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randomshyperson · 1 month

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I'll Crawl Home To Her - Wanda Maximoff Oneshots

Summary: A rewrite of the fight scene in WandaVision, with a less aggressive but equally painful discussion.

Warnings: canon-typical Westview angst, talking about magical submission and free will, established relationship, some grief mentions, rough kissing just because I can, love confessions/reaffirmations | Words: 1.644k

A/N-> I'm just rewriting loose scenes from WandaVison, none of which are really going to end up in anything bigger. But I hope it's a decent read.

General Masterlist | AO3 | Wattpad

-&-

“It’s not often that you get a dog and bury them the same day.”

To your line, Wanda could have chosen to mumble in agreement. She could have said she was sorry, or she could have chosen to remain silent.

Instead, she chooses sarcasm, as if she had a good idea of how ridiculous everything was starting to get around that town.

“Well, life moves pretty fast out in the suburbs.”

You end up sighing, able to feel the anger slowly building up in you. Wanda continues to put toys away, and you decide to wipe your hands on the nearest dishcloth before turning to your wife.

"I spoke to Norm this morning." You start with a serious look on your face, and Wanda, oh your beautiful, stubborn wife, makes a mocking expression. You don't understand why she's acting this way. "He told me things that really frightened me, Wanda."

It was her turn to take a deep breath, the confidence in her expression wavering for a second. There was only one balcony between the two of you, but somehow the emotional distance was immeasurably greater.

Wanda looks you in the eye. "What's that supposed to mean, darling?"

“You tell me.” You hit back without hesitation. But what you get from Wanda is a tired sigh, falsely innocent.

"I didn't know it was charades night again." She continues to mock.

You can't remember if Wanda was ever cruel, but it's a fact that you can't remember anything that happened before Westview.

"I got scared because he was scared, Wanda!" You insist, approaching the counter to lean on one hand, while the other gestures your despair. "It was like a different person, a real, suppressed personality crying out to be released. It was accidental, of course, to discover this. But I'm not an idiot, Wanda. I can see what you're doing. The things that are changing around us every time something gets out of your control. And I don't understand why, and you won't talk to me, and I'm so scared!"

The tears in your eyes match hers. "Stop." She pleads earnestly, but you shake your head.

"You don't want this." You say.

Despite the emotion in her eyes, and the thick tears, Wanda gives a short, ironic laugh, her head tilting slightly. "Don't I?"

"If you did, I wouldn't know. I wouldn't be able to see, to question.” You sigh.”You’ve always been so... extraordinary." Her expression suddenly flinches at the compliment. "Your abilities, your power, I can't tell what happened before this place, but I know about now. There's not a trace of doubt in my mind about you, about how magnificently powerful I've always perceived you to be. Not even about how much I love and trust you." Wanda swallows dryly at your words, but you give a sad sigh. "Then I don't understand why you keep letting me see the flaws. If you're going to lie to me, leave me in the dark. Because I think I'm losing my mind little by little. I can't ignore the suffering of those people, and I can't ignore the uncertainty that grows in my chest every second. I can't remember anything, Wanda. I see those pictures on our walls, those fabricated memories, and nothing reaches me. I can't even recall if I had any kind of family before this place."

Wanda comes around the counter with a certain desperation, her hands reaching for your face. "You have a family. Me and the boys, why can't that be enough?"

Your hands reach for hers. "It's not that, sweetheart. Our family is perfect. This life is the closest to heaven I could get. But I can't be at peace with it at the cost of other people's suffering. I can't ignore their pain."

"I'll help you think of something else." She responds with a nod, pulling your face in to kiss you firmly.

Kissing Wanda has always been intoxicating, a sensation that's easy to get lost in. But fresh in your mind is your coworker, terrified and begging you to get away from this place. Get away from your wife.

You pull away, breaking the kiss and ignoring the way your whole body protests. Wanda is equally out of breath, but the gleam in her eyes hides a deep irritation.

"Wanda, I-

"Save it." She interrupts, turning her back on you. You catch a glimpse of a new form of anger and hurt in her eyes at being rejected. You sigh impatiently, following her instantly.

"You're not going to run away from this conversation, Wanda, I need to know what's going on in this place!" You practically beg, yelling at her back because Wanda just keeps walking towards the stairs. You huff angrily and teleport immediately into her path. She jumps slightly in fright, grimacing with impatience and taking two steps backward, away from the steps as you insist; "Please. Talk to me."

"There's nothing to say if you don't believe me when I tell you there's nothing wrong." But you shake your head at the words, one hand pulling your hair back. Wanda chuckles humorlessly. "See, you already have an opinion on the subject. On me. I'm already the villain in your story, darling, so why don't you keep digging behind my back and end this whole thing?"

She mentions going upstairs again, but you stand in her way, one hand pulling her face towards yours. The kiss is more intense than the one in the kitchen, heated enough for Wanda to gasp into your mouth.

She's ready to reciprocate with the same eagerness when you break it, the hand on her cheek caressing her skin.

"Because I love you, Wanda Maximoff." You whisper against her lips, and it's not just the words, but the devotion in your gaze that makes Wanda's legs wobble. You offer her a small smile, an air of lost battle in your expression. "There is no part of me that would plan and act against you. Even here, with the truth scratching at the walls, where I could if I wanted to access the suffering of these people, I wouldn't turn against you. I can only beg for a little mercy, my love. Take the pain away from me, the doubt. I will be loyal and complicit in any of your desires and decisions."

Wanda sobs, hugging you before you can say anything. You can't remember anything that came before, but she can, as clearly as if she were there. And Wanda loved every trace of your old self as much as she loves this Westview version, willing to do anything she asks. It's not so different from the person she lost, with the most striking exception that makes it clear in that moment, that nothing could ever replace the real you.

You would have taken Wanda out of that fantasy. For better or worse, even if she hated you afterward, even if she never forgave you, you wouldn't let her cross lines through grief, you wouldn't let her lose herself again. After all, that's what you swore to do after witnessing first-hand all the guilt she carried for Ultron's madness and the accident in Lagos. Your true version would never let her drown in sorrow and hurt people again.

But the Westview version, so sweet and devoted, would stroke her back and say the same thing you always used to say, even if now you can't remember it.

"I'm sorry if I made you cry, princess, I never meant to. Look at me so I can bring your smile back."

Wanda holds on a little tighter, tears staining your blouse. The vast majority of the times she had heard this phrase, it had been at much less dramatic moments. While she had a passion for sitcoms and things that made her laugh, you liked more emotional movies that could make you cry. And every time you had a movie session, you would tell her that, easily achieving your goal of putting a smile on your girlfriend's face. But there were also times when the situations were dramatic - a poorly planned workout where Wanda ended up hurting you and tears of guilt escaped her and you tried to make her feel better by saying that same phrase. Or when you had a fight and it got a bit out of hand, and you started your apologies that way.

Or when Thanos took you from her, and Wanda had to hear it twice because of a time stone.

She doesn't want to hear it for a third occasion.

You're ready to say something, maybe apologize, when Wanda breaks the hug. But she holds your cheeks and presses her mouth to yours. Slowly, allowing you to taste even the saltiness of her tears. There's a shaky sigh escaping from between your lips as she breaks away again, but your affected gaze changes to a curious one as red irises stare back at you.

"I'll make it better." She whispers, nodding slightly. You swallow dry, closing your eyes and resting your forehead against hers.

The only thing you whisper is exactly what makes her hesitate. "I trust you, Wanda."

She ignores the internal conflict and lifts one of her hands to stroke the back of your neck. It must be easy, especially within Hex, to change your mind. To make you no longer question.

You repeat that you love her, and Wanda brings trembling fingers to your forehead.

She suddenly becomes very aware that consciously, she could never do that to you. She would rather you found out everything and hated her than take away your free will. To turn you into another puppet.

She sighs shakily, ready to say she'll put an end to this whole place when the doorbell rings.

Nothing could prepare her for seeing her twin brother again, but that's another story. Besides, not that Wanda has any idea, far away from there, a fallen Avenger is being stitched back together while calling her name in their sleep.

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #elizabeth olsen x reader #scarlet witch x reader #wanda maximoff #marvel imagines

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astrologylunadream · 5 months

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Everything Your Person Loves About You♡🧁🍇🖤 (Pick a card/Tarot love reading)

Hi it's Lunadream!! I will be showing you all the things that your person loves about you♡ hope you find your message💌🖤

Notice: Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ If anything doesn't resonate, don't worry! It's not your message right now <3 (Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)

Now, shall we begin~? ^w^ Think of the your person, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling~🍇🍨☕

Pile 1🧁

Pile 2🍇

Pile 3🍨

Pile 4☕

Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡

On to the readings —> 🍨☕🖤

Pile 1🧁

Sign energy: Love at first sight, Twin flame, Pride, End, Book, 8th house, South node, 5th house, Aquarius, Taurus, ☄❤🦢⚖

👤Your person's energy: Very romantic energy for this pile's person, omg this is a connection that has been going for a long time possibly beyond this lifetime. I'm seeing this as someone you have hit a roadblock with, and the relationship may have slowed down or come to a stop.🤚 Scorpio, Leo, Aquarius and Taurus placements, specifically could be Taurus over their 8th house or Aquarius over their 5th. Your person has a passionate and deep nature about them, they probably love the story of romeo and juliet as it is their idea of true romance. When they love, they love so deep and endlessly. Omg this person loves like they're in a romance book.📖💞 I think they are very physically attractive to my pile 1's, ohh and their voice is so addictive to you lol. They are very prideful in themselves and their talents, this may be someone who reads or writes online a lot. Some of my pile 1's fell in love at first sight with this person!!🥰 This could be a twin flame connection for most of you take what resonates, you may see them as your other half that compliments you perfectly.☯⚖ I feel like they just came into your life and just completed you in some way, soulmate vibes~💓

🖤What they love about you: Concert, Desert, Hug from behind, Despair, Ring, Mercury, Mars, Fire, 5th house, Gemini, 🧛‍♀️❌🍬🌃 Omggg my pile 1 this is getting good!!😍 First of all they love your mind and the way you think, the way you sort out your thoughts and the things you talk about. They love hearing you speak (especially on phone calls I'm hearing📞) and they feel like you have such a beautiful rhythm to your voice and the way you think.💭💕 Ahh your person LOVES the way you hug and hugging you too, I'm definitely seeing that they love the way you pull them in every way especially physically very interested in you😍🙊 They love how creative and sweet you are! Also this is so funny but I feel like they love the way you react when you're angry or sad like it is attractive to them??😳 The way you say no to things that don't serve you is so amazing to them, like they can just see the fire in your soul and it lights up! Your interests, hobbies and music you listen to all makes them more in love. Physically they really like your behind, that is what is came up😭😳 There's more but this is not that type of reading so we'll leave it there for my pile 1's😂😂 I think they really love seeing you have fun and enjoy things, they can't ignore the spark in your eyes when you love something.💓

💌Messages from your person: Who are you? I'm playing with fire, Your soul is mine, It's hard to explain, What have you done? It's meaningless, I can save you, Something is pulling us together. (Ahh a soul connection is real between you two💞) Extra cards: Closed, Choice, Actor, Drown, Lean

Thank you my pile 1's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💌

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the cupcake emoji~🧁 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💞

Pile 2🍇

Sign energy: Short term, Imagination, Fit, Ego, Reach out, Sun, Scorpio, Neptune, Leo, Moon, 🌅🧜‍♂️🎰🕺

👤Your person's energy: I'm getting very intense vibes from my pile 2's person, almost like they got something to prove. Leo, Scorpio, Pisces and Cancer placements, I'm getting Scorpio and Leo vibes the most. They are very captivating and their stare is so deep, they have a lot of confidence and self respect. They have quite an imagination and fantasize often, mostly of themselves and their life I'm hearing. I think they know you are attracted to them or tell themselves that, like "pile 2 is definitely into me😎" haha. They may try often to fit your ideals or their own, striving to be a living fantasy. You or them could be reaching out to the other but I feel like it's more likely your person. They are very attractive and alluring, I think they put a lot of effort into themselves. Omg pile 2's person loves showing off, and getting attention, probably have people obsessed with them secretly. They are reaching for the stars I'm hearing, very ambitious.☀️ The number 7 may be significant, I am seeing a lot of self energy with your person. They are heavily focused on how they appear to others, and to you. Illusive siren vibes, they draw you in deeply🖤

🖤What they love about you: January, Lay down, Solitude, Self love, Siren, Leo, Lilith, North node, 9th house, 7th house, 🎫🔍😗🤷‍♂️ Ahaha okay for my pile 2's your person loves your aura and who you are. They see you as a reflection of themselves in some way, they are in love with the way you treat yourself with self respect and confidence.👑💞 Also I think they are heavily into your attitude and outlook on things, honestly they are so attracted to your edgy side.🔪 Like your more intimidating self, they actually are really attracted to that side of you. Your person has a thing for your dark side🙊 Also you may spend time alone for yourself and they love that about you, that you make time for yourself and put yourself first when needed <3 Also how curious you are about deeper topics like occult and for some of you it's shadow work, your person loves how interested you are in those things.🖤 I do see that your person may love the idea of a relationship with you, having you as a potential romantic partner for them. Also they love how mysterious and beautiful you are, like your energy is so magnetic to them. They think you're very smart too, even if you don't think so. Of course take what resonates but I'm seeing your person loves fantasizing hot scenarios with you😳 Over all they just love how you radiate confidence and pride in life and they love how you take control of the things you want in life.♡✊🖤

💌Messages from your person: You might get scared, You made a mistake, You should have texted me, I won't let you be with anyone else, Please don't hide your pain, Tell me the truth, I won't forget this, It can't be (My pile 2's your person wants to know how you're feeling💓) Extra cards: Hands, Longterm, Wild, Grey, Disturbance (Some spicy energy from your person but I'll leave it up to interpretation for this reading🚫🙈🖤)

Thank you my pile 2's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💌

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the grapes emoji~🍇 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💞

Pile 3🍨

Sign energy: Prank, Final, Drive, Prove, 6th house, 4th house, Water, Aquarius, Sun, Venus, 🗡🐏🌉😰

👤Your person's energy: Okay so we have some interesting energy for my pile 3's person!! First off they may have their sun in 6th house or Virgo, but I'm also getting Aquarius sun or venus. Cancer, Leo, Libra and Taurus placements aswell for you guys💓 Your person has a touch of soft femininity to them (no matter the gender) like they are just very caring and sweet at heart.🥺 I'm getting that this person gets very defensive if you play with their feelings or emotions, they dislike being tricked or mislead. Some of you know this person through online, or there is a connection to them with that in some way. You think of this person often or on a daily basis, some of my pile 3's overthink about this person!!💭 Lol I think one or both of you try so hard to act like there's nothing going on between you to like friend zoning or trying to remain professional, but like the relationship means so much to you both I'm hearing♡ You feel very familiar with this person, they are very protective over you too like family. I am getting that they are also very supportive of your love for them. They make you feel safe and in love, omg and I am hearing that they have a fierce side to them when it comes to protecting their loved ones like no one will want to mess with them because they will fight hard to keep you safe💗

🖤What they love about you: Desperation, Mall, Handsome, Model, Captive, 4th house, Pisces, Aries, 9th house, Uranus, 🗡😖😗💢 Ahh my pile 3's your person loves your soft side and the way you show your emotions. This is a strange message but I'm hearing they really love when you are desperate over something like them, like they are so into that😳 It's a weird kink of theirs. But anyways they love how passionate and vulnerable you are for the things you care about, your hopeless romantic nature. Your person thinks that is so attractive of you😭💞 They love if you blush over them too like "omg they're so cute/attractive/so magnetic" like they really love you like that~ <3 I think they love being stuck on you or the idea of like, not getting over you🥺😢 They fantasize about you on every level from physical to emotional, also they love when you get angry/aggressive🤬 Idk but they think you're so attractive when you're angry like whaaat??😂 But also... they love being able to protect you or keep you to themselves, hugging you and touching you to make you feel at home.💕 Aww pile 3 your person really loves just having you with them or knowing you are safe. They do fantasize about holding you I mean not taking their hands off you LOL they love how delicate and cuddly you are. Also you may have exotic model features that they find very appealing, your legs may be something your person loves about you😍 They really love the way you love them because it feels so soft and sweet to them🥺🍰💗 Also the way you dress is very lovable to them, like they wanna go shopping with you <3

💌Messages from your person: I want to, I'm touched, No one loves me like you do, I finally found you, Your laugh is contagious, What's yours is mine, Why can't you tell me? We would be perfect together (Omggg pile 3 your person loves you so much!!😭💞 They want to you to say you both are perfect for each other💞💕) Extra cards: Explosion, Competition, Honest, Crazy, Message

Thank you my pile 3's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💌

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 3 with the sundae emoji~🍨 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💞

Pile 4☕

Sign energy: Difficult, Saturn, Only one, Compulsive, Inactivity, 1st house, 12th house, 4th house, Vertex, Mercury, 😥👩‍🎨🤙👉

👤Your person's energy: Okay so there is definitely a block between you and this person right now, it could be emotionally or physically but there is definitely something between you guys that feels confusing and hard to read one another.💭 Capricorn, Aquarius, Aries, Pisces, Cancer, Gemini and Virgo are possible placements for your person, could have Mercury or Saturn in 1st house. This person may not be able to comfort you right now, or perhaps trying to comfort you too much. They may think or talk like an older person even if they are younger, they think responsibly and may be very strict with themselves. This is a very hard time for both of you I'm hearing, and you are trying your best to stay strong.✊ There are definitely confirmations of reaching out spiritually with this person, through tarot and such as this may be the only way to truly call out to them right now. Fate is in the works for you two though, and eventually communication will become more stable and upfront. This person feels like home to you, and you feel connected to them on a higher level.🌠🖤 This is someone you are familiar with, they may keep coming back to you. Some of my pile 4's see this person as the one.💍 But I definitely think this person isn't communicating the best with you right now, But they are trying their best in this connection. This is someone who fantasizes often about being in touch with another's emotions and desires, truly connecting on a level beyond physical.🔗♡ Very dreamy and spiritual individual.

🖤What they love about you: August, Audience, Silence, Lost in translation, Number, Water, Neptune, Aries, Virgo, 10th house, 🧚‍♀️🛏💦😏 Okay my pile 4's I'll try not to go into to much detail but your person is being very naughty right now so we'll just have to keep it simple😬😰 They love your artistic sense of beauty, you have an aesthetic eye and they find that very attractive. They love how illusive and mysterious you are, and your emotional intuitive side. My pile 4's your person loves getting lost in you while thinking of you, dreaming of you is something they love to do. They may have more dark or intimate dreams of you, fulfilling all their fantasies.😅😳 They have a lot of subconscious thoughts they need to translate into their conscious mind, there are things they may not even know they love about you or weren't aware of. But also... your person loves the thought (just the thought😰) of taking you under their control or dominating you in some way most likely mentally. Your vulnerable and fragile side is strangely attractive to them. They would love if you were addicted to them, but they love being that way with you regardless. They may love how your subconscious mind works or seeing you unconscious.. You are like a fairy to your person, they want to catch you and keep you just because you're pretty to them lol.😂🖤 I feel like they're just waiting to say "are you lost?"🥺 so they can take you in and hold you tight.🤧♡♡ They don't mind waiting for you too.

💌Messages from your person: I shouldn't, I'm stuck with you, You can decide, Save me from myself, Believe me, I'm lost without you, You know what I'm doing, Would you kiss me back? (Aww pile 3🥺💞) Extra cards: Fishing, Practical, Heart, Lost in translation, Secret admirer

Thank you my pile 4's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!💌

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 4 with the coffee emoji~☕ Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💞

Wanna see more readings like this? Check out my tumblr for accurate readings for you!💗🌊🌸

Thanks for reading! \(*^w^)/💌 -Lunadream <3

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amourdivine · 7 months

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𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃 🤍 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐒.𝐏. 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 & 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋 𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔?

Hello, lovelies! This was a suggested reading from a dear anonymous. It had a more romantic subtext, but I hope you take out what resonates & leave what doesn’t! If you have any more suggestions, so let me know! Feedback is always welcome. If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ [email protected]! xo. ♡

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how to choose your pile. take deep breaths for a few minutes & look at each and every one of the piles separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later.

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disclaimer. this is a general reading for entertainment purposes. tarot is a divination tool & is not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i do not take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

PILE ONE 💜

what do they think about you? ten of swords • eight of pentacles • six of cups.

I just heard Coldplay’s “The Scientist”, specifically the bit in which he sings “take me back to the start”. I wonder if you two had a fight, some sort of falling out or heavy disagreement. They think they’ve lost you - this is weighing heavy on their mind. They wish they could go back to when things were simpler, when things weren’t so difficult and anxiety-inducing. I think they feel a lot of shame and blame as well (I heard “blame game”) and I’m not going to lie, pile one, this person may be overthinking this connection, especially the way they see it. It feels heavy, like my chest and my throat are holding so much energy but nothing comes out. They’re not thinking clearly, despite thinking so much, it’s really difficult for them to “think” a way out of this situation you’re in. However, they do wish to work towards a peaceful resolution with you. They want to find a way to make things feel lighthearted and happy for the two of you again. This person could also be listening to a lot of heavy/sad songs, because so many of them are coming through to me. They’re experiencing a lot of self-hatred and very difficult emotions are going through them. They’re mourning some kind of happy ending, but they’re still willing to salvage the relationship if that's something you also desire.

how do they feel towards you? the empress • ace of swords • page of pentacles.

Gosh, there’s so much love here. They not only miss you, but they want to talk to you… to ask you how to work this out. They just want it to work it out between you two, pile one. Even if it’s difficult, like I mentioned in the previous section, they only want you. They don’t see anyone else for them. They don’t want to let you go, to lose you. It’s why their mind is so foggy and so clouded with poor judgment, they feel a lot of despair over the thought of losing the love you two have and shared. If your connection ended, they’re still not over it - they’re refusing to move on, simply because in their heart, they’ve decided it’s you. And I don’t think they’ve fully voiced it out just how much they want you, but they intend to do so. No matter how painful this situation has become, they hold some sort of hope that you’ll want to work things out with them too. They love you in a pure, devoted way and know how unique, how beautiful this connection is.

channeled messages: “i hate myself for what i did to you”, “i can’t forget you”, “you’re beautiful”, runaway, empty roads, highways, road trips, memories, polaroid pictures, “i wish things were easier”, “you betrayed me”, burning bridges, “do you still love me?”, deja vu.

channeled song: ghostin’ by Ariana Grande.

PILE TWO 🩷

what do they think about you? the magician • the lovers • the world

I couldn’t name a more beautiful spread. They put you on a pedestal, sort of - this person sees all that you are and they’re amazed. They admire you, they love you and they can’t see anyone else but you. This person’s got heart eyes when they look at you, maybe their eyes sparkle - pay attention next time you speak to them in person. Although they may wonder if they’re good enough for you, this person truly, deeply is inspired by you. It’s possible this is a friend of yours who’s crushing on you and vice-versa, but neither one of you is willing to admit it yet. This is a dreamy vibe, even, I feel like I’m immersed in Piscean energy. Maybe one of you is Neptune dominant or has Pisces in 1st. It’s the feeling of a high school crush, the intense, beautiful and almost soul-crushing one, but the kind of connection that has a lasting impact. Even if you haven’t known this person for a long time, they are eager to know more about you, all the little things that you do and say are stuck in the back of their mind. They don’t take it for granted. You’re extremely important to them, regardless of the nature of this relationship, you’re someone they want around.

how do they feel towards you? three of cups • five of wands • nine of swords.

They’re anxious, because they’ve got some heavy competition. Even if they see all these positive qualities in you, this person is afraid they’ll ruin the friendship by risking it. So many people are interested in you, that they’re afraid of rejection, afraid of all the people vying for your attention and sometimes, they just wish they could get rid of these feelings already. It’s possible there’s a 3rd party situation going on - either you or them could be in a committed relationship and there’s a lot of guilt and anxiety involved. You’re this person’s wish come true, but they don’t know what to do. They’re stuck in their head about it, fantasizing about coming towards you, talking to you and not feeling so insecure or jealous when they see you with someone else. I got the vivid imagery of someone seeing their crush talking to someone else at a party and being almost soul crushed by the fact that they’re so afraid of approaching the other. It’s giving me fanfiction vibes (in the best way possible, I promise). I’m almost sorry for this person because they’re so blindsided by their pessimism that they can’t fully see a way into being with you, no matter how much they want to. They know they need to make a move before they lose you for good, though.

channeled messages: “i’m so sick of love songs”, “i just want to talk to you”, instagram, DM’s, subtle flirting, “are you alone tonight?”, crush, “i feel invisible”, insecurity, jealousy, bonfire party, college life, “give me back my jacket”, inside jokes.

channeled song: Are You Bored Yet? by Wallows ft. Clairo.

PILE THREE 💖

what do they think about you? eight of cups • six of cups • the devil.

“Gone for good”, I just heard that. My playlist started playing sad breakup songs too, it’s honestly a little heartbreaking and quite bittersweet. This person thinks, well, they know you’ve left them behind and you seem done with them. You left them and they’re triggered. They’ve got so much going on in their head, always filled with “what ifs”. Your connection has turned sour and they think you wanted to pursue something better for yourself, something that didn’t trigger the both of you so much. I feel like this connection may have turned toxic, so they know you needed to leave, but nonetheless, they’re grieving, they’re sour and bitter. I don’t know if this person was heavily immature towards you or even disrespectful, but you left them on a chokehold because they didn’t expect you to simply walk away so easily. I don’t think it’s been easy for either one of you. I’m more so feeling a situationship or a friendship kind of vibe here, not a full, official commitment. Everything they see in you is almost a projection of their worst fears. All your worst traits mirror back to them, calling them to do some soul deep healing. I saw the Death card in the back of my mind, so I think this person knows it’s time to move on, to let you go, but they’re still obsessing over this ending you’ve had and it’s possible they lurk on your social media. It’s not an evil or malicious energy, but they’re not in a good headspace to talk or see you right now.

how do they feel towards you? two of swords • knight of cups • ten of wands.

Sometimes they love you, they miss you. Sometimes they just hate everything that came to be about the two of you. They’re tired, overburdened by their feelings, so sick of feeling so much and nothing at the same time. This person can’t really pinpoint exactly what they feel for you, but I got nauseous and almost sick to my stomach? I think they just wish they could erase this pain forever, but sometimes, they wish they could get some closure from you as well. It’s possible they wish they could give you some closure as well. All these messy feelings are taking their time in this person’s heart and body, but I think this connection, as triggering as it may have been, has brought up a lot of things back into the surface. Regardless of how they feel about you, it all ties back to their wounds, their feelings and themselves. I got some heavy Scorpio feelings in the last section and now I’m getting some Libra - I feel like those were significant energies and placements for your pile. This person’s not only heartbroken but almost… burnt out by everything that went down. They’re slowly trying to heal, to let go and forgive, but they’re not having the easiest time. I don’t think they’re “evil eyeing” you in any way, but I also think some distance will do the both of you some good. I feel like Spirit wants to emphasize how good this ending will be for you.

channeled messages: “you deserve better”, “i want to go back to who i was, mental health, physical health, “get over it”, 777, friends with benefits, messing around, fuck around and find out, taylor swift, moved on, finally, second chances, “i was a second option”, simply unrequited.

channeled song: Berenstein by The Band CAMINO | extra: Favourite Song by Tim Chadwick.

PILE FOUR 🩵

what do they think about you? the magician • ace of cups • six of swords.

You’re so nurturing, healing and magical. This person sees you as some sort of fairy, a beautiful, wholesome person who’s got so much love to give and to receive. Even the song that started playing is one of my favorites, a very healing and soft one. They see you as a safe person, an Earth angel, someone who’s almost like their lucky charm. The vibes here aren’t only romantic - they fit for friendships and familial relationships too. They’ve got a lot of fond memories and stories of you. I see someone going through a photo album and laughing to themselves in joy. This person sees a lot of good things in you and you’ve given them some sort of renewed faith in connections and humanity. They know you’ve been through a lot - they see you’re still healing. Every now and then, they catch glimpses of moments when you’re not feeling so good, but they still see your potential and growth nonetheless. I think your words and presence calm this person down. They value your advice immensely, all your words of wisdom and encouragement. I feel like Gemini and Leo are significant placements for this pile - I got the Strength card in the back of my mind, with the woman caressing the lion in the card. You bring calm and softness to this person’s life.

how do they feel towards you? queen of pentacles • ace of pentacles • two of wands.

I heard “wife you up”, lol. If this is a romantic connection, this person wants to offer you a deeper form of commitment - in whatever way that means for your connection. I feel like this person is smitten by you, even if you’re friends, you’re their closest, most prized friend. They’re making plans for something bigger, something greater between the two of you. This person views you as someone they could have ultimate success in every way, someone trustworthy and someone they intend on making accommodations for to fit in their life. It’s so soft and sweet, I see a woman arranging and rearranging pillows in a soft-looking bedroom to make sure her guests will be comfortable during their stay. I think they’re making room for you in their heart and mind, even their home as well. Maybe they haven’t told you, but they’re giddy to have met you and to spend more time with you. If this person proposes to you soon, please don’t tell them I told you! I’m not trying to ruin their plans, but let me say your connection has some really sweet, lovely surprises along the way. If you get engaged though, let me know, pile four. I’m really happy for you!

channeled messages: “fight for you”, “let me love you”, acts of service, bouquets, rainy days, “put your head on my shoulder”, “it’s okay to cry”, “i want to be there for you”, “you don’t have to pretend with me”, cupping someone’s face in your hands, comfort food, hugs, ice cream, care bears, pisces, cancer, healing, therapy, inner child.

channeled song: Room Service by Holly Humberstone | extra: Break For You by Valley.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

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yuikomorii · 4 months

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// Ok I didn’t want to go this far but at this point, you guys are hating on Ayato just for clout and it shows. It’s okay not to like a character but straight up spreading misinformation about him is not okay. If you lack reading comprehension, just admit it.

What makes Ayato’s past so sad isn’t only the fact that Cordelia was mean towards him. She mentally and physically abused him, yet what genuinely hurt Ayato the most was the way Cordelia treated ALL the triplets. A part of him didn’t even want to kill her, given that he CRIED in the MB flashbacks because, despite being a huge abuser, he STILL felt sympathy even for someone like her. No matter how horrible Cordelia was, Ayato still wished for Karlheinz to reciprocate her feelings only to finally see her happy.

Don't even get me started on the Adam curse. He was practically used as bait and abandoned to death by his own brothers, but he still hoped for their safety after escaping. That curse literally destroyed his entire life because its purpose was to make the person who ate the fig drown in despair and go insane. That's why he was sooo obsessed with Yui's blood. Heck, he's cursed in routes other than his own, as he goes insane in Ruki's MB one, to the point that his brothers had to lock him inside the dungeon. In addition, in his MB Vampire Ending, he falls into a coma because he refuses to hurt Yui and keep drinking her blood.

Other than that, Laito was the one who made him believe that he wasn’t special, hence he adopted the “I will never make someone special again” mentality. He also wanted to kill him when he was younger (no hate towards any of his brothers though). Kanato was the only one who never did something bad to him, considering that when Ayato was a child, Reiji called him the disappointment of the family after failing a test.

Ayato did twisted stuff too; no character is a saint, but he always tries his best to fix things. Even when not dating Yui, he’s capable of showing compassion, support and a desire to improve his relationship with his brothers BY HIMSELF. Check this analysis for example.

Other than that, despite every time being hurt when trying to show kindness, he still became a very selfless guy who’d sacrifice himself for anyone at any given time. What makes this even more admirable is that according to Karlheinz, he’s literally the only one who actually VALUES his life. This guy who loves life would risk it all for Yui, even when not dating, or for any of his brothers.

Credit to: dialovers-translations and tournesolia on Tumblr

On top of that, he's incredibly empathic?? He forgives everybody, no matter what they do to him, and seeks to maintain good relations with them. In Kino's LE route, for example, he tortures and burns Ayato, but Ayato is the first person to recognize him as his brother because he wanted Kino to feel that he, too, belonged to a family.

Last but not least, nobody silences Karlheinz as good as him. He was also the only one who connected the dots by himself about his dad being the root of all evil, including being the only one who didn’t want to kill him only because he didn’t want to fall into his plan. Check this post.

Oh and, Ayato is actually really big; it’s not that only his fans make him that way! This post basically proves that he’s the IT boy of otome games and I should also mention that he’s the character that sells the most in Japan and China! Just look what Japanese fans think of him. ;)

You can dislike him as much as you want but nobody can deny how brave and pure-hearted he is. He’s the definition of from zero to hero.

As I mentioned earlier, it's fine to dislike him, but don't become obsessed with it, lol. At the end of the day, he's merely a fictional character with endearing characteristics and the male lead. It's really not that deep. Besides, it's embarrassing when the hate comes from Yui stans because she definitely wouldn't be happy of any of you talking about her man in that way.

#diabolik lovers #ayato sakamaki #dialovers #sakamaki ayato #admin

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swannieluv · 8 months

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.ᐧ.ᐧ ⊱ Rain, apples and smiles ⊰ ᐧ.ᐧ.

Summary - It's raining again in Fontaine, but maybe someone can help to make a rainbow out of his sadness.

Info - pairing: (platonic) Neuvillette x gn. child reader – w.c: 1.1k – TW! Crying and referenced neglect towards reader.

a/n: This is my first time ever writing something, so feel free to leave your thoughts on comments! I would really appreciate it if you could like and reblog (if you enjoyed it!). Comments, asks, brainrots and rambles are always welcome!! <3

The Hydro Dragon, Father of the Melusines, Chief Justice Neuvillette. Those are all titles assigned to him. No one would have the nerve to disrespect this man, let alone on trial. His expressionless face is often able to make people speechless, he is like a stone in the middle of the sea of people and changes.

He is supposed to be a serious person, he's the Chief Justice after all. He shouldn't feel sadness towards the guilty, he should be firm and not let the mundane morals affect him, yet he can't help but feel his chest tighten at the end of every single trial, the looks of despair plastered on the face of the criminals.

It's raining once again, people in the streets are running to seek refuge under the main street shops' roof. The skies turned gray in the blink of an eye, well, in a blink of Neuvillette's eyes.

He absolutely didn't desire to cry now. Maybe the Melusines are also in a bad mood now because of it. He'll probably apologize later for it by letting them play around the court.

“Hydro Dragon, Hydro Dragon, don't cry…” — he listened to someone's voice, but couldn't quite place where it came from.

“Why are you crying, Monsieur Neuvillette?” A small voice asked him from above, Neuvillette could only see a child, who seemed to be no older than eleven, seated on a tree's branch. Their [e/c] eyes spying on him while the rain made their tattered clothes and unevenly cut hair wet. He tried to quickly wipe the hot tears with the back of his hand, only for it to be met with numerous new ones that wouldn't stop running down his cheeks. He would be surprised at the fact they knew his name, except for the fact that he's the Chief Justice.

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Are you sure, sir? You don't look like someone who's happy though.” — They tried to inspect his face, but couldn't see much due to the angle they were. The only way to know if the person in front of them was really crying was to be quiet and listen to the quiet sniffling sounds he let out from time to time. — “The Hydro Dragon is also crying… is it such a sad day?”

“What are you doing outside in this cold rain, child?” He crossed his arms, not daring to face the child. This man didn't want to get caught weeping by a child, it would be too humiliating for someone his age.

“Well… I got stuck in this tree…” — their face became a bit red from embarrassment. It was the truth, though. They were trying to collect some apples on the tree due to their hunger, only to end up stuck. It's not their fault, really! They just thought that descending from the tree would be easier than climbing.

“Jump, I'm going to catch you.” — he looked up at them, his puffy eyes with fewer tears sliding from them. Neuvillette opened his arms in their direction, as if telling them to trust him to catch them.

“Uh… I…” — they looked down, the ground spinning in a nauseous way — “Okay!”

They took a deep breath and closed their eyes. The child held their apples close to themselves as if they were precious treasures and jumped. The cold wind made them shiver as they were expecting to land in his arms, alternatively they would land face down on the ground.

“...!” — their eyes slowly opened. Their [e/c] eyes made contact with Neuvillette's blue ones. Then he put them back on their feet again, giving them a small pat on the head, like he does after the Melusines tie his hair. “Thank you.”

Some apples fell from their arms as they fell. Neuvillette took notice of their poor appearance and ran his fingers through their hair in a soft and careful motion. It wasn't uncommon to see children like this that came from the slums, they usually become criminals or die before reaching adulthood, he felt guilty once again for not being able to effectively help them.

“What are those apples for?” — he picked up the fruits off the ground, analyzing it.

“I'm going to give it to the other children. They need it.”

“Only apples?”

“Yes… that's what I could find.”

Neuvillette eyed them for a second. He soon started walking away, signaling to follow him. Their steps echo through the place, it was slightly uncomfortable. They soon reached his office, there were some piles of paper above the wooden table. There were some ink stains on the edge (probably from this overworking during the week). He decided to just leave the fruits he picked up there.

“Oh… I haven't asked your name, child” — he picked up a towel from a drawer and started to dry their hair. — “Do you even have one?”

“Yes, it's Monday”

“Monday? Were you born on a Monday?” — Neuvillette pondered about how they could live without an essential thing like a proper name. He cracked a small smile as he saw their messy hair after being dried. "They definitely need a proper haircut", he made a mental note about it.

They smiled a bit while fidgeting — “No. Everyone calls me that because I was found on a Monday… no one really cared to give me a proper name…” — they were interrupted by his sudden pats again.

“Then I'll give you one, if you wish to.”

“A name…” — they looked up — “then I want the best name ever!”

“The best name ever…” — he crossed his arms, a small smile on his face — “What about [Name]?”

“[Name], [Name], [Name]...” — they repeated it a few times, trying to get used to it. — “Okay, I'm [name].”

His glance returned briefly to the apples. — “You said you were going to give them to some children, didn't you?” — Neuvillette picked a fruit from the table — “I'll ask some help… and we're going to bake some apple pies for them, what do you think?” — he didn't care about the extra work he would need to do after, it was only… a break, yes. That's what he's going to tell himself when he feels bad after it.

Their eyes gleamed with happiness, they just wanted some apples, yet they're receiving apple pies? That was a blessing for them and a small reminder to express their gratitude for the hydro archon… only if there's still any kind of respect for her, though.

They went to one of the kitchens in the building and baked the most delicious apple pies they (the Melusines) could. And if anyone asks why the kitchen got flooded… [name] can just say that it was the hydro archon's fury, and definitely not because they almost burned the place and Neuvillette tried to extinguish the fire… which only caused more damage. But they are happy now with their apples and smiles. And for the first time in centuries, there was a rainbow in Fontaine.

#genshin x reader #neuvillette x reader #genshin impact #genshin platonic #platonic #neuvillette #fontaine #genshin fontaine #Swanniesarchive<3

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trippingontheescalator · 5 months

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Snape Headcanons

He's bad at geography. Sure, he knows this super rare, obscure potion ingredient can only be found in this one area in Laos, but ask him to find Laos on a map he won't have a clue. There was a time he dreamed about seeing world, but he quickly realized he would never get the opportunity and so doesn't see any purpose in learning geography.

A lot of the Marauders' claims about him, like knowing curses as a first year, are exaggerated, but the one thing they're right about is Snape was very nosy. Part of it was because it was useful; knowledge is power, after all. He could trade gossip with his fellow Slytherins, or use it to keep one step ahead of the Marauders (or taunt them with it). But most of it is just his natural curiosity. He's a people watcher. He doesn't often understand people, is bad at human interaction, so he watches from a distance.

Severus knows half the first years think he's some sort of vampire and he revels in it. He knows exactly the kind of image he creates, dressing up in those long black, swishing robes, the spooky dungeons with the jars full of animal body parts. His taste is 33% Mad-Scientist-Run-Amuck, 33% Sad-Victorian-Boy-Dying-of-Tuberculosis, 33% Tacky-Post-Halloween-Discounted-Decor, and 1% Lucius's-Increasing-Despair-to-Make-Severus-Into-a-Functional-Human-Being.

In addition to potions and reading, Severus also does a lot of writing. He's been working on-and-off on a novel since he was fifteen. At this point, it's almost 500,000 words long. One of the few ways he's able to express his thoughts and feelings is through fiction. The main character was heavily based on Lily, especially in the early stages when they were still friends, but as he grew older he put more of himself into the character and now she's become the version of himself he wishes he could be. The night before he kills Dumbledore he burns the entire thing.

Severus knows the DADA position is cursed. Everyone knows it's cursed. He still asks to teach it every year because he also knows that it's the only way he can escape Hogwarts, and he's willing to risk death to do it.

His feelings for Lily have gone through the entire spectrum. At times, she was a sister to him, especially the years before Hogwarts. He used to be incredibly jealous of Petunia, wished he could be Lily's sibling and live in their house and have their parents. It became romantic as a young teenager, especially since she was the only person he felt safe enough with for his pubescent mind to fixate on and explore his budding sexuality. Later, as he became friends with the other Slytherins in his year, it was strictly platonic but nonetheless a very deep friendship. They were both trying to control the other, and Severus was especially worried that Lily would end up like Eileen if she gave into Potter's charms. After his failed apology, he grew angry and resentful and he tried very much to hate her (but he couldn't, not even after she married Potter). And then, after her death, it circled back around to brotherly. He liked to remember those early years best of all, and his devotion to a better cause after her death parallels that of Dumbledore's after Ariana died.

Look I know there's a lot of confusion about godparents, and HP didn't help by being coy about religion, but a godparent isn't a legally appointed guardian. Like, they definitely can be if the parents want that (as it appears to be the case with Sirius Black), but that's not the default. A godparent sponsors a child's baptism and is in charge of their spiritual upbringing, making sure they know their catechism, etc (hence the god part of godparent, its a Catholic/Anglican thing). And the most widespread religion in HP does seem to be Christianity with Christmas being celebrated and whatnot (though I do headcanon the purebloods have their own Druidic/Christian hybrid religion going on). With that being said-- Severus Snape is Draco's godfather. He's also Merula Snyde's godfather. And Pansy Parkinson's godfather. And, like, the godfather of 10 other kids of former Death Eaters. Severus Snape climbed the Death Eater ladder; he was one of Voldemort's favourites during the First War and these other Death Eaters were like, "Damn. I got to get on his good side. Please sponsor my child's baptism."

#severus snape #pro snape #pro severus snape #snapedom

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glittervame · 24 days

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It matters to me

Warnings: I couldn't tell what my depression was telling me so I wrote it out, sorry my feelings suck

The first thing I noticed about him was his voice. It was like listening to a lonely violin playing a sad tune in an empty theater. It was the kind of voice that could make your heart ache, even when he was just ordering a cup of coffee. His eyes were the color of the sea on a stormy day, constantly shifting between hope and despair.

And then there was his face. Oh, his beautiful, sad face. It was like a canvas painted with all the colors of sorrow: the deep crimson of heartbreak, the faded blue of loss, and the stark white of loneliness.

His features were chiseled, his jaw strong, his lips full and sensual. But there was something about the way he held himself, the way he moved, that told me he had seen more pain than any one person should ever have to bear.

So I grabbed his chin and made his face turn towards me, I could see the tears in his eyes, the ones that had been there for so long they had become a permanent part of him. I wiped them away gently, feeling the warmth of his skin, the roughness of his stubble against my fingers. And in that moment, I knew I couldn't just stand by and watch him suffer anymore.

I rubbed my thumb over his cheekbone, feeling the slight ridge of a scar I hadn't noticed before. "What happened?" I asked him softly, my voice barely more than a whisper.

He looked away, his gaze flickering somewhere beyond me. "It doesn't matter," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "It was a long time ago."

But it did matter to me, and I wouldn't let it go that easily. I reached up, cupping his face in my hands, forcing him to meet my gaze. "It matters to me," I told him, my voice steady and sure. "Tell me what happened."

He swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat, and then his eyes weirdly meet mine.

"Tell me every terrible thing you've done, Percy, and let me love you anyway"

#percy jackson #percy pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson x reader #<3

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aka-indulgence · 10 months

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Now all I can imagine is the pirates stealing reader away and Sans just shows up and is met with a villager which he’s uninterested in until they’re like like “Um…some pirates kidnapped your wife…please don’t eat me.” and then Sans is just like “They WHAT?!”

Somewhere far away, the captain feels his sins crawling down his back.

Yes yes EXACTLY!! That’s what I thought when I was writing it

You meet with Sans almost every day. Though there are days where you don’t appear at the cliffside to meet him, usually you’ll come back the day after, or have already told him that you were going to be busy the day before.

(Of course he still comes, and though he’ll be sad, he’s not too broken up about it.)

But then you were gone for a day… then two… than three… the more he doesn’t see you the more agitated he becomes. He’ll rise up to the cliff and wait for hours on end. He’ll be there in the morning, leave, and come back at night.

It’s clear to the villagers that their Local Kraken is becoming upset, agitated even. They’re haunted at night by his cries and wails of despair at night.

After about a week he’s in anguish, storm clouds have gathered above the sea and the shores around it as Sans cries, not knowing what happened to his beloved human. The villagers get more and more frightful… sure when you were here he was as ‘harmless’ as a puppy, but without you it’s almost like he’s turned back to that unknown beast that come from the inky black depths.

Eventually they’re scared enough that instead of trembling in fear and avoiding the shore like a dead zone, they decide the longer the monster doesn’t have his gf the more likely he’s going to destroy everything- so they send one person to the cliffside.

At first Sans is excited to see a human on the cliff, but quickly realizes that it isn’t you. The small peek of sun is quickly covered by swirling clouds. It’s visible both in the sky and on his face, and the poor sap that was sent to talk to him is shaking in their boots. The dark anger on his face makes it look like he’s going to eat them or something (when really he’s uninterested), so they quickly blurt out:

“Sir… s-sir kraken! Please don’t eat me, I’ve come t-tp tell you that p-pirates have st-tolen your wife…?”

Sans was just about leaving when he hears it. He goes from despairing to rage. He grips the cliff until his phalanges dug deep grooves into it and yells (in their head), “WHERE DID THEY TAKE HER?!”

They blurt out in fear and quickly run away as Sans’ eyelights turn an angry red, practically roaring into the sky as lightning strikes, tentacles knocking boulders and upsets the shore as they sway violently.

His roar is heard far across the ocean… on a pirate ship, you wake up from a nap in your makeshift prison and a shudder runs along the captain’s spine.

“What been that, Cap’n?”

“... It’s probably nothing, maybe a clap o’ thunder. Get aft to work, lad.”

#kraken sans #ask #idk how my pirate lingo is doing sdjhf #villagers: DONT TAKE THE GIRL SHE'S THE KRAKEN'S WIFE #Captain: cap #villagers: D:#Sans: :] where's my wife #villagers: *points at the pirate ship* he did #Sans: hahahaha *die*

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thequietkid-moonie · 11 months

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Beautiful and powerful but lonely darling

[ YANDERE HEADCANONS ] [ Jack, Korekiyo ]

[ Shuumatsu no Valkyrie ] [ Danganronpa V3 Killing Harmony ]

⚠️ Yandere, I dunno support this kind of behavior in real life, I just write it for fun!

× Inspired on Cleopatra (from Majo Taisen)

Ah, yes, two of the crazy men im in love with❤️ I loved doing this!! Also, my first time writing for Kiyo!! Im so nervous but excited!! Aaahhh!! Hope you love it as much as I did!! ❤️❤️

Also, read Majo Taisen!! Is an amazing manga with amazing characters, and amazing art, amazing motivations for the tournament ~ just read it, you won't regret it 🖤

Jack the Ripper

It doesn't matter if you are new on the town or have lived your entirely life in there, it doesn't take much time for him to notice your presence (but is more likely that it happens until adulthood since during childhood he was in the slums), but I mean, how he couldn't noticed you, wherever you go you catch everyone's gaze with your beauty and elegancy

With your only presence and bearing Jack was already interested on you, but the fact that everyone is looking at you with admiration and desire with every step you take, ready to fullfil your wish only with your only presence, despertly wanting to be by your side and have the bless to bask into your presence make him more and more intriged by you

Jack isn't like everyone else, he doesn't want to kneel before you or do everything for you just thanks to the influece of your overwhelming beauty, he admit that you are truly beautiful and amusing but that isn't enough for him, he is interested in you, he wants to know more about you, he wonder how you would look when you're flooded by the beautiful colors of despair and fear, would you look even more beautiful than you already are? Maybe you pretty face will turn into something completely diferent

Speaking of colors, since the first moment Jack had noticed the deep color of loneliness around you and he finds it pretty interesting, he doesn't pity you nor get sad for you, it actually only increase his interest on you, a person who is always surrounded by a lot of people that are ready to please you and fullfil your wishes and still you can't have the only thing that you really want

Jack is completely amused and intriged by you since the moment he lays his eyes on you, however he won't approach to you right away, he prefers to stay in the shadows for a while, follow you close and watch you, he wants to know more about you and what better than watching you close! He wants to know every litte detail of you, he want to be there anytime your colors change into colors of happines or saddness, he want to know what make your colors change, but above all Jack wants to be able to be the one making your colors change, he want to make you experiment the true fear for the first and last time

As the time pass by Jack start to want more and more of you, with the more he watch you from afar and the more he knows you the more he is amased by you, he is more conviced that you are perfect inside and out, the more he wants you

Jack finds pretty disgusting and even pathetic how so much people want to serve you or want everything about you just by your looks, they doesn't know how to appreciate your true beauty, he does, he doesn't just appreciate your looks Jack appreciate the beauty that is hidden in your lonely heart, the one that is craving for love but knows that not anyone is worthy of, the beauty that is hidden in your strength, that strength with which you can easily get rid of anyone who dares to annoy you or try to go too far with you and overcome your limits

Jack doesn't approach to you until he feels like he knows enough about you, or well until he knows all he can know by being afar from you, when he feels that he already has enough and needs to step in, needs to be around you, NEEDS you. The moment Jack approach to you he do it so casually, so naturaly, introducing himself with elegancy like the gentelman he is, it doesn't matter if you try to ignore him or don't really pay him attention he will just laugh softly at your reaction, he knew this could happen, he knows you really well and he understand, he may seem like all the rest that tried to court you into he past but he is different and he will show it to you, it doesn't matter if he has to force you to accept him in your life he is totally willing to do it

Jack slowly get more and more into your life, make it seem like coincidences, just like an inocent friendship that slowly blooms when in reallity he has calculated every step he takes, Jack has a complete plan to make you fall in his trap where he will become the only one who matters to you, the only one who can change your colors

Jack thinks that he only wants to be able to overpowered you, to make you feel the biggest fear to see that beautiful color on you, but deep down in his heart he want to be with you, to be one with you and to be able to do this Jack start to gently push you into his arms where you will never escape, he start monopolizing you with delicate and sweet actions of love that not even he fully noticed

Jack already know a lot about you but now that he is closer to you he makes efforts to win your trust so he can delve into the deepest parts of your being and heart, finally knowing everything he can about you to feed his lovely and obsessive heart

Even when all the world want to reach you Jack doesn't think on kidnapping you, is irritating to see all the people despertly trying to get something from you, even if is just your gaze, but he is completely sure that he can completely protect you from any danger, he can easily get rid of anyone, and, most important, he can know when you start trusting in him more, or even if you ever think that he is worthy of your love he will know before you do, so he doesn't have to fear much because, one way or another, at the end you will be completely his

Korekiyo Shinguji

Korekiyo has noticed you since the start, I even dare to say that since the moment you got in the school he noticed you, and for him it was like love at first sight, but how it couldn't be? You are just the more beautiful human being he ever had the bless to lay his eyes on

Since the start your beauty had captivate him (just like for everyone else) he wants to know more about you so he tries to approach to you and properly introduce himself, it doesn't matter if you are interested on him or not, even if you just ignore him and pass by him he will only take it as an interesting response

Korekiyo is determinate to know everything there is to know about you, how he could call himself the ultimate anthropologist if he doesn't do everything in his power to investigate you, the most beautiful person alive, the pinnacle of human beauty, for a long time he will be stalking you, following you everywhere and watching you from afar, amazed by everything you do, slowly getting into your life, little by little he gets more and more close to you until he finally can talk to you directly

When Korekyo finally has the opportunity to talk to you directly (either since the start or after watching you from afar for a while) at first he gives you a lot of compliments, he can't stop himself from expressing how beautiful you are, how grateful he is for having the opportunity to meet someone so beautiful! so perfect! something that isn't new for you at all, everyone who meet you finds you beautiful, although his compliments where a little different, like more poetic and intense, kinda refreshing to say at least. However he did something that no one had never done before, he asks you about you, what you like, what you dislike, what you are into, which is your ultimate talent, how is your personality, what do you wish in life, whatever you are willing to share with him he is more than happy to hear you with devotion (even so, whatever you won't share he will find out soon or later), this was something truly unexpected but certainly not unpleasent, maybe he will be worthy of your love

Korekiyo's loves and obsession for you just grows more and more as the time pass by, getting more and more amazed by every little detail of you, with every day he just gets more convinced that you truly are the pinnacle of beauty, however it seems like everyone thinks the same because everywhere you go there is always people who can't help but look at you, some of them even directly gives you compliments and try to be physicaly close to you, and as much as he loves that people actually admire your beauty just the way you deserve it drives him crazy everytime someone desperately tries to catch your attention, calling your name like if it wasn't nothing and even daring to try to touch you, he can't help but frown and stare furiously while cursing under his breath, trying to control himself and don't go against they here and now, more than once he had scare whoever tried to talk to you and making them to run away (sometimes intentionally other times unintentionally)

Korekiyo hates seeing others trying to approach to you, the more disrespectful they are with you the more angry he is (specially with the ones who approach to you with vulgar intentions, the ones who think that they have the right to touch you in a no so friendly way, or just to touch you at all, left alone without your fully consent, it take all the self control he has on him to not go and just let out all his anger against them) sometimes he can't control himself and goes violent against them but always apologize to you for making such scene in front of you. However he knows that you aren't lady in distress, he had saw you defend yourself against whoever dares to disrespect you in any way before, even if that means to get in a fight (still you are really stronge and the fight doesn't last long), he hates that you had to resorting to having to fight and still he is just more fascinated with you by seeing you fight (still that doesn't stop him from growing clingy to you and being protective over you, even if you don't alow him he will do it without you knowledge)

Korekiyo finds amazing that you will always find someone ready to fullfil your wishes, you have a lot of people behind that are ready to follow your orders you just have to ask, even if you ask them to get into their knees to use them to sit on someone will happy to do so, he likes to watch people following your orders even if you don't thank them or even glance at them, he thinks that is just how a beauty such as yourself deserve to be treaten, and he is willing to follow your orders at some extent too but he isn't doing it for free, he isn't like everyone else, what he wants in return is you, being able to bask in your warm and beauty, being able to be with you, love you and be loved is what he wants

Korekiyo has consider kidnapting you, a beauty such as yourself should be admire for eternity but also protected for all of those who thinks they have the right to even talk to you without all the respect of the world, and every time someone tries to cross the limit just trigger him more and more, is in those moments when he thinks on kidnapting you because he is the only one who will know how treat you with the love and respect you deserve, however is obvious that you have a preference for him, but I mean how you wouldn't? he is the only one who is truly interested in you, the only one who had seen beyond your physical beauty and is truly interested in you, even better that he has never been scare to express how beautiful you are, inside and out

He is truly worthy of your love, he is the only one you had never throwed away, and that doesn't went unoticed from him and that fact is what keeps him calm, what calm his insecurities and worries and what prevent him to take you away from the world because he knows that even when everyone is willing to kneel before you you know he is the only one who truly appreciate all your beauty, the only one who had truly loved you

#danganronpa x reader #yandere danganronpa #korekiyo shinguji #korekiyo shinguuji x reader #korekiyo x reader #snv x reader #ror x reader #snv jack the ripper #ror jack the ripper #jack the ripper x reader #x reader #x gn reader #anime x reader #manga x reader #video games x reader #yandere x reader

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stevenssacrab · 5 months

Text

Three More Minutes

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ✧ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ*

Summary: A simple grocery run turns into the most traumatizing night of Peter's life

Rating: 18+ (minors, do not interact)

Warnings: Physical assault, mentions and usage of knife, strong insinuation of rape, stabbing, description of reader actively dying, Peter in utter despair, reader death

Word Count: 1.6k

a/n: This is a sad ones my dudes, I teared up a little writing this, be safe out there :)

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ✧ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ*

"Don't worry, Pete, I'm paying right now," you say calmly to Peter over the phone, inserting your card to pay; you reach for your bags, but the bag is weak and rips from the bottom. All the contents were scattered across the floor, apples rolling every which way.

"Shit, ugh, of course," you curse out loud; you bend down to pick up some apples.

"What happened?" Peter asks in your ear, slightly concerned

"The bag ripped from the bottom," you say; Peter hears the annoyance in your voice and chuckles.

"Ah, I hate when that happens," Peter says apologetically.

"Ugh, the apples are all over the place; oh, thank you," you say softly. You grab the apple from the kind stranger's hand. He suddenly grips your wrist tightly, and you gasp loudly, confusion etched across your features.

"Don't trust a stranger's kindness," he said harshly, spit flying out of his mouth; you wince at his firm grip.

"Let go of me," you say timidly, trying to pull your hands away, but he only holds on tighter, looking at you with wide eyes.

"Y/N? What's happening?" Peter is trying to remain calm, but feeling completely helpless, he should've gone with you.

"I said let go," you say louder; people around you look at the scene unfolding before them, but not a single person moves to help you out of this escalating situation; you look back at the stranger digging their claws into you, letting out an audible "ow." Tears start to fill your eyes; you look around for anyone, just one person to help you, but everyone just watches

"Y/N?!" Peter's panic slipped through his voice. Peter moves to race over to you, but he hears a scuffle and then screams.

"GET OFF ME!" you scream. Security pulled the assailant off you; he kicked and screamed as security dragged him away.

"Hello? Peter?" you ask, your hands shaking violently.

"Yes! I'm here! Are you okay?" he asks, terrified.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just a little shaken up," you say, voice wavering, adrenaline still high, heat beating out of your chest; you try and control your breathing.

"Can you please walk me home?" you ask, trembling. Your eyes scan everywhere, still on edge.

"Of course, baby, I'll be right there," he says compassionately.

"I'm leaving right now; I'll see you in a little bit; just wait for me," he says firmly.

"Okay, Pete," you say, hanging up the phone; you look around the store; everything is just too much; you can hear your blood flowing in your ears, and the lights are so bright you can barely open your eyes. You try to stand, and your knees buckle, but you manage to stand. You decide that you can't stay here any longer. You walk one step at a time, gripping the walls for support; you feel your knees will give out from underneath you at any moment.

"Okay, one foot in front of the other, you can do this," you say under your breath, trying to get your breathing back to an average pace; you make it to the front entrance; you know you told Peter that you would wait, but you can't stay a second longer, crossing the threshold, and are met with harsh winter winds, cursing yourself, each wind slicing through your clothes like a thousand icy needles against your skin.

"I'll just meet Peter along the way," you whisper; you bury your hands deep in your pockets and start your trek home; you feel eyes following you in the darkness, and your lips pull in a tight line. From the corner of your eye, you catch sight of someone tucking behind a corner.

"Hello?" you ask, uneasy slithering through your body, every alarm bell going off, the hairs on the back of your neck standing straight up. You pick up your pace, trusting you'll run into Peter soon.

"Hey, pretty girl," they say, much closer than before, almost stopping you in your tracks, blood running cold; you know that voice.

"Hey beautiful," you hear directly behind you, and your hair stands on end; you feel a knife press into the small of your back, and your breath hitches in your throat.

"Turn around for me," he says ominously, smiling from ear to ear. When you turn around and meet his eyes, your eyes widen; it was the man from the supermarket who attacked you, but now there was no security to save you, and still no sign of Peter.

"I don't want any trouble; you can have everything I have; just let me go, please," you say, your voice showing how terrified you are.

"Oh, I know what I want," he smiles maliciously, the insinuation very clear.

"No, NO!" you screamed. You wanted to run, but he had the advantage.

"Please don't, anything but that," you cry, tears blurring your vision.

"Y/N?" you hear Peter's sweet voice call for you; you gasp; your salvation has come, and your fear melts away; you attempt to turn and face Peter, but a hand stops you mid-turn and pulls you back, as quick as your fear left, it returns, you feel a hot, stinging pain; your attacker was long gone, you look down and see red, on your clothes, hands, and arms, the realization sinks in, You turn around, and lock eyes with Peter, his face twisted in terror, dread filling every part of his being.

"Peter," you say breathlessly, reaching your hand out for him but tripping over your feet, your body falling limply to the ground. You taste metal in your mouth; you feel everything, the searing hot pain from the stab to the rough concrete nipping at your skin, the air filled with that strong metallic smell; you're gasping for air, desperately trying to take in a full breath, your hearing is muffled, you faintly hear Peter's footsteps growing closer.

"Y/N!, no no, no!" he cried out, grabbing your hand and gripping it tightly.

"Karen, what do I do?" he shouts, his heart pounding like a drum in his ears, every fiber in his being panicking, his breath coming out in ragged gasps.

"Put pressure on the wound and lift her feet higher than her body to increase blood flow to her brain and heart; I'll alert the authorities," she said calmly.

"Okay," he whines, following Karen's instructions, body shaking violently, sobs ripping through his body.

"Peter? What's happening?" you ask weakly, gently squeezing his hand.

"Y/N, it's okay; help is on the way; I'm right here." his throat is aching.

"Am I dying?" your voice barely above a whisper, your face contorting with anguish.

"I don't wanna die, Peter, don't let me die," you whimper out, eyes red and swollen from crying. You try to sit up, but Peter holds you down.

"No, no, just lay down," he sniffles, caressing your face, gently wiping your tears away.

"Peter, I'm so cold," you whimper out, body shivering, your blinks becoming slower and slower, eyelids so heavy, sleep slowly pulling you in, it comes in waves, slowly lulling you to eternal rest, you close your eyes.

"Y/N? Y/N?!" Peter screams, shaking you, your eyes heavily opening, looking up at Peter with despair in your eyes

"I'm so tired Pete," you say sluggishly, your grip on Peter's hand loosening slightly.

"Just stay awake for me, Y/N, okay? Don't go to sleep, oh god, please, don't do this," Peter speaks through his sobs; he holds your body close to his like you'll turn to dust before his eyes.

"Peter," you say weakly; you feebly raise your hand to caress Peter's damp face.

"I love you," you say with a smile, tears slowly falling down your face, getting lost in your hair.

"No, don't say that, please; they're almost here, just a little longer," he chokes out through sobs, rocking you both back and forth.

"Please, Y/N, I can't do this without you. Don't leave me, please," he cried into your hair, body quivering.

"Karen, how much longer?!" he shouts, weeping loudly

"T minus 3 minutes," she said evenly.

"See? 3 minutes, just hang on for 3 more minutes, for me, baby, please," he says hopefully, smiling down at you.

"Okay, 3 more minutes," you say lightly; you can faintly hear the sirens, relief washing over your body; you're almost there.

"You hear that Y/N? You're gonna be okay," he sniffles, moving the hair out of your face.

"You're gonna be okay," he cries in relief, ambulance pulling up in a flash.

"What happened?" The EMT asked, pulling Peter's hands away from the wound.

"I-I, s-she was stabbed, I don't know who," rage filled his body, what he'll do when he finds them.

"We gotta move, now," the EMT says to his comrade; they nod and move you onto the gurney, swiftly moving you into the ambulance. Peter hops into the van, watching the EMTs work quickly; you look so weak, breathing shallowly, until Peter hears the dreaded flatline.

"Y/N!" he stands up, reaching out to you until the EMT forces him back down. The ambulance pulls into the hospital's emergency entrance. Peter follows feverishly behind you until a nurse pushes him back.

"Sir, you can't go back here. I'm sorry," she says apologetically. Peter sits on one of the chairs in the hall, uneasy settling in his stomach, waiting for what feels like an eternity.

"Peter?" the doctor calls out, eyes scanning the room.

"That's me; how is she?" he asked, Peter searching the doctor's face for the answer.

"I'm so sorry; we did everything we could; she lost too much blood." The doctor said apologetically; the world muffles around Peter; you flash through Peter's mind, all the memories; he feels nothing, utterly void of all feeling. Peter doesn't find the strength to move until May wraps her arms around him, but he just stands, eyes glued forward.

"Peter, I'm so sorry, honey," May said with sadness dripping from her voice; she pulled back and cupped Peter's face.

"Oh, May, she's gone, I lost her," he cried

#peter parker x reader #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x you #marvel fanfiction #peter parker angst #marvel angst #mcu!peter x reader #mcu!peter parker #mcu!peter parker fanfiction #spiderman x reader #spider-man x reader #spiderman fanfiction #spider-man fanfiction #spiderman fluff #spiderman angst #jennys.work

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thecatslug · 4 months

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I, Strahd: Depression, Psychosis, and Mental Health

Today I am going over how and where severe depression comes up in I, Strahd (1 and 2). We’ll look at what is wrong with him psychologically, explain the ‘diagnoses’, and go over where this can be seen in the novels.

In I, Strahd (1&2), two forces completely sway every facet of the story: The Dark Powers (TDP), and Strahd’s own fractured psyche. The former can be shooed to the realms of DM knowledge, but the latter casts a shadow over all of Strahd’s actions in the novels.So, when examining these books, we must either ignore his mind and get an inaccurate view of events, or deep-dive into his mental-health and learn to view the novels with such a lens in mind.

Welcome to Series 1; Strahd’s crippling depression

“Blackness surged up and clouded my brain for a time. This had happened before and was now becoming more frequent. I had thought it was simple illness before realizing it was but another part of my growing despair." (I, Strahd, p. 125)

Table of Contents: 1 -> Disclaimers to cover my ass and content warnings to cover yours 2 -> The actual essay on his depression (what y’all are here for) (a) we’ll tell you what is up with him (b) we’ll explain the ‘diagnosis’, (c) we’ll finish with where we see this in the novels (i.e., our reasoning) 3 -> Our sources, further reading, and resources 4 -> My rambling authors note

== Disclaimers and Content Warning: ==

My background on the subject: I am by no means a professional psychologist, but I am in training to be one. I also have extensive experience in writing for mentally ill characters, and neurotically strive for accurate portrayals. Indeed, it has become somewhat of a side hobby to prep for and run NPCs that grapple with themes of mental illness; a core theme which is present in most (if not all) of the games I run. Beyond this- haphazard “resume” if you will, I personally fall into the category of what some people term “severe mental illness”. I have bipolar II disorder, which is characterized by periods of extreme depression and mild (hypo)mania. Unlike bipolar I, which is characterized by full-blown mania. And, while every person is different, and this by no means denotes expertise, sometimes having an inside perspective sheds a lot of new light on the media we consume.

Disclaimer: What this is: The essay below is purely for entertainment purposes for nerds who enjoy literature and this setting. It is meant to be a supplement for DMs who write for Strahd, and an interesting insight for everyone whose curious about the NPC. What this isn’t: The content below does not reflect everyone’s experience with the disorder, nor is it meant to be a professional info-dump. My word is not law, nor is it claiming to be 100% professionally accurate. This is also not professional advice nor a guide for those struggling with mental health. If you are struggling with any of the difficulties described below, I have resources in section 3 to take a poke at.

Trigger/Content warning: We’re talking about severe mental illness in the context of ravenloft. It’s already a bleak topic and now just wrapped in depression: the game setting. Because we’re using I, Strahd (1&2) as our main focus, I have to put in a CW for suicide. Because we’re covering depression in these books, there’s a general CW for the topic, along with a CW for discussions of psychosis and agitated states. (TL;dr: Suicide, depression, psychosis and agitated states)

== I, Strahd: Diagnosis, Explanation, & Reasoning ==

“Secret and safe in some hidden cache within me, the blackness was always ready to rush forth and resume gnawing at my soul like a starved monster.” (I, Strahd, p. 125-126)

{ I } ‘What’s Wrong’ Strahd likely has major depressive disorder (MDD) with mixed-features and psychotic features.

{ II } ‘What this means’ [1] Depression is far more diverse than most realize. It is not merely feeling extremely sad, exhausted, or melancholic. Nor is it always coupled with suicidality. Depression is also not only isolated episodes or only long term/persistent. For some people it can come episodically (MDD), for others it can be lowgrade and chronic over time (persistent depressive disorder (PDD)), and some individuals can suffer from a mix of both. Symptoms can also ebb and change over time, some individuals may go into remission, others may have increasing severity or begin having chronic issues, etc. etc.

(TL;dr: depression is pretty diverse so leave preconceived notions at the door, and remember that Strahd’s issues don’t reflect everyones struggles.)

Below I’ll be talking about two ‘features’ in depression. Mixed-features and psychotic features are essentially ways to describe a sub-cluster of symptoms that individuals can suffer from during depressive episodes (namely with MDD). An individual who suffers from various depressive ‘features’ might not suffer from them during every single depressive episode.

Finally, I’d like to note that an individual does not have to suffer from every single symptom to be considered depressed or to fit the criteria of certain features. Instead, there’s usually a minimum number of symptoms that must be met, alongside making sure context is taken into account, and how much those symptoms impair an individual’s functioning.

[2] Mixed-features (aka ‘agitated depression’)

Individuals during a mixed-features depressive episode experience the ‘usual’ depressive symptoms. They can feel: Hopeless, apathetic, struggle to enjoy life experiences/unable to feel pleasure (anhedonia), feel extreme sadness or low mood, etc. However, alongside these usual depressive symptoms, they can experience: Racing thoughts, extreme physical restlessness, a chronic sense of being ‘on edge’, become impulsive, suffer from angry outbursts, and more.

A good example I’ll use is from my own experience with mixed-state depressive episodes, to help give the gist of how this looks:

Mixed-feature depressive states, for me, felt like my skin was crawling. I couldn’t stop thinking, my thoughts became a jumbled stream that needed to be vented or I’d explode. I felt constantly ready to snap at people because of that inner tension, coupled with a severe inability to simply feel happy, to enjoy anything, to have the motivation to even consider talking with or dealing with people. I felt miserable but, instead of simply wanting to curl up and sleep, my mind and body turned me into some depressed knockoff sonic. I couldn’t sit and not in a hyperactive sense, but in the sense that the inner tension was pushing me into a state of constant pacing or activity. When I’m depressed, I tend to cling to escapism to try and ride out the gloom. During a mixed state, escapism takes on a frenetic quality. I have the energy to do things and need to vent the restlessness. And, I have the impulsivity and lack of mental clarity to launch into clearly stupid endeavors as if they were the most logical thing in the world. Mixed states are like running down a steep slope while sleep deprived. Gravity is pulling you forward, so stopping quite literally isn’t an option- even as your body screams in exhaustion. To people externally, you look like you’re simply a runner- you’re not curled up in a puddle of tears like the titular picture of depression. But, internally, it’s all still there- the apathy, the misery. Except even you don’t necessarily have a moment to focus on the sorrow- because you’re too busy half tumbling down the mountainside.

(¹Individuals with depression (namely MDD) and individuals with bipolar disorder can both experience ‘mixed-features’ during depressive states. The difference is merely that individuals with depression don’t have separate manic episodes. Basically, both disorders suffer from depressive phases and those depressive phases can sometimes come with ‘mixed-features’.)

[3] Psychotic features (‘psychotic depression’) Depression with psychotic features is very different from the psychosis in schizophrenia. Psychosis itself is not a disorder, it is a symptom cluster in which the brain loses contact with reality. Psychosis generally presents with delusions (thoughts or beliefs that unlikely or untrue) and/or hallucinations (these can be visual, auditory, tactile, etc. or a combination).

The difference between depression with psychotic features, and schizophrenia is that individuals with schizophrenia experience psychosis even when they are not depressed. An individual with MDD with psychotic features experiences delusions and/or hallucinations only during their depressive episode.

These delusions and hallucinations can be mood congruent or mood incongruent. That’s a fancy way of saying they can either relate to depressive themes (death, personal failure, guilt, etc.) or they do not relate to depressive themes.

A more ‘typical’ example of psychotic depression would be an individual with the symptoms of depression (low mood, lethargy, feelings of lack of self worth, hopelessness) alongside psychotic features such as being fully convinced they are to blame for an event, or that they are going to die of a disease.

{ III } Reasoning: Where we see it in the book

[1] Depression in general Strahd, in general, is a rather blunt, deadpan, and nihilistic person. He’s an introvert, whose sense of humor generally consists of dark cryptic jokes or dryly bitching about some aspect of life. However, despite his- and most Barovians’- gloomy predispositions, there’s still a distinct difference between ‘Strahd just being Strahd’ and ‘Strahd is currently a dumpster fire’. (I.e., we can’t simply pawn off his ‘struggles’ as mere quirks of personality).

Furthermore, Strahd’s depressive issues are not isolated to after Barovia was slurped into ravenloft. Tatyana dying wasn’t simply what made him sad for eternity. This issue, was preexisting.

The following quote from I, Strahd (1) is a solid foundation for where the depression factors in before the fall of the demiplane:

“…my passion for war and obedience to duty had swept me from the home of my childhood, never to return. I had not seen my younger brother Sturm grow up, or been there for Sergei’s birth or for any of the thousand other joys that a man might take from the heart of his family. I had not even been able to attend the burial of our parents, four years past. Their deaths had occurred during the height of a particularly close and bitter campaign, and I could not be spared. I’d yet to see their graves. In some part of my mind, they were still alive as I’d last seen them three decades ago; Sergei’s presence had driven home the fact that this was not true.” (I, Strahd, p.64-65)

In the early book, before Tatyana is even in the picture, Strahd has a tendency to go on these wordy internal monologues about rather dark topics or observations about his life. He also has a pattern of these smatterings of melancholic, irritable, or angered internal commentary all cast in a very nihilistic haze. In a sense, there’s a lot of documented intrusive thoughts or preoccupations that get stamped aside to deal with whatever bullshit he’s currently tackling.

(And remember, as this is his journals’ narration, he’s very actively describing his thought processes from recent experiences. Along with scribbling down side commentary in his usual, rambling, stream of consciousness style.)

The quote I chose above^ is from an exchange between Strahd and Sergei. It’s one of their first times really ever speaking with each other one on one since Sergei’s arrival. It mostly consists of the pair making small talk about snippets of their past apart. Strahd, being Strahd, kicks the conversation off with a very dry joke about their dead parents. From there, it’s mostly downhill internally even as the spoken and external aspects of the conversation are rather mundane. It’s several pages of deadpan bitterness mostly consisting of commentary on their differences in upbringing and Strahd remarking on how, in comparison, he’s really lost a lot of what Sergei has (namely innocence and the ability to produce serotonin).

Exchanges like these are what I know a lot of people read as Strahd being self-absorbed, whiny, and self-pitying. And that’s exactly what it is! Except, the cause isn’t fully just selfishness.

By the start of I, Strahd- our titular future dark lord has come off of essentially a lifetime of combat and into the static peace of a dawning rulership. He’s spent a lifetime shoving things aside in order to keep moving forward. Now, those thoughts are catching up with him.

For, indeed, the exchange above blatantly admits that he’s barely even processed the death of his parents four years ago. Sergei's arrival is merely a catalyst after what has likely already been a steadily declining period for Strahd. Sergei puts into perspective a lot of things he’s never dealt with- and does so amidst a period where he’s already beginning to backslide. After all, It’s hard to try avoiding thinking about your complete loss of innocence and loveless childhood- when you’re standing next to the family member that isn’t traumatized.

As a person with depression, I can vouch firsthand for how self-absorbed one can become. And whiny. And self-pitying. You get stuck in your head as everything begins weighing you down- to the exclusion of the outside world. So, as ‘whiny’ as his exchanges can appear, they’re understandable. These are his inner thoughts and ruminations on topics which are already deeply depressing on a normal level. And the ruminations spiral further and further out of control as the book goes on.

[2] Mixed-features From this point on, things go downhill- and go downhill fast. His side-commentary rants grow more and more frequent as he begins to ruminate further and further on various topics. Externally his mood takes a bit more of a sour turn, to the point that he even notes the vaguely concerned commentary of others.

By the time Tatyana enters the picture, he’s stuck in his head. After she’s on stage, his behavior becomes objectively abnormal and worrying. He becomes obsessive, to put it mildly, and erratic.

In mixed depressive states (and in hypomanic/manic episodes for bipolar folks), there’s a symptom cluster I’ve held off on covering until now (for dramatic effect, ofc): - Increase in energy or goal-directed activity - Increased or excessive involvement in activities that have a high potential for painful consequences

For those in a mixed-feature depressive episode that suffer from these symptoms, you’ll see an ability to commit to and methodically complete some goal. They’ll have the energy to do so and do so with almost neurotic abandon. You’ll also see them plunge into extremely risky activities or set off towards goals that are clearly a very bad idea. The way I like to describe it is that, in such a state, self-control goes out the window and everything seems like a totally plausible and great idea. It’s like removing the brakes from a car that’s heading down a mountain. There’s no real stopping. There’s just steering towards whatever looks best.

I, Strahd, Part II, chapter 4 is possibly the best unintentional literary portrayal of a mixed-features depressive state that I’ve ever come across. We see him obsessively working to find some sort of magical solution to his Tatyana problem. The recounting of this event coincides with a stream-of-consciousness commentary that grows more out of touch with reality by the minute.

It begins with a blowout fight between Strahd and Lady Illona. Lady Illona attempts to confront Strahd about a previous blowup he’d had over Tatyana and Sergei gifting expensive jewelry to a peasant. The previous exchange had already been uncharacteristic of the man but his fight with Illona- though it openly ends with minimal damage- was internally out of left field.

“Anger such as I’d never known before burned through me from the bones outward. I felt that if I held on long enough to the chair arms, they would kindle into flame from the heat.” (I, Strahd, p. 121)

His rambling internal thought process transitions from his irritation with Tatyana to a convoluted path of fractured logic. I’m going to give you a very janky outline of the thought process which spans the first 5 pages of the chapter, to exemplify the racing thoughts and erratic behavior:

Tatyana+Sergei give necklace to peasant -> peasant may just be taking advantage of their charity -> [insert spontaneous angry outburst] -> [Insert another spontaneous angry outburst] -> she shouldn’t have done that because it was stupid and I also gave them the necklace -> she’s naïve and needs guidance from someone that’s not an idiot -> You know whose also an idiot? Sergei -> yo sergei might actually just get completely shivved for being too nice -> God that’d be really sad for Tatyana -> damn they’ll be leaving after the wedding -> I could convince them to stay -> god I’m fucking jealous of Sergei -> God I really like tatyana -> [>out-of-nowhere paragraph about crippling depression<] -> one page of random observations about the castle rn -> Alek fun facts -> you know what alek got me once? Books, magic books -> [*Immediately tangents off to go neurotically study them*] (I, Strahd p. 119-124)

Strahd is a strange person overall. However, he’s not this strange. Not consistently, at least. In the book, before Sergei and Tatyana were on scene (i.e., before his mental state began to tank), we really don’t see any behavior to this degree of unhinged. The writing itself also physically becomes increasingly more erratic as his mental state declines. The way his prose is structured, especially during Part II, Chapter 4, fluctuates rapidly between rambling paragraphs with barely cohesive themes to short staccato sentences of random thought and observation.

(TL;dr: he wasn’t this weird before. This abrupt shift is abnormal and is telltale evidence that he’s in an altered mental state)

[3] Psychotic features I hesitated adding the section at first, because this is where the lines between reality, psychosis, and magic blur. However, after a great deal of agonizing over my Word doc, I decided to keep this section in.

Because of the nature of psychosis, and because the only recounting we have is from his point of view, we will never be able to truly know what was, and was not, the product of The Dark Powers (TDP). Specifically, this dilemma arises when discussing hallucinations. However, it can also be seen in certain delusions as well.

Before the point in the chapter where voices begin to speak to him out of the darkness, we do see signs of preceding delusional thought processes. This is yet another blurred line; as the racing thoughts and impulsivity of a mixed state and the beginnings of a truly delusional belief intermingle. The latter certainly evolved from the former. What was likely the impulsive internal ramblings of a declining mind evolved into a cemented believe that is utterly out of touch with reality. Of course, I speak of his obsession with Tatiana and his perception of her. Though, I think we can all agree that it worsened in warped closer to the wedding he drew. And, after the wedding, became irrevocably nonsensical.

What I do not term as delusion is his idea that resorting to dark magic was the best way to deal with his “Tatyana problem”. This more exemplifies the “rationally irrational” thinking of a mixed state. There is still a grounding in reality. Using dark magic is a realistic option, it does avoid having to actively do something horrid to other people (or, it did initially). However, it also runs the risk of irrevocably fucking him over in some unseen, cosmic way. But, this is where the impulsivity comes in. The brakes are off the car. That road looked like a good idea in the moment, even though he flew straight past the ‘cliff ahead’ sign.

““That’s a very old book, you should handle it more carefully.” The voice- coming from everywhere and nowhere- took me cold.” (I, Strahd, p. 129)

Throughout the rest of the chapter, and then the rest of the book, and then the next book, and, ultimately, the eternity of his existence– voices periodically surface during his deep depressive states.

I would certainly term the hallucinations, if that’s what some of them are, as mood congruent. They arise in moments of true despair or panic during his less than lucid states. Tatiana’s death, for example, elicits a truly horrifying internal cacophony of laughter and other skin crawling things. Indeed, these moments are among the most chilling across all of the Ravenloft Dark Lord novels. And, or certainly the most chilling and I, Strahd (1&2).

Strahd certainly suffers from depressive delusions, that is some thing I personally don’t see as up for debate. Indeed, this rambling paper alone barely scratches the surface of examples in the books.

Hallucinations, however, are lost in a grey area that even I cannot wholly detangle. So, the best we can afford is speculation.

(TL;dr: he meets the criteria for depression with psychotic features overall, but whether or not he hallucinates is up in the air)

Are they Hallucinations or TDP? I will keep this section short, because it is speculative in the end. And, I encourage y’all to puzzle it over yourselves, as it is a truly interesting dilemma.

Personally, I do think he may have moments of hallucination. However, TDP can easily latch onto these moments and make them far far worse. They can also keep him guessing as to what is him going mad and what is their meddling taunts. A lot of his ‘hallucinations’ are dark powers, especially during the events surrounding the wedding night. Afterwards, however, there are certainly moments that I could see being merely crafted by his own despair.

The second novel, one which I find to be the most entertaining comedy in the Ravenloft pantheon, begins with a suicide attempt.

I’m not going to recount this in detail or put quotes in, the novel is accessible online if you’d like to read in detail, however, essentially consists of Strahd throwing himself from a high place after the death of yet another Tatyana.

This moment is significant in Ravenloft 2e’s history, because it is the first time we learned that a dark Lord cannot die. However, is still a suicide attempt and the imagery and auditory hallucinations surrounding it are subtle enough to where they could very well be sourced merely from his own mind. And not the dark powers.

Suicidal Ideation in I, Strahd: War Against Azalin Rounding out on a happy note, I wanted to take a brief moment to talk about the aforementioned suicide attempt. In the latter half of the first novel, Strahd essentially spends several years in a deep depressive slump locked in his castle. Thoughts of despair are rarely far from the page, however, we never see any active attempts to end things. This changes in the second novel and sets an unsettling precedent.

In the grand scheme of things, his initial attempt takes place fairly early in the history of 2e Ravenloft. Indeed, he hadn’t even met the likes of Madam Eva. And this is worrying, because it sets a precedent of suicidal ideation and self harm practically from the beginning- long before adventurers even have an inkling of the mists, let alone find themselves ensnared by them.

Into “modern nights” he likely still struggles with such tendencies during depressive episodes. After all, Strahd is in an environment which actively seeks to eviscerate everyone’s mental well-being. Because of this, it would essentially take an act of god to wrench him from depressive cycling. But the gods cannot save you in Ravenloft, especially not in second edition¹.

And so, Strahd is left with probably the most unseen aspect of his curse: the inability to truly be free of despair.

== Sources, Further Reading, and Resources ==

🦇Ravenloft Sources: I, Strahd: The Memoirs of a Vampire. P.N. Elrod (1993) I, Strahd: The War Against Azalin. P.N. Elrod (1998) ¹Domains of Dread. William W. Connors & Steve Miller (1997) 🔬Non-Ravenloft Sources used: (I suggest poking the links in yellow for further reading if you're curious!) - American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). doi link - Hooley, J. M., Nock, M., & Butcher, J. N. (2021). Abnormal psychology. Pearson. - Koukopoulos, A., & Koukopoulos, A. (1999). Agitated depression as a mixed state and the problem of melancholia. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 22(3), 547- 564. doi link - Gillette, H. (2021, December 22). Agitated depression: Definition, symptoms, and treatments. Psych Central. Website link - Major depression with psychotic features. Mount Sinai Health System. (n.d.-b). Website link - Black, R. (2022, September 14). Psychotic depression: What it is and what you should know. Psycom. Website Link

🧠 Mental Health Resources: Feeling agitated, scattered, or having low mood doesn't necessarily mean one is suffering from a depressive disorder. Life is rough, sadness and rough patches are part of the gig. However, if you, or someone you know, are considering self-harm or experiencing suicidal ideation, you aren't alone. I am not a professional, but here are immediate resources: Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24 hours a day at 800-273-8255. Text “HOME” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741.

== My Obligatory Rambling Author's Note ==

Hey, congratulations on making it all the way through! Have a croissant 🥐 I've had this post in the works for... 2 years now? And I will say, I'm glad I waited to scrape things together. I've gained a lot of perspective and knowledge which has helped me hone this... rambling word vomit into a cohesive(ish) form.

"It wasn’t until college that I realized why I, Strahd had almost eerily familiar undertones to it all. Indeed, the prelude to that fated wedding gave almost a strange sense of DeJa’Vu when reading it for the first time in late high school. After I was diagnosed with bipolar II during the summer between freshman and sophomore year, I finally had the words and context to realize why things looked so eerily familiar. The sudden erratic turn to a goal or obsession out of left field, the nights spent feverishly, methodically, hurtling towards some clearly delusional doom as if it were the most logical thing in the world? I’d seen facets of it before many, many times. And I’d also seen the crippling, self-destructive, anguish of deep depression." (Scrapped draft, p. 9-10)

All of us have that one character in literature/film/tv that's just... special or impactful. Whatever arcs or journeys they've followed have somehow personally touched us and come at an important time in our lives. They're special in a way that's hard to articulate. Unfortunately, Strahd happens to be mine- and it's largely because of the everything^^^ mentioned above (minus the psychosis, I thankfully have been spared that struggle).

I have yet to come across another character that struggles with mixed-features in depression, to this degree. But beyond that, I also bumped into I, Strahd (and Strahd as an NPC via the CoS module) when I was in high school. This was a time where I was beginning to subclinically cycle through lowgrade depressive and hypomanic episodes. It was a very dark time, and that hot mess of an NPC happened to be one of the few things that was more of a hot mess than I was. As bad as things got, especially in early college before I was medicated, at least I never plunged my house into a demiplane- ya know?

It's strange what we take small comforts in. But, it's too late to pick a different one. I'm already too deep in the vintage Ravenloft book collection to turn back now. That, and, when you struggle with something oddly niche? You take the rep where you can. Even if that "where" happens to be a generally villainous dark lord with the social graces of a irritable toad.

Any ways, thanks for sticking with this! I know it's long, depressing (no duh) and a bit incohesive. I'm a dyslexic writer, so, cohesion can be a bit difficult at times. If I have time, I will do a part 2 on analyzing his illness' implications on the books (namely his culpability in stuff). And a part 3 on writing for/running this type of mental illness, if folks are interested. I've been running this strange creature for... many years now. And have good writing samples from pbp games i've run for folks looking for inspo on how to pull off the... the everything above^

- Catslug

#in this essay i will #strahd von zarovich #strahd #curse of strahd #ravenloft #dnd #dungeon master #ravenloft2e #catslug essay #dungeons and dragons homebrew

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underfaller · 10 months

Text

Chapter 7: ζ (Pt.2)

Pairing: dottore x angel!reader

Summary: You are a Heavenly Messenger from Celestia that’s been captured by a mysterious Doctor

CW: violence

Word count: 3k

You find yourself in a familiar place. You take small, tentative steps forward, looking around with an emotionless gaze. It’s nighttime. The empty streets of Celestia are quiet as usual. You’d usually revel in such silence, but right now, it makes you feel even more wistful and lonely. As you continue walking, you see a familiar person. She’s standing in front of the fountain you two always sat at as children. You know who it is before you even remember her name. You place a hand on her and as she turns around, a lump forms in your throat.

“R-rider?”

Rider doesn’t answer you. In fact, she refuses to even look at you. That messy, vermillion hair of hers covers half her face, obscuring her expression. You don’t care though. You embrace her, choking back a sob.

“I’ve missed you.”

You step back, giving her a wry smile to ease the awkward silence.

“Do you even recognize me?”

Your friend still doesn’t answer. It’s then that you suddenly feel upset.

No, it isn’t sudden. You’ve always been upset, ever since the last night you spent together. Sad that she left, angry that she was so eager to. Or maybe you’ve been upset longer than that. Not just at her, but at Celestia, mortals, the other messengers, and most of all, you.

But right now, only one of those individuals is in front of you, so you can’t help but direct this pent up despair and frustration at your closest friend.

“Of course you wouldn’t,” You whisper, gritting your teeth as your fists clench. “Do you even remember me? Or have you found new friends exploring Teyvat? I think about you-- I thought about you-- every day for so long. But you… You’ve probably forgotten all about me.”

You let out a humorless laugh.

“If you hadn’t left, if we’d stayed together, if you’d kept your promise-- perhaps things would’ve gone differently. This is all your fault!”

She stays silent.

“Say something, gods dammit!” You yell. You feel your anger take over as you grab Rider by the collar of her shirt, shaking her violently. Her head lobs about like a doll before she snaps forward, looking at you and smirking.

“Well?” You spit.

Rider opens her mouth, uttering, “My, my. You have quite the fever.”

Your eyes snap open. Dottore’s standing over you, hand on your forehead, that familiar smug expression on his face.

“Pyrexia after a fracture is often caused by infection, my dear.”

Instantly, you jerk away from him, the sudden movement sending waves of pain through your broken appendages as you press yourself against the wall. Despite your dreams, you wish you’d stayed asleep. You wince as you let out a hiss of pain.

“Get away from me.”

Dottore crosses his arms.

“Hmph. Why do you continue to fight me? Perhaps you don't want my help.” Dottore frowns and shrugs before narrowing his eyes at you. “No matter. I wouldn't help you anyways. You've brought this upon yourself, after all. I'm simply here to observe the effects of your injuries.”

You are well aware that he won’t. This isn’t the first time the Doctor has come to visit you. He simply comes to check if you’re still alive or to mock you like right now. You glare, but it’s a pitiful facade- like an animal's last ditch effort to survive. You’re half delirious from the fever and pain-- perhaps it’s making you bolder. Or maybe you just didn’t care what he did to you anymore. Something inside you snapped when he broke your wings. You truly were defeated.

But there’s no way in hell you’d let him know.

“Your delight in my suffering is a bit too evident, Doctor. I'm beginning to think you wanted me to attempt an escape so you could do this.”

Dottore hums with amusement.

“I won't deny it adds a bit of spice to our already interesting dynamic. But no, my dear, I'm simply making use of the situation,” He leans forward, gazing deep into your indignant face. “In fact, I'm a bit disappointed that you would fall for such an obvious trap. Perhaps I overestimated you.”

“Tch.” You scoff. You feel a bit of satisfaction seeing Dottore’s face twitch with annoyance. You know he hates it when you do that.

“It would have been even more illogical to stay. Even a sliver of chance that I may have to leave you is worth the risk.”

“Fascinating. You still have some fight left in you despite everything. You’re not as weak-willed as I thought,” The Doctor reaches for your cheek, mockingly caressing it, before lifting your chin sharply with a gloved finger. He gives you a toothy grin. “ But do you really think you can escape me that easily? Did you really think you’d be able to kill a Harbinger? You may pretend, but you certainly are not the strongest individual.”

Your head pounds. It’s hard to focus on your conversation in this state. Your body is clammy as you feel a chill run through you. How is it possible to be so hot yet so cold at the same time? Still, through your ailments, you glare at Dottore.

“I'm not stronger than you, no, but you're not perfect... as much as you believe you are...I'll just wait till you actually do slip up.”

It’s at those words that Dottore lets out a roar of laughter.

“Ohoho! Is that so? Then you’ll be waiting an eternity because I do not ‘slip up’.”

His fingers move from your chin to your neck, tracing your jugular vein.

“I must say, I do miss the obedient, docile version of you,” Dottore muses. “This rebellious streak is a bit childish, no? Perhaps I should rip out your vocal chords so I don’t have to hear your little, snippy remarks.”

As he says that, his hand wraps around throat. His tight grip cuts your airflow as he presses your head painfully against the wall. Your hand clasps over his, trying to pry his fingers off.

You’ve never hated this man more than now. You would try to escape a hundred times and more if it meant even a chance of freedom. However, you couldn’t help but feel a twinge of regret for attempting to do so. Part of you wishes you’d never tried and had continued being his good, little assistant. Part of you wishes he wouldn’t be upset with you. Still, your anger outweighs any desire to please this monster. You cough, choking out a reply.

“Do what you want.... at least I know you won't kill me. You need me.”

Dottore lets out another laugh.

“Oh? Do I indeed?” Dottore states. His grip tightens as he leans forward, whispering, “Don’t think too highly of yourself. You may be my favorite test subject in a while, but I certainly don't ‘need’ you. And I certainly don't want mouthy, disobedient subjects. If you were any regular mortal, your corpse would already be floating down the Snezhnaya River.”

Dottore lets go of you and you fall forward a bit, coughing. Your hand finds its way towards your throat. You grimace as you lightly touch your aching skin. You don’t have to see your neck in the mirror to know it’s already bruising. Dottore’s hand brushes against your right wing, bruised and swollen. A wicked glint flashing across his masked face.

“As a scientist, I shouldn't be interfering with the subject during such an experiment, however...Sometimes amusement is more important than curiosity when it comes to these things.”

You let out a pained gasp as Dottore suddenly squeezes your wing. You try to move away, but he pushes you back, climbing on the cot. His knee presses into your body as he straddles you in place, giving you no escape from his torment. Dottore continues to dig his hand into your broken wing, feeling precisely where he snapped your radius and presses it. You try not to cry-- you don’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing your tears. You bite the inside of your lip until a metallic taste fills your mouth.

“What’s that? Aren’t you going to say something? No more retorts?” Dottore chuckles, squeezing your broken wing even harder.

Dottore smiles viciously as he watches you writhe under him. He’s enjoying every moment of this. As the torment goes on, you betray yourself and your face is soon tearstained as you cry and beg him to stop. You regret even speaking at this point. The room is filled with the sounds of Dottore laughing and your own cries. How did he always manage to reduce you to such a pathetic state?

You can feel your consciousness slipping. With your fever, your delirium, and this pain-- you’ve overexerted yourself. As your eyes close, one last thought passes through your mind.

I wish things would go back to the way they were.

There’s a loud crash in the lab. Several glass jars shatter on the ground. Dottore has thrown the Khaenri'ahn journal at the wall.

How long has he been trying to decipher this piece of trash?

You’re taking your anger out on an inanimate object when it’s your own shortcomings at fault.

“Oh shut up,” Dottore mutters to himself. He sits up, stabbing the scalpel he’s been mindlessly twirling in his fingers into the desk. There’s enough frustration in that stab to keep the blade standing upright in the wood. Dottore huffs as he shuffles over, picking the book from the ground with a long sigh. He looks down at the chemicals blending together at his feet-- those two should definitely not be mixing together. He rolls his eyes, waving his hand.

“Darling, clean this up for me,” Dottore says, shaking the journal of the spilled contents as he turns towards where you usually are. However, instead of seeing you diligently working on whatever task he’s given you, you of course, are not there.

Oh.

That’s the last straw. Dottore slams the journal back on the ground, grumbling as he storms towards the cleaning closet in the back of the lab. He rips open the door, sending several pieces of cleaning supplies skittering across the floor. Dottore grabs what he needs, before slamming the door closed again and stomping back to his mess.

“Must I do everything around here?” He says aloud.

As Dottore fervently begins cleaning, his mind inevitably lingers back to you. You and that cursed journal-- it’s all he ever thought about these days. Two pains he can’t seem to get rid of. Even if you are the perfect lab rat, he’s beginning to wonder if having someone immortal around is more of a curse than a stroke of luck.

Although, Dottore has become more accustomed to your presence than he’d like to admit. You are a bit more useful than he expected. He never realized how many mindless tasks he did until he shoved them all on you. With you out of commission, he’s stuck having to do them again.

Furthermore, the lab is much too quiet without your snide remarks.

“Tch,” Dottore shakes his head.

Great, now you have him doing it too.

It is your own fault. If you hadn’t tried to run away, he wouldn’t have broken your wings…Probably. Not at that moment, for sure. It’s your fault that you are now stuck in just a pitiful state and he’s without an assistant to clean up this mess.

I swear, I do not have time for these things. When I decipher that asinine journal, I’ll use that knowledge to create a clone or something. Someone who doesn’t run away from me the first chance they get.

He finishes cleaning, picking up the journal and resuming his work.

Perhaps it would be easier to just let you translate this…

Dottore draws in a long, frustrated breath. He is a stubborn man--And prideful to boot. He’d never stoop so low as to ask someone from the gods for help. The very thought makes him recoil with disgust.

However, the only thing Dottore could despise more than asking for help is not knowing something. He sighs and stands up, leaving the lab with the journal in hand.

Why did it have to be you?

Dottore bursts into your room once again. It’s been a full day since he last saw you, but you still look rather irate at his presence, probably still vexed from his actions yesterday. Why did you have to always hold a grudge? He doesn’t pay heed, instead striding towards you and dropping the journal on your lap.

“You can read this, correct?” Dottore demands.

You pick it up, flipping through its contents before nodding.

“I already said I could read this.”

“I need you to translate it then.”

“Wait… does the great Doctor not know something? That’s actually surprising,” You say, before muttering under your breath. “And a please would’ve been nice.”

Cheeky little-

“I do. But I want you to teach me this language as well,” Dottore responds bluntly.

“Me… teach you?” You raise an eyebrow before pursuing your lips.

“I’m still the smartest man in Teyvat. Which is why it is absolutely embarrassing to admit not knowing something as simple as an ancient dialect like this. So yes, I want you to… educate me.”

You cock your head, “Isn't it a bit odd to ask your captive to tutor you?”

“Careful…” Dottore hisses, eyes glinting dangerously. “You have a lot of other bones I can snap.”

“Alright, I digress,” You say, giving Dottore a weak smile. You turn your attention towards the journal, flipping through it. As you do, Dottore can see your eyebrows furrowing in thought. At first, he’s afraid you actually can’t read it, but instead you turn towards him, saying, “This is absolutely blasphemy. To create life is a sin to the concept itself.”

Dottore feels relief wash over him, but he doesn’t show it, instead crossing his arms and giving a small laugh. So he was correct-- this journal contains the Art of Khemia.

“Naturally so. The gods never allow much fun, do they?”

“I'll need another journal to translate this into. But I must say, my use of this language is a bit rusty. It’ll take me a while to refresh myself,” You respond. “Also, you don’t even know if the knowledge in this is accurate. Perhaps don’t get your hopes up?”

“Ah my darling, the thrill of discovery is exhilarating in itself!” Dottore declares. “Now if you’ll excuse me…”

Dottore’s nearly salivating over this knowledge. He certainly does not care about morals, let alone the gods' wills themselves. In fact, the idea that this is taboo excites him more. Angering the gods? That was something he did by merely existing. You can clearly see his enthusiasm and respond with a look of disdain, however, you do not argue with him.

You watch him leave before quickly returning with a blank journal, writing utensils, and some medical supplies. Your eyes warily glance at the tools in his hands. He laughs.

“Oh, my sweet little birdie. Don't be so paranoid! This is for you.” Dottore hands the blank journal and pen to you.

“And this…” He shakes the medical kit. “...Is to fix you up.”

You narrow your eyes as you skeptically examine him.

“Tch...why are you helping me now?” You hesitate.

Why must you always ask so many questions?

“We have a lot of work ahead of us and I need my teacher to stay conscious throughout my lessons,” Dottore explains shortly. He hands you a couple of pills. “Take these.”

You stare at him. He sighs. Skeptical as always.

“It’s Acetaminophen. For your fever.”

You take it.

As Dottore works on making a splint for your wings, you begin your translations. He peers over your shoulder curiously. The bits you’ve already written fully capture his attention. He couldn’t wait to read it in its entirety. You turn towards him.

“Yes?”

“Nothing,” Dottore mutters. He looks down, having completely forgotten about the task at hand. As he continues, you begin to speak.

“Why don’t you have any other assistants?”

“What?” Dottore looks at you with confusion. “Where did such a question come from?”

“Well, when I tried to escape, I didn’t run into anyone. Now that I think of it, it’s a bit odd, no? Shouldn’t someone of your ranking have a bunch of assistants and guards?”

Dottore waves his hand in dismissal, responding shortly.

“People find it difficult to work with me.”

You let out a bitter laugh.

“That is an understatement, Doctor.”

Dottore glares at you, crossing his arms.

“Well, I don’t find them very pleasant to work with either,” He scoffs. As Dottore observes your injuries, he makes a humming noise. “I really did a number on you, didn't I?”

You turn a bit. He can see that familiar, annoyed glint in your eye.

“Admiring your handiwork?”

Dottore laughs humorlessly.

“Well, what can I say? I put pride in all my work.”

He continues to examine your wings.

“Hmm... The left bone dislocated. I'll have to move it back into place before I splint it.” Dottore says as he firmly grips your left wing.

“This may hurt quite a bit.”

You let out a hiss of pain as he quickly shifts the bone in place. You grip the sheets of the bed tightly. He can tell you’re trying very hard not to cry. He would’ve drawn out the process until you did if you weren’t translating that journal. He didn’t want your tear stains on the paper. When he’s finished, Dottore splits your appendages, wrapping a clean bandage around them. As the Doctor stands up, he can’t help but tease you one last time.

“Poor thing. So much trauma for such a young bird. Good thing I take care of you, right?”

You open your mouth to argue, but quickly close it, deciding it wasn't worth arguing. Instead you simply respond, “Yeah....thanks.”

Good girl. Perhaps you weren’t such a dismal assistant, after all.

Dearest Y/N,

Celestia has ceased to give me messages to deliver, so I’ve joined the Forest Watchers in order to acclimate to life in the mortal realm. This is the one time my bow skills have been useful, haha. Despite enjoying it here, my time in Sumeru is coming to an end. I’m traveling to Liyue to aid a friend. Initially, I wanted to travel to Snezhnaya, however, the other Forest Watchers were quite adamant that I avoid that country. Apparently, there is quite a bit of unrest revolving around their politics.

I’ve learned much and met many people. I’ve made many friends I hold dear in such a short time. However, despite the new faces I meet, my mind always wanders back to yours. I miss you, dearly. I wish you would reply.

Rider

Past chapters here

#dottore #dottore x fem!reader #dottore x reader #genshin x reader #ao3 #cross posted on ao3 #genshin impact #fic: dead doves do not mourn

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hasu-ko · 8 months

Text

belladonna of sadness

Content: hotch x reader, unrequited love, pure angst, like pure pure angst, no happy ending, rossi being the greatest father figure you ever had, 3k.

A/N: Bruh, I'm so into Hotch these days that I've decided to write a fic about him after being on hiatus for almost 3 years. I just had to get these feelings out of my system. You people don't understand the intensity of my feels rn. I considered ending it on a happier note but then I decided that the angst is just so much better. Yes, my mother Stevie Nicks just had to be in this one.

"I'm leaving BAU, Dave," you finally breathed out the words that had been gnawing at the smooth walls of your stomach for what felt like an eternity.

It was a windy Friday night, and everyone from the team had already left after a particularly tiring case. Their thoughts were heavy, and their bodies yearned for rest and relaxation. You, on the other hand, dreaded going home, knowing that nothing but a cold bed awaited you there. It was a feeling that had haunted you for the past few years.

So, you did what you do best and immersed yourself in your work, catching up with everyone's paperwork and going through potential case files. Rossi decided to help you despite your stern protests.

The older agent's head snapped in your direction, utter confusion written all over his face.

"Why?" was all that he could muster.

"They offered me a teaching position at Cambridge. Maybe you don't know this, but I've always wanted a career in academia," you tapped your pen against the case file spread out in front of you as a lie passed your lips ever so nonchalantly.

"Don't even bother with petty lies, kiddo. It's because of him, isn't it?" Rossi sighed and ran his fingers through his colored hair.

You bit your lip anxiously, finally dropping all of your defense mechanisms. Despair that had been lightly simmering within you started boiling, burning your insides in a way that you had almost grown accustomed to over the past few months.

You let out a choked "yes," and all of a sudden, violent shakes overtook your tired body. All of the emotions that had been bottled up for ten years spilled out and wrecked every fine fiber of your being. You didn't know why you chose to tell Rossi everything that night. Maybe because he was the closest thing you ever had to a father, or maybe because you secretly hoped that he would make everything all right, like he always did.

"I just can't stand seeing him so damn happy with her, Dave. I know how selfish that sounds, but I've been nothing but selfless all these years. I've been there for him when he lost Haley. I've done everything I could to help him heal from that tremendous wound, and yet he still chose Beth. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret anything, Dave, but I'm just tired. He chose that stranger over me," you broke down completely, sobbing uncontrollably.

Rossi said nothing. For the first time in his life, he was rendered speechless. He knew you liked Hotch, but he never thought it was this deep and serious.

Now that the dam holding your emotions was shattered to dust particles, you continued.

"It hurts to be in the same room with him, David. It hurts so damn much. That man has brought so much pain and misery into my life, but I still love him as much as I did on the day that I first met him. It was easier when he was with Haley. I never had any hopes, but when she died, I thought..." you let out a bitter laugh, unable to finish that thought.

"You must think I'm an awful person."

Rossi just shook his head gently.

"Darling, you're just a human being."

"What is wrong with me, Dave? Why didn't he choose me?" you lifted your knees to your chest and buried your face in them.

Rossi stood up and wrapped his arms around your quivering form. You looked like a little child, so small and vulnerable. He wanted to scoop you up, kiss your forehead, and make things right, but he knew he couldn't. This was out of his control.

"Nothing is wrong with you, sweetheart. He just can't control whom he falls in love with. These things happen. You could be the most beautiful, the most brilliant, the most wonderful person in the world, which you are, but even that is not enough when it comes to love," he whispered in your ear.

"You know, I always tell people my job is the reason why I never got married, but the truth is, I love Aaron too much. The thought of loving another man twisted my insides in a way that no case could ever. I was so hopelessly loyal to him all these years, Dave. I wasted my life dreaming that one day he would love me back," you hurried to spill those words from your mouth, scared that your vocal cords would betray you before you could confess your deepest secret to someone.

For some strange reason, you looked for pity that night. You were so miserable by that point, and you just wanted someone to acknowledge your misery. People always sought the validation of their pain. They wanted to make sure that their problems were real, that they were not overreacting or imagining things, thinking that compassion and pity would do them some good. They never did.

Rossi took your head in his hands and forced you to look at him.

"We love to be in control; we love to think that our actions will somehow affect the outcome of our lives, but oh, how wrong are we. Sure, you can control certain aspects of your life, such as your career or hobbies, or any other man-made field, but we are helpless when it comes to things that matter. Maybe that is why we value love and friendship so much; because we can't choose who we fall in love with or which people we meet. All of those things happen naturally; one day you just wake up and realize that you've become best friends with someone without being able to pinpoint the exact moment in which the strong bond was created. Perhaps there is someone somewhere on this planet who could understand you better and love you better, but you will never meet them because you were not destined to meet them. Your love for him matters. Don't think that it was all for nothing because you did help him. You helped him a lot," he spoke slowly.

"The pain is unbearable, Rossi," you muttered lowly, tears finally ceasing.

"Until one day it gets bearable, and then it gets lighter, and then it turns into a shadow, and one day you wake up and it doesn't hurt anymore. You need time to heal. You need to do everything you can to help that process, even if it means moving halfway across the world," he got up and poured himself a glass of whiskey, visibly shaken by your sudden confession.

"Thank you. I appreciate everything you did for me," you stood up, legs still shaking.

"You are welcome. I'm always here for you," he smiled a pained smile.

"Actually, I have a favor, or two to ask."

"Anything."

"Promise me you won't tell him or anyone else on the team what you heard tonight in this room. Ever," you stared at him firmly with your puffy eyes filled with pure determination.

"I promise," Rossi didn't hesitate for even a second.

"Also, can you please host one last party for me? I'm leaving on Monday. Everything has already been settled with the higher-ups, so Aaron won't bother with that. I just want to see you all for one last time," you genuinely smiled at him.

"I'll make sure to gather them all on Sunday evening."

"Thank you, Dave," you walked up to him and kissed his cheek.

Before he could reply, you were already at the door.

You watched the people you considered your family lounging carelessly in Rossi's living room from your spot on the kitchen counter and hummed lightly along the tune of "Summer Wine" that played softly in the background. The chain of anxiety and guilt that wrapped itself around your lungs constricted just a little bit tighter at the mere thought of the task ahead of you.

They all looked so happy, and that made you doubt your decision, but one look at the man responsible for your current state reminded you that you had to do it.

Garcia laughed at something Morgan said, and you couldn't fight back a smile of your own.

"Better sooner than later," you heard Dave's whisper as he closed the wine cabinet after finding what he was looking for.

"I'm not telling them, David. I don't have it in me to watch their hearts get broken," you sighed softly, tracing soft patterns on a cool glass filled with orange juice.

"I know it's not my decision to make, but" Rossi started, but you quickly interrupted him by pushing yourself off the counter and walking toward the grand piano next to a huge window.

You smiled fondly at all of the memories created in that very spot. Ever since Dave returned to the team, you had a habit of dining at his place at least once a month. That's how the team found out about your affinity toward music. Playing for them brought you joy you hadn't felt since you played at your mother's parties.

You ran a finger down the keys, and as if on cue, they all gathered around you. The ability to bring happiness into your team's difficult lives kept you going for years. Now, it just wasn't enough.

Morgan and Garcia sat on a small sofa close to the grand piano. Emily, JJ, and Reid leaned against the kitchen island with drinks in their hands. Rossi stood behind you with worry written all over his features. He didn't even hide it anymore. Hotch must have picked it up as he furrowed his eyebrows, watching both of you from his spot in the living room.

Sitting down with a heavy sigh, you spoke.

"You know, it occurred to me that I never played you guys my favorite song. I was saving it for a special occasion, but what the hell."

As soon as those words left your lips, an interlude for "Has Anyone Ever Written Anything for You" started playing.

This song was a central piece of your most grandiose dream - marrying Hotch. You imagined playing it for the guests at your reception. As your fingers gracefully glided across the piano keys, the music filled the air with a sweet melody that resonated with the emotions of the day. Hotch's steps were gentle and deliberate as he approached you, a smile on his face, and love in his eyes. You, lost in the music and the joy of the occasion, were momentarily unaware of his presence. As he wrapped his arms around you, you felt his warmth and presence, and your heart skipped a beat. Your embrace was a symbol of your unity, your journey together, and the promise of a lifetime of happiness.

You squeezed your eyes shut as tears threatened to spill at any moment.

Has anyone ever written anything for you?

In all your darkest hours,

Have you ever heard me sing?

The pain in your chest multiplied by a thousand and stood as a stark reminder of the deep connection between mind and body. It was a physical manifestation of the emotional damage you had endured for too many years, a silent cry for help that demanded acknowledgment and healing. Your voice cracked. Ignoring it, you opened your eyes, which immediately found him, and carried on.

Listen to me now

You know I'd rather be alone

Than be without you

Don't you know?

No matter how painful his gaze filled with pity and fatherly compassion was, you didn't stop. Tears blurred your vision, but you knew you had to do it. This was the only way. The right way.

Has anyone ever given anything to you?

In your darkest hour

Did you ever give it back?

Well, I have

I have given that to you

If it's all I ever do

This is your song

A pair of hands wrapped around your shoulders in the gentlest of manners, and you felt Emily's ragged breath on top of your head. You leaned back against her warm and protective chest.

And the rain comes down

There's no pain and there's no doubt

It was easy to say, I believed in you every day

If not for me, then do it for the world

But there was pain, and it filled the whole house. It seized the hearts of your teammates as well. Garcia's loud sob managed to reach your ears even through the music. You didn't look at her. Even if you wanted to, you couldn't tear your eyes away from a single tear that traveled down Hotch's beautiful face.

You managed to rasp out the final words.

So if not for me, then do it for yourself

If not for me, then do it for the world

Suddenly, the air in the living room became incredibly heavy, suffocating you to the point where you thought your whole body would snap in two. Before anyone could react, you jumped out of Emily's arms and ran toward the door that led to the backyard.

Crisp October air filled your cramped lungs instantly, and you allowed yourself to breathe. Goosebumps formed under the long, flowy chiffon sleeves of your dress of choice for that night, and you couldn't tell if it was from the cold breeze or the whirlwind of emotions wreaking havoc inside of you. Your gaze climbed up and steadied itself on the full moon stuck to the heavens above. The moon had been your best friend for such a long time, and you pitied her for having to listen to your hushed secrets and anguished cries. The tears had dried along the way, and you looked at her with wide and watery eyes. You wanted nothing more than to climb up there, hide yourself in whatever hole she offered you, and wither away.

A presence next to you disturbed you from your train of thought, and soon after, Hotch's scent empowered every one of your senses.

"Beautiful. Isn't she?" you broke the silence, your tone of voice back to normal.

"Yes. I haven't looked up at the sky in such a long time," he crossed his arms over his chest.

You hummed mostly to yourself as you took another step toward the edge of Rossi's porch.

"How is Jack doing? With so much work at our hands, I haven't been able to visit him in what feels like months," you placed your elbows on the wooden fence in front, leaning at the same time in a desperate attempt to create more space between the two of you.

"Good. Great, actually. He's been asking about you, wondering why you don't stop at ours as much as you used to. I've been asking myself the same question for quite a while," he didn't miss a beat and mimicked your movements, letting his forearm brush against yours in the process.

In an instant, the ache soared in your chest again, and you let out a strangled breath.

"How is Beth doing? Jack seems to be in love with her as much as you are," choosing to ignore his remark, you shook an invisible knife penetrating your very soul, driven by a masochistic urge to wound it even deeper.

"I was planning on dropping by her place after the dinner. We haven't seen..." before he could finish, he was cut off by your shrill voice. You just couldn't take it.

"Stop it. I can't take it anymore, Hotch. I'll die if you finish that sentence," you haven't realized that teardrops started painting your face again.

"Darling, please. Don't do this," came in the form of a hoarse croak.

"No, Aaron, you broke my heart, you broke my entire life. You are the one who practically raised me long before Rossi came along. I built my life around you. Look at me, Aaron," you sobbed while turning to face him.

"I'm a pale shadow of a woman that I once was. Look at my face, look at these lines between my brows. Look at this hair falling out. Look how old my hands look, my skin almost see-through, frail."

He said nothing and just looked at you through his tears.

"You want to know the worst part of it all? You are so worth it, my love. You are so worth it. I would choose this life with you amongst all of the happier versions without you in it. I would go through all of this immeasurable pain over and over and over again just to see you smile that rare smile of yours that sends me into rapture. I would choose you even if you don't choose me. Always and for as long as I live," you poured your heart in front of him, watching him for what you knew would be the last time, trying to memorize every feature of his handsome face.

"I'm so sorry, I truly am," he finally wrapped his limp hands around your smaller form.

He couldn't help but notice how perfectly your body was snug against his, how warm you were, and how you smelled like oranges and vanilla.

"It is okay, baby. There is nothing to be sorry about; it's not your fault. You can't choose whom you fall in love with," you repeated Rossi's words in his white shirt, forever ruining it with whatever makeup was left on your face.

His grip around your shoulders tightened as if he was trying to push you into his ribcage in a desperate attempt to get even closer to you. Hotch's hot tears trickled down your neck and ended up being soaked into the fabric of your dress. You finally relaxed in his warm embrace, all of the intense feelings making you slump against him.

"I'm so sorry that I can't give you what you deserve," he whispered against your ear and proceeded to kiss your temple.

At that moment, something just snapped inside you, as if someone cut the electric wiring in the middle of a rave party. Darkness painted your insides and numbness finally settled in.

You pulled away from him and cupped his face in your small hands.

"Here's what we're gonna do, Hotch. You and I will wipe away these tears. Then we will go inside, and we will pretend that this never happened, just like you pretended that my feelings never existed for the past 10 years. We are going to play and sing and laugh with our friends. Then we will come into the office tomorrow, and JJ will brief us on our latest case, and life will go on," your voice was utterly devoid of any emotion as you lied to him in the most blatant and shameless way and wiped his face with the fabric of your sleeve.

The dullness of your eyes frightened Hotch more than anything he had ever seen in his life, but before he could respond, you started dragging him back inside with a fake smile plastered on your face.

"Let's go back inside, my love. Tomorrow is a new day."

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kingdomhate · 5 months

Text

First Glance (Part Five)

Warnings: Alluding\Mentions of torture, one-timed cursing, death, intense sadness.

As Anakin speeds away, his eyes determined and at the same type confident, confident he will find his mother. No other thought in his mind, he maneuvers the speeder to make sure he can go in every direction of potential civilization.

The first three times, he was informed of nothing, but with his Jedi instincts and his overconfidence, Anakin was sure he would eventually find someone with sufficient information to find the Sandpeople. At sunset, Anakin got his wish, the hardwork and endless hours of asking and demanding answers, he finally got his questions answered.

Parking his speeder behind a couple of sand mounds, Anakin hopped out and perched himself on the highest mound he could find, looking at the unaware and oblivious people below him; working to keep the fire going and heading into their respective homes. Anakin swiftly skulked into the compact village, his hand on his lightsaber at his hip just for added measure, he looked into the modest-sized windows, checking a majority of them without getting caught, and without sight of his mother.

Until he reached the very last house; no different in appearance to the rest of the bundle, but nevertheless, lightened by the warm glow of the raging but slowly dying fire. Anakin's eyes darted around to check the scenery; empty. But he caught glimpse of someone, although the moved the slightest of inches, he saw them, and to his great surprise, it was his poor mother. Anakin ignited his lightsaber and used it to create a hole in the side of the house and step in.

Hurrying over, Anakin's hands went to check his mother for vital signs: her pulse was detectable, but faintly. Shmi, strapped to a board, wearing nothing but rags, bound and gagged, her fearful eyes swept to Anakin's, fear meeting anger, the two feelings colliding and creating fierce anger. Anakin's fingers worked at her gag, tossing it to the side as Shmi stared at him. When Anakin cut the ropes that bounded his mother to the wall. Shmi fell back, having no apparent balance or strength to fight the fatigue plaguing her mind, Anakin swiftly caught her, sinking to his knees with his mother cradled closely in his embrace.

From the ropes around her wrists and ankles for God knows how long, it resulted in horrible, bloody abrasions that rubbed deep into Shmi's skin. "Mom.." Anakin whispered, his voice cracking. Shmi's hand, weak and battered, caressed softly over Anakin's cheek, before cupping it. "Ani..." She whispered back, the voice Anakin once knew had grown hoarse and so deep into the depths of abuse that it sounded so unlike the warm, loving and tender voice of his mother.

"Mom, why.... why did they do this to you? Why?" Anakin felt the tears pricking in his eyes, but he did not resist, the sight of someone you know only ever loved, in your arms, withered thin and reduced to nothing, the sight makes you lose all sense of self and collapse into a mess of a person. "Ani, I-I....I...I.." Shmi's voice grew more and more faint, her hand still resting on her son's cheek, but her sense of strength wearing more and more frail and feeble. "I l-love you." She spoke as soft as the breeze of summer, her words stabbing through Anakin's heart like ice. He watched in remorse, pain and despair as the life in his mother's eyes faded, and along with that, her body went stiff.

Waiting for Anakin was normally so difficult, but this time, it seemed impossible. Your mind stormed with questions, your stomach burned with anticipation, but the feelings in you ached for the sight of him, to appease your eyes, but you had been waiting all night for him, after he left. Throughout the steadily decrease in temperature and the many warning of Cliegg's that there are predators out at night, scavenging for food, you remained seated on the sand. Some might say it was stubbornness and some might say it was a pathetic attempt to show how much you were remorseful for the argument the two of you shared which ultimately lead to his one-man departure.

However, time decelerated for you at the familiar and welcoming sight of Anakin's speeder, as you stand up and gaze at it, waiting and hoping to see Anakin hop out with his mother, you see Anakin step out, and then move to the passenger side and carry a motionless, wrapped in cloth body.

The look he gave you when he passed you and when Cliegg and Aika stepped outside, was one of pure guilt and anguish so deep, it made tears flood into your eyes. Anakin laid Shmi down, and went inside, grabbed a shovel, came back out and began digging. Cliegg's eyes were wide, but more than surprise or shock, it reflected a look of absolute crest-fallenness. You cautiously approach Anakin, but then stop yourself, as he had so quickly dug the grave and tenderly placed Shmi's body into the resting place, as a mother would carry a child to their crib.

As soon as he had covered the grave with sand, he took a moment to just stand there, to process the pain he felt and then he swept passed you, his eyes a noticeable hollow. "Anakin?" You breath out as you find him in his old bedroom, rebuilding a few random parts with intense but underlying blankness in his eyes. "She's gone." He croaked, the tone of his voice as soft as the wind but as raging as the sea. "She's gone and I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't... get here sooner, and if I did? She would be here with me and I wouldn't have to feel like this. Feel so useless. Hollow, empty. It fucking hurts, Y\N." You strided over to him, wrapping your arms securely around his waist while leaning your head into his back. "I know, Anakin. I'm so sorry." He sniffles. "I should've been there! I should've.... I should've.." He broke down, sinking to his knees again with you behind him, you crawled to his face and pulled him into a firm, tight embrace.

The sounds of his loud sobs and wailing rung throughout the house, aiding Cliegg in his quiet remorse, but working against Aika's and your separate attempts at solicicing the two men. Anakin's arms stay motionless at his sides, but his he buries his head into your shoulder, muffling his desolate and dismal cries ever so slightly.

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Last Note: This is not the end of the series! I will be posting a comforting and loving part six soon!

#star wars #angst #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker #this was really sad #part five #first glance #series #hayden christensen #hope you enjoy #in a galaxy far far away #part six on monday #or friday!

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