrous as always.
days pass, and you submit your articles. weeks pass, and you get to know the boy more and more. months pass, and you feel his love in the way he plays with your fingers in the dark and pulls you close under the sheets.
even if you hadn't acknowledged the love between the two of you, that note you wrote half-drunk matched the way you felt now—with how your heart clenches up and with how your grin never leaves your face with haechan around.
there are more days to come with lee haechan, lee donghyuck, even if it meant getting stuck together in a hotel room with unsaid words.
#nct#nct haechan#lee haechan#lee donghyuck#nct scenarios#nct imagines#nct fluff#nct smut#nct angst#haechan#haechan scenarios#haechan imagines#haechan fluff#haechan smut#haechan angst#nct dream#nct dream scenarios#nct dream imagines#nct dream fluff#nct dream angst#nct dream smut#nct 127#nct 127 imagines#nct 127 scenarios#nct 127 fluff#nct 127 angst#nct 127 smut#nct x reader#haechan fic#haechan drabbles
358 notes
·
View notes
Text
alright so im watching inside for the millionth time rn so i decided to write down some thoughts on certain parts of the special
i can already tell this is gonna be personal, also please tag me in your own theories i quite like reading them
white womans instagram: the most beautiful fucking moment in this special, i think its about how we stereotype people harshly without knowing that they all have depth to them, and they have lives as well.
unpaid intern: quite obvious, bo says it himself that the song is taking a twist on old songs about working hard and the labour exploitation of people for corporal benefit. i think also interesting is the part afterwards with the reaction, i think that part is about how you look at your older work that you poured your heart into and just see its shit.
look whos inside again: bo burnham became famous after writing some songs on the internet while he was just a bored guy in his room, the covid pandemic gave him a reason to hide back inside, and never want to leave again
welcome to the internet: ah the internet, where people can become famous or forgotten in seconds. where everyone in the world is rapidly talking around you. you can get away with almost anything as long as it isnt a crime, hell you can get away with some, millions of guys show their dick to strangers each day. everyone you can think of is here, pedophiles and children right next to each other. you can say basically what ever you want and someone will support you. you can see horrific news right next to mums filimg their kids at a festival. misinformation spreads like wildfire and you can destroy a life with a paragraph. hell children see porn and gore here why not. not to mention the mass corporations, showing the internet off as a place where you will be adored by everyone, and that its always been for you. everything is happening, all of the time, the whole world is at your finger tips, but you can destroy it in the process. so basically its about how the internet is so vast and massive and everything is happening at once.
that funny feeling: this’ll be a long part cause i want to sorta look into all or most of the lines in this song, if you want more of them just go to the genius page for the song (https://genius.com/Bo-burnham-that-funny-feeling-lyrics) but this is just my personal interpretation
so on a basis, “the funny feeling” bo is describing is hard to word but its that feeling that “the world is melting apart and we could fix it, but we dont” or “we’ve fucked up everything”. thanks some random reddit user for explaining it to me but ill get into the lyrics
stunning 8k resolution meditation app: in honour of the revolution its half of at the gap (google app store: the revolution was a big event that changes and took the lives on many, and all we do to honour it was give a half off discount.
a gift shop at the gun range a mass shooting at the mall: so im not american but in america, gun violence is everywhere, it takes the lives of so many innocent people every year and every time something viscous happens politicians and the media just go “well ok”, and when confronted about the issue and how we could solve it they just say they cant or they shouldnt. i wanted to stay un political but look at this movie, a lot of it is political
reading pornhubs terms of service: porn and masturbation is something that brings you joy, but at a point it all just feels so numb, nothing brings you emotion anymore and all you can do is feel ashamed, so you sit there and just read the tos cause who even cares anymroe
obeying all the traffic laws in grand theft auto 5: gta is a game you play for thrill and to break shit, but instead youre just sitting there and calming driving along, cause like the other one, things and games you used to enjoy just dont feel the same anymore.
hey what can you say? we were overdue, but itll be over soon, you wait: imo the best line in the special, who cares anymore, we’ve all lived longer than we ever thought we would, but who cares we probably dont have much longer anyway. or its talking about optimistic nihilism where you go “hey we’re all gonna die anyway, lets stop freaking out about everything and just let it wash over us”
all eyes on me: it feels like that one peaceful moment you get in the mess, the eye of the storm. the feeling when you sit there on the floor of your room and look out the window and you just feel still. you stop overthinking everything and all the mess just melts away, just for a little while.
any way yeah peace bye
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Protagonist - Hyunjin
❀ Slice of life
❀ Warning: mentions of death & covid-19
❀ Word count: 8k
❀ When your best friend Ryujin cheats on her boyfriend who you’re also friends with, you’re stuck to pick up the pieces of their relationship. When Ryujin starts pushing you away and Hyunjin starts keeping you close, you wonder who was a better friend to you in the first place and uncover new feelings you never knew you had.
❀ A/N: i know i haven’t written in like a year?? but i suddenly had inspiration to write. Honestly, I felt the inspiration after I didn’t get picked job opportunity I really wanted (and thought I was going to get). I was put on the waitlist, but it still hurt my ego. But, I had some other good news and you can read on my blog about it, but I still wanted to write. I didn’t really have anything in mind, but I just let my words take me where it needed to be. Also, don’t get used to me writing, I won’t be writing often or at all. I’m not that into skz anymore LOL
------
Do you ever feel like you’re not the protagonist of your own story?
Yeah, that’s how I feel everyday.
Especially today.
“Ok, on the count of three, we reveal our statuses ... one... two..”
“And three!”
I tore open the letter from my dream college, Seoul University, probably giving myself a paper cut in the process.
“OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, I GOT IN! I got in y/n, holy shit!” I heard my friend’s words over the speaker, but I just couldn’t get the stupid envelope open.
“Fuck this.” I grabbed the scissors nearby and cut the damn thing open, revealing a thin piece of white paper.
I regret to inform you that you have been...
I felt tears well up in my eyes instantly at the words “regret” and “inform”, already knowing where the letter is taking me.
“Y/N?? What does it say?!”
I cleared my throat. “I didn’t get in...”
I cried harder, silently, when I heard her moans of agony. “No fucking way! You’re a WAY better student than I am! There’s something wrong.”
I shook my head. I was a good student, but I wasn’t the best personality. I was only in two clubs: acapella club and bagel club. Not good enough for the best university in our city.
“It’s ok. I have plenty more universities I applied to, I’ll be ok. I’m so, so happy for you though! I swear you’re gonna have so much fun!”
My stomach churned as I said those words. Did I really mean them? I didn’t feel happy in the moment.
“Ugh, I hate this... I really thought we would be roommates!”
I set the pristine piece of paper on my desk; I didn’t even want to look at it anymore.
“Don’t worry about it. This could even be a good thing! We’ll meet new people and just widen our group of friends. It’ll be awesome. Plus, I’m too weird for this clean cut college.” I joked.
That made her laugh. “You’re right, they couldn’t handle your personality. Anyways, I got to go to drama club right now, talk later? And again, I’m really sorry y/n.”
I pursed my lips. “Talk later, and don’t worry about me!” I ended the phone call and let the tears fall freely from my eyes.
I knew this would happen.
How could I compete with a chemistry major with a 4.0 GPA and the president of 2 clubs with a bombass personality? I was nothing compared to her.
I picked up the piece of paper and took one good look at it before crumpling it into a ball and throwing it. The soft thud barely made a sound which was anticlimactic. I was trying to have an angsty teen moment here??
Sometimes I felt like I was just a side character in a movie or a book. I was that girl who watched her best friend experience all these things in life and you just stand by them and cheer them on. They are the ones who have a mental breakdown and somehow end up with the love of their life at the end.
That was my best friend, Ryujin.
She was the one that every guy and girl fell for. Her charisma bounced off walls and even made me dizzy at times. And it wasn’t even like she was the “girly-girl” that we see in movies, no no no, tomboys are much trendier nowadays. She was confident around guys and wasn’t afraid to embarrass herself in front of anyone. I was insanely jealous of her sometimes which I would never admit.
She’s funny and adventurous, pretty and athletic: she is everything I ever wanted to be in a person.
She even had the hottest guy in the school as her boyfriend, Hwang Hyunjin.
I, on the other hand, was the opposite of her. I wasn’t overly awkward and uncomfortable to be around like the protagonists of some books. I wasn’t even cold and hostile like the mysterious girl in fanfiction.
No, I was just completely and utterly average.
I wasn’t “ugly” or whatever that means. You wouldn’t cringe away if you saw me, but the only guys I attract on the streets are the ones who might follow me home. I was friendly to people I met and was the queen of small talk. I was girlier than I wanted to be and try to put on makeup, but end up with botched eyebrows and nonexistent mascara-- that didn’t stop me from trying though.
I cringed at every horror movie, I hate sports, I love astrology, and the only close friends I have are girls.
Well, the only friend I truly have is Ryujin and all her friends became mine.
Any who, I was the girl that if a story was written about her, it’d be about 2 minutes long. I never had any big failures or big achievements. No family issues or tragic past. Nothing. I was a normal girl with a normal life.
And now one who wouldn’t even be going to college with her best friend who she depends on for her social life. Oh yeah, I was a burden too. Now she can’t even be fully happy because of me.
Great, just great.
I felt a buzz near the bottom of my foot. I sighed and kicked it towards me.
‘Ok i wasnt going to ask you this, but i just have to. did you know?’ -hyunjin
I squinted my eyes, re-reading the message to see if I got that correctly. What the heck is he talking about?
‘what are you talking about?’
‘are you being serious?’ -hyunjin
Ok, now this is just weird. I sat up in my bed, suddenly interested in this conversation.
‘im being serious. i have no clue what you’re talking about. care to inform me?’
I sent the text, realizing this is probably the longest conversation Hyunjin and I have had over text. We often hung out in person in groups, since he was Ryujin’s boyfriend and we did have the occasional deep conversation, but talking like this was new territory.
‘im 100% sure ryu would tell her best friend that she cheated’ -hyunjin
Wait. What did he just say?
Suddenly I was standing, pacing around the room.
‘ok, i’ve officially lost whatever ur talking about. what the hell are you saying? ryujin did not’ I typed in confidence, but realized I shouldn’t immediately attack the victim. I erased the message and called him.
He picked up almost instantly.
“What the hell did you just say?” I heard him shift around, probably in his bed.
“I said, I’m sure that Ryujin would tell you if she cheated-”
“Ok, that, stop right there. You’re saying Ryujin cheated on you?” I felt my head spin.
Ryujin can’t be a cheater. That’s impossible. And plus, she would’ve told me if something was wrong in her perfect relationship.
I heard a loud chuckle on his side. “Wow, you really don’t know do you.” I shook my head, but I realized he couldn’t see me.
“Um, I really don’t, so I would really love it if you explained.”
“What’s there to explain? She came to my house two days ago and told me she was cheating on me with Jeongin. Yang fucking Jeongin, who is, yes, a grade younger than us!”
I winced at his volume. Hyunjin was a lot of things, but he definitely wasn’t a liar. Neither was Ryujin which is why I had no idea what was going on.
“You have anything to say?” He asked. But I was in complete shock.
“Well, um... I’m gonna talk to her about this. Bye, Hyunjin.” I hung up the phone and tossed it on the side of my bed despite his muffled talking.
What the fuck is going on?
-------
“I’m asking you a simple question, did you or did you not cheat on Hyunjin?”
After Ryujin came home from drama club, I was already there waiting at her door. She gave me a weird look since we live a good 20 minute walk away from each other, but yes, this conversation was worth the exercise.
“Excuse me, what did you just say?” She asked with a sassy tone, but I had no time for this bullshit.
“Did you cheat on Hyunjin? God Ryu, just answer the question!” I felt my face turning red and I knew I was losing my temper. I had no idea why I was so upset, but I just was.
I saw her features contort, and I knew I was going to hear the truth.
“Ok, yeah, yeah I did.”
My heart dropped.
We didn’t say anything to each other for a couple of seconds. It was like we were both taunting each other, which she doesn’t have the right to do in this moment.
“Are you serious? Why?” I asked incredulously.
She didn’t say anything yet walked passed me and straight to her door.
“Hey, what the hell?”
“Y/N, I cheated on him, what else is there to say? It’s done, it happened!” I almost flinched at her tone. It was bitter and angry and it was a tone I was used to with her.
“What the fuck? Ryu, why wouldn’t you tell me? And this is breaking Hyunjin’s heart-”
“You know what? I don’t have to tell you everything about my relationship! It has nothing to do with you. It doesn’t even matter, ok? I just don’t wanna talk about it.”
I stood silently, wondering who was this person in front of me.
“Fine, I’ll leave then.”
As I walked back to my house, I couldn’t help but feel like I was stuck in the protagonist’s drama once again.
-----
It was almost 1am when I got back home. Thankfully, my parents were asleep and thought I was staying the night at Ryujin’s like I told them. I snuck in the house and collapsed on my bed. This was too much emotion for one day.
I peered down at my phone and saw the light illuminate the room.
‘So. is your world shattered like mine?’ -hyunjin
I bit my lip. Was it weird to text my best friend’s ex-boyfriend like this? Technically, we were somewhat of friends too. So I’m not breaking any rules.
‘this is fucked up. im rly sorry man, she really didn’t tell me.’ I brushed my hands through my hair and felt the sweat sticking to it. I had walked back in the spring heat, it was too much.
‘Damn, I didn’t think she would pull something like that and not even tell YOU. that’s cold.’
‘tell me about it. we were just fine earlier today, dont know whats goin on with her.’ I hesitated before typing the next part. ‘also, i know we arent the closest and ik im also ryu’s friend, but im here for you bro. this is a messed up situation’
‘Thanks, that means a lot... most of my friends are making fun of me for getting cheated on... with a JUNIOR. disgusting.’
I snorted. ‘technically, if ryujin didn’t skip a grade, she’d be a junior too.’
‘y/n, pls don’t ruin this moment’
‘fine, fine, disgusting, she cheated on u with a junior. plus ur friends are felix and jisung who are also complete insensitive dickheads sometimes’
‘Thank you.’
I laughed. Hyunjin was always an interesting guy to hang out with. Sure we never texted or talked much, but he was always a joy to have around. He was quiet in school, but he was animated around his friends. And of course, an awesome boyfriend to Ryujin.
Seeing them together made me more aware of my singleness. He would open doors for her, give her his jacket when she was cold, pay for her meals, he even knew how to braid hair, like what the fuck? He was perfect.
And then she cheated on him.
And didn’t even tell me.
I rubbed my forehead. I was always a fixer. I fixed other people’s problems, which made me quite involved in their issues even if I shouldn’t be.
‘but seriously though, im rly sorry this happened to you...’
‘yeah ... a year down the drain. and plus, i got accepted to Seoul University with her today.’ My heart sank, even when I knew it shouldn’t.
Hyunjin was a smart guy, maybe a little too studious for his own good. He had lots of fun in high school, but made sure to go home early to events and not drink if he had a test the next day. He spent hours at the library at times and read in his free time, like me. Ryujin always hated it and thought we were too similar at times. Which is untrue because Hyunjin was way cooler than me.
‘If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t get accepted’
‘That actually did not make me feel better and made me even sadder because what the fuck?? you’re an amazing student!’
That made me smile of course, the valedictorian was complimenting my intellect.
‘aha thanks, i’ll probably end up going to incheon uni which isn’t too far from here so i’ll be ok’
‘That’s good, maybe i should consider going since half the senior class is going to seoul lol’
I scoffed. “hyunjin, don’t give up your dream uni just because ryujin will be there. you probably wont see her as often as u think’
‘If I decided not to go there, it won’t be because of Ryujin. But seriously, I rarely try anything new and i feel like i’m confined to a small group of people. At least at Incheon, I’ll know less people.”
I sighed loudly. Oh Hyunjin, it must suck to get a mental breakdown right before going to college. It happens to the best of us though.
‘well ok, where ever you go, i’ll know you’ll thrive!!’
‘:) thanks y/n. also, ik we dont talk much, but i really do appreciate you.’
Well, that warmed my heart... and my cheeks.
The fact that I was texting my friend’s ex boyfriend snapped me back into reality. And the fact that she cheated on him.
I gulped.
‘aw thanks hyunjin, i appreciate you too. Now get some sleep! it’s almost 2am’
I didn’t get a response back, and I hoped he fell asleep. I changed into my pajamas and did my nightly routine and fell asleep to thoughts of my friend’s ex-boyfriend.
------
I woke up to several buzzes that tickled my side. I grunted and threw the blanket off of me. I found my phone that was flung somewhere and picked it up. I turned off the notifications to stop the constant moving.
“It’s too freaking early for this.” I moaned.
I rubbed my eyes and peered down at the message.
‘hey im sorrrryyy for lashing out yesterday. i just feel guilty about the whole thing and i was afraid to tell you... also i think im in love with jeongin’ -ryujin
My eyes naturally widened at this confession.
Love? Ryujin dated Hyunjin for a whole year! How could she fall in love with Jeongin so easily??
‘excuse me?? what the fuck did you just say cuz i think u just said u LOVE jeongin??’
‘stfu. just hear me out, he’s a great guy and he’s just... normal’ -ryujin
Ok, time to call this bitch.
“Define normal?” I heard her sigh and adjust in her bed. She’s always been an early riser.
“Just, when I was dating Hyunjin, it felt like it had to be this perfect relationship. We were all friends before and it just seemed right that we dated. He was super nice and perfect and not to mention, hot, but it just felt superficial. I don’t know.”
Well this was new. Ryujin never told me much about the problems in their relationship and I thought everything was going well. Well, until now.
“I mean, I get that, you shouldn’t have to date anyone you don’t like. But, you should’ve broken up with him before!”
“You think I don’t know that? I made a mistake, ok? Can you just get off my back about it?”
There’s that temper again.
“Are you serious? You’re the one who texted ME in the morning.”
“I’m just, whatever.” She paused in between her words. “You just wouldn’t understand ‘cause you’ve never been in a relationship! I just can’t describe it, ok?” And on that note, I just hung up the phone. I was in no mood to play these games with her emotional roller coasters.
I bit my lip, knowing she would probably call me more times for hanging up on her, but I wasn’t in the mood. I was caught in between two of my friends, and I knew who was in the right and who was treating me better.
I saw my phone light up a few more times, which made me curious as to what she was sending me.
‘Hey, do you wanna have breakfast with me this morning?’ -hyunjin
I raised a brow. This was not the message I was expecting.
‘only if you’re paying’
‘deal’
-----
Soft r&b played from the speakers as I sipped from my small cup of apple juice, yes, I still drink apple juice.
“So, how are you feeling?” I finally asked the boy.
He was wearing a black tshirt and jeans and his hair was messier than usual. I could tell he wasn’t getting lots of sleep.
“As good as I can be.” He shuffled around in his chair like he had more to say. “Just, it’s still crazy to me. Getting cheated on... it’s a whole new feeling.”
I nodded, but I couldn’t relate to it.
“Yeah...” I trailed off, not really knowing what to say or how to cheer him up.
We locked eyes suddenly and I grew shy. Hyunjin was always hot in my eyes, even though I pretended he wasn’t, for my friend’s sake. And for mine.
“What did she say when you talked to her?”
I laughed. “She totally flipped on me and told me to leave. I have no idea what’s going on with her right now. She’s lashing out for no reason.” I confessed.
“Yeah, she’s acting more temperamental lately. She always had a temper but this time... this time it’s out of control.”
I nodded, understanding what he was talking about. Ryujin was a feisty girl with lots of emotions. I respect her for being in tune with her emotions, but sometimes her actions go too far. Most guys thought it was hot though.
“Anyways, I don’t want to talk about her anymore. What about you? Any relationship problems?”
I forced a small smile. “Nope, all the guys that were ‘into me’ were trying to use me to get to her.”
Hyunjin took a bite out of his sandwich and shook his head. “Stone cold Slytherin.” I laughed at that one.
“Stone cold Slytherin indeed.”
“You know, Ryu has never watched any of the Harry Potter movies?? Which is crazy because I swear the first time we talked to each other it was about what Hogwarts house we would be in.”
I nodded slowly. “Yes, yes I do know that my best friend has never watched the movies. And it pains me everyday.” He rolled his eyes at my teasing tone. “Also, I think that’s because you guys met in Mrs. Park’s English class which I also happened to be in. Remember, we all were friends first?”
I thought back to those days, those simpler times. Hyunjin and Ryujin only dated for a year, but they’d known each other since our first year of high school. We were all somewhat of friends, more like acquaintances. But one day, their friendship just went to the next level.
Hyunjin nodded his head slowly. “Yeah, you’re right. Ryujin isn’t as nerdy as you.” I scoffed, knowing that was not true. I was the dumbest in the friend group.
“Alright, whatever you say.” I was out of witty banter.
We called for the check and walked slowly to his car. For a moment, we just seemed like two friends. Two kids from school who were eating breakfast together.
But we weren’t really. I was his ex-girlfriend’s best friend. And he was the guy my best friend cheated on.
And we were both losing a person who was ignoring us.
“This is me. See you sometime?” His expression was hard to read and I didn’t know if he was saying this just to be kind or if he actually meant it. Either way, I didn’t care.
“Sure. See you.” I waved at him awkwardly and he gave me a small wave back.
-------
A few weeks went by and soon, Ryujin and I were back to normal. I still texted Hyunjin quite often, but Ryujin didn’t know that. It’s not like I was lying to her, but I didn’t feel like she needed to know. It’s not like we were going behind her back and doing anything. He just needed a friend, and so did I.
The whole world was on lockdown and school got shut down early. Everyone was locked in their homes and told to keep a distance from each other in public. My electricity bill was off the charts and I was living off of Netflix for entertainment. Sometimes Ryujin came over, but she was the only one I really saw. She was an only child, so I pitied her.
“Ok, this one or this one?” She held up two outfits that were completely different. One was a dark green shirt that tied in the front and sparkly paired with black jeans that flared slightly at the bottom. The other was a pink blouse with flowers paired with a blue denim skirt.
I looked up from my phone and sat up on the ground.
“That dark green one, it compliments your skin tone and the jeans are cute.” She nodded and tossed the other on her bed.
“Great, Jeongin will love this.”
“Are you sure he understands fashion? He’s like 12.” I felt a pillow hit me face in an instant, but the comment was worth it. The age jokes never got old.
“Shut up! He’s the same age as me, only a grade younger. You know because I skipped a grade.” She bragged. I rolled my eyes and went back to playing on my phone.
“Okay~ Whatever you say. I’m just saying, your boobies hanging out might confuse him-”
She gave me a glare to shut me up from finishing. I shrugged and looked down at my phone.
“Should you even be hanging out with him? We aren’t supposed to hang out with people during this time.”
Ryujin snorted. “It’s my boyfriend, am I supposed to ignore him? I’d rather die.” I rolled my eyes are her insensitive statement. “Plus, aren’t we hanging out right now? You’re not my family.” Ouch, I’d always considered Ryujin family, but I guess she didn’t feel the same.
“That’s different. We’re best friends and I consider you my sister, since you don’t have one.” I spat. She narrowed her eyes at me and I saw the wheels turning in her head to clap back.
“Whatever, these rules are impossible."
I stayed quiet for a little bit, but I had so much to say.
“What? If you have something to say, spit it out.” Wow, was her aggressive tone always this annoying?
I threw up my hands in aggravation. “Fine, I just think you’re moving on too fast from Hyunjin. You just broke up with him-”
“I cheated on him.”
“Ok, you cheated on him. Shouldn’t you wait a little longer to get into a relationship? It’s ... It’s sort of cruel.”
She narrowed her eyes at me but her eyes softened.
“Look, what happened happened already. He knows I have feelings for someone else. I have to live for myself, ok? I’ll see you later.”
She left the room and I knew that was my queue to leave her house.
I picked up my phone and checked my messages before I left. I only had one, how popular of me.
‘what are you doing right now?’ -hyunjin
I furrowed my brows. His timing was impeccable.
‘um... nothing now. why?’
‘can you meet up rn?’
My eyebrows rose in surprise. Mr. Rule Follower wants to break the rules of quarantine? Interesting.
‘... we aren’t supposed to hang out unnecessarily right now.’ I reminded him, just in case he forgot.
I stood from Ryujin’s floor and started to look for my car keys. The perks of being the youngest sibling is that I was given my older brother’s car when he went off to college. Sadly, he’s back, but we share the car.
‘my mom is sick. shes getting tested today’
I froze.
You never expect those words to come out of your friend’s mouth.
‘where r u?’
------
I got in my car and booked it. It’s like I was moving faster than I could think.
Hyunjin’s parents were divorced and he lived with his father, so I knew he was safe to be around. But still, he saw his mom during the summers and occasionally throughout the year. They were close.
I drove up to his house and saw him sitting there with his head buried in his arms.
“Shit.”
I parked on the side of the road and ran out as soon as I could. He jolted up when he heard the slam of my car.
“y/n-”
I grabbed him and immediately pulled him into a hug. I wasn’t sure why I did it, but it felt right.
“It’s ok, it’s going to be ok.” I said before I could think. I wasn’t sure she was going to be ok, or if he was going to be ok, but he didn’t need to know that.
I felt him shake as tears he sobbed into my shoulder.
“She’s so old, y/n. I’m so scared. I hope she doesn’t have it. I fucking hope so bad.” I squeezed him tighter. Tears fell slowly from my eyes as I felt his pain.
“I’m sorry. We’ll be ok. It’ll be ok.” I rubbed his back soothingly and sat on the steps with him when he calmed down.
“I’m sorry for being such an emotional mess right now, I hope you weren’t anywhere important when I texted you. Honestly, I called Ryujin first but she didn’t pick up.” He mumbled the last part.
I frowned, but realized why she didn’t pick up.
“You look guilty, why?”
I thought about lying to him, but what was the use?
“I was actually at her house when you texted me... she was getting ready to go on a date with Jeongin.” I admit.
I saw his face contort and he let out a few strangled cries. I pulled him closer to me and felt his head on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, I told her not to go.”
“Why? We broke up already. She made her choice.”
He took a small glance at him. His face was red and puffy; his sleep schedule was also not getting better. I knew that because we always texted at 1am.
“I know my opinion doesn’t matter, but I think she made the wrong one.”
He turned to face me and we locked eyes.
Usually with other guys, I’m skittish and sometimes awkward. I wanted to get away from them as soon as I could. But with Hyunjin, I felt at peace. I felt comfortable with him, safe even.
The boy gave me a small smile and patted me on the back. He rested his head on my shoulder again.
“Your opinion always matters, and thank you. For everything.”
“It’s not a problem.” I pet his head like I’ve seen in movies. I don’t think I’ve ever comforted a guy besides my brother. And my brother did not like to get his hair pet.
I guess Hyunjin didn’t either when he shot up. I gave him a startled look.
“What-”
“It is a problem. Why do you run to everyone who needs help, y/n?”
I froze in my spot, not knowing what to say.
“Um, I don’t know. I guess I’m just good at helping people. I like comforting people. I like making people happy.” I tried to cheer him up. I did not want him to feel like he was a burden.
Hyunjin moved out of my grasp and faced me.
“Doesn’t it get tiring though? I’ve never seen you get sad about something. And you got rejected from your dream college that we’ve been talking about for years. Still, nothing.”
I laughed and looked away. This conversation was getting too focused on me and I wanted to shift the topic immediately.
“Um, well of course I get sad. It’s just I deal with my emotions better when I’m alone. I don’t mind people seeing me sad I just want alone time when I’m upset.” That was a good answer.
He wasn’t buying it though.
A calming silence washed over us for a short moment. He kicked a small rock to the side and it trickled down the steps.
“Why do I feel like that’s a cop out answer?”
I was about to give him a snarky response, but I saw the pain in his eyes. He wanted to be distracted from his pain and wanted to focus on me.
“Do you ever feel like you’re just a side character of someone else’s story?” I blurt out. Immediately, I felt like I shared too much about myself, but I couldn’t take it back.
His silence made me anxious. So anxious.
I started to shake my leg, a nervous habit I had. Suddenly, he placed a gentle hand on my leg to stop it from shaking.
“Bad habit. Also, I guess I haven’t before. Because we are actually the protagonists of our own story. Even you.” He peered deeply into my eyes to get his point across. I gave him a weak smile because I knew he wanted to cheer me up. But I didn’t need cheering up, I accepted that I wasn’t protagonist material. I accepted it a long time ago.
But he didn’t need to know that.
“You’re right. I’m being silly.”
“Oh c’mon, y/n. You’re not being silly. You’re an amazing person. Total main character material!” I raised my brow but said nothing. He knocked gently on my head. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
So many things were going through my head. Including the fact that if I were main character material, I wouldn’t be sitting here with him right now. I’d be on some date with a cute guy. And then the whole situation would blow up in my face. And I would learn from it. And everyone would forgive me except maybe one or two people, but I would be ok with that because I learned from my mistakes and am a better person.
But that’s not me. I don’t make mistakes. I pick up the pieces of those who make mistakes. I fix them. I heal them. I’m the one who makes the main character realize they’re a shitty person.
“Too many things, Hyunjin. Too many things.” I whispered.
We said nothing for a while until he wrapped his arms around me.
“I hope your mom is ok.” I quietly said as I rested my head on his shoulder.
“Yeah, I hope so too. And I hope you realize your worth one day.”
------
‘she’s not sick!! the tests came back negative!! WOOO! party at my house... ok virutal party lol’ -hyunjin
I cheered alone in my room. The test results came back pretty quickly yet it seemed like forever ago when Hyunjin cried in my arms. And we ended up spending the whole day together after I vented my feelings to him. But that’s besides the point.
‘that’s awesome bro!!!! im so happy !!!!!!’
‘:) Thanks for being the best friend i have right now lol’ -hyunjin
I paused at the words ‘best friend’. I knew he didn’t mean best friend, but it still made me smile.
Honestly, it was pretty cool being friends with Hyunjin and I wished that we were closer friends sooner. I guess I didn’t want to get too close in case him and Ryujin broke up. I didn’t know I’d be comforting him and not her.
‘ofc. u deserve happiness hyunjin’
He didn’t respond for a couple of minutes which concerned me. He would usually tell me if he was busy, but he just left suddenly.
I tried not to think much about it so I set my phone on my table. I kept peering down at my phone every few minutes, but still nothing.
I pulled out a good book and started to read a few pages.
“y/n! I think your friend is here.”
I furrowed my brows and closed my book with a pink bookmark keeping my page.
“Friend? Didn’t know Ryujin was coming over.” I whispered. “Ok dad, I’ll be there!” I threw off blanket and opened the door. I shuffled to the front door and opened it. I ignored my dad’s weird looks as he made his way back to his room.
Once I opened the door, I saw not Ryujin, but Hyunjin.
His face was bright and I couldn’t help but smile back. His happiness was contagious, which is why he was so well-liked.
He finally fixed his hair that was getting long due to the quarantine, but it suit him. He wore gray shorts with a sweater on top.
I was suddenly aware of the gray shorts I had on.
“Hey, we’re matching.” I said lamely. He laughed with his eye smile which was his best look. “What are you doing here?”
“Wow, I’m hurt, no hello Hyunjin, I hear you come bearing good news.”
I laughed. “You texted me said good news.”
“I know, but I was wondering if you wanted to hang out right now...?” I crossed my arms and leaned against the door.
“Hyunjin, we aren’t supposed-”
“I know, I know, but I’m bored! I’m an only child too you know and I only live with my dad who hasn’t gone anywhere. And neither have I unless to see you. I know you follow the rules, so you’ve probably only seen Ryujin besides your immediate family.”
I hesitated, wondering if it was the right thing to do. My heart was saying yes, but my brain wasn’t sure.
“Just go, honey. Just be safe.” My dad’s voice boomed. I looked back and saw him giving a thumbs up.
“Really dad?” He nodded.
“Yes, but sure not to come in contact with any other people.”
I held my pinky up, and I noticed Hyunjin was holding his up too.
“Promise.”
------
The roads were so empty.
“You make me! Feel like I’m living a, TEENAGE DREAM!”
Hyunjin and I bumped to Katy Perry bops as we drove through a deserted city.
“Don’t ever look back! Don’t ever look back~”
“My heart stops!! When you look at me!” I sang.
“Just one touch, now baby I believe~” He playfully poked me.
“This! Is! Real! So take a chance and don’t ever look back~” I finished.
He turned down the volume as we reached our destination.
An empty parking lot.
“Aw, how romantic.” I joked.
“Sorry, not much places were open.” He gave me a small smile as he parked the car and rolled down the windows. We didn’t get out in case other people were around.
I unbuckled my seat belt and turned to him. He was already staring at me.
“I’m really, really happy about your mom,” I said finally. He smiled, I had never seen him this happy for almost a month now, ever since Ryujin cheated on him.
“Thank you. Also, thank you for being there when I needed you.”
I thought back to a few days ago when he was sobbing in my arms. I felt my heart shatter for him. I loved his mom too, she was always around when we were at school and was just a ball of light.
“It’s no problem.”
"Right, because you’re ‘a side character’.” He used quotation marks with his fingers to get the point across.
I rolled my eyes and pushed him. “Stop! It’s true though.”
He looked at me again, his eyes saying “explain”.
“Stop giving me that look. It’s completely obvious.”
“Tell me again, how is this obvious? Because, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but all of your thoughts are yours. You see things from YOUR eyes, your point of view, and whatever. Your life is your life; no one else is the main character y/n.”
I hated when he said my name so much. It reminded me too much of myself. I always made sure to use people’s names in sentences to show that I knew their name and to make them feel special. I knew what he was trying to do. I hated that it was working.
“Look, if I was the main character of my own story, then why would my only purpose right now to be helping yours and Ryujin’s?”
He flinched at my words.
“What?”
I sighed, feeling uncomfortable again when the topic was focused on me.
“You know what I mean. For months now, it feels like all I do is to help Ryujin’s character development. And maybe even yours. She’s the one who makes shitty decisions, I’m the one who fixes them for her. She says stupid things, and I’m the one who makes her apologize. She even gets accepted into Seoul University, leaving me behind. I just feel like everyone is accelerating and changing while I’m static! I’m the same as I was in freshman year, sophomore, junior and now senior. I’m the same person!”
Hyunjin stayed silent while I ranted. My chest rose and fell from my heavy breathing and my cheeks were dusted with pink.
“Also, if I wasn’t a side character, would I be here, hanging out with you, to help you get over my best friend cheating on you?”
He had no response for my words. And I knew he wouldn’t because he knew I was right. I was the push to get them back together. I was probably going to get a text or a call sometime by Ryujin while she begs for them to get back together. Or to ask me to fix this whole situation.
I was right.
“You really think I ask you to hang out so much because I want your help to get over Ryujin?”
His accusing tone shocked me, and it made me nervous.
I tried not to focus on the police cars passing by and calmed my nerves.
“Um... yeah, why...”
He wasn’t looking at me initially, like he was focusing on something outside of the car.
“Y/N, I ask you to hang out so much because I like hanging out with you.” He confessed.
At my lack of words, he kept going and ran his fingers through his hair.
“Just... this is hard to say... but I-I feel like I made a mistake dating Ryujin.” He blurted. This definitely got my attention.
“What??”
“Please let me finish.” The desperation in his eyes lulled me to listen.
“We were a good couple at first, but the chemistry wasn’t there. We never clicked. We didn’t talk about the same things and we could never have a deep conversation. Everything we talked about was so surface level or about her problems. She was fun to be with and a great girl while it lasted, but it wasn’t like when we hung out, even when I was still dating Ryu, we got along better.
We could talk about conspiracy theories and weird things in history like it was normal! You were always the first one I talked to when I read a new book or if I learned a cool fact. I could never do that with her and I hate that I just realized it after we broke up. And when I started to hang out with you.
It was always you all long, y/n. It was always you.”
What on earth was going on right now? This isn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to fix this relationship-
“Ok, I see you’re kind of freaking out. And it’s freaking me out, please say something.”
My leg wasn’t even shaking, that’s how numb I was at this conversation.
“I-” my voice trailed off, like I couldn’t get the words out.
“I have a lot to think about. I’m sorry, I can’t... I-” Tears filled my eyes. I didn’t know what was going on. This stuff never happened to me. Am I supposed to give an answer right away? That’s impossible! I need to talk to Ryujin first and maybe my brother and then just ignore the whole situation.
“It’s fine, take as long as you need.”
The drive back was silent, contrary to what it was before. I regret not taking my own car. I regret even hanging out with him in the first place.
As soon as we got to my house, I got out.
“Thanks for the ride.” I mumbled, because I still had manners.
“Hey y/n.”
I paused and turned around, mortified of what he was to say next.
“I meant everything I said when I said it has always been you. I think.. I think if you think about our memories together, you’ll see that.
I just.. I just needed you to know that.”
I nodded slowly, unsure of what to say.
Then he was gone.
-------
My first reaction was to eat my pain away, but I couldn’t even finish my banana.
Ryujin would never forgive me for dating her ex boyfriend right? That’s girl code 101. Even if she did cheat on him. Or does that cancel out if she cheated?
I downed a cup of water in anger.
“Woah, slow down there, you don’t want to drown yourself.” I slammed the cup down and glared at my older brother.
“Chan, please. I’m not in the mood right now.” I tried stomping away from him, but he kept talking. Like always.
“Uh oh, is it because of your boy? I can beat him up if you want.” I felt my cheeks turn red.
“No! Don’t beat him up. And he’s not my boy. He’s Ryujin’s.” I muttered.
“Wooo what? That’s a plot twist! Dad said he was completely smitten with you though. And Dad’s usually never wrong about boys and their feelings. He’s a therapist you know-”
“I know who my father is, thank you very much! And, ugh, God, I can’t even.” I couldn’t even make it to my room before I collapsed on the floor.
In the blink of an eye, Chan was sitting next to me. “Woah there, okay, this is some teenage angst I don’t know how to deal with anymore.”
Anger rushed through my body at his words. And I’m not sure why.
“Shut up! I don’t have teen angst! I don’t have any problems, ok? Just Ryujin cheated on this guy. And now I don’t know what to do!”
Chan was silent for a moment, unusual for a person like him.
“What? What do you mean what do you do?”
“I mean, how do I fix it?”
Chan laughed. “Fix what?”
“Fix their problems, are you not understanding what is going on here?”
Chan stood up, then picked me up. I would usually struggle but he plopped my on the couch, so I was ok with him... for now.
“Y/n, it isn’t your job to fix other people’s problems. How about you focus on your own right now?”
I peered down at my hands, embarrass to tell him what was going on in my life. I felt like such a trader. I helped my friend her whole life and suddenly, I was catching feels for her ex-boyfriend.
I opened my mouth to speak, but I got cut off my a buzz in my pocket. Then I got like 10 more. I pulled my phone out and saw the texts from Ryujin.
‘i think i made a mistake’
‘i dont like jeongin that much anymore’
‘hes not a gentleman like hyunjin!! he doesnt even pull out my chair when i sit or open doors for me. plus jeongin is lowkey childish and he is always pulling pranks on me!’
‘tell me what 2 do?? how do i fix this?!!??!!?’
‘also my parents are fighting again and it’s sooooo irritating !!!!’
‘sos 911 aaahhhh’
“Who is it? What do they say?” Chan asked curiously. I shoved him away from reading my phone.
“They’re from Ryujin. She’s already regretting dating Jeongin. The guy she cheated with Hyunjin on.” I wasn’t sure the sentence made sense, but Chan would understand.
Chan’s eyes widened. “Damn, dick move.” I gritted my teeth.
“And now, she misses Hyunjin. She says Jeongin doesn’t compare to Hyunjin who is nice and a gentleman. And her parents are fighting again. I got to go help.” I stood up to grab my keys, but Chan stopped me.
“Tell me why you were upset earlier.”
His stern voice shook me.
“Y/n, tell me.”
Suddenly, my tears were unable to hide and fell freely onto my cheeks. Chan’s face didn’t soften, but he let go of my arm.
“Tell-”
“Fine! Hyunjin told me he liked me. And that he regretted ever dating Ryujin.”
I fell down on the couch while Chan held me close. He pet my head, like I did to Hyunjin earlier. I guess that was a good comforting tactic.
“And now, Ryujin wants him back. What am I supposed to do?” I whispered.
“Do you like him back?”
I paused.
Did I like him back? I wasn’t sure...
Chan patted my back and stood. “I’m gonna make us some lunch, sit here and think about it. And don’t you dare think about responding to those texts.”
Hwang Hyunjin.
We’ve been in school together since we were kids. We saw each other grow up. We were never close, but we wouldn’t be awkward if we were paired together in a project.
He was always nice to me. He would remember my name contrary to all the boys in our grade. I faded into the background, especially when I became friends with Ryujin in the sixth grade.
We were in acapella together and we were always in the same friend groups, especially when Ryujin and Hyunjin got closer.
Everyone would yell and shout at us if we started talking about a book we just read or conspiracy theory we saw online. Or when we were both contemplating being vegan when we saw a deer get hit by a truck.
He was the one who encouraged me to wear makeup even if Ryujin told me I was shit at it. He was the one who told me I could join acapella even if I was too shy to be on stage, because he was too. He was the one who dressed up as Harry Potter characters with me when no one else wanted to. He was the one I went to when I wanted to talk about the things I loved most.
He was the one... He was the one all along.
“Oh my god. It’s always been Hyunjin. Oh my god.”
Chan set down a crappy sandwich in front of me, but I was on a mission.
“You figure it out?”
“Yes, yes I did! But what do I tell Ryujin?”
Chan scoffed. “What do you tell Ryujin? She’s the one who cheated on him. And she’s always been a crappy friend to you.” I frowned. Ryujin wasn’t the best friend, but she was my best friend...
“If she’s truly your best friend, she’ll forgive you for this. So go, go get your manz.” I cringed at his language. He was not as young as he thought.
Then, I realized something.
I looked at Chan who was just sitting on the couch, cheering me on.
“Oh my god, you’re a side character in my story.”
The made him pause before he took a bit. “Uh, ok? Aren’t we all each other’s side characters? The protag will always be ourselves, dork. Now go!”
I ran out the door and checked my phone. Those can be dealt with later. Or right now. I’m not sure. Maybe at the same time.
I jumped in my car and called Ryujin and put her on speaker.
“Hello? Y/n?? Where have you been, I texted you like 20 minutes ago! I said SOS!”
“Am I your best friend?”
“W-what? Where is this coming from? Yes, of course you are-”
“Then you’ll forgive me for anything right?”
She paused.
“Maybe. I’m not sure, you’ve never really done anything wrong.”
I gulped. You can’t back down now.
“Is everything ok, y/n?”
“I have something to tell you. And you’re going to hate me for it.”
“What?”
There was silence.
“What, y/n, seriously-”
“I have feelings for Hyunjin!” I shouted.
Dead silence. I could hear the few cars driving in my neighborhood and kids laughing outside. The silence was terrifying.
“You what?”
“I have feelings for Hyunjin. Your ex-boyfriend.”
I heard shuffling on the other side.
“Y-you can’t. He’s my ex-boyfriend. That’s breaking girl code, and I am not over him. What the hell, y/n?”
I felt tears fall from my eyes. This is not how I wanted this to go. But this is what I expected.
“I’m sorry. But my whole life, I have been living for you. Ever since I met you. And this time, I have to do things for myself. I’m sorry but I- I want to be selfish and I want to make mistakes that you’re gonna have to decide if you forgive me for.
I want to be the main character of my story right now.”
“Y/n, wait-”
I hung up the phone. I couldn’t let her get in the way of me living for me. Even if it was selfish and bitchy. I need to make mistakes to grow. And I haven’t made many ground breaking mistakes in the past, but this one feels pretty good.
I parked outside of Hyunjin’s house and ran up the steps.
Before I could knock on my door, it opened revealing a disheveled Hyunjin.
“You came.”
I was shocked at his sudden appearance, but nodded.
“I did, um, how did you get to the door so quickly?”
“I was waiting.” A cute blush danced across his face.
How have I not seen him before? For how I truly feel about him?
For a minute, we didn’t know what to say.
“I-”
“I-”
We laughed.
“You first,” he said.
I cleared my throat.
“Hyunjin, um, I’m not very good at speeches to declare my feelings. Most likely because I’ve suppressed them over the years and haven’t shown them to anybody.
I’m dumb and stupid and now I’m selfish because I don’t care what anyone thinks right now because I realized that I am falling in love with you.”
His eyes grew to the size of his hand at my words.
“What?”
I laughed nervously.
“Um, I was .. I was talking to my brother. And I just realized that every moment in my life that I was insecure or unsure of something, you helped me through it. And when I just wanted to talk about something nerdy like a book or a poem that made me cry, I wanted to talk to you.
It really has been you all along.” I whispered the last sentence, but I knew he heard it.
He took my hands and wrapped them around his waist.
“I’m falling in love with you too. I think I always have been a little, which sounds fucking up since I dated Ryujin. But I think we both knew we weren’t right for each other.”
I nodded, feeling safe in his embrace.
Then, I felt him hold my face and bent down to kiss me. His lips were soft and it felt like he was hesitant. Before I lost the courage, I pulled him closer. I could feel his smile across my lips.
He made my heart flutter like I was reading a cute romance novel.
Except I was in the romance novel now.
And I was the protagonist.
#stray kids scenarios#stray kids#hyunjin#hwang hyunjin#stray kids imagines#hyunjin imagines#hyunjin scenarios#skz#skz scenarios#skz imagines#hwang hyunjin scenarios#hwang hyunjin imagines#wow i havent written a piece this long in ... so long lol#this has been really therapeutic for me#but dont get used to it#lol#i truly believe once u dont care about who reads ur stuff or how many ppl read it#writing just comes to effortlessly#and it feels so relaxing .. like this is my world i am creating#i might private this later as well
163 notes
·
View notes
Text
while you’re at it (m) || pjm
pairing; poolboy!jimin x noona!reader.
genre; smut, fluff, tiny angst.
summary; After finalizing your divorce papers, there was still one thing that had to be taken care of. That stupid swimming pool. Over there course of a few days, you ended up harboring feelings for one of your pool boys. Will things go as planned? Or will everything be flushed down the drain?
warnings; brief mentions of divorce, infidelity and toxic relationship, sub!jimin, dom!reader, barely there bondage, exhibitionism, female masturbation, voyeurism, oral sex (both receiving), body worship, tit fucking, noona kink, praise kink(its jimin ofc), mild degradation, impreg kink, its basically jimin being a whiny soft baby for noona, unprotected sex, multiple orgasm, creampies, cum eating
word count; 11K+ (this was supposed to be around 7-8K only, iduno what happened really)
a/n; ahhhhhh! three minutes late but who careeees. im done, i want to sleep. the smut feels so rushed butill fix it... eventually... lmao, unedited as hell, dont mind the errors... will fix someday. bye
@m0chilattae @ruinedbyjin <33
。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°
Breaking away and cutting ties from your previous and definitely toxic marriage was the best decision you've made bar none. You could no longer stomach the abuse that your now ex-husband had put you through. It was a complete and utter living hell being bound to a man who wasn't who you initially thought he was. Having him crossed out of your life (legally, too) made it a million times easier.
It has been exactly seven weeks since you chucked out all of his belongings through the front door. No regrets. And you still didn't want to take notice of the huge elephant in the room — or in the backyard per se.
There it sat in the middle of the unkempt grassy area surrounded by leaves and trash, in all of its filthy, disgusting, bacteria and algae infested glory.
Your dreaded swimming pool.
You had put-off cleaning it the first week after your separation, saying you're too busy doing this or too preoccupied taking care of that. When in all honesty, you just didn't want to deal with it. You had no goddamn idea how to maintain it. Heck, you didn't even know how to swim.
Wonwoo was the main reason why the two of you bought a house that came with it after your wedding. He said he wanted to keep his hobby of swimming alive, understandable since that's where it all began.
The two of you met at a university swim meet. You were the designated journalist for that event, assigned to interview all the winners after the competition for the school's paper. Wonwoo bagged the gold medal for the two hundred-meter freestyle, and you interviewed interviewed him and that's where it took off.
Everything was running smoothly. One by one every item on your life's checklist got checked-off. After five years of dating, he proposed. A year later you got married and purchased a house together and planned on having children. You even put-off your job as a columnist writer for a high-end magazine company to play out the role of a perfect wife who'd soon take care of her children.
You had the ideal life with the ideal husband in an ideal house that any married woman could wish for. You had everything, and in your own little world it was perfect.
Until two years into your marriage, everything went into turmoil. Wonwoo suddenly grew cold and insensitive. He didn't answer your calls and text messages whenever he was away. He didn't make love to you the way he used to during your honeymoon phase. And sometimes he would just downright refuse, saying he's too tired and that he wants to sleep instead. You endured and tolerated his behavior for another year, giving him a chance to change his ways.
But we all know what happens to second chances, they're wasted. One day, Jihyo sent you a picture of Wonwoo sucking faces with a female swim trainer at the city's public pool.
You could not believe it at first, you refused to. Until she sent another image, this one clear as day. It was Wonwoo, positively Wonwoo.
You called your older brother Yoongi and told him everything that had happened starting from the day your relationship spiraled into disaster. Like any brother would be; he was furious. He didn't kill the guy though, only gave him a black eye and a broken nose before you threw his belongings out on the pavement.
To cut the story short, you found love beside a swimming pool and ultimately gotten your heart broken because of it. When people fall out of love, heart breaks are inevitable. All the more reason as to why you just shoved the idea of cleaning the pool under the rug like small particles of dust and dirt. You just wanted to forget about it, pretend like it didn't exist. If you could only haul that thing out of the ground and throw it out like you did to him, it'd be more painless for you.
You took your phone out of your handbag and texted Namjoon. You asked if he still had the number to that all around cleaning service, to which he did, thank god. After saving the number, you called it immediately. Wanting no time to be wasted.
"Hello, Good morning! This is Mr. Park of Mr. Park's Cleaning Service, how can we help you?" The bubbly old man chanted his spiel.
"Ah, yes, um. This is Y/n Y/l/n, I was wondering if I can avail your services?"
"Of course, ma'am!" He chimed, the sound of rustling papers can be heard in the background "What will we have the pleasure of cleaning for you, Ms. Y/l/n?" His tone never changed, still enthusiastic.
"Well I have this pool..." You replied quite hesitantly, "And It's been sitting here uncleaned for almost two months." You let out a breathy laugh, fairly embarrassed at your confession.
"No problem, Ms. Y/l/n! We've handled worse cases. Two months is nothing! Is it just the pool or would you like us to give your whole yard a fixer-upper?"
You sighed in relief. "Y-yes, that would be great! My backyard could use the help, too."
"Alrighty then! You don't need to worry about anything! Can I get your contact number and full address Ms. Y/l/n?" Mr. Park sounded like a charming old man, he never judged or asked unnecessary questions, only the ones that needed to be answered.
"My number's xxx-xxx-xx and my full address is xxx street, corner xxx at xxx village. When can I expect you to visit, Mr. Park?"
"I'll get the boys ready and will be there in about an hour or two to check on the conditions and come up with the most effective strategy. The duration of the process usually takes about three days to a week depending on the situation. It's always better to asses the area first. We'll do the best we can do, Ms. Y/l/n!" You can hear the smile in his voice, never have you encountered someone who's this passionate about his job as much as Mr. Park.
"Great! That sounds excellent! Thank you so much Mr. Park! I'll see you later!"
"Thank you, too, Ms. Y/l/n! Good bye!"
The call ended and you checked the clock. It was a quarter to nine, still a lot of time left before they arrive. You decided to tidy up the place, picking up dirty laundry, washing the dishes, and anything that demanded to be put in its proper place.
You accomplished everything in under an hour and decided to lounge around on your couch, still in your black silk nightwear dress that rested a good five inches above your knee. To be fair, you did wake up too early for your liking, and it made you thrice as sluggish than usual. 'Only ten minutes' you reminded yourself because you still needed to shower. Your eyelids felt heavy and the softness of the pillow you were resting your head on didn't help either. 'five more minutes, then it's time to shower, I swear.' Things didn't always go according to plan, of course. You fell asleep.
++
Your little nap was interrupted by the sound of your doorbell ringing multiple times, "Ms. Y/l/n?! Is anybody home? This is Mr.Park's Cleaning Service." The man on the other side of the door yelled.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
You scramble about you couch only to fall on the floor with a loud thud, "W-wait! Just a minute!" You squealed, heading out to the nearest bathroom to grab your bathrobe and wrap it around your frame. You chugged down and gargled a cup full of mouthwash before spitting it out.
"Shit..." You hissed, taming out the fly-aways of your hair and tying it up in a loose bun. Your bangs rested messily on your forehead but you didn't have the pleasure of curling it. So you opted for just sweeping it to the side, making yourself more presentable.
"I'm coming!" You yelped, treading to your front door and opening it.
The three boys who stood at your doorstep gave you a courteous ninety degree bow. They were wearing those baggy grey work jumpsuits but the sleeveless kind. The boys looked fairly young, with glowing skin and youthful dispositions.
They moved back to their upright position and the one in the center greeted,
"Good day Ms.---" his eyes widened like saucers, he looked like he had encountered a ghost, and suddenly you were extremely conscious about your disheveled appearance, tucking in stray hairs that dangled around the frame of your face behind your ears.
"Ms--" he knew what he wanted to say, it was waiting for its turn to spill out from his suddenly parched mouth. But he couldn't because he was too awe struck at the image of this lovely woman standing before him. They'd done this job a couple hundred times and it was all professional, but this was the first time his heart was completely enamored by a female client. His tongue was undoubtedly caught at the back of his throat and an elbow to his rib by his friend snapped him out of it and transferred him back to reality.
"Y/l/n.." He continued, shades of pink trickling his face. "My name is Park Jimin..."
"You're Mr. Park?" You giggled, the way your cheeks rounded when you smile matched with your cute dimple almost sent him into the ER due to a cardiac arrest, "You sounded older on the phone."
"Uh.. That was my father. I'm just Jimin." He smiled, flustered like a little boy confessing his love for his crush.
You beamed at him once more after discovering his name, eyes twinkling more that ever and he caught that. He freaking caught the way your eyes glimmered at him. "If you're just Jimin, then I'm just Y/n." What the hell was that?! You internally screamed at your choice of words, pulling out the non-existent life plug in your head because you wanted to shrivel up like a dehydrated grape desiring to be a raisin and just die.
"O-okay, Ms. Y/n.." the way your name rolled so sweetly out of his lips made you shudder, a feeling you hadn't felt in a long, long time spark a flame in the deepest pit of your stomach. You shouldn't be experiencing this urgent sense of infatuation towards a person you only just met, not to mention to someone this young. You reckoned that he was likely five or six years your junior, probably even more. It was a weird sensation. You had no idea where it came from but you were kinda skeptical about the concept of it and where it might lead. Did you hate it? I mean, no, not at all. Were you confused? Most definitely.
"This is Jungkook," he gestured to the lad on his left. Jet-black hair, doe eyes, piercings and tattoos, okaaay he's attractive "and this is Taehyung." Your gaze moved to the left, honey brown hair, sultry stare, sharp nose and a chiseled jaw, woah he's attractive too. No wonder Mr. Park's acquiring all the deals in town! His cleaning team is total eye candy. "My dad-- I mean Mr. Park's rheumatoid started acting up a little while ago, that's why he wasn't able to come with us. I hope that's alright with you, Ms. Y/n."
There it is again, he said your name again but his voice a little softer this time. He was hoping his father's absence wouldn’t upset you too much. And didn't leave a bad first impression on you.
Your name slipping past his lips sent another shock wave throughout your body, faintly stirring up your insides. It took you a good second to reply because you were too busy staring at the way his tongue prodded out of mouth to wet his pink and plump lips. Shit “I-it’s fine..” You gulped, drifting your gaze to your backyard assuming he didn’t see what you just did. “I hope your father feels well soon.” You stepped back a few feet letting the boys with their big tool kits in hand enter.
“May we look at the pool, Ms. Y/l/n?” The black haired boy spoke, opening his box of tools and pulling out a smaller black container. “Taehyung and I will do the water testing and everything else while Jimin-hyung here will walk you through the whole process.”
“The sooner we start, the sooner we’ll finish!” Taehyung beamed, boxy smile and all.
They all did what they said they’d do. Jungkook and Taehyung were handling all sorts of gadgets and gizmo to test the pH balance, chlorine levels and whatever they need to test. Jimin explained everything in meticulous detail, from the tools that they were using to how they’d clean it. You tried listening intently. You really did! But the addictive saccharine tone of his voice had gotten you too worked up.
“And that’s about it,” Jimin happily concluded. “We can start cleaning tomorrow if it’s okay with you,”
“Y/n?” He asked reluctantly, watching you stare vacuously at him.
“Ah-- Yes. You guys can start tomorrow.” You smiled, flustered and red on the face.
He was worried for a moment, he thought you found everything he said was boring. Because all honestly, he knew it was.
Jimin dropped out of college to support his father with their family business, being the sole son and successor. It was a gamble, most of his friends would say. "Why'd you give up having an education?" or "What if it goes bankrupt?". Those words were frequently thrown around, but he stuck to his gut. Jimin never wanted anything more than maintaining his father's legacy alive. The one that his father and late-mother created and grew from the ground up.
"Great! Kook, Tae, how's everything going?" He hollered to his friends who were still tinkering with their devices at the edge of the pool.
"Will be done soon! Give us a minute," Taehyung replied, signaling a thumbs-up to his hyung.
"Ahhh! That reminds me," You teetered blithely straight to your equally neglected shed that Wonwoo kept all his tools in. "If you need any tools, feel free to--" You tried to pry the door handle open but it wouldn't budge.
"Let me get that for you, Ms. Y/n." Jimin insisted, worrying you might hurt yourself.
"I'm okay," You assured the boy, solidifying your grip on the handle, and giving one last firm pull that just might do the trick.
Jimin was right. Because the moment you exerted more effort into opening the door, the slim strip of metal that was affixed on the wooden surface snapped off and sent you stumbling back a few steps.
You shielded your eyes with your hand and just when you thought your sorry ass was about to hit the grass, you felt something or someone, cradle your fall.
A small groan from behind startled you, "W-what?" You removed your hands from your face and saw Jimin lying beneath you, hold on to you by your waist."Oh shit!" You shrieked, promptly scooting away from his lap to check if he's hurt somewhere.
"J-jimin! Are you okay?!" concern laced your voice. You scanned every inch of his body for any cuts or bruises.
While your face unintentionally came too close to his, he felt your warm minty breath dancing on the tip of his cupid's bow, tickling his lips that were mere centimeters away from yours. And the way his left cheek was conveniently purchased in your hand made him feel the heat blossom under his skin, and presumably creep up to his ears too.
Wide-eyed and totally red in the face, Jimin hurriedly stood up from where he was planted, not forgetting to help you as well stand up as well.
“I’m fine, Ms. Y/n. You don’t have to worry about--”
Before the boy could barely finish his sentence, you were already pulling him by the wrist and ushering him back inside the house. He was trying so hard to resist the blush that had been wanting to be set free.
“Jungkook, Taehyung!” You waved, calling out their attention. “You can come inside if you’re finished. I’ll tend to Jimin and see if he has any injuries.”
“Yes ma’am!” The two boys chuckled, giving Jimin a playful smirk.
“Sit down. I’ll go get my first aid kit.” You spoke before scooting towards the direction of your bathroom. The moment you’ve found yourself looking in the mirror in what seems to be the safest place you could’ve been at this moment, you allow all the accumulated steam out.
“F-fuck.” You breathe out a sigh of relief. Finally being able to inhale and exhale enough air with your lungs. Every single moment with Jimin feels like there’s something constricting your chest, blocking all possible airways and cutting off the oxygen in your body. “Get it together, Y/n” You scold yourself, looking at the reflection in the bathroom mirror “You are an adult. An adult who will not let a young man fracture the little sanity you have left.”
On your tiptoes, you reached for the small plastic box on the shelf of your bathroom, taking one last determined look in the mirror and declaring, “You got this.” With that, you step out of the enclosed space with your recovered confidence, not looking back.
And there he is again, puppy dog eyes lighting up when he saw your figure reappear in his line of vision. “Ms. Y/n.” He smiled, and there you knew how truly fucked up you were.
“God, give please give me the strength.” You chanted in your head, “I got the first aid kit. Let’s get you cleaned up.” Was all that you could say.
++
It has been exactly five days, eight hours and forty-five minutes since Jimin started working on your backyard. Why do you know that? Well, that boy with those galaxies induced eyes, impossible plump lips and unbelievable muscular body had been lurking and finding his way through the deep recesses of your mind, desperately searching for that imaginary finish line.
Every cell in your body was hyper-aware of your surroundings whenever he was near. You’d get chills when you feel his hot breath fanning against the skin of your nape when he’s behind you asking for some kind of permission. A jolt would run down your spine when he says your name like it’s the only name he’d known besides his. And the way an innocent stare from him would ignite a flame in your core, burning like coal inside a furnace during those cold winter nights. You know of his presence; you know how he makes you feel even when you don’t want it and that scares you.
And now you’re here with your overly eager friend who's ready to lay down all her life savings and then some, just to see you finally get laid after that hideous tragedy.
“Gosh, what do I do?” You groaned, massaging your temples. The headache that you experienced the first time you encountered the boy only tripled in magnitude. It was like the soft tissues of your brain decided that it would be best to act like tectonic plates and tear each other apart. No matter how many pain killers you’ve ingested or how early you slept at night, it always comes back the next day, with a vengeance.
“Give in,” she shrugged, taking a sip from her warm cup of tea. “you’ve got nothing to lose.”
“The only thing I’m losing right now is my sanity.” You grovelled, wanting to pull out all of your hair from its follicles. “I–” You sighed, voice cracking and tear attempting to fall.“I honestly don’t know what to do.”
She offered you a sympathetic look, consoling you with a hand gently stroking your back. “I know, hun. Wonwoo was a douche bag and your divorce was the absolute worst. But… Look at the bright side,” She nudged you on the shoulder and points a finger westward.
“Now that he’s out of the picture, you’re a free woman now, y/n.” Your friend stated as-a-matter-of-fact, wriggling her perfectly done brows at you. She was right, though. There was nothing holding you back except yourself. The two of you looked beyond the glass sliding doors of your patio and watched the group of young men pull every bone and flex every inch of muscles in their bodies trying to make your backyard look like the way it was before.
“I don’t see anything wrong with flirting with your pool boy now that the ring on you finger is gone,” a small tug of her lips went unseen by you as your gaze was still attached to the blond haired boy whose dusting of sweat seemed to reflect and shimmer under the blazing sunlight like those vampire characters from that teen movie. God, how can someone look that ethereal while raking up the pile leaves in your backyard?
“While you’re at it, seeing that you’re too invested in watching him, play with piles of dead leaves,” your head snapped toward her direction as your cheeks turned pink from embarrassment, “might as well fuck him too.” she grins from ear to ear.
++
Day eight came faster than you had imagined. The boiling of your insides has simmered down immensely since you've accepted all your feelings like the grown adult that you are. You didn't confess, though, there will be a time for that. Also, you can say you've gotten used to Jimin's presence in the short time you've spent with him. He was kind, sweet, caring and considerate to you 24/7 and you've considered every bit of it endearing. You friend was right. "Give in," she says, so you did and you hope everything will eventually fall into place at the right time.
Like usual, jimin and his bunch were outside. They were eighty percent done with the pool and all that's left was the landscaping.
One by one, bags of dirt, rocks, sand and all the likes were carried by unfamiliar faces to the back yard through your house. Trails of sand were left on the floor akin to a snail's.
"We're really sorry for the mess, miss y/n. Don't worry, we'll clean it up." A new face stood beside Jimin. This one looked more mature than the three boys you're already acquainted with. This was your first time seeing him. Raven hair, brown eyes, a attractive face and shoulders broader than the horizon. Wow. Mr. Park's boys just keep getting hotter and hotter. But there's something oddly familiar about him. Maybe you've met him before? Casually crossed paths as strangers? You can't quite wrap a finger around it.
"Y/n, this is Jin-hyung." The fair-haired boy stated. "He's Jungkook's older brother."
You gasp, finally it connects "R-really?! No wonder you looked familiar!"
You heard the boisterous laugh of the younger brother draw closer and then draped an arm around his brother's shoulder. You habitually thought Jungkook was the tallest in the bunch but now that you've seen his older brother and the way he stands a good two or three inches taller says otherwise. "Sooo, who's more good looking, Noona?" Jungkook asked cheerfully, arching his brows as if coaxing you to choose him.
"Hmmm..." You hummed dramatically, crossing your arms with one hand cupping your chin. "I really can't say, Jungkook. Your hyung's pretty handsome." You teased.
"Nooooona~!" The youngest whined, flailing his arms around like a child. If you hadn't known their ages, you'd assume that Jungkook's an eighteen year old boy with a baby's face attached to an adult man's body.
+Flashback+
You learned that over the course of yesterday's dinner. That day marked the seventh day since the boys worked on you backyard. You decided to treat them to a special samgyupsal dinner since they had been working so hard all day and all afternoon.
It was a quarter to five, and the boys were about to call it a day when you call them over enthusiastically. Gesturing them to come inside "Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook!"
Their mouths hung wide open when their eyes met with the dining table. A dazzling array of meats, soups, vegetables and side dishes were gloriously scattered on the surface.
"Wow, Ms. Y/n!" Taehyung beamed, his boxy smile seemed like it was engraved on his face. "What's the occasion?”
"Well, since you boys have been working so hard I decided to arrange a little party for you guys. It's the least I can do." You smile.
Taehyung and Jungkook looked like they were about to combust. The fragrance of the food delighted their every senses. You hear a faint growl in the background. "Sorry. That was me." Jungkook confessed, his stomach was now hungrier than before. You all laugh.
"What are you waiting for? Dig in!"
It was like a gun was shot and the race to eat the most food began. You watched them eat heartily, wishing that you had done this sooner to express your gratitude for all the effort the exert.
"Aren't you gonna eat, y/n?"
You were startled by Jimin voice. You turn to him and receive the look of concern on his face.
"I've had my fair share while cooking, if I eat more I feel like I'll throw up." You softly giggled, a shade of pink dusting your cheeks. "And this is all for you."
For every little thing he does whether it was deliberately or not, Jimin feels like he's simply digging his own grave. The sound of metal rutting against soil, just a few more digs and he's sure he'll be six feet under.
"Ms. Y/n, Ms. Y/n!" Jungkook called, outstretching his hand like a student asking for his teacher's attention.
"Yes, Jungkook? Oh, and you can call me y/n, by the way. No need for 'miss'."
Jungkook scratched the back of his neck before answering, "Uhm, I dont think I'm in the position to call you that, ms. Y/n "
"What about noona?" Taehyung who sits across Jungkook suggested. "Ms. Y/n really been nice to us, like a big sister. Always making sure we're okay."
Sister.
You practically forgot about your age gap with these kids. With the five-year difference for Jimin and Taehyung, seven for Jungkook, you really felt like an older sister. It wasn't bad, it was lovely actually. Knowing they see you more than just an ordinary client pinched at your heart. And you perceive them as little brother's you never had. One of them, you wished went beyond that.
"Yeah!" The black haired boy exclaimed,"Can we call you noona, ms. y/n???" Jungkook looked like a dog, with his eyes all round and tail raised and wagging about. It must feel so great to be young.
"Of-- Of course! You can call me noona!"
The two boys cheered in unison. The only one quiet was jimin who sat parallel to you.
"Are you okay jimin?" You asked meekly.
"I'm fine." He didn't sound like he was fine.
"Is there something wrong?"
"Ahh, I--" he was stuttering, "Is it okay if I call you y/n instead?"
Your eyes widened, you haven't even drank anything alcohol but your face already feels hotter.
"S-sure, Jimin." You tried to change the topic by standing up walking over to the refrigerator.
"Since all of you are of legal age." You gradually push open metal door and pull out bottles of soju.
"You're the best, noona!" The youngest howled, eager to get his hands on the alcoholic drink.
"Just promise me you guys won't drink too much. You still have work tomorrow"
Like twins, Jungkook and Taehyung held their hands over their heart and recited, "We promise, noona!"
With the magic liquid, conversation started flowing more naturally. You promised not to drink but they insisted, nothing worse than your friends peer-pressuring you.
"So, noona, where do you work?" Taehyung questioned. He probably noticed you were always at home.
"I'm a writer for Seoul Life Magazine, but I do all my work here at home. I rarely have to go to the office."
"Really???!!!" His eyes blew up, Taehyung told you he was a fashion design graduate. You expected this reaction from him so you felt pride in telling him where you work.
"Wow, noona!" Jungkook said, "My dad said only those who were absolutely good got to work there."
"Stop flattering me," You shyly dismiss his praise. "I was an intern there during my concluding year of college. I worked for about three or four years before I got married."
Taehyung did a spit take, spraying water all over poor Jungkook who almost choked on a lettuce leaf. Jimin just sat there, watching you laugh at the two comical boys. He didn't know how to react, his hands suddenly went clammy and he couldn't stop shaking his leg under the table.
"M-married?" Jungkook said, still not believing what he's hearing "w-where the h-husband?" He felt out of breath due to that damn piece of leaf.
"Are you really married, noona?" Taehyung poked, looking at your ringless finger.
"I was," Your smile grew weaker, talking about something it always felt weighty. But they deserved to know, they're helping you heal by dealing with something you'd rather not face. "We got divorced."
The room went silent. The sound of the crickets outside and leaves swaying with the wind that were previous white noise behind your chattering and laughter seemed like the were obscenely amplified by huge bass speakers.
"Can I ask why, noo--"
"Jungkook!" Jimin scolded his junior, and this was the first time you've heard/seen him raise his voice to anyone. "Apologize." He stated sternly, not breaking eye contact with Jungkook.
"I'm sorry, noona." His head hung low, hair covering his eyes.
"J-jimin, I'm sure Jungkook didn't meant to." You reached out to to hold his hand that was resting on the table. "I'm not mad or upset."
You looked over Jungkook's direction and continued, "It's okay, I promise."
Jimin squeezed your hand tighter, comforting you. "You don't have to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable, y/n."
"Y-yeah, noona." Taehyung added, "You don't have to. It's none of our business."
Jungkook sat still, eyes glassy and mouth pouty. He absolutely looked like a puppy that had been punished for chewing up its human's shoe.
"It's alright," You giggle, extremely touched. "It's been months, I can talk about it."
"We met during sophomore year. I was a journalist for the university paper and he was on the swim team."
The three boys listened intently, like toddlers during story time.
"After five years of dating, he proposed. We got married a year later and moved in here. That," you pointed to the pool outside "belongs to him."
"It was his idea to get a house with one, I agreed of course. Only two years after getting married, I found out he was cheating on me."
Jimin's features softened at your words. He knows it wasn't easy for anyone to talk about their past heartbreak and traumas. He made sure you weren't alone, he took his free hand and placed it over your hand that he was already holding with the other. He held it tight.
"It broke my heart, I really thought he was the one, you know? Almost eight years together thrown in the garbage disposal and shredded to pieces."
"He doesn't deserve you, noona." Jungkook finally spoke. "He was an asshole and he doesnt deserve you."
"Yeah!" Taehyung agreed, "I kinda don't want to finish the work now."
Out of nowhere, you burst out laughing. An invisible weight, sort of a thick blanket was lifted and the atmosphere brightened.
"No, no, no!" You can't stop your laughter at this point, what Taehyung said tickled a funny bone. "I still plan on living here, Taehyung! Even if I dislike the pool, it's still part of this home. And the make over was sort of a therapy, you know. Out with the old, in with the new, right?" You ended it with a smile, lips curved beautifully. It was a smile Jimin has seen never seen before. It was light and airy, bright and transparent. There was no pain or distress, just carefreeness. He wished you would smile like this more often, and he also wished he'd someday be the reason for it.
++
"Just kidding, Jungkook! You're the most handsome." You assured the boy, patting his back. "Sorry, Jin. Your brother's grown on me."
"Kook one, Jin zero." The youngest boast over to his brother.
"Alright, alright!" Jin interrupted, "Unlike you, some of us need to work. How 'bout you and Taehyung get the transport van back to the office and let Jimin, Hoseok, Yugyeom and I get things done, yeah?"
Jungkook clicked his tongue, "Whatever."
Their sibling banter has got you missing your brother, mentally reminding yourself to call him later.
"Hey, Yugs." You hear Jungkook faintly speak.
Two more new faces stood beside Jin. "This is Hoseok and Yugyeom. We'll be responsible for landscaping." Another attractive guy with a million-dollar smile on his face and a tall man with the physique of a runway model. Curse, Mr. Park!! Where does he get all these boys?!
"Thank you for having us!" The pair recited.
"Oh, no! Thank you for helping out with the renovation."
"Ms. Y/n, The boys and I will be outside. We'll be mapping out a plan for the design," Jin announced.
"Oh, sure." You answer back, "Take all the time that you need."
"Great! We'll report to you once we've finished the draft design. So you can the necessary make changes and adjustments." He beamed, walking towards the back yard.
Jimin stood silently beside you, "You do landscaping?" You randomly asked, seeing that Jimin was the only one left from their bunch. Jungkook and Taehyung had long gone.
"No," he chuckled, "I just need to watch over these guys. Make sure everything goes well."
"That's nice, you're very involved with the work you do."
His cheeks blossomed pink, he didn't expect a compliment since he was just doing his job. "I try." He shyly replied, bowing then heading for the glass door. "If you need me, I'll be outside."
You waved him goodbye and went about your own business. There were still some articles in your workload that needed to be finished and those emails weren't gonna answer themselves.
++
By the time you were done, it was half past two in the afternoon. You noticed as the days progressed, so did the temperature. You check your phone, only to see that today is the hottest reading yet.
Since everything has been taken care of, you decided to take a shower. Appreciating the cold refreshing water on you warm skin. After that, you put on your favorite robe and wrapped it around your damp body. As you were about to step out of the bathroom, you noticed Jimin leaning against one of the pillars of your patio, shirtless.
Have your eyes been deceived? They say that seeing believes, but you didn't expect Jimin to be this fit. You offered yourself some slack, since the only part of Jimin body's you've oh so graciously seen are his muscular arms. It wasn't as big as those of a body builder, but the amount of muscle in them has already got you mouth watering. But being blessed with the site of his bare skin and taut abdominal muscles has got you feeling wetter than being in the shower.
You couldn't keep your gaze off of him. It was an image that you want to engrave at the back of your head. Your eyes roamed his entire body. Face, neck, shoulders, chest and abs. You wanted to memorize every detail. Every mole, every freckle, every scar that adorned his ivory skin.
Just as you were taking your time scanning his entire figure, you were startled when you saw him looking at you staring at him.
Your heart began to race inside your chest and you almost forgot you were standing in the middle of your house with only a robe covering your very naked body.
You scanned around the area of the yard and Jin and the others we're not in plain sight. You assumed they were working on the farthest side of the lot, where your small garden used to be before you abandoned it all together with the pool.
You lock eyes with Jimin again, but this time there was something odd at the way he ogles at you. His gaze was lustful and burning with flames devouring your entirety. His were pupils blown out at the display of your skin. He looked pained, his teeth biting harshly at his bottom lip as if he wanted to draw blood.
At that point it dawned on you. You know why he seemed so agitated, squirming in his seat. He wanted to see more, see more of you.
A wave of unknown confidence washed over you. You didn't know where the hell it came from. Maybe it was from his deadly stare, maybe it was just you. Either way, you were so totally taking advantage of it.
Without breaking eye contact, you found purchase at the same seat from which you watched the boys worked while having a chat with your friend. Sensually lifting the hem of your robe up your thighs and spreading your legs open for Jimin to see.
"F-fuck," He groaned, hands balling into fists. He glimpsed over to the other men who were still occupied with what they were accomplishing. His attention was back on you, giving you a small nod.
The fervor that coursed through your body was incomparable to anything you've experienced before. The Adrenaline was starting to kick in, and you felt hot-blooded. You temperature went up ten degrees higher and you felt delirious. You knew there was a possibility that you were gonna get caught, but screw it. You've never felt like this in your whole twenty-nine year of life. You're gonna enjoy it, basked in it.
Jimin's eyes were plastered at your dripping core, lump in his throat and completely mesmerized at its beauty. Your juices sinfully coating you slit. He swore if there wasn't anybody else around, he would have ravished you pussy like an animal. Since you're out here giving him a show that he'll never forget, might as well savour it.
He thought things couldn't get any better with you sex on display for him, you open up your legs even more in a whole new different angle. Putting all those gymnastics training to good use. He can virtually see your pink walls with the position your in. He couldn't stop imagining him burying his hard cock inside your tight cunt. Sucking him in when every thrust he made.
You left hand slithered its way down to your soaked core, playfully stroking your folds. If Jimin was beside you, he could no doubt hear the way your cream coated skin squelched with every motion you made. Your idle hand managed to loosen the knot of your robe, allowing it fall from your shoulders exposing your round, supple breasts. Nipples instantly hardening at the sudden exposure to the air. Shit, he'd kill just to have his lips around those perky little nipples, sucking on then voraciously until you moan out his name.
You could not take all this self-teasing anymore. Jimin's eyes gauges out of its socket as you dip a finger into your damp hole. Jimin thought the heat from the sun was bearable. He'd worked for long hours under it and never complain. But this, you fingering yourself with one hand while the other pulls and twists on your abused nipple was unbearable! The ache between his legs was excruciating he had to casually palm himself. Slightly shifting and bending this leg so that he wasn't noticeable.
Another finger goes in, and he's cupping himself harder. He observed your face contort with pleasure at the way you're plunging and curling your two fingers inside of you. Your arousal spilling at the edge of you battered hole, streaming down and accumulating just above your puckered hole. That should be him, he mumbled to himself. Your slender fingers wouldn't be able to satisfy you, unlike his throbbing cock caged inside his boxers, wanting to be set free. Jimin's practically squeezing his dick at this point now, he just wants nothing but to release his ropes cum on you breast while you pleasure yourself.
You felt your walls clench around your digits, signalling you that you were nearing climax. You gotta make this quick, Jin, Hoseok or Yugyeom can walk in on you anytime. Adding one last finger, hoping the stretch will help you jump over the edge, you pummeled your cunt with all the strength that you had left. A small moan left your lips and your release came squirting. Coating the marble floor beneath you. Jimim was just as wrecked as you were. His chest was heaving heavily up and down. The only difference was you reached climax, and he didn't, he couldn't. You were steadying you breathing just when you hear Jin yell, "Yo! Jimin! I need you to--" his voice was getting louder and closer.
Wide-eyed, you look at Jimin. Mouthing him "Do something!" While you pull yourself together and grab a piece of tissue to wipe your juices off the floor.
When you looked up, Jimim wasn't there anymore. He somehow managed to stop Jin from coming any closer to the house from how faintly you hear his voice outside.
You sighed and went back to your room.
“We’ve done everything we could do today, Ms. Y/n,” Jin happily announces, standing in front of you with his million dollar smile adorning his equally valued face. “We’ll continue everything tomorrow!”
“G-great!’ You croaked, substantially tilting your head to see what’s going on behind the tall man’s back. Hoping to catch a glimpse of Jimin.
“Ms. Y/n?” he waved his hand in your face, snapping you out of it. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” You barely reply. Before he could turn his back on you, you managed to pull on his sleeve. “W-where’s Jimin by the way?”
He looked surprised, pondering why you’re asking for the boy. “He went back first,” Jin witnessed your facial expression drop, “He said he wasn’t feeling too good.”
“O-oh,” you frowned once more, your browns knitting together at the center of your forehead. “Please tell him to get well soon.”
“Of course,” He bowed and bid farewell.
++
Tomorrow comes and Jimin was nowhere to be seen. Jin said Jimin was still feeling under the weather and took the whole day off from work. While that may seem plausible, it didn’t sit well in your gut. You felt like there was something off with Jimin. Never has he been absent since the first day he worked for you.
What is that little stunt you pulled off yesterday, you thought to yourself. Were you really that repulsive to the point that it had gotten him sick? Did you ruin your chances of having something more than just a short time fling with the most charming boy you’ve ever met? What if he never wanted to see you anymore, what would you do then. Those kinds of thoughts were inevitable, of course. It was all you could think of the entire day. So that night, you decided to send him a text message, the first one too.
From you:
Hi Jimin. Jin told me that you fell ill. Try not to over work yourself next time. I hope you get well soon. -yn
Jimin stared stupidly at the screen. Thinking of what to reply or if he should reply at all. Several words typed then deleted. He genuinely didn’t know what to say to you. He was ashamed of what he’s shown and with his lack of self-control. He felt appalled with himself. How could he disrespect you like that? You were a client. A client and worker relationship weren’t prohibited, not at all. It was just his work ethics that wanted everything to be strictly professional, he knew how important your role is to their business. The last thing he wanted was to tarnish what his father built from the ground up with a scandal. So he decided to not let his personal life get involved with his work life. It just makes things complicated, like it is right now. The ‘can’t go to work, feeling sick’ wasn’t wholly a lie. The pain wasn’t physical, it was abstract. And no medicine can induce the pain go away, until he saw your following message.
From you:
Also, I wanted to talk to you about something. It doesn’t have to be right away, you should rest first and get your health back up. Just message me whenever. Goodnight, Jimin.
There really was no way out, huh.
The next day comes and still no Jimin. That was when you confirmed it. You’ve completely and utterly ruined everything. He did not reply to your messages and didn't even want to see your face. It felt like the ground underneath you cracked opened and devoured you whole. That was the very first time in your life that you’ve acted so venturesomely, look what is has cost you. You blame yourself because there was no one else you could point a finger at. Things wouldn't end up the way they are now if you just stayed in your fucking lane. All of this was your fault.
You looked back at all the events that happened to you and realized, maybe it was inevitably your fault. Wonwoo wouldn’t have you left if he saw a reason not to. Jimin wouldn’t be ignoring you if he had a reason no to.
The course of the entire day was spent with you cooped up inside your room, wallowing away in your own self-pity. You politely told Jin that you needed some time to be alone and he can decide whatever is best for the landscaping.
It was around seven in the evening, Jin bid farewell and suggested that if you needed anything, you could call him up. That was extremely thoughtful of him, you think.
Another hour passed and the doorbell rings. You weren't expecting anyone though, so you were quite puzzled as to who it might be.
The front door open and you see Jimin. He was wearing a navy blue dress shirt that was folded up to his elbows, wow. Sleek black slacks for pants that cinched his slim waist and leather dress shoes to put everything together. What's the occasion, you thought.
"Oh, Jimin" you hid the nervous of your voice by pulling him into a hug "I-its good to see you again, what brings you here? Are you feeling better?"
"Ah, yes. I'm sorry for being absent these past few days." His head was hanging low and his eyes were looking elsewhere just to avoid yours. "I wanted to apologize." He finally looked at you with his brown orbs that were displaying sincerity. You ushered him to come inside and take a seat on your couch.
"Apologize?" You asked, a little bit perplexed "For what exactly?"
"For what I did," his voice grew feebler "I shouldn't have done what I did. I shouldn't have disrespected you like that. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you just because I felt the heat of that moment. I'm sorry, y/n. I swear I'm better than that."
"Oh, Jimin." You smiled tenderly, cupping his plump cheeks with your hand. "I think it's the other way around. I should be the one apologizing. Back then, I couldn't control myself when I should have. After seeing you, all the emotions I've put aside unexpectedly erupted." With your unoccupied hand, you tightly held his. "The truth is, you really have grown on me in all the best way possible. Initially, I thought it was just the backlash of my divorce egging me. I thought maybe my mind was looking for a rebound to dull the ache. But..." Your eyes started becoming glassy. You felt him clutch you hand tighten spurring you to continue "I think that's not it. I know it isn't. You've been nothing but a blessing to me, Jimin. An absolute angel. You're sweet, kind, caring, understanding, ugh--" You mocked frustratingly, letting out a small giggle. "You're perfect. I couldn't see anyone that wouldn't fall for you like I have."
Jimin's face reflected what he felt at that moment, relief. This wasn't what he was expecting, hence why he averted the confrontation as best as he could. You were the one who was perfect and completely out of his league. You were a beautiful and capable independent woman that any man would kill for. Your ex-husband was beyond stupid to play with your feelings like he did, he knows. But if it wasn't for your ex's stupidity, he wouldn't be here facing the only woman he'd want to be with for the rest of his life.
"I thought you wouldn't like me since I was older--."
"Stop." He interrupted, stroking his fingers through your locks while gazing at your gorgeous features. The staring contest ended with the both of you smacking lips, eager to taste what has been endured for so long. Impatient longing was evident in every kiss, lick, bite and tug. You kissed him so fervently that his back was digging against the backrest of the sofa. One of your legs seemed to have a mind of its own and positioned itself to straddle him.
"Are you sure you want me?" You queried the boy beneath you, your tone much mischievous from before, it was like there was a flipped switch somewhere. The noticeable change in the atmosphere has got him simply nodding, excited to know there was this side of you that he has not witnessed before.
He watched you as you steadily unravel your blouse's satin belt and started to gently caress his wrist. "Would you mind if I tie up these pretty hands of yours?" You hummed, pulling on his hand up to you face and sucking on his middle finger and ring finger. The sensation of your wet mouth around his digits caused his brain to send signals down there. He could already feel himself get rock hard inside his jeans, thinking about how tight your mouth would be if he shoved his dick down you throat. But he'll save that for another day because right now he just wants to let you do what you want to do with him. Right now, he is yours for the taking.
You urged him to lean a little closer to you. His face now between the valley of your breast as you meticulously tie his hands behind his back. You pushed him back to his previous position and inquired, "Do you want me to cover your eyes as well?"
He shook his head in protest and said, "N-no. I want to see you." There was a pause as he manages to catch his breath, "I-I wanna see you while you make me feel good."
You nodded, brushing his hair out of his sweat slicked forehead. From his head, your hand slid lazily down to his neck, to his chest, to his stomach and finally to the growing bulge inside his pants. You palm him unhurriedly, taking your time. Tracing your fingertips over the curve of his caged penis. "Y-y/n.." Jimin griped, observing your hand press against his erection. Somehow enduring the excruciating pain, your teasing had sown.
"Can I ask you one last favor?" You purred, peppering his neck with kisses and sucking purple bruises here and there.
"W-what is it?" he managed to reply, reveling in the way your teeth nipped against his delicate skin.
"Call me noona,"
Jimin was silent, somewhat waiting for an explanation. When you told him the first time, he met you that he can call you by your first made him feel special because only he could do that. The other workers call you 'Miss' and Jungkook and Taehyung declared you as 'our noona'.
"N-noona-" Jimin whined, bucking his hips harder against you hand. He saw your pupils dilate as the word escaped your lips, inflaming something inside you.
"Jimin," you growled, squeezing his around his girth ferociously. Buttons were unfastened one after the other, exposing his refined chest and taut muscles. Out of nowhere, you felt raunchy. The tips of your fingernail slowly dragged themselves across his torso, leaving streaks of red in its track. He flung his head back, enjoying the sting that danced on his skin.
Jimin squirmed as he felt your weight suddenly leave his lap. His neck snapped back to your direction and damn, what a sight to see. You tucked between his legs and unzipping his pants exposing his angry red-tipped cock oozing out beads of pre-cum. He smirked as he saw you involuntary lick your lips. "You like what you see, noona?"
"God, yes." You exhaled, wrapping both your hands around his shaft not because you wanted to, but because it was necessary. Your tiny, little hand could barely encompass his circumference. "Noona's gonna me you feel good, baby." You felt Jimin's dick twitch by the given pet name.
"Noona," he groaned, thrusting his member in your grip just to feel any sort of friction.
Sensually, you undid your bloused and hurled it somewhere on the floor followed by your bra, exposing your bare chest to the boy.
Jimin jerked in his seat, wanting to grab and knead you breast with his own hands. It looked even better up close. The skin smooth and flawless, nipples pert and hard due to the frosty air. "Fuck" he hissed through his teeth, if he could get his mouth on those buds he'd suck them dry and pull it between his teeth making you cry out.
"Behave." You scolded him, eyes staring daggers.
He stayed in place once again, not wanting to vex you in any way.
You ran the flat of you tongue on the underside of his length, feeling his skin pulse at contact. Salaciously making your way to its head, you began circling his narrow slit with the tip of your tongue. Feeble moans were the only things escaping his pretty mouth. You seized this moment to swallow him whole down to the hilt, fighting your gag reflex. Your mouth has never felt this stuffed as you moan in satisfaction. Jimin felt the vibration of your throat around his cock, tightening around it. You languidly started bobbing your head up and down, bottoming out with every stroke. With a lewd pop, you tried pulling your mouth off his cock. Strings of saliva dribbled from your lips connecting to his tip. You push yourself up slight and proceeded painting your nipples with the concoction of you saliva and his pre-cum that was coating the tip of his penis.
"How does this feel?" You cooed, sandwiching his hard member between your two breasts, erotically pumping the tender flesh up and down his length.
"So so gooood, noona" Jimin wheezed blissfully. The sensation of his cock wholly enveloped by your soft mounds is inclining him over the edge. "Noona," he wailed shutting his eyes, the urgency of wanting to release washing over him.
By the look of things, you guess he's close. You quicken the pace, feeling the skin of you breast chafe due to friction but you don't care. You clamped your hand on your boobs harder to tighten its hold around his cock and pump faster and faster and faster until he's cumming on you tits.
"Shit, noona," Jimin stressed, his breaths labored. You watched as his chest heaved up and down, supplying him with the oxygen he needs after such an intense climax.
"Oh no. Look at the mess you made, Jimin." You shook your head, pointing to your breast painted with his milky liquid. "I don't like messes," You sing-song, pushing yourself back up to straddle him once more. You clasped your finger under his chin and commanded, "clean it."
His heart stammered in his chest. This is it. This is what he desired. Your perky nipples snug between his lips while your back arches in euphoria. He aggressively lapped up his juices from the skin of your chest with his tongue, leaving no trace of the substance behind. Up and down, left and right, there was no area left untouched by his wet greedy muscles. If he could only see the contorted position he put himself in just to taste you. He doesn't give a shit anymore, he'll gladly eat his cum out of you asshole if you asked. He obscenely sucked you left nipple first, earning the tiniest moan from you. Alternating between light nips and starved slurps, abusing your bud. He then moves to your right nipple, the more sensitive one that has you immediately grinding your clothed core against his semi-hard on.
"Let me make you feel good, noona." He desperately whined, concealing his face in the nook of your neck inhaling your fragrant scent.
You quirked a brow and asked while weaving you digits through his sweat-damped hair. "What does my baby have in mind?"
"Let me.." he croaked.
"Louder. I can't hear you."
"Let me eat you out, noona. Let me make you feel good." He begged with pleading eyes , fidgeting his hands that were behind his back, trying to untie the belt that was restraining him. "I can make you--"
"If you take those off I am kicking you out." You threateningly glared at him, voice deadly like venom.
Jimin was scared shitless. He could do nothing but sit silently and obey. "I-I'm sorry, noona. I didn't mean to make you mad."
This boy. It may seem like you're the one in control but it is you who are actually wrapped around his little finger. Giving in to what he wants. "It's okay, baby." you massaged his tensed shoulders, soothing him down. "I'll still let you eat me out if you promise not to take off your restraint."
You sounded so sweet, the exact opposite of what you were minutes ago. Not wanting to piss you off more, Jimin nodded.
You helped him lay down the sofa, propping his head underneath a throw pillow. You stepped to the side and shimmied your pants off. His eyes trailed the article of clothing peeling off your body. When the pair of jeans were long gone, his gaze was attached to your still clothed core. A small wet patch sticking to your folds in the middle was visible. You prop a leg over him, climbing on top of his chest, finding purchase when his face is below your pussy.
He could smell the scent of you arousal. Filling up his nostrils and intoxicating his entire nervous system like it's some kind of poison. This by far was the best angle he's seen you in. Seeing it up close, he wished he could at least touch you…
You moved into a considerably better position, if you buck your hips the slightest bit, if will directly collide with his mouth. "This what you want baby boy?" You teased, lowering you center on the tip of his nose. Overpowering him even more.
"Yes, yes, yes!" He cries out, "I want nothing but your pussy, noona!"
You snickered at how desperate he has become, "Who knew you were such a little bitch, Jimin. Loving the way you hands are tied up and thirsting over my pussy."
"Yes! I want to taste you, noona. I want to make you feel good until you're squirting all over my face like you did before on the floor. Then
I'll eat you up so good, so clean."
"Good boy." You thrummed, ultimately taking off your underwear. Letting him marvel at the sight of your woman hood. Clean Shaven, baby smooth, and tulip pink. Without warning, you hastily maneuver yourself, grinding your core against his face. "Put your filthy mouth to good use and make me cum."
The sounds he was making were borderline pornographic as hell. His slurps and moans blessing your ears, making your insides rut. He'd occasionally prod his muscles inside your hole then flick on your clit relentlessly. The tensed coil finally snapped and you chase you high by grinding against his face. He's devouring you out like a man starved, sucking out and drinking all the juice your pussy was providing him. Wanting nothing but to be selfish, and have you for himself. He licked you clean, not wasting a single drop of your delicious cum.
"I didn't know you were such a disgusting slut for pussy, Jimin."
"I, I only want your pussy noona… no one else's." He confessed.
"On your knees." You demand.
"H-huh?"
"I said on you knees. You slut."
Jimin dropped down on the floor waiting for your next command like the slut he is.
"Tell me how much you want to fuck me."
"I-I.." He stuttered with his words, and it made you infuriated.
"I said. Tell me how much you want to fuck this tight pussy of mine." You bellowed, your words bouncing off the walls of your living you.
"I want to fuck you so much, noona! I want to bury my cock so deep inside your pussy until I reach your cervix then I'll fuck you some more. I want nothing but to fill you up with my seed and put a baby in you, noona! I'll fuck you so good that you'll want to you pussy filled by me every day!" He cried, plunging his head on the floor in a begging for your life bow. "Please, please, please!" Jimin was hysterical at this point, screaming and begging you to let him fuck you. "Noona, please. I'll fuck you so good that you'll forget about all your problems."
You shiver at his submission and once again, he's got you eating at the palm of his hands. You freed his wrist and he lunges at you, hustling you up against the wall. "Noona," he breathed in the smell of your shampoo, steadying his hands on your hips fingers digging into your skin. "You don't know how much I wanted to put my hands on you. I can't take it anymore, noona." he pressed his erection against your slick folds "I need to be inside you."
"Then show noona what that dirty cock can do." you smirked, challenging the boy.
He gripped both of your thighs and carried you to the dinner table. Laying you down before spreading your legs open for him. He aligned his cock to your entrance, pushing gradually, inch by inch until he bottomed out.
The stretch was incredible, you were already dripping wet but there was still the sting that lingered from his size. Your walls were trying resisting the force, convulsing around his length spontaneously.
"You're tighter than I've imagined, noona." You did kegels around him, eliciting a sharp groan from the boy. "Fuck, Noona. You were made for my cock."
You hummed in agreement, relishing the sensation of him pushing in and out of your tight hole.
"Baby.." You moaned wantonly, elevating you butt so that he could have a better angle while penetrating you ruthlessly. "Your thick long cock is the best I've ever had. Better than my ex-husband's pathetic excuse for a dick."
His ego doubled at your praise, pride blooming in his chest. "More, noona.. please tell me how great my cock is for you.."
"Ahhh-- ahh. Jimin!" You bit your lip, clenching around him. "You're taking remarkably good care of noona. Fucking your noona so good. I love your cock so much. I want you to fill me up with you cum. Yeah? Hmmmm. Make your noona the happiest by cumming inside my pussy."
There was the push he needed, he was plunging further into you. He felt the barrier of your cervix and broken through it before spilling all his seed into your womb. You quickly followed when you felt the warmth of his juices flowing into you. Your velvet walls convulsed around his cock, milking him for all his worth.
Silence fell on the both of you, only the south of your panting and harsh breath resonated.
You supported yourself up with you elbows as Jimin pull out his now flaccid penis. You felt the trickle of both of your releases slobber out of your sore hole. "Baby, do noona a favor and clean up the mess you've made with your mouth."
Jimin without hesitation obeyed and dove right in. Making sure to get every last drop of yours and his cum with his tongue. He lifted his head, mouth glistening from your juices. You pulled him closer to pet his held. "You were such a good boy for noona. Bring me to bed."
He obliged, carrying you bridal style to your room. His muscles rippling under your stripped body.
"Noona?" He questioned while his face was still cuddling your tummy.
"Hmm?"
"Did I make you feel good?"
You lifted up his face and said, "You made me feel so good, baby." You assured, loving the way his eyes turn into crescent moons endearing when he smiles.
"Can we do that again? But this time I want the blindfolds." He flashed a cheeky grin.
You smirked at his innocence, placing a kiss on his temple. "Of course, baby. We have all the time in the world."
++
The sound of knocking on your front door wakes you up, seems like this is will be a regular thing now. You managed to put on an oversized shirt and underwear on before heading to the source of the noise.
You opened the doors at was bet by Jungkook and Taehyung.
"Good morning, boys." You yawned, gesturing them to come in.
"Uhm. Good morning, noona" Jungkook croaked, pushing his senior to speak on his behalf. "See, we haven't heard from Jimin since last night so uh-- it's just jungkook and I that'll be finishing up work today." Taehyung stated.
"About that…."
You heard the door of your room creak open and out comes Jimin with nothing but this boxers on and hickeys all over his neck and chest.
The two boys looked at each other dumbfoundedly and once they've put two and two together, huge grins were plastered on their faces.
End
tell me what u think pls
#ksmutclub#btsguild#bangtanarmynet#magicshopnet#jimin x reader#jimin smut#jimin angst#jimin fluff#jimin fanfic#bts smut#bts angst#bts fluff#bts fanfic#kpop smut#kpop fanfic#kpop fanfiction#bts writing#kpop writing#sub!jimin#sub!bts#jimin scenario#jimin imagine#d/s themes#bts#bangtan sonyeondan#bangtan fic#jungkook#jhope#taehyung#namjoon
1K notes
·
View notes
Note
heyo
so, what are your favourite tropes/aus, and if you wrote a fic, what would the concept be owo
ooh favorite tropes!! i havent read much the past few months ngl but i usually value friendships and good characterization in fics more than anything else as a general rule. im gonna list them out in an attempt to sound more comprehensive:
1. Found family, regardless of whether the members involved were gung ho or very tsundere abt this relationship
2. Enemies to friends (to lovers sometimes but that depends)
3. Childhood friends
4. Disaster Man Becomes Amazing but Reluctant Dad Figure
5. VIGILANTES
6. HEISTSSSS
7. Sloooooowwwwww Burn. almost to the point that if a romance doesnt have slow burn or an already well established relationship im gonna find it hard to ship it hdjhdj (ive read fics where the burn was beautifully slow and so well done i was dying by the end and it all happened in under 8k. honestly mad props to that author i dont remember who it was ;v;)
theres a couple more but i cannot remember what they were for the life of me
as for the fic writing concept:
back in like 2016-2017 when i wasnt allowed a second of internet access for over a year and was handed one of those old old brick phones in case my parents wanted to call me, i typed out a whole 20k+ fic into the notes of that phone (it didnt have enough space so id had to delete the first half orzzzz). bc it was 2016-2017 the fic was for,,,,voltron, before season 2 was ever announced.
(im gonna summarize it like hell bc there was so much lore) this fic starts off with keith dying when he got hit by a truck on his way to get groceries BUT ITS OKAY. it was set in an au where a person is reincarnated 3-4 years after they die. the beginning is in keiths pov till his death and then the rest is from lance's (with sprinkles of alluras). theyre uni students and live in the same apartment. allura and shiro are profs (theres no ships in this, but theres also a possible klance ending bc i love the idea of one particular plot twist).
allura is also leader of secret organisation altea from 10,000 years that got destroyed but she built it ground up. galra are time traveling organisation that destroyed altea. they keep attempting to take over the world by stealing alfors superior time machine plans (and plans for a particular lion-themed ass kicking robot :3) that almost all got destroyed too but shenanigans happened and allura has them, and shes trying to complete the design
allura is like best friends with shiro and by extension the rest of them and incidentally she has tech that detects galra time travel shenanigans (i had the concept and everything worked out for this too. i had so much time on my hands). for technical reasons she cant time travel and also seeing these guys so heartbroken even 2 weeks later is v painful. she tells them abt altea. they travel to the future. yes they meet future keith. yes they follow alluras (and future alluras) instructions and find out that keith was essential to galras takeover plan. as in the galra were killing keith bc they got word from time travel shenanigans that he'd be the reason they fall (im summarizing this so so so much orz)
also ptsd often passes on through reincarnations so Keith is terrified of rain (itd been raining when he died) and trucks and all this exposure to the rest of the hooligans keep giving him flashes of memories from his previous life
they come back with keith. theres a v good reason why and summarizing all this is so painful bc theres so much cool time travel shenanigans shit i was so proud of that im erasing in the summary but its been 5 years and it is 5 am rn but i am so so excited rn i want to write it.
thank u for this ask!! it really got the serotonin flowing ^u^
#ask#reese tag#im gonna write it (i said for the millionth time in the last 5 years)#im sorry for the long post idk how to add a read more on mob ;v;#long post#also not to call u out but its so sweet that u sent the others questions abt their writing but since im not a writer u sent me an ask abt#writing in general instead#maybe ur right maybe u ARE an angel
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
All His Fault
/Gif not mine
a/n: So here we go, this took me so long but im very happy with it! Not a reader insert, but an OC of sorts.
warnings: mentions of past abuse, nothing too graphic but its still there.
word count: 8k (whoa buddy.)
Enjoy!
He had been awake for hours trying to get his apartment clean. Ben was flying in today and Joe had offered up his spare room for while he was here, he simply couldn’t let his best friend stay in a hotel! Checking his watch, he sent Ben a text telling him that he had a few things to do that day but that the door would be open for him when he arrived. Taking another look around the room he sent out another text, to his oldest friend, Casey. He sent a similar message to her, stating that the door was open whenever she was ready to stop by, that he had to leave shortly. Not waiting for a message from either of the two, he grabbed his jacket and out the door he went.
-
Casey shivered slightly when she entered Joe’s apartment, the warmth on her skin making her sigh happily. Closing the door behind her softly, she kicked off her ratty sneakers by the door. Shuffling inside, headed straight to the kitchen where she found a coffee mug sitting beside the machine, a note with her name on Joe’s messy handwriting say atop the cup. She grabbed it with a smile before flipping it open, a twenty dollar bill falling out of it.
Case,
Lucy has clothes for you at her place, so when you are done here head there and Gwil will be escorting you, this is for a bus to Lucy’s. I’m sorry I can’t be there for you today, but know that I am so proud of you! Enjoy the coffee. It’s already perfect, just press the button, and there is food in the fridge.
Love you Case,
Joe.
She smiled slightly as she ran her fingers over the writing. Joe had been Casey’s oldest friend, going all the way back to the sandbox, memories you don’t ever forget. Putting the sweet note into her pocket, she pressed the button and the machine came to life, filling the room with the smell of the dark roast that she loved. Deciding that a shower was more important, she touched the refrigerator lightly and set the money beside the machine, before heading to the bathroom where a towel was already set out for her.
She tried to avoid the mirror, but something inside her made her look. Her hair was ratty and matted, her eyes sunken and dark. Sighing slightly as she ran her fingers over the bruise on her jaw, only a little yellow now. The split in her lip had all but healed by now, only looking like a pale pink scar. She kept her eyes locked on the mirror as she started to undress, seeing more fading bruises all over her torso, all at various stages of healing. It’s hard to believe that after two weeks she could still see the evidence of what had happened.
Willing herself not to cry, she turned away from the mirror and slid out of the dirty jeans she had been in for days. After turning on the water, she tried to run her brush through her hair, but the bristles couldn’t work their way through the clumps, so she gave up. When she stepped into the steaming water, she finally let herself fall apart. Tears streaming down her face as she let the water wash them away the moment they fell. How did I get here? Why me? What did I do that was so wrong that I deserve this? The questions slammed into her head before she could stop them. She shook her head quickly and sniffled a little, standing up a little straighter. You know what would help? Whiskey. “No.” She finally spoke out loud, as if her mind was actually able to respond to her. Whiskey wouldn’t help her, it would make things worse, and she knew it.
She stomped her foot lightly in the water, smiling lightly as the puddle that was forming. She grabbed the shampoo and started lathering it into her tangled hair as best as she could, before rinsing it and repeating the same process. When it came to the conditioner, she worked it into the mattes in her hair gently before grabbing the brush and fighting through them once more. Tying up her conditioner filled brushed hair into a bun at the base of her neck she grabbed for the washcloth and the small bottle of body gel that Joe had obviously bought just for her. She would have to think of a way to thank him for being so nice to her, though she couldn’t help but think it had nothing to do with being friends, and more to do with pity. Casey hated being pitied. She knew that she was pathetic for putting up with her husband as long as she did, but she was accepting her failure and was now working to become stronger.
Halfway through rinsing her finally clean skin under the spray of the water, she heard the front door. She tensed up, before chuckling humorlessly at herself. He wouldn’t be here, he can’t hurt you. She thought softly before relaxing slightly into the water again. It was probably just Joe coming back.
-
When Ben walked into the apartment, he smiled looking around Joe’s place. It was just like him, classic and homey. Taking a deep breath in, Ben’s mouth watered at the smell of the strong coffee, and practically floating towards it like they would in an old cartoon. When he saw the mug sitting next to the machine, he smiled again, Joe was so nice to him. He began to make his cup of coffee when he heard the shower running. Perfect time to scare him. Ben snuck his way across the floor to the bathroom door, gripping the handle quietly. “JOE!” He shouted as he opened the door quickly, but the sound that came from behind the curtain was anything but a man’s scream. Joe would have told me if he had a lady friend in the apartment. Ben realized to himself as a face poked out of the shower curtain.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” The woman shouted, holding the curtain close to her chest. Ben instantly turned around, shielding his eyes.
“Who the fuck are you?” He shouted back at her.
“Who are you?” Both of them were just shouting at each other at this point and it seemed like either of them were going to get the answers they needed to understand the situation.
“You know, I told Joe that leaving his door unlocked in New York would let the street rats in.” Ben grumbled as he noticed the dirtied clothes littering the bathroom. He slammed the coffee mug onto the counter and spun around to face the strange woman. “So what? You just snuck in here and decided to take yourself a quick shower while no one was here? Did you think you wouldn’t get caught?” He took a step closer to the shower.
“What? No-” Casey started to laugh but Ben cut her off with a wave of his hand.
“You need to leave.”
“Just let me-” She started again but again, Ben was quick to stop her.
“No, out.” Ben stood his ground firmly, crossing his arms.
“Can you just wait a goddamn minute?” Casey snapped, who was this guy and why did he think that he could kick her out? This was Joe’s place, she had been invited, and yet this strange blond man with a thick accent thinks he can just waltz in here and start barking orders. All of that changed when she saw the twitch in his arm, quickly grabbing at the shower curtain and ripping it away from her.
“OUT!” He shouted at her, and she hated that she flinched away. She hated that she couldn’t stand up to this stranger. She hated that she cowered against the back wall of the shower as he threw her dirty clothes at her. She hated him.
With treacherous tears trying to squeeze their way out of her eyes, she picked up her clothes already soaked from the shower and with a soft whimper she pulled the wet jeans over her wet legs.
“If you just let me-”
“I don’t care!” Ben snapped at her, and she flinched away again. Ben felt guilty for only a second at being so mean to this stranger, but how dare she think she can just break into his friend’s house while he was out? Who did she think she was?
Casey sniffled, and avoiding eye contact with the man, something else she hated, something else he had taken away from her, she gathered her shirt and bra, covering her chest with them as she ran out of the room. Shoving her bra into her bag and quickly pulling on her shirt, she grabbed for her coat as Ben was rounding the corner.
“Would you just leave already?” He shouted again, and this time she let out a choked sob, not even putting her shoes on as she ran out the door, slamming it behind her. “Come to New York, he said, It’ll be fun, he said.” Ben muttered mockingly as he took an angry sip of his coffee before plopping onto the couch. “Bloody hell.”
-
Casey made it down to the front lobby of Joe’s building and only then did she stop long enough to slip her bare feet into her shoes. Wiping at her face quickly, she saw that there were quite a few people staring at her. Head down, she tightened her light jacket and she ran out into the crowded sidewalk and shivered from the cold. Joe! He would be able to explain who that was and why he was kicking her out! She patted her jacket pocket, curing herself when she realized that she had left it in the apartment. Looking back up towards the building, she realized it wasn’t worth talking to that horrible man again, not that he would believe that it was hers anyways.
Cursing herself again for not grabbing a heavier coat, she pulled the light windbreaker tighter to her body and started walking to Lucy’s, maybe Lucy would let her finish her shower too. Hiking her backpack up her shoulder more, she fought through the crowd, enjoying the slight body heat she stole from strangers as she passed them. Had Casey had her phone, she would have gotten the text from Lucy saying that she wasn’t going to be home, to use the key under the mat. But here she was, almost two hours later, standing outside of Lucy’s building, when she heard a voice behind her.
“You have got to be kidding me! Twice in one day? Go beg somewhere else.” The blond from earlier spit from behind her, making Casey tense.
“My friend lives here, she’s supposed to be giving me something.” Casey explained softly, not looking man in the eyes. “I’m not breaking into anywhere.”
“Whatever. I’ll be sure to let the building manager know that the street rats are begging around his building, maybe your friend will also be removed.” He scoffed at her, slamming the car door and walking into the building himself. Casey waited outside for a few moments as to not have to ride the elevator with the beast of a man she had to encounter twice in one day. Once she felt enough time had passed, she made her way through the front doors, heading straight to the stairs, taking them two by two until she reached the right door. Walking into the hallway that housed Lucy’s apartment, she reached the door with a skip.
Casey had gotten along with Lucy the moment that Joe had introduced them just two weeks ago, Lucy taking the battered girl under her wing and giving her the clothes she was currently wearing. Casey couldn’t believe that Joe had such nice friends, like Lucy and Gwilym, who were so eager to help her. Gwilym was supposed to be picking her up to take her to the courthouse today, and as much as Casey wished it was Joe who would be there for her, she accepted the help with only a small fight. Casey smiled at the flowery door mat that Lucy had in front of her door, knocking on the door lightly.
Casey’s smile fell quickly when the person who answered the door was not, in fact, Lucy, but instead it was the cruel blond man again. Shit. “Jesus christ.” He breathed out, rolling his eyes. “You have a friend here? Lucy is your friend?” Casey nodded her head, but when she couldn’t look the man in the eye he scoffed. “Sure she is. I’m sure that you know Joe as well yes?” When Casey nodded her head again, the man let out a dark laugh. “I’m sure someone like you knows Joe and Lucy. Let me guess, you’re also close friends with Rami and Gwil? The whole bloody cast of a movie I’m sure you’ve seen posters for. But you don’t know me? Likely. Go, before I call the cops.” Ben slammed the door in the girls face and she crumpled to the floor in a heap. Why today of all days. Since she had no phone, she wasn’t able to contact anyone, and she knew that no one would let someone who looked as she did now, use theirs.
Pulling herself off of the floor, she cursed herself again for leaving the money Joe had left her on the counter, and also for not drinking the coffee before she had tried to shower. Looking at the clock, 9:28, she had barely two hours left until she was due in court and there was no way of getting ahold of Gwilym to pick her up, so she had no choice but to talk all the way across town. No sense in feeling bad for yourself, Casey, you should have spoken up when he found you in the shower. She thought to herself darkly, hating her ex-husband for taking away her ability to speak freely. She was always so afraid of the wrath of a man, and she hated herself for it. She hated the person she had become.
Casey walked quickly back the stairs and ran down them and straight out the door, stopping only to dig through her pocket to see that she only had three dollars to her name. Not enough for a cab across town. She took off at a sprint as she ran towards her destination as fast as she could. Praying she could get there in time.
-
Looking at the large clock in the center of the courthouse building, Casey again, dropped to the ground. She had made it, but not in time. 12:03. She was a half hour late, but she had to try. She ran as fast as her tired legs would take her up the front steps, until she ran into him.
“You look like a mess, Casey. What could you not pull yourself out of the bottle long enough to make yourself presentable and make it here on time?” The man she used to love glared down at her. “You thought that you could beat me, but guess what?” He leaned down and grabbed her by the chin, she pulled her head away but he was quicker, trapping her jaw in his grasp. He brought his face next to her, in a manner that people would have thought intimate, though the venom in his words betrayed that. “You will never win, she is mine now.” He whispered darkly in her ear and she let out a sob.
“You can’t take her away from me.” Casey whispered as she looked into the man’s eyes as he smiled, “Please.” The tears flowed freely down her face as she gripped his arm. “John, please. At least let me see her?” She asked, already knowing the answer.
“You want to see her like this? You’re pathetic, Casey.” He scoffed, pushing her jaw away from him, scoffing as she stumbled to the ground. “You’re drunk now aren’t you?”
“I swear I’m not! I haven’t drank in months, and you know that!” Casey cried, pushing herself to her feet. “John, please, you know that you are only doing this to hurt me. You know how hard I’ve been working at this, you just want to punish me because I left.” Casey grabbed at his arm again, but John pulled it away quickly.
“You tried to take her from me, and you know I don’t like when people try to take things from me, Casey.” He brushed his hand over his sleeve, as if Casey touching it would ruin the fabric. “Go back to your street life, that you seem to enjoy more than your life with us.”
“No one hits me on the street, John! No one threatens my daughters life in the street! No one to smack me around when dinner is served at exactly seven oclock!” Casey screamed at him, making more than one person look at the couple. John hissed and grabbed her arm tightly as he pulled her closer to the building.
“You’ve lost your chance to prove that, Casey. You couldn’t be bothered to show up today and she will know that. She will know that you left her in that house.” John whispered to her, but she could hear the threat in his voice. “That you left her with me.” He gave her a wicked smile. Casey sobbed as her legs gave out beneath her and John let her arm go so she fell into a heap. “Enjoy your street life, Casey.” John straightened out his collar before dropping a twenty dollar bill in front of her. “I don’t want to see you again.” He didn’t even look back at her as he walked away, leaving her a sobbing mess.
-
“Hey Benny!” Joe shouted as he got back to his apartment, finding it empty. He walked around a bit, seeing the wet floor of his bathroom but the towel still folded on the counter where he left it. “Casey?” He yelled, walking into the kitchen to see the note was gone but the money remained, next to Casey’s phone. He had bought her the phone when she left her husband, and she always had it on her. When he clicked the home button, he saw that she had many missed calls, one from himself, one from Lucy and five from Gwil. Pulling out his own phone, he called Gwilym first.
“Hey buddy, how did it go today? Casey left her phone here.” Joe asked as soon as he heard the line pick up.
“I honestly don’t know, she never responded to my calls.” Gwils voice rang through the speaker and Joe’s heart dropped. “I sat outside Lucy’s place for a while and I only saw Ben leaving.”
“Oh! Maybe Ben took her then!” Joe smiled to himself.
“No, he was alone, and he was grumpy and didn’t even say hi to me.” Gwilym huffed.
“Let me give him a call, I’ll let you know what I find out. Later!”
“See ya soon.” Gwil promised and then they both hung up, Joe was quick to dial up Ben’s number, not feeling surprised when he heard bar noises when the Brit answered the phone.
“Ben! Hey where are you?” Joe pocketed Casey’s phone and pulled his coat and scarf back on.
“Pub by your place, mate, what’s up?” Joe smiled at the man’s slightly slurred voice.
“Headed to you, buddy, sit still.” Joe ended the call and he was back out into the hallway, headed down the block to Ben.
-
When Joe entered the room, Ben was quick to jump on him laughing deeply. “It’s good to see you man!” He shouted over the music. Joe gave the man a strong hug and clapped his hand on his back.
“Good to see you too! How was the flight?” Joe asked, taking the beer that Ben was offering, laughing at Ben’s eye roll. “That good huh?” He laughed.
“The flight was fine, but when I got to your place, there was someone in the apartment, so I yelled a bit and kicked them out. You really shouldn’t leave your door unlocked, mate.” Ben chuckled lightly, taking a sip of his beer.
“Wait, there was a woman in my apartment so you yelled at her to leave?” Joe asked, dumbfounded. He rubbed his hand down his face and pulled his phone out.
“Well yeah, she was dirty, man. You should have seen her.” Ben scoffed.
“You had no right to do that, Ben. What the fuck?” Joe stood quickly, turning and running out the door. Ben slapped down a few bills and ran after him.
“What happened? What did I do wrong?”
“You’re an asshole, that’s what you did wrong.” Joe muttered as he dialed quickly. “Lucy? Did she stop there?” Joe was staring at Ben, and he noticed when his eyes went wide.
“I had told her I wasn’t going to be home, but I left the key. The clothes I had for her are still in the closet.” Lucy’s voice rang through and Ben rubbed his hand over his head and sighed deeply.
“It’s alright, Luce. I think Ben knows something, I’ll call you back.” Joe’s eyes bore into Ben’s as he shoved the phone into his pocket.
Ben lit up a cigarette and started pacing back and forth in front of Joe as he told him the whole story, from the beginning, Joe’s face getting angrier by the second. He told Joe about the shower, and about threatening to call the police at Lucy’s, and all Joe asked was “What time was that?” When Ben answered that it was around 9:30, Joe snapped.
“Goddamnit, Ben! That was hours ago!” He shouted, making Ben flinch slightly. “That dirty woman you kicked out was my best friend Casey. She had some place to be today and she didn’t make it to any of the check in’s that I set up for her. She left her phone at my place next to the cash I was giving her to get to the courthouse.” Joe locked his fingers behind his head as he paced. “I’ve got to find her, and now you’re going to help make this right.” He shouted the last part, pointing his finger into the blond man’s face.
“You make a habit of befriending street rats?” Ben was beginning to get angry for being blamed for this and he had never seen Joe get so angry before, he just didn’t understand.
“She wasn’t a goddamn street rat. She’s a-” Joe shook his head in bewilderment at his friend. “It doesn’t matter, Ben. Just know that you fucked up and maybe-” Joe was cut off mid sentence when he saw him. John. Casey’s ex-husband. “HEY!” Joe shouted, his face getting more and more red. “Where is she!” He took long strides over towards the man.
“If you’re talking about Casey, I left her outside the courthouse, an hour late I might add.” John scoffed as Joe approached him quickly. “Probably drunk as usual.”
“She was late..” Joe trailed off, looking at the man that he was certain was evil incarnate. “No, I tried to help-”
“When will you realize that she isn’t worth it? She’s not the girl you once knew, Joe, she’s nothing but an alcoholic who lies about everything.” John shrugged his shoulder and started walking away, but Joe wasn’t letting him off that easily.
“She lies? Were those bruises a lie, John? Was that busted lip a lie?” He shouted loudly, making people look at the exchange. “And what about Sophie? Huh? Now that your favorite punching bag is gone, what will become of her?” Joe was fighting back the tears that he knew were going to come out. Casey had told him all about John and what he liked to do when he came home. Joe knew all about the time that Casey had come home just as John’s hand had slid across their daughters face. It burned him up to know that that little girl was stuck in that house now, and while he could put the blame on John, instead he turned to Ben whose eyes were wide with shock.
“This is your fault!” He shouted, the angry tears flowing down his face. “If you hadn’t kicked her out of everywhere she needed to be, she would have had a chance!” Joe pushed his shoulder into Ben’s as he walked past. “Come on!” He shouted over his shoulder as he walked away, Ben following quickly before sliding in after Joe into a cab.
-
“Joe, please listen to me, I didn’t know.” Ben explained as they walked up Lucy’s buildings stairs after paying the cabbie. “She didn’t say anything, she just cowered away from me.” He whispered the last part, his heart straining in his chest. “I didn’t know.”
“So your first instinct when you see a bruised up woman is to shout at her? When she cowered away from you, you just kept going? And when you saw her again? What you just assumed she was following you and shouted at her again? What the hell is wrong with you?” Joe was fuming, brushing off the snow that had started to fall off of his jacket.
“I didn’t know!” Ben shouted back, throwing his hands in the air. “Would it have been so difficult to tell me someone would be at your place when I got there?”
“I thought she would be gone by the time you got there.” Joe lowered his voice. “Look Ben, I’m sorry that I’m being so rough on you right now, but-” He stopped himself and rubbed a hand over his face. “Ok. Look. This isn’t my place to tell you but that man that I was yelling at? That was John, Casey’s abusive husband. Ex husband. She ran away from him two weeks ago with their four year old daughter, Sophie. John called the cops saying that his crazy alcoholic wife had kidnapped their child and she was arrested and Soph was returned to him.” Joe scratched at his head before continuing, “She had court today to show them what he had done to her and will inevitably do to their daughter. She was to shower at my place, get clothes from Lucy and the Gwil was supposed to take her to the courthouse.”
Ben folded his arms over his chest and looked away from his friend. “We need to find her, and hope to god that she isn’t drinking.” Joe sighed heavily. Ben simply nodded his head and pointed to Lucy’s door. Joe clapped his hand on Ben’s back and the two men silently walked the short distance to the door. Once Lucy answered, they retold everything to her and she gasped, looking at Ben like she didn’t know who he was anymore. Ben stayed quiet as the two of them went over all of the places that she could have been, before insisting that they let him help. Splitting up seemed to be the best idea to find her.
“Let’s take a few jackets with us, I know that she only has one thin one since she left the shelter.” Lucy mumbled, handing thick coats to both men. Joe called up Gwil and while he was also extremely pissed at Ben, he jumped at the chance to help them search for her. The four of them all seperating to different areas.
“It’s February in New York, it’s cold and without a shelter, she could freeze in this snow.” Joe muttered as they stepped out of the building. It was suddenly heavily snowing and he pulled his own coast close to his body. “Split up, call me as soon as you find her!” He shouted as he jogged away.
“I’m not going to tell you not to feel bad, Ben, because you honestly should be ashamed of yourself.” Lucy spit out before she too, was on her way.
Ben cursed himself loudly, before heading off in the direction he was told to go. Who thinks to look for someone under a bridge? He thought to himself as he shoved his hands in his pockets and took off running.
-
By the time that Ben had reached the bridge Joe told him about, the sun had set and he was holding his collar up close to his neck. “Casey!” He shouted every few feet, hoping to get a response. Don’t forget to check under the bridge, not just around it. Joe had reminded him before he left the apartment. Apparently there were a lot of people who hung around the bridges in snowstorms in New York. Americans. Ben chuckled dryly to himself as he shouted her name again. The closer he got to the bridge, he could see a slight figure huddled in on itself under the bridge.
When he walked up to the shivering figure, he whispered her name again. “Casey?” The figure lifted its head and shook it.
“What are you going to tell me that you know the person who owns the bridge too?” She scoffed, hiccuping slightly. Ben took a step towards the woman who looked so much smaller than she had that morning. “Who are you anyways? Are you-” Hiccup “Following me?” The woman took a long drink from a bottle that Ben had not seen when he walked up.
“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t know who you were this morning.” Ben took another step, walking slowly as to not frighten her.
“I’m not fucking scared deer, buddy, I’m not gonna run away if you walk towards me.” She slurred a little but Ben could tell that she was scared. “Who are you?” She asked again.
“My name is Ben, I’m friends with Joe.”
“How do I know you’re telling the truth? You didn’t believe me when I told you I was friends with him.” She scoffed, taking another gulp, Ben watched her face scrunch up at the drink.
“Casey, look, I’m sorry ok? I fucked up, real bad. I didn’t know what had happened to-” Casey cut him off with a scoff.
“What do you think that you know me now? Joe told you about me so you think you know?” She struggled to stand, but swatted Ben’s hand away when he reached for her, “You know nothing. You are only here because you feel bad that you yelled at me, knowing that he yelled at me too. You don’t care about me, you only want to make yourself feel better and pity me.” She shook the bottle at him, sloshing the liquid onto the ground. “Don’t you fucking pity me.”
“You’re right, I do feel bad, and that is why I’m out here, but I can honestly tell you that I do not pity you.” He crossed his arms, suddenly realizing that he was holding the coat Lucy gave him. “I think you are incredibly strong to have gone through that and came out the other side.” He held out the coat to her and she eyed it for a moment, shaking her head.
“I don’t need your help, Joe’s friend.” She smacked at the coat.
“It’s not from me, it’s from Lucy.”
She picked her head up and looked at the coat again, snatching it quickly and pulling it on. Finding gloves and a hat in the sleeve and she smiled, running her hand over the hat. “Lucy.” Casey cooed softly.
“Can we get you home? Wherever it is you stay?” Ben asked, rubbing his hands together in the cold. “It’s getting awfully cold out here.”
Casey smiled at him softly, the warmth of the coat already bringing more color into her cold skin. “Oh, Joe’s friend. Welcome to my home.” She stumbled only slightly as she spun around with her arms spread wide. Ben’s eyes widened considerably as he watched her.
“Here? Isn’t there a shelter that will take you in? It’s freezing out here!”
“Shelters are family space only, kids need to be inside before I do. Plus they wont let me in because, well,” She shook the bottle slightly with a dry laugh.
“Joe said you were a recovering alcoholic.” He started slowly, moving closer to her, this time she didn’t back away. Casey scoffed and rolled her eyes before leaning against the wall behind her, handing the bottle to Ben. Taking the almost empty bottle and bringing it to his lips, he took a deep drink, not handing it back to her.
“I am.”
“Yeah I can see how well that’s going.”
“Well I kind of had an overly shitty day today.” She scoffed, reaching for the bottle in his hands but he pulled it away. “Some asshole kept me from what I needed to do, and I lost my daughter. I think I’m allowed.”
Ben felt the guilt creep up his spine and he looked away from her, taking another swig from the bottle. “Casey..”
Casey put her hand up to stop him. “Please stop apologizing. Shit happens, not everything can work in my favor.” She slid down the wall until she was sitting on her heels. “It would just be nice if something went my way for once.”
Ben looked at the woman, sitting in a small position, head in her hands. “You’re right, you deserve this.” He handed the bottle back to her slowly, making her pick up her head with a small smile.
“You’re not too bad, Joe’s friend.” She smiled, but shook her head and held her hand up, refusing the bottle.
“Well instead of sleeping out here, I’m sure Joe wouldn’t mind if I offered up his spare room. It’s too cold out here.” Ben stuck his hand down to her and she gave a small smile before shaking her head, Ben looked at her confused.
“Joe will kill me if he knew I had been drinking, I think it’s best if you just tell them that you couldnt find me, I’ll make my way back to Joe’s in the morning.” Casey pulled the coat closer to her body and sighed into the fabric. “I’ll be alright out here.”
“Fat chance. I’ll just tell Joe that you went straight to bed and he wouldn’t even bother you until morning, he doesn’t even have to know.”
“He will know.”
“How?”
“Before tonight, I haven’t had a single drink for eleven months and twenty-seven days.”
“Jesus, Casey. This really is my fault.” Ben scrubbed a hand over his face quickly, pushing off of the wall and pacing a little. “If I hadn’t been such an arsehole this morning, you would have gotten to where you needed to be on time and maybe you’d have your kid.”
“If you say that you are sorry one more time, I will punch you.” Casey pointed a finger at him and laughed. “Alright, I’ll let you have your ‘save the damsel’ moment, Joe’s friend. Take me to Joe’s.” She held both of her arms up for Ben to help her stand, which he did happily. “But I will need to talk to him tonight, I promised I wouldn’t keep things from him anymore.” Ben nodded his head, and after she took one step and stumbled, Ben chuckled sadly as he stepped in front of her and crouched down.
“Jump on, it’ll be easier than making sure you won’t stumble into the street.” He spoke over his shoulder at her. With a loud laugh, she jumped right onto his back and he grunted at the force. “You’re lucky you’re adorable.” Ben grumbled, bouncing her up further on his back. Casey laughed lightly and tightened her arms around his neck, and off they were headed towards Joe’s apartment. “You should call Joe, He’s been worried sick about you for hours.” Ben hooked her ankles together in front of him so he could dig in his pocket for his phone before handing it to her.
Sighing she took, the offered phone and punched in Joe’s number and squeezed her eyes shut and waited for him to yell at her.
“Ben? Did you find her yet? I haven’t heard anything from anyone else and I’m fucking freaking out.” He blurted out as soon as he answered the phone, and it made her smile but also made her heart break for causing this.
“Joe..”
“Casey, oh my god! Where are you?” Joe’s voice softened and she could feel a tear slipping down her face.
“Two blocks away, how long it’ll take us to get to yours is undetermined, your friend here walks awfully slow.” Joe could hear Ben’s laughter through the line slightly.
“Well if you weren’t so bloody pissed I wouldn’t have to carry you and we could get there quicker.” Ben laughed and Casey went silent.
“Casey.. are you- are you drunk?” Joe gasped at her, she had been doing so well.
“Joe..”
“Goddammit Casey.” And then the line went dead. Joe had actually hung up on her, and it made more tears spill from her eyes and she handed the phone back to Ben over his shoulder. She let out a loud sigh and dropped her chin onto the top of Ben’s head.
“Now he is pissed, so thanks for that, Joe’s friend.” She sighed loudly again.
Ben sighed with her, “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to do much right when it comes to you, can I?”
“We can start over tomorrow.” Casey yawned and dropped her head to Ben’s shoulder, her whiskey breath breezing across his neck and he repressed a shudder at the feeling. Within seconds, he could feel her breath even out as she started drifting off to sleep.
One last block and Ben was walking up the stairs to Joe’s apartment, tapping the door lightly with his foot. When the door was wrenched open quickly and Gwilym pulled Ben inside quickly. Joe stayed sitting on the couch but Lucy ran over quickly.
“Is she alright?” Lucy whispered to Ben as he kicked off his shoes by the door, allowing Gwilym to pull off Casey’s soaking wet sneakers with a grimace.
“I think she’s alright, she passed out a few minutes ago. Luce will you help get her into dry clothes? I think she would feel better if you did that?” Ben’s voice was pleading to Lucy, knowing that she was upset with him but that she loved Casey. She nodded tightly, eyes not breaking away from his.
“Let me give you a hand, carry her over to the couch.” Gwilym instructed, pointing to where Joe was sitting.
Ben shook his head gently, “She can have the spare room, I’ll be on the couch tonight.”
“To the back room, then.” Gwil nodded with a small smile, following behind the two as they walked down the short hallway.
Once in the darkened room, Lucy turned on a small lamp and Gwilym put one arm behind Casey’s back and put on on her head as Ben crouched down until her behind was on the edge of the bed and unwrapped her arms from around his neck. Casey made small noises that Ben shushed away softly. Pulling the hat from her head, Gwilym brushed a stray hair from her face. “Lucy, all you now.” Ben whispered backing out of the room, Gwilym close behind.
After the phone call, Lucy had taken a cab back to her house to get clothes for Casey, knowing that she would be soaked to the bone. When she grabbed the stack of thick warm pajamas and walked over to where Casey slept, she spoke softly. “Casey? Honey? I don’t know if you can hear me babe, but it’s just me, Lucy.” She ghosted her hand over the sleeping woman’s face gently. “Please don’t be afraid sweetheart, I’m just going to change you into some clean warm clothes, ok?” Casey made a small noise, to which Lucy assumed was compliance. She assumed right because Casey moved slightly just enough to assist Lucy in her re-dressing. When she pulled back the covers, Casey rolled right into the open spot and burrowed into the pillow. Lucy gave her a small smile and ran her hand over the woman’s cheek again. “Goodnight, love.”
“Joe, come on. You saw her, she’s not in a good spot right now.” Ben pleaded to the man, but Joe had his hands crossed over his chest.
“And who’s fault is that.” Joe grumbled back, not making eye contact with his friend.
“Yes, Joe, I know. I fucked up, ok? But I found her and she’s safe now, isn’t that what matters right now?” Ben threw his hands in the air, careful to not raise his voice too loud. Joe on the other hand, seemed to have no qualms about it.
“No, Ben. You don’t know. You have no fucking clue.” through gritted teeth, Joe stood up, showing his height difference with the blond man. “You can’t begin to imagine how badly you’ve fucked up this time.” His voice got louder and Gwilym stood up raising his hand. “DON’T!” Joe’s gaze flickered to Gwil, who put his hands up in defense. “Everything that happened today is YOUR FAULT!” Joe screamed at Ben and everyone turned quickly when they heard a whimper coming from the hallway.
“Casey.” Gwilym breathed out, rubbing his hand over his face before rushing to the girl.
“Oh fuck, Case..” Joe started to take a step towards her, and his heart shattered into pieces when she flinched away, cowering behind Gwilym’s tall frame. “Oh, Casey, no. Please. You know I wouldn’t hurt you.” Joe’s voice broke at the look his best friend was giving him. He had scared her. “Casey..” He breathed out and reached for her again, she still pulled away.
“It’s not his fault.” She whispered, so softly. Everyone in the room was silent and Ben’s head picked up quickly at the sound of her small voice. His heart hurt for everything that he has caused, she was being kind when she said it wasn’t his fault, of course it was his fault. “It’s John’s fault. He took away my voice for so long that I couldn’t stand up for myself this morning.” She sniffled slightly, Gwilym’s hand rubbing her shoulders gently. “I don’t blame Ben.”
Ben smiled instantly at his name falling from her lips. This was the first time she had said it all evening.
“Do you want some tea, love?” Lucy stepped towards her, putting her hand on the girl’s shoulder, earning a soft smile from her. “How about I start you a nice shower and Gwilym and Ben can start your tea?” Lucy looked at the boys and they all nodded knowingly. Give them space, her look read.
Casey nodded and the three of them left the room, leaving Joe and Casey together. “Casey-” Joe started but was cut off when she ran to him quickly and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Case, I’m so sorry.” He wrapped his arms around her small frame. “So fucking sorry.”
“It’ll be alright Joe.” She whispered into his chest. “I have a question..” Barely lifting her head off of his chest.
“Of course you can stay here, Casey.” Joe answered her question before she could even ask, earning a giggle from the woman. “As long as you want.”
-
Two Years Later
“Casey, come on! We gotta get going, love!” A voice shouted from the kitchen, filling up two travel mugs of hot coffee.
“Be right out!” Casey hollered back through the closed bathroom door. “Alright now, love, I need you to be on your best behavior today, ok?” Casey smiled down at her daughter who was standing on the closed toilet lid, Casey’s hands wrapping tiny rubber bands in the child’s hair. “Sophia, I mean it,” She scolded lightly, seeing the grin on her daughter’s face. “Best behavior, and maybe you get a treat when we get home.” Casey raised her head in a challenge.
“I promith, momma.” Sophie smiled at her mother. Two missing front teeth had caused a pretty intense lisp and Casey couldn’t help but laugh. Putting the last band in the blonde hair, she kissed the top of the girls head as she patted her backside lightly.
“Down you go little one.” Sophie looked up at her mother, still standing on the toilet lid, raising her arms to her. “Momma’s back is hurting real bad today, baby, just jump down.” Casey rubbed her hand on her lower back, arching slightly with a groan.
Sophie jumped down with a sigh and looked up again. “Is brother punching you again?” Her small hand found itself rubbing at Casey’s swollen stomach. Casey put her hand over Sophie’s and smiled down at her with a nod.
“Kicking, sweetheart, and yes he is. Your brother is very active today.”
“Be nice to mommy, brother!” Sophie shouted at the large bump. “No more kicking momma!”
Casey laughed at her fondly, patting her head. “All better, thank you baby.”
“Thank goodness we are having a boy,” Joe spoke from the doorway, “You two already take so long to get ready.” He smiled at them both. “People will start telling us to get there earlier just so we will be on time.” Sophie stuck her tongue out at the man and he did the same back, earning a giggle.
“Be nice to mommy, daddy.” She repeated the same words, looking at Joe with a little smirk. Casey’s heart soared at the word. The past few months, Sophie had slipped up a few times and called Joe dad or daddy, but now it seemed she was doing it more and more, maybe even on purpose.
Since the night Ben carried her to Joe’s, Casey has lived here. Joe told her that she could stay for as long as she wanted, and she wanted to stay forever. It was just over a year ago, the first time that Joe and Casey had spoken of the growing feelings. Casey was the one to lean over and quickly leave a kiss on Joe’s surprised mouth, but after that, they both jumped in feet first. Joe had helped Casey get another hearing for custody and now with a steady place to stay, and a brand new job, Sophie was taken away from her father’s abusive grips and placed lovingly into the spare room. Joe had gone overboard with decorating for the child, but seeing the look on Sophie’s face when she saw her new bedroom, was worth every cent.
Seven months ago, Casey called Joe and encouraged him to come home as soon as possible, and fearing the worst, Joe had sped home quickly. When he burst through the door, Casey was on him in seconds, arms wrapped around his neck. At his insistence, she breathlessly handed Joe a small white plastic stick. Two little pink lines could be seen through the small window. Joe stared at the piece of plastic for what seemed like forever, face unreadable, and Casey started to worry, but when his eyes flicked back to meet hers, his lips pulled back into a grin.
“We’re gonna have a baby?” He asked her softly.
“We’re gonna have a baby!” She squealed.
They quickly started looking for a new home for their growing family, but having no luck, they had decided to just set up the crib in their bedroom, fully put together and filled to the brim with the gifts that had already been piled on by their friends. Ben and Casey had quickly become friends, and Ben doted on his new ‘niece’ shamelessly, and Sophie loved every second of it. She knew that he would also spoil the new baby and the thought of it made her smile. Had it not been for that terrible day, so long ago, Casey would have had such a different life.
It was all Ben’s fault.
~x
#joe mazzello x reader#joe mazzello#ben hardy#gwilym lee#lucy boynton#my writing#not my gif#borhap#bohemian rhapsody#borhap boys#borhap fanfiction#joe mazzello fanfiction#ben hardy fanfiction#OC#joe mazzello x oc
53 notes
·
View notes
Note
omg please talk abt your vigilante au i LOVE vigilante au
OH LORD okay
im 8k into a fic where izuku accidentally makes a deal with the fae and more or less drops through the cracks of reality. He still exists but not in the conventional sense. For a little bit he’s just kinda existing, because what the hell else is he supposed to do?
then one day he almost gets killed in a hero fight and meets another one of the fae. he makes another deal with this one, this time knowingly, and realizes that he has an unparalleled advantage ability to gather information. from this point on he becomes UA’s informant in the league of villains, all the while navigating the tricky world of the fae. meanwhile, aizawa slowly falls into the world of this strange informant. once he realizes what the hell is going on, he does his absolute best to help this poor kid.
im really excited!! im hoping to post it as a long oneshot, i don’t want to get too crazy with it. it’s just a fun little idea im running with for as long as itll take me
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
Jikook/Kookmin Fic Rec Part 1
(Part 2 Here)
I’ve slowly been building up my list of KM fics and thought I might as well share them with the rest of the Tumblr-sphere (and organize them all because if the rest of my life is a mess, at least my fav fics can be orderly amirite)! I’m somewhat new to BTS and KM so it’s not too big a list, but I’m going to be updating this as I find more that I enjoy :) Happy Reading!
(most of these are probs old fics because like i said IM NEW HERE IM SO SORRY, but i hope you still find it helpful idk man)
Mostly Fluffy Fics
you are the ruler of the stars (and my heart) by cygnus (sunsprite) | Words: 18k | Jimin reluctantly joins his college’s Space and Astronomy club on the basis of Taehyung’s persuasion. Surrounded by a group of unnecessarily tall space nerds, he unexpectedly finds himself falling in love with one of them.
OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO CUTE. One of my fav fluffy fics to be honest. I was squealing basically the whole time i was reading. love.
i’ll stick to you like glue-cose by cygnus (sunsprite) | Words: 7k | Jimin merely wanted to study in peace, yet a certain five-foot ten frat boy -- unfortunately also a past hookup -- that epitomizes the very definition of smugness in one entire body whose ego is as big and full-scaled as the national debt, won’t let him.
Another super cute fluffy fic!!! i just found this author and the fluff is just so amazingly written and not cliche at all and ugh. JK acts like he’s all suave but he’s really just a big softie and AH.
friday nights (with you) by kstorms | Words: 24k | How a random night at a karaoke bar leaves Jimin with two new friends and a frowny, terribly handsome crush.
Anther classic tbh. I think I’ve read this through like four or five times bc i have literally no life and enjoy this VERY well written humor. There’s like zero angst in this and it’s all mostly Taehyung being a very cute little shit to JK (KM is there obvs and they super cute but ya know). Def a must read.
competency at its highest potency by MauveTarte | Words: 10k | State-Sponsored Runs are the excitement of every Alpha and Omega youth.
Or,
Jimin has one final chance at this bonding thing before his life goes to shit.
the one and only ABO fic i’ve read with NO SMUT. that’s right, ya heathens! this one is solely plot driven (and super fluffy). It’s cute af and Taehyung is an amazing friend :)
(my heart beats) for you by sabotagemyheart | Words: 17k | In which Jungkook, as a child, befriends the exceptionally adorable, small and friendless Jimin, not knowing that after a few years, he’ll be wrecking this very boy underneath himself making him whimper out his name.
okay LISTEnn. This summary makes this fic sound a lot dirtier than it is (ok yes it’s smutty BUT there’s more fluff in this than anything else. its so so so cute.)
Mostly Smutty Fics
Studio 2 by Charmander | Words: 20k WIP | Somewhere along the way, Jimin lost that passion he used to pour into his art, watching as it slipped through his very fingers. But street kid Jungkook is all heart and soul, and he’s more than willing to help Jimin learn to burn with the same fire he carries inside himself.
okay so this one is very plot heavy (as is most of Charmander’s fics) so don’t think you’re getting JUST smut. it has an amazing storyline about sexuality struggles and i think a lot of you would enjoy it! (the smut is bomb af tho sooo)
Starstruck by SugaTheTurtle | Words: 5k | Everyone is attracted to idols at one point or another. As part of Big Hit’s staff, Jimin really shouldn’t still be as attracted to Jungkook as he was at the beginning. Maybe if he wasn’t he wouldn’t be stuck hiding inside a closet in his dressing room silently praying that the idol was reaching for the zipper on his pants to change into something more comfortable.
ALRIGHTY HERE WE GO LADIES AND GENTS. This is for all you kinky fuckers out there who love pure smut. It was very interesting at first but as it progressed i was like whoaoaa i need some holy water. this fic is the epitome of “well, that escalated quickly” (but it’s still not rushed ??? which like...how?) enjoy! lmao.
Interlude by Bunbungee | Words: 9k | Jungkook has fallen in love at first listen with Jimin’s interlude and he won’t stop until he finds out why he is reacting so strongly to it. His search for answers takes a new turn when, one night, he discovers just how much the song can affect him.
Okay this was smutty, but still SUPER CUTE bc jeon is his typical shy bunny self who’s super oblivious and jimin is just a sweetheart. looooove.
Wet Depths by WorldwideWriter | Words: 10k | All it takes for Jungkook to break is a slightly unfair swimming competition and a too seductive Jimin.
GIVE ME ALL THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS FICS hell yes. I love their dynamic in this one, they hate each other (but they really don’t lol like come on.) and the sexual tension is insane.
everybody’s watching him, but he’s looking at you by jonghyunslisterine | Words: 6k| In which Jimin formulates a three-step plan to get the hot bouncer to notice him. (Spoiler: it doesn’t go quite as expected.)
okay this is smutty but also super cute so like idk where to put it but jimin wears a thong in it so i think the smut category will suffice. a quick read but so worth it, JK is a lowkey sweetheart.
Blood & Chocolate by MyHope (CutesyMe) | Words: 35k | “What if I only want you to sit on my lap?” the stranger asks, which is an odd request. People always want Jimin to dance for them. Only sometimes do they ask of him to just sit on their lap but event hen he has to move in some way and not just sit still.
“Same price,” Jimin retorts.
Jungkook spreads his legs slightly and motions to his lap as if it’s the best seat that has ever been offered to Jimin. “Be my guest.”
so i don’t really know what to say here but i loved their dynamic in this fic?? i love the way JK treats JM in this ahhhh its SMUTTY AF but he still super sweet and protective. There’s sooooome angst but it’s not too bad. Good plot.
New Heights by Charmander | Words 11k| There’s no better way to remind yourself that you’re alive than tempting fate from 700 meters above the ground and the searing touch of another’s fingers dragging down your chest.
1000% my favorite smut fic out there. the dialogue written in this fic is so well-done and absolutely hilarious. Sexual tension is CRAZY. love his fics.
give in to the game by cherrygloss | Words: 23k | “Jimin, if you honestly think that I’m going to pretend to be your boyfriend so you can make your ex jealous, then you’re out of your mind.”
im s oRRY, i know this is mostly smut aljfdlkaldfj my thirsty ass has bookmarked so many smut fics but i can’t help it oof. but this is super cute smut with some feeliins.
Nu ABO: A Memoir by Park Jimin by decompositionbooks | Words: 34k | The world didn’t think it was necessary to give him a guide when it shoved all of these omega hormones at him, so here it is, Park Jimin’s handbook to dealing with heats, unrequited love, and Jeon Jungkook.
WOOH another classic! I live for jealous/protective!JK idk its just super cute. my fav ABO fic!!
two sides; same story by namjoone | Words: 12k | Okay, so maybe Jimin thinks his neighbor is hot.
A little.
Okay, maybe a lot.
haha ohhhh man i love mutual pining. they’re both totally dumb at the beginning of this and i live for it. also some hoottttttt ass smut. (bc i need jesus at this point)
Not a Girl by PinkBTS | Words: 8k | Jeongguk isn’t sure what he did in his previous life to deserve this but he probably screwed up big time...he’s kinda grateful though.
A story about Santa, assumptions and thick-rimmed glasses.
AHHHHH this is so funny and awkward and hot and EVERYTHING. I live for frat!bangtan with my whole heart.
Downpour by kikistiel (Kikai) | Words: 15k | Jimin doesn’t know what it is. But now, he’s not sure he’s ready for summer to be over just yet.
IM SCREAMING. This was almost poetically good (aka A+ writing oh my gerrrd). It’s kinda angsty too like a bit but its also so sweet i love it :( go read pls.
How to Seduce Your Dance Teacher by Jeon Jungkook by soranosuzu | Words: 5k | Currently there are a million thoughts racing through Jungkook’s brain, but two very prominent ones finally beat their way to the forefront of his mind. First, Jimin is hot as hell and Jungkook needs to find a way to get into his pants. Second (and maybe slightly more urgent than the first), Jungkook needs to find a way to prevent himself from popping a boner every time Jimin does that in the future and, more importantly, right now.
(aka AU in which Jungkook devises a plan to seduce his ridiculously hot dance teacher Jimin)
HELLL YEAH. that is all.
i like how desperate you seem (in the way you look at me) by fatal (cumrich) | Words: 71k WIP | Packs merge all the time. It’s survival, Jimin knows that, but what he’s not prepared for is the attention he’s getting from a certain Jeon Jungkook, the alpha’s son.
yeeesss we got some more ABO up in this biiiiihhcc. It’s not done yet, but i strongly urge you to read!! so goooood and the smut is A1.
Mostly Angst
The Bet by jonghyunslisterine | Words: 46k | Where Jeon Jungkook makes a bet that he can get the notoriously single Park Jimin to sleep with him by the end of the semester.
Needless to say, things don’t go exactly as planned.
Yes i had to include this lovely classic :) Still one of my favs and probably always will be *shrug*. I’m not usually an angst person but this is like the perfect dosage for me to handle lol. If you haven’t read it yet, what are you doing with your life honestly go do it lmao.
lost stars by pjungkook | Words: 25k | Park Jimin has another maknae in his life and Jeon Jungkook is completely losing it.
have you ever felt like your heart was being smushed under an eighteen wheeler and your chest was caving in? Yeah that was me during this fic. But it’s sososo good and i promise there’s still fluff (i cannot live through angst without fluff) so READ.
Falling for you again by Rose_gold715 | Words: 30k | Jungkook loses all memory of the last five years of his life.
Jimin is scared he will never love him again.
wow okay so this one was a tear-jerker. you sympathize with both JK and JM but you’re also sort of frustrated with them at the same time?? soso good, definitely give it a read.
serendipity (none of this is a coincidence) by nclnns | Words: 30k | Jimin feels like crying.
Because the boy -- Jeon Jungkook as he had learnt a week ago -- is the exact opposite of Jimin.
And he’s the person Jimin’s boyfriend has been cheating on him with.
or
In which Jimin finds out that Taehyung is cheating on him with a boy named Jeon Jungkook and in the quest to understand what went wrong, he ends up falling in love with said boy.
so i haven’t read this one in a few months but i remember it being one of the first KM fics i had ever bookmarked, so it must have hit me in some way. JK is a sweetie though from what i remember.
On Patrol by Ragi | Words: 129k| Officer Jeon has his eyes on Mr. Adorable. Officer Min has a strange neighbor he can’t seem to keep out of his life. Captain Kim finds comfort in his son’s homeroom teacher.
Well, cops need some loving too, right?
Okay so this isn’t like suuuuper angsty but it’s also not smutty nor super fluffy either??? So idk where to put it but i think angst fits this most. I also laughed quite a bit during this so it has humor!! Tae is also like an 8 year-old kid LDJAFODJOA (ft. Sope and Namjin)
we’re not broken just bent by calipha | Words 16k | “You’ll die,” Jimin hisses and they’re so close now that his perfect illusion is broken. Jungkook can see his dark circles, can see Jimin’s lips, red and raw from biting.
“I did almost die in this house once, five years ago,” he whispers, watching as Jimin clenches his jaw but doesn’t look away. “I think I can handle more. I’m bigger and stronger now, see?” Jimin holds his gaze for two seconds before it tracks south to move down Jungkook’s body.
MY HARRY POTTER LOVIN ASS IS VERY SATISFIED. jimin is just a misunderstood bb and jungkook is trying SO HARD not to pine ajweklfkldf.
525 notes
·
View notes
Text
rejected.
I have felt sad since Saturday night. I don’t want to say depressed. That’s too clinical. But I can’t shake it off this time. I cried a lot. That’s supposed to help but it didn’t. I am sad because of the procrastination and the lack of motivation in me. Where did my work ethic and ambition go? Is this burn out? What the fuck am I so burned out for? I am smart and passionate, why can’t I channel it?
Plus the fear. I am so scared that companies will reject me. It’s such an exhausting and mentally draining process. The moment I start applying, it will become real. It’s easy now because I can say I haven’t tried. But once I start? There won’t a response, or I will get dropped after the 1st interview. Or the 2nd. or I get ghosted at the final stage. LinkedIn says, we just need that #oneyes. I need to know when mine will come. How many rejections or dead ends will I have to hit before I get the perfect job? In the meantime, more time is getting wasted. My career is going no where and Im already half way through 25. I am where fellow 22 year olds are. I am disappointed. I am a disappointment.
But this isn’t all. I don’t cry for one thing, or even two. I am homesick I think. I have almost run out of mom’s food. So it’s hitting me now she’s gone. No she’s not dead, just lives 8k miles away. I hate I can’t talk to her about quitting my job. I feel alone for that reason.
And finally. Men. Boys. Awful creatures. I have never felt so rejected by them. My confidence is shaken. They all had a great time with me. I know it. then wthat the hell happened?? What did I do so wrong? Logan didn’t even meet me. But we talked non stop for 3 days. We texted from 11 pm to 3 am the day we matched. Steven seemed so into me. What happened after the 2nd date? Why don’t I deserve to know? And then the 13.5 hr date with Adam. He said “this is such a great day”. Okay maybe the night was too much. But he didn’t have to come. He could have said he’s uncomfortable. He could have insisted on going home. Am I a mindreader on day 1? And even so, the fact that he chose to focus on the bad 3 hrs and not the amazing first 10 hrs is astounding. I give a 2nd chance to even bad first dates. Yet I was so dismissable to all these guys. I know I have an amazing personality. I am energetic, fun, confident, funny. Maybe that’s too much. I considered toning it down on first dates. But mt horoscope came at me literally 2 days later and said “DON’T WATER DOWN YOUR PERSONALITY FOR ANYONE”. It was creepy, but right? Anyway, I am taking a break from dating, but I get more hopeless every day. The sitcoms and the Bollywood movies only make it worse.
1 note
·
View note
Text
I got tagged by @happyisahabit, a space fool, a pumpernickel, a baker who has yet to give me baked goods, please give me a cupcake
1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?
because anabell is love and anabell is life
2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/favorites, follows/subscriptions, visitor hits, kudos)
uh... good question
seems like Fleeting has the most reviews and faves with a STAGGERING 26 reviews HAHAHAH
3. What is your FFnNet/AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?
@xwynn sheds a tear every time but i goddamn love it
4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?
Yeah dude @fluffypuppy77 and @quantamtheory1 for sure, something about seeing them warms my heart tbh. and then those i can’t find on tumblr but are active on ffnet are “Whispered Winters” and “8YearsOfMaka”
5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?
i’ll be real, i haven’t read much fanfiction lately, but if you force me to put a name on something then i’d say any of @happyisahabit‘s works
6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?
they’re pretty much outdated and irrelevant now
7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?
mythology, fantasy, supernatural, fae, witchy, magical; because i always return to my roots
8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)
listen, im thankful the maker of this ask game put where you can find it, but i can’t be arsed to check xD
5 mins later: i found it, but look im so pleased
Total views to Profile Page : 1,881
that’s a beautiful number. a really good number. a mirrored, symmetrical number. i like that shit. NO ONE ELSE VIEW MY PROFILE FROM NOW ON. IF THAT NUMBER CHANGES I’LL CRY.
9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)
I’ve always wanted to write obiyuki or like z.//e-ki or rusa the og ship id die for, but, one is too old shit, two im not quite there with character understanding and world competence yet but soon i’ll show up, and three the fandom is crazy and i wouldn’t touch it with a 10 meter pole. guess which.
10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.
to echo liz, FINISHING MY WIPS???? and also writing cute smooches would be cool tho, but im too busy writing angst for that
11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?
i feel attacked by question eleven and i don’t like it’s tone.
12. How many stories have you posted on FFNet/AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?
69 stories on ffnet :) hehehehehehehehehe 69. + 1 cuz i posted one more a couple of days ago. i think there’s a disproportionate amount of unfinished fics to finished fics there too. it’s like schrodinger's cat at this point to my poor subcribers: am i gunna post a new fic or update an old one? if i don’t post you’ll never find out
@rebornfromash look hehehe 69
13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?
don’t.
14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?
i have sticky notes, note cards, notebooks, dump docs on both google drive and word doc and notes on the iphone, slipped pieces of papers jammed into books, and friends who i just burst in and go “hi i have an idea and im going to use the ctrl f function to document my shit”
if i keep it solely in my head then it becomes lost and no longer a concept
15. Have you ever co-authored a story?
yes i have :) good stories, better partners
16. How did you discover FFNet/AO3?
i think my very first time i ever went on the site was caused by @roni-westbrook, a dramione fic called harmony
17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on FFNet/AO3?
nah
18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?
Thirsty Monsters From The Loch. Sip Sip Bish.
19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?
one day i took at look at myself, and i went, “are you ready to truly become fandom trash?” and an answer came almost immediately, “hell yeah”
20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?
Write. For. Your. Self.
i can’t say that enough because if you decide to let your audience dictate what you write and how well you write and how you feel about your writing due to the lack of reception or lots, you’re just entering a world of hurt. one day you may feel great about your writing because you got over a hundred notes, only to realize that you get at most about 30 for a popular ship and good idea sometimes and can’t figure out why. one day you may feel fabulous about your fic you worked hard on and love what youve done with it, only to see no one else cared. i’ve seen so many friends in pain from this, and i know that pity reblogs and reviews from me are only going to solve a problem in the moment and not in the long run.
you gotta be your own number one fan, realize who youre writing for and why youre writing. and alternatively if you write something for just a remote group of friends or even just one person as a gift, then please realize that their response and reaction will mean more to you than hundreds of others who simply stumbled upon it. ok?
21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?
i plot the skeleton most of the time, but then let the writing dictate where it’s going to go next. yeah you heard it here folks, my plot writes itself, because that’s how you get a realistic and non forced narrative
22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?
wow have y’all ever read that shit fic from 2015 that people took way too seriously? but that’s really it, im truly lucky
23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)
A C T I O N
24. What story(s) are you working on now?
this is a call out post and i don’t like this.
25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?
number twenty four and number twenty five are conspiring against me and i feel attacked
26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?
Absolutely not because I either do 8K in a night or 10 words in a month and there’s zero ground inbetween
27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?
both yes and no because i’m extremely lucky to have been able to have a great running start in 2015, but i think i plateaued as an author in terms of quality
28. What is your favorite story(s) that you’ve written?
Fleeting is still by far my favorite story because not only is @captainpomelo a great person to work with but also i still think about it to this day, my goal for 2018 is to finish it
29. What is your least favorite story(s) that you’ve written?
shit.fic.of.2015.
30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?
like, better, hopefully
31. What is the easiest thing about writing?
lyrical writing esp when it’s 3 am and im listening to “i will survive” on repeat
32. What is the hardest thing about writing?
not writing passive voice
33. Why do you write?
it looked fun, and boy was i wrong. it’s suffering.
Lemme get those tags in shout out to everyone previously tagged plus @lucyrne @sabraeal @ilarual @sahdah @fullmetalgrigori
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
puzzle; 2 (m)
➜ you and jungkook are best friends of a lifetime, even though your personalities are like unmatching pieces of a puzzle. the line between friendship and something more has never been crossed between you two - but that changes after a break up and a drunken night, when you not-so-accidentally cross this line to something much more. what happens when after this accident your unmatching puzzle pieces seem to match in a way you’ve never imagined?
pairing: jungkook x (f) reader
genre: smut, angst, comedy; friends with benefits au; college au
warnings: lots of swearing, mentions of alcohol, semi-public sex (?), masturbation (f&m receiving), dirty talk
word count: 8k
A/N: i said i wouldn’t update puzzle so soon but here it is kskjksjsks actually this chapter was already finished a long time ago, and since a looot of you asked for part 2 i decided to post it. anyways, if you’re interested in a part 3 let me know! i love talking to y’all. enjoy uwu
➜ Chapters: check up masterlist in bio!
« playlist »
Seulgi is immediately in front of you the moment you close the door. And it looks like she’s about to kill you.
“What the hell, Y/N? Do you have any idea of how worried I was?! You could’ve just called me or-” Seulgi suddenly interrupts herself when you turn around to face her, as if words got completely caught on her throat, and her expression turns from an angry one to a shocked one. “Oh.”
She’s staring at your neck.
You frown and hurry to the mirror placed on the living room.
Your eyes snap wide.
If Jungkook had one big hickey on his neck, you have a trail of these – purplish marks coming from the base of your jaw and down your neck, and for what it looks like, the trail goes down to your breasts.
“Oh.” you gasp just like her, gulping.
I was walking on the street with these at sight?! And Jungkook didn’t even bother pointing them out!
At this moment, you feel angrier than flustered.
“Well, I was about to beat you up, but for what it looks like you really didn’t have time to answer my messages and calls,” Seulgi says mischievously, quirking one perfect eyebrow. “Looks like your night was busy.”
You let a defeated sigh and throw yourself on the couch. Your body still hurts, your head aches like hell and you feel very tired, even though you’ve just woken up. Seulgi appears in front of you, handing you a pill of advil and a cup of water. She doesn’t even need to ask if you’re hungover or not; just by looking at the pain in your face and the melted make up, it’s obvious.
“Thanks,” you mumble and drink the medicine with a scowl. “You look fine.”
Seulgi sighs and sits on the armchair, turning the TV on (thankfully) in low volume. It’s obvious that she already took a shower, wears clean baggy clothes, and has her hair tied up. The only indication she also drank too much past night is her slightly swollen face, but she somehow still looks pretty.
“I don’t know how, but I managed to get home by myself at, like, 5AM. I woke up thrown in the carpet.” You smile, imagining the sight of a wasted Seulgi laying on the ground. “But I just noticed you weren’t home at midday. Seriously, Y/N. Don’t do this again. You almost killed me.”
“I’m sorry,” and you’re actually sorry, guilty hitting you. You and Seulgi have a strict rule: it doesn’t matter where you’re going or with who, whenever you go out (especially at a party) you must at least send a message to each other. As you unlock your phone and scroll through the hundreds of messages Seulgi sent, you notice she didn’t break the rule:
[4:37 AM] bby bear: im goin g huom,,e 🙂
“Gosh, I got really wasted,” you mumble, caressing your own forehead.
“I know. You were worse than me. Not that I’m in position to judge you.” she lifts her legs close to her chest. “Anyway, back on topic: it seems that your night was really fun. Who was the guy? Do you at least know him?”
She gives you a suggestive grin and you cringe. You and Seulgi are very close (she’s your closest female friend), so you already have the intimacy to tell each other dirty details. You’re used to tell her things you couldn’t tell Jungkook for obvious reasons (you may be best friends but you have the decency not to talk to him about your sexual life).
But now, honestly, you don’t want to talk about it. You don’t know yet how you feel about the whole situation. Besides, Jungkook made it clear: let’s forget this happened. He’ll probably feel embarrassed if you share this with Seulgi – at the same time you hope he won’t mention the subject with Jimin.
“What? Was it bad?”, Seulgi questions, her brows furrowing. “Don’t tell me you didn’t want to...”
“Huh? Gosh, no,” you’re quick to brush off her worries. “It was... it was good.”
Flashes from what happened last night comes back to you and you immediately feel your cheeks go hot.
“It was beyond good, to be honest,” you confess.
And that’s precisely what was shocking you.
Not even once in your life you imagined having sex with Jungkook would be this good. In fact, you didn’t even imagine this would ever happen between you two, and you never spent much time wondering how Jungkook is in bed. People usually don’t ask themselves how their siblings fuck and that’s exactly what you thought of him.
The only time you seriously considered it was back at first year of high school, when you decided that being virgin at that age was a shame and proposed – half serious and half joking – to lose your virginities with each other, since you were best friends and all and you assumed it wouldn’t be so awkward and embarrassing to have sex with him. But then Jungkook seemed about to have a panic attack and you quickly dismissed the proposal as a complete joke, making a fool of him.
It’s funny to think how wrong you were. Because you’ve never been so embarrassed about having a sex night in your whole life.
“Was it really that good? Because you look disgusted,” Seulgi points out, narrowing her eyes.
“I’m not disgusted, it’s just that...” you try to find the right words, shaking your head. “It was surprisingly too good and I don’t know how to deal with it.”
“Please define ’surprisingly’.”
“It was amazing, okay?” you say, starting to get exasperated at her interrogation. “Mind blowing sex.”
“Ah. It must’ve been really mind blowing, because you’re acting weird right now. Never seen you after a hook up like this. Maybe the sex was so good your mind isn’t working anymore?”
“Yeah, probably,” you mumble, sighing and closing your eyes.
“Who was the dude, anyway? Do you know him from somewhere or it’s a complete stranger?”
You take some moments to answer. You don’t like lying to your friend, but Jungkook’s voice is still echoing on your mind. Let’s just forget this happened. He sounded very firm on this. “I don’t know him. Never saw him at the campus either.”
Seulgi frowns. “And you didn’t even get his number or anything? We could check on Instagram, maybe we’ll find out more about him-”
“Hell no,” you interrupt her abruptly. “I don’t want anything with that guy.”
“Wait, why not?” she blinks, confused. “You just said you had mind blowing sex with him, why wouldn’t you want to know more about him or maybe meet him again?”
“Because I just broke up with Mike. I don’t want to get into a relationship or anything like that now. I’ll... just leave it as it is. Now men are simply my way of reaching pleasure.” And you can’t help but gulp. Mike. You hadn’t thought about the bastard until now, and you get mad at yourself when you feel a small pang in your heart as you mention his name.
“Alright, then,” Seulgi sighs, but she’s still eyeing you suspiciously. After some moments, she speaks again: “By the way, have you heard of Jungkook? I didn’t see him leaving yesterday.”
The mention of his name gives you a similar reaction as when you said Mike. Only this time you don’t feel a pang, you feel a heat. And it’s not in your heart... it’s down there.
You want to slap yourself in the face.
“Yeah, we talked already,” you say scrolling your phone screen, avoiding her gaze and doing your best to sound unbothered. “He’s at home.”
“Hm. As far as I remember, he got pretty drunk too. That’s weird because he seemed annoyed at the beginning, didn’t he?” you just shrug at her statement.
Yes, he was very drunk – and just now you realize how dangerous that was. He drove all the way to his apartment, completely drunk. He could’ve get involved in a car accident. And it tells much about his state, because Jungkook’s not the type to be imprudent like this; he’s always very careful not to drink alcohol when he’s driving. You know that now, the poor boy’s probably torturing himself because of this. And not only that: you don’t remember seeing him wearing condoms at all. Both of you didn’t care about it. Fortunately you’re on the pill, but still – more imprudence.
You shut your eyes tightly. “I’ll never drink again.”
Seulgi chuckles lightly and shakes her head. “You always say this.”
“I’m serious this time. I’ll never drink again.” you throw your head back, only making Seulgi chuckle more.
“But you still had more luck than me,” she says, voice suddenly disappointed. “I was hoping I’d get some dick yesterday.”
“What? You’re into dicks now?” you side eye her and sees the girl roll her eyes. Annoying Seulgi is funny.
“I’m bi, you know it.”
“No, you’re not bisexual. You’re Irenesexual.”
You laugh when Seulgi makes a scowl and hides her face behind her hands. Irene is Seulgi’s girlfriend – well, ex-girlfriend now, as she so likes to say. To you it’s obvious that these two adore each other, but they always seem to find a reason to fight and break up, then make up, then fight and break up – the circle goes on. You already forgot how many times you saw it happening.
“Don’t talk about her, please... I don’t want to remember...” she says, her voice muffled.
You narrow your eyes at her, an evil smirk growing on your lips. “You called her, didn’t you? You called her drunk! And cried!”
Seulgi throws a cushion at you when you laugh loudly, even though your head hurts in the process. “Stop it, Y/N! That’s not funny!”
“Yes, it is!” you’re still laughing as you sit up, regretting being so loud since your head seems about to explode. “You two are so complicated. It’s funny.”
“It’s not funny to laugh at other’s suffering!”
You wave your hand dismissingly, heading to your bedroom. You’re aware you’re still smelling like alcohol, sweat and body fluids, and that’s disgusting. “Yeah, whatever. I’ll take a shower, okay? Don't call me unless extremely necessary. I want to sleep until I die.”
As you enter your room and start to take your clothes off, you notice something more. Beyond all the bad scents, there is one you find really pleasing.
It’s something between vanilla, milk and baby powder.
You close your eyes tightly. That son of a bitch smells like a baby. He smells like a baby, and he fucked me yesterday like the devil.
Why the idea makes your head spin like that?
You thought your friendship with Jungkook was unbreakable at this point.
But it seems you are wrong.
Monday comes. You’ve been preparing yourself psychologically to meet Jungkook the entire weekend; you didn’t talk properly from the moment you left his apartment, not even messaging each other. You couldn’t keep this forever. So you tried your best to take Jungkook’s advice and forget what happened, even though the memories kept hammering on your mind all the time.
You’d act as if nothing happened. You never had sex. Everything would go back to normal.
That’s not what happens when you finally meet him at the campus.
There’s a heavy, intense atmosphere the moment you see him. Your breathing hitches and your heartbeat increases. Jungkook barely looks at you, and you barely look at him.
And just like that, he enters his classroom without greeting you.
Things keep like that on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, and on Thursday. You don’t text each other. You don’t talk. You don’t even look at each other.
Now, you hate yourself. What if that hook up destroyed your friendship? What if things would never go back to what they were? What if your stupid, drunk state finally managed to mess up something important - and Jungkook’s friendship is indeed one of the most important things in your life.
And at the same time, you hate yourself even more because you can’t stop thinking about that night.
“Astonished” is probably the best word to describe how you feel whenever these memories hit you. Maybe your drunken mind simply blurred and distorted your memories, but the more you think about it, the more you reach the conclusion that that was the best sex you’ve ever experienced.
That’s saying a lot. You’re not a saint. You’ve had sex with plenty of people before.
And the thought that Jungkook (Jeon Jungkook!) managed to reach top 1 on your list is stunning to say the very least.
Being completely honest, Jungkook’s not like you. You doubt he had as much sexual partners as you did, and that’s because you two view sex in different ways. To you, it’s something normal and you don’t put much thought on it; it’s just a way to find pleasure and have fun. But you know Jungkook thinks differently. He never hooks up with random people because he sees sex as something serious, something he’d just do with someone he trusts and has feelings for. He's nice like that. Damn, Jungkook’s like a clean soul in the middle of this filthy world.
Since he’s the type that needs a special connection with the person he’s having sex with, you supposed he would be slow and romantic. The kind that intertwines his fingers around the other person’s and stuff like that. Good and old vanilla sex.
You didn’t expect him to be so... rough.
You can’t help but blush whenever you think about his behavior that night. Although you still can’t remember some parts properly, you do remember how he grabbed you so tightly, and how demanding he acted, and how he teased you, and all the dirty, filthy things he said. Yet, Jungkook wasn’t the typical dominant after all: you’re not really the type to be submissive on bed and let the other do whatever they want, and it seemed to please him? Like he was challenging you to see who wins the battle.
Jungkook did that. The guy with a baby face who still uses baby cologne. The guy who spends days and nights playing Mario Kart and has a collection of Iron Man toys. The guy who stutters when he’s nervous. The bunny boy.
The guy with an angelic face who fucked you like he was a demon.
Jungkook did that.
You still can’t believe it. You hate yourself for thinking so much about it, and you hate yourself because you get horny every time you think about the whole situation. There you are, in the middle of a class, squeezing your thighs against one another while the professor lectures the class, just thinking about it, remembering his soft lips against your neck while his hands managed to rip your panties off and suddenly his fingers were playing with your insides and stretching you and-
The bell rings, indicating the end of the class.
You gulp and get up, taking your books. You barely took notes during the class.
“Hey, Y/N! Let’s go?” one of your classmates, Joy, asks waving at you. You have a huge project coming soon, what makes you and your group have meetings every Friday at the library after class. You nod and follow her, talking excitedly on your way. At least this project will distract your mind for now.
For the following hours it really does. You’re discussing, really into it. Everyone seems confident about what you’re planning. You don’t even notice time passing, nor how the sun disappears behind heavy clouds and suddenly it’s raining outside.
“It’s a storm,” one of your colleagues says as he prepares to leave.
“It looks like I’ll have to wait until the rain weakens,” you murmur, looking through the window with worried eyes. On Fridays you usually go home by bus (Seulgi has a car so she usually drives you home, but of course you don’t force her to wait for you until late hours). Half of the members of your group lives on dorms at the campus and the other half live far from your apartment, so there’s nothing anyone can do.
“Are you sure, Y/N? Don’t you want a ride home?” Joy asks, but you dismiss the offer politely:
“No, you live at the other side of the city. It’ll only burden you. Besides it’s already eight thirty, you should go home and rest. I’ll be fine.”
“Alright, but wait inside the building, okay? Don’t go outside there by yourself while it’s raining.”
You agree with her and they leave.
For good minutes you just sit there by yourself reading a book, completely immersed on it. The storm still falls angrily, thunders startling you from time to time, and the temperature decreases, what makes you regret wearing this short skirt. You’re wearing a turtleneck to hide the hickeys that didn’t disappear yet, but that’s not enough to make you feel warmer.
That’s when someone sits by your side suddenly, startling you.
Your face goes from shocked to a disgusted scowl in one second.
“Mike? What are you doing here?”
“Why didn’t you answer my messages?” he ignores your question harshly.
You narrow your eyes at him. Mike’s completely turned to you and there’s something about his expression you don’t like – not that you like anything about him at the moment. His presence here is strange. He didn’t show up the entire week; you hadn’t even heard of him, nor Jessica. But then he shows up like this. When you’re alone.
“Because I blocked you. Or you’re too stupid to realize it by yourself?”, you snap at him, anger and contempt very apparent on your voice. Just looking at his face makes your blood boil - at the same time you can’t help but feel a stinging pain. You decide to hold onto anger.
Mike gulps and runs a hand through his hair. You don’t miss how he’s shaking one of his legs impatiently. “Y/N, look, we need to talk.”
“No we don’t. There’s nothing to talk.” you’re already getting up and putting your backpack on your shoulder when Mike gets up too, imposing his height against you, and grabs your arm.
“We really need to talk,” he insists, inching closer to you. “Things can’t end this way, Y/N. Look, I know I messed up-”
“Messed up?” you cut him, staring at him with dull, incredulous eyes. “Mike, a person ‘mess up’ when they get late for a date or forget about a birthday. Cheating on me inside a dirty lab isn’t just ‘mess up’.”
He sighs. Why does he look so nervous?
And as much as you want to deny it, as much as you want to push that annoying voice inside your head, you still feel something odd when you see him in that state. The side of you that still cares about him.
You decide to hold onto anger even more.
“I-I know, okay? I fucked up. But listen, Jessica, she- she means nothing to me. I know I sound like a dick right now-”
“At least you recognize you do.”
Mike stops for some seconds and stares at you in silence. “I understand you’re angry and you have all the rights to be. I’m not even mad at what you did to us. B-But Y/N, listen... you’re so important to me. This entire week, all I’ve been doing is regretting what I did and crying-”
“Oh, you cried?! Congratulations! I feel so touched right now!” you’re yelling now. Yes, you know you’re inside a library, but you don’t care. “This sure shows how important I am to you. Answer me, were you wondering how important I am to you while you were between Jessica’s legs?!”
Mike’s grip on your arm tightens a bit. “There’s no need to scream, Y/N. I came here to talk, not to make another scandal-”
“I already said, Mike: we have nothing to talk about! Now leave or I’ll sure start another scandal right here!”
Your mind doesn’t understand what happens next.
In one moment, Mike is still holding your arm. In the other, he’s aggressively thrown to the ground.
And then there’s an angry Jungkook between you two.
“She told you to leave her!” he shouts, a venous anger obvious on his voice.
Mike’s confused for one moment, but then he’s getting up again and staring at Jungkook, his fists clenched. “Mind your business, Jeon. You have nothing to do with this!”
But Jungkook’s having none of it. He’s already pushing Mike backwards and the other guy almost falls again; you see the surprise in his eyes, as if he didn’t expect Jungkook to be this strong. Probably doesn’t know he works out, the stupid part of your brain remarks.
As much as you would enjoy seeing Mike get beaten up, you know Jungkook isn’t joking. He is very angry and this is getting serious. You don’t want him to get into trouble because of that bastard. But before you can intervene, there are already three security guards of the University and the librarian doing it for you.
“What’s going on here?” one of the guards demand, putting himself between the two angry men.
“He wasn’t letting her go!” Jungkook exclaims, pointing accusatively to Mike while the other is already stepping up to start a fight, but other guard holds him.
“What? I wasn’t hurting her. I just came here to talk!” he yells.
You want to go on Jungkook’s rescue, but the librarian acts before you can: “Hold on, you’re Mike Springer, aren’t you? You’re forbidden to enter the campus!”
Your eyes widen at this. It is probably the punishment the University gave him for running around naked. That’s why you didn’t see him this week. “You’re invited to leave the campus, or we’ll have to do it forcefully,” the guard says dully.
Mike frees himself from the guard’s grip aggressively. “Fine!” he yells. He looks at you for one moment, but then his gaze travels to Jungkook. If looks could kill, they’d be having a mortal battle. Mike finally turns around, being followed by two of the guards.
“What about him?” the third guard asks, gesticulating to Jungkook.
The librarian’s expression immediately softens. “He’s Jungkook. I doubt he would’ve done something like this unreasonably,” the old man states. It comes to you that being a good boy has its luxuries; professors and people like the librarian loves Jungkook, so he could get out of this with no punishments.
“Thank you, Mr. Garcia,” he says, nodding. It’s obvious he’s trying to make his voice go back to normal.
“But anyway, I'll ask you both to leave,” the guard says. “There's scandal enough for today.”
You finally realize you’ve gathered a small crowd of curious people who came after hearing the yells, the few who still hadn’t left the building. They’ll probably be talking about it tomorrow. Fuck it, you think.
Your mind goes blank when you feel Jungkook’s hand grabbing yours and then he’s leading you out of the library.
He’s walking one step ahead of you, so you can’t look at each other – but you feel he’s still trembling slightly. “I’ll take you home,” he says sharply.
“I-I could just take the bus,” you stutter, feeling terribly bad. Since when you stutter when talking to Jungkook? Since when you feel this small around him?
“With that guy around? No. I already said, he’s trash. I'll ride you home,” he gives you no space to protests.
You think he’ll just keep dragging you like that until you reach his car, but then suddenly Jungkook looks back at you and stops. He drops your hand and then he’s taking his black leather jacket off and handing it to you while he takes your backpack, putting it over his own shoulder.
“You look cold,” he says quietly.
You smile faintly and wear his oversized jacket properly. That’s so typical of him.
You both start walking again, side to side this time, and you don’t miss how he’s keeping a good distance. You feel desperate to initiate a conversation. You hate this weird atmosphere between you two; more than that, you’ve been missing him. It’s been one week since you don’t talk.
“Why are you still here in the campus?” you ask softly.
“Seulgi asked to look out for you,” he says without looking down at you. “She was worried about the storm and texted me asking to bring you home. It just happens I was still at the studio.”
“Oh,” you murmur. Of course it was Seulgi. After some moments of silence, you add: “Thanks, by the way. For what you did back there. Despite I think I could have handled it by myself.”
You see a faint smile on his lips and it warms your heart. Maybe things weren’t so messed up after all? “I said I would beat him up if I saw him.”
“Well, you didn’t technically...”
“If I see him around you again I will,” Jungkook says, voice dull and jaw clenched.
You shrug. “I wouldn’t mind at all.”
Back to silence.
The more you walk, the more the silence settles and condenses around you. The more you walk, the more you feel uncomfortable. The more you walk, the more you feel bad.
The dynamics between you two are – were – so different: if this happened one week ago, you’d be laughing loudly and joking with Jungkook’s face, saying how he played the protagonist of a cliché drama back there, and he’d say something like “I should’ve just left you with asshole” or “you should pay me for being your bodyguard.”
Not this unbearable silence.
You hate this.
You hate yourself more than anything. You hate yourself because you couldn’t help but feel sad when you saw Mike, when you should’ve forgot that asshole already. You hate yourself for letting your friendship with Jungkook reach this point.
And you hate yourself because unwanted memories keep coming back to your mind and you feel your breath hitch just by being close to him.
Finally, you reach the doors which lead to the parking lot. You both exit the building but stop under the awning; the rain’s still falling too heavily, lightnings brightening up the night sky, and you already feel raindrops watering your legs even though you’re still half protected from the rain.
“Don’t tell me it’s your car down there,” you whine.
“Yes it is. You know I always park it on that spot,” he answers and you groan again. There are only a few cars parked (people don’t usually stay at the campus until this late when it’s not finals period, and everyone probably ran as soon as they noticed the rain coming). And Jungkook’s car is parked at the far end of the lot, so far you can barely see it through the heavy rain.
You huff and reach for your backpack on his shoulder, taking a small umbrella. “Don’t think it’ll be of much use under this storm,” he remarks.
“It’s better than nothing.”
Jungkook opens it and puts his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close so you’re both under the umbrella. This kind of touch is not uncommon between you two – and that’s why you hate yourself even more when you feel a goosebump run through you when he touches you.
“Let’s go,” he says.
You start to run towards the car and Jungkook was right – the umbrella isn’t of much use. As you run, your steps splash more water over your legs and you immediately feel your socks and all stars get soaked. Jungkook pulls you even closer, it’s almost hard to walk. As soon as you reach his car and he unlocks it you launch yourself to the passenger seat, shutting the door right after.
Half of your legs are completely wet and you feel a wave of cold hit you. Jungkook is groaning, staring at his soaked jeans, apparently annoyed that his car is getting wet as well. He tsks. “The rain’s too heavy,” he murmurs.
“So what?” you quirk one eyebrow at him.
“It’s not safe to ride under a storm. I think it’s better if we wait some minutes,” he says, resting his back against the seat.
You gulp. “Alright.”
Silence.
As expected of him, actually. Jungkook’s very careful when driving. Also, just as you suspected, he’s probably guilty for riding drunk past week and is taking no more risks from now on.
More silence.
Your backpack is resting on your lap. You take your phone, unlocking it and checking whatever ugly picture your friends posted on Instagram, but not paying attention enough to it. Jungkook’s just staring at the window, not facing you. He’s clearly avoiding you in such a small space.
It’s as if the silence weights on your shoulders. You hate it. You hate it so much. It’s unbearable.
You lock your phone again and throw it inside the backpack, turning your face to him.
“How long are we gonna keep this?”
Jungkook looks at you slowly. Since he didn’t turn the car on it’s dark, but you can still see his face well, and how he quirks one eyebrow. “Keep this what?”
“This... this fucking situation,” you point between you and him with your finger, then cross your arms. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.” You didn’t intend to sound so upset, but you do.
Jungkook exhales and rests his head against the seat. “Y/N, please don’t...”
“Don’t what?! We can’t pretend it didn’t happen, Jungkook! That’s what we tried to do all this time, right? And it didn’t work!”
“And what do you want us to do? The situation’s already weird enough,” he snaps at you, starting to sound annoyed.
“We should... we should at least talk about it. We always talked about everything, right? That’s how we deal with things, and not acting like we don’t know each other anymore!”
“Maybe we don’t,” Jungkook suddenly says finally looking at you in the eye, and you don’t understand what he means. What’s that hidden on his gaze? Why do you feel he’s keeping something from you?
“Of course we still know each other. We just fucked once,” you say with a huff.
You see Jungkook closing his eyes in annoyance and he swipes his hand on his forehead. “Don’t talk like that.”
You stare at him in silence and can’t help but feel a little hurt. “But that’s what happened. We can’t erase it... it doesn’t matter how disgusting you think having sex with me is-”
“What the fuck, Y/N?!” Jungkook suddenly snaps. He’s looking at you again and seems shocked. “It wasn’t- you’re not-” he gulps, trying to calm himself down. “I don’t think you’re disgusting. I would never think something like this about you.”
And then he’s avoiding your gaze again.
Your heartbeat increases as a moment of silence lingers between you. “Then why are you avoiding me?”, you ask softly, more controlled this time.
“You’re avoiding me, too.”
“Yeah, you’re right, but... you’re not even looking at me right now.”
He still isn’t. “Y/N, look... it’s complicated, okay?”
“Then uncomplicate it!”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Tell me why’s so hard, then!”
“You know what? I think it’s time to go,” he says, obviously annoyed, and is already lifting his arms to hold the wheel and turn the car on.
That’s when you start to hate yourself even more for what you’re about to do.
In a swift movement, you drop your bag and lift yourself and suddenly you’re sitting on his lap before he can move – your legs at each side of him, your hands steadying yourself on his shoulders.
Jungkook’s eyes snap wide as he looks up to you, shocked. His body is completely frozen and tense. He’s holding his breath. You’re holding your breath, too.
“What- what are you-?” he stutters, blush creeping on his cheeks and ears.
“You weren’t looking at me,” you say under your breath. “I want you to look at me.”
Jungkook gulps, his Adam’s apple bobs. Your heart beats at a ridiculous rate. For some moments, none of you move. None of you say a thing. You just stare at each other’s eyes...
...until your gaze land on his lips.
They’re slightly parted. Pink and plump. You remember how it feels to have those lips against yours and you bite your own bottom lip.
“What are you doing?”, he asks, but his voice is barely audible. Almost as if he’s too shocked. Almost as if he’s scared.
You’re scared, too. But the want inside of you is greater than your fear.
“I just want to try something,” you whisper back, inching your face close to his.
Jungkook’s heart is beating way too fast. You notice how he’s not touching you, his hands completely lost in the air around your body. You’re inching closer. You also notice he’s not moving to stop you...
That’s because you don’t know, you have absolutely no idea of how weak Jungkook is for you. And even though he knows he shouldn’t - he knows it’s wrong – he's not strong enough to stop you. He doesn’t want you to stop.
When your faces are so close that your noses touch, you hear Jungkook whisper in a weak voice, and it sounds like he’s suffering: “Please don’t do this. Don’t do this to me...”
You don’t listen.
Your lips are touching.
At first, it’s just a peck – you barely make any pressure against his lips. You break apart for one second and kiss him again, tilting your head to the side so you have a better angle. Your lips are careful, hesitant, because you’re not sure if you should be doing this. But then you notice he’s moving his lips too, almost as timidly as you. You feel your confidence build up.
Your movements are still careful, but more determined this time as you deepen the kiss. Jungkook is giving you complete control of the situation; he lets you set the pace, following your lead. It gives you more confidence; your hands hold his neck, your breathing gets heavier. You hear Jungkook sigh into the kiss when your tongues touch, caressing and entangling on one another. You feel his muscles relax little by little, until his hands finally find their way and rest on your hips.
The kiss is deliciously slow. It’s just like you remembered – even better now, since you are completely sober this time. Wet kissing sounds fill the car, standing out over the storm outside.
You don’t really want to break apart, but you do.
You stare at each other again. Only this time you don’t see shock or fear on Jungkook’s half lidded eyes. His gaze darkened. There’s only one thing...
Desire.
When you lean to kiss him again, Jungkook leans too and your lips meet midway. The atmosphere changed completely; nobody’s hesitant or timid anymore. He’s kissing you harder, this time setting the pace. The kiss is hungrier. You feel his hands grip on your hips tighter and you close your arms around his neck. Suddenly one of his hands is entangled on your hair; there it is. The demanding behavior you remembered.
None of you feel cold anymore. In fact, you feel like sweating.
How can you feel this hot just by kissing someone? He barely touched you yet. Still, you soon feel that just kissing is not enough.
Jungkook catches your bottom lip between his teeth and you gasp. You move closer to him until your chests are touching, trying to erase any space existent between you two. His hands travel from your hips to squeeze your ass, earning a low moan from the back of your throat. You notice how he inhales.
“I missed hearing that,” he whispers somberly, his voice deep in lust. It gives you goosebumps. More than that... you’re slightly surprised. Jungkook thought about it too, he thought about your night. And for what it seems... he enjoyed it just as much as you did.
It makes you grin and smash your lips against his once more.
Jungkook grunts on the kiss as he feels you pressing your clothed core against his, and you feel his growing erection under the jeans. You do it once more. And again. You just want to show him exactly what you want, but the sensation is pleasing.
He seems to catch the message quickly; one of his hands goes under your skirt and he squeezes your ass again. His other hand is caressing your thigh, earning you goosebumps. You giggle under your breath.
“This is so wrong,” you say. Jungkook quirks one eyebrow at you, your excitement growing as you feel his hand catch the hem of your skirt.
“You started. Don’t complain.” he’s lifting your skirt above your hips.
“Who said I’m complaining?” you smirk maliciously at him. Yes, you’re aware that you’re still parked at the campus, but you don’t think someone will notice you inside the car under a storm. If you weren’t so deep in lust you would have realized how this situation is weird beyond words; you both are sober this time, you can’t blame alcohol – however you two are already so shameless. Yes, you are very intimate because of your long friendship, but not this kind of intimate. But then here you are – grinding on the guy who’s practically a brother to you while he touches anywhere his hands can find. How crazy is that?!
As you kiss him, you feel Jungkook’s hand reach your inner thighs and your entire body screams in excitement. He’s going exactly where you want, exactly where’s burning hot, and he doesn’t even need to ask for permission because he knows you’re dying for it. You feel his finger touch your humid panties and he smirks.
“You’re already this wet? For me?”
You feel goosebumps run your body again; this is a voice you never heard Jungkook use, never thought he could speak this way – well, you heard him using it past week, but you weren’t conscious enough to appreciate it. He sounds terribly cocky. It’s similar to when he wins over you on a game, only this time is much darker and you love it.
You smile and bite the lobe of his ear. “Yeah, for you,” you whisper in a breathy voice and even you are shocked for saying this. Usually you would boss him around when losing at a game, but this is definitely not a Mario Kart match.
Jungkook chuckles. You love the sound.
His fingers press against your clothed clit and your hold your breath. They travel slowly to your entrance and back to your clit and you gasp, gripping his shoulders tight. “Don’t tease me,” you warn.
“You know I love teasing you,” and again you don’t fail to be amazed at the cockiness on his voice. Fuck, you think only this is making you wetter.
He caresses your intimacy over the panties, so slow you think you must die. His fingers trace slow, circular movements against your clit, making you moan softly.
“You want more?” he asks, looking at you right in the eye, while his fingers still work painfully slowly on you. You can’t help but nod. “Then be polite.”
You wide your eyes slightly. This bastard wants you to beg? You’re about to complain, but then Jungkook pressures his fingers a little bit stronger and your breath gets caught on your lungs. You know what? Fuck it. “P-Please, Jungkook...”
I’ll kill him when it ends, you think. Jungkook’s evil smirk widens.
His fingers finally go under the fabric of your panties and touch your clit, start to work faster and harder, putting the right pressure. You close your eyes, letting yourself be carried by the pleasure he’s giving you. Your insides clenches, desperate to be filled, while Jungkook still plays with your clit.
“Finger me,” you demand suddenly, making Jungkook quirk one brow up. You roll your eyes. “Please.”
This son of a bitch will pay for making me beg.
Surprisingly, Jungkook does what you asked quickly, one finger circling around your entrance for a moment before sliding inside slowly deep to his knuckle. You’re already wet enough, so it’s not uncomfortable. You moan and bite your bottom lip at the feeling. His finger stays there for one moment, before it goes out, and in, and out. He drags it against your walls and you clench around him, moaning.
And then there’s another finger filling you. You grip on his shoulders even tighter, the pleasure taking you over; his digits works inside of you, stretching your insides, going in and out at an increasing pace, your hips involuntarily bucking along with the movements of his hand. When you feel his thumb working against your clit again your eyes widen and you gasp; you moan, not able to control yourself. You’re a mess already. Jungkook watches your face carefully, completely focused, and he seems satisfied just by looking at you being pleasured.
But you soon remember that’s a game for two, and he can’t be left behind.
While Jungkook still works his hand inside of you, your trembling fingers reach for his belt and you unbuckle it. He eyes you curiously, yet doesn’t stop moving. You unzip his jeans and rest your hand against his hard member, still strained inside his boxers. You notice Jungkook holds his breath at it and you smile.
“Be polite, will you?” you say, repeating his words from before, faking an innocent voice. Jungkook grunts as you caress him again and his eyes sparkle; he looks half mad and half endeared.
“You little shit- Ah!” he moans when you squeeze a little harder. “Please!” he says through gritted teeth.
You giggle and manage to get him free from his boxers. It’s just like you remember: tall and thick, actually bigger than you ever imagined. Your hand grabs him gently and he stops moving inside of you for a moment as his breath hitches, melting for your touch. Your thumb massages the tip of his dick, spreading the precum through his head, earning a moan from Jungkook. Then your hand travels up and down his length, gripping tightly but not enough to be uncomfortable.
Being stimulated seems to excite him, because he’s moving his hand against you once more. You both moan; your hand around his cock, his fingers inside of you, and you seem to match each other’s pace. Jungkook’s fingers come in and out of you quickly, at the same time his thumb presses your clit in tight moves - and your hand goes up and down his member, putting special pressure at his head. The car is filled of wet sounds and moans as you pleasure one another.
Jungkook thrusts his fingers on you harder and you feel you’re about to lose yourself; he’s hitting the right spot, altogether with having your clit massaged - you’re a moaning mess. You feel your legs becoming jelly, and you’re not even masturbating him properly anymore. Jungkook knows he’s hitting your g-spot so he goes on, harder and harder, and you moan louder as you feel your peak coming. Jungkook is literally fucking you with his fingers and he’s about to make you come...
But then, suddenly, he takes his hand off and you’re left empty and hopeless.
“What-?” you stutter, desperate, and notice that he took your hand off his member.
“I want to cum inside of you,” he states darkly and you smile. Sounds good. Sounds very good.
You notice him searching for something on the back pockets of his pants and he takes his wallet. He opens it and takes a condom. You’re in such a hurry that you quickly take it from his hands, opening the small packing and pulling the condom off, ready to set it on his member. Jungkook chuckles.
“You’re so desperate for my cock, huh?”
“And you’re so desperate for this pussy,” you snap back, voice trembling. You slide the condom down his dick and Jungkook watches, mouth slightly agape. Why does he find it so hot?
You position yourself properly, putting your panties to the side and guiding his dick to your entrance. His hands come to rest on your hips and you hold his shoulders for balance.
You stare at him right in the eye while you slide him down.
A simultaneous moan comes from you both; being filled by his fingers felt good, but this is way better. You stay like that for some moments, adjusting to the feeling of being stretched, and then you start moving, leading your hips up and down his cock. Jungkook grips your hips tighter and closes his eyes. “Fuck- you feel so good,” he whispers under his breath, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows.
You’re too involved in the moment. His grunts, the squelching sounds of your bodies, your heavy breaths, the rain still storming outside. You close your eyes, a smile of pure pleasure creeping on your lips as you throw your head back, moaning.
“You’re so fucking hot,” Jungkook says, panting, and you open your eyes to find him staring at you with a smirk on his face. Your smile widens.
“Never thought you’d compliment me this way.”
“Never thought you’d be jumping on my dick.”
You giggle under your breath. “Do you regret it?”
“Hell no.”
You close your arms around his neck and kiss him again - a wet, needy kiss. Your moans get higher as you feel your peak coming again. He swears under his breath things you can’t comprehend and you don’t care. You rest your head on the curve of his neck and leave a wet kiss on the spot, your hips moving at a regular pace.
You can’t think straight anymore. You’re sweating and panting and moaning and your members are losing strength; your legs feel like jelly, you’re not sure if you can keep going. Jungkook seems to sense that, because suddenly his hands grip your hips and he forces you to stop, groaning. “Let me finish it,” he says darkly and you just nod, not really complaining.
And you sure have no reason to complain, because when Jungkook starts thrusting into you, holding your hips tightly to keep you in place, is the moment when you definitely lose your mind. From this position he can easily hit your g-spot, and he does it continuously and mercilessly. “Yes- right there Jungkook, right there,” you manage to say somehow, biting down on your own bottom lip, and instead of replying Jungkook just does what you say. That fire on the pit of your stomach indicates that you’re very close and he seems pretty close too, since he changes his pace, thrusting into you harder and faster, desperate to reach his and yours climaxes – and you can’t do anything but moan and grip onto him tight as he fucks you with incredible force
“Oh my- Jungkook I’m gonna- Ah!” you moan, eyes rolling as he slams into you and you feel yourself reaching your high, mind completely blank, limbs weak when you feel your whole body at pure bliss, your walls clenching around him tightly. Jungkook grunts at the feeling. Jungkook’s still thrusting hard and quick, but not long after he moans your name right into your ear – almost making you cum again only with that – and you feel him going rigid, finally reaching his own climax.
And then you both go numb, trying to recover your irregular breathings. You’re literally melted on his arms, forehead covered with sweat, your head still resting on his shoulder; Jungkook’s arms are still around your body.
“Don’t tell me... don’t ask me to forget about it too,” you whisper right next to his ear, and you hear Jungkook chuckle softly.
“I can’t ask for the impossible.” you can’t help but notice how his voice sounds weird now. Is it a hint of... sadness you hear?
The impossible.
Despite you were hating yourself some moments ago for what you did, you realize in that moment that you don’t regret it. Even though you have no idea if your friendship with Jungkook somehow changed or if you just messed things up even more.
But you’re sure about one thing.
Your personalities might not match. Your opinions about many things might not match.
But your bodies match very well.
#please praise me#i don't usually write smut so tell me if i did good#jeon jungkook#jungkook scenario#jungkook scenarios#jungkook imagine#jungkook imagines#jungkook smut#jungkook angst#jungkook x reader#jeongguk x reader#jeongguk scenarios#jeongguk imagines#jeongguk smut#jeongguk angst#jungkook fanfiction#jungkook fanfic#jungkook fluff#bts scenarios#bts imagines#bts smut#bts fanfiction#bts fanfic#bts angst#bts au#bangtan scenarios#bangtan imagines#bangtan smut#bangtan fanfiction#bangtan au
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Splash, Hammer, Meh, Yay! Chatty 70.3 RR
I was heading into Chattanooga 70.3 with no taper and a month after IM Texas. My coach and I fit in a bit of speed work but it has been a bit of an adjustment. They are such different races. I have been in Ironman mode since last September. Sounds like a good excuse for a wussy day right!? It isn’t, I had a cracking day, it just did not play out the way I planned it.
My team mate / mate Alex and I hit the road loaded with bikes, coffee and enthusiasm for the long drive from Chicago to Tennessee. Even with a delicious lunch stop in funky Nashville we made good time and arrived in time for race check in.
I am probably never going to be in charge of booking race accommodation again. The Days Inn was truly hideous, truly. But it was walking distance to the race start, it had a bed and a lamp, so some may say it was perfect.
We met up with my race mate Jeff for dinner at a pub on the main street. He had flown in earlier from Denver and was there on a mission to claim a 70.3 WC slot. We had an early dinner so that Alex could go and pick up his wife Theresa from the airport.
So our weekend gang of Alex, Theresa, Jeff and I assembled for breakfast at the Frothy Monkey next door to the Chattanooga ChooChoo hotel. There was a lot of good eating that went on this weekend. We planned our day and got moving.
A little recon ride showed the worst part of the course, the suburban streets were cracked and potholed but brightly marked with orange tape.
It hardly seemed possible while we were sweating buckets at the unsheltered 3pm athlete briefing, but the weather forecast for race day was for thunder storms and a 100% chance of rain. After hearing the few key bits we needed to know, we staggered back to our rooms for a pre dinner rest and heat stroke recovery. I must say, those athlete briefings are important BUT sitting us out in the sun for an hour is counter-intuitive.
What a crock of shit that weather forecast turned out to be, but at that stage it was a significant concern for all of us.
As we wandered up the street to meet Jeff at the restaurant he reserved for our pre race dinner, we saw formally attired people coming and going from what was obviously our destination. I was lucky to have had the sense of occasion to add a pair of loafers to my shorts and shirt combo but really that is as fancy as my race travel wardrobe goes. We arrived quite under-dressed but clearly oozing enough confidence and our blue athlete wrist bands to carry it off. No spaghetti and red sauce to be found anywhere on the menu we endured with soup with lobster, sorghum buttered bread and some sort of tree fern sprouts. I have eaten pre race fish tacos in mexico, schnitzel in Austria and quinoa in Calgary and know that this pre race dinner in Chatty will be just as memorable!
As we dined the heavens descended and the forecast epic weather arrived violently. We stared out the window of the restaurant all dreading our trip back to our hotel let alone the race the next day. I don’t mind swimming and running in rain but riding my bike in heavy rain is just plain scary. I was thinking about the numerous man hole covers and the road conditions I had seen earlier that day. All I wanted at that stage was a safe race, to not crash my bike or be struck by lightning. I was committed to racing, after all I had to burn off all the calories I had just consumed!
Before bed I pottered around got all my transition gear into plastic bags and just got myself into rain racing mode. I pictured my whole day wet and soggy but killing it anyway. My husband sent me some words of encouragement and I was in bed by 10, I managed an ok sleep. I was up at 4am to see a dry parking lot and low cloud cover. Whoa, I was immediately elated!
I met Jeff on a dark corner near my hotel and we walked up to the race together. He was his usual quiet pre race self, perhaps a little more so because I know he was really wanting a good race and a slot.
I got myself ready, went and found Alex near his bike, he is a special breed of chilled out, after letting some of his vibe rub off on me, I told him I would see him near the swim start, and I went off to collect Jeff for the shuttle bus to the swim start. He was not as chilled. He was staring at me with scary evil possessed eyes. I was horrified until I figured out it was not actually directed at me but the member of his nemesis tri team who had racked his bike next to Jeff’s.
We caught the bus to the swim start, and wandered down to the sub 30 min swim time area. (I was anticipating a sub 30 min swim given the river current.) Alex found us and we chatted away nervously while we waited. Actually I chatted away… Still no sign of rain but the deluge the night before had an impact on the current in the river. They had sent the pros off on the original course, swimming 300m up stream, turning, swimming 100m across then the remaining 1600m downstream. But it was evident that the current was too strong for us mortal age groupers so to the cheers and hurrahs of the crowd around me, they cut the up stream portion. I wasnt saying boo, but I certainly was not thrilled to be doing the short swim. So without the upstream portion we just had a mad 1300m sprint downstream. I got that into my head straight away. Don’t hold back I thought, just get in and go hard.
The rolling start works well when people self seed properly. But oh man of course they don’t. I started with Jeff, Alex putting himself a few mins back waved us off as we stepped over the timing mats and took off. I lost Jeff within a minute. I was pushing. I was breathing every other stroke for most of the way. I was swimming over the top of a lot of people.
I found the step and hauled myself up and headed off to the wet suit strippers. I made the climb up the steep ramp into T1 to Theresa’s cheers. I donned my gear and headed out. Jeff teased me about not wearing bike shoes in transition as he caught me just before the bike mount line, dammit, he may just have a point. Anyway we took off within seconds of each other but he was out of my sight very quickly.
I was feeling super. My plan was to hit watts that would give me an IF of about .82-.83 (Intensity factor, a fraction of normalised power over my functional threshold power, I am talking about dosing my effort based on my known maximum average watts for a 1hr effort, or something like that) The problem was that the rolling hills on the course were causing a lot of bunching. In order to keep clear of other riders and avoid drafting I was pushing up the hills and when ever I found myself caught up in any bunches. I was finding that as I was coming into the back of a slower rider’s draft zone and beginning to over take that another rider would come up into my draft zone to overtake me, but then we would hit a hill and everyone would slow down, I could tell who the hell was overtaking who, it was a nightmare, in the end I just felt the best thing to do was to get well away of it all. I channeled my Team INTENT Tuesday afternoon hammer-time mojo and went nuts. I vaguely recall passing some poor guy on the side of the road having a mechanical as I headed up the steepest climb, turned out that was Jeff fixing his dropped chain. I finally got some clear road as I hit the easiest part of the course. I rode past a flock of big black birds sitting in the grass on the side of the road, apparently they were vultures, they were scary looking ugly things. A bad sign? Not for me, they were there for the female pro I was gaining on.
Jeff came up and passed me with about 5k to go, shortly after that Alex was there. It was amazing that of all the almost 2500 people racing, that I would be lined up behind those 2 right at the finish. Neither was pulling away from me too fast so I caught up, I giggled as I passed Jeff and finished ahead of him. My IF ended up being .85, not ridiculous but not particularly smart given the hilly run course to come.
We all took off into T2. I was on my way out when I realised I still had a top on that I did not want, the awesome volunteer helped me get it off and dropped it back at my bike while Jeff ran past me laughing. Jeff, Alex and I all hit the run course within 30s of each other. They were gone and I was already feeling that my effort on the bike was going to make this a bit of an ugly run. Spectathlete Theresa was ready with a super smile and cheer as I ran by her at least 3 times out on the run course. I could see Alex and Jeff running together for a bit, they both looked great and I was super jealous that I did not have the legs to keep up. It was hilly and there were lots of U turns but it was a great run course. The aid stations were fantastic. I was not holding a pace I needed to hit 1:40, but I sure as heck was not going to let 1:45 slide by. I watched as a girl with a strong run and a “45” inked on her calf cruised by me with about 8k to go. Oh darn, had no hope of matching her pace, but still in decent shape and not completely falling apart I kicked on and managed a not so terrible run after a killer bike and a hilly run course.
I high fived Jeff and Alex and gave Theresa a sweaty kiss at the finish. All of us were happy. Alex finished 20th in the insanely stacked men’s 30-34 AG, Jeff came 8th in his 50-54 AG both very happy with their performances.
I was 3rd in my 45-49 AG with a 4:31. I can’t call this a 70.3 PR because the swim was cut short by 700m, but it was my fastest bike run combo ever. It was not executed the way I planned but when I look at the data and past performances, it really was one of my best days out. I had a smoking fast bike split of 2:24 which was 5th female overall, including the pros, my run was mediocre at 1:43, but over all a very fast day.
After the world’s most refreshing beer we headed down to the insanely hot river front to attend the award ceremony and slot allocation. Alex and Theresa escaped after awards but Jeff and I stayed. He was fairly certain, that he had a slot but it really was not till they called his name that he breathed again. I was holding my breath too. There was a lot of joy!
I passed on my slot because I already picked it up in Racine last year but was thrilled to see it roll down to a girl sitting right by me, again more joy!
Post race dinner at fab Chattanooga find, Urban Stack, was followed by ice cream thick shakes. We happily all fare welled Jeff before wobbling back to our skank hotel.
Alex, Theresa and I drove home via awesome food in Nashville, we sung a little John Denver, read and chatted, they were such great company all weekend.
I send my huge love and thanks to Simon for his support.
I send more huge love and thanks to my coach Rick Schopp, yeah, I am respectable on the bike these days, thanks for getting me there.
Next stop, cheering on my boys this weekend at their 1st triathlon. Lookout Brownlees.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
jungcarrrot
Luv
admiral-genki-blog
Vkusno!
boatie1
Untitled
hoshaseimegami
Pure Serendipity
sandwichesaremyfav
J.W.S