#changed my mind and deleted the under cut portion | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dastardlydandelion · 2 months

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a 2024 update

i keep circling back to the idea of deleting my tumblr. i’m not as active as I once was, my schedule changed (and workload intensified) in the time i began this blog to where i am now. the AI is really freaking me out but that’s not just a tumblr problem, (it’s everywhere 😱) so much less of a factor in my contemplation because i know i can't avoid it.

i’m also not the same as i was three years ago and euuugh, some of my early stuff makes me cringe so hard i want to delete just to distance myself from it!!! but like, evolution and change are just natural in the process of existing as a human being. in another three years, i’ll be even more different (albeit my pre-frontal cortex will remain fully developed so the changes will potentially be less pronounced). soo what am i gonna do, reset every three years like a robot getting a new computer chip??

this is going to get longer than i expected, so explanation continues under the cut:

nah. i may not be as active as i used to be and my opinions/interests may have shifted/evolved, but still, so many of my friends are here and there’s all this cool art, and gifsets, and what have you.

since this was and remains mainly a fandom blog, i’ll briefly summarize my major attitude shifts regarding fandom:

on the yellowjackets front, a significant decrease in hostility toward one travis martinez. like…okay I still don’t love that ben sent travis out alone hunting with nat after he pointed a gun! at her fucking face! and I still don’t love the portion of fandumb that straight up ignores that travis pointed a gun at natalie’s face, and yes it was kind of frustrating that the male characters in general got so much screen time in a show that’s supposed to be about female characters but like. none of that is travis the character’s fault— actually ykw, that’s one of my problems generally that i noticed, that i want to grow from— i keep letting fandumb (and content burnout) influence my perception of and response to characters/plot lines/ships rather than organically formulating my interpretations separate from that influence. i mean fandumb generally, not just YJ. blah blah blah, anyway, i apologize, travis martinez. you had to eat your baby brother. you sank your teeth into his freshly carved out raw heart. i want to both examine you from a more organic angle going forward and hug you now.

okay, okay, i was gonna break down my notable shifts in opinion by fandom, but going off of the aforementioned pattern that i have, maybe i should...no, no, let's keep going by fandom, i have that problem in *every* fandom, so.

ST! I FINALLY WATCHED IT. holy cannoli, okay, @lucdarling and @foxgirlontherun are buds that i remember telling for sure, but i know for sure i didn't tell all of my ST pals so i'll touch on that. watched it over the holidays with my grandma, who had been trying to get me to watch for some time and i finally caved.

1.) we get more glimpses of the demogorgon in the first season than i ever gave it credit for. myself of...however many years ago was just too damn impatient waiting to see the whole damn monster. we get a claw here, a growl there, a moving shadow, etc. its introduction was actually well done, so. years-ago me, you were WRONG. WRONG, I TELL YOU, WRONG.

2.) eleven does not have pyrokinesis. i knew she was telepathic (to a degree) and telekinetic, but for some reason, in the past i *also* believed she could set things on fire with her mind. i just thought she used that power less because fire is so destructive. well...now i know she doesn't have pyrokinesis at all!

3.) the byers do NOT live in a trailer. this i did actually learn before watching the show, i learned in 2022 when a bud sent me like, a pic of their lego byers house and i was like, oh. neat. that's not a trailer. 🙃 so that i did become aware before watching, but seeing it onscreen reminded me that i knew.

4.) billy has more canon depth than i had given him credit for, previously having just watched scenes for fic-reference out of context. i apologize, billiam (i don't attribute a shred of that depth to the duffballs, but that's a different rant). i think since i entered the fandom side of things long before watching, i got certain portions of fanon and canon confused. also-- much like with travis and some other examples i'm going to get into-- i let too much fandumb influence my response to him + impression of his role in canon.

5.) steve is nowhere nearly as irritating in canon as i thought he was. the things that i find irritating about steve are-- once again, see above examples --not really anything that has to do with the character himself! i'm sorry, steve!

on that note, sorry hairygrove friends!! i love you guys and it's been a gift getting to know each of you over the last few years, but i was pretty damn mean to steve sometimes! i should've been nicer to steve...and maybe bill, for that matter, but i mean, i'd written so much from his POV i think it goes without saying that i've always had affection for the latter, even if i probably should've given him more credit for canon characterization and been less presumptuous.

obviously having seen the show, i have more developed thoughts on ST overall, but i think those are just...the main differentiations between opinions formulated in the early days of this blog versus where i'm at now. friends of mine who watch ST, if you want to talk about it, i'm happy to! but please DM me personally and don't send asks about it. i don't want to answer asks because those get posted on the main blog. on the main blog the algorithm reads what's posted and sends you suggestions accordingly.

certain parts of ST S4VOL2 make me *extremely* uncomfortable. i scroll past gifs, art, edits, etc, of those parts on occasion already since i have so many ST friends and the algorithm suggests related content. and it's fine...but i don't want to give the algorithm more reasons to show me even more things that make me uncomfortable, you know what i mean?

guess that's it for ST.

so let's revisit the scream franchise!

might as well go ahead and get the biggest change out of the way: i no longer hate dewey riley!

good lord, for years i was just the stabbiest damn crab at that character. 🦀🔪 opinion officially evolved, evolved BIG time. i was once so irritated with dewey i straight up celebrated when he got killed off . the glee at his demise pushed the ghostface that killed him right up to the top of my ranking.

BOOOOOOOOO. BOOOOOOOOO ME.

...okay. i. i'm sorry, dewey.

once again, here goes me with this pattern that i need to stop. me raising up my hackles at fandumb and components of the character that are not *the* character. i don't like the hero cop trope. i don't. the copaganda of it all...but. a character's mere status of falling into a category of trope or cliche shouldn't discourage thorough examination of them, their personalities, role in the story, or other traits. that's a very small way to interact with fiction, isn't it? i've since moved on from that knee-jerk dismissal.

i also was also a huge flipping grinch when it came to romance for a long ass time (will touch on this later) and so much of dewey's story is about the romance between him and gale. which is...actually a pretty solid romantic storyline, i realize after multiple earnest re-watches of the franchises. dewey has a solid arc! gale has a solid arc! their romance has a solid arc! should not have complained about this nearly as much as i did. maybe it's because of the chemistry between the performers, but all their banter throughout the movies that i once rolled my eyes at...it...it works! okay, it works, they made it work.

i no longer rejoice that dewey is killed off (albeit the scene itself is still pretty freaking cool). amber definitely *isn't* my ghostfave. she's NOT at the bottom of my list but NOT at the top. actually-- wait, no, that can wait, i'm not done with dewey yet...or am i, do i have anything else to say about dewey?

okay, he's not my favorite character, but. he's a classic and he's lovable and i won't fight it anymore because of petty irritations or my personal issues with a trope that in no way makes up the whole of his character.

since we're on scream, whoa, GHOSTFACE RANKING HAS EVOLVED 11/10!

yes, oh, that is so much different than where it was when i started this blog! also very different after recency bias + initial script + the dewey kill scene undeservedly shot amber to the top of my ranking in early 2022.

i'm not going to detail my ranking in this post. that could easily be its own post with its own thorough dissections of which ghostface takes which slot and why. but i will bring up another scream character whose opinion of mine has greatly changed over time: richie kirsch.

i was so irritated by this guy before. couldn't stand him! and you guessed it, for the wrong reasons! i was put off by a lot of the outpouring of the horny focus on him in fandom. not shaming anybody for their preferences by the way! look, i have my own villain crushes (see beth, who is at the top of my ranking again although we'll save the details for another day). it's just...it was kind of frustrating back then to want to gush about the carpenter sisters and mostly find myself surrounded by risque white male centered content instead. i hope that's understandable. so i got burned out on richie content and dismissed the whole character. i was also VERY put off by radio silence's interpretation of their ghostface duo in 2022 but that's a different conversation and again, not richie the character's fault.

richie is funny! okay, he's funny, yes, the "boner pills" line is still irritating, but now...now when i re-watch 5cream i can appreciate him more and the humor of richie *mostly* lands for me! i also think scream VI made me appreciate richie more, because his family is so underdeveloped and wayne's actor made...choices with that performance. but again, that's something i would get into more if i were to detail the evolution of my ghostface ranking.

i think that's it for the major changes in my scream feelings...what other fandoms...

okay, cobra kai? how have my opinions evolved there?

ykw, that one might be mostly the same. the show got worse. it got so bad. it's so bad now, it just bums me out. the one thing i truly wanted from that show was for tory nichols to get the screentime she deserved and for the show to deliver on her hidden depths alluded to the first three seasons. my wish was granted in sheer monkey paw fashion, because they finally did that and pretty much the rest of the show went to shit, go figure. 💩

um...hmm...SHIPPING.

oh, okay, shipping. yeah, let's talk about that. not fandom specific, just um. okay, at the time i started this blog i was never what the kids call 'antis' in that i have some moral beef with fan content of fictional characters falling in love or doing sex things. no, no, that's pretty silly. BUT what i was, was a huge grinch!!! just the mention of romance made me scrunch my face. wouldn't read/write/engage with any shippy things beyond some extremely particular F/F content.

as someone who prefers F/F because it's what i relate to, i know at some point i was just burned out on everything fandom being so heavily M/M focused and everything canon being so heavily F/M focused. i also have feelings about the way M/F is portrayed in canon media due to misogynistic tropes and storylines. but even where F/F was concerned, i was so picky. picky as a damn porcupine.

i believe a combination of things has finally let me to loosen up when it comes to shipping and romance in general.

1.) limiting my engagement with it, allowing me to recover from the burnout.

2.) getting over personal romantic issues IRL that tainted my engagement in fictional romance.

3.) YELLOWJACKETS. i have many complaints with s2 but nevertheless, YJ has given us so many complex, rich female characters with interesting dynamics. and the exploration of those dynamics is abundant, varied, and so thoughtfully explored in YJ fandom that i am hooked! i feel more invested in expanding my F/F pool and i feel less overrun by the greater amount of M/M and M/F content because these fascinating characters and the earnest effort fandom puts into depicting multilayered relationships between them just...evens the playing field, i guess, if we're gonna make a soccer pun. ⚽️

4.) watching romances + romantic subplots with women behind the camera. turns out, the less misogyny involved, the more genuinely i can enjoy an M/F ship. go figure, huh.

anyway, i'm not such a stab crab about romance anymore. i know i have many fandom friends who *are* interested in shipping and i apologize if i was ever cramping your style or bringing you down when i would express my disgruntlement. i hope you can forgive me, i promise to be less of a grinch now. 💚

🦀🔪 fandom opinions that have not changed:

1.) THE BLACK PHONE. waited a year, paid $30 to watch ethan hawke put plates on the floor for an hour! NO! i want a refund!!! WASTED POTENTIAL. GONNA HOLD THIS GRUDGE FOREVER.

2.) the CAOS finale was absolutely disgusting! it was never a great show, sarah rees brennan who wrote the tie-in novels should've been in charge of the screenplay, imo. the novels did so much, so much better, but i digress...mediocre show or not, that fourth season took bad to a whole new level. 🤢

3.) ALEX SAXON CANNOT ACT. i appreciate nancy drew (2019) presenting to me F/M ships (namely fanson) i could actually get into because of the way the dynamics were written but the nace obsessions baffles me when the acting in MTV scream was oscar-worthy compared to this man's sheer lack of ability to emote.

...unless....unless the editors of the show hated alex saxon and only used edits they knew were bad in the finalized episodes in order to sabotage his career going forward. but i have no proof, it's just a possible conspiracy theory. 🤔

non-fandom relevant blog thoughts:

i love interacting with my friends, building connections, and admiring the creativity people put out into the world in various forms. i want to be more focused on that, online and offline, than negativity. i also don't want my apprehension surrounding AI to prevent me from engaging with the digital world and the wonderful human people i've gotten to know through it.

i want to think about nature more than the things that make me so angry, so beyond my control. i want to share animal facts and pictures of forests and funnily shaped rocks. i want to spend more time making people laugh than spiraling into personal insecurities...i don't think my blog was ever a *particularly* negative place, but oh boy, i could certainly be a crab with TWO knives...

there's plenty to be afraid of and be angry about with the expansion of AI and its grip on the digital world. i guess the whole purpose of this post was just to express 'these are the things that have changed and my priorities have also changed.' with that, i really want to focus more on creative things, fun things, funny things, and share more joy than anything else.

there's only so much time. i want to spend the bulk of it cherishing the connections we make, more than anything else.

#personal #blogging #fandom #media #AI #the shift from early 20s to late 20s is so real #i am making peace with the goals i've failed to accomplish and that acceptance has helped me mellow out A LOT #edit: setting new goals has also helped a lot #accpetance of past failures is not giving up on future achievments

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eternally-writing · 3 years

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chain reaction 02 | jjk

genre: fluff and angst

rating: PG

pairing: Jungkook x reader

theme: college!au , enemies to lovers, series

word count: 4.6k

warnings: light swearing

synopsis: A semester with your mortal enemy, Jeon Jungkook, as your lab partner was bound to be an experience to remember.

banner by me!

read part 1 here!

If you want to be tagged in future parts, send me an ask!

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

When you had imagined what Jeon Jungkook’s apartment would look like, you had definitely thought it would look something like an evil lair (except messy, because Jungkook definitely struck you as the messy type).

However, upon stepping into his surprisingly well-finished apartment, you found the exact opposite case. Before this, you had planned to make a ton of jokes based on whatever you would find in Jungkook’s apartment. And the truth was, you still could.

Jeon Jungkook was an absolute neat freak. You watched the way he subtly shuddered as a fleck of dirt from your shoes travelled off of his doormat and you took note of how his kitchen counter was so clean you could probably eat directly off of it (which was especially rare from someone in college). If he had a roommate, there was no trace of him right now, as the apartment pretty much looked like a showhome.

“I didn’t know you were such a clean freak, Jeon,” you said with a smirk.

For the first time, you saw Jeon Jungkook look the slightest bit timid.

“I like to keep things tidy, I guess,” he said while rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand.

He gestured for you to enter his quaint but somehow spacious living room as he sped to the kitchen to grab you a glass of water (he may not like you, but he’d be damned by his mother if she found out he let a guest into his place without giving them a beverage).

You had a very clear game plan when it came to entering Jeon Jungkook’s apartment: Enter. Talk about the project (and nothing else). Grab the chemistry notes from the class you missed on Monday. Leave.

It definitely seemed like an easy peasy 4 step plan - except that all seemed to flow out the window once you saw the photo Jungkook kept on his coffee table. From what you could decipher, it looked like a high school aged Jungkook in a music studio, right in front of the mic, with some of his friends around him. You had never seen Jungkook smile as big as he was in that picture, and it even managed to pull at your heartstrings.

Before you could open your mouth to ask about it, Jungkook had already come over to you and slammed the picture to be face down on the table, leaving smiley high school Jungkook out of sight.

“An invitation into my apartment isn’t an invitation into my private life, Y/N. Don’t get it twisted.” he said coldly, dropping the glass of water hashly onto a coaster by the picture frame.

To be fair, you kind of deserved that (and looking into Jungkook’s personal life definitely wasn’t part of your 4 step plan to seeing him today), but he didn’t have to be that mean. As a peace offering you moved as far away from the photo frame as you could.

“Let’s just get this over with, Jeon. I have a pilates class in an hour on the other side of campus.”

Now Jungkook couldn't pass up that opportunity to make a joke.

“Pilates, mmm.” He let out an overexaggerated moan to make his point.

“ Think you can slip my number to the hot girls there Y/N,” said Jungkook with a smirk.

“In your dreams Jeon. You’re lucky if any girls will still want your number if you fail organic chemistry, which is what you’re going to do if we don’t work on this project.”

“I think you’re forgetting Y/N.” he said as he bent down, bringing his lips to your ear - “if I go down I’m taking you with me sunshine”.

Ignoring how his close proximity to you was making your heart race (it was probably due to anger, right??), you jumped away from him and pulled out your macbook.

“Our group contract is due tomorrow so let’s just finish that up and then I’ll be out of your hair okay?” you said with an air of desperation and potentially sexual frustration.

For the most part, you and Jungkook worked in silence besides the occasional sound of you typing or clearing your throat. Looking at the live google doc in front of you and the progress you both were making, you were starting to think that working with Jungkook might not be the worst thing in the world.

Jeon Jungkook and Y/N L/N : CHEM 251 LAB PRESENTATION CONTRACT

Topic - Green Chemistry

1. Answer all communication from your partner (emails, messages) within 24 hours

2. Complete all portions of assignments at least 1 day before it is due.

3. Any changes to your availability should be communicated to your partner.

4. Y/N will handle the background literature and introduction of the presentation.

5. Jungkook will look for future applications of Green Chemistry and direct applications of course material in the field of Green Chemistry.

6. Don’t fall in love with your partner.

As soon as you saw Jungkook type the last point on the document, you glared at him beside you on the couch.

“Seriously Jeon? I forgot you have the mindset of a 13 year old boy,” you muttered as he looked at you cockily.

You took a deep breath as your internal monologue started to run:

Okay, Y/N. you’re not here to let Jeon Jungkook mess with you. 3 strikes and you’re out of here - there’s no reason to need to keep up with his bullshit (especially since at least the first part of your project was over).

Jungkook had then had to add more rules to your group contract.

7. Y/N will give out Jungkook’s number to any hot girl at her pilates class.

You groaned and hastily deleted off the document.

That was strike 1 for Jungkook. 3 strikes and he’s out.

Jungkook was still relentless in his attacks.

“Seriously though Y/N, do you really not think I’m attractive at all? You really don’t want a piece of this?,” he said as he wiggled his eyebrows and gestured to his body all too suggestively.

“Cut it out Jeon, I’m not dealing with your shit today,” you hissed, your eyes shooting metaphorical lasers into Jungkook.

Strike 2: He’s getting close.

“C’mon Y/N, what’s the chance that you’ll ever be able to bag someone as hot as me. I mean, look at me and look at you!”

Strike 3: you were DONE with Jeon Jungkook today.

Not even stopping to put on your shoes fully, you took one last glance back at him before you walked out the door.

“Fuck you, Jeon Jungkook.”

The glass of water he got you sat untouched on his coffee table, drops of water spilling onto the photo frame beside it due to his apartment shaking from you slamming his door.

Mirroring the new droplets on his coffee table, you found tears starting to drop across your face as well.

--♡--

Even though you loved your chemistry lecture, you’re not sure why chemistry labs had such a bad vibe to you. The most obvious explanation for this would be having Jeon Jungkook as a lab partner (especially after your last meeting, the situation speaks for itself). But what could be is probably at least part of the reason is because of what happened in your first year 8AM chem lab. After getting through a grueling 3 hour titration (that you messed up and got no results for in the end), you walked back to your dorm to find your (now ex) boyfriend Jimin in bed with your roommate, Soomi.

Needless to stay you left that day with one less friend, no boyfriend (and you had also gotten 16/30 on that lab… yikes), so chemistry labs did leave a little bit of a bad taste in your mouth.

It had been months since that incident, but even after getting a new lease and cutting any ties you remotely had to Jimin, you still carried the insecurity that Jimin instilled in you by cheating on you with someone who you thought of as a sister.

You had yet to run into Jimin against post-breakup, and had managed to successfully avoid him, until now.

“Y/N?”

You knew that voice all too well. Turning around, you were met with the sight of your ex, Jimin. As if that wasn’t bad enough, as you looked him over you noticed your old roommate, Soomi, hanging off of his arm. You had no clue that they were still together (you had lost all contact with anyone remotely related to Jimin), and somehow seeing them together hurt you even more.

Jimin looked even prettier than you had last remembered him; his prince-like hair shone in the afternoon sun, his charming smile seemed even brighter. Knowing Jimin was still with Soomi made you feel that he didn’t even feel a pang of regret for cheating on you, like he didn’t need to take some time by himself to reflect (like you definitely did) or stop to grieve your relationship. From your point of view, it seemed like you never even mattered to Jimin.

You suddenly felt self conscious of everything under the judgmental gazes of Jimin and Soomi. Those baby hairs that you didn’t bother to pin down with a bobby pin this morning now felt like they were sticking straight out of your head and the pimple that was poking through your concealer on your forehead suddenly felt like a volcano. In your mind, compared to Soomi, you looked like a hot mess.

Your brain was on autopilot for all the small-talk you made with the two of them, and you didn’t snap out of your trance until you heard these words from Jimin.

“I only wish the best for you Y/N”

You internally scoffed at this statement. Who the fuck was Park Jimin to say that he “wishes the best for you”. You took months to get over him and the hurtful words he said to you. Every mean comment and snarky comparisons he made to you felt like it was tattooed onto your skin and stuck with you forever. But now he was standing in front of you like nothing was wrong?

In a different world, you probably would’ve slapped Jimin across the face. But instead you rose above like your mom taught you to.

“You as well Jimin.” you said courtly with a nod, trying to stop the tears that were pricking at your eyes from escaping your tear ducts.

After receiving a small nod from Jimin as a response, you turned around as if you had somewhere to be (in reality, you didn’t have class for another 2 hours).

Getting as far away from Jimin was all you could think about at the moment, and you moved as far as your legs could take you in whatever direction you thought would take you out of your college’s quad, even as the tears falling from your eyes blurred your vision.

You didn’t know how to feel. You had imagined what seeing Jimin for the first time after the break up would look like; maybe he would grovel at his knees and beg to have you back (it’s not that you wanted to date him again or that you had feelings for him, but it would feel nice to feel wanted), maybe you would just throw a drink in his face and walk away like a bad bitch, maybe you could’ve flashed a new boyfriend in front of his face.

All of a sudden your phone started to ring. Your first fear (and somewhat hope) was that it would be Jimin calling you, but little did you know that it was something so much worse.

Incoming Call: Jeon Boy

“as if this day couldn’t get any worse,” you thought to yourself as you pressed decline. You had yet to talk to Jungkook since that day at his apartment (you didn’t even call to congratulate him on his

Incoming Call: Jeon Boy

You groaned and hit the decline but at the speed of lightning again.

Incoming Call: Jeon Boy

Seriously, could this guy not take a hint? You were tempted to turn your phone off all together, but settled for hitting the decline button again.

Incoming Call: Jeon Boy

You realized that for whatever reason, Jungkook was not giving up, so you either had to answer him or listen to your ringtone of “Love Killa” by Monday X play every 10 seconds. Praying that your voice wouldn’t betray you, you took a deep (albeit shaky) breath and tried your best to wipe your tears before clicking “answer”.

“Look Jeon, I’m - uh - sorry but I really can’t do this right now okay? I’ll call you later.” you choked out, your voice obviously wavering as you tried to be as professional as possible.

Before you could press the “end call button” you heard Jungkook’s concerned voice through the speakers.

“Y/N, wait, you don’t sound too good. Are you okay?”

Ah yes, “are you okay” - probably the most loaded question a person could ever ask.

You probably could’ve kept it together if he had asked any other question, but his “are you ok” truly pulled at your heartstrings.

You felt your chest tightening but you tried your best to help the feeling subside. You had yet to show weakness about how Jimin had affected you to anyone, and you sure as hell weren’t going to start with Jeon Jungkook. Clutching at your chest and taking a few deep breaths in an effort to calm your racing heart, you continued on.

“Is that genuine concern I’m hearing from you Jeon? Be careful, you’re losing your bad boy persona,” you said as you tried to make a joke to distract him.

“Y/N, no. I’m serious. are. you. okay.”

You couldn’t handle it anymore. Sobs broke free from your chest and you heaved into the phone, your whimpers and whines striking Jungkook on the other side of the phone.

“I, I can’t- I just-“

The words barely broke through your sobs. Your chest was tightening and you could barely hear Jungkook through the ringing in your ears.

“Y/N where are you, I’m coming’” said Jungkook. You could hear the jingling of his car keys and the rustling of him putting on shoes.

As if mother nature felt your pain, the rain started pouring down on you at the same time.

You barely got out any more words to Jungkook, but he didn’t hang up on you. He just kept whispering comforting phrases, trying to calm you down from afar as you could hear his car engine roaring in the background (in another world, you definitely would’ve yelled at him for using his phone while driving). You barely even registered that Jungkook was there at all. Every memory of you and Jimin seemed to reopen like a fresh wound, and you couldn’t feel anything except the pain. All you could do was sit on a random curb by the edge of campus, your wails probably reaching the sorority houses nearby.

You felt broken. The sound of the thunder overhead mixed with your cries as the rain pelted you, soaking your thin sweatshirt. You don’t know how much time passed there. In your head, it felt like time was frozen, while for Jungkook it felt like he was wasting hours zooming through campus (he truly was zooming - a month later he found out that he had accumulated 3 speeding tickets trying to find you, but he would never tell you that).

“Oh, sunshine,” he murmured, voice laced with pity and concern as he pulled over his car on the curb in front of you.

You and Jungkook hadn’t even said a word to each other since the feud at his apartment, and you had absolutely zero clue how he even managed to figure out where you were through your jumbled phone call. But all you knew is that right now you needed him. You needed someone to give you a bit of comfort, and Jungkook was somehow here to do that for you. Despite everything between you twom you couldn’t hide the feeling of relief that ran through your body as you looked up and saw Jungkook in front of you.

Coming to your side, Jungkook crouched beside you.

“Jungkook”, you wept as he pulled you into his chest. It was probably one of the first times you had actually addressed him by his first name, which came as a surprise to him.

Holding you closer, Jungkook couldn’t help but feel protective over you. He couldn’t help but hurt with you as he saw your fragile figure shaking in his arms.

“You’re gonna be okay now Y/N, okay? I’m here. I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”

And in that moment, on a dirty curbside off campus, you weren’t Jeon boy and little miss sunshine, mortal enemies and chemistry lab partners. Instead, you were just Jeon Jungkook and Y/N., and nothing else seemed to matter at the moment.

--♡--

To your surprise (and the surprise of anyone else who knows you), you and Jungkook had not been stepping on each other’s toes as much. What had started out as extreme, extreme dislike had turned into a mild dislike (maybe even a very slight enjoyment of his presence, although you weren't about to admit that anytime soon). And of course, you both refuse to acknowledge the “Jimin incident” that had occurred a week ago and you both refuse to believe that it may have had something to do with you and Jungkook not hating each other. Your emails stopped being signed off with “do your part Jeon, or else” and instead now usually started with “Hey Jeon!” and “Thanks, Y/N”

That brought you here, in your apartment on a Friday night, eating old pizza in an old sweatshirt, no bra, and some comfy shorts that had definitely been through the wash one too many times. Researching for your chemistry project, you chuckled at how much of a londer you would look to an outsider. Sending off the articles you found on Green Chemistry to Jungkook, you closed out the email with some casual pleasantries and then turned to continue rewatching episodes of your favourite kdrama. You definitely weren’t expecting a response from Jungkook until Monday. You were sure that someone like him was at a frat party (was he even in a frat? You had no idea). Either way, Jungkook probably was lounging around in some party house with like 6 girls on his arms, while you were doing quite the opposite.

Surprisingly, Jungkook was actually doing quite a similar thing to you. Instead of watching kdramas, he was watching Iron Man (for what was probably the 50th time), and was huddled under a makeship blanket fort like a child and scrolling through reddit. Don’t be mistaken though, Jeon Jungkook was definitely a partier, but he also knew when he needed to give his head (and liver) a break.

He saw his phone chime with a gmail notification. He took a brief scroll through the articles you had sent over to him (those were definitely work for another day since there was no way he could digest academic jargon without at least 3 cups of coffee in him), but he was pleasantly surprised with what you had come up with.

At the same time, the Facebook tab he had open on his Macbook also lit up.

It’s Y/N L/N’s birthday today! Leave a message on her wall to celebrate!

Jungkook’s jaw dropped.

It was your birthday and you were sending him chemistry research papers?? Jungkook chuckled because he could already think of 1000 bad jokes to make fun of you, but he also felt some other feeling that he couldn’t quite place.

Jungkook’s mother had always taught him that it was important to celebrate birthdays, and that is was bad luck that it was He wasn’t sure if it was just a farce that his mother had come up with to make sure that he still attended those family-wide facetime birthday celebrations once he went to college, but either way, he still believed it to some extent.

He had no clue why he was doing this, or how he even got here, but somehow Jungkook found himself in sweatpants and a hoodie in front of your apartment door at 10pm on a Friday night, cake in tow in one hand, his other hand out ready to knock on your door.

On the other side of the door, you were equally astonished. It almost felt like you were seeing a hallucination, as if your email to Jungkook had somehow summoned him to your door. You couldn’t help but rub your eyes in disbelief, just to make sure he was actually there.

“Jungkook?”

Bashful Jungkook seemed to make an appearance again as he tapped his feet in anxiety. And before he could stop himself, words were already tumbling from his mouth”

“Happy birthday?” he said as a question , posing it as if he didn’t know whether facebook was just playing a prank on him (which he honestly didn’t know). “Can I come in?”

You didn’t even really know how to process this situation, but all you could mutter was a “uh, thank you?” in a similar inquirable tone and gesture for him to step into your apartment. If Jeon Jungkook showed up at your door at 10pm on a Friday night, he probably deserved to be heard out.

“You can make yourself comfortable on the couch. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting company otherwise I would have cleaned up a bit.” You were sure that Jungkook’s neat freak brain was probably frying itself into overdrive based on the empty now-empty pizza box sitting on your coffee table and stray utensils and crumbs on your kitchen counter. You felt a little embarrassed that he had to see this.

Mirroring Jungkook’s hospitality last time you were at his place, you brought him a glass of water and hoped that this evening would go a LOT better than the last time you and Jungkook were alone together in an apartment.

Jungkook’s cake was still held in his hands. It was a little cake from the 24/7 cafe on campus; he could only find one that said “happy” with little sunflowers and smiles, so hopefully the “birthday” part of it was implied.

“I, um, I brought cake - for you. I mean your birthday.”

You sat down across from him.

“Oh you didn’t have to Jungkook, uh that’s really nice but you didn’t have to do that,” you said as you leaned further away from the cake, as if it was an item that scared you. “I’m not big on birthdays anyways, just usually me chilling in my apartment!”

However, Jungkook was not planning on taking no as an answer. He tried his best to plead with you, but was still getting nowhere.

“you… you have to do it for my mom!” he said as he thrust the cake even closer to your face.

You tilted your head in confusion at his statement.

“I mean uh-, my mom says that it’s bad luck if you don’t blow out candles on cake on your birthday and that if you don’t do it then you won’t live to your next birthday. And um- i know we’re not friends Y/N but I’d rather see you alive next year”.

Jungkook tried to look as nonchalant and cool as possible, and when he realized his statement was a little too thoughtful he followed it up with a “i mean you could do whatever you want i don’t care it doesn’t matter to me”.

You were beginning to like this side of Jungkook, the one that was more thoughtful than he was a selfish, inconsiderate dude.

Taking the cake softly from his hands, you muttered a soft “thank you”. At this point Jungkook didn’t know whether you took it from his hands to throw it on the ground or actually use it for its intended purpose. As you leaned over to grab the lighter by your candles on your coffee table, Jungkook let out a breath of relief.

Throwing open the cake box, you lit the candle in the cake and stared patiently in front of it.

“Well Jungkook, I believe if I am going to be blowing out candles there should be singing too, no?” You joked with a silly smile on your face.

Knowing he had no way out of this (and to be honest, he secretly wanted to anyways), he began to sing.

You had never heard a more beautiful rendition of happy birthday in your life. Jungkook turned the most mundane song, one that you didn’t have many happy memories with, into a tune that made your heart start to swell with joy. You wished the song was longer, because as he stopped to sing you wanted nothing more than for him to keep going.

“Make a wish, Y/N” , he whispered.

You didn’t know what to wish for. There were a lot of things that needed to be fixed in the world, and lots of things that you needed too (like a new toothbrush, or the experience of true love). It seemed fitting that since you were only blowing out these candles because of Jungkook, you should at least dedicate the wish to him. So all you wished for was for you and Jungkook to get along just like you were in this moment.

You looked up at Jungkook from the cake, and from there all you could say was a sincere “thank you”.

The moment was all too sincere, and you and Jungkook could feel the atmosphere shift to one that was all too intimate and friendly for your relationship. As moving away from a hot flame, you both picked up your phones and mumbled excuses to move away from the situation.

Jungkook was the first to break the ice again.

“I don’t know how good this cake is going to be, the expiry date was at least a week and a half ago”

“Well Jeon Jungkook, if you brought an expired cake into my apartment, it feels like a right of passage that you have to try this cake with me.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from picking up a piece of cake on a fork and shoving it into his mouth. Immediately, his face scrounged up in disgust, and you could pretty much see him gag.

“That cream is… very creamy to stay the least,” he said as he thickly swallowed it down, grimacing the whole time.

His expression made you chuckle. There was something about the way his naturally fluffy hair seemed to move as he swayed like a piece of seaweed on your couch (a mannerism that you had picked up on quite quickly), that made you feel warm inside.

“Considering me sacrificing myself to this cake as a birthday present to you, Y/N”

The laugh that bubbled out of your chest almost made that gross cake worth it to Jungkook. And some words of sincerity slipped out before you could hold them in.

“Best birthday present ever, Jungkook, thank you.

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

Taglist: @apollukee , @mrcleanheichou , @monvieesdaebak

If you want to be tagged, please send me an ask!

If you liked what you read, please interact/follow! Thank you for reading♡

- Emily

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awsugar · 3 years

Text

i’ve been asked to make a gif tutorial so here it is! i tend to over explain and go on tangents so i’m going to try to keep this as understandable as possible lol

so first you need to download your video. i use 4k video downloader.

when you open photoshop the first thing you’ll do is go file --> import --> video frames to layers and it will bring up your finder to locate the video you’re going to be giffing.

once you select the video, this screen will come up:

make sure you’ve selected ‘selected range only’ and then you’re going to use the two cursers on the bottom to select the portion of the video you want to gif. this won’t really work if the video is over like. 40 minutes long. because you can’t select a small enough number of frames. so keep that in mind. if i’m giffing something like lotms or a full length show i’ll open the video in imovie and cut it down so that this step works. if you have further questions on how this works i can try to answer them but i think it’s just trial and error for this part the first couple times you do it. once you’ve selected the range of the video that you want, hit ‘ok’.

once your frames/layers open in photoshop, you wanna click on ‘window’ and make sure you have these selected:

your next step is to go through the frames on the bottom of the screen and choose which ones you want to be your gif. usually importing them will give you more frames than you need so you’ll want to trim a bit off each end.

you can press ‘play’ here and it will scroll through the frames automatically for you so you can see what the gif will look like in motion

it depends on the size of your gif but i tend to go for 80-85 frames. if you have too many your gif can end up being too big for tumblr. 8mb is the size limit. this is another thing that tends to be trial and error but yea i go for about that many, try to stay under 100.

next step is to delete the layers that you don’t need, because deleting the frames when you’re trimming the gif down doesn’t delete the corresponding layers. when you select a frame, the corresponding layer on the right will have an eye next to it.

like this ^ select your first frame, find the eye in the layers, and delete all of the layers that come before that. do the same with the last frame in the gif and delete all the layers that come after it. click + shift will select as many at a time as you want, to make this easier.

at the far right of your timeline (the frames) on the bottom of the screen there’s an icon thats 4 lines which you can see below:

click this and select ‘select all frames’

then go to the top of your screen where it says ‘select’ and select ‘all layers’

once everything is selected you need to change the framerate/delay. you see where it says ‘0.03′ underneath each frame? a lot of videos will be 0.04 in which case i would click on the framerate, select ‘other’ and type in ‘0.07′. that tends to work well. this video is 0.03 so i’m going to change it to 0.06 instead. that’s just a personal preference. if you don’t do this step, the gif will be too fast. if you don’t have all of the frames selected when you do this part, it will only change the selected frame so make sure they’re all selected before you do this.

so now it’s changed.

next you need to convert to video timeline. that’s the icon on the far left on the bottom here:

the one before ‘forever’. once you’ve done that, you need to right click on your layers (which should still be selected) and select ‘convert to smart object’.

now for all intents and purposes you have a gif! but you still need to edit it a bit.

first you should crop it if it needs cropping. i’m not going to crop the one i’m making but it’s pretty self explanatory, just select the crop tool and pick one of the preselected crop ratios. you can preview them all by clicking on them.

after that you’re going to go to the top bar and go: image --> image size

you need to resize your gif for tumblr. tumblr’s post width is 540 pixels. if you’re doing two gifs side by side they would both be 270.

the height will automatically adjust itself.

now your gif is going to look like it’s really small but you’ll just go to the percentage above the timeline and change it to either 100% or 200%. it’s usually 100% to view it at full size but my new macbook has more pixels or something? so i have to set it to 200% to view it at full size.

you can see here how i changed it ^

now you have a properly sized gif and any changes you make are personal preference. usually you’ll want to sharpen it. i use a sharpening action that i downloaded from a friend but you can also do smart sharpen. i would look up good sharpening settings because i don’t know them personally because i use an action. you can find the sharpening stuff through the ‘filter’ dropdown.

and then the last step i do is coloring. coloring isn’t necessary but it makes your gifs look better. coloring is personal preference though and it’s just about playing around with settings. i usually use brightness/contrast, vibrance, hue/saturation, selective color, and color balance. you can also download coloring PSDs from the internet which is like premade coloring layers that you can open in photoshop.

this is what my gif looks like without any coloring and i’ll show you the finished product at the end when i save it

so one you’re happy with your gif you’re going to go: file --> export --> save for web (legacy)

depending on how your computer wants to operate, this can take a while. while it’s buffering i hit ‘escape’ and it takes me to the save page without the wait.

these are my save settings:

but before you hit save you want to ‘preview’ on the bottom left. this will open your gif and show you what it will look like on the web and it also tells you how big your gif is.

look for this:

if it’s under 8mb you’re good to post it on tumblr so close out and go back to photoshop and save it! i think saving is self explanatory

and you’re done! here’s the gif i made for this tutorial:

if any of this was confusing or not clear i’m happy to try and explain better!

#gif tutorial #photoshop tutorial #photoshop

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steve0discusses · 3 years

Text

S5 Ep13: How to Get Away With Cheating in the Card Olympics

It’s been a little while since Pegasus made a card that screwed us years after it was developed...and so it’s time for it to happen again. Good ol Pegasus, screwing us all and not even knowing he’s doing it.

First off, it took me until this episode to realize that Leon and Zigfried are German and Leon is playing a Grimm Brother’s deck. I guess I didn’t notice before now because Leon was hiding his identity. But now that I know his deck is because he’s just German it’s like...well OK. That’s kind of cute. Better than that time they had the American play a deck filled with guns.

And that actually...fully explains why they are all dressed old timey. I didn’t pick up on it until just now...they’re referencing old ass fairy tales. But wtv, I still like my reaching theories of why Zigfried dresses like...that.

PS, my twitter just notified me that lots of people are getting a ‘Hime Haircut’, which is exactly the doo that Zigfried wears this season with the cropped side bangs. And like...are we sure? I see Kpop wearing it and Tik Tok kids wearing wigs but...I have yet to see a Hime in the wild. Course I haven’t gone outside in like a year so...maybe tens of thousands of people really did do a Hime Haircut during the Quarantine.

But, damn it, I decided to look at some photos, and a bunch of them looked pretty bad, but a couple looked pretty dope, and now I’m a little bit tempted to get a Hime...but I feel like it took a decade to get out of my bangs phase and like...Do I need two layers of bangs? I have naturally straight hair, I could do this, this haircut was made for me, but...

I just don’t know if I should get a haircut that looks like I’m an anime cosplayer when I can’t back it up. Nope. Cannot get this haircut. I know this haircut was made for teenagers or artists in their 30′s, and literally no one else, but no, this will be a mistake just like the side bangs I gave myself in 2006.

(looks over at scissors)

(read more under the cut)

(get it? Cut?)

Leon recalls that his brother very nicely gave him a card, and he’s so excited to finally do any activity involving his crazy ass family, that he just blindly does it.

This entire episode is about Yami not doing a hellscape when he witnesses cheating, and like...it is S5...it’s been a little while since anyone’s done a real good cheat on him, and he opened the door to darkness, and they got devoured by their own Tamagachi. It’s been a while.

And like the curse of Episode 13 was just a theory I had--but this particular Episode 13 is probably the most tame of all the 13′s (and yet, the most un-tame of this arc, which is a pretty chill arc, overall)

Yet...while this episode still fits in with their universe because the Kaiba’s are very proud so they can’t admit their duel disk has a flaw and therefore can’t forfeit the game, it kind of stretches the imagination a bit for the sake of the plot. Straight up we have a LOT of characters in this arc and they all just stood there and watched it happened.

It could have been also because this is like...televised...that no one wants to start throwing this little boy off the nearest blimp. I just wish that was addressed in the episode, other than “listen...Kaiba must allow this card to be played...or all his Duel Disks are lies.”

His Duel Disk almost caused the end of planet Earth a few weeks back, so I think it’s fine. I think this is a negligible problem to have when your disk shoots projectiles out of each end and has sharp folding edges in the shape of a blade--almost attempting to slice your face off every time you wave that thing around.

Yes, he’s trying to restore his reputation after the whole Dartz thing...but this is like...not that bad in the scale of things that have happened in the past several seasons. Maybe it’s just the last straw that broke the camels back here? One thing too far--’your disk played a broke card, Kaiba, I am pulling my investments and I refuse to go to your theme parks. I was here when you blew up that island. I was here when your company was literally bought out by the illluminati...but if that duel disk can’t play cards correctly--we’re done here.’ And TBH...that’s a very Yugioh mentality to have.

Like remember that time that Elon musk threw a brick at one of his new weird looking cars and the windshield cracked? But he was like “Oh...that was just a...listen the windshields don’t shatter, you saw nothing.” and still released the car anyway? Was kind of reminded of that.

Now...he didn’t actually go into the Dev room, we’ll go into how the hell he got this card, but first, a visit to the Kaiba Dev room.

OOOOOOooooooooh

That’s so bright!

It reminds me of how in the 90′s, the only real thing I knew to do on my computer was change the colors of the UI, so I just used the ugliest ass UI known to man for my family’s computers. I hope these computers have a mouse that leaves a tail behind and I hope that mouse is in the shape of a flying sparkling dragon.

Anyway, Duke speaks what’s on our minds:

Meanwhile, Pegasus, watching this happen over a glass of wine from inside his bathtub at Castle Pegasus, takes one very long sip while sinking into a pile of bubbles.

Seto at first is like “I literally own this tournament so thanks for losing? I don’t know why you threw it out into the trash but thanks?” But Zigfried pressured him so hard that everyone on Earth would judge his ass, and tried so hard to change the definition of what cheating even is, that Seto relented almost as if to shut Zigfried the hell up.

Zigfried explained that, technically, it’s still reads as a legal card on the disk and isn’t reaaally against the rules. Even though the rules say it’s against the rules--what are rules anyway?

Thankfully we have the King of “I dictate what the rules are AKA the rules of the universe, which I would show you, I just don’t feel like it right now, and I’m a little worried about opening that Pandora’s box, but I clearly know the rules of this card game, as stated on this Home Depot plaque that Seto gave me after I won the last tourney.”

Leon gets pretty upset about this--not so much screwing Seto Kaiba, but over the fact his brother stole his only chance at trying to beat Yugi Muto fair and square. So, trying to retain what little card honor he has left, Leon tries to self sabotage so everyone can just go the hell home.

OK so...do you think he put a floppy disk into the paper card? Like straight up how did he do that? Feel free to post your theories because like...how do you hack a paper card? Like do we even have a canon explanation of what these cards are or what they are made out of and how they theoretically work?

Anyway, now that they’ve spent a good portion of this episode discussing if this card should or should not be played, and the ethics and philosophy surrounding that, we find out that none of this matters because Zigfried was actually just stalling.

(He hacked the card so it had a virus like straight up how did he DO that without making a new card?)

Huh.

Y’all, what if I could just delete Google?

Can you imagine?

Like I know this is a kid’s show so it follows kid’s show logic and I will absolutely allow this ridiculous master plan and I will not question it, but think with me for a sec:

What if you could just delete Disney?

Damn. That’s some Y2K scare tactics propaganda right there. That’s some good YA dystopian fiction stuff.

Yo is Zigfried the good guy? He’s not, but if this were a YA novel he would be, right? Good on him.

I...do not know how the logic in Zigfried’s brain works, but if someone deleted all the files in my collaborators company and showed up at my front door and was like “I heard you were looking for a new collaborator?” I’d stick him face first into a blank paper card.

Which is, logically, the next step to Zigfried’s plan that no one has bothered to tell him yet. You just don’t mess with Pegasus, especially after all the stuff he went though with getting murdered by Mai, and Dartz showing up, he’d be so pissed right now. He might not be technically magical anymore--but it’s clear after last season that he’s still magical enough. This is a man who’s let out into the wild maybe a couple of scary cards--but hell knows how many are buried in his huge ass castle just waiting to do a murder.

This is just Zigfried hassling a hornet and the hornets nest is like...right there.

And so next episode we are going to...destroy the card? Hell, next episode might be entirely a card game and I might only have 2 caps.

Anyway, just letting you know that I typed this last night, and then had dreams that I got a Hime Haircut and hella loved it, woke up at 5:30 AM thinking about that haircut, and have since been just...

...I mean I shouldn’t do it...I cannot give myself unironic Von Schroeder hair...

...

...but what if it’s dope though?

(and here’s the link to read these from the beginning in chrono order from S1. Wish I categorized in seasons but alas I did not have that forsight back when I thought there were only 3 seasons of Yugioh total. I have since learned.)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

#yugioh #YGO #yu gi oh #episode recap #photo recap #S5 #Ep13 #Yugi Muto #leon von schroeder #zigfried von schroeder #seto kaiba #grandpa muto #mokuba kaiba #and literally everyone else who stood there and just watched it happen #Just thinking about how one hacks a card and I feel like that's totally possible but how though?

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subtlereferencetomyinterests · 4 years

Text

Hypothetically,

Ao3, MasterPost

Relationships: Romantic Intrulogical, Platonic Logince

It is about! Damn! Time! That I wrote some Intrulogical! Also, y’all already know my stance on platonic logince,,,, guys they ARE best friends i’m sorry I don’t make the rules.

Warnings: Angst (with a happy ending). mentions of stuff like autopsies and nuclear explosions in the context of like experiments- they do stuff in The Imagination, basically. Panic attack (?). Hurt/comfort. Pretty heated kissing; It’s more intense makin’ out than I usually write but it isn’t anything explicit at all, don’t worry! ADHD Remus and Autistic Logan. Cursing- like So Much Cursing. Mentions of space, deep sea, etc. Food mention.

Word count: 6,769

There was a conundrum.

A., Logan needed to use the Imagination. B., He could not use it on his own, considering that he was Logic. C., Roman was nowhere to be found. The answer to what was frustrating Logan at that moment would be all of the above.

To be clear, he didn’t like going into the Imagination. It was simply the only suitable place to perform his ‘experiments’. His very necessary, very distracting experiments. But, as stated, Roman was God-knows-where doing God-knows-what.

Logan sighed at the door, as though it was the inanimate structure’s fault. The cracks gleamed obnoxiously bright, golden light pouring out from behind the door in a somewhat eerie manner. It was a nonsensical, unrealistic, completely insignificant place, and he wanted in.

Logan was contemplating asking Janus for help (lies took imagination, right?) when, out of nowhere, an arm was thrown around his shoulders. Literally an arm, disembodied and oozing sick-smelling blood onto the carpet. Ah. Wonderful.

“Hello, Remus,” he pulled the appendage from around him, holding it at arm’s length (no pun intended, dammit).

“Hi!” Remus took his arm back and reattached it with a disturbing crunch, a grin stretching his face. He sidled up to Logan, imitating the side’s stance in front of the door.

“Can I help you with something?” the logical trait tilted his shoulder away from where Remus had pressed against him.

“Not unless you’re willing to get really messy- but I can help you!”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re implying.”

The Duke rolled his eyes, promptly flinging the door to The Imagination open. An encompassing energy radiated into the common room, corrupting the usual neutrality of the space. It didn't last long before Remus grabbed Logan’s wrist and dragged him along through the entryway, movements as sporadic and fast-paced as everything else about the creative.

“It’s not very logical to just stand there staring at the door all day, in my opinion. I dunno what you need Imagination for, but whatever it is, I can help! My half is much more interesting, anyway.”

“Oh,” Logan blinked, narrowly ducking his head under a branch as he was pulled forward, “Thank you, I suppose.”

He politely didn’t mention that he doubted Remus’ capacity for helpfulness. Beggars can’t be choosers, after all.

The door from the commons was quite a walk from the darker half of The Imagination, but at the pace its owner had them going they were there in minutes. The border was marked with tangles of densely thorned shrubbery, which parted for them, as if they sensed the approach. Logan just barely avoided snagging his shoe on one as they passed.

There was forest, twisted and shadowy, for only a minute. After that, they were in a city, with tall buildings and winding streets and dark alleys. Another switch, they came into what seemed like an amusement park. Nothing was consistent in theme, and none of the scenes held up for more than a minute or two. Remus shook his head and tisked. With a snap, a good portion of the ever-changing scenery was erased, leaving blank white space. The Duke turned to look at Logan with a satisfied smile.

“Ta-da! What do you need?”

Logan blanched for a moment, surprised at Remus’ willingness to completely delete Imaginings without a second thought. It usually took Roman ages to find a spot that he was okay with giving up on for Logan’s “projects”- which he always had thought was a little silly, seeing as he could bring it back when they were done. The change of pace was a pleasant one, though, so there was no need to dawdle for long.

“I need a miniature fully-functioning model of our solar system. If it’s not too much trouble.”

“Oh, totally,” Remus waved his hand and the request appeared suspended in the air, spread out to be the size of a dining table. All was accounted for- sun, moons, eight planets plus pluto- orbiting and spinning around each other. Imagination, by nature, had no real limits, but the detail was still a sight to behold every time. Logic smiled, surveying the set-up, before gesturing to the edge of their blank section.

“Thank you for the help, you may go.”

“May I now?” Remus conjured a seat for himself, staring at Logan with his chin resting on his hands, “You’re not even going to tell me what this is for? That’s just rude.”

Logan glanced up from the tiny earth he was inspecting, tilting his head to the side in confusion.

“You are welcome to stay, if you wish, but your brother usually leaves at this point. He says my experiments are-” he summons his notebook, “‘Bore-ifying’, which I assume is a portmanteau for ‘boring’ and ‘horrifying’.”

“Roman’s a big baby!”

Logan shrugged, not disagreeing, and resumed his careful observation of the tiny model earth. Remus made no move to go, wheeling his chair even closer. The scientific side carried on before his new audience of one, hovering a hand over the little planet. Abruptly, it stopped spinning. Logan made a gesture with his hand that magnified the model significantly.

The results were immediately catastrophic. Logan jotted a few observations down in his notebook, watching closely at the ways torrents of wind ripped up trees and buildings. In the back of his mind, he was faintly impressed by just how well-rendered ‘Dark’ Creativity’s earth was, down to the individual humans, brutalized by the storms.

“Whoah, what the fuck?!”

Logan looked up briefly to see Remus craning his head over the destruction of the stilled planet. His eyes were wide and bright with curiosity.

“Oh- I should probably explain. I come here, usually, to run some improbable scenarios as a sort of stress-reliever. Specifically, this one is what would happen if earth stopped spinning on its axis. As you can see, due to the earth no longer rotating at its usual speed, the wind would continue on at-” he cut himself off abruptly, sensing the beginnings of a ramble, “I’m sorry, I’ve been told that I have a tendency to ‘go off’ when a subject particularly interests me.”

Remus rolled his chair even closer, looking much like an excited animal (more so than usual, anyway).

“Well then, go off! Don’t leave me hanging! Is that really what would happen, just if it stopped?” He gestured enthusiastically to the way that the oceans had begun to crash against and consume shorelines. He looked interested- genuinely interested.

Logan bit back a smile. He didn’t have to be told twice.

It was one of those particularly restless nights. For no foreseeable goddamn reason, Logic’s mind had become alight with enough half-formed thoughts and barely sensible ideas to fill a very, very weird book. The Imagination did wonders when he got like this, but it usually wasn’t two in the morning when he needed to use it. That wasn’t to say the circumstance was unheard of, but all times prior he could push the urge to investigate away with the reasoning that he could just ask Roman in the morning, and that the Creative side needed his ‘beauty sleep’, as he called it. There wasn’t anything he could do about that, was there?

Tonight was different. Logan could hear the occasional snap or tear or cackle from the room across from his. Remus’ room.

It had been less than a week since The Duke let him use the darker half of the Mindpalace, and that was pretty much the only meaningful interaction they’d had in as many days. They weren’t close, Logan wasn’t even sure if they were friends (not that he was a good judge of that, given the first time Roman referred to them as ‘besties’ he had all but cried), but Remus was at the very least an option. He was also unlikely to mind, given that he was already awake and had exhibited excitement previously.

Logan made up his mind after yet again failing to fall asleep. Quietly, he opened his door and took the few short steps across the hall, raising his fist. Remus’ door was open before his second knock.

“Oh, hey! What are you doing, coming knocking at this hour?” he didn’t even try to whisper, accompanying his statement with an over-exaggerated wink. Logan didn’t waste his time trying to shush the side.

“Good evening, I hope I’m not interrupting anything-”

“You know I don’t mind your ‘interruptions’, Twunk-y Megamind!”

“-But I was wondering if you would… Help me, again. I seem to be having a hard time getting to sleep, and I think that getting out some of my ideas could help.”

Remus’ face lit up dramatically.

“Oh hell yes! Are we gonna blow up more planets?”

“Something like that,” he kept his voice monotone, disguising the relief and hint of pride at such a positive reaction.

“Well, come on!”

Logan let himself be dragged into Remus’ room, barely having time to make note of the surprisingly organized layout before he was pulled through a sleek black door.

“But you have to tell me about it,” he ordered, twisting them through narrow paths in his half of The Imagination. Logan suppressed a smile.

“If you want to hear it, then I’m happy to.”

Without warning, they stopped the breakneck pace that Remus moved at. The trait seemed appeased with their surroundings, though as far as Logan could tell it was just another piece of ever-shifting ominous landscape.

Remus snapped his fingers. The scene remained intact.

“Sorry,” he glanced around nervously, “Things get stuck in my head sometimes. Can’t get ‘em out. I’ll get it, I just-”

“It’s no trouble.”

Logan rolled up his sleeves. He didn’t like using his ‘abilities’ much, as every side had some set of special skills, and all of them were much too ostentatious. But they were helpful, at times. He waved a hand, gesturing carefully so that he didn’t dismantle any more of The Imagination than was absolutely necessary. With a small stutter, the landscape shifted to a blank slate.

When he looked back up, Remus’ expression was not unlike that of a Cheshire cat.

“What was that?”

“I am Logic, therefore it follows that I am the antithesis to any Imagination creations. It’s very easy to erase them with just a bit of rationality.”

“No clue what a lot of those words meant, but it’s still cool that you can destroy shit.”

Laughing was unbecoming, to say the least, and so the logical trait tended to avoid it at all costs. The snort that escaped him was entirely involuntary.

If Remus noticed the noise, he said nothing about it. He was too busy bouncing from foot to foot, expectantly waiting for instructions. Logan cleared his throat of the outburst and clapped his hands together.

“Alright, let’s start with something simple…”

At his request, Remus would construct immaculately detailed creatures, settings, and models, watching gleefully at the ordeals Logan put each one through. They tested various and progressively elaborate ways to sink populated cruise liners, they simulated the effects of falling from the Empire State Building, dissected approximations of obscure marine animals (a shared special interest of theirs, apparently), and any of the other unrealistic questions that occurred to the typically rational Logic.

The only way to get such questions from his mind, he’d found out a long time ago, was deconstructing them one step at a time, to see them in their full ridiculousness.

It was also, he was coming to realize, incredibly fun.

Before the two knew it, the already late hour had turned unreasonable. Logan blinked owlishly at his watch, distracted from the tiny supernova that he’d created.

“Oh, I must have lost track of time,” four in the morning. Four in the morning!

“Aw, does that mean we’re done?” Remus whined, yet he still began unmaking his small star system.

Logan was suddenly very aware of the heaviness of his eyelids and a rubbery feeling in his limbs. God, was he tired.

“I’m afraid so. I really should’ve gone to sleep hours ago.”

“Fine,” Remus dragged the word out with a groan, “But let me know next time you wanna fuck with space, or deep sea stuff, or anything like that.”

Next time.

As much as Logan adored Roman, there was something very nice about having the more grim brother help him out with these experiments. For one, his creations were often much more accurate to the real world- likely because gore and destruction were that much more impactful when they were realistic. For two, he actually seemed to enjoy the work.

Logan’s deliberation was brief.

“I will.”

As it happened, the night spent delving into dozens of ideas had purged Logan’s need to use The Imagination, for the time being. Clearly, Remus was not patient enough to wait for him.

He popped up, unannounced, in Logic’s room.

“Lo!!!”

The trait in question fell out of his office chair in a very undignified way. Not that there’s a particularly dignified way to fall out of a chair, but if there was, this definitely wouldn’t have been it. He ‘ate shit’, as the saying goes.

Out of pure embarrassment, Logan made no move to get off the floor.

“Hello, Remus,” he greeted, “How may I help you?”

The Duke laughed raucously, sprawling into the now-unoccupied chair and leaning over him.

“You’re a riot, Dork,” then, added with glittering eyes, “Did you break anything?”

“No. Given that I am metaphysical, I’m not sure that I have bones.”

“I have bones!”

“Are they your bones?”

“They are bones and they are in my possession, yes.”

Logan let the subject drop and repeated his first question.

“Right, I forgot! I have an idea for an experiment!”

Logan thought that, despite his mild humiliation, it would probably benefit the conversation if he wasn’t lying on the ground, so he stopped doing that. Brushing mostly imaginary dust from his clothes, he shot Remus a bemused look.

“That’s nice. But I was asking you why you were here.”

The Duke’s face fell, almost imperceptibly.

“I thought you’d wanna know, because of what you said last time. Isn’t this, like, a thing we do now? You know how shit works, and I know how to make that shit, and then you can tell me about it!”

Oh.

“Remember when you were talking about radiation the other day? You can’t just say stuff like that and then not expect me to want to try it out, so really this is on you. It’d be dumb not to let you in on it.”

Oh.

He’d been listening to that rant? Moreover, he’d remembered it, and now had his own ideas and follow-up questions about it?

Logan felt light-headed.

“You’re probably too busy with work, huh? I guess my explosions don't have to be accurate, if you’re set on being boring,” Remus’ tone was nonchalant, but he was obviously lingering for attention. Logan then remembered that words are a thing, and people use them to communicate.

“No! I mean, yes- I mean, I’m not busy. I can join you, I- I’d like to, even,” the intelligent side heard a small voice in his head, his own miniature Virgil, screaming- what the fuck was that, get it together, Jesus, because he, despite what his fellow sides insisted, was absolutely nonfunctional when trying to form a friendship.

Remus didn’t seem to notice or care much past his own cheer.

“Cool!” he, yet again, wasted no time in seizing Logan’s arm and yanking him away, “I wanted to see what would happen to animals and plants and stuff bunches of years after lots of radiation! Do you think they’d mutate? Get all twisted and fucked up so that they aren’t even recognizable as, say, a dog?”

Logan considered the question as he was led through the Mindpalace.

“Well, nothing would be able to live there at all. Additionally, anything within a little under a mile of the nuclear fallout- depending on a few variables- would be completely incinerated upon impact.”

“Like, flesh-melting incinerated?”

“More like vaporized. The fireball would burn 10,000 times the heat of the sun.”

Remus went starry eyed, bringing them to a halt a mere five feet from the door.

“I wanna see that,” he waved his hands around at their surroundings, “Can you do the white-out thing?”

Logan, much less hesitant than last time, obliged. A small smile escaped him at the wondrous look on The Duke’s face. It was another form of expression he didn’t particularly care for, but containing his emoting was more trouble than it was worth by now. He couldn’t find it in him to care much either, for once.

“Where do we start?” Remus prompted.

“You tell me. I will help you make it as accurate as possible, and provide any insight that you want, but it is your idea,” and he wanted to hear more about those ideas. Odd and violent, mesmerizing and clever. There was so much that he wanted to hear about, to talk about, to puzzle out together.

Logan couldn’t remember the last time he’d had someone to share such interests with. Maybe, despite how deeply he cared for his ‘family’, as Patton called them- maybe it was never.

Remus chattered as he worked, disrupting the train of thought. Logan almost tuned it out- after all, everyone had grown perfectly used to The Duke’s rambling- but he caught himself. That was hardly how he should treat the side that was so strangely considerate to him, wasn’t it?

Logan listened from then on. He began to add on to the conversation, corrections and elaborations and actual questions, because he actually didn’t know some of it. He didn’t regret the choice.

By the end, Remus and Logan were sitting together in the smoldering ruins of their make-believe test town, exchanging notes for different variables they could use in the next trial. They only stopped when Logan was abruptly summoned away by Thomas. He excused himself, a bit apologetic, promising to visit again soon.

As he helped Thomas (with what really should have been a simple task, honestly), Logic wondered briefly about the origins of the hollow feeling that grew in his chest. Something distracted, longing, and unfamiliar.

And then the oven caught fire, and the only thing he felt was annoyance with the man that he was somehow a component of.

So, that was that- Logan and Remus were friends, now spent regular time together, and shared interests. By all accounts, it was a simple and obviously positive development.

But then there was Roman.

“What’s wrong with my work? You’d really prefer whatever edgy 12-year-old DeviantArt account nonsense that he thinks up?”

Logan set his book down with a sigh and looked over to his doorway, where Roman stood with his hands on his hips.

“Come in, Roman, and thank you for knocking,” he snarked. The Creative side made a vaguely sassy noise, trotting right in and flopping backwards onto the bed. Without closing the door, the monster.

“I thought that building your Weird Science contraptions was our thing.”

Logan made a show of standing up and manually shutting his door before responding.

“You don’t like my ‘contraptions’, as you call them.”

“Yeah, but I still made them for you! Because we’re friends, but I suppose you’ve forgotten all about that!”

He really should have expected the melodrama. And yet, Logan had lived in a delusional world where he didn’t care about the most Extra being on earth.

With an eye roll, Logic dropped down beside Roman on the bed- though he wasn’t half as flamboyant about it.

“I can have more than one friend.”

“Yeah, but I’m supposed to be your favorite! We’re supposed to hang out together! Do the friendship bracelets I made mean nothing to you?”

He flung his arm across Logan’s chest, a ‘friendship bracelet’ clearly visible on his wrist (a loose usage of the term, given that it was a solid gold band with inlaid sapphires, because of course it was).

Logan held up his arm as well, showing that his (silver with inlaid rubies) was still very much in use, despite his distaste for jewelry.

“We hang out plenty. It wasn’t my intention to hurt your feelings by spending time with your brother. My reason for doing so is that he seems to take active enjoyment in building and learning about these things with me. He also makes very good conversation, in regards to the more, ah, eccentric experiments.”

Roman tossed his head to the side to watch Logan with narrowed eyes. After a pause, he linked their arms at the elbow.

“Yeah, you would think that. You’re secretly just as much of a weirdo as him.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Oh please, I can barely keep up with a word that either of you say,” Roman headbutted Logan’s shoulder in what was likely another of his odd displays of affection. He let his head rest there for a minute, a rare instance of peace before he inevitably resumed talking.

“Anyways-”

“Anyway,” Logan corrected.

“Anyways, if you nerds wanna talk about your weird, creepy experiments, then I guess that’s fine. But he isn’t allowed to co-opt anything else that we do together that we both actually like- no making fun of movies together, no Crofters jams, and no poetry-slash-rap battles.”

“Of course not, Roman. You will always be my favorite person to disagree with.”

“Love you, too,” Creativity bumped him again, then sat up to stretch. Logan snorted a laugh and considered shoving Roman off the bed, watching as he raised his arms up and straightened his back. Before the trait had the chance, unfortunately, his friend was already standing.

“Leaving already? Weren’t you just going on about spending time together?”

“Nah, that was all I wanted to yell at you about for now. I’ve gotta go help Pat with dinner.”

“Well, don’t let me keep you.”

“Thanks, I won’t.”

“I hate you.”

“Ditto.”

Halfway out the door, Roman threw a glance over his shoulder.

“Oh, and whatever you two end up doing, do not give me the details. Please.”

Okay, finally, that really was that. Friendship established, blessings given, the end. A simple symbiosis.

Logan was thinking about the practical uses of medieval torture devices? Remus. He wanted to see exactly how long it would take your average healthy adult to succumb to drowning? Remus. Logan wanted to just rant, about anything and everything, his brain moving a mile a minute? Remus. They spent an inordinate amount of time together.

Occasionally, when he didn’t even have the energy to converse, he would sit down with a book in the commons when he knew Remus was there and let the trait’s never ending word-vomit wash over him. It was an odd sort of intimacy, but that fit within the theme of their dynamic. Like he said, simple symbiosis.

And that was when the not-very-platonic fondness grew. And Logan, to his own surprise, allowed it to.

After deep consideration he had seen no reason not to; Remus wouldn’t judge him, not ever. It put a name to the hollow longing that occurred whenever he, eventually, had to get back to work and part from their talks.

He hadn’t sorted out what to do about the feeling yet, but he felt no urgency.

Logan’s book lay forgotten in his lap, that morning being one of the quiet ones as he reflected on his unfamiliar emotions. It was almost nice, letting such affection curl up in his chest and settle there.

His contemplation was broken by a sharp jab to his shoulder.

“Are you listening to me?”

He tilted his head at Remus.

“Sorry, I got distracted.”

“What were you thinking about?” his eyes lit up, very obviously hoping for it to be something disgusting. Logan glanced away, given that he didn’t even like eye-contact in the best of circumstances.

“Nothing important. You have my attention now.”

Remus rolled his eyes with a huff, apparently genuinely irritated.

“Well now I forgot what I was saying.”

“Let’s backtrack: what were you talking about before?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s fine, we can talk about something else.”

The irritation had grown to something unrecognizable to Logan- frustrating, given how closely he tried to study body language. He felt a stab of guilt as Remus stood up from his spot.

“It probably didn’t matter. I’m gonna go annoy Janus.”

“Oh,” Logan’s voice was small, “Alright, then.”

He was already gone.

That was… concerning. Not to mention bewildering; Remus didn’t just pass up opportunities to talk! He didn’t just leave, not even when he wasn’t wanted! Logan really hadn’t thought his zoning out would earn such a reaction.

But he was far from perceptive about emotional problems. There was no way to know if it was anything to throw a fit over. For all he knew, it was just an off-day. He couldn’t always expect his friend to be rambunctious and energetic, even if that was a big part of his personality.

The issue would likely resolve itself.

The issue did not do that. It did the polar opposite, speeding from mildly concerning to downright frightening at a whiplash-inducing pace.

Remus barely asked questions and almost never offered insight, as he usually did when they spent time together. In fact, his contributions had become rare and unenthusiastic enough that he could have passed as neurotypical, however disturbing the thought was. And that was when they did end up spending time together, which was becoming less and less often, much to the dismay of one significantly smitten smart side.

Something was very clearly wrong with Remus. Not the demented, destructive, mildly endearing and unhinged sort of wrong. It was the wrong sort of wrong.

Logan was hesitant to confront him outright. After a couple weeks of careful consideration, a more subtle solution occurred to him, as he idly flipped through a very graphic murder-mystery late into the night. Something bloody, and awful, and very much Remus’ taste. He set the novel down, knowing full well that his friend would be wide awake as he made his way across the hall.

“Remus?” he knocked at the side’s door, wearing a smile much wider than he usually liked. He was more than willing to express exuberance, if there was even the slightest chance that it would be infectious.

The door decidedly did not fly open. Rather, after a good deal of wrapping at it, Remus slowly pulled it back and poked his head out.

“Oh. Hey.”

Logan didn't dwell on the concern that reaction brought. He had something that would cheer Creativity up, of that he was sure.

“I have a test tonight- it’s going to be very messy,” he began, searching the impulsive trait’s eyes for any signs of interest. There was the slightest glint, but not much more.

“So, you want me to make stuff for you?” His speech was monotonous.

“Yes, that was the idea. It’s going to be gory.”

Hardly a reaction. All Remus did was open the door the rest of the way to allow Logan inside. Clearly, he had underestimated just how poorly his friend felt.

“Alright, I’ll set it up for you. Just don’t take too long, I was actually hoping to use my part of the Mindscape today.”

Logan nodded, very taken aback. He couldn’t ignore the slight hurt at the cold, dismissive tone (the irony of that wasn’t lost on him).

They stepped foot into The Imagination and immediately Remus stopped, destroying whatever had been in front of them- which was usually fine, it was just how he operated, but normally out of enthusiasm, not apathy. Maybe this was more than could be fixed with some blood and guts.

“What do you need?”

Logan conjured a tiny notebook, giving a tentative smile. Still, he was giving this plan a shot.

“Operating table,” one appeared before him, sleek metal with rolly legs, “A standard set of surgical tools,” he looked up to gauge Remus’ interest, but his expression still hadn’t changed as he continued to create, “A human corpse, and then we can get started.”

With a wave, a perfectly generic body fell onto the table, but Logan’s attention remained on The Duke.

“Great, have fun, let me know when you’re finished.”

Logan faltered, watching him turn to leave.

“You- you aren’t going to stay and do this with me?”

“You want me to?” Remus crossed his arms over his chest and fixed Logan with a gaze that could (figuratively) wilt flowers.

“I- Yes? If you aren’t at all interested right now, then I can save this experiment for another day?” Yeah, this wasn’t working, but Logan had no backup.

“No, no, don’t wait for me, you’ve already got everything you need, right?”

“I mean- technically, yes, but it- it wouldn’t be the same.”

Remus cackled, sounding quite like the cartoonish villain that he often acted as. It hurt to listen to.

“So that’s what this is about! Let me just fix you up, then!”

He snapped, and a blank humanoid form appeared at his side. It tilted its faceless head curiously at Logan, who recoiled.

“Not good enough? Is a hunk of nothing too unrealistic for you?” he snapped again, and the being suddenly transformed to match its creator exactly.

Nearly exactly: it wore an enthusiastic grin, eyes wide and sparkling, rather than the steadily building fire that raged in real-Remus’ eyes. It spoke in a disgustingly cheery tone.

“Wow, tell me more! Show me that again? What happens when you do that? You’re just so interesting, Lo!”

Remus watched the creation, a look of one part pride and a million parts resentment.

“Is that what you want? It’s just like me, but without any of the hassle of being another person that you have to deal with! And this one, you really can get rid of whenever you want, isn’t that great?”

Logan looked between the two, a fearful understanding creeping up his spine. There was something he was missing here, wasn’t there?

“No,” he muttered, half to the fake-Duke and half to the real one.

“No?” Remus spat, circling his mirror, “No, of course, you’re so right. This isn’t nearly enough.”

He made an elaborate gesture, and about a dozen more Creativities appeared, surrounding them. Logan stumbled back from them, nearly tripping on the operating table that they’d previously made. When he looked up, the real Remus was approaching him with an expression that fought its way between guilt and indignation. It was all at once heart-wrenching and frightening.

Logan tried to right himself, tried to look unaffected and certain of himself, as he raised his voice. He would not let this go a step farther, despite his confusion.

“Stop,” and with that, a wave rocked across The Imagination, and all was erased. In the aftermath he stood before a teary-eyed Remus (just the one, though), uncharacteristically looking like a stiff wind would knock him right over.

“What’s wrong? I gave you what you wanted!”

Logan reeled.

“Why would you think I wanted any of that?”

“You wanted an experiment, I gave you one! You wanted a willing audience, I gave you twelve! But I guess I just get everything wrong, right?”

“You know that isn’t true,” Logan felt choked, his words clumsy. It was foreign and horrible and disgusting, but he’d trudge through it all if it meant fixing whatever he’d done wrong. It couldn’t have just been him losing focus once? Could it?

“Oh, of course, I do just enough to be useful. So I’ve got that right; I’m a good utensil. Is it so much to ask that people would care about me, not just what I can do?” he posed a rhetorical oozing with vitriol, but it quickly evaporated into something much more desperate, “What if it’s my fault? It was my idea, I wanted to help. I don’t know why I thought you’d care past all that, did I give you a reason to? I can’t remember. It might make more sense that way, if I were the problem, wouldn’t it?”

Logan was running out of time to fix this, watching Remus curl in on himself, barely keeping from falling to the floor. He had no clue how The Duke had reached the conclusion that he didn’t care about him! They spent nearly all their free time together: sitting next to each other just to have the company, throwing each other tricky and often troubling questions to answer, constantly toiling away at things in The Imagination. Sometimes, they didn’t even need to talk, they just worked together in rapt silence; Remus did the creating and Logan arranged his work just so, and- Wait. Wait. Wait.

Logan didn’t need to talk, or touch, for that matter. Perhaps it was a mistake to presume the same for such a needy, affectionate, boisterous side?

No, not perhaps, it was a huge mistake. A major fuck-up, if you will.

He’d thought, if the blunt side had needed such comforts, surely he would initiate it? He hardly shied away from anything, except, well.

Except. Feelings.

God, he was the dumbest smart person in the world.

“Oh, Remus…”

The Duke’s head jerked up, continuing his back-and-forth of desperation and rage.

“I don't need your pity!”

Logan sighed, twisting the end of his tie in frustration.

“That isn't what I'm offering,” he took a breath before continuing, linking the words together so it would come out right. “I'm so sorry, I didn't take into account how you would interpret our interactions. I thought it was obvious that I cared for you, that I didn't need to say it outright. Clearly… I was wrong. So, if you need more than what I previously expressed- which I'm now realizing was very little in the eyes of someone who is not me- then I am happy to provide that for you.”

Remus was shaken, a good deal of his ire slipping away. Whether that was good or bad remained unclear.

Before it could be overthought, Logan crossed the remaining few feet between them and brought his arms around The Duke in his loose approximation of a hug. The trait froze, but he didn't pull away.

Physical affection, check.

“I value your companionship more than I'm entirely sure how to verbalize. You understand me in a way that most others don’t seem to. While your ability to make detailed creations is very helpful, it is hardly the only thing I appreciate about you.

“For one, you make me laugh. A lot. More than I'm used to. Additionally, you can easily match the pace with which I speak, or change topics! And, you are so much smarter than you make yourself out to be,” Logan finished the spiel with a smile, genuinely proud at his ability to articulate such… sentimental things, with relative ease. Words of affirmation, check.

He snapped back to attention when Remus brought shaking hands up to Logan's chest. For a moment, he worried that Remus would shove him away. The fears dissipated when all he did was bunch the front of Logan's shirt in his hands and hold on tight.

“Do you mean that,” his volume was low, “Or do you just want me to calm down?”

Logan tightened his grip around him and, following a motion that he'd seen Patton employ many times to great success, he rubbed up and down his back.

“I understand that it might be hard for you to trust me, but I promise I'm not lying to you. I would have to be pretty awful to do something like that, wouldn't I?”

Hesitantly, Remus nodded against his collar. A good sign, but there was one thing left he had to say.

“And- If you need further convincing- then you should know. I love you.”

Remus stilled. He then unfisted his hands from Logan's shirt. It was an anticipatory second before he threw his arms around the logical trait and finally returned the hug. His hold was crushing, and it was the most comforting thing that Logan had ever felt.

They were okay.

“I'm sorry I-”

Logan didn’t let him finish the apology.

“Don't be. You didn't know how I felt, because I hadn't communicated it in a way you understood. That is hardly your fault.”

Remus nodded again, remaining much quieter than he’d probably ever been in his entire existence.

They held each other for longer than either would like to admit, speaking softly.

“Thanks,” was muttered against Logan’s shoulder.

“Of course. Just so you know, I'm more than willing to do this again whenever you need reassurance.”

“It might be a lot,” his tone was turning more mischievous, more him, “Are you sure you can handle that?”

“Absolutely.”

Logan hardly minded having an opportunity to gush about Remus to Remus. Not to mention, the physical affection was even nicer than he'd imagined it being. And oh, had he imagined it.

Remus' face returned to his usual ever-present zeal, and he ended their hug to bounce in place.

“Great! I'm good now! We can get on with that autopsy you wanted to show me- there better be buckets of blood!”

Logan shifted his weight.

“Maybe we should save that for another day.”

“Oh,” Remus' face fell the smallest bit, “Okay.”

Logan was quick to amend:

“By that I mean, I have something better in mind.”

Remus curled himself up in Logan’s lap, his eyes barely focused on the TV as the side carded his hands through his tangled mop of hair. Final Destination 3 played on the television (he had assured Logan that they didn't need to see the first two, and he was mostly right), serving as an excuse for the two to drink in each other's company.

It was right in the middle of a particularly graphic rollercoaster scene that Remus took Logan's hands from his hair to hold them, twisting around to face him.

“Is something wrong, Remus?”

“You told me you loved me,” he stated blankly.

“Yes, I did.”

“I didn't say it back!”

“No, you didn't,” it hadn't been the most important matter at the time, really. “You don't have to say it. It's perfectly okay if you don't feel the s- Mmph!”

Remus smashed their lips together, holding the sides of Logan's face (disrupting his glasses in the process) and pulling him forward harshly.

Logan, for less than a second, was floored. And then Remus tilted his head to deepen the already heated kiss, and the situation properly clicked. Logan reciprocated, slightly uncertain in his movements, wrapping his arms around the other’s waist.

Remus smiled against him. He nipped at Logan's lower lip with sharpened teeth, eliciting a very embarrassing yelp. Logic let his lips part in response as his thoughts grew fuzzier by the second.

The (somewhat clumsy) open-mouthed kiss lasted right until they absolutely had to break, separating for air. Neither moved very far, letting their foreheads rest against each other and all but panting for breath.

“I love you so fuckin' much, nerd,” when Remus spoke, their lips brushed ever so slightly, “Just so you know.”

“I picked up on that, yes.”

“A little clarity never hurts, right?”

Logan chuckled at the reference to his own sentiments, but the sound was abruptly cut off when Remus kissed him properly again.

When they broke apart, he explained how 'stupid-cute' that laugh was. And Logan, only half-joking (since when did he joke at all?), said that he’d have to do it more often.

Banter came easily to them, despite the raw undercurrent that still laced their conversation. Although, neither of them had ever found it difficult to talk; talk about the first thing that came to mind and the last thing that would come to anyone’s mind, talk about exceedingly simple nonsense and topics so intricate that they wound up sounding like nonsense, just talk.

So things would stay mostly the same. They would ramble to each other when no one else could stand to hear such disturbing things. They would sit, working side by side, running through plans and ideas and results at rapid-paced speech. They’d speak, and they would listen, when even their closest friends couldn’t manage such patience.

Only now, sometimes the rushed words might turn soft. Now, all that ranting might be more substantial than anyone would at first see. Now, they’d still listen, but leaned close together, gazes impossibly fond.

But then, on occasion, they would find that there were things far more fun than talking to do together.

@shrimp-crockpot

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the-odd-job · 3 years

Note

What is your step by step drawing process like, if you don't mind my asking?

I'll just use Sunstealer as an example since he's the most recent thing I did. Under the cut because this is horridly long. You wanted step by step, I’ll give you step by step.

That is a threat.

And every step of the way I use a sharp pen with high pressure sensitivity and a sharp eraser with high pressure sensitivity, unless stated otherwise.

1. Alright, sketch first of all. I pick a whatever color, set a folder to multiply, and add layers in it. I start with the face/helm and take moderate care with making it look decent.

2. From there I sketch the rest of the the pic, preferably very loosely. I aim to not lift the stylus from the pad very much and instead just SCRIBBLE lines into the vague shape I'm after.

3. Set the sketch folder’s opacity real damn low, like somewhere under 10%, create a new folder, set it to multiply, and this is where the horrid amount of layers and layer folders I use comes in. But, you can see I actually did a second sketch of the arms (and legs, though that isn’t visible here) ‘cause I couldn’t make them look right based on my initial sketch.

4. On top of my second sketch I draw the rest of the clean lines. The lines were drawn with this purplish color, btw. I use something akin to it pretty often in my lineart.

5. After all that I use the Auto Select tool to select everything outside my lineart, e.g. everything I don’t want to have color. I then invert the selection and lay down my flats. At this point I used the gold as my base color, but then added separate folders for each following color, clipping them to the gold base layer below. In the case of black, its folder has a whole bunch of layers while I tried to figure out what parts to color black. With layers for the different parts, I can just click them on and off to see what things look like with or without them.

6. Okay, now to the meat of things. I use a correction layer (hue/saturation/luminosity in this case) to change the base gold to a far darker color that I can easily edit later without losing my initial color choice, and create a new layer on top of all my colors, set it on multiply, and in this case used a sort of peachy color to add my first shadows on top of the whole entire picture. At this point the exact colors in use don’t matter one bit, though, as long as you see what you’re doing.

7. I create a second multiply layer on top of the last one, and go over the whole thing again, adding deeper shadows, this time using bright red. But again, color doesn’t matter yet. I like contrast too, so you can see some areas turn almost black.

8. Shinies! We add our first Add (Glow) layer (that can be named differently in other programs, in SAI it was just “Luminosity”). Once again, color doesn’t matter, just as long as you see what you’re doing, but I was working with about the same peach I used on my first multiply layer. And how I add the shines is basically just color the glow over the whole area, then use the eraser in sweeping and circling motions to remove parts of it. I don’t treat each plate/portion separated by lines individually, because then you’ll just end up with mismatched areas that don’t communicate with each other at all and just fight. (Remember to erase the shine from over your shadows too. Auto Selecting the shadows and erasing the glow from the selected area is a good trick.)

9. More shinies! This time we want it to show up as a bit lighter/brighter than our previous shiny. Using a brighter color or higher opacity does the trick. I do the same thing of coloring large areas and erasing shapes out of them afterwards, but this time I make it argue with my first glow layer a bit. Some overlap is good, but I also want them to live their own lives. (I included a view of the second glow layer alone, but I worked with both glow layers visible.)

10. We now have two multiply layers and two glow layers. What we also have, is a base color (gold) and separate folders for every subsequent color (black, face, insignia in this case. And optic, but let’s not touch that yet). We now copy our two multiply layers and two glow layers, and move copies of them into each folder (sans optic) and clip them to the base layer in that folder. We move copies of the multiply and glow layers right over our base layer too, below our other color folders. (I deleted the glow layers from the “face” folder because I don’t want the face to be as shiny, and the multiply layers from the “insignia” folder because there’s actually no shadow over the insignia.) We can make our original multiply and glow layers invisible so they’re not messing things up, and what we should have is... The same exact thing as in step 9. Wow.

11. Now we actually make it look good! Though let’s just color the optic while we’re at it so it’s not all empty. Anyway, this is the stage where we really start to think about color and opacity. I want a neutral lighting to showcase his colors best, so let’s see how we get that. The thing we’ll just do is use Tonal Correction > Hue/Saturation/Luminosity to change our multiply and glow layers one by one, starting from our first multiply layer. I turn the other multiply and glow layers off so I can see what I’m doing and and tweak the colors until I get something that doesn’t scream “interesting lighting”, because I want neutral lighting.

12. Then I go through all of the layers one by one and do the same thing to each of them. The reason I have them each on separate layers is exactly this, that I can affect all of the drawing’s colors individually and make them look just as I want to and always have the option of just going back and easily editing things. I also add a glow layer to the face, but with a brush rather than a pen so I get a softer look, buuut then add a second glow layer with a low opacity to add just a little bit of sharp light in there. And now we have a thing! But it looks pretty flat, doesn’t it? We don’t want that.

13. First of all, let’s add some soft glow to the gold. New glow layer below our multiply and other glow layers, choosing a soft color to accentuate the gold, and then using either a brush or airbrush we add just a bit of color in there. Arrows point to the spots where I added it, because we want the effect to be subtle and easy to miss.

14. We can do better than that, though. Let’s add a multiply layer and do the same thing, adding juuuust hints of darker color here and there. It adds a touch more depth, but again, we want it to be easy to miss.

15. Let’s have a look at the black, next. You may have noticed I turned off the second glow layer on it entirely, and that’s because it was decided that the black shouldn’t be as shiny as the gold. We still want to add some life to it though, and because Sunstealer’s black tints towards blue, let’s make some blue happen by adding a glow layer, and again, very softly with a brush or airbrush, add just hints of color in there.

16. It still doesn’t really good though, does it? It’s pretty boring and lifeless despite our efforts. More layers, then! Some fucking edges, this time. A glow layer above all of our existing layers and folders to affect all of them (except optic, ‘cause optic doesn’t need it), take good ol’ bright white, turn the opacity down a bit, and add sharp light to the edges. Like, all the edges that are touched by light. Seams, everything. We want this motherfucker to shine.

17. Okay, now do the same, except this time on the shadows. The layer is on lower opacity and I didn’t use white but desaturated blue instead. Just add a bit of reflected light in there.

18. Slowly getting there, but let’s do a couple more things. First of all, warm color. Basically, I just like to slap a random color on top of the whole damn thing when I’m finishing a drawing, using either a color, a glow, or a normal layer, depending which one gets me the best results that time. Or, all three, if that’s what I feel like. This time I used a color layer with briiiiiight neon orange. I switched the layer to normal and opacity to 100% so you can see where it’s actually applied, which is, again, on top of all the layers. A pretty large area, but even on 100% opacity with a normal layer you can see it’s pretty transparent. If I had wanted to do a more interesting lighting, I would’ve left it more visible and maybe added another similar layer in a different color, but I wanted neutral lighting so we leave it as just a tiny, tiny hint in there.

19. Still not done. Colors reflect other colors, so let’s make that happen on the black and have it reflect our gold some.

20. Almost there. What are we missing? Color correction, that’s what. I didn’t do much of it for this piece, but with some I really play around with correction layers and layers set to overlay and whatnot. But let’s see what we have here. First of all, there’s one brightness/contrast correction layer affecting the gold only, increasing the contrast so things look a bit brighter.

21. There’s also a second brightness/contrast correction layer, this one simply increasing the brightness a bit. It’s mostly for the sake of the black, because I wanted to make it look a bit more blue by making it lighter, but it worked to make the whole image a little brighter along with it. Aside from the optic, that’s still on top of everything else. But like said, how many corrective layers I have going on depends entirely on what I’m doing. In some cases I can have around a dozen in effect, not all of them always affecting the entire image, but split around to do their thing on different layers.

22. But speaking of the optic! It glows, so let’s make it glow with two layers on top of both of the “color” and “lines” folders. One layer is for the blurred red glow, the second is for the sharply reflected light.

23. And for things like these I like a simple background, which I generally do by just using a couple of gradients and altering their color to whatever looks decent. I also often add an outline to the entire character in pieces like this to make the character pop a bit more, by just copying my base color layer and performing gaussian blur on it.

WHEEZE. That’s that, though. Finished product can be viewed here.

Oh, and ctrl+shift and tap will jump you straight to the layer you tapped on. Makes moving between layers and finding the damn layer you wanted to edit a hell of a lot easier.

Annnnnd obsessively naming layers and layer folders so you can tell what the heck they actually are when you have way, way many layers to work with.

*thumbs up*

#asks #anonymous #is that step by step enough #i might've forgotten to mention some layers because there is A Bunch even just for the colors #but i tried to be thorough #but yeah non destructive editing and editability #that's how we get to some overachieving layer counts but make sure we can always go back and always have control

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ohh-baekhyun · 4 years

Text

Sugar | 01

summary: getting into a performing arts college isn’t cheap. In desperate need of money, you sign yourself up on a dating site called Sugar. There, you match with a wealthy and handsome man named Mr Byun.

genre: softdom!baek, sugardaddy!au, collegeprofessor!au.

ONE - Mr Byun

“Hi dear, I’d love to have you as my sugar baby. Reply if interested.”

“What are the terms?”

“Can we meet up tonight? We can discuss the terms over dinner. Daddy will compensate you for your time too ;)”

You scrunched your nose in disgust. This man was still a stranger to you and he was already calling himself your daddy? Such a turn off.

Leaning back on the bed, you released a huff of breath. For the past few days you’d been talking to the men you encountered through a dating app called Sugar. It’s a place where you find wealthy men who offered financial support in exchange for companionship and sometimes, relationship, be it sexual or romantic. You badly needed the money to pay for your bills. Getting into a performing arts college wasn’t cheap, and you knew you were in no place to be selective, but none of this man attracted you like Mr Byun did.

You knew Mr Byun through the same dating site. He had yet to disclose his full name, but you saw from his profile that he was ten years your senior. On your first meeting, he had to cut the date short to attend to an urgent matter. That was the last time you saw him. Even though he said he’d keep in touch, you hadn’t received a text or call from him at all. To say you were disappointed was an understatement, because you were so wildly infatuated with him, he was all you could think about. Apart from that, it was rare to find a sugar daddy who’s both rich and good-looking like Mr Byun. Most of the men you talked to were too old for your liking, and you would never want to sleep with them. But Mr Byun, God...you may only be eighteen and have just a little experience with men, but with all the naughty things you fantasized him doing to you, you might as well be a slut.

Your thoughts were interrupted when your phone vibrated in your grasp. You lifted it up to your eye level.

Hi, I’m back in town. Are you free to meet up?

You bolted upright in bed, staring down at the text you couldn’t believe you received. A smile formed, and your heart rate sped up in excitement. Hastily, you unlocked your phone and tapped on the message bar that led you to the chat room. You stared at the text for a moment before started typing ‘Hi Mr Byun, yes I’m free! Where should we meet?’ so rapidly that you had to pause to remind yourself to not sound too desperate.Shaking your head, you deleted the text you had written and replaced them with, Hi Mr Byun, yes, I have the day off.

Your stomach did a little flip when you sent the message, and the flip intensified when you saw that Mr Byun was typing his reply. His text arrived half a minute later.

Mr Byun : Are you home?

You: Yes :)

Mr Byun : Forward me your address, I’ll meet you there.

After sending him your address, you got off the bed to change into something more presentable. You didn’t own a wardrobe, so your clothes were kept inside a suitcase under your bed. You knelt down to pull it out, then you started choosing. There weren’t many options to choose from anyway. At last, you settled with a strapless, white summer dress you got from Zaraon a 75% sale. It was casual enough to be worn at home.

Once you were dressed, you shove the suitcase back to where it belonged and took a glance around your studio apartment. Everything was in place but the room was cramped. You sighed, feeling somewhat embarrassed of your abode. You weren’t even sure if this was considered an apartment. There was only enough space for one bed, a study desk that you used to do your homework and eat, and a small bathroom. ‘He’ll understand’ you thought. Afterall, you wouldn’t be looking for a sugar daddy if you could afford a nice place to stay.

The wait for Mr Byun to arrive felt like forever. You sat on the edge of your bed, your fingertips fiddling with each other on your thighs. You were both impatient and nervous. Mr Byun wasn’t a scary person, but something about his presence made you want to bow down to him like you’re his servant. You wondered what he did for a living, a CEO maybe? From the way he carried himself, he seemed like a person of high authority and influence.

The ringing of the bells startled you. You stood before the mirror and did a quick check on your appearance before answering the door. Taking a deep breath, you unlocked and opened it. The man who stood at the door glanced up from his phone, eyes locking with yours. In that instant you heart rate quickened. He wore a black semi fitted t-shirt that accentuated the broadness of his chest, and a pair of dark jeans that hugged his legs perfectly. You noticed he had gotten a haircut too. The last time you saw him, his fringe was down and he looked much younger than his age. Today, there was a slight parting on the front portion of his hair that made him look more mature, more handsome than he already was.

“Hi, Mr Byun.” you say with a small smile.

“You look pretty.” He praised, his lips tipping up slightly when he detected the blush spreading across your cheek. “Can I come in?” He asked, shoving his phone to the pocket of his jeans.

You nodded, stepping aside to leave some space for him to enter. As he walked through the threshold, you got a whiff of his earthy smelling cologne. You didn’t understand how someone’s scent could turn you, it just did.

The door closed and you stood behind Mr Byun as he assessed your room. He turned around and you were grateful he didn’t make any comment. Instead, he handed you a brown carrier that you didn’t know he was holding because you were too busy ogling.

“What’s this?” You asked, taking the gift from him.

“Chocolate.”

You examined the carrier. There’s a Pierre Marcolini Brussels written in cursive. You had never heard of the brand before, but it sure sounded expensive. “Thank you.” you look at him with a smile. “Did you visit Belgium?”

“No, I just got back from Paris,” Mr Byun said. He casually shoved his hands into his jeans pocket as he glanced around your room and say, “They have a few branches there. It’s my personal favorite.” His eyes drifted to you again. “Try it.”

“Okay.” you took a seat on the side of your bed and Mr Byun lowered himself beside you. He was sitting in such a close proximity that you could feel the heat his body radiated. “I haven’t had chocolate in a while,” you attempted a small talk while fishing the box out the bag. You’ve never seen chocolates packed in such a luxurious box like this. Inside laid an array of bite-sized chocolates in different shapes. You glanced at Mr Byun. “Which one should I try first?”

Mr Byun stared down at the box and considered. He finally picked a heart-shaped one. “I think you’ll like this one.” you were a little clueless when he held the sweets up to your lips. “Open up,” he orders gently. You stared at the chocolate he held in between his fingers and gulped. Tentatively, you parted your lips and took the sweets into your mouth.

“Like it?” Mr Byun asked. You gave him a slightly enthusiastic nod as you chewed. He continued to watch your lips moved. “How old are you, sweetie?”

You were taken aback by his question and your mind started to whirl in panic. If he found out how old you were, would he still agree to be your sugar daddy? It wasn’t easy to find someone like Mr Byun on Sugar. Most of them were too old and the first thing they asked for was sex. Mr Byun was different. He was a rare find and you wanted him as much as you needed his financial support.

“I-I’m twenty.” your heavy heart was beating so fast because of the lie you’d just told. Not wanting Mr Byun to notice, you dropped your gaze to the chocolate box on your lap. You occupied yourself by closing the lid and turning away to set the box on the empty space next to you. You took a deep breath before looking at Mr Byun again.

Luckily, he didn’t seem to catch your bluff. “Have you had a sugar daddy before?”

You shook your head. Despite the unease gurgling inside of you, you managed to keep your voice steady. “What about you, Mr Byun? Have you had a sugar baby before?”

“Not a sugar baby, but I had a few subs before.”

“I see.” you hum, tilting your head slightly. “Do you want me to be your sub?”

“Preferably,” he says. “But only if you’re comfortable with the things involved in the relationship.”

For a short moment, you considered. You’d chanced upon an article about the Dominant/submissive relationship before. You were intrigued, but you’d never experienced it first hand. “I don’t think I understand entirely what it means to be a sub. Will you enlighten me, Mr Byun?”

“There’s no one way to explain it. It can mean different things to different people. But what it means to me is that I want you to belong to me. Every inch of your body–“ his speech slowed down to a halt as he slid his gaze over your body. Your breathing slowed when he looked into your eyes again. “Mine to discipline, mine to pleasure, mine to care for. You will submit to me and trust me to dominate you the way I need to. But, everything I do will be consensual. And you have the power to control when it stops.”

At his last sentence, you gave him a questioning stare. “Aren’t you the one who has power over me? since you’re my dom?”

“That’s not entirely true.” he disagreed. “As a dom, yes, I have a need to be in control and to test your limits. But only if you give me your absolute trust to do so. Meaning, I only have as much control as you let me have. You are the one who set the limits and decide when it stops. That’s why having a safe word is important. Because the moment you say it, I’ll stop. I won’t force you beyond what you can handle.”

You parted your lips in an ah and gave a small nod in understanding.

“Are you up for it?” Mr Byun asked.

“I...uh–“ you hesitated. He stared at you with raised brow. “Will I be your only sub?” You asked, biting your lip shyly. “Or do I have to share with other girls?”

His gaze descended to your lips. A smile formed and he whispered a small cute before looking into your eyes again. “We’re exclusive, sweetie.” He said in a gentle tone. You smiled, liking the way he spoke to you. “Anymore question?” He asked.

You nodded. “How do you like me to address you?" you asked. "Sir? master? daddy? or just Mr Byun?”

The side of his lips tugged upward. “I’m not strict on that. Anything would be fine by me. Which one do you feel comfortable using?”

“I–I think I prefer addressing you Mr Byun,” You muttered in a small voice. “Is that okay?”

“That’s alright,” He approves. “What about you?” His hand was now making its way to your face, and it is making you breathless when he trailed the back of his hand along the curve of your jawline. “What would you like me to call you?”

The sudden skin contact made you nervous, but the gentleness of his touch was calming at the same time.

“I’ll let you choose,” You said.

There was a short silence where he stared at you, possibly considering the right choice. “Sweetheart, or princess,” He eventually voiced the word in a low whisper, his lips forming a smile. “They both suit you well–“ his eyes roamed your face, half-studying, half-admiring. “–you’re very beautiful.”

Heat bloomed across your cheek and you had to cast your eyes down because of your sudden shyness. Laughable, honestly. You’d heard the same compliment so often to the extent that it meant nothing, but why did it feel heart-fluttering when Mr Byun said it?

“Thank you,” you mumbled, brushing back a strand of hair that fell over your cheek. “You’re very handsome too.”

“Look at me when you speak, princess.” He said, and though his tone was nowhere near annoyed, it was enough to make you snapped your head up in alert. Mr Byun pinned you under his steady gaze. He slid his forefinger underneath your chin, tipping your head up just a little. “Another thing,” he taps your chin with his thumb. “Do not mumble.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, puckering your lips apologetically.

“It’s okay.” He stroked your chin gently. “But the next time it happens, I might have to punish you.”

You raised a curious brow at him. “With spanking?”

“Yes, that’s one way.” He retracted his hand from your face and casually crossed his arms over his chest. “But if you’re too naughty, the punishment will be more severe. And it can be either physical or non-physical.”

“What kind of non-physical punishment?”

“Silent treatment, no cuddling, and sometimes, I won’t allow you to talk for a set amount of time.”

“Oh that’s bad.” Your expression wrinkled. “What’s the worst kind of punishment?”

He paused to ponder. “Multiple orgasms.”

“Orgasms huh?” the corner of your lip lifted. “That doesn’t sound so bad.”

Mr Byun gave a huff through a smirk. “Wait til’ you experience it, princess.”

Your smile grew cheeky. “I can’t wait.”

He let go another huff through his nose, shaking his head mildly. Tearing his gaze off you, he took a glance around your room. “Do you like staying here?”

“It is small, but I’m used to it,” you tell him. “Beside, I can’t afford a bigger room at the moment.”

He turned to you. “I own a spare apartment near my workplace. It would be easier for us to meet if you stay there.”

You didn’t say yes to the offer but hesitated. “How long is this arrangement going to last, Mr Byun?”

Mr Byun gave an insouciant shrug. “As long as we want it to be.”

“So…no strings attached? You’re just paying me to sleep with you?”

His brows dipped in a frown. “Princess,” he said in a slow, chasitising tone. “I’m not going to fuck you everytime we meet. This isn’t just about sex. Sometimes we can just talk and enjoy each others company.”

“And cuddle?” You asked, gazing up at him with hope in your eyes. “I love cuddles.” you added softly.

His lips curved up. “Yes, princess...cuddle, movies, whatever we feel like doing.”

Even though you were pleased with his answer, you were also confused. The things he described sounded like what a couple normally did. “Mr Byun?” You have to think twice before asking the next question because you didn’t want to creep him out. “What if one of us catches feelings?”

Mr Byun gave you a long stare and you started to worry if you’d asked the wrong question. You were going to tell him to ignore your question but he had opened his mouth. “Then the deal is off,” He said firmly, leaving no room for questions. “It’ll only complicate our arrangement and I’m not looking for a serious relationship.”

Part of you was disappointed, but the other part of you were glad you asked because now you knew you had to keep your feelings on guard. Afterall, teenagers like you had a way of falling fast and carelessly in love.

“You can keep this apartment,” Mr Byun’s suggestion stopped your ongoing thoughts. You refocused your eyes on him. He was standing up now. “I’ll pay the bills. But you don’t have to stay here for the time being.” He pushed his sleeve back and gave his Rolex a glance. “I have to go now.”

You lift yourself up to your feet, looking at Mr Byun with a sadness in your eyes you couldn’t mask. Do you have to wait long to see him again? Will he come back? What if he changed his mind and ghosted you at the end?

Mr Byun studied your face with a knit between his brows. He seemed to have noticed your disappointment. Stepping forward, he slid an arm around your waist and pulled you to him, chest to chest. His eyes bored into yours and his lips hovered just inches away from yours. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” He whispered, eyeing your lips intently now. “Give me a kiss, princess.”

Your heart palpitated at his sudden request. Your gaze flickered between his eyes and his soft lips. Swallowing your nervousness, you tipped your chin up to press your lips to his lips in a short kiss. You broke the contact and move your face inches away from his. You’re blushing deeply.

Mr Byun smirked at your shyness, his dark eyes latching onto yours. “So fucking beautiful.” He rasped and in your next breath, he was already pounding his lips onto yours. There was nothing soft about his kiss, he was aggressive, relentless. Your felt your legs quivered and you made a fist on his shirt to hold on. When he let go, his warm breath puffed over your lips, sending shivers all over your body. He gazed down at you, lifting a hand to sweep his thumb the seam of your lips. “Good night, princess.”

You inhaled shakily and managed a smile. “Good night.” you said breathily.

Soon Mr Byun’s hands were no longer holding onto you, and you inwardly whined at the loss of warmth. He made it to the door and you stayed behind him, watching his back. “Mr Byun?” you called out as he was about to hold the door handle. His hand halted mid air and he brought his head around, raising his eyebrows at you. “May I know your full name?”

“I'm Byun Baekhyun.”

#baekhyun #baekhyun smut #exo smut #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun fanfics #baekhyun x you #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun fanfictions #baekhyun fanfiction #baekhyun daddy #baekhyun x oc #baekhyun imagine #exo fanfic #exo fanfiction #baekhyun imagines

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decendingfromgrace · 4 years

Text

Comforter Conversations

Bakugou x Fem!Reader 18+

Warnings: assplay, 69, mutual oral, multi positions, fingering, smut

Words: 3K

I let myself be more flowy with this one and just let myself type what I felt was right to type, so hopefully you like it! Also, sorry if the format is weird, Tumblir kept deleting the story when I tried to fix it.

Part One

The cool night air carried moon lit illumination through the room, and it cast downward into two individuals sitting on a bed, one of them was amused and secretly flattered while the other was silently fuming with pure embarrassment.

“So, yeah that's why I did, uh what I did” Baugou made no attempt to look at you,the embarrassment flooding his system was causing his face to flush rose and his heart to beat in a sporadic tempo. You stifled another giggle once more as you looked at the infamous hard ass of UA now blushing and shuffling nervously from one leg to another.

Your admiration for Bakugou had been pushed aside through your years at UA, there was simply no rhyme or reason for why he would feel any similar way and you didn’t dare threaten the unspoken friendship you shared with him. Though that friendship was the same as all the other members of the bakusquad, you wanted something more. Significantly more. Each time you saw that look in his eyes, the one that appeared more soft when he saw you made your heart skip a beat. His smirk, his attitude, tenacity, everything that made Bakugou himself you noticed and you fell in love with each one. Yet, you never acted on any feeling out of fear of rejection which was absolutely possible since Bakugou was never known for his soft accepting side, but you knew it was there.

This compilation of unrequited feelings, ones pushed so deep down for so long, finally seemed to burst from your chest once you returned from your trip. The moment you stepped into your UA dorm you instantly noticed the way your room had changed. Someone had been in here and attempted to cover their tracks. The dresser had clothes missing, your shirt and, much to your utter horror, a pair of panties, but then you moved to your bed. The intense scent of caramel and spices almost knocked you over, but once you sank into the warm, and surprisingly freshly washed sheets you began to piece together what had happened. That familiar spicy caramel scent floated around you and made you feel comforted and safe, just as you knew you would always feel in Bakugou’s arms. You examplined your pillows, they all seemed oddly washed, except one which seems ruffled and messy that practically was coated in Bakugou’s scent. You took the pillow case off and placed it off to the side, knowing you’d have to examine it further to confirm your suspicions, but your fatigue was driving you forward.

‘Looks like i’ll need to have a talk with Bakugou about his infatuation with my pillows”

The welcoming warmth of the sheets and pillows broke once you heard a subtle hit of something against the thin drywall of one of the rooms from the hallway, the accompanied sound was muffled and hard to make out, but you swore they were groans and pants. Immediately your face flushed with the realization that someone was exceptionally lucky tonight, you began to go through who could possibly be up at this hour and with who.

‘Let’s see, there's Kiri, Mineta, Shoji.. Katsuki’

Your mind blanked at the idea that Bakugou could be with someone right now, a flare of green jealousy crackled your chest as you found yourself pressing up against your door to try and catch the sound of a name, but once you heard your name your heart leaped in a shocked embarrassment. It was soft, muffled by something, but you most certainly heard the pleasurable moan of your name and a powerful blush came over your cheeks and a coil of heat settled in your lower stomach.

Suddenly all the outlying pieces connected and an idea popped into your skull, a sly smirk came over your countenance as you scampered to grab one of your “special pillows” , as you had newly dubbed them, and went to slip into the hallway to finally confront the explosive blond.

And so came to this moment, Bakugou had just admitted to you his emotions and his, admittedly invasive, solution to his unrequited feelings. You finished your giggling fit and looked at Bakugou, his wheat colored hair had turned silver in the moonlight, his eyes held an embarrassment but also a more subtle emotion, one barely veiled behind his anger.

“Go ahead and laugh then! It’s not my fault, it’s your fault shitty women! I-“ You quickly leaned in, two hands cupped his jaw as your soft lips connected to his, effectively silencing him. Those feelings, those damn feelings of want and love, came crashing over you in the shape of a raging fire, and from the way Bakugou eagerly returned the kiss gave you the notion that he felt the same.

“Guess that means you like me back huh, Princess?” You smiled at the nickname and the way his voice deepened and draped your arms over his neck as his arms came to wrap around the dip of your lower back, you shared another kiss.

“I suppose it does, the question is: what are you gonna do about it?” Bakugou smirked and a small growl passed over his lips, cherry eyes bore into you as his lips went from your lips in a slow and sultry rhythm to the side of your neck, soft sighs escaped you.

“Is this ok? You do want this, right?” You gave a chaste kiss to his temple, the tips of his ears burning red like his cheekbones as his lips found the point of where your neck met your shoulder and you shuddered.

“Katsuki, I want you. I’ve wanted you for a while now, so please, take me.” Bakugou gave a deep growl, one that made your thighs tense around the sudden knee Bakugou put between them as he loomed over you, his mouth hungrily kissing each portion of skin he could, singing your praises with each searing touch of his lips against your already heated skin. Once his hungry kisses along your neck and shoulders became shockingly harsh bites did you begin to gasp and pant. His name reached his ears in a needy whine as he dipped his chilled hands under your thin shirt to run along your sides and a shudder, violent and inviting, scurried up your spine.

You whined again as his knee came to press snuggly against your clothed core as his hands slide over your breast to massage and pinch your nipples, the fact that no bra was present to impede his hand’s wandering path made Bakugou smirk against the space between your breasts, his teeth skimmed over the sensitive area before moving to roll his tongue against one of your harden buds while his other hand tentatively went down to your soiled panties, when the calloused pads of his fingers felt your wet slit and went to circle your clit, a practically feral snarl broke his demeanor and the sucking on your nipple turned into a harsh bite. Your first true shriek cut through the air, but Bakugou quickly pulled away from your breast to place a hand over your mouth, a smirk came over his face.

“Your voice is addicting Princess, but you gotta keep it down...Unless, you want them to hear you.” His smirk aided to the intensity his now dilated eyes held while his lazy stroking of your clit turned into two wide digits entering you. A sharp gasp cut your breath off as your heavy breathing became moans and groans of his name as each point when his fingers became knuckle deep did his thumb come up to swipe against your clit.

“That’s it baby, let everyone know who’s making you feel this good.” That coil, hot and toe curling, began to tighten but in a way unlike any other. You felt put electricity course through you and become infused in a circuit connecting you to Bakugou, it felt other worldly. Above you, Bakugou was easing himself out of his sweatpants while his free hand scooped up your leg to place it over his shoulder, his bare shoulder was scorching but it only added to the heat flooding your buzzing system. Your eyes, hazy and lust filled, looked away from Bakugou kissing the inside of your thigh and down to his weeping cock. The precum was shining in the silvery light as it trailed down his shaft to pool on your thigh, his legs straddled your thigh as he rocked his hips against your plump skin, his soft breaths against your inner thigh made you mewl, but you wanted more. On the cusp of your climax, you moved a shaky hand to grip his wrist, his fingers stilled and his cherry eyes moved to your face.

“I wanna make you feel good, Katsu. Let me-“ Your eyes landed on his cock, the leaking tip a deep rose color as the pearly precum chilled your skin, your tongue subconsciously came out to wet your lips. Bakugou pulled away, he pumped himself slowly to alleviate the almost painful ache as his eyes gazed into yours. You rose up to your knees and shuffled to be laying on your stomach in front of his cock, your tongue coming out to lick a wet stripe along the thick veins on the underside. A sigh passed his lips as he rolled his head back, but before you could take him into your mouth, Bakugou gently positioned you to be on your back, your confusion clear in your gaze.

“It’s only fair Princess, besides I’ve been wanting to eat you out for years.” Not a moment later Bakugou dropped between your legs to begin feasting on your cunt. You cried out, head thrown back in bliss and his burning hand gripped your plush thighs for dear life, his mouth alternated between encircling your clit and his tongue dipping between your folds. Your breath fanned his aching cock which brushed against your cheek from your position below him. You felt his growl against you, the following heated slap to your ass caused you to jolt.

“Use your mouth more, dumbass.” You shuddered at his sudden commanding tone, his eyes glaring at you as he shuffled his hips to gently hit his cock against your cheek. You reached up to kiss his cock before hollowing your cheeks to suck harshly on the tip, the precum dribbling down your throat. His loud groans spurred you on but the angle prevented you from completely taking him in as you wanted. You groaned in pleasure as Bakugou added two fingers, he quickly found that special spot that made your eyes roll back as you bobbed your head upwards on his length, your hand stroking what you couldn’t reach, still an unsatisfied feeling hit you and you had enough. Your ankles locked over his neck, pressing him deeper into your cunt and you used the leverage to roll you and Bakugou onto your sides. The shift made him gasp against your cunt but it also allowed you to take Bakugou’s cock deeper and your hand which stroked him went to squeeze his balls gently. He moaned fully as his tongue moved faster against your clit, his fingers driving harder. Gathering the spilt dribbling from the corner of your mouth, you lubricated your digits and slowly eased them into the tight hole of Bakugou’s ass. The blond eating you out hissed in slight discomfort, but your skilled mouth applied ample pleasure as your free hand fondled his balls, all factors combined made it easier for Bakugou to adjust to the sudden stretch.

“Yeah baby, didn’t know you were so into playing with my ass-“ A sharp gasp cut him off once you pressed into a certain place within him that made his entire body tense. - but I guess I didn’t expect you to be so hungry for my cock either.”

You wanted to retort, but the way his hips began to thrust his cock into your mouth and buck back onto your two fingers made you whine for more. That similar heat was rising fast as Bakugou licked long stripes over your clit as he added a third finger, his free hand came to spread you open while your thighs clenched around his head. Suddenly, a dam broke and you arched towards his touch while his short thrusts became sporadic. In the blinding seconds of your climax you hadn’t noticed Bakugou’s hand, the one that had been spreading you, race down to press your lips down to take him completely as he buried his cock deep into your hot throat. His moans were muffled by your cunt, but the vibrations of his voice were clearly felt. The hot sticky trails of white cum slipped down your tongue, igniting your taste buds and making you pull him deeper in. You swallowed and Bakugou groaned.

You both pulled away, panting like animals but still in one another’s embrace. The air was hot, your bodies on fire as Bakugou kissed you with a fiery need for more. His hand created burning trails down your sides as he pulled you into his lap, his back falling against the headboard as you fell onto his chest. Your eyes barely opened wide enough to see the other’s blissful face, your skin felt on fire as his hand came to squeeze your ass, you jumped when he pinched the skin and in retaliation you bit the side of his neck, he grunted.

“God you’re perfect and oh so mine. No one else will have you, got that Princess.” His mouth crashed against yours as your hand tangled in his ash blond locks, his hand trailed down your back and over your ass to position his cock to your entrance. You eagerly let him slip inside you, and your vision exploded like fireworks. The stretch felt heavenly, the aching pit in your core quelled as you became adjusted, and Bakugou was none the more composed.

“Shit, you’re tight. Probably never had such a big cock before huh? Oh, but you take me so well. I wanna fill you so badly.” You could only whimper and nod as he guided your hips to move in a quick rhythm, his grunts and groans drowning out your own high pitched gasps and moans, but he heard your enchanting voice clearly.

“You’re mine Princess, I won’t let anyone else have you. You're my woman, and mine alone, now say it.” He moves you to begin bouncing on his cock and when your ass landed on his thighs, the tip of his cock kissed your cervix. You both became louder, but being so lost in each other’s presence and lust makes you lose all other cares. His demand didn’t register fast enough for him, so to punish you he flipped you over, face down and ass up. His pace was a constant pounding of his hips, the sound of his balls slapping your clit made you cry out for more.

“Say it, baby. Tell me your mine.” You arched your back more to allow a deeper angle, and Bakugou took full advantage. He gripped your round ass and pulled you back into his fast and rough thrusts, his cock buried so deep only to be barly inside filled and emptied you in rapid succession, the sensation took your breath away. You couldn’t summon your voice to give him an answer, his irritation evident as he turned to be straddling one leg and holding the other close to his chest, his pace resumed but became sloppy. Your own tightening coil was close to snapping and judging by the way his eyes glowed with love and lust towards you and how his grip tightened said just how close he was to cumming as well.

“Dammit (y/l), fucking say it.” His fingers came to dance over your clit, his palm heated with his quirk as it quickly circled your clit. You moaned out his name, whomever was sleeping in the next room surely wouldn’t be anymore. Bakugou called your name like a mantra as he scooped your legs to be over his shoulder and he leaned forward to press your knees to your chest, the last moments of his thrusting ended with the duel release of your climaxes.

“I’m yours, Katsuki. I’m yours fuck-!” You cried out as you came hard, your body shook and your arms encircled Bakugou who had his teeth over the junction of your neck, the muffled yell of your name against your shoulder buzzed your skin. Heat spread throughout your body as Bakugou’s cum painted your pulsing walls white, the blond’s body trembled from the sheer force of his climax.

You both took a moment to catch your lost breath, your hold on him and his hold on you never wavered until his breathing evened out and he pulled away. His eyes took in every detail. Your sweaty body, messy hair, the bruises and bites all along your thighs and up to your neck, your eyes which look to him with such longing. You looked beautiful to him, and he couldn’t resist kissing you with all the love he could muster, the mix of his taste and yours mingled in the kiss, his forehead pressed against yours in a silent touch of his body. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders and your legs locked over his hips which allowed him an easy way to move you to the head of the bed. He got up, his body heat missed, but he came back with a bottle of water from his dresser and baby wipes. He handed you the cool water and began kissing and cleaning your skin as you drank. The sight of Katsuki Bakugou kissing your thighs as he cleaned his cum off your cunt was a memory you wanted to singe into your brain. Once he was done, he cleaned himself off and wrapped you in his embrace, the covers completely smelling of him as you snuggled into his side.

His arms caged around you as you pressed your face into the crook of his neck, his nose buried into your hair and a content sigh came over you but before you could fully sink into a sleepy slumber, Bakugou spoke.

“So does this mean I get to keep one of your pillows?”

#bakugou x reader #smut #my work #katsuki bakugou x reader #fluff #bakugou #pillow talk part two #comforter conversations

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moceit · 3 years

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Thomas Sanders’ Apartment

rebuilt to the best of my ability in The Sims 4

This took hours of scrolling through YouTube videos, TikToks, and Instagram and days to put together as I kept coming back and making small changes to try and get it just right.

There are some weird details in here that’s mostly to do with the scaling in the sims v. reality and I will explain more under the cut.

You can find it under the #thomassanders on the gallery and search through lots.

Now, onto the screenshots!

Alright, so let’s start with the exterior. I would like to apologize right now for the screenshots. I don’t have my mods installed because of the updates so I couldn’t change the weather and it was raining.

So this is about the shape of the front of the apartment. There will be a view of the floorplan at the end so you can get a good look at the overall shape, but this is what you’d see if you were looking at the apartment from the outside

Now this is what the apartment would like when you first enter through the front door.

Kitchen:

When player testing the house I found that the sims wanted to prepare food over the half wall onto the counter space next to the sink which looked really dumb and I didn’t want, so I placed the mug rack there to prevent that from happening. Also, you can’t place microwaves on the wall, so I put the microwave on a counter.

Living Room:

Since Thomas got new couches, that’s what I decided to include. Then there are those poufs I used in place of the beanbags, pillows, and stuff that would usually sit in that corner.

This room was the easiest to recreate (for obvious reasons) so I decided to show you the room in the perspective of each of the core sides and Thomas.

Logan:

Virgil:

Roman:

Patton:

Thomas:

One big error you’ll notice in some screenshots above for both the living room and kitchen is the placement of the closet door which would actually be place right where the carpet begins, but that didn’t work in the sims so it sits half on tile and half on carpet.

Downstairs Closet:

Pretty simple. The one detail in this closet that I made sure was included in the sims version were the shelves along the one wall. Most of the closet space has been made up though.

Now these next two rooms is where I had to get the most creative. I don’t think we’ve ever seen these two rooms, and through the hours I spent doing research for this apartment I couldn’t find anything. I can say with certainty that one of these rooms is a bathroom, and I decided to turn the other room into a guest bedroom since it seemed to be the most plausible use of the space. I think if you wanna download it and use it you can turn that room into whatever you wanted and I might make a second version of the house where I turn that spare room into a stairwell that leads to a secret space for all the sides.

Bathroom:

I kept it pretty generic, basically copying the bathroom from upstairs and changing some of the colors.

Spare room:

Once again. I kept it basic. I threw in the essential for a bedroom and put a box in thinking about the space’s probably use for storage (plus I never used that item before and just wanted to place it somewhere).

I believe this is a Lanai?:

A little outdoor back porch area. I think it’s a lanai, but you can correct me if I’m wrong. We don’t see much of it, but I think I pieced it together right. The sliding door to come out here is not functional because of the blinds, but you can remove the blinds if you actually want to use this space for anything.

Let’s go upstairs! This is where things start to get funky. I was mostly concerned with how the downstairs look since that’s what we see the most in videos and had to make due with the upstairs.

The first weirdest thing occurs right when you come up the stairs. In real life the stairs would end where that half wall would end, but in the sims the stairs stop before that so there’s just a weird gap where the half wall is placed.

You will also notice a radio. In real life that’s a printer, but there are no printers in the sims, so the radio was the next best thing.

Hall:

That one closet you see right as you get up the stairs is probably the weirdest thing to translate into the sims. In this recreation the closet is really long and narrow. You’ll see what I decided to do with that space later ;)

Thomas Bedroom:

This is the room that gave me the most trouble. I think he’s changed and moved some furniture around a lot, so different videos I was looking at showed different things. I kept going back and shuffling the furniture around until I came to this conclusion based on what I was seeing the most.

One thing different about the sims version v real life is the back wall where the closet is. In real life that wall the closet sits is on an angle, but I couldn’t make the entire wall an angle without it looking bad so I settled on only making a small portion of the wall angled and putting the closet door on a flat wall instead.

Thomas’ bathroom:

The only reason I knew there had to be a bathroom downstairs is because the only other bathroom in the apartment is an en suite, and I don’t think guests should be forced to walk through Thomas’ bedroom just to use the bathroom.

Again, the bathroom is pretty basic. When I was looking through the videos I saw there was a bath mat in the bathroom, but when I went to place it I forgot what it looked like and couldn’t find the video again, so I settled on a generic brown mat.

Bedroom Closet:

Because of the scaling in the sims, the bedroom closet is much larger than it actually is in real life. I know that closet holds a lot of costumes you see in vids so I decided to use the Get Famous racks and shelves to fill out the closet

Hall Closet 1:

I really don’t know what the hall closets look like so I just threw in a bunch of storage items. This is the closet closest to the bedroom door.

Laundry:

Once again, sims scaling is off, so the laundry space ended up being larger than real life, so I added some more stuff to it like an ironing board and the hamper.

Hall Closet 2:

The absolute strangest part of the build. Now, in real life that would just be another completely normal closet, but in the sims 4 there was additional empty space that I believe would actually belong to Thomas’ neighbor. Just want to make the exterior look alright, so I left the empty space in the build instead of deleting it, but I wanted to utilize it for something. So I decided to put a hidden door inside the closet that would lead into the spare room.

Extra Space:

I decided to turn this extra hidden room into a little room to film videos. Since Thomas is a YouTuber I decided that I needed to include the video making item in the Sims somewhere, and this was the only place it’d fit, as well as making good use of this empty space. I kept it pretty simple and decided to include a pride flag because there was nowhere else to put it, but I felt like it was a necessity.

Floor plan:

And now we’ve come to the end of the tour. In the end why did I build this? It was mostly for peace of mind. If you’ve wanted to know what Thomas’ apartment looked like, then I hope this gives a bit more clarity. Obviously it isn’t perfect, but getting a better idea about the layout is better than nothing.

Once again, you can download it. My id is keasusreevsus. This was fun!

#original #sanders sides #thomas sanders #the sims 4

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live-long-and-time-warp · 3 years

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It’s hard to leave your toxic friends... but it’s so worth it

I don’t normally do this, but as I sat in a Saturday morning meeting thinking about all of the things I felt this past Friday, I felt compelled to share my story.

A brief background: throughout college and for several years afterward, I considered my tight-knit group of college friends as some of my closest. In addition to my best friend of 20 years, some friends from high school, my work team, and some other dear friends scattered across the globe and throughout the U.S., this group of college friends was who I considered to be my foundation. This group of friends was extremely important to me, but it was not without its bumps in the road.

In my senior year of college, I had a falling out with one of these friends, the ringleader I’ll call her. I say this because she is quite honestly the source of 95% of my problems with this group. She is a master manipulator, and an expert gaslighter. There were a few others that contributed to this too, but she was by far the worst.

I can’t elaborate on every single thing that this person said and did over our 7 year “friendship” but a brief summary would be: asking me point blank if I thought I might be a lesbian after coming out as bi (to this friend group and in her presence, I might add) only several months prior; asking me how much money I spend on books about “Chernobyl” every month with the implication that she’s concerned about my finances; telling me that my resume may not be as impressive as I think it is (I’m the deputy director of a nonprofit with both state-based and national projects and had been for close to a year prior to this conversation); would clean up the crumbs from in front of me while I was still eating and comment on my messiness; told me that one of our mutual friends doesn’t like discussing politics with me because I get too fired up (again, I work for a nonprofit that deals with social justice); telling me that crying while comforting my friend who had just lost a loved one to suicide after they began crying was weird and that I “stole her thunder” (we were slightly drunk, I’m an empath, and she was talking about some deeply personal things that moved me and crying was my natural response... and oddly, she was appreciative of my tears because I was “the only person that actually stayed with her”); and so much more that I know I’m forgetting.

There were many other things more insidious, including gaslighting me about my inclusion in several group activities and why it should have been obvious why one friend disliked me enough to not invite me to her wedding after years of claiming cluelessness.

In our senior year, I left that friend for the first time after she humiliated me at a party by commenting loudly and with condescension on my weight. When I cut ties with her, I felt as if I had just left an abusive relationship, and for a while I didn’t want to seek a friendship with her again.

But the other friends in our group still hung out with both of us, so eventually I allowed myself to be sucked back in.

In the years after we graduated, I thought that this person had actually changed- I worked abroad for a year after college, and after returning I saw a marked difference in her demeanor and how she interacted with us. She seemed more self-aware of how her words and actions adversely affected other people, and I thought that maybe the ugliness of that horrible portion of my senior year was now just a faded scar.

But then things escalated very quickly. Over the course of several weeks at the beginning of this year, I started to feel myself questioning whether I had made the right choice in rejoining the group: I was so sure of how I felt after I left it the first time, I felt so empowered and free. So why did I allow myself to rejoin them? Was it really the right choice?

I got my answer a week after the insurrection at the Capitol. One friend who already had a history of saying hateful things about women (which I tried to put a stop to to no avail) finally went full white supremacist asshole, and instead of joining me in calling his comments unacceptable and defending me as he mansplained my job to me, the ringleader criticized me and told me that “I can work in activism and politics and be wrong”.

That’s the moment I finally woke up.

I left the chat that very moment. Every time they added me back without my consent, I left again.

Every time I got message from the ringleader that was full of gaslighting comments and false apologies, I didn’t say a word. Just deleted the message. Finally, I was able to gather the strength needed to block those toxic friends from all social media and my phone. One of these friends was someone I tried to make like me for years after I was told that she hated me for no reason, by her own admission.

Some may not agree with this approach, but I made the choice to cut contact and go radio silent on my own after consulting my friends, specifically my best friend who had been there for me during the incident my senior year.

As weeks went by, some of the true friends from that group reached out, and then immediately backed off after my polite request for space, indicating that I was welcome back at any time and they were always here for me.

The ringleader chose the opposite approach. She continued to gaslight me, made a group chat with myself, the white supremacist, and herself. She sent me messages from her second account, one that I remembered to unfriend but forgot to block. She told me that if I don’t “course correct” by a certain date she would block me on my account (too late, bro) and that “we wish you all the best”. This implies that it was on behalf of the entire group, something I know three of them would never do. However, at this point, I have had to distance myself from all of those friends so as not to give the ringleader the attention she wants from me.

I lost over half of my closest friends over night. It felt like my skeleton had been torn from my body. I considered giving in several times and reaching out to them. But now, over a month later, I understand how necessary it was to excise what was essentially a malignant tumor. The Chernobyl researcher in me wants to compare it to Acute Radiation Syndrome (ARS): an unseen poison that slowly infiltrates every part of your mind and body and rots them from the inside out.

2020 was an extremely hard year for me, as it was for so many. I am so lucky and privileged to have been in the financial situation that I was and had the support of my genuine friends and family.

But it was still the worst year of my life. I have suffered from pretty bad OCD for most of my life, and while I usually keep it under control, last year it became nearly impossible to do so. I also fell very deeply into clinical depression, and worked to the point of burn out and exhaustion. The primary thoughts I had during this depression were:

“Why aren’t you working? You’re lazy.”

“You’re a failure, you’re 26 and haven’t applied to grad school yet.”

“You piece of shit, still living with your parents? What a disappointment.”

“What is wrong with you?”

It was unbearable. I’m honestly not entirely sure how I survived it, but I think a certain 3-year-old goddaughter of mine and a few close, real friends had something to do with it.

I worked very hard with my friends, a therapist, and a psychiatrist to overcome this depression and get my OCD back under control. Now, I feel like such a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I still have depression, and the OCD will always be with me (like a bad habit... literally?); but I am so much more happy with myself and my life, as I should be.

And I am very, very, very well aware that therapy was not the only reason I have recently begun feeling this way. It’s very hard to see that you’re being manipulated while it’s happening. Because of my trusting nature, sometimes manipulative comments would be interpreted as heartfelt guidance.

It wasn’t until I started the journey away from them that I saw just how much this group and their negativity (because even the best of them weren’t always the kindest) impacted my mental health.

The event that made me want to share this story is this: yesterday was a rough work day. As a full-time community organizer, I am pretty much burnt out all of the time. Breaks are taken, but with projects addressing issues from COVID relief to systemic racism and police brutality, it never feels like enough.

I had to officially take a step back as a sole lead on an annual event that I organized for two years, and it was gut-wrenching.

Now, I cry often, but I don’t usually get to have therapeutic cries. You know what I mean? Like, as you cry, all of the tension that built up in your body by negative feelings is finally being released with every breath and sob?

Well, the dam finally broke in a team meeting on Friday. I started sobbing and couldn’t stop. And my colleagues were so, so kind. They let me vent, they let me cry, they would not accept my apologies for crying. They told me that I was strong for setting up boundaries, and that they were here for me.

We spent a lot of time at the end of the meeting each talking about our self-care routines. And as I sit here typing this, I am actively trying not to cry at the purity of their support.

This experience has taught me what real friends are. Real friends do not put limitations on your emotions and fears.

Real friends do not give you deadlines for processing your feelings.

Real friends do not criticize you for things that, while they may not agree with, do not affect anyone’s health or marginalize anyone.

Real friends don’t marginalize vulnerable communities.

Real friends help and support you with constructive criticism (when it’s asked for) and love, not patronization and manipulation.

I thought I knew all of these things before, but I know now that I am still learning... and that that is perfectly okay. I don’t regret most of the times we shared together. I am appreciative of the positive memories that their friendships gave me.

Three of the friends in this group are actually good people, and maybe one day when the dust is settled I’ll reach out to them and establish one-on-one friendships with them (if they want to).

And I have to thank my real friends, including @tryingtobealwaystrying, for all saying the exact same thing: you deserve so much happiness and fuck all of those guys.

So, the point of this post is to tell everyone this: you can leave your toxic friends. It’s incredibly difficult, stressful, and honestly traumatizing. And there’s no shame in needing time or feeling unable to leave those friends now. There’s also no shame in returning to those friends.

But please know, from this nerd to the reader: anyone that makes you feel any less than the beautiful, amazing human being you are and doesn’t want to help you become an even better human on your own terms is not a true friend. They don’t deserve you or the light you can bring into their lives.

And every agonizing step away from those friends is a step closer to a happier, healthier life.

#toxic frienship #mental health #living with ocd #depression #storytime

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the-apples-were-monitored · 3 years

Text

12.28.20

So. 10 years.

Yeah, today is the 10 year anniversary of me making this blog. I’d previously been an Amy Pond roleplay blog, but I tired of that after a few weeks and deleted that and made this instead. It marked the beginning of the end for my DeviantART, which I deleted a few months later.

I can’t believe I’ve been on this site for 10 years, but also can’t imagine being anywhere else. This place is part of my routine now, and I can’t imagine life without this outlet. This bastion of Old Internet Anonymity. Sure, my drafts have been broken for 2 years, but that’s Tumblr.

Thank you to everyone who’s been with me over the years, even if we’ve fallen out of touch. Special thanks to @robincrowe, @empathetic-vibrations, and my gf @super-skitty who migrated with me from DeviantART back when I was still 10nant-Fangirl. Thanks to people like @doll-frakking-house who’ve been here almost as long. Thank you all.

If you want more content from me, I post music news/trivia as well as a song each day over on my music blog, the-music-dealer.

I also post frequently on Archive of Our Own under the name the-red-rabbit. I post...

Good Omens:

“This Was Originally Called ‘Temptation Waits’, But the Title Was Left in the Car”

Ineffable Wives AU focusing on the 6000 years.

“Child in a Seacave”

Some time after the narrowly averted apocalypse, Crowley receives a message from God. But will he agree to answer her? Written because I have trauma with my own parents, but I was keeping my trans readers in mind when I wrote this one.

“Crimson and Clover”

Aziraphale tries chat-up lines.

Good Omens Series:

As Heaven is Wide Series:

Part 1: As Heaven is Wide

Aziraphale and Crowley decide to take a post-apocalypse road trip to see the world, but it gets cut short when they come upon a teenage girl who (despite her protests) needs to be rescued. Things get more complicated when they find themselves once again in direct opposition of heaven, and they have to wonder if it's worth upending their shaky peace with heaven to keep her safe.

There are trigger warnings on this multi-chapter series, but I don't go into real graphic detail because I don't think the story needs that. As someone with trauma, I don't think it's productive to be incredibly graphic. I deal more in implications and off-screen for that type of material. (If you've read some of my other stuff, this one is positively tame compared to that.)

Part 2: Perfect

While Aziraphale finds himself quite comfortable with the trials of parenthood, Crowley finds that raising a teenager is more challenging than he'd expected.

Part 3: Going to Hell (In Progress and Updating today)

Sending their daughter to her first day at school was always going to be a challenge for Aziraphale and Crowley. After all, she still hasn't got a grip on her magic and the thought of being apart from her causes them some portion of anxiety. They just want her to enjoy her new life and fit in, but that's a little hard to do when a lost ghost appears to ask her for help.

Yeah, this one's definitely inspired by Buffy the Vampire Slayer, except instead of metaphors for growing up as a general thing, it's specifically metaphors for obstacles for healing from trauma.

Community:

“And a (Short) Movie”

The study group tries to define the word 'himbo'.

“Community: The Movie (One By One They All Just Fade Away)”

It's been 5 years since Abed Nadir left for Hollywood to pursue a career in film. When he receives a call in the dead of night from Greendale, Colorado, it becomes his responsibility to deliver the news to the rest of his old study group. He embarks on an epic journey to track down Troy Barnes on his boat.

Dean-dong, the Dean is dead.

But is he?

Jeff Winger isn't so sure. He enlists the help of his old "study buddy" Annie Edison to use her FBI skills to find out what really happened to Craig Pelton.

When the study group returns to Greendale, they find that the school has been bought out by Hot Topic. Britta, who liked Hot Topic back "before it sold out", immediately channels her grief into protesting it. But when she meets a fellow anarchist who has vowed to take down the chain from the inside, she's forced to contend with the fact that shouting opinions isn't the same as creating meaningful change.

I have one Hannibal/Willy Wonka fic that I wrote for fun: “Lollirot”

Willy Wonka is a humble man with a dream of making candy for all the children of the world. When he starts running out of ideas for new confections, he seeks help for his depression. His doctor, Hannibal Lecter, is a strangely charming man with unorthodox ideas for how a factory should be run. Before long, Will starts to experience paranoid delusions about his competitors and loses his grip on reality as he sinks deeper into self-imposed isolation with nobody but his doctor to guide him.

A prequel to the show Hannibal.

One Grinch fic: “How the Grinch Got Therapy”

Epilogue to How the Grinch Stole Christmas empathizing with the Grinch. Because as a person with religious trauma, especially centered around Christmas, I think it's about time that we stop shaming people for not having fun during Christmas. Some people won't celebrate and it's weird how we're all expected to assimilate.

And my magnum opus, the fic I’ve been working on off and on for 10 years even since my DeviantART days...

Doctor Who Fic Series:

Am I...Ginger?:

Season 1: Am I...Ginger?

The Doctor swore off companions after Journey's End, believing himself too dangerous to be around them. But while looking for members of the Trickster's Brigade, he stumbled upon a child of Torchwood that made him question all that.

Of course, there's another problem. He was warned that the Trickster had a weapon, one that could defeat him once and for all. He follows the clues to London, where he finds a nameless woman whose love of history does not include sharing her own. Could she be the weapon he was warned about? Is he just interested in her as a distraction from his own mortality? Can she be saved this time? Can any of them? Or are they doomed to life the way it was written?

(Set between the Wedding of Sarah Jane Smith and the Waters of Mars.)

(There are trigger warnings, but as always it only applies to one specific chapter and potential mentions. But this will deal with issues that people might find distasteful.)

Season 2: Am I...Ginger? The Mourning After (In Progress and Updating Today)

Picking up right from where season 1 left off.

"The Doctor's dead."

That's where this story left off. Despite many attempts to contact him, he's been nowhere to be found. But DOES that mean he's dead? The ragtag group of misfits he left behind keep having conflicting thoughts on the subject. Is he dead? Held hostage somewhere in need of rescue? Just avoiding them?

Just when they give up hope, the Doctor decides to crash his own funeral. Two funeral crashings in a row, that has to be a record for him. But can he still fit in the world he left behind, or has he changed too much? Is it even a good idea to try?

Set when Amy and Rory are on their honeymoon (between "A Christmas Carol" and "The Impossible Astronaut"). This is also just after "The Death of the Doctor" episode of the Sarah Jane Adventures. As usual, I'm playing fill-in-the-blanks with unexplored parts of canon.

...

10 years flew by. You guys have been there with me through some of the toughest parts of my life. I made this blog when I was still a 15 year old in an abusive home and it’s been with me ever since. So let’s hope the next 10 years will be better lmao.

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ofthreechords · 4 years

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cadel + theron: swtor & the secret world crossover/au concept

Deleted my last post about this because I didn’t like it. Going to try again.

This is a thought that’s been in my mind for the last few weeks for no reason other than that I find it fun to imagine. What if my SWTOR character Cadel Browydr and his love interest Theron Shan were in the universe of The Secret World? (See here for more info on Cadel and Theron)

For those unfamiliar with The Secret World, it’s an urban fantasy MMO. Its setting is our modern-day Earth under attack from occult forces. There is magic, mythical creatures, and secret societies pulling the strings and controlling the world. Among these secret societies are the Templars, the Dragon, and the Illuminati.

All of these thoughts are my own and I’m not dictating what someone else’s SWTOR + The Secret World crossover should look like. I’m just writing my thoughts down so that I can keep track of them. This whole thing is hideously self-indulgent, so be warned.

tl;dr: This is how I’d do it -- Theron comes from Los Angeles, California, and was force-recruited into the Illuminati after graduating from university. Cadel was born in Ottawa, Ontario, into a Templar-affiliated family that taught him traditional Templar values growing up. Details under the cut.

-- ILLUMINATI AGENT: THERON SHAN --

Theron was born in Los Angeles, California. His parents, Jace and Satele, divorced when he was very young. They had joint custody of him, but Theron lived mainly with his mother, only being sent to his father’s when his mother had to travel for work. His mother worked in disaster relief and his father was a businessman. Theron didn’t really bond with either of his parents growing up. His mother was firm and disciplinary, and his father was very busy with work, so neither of them really gave Theron the love and support he needed. He grew up rather lonely, though he discovered a talent for music -- this became his “escape”, teaching himself piano and guitar and writing short songs on occasion. He shared his music only rarely with his peers, and never with his parents. It wasn’t until his teenage years when Theron and his father started to grow closer, and they gained some semblance of an ordinary father-son relationship. His mother started to travel for work more often, and so he saw her less. Jace learned of his son’s musical talent, and while he was supportive of it at first, he convinced Theron that he wouldn’t make a good living as a musician. Theron went to study business in university, with his father paying for all of his courses. He proved himself to be a bright student, and even his mother became proud of him -- however, she could not attend Theron’s graduation ceremony due to her work. After the ceremony, Gaia sent a bee for Theron to swallow, and part of the auditorium was destroyed in the following explosion. Soon afterwards, a group of Illuminati revealed themselves to Theron, and Jace revealed himself as a member. They covered up the incident, paid the university a large sum of money to silence them, and sent Theron to the Illuminati Labyrinth in New York. Suddenly plunged into the secret world, Theron had to rapidly learn about the existence of magic and mythical creatures and the secret organizations controlling the world. He learned how to control his newfound powers, preferring anima-infused firearms over magic. During his time training, Jace informed Theron that Satele had been missing since his graduation ceremony. This came as a shock to them both, as Jace had never known about Satele’s involvement in the secret world. He does not know where she is, but he suspects she is with the Dragon. Theron makes a living as a field agent for the Illuminati, but he disapproves of their lack of ethics, cheating others and their own people to make money and get ahead. Jace agrees with him only partially, but he argues that the Illuminati have power and they get results. Theron wishes to return to his old life in Los Angeles, but he has a feeling that his mother is here somewhere in the secret world, and he wants to find her.

-- TEMPLAR MAGUS: CADEL BROWYDR --

The Templar-affiliated Browydr family is a large and privileged family that has its roots in Cardiff, Wales, though a portion of them live in Ottawa, Ontario, and that is where Cadel was born. Growing up, many of Cadel’s summers were spent in Wales, learning about magic like everyone else in his family. In Canada, he helped his family oversee secret world activity in the area while maintaining an ordinary appearance to the mundane world -- going to school, being part of the community, et cetera. Though potion-brewing was not one of Cadel’s strong suits, cooking and baking definitely were, and they were his main hobbies throughout his childhood. Cadel expressed dreams of becoming a chef, but his parents told him that he was a Templar, first and foremost. They taught him traditional Templar values -- to fight evil and to protect the world -- and Cadel learned to embrace them. Like the rest of his family, he became fiercely loyal to the Templars, aspiring to become a Templar Knight one day, stamping out evil wherever it may lurk. He was a “golden boy” all around, even to the mundane world -- earning good grades in school, participating in sports, and being a role model to his peers. As he grew into adulthood, he started started to reflect on his childhood passion towards food, and how his parents had discouraged him from that. He still cooked on a regular basis, but he didn’t feel the same passion as he did before. He also began to question the Templar values he’d been taught -- thinking they may be too extreme or too black-and-white -- which led to disagreements with his family. Cadel ended up feeling lost, not knowing what to do with his life. He went to college and took courses in various fields like English, philosophy, and history, and while he enjoyed learning in those fields, he didn’t feel as if they were what he wanted to do with his life. Before he was able to complete a degree, Gaia sent a bee for Cadel to swallow. His family sent him to Temple Hall in London, where he learned to use his new powers, and he became proficient in many different types of magic. He favours Blood Magic and Chaos Magic in particular, and has discovered abilities in thaumaturgy. His magical prowess has earned him the respect of many other Templars, and Temple Hall has awarded him the title of Magus. Since he started working in the field, Cadel has found that what makes him happiest is work where he helps out people in need. This is consistent with one of the values his parents had taught him -- to protect those who cannot protect themselves -- but Cadel remains somewhat critical of other values the Templars uphold. To this day, he remains relatively silent about these criticisms.

-- CADEL & THERON --

(If you’re still reading this and you’ve made it this far, I respect you. I also warn you that this following section is the most self-indulgent thing ever.)

Cadel and Theron’s respective factions had them assigned to Solomon Island to rescue survivors and cull the Filth infestation, and that is where the two met. They became friends fairly quickly, and there was physical attraction between the two, but the Templars and Illuminati are old enemies, and this discouraged them from starting a romantic relationship. They kept in contact, but they didn’t meet again until months later -- when they were both assigned to Egypt to root out the Cult of Aten. During their downtime, they went to a cafe and shared stories, bonding and growing closer. They eventually confessed to each other and agreed to start a relationship, but they kept it secret from their respective handlers. From then on, working together became a rarity, but they kept their relationship stable, going on dates all over the world and strengthening their bond. Eventually they stopped being so secret about it, and thankfully, their handlers didn’t seem to care -- so long as it didn’t get in the way of their work. This led to Theron and Cadel discussing their criticisms of their respective factions with each other, and Cadel suggested joining the Council of Venice. It’s in a neutral position between the Templars, Illuminati, and Dragon, and it may enable the two to do more work helping the world and giving aid to people who need it. Months passed, and they worked and advanced through the ranks of their respective factions, and they got the attention of the Council of Venice. Some time later, they both joined. This was seen as an act of abandonment by Theron’s father and Cadel’s family. This surprised neither Theron nor Cadel, but they remained firm in their decision. They both wanted to work in an organization that aligned with their morals. Eventually Cadel’s family warmed up to the change, though Jace cut off all contact with Theron. This made Theron depressed for a bit, but Cadel was endlessly supportive of him. Working for the Council was not all the two had hoped it would be -- it was and still is slow and inefficient, but Cadel and Theron were still doing work that they enjoyed. Cadel’s family began to accept his and Theron’s relationship, and Theron took this as confirmation -- he and Cadel were made for each other. Theron proposed, and they eventually got married, with all of their friends and Cadel’s family at the wedding. They had invited Jace, too, but unfortunately he did not come. To this day, the two still work for the Council and are still in love. Theron goes crazy for Cadel’s cooking, and Cadel helps Theron re-kindle his passion for music. Theron knows that his mother is still out there, and he intends to find her. Cadel intends to help him.

#my swtor #theron shan #cadel browydr #crossover #au #alternate universe #swtor #star wars: the old republic #the secret world

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forever-forgotten-angel · 5 years

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Sometimes when I'm really anxious I like to listen to the little videos Thomas posts occasionally where he thanks us for our support and says he loves us and it calms me so I keep imagining Virgil doing the same thing....what do you think?

How dare youAnon? I have no less than 3 things I need to be writing and you make me write adifferent thing. Honestly though this idea was too cute not to write a littlething for. So I hope you’re happy with yourself Anon, a short fic is under thecut (sorry if you just wanted an answer and I went overboard, I just reallyloved the idea).

Virgil didn’t remember exactly when it hadfirst happened, though it was a while before he was accepted he knew.

It had notbeen a great day for him, and he’d been going through Thomas’ social mediaposts for the day, looking for anything too embarrassing that he should get onthe host about when he saw it. It was a short video, directly addressing hisfans. It was a sweet little video, just talking about how much they meant tohim and how he appreciated their support. And then, at the end…“I love you.”There was a little more to the video after that but Virgil’s mind couldn’tfocus on it. He knew the video was not made for him; Thomas’ didn’t even likehim let alone love him. Not that Virgil blamed the host, he knew he was anasshole, but it was the only way he could get anyone to listen to him. Bymaking himself too intimidating, and scary, and harsh to ignore. Of course, thedownside of that was it got him hated by the people that meant the most to him.

Still, eventhough he knew the video was not intended for him, he couldn’t help saving itand watching again. And again. And again. Because he could pretend. He couldpretend the words of encouragement, support, gratitude, and those three littlewords at the end were for him. And it calmed him and gave him a slightly giddyfeeling inside.

He hatedhimself for it. It was pathetic. That was meant for his fans, people Thomasactually cared about. And he was perverting it. Using it for his own purposes.To make him feel better even as he made Thomas feel awful a good portion of thetime. He hid the file away in his phone, and tried his best not to bring itout.Still, on his really bad days when nothing else helped, he just couldn’tresist.

It had beena good while since he’d had one of those days.

Virgil wasa part of the group, the famILY as Patton would say, now. No longer alone. Nowwhen he had a bad day he could go watch cartoons witch Patton, or work on apuzzle with Logan,or watch Roman act out his favorite scenes from Disney movies, with theprincely trait playing all of the character, his costume changing every thirtyseconds, or even go up and hang out with Thomas. It was something he stillcouldn’t get over.

Still,every once in a while, he had one of those days. When just being around theothers wasn’t enough.

It was oneof the days he hated most of all. When nothing had really gone wrong, nothingbig was coming up, nothing was bad, and yet his anxiety was up and at ‘em. Theguilt always weighed more on him on these days as he remembers mocking Thomasabout his frustration when Virgil was more active than usual for no real reason, all the while knowing he feelsthat same frustration himself at times.

It was abit past noon, he hadn’t felt like being around the others, and was just tryingto make it through the day. He’d debated opening the video for the first timein a while and had finally given into the urge mid-morning. He is listening toit on repeat.

He feelshis stomach growl and sighs. He heads toward the mind palace kitchen, but hehears voices coming from the room and he really doesn’t want to deal right now.So instead he rises up into the real world. Hopefully Thomas won’t mind Vigilstealing some snacks from his fridge.

He takeshis phone up with him, setting it down on the counter as he opens the fridge.He hadn’t been using his headphones as the direct noise into his ears had beentoo much, even on a low volume setting. He finds some fruit in the fridge andsome leftover chocolate cake, not the healthiest option but it looks sogood. He’s making himself up a plate (making sure to leave a little bit of the cakefor Thomas), the video playing for the sixth time since he got up here when avoice sounds from behind him. “Is everything alright Verge?”

He spinsaround, facing his host, not even bothering to hide the blush rising on hischeeks. Thomas isn’t looking at him teasingly though; he’s glancing betweenVirgil and his phone with a look of concern.

Virgilreaches over and pauses the video. Standing a bit awkwardly in the silence fora moment. “It- well…I mean…I’m just having one of those days and it helps…..”He trails off, his fingers fidgeting and turning his phone in his hand. Thomas giveshim a look of understanding and comes further into the room.

“How longhave you had that video for?” The host asks curiously. Virgil shrugs before hespeaks. “A while. I- I know it wasn’t really meant for me-” Thomas cuts himoff. “It was meant for anyone who needed to hear it.” He nods. “Thanks.” Hegives the host a small smile. Thomas smiles back and then gives him anunreadable look. He holds out his hand. Virgil looks at him for a second beforerealizing he wants the phone. Virgil hands it over a bit nervously.

Thomasopens up the camera, sets it to video and hits record, looking into the camerawith a soft smile. “I love you Virgil. I love you so freaking much. You are soimportant to me, and it’s not just because you’re a part of me, it’s because you’reyou. I don’t just need you around, I want you around. I’m sograteful I have you in my life, and that you’re there for me, and that I knowyou’re looking out for me no matter what. I wish we could have been close fromthe beginning, but I’m glad that we have this friendship now. I’m so proud ofyou. You’ve come so far and I know you’re still working hard to keep goingfurther every single day. Thank you for all the wonderful things you do for meand for being my friend. I love you Verge.” Thomas stops the recording and goesto hand the phone back to Virgil.

A few tearshad escaped Virgil’s eyes as he’d listened to Thomas record his message. Thomasimmediately startles upon seeing them. “I didn’t mean to upset you, or make youfeel weird or anything…I just thought you might like a more personal message.If it bothers you, or makes you feel awkward I can delete it-” “NO!” Virgil’s‘scary voice’ seeps into his tone as he quickly snatches the phone from Thomas.

He blushesas he realizes what he’s done. We wipes the tears off his face with the handnot holding his phone tightly and looks up at Thomas who is smiling though helooks a bit in shock. “Sorry-just…no, I want the video. I was just a littleoverwhelmed. Thank you.” He gives his host the largest sincere smile he’s beenable to manage all day. “Anytime. And you know, if you ever feel the need tohear it from me directly just let me know, okay?” The blush on Virgil’s cheeksdarkens a bit as he replies a bit shakily. “O-okay.”

Thomasgrins blindingly at him, his eyes fond. “Is touching too much right now or isit okay for me to give you a hug?” Virgil thinks about it for a second, knowingThomas wouldn’t want him to push himself past his limits and wouldn’t takeoffense if he said no. But he feels okay enough for a hug, and maybe it wouldeven help. “I’d like a hug.” He admits; determinedly meeting Thomas’ eyes as hespeaks.

TheYouTuber’s already large smile grows even larger as he steps forward. He slowlywraps his arms around Virgil, giving the anxious trait plenty of time to pullaway if he changes his mind. After a good minute or two, Thomas’ arms are fullwrapped around him and he takes a minute before he begins to hug his host back.Thomas waits patiently and understandingly, letting Virgil embrace the hug inhis own time.

They standthere in silence for several minutes. Thomas is content to let the hug go on aslong as Virgil needs or wants, and Virgil knows that. He isn’t sure when he’sgoing to want to let go. The hug is a lot for him right now, but so comfortingat the same time. It doesn’t make everything all better, but just like thevideo, it seems to help. Another minute passes in silence before Virgil starts to speak. “Thomas?”Thomas shifts a bit as he goes to respond. “Yeah Verge?” Virgil hesitates for amoment before continuing. “You know I…you know that I…that I feel…I mean I…I…”Virgil begins to grow frustrated with himself. He knows it’s true. He knowsThomas won’t mind it or make fun of him for it. He knows the other deserves tohear it. Yet for some reason, he just can’t get the actual words out. LuckilyThomas seems to understand, and starts to rub circles into his backcomfortingly, edging Virgil’s frustration away. “It’s okay Verge, I alreadyknow. And I’m perfectly fine with waiting to actually hear it. I know you’llsay it when you’re ready.” Virgil relaxes again in Thomas’ arms, squeezing hisincredible host just a bit tighter as the man whispers something more in hisear. “For now it can just be an understood thing.”

I’m pretty sure @organizeddiscord won’t mind me tagging her for this fic, not sure about anyone else.

#thvi #thomas/virgil #well honestly it's more platonic thvi than shippy #but whatever #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides #Ask #Fic #Anon

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stressedasalways · 5 years

Text

Not Like The Movies (8/8)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Story Summary: Today was just a bad day. The simple mission had gone south. What started as an easy data extraction ended with you clutching your side trying not to bleed out. And who should come to your rescue but the reclusive Avenger himself.

Story Warning(s): swearing, mentions of blood. All the Fluff

Chapter Warning : Some angst but with fluff as a reward!

Words: 5.8K

A/N - OMG it’s over! :-( Thank you as always - full A/N at end of chapter.

AO3 Link

Tumblr Links: Masterlist Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

You stayed in the comfort of each other for hours until both of your stomachs made it very much known that subsistence was needed.

“We need food.” you whined.

“But I don’t want to move.” he sighed contently.

“You don’t have to move, you take a nap, I’ll get food.”

His eyes were already closing as he mumbled, “That sounds amazing.”

You gave him a quick peck on the lips as you detangled yourself from his body and got up, his body quickly getting more comfortable in the bed.

You were quick to throw on his hoodie that you had claimed as your own as you made your way to the main Avengers kitchen.

The common area and kitchen were ghostly quiet. Everyone was clearly exhausted after the mission. Since you had been spending so much time up here you knew where everything was and knew what was in stock. Homemade mac and cheese sounded like the perfect carb right now. It was simple, cheesy and if anyone did make their way to their kitchen there would be tons available.

Once it was in the oven cooking you were just finishing up cleaning up the small mess when you heard a fake cough come from behind you.

“Mr. Stark”, you tried your best to great him professionally.

“Agent L/N, and it’s Tony”

“Well Tony then its Y/N.”

He gave you a cocky smirk. He looked you up and down in your leggings and obviously Winter Soldier sized hoodie. “I see you have made yourself at home.” His tone felt like that of a father who knew a secret. You could sense you were not going to like this conversation.

“I’m making homemade mac and cheese. Should be ready within an hour, feel free to help yourself.”

“I was under the impression that you were incapable of cooking. Or at least that would be an educated guess from the amount of droned in food that was somehow paid for by yours truly.”

Dammit. This conversation had to be happening now when you had no one to help you out.

“Well at that time I was recovering, and your offer held no stipulations that I couldn't drone in food. So maybe you should take this as a learning experience Tony.” Your voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Ha! You are quite the little firecracker aren’t you. Honestly don’t worry about it.”

“I never said I was worried about it.” you retorted quickly.

Tony slapped the counter in exhilaration. “They said I would like you.”

“I seem to be quite the source of gossip among the superhero group.”

“I wouldn't sell yourself short there Y/N. I’ve seen your file, you’re one of the top techs we have here.”

“I am the top tech you have here.” you corrected with a smirk.

He raised his eyebrows obviously a fan of your confidence. “I’m assuming since you are still up here and now cooking Elsa is feeling more himself?”

Although the nickname was not appreciated you could tell there was some awe in his voice knowing your answer would be yes. “Yes, James is just sleeping, but I figured some food would be good. For everyone.”

He nodded, not surprised by your answer but still obviously shocked. He rubbed his hands together, “Should I make a salad then?”

As you continued to clean and Tony was chopping, Natasha and Clint soon emerged in the kitchen. You gave her a knowing look as she pretty much shot daggers at you.

“I hope you are making enough for the whole class.” Clint asked while spying on what was out.

“Well that all depends. Were you one of the ones betting on me for when I would discover the elevator gave me access?”

“Uhhhhhhh.” Clint looked around for backup but only found Tony laughing and Natasha looking away.

“Did she not tell you she won?” you tried not to laugh.

“‘Tasha?”

“Yeah ‘Tasha?” you mocked with her nickname she wouldn't let you use.

“Not a good idea to anger your training partner.”

“My gym buddy is back. So I don’t need you beating me up anymore.”

“He won’t spar with you. Too scared he’ll break you. I on the other hand know exactly how far to push to almost break you.” the threat very real in her voice.

You held up your hands in mock defeat. “Geez Na-tasha.” she rolled her eyes at you but gave a small smirk.

You weren’t sure how it happened. Maybe it was just the right time, or maybe the Avengers were just not used to real food being cooked. But one by one they all made their way to the kitchen ready to enjoy the meal.

Steve and James were the last to arrive and when you caught their eyes, Steve’s were beaming, practically screaming his thanks to you.

“If some of you want to set the table, it just needs to cool for maybe 10 minutes and we will be good to go.” you said to no one in particular. You then turned to Tony, “I know it's not exactly dinner time yet, but you must have some good red wine hidden away for such a meal?”

“Not just good, the best.” his tone mimicking the conversation you had earlier as he walked away to wherever it was hidden.

Different members of the team kept going past you, grabbing plates, utensils, wine glasses. Clint and Sam were pulling beers out of the fridge, so you were a little surprised when you felt arms come around your waist from behind. His head slouched to lean on your shoulder.

“I thought you went to get us some food, how did it turn into a family dinner?” he joked.

“I have no idea. It’s like none of you have seen a home cooked meal before.” you laughed.

“You’re amazing.”

“Don’t get all soft on me.”

“Fine, you’re ridiculous.” but he said it with even more emotion than ever before.

“I know.”

You momentarily forgot where you were as you leaned your head so he could give you a quick kiss.

“Hey now!” Sam interrupted from the table. “No smooching over the food. Some of us want to eat that without your germs all over it.”

You felt James let go and knew he was probably giving the table a dirty glare, but when you sheepishly glanced over at the group all you could see was them giving you ridiculously goofy looks.

“I’m the one feeding you. You take what you can get!” you screamed back as you went to grab a towel to help you move the dish to the group.

No sooner did you settle at the table when F.R.I.D.A.Y interrupted.

“Sorry to intrude but Agent L/N is needed urgently by Agent Peele.”

You immediately felt for your pockets and realized your phone was still in the bedroom. “Shit.” you whispered as you started to get up.

“I think we can tell Agent Peele it can wait -” Tony started.

F.R.I.D.A.Y cut him off ,“I’m sorry Mr. Stark but I must reiterate that Agent L/N is needed.”

You could see Tony was a bit shocked, but you gave him a look of thanks as you got up to run to the bedroom.

You could make out the beeping even from the living room. “Shit, shit, shit.”

You did a quick glance as you made your way quickly back to the common room. It appeared the Avengers mission had brought back a lot of possible intel. But it was behind very complicated security systems so the whole team was needed stat.

You barely glanced back at the group as you quickly replied to Agent Peele, letting him know you just needed to change clothes and you would be there soon.

James caught up to you as you just got close to the elevator.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course. You guys did your superhero thing and now it's time for the nerds to shine.” you gave him a goofy smile.

“You’ve barely slept.” He was right, since your unwanted wake up call at 4am you had pretty much been awake, minus a few quick cat naps. Even though it was now closer to the end of the work day you both knew Shield had no real hours. If there was a job the team would be working non stop.

“No rest for the wicked.” He gave you a broken smile in return, probably feeling unneeded guilt. “I’d say save me some but I don’t think there will be any.” you gave a small laugh as you could hear the rest of the groups forks and knives hitting their plates., “Just make sure you eat my portion too. At least I will feel a bit better considering it was always for you anyway.”

He squeezed your hand as you turned closer to the elevator. It was clear there was so much more he wanted to say, neither of you had expected your time together to come to such an abrupt end.

As the elevator opened you gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Rest up okay, I’ll probably be working all night so don’t wait up.”

You were quick to hurry to your own room and throw on some appropriate clothes. You chose some of your looser pants and a plain black sweater, ready for the inevitable all nighter.

When you got to your office area everyone was locked in on their screens. Some were working in small groups, others had headphones on and were clearly in their own personal zones.

Ugh, you should have grabbed the largest strongest coffee Starks drink machine could have made. You had to settle for office crap before you too plugged yourself in ready for a long night.

-------******************---------------

You looked at the clock and groaned. It was close to 3am and your eyes and mind were truly feeling almost being awake for a full 24 hours. Some of the team took naps at their desks, others on the floor, a few lucky ones grabbed the couches. Some would risk going back to their own rooms for a few solid hours, but most of you knew all too well how hard it was to leave your own bed.

The files were encrypted on top of encryption with red herrings and programs designed to delete data if they were accessed the wrong way. If you were lucky enough to break through you then had to go almost line by line breaking it down further. So far some dates and locations had come to light which was enough to keep everyone going a few hours longer than you should have. It had been a very long time since you had been given the opportunity to potentially get Hydra information and everyone was hoping they would be the ones to find something useful.

Just as you were about to go for another coffee or possibly collapse on the floor, something jumped out on your screen. Those looked like co-ordinates. You were quick to call over to one of the analysts that was awake.

Within twenty minutes the screens around the room were showing surveillance. It was small, but it was clear there was some military personnel at the small unassuming warehouse your coordinates had pulled up. This was the confirmation the whole team needed to prove there was real intel buried in here. You just all needed to find it.

A few times you had fallen asleep for quick cat naps on your desk but finally at 11am your mind decided it had had fucking enough. Your vision was starting to blur and bright surfaces were haloing in your vision. Here comes a migraine. Fuck.

It’s not as if it wasn’t a surprise. No sleep, shit tons of caffeine and chocolate bars do not make for a healthy human.

Agent Hamilton was the closest agent to you that was conscious. “I’m going to crash for a few hours, I’m starting to get a migraine.” He nodded with sympathy. “Override my notifications if anything big gets discovered.”

You quickly logged out placing a notice on your phone alerts that you were just needing to sleep off a headache. The downfall of living where you work. You may be able to take breaks when you need them, but especially with a project this big everyone was expected to push themselves to the limit.

You were quick to get back to your suite telling F.R.I.D.A.Y to enact your headache protocol. She immediately began to close all the blinds and turn off all unnecessary lights. You could already smell the lavender oil turning on with your diffuser. You took a deep breath hoping it could work a miracle. You kept your eyes partially closed as you found your Advil and quickly popped four. The stomachache would be worth it if it lessened the migraine.

You set your watch to vibrate in a few hours before getting a wash cloth damp with cool water to place over your eyes.

You didn’t even attempt to remove any of your clothes as you laid on top of your covers, hoping you managed to catch it before it got any worse.

---------------------************************----------------------------

You woke up with a start with only one thing taking over all your senses.

Your head was in excruciating pain. - and you were going to throw up.

You tried your best to keep you eyes closed as you stumbled your way into the bathroom. You managed to get there by feel alone as the remnants of your coffee and chocolate bars violently left your stomach. You were holding on to your head with both hands as it felt as if your brain was two seconds away from also leaving your body.

Just as you laid your head on the cool bathroom floor you heard him.

“Jesus doll, are you okay?”

You knew he was likely whispering, but as far as your head was concerned he was screaming. All you could manage was a quick shake of your head to tell him ‘no’, absolutely mortified. You couldn't imagine what you looked like right now, but the pain was quick to remind you that at this very moment, you really didn’t care.

Although time had no meaning he must have quietly left the bathroom and come back as you felt him gently peel your arm away from your eyes and replace it with a newly damp cloth. He was smart enough to know that flushing the toilet would be a bomb to you, so he very gently closed it. You felt him place a blanket on you, but you were honestly unsure if your shivering was due to the cold or just the blinding pain.

You felt him open your hand and put a water bottle in it, you mouthed ‘advil’ and immediately felt him place a pill in your other hand. He helped you sit up to take a few sips as well as the pill, then pulled your back into his chest so you were leaning into him. He put his right hand over your eyes holding the cloth, his hand large enough that his thumb and fingers were able to place slight pressure on your temples.

You focused on the warmth of his body, the relieving pressure his fingers were providing and the slight sway you rocked to as your body once again let you give in to sleep.

The next time you woke you were still in the same position, he was now the one doing the swaying though, so he immediately stopped when he felt you slightly tense. Although you knew you were still weak, and definitely still had a headache you needed to sleep off, you knew you had passed the worst of it as long as you took care of yourself.

You grabbed his hand over your eyes and cloth, giving a slight tug for him to move it away. As you slowly removed the cloth your skin and eyes were slightly overwhelmed with the feeling of air on them, but no nausea followed it. You kept your eyes closed, knowing it wasn’t smart to open them just yet.

“I’m a bit better.” your voice was low and horse.

“Let’s move you to the bed.”

With no effort at all he was standing up and helping you up. Easily picking you up and carrying you to the bedroom. Once you were settled and felt him pull the blankets up you, you finally slowly opened your eyes. It took awhile for the focus to come back and of course the room was still very dark.

He was tucked down on your side of the bed with his arms and face curled only a few inches from your own face. He gave you a tentative smile.

“I’m so sorry.” you started.

“What could you possibly be apologizing for?”

“You had a rough night this is the last thing -”

He immediately cut you off, his voice still a whisper but now a bit more stern. “We both had a rough night. The only difference being you helped me with mine already so now I’m helping you with yours. Plus I know I got a hell of a lot more sleep and food in me than you have.”

You smiled at him. Although you wanted nothing more than to keep looking into those gorgeous eyes, you closed your own not wanting to risk it. “Did I get any alerts on my phone?”

“That’s not important.”

“It is important, please let me know or I’m just going to check myself anyway.”

You heard him sigh in defeat while he went to grab your phone. “Ummm. It says headache protocol - no urgent alerts?”

“Good, that means no one found anything worthy of me needing to see it now.” Knowing you were still okay to sleep made you feel better immensely. “I’m going to sleep a bit more. You don’t have to stay.”

He answered you by walking over to the other side of your bed and crawling in. As you curled into each other you grabbed his hand pulling it under your chin.

“Or this is better?” he asked

“So much better.” you sighed in contentment and could swear you could feel his smile into your neck.

------------------************************------------------------

The next few days were spent working to the limit, trying your best to eat food semi healthy and taking full napping breaks - usually somewhere on the Avengers floor so James knew you were at the very least alive.

At this point the team had found you passed out on the kitchen counter, in the common room couch, and when you were feeling like you had a bit of extra time and not about to completely collapse you would make it to Steve and James’ living room.

You didn’t even acknowledge Steve as he sat on the couch reading something. You just laid down on the opposite side shifting your feet so they were against his leg, stealing his warmth.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the visits, but you do have a bed do you not?”

“Can’t go to a bed. Will sleep too deeply. Naps only.” You heard Steve click his tongue. Clearly upset. “Are you telling me you guys are well rested and fully functioning humans when your out on missions?”

“Well no.”

“Well this is my mission Steve. We may not leave the compound but we put in the work.”

“I guess, I just worry.”

“Thanks Cap.” you mocked pushing your face into the cushion.

“How long has she been out?” you caught James voice on the edge of your consciousness.

“Maybe an hour -” Steve started when you interrupted groggily.

“-not nearly long enough.” You kept your eyes closed, not yet fully willing to give up the idea that you could get some more sleep. You could hear both of boys chuckle as you felt James move a stray strand of hair off your face. You re-adjusted your feet against Steve and tried not to snicker as he gasped.

“How are your feet always so cold?”

You smiled in response. Just as you began the internal debate of pushing back into sleep, or waking up to talk to the boys your phone beeped loudly. You jumped up feeling your pockets trying to find it, blinking rapidly trying to wake yourself up instantaneously.

You read the message three times before allowing yourself to believe it. Agent Peele was calling off the twenty-four hour work days. Enough data was known that the analysts were working with what they had and the rest of the data would be split into proper projects.

You began to mockingly cry, “I’m free!”

You fell back on the couch sitting beside Steve, James was quick to sit on your other side as you tucked yourself into him.

“They are finally going to stop working you to the bone?”

“For now yes, they found enough to move forward.” And then the sense of relief was soon filled with dread. “Wait, does this mean you guys are going to be off on a mission?”

You looked to James who looked to Steve, so you turned your sad eyes to him as well.

“Umm, well, ugh.” Steve clearly had no idea how to answer. Being the Captain you were sure he was completely up to date in all the goings on of the compound. But you didn't have the clearance to know most of that information. Even downstairs as intel was brought forward everyone was shifted to new work as they discovered more information so you never really had a full story.

James sighed and answered for him, “At some point yes. But this one will be well planned out, and its not there yet.” You exhaled deeply, feeling like you could enjoy the feeling of your freetime again. “Should we get you to bed? Have a proper nap?”

You shook your head. “Let’s go for a walk.”

The fresh air felt amazing. You could feel it healing your tired body already. James had grabbed your hand once you were far enough away from the compound from prying eyes.

As if on cue the clouds moved and the last remainder of the late afternoon sun beamed down. You spread your arms open and closed your eyes, letting it soak right through you.

“I missed you sun.” you sighed contently.

You felt James tug on your hand, “And what about me?”

You turned to him allowing him to pull you close as your arms draped over his shoulders. “Well of course I missed you...it goes sleep, food, sun, sleep again…” you hummed in fake deep thought as his face squished up, “Stark’s drink machine and then you.”

“I’d pretend to be offended but we both always knew the drink machine came first.”

“The heart wants what the heart wants.” you smirked before his lips crashed on yours.

“My heart wants you.” He whispered between fevered kisses.

Once you made it back to his common room - thankfully Steve was training - the make out session turned a bit more serious.

“Do you believe in destiny?” he asked as you were curled into his side on the couch.

“As in fate and no free will?”

“Maybe? Or no matter what your choices somehow certain things would always happen?” His voice was low, and you could only imagine the thoughts he must have with his past.

“I dunno. I mean what work did the cosmos have to do to bring us together? That alone almost seems impossible.” you were unsure how to answer a question with so many hidden levels within it. James hummed and you knew you had to give him more. You wanted to give him more., “I think I’ve always leaned more to the multiple universe type thing. Where certain things even though they seem unlikely to happen, somehow find a way - again and again. Not always though, but it tries. Like somewhere there is some chubby cherub -”

“-some chubby cherub?”, he smiled and you felt better immediately.

“Yes. And his job is to make things happen. Just nudge things in the right direction. One day our file pops up on his desk, and he knows he has a challenge on his wings cause we are born a literal lifetime apart. But he keeps working the problem trying to figure it out. His methods aren’t always pretty, and we’d both be lying if we said we agreed with all his choices. But he does it, after who knows how many tries and paths, he gets us in the same year. Hell, he even gets us working for the same company and in the same building.”

“Except for well over a year we never speak a word to each other.” James laughs but you can sense his thinking about missed time and opportunities.

You roll your eyes at him, “So he’s so close this time, but we are both on separate paths. So then he just decided fuck it and has me get shot just to make it happen.”

He chuckles at your story. But you can see some sadness in his eyes. The past always just lurking.

So you continue, “Sometimes even though I’m not sure I believe it, I just like to think when something bad happens it's for a reason. Maybe not for me or now, or even this lifetime. But somewhere else me going through this thing is helping set the path for another version. I wish you never went through the path you had to go through James. I can’t even fully put into words how much I wish I could take it all away from you.”

“But all of that. That entire path. It led me here, to now, to you. I wish I didn’t have to go through it either, but I am really happy where the path has led me.”

“I love you James.” you immediately covered your mouth. Oh. My. God. You had not just said that out-loud. “Shit, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to say that-”

“So you don’t love me?”, your brain so mortified you didn’t sense his teasing.

“No, of course I do! Wait. But.” your mind was racing and your mouth was literally spitting out verbal diarrhea as you finally saw his smirk.

He grabbed your face in his hands, “I love you too.”

“You couldn’t have said that twenty seconds ago?” you laughed before the words fully hit you.

You found your body straddling his on the couch, “Is that's an official official I love you?” you laughed.

“Well I have no idea how to make it official official. Not sure how to add that to our list.” his eyes were beaming.

“Well it’s been on my list since pretty much the day you walked into the warehouse. Although it was that same fantasy list where I win the lottery too.”

“You loving me was on the same list as me seeing pigs fly.”

“Ha! You know I could probably get Stark to do that.” you laughed before kissing him.

In between kisses he broke out the words, “Well, for you he probably would.”

You loved James, and you loved the way your everything with him was. How something that could have been serious was instead filled with joy, laughter and mocking.

You ground your hips into his, eliciting a moan from both of you. James tried to break from your kiss, but you pulled him in closer gripping the hair closest to his neck.

“What are you doing?” he whispered breathlessly when you finally moved to kissing down his jawline.

“Making it official official.”

He groaned as he kissed down your neck, his hands roaming up and down your back. With each pass your hoodie and shirt would ride just slightly higher up giving him more access to skin on skin contact.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.” No sooner was the fourth syllable out from your lips you felt your body rise as he stood up, your legs already locked around his waist. You giggled into his neck as you felt him begin to walk or rather speed walk to his bedroom.

As you crossed the threshold he turned to close the door but misjudged with your body on his and your shoulder lightly bumped the door frame. “Ow.” you laughed but soon found your lips back in his.

“Shit” - A kiss -“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you panted, “I have another one” You felt him smile against your lips.

You were a mess of tangled body parts as his legs hit the bed, although you both wished you were more graceful you automatically pushed forward causing him to lose his footing and fall back on the bed, taking you with him. His head hitting the TV remote that had been left.

You sat up on his thighs, “Oh my god are you okay.”

He rubbed the back of his head more in shock than any pain. He nodded ‘yes’ as he pulled you back down to his lips. The movement of leaning down must have caused your phone in your hoodie pocket to shift and you felt James jump as it dug into his stomach. He naturally pushed you off him slightly and rubbed his stomach while you felt in your pocket. “Shit.” you grabbed the phone and threw it off the bed. As you looked down to James he was trying to hold back his laughter.

“We’re a mess.”

“No, no, we are going to get this right.” You unzipped the large hoodie, balling it up and slamming it to the floor with unneeded flair. You quickly pulled off your shirt so were left in your bra and immediately moved your hands to the hem of his shirt and tugged up. He was only too eager to sit up enough to pull it off in one solid motion before laying back down and fully appreciating the sight before him.

“You’re beautiful.” he sighed, and as you looked into those gorgeous steel blue eyes all your insecurities melted away. You believed him with every cell of your body. His one hand was rubbing slowly over your scars from the bullet wound. Now just small raised pink lines. You unhooked your bra feeling brave with his words and gave him a wicked smile.

He returned it as his arms snaked behind your neck pulling you down to his ravenous lips. His skin against your chest felt like heaven and you had never felt more whole as you pushed yourself closer. His hands began to trail down your sides and you gave a slight giggle as it tickled, but the giggle was soon caught in your throat as he managed to grab your hips, flipping you both so he was now hovering over you.

He kissed down your body starting at your neck and slowly going down your breasts. His hands took turns massaging them as he slowly took the trail of his lips down to your naval. His lips quickly detoured to your left side, kissing the scars.

You bit your lip to hold back a moan as you felt him sit on his knees between your legs. His delicate fingers finding the waist of your pants and quickly undoing them. You did your best to assist him as he got your pants off, but then noticed he stilled.

As you moved your focus from his amazingly sculpted chest to his face you saw he was looking down at your underwear. You panicked for a split second wondering what he could be looking at when you looked down and saw you were wearing your pair that had a unicorn on them.

“What? You never see unicorn panties before?”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I know.” you sighed as you pulled him back down needing to feel his body on yours again.

Your kisses became more desperate, no longer enough to satisfy. You locked your legs around his hips, feeling the rough material of his pants hitting your sensitive spots.

“Condom.” you managed to squeak out.

James pulled away and you could see his face go blank.

“No, no you must have one.” his face just dropped even more. “Okay, well then Steve must have some.”

“Umm I am not asking Steve.”

“James.” you whined, desperate for this to move further. “He’s not up here, just go look in his room”

“I will not, he likely doesn't have any, and if he does that's just more questions.” You pushed your head back into the pillow. You knew him asking anyone else was entirely out of the question.

You began to sit up and although he let you, you could see his lust blown eyes were desperate for this not to be the end. You pulled him into a quick kiss before sliding off the bed searching for your dropped phone.

He watched you intently as your crawled on your hands and knees in only your panties.

“If mister super soldier wants to help me find my phone that would be awesome.”

He immediately pointed to it a few feet from where you were. You sat up on your legs quickly typing the message out as well as quickly changing some permissions with F.R.I.D.A.Y.

It took only a minute before your phone beeped and you got the confirmation you needed.

“This will be another you owe me big time.”

James eyebrows raised not really sure what you meant as his head snapped to the door. Someone was walking towards it. Before he could decide how to react you were walking to the door still fully exposed just as something slid under it, and then another, and then another.

You picked up the three condoms Natasha had slipped under the door and held them up. Just as your phone beeped again alerting she had left their suite entirely and once again no longer had access.

“She’s going to make us pay for these dearly.” you smirked.

“I will gladly pay whatever price. Now get that gorgeous unicorn butt over here!”

You quickly jumped back into the bed. “Now, where were we?”

You both laid in each others arms fully sated and content, enjoying the afterglow. “You still not tired?” You could tell he was concerned.

But honestly you had never felt more awake in your entire life. “I’m just thinking.”

“About what?”

“How now would be a perfect time to finally do number two on our list.” you smirked as you looked up at him.

“Well you did get shot.”

“I did.”

“And I did promise.”

“You did.”

‘Well let’s get the jacuzzi going then.” he smiled as he kissed the top of your head before you sat up pulling him with you.

You were right. It had been the perfect size for two, and there was nothing better than taking advantage of Bucky Barnes and his jacuzzi.

A/N -So we made it to the end! Can you believe? I had so much fun writing this world and can not thank you all enough for your love and support.

I am working on the sequel but no ETA yet.

So my original plan was to do smut here. I've never done it and wanted to challenge myself. But OMG is it HARD (pun pun pun) But yeah, super duper kudos to those that write it, it's truly an art form. So instead I gave you the more realistic not romantic at all version - which kinda worked out better anyway lol

Leave me your comments and kudos - it keeps me going (it really truly does)

Tags: @waaaaaaitwhat @i-think-i-am-adorable@quierdoofthestars@moli1497 @ohhhotstan @dani11708@emabookcookie @fairislesheets @bucky-to-my-barnes @waves-and-sunflowers

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes au #my writing

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