#batman crack

[jaybarou]

Bruce Wayne becomes the rogue gallery's pet to vent to when the rumour spreads (read: Joker bitching) that Harley is spending some evenings with him.

I mean, all of them had kidnapped him at one point or another, right? Everyone has pointed a gun at Gotham's pretty boy and ranted a little. So they just... Let him talk back?

And sure, he is annoying, because nobody should have that much money and be that vapid at the same time, but??? Turns out the guy listens! And has questions!? I mean, he is not a genius like them, but there are some good questions in that ingenuity...

So some of the villains start to drop for a late threat (coffee) and sometimes their plots get deescalated before even taking off.

Harley is extremely amused by the development.

Alfred is so happy that Bruce has not had time to dress up nor has the batsignal been lit in the last weeks.

Bruce is annoyed. Annoyed because these people need a real doctor and he never finished his medicine studies. Annoyed because he wants to go out there and stop crimes. And annoyed because he has run the numbers and playing up Bruce's personna is actually preventing more crime than he ever did as Batman.

#Batman crack

[cat008101]

I like the idea that every robin has had atleast one secret society organisation obsessed with them, except Jason. And hes a little bitter.

I find it even funnier if there just where but he 100% got distracted by book.

Shadow organisation: Hello Brother Ja-

Jason: Is this a complete hand bond collection of Emily Dickinson?

And Jason just assumed one of Bruce's weird *friends* heard he like books.

#jason todd #batman crack #batkids #batman #wayne family adventures #red hood #jason todd book nerd

[daydreamerwonderkid]

CONTEXT: Poison Ivy got kidnapped by some baddies to harvest her pheromones and Harley tracked them down to either Crime Alley or Bludhaven. She's looking to team up and annoy the shit out of hangout with the resident vigilante to get her girlfriend back.

No, I have not written two different outlines for this premise. Shut the fuck up, you can't prove anything.

#batfam #batfamily #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #harlivy #poison ivy #harley quinn #batman polls #dc polls #batman crack #dreamer queue

[captainshazamerica]

Batboys / Robins as cat shifters AU / as cats / turned into cats Part 2:

Tim Drake:

Jason Todd:

Richard Grayson :

Damian Wayne:

#Batman #robins #Batfam #Jason Todd #Tim drake #Damian Wayne #Richard Grayson #Batfamily #bat family #shifter AU #cats #myedit #batman crack #Batfam au

[emma-d-klutz]

More Tim screwup headcanons. One time Tim screeched at a meeting of Rogues, “If you want to fuck my dad, THERE ARE BETTER WAYS!” and then turned inwards on himself and started viciously whispering, “shut up shut up shut up shut up!" The entire meeting (they understand this is still the comedic banter time and not the capture and torture the teenager who broke into their meeting time yet) exhanges glances. Harley gestures that he's crazy. Killer Croc asks who he's talking to, and Tim points at the bluetooth in his ear and says, "Everyone is making fun of me for calling Batman dad." This brings up general mutterings among the Gallery, as there is internal disagreement over whether the Robins are Batman's kids or not. "Is he your daddy or isn't he?" Mad Hatter asks. Tim says that's a complicated question and also none of their business. "If you're just looking for adult validation, there are better ways," Harley reprimands him.

It could have happened to any of them. But it happened to Tim.

#tim drake #batman crack #ok so the actual headcanon stops at him being mocked over comms but I had to have the parallel pointed out by someone

[comatose--overdose]

The ears on batman's cowl but they work like cat ears. They emote for him.

#batman #bruce wayne #batman crack

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce is constantly asking the kids what they like to eat so he can freeze dry their favorites into oblivion as apocalypse rations

#bruce wayne #batman #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #duke thomas #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #barbara gordon #batfamily #batfam #batboys #batbros #batgirls #batkids #batsiblings #batman family #dc comics #headcanon #crack #batposting #shitpost #tw food mention

[frownyalfred]

Bruce is Clark’s “my senses/powers are going insane right now, please cover for me” person and no one in the Justice League has ever fully caught on because Bruce (as Batman) will just suddenly start picking a fight with Hal Jordan (who is always down to argue) and distract the entire League long enough for Clark to either leave or get a handle on whatever is bugging him.

#kryptonian biology #I just want a fic where Clark is sobbing because of his senses for some reason #and Bruce just holds him #hmm #bruce wayne #batman #dc #justice league #Hal jordan #crack #morning thoughts

[lovesick-joey]

TW: table abuse (update: character death)

#dc #dcu #dcau #dc comics #dc art #dc artwork #dc fanart #dc crack #dcu art #dcu artwork #dc comics fanart #dc comics art #dc universe #justice league #the justice league #j'onn j'onzz #martian manhunter #batman #the batman #bruce wayne #superman #kal el #clark kent #hal jordan #green lantern #the flash #barry allen #shitpost #LovesickJoeyArt

[cat008101]

I love the idea that pre Dick Grayson, Bruce never really expected to share the batcave with anyone, so there was only one quickly accessible toilet built in the cave. And now when theres any batfam team ups, it's a fight on who can make it to the toilet first.

#batfam #batkids #jason todd #dick grayson #tim drake #damien wayne #duke thomas #cassandra cain #stephenie brown #barbara gordon #batman #red robin #batman crack #incorrect batman quotes

[webshood]

Wayne's social media where all Tim does is be everyone's 1# hater (accidentally deleted it lol)

It always backfires with Bruce

#batfam #dick grayson #jason todd #bruce wayne #damian wayne #duke thomas #batman #tim drake #red hood #cassandra cain #dc comics #stephanie brown #batgirl #red robin #robin #nightwing #orphan #the signal #crack post

[captainshazamerica]

Batboys / Robins as dog shifters AU / as dogs / turned into dogs Part 2:

Richard Grayson:

Jason Todd:

Tim Drake:

Damian Wayne:

#batman #Batfam #Batfamily #Jason Todd #Tim drake #Damian Wayne #Richard Grayson #Batfam au #dogs #Batman crack #shifter AU #myedit #robins

[the-witchhunter]

DP x DC: Wait... this isn’t a gay bar??

I was just thinking about Danny as a bartender at a rogues bar and then it struck me...

Danny thinks he works at a gay bar

Why? Well, have you looked at the clients? Bisexual queen Harley Quinn, lesbian icon Poison Ivy, Two Face is clearly bi(two)sexual and has a thing with Bruce Wayne, Scarecrow is probably ace or maybe aro, Riddler is at the very least homo romantic, hell, even if Red hood comes by he’s bi/pan AND poly

What I’m saying is, based off the clientele, Danny would think he works at a gay bar 

and based on the evidence they have a hard time disagreeing with him

#dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dp x dc prompt #dp x dc #dp x dc crack #bartender danny #danny thinks he works in a gay bar #BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT #half the regular batman rogues are pretty fruity #and so are the Bats frankly #haha 'Fruit Bats' #Dick is probably bi but I like to imagine him as somehow the only straight person in the Batfamily because I find it hilarious

[ryoalouette]

Batman looms over Phantom

And in an attempt to intimidate Phantom, he utters his name-

"Inviso-Bill."

AKA

Danny would really, really like that specific name to die off, thank you very much.

#dp x dc #dc x dp #dpxdc #dcxdp #crack #Danny would love that name to DIE plz #It's embarassing that Batman of all people call him that #prompt

[incorrectbatfam]

Has Bruce ever packed the kids lunch when Alfred wasn't there? How'd it go?

[Wayne Enterprises]

Tim: Finally, time for my break.

Tim: *opens his mini fridge*

*dozens of apples fall out*

———————

[the library]

Steph: *chugs a gallon of milk*

Cass: *bites into a bread loaf*

Barbara: I'm not even gonna ask.

———————

[day patrol]

Duke: *opens his lunchbox*

Duke: *sighs*

Duke: *pulls out his bat-skillet*

Duke: *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg—*

———————

[West-Reeve Middle School]

Damian: Kent, I will trade you your cupcake for this head of lettuce.

Jon: ...

Jon: Deal.

———————

[Bludhaven]

Jason: Bruce packed our lunches. He said we're supposed to share.

Jason: *hands him a bag*

Dick: What'd you get?

Jason: A frozen turkey. You?

Dick: *opens it*

*fire alarm goes off*

#bruce wayne #batman #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #duke thomas #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #barbara gordon #jon kent #batfamily #batfam #batboys #batbros #batgirls #batkids #batsiblings #batman family #super sons #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect quotes #incorrect dc quotes #dc comics #headcanon #crack #tw food mention #batposting #shitpost

[dead-girl-tells-stories]

DP x DC Prompt: The Watchlist

Batman has a watchlist. A list that contains every individual who could become a rouge and a contingency plan for if they did.  

And while they, his children, often make fun of his paranoia and him for having it, they totally understand why he did. They lived in Gotham, for Christ's sake. Where everyone’s just a pin drop away from being the city’s next big villain, forcing the bats to scratch their heads while playing cat and mouse with a sicko for a good few weeks. And while they won’t admit it, the list has helped them a few times. 

But that won’t stop them from making fun of any of the list’s new developments. Because you see, there was a new list. And it wasn’t just a watchlist. No, no, no. It was The Watchlist.

It was a new development after he and Robin went on an out-of-state mission to investigate some town in bum fuck nowhere Illinois. And it was under some pretty tight security as well, so they were expecting something good, like mad scientists or evil mayors. Not profiles of the kids who lived in the town. And while there were a few metas and vigilantes that made the list interesting, by the end of it all they just seemed to be teenagers. 

Until they saw Damian. They hadn’t seen him since he came back from the mission with B. He looked tired. Like ‘Tim hasn’t slept in a week and is surviving on just coffee beans’ tired.

“Ah, I see you all have found it. Good. A few of them will be arriving next week as they’re a part of Gotham Academy’s student exchange program. At least three of them will be staying in the manor with us. Father will need you all to be on standby and to be ready for any possible scenario. Please, for the love of all that is good, do not encourage them in any way, shape, or form. And please do not dismiss them either. The outcome of doing that will be much worse. Is there more that I should add? Yes. Will I? No, because you won’t understand. Not until you've seen what I have.” 

The demon child sighed, then looked them dead in the eyes. “Godspeed to us all.” Then walked away.

Okay, they were scared now.

#dp x dc crossover #dcxdp #dp x dc prompt #dp dc crossover #dpxdc #dc x dp #dp x dc #Batman and Robin went to Amity Park to investigate two mad scientists who were dealing with Lazuars waters #and instead #witness teenagers dealing with The Horrors (tm) like it was an everyday thing #because for them it is #Bruce KNOWS that the moment any of these kids crack its the end of the world as they know it #i like to think that all the kids are liminals and have powers but some aren't out about it as others #Danny knows that there's an outside entity in Amity but they don't seem hostile #protective even #so he leaves them be #i'm honestly not too sure what the profiles would look like #but i do know that they would look pretty normal until you either read into them too much #or was there to witness the shit he has witness #he's scared of those kids #but also want to protect/save them #cause the GIW still exist #and while not bad parents Fentons they aren't really good either #none of the parents are tbh