#gross fuck you if you expect me to tw my fucking self but also. like i get it. i get not everyones cool with ghosts

[myriadsystem]

Any systems out there that have maybe advice or anecdotes about non-corporeal alters, please if you feel comfortable sharing im in a tight spot and could use guidance:

So, I am a ghost. When we were little our hosts had always been human, during our teen years i co-hosted with a human. During our late teens/early 20s i was considered less of a co-host and more of just only being out when we interacted with our abuser, and the human co-host became the only host for a while. Since then that human is no longer host and isnt able to be considered co-host anymore (atleast not for the forseeable future until we get therapy and can unpack some stuff for her) and the role of host falls solely on me. The ghosty hostess with the mostess 😎

So basically tl;dr the first part, ive been in the body fairly often before but its only the last few months i have been here all the time with 'just me' (obv not including random switches/lurking but like i mean in a sense of the body primarily belonging only to me without a break.)

The body deals with a l o t of chronic pain.

Basically i had some thoughts recently where i couldnt tell if i could feel the body pains more these days just because i dont have a co-host/have someone to take it from me when its overwhelming, or because im becoming more connected with the idea of having physicality? Or the pain is just worse/increased because whatever is causing the pain hasnt been medically adressed and my condition has decreased. I have recently stopped taking my uh, 🍀 medication due to financial reasons and since not having it the body just feels worse and worse every day, i honestly didnt realise just how much it was doing for me in regards to just like. Allowing me to go for a tiny 10min slow paced walk without wishing to scream and howl in pain with every step. To let me function, essentially, on a physical pain management scale.

The last two ideas stress me out. I still feel like a ghost, not to get too personal but my ghost form wasnt formed out of a near death experience it was out of a need to have certain words and events 'go through me,' and a deep connected sense of lonelyness and abandonment like those things and people and places who are gone and forgotten. And i carry much trauma related to those feelings which i will not be going into detail about here. But the thought that i have been in this body so long by myself, and have over the last few years found friends and connections to other physical people i want to be around, couldve caused/be causing me to slowly become less ghost and more physically real? That scares and worries me. I still very much feel like i need to be ghost to stop us getting hurt in that way. I worry if i become corporeal, it will be easy for other people to hurt us in that same way again. I worry if i am corporeal that i will have to deal with the bodys physical pains much more intensely than i already do if i am so connected to it, and that i cannot do what i do best to allow painful things to pass through me. Like im made of nothing but smoke because i essentially am. Thats my entire reason for being. I worry if this is the case and im becoming a more physical embodiment of my former self that its out of my control and i dont get a choice. Because i would chose to stay ghost if i could.

The other option is also scary. The body is only 24 years old dude. It shouldnt hurt this much all the time over comparatively small tasks. Or no tasks. It shouldnt hurt this much just to be 'alive'. And if it is because the condition has progressed since the last time i was aware of the body for real and ive gotten worse? Thats almost too much to think about. How quickly is it progressing? Why cant i do anything to stop it? Why wont doctors do anything to stop it, or atleast identify it so i can work on managing it myself? Ive only ever split once (personally i mean not as a system) and the poor entity is full of medical trauma. It makes it so hard to keep going to doctors to keep begging them to take me seriously when they never do. Its so much pain and effort (let alone money) and exhaustion just to get to a doctor. Not even a specialist just a gp. Only for them to tell me every time that i brush my hair and dress nicely and usually wear makeup and i couldn't possibly be struggling in any way, especially physically. Its too much effort, more effort than its worth for that. So i dont really go to a doctor any more, but i need to, i need just one of them to take me fucking seriously. Because i have no good way of knowing if this pain seems so new and intense to me because im more 'real' (physical) than i ever was, or because there is more pain.

Both options suck

So yeah idk any ghostly entities or fluid/non-corporeal/shadow type alters, do you have advice how to tell if you might be becoming physical? Or those of you who used to be floaty who did transition into a more 'sturdy' being, what did it feel like? When did you know you werent the concept of see-through anymore? Do you prefer not having a graspable form? How has this change benefited your sys?

Idk i have a lot of questions just any sort of advice might be helpful here bc im having a rough time lately managing physical body pain in relation to the literal reason i exist and if i still exist like that.

#thats so fkn long im so sorry i so rarely post actual longform stuff on here but ive been thinking about lots lately #plus this is my blog i get to talk about my stuff here. this is my blog i have to keep reminding myself the social rules ive built myself #do not have to apply here. i can be a nuisance on my own damn blog if i wish #im also sorry idk how to do a readmore tho #i tried. i do not know if it will work its the first one ive done and i am on mobile app so im just reslly sorry if it doesnt work #and you get this huge text wall comin at ya #thats a lot of personal stuff i fe a bit weord abt posting so much private stuff openly but i needed to get these thoughts out #in a way where i can maybe get advice without judgement and not just a one sided journaling entry #personal #did #osdd #tw: death mention #tw: abuse mention #tw: drug mention #endos dni #tw: split mention #? idk what to tag as trigger warnings theres a lot of heavy implied stuff here but no actual real details i think #tw: ghosts #gross fuck you if you expect me to tw my fucking self but also. like i get it. i get not everyones cool with ghosts #bc theyre so often linked with deathy concepts #tw: trauma #tw: trauma mention #again not specifically with detail but i just dont wanna upset unprepared folks #next question for myself. if i click dont allow reblogs can people still reply? we will find tf out i suppose #if youre 'endo' you will be immediately blocked upon my finding this out or if youre just a dick about this post or my situation in general #im in a bad place. i have zero fucking tolerance for any kind of hate or even criticism right now. friendly discussions please only #im happy for you to share your stories if you think it relates or you might have insight into my situation #and im asking for advice so unless its very obviously unsolicited or unapplicable to situations like this(airy alters becoming less airy) #please feel free to share whatever you think might help or work within context #system

[whumpshaped]

first

idk what to say this got entirely out of hand. i just spent last night and this morning typing this out on my phone in a daze, trying to get to a point where i could finally cut it off

tw needles, stitches, fear of friend dying, just a high stress situation altogether

Surprisingly, Caretaker proved to be very good at pushing personal differences aside for Whumpee's sake, even taking some orders from Whumper without snarky remarks.

"Maybe we should stay friends," Whumper said casually. "We make a pretty good team. At least when you're quiet."

Caretaker could swear they felt their eye twitch. "Imagine how good of a team we'd make if both of us were quiet."

"You're right. I also feel like we've gotten close enough to understand each other without words."

"Could you shut the fuck up?" they snapped, before immediately taking a deep, calming breath, directing their eyes back to the wound. "We both want them alive, right? So let me focus."

"I don't know. I'm starting to think I don't care that much about them."

Caretaker's eyes snapped to Whumper again, despite them desperately trying to work out the suture situation. "I will fucking kill you if you don't stop fucking around. I swear. And if Whumpee dies, I'll also kill you. You will not leave this stupid place alive unless Whumpee is okay."

"Don't threaten me with a good time," they said with a self-assured smile. "I'm just saying-"

"Don't. Don't say anything."

If sewing their best friend back together wasn't stressful enough, Caretaker could feel Whumper's gaze on them the entire time. Obviously, they must've been joking. And obviously, this was just another attempt to get on their nerves. But they were almost done, and Whumpee was almost stable.

"It's admirable, the way you handled this," Whumper remarked once the stitches were all in place and they could catch their breath. "I wonder how many people would let their friend die just out of spite. On principle. Because they wouldn't take orders from me, wouldn't trust me-"

"Just two minutes. Can I just have two minutes in peace?" Caretaker buried their face in their hands, feeling like they were about to cry. The anxiety and adrenaline was catching up to them. "You're seriously starting to sound like you're flirting with me or something. It's gross. Shut up. Leave us alone."

Caretaker didn't look up, hoping that if they didn't acknowledge Whumper, they'd just disappear. And it worked. No more comments, not for several minutes. They could almost imagine it was just the two of them again, them and Whumpee. And when the silence was finally broken, it was in a way they'd never expected.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I talk when I'm nervous."

They scoffed, raising their head to look at Whumper- only to find that they really did look pretty spent. "Wait, are you serious? What the fuck were you nervous about?"

"I told you, I wanted them alive. Throughout this whole ordeal, I had no idea if we could actually pull it off. I was fucking nervous the whole time."

"And our legendary duel is still yet to come."

"Oh, no, god no." They put up both hands in a lighthearted gesture of surrender. "I'm done. This was enough excitement for today. You actually complied with me to save them, I guess that's like... proof of your golden heart and whatever, and the power of friendship, and I was actually just testing you all along, and... whatever else your fairy godmother would say."

"So you're just... letting us leave?"

"Yeah. I'm done. I'm exhausted. You promise you won't try to press charges, I promise I won't come after you."

"What?" Caretaker wanted to argue. Of course they were going to press charges. But right now... Whumper didn't have to know that. "I mean- that's... kinda scummy, but... yeah, sure, fine."

Whumper nodded. They didn't even question their answer. Instead, they vaguely gestured towards where they sat. "Can I sit with you? The rocks are digging into my ass, and it's really uncomfortable."

"If you stay quiet."

They pretended to zip up their mouth, scooting over to take the rockless space next to Caretaker in complete silence.

Caretaker had no idea what to think at this point. The stress of the rescue, the gunshot, being found... being on high alert the entire time, while also being laserfocused on saving Whumpee's life... having to work together with the fucker who caused all of it... They were tired. And as much as they hated to admit, the experience sort of... humanised Whumper in their mind. This guy wasn't a vicious torturer. They were a disturbed idiot, apparently more than capable of some stage-fright, who was still willing to threaten them into somehow giving expert first aid.

Right now, Whumper was just resting like anyone else would be after a huge operation. It must've been the exhaustion, but for a brief moment, Caretaker thought they really could've been friends. In another life. One in which they didn't kidnap Whumpee.

"Stop staring. It makes me nervous. And if I get nervous, I'll just start blabbering, and you don't want-"

"Fine, jeez. Go to therapy, sort out your weird anxiety. And the other stuff."

This too, this weird banter. It was too human. Since when did they feel comfortable enough to say shit like that to Whumper? An hour ago they had been terrified. And why wasn't Whumper retaliating?

More minutes passed in silence, with Caretaker constantly checking whether Whumpee was awake yet. Whumper didn't want to leave until they saw that Whumpee really was okay, and Caretaker wouldn't have let them anyway. 'You will not leave this stupid place alive unless Whumpee is okay.' That was what they'd said, and they meant it.

"Why aren't they waking up?" Caretaker asked impatiently. "It's been a while already."

Whumper turned around to see Whumpee in the same position they'd left them in. "Touch the wound for me."

"What?"

"Either you touch it or I do. See if it's a little too warm."

Caretaker didn't have the energy to argue. Besides, Whumper didn't seem like they were joking, and if possible, Caretaker would've like to avoid them touching Whumpee any more than necessary. They crawled a little closer, gently placing a hand on top of the skin around the wound. "It's pretty warm."

"See if they have a fever."

Caretaker moved their hand to Whumpee's forehead and cheeks, grimacing at the unnatural warmth. "Fuck. Fuck. Of course it'd get infected! Why did we even do this outside?"

"Where else? Did you want to do it in my house?"

"No! We should've called an ambulance! You should've let me call one!" They turned around, their rage completely reignited.

"I'm not letting you call others onto my property," Whumper said calmly. Of course. How could they forget, for even a moment? Whumper was still a fucking monster. "We can bring them inside, clean the wound again, and give them some medicine." When Caretaker opened their mouth to argue, they added, "That's the final offer."

"I thought we were a team now. Friends. Whatever the fuck." They hated how the desperation came through in their voice, despite all their efforts to hide it.

"That's why I'm offering to help treat them in my home. And also because I can't just drag them there alone. Again, it's... a two-men job."

Caretaker took less time to think about accepting this way riskier type of help than the first time, when it was just treating a gunshot wound and some other injuries out in the open. Was Whumper getting in their head? Subtly conditioning them to trust their stupid suggestions? They didn't have time to analyse their behaviour. Or did they? Maybe it wasn't even as urgent as Whumper was making it seem. No, that was dumb, of course an infection was urgent. God, they needed rest, they needed their brain to be working.

"Fine, okay, just- just don't let them die. I can't watch them die. I just got them back-"

"Whether they live or die is entirely dependent on you. I'm giving you all the help I can, actually."

Caretaker groaned in frustration. "Don't phrase it like that. Like I just need to accept all this graciously offered, professional help. I don't even know if the infection was caused by an earnest mistake or you. Maybe you want to lure me inside! Maybe-"

"Caretaker." Whumper's stern voice made them stop mid-conspiracy. "The sooner we catch the infection, the better. Come on."

While they were bringing Whumpee back into their personal house of horrors, Caretaker couldn't help but feel extremely uneasy. This felt like a mistake, on every level. And why was Whumper scolding them like they were nothing but a petulant child? Their concerns were entirely valid! Reasonable!

They wanted to fucking explode. This entire day was a mindfuck, and they just didn't have the mental energy to stay on top of everything all the time. They desperately needed someone to lean on, someone to trust... and Whumper seemed to be changing up their stupid personality to fit whatever Caretaker wanted at the time, making it way too easy to give in and just blindly trust their help, even if that went against every single rational thought in their head.

Manipulating them.

Caretaker rubbed their eyes, trying to focus on cleaning the wound again, this time with better equipment, in a more sterile environment. They just had to stay vigilant.

Quite vigilant of you to accept this offer, and come into the lion's den of your own accord. And bring Whumpee, injured, unconscious, and defenceless.

They couldn't beat themself up for it now. They had to focus. They'd beat themself up for it later.

"Not that it counts from me," Whumper's voice startled them, and they almost dropped the cotton pad, "but we both have limited options here. It's quite the shitshow, and I don't think either of us are very happy with the set-up."

"Okay, Mother Teresa."

"Oh, shut up. I just hate to watch you work with that stupid, kicked puppy face. I'm just telling you to save the fucking self-loathing for later. You're clearly trying your best to help them."

Vigilant. They had to stay vigilant. They couldn't let the fucking enemy's aggressive positive feedback fill their heart with warmth and security. They couldn't. It didn't even make them want to smile, not even a little. Their perpetual scowl was very well protected from such attacks.

God, what was wrong with them?

They looked at Whumpee's blissfully unconscious face, wondering if this entire thing would mean the end of their friendship. But there was no one else around to help... Their friendship would've ended with Whumpee's death too. At least now there was a chance...

"See, that's why I said what I said. But now you're crying anyway, so really, what was the point," Whumper grumbled.

"Yeah, well, maybe try having feelings sometime, see how you get on," they shot back, petty insult made even more pathetic by their sniffling. "Just leave me alone. I'm tired of your stupid act. I can finish this alone."

"Yeah. But I won't let you." Whumper pulled out one of the kitchen chairs, taking a seat across from where Caretaker stood. "It's not like I don't trust you... it's just, you know... I don't trust you."

"I trusted you this whole fucking time, despite you causing all of this!"

"Trusted me enough to leave me alone with Whumpee?"

Caretaker had to hold themself back from punching the nearest wall. "No! No. No, obviously not. Fuck you. Fuck you."

"You should start thinking about what your plan is for the night, because you clearly need some sleep." Whumper tilted their head to the side. "Unless you plan on taking this to the next level, and keeping watch in turns."

Tears of genuine sorrow and heartbreak were mixing with helpless anger as Caretaker thought more and more about the situation they'd ended up in. They finished changing the bandages, placing a damp cloth on Whumpee's forehead to help bring down their fever, then pulled out another chair to sit. They wiped the tears away, trying their best to look less like a complete mess on the brink of another meltdown.

"I've stayed up for longer just to finish videogames," they said as casually as they could manage. "I can stay up for something actually important."

Whumper grinned, clearly expecting them to pass out within the next hour. "Suit yourself."

~

@ashh-ed @whumpsday @whump-queen @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @rosewriteswhump

#whump #whump writing #failed escape #recovery #emotional whump #psychological whump #fear of death #stitches #needles

[wastemanjohn]

Happy DFF China! Your post inspired me — let’s hear about Sam/Dean/John. Do you see it as D/J already together and Sam joining, D/S already together and John joining, or all three getting together at once?

happy dadfucker friday spike! ❤ i have more than one answer to this question.

the first is: if we're talking in character, canon compliant, then i don't see any iteration of samjohndean *ever* happening. especially pre-series. largely in part for my enduring headcanon that Sam Knows and his feelings towards johndean are an absolute dumpster fire. partially as you'd expect - few things could be more horrifying than something like that happening in your family. having to live with that. having to get up for school tired af because you were up all night listening to your father blow your brother's back out. wishing you could have been kept awake by absolutely anything else.

is there also a sense of betrayal re dean; a sense that something that belongs to sam has been taken from him? and does sam look at dean sometimes - or, more specifically, look at *john* looking at dean, in this way that makes sam feel like his own skin is on backwards - and feel sick and dirty, because the last thing he is supposed to feel when he sees that is *jealous*? maybe. but fuck, does he hate john. he hates john for doing this to dean. and, by extension, to him.

so that being said i doubt sam would ever want in on a dadfucker threeway. i think he'd take quite a self righteous stance about it all and find it easier to hate/feel angry at them for this awful twisted thing than ever get to a place of trying to understand it. which is a totally understandable reaction, angry brotherlusting aside. but i do see sam understanding, or at least trying understand a bit more, when he's older. as it starts to become clear that dean is all he has and will ever have... because maybe john, all those years ago, felt some version of that too.

the only time i can see a dadfucker threeway maybe possibly happening, if you twisted my arm and pushed to the edges of my imagination, is after the daddycest bible in motion: dead man's blood. sam and john suddenly having a connection they didn't have before, what with the whole SO burning on the ceiling thing. dean overwhelmed at having his family back together again. all that emotion, sam's fresh trauma, john's old wound, the same for the first time ever; possibly copious amounts of alcohol; but it would require sam to have a real Moment of realising his family are all he has left in the world. and it would have to be a really low Moment - sam is only 22 at this point, he's so young and something so awful has just happened to him, and maybe he needs his dad? his big brother? he needs that comfort no matter how it comes? even if he's not quite drinking the family is everything kool aid yet - that is the only way and time at all i can ever see sam getting or wanting to get involved with his dad and his brother's incestuous shenanigans. (and if this were to happen idk i'd really want a sammy sandwich. john and dean wanting to take their best care possible of their golden boy 🥰... and this also lends itself nicely to a bit of jealousy from dean... john is never *that* soft and gentle with him, not like he is with sam... and what's all that about? is sam still the favourite, even *now*? does dean not just get this one thing from dad to himself? well, squash that one in the ignore-repress box for the next ten years...)

and then, from an out of character and warped/gross perspective, i see this going one of two ways (going dead dove now, tw non con):

bastard john/object dean- remember how i said before about john sharing dean with sam as an eighteenth birthday present? that vibe, because i think about this way too much. a cultlike version of john so used to using dean as a fucktoy that when sam comes of age the best present john can think of is letting sam, the golden son, in on the fun. who knows, maybe john's been promising this to sam for some time. maybe dean isn't even aware it's going to happen until the day of. but he knows what he's for and he knows what he's good at, and he so badly wants to be good for sam as well.

sam never made it to stanford, at least not on time. someone found the letter among his things. john and dean were having none of it. cue nasty corrective stuff. because if they can just make sam understand, if they can just show sam how good things can be here, with them, how they as a family can take care of each other, give each other everything they need... what more could he want?

#asks #tw abuse #tw non con

[rose-vanity]

Filthy HCs For My Faves Because...Why Not? Part 1

We are kicking off this series with my love, Asahi Azumane! ❤️ 

TW: sex talk (obviously), swearing, mentions of oral and anal sex

                                                Asahi (hubby)

➣ despite his presumably innocent demeanor, he is nasty

➣ dirty minded and always horny

only makes dirty jokes with people he is very comfortable with

can get it up easily; he’s always ready to go

➣ likes to make out

very passionate kisser -- the type to make you go weak in the knees due to lack of oxygen

kissing him is enough to get you wet, tbh. he is that good.

➣ d o m i n a n t 

most people think he’s a sub because he is timid. no ma’am.

he’s a soft dom though

he is always attentive to your needs/pleasure

he will manhandle you -- not too roughly (he doesn’t want to hurt you), but expect to be forcefully pushed, pulled, and turned whichever way he pleases

you’re usually sore the next day

“Asahi, I can’t feel my legs” 

he immediately blushes and apologizes profusely

carries you to the bath and makes you tea

➣ neither a boobs nor butt man; he just loves your body 

likes to smack your booty -- he is surprisingly very handsy, even in public. he somehow finds a way to discreetly squeeze one of your buttcheeks, giving you a cute smile afterwards.

sucks your nipples until they are hard and oversensitive

sticks his fingers in your mouth when he is hitting it from the back or when you’re riding him

*rubs your vagina* “mmm, such a pretty p*ssy” 

kisses up and down the length of your legs while caressing your thighs

➣ 🎵 switching the positions for you 🎵

he’s gonna fuck you in at least three different positions every session

he likes to play with angles in bed, just like he does on the court 

not flexible? you’re gonna learn today

get tired quickly? start jogging to build your stamina. mans is not playing 🤷

➣ speaking of stamina, Asahi has a lot of it

multiple rounds

“go drink some water and bring that ass back”

you trip on your way out of the bedroom; he thinks it’s cute

also, multiple orgasms

sometimes he accidentally overstimulates you (he’s really sorry)

➣ KING of oral sex

tongue game is ridiculous

he licks, sucks, nibbles, and kisses your lady parts

basically makes love to your p*ssy with his mouth

likes to finger you at the same time for extra ✨ pizzazz ✨

you don’t have to ask for it, he will do it because he wants to

ride his face? absolutely

won’t eat the booty like groceries, but he will lick stripes over your hole (anus) when he’s eating you from behind

will also stick a thumb in your butt when doing doggystyle

➣ mutters dirty talk and praises in your ear

“you like that? yeah?”

“so good...fuck”

“take this dick baby”

“i love you so much”

➣ Asahi is a sensual lover

he’s gonna fuck you good, but also make you feel loved and important

holds you close when he’s nearing orgasm

loving gazes

professes his love/adoration 

”you’re so beautiful”

“no one else makes me feel this way”

➣ not into cum play or bodily fluids (bc it’s gross)

➣ believe it or not, he does NOT like for his hair to be pulled

but he will tug on your hair every now and then when you’re being bratty

➣ he has a big dick (we been knew, sis)

he’s a little self conscious about it the first time (he doesn’t want to hurt you)

thought you would be turned off or freaked out because he is bigger 

you took it like a pro and he has not held back since

“you like when I stuff you full of my cock huh?”

➣ he loves blowjobs

likes to watch your pretty lips engulf him

pulls his length out and slaps it on your tongue a few times

secretly wants to fuck your throat, but knows he won’t have enough control to not hurt you

likes it wet, but not sloppy

drives him crazy when you moan while blowing him

guides your head with a hand tangled in your hair when he’s close, but otherwise likes to watch you perform

➣ mutual masturbation 👍 

➣ not that into anal, but will try it if you really want to

➣ good aftercare -- reverts back to a giant teddy bear once it is over 

always checks to see if you are okay with what happened

cleans you both up once he comes down from the high of his orgasm

post-sex cuddles 

forehead kisses and interlocked fingers

“you were so good for me, pumpkin. i love you.”

playful cuddles and kisses in the shower while you wash up

#asahi azumane #azumane asahi #headcanon #asahi x reader #asahi x you #i love him so much #why can't he be real #asahi smut #haikyuu!! #hq

[soft-boi-eli]

Ok ok! Good uhm.

Ok since body dysmorphia has been kicking my butt lately i wanted to request something with Schlatt where basically the reader Starts getting really insecure because of their body. Pushing and pulling on their stomach etc. They also start binding unsafely with like really tight bras because they can't afford a binder and they end up fucking up their ribs really bad. They end up in the hospital and a very worried Schlatt visit's them and lectures them about how they shouldn't have done that and about how worried he was. So when they get back home there is a gift on the bed, turns out Schlatt bought them a binder.

The reader would be Non-binary and afab.

Also a little message for pretty much anyone who is insecure about their body/has body dysmorphia because of their chest, don't bind unsafely. That can really fuck up your chest and make you actually being happy with your body even harder.

Hell yes. I love this idea thank you icarus! Writing has been rude to me lately and I needed inspiration. This has hit it exactly.

Pronouns:nonbinary (dont think any were actually used in this so yeah.)

Tw: AFAB reader, swearing, insecurity, mention of surgry, mention of blood, mention of hating self, pain. Again angst to fluff. It is reflecting on how I have felt about my body before because I needed to make it seem kinda real.

PSA: please dont bind safely. It's dangerous and can lead to serious health consequences. I know hating your body sucks but I dont want anyone to get hurt because they dont listen to their lungs, they dont take off their binder, or if their bras are way too fucking tight. It can and will hurt you. So please bind safely!!

Happy birth-what the fuck?!

Lately your brain was giving you more dysphoria then ever. Telling you your body was too big, your boobs were too noticable, and you hips are too feminine.

What brought this on? Someone simply said your dead name. It made your dysphoria hit you like a truck.

After that day everything went down hill. Your stopped streaming, telling your followers that you were going on a mental break, you didn't really talk to friends, your brain could put words together. And you most importantly barely texted your loving supporting boyfriend schaltt, not wanting to break down in front of him.

You never had the time or thoughts of getting a chest binder. It was your biggest mistake honestly.

Deciding against chest binders and wearing alot of tight bras to flatten you. But it didnt work. So you got tighter bras. And they did work. But you didnt read up on how to bind safely.

This lead to the predicament now. In front of your mirror you were pinching and pulling at your skin. There was too much. All you wanted to do was cut it off with scissors. But decided against it due to the fact of all the blood that you would loose.

Your chest, smaller then it was yas, was still visible after your 3rd bra. You decided to add a 4th and tighter one hoping it would completely hide your boobs.

Your body made you want to puke. It made you feel disgusting. But you never told schaltt that. Afraid that he would say that you looked as gross as you thought you did.

Only 5 minutes after the 4th bra you felt excoriating pain in your ribs. And worse of all a harsh pop. That immediately brought red flags. It hurt to breath. Your head fuzzy and light headed.

Your only reaction, to call for an ambulance. Dialing the three numbers as you whimpered in pain you held onto your lungs. "911 what's your emergency?" "I cant breathe. It hurts so bad. Please help." "Are you by yourself?" "Yes. I need help please." "Ambulance, firemen, and police are on their way. Ambulance is 2 minutes out."

You didnt know if you had 2 minutes. "They can break the door down if I dont answer." That's all you said after collapsing.

Next thing you knew your door was busted off its hinges and you saw two paramedics. They were quick to transfer you to the ambulance, cutting through the four bras that held your chest.

It help get air to your lungs but it barely helped.

"We have a collapsed lung. ETA 2 minutes." The paramedic back there with you spoke to the walkie talkie.

Collapsed lung? Was that the harsh pop? God, was the bras that bad of an idea? All that was going through your mind was how you possibly could get worse. The instant you got into the trauma bay was way worse. With no time to numb you and your O2 stats dropping they had to cut between your ribs and shove a tube right next to your left lung. Draining air and excess blood blocking your lung from inflating. And before you knew it you were off to emergency surgery for getting a shard of bone out of your chest cavity.

The last thing you remember was counting down and falling asleep.

When you woke up your boyfriend was next to your bed, hands engulfing one of yours.

It looked like he had been crying before falling asleep on one of your legs. Taking your free hand through his hair you smiled lightly. "I'm sorry for all of this ram boy." He grunted lightly and moved his head back into your hand. His messy hair was thick and nearly matted. It made you wonder how long he's been sitting there. You loved him and felt so selfish for doing this to him.

"I cant believe I did all this and for what? To cause you and everyone pain? All because i couldnt afford a chest binder and deciding that I might as well try another way. I should have been safer huh?" You didnt expect an answer back. Just his quite snores.

"Yeah. Not really fuckin selfish more like kinda dumb. Your body doesnt show who the fuck you are (y/n). Your heart does. And your heart isnt say boy or girl. Its saying you are you. A person who uses pronouns they them. A person that love everyone and cares for their friends. A person who love me and jambo so deeply."

He took a breath.

"You normally are quite smart. Saving up for one would of been a better idea instead of doing such a stupid thing. Asking for my help. Because if I knew I would of helped. I would of found one just right for you. I would help you remember to take it off after 8 hours. Even would of found a way to make you feel more like you."

You could hear his heart break.

"But now you're here, four broken ribs, a healing lung, and stuck in the hospital for another week at least."

You felt so guilty. He was right. You should of told him. He would never have seen you like you saw yourself. He never cared about how you looked. He only cared for your heart.

Tears falling down your face you continued to massage his scalp. "I could of lost you. You are my rock. When I cant keep up my normal antics and feel like I'm at an all time low. You are there to pick me up." You had to stop the sob from coming up. "I'm just so happy youre alive." He looked up.

His red eyes were making your heart ache. "I wont do it again I promise. But I cant just ignore the feeling of dread whe. I look down and realize I present so much like a girl. I dont wa t to be one." Schaltt nodded and kissed the hand he was holding. "Then let me help you. I wont let this happen again. Just please. Come to me. Talk to me. I'm here like you are for me."

You gave a small nod.

This man knew his way to your heart. He was so sincere about this. "I will. But promise me you wont look down on me if I end up feeling like that." You just needed to make sure you knew he would never but you needed his words. "Mever sugarbabe. Never in my life have I looked down on you and never will."

God the week was long, him and the doctor explaining safe binding that you cant fully bind for at least 6-8 weeks. Schlatt telling you his reaction to finding your apartment swarmed with police and firemen and you no where to be seen.

He was practicing on saying happy birthday to you. But was cut off. "Happy birth-what the fuck?!" He was so concerned and even more so when you were in hospital.

When you did go home he helped you through the door, and watched you as you saw the small package on your couch.

Opening it you saw a chest binder. Specifically the one you were looking at. Looking over to schaltt with tears in your eyes you walked up and hugged him lightly minding the pain in your left side. This was the best gift.

The only gift you had been wanting for the past week or two. "Now you can be safe. But no binding till your doctor says so or I swear to god I will personally smite you down." You had to try so hard no to laugh or the pain would of been hell. Kissing his cheek you smiled.

"Of course schaltt. I will make sure to not wear it till I'm healed dont want to get blood on it ya know. Also it would hurt like a fucking bitch."

He chuckled and ruffled your hair. "Alright now go sit down. I'll get you some soup ya dork."

This was going to be a great time. That was until the pain fully came back. And then this is going to be a mediocre time.

Please pardon spelling errors. I havent proof read. And I am on mobile for almost all stories. But thank you so much for requesting this became something that I could write and it helped me alot. Now I might take a while for other things too and i apologize that's cause i am starting school soon. Also family issues. So yeah might take a bit. Dont know how long though. I'll try to keep them coming but if not you know I'm studying or helping my mom and grandma.

Eli out.

#jschlatt x reader #mcyt fluff #schlatt x reader #mcyt #mcyt schlatt #dsmp schlatt #schlatt fluff #schlatt #please bind safely #non binary #tw: body harm #tw: body dysphoria #tw: body dysmorphia

[clefairymuke]

regrets | chapter nine

prev. chapter | next chapter

pairings: levi ackerman x reader

themes: enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst, fluff, smut

tw: violence / explicit sexual content

word count: 2006

When you woke up, the sky was so dim you almost would've said it was still night. The softest of light poured into the room and lit the shelves, the sheets, and the outline of Levi's face elegantly. Your vision danced around the room a bit, still dazed. Your hair surrounded you in a mess of tangles. Your eyes grew heavier the more you forced them open. Sleep still partially blinded you, leaving the room a bit fuzzy-looking -- but you could tell he was still awake. "Levi?" you croaked out softly, your voice still dressed in fatigue. "How long have I been asleep?" You tried to lift your head, but the pillow pulled it gently back down.

"Not long enough. A few hours," he replied quietly, as you noticed a teapot and cup on the table next to the both of you, still fuzzy -- maybe blue? Your eyes tried to flutter back shut, but you held them open a bit longer.

"I don't sleep much," you told him, your consciousness half gone. "I have nightmares." You let your eyes shut this time, still listening for his reply.

"You haven't seemed to have them tonight," he answered. You heard the teacup clink against the pot, then the sound of him sipping it slowly.

"No, not tonight. Not sure why." With that, you began to drift, his words molding into your dreamworld until you were entirely submerged.

---

Hange squealed with joy as you took another step, one hand holding on to Jean's shoulder and the other on Connie's. "You'll be back in training within two weeks, tops! You've healed excellently!"

You stopped for a split second, your grip tightening a bit on your friends' shoulders as you processed what she just said. "Two more weeks? I thought I just finished the two weeks. I'm supposed to be fine now." You groaned, leaning on Jean a bit.

"Two weeks to heal. We can't have you back in combat training tomorrow. That would be absurd," Hange said innocently, excitement still dripping from their voice. "But this is progress! If we keep doing this kind of thing everyday you'll be just fine. You'll be walking on your own in a week!" Connie ruffled your hair a bit, and you tried to shake it back into place.

"Can I sit down now?" you asked, unable to hide the disappointment in your voice. You used your friends for support until you could plop defeatedly into one of the chairs against the wall. The two of them sat next to you, Jean's arm propped up behind your back and Connie's behind his head. You ran one hand through your hair, smoothing it from Connie's abuse, while the other gripped the arm of the wooden chair. "Can I at least sleep in my own bed?" you requested, smiling halfheartedly at Hange.

They frowned a bit, like they felt bad. "I don't think that would be wise. Were there an accident, it would be dangerous for it to happen when no one was in the barracks. It's best if you stay there; it won't be too much longer." You let your head fall back onto Jean's arm and let out a deep sigh.

After a while longer, Jean carried you back to your infirmary room, complaining about your weight for at least eight minutes of the ten-minute walk. The sky was orange and pink as the sun began its trek downward; it was beautiful, but it reminded you of the dark and lonely night ahead. Two more weeks felt like years.

As he laid you down, you huffed. "I have one hell of a bone to pick with you, Jean Kirstein. I should have let the titan eat your scrawny ass," you told him, smacking his arm lightly. "I take care of the damsel in distress, and I get a broken leg out of it. It's fucked up."

He snorted, a grin running across his lips. "Yeah, I hear you." He rubbed the side of your shoulder gently. "You need me to stay tonight, or are you okay?"

"I'm good, Jean. Levi actually stayed with me last night," you said, yawning. You were confused when his eyebrows fell together and his mouth drew up in disgust.

"Is this an Eren situation? With Captain Levi? That's so gross. He's, like, old." You watched him hold back laughter.

You gagged jokingly, utterly confused on how he came to that conclusion. "Dude, no. What the fuck? He just helped me get to the bathroom. Don't be weird." You almost started to laugh with him. "And I don't even think he's much older than us, dumbass."

"Seriously, though, spending the night with Captain Levi? You can't expect me to believe nothing's going on there. Since when does he --"

"Since when do I what, Kirstein?" Levi's voice came from the doorway, a teacup and pot in either of his hands. "Do you always come up with such repulsive theories, or is this a joke?" With his voice unchanging, you were unsure of if he was joking or genuinely angry. When it's Levi, it's often safer to assume anger.

"I was just kidding, sir," Jean replied, small laughs still hidden behind his tongue. "But I was wondering -- since when are you infirmary security?" You chuckled under your breath, putting your arms under your head and getting comfortable. Jean's hand still rested on your shoulder.

"Since I found her alone last night on her ass in the hallway, literally dragging herself to the restroom. It was an embarrassing show." You frowned, imagining how you must've looked in front of him. Jean looked back at you mockingly, eyes wide and a smile covering his face. You groaned as you watched Jean improvise a replay of the event in his head, a chuckle bubbling up from his throat. "I carried her the rest of the way and back, and when we got here, I elected to stay with her since no one else was for her safety. It would be inconvenient for her leg to be injured again." Levi started inside, getting his tea set up on the table dividing the bed and the wooden chair. "I don't really sleep, anyway. I have nothing better to do."

"I would've stayed, if you didn't kick me out," Jean said to you, the corners of his lips pulling down minutely.

"You can't sleep in a chair every night for a month. You'll be in here with a bad back in no time," you replied. He nodded, his lips creeping back up into a grin.

"Get to sleep, okay? Lots to do tomorrow." He leaned down and kissed your forehead before turning and walking towards the door.

"Night, Jean. See you tomorrow," you called as you saw him shut the door behind him. you looked over at Levi, pouring a fresh cup of tea. "You're here early tonight." You watched him pick up the cup by the rim and swirl it around a bit before lifting it to his pursed lips.

"Moving my things from my suite last night was a pain. I preferred to just have a seat and not have to run any errands. I thought Jean wasn't your boyfriend? Your social life is a bit confusing, you know," he sipped from his cup again, holding eye contact with you and intently waiting for your answer. When you laughed, one of his eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, Jean definitely isn't my boyfriend. We're just close. If you keep making assumptions like that, you'll have to run me to the bathroom so I can puke." You watched one corner of his mouth turn up ever so slightly. Was this his version of a laugh? "And it was super fucked up to use the word "repulsive," you know. I plan to tell my therapist that you impacted my self esteem." You didn't see a change in his strange little micro-smile. It felt nice to see some expression in his face.

"I guess I wouldn't use the word repulsive," he told you. "I'm trying to think of a better word -- disgusting?"

"Fuck off," you snorted, giggling.

Levi wasn't the most talkative person you knew by any means, but you managed to get a bit more conversation out of him before you drifted slowly off to sleep.

Again, you weren't met with nightmares. Nor were you the two nights that followed, as long as he sat quietly at your bedside. On the fifth night, you noticed a second teacup in his hand as he entered the room. It was a small gesture, but it made you smile. Levi had moved the table so it sat directly between the two of you. He sat across from you as he poured the tea, careful not to spill a drop. You sipped it lightly, finally having enough strength to sit straight up in your bed without any pain. The two of you chatted briefly before returning to the comfortable silence you had started to grow accustomed to. These nights with Levi were strange, of course, but they were also peaceful. Loneliness was your worst enemy, especially as you stared at the ceiling in the dark infirmary room by yourself all those nights. He, at the very least, curbed that terrible feeling.

You lifted the cup to your lips yet again and frowned as you looked down to find it empty. "I'm all out," you said, reaching for the pot. He had the same thought, and your hands brushed momentarily as your eyes met. You pulled back, somewhat quickly, and allowed him to pour you another.

"You aren't nearly as insufferable as you were a few weeks ago," he commented bluntly as he set the pot back on the table. You chuckled, growing used to his dryness, causing that small upturn of one corner of his lip to return.

"Neither are you, Levi. Still insufferable, but not nearly so," you replied, leaning forward and resting your chin on one of your hands.

"I still don't appreciate your disrespect," he said. You rolled your eyes half-heartedly.

"It would be weird to call you Captain while we're having tea. You can be casual once in a while, you know." You grinned into the teacup as you saw him raise an eyebrow. You knew it didn't warrant a reply.

Back to the silence. The two of you sat there quietly for a bit, finishing your tea. You started to begin the process of turning to lay down and get comfortable, but Levi's calm voice interrupted you. "You were half asleep the other night; I'm not sure if you remember. You told me you usually have nightmares, and you don't sleep much."

You shrugged, nodding your head. "Yeah, that's true. It's been that way for a few years now. You're right though, I don't remember." You felt a bit of blood retreat to your cheeks, embarrassment flooding you.

"You also said you didn't have them that first night, and you've slept well each night I've been here. They must not be too bad," he said, his voice almost hinting at inquisitive.

You furrowed your brow, recounting the dreams of the previous four nights. "No, no, they're usually awful. I wake up in the night pretty often, if I can get to sleep in the first place. It's strange, I haven't had any since you started sitting with me." You thought about that for a moment, then smiled. "Maybe they're afraid of humanity's strongest," you teased, a yawn erupting from your lips.

You watched his little grin again. "Perhaps they are."

You turned over and burrowed under the thin blanket that adorned you. You nuzzled your head tightly into your pillow and allowed your eyes to shut, breathing out in comfort. You opened one eye ever so slightly, seeing Levi looking at you absentmindedly. His teacup hung gracefully from his fingers. He took a sip from it before setting it down quietly, then pushed the table back into its place.

"Goodnight, Levi," you said, not expecting an answer. You shut your eye again and started to feel yourself drift. As everything faded to black, you heard him reply.

"Goodnight."

#levi attack on titan #levi x reader #levi ackerman #aot fanfiction #AoT #aot x reader #attack on titan #snk #snk x reader #slowburn #enemies to lovers

[yes-another-obey-me-blog]

Can I request MC being overwhelmed by the brothers fighitng and slowly trying to sink under the table when Solomon comes in like a prince to whisk them away, effectively pissing off the brothers as well

Shure thing!  

TW: Panic attack.

GN reader/MC.

A/N The Mc doesn't have pacts with the bros yet.  Also a little different from your request, sorry.

It was too loud, all voices bounced around the meeting hall echoing and a defining anthem of accusations, frustration, and threats effectively gluing you to your seat.  Diavolo had to step out for just a moment to retrieve some papers left in his office and when that door closed all hell broke loose.

"I still don't see why I have' ta be some damn baby sitter!"  Mammon slammed his hands on the table.  "If you want the human protected so bad why don't you just do it your self!"  He pointed his finger at Lucifer who was somehow still keeping his cool but his aura was suffocating.

"I'm far to busy helping Diavolo to be bothered to watch them, that's why it's your job."  Lucifer seethed crossing his arms and shooting a glare at Mammon.   Of course, they're talking about you as if you're not present, as if your bother that was shoved onto them.  Well, now that you think about it that's not too far off.  You're a magicless human in a world full of demons that could kill you in seconds, of course, no one wants to deal with that kind of burden.

"Levi is a shut-in that can't take care of himself!  The human would die in his care!  Asmo is a party animal that only thinks of getting his dick wet!"

Mammon snarled "If its a job then why ain't I gettin paid!"

"I'm your brother, I don't need to pay you." Lucifer hissed.  But, Mammon still persisted.

"Why not Levi or Asmo!"  he screamed, "How about Satan, what about Beel?  Fuck if Belphie was here I'd even ask him!"  It was at this point Lucifer lost his temper and shifted to demon form.  His hands slamed on the table as he stood, the flare of his wings knocking you to the side. If the eldest noticed he didn't show it.  You scooted away from the raging demon and whimpered, looking for a place to hide, anywhere that would make you feel safe.

"I know I'm a shut-in but you don't need to scream about how pathetic and gross I am!  Levi had now shifted, his tail thrashing wildly knocking chairs over.  Luckily you evaded the flying chair and made it under the table.

"How rude!  Are you trying to slut-shame me Lucifer!"  Asmo now shifted his nails digging into the table "I'll have you know my lifestyle is none of your business!"

"YOU TWO BE SILENT!" Lucifer roared.  You covered your ears and whimpered, where was Diavolo?

"Satan would end up losing his temper and killing them!" The fourth brother cut in his tail unraveled from his leg.

-Meanwhile with Solomon-  

Solomon was halfway back to purgatory dorm when he felt Asmo's pact flare-up.  There were a few things that made the seal light up, one he was horny, two Asmo was horny, he was giving Asmo power or Asmo was pissed.  With a sigh, he looked at the pact expecting to see that Asmo was in the mood but was shocked when he saw the pact.  The mark was a bloody pink and glowed with a fury Asmo was pissed about something and if it was bad enough for his demon form to come out it must be pretty bad.  Solomon let out a sigh and continued to walk to his dorm, already giving up his night to lessen to the demon vent about it later tonight unless he vents to Mc.  He smirked at the thought, poor Mc, stuck listening to a blubbering angry Asmo poor, poor Mc.  Where is Mc any way?  They normally walk this way so he normally sees them except when they have student council meet- Solomon's stomach dropped and he froze in place.  Asmo's on the student council, and if he pissed then that means- "Oh fuck." Solomon dropped his back and sprinted back towards RAD.

-Back to Mc-    

"Your one to talk about losing your temper!"  You heard the crash of a chair being smashed to pieces.  Your breathing started to pick up when Beel knelt down and was trying to get you out from under the table.  The only one still in human form.  You just curled up in a tighter ball, seeing that you wouldn't move on your own Beel reached out and grabbed you pulling you up.  You let out a small screech and Beel mumbled quick apologizes even in the mists of chaos still trying to be kind.

"Beel would eat them if he had the chance!"  You flinched at Lucifer's words but Beel didn't seem fazed he only shook his head at you letting you know he wouldn't.  Beel started to drag you to the door you couldn't hear what Lucifer screamed out about the final brother but that seemed to bring Beel to his boiling point.  He let go of your arm and shifted you started to back up agest the wall slowly sinking down.

"You know I could just eat you instead and be done with this!"  Beel bellowed his wings on full display in a challenging position.  Lucifer seethed even more approaching Beel with a growl.  

You couldn't hear what they were saying, Levi and Mammon were yelling and holding Beel back.  Asmo was trying to calm Lucifer down but was failing miserably and Satan was trying to pull Mammon and Levi off Beel so he could attack Lucifer.  You were sobbing violently at this point you wanted to go home, you wanted to get away from these demons, this was all too much!  You jumped when you felt someone grab your arm and screamed and started hitting them until you saw it was Solomon panting, red in the face his RAD jacket gone, and hair a mess.  You reached out for him and he pulled you close.

Seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours and the brothers raged on until the council door slammed open.  Diavolo flanked by Barbados walked in both wearing a look of utter disappointment.  The brothers froze and fell silent, the only thing heard in the room was your sobbing and breathing.  Diavolo walked slowly towards you both but was stopped by the barrier.  "Solomon could you take this down please."  Diavolo's normally echoing voice was a whisper.

"Can you make them stop?!" You wailed.  Solomon tucked your head under his chin and shook his head.

"I only have a Pact with Asmo if I try to stop him now things could get worse between Lucifer and Beel."  You sobbed harder and he pulled you closer and put up a defensive barrier.  He wanted to do more but he couldn't carry you out, he'd just spritted the whole way here.  There was no way he could walk you out with the way objects are being thrown, it's a medical none of them hit you.  This was all he could do, hold you, and keep a barrier up and speak words of comfort.

Solomon shook his head.   "Not till they switch back."  Solomon's voice was firm and unyielding.  Diavolo waited for a second then snapped.

"What are you seven waiting for you heard him."  His voice was level but he was close to losing control of himself.  The brothers shifted back and Solomon dropped the barrier, your sobs could be heard at full force.  Solomon took to rubbing your back and sushing you trying to get your breathing steady.  "Solomon," he looked at Diavolo, "Take Mc to purgatory dorm and notify Simeon on what has happened.  They will be in your care until further notice."  Solomon nodded and helped you to your shakey legs and started to walk you out of the destroyed room, Barbados following close behind.  Before you, both left Solomon looked over his shoulder and saw that Diavolo had shifted and was breathing quickly.  His own rage rolling off him in waves.

"It's best if you both get to dorm quickly,"  Solomon looked at Barbados, "My lord is trying very hard to hold back his rage until your both out of RAD, his yells can cause humans to lose their hearing.  So, Solomon, I give you this before you go."  Barbados's pact lit up and Solomon felt power flow into him all his strength and energy returned.  "Do hurry now, My Lord is about to blow."  With that Barbados shut and locked the door and, with Solomon's newly replenished energy and strength he quickly carried you out of RAD and to Purgatory dorm.

He passed Simeon and Luke and took you to his room and set you on the bed.  He really wasn't sure what to do, its been a long time since he's comforted, someone.   He looked so lost, you opened your arms and looked at him, hoping to get your message across.  With a small smile, he climbed in bed and held you till you fell asleep.  With you nuzzled up to his chest he made a promise to protect you and with a kiss to your forehead he sealed that promise.        

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me! #obey me swd #obey me solomon x mc #obey me solomon x reader #obey me solomon

[doctorgerth]

Hey Coop, maybe you will tell us what kind of smut/kinks/nsfw topics you don't see around much and you're dying to read/write 👀

Basi, kisses to your brain for this discussion. 💋

I’m so terribly behind on my reading, I can’t say for certain that these topics are lacking in the fandom because I might have just missed out due to my lack of reading 🥲 but here is what I’d love to see (and also write) more of:

LOTS of sinful rambling ahead, I apologize. plz do not read if you’re not comfy with sex talk. minors dni.

soft sex ➟ thankfully, this is becoming more and more popular lately and I have had the opportunity to write for it a few times now! I just love the intimacy, the emotional release. gentle touches and languid motions, skin to skin, praises of each other’s names. two ppl who love each other endlessly and express it through sweet sweet love-making. +bonus if it’s with a partner who is usually far from gentle or soft yet they’re trying so hard to be. ❤️‍🔥

awkward sex ➟ I understand why this is typically an avoided topic simply bc we all want to read about our wildest fantasies. most don’t care to read about someone cumming way too early, someone not getting off at all, struggling to put a condom on, bumping heads, queefing and other weird happenings but I wouldn’t mind one bit. I think we need more laughs because sex is kinda gross and weird when u think about it, but it’s also totally normal and reading about what sex is actually like can help normalize things that ppl are insecure about? everybody is going to do something totally weird at one point, even characters we hc as sex gods. I think highlighting the awkward aspects will help avoid developing unrealistic expectations for first timers. 💕 (I could go on and on about this topic but that will have to be a separate discussion)

corruption kink ➟ not necessarily like corrupting a virgin/virgin kink but it’s not bad either? I just like reading about innocent characters getting fucked stupid by people who get off on their innocence?? like when Person A tells Person B what to do, or teases Person B about how they’re reacting to what they are doing to them (“so hard/wet already?”) just hnnn that’s good shit right there. all completely consensual of course bc I don’t vibe with noncon/dubcon.

breeding kink (tw: pregnancy) ➟ mating press, mating press, mating press. 🥵 I can honestly enjoy this either way; men who go absolutely feral at the idea of putting a baby in reader orrrr men who just love to fuck reader raw and unload every drop of their cum inside of them (with or without risk of getting pregnant). I want to have kids someday so it really doesn’t bother me at all and it’s super duper hot to me. 🥸

car sex ➟ I dunno man, just something about cramped seating, faded radio noise, fogged up windows, and the shaking of the car has me 😮‍💨 we need more Modern AU! One Piece strictly for car sex purposes !!

chubby reader sex ➟ self-indulgent, but I wouldn’t mind reading or writing more about characters who go nuts for a chubby reader! hard to tackle without it coming off as a weird fetish tho…but I just wanna see more grabby hands and love for the fleshy bits!!

anal sex/anal play ➟ I know it’s taboo and gross to some, but I have zero shame about wanting to give the booty more love 🍑

more usage of “pretty baby/girl” “good girl” “that’s my girl” etc. ➟ bc my sub ass LIVES for that shit. and it’s just so so so ❤️‍🔥 to read (and write)

There’s also some topics that I’ve only recently discovered that I’m not entirely sure if I’m into or not yet…being dacryphilia and dumbification but I’ve already talked too much so I’m just gonna end it here 😂

thanks for the chat! sorry for the incessant rambling 😵‍💫

#chat with coop <3 #ns.fw #tw: pregnancy

[just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot]

A Disasterous Loaf-Life

“Bread”

@weweregoddesses​

Pairings: Romantic Dukexiety

TWs: Swearing, Remus being Remus, Sexual Innuendos, Phallic Shaped Bread Creatures, some angst but not too much, Pretty Brief Heated Makeout, mentions of a parasite that affects humans, Implied Sexual Activities Post Fic End (no actual sex tho),

Summary: Two Pining Dumbasses Make Bread.

(This is so long I just got super carried away)

--

“Remus, is there a reason you’ve kneaded your dough into the shape of an ass?”

Virgil watched with a fond sigh as the man next to him proudly stood over the booty bread he’d lovingly crafted over the last ten minutes. 

“Not really,”, Remus cackled, raising his hands, “Except for this!”, and with that, he brought down his hands in a flurry of obscene slaps to the fake rear. Virgil maintained his composure for all of a minute before he had to physically restrain his snickering. 

God dammit, this fucking guy! Thirteen years and Remus was still the one person who could make him laugh like the world wasn’t watching. 

“Well, when you’re finishing pulverising your Glutenous Maximus, are you gonna finally tell me what you’re actually shaping your loaf into this time?”, Virgil snarked affectionately. 

Remus rolled his eyes; his emo dork was spending far too much time with Patton lately. 

“Same as the last time we did this, duuuh.”, he retorted, as if that were common knowledge.

Virgil’s eyes widened, “.... You’re not serious.”

“As serious as Naegleria Fowleri.”

“.. as what?!”

“Y’know, that fucked up brain eating amoeba that they found in that one Disney water park-”

“NEVERMIND!”, Virgil hastily shook the thought away as he tended to his own dough, “Don’t tell me, I’ll have nightmares for weeks...”

The hoodie clad mad looked Remus up and down as he folded his own purple dyed dough, “.... Are you really going to attempt the Cocktopus again? Seriously?”

Remus shrugged, already forming the eight ‘tentacles’ in stunningly graphic detail, “Why not? You’re making purple bread again, why don’t I do the same?”

Well, he had him there. Really, Virgil had gone to make his bread purple without even thinking about it. Perhaps just being next to Remus after all this time had subconsciously brought him back to that same summer day they’d spent in the kitchen side by side making bread together. Virgil could hear his mother’s old junkbox of a radio blaring Redbone’s Come and Get Your Love while he and Remus slung flour at each other and danced about in their socks trying not to slip. 

Being back in the same house - now passed down to him - making bread once again with Remus brought back so many memories and emotions. Most of them good, though as he looked over to the man he still loved absolutely going to town on his bread sculpting, Virgil couldn’t help but remember how much guilt he still harboured; he’d never expected Remus to kiss him out of the blue back then, but Virgil also hadn’t expected to silently run off to his room to calm down, only to find Remus had left. 

Not just his home, but his life. Virgil hadn’t wanted to face Remus, unsure of how to handle his feelings, but seeing the moving sign on the Duke family’s front lawn that next week as he watched the moving van leave just that little bit too quickly for Virgil to say goodbye had plagued his mind more often than he cared to admit. 

A gross, gooey wetness on his cheek hauled him back to the present, only to realise Remus had finished a surprisingly glorious cocktopus and had slathered some of the egg wash on his cheek.

“Earth to Tickle-Me-Emo, you good??”

Virgil would’ve socked him in the arm if Remus’ concerned smile didn’t send his heart racing too hard to consider it. He wiped the mixture off his cheek, only mumbling back at Remus as he formed his purple mix into little loafs, “I’m fine, just stop covering my face in slimy shit.”

“..... Okay, now I know something’s up. You never leave me room for innuendos like that.”

Not even waiting to clean the residual flour off of his hand, Remus softly reached out and Virgil anxiously awaited the touch on his cheek. 

But it never came.

He watched as Remus seemed to course correct and he used his thumb to draw a line down his forehead, whispering, “Simbaaaaa-”

“Okay, fuck ooooff!”, Virgil had snorted, fondly swatting at Remus.

“Come on, Virge! You looked like you were gonna blow a blood vessel, how could I not diffuse the tension a little?”, Remus snickered, though the silence that followed wasn’t so comfortable somehow. Virgil struggled to place it until he noticed Remus’ expression falter. He didn’t get the chance to ask what was wrong before Remus spoke up, 

“This was a mistake, wasn’t it?”

A cold jolt shuddered along Virgil’s spine, rattling each vertebrae as it went.

“What’re you-”

“Why’d you invite me over, Virge?”

Truthfully, Virgil knew exactly why he had invited Remus from the outset; he wanted to see him again, drown in his presence, hopefully find out that he was single and still just as in love with Virgil after all these years as he was with Remus. But once Remus was there, single and right in front of him, he’d panicked - what else was new? - and resorted to turning their meeting into a catching up between old friends. 

But people who are just friends don’t dream about being held by their friend at night, don’t fantasize about a future together, don’t lay awake at night regretting not having just taken the chance to be more when they had it.

They also don’t stare at their friend’s gorgeous toned body every chance they get, but that felt a little too pathetic to admit on top of everything else.

Virgil wasn’t aware of how quiet he’d been until Remus spoke again, “Here I am, thinking maybe you might want me back in your life for good, maybe even like me back if I was lucky....”, Remus paused forlornly, an expression that didn’t suit him in the slightest, “But even now you’re still anxious around me. Which, I mean, I get it. Why would you like me back after I just kissed you out of the blue like that-”

“But why would you want me-?!”

His voice wasn’t meant to come out so high pitched and whiny, but Virgil was more focused on trying to process what Remus had just said. Remus liked him still. After all this time. And yet, Virgil’s brain was still trying to ruin it.

“Remus, you… look at you!”, he gestured to all of him, “You’re still a fucking weirdo but you’re stupidly hot!”

Virgil kicked himself mentally, his hands raking through his hair and nails scraping his scalp, “Ugh, no! I mean! Fuck, Remus, I’ve been in love with you all this time! I haven’t even LOOKED at another guy in these last thirteen years, because whenever I even think about finding someone to settle down with, the only goddamn thing I can think about is how much I only want you-!”

The clattering of a knocked over kitchen table was the only warning Virgil got. Then all he could focus on was Remus’ arms wrapping around him, his breath cool against his neck. 

“Then why’d you never tell me, you asshole?!”, Remus murmured against him. 

Virgil wondered if he imagined the soft noise of relief Remus let out as Virgil hugged him. 

“Because I’m the worst-”

“No.”, Remus cut him off, pulling back a little to give him an unimpressed look.

“No-?”

“No. Try again.”

Ah. It’d been years since Remus took this approach with him. 

“,... Because I’m stupid-”

“Try agaaain.”, Remus droned, prodding one of the little purple loafs Virgil had lovingly been shaping from a circular loaf into a spider before all of this began.

“Dude, don’t poke my spiders-”

“Or what?”

Virgil narrowed his eyes, unable to stop the quirk of a grin, “Don’t you dare-”

Remus narrowed his gaze, grinning as he plunged a finger into another spider loaf. Virgil tried to stop him all the while Remus cackled and kept dotting them with holes. Finally, Virgil conceded, 

“Fine! I was scared, okay-?!”

The silence hung heavier than both men anticipated. Virgil would’ve found Remus stopping dead with his finger shoved into the spider loaf’s ass hilarious if he wasn’t too busy shaking with nerves. 

“I was scared.”, he repeated, quietly dropping onto one of the chairs around the table, “I liked you so much back then too, but emotions are the fucking worst when you’re a kid and I was still trying to work shit out.”

The scooting of a chair let Virgil know Remus had sat down too. 

“My anxiety just got worse the longer I couldn’t see you, but every time I thought about facing you, I just kept thinking “well, he deserves better anyway-!””

Sick of hearing Virgil self deprecating further, Remus all but hauled Virgil into his lap, their faces inches from touching, eye contact unbreaking.

“Virge,”, Remus purred barely above a whisper, “I mean this in the nicest way possible..” 

The way their lips brushed over each other send shockwaves along Virgil’s spine, “But shut the fuck up.”

The scrawnier man didn’t need to be told twice. The second Remus’ lips pressed against his own, Virgil had no intention of breaking the contact until he needed air. Not that he’d mind suffocation if it was Remus’ lips doing the smothering. His left hand threaded itself in Remus’ hair while the right held onto his firm bicep. Fucking hell, Remus had never been this solid when they were kids. Since when did real, unphotoshopped people have muscles like these-!?

All of a sudden, Virgil couldn’t care less as Remus’ hands caressed his hips, earning a gasp Remus was more than willing to use to deepen their kiss. He got no complaints from Virgil who reciprocated the intensity of their kiss with no hesitation. It’d already cost him thirteen years with the man he loved, Virgil wasn’t about to hold himself back anymore. 

…. Okay maybe he should have held back a little.

A surge of panic jolted him free of the makeout headspace when he felt himself tipping back. Right, they were on one of the kitchen chairs. A chair meant to only support one person. Thankfully, Remus noticed and leant back. Instead of Virgil toppling to the floor, he wound up on top of Remus on the floor, hissing as his knees made contact with the tiles. 

“Fucking hell-! Oh shit, Remus, you okay-?!”

Remus groaned and scrunched his eyes at the pain. Virgil immediately feared that Remus had done himself a serious injury, however the man he was using as a seat cracked an eye open and sighed theatrically,

“Well, at least I’m gonna die with a raging boner.”

Virgil sighed. He was fine. 

“Come on, let’s get these dumb loaves in the oven and then you can be horny all you want-“

Remus didn’t waste a second. He barely gave Virgil a second to get off of him before he was up on his feet. A gasp made Virgil take a break from dusting flour off of himself.

“MY COCKTOPUS!!! IT’S DEAD!!!!”

Well, that’s not a phrase you hear everyday. Sure enough, when Virgil followed Remus’ gaze, the poor phallic sea demon he’d constructed had deflated somewhat; it’s many ‘’tentacles’’ had fallen over and flattened while the head of the beast was beginning to sag. Virgil was about to tell Remus to leave it be when he noted how genuinely upset Remus was.

Sighing, Virgil rolled his hoodie sleeves up to his elbows once more, “Alright, you can fix it, and THEN we’re making up for lost time..”

------

... I have no excuses for this one, the idea came and I ran with it.

Special thanks to the ever wonderful and talented @accidental-sanders​ for helping flesh out this whole thing with me <3 Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account   @cateye-glasses   @fandomsofrandom @patton-cake @does-this-look-logicality-to-you @justalittlecorrupted @irritating-lady-knight @katlikethesword 

#dukexiety #remus sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #virgil #remus #this is so fucking dumb #and i LOVE it #please do read the tags #and shoutout to my always wonderful partner for helping me nail down the plot #and for screeching COCKTOPUS in all caps #I know you love these boyfs so #I hope this lives up to what you hoped it'd be like #my fics

[emiisanxious]

TSUS Day 6 - Anxceitmus

@emy-loves-you

This person is doing a really cool challenge! And while I don’t think I will partake in all days I couldn’t help and do today. Although, a fair warning the plot is really hushed (like with all this TSUS).

Challenges Rules can be found here.

Also the prompt: A and B are in a relationship together when they meet C. Sometimes they knew c before that, it doesn’t matter. What is important for this dynamic is, that usually both A and B are scared when they feel attracted to another person than their partner. This dynamic often contains angst, sometimes A and b break up because they think the reason for the attraction is that they weren’t really in love with their partner. If you’re going to write something like this, keep in mind that it might be a good idea to make C confess to both of them at the same time and/ or being open about them being poly. From tumblr: @xximagine-your-ot3xx in this post.

Summary: Remus and Virgil were in a good relationship but... They missed someone.

Also, reblogs are welcome! As it can make other people find my blog and I get to write more.

TW: Knives mentions, panic attack mentions, spiders mentions, n/s/f/w mention - just like really over mentioned, eating gross things (don’t know how to tag this), misunderstanding Like HELL lot. My wish was just to put the TW as: REMUS been Remus. But okay, tell me if I missed any trigger.

Relationship: Romantic Dukexiety end up with Romantic Anxceitmus

Characters: Virgil, Janus, Remus.

Mentions: Other sides without name.

Words: 1 369

Remus and Virgil, when they first started dating no one, literally no one expected that but with the days they all could see how hopeless in love they were with each other. They were good for each other and no one doubted that.

If Virgil was having a panic attack? Just let Remus make it better, he would do small breathing exercises and then go to the Imagination in his castle, where they would end up cuddling and watching a marathon of cheap horror movies and make fun of it.

If Remus's thoughts started to get louder? You bet that Virgil will carry him outside of where the sides lived and just stay outside, in the woods, doing a small camp. They would end up throwing knives and shurikens in trees, play tag in their fancy way, Virgil's handicap would be he wasn't allowed to use his spider-sense. But Remus won't cheat by going underwater.

An odd couple, sometimes chaotic, but they were in love, and sure they were also horny as hell, after all, Remus kinks list was a book itself and Virgil didn't mind at all in complying with it if it means that his boyfriend would be happy.

Yet as time passes they end up with a problem, both started to pay attention to a certain side. Although don't get them wrong, they did love each other is just... They felt like it missed something, someone.

Sometimes it would feel better for Virgil if someone else was there to stop Remus from eating pancakes with dish soup. As well sometimes it would feel better for Remus if someone else could explain to him why Virgil's panic attack wasn't subduing. Or why Virgil didn't want to be touched?

The green creativity needed the touches and was the only way that he knew how to calm Anxiety. Touch, holding, and then doing the breathing exercise. So, when they both found out that they loved Janus was really off for them.

"Wait... What?" Virgil looked confused at his boyfriend when they confessed at the same time. "That is weird."

"I know!" Remus sighs as he looks at the purple side. "I just... Love him, and love you."

"Hm... So... Maybe we are poly?" Virgil tried it as he looks at the ceiling.

"I don't know. Virge... I just. Don't want to break with you."  Remus confessed as he will look at his boyfriend.

"This is just..." Virgil didn't know what to say exactly as he looks back at Remus and so going to him, holding his hands gentle. "How about we take the time to think about it? Not break up just, take some time. Maybe try to pass more time with Janus and see how things go?"

The dark creativity didn't like it, but he supposed they didn't have a better idea right now as he nods. "Fine... But please look for help if you panic?"

"Sure, I will." Anxiety tried to relax his shoulders as he kisses his boyfriend for the last time.

For the next week, it was odd in the mind space. Everyone started to worry, as they could see that both Remus and Virgil were just miserable, yet when asked both just denied or didn't talked.

Janus could sense the lie, between the line of: "I'm fine" or "We didn't break up" or even the "Nothing is wrong". It was just off, what was also off was the number of times that Virgil had a panic attack and he was the side chosen to help.

"Hey, look at me." Deceit said for what seems the tenth time this day. "In for four, 2, 3, 4, hold for seven, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, out for eight, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Good, you're doing great. Again."

After a month, that was just in the ridiculous point, Janus would need to keep his eyes on both. If he wasn't in one room, he was in the other room. Remus often had a self-harm episode or Virgil had a hallucination as he was so freaking out. It was in one of the hallucinations episodes that Janus finally got his answer.

"Why the fuck are you two like that?!" Deceit was tired, he hasn't been able to really rest, he was sick worried about the two sides, and wasn't just because of his trait as self-preservation, was also because he was mad in love with them, but he always felt like he shouldn't meddle in their love.

Virgil was tired as his head was buried in Janus's neck, murmuring a. "Because... We can't figure out..."

"Exactly?" The yellow side was now caressing the purple side's head, to ground him.

"We both fell in love with you... But that was weird because we were in love with each other... So... We thought that maybe we weren't in love with each other and decided to take a break? And try to pass more time with you to figure out..." Virgil's voice was almost dead as he was slowly sleeping.

Janus was shocked as he looks at the ceiling, that was all happening because of him?! How these two morons couldn't notice the simple solution for that? Although he should be fair to himself, he never tried to show interest in them, he was good at lying to himself after all.

A sigh as he realizes that this chaos could have ended up way early if Janus stopped just lying to himself. He ended up staying the night in Virgil's room, holding him and keep him calm enough.

On the next morning though, Janus didn't waste time as he would grab Virgil's hand and pull him out to Remus's room, knocking on it till the other side opens up.

"J-Anus! Virgin, what a delight to see you here." Remus was weirder, his room lost a lot of the mess and chaos, also dirty and trash that always was there, he himself was a mess.

"Shut up." Janus finally sighed as he will push Remus back to the room and then get inside with Virgil, making both sit down on the bed and close the door.

Virgil and Remus didn't look at each other as they still didn't get an answer about their feelings so right now that was just... Uncomfortable.

Janus took a deep breath as he looks at them. "You two are just idiots you know that?" Deceit could see how surprised and confused they were by his declaration. "I love you both, sure I'm more idiot for not confess before but I didn't want to this happen." As he points for them.

Remus looked worse than he had in years, and sure he was weird, but right now he just looked sad and broken. Virgil looked like a zombie as he wasn't able to properly sleep at that time, so he was half functioning.

"You know, we could be in a poly relationship. You two didn't need to have this time and be like that if you two just asked me before!" Janus was pissed at that, at least they had the decency to look embarrassed at that. "So here is what we are going to do, Remus will do his bed bigger enough to have us three comfortable, with enough blankets for being a sauna. We are going to sleep all cuddle. And later, when we wake up. We will talk more about this. Are we clear?"

Virgil and Remus looked confused at each other, but they ended up smiling because that was exactly what was missing. As they ended up doing exactly that.

Sure, Virgil and Remus were good for each other, but with Janus, they got perfect.

Janus was the third person to understand Virgil's need during some of the panics' day and stop Remus from triggering him more. Janus was also the person to help stop Remus from eating something too disturbing.

But more important, Virgil and Remus were the ones to give all the love and attention that Janus deserved, never letting him alone, give him all the warmth and caress the snake-like needed.

No relationship was perfect, but that one was enough to be a good balance and healthy.

#tsus challenge #Dukexiety #Anxceitmus #Virgil Sanders #Remus Sanders #Janus Sanders #TS Virgil Sanders #TS Remus Sanders #TS Janus Sanders #TS Anxiety #TS Dark Creativity #TS Deceit #fanfic

[clearlyshyobservation]

Kokichi is dying (V3 chatfic, no particular ship)

TW: Infers abuse, talks about ableism, neglect, panic attack pretty much, depression, self loathing. never being good enough

i am so sorry but vr au's need to be sad, love yall :)

(Background info: This is set in a vr au, they are not with their fake memory parents (Ie; kaito's kind grandparents) but rather why they really have)

(Also i have no fucking clue what ship i was going for???? pretty sure they are all on the table, and kokichi talks like an idiot in this and i love it. Gonta's writing is based off of his Japanese talking style, so no more caveman talking).

USERNAMES:

(Space monkey: Kaito, Detective pikachu: shuichi, Elton john: kaede, Antman: gonta, Mr. Gonstealyoman: korekiyo, Atua's bitch: angie, emoboi: ryoma, be-boop: kiibo, bread roll: Maki, cum dumpster: miu, mommy: kirumi, Gremlin: Kokichi)

TLDR: Chaos ensues, slight angst

Gremlin: omfg im fucking sicK im gonna fucking die i bet this was kaitos bitch ass fault for coughing on me with his tuberculosis headass gROSSSSS I HATE EVERYTHINGGG

Space Monkey: i-

Space monkey: I didn't get you sick dumbass,,,, my tb is fugckin cured bi-

Bread roll: he's dramatic and gross dont believe him

Gremlin: yall mean for what?

Gremlin: i have a life taking disease and yall laughing i- 

Gremlin: see you at my funeral bitch

Detective pikachu: What are you sick with then

Gremlin: anythong bitch, im the universe

Antman: He sounds delusional, thats not good

Detective pikachu: He's always delusional, he's Kokichi

Mr. gonstealyoman: I guess this name is better than my old one

Mr. gonstealyoman: thank you kokichi :) I am glad we have come to an understanding

Gremlin: kay sexy

Gremlin: IGNRE WHAT I JUST SENT

Gremlin: IGNORE IT IGNORE IT IGNORE ITTTTT

Antman: who was that for???

Gremlin: NO ONE,,, 

Gremlin: Okay,,, maybe sexy tall men in general lowkey

Gremlin: okay,,,, maybe anyone over 6 feet 

Detective pikachu: i feel excluded

Detective pikachu: good, i don't like you kokichi, your an ass

Gremlin: u sound jelly shumaiiiiii

be-boop: perhaps he is telling the truth, you know,

be-boop: according to my data, in chapter four Shuichi stated that you will never have friends, and no one will ever like you

Gremlin: SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP MAKING ME FEEL BADBSKVKHDVKDSKJV

Antman: do you need me to come over? I can make you tea?

mommy: Do you know how to do that, Gonta? I can teach you?

Antman: Gonta does know, thank you very much. 

Antman: Gonta is not a child, Tojo-chan, please don't regard me as one

Antman: Gonta can cook, can clean, can be gentle, and has his own mind

Space monkey: but we're just making sure man, cuz, you know,,,, chapter 4

Antman: I am capable of things just like you!!!!!

Antman: Gonta doesn't know why you guys treat me like a child :(

Gremlin: yeah, hot stuff over there is basically a prodigy homies

Antman: Gonta is dumb though, don't say that.

Antman: Gonta is no prodigy, in fact, he is below average in everything

Gremlin: Whats ur test scores bitch

Antman: Gonta got a 98 on my english test,, but i wanted a 100, which would make Gonta actually smart :( 

Antman: Gonta is not good enough to be friends with you all

Antman: I can do basic stuff like tojo said...

Antman: maybe i do need help?

Antman: im not sure anymore:((((

Gremlin: THEY ARE ABLEIST GONTA,,, THEY FEEL SUPERIOR FOR TREATING UUUUU LIKE A CHILD

Detective pikachu: You sound really delusional Kokichi, maybe you should get sleep

Gremlin: S T F U, IM SPITTING ST8 FACTS BITCH

Detective pikachu: Sure you are. Now get some rest. 

Gremlin: GRRRR WHY WONT YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU IDIOTS??

Bread roll: Cause your stupid and aggressive

Gremlin: your personality, basically?

Bread roll: shut up at least i have a boyfriend

Gremlin: Technically, you just stole my frienemy 

Gremlin: Yall do be avoiding each other doe

Space Monkey: WE ARE NOT

Gremlin: Yeah yeah

Gremlin: yesterday i saw you to enter the same cafe by accident, duck your heads, then sit across the cafe from each other, all while  avoiding eye contact

Gremlin: Soooo,,, things not going well in paradise?

Detective pikachu: you're nosy

Gremlin: says the literal detective 

Space monkey: everythings fine your just a dickkkk

Gremlin: "oooo! Im momo-chan, i say bad word and go brrrrr"

Space monkey: im going to fucking stab him 

Gremlin: You cant, ive already enslaved you with my chaotic, yet cute hijinks, havent i~

Space monkey: STOP STOP NO NOT THE SQUIGLY

Gremlin: is it the sex? WHY DONT YOU MAKE EYE CNOTACT WITH UR LADY NO MORE 

Space monkey: ITS NOT THE SEX I HATE YOU

Gremlin: im free by the way at 8 ;)

Bread roll: STOP trying to steal my boyfriend kokichi, ive told you this before

Bread roll: NO

Bread roll: BODY

Antman: Gonta interrupts to say, Gonta loves you kokichi, and we should get flowers together, than maybe we can prank some people :D 

Bread roll: Ive never wanted to stab you more, gonta

Gremlin: I'd enjoy that very much, fine fellow ;)

Gremlin: but idk,,,, can you like take care of me first, cuz IM SICK BECAUSE OF KAITO TUBERCULOSIS ASS

Space monkey: I DONT HAVE TB ANYMORE

Gremlin: SURE YOU DONT 

Space monkey: I DONT

Gremlin:  BUT GUESS WHAT

Gremlin: YOU STILL SMOKE DUMBASS AND THATS NOT GOOD FOR U OR YOUR TUBERCULOSIS

Detective pikachu: He smokes?

Atua's bitch: he does, i walked in on him in the bathroom lmao

Atua's bitch: he was scared shitless and threw it out the window, needless to say atua does nt approve

Gremlin: DO YOU EVEN HAVE THE VACCINE????

Space monkey: Uh,,, i was taught vaccines were bad, so no i don't have the vaccine

Gremlin: I HATE OLD PEOPLE

Gremlin: ABOLISH OLD PEOPLEEEE

Gremlin: THEY SPREAD MISINFORMATION AND IT PHISCALLY HURTS ME TO SEEEEEE

Space monkey: your dramatic, it cant be that bad

Gremlin: say that when you catch it again

Gremlin: i swear you coughed on me like,,,, 5 weeks ago tho

Antman: OOOO! Fun fact: Tuberculosis can lay dormant from 3 months to a few years! 

Space monkey: u guys are just trying to scare me

Bread roll: Just checked the chat after using the br and,,m YOUDONT HAVE YOU VACCINES???

Detective pikachu: Im sorry, but kaito, please,,,,, for the love of god get vaccines

Space monkey: alright alright, ill do it cuz you guys are all on my case and i don't like being the villain :(

Gremlin: Im so happy i have gonta with me rn, he is making me tea while yall rot in your distant ass relationship (THIS IS FOR YOU KAITO)

Space monkey: Im going to destroy your bloodline in about three seconds if you dont stfu right fucking now

Gremlin: Hhehe i have an inaprwopwiate joke uwu

emoboi: STOP PLEASE DEAR GOD

cum dumpster: wHAt Is iT YOU WHORE

Gremlin: i was gonna say wouldn't he need to like,,,, have sex with my family to weed out my bloodline or something??

cum dumpster: i-

cum dumpster: Why am i acting surprised, ive watched porn with more extravagant plots than this

cum dumpster: ie; are you guys FUCKING? RIGHT INFRONT OF MY SALAD??? is one i will cherish with my soul

emoboi: hehe why did she point out the salad

Space monkey: I hate u kokichi, i truly do

Gremlin: I bet if you got the chance u would kiss me space boy :P

Bread roll has left the chat

Space monkey: o god is she ddoing one of those bf loyalty tests or smthing???

Space monkey: now im nervous lmao

Gremlin: why you so nervous stupid~~~~

Gremlin: It not like ur cheating on her homie

Space monkey: It's just a placebo effect

Gremlin: My brain feels fried Momo-chan,, i don't understand big boy words right now

Space monkey: Basically, if you take a pill that doesn't do anything but you don't know that and believe it does, you will scientifically start to feel better

Gremlin: first and only time saying this, but thank you 

Space monkey: HEHEHEB YOU SAID THANK YOU YOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOU

Gremlin: Kaito,,, imma need you to do me a favor and look up on your ceiling

Space monkey: i hate you, idk what it is, but i hte you

Gremlin: good <3

Space monkey: HE REPLACED ALL MY THE STARS ON MY CELING WITH FUCKIBG DICKSSS

Space monkey: THIS IS THE LST FUCKING STRAW IM GONNA LOSE IT

Space monkey: IF MY GRANDPARENTS SEE THIS BULLSHIT THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME, SLAP ME, MAYBE BREAK MY NECK AND DESTROY MEE

Space monkey: Im GENUINLEY panicing HOW TF am i gona get this off my wal???? They are going to bbat me senselpess help me shUichi

Detective pikachu: o god, i can sense the sheer pain and scaredness in  that tet, 

Detective pikachu: are you for real gong to get hurt or are you pulling a kokichi?

Space monkey: FUCKING HELP ME IM NOT FUCKING JOKINGKABKCB HELP THEY ARE NOT HOME RN THEY ARE LIKEE,,,, 40 MINUTES AWAY PLEASEE 

Gremlin: okay,,, maybe this wasn't the best prank.,,, i guess i'll help clean up cuz im not that much of a sociopath

Gremlin: tbh my parents can go shove it too lowkey terrible 0/10 

Space monkey: AHHHH IM SO SCARED PLS PSL GET HERE FAST

be-boop: Of course, i will come, i will survey the outside of the house

Antman: Gonta is coming too! We will get this done in under 40 minutes!

Space monkey: OKAY

Gremlin: Lowkey, if i cough on you ignore it bitch your the one who made me like this

Space monkey: W HA TDONT COUGH ON ME IM NOT SICK ANYMORE

Gremlin: I will give you TB again just cuz your making me suffer

Space monkey: Suffer what??? putting dicks on my FUCKING WALL???

Gremlin: Guilt, idiot, im feeling guilty. 

cum dumpster: oof thats new

emoboi: yeah i wasn't expecting it

Mr.gonstealyoman: Me neither. It is rather peculiar seeing it being texted by him because he is always feels not guilty of his bad actions.

be-boop: I do believe he means it, though...

emoboi: impossible.

cum dumpster: i agree, literally impossible.

Gremlin: I HAVE A FUCKIBG SOUL YOU CRazY CONSPIRACISTS

Antman: Quick question, shuichi can i stay with you again? It'll be dark when i get home and gonta can't do that so,,, please help

Detective pikachu: my parents are like blank slates, who eat slowly, watch tv slowly, and never look at me. Im sure they wouldn't mind :P

Antman: ALRIGHT! :D LETS GET MISSION: MR. MOMOTA ROOM REPAIR DONE!

Gremlin: ooo! I like the name! IM INNNN! 

Detective pikachu: On it!

be-boop: Ready for look out!

Space monkey: I love you guys :)

AN: Im lowkey sorry i ended this chaotic mess with angst,,,, but like fr i love it i love angst,, i hate reading it but love writing it

#kokichiouma #oumota #Ougoku #chat fic #kaito momota #kiibo #miu iruma #gonta gokuhara #ryoma #angie #shuichi saihara #vr au #kirumi #maki harukawa #korekiyo #danganronpav3 #danganronpa #grossness

[lexieelouuu11]

HC: Peter Parker didn’t know he was Bi until Harley Keener

So this took a turn I wasn’t expecting, also it’s a lot longer than I was expecting I’m sorry also Idk how to do the cut thing so my bad  

 TW: Mentions of Rape

Okay so Peter Parker is *Straight*

He likes girls, really likes girls

He literally went on a date with Liz (it may have ended with her moving away bc he put her dad in jail but that’s besides the point)

And he may have had a brief crush on MJ 

So Peter Parker is *Straight*

Boys are gross, and trust Peter he knows

He doesn’t ever want to think of men in a sexual matter

He 10/10 supports anyone who comes out to him 

But anytime he thinks about how boys could possibly be into him, his brain immediately goes to Skip Wescott 

And how Peter was 9 when it started and that he never wants to be in a position like that again

It was horrible and scary, and Peter Parker likes women and only women, and he will never be anyone’s Skip. And he will never put himself in a position where there can be another Skip.

So Peter Parker thinks men suck. 

(Obviously beside Ned and Mr Stark, they’re cool, but Peter has known Ned forever and Mr Stark is literally a super hero, and Peter only became such a huge fan of Iron Man and Tony Stark because of what happened)

His therapist tells him it was his way of coping with what happened 

Then one day Happy picks Peter up at school on an non-lab day because Mr. Stark has someone that he wants Peter to meet

Peter really hopes its the Black Widow (because they’re both spider themed heroes !! how cool !!!)

Peter meets Mr Stark and this mystery person in the living room

Mr Stark introduces Peter Parker to Harley Keener

Harley Keener looks hot good, hes tall and wears a leather jacket and cowboy boots with skinny jeans. He looks so out of place, but he doesn’t look bothered by it either

Peters heart skips a beat, but Peter chalks it up to be anxiety 

“Hey there Peter, I’m Harley”

Oh my god he has an accent, an actual southern accent

And doesn’t that just make Peters heart race 

“Tony here tells me you’re a real Einstein” He laughed

Harley laughed. Peter is not laughing

Peter hears his blood rushing, and feels himself go cold. His spidey-sense is just going off

Peter looks to Mr Stark whose smile falters at the look of pure-fear on Peters face

Mr Stark doesn’t know. Peter never told him. Any files about what happened never include Peters name, or any family members name, so Mr Stark wouldn’t have stumbled on it, unless he went into Peter’s Therapists notes, which he hasn’t because he may be nosy but he isn’t invasive 

Peter knows what this is, he knows he’s going into a panic attack. He was triggered and he needs to get out. Out out out before anything can happen

“So-sorry, I’ve gotta, I gotta go, something came up wi-with May. It was um, it was nice meeting you Harley.”

Peter left, and made it back home, though he doesn’t remember how he made it from Manhattan to Queens and into his apartment.

He’s home and it’s not the safest place, can’t go into his bedroom but it’s better than there

Tony beat him to the apartment (without Harley), already sitting with May when Peter walks in

May is quick to give Peter his favourite over-sized sweater (it makes him feel safe) sitting him down in the living room, putting a knit blanket over him, and giving a bottle of water. 

“Pete, you okay kid?” Mr Stark asks 

And Peter is fine, he always has been, so he nods 

“Do you want to talk about why you were triggered into a panic attack” His voice is soft as he speaks to Peter, like Peter would break

May sits next to Peter, pulling him into her 

“Adrian Toomes was not the first person Spider-Man sent to jail” Peter started the story like this because it was easier to tell it, his therapist may not be happy with it but she’ll be happy he’s making progress by telling some

“Spider-Man was 11 when he sent his first person to jail. It was a year long trial, one kid versus one 18 year old. He used to call Spider-Man, Einstein”

Peter seemed to be done with his explanation after this, deeming it enough information for Tony to understand what happened

It wasn’t 

But May sending a text that said “Search Skip Wescott” gave Tony the opportunity to find out what happened later 

(Tony is really pissed when he reads what happens, and makes sure Skip get transferred to worst prison and that he can never leave)

“Okay, Pete, I’ll talk to Harley about not calling you that. But Harley will be going to the same school as you, okay? That’s why I wanted you two to meet.”

After that first night Peter goes back to being his usual chipper self

And Harley starts at Midtown 

Peter was just rounding the corner outside of the school to see Harley getting dropped off by Happy

After a moment of hesitation Peter went up to Harley and offered to help him on his first day (because Peter will not let his overwhelming fear take over and he will be friendly for the sake of Mr Stark and that is all)

Despite Peter’s uneasiness and distrust Peter and Harley get on like a house on fire

Peter started to feel really close to Harley, and Harley would often throw his arm around Peter’s shoulder and call him things like sugar, or sweet thing or darling

And Peter liked that a lot, except he didn’t because it was weird (but he really did)

And Peter would always go tomato red whenever Harley was around

Even Ned and MJ recognized the crush Peter had on Harley and vice versa

“Dude when are you going to make a move on him?”

“What the fuck, Ned? I’m straight, Harley and I are friends”

“Peter are you being serious right now? You both obviously have a crush on each other. Harley knows you like him too.”

“The fuck MJ, I expected you to be more understanding about this. We are friends. Maybe I come off as gay to you because I choose to respect people and am not the exact definition of a ‘toxic male,’ but I don’t fucking like you guy assuming that I like men. Men ain’t shit and I’m not going to find myself in another situation like I used too. I like women”

“What’s your issue Peter? You homophobic now? Didn’t peg you as that.”

“Fuck MJ, this isn’t your business. I’m an ally, people love who they love, but I don’t like men, and you need to stop pushing that on me. I have my reasons, you have yours.”

“Peter, the way you’re going off on MJ isn’t really helping your point much-”

“Would the two of you just shut up about this. I don’t like other guys. Women are it for me. I will not be stuck under another man. Fuck, I’m straight and you need to stop pushing the idea that I’m into Harley just because you want me to live out your little fantasies of what my life should be like.”

Peter didn’t talk to them the rest of the day. Not because he was angry but because he was embarrassed that he said too much 

At the tower Peter and Harley were cuddled together sitting next to each other watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine and talking

Peter really loved Harley’s Blue eyes

And his accent

And his face

And Harley in general

But totally only in a friends way

They’re bros

“I want to try something real quick, you can tell me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think I am” 

And then Harley kisses Peter

Harley Kisses him

And Peter freaks out

Without even thinking about it, Peter pushes Harley off of him and bolts, leaving the tower without his phone, shoes or bag, Peter just leaves

Once Peter gets outside he throws up, before his anxiety takes over again and he just runs and runs and runs

Harley is left now sitting on the ground, tears in his eyes, confused and hurt about what just happened

Tony makes it to Harley in record time thanks to Friday, and without a question Harley explains what happened

“I thought he liked me too, Tony, I really did. I don’t know how I messed up this bad.”

“I’m sorry Harls, Peter has been hurt a lot and I just don’t think he was ready yet emotionally for a relationship.”

Tony knows that Peter has probably just been triggered. He’s only heard Peter talk about girls romantically, never boys, but he was sure that Peter and Harley were going to be together at some point

Once Harley finally calms down enough and goes to his room Tony calls May

“May, is Peter with you, he left all his stuff here.”

“No, I thought he was staying with you tonight. what happened?”

“Harley kissed Pete, and he freaked out and ran out without any of his stuff, I was hoping he was with you. His phone is here too.”

“I think I know where he is, College Point Park. Ben and I used to take him there after any court date.”

“I’ll meet you there.”

“What about Harley?”

“He’s already asleep, I’ll meet you there.”

Tony and May get there in record time, finding Peter sitting on the rocks facing the East River.

“Peter?” May called out.

Peter turned around, his face clearly red, tears streaming down his face.

“I don’t understand” Peter finally said as May and Tony got close enough

“What don’t you understand?” Tony asked

“Harley kissed me. He kissed me. I expected to hate it. But I didn’t. I liked it when he kissed me. I should hate it though. He’s a boy. I shouldn’t have liked it.”

“Peter it’s okay if you liked Harley Kissing you, and it’s okay if you like him romantically too” May tried to comfort

“But it’s not May, because if I like Harley, and I like him kissing me then that means that I liked it when Skip kissed me. And I didn’t like anything he did to me.”

“Peter, I like when Pepper and I kiss, but that doesn’t mean that if May were to kiss me that I’d like it. Same thing goes for you kiddo.”

“I like girls though. I can’t like Harley.”

“You can like both boys and girls. You could be Bisexual or maybe not. No matter what it’s okay.” May said again.

“I need time. I can’t- I need Dr Rosenburg and I need to not be Spider-Man and I need to not see Harley or Ned or MJ. I need time.”

“Okay baby, you can have as much time as you need.” 

Peter ends up taking a week off of school, with daily appointments with his therapist. He went completely ghost mode. Wasn’t active as Spider-Man, wasn’t active on social media. Didn’t read or respond to anyone’s messages. Only talking to May or Tony and only if they were at the apartment.

After his week off, Peter finally reappeared at school, still having not responded to anyone’s messages, preferring to just deal with things in person.

“Peter oh my god you’re alive we all thought you died.” Ned shouted from down the hall going to greet his friend, MJ and Harley in tow.

“I’m fine guys, I just had some stuff from the past come back up that needed to be dealt with before I did anything that would hurt other people.”

“What are you talking about Parker, you wouldn’t hurt a fly let alone anyone else.” MJ said confused

“I’ll tell you when I’m ready too but I’m not there yet. My therapist thinks I made good progress this week though.”

“Your therapist?” Ned asked.

“Uh yeah, sorry. MJ, Ned, I really messed up with how I treated you guys the other day, regarding my sexuality, turns out I may of been wrong and you guys were right, I just repressed any of those emotions due to trauma. So, I’m sorry you didn’t deserve that.”

Ned and MJ obviously forgive Peter bc duh they’re friends

“I would like to talk to Harley privately though, so you guys wouldn’t mind?”

So Peter pulls Harley to the side finally getting the chance to talk to him, and wanted to say his words before he lost his nerves.

“Peter I’m sorry-”

“I liked when you kissed me. That’s why I freaked out. I didn’t think it was possible for me to like that, or men. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I wasn’t prepared and my brain automatically went to a dark place. I like you Harley Keener, but I have problems and I want you to be aware of that before we do anything.”

“Okay.”

“If we are going to try this I need you to be aware of my limits. I have a lot of them apparently, and I’m not sure if more will come up or not, but my therapist said that I should talk to you about this stuff before we do anything. If you still like me, that is.”

“Peter Parker you are too precious, of course I still like you, I don’t plan on not liking you for a while yet.”

And then Peter smiles and he feels relieved, because getting to this point took a lot of work and now he’s here and he likes a boy who likes him back who won’t hurt him

#parkner #parley #peter parker #peterparker #harleykeener #harley keener #bi peter parker #bi peter #irondad #spiderson #insecure #skipwescott #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #mcu

[devilsskettle]

(^^^ from howling (and bleeding) at the moon: menstruation, monstrosity and the double in the ginger snaps werewolf trilogy by erin m. flaherty) 

tw for discussion of suicide ideation

okay. so. i agree with the “doppelgänger narrative” idea but the idea that brigitte “[comes] to stand for the symbolic order she resists so enthusiastically at the start of the film” is, in my reading of the ending, a misinterpretation of what ginger’s “monstrosity” signifies in the film. flaherty’s reading follows a common structure of creature features in which the monstrous transgresses social norms, so the overarching conflict is the “other” vs. normalcy. in that case, killing the monster at the end is a return to normal and reinforces societal expectations. however, i don’t think that ginger snaps is actually that kind of story. at the beginning, both ginger and brigitte “resist so enthusiastically” being part of society to the point of rejecting life, becoming isolated and codependent. before ginger gets her period, brigitte tells her that she better not become basic like all the other kids at their school, but she leaves her behind pretty quickly once she becomes interested in teen society sex drugs and rock n roll and is more accepted by her peers. brigitte continues not to give a fuck about what anyone thinks of her, even though ginger is part of that world now and not their own. part of ginger’s transformation actually helps her gain social acceptance - she is now part of the “symbolic order” even as she transgresses it. i’m not saying her transformation doesn’t transgress this order, or that she gains the acceptance of everyone at her school - trina in particular certainly isn’t a fan - but especially at the beginning, the changes that she undergoes is perceived as her becoming a “normal” teenage girl instead of the freaky death-obsessed kid ostracized by her classmates. 

i would argue that ginger’s transformation makes her both super- and unfeminine - super-feminine in the sense that all the side effects of puberty for people with uteruses (menstruation, body hair/shaving, developing new body parts, hormones/mood swings, and awareness of sexuality/being sexually active) are exaggerated during her transformation - and a lot of these symptoms are ways in which a woman’s body is policed or found unacceptable or gross; unfeminine in the sense that, first of all, she’s becoming inhuman and gender is a very human concept, and second of all, she still doesn’t fit the mold of female expectation (i.e. shaving, dressing a certain way, being demure or nurturing, not being overconfident, not being a slut OR not being a prude, not having physical strength, etc). flaherty does make this argument via david j. hogan’s dark romance: sexuality and the horror film: “in complete confrontation with the classic view of the werewolf as ‘masculinity carried to an outrageous extreme,’ the werewolf is actually aligned with femininity carried to an extreme,” an idea that i think works really well in discussion of ginger snaps in particular. she also rejects the identity of “girl” several times - “wrists are for girls, i’m slitting my throat,” yelling at brigitte and saying she’s “just a stupid little girl” - and disparagingly points out the difference between the expectations for male and female sexuality - “he got laid, i’m just a lay.” so.... i definitely do get the interpretation of ginger’s death to have a kind of punitive logic for transgressing gendered expectations in these two different ways, but i think that’s a meta-criticism on the part of the writers, not the role that brigitte fills (for a movie that rejects the “death by morality call” of hollywood monster movies, they really did still punish her narratively for moral transgressions lmao - like flaherty says, “it appears that as subversive as the ginger snaps films are in respect to the werewolf narrative, they also reflect a deep cultural ambivalence about female identity. there is no option offered to ginger or brigitte, and due tot heir unwillingness to accept the roles predetermined for them in the society in which they live, they must be punished”). honestly i think i am nitpicking a little bit because i guess i do ultimately agree with flaherty that the story follows a normalcy > otherness > return to normalcy pattern with gendered ideas of what normalcy is, and where she loses me is her interpretation of brigitte and ginger’s social standing. to me, ginger seems really frustrated trying to navigate gender roles and her own position in society - but she is engaging with society.

you know who’s still not engaging with society? brigitte. she isn’t part of that “normalcy” at all, so to me, her rejection of the lycanthropy that ginger embraces signifies less that she sides with the social order and wants to reinforce normalcy, and more that she did a lot of growing up over the course of this movie as well, in a different direction than ginger did, and she reclaims her agency as well as her will to live. i feel like the monstrosity vs. normalcy framework ignores the fact that both ginger and brigitte are actively suicidal at the beginning of the movie - the first shot we get of ginger is her holding a knife to her wrist. at the beginning, brigitte hesitantly agrees to their suicide pact despite her obvious reservations. at the end, she strongly asserts, “i’m not dying in this room with you. i’m not dying.” so if we consider ginger’s mimetic role for brigitte, killing her isn’t reestablishing the social norm, it’s rejecting her own destructive and suicidal tendencies. i think her narrative arc teaches her: 1) how to make her own decisions separate from ginger and have agency in her own life, 2) recognition of her mother’s feelings of estrangement from her family, 3) how to connect with other people in a way that isn’t codependent, 4) rejection of suicide ideation. all of these lessons are ways of treating yourself and others with respect, compassion, and understanding - even though brigitte doesn’t change dramatically, magically becoming a saccharinely nice person or a social butterfly. she maintains her isolation and personality much more than ginger does over the course of the film. while at the beginning their fascination with their own deaths “not only demonstrates the duo’s disgust at the banality of their suburban surroundings, it also proclaims their self-stylized exclusion from the heterosexually fueled dynamics of the teen scene” (via menstrual monsters: the reception of the ginger snaps cult horror franchise), it’s ginger, not brigitte, who ends up participating in this “compulsive heterosexing high school culture,” where brigitte’s choice to not commit suicide isn’t her opting into this culture, but attempting to find a less destructive way of escaping or coping with it. 

flaherty argues that because brigitte’s first period is never discussed in the films, “she remains a child and therefore is unable to understand the true restrictiveness of woman as Other, what leads ginger to eventually embrace and enjoy her monstrosity,” but in unleashed, a fair amount of time has passed and i think it’s fair to say that brigitte no longer seems child-like (that role is assumed by ghost), and also she starts experiencing the same kind of monstrous sexuality as ginger did in the first movie - i think it misrepresents her characterization in the sequel to say that she maintains “child” status. i also think it’s not relevant to try to distinguish between “girl” and “woman” in terms of the monstrous-feminine. she still experiences alienation and otherness because she’s female and transgresses gender roles. so.... i don’t know. it’s a weird argument to make, especially since, like i said before, i consider this story a kind of coming of age for both sisters. “lycanthropy and femaleness” are not “ultimately unknowable” to her because.... she does become a werewolf over the course of both movies and she’s already female (like..... getting your period doesn’t magically make you a Real Woman lol)

i also think it’s significant that as a stand-alone movie (ignoring the sequel, which is worth watching but seriously bleak as hell) the ending is tragic but tacitly hopeful as well - as far as we know at that point brigitte has the cure (which actually works!) and is not going to kill herself. in her final confrontation with ginger, she has the cure in one hand and a knife in the other hand, and i think that nicely represents the choice that is hanging over her head the entire movie: choosing to live or choosing to die. (flaherty calls this “a telling moment of double phallic-appropriation” which..... meh. okay. not every weapon/tool used in a horror movie has to be a phallic symbol but also, sure, whatever. that’s one way to read it i guess). ginger made her decision at the very beginning of the movie 

this quote by karen walton expresses this interpretation really well:

The two sisters had this childhood bond with their pact. These two sisters were also best friends who created a bubble for themselves and took strength from each other, nourished and informed each other for a long time; but the film is not just the story of Ginger turning into a monster. It is also a story about Brigitte surviving her sister who is on a death spiral. Ginger's is a story of self-destruction. But where people get confused is that they think Ginger is the hero, but the film is really about a sister who survives a sister, who survives a best friend. An intimate relationship that becomes unhealthy and deadly.

and i’ve talked a little bit about why i feel uncomfortable with attaching a ~*girl power*~ narrative to ginger so i won’t get to much into that but i have some thoughts about that here 

also i’ve said a little bit about this before and i am basically copy/pasting from a post i already made but with a doppelgänger story like this, especially with a focus on women and madness, to me it immediately brings to mind jane eyre. i am thinking in terms of the mimetic function of jane/bertha and brigitte/ginger, with the repressed emotions and desires of the protagonist coming through in the actions of the “madwoman” character. especially brigitte’s assertion of “now i am you” when she voluntarily lets ginger turn her into a werewolf. the “madwoman” is portrayed as bestial, hypersexual, intemperate with substances, jealous, vengeful, as well as dealing with extreme anger toward confinement (ginger’s panic at getting locked up and her escape and weaponized sexuality brand of revenge is so similar to bertha like. trying to burn rochester alive and biting her brother badly enough that he passes out and other shit like that). but ALSO the other women in jane eyre have a mimetic function as well, where they can be read as potential paths for jane to follow (these choices generally can be summarized as dead or married). i think ginger snaps can be read the same way - ginger, trina, and her mother are the models of womanhood brigitte is presented with, and she is repeatedly told that what’s happening to ginger is normal, that all women experience that, and soon she will too. like the women in jane eyre, they’re models of femininity that she rejects but has to navigate because there are no other models for her. these three characters are either killed (directly or indirectly) or abandoned by her by the end of the movie. it’s actually ginger who defines the roles that women are cast into: “a slut, a bitch, a tease, or the virgin next door.” this is similar the female archetypes that jane has to navigate (and resist) throughout jane eyre. anyway this is a really roundabout way of saying that although brigitte does reject her worldview from the beginning of the movie, she doesn’t accept social order and normalcy. she doesn’t fall into any easily defined category. which is the point - “no one thinks girls do fucked up shit” but of course they do, no one thinks they can be more complex than these categories but of course they are, no one entertains the possibility that brigitte isn’t going to follow some made up universal experience of girlhood but she resists that through the end of the movie. she’s still a total weirdo <3

so yeah, i will also disagree with the assertion that both sisters lose their identities, because while i think there is a loss or a shift of identity in both ginger and brigitte, like flaherty argues, part of brigitte’s narrative arc is figuring out who she is without her dependence on her sister. brigitte saying “now i am you” feels less about loss of identity to me than actually identifying herself with the traits she sees (or used to see) in ginger - where ginger’s response (“i know you are, but what am i?”) indicates actual loss of identity rather than something transitory 

oh and also one of the main claims of this paper is that the male werewolf’s source of pain is beyond the “lifetime of morning-afters where he must confront the previous night’s excess,” and is really his “bodily alignment with another ungraspable Other, the woman” which 1) i don’t think follows the definition of the Other she establishes earlier in the paper as something that is repressed in a self or society - this use of “otherness” seems more about alignment with something different than his own identity and less about the jekyll and hyde comparison she evokes with the expression of a repressed self (imo i don’t think she should’ve used that story to support her argument since it isn’t actually about werewolves, even though i get her point about the repressed self, it’s kind of irrelevant to her argument), 2) brigitte in the first movie doesn’t seem repressed to me - she genuinely doesn’t seem to have the same impulses as ginger does and it’s not until the sequel that she actively is attempting to repress the changes that are happening to her; however, since the paper does concern the whole trilogy, i think the point is still valid, but there’s such a heavy focus on the first movie that i feel the need to dispute that interpretation of her character arc, and 3) i don’t think this interpretation really lines up with classic werewolf movies - there’s nothing particularly feminine about your standard werewolf except arguably the cyclical alignment with the moon that ginger snaps uses as a menstruation metaphor, but like. for example. i would never watch an american werewolf in london and think, “oh, his distress isn’t actually about killing innocent people, loss of control, loss of sanity, guilt and mourning because of the death of his friend, a predetermined fate, and suicide, it’s about him being female-coded” or something. like, yes, “the tragedy of the male werewolf is believed to lie exclusively in the deep anguish he feels in violating the very societal boundaries he has come to live under” and it’s interesting to dig deeper into that in terms of gender and sexuality, but i don’t think femaleness is inherent in the distress of the male werewolf - of course this is true in ginger snaps (with jason’s transformation being particularly distressing to him because it mirrors menstruation). the assertion that the classic werewolf “bleeds uncontrollably until his transformation is complete” similarly seems unfounded to me because i’ve never seen that in werewolf movies and she doesn’t cite where she finds that symptom of the transformation - maybe i am missing something there? if anyone knows of a depiction where that’s the case let me know, because that’s definitely a stronger argument for werewolves = menstruation-coded.

and re: the quote i cited earlier about werewolves = femininity taken to the extreme: i don’t think that argument holds true in the classic depiction/cultural perception of the werewolf. i think this post makes a more supportable (and concise) argument:

There are hardly any female werewolves because they break all the classic rules of femininity. They force you to confront female violence, strength, size, grotesqueness and uncontrollability. Historically female shapeshifters always shift into something dangerous (snake) or sleek (cat) or dainty (bird) but female werewolves ignore the masculine gaze completely. They're distorted beasts that have no ulterior motive except to destroy. Nothing about them is nurturing or modest. They're the opposite of what a woman "should be." Their omission from pop culture is not an accident.

all that being said, i did enjoy this article, especially starting at the section titled “wrists are for girls; i’m slitting my throat:” ginger fitzgerald’s monstrosity and all the stuff about ginger’s transformation as a reflection of "monstrosity” as a teenage girl, and suburban landscape of repression. one description of brigitte’s conflict that i actually really like: “unlike the male werewolf’s double, brigitte yearns not for the eradication of her other half but for the reconciliation.” i think it’s a really interesting read, even if i don’t agree with a lot of it. and maybe i’m way off base? maybe i’m interpreting brigitte as a character too generously? let me know what you guys think 

#ginger snaps #hell is a teenage girl #anyway..... i've got some opinions #i have no outlet for ranting about ginger snaps OR jane eyre anymore so just.... bear with me #suicide tw #long post

[do-not-eat-the-dove]

I need to write this, I need to write this because I am so fucking angry. I am so, so fucking angry, and every problematic shipper I want you to read this. Read it, all the way through, because if you don’t then you are ignoring children you might have harmed.

Tw’s for: beastiality mention, sexual abuse mention, paedophilia mention, typical darkfic trigger warnings in essential

When I was nine, I moved into the Aphmau fandom. Earlier than that, I was an avid reader of Harry potter. Earlier than that, I was into stampy cat and iballisticsquid and skydoesminecraft. I have been in fandoms earlier than my body can remember, and I started in on wattpad when I was very, very young. Just writing, only writing. I had a vague understanding of what sex and smut was as a child, because of unmoderated youtube thumbnails. I ran into sexual themes online, because that is what a child does okay? I will admit that I knew about sex as a child if only barely.

As a kid in fandom, you don't know how to moderate things. As a literal fucking elementary schooler who doesn’t know how to differentiate “Their” “They’re” and “There”, you do not know the difference between right and wrong. You do not understand what an 18+ warning is, and you don’t know what the fuck a dead dove is and why anyone would want to eat it in the first place. You do not understand, and i think that this is something that problematic content creators expect of literal fucking children, and i also think that it is extremely irrational and condescending for you to do so.

When I was a bit older, maybe twelve/thirteen, I found ao3. I found twitter, tumblr, bnha and anime. I was excited because it was a community, so I became super involved as fast as I could. I had still not hit puberty yet. I hadn’t even learned the pythagorean theorem yet. I didn’t entirely understand variables and I had no clue that washing your face was basic hygiene. I am bringing this up to display to you that I. WAS. A. CHILD. A kid. Five years ago at this point I still had trouble jump-roping. I was a kid who had average decision-making skills for their age and who found the idea of boys gross, crushes were based on who was fastest in gym class.

I let go of tumblr because I couldn’t grasp what on earth it was supposed to be used for and how it was supposed to be used, I posted shitty depressed memes on reddit because I thought I was edgy. And then I got involved in fandom twitter.

Me, my friends, we recommended each other cute ship threads and discussed Notps and did “toxic fandom stuff” because we were children who still celebrated valentines day with sweet-tarts and holographic paper cards. I still knew jack shit about sex and relationships because as a child sex education is just “this is a penis, this is a vagina, this is how you don’t get pregnant, any questions?” 

So when one day, i decide to type “BNHA” into the search bar of twitter, intent on finding cute things to share with my online friends and instead am greeted with a picture of a character raping another character, I don’t know exactly what to do.

Let me repeat that; I looked up JUST the word “BNHA”. Just that. Nothing else. 

And I, a child, who has no decision making skills, clicks on the post. Because it makes me feel funny, and children are curious.

As a middle schooler. As a child who had the average physical and mental capacity to resist impulse, aka none, as someone who used Uwu and OwO unironically, who thought spelling “as” with a Z made me quirky and fun, discovered a main-tagged post of a character being nsfwed in a sexual assault.

From here, I explored. What you people don’t get is that is what children do. That is what children DO. And you, in all your wonderful wise ways, decide that it is on ME. On someone who had no understanding of what this was, to be the adult and say “I do not think this is right.” You, the thirty year old woman who maintags, are saying that to me, who was a twelve year old. 

I think the most traumatic thing I read during that time was an aged-down character, who went from fifteen to five, being sexually abused and pimped out by his mother and forced to have sexual contact with dogs.

Today, I suffer from intense intrusive thoughts that I do not think I need to be diagnosed for, because constantly wondering if you’re going to be sexually assaulted by every single man you come in contact with, having to shoo away evil disgusting thoughts that have made you involuntarily gag and nearly vomit, having to deal with these awful things in my brain is proof enough. Today, I have such a deep-rooted fear of sex and men and relationships that despite me being entirely Heterosexual, wanting children in the future, having these ideas of a family, I feel incapable. 

Today, I saw a fic saying that it was my own fault if I found their problematic fic, and today I raged for every child that is going to be messed up by people who choose to blameshift just because they want to use maintags. 

As fandom spaces get younger, and the fan age range grows bigger I have noticed a distinct uptick in who is reading and consuming fan content on social media. I know eleven year olds, ten year olds, I have met a nine year old child who messaged like they were twenty. All of these children read fanfiction of characters that they adore, and click on fics that include those characters because they adore them.

I’m going to share another experience that I’ve had with sex and sexual abuse that was self-inflicted, but normalized by the content that I had consumed. As a child, a thirteen year old, I messaged adult men. I went on omegle text chat, I found forums for sexual roleplay, I talked to probably a dozen adults in sexual manners without them knowing or realizing. Even a few women, and I am completely certain this experience is going to scar me until the day that I fucking pass. It makes me feel empty inside, but you know what? Your fics normalized that for me. I read a tweet from an adult, someone much older than me, who talked about having gone into adult spaces as a child. They did the same thing as me. It is a trend, but while I recognize that I was too young to know what I was seeing, reading, hearing from people who were older than me and therefore authority figures, they blamed themself. And that is the most heartbreaking fucking thing.

When you maintag. When you use a main tag, that a child who does not know how to filter out scrolls down on, and they decide that this will be an okay thing for them to consume because adults know better, will you look them in the eyes and tell them the fear of things they don’t understand and haven’t even been introduced to yet is their fault? Will you tell them that ao3 is an adult site for adults and it’s their fault for being stupid enough to read it? Will you tell them that the images that will play in their minds for years until they’re desensitized and so so scared that they’re now a bad person because of it, will you tell them that it was their fault for clicking on it when they were seven, eight, nine? 

Frankly, I do not give a shit about what you write. If it is in rpf and you still push it i will think you are a bad person, but other than that I could never care less. But I do care what you tag, because If you write the word bnha on twitter with an image of a young child's favorite character being sexually brutalised? If you maintag a fic where someone is starved till they are nearly dead, infantilised, sexually abused during all of it, and leave it out in the open on a site you know has children, in a fandom you know is targeted towards kids. If your tags leave a child open for attack, harm, mental scarring? I care, because I will not let another child be blamed for something they themselves did not fully understand the weight of.

#fandom #anti anti #problematic authors #problematic shipping #ao3 #archive of our own #tw #tumblr #fanfic #fandom space #I have never talked about these experiences with anyone but if there is a time to talk about it it is now.

[hteragram-x]

Firefighter AU [again]

New story for the AU. This time about Virgil wondering who the hell is Logan. Also, apparently, Virgil’s main personality trait in this universe is thinking that Remus is very pretty and then being like: “hey! who said that?!”.

If it’s the first time you see this AU I think you can still understand what’s going on without reading older posts, but in case you’re interested: [HERE] is the introduction, [HERE] are some general HCs, over [THERE] you can find a story where Remus and Virgil met for the first time, and [HERE] is previous story :>

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Word count: 2240

Relationships: technically Dukexiety, but they’re not there yet; Creativitwins

TW: mentions of fire (what a surprise), small injury, mentions of blood, some animal bones, swearing (because I’m mentally 12 and think that swearwords are fucking hilarious)

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-

Because Logan Said So

             Over the last four months Virgil has learnt a lot about his new co-workers. Not every information he managed to gather was particularly interesting or even worth remembering, but having that knowledge helped with making the new workplace more familiar. And familiarity brought comfort.

           He learnt, for example, that their janitor – Jeremy – was the most grumpy and easily annoyed person in the entire firehouse despite being the youngest janitor Virgil has ever met. It was relatively easy to avoid him most of the time, but if he wanted everyone to know about his problems with something you would be informed that he’s unhappy regardless of your own involvement, or lack thereof, in the situation.

           Virgil also learnt that Anna was pretty helpful when it came to failing equipment and technology. They weren’t employed to do the repairs, but it didn’t stop them from trying to fix everything anyway. The guy with very short hair, whose name Virgil could never remember, was leaving his helmet in unexpected places and had three kids that he talked about all the time. Alex was often late, but always stayed at work longer than anyone. And that one girl everyone called Apple for some unknown reason was currently building a house and you couldn’t escape hearing about it, no matter how much you didn’t want to at the moment.

           Talking to Virgil about issues he wasn’t that interested in seemed to be the common thing among most of his co-workers.

           Pretty standard stuff. Nothing out of the ordinary.

           What was also not out of ordinary was the bird skull lying on his desk this Tuesday.

           “Remus! Is this a gift or are you just leaving your stuff all over the office again!?”, he half-yelled knowing that the younger twin had to be somewhere in the building at this hour. Not that he memorized his schedule or something. He just knew…

           Suddenly a head with a mass of unkempt hair and spider webs on top of it popped from under his desk. It was not the first time Remus was staying there, but Virgil still winced seeing the man crawling from the tiny space. It cannot be comfortable, he though for probably fifteenth time.

           “There’s no way it’s comfortable in there,” he pointed out, also for fifteenth time.

           “It isn’t”, Remus said, like he always did and smiled, stretching his long arms above his head. Even without his shoes – he always walked around the office in just his socks, because of course he did – he was still much taller than Virgil which somehow managed to fluster him more every time he noticed the difference.

           Virgil decided to ignore the futile argument instead pointing at the skull and a couple of sticks he’s just noticed next to his computer.

           “Can you keep your mess out of my desk?”

           “You didn’t even say ‘hi’ to me today”, Remus pouted.

           “I’ll say ‘hi’ when you take your stuff from my space,” he sighed.

           Remus groaned, his arms hanging loosely at his sides in resignation.

           “God… you sound like Logan.”

           A-ha! There he is. This mysterious “Logan”, whoever he was.

           Over the last four months Virgil has learnt a lot about his new co-workers. But no other person was as interesting and worth knowing as Remus himself. The number of weird quirks Virgil has memorized about the guy was unmatched by any other person working at the firehouse which was in no way a surprising score given the circumstances in which they’ve met.

           He was weird in so many ways that it almost seemed normal again. And according to Roman he used to be even more chaotic and unpredictable when the twins were younger. At first Virgil was pretty nervous around the guy – with all of his jokes about violence or with his creepy staring – but now this… interesting behaviour became just a normal and entirely expected part of his days.

           If Remus run into the room and didn’t stop until he hit the wall… fine. Virgil just checked if the guy was okay and went back to work. If he bit the bar of soap… also fine. You just had to make sure he didn’t swallow it all and forget about it for the rest of your day. When he left some of his most disturbing sketches on the fridge, you just commented on his skills as an artist or flipped them, so the picture was facing the door of the fringe, if the drawing was particularly disgusting.

           A standard day with Remus.

           Apparently talking about some “Logan” that no one ever met was also a standard part of his character. And Virgil was very annoyed at himself knowing how jealous he sometimes felt because of this mysterious guy. The jealousy, however, seemed to weaken a bit when he realized that Roman was also bringing the name up almost every day. It started to sound like an inside joke that Virgil was too nervous to ask about.

           “Okay! Your desk’s just as clean as my legs yesterday when I jumped into the river to find a shiny stone, but it was a broken bottle, so I got glass stuck in my hand!” Remus smiled even wider, showing a little too many teeth and lifting his palm with three fingers covered in bandages.

           Virgil pinched the bridge of his nose.

           “Why do you have zero self-control?”, he asked, very much aware that the question was pointless.

           No one knew. And if someone did know, it definitely wasn’t Remus.

           “Sounds like a question Logan would ask”, said Roman who has just appeared out of nowhere behind Virgil. The shorter man shivered a little, not expecting anyone except for Alex who was finishing his shift to be in the room with them.

           “It does!”, Remus agreed poking the bandages with a finger. Knowing him, Virgil assumed he wanted to check if it’ll make the wound open and colour the fabric with blood. “And like I said, I just cleaned up your desk.” The firefighter moved much closer to Virgil towering over him with some different kind of smile. He really was smiling a lot for a person, who wanted to appear at least a little scary most of the time. “Where’s my ‘hi’?”

           The shorter man glanced up at him, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed with the whole situation and all of his conflicting feelings. It definitely wasn’t the first time he found himself in a position like that. He should have got used to Remus being annoying and invading his personal space long ago. Or maybe he did get used to that and he was just confused by the fact that he really… didn’t mind?

           “Hi,” he said finally, the corners of his lips lifting slightly.

           “Hello,” Remus answered with something twinkling in his green eyes.

           There was a minute of silence. None of them seemed to want to move.

           “You’re both gross,” said Roman decisively and ruined the moment by rolling his eyes and walking right between them to the adjacent kitchen.

           Virgil felt blush creeping up his neck. He completely forgot about the second twin being in the room with them. Wouldn’t be the first time he got distracted like that.

           And he couldn’t even get mad at Roman… that was a little bit gross. …In a good way.

           “You can keep the bird skull if you want to. I planned to paint it and add to my new sculpture, but I have plenty more to use instead.”

           Virgil was more than grateful for the change of the topic.

           “No, thanks. But show me the sculpture once it’s done.”

           That was apparently a right thing to say, because Remus looked very satisfied with himself which was always nice. Virgil really liked to see him so cheerful, even when it meant complimenting some naturalistic painting or listening to his unsettling ideas. He was even more handsome when he seemed genuinely happy… wait, what?

           Virgil coughed nervously and quickly moved to the desk, putting his bag down and turning the computer on. When he was adjusting the headset and checking his microphone he looked back at Remus and gave him a little shy wave.

           “Don’t set yourself on fire today,” he said using their usual equivalent of ‘good bye’.

           “No promises!”, was a standard reply.

 ***

             Roman grabbed a bag of gummy worms from Remus’ hand preventing him from showing them all into his mouth at once.

           “Stop eating so much sweets. You’ll already too energetic today.”

           Remus shrugged and took a long sip of some energy drink he’d been hiding behind his back.

           “Don’t tell me what to do.”

           “It cannot be healthy for you!” Roman tried to grab the can as well, but Remus was sitting on the kitchen counter, so he easily lifted it out of his brother’s reach.

           “Why?!” he asked in a whiny tone.

           “Because Logan said so!”

           “No, he didn’t.”

           “But he would if he was standing here right now.”

           “…fine!”

           Remus jumped off the counter sending his twin annoyed look, but he put the drink away, only now noticing his slightly shaky hands. He hasn’t said anything to not give Roman the satisfaction and moved to the changing room to dress for their upcoming training.

           Virgil followed him with his eyes, not even trying to hide the confusion. Remus almost never did anything, because it was healthy or responsible. What was happening?

           Who the hell is Logan?

---

           “Roman! …Roman! ROMAN!!!”, Remus looked up seeing his brother sitting atop the fire engine with a book. It was his favourite place to escape the noise, people… and work. “Get down here, you lazy motherfucker! We’re moving the old hoses to the new room.”

           “Have fun then!”

           “They’re heavy! Come back here and help me!”

           “I’m busy…” Roman looked at Remus from behind the book, hoping he’d just get bored and walk away. “And you can lift them yourself, come on.”

           “No, I can’t! They’re packed in those bigger boxes. If I do this myself I’ll drop them on my feet or hurt my back and Logan said it’s dangerous!” Remus smirked, already knowing he won the argument. “And do you really want to leave me unsupervised?”

           “Okay, okay. I’ll help… It’s not your fault you’re a weak baby!”

           The rest of the conversation was too quiet for Virgil to hear through the open window from the garages below. The twins probably moved to the other room to finish the task. And Roman, who truly didn’t like this kind of repetitive labour, helped without much complaining… Strange.

           Who the fuck was Logan?

---

           “Roman, you forgot the scarf. It’s freezing. Logan said you’ll catch a cold!”

           “Logan would already give you a lecture for sleeping on a chair like that… At least move to the floor… I’ll bring you some blankets… Yes, I know it’s 4am. You think I’m happy about it?”

           “If Logan saw the mess you’ve made he be so disappointed with you…”

           “Okay, stop staring at cute boys and get back to work! Just imagine if Logan saw you right now. It’s pathetic. Oh… is my little brother blushing?”

           “What do you mean ‘why’? Just stay safe. Because Logan said so!”

           “Because Logan said so!”

 ***

             “Okay… who the hell is Logan?”

           Remus looked at Virgil from the axe he’s been sharpening on the office floor. He was clearly confused, not expecting anyone to talk to him after Roman left the room a few seconds ago.

           “What?”

           Virgil gripped the fabric of his trousers nervously.

           “I’ve asked who’s Logan.” There was a moment of silence. “You… you two keep bringing him up and I… I know that no one with that name works here and no one else is ever talking about this guy. If it’s a guy.” He stopped himself before he started rambling. “So… Who is Logan?”

           Remus was looking at him with a very weird set of emotions in his eyes. It was impossible to decipher what he was thinking or feeling at the moment which was pretty unusual for a person who was normally so open with what he thought or felt.

           Finally he went back to cleaning the axe lying on his knees.

           “Wouldn’t you like to know operator boy…” he said with a smirk.

           Virgil blinked, even more perplexed.

           “Y-yes! That’s why… Of course I want to know! That’s why I asked in the first place!”

           This time Remus openly laughed as if Virgil just told him a joke. It was one of his loudest and wildest laughs that most people learnt to ignore after working with Remus for a while, but it was still pretty creepy for anyone unfamiliar with the firefighter’s personality. Virgil would find it pretty pleasant to listen to if it wasn’t meant to mock him at the moment.

           “I don’t know what’s so funny…” he said defensively. He already regretted ever asking the question. Maybe it was a wrong moment? Maybe he should have asked Roman instead?

           “Of course you don’t! Oh, the irony…”

           He was very close to asking “what’s the irony”, but decided against it. Apparently he wasn’t getting any actual answers right now. Okay. He could wait and be patient when he wanted to. He’s already been waiting for months before the curiosity finally pushed him to say anything. There were other ways to get that information. It might be a difficult task, but he’ll learn the truth… eventually.

-

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General writing taglist: @imma-potatoo

Taglist for this AU: @isabelle-stars @wintersandsunshine

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist or removed from it :>

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #ts virgil #remus sanders #ts remus #roman sanders #ts roman #logan sanders #ts logan #firefighter!remus #firefighter!roman #creativitwins #dukexiety #ts dukexiety #virgil x remus #remus x virgil #ts writing #my writing #ts fanfiction #my fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides au #firefighter au #hteragramxwriting #hteragramx #tw blood mention #tw fire mention #tw swearing

[screechingpulsar]

Why I Value Tagging Over Censorship

(TW for descriptions of antisemitism, nazism, cocsa (child-on-child sexual assault), necrophilia, and torture-porn. I will mark in bold the sections where this is discussed in more detail.)

@olderthannetfic you asked to be tagged in this post, so here you go! It’s uhhh... Not a fun story! But I thought it was important to share since people tend to claim that those on the more “freedom of expression” side of things have no experience with running into explicit/problematic work as a minor, or have been groomed into believing that it’s okay to do this and that’s... not accurate.

TLDR: When an archive’s policy is that problematic or triggering content must be tagged rather than deleted, it is actually much easier to root out bigoted garbage and/or otherwise objectionable content than on a site where such content is not allowed, but also not warned for. As an example, as a child I was exposed to a truly terrible piece of work deliberately made to trigger and hurt others. Had that work been forced to use proper tags, I would have never seen it, or seen the tags and known to stay away.

The anti/pro-ship debate is exhausting to watch, tbh. I hold opinions on the issue that I’m sure people from both sides would take issue with. But one thing that I’ve seen crop up lately that rubs me the wrong way is the debate over AO3.

The argument I’ve seen from antis boils down to: AO3 hosts problematic content-- namely underage explicit fics, rape/noncon fics, incest and rpf, and has it enshrined in its policy that it’s pretty much impossible to get something deleted off the site for being morally repugnant or gross-- therefore it should not exist or instead moderate its content to remove these things. Doing this would make it safer for minors to use the site.

Funny story. As a kid, about 12 years old, maybe a bit younger, I went on a fanfic website that had a policy against hateful or offensive works, and it’s there that I was exposed to the nastiest piece of work I’ve ever seen in my life (and I’ve read HP Lovecraft /half joking).

This site was not AO3. It was FFN (fanfiction.net for those unaware). The fandom was Phineas and Ferb, a widely beloved kid’s cartoon.

I avoided AO3 because even as a 12 year old I recognized that site had Adult Content(tm) on it, and if I didn’t want to see that I shouldn’t go on there. So I didn’t.

FFN didn’t allow NC17/E-rated stuff on its site, and because of the relatively stricter moderation policy, people tended to skew their ratings up to avoid being reported. This meant my creepypasta loving ass often looked through T and M stories to find that good good horror content. Also, FFN didn’t have a smut filter of any kind, the best I could do was remove any works tagged “romance”. Which I did, because again, horror-loving child.

(TW comes into effect most prominently here)

The fic was called, “The Final Solution for Isabella”. Should I have known better from the title alone? As a Jewish descendant of a Holocaust survivor, yeah probably. Except I didn’t, because I was twelve and naive, and didn’t think that someone would be fucking sick enough to write what they did.

(I thought the title was a reference to the dynamic between Isabella and Phineas where she constantly flirts with him and he ignores her advances/is unaware of them. And that this fic would be her trying some wacky scheme to finally get him to notice. I was, of course, very wrong.)

Short version of the fic: Phineas tortures and rapes Isabella for being Jewish, then is graphically described to set her on fire and then have sex with her charred corpse.

The fic’s taken down now (I checked about 5 years ago, I don’t know how long it was up after or before I saw it), don’t go looking for it. Not that I imagine you’d want to.

It wasn’t the only or first story I’d seen that covered topics like WW2 and the Holocaust either. Again, creepypasta kid, I saw tons of nazi-experiment ghost stories. On the creepypasta wiki. Where I expected them. Where it was often made abundantly clear in advance what kind of horror I’d be dealing with.

(a rare advantage to formulaic, bad writing)

It was the first (and only) fic that genuinely traumatized me though.

I want to be clear here: this wasn’t merely dark fiction, or someone’s weird snuff. This was malicious, created to deliberately upset as many people as possible, especially Jewish fans of PnF. This was beyond even the grooming material antis talk about. There aren’t enough insults in the world to describe what this was.

(Graphic description is over.)

FFN’s moderation policy didn’t catch the most blatantly terrible and hateful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. How many other kids saw that fic, I wonder? How many little Jewish kids were exposed to that kind of vitriol while just trying to have some fun with a show they liked?

Trust me. You want people to have a place where they can put their fucked up fics and have them be well-tagged. I can go on AO3 and filter out adult content of any flavour with a couple clicks. I could have even gone on it without the age filters and just filtered out smut, but still gotten the gratuitous violence my tiny edgelord soul craved!

(Sidebar: there was another fic on FFN in the PnF fandom that my child self absolutely loved: it was about a haunted house where most of the cast ended up dying brutally and graphically. It was messed up, kinda trashy and gorey for gore’s sake, but that’s what I was looking for, and that’s what I found.

(I’m not sure if that one’s better or worse than the circus AU one I saw where Phineas literally ate people’s souls... I liked that one because it’s how I learned about Creature Feature. Probably should have just picked up Cirque du Freak, eh?)

No matter how morally reprehensible I find some of the content on AO3 to be, I will never fault them for having the tagging system they do. I would much rather see a sign that says, “WARNING: Horrible, awful, no good, very bad stuff ahead” and go somewhere else than see a sign that says, “We don’t allow the horrible, awful, no good etc. content here!” only to be smacked in the face by something I’d rather have not seen.

(Disclaimer: I’m aware that someone could just as easily not tag their shit on AO3 and have the same effect, but fun thing about AO3′s policy: if you don’t put any ratings/warnings on your work, they will automatically put the tags “Not Rated” and/or “Creator chose not to use archive warnings”. So even then, the work could be avoided if a user is, in AO3′s terms, “risk-averse”.)

#fandom discourse #shipping discourse #ao3 #archive of our own #in which i out myself as a huge edgelord for internet discourse #fun fact about my lovecraft jab: i found out what he named his cat through the necronomicon i got for my birthday at 14 #and surprise surprise! reading lovecraft didn't make me think racism and xenophobia was okay! #in fact: it's a big part in how I started noticing problematic themes in horror! and then in other genres too! #anyway that's not quite relevant to the main point of this post #which boils down to: if people wanted to expose kids to abuse/incest/underage fics against their will #thoroughly tagging them so content filters can pick up on them on a website known for its robust tagging system #is a pretty bad way to accomplish this #in other words: i have moral issues with some shit people write #but i have ethical issues with trying to censor things instead of just labelling them as what they are and moving on