#i kinda wonder sometimes if like. in present day she feels a lot better now that she only has a handful of regalia rather than a bunch | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ssaflorencem · 6 months

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The thrill of killing you| BAU x unsub reader

Warnings: 18+ MDNI. This contains mentions of SA and CSA. It is not graphic detail at all but please do not read if that is something that triggers you. Mention of weapons. Murder (not graphic detail at all again). Also I hope this all flows and makes sense, I’ve read over and over again so it kinda of feels like it doesn’t make sense.

Summary: this is both from your POV and Hotchners POV. This is present day, and the BAU are catching on to there been a serial killer.

Chapter two: Death of a party

Your POV:

You hadn’t been caught so far; you were safe for now. You left no DNA, you changed your location, you didn’t kill in the same state for at least a year. You hadn’t changed a lot since your first kill, accept you now never left letters, you couldn’t have a signature, you couldn’t let anyone knew that you existed.

Sometimes, when you were just doing your day-to-day activities, you would look at someone and wonder if they were a rapist, a murderer, or someone just as bad. That’s when you would think of all the people you had killed, and what they had done. Then you would think about the people who were still alive and whether they were like those people.

You had a strict moral code, but you did what you did to protect others, it was the only thing you were certain of. It was the only thing you had be certain of for a while.

‘The moral code I follow is simple, it is this:

I will not kill unless I know for a fact the target is a rapist.

I will kill rapists, even if they are not in my area.

I will kill serial rapists/child molesters/abusers/human traffickers.

I will not kill anyone who does not deserve it.

I will not get caught.’

And while you had this moral code, you still enjoyed the rush your kills brought.

You were doing what the police should be doing, but you found out a long time ago that the police, especially the FBI, do not care about abusers they only cared about murderers. They only cared when it resulted in someone’s death. The people you killed had to die, that was the only way the people they had hurt would get any justice. You knew it was only you who could make the difference. You had committed yourself to this. You had no choice.

See, when the FBI did go after a criminal, they used profiling, or to put it in a better perspective, guess work. They would use the minimal evidence they had and find someone who fit the profile. You though, you had information you had names, you had the faces of abusive. You did research, you made sure the person you were about to kill was guilty.

You just wished that you could have hunted all abusers, but unless you were part of a team that would be nearly impossible.

You were not going to get caught, you knew that. You made sure all evidence was covered up, you made sure all your bases were covered. You did your research, and you knew that you were safe.

You read about a story of a man who was a rapist, not as bad as some of the others you had killed, but he still did it. His name was John Andrew Hamm, he was a teacher and would give his students alcohol or drugs and then rape them. He was a sick bastard. He had been abusing since the eighties. He was arrested numerous times, but his charges were dropped every time, the main reason was because his victims were too afraid to speak up. They were his students, and with the influence he had on the school board he was protected. He was a monster.

You knew everything about him now, his routine. He was, apart from been a monster, a simple man. While he had a lot of influence, and he was well known, he had no friends, he was not married, and he had no children of his own. He lived by himself, he never had anyone over, and he never went out. God, you almost felt sad for him, but then you remembered everything else about him.

*Ten years ago, *

You only talked Dutch at home now, your mom refused to speak English and she didn’t dare to talk Swedish anymore. It had been seven years since your mom and dad divorced, and they had a good co-parenting relationship. You often stayed weekends with your dad, which your mom with fine. But then once you turned 18 your mom refused you to see your dad.

“Ik wil niet dat je, je vader nog ziet. Hij is niet de persoon die je denkt dat hij is.”

I don’t want you seeing your dad anymore. He is not the person you think he is.

“Mam, ik begrijp het niet. Tot nu toe vond je het goed dat ik hem zag. Nu ik volwassen ben, wil je niet meer dat ik hem zie. Dat is niet logisch.”

Mom, I don’t understand. You were okay with me seeing him, until now. But now I’m adult, you don’t want me to see him anymore. That doesn’t make sense.

And every time you brought up your dad, she would basically say the same stuff. It had been a year of her saying; he just isn’t the person you think he is. You were sick of hearing it, why couldn’t she just say who he truly was.

You knew if you truly wanted to find out who he was then you were going to have to find out all by yourself. Which was going to be hard as seen as your mom wouldn’t say anything, and you knew your dad wouldn’t.

*Present day*

You waited for Mr Hamm to start his typically Saturday routine. Which was going to his local grocery store to do his weekly shopping.

As you followed him around the store, you couldn't help but feel disgusted by his presence. You watched him as he mindlessly placed items in his cart, completely unaware of the fate that awaited him.

You had planned this for weeks, meticulously going over every detail to ensure that there was no way you could get caught.

As you followed him out of the store, you made sure to keep a safe distance. You didn't want to give him any indication that you were following him.

He walked down the street and into his car, not noticing you following behind. You waited until he drove off before starting your own car. You had already prepared everything you needed in your trunk, including the tools necessary to carry out your plan.

You followed him for another ten minutes, watching as he turned into his driveway. You parked a few houses down, making sure that your car was hidden from view. This was the moment you had been waiting for.

You stepped out of your car and walked towards his house. He was taking his food in to his house. You took a breath; you had planned this, and it wasn’t your first time.

“Erm, excuse me.” You said in a low tone, it was loud enough for him to hear you. He slowly turned around, his face was neutral, no smile, no nothing really. If you didn’t know what you knew about him you wouldn’t have been able to guess, not from just looking at him.

“Are you okay?” he said in an almost friendly tone. His voice suited his looks, but not his personality.

“Yes. Yes, I am. I’m new to the area, I was wondering if you knew the woods are good to hunt it?” His neutral face had contoured into one of a happy face. His brown eyes were looking you up and down. He was trying to get a feel of you. You felt like he was undressing you with his eyes.

“They are. I can show you some of the best areas if you want?” Man, that was just a friendly gestured. If you weren’t genuinely asking for help you would have fallen for his trap.

“If you don’t mind, I would love. I’ve got my gun in my car. I’ll go grab it” You wanted to let him know you were armed.

He nods his head, not suspecting a thing. As you make your way back to your car, you feel the adrenaline pumping through your veins. You know what you have to do, and you're ready to do it. You grab your weapon and make your way back to his house.

He's waiting outside for you when you arrive, smiling as he takes you deeper into the woods. You keep your guard up, knowing that he's still dangerous despite his friendly demeanour. You follow him for a few minutes before stopping in a clearing.

"This is one of my favourite spots," he says, gesturing to the trees around you. "You should be able to find some good game here."

You nod, pretending to be interested in his hobby. You keep your eyes on him, waiting for the right moment. It comes when he turns his back to you, looking out into the woods.

You raise your weapon take aim at him.

“What’s good game to you Mr Hamm? School girls? The students you teach?” He looks at you, shocked you knew his name and what type of person he was. His friendly, happy demeanour had gone. His face was now full of fear.

“How do you know my name? Why are you saying such terrible stuff about me?” Oh god, did he really think this was going to work on you. You weren’t new to the game.

“Shut up. Let me talk, you hold no power here. Don’t lie to me, I know everything about you. If you were smart, which you really aren’t, I’d start praying now. Because you won’t be able to soon.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never done anything wrong.” You sigh, this guy is such a terrible liar.

“Oh, but you have. You’ve done so much wrong. Do you know how many victims you have?” He looks down, nervously shaking his head. You smirk. This was too easy. He had no game; he had no plan. He was nothing.

“You have 17 victims. I know that for a fact. I’ve seen the proof.” He looks at you in disbelief.

Aaron Hotchner POV

The BAU had been called in for a case, one happening in a small town in Montana. The police chief that had called us in had a hunch, he said we didn’t have to take the case, but he would like us to look over the case files.

I called the team in and gathered them around the round table, I didn’t want Garcia to present this one as she didn’t have all the information. I looked at everyone around the table, I knew if we did take on this case it would be a hard one. The person who had been killed was an apparent rapist, it wasn’t for me to comment on whether he deserved to die but it was on us to find out who killed him.

“Okay guys. This case is different. I mean we have had ones like this before, but there is only one apparent body at this time. A body of a man called Mr Hamm has been found in Lewistown, Montana. He has been accused of some crimes, and the police believe this was a vigilante kill”.

The team nodded in agreement, knowing what this case would entail. I continued, "This is going to be a tough one. We need to find out who did this and bring them to justice. We don't condone vigilante justice; it only leads to chaos."

We all got to work, looking through the files and interviewing the people in the small town. It was clear that there was a lot of tension between the locals and Mr Hamm, who had a history of sexual assault. But it was also clear that the locals were protecting whoever had killed him.

As the days passed, we started to get some leads. We discovered that Mr Hamm had been in a relationship with a woman named Rachel. She had suffered at the hands of Mr Hamm and had been seeking revenge. It was plausible that she had killed him, but we needed concrete evidence.

We decided to bring Rachel in for questioning. As we were driving to her house, I couldn't shake off the feeling that something wasn't right. There was multiple people in this town who could have killed, who had a motive to do this. But his body was clothed, he wasn’t tortured. It was a quick and simple kill.

I got a call from Garcia;

“Hey sir, I’ve been doing some research, and this is the fifth kill in Montana over the past five years. I mean there has been more murders, but I mean of this kind. A man murdered in some woods, but the man has been accused of crimes but never convicted. I think there is a connection.”

“Well, I mean there could just be a lot of vigilante murderers happening. This isn’t just a hunch is it Garcia, you’re better than this.”

“No, it’s not. They all are killed by a similar gun, and nothing else is done to them other than been killed.”

“I’m sure there is more than just five accused rapists in Montana, and a year is a long cooling off period.”

“Well, I’ve been looking across the entire US and, in every state, apart from Alaska, there are these kinds of murders happening for the past five years. I mean in Ohio there have been a few more. But I think, I think there is a connection here I just can’t see it.”

As Garcia spoke, my mind was racing. This was not just a simple case of vigilante justice; this was a serial killer. A serial killer who had been operating for five years and had somehow managed to avoid detection. I knew then that this was going to be the toughest case we had ever worked on.

We arrived at Rachel's house, and she willingly came with us to the station. As we questioned her, I could see the fear in her eyes. She denied any involvement in the murder of Mr Hamm, but I could tell she was hiding something. We needed to find out what that was.

As we continued to investigate, we discovered that there were other suspects in the small town. People who had a motive to kill Mr Hamm and had the opportunity to do so. It was becoming clear that this case was not going to be solved easily. We were going to have to dig deep and work hard to solve it.

Days turned into weeks, and we were no closer. We had to go back to Quantico as there was other serial killers to catch but I knew everyone had been keeping an eye on this case, especially Garcia.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #spencer reid #emily prentiss #penelope garcia #aaron hotch x reader #spencer reid x reader #jenifer jareau #luke alvez #aaron hotchner smut #spencer reid smut

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archivalofsins · 9 months

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This took a bit but I hope it succinctly explains my feelings on this matter.

Without further ado-

Let's discuss Kazui

He's such a lady killer, isn't that right~

Though he's also finding the time to kill the truth as well.

I'm not saying this is the woman at the bar. However, I am in a very impolite way asking where the fuck did the woman at the bar go? We never see her eyes in Half and this woman didn't have a face there. That is notably odd.

A woman that didn't have a face before has a face now and the woman who had one in his first video is nowhere to be seen. That's just odd.

We see Kazui doing some of his favorite pastimes during cat. Drinking and smoking.

Portal Timeline

20/06/11

Mikoto: Kazu-san, do you have any hobbies? I kinda want to get into something that’s a bit more mature. The sort of thing I could still be doing 10 years from now.

Kazui: Ahh, hobbies, huh. I wonder…… Hm, I guess trawling? I have a friend with a boat, so we went out on it a lot. Other than that, I guess when I go out drinking sometimes I play darts…… On that note, do you drink?

Mikoto: Ahh, I’ve tried darts before too. Drinking, huh. I guess I can probably hold my alcohol a bit better than the average person. Back when I was a uni student I drank a lot. But…… you look like you drink a lot too, Kazu-san.

Kazui: ……can you tell? That’s probably my biggest hobby of all of them. I like drinking anything. Beer, wine, shōchū, the lot.

21/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Kazui: Oh, Shina-chan? How scandalous, coming to a man’s room in the middle of the night like this. Well, not that it’s really a room, just a cell. ……just kidding, since you brought some drinks with you, I’m assuming you’ve come to wish me a happy birthday, right? Thank you.

Mahiru: Yep! Happy birthday Kazui-san~ Clap clap clap! But as well as that~ ……I also just maybe wanted to use it as an excuse so I could ask you for some advice over drinks, I suppose?

Kazui: Advice, huh. Well, you’re more than welcome, but I don’t really know what advice an old man like me could give you. I haven’t got the first clue about what love is like for a young girl nowadays.

Mahiru: Ahaha…… Don’t worry, much as I’d love to talk about that too, um…… er, Kazui-san. You know, recently I’ve been having the same dream every day. Lots of people were denying my actions…..Denying my thoughts…… that sort of dream.

Yet, for some reason in Cat,

"Phew, oh wow I’m drunk- Hey, so what if I said I liked-liked you, what would you do?"

He presents himself as having a low alcohol tolerance using being drunk as a convenient excuse for his confession in case it goes poorly.

We later see that when with his wife they've both downed half a bottle of champagne, a beverage that ranges between 11.6% alcohol to 12%. Whiskey what he's drinking at the bar ranges from 40% to 50% if it's apple whiskey like implied then it clocks out at 35% alcohol at the least.

Shōchū one of the alcohols he mentions by name ranges from 25% to 37% alcohol. So, tripping up over one glass of whiskey that isn't even finished is noticeably odd for him considering his previous statements.

However, considering his posture and staggering in the middle of the mv he does seem to have had a rough night.

Possibly drinking more than he usually does for one reason or another. However, I don't believe he was that drunk when he asked that question. I think he just drunk more after whoever he asked gave their answer.

It's also kind of odd that the bartender and possibly the girl from the bar both seem to be attending Kazui's wedding.

I'm not so certain about the girl at the bar because she just doesn't have a face here, but I wouldn't be certain even if she did as we never see her eyes just her face in Half. The guy in the middle on the other hand definitely looks like the person we see behind the bar in Half.

20/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……Kazui-san…… um…… Are you, happy…… on your birthday……?

Kazui: Hm? If I’m being honest, at this age I don’t really think much about birthdays any more. But…… it can be nice to have as a means to start something. Like, for a friend you haven’t seen in a long while, it’s a good excuse to suddenly start up a conversation, you know? Being able to hear from a bunch of people like that makes it fun.

Haruka: I-is that, so…… That’s… nice…… I’m, kind of… jealous.

But, I’d also, want to hear from people…… e-even if, there isn’t a reason……

Kazui: Haha, but it can’t always be like that. You know, for us adults…… we always want a reason or an excuse for everything. ……hm? Wait, is today my birthday? So is that why you went out of your way to talk to me yourself for once, Haruka?

"There was a widow who, at her husband's funeral, fell in love with his colleague. She killed her son the very same night. Why? She'd see that man again at her son's funeral." - Caligula Effect Overdose Sun Temple Riddle and Answer.

If someone could use a funeral for that sort of thing who's to say another person couldn't use a wedding.

"I just wanted to ask, so it’s out in the open. I just got a little greedy." "I realize the futility, but I still can't help but dream."

We see a green apple roll beneath Kazui's foot before getting a glimpse of a familiar visage. Now with an apple adorning their head instead of a mask.

As the divide between truth and lies grows thinner.

"All those things I wanna do that I can’t say out loud I gotta keep it inside and act."

We see him become less and less capable of sustaining the act he's been putting on up until-

It snaps.

"Let’s take a breather; Love (plus) Destiny = Crap, smash it, shatter it, bye-bye. To be caressed by you, that would be perfection."

"I wanted to be loved, just like a cat. Maybe act capricious, on my word and at my fancy."

Man admits he wants to be for the streets and gets judged for it.

I want a relationship like a cat's- I want to be able to leave and come home whenever. Be a bit capricious- Change my mind and mood whenever at my own discretion. Try a little bit of everything eat birds on the street, chase red dots, push glasses off tables, be the predator instead of the prey!

Because-

"It's better to be a let down than be let down."

Is it so wrong to want something casual to come back home to?

To just want to-

For appearance sake.

"So, it’s wrong? Oh, shove that! INNOCENT, isn’t that right?"

To want to avoid getting greedy and complicating things with unnecessary honesty.

Imposter Boulevard Trial 2 Voice Drama

"Isn’t it unusual to openly reveal a personal dislike as a personal dislike?"

-Later-

"You said I was unfaithful – in other words, that I cheated or committed adultery of some kind."

"Yeah. That’s what I deduced from your footage."

"It’s not true. It didn’t even turn into infidelity. It didn’t turn into anything like that. For me… In my case, you see."

Cat

"Phew, oh wow I’m drunk- Hey, so what if I said I liked-liked you, what would you do? I just wanted to ask, so it’s out in the open. I just got a little greedy."

"The beating of this heart... see... it’s no longer about good and bad... it isn’t. I realize the futility, but I still can’t help but dream."

Being honest, telling the truth, speaking candidly, none of those things are about being viewed as good or bad. The only thing that's about is telling another person one's genuine beliefs and feelings.

It's right after this line the mask and gimmicks fall away, he takes off his ring and tells his wife "Let's take a breather."

An old-fashioned way of saying let's end things here whether it be for a bit or indefinitely.

Half

"All this time till now has hurt me, the scales of my heart has decided to sway. If continuing to hide is called unhappiness, not even one word will get to you."

Cat

"All those things I wanna do that I can’t say out loud I gotta keep it inside and act."

"I can’t stop, I can’t be normal. This feeling, it can’t be gratified. I can’t stop, I can’t be normal. This feeling, it’s yearning to be satisfied."

Finally saying those things left unspoken and literally dissolving their marriage.

Oh, then there's the more than casual lyrical similarities between Kazui's and Mahiru's songs.

"Since when have I ignored my feelings? It’s better to be a let down, than to be let down yourself. I just wanted to touch, to caress. I just wanted to be touched. So, it’s wrong? Oh, shove that! INNOCENT, isn’t that right? Maybe, perhaps... or... could it come true... like. It’s for the sake of true love, who wouldn’t lie for that?"

"This can’t go on, something’s got to give, I even love saying the words, “I love you” My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care! Tell me, oh tell me why, won’t you just accept me?" - "Mon-mon-monstrously in love in love. Mon-mon-monstrous, cuz I love you so much."

"Love (plus) Destiny = Crap, smash it, shatter it, bye-bye. That sticky-sweet sequence: Dinner + Camouflage + You-Know-What. Loving Affection (minus) Love, it’s tacky, this two-way deceit. Victim and Perpetrator, let’s keep it simple."

"Clothes Food Shelter + Love and Miss you. “See you next week?” sounding in cadence. The meaning of life while guilty, I can’t even breathe anymore. My lethal weapon: “This is how to be in love with you”. Clothes Food Shelter - Love and Miss you. This adorable, earnest, sincere ♥ Is bleeding, wailing, this is the end- What you trampled is my, “This is how to be in love with you”."

They're just two cheaters who people suspect were not directly involved with their victim's deaths. What's the matter with stating what one likes or dislikes in this situation? What makes one better than the other? It's simply perspective~

So, let's keep it simple and fair, alright?

#milgram #kazui mukuhara

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fluffansmut-old · 1 year

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Like you haven’t done that

Part 3

Summary: After you and Jonathan leave with your partners, doubt creeps into Joyces mind and she start to wonder if the choices she made were right, she calls up hopper for reassurance.

Content warnings: Byers!reader (only mentioned in this part though), mentions of sexual activity, self doubt, mentions of periods, sweet fluff

Word count: 973

AO3 | masterlist

Part 1 - Part 2

When Joyce heard the car pull out of the driveway, her children and their significant others inside, she thought about the speech she had given.

Was she too strict? Or was she the total opposite? Were her children about to go rogue and make irreversible mistakes, all while thinking they had her blessing?

All the doubt forming inside her got the upperhand and she felt like she was the worst mother in America.

She needed someone to talk to, some reassurance and a laugh.

So she picked up the phone in the hall, fingers dialing quickly.

“Hello Joyce” Hopper said, voice tired.

“Am I the worst parent ever?” she bluntly asked, not even bothering to say hi.

“Well if you are then join the fucking club” he said, unironicly.

“Did something happen with El?” Joyce asked, forgetting her own problems, now focused on helping Hopper.

“It's more a question of what didn’t happen with El…” the man said with a sigh. “She's been upside down and inside out all day long and I can't for the life of me figure out what’s going on?”

“Have you talked to her about it?” Joyce asked.

”I've tried, believe me, but she’s snappy and short with me.” he said, truly confused as to what happened to his girl. “all she wants to do is mope around in her room, she came out for dinner but there wasn’t much of a conversation there either”

“It’s hormones” Joyce said, having gone through it all before with her two eldest. “Trust me, she is feeling all the emotions on the register and she can't quite navigate or understand it herself, there isn't much to do than to have an insane amount of patients and try to talk to her, to reassure her that it's okay.”

“Huh” was Hopper's first response.

He hadn't really gotten into the mindset of raising a teenager yet. He still sometimes got aftersweats from that time late last year, when El woke him up screaming that something died in her bed. He hadn't known what to say nor what to do when he walked in on her with bloodstained sheets and pants to match. So Joyce and her experience, advice and never ending stash of pads had been the answer then too.

“You, knowing this, pretty much proves that you're not the worst parent ever” He then said, shifting the focus back to Joyce.

“It doesn´t feel that way, my eldest two are apperently having sex now, and it kinda annoys me that I didn´t know before hand.” The stress in her voice was so present, it almost felt like one could touch it. She took a shaky breath and Hopper almost wanted to jump through the phone to put a cigarette between her lips, to calm her a little. Before he could say anything she continued.

“ Like is my intuition slacking off? Was my sextalk too late? Am I only months away from sharing a grandchild with Karen Wheeler or Wayne Munson?”

The last question threw Hopper a little. Jonathan and Nancy were of course not a surprise, but at the mention of Munson he almost choked on his own spit.

Cos he knew Wayne, hell he had shared drinks with him more than a few times. He knew that he was an honest man, who fathered a child that originally wasn't supposed to be his. A role he and Hopper now shared. Hopper had a lot of good things to say about Wayne Munson.

That was also why he looked between his fingers, when he heard rumors about how Wayne's nephew was selling drugs on school property.

He knew very little about the younger munson, but he had seen him around town. And rumours spread quickly around Hawkins.

The kid looked intimidating. Almost scary even. Hopper knew that he was better than judging by looks, but in this case he couldn't help it and blurted out:

“Your girl is really sleeping with Munson's kid?”

He cared a great deal about Joyce and her kids, so for her daughter to be with someone of that reputation worried him a little.

“Hop, I’ve met him.” Joyce stated, she heard the weariness in his question. “and from what I know he’s a good kid, although life hasn’t been exactly kind to him”

Hopper wanted to take Joyce's word for it, but he was still weary, cos he knew things about Eddie Munson's father too.

To say he didn’t worry about if all those qualities that he possessed somehow genetically transferred to his son, was an understatement.

“I guess,” he muttered.Then he remembered the purpose of the call.

“You are doing a great job with them Joyce”

Those words made stray tears fall upon Joyce’s cheeks. This was essentially what she wanted to hear, it was what she worried about, daily. That she didn’t measure up, that the fact that her three kids didn’t have a father present would scar them in unimaginable ways.

“Thank you,” she said. “Do you want me to talk to El?”

Hopper thought about it, it would be convenient and calming to have someone else talk to her, but when push came to shove, she was his kid and he needed to be able to handle it.

“Thank you, but I’ll talk to her again myself,” he said. “You’ve inspired me.”

“I’m positive that you’ll do fine, you know it can’t be worse than what I’ve already been through tonight, and then you can totally manage” Joyce said.

“Please don’t remind me that there are worse things to come,” Hopper said with a groan. “If she ever comes in the future admitting that she wants to sleep with that wheeler kid then I don’t know what to”

“Send her to me” Joyce said, “I’ve got your back”

“And I got yours”

#eddie munson x reader #eddie x reader #jopper

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cosettepontmercys · 8 months

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Hi! I missed you too! How are you? I totally agree about all your posts about the rerecordings which we have been over lol. The new Look What You Made Me Do sounded almost exactly the same to me lol. I would love a doc about the rerecordings and I hope it's a possibility! I will let you know how the shuffle listen of 1989 goes! I loved the green cover and especially the color of the vinyl. I'm excited to see the pink one!

Oh I totally forgot I sent that ask to you but I will be looking forward to hearing your thoughts on it. So take your time! It's just a discussion and not disagreeing or anything..if It came off like that..I can't remember everything I wrote lol.

I'm so interested in the Outsiders musical! That's one of my favorite movies but I do wonder what the songs will be like musically. Probably like 50s to match the time period? The only thing I knew about it is Angelina Jolie is a producer lol. That's such a hard question! I honestly don't know what I would pick. I think The Outsiders could be good though! Any of my favorite movies I would be interested about..lol but it's not something I've really thought about before. It's easier for me to say what kind of musical I would write. So that would be my question for you...but I'll think about it more. For the revival question, I would've said Sweeney Todd..which is already happening. I liked all the revivals from this year though. Maybe something older..but there have already been a few good ones recently..like Hello Dolly or Carousel or On The Town. Or maybe something lighthearted like Hairspray...so idk! Sometimes I like when they revive something I'm not as familiar with too..so then I can learn about a new musical. Like Spamalot is supposed to be coming maybe and I'm not familiar with it besides the Monty Python movie. Anyway what about you?

I actually read the a snippet of Red White and Royal Blue like the first chapter and I was shocked that they cut his sister out of the movie since she was in the first scene. Also that the book is his perspective..it seemed pretty equal in the movie to me. Idk when I will ever read anymore though. Cuz I still enjoyed the movie..but I totally understand what you mean too..and why you didn't..since you love the book so much! I do see a lot of gifs of it and will probably reblog at some point though. I've been pretty good! Okay great! I ended up reading up to chapter 5 and may read more tomorrow. I like it so far..it kept my interest and I like these kind of stories..since it's like past and present..we don't know exactly what happened yet. It kinda reminds me of another book I read called Some Other Now. Unfortunately that one was just okay for me but I have hope for this one. The chapters seem pretty short so I could probably read more. What pace are you thinking? I actually started another book too accidentally that seemed kinda similar. It's called I'll give you the Sun..have you ever read it? It's been on my list for a while..mainly cuz it's about twins! This one was a brother and sister though.My sister and I are identical twins haha so if you have any other books about twins..let me know lol. I am using it as an opportunity to start reading You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone again..which is also about twin sisters. I can't remember if you read it..i also loved it but I might have got busy or something. I am also still reading Business and Pleasure. So I already have a feeling I will love these and it made me excited for reading again! Like these are the kinda books I could read in a day. The movie Crush also had a pair of twin sisters which might be why I liked it more too haha. Unlike these books though, I have always mostly been super close to my sister so it's interesting to read another perspective. We have always been like the Weasley twins to me lol but if I feel disconnected to her, I can read these and feel better. I'm sorry about the health stuff and hope everything is okay as can be!

i am okay!! i have been all over the place lately </3 but things are a lot better now than they were last week! i hope you've been doing well and you have a great weekend!! 🤍

sometimes i log on and i see all these ... critiques about how things sound so different/so much worse/etc. and i'm like damn i know my hearing isn't that great but is my hearing really that bad? because it all sounds fine to me! i'm so so excited for the pink 1989 cover ! and i hope we get to do the vault unscramble again, i missed it for speak now 🤍

and you're good!! i love talking about little women, and i didn't take it that way at all! but i do have a lot to say about it (and i might end up rereading/rewatching parts of little women so i can better explain myself).

i'm so so curious about the outsiders musical! i hope it does well, and i hope it's a good adaptation. i really should get around to reading the outsiders soon! i loved the on the town revival! i really like dance heavy shows, and megan fairchild is such a beautiful dancer 🤍 i'm really torn on what i'd revive; i'd love to see a spring awakening revival but i think the deaf west revival was so perfect, i think we're due for a next to normal revival (wondering if the west end production will transfer), i feel like i have to say newsies for sentimentality's sake! i really like it when revivals do something different (like the recent oklahoma revival was phenomenal)!

and yes — june, my beloved :( very bitter about her being cut! i have not had time to read lately but i will probably sit down ... tomorrow ... and read it all in one go, hopefully! this weekend for sure! and then we can discuss!!! i read i'll give you the sun many, many years ago and liked it then but do not remember a single thing about it now! i have a lot of friends who love it though so maybe i should reread it at some point. it's so cool that you and your sister are identical twins! i'm totally blanking on books right now, but there are twins in the night circus by erin morgenstern, and i'll try to think of more twin books tomorrow!! i have not read you'll miss me when i'm gone, but it's on my list! i'm so glad you're enjoying your current reads!! 🤍

#post: answered #🩷 anon

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breezyrainybaby · 1 year

Text

also 9 Mar 2022

A small talk to myself

I’m thinking of taking a break from everything for a while, and I’m thinking of you.

I kinda had a breakdown last Tet lol. Mom and dad and grandma and grandad kept complaining about how late I was staying at night and how bad the light was regarding my working conditions (at their home). Bruh they were sooo annoying that I couldn’t hold back one or two teardrops, because ya already know how much of a mess our thoughts are and how silent we can keep until it’s too late not to burst out. Other than that, mom and dad and grandma and grandad were very lovely and family love was great, but I strongly recommend staying home no longer than a couple of weeks to avoid conflicts and stress lol.

I miss us a lot. Bro your fashion was the worst seriously. We didn’t have a lot money, or it might have been the lack of access to the right supplies, or the courage to go out there to the shops and be like “Miss, how much are those pair of trousers?”. We relied on mom for a living, and would wear whichever she bought. To be honest I prefer to be dead than to wear our style back then.

I wonder if I would have a crush on you if I were not you. I doubt that. Some girl that is not so pretty, and a bit pretentious. Perhaps it’s because I’ve got to understand you too well to love you. I could be proud of our unlike-anybody-else type of personality, but how would I ever fall in love with you?

And hey guess what, you would change a lot as you grow up, but not that much. You would hate the same people you hated, despite how hard you have tried to find a reason behind their actions and to force yourself not to judge. You would always thought you’re special and the world kinda needs a living thing like you, though in fact, the only people that think so that often, are mom and dad. You are shy, and find it hard to express yourself to the world, well, less than in your teenage time, as you have grown comfortable with your flaws somehow, but the struggle would still be real. You feel lonesome sometimes, if not all the time, as the core trait to your existence is being insecure.

I miss us a lot.

You wouldn’t believe this, but I do auditing. Bet you’re gonna be like “Bruh?” because me, too – even I still can’t believe this is happening. Wtf is accounting and what does it have to do with our 24/7 obsessions? Such a weird dilemma it is that in the most pessimistic scenarios, I still appreciate what I am doing in this place and these people around me wholeheartedly.

The thing is it’s not about how your life would change for the better and how accomplished you could be in the future. You are a human being not with a head full of dreams, but rather with lots of unrealistic and unqualified fantasizes.

The moment you breathe, you live, you become what you are, and that’s it.

Like shaking uncontrollably when delivering a 2-minute presentation. Wandering through Vũng Tàu. Suffering through the thesis semester. Playing with the kids in the English center where you used to be a teaching assistant. Feeling ugly. Studying and being indulged in a subject you love for hours in high school. Feeling uncertain and lost in college. Smelling the freshness of the air while seeing the city sparkling in the bright sunlight. Listening to some songs and watching some movies - nothing was real but the experience. End of the day, getting on the bus, floating in the ocean of thoughts like, “How could I ever be a part of this hustling, bustling city?”, and just heading home. All the things that have ever happened and gone without your notice, were the only things that were real.

Why are we realizing this just now?

Btw I don’t know why but I’m listening to some Christmas songs in the middle of February when the peak season is at its peak, after a good cry. Yay. Santa Claus is coming to town~

#my dumb writings

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outofcontexturi · 1 year

Text

Mon 23rd jan 2023 journal 2:17am

I need to piss but I’m here. I think I’m active again. my brain feels to be working fine again unlike on Saturday morning where I was completely stressing. I’m starting to think there’s should be rules you don’t do when you wanna get high. Rule number uno: do not smoke or consume edibles without eating first. Rule number two: do not consume edibles if you haven’t had sleep. It will increase your anxiety and you’ll have a bad trip. Rule number three: learn to micro dose your shit. It’ll make for a better high. Those are my three rules so far. I’m present as can be right now. I miss being able to do this without worrying about time but here I am. I really am an over thinker. I get so in my head about things because there’s an intrinsic need to be right. It’s like I’ve been trying to prove that I’m right all my life. It’s like I have to prove how smart I am to people for them to respect me. That’s how I’ve felt since I was probably around 7. Being conscious that you’re doing something in real time is quite a trip. If my mood was a number i think it would be 7.5/8 out of 10. I need to piss still. I missed the 2:22. It’s 2:23. My left foot is moving a lot because I need to piss. I’ve gone to piss. Exited the room and saw on BBC news that Lisa Marie Presley has been laid to rest. I know very little if anything about the woman. Anyways today is gonna be a good day. I do need to sleep though. I think I’m thinking about how tedious MYO week is going to be. I need to think of a way to not want to lose my will to live this week. It’s 2:27am. make that 28. sometimes I wonder if I have the answers like I say I do but then I ask myself do you really? cause things feel new and I’m not used to this and I think that’s contributing to my anxiety as to whether or not I’m doing well. I’m filling my mind with these time conscious wealth entrepreneurial “gurus” who come across to have a sincere message but all in all are telling me politely in other words to be in a different financial position than I am now and I hear it but like where’s the time when you’re in full time education. I feel like there’s a part of me i haven’t actually explored. I think my growth comes thru travelling without my mum by my side or so heavily influential on if I travel to places. But it’s also a thing where she believes I don’t listen to her enough and I don’t want any of her weird/crazy superstitions to come true. But your baby boys got to live and somethings got to give ma. This cold I’m feeling is so so heavy my goodness. I’ve felt cold days man. This is actually so bad. This is the type of cold you never want to be in. My room is so cold right now. This isn’t it man. This is why I need to make it out the hood! cause I can’t live like this all my life. I need luxury and affordable housing clothing and great value food in my life as well as a bad bitch that really trusts and loves me. If I’m keeping it so real with you. I don’t really know why I have a tense disposition but a lot of people say it and I’m kinda like I’m not tense? but people see it. I don’t like that. I don’t like that people see me that way. Don’t get me wrong my body is tense generally speaking BUT not to the point where I look robotic and shit. I just caught myself overthinking in real time lol. It’s 2:41am. I can faintly hear the bbc news playing in mums room. I’m also scared to tell people my dreams. I think it’s cause people won’t believe it and if people I love don’t believe in my dream I don’t think I can be around them. I don’t want to be around them. But I’m also not sure I have the talent for what I want to do. I wonder what’s robbed me of my self confidence. Unless I think my self and my art work in tandem. My art is so heavily tied to me you can’t really separate it without me taking very much personal offence to it. I need to learn that my art is only one extension of me and not my whole being. But I think outside of that i don’t really know myself like that. Like idk if I’d struggle to answer 10 things I really like or 10 things I do with myself outside of acting. Con 2:46am

#journal

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hintofcolor · 2 years

Text

more headcanons!!!!

I need a life I know I know

Cassandra is the only person Damian doesn’t pick physical fights with

Bruce and Dinah are best friends

She is the only person he will willing go up to and hug out of the blue

They spar a lot and keep count of who wins each time

Whoever has the least amount of wins by the end of the week has to buy the other a drink

It’s very much a protective older sister and tired™️ little brother dynamic

Diana has on multiple occasions walked into the watchtowers monitor room to find both Bruce and Clark asleep

Clark floats when he’s really happy

Jason is better with kids than Dick is

When presented with a scared child if said child notices an emblem on their chest legacy heroes will not hesitate to throw any issue they have with their mentor out the window

For example:

Upon seeing the bat on Jason’s chest the small child barely whispers out ‘are you batman’ to which he responds very gently with a soft smile ‘I’m his son’

Roy trying to calm down a kid when he notices the arrow patch on their book bag and begins to explain that green arrow is his dad

Cassie very proudly explaining how she’s wonder girl and going on about different stories about her Diana and Donna till the little boy starts laughing and eases up

Cassie has the worst sense of style

Tim gets very defensive when one of his siblings mentions that Bernard kinda reminds them of kon

Damian and Tim will go to places together one of them has seen on missions so they can both paint and take pictures of it

Sometimes Tim will take pictures and think ‘Damian would like this’ so he prints them out so Damian can draw them

Some times the drawings end up on Tim’s bed

All of them have been neatly pinned to Tim’s wall

Conspiracy theorist™️ Bernard and Tim sit up all hours of the night talking about different theories and watching Unsolved

They have been doing it since they met

It was one of those nights at like 3am watching Bernard laugh at some stupid thing Tim said that it hit Tim he really like him

Tim proceeded to shove those feelings very very very far down

Protective J’onn J’onzz™️

Jon is a little shit of a younger brother and thrives off of it

For Mother’s Day Conner bought Lois a motorcycle

She cried

For multiple reasons

Hawkgirl dyes her hair red and doesn’t tell a soul

When diana found out instead of taking the high road she used it as black mail

Kori can and will pull rank with the royalty card

Superman is the leagues go to when it comes to handling big public government things

He has had to remind them on multiple occasions that certain accusations they throw around can lead to international problems because of the status of certain justice league members

Or that normal rules don’t really apply to certain league members

‘No you can’t throw Martian Manhunter in prison, he is a very established government official on Mars. It wouldn’t end well.’

‘For the last time, Wonder Woman is royalty. Unless you want to deal with Themyscira political officials I suggest backing down’

‘Booster is from the future? What do you mean documents’

‘You are so right let’s just send them back to their planet. That no longer exists. That will work.’

‘While yes he is apart of the league GL answers to OA. If this is an issue we can’t do anything. You will have to talk to the guardians’

‘I don’t care if you don’t like it, we literally don’t have that kind of authority, you have to talk to the ones who do’

Bruce hated midnighter when they first met

However midnighter managed to win him over

No one knows how because by all accounts they should hate each other

Now they are a terrifying duo and Lucas thrives off of it

Theres a swear jar in the watchtower but ‘swear’ is crossed out and it says ‘obnoxious’ instead

Basically when some one comes in bragging about a save or a mission or their intelligence or name drops or whatever they put a dollar in the jar

The money is donated at the end of the month and they take turns choosing which charity

They also have a ‘days since’ board and it’s ‘days since world ending disaster’

They throw a party every time 10 days hit. So a party for 10 days, then 20 then 30 and so on

The absolute frustration that runs through the tower when it hits a 9 then an alien invasion hits

They have never gone above 36 days

It’s Very specific and multiple people are looking into it

Starfire joined the justice league and is now a very respected member not just by the league but by civilians as well

Barbra and kori hang out together a lot

I mean she is constantly over at the clock tower talking and messing around with all 3 of the batgirls

Stephanie swears she’s in love

It’s overall a very loving environment and kori thrives off of it

Especially when Dinah or Kara or Helena stop by as well

It gets very crowed and very loud some nights

And while Barbra doesn’t really like crowds and it being noisy makes it slightly more difficult to work she loves her friends so much and can’t help but smile at them laughing and messing up her space

Roy becomes a kindergarten teacher

And he’s so good at it

He likes to work at low income schools

Parents and students love him so much

Raven becomes a therapist because well empath but also she has a very calming voice and she is really good with connecting with people

Kori and Donna become diplomats for the justice league for the meetings and other events Superman can’t go to

Because while they are kind and very sensible they are not push overs and will do whatever it takes to make sure people are safe

The league trusts their judgment when it comes to negotiating and such because they will always put the safety of civilians first

It also helps that they are extremely intimidating

#dc comics #tim drake #barbra gordon #kori anders #justice league #dc headcanon #donna troy #dick grayson #Batman #Superman #roy harper #damian wayne #Jason Todd #cassie sandsmark #dinah lance

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twstarchives · 3 years

Text

Happy Birthday・Ruggie

Card: Birthday Attire - SSR Characters: Ruggie & Yuu. Mentioned: Leona

Chapter 1

—SAVANACLAW DORM - BIRTHDAY PARTY VENUE—

NRC Campus News Interview with the Birthday Student ~Ruggie ver.~

Yuu: Happy birthday!

Ruggie: Thanks! Hehehe, birthdays are the best.

You know, I gave birthday presents to a whole lot of people.

‘Cause obviously I wanted to celebrate my friends’ special days...

...Yeah right! It was so they’d get me something back on mine!!

They’re all spoiled rotten, so their gifts are always way more expensive than the ones I give ‘em.

Last year I got so much stuff that both my arms were full! I’m psyched for this year~!

What are some birthday memories you have with your family?

Ruggie: Family, huh...? Well, my mom went to live among the stars in the sky shortly after she had me...

And my dad went away for work and never came back. No clue what he’s up to now.

All my memories are really made up of times with my grandma.

Back then we were struggling just to put food on the table. We couldn’t get fancy birthday cakes or anything.

So instead, I looked forward to the donuts she’d make for me every year.

Flaky on the outside, fluffy on the inside! They’ve got a simple taste of home and I could eat them over and over.

After I started taking part-time jobs, we were able to afford some better ingredients.

That let us jazz ‘em up a little by pouring melted chocolate over them or topping them with almonds.

We’re comfortable enough to buy actual cakes now, but those donuts are what I really crave on my birthday.

Your grandma sounds wonderful.

Ruggie: Hehe, doesn’t she? She’s sweet and kind but also really tough. I’m proud to call her my grandma.

Chapter 2

—SAVANACLAW DORM - BIRTHDAY PARTY VENUE—

What’s your favorite food?

Ruggie: I was just talking about them a second ago: donuts!

I mean, I’d be more than happy to wolf down the bones along with my meat, as long as they’re not rotten.

...Huh? Wait, do you think I’m joking?

Hyenas like me have jaws strong enough to chew through thick bones, not just the meat.

Don’t believe me? Treat me to some bone-in meat sometime. I’ll eat the whole thing in front of you, bone and all!

Do you have anything that’s important to you?

Ruggie: MONEY!!

Anything besides that?

Ruggie: Ehh? Uh, I guess the other thing would be my warthog piggy bank.

I picked it up when I was a kid after I’d found it dumped outside some rich family’s place.

I took it down to a junk dealer thinking I could sell it, but it had no value so I ended up keeping it.

It’s got a function where it’ll swallow any coins you put in its mouth and then start talking or singing to you in this happy voice.

Kinda like we’re both excited about saving money... so I started to get attached to it.

I heard there’s a meerkat version in the same series.

Someday I’d love to get that one and put ‘em next to each other.

Chapter 3

—SAVANACLAW DORM - BIRTHDAY PARTY VENUE—

What’s your opinion on your dorm leader?

Ruggie: What? On Leona-san? Uh, let’s see...

I feel like he’s really comfortable bossing people around ‘cause he grew up with a bunch of servants.

He works us to the bone, but I get good benefits that make it all worth it.

What kind of benefits?

Ruggie: First is the financial part. Leona-san’s always giving me stuff he doesn’t need anymore, and that actually helps me out a ton!

I keep the stuff I can use, and then the rest I sell—er, hand off to people who need ‘em.

Second is the learning part. He explains anything I didn’t understand in class to pay me back for all the work I do.

The only stuff I knew before coming to Night Raven College was what I needed to survive.

I had no idea how to do this so-called “studying” thing, so at first my grades were terrible.

But Leona-san gave me study aids, problems from past exams, and lots of guidance... and now my grades are right below average!

Impressive, yeah? I worked so hard climbing up from the lowest of low~

Just goes to show how important it is to stay connected with powerful people. Always gotta see what you can use to benefit yourself.

How do you spend your long holidays?

Ruggie: Hmm, besides visiting home, I keep myself busy with jobs. I take a lot of live-in jobs that come with three meals a day.

Like in the summer, I’ll be part of the restaurant staff at a resort, or in the winter I’ll be a ski instructor in the mountains.

It’s really fun to meet all kinds of new people there, like the staff and customers.

Thanks to this, I’ve picked up basic greetings and phrases for bargaining in over ten different languages.

I’ve even run into famous sorcerers before, so it’s really useful for building your network!

Thank you for sharing all of this with us. Once again, happy birthday!

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland translations #ruggie bucchi #personal story #birthday attire

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

Stranger In The Crowd

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having recently ended the process of moving, Y/N is rightfully very tired but also very excited for the new chapter of her life. Funnily enough, this new chapter includes a newly formed long distance friendship/crush with a very special person from San Diego.

Requested by @boiled-onionrings Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request and I’m really sorry you’ve had to wait so long for it to be posted but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

I let out a heavy sigh, relieved to finally be at home after such a long day of standing around in the Georgia heat with only a thin layer of fabric to protect my eyes and head from the scorching sun. Yeah, anyone who says that tent did well at protecting everyone under it today is nothing but a liar. I was in a short, strapless white summer dress, the fabric of which barely had any weight and consistency to provide heat of its own yet I still damn near melted. Ok, I’ll admit, some of the roasting heat probably came from the energy and force I put into singing the songs of my band’s new album ‘Starting At The End’.

The mini concert we held in this large open field was meant as an introduction to the city of Savannah where all the band members - myself included - are actually from but we all moved to the West Coast to pursue our music career. And now that we’ve grown, and the majority of us are married, one of us is a father now as well, we’ve decided to return to our hometown. The decision was so spontaneous and was executed so quickly due to no one objecting to it that it still hasn’t me that I’m no longer in LA. The heat isn’t helping my ‘processing’ process but I’ll get to it eventually. Do I miss LA though? Not sure I do - I think I more miss the people I was closer to while I was there.

Suddenly, as if perfectly timed, my phone dings, notifying me that I’ve received a message. I don’t have to look to know it’s from - there’s only one person I actively text and his name is....

C ~ Your virtual buddy Corpse here, making sure you didn’t die of a heatstroke today. If you did indeed survive, just reply to this message, if not....don’t do anything, I guess.

I can’t help but giggle at the sight of the message. I promised Corpse I’d text him after the concert to let him know I was ok, but the even dragged out for longer than anticipated so I’m guessing he got worried.

How cute.

Me ~ Alive and well, but I do feel like a popped tire of an overloaded truck. Hope that’s a visually appealing description

Corpse and I met on the charity livestream Jacksepticeye organized and invited our band to so we could play Among Us with some of the best gamers and streamers on the internet. It was a huge honor and a ton of fun, definitely an event I’d like to repeat in the near future because I had such a good time and I know all my bandmates did too. We all got acquainted and even became official friends with the gamers that were practically our hosts, Corpse becoming the closest friends I’d earn. That livestream happened months ago and we still text just as consistently.

C ~ Oh I know EXACTLY what you mean. Anyway, as to not exhaust you further to force you into typing, how about you send me pictures to sum up your thoughts and emotions and plans for the evening

This is OUR THING trademark, mine and Corpse’s and no one can take it away from us. It’s a significant element of our friendship that enables us both to understand one another when one of us feels the way I described in my message - a popped tire or a deflated balloon. I’m usually the exhausted one - blame the many shows we do and the many meet-and-greets we organize for our lovely fans. It’s the type of exhaustion none of the band members mind at all, but we definitely need some time to recover from it.

As I go to sit down on my couch, the flower crown I’ve been wearing slips off the top of my head, falling on the floor, creating a soft noise that attracts the attention of one of my many cats - Sasha. She’s the youngest and most curious kitty in the family, always protected by the other four - Luna, Cassie, Silver and Lynn. Those four are far lazier and a lot more disinterested in comparison to Sasha who immediately runs over to see what’s fallen.

I smile to myself, taking the flower crown and undoing it to lessen it by a few stems to make it smaller, all the while being watched by the curious Sasha whose interest is rewarded in the end when I put the now adorably tiny flower crown on her head.

While she still hasn’t shaken the thing off I manage to snap a pic which I send to Corpse who opens it mere seconds after it was delivered.

C ~ Sasha’s pulling off your aesthetic better than you. Sorry, someone had to let you know

I burst out laughing for two reasons - 1.The message itself, damn it! It’s hilarious; 2. Corpse has learnt the name of each one of my cats and never mixes them up - not even Luna and Lynn who look almost identical. That amount of attention to detail is astonishing and very meaningful to me, it genuinely warms my heart and that may or may not be dramatic but it’s definitely not exaggerated.

Me ~ You think I haven’t caught on yet?

C ~ Well, if it makes you feel any better you pull off my aesthetic better than I do

He’s referring to the e-girl look I did for one show the band had in downtown LA one night. I was drunk and looking forward to trying new things so I improvised the hell out of my outfit but I apparently looked presentable enough to leave a good impression on Corpse despite the pic I sent him being a bit blurry and being a mirror selfie in the bathroom of the very bar we were performing in. It goes without saying that the mirror was dirty too - had a bunch of writing on it which Corpse said only added to the aesthetic. Looking back on it now I kinda agree, and luckily so did the fans in the comments of that same photo when I posted it on Instagram.

Me ~ Means a lot actually. Nowhere near enough to aid the burn of having a cat pull off cottagecore better than I do, but still helps XD

As if sensing that we’re talking about her, Sasha hops on the couch, poking her head over my phone to look down at the screen.

Now this is gonna be golden.

I take a selfie with my phone in my lap, the camera capturing both me and Sasha at a rather unflattering angle which has me losing my mind laughing when I send the picture to Corpse who immediately sends back a string of cry-laughing emojis.

C ~ I can’t tell which one of you is cuter

Me ~ If that was a compliment, I gotta say I appreciate it greatly

C ~ Just telling the truth ;)

It’s times like these that the butterflies in my stomach remind me just why I’ve started catching feelings for this man despite all the distance between us and despite barely knowing him - he knows me more than I know him but I don’t mind it, oddly enough.

I’m fond of our connection and though I sometimes dream of something more, I’m also content with what we already have considering that ‘something more’ seems rather unattainable as of now.

My phone dings again, clearing the fog of thoughts and presenting me with a new message from Corpse.

C ~ Oh, by the way, look what I got....

That message is followed up by a picture of a ticket. A plane ticket to Georgia!

While I’m still busy stomaching this and dealing with my quickly rising excitement, he sends another message.

C ~ I hope to catch a The Silver Rays concert while I’m there. Heard they had an adorable frontwoman ;)

My breath catches in my throat as a wide grin spreads across my face. The thought of having Corpse so close to me sends those aforementioned butterflies in my stomach into a raving mood and they practically explode my insides with excitement and joy like I’ve never felt it before. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that we’re about to go from having an entire country between us, to being just some ways away - him in the audience and me on stage without a single clue of who to look for. That’s part of the excitement though, I guess, part of the guessing game that’s gonna make our meeting all the more interesting.

He’ll be a stranger in the crowd and I’ll be a performer on a stage - seemingly two people who have no relation whatsoever. But damn does it go beyond that: No one has to know how hard I’m falling for that stranger in the crowd.

Me ~ I’ve heard so too, can’t confirm it though

If this is gonna be a guessing game, I’ll flip the tables a bit - I won’t take any guesses. I’ll let the answer come to me. I’ll give the first move over to the stranger in the crowd, let’s see what he does.

C ~ I’ll check and let you know, don’t worry

Not worried whatsoever, Corpsie. I’m not worried at all.

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leahseclipse · 3 years

Text

Battle of knowledge

Pairing: Spencer Reid x male!reader

Summary: When a battle of knowledge abruptly occurs as the two known doctors meet at a case, everyone is partially amused by their hate towards the other, as they both differ their problems in quite a unusual way afterwards.

Warnings: Mentions of case, usual cm stuff…, slight sex allusions (rated T just in case the mentions happen to be something that’d be rated like that)

Word count: 1.7 k

A/N: Hey everyone!! I hope you guys are well!! I took this request from @imagining-in-the-margins as she didn’t want it, so here I am :) that fic is kind of dedicated to @ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff , I thought a lot about you as I wrote this fic :)! Hope everyone enjoys. (yeah the dialogue is ehhh in the first half to me, sorry for that)

When Spencer had gone all the way from Virginia to Arizona for a case that had yet to upset the rest of his team, he didn't actually expect another person to upset him as much as the authors of the crime themselves.

The other person was known as the genius of the team, another "version" of him, except that he was in Arizona, with a slightly different rank.

He didn't think badly of him at first, he appreciated the fact of having another person similar to him, which meant that he didn't have to explain the terms he'd use to someone else, he could talk without complications.

He’d usually have to pause in his lecture to explain some stuff, but he didn’t feel like he’d need to do it with him.

"Arizona's genius, y/n y/l/n. It's nice to meet you all. I heard there's another genius here. As much as I'd like to have a nice chat, killers are on the loose, so, eventually, at the end of the case."

The way he had talked was completely fascinating to him, even if he wanted to, he couldn't draw his eyes off him as he talked.

The first words had completely convinced them, and he really felt like he could have a correct interaction with him.

It wasn't everyday that he'd had the occasion to meet another mind similar to his.

This happened to be quite relieving considering the complicity of the case, and it would be much faster for everything to be answered as they'll be two.

"No, he's not that type of guy! Look at what he did, especially at the third victim!" He yelled.

"We have all reasons to think he could be like that, I didn't say it definitely is, but it could be." Spencer argued, pissed off by his words.

"The M.O you just described doesn't really fit, something is missing, and none of what you said makes it right."

"It's the closest thing we have, it's that or we completely start from scratch, as if it's "wrong" to you."

"I don't think it's only to me, and it's better to try to start again than continue with what we have and possibly launch into a wall because that wasn't right. Okay, that's going to take time, but might as well get it right."

"When I expected for the case to go smoothly, I didn't come all the way for this, since when are you so annoying?"

"Oh, now I'm annoying? I'm just doing my job, and you're the one acting offended. So," He paused, as he gathered papers before walking away. "If you excuse me, I have to catch the ones doing this, instead of wasting time. Come back to me when you're in a better mood to work correctly." Y/N said, as another coworker of his approached Spencer not long after he had left.

"Um...I doubt that'll make the situation better, but he acts like that, sometimes. It may seem that he's not going to work, but don't worry, it's mainly so he can...get himself back in the right head space." He explained. "Don't try...get pissed off at each other too often, none of our unit chiefs will be happy with that."

"He could have been less...like that."

"It's just y/l/n being himself, 'can't do much about it. Anyway, let's get back to work, and try to get better you two, at least till we wrap the case."

"Trouble's around." Derek chirped to JJ.

"This case is going to be...fun. Let's hope we at least get to have a distraction."

"Oh, don't worry JJ, we'll have one. They're not done fighting. Definitely not."

"Do you think they're gonna make up and become friends, or yell at each other until the end?" Emily asked.

"A mix of the two. They'll kinda hate each other, but not enough to resist having a conversation between geniuses." Garcia answered.

"True. It's not every day that the both of them get to talk with someone that understands their stuff." Derek pointed out.

"Let's hope that we'll get to see some animation in between work."

"Are you here to yell again or try to have a calm conversation?" Y/N asked, as soon as Spencer entered.

"I don't get why you're directly attacking before I get to say anything." Spencer protested.

"Just in case."

"Okay, do you have something against me or what? Because I can't work if you keep being angry all of the time."

"I'm not angry." He answered.

"Then I'm a clown if I can't even read your face. It's written on your forehead that you are, you're literally an open book." Spencer closed the door, having a slight feeling that the conversation would possibly get louder.

"I thought you weren't supposed to profile the people you work with, no? I'm not your coworker, but we're working on this case together, so don't profile me unless I ask, which will never happen."

"I don't get you."

"What is there even to understand? You're the one I don't get."

"It's you that I can't figure out. I just can't stand you right now."

"Unfortunately, I'm afraid you'll have to calm your nerves till we finish that case. Because I'm not wasting twenty minutes explaining what is there to "understand" about me." He spit back, glancing at Spencer.

"I can't keep talking with you if you act like that."

"I'm not a cute puppy in case you haven't figured that out. I'm not going to be nice just for you, especially when you point out that I'm not how you like to be talked."

"I didn't specify anything."

"Didn't you, doctor?" He focused on the last word, raising his eyebrows.

"Damn it." Spencer walked up to him in a snap, glancing at him for a split second before suddenly taking in his face in his hands as he roughly kissed him.

Not even one of them expected that it'd just take a single argument to let the pressure out.

They were just kissing each other, like that. Spencer was the one who started it, not even wondering if he'd return it or walk away, but turns out that y/n had been the one to take the lead after that, as he gripped his hair, slamming him against the wall.

Nothing really mattered in that moment, they didn't even think about the others possibly walking in, all they both needed to do was to let out of all the frustration contained since this morning.

It wasn't quite only anger, but also because they had both wanted each other, in their own way.

As much as Y/N was afraid to admit it, he did imagine it, slamming him against the wall, even if he wouldn't be strong or even courageous enough to do that.

Spencer did imagine gripping his jaw, especially after he walked out in fury, he was so upset about him that all he wanted was to kiss him to let him know what he felt.

He didn't want to admit it, but he hated it whenever someone raised his voice at him, he needed to do that to calm himself, in some way.

If they weren't in some police station, their shirts would have already been on the floor, the layers of clothes between them were more than infuriating as they tugged at the other's shirt.

And even when they stopped for a moment to breathe again, it didn't take much for their lips to link again after a short glance.

Spencer quickly flipped y/n the other way so he'd be the one against the wall, and to his surprise, his face quickly gained another tint.

He caged him in with one arm against the wall, gripping his chin with the other, as y/n tugged at his hair again, not knowing where else to put them.

Things went fast so quickly, they didn't even think about what they'd do, they just went with the flow.

What they forgot to think and pay attention about, was that they weren't alone in the place.

Literally all of the people working at the station were there, and could possibly start to look for them.

They really didn't care about it, none of them broke the kiss to point it out, it was just four walls, them, and their mixed feelings.

"I still can't stand you." Spencer said in between when they briefly broke the kiss.

"Me neither." He blurted out.

As one of them probably guessed at some point, their inattention cost them when they didn't even hear the lock of the door over their breaths.

"Hey, we found…" JJ walked in, stopping in the middle of the sentence.

The door kept itself open, as the noise of the outside drew in, causing them to break away as both of their eyes were wide open.

Spencer's hair was a mess, strands going everywhere, which would need to be at least fixed with his hand for him to be presentable.

Only the back of y/n's hair was messed up as he was against the wall most of the time.

Both of their shirts had a few buttons out, although, y/n's was the closest to being on the floor if someone hadn't come.

By the time they had begun slowly walking away from the other, she had definitely just seen them making out.

"...something." She ended the sentence, not quite knowing what to say after witnessing the event.

"Oh, uh...we'll uh...meet you in just a sec." Spencer said.

"Right. Okay." JJ responded, closing the door in a hurry.

"I hate to say this to you, but I think we're screwed." Y/N pointed out once she was gone.

"They'll definitely be able to tell from the look on her face and ours when we'll get out."

"Yeah, we should have…done it elsewhere."

"It's a bit late for that."

"You're the one who started, you should have at least chosen another place genius."

"I have to admit it but, true."

"They'll definitely figure out you're the one who started, you basically entered after me."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't. You just don't like me." He corrected Spencer, as he opened the door to walk out, walking out of the room.

It didn't take much for some of their coworkers's eyes to lay on them as they entered their vision.

Spencer discreetly approached y/n after Hotch began talking, making sure the attention was elsewhere.

"I'm going to show you how much I 'just don't like you' when we're out of here, you're gonna see."

"Deal."

#Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #Criminal Minds Spencer Reid #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #cm fic #cm spencer reid #spencer reid #dr. spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #Spencer Reid fic #matthew gray gubler fic #cm male reader #spencer reid x male reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #male reader

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nikki152006 · 3 years

Text

My Man - Shouta Aizawa X Reader (~1~)

You walked into the large gates of U.A., which had hardly changed since when you had last been here, in your third year as a student. You could still remember yourself running out of the gates with Shirakumo when the school ended, while Aizawa and Hizashi caught up from behind, running and shouting, carrying your school bags which you both had thrown at them.

You walked over to the teacher's lounge, for the very first day as a teacher at U.A. High, hoping you'd meet your best friends as soon as possible. You had missed them terribly, all of them, for the last ten years you were in America, for your mother's cancer treatment.

You sighed as you slowly opened the door to the teacher's lounge and walked in slowly.

"Ah." All Might's skinny figure said, "(L/N), you're here." Since the Kamino ward incident, when you saw the interview of the U.A. staff as well as the fight between the weird villain and All Might, All Might's true form had been revealed to the whole world.

"This is the new teacher I was telling you abou-" All Might said, but halted his speech as someone pulled you into a large bear hug.

"(NAME)!!" Hizashi shouted, "You're back." A wide grin made it's way to your face. "Hizashi!" you said, hugging him tighter. After a few moments of hugging, he let you go, only to start bragging and telling the others about all the stuff you used to do at U.A. together and how you used to be best of friends with him and Aizawa.

'Shouta,' you thought, remembering the guy you had loved all your U.A. years, 'Where is that brat?' Your eyes skimmed through the people but he wasn't there. Your lips tightened as you inhaled deeply and glanced around the room, and thankfully, you found him leaned against a wall in one corner of the room with a conflicted look on his face.

"Shouta!" you said, happily, running over to him and pulling him into a big tight hug. He didn't hug you back. "You brat," you said, as an odd sense of disappointment feel over you, "do you have any idea how much I missed you guys. Idiot."

"Y-Yeah, yeah." Aizawa said, pulling away from the hug and looking away. "I-Is there something wrong?" you asked him, taken aback by his actions. Aizawa shook his head in denial and turned to look at you again, but with the same gaze he had for you back when you were students. You smiled widely at him and playfully punched him. "Tsundere." you said, making him groan and look away.

"So, what do I do today?" you asked the rest of the teachers, who then handed you your teaching schedule while Aizawa and Hizashi left for their homeroom classes after giving you sad looks and you telling them to some to you in the lunch break.

_____________________________________________________________

"How were the classes?" Hizashi asked you, as you sat over with him, Aizawa and Nemuri Kayama (Midnight) for lunch. "Pretty good actually." you said, "It was class 1C and 1B today and the kids are pretty good."

"Oh, you haven't seen Shouta's class yet!" Hizashi said. You grinned and turned to Aizawa. "You gonna introduce me to your class or not?" you asked. "No." Aizawa said, blandly, "Don't even let them have an idea that you're related to me."

You and Hizashi laughed. Aizawa hadn't changed much, he was still the biggest tsundere you had ever seen.

"Who do you think was the most promising student in class 1B, (L/N)?" Kayama asked. "Please call me (Name)," you said, "And I think there were a few. That dork Monomoa is pretty good but he's kinda a brat and Kendo and Juzo were pretty good."

"Call me Nemuri too!" Kayama chirped. "And what about 1C though?"

"Some kid called Shinsou, looked as half-dead as Aizawa." you said, shrugging. "Oh," Nemuri said, "Looks like your son's got the lead, Aizawa."

You choked on your drink. "AIZAWA HAS A SON!?" you asked, sounding shocked from the outside, but your heart tearing apart from the inside.

"Not biological, he's adopted." Hizashi said, chuckling and patting your back. You stared at Aizawa who had his head turned away. "Wait," you said, "What exactly happened?"

Hizashi explained how Aizawa was now the legal guardian of Shinsou and how with a lot of requesting, Aizawa had finally, legally adopted Shinsou.

"God.." you whispered out, " and I thought he managed to get married." Hizashi began laughing again, remembering your and Shirakumo's old joke about Aizawa not being able to get married since he'd doze off during the wedding.

"Stop it." Aizawa groaned. "(Name), you have a class in 1A after the break." You grinned widely at him, "Now that's the spirit!" you said, patting him hard on the back, making him choke on his food, "Be the good boy."

"What the hell." Aizawa growled, looking away. "Aww..." you said, "Looks like our...uh." you said, glancing at Nemuri while Hizashi began laughing out lous realizing what you were gonna say, "Looks like our...sweet father's blushing."

Nemuri began laughing out loud for some reason. "I've never seen someone handle Aizawa like that before! He's actually blushing" she shrieked amidst her laughter. You chuckled, punching the back of Aizawa's head softly. He had never complained when you did stuff like this.

"God, (Name)," Aizawa groaned, "Grow up already, will ya?"

"I can't when you're still the whiny baby boy~" you taunted with a sadist grin. Aizawa groaned again, massaging his temples, while Hizashi smiled the widest he had in these last few years, his eyes going moistly. He had missed all this so much.

The bell rang. "To class." Aizawa said, sighing. "You won't enter until I tell you to." he said, taking the lead and walking inside the classroom.

You waited outside while Aizawa took his time talking to his class about something. "Why are you outside here?" Hizashi's voice came from behind you. "Because Shouta asked me to wait." you said, shrugging and sighing.

"Wanna go in already then?" Hizashi said with a mischievous grin, knowing exactly how much it'd piss Aizawa off. You grinned and nodded back.

You both burst into the classroom, drawing everyone's attention. "HEYA LITTLE KIDS!" Hizashi shouted loudly making you wince due to his high pitch.

"What the hell?" Aizawa growled. You flashed him with a grin similar to his signature sadist smile. "I WANNA INTRODUCE YOU TO YOUR A NEW TEACHER, (NAME) (L/N)!" Hizashi shouted. You waved out to the kids you recognized from the sports festival.

"PLUS SHE'S VEry close to your sensei and me!" Hizashi said, while Aizawa used his quirk to cut out his voice amplification mid sentence.

Something wrapped around your neck and you and Hizashi were pulled forward by Aizawa's special capturing weapons only to be faced by an angry faced, glowy eyed, hair standing up-ed Aizawa who growled, "Get out, both of you."

"Aizawa sensei, is that your daughter?" a girl with long green hair asked.

"Pfffftttt..." you and Hizashi clasped your hands on your mouth to avoid laughing out loud but it didn't work. It couldn't with what she had said. You both burst out in uncontrollable laughter while Aizawa groaned loudly and turned to the girl with a death glare.

"O-Only because she's got a black costume like yours and Present Mic sensei said she was close to you!" the girl blurted out hurriedly.

"Shut up or you'll regret it." Aizawa growled, making you and Hizashi, who were almost lying down on the floor clasp your hands to your mouth to stop laughing. If Aizawa got angry, he was deadly and you both knew better than to get him that way.

"Like I said," Aizawa said, "Principal Nezu has decided to let Shinsou into the class, and beside that, the new teacher will be assisting in today's battle training.

_____________________________________________________________

You cracked your knuckles and neck and plopped onto the couch in the teachers' dorm's common area. It was still just your first day and Aizawa had made sure to burden you with two piles of test papers to correct.

"You're a monster, you know." you told Aizawa, after Nemuri left you alone with your two best friends. It was pretty late already and everyone had left for their rooms. Aizawa flashed you his sadistic grin, and you flipped him off.

You finally walked over to your desk which was right beside his and started correcting the papers. "Coffee, anyone?" Hizashi called out as he got up from his seat. "Me." you groaned, circling out the dumbest mistake you had ever seen. "Get me one too." Aizawa said, and Hizashi walked off, towards the cafeteria downstairs.

There was some silence as you quietly corrected papers, glancing at Aizawa after every few seconds. Aizawa's eyebrows furrowed as he marked a paper and used his left hand to slowly rub his chin. 'Sexy.' you thought, blushing and turning away to your own papers. You corrected another one effortlessly, which was almost completely correct.

You looked back up at Aizawa who was holding out two papers, as though comparing them. He let out a 'tch' and scribbled something on both the papers and sighed, picking up the next one. "You want something?" he said, suddenly, making you jolt and look back at your papers.

Aizawa turned to look at you, wondering why you'd been glancing at him. "(Name)?" he said again, when you didn't reply.

"W-What did you write on those papers?" you blurted out, and thankfully, he seemed convinced that this was exactly what you were wondering.

"Ashido and Kaminari." he said, "Students in my class looks like they've copied each other's answers." You nodded and looked away. You exhaled out deeply, feeling all the feelings you had for him during your school years, which had still remained over this time, light up again.

"Shouta~" you breathed out subconsciously, thinking about how you and Shirakumo used to say embarrassing things to him during your school years to cause him to fluster up or look away, embarrassed, and Shirakumo and Hizashi always amplified it tenfold by passing embarrassing and sometimes even lewd comments to fluster him even more.

"Hm?" Shouta asked, making you jolt. You didn't reply, but instead, froze as deer infront of headlights. "You need something?" he asked. You didn't reply.

"(Name)?" he said, looking up from his papers to see you frozen, your eyes fixed on the desk. "Hey." he said, but you didn't reply. A million thoughts were running through your mind, half of how sexy he sounded, and half of what excuse you should make for your accidentally blurting out his name in your thoughts.

You felt a hand on your shoulder and jolted hard, falling off the chair.

"What the hell, (Name)," Aizawa said, getting off his chair hurriedly and crouching beside you, "What's wrong with you?"

You turned to him, biting your lower lip, unable to understand whether it was the fact that Hizashi had left you both alone or that he was crouched above you that was making you want to pull him and kiss him roughly.

"Are you okay?" he asked. You looked away and nodded, composing yourself and getting up. "Where were you lost?" he asked. You let out an awkward chuckle. "I was......correcting the papers!" you said, even more awkwardly.

Aizawa raised a brow at you, but turned around when the door of the teacher's dormhouse opened.

"Dad." Shinsou said, stepping in, but halting when his eyes fell on you. "Why aren't you in your dormroom?" Aizawa asked him, as you took the chance to compose yourself and sit down on the chair.

"I...needed to talk..." Shinsou said, awkwardly, "I'm...not disturbing something...am I?"

You felt heat rise to your cheeks. 'I wish you were.' you thought, as Aizawa replied with a quick "No" and walked over to him. They both talked to each other silently for some time before Shinsou left and Aizawa came back to sit beside you.

"Now," Aizawa said, turning his chair towards you and sitting down with a concern clearly visible in his eyes, "What happened? Is there something wrong? You never used to zone out."

You stared deep into his eyes, feeling a hot bubbly feeling in your heart. Shouta Aizawa, you'd liked him from your first year in U.A. and had always been a good friend of him and the other two boys, until the third year, when your friendship grew to get stronger and stronger, so strong that you four were almost inseparable, well, that was until Shirakumo died during his work studies, leaving the three of you heartbroken.

"I've...had some things on mind these past years." you said, after a sigh. You knew you had always been close to Aizawa, you and Shirokumo had taunted and annoyed him in tons, but he never complained since he loved you both. You hoped his feelings towards you were romantic but knew that he wouldn't understand until he was confessed to directly.

"Yeah?" he asked, patiently. You inhaled deeply, preparing yourself for confessing your feelings to him.

"I...." you said, as alot of heat rushed through your body, making you sweat slightly and rapidly increasing your heartbeat. "Y-You...I..." Aizawa sighed and got up, dragging you along to the couch and plopped down, pulling you beside him.

"Relax." he said, "Just say it."

"Y-You're ...cute?" you mumbled, nervously. Aizawa stared at you in disbelief. "I'm being serious. Don't joke around with me, (Name), what's wrong?"

You tapped your foot on the floor, thinking of the right way to say it but knew that you'd have to say it straight.

"Mm...Sh-Shouta.." you said, turning to him with trembling lips. Aizawa's gaze never left yours, as his hand made it's way to your head, slowly ruffling your head. "What's wrong?" he asked, his voice the softest you had ever heard.

You inhaled deeply, leaning forward onto him. "(N-Name)?" he said, leaning a little back, unsure of what you were doing. You climbed onto him and stared at him dead in the eye. "Shouta, I.." you said, about to say the words 'love you' but your brain did a backflip and you blurted out, "N-Need to tell you something." instead.

Aizawa stared at you, with creased eyebrows, unable to understand what was wrong with you and why you were almost climbed onto his lap. The thought made heat rise to his cheeks. He just hoped you didn't make it all more difficult for him.

You inhaled deeply bit your lower lip. 'I've got to say this.' you thought and said, "Shouta, I...listen, I don't know whether you feel the same way but I've....I've always..liked you..you know..romantically. Ever since our first year in U.A., I began developing these feelings...and stuff...I-It's no problem if you don't feel the same way but...we'll always be friends and that'll be enough for me. Shouta, I love you."

Aizawa's eyes widened and he winced hard, as though regretting something. You suddenly became aware of the several tears flowing down your cheeks.

"Dammit." Aizawa growled and pushed you off of him so hard that you fell on the ground. "Are you crazy!?" he shouted, turning around and rubbing his temples. "Are you fucking crazy!?"

"Sh-Shouta?" you mumbled, out, the tears in your eyes increasing and blurring out your vision. You crawled over to his crouched figure who was rubbing his temples. "Sh-Shouta...I-I'm sorry.." you mumbled, placing a hand on your back, which he swatted away immediately.

"Sh-Shouta..." you said, your voice turning into a whisper, as your tears drenched your cheeks. "Aizawa." he snarled, "You fucking call me Aizawa." Your heart dropped.

"B-But we're best friends, right?" you asked, in a scared, uncertain tone. "I don't think so." Aizawa growled, "I'd very much like you to fuck off."

Your heart broke.

You had never confessed to him in school because you had valued your friendship too much and weren't very ready for relationships then, but now, that you'd been so sure that he would have missed you, and thought that it was the right time to let him know, it hurt, it hurt so much.

"GO AWAY!" Aizawa shouted, making you flinch and jolt away. You got up, tears flowing over your wet cheeks, your body trembling and ran outside. You ran away outside the building and over into the forest-like grove of trees. It hurt, it hurt so much that you wanted to scream and cry madly.

"(Name)?" Hizashi's voice called you out from some distance away. You tried to silent your sniffs and sobs while you cuddled up with yourself under the large tree you were sitting under. It was evening already and the air was getting chilly.

"God." Hizashi said, jogging upto you, "I've been finding you for over an hour now." he said. You let out a hitched exhale, regretting not being quiet enough to avoid him finding you.

"C'mon." he said, pulling you up to stand with him, "Let's go. I need to tell you something." You, not being in the condition to respond or resist, just allowed him to take you wherever he was dragging you along. Hizashi walked outside the large tree grove, and took you over to a tree beside one of the gyms.

"Sit down, I need to tell you something." he repeated. You quietly sat down, still sobbing. Hizashi scanned you sadly, seeing your messy haris, sticking you your dirty, wet cheeks and your trembling body. He sighed and put his coat over you.

"I heard it all." he told you, crouching in front of you and ruffling your hair. "The reason why Shouta reacted like that was not that he didn't like you, (Name)."

_____________________________________________________________

Aizawa walked out of the teacher's dormhouse, his heart aching badly. He wanted to forget it, he wanted to forget you confessing to him but he couldn't. He wanted you to stop having those feelings for him but he knew you wouldn't. He sighed, rubbing his throbbing chest before turning towards the gyms, hoping to distract his mind. He couldn't bear the guilt of liking you anymore. It just hurt.

He walked over to gym beta, but what he saw made his heart clench tight. You were sitting against a tree, your hair messy and sticking to your dirty cheeks while your body trembled under Hizashi's jacket. Aizawa clenched his hand to stop his urge of consoling you. Your confession repeated in his mind.

It was taking alot to control his feelings, but Aizawa wasn't going to let him take over what was meant for Shirakumo. 'He wouldn't have wanted this, he would never have wanted her to cry like this.' a voice in the back of his head said and before he could even realize it, Aizawa had used his binding weapon to move over the gym and secretly jump onto the tree you both were sitting under.

"The reason why Shouta reacted like that was not that he didn't like you, (Name)." Hizashi said. Aizawa's eyes widened. 'H-He...He doesn't know...does he?' he thought, glancing down at Hizashi who was slowly rubbing your back as you lied against him, looking up at him with puffy eyes.

"Aizawa did that because....Shirakumo....he...he had the biggest crush on you." Your eyes widened, along with Aizawa's.

"It was our first year." Hizashi said, "After the sports festival, Shirakumo started to find you really interesting and he talked alot about you to us. By the end of the first year, you were a sort of good friend to us already, and that's when he told us that he had a crush on you. By the start of the second year, me and Shouta would sometimes tease him about you and stuff and we began to talk to you more and more. We all got closer and became besties, but by the end of the second year, Shirakumo told me something I hadn't ever realized before."

You looked at him with widened eyes. You had never known any of this. You had never know that Shirakumo had a crush on you.

"Shirakumo told me that you had feelings for Shouta." Hizashi said, " I was shocked and kind of sad for him but he was happy, really happy. When I asked him why he was happy, he told me that he realized in the beginning of the second year that Shouta had feelings for you, which he hid from all of us because he didn't want to intrude between you guys. Yeah, Shouta too, had a crush on you in school but he hid his feeling because he didn't want Shirakumo to feel bad about it."

Aizawa's eyes widened. He hadn't ever known that Shirakumo had known about his crush on you and despite his best efforts in hiding it, he failed to do so.

"Shirakumo told me that day, that you were perfect, not for him, but for Shouta, and that every little outing he had planned that year, and every little joke he made alongside you, about how Shouta got tired, or how he dozed off, everything was just so that you both could get closer. (Name), Shirakumo did have a crush on you initially because he liked you alot, but he wanted you and Shouto to be together."

Aizawa inhaled shallowly, feeling tears in his eyes. He had never known that the person for whom he had been hiding his feelings for you was actually trying to set him up with you, despite having the biggest crush on you.

"Remember the time when we went to the amusement part and you and Shirakumo ended up making Shouta so embarrassed that he hid his face in his jacket and ran away?"

You nodded. Aizawa breathed out, shallowly, remembering the day.

"Hey Shouta," Shirakumo said, "It's just ice cream. You're eating it like some five-year old eats broccoli." You began giggling, drawing Shirakumo's attention, while Aizawa felt his lips twitch into a small smile. He loved it when you laughed. Aizawa immediately composed himself, hiding his smile.

"(Name)! (Name)!" Shirakumo said, "Okay, I got an idea." You, Aizawa and Hizashi turned to him, while still licking all your ice creams.

"How about you give us some advice?" he said. "What sort of advice?" you asked. Shirakumo smirked.

"I bet all of us boys might have some crush or the other, right?" he said, leaning over onto Aizawa's shoulders. "Just tell us from the point of view of any other girl, what we look like." Aizawa froze, gulping hoping that Shirakumo wouldn't have found out about his crush on you.

"What you look like?" you asked. Shirakumo nodded, "Like Hizashi looks like the bright, loud and always cheery sort of person to any other girl, uh...like...what do you think girls see us as?"

"Oh...Ok, lets see...Hizashi as the loud and always cheery guy." you said, "You like...hmmm..the attractive and charismatic guy which every girl would want. Actually some girls do call you 'husband material' behind your back." you told Shirakumo.

"And what about Shouta?" he asked. You turned to Shouta who was glancing at Shirakumo with a worried gaze.

"Hmm.. to me he's like the cute supportive family guy who's a big tsundere on the outside. No, wait, you know what, this isn't about my choice, so, Shouta looks like the sexy tsundere guy who the girl'd call daddy or some shit like that." you said, with a wide grin. Shirakumo grinned and placed his elbow on your shoulder. "I wonder," he said, "I wonder who all thinks about him that way. Shouta, you've sure got some sexiness into you, huh."

Aizawa groaned and looked away.

"He'd get many options for wives," you said, with an evil smirk, "Only if he didn't doze of mid-wedding." you and Shirakumo said in unison laughing, making Aizawa groan and tell you to "Stop it already."

"AW." Shirakumo said, "Look, our sugar daddy's blushing." Aizawa exhaled out deeply in annoyance. "C'mon, sugar daddy." you said, as you and Hizashi laughed, "Don't be angry with us~" Aizawa choked on the large bite of ice cream he had taken on hearing what you said and glanced away blushing awfully.

You began laughing out loud. "Nah.." you said, "He's like a blushing little kitten." Shirakumo laughed out loud, "Damn, if I was gay I'd be totally onto him. "

"Me too...wait, I don't even need to be gay to like him.." you said, and then lightly punched Aizawa on the shoulder, "What d'ya say Shouta~"

You and Shirakumo burst into laughter as Shouto covered his face with his jacket and hurried away.

"That day, the main reason Shirakumo wanted you to tell us what you thought other girls would see us as was because he wanted Shouta to know what you felt about him. " You wiped your tears, which were no longer because of Shouta, but because of Shirakumo. 'That brat.' you thought shakily.

"You know, the day when he....died.." Hizaki croaked out, wiping his own tears, "Me and Shirakumo had made a whole plan that morning, of how we were gonna make you and Shouta go for the end of year school prom together. We even planned to tell Shouta that Shirakumo didn't like you romantically anymore since he wasn't making a move on you."

Aizawa wiped his wet cheeks as he sat silently on the branch, listening to everything.

"Even today, Shouta thinks that you and Shirakumo liked each other, well, not anymore since you just confessed to him, but...he wouldn't do anything, even if he still had feelings for you, because he didn't know the truth. He still feels guilty for liking you. Getting you both together was the only thing Shirakumo wanted that morning and then later, he died and you left the school shortly after that. Me and Shouta never even got to say goodbye."

You let in a shaky breath. "(Name), you leaving made Shouta confirm your feelings towards Shirakumo, and I'm not really sure whether Shouta still likes you or not, since he never once talked about you all these years, but I think it's time for me to tell him-" Hizashi's speech halted as he rested his head back on the tree, only to stare right into Aizawa's teary gaze from in the tree.

Hizashi sighed as he smiled sadly at Shouta who just bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. Hizashi turned to you. "I wish..." you said, tears still falling from your widened eyes, "I wish I hadn't taken a leave then. I-I could have saved him."

"It's okay, (Name)," Hizashi said, "You couldn't have, it just happened, it okay."

"I-If I wasn't sulking so much over my father's death and would've just gone to attend my work studies that day, I could have saved him!" you croaked out loud, shaking miserably. Hizashi pulled you into his arms and craddled you, his face bearing a shocked expression.

"What!? W-Why didn't you ever tell us?" he asked. "Why didn't you ever tell us about him dying. It's not your fault, (Name), it's not, trust me. I-Is that why you left?"

You nodded while sobbing into Hizashi's shoulder. "M-My mother had can-cer." you croaked out, "Sh-She needed to be taken to A-America and dad had died and..."

"It's okay." Hizashi said, "No worries, it's all okay. Everything's fine now. You're mom's okay...r-right?"

"She died a month ago." you croaked. Hizashi hugged you harder, glancing up at Aizawa who was hardly visible in the now spreading darkness.

"Let's go back in, it's cold here. We'll talk about it later, okay. You're back, I'm here, everything will be fine, I promise."

___________________________________________________________

There's a part two which was really fun to write.

Check that out too :)

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intergalacticwanderer · 3 years

Text

It happened faster than any of them could react.

Overall, things had been going well. The sea monsters were on their last legs, they had the numbers with all of the Mighty Nein present, and it was only a matter of time before they’d come out on the other side. But in combat mere seconds can make all of the difference and one monster slipped through at just the wrong place and time, burying its claws into Kingsley’s back.

He swore, blood bursting from his neck and the monster’s eyes bleeding black, but it wasn't enough, the monster digging the claws in deeper and dragging him off of the ship, two of them going over the rail and into the ocean. He heard someone screaming his name, muffled through the water - and then the claws found his throat, and he didn't hear anything at all.

But something else started to happen.

He didn't know where he was. He knew, at the very least, that he wasn't in the ocean, his surroundings too indistinct and no longer able to feel the water around him. But even with being able to tell where he wasn’t, that still didn’t tell him anything about where he was. In fact, the only source of light Kingsley could see was - himself?

He looked down, startled, and saw that his own form seemed to be made of softly glowing light, a strange in between of tangible and intangible, floating in place. He... he didn’t understand. What was this? Kingsley raised a hand, both confused and awed at the sight.

The fingers began to disintegrate right in front of him.

He recoiled at the sight and the hand - HIS hand - broke apart even further, the once distinct outline now breaking into individual motes of light that slowly drifted away. He scrabbled with his other hand, as if to try and staunch a bleeding wound, but all that did was scatter the remaining bit of light from the hand even faster and he yanked his arm back. To his horror it was happening on other parts of his body as well, chunks carving out and being eaten away, motes continuing to drift, like paper burning into embers, or scattering sea foam, or or or - It felt like he should be hyperventilating. Was he hyperventilating? There wasn’t any sound, he couldn’t tell, could he even-?

Kingsley tried to hold on to his thoughts but they began to disintegrate too, and that realization, the fact that he could feel that happening, sent a bolt of terror through him even greater than the sight of what was happening to his body. He twisted in place, panic rising higher and higher as his body continued to disintegrate, looking for something, anything around him, but. Nothing.

The remaining parts of his legs and tail separated from his torso, stomach now gone, and while it felt like there should have been sound it continued to be completely silent, his thoughts reeling and disoriented as the parts spun away, quickly dissolving and scattering. What was- he couldn’t- who-

Further light scattered and so did his memories. His thoughts. His name. He drifted, motes rising up from near his eyes. Something from eyes. Tears? He didn’t know. Couldn't know. He was small, getting smaller, too small, no stop pleasenoPLEASESTOPNOPLEASE-

Sensation and clarity of thought slammed into him.

Kingsley (Kingsley!) gasped in a breath of air, coughing and shuddering. He was cold. Wet. Someone was holding him, cradling him between arms, one under his shoulders, the other under his knees, and his tail was dangling, limp. He blinked open his eyes. Two faces were directly above him, and there were glimpses of others in his peripheral, just out of direct sight but hovering close. The first face he could see was Fjord, wet hair clinging to his face and breathing heavily. He... he was the one holding him, wasn’t he. The second was Jester, shaking hands hovering over his chest and a faint shimmer fading from the air. He met her eyes.

“Jester...?”

A sharp inhale, and then a laugh, which turned into a heavy, wracking sob, and Jester buried her face into his chest and continued to cry. Others poured in then, crowding close with words of worry and comfort, but Kingsley barely heard them, still too stunned and numb from all that had just happened, and he didn’t react at all.

***

Over the next few days, Kingsley found himself in the company of at least one other member of the Mighty Nein at all times.

Fjord asked him for more advice and assistance around the ship. Jester sought him out even more than normal to ask about drawings, or tattoo ideas, or ship gossip. Caduceus invited him meditate. Caleb and Essek just happened to read their books nearby. Beau dragged him along to sparring practice, his complaints that he didn't even fight hand to hand normally falling on deaf ears. Yasha ended up clinging to him during sleep (though, in that case, he had been the one to initiate at least half of those). And Veth - well, he was pretty sure Veth was just straight up spying on him, but he didn't really begrudge her that.

Usually, Kingsley would have found the hovering his friends were doing to be suffocating, but this time? He sought their company right back, determined to not be alone.

There was no way around it - he had died. Full stop. That would have been bad enough on it's own but of course he had an... interesting relationship with death and revival, and it didn’t escape him that Jester had only started crying once he’d said her name. Like she’d been waiting to hear what his first word would be.

Wondering if that word was going to be “empty.”

He couldn’t tell if that made him feel better or worse. Better because they obviously cared about him, wanted him to be okay and to be the one to come back. Worse, because, well. Last time he’d been the one to come back saying empty. And they had to have gotten that fear from somewhere.

He sighed, pulling the blanket around his shoulders closer as he sat on the deck, watching the bright light of Catha above in the sky. Everyone was out on the deck at that moment, quietly talking after a late night meal and Caleb's dancing lights softly illuminating things along with the moonlight.

The main thing eating at him was the time in between falling into the ocean and the revivify spell, and he shuddered involuntarily at his mind’s word choice. He still didn't understand what that had been, but whatever it was it’d been terrifying, too strange to fall under normal experience and too vivid to “just” be a strange dream. The closest thing he had... his fingers tightened on his blanket. His reoccurring dream- nightmare- memory. Fighting in Cognouza, fighting back against Lucien, breaking free. Drifting away with hundreds of other lights. Drifting...

“Can I ask you all a question?”

Eight other heads turned to him, conversations stopping, and he had to fight to not shrink away. He was the one who’d asked.

“Kind of a morbid one but, wondering about who else has died here. You all know a lot more than me right now.”

He knew of a few past deaths. Glory Run Road. Those in... Cognouza. He wasn’t particularly fond of thinking about any of those from his perspective, however. Better to hear stories from others.

Several of them glanced between each other. Essek was the first to speak up.

“Personally, I have been lucky enough to not require any resurrection magic, and I hope it will remain that way in the future. I believe the same is true for Beauregard?”

Beau nodded. “Yeah. It’s gotten close a couple times but I’ve never actually died. Still kinda shocked at that, honestly.”

“I think I’ve died in a dream? Or maybe it was a vision...?” Yasha said, and when she got multiple confused looks she shrugged. “It was a trial from the Stormlord? I’m not really sure if it counts.”

“Let’s call it an in between,” Kingsley said.

“There’s the time I drowned and came back as a goblin,” Veth said quietly and the mood immediately dropped. She took a long drink from her cup. “And I guess there was also that time in the Happy Fun Ball.”

“Which is why we always check for traps,” Caleb said, giving her a pointed look.

Veth waved a hand in the air. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“Checking blast radius is also important,” Caduceus said, sipping on his cup of tea. “I was too close to an exploding crossbow bolt once,” Caduceus said matter of fact, and Kingsley was gobsmacked at how serene Caduceus was at having literally been blown up. Then again, it was Caduceus, so he shouldn't be that surprised.

Veth bristled. “Hey!”

“Not assigning any blame, just stating what happened,” Caduceus said and he took another sip.

Three people left, and he already knew what the answer could be from two of them. Jester met his eyes and he gave her a little nod. He was okay with them talking about it.

“The only one I’ve had was when we were fighting Lucien,” Jester said, hands resting in her lap. “It happened really fast, but Caduceus got me back up, and Fjord protected both of us. It was still pretty scary, though.”

“I also went down to Lucien, but later in the fight,” Caleb said. Essek looked particularly miserable at the reminder and Caleb gave him a squeeze on the shoulder. “But the Mighty Nein does not leave anyone behind, so I was okay. And the same is true for you,” Caleb said, giving Kingsley a meaningful look and a nod.

Kingsley nodded back, relieved both at the reassurance and the reminder that they never considered him to be the same as Lucien. Sometimes that was enough against the images of them lifeless below him.

(Sometimes.)

Fjord was the last one left, and he downed the rest of his drink before looking Kingsley directly in the eye.

“I died the first time we were attacked by Uk’otoa’s minions.”

Kingsley gave a start. “Wait, really?”

Fjord nodded. “Really.”

“But- that doesn't make sense.” Fjord was the captain and Uk’otoa attacks, those were just- they were just a thing. An annoying and very dangerous thing, sure, but what had happened to him, that was his fault, he hadn't been careful enough, or-

“Kingsley.”

Fjord still held his gaze, not looking away. “What happened the other day is not your fault. If anything, it’s mine.”

“It totally is,” Veth added in and Fjord sighed.

“Regardless, don't blame yourself. I died to just the same thing and it can happen to any of us. And taking care of this problem is why we’re all on the ship right now anyway.”

“Cheers to that,” Beau said, raising her cup in a toast. “I’ve had enough murder fish for my lifetime.”

There was murmured agreement around the group, several others draining their cups and Kingsley staring at the bottom of his when he finished. So that was six. Two thirds of the Mighty Nein had died at least once, himself included, and Fjord even had a similar cause of death to this last time. Definitely not alone. And yet...

“Do you remember anything? From when you died?”

He didn't look up from his cup but he could just imagine the amount of eyes that would be staring at him right now. Whatever, it was already out there.

“A little,” Fjord said. “Mostly just that it was cold, and feeling scared, but...” Fjord’s voice softened and Kingsley looked over at the change in tone. “I also feel like the Wildmother would have been there to catch me. And that’s comforting in its own way.”

Kingsley nodded, mind going back to the scent of a warm sea breeze. Even though he wasn't a follower himself he knew of the comfort that Fjord spoke of.

Which just made him feel even more miserable in that moment.

“So... nothing else? No kind of visions or anything?” No disintegrating and losing everything while completely alone? His voice cracked a little, no longer able to hide his anxiety.

“Nothing in particular.” Fjord frowned. “...are you alright, Kingsley?”

“... not really, no.” He was too worn out to lie at this point and he hunched over, pulling his blanket even tighter.

“Is that what happened to you Kingsley? A vision?” Jester asked.

“Yes? Maybe? I don’t know, vision isn't quite right, but- I don't know.”

“Well, how would you describe it?”

An involuntary shiver ran up his spine. “An experience, I guess? But not a good one, and if anyone ever tried to sell me that kind of ‘experience’ I’d straight up stab them.”

Kingsley went to take a drink before remembering he’d already finished his and he scowled at his empty cup. Caduceus passed over another one without a word and Kingsley murmured a small thanks, taking a long drink to wet his suddenly dry throat.

“I was made out of light or something like that? But-” His throat closed up and he had to loudly clear it to keep going. “I started to disappear. Like I was just a bunch of dandelion fluff and-” he mimed an explosion with his fingers- “poof. Just blowing away. And it wasn't just my body, it was my memories too. I think Jester got me just in time.” It took a moment for him to realize he was shaking.

“C'mere,” Yasha said quietly, moving closer and holding out an arm, Kingsley almost falling into her side and curling close. She held him in her arm and rubbed his shoulder, his shaking slowly subsiding. There was a stunned silence for several moments.

“What the fuck,” Beau breathed out, finally breaking the silence. “That’s so fucked up.”

“And concerning,” Essek said, a curled finger hovering over his mouth. “I have never heard of anything similar, even in death accounts from consecuted individuals. Caduceus?”

“I also have no idea,” Caduceus said, frowning. “Either way, that doesn't sound like how it should go. Not to me at least.”

“Or me,” Veth said, eyes wide. “Dying’s bad enough, that’s- that’s just excessive!”

“This isn’t exactly making me feel better,” Kingsley grumbled. Sure, it was commiserating, but mostly it was just reminding him of how alone he was with what happened.

Yasha squeezed his shoulder. “Well, what would make you feel better?”

“Answers,” Kingsley said without hesitation. “Just... what the hell that was. Or why it happened. Just something.” He curled further into Yasha’s side, his head and tail now the only things peeking out from under the blanket.

“I can research, but it will have to be after the voyage,” Caleb said. “I do not have a personal archive unfortunately.”

“Yet,” Essek added on, giving Caleb a quick smile. “My ability to help is limited but I could still assist with some of this research.”

“And I’ve got the Cobalt Soul stuff of course,” Beau said. “So, definitely a more long term thing but we’ll find out what we can.”

“Thanks guys,” Kingsley said quietly. He wasn’t a fan of the wait but just the chance of answers and the fact they were willing to do it still meant a lot.

All through this Fjord had had a hand on his chin, contemplative, and he looked over at both Jester and Caduceus. “Maybe you two could ask for some godly input? It’s worked before and it shouldn’t hurt at least.”

Caduceus nodded “I say it’d be worth trying out.”

Jester nodded as well. “Yeah! It’d be nice if we could get some answers right away. You want us to give it a shot Kingsley?”

“Please,” he said, latching onto the mention of ‘right away’ and pushing away the small shiver at directly asking the gods for help. That sort of thing was the entire reason he was even alive at all, but even when it was positive the idea of it still freaked him out a little. That didn’t mean he was going to pass up the help however, and he looked at the two of them expectantly.

Jester looked over at Caduceus. “You want me or you to go first?”

Caduceus gestured towards her. “You go ahead.”

“Okay!” Jester said, and Kingsley watched as she brought Sprinkle down from her shoulder and held him in front of her. “Okay Artie, if you’re there, we could really use some answers about what happened to Kingsley, it’d be suuuuper helpful.”

The moment Jester finished speaking Kingsley found himself hit with a sudden wave of tiredness, and as he slipped into sleep at Yasha’s side he saw one last glimpse of Sprinkle’s eyes flashing a brilliant green.

***

The first thing he heard was the quiet shuffling of cards.

He found himself sitting in a room. A tent? The lighting was soft, coming from a few candles scattered around the space and a lantern in the shape of a crescent moon hanging from the ceiling. Colorful cloth was draped from the walls (or was the walls, if the guess about the tent was correct), and while the colors were muted by the low light he saw it was mostly blues and purples, with a splash of red or silver here and there. The sound of shuffling cards came from the back, where a woman sat behind a low table and fanned out a set of cards in front of her, gave a satisfied nod, and shuffled the cards back into the deck, Kingsley catching a brief glimpse of one that said “The Dream” before it disappeared from view.

The woman was wearing a red coat.

She looked up, caught his eye, and smiled. “It has been awhile, has it not?”

Kingsley was unable to speak, heart in his throat but he nodded anyway. He recognized her, would recognize her anywhere, but he had never expected to actually see her again. That dream he’d had in his first day had been precious but fleeting, starting to fade even at the time and he’d resigned himself to never fully knowing what it’d been about. The two parts that had managed to stick with him were the sad angel and the woman in the red coat, and while the angel had been revealed to be Yasha no one had known anything about the woman, and over time he began to wonder if she had been based on an actual person at all. And now here she was.

She placed the deck of cards down on the table and gestured for him to come forward, Kingsley moving up to sit cross legged on a red plush cushion, setting down gingerly and his tail curling up next to him. The fact that he had fallen asleep just before this told him that this should be a dream, but at the same time it felt as if it were something more. Something important. Clasping her hands together on the table she held his gaze, expression serious.

“Normally, I would deliver this kind of message through a reading, to avoid saying too much and to allow ambiguity in the meaning. But what I must say is important enough to be blunt. Your soul is fragile, Kingsley Tealeaf.”

Kingsley swallowed hard. He didn’t know who she was, not really, but absolute truth still rang in her words. “W-what does that mean?”

“In practical terms, returning from death is far more dangerous for you than some of your friends.” She opened up her hands and in between them was a ball of softy glowing light. “If your soul is returned to life quickly enough, as it was this last time, there may not be too many complications. But if you are dead for too long...” At her words the ball of light shuddered and then it scattered just like Kingsley remembered and he flinched back, breathing heavily, having to catch himself on one of his hands as dozens of motes of light rose up around them and then dissipated. She brought her hands back together, looking at him sadly. “I am sorry you had to experience a portion of that. It is not something I would wish on anyone.”

He slowly brought his breathing back under control and righted himself on the cushion, emotions stuck between a giddy rush at the fact that Jester’s intervention seemed to have actually worked and terror at the reminder of what had happened to him. Not to mention that something was wrong with his actual soul itself, so, plenty more potential terror and possible nightmares for him there. But for right now, at least...

“Is there anything I can do to... ‘fix’ my soul? And do you know why it’s like that?”

“For your first question, it will mostly just take time.” She cupped her hands in front of her, smaller motes of light reappearing and coalescing until once again she held a ball of light, and she lifted it up to float above their heads, the space around them now brighter. “The longer it has, the better it will be. It is both as simple and as complicated as that, unfortunately.”

“As for the why...” She spread an arc of cards out on the table with one hand and smoothly flipped them over with a pass from the other, but instead of individual cards it was a picture that continued from one card to the next.

“The journey your soul has gone through is far from normal. In fact, some would say it is astonishing that it exists at all.” She trailed her finger along the edge of the card created artwork, narrating as she did so.

“Your soul began with the sundering of a different soul, life springing from death when none should have been there.” A body pulling itself halfway out of a grave, hands scrabbling on the ground, red eyes shining in the face but also on the body. “This soul fragment may have started as just one piece of a larger whole, but something important happened. It changed. And it grew.” Hands helping the purple tiefling to stand, him walking forward and gaining additional color and vitality with each step. Tattoos, jewelry, vibrant clothes, the gaudiest coat imaginable. A bright and happy smile. “The love and experiences your soul had, both good and bad, allowed it to become a full soul in its own right, separate from where it came from.” Helping out at a circus, performing. Blood flashing along blades and becoming ice in an early taste of combat. Sitting side by side, content, with a certain aasimar. Riding along in a cart with the aasimar and five other individuals, sun low on the horizon. “And then... an end.” Blood stains on snow by a road. A coat placed on a staff, fluttering in the wind. “But not the end.”

A new arc of cards was laid down and revealed below the first, with a new artwork. “The soul that yours originally came from was brought back, and it had forcibly reclaimed your soul.” Four figures standing next to an empty grave, the body of the purple tiefling rising into the air and surrounded by magic. “At first, it seemed that your soul had been subsumed.” The group of five, purple tiefling in the lead, bundled up and trudging through a harsh winter landscape. Bodies left in their wake. “But your soul had become its own, and because of that it could no longer slot neatly into place.” Two tieflings sitting across from each other, one purple, one blue, three tarot cards suspended between them. The purple tiefling standing in front of a circular gate before eight other individuals, many of them from the prior artwork. “Your soul fought back, and it eventually helped to free itself from its prison.” Screaming at those eight from a changed body, nine eye stalks coming from the back. An even more monstrous form, torn in half by its own hands.

One final set of cards was placed. Revealed.

“Your friends then attempted to return your soul. But it failed.” A body lying on the ground, partially covered by the gaudy coat and bisected by a new scar. Eyes closed. “It took a prayer to the Wildmother and her intervention for it to be successful.” The same body, standing, eyes open, the ground now covered in greenery and flowers. “However, your soul did not come out unscathed. Not broken, or missing parts, but... injured.” The body now shown as an outline, filled with glowing light. Light that was rough around the edges, shot through with spiderweb cracks. “The time it was forcibly shoved in with originating soul, and having to separate itself out from it again, was traumatic.” A large pair of hands, each hand holding a source of light, one angry and boiling, the other small and dimmed, but warm. “Still the same soul, but changed by the experience. Needing time to relearn. And to heal.” The purple tiefling sitting in a lush graveyard garden, surrounded by both flowers and friends. Sailing on a ship, hanging from the rigging and hair tossed in the wind.

She pulled back, resting her hands on the table. “Your soul is whole, and your own, but less... stable under stress, as it were. There is no way to know for sure, since it has not happened, but I suspect that if you were brought back after a longer period of death you would be in a similar state as to when you woke in the city, due to the healing your soul would need again. I do know however that your friends would do everything they could to return you from death.”

“They would,” Kingsley said, without even thinking about it. His attention was still stuck on the cards. The artwork, as stylized as it was, captured a certain life to it. It felt... real. Alive. But at the same time, something felt off. Something missing.

“Kingsley.”

He startled, as if released from a spell, and he closed his eyes and let out a long breath. When he opened his eyes again he saw her giving him a concerned look. “Sorry,” he said quickly. “I, ah. Thank you?”

Her concern didn’t fade.

“Something about this troubles you.” Not a question. A statement of fact.

“Are there other art cards in that deck?” The words spilled out of him. “I mean, they’re gorgeous, and they worked really well, but, are you sure there’s not more?”

She tilted her head, gaze growing sharp.

“There are if you want there to be.”

Something about the way she said that made him pause. He looked down at the cards again. Three rows.

Three names, he realized.

The last one, Kingsley. Him. His body, his soul, himself. The second, Lucien. Most definitely not him, and she had confirmed that as well with differentiating the souls, even with the strange situation of the shared body and his nightmares. And the first... Mollymauk. A different name, a different life, but according to her, the same body. The same soul. His hand gripped his knee, nails digging in.

His soul was his, and Kingsley would fight anyone who implied otherwise or tried to take that away. He knew from experience, however, that he might not have a choice. His eyes lingered on the second set of cards. Flicked to the first for just a moment.

“... maybe not.”

She inclined her head, and nodded. Her hands hovered over the cards and he made a go ahead gesture, and she scooped them up, one, two, three rows, shuffling them back into the deck.

“I admit, I am not accustomed to speaking of things so plainly,” she said lightly as she shuffled the deck. “Partially due to preference, and partially due to limitations I am often bound to. But a prior... interloper decided to facilitate as a way to make amends.” Kingsley saw a flash of another card, this time with a silver dragon, but it was gone too quickly for him to read the title. “It is difficult to judge the character of one such as him, but he was actually the one to ask for help first.” A small laugh. “Luckily for him, this was something I had wished to do anyway. He simply made it easier.”

Kingsley was almost positive the interloper she spoke of was Artagan, but that just raised even more questions. He’d known coming into this that she was mysterious, and that she had to get her answers from somewhere, but the fact that Artagan had been the one to ask her for help?

Another shiver ran through him, even stronger than the one he had pushed away on the ship. Caduceus and Jester would go to their gods when they needed help. So that meant that if one their gods (or sort-of-god, when it came to Artagan) asked someone else for help, that person was...

“I understand if you can’t answer, but. Who are you?”

The shuffling of the cards stopped.

“Do you want to know that answer?”

She was giving him an out. It was probably even a good idea for him to take it.

“Yes.”

He wasn’t going to take it.

She smiled again and set the now shuffled deck down on the table, drawing the top card and handing it to him. Moon and mirror, with the moon facing him, though with one key difference from the card in Jester’s deck - the crescent moon was strung like a bow.

Kingsley stared at the card, heart hammering in his chest.

“...I’m really sorry, but I have no idea what that means.”

She blinked, taken aback, before noticing his slightly manic grin and she burst out laughing.

“I think you almost believed that yourself for a moment,” the Moonweaver said and she graciously accepted the card when Kingsley handed it back to her, him immediately going and sitting on his hands afterwards to hide their shaking. “Unless you’d still prefer for me to say it out loud?”

“Nope, I’m good,” Kingsley said quickly. He was totally good right now, not panicking at all, nope. He got a raised eyebrow at that response, but her smile was still there as well and she didn’t press him.

Kingsley’s leg bounced as she placed the card back into the deck, having to actively work to keep his breathing steady. On some level, he knew that his perspective on the gods and faith was a bit skewed. Fjord sailed the seas with the Wildmother’s blessing. Caduceus had performed literal miracles with the Wildmother’s help (and, once again, one of those was the entire reason he was even alive at all). Yasha was a full fledged champion of the Stormlord. And proper god or not, Jester was still outright friends with Artagan.

In comparison, his own tentative explorations towards faith and the gods had felt like they didn’t really count. He’d learned about the Moonweaver, and her commandments had resonated with him, so he’d decided to follow them. He didn’t actively worship, or ask for blessings, or go out of his way to do things on her behalf. Instead Kingsley mostly just lived his life, sending a small prayer when it felt right and taking some comfort in the light of the moons. That was it. The big stuff, that was what his friends did. They were the ones who...

He looked around at the rest of the tent again, trying to distract himself. With his new knowledge he saw nods to the Moonweaver throughout, most of the decor having been subtle enough on its own to escape attention the first time around, though, okay, maybe the lantern hanging from the ceiling was a bit on the nose. It was an understated but beautiful space, and just one more reminder that he was talking to a literal actual god right now.

Maybe that hadn’t been the best way to try and distract himself.

Her casual comment of ‘something I had wished to do anyway’ spun over and over again in his head, him trying to figure out what the hell that even meant and dread growing at what it could mean. It didn’t make sense. Why-

“Why me?”

He’d just said that out loud. Fuck.

Kingsley looked back to her and nearly jumped when he realized that she’d been staring at him the entire time, swearing several more times in his head and wondering if he’d just pissed her off. But instead of anger her expression was soft.

“Why not you?”

Whatever he’d expected to hear, it hadn’t been that.

His brain stalled. There were so many things he wanted to say in response. So many things he knew he should NOT say in response. But she hadn’t said anything else yet, simply watching him and her hands resting on the table. He slumped, bringing his hands back to his lap.

“Because I’m not actually who you think I am?”

That got him another raised eyebrow, but this time there was no accompanying smile, and he quickly continued. “I know I’ve met you before, in that dream, but that wasn’t- I wasn’t even me yet. I didn’t know who I was s-so it makes sense that you were there for someone else.” Fuck, he knew this was a bad idea, second guessing the decision of, once again, A LITERAL ACTUAL GOD, but the sour sick fear that had been growing in the background was finally too much for him to ignore.

“Mollymauk, right? You said yourself that he’s where my soul came from and what if I'm just-” His voice cracked, and he hastily scrubbed a tear away from the corner of his eye. “I know he was a follower of yours, and he did a better job than any of the half measures I’ve ever sent your way, so. That’s why not me.” Kingsley couldn’t hold her gaze anymore and he looked down, eyes boring into his lap. “And maybe you were there for me, originally, whoever I was. But I still fucked that up anyway.”

A couple frustrated tears dropped down and landed on the back of his hands, Kingsley feeling like he was about to scream. His soul was HIS. He was Kingsley. He was himself. He knew who he was. He was. He was supposed to know who he was. He...

(Breaking apart. Disintegrating. Motes of light drifting away).

A hand cupped his check and his breath hitched, and then his breathing almost stopped entirely when a gentle kiss was pressed to his forehead.

“Time for that later,” she murmured, and then she was pulling back, tilting his chin up with her hand. She was kneeling in front of him, just a couple feet away and table now gone.

“Yes. Mollymauk is where your soul is from. And yes, my first visit in that dream was to see you, in part because of the sacrifices you had made in Cognouza, and in part because of a life lived in full and prior faith. But there is something important you must understand.” She held his gaze, not looking away. “You are not inferior to Mollymauk. You are not a mistake. And you do not have to fear losing yourself and becoming him, because he has already become you.”

Her hand cupped his check again, and she smiled softly.

“You are Kingsley Tealeaf. And I am so proud of all that you are.”

Mollymauk was... him?

Kingsley swayed in place. He didn’t know whether to cry, or to laugh, or what even to do at all. Instead he just sat there, feeling lightheaded at what had just happened. He wasn’t dead for disrespect. She had actually listened to him. Reassured him. Her. A god.

“I think I need to lie down,” he said weakly.

She gave a small laugh, withdrawing her hand and Kingsley slow motion flopped onto his side, before rolling to his back and staring at the ceiling. There were stars embroidered in the fabric up there. He hadn’t seen that before.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw her sitting down next to him, leaning on one of her hands. “Feel better?”

“Yeah,” he said. He could almost pick out some constellations in the embroidered stars.

“Good.” She played with one last tarot card in her free hand, just barely visible to him. A sun rising over a grave. Dawn.

Slowly, almost so slow that he missed it at first, the lights in the tent started dim. Eventually the only light left was a faint glow from the crescent moon lantern, and, to his quiet awe, the embroidered stars themselves, silver threads glimmering with magic.

“There are only a few more things left for me to say.”

He tilted his head to look in her direction. Even in the low light he could still see her clearly, and he realized she was actually the final source of light in the space, her white hair and blue skin giving off a faint luminescence.

“If a day comes where things are not fast enough, where others are not able to reach you in time and you cannot remember with your mind, remember with your heart like you did once before. Even when starting over, a home and a family will still be waiting for you.”

She glowed a little brighter, surroundings starting to fade.

“Hopefully, by the time you pass on your soul will be healed enough that you no longer have to worry. But if that is not the case...”

She leaned down, held his face in both of her hands, and placed one last kiss on his forehead.

“I will be there. Shine bright, my little monarch.”

He closed his eyes, for a single blink-

-And opened them to the deck of The Nein Heroez.

“-I told you, I’m not the one who knows. I just sent him along to someone who does, he’ll be fine.”

“I’m surprised she didn’t smite you,” Kingsley croaked and Artagan whirled around, pointing at him.

“See! I told you, he’s fine.”

Jester gasped. “Kingsley!”

“Welcome back,” Yasha murmured, and she gave him a hug with the arm around his shoulder.

“Wait, smite? Who the fuck did you send him to?” Beau said, shooting Artagan a look.

“Well! It looks like my work here is done,” Artagan said, completely ignoring Beau and clapping his hands together. “Just let me know when you need something again Jester, tah!”

He vanished in a swirl of green cloak before Beau could get another word in, and she groaned.

“Ugh. He didn't even do anything himself.”

“Yes he did!” Jester said, and she looked at Kingsley. “... it did work, right?”

“... yeah,” he said, a little dazed, and he reached up to touch his forehead. He was going to need time to process that. A lot of time.

“See! He did do something!”

Fjord gave him a thoughtful look. “Who did he send you to? You seem a little overwhelmed.”

“T-the Moonweaver.”

That got everyone’s attention on him at once. A couple of them blanched.

“... you were not kidding with the smite comment,” Caleb said, eyes a little wide.

Essek looked around at the group and everyone’s expressions. “Being sent to a god is notable, but I feel I am missing some additional context here.”

“We um. Miiight have had a plan where Artie pretended to be the Moonweaver?” Jester said.

“It went badly,” Fjord said bluntly.

“As in dragged off into the sky in chains badly,” Veth added on.

Essek blinked, then shook his head. “I should not even be surprised anymore.”

“I was pretty surprised the first time I heard about it,” Kingsley said, shrugging. “And I only heard about it cause of all the times the ship docked at Rumblecusp. I think you're good.”

Essek gave him a wry grin. “Well. I am glad I am not the only one to hear about things after the fact.”

“You get used to it,” Caduceus said, smiling. “And we’re all here now, so, you don’t have to worry about it this time.”

“True enough,” Kingsley said and he stretched, sitting up straight but still at Yasha’s side.

“What did you learn?” Yasha asked.

“Well... the main thing is she said my soul is. Fragile? And that if I’m dead too long I might forget things again. But she also said it’ll heal after enough time so it’s not all bad?” Her last words to him, about what she would do if it hadn’t healed yet, echoed in the back of his mind.

“It’s still not great though,” Beau said, sitting with her arm resting on a raised knee. “She tell you any way to fix it sooner?”

He shook his head. “She just said it’d take time.” After a second he glanced over to Essek and Caleb. “And I don’t think she meant your kind of stuff. Sorry nerds.”

“Magic cannot fix everything,” Caleb said. “As much as we might want it to.” He was lost in thought for a moment before Essek squeezed his hand, Caleb returning the gesture.

Kingsley took a moment to inhale the ocean air, grounding himself, before fully flopping back against Yasha like a cat and she chuckled, starting to comb her fingers through his hair.

“What else did you guys talk about? You were gone for a while,” Jester said.

Kingsley hesitated.

He didn’t really know why he was hesitating. Maybe he was afraid. Of what, he wasn’t sure, but that fear that had bubbled over while talking to the Moonweaver wasn’t totally gone. And maybe it was the fact that he still didn’t know what to make of things himself yet. But he also remembered the words she’d said towards the end, that even if he forgot, he would still have a family. And a home.

(An even more distant memory. Of him asking for home, and Jester saying yeah, we can go home).

He saw Caduceus watching him out of the corner of his eye, expression knowing, but the cleric didn’t push, and that was what made the decision for him. The Mighty Nein was his family. And they would be there for him no matter what.

“Well,” Kingsley said, pausing for dramatic effect. “To start, she was wearing this red coat...”

He launched into retelling, knowing that he had his family, his home, and that his heart would remember for as long as he would need.

#Critical Role #cr spoilers #Kingsley Tealeaf #Mollymauk Tealeaf #Mollymauk #The Mighty Nein #The Moonweaver #Critical Role fanfiction #my writing #things get better for him don't worry #he just gets mildly traumatized first #AO3 link in reblog

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oskarwing · 3 years

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I really wanna talk about the parent child relationships in Midnight Mass

I’m not sure if I’m good at writing this sorta Meta but here goes nothing. Very many spoilers follow.

Let’s start with the adults:

First we have Erin who suffered so much at the hands of her mother and later because of her mother’s abuse. We don’t get much detailed info on Peggy Greene but from what we can gather she was a lot like Beverly Keane, who seemed to idolize her (though that probably got easier for her after Peggy was gone), in her self-righteous over-pious manner. She just happened to be Beverly with an alcohol problem and a daughter who she could take all her anger at life for not working out her way for God loving her just the same as everybody else out. The dove scene is really such a good scene. But Erin was stronger than her mother, stronger than the abuse that was about to repeat itself and when she found out that she would have a child of her own she left and tried her best to give her kid a better life than the one she had. And she found the strength I think with the help of the same God her mother most likely used as legitimation for her abuse (don’t get me wrong I believe it was Erin’s own strength but she also clearly found something in religion that helped her gather it) and it helped her to carve out a path for herself and her unborn child.

Sarah’s relationship to her parents is such an interesting one because we get to see the end of it. The man who she believed to be her father has been dead for a long while and her mother is suffering through the late stages of dementia. And Sarah showed up for it. As a doctor she most likely knew what would be happening as soon as Mildred started to show the first symptombs but she wasn’t going to leave her mother. That kind of care for an elderly parent shows something that is proven in Mildred’s character time and time again: She is a very devoted parent and the love between mother and daughter flows both ways in every scene they are in together, after the birth of her daughter her world turned around Sarah and she loved her with all she had. There are a few scenes that show that Mildred’s understanding of the duty she felt towards her family came from the old values of her time. She wouldn’t have taken off with John and their child not for a lack of love but because in those times, in catholism still at least where I’m from, you can’t just marry a priest. You can’t just have a child with a priest eventhough you’re married and then fuck off with him. As a woman, as a wife and mother you have to stand with your husband, stand with your child and you have to stop running after fantasies I’m sure Mildred had. I’m saying this all from her perspective btw, I don’t necessarily think running away with John, in the way he wished to, would have been good for Sarah but honesty might have been and her old fashioned values were also what kept her from being truly honest with her daughter. To John on the other hand Sarah is a fantasy, a dream he couldn’t reach. His daughter, his baby, so close and yet so far away getting to watch her grow into an adult but never being able to really be her father as in her Dad instead of her priest. And it’s painful to him, he clearly loved Mildred, loved Sarah but he was also kinda selfish in his love that in the end took Sarah away. At first he isolated his child by starring at her giving her the creeps and the feeling that she had done something wrong that he knew she was gay and dissaproved and then he took it upon himself to ‘cure’ Mildred in the same way he was. Sarah wanted to take care of her mother wanted to be there for her in those final months and John decided it was up to him to give Mildred a youth potion to make it so she’d never die. And with that he took away from Sarah what is without doubt a hard but for many people a very important last part of the relationship between child and parent. John was a complicated man and would maybe have been a great Dad he certainly showed a lot of fatherly love for his altar boys but he couldn’t have the family in the way he fantasized about and in the end it was that fantasy that made him act the way he did.

Riley Flynn causes his parents a lot of pain. Him killing that girl in the beginning, his alcoholism, him simply not liking the place, the home they build for themselves through hard work causes the Annie and Ed so much pain and financial loss and you can see how tired they are, how much guilt they feel for failing their son. Ed calls out his own guilt and says that he doesn’t belive it could be Annie’s fault because ‘your mother’s a saint’ but what I truly love about Annie and Ed Flynn is that they both aren’t saints. As a mother Annie is very much overprotective and suffocating, wanting to keep her children on crocket island and hating the notion that they might leave her, even though she is kind and sweet and loving. And while Ed seems rather checked out as a father but he is the more honest parent, never talking down to Riley and telling him as it is, telling him about the pain he caused him while also admitting to the guilt he feels. The Flynns are flawed people even in their religious practice (I think the way Annie speaks about Ali showing up at church when Hassan seemed to be nothing but nice to her spoke very loudly to the fact that Annie is rather misguided sometimes) but they are good people at the core of it and their parenting might have been part of Riley’s way into alcoholism but it wasn’t only them. There were things they couldn’t change and things they had no influence over like his heart being broken by Erin running away, the sort of people he went out on parties with and so many other things... Yes, they may have shaped their son in a way that made him vulnerable to addiction and the party scene of the stock and tech market and brought him to the point where he killed a child but it doesn’t happen through parenting alone and they also shaped him in the good ways. Him not losing himself when Pruitt changes him, him being brave enough to warn Erin, him standing up for what he believes in those things were also shaped by Ed and Annie. They are one of the best example of flawed but good hearted Christians I have seen in recent media and their portrayal was one of the most heartbreaking ones.

Now the kids:

Let’s start with Leeza. Little Leeza Scarborough who before it comes to her wonder gets treated with pity and overprotectiveness from her parents and the island community at large. Leeza was injured by Joe Collie transforming him into the island’s villain and her into the ever present victim. What happened to her is without a doubt horrible and I understand why Wade and Dolly started to become these overprotective parents, why they were so easily sucked in to John’s and Bev’s scheme. Their little girl was almost taken from them eventhough Wade is the mayor, one of the most powerful people on the island he had no influence over what happened to Leeza even was the one who took her out that day and what followed the accident was as we can gather from their conversation with Sarah a lot of pain and financial burden though they say they would have done it all over for Leeza. In fact a lot of places in crockett island are wheelchair accesible and I am sure that Wade as mayor made it so (I can’t really imagine that a small place like the island was very inclusive though I may be wrong). After Leeza is healed they don’t want to question in don’t want to think about what might have been the cause for it. In fact they stop questioning anything after that point, after Leeza walks again they are completely vulnerable to Bev’s manipulation and them letting that happen, them just going along with everything, Wade protecting John after he kills Joe long after Leeza forgave him and with her forgiveness send Joe on a better path is what in the end makes them lose her. Because Leeza isn’t that little victim who needs pity and help, she is a strong minded, strong willed young woman with a lot of wit who similar to Erin finds strength in her faith but in a way that isn’t devotion without question and when the Easter vigil is held she doesn’t follow her parents eventhough she loves them deeply. She forgives them I think, because that’s what Leeza’s character is about in it’s core but her parents were two of the instigators behind what happened on the island, without Wade’s protection John and Bev couldn’t have come as far as they did and they put their trust in them because they loved their daughter so much they didn’t stop to question if maybe what made Leeza walk again was also a bad thing.

Ali and Hassan don’t have it easy and I as a white person really can’t speak much on the racism and religious discrimination they face. I can say this I think: The first line spoken about Ali before we even really get to look at him is “You didn’t invite Aladin” and already sets us up for what both of them know: They are the outsiders. Not only because they just moved to the island but also because in their faith they are different from their peers and religion can often be a community building event for people before it is anything else. Ali starts balming his father a little for that, for not trying to fit in more with the community, for moving after his mother’s death and then not trying to be closer to the people around them and for the pain all the pain the two of them went through before Crockett island. It isn’t oly peer pressure though of course that brings Ali to St Patrick’s. Sure, Ali wanted to be part of the community but also desperately wanted to believe that there was a devine power who could if he just did it (it meaning faith) the right way he might find a way to avoid the pain of his parents. Hassan knew that and he warned him that that wasn’t how it worked. Hassan was a protective Dad and maybe he overdid it from time to time but his worries were never without reason, his need to keep his son safe from a world that hated him for a crime that happened when he wasn’t even born yet never unfounded and him wanting to make sure his kid kept the memory of his mother alive never anything but the wish of a griefing man and loving father. In the end when they pray together there is peace in them. They face their ends with the dignity Ali’s mother would have wished for and they face it as father and son. While Beverly the true religious terrorist of the story burns away without it.

Warren is the youngest Flynn and it is never directly stated yet omnipresent that his coming of age happens in the shadow of his older brother’s mistake. Annie warns him away from drinking when he goes out he in fact doesn’t drink. He never drinks because of what his brother did. Warren would have been 12 when Riley killed that girl and so he would have seen and felt what his brother’s actions did to his parents fully without being yet old enough to maybe see the nuance. Annie and Ed probably try to right the wrong they believe to have done in parenting Riley with Warren and that’s a lot for a kid. I do think it’s pretty usual that parents of multiple children especially when there’s a larger age gap try to do better with the younger children, but that isn’t fair is it? Warren is his own person not a second chance to do it over. And yet seemingly he does what is asked of him. He’s alter boy, he’s charming and helpful and sweet, he doesn’t drink (even when he does smoke pot) and he helps his father where he can with his work. But in the end he feels guilty because he thinks he wasn’t enough and says at that last dinner he would have been different if he had known he wouldn’t see his family again. But Leeza is right they know and they love him and Warren deserved to not be perfect all the time.

Littlefoot saved Erin and Erin payed her back with all the love she had. She was never born but she gave her mother the strength and willpower to leave. In her speech to Joe Leeza said he reached through time and took things from her she didn’t even know she had yet.When Erin left her husband she reached through time and saved Littlefoot from a childhood like hers and when John gave Erin the angel’s vampire’s blood he reached through time and took away her child, a child who would have been loved and cared for. A child with an amazing mother and probably a great step-dad. Littlefoot’s story is tragic because she never got one.

#midnight mass #midnight mass spoilers #parents in midnight mass #I dunno man I just really love how they showed all these examples of parents

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abbynx · 3 years

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La Squadra Esecuzione as Best Friends Headcanons

Formaggio - Very chill, first and foremost, he is down for anything to do. Videogames? He'll try to beat your ass. Cat cafes? Heck ye he is down - The type of friend who will coax you to cut class to hang out behind the school or climb over the school fence to hang around the local arcade or theatre. But if he get caught, he won't snitch and he's willing to take responsibility. Begrudgingly. - Ohhhh physical touch is bare minimum for him. He'll occasionally lean on you, perhaps shrink himself to fit himself in your pocket just to platonically cuddle and perhaps, use you as a transport. - Will high five you as a greeting, and will high five you as a farewell. Usually followed by a hug too uwu "Bro!" He holds his hand out for a high five, in which you instinctively grant him one, when he also entwines his fingers through yours and pulling you for a hug, patting your back for a second and pulling away. "I missed you bro!" - Prepare for dumb jokes, dumb puns that he effortlessly come up with as time goes by. You can't go on a day without him cracking a joke. You'd either roll your eyes at it or laugh along with him. There's nothing in between "You see that guy over there, bro?" He leans on you, arm draped around your shoulder as he points at a person from afar. "Yeah, what?" "I say... You'd be a perfect match." You glanced at him, hearing him shake a box of matches as he wiggled his eyebrows with a dumb grin. - *Finger guns and bro intensifies* Illuso - That weird person you don't see yourself associating yourself with somehow befriended him for some reason. Most likely started when you both started to wake up at 3 AM and meet in the middle of the dark, in the kitchen, wanting to grab something to eat. At first it is awkward, but soon you learned to bond through it! And soon enough, your midnight chats extended to become actual friendships! - Seems distant, but he cares. He's the type pretend not to care about you, but will glare (or more than glare depending at the severity) at people who hurt you. He is the 'I'm the only one allowed to insult them like that' type of friend. "Huh, Formaggio hasn't been teasing me. I wonder what happened." You wondered aloud, as you say beside your friend Illuso. "Must be because of his bruised jaw. The previous mission must've been tough for him." "Yeah... That..." - Probs touched-starved. He acts irritated and push you away when you try to hug him, but secretly loves it. If you stop trying to hug him, he'd be kinda sad but will not say anything. - This friendship includes you listening to him rant about every little thing, and brag about things he can't do. He appreciates you listening to be honest, and that's initially how your friendships started anyways. - Will use derogatory terms as a term of endearment. Please don't be offended, he doesn't mean any offense "Hey idiot! Get your sorry ass right here! Risotto said we have someone to take care of!" "Thanks, dumbass." "Eyo slut! Take a look at this fugly idiot!" - Does not have the habit of knocking. In fact, he just barges into your room, through the mirror. In more than one occasion has he seen you undressed but he couldn't care less about it. "Hey dumbass can I borrow your— hey, stop screaming! Anyways I ran out of hair ties, do me a solid—" - Everyone around you being confused to how you two are most unlikely to become friends, but you two are practically unlikely twins Prosciutto - You can not stop me from assuming he is quite the mom friend if you pry his shell hard enough. Perhaps a mom friend mixed with tsundere friend. "Hey! Drink your water or I'll break your ankles! No I don't care that we're in the middle of killing someone! I packed you some water and you didn't drink it! Well shit I didn't pack it specifically for you, I just managed to pack extra! Now go ahead and drink, I'll handle this one myself! While you're at it, coat yourself with sunscreen! If I hear you whining about being burnt, I swear to God—" - If you happen to be a mom friend too, you'd be bonding over the

mutual stress of having to look over the rest of the gang over a glass of wine as chaos around you ensues because you two decided to take a small break. "Formaggio and Ghiaccio is up at it again..." You sigh, swirling the content of your stemware as the distant bickering of the two aforementioned assassins echoed. "Just... Let's just lay low. It'll be over soon." Prosciutto sighs along as well, before downing his glass of whiskey. "Hopefully." And it didn't end, as it ensued and progressive got worse. Stands were called, knives were thrown, guns were shot. And two mom friends of La Squadra almost lost their voice from all the yelling and lecturing - Will scold you for your bad habits. Bad posture? He will walk behind you, press his knee on your back and roll your shoulders back whilst he lectures you about it. Messy time management? Will buy you crap to make you keep track of time. Sleeping so late? He will take whatever you're distracted with, demand you to turn your lights off as he lights soothing scented candles and tossing you some comfortable blankets to use. Barely taking care of yourself? Bro prepare yourself. "I don't understand how you live like this! You'd be dead if you were to continue that habit! At least help me help you to make you be better!" - Very blunt and honest to the point it stings, but he never lies to people he is closed to. He prefers being upfront with his loved ones and will try to rebuild their confidence and reassure them that they can be better than what they are. "When I say you're idiotic, you're but a burden, I mean it. You have all rights to be hurt by it, but don't just live with it. Prove me wrong, that you can be better than that and you'll be the best version of yourself. I know you can do it." - Will accept hugs, but will most likely not hug back. Maybe he'll just out one hand on your back and lightly stroke it, but that's it. But in rare occasions, he will return them too. Sometimes, he'll even initiate it. - Your connection to him as a friend has lead several advantages. No one in general can make a negative comment about you with Prosciutto around. His glare alone was scary and they would not wish to stick around and find out what he can do than just glaring. - Extremely appreciates when you help him around by simply carrying things for him, fetching him coffee and actually doing your damn job properly is enough to make him be filled with gratitude. Pesci - Baby. Okay, so this boy. Boy oh boy, he is baby. Take care of him, bro. Don't coddle him to the point of him being entirely dependent on you, but sis you can always reassure and make him improve himself! Perhaps a tamer version of his relationship with his brother. - You two will mostly likely be friends because you always defend him from the others from teasing him and rooting for him. He is very grateful for it and can't thank you enough. Either that, or Prosciutto paid you to babysit him. - Will constantly cling on your arm when he's anxious. It's up to you whether you'll snap at him and slap his hand away, or just let him hang around you. He'll just simply grab your wrist, and sooner and later he'd have his body pressed against yours, completely clinging on the entirety of your arm. "D-don't leave me, Y/N! I'm scared—!" - He is extremely thankful for you watching over him and protecting and by this, he tries to improve himself a lot more just so he can confidently say he can watch over you and protect you as well - Just the sweetest little thing, whenever he'd be away with Prosciutto for a mission he'd return home bearing gifts from travel and he'd give it to you. It would be something either miniature, or something practical like a knife sharpener or something. "I-I got this for you... I hope you like it! Big bro helped me pick!" - Honestly, I can imagine him just being the best, supportive and encouraging friend there could be. If ever you needed someone to confide in, he'd just sit and listen and will certainly not repeat what you told him to others. He'll try his best to comfort

you, taking inspiration to how you comfort him and will just try his best to make you feel better. "I know life is rough and hard and bad, but you always told me it will change and soon it all be over and better. It's good that you recognise you're in a bad place, now you need to take a break and then later you won't even know you've already forgotten your problem! It's okay to be sad, too, but not for too long." - The type of friend that will share anything he has. He has a cookie with him? Shit, he'll split it in half and give the other half to you. Some soda? Well I hope you don't mind drinking from the same can as he is, he will give it to you. Melone - So this nerd isn't a complete creepy pervert, not entirely at all. He's chill for most of the time, so he's a neat company if you don't mind him bombarding you with questions regarding your genetics, heritage records, blood type, zodiac signs and whatnot. But knows when to stop. - You most likely befriended him because he is one of the chill people in the group... Somewhat. Or perhaps you just started to bond over mutual love for steamy, erotic novels from the same author. If this man has shame, his guilty pleasures would be reading these types of trashy novels filled with smut. - He is great as a wingman. Complain to him about your lack of a love life, he'll observe your types and he'll somehow come up with a list by the next day enthusiastically listing them to you in a PowerPoint presentation. "If you're into girls, I have this one right here! She's compatible with your zodiac sign, although she has quite the temper she can be extremely passionate and affectionate— or perhaps you're into men, that I have as well. Several, actually. This other fellow right here is also a part of Passione from the Human trafficking branch, stoic and quite a stern one, but knows when to lay low at times and appreciate those around him— either him or the girl, you'd make good babies together!" "Melone, what the fuck—" - Very touchy. He'd lean his head on your lap as you both read on the couch, or randomly put his head on your shoulder during meetings, grab you by the arm while crossing the road, smacking your ass as a greeting (if you tell him stop, he'd stop of course), will pretend to kiss you just so he can see your reaction, anything. He is one affectionate nut that he sometimes forget about personal spaces. If you're not particularly fond of being touched like I am, simply tell him nope. I mean, he'd be sad but will respect your boundaries. The only time he'll actually respect established boundaries, to be honest. - Knows the most random facts and will share them to you for the fun of it. Additional to that, he will also mutter his shower thoughts and random cursed facts out loud just so he can curse you with the knowledge and confusion. "Did you know that dolphins masturbate using dead fishes? Also, there was an experiment involving dolphins in which one of the scientist fell in love and had sex with it. Another fact, is that dolphins are also seen doing the deed—" "Okay, Melone, I get it! Dolphins aren't as innocent as they seem! Stop ruining it for me already!" ... "Did you know that a woman once used mayonnaise as a lubri—" "MELONE!" - Being his friends meaning being his impulse control. If he intends to use his Stand on some innocent passerby just for the heck of it (for science, as he claims), smack him by the wrist and glare at him. If he eyes a particular someone for too long that the person gets too uncomfortable, try to divert his attention away. "Ow! Y/N what the heck—!" "What did I told you about oogling at people? It's impolite and creepy, stop that!" - He may not seem like it, but bro he cares a lot. If ever you had a problem, he'd sit and listen, offer you his shoulder to cry on, and perhaps hang out to divert your attention away from what's bothering and hurting you. And if you need advice, he'll try his best to come up with a flawless solution to your problems. But if comfort is what you need, his arms are open baby. Ghiaccio

- Bro you must need emergency ear plugs for this one, he is a massive screamer, a ticking time bomb with no timer that will erupt at random. If ear plugs aren't enough, cover your ears. - Befriending him was an impulse control befriending him. Well, all you did was to constantly try to calm his tits and cool his head to the point he actually barges in your room to hang out so that he can cool his head from all of the shenanigans occuring all around him, or maybe he just had another thought about something maddening about the world. "WELL WHY?! WHY IS WOMEN'S CLOTHES SIZING CHART DIFFER FROM EACH STORE?! THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE! INCHES AND CENTIMETRES EXISTS FOR A REASON, DAMNIT!" - There are moments where he isn't screaming, thankfully and he's a decent person to talk to. If you're a listener, he'll do the talking, just ranting about things, rambling on and on, before complaining, and then another outbursts comes out. By this, you simply sigh, put a hand on his shoulder and talk to him in a gentle, calming voice. It usually does the trick. Formaggio and Melone joked about this talent of yours as witchcraft. - He appreciates you a lot and honestly doesn't know what to do without you and by that, he knows he has to reciprocate the care you give him somehow to show he is grateful of your friendship and care. He isn't the type to be physically affectionate, but he is extremely thoughtful about his closed loved onesa and prefers to be practical about it. He would save you your seat in meetings, fetch you snacks if he ran out for an errand, etc etc. Extremely observant of your mannerisms, that he might point that out to you and you won't even realise you do that. - So like, he is very protective as a friend. He will do something whenever someone has wronged you in any way. The others teasing you? Bam, he'll shoot them back with a witty insult. Your s/o cheated on you? Ohohoho boi, be prepared to see their name on a headline on the daily news. Your order was wrong? Bam, he'll have the waiter shaking in fear from a screaming, angry Italian mafioso as he demands for them to remake your order correctly. "WELL CAGACAZZO?! QUIT STANDING AROUND AND GET ORDERS CORRECTLY—" "G-Ghiaccio it's just a minor thing, let it go—" "THEY SERVED YOU AN INGREDIENT YOU SPECIFICALLY TOLD THEM NOT TO INCLUDE BECAUSE YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO IT! WHY ARE YOU LETTING THIS SLIDE OFF?!" - All in all, he's just glad you're there for him because damn, someday his temper is going to get the best of him and he doesn't know what to do. And with your friendship, he's learned how to cope with his spontaneous anger by carrying soothing stuff to ease his nerves (courtesy of your suggestions and gifts for him) - Basically the dynamic of a rapid gremlin with rabies and a calm, sunshine personified angel. Everyone (Riz, including, but he's more subtle and dry about it) joked about the unlikely friendship, and how your ears must've lost a little bit of hearing capacity. Rissoto - I feel like he'd be extremely attached to a childhood friend. You've been friends since before you underwent the drastic change by going through a lot to get to where he is now, and still the only person that stuck around with him was you. By that, you became the most trusted by him due to the fact you've known each other for very long. - As his best friend, you're his confidant and finds himself often going to you if ever he needed advice, or needed to vent about his stress. He really isn't vocal but when he's confiding in you, his words spill out of his mouth usually sealed tightly just steadily flows, his big strong Capo veneer falls apart in front of you but he doesn't necessarily feel unsafe by being vulnerable. That's how he trusts you. - No one will dare to bad mouth you in front of the Capo, or else there'd be hell to pay for. I mean, teasing is fine, he knows you can handle burns from team mates here and there (and will silently smirk at it) but he will not stand it if they attempt to belittle you for something unreasonable. "Watch your mouth. That was

out of their control, stop blaming them for something they can't do." - The type of friend that doesn't know how to comfort someone, but will try their best. So as you spill your heart out, tears, snot, sweat and all, he'll just pull you to his chest and awkwardly pat your shoulders to get you calm and comforted. Not to mention, he is extremely stiff at the hug and is very unsure what words to say to you to not upset or offend you any further, so he'll just ride it out smoothly, and let you let it all out on his chest. It's not like he can't wash your tears, snot and sweat on his chest anyways. - Since he is very non-vocal, he's a good listener so rant all the way! Complain about the weather, about your lack of love life, about how underpaid the hitmen team is, anything! He won't find the perfect response, so he'll just nod along and perhaps comment occasionally on what your saying. "So like, ugh, I am soooo frustrated at how Prosciutto could say that to Pesci! He makes a good point, but it's redundant for him to be too harsh on him! Look, all I'm saying is, maybe Prosciutto should start choosing his words correctly so that Pesci won't feel too upset! You know???" You glanced at your friend, as he simply sat attentively beside you. He nods silently as a response. "Anyways—" - Extremely great at deduction and the way he reads people so easily is so unreal. And so he uses this to his advantage to know what's up with you whenever you seemed off. By this, he's able to tell whenever you're upset but scared to talk about it, frustrated but too busy to talk about, etc etc. And with this, he takes the time to drag you to take a seat, and talk about what's been bothering you. If you don't wish to talk about it at all, he'll let you be after with a reassurance that you can overcome whatever the heck you're going through. - Everyone is surprised that you two aren't married??? That you're just friends??? The way you two look just makes you two look like a couple and it boggles the others how you two aren't one.

#la squadra x reader #platonic #jjba part 5 #jojo golden wind #formaggio x reader #prosciutto x reader #pesci x reader #illuso x reader #melone x reader #ghiaccio x reader #risotto x reader #headcanons #friendship #x reader

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 3 years

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Looking For A Place to Happen 6

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape (series), age gap, general stupidity, some violence and threats, drunkenness, some content not warned.

This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely

Note: The second last chapter of Sam for y’all!

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter 6: Making stops along the way

💀💀💀

You laid on your side and hugged the covers as the bed shifted beside you. Sweaty, sore, exhausted, and the sun was only just dimming beyond the window. Sam’s broad back tensed as he sat up and stretched his arms above him. You could still feel him inside you, not that any reprise lasted long.

He said nothing as you heard the knock again. You barely noticed before but the pounding got louder as Sam pulled on grey jogging pants and chuckled. You groaned and hid your face against the duvet. Every move sent a thrumming pain through you, and agonized emptiness you resented.

Your knee hit the toy as it rolled against you and you flinched. Sometimes you couldn’t tell if it was him or the silicone stretching you. How had it only been a few hours? It felt like you’d been there for days.

“Damn it,” the voice grumbled from the other room, low and muffled by the wall, “I told you I was coming by.”

You recognized it from that fateful night at The Asp; deep and sinister. As brief as your encounter with the man, you could guess he was rarely anything but irritable.

“Calm down,” Sam replied lightly, “I got other things to do…”

“You got business,” Bucky retorted.

“Money’s in the bag,” you heard a soft rustle and a harrumph.

“Should’ve brought it direct,” Bucky complained.

“I’ve been taking care of your other problem,” Sam countered smoothly as you heard heavy footsteps move around the front room.

“I see that,” Bucky mused, his voice clearer, closer.

You lifted your head and quickly hid your bare leg and ass under the blanket. He chuckled as Sam neared and crossed his arms over his thick chest.

“She knows the rules now,” Sam said, “got it all under control.”

“Mmm,” Bucky lifted his chin and turned to Sam, “yeah, yeah, well… my girl…”

“Nice woman… stubborn like you,” Sam remarked.

“Stubborn’s a word for it. She’s, uh, concerned,” he said carefully, “about the girl. Says she’s young--”

“Not deaf either,” you sat up as you clung to the duvet.

He squinted at you and you flinched. Sam glanced at you and tapped a finger against his lips for you to be quiet.

“You know Steve’s girl is having that little thing at the bar. Her birthday or some shit.”

“Steve won’t shut up about it,” Sam rolled his eyes.

“He’s sweet on her. Too sweet.” Bucky sniffed, “Anyway, bring the girl, need mine to stop worrying.”

“Ah, sure, when was it again?”

“Tomorrow,” Bucky jutted his jaw out, “actually…” he peeked over at you as he thought, “take her by my lady’s place. The girls will be there getting all dolled up.”

“I’m busy--” you began and Bucky snapped his fingers at you.

“You said she knew the rules,” he pointed at Sam, “maybe you should remind her before I have to see her again.”

He turned and you saw his leather jacket as he stomped away, seizing a leather bag from the coffee table as he passed. The door slammed in his stead and Sam leaned against the wooden frame to look at you. He shook his head and sighed.

“Don’t know what it is about that man and women,” he gave a smirk, “but y’all sure do like to take the piss out of him.”

💀

It was easy enough to find any house in Birch, there were only so many. As you were realising too late, this was detrimental, not just to you but many in the thrall of the club’s clutches. There was no place to hide from those men and their cruelty.

He handed you your phone back before he let you go. He warned that you better use it wisely. He would meet you at the bar later; you were to make your way over with the group of women you didn’t know.

You neared the front door of the yellow house and knocked. You waited nervously, the cold air slipping in under your long jacket. A woman opened the door and you wondered if you were at the wrong place. Typical. You could even get lost in Birch.

“Oh, you must be the last,” she chimed, “I’m Mel.”

You smiled and awkwardly gave your name. She beckoned you inside and you added your boots and coat to those already by the door. You dressed for the occasion, Sam approved of the outfit with a growl after advising you to wear something slutty. You hadn’t worn the tight leather leggings and the strappy crop top since your club days in your two years of community college.

Mel looked you over but made no remark on your attire as she pointed up the stairs, “to the left, you’ll hear them.”

You ascended and the low hum of 90s music and female voices reached you from the slightly open door just down the hall. You neared and knocked as you waited tentatively. You knew Bucky’s girl from the bar but never had the chance to talk to her. You never did well with strangers, always the weird one, the funny one.

“Hey,” Bucky’s girl swung open the door, “just in time.”

“Um, hi,” you stepped into the small bedroom, “I brought tequila.”

You held up the bottle as you peered around. The mechanic was on the bed, her brows arched sardonically as she watched the quiet baker girl that sat at the slim desk and checked her appearance in a hand mirror. She hovered a stick of eyeliner in front of her face but never made contact with her skin as she bared her teeth. You put the bottle down on the corner of the dresser.

“I don’t know how to do this,” she wisped but quieted at her name as Bucky’s girl introduced them, “oh, hi.”

You smiled and stared quietly. You chuckled nervously and rung your hands. “Did you need help? I’ve watched some, um, Youtube stuff on it--”

“Sure,” she lowered the mirror in defeat, “I just don’t wanna mess it up.”

“That’s a lame present,” the mechanic said, “make-up? When you don’t even use it? I always knew Steve was a bitch--”

“At least he got me something,” she handed over the stick of liner as you neared and Bucky’s girl pushed a cushioned chest up from the corner for you to sit, “my pa never did.”

“Just because he’s less of an ass than your pa doesn’t mean he’s not an ass,” the mechanic spat as she pulled at the front of her stiff dress, black with little gems set into the fabric.

“Oh, and look at you, wearing that clown suit,” Bucky’s girl intoned, “we’re all in the same boat.”

“What kinda look you going for?” you asked as you cleared your throat.

“I… don’t know, something pretty,” she smiled meekly.

You nodded and looked over your shoulder at the bottle of tequila. You peeked back at the girl as she squirmed nervously.

“We should do some shots,” you said, “it’s your birthday, right? You should have fun… try to relax.”

“Her, relax?” The mechanic scoffed.

“Shots sound good, I’ll get some glasses,” Bucky’s girl said from behind you.

She left and you asked the baker to close her eyes. You held her head carefully as you stretched her eyelid and traced it carefully. It was much easier to do on someone else. You added a little wing and balanced out her other eye before you sat back.

Bucky’s girl plunked four short amber shot glasses on the dresser and poured as you went over the gift bag full of make-up with Steve’s girl. She chose a rosy shade of pink that you gently applied to her lips.

Bucky’s girl handed out the glasses. The mechanic didn’t flinch or wait before she downed hers. Steve’s girl frowned as she took hers and you gave a thank you as you accepted a glass.

“I can already feel the burn,” the baker girl bemoaned.

“Come on, loosen up,” you raised your shot and downed it, “jeez, how old are y’all?”

“Old enough to know better,” Bucky’s girl said, “you know, you really got yourself in the shit but I’m sure I don’t need to tell you.”

“Oh you mean the local den of assholes,” you snorted, “shot, shot, shot.”

You encouraged Steve’s girl until she reluctantly knocked back the tequila. You took her glass and your own and went to the dresser. You refilled them and offered her the second.

“You really don’t learn,” the mechanic blinked.

“No, I do but I’d rather be drunk and miserable than sober and miserable,” you raised your shot, “and you guys, this,” you pointed to them, “the look, sure you got some years but you’re still young enough. You needa show some skin.”

“It’s below zero,” Bucky’s girl narrowed her eyes.

“The tequila will keep you warm,” you nudged Steve’s girl and mirrored her as you drained your shot.

“She’s gonna get us all killed,” the mechanic muttered.

“No, I’m gonna get you lit,” you grabbed the bottle and turned up the little speaker in the corner before shimmying over to her. You filled her glass and took a swig directly from the bottle, “also, I can hardly feel anything anymore.”

💀

“I’m telling you,” you slurred, “you can’t wear that! We stop by my place and I’ll get you the look.”

“The look?” Bucky’s girl interjected, “you mean the hypothermic style?”

“My nan has more style than all of you,” you stumbled off the main road away from the bar, “come on!”

“We’re gonna be late,” Steve’s girl squeaked.

“For what? It’s your birthday,” you grabbed her hand and ran ahead.

The other two followed a few feet back as you led them down to your nan’s house. You dragged her up the steps and leaned heavily on the door as you burst through. The smell of cigarette smoke met your nostrils as your grandmother appeared in the door of the front room and puffed as she watched you sway.

“Nan!” you dropped the baker girl’s hand and outstretched your arms as you grandmother swiftly sidestepped you and sucked on her cigarette.

“I see you’ve made friends,” she tutted, “try not to make a mess of my house or you’ll be cleaning it up, drunk or not.”

“We won’t be here long, we just need clothes… you got any of that wine left?”

“No more for you, girly,” she chided.

“Girls, girls, girls,” you turned back, “this is my nan. She kills bikers.”

“Shut your mouth, girly,” your grandma snarled, “you might be three sheets to the wind but words carry.”

“Do you?” the mechanic spoke up, more and more quiet as she imbibed.

Your nan gave her a long look. There was a moment of silence, understanding, commiseration. The old lady shrugged and tilted her head.

“I haven’t messed with bikers since 1978 and I don’t plan on starting again,” she butted out the cigarette in the empty coin tray on the console table, “go on, get what you need and get out.”

“Ugh, fine,” you moped away and waved the girls up the stairs behind you.

You leaned heavily on the railing as you ascended and they followed behind you in disorder, several times supporting each other in the climb. Inside your room, you pulled open your closet and looked at the impulse purchases you never had a chance to wear. You don’t know why you bought them, they were all cheap and generic, but you were always a sucker for a sale.

“Here,” you handed the mechanic as shiny silver top with straps, “I should have something to go with it.”

You handed out clothes like candy, some of the tags still attached so you ripped them off clumsily. The mechanic ended up in the silver top and black pleather leggings, Bucky’s girl in dark blue dress with cutouts that you ordered in the wrong size, and Steve’s girl in no more than bright red bra and some high rise jeans.

“We’re gonna freeze,” Bucky’s girl whined.

“Suck it up and put your coat on,” you snapped, “now, we’re ready for fun!”

“Steve’s not gonna like this,” the baker moaned.

“You need more alcohol! Who gives a shit what he thinks?” The mechanic nudged her, “he’s a prick.”

“They’re all pricks,” Bucky’s girl giggled, “what’s this?”

You turned as she pulled out the bottle of Smirnoff hidden in your top drawer. It was still sealed because you didn’t like the grape flavour but she quickly broke the plastic. She took a gulp and scrunched her face as she held it out to Steve’s girl.

“No more, it’s too much!”

“If only Thor hadn’t dragged his girl off,” Bucky’s girl pushed the bottle to Steve’s girl’s lips, “but we gotta make up for her, don’t we?”

“Shit, shit,” the mechanic chuckled and grabbed the bottle as the baker struggled to swallow, “we’re gonna get in some shit, girls.”

“Is that idiot ever happy? Loki? What a dumb name?” Bucky’s girl snarled.

“They all suck,” you added.

“Ugh, don’t get me started on Sam,” the mechanic wiped her glistening lips, “preying on a kid.”

“I’m not… not a kid,” you hiccuped.

“You didn’t know who Aaran Carter is,” Bucky’s girl said, “you’re a kid.”

You laughed and took a swig and cringed at the burn of the vodka, “I’m an adult.”

“Sure don’t act like it,” the mechanic said loudly.

“Who gives a fuck? Tonight, we don’t,” Bucky’s girl said, “come on, let’s go see those bastards and show ‘em we don’t fuckin’ care.”

You snickered as you found your coat where you left it on the bed and the lot of you staggered down the back steps and around the house. The winter air crawled over you and sent a shiver up your spine. You hardly felt it in the warm glow of the alcohol; not the cold, not the dread that had lingered for days, not even the regret. You were completely and pleasantly drunk out of your mind.

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