#i also have a cat laying between me and my keyboard who keeps laying her head on my arm making it hard to use my mouse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Chaos Magnet

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None :)

Genre: FLUFF, HUMOR, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When Y/N get invited onto a stream with the gang by Jack (Sean) she’s not sure what to expect but it’s safe to say that such chaos is not something she could’ve ever imagined.

Requested by Anon. Hi hun! Thank you so much for your lovely request, it really had me laughing and still had me be awe-struck by the adorableness of the idea. Sorry it’s been such a long time since you put in the request but I still hope you come across the fic and read it! Love, Vy ❤

“Alright people, silence in the call for a moment!“ Jack calls out when the lobby’s counter has finally reached up to nine, leaving room for one more person who is yet to join, but apparently he doesn’t care much that he’ll probably have to repeat himself when the tenth person enters the call and lobby.

“Jack, you should know by now, the day there’s silence in this call is when some supernatural force murders all ten of our mics. It just won’t happen, deal with it.“ Charlie, who was having an ‘intense’ discussion with Toast up until Jack’s interruption, says sarcastically, chuckling ever so slightly, enough for it to be contagious and make me crack a smile as well.

“There won’t be silence, I’ll be talking. If only the rest of you would LET ME.“ Jack replies just as sarcastically, getting Charlie to let out an actual fit of laughter. When his chuckling subsides along with the rest of the chatter in the call, Jack finally gets to have the speech he mentioned, “Right, ok so here’s the deal folks: today we have a guest addition to the stream, curtesy of mine because I’m obsessed with her channel. As you might or might not have noticed, there’s one person missing from the lobby but she’s gonna be joining us any minute now. As I said, I’m a huge fan so you better not embarrass me or I swear I’m gonna kill you first when I get to be an impostor.”

I don’t know what the others are thinking - probably something similar as what I’m thinking though: Noted, embarrass Jack to the best of your ability. Trust me, getting him flustered in front of his YouTube idol is well worth the death in Among Us he’s threatening us with.

“Also keep in mind that she’s of a different kind, not of our breed if you will - she’s an ASMR YouTuber. Not those who eat in the mic just because they think it’d be pleasant for people to hear.“ Jack goes on to explain, the way he’s described this girl’s craft is quite intriguing, especially when you consider how confidently Jack expressed his distaste with ASMR in the past. He’s always claimed not to be a fan but here we are, I guess people really do change.

“Thank you for making it seem like I do more than just cut up soaps, Jack. I really appreciate it but don’t bump the bar up that high, people will be disappointed when they actually visit my channel.“ An unfamiliar voice appears in the call out of nowhere. Though, unfamiliar is not the adjective I should focus on when describing this girl’s voice. I’ll list a few more but even they won’t do it justice: pleasant, awing, mesmerizing, unbelievable, out-of-this-world...I really could keep going.

“Oh come on, Y/N, you don’t just cut up soap. You turn them into bath bombs too!“ Jack laughs, earning him a playful scoff from the newcomer. “Oh yeah, almost forgot - Everyone, this is Y/N, our ASMR artist.“

“Please, some ‘artist’ I am. The people in my comment section would disagree with that description.“ She giggles after kindly responding to each and every greeting the gang sends her way, myself included. “The word I’ve seen people use most when describing my channel is ‘cringey’ so....yeah.“ She laughs, a genuine laugh instead of the bitter one I was expecting to follow such words.

“That seems to be the cool kids’ favorite word, don’t dwell too much on it.“ Rae tells her reassuringly, “What’s important is what word would you use to describe your channel?“

Y/N hums, sounding as though she’s fallen in thought but that’s only one brief moment before she answers. Or begins to, at least, “Well, if I were to describe my channel with one word it’d be....BEEFY!”

That one out-of-context word, screamed out by such an angelic voice has me breaking down with overwhelming laughter collapsing all my ability to hold back.

“Out of all the words, you’d choose beefy?“ I somehow manage to ask between fits of laughter that render me breathless.

“She’s a vegetarian, I think, I don’t know why she’d choose that word.“ Jack too is laughing his butt off but has a significantly better grip on it, “Y/N, care to explain your peculiar choice?“

There’s a lot of shuffling and random noise on Y/N’s end before her reply finally comes, accompanied by a weak meow, “Sorry guys, that was a classic cat of Mr. Beef Stronganoff seeking attention by being chaotic.” She says through laughter, her words followed by another meow which was a lot more clear, seemingly closer to the mic, “He took down my mic, and he seems like he wants to do it again....BEEFY NO!”

For some reason, even with that explanation in mind, I can’t keep myself from laughing. Come to think of it, I think the explanation only makes it funnier.

“Ugh, darn it! I saved my mic but he ran across my keyboard and turned my webcam off how do I turn it back on?“ Her voice dies down for a few secs before it reemerges from her end, “Ok nevermind I got it. Now I can answer...what was the question again?“

Recovering from his laughing fit, Jack manages to repeat the question, “What word would you use to describe your channel?”

“Oh that! Right, ok. Um, I’d call it aesthetically pleasing and BEEFY NOT THE ROUTER CABLE YOU DUMMIE!“

She’s insane. Or her cat’s insane. I can’t tell. Maybe both. Either way, I can’t help but feel like I’ve found a soulmate in this literal stranger. It’s safe to say us chaos magnets like her and I, we don’t only attract chaos, but also chaotic individuals. I’m so glad she magnetized me to herself. Or was it the other way around? We may never know - mystery is in the nature of us chaos magnets, you know.

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cheri-translates · 3 years

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[CN] Kiro’s Inspiration Date (Eng Translation)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 灵感之约, which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

An early birthday gift to the embodiment of sunshine, @moondusks :>

[ This date was released in CN on 7 December 2020 ]

A pleasantly warm and light breeze lifts the muslin curtains, bringing with it the fresh atmosphere of early winter.

Lemon yellow sunlight filters lazily through the trees, casting shadows on the window and carrying the scent of peppermint.

It’s an incomparably ordinary, and incomparably comfortable afternoon.

It’s very suitable for heading out and casting aside one’s cares - laying down on a grass patch, basking in the warm sunlight.

Or perhaps taking a stroll along the street, and sitting down in a cafe one has been longing to visit.

That’s what Kiro and I originally planned to do.

However, the cruel reality is...

MC: Why does this proposal have to be done by next week ahhhh--

Kiro: Why can’t I write this song properly--

MC: Why do people need to be exploited by work--

Kiro: [sighs] And why are people constrained by inspiration--

Because of a sudden program, I have no choice but to work overtime.

And Kiro, who is about to record a new album, has remained dissatisfied towards the title track.

Due to the pressures of reality, we have to give up our original plans of having a fulfilling and happy date.

The both of us are working overtime at home.

Kiro: [groans] Farewell, my rosy weekend. Goodbye, my donuts and soup dumplings which have vanished into thin air.

MC: And brown sugar milk coffee, taro pies, and lava cakes...

Even though we sing the same tune, complaining dejectedly about not being able to go out, the both of us work non-stop on our tasks.

I can hear the crisp sound of Kiro tapping his pen rhythmically against the music stand. Occasionally, his soft humming can also be heard.

Seeing him working hard and struggling with himself, the corners of my lips lift upwards.

Even though we’re unable to head outside to do something interesting, it isn’t a bad thing to be together at home like this, channelling effort into our differing goals.

In some way, this should also count as a type of date.

I smile, adjusting my posture on the bean bag so that it’s more comfortable for typing, then continue immersing myself in the battle against the program proposal.

The proposal I’m working on is extremely urgent, and has to be settled by next week.

Not only that, but this sudden program has an importance accompanied by a non-proportional preparation timing.

And during such a period of high stress, the goddess of inspiration, who typically shows concern for me, has gone on a faraway vacation, and has completely vanished.

I have trouble writing. When I completely lose my train of thought, I exchange helpless glances with the few words on the screen.

In the end, I give up and pause the hands which have been maltreating the keyboard, preparing to pour myself a glass of water, and attempt to change my mood.

Lifting my head, I subconsciously glance in Kiro’s direction.

The curtains separate the room from sunlight, casting Kiro in a faint shadow as he leans against the window while composing a song.

Busy writing the new song, he hasn’t had time to maintain the state of his hair.

Finding stray hairs a hindrance as they block his vision, Kiro holds a rubber band in his mouth, combing his hair to the back, and ties it into a small ponytail.

Those azure eyes stare at the music score in concentration. They are as clear and bright as always, but lack the flash of light he usually has when inspiration strikes.

Reference materials and abandoned drafts are scattered all over, which seem to isolate him on a higher platform which I’m unable to reach.

Completely engrossed in creating his work, even his languid sitting posture exudes a cold and lonely feeling for some reason.

For a moment, I feel slightly dazed.

Kiro: Let me guess. Is Miss Chips lacking inspiration, and having trouble writing the proposal?

Kiro suddenly removes his earplugs, turning his head to look at me.

He shows me a brilliant smile, and the room is once again filled with sunlight.

MC: How did you know?

He stands up as well, stretching himself, turning back into the him that I’m most familiar with.

It’s as though the him of just a few seconds ago was simply an illusion surfacing from work-induced stress.

Kiro: Hmm... since just now, the sound of your keyboard has been intermittent, unlike how smooth it usually is.

While he speaks, Kiro walks to the snack cabinet and rifles through it carefully, as though he’s a small squirrel searching for a pine cone from the hole of a tree in winter.

Kiro: So I thought - Miss Chips is probably just like me, entering a bottleneck at work.

He splits the low-fat and sugar-free healthy snack into half, placing it into my hand.

Kiro: A little reward for the hardworking you. Now, do you feel more motivated?

MC: It sounds quite embarrassing... but I don’t think I can work any harder.

I munch on the snack which gives me absolutely no happiness, saying this with a sullen expression.

MC: The presentation is next week, but I still have no idea how to go about writing the proposal. Right now, I just want to turn into an ostrich and curl up into a ball, avoiding the presentation meeting in a few days... and also avoiding my unmotivated self.

I turn the laptop towards him, letting him see the lonely and piteous 235 words in the document.

MC: I even want to knock on my brain forcefully, checking to see if new ideas will appear.

Kiro: Hmm... I see...

Kiro curls his finger, tapping it gently against my forehead. He leans closer to my ear and asks a question.

Kiro: Nice to meet you, Miss Chips’ inspiration. May I know if you’re at home?

Following his action, I close my eyes and sense it carefully.

After a short silence, I furrow my brows and lift my head, looking at him bitterly.

MC: Hello, the user you’re calling is not in service...

Kiro reaches out to rub the area between my eyebrows, smoothening out the creases on my face.

After ensuring that I’m no longer a “bun”, he sighs, laying down next to me.

[Note] Chinese buns (包子 - “bao zi”) look like this i.e. they look like wrinkles:

Kiro: [sighs] Actually, I’m the same as you. There’s a song I especially wish to write, and I really like the concept and composition. I want to try writing a song on understanding and interpreting the theme of “love” from my own perspective.

He pauses, lifting his fringe with a wry smile. After give it a forceful rub, he causes his originally tidy hairstyle to become fuzzy.

Kiro: But no matter how I change it, I’m not satisfied. I keep feeling as though something is missing from the music. There’s no soul.

I untie the string, using a hand to smoothen his hair, helping him tie it up properly again.

MC: Whether it’s “My Treasure” or the song we wrote together last Christmas, aren’t they very incredible? They’re tender and sweet - it’s as though they can be sung into the hearts of every listener, enabling them to recollect the best memories.

Kiro: That won’t do.

Kiro flips over and sits up, his eyes serious.

Kiro: Those songs write about us. They write about you. I have several thousand ways to write about how adorable you are, but I don’t know which timbre I should use to face myself.

Not realising how potent his words are in causing one to blush, Kiro sighs once again after speaking, laying back down.

Kiro: [sighs] Looks like this time, we’ve both chosen subjects which are very difficult for us.

Kiro: Since we’ve both sunk into a major crisis--

Kiro: Want to try Kiro’s special, secret recipe and see if it can sort out our thinking?

Kiro shoots me a wink.

MC: Sure. Do I need to do anything?

Kiro: At this stage, all you have to do is sit here.

While Kiro speaks, he picks up the abandoned drafts he had casually thrown on the floor earlier, using them to enclose us within a square frame.

Kiro: This is the thinking box that we’re trying to escape from.

He sets down the final sheet of paper, completing this “box”, his tone light.

Kiro: Right now, we’re both locked in it.

MC: In that case, will the superhero help me break this box, so we can have a breakthrough together?

Kiro: Nope.

Kiro steps out of the square frame made out of drafts, reaching out to seize Cello, who is sleeping soundly on the cat climbing shelf. Then, he places it in my arms.

Cello: Meow?

Kiro nods in satisfaction, then jogs over to the kitchen, bringing over some fruits.

Under the confused gaze of both me and Cello, he makes several trips in and out, bringing over soft cushions, comfortable blankets, and two cups of sugar-free hot chocolate.

Finally, Kiro shifts another bean bag over, and sits down beside me.

Kiro: I’m incredibly sorry to tell you that even a superhero can’t find a way to jump out of this box.

Somewhat pleased with himself, he takes me into his arms with one hand, letting me lean on him.

Kiro: But at the very least, I can keep you company in this box. And together, we can see what exactly in this box has left us so bewildered that we’re unable to get out even after such a long time.

As he speaks, he tousles Cello’s fuzzy head, and it releases a comfortable meow.

Kiro: We can also decorate it a little, so the box is more comfortable.

MC: Pfft...

I can’t help but laugh. The sense of dejectedness due to work earlier seems to be cleared up with his actions.

I reach out, pointing at a corner of the ceiling in a joking manner.

MC: See that? Over there, there’s an MC who just can’t write a proposal, and she’s currently curled up and for waiting for mushrooms to sprout on her... I don’t know how to deal with it.

Kiro nods in understanding, pointing at a corner of the room.

Kiro: Ladies and gentlemen, look here. Here is a Kiro whose inspiration is stuck, and is currently drawing circles.

MC: When you put it like that, it sounds pretty cute...

While he speaks, I more or less understand why Kiro went to such trouble to do this.

Kiro: That’s right. To me, whether it’s that ostrich-like MC, or that MC who has mushrooms growing on her, I want to hug all of them properly.

Kiro: And then tell her solemnly - that you’re already very amazing. Even if you don’t think you’re good enough, I still like you very much.

Kiro: Just as much as a little bear in winter liking the warm blue sky and green grass.

As he speaks, he tightens his grip on my hand, leaning his chin on top of my head.

Surrounding me are soft blankets and cushions. In my arms is a cat which has gone back to sleep.

Behind me, Kiro’s body temperature and scent encase me tenderly, making me feel so contented that I want to release a joyful sound together with Cello.

I close my eyes in happiness, nuzzling the crook of Kiro’s neck.

The things that were bothering me just a second ago, weighing me down with stress and emotions and leaving me unable to breathe, vanish like smoke and disperse like clouds.

It’s as though I’ve awakened from an incredibly long nightmare, discovering that sunlight is illuminating my surroundings, and that a cup of hot chocolate is waiting at the bedside.

MC: Kiro, why do you always know of such ingenious methods?

I lift my head to look at him, gazing at that blue colour which seeps into one’s heart, and the golden colour traced by sunlight.

Our foreheads lean against each other, and he smiles as he responds.

Kiro: You were the one who taught me these things. Why are you asking me instead?

MC: Me?

Kiro: Last time, there were numerous occasions when I felt I couldn’t create works that were good enough, and I’d start to doubt myself. I’d lock myself in a corner, and start having internal fights with myself.

Along with his words, it’s as though I see the Kiro I was barely acquainted with back then, and how he had endured several days and nights of work.

He had locked himself up in a room, helpless and frantic, not leaving any space for himself to breathe.

Kiro: But during those times, you were always by my side. You told me that no matter how I was, you’d like me all the same.

As he speaks, he taps on my laptop.

Kiro: Actually, it’s the same today.

Kiro: Don’t just look at how I appear now. Actually, I’m in a terrible state.

Kiro: On one hand, I’m forcing myself to finish this work quickly. On the other hand, I’m so irritated and annoyed at myself, who lacks creativity.

Kiro: There were many times when I wanted to just give up.

Kiro: But...

He lifts a strand of my hair, twirling it around his fingertip. In the end, he pulls it to his lips, giving it a gentle kiss.

Kiro: Each time I heard your intermittent yet continuous typing sounds, I’d tell myself that next to me, you’re still working hard.

Kiro: My Miss Chips is also feeling perplexed, but she’s still persevering in work.

Kiro: So I told myself - how could I give up before you did?

Kiro: I must definitely persevere a little longer, so you see how dashing I am.

Kiro relates this softly at my ear. His tone, which harbours a smile, sounds as though he’s depicting a treasure.

I indulge myself in his arms, greedily enjoying the present tranquility and warm atmosphere for a while longer.

I always feel that Kiro is a star whenever I go off course. He always illuminates the pathway, pointing the way forward for me.

Actually, without even realising it, it’s because we’ve seen each others’ light that we could press on.

Encouraging each other, and feeling the way forward in the darkness.

Until we break through the predicament together.

MC: Thank you, my superhero. I think I’ve regained the ability to fight a little more.

A soft chuckle brushes my ear. Then, a warm and gentle touch is planted on my lower jaw.

Reminiscent of the whiskers of a kitten brushing past, spreading into a plain of sweetness.

Kiro: At your service anytime, my Miss Chips.

With that, Kiro and I sit in the “box” together, resuming our work.

He lays on the ground, scribbling and drawing on the music sheet, while I hug the laptop to myself, working hard to squeeze out a proposal.

The typing sounds on the laptop remain intermittent as before, but no longer have the sense of repression and frustration from earlier.

With his presence, I actually manage to complete a draft of the proposal without realising it.

It isn’t excellent, and there are many areas which require editing. Nevertheless, I’ve already tided over the most difficult period.

I move my neck and shoulders, then shift a little closer to Kiro.

Same as before, Kiro is wholly absorbed in the music sheet in his hands.

Even though I can’t tell his current progress, based on his expression and posture, he should be the same as me, breaking free from the lowest point of production.

I observe him quietly for a long time. In the end, my playfulness triumphs, and I think of pulling a tiny prank on him.

Lifting Kiro’s right hand, I burrow into his arms.

MC: Surprise~

Probably not expecting me to do this, Kiro is left dumbfounded. However, he subconsciously props himself up and hugs me.

Kiro: Miss Chips?

MC: A little reward for the hardworking musician.

Saying this, I tilt my head upwards and give him a light peck on the chin.

My sudden attack and the closing of distance between us enables me to successfully capture the faint redness on Kiro’s face.

Kiro: ...mm, how’s your proposal doing?

MC: At the moment, there are positive prospects.

Just like this, I wrap my arms around his neck, tousling his soft, golden coloured hair.

Because of my action, the ponytail is now in disarray.

I simply hook my fingers underneath Kiro’s rubber band, untying it, feeling the softness of his hair in between my fingers.

MC: How’s your song doing?

Kiro: At the moment, there are positive prospects.

He mimics my words, inserting one earplug into my ear.

A somewhat rough demo occupies my hearing.

I close my eyes, immersed in the music he has given to me. My fingers twirl the wire of the earpiece, tracing the rhythm.

Kiro: Although it isn’t done yet, the overall main key won’t change.

It’s a somewhat slow tune.

It's quiet, and even brings with it a heavy and melancholic melody. It’s reminiscent of a self-reflection, and also like a careful recount.

Kiro: Even though this tune is a little sombre, I still wrote it.

Kiro: Because I know you’d definitely say that you like such songs too.

MC: Of course.

I say this with certainty. He smiles and lowers his head, the tips of our noses gently touching.

MC: Kiro, I came across a saying once.

MC: The process of writing a song is actually a writer’s conversation with himself.

MC: Although I don’t know what you said to yourself, if this melody is your answer, I like it very much.

Our drifting breaths channel a temperature slightly higher than the sunlight.

MC: Including these slightly heavy portions - I like them very much.

Saying this, I crinkle my eyes, humming along with the melody from the earpiece.

Kiro releases a sigh, hugging me tightly.

Kiro: [sighs] Why does this song become so sweet when you hum it?

Before I can respond, Kiro continues.

Kiro: [laughs] It must be because MC is a jar of honey.

He nods with force, seeming to be very satisfied with this answer. Then, it’s as though something occurs to him, and he plants a kiss on my forehead.

Kiro: See? It’s very sweet.

MC: What...

I laugh, pretending to push at his chest.

MC: Looks like I have to stay a little further away from you next time, so you won’t become overweight.

Kiro: Hehe, it’s already too late! My feelings come in large portions, so it’s too late to say that.

Kiro presses me against the woollen blanket, embracing me with even more strength than before.

Kiro: Miss Chips has already been firmly held onto by me.

Kiro: I’ll leave a stamp.

While he says this, he nibbles the side of my neck half-jokingly, and half-declaratory.

He doesn’t use strength, but the electric-like sensation makes me forget how to breathe for a moment.

The charmingly tepid air leaves my cheeks burning crimson.

Kiro’s hug is tight, yet very careful. It’s as though he’s embracing the one and only treasure in the entire world.

MC: It’s not like I can really run away...

Not minding my soft mumbling, another kiss descends on the shell of my ear, as though seeking a confirmation.

His breaths lift up strands of stray hair near my ear. They brush against my earlobe, as scorching as his lips.

Kiro: MC, I’m actually timid and a little childish.

Kiro buries his head in my shoulder, speaking softly.

Kiro: When it comes to things I don’t like, I’ll always think of hiding them and locking them up. I won’t see them, and I won’t let other people see them.

Kiro: But if it’s you...

I secretly take a few deep breaths, cradling his face a little stiffly yet carefully, tilting my head upwards.

MC: Thank you for trusting me.

Kiro: ...

Kiro’s eyes widen slightly, and his lips part and close. It’s as though he wants to say something, but returns to a blank.

At the end of a short silence, Kiro speaks solemnly.

Kiro: I’ll definitely finish this song.

He lowers his voice slightly. Even though this sentence is as light as a feather, I know that he’s as serious as making a vow.

Kiro: I’ll definitely finish this song, and sing various versions of myself to you in the future.

Kiro: Even the parts which are heavier, and the parts I’m unwilling to face myself.

MC: Mm. I’ll definitely listen earnestly.

Following the trail of his spine, I stroke his back lightly, giving him my promise.

Kiro: I know.

Kiro: It’s precisely because no matter what melody it is, you’ll definitely sing it into a song akin to honey.

Kiro: Which is why I have such courage.

I no longer speak, only giving him a serious nod.

Both his breathing and heart beats can be heard, regular and steady.

Kiro: Since we’ve reached an agreement, should I leave another stamp?

Kiro’s voice is once again light-hearted, even carrying with it a twinge of slyness.

MC: Wait! The most important thing now should be noting down the hard-earned inspiration before it goes away!

I grip several music sheets at the side, pressing them against his chest, attempting to flee from his arms.

MC: Get to work quickly!

Kiro: Why are you like this?

Kiro pouts, showing me his signature, puppy-eyed expression of dejection.

MC: I won’t be duped by your gaze again. I’m going to become a merciless supervisor, so you can finish your work before the deadline!

Seeing that his plan has been foiled, Kiro simply gives up “pretending”. With a smile, he grips my struggling wrist, pressing it to the side.

MC: Where’s your professionalism? Could it...

A prolonged kiss seals up the words I haven’t spoken.

Kiro: It’s exactly because of my professionalism that I can say with certainty...

Kiro smiles, his sapphire-like eyes radiating an azure colour even more eye-catching than the clear skies of winter.

Perhaps he hasn’t realised it himself, but he looks at me with the most burning and clear gaze, sticking out the tip of his tongue. Like a dragonfly flitting across water, he wets his lower lip.

Kiro: Before my inspiration vanishes, there’s still time to act coquettishly with my favourite Miss Chips.

Phone calls: First // Second

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc kiro

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eye-raq · 4 years

Text

Ember.

Chapter One.

This is an old series that I haven’t touched in forever, probably almost a year now. Since my Wattpad got deleted, the chapters that I had linked there from Tumblr was also deleted. I’m glad that I uploaded to a03 with some chapters so am gonna post the chapters here for those who want to read it again or for first time readers. Enjoy!

Hi. It’s me, Ember. Glad you could join me tonight.

She moaned softly, audio on his Mac Book giving her voice the perfect mixture of allure and innocence. The only light that ignited the space between him was the computer and the little desk lamp that occupied his workspace. The clock read approximately 10:00 PM---right on cue like it had been for the past month now. He sat relaxed on his black leather swivel desk chair, legs spread and dark green sweatpants hanging low on his hips. His dark brown eyes covered in his gold-rimmed specs scanned the computer screen, watching her shadow dance across her walls lit by candlelight. Her bedroom was her main source, and the camera aimed straight ahead overlooking a bed that was covered in gold silk, steps on either side leading up to the mattress like royalty, and a large headboard behind it littered with many candles. He waited with little patience, fingertips grazing the keyboard. His chest heaved when he saw her cocoa colored legs come into view, draped in a black silk robe. She giggled, most likely from the many viewers that were tuning in to watch her put in work. Erik scanned her background, eyes falling on the different movie posters that covered her walls and used easels that were lined up against the lower walls. He guessed briefly that she must be an artist, deciding to store that thought in his long-term memory. Miss Ember focused the camera towards the bed more, before laying her curvy body in the middle of the mattress, black silk robe halfway open and nipples hard pressing against the fabric.

she giggled lightly, “I see we have some eager viewers tonight.” She rubbed her pillowy thighs together slow, red painted toenails curling among each other.

“So, what do you wanna see tonight you greedy men.”

Her lips were painted in glitter tonight and her curly hair lay messily over her shoulders. Erik rubbed at his lower abs slow, mind wondering how her eyes looked since she decided to keep them out of view. Her nose had a small hoop ring in it, and her ears were covered in them too. She had the most beautifully crafted natural body he had ever seen, her curves whining and grinding in the camera purposely. She picked up her favorite purple rhinestone wand, rubbing her hands over it slow, “You wanna see me warm up a bit Daddy?”

She spread her legs, slipping the wand along her slit slow, teasing him. She didn’t give too much away which had Erik damn near screaming in his chest. Come on, baby, stop teasing daddy, He whispered low, legs swinging because of his growing erection.

“Daddy needs to be patient” She whispered as if she were talking directly to him.

She shuffled on her mattress, picking up her phone, sliding through. In the background, a sensual instrumental played out and her teeth grazed her bottom lips lightly. She took no time to remove her robe, her black lace lingerie set coming into view. Damn, Erik spoke low, digging his thumb into the waistband of his sweats. She hummed in a melodic tone, and it sounded almost princess-like as she lay on her belly, her ass facing the camera wiggling it slowly.

“Daddy, make sure you keep your eyes on this thick ass, okay?” She arched her back into the view of the camera, the material sinking in between her cheeks. “Does my daddy like what he sees?” She took her red painted nails, running it along her pussy from behind.

Daddy likes alright. Erik lifted his hips from the chair, lowering his sweats and briefs taking no time to pull out his throbbing dick, gripping it firmly. He stroked it slowly, feeling his limbs twitch after every stroke.The chimes from the many notifications she was receiving rang out multiple times. She twerked her ass in the camera, turning her head a little towards the screen her eyes still shielded. She had a cute gold chain around her neck that hung loosely in between her lips, her tongue grazing it seductively. She paused, thumbing her panties to the side causing one of her shiny lips to peak out like a blooming flower pedal. Erik groaned deep, gripping his full bottom lip with his teeth hard.

“Oh Daddy..”

she lowered the rest of her panties slow, finally letting the fabric rest at the crease behind her knees. That pussy. Erik was always at a loss when he saw it. How she managed to swallow the thick toys she possessed was astounding. It was of a reddish pink color, her lips like milk chocolate that hugged her clit so perfectly. Her inner lips rested against her insides like two half’s of a rose and the shine of it reflected off of her camera. Erik’s mouth watered, and he tried to slow his motions around his dick but it was really fucking hard when Ember looked the way she did.

“Daddy I’m so fucking wet already and I didn’t even do nothing yet.”

She reached up to stroke her lips, drawing her fingers back with separation, the slimy wetness sticking to them like glue. She brought her fingers to her glittery lips, sucking each finger so rough you could hear the suction through the speakers. So fucking nasty. How does that pussy taste huh baby? Erik ran his free hand along his solid chest, eyes never blinking, focusing on her motion without so much as a flicker. She sat up on her knees, her plump ass twerking slow, face shielded by her wild mane, her hands digging into the silk. She turned towards the camera slow, her lips and round button nose in view, tongue scraping across her glitter lips.

“So fucking good daddy, I wish you were here…why’d you leave me huh?” She reached under her, fingers grazing her clit causing her to hiss low, “why’d you leave me behind to take care of myself?”

Daddy wishes he was there lovely…I sware I do.

Erik jerked his stiff dick quick, causing his limbs to rise and shake, before slowing down again running his thumb over his swollen head, pre-cum gliding over the pad of his thumb.

Fuckkkk girl..

Erik lifted his glasses up the bridge of his nose, head leaning to the side in awe, eyes trying to read her from a different angle. She laid her body down slow, turning so that her pussy was in view. Her head tilted to the side on her mattress, full face finally coming into view of the camera causing chimes to ring out, which caused Erik to even hit the like button a couple of times in succession. She had a lace masquerade mask on, with cat ears, and Erik squinted his eyes to try and catch the full frame of her, but she timidly tilted her chin into the crook of her neck, making it a little harder to see. Her fingers were deep in her pussy now, damn near digging over her g spot. The noise of her motions filled the room so loud it made Erik pause his strokes just to admire her. He leaned into the computer, eyes glued to her fingers digging into her sweet cavern, legs spread wide and toes curled. If it was possible to get a taste from licking the screen he would, and his tongue was damn near soaked from the thought of it. “Oooo,” her innocent sounding voice moaned out as she thumbed her clit along with stroking her entrance, head turning from the camera lost in her motions.

“Daddy taste me..” she was whispering low now lost in her actions.

“Daddy punish me..” Erik’s hand was back to his dick now, no care at all that he stroked it quick.

“Daddy fuck me…please” She damn near begged as if he were in that room, and Erik couldn’t take it.

He wanted so bad to bury his dick all the way to her cervix. He just wanted to keep it there and fall asleep with it there, and whenever she moved, he would pump her fast and quick making her cum and cum until she couldn’t give him any more rain; until she was drained.

I love how you want daddy to punish you…

He was breathless now, air leaving his nose quick, his free hand gripping the edge of the desk tight. He jerked his hips to match her fingers pumping quick, her body leaning to one side, suspended in the air, fingers digging and her palm smacking against her pussy.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Erik knew she was close. He could tell by the way her fingers shook, and the way her pretty chubby toes curled every which way in a frenzy. Her heavy chest heaved and she began to wheeze. Erik leaned back in the chair, jerking like crazy, his legs spread wide and his free hand gripping his shoulder for leverage. He lowered his head, eyes squeezed and his mouth agape in shock. He was about to have a big nut, and all of this was because of her.

“Ahh, Daddy. Daddy. Daddyyy!”

She clenched her lingers, crying out. Her liquid poured from her, and like a greedy person, she was rubbing her clit still, causing small bursts to escape her. Erik soon after felt that familiar tug, leaning back in the chair wildly before releasing his seed all over his Lower belly. He shook as he was coming down from his high, lifting his hand to wipe it on his pubic hair. He leaned his head back, eyes falling on her as she placed her fingers in her mouth. She sucked them deep to the point where she was making herself gag, and clearly, the viewers couldn’t get enough of that.

That pussy is fire girl.

Erik sat up in his chair, watching her lift to her knees, her heavy breasts damn near looking at him, her hands brushing her hair from her shoulders. She giggled, her smile wide with these cute little dimples on the sides of her mouth.

“thank you, I do it for you Daddy,” she responded to her viewers the way she knew they liked but it only made Erik feel possessive.

She reached over to pick up her favorite dildo, the one Erik had to admit reminded him of his dick. Maybe it was from the fantasy of wanting to ram his dick in her that made him comparing his dick to the toy, but either way, he rather imagined it that way. He could feel his dick twitching against his thigh, clearly ready for round two and he patiently waited, taking his sticky fingers typing out a message for her to see.

TheGoldenJaguar: Daddy really enjoyed your little show but he’s not finished with you yet 😈

Erik sat back, tongue poking out to grazing the side of his lower lip. Ember gripped her dildo at its base, wrapping her fingers around the balls. She tongued the tip in slow circles, lace covered eyes wide and innocent in the camera. She wrapped her lips around the tip, moaning from the contact while her head bobbed in a circular motion. She popped her mouth off of the toy, spitting a generous amount on it to make it wet.

“When I say I love sucking your dick daddy,” she giggled, biting her lips before sinking further onto the thick toy, her jaws sinking and her eyes never leaving the screen.

Erik damn near lost it. She sucked it that well that it almost felt like she was taking his soul. It almost felt like she was aiming to suck him dry and leave him hungry and weak. He kept his eyes on her like he was staring down at her through his dreads, hands stroking her hair, gripping it tightly, instructing her to keep those pretty doe eyes on him. His thumb grazed his lower lip in concentration, eyes low and hungry.

“Clearly my mouth needs to be filled.”

Ember lowered her mouth onto the dick, burying it to her throat. She kept it there, coughing a little as she sucked lower. Erik grunted, wrapping his arms around his head as he watched her suck that toy like it was running away from her. Spit seeped from her mouth and trailed down the middle of her chest, gagging on the toy with no complaint.

You better suck that fucking dick girl.

Erik jerked his leg to calm himself from gripping his dick. He shook his head in awe as she twirled her tongue around the toy, finally releasing it from her mouth, a trail of spit leaving her plump mouth.

“Did daddy like that?”

Fuck Yes.

“Mmm, Daddy, my pussy is dripping from this dick.”

Ember laid back on the bed, gripping her wand in her hand letting the dildo sit against her wet pussy. She turned on the vibrator, increasing the speed of it. Erik’s hand wasn’t the slightest tired as he jerked again, eyebrows knitted together from just the sight of her alone. He had to have this girl. One way or another he had to have her. She spread her legs wide, leaning them back further with her arms, her head lifting to get a view of the camera. She flicked her tongue over her upper lip, her brown eyes zeroing in on him. He stared back, bringing his hand to cup his balls squeezing them lightly. She took her fingers and spread her lips, her swollen clit poking out like a present. Erik wanted to suck on it so fucking bad, he had to bite his palm to control his tongue. He imagined her writhing and pleading beneath him, his arms holding her in place as he sucked her clit repeatedly, letting her cum into his mouth. He knew her cum had to taste like sweet nectar, and the skin of her inner folds feel like satin against his tongue. Shit, I just want you to sit on my face baby girl..suffocate me.

She rested the wand on her clit gently, her eyes instantly fluttering as if she was possessed, body jerking.

“Daddy, my clit..” she bit at her lip tight, elbows pressing into her legs to keep them apart. She was gonna take all of it, and she was gonna make sure he got the show of his life.

“Daddy, it’s vibrating right on my clit..” she was at a loss, her mouth parted and her eyes fighting to stay focused on the screen

“Daddy, get in me please…” she gripped the dildo with her other hand, bringing it to her entrance letting it slide into her slowly. She froze, her throat going tight and her toes pointing up towards the ceiling.

Daddy got you, baby, I promise I got you. Ima take care of that pussy. Don’t worry princess…

Erik reclined back against his chair, sweaty body sticking to the leather. He kicked off the rest of his sweatpants, legs finally free as he jerked madly. He couldn’t take the feel of the hot leather anymore so he decided to stand, dick pointed at the computer screen almost aiming at her entrance.

Stroke that nasty pussy… that’s it… fuck that shit up girl I’m not playing witchu.

She stroked her pussy and held the wand over her clit, making herself a thriving quivering mess. She was moaning louder now, damn near blowing out Erik’s speakers with her pleads. She shook her head at the feeling, speaking in tongues, wiggling on the bed in a frenzy. She focused her eyes on her pussy eyebrows frowned in concentration, damn near forcing the wand heavily on her clit.

“OH!”

She lifted the wand from her clit, releasing the dildo, her entrance quivering and growing tight as she stilled, head falling back.

Nah, put that shit back on your clit girl, you wanted this you gon’ finish for daddy

Erik waited, chest heaving with his dreads stuck to his sweaty forehead and his glasses fogged. She rested the wand back to her clit, crying out loud, her lower body tilting from the bed again.

“Oh, oh, shit. Omg,” she lifted it again, her head falling back on the mattress. She smacked at her pussy softly, causing her body to jerk.

“Daddy it’s so fucking strong..”

Ember lowered it slowly to her clit again, her body automatically tensing up as she dug her nails into her thighs, scraping her skin. She moved her body a little but it only made it worse causing her to cover her mouth tight, her pussy tilting to the view of the camera. she wiggled from side to side, eyes watering up underneath the lace, limbs shaking. The waterfall that followed was one to remember and Erik had to control his motion by gripping his dick tight. He let out a loud growl as her liquid soaked the silk beneath her. He threw his head back, blowing air through his cheeks in frustration. He wanted to fuck her little ass up so damn bad. He wanted to fuck her guts up, grip her neck tight, repeatedly pound her tight pussy over and over. He couldn’t take it, and he never needed a girl as bad as her.

I wanna stick my dick in this girl so fucking bad, bruh...

His back muscles flexed as he watches her body relax, that same light giggle coming back. She bit at her finger, eyes glued to the screen. The chimes and likes were off the charts and she blushed crimson from the attention causing Erik to obsess even more than he already had.

“You still got one more nut in you daddy?”

Ember gripped her dildo, getting up from the bed. She picked up her camera, aiming it towards her hardwood floor, placing the suction of the dildo there. She kneeled her thick ass over the dildo, jiggling a little before sinking down onto the toy. She hissed low, giving her ass a hard smack before bouncing on the toy like it was the real deal. Erik jerked madly again, his free hand gripping the edge of the desk as he leaned further into the computer. The air from his lungs suspended in his throat, and his eyebrows were scrunched in passion. He felt so good and he didn’t want it to end, watching her bounce on her dildo, the wetness from her pussy glistening it, working that toy like she needed it.

fuck that toy up girl DAMN.

Erik closed his eyes in concentration, his motions becoming more and more sloppy as he jerked his long dick rough. He wanted to meet his end with her like he always did, greedily accepting two orgasms from watching her. She bounced harder, her head falling and her hair shielding her face. Her ass was non-stop and the arch in her back had drizzles of sweat falling there. Erik wanted to lick her skin and pussy clean with his needy tongue and it made him want to cum even harder.

fuck… I just wanna cum.

He was moaning now, jerking his hips with his motions.

“Daddy I need you to cum for me.”

His entire being focused in on her words. “Cum for me daddy I want that shit deep in me.”

She looked back at the camera, her eyes low and lustful.

“Daddy I deserve it don’t I?”

yes you do

“I deserve to be fucked like this don’t I?”

mmmm, FUCK yes…

“What else do I deserve for being a good girl daddy?” She slammed down hard on the dick, voice rising.

You deserve to cum all over that fucking dick.

His lower belly began to tighten, and so did hers.

“I deserve to cum daddy? because I wanna cum so fucking bad.”

She lowered her body, hands spread against the floor, the strength of her hips rocking along the dildo.

“Daddy…yes… YES, DADDY. yes… its cumming”

She bit at her forearm eyebrows knitted.

shit baby Daddy cumming too…

Erik threw his head back body stiffening

FUCKKK!!!!

He jerked forward roughly, his cum flying and spilling all over the computer screen, dripping right over her ass She stilled over the dildo, face cradled in the crook of her arm, liquid, and cream dripping and pooling around her. Both Erik and Ember were still, breathing uneven and horse. Erik sat down on his chair, sinking into the leather weakly. She lifted from the floor, grabbing up her camera, and placing it back where it was.

“Well. Daddy, that was really good,” She rubbed at her sweaty skin, “We can pick up where we left off tomorrow okay?”

She blew a kiss at the camera, waving seductively before leaning forward, ending the live video. Erik sat still, eyes glued to his cum covered screen, before tilting his head back, eyes focused on the sky view of his LA home.

Fuck.

Erik spoke in barely an audible,

Does she really live in New York?

#killmongrer #killmonger smut #Erik Killmonger #black panther killmonger #nahimjustfeelingit #eye raq

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star-spangledstud · 4 years

Text

Webcam

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x (female!)reader.

Word Count: 2800-ish

Summary: You and Bucky try something you’ve never tried before.

A/N: Based on the song ‘Cyber Sex’ by Doja Cat. (I’M OBSESSED WITH HER RIGHT NOW, OKAY?!” also my first smut so be gentle ;)

Warnings: 18+ SMUT (don’t read if you’re a minor mmkay?); masturbation; cursing

For the fourth time in half an hour, you looked at yourself in the mirror. With one finger, you cleaned up your lip gloss, removing it from the edge of your lower lip before tousling your hair to give it more volume. You straightened out your dress next, blushing to yourself when you thought of what you wore underneath. Bucky had no idea what was coming to him, you were sure of it. After all, you’d never had cybersex before. The guy hardly knew how to work an iPhone 4.

“Can you see me yet?”

You chuckled, adjusting your camera so he would be able to see you better. Staring back at you was a black screen with three dots in the center and a small cutout square in the corner in which you could see yourself waving your hand in front of the webcam. You wiggled in your seat and squeezed your thighs together, anticipation bubbling in your lower belly at the thought of what you were about to do.

“No,” he muttered, “how the hell does this work again? Hang on, baby, the computer hates me.”

He pressed several buttons, thick fingers jamming the keyboard in quick motions. You doubted he had any clue what he was doing. Technology had never been Bucky’s strong suit.

You rolled your eyes and snorted, “James, we went over this. You have to press the camera button and make your own screen smaller with the little arrows so you can see me.”

A picture suddenly replaced the blackness, causing your cheeks to heat up and your heart to skip. There he was, your man, staring at his screen with a deep frown on his forehead and his tongue sticking out of his mouth; his concentration face. He was still dressed in his tactile suit, streaks of dirt evident on his chiseled cheekbones.

“I see you now,” he said, smiling at you, “can you see me?”

You nodded and waved again, smiling wide when he returned the gesture. You’d never get tired of seeing that face, not in a million years. He’d always give you butterflies.

“Where’s Steve?” You asked to be safe, peering into the motel room behind him.

“Got his own room for the night,” he commented, “I wanted to be alone with my best girl.”

He got up, placing the gun that had been lying on the desk in front of his computer on the nightstand of his double bed. The entire room seemed to entirely be clad in 80s decor, from the wallpaper to the sheets and even the TV behind him. You watched as he took another weapon from his waistband and placed it beside the other one. Then a knife, which he collected from his right boot, ended up on the table as well.

“How long have you been in?” You asked.

“We just got back ten minutes ago,” he smiled, “I couldn’t wait to see your face. I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” you said, “come sit down, big guy.”

He did as told and took a seat after taking his jacket off and hanging it up over the back of the chair. His finger went out to touch the screen but recoiled when he realized it was silly. He really did miss you, it had been too damn long since he was able to touch you.

Bucky and Steve left nearly two months ago. He knew it would be a long mission with endless stakeouts and not a lot of action, which made the time pass by even slower. Every day he’d sit in various hiding spots for hours, underneath bushes, behind trees and sometimes even high up inside them with weapons at the ready but nobody to shoot. HYDRA employees seemed to live in the underground facility he and Steve had been staking out for weeks now because neither of them had seen anyone go in our out so far and it was starting to become frustrating.

“We’re thinking we might call it quits in a few days,” he said, rubbing his arms, “we haven’t seen shit and we both doubt things will change anytime soon. It looks like they’re laying low for now. All the cameras are almost set up anyway, so we can watch ‘em remotely.”

You nodded happily, excited at the prospect of seeing your boyfriend again soon. You missed him terribly, missed having him by your side every day and in your bed every night. You missed pulling at his hair while his hands were on your hips, fingertips pushing into your bare skin as he drew profanities from your lips. Fuck, you missed him terribly.

“Speaking of cameras,” you grinned, “do you like my new dress? Haven’t had a chance to show you yet.” You asked, getting up from your chair.

You pushed it back so your whole body could get in the frame, your hands slowly running down the length of the pastel gingham dress that made your skin tone stand out beautifully. You could see Bucky closing in on his computer screen to see better, lower lip between his teeth when you twirled for him, making the skirt lift to expose more of your skin. He looked down at the white knee socks that clad your legs and the black Mary-Jane pumps on your feet and his lip turned red from the biting.

“I love it,” he said breathlessly, “really makin’ me miss you right now.”

“I’ve so been lonely without you,” you purred.

To say you’d planned how this would go be a lie. You’d never undressed on camera before and weren’t exactly confident in your abilities to sensually strip for a man, but it was Bucky who you were doing it for and just knowing that made you feel more at ease. Nevertheless, your heart thumped in your chest while your fingers went to the hem of the dress, which ended just above your knees. Bucky frowned as you began to lift the piece of fabric slowly over your thighs, his breath hitching when you looked up into the webcam.

“What’re you doing?” He asked breathlessly, “baby...”

He knew damn well what you were doing, he could see what you were doing with his icy blues, but he was afraid, terrified to think they were deceiving him or that it was all a terribly wonderful dream. Either way, he didn’t want to wake up before having the chance to see it all unfold. Being away from you for so long was starting to remind him of going to war. To make matters worse, he couldn’t just easily jerk off with Steve’s supersoldier hearing. Bucky was itching for release.

“Wanna show you how much I miss you, James,” you cooed, “cause I miss you real bad.”

Your hands left the hem for a moment, fabric dropping to just above your knees again. Then, they found the underside of your breasts, your sternum, your stomach, and your hips. You caressed yourself, flicking your own nipples and fiddling with the cotton straps slowly before you finally lifted the dress up again, further this time. He’d soon be able to see your new underwear, pretty, soft, and pink just like your pussy.

As soon as the fabric of the dress exposed the line of your panties, Bucky was gripping the table in front of him like his life depended on it. He’d never in his life thought about using modern communication devices for, well, sexual purposes, but the growing pressure inside his tactile pants had him suppressing a groan he could hardly keep inside his hot mouth and he had to stop himself from bucking his hips forward in an attempt to create deliciously painful friction against his pants.

Your bra, brand new and the same shade of baby pink with red lace around the wire, his favorite color on you, came into view and he was like a puddle at your feet. You tossed the dress on your bed, allowing your hands to slide up and down your body while he watched you in silence, the only sound being soft jazz music that played through your surround-sound system. Just the thought of his eyes on you getting naked in your bedroom made wetness pool between your legs.

You sauntered back towards the camera, using your hands to lean against the desk so your breasts were pushed together. Your mind was consumed with thoughts of him, had been ever since he was roughly whisked away from you two months ago and Jesus Christ you needed him so bad. It was a fucking sin to be away from him for so long. How the hell did you survive before you met him? How did you get off without his dick?

“Is that new too? Did you buy that for me as well?” He asked, voice gruff and dangerously low.

You nodded, showing off the fabric by coming even closer to the camera. Then, you turned around again, slightly shaking your ass when you showed him the back of your panties up close. Your thumbs hooked under the band on your hips and they smacked against your skin when you let it go again.

“I can’t wait to see you in that in-person, baby. All the things I’m gonna do to you while you’re wearing it. Gonna rip it right off you.”

“Yeah?” you taunted, licking your lips while cupping your bra with both hands.

“You doubtin’ me?” he asked darkly.

“Seeing is believing, Sarge.”

“You’ll see it,” he smirked, “feel it too, when I shove my fucking cock down your throat.”

You sat back down in the chair, squeezing your legs together to stop the ache between them as you shivered. How bad you wished he would come barging into the room right then and there to make you his, how much you needed his hand around your throat while he fucked you mercilessly into the desk, the thoughts were driving you up the fucking wall. You inhaled deeply, a deep breath enough to suck in the courage for what you were about to say.

“I’m so wet for you, James.”

You could hear the sharp intake of breath through the microphone of your laptop. He remained silent for a moment, contemplating what to say. He’d never done this before, but he wanted to make you happy in any way he could. He’d do anything for you, even being thousands of miles away from you.

“Are you now?” he huffed, “guess that since I can’t be there to help you, you’re gonna have to listen to what I tell you to do. Can you do that for me, baby? Be so good for me.”

You nodded quickly, taking your index finger in your mouth and biting the skin in anticipation. He had you writhing in your chair without even touching you. You didn’t know what it was about him, but everything about him turned you on, from the way his jawline was covered in dark scruff to his metal arm, which gleamed beautifully in the artificial motel room light. Everything about him oozed masculinity.

“Show me how wet you are,” he told you, “come on angel.”

You did as told by placing both heels on either side of the desk. He could already see the wet patch in the center of your panties begin to form and this time, Bucky couldn’t help but to let out a throaty groan when memories of him fucking you harshly and relentlessly into the mattress behind you clouded his vision.

“I’ve been so lonely without you, Bucky,” you said, rubbing your fingers across your inner thighs teasingly, “It’s just not the same when I do it.”

He palmed his cock through his pants en began to rub it slowly at the sight of you; one hand moving over your clothed pussy and the other disappearing inside the cup of your bra. You adored way his dark, long hair was tied in a messy bun and wished you could reach through the screen to touch it. You wanted to kiss him, to feel his lips trailing down between your breasts, along your stomach and to the place where you needed him most.

“Take it off,” he grumbled as he undid the button and unzipped his pants, “all of it. Take it off right now.”

He didn’t have to tell you again. Your bra was on the floor in seconds, exposing your perked nipples to the cold air of your room and his wanting gaze. You wiggled out of your panties, dropping them on the ground in front of you. Then, your legs resumed their previous position, one on the left side of your laptop and the other on the right, heels clicking against the wood in anticipation.

You swore you could hear him curse underneath his breath when he caught a view of your naked pussy, glistening with slick and pretty pink contrasted by dark tan lines. He pulled his straining cock free from his boxers at last. It’s hard and thick, so fucking thick it made you want to cry out in desperation. There was no way you could’ve waited another day without at least seeing him, it was downright torture.

“So pretty, baby,” he groaned into his microphone, “touch yourself for me.”

You did as told, placing a finger on your most sensitive place, “Like this?”

You began to rub circles over your clit, finally allowing a moan to escape your lips while Bucky slowly rubbed his throbbing cock.

“Jesus, I want you to come sit on my dick,” his eyes screwed shut, “fuck you ‘til you can’t breathe.”

“Come home then,” you tease, licking your finger before placing it back on your nub, “I’ll sit on your dick all day long.”

“All day? You sure you can handle that?” He asked, eyes opening again just in time to see you plunge your middle finger inside yourself.

You were so hot, burning to the touch and your back arched involuntarily when you dipped your finger in and out of your glistening pussy, “I’ll sit on your dick and your face, Bucky. You’re my favorite seat.”

He chuckled, his grip on his cock tightening in an attempt to mimic the way you felt clenching around him. He envisioned it, your pussy over his mouth, nose pushed against your public bone as his tongue dove in and out of you. He’d grip your ass and smack it red with his metal one while groping your tits with his flesh one, drinking you up as you came in his mouth, driven to near madness from the feeling of his scruff against your most sensitive area.

You couldn’t wait for him to be with you again so he could be the one whose fingers were inside you instead of your own, ready to cave under the pressure of his muscular body on top of you.

“Fuck,” you moaned, plunging another digit in so your middle finger wouldn’t cramp up, “wish you could cum in my mouth.”

“Jesus Christ, I will,” the velvet murmur of his voice reminded you to look up at the camera instead of down at yourself, “soon as I get back to you I’ll cum wherever you want.”

You began to pump faster, rubbing your clit in smaller and more intense circles than before. You could see him do the same, increasing the speed with which he jerked himself off. His face was red and gleaming with sweat, running along his temple and down his neck. Your moans echoed through his speakers and through your room, filling his ears with a sound so delicious it nearly drove him insane.

“Cum for me, baby,” he urged, “I wanna see you make yourself cum like my good girl.”

Pleasure overtook you when his words rang in your ears on repeat, eyes screwing shut when you continued to plunge your fingers inside you at a fast pace. Your hips rolled inside the chair, desperate for as much friction as you could possibly get. It creaked under your jerky movements, but you didn’t pay it any attention when Bucky’s voice filled the room through the speakers.

You tossed your head back in bliss, pressure building so fast and deep inside of you that you knew you couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Keep going,” he urged, “don’t you dare stop, baby.”

“James, fuck” you moaned loudly, “I’m gonna..”

Before you could finish your sentence, you were cumming so hard you saw stars clouding your vision. Your walls clenched around your fingers while you continued to rub circles over your oversensitized clit in an attempt to ride out your orgasm as long as you could. The coil of pleasure inside your lower belly finally snapped, sending sparks before your eyes and your mind blanked.

You shuddered and opened your eyes, watching Bucky stroke himself from tip to base, hair beginning to fall from the bun atop his head the more he tilted his head back.

With a harsh pant, he came all over his stomach, coating the black tactile vest in glossy white spurts of hot cum. He’d have to clean it before tomorrow because his other one had ripped when trying to climb a tree, but right now, all he could think about was how good it felt.

He fell back inside his chair, hands falling limply to his sides while he watched you remove your fingers from inside you.

“We should’ve done this two months ago,” he panted, “could’ve saved me a lot of lonely nights.”

You smiled blissfully, wiping a strand of sticky hair from your forehead.

Still, you couldn’t wait to have him with you for real.

#bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes imagine #marvel imagine #bucky barnes fic #marvel smut #marvel #winter soldier smut #winter soldier fic #winter soldier imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #jammywrites #steve rogers smut

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floraisann · 4 years

Text

ateez reaction: you’re addicted to animal crossing: new horizons

➣ requested? ✓

➣ genre: fluff, humor

➣ masterlist

sorry that some of these are kinda dry 😔 i am try

❅♩♬♩❅――

❥ kim hongjoong:

lets you do your thing tbh

you’ll probably just be vibing in the living room with the switch hooked up to the tv and everything’s great when hongjoong just,,,, moves his work over without saying anything

you’re just ???? and he’s just :)))) the “just another tuesday” grin, you know?

after long enough if you ask him why he moved, he just says he “likes the soundtrack” like bro we do be bopping to the animal crossing ost out here in this quarantine joint

watches you play, only making comments when a villager says something REALLY cursed

really likes marshal— he’s funny

not the type to hate villagers either except chops, fuck chops

once yunho shows him how the custom qr code outfit designs work you’re about to have the most stylish lil mayor that ever roamed the earth

probably also borrows your switch to make your town jingle

overall is just confused by the game dynamic, but likes the music and how happy it’s making you :)

you’re gonna have to put the switch down on your own honey, he’s too caught up in bopping to the music while doing his own work to realize you’ve been playing for eight hours

❥ park seonghwa

has the game too, probably bought it for you so you could build “couple islands” and be THAT cute gamer couple

still probably nags you for gaming too hard if too many hours pass and you’re ignoring basic needs to like,,,, get lolly on your island or something of the sort

but lolly’s cute give him 5 mins to fall in love w god cat

sends you cute in-game love letters when you’re headass six feet away from each other in real time

but it’s ok they’re cute and he likes making you blush

brings his pretty flowers to your island he also steals yours but that’s okay

dumbfounded by your blatant aggression towards certain villagers

offers to “trade” villagers with you to make you happy and marshal scares him please take marshal from him

yes he’ll bring you cute snacks as if you were studying

overall happy that you found something you enjoy together, but will make you take frequent breaks so you don’t put off whatever you actually have to do too much

❥ jeong yunho

didn’t get the hype at first. bought the game since he thought it had to be super fun if you were ignoring him for hours at a time to go bug catching LMFAO

yet when he downloads it there’s a catch

mr epic gamer, unlike you, has the luck of a god and generates an actual island paradise and probably gets a ton of shooting star fragments too 😔✊🏻

you’re the one stealing from his island, but it’s okay he loves you 💕

and he doesn’t quite understand the game yet

gives you star fragments because you can’t get any and he doesn’t want you all sad because you can’t make a wand!!

has all the cute villagers, but if any try to move will give them to you

pays off your tom nook debt because with his luck it probably takes him less than an hour to get filthy rich in game

also figures out the qr code outfits early on. yes he’ll try to make you one, yes he’ll make himself match

overall, he gets the game because of you but does it better because it’s yunho why wouldn’t he xoxo

still makes sure you’re doing what you need to before you go off to work on your island for six hours; the type to offer game rewards he magically obtains as a prize for you after you finish your daily work

oh to be jeong yunho

❥ kang yeosang

the president of the epic gamer club

probably persuaded you to buy it with him so he could rob your island of all your goods

makes you both reset the game until your islands both have good items but are different

so he can steal your fruit :D

“y/n, you— no, restart. you can’t have peach trees, i already have peach trees!”

“dates” where you guys lie on his bed with your consoles, literally just exploring each other’s islands

y’all practically end up sharing two islands. that’s how much you play together

invites you to go raid the other members’ islands

cursed humor carries into the game; like he’ll send you crackhead mail when you least expect it and the content WILL be something that’s only funny because it’s Yeosang

“you make me so incredibly happy, y/n. almost as happy as when tom nook first handed me my nookphone. almost”

celebrates with you when you’re both rid of the ugly villagers

overall impartial to your obsession, rather he’s glad he has someone to steal from share with

still will make you take breaks with him. he loves that you’ve got a pretty island but you need to take care of yourself sweetie

if you don’t listen he will randomly come on your island to beat you up with a shovel xoxo yeosang luvs u 😘

❥ choi san

would not mind the game at all if it weren’t making you IGNORE HIS NEED FOR CUDDLES >:(

tbh san would probably whine about being attention starved for an eternity 15 mins until he realizes his whining isn’t working, and he has no choice but to cuddle up to you while letting you do your thing

by that i mean he’s backseat gamer all the way, no i do not accept criticism

he’d probably just plop down next to you and cuddle into your side or lay on top of you— just positioning himself in some way that he can see your gameplay

the type to cling to you while you play while bothering you until you accept his game opinions as fact

can and will make you kick out the villagers he thinks are ugly

“i just want you to kick that smelly limberg out, is that really too much to ask?”

probably spent 10 minutes absolutely losing his shit over the animal crossing language

“WHY ARE THEY TALKING IN KEYBOARD SMASH?”

takes the next half hour to learn how to speak it

so next time you play too long and ignore him, will shut off your switch then lay down on you and scream acnh villager language gibberish in your EAR

"you didn’t have a problem with that voice three hours ago when you were talking to that cat rosie!!” :(

if you really ignore him and never stop playing NOTHING is stopping him from being dramatic and saying smth like “y/n, i can’t take this anymore! choose, me or him!”

“him” is tom nook

why the fuck would you pick tom nook

❥ song mingi

knows the game is popular but wasn’t bothered to try playing

so when he sees you, curled up on the couch in the same position he saw you two hours ago just with one less family sized bag of chips, he quietly sighs to himself and sits next to you

“is the game really that interesting?”

when you nod, he ends up like san and kind of chills with you, backseat gaming mode

except he isn’t yelling at you to kick out the ugly villagers, he can already see you trying on your own

gets shocked when the first tarantula appears and you get bitten

occasionally gives input on what he thinks you can do to have a better island

makes you go on an island tour so he can see what you headass just spent the last week making

actually is impressed by how much work you put into your virtual island

congrats! you’ve unlocked an achievement! : gaming livestream date for song mingi

will decide for himself who the cutest villager is then act cute and ask if he looks like them. it’s probably gonna be kid cat. tell him he does. please, Tell Him he looks like kid cat

basically i don’t think he’d be that put off by you getting addicted to the game because!!! acnl is the most relaxing game ever he likes to watch you while he unwinds after a long day

if you play too long though he won’t really say much, just sit by you pouting like :(((( “lov me”

pls love him, the big babie 🥺

❥ jeong wooyoung

another member that probably has the game, but isn’t as obsessed as you

will beg you for shooting star fragments if you get any though. please get this man a wand

does not get WHY you’re trying so hard on your island layout. literally only wants one villager, his island can go to shit so long as he has that one villager

that one villager is probably gonna be molly or something

another member who learns how to imitate animal crossing speak, except his voice is already in the correct pitch

makes fun of you complaining about a villager you hate but it all comes back to bite him in the ass once moose shows up on his island and he gets it

you guys are having a competition to see who can get sprinkle on your island first

spoiler alert: he wins, he stole her from seonghwa

(he steals a lot from seonghwa)

overall happy with the fact that you guys have a game to play together

but if you grind too hard on your own and ignore him for hours at a time can and will invade your island to steal your fruit and trample your flowers. AND send you spam mail

sorry

❥ choi jongho

doesn’t care for the game, and he’s mostly chill too so he’ll probably just vibe in the other room while you play, waiting for you to finish so he can do something with you

comes out a few hours later when you’re (still) lying on the couch, angrily button mashing while muttering curses to yourself

he’s really confused tbh, he’s seen yeosang play, he knows you don’t gotta go that hard to be a successful mayor, so he HAS to ask what the fuck you’re so mad about

“i’m TRYING to catch a blittering at the moment, but i keep getting these stupid carps!!! i have a debt to pay off, god!!”

becomes infinitely more amused with the game after that point

he thinks its so funny how someone could get heated while playing through probably the most relaxing game ever

watches you fish; he enjoys the puns and seeing you get frustrated when you keep catching those goddamn carps

probably takes the switch from you at one point to try his hand at it and catches a koi fish in his first five minutes

“i guess you just suck at fishing, y/n”

overall pretty unbothered by your love for the game until you start ignoring him

then he will threaten your in-game apples, saying he’s .2s away from stealing one of his members’ switches just to brawl with your trees

and we all know who’s gonna win between jongho and apples

#ateez #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #ateez headcanons #ateez scenarios #ateez writing #ateez x reader #ateez fluff #ateez humor #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho

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theravencawsatmidnight · 4 years

Text

Writing Prompts! Continuation for “Here Kitty Kitty” with Aizawa and Cat Quirk Pro Hero reader.

I love this little Prompt so much i- hfcrgb.

This is the third part for it! If you would like to read the Original Prompt and Part 2 its under the CattyAizawa tag!!!

A/N. This is super soft♥️ i hope its okay that its not a NSFW thing. (Pt3!)

Aizawa moved you into his home the day after youre heat started. He had to go back to teaching at UA soon and did not want to wait, he also did not want you walking around by youreself after a patrol while youre heat was around. You were upset that he had to go back to UA but there was nothing you could really do. He was a Pro Hero and a Teacher. When you were all moved in Aizawa brought you to his bed to hold and cuddle you . He nibbled at youre ear and you looked up at him purring loud untill he looked at you.

“Yes kitten?”

“When do you go back?”

“Tomorrow.” He answered , his voice low and exhausted. Poor guy did not want to go back.

You purred into his chest sending vibrations down to his legs . He chuckled pulling you close to him cupping youre face and kissing you gently .

“Youre making it harder for me to go back ya know. You think Nezo will believe me if i tell him my cat needs me?”

“Didint you use that line the three years i was there?” You teased nuzzling at his scruffy cheeks getting a chuckle out of him.

“Yes i did Kitten, do you know how many times id have to leave a meeting because you got into a fight with someone?”

“Maybe.. two..”

He nibbled youre ear making a “un uh “ sound and you squeaked trying to get away from him. Aizawa held you tight laughing for a minute.

“Almost every meeting i had for three years. Someone would run in and say ‘Aizawa, they are at it again’ and i would have to say to Nezo . ‘Sorry, my cat needs me.’”

You purred and couldint help but have a huge smile on youre face . Those three years of cat and mouse were youre favorite. Everytime he would drag you away from whoever you were fighting with his capture tape and just give you this tired ‘really? Again?’ Look .

“He might. Will you say it anyway and tell me?”

Aizawa laid you down getting ontop of you , he leaned down rubbing his scruff on you making you laugh and struggle under him for awhile. Aizawa cupped youre face kissing you lovingly and deeply. You purred making his face and shoulder vibrate . Aizawa pulled away to smile down at you and stroke youre cheek.

“Im pretty sure he would suspend me, kitten. I wont be here when you wake up too..”

He frowned at youre down ears . He really did not want to leave you. Running into you like this was the light in his dark world. Even when he knew you would be here when he got home , he still did not want to go. And youre heat worried him, it would last for at least a week and if he could tell it was happening .. then others could too. You purred up at him pawing at his face making him blink and lose his train of thought.

“Youll be okay kitten?”

“Yes sensei.. ill be here . I have no plans to go out when i dont need to patroll.”

He laid his head down on youre chest listening to you purr. As cheesy as it was .. it was his favorite song . The gentle vibrations mixing with youre heartbeat sent him into a very content and happy state. Sometimes he would even pull you to him placing his ear on youre chest just to listen for a minute while you ran youre fingers through his hair.

“Kitten..tomorrow im going to look up some things about youre heat. See if theres anything i can do to help while im not here.”

“Okay Sensei. I might.. have a nest when you get home. Its just a pile of youre clothes that have youre scent.”

“Is my scent that strong? I thought that was just Alphas and Omegas.”

“Well.. as long as you have a animal quirk .. you can smell it. And youres makes me crazy heh.”

Aizawa rubbed his scruff on you again with a tired smile on his face. “Oh kitten.. you make me so happy. That makes me so happy”

“You make me happy too Sensei.”

You kissed his lips and Aizawa laid his head back down listening to you purr all night. One of his favorite things about you was you stayed up all night sometimes with him . You purred for hours and sometimes would get tripped up because it tickled and you would have to stop and laugh. Aizawa would laugh and have to get up and get you some water. Sometimes he would spoon you so he could nibble youre ear and stroke youre tail too. Whichever he chose , you loved it.

In the morning Aizawa was already up watching the coffee pot. He was leaning on the counter with his arms crossed thinking.

The nest was okay, he didint mind that .

His scent could help you .

He sighed pouring his coffee into his cat cup taking a slow much needed sip. Was there anyone at UA he could ask ? He peaked in on you before leaving to see you curled up asleep purring quietly. He smiled watching for a minute. “Have a good day kitten.” Quietly he left the house and groaned up at the sky. He took another sip of his coffee and made his way to UA.

At UA Aizawa was in the teachers lounge browsing the internet for anything that could help you. The scent thing seemed to be a top result along with breeding . He laid his cheek on his palm resting his elbow on his desk groaning. He was so busy searching he did not see Midnight walk in . She went over to him to say hi but got no response. She blinked leaning down to look at him and then the computor screen. She got a huge grin on her face and she elbowed him breaking his focus.

“So whos the lucky lady?”

Aizawa looked less than thrilled , no one exactly knew you were with Aizawa. He groaned into his palm and Midnight elbowed him again.

“You cant tell anyone , no one knows”

“Sure thing , you can trust me.”

“Do you.. remember Y/N? Graduated last year?”

“Oh yeah! Where did you find her?”

“She was interning with the Wild Wild PussyCats. They made her wear their uni-“

He blinked realizing he told her to much but it was too late. Midnight was covering her mouth trying not to laugh.

“Uhgnn.”

“Aizawa!!!” She slapped his shoulder making him lean forward and grunt.

“Keep youre voice down.. shes in heat i dont know how to help if im not there.”

She leaned down close to his ear. “Cmon tell me , did you do it there?”

“Yes.”

“Oouu!!! With all the students there Aizawa you naughty teacher!”

“Can you help me or not?”

Midnight giggled turning the keyboard to her typing something up . She pointed to the screen and Aizawa felt himself get aroused .

“It wont help her physically but it helps reassure her that shes youre wittle kitty cat!!!”

Aizawa closed the window and got up ignoring her , a small smile on his face.

You woke up maybe an houre after Aizawa left. You were craving his scent today and just him holding you. You had to force youreself to get up and get in the shower. When you got out you mewed all day for him . Laying in his bed wasint enough though..

You got up going to the closet pulling his yellow sleeping bag out and pulling down some of his shirts and pants. The pile of clothes fell on the sleeping bag and you crawled under it getting inside the sleeping bag mewing loud all day.

Aizawa came home to a quiet house, he went down to his room to see... a pile of his clothes ontop of his sleeping bag. He heard you purring and saw little movement in his sleeping bag. Aizawa snapped a picture on his phone and went over couching down liftinh one of his shirts to see youre sad face.

“Hi kitten. I brought you something.” He held up a little bag and you sat up falling out of his sleeping bag clinging to him.

Aizawa smiled squeezing you as tight as he could. He let out a very long sigh of relief . He was so happy to have you in his arms again. You peaked up at him mewing and he rubbed youre ear and kissed youre fore head.

“I missed you too Kitten. Here open this “

You sat down between his legs peaking in the bag . Youre ears shot up straight and you took the item out . It was a pretty light red collar with a heart in the front.

“I rubbed it on my shirt so hopfully it smells like me.”

You held it out to him and he put it on you and kissed you deeply. He wrapped his arms around you getting in the sleeping bag and turning you to face him.

“Like it?”

“..i love it.. thank you..”

He chuckled kissing youre cheek. “Youre welcome kitten”

#CattyAizawa #aizawa shouta #aizawa x reader #my hero academia fanfiction #my hero academia #boku no hero fanfic #my hero academia class a #midnight

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aurora-daily · 5 years

Text

A free bird

Interview: AURORA for Dagbladet Magazine (June 25th, 2019). Translated by fromthespaceamundo.

Anyone who loves Aurora Aksnes (23) will always come in second place.

THE FREEDOM OF FREEDOM: As a child, the record-breaking Aurora Aksnes (23) felt differently from other children. As an adult, she experiences the differentness as her greatest strength.

«It's art that keeps me up. And hunger. It's an eternal hunger.» says Aurora Aksnes.

From a red velvet sofa in a secluded corner of the Hotel Bristol, the pop artist has an overview of the buzzing room. Her third album A Different Kind of Human (Step 2) came on June 7, which got a 5 stars rating on Dagbladet and by Aftenposten was characterized as Aurora's most complete release so far. After the tour in South America, she is ready for festival summer and Norwegian tour. On June 28, she played at the Glastonbury Festival for her warriors & weirdos, the nickname she has given to her fans.

Since her artistic debut in 2014 and international breakthrough with a cover version of the Oasis song «Half the World Away», the 23-year-old has marked herself with self-written pop and distinctive talent for creating her own universe. She is acclaimed by artists like Katy Perry and has 570,000 followers on Instagram. The music press often portrays her as a kind of eccentric child, which is supported by the fact that Aurora appears barefoot in TV interviews, and privately has a fascination for moths and algae balls.

But she does not drink more than one beer, the concentration and strength of her blue gaze in combination with a low-pitched, clear voice, is more striking than her narrow sense of interest. Ever since she, as a 9-year-old, discovered the magic sounds that could be created with an old electronic keyboard she found on her parents' attic, Aurora has known the meaning of life:

«I could sacrifice all contact with others if I had to. I could sacrifice everything. I don't need anything else but to make music. Then I understand why I'm here.»

Aurora's lyrical universe is a lot about exclusion, but even though she writes about everything, from loneliness to suicide, outsiders are made into insiders in her songs, while the insiders appear as outsiders. On the title song, «A Different Kind of Human», she sings:

«We have come here for you, and we're coming in peace Mothership will take you higher, higher»

Is your own mothership hungry?

«In a way. Because hunger takes me where I am going to be.»

A different kind of human, what is that?

«Many people think that it is me because I have often felt different, but the lyrics have nothing to do with that. I ask people to make a choice and remind them that they can choose to be a different kind of human. If everybody had chosen it, the world would be a good place to live in.»

Have you chosen it yourself?

«Long ago.» Aurora responds calmly.

When did you choose it?

«When I realized I had a choice. I was a smart kid, so I noticed quickly that I am in place with people similar to me, but different. I had other dreams, interests and questions compared to the other kids. I remember thinking, ‘I don't belong here.’ At that time it felt negative, but I made a choice not to suppress it. I quickly removed the need to be understood and found the peace of mind that being alone is okay.»

At home, in the small town of Drange in the municipality of Os, the parents gave the youngest daughter room to be herself. Older sisters Miranda (32) and Viktoria Aksnes (29) were for some time afraid that the individualistic little sister, who used cut socks as arm warmers and make her own outfits, would be bullied. The problem was rather that the friends wanted more time with Aurora than she managed to give. After school, she was often out in the woods until her parents called her home for dinner with a bell.

«Mom and dad helped me be free. I was introverted as a kid, I was not so interested in people. I could sit alone for hours and thought it was great. I often chose to be alone rather than being with friends.»

When the family was to adopt a kitten from the Animal Protection Agency, Aurora had to choose. High up on a refrigerator, meowing alone, lay an old, a big and gray cat.

«I remember the first day of school. The kittens were like the other kids in the schoolyard with a lot of noise and nonsense. I recognized myself in Tulla.»

For the rest of her cat life, Tulla went to school bus stop daily to wait for Aurora and follow her through the forest towards home. It seemed that cats knew when she would show up, even though the schedule varied. Tulla never missed the moment.

«She didn't really like to be a tamed cat, but we had a strong connection.»

WAR OF WOMEN: Aurora Aksnes will give her fans, all the «warriors & weirdos», strength and acceptance to be themselves. Photo: Agnete Brun.

CURRENTLY:

• Known under the artist name AURORA. • Newcomer of the year during the Spellemann Prize of 2015. Won the Spellemann Prize of 2016 in the best pop soloist category and also took the prize for best music video. • Currently with the album «A Different Kind of Human (Step 2)». Sings on the Frozen 2 trailer. The film will premiere this fall.

One morning the Easter Bunny glowed from the couch in the living room, the next day it had found its way to the top of the roof. But when the rabbit joined Aurora Aksnes to the school and she entertained her classmates with colorful stories, a sudden sense of concern emerged in the classroom.

«The teachers thought I didn't understand the difference between reality and imagination,» recalls Aurora.

«They were worried about me. Then mom said, ’No, that's how she should be. And it's going to be her strength.’» The sense of alienation was lifted by her.

«It was very defining. It was the first time anyone was really up to me. I stood up for myself a lot, I never asked for help either. But at that time my mother stood up for me, and I have never forgotten that.»

To date, her mother's words work like a compass. Aurora stretches her flimsy arms out in front of her and slightly twists her wrists. Her glance glides at a beautiful, solid chandelier before returning.

«I knew there was a reason why I should cultivate a friendship with myself. I was going to need it. It is important that anyone who feels out of place gets a chance to see what understanding is for them in the world.»

She is most frightened to find that people do not understand what she means. She often meets a lack of understanding in depth. For Aurora, whose name means «the goddess of dawn», sunset and sunrise are not only a «a nice thing.» They are nature's short-lived works of art. Beautiful, but perishable, they give her both intense joy and sorrow.

«I think it is scary to perhaps never be fully understood. But maybe there is no real insider. Everyone experiences being an outsider, some just more than others. Acceptance is important in my world. And music... music is a healing instrument.»

CHILD PICTURE: A young Aurora Aksnes. Photo: Private.

NEWBORN: Dad Jan Øystein Aksnes with baby Aurora. Photo: Private.

REMEMBER THE TIME: Mom May Britt Aksnes works as a midwife and has encouraged her daughters to choose what feels right for themselves, rather than listening to others. Aurora herself feels like an alternative health worker: «Music is a healing instrument.» Photo: Private.

Ideally, she would have started rolling over the vacant floor space of the Bristol Library Bar, or asked someone to lift her up to be able to touch the crystals of the huge chandelier, but such impulses Aurora has learned to suppress. Guests are not allowed to put their feet on the tables.

«I have learned that the impulses can be unpleasant for people, but I have also learned when to give in to them. They can escalate if I feel insecure, but if it happens I consciously use them when there is something I do not want to talk about, or when I want to divert.»

FESTIVAL: A graduation-dressed mom May Britt, sisters Miranda, Aurora and Viktoria, as well as dad Jan Øystein Aksnes. Photo: Private.

This is how the 23-year-old makes twice as old music professionals listen. However, the leap from a natural western upbringing to the demands of an international artist was the toughest part. The NRK documentary Once Aurora (2018) reveals how Aurora has previously felt pressured to release music she does not care for and struggles to find the balance between closeness and distance to fans. She was discovered by chance when a friend posted a school video of a singing Aurora on Facebook.

«I never really wanted to become an artist. It just happened. There was a lot of pressure, a lot of sounds, a lot of work and a too much people for someone like me, who really likes the opposite. Then it helps if I have a meaning greater than myself, to see that I can help others. Making good music gives me a very special feeling. I get a sense of security in myself. I know why I'm here, what to fill the time with, and I have something to run after all the time. Something to look for that is inside me.»

Aurora puts a narrow hand on her chest and pauses a little before she continues with diligence:

«It is absolutely magical to have such a meaning in life. I never get completely unhappy when I have it. Suddenly I have people who listen, and I have a meaning in my lyrics, in who I am on stage, in that I suddenly want to write political stuff, not only emotional stuff.»

Aurora's message is: Help yourself before helping others. Stand on your own power. Be yourself.

«I learned this the hard way in a period when I was having a hard time. I struggled with panic anxiety when I was like 18-19 years old and saw how little functional I was, how little I was able to create, how little I could help others.»

The fact that she comes from a family where mental illness appears in several parts of the father's family, while artistic talent exists on both sides of the family, Aurora regards it as a strength. Her sister, Viktoria Aksnes, was diagnosed with bipolarity type 2 in the summer of 2016, and describes Aurora as one of the strongest people she knows and a great supporter.

«I learned early to be strong for others. And then I've learned a lot from my own journey in the world. I have traveled alone since I was 16. I have known grief and need, and the importance of being true to yourself,» says Aurora.

How did you get on your feet when you had panic anxiety?

«By giving myself time, not putting pressure on myself. Being kind to myself, I made sure I got what I needed to work on. You can't do anything for others until you are your perfect self. And this is not when you have many shadows.»

What were your shadows?

«They have been different things. But the biggest shadow was probably the shadow of my own success in 2016, which I didn't understand and didn't quite accept. I felt trapped in the reality that this is now a job. You're not your own secret anymore, you have to share yourself with the world, and that's the way it is.»

She stretches her arms, which are slightly clad in a cropped top under a mesh top that matches the tulle skirt over green harem pants. Aurora has mastered the art of looking simple and intricate at the same time. All her styling is done in collaboration with her older sisters: Miranda Aksnes — who she lives with in Bergen and who is often on tour with her — takes care of her makeup, while designer-educated Viktoria sews the stage attire.

«I'm stubborn and always making my own things. Magazines will often try to style me, but then I just say that I want what I like. I don't like people touching my face, only Miranda is allowed to. I do my hair myself, I do not like when people touch my hair either.»

What happens then?

«I can get really hot and then I get angry. I don't like being caught on that much. Hugging is hard. I need freedom and space. But I love people holding my hands, or taking my arm.»

Was that why you studied sign language as an elective?

Aurora, who dreamed of being a researcher in molecular biology, but dropped out from high school to spend full time on making music after the second grade, bursts into a vibrant laugh.

«Yes. I also liked the sign language because I stuttered a little. When I'm excited and girded, I still stutter, but the worst was when I had German, which is a choppy language.»

The stuttering started when Joop, a Dutch family friend and Aurora's confidant, died on Christmas Eve. During the Christmas service, the Aksnes family found out that he had died, and the funeral was held in the Christmas room. 11-year-old Aurora felt both her own sadness and the sadness of everyone around. It became so overwhelming and intense that she threw up afterwards.

«It was when I learned that funerals are not for me. It was absolutely awful Singing is easier than sitting on the benches and feeling your own and everyone else's pain. No, I do not like funerals, I get nothing out of them. Especially if the dead are young.»

They are many. When Aurora went to junior high school, her sister Viktoria lost a close friend. He was a 18 years old and died in bed by an undetected heart defect. At high school, Aurora's friend from the sign language class died in a traffic accident.

«I sang at my friend's funeral. She was kind, it was heavy.»

There was someone who committed suicide too?

«Yes, a friend of ours from Os. He was good, very good. And then I had one tho whom I was very close who died in Utøya. A boy I was in love with. He was lovely.»

Was he your boyfriend?

«We probably were, even though I was very young back then. I was 15 when he passed away. He was 17.»

The buzz in the room is increasing, but in Aurora's corner it is quiet. Suddenly she says:

«Eight days after someone I had been fond of passed away, I felt a presence. On every eight day it is if they were still here, and then no more. That's why track eight is always the title track on my albums. There is something magical about the number eight.»

You said you'd like to release eight albums?

«Yes. Even numbers are special to me: Eight is sad, eleven gives me more hope. My first album came out on the 11th. I can only have eleven songs on the album. And then track number eight is the most important one, always. I can't explain why, it's just like that and must be that way. You can find out a lot about me if you know that I love even numbers.»

She is also a warrior of love. Songs like «Queendom» have caused the LGBT community to embrace her music. The love society, Aurora calls it, who is open about her relationship with both men and women. The freedom to not define sexuality she feels is greater in her generation than among the elderly.

«I am very proud of that, because we put a label on everything. I think it is so lovely that we let love be love. Sometimes you need labels because you belong to a place, but I don't need it myself. I just feel that I am one of the many endorsers of love.»

Have you always known that you could fall for women?

«No, but I noticed that I could be captivated by them. Falling for a woman is different than falling in love with a man. A kind of mutual admiration. Something more intellectual.»

A sort of recognition?

«Yes, some kind of strength and admiration. I want to learn something from the women I fall for. With men it is perhaps a little more sexual. It is interesting to note that there is a difference.»

AURORA AKSNES

• Born: June 15, 1996. • Family: Mother, father and two sisters. I don't want to say I'm single, but I don't have a boyfriend. I'm in love. • Best feature: Independence. • Worst feature: I can be stubborn. But the best and the worst is that I am very emotional. • Reads: Only fantasy. • Listens to: Enya and heavy metal. I often fall asleep to heavy metal. It's heavy and delicious to listen to. • Watching: Ghibli films, from Japan. Spirited Away. If I need to cry, I watch The Grave of the Fireflies. It's sad. • Being provoked by: Injustice. • Admires: People's ability to cope with the invisible obstacles. • Afraid of: Dying before I have made eight albums. I'm very afraid of that, because I have to do that. • Dream destination: Moon. • To do in ten years: Maybe album number eight.

«I sang at my friend's funeral. It was heavy.»

- Aurora Aksnes (23), artist.

How are those you fall for? Do they also have algae in the fridge?

Aurora laughs at the hint of the algae ball Igor Septimus, who recently passed away in a glass of water because she had forgotten to place him in the cool and the apartment became too hot and dry for five weeks of absence.

«No, but there are often people who are free too. I like strong, stubborn ladies. I love the world to have such ladies, and I treat myself to have such a lady in my life. It is an extra spiritual thing with women that creates curiosity.

That you are hungry and can do without anything other than art? How are you at loving others?

«I think I'm hard to love. It must be difficult learning to be loved a little less than to be hungry. You always come in second place.»

Are you honest about this with those you have been with?

«I have been.»

How have they taken it?

«I haven't had so many lovers in my life so far. I love a lot and can fall fast. But then it fades over quickly because nothing can match what I feel when I make music.»

Aurora is looking for the words that can describe the indescribable.

«It is the closest thing I have to anything divine, I think. I can only find a lover who understands it. One who has passion. One who also knows what it means to create something. One with the same hunger. That can be the weird art of appreciating oneself. And they must know that music is under number one. Everything else comes afterwards. Even if I had children.»

Then the children would be...

«...number two. I know that. I have a lot of love in me, and I think I could be a good mother. I want a child who can inherit the house at Drange, which my father has built, and we, the daughters, will surely take over. That's what I'm thinking of. I don't know if that is good enough reason», she comments.

«But I had probably struggled with the conscience because I haven't managed to take a break from the studio during the whole day. It's a nice feeling that I want to give my mom and dad a grandchild, but for the time being I have no room for anything but music.»

To keep control, Aurora has learned to play various instruments and started producing her own music. The toughest thing she has had to realize is that she can not totally reproduce her own visions.

«I hear sounds that do not exist yet. So it is not entirely possible to reproduce what I have inside me, and I have accepted that. But I'm going to work a whole life to make it happen.»

FUTURE DREAM: «I dream of buying and living on my own island in Hordaland. There I will have cats, chickens and wild sheep and make music.» says Aurora. Photo: Agnete Bun.

«Falling for a woman is different than falling in love with a man.» «I'm hard to love. You always come in second place»

- Aurora Aksnes

Translator's Note: special credits for agenahadar from the Warriors and Weirdos forum for sharing the original article in Norwegian language.

#aurora #aurora aksnes #interviews #step 2

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seven-oomen · 3 years

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Hi, Ben! Hope you had a good day, and are finally getting some rest! So, did you know there are sites that let you design your own ugly Christmas sweaters? May I present the one that Peter’s husbands get him for a party? Except then the jokes on them because he won’t stop wearing it EVERYWHERE (at least I hope the image shows? It saved in a different format on the site I used for this.) Also, if you were ever to actually make a shirt of it, I would suggest an image from the reaction GIF you used for the alignment/meta anon. Because, my god, that smirk. XD (Also, they are totally right. And it is hilarious to me that the two officers of the law are firmly [and accurately] on the neutral side of that axis. XD )

And I’m still screaming over that latest preview. He just wants cuddles and ear scritches, Noah! The saliva will dry, he’s just showing his appreciation for your support. XD And oh, yeah I knew he would eventually get better, it was more me trying to decide how quickly I was hoping for it to happen. My “I want it asap because I hate seeing them in pain” side was warring with my “but nightmare creature cuddles would be adorbs, tho?” side (and they are). :D Also, terrible thought brought on by working at my job too long: since I don’t think that form has a tail like a wolf (I don’t really remember noticing one, at least?), do you think that since he can’t wag, he starts doing the wiggle-butt thing like boxers and pits tend to do? (sorry, the thought occurred to me and I couldn’t make it stop. XD )

Also, how dare you put the image of Noah and Chris cuddling in the window seat watching the snow fall while the listen to Peter singing ‘Hallelujah’ as he finishes the dishes, in my head? Or them sitting at the table having coffee and joining him for the choruses? Or Chris singing along with Tony Bennett or Harry Connick Jr on the local Christmas station? Or Noah singing along with Chris Cornell’s version of Ave Maria (or doing a damn good impression at least [song is available on Spotify, btw, if you’ve not heard it])? My body was not meant to hold this level of feral screaming, dude. XD

For the undecided alignment (that don’t involve spoilers), I would vote LN for Danny and CG for John. No specific reasons, that’s just what feels right at the moment. And I’m curious if Noah and the kids have been in the vault at all, because Malia would be able to access it.

And, yes, I am all for mutual body positivity support among the boys. I remember watching some BTS thing a few years back, and Linden said something about how everyone was “running around without their shirts on, and I just feel kinda old and jiggly”, and my very first thought was “Oh, please. You may not be I’ve-had-nothing-but-chicken-for-a-week-and-haven’t-had-liquids-in-three-days ripped like the other guys, but in no way will you ever convince me you are actually out of shape in the slightest." Also, I’m just picturing a scene where Noah accidentally(/on purpose…?) looms over Chris, who just has this moment of "oh, yeah, that’s right, you’re tall now” immediately followed by “well, I am learning a number of new things about myself right now" XD On a related note, how do you think he feels about dip kisses after realizing this? Although, I do hope Noah does not sweep Chris off his feet in quite the same way Chris keeps doing to him. XD

On an unrelated note, that post about Artoo and Luke about killed me dead. XD Artoo’s propensity for shenanigans and Luke’s pervading issues with impulse control is just a complete recipe for hilarious disaster and total ride-or-die besties. It also reminded me of the post about how Rogue One leads into New Hope and Leia straight up lying right to her dad’s face. Which, while hysterical, also makes me think about how many posts I see about how Leia is very much her father’s daughter, but almost never see any that point out how much Luke is his mother’s son. I just have a LOT OF FEELINGS about this, okay? But I will contain that rant. XD (Star Wars has been an on-again-off-again love for me since I was 9. It’s pretty much a guaranteed way to get an emotional response out of me. XD )

And I’m glad Mo doesn’t bother the tree or anything, though the box thing is pretty funny. But he does seem to have that very cat-like tendency to want to completely block you from accessing the keyboard or pin you in place because he’s laying on you and you don’t want to disturb him, so I think he’s catting just fine. XD I mean, I have some friends who one of their cats is immune to scruffing (the downside of this is that he’s also almost completely feral still [he was a stray that stayed], and at one point he got a UTI and needed antibiotics. I’m pretty sure my friend had to get like a falconing glove or something to get his pills in him. XD )

That America being huge vs Europe being old thing also made me laugh because there was the section about the "long bus ride” that was like two hours, and all I could think about was how often we drove four hours both ways to visit my grandparents, and how in high school we took a trip to Canada, and I don’t remember the exact length of the bus ride up, but I know it was between twenty-three and twenty-eight hours.

And I hope you’re enjoying the Spiderman game, or will when you get to it! As best I recall, everyone I know who has played it has had nothing but good things to say about it. And wow, I’m rambling again. Oh well. Anyway, hope you’re doing well, and sending lots of good energy for finishing the chapter to your satisfaction (I know the readers certainly don’t mind the longer chapters. :D ) Take care! *Hugs!*

Oh my god I am absolutely in love with that sweater. Why is this not a thing XD

And yeah, they definitely gift Peter a sweater like that, lbr. No other way about it. It definitely backfires when Peter wears it every single year and to everywhere. Including PT meetings and the parent/school board meetings? I forgot the American word for it, in Dutch we call it ouderraad. I know we talked about them before where Peter starts a war with the ‘Karen’ and completely wrecks her. And how all the other moms fall in love with the three DILFS.

But yeah, wears it everywhere and every year XD.

Noah’s deputies, including Jordan, have definitely snapped pictures and post them on every computer desktop in the station. Including pictures of Noah’s reaction faces of that sweater.

Because you cannot convince me, that a bunch of cops, would not be dicks about this.

Chris is infinitely grateful that he does not have coworkers like that.

And god that is rather good smirk to go with that line XD. And yeah I guess it is funny. But it’s also true and that’s wow... XD

I did a character alignment test for Peter and came out on CN so that is what I’m going to stick with in any itteration for him.

As for the wiggle butt thing, he does not have a tail and I already had a very lengthy inner discussion with myself before getting this ask and I can tell you, he does wiggle butt like a boxer in this form. Imagine a fucking beast like that just wiggle butting with happiness. The image is so bizarre that I had to include it in the full moon chapter.

Chris is definitely learning a number of things about himself when he figures out Noah can now loom over him and press him against walls. Also Chris has a thing for being bound or pressed against objects and when Noah figures that one out, well, let’s say Peter certainly doesn’t mind watching those moments.

There’s also a revelation when Chris says; I can easily get out of these handcuffs and Noah translates it too; Good, that means that as long as you don’t try to, you’re consenting to whatever I’m doing to you. Deal? To which Chris, enthusiastically agrees. It’s a very fun game. Peter disagrees because they tend to lock him out during the games with some ash, although he is invited back in after they’re done and then the attention of two Omegas is fully on him. So I suppose he doesn’t mind too much.

Something that is both funny and sweet though is that through Ben, Noah discovers how much he misses having little kids running around. And he has a few moments of; oh god I want another kid realizations in this chapter.

Of course, considering their situation this isn’t the time and Noah more than realizes that. But it gets conversations about the future going for all three of them.

Oh and to answer your question, Malia has not been to the vault, but she and her siblings will get to see it. If that’s with dad or with Derek I haven’t decided yet. But they will end up at the vault in this story. Gotta get Peter’s necklace back.

So far I’ve had a bit of a rough day but by answering this and focusing on headcanons, and that freaking sweater!!!!, I feel a bit better. So thank you my friend, this helped me a lot <3.

And I agree, Leia is just like her father but Luke is all Padme and people don’t talk about that enough. <3

Lots of Love from me and Mo!

#once upon a time comments #ben says stuff #my convos with anon #B #submission

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fire-toolz · 4 years

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My family's beloved 16-year-old Siamese cat, Webley, died in my arms last year. He'd been a sleek fat kitty before he got ill, but he'd lost weight and lost weight till he was little more than a bedraggled shadow. At the end he could barely lift his head, and then the vet gave him the shot and he couldn't lift his head at all. I was scratching his ears as I'd so often done before, and suddenly they dropped, and whatever I was petting wasn't Webley anymore. It's one of the worst memories of my life.

I've been thinking about Webley a lot while listening to the new Fire-Toolz album, Rainbow Bridge, which comes out May 8 on local label Hausu Mountain. Angel Marcloid, a Chicago musician who records as Fire-Toolz (as well as under several other names), made Rainbow Bridge about her 16-year-old cat, Breakfast, also a Siamese, who died in December 2018. The album is an idiosyncratic collage of guttural death-metal roars, electronic bleeps, and vaporwave ambience. Bleak, sweet, and quietly unflinching, it slides back and forth between two emotional poles: one boils with rage and grief, while the other is steeped in a comforting lyricism as gentle as a cat rubbing its chin against your hand. "It's been a while, but I think about her every day," Marcloid says. "I still have moments where I feel her close and I just cry a whole bunch. I've got her ashes two feet from me right now. I have a tattoo of her on my chest. So yeah, I'm happy to honor her in my music."

From as early as she can remember, Marcloid says, music made her feel things "that are just so abstract and visceral and hard to put your finger on." She was born near Annapolis in 1984 to a music-loving family; her parents constantly played CDs of hair metal, the Beatles, and her all-time favorite band, Rush. Marcloid started making little drum sets out of pots and pans almost as soon as she could walk.

Her first public performance was when she was seven. Her parents knew a local bar band, and she sat in with them to play drums on a cover of the Black Crowes' "Hard to Handle."

"This is a smoky bar, women showing their boobs and stuff—it was not an environment for kids!" Marcloid says. "But I sat down with the drum kit and we played the songs, and they were just amazed. They were looking back at me while we were playing, like, 'Holy shit! This kid's actually keeping time!' I'll never forget walking off that stage, and all these drunk, smelly adults cheering me on, and a couple of people just gave me money. 'You're awesome, kid! Here's 20 dollars!'"

Marcloid soon taught herself to play guitar and bass too, and her musical interests expanded. As a child she had a formative late-night exposure to Morbid Angel's 1993 video for "Rapture" via MTV's Headbangers Ball, and soon she was also listening to jazz and electronica. She performed in several short-lived bands, and in the late 2000s she launched her own label, also called Rainbow Bridge. Through it Marcloid released cassettes and CDs by other musicians, as well as a blizzard of her own music under various names—including ambient acoustic music as the Human Excuse, punky dream pop with the trio Shadow Government, and electroacoustic noise as Water Bullet.

Marcloid came to Chicago in 2012 to move in with a girlfriend, who owned several cats and had just adopted Breakfast. Like most Siamese, Marcloid says, Breakfast "has always been a little strange." She was neurotic and disliked the other cats, and she never really warmed up to Marcloid's partner. In fact she only had one clear favorite. "She took to me immediately," Marcloid says, "and always wanted to be on me and just wanted to spend all her time with me." When Marcloid and her partner split up, there was no question who Breakfast would go with. The kitty ended up spending most of her life in Marcloid's bedroom to avoid other cats. "The rest of the house was just scary for her. There were too many other cat smells," Marcloid says.

"On the one hand, it may seem weird or maybe even borderline cruel to keep a cat in a single bedroom for their entire lives. But that's what she wanted; she was happy."

Marcloid has featured Breakfast in tracks throughout her oeuvre. "Spirit Spit" from the 2017 album Drip Mental (Hausu Mountain), for example, is a short wordless suite in which Marcloid imagines the usually shy Breakfast grown adventurous enough to go exploring in the house during a storm. The track opens with Breakfast engaging in some Siamese vocalizing and squawking, with thunder in the background. The rest of the narrative unfolds through auditory cues. "She comes down to the basement and turns on her ancient computer, which dials in to AOL," Marcloid explains. "Then she puts on a Telepath CD, which is a vaporwave artist that I absolutely love. You can hear the CD drive opening, you can hear the Telepath song start. And then she types some stuff and is meowing. And then she turns off the computer and goes back upstairs."

In 2018 Breakfast began to go into kidney failure. She was constantly peeing in Marcloid's room, and she wasn't eating. Eventually she was so uncomfortable and miserable Marcloid had to euthanize her. "And that was just so fucking traumatic for me, and so emotional," Marcloid says. "It really energized the search for truth and meaning that I had already begun years ago."

Marcloid began making Rainbow Bridge during Breakfast's illness. The title isn't just a callback to her record label (which she folded around five years ago) but also a reference to contemporary folk mythology about a rainbow bridge that, in Marcloid's words, "our pets either cross when they die to go to the other side, or they go there and they wait for us." The cover art, by Marcloid and Jeremy Coubrough, shows a Siamese cat sitting in a green field with her back to the viewer, looking at the prismatic steps of a bridge that leads upward into a kind of bloated growth of exploding colors.

The chaos of different hues fits the Fire-Toolz aesthetic. As Hausu Mountain cofounder Doug Kaplan puts it, "There's just nobody else that sounds like this, and there will never be another. Each track goes a billion different places but has a strong sense of oneness." Marcloid's other projects often follow particular rules or fit into particular genres; Mindspring Memories, for example, is mostly slowed-down and otherwise manipulated smooth-jazz samples. A recent album under the name Path to Lobster Believers is tape-collage improvisation. But with Fire-Toolz, Marcloid says, "Anything goes. It's a no-rules catchall; everything reports to it. It's the top of the pyramid."

The violent shifts in tone and genre on a Fire-Toolz track often feel exuberant and playful. On Rainbow Bridge, though, they create splatters of emotion: nostalgia, confusion, loss, hope. The opening track, "Gnosis .•o°Ozing," starts out as ranting death metal, with Marcloid screaming distorted, virtually indecipherable lyrics: "Arms wrapped in neon like a warning / A rainbow bridge unfurling / And now I lay listening to nothing / I feel my organs locking up."

By the second verse, she's superimposed smooth-jazz keyboard flourishes atop the noise, so that it sounds like the metal is battling easy listening, anger struggling with happier memories. "Layers in grief not unlike stages of passing / There are many / Not too many / Not so much."

The video for the song "Rainbow ∞ Bridge," created by Marcloid with Armpitrubber (aka Christine Janokowicz), provides an intense visual analogue for the music's smeared palette. This song too starts with a death-metal feel, pairing double kick drum with Marcloid's throat-tearing vocals. "Please don't be mad that I cut your cord / Fear lodged in my gums / Pressing into my face with fingerlike force / Breakfast!" she yells, as images of the kitty strobe and dissolve into colors, lights, emojis, a door opening, SpongeBob screaming. Tinkly new-age keyboard ambience plays over purple clouds and the on-screen words "Heaven! They say I can sit and soak you up." A guitar solo fit for a classic-rock ballad cuts through the shifting landscape, and then the song briefly fades into ambience as Breakfast romps across the screen and dissolves. It's a vision of a loved one disintegrating, perhaps into nothing, perhaps into memory or heaven, while pain and happiness alternate in spasms of glitches.

"Heaven has no location," Marcloid howls near the end of the track. That's a statement of spiritual hope; heaven is everywhere, Marcloid believes. "It's not any particular place. It's something that is all-encompassing," she says. "I think that it's everywhere and everything. It's the flow of life." You can hear that hope on tracks such as "⌈Mego⌉ ≜ Maitrī," which is all gentle surging keyboards and pattering electronica, encouraging you to gently drift into an ether of soft fur and purring.

A heaven without location can also simply be a heaven that doesn't exist, though, and that fear and doubt is also part of Rainbow Bridge. On the jittery "Microtubules," a throbbing beat loops around and around as Marcloid asks, "Were you afraid of crossing?" It's an unsettling question: of course she'd worry about a cat who never wanted to leave the bedroom going off on a long journey alone.

"When Breakfast was sick, anxiety was a huge, huge part of it," Marcloid says. "And even after she passed, and I knew that there was nothing to be done, there was still so much anxiety. I became frustrated because I wanted to know where she was, if she was anywhere. I just want the truth. I don't even care what it is, even if the truth is we're all just dead, and that when my body stops working, it's completely over."

Marcloid finished Rainbow Bridge months ago, and of course she didn't know it would be released at a time when anxiety, uncertainty, fear, and isolation would be so pervasive. In the context of a pandemic, the album seems even more relevant, not just because of its grief but also because of its prescient reminder of the importance of pets: during the stay-at-home order, animal adoptions have broken records as humans turn to cats and dogs to keep them company, and keep them sane, in isolation.

Marcloid adopted another cat herself after Breakfast died, and she now has three. "It's incredibly comforting to have them during a time like this," she says. "They're a solid rock for me to lean on. Especially lately, because they just don't fight with themselves. They're just such simpler creatures, and they're so much more connected to reality than any human could possibly be because of how complex our lives are. When they're in pain, they'll react—they won't like it, but they don't conceptualize and theorize about it. They don't get into this existential dread. They're just in pain, and they just want the pain to go away. That's all it is. It's that simple. We are just hopeless cases in comparison."

Marcloid's music, for all its genre shifts and chaotic oddness, can also reach for that kind of simplicity of thought and emotion. The six-minute instrumental "Angel (of Deth)" is elegiac, oceanic Muzak—a soundtrack to play while the waves roll in, or while watching a kitty sleep. At its conclusion the track breaks up into electronic blips and warbles, as though the world were coming apart and something else were wavering into existence behind the static.

"It's a mystery because we don't know," Marcloid says. "So I have to love and honor that mystery. I don't even know what God is, or if God exists, but whatever it is, that's what I love." Marcloid's tribute suggests that cats may know more about love than we do. They trust you even at the end, to help them die. Rainbow Bridge is not just a eulogy but an expression of hope that they'll lend you a paw in turn when your time comes. It's a comfort to think that when you start up those stairs, there will be a small someone to show you the way.

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larenoz · 5 years

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Roswell New Mexico - Live Rewatch - Ep 1 - Pilot

So I don’t really have much in the way of original content on my blog. So I decided it might be fun to post the live blog I’ve been doing on discord of the rewatch our server is doing for Roswell, New Mexico over the hiatus period.

I’ve only posted my comments, so there might be a couple of bits that look out of place. These are my responses to other people’s comments. I’m up to episode 6, so I will post the backlog and then do one a week until the re-watch is complete.

Be warned, there is swearing.

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Sorry, cat decided it wanted a cuddle

I love the glass effect, it's so cool

You may not plan to see the small people again, Liz but we know it's gonna happen!!

Not gonna lie, I love poltics in my TV

You quote that verdict to him, Liz!!

That vent tells us so much about Liz in such a short period of time.

You're finally back says Max.Because he's been waiting for that to happen the whole time.

Excuse me Sheriff, with that good girl comment. Rude!

Arturo, playing along with Liz's mpreg story.

Fuck, I just realised - mpreg is canon!?!

Rosa!!

I want antenna headband

Cream on a milkshake is wrong.

So many people in this show have pretty eyes!!

Nooo.

Damn that's alot of lights to replace

I love that damn bullet hole in Liz's dress. It was the first indication they weren't gonna make everyone dumb as a bag of rocks and drag the storyline out FOR EVER.

Hoverboarding. Iz!!

Hey there Kyle!

Annnd here it comes, I'm in love.

That smug fucking grin. The song.

That look when he's trying to get the keys. That look would make you do just about anything.

That Michael monologue. It just gets better everytime I watch it.

Without a doubt, top 3 best character intros ever.

And we're only 15 mins in! I need to make less comments

I didn't think anyone was reading!! :wink:

"Untie some loose ends" - you go Iz

Oh Max you fucker. Telling Michael he wouldn't do anything for anyone else. Excuse fucking you.

Ok, blasting Max across the room is kinda hot. But then his guilty face! :sob:

And god, that little shoulder touch on Iz one the way out.

Another example of non-verbal storytelling. In one scene we get the fractured relationship between Max and Michael, we get that Iz and Michael are close and that both boys defer/protect Iz. So much with so little. It also sets up the physicality of the broken relationship between Max and Michael.

Others have commented on how Max is physically intimidating with people, and literally pushes Michael around, but to be fair, Michael is pretty much the same with Max (but never really with anyone else that we see on screen though we hear about it.

And then in a few lines, Iz gives us a lifetime of fears and concerns - dissection, prison, lying and hiding to loved ones - the rest of the season in seconds of dialogue

Ah, the ONLY thing that gives me Max feels is how dismissive both Iz and Michael are of Max's feelings about Liz. Especially annoying consider Michael should really fucking know better.

Yeah, because he's been pining for Alex just as long.

Unrequited love hurts just as much. Kiss or no kiss.

That's my take anyway.

Here it comes...

Typing may get bad. Cat is sitting on chest and I can't see keyboard.

Seriously, there is nothing overtly relationshippy or sexual, no pointed stares, but just how soft Michael is, even as he's making the real Manes man comment, you just know these two have a past, and that past was probably intimate.

The casual sex comment though, oh yeah they've fucked. That is such a fuck you comment to an ex.

And again with massive story in few words - Alex knocking his leg. "3/4 of one"

That run and tell Daddy line. The nastiest thing Michael says in the entire season, although we don't know that yet. And it strikes such a dissonant tone, even though we don't know why. I'm gonna put it down to things changing so much between shooting the pilot and the rest of the season.

Just my humble opinion but the shirt changing scene could've lasted longer. Just sayin'

Maths, lots and lots of maths

I love the glass SFX

Rosa!! "All our lives that kids been making eyes at you"

Oh Liz, such a good sister. Fixing up the memorial. And the braclets

Ah, sneaky Liz appears

Oh yeah can he keep a secret

Liz begging Max to tell her she isn't loosing her mind. Fuuuck.

Not cool Michael. Great control, but not cool.

Racist Hank, you douche bag

And Maria introduced as taking no shit from ANYONE.

Iz and her slideshow. I love that line.

Why is Iz so vehement that Michael would be so upset about telling Liz?

Max loosing it and Iz looking quite surprised. Forshadowing

yes, Iz no like about it. He is in love with her.

Ah Iz, Iz, Iz. "Too many secrets, things she can't ever know" you don't know the half of it.

Fall in love with someone else. - If I could have, I would have. Fuck, Max, I feel you on that one.

Jesus, how do all these guys make dark flannel look so hot?

Dance it out. i don't dance in this town anymore, Kyle...

Hot take, I know everyone is mad for Trevino's cheekbones, but honestly, they aren't my thing. But his eyes, gods, his eyes. He has the best eyes on the show. God that make me sound like a freak.

"whatever" with that tiny, tiny almost invisible smirk. Yeah, you think you're all that

He manages that whole distraction use me, use me speech without coming off as a total wanker. And that is pretty amazing.

The station promo/ad on my cable channel has a bit for Roswell - tag line: "Beam me up hotties." Too right.

Scientist Liz!!

Needs answers now.

Fuck you Jesse Manes

I hate you already.

No Kyle, don't do it. But thank fuck he doesn't just start talking,

Yeah, nah Max. That's not how it works. It's not ok if people are nice to you but shitty to everyone else.

Why should Michael like the world? it's been pretty shitty to him!?!

Liz with the serial killer joke, just with the wrong person!!

The pods are sorta cool.

They could've been so chessy.

Now we know why the three of them are so close. And just about the only real bit of exposition on the show.

But will you Liz? Will you keep the promise?

Secret Bunker No 1

"This matters to you, so I'm here". :heart:

Do what Michael, what could you possibly mean?

"Just like you did 10 yrs ago".......

What are you max? Just a guy from Roswell

In Max's favour, when he says he stayed in Roswell, and didn't follow Liz because of Iz and Michael, he doesn't sound resentful, which is sort of what you'd expect here. I like that.And Max going to the reunion for Iz. And Liz tagging along even though she's expecting a bad reception.

"i don't save people all the time. I never save people" But you saved Liz, And why is that Max?

OT re Trevino's eyes. It was that gif set of him laying on his stomach on his bed (?) with his doggo, looking up to the camera. That angle, OMG, his eyes....

And no verbal confirmation, just Liz realising exactly what Max said - that even though he's in a job where he'd be in contact with sick/dying people alot, he's never saved anyone before. Omph

Of course you remember the very first time you met, Max.

Little kid Max is sooo cute.

Ah you big sap, Max.

No kissing. An "Echo" of what he feels for Liz.

Nice choice of words there writers.

We see what you did there.

So far it's taken me 2 hrs to watch 50 mins

Fuck you again Jesse Manes

Swoon Kyle's eyes.

And we have Kyle's first exposure to the fact that the govt knows about aliens and did medical type stuff to them. Does this hover in the back of his mind from now on? is this the reason for the quick reaction to his fathers actions at Caufield.?

No he's fucking not cooking meth. Seriously, Alex, what the fuck?

Sorry Alex, not cool, not cool AT all.

I want to see the outakes of Tyler saying phenyl-2-propanone

Because I'm a bitch like that

Yeah, that so serious up close and personal for straight people....

And there is Alex's nastiest line - You're wasting your life. Gods, that is such a shit thing to say to Michael.

And re outtakes because Tyler would laugh and do that thing where he covers his mouth as he trys to stop himself giggling. That's soooo cute.

But anyway, back to the show...

Oh, he wants to hold something, Michael but it's not your hand...

Macho cowboy swagger.

Did it get old for you.

No it did not get fucking old for him. At all.

Michael walking away with arm around girl. Noting for those who say they didn't realise Michael was bi after watching the pilot. How?

How could you miss it?

You go Maria - dying alone of syphillis to bitch

Maybe Liz does still dance in Roswell!! She just needs a good reason.

And that song begins.

"You can't hide from who you are". Alex's prothesis as he looks at himeself skating in the slide show. Fucking killing us.

And it only gets worse-

I don't thnk that's an unpopular opinon at all. That's totally where I see his headspace. But that does result in him saying some nasty shit to Michael. And it's because we know it's not true that it hurts so much.

Fair warning it may take me half an hour to get through the next 2 mins of show!!

Long shot - "Nostalgia's a bitch"

Fuck, the way Michael looks at Alex as he's leaning against the door. People have started wars to have someone look at them like that. That's Greek epic shit right there.

Then cut shot to Max and Iz looking at Liz.

Alex expecting Michael to be gone from Roswell.

"Is that what you want" as Michael takes a step closer. Not "wanted", but "want".

"What I want doesn't matter" as they both slowly sway towards each other. Bullshit, Alex. What you want is ALL that matters. Fuck everything else.

Michael's eyes flicking up to Alex's face....

And Michael launches himself at Alex like a dying man.

God, how do you even describe that kiss?? Everything about it is just.......

But it's more than just the fire. Its the tenderness of Michael gently craddling Alexs' head even though the kiss is passionate and desperate.

Battery break

And then, back to reality - Iz knows that Max has told Liz.

And then Jess Fucking Manes (I fututus et mori in ignie cunne) (don't look that up it's very bad swearing) talking about being monsters who despise compassion and love. Projecting much.

"Thrive on our tragedy". Die MF Die

Despise Love over a visual of Michael and Alex. Die some more you MF

But you haven't told Liz everything have you Max. There's still some stuff you're hiding.

"When the truth hunts you down"

Yeah, that truth is going to hunt you down and fuck you up Max

My house just wobbled.

No, there isn't a secret that is safe.

And people will be caught in the crossfire - have already.

"What's lost will be found, when the truth hunts you down."

Well doesn't that one line sum up a ton of shit that goes down in the rest of the season.

And fin

3 hrs

That was not what I planned.

#roswell new mexico #Roswell Nm #roswellnm #liveblog

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cherylblsom · 5 years

Text

The Definition of Perfect - Ch.3

(A/N): After 27 years I am finally providing you with an update!!

Pairing: Cheryl Blossom x Toni Topaz

Word Count: 2,521

Warnings: just some swearing

Read it on AO3

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

**flashback**

“So what did you wanna tell us T?” Fangs asks, he’s sitting on the couch in his trailer, Sweet Pea is perched beside him with his feet up resting on the coffee table. Toni is standing in front of the pair, she’d been pacing back and forth when they’ve arrived and had finally stopped to look at the pair.

“Yeah, what’s the hot gossip?’ Sweet Pea chimes in, flashing one of his signature smiles in Toni’s direction. “Let me guess, Cheryl finally convinced you to write about her for your journal entry in the magazine”

“No and how did you even know about that? Whatever doesn’t matter, moving on…”

“Ohh” Sweet Pea nods as if understanding ”You need sex advice? Now listen I don’t know a whole lot about-“

“Sweet Pea shit UP” Fangs cuts in, he lands a soft blow to his friend’s shoulder before turning his attention back to Toni, she offers him a grateful smile before opening her mouth.

“Cheryl and I, well I guess Cheryl technically, is pregnant…” she says slowly as she watches their faces closely to gage their reactions.

“Oh my god Topaz!! That’s awesome” Fangs replies, a huge smile pasted across his face.

“No shit!! I’ve been waiting for this” SweetPea says, his face lighting up in response. “Tell me you’re naming the baby after me. Sweets jr?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, they’re naming it after me”

“Fangs c’mon we all know that your name just doesn’t have as much baby potential I mean think of-“

“Oh and your name does? You’re nuts if you-“

“GUYS!!’ Toni says loudly, stopping the boys dead in their tracks and causing them to look up at her with wide eyes. Growing up with these two had taught her early on how to stop their bickering, even if it was just playful at the moment. “It’s twins”

“One for both of us” they say in almost perfect unison before falling back into the couch laughing.

“Oh my god” Toni groans, rolling her eyes in response to her best friends. “I hate you two”. She walks over to the couch and flops down between the two boys who immediately pull her into a tight bear hug from both sides.

“You know we’re stoked for you Topaz” SweetPea says, his voice shifting to a more serious tone. “It’s what you two deserve, a family to call your own”

“What do you mean by complication?” Toni asks slowly, Cheryl is gripping her hand tightly and shifting her eyes between Toni and the doctor as she awaits a response.

“What’s wro- oh FUCK” Cheryl practically screams as another contraction hits her full on, she squeezes Toni’s hand so hard she’s afraid it might break.

“It’s just that one of the babies is in the wrong position, sort of turned sideways. It’s not uncommon for twins actually, and can be an easy fix” the doctor finally responds once Cheryl has been coaxed through her contraction.

“So what does that mean exactly? And why didn’t the other doctor pick up on this?” Toni asks. She can feel how hard Cheryl’s heart is racing just by the pulse from her wrist and she gives her wife’s hand a reassuring squeeze to try and calm her.

“Well she most likely would have on your next visit but since Cheryl went into premature labour the doctor didn’t get a chance to see their positions. Usually we would turn the baby now but since it’s behind the other one we will have to turn the baby after the first one is delivered”

“Is that even possible?”

“Yes, but it can be risky and if we can’t do it in time we would have to rush Cheryl into an emergency C-Section. The other option is we just go with a C-Section to begin with and deliver both babies that way”

“What’s the better solution?”

“That’s not a decision I can make for you, both options come with their own set of risks but I can promise you we will do everything we can to keep everyone safe. And if you decide against the C-Section I would strongly advise an epidural since turning the second baby will result in an increased level of pain”

“Toni.. I- I don’t want a C-Section. It wasn’t the plan…” Cheryl’s voice says quietly, she turns her head to catch her wife’s eyes with her own.

“Neither was going into labour a month early, but maybe this is safer for the babies”

“No.” Cheryl says more forcefully then she meant to, but there was no way in hell she was letting anyone, especially a doctor she doesn’t know, cut into her.

“I’ll leave you two to discuss. But the contractions are getting closer and she’s already 5 centimetres dilated so we don’t have a ton of time” Dr. Roberts says slowly, she nods at Toni before exiting the room and letting the door click shut behind her.

**flashback**

Veronica had decided to throw them a baby shower, because of course she has insisted on that. And this was Veronica Lodge they were talking about, so Cheryl was well aware that it would be an over the top occasion despite Toni’s protests and assurance that they just wanted something small. After all, when Veronica set her mind to something there was no changing her mind. But what Cheryl wasn’t expecting was the bombardment of questions Veronica has decided to throw at the pair over just how the event should look and sound and even smell. Every time Cheryl thought there wasn’t possibly any more questions Veronica could come up with another one would fall from her mouth. They were currently seated at the kitchen table in Cheryl and Toni’s house, mugs of tea steaming into the air between them as Veronica typed furiously at her MacBook keyboard.

“As fascinating at this is…” Toni says, holding herself back from rolling her eyes at Veronica’s ridiculous questioning. “I have a hair appointment, so I’ll leave you to it!” She leans in to kiss Cheryl gently and run her hand over her belly, at almost 6 months pregnant her bump has grown significantly and Cheryl was almost constantly complaining of back pain.

“I love you” Cheryl says softly, she kisses Toni again before letting her slip out of her grasp, she hears the sound of door opening and closing mere moments later and sighs softly before turning her attention back to her best friend.

“So flowers! I’m thinking roses, they have a certain… ambience that just screams baby shower to me. Especially yours. Now there’s the matter of colour. White for purity, yellow is typically used for friendship but of course also symbolizes new beginnings. And then there’s the classic red we can’t forget about…” she trails off lost in thought. She has her glasses on which Cheryl knows means business. Veronica hums softly and clicks her pen on her bottom lip before her eyes light up. “What about yellow and red together? That symbolizes happiness and excitement and then of course they have their individual meanings, we could even add in a few white if you want?”

“You’re the expert” Cheryl says, she laughs lightly in response to her best friend, typical of her to got way overboard for a simple baby shower. But Cheryl had to admit she kind of liked the papering. “I’m just excited to meet them - I have a feeling they’re both girls, did I tell you that?” Cheryl looks up from rubbing her stomach to make eye contact with Veronica.

“Only like twice a day for the past two weeks” Veronica says, a smile spreading across her face. “I however - disagree, but all will be answered in due time. I’ve been thinking of ways to do the gender reveal and need your opinion”

“Of course you have” Cheryl rolls her eyes while picking up her mug of tea and bringing it to her lips.

The day of the baby shower had arrived and by the time Cheryl rolls out of bed she already has 10 text messages and 4 missed calls from Veronica despite the fact it’s only 10:03 A.M.

“You behave today” Cheryl says, looking down at her stomach. “No making me sick okay? Its a big day”

The morning was chaotic with Veronica running around decorating the house with every colour of the rainbow and making last minute calls to ensure everything would be going to plan. Cheryl had to hand it to her, the girl knew how to plan an event. When she walks downstairs she’s awed by the beauty of it. Red, white and yellow roses are littered around the living room and kitchen in different coloured vases. Over the doorways hang streamers with hints of colours at the ends and over the couch is a banner that showcases a blue and pink bear with a question mark at the end. To the side of their couch is a table decked out in white and gold ribbons that looks like it's set up for a variety of baby related games. And on yet another table a plate of cookies shaped like bottles and diaper pins and rattles is layed out. The French doors leading to their patio are open and a soft breeze is blowing into the dining room and cooling down the heat emanating from the stove. Their motorcycles are still parked to the side of the patio and Cheryl smiles fondly at them, she hasn’t ridden in months and she didn’t realize just how much she misses it until now. Veronica had even gone the extra step to deck out both their motorcycles in pink and blue ribbons which danced lightly in the breeze.

“Are you ready to find out what’re you’re carrying?” Veronica says softly from behind Cheryl, she breaks her stare focused on the bikes and turns towards the voice.

“Of course” Cheryl smiles. “But you know, you never did tell me what you’re doing for the reveal”

“A wise women never reveals her secrets” Veronica replies. The doorbell rings suddenly, casting an echo through the house and Veronica hurries away to open it.

By the time everyone has arrived Cheryl is completely exhausted from welcoming them all and talking about how she’s both and excited and nervous for the new additions to the family. The table near the front door is stacked high with all sizes and shapes of gifts, I guess nobody had listened when the pair said not to spoil them or the babies. Cheryl is currently seated on the couch between Archie and Betty, the cat is settled on her chest, her paws resting gently against Cheryl’s belly. She’s purring softly as Cheryl runs her hand over her back in even strokes.

“Does she always do that?” Betty asks, a light chuckle behind her voice.

“Cherry? Oh yeah she loves to cuddle. Especially now with my stomach, it’s her favourite place to nap”

“A personal guardian for the twins” Betty says, she reaches out to pet the cat’s head and smiles softly at Cheryl.

“Okay guys!” Veronica calls suddenly, emerging from the kitchen with Toni on her heels. “Let’s all make our way outside”

People make their way out slowly, Cheryl and Toni emerging last. Her back is in an increasing amount of pain but Cheryl would be damned if she let that keep her down today, this was the last big thing happening before the birth of her babies and she wanted to be present for it. Veronica ushers the pair to the side of the patio where they have a perfect view of their motorcycles and Cheryl raises her eyebrows at her wife who just shrugs in response. Veronica is beaming and Cheryl wonders for a moment who’s most excited about this gender reveal. Sweet Pea and Fangs step up from the crowd and each swing themselves onto the seat of one of the motorcycles, keys in their hands.

“Ready?” Veronica asks, eyeing Cheryl and Toni. They both nod in response and Cheryl reaches for Toni’s hand to give it a couple reassuring squeezes before turning her attention back to the motorcycles. The boys crank the engines in perfect sync and the bikes roar to life, the exhaust sputters out as a dull grey colour at first before changing to more vibrant colours. The bike Fangs is sitting on is spilling pink exhaust from the tail pipes while the other spills blue and Cheryl’s face lights up as she takes in the moment.

“SEE!” Sweet Pea calls, noticing his bike is the blue one, “A sign you should name the baby after me!”

Toni laughs in response and rolls her eyes before turning to Cheryl and pulling her against her lips, she kisses her deeply and passionately. Cheryl can’t help the tears that have started to fall down her face in response, she kisses Toni back hard as the pink and blue smoke swirl around them and then dissipates into the air.

Cheryl lets out a loud scream and grips Toni’s hand as she shakes through another contraction, they’re getting increasingly painful and longer as the time drags on. She falls back into the mattress when the worst of it is over and turns her head to look at her wife.

“I’m not letting them cut into me” Cheryl says sternly. Toni nods in response before reaching to wipe Cheryl’s head with a damp cloth.

“Then you need to get an epidural. And I know, you don’t want to. And it wasn’t in the plan. But we gotta go off the plan babe, it’ll be okay”

“Toni… I don’t know”

“Cher.. you’re so strong, the strongest person I know. But I can see you’re in a lot of pain and it’s only going to get worse. I promise this will get easier if you agree, and we’ll make sure the babies are safe and sound okay?” She runs her thumb over Cheryl’s knuckles and smiles down at her. A soft whimper falls from her wife’s lips and then she nods slowly in response before clicking the call button to the right of her bed.

The relief that comes from the drug is almost immediate. Cheryl, who is laying on her side in the bed now, relaxes as it makes its way into her bloodstream and starts to numb her pain. She smiles up at Toni, thanking her silently for convincing her to make this decision.

“You did so good baby, not much longer now” she leans down to press a kiss to Cheryl’s temple, her eyes flutter close in response and she relaxes further into the mattress dosing off lightly. She isn’t sleeping long before she’s woken up with the pain of another contraction, the doctor had told them an epidural can speed up how fast you dilate but Cheryl hadn’t expected it to be so quick, it was barley 30mins later. Dr Roberts rushes in at the sound of Cheryl’s scream and immediately goes to checking how far long she is.

“Cheryl… you need to get ready to push” she says slowly.

(next)

#choni #Cheryl x toni #Cheryl blossom #toni topaz #Veronica lodge #riverdale #riverdale fic #fanfiction #choni fanfiction #red serpent

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jaimistoryteller · 5 years

Text

Jaimi’s Update

5/6/19 Update

Hi All

Thank you all for continuing to share Shelk’s GoFundMe, I really appreciate it and it’s been helping. Now on to that update I keep planning and not seeming to get to.

This is a long post, so I will put it below a cut.

About Me First

So March and April were both massively long and a more then a little painful, both physically and mentally. I had a depressive spiral because of something someone said, cause even though they hadn’t meant to set one off, their word choice did not help. I got it just about under control and someone else said something that sent it right back down. I finally got it under control again, back in the slow drag of getting out of it. Not that I know for a fact it will work or not. Life is never that easy.

I spent way too much of the two months on the go, to the point where my body shut down a couple of different times and I was completely useless. At least I accomplished my goals though, even if I paid massively for them.

I have a new therapist, she’s lovely but it’s frustrating, because I did not want to be changing therapists in the middle of shit going wrong, but alas it was a thing that had to happen since my previous one is officially retired for a variety of reasons (and I hope he enjoys it too!).

Despite my best efforts, I am a foster fail again, and have a new cat, he is adorable and loveable. I’ve named him Silver for his chest and markings.

[ID: Silver the cat laying partly on the laptop keyboard]

I’m trying to figure out how to pay my electric, it’s due on the 10th, I should have made a post on it, but I’ve been more focused on making sure my sister doesn’t lose her home. Plus I was under therapist orders not to think of anything money or work related for three days during this last weekend.

Winston

[ID: Winston the rottweiler service pup laying on my lap while I pet him]

He’s doing perfect on his training, already has two of his tasks completely down, working on getting several more down.

Unfortunately, there have been several problems with store peeps despite the fact I make sure he has his harness on and his leash on that says he is a service dog. They keep making a fit over the fact he’s a rottweiler, I even had one say it directly to my face.

So I’ve ordered a bunch of business cards with the ADA online address on them, a copy of the two questions they can legally ask on the front:

Is that a service dog?

What tasks does your service dog perform for you?

On the back I put the four points people keep missing the most, copied directly from the ADA FAQ:

Staff are not allowed to request any documentation for the dog, require the dog demonstrate its task, or inquire about the nature of the person’s disability.

The ADA does not require service animals to wear a vest, ID tag, or specific harness.

Covered entities may not require documentation, such as proof that the animal has been certified, trained, or licensed as a service animal, as a condition for entry.

Michigan has a voluntary registration program but it is not required.

The last point is from the state ADA, rather then the Federal one. If I had more room, I would have included the fact it’s illegal to try and force a registration, but alas business cards aren’t that big.

I knew when I got him there was going to be questions because he’s so big, I hadn’t realized how foolish peeps were going to be over his breed.

Both his leash and harness say Service Dog on them, but because I didn’t go out and buy the specialized one, but a training harness which was a lot cheaper and works for our needs just as well, people like to question it often. To the point where I even had one person tell me to get out of the store because someone else’s dog acted up, so mine couldn’t really be a service dog. Seriously, then she tried to back it with the ADA, while breaking the first three points from the back, and then insisting that the Michigan registry is required.

Seriously, she’s one of the reasons I made the cards, right after I reported her and her boss, since she was insisting she checked with her boss, and her boss agreed. I even stressed to both the ADA and her company I didn’t want either fired, I wanted them properly trained, it should not be the customer’s job to print off the law and bring it in to make a point, just to keep shopping.

I refuse to go back to having days I can’t go to the store because others want to have a problem with my awesome boy. If they have a problem with another dog, that’s the other dog’s handlers problem, not mine. To take it out on me is unprofessional.

Shelk & Lot Rent

All of you peeps who have shared it (particularly you awesome one @noregretsnotearsnoanxieties) are wonderful! I appreciate all of the help. Shelk is flabbergasted and thankful beyond words for all the help.

Last month we were able to get $555 within the $3,600. The lot owner accepted that, which set the eviction notice back to the 15th of this month.

Right now we are at $150 this month, which is great as we are trying to get to at least $300, as that would pay at least one month. Currently she owes $3,345 between past and current due.

A wonderful peep has said they are going to try and do something mid-month after getting paid, so I am rather hopeful, and I will be continuing to share, with updates every time there is a donation.

Unexpected Meeting Kickstarter

I know I have two digital rewards to finish, I have been working on them, they will be posted by the end of this month.

I am also going to start ordering the stuff to send out to people, getting the bookmarks, magnets, posters, and other goodies ready while the book is being edited. I can happily report the first few chapters have been looked at, though I have not yet had a chance to check the edits, which is why I haven’t shared snippets yet.

It didn’t help that one of the rewards got corrupted when my computer updated in the middle of a save. Anyways, I’m excited! So bloody excited!

Converging Lives

I will hopefully be returning to updating my @converginglives blog this week, I miss being able to post stuff there plus I still have the Spring 2019 A to Z Event to finish.

I am also working on an actual website for it, which will have pretty much everything from the tumblr blog but in an organized method as I am tired of arguing with tumblr about it when making sure it’s in website format.

Fanfic

Seeking is DONE - again. This time I emailed myself the file as well as typing it in google docs. Then of course docs didn’t have the problems it had last time. After 18 months of not being able to work on it, my muse finally got on the game. I’m so bloody pleased with that. I posted one chapter tonight, next Monday I will post the last chapter.

I plan on posting the last chapter of Challenge Accepted on Wednesday as it’s done and I just need post it.

I’m planning on working on Advent, Playful Stress Relief, Blessed, and Learning to Live. Why those ones?

Advent is rough drafted out, might as well finish it. Besides, I don’t like the fact my lovely and fluff filled thing is still stuck in limbo.

Playful Stress Relief is nearly done, I think editing was all I had left on that particular last chapter to finish it, though don’t quote me. It’s been awhile since I checked it.

Blessed is calling me, though only lightly, and I’m not even sure there are peeps waiting for it, but hey whatevers.

Learning to Live got a lovely comment which made me smile, in the height of a massive episode. I am updating it for that person, hopefully it will let me get on a roll and finish my oldest fanfic.

You wanna see one of the other ones updated? Leave a comment on it, not just a “update please” but something you like, or a question, or even a smile face. Update please doesn’t encourage me, but pretty much everything else does.

Cosmos Market

This is still being worked on, for those who don’t know what the market is, here is a link to the last post made on it. I’ll probably be updating it sometime in the near future, but at this moment that is a pretty good definition of it.

I want -- need -- to get the market off the ground so I can stop needing to ask for help as I will have at least a small and stable income going.

I’m not planning on making a lot off of it, just enough to pay my base bills, which will not put me out of the poverty line. I do expect it to be a success, however I plan on putting money into my employees and building instead. My sister being one of those employees in order to help her stop needing to ask for help as well since she’s been struggling to find a job.

The market isn’t the only thing on the planner for business, it’s just the one I am focused on right this moment, though I have been eyeing my second rather heavily lately too, as it would be a much more passive situation for me to deal with.

Disability

A lot of you know that I’ve applied for it in the past and was turned down as “disabled but not disabled enough”. I have reapplied for it. Why? Because I am still disabled, and a lot of times, things are worse then they were the last time I applied.

This time I have been sent to deal with so many new doctors it’s making me want to scream. I don’t deal well with new people. Yet I have to. A lot. It’s frustrating beyond words. Still, if it helps over all, I will do whatever I must.

It’s seriously my hope to get to the point where I can put it on hold, and only use it when I have a really bad flare up. Yes, things have been closer to stable since I got Winston, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t problems going on. I had a depressive spiral that lasted five bloody weeks. Sometimes I was able to force myself to get stuff done, other times I couldn’t even get out of bed because of my mind. It’s hard to be stable with that situation going on.

Knowing my bills will be dealt with even if I can’t get out of bed would help a great deal. Far more than I really want to admit. At last, that’s the way it goes.

Links

Rather then put the links in this mess, I will make a post just for them and then add the link to it here for those who want to share it. Any sharing would be appreciated as it helps more than you would imagine.

I know a lot of people don’t have money, and while money is needed, that is not what I am asking for, all I am asking for is you take the time to share. Just a few seconds, a couple of clicks, can make a world of difference.

While a lot of the links are about me, not all of them are as I also put up links to others who have helped me and friends who are in different tight situations. I’m a firm believer in paying it forward in any way possible.

Link to Links

Previous Updates

5/1/19 & 5/3/19

4/24/19

3/9/19 & Links

3/1/19

2/14/19

1/24/19

1/16/19

1/5/19

12/27/17 & 12/28/18

12/22/18

12/19/18

12/6/18 & 12/8/18

#ableism #Jaimi's Updates #winston's update #updates #about me #long post

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tanmoonlight · 6 years

Text

completion| myg

| hybrid au | college au |

pairings: min yoongi/reader, future bts/reader (platonic)

In which you're looking for a roommate and find more than what you originally bargained for.

part one 》part two 》part three

Warnings: mild awkwardness, mentions anxiety, more innuendos, mentions hybrid discrimination

A/N: I have finally updated, hopefully this isn't too much of a hot mess. Also, Jintro is here,, Epiphany has arrived and perhaps I cried.

The move had gone well, if one ignored the mildly awkward air that settled between the two housemates. Yoongi had been wondering when the discomfort would set in between the two hybrids, and it seems it didn't take very long for them to fumble in uncomfortably dragged out periods of silence. Neither of them tried too hard to talk to each other, and from what he could tell, (Y/N) was more anxious than intentionally rude. Her pretty, surprisingly well manicured hands shook while handing him a drink and her body radiated a sort of stiffness that resembled that of a bristling cat.

Not that it was too far from the truth.

He could also smell her anxiety, the bitterness stinging his nose, reminding him of his previous visit where he'd also detected her unease. The smell was not as overpowering as one would expect, perhaps because it wasn't overwhelming her, but it did peak out from behind the natural sweetness she exuded. Even with the stiffness, she was still quite pretty and he found himself admiring her a little more closely out of curiosity. She was dressed quite comfortably, in jeans cuffed a few times at the ankles and a baggy pale blue sweatshirt. She was quite tall, he realised, standing at almost his own height.

She must've felf the heat of his eyes on her back because she noticeably stiffened but did not look back. He did not know if it was to save herself or himself from further awkwardness.

The next few hours were filled with tense glances and muffled apologies on (Y/N)'s behalf every time she bumped into him. She helped him move his things in and allowed him time to set his stuff up. The last thing they did was establish boundaries for each other as roommates. That had proven to be quite easy, as she was quite lenient as long as no property was damaged.

"I don't mind visitors, not that I have very many over, aside from Anaya," He remembered her saying, tilting her head slightly, "So you're welcome to bring friends over, Min Yoongi."

That would not be happening soon - at all, he thought to himself. He did not want to expose her to the sextet of lovely but agonisingly loud men he called friends, lest he wanted to startle her.

Once all was seemingly fixed, (Y/N) excused herself to run some errands, leaving Yoongi on his own with a newly added key to his Kumamon keychain. He allowed himself to slump over on the couch, laying in silence, no screeching of chairs and baby rattles, no obnoxiously loud bulldozer footsteps from above or cacophonies of warbled moans. A tiny smothered screech of relief left him, along with strings of thankful words, startling the fat cat seated on a large black beanbag.

The only response he got was an insulted mrrow from said fat cat, who quickly resettled himself and went back to sleep.

A few weeks had passed since Min Yoongi had moved in and it was going far better than (Y/N) expected. He was tidy enough; although she did occasionally catch a glimpse of scattered clothes on his floor and a few empty boxes he had yet to get rid of, but she kept her nose out of that, he wasn't disruptive at all and Poe seemed to tolerate him, at bare minimum. They didn't see too much of each other, which might be for the best, she mused, as they were both unbelievably busy. (Y/N) spent most of her time managing her studies as a sophomore, her job at a clinic, the weekly volunteer work at a hybrid shelter all while attempting to keep herself sane. She'd been lucky to have a few days off when she'd met Yoongi, but that was long over and she was back on relying on the carefully masked neuroticism caused by her awful sleeping schedule to keep her running, as well as the chewy breakfast bars and cold coffee that ran through her veins.

Yoongi was not much different than she was, he'd find himself spending hours working on unfinished songs to upload to his SoundCloud and finishing hastily written essays for a music theory class as well as making sure his senior project was as proper as possible. On top of school, he juggled a paid internship at a small entertainment company, working on projects that were not quite to his liking. The artists he was tasked had a tendency of being snobs, despite being newbies, and lacked any kind of vision and passion. He could not count the amount of times he'd wanted to slam his head through his keyboard, praying for a concussion to avoid listening to that disaster. In short, the nights he could have spent sleeping were spent perfecting his music and others, as well.

A good portion of their interactions were centered around extremes. They'd find themselves both emerging from their respective caves to refill on coffee and maybe, nibble on a cookie. Conversations, while not necessary, became common.

"Why are you still up Min Yoongi?" She questioned, bleary eyes peering from behind thick lenses. Her ears were noticeable droopy, indicating her exhaustion.

"Why are you still up?" He responded, opening the fridge to grab a bottle or two of cold coffee. She looked far more tired than he did.

She hummed in response, sipping on her own scalding beverage, "What're you working on now?" She pushed forward a plate of Mexican sweet bread, encouraging him to sit down.

He noticed she had a tendency of doing that, gently coaxing him into taking breaks longer than the three minutes it took for ramen to cook.

He sat across from her, opening a bottle of his coffee and taking a long sip before answering, "I'm trying to finish a track for one of the idols I'm working with," He paused, leaning over to grab a piece of sugary bread, "I could have been finished a few days ago but he insisted that it wasn't good enough for him." His words became grumbled towards the end of his sentence, eyebrows scrunched up gently and lips forming a small pout. His ears twitched in tandom with his tail as he nibbled on the bread.

Their late night coffee runs were quickly becoming something (Y/N) looked forward to, despite the dragging of her eyelids and the slumping of her body. For one, late night coffee was heavenly, even if it resulted in her crashing after an hour or two of shakiness. Second, it allowed her an opportunity to truly get to know the enigma that was Min Yoongi without the anxiety that swallowed her up during full consciousness. While she often expected him to ignore her questions, he never did. He would answer after some deliberation, his deep voice coming slightly fragmented from the frequent pausing he did in his speech. She found that he was quite warm, especially when he spoke about his friends and music. His eyes would soften from steel to oozing dark chocolate. When he got particularly passionate, he'd begin to enunciate his words with appropriately vivid hand movements while she listened.

In all, Min Yoongi was not as intimidating as she had expected. If anything, he was quite cute when he pouted.

"Is this the same guy from last time?"

"Yes, it is. With the amount of time he spends insulting my work, you'd think he'd piss off by now."

"What is his name? We don't want problematic favs in this household."

". . . I'd rather not disgrace your virgin ears."

"I heard you cussing someone out over the phone because they woke you up."

"Don't poke the sleeping bear, its the law of the jungle." He tsked, reaching for more bread, tail flickering gently in direct contradiction to his words.

"I can't believe you're hiding this man's identity, now I have to go through your company's website. BigHit was it?" She sighed wistfully, pulling out her phone.

"If you go blind, that's on you."

"I can't get any blinder than I currently am! If anything, he'd be doing me a favor. I wouldn't have to pay to see." She momentarily poked at her thick lenses.

"Capitalism at its worst. You'd rather be blind than pay to see."

"Prescription glasses are surprisingly expensive okay? Not that you'd know, with your fake ass five dollar hipster glasses."

"This is what the government wants, to pit the middle class against each other over monetary value."

"Are you sure you're not a liberal arts major? Also, stop distracting me, I'm really trying to find this dude. . ."

After a moment of contemplation, Yoongi gave a faux defeated sigh, "Since you want to know so bad, I'll tell you. But I'm not responsible for the loss of brain cells you may experience."

"I can't lose what I don't have anymore."

"Well, I lost five years off my lifespan just thinking about it."

"Min Yoongi, its just a name."

"Alright. His stage name is G-Spot Genie." He dropped the monstrosity with little to no regret, sipping his coffee.

(Y/N) said nothing for a moment, giving him enough time to correct himself, "Please say sike. Please."

Yoongi shrugged, perfectly encapsulating the nonchalance of a big cat.

"I. . . take it back, it is possible to lose what you don't have. Because he must've lost his damn mind."

He smirked, "So, what are your woes? Given that you look like you're about to pass out."

He wasn't wrong, but then again when didn't she look stressed. It seemed as though she was permanently set on overdrive, constantly bustling about either typing away on her dinky laptop or taking notes and reading ahead for her classes.

"I have a group project." She pushed out, her head falling to rest on her palm, "Just my luck I'm stuck with people who specialise in procrastination. Can they not do that on their own time? Also, you'd think people would know by now how to answer an e-mail, but apparently they don't know how to do that either!"

"What class is this for? Is the deadline soon?"

"The group project is for my hybrid studies class. We have a few more weeks to get it done but two weeks have already gone by and they've yet to actually plan with me. Plus! They keep shooting down my ideas and this one girl keeps stomping all over my last nerve." At this point her tail began to flicker quite violently in agitation and her eyes regained some semblance of frustrated awareness.

"What'd she do to make the kitty cat hiss?" The words left his mouth quite quickly, dry but playful and a part of his died internally. Much to his luck, she didn't catch it.

"For one, she was all over the guy in our group and I mean, all over. I was surprised she didn't pull his pants down right then and there, and I mean, her promiscuity is not the issue, ya know?" She was talking a bit fast, nearly rambling, "It's just kind of rude to act as if I don't exist, I'm also not into exhibitionism. When she isn't ignoring me, she's glaring at me and attempting to insult my intelligence. Like, I breathed??"

Yoongi, while not finding amusement in her frustration, did come to find her ranting kind of cute. It was endearing to see her lips form a pout while her face morphed into something other than indifference.

"Sometimes breathing is the biggest insult. She probably feels threatened or something, is she a hybrid?" Hybrids were known to be quite territorial.

"No, she's human, well they're both human." At that Yoongi exchange a brief look with (Y/N), words were not necessary to express that particular point. As much as hybrids have been engrained into society, the response was not always positive. Humans could still legally own a hybrid, further pushing the notion that they were inferior to humanity. Hybrid trafficking ran rampant and hate crimes were fairly common as well. In all, not everyone saw them as people.

"Well, (Y/N), you still have some time left so you should actually get some sleep before you pass out. Don't be stupid, you can finish working on it tomorrow and then tell your professor that they didn't do shit." He shrugged, voice coming out as a soft rumble. While his voice offered a suggestion, his eyes gave a command.

She sat up a little straighter once she caught the look in his eyes, they were sharper than before. A small shudder ran through her, "You're right, I'll do that. Now, please stop looking at me like that, you look constipated." She pushed aside the instinctive need to obey and focused on subduing the animal in her.

His nose scrunched up a bit as he sighed, taking one last sip of his coffee, watching as she finished up and set the cup in the sink. After a brief exchange of goodnight Min Yoongi, don't stay up too late! & goodnight (Y/N), he watched as she padded away with all the elegance of a feline. Once her door shut, he turned back around in his seat and mentally prepared himself to go back and stay up a few more hours.

Thank whatever deity was above that he didn't have class tomorrow, he could sleep in all he wanted.

#yoongi x reader #yoongi scenarios #hybrid au #bts scenarios #bts hybrid au #bts college au #hybrid yoongi #yoongi x you #bts yoongi

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joohoneyhoe · 6 years

Text

The Cat.

info: min yoongi x oc genre: fluff, cheesy movie references, humor, smut, unprotected sex, oral, fingering, anal play, anal word count: 5.2k a/n: this fic was inspired by my cat, not gonna lie.

“Goddammit, Dexter! Why, why do you do this every morning? You know you can’t go outside!”

My head shot up to see my new neighbor darting out of his condo door. A gray, long haired tabby cat with pale green eyes ran in my direction, making me quickly set my box down I had been carrying to help catch his defiant pet. His eyes caught mine and he began shaking his head as I reached out to grab his runaway cat. I cocked mine in confusion as I crouched down, eyes shifting between him and the cat called Dexter.

“No, no, no!” he exclaimed, waving his arms wildly.

I ignored his protest, knowing that just past me was the stairs leading down to the open world. I swooped up the cat with ease, swiftly holding it in a comfortable position and scratching behind it’s ears. I felt the feline stop struggling and begin to purr loudly, pressing into my caress.

I looked up to find the mint colored haired man before me, his eyebrows raised in what appeared to be surprise. His pouty lips were parted slightly, just glancing between me and his pet cat. I gave him a smile, closing the gap between us and handing his companion back to him.

“I hope I didn’t freak you out by grabbing your cat, I just was afraid it would make it down the stairs and run off.” I explained as he took his cat back, who looked entirely bored with the situation at hand.

“No, um, that’s not it. It’s just--Dexter doesn’t like anyone but me. Normally she would have bitten you or scratched the shit out of you for picking her up. But, she’s still purring. I’m just a little speechless is all.” he confessed, walking backwards to his door, opening it slightly and placing his cat back inside before returning.

“I’m Aloy, by the way. I just started moving in today, obviously.” I held my hand out to him in greeting, still having yet to see any form of smile on the handsome man’s face. He took my greeting, his handshake firm, but gentle all at once.

“I’m Yoongi. I should warn you now, I’m a pianist and I tend to do most of my work late at night. So, if I ever wake you up at all, just come knock and let me know and I can move to my keyboard and put headphones in or something. No one has lived next door in the three years I’ve been here, so I’ve never had to worry about it until now.”

Yoongi shoved his hands into the pockets of his tight ripped black jeans, pushing his bangs aside with a jerk of his head. I took the opportunity to take in all of him, his thin tall frame, that brightly colored hair and those piercing dark brown eyes. He was a beautiful man, it was hard not to stare at him. I think I would very much enjoy living next to him, especially considering we were surrounded by uppity old people and I wasn’t exactly planning on making friends with them.

“Well, I’m a bit of a night owl myself. If anything, it’ll help me sleep and I can always appreciate that.” I reassured him, and for the first time, he gave me a smile. It was gummy and beautiful.

“Good to know. Well, I have to go now. I stupidly promised some friends I would meet them for breakfast. I’ll see you around, Aloy.” I picked my box back up, giving him one last smile before I watched him walk past me. I went back to my task, pushing the door open further with my foot, struggling a little.

“Wait, wait. Let me help you.” Yoongi’s voice reverberated behind me, his footsteps quickly approaching. He carefully took the large box from my grasp, giving me another smile, essentially making my insides melt.

“You don’t have to do that. Plus, your friends are expecting you.” I reasoned, offering to take it back, but he stubbornly shook his head no.

“My friends can wait.”

“Good morning, Dexter my dear.”

I greeted the gray feline as she trotted over to me. I crouched down, holding my palm face up with a treat ready for her. Ever since I moved in a few months back, Dexter escaped every morning and Yoongi chased after her. So, I proactively bought a bag of cat treats and when I would hear Yoongi's doorknob turn, I would go out and head off his cat. Now, after weeks of this, he lets her just waltz out of his condo and come get her treat and pets from me before I take her back to him.

It was a nice little routine for all three of us and it gave me an excuse to see him every day.

I picked her up, holding her against my chest as I pet her languidly. Yoongi gave me a wide smile as he came up to me, his large hand reaching out to pet the cat as well. I took in his appearance, still in a pair of joggers, a white shirt and no shoes or socks. He had nowhere to be, so why was he out here?

“Where are you going to so casually dressed, Min Yoongi?” I teased him with a chuckle. His cheeks dusted a light shade of pink, eyes focused on his cat, seemingly avoiding my gaze.

“Um, actually, I wanted to ask if you wanted to come hang out tonight. Maybe get a pizza, eat too much and watch documentaries or some shit.” he asked lowly as he brought his chocolate eyes up to mine.

“Really?”

“I mean, you don’t have to, I just thought maybe it would be fun and neither of us ever seem to have plans on weekends. But, like I said, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Yoongi pointed out, sticking his hands in his pockets, something I had noticed he did anytime he was even the slightest bit uncomfortable.

“I’d really like that actually, Yoongi. It would be fun to not watch documentaries by myself for once.” I admitted as I handed Dexter over to him. “Okay, well, I can order pizza for us around six, after I’ve finished my piece. You can come over anytime after that.” I smiled, drawing one out of him in he process.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, Min Yoongi.”

Yoongi and I had spent until two in the morning watching documentaries and vegging out on his couch, eating far too much pizza. Conversation came easy and silence was comfortable with him, something I rarely experienced and I assumed it was the same with him. He wasn’t exactly the most social individual.

Now I found myself laying in my bed, thinking about all of our encounters over the last few months. I could hear the sound of him plucking away on his piano, it soothing to my ears. I had never had an issue falling asleep when he was composing, in fact, it was quite the opposite. It helped me fall into a deep slumber easily.

But, not tonight.

My mind kept wandering back to his lips and the way they always looked pouted, even when he was speaking. I thought about the way his nose would scrunch up when he was explaining a story or discussing a documentary. I also thought about the deepness of his voice, the way it would send a chill up my spine when it would dip below it’s usual tone.

Everything about Min Yoongi was driving me crazy and tonight only seemed to spur it on further. I wanted to know what it would feel like to be held by him. To feel his long fingers against my body, dancing along my skin like they did on the keys of his piano. I wanted to hear his deep voice, whispering to me with those pouted lips brushing against my ear.

All of those thoughts caused a heat in my lower belly, making me rub my thighs together trying to soothe the ache I was feeling between my legs now. I quickly tried to push all of those things out of my head, concentrating on the music coming from the other side of the wall.

I continued to listen to him play, trying my hardest to fall asleep, only to find I could not. He wouldn’t leave my thoughts, his face appearing every time I closed my eyes or his voice sounding in my ear. It was driving me mad.

Could he not sleep because he may have been feeling the same, or was it just simply his creativity keeping him up. It was nearly four in the morning now, much later than I had ever heard him stay up. Maybe he was trying to distract himself, like I was. Though I was not succeeding nearly as well as he was at it.

I suppose there was only one way to find out.

I threw the covers back from my bare legs, quickly throwing on the oversized hoodie Yoongi had let me borrow tonight and heading towards my front door. It nearly covered my shorts entirely, making it appear as if I wasn’t wearing any, but it really didn’t matter at this point to me. I didn’t even bother to slip on my sandals, I was trying not to think about what I was about to do. I quickly shut the door behind me, heading down he breezeway to his door.

Once I was in front of it, I just stood there, unsure of myself.

What if I'm completely wrong and he was just a lonely guy looking for a friend? What if I’m reading too much into it? What if I make everything awkward between us after this?

I shook those thoughts away and just knocked on his door without thinking about it further. I heard the piano stop, my heartbeat speeding up as I heard his footsteps approaching his door. I put my hands into the pockets of the sweatshirt, trying to become as small as I could. The door flew open, Dexter shooting out, realizing it was me and winding herself around my legs, her fur tickling my skin.

“Aloy, am I keeping you up? I can stop. I was just having trouble sleeping.” he apologized, his face showing his sincerity.

“No, you aren’t keeping me up, Yoongi. I just--I couldn’t sleep either. I kept thinking about tonight, actually. As strange as that sounds.” I replied bluntly, feeling my cheeks flush intensely. His eyes suddenly dropped to his cat, watching as she moved in and out of my legs.

“It’s not strange. I’ve been thinking about it too.” his response surprised me, my head tilting slightly. “Really?” he finally looked up, giving me a small smile.

“Yes. All I keep thinking about is how many times I had the opportunity to kiss you and I didn’t take it. I wanted to so many times and I had a really hard time not doing it. A really hard time. I didn’t though, because I obviously didn’t know if you would be okay with it and I was too big of a pussy to actually ask you if I could.” he revealed, pushing his door open a little wider.

“I would have said yes.” I informed him, giving him smile. I watched him pull his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes downward as it looked as if he was deep in thought. They finally came back up to meet mine, releasing his lip with a pop as he did.

“Do you wanna come back inside?” he questioned, his eyes looking as if they were growing darker. “Yes. I do.” he snapped his fingers at his feline, signally her to go back inside. “Dexy, in.” she listened, lazily walking past him, myself behind her. Yoongi shut and locked the door, then turned around to face me.

He didn’t look the least bit uncomfortable anymore.

My eyes were locked to his as he approached me, stopping just inches away. I could feel his warm breath on my face, making me briefly bite my bottom lip. He leaned in closer and closer, his mouth hovering above mine, my chest rising at a more rapid pace.

“Can I?” he asked, his deep voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes.”

He leaned in slowly, his lips finally meeting mine, the kiss cautious, careful. Once he pulled back, his eyes roamed my face, analyzing my response to his actions. I brought my hands up to his waist, placing them there gently as I met his stare. He licked his lips, eyes flicking down to mine and back up again as if asking me silently if he could do it again. I nodded yes, getting a smirk from him in response.

He dove back in, this time his kiss was confident and aggressive. I let him push me towards the nearest wall, pressing me against it as his body pinned me there for good. I kept my arms locked around his waist as his hands landed on both sides of my head against the wall. His tongue ran along the seam of my lips, asking for entrance and I instantly opened up to him.

Yoongi then moved his body flush against my own, his tongue dominating mine as one of his hands came over to cup my neck and tilt my head slightly. I could feel his length hardening against my thigh, making me groan into his mouth in which he responded by reaching down and cupping my throbbing pussy. I let out a gasp at his action, pulling my lips away.

He gave me a mischievous smirk, keeping his hand on my heat as he eyed me hungrily. I let my fingers travel down to the hem of his black long sleeved shirt, dipping under it to touch the soft skin of his stomach. I let the pads of my fingers skim across his navel, feeling goosebumps raise along his torso as I did. I moved lower, my index and middle finger running along the inside of the band of his underwear that was peeking out over top of his basketball shorts. He growled at me, grabbing my wrist and yanking them away.

“Come with me, I have something I want to show you.”

He gripped my wrist and pulled me down the hall to a door at the end of it. I realized this was the room closest to my own based on the layout. He pushed the door open, bringing me in behind him before shutting it. In the very middle of the room was a large black grand piano and the floor around it littered with papers. I noticed his bed was on the same wall as mine at the other end of the room, nearly in the exact same spot, headboard to headboard.

He dragged me over to his most prized possession, slamming the piano cover closed and then the fallboard to cover the keys. One of his arms wound around my my waist and the other under my legs, successfully picking me up bridal style and setting me on top of the large instrument. His hands parted my legs so he could step between them, his fingers gripping the tops of my thighs as he gazed up at me.

“Are you really going to Pretty Woman me right now?” I questioned him, taking my hand through that mint green hair carefully. His head tilted, eyebrow quirked like he didn’t know what I was referencing.

“I’ve never actually seen that movie. So what, he eats her out on top of a piano like I’m going to do to you?” my cheeks immediately flushed at his unbridled statement, making him lick his lips and smirk.

“Yes. That’s exactly what happens.” I responded, taking my hand through my own hair nervously.

“Well then, I’ll have to do it better than the movie I suppose.”

He hooked his thumbs into the band of my shorts, pulling them off in one swift motion, leaving me naked from the waist down. I wanted to shut my legs, but he was between them, palms on my knees keeping them wide open so I could not. He pressed himself against the piano fully, reaching up to grab onto the bottom of his sweatshirt I had on.

“I like this on you. Seeing you in it for the first time was another one of those moments I really wanted to kiss you.” he confessed as he carefully removed the sweatshirt from my torso, leaving me in only a oversized white shirt.

“Oh, was it?” laying his hands flat on the surface next to my thighs, he tilted his chin and connected our lips, making me sigh in response.

“Yes. Now, hush and take that shit off.” he demanded, fingers moving back to massage the tops of my thighs as I yanked the shirt off. I was now entirely bare before his dark eyes, my face flushing a little in embarrassment.

“You’re cute when you blush.” he commented, his soft hands running from my legs all the way to my hips, up my waist and then winding around until he reached the middle of my back. He then tugged me all the way to the edge of the piano.

I took both hands through his hair, giving it a light tug as he began to kiss along my neck and shoulders. He gripped my waist again, his lips moving lower and lower until he reached the valley of my breast. As he continued gracing my skin with the petals of his soft lips, he took my hands and removed them from his locks, placing them at my sides.

Yoongi let out a heavy breath before taking off his shirt and tossing it behind him carelessly. He then brought both hands up to my breast, immediately making a whimper fall from my lips. Kneading them gently he began kissing them again, worshiping them with his mouth in a sense.

“You have the rosiest nipples I have ever seen. They’re beautiful.” he remarked before taking one between his lips, making my stomach erupt in butterflies.

He pressed my breast together, running his mouth from bud to bud, sucking each into his mouth for a moment before moving back to the other. My back arched towards him, enjoying the feeling of his slow ministrations along my chest. It had been a long time since someone had paid my breast this much attention and I was loving every bit of it.

“Yoongi-” I whined at him as he swirled his tongue around one of the stiff peaks, his thumb rubbing back and forth along the other.

He finally pulled away, taking the back of my neck and bringing my lips down to his. The kiss was brief and before I knew it, he was placing his hand on my chest and pressing me to lay back against the top of the piano. He pried my legs open further, bringing his mouth down to kiss along my navel and hips, those eyes looking up at me hungrily.

“How are you this wet already?” he inquired as he ran a finger through my folds, making my back arch once again. “I’ve been wet since I left you the first time.” I admitted to him, covering my face with my forearm. He chuckled, lips traveling down to the top of my mound.

“Hm. Well then, I guess I had better take care of that then.”

He slowly ran his tongue up my slit, collecting all of my wetness and humming in satisfaction. One of his hands moved to the back of my thigh, pushing it towards my chest, placing my foot flat on the surface of the piano and giving him better access to my heat.

His fingers parted my folds further, mouth coming back in to lave his tongue along my clit in a back and forth motion. I began to wriggle beneath him, finding it hard to stay still as he continued to lap at me in what felt like slow motion. I placed my other foot up on the piano, encouraging him to delve in further. He reached up and smacked my inner thigh harshly, making me yelp.

“Impatient girl, calm yourself. I won’t leave you hanging.” he reassured me, knocking the foot I had propped out from under me, making me squeak in surprise.

He moved back to my pussy, returning to his relaxed pace, but pulling my clit between his lips and sucking slowly. I let out another whine as his hand reached up to play with one of my nipples, feeling him grin into my core. He sped up slightly, the tip of his tongue circling my bud.

I took one of my hands into his hair, scratching my nails along his scalp gently. I continued doing so as he continued to speed up ever so slightly every few minutes. I involuntarily yanked on his hair when he teeth nipped at my clit, making him growl, the vibration rolling through me nicely.

“Do you make a habit of growling into people’s pussies when you eat them out?” I asked, tugging on his hair playfully.

“Only when they taste as good as you do.” the back of his hand smacked my inner thigh once again, making me jump and let out a laugh.

I wasn’t laughing for long though, because his skilled tongue went back to work almost immediately. He grabbed the leg that was hanging off the edge of the piano and moved it to join the other that was propped up, giving him all the access he could possibly want. I felt his finger began wiggling at my entrance, slowly making it’s way inward, stretching my walls. A second followed after the first withdrew, and he began making a almost twisting like motion.

“Oh, God!” I called out, bringing my arms up behind my head as I arched forward.

“You can just call me Yoongi.” he joked, those piercing eyes gazing up at me with a devilish grin as I looked down at him with a scowl. His eyebrows raised at me, then suddenly, he curled his fingers and hit my sweet spot.

I instantly let out a cry of pleasure, fingers moving to grip the edge of the piano to try and ground myself. He repeated the motion, but returned his tongue to the mix, making my entire lower half feel as if it was on fire. I knew it would only take a few more curls of his long nimble fingers and I’d be done for. I felt both of his digits beginning to move separately, like he was dancing them like he would on the keys of his piano.

That did it, I constricted around him, my body tensing up entirely as I screamed out his name on top of his grand piano. He stopped the tap dancing movements and just pumped in and out of me as I rode out my intense climax. Once it had finished hitting me like a ton of bricks, I let out a deep breath I hadn’t realized I had been holding in.

I felt Yoongi’s lips kissing along my inner thighs as he withdrew his fingers at an agonizingly slow pace. But, once they were out, he took hold of my wrist and quickly yanked me off the top of the piano and connected our lips. The kiss was fierce, his hands groping my ass as I raked my nails down his back, surely leaving a red trail in their wake.

He pulled away suddenly, snarling at me before spinning me around and shoving me against the piano again with my ass facing him. I heard him rip down his shorts and kick them away before he stepped up behind me, his hard length pressing against me. His large hand landed against my ass, stinging and making me let out a hiss as the sound rang out in the wildly acoustic room.

“Now tell me, is anal involved in that notorious piano scene? Because if it isn’t, that’s a damn shame.” he commented into my ear, an involuntary moan passing through my parted lips. He laughed lowly at my reaction to his sinful words, obviously pleased by it.

“I take it as you’re into that then? Because I would most certainly be happy to indulge you.” he whispered as he kissed along the back of my neck, his fingers moving inwards towards my rim.

“Please do.” I consented, leaning on my elbows as I glanced over my shoulder at him.

“Well, I hit the fucking jackpot with you, didn’t I?” he remarked, leaving me momentarily to grab something from his bedside drawer. When he returned, I heard the click of a cap and the sound of something being squirted onto his fingers.

He pressed half of his body against mine, finger immediately finding my rim and circling it. I let out a gasp at the contact. It had been a long time since anyone had been back there, but that didn’t make me any less excited about it. One of his fingers slid in, a whimper leaving my lips as my head dropped, my hair splaying out all over the top of the black piano.

“Relax, I know what I’m doing.” Yoongi reassured me, kissing my temple tenderly as he added another finger to the party. This time I let out a loud moan, head flinging back as he began to wiggle them back and forth slightly.

“Man, finding a girl whose into anything anal related is a pain in the dick. Who would have guessed the beautiful, funny and smart girl next door would be so damn naughty?” he commented before biting down on my shoulder roughly as his fingers continued their work.

“Fuck!”

My voice cracked as my body still shook from my earlier release, my arousal dripping down my thighs as Yoongi kept going. It had been years since I had been with a man anything like Yoongi, and that man had been completely incompetent when it came to anything anal. But this, I could get used to this level of precision and enthusiasm.

“I think that’s good enough.” he declared, removing his digits, a whine of protest coming from me in return. He positioned himself behind me, kissing my neck softly as his hands held my hips.

“Hush, I didn’t say I was done.” the bottle top clicked again and I heard him squeeze out a healthy amount. A almost slick sound could be heard as he spread it along his cock, something I had yet to even see. I moved to turn and look, but he slammed me back against the piano, pressing my chest down against the cold surface.

“No peeking, baby. Just take what you’re given.”

“Yes, sir.” I said in compliance, my cheek pressed flat against the piano now as I waited for him to continue.

He seemed satisfied with that reply and then slowly started inserting the tip of his cock into my tight hole. That was always the worst part. As he pushed in, it began to sting slightly, making me squeeze my eyes shut in response. He was huge, no wonder he kept me from turning around. His hand smoothed up my spine soothingly and then back down again, repeating this action a few times until my body untensed and began to relax.

“I told you I knew what I was doing.” he reminded me with confidence as the rest of his length now slid in with ease. I let out a deep sigh as he filled me, the pain now subsiding as he stayed still for a few moments longer, hand still running up and down my back.

“You can move now.” I informed him, hand reaching behind me rest on his hip, wanting to feel him under my fingers since I couldn’t see him.

His hands moved back to my hips, holding me firmly as he withdrew slowly and then pushed back in. He did that a few more times before his pace began to increase, fingernails beginning to leave marks in my skin as he tried to control his urges.

“Harder.” I ordered, making him stop in surprise, tilting his head to look down at me as I smirked and side eyed him. He gave me that gummy smile, clearly excited by my demand.

“Oh, baby, I fucking like you.”

He barreled into me, a cry leaving both of us as he did. He wrapped one arm around my waist, the other moving down to my clit and beginning to rub it. His hips snapped into me, the sound of flesh hitting fleshing echoing throughout the room. I could feel the burning in my abdomen again as he pounded into me, my orgasm coming on fast and hard once more.

He sped up his movements on my clit, no doubt getting close himself. I moved my arm behind me, reaching back to tangle my fingers into those soft mint locks as he was fully pressed against my back. He went even harder, low grunts and growls rumbling in his chest as I whined underneath him.

“Fuck!” I literally screamed, my pussy clenching around nothing as I was hit by a second hard climax. My body trembled, legs shaking and knees wanting to give out as it pummeled through me like hurricane.

Yoongi kept going, pushing off of me to move back to holding onto my hips. His pace was brutal and rough, something I had not expected out of someone so frail looking. But, Min Yoongi was anything but frail. I heard a deep moan leave his chest and next thing I knew, he was releasing inside of me, hips sputtering and pace decreasing as he did so.

He finally stopped his movements, slowly and carefully pulling himself out of me. I just continued to lay against the top of the piano, two intense orgasms having wiped me out completely. I felt Yoongi take my upper arm, bringing me away from it before scooping me back up bridal style, carrying me to his bed and laying me down with the utmost care.

I instantly grabbed the fluffy black comforter and pulled it up over my shoulders, laying on my side and getting comfortable. He gave me a sweet smile as he crawled over and gave me a gentle kiss before getting back up. I watched him walk towards the door, confused as to where he was going without his clothes. But all he did was crack the door a little, letting Dexter shoot past him and run to the bed.

She jumped up, doing circles at the end of the bed while Yoongi sat at the edge, opening his laptop and fiddling with it for a few minutes as I lay back down and waited. Dexter finally got comfortable and laid down just as Yoongi was finishing whatever he was doing on his computer. He held it in his hand as he got under the covers beside me, stretching his arm out for me to curl up next to him. He set the laptop down on his hips turning it slightly so I could see, then pressed play.

“Are you serious right now?” I proclaimed with a laugh as the opening credits to Pretty Woman started up. Another gummy smile appeared on his lips, his eyes glued to the screen.

“I figured after that whole piano thing, I should see how I did in comparison.” he replied, his tone slightly arrogant and rightfully so.

“Oh, believe me, there’s no comparison needed, Min Yoongi.”

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boreothegoldfinch · 3 years

Text

chapter 6 paragraph iv

I still saw him—just not as much. More and more he spent nights with Kotku and her mother at the Double R Apartments—a transient hotel really, a broken down motor court from the 1950s, on the highway between the airport and the Strip, where guys who looked like illegal immigrants stood around the courtyard by the empty swimming pool and argued over motorcycle parts. (“Double R?” said Hadley. “You know what that stands for, right? ‘Rats and Roaches.’ ”) Kotku, mercifully, didn’t accompany Boris to my house all that much, but even when she wasn’t around he talked about her constantly. Kotku had cool taste in music and had made him a mix CD with a bunch of smoking hot hip-hop that I really had to listen to. Kotku liked her pizza with green peppers and olives only. Kotku really really wanted an electronic keyboard— also a Siamese kitten, or maybe a ferret, but wasn’t allowed to have pets at the Double R. “Serious, you need to spend more time with her, Potter,” he said, bumping my shoulder with his. “You’ll like her.” “Oh come on,” I said, thinking of the smirky way she behaved around me —laughing at the wrong time, in a nasty way, always commanding me to go to the fridge to fetch her beers. “No! She likes you! She does! I mean, she thinks of you more as a little brother. That’s what she said.” “She never says a word to me.” “That’s because you don’t talk to her.” “Are you guys screwing?” Boris made an impatient noise, the sound he made when things didn’t go his way. “Dirty mind,” he said, tossing the hair out of his eyes, and then: “What? What do you think? Do you want me to make you a map?” “Draw you a map.” “Eh?” “That’s the phrase. ‘Do you want me to draw you a map.’ ” Boris rolled his eyes. Waving his hands around, he started in again about how intelligent Kotku was, how “crazy smart,” how wise she was and how much life she had lived and how unfair I was to judge her and look down on her without bothering to get to know her; but while I sat half listening to him talk, and half watching an old noir movie on television (Fallen Angel, Dana Andrews), I couldn’t help thinking about how he’d met Kotku in what was essentially Remedial Civics, the section for students who weren’t smart enough (even in our extremely non-demanding school) to pass without extra help. Boris—good at mathematics without trying and better in languages than anyone I’d ever met—had been forced into Civics for Dummies because he was a foreigner: a school requirement which he greatly resented. (“Because why? Am I likely to be someday voting for Congress?”) But Kotku— eighteen! born and raised in Clark County! American citizen, straight off of Cops!—had no such excuse. Over and over, I caught myself in mean-spirited thoughts like this, which I did my best to shake. What did I care? Yes, Kotku was a bitch; yes, she was too dumb to pass regular Civics and wore cheap hoop earrings from the drugstore that were always getting caught in things, and yes, even though she was only eighty-one pounds or whatever she still scared the hell out of me, like she might kick me to death with her pointy-toed boots if she got mad enough. (“She a little fighta nigga,” Boris himself had said boastfully at one point as he hopped around throwing out gang signs, or what he thought were gang signs, and regaling me with a story of how Kotku had pulled out a bloody chunk of some girl’s hair—this was another thing about Kotku, she was always getting in scary girl fights, mostly with other white trash girls like herself but occasionally with the real gangsta girls, who were Latina and black.) But who cared what crappy girl Boris liked? Weren’t we still friends? Best friends? Brothers practically?

Then again: there was not exactly a word for Boris and me. Until Kotku came along, I had never thought too much about it. It was just about drowsy air-conditioned afternoons, lazy and drunk, blinds closed against the glare, empty sugar packets and dried-up orange peels strewn on the carpet, “Dear Prudence” from the White Album (which Boris adored) or else the same mournful old Radiohead over and over: For a minute I lost myself, I lost myself… The glue we sniffed came on with a dark, mechanical roar, like the windy rush of propellers: engines on! We fell back on the bed into darkness, like sky divers tumbling backwards out of a plane, although—that high, that far gone —you had to be careful with the bag over your face or else you were picking dried blobs of glue out of your hair and off the end of your nose when you came to. Exhausted sleep, spine to spine, in dirty sheets that smelled of cigarette ash and dog, Popchik belly-up and snoring, subliminal whispers in the air blowing from the wall vents if you listened hard enough. Whole months passed where the wind never stopped, blown sand rattling against the windows, the surface of the swimming pool wrinkled and sinister-looking. Strong tea in the mornings, stolen chocolate. Boris yanking my hair by the handful and kicking me in the ribs. Wake up, Potter. Rise and shine. I told myself I didn’t miss him, but I did. I got stoned alone, watched Adult Access and the Playboy channel, read Grapes of Wrath and The House of the Seven Gables which seemed as if they had to be tied for the most boring book ever written, and for what felt like thousands of hours—time enough to learn Danish or play the guitar if I’d been trying—fooled around in the street with a fucked-up skateboard Boris and I had found in one of the foreclosed houses down the block. I went to swim-team parties with Hadley —no-drinking parties, with parents present—and, on the weekends, attended parents-away parties of kids I barely knew, Xanax bars and Jägermeister shots, riding home on the hissing CAT bus at two a.m. so fucked up that I had to hold the seat in front of me to keep from falling out in the aisle. After school, if I was bored, it was easy enough to go hang out with one of the big lackadaisical stoner crowds who floated around between Del Taco and the kiddie arcades on the Strip. But still I was lonely. It was Boris I missed, the whole impulsive mess of him: gloomy, reckless, hot-tempered, appallingly thoughtless. Boris pale and pasty, with his shoplifted apples and his Russian-language novels, gnaweddown fingernails and shoelaces dragging in the dust. Boris—budding alcoholic, fluent curser in four languages—who snatched food from my plate when he felt like it and nodded off drunk on the floor, face red like he’d been slapped. Even when he took things without asking, as he all too frequently did —little things were always disappearing, DVDs and school supplies from my locker, more than once I’d caught him going through my pockets for money —his own possessions meant so little to him that somehow it wasn’t stealing; whenever he came into cash himself, he split it with me down the middle and anything that belonged to him, he gave me gladly if I asked for it (and sometimes when I didn’t, as when Mr. Pavlikovsky’s gold lighter, which I’d admired in passing, turned up in the outside pocket of my backpack). The funny thing: I’d worried, if anything, that Boris was the one who was a little too affectionate, if affectionate is the right word. The first time he’d turned in bed and draped an arm over my waist, I lay there half-asleep for a moment, not knowing what to do: staring at my old socks on the floor, empty beer bottles, my paperbacked copy of The Red Badge of Courage. At last— embarrassed—I faked a yawn and tried to roll away, but instead he sighed and pulled me closer, with a sleepy, snuggling motion. Ssh, Potter, he whispered, into the back of my neck. Is only me.

It was weird. Was it weird? It was; and it wasn’t. I’d fallen back to sleep shortly after, lulled by his bitter, beery unwashed smell and his breath easy in my ear. I was aware I couldn’t explain it without making it sound like more than it was. On nights when I woke strangled with fear there he was, catching me when I started up terrified from the bed, pulling me back down in the covers beside him, muttering in nonsense Polish, his voice throaty and strange with sleep. We’d drowse off in each other’s arms, listening to music from my iPod (Thelonious Monk, the Velvet Underground, music my mother had liked) and sometimes wake clutching each other like castaways or much younger children. And yet (this was the murky part, this was what bothered me) there had also been other, way more confusing and fucked-up nights, grappling around half-dressed, weak light sliding in from the bathroom and everything haloed and unstable without my glasses: hands on each other, rough and fast, kickedover beers foaming on the carpet—fun and not that big of a deal when it was actually happening, more than worth it for the sharp gasp when my eyes rolled back and I forgot about everything; but when we woke the next morning stomach-down and groaning on opposite sides of the bed it receded into an incoherence of backlit flickers, choppy and poorly lit like some experimental film, the unfamiliar twist of Boris’s features fading from memory already and none of it with any more bearing on our actual lives than a dream. We never spoke of it; it wasn’t quite real; getting ready for school we threw shoes, splashed water at each other, chewed aspirin for our hangovers, laughed and joked around all the way to the bus stop. I knew people would think the wrong thing if they knew, I didn’t want anyone to find out and I knew Boris didn’t either, but all the same he seemed so completely untroubled by it that I was fairly sure it was just a laugh, nothing to take too seriously or get worked up about. And yet, more than once, I had wondered if I should step up my nerve and say something: draw some kind of line, make things clear, just to make absolutely sure he didn’t have the wrong idea. But the moment had never come. Now there was no point in speaking up and being awkward about the whole thing, though I scarcely took comfort in the fact. I hated how much I missed him. There was a lot of drinking going on at my house, on Xandra’s end anyway, a lot of slammed doors (“Well, if it wasn’t me, it had to be you,” I heard her yelling); and without Boris there (they were both more constrained with Boris in the house) it was harder. Part of the problem was that Xandra’s hours at the bar had changed—schedules at her work had been moved; she was under a lot of stress, people she’d worked with were gone, or on different shifts; on Wednesdays and Mondays when I got up for school, I often found her just in from work, sitting alone in front of her favorite morning show too wired to sleep and swigging Pepto-Bismol straight from the bottle.

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