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cjsinkythoughts · 3 years

Text

In Need of a Breath

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 4007

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Zemo, Feelings, Another PTSD Flashback

A/N: So…Part 4 is going to have a couple parts to it. Maybe even three. I didn’t even make it half way through the episode on this one, mainly because I really wanted to fit in the Reader’s backstory and I wanted her and Sam to have a heart-to-heart again. I’m suuuuper tired, so I probably won’t be posting the next part for another few hours (it’s 5 am right now and I haven’t slept), BUT it’s my day off work and I won’t be doing anything I planned because my grandmother had a stroke a couple days ago so plans have changed and I’m staying in to help her, meaning I’ll mostly be writing all day.

This Part is kind of a mix between off-screen and shot-by-shots, but it’s mostly off screen/what’s going on inside Reader’s head.

I’m really excited about future parts and the characters that are being introduced! I will say that after these parts, I will be doing one shots of previous MCU movies with the Reader, due to the information that is being given about the Reader now. You kind of see more of how she was affected/how she affected the previous MCU movies and what she was doing during that time.

Like always, this hasn’t been beta’d, again it’s SUPER early in the morning, and I’m really tired, so please excuse any mistakes! I hope you guys enjoy this part! Stay tuned for more to come later today!

FATWS MASTERLIST

cjsinkythoughts MASTERLIST

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

“You know…I’m really starting to regret saying yes to this.” You huffed out, craning your neck and squinting your eyes against the sun as you stare at the facility in front of you, hating the skin-crawling feeling of being back.

“Would you relax? Whenever you’re nervous, I get nervous, and I don’t wanna be nervous about this.” Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Do either of you have a better plan?” Bucky grumbled, crossing his arms.

Gnawing on your lips, you finally take the lead and breathe out, “alright. Let’s go then.” You could feel the hesitance from your - what were they? Partners? Coworkers? Teammates? - the fellas before they started after you.

There was a sick twist in your gut as you entered the building, going through the lobby and security.

You had been there.

You had been there when Zemo impersonated Bucky. You had been there when Zemo unleashed the Winter Soldier at the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre Building in Berlin. You had been there during the battle at the airport. You had been there when Zemo turned Tony and Steve against each other in Siberia. You had been there when Zemo tore the Avengers from the inside out. Your family. The only family you’d ever known.

But you’d always been good about pushing your personal feelings aside for the sake of the mission. It’s what you’d been born to do. All you ever knew.

“Hey. Doll. You hear me?”

“Hmm. What?” You looked up from the ground to look into those enchanting blue oceans Bucky had for eyes, staring worriedly down at you, eyebrows pinched and forehead creased.

“I’m going in alone.” You frowned, opening your mouth to argue, but he shook his head. “Sam already agreed-”

“I didn’t necessarily agree-”

“You’re an Avenger, sweetheart.” Bucky tilted his head, speaking softly, those eyes of his worried. Worried for you. It made your stomach flip. “And you were there in Siberia, and that almost makes it worse. Especially considering you went after him. Just…just let me do this, okay?”

You cracked your knuckles nervously as you thought. It was a terrible idea. But it was an idea. And it was all they had. “Okay.” You finally relented, shrugging as your hands hit your thighs and slid up to your hips. “But don’t do anything stupid.”

“Steve took all that with him.”

Knowing about their little inside joke, you scoffed. “Sure he did. Go before I change my mind.”

You watched him walk down the hallway, hands fidgeting with excess nerves. “I think you’re the only one he actually seeks approval from.”

“Good thing I’m so lenient then, huh?” You joked, turning to Sam with a strained smile. Your smile slipped at the curious expression on Sam’s face, his eyes darting to each of your features. “What?”

“Are you doing okay?”

You groaned, throwing your head back. You thought you got out of talking about your feelings back in Baltimore. “Oh my God, Sam-”

“I’m serious. You…you just don’t seem like yourself.”

You shook your head, looking down the hall to where Bucky disappeared before turning back to him. It was weird to have a self that people recognized. Your whole life you’d been searching for it and when you finally found it…everything went to shit. “Honestly, Sammy, the only time I’ve ever felt like myself was with the team. Zemo took that away from me and now we’re here, practically begging him for help.”

Sam hummed, leaning against the wall. “Have you thought of taking a break?”

“What?”

“A break.” At your bewildered look, he rolled his eyes. “Cher, this time last year most of us were dead. This time a few months ago you found out about Wanda. This time last week you were out looking for her. Maybe you should just stop and take a breather.”

Shoving your hands in your pocket and looking at the floor, you couldn’t help but snort at his advice. “I haven’t taken a breather since I was eighteen.”

He clicked his tongue. “That’s my point. FBI academy as soon as you graduated. SHIELD recruit by 21, undercover operations leader by 24? Slow down. You’re in your thirties. Next thing you know, you’re gonna be ninety something, lying on your deathbed, wishing you had stopped to smell the roses.”

“If I live to be ninety, shoot me.” He chuckled in amusement. “I’m so fucking serious, Sam. I will not be put in an old folks home to play Bingo and be pushed around in a wheelchair. It ain’t happening.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” There was that infectious smile, which you unconsciously grinned back at. “Y/N…I’m serious. You’ve been in and out of missions since you were a teenager. What’s the shortest undercover operation you’ve done?”

“I dunno.”

He gave you an unimpressed look. “Yeah you do.”

Licking your lips, you turned away and shrugged. “A couple months. Seven weeks and three days, to be precise. September to October in 2012.”

“And the longest?”

“August 2007 to May 2009. Twenty one months.”

Letting out a puff of air through his nose, Sam pushed himself off the wall and caught your chin between his fingers to make you look at him. “That’s nearly two years under cover. And I’m sure you went right back under after-”

“I was sitting at a desk for four months doing paperwork on it.” You defended yourself.

He shook his head, brows knitting together, lips drawn down. “You say that as if four months is enough time.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Sammy. I’m out. I’ve been out since Ultron and Sokovia. I haven’t been under in almost a decade-”

“A decade half the world was dead for half of-”

“I wasn’t!”

“I never said you were.” Sam sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. You were always amazed at his ability to keep his emotions in check. To stay cool under pressure. Sometimes you forgot how experienced he was with dealing with other people’s trauma. It was no wonder why Steve thought he’d be good for Bucky. “Listen. All I’m saying is once this is done…don’t go diving back into searching for Wanda. Don’t go running to the kid every time he calls - and I know you’ve been doing that-”

“It’s just been homework and stuff-”

“Y/N.” You stopped, biting your lip at the stern look he gave you. “Go home. Order take out. Binge watch TV. Go for a jog through the park. Actually meet your neighbors. Go grocery shopping. Just…live. If only for a couple weeks. Don’t worry about anyone else. Don’t pick up the phone, don’t drop everything because someone needs you. You need you.”

“I-I…” You shook your head, looking at him, sincerely apologetic. “I can’t. I wish I could. But I can’t. I’ve never had one normal day in my life. I’ve never had someone to care for, never had someone to care for me. I can’t let people I’ve come to…I can’t let them think I don’t care. I don’t even know where I’d go.”

“Whaddya mean?”

You winced, not thrilled for his reaction to your next statement. “I, uh, I sold my apartment in D.C.”

He gaped at you in complete disbelief. “You got it in December!”

“I know, I know. I liked it. I really did, but…I dunno. Nomadic life has always suited me better. It’s what I grew up with.”

He took a breath, making you cringe again. You don’t think you’ve ever legitimately gotten on his nerves like this before. “Have you ever thought that, instead of going with the flow and jumping place to place, putting down roots might actually help?” He cut you off before you could say anything, holding up a finger to stop you from talking. “I can’t imagine going from foster home to foster home like you did. I can’t imagine not having a home for as long as you can remember. Louisiana’s my home. Always has, always will be. But I understand your life has been anything but stable. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why you need some stability.”

You clenched your jaw, crossing your arms. “The Avengers were my stability. Steve was my stability.”

“Because you loved him.”

“I’m not doing this with you again.” You turned to walk down to the lobby to wait for Bucky there, but Sam caught your arm.

“You were in love with him! It’s okay! You two were super close! No one would blame you! Why won’t you just admit it? I’m trying to understand! Why won’t you-”

You tugged your arm away, finally snapping at him. “Because he could never be mine, Wilson! Is that what you wanna hear?!” Sam took a step back at your exclamation. You closed your eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat and pushing down the tears. “He could preach all he wanted about moving forwards, Sammy, but we all knew he was stuck in the past. He visited the museum every Thursday because her interview showed in his exhibit on Thursdays. He carried around that broken compass because her picture was in it.” You looked back up at him sadly, shrugging. “And I get it; it’s hard to move past your first love. I get it because…that’s what he was to me.”

There was a silence that blanketed the hallway, before he spoke up hesitantly. “What about Bucky?”

“I thought - I thought I was projecting my feelings for Steve onto him because I knew Steve couldn’t ever…”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You thought? What do you think now?”

You cleared your throat. “I’m still figuring that one out.”

“If you ever need to talk, I’ll be here.”

You chuckled, nodding slightly towards him. “Back atcha. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not being yourself lately, either.”

“It’s…a tough topic.”

You nodded in understanding. “Just know that I’ll support every decision you make as long as you think it’s the right one. Because I trust you. Steve trusted you. It’s all we can do to try to do what’s right. That’s what makes you a good man, Sammy. He gave you that shield for a reason, and if you think what you did was right…I’ll stand by it.”

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, calming down in each other’s presences and taking comfort knowing you’d be there for each other through thick and thin. “Thank you, cher.”

“Of course, Sammy. Now let’s go see what’s taking the old grump so long.”

He laughed at that, nodding in agreement, taking your offered hand and squeezing it as you made your way down the hall.

****************

“What?”

Bucky eyed you as you spluttered, coughing on the water you were drinking. “Please don’t choke, doll.”

“Break him out of jail?!” You repeated his words and blinked at him, absolutely baffled by his plan. “Oh my God.” You groaned as Bucky and Sam started arguing, moving your flashlight around the room. “Where the hell are we?” There was no response as they kept going back and forth.

“Zemo’s gonna mess with our minds! Especially yours! No offense.”

“Heelllloooo!” You tried again. “Where the hell are we?!”

Bucky turned on the lights, giving Sam a look. “Offense.” Glancing at you he quirked an eyebrow. “Stop worrying your pretty lil’ head, sweetheart. You trust me, dontcha?” Your breath hitched at his words. You quickly recovered, huffing and pouting - although you’d deny ever pouting - and crossing your arms. You stood between the guys like that, eyes darting to whoever was speaking, waiting for them to stop so you could actually think.

“Look. Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?”

You and Sam exchanged glances. “What did you do?”

“I…didn’t do…anything.” Bucky shrugged.

“How is it that you, one of the most deadliest assassins basically ever, are one of the worst liars I know.” You tilted your head at him, an eyebrow quirking up in confusion.

“Shush it you. Just, okay. The weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meatware. The human element.”

The more you listened to Bucky’s “hypothetical”, the stronger the gut feeling telling you this was a terrible terrible idea got. You brought your hands up to your head, eyes wide as he spoke.

“I don’t like how casual you’re bein’ about this. This is unnatural.”

You couldn’t help but agree with Sam’s words, your head falling back and your eyes closing. “Sweet Jesus. Listen, God, I know we don’t talk much these days, but please, please don’t let this not be a hypothetical. I’m fucking begging you.”

A noise to your right made your head snap over. “Oh hell to the fucking no!” You shook your head as Zemo himself walked in, wearing a prison guards uniform. “Uh-uh! No way! Bucky, this was not part of the plan!”

“What did you do?!”

“We need him!”

“You’re going back to prison.”

“If I may-”

All three of you faced him, simultaneously shouting, “no!”

You held your face in your hands as your head dropped, shaking back and forth, your eyes squeezing shut, tuning them out for just a minute to think. Bucky had a point. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that, and the Avengers were technically disbanded, which was Zemo’s whole objective in the first place, but…God. You were good at compartmentalizing, but not that much. You were willing to put your feelings aside for the mission so Bucky could talk to him. Not for you to work with him. But he had connections, you knew he did, and he had information…

“Doll?” You looked up, Bucky anxiously licking his lips as he met your gaze. “I need you to say something.”

You looked to Sam, who shrugged, gesturing to Zemo. “What do you think?”

What did you think? What did you think?! You thought that it was the worst idea in the history of ideas and you should turn back and find another way! But…you knew this was the fastest, probably most reliable way to get information that you needed.

Dammit, since when were you the deciding factor?

You sucked in a breath, looking over Sam’s shoulder at Zemo, who lifted his hand in greeting. You raised your eyes to the ceiling, pointing your finger accusingly. “This is why we stopped talking.” Gaze dropping to the still waiting fellas, you gnawed on your lip, before hissing out, “ffffine…” Running a hand through your hair, you threw your hands up as you shrugged. “Fine. Okay. Fine.”

“Okay.” Sam nodded, taking charge again.

You couldn’t believe this was happening. Except, that was a lie. You could. You’d seen weirder. You’d experienced the impossible. Lived through the unbelievable. This…this was completely imaginable.

Which is why, with a lot of hesitation and very little confidence in this plan, you followed Zemo through the auto shop you were in until you reached a large room with a ton of different old cars.

Bucky’s hand found yours as Zemo explained what the plan was, rather vaguely, in your opinion, but at least he was explaining. Point for him. Not that it would make up for the level of distrust you held for him, but it was something.

You looked up at him, giving him a puzzling frown. He usually only grabbed your hand in front of other people when he was feeling anxious. Which, yeah, he had a right to be anxious right now, but it wasn’t the right kind. The type of anxiety caused by large crowds and loud noises, ones that startled him and threw him into a defensive mode.

But the look on his face made you squeeze his hand in reassurance. He was pouting, staring at you although he did something wrong - a puppy that tore up a pillow - and all you wanted to do was give him a hug.

“You’re mad at me.” He mumbled as the four of you headed out with Zemo in the lead.

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you are.

“Bucky, I’m not mad.”

“Listen, if I had a better idea I wouldn’t-”

You brought your linked hands up to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his gloved knuckles. “I’m not mad.” You repeated more firmly. “It’s just…a lot for me, right now.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, Buck, I-I just…” You thought about your and Sam’s earlier conversation and suddenly understood what he meant. “I need to breathe for a second.”

His features twisted into ones of uncertainty, eyes squinting as you stepped outside. “Do you…do you wanna leave?”

You shook your head, tugging his arm to stop him and grabbing the sunglasses on his collar, slipping them over his eyes. “No. I just need some time to think. Hopefully the plane ride to wherever the hell we’re going will give me that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, James. I’m sure.”

He lowered the glasses on his nose to scan you over the frames, before nodding and sliding them back up. “Okay. You ready for this, then?”

“No.” You breathed, turning back to where Zemo and Sam were still walking. “Let’s do this.”

*****************

Climbing onto the private jet, you raised an eyebrow at Sam, who shrugged, giving you a bemused expression. A Baron…huh…who knew? You feel like you should’ve, yet there you were.

You sat besides Bucky, across from Zemo, crossing your legs and leaning back while staring at him through narrowed eyes.

His butler seemed nice, which made you even more suspicious. You obviously didn’t know as much about Zemo as you wanted to. It was a habit you picked up after years of undercover work; once the mission was complete, that was that. There was no looking back on it. No sitting on it. It was over and you moved onto the next one. It was a bad habit in cases like this.

The moment you spotted the notebook over Zemo’s book you knew something was going to happen, yet you still flinched when Bucky lunged at him, grabbing his throat. You leaned back in your seat again, steadying your now racing heartbeat. You decided you were too tense, trying to relax your muscles as Bucky sat back down in his seat.

“I’ve seen that book. It was Steve’s when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book.” Sam seemed so proud of himself that something he recommended was written in Steve’s little book and it made you smile.

You remembered that; Steve and you were supposed to meet up for coffee after his run, but Fury called him in so you rescheduled it for when he got back. He asked you about Marvin Gaye. For your opinion. You told him to check it out and make his own.

You remembered asking him about that little notebook of his, and he just shrugged you off telling you about his list. He would read items off to you, but he never let you read the book yourself. You never found out why, and you supposed you never would now. The thought made an ache behind your ribs that you’d come to familiarize yourself with appear.

You smiled a little more as Zemo and Sam told Bucky how awesome Marvin Gaye was. “C’mon, baby. Back me up.”

Chuckling, you looked at Bucky. “They’re not wrong. But,” you quickly added before Bucky could whine at you, facing Sam again. “Neither is Buck. I mean, c’mon. You can’t find music like the 40’s anymore. Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Benny Goodman, Fred Astaire. Ol’ Blue Eyes himself.”

“Thank you.” Bucky grinned at Sam, who rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay. But, I mean, c’mon! Everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

“I like Marvin Gaye.”

“Steve adored Marvin Gaye.”

Your face fell as Zemo started talking about Steve and icons and Red Skull, your mind once again slipping away from reality.

“Kids love you.” You giggled as you finally made it out of his exhibit. You’d wanted to show it to him since he moved to D.C., and you’d finally got an opportunity after coming back from being undercover for ten weeks. “You’re their hero, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

You nudged him, scoffing at his answer. “You’re too humble. You’re a national icon, you know.”

Steve shrugged, looking around the museum at the planes surrounding them. “I never wanted to be.”

“Why not? Everyone loves you.”

“I’m sure not everyone loves me.” He rolled his eyes. “And…I just wanted to help. To fight. Protect my country and the people I cared about. I-I didn’t ask for…all that.” He waved behind his shoulder where his exhibit was getting smaller with each step they took away. “People were dying. Bullies were winning.”

You shook your head, spinning and walking backwards besides him to face him. “Sure, but you did that. And you became someone people could look up to in the process.”

He narrowed his eyes at you before asking, “why do you do what you do?”

“...because I’m good at it?”

“Honey.” He gave you a look. “Answer the question.”

You hummed in thought. “Because I couldn’t stand by, knowing there would be orphaned kids if I didn’t help any way I could.”

“Alright. Why do you do it in the dark?”

“Whaddya mean?”

He shrugged. “Why don’t you come out and take credit for all the lives you’ve saved?”

“Because that’s not why I do it. I don’t want that attention. I just want to know I’ve helped people. I’ve kept them safe.”

He gave you a soft smile. “I just wanted to beat the bully. I never wanted to be a dancing monkey, too.” You looked at him in a new light then, understanding where he was coming from. “Watch out, honey!” He grabbed you and pulled you aside before you could crash into a wall, arms wrapped firmly around your waist. He gave you that charming smile of his. “Wouldn’t want you hurting that pretty lil’ head of yours, now would we?”

“Y/N!”

You snapped back into the conversation, moving your eyes from the window to Bucky, who tilted his head, eyebrows pinched and eyes narrowed. “Sorry. So, Madripoor. That’s a fun place.”

You ignored the side eyed glances Bucky and Sam exchanged, Sam turning to you curiously. “You’ve been?”

“Once. Back in 2010 for a few months”

Zemo raised his eyebrows. “You’re lucky to have gotten out.”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Lucky, maybe. Skills were a part of it, too, though.”

“Good.” Zemo nodded. “Because we’re going undercover…and if we blow it. We’re dead.”

You breathed out, shaking your memory away and getting your head back into the game. Because like the man you were severely wary of in front of you said, if you blew this, you were dead. And, sure, you didn’t want to live until ninety, but you weren’t even half way there yet. So dammit if you were going to die soon.

“Hey.” You looked over at Bucky’s murmur, his head tilting as he grabbed your hand and pulled you from your seat closer to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Are you okay? You know you’re going to have to be-”

“I know.” He nodded. You watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed thickly. “I’ll be fine. Just…tell me right now if you need to step out for this one.”

You gave him a smile that you knew he didn’t buy, just by the slight narrowing of his eye, his lips pressing together. “No. No, I’m good for this. If you think I’m gonna let you two idiots go into Madripoor with him - alone - oil that cyborg brain of yours, because there’s no way.”

He squeezed your hand, eyes still filled with uncertainty. “Are you sure?”

“If there’s even a slight possibility that I can protect you, then yeah. I’m sure, Buckaroo.”

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biisexualemma · 3 years

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boys ain't shit. oscar diaz

word count: 2.2k

warnings: swearing, lots of just angst and angry feminist energy and if this doesn't align with your beliefs, feel free to leave!

requested: 'Hey!! First I want to say that you are an amazing writer so talented! So I was wondering if I could request and imagine with spookyxreader and she overhears Oscar speaking about her or something like maybe she is to clingy or anything you think will fit and then she sort of starts to leave him alone does t opposite of what she heard he doesn't like drifts a little he sees the change questions her and she tells him why- and so angst to fluff If you hate please disregard And thanks anyway ❤️'

a/n: thank you for this lovely request, i only apologise that it took me so long to write! but i'm also glad it did because i kept re-writing this over and over again and it never came out right, but i really love this version! i changed it slightly from the request lol i was listening to 'your power' by billie eilish on a loop while writing this and a lot of anger and preaching came out-- oop-- but also not mad about it. i really like this and hope you do too! enjoy 🤍

on my block masterlist / main masterlist

anger bubbled in your chest but your cheeks were flushed pink with embarrassment. your stomach lurched, a mixture of emotions swirling through you. you were angry at him for being such an asshole, but mostly you were embarrassed that you'd found yourself in this position and hurt that he would think to treat you like this. he was an asshole, he always had been, you knew it before you started dating but, somehow, he still managed to worm his way in. mainly because when you were alone he was careful, and sweet, and kind. he cared about you, he told you any chance he got, and you believed him. you were always convinced he meant everything he said, which is why this stung all the more.

"nah, it ain't even like that— she's everywhere man, how you s'posed to shake a hyna like that?" their laughter rang through your ears as you stood, feet frozen in place, out of sight to them. "shit's ridiculous. she's always on top of me."

"man— if i had a hyna that fine on top o' me all the time—"

"the things i'd do—"

you shook your head, blocking out their vulgar comments and trying to rid of oscar's shrewd laughter filling your ears. you were sick to your stomach hearing him talk about you like that, to hear him encouraging his friends crude jokes about you.

you couldn't stop yourself as the small scoff left your lips, catching one of the boys' attention. sad eyes, his smile faltering when he spotted you tucked around the side of the house, listening to every word. "shit," you heard him mumble, nudging oscar whose back was facing you.

oscar always had a thing about keeping up his reputation, which you understood, to some extent, but this had nothing to do with that. this was his friends, talking about you as if you were an object to satisfy their needs. and he was encouraging them. this was you they were talking about, when he claimed to love you.

this wasn't a side to oscar you ever wanted to see, or believe existed. you knew how his friends could be, but to hear him condoning the shit coming out of his friends mouths, made you feel unbelievably uncomfortable.

not to even mention that he was being downright mean, and sleazy in talking about you. you could feel your anger growing the longer you stood there. oscar glanced over his shoulder, his face falling when his eyes met yours. your hands clenched into fists, biting down on the inside of your cheek.

you shook your head, finally knocked out of your state of shock, turning and stomping away from the group of santos. your breathing grew heavier, sweat dripping off you as the sweltering heat started to get to you. you were so angry you could cry. you trusted oscar with everything, it took you a long time to get to that point, and this is how he treated you.

you could hear his muffled calls from behind you getting louder as you continued to march away from the house. you yanked your wrist away when you felt his hand latch onto you, and carried on your walk home.

he sped up, jogging so he stopped dead in front of you, holding out his hands when you tried to manoeuvre around him. "i don't wanna talk to you right now," you spoke calmly, trying again to move past him, his hands latching onto your shoulders to keep you still.

"just— hang on will you—"

you shook your head repeatedly. "no—"

"i don't know what you heard but—" his grip tightened when you tried to wriggle free.

"no," you repeated harsher.

"y/n— c'mon— that was nothing—"

"oscar," you raised your voice, cutting off his ramblings. his eyes never left your face, his eyebrows unknitting when your frown deepened. he scrunched his eyes shut for a second, frustrated he'd upset you. he was annoyed with himself for being so stupid. "no," you repeated once more. his hands slowly released their grip on you, letting you walk passed him. you heard his curse under his breath, walking away from him.

you felt your lip quiver, a lump now growing in your throat as your anger turned into heartache. you weren't sure you wanted to forgive him. but, for now at least, you were going to give him exactly what he wanted. space.

hours later and you were stood in the middle of a crowded party, your teeth clenched around the rim of a red solo cup, biting nervously. you hadn't wanted to come, you would much rather have been at home with a pint of ice cream. but your friend convinced you that getting out of the house tonight would be better for you than wasting away your life thinking about boys and eating ice cream. so far, you weren't so sure she was right.

you'd lost count the amount of times you'd heard loosen up and, you should smile more, thrown at you tonight. you weren't in the right headspace to be surrounded by people who were drunk out of their mind, constantly telling you to cheer up. you wanted to shout out to the entire party, fuck off, so everyone would know to just leave you alone.

so when you spotted his familiar face across the room, having just entered the party, you almost lost it. "no," you muttered to yourself. "not happening," you shook your head. he had been exactly what you came here to get away from. you let out frustrated sigh, shoving your cup into your friends hand and pushing yourself out of the crowd of people.

you hoped to god that oscar hadn't spotted you. you could not hash this out with him right now, that pint of ice cream in your freezer at home was calling your name, and you were ready to claim it.

"fuck me," you felt a hand graze the small of your back. you shivered away from the unwanted touch, turning with a deep-set frown on your face, towards the stranger who'd touched you. "you're hot when you're angry like that—"

"i'm also a fucking psycho when i'm angry so back off," you spat harshly, pushing away the hand he held lingering on your skin. "and don't touch me again," the man backed up, his hands held up in front of him. you huffed, continuing to the exit.

you wrapped your arms around yourself as the cool night air hit your bare skin. you'd left your jacket inside, turning to retrieve it, you saw oscar walking right at you. deciding it wasn't worth the effort, you left, you'd rather freeze than have a conversation with him right now.

"i know you hate me," you heard him call from behind you, his pace quickening as he tried to catch up with you. "but you can't walk home by yourself."

you ignored him, hastening your walk so you didn't have to do this with him. you knew he was right, you knew how incautious you were being walking home late at night alone. but you also desperately wanted nothing to do with him right now.

"ma," you shook your head, trying not to lose it on him in the middle of the street. "c'mon—"

"no— you c'mon oscar," you halted your stride, not able to ignore him any longer. you might as well get it out of your system if he was going to keep persisting. "i have had it with men today. i never wanted to have to include you in that."

he ducked his head, a crease forming between his eyebrows you noticed now you'd stopped to look over him. his eyes rolled, letting out a heavy sigh he'd clearly been holding in for a while.

"c'mon," he tilted his gaze away from yours for a second, trying not to cave under your stare. "you know what the santos are like— it's not my job to keep 'em in check."

"it is when it's me they're talking about," you gritted your teeth, looking at him in disbelief. you'd expected that this was how the conversation was going to go down. which is exactly why you tried to avoid it, you simply didn't have the energy to stand here and explain basic human decency to him. "not to mention— it is literally your job. you run the santos."

"it's not that simple," he ran his hand over his face, taking a small step closer to you. his eyes meeting with yours, begging you not to run off again as he held out a cautious hand towards you. "they didn't mean anythin' by what they said— you think if they did i'd let them 'in an inch of you?"

"you're perpetuating a violent cycle of sexism and objectification by letting your friends talk about any girl like that," you felt your throat tighten, tears had, at some point, welled in your eyes. "and that's not even mentioning what you said about me."

he closed his eyes for a second, his hand dropping back to his side. he turned away from you for a moment, releasing a deep breath he'd been holding. "i didn't mean it," he shook his head, swinging round to face you again. his brown eyes, that you'd always been a sucker for, were literally boring into you. if you hadn't been so angry you would've done anything for him. "i wasn't thinking and i never thought you'd ever hear—"

"that makes it ok then?" you frowned, eyes narrowing at him. "god knows what else you've said about me when i haven't been around to hear it," you scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest, trying to keep up your appearance despite the tears threatening to fall.

"s'not what i meant," he threw is arms up in frustration. he had, in all honesty, been talking without thinking about what he was saying. he was tired and stressed about how stretched out his time was at the moment. he was taking on more and more work, and therefore, more and more stress and he wasn't dealing with it well. he clenched his jaw when you sniffled, wiping under your nose with the back of your hand. his eyelids drooped. "nena.."

"i just, don't get it," you let out a shaky breath, holding out your hands to stop him moving any closer to you. "if i was being too much, all you had to do was say."

his chest tightened hearing you talk about yourself like that. he shook his head, trying again to reach out to you but you only stepped further away. "you're not too much," he spoke quieter this time. oscar loved you, more than he'd ever loved a girl before, that much was true. he might be bad at showing it sometimes, maybe he let his frustration get the better of him a lot, and maybe he didn't simply tell you enough how much you meant to him. but he loved you, much more than you were aware of.

"then why would you say it?" your voice was soft, breaking when you spoke again. exhaustion was starting to get the better of the both of you. you didn't want to fight with him, you just couldn't get his words out of your head. why would he say it if he didn't mean it?

"it's not you," he reiterated, his lips pursed. he used his forefinger and thumb to unknit the crease between his brows. "it's everything else. with cesar fucking around, shit with the prophets, cuchillos— and then you," he ducked his head, pressing the palm of his hand into his forehead. "i don't know how to manage everything and make time for you."

"why didn't you just tell me?" your features softened, eyes watching him move under your stare. "it's what i'm here for."

he scrunched up his nose, shrugging. "i don't want you involved in santos business," you understood more than you did five minutes ago, but you were still holding yourself back.

"i'm already involved, oscar, it's too late for that," this caught his attention, his brown eyes focused on yours again. you weakened a little. "but if you would just talk to me instead of keeping everything to yourself, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation right now."

he nodded faintly, almost uncertain of where you were taking this conversation. last thing he wanted was to lose you because of something so stupid on his end. he reached out, you letting him come close enough now so he could take hold of your hands in his. he gave your hand a gentle squeeze, tugging you closer.

"you know, i love you," you mumbled now he was only inches away from you. "i don't wanna do this again so talk to me, please."

he nodded again, giving your hand another squeeze of reassurance. "i'll try," the way his brown eyes stuck to you made you believe he meant what he said. "i'll do better. promise. i'll keep the santos in check, too. you don't need to worry."

you sunk into his chest, letting him engulf you in a tight hug. you released a shaky breath of relief. his arms wrapped around you, your face squashed against his chest and your arms tightened around his torso. "love you, too, by the way," he mumbled, his mouth pressed into your head of hair. "so much."

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dav3katz · 2 years

Note

Since there's not a lot of content for them, could we maybe get your favorite dancestor(s) x reader, if you like? I feel like some nice red hc's would be fun! And if you'd like a specific prompt, maybe a reader who's very nice most of the time. However, they have a certain point where they will turn around and- in any number of ways- tell someone who's being a piece of shit to get lost? Thank you, have a good day!

Sorry for liking the most overrated dancestors the most, my other two favs are Damara and Latula but I didn’t wanna write hc for four characters lol <33

Kankri relationship hcs

- please be patient with him, in case you couldn’t tell he hasn’t been in a relationship before and just.. doesn’t know how to act sometimes.

- this is all very.. new to him. He’s been preaching celibacy for so long, so it’s weird to him to now be dating somebody.

- as a result he’s a bit awkward, in fact he’s not even sure how to talk to you. After a talk about it though you’d both decide to act the same, before you started dating.

- he talks a lot, big surprise! But if you actually listen to him and even talk about the subject with him he’s overjoyed, most people don’t listen to his word vomit

- your relationship is slow pace, for awhile it doesn’t feel like a relationship but it will eventually progress

- to him, being in a relationship is a weakness. That he’s forced to rely on somebody else when he can handle himself just fine. So it’s just.. a lot for him

- he will however grow more comfortable as time passes and if you’re pushy but not too pushy

- there was a time he hated any form of physical contact and now he loves it! Sure, there are times he needs his space but for the most part enjoys cuddling and stuff, even if he’s rather awkward about it

- you pretty much always have to engage in like physical affection cause otherwise he won’t ?

- but typically enjoys holding hands since it’s a simple gesture, and even when he has off days where he doesn’t wanna touch very much, hand holding is fine and brings him some comfort.

- he gets very red in the face about it though, which is partially why he hates physical affection! He doesn’t like getting flustered so don’t comment about it.

- in his long conversations with you, he may feel comfortable enough to give you a compliment

- it’s not like he hasn’t given you compliments before, but it was always on accident and not something he intended. He tends to do it in his long talks with you, especially since he gets nervous.

- even when he was just crushing, you probably knew he was pretty much in love with you before dating lol

- it’s hard to tell due to his lack of pupils but he is always staring at you

- his way of affection it seems

- sometimes, you’ll catch a lovestruck smile, just don’t tell him you caught him.

- when he’s sleepy he’s more cuddly, so he would silently cling to you as he falls to sleep (do ghosts sleep?)

- and it’s the only time you can play with his hair, the only other time is when he’s really relaxed which is… rare… to say the least

- he’s content just walking around in dream bubbles with you, alone. Forever. It’s a nice time after all, especially when you two can just be alone and talk.

- as you can guess, pda is certainly not his jam in the ever so slightest but he will put up with hand holding. Too bad he purposely crosses his arms all the time.. it’s almost like he’s teasing you

- he’s a bit insecure, but he feels weird going to you with his problems. He doesn’t want to be weak and rely on somebody, so it takes awhile for him to accept your help.

- in fact, he might be offended if you’re too insistent on helping. What, do you think he’s too weak to handle his own emotions?

- but he grows more comfortable… eventually!

- but the most he opens up is like just telling you that something has triggered him, but that it isn’t a big deal and he will deal with it himself, then goes into a bit of a ramble about whoever it was that bothered him

- he’s blushy around you a lot, something he truly hates and makes him feel kinda stupid

- has a hard time expressing himself in your relationship, but I do think he can improve you just have to communicate that with him

- like you can’t work things out with him if you don’t communicate well because he can’t communicate properly for shit

- oh but dw! Porrim can always help you with that, or talk to him herself because she will give him a piece of her mind.

- he tries to be sweet to you, which isn’t too hard because he does love you! But that’s his version of sweet and he understands that.. may not be enough for you. You want hugs and kisses! Stuff that.. he will have to work towards and be better with.

- but he makes a conscious effort, he’s doing better everyday! And one day he will be completely comfortable being affectionate all around without having a complex about it.

- but anyways In terms of that prompt! A nice s/o is certainly… nice … to have around. Somebody considerate and caring to everyone around them that deals with any horrible shit is somebody with a lot of patience, something he admits he loses from time to time.

- so when he sees you finally lose your shit, he knows not to fuck around! He will be here for you if you need to relax, but for once he doesn’t get all up in your shit about you being triggered and whatnot because he is a little scared/worried himself.

- probably ends up annoying you anyways cause that’s how he is lol

- just probably because he’s nervous.. and like worried about you but if you don’t snap at him (even though you should) then cool, but he’s gonna keep pushing you about if you’re actually okay since you don’t get bothered like that usually !

- he’s annoying, it’s only cause he cares so much ! In general when he worries about you he’s.. very annoying about it but he will eventually give up because he doesn’t wanna make you feel bad about stuff

- given his whole thing with not accepting help cause he’ll be seen as weak, he understands not wanting to be pestered about something.

- but generally would be defensive of you just because you’re so sweet how could anyone have a problem with you

- and then it’s a long rant nobody wants to hear!!

- he means well at least

Meenah Relationship hcs

- you may also have to be patient with meenah here!

- not that she isn’t absolutely into you and tells you that all the time, it’s just that she’s not the most vulnerable fish in the world so it takes awhile !

- she likes going out, doing things! In case you couldn’t tell, she doesn’t like to just sit around in bubbles! It’s boring as shit, so she likes going out and doing some crazy shit with you whenever you guys get the chance

- so you’ll have to deal with her crazy bass shellnanigans sometimes

- likes doing your hair, if you’ll let her !

- and totally into teasing you and making fun of you sometimes but in a nice matesprit way

- physical affection is cool, but usually more casual! An arm around your waist or shoulder, a kiss on your cheek!

- she likes the idea of making out with you while absolute chaos is going down, that’s so much more exciting than making out on some boring field

- she has a hard time being vulnerable but she has her moments where she can tell you when she’s upset about something she’s just pretty nonchalant about it most of the time

- always free to listen to you though

- likes to have you on her lap, her hands on your waist and chin on your head while you talk about whatever ! Or you two can sit in silence, that’s cool too

- she’s pretty flirty too, just tells you upfront she thinks you’re hot and shit, no embarrassment

- she doesn’t get too cutesy and all that with you, being sappy ? Not her thing

- but she will try for you if it’s what you REELY want

- she cares about you so ! Whatever makes you happy in this relationship, she just expects you to do the same for her

- not the biggest cuddler in the world, you may not wanna either.. she’s very cold… but hey if you wanna! Whatever! But she’s kinda groaning and complaining the whole time.

- though despite her complaints you don’t think she hates it as much as she claims to

- and hey, she isn’t completely incapable of being sweet and sappy it’s just not… too much.. okay

- she just tells you that she cares and you mean a lot and that’s she’s happy to have met ya … or whatever

- and if you get flustered easily it’s over!! She loves flirting and teasing you

- on top of that she’s pretty physically affectionate, but as said before just more casual about it and acts like it’s not really a big deal

- likes doing dumb shit with you, running and rolling around and being cute and shit!

- but again dealing with her adventure bullshit to keep her from being bored out of her mind, nothing against you! Doesn’t matter how exciting you are she’s gonna be bored of doing nothing

- like that final fight with Lord English ? You were probably right by her side despite not wanting to be there

- she can’t help but smile around you, so she’s usually smiling whenever you’re in her vicinity

- she likes doing new things, not the same adventures ! So expect something new and exciting, a new place to go and see! She gets bored of the same shit, and on the off chance there’s something new she takes the opportunity to not deal with the same bullshit.

- so you may find many new ways to have dates, or as new as she can make ‘em! She puts a lot of effort to keep you interested and she hopes you’ll do the same

- but yea she usually cuts right to the chase about things, she’s honest with you and tells you she’s got a date planned, or that she wants to go out and do something exciting

- she knows she’s kinda.. bad .. she’s a lot more violent than a lot of trolls and resorts to violence pretty quickly and she doesn’t wanna subject you to that shit if you can’t handle it

- so if she feels you’re just not the type for violence or just.. that you’d be unsafe with her? She’s rather break up with you and keep you safe and happy and be with somebody better

- she has a hard time expressing herself in terms of insecurity, but that’s not easy for anyone is it?

- pretty much always with you, it’s easy to get lost in these stupid bubbles and she doesn’t wanna lose you

- besides, she can’t stand people, she likes being around you for a reason! That’s not something she can say to just anyone

- she tries to keep conversations goin, not that she minds silence since she doesn’t like when people talk too much but she enjoys keeping a conversation with you

- and you’re the exception to talking too much, she’s all cool with you babbling on and on

- and she doesn’t mind dating somebody so nice, but you will hear some shit from her, because you really should speak your mind more

- like you two couldn’t be more different, you’re so nice and polite and talk to many people and deal with peoples shit all the time while she’s straight up

- and she’d definitely tell anyone to fuck off for being a piece of shit to you, but the fact that you finally said something! Damn..

- she’s just so surprised! You caught her off guard.. that like… never happens..

- but she’s all for it, in fact you should lose your shit more often

#meenah peixes x reader #meenah x reader #kankri vantas x reader #kankri x reader #hs x reader #homestuck x reader #homestuck meenah x reader #homestuck kankri x reader

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randominagines · 3 years

Note

hello, you wonderful and so talented writer! <3

i hope you're doing good!

i was wondering, could i request (if it is possible, no pressure) how would Lexa from the 100 react to anxious, very anxious, depressed, stressed reader?

I understand if you don't wanna write this :)

Thank you very much and have a nice day!

Darling, thank you so much for the compliments and the request!

Pairing: Lexa x neutral reader

Warning: angst, mention of depression, anxiety, stress

Gifs belong to their creators.

LEXA HELPING YOU DEAL WITH YOUR DEPRESSION/STRESS/ANXIETY:

Lexa wpuld be so caring;

First of all, she never pushes you to talk about it;

She knows that you're not exactly feelings at you best, but she makes sure that you feel comfortable talking about this;

When she notices you're ina bad mood, tired, stressed or anxious she is so thoughtful;

She makes sure to always remind you how loved you are;

"Baby, you're looking so beautiful today. I love you so much."

She enjoys every single one of your good moments;

She loves when you smile;

She adores seeing you getting excited for the little things;

She preaches every single detail of your happiness;

As much as she takes care of you when you're feeling bad;

She cuddles with you untill you fall asleep;

She lets you cry as much as you need it, never leaving you alone to do it;

She respects your space at the same time;

"If you need to be alone, just tell me. Never feel forced to do anything, my love."

Lexa tries to involve you in as many activities as possible to help you distract and feel better;

She trains with you a lot;

She asks you for advices as Heda;

She watches your back all the time during fights;

When you have a panick attac or an anxiety attack, she's always there to help you calm down;

"Baby, please, brath. I'm here, I'm here, you're safe."

She never fails to make you feel how much she loves you;

She cares about you so much and hates seeing you in pain;

"Lexa, I just wanted to thank you for always being by my side. I know I can be... challenging."

"Baby, don't ever day that again. I love you, you'll never be a burden. I just want you to be okay."

#the 100 headcanon #the 100 imagine #lexa x y/n #lexa imagine #lexa fic #lexa x reader #lexa x neutral reader #lexa x you #lexa headcanon

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crwndsprkzy · 2 years

Text

How Could You.

Why would you shun a child for wanting to explore who they are? We actively teach children about their ancestry and tell the stories of the world, why can’t we teach them it’s OK to be an individual?

Gender is part of how someone sees themselves, just like their personality or music taste; it makes them happy and comfortable in who they are. How can we be one country when we have people so strongly believing that children who want to be something more than a vessel for their parents’ ideas are mentally deranged? What gives you the right to tell people to conform to your beliefs when they are their own person?

As a transgender teenager, I have experienced years of harassment and abuse from my peers, teachers, and those who I’ve met. Just because someone is different, is that really grounds to bully someone into hating themselves?

I was bullied off my school bus, the only way I could reliably get to school from my home in the middle of nowhere. Nobody in my family could drive me all the way into town, and suddenly they had to because people would hit me, harass me, even make explicit “jokes” about me. I would hurt my ears trying to drown out the barrage of insults thrown at me every day with music. My friends were turned against me, and I was even bullied through social media. Do you really think it’s OK after abusing someone so harshly with words to casually ask “what bathroom do you use by the way?”

I had a confrontation in front of almost the entire school lashing out at kids who had the nerve to call me by the name that is no longer on my birth certificate. I didn’t go back for a week and almost nothing was done about it. How can you leave a child to fend for themselves when faced with such sudden harassment with little reason behind it? This goes along with the countless times I’ve been catcalled, or even inappropriately touched on school grounds by people I’ve never met and never intend to.

I have been called a “faggot” a “tranny” a “fag-hag” and countless others I wont repeat. On school grounds. Often in class. In front of teachers and other students. How can you stay silent when someone is being hurt by people, if you are not enjoying it? How can you claim to preach love and nurturing if you allow abuse to happen within your walls and sight?

It truly shocks me how people can be so unkind to a living being, especially another human. Because in the end, that’s what we all are, humans. It is not in your nature to hate, nor is it to abuse, human nature involves helping and socialising. Free speech does not mean “I can say anything I want,” it means “I can say anything I want as long as it doesn’t seek to harm people.”

Why are the youth screaming in the streets for change if nothing is wrong? We are not “one person” that you need to please, we are a community of people who exist and are being mistreated. We are not trying to steal rights, we are trying to be treated as human beings, both in law and social situations.

How would you feel if your rights were being put up in the air every next week? How would you feel if you couldn’t hold hands with your lover for the fear of being bashed or killed? Why do we let youth, let alone anyone, live in the fear that their rights and lives could be taken away for being themselves?

I run my own LGBTIQA+ club at my school, in fact I founded it the year I got there. The children I see coming in have been harmed, bullied, and rejected by those around them, including their parents. How could any parent reject their children just because they are different than the normal? It hurts me to see countless kids choose me as their father figure over their parents and guardians. I am forever thankful my parents have accepted me, but always sad over the fact so many people like me aren’t as lucky. Even the fact that having loving parents is considered “lucky” within our community should be enough to prove how much words can do.

Look at all the people abused, harmed, and killed for being different and try to tell me that I should change. Try and tell me I am mentally ill. Try and tell me I’m wrong about who I am.

You are not any better than those who kill us. You are not any better than those who propose laws stripping our rights. You are not the hero you think you are for “silencing the wrongs.”

Look me in the eyes and tell me that I am the problem today. That I am the reason people like me get killed. That I am the reason your LGBTIQA+ child hates you. That I am the reason everything has changed.

I am not the reason this change has happened, it’s those like me who came before me.

Why am I, a child, responsible for your feelings of hatred towards anything that is not straight and cisgender?

#tw murder #tw homophobia #tw transphobia #tw queerphobia #tw abuse #lgbt #queer #transgender #bisexual #lgbtq community #activism #tw bullying #gay #lesbian #lgbtqia

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dialovers-translations · 3 years

Text

DIABOLIK LOVERS Do-S Kyuuketsu VERSUS Ⅱ Vol.6 Yuma VS Azusa [TRACK 4]

Original title: 心に巣食らう悪魔

Source: Diabolik Lovers VERSUS II Vol. 6 Yuma VS Azusa [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Tatsuhisa Suzuki & Kishio Daisuke

Translator’s note: This track was something else, wow. I really enjoyed Azusa talking about his inner demons a lot, as well as the fact he seems very much aware of the fact that his usual self is ‘weird’. He definitely has some odd preferences but he can also be such a sweetheart. ;w; Seeing him struggle with the ‘aching feeling’ in his chest, honestly made my heart hurt as well.

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 ll Track 6

→ LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 4: Inner Demons

Azusa locks the door.

Yuma: ...Ah! Azusa! The door’s busted on this side, ya cheater!

Azusa: Fufufu...

Azusa walks up to you as Yuma continues to protest in the background.

Yuma: Open up...Oi!!

*THUD THUD*

Yuma: You littleーー!!

Azusa: Eve...Now it’s just...the two of us...

You move away a little.

Azusa: Why do you back away...? Say...Are you scared of me?

You flinch.

Azusa: No way...right? I mean, you are mine after all. You are just like my...Justin and Christina...

*Cling*

Azusa: Say...Yuma gave you pain, right? So I will...do the same. Then please hurt me as well...

He wraps his arms around you.

*Rustle*

Azusa: Let’s re-confirm that we are most definitely here...Is that too much to ask for?

You shake your head.

Azusa: I see...You don’t want to...

Yuma: Azusa...!! I swear, if you do somethin’ to her...!!

Azusa: I won’t. Don’t worry. I’m not in that kind of mood today, so rest assured.

Yuma: O-Okay...? Then open the damn door.

Azusa: I can’t do that. Right now, I want to be alone with her...You got to do the same earlier as well, no? In that case...

*Rustle*

Azusa: Say, Eve? Is that too much to ask for as well?

You tell him that’s okay.

Azusa: I’m glad...Thank you...

Yuma: Che...!! Then ya better behave, ‘kay?

Yuma walks away from the door.

Azusa: He left...Now it’s finally quiet.

*Rustle*

Azusa: Hm~ Fufu...Fufufu...For some reason, I feel refreshed today. More so than usual...Almost like a clear night sky, without a single cloud in sight...

You note that Yuma mentioned something about feeling off as well.

Azusa: I wonder if Yuma...has this weird feeling as well...Usually I always seem to be under control of something haunting his mind...almost like a marionette...but right now, I don’t feel like I’m being manipulated by an outer force at all. It feels extremely liberating...If the lunar eclipse is to blame for this, then I wish things could stay like this forever...

*Rustle*

Azusa: Hey, Eve? You feel the same way, don’t you?

You hesitate.

Azusa: Why would you hesitate? Do you not care if I’m being manipulated like a marionette?

You try and explain yourself.

Azusa: Ah...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. That’s...But, I would love to be able to feel like this always...

You try and escape his grip.

*Rustle rustle*

Azusa: Don’t be scared...Eve...Let me embrace you.

Azusa tightens his arms around you.

Azusa: Say, Eve? Do you find this peaceful side of me drawn out by the lunar eclipse...weird? Yuma said that something was off with him. I’m sure that in his eyes, the way we usually act is ‘normal’...Ruki even told me to warn him...So why am I...? ...Haah...For some reason, I suddenly feel very sad now.

You try and comfort him.

Azusa: Eve...You are so kind. You’ll comfort me? I’m so happy...But I’m well aware. That my usual self has a few screws loose. However, that little voice inside my head just won’t go away. If anything, it only tries to take me over more. Ugh...Even right now...Haah, haah...I feel tempted by the scent coming from your wounds...Just when I thought that I had finally found some peace...Ah...

*Rustle rustle*

Azusa: I want your blood...I want to hurt you. ーー And be hurt. That’s what the inner voice is preaching. Even though...Deep down...I don’t actually...

He attempts to push you away.

*Cling*

Azusa: Nn...I’m sorry...Eve...But right now...You should take your distance from me...I just... don’t think I’ll be able to hold back.

*Rustle*

Azusa: I can’t hold back the side of me...Which strongly desires to inflict pain on you. This bad force is triggering me from within and...Argh...It’s no use...

*Rustle rustle*

Azusa: I’m sorry...Eve...I can’t stop...If you don’t want this, shake me off. I don’t mind if you punch or kick me away either...I’m begging you...

You shake your head.

Azusa: Eve, are you sure? At this rate...I’ll end up sucking your blood. Since you can’t push me away...does that mean I’m allowed to? I’ll take it that way...”

*Rustle rustle*

Azusa: Understood...In that case, let me suck your blood. I’ll hurt you plenty...making you feel great, so forgive me? Okay?

*Rustle*

Azusa: Just relax...I’ll thrust these fangs you love so much...inside right now...

Azusa bites you.

*Sluuuuuurp*

Azusa: Haah...How is it? I’ve only just started...Rest assured...I’ll give you plenty of more pain...

*Sluuuuuurp*

Azusa: Nn...

*Gulp gulp*

Azusa: Mmh...

*Sluuuuuurp*

Azusa: Hah...This side’s up next...I’ll leave marks down to the very core...

*Rustle*

Azusa: Mmh...Haahn...

*Sluuuuuurp*

*Gulp*

Azusa: Nn...

*Sluuuuuurp*

*Gulp gulp*

*Sluuuuuurp*

*Gulp*

Azusa: Haah...Something really feels off today...It’s different from usual...Even if I suck your blood, or hurt you...I don’t get that sense of relief at the end...

*Rustle*

Azusa: I wonder if I simply haven’t had enough? ...I’m sure that’s the case. Mmh. It has to be. So I should give you more and more pain...and then afterwards, I’ll be the one getting hurt. ...Say, where would you like me to bite next? Tell me? I’ll help you think as well. So...

*Rustle rustle*

Azusa: Mmh...Nn...Oh? These are...Yuma’s bite marks...Oh. ...How odd. In the past, I always felt envious...whenever I saw someone else’s marks on you...

*Rustle*

Azusa: But right now...For some reason...My chest aches...How strange...I’m being overcome by a kind of pain...I’ve never quite experienced before. Say, why...? What does this pain mean...? I don’t dislike being hurt, if anything, I like it. Yet...Why? How come?

He clutches his chest.

Azusa: Say...Right here...It hurts...Almost as if someone repeatedly stabbed a knife right through...

You explain it to Azusa.

Azusa: Jealousy...? Is that what you’d call this? ...It’s my first time feeling this way. I wonder why this feeling welled up...? ...Uu...I can’t...It hurts...I can’t endure this...I have to suck more and more of your blood...That’s how I feel...!

*Rustle*

Azusa: Hey...You think that would be for the best as well, right? ...Don’t you? ...This pain...is the kind of pain I hate. Not what I’m yearning for...Say? Can you soothe my aching heart...?

You shake your head.

Azusa: You can’t...? But you knew what this pain meant, didn’t you?

He bites you again.

*Gulp gulp*

Azusa: Nnh...

*Sluuuuuurp*

*Gulp*

Azusa: Mmh...Nn...Yet...You can’t take it away...Why not? Tell me...!

*Gulp gulp*

*Sluuuuuurp*

*Gulp*

Azusa: Mmh...Hahー! Haah, haah...Lots of blood is flowing out...This is the kind of pain I crave for...All I want...is for the pain to confirm...that I’m right here...and that my existence is valid.

You tell Azusa that jealousy proves the same thing.

Azusa: Eh? This stinging pain in my chest...and the kind that tells me I exist...is the same? ...Is that so? ...I don’t comprehend at all. I want this pain to go away already...Hey, Eve? Please don’t say such cruel things. Help me...

*Rustle rustle*

Azusa: See? Right here. It hurts deep inside my chest. Can you see?

You frown.

Azusa: I know you’re not a doctor but...Right now, you’re the only one I can rely on so...Please? Give me the kind of pain, that’ll overwrite the one inside my chest? Okay? You can do that right? You will, won’t you? Here...With this.

*Cling*

Azusa: Come on...Thrust this knife...Right inside my chest...

You refuse.

Azusa: It’ll be okay...I’m a Vampire. I won’t die. It’s just...I need a strong suffering right now. I want to banish this strong pain going rampant inside of me...Please? I’m begging you...

*Rustle*

Azusa: Don’t worry, I’ll move, okay? ...All you need to do is stand there holding the knife. Isn’t that right?

Azusa stabs himself.

Azusa: ...!! ...I-It cut through...See? It’s bleeding...You gave me a new wound...

You drop the knife.

*CLING*

Azusa: Haah...Uu...Kuh...How wonderful, Eve...However, the pain isn’t quite enough...to chase away the demon which has nestled inside my heart...

*Rustle*

Azusa: Say? Stick out your tongue...Lap up this blood...

Your eyes widen in shock.

Azusa: It’ll be okay...Come on...

*Rustle rustle*

Azusa: Nn...Ah...Just like that...Yeah...Kuh...Uu...Haah...~ ...How does my blood taste? Like always?

You shake your head.

Azusa: You can’t tell? That shouldn’t be the case. Right? Of course not. ...Come on, lick it more.

You continue lapping up the blood.

Azusa: Nn...Ah...Hah...How odd...This should be the same as always...So why does my chest still ache? Every time...I see those marks on your arms...It stings...

*Rustle*

Azusa: Haah...Am I jealous of Yuma? That’s so weird...Tell me, Eve...

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #yuma mukami #azusa mukami #diabolik lovers VERSUS II #diabolik lovers translation #diabolik lovers drama cd #drama cd

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letstrywritingmaybe · 2 years

Text

Hi, I’m Cyn and sometimes I write 🥰 Always posted on ao3, I made the decision to restrict it to registered users only 🫶 I am a self indulgent writer and I write purely for myself (few exceptions are made, but even so I enjoy the fics I write for others). I share my fics on the off chance someone else might like them too, but I really don’t feel the need to defend my choices especially if I don’t know you. If we’ve established a connection, then I’m all for chatting and explaining my thinking. I highly encourage writing your own fic and making it how you want. It’s more rewarding that way, and you get to say you created something! 🩵

While I’m here, I’m very easily set off by the canon ship and my notp so if I see it I will get upset, it’s not that serious, just leave me be. I’ll get over it, cause being rude and leaving mean comments on those posts are not okay, especially when there are people who like those ships and make things for them.

Also I’m a fangirl first and foremost so I thrive off leaving love letters and reblogging things (primarily on my main account), that being said I’m also super picky. I only comment on things I enjoyed, and I don’t like angst/mcd so don’t expect to see my username on those fics. I try to read everything, but it doesn’t always work out.

I guess I have to add the super obvious, there are no bad endings in my fics (unless I specify in the beginning and I will tag it cause I know how it feels since I hate reading that shit myself. I literally write the same story every time) if you’ve read one you’re read them all imo. We just take slightly different routes to get to the same conclusion: my ships are meant to be in every single universe and that’s final! I preach commenting because I think it’s the absolute least we can do when an author has done so much by giving us these amazing fics to read, but I’m not someone who needs/wants praise so please don’t comment if you’re gonna be annoying. Either read it and move on or just exit the fic, it’s really not that difficult.

Okay I give up, I’m just gonna list all my fics and tag them on this post instead. Again this is for my own personal benefit. If anyone cares to read them, they’re all posted on ao3 for registered users.

CoAi/ShinShi {grey otp}

Confession Chronicles

Redamancy Series- Promised Protection • New Year’s Day • The Eyes On You

My Life Turns Your Life Into Folklore Forevermore Series- Folklore Twist • Forever & Evermore • Don’t Blame Me • You Belong With Me? • How Many Minutes To Midnight? (Ongoing) • Guilty As Sin?

Reciprocating Relationship

I Know You

Christmas Fics: Always Choose The Heart • Forget The Fallout, Let’s Be Alone Together • And We Keep Falling • Nothing’s Changed • Angel • Midwinter

Revised Recollection

Be Mine?

A Kiss For The Obvious

First Kiss

Love, Learned

I Can Make Your Heart Race

Such A Tease Series- Play Pretend • Picturesque • DreamOf Me • Devour

Irreversible (a kaishi endgame verse but this part is all shinshi, see Run To Change The Endgame)

There’s Nothing Triangle About It

Fleeting Feelings (technically an all Shiho ship fic)

What Do You Want?

Lo Lo Love Me

CoAi Week Things: Superposition • Versus • Critical

I Hate Accidents, Except When We Went From Friends To This (flufftober 2022)

Kiss Of Life

Public Transportation

Triple Threat

And Another Thing! (Extras/What If scenes from established versus)

Every Dog Has His Day

In(de)finite (yearoftheotp 2023)

Honey I’m A Sucker When You Linger Series- I Only Lie When I Love You • I Wish I Cared Less

Love Me Like You Do

When I Look At You…

Collabs with Vordark, my beloved <3

It’s What You and I Do (completed!)

1+1=2, x2? (Ongoing)

WIPs I desperately need to finish…

Point Of View Series- It’s Not Just Acting (1. Yukiko)

Real Or Not Real Series- False Memories

Love Me, But Don’t Fall For Me (fake dating, CoAi edition)

Catch My Lies (powers verse)

[A Marriage Proposal, Or Two- one is kaishi, two is shinshi]

<KaiShi> {steal my heart ship}

Run To Change The Endgame (ongoing)

All Your Love

Hug Prescription

He’s Funny

It’s Like My Birthday, Except…

A Day Out With The Kids

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Duncney {red otp}

Another Universe (based off Marcy’s Just One Universe)

Shituationship (duncney week 2023 day 7 Aka canon duncney day!)

💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Romanogers {golden otp}

Romanogers Week: What If?

Leave Me, Just Don’t Forget To Kiss Me

Life Never Tasted So Sweet (flufftober 2022)

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

RobStar {orange otp}

His Starfire, Her Robin (yearoftheotp 2023)

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

Danger Days - Chapter seven: "This mess we are in"

Word count: 12,7K

Summary: Matthew is worried after the incident Joey had with a fan. The drummer gets drunk celebrating Frank's birthday. In fact, everybody but Gerard is drunk, and they end up in a strip club. Joey makes a few bad decisions she regrets in the morning.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, bad decisions. Cursing.

A/N: Missing Gubler? don't worry, he'll be very present in the next chapter. Meanwhile, read how these kids keep making a mess they are gonna regret pretty soon.

Also, all of this is fiction and the gif ain't mine. Love you!

Masterlist

- "We are not going out!"- Ray was emphatic and looked like an angry father as he stood in front of Joey, who kept frowning, very upset.

- "But Ray!!"- the drummer whined- "It's gonna be Frank's birthday!! We have to party!!"

- "No!"

Toro was serious. He stood in the middle of Joey's room, arm-crossed on his chest. She was dressed and ready to go, pouting.

- "Joey, there is no way I'm letting you leave the hotel in this country ever again!"

- "The country has nothing to do with what happened!"- there was a knock on the door, and she walked over to answer- "You already posted against the attack, Gerard made a speech, nothing is gonna happen to me!"

- "Hello Bug!!"- Frank walked in with Mikey and Gerard- "I heard you were ready to party!"- Ray sighed and covered his face with both hands.

- "Finally! my people are here!!"- Joey shouted, excited.

- "Yeah!! We brought pizza, beer, and video games. Let's do this!!"- Frank said, and Joey knit her brows immediately.

- "You have to be kidding me!"

- "Nope! It's gonna be my fucking party, and we are doing the fuck I want to do"- Frank said, smiling.

- "Fuck..."- Joey sighed and sat on her bed- "I got all pretty for nothing."

- "Not true. You are gonna look as hot as fuck in all the pictures we are gonna post of this lovely evening"- Iero chuckled at his own words.

- "Don't you fucking dare posting anything!"

Ray started the preach the minute Joey's cell phone rang, and the girl locked herself in the bathroom to have some privacy.

- "Akumu, I miss you"- she whispered and sat in the bathtub and stared at her boyfriend's face on the cell phone screen.

- "How are you? What the fuck happened?"- and he looked honestly worried and upset.

- "What?"

- "What the fuck happened today?? Why didn't you tell me a fan smashed a bottle against your head?!"- the drummer sighed and closed her eyes

- "'Cos I didn't want you to get worried."

- "Well, too bad 'cos I found out on Twitter, and I am fucking worried!"- Joey sighed, staring at him, and pouted- "Don't give me that all innocent look 'cos I am mad! How couldn't you fucking tell me, Joey?! This is serious!"

- "I am ok, Akumu. Nothing bad happened."

- "This is all Frank's fault!!"- Matthew was honestly upset. He kept walking around the set, hitting walls. and making his best not to yell at his girlfriend- "I wanna break that fucker's face!"

- "Please don't say that. He was just trying to help,"- Joey whispered but didn't have another excuse for her friend.

- "Well, he is an asshole..."- Gubler looked at Joey on the screen and sighed- "What if something worse would have happened?"

- "But it didn't"

- "Joey, I mean it, what if something awful happened to you on tour and I am not there with you..."- he paused 'cos a knot in his throat didn't let him say another word.

- "Matthew... I am ok, I am going to be ok. It was just a psycho fan. There are bodyguards around us the whole time. I am not walking around alone. And most important of all, I am not going to hide just 'cos a few teenagers hate me for touring with this band."

- "Joey, please don't be the tough girl I know you are this time. This is serious."

She sighed and stared at Matthew. Sometimes Joey felt he was more sensitive than she was. He wasn't afraid to feel, and she was scared to feel weak.

Joey's cell beeped as she and her boyfriend kept staring at each other in silence, both of them feeling like shit for being apart.

- "What is it?"

- "Mom is calling... I bet she knows too."

- "Call me later?"

- "Ok..."

- "I love you, Yami. I don't want anything bad ever to happen to you."

- "I love you too, Akumu... I'll call you in a few minutes, ok?"

- "Are you ok?"- Gerard asked his brother as he watched him drink a can of beer in less than two minutes.

- "Yeah, why?"

- "'Cos you look sad? Weird? Depressed?"

- "No, I'm ok. Have you talked to Lynz?"

- "Yeah, earlier today"

- "How is she?"

- "Good, she has a lot of work, but that's good 'cos she is busy"- Gerard didn't get why his brother was asking so much about his wife- "Are you sure you..."

- "Yeah, dude! I'm ok! I'm fine"- Mikey looked around and frowned- "Where's Bug?"

- "In the bathroom talking with Gubler"- Frank said as he walked to the door, and James walked in with more booze- "Yeah! Party time! excellent"

Iero was excited. A big part of him wanted to be back home with his wife and kids, but after the shitty day they had had, he felt like he could use a chill party with his friends to ease his mind from the deep guilt he was feeling.

Frank felt like the shit, to be honest. Before and after the show, he locked in his room alone and basically cursed himself for being such an asshole. He stared at the picture he took with Joey for a long time and felt he had been too selfish. He got carried away by the moment and his urges to kiss her, and everything ended up being a fucking disaster. The worst part of the whole mess: he fucking loved the picture. He would frame it if he could.

- "Iceland!"- Iero sort of yelled and hugged Joey as soon as she walked out the bathroom, making her chuckle surprised.

- "Jersey! are you drunk already?"

- "No, I'm just happy to see you! Now let's get drunk!"- the girl smiled and nodded- "Everything ok?"

- "Yeah, I was just talking with Matthew and my mom, and then with Matthew again. They saw the whole deal on the internet and were pretty scared... and Gubler hates you now"- Frank fake smiled at that, praying Joey didn't notice- "I'm just kidding!"- she quickly added and hugged Frank for a second- "He is just worried sick about everything."

- "We are all worried, but nothing bad will happen to you again"- Iero smiled, and Joey nodded, walking away from him.

To be honest, Frank didn't give a shit if Matthew hated him. He wasn't a fan of the actor either at that point. He followed Joey with his eyes across the room until he found Gerard looking at him with a frown. Iero smiled and nodded. Gerard did the same.

It wasn't even midnight yet, and Mikey was drunk. Seriously drunk. He sat next to Joey on the floor and rested his head on her shoulder.

- "Are you ready to sleep?"- she whispered and moved her head on his.

- "Nope."

- "Are you gonna puke?"

- "Not yet."

- "I always forget you are the most functional intoxicated person I have ever met,"- and Mikey chuckled.

- "I love you, Bug,"- the girl smiled and sighed. It made her happy to know she had a friend on him.

- "Thank you, bróðir, I love you too. I'm glad I met you"- she made a pause and turned to him- "But if you puke on me, I'll kill you"- and Mikey burst out laughing.

- "Got it."

- "Joey, you are up!"- Frank said and handed her the joystick- "Dude, come on! You can't be that drunk just yet! I'm still halfway there!"

- "Then you should catch up!"- Mikey answered with barely opened eyes.

- "It's on bitch!"- Frank laughed and walked to grab another beer. Joey chuckled and walked closer to the tv, to bump into her opponent: Gerard.

- "Hey"- she smiled and sat next to him- "What are we playing now?"

- "Mario Kart."

- "Ok, ready to lose?"

- "I don't know, are you?"- Joey turned to him and found his eyes on her, making her heart skip a beat.

- "Eat dirty, Gerard Way"- she answered and pressed start.

Gerard was chuckling nonstop as Joey groaned, frustrated. He was winning, and she hated it. Although, she knew she was having a good time. The rest of the guys were talking and drinking, so no one really paid attention to them.

- "And suck it!!"- he shouted, winning another race.

- "No way, José! You are fucking cheating!"- Joey argued immediately- "I want revenge! I need revenge!!"

- "Fine by me"- the singer smiled and watched how the girl started another race.

- "Hey, Gerard"- she said after a few minutes of playing.

- "Yeah?"

- "This is the first time we do something together in days... actually, this is the first time you talk to me in days... is everything ok?"

- "Yeah, why?"

Gerard pretended to be surprised. He was thankful they had to be looking at the screen, 'cos it kept him from staring at her eyes and melt. Joey was thinking the very same thing.

- "After the day you found me crying, you basically ignored me."

- "I didn't! I've been tired, that's all."

- "Is that it?"

- "Yes, of course. "Liar liar pants on fire."

- "Good,"- Joey made a pause and just spit out- "I thought maybe you were mad or uncomfortable with me after that nap."

- "No! of course not!"

Gerard was blushing and his deepest desire at that moment was to run away from that conversation. He felt like he had to lie about every single thing he had to tell that woman.

- "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

- "You didn't"

- "And if..."- Gerard paused the game and turned to her. He even sighed as his eyes locked in hers.

- "Joey, it's not a problem. I really enjoyed our time together that night, it was very special to me"- and suddenly he realized he wasn't lying, and it was a mistake- "I mean, we didn't start with the right foot and the fact we were able to talk and have a moment together made me very happy 'cos... it meant we were... leaving all that bullshit behind."

Joey nodded and sighed. They kept staring at each other, and Gerard had to literally fight the instinct of leaning over to kiss her. Until it got weird.

- "Can you please unpause the game so I can fucking kick your lousy ass??"- she said, waking from the trance and making her best to look cool after all whole time staring at him.

- "Burn!!"- Mikey yelled and sat next to Joey at the end of the bed.

That party was wild. By two in the morning, everybody was trashed, and Frank was drunk as a skunk. He kept walking around the room, holding a beer, wearing the dragon onesie Joey had gotten him as a birthday present. Why? She didn't have a reason. She just wanted to see if he would wear it. And he loved it.

- "Bug!! My phone!!"- Mikey shouted and looked at the girl, who stood at the other side of the room, laughing with Ray and James.

- "No!"- she replied and frowned as Mikey stumbled over, wasted.

- "I need it!"

- "No, you don't!"

- "I have to call my mom"- he begged with closed eyes in a big pout.

- "No, you can't call you "mom" this drunk"- the girl said with air quotes- "I told you I was gonna stop you."

- "You also said you were gonna get drunk with me."

- "Dude, I am drunk! You are intoxicated. There is a bunch of booze in between, but I'm not sober, and that's the point."

- "Bug, that made no sense"- Ray said, laughing, also pretty drunk.

- "Shit!"- and she giggled.

- "Now, the phone!!"- Mikey demanded, again.

- "No! I'm not gonna give it to you!"- Joey argued and felt Mikey wrapping his arms around her, searching for the phone in her pockets- "Dude! I don't even have it with me!"

- "Where is it?"

- "Why is Mikey not allowed to use his phone?"- Frank asked with glassy drunken eyes.

- "'Cos he is wasted"- Joey simply explained as the youngest Way kept searching around for his phone- "You are not gonna find it bróðir!! gefast upp!! (give up!)."

- "Don't go all drunk and Icelandic at the same time!"- Frank argued and wrapped an arm around Joey's waist, laughing along with her.

- "þú ert sætur! (You are cute!)"- the girl chuckled and kissed Frank's cheek.

Gerard was burning in anger, sipping his diet coke at the other side of the room, staring at the scene, thinking of a way to stop it all. Being jealous of Frank hadn't happened before, and he didn't know how to deal with it 'cos he was his fucking best friend.

- "You are a lovely drunk. Now, what the fuck did you say?"

- "Happy birthday"- she lied and stuck out her tongue- "Mikey!!"- and she turned around and let Frankie go- "You are never gonna find it!"

- "But I wanna call her!!"- he shouted, starting to lose it.

- "Why?"

- "'Cos I love her"- he whispered and felt Joey hugging him.

- "Come on, bróðir. You shouldn't do this... you know what's gonna happen."

Mikey broke into tears, and everybody was lost 'cos none of them knew what had happened.

- "Mikey, are you ok?"- Gerard asked and walked to his brother, honestly worried

- "I'm getting a divorce"- he simply confessed- "And I didn't want you to know."

The whole bunch of friends stayed quiet. Joey hugged Mikey again and felt him sobbing on her shoulder.

- "Dude, I'm so sorry"- Ray walked over and rubbed on his friend's back, as pretty much everybody in the room walked to hug him.

- "And you are not calling her,"- Joey added, and the whole bunch agreed with her- "You and I made an agreement when we were sober, and I am going to respect it."

- "Bug is right, dude"- Ray sat down next to Mikey and wrapped an arm around his shoulder in support- "You are going to regret everything you say to her in the morning."

- "You know what we should do?"- Joey kind of yelled- "We have to go to the Red Light District! Right now! I am gonna buy you a lap dance, my dear brother!!"

The girl's eyes shone as soon as she delivered that line, and no one in the band said a thing until...

- "Fuck yeah!!"- Frank yelled- "It's my birthday, and we are doing this!!"

- "We are not leaving the hotel this drunk"- Ray quickly said, being a bummer.

- "Can you stop being a dad just for tonight?"- Joey asked and pinched his cheeks- "Please! I can buy you a lap dance too."

- "Can you give me a lapdance, Bug?"- Frank asked, and Gerard clenched his fist.

Way had been in silence the whole time, surprised by his brother's news and not getting what was going on with that drunk bunch of people.

- "I'm just asking 'cos you are offering a lot, and I could help you save some money"- Joey hit Frank's arm and didn't even answer. Instead, she looked at Ray again and pouted.

- "Please, dad! Let me get a stripper to my friend"- and Toro chuckled.

- "Fine, let's do this, just 'cos I don't wanna be a bummer."

- "But I don't want a stripper"- Mikey argued- "I just wanna call my wife and tell her I love her!"

- "Mikey, you are getting tits on your face. You are not calling that bitch! Come on!"- Joey grabbed his hand and forced him to stand up- "I know I got this hot for a reason tonight!"

James was the first one to avoid the plan and returned to his room. The same about their tour manager, though he gently got them a van to take them from and to the bar and tickets to get into the best strip club in the Red Light District.

Gerard was only coming along 'cos he was worried about his brother and Joey. And about the fact Frankie sat next to her in the van, wrapping an arm around her waist, again. She smiled and rested her head on his shoulder for a part of the trip, and Gerard couldn't do anything to stop it. He only knew he felt he had to rescue Joey from his friend. And make his best not to punch him in the process.

Gerard hadn't felt this jealous in years. Years. He didn't even remember if he had ever felt like that about his wife. Probably he had... but he couldn't recall it, 'cos this blind jealousy had taken over all his brain.

Joey was on fire that night. She was pretty drunk and mostly very worried about Mikey. He was her buddy and best friend in the band, and she wanted him to feel a little bit better. He had always been the nicest with her, aside from Ray. She wondered suddenly what nice thing she could do for Ray, but it was Mikey's moment that day.

They walked into the BonTon Stripclub Club Amsterdam, Joey singing Careless Whisper followed by the band. They were all pretty shy about going to a strip club. None of them would have ever thought about doing such a thing... well, not in a long while at least.

- "Come on, kids!"- she chuckled and thrust Mikey in.- "Let's get more booze and a lap dance for my buddy!"

- "Was she always this..."- but Gerard couldn't finish the sentence.

- "Fun? Drunk? Hot? Yeah, she has always been that"- Frank said, wasted, and followed the girl inside, grabbing her by the waist and walking to the bar.

But that time, Gerard didn't just stare. He quickly moved along and grabbed Joey's hand. Ray frowned and nodded. He totally got what was going on right away, and he knew how childish any dispute between Iero and Way could be. They were both like kids when they wanted the same thing, in this case, Joey's attention.

- "Hey... are you ok?"- Toro asked Mikey as he stood still, looking around in shock.

- "How did we end up here?"

- "Joey is gonna buy you a lap dance."

- "Right..."

- "Come on, buddy."

The band sat at the private VIP area, 'cos Ray (being the dad in every situation, even when drunk) thought it was better to catch the least attention as possible. Joey argued no one was going to pay attention to them in a strip club but gave up arguing when she got a champagne bottle in her hands and got to pick a girl for Mikey.

- "It's my birthday!"- Frank said and smiled in the sexiest way he could, considering how drunk he was.

- "Do you want a girl on your lap, too?"- Joey asked and grabbed another ten euros from her pocket- "Let me get a hot one!"

Frank chuckled, he didn't want one, but it was fun looking at the girl all hyperventilated.

- "Fuck! What if she makes out with a stripper? Shit! she totally should make out with a stripper! I wanna see her doing that!"- and now Frank couldn't get the idea from his head.

- "Ok, can we settle on being here for an hour and then going back to the hotel?"- Gerard tried to convince the bunch, but no one listened. Joey arrived with another girl, placed the money on her bra, and sat with the guys to enjoy the dance.

- "Mikey, Natasha was just telling me she thinks you are hot,"- Joey lied, 'cos the girl's name wasn't even Natasha, and she didn't speak English, but no one cared actually.

- "Really?"- "Natasha" kept dancing on Mikey's leg as he looked at her hypnotized. Joey chuckled, thinking at least for a while her friend wasn't going to think about the shitty wife who dumped him. She knew a stripper wasn't the solution to his problems, but it wasn't going to hurt under the circumstances.

Ray looked at Gerard and chuckled. For being the one who wanted to go home an hour ago, he seemed to be having a good time. Way sipped his diet coke and laughed as Joey and Mikey danced for them to a Loveage song. The girl kept putting bills on the edge of Mikey's pants as Frank spanked him.

- "Best birthday ever!"- he shouted- "Can we do this every year?"

- "You don't get to celebrate your birthday in Amsterdam every year, Jersey!"- Joey laughed and sat next to him to catch her breath- "Fuck, I'm tired"- she closed her eyes for a second, and the room started spinning- "Oh fuck! I'm wasted."

- "We should go back, then"- Gerard quickly said, staring at her with a worried gaze. It was apparent she had drunk way too much, and he still felt the urge to carry her in his arms and put her in a safe place, probably in his bed, to take care of her on his own.

- "Not until Mikey gets one last dance!"- Joey rang a bell, and Ray closed his eyes.

Honestly, Ray never thought Joey could be like that when she got drunk. Then again, you never really know anybody until you are locked with them on tour for weeks, not having many more people to talk with.

A stripper walked into the room, and Joey pointed at Mikey. But the woman walked to her instead and held her hand. Frank clapped like a maniac as Joey and the stripper started dancing together. Gerard wanted to stop the whole thing, and at the same time, he felt like staring at the show, hiding the boner in his pants. It was a hot scene. It was way too hot. He had material to jerk off for an entire month.

The stripper ran her hands over Joey's body as the girl chuckled nervously but actually enjoying her time. She knew it was harmless, and she was with her buddies... and Gerard. She was drunk, and for some weird reason, she wanted him to want her. She wanted him to think she was sexy.

- "I'm not gonna do anything about it, but if I fancy him, it's only fair that he fancies me as well"- she thought, drunk. And so, she slowly moved even closer to the stripper and smiled, staring into her eyes. The woman smiled back and slowly ran her tongue on her lips, landed her hands on Joey's waist, moving her closer to her and kissing her.

- "Holy shit!!"- Frank Iero yelled, jumping on his chair. Mikey widened his eyes, not believing what he was seeing, as Joey and the stripper kissed once more, with more passion, a little dirtier than the first, before giggling and splitting. Frank clapped. It was the only thing he could do with his hands in public at the moment. Ray did his best not to make eye contact with Joey, who blushed and sat down, looking at Gerard. She was a little embarrassed, a little aroused, and mostly wondering if Gerard Way wanted her at the moment. The answer was yes, but she had no idea how badly.

The stripper finished, and the whole gang stayed in silence. Joey chuckled again as Frank burst out laughing.

- "I thought the onesie was the perfect present, but that show was priceless. You, my friend, are the fucking best"- and Joey giggled.

- "Guys are so simple, a girl just gotta kiss a girl to get some attention"- she mumbled and yawned.

- "Bug, are you ok?"- Mikey asked and sat next to her- "Bug?"

- "I think she is falling asleep"- Gerard said and moved his brother away from her- "Let's take her back to the hotel."

- "Ok, I'm gonna pay"- Ray stood up, but Joey raised her arm and chuckled.

- "Dad, it's all covered."

- "What Bug?"- he leaned closer and moved the hair carefully from her face.

- "I owed you"- she smiled, and Ray sighed- "I told you I was gonna get you something with my first paycheck... I got you hoes!! Best drummer ever, right?"- the whole band nodded and smiled.

- "Best drummer ever, Iceland"- Frank stood up with her and kissed her temple- "Now let's get you to bed."

Gerard grabbed her jacket and made sure there was nothing else left when they left the room. They all walked to the door, doing their very best to look sober... of course, except for Gerard, who was, as always, the only one sober.

Raymond Toro carried Joey in his arms, bridal style, when they got off the van. Gerard was helping his brother Mikey walking, along with Frank, who was doing his best to look sober than he was.

- "Best fucking birthday ever!"- he chuckled in the elevator- "Thank you, guys."

- "We love you, Frankie"- Mikey whispered and tapped on his back- "Remember that when I throw up on you in a couple of minutes."

- "No one is going to throw up in the elevator. Come on, let's get Joey in bed,"- Ray argued immediately.

- "I'll puke in her bathroom"- Mikey nodded in agreement with his own words.

Gerard checked on her things until he found the key to her room, and everybody walked in. Mikey rushed into the bathroom and locked himself in there. Ray walked to the bed and carefully dropped Joey on it. Gerard took off her shoes and hesitated for a second if he should take anything else off. But he didn't.

- "Dude, we really trashed her room,"- Ray said and looked around. Frank was drinking a can of beer that was left on a table- "Really?"

- "I'm not even so..."- Frank didn't finish talking and gagged. He had to rush to the bathroom and fight for a place to puke.

- "This got wild"- Ray chuckled and started cleaning. He was wasted, but he still acted like the responsible one. Gerard didn't answer. He sat next to Joey and looked at her in silence.

- "Dude, stop that"- Ray argued right away.

- "What? I'm not doing anything"- Gerard tried to act cool, but it was too late.

- "I'm drunk, but I got it, you have a cr..."

- "Shh!"- Gee commanded his friend to stay quiet, and Toro chuckled.

- "So it's true."

- "I don't! I'm just worried about what happened today with the fan and how bad I acted when we met her... I just feel like I owe her being extra nice."

- "Sure, dude"- Ray laid on a couch and yawned- "Just remember I met you a million years ago, and you can't fool me that easily."

- "I am not fooling you, just... stop talking or even thinking about this."

- "Fine."

Ray yawned again and closed his eyes for a second. Gerard turned to Joey again to make sure she was asleep, suddenly he panicked, thinking she might have heard that conversation. But she didn't.

- "Ok, I feel better"- Mikey said, stumbling over the bed and lying next to Joey.

- "What the fuck are you doing?"- Gerard nearly yelled.

- "I'm crashing with Bug here 'cos I don't wanna sleep alone"- he kicked off his shoes and closed his eyes.

- "Dude, you can't sleep with her!"- Gerard wanted to do that, but he couldn't, so he wasn't going to let anyone sleep with her either.

- "Shut up, you are not mom"- Mikey argued, cuddled with Joey, and fell asleep a second later. Gerard was furious, staring at the scene. His little brother was spooning Joey, and he couldn't do anything about it.

- "Ray, help me take Mikey back to his room"- he said and turned to his friend: he was snoring on the couch- "You have to be fucking kidding me, Ray! Come one! Let's take Mikey to his room"- Gerard shook Toro's arm.

- "He's already asleep there. Let him rest"- he mumbled and took off his shoes.

- "Really? Are you doing this too?"- Ray didn't even answer- "Fucking shit!!"

Gerard was about to yell and force everybody out when he heard Frank retching in the bathroom. Way walked over and opened the door. Iero has kneeled next to the toilet, flushing.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah! Best birthday ever"- Frank smiled and repeated- "We hadn't had this fun in a long time, everything has been so serious lately... it felt good to just... be stupid for a while"- Gerard knew Frank wasn't just talking about the band- "And that chick, man! She knows how to party"- Way smiled and nodded.

- "Come on, let's get you to your room"- Frank nodded, and both of them walked out of the bathroom.

- "And where's everybody?"

- "Crashing here apparently"- Frank looked at Ray on the couch and at Mikey on the bed.

- "Oh, man! I wanted to crash here!"

- "Well, you are not!"

- "Why not?"- Frank whined, almost pouting.

- "There is no room to crash here!"

- "There is room right there!"- Frank laughed and walked to Joey's bed, but Gerard grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

- "You are not getting there!"

- "Oh, come on! Mikey is there!"

- "Can you shut the fuck up?!"- Joey grunted, her eyes still closed- "If there's room somewhere in this bed, get in there, stay quiet and make sure Mikey won't puke on me."

She moved to a side and hugged her pillow.

Neither Gerard of Frank said a thing. They just kicked off their shoes and crawled into bed. That was the fucking moment the two of them had been waiting for. In a way, at least.

Mikey cursed as soon as he woke up. He felt someone had hit him in the head with a stone. He opened his eyes and stayed still in shock: Joey was sleeping next to him. And so he panicked immediately.

- "What the fuck did I do?! No! no! No! I didn't fuck my best friend! Please! Somebody tell me I didn't fuck my best friend!"

He looked down and noticed he was fully dressed and that his brother was sleeping next to him. He was drunk, but he would never fuck his own brother. So for a second or two, Mikey felt better.

That until he remembered why he had gotten so drunk and his chest ached. He was getting a divorce. His wife had confessed she had been cheating for months now. She said she didn't love him anymore. He felt like he wanted to die. Not in an emotional way, but physically and painfully.

Tears fell from his eyes, but he didn't want to cry in the middle of the room surrounded by his friends. So Mikey slowly stood up and looked for his shoes.

- "Thank you, Bug"- he whispered and looked at the girl snoring before leaving the room quietly.

Gerard opened his eyes and contained his breathing for a second. Joey was sleeping next to him. It took him a minute or two to gather all the pieces of the night before. He stared at her making his best not to move. His heart was racing. He knew none of what he felt was right. He loved his wife very much. He had to stay away from Joey. But at the same time, damn it! He wanted to kiss her.

- "I don't wanna think about this anymore. Just five more days and this leg of the tour will be over, and I won't see her for a month..."- he slowly moved his hand closer to her but didn't dare to touch her. She could wake up, and he would be busted.

Joey started waking up slowly but refused to open her eyes. Her head hurt, and her mouth was dry. Hangover hit her as soon as she stopped dreaming. What happened the night before? It was Frank's birthday, they got wasted in her room... Mikey was in terrible shape... she forced them to go to a strip...

- "Fuck!"- she wide opened her eyes and sat on the bed as soon as she remembered she had taken her friends to a strip club, paid for lap dances to pretty much everybody, and even made out with one of the strippers.

But it didn't get better when she opened her eyes, 'cos first thing she noticed was Gerard and Frank with her on the bed, jumping with her yell, waking up pretty scared.

- "Oh shit! What the fuck are you doing here?"- she wide opened her eyes in shock

- "What? Oh... hey, Bug"- Frank opened his eyes and smiled- "We crashed your room 'cos we were too drunk to move."

Iero simply answered and laid back, to keep on sleeping. Joey looked at him and Ray on the couch, waving and literally falling asleep again a second later.

- "Are you ok?"- Gerard whispered and made her chill immediately. Gerard Way was sleeping with her on her bed. What the fuck?

- "My head is killing me"- the girl laid back and turned to him- "Fjandinn! (Damn!)"- she covered her face with both hands and wished to be sucked by the earth as soon as the memories kept hitting her- "Did I..."

- "Yeah, you kissed a stripper..."- Gerard whispered and smiled. Joey's cheeks were burning as she kept her eyes closed and covered herself with a blanket

- "Fuck, I'm so sorry, I never get so drunk and stupid and... I just..."

- "Nah, it's ok"- he whispered, making sure neither Ray nor Frank would wake up- "I mean, it was a fun night..."- he added, in a hopeless attempt to make the girl feel a little better.

- "Yeah, it was... but shit, I feel I made a fool out of myself"

- "Don't worry... you didn't"- Gerard made a pause and stared at her in deep silence for a moment- "It was... very... "it was so fucking hot! the way kissed that girl, I got a hard-on for so long, I almost locked myself in the bathroom of the bar to jerk off like a manic" very nice of you to try to cheer Mikey up."

- "He was so sad... he has been so fucking sad for so long..."

- "So you knew the whole thing?"- Joey stayed still and looked into the hazel eyes next to her. She could lie... but what for? Mikey had told everybody everything already.

- "Yeah... we've... he trusted me with his problems, and I've been trying to cheer him up ever since"- she made a pause and watched how Gerard's face was calmed and sweet. It was hard to concentrate if he was there staring at her- "Ég elska augun þín (I love your eyes)."

- "What?"- Gerard whispered, confused.

- "I... "Stupid!! It's a good thing you are rambling in Icelandic and not in English!" nothing, I'm just cursing 'cos my head is killing me."

- "Do you want to sleep some more?"- she nodded and took a look at her wristwatch.

- "It's too early to be awake"- he nodded and looked at her smile, scared to ask what he was about to.

- "Do you want me to go?"- he murmured and fought the instinct of moving closer to her.

- "No..."- she whispered immediately, not even thinking- "You can stay."

They looked at each other for a few seconds felt like minutes, though. Until Joey moved slowly on the bed and grabbed a blanket

- "Are you cold?"- Gerard asked and moved the blanket closer to her

- "Thank you"- he covered her with it and automatically wrapped his arms around her protectively, snuggling with her.

- "Goodnight, Gerard."

- "Goodnight, Joey."

When Frank woke up, he had to take a minute to remember where he was and what had happened the night before. He heard Ray's snores from somewhere in the room with him and rolled in the bed to see Joey and Gerard sleeping next to him.

- "What the fuck happened?"

Iero nearly grunted, staring at the scene. He remembered Mikey drunk puking, Joey kissing a girl, and... that was it. But none of that actually mattered that much, considering how pissed he was staring at Joey in Gerard's arms. She looked cozy and calmed, and... she could look even better in his arms. Why was she in Gerard's anyway?

Frank stared at her for a few seconds and then started coughing. Fake cough, noisy cough. Stridently enough to wake everybody up in a minute.

- "Are you dying?"- Joey asked, opening her eyes and staring at him, honestly concerned

- "I hope so, 'cos I feel like dying"- she smiled at him still in Gerard's arms. He was the big spoon in the hug, so Joey never saw his face when he woke up with her in his arms. Only Frank noticed that glance in his eyes. But refused to think his friend had a crush on the girl he was crushed on. They were both married men. They couldn't even think of being crush on her. It was just some silly thing, nothing to worry about.

- "Happy birthday, Jersey"- she whispered and smiled at her friend.

- "Thank you Iceland, I had a lot of fun last night."

- "It's still your birthday"- the girl added- "We can still do fun shit."

- "Stop trying to make fun shit"- Ray argued and walked from the couch to the bed, laying at it, next to Joey and Frank- "You are too young, and we are all old men who need to rest and eat soup."

The girl chuckled at his words and raised her hand, reaching Ray's wavy hair.

- "Move closer, old man, let me pet you"- she argued, and Ray chuckled.

- "We are not old men"- Gerard whispered and refused to take his arms from around Joey's waist, even though Ray and Frank could see him, and everybody knew it was weird.

- "You are the only one who's not hungover, man"- Frank smiled, watching how Joey was now braiding Ray's hair- "And yet last night you were the one who kept repeating we had to go back to the hotel."

- "'Cos you were all too drunk, especially you"- he said and shook Joey's arm sweetly.

- "Sorry, Gerard. I won't get that drunk and irresponsible again."

- "So you won't kiss strippers anymore?"- Frank asked, and Ray burst out laughing. Joey quickly grabbed a pillow and covered her head with it, forcing Gerard to remove his arms from around her.

- "I am never drinking again!"- the girl sentenced and stood up a few minutes later- "Now if you gentlemen excuse me, I am going to take a long shower. Then, I hunt this whole hotel for coffee... dad, when do we leave?"

- "After lunch, my dear, promiscuous, and slightly lesbian daughter"- Ray joked, and Joey grunted, walking to the bathroom and locking the door behind her back.

- "Get out of my room!!"- she yelled before starting the shower. Frank and Gerard sighed as Ray pulled them out of bed.

- "Come on! You heard her! Let's go!"

Joey took the longest shower. Well, Gerard's was longer 'cos he was jerking off. Just as Frank... not in the same shower. But it's not the point. Joey stood under the hot water for a good fifteen minutes 'cos she actually felt bad. She had flirted with Frank and with Gerard. She didn't know if they had noticed it, but she had, in fact, been a flirt with the two of them while being seriously drunk.

Besides, she slept with Mikey, Gerard, and Frank on the same bed. That wasn't better either. They were her friends, but they just met a few weeks before. She couldn't just act like that! They were all married. And besides, they were technically her employers.

Everything about the night before was wrong except for the part where they cheered Mikey up. Mikey worried Joey the most, and he and Ray were the only ones she wanted to talk to that day.

After her shower, Joey got into her sports outfit and hit the gym. She wasn't into it for beauty, but because she had to keep and work on her upper body strength for drumming. Besides, working out kept her mind from rambling into random thoughts, like Gerard's arms around her body. Damn, that felt good, which made it something very, very bad.

Gerard knocked on Mikey's room and waited, looking down at his shoes until his little brother showed up. Neither of them said a thing. Mikey walked back to his bed, and Gerard closed the door behind his back.

- "If you are coming here with the whole "Why didn't you tell me?" speech, I'm not in the mood for giving you stupid explanations."

- "I just wanted to bring you coffee"- Gee whispered and handed Mikey a cup.

- "Thanks."

- "How's the hangover?"

- "It's lovely, I am dying"- Mikey chuckled and closed his eyes for a moment. The tv was on, though neither of them paid any attention to it. Gerard sat next to his brother on the bed, and they stared at the screen for a while.

- "Frank is dying too."

- "The little rat was on fire last night... shit, how's Bug?"- Mikey asked, honestly concerned- "I'm gonna text her, her head gotta hurt like shit, hangover and hit with a bottle..."

- "She was fine. She kicked us out of the room and got into the shower."

- "Did she remember the whole stripper thing?"- Mikey snorted at his own words as she texted Joey.

- "Yeah, she was pretty embarrassed."

- "Dude, your boner was epic!"- Gerard looked at his brother and frowned, disgusted and busted.

- "What the fuck, man?!"

- "You looked so fucking funny trying to be the cool one"- Mikey was now laughing. Making fun of his brother was always something that made him feel better- "And hiding your woody with a jacket, adorable!"

- "Fucker!"- Gerard smacked his brother's head, but Mikey kept laughing.

- "You were at a strip club with two girls making out. You weren't the only one!"

- "Stop!!"

- "It's awkward to think about it because we were all hard at the same time, which is pretty much like watching porn together, and that's disturbing!"

- "Stop it!"

- "Never!! I'm the annoying little brother you had a hard-on with last night!!"- Mikey was laughing, and Gerard was disgusted- "Shit! That didn't come out quite right."

- "You think??!"

Gerard smacked him again, and they stayed quiet for another while. Mikey sighed and looked at the tv for another while. It was some random local show he couldn't even understand. But it was better than thinking.

- "Thanks for the coffee"- he whispered, and Gerard nodded

- "Any time you want..."- the silence continued for a while until Mikey turned to his brother and tried to explain.

- "I didn't want to tell you 'cos I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't even want to think about it, 'cos it made it real, and I kept trying to pretend it was all in my head"- he made a pause and rearranged the words in his head- "I told Bug 'cos I didn't know her, she was there, I was drunk... I trusted her, and she was understanding with the whole "we are not analyzing this shit" deal. We just talked about random shit the whole time, and whenever I felt bad, I'd told her, and she would come up with something to do to ease my mind."

- "She is a good friend"

- "The best..."

- "I'm sorry I was jealous you were spending too much time with her"- Gerard was honest. However, he meant he didn't know his brother needed to hang out with her so badly, and he was just jealous Mikey had her attention the whole time.

- "Anyway... I still don't wanna talk about it."

- "That's cool."

- "So, let's pretend none of that happens or even exists."

- "Deal"- Gerard wrapped an arm around Mikey and rested his head on his shoulder- "Wanna go get something to eat?"

- "Not really"

- "Too bad I'm forcing you 'cos I don't wanna eat alone."

- "Fuck you."

- "I'm your annoying older brother. Deal with it."

Frank wiped off the tears as he stared at his daughters on the screen of his phone. They were so beautiful, sleeping in their little cribs. Jamia smiled and whispered happy birthday for the hundredth time to her husband.

- "I miss you so fucking much"- he said and sighed.

- "Just a few more days and you'll be changing diapers"- she answered with a big smile- "I'm happy you had a big celebration last night."

- "Yeah, it turned into a "let's cheer Mikey up" kind of thing pretty quickly, though."

- "I can't believe she cheated."

- "Me neither... I wanna kill her. He doesn't deserve this."

- "At least he has you there."

- "Yeah, Joey was so drunk she dragged us into a strip club and bought Mikey so many lap dances"- Jamia stayed still thinking what she had just heard- "Sorry, I mean, nothing happened."

- "Frank, calm down. I just never imagined she would be like that."

- "Neither did we... but she... Mikey had only told her about it, and I guess she was desperate to get him happy somehow."

- "That's nice"- and Jamia meant it- "What happened with her head?"

- "She is pretty hungover."

- "I mean, with the hit she got from that fan, Frank."

- "Sorry"- he smiled and watched his wife's face- "She is ok, she was very calmed, Ray was a dad."

- "Shocking!"

- "Yeah"- Frank chuckled- "Her boyfriend hates me, though."

- "Frank, what you did was so fucking stupid, and I feel you still don't get it! I should hate you for making that hot guy mad at you! Now we are never gonna be his friends... and I wanted to spend the holidays with him in California, where it's hot, and he can walk around without a shirt!"

- "Jamia Iero!!"- and she chuckled.

- "Sorry, I got carried away."

- "Yeah, you did."

- "Happy birthday, Frank."

- "Thank you."

- "You are the only hot guy I wanna see without a shirt"- he blushed and smiled.

- "'Cos I've got amazing tattoos?"

- "Yeah, that too."

Ray and Joey were having lunch together in the hotel. The two of them were eating, sunglasses on, and drinking coffee with their food. That's how bad it was.

- "Please stop me next time you see me with a drink."

- "Ditto"- he quickly answered ad smiled- "You seemed to be having a lot of fun, though."

- "I was."

- "I never imagined you were that wild when drunk"- and Joey laughed a little. Her head didn't let her make or listen to loud noises.

- "Well, I'm not wild... I just... sometimes..."- she made a pause and blushed. The truth was simple: he never really partied that much. She didn't have a lot of friends to party like that. Tucker was the only one, actually. And they never saw each other.

- "Is everything ok?"

- "Yeah, just don't tell Matthew about the stripper"- and Ray nodded, laughing.

- "Deal... the whole strip club thing or just the kiss?"

- "The whole deal, especially the kiss, I don't know if he is going to like that."

- "Why not? It was hot"- Joey raised an eyebrow and stared at her friend- "Sorry, it was..."

- "I mean, Matthew has this thing where he keeps trying to treat me like a little porcelain doll or a fragile princess. And that's so not me. If he knows what I did, I just feel that he will think less of me or something."

Ray looked at Joey and noticed how honest and vulnerable she was. For the first time since they met, Ray saw her winding down her shield.

- "Come on, Bug. It's not like you killed someone."

- "I know..."

- "You should tell him because it's a good party story, and he is gonna think it's awesome. Besides, Gubler looks like a nice guy who loves you very much,"- she nodded in silence and sipped her coffee.

- "He is the sweetest guy I've ever been with."

- "See?"

- "I just don't wanna disappoint him"- Toro landed a hand on her, and she smiled- "This is when you say, "If he hurts you, I'm gonna kill him" or something dad like"- he chuckled and nodded

- "You know that's how I feel"- he smiled and stayed in silence for a second- "And you are grounded for being such a party animal"- he added in a very paternal tone of voice.

- "But dad!! All the guys were drinking!"

- "I don't care what the other kids did! You are grounded, and tonight we are staying at the hotel watching horror movies"- she smiled and nodded.

- "Best plan ever, dad."

The ride to Paris was very quiet. Everybody was still tired from the night before, so they all basically just slept the whole trip. Now Joey was avoiding Gerard and also Frank. She decided to keep a safe and professional distance from the two of them. Joey still felt awkward about everything that had happened the night before.

- "I'll see you guys tomorrow"- the drummer smiled as they got the keys to their rooms. Gerard smiled and waved. She cut him the tiniest smile on earth and turned to the rest of the guys.

- "It's still my birthday Iceland, we should eat something and maybe go out and see the city, what do you say?"- he shook her arm with a huge grin- "Where is the party girl from last night?"

- "She stayed in Amsterdam, sorry"- she answered- "Go and have fun, I just need to do nothing for a night"- Joey grabbed her bags and walked to the elevator.

- "Everything ok with her?"- Gerard asked, watching her walk away. He felt her distance, and it bothered him. After waking up with her in his arms, he just wanted to keep her close.

- "Yeah, she is ok"- Ray nodded and grabbed his bag- "Wanna get room service and watch a movie? Halloween special?"- the whole gang stayed in silence- "Fine, I'll be eating and watching some Halloween classics alone."

Joey lied about not wanting to do anything or about being tired. She just didn't want to be with Gerard or Frank. Mostly Gerard. So she locked in her room and talked with Matthew for a long while instead.

- "I can't believe I'm not spending Halloween with you."

Joey pouted as she looked at Matthew, sitting on his couch, wearing the dorky Halloween sweater she had gotten for him, eating candies. She was wearing the dorky Halloween sweater he had gotten for her, eating candies as well.

- "Yami, when we are together, every night is Halloween"- he whispered and smiled.

- "That's the cutest thing ever!"- she blushed, and he giggled- "What are you doing tonight?"

- "The guys are gonna come to watch some terror classics with me."

- "I was going to do the same with Ray"- she smiled, and so did he.

- "So, did Mikey overcome his hungover?"

- "Yeah, he is a champ, we watched a few movies on the bus on our way over, and I'm guessing he is in his room right now."

- "And the rest of the guys?"

- "I think they were all pretty sick today... we kind of went real wild last night."

- "How wild?"- Gubler raised an eyebrow and looked at Joey. The girl sighed and bit his lips.

- "I might have gotten drunk."

- "And?"- Matthew wasn't enjoying the course of the conversation.

- "And I... decided to... cheer Mikey up."

- "How?"

- "I took him and the guys to a strip club and paid lap danced for everybody."

Joey just spit it. She had to say it. She wasn't going to be able to keep it from her boyfriend that much longer anyway.

- "If he is going to be mad at that... then maybe he is not as cool as I thought,"- she said to herself as she stared at his face, as a grin appeared on his lips.

- "What?! a strip club?! I can't believe it"- and Matthew Gray Gubler burst out laughing- "You are so amazing!!"

- "Do you really think so?"- Matthew was still laughing, and Joey was in shock.

- "Yes, Yami! That's pretty cool"- the sigh sighed, relieved, and kept her eyes on Gubler.

- "I also kissed a stripper... a little bit."

- "Wow!"- Matthew almost choke on the candy corn he was eating.

- "She kissed me actually, I didn't do anything or asked for anything.... she kissed me, and I laughed and... that's it..."- Joey closed her eyes and stayed very still.

- "You had a wild night without me, young girl!"- Matthew stared at the screen, trying his best to stay serious- "Is there any chance someone had footage of that moment?"

- "No"- Joey pouted and opened an eye to see how Matthew was taking her confession. He was still smiling- "You are not mad at me?"

- "'Cos you kissed a stripper? No, Joey. It's a bit upsetting I missed it, but I am not mad at you,"- she smiled and blushed.

- "I can kiss a stripper when I come home so you can watch"- Matthew laughed and grabbed his phone, kissing the screen.

- "I just want your kisses, Joey."

- "I'm a good kisser"- the girl joked, chuckling.

- "Yes, you are. That stripper is a fortunate woman"- there was a pause in the call. Matthew had to get something out of his system- "Can you please promise me you will not put yourself at risk again, please?"

- "With my wild party lifestyle? I swear I am not drinking again after last night!"- Joey chuckled, but Matthew Gray was serious.

- "I mean, with the fan and your head."

- "Akumu, you know I can take care of myself."

- "Yes, I do... but..."- and this was something that frustrated him the most- "I want to be there to protect you if you are in danger."

- "I am not in danger."

- "You are away, and I love you. If anything happens to you, I would never forgive myself for being so far."

- "Matthew Gray, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. And if something bad happens to me, it would never be your fault, 'cos your work is not taking care of me like a little princess. Your job as my boyfriend is to love me and support me the way I love you and support you."

That frustrated Matthew, 'cos he loved her and he wanted to protect her. He knew life had been hard on her. He knew why she could be so rational and independent. He just wished she could ever let him take care of her the way he wanted to.

- "Promise you'll come home safe"- he whispered, and she nodded

- "That I can do, 'cos I have too many kisses to give you, Akumu."

Ray walked to his room and laid in bed, talked with his wife, and ordered dinner. He was still pretty tired from the night before.

- "Dad? Movies?"- he read the text and smiled

- "Thought you were tired"

- "You promised"

- "Come over."

- "Everything ok, Bug?"- he asked when the two of them sat on his bed and picked a classic movie for the night: Halloween, the 1978 original.

- "Yeah, why?"

- "I don't know. You look off."

- "I'm hungover dude, this is the best you are getting tonight"- he nodded and grabbed a bunch of the candies Joey had brought. She was loaded with sugar for the night. Tons of Halloween candies, her only way to be close to Matthew that night. That, and the sweater.

The two of them laid down and watched the movie in silence. Ray wrapped an arm around her, and Joey rested her head on his shoulder. Neither of them overanalyzed it. It just felt nice and friendly.

- "Dude, there is something I've been longing to ask you for a long while"- she said, not moving her eyes from the screen.

- "Shoot"

- "How do you keep your hair so good?"- Ray chuckled and messed with her hair- "No! Don't destroy the best I could do with my hair today!"- she giggled and grabbed her phone after feeling the hum of a text- "Mikey wants to hang out, can he come?"

- "Are you asking me for permission to bring a friend over?"- Ray asked and closed his eyes- "Shit, I am your dad."

- "Yes, embrace it"- Joey grinned and cuddled back with him- "And thank you for that, I don't let guys take care of me"

Her conversation earlier with Matthew was still spinning around her head. She let her boyfriend take care of her, but maybe Gubler couldn't see it... she had softened a lot being with him in the last six months. Perhaps it wasn't evident for everybody, but it was for her.

- "Wait! Are you sure you are indeed letting me taking care of you?"- Toro's eyes widened, surprised at that confession.

- "Yeah! Since I signed that contract"- Joey made a pause and made her best to explain- "I kept thinking about what we talked about earlier... you give the protector friend I never had vibe 'cos..." - Ray held her hand and rubbed it with his.

- "'Cos?"

- "'Cos I'm not really good with friends, I usually push people away."

- "You haven't done that with me."

- "I know. That's weird... you give a long-lost best friend feeling like Mikey gives me the older brother sensation."

- "You feel like a little sister- she smiled and stood up to answer the door- "But I don't think you push people away."

- "I do... that's what I've been told at least."

Mikey smiled at the other side of the door and raised his arm, showing a paper bag.

- "I've got candies."

- "Awesome! Come in."

- "You are not pushing me away, Bug!"- Ray finished the conversation and smiled- "Hey dude."

- "What are you talking about?"

- "Joey says she pushes people away"- Toro sum up as Joey laid back next to him, and they cuddled again.

- "You are doomed. You are not pushing me anywhere"- Mikey added, kicked off his shoes and laid next to her, holding her hand- "You are fucking stuck with a Mikey Way now."

Joey chuckled and sighed

- "Guess I'll have to learn how to deal with that."

Gerard was staring at the ceiling, mortified. He had talked with his wife already, he was definitely not hungry, and he just wanted to knock on Joey's door and ask her if everything was ok. She hasn't talked to him since that morning, and it honestly felt she was ignoring him. That wasn't normal. No one ignored him.

- "You are not going!"- he said to himself in his head as soon as he stood up from the bed- "No! No way!"- he grabbed the key to his room and put on his shoes- "Fucking stop!! Aren't you listening to me?!"- his brain kept yelling, but his body was still moving.

- "Hello! This is Gerard Way from room 1305, can you tell me which is Maria Sveinbjörndottir's room, please? Yes, she is part of my crew."

He waited in line for a second, and to his happiness, Joey had a room on his floor, just two doors down. It was heaven to Gerard. He took a deep breath and walked over. He planned to ask if there was something wrong, smile, and go back to his room. That was it. That was everything. He just wanted to make sure everything was ok. Nothing else.

He knocked and waited. Nothing. Again. He waited a little longer, 'cos maybe Joey was asleep. Or in the shower... or something. But nothing. Slightly worried and mostly scared she could be with Frank, Gerard texted Mikey, just in case he was with her, 'cos he knew they were closer.

- "At Ray's, 1002"- Mikey texted back and stared at the screen again.

- "Why is there always a sex scene in every horror movie ever?"- Joey asked and kept chewing fun-sized snickers, or like Mikey kept calling them: Frank-sized.

- "I guess it's the guide of who's dying next"- Ray answered and grabbed some candies, too- "If you think about it, half of the fun in horror movies is figuring out who will die."

- "You are right..."

- "And it also helps to set the mood when you are watching a horror movie with a date"- the girl turned to Mikey, and he smiled guiltily- "If she is scared and she hugs you, you win proximity, but when a couple is banging on the screen, you win the chance to start rubbing her and getting the idea of having sex into her head."

- "You are disgusting"- Joey quickly argued and heard a knock on the door- "Please tell me that's a pizza. I would kill for a pizza right now."

- "Damn it, Bug!"- Ray argued as Mikey stood up to get the door- "Now I want pizza too!"

- "Hey dude"- Gerard stared at his brother and took a peek inside the room- "What are you doing?"

- "Watching movies"- the youngest Way walked around and headed back to the bed. Gerard closed the door and followed him, only to feel his heart aching. Joey was cuddled with Ray. His arm was around her. Her head was on his shoulder. Gerard wanted to hit him.

- "Hey... I didn't know you were busy"- Way whispered and stared at the scene. Joey looked at him, and her eyes just lock into his. Gerard didn't stop looking at her either. He felt betrayed. Or worst, he felt maybe their time together wasn't really that special, 'cos she would cuddle with everybody in the band, 'cos they were her friends and she wasn't making a big deal out of it like he was.

- "We are watching horror movies, wanna join us?"- Ray asked and smiled. He immediately noticed what was going on in Gerard's head and realized he would have to talk with his friend. He felt he was too crushed on Joey for his own good.

- "No... I just wanted to..."- Gerard wouldn't stop staring at Joey in Ray's arms. It just hurt too much.

- "Come on"- she whispered and moved from Toro's side- "There is room for one more. Besides, Ray is failing in his poor attempt to make me feel secure."

- "Dude!!"- Ray argued and softly elbowed her.

- "Auch!! You hurt me!!"- Joey exaggerated and rolled in the bed. Gerard smiled, though he was still feeling pretty jealous.

- "I'm gonna get that pizza"- Ray picked up the phone and dialed. Joey tapped on the bed and invited Gerard.

- "We've got Halloween candies"- she said, smiling. The drummer wanted to keep a distance from him, but watching him was making it too hard. He sat next to her and looked at the bag.

- "We ate most of the Snickers, but there are still some m&m's and Life Savers"- she whispered and felt Mikey's arm coming from behind her trying to reach the candies.

- "Bug ate all the good ones"- he argued.

- "Bróðir þegiðu!! (brother, shut up!)"- the girl quickly answered and slapped Mikey's hand coming out of the bag.

- "How many of these have you ate?"- Gerard asked and frowned- "You seemed to be a little sugar-rushed."

- "Maybe... could be... but it's Halloween, Gerard, it's the day I am allowed to do this, you can't judge me, you can only join me."

Joey raised an eyebrow making her best to look sexy. She shouldn't have, but she meant it as a joke. Not really. She just wanted to lie to herself. Just like the night before in the strip club, she wanted him to want her. Gerard grabbed an m&m and opened it. Joey turned to the screen and laid back in the bed to watch the movie. The oldest Way did the same and sat next to Mikey, 'cos it was wiser to stay away from the girl he wanted to make out with.

- "Where's Frank?"- Joey asked after a while

- "Out with James and Worm"- Mikey answered- "Now shut up and let me watch the movie."

- "Sorry"- the girl chuckled and opened another Snicker's bar. She wanted to be away from Gerard. But his body was a magnet too intense to resist.

After Halloween, they watched Bran Stocker's Dracula. Ate pizza and had a relaxed evening. It was all good until Joey decided it was time to go to bed. She yawned and stood up. She had managed to stay between Ray and Mikey the whole time, successfully avoiding being close to Gerard. She was actually proud of herself.

- "Ok kids, I'm going to bed"- she announced and grabbed her shoes, standing up- "It's not time to make a change, just relax, take it easy"- she sang, and Mikey threw her a pillow

- "I hate that song."

- "Me too! But shit is right there everything time I say goodbye. I don't know why my brain makes that fucking connection every fucking single time"

- "I'm going to bed too"- Gerard said, and Ray raised an eyebrow- "It's late, and we have a busy day tomorrow, full of interviews."

- "Yeah, we have to meet at the lobby tomorrow at nine, ready to leave"- Ray announced- "We start with a radio show at ten-thirty."

- "Oh fuck!"- Mikey whined immediately, and Joey grinned.

- "And while you do that, I'll hit the gym and relax"- she said and stuck out her tongue to her friend.

- "Shut up! No one likes a showoff."

- "No one likes a bad loser"- she added and jumped.

- "Ok, Bug, you really need to calm down. You had too much sugar"- Ray laughed, staring at her.

- "Fuck, you are right, I'm not gonna sleep in a long while... maybe I can make a marathon of scary movies... The Exorcist was in the pay-per-view, I'll watch it all alone and fucking traumatize myself" - the girl jumped on her spot and chuckled.

- "Ok, come on, let's go"- Mikey grabbed her arm and started walking to the door- "Bye, Ray."

- "Bye kids"

- "Thanks for taking care of me, dad!"- Joey smiled at him and waved.

- "Anytime you want, kiddo."

Gerard, Mikey, and Joey walked into the elevator. The girl pressed the 13th button and Mikey the 12th.

- "Which one?"- he asked, looking at his older brother.

- "I'm in the 13th too"- he answered with a short smile and avoided looking at Joey, which was pretty good for her, 'cos her cheeks were burning red.

- "Fuck! Fuck! Just say goodnight and lock yourself in your room, just say goodnight, and that's it!"- the elevator's door opened, and the girl smiled at Mikey.

- "Good night, bróðir"

- "Good night, Bug. I'll text you tomorrow"- Gerard smiled at his brother and tapped on his back- "Good night, dude."

- "See you in the morning"- he walked to the hallway with Joey and heard the door closing behind them.

- "I'm going this way"- the girl whispered and hoped Gerard was going the other way

- "Me too"- they walked in silence for a few seconds, it felt awkward, and the two of them knew it- "Joey, listen, I wanted to talk to you about something"- he just said it.

- "This is my room"- she announced, hoping to manage to get away from him.

- "Do you mind if I come in for a second?"- his words surprised him. He didn't think when he asked that. Joey didn't really have a reason to say no. She didn't want to say no. And so she nodded and opened the door.

- "Come in."

Her body shook at the realization they were alone in her room. Completely alone, just the two of them. That had only happened once before, and this time, somehow, it felt dangerous.

- "What is it?"- Joey asked and walked around the room, taking off her shoes and making her best to avoid eye contact.

- "I just... had the feeling you were mad at me over something."

- "Why would you feel that?"- she asked, pretending to be surprised. She wasn't mad at him. She was mad at herself for being such a flirt.

- "'Cos you avoided me the whole day"- he simply answered.

- "That's not true. I've been hungover most of the day, sleeping on the bus."

That was a lie. She watched tv with Mikey the whole trip, though they slept most of the time.

- "It felt like you were mad at me"- he said and kept looking at her, knowing she was avoiding his eyes.

- "You got it all wrong"- she simply answered and smiled, opening her bag and looking for a pajama- "Why would I be mad at you?"

- "I don't know..."- Gerard stayed quiet and walked around the room- "I know we didn't start with the right foot, and sometimes I feel like I'm still walking on eggshells when it comes to you"- he simply confessed. Joey raised his eyes to meet him.

- "Sometimes I feel the same about you. Until we talked about it, I actually felt you were avoiding me after we fell asleep together."

Joey made a pause and regretted landing her eyes on his. There it was, the magnet pushing her closer to him. He stood in front of her, feeling the same.

- "Maybe we are overthinking everything"- he whispered, and Joey nodded

- "Maybe we are."

- "So... friends?"- he reached out his hands to her and bit his lips- "You don't wanna be her friend, you really want to fuck her brains off, and you know it, don't you, Gerard Way?"

- "Friends"- Joey shook his hands and smiled- "I don't know why I've got the feeling this shit will never work out well."

They kept shaking their hands in silence for a while, longer than it should have been. They just stared and smiled at each other, lost in thoughts.

- "So..."- Joey finally whispered- "How are the crowds here in France?"- she asked the most random question ever, just to talk about something.

- "They are wild. It's fun playing here."

- "Great"

- "Never been to France?"

- "Never been to Europe, except Iceland"- Gee smiled and kept looking at her, still standing right in front of each other. He was fighting the urge to touch her. But it was too dangerous. The attraction he felt for her might actually cause him not to be able to stop once he began.

- "Maybe we can push the schedule to show you around, at least the Eiffel Tower"- the girl smiled and nodded.

- "That would be awesome"- and silence again, staring at each other was probably the only thing they couldn't stop doing when together.

- "And... are you gonna watch The Exorcist?"

- "Yeah, I'm not sleepy. Ray was right, I am in a sugar rush... and the worst part is, I still have some candy left, and I'm considering the idea of finishing them today"- Gerard smiled and watched how Joey took another bag of candies from her backpack.

- "Girl! Where did you get so many sweets?!"

- "Gub and I made matching candy bags for Halloween,"- she answered with a big smile- "And Mikey got me some more. I might have an addiction problem."

- "I bet you do"- Gerard stared at her with a smile and asked without thinking of his words- "Would you like some company to watch the movie?"- the girl wide opened her eyes and took a deep breath- "Don't feel pushed or something like that"- Gerard quickly added when he noticed her reaction- "I just... I'm not sleepy, and the idea of eating more candies was pretty tempting"- she giggled nervously and nodded.

- "Sure, let's watch the movie together, but you better be braver than Ray. He kept jumping with every scene.2

Gerard smiled and agreed. The two of them knew it was a bad, terribly dangerous idea. But still, it was what the two of them wanted.

They sat on the bed staring at the screen in silence for a good twenty minutes. They ate candies, they watched the movie, they were behaving great. But Gerard knew it was all bullshit. He needed to move closer and wrap his arms around her. It was totally harmless, though. Just a hug, not kissing, no nothing. Just holding her close, like the other day at the bus, or just like the night before. That had felt too good. He needed more of that.

- "I'm gonna get under the covers"- the girl announced and shivered- "I'm fucking freezing."

- "Sure"- Gerard stood up and moved the blankets, watching her getting under them.

- "Are you cold?"- she asked, and he nodded- "You can come too"- and so he did.

- "I could come, that's a fact"- he mentally slapped himself for thinking that.

- "What the fuck is your problem?! You got him in your bed! Underneath the fucking blankets! Do you have any kind of idea of the signals you are sending him?"- Joey was freaking out as she felt Gerard's warm body next to her- "I just hope he doesn't think I wanna make out with him or whatever... I mean, no, why should he anyway? I can do this with Mikey or with Ray, and I would never worry they could come with that idea... well, that's 'cos they are my friends, and I don't wanna fuck them the way I wanna fuck Gerard. Oh shit, Joey, you are fucking sick. Did you know that?"

Joey covered her face and jumped when a possessed Linda Blair kept stabbing her vagina with a crucifix. Gerard chuckled and felt how she instinctively moved to him and looked for protection. She did it so normally; she didn't even think about it. That part of the movie had always made her jump.

- "Come on"- Gee wrapped an arm around her and fondled her arm sweetly- "It's just a movie."

- "I know, but that's too upsetting to be true"- she covered her eyes again and hid her face on Gerard's neck.

- "It's ok, sugar"- he whispered and landed a small soft peck on her head.

His heart stopped for a second. He called Joey a pet name and kissed her. He hadn't. He shouldn't. He needed to undo it. Joey stayed still and made what anyone under those circumstances would do: she ignored the kiss and the pet name, sat down, and kept watching the movie.

- "I hate pet names, I hate cute nicknames, and yet, that one was heart-melting. Gerard Way fucking called me sugar..."- Joey sighed and made her best to focus on the exorcism taking place on the screen. It was very hard, though, considering all she could think of was Gerard's arm around her.

The movie ended, and neither of them moved. Joey was hoping Gerard was asleep, so he would stay with her the whole night and cuddle. Gerard felt the same. Exactly the same. The girl slowly moved from his chest and looked at him. His perfect nose, his thin lips. It was too tempting to have him there.

He blinked a few times and cut her a short smile. She rubbed her eyes and sighed.

- "Thank you for watching the movie with me Gerard, it was worse than I remembered"- he kept the smile on his lips as he rubbed his hand against his arm, still hugging her.

- "I'm glad I could help."

- "Best friend ever"- she whispered to remind herself she had to keep that distance.

Gerard fake grinned and stared at her. She was so close, he could simply just lean in a little and kiss her. It was so simple. She was right there. She stayed still, her eyes locked in his. She was never going to be his friend, and she knew it. That was an impossible friendship, no matter how much she'd try.

- "I have to sleep"- she whispered, but neither of them moved.

- "Me too"- they just stared at each other in silence. Neither wanted to move, but both knew it had to happen.

- "Thank you for hanging out with me"- Joey added, and Gerard nodded

- "My pleasure"- and pleasure was in Gerard's mind the whole time.

The girl slowly sat down and yawned. Gerard looked at her and smiled, then put on his shoes and stood up.

- "See you tomorrow, Joey."

- "Bye, Gerard."

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kob131 · 3 years

Text

Morgan Le Fay (Alter Ego) My Room Lines

Morgause

“Master~ Can we stay here please? A moment’s rest may bring you far after all!”

“Ah, you really like to work don’t you? No no, I’m not accusing you of anything. I know your drive after all...”

“No matter what, it doesn’t seem I’ll get use to fighting. I wonder if either of those two would-ah. nevermind!”

Bond 1 “...Oh, sorry Master! I was spacing out there for a moment. I’m...not really use to being...heh, nevermind me!”

Bond 2 “Your magecraft seems a little shaky lately. Are you sure you’re feeling well? You eating well? Maybe a nice plate of meat and potatoes will make you feel better? ...Wh-what do you mean that’s too heavy?!”

Bond 3 “How strange. I’m still here. Usually I can’t remember where I’ve been or how I got where I am because...because...

...Well anyway, I can’t say it’s bad after all. I’d certainly be worried if one moment I was here with you and the next you left my sight. That-that can get rather scary...”

Bond 4 “... ... ... I can still feel them inside me, you know? ‘The Lady of The Lake’ and ‘The Fairy Witch’. My...other selves.

... Why? Why? WHY? Why do they have to exist? Why are they inside me? It’s not fair! I lost so much to them! So much of my life- Take, STOLEN from me by them! And even worst, they took my home away! I’m Morgause Pendragon, the daughter of Uther Pendragon! I am human! Not a fae! Not a witch! I. Am. HUMAN, ME!

So why can’t they just leave me alone?!”

Bond 5 “... I won’t be here for long. Even if this body were to see the end of your journey, I-I might not be the one in it. I was the first to fade away after all. It’s simply my fate...to be used and discarded by everything I love.

...Even so, I won’t run. As weak as I maybe in comparison to them...I won’t surrender a second of my time with you. With anyone. I’m here now. I am me.”

To Gawain “My son...my darling son. P-please don’t turn away! Please. I-I lost so much time with you. I can’t-I have to. Please, come embrace your mother. Before I’m gone.”

To Gareth “Gareth...my little pup. Look at you, you’ve grown up so much. I bet you had the lords at your beck and call. ... I wish I could have been there for you.”

To Agravain “Oh Agravain. It hurts to see you look at me so. And yet, it’s all my fault. If only I were stronger, if only I could overcome them. My little knight...I’m sorry.”

To Arturia “Arthur-no, Arturia isn’t it? To think I felt so bitter about what our father wanted...when there was so much to lose to that envy. I...I shall take my leave.”

To Mordred “Master, that knight over there?? That...wouldn’t happen to be Sir Mordred correct? ... Yes I assumed so, given her glares at me. Le Fay’s child with my own brother...There’s nothing I can do to help her, is there?”

To Morgan (Lostbelt) “You there, the witch. You have quite the nerve to show your face here. You, who abandoned her humanity for the sake of a kingdom. Your kingdom was a shame and deserved it’s fate. Glare at me all you wish, without the three of us you would be nothing.”

Likes “What do I like? Well, I always liked cooking. It was always such a treat to see my children’s faces light up when I cooked with all my heart!”

Dislikes “...Lake fae and evil witches.”

Holy Grail “Even if it is a heresy, I would like to wish upon it. Then maybe, I can finally be free.”

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Vivian

“Master, come. We have much to do still. ...I know you must be tired, I understand your weariness. But still, we must persist.”

“There’s no need to worry about me. An adventure like this-it is a simple matter. Compared to guiding those troublesome fae...”

“Quiet, quiet, quiet. ...Sorry Master, I was...having some difficulties with...the others. Le Fay especially...”

Bond 1 “So, you have stayed by my side? How strange, most humans simply leave the lakeside after so long.”

Bond 2 “Your heart is weary. There is no point in lying. I know that feeling well myself. Perhaps I have been pushing you too hard. Come, rest. All need reprieve after all.”

Bond 3 “It seems my time has not come yet. Good. I cannot-I will not fade like before. I refuse to let things end like before.”

Bond 4 “It is so tiring. To have their thoughts, their minds inside me. Always, always a reminder. That I am more than the fae ‘Vivian’. The human princess and the raging witch-

...No. No. NO! I am here now! I will be the one to fight! I will be the one to guard the Human Order! I will be the one protect the Age of Man that Father wished for! Not the human Morgause! Not the witch Le Fay!

I am Me, Vivian, The Lady of the Lake!”

Bond 5 “Even though I am the fae Vivian, an existence incompatible with mankind. It was always the humans I loved most of all. The fae, so fickle and cruel. I guided and guarded them out of duty alone.

Why you may ask? Because it was mankind that my father Uther loved. He protected them to his last breath. And so shall I. Even if I may never see the Age of Man, I will protect and guide it. Especially you, my Master. I shall ensure your safety to death and beyond.”

To Lancelot (Berserker) “Master! Th-that figure cloaked in black! I-it can’t be! My son! This is what became of you? ... Who did this?”

To Lancelot (Saber) “I knew it. Of course my son would be here. There was no chance he wouldn’t answer the call to protect mankind. He grew into a splendid knight after all.”

To Mash “This feeling... You there, young lady with the shield. Come forward, let me take a good look. ...It really is, isn’t it? Don’t be scared young lady. I shall never hurt you. Now, come with me. I have much to discuss with you.”

To Fae Servants “*Sigh* It seems there are some troublemakers in this place isn’t there? Worry not Master, I know how to keep them on a tight leash.”

To Morgan (Lostbelt) “Ruler of the fae, huh? How pathetic. To have resorted to such evil. I do not care what your excuses are. I lead and guarded the fae myself. I sacrificed my place in the world. I expect no less of you.”

To Arturia (Archer) “How cute, thinking that little spruit is alike to my magic. Here, let me show you what a true Excalibur Vivian can accomplish.”

Likes “Besides mankind? ...I do enjoy watching the forest creatures prance about. The little bugs especially.”

Dislike “Lazy princesses and malevolent witches. That is all I’ll say.”

Holy Grail “It is a false wish granting device isn’t it? Still, if supplied with enough mana, it might just be enough to grant my wish To gain my freedom.”

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Morgan Le Fay

“Careful now, Master. One wrong step and things will certainly go wrong. I know how much fun it is to lose yourself in the throes of battle. Hehehe...But your goal must come first.”

“That fire...that determination. Very well, I’ll join you in the fray. After all, I haven’t nearly indulged enough myself.”

“Your magecraft is rather lackluster isn’t it? Hm, whatever you call your ‘talents’, that doesn’t matter. Practice, practice, practice. Experience breeds excellence. I didn’t match Merlin with pure talent after all.”

Bond 1 “I must say, staying this way at will without being subject to the fickle whims fate...it’s rather nice. Thanks Master.”

Bond 2 “Fate is cruel. I know your pain better than most. Forced into the impossible by the will of others. But don’t let your heart waver. Through will and guile, you will gain your freedom.”

Bond 3 “Don’t hesitate to give me tasks. I find myself with more time than i know what to do with. Preferably with you around...”

Bond 4 “I’m sure you’ve heard about this before but...My other selves are still here. Deep inside, I can still here them. Their woes, their uncertainty, their hatred. All mine...

...Bwahaha! What a joke! As if I would let them trend upon me. It was my loathing that struck fear into Camelot. It was my malice that twisted the Green Knight. It was my love for Britian that allowed me to stomach sharing a bed with that liar. I am no feeble princess or passive fae. I am me, Morgan, the witch that loved Britian!”

Bond 5 “So here we stand still. I’m sure you caught on but I hate the Age of Man. Tearing away all the work I put out, fading everything I’ve done into legend. Acting as though I was never here. For it’s sins, I will always spur it.

So why am I here? Because I would rather have an Age of Man with Britian than not. Be it the destruction of history or man, I will not stand for it. I will rage and hate and burn until all is done. So long as we stand on the same ground, I will be here. I can’t trust the other two to get the job done after all.”

To Mordred “Hm, that defect of a homonculus is here? Master, you are best off sending it away. It’s incapable of following orders or performing tasks sufficiently. I would love to fix it but that’s beyond my reach.”

To Arturia (Alter) “Tch, that liar dares to attach my name to something so weak. She preaches that the strong rule over the weak, shall I teach her who is truly strong then? Gwahaha!”

To Merlin “Ah, Teacher is here too. How unusual, that fickle asshole couldn’t be asked to cut a blade of grass, let alone save humanity. He’s not even really here is he?”

To Fairy Knight Tristan “Master, this annoying brat won’t leave me alone. Acting all familiar and friendly with me... Maybe I’ll teach her what it means to truly be sadistic. Perhaps by rending her limbs asunder...”

To Arturia “So the King of Liars has come as well. Maybe a trip into Hell will teach her the place where she belongs...but that will have to wait, won’t it? She still has her uses after all...”

To Oberon-Vortigern “That mana. Another embodiment of Britian is here?! It feels like that failure Vortigern...yet...it’s so different. I must dissect him, to know!”

To Morgan (Lostbelt) “Ah yes, that other me. Heh, what a fool she turned out to be, no? She rages against man, fae and knights, wasting all her efforts in the process. Focus, my dear. Focus is the key to victory. I did not waste my time with man or fae, I put my all into the slaying of Arturia. And which of us succeeded, hm?”

Likes “A rough night with a man below me, of course.”

Dislikes “My other selves. Unlike them, I will not hide the truth.”

Holy Grail “Hm, I have no need for such a thing. Unlike them, I will not cling to a false hope. It will be my hand that cuts them out like the parasites they are.”

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Bond 10 CE: I Am...?

One minute *I’m* home with my children One minute ^I’m^ guarding those troublesome fae One minute -I’m- cackling as I tear into his flesh

The next I’m not.

It is my duty to *lead*/^guard^/-destroy- my kin No, That is *my*/^my^/-my- duty. No, it’s *mine*/^mine^/-mine-!

...Is it?

No, I am a *princess*/^guardian^/-witch-! That is not what *I*/^I^/-I- am! Stop it! This is who *I*/^I^/-I- am!

I am *me*/^me^/-me-! I am *Me*/^Me^/-Me-! I AM *ME*/^ME^/-ME-!

I am... I...am... I...

....Who am I?

#fate series #fate grand order

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mcu-fan-fics-blog · 3 years

Text

The Helping Hand

Summary: Y/N Krast Illegitimate Daughter of Tony Stark. Product of an unwanted teen pregnancy. What would Howard Stark be capable of doing to assure his sons future? What will happen when Tony meets our Beautiful, young, genius, rich philanthropist.

Word Count: 3800 approx

A/n: Big steps today... Hope you enjoy. Also wanted to thank you all we've reached 39 followers. It is very much appreciated thank you for reading. Might post again this this week if not then next week.

Tw: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Drug use, Drug addiction, Teen Pregnancy. (If there are any I missed please tell me.)

Ch.9

Chapter 10: Civil War pt.2

Ch.11

"Why am I really here mom?" You ask still with your eyes closed. "Why don't you tell me… I know you don't want to go back." She says calmly. You can only sigh. "It's all going to hell, the team. I love them all, but they are tearing each other apart." She chuckles. You open your eyes and just look at her. "Well then why are you here with me instead of stopping them from tearing each other apart?" She teases. You change the subject. She lets you though. "My… dad? Did you love him?" You are not sure if you wanted the answer, but you asked anyway.. "Did I love him… tough question monkey." She contemplates for a while. "He was childish, and not in a cute way, at least not looking back… I used to love that about him." She looks back at you, her eyes connecting with yours. "He changed though… when we found out I was pregnant. We were scared and young… but he cared. More than I'd ever seen him care for anything else."

You can't help but tear up at her memories. Then the anger builds in yourself. "Then why didn't he fight for me?" Your sentence dwindles into a whisper. "Who told you he didn't… or that he hasn't?" Her words shut you up right away. She laughs at your confusion. "I'm assuming you're not telling me who he is?" She nods in agreement "It's not my place to tell you." Then again you ask another question. "Did he love me?" She looks down to you and smiles. "Oh… from the moment he first held you. You made the most peculiar sounds… and your tiny hands would grip our fingers" She sighs. "I wish I had more time with you then. I tried really hard… to stay awake." She clears her throat. "But I couldn't fight anymore… But you have to." You sit up looking at her. "I don't want to leave you alone." She shakes her head. "I'm never alone…" now it's your turn to shake your head. "Living your life vicariously through mine does not count." She laughs.

"I met Dave and Vivian" she mentions solemnly. You almost choke on your own breath at their mention. "They're here?" She nods enthusiastically. "They'll hear about this… one day you'll talk to them again." You groan. "Tell Dave… tell him that I'm sorry. Viv tell her that I'm taking care of all her sisters… all 5 of them." You chuckle. "Just tell them that I miss them…" She nods holding your hand. "God… you were supposed to make it easier to leave, not harder."

Tony sits at your bedside. "Why aren't you waking up?" He sighs. They've tried virtually everything and time was running out. "You can't leave me… you can't just waltz back into my life and die on me." He pleads with anyone who would listen. "You need to know that I'm your dad… you need to know that I'm your dad." He speaks into your hand. Your eyes wide open now. Having heard everything you instinctively pull your hand away. Soon you realize you can't breathe comfortably. It was an all around traumatic experience, tears soon started falling. Tony's initial shock prevents him from vocalizing your state. It isn't until Wanda walks in that she calls for a doctor. Tony stands in a corner watching you struggle with the doctors.

Soon the tubes are no longer preventing you from vocalizing your thoughts; you take advantage rather quickly. "Leave" is all you can say with your voice hoarse and devoid of any emotion. The only thing giving you away were the tears. "Y/n you need to hear me out…" you interrupt him. "I don't need to do anything… LEAVE." You grit out wincing in pain as the words leave your throat. Soon your vitals begin to increase at any alarming rate. Doctor's burst in again, ushering Tony out and sedating you. As soon as he walks out he is met by everyone's expectant gaze. "What happened?" Steve is the first one to speak up. "She found out… more like I told her right as she was waking up." Tony rubs his temples.

When you wake up someone is in the room you can tell. It's almost like you can feel them, without even opening your eyes you call out her name. "Nat?" You hear her walk towards you. You clear your throat. "He's- he's…" is all that comes out and she nods but doesn't say anything. That's when it all clicks. She wasn't looking at you… she was quiet, you only needed to look at her posture and you knew. You laugh. "You knew… didn't you?" Her eyes widened in surprise giving her away, except that it wasn't just her. "Oh… god you're all liars. You all played me. Im so stupid." Your laugh continues; it was cynical with tears rolling down your cheeks. "You're all hypocrites… You sit on your pedestal and preach trust and honesty…" You don't finish the sentiment. Sitting up and pulling at all the wires attached to your body. She reaches out for your hands but as soon as her hands land on your, you recoil at her touch. "Stay the hell away from me Natasha!"

You walk out the room leaving her behind using the wall to help you walk. You made it out to the waiting room and it just broke your heart even more. Their eyes on you, the pity radiating off them. Pietro can't even meet your gaze, much less Wanda. Steve took a cautious step forward, and when you didn’t step back he continued. As soon as he reached you he embraced you, everything came crashing down. The truth would have never hurt so much, and you still didn't know the whole story. You take this opportunity and ask Steve to take you to your room. He did as you asked the whole way there was silent until you made it to your room and he closed the door. “Y/n I’m so sorry…” you cut him off. “No you aren't.” you mutter quietly. It takes him by surprise and you take advantage of it. “You need to find him… you need to leave before you don't have the chance to anymore.” He can help but ask why. “Why are you helping me?” You turn to him, your eyes filled with unspoken words. “Because I care for all of you too much to stand by and watch you destroy each other. Leave now!”

“I need to take Wanda and Pietro.” He states and you nod. “I’ll send Clint for them later.” You can't help but to turn in awe of his statement. “Steve you can’t… you can't do that to his family.” You see the guilt in his eyes. “Tony has the government on his side.” Is all he says before he turns and walks toward the door. “Take care Y/n''. Before you know it you’re alone again with nothing, but your thoughts. Soon enough Vision comes phasing through a wall. “I thought you and Wanda talked about this.” You joke wiping your tears away. “Yes, well I thought you might appreciate the company.” He motions to your bed and you nod. He takes the liberty and sits down. “Y/n, I can't lie and tell you that I know what you feel. I comprehend many things, but emotions are the one thing I can't quite figure out.” He states matter of factly. “You played a crucial part in making me whatever it is I am, but what I'm meant to be is what you would say up in the air.” He mentions moving his hands.

“Vision you’re a highly intelligent being with access to all the knowledge you could ever need. I was a kid… a sick kid. His kid.” You state quietly. “I met my mom.” you speak up again. He looks at you trying to decipher what you meant. Your hands motion to your head. “Vision I think that I’m going crazy.” The words barely a whisper as they leave your mouth. “Y/n there are many things that we can't explain… You said this helped you in Vienna. Maybe it’s best not to question it now.” His eyes search for yours, and you nod. “We’ll be a pair of unexplainable beings.” you laugh lightly. Tony not so graciously bursts in as you're about to say something, Vision stands and nods at your direction, you let him go and Tony walks in. “I know that you're angry, and disappointed, and that you probably hate me… but I don't want you to hate me.”

“Yes, well you should’ve thought about that before you casually forgot to mention that You were my father for half a year. And that's assuming you just found out Tony. When did you find out?” He’s quiet at your question, which in turn answers your question. “How long did you know… how long did they all know?” You look at him shift in his place trying to regain himself, so you let him. “Not long after Sokovia… And I-i had my suspicions before that actually.” He states standing straight and looking into your eyes for any sign of emotions. “The team didn't find out until you had your first episode.” You could tell that he didn't want you to hate them too… Little did he know that that wasn't an option because you cared for them too much. “Is Maya Hansen my mother?” You ask taking him by surprise. “I-I um yeah she was your mother.” He says scratching at the back of his neck.

“Right, well I’ll be staying here for the time being. If that's okay with you of course.” Staying gave him hope and you knew that. Now you were lying to him using it as a weakness, all to help Steve. “Yeah, Of Course I can set you up with a more permanent living situation.” He says the excitement dripping in every word. You can only nod. “Hey.” You say as he’s about to walk out. He turns to face you. “She’s okay… and she doesn't hate you.” At first he didn't understand what you meant until he remembered what you said after your first episode. Right as he was about to say something you cut him off. “And for that matter… I don't hate you either.” You state quietly. “I’m hurt… I just need a little time.” He nods the light back in his eyes. “Can you tell the twins that I want to talk to them?” He nods and finally walks out of the room.

Although your words were true you couldn't help but feel guilty. Lying was something that you were not fond of, but neither Steve nor him will take a step back and think about what's best. If someone didn't step in they would kill each other… and whoever it is that comes out on top will never be the same. You couldn't let that happen so if that meant tearing them apart before they got the chance to kill themselves it’s a sacrifice you were willing to make. Then you heard a faint knock on your door and you knew who it was. “Come in it’s open” You say loud enough for them to hear. They walk in and they are a mess just spewing out words out of their mouths… and Pietro seems to be speed apologizing and you can't help but laugh. “We’re not talking about that right now you two… so you can stop doing that.” You say flatly looking at Pietro whose words were now actually comprehensible. “I’m assuming that neither of you have changed your minds on the accords?” You ask, raising your brows. Pietro nods in agreement, but Wanda's silence and lack of reaction are somehow louder.

“Wanda you want to share with the group?” You say confused giving Pietro a look and he just shrugs. “Wanda, you know that we cant sign those papers right.” Pietro asks. She shakes her head . “I’ve hurt people Pietro, maybe this is for the best.” You scoff. “Everyone in this compound has hurt people… Including me.” You turn to Pietro. “She has day two tops before Steve comes for you.” You say emphasizing the ‘you’ at the end. “I just don't want you to feel like you don't have an option, but Wanda you have no Idea what you're signing up for if you sign the accords” She nods. “That's what I wanted to tell you.” You nod and Pietro gives you a small smile. “Why are you doing this Y/n going against your father.” Hearing her say that sparks something within you guilt, anger, sadness. “Because neither of them are going to win, they are too blind to see that we’ve already lost what we value most... Each other.” Both twins are surprised by your honesty. “I’m just trying to preserve what's left.” She nods. “You signed the accords.” She mentions sadly. You nod, taking her hand in yours. “I don't have superhuman abilities, that can be used for bad.” Now you take Pietro's hand as well. “I will do my best to keep you safe. Tony might be my father, but he’s wrong. Take care of each other.”

“This sounds an awful lot like a goodbye.” Pietro quips sadly, you nod. “That's because it might be for a while. We have to keep this charade going till Clint comes for you both. Vision won't let you go without a fight.” You say. “To our luck we have something on your side.” You say smiling pointing at your chest. “I’m going to miss you both.” You smile and pull them both into a hug. They walk out. It's not long after that you hear steps outside your door but they never come in. So you sleep it off. Days passed and you haven't heard from Steve and you were starting to worry.

Then you walk into a busy bustling conference center Tony looks stressed. He looks up at you and he seems to take a breath. “Y/n are you okay?” He asks worriedly. “Some pain here and there, but I don't think it’s anything serious.” You state. “Where are you going and would you mind if I came?” You asked, he sets his phone down and gives you a look. “You um… You would like to come with me?” You take a seat next to him. “They captured Barnes and Rogers… along with his ragtag friend Wilson. We’re going to Berlin. Pack a bag we leave in 30.” You nod. “Where's Pepper I haven't seen her around?” He nods. “Well, um we’re taking a break. I told her I would walk away from all of this, but I can’t. This is me, not to say it's her fault it’s not.” You nod and give his hand an assuring squeeze. “She loves you, just let her know you love her too.” You say as you walk away.

The flight to Germany was rough… not only were you still tired from the surgery, but it was tense. Natasha and Tony were walking on eggshells around each other. And it seems that she is keeping her distance from you. You try to relax and sleep a little but much like your flight to New York nightmares plagued your subconscious. When you wake up you don't miss the looks that Tony and Natasha give each other. Then you remembered your mothers words, you closed your eyes again and tried to relax completely just when you were about to give up and you heard her voice. “This is where you use the gift that I gave you a while ago, look for the perfect opportunity.” Then it happens again "Zhelanie, rzhavyy, Semndtsat', Rassvet, Pech', Devgat', Dobro Serdechny, Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu, Odin', Gruzovoy Vagon." Those words. Followed by “Now is the time.” When you wake up Tony is now sitting next to you holding your hand. He goes to apologize, but you stop him and thank him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

After the plane landing Tony explains that he wants to talk to Steve alone you agree and take a step back. You follow Natasha to an empty surveillance room. “I want to apologize for the way I reacted when I found out.” You say when you sit down. “It was not fair for me to take out all of my anger on you.” You continue and you can tell that you fazed her, she was expecting the worst case scenario with you. So it’s not an understatement when she says that she was speechless. “I understand if you don't want to forgive me, or If you need time…” This is the part you weren't expecting. She lunges towards you and kisses you, her lips on yours and you freeze at the feeling. She pulls away hastily turning her back on you. You don't hesitate this time you pull on her arm back to where she was standing... and kiss her back this time your lips moving in perfect synchrony. It would be an understatement if you said that the kiss was quite literally magical.

“I’ve been waiting a long time to do that.” You confess your forehead resting on hers. "And why didn't you?" She asks teasingly. "Well I was kind of waiting for that second date. I kinda have a rule." You say chuckling. In this moment you couldn't have been more happy. And there it is again that voice. "Natasha, Something is very wrong." Quite literally mirroring the incident in Vienna. When suddenly sirens are going off all around you. Your eyes meet Natasha's gaze… afraid of her reaction. "You have to tell me how you do that." She quipped making you laugh. Then you see The world renowned Winter Soldier in attack mode. Nat leaves you in the room going to fight the assassin that is endangering your lives. Almost as if it were instinct you hack into the intercom system and repeat the words that were seared into your memories. "Zhelanie, rzhavyy, Semndtsat', Rassvet, Pech', Devgat', Dobro Serdechny, Vozvrashcheniye na rodinu, Odin', Gruzovoy Vagon." You don't even have time to understand how it came out in perfect tongue. "Soldati."

You watch him loosen his hold on Natasha. The breath you've been holding is finally being let out. You see him mouth the phrase. "Ya gotov otvechat" Suddenly Steve and Sam are there and then the rest is a blur. You feel your eyes roll back and the muffled sounds of steps running frantically. When you wake up her eyes greet you, she was worried you could tell. Your eyes wonder her figure, and then her neck. The marks of his hands taking their toll on her. “Are you okay? What happened back there” She asks. “Sorry…” All you can mumble out your eyes pinned on the marks on her neck. She seemed to notice. She took your face in her hands forcing your eyes to meet hers. “It’s okay I’m okay” Is all she needs to say and you nod, leaning forward, and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. “I should’ve done something sooner.” Finally taking a look around you don't quite realize where you are. Nat seems to notice. “We’re at the compound… My room.” She mentions shyly. “How long have I been out?” She sighs. “A while, a couple of hours.” You nod apprehensively. “What happened after I blacked out?” You ask trying to remember what occurred in those hours.

“Well after your little speech on the intercom… he shut down. Whispered something along the line of ‘Ready to Comply’ then Steve and Sam took him from there.” You nod in relief visibly relaxing. Nat gives you a look. “I know what you’re thinking and it's not like that.” You state standing up. “My head tells me things… my mom tells me things. And I know that sounds fucking cynical but I'm telling you its true.” Nat tenses again her rigid exterior on again. “You said that last time.” She states bluntly. You nod slightly hurt at the fact that she doesn’t believe you. “Last I recall it also saved you last time.” She sighs but ultimately nods. “What side are you on? Because I’m having trouble believing that you are on my side.” She asks cautiously “That's because I didn't take a side Natasha, you knew how I felt about the accords from the beginning.” She’s quiet and you continue. “I’m trying to keep everyone from drowning” you take a deep breath. “I’m a pacifist Nat, and I don't want to fight with you… or anyone for that matter.”

She nods “Y/n, I have to go, can I trust you to make sure nothing goes wrong here.” You smirk at that. “D’you want me to lie to you?” You can see the amused look in her eyes. “No, we wouldn't want that now would we?” You shake your head in denial. “Well, in that case…” She cuts you off with another kiss. “We’re okay… regardless of what happens outside of that door. We can come back to each other right?” The last part was more a silent plea… to which you happily gave in. “I’ll be waiting for you.” She smiles genuinely and it’s truly a sight to behold, you feel honored to be the reason that she's smiling. “I’ll see you later then.” She states as she walks out of the room and you nod. As Steve had mentioned Clint showed up later that night. You didn’t have much to do with that by the time you’d made it down stairs. They were long gone. You could almost say the same for Vision, there was something about him now. “Are you okay?” Is the first thing that comes out your mouth. “Do you have reasons to suggest otherwise?” You shake your head. “I take it they left.”

When you finally left the compound… It felt great. Stepping away for just a minute was just what you needed. Unfortunately for you It wasn't long till you were dragged back in. It couldn’t have been three hours by when there was a knock at your door. The person standing on the other side did surprise you however. Pepper, it was her but something was different… She seemed sad. “Pepper, It’s nice to see you, what do you need?” You say while opening your door and moving to let her pass. “You need to help them…” It's all she says and you understand. “I’m trying Pepper, but they are too stubborn for their own good.” She nods. “How is he?” You take a deep breath. “He’s going stir crazy, but he's otherwise fine.” You state. “He does miss you.” She shifts her gaze, not completely comfortable. “He’s going to need you… I’ve had to do things that will hurt him. It’s going to hurt more when he finds out his daughter was working against him.” Now this made her look back at you, concern in her eyes. “He-he told you?” You nod and squeeze her hand. “I know where they are at...” It’s all that Pepper blurts out.

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