July 22, 2022
First Love
Was it easier to leave because there was no evidence of us? No pictures no voicemails. I sometimes wonder if you still have that necklace you gave me that I threw back at you after that last fight. I remember you going on vacation with your family and you coming back sunkissed and beautiful - you gave me this little souvenir to let me know you were thinking of me while you sat beside the ocean. I don’t know if I ever thanked you for that. I remember it took 9 months for me stop crying every day after you left. You became a ghost so quickly I never even had a chance to explain myself.. I don’t even know if, back then, I would’ve even had the right words. We were just kids. I wish I could apologize for everything. I know we are different people now. We don’t know each other anymore. It’s been 9 years since you decided you were done having your heart beaten to pulp by me and my insecurities. I’m glad you made that decision for yourself - I’m glad you were mature enough to recognize that what I was doing wasn’t what you deserved. I knew it wasn’t - I had so much goddamn baggage that I didn’t know how to sort through. I still don’t but I’m working on it.
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I'm happy when you are happy but I hate the things you are happy about
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Someday All The Love You've Given Away Will Find It's Way Back To You
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December 10, 2022
I stopped reading poetry. I stopped writing. I stopped looking for you in every beautiful thing that my eyes beheld. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of you in my day dreams - where I hope we are happy. Where we wander together forever and ever. I am starting to think I should read poetry and romance again but what keeps me, is knowing I would feel you between every letter. My heart would ache and my chest would sink if I began to see you as clearly as I once did before. The flakes of gold in your brown eyes, the ever so sweet angel kisses on your cheeks and neck. I wouldn’t be able to ignore how much your eyes would be saying to me although your lips remain silent.
In my dreams we have something so delicate, so pure. The way we touch each other with such care as if we’d break at any moment. I wish I could put into better words than this just how you make me feel. Just picture the most beautiful horizon you’ve ever seen, a perfect warm breeze blowing through you causing little goosebumps, smelling the earth and feeling so grounded after being so high up in the clouds you thought you were lost and forgotten. It’s like every worry you’ve ever had melting away to nothing when you lay your head back into the fluffy grass. Now you may have a better idea of what I feel I when your name comes across my phone or when I hear your voice telling me it’s going to be okay and that you’re here and you’re not going to go anywhere. For the first time in my life, I believe it. I really think you’re going to be with me until the end of time. I would go anywhere with you, to the ends of the earth even. I want to explore every star with you but here we are almost strangers.
-M.C
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