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junova · 3 years

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𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞.

notes: howdy guys, it's been a while. i've been taking a break and finally starting writing again, yay. it's been a rough few months and still treading through it, but i hope you enjoy a piece of my heart with this one.

if it's any consolation, my heart broke while writing this. </3

pairing — boxer!steve rogers x fem!reader

concept — steve has to come with terms of you not wanting him just as much as he wants you.

wc — 6.7k+ [yeah...]

warnings: 18+, themes alluding to sex, emotional cheating, soft!steve, heartbreak, kind of unrequited vibe going on, over all ✨ angst ✨

Even if it was the thousandth time to watch his body move in the ring, you still were memorized by the way he moved. You were in complete admiration of how his hips flowed so fluidly through his punches. Just like always, he was aware of your presence as you stood next to Sam and Wanda, both of them with proud smiles on their faces as he defeated yet another opponent.

Watching as they raised his arm, declaring him as the champion, something he’d been striving so intensely for, the past few months. Even if his body was bruised and littered with the hits Rumlow had been able to mark his body with and not to mention the busted lip, making him taste the blood with nearly every swallow.

It didn’t matter because he had followed through with what he had set his mind out to do. The looks Rumlow was giving him after all the smack talk he had served him was satisfying enough. Even if he didn’t think you did, he saw you standing there alongside his friends, celebrating the win of his life.

He couldn’t but smile proudly at your presence, even if the disapproval you have against his lifestyle was well known between the two of you and everyone else in your friend group.

Steve knew you weren’t a fan of the injuries you brought home in your shared apartment, the nights you actually stayed there. With Jordan’s absence from New York, you’d been staying there more consistently than ever.

He would never admit it out right, but it made his heart full. With you home, he could protect and he worried wherever you weren’t there. Even if he knew you were fully capable of defending yourself if need be, it would always make him feel better when you were close to him.

Just like him, you could confess it even to yourself, but when you were back in the apartment you shared with Steve, you’d always felt safer.

He went straight to the locker room, to clean himself up as best as he could without making his friends and Tony wait too long. He’d usually go straight to them but the group took notice he held himself back when you were around.

The first match you went to and he came up with bruises running along both rib cages, a bloody nose accompanied by a busted lip, he immediately took notice of the way you cowered away from him. Barely even looking at him as you congratulated him. From then on out, he realized how much it bothered you to see him physically injured.

When you’d come, he’d always make sure to clean himself up before. It really worked out on the days he didn’t want to be around many people. Only the stragglers from the crowd would be left, and his friends who supported him nearly every time.

As soon as he made his way over to the group, he was met with Sam’s warm smile pulling him into a warm hug. You found yourself wincing as soon as Steve did. “Easy there big buy, bruises are still fresh.” Sam let up just a tad, before everyone was congratulating him. You stood back with Tony, watching the proud smile grow on his face as he watched his prodigy surpass his monumental goal.

“You should think about coming to more matches. He fights better when you’re here watching him.” You twisted your neck so you could see his coach more clearly who was standing right beside you. “I’m sure he plays just as well when I’m not here. I still watch them everytime, just from home when it’s too much for me to stomach.”

You looked forward away from Tony, Steve coming into your line of vision as Sharon, his ex who had surprisingly shown up to corral by his side, someone you’d hadn’t seen near him in the past few weeks since she’d been out of the country for work.

“His technique and endurance is the same, but his intensity always rises higher when you’re here. I’m not the only one who notices, maybe the only one bold enough to say it to you.” Tony spoke as watched the man he took in when Steve was just sixteen.

Truly, it made his heart swell with pride to see him reach the level of success he had been dreaming for him since the pair had met. Knowing Steve for the past five years, also made him hyper aware of the girl he never seemed to shut up about, not that you’d ever find out.

No matter how much Tony was dying to let the words slip off his tongue.

“I’m just happy to be here for him.” Keeping your words short as you watched Sharon move closer to him, her hand resting on his chest and he didn’t even move away from it. You tried to ignore the ugly shade of green rising in your chest, but with him it always seemed to show.

Not that you’d had a right to, you weren’t single or emotionally available by any means, but the thought of him being with someone who had hurt him so much made you more protective of him than you had a right to be.

“C’mon little dove, have you thought about why you’d rather stay in the dinged up apartment with Steve than be with your boyfriend of three years across the country?” He pressed harder, making sure you were careful of your response. “My friends are here and so is my family. I can’t just leave everyone I love behind.” Your gaze never left Steve’s as he finally was out of Sharon’s grip.

“Steve’s here, too. You sure it has nothing to do with him?” Part of you couldn’t stand there with Tony and lie to him because you weren’t sure what was the nature of your relationship with the boxer.

Thankfully, you were saved from responding by the devil himself as made his way over to the two of you. Much to your dismay, he had to get in a few more words before Steve was in earshot. “Just think about why Steve lives with you when he’s had more than enough to move out for a while now.”

Before you could even process the words leaving his mouth, your favorite man in the ring immediately has you wrapped up in his arms. Holding you so close and so tightly, not even caring if it put more pressure on his lungs than he wished.

“Congrats on the win, Champion. I’m so proud of you.” The arms you had around him were placed gently, too afraid to put any weight on the new bruises. Not to mention the old ones which were still healing.

Once he pulled away from you, just enough so you could look at him. He hummed at Tony and with one nod of his head he knew when the young boxer wanted to be left alone. More times than not, it is usually with you.

“I thought you weren’t coming tonight. Isn’t Jordan in town?” Not even when it was the biggest moment of his career thus far did he care to indulge in his victories. Always it seemed to be looking after you.

“Stevie, this is your night. We don’t have to talk about me — we’re always talking about me.” For a moment he almost bought your act until he looked into those dazzling eyes of yours, ones he never seemed to grow tired of in the past few years.

“I’m not happy unless you’re happy. So, if you need a night where we just watch romcoms and chow on cookie dough ice cream, you know I’m all yours.” Unknowing to the two of you, everyone of your friends was watching the encounter and still couldn’t believe you still were with your current boyfriend.

Or that Steve was just waiting for you patiently. Something that didn’t come easy for him around women. Before you, he didn’t really do relationships with women that didn’t end with him in their bed at some point. Somehow, much to everyone’s dismay, he managed to keep his interactions platonic with you.

At least in their eyes.

“No, Stevie. I’m fine. He just didn’t follow through this time. It’s not the end of the world, I’ll be fine. Tonight, I just wanna be by your side and celebrate you.” Although, he didn’t really believe you Steve decided he would let it go.

“Regardless of it, thank you for coming tonight. Means the world to me.” It really did. Even more so, when he felt like he was one of the reasons you were still in Brooklyn and not in California living with your boyfriend instead.

“Oh, hush bubba. You’re getting so soft on me and you haven’t even had a proper drink in you yet. Let’s just celebrate with our friends, yeah?” You kissed his cheek sweetly, before you were off to Bucky and Nat’s place to get properly fed and surely get Steve drunk off his ass.

It really was the elephant in the room you were choosing to ignore. The fluttering feeling of adventurous butterflies traveling to spaces you didn’t know existed. Everytime he pulled you close to his side or kissed your temple.

When Bucky would do something monumentally stupid, he would whisper a line in your ear humorous enough to hear you laugh. Even right now, when you knew he was exhausted, muscles sore and aching — Steve was still tending to whatever you needed.

In this moment, your body nestled between his legs as he draped his arm across your chest, letting him hold you close was exactly what you needed. Even if you tried to remove yourself several times because of the new injuries, he would never let you.

“What’s next, Rogers?” Steve watched as he craned his neck towards Sharon. You’d almost forgotten she was here, she’d been so quiet most of the night.

“A whole lot of rest and then in a few weeks, right back into training.” He spoke with pride because winning the title went hand and hand with defending it. “You should come to the club. Danielle’s been itching to see you, again.”

Steve grimaced, not just as Sharon’s words, but with how stiff your body became. The way you rubbed back and forth with the tip of your fingers against his forearm came to a halt.

You weren’t really sure what to do because now you felt horrible for even feeling like you had a right to be upset in the first place. Because you didn’t. You weren’t single and Steve was. In this space in time, he did nothing wrong.

When you followed Nat back into the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine, away from him, it felt like he had made a mistake.

Just watching as you followed Nat up the pathway, in your pretty green dress, as you messed with the necklace adoring your neck. Something he learned you did when you were anxious.

“Why would you bring that up now? In front of her?” He was slightly pissed off she had driven you away and out of his arms. Steve would have you within his grip constantly if you would let him. Not that you did, but it was still a certain something he found himself wishing for. More than not though, someone else always seemed to hold your attention whenever he wasn’t in the ring.

Jordan. Tony. Sam. Natasha. Bucky. Wanda.

Tonight had seemed it might go in a different direction, until Sharon steered your mind elsewhere. One where you were a girl who missed her boyfriend. Or at least that’s what he thought.

Unknowingly to Steve, Jordan was the last thing on your mind, which allowed the guilt to settle in. Maybe, just this one time it was rightfully placed. The thoughts you were having scared you senseless — making you want to do something you knew you shouldn’t.

You just sat there on the padded bar tool as Nat grabbed a bottle of white with a bottle of red. Like time and time again, Nat read your mind just as she often did. “So, why couldn’t he come this time?” She drilled into you, her iridescent daggers as piercing as ever.

“He said he forgot his mother asked him to help her move out of the house. He said he’d make it up to me some other time.” Just like always.

But you held your tongue before voicing it to anyone other than yourself. It’d been months since you’d seen him in the flesh, and it was the first time he spoke to you in days when he informed you he’d been unable to spend any of his time off with you.

“He’s just never here and he keeps asking for me to move to Los Angeles, but my whole life is here. Before, he never seemed to really pressure me. He was always patient with me to travel at my own pace but I think he ultimately thought I would eventually go there with him.” You breathed out, scared of the truth dripping right out of you.

“I just-, you know what? Nevermind. It’s isn’t important.” She was never one to bite her tongue, but she found herself trying to when your feelings were involved.

“Tell me. What is it?” Your curious, bambi eyes peering into your soul, dying to pull the confession right out of her.

“Do you even miss him when you’re apart for so long? I’m not judging but it just seems like you’re okay. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, but why don’t you ever go to him or Jordan to you?” Natasha spoke softly, afraid she might be poking the bear just a bit.

“Of course I miss him. I would see him if I could. I’m just a little too busy right now with work and my family.” You attacked back, feeling the need to defend yourself.

“Are you really going to make me say it?” With both bottles of wine on the counter, she went to grab three more wine glasses — for Sharon, herself, and you.

“Say what? What the hell are you talking about?” You pushed her as she put out the bottles of wine as she managed to link the three vines of the glasses in her left fingertips. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have said anything.” She was regretting it now, because maybe you weren’t quite ready to hear the words everyone else knew to be true. Anyone who was around the two of you could see it.

Perhaps, Nat never spoke a word of it because at the very least, she thought you wouldn’t be as naive to see his feelings. The ones he seemed to offer you on a silver platter, whether you wanted to reject or accept the offering, giving it to you wholeheartedly.

Following her out the patio door where the two of you stopped, not moving a step further. She didn’t really say anything either. Letting you bask in the glow before the fall.

He was laughing so hard, his hand clutching his chest as him. Golden hair shining bright by the fire pit, almost as

lively as his smile. Even if it looked like his spirit could have been beaten out of him tonight, he’d never show it.

When he had trouble keeping his eyes open, he’d force himself to stay alert because moments he could spend with ones he loved seemed too precious to pass up. Especially over the past few months — he didn’t even have to think twice about it.

Through the schedule Tony had him on, his life was eating, breathing, living boxing. Training every day in the gym, whether it be furthering his techniques in the gym to Tony making him regret any mistake he made in the ring.

Even some days he was just weight training when Tony told him he could rest. He couldn’t though. Not when he could taste the sweetness of his dreams on the tip of his tongues.

Every day, dawn till dusk, training consumed every moment of his time. Steve thought his body was restless before, but now? Nothing came even close to this.

Leading Steve to be blissfully unaware of what was actually going in that fantastically bold head of yours.

“Just spill it, Romanov.” You pressured her, but your eyes were too weak to redirect your directions elsewhere. Only Steve holding your attention at one.

“Remember when Steve left for Spain for three months with Tony?” Your body stilled, having a feeling you knew where this was going. Regretting you told her what had happened with Steve in the first after promising him it would just stay between the two of you.

“It was the year Jordan and I had split for two months.” The memory of what happened always clouding your better judgement. The way his eyes shined still haunted you. “Steve had already been there a month when it happened and the second I told him he insisted on flying me out.”

Looking at him fondly, across the greenery before speaking so softly as if he was right next to you, “I could never say no to him. I still can’t.” Nat tried to ignore it but she could see through the fog of your first love fading even if you were trying your hardest to avoid the inevitable heartache.

The care you held for him was oozing out of you, bursting and breaking at the seams. When you kept thinking of him more than a roommate, more than a friend.

“Dove, you can’t just keep pretending your feelings don’t exist. The more you try to bury the root deep the more it will grow.” You knew she was right, but you really didn’t want to hurt anyone.

You supposed you were already causing pain unintentionally. “His biggest insecurity is him. Jordan thinks I’m still here because of him.” You confessed, the ongoing fight no secret to anyone, really.

“Aren’t you?” Maybe if you had been a better liar, you could’ve convinced her but everyone could read you like the back of your own hand.

You hated the spotlight she was putting on you, but even more so because she was right. Moving forward with Jordan meant leaving someone else behind, something you couldn’t seem to prepare yourself to do.

“I love Jordan. He’s my first love and I thought he would be the greatest one, too.” You really want to stop the love and admiration flowing out of you, but you couldn’t choose who you love and maybe it was time for you to stop fighting it.

“Then, I met Steve. He responded to the ad I put out for the spare room in my apartment and we met for coffee.” If you had listened to your mother, her wishes of you not to be in the company of a man who was a complete stranger, you’d never meet the most important person in your life.

“He looked more like a boy back then. Clean shaven. No beard. Steve was still muscular, but not nearly as toned as he is now. But his eyes? They pulled me right in. Still do, every damn time.” You should have held some sort of shame, but you didn’t.

“You should do something about it, Dove. He isn’t going to be single forever.” Nat questioned as you followed her lead, back to the roaring fire.

“Nat, I love Jordan. I could never do that to him.” You really couldn’t, but you also couldn’t find it in you to move with him either. “I know you love him, but you aren’t in love anymore.” Growing closer and closer, back to the group, you saw him clearly.

“What do you mean?” Trying to ignore the pain in your chest as Natasha spoke. “I think you’re scared of ending it with Jordan. Dove. I’ve known you for a long time now and I’ve never seen you look at anyone the way you do with Steve.”

The words spilling out of her lips left you a little broken — the truth spearing you through. She wasn’t wrong, not one bit. Nat never nearly was, especially when your feelings were involved. Steve had become such an enigma to you in the past year.

The line of platonic friendship and overflowing emotional intimacy was becoming too entangled for you to even comprehend.

“Just think about it. I just want you to be happy.” The rest of the night, it’s all you could think about. A few days passed and it was still in the forefront of your mind.

When Steve was walking home with you this week, you couldn’t stop wondering all the hypotheticals swarming inside your dreams.

He could tell, too.

You’d never been so quiet, not ever. He’d like to hear you, especially when you were drunk. Like you seemed to be now, at least to him but tequila that lit a fire in your chest a few hours ago was beginning to wear off. Just when the feelings you kept trying to avoid would seep there way back in like your furry, fat cat Thor when he wormed his body through the gate into the apartment.

“What’s wrong? You’ve seemed off this week.” You felt his hand kiss yours, but he didn’t bother to find it’s home. He’d been keeping his distance or at least been trying to. You'd been so vulnerable lately and the last thing he wanted to do was exploit that.

Ever since Sharon had made a comment about Danielle, and you escaped with Nat, something changed. You more guarded around him, more than you'd ever been since you met.

Steve knew there was a reason for it, but he didn't want to push you — not when it looked like you would combust into a breakdown at any given moment.

“I’ve just been thinking about where my life is going and where I want it to go.” You confessed, letting your words linger. “Jordan wants me to move with him to California and I’m running out of reasons to say no.” In perfect harmony, your eyes met his at the same time.

They weren’t joyful what his bright blues usually possess, but this time they were indifferent. Not even you could read them.

“Do you want to move there with him?” Steve asked you, his heart on the verge of dropping into his stomach. “If it will make you happy, you should.” Shoving his hands in his pockets, you watched him drift away from you.

“I don’t know. It might.” Both of you coming to a halt, walking up to the apartment the two of you shared.

“He’s insecure about you. It’s why he’s pressuring me.” The two of your bodies so close but so far away as you stood in the doorway. With a confusing gaze and pouty lips, practically guiding you into temptation.

“He used to always tell me you were in love with me. He was fully convinced, still is. I never thought so. You were just my best friend, that was it. I just never really thought about it unless Jordan brought it up.” You would have loved to blame your sudden outburst on the alcohol, but it was something you'd been dying to do.

Before you never had the guts, but you a felt a pull towards Steve lately, like maybe there was something more trying to burst under the seams.

“I thought Tony was bullshitting me, fucking with me, but I didn’t ever give it a thought. Then, Nat brought up Spain.” Nights you told yourself were a mistake, but deep down it was the probably the safest you felt in a long time.

“What are you talking about? What did Tony say?” Fetching for the key, he slid it in before opening the door for you and following you inside. “Steve, why do you still live here?” Blushing cheeks and a string of incoherent words was all you could make out from him.

As he headed for the small couch, trying to make up an excuse good enough. One which you’d actually believe, he hoped.

“You make four times as much as me, if not more. For some reason, you’ve decided to stay in this shithole apartment — it doesn’t make sense.” He wished you would make sense of it, that way he didn’t have to say a word.

“Do you want me to move out?” He questioned, watching your movements. If you wanted him to move out, he wouldn’t hesitate to do so.

It was the last thing you wanted, but the line between your friendship with him was always blurred. Only now, when it was vaguely pointed out by the two people close to the both of you — it became more apparent than ever.

“No, I just, I guess I’m asking why. You know you’re more than welcome to stay here as long as you’d like, but this place is a dump, Steve. Why on earth would you wanna stay here?” When he looked up, where you stood above him having a hard time biting his tongue.

Because you’re here.

It’s what he wanted to say, but he didn’t have the right and he would just be an asshole if he put you in a compromising position. He already felt guilty enough with his feelings in the first place, he didn't need to pile on.

“I guess it’s just easier to stay. It’s so close to the ring and I’m maybe a tad too comfortable.” You sat next to him on the couch. Finding yourself trapped in the green of his eyes. “Don’t you want something better?” Maybe it was him or maybe it was you. Neither of you could tell.

The two of you inched closer until Steve was caressing your thigh, just with the tip of his thumb. “I’m more than happy with where I’m at.”

“Well, I’m asking because I need to go to California. Just for a bit. I need to see Jordan, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen him.” He didn’t stop touching, not even with the mention of his name.

Even if it pierced him every time you talked about him. Or when Jordan came to town, he felt like he didn’t exist to you.

He didn’t blame you, not at all. Jordan was your highschool sweetheart, and you wanted so badly for it to work but something was holding you back. Something you were trying to let go of.

“He loves me so much and wants to start building this whole new life, but how am I supposed to tell him?” Steve said nothing, letting you sink into the ground.

“He’s been nothing, but kind and loving. Always there, always supportive. The best partner I could have asked for.” Steve laced your hand in his like it was the most natural thing in the world, making butterflies erupt at full speed.

You couldn’t really pinpoint a moment when he started, but all you knew is how safe his warm, calloused hands made you feel. Since the moment you met, never failing to comfort you when needed.

“Then what’s the problem, Dove?” Steve questioned you, untangling his body from yours.

If he was going to help you, he needed to think and being so close to you wouldn’t get himself where you needed. Above all, you didn’t make any easier when a small whine left your throat — tugging at his heart strings.

“We never talk about what happened in Barcelona.” You watched his body tighten, muscles in his arm constricting.

It made him feel just as uneasy as it did to you. At least you could find comfort in that.

“Dove, there’s a reason for it. You and I both know it.” Steve was right. His self righteous sense of nature always kicked in when you wanted it the least.

“You don’t think about it? Because I do.” Pushing weight on his heart, you were very aware you held. You weren’t too naive to know just how much he cared for you, but coward enough to try and make him admit it first.

“You were broken up, things are different now. We’re home where you have a boyfriend and I have boxing.”

“Yes, where I have a boyfriend who wants me to abandon everything I hold close to me to join him without even bothering to ask me what I want.” You puffed out, exhaustion coming in overflow. “The past year, he hasn’t once asked me what I want.”

The boy with golden locks found himself wanting nothing more than to hold you in his arms, nurse you back to health with all the love he could offer.

But even he knew he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t keep on spreading himself thin over a woman who was so conflicted, so distraught she was collapsing within herself. If he wasn’t too careful, he might fall right beside you.

“Before we got back together, he asked me.” You confessed, feeling better as soon as the secret flew from your mouth. “He asked you what?” Steve pressed on, a bit terrified of it truly, but even he had to know.

“He asked if anything happened between us the months I was there and I lied. Ever since we met, he’s been insecure. He thinks I’m going to leave you for him and it wasn’t the first time he asked either.” You wish you hadn’t dealt with the two of them so poorly, but with the expression on Steve’s face you knew you had.

“He knows I lied and it hurts even more he stayed with me anyways.” Steve didn’t move, his fear keeping him still.

“I don’t know how to be his after you, but I don’t know how to let go of my high school sweetheart either.” You felt trapped, in between an impossible decision. An old love, who loves you past your mistakes, past the hurt and a soulful heart admiring you from where you’re at and nothing less.

“Those nights don’t have to mean anything if you don’t want them to.” He spoke softly, his beautiful orbs catching yours in the moonlight peeking through the window.

“They mean too much to me, that’s the problem.” If he didn’t move as you inched closer to his body, planting yourself in front of him, you could tell he was straining himself.

“Do you remember the first time?” He looked confused, wondering if you truly were bold enough to speak of something you shouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. Your hand found his chest, feeling the pulse of his rapid heart beat. “I was so shy and timid the first time with you, but you guided me so well.” Too fond of the memory of him worshipping every part of your body.

The very thing he wanted to do since the moment he met you, but Steve wanted more than that. Now more than ever.

“You don’t have to remind me, Dove. I remember.” He swallowed deeply, trying to erase the permanent memory of your body writhing beneath him, moaning out his name, begging him for more.

He still found himself thinking about it. Those two months with you had just amplified what he felt even more because now he knew what it was like for you to wake up in his arms, bare skin against his own.

The way you curled into his chest, your arms wrapped around his waist for optimal comfort.

Or when he’d wake up before you, which was most days, he’d find you murmuring his name in your sleep while soft fingertips caressed your skin lulling you into a more peaceful slumber.

“I never forget, Dove. That’s the problem.” With one finger, he pushed back the hair falling in your face tucking it behind your ear. “I tried to move past it, I went on a couple dates with this woman, Danielle.” You already felt your heart clench at the thought of him with someone else.

“She’s kind, smart, and beautiful and she seems to like me. Sharon keeps bugging me to take her out again since she set the two of us up.” Steve was trying to talk calmly, but he couldn’t ground himself. Especially when you only seemed to pull back further from him.

It was weird that Sharon set the pair up, considering she dated Steve not too long ago but it seemed she could put her feelings inside if it was for your despair.

In her daunting eyes, you were the reason her and the promising boxer broke up in the first place. As cliche as it was, she offered Steve an ultimatum after six months of dating — her or you.

Steve picked you.

It wasn’t like he loved her at that point. He did care for her, but you just meant too much to him. When kind, iridescent eyes met his own for the first time Steve never was able to stop thinking about them. Or you for that matter.

Carefully calculated as Steve could be, he managed to trap you between the closed door of his bedroom and his toned body.

“But I want to hear you say something before I do.” His gaze never faltered for a moment as he played with the hem of the short slip dress adoring your taut figure.

Half of your mind was begging you to retreat into your room and forget the last time you’d been pressed up against him like this. The other half wanted to see what he would do once he knew you were in the palm of his hand once again.

You had a feeling he already did.

His beard was grown out and his silky, golden hair that almost reached his shoulders make him look even more deliciously sinful.

“What’s that?” You tried not to gulp loudly, but if you even made the slightest movement, he would notice. “Tell me you’re in love with him.” His soft thumb caressing your side, not sure if he was trying to soothe himself or you.

“Just tell me five years down the line, you see him right there with you. Just say it, so I can move on.” He couldn’t even look at you, he couldn’t take the inevitable. “Tell me we’re just friends and Jordan’s your future.” You met his eyes, the prettiest blues you’ll ever see.

Commanding your attention without even trying — every damn time. You weren’t sure what you wanted, but you knew seeing him hurt was chipping a piece of you away. Watching his arched eyebrows furrowed in distress, fine lines being made in the middle for proof.

Soft fingertips met his skin, smoothing out his furrowed brows, closing his eyes trying to remember what you smelled like. Just like Sharon reached her breaking point, he had too. Steve couldn’t watch you any longer without being the one you wanted without a doubt.

“Stevie.” You softly whisper, before pulling him into your arms.

Even if he was double your size, he let you hold him as best as you could. Comfort him even if you were the reason he’s breaking.

The strong, persistent boxer had been transported back to the sick and thin kid he once was before all the guns and glory came. Steve was right back to where he got rejected by anyone and everyone. A time and many places where no one gave a damn about Steve Rogers, not anyone he wished for.

You watched him untangle himself from you, but you weren’t sure just how much time had passed. A few minutes? Thirty? An hour?

Only time could tell and she wasn’t really on your side at the moment.

“I’ve only found love once. Back in high school, there was this girl, Hazel. She was kind, sweet, eyes that shined like fresh honey. The first person to ever show any interest in me and I was in love with the fact that someone actually wanted me.” Steve felt his heart clench at the memory he wished to forget.

“I truly believed I loved her with every fiber in me and I thought she cared about me too, until I realized she was just using me to get to Bucky.” You watched the distress wash over him again and you wanted nothing more than to make him feel appreciated and loved. Not rejected and forgotten.

“It broke my heart for months because I truly believed I was in love with this girl who I hardly knew.” He sighed deeply, like he somehow already was aware of the soft whisper of goodbye.

“It always kind of stayed with me, not ever feeling like I was good enough for anyone until Tony found me. Graduated high school and I started training dawn till dusk until I couldn’t anymore just to start all over and do it the next day.” He was looking everywhere but you. Even if there was not a thing in this damn hallway, but two pressured hearts.

“Not too long after, I met you and I remember thinking this is the most extraordinary woman I’ve ever met in my life.” Now, feeling like an absolute dick because you truly didn't deserve for this wonderful man to be in your life.

“You were so kind to me and you had no reason to be, but I learned it’s just who you are. This amazingly bright full beam, shining their light on everyone else — not paying attention to how much they give even if it’s everything they have.” Your skin felt hot beyond comparison, the passion in the words he spoke deeper than the memory of his skin against your own.

“I always tried to ignore it, how stupidly kind and thoughtful you are. How much you take care of me when you don’t have to. You cleaned my wounds for months without even asking me what I was doing.”

“I already knew you had a boyfriend, one you love very much, but I couldn’t stop myself from being around you. Now, I have to leave. I need to move on for me because I know how this ends for me — how it always has.” He sighed before walking away, leaving you hanging in every conceivable way. You didn’t notice the suitcase by the door before. Until he was walking out of the apartment with his possessions in hand — out of sight and out of mind.

“Wait!” He was already making it to his car, the old beat up pickup truck he couldn’t seem to get rid of when you reached him. “I just need time, Steve.” You’d been sprinting after him, until you caught up to him, making his attention fully focused on you.

“Jordan’s the only boyfriend I’ve ever had — I don’t know how to let him go.” You were crying because maybe, deep down you were hoping you could have your cake and eat it too.

“And you’re the only person I’ve ever been in love with, Dove. I can’t keep sticking around hoping you’ll wake up one day and feel the same.” He emptied his belongings in his truck before returning his attention towards you.

“Steve, don’t do this. Please. Don’t leave me.” You’d become so dependent on him, more than you realized. “You’re the only person who truly loves me and not for who they want me to be.” Trying to plead with him, but it felt like you were only pushing him even further away.

“Then tell me I’m the only one you want.” But all he was left with silence because you couldn’t and he already knew what you didn’t. He knew you hated change more than anything, that you’d rather stay in what was comfortable even if you were presented with a different option.

Someone you wanted more.

With tears in your eyes, you looked up at him like he was crushing you and there was nothing to stop the numbing feeling. He sympathized, maybe more than he liked to admit, it’s what he chose to live with over the past year. It started the moment he met you if he was truly being honest.

He knew there was nothing left for him, no matter how much his heart clenched at the sound of your cries. He couldn’t be the one who was always taking care of you, loving you, when you didn’t feel what he felt. It was splitting him open, and you just kept taking pieces of him away — parts of him you would hold forever.

He let you cling onto him one more time, begging for him not to leave you. He let you believe he wouldn’t as he calmed you back in a false sense of security. Until you were asleep in his soft sheets later that night, leaving you lonely in the home you’d been sharing.

With only half of his belongings with him, he pulled up to the project he had just completed. Even now, with not a single hope you would ever see it after he just abandoned you, there was still a light hope you’d be able to at least see it one day. If Steve was ever strong enough to face his heartbreak again.

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blissfulparker · 3 years

Text

Pointing The Gun→ Bodyguard!Tom

Pairings: bodyguard!tom x royal!reader

Warnings; mentions of guns, mentions of being shot, isolation, smut

Summary; the daughter of one of London’s most royal families always has a gun pointed at her, Freedom restricted and never having one true friend or love in her life. Although one bodyguard, one safehouse makes everything change.

Wc: 6kish??

A/n; This has been sitting in my drafts for months but and I had a hard time wrapping it up but I finally figured it out(somewhat) Anyways, bodyguard!Tom is one of my fav AUs so I hope you guys enjoy

Staring out the window of the large office you had sat in waited in was an all too familiar feeling.

The tea served in front of you grew cold as it had now been an hour since you received it from the front desk assistant. You envied her, The women who only worked in the front of the building, an assistant probably not even earning more than 15 an hour, you envied.

She didn’t have to worry about her life on the line every second of the day. She didn’t have to worry about if her family was dead or alive. There wasn’t a red dot pointed at her chest nearly every second as a price tag held the hunt for her high.

Even if it wasn’t the most perfect life the front desk office assistant lived, the idea of going home to an animal or a lover, heating up leftovers and going to sleep peacefully was an action you wished you had.

The two men talked outside. One being your father, the other being a new possible bodyguard for you. The last one wasn’t the best, he didn’t get To know you that well and he was more of a robot than a human as he stood tall by your side, talked when needed but shut up the other half.

He quit to go work for some celebrity who’s name you never got. You only hoped she would hear him speak more than two words as you’re almost positive that the only words he ever spoke to you were ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ as he left.

Your heart didn’t break though over that bodyguard that left you. your heart broke as your youth was stolen from you and in the next 48 hours you will be sent off on a private jet to a safehouse. A safehouse with some random new bodyguard promising to keep you safe until whatever threat was on you this time was cleared.

“She will be ecstatic to work with you.” You hear your fathers voice on the other side of the wall. Working was a poor term, ecstatic was even poorer.

“Thank you.” And there you listened as the poor boy signed away his life as he didn’t know what he was getting himself into. Thinking he’s only shaking hands with one of London’s most important family heirs to royalty and thinking he gets to have a getaway with the princess, he'll be lucky to even be alive in the next two weeks.

“(Y/n),” your father opened the door. Besides him stood a broad frame, a boy who looked to be around your age, you prayed for him even more.

A frown forms on your face when you realize his blood will be on your hands. His family will hate you and blame you for the loss of their boy.

He wore a tight black shirt that showed how strong he was, probably to show off that he is capable of helping the damsel in distress. Wears an expensive watch around his wrist, an older one, looks to be a family heirloom. Along with a ring on his finger, his fingers and hands look as if they’ve been broken before. You can tell he’s been in a position of a bodyguard before, the way he stands and holds himself. You could see him with a A-list celebrity but none that can harm him. Maybe a famous model who thinks she needs protection but she only needs to be protected from how many shots at the club she takes. Or maybe he’s worked for some actress who thinks she’s worthy but it’s just average. All of those things were Making his past jobs easy.

He thinks he knows what he’s doing, you tell yourself, what an idiot.

“Meet your new bodyguard, Mr. Thomas Holland.” Your father introduced and you only let your tired eyes glance over to the innocent man.

“You don’t have to call me that, Tom is alright.” He doesn’t reach out his hand. You mentally furrow your brows as the man always reaches out his hand to kiss yours as if this was the 17th century and princesses were the most respected people in the world. You could go as far to say that the office assistant was more respected than you.

You don’t say anything, you only look at him when he walked in but then turn your attention back to the city that rushed outside. Wishing you were one of the people running down the street late to work. Wishing you were normal.

“She’s a little distressed.” He mumbled words to Tom and then went into explaining the next 48 hours. The next 48 hours where you would be away from London and most likely on a remote island with only a radio to call back to land.

You knew the long painful drill all too easily. A new safehouse, a new start, a new everything you keep you safe.

Before you knew it the two of you were being walked out of the room. Pushed into a car and driven to a nearby airport where the two of you would start a new life for two weeks.

A new life where Tom would get himself killed.

The first night spent together was long, the two of you found yourself on an island, there were people, locals that didn’t speak English but you would most likely never see them again.

Tom led you into the house. You had to admit, maybe if you weren’t so caught up with the pain of thinking of the way you could die or the way your new and shiny bodyguard could possibly die, you thought he was attractive. He had a large frame, clearly fit. He had a sharpen jaw and deep brown eyes, curly chocolate hair and when his skin brushed against you it was soft, soft and he smelt of cedarwood and oak. A deep forest scent and soft skin, his teeth were white and straight and his lips...his lips you already knew tasted of the mint chapstick he had applied numerous times during the plane.

He held your bags for you even though you tried to hold them yourself. Even at one point protesting that if anything did happen, his hands were full.

He was a gentleman through and through as he helped you with most things already. He was more of a comfort than a bodyguard. He made dinner for you and reminded you that he was just down the hall. The thing you liked was that he cared and didn’t push. He didn’t try and push you into confessing things or sharing your life story—as some bodyguards did.

He also wasn’t too quiet, he offered you his care beyond just his strength and guns. He reminded you he was here, asked if you needed anything wherever you guys were, and had a small spark in his eyes that showed he cared.

“Good morning.” His words are sweet. You felt awful as he was kind to you and you were cold to him. “I made some coffee already.” He told you and you smiled at him.

“Thank you.” You mumbled. If he was going to be your bodyguard, alone in your safehouse for the next two weeks, you needed to get to know him. You knew the cold distant thing didn’t work, for it never did.

“I’m sorry.” You mentally cursed yourself as those were the first words that came out of your mouth. You hadn’t said much but the first thing that did come out was that.

“Why would you be sorry?” He looks over. On the couch, he has the news playing. Local news in a different language, they talk about farmers markets, local crimes, sob stories that you hate hearing about because it makes you sound spoiled.

“You’re getting yourself killed.” You told him and he got up from the couch, his coffee cup empty and he places it in the dishwasher.

“Oh yeah?” A stupid smirk formed on his face, it didn’t take a poet to read his face for every time that smirk appeared he was ready to tell a bad joke at an even badder time. “I don’t see you pointing the gun.” His arms fold.

A stupid smirk as if this was all a game. But This is the closest he’s been and the most he’s talked to you as a conversation.

“Still.” You walk past him and before you could go far he catches your arm. His smile slowly dropped as he sees nothing works with you. No amount of space or time would you seem to open up to him. Even if it’s only been a few days, he knew the longer he stayed quiet the longer you did too.

“I’m here to help you.” He promised. You never heard it from someone’s mouth. He was here to help you, didn’t mean he wanted to help you. He was being paid to keep you alive. You had to remember that.

“I know.” And you slipped away from his grasp and walked out of the room. “But you’re going to die trying.”

Leaving him alone, frustrated, and able to check off a few more things from the list of things you were said to be: Stubborn.

Tom knew exactly what he was getting into when he was asked to work for you. The daughter of a wealthy family with a dark past. Your father was a successful politician and businessman, your eldest brother becoming the CEO of a company he started, then there was you. The heir to everything they owned. If both your father and brother were to die, you would be the richest women in London, possibly even the world.

So people wanted you dead for a good reason, money. With the money you were the heir to, you could do anything in the world with.

There were companies out to kill you, people who were promised half the money if they were to kill you. Kill you like they did your mother, they killed your mother in hoping to get your father and brother and take over but it was too quick, they only killed her.

The man who murdered your mother was never found. He was rumored to be seen, rumored it was a family member, rumored to be many things but all Tom knew was that at eight years old, you were in the house with her and were the one to find the body. Now you were destined to have the same faith.

So when Tom stepped into that interview with your father, he knew he was signing his life away. He knew everything there was to know about you but he also thinks deep down there was a girl who needed help, that to keep her alive he had to listen to her.

Tom had found comfort in the large safehouse, it felt like more of a mansion than a safe house, he spent half his day in the gym, another half he found himself finally having time to read as this was his first bodyguard job where he wasn’t constantly on his feet. All in between he checked in on you, you who only came out of your room to get water, food, or any other thing you might need but you didn’t talk to him. You also were the first person he thinks he’s ever protected that he didn’t hear talk.

Once he protected a D list celebrity who was so far in her head all she talked about was herself so he guessed that being with you was a change of pace. But he wanted to know. He wanted to know what there was beyond what the media had presented of you.

The smell of spices and the heat that filled the house drew you out of your room that night. Tom, Tom wearing another tight shirt and sweatpants, cooked in the kitchen. He wore glasses, you didn’t think he wore glasses. You looked at his file, of course you did, he didn’t have any eyesight problems. He was allergic to daisy’s though, that made you laugh. Such a tough guy allergic to such a dainty flower.

“Do you need help?” You say as you lean against the kitchen door. He jerks his head up, shocked that you came out of your room as the past few nights have been dinner with himself.

“I-Uh-yeah,” he clears his throat. Step 1 of being a bodyguard, never let your client get you flustered. He just broke step one. “Can you cut the chicken?”

You nod, taking the knife from him and going over to the cutting board. Cutting the raw chicken into smaller chunks while he worked on peppers, adding them into the pan before taking the cut chicken from you and throwing it in there as

“Do you miss home yet?” You start a conversation, you were willing to get to know him. But not fall in love with him like he had maybe hoped you would. You would break his heart—quite literally as he would die.

“No,” he states. “My family knows I’m safe wherever I am, my best friend and brother is taking care of my house and my Tessa.” He comments.

My tessa, you think. Of course he has a girlfriend at home, someone as charming and attractive as him, he had a girl.

“Tessa?” You repeated and he nodded as he stirred what was in the pan.

“She’s beautiful, found her when I was around 14–“ found was an interesting way to say you got a girlfriend. Slightly disrespectful even. “She’s always excited to see me and is so spoiled, I mean she takes up half the bed and—“

“Tessa is a…”

He lets out a soft chuckle, turning to see your worried and confused face.

“A dog, darling. Tessa is a dog.” Your heart starts to beat normally again and you let out a soft breath. You shouldn’t even care if he had someone at home or not. If he was talking to someone or if he was more of a hookup man than relationship or relationship more than hookup. None of that should’ve mattered as you remind yourself he is only your bodyguard, you could control your hormones and control everything for however long you stayed here as you’ve done it before.

“She sounds lovely.” You say. “I’ve never had a dog.” You admitted. It was true, no dog, no cat, not even a fish as you were always gone, never around to take care of it.

“Really?” He has a higher pitch to his voice.

“No, we always moved around so much that I guess I never really got to settle down to have one.” You shrug and he leans against the counter. For a moment he takes in your beauty, something he didn’t even get the chance to do as he first met you. And you were gorgeous, he knew that from the pictures but seeing you in real life was different. Even if you just wore an older tee shirt and sweats, you had eye bags as he assumed you weren’t getting the best sleep. You were scared, he knew that.

“Maybe when this is all over I can introduce you to mine.” He offers before turning around and continuing to stir the meat.

“I hope you like burnt tacos.” He jokes and for the first time he sees a small smile and the small sound of a laugh leave your lips. If only he knew he was the first one to make a laugh leave your lips in a long time.

Tom was a funny man. Over dinner he told you joke stories about past bodyguard jobs he had. He told you about his childhood and he made you feel normal. Even though you knew it was wrong, you saw him as a friend. He made you feel normal, his cooking could use some work but it was the thought that counted—you had bodyguards cook for you before and it was way better but Tom allowed you into the kitchen letting you hold a knife without thinking you’re going to accidentally stab yourself.

“I feel so safe under the arms of a criminal.” You laugh as he finished telling you the story of when he was a kid he would steal candy from cinemas and small shops when he didn’t have any money.

“I was 11 and I know the wrongs now.” He laughs as he swallows the last bit of food before coming over and touching the small crumb that managed to get on your cheek.

For a moment, his touch was so soft and so settle you almost forgot what the feeling of butterflies felt like in your stomach. For the feeling of butterflies were forgien to you since relationships were mostly restricted. You’ve snuck away a few times as a teen, just to feel an act of rebellion but nothing romantic. Romance was almost laughable to you as something so sweet and so nice could never truly last like it did in the books and movies.

He clears his throat realizing he was too close, he leans back and looks down at his plate that was nearly empty but he didn’t want to stop talking to you. He liked hearing your voice and he knew in this moment, he was seeing the true you.

“So what about you? What crimes have you committed.” He teases and you let out a soft laugh.

“Not really able to commit crimes when you can never leave the house or never go anywhere. I guess my worse crime would be sneaking out.” You joke and he makes a small face.

“I guess that is rebellious.” He laughs and you do too. He feels bad for you, you had never had the normal childhood everyone else did. He told his whole story and he could see a small light in your eyes like you’d hoped for that too.

“Sorry I was...distant for a few days.” You don’t make eye contact with him. “My dad is super protective of me and I guess it just gets exhausting knowing there is a threat but always hiding, always being away, you never get a night out you know? I don’t think I’ve ever had a night where I’ve gone to a pub or even just a day where I’ve casually walked through town. I want that, you know?”

He doesn’t nod because he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what it’s like to always have a red dot pointed at his chest, well, he does but not the target they truly want.

“Yeah.” He moves his legs and offers to take your plate. You hand it to him with a thank you before getting up to help him with the dishes.

“You can go get some rest, I’ve got this.” You only stayed silent because you didn’t want to argue with him. You also didnt want to push your limits.

He was a bodyguard. Not a friend, not a lover.

Two weeks pass and you and Tom learn to know each other more and more. In the mornings you two have coffee, the afternoon you have lunch and go for a small run in the forest—you wear a hat and sunglasses for protection. Evening you two make dinner together and late at night you both find yourself reading in the living room—two nights ago you fell asleep and tom carried you to bed.

Tom was the kindest person you had ever met and you had met a lot of people. Not only was he kind but he was selfless, he put every need of yours in front of his even if it wasn’t apart of the job. He was the most of a friend you had ever had and quickly became your best bodyguard.

What worried you about Tom is how when you got back home, when the threat was cleared, he was most likely to leave as your father wasn’t fond of the idea of you having a bodyguard for too long. Your father claimed it was so you were better protected, that if they were a mole they couldn’t figure out that much.

So two weeks into living with him felt like the longest bodyguard you had. A bodyguard who actually said goodnight was nice as he helped you to bed when you were too drunk or tired.

“Careful Tom!” You had started using his name with less spite and more care. You two loved to find youselves in the kitchen seeing just who could fuck up dinner more.

“I'm not even doing anything!” He holds his hands up, maybe it was all the hormones but you dreamt about gripping on his muscles while holds you—

“You’re stirring too quickly.” You quickly snap yourself out of whatever thoughts would make you awkward for the rest of the night. “You'll burn it.” You come behind him and take the spoon. His eyes slightly red as he had already drank a little bit too much tonight. You found that your Tom drunk was giggly, playful, and teasing.

“I don’t think one could stir too quickly, Princess.” There were plenty of pet names. Princess, darling, Angel, peaches, he had an array of names. He seemed to love the one Princess.

“I think you are.” You take a sip of your wine and he turns down the temperature of the stove before grabbing plates.

Assembling two plates of food for the two of you. As you go to grab silverware, you stumble over the tile and Tom is quick to catch you.

You hiccup as maybe you’ve had enough for the night but still wanted to drink some more. Toms hands around your lower back is a forgien feeling. For the last time you think a man had touched you was when you lost your virginity at 17. Toms hands were large, rough, but at the same time so soft.

“I got you.” He says and you look down at his arms, the small space between your chests and then his lips but finally you make it up to look at his eyes. His eyes where he even the tiny of red, the glossy finish over them as you knew he was tipsy. You could tell something deep in his eyes saw something as well. He saw hope with you, hope that he knew he shouldn’t have.

“Think that’s enough drinking for you.” He takes your wine glass and takes a sip from it. You huff as he was much stronger so when you tried to grab the cup, all he did was put his hand out and stopped you.

Dinner was sweet as usual, you two talked and laughed. Having dinner with Tom at the small wooden table was the first time you had a home cooked meal at a dinner table since your mom died. Since you were eight years old. It was strange to laugh like this, you feel bubbly as you never expressed yourself like this to anyone else before and all it took was a few weeks, bottles of wine and many failed dishes.

“I think your cooking skills have improved.” You teased and he swallowed his bite before cocking his eyebrow.

“Darling, I am a good cook, I just...am rusty.” He jokes and you smirk at him.

“Sure…” you tease and he scoffs.

“Give me time I swear!” His words were harmless but you hated time. Time was limited. Tom was limited.

I’ll give you all the time I have, you think. If you could you would. You would give him all your time.

As you tried to get up from the table you nearly trip over your feet once again, catching yourself on the table but Tom is quick to come to your side and help you.

“Okay,” his laugh was so soft yet deep, you could fall asleep to the sound of his laugh. “Now we know for sure you’ve had enough to drink. Maybe we should get you to your room.” He teases and you roll your eyes.

Even though you’re completely capable of walking yourself, Tom walks you down the long empty hall to the bedroom with the slight crack to the door.

“I can walk myself.” You joke and he lets out a soft laugh.

“Yeah, you tripped twice tonight.” He teases and as you got to the door you stood in front of him. He wasn’t towering over you like other bodyguards you’ve had in the past, he was just the perfect height. Being this close you could see everything better, even if the hall was dim and only lit with the moon that was full and bright.

He had soft pink lips, a freckle on his lower lip and though they were thin they were a slight shade of red from the wine and the faint smell of mint came from the chapstick he wore.

You don’t even know you’re doing it, your hand subconsciously goes up to brush the soft scare in between his eyebrow. It splits the hair and creates a soft dent.

Your thumb brushes over it and tom doesn’t move, he only watches your face as you become amused by it. He becomes amused by every part of you.

“You have a scar.” You comment the most obvious and he takes a soft hold of your wrist.

“I hit my eye on the monkey bars, had to get stitches.” He told you and you move your hand down from his brow but he still holds your wrist. He doesn’t even realize that your hand now rests on his cheek.

You hold his gaze, the two of you were completely frozen. He can’t kiss you, he knows this. He was your bodyguard and nothing more, he was here to protect you and that was it. When he gets back to London, you and him will be parted and the only memories he can hold onto are the ones from the magazines.

“Tom.” Your voice comes out as a faint whisper. Almost as a squeak.

“I-I can’t.” He blinks away. He lets go of your wrists and turns around as if he were to walk away from you. He was so close and now he was walking away from you.

“Please.” You reached out for him and he clenched his jaw.

He didn’t know how long you two would be here, he also started to see you as something more. Morning runs filled with laughs, your afternoon reading sessions filled with blanket sharing and often times you falling asleep on his shoulder. Dinner was always the best, dancing and laughing over most of the time half burnt food.

“Your dad will kill me.” He comes back to being face to face with you. He was right, yes, but that was the last thing you wanted to think about.

“He’s not here, is he?” Your hands rest on his shoulder and he swallows hard. Hard enough you see his Adam’s Apple go up and down and his eyes find yours.

“You’re going to be the death of me.” He says. If only he knew his words were quite literally. You may one day be the death of him, and that was why you knew you shouldn’t do this.

“I’m not pointing the gun.” You use his own words back at him and before you can say anything else, he presses his lips against yours. His hands come around your lower back to press you against his body. You are already pulling at the lower ends of his hair, tugging at the nape of his hair as he’s pushed you up against the hallway wall.

He’s quick to take you into the bedroom and have you in your own bed, quivering under his touch as the moment he removes your shirt he is met with no bra, this entire time you have been walking around this house braless and that drove him crazy.

“So fucking soft,” he touches up your stomach and takes each nipple into his hand before taking attention to each one.

As he kisses down your body, he kisses over a faint scar, a scar that resembles one of a wound, a bullet wound. He looks up at your face and he sees how your eyes are screwed shut so he doesn’t take anytime ro question it. For maybe it was something better left alone.

To think that this entire time you were living with a sex god made you mentally slap yourself. He was selfless in every way as he paid all his attention to you.

“Shit darling, fuck you’re tight.” He comes down to plant a kiss on your lips.

“P-Please Tom, f-faster.” You cried and your wish was his command as he buried his face into your neck and your nails dragged down his back.

“I want to hear you,” his breath isn't even shaky as he pounds into you. “Let me hear who’s making you feel this good.” He told you and you didn’t hold back.

For nothing was around except trees and nearby lakes, although even the trees whisper, the trees head everything but the two of you don’t know that.

First it was one, then two, then three orgasms until you begged him to stop. Everything felt so good but so much, it amazed you how long he could go.

Moments after you two lay in pure silence, he cleans you up and makes sure you’re alright, you had never had someone take so much care after you two were together, but Tom took all the time with you.

“Was I too rough?” He asks and you shake your head. Your head rests against his chest and you trace soft circles over his chest.

The soft moonlight falls into the room, your bodies sweaty and intertwined with each other and for a moment you forget where you are. You forget that you are hiding in a safehouse and that Tom was your bodyguard and that when you got back to London he would be nothing but your protector. The closest he would come to touching you would be his hand pulling you out of danger.

“Do you want me to stay?” he looks at you, his hand comes to brush your face and for the first time you look at a bodyguard, look at him with such passion and answer,

“Stay.” With your sweet words and his soft touches, for once you feel a sort of calm. For once you don’t have to feel like you’re dying.

The next two weeks you spend with Tom in pure bliss. Feeling each other’s love everyday, each day was filled with more and more excitement.

You hadn’t had much updates on your threat, not much at all as the only messages Tom received were ones telling you guys to stay safe.

But everything had been too quiet. as you felt safe, Tom hated himself for not telling you the nights he woke up in a sweat with you by his side, swearing someone was watching you. Swearing someone watches as you slept. He neglected telling you that after you fell asleep, he looked around the house as something was off.

He no longer left his gun in one room as he always had it on him. You thought he was being over dramatic but he told you it was to keep you safe.

“Your hair is so soft.” You kisses along his neck as your hands are tangled in his hair. As he loves the feeling of your lips against his neck, he feels something is different. Someone was watching the two of you.

The feeling he felt as you woke up, restricting you from your morning jogs. The feeling he felt causing him to keep the blinds closed a little bit longer.

As he tries to keep his attention on you he fails. His grip tightens on you but even you know it’s not in a good way.

“What’s wrong?” You look up and his eyes are locked at the back door. Your eyes look over and you see nothing. you always could tell when a bodyguard sensed something. You knew when Tom woke up, pulled you closer and in the morning blamed nightmares, you knew where all the guns were even if they were ‘hidden’. The way you felt him tense like there was someone else in the room.

“Tom, you’re scaring me.” You move closer towards him and he snaps his attention back to you.

“Someone's here.” He says and gets up from the couch quickly and his hands were wrapped around you still. He had one hand on your lower back and his other hand reached into the couch and pulled out a gun.

“Go in the bedroom.” He ordered and you looked at him ready to protest. “This isn’t a argument Princess, go.” He nearly barks at you and you do as you’re told. You run to the bedroom and get the phone, the only phone that you’ve been able to have signal with and you make the call.

For years, you never cared about your life being on the line. Knowing your faith would go out the same way your mother did, you only hoped you hadn’t a child to watch you die. Now, you knew toms life was on the line and for the man who made you feel something for the first time in years. You couldn’t let him go. Your life had been filled with death and tom was the last person you wanted to see go.

The door opens and your head snaps up and you point a gun. Tom holds his hands up, he holds back a smile as he taught you well. Taught you better. How in the middle of the day he would teach you how to point a gun, how to shoot in case he failed you.

“You won’t fail me.” You remember saying. “You’ll never fail me. Although I might fail you.”

“We’re clear, for now.” He came to you. Helping you to your feet as you huddled in the bedroom corner. “You’re okay.” He promised. He was the first bodyguard to pull you into a hug, kiss the top of your forehead and make you feel safe. You swear, under the muffled sound of his lips pressed to the top of your head you heard him say, were okay. You wanted him to say it louder but this would do for now.

“Don’t go dying on me.” You held him tighter. “Please.” His heart broke at your words.

He didn’t know if it was right, he certainly knew that his job wouldn’t allow it but deep down he knows if you allow him, more than sex, he’ll love you. He can love you.

“You’re not getting rid of me that fast.” For maybe his jokes in serious times weren’t the funniest but he was here.

He can’t hear it, maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him but he swore he heard the soft I love you from your lips. Nuzzled into his shoulder tears fall and he holds you close.

He wouldn’t die on you, not unless you were the one pointing the gun. With him you were safe and for once, with you he was safe.

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#bodyguard!tom #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland au #tom holland angst #imagine tom holland #tom holland x you #Tom Holland fic #tom holland x y/n

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sleepy-belphie · 4 years

Note

I have a request if you’re up for it. An MC who just arrived in the Devildom who’s lover just dumped them the day prior. The bros know MC isn’t emotionally or romantically available at the time but the bros still fall in love regardless. How will the bros handle the situation? Thank you! 🙏💗

Hi! I sort of took this idea and ran with it and wrote basically a headcanon short story for each bro lmao. Sorry I got a bit carried away but I hope you like this and it satisfies you! :)

Also thank you so much @midnight-dome for the help with Asmo, you’re a lifesaver

Tags: @kawaiiblack

~~~~~

Lucifer:

The success of the program depends on your wellbeing

So he checks in on you every other day like clockwork

“Is there anything you need to make your stay more comfortable?”

You always say no

At first, he’s glad you’re staying in

Because it means less trouble for him

But when you skip all of your classes one day, he comes to your room ready to give you a firm reminder of your tasks here

He’s about to knock when he hears you sob

Now, Lucifer has heard a lot of crying in his life

But he’s never heard someone sound so completely broken

He shocks himself when he turns on his heels and walks away

He shocks himself even more when he texts the group chat and demands everyone leaves you alone for the day

That evening he comes into your room with a small plate of food

By then you were are least on top of your sheets

You knew he was gonna ask the same question as always

But this time, his words were different

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Help?”

He simply nods

And though he didn’t outright say what he meant by help, you knew

“I...don’t know?”

“Hm, okay. I’m going to listen to some music in my study. The door will be unlocked should you wish to join me.”

Then he’s gone

The few precious moments Lucifer isn’t working, he prefers to not be disturbed

So why on earth did he invite you to join him in his study?

He doesn’t have time to ponder it because the door opens and you come in with a blanket wrapped around you

The first night you both listen in comfortable silence

A few nights in, you start asking Lucifer about the records he puts on and he has no qualms educating you on it

On night 10 you tell him about the breakup

Once you’re done he, again, asks the same question

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

‘You’ve done more than enough to help me Lucifer, thank you.”

He finds himself blushing from the sincerity in your eyes and the warmth in your smile

That night you fall asleep before the record finishes

Surely you’d wake up aching if he left you in a chair

So he picks you up, carries you to your room, and tucks you into bed carefully

He tells himself he’s doing it for Diavolo

It’s for the program, this is his job

He’s gonna need time to accept his own feelings before he can tell you anything

For now, he’ll keep doing his “job” and spending evenings with you

Mammon:

He didn’t want to be your babysitter

He was a busy guy! He had stuff to do, money to make, things to steal

Some days he gets Beelzebub to keep an eye on you so he can do what he wants

One night in particular he heads to your room to make sure you won’t interfere with his plans

“Yo! The Great Mammon has things to do so don’t-”

He pauses when he sees you sitting on your bed with your headphones plugged into your laptop

He would have assumed you were just watching a sad movie by the tears streaks on your face

But the pain in your eyes…

He’s seen that look before

His brothers held that same look the day they fell from Heaven and lost Lilith

Mammon sits on the bed and you jump, finally noticing him

You expected him to make fun of you but instead, he grabs the tissue box on your bedside table and hands it to you

He glances at your laptop to see what you were watching and sees a paused video of you and someone else

You tell him about the breakup and Mammon listens closely

“What a jerk! Ya deserve better than that! I’d teach ‘em a lesson if they ever showed their face around here!”

You smile for the first time since he came in the room and he feels like he’s done something right

“How about we get some late-night food? I know a 24-hour restaurant with the best baked newt ever. Your treat.”

He’s shocked when you agree

He makes a point to hang out with you more often

He can’t recall exactly when you went from “a human” to “his human”

Maybe it was when you held his hand while you erased all your photos and videos of your ex from your computer

Or when you texted him at 3am because you couldn’t sleep and before he could even think about it he was up and on his way to your room

Or when he spotted you in one of his jackets while walking home from RAD

But his greed was kicking in and he wanted you to be his and only his

However, much like he puts himself first, he knows you need to do the same

So though his nature and mind wants to kiss you silly and have you for himself

Part of him knows he’ll ruin things if he lets his greed take over

So he’ll fight his nature and try his best to be patient

Leviathan:

He had been playing one of his games online

He’s on a big winning streak and feeling a bit cocky

He sees he’s been matched with someone else so he gets into gamer mode

Then he loses the first round

He’s a bit shocked and pissed that his streak was now broken but he has to prove his superiority to whoever this opponent was

So he rematches them

And loses again

And again

He loses 7 rounds in a row

By this point he is fuming

So like any salty gamer he sends a very lengthy, angry message to their inbox

Accusing them of using cheats and hacks because there was no way anyone was more skilled than him at this game

He gets a reply a few minutes later

“Um.....is this Leviathan? Avatar of Envy? It’s MC…”

You knew it was Levi because his username is the same across all his social media platforms

Cue Levi barreling into your room a minute later

“How are you so good!? You’re cheating, aren’t you!? You cheater!’

You weren’t cheating, you just had been playing games day in and day out to distract yourself so you got really good at it

Levi all but demands you to come to his room and show him what you know

You were already playing all night anyway so why not play with someone?

Initially, Levi would have you come over just to show him your tactics

(Also to get some team wins on his stats because he never has anyone to play with)

But you were actually pretty chill for a normie

Maybe if he exposed you to his otaku ways you would take to them and he wouldn’t be the only one in the house anymore!

You don’t become an otaku but you do get invested in almost every anime he shows you

He starts inviting you over for midnight premieres of new episodes

He starts buying extra merch because what if you wanted one?

He was used to disproving looks from his brothers when he mass buys stuff from Akuzon

But you only smile and listen when he tells you about his new special edition item

You never once judged him and his unconventional ways

This epiphany makes him extra nervous for your weekly hangouts

It was only a matter of time before you came across a break up in an anime

When the episode ended you told him about your break up and how the protagonist reminded you of yourself because they also were taking a break from love

Levi has seen this anime before actually

He remembers how the protagonist reacted to a side character confessing to them and it went bad

So while he knows he likes you, he holds off on saying anything because the last thing he wants is to be a bad story arc in your life

Lucky for him he’s always a flustered blushing mess so you shouldn’t suspect a thing

Satan:

He is the Avatar of Wrath so whenever there is rage, he is aware

He feels anger radiating through the house one day and thinks his brothers are just fighting again

Imagine his surprise when he realizes the source of the anger is coming from your room

He walks in and sees you throwing things around and screaming, your room was destroyed

He sees you’re about to step on some glass and instantly swoops in and picks you up so you don’t hurt yourself

But then you curl up against him and burst into tears

He stands there, not quite sure what to do

He ends up sitting on the bed and letting you cry for a while

You word vomit about your break up and he listens carefully and notes the anger welling up inside you as you speak

He knows all too well what anger can do to someone and a fragile human shouldn’t have to go through that

“Would you like some tea?”

He can spare 30 minutes for some small talk with the human if it meant that you wouldn’t be left in your thoughts

You look at him like he has three heads but agree because your room is a mess and you don’t wanna deal with it right now

Tea time becomes a daily occurrence and soon enough it escalates to full-on hangouts

Going to the bookstore, going to cat cafes, going wherever you wanted to really

One time you both took a day trip to the human world

Lucifer wasn’t happy to find out his brother and you were gone for an entire day but he lets it go when he sees that you’re smiling genuinely for the first time in weeks

What Satan didn’t expect was how these outings made him feel

He finds himself distracted from his books because he can’t stop thinking about how cute you looked holding that black cat at the cafe

Or how happy you looked when you took him to that ice cream shop in your hometown that you really love

He wakes up and you’re the first thing to pop into his mind

He’s not dumb, he knows he’s fallen in love

But he also knows this isn’t the right time, you aren’t ready

So he’ll keep being there for you as a friend

And if you ever want him to be there as something more, he’ll happily oblige

Asmodeus:

There was a movie night at the House of Lamentation

Today’s movie was an action movie, courtesy of Mammon

Amidst all the face punching and explosions, there was a budding romance between the main characters

After the third obnoxious makeout scene, you leave the room claiming you need to go to the restroom

But you leave just a *little* too fast and Asmo can feel something is up

And he thrives on gossip so he intends to find out what is it

He leaves the room a few minutes later and catches you in the hallway, determined to get you to spill the tea

You tell him about the breakup

He wasn’t prepared for the tea to be so bitter

“Oh. Well, you know what’s good for that? Face masks!”

He had to save face somehow and beauty was his default

He’s a bit shocked when you agree but you both ditch movie night to do face masks and talk a bit

He decides to share a couple of bad date experiences he’s had to make you feel better

“Trust me, you haven’t felt embarrassment until you have someone vomit Enfield brains on your new pants and shoes while at one of the hottest clubs in the Devildom.”

You spent the entire night giggling and listening to his stories

Devildom products are surprisingly effective on your skin so you keep asking Asmo to show you new products

Plus his company is nice

Self-care days become a common occurrence

Then those self-care days become self-care sleepovers

He starts intentionally waiting to try anything new because he wants you to be there when he does

He buys more of those scented candles you told him smelled nice

A few weeks later you’re having a self-care sleepover again and you have this really cute focused look on your face while painting your nails

He knows he likes you, but this was different than his usual attraction

He didn’t want to fuck you

Well he did but not just fuck you

He wouldn’t mind if there was something more

But you routinely ended your self-care nights by yelling ‘Fuck love!’ at the top of your lungs and laughing

So he knows now isn’t the time and he’s actually okay with that

You were a sight to behold regardless of his relationship status with you

But he hopes you’ll indulge in him one day

Beelzebub:

Mammon keeps pushing his human watching duties on Beel

But he doesn’t really care because he’s being paid in cheesecake

After his third day of keeping an eye on you, he notices you aren’t eating much

Being the Avatar of Gluttony, this is basically a crime

He starts bringing extra snacks with him when he hangs out with you

“I think the chocolate flavor is better than the vanilla. What do you think?”

He actually doesn’t have a preference

He just wants to know which snacks you like more so he can bring more of them

He makes a game out of it so you don’t think about how much you’re eating

“It motivates me to work out longer when I get a snack, could you help me?”

You sit on his back and after every pushup, you both eat a bit of whatever snack he has

He keeps going until he thinks you’ve eaten a decent amount

Or you say you’re getting full

Belphie notices that Beel is refilling his snack stash more often but he doesn’t say anything

Beel feels an immense sense of accomplishment when you finish your plate at dinner a few days later

Soon after you tell him about the breakup

“It hit me hard but you made it easier to cope, Beel. These hangouts are the highlight of my day so thank you.”

There’s a certain pang Beel gets in his stomach when he’s really hungry

Somehow your words made that pang happen in his chest

But this didn’t hurt him, quite the opposite actually

He felt good, he felt happy

It was strange for his stomach to be the quiet one while his heart went wild

But this wasn’t a change he minded too much

He wasn’t sure what to make of it but he knows he wants to figure it out with you

And he’ll take his time doing so because he liked how things were now

Belphegor:

He’s intrigued by you after the first week of your stay

He’s never seen a human who slept as much as he did

Frankly, he was impressed

Until Lucifer informed everyone about your recent breakup and made it clear to not upset you

That’s when Belphie realized these were not the leisurely naps he takes, but depression naps

One day he sees you sleeping in the living room and you looked so distressed

Sleeping was meant to be a peaceful state but you looked so unhappy

So he wakes you up

“You’re in my sleeping spot.”

You weren’t in his sleeping spot.

“Oh sorry, I’ll move-”

“You’re already here. We can both fit.”

Before you can protest he’s all comfy next to you and falling back asleep

Having another person next to you was kind of comforting so you let it go and go back to sleep

What you didn’t know was Belphie could partially influence your dreams

He can make them more pleasant but he can’t control what you dream about

He knows it works when he wakes up and you have a relaxed expression on your sleeping face

You wake up soon after looking confused

“Good dream?”

“I think? I had a dream I rode a unicorn to the moon then carved my initials into it?”

Napping together in the living room becomes a routine

And every time you woke up you told him about the dream you had with a small smile

A few weeks later he notices he no longer has to influence your dreams for them to be good

So he leaves you be and instead curls up in the attic for his afternoon nap

He wakes up a bit when he feels someone lay down next to him

It’s probably Beel

“Why didn’t you tell me you moved napping spots?”

His eyes open and he looks over to see you pouting at him

“I just sorta ended up here.”

“Well, I can’t nap without my cuddle buddy now can I?”

You’re teasing him and he should be annoyed

But he’s blushing

He spoons you to hide that fact, resting his forehead on your shoulder

But while your dreams were getting better, it didn’t mean you were ready to move on

So he just enjoys his intimate cuddling sessions with you and tries not to think too hard about the fact that he really likes how your body fits against his

#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me fluff #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me mammon x reader #obey me levi x reader #obey me satan x reader #obey me asmo x reader #obey me beel x reader #obey me belphie x reader #annazonabeth

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aletheiamagilee · 3 years

Text

What do you need to hear right now?

A Pick-a-card Reading

Greetings✨ This reading is about what you need to here right now. Choose a number from 1, 2, 3, and 4 that feels right then scroll down to your designated reading. This is a reading for the collective, so take only what feels right for you. This is also timeless, so you can always go back to this reading whenever you feel drawn to it.

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and thus, should not be taken as a professional advice whether legally, medically, or in any other way. Any decisions or actions you make after this reading is your sole responsibility and is not forced on you by me in any way.

For the collective ✨

Is there going to be an incoming event? It could be a birthday or a reunion but could also be other things. Spend your money wisely.

Pile 1✨

Some of you might've ended a relationship recently. Some of you just got in a relationship and is currently realizing the things that you don't click with with your partner. Either way, you're getting uncomfortable, or icky, with how things are going. Here's your message: Someone's coming and changing things. From then on, you'll feel renewed and lucky. You won't see it coming, but expect that the wheels will turn in your favor.

Thank you for your trust and I hope it resonates🖤

Pile 2✨

You're in a sedentary state right now. This isn't necessarily bad. Some of you are simply trying to gain back the energy you lost. For others, you'll need energy for what's about to come. It won't be easy. It might even be lonely. However, you're up for it. Maintain control over your thoughts and emotions. You might have to sacrifice a relationship or two along the way. This could be avoided but you'll have to be vigilant. If you can do these things, you'll reach a path that would lead you to financial success.

Thank you for your trust and I hope it resonates🖤

Pile 3✨

Some of you are going to celebrate an anniversary or something of that sort, an event that involves relationship. For others, it involves a contract. You've come a long way. You've been through ups and downs, some you won some you lost. The important thing here is the lessons you've learned. You still have a long way to go, but I see you going home at the end of the road. Celebrate how much you've changed and recognize the things, people, and circumstances that turned you into who you are right now. I see you finding your fire within you, your passion, or maybe you'll find yourself. You had difficult relationships, and it strengthened your relationship with yourself. Your guides and angels love you.

Thank you for your trust and I hope it resonates🖤

Pile 4✨

Are you in a complicated situation right now? Honestly, the best course of action is to leave, specially if this isn't your mess to begin with. If it's your mess, you'll need to wrap the loose knots first or they'll follow you wherever you go. They might not, but they really might make you overthink. There's a lot of noise and loud thoughts here. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I honestly don't like the energy. You're not hopeless, okay? You can turn the table around. You can choose to learn from this and plan to make sure that you can cut off this toxicity off your life. I wish you cleansing and healing.

Thank you for your trust and I hope it resonates🖤

#pick a card #pick a number #pick a card reading #aletheia magilee

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thegingeralien · 3 years

Text

Thought I might share my “doing homework with adhd” tips in case the might help even just one person (because that would make me feel happy).

Who am I to be giving you advice? Good point! I am still terrible at studying and I’m 26 and at University for the millionth time. But I have studied A LOT in my 22 years of schooling with varying degrees of success.

I see a lot of people, especially teenagers or first year university/college students, with ADHD asking for tips on how to study. But if you do a google search most of the websites and advice that comes up can be extremely ableist. So I hope I can help someone!

TIPS TO HELP YOU STUDY WHEN YOU HAVE AN ADHD GREMLIN BRAIN!:

1. Chewing gum!

- This might come across as a weird one, but it has actually really helped me. I use it as a form of stimming to help keep me focused and concentrating. Other forms of stimming can potentially end up being more of a distraction when you actually need to be reading or writing - but they can help if you just need to be listening. Try not to get a bubble gum or fun flavoured one though - as they can end up making your mouth feel dry, lose flavour quickly, and just give your brain way too many sensory things to become distracted with.

2. Buying colour coded stationary!

- New stationary can make me really excited to start studying, but that excitement never lasts long and the act of buying stationary can sometimes become it’s own hobby. That’s not what we are going for here. I really recommend, especially if you are a visual learner like me, to buy colour coded stationary. This means removable page markers, different coloured post it notes, highlighters, sometimes even pens. This way if your mind jumps from one topic to the other, it doesn’t matter. Go with the flow. Forcing your ADHD gremlin brain to focus can be extremely counter intuitive. So pick a colour for each topic, and stick to that system to find organisation among your own chaos!

3. Buy a really cheap, boring year diary with hardly any writing inside.

- Not sure if your school/university has their own diary but they can be perfect for what I am on about. Generally you can find them for really cheap, soft cover, no writing or designs within the dates. Just dates, days, weeks and lines where you can write your homework. This helped me a lot in High School. I wish I had kept doing it in University, but I am good with giving advice, and not so much with taking it. I used to decorate the outside of it however I wanted. Some years I would redecorate the same diary every semester. In the public holidays or holiday days I would colour those lines in with different highlighters to make it look like a rainbow. But every assignment due date, homework, draft, rewrite, form I had to bring back, library book due date, school activity days, ANYTHING to do with school I would write in there with reminds and check lists. Important due dates would be highlighted, general homework and daily to do lists t(o help me not leave my assignments to the last minute) would have a tick box beside them (because ticking tick boxes is free dopamine). Try to not put birthdays or fun things in it. This is a small way to stay on track so it helps you actually stay on track with the big things when you’re home.

4. Big whiteboards stuck on the wall where you can’t avoid it.

- This is not something I had in school, but I so wish I did. I have been using this recently to keep on top of house work (as maintaining your own house is tiring) and my small business or other things I really can’t avoid. If I physically write it down (not just in my phone) it psychologically does help you commit it to memory. Again, physically putting a line through a task you just completed is a hecking great rush of dopamine. But the biggest reason I love my white board, I can’t ignore it. It is stuck to the wall and is never out of sight, out of mind. I can’t put my phone or diary down and then refuse to look at it until I’m past the due date. Again, I’m not a perfect person, there are days where I don’t do anything I have written on the white board. But the great thing is, I don’t have to continuously feel like I failure, as I can wipe it all off the next morning or week and start fresh. I also put important things I have to remember that I’m doing during the week so I don’t forget them.

5. Icky Medication.

- I know not everyone wants to be on medication, and I understand. I am not forcing you to. No matter what your opinions are, you lovely gremlin who is still reading this post, regarding medication, you are valid and I respect you. My personal experience with medication has not been the best. I have been misdiagnosed for a severe chunk of my academic life which has seen me trying to focus and maintain school work under some even worse states then I am unmedicated! However, since receiving my diagnosis and finding the right ADHD medication for me, I have the ability to get so much work done without having to unnecessarily struggle. It’s unfortunately not magic, it will not turn me into a robot that makes me do work and turn out incredible, noble peace prize winning assignments (as much as I wish that were possible). I still have the ability to be a lump, doom scrolling through tumblr, forgetting to eat, and ignoring responsibilities. But it really helps me when I sit down and start that thing that isn’t fun. Yesterday it helped me hyperfocus on cleaning my office which was a terrifying room to be in. So it’s pretty close to magic in my opinion!

6. Accessing Disability Support at your place of learning.

- Not all of you taking the time to read this will have either a) an offical diagnosis or b) a good disability support available to you wherever you are completing your studies. And that is okay. This dot point just won’t be for you right now. But keep it in mind for a time when it might apply to you, as it’s something I never thought I would need, but will never take for granted ever again.

- If you have an offical diagnosis and Disability Support, make an appointment with the disability support adviser. DO IT NOW! Get your psychiatrist to write a diagnosis letter outlining that you have <enter superpower that makes you hilarious here> and that you are receiving <enter x,y,z treatment here> and that you would benefit from receiving <enter what you have always wished you had on the days you can’t make your ADHD gremlin brain do the thing here>. Now these benefits can be, but not limit to: automatic extensions on ALL assignments, extra time on exams, extra breaks to walk around while taking exams, special consideration when marking assignments, my university allows me to take exams in a separate room with only the other students in my subject who also have disability support (occasionally I have taken an exam alone with only a tutor present) so I don’t get distracted, permission to take fidget items into class or exam (I have the option to wear headphones, as long as I can display that they are not connected to anything). Maybe you can come up with some great ones for you with your disability advisor or your psychiatrist.

- The disability advisor will often go through your course outline with you at the start of each semester or year. This is annoying and a great time for disassociating, but can be useful in hindsight because you are made aware of everything that will come up during your class so you are not surprised. Because lets be honest, it is unlikely you are going to look at the course calendar too often.

- Side Note: I make an appointment every semester with my disability support officer for my area of study to make sure I have my special considerations for the year. Now I may go through the whole year without ever using my considerations. However, the fact that I know they are there takes an insane amount of pressure off of myself. If I’m having an insanely screwy loony tune mental health moment, I can email my coordinator my disability plan and say I need an extension due to personal reasons, and WHOOP, there it izzzzz.

7. Dedicated one thing or a few things that have nothing to do with food/alcohol/other substances to reward yourself with for doing the thing!

- This may not work for everyone. It doesn’t always work for me. I used to reward myself with food, but that only reinforced my stimming with overeating and my already bad relationship with food. And I feel as though that would be the same with any other substance that can be linked with addiction. (Addiction is a tough word, cause what aren’t I addicted to, I have ADHD, but hopefully you get what I mean!).

-Now, boring try and not choose this aside, lets think of somethings that work really well as rewards!

- My partner likes to come give me a kiss and a hug when ever they have written and reread a paragraph, you might buy a book when you get a really good mark, you might want to go make a cup of tea and watch an episode of your hyperfixation after studying for <enter a good period of time here>, you might allow yourself to partake in an activity you usually do while procrastinating (but at least this time you know you aren’t putting something off), talk to someone who you know will tell you they are proud of you as they understand the mental struggle you go through to concentrate (if you can’t think of anyone, it is 110% okay if that person are the amazing people on tumblr or the adhd tumblr chats. We will freaking pop a bottle of champagne for you cause we get it!).

- Try and make what ever you choose be something in a different room or away from your working space. Getting out can really calm you down.

8. Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance.

- This is true for anything, but I don’t mean just asking your teacher to give you extra help understanding the task and marking rubric. Many people online, tutors, librarians at your school, past or present students offer assistance rereading and making small edits (they won’t make it magical unfortunately) to your assignments. If you are like me and once you have written or completed the dreaded thing, you can not imagine or force your gremlin brain reread or edit the thing. So it can help to just delegate this to someone else, who hasn’t read it before, so they won’t disassociate or skim read it. They will often notice things you never would have even if you were neurotypical as that is just what happens when you have been working on something for so long.

9. Repetitive music.

- It generally helps if this has no lyrics. Lo-fi is amazing. Classical is alright too if it works for you, but both my partner and I agree that it can really assist you to keep up pace and focus when the beat is a high and repetitive (almost meditative) tempo.

10. Limit your screen space.

- This is a tip completely from my partner @dr-adhd who also has ADHD, is an avid PC gamer and is consistently in a battle with their gremlin brain to focus on completing their PhD. They have discovered that it really helps them to limit their screen space - simply put, work on one screen only. They have done more work more easily when they have their one screen on their laptop to focus on. Whereas their office has multiple screens so they could be playing runescape, watching YouTube, listening to lo-fi and doing work - which never worked (shocking right hahaha).

11. At the risk of sounding like a Mum... Put your phone and other electronics other than the assignment necessary one, away.

- I am a Mum, but to a fluffy puppy dog, so I hate to sound like my Mum when I was in high school, but she was right. Mobiles are the single easiest and biggest distraction in ADHD history. I often, even at coffee shops, have to turn my phone over so that I am not consistently looking at it every time the screen lights up to say the pizza place has sent me a coupon, or a carpet place that has been having a sale since I was born is... still having a sale, or a friend from school wants you to watch this TikTok. Even though you might not want to ignore your friends, because people pleasing, difficulting making/keeping friends and RSD are hecking real things, but they can all wait. Trust me, none of them are urgent. That TikTok will still be funny in an hour or two. And I’m probably completely right when I say that whomever just messaged you, never replies as quickly as you want them too. So I doubt they are going to think twice if you are MIA to finish your thing.

My partner or I might add to this later, but at the moment I already know that I probably wouldn’t read this wall of words if I was the one reading it, so if you are still with me, THANK YOU and I really hope I might have helped you. Sorry for the mound of words, but maybe you can reblog, screen shot, or save this and read a dot point at a time or refer to it when you need. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, I promise what ever it is, I’ve asked the same thing once in my life or something MUCH stupider.

#ADHD #Study tips #actually adhd #autistic #adhd #neurodivergent #adhd study tips #advice #adhdstudytips #studying with adhd #adhd advice #ask adhd #adhd mood #adhd life #adhd vibe #disability support #uni support #school advice

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kiyodu · 3 years

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The Letters of Vincent van Gogh (Part II)

Quotes I Enjoy:

• When one lives with others and is bound by feelings of affection, then one realises that one has a reason for living, that one may not be utterly worthless and expendable, but it is perhaps good for something, since we need one another and are journeying together as compagnons de voyage.

• I find it hard to bear this thought and even harder to bear the thought that so much dissension, misery and sorrow between us, and in our home, may have been caused by me. Should that indeed be the case, then I might wish it were granted me not to have much longer to live.

Yet when this thought sometimes depresses me beyond measure, far too deeply, then after a long time another occurs too: 'Perhaps it is only an awful, frightening dream and later we may learn to see and understand it more clearly.'

• It is sometimes so bitterly cold in the winter that one says, 'The cold is too awful for me to care whether summer is coming or not; the harm outdoes the good.' But with or without our approval, the severe weather does come to an end eventually and one fine morning the wind changes and there is a thaw. When I compare the state of weather to our state of mind and our circumstances, subject to change and fluctuation like the weather, then I still have some hope that things may get better.

• It is true that I have forfeited the trust of various people, it is true that my financial affairs are in a sorry state, it is true that my future looks rather bleak, it is true that I might have done better, it is true I have wasted time when it comes to earning a living, it is true that my studies are in a fairly lamentable and appalling state, and that my needs are greater, infinitely greater than my resources. But does that mean going downhill and doing nothing?

• If I do nothing, if I study nothing, if I cease searching, then, woe is me. I am lost. That is how I look at it - keep going, keep going come what may. But what is your final goal, you may ask. That goal will become clearer, will emerge slowly but surely, much as the draft turns into the sketch and the sketch into the painting through the serious work done on it, through the elaboration of the original vague idea and through the consolidation of the first fleeting and passing thought.

• You said, we used to agree about many things, but, you added, 'You have changed since then, you are no longer the same.' Well, that is not entirely true. What has changed is that my life then was less difficult and my future seemingly less gloomy, but as far as my inner self, my way of looking at things and of thinking is concerned, that has not changed.

But if there has indeed been a change, then it is that I think, believe and love more seriously now what I thought, believed and loved even then.

• Can you tell what goes on within by looking at what happens without? There may be a great fire in your soul, but no one ever comes to warm himself by it, all that passers-by can see is a little smoke coming out of the chimney and they walk on.

• You may never have thought what your country really is, he continued, placing his hand on my shoulder; it is everything around you, everything that has raised and nourished you, everything that you have loved. This countryside that you see, these houses, these trees, these young girls laughing as they pass, that is your country!

The laws that protect you, the bread that rewards your labour, the words you speak, the joy and sorrow that come from the people and things in whose midst you live, that is your country! The little room where you used in days gone by to see your mother, the memories she left you, the earth in which she rests, that is your country!

You see it, you breathe it, everywhere! Imagine your rights and your duties, your affections and your needs, your memories and your gratitude, gather all that together under a single name and that name will be your country.

• Sometimes he is a person whose right to exist has a justification that is not always immediately obvious to you, or more usually, you may absent-mindedly allow it to slip from your mind. Someone who has been wandering about for a long time, tossed to and fro on a stormy sea, will in the end reach his destination. Someone who has seemed to be good for nothing, unable to fill any job, any appointment, will find one in the end and, energetic and capable, will prove himself quite different from what he seemed at first.

• I should be very happy if you could see in me something more than a kind of ne'er-do-well. For there is a great difference between one ne'er-do-well and another ne'er-do-well. There is someone who is a ne'er-do-well out of laziness and lack of character, owing to the baseness of his nature. If you like, you may take me for one of those.

Then there is the other kind of ne'er-do-well, the ne'er-do-well despite himself, who is inwardly consumed by a great longing for action, who does nothing because his hands are tied, because he is, so to speak, imprisoned somewhere, because he lacks what he needs to be productive, because disastrous circumstances have brought him forcibly to this end.

Such a one does not always know what he can do, but he nevertheless instinctively feels, I am good for something! My existence is not without reason! I know that I could be a quite different person! How can I be of use, how can I be of service? There is something inside me, but what can it be? He is quite another ne'er-do-well. If you like you may take me for one of those.

• A caged bird in spring knows perfectly well that there is some way in which he should be able to serve. He is well aware that there is something to be done, but he is unable to do it. What is it? He cannot quite remember, but then he gets a vague inkling and he says to himself, "The others are building their nests and hatching their young and bringing them up," and then he bangs his head against the bars of the cage.

But the cage does not give way and the bird is maddened by pain. 'What a ne'er-do-well,' says another bird passing by - what an idler. Yet the prisoner lives and does not die. There are no outward signs of what is going on inside him, he is doing well, he is quite cheerful in the sunshine.

But then the season of the great migration arrives: an attack of melancholy. He has everything he needs, say the children who tend him in his cage - but he looks out, the heavy thundery sky, and in his heart of hearts he rebels against his fate. I am caged and you say I need nothing, you idiots! I have everything I need, indeed! Oh, please give me the freedom to be a bird like other birds.

• A justly or unjustly ruined reputation, poverty, disastrous circumstances, misfortune, they all turn you into a prisoner. You cannot always tell what keeps you confined, what immures you, what seems to bury you, and yet you can feel those elusive bars, railings, walls. Is all this illusion, imagination? I don't think so. And then one asks: my God, will it be for long, will it be forever, will it be for eternity?

Do you know what makes the prison disappear? Every deep, genuine affection. Being friends, being brothers, loving, that is what opens the prison, with supreme power, by some magic force. Without these one stays dead. But wherever affection is revived, there life revives. Moreover, the prison is sometimes called prejudice, misunderstanding, fatal ignorance of one thing or another, suspicion, fake modesty.

• If you ever fall in love, do so without reservation, or rather, if you should fall in love simply give no thought to any reservation. Moreover, when you do fall in love, you will not 'feel certain' of success beforehand. You will be a lost soul and yet you will smile.

• When he reads something profound, he doesn't immediately come out with: that man means this or that. For poetry is so deep and intangible that one cannot define it systematically. But Mauve has a keen sensibility and, you see, I find that sensibility worth a great deal more than definitions and criticisms.

• Books like that are filled with reality, but what is more real than reality itself and where is there more life than in life itself? And we who are doing our best to live, if only we lived a great deal more!

• Who is the master, logic or I, does logic exist for me or do I exist for logic, and is there no reason or sense in my unreasonableness or my lack of sense?

• I am anything but a man of learning, and I am so amazingly ignorant, oh, just like so many others and even more so than others, but I am unable to judge that myself and can judge others even less than myself and am often mistaken. But we pick up the scent as we wander about and there is some good in every movement.

• The world, however, does not reason like that and never sees or respects man's 'humanity' but only the greater or lesser value of the money or goods he carries with him so long as he is on this side of the grave. The world takes no account at all of what happens beyond the grave. That is why the world goes no further than its feet will take it.

#vincent van gogh #the letters of vincent van gogh

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a-simple-imagine · 3 years

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A little bit of Devil In Her Angel Eyes

Synopsis: Your entire life changed when you met Sharon Carter in Mandripoor but one bad deal and everything comes crashing down.

Pairing: Sharon Carter x reader

Words: 3.2k

A/N - This is my first story after like a five month slump so please go easy on me. I hope its okay!! I also just reached 1.7k so thanks for that.

Warnings - swearing, mentions of blood and fighting, mentions of illegal activities.

You never lacked interest or empathy, but you'd always felt bored throughout your life. There was little excitement amongst the mundane everyday tasks. You didn't have some grand ambition to work towards; no dream job and no innate desire to settle down and have a family. You were navigating life with no direction. Never feeling like you belonged anywhere. You didn't necessarily see this as a problem but there were moments, late at night, that had you wishing for something more out of life. You just weren't quite sure what that was... until you met her.

A chance encounter in the vibrant neon lights of a dingy bar located in lowtown; a crime-ridden, impoverished district located in Mandripoor. It is the ultimate abyss of vice and degradation, where nothing was sacred and no act profane. A beautiful young woman, who so strongly contrasted her surrounding, sat at the bar sipping on a martini glass. Such a rare sight down here, it was like coming across a mythical creature. Unexpected, strange but oh so magical. One night with the woman was enough to set your senses ablaze. One night turned to two... then three... and so forth. She was the first person to ever made you feel alive; she made you feel like was worth living. It was a rollercoaster of a relationship and you never wanted to get off. And they looked to you with a look of pure admiration. She fed you sugar-coated words and tender smiles that had you on your hands and knees. You would do anything to experience the warmth of her smile or the vibrancy of her melodic laugh. And god was she the most beautiful woman you had ever laid your eyes on. An angel cast in the ethereal glow of the moon. Utterly smitten and unafraid to show it. She was softener than appearance may appear. Not always the best at expressing her feelings, you liked to think that it was evident in the little things she did. Like the cup of chamomile tea, she always offered you before bed. Or the way she always had to be touching you in some way before she could fall asleep beside you. It was clear in her overprotective nature. The way she was willing to break someone's arm just for looking at you funny. She was willing to go to war for you. The relationship worked because you were both getting high on affection; drowning in each other. However, there was a much darker side to one Miss Sharon Carter. A lot of late nights you were left wondering if she would return. She threw extravagant parties that seem innocent enough until she's sneaking off behind closed doors with shady characters. Was there ever a moment she wasn't looking over her shoulder? Rollercoasters go up and up only to fall from grace at high-velocity speeds. A smarter person may have turned and run but you never claimed to ever do what was best for yourself. You were in much too deep. Sharon Carter was a former hero turned double agent who is now one of the underworld leaders of the lawless island nation of Madripoor. Her main area of interest was selling superpowers to the highest bidder; seems there is quite the market for black market super-soldier serum. Sharon also dabbled in acquiring exquisite art pieces through less than honourable measures in order to sell. She wasn't above petty crimes and illegal substances. Quite the reputation did the woman you had found yourself utterly infatuated with. It actually made a lot of sense. And if you were being honest with yourself, you valued your relationship over any morals you may have possessed. In fact, you were actually impressed if not a little intimidated by her. The option to leave was always right there but instead, you found yourself helping her out wherever she saw fit. Why? Because there was no one you cared for more in this world than Sharon Carter.

Bright red lights had been flashing in warning since the beginning of the deal. You had been through a lot together and had watched as Sharon dealt with all kinds of messed up scenarios. You even had helped her commit atrocities but her success had begun to cloud her judgement. Blind to the inevitable. Every time you attempted to voice your concern, she brushed you aside with sweet whispers of reassurance followed by a quick peck on the cheek. Sharon could be so stubborn it was infuriating; she lived with the idea that she always knew best. That she was basically untouchable. A god. It was an attractive trait that had you weak in the knees but it also led to stupid decisions. Everything will be okay. All concern pushed to the side, you chose to believe her.

As the clock struck one, you waited patiently for your girlfriend to return. A pit deep in your stomach that kept you from even considering going to bed before she arrived home. A cold cup of tea sat on the kitchen table as you numbed your mind with the bright screen of an iPhone. The click of the front door made your ears perk up, a smile settling on your lips. Thank god she was finally home, you weren't sure you could handle it much longer. Calling out for her, you receive no response but footsteps echo through the house. Not just one though. Did she have company over? It wouldn't be the first time she turned up late with some associates on her tail. Normally you wouldn't mind but you would have at least appreciated the heads up.

"What-" Words come to an abrupt end as a gloved hand slaps over your mouth. Chair crashes to the floor, phone slams against the table as you're dragged out of your seat. Struggling against a tight grip, they drag you across the room where you notice two shadows lurking on the sidelines waiting to pounce. A punch to the stomach so beautifully engraved with your girlfriend's name has you pushing against the arms that thankfully let go; flinging you to the ground. A black toed boot slams into your stomach followed by a barrage of varying blows. As your vision begins to fade, you're reminded of the last question regarding her predicament. It had been over a very early breakfast staged before a rising sun.

"You're up early." Your girlfriend hums in your ear as arms snake around your shoulders; sleep evident in her voice.

"Couldn't sleep," A purple mug brought to your lips, you take a small sip. "I was thinking-

"How many times do we have to go over this?" Sharon interrupts. "Everything is going to be just fine- I have it handled."

You had heard that many times but it was less convincing every time it left her lips. It left a bad taste behind. As strong as she may have convinced everyone she was, this was turning into the story of Icarus and she was getting far too close to the sun.

"Do you?" Your question is quiet, unsure of how she'll take it. "because this is getting to be a little too much."

"You trust me right?" It always came down to trust. It was the end to this conversation almost every time; basically her personal way of getting you to shut up. You didn't dare express that you didn't have complete and utter faith in her.

"I do." You nod a little.

"Then trust me when I say it's all gonna work out," Voice but a whisper that tickled your ear before she plants a kiss against your shoulder. "I'm gonna make a fresh pot of coffee."

Perhaps it was naïve to think this would never happen but it had simply never occurred to you that they would target you. But of course, they would, you were a part of her life. Sharon was the big bad and who better to target than you. Someone not trained by SHIELD or the CIA. It was an easier message to send. When you finally stir awake, you find yourself staring into familiar dark brown eyes; their flicks of gold a comforting sign. You had never felt pain quite like this before in your entire life. Somehow it felt like your entire body was actively on fire while also being completely numb. You couldn't feel anything other than the pain coursing through your veins at this moment. But at least you were alive. And Sharon was okay.

"Thank god," She spoke softly.

"...h...ey." The words burn your throat as you stumble through such a simple word. Coughing a few times to try and help but it just aggravated your chest. "You're... okay."

"So are you," Sharon leans forward, her lips brushing against your forehead. "Do- Do you think you can walk?" There was urgency behind her tone and the blonde didn't even wait for an answer before she was trying to usher you to your feet. A loud groan slips through clenched teeth. It was a symphony of agony but the feeling was sharpest deep in your chest. Nausea sets in your stomach. a rich throbbing in your head made worse as you shook your head. Sharon took the hint and stopped. "...We can't stay here." You knew that. It wasn't safe here anymore. Everything just felt like too much though. Your body was in torment. You felt like dinner was about to make a reappearance at any moment. And your chest felt worse with every breathe you took. After a moment, the other tries again. Supporting you as she pulls you to your feet; the majority of the work was on her part. With an arm around her shoulders, the two of you moved very slowly towards a car.

"Where... are we... going?" You understood the need to leave but where would you even go? A strong chill rode the late night wind. It was nice out. peaceful. Slumped against the passenger seat, Sharon reached over to click in the seatbelt before shutting the door and getting in the other side. It was proving difficult to stay focused on anything. Your head felt heavy on your shoulders and a sort of cloudiness settled over you. A big sigh on her end. With a tight grip on the steering wheel, Sharon just stared ahead. Was she okay? Watching her for a moment, you lay your hand atop her thigh which seemingly brought her back to reality. Turning to you, she flashes a smile then starts the car. It sputters but comes to life. Nothing was shared as you move along quiet roads. It's always a little weird to see the roads so empty but that quickly changes as you cross over into lowtown. You kind of fade in and out but never entirely. It's rather like overwhelming drowsiness. The car comes to a stop outside an unfamiliar run-down building. A strange choice all things considered. However, it's not so bad once you step inside. The room floods with light revealing a relatively small space covered in an untouched layer of dust. An ugly brown coach sat next to a small old TV. A little dining table sat in the corner. Limping over the threshold, she lowers you to the cold laminated ground. With a little whine of help, you try to reach for her as she begins to walk away but it would take more strength than you have. A quiet exhale as your eyes flutter closed. "Try and stay awake," Her voice drags you back to reality in time to watch her disappear into another room. "Just for a little while." Left alone it takes everything in you not to fall back against the floor. On returning, Sharon takes up space right behind you. You assume she is checking you over as her hand graces the back of your head. Humming ever so softly to herself before slipping over your shoulders and pulling you flush against her. A low groan slips painfully from your throat. Finding a sense of comfort from being in her arms. Despite everything that happened, she still made you feel... unbelievable safe. The two of you just sit there together for a moment, feeling her chest rise and fall. It's hard to miss the blood now smudged across the floor. Things were really bad. "Let's get you cleaned up, okay? A quick shower and then you can go to bed."

You would have preferred to just go to bed but still, you nod against her. You were much too out of it to be making any sort of decisions right now. A disapproving hum as she releases you from her grip. You weren't quite ready for the moment to end. Once again, Sharon helps you to your feet but it's easier this time now that you know exactly what to expect. It still hurt desperately, it was just no longer a surprise when it happened. Stumbling towards the shoebox of a bathroom, the blonde woman turns the nob and water erupts from the showerhead on the wall. Every few seconds she would ask if you're still okay as she very carefully removes your clothes. Brown eyes drifting over every inch of your body and back up; her brow furrowing. Meeting your eyes, she reaches over to place her fingertips against your torso. Applying a little pressure, you grunt loudly stepping away. "Did that hurt?"

"Mhmm,"

Her head tilts a little. "It looks like you have a broken rib but can't know for sure."

Standing before her, you notice a large slash across her left cheek; dried blood leading from the wound. She also had a busted lip and a gash on her eyebrow. Some kind of altercation had clearly taken place. Sharon removed her clothes and was quick to step under the heavy flow of water. Holding out her hand for you to take, she leads you under the water. The heat feels surprisingly nice against your skin. Your eyes meet and then your lips connect in a kiss. The faint taste of copper lingers on her lips but it's washed away with the blood, sweat, and tears of the day. It's forceful and passionate; dripping with emotions. She may have been the reason this happened but you were still grateful she was here right now. "This shouldn't have happened," Sharon whispers softly against your lips. "I... I should have been there." The woman pulls you closer like she had completely forgotten that you were attacked by three people earlier that day. Her skin is colder than expected strongly contrasting the steaming water.

"You didn't know." You mumble into her shoulder. Sharon doesn't answer. Merely lifts your head so you were facing each other and places a sympathetic hand upon your cheek. Savouring the tenderness of the moment is enough to bring your emotions bubbling to the surface. As much as the two of you lived the high life, it took its own toll. This life was hard. And despite never wanting it before, you sometimes wished you lived a much more mundane life but with Sharon beside you. Your brows furrow as your lip trembles. You place your hand over hers and a few tears start to fall. "...I'm scared." There were few moments you found yourself admitting to such a thing but you'd never been attacked before. Not like this. Not because of someone else.

"I know." She replies after a moment. "I am too. I'm really fucking sorry." Leaning in again, Sharon surprises you with another kiss. It's sloppier this time. Rougher. Like she's trying to prove how sorry she is. It becomes a peppering of kisses placed carelessly across your face. You smile a little, a soft little laugh that causes you to cough. "You know I love you right?" You nod a little against her and she backs up a little. Both hands against your cheeks, she meets your gaze. "I love you so much and I am going to fix this. I will protect you."

Oh how you would like to believe those words to be true but it was a promise she could not make. It was a promise she had made many times before and look what happened today? Sharon was in the wrong business to guarantee safety. But still, you wrap your arms around her, enveloping her in a cautious hug. Letting your head fall against her shoulder. You could not possibly be more in love with this woman if you tried. You knew she would do everything in her power to keep you safe. A few minutes pass as you simply let the waterfall over you and then you actually wash up and get out. Cast in the warm glow of the bedside lamp, you're sat in the middle of a double bed with Sharon sat directly across from you. This time you allow the woman to tend to your injuries properly, dapping the back of your head with a damp cloth. "Do you think we'll be okay?"

"I do." Sharon responds sharply. "don't you?"

She drops the cloth that was now stained with spots of red to the bed. You raise your shoulders in a little shrug. Sharon was a very capable woman but it was hard not to be a little worried about the whole thing. "I don't know... I don't... exactly feel great."

"You just need to rest."

"yeah maybe," A solemn sigh slips into the air. You sit in silence as Sharon finishes up contemplating what was to come. Had this just been an attempt to scare you? Would this happen again in the future? How was Sharon even going to fix this? When she goes to close the first aid box, you stop her. Taking the lead, it was your turn to look after her and tend to her wounds. You take some cotton wool and soak it in rubbing alcohol before gently dabbing at her wounds. She doesn't quite flinch but her body tenses upon first contact suggesting it stung just a little. "I'm really sorry this happened,"

"It's fine, you should see the other guy. Besides, you look worse than I do," An attempt at humour but it doesn't land dampening your girlfriend's spirit just a little.

"I'm sorry I made you worry." Dropping the wool, you trade it for some closure strips. "I'm sorry I'm so... useless. I was caught off guard."

"You're not useless," Sharon assures you as you place one strip after the other across the injury to her cheek. "You don't have anything to apologise for. This is my fault."

You want to argue but it's too much for right now wanting nothing more than to climb under the sheets and sleep for the next week at least. "Let's just go to bed." Collecting all the items scattered across the duvet, Sharon dispossesses of the blood-soaked clothe and cotton wool before placing the bright green box on the dresser. Lingering there for a moment, you can tell something off. "You'll stay with me, right?" Turning on her heel, Sharon slides under the covers beside you. You shared a bed often but she was never one to cuddle. Tonight though, she was closer than normal. Her hand rests gently on your waist and regardless of the pain, it doesn't take long for you to drift off to sleep.

#sharon carter x reader #sharon carter #the falcon and the winter soldier #Emily VanCamp

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nymphigeon · 3 years

Text

From me, to you || 07

♤ Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

♤ Genre: fluff, angst, romance, hybrid au, hybrid!Taehyung, detective!reader

♤ Words: 2.5k

♤ Rating: PG-13

♤ Warnings (for this chapter): Mentions of hybrid abuse, swearing.

♤ A/N: Surprise! I'm really sorry it took me this long, but I finally found the time and drive to write again :) Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Synopsis: A story in which he has never known love, so you’ll give it to him.

Series masterlist

06 07

"What do you mean this hybrid doesn't exist?"

Her eyes are wavering with an unspoken fear, perhaps caused by the bitterness my questions holds. I'm not happy, and she knows.

“It’s just, the chance that a dangerous breed such as the tiger hybrid would escape our system is basically zero..” The gaze she held on the computer screen unsurely moves my way. My expression must've instilled another layer of anxiety to the already existing one, as her mouth abruptly stops moving and her pupils dilate.

“Go on, explain.” The tone of my voice softens a bit as I notice her visible discomfort worsening. Even if there is no way that I’ll get any information from this place regarding Taehyung and his owner, I would still like to know why they’re both not showing up here.

Eun-ji takes a few deep breaths to stabilize her voice. As she does her posture slowly relaxes just a little and her eyes lose some of the nervousness they held before. “Because the first ‘successful’ tiger hybrid ran rampant after killing their creator, anyone who still breeds or creates them is being watched very closely by us, as well as by some other institutions.”

Perhaps it’s my lack of reaction that causes her to trail off at the end. Though I’m not judging her or her story, unlike she may think. To encourage her to continue, I give her a nod, tilting my head to show interest.

“The regular citizen isn’t even allowed to have one, needing special training to handle them. It’s like that for most hybrids that find their origins in wild animals. Creating tiger hybrids obviously requires a lot of knowledge when it comes to playing with genes and breeding them…. Well there are only three organization that are authorized to do so. All the resulting hybrids are registered and chipped.”

The explanation, which turns out to be a lengthy one, gets broken by a shuddering breath leaving her lips. She composes herself, clinging on to the little confidence she has left in her line of work to speak about the rest of her clarification.

“Of course people have tried to do it themselves, but those d.i.y operations have always ended in disappointment. If not taken proper care of, with substances only a board certified hybrid doctor can provide you, the pregnancy will fail. These are no easy practices they are dealing with.”

After the girls’ last words I give myself some time to think, letting a silence full of tension fill the room. It must be obvious that my mind is somewhere else at the moment, as the other girl in the room does her best to stay quiet. I don’t need much time however, my thoughts having quickly rearranged themselves as they were trained to do.

“So what you’re saying is, since tiger hybrids are hard to ‘create’, if you will, there are only a few people who actually manage to bring them to life. And so those few people are kept under close watch, as are the hybrids they successfully wake, am I correct?”

Eun-ji nods affirmatively, clearly happy that I seem to understand the situation. “So there is absolutely no way that someone without authorization has had a decent attempt at either genetically merging a human together with a tiger or getting a tiger hybrid pregnancy to be successful?”

Perhaps there might be a bit of scepticism in the question I asked, as her attitude immediately changes into a defensive one. “There is not! Whatever hybrid you’re searching for either gave you a false identity or is not a tiger hybrid at all, which would seem rather unlikely. I told you they get chipped right? Why not go look into that.”

“He doesn’t have one. We already had a hospital take a look at him, they didn’t find anything. ” The statement seems to shock her, the gears in her head instantly turning as to find an answer to this riddle. She however can’t seem to get one.

“They can be removed, can they not? They’re just under the skin. If someone decided to just cut it out they could. Terrifying, but plausible. Either that or one of your faithful authorized employees has been leaking information to outsiders.”

This is where Eun-ji seems to give up. Her shoulders sagging and a heavy sigh leaving her lips. “There would still be the problem of the missing equipment, test subjects, practice… How would you even get hold of fertilized human eggs to play around with? But I guess that wouldn’t be totally impossible. As for cutting it out… There would be a noticeable scar. The implants are always put in the same place, it wouldn’t be hard to miss.”

I make a mental note stating to ask Taehyung about all of this when I get back. If anyone knows how he got onto this world it would be him. “Is there a possibility that you could have someone look into it?” The girl nods in defeat, paying more attention to the ground than to anything else. “I’ll see if I can get someone on the case. I’ll have them contact you if we know anything.”

After those words she turns around in her chair, facing the monitor that had already put itself into sleep, and turns it off. Taking a notepad out of the drawer to her left, she quickly writes something down with the pen from her breast pocket. “I’ll get on it right away. Would you like me to walk you back to the exit?”

I shake my head. “No It’s okay, I’ll find my way back. Thank you for cooperating.” Eun-ji gives me a small smile, followed by a bow and walks out of the room taking the note with her, presumably immediately keeping herself busy with the extra work. Not wanting to waste any time I copy her, walking myself back into the direction we came from. Turns out it proves quite easy to find the exit by myself.

It’s already far past dinnertime when I make it back to the office. Not many of my colleagues have remained in their seats, most of them opting for a nice meal with their families. The few that have stayed behind are mostly known to live alone, quite like myself.

I quietly knock on my supervisor’s door, but when no response emerges from within the room, I can safely deduce that she too has already returned home. “I’ll have to write her a report about today later..” I mutter to myself, before stepping away from the door and instead heading to the cells at the back.

Technically the arrest period had already ended for Taehyung, as the law wouldn’t allow us to keep him locked up for any longer without any charges being held against him. His cell however technically was never locked and so even now, he is free to go wherever he wants. Though it didn’t change the fact that he still has no place to go to.

“Good evening. Had anything to eat yet?” He just chose to stay here and we accepted it. “Oh, hello! Yes, that tall handsome bulky man gave me something earlier, I can’t remember his name. He said something about it ‘being the best shit in town’.”

I slightly giggle at his quote, knowing immediately who it belongs to. “That definitely sounds like something Namjoon would say. What did he give you?”

Taehyung looks a lot better than he did yesterday. The stress of the interrogation seems to have completely worn off, instead traded for the sweet bouncy personality he used to show around me.

“Umm it was something in the shape of a circle and it had meat all over it… Oh! I think he called it a pizza? It was delicious!”

“You’ve never had pizza before?” The words leave my mouth before I actually get the chance to process them, causing me to instantly regret ever even opening my mouth. These days are stressful enough for him as they are, he doesn’t need a painful reminder of the life he never got to live on top of that.

The question doesn’t seem to hit him as hard as I though it would though. In fact, his demeanour doesn’t seem to change at all. Although sadly, it doesn’t make his next words any less painful. “Nope! When I first got adopted all they would feed me was wet cat food. It wasn’t great, but at least I got my three meals a day. The foster family I stayed at after my first owners mysteriously disappeared didn’t actually have the money to even take proper care of themselves, so at that time all I would get was whatever was left of their dinner that day, if there was even any left. It was mostly just greens. The lack of meat made me real sick at the time.”

He pauses talking for a second to look up at my face through the metal bars. The content look on his face quickly changes to one of worry once he catches my eyes. It’s no mystery why, I know I look at him pitifully. Even if he may not wish for my concern, I am only human. I can perfectly hide it when I need to, but this is not one of those cases.

“There it is again, that sad look on your face…” He sits up straight on the side of his bed to fully observe me, a tilt of his head giving him away. I send a sad chuckle his way as I reach for the door of his enclosure, inviting myself into the small space with him. He doesn’t object.

“Is it that obvious?” It was meant more as a way to lighten the mood, not as an actual question that needs answering. He still does however, giving me a simple slow nod. “You don’t need to feel bad for me.”

“Someone has to. You deserve at least that much.”

There’s a chair neatly placed under a small desk in the room. It used to be quite lively, with all kinds of bright colours blending into each other. It was a little positive additive into the dark grey room, but after all the anger that has been acted out on it, it no longer has that same shine.

I pull the chair out to place myself upon it, straddling the seat while I rest my arms on top of the back rest. Facing the tiger I use my arms as a pillow to lean my head on, making myself comfortable on the creaking furniture.

“Say, Taehyung, do you remember anything from when and where you were formed?”

He seems slightly taken aback at first, though quickly regains his composure. He also doesn’t immediately answer, first taking some time to think before coming back to me. “I was born a hybrid to two purebred tiger hybrids. They did their best trying to care for me in the little time we got to spend together, but seeing as it happened on a breeding farm getting to spend time with my parents wasn’t the plan. I got sold off pretty quickly, as soon as I learned to hold my first few full conversations.”

“Do you… Would you happen to know what happened to the farm? To your parents?” I fail to hide my apprehensiveness, needing too much space to form a careful approach. This shouldn’t feel like an interrogation to him, I never even announced one. There is little reason for him to answer me, the vital information from his side has already been given anyway. Nonetheless, even though I probably shouldn’t be doing this right now, I can’t just miss this opportunity.

“I heard my adoptive family talking about how the place was burnt down a while later. Most likely the police had caught a hold of it and they had to delete their left behind evidence. Both building and hybrids.”

Despite talking about the death of his parents, he seems to tell the story with relative ease. Probably not having much connection with the far past, his brain too young to truly hold on to the memory of them.

“They were successful too, as the case got dropped faster than lightning. It wasn’t long before the general public forgot about it too, believing it was just another misunderstanding. Besides, hybrid lives weren’t as important anyway.”

The amount of rights hybrids had when they were first created back in the day were close to zero, only strictly being seen as objects to show off whatever possible wealth one may have had. For a while there was even a popular theory going around that hybrids didn’t actually have the ability to feel any kind of emotion or pain. The genetic puzzle wouldn’t allow for it, as it had been tampered with to an extreme extent. This only built on the carelessness shown towards them, slowly chipping away at their sanity.

Although the rumours were wrong, they came from a place of truth. Facial expressions were rare for hybrids, as was the ability to speak. Most of them couldn’t even keep up with regular humans, exhaustion quickly taking over the little anger they could show. Scientists hadn’t yet quite figured out how to perfectly combine the pieces of genetic code and so hybrids were more like living dolls in the eyes of evil humans. Having no voice to object and barely any means to actually hurt anyone, it wasn’t much of a surprise the selfish nature in humans came to rise.

Luckily, or depending on how you look at it, sadly, these first generation hybrids were never able to reproduce. The doll like hybrid features eventually died out with the rise of the newly perfected pieces and the theory was debunked by a group of scientist who actually did care about the hybrids’ wellbeing. Those hybrids had lived through countless punishments, and every single one of them had hurt. A lot.

Right now hybrids in a lot of ways are superior to the rest of us. Having the combined senses of both animal and human alike, society has reluctantly given up on trying to contain them. They are still to be bought and owned, but no longer to be treated like dirt. The smartest of hybrids have even already gotten complete freedom to do as the please, no longer having to be bound to a human to roam freely. However, those unable to pass the close to impossible tests aren’t so lucky.

“I’m sorry about what happened.”

Taehyung gives me a reassuring wave of his hand, effectively trying to lighten the mood, along with a sad smile. It wouldn’t take a trained professional to know he still longs for his parent’s presence, even if he may do well hiding it.

“It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.”

That doesn’t make the situation more okay, but I hold my remarks back. For now, that might just be for the best.

Taglist

@suhappysuho @intellectualxprincess @sana-b @littlewolfieposts @nellaphine @the8luvr @deathkat657 @elenaramos1 @namjoonies-dimple

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blacklilyqueen · 3 years

Text

Dark Desires (Rexsoka Week)

Prompt: Rexsoka Week 2021 Day 5: Show me your dark side

Summary: Dark AU! Ahsoka Tano, student of Darth Vader and Stormtrooper Captain Rex have hated each other for years. But after an incident on their last mission both can’t seem to let go of the other. Soon both find out that hatered isn’t the only thing they feel for one another and things are starting to get hot.

Pairing: Rexsoka (Dark!Ahsoka x Dark!Rex)

Word Count: 8140

Warnings/tags: smut, enemies to lovers, choking, force choking, hatefuck, insults, toxic relationship, dom!Rex, rough sex, nipple play, lekku play/pulling, teasing, handjob, fingering, oral sex (male and female receiving/blowjob and licking), deepthroating, dirty talk, cock slapping, spanking, doggy style, penetration

Author’s Note: I spent a lot of time writing this, so reblogs and comments would be highly appreciated.

I got super excited about this AU and started thinking about turning it into an own multiple chapter story. Would anyone be interested?

You can also find the story on AO3.

I also got an entire side blog just for Rexsoka. It’s @the-captain-and-the-commander.

Tagged Blogs (please message me if you want to be removed or added): @officialrexsoka @lizzowinkyface @luoiae @elsaanna007 @loulines @madagaskarka @captainrexsoka @lilrexsoka @imnewintown00

"Captain. Do you finally have the reports I need?"

The door was not even closed properly behind her when she made her demand. As usual, she had not thought that it was necessary to knock before entering. Now she stood there and looked at him with her usual mixture of contempt and arrogance. He didn't understand why she didn't just send someone else. It would make life much easier for both of them. Especially after their last mission together....

"Almost. There are still a few details missing."

"Then take care of it like you're supposed to! Now!"

"I'll put it on the list."

"That wasn't a request, it was an order!"

"Are those the same words Vader used when talking to you?"

He knew he would have been better off keeping quiet, or just assuring her that he would take care of it, but he couldn't. At first, he had seen potential in Vader's new apprentice. Someone who cared about the well-being and success of the Empire. Someone who had the big picture in mind and wouldn’t hesitate for anything. Someone who burned passionately and never gave up. But soon he realized how wrong he was. She only cared about one thing: Vader's recognition and for that she would do anything. Like a little pet, she followed him wherever he went, begging for attention. Pathetic, as the stormtrooper captain felt.

It was her greatest weakness and he knew how to use it properly. But this time he had gone too far. He had been present at the meeting with Lord Vader that morning when she was lacking this information. Although his face was always obscured by the black mask, Rex could see the look he gave Ahsoka and hoped Vader would never look at him that way. This wish was confirmed when he later learned through one of the officers that Vader had subsequently ordered her to his personal quarters. What exactly had happened there, he could only guess, but it was certainly not just a minor reprimand.

Ahsoka's eyes widened in shock at his words. But this state lasted only a tiny moment. Because right after that, anger spread across her face. The burning in her eyes that Rex had admired at first could now be his doom.

"What did you just say?" Her voice was quiet and almost calm, yet every single word carried a deadly threat, which she didn't have to express explicitly.

"I-," he was interrupted by the feeling of something wrapping around his neck. Rex reached for his neck out of reflex to loosen the deadly grip, but there was nothing there to loosen.

"How dare you? I am Lord Vader's apprentice and you are nothing. I am the best inquisitor in the Empire and possess power that a nobody like you cannot even imagine in his dreams. You, who are only one of millions, unimportant and replaceable at any time. And you dare to speak to me like this?!"

The captain gasped and tried to squeeze out an apology, knowing that this was his only chance that she would loosen her grip.

"I'm sorry," was all he could manage, and he fervently hoped that was enough. Because he wouldn't be able to make it like this for much longer. Fortunately she let go of him shortly after and then disappeared without another word.

--------------------------------------------------------------

He hesitated when he stood in front of her door. Had it really been a good idea to come here himself to give her the reports or should he have sent someone else? But something inside him told him that he had to come here himself. Maybe it was the same thing that made Ahsoka show up in his office again and again, even though she could leave this task to others.

The relationship between the two had always been strained, but since the incident on their last mission together, it had become virtually unbearable. He remembered the small cabin they hid in after their ship crashed. He remembered how they started talking after an eternity of silence. Things he had never told anyone. Things she had never told anyone. Things they knew would never leave the little cabin. He remembered her lips on his. Remembered her skin under his fingers. Remembered her naked body on top of him while she was in complete control. And he remembered what happened after. Remembered how much they had both enjoyed it, and how much they hated themselves and each other for what had just happened.

Shortly after that, the Imperial search forces had found them. They hadn't talked about the incident since. He hated himself for letting her get so close to him. For a moment he had understood her, had trusted her. But as soon as they had left the cabin, she showed her true face and turned away from him. And he hated her for that. For her deceitfulness, for her falseness. If only she could use these skills half as well against their enemies as she did against him.

Once again he hesitated. Considered whether he really should not rather send someone else. No, he would not give her that satisfaction. He would not knuckle under to her and hide. Unlike her, he was polite enough to knock, but he didn't give her time to ask him in, but simply entered the room.

Ahsoka sat cross-legged on the bed and opened her eyes as he entered the room.

"I was just busy," her disapproving tone was impossible to miss. What was also impossible for Rex to miss was the sound of the door closing behind him. He wondered if he had just blocked his only way to escape - in case he needed one - but he didn't let his fear show. Rex wouldn't give her the favor of an apology, and so he just held out the datapad to her.

"The reports you still wanted, Sir," her eyes briefly moved back and forth between the datapad and him. Then she closed them again.

"Put it on the desk."

"Yes, Sir," Rex did as she told him and was glad that their conversation was apparently over. The feeling of relief vanished immediately, however, when he turned around to find Ahsoka standing inches away from him. Rex swallowed and forced himself to say something.

"Is there something else, Sir?"

"Why are you here?"

"Because of the reports that..."

"No. Why are you really here?"

Rex hesitated. Why was he really here? The question that had plagued him even before he entered. And then it was suddenly clear to him.

Ahsoka was waiting. She waited for the answer she hoped and feared to know. Why was he here? Was that even the right question? Often enough, she had wondered why she was with him. She thought she knew the answer to that. And she didn't like that answer. Would his be the same? If so, was that a good thing? What would she do then? But more importantly, how would she deal with the humiliation if it wasn't the same answer?

He would think she was weak. Would mock her for her foolishness. She hated that she felt this way. Hated him. He thought her unqualified and incompetent, she knew that. If he found out how she felt, it would only reinforce him. And it should. She didn't want to feel that way. Especially not for him. It drove her crazy that of all the people in this galaxy, he of all people caused such feelings in her.

She regretted their last mission together. How could she have been so foolish as to confide in him? She knew that he wouldn't treat her the same way after that. Not that that would be any better. He now knew of her weaknesses and that was intolerable. But during those hours in the lonely cabin, something had happened to her. She had felt something that she had not felt for a long time. A memory that faded with every second she spent at Vader's side. So far that she no longer knew if she had really felt that way or if it was just an illusion. But in those moments with Rex, she realized it wasn't an illusion. She knew that feeling and she had lost it when she was dragged away from her family as a child. She felt safe.

Safety. Ironic, considering that this was exactly what made her feel even more insecure now. She wasn't worried about him telling what had happened between them - after all, he'd have a problem, too, maybe even a much bigger one than she did - but what would happen if he told someone about the things, she had told him in secret?

For years he had looked down on her. For years she had tried to gain his respect, even though she would never admit that to herself, let alone tell him. She didn't want to covet his approval, and yet she did. And for that, she hated him and herself.

Why was he here?

She hoped and feared to know the answer. Hope and fear that plagued her innermost being. One movement that confirmed both.

His lips were on hers before she even registered the movement. And just as quickly, they were gone.

For a moment, they both just stood there. No one moved, no one said anything. Rex had the feeling the guards three floors below could hear his heartbeat pounding so loudly in his ears. He hadn't thought about what he was doing. Had he gone completely insane? Every cell in his body hoped that this was the right decision. That she felt the same way.

The answer to his question came quickly, loudly and painfully. Emotionally and physically. His cheek burned and he could feel the blood coursing through it. The bang Ahsoka had made with that slap seemed even louder than his heartbeat before. As he looked at her, he was convinced she was going to kill him any second. How could he have been so stupid? Why had he done this?

"Listen to me, I-"

"No! You listen to me!" Rex froze. She was angry, but not like she usually was. He could never stand her, but he had always admired how she could burn for something. There was always a certain fire in her eyes. It burned passionately and devoured everything around it. No enemy, no obstacle, nothing was safe from it. The blazing hatred that devoured her from within. Sometimes he had wondered if this fire could also burn for something else, but he dismissed the thought each time immediately out of fear where it might lead.

Now he was here and he had an answer to that question and he didn't like it at all. The fire had disappeared and iciness was looking at him. Her words had been determined and calm. Sharp daggers that pierced his skin and slowly killed him. No matter how hateful she was before, there was always passion. But this was now gone and left nothing but pure hatred.

"I have fought for years for what I have now. I have endured so much. All in the name of the Empire. And you, you ridiculous little nothing, you always looked down on me," with each word she circled around him like a predator that had cornered its prey, "Thought I was too young, too inexperienced, too incapable. You have no idea what I was, am and will be capable of. I've endured so much all these years and now you think you have the right to do whatever you want to me just because of a little moment of weakness?"

Her fire had disappeared, but it began to burn inside him instead. Normally, he probably would have apologized. Such a conflict wouldn't have been worth it, but he couldn't just let the things she was accusing him of stand like that. Besides, after all, he could hardly make her angrier.

"I looked down on you? Oh yeah, you're right. You must have had to put up with so much bad stuff as Vader's right-hand woman. Tell me, was it hard to get every command you wanted without some kind of leadership qualification? Was it hard to have everyone do what you commanded, even though everyone knew it was their certain death, just because you had no idea what you were doing? People just didn't say anything out of fear. And not even out of fear of you. Yes, you could kill them and you killed many of them. But in the end it didn't matter. Because they were only afraid of Vader. If he had stood against you, you would have been nothing. And yet you always thought you were better than everyone else. You know, I have to admit one thing to you. You really are a damn good liar. On our last mission, you really convinced me. I thought maybe there was more to it than that. Maybe she's not just a little plaything for Vader's entertainment. But I guess I was wrong. I'm not even mad at you for trying to lie to me. Instead, I feel pity for you. Because no matter how much you lied to me, you lie to yourself the most."

As he spoke, she had stopped and stared at him wordlessly. He wasn't quite sure what was going on inside her. Had her hatred been fueled further? Was she actually thinking about his words? Had he perhaps even hurt her, even if just a little bit? When she tilted her head to the side, he had expected many things, but definitely not the broad grin that spread across her face. It looked distorted and unnatural and sent an icy chill down his spine.

"That sounds fascinating. But explain one thing to me, please. If you really detest me so much, why the kiss? Why do you seek my closeness if you find me so distasteful? Did you want to humiliate me even more? Or is your self-hatred just that great?"

Step by step she came closer. Filled the already small distance between them until she stopped right in front of his face. She stared directly at him and that's when he saw it. In her yellow eyes blazed the fire he had thought lost. It seemed to set her whole being on fire and he had the feeling that it would jump over to him any second.

"You really want to know the truth? I did it because I didn't see the sick bitch, I've hated all these years, but the woman I was stuck with in that little cabin. The woman who told me something about herself. The woman who made me feel like I was allowed to be vulnerable. The woman who had a heart."

This time it was her lips that touched his and this time the kiss didn't break as quickly. Instead, her hands settled on his shoulders as if searching for support. Their kiss grew more intense as she did so, and she felt the strong desire to be closer to him. Her arms wrapped around him even tighter as he grabbed her tightly and pressed her against the nearest wall. His hands also stirred and moved first to her hips and then higher and higher. As soon as they reached her shoulders, everything happened very quickly. With a jerky movement he grabbed her arms and tore himself out of her grip. He pushed her off him and threw a grin at the Togruta before turning and leaving the room.

Ahsoka was left transfixed. Confused, she stared at the door that had closed behind the captain and tried to process what had just happened. He had returned her kiss, she could feel that, but then why had he broken it? Was he really just trying to humiliate her? Wanted to show her how foolish she was?

Before she could worry further, the door opened again and Rex came in, only mumbling kriff it really quickly. She wanted to say something, wanted to yell at him and ask what that was all about, but he had already grabbed her and pulled her to him. His lips were on hers and his hands had started groping every bit of her body. For a moment, both of their mouths parted and Ahsoka got a few words out.

"Rex, why-"

"Just shut up," his tone was firm and left no room for discussion. Any protest would have been silenced anyway by his lips, which took possession of hers right back. And so she said nothing, but simply enjoyed what he was doing to her. In a flash he had grabbed her ass and lifted her up. Like a reflex, her legs immediately closed around his hips. Not even when she could feel the table, to which Rex had carried her and set her down on, beneath her, did she loosen that clamp grip.

Their kisses became more and more intense. His tongue violently gained access to her mouth, thereby suppressing any objections she might have voiced. Her tongue was also no longer in her own mouth, but was exploring that of the captain. Again and again the two tongues touched and caused loud moaning on the part of the Togruta, which, however, fell silent in the mouth of her counterpart.

Her hands played with the latches of his armor as he grabbed her wrists and pushed her down with all his weight. She felt the hard table under her back as Rex held her hands above her head. One hand held her wrists firmly in place while the other first groped her lekkus and then her breasts. For a moment Ahsoka tried to squirm out of his grasp, not wanting to just let him have the upper hand, but his grip only tightened. Once again she pulled to get her arms free, this time his other hand sped from her breasts to her neck. His grip wasn't tight enough to do her any harm, but he had her attention now that her kiss was interrupted as well.

"Don't try it. Just let me take control and I promise you won't regret it," despite the firmness in his voice, she could tell he was waiting for a reaction from her. A small nod of her head was all he needed in response.

"Good girl," he gave her neck another quick squeeze and then released his grip. His hand moved to the clasp of her dress behind her neck. He didn't hesitate a second to open it and pull it down until her breasts were completely exposed. Immediately he released his lips from her mouth and turned his attention to her neck. His left hand, which had been holding her arms until then, now released its grip as well. While his lips were now working the sensitive skin of her neck in such a way that she would surely keep marks of it, his hands were playing with her breasts.

When he was satisfied with his work on her neck, his lips joined his hands and all his attention was now on her breasts. But first he grabbed a breast with each hand and looked at the half-naked Togruta in front of him. Then he grabbed her nipples, rolled them back and forth in his fingers until they were hard and then tugged on them lightly. The reaction he wanted followed directly. A cry of pain escaped from Ahsoka's throat, mingled with an even louder moan that escaped at the same time. Her back arched in an attempt to escape the pain from pulling toward him, and her fingers clenched around the edge of the table.

Her back stopped arching as he let go of her nipples. Instead of his fingers, his mouth now devoted its attention to them. Alternately, he kneaded her breasts while his mouth sucked on the other. His tongue played with her nipples and every now and then his teeth scraped over her sensitive buds. Again her back rose and she stretched her chest out to him, but this time not to ease the pain, but to be closer to him. With each flick of his tongue a moan escaped her and once even a cry as he bit down ever so slightly. Her now free hands had wandered to his back in desperate hope of touching him as well, but his thick armor made any contact nearly impossible.

He realized what she was up to and let go of her breasts. Immediately he began to help her remove his armor. As soon as the plastoid armor was off, Ahsoka began to touch his entire torso. He was still wearing his black body suit underneath, but she could feel his muscles under her fingers through the layer of fabric. The armor on his lower half also fell to the ground, and Ahsoka could clearly see the bulge that was beginning to form in his crotch.

Rex had been eager to get rid of his armor. At the latest since her breasts lay free in front of him, he felt it getting tighter and tighter under the unyielding plastoid. As soon as this burden fell from him, he reached for her face and pulled her to him for a kiss. It was intense, long, and possessive. Ahsoka should be quite clear about who was in charge at this moment. Without breaking the kiss, he grabbed her hips and pulled her off the table, closer to him. His hands fumbled with her dress for a few moments, trying to pull it down further, until he decided to just rip the fabric off her body instead. Her leggings were removed with just as much roughness, but it didn't bother him in the slightest.

As she stood before him with nothing on but her panties, he grabbed her ass and lifted her up. Her legs instinctively wrapped around his body. Without much hesitation, Rex pressed her against the nearest wall and began kissing and biting her neck there. Sandwiched between him and the hard wall, Ahsoka began to unzip his bodysuit. When it was open, Rex released one arm at a time from her to get rid of the Blacks. His upper body was now completely free and Ahsoka ran the muscles of his six-pack along.

Getting rid of the lower half, however, proved a bit more difficult in this position. And so he lowered Ahsoka down again. Before he even had a chance to get rid of his Blacks himself, Ahsoka began to move down his body. On her way down, she left a trail of wet kisses all over his body. Starting at the crook of his neck, moving to his chest, down each of his abs, and finally to his still-clothed lower body. Once there, she reached for the fabric that covered him, making sure to stroke ever so lightly over that part of him that, by all appearances, had been eagerly awaiting a touch from her. Rex let out a groan at the touch, which only encouraged Ahsoka.

As his shorts slid to the floor, Ahsoka paused for a moment. She looked up at him, watching his reaction very closely. His eyes were fixed on her, sparkling with lust. Very gently, her fingertips touched his shaft. That tiny touch was enough to make him close his eyes for a moment and he parted his lips slightly. Ahsoka couldn't help but grin. Knowing that a tiny touch could trigger so much in him gave her an incredible sense of control. She loved it. And wanted more.

After running her fingers along his cock a few more times, making sure to stroke the tip lightly, she grabbed the bottom of his already erect shaft. However, she didn’t proceed with anything further, before taking another look at Rex. Their eyes met and Ahsoka started pumping his cock. Her eyes still fixed on his face, she realized that he soon needed more than just her hand around his member. She saw how desperately he was carving for more and she knew exactly what to do.

Without breaking eye contact Ahsoka started taking him into her mouth. Rex held his breath when she only took part of him in at first. Her tongue playing around his tip while her hand was still stroking the rest of his dick. He couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. Again. But this time it was different. This wasn’t the hurt girl from last time. No, this time she was determinate. Wanted to prove him something. But this thoughts about that soon faded into nothingness, when she started taking him in entirely. His cock was now balls deep down her throat and he couldn’t help himself but start moaning. She started bobbing her head up and down while her hands were playing with his balls.

Even though it felt amazing, Rex soon felt the need for more. So he quickly grabbed one of her lekku in each of his hands. Ahsoka looked up once she felt the touch on her sensitive lekku and he could see in her eyes that she knew what he wanted to do. And he saw her excitement about it. So he grabbed them a bit tighter and started pulling her head up and down his hard member. He quickly started moving his hips as well, now thrusting in to her mouth while pulling her down at the same time.

“Look at you. What a good little cockslut you are. Taking my dick in so deep.”

She gulped around his cock, which Rex took as an agreement. After one hard thrust, Ahsoka had to gag and pulled back. He quickly let go of her lekku. She was coughing a bit and had to take a few deep breaths.

“Did you choke on something?” Rex asked mockingly.

“Don’t worry,” and with a grin she added, “It wasn’t too big anyway.”

Almost immediately after she spoke, Rex had grabbed her back lek and pulled it back, forcing her to look up at him. With his other hand he held his cock and slapped it against her face a couple of times.

“Are you sure about that? Don’t act like you didn’t like it, you little slut.” The only response he got was her licking her bottom lip and biting it. Rex chuckled at bit.

“Thought so,” followed by another slap with his cock, “Now be a good girl, open that pretty little mouth of yours again and take this back in.”

Without hesitation she opened her mouth again and let him enter. And so he continued throat-fucking her for a bit longer. The feeling of her wet mouth around his dick was breathtaking. He wanted to cum in her mouth right there, but then he thought of all the other things he could do with her – could do to her – first.

He pulled out of her mouth and pulled her lekku up a bit, signalizing her to get up. When she stood in front of him, he grabbed her ass and lifted her up again. Within only a few seconds he had already carried her to her bed. Her back hit the mattress harder than expected, when he roughly dropped her there. His lips were already attached to her neck again wandering to her tits. At the same time his hands were fumbling her lekku, knowing that they were just as sensitive as her breasts. Ahsoka grabbed a fist full of the sheets, when Rex’ lips started moving to her lek as well. He gave it a few kisses, before he took the tip of it in his mouth. His teeth were scratching over her sensitive parts and his tongue played with it like he did with her nipples earlier. She left out a soft moan and raised her hips upwards, pressing them against his hard erection.

“Someone seems a bit impatient. Are you so eager to get fucked?” Rex mumbled against her lek, feeling the young Togruta shivering beneath him.

“Rex, please,” her words were quiet. Nothing more than a whisper. She started spreading her legs even further for him, her hands wandering to his hips and back, carving every touch she could get.

“I think you can do that begging part better, don’t you?” And with that his hand wandered down her body to her most intimate part. She was still wearing her panties and the thin fabric was everything separating her skin from his touch. His thumb brushed over the spot that covered her clit, circling it a bit. Even though her panties were still between her and his fingers, Ahsokas let out a small whimper. Her hand wandered from his back to her chest, touching her own breast and playing with nipple. But before she could arouse herself even more, Rex had already grabbed both her hands, pinning her arms above her head again.

“You will not touch yourself, unless I tell you to. Do you understand me?”

“Yes.”

His right hand grabbed her neck, while the other hand was still holding her wrists.

“Yes what?”

“Yes, Sir,” Ahsoka looked into his eyes while she spoke. They were almost completely darkened by his widened pupils. Only someone who knew him could still see a little bit of the usual gold brown within them. When she said the words, she noticed a glimmer in his eyes. A spark of lust and desire. And she knew that it was exactly what he saw when he looked into her eyes.

“Good. Now leave your hands right where they are.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Rex loosened the grip around her wrists and turned his attention back south. Her hands however stayed right where they were supposed to be above her head. His fingers started gliding up and down her slit. Even through her panties he could feel how wet she was. Her arousal soaking the fabric more and more with every touch of him. It took him a lot of willpower to not just fuck her right there, but he wanted to play with her a bit more first.

One of his fingers slipped under the fabric and he started touching her there. At first he continued tracing up and down her dripping wet slit a bit, making sure to rub over her clit as well, but only for very brief moments. Then he slid one of his fingers inside her pussy. She was warm, damp and tight around his finger. Ahsoka let out a squeal as he entered her deeper. She instinctively wanted to start touching her clit, but left her arms right where he wanted them to be. She could feel herself getting even wetter when he started pumping his finger in and out of her vagina. When he started adding a second finger, while his thumb played with her clit, she could do nothing more than close her eyes and moan every time he entered her.

As he watched her, Rex had to grin to himself, loving how much control he had over her and how desperate she was for his touch. He had wanted to wait a bit longer, before doing more, but seeing how close she already was made him decide to fasten things up a bit. While his one hand was busy fingering Ahsoka, his other hand grabbed her panties and ripped them off her body. He withdrew his hand to take a full look at the naked woman on the bed. Ahsoka opened her eyes, wanting to protest at the sudden lack for touch, when he brought his fingers up to her mouth.

“Go on, clean up the mess you made,” he brushed his fingers over her lips, slightly pushing them inside. He didn’t have to ask twice, since Ahsoka had already opened her mouth and now started sucking on his fingers. When she was done sucking him clean, he stroked over the side of her face for a moment. The brief touch wasn’t as rough and demanding as the ones before, but rather tender. Looking in his eyes she saw something soft for the first time. For a moment she even thought he looked caring. Before she could think more about this, he started talking again.

“Good job. Something like that should be rewarded.”

And with that his head disappeared between her thighs. Ahsoka only realized what was happening when she felt his tongue flicking over her clit. She let out a loud moan and buckled her hips up. But he just grabbed them, holding her down while he continued eating her out. Her moans and screams were getting louder as he kept playing with her clit and entering her pussy with his tongue. She squirmed beneath his touch and he started grabbing her harder, leaving marks that wouldn’t go away for another couple of days. He looked up watching her, as she lost complete control. The look of her laying there, eyes closed, mouth opened, moans escaping her throat, combined with the taste of her pussy on his tongue turned him one more than anything else.

Ahsoka felt her climax coming. Rex tongue kept sucking on her clit, his teeth scratching and biting it from time to time. He had started adding his hand again, fingerfucking her hole while eating her out. The so familiar warm feeling started building inside her. Her hands started grabbing the sheets. She knew that she would cum any moment and the wave of pleasure would take over her body. Rex started speeding up the pace of his fingers thrusting into her. Her muscles were already clenching. Just a tiny little bit more was all it would take.

And then all of his touch was gone.

Her eyes snapped open and she stared at him in disbelieve. He was sitting on the bed, grinning at her. Not making a single move to touch her and more importantly give her the so anticipated relieve that she had been waiting for. She sat up.

“Why did you stop? I was so close. I almost came!” She was so frustrated she almost wanted to cry, but she wouldn’t do that in front of him.

“I know,” he leaned forward, cupping her face and slowly pushing her back onto the mattress. A devilish smile started spreading on his face as he hovered above her, “That’s exactly why I stopped.”

“What? Why would you do that? You just ruined my orgasm!” She wanted to get up again, but his muscular body above her stopped her from doing that.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did the little spoiled brat not get what she wanted?”

“I can’t believe you would do that. No wait now that I think about it, it perfectly suits you,” she asked herself how stupid she could have been to fall for that. He was just trying to play with her and she was foolish enough to let him trick her. Well, she wouldn’t let do that. Her hand wandered down, touching her still wet pussy, wanting to finish what he started. Should he watch her if he wanted, but she would not let him ruin that for her. But only a second after she started touching herself, he had already grabbed her arms, restraining her for the third time this evening.

“What did I tell you about touching yourself, you cunt?” other than before he didn’t sound playful this time, but more angry.

“Let me go!” She struggled trying to free herself from his grip, but with her wrists held firmly and her body being trapped between him and the bed, it was impossible.

“Are you sure? I thought you still wanted to cum?” There was the playful tone in his voice again. Still overshadowed by his dominant tone, but there nonetheless. Ahsoka stopped wriggling under him. She was confused. Didn’t he just stop her from doing exactly that? She looked at him baffled, not knowing whether he was serious or not. All she did was cautiously nod her head a bit. Before she could say anything, he had managed to flip her over with one quick move. Her front was now laying on the bed, her backside facing him. He was sitting on her legs, trapping them under his weight. He still held her arms, but started pulling them behind her back and taking them both in one hand.

“Great. Again, what did I tell you about touching yourself?” His words were followed by a hard smack across her ass. Ahsoka let out a loud scream followed by a whimper, not expecting his slap.

“I couldn’t hear your answer,” another hard smack on her ass. She screamed again and tried squirming away, but he held both her arms and legs firmly in place. Before he could hit her again, she quickly spat out: “I shouldn’t touch myself.”

“What was that?” followed by his hand slapping her ass again. She knew that her ass was already starting to get a few shades darker, so she spoke the words again, this time more clearly.

“I should not touch myself.”

“Good,” he started rubbing over her hurt flesh, “Now tell me, what happens if you do touch yourself?”

As expected, his hand hit her ass again after he spoke, but she noticed that this slap wasn’t as hard as the ones before.

“I get punished.”

“How do you get punished?” Two slaps. One on each of her cheeks.

“I get spanked.”

“Exactly,” he placed a few light slaps on her ass. Compared to the ones before it felt more like he was patting her butt. Despite the pain in her ass cheeks, she could still feel her pussy getting wetter with every slap, “And do you like getting punished?”

“Maybe,” before she could even think about it, the word had already left her mouth, followed by instant regret as Rex spanked her harder than he did before.

“So you like that?” He kept smacking her ass multiple times, each slap harder than before. Ahsoka didn’t say anything. The only thing leaving her mouth where screams.

“You really like that? Are you screaming out of joy? Do you want me to keep doing that to you?” He smacked her ass again and again, this time so hard that her eyes were starting to fill with tears.

“Answer the question or I’ll keep doing it!”

“No,” Ahsoka had to try to control her breathing as she was forcing the words out between sobs, “No, I don’t like it.”

He pulled her back up, so that she was now kneeling on the bed, her back still facing him and then he let go of her arms, but she wasn’t trying to move away anyway. His hand reached for her face, turning it around so that she was facing him.

“Does that mean you will behave from now on?”

“Yes.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” he placed a soft kiss on her cheek and then on her mouth, his thumb tenderly brushing over her lips when he left them, “I don’t want to have to hurt you. I want to please you. But you have to follow my rules if you want me to do that. Do you want me to do that?”

“Yes, please.”

“Remember when I told you that you could do better at begging?” Ahsoka nodded, “Well, now would be a good time for that,” she could feel him pressing his cock against her ass, “Tell me what you want me to do to you right now and then beg for it.”

He let go of her face and placed his hand on her tit instead, the other one on her hips. She didn’t know if it was his erection being so close to her entrance, his dominant presence, his words or maybe the spanking from before, but she could feel her pussy getting wet again.

“I want you to fuck me, please. I want your cock thrusting in my pussy, making me scream for more. I want you to take control and just take me. You can do whatever pleases you with my body. Rex, I’m begging you, please fuck me. I will do everything you want. Everything! I will be a good little hoe and suck your dick and let you take me in every single position you want. Please, please fuck me. I need to feel you inside me so badly.”

Both of them were surprised by the words coming out of her mouth. Neither of them realized how badly she really wanted him until she said the words out loud.

“Well, how could I say no, when such a sweet little whore begs so nicely for it? Lean a bit forward, I want to take you exactly like this.”

So she did what he told her to do, resting her hands on the mattress. She was on all four her ass up for him to enter. He placed his hands on her hips, carefully stroking over the bruised skin of her butt. One of his hands reached around her, cupping her tit, while he leaned forward to place some kisses from her spine to her shoulders. The feeling of his hard cock pressing against her ass combined with his sweet kisses drove her insane.

“Rex, please. I need you.”

“I know,” he turned her head again. This time he kissed her on the lips. His tongue entered her mouth, exploring every inch of it. Their kiss was long and passionate, but without the roughness he had shown to her before. When they parted, she was secretly wishing for it to continue for a bit longer.

He started turning his attention back to her lower regions. She felt the head of his cock pocking against her entrance. Her walls started stretching when he slowly pushed himself inside her. Moaning his name was all she did while his cock stated to fill her out. He was well endowed, giving her a good stretch. When he was fully inside her, he waited a moment giving her time to adjust and him to get used to her tightness.

Then he started pulling out and in of her. Slowly at first, but he quickly grabbed up a faster pace, when he was sure it wasn’t too much for her. His arousal about the sight of her in front of him like that only grew, when she started moving her hips as well to meet his movements. He knew that he wouldn’t last long with her turning him on like that.

Ahsokas thoughts circled around the feeling of his cock pumping in and out of her pussy, hitting all the right spots over and over again. She had already started thrusting her hips back at him, hoping to get even more friction like this, to feel him even deeper inside her. Her moans turned louder, when he started grabbing her back lek and pulled it back. She had to bend her back, while he kept pulling it. The straining pain in her lek and back was oddly satisfying and she caught herself hoping he wouldn’t let go.

Her moans were a constant encouragement for him to keep going. The wetness dripping down between her legs created another wonderful sound each time he thrusted into her. Her tits were bouncing up and down and made a clapping sound that mixed in perfectly with her moans and his balls slapping against her wetness. He could feel her walls tightening around him more and more, making him realize that she wasn’t far from orgasming either. So he pulled her head back even more and whispered to her: “Don’t cum yet. Not until I tell you to.”

With that he started speeding up his pace again, thrusting into her mercilessly. She tried to hold back her orgasm, trying to do as he said and not cum right on the spot even though she would have given everything for that sweet release. At first she thought she could handle holding her orgasm back pretty good, but then Rex started reaching for her clit. The sensation of his fingers rubbing her clit combined with his thrusts were too much for her. She knew that if he kept going like this, she wouldn’t be able to hold it back anymore.

“Please, Rex. Fuck, I can’t. Please, let me cum. I- fuck, please. Rex!”

“Fine, you’ve been a good girl. You may cum now.”

She didn’t let him tell her that twice. The heat that had started building inside her since he started thrusting into her reached its peak. The knot that had formed inside her seemed to loosen. Every single muscle in her body clenched only to completely relax as a wave of pleasure ran through her body. She arched her back even further and moan louder than any sound she made before left her throat while the pleasure took complete control of her body. The walls of her pussy started tightening around his cock so much that he couldn’t even move it any further.

The extra tightness was all it took for him to cum as well. With a groan he released himself inside her, pumping her up with his hot semen. While his cum started filling her cunt a second wave of pleasure rushed through Ahsokas body, making her scream out again. When she stopped clenching around him again, he pulled out his now wettened dick. Her arms had already given in and she was laying flat down on the mattress as he collapsed on top of her as well. He tried not to crush her beneath his weight, but he barely had the strength to support himself.

For a while they just laid there like that. He eventually started rolling over onto his back, his weight no longer pressing onto her. She felt both their cum dripping down her legs, while she just laid there not being able to move even the slightest bit. It took a while for either of them to do something. It was Rex who moved first. His hand started brushing over her shoulders and she turned her head to face him. He was smiling at her and by seeing that she immediately had to smile a bit as well.

There it was again. That caring look in his eyes. But it couldn’t be. That wasn’t the relationship they had, the feelings he had. There was something between them, yes, but she wasn’t stupid enough to believe she actually meant something to him. She had to do something about it. Carefully she rolled herself on her back, never stopping looking at him.

“We should probably get up. We can’t stay here like that for too long.”

Ahsoka was surprised by her own words, but she knew that it was right that way. She didn’t mean anything to him and she couldn’t let herself start feeling something for him. It was better this way.

“We probably should,” she tried reading in the tone of his voice if this was actually okay for him, but she couldn’t tell, “Before I go, we should probably clean up. After all we don’t want anyone to find out, right?”

“Yes, that would be the best.”

“Good. And because I know how good you’re at cleaning up the mess you made, you should start with that.”

With that he reached between her legs and caught up a bit of his semen, mixed with the wetness of her release, dripping down her legs with his fingers. He brought his hand up to her mouth. She had already opened it once she realized what he was doing. He put his fingers inside it, making her taste their combined fluids. Once she was done sucking his fingers clean, he withdrew his hand from her mouth. He started caressing her face again. Cupping her face in his hand, he pulled her forwards him for another kiss. He could taste them both on her lips, but only continued to kiss her deeper. When he let go of her, he looked at her with a stern expression.

“I wish you could be like that all the time.”

“What? Slutty and naked?” Ahsoka giggled a bit, but the serious look on his face didn’t change.

“No,” he started tracing her skin. He touched her things and hips. Moving upwards he came to her tits, circling around her nipple until it was completely hard, then slightly pulling at it. Not enough to actually hurt her, but considering how sensitive she was everywhere right now, still enough to make her let out a sharp breath. Then he moved to her neck. Placing his hand around it, but making no move to squeeze it, “Not slutty and naked,” a devilish grin forming on his face, “Submissive and obedient.”

#rexsokaweek #rexsoka week #rexxxsokaweek #rexsoka #rexsoka smut #ahsoka tano #captain rex #ct 7567 #dark!ahsoka tano #dark!captain rex #dark!au #dark!rexsoka #(n)ew (s)uper (f)un (w)riting

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maxwell-grant · 3 years

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Ok, but how would the Shadow get along with Superman?

I'm gonna try something a little different with this ask, because I couldn't really find the right words to answer it the way I usually do. So instead I took the more complicated route and ended up writing a fanfic of sorts, about potential interactions between these two I could think of.

I don't think I'll make a habit out of answering replies through fanfic but, I don't know, something about this question kinda demanded from me a different type of answer. I never wrote Superman before but I do need to get back to writing.

So here you go, the Shadow - Superman fanfic I wrote to answer this. Hope you enjoy.

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They were not friends. They were not enemies. They had their separate worlds to watch over, and rarely did they cross each other. Rarely did they meet under desirable circumstances.

The Shadow, as Superman knew him, was not a part of Superman's world. In more ways than one.

Clark knew that he was a man who was mainly active during the 1930s and 40s, that he had been a crimefighter active in the United States during that time, that he has some connection to Bruce and other heroes he knew, and that he has an associate related to Lois named Margo, but somehow, Clark could never find him on his own accord.

Even when he time traveled to said period, he could never find him. Lois and Margo share a bloodline, but Lois does not recall what exactly of what sort, not even under Clark's machines. When he asked some of The Shadow's associates, they could not recall him, and Clark knew for a fact they could not have been lying. Some of them existed in this world but with "ordinary" lives, and others didn't.

Although he seemed to come from an alternate world,there were times when The Shadow appeared to have history in this world as well. Real, tangible history, that seems to be willed out of thin air and to dissappear when Clark goes looking for it. Even Bruce seems to not remember him, and Bruce's the one who seemed to have spent the most time in his presence.

He couldn't quite say he looked fondly on his meetings with The Shadow, if he could be honest with himself. He was cold, remote, harsh and manipulative. He murdered criminals without remorse, something that even he admitted had soured his relationship with Bruce, and terrorized those he fought to a much greater extent than even Batman, who Clark already thought was going too far at times.

Clark knew he was not an evil man, he was certain of the compassion within him that thundered to protect the innocent, but Clark could hardly be certain of how much he knew about him in the first place. Clark, who could see through crowds and make a shopping list out of what each person had eaten for breakfest that morning, could not identify The Shadow's face through his mask, could not see what was behind his eyes.

Clark is extremely aware of the standards he must adhere to in order to operate as Superman, the ways in which he must be held accountable as someone operating above and within society. He understands the importance of his friends and allies that can stop and defeat him, the family he must look after, the reputation he must uphold, the control over his powers and a lifetime of experience in holding himself back. At times he was even grateful for the existence of Kryptonite as a desperate measure. He knows that Bruce goes through a lot of measures to keep himself in check as well.

But he knows little about The Shadow, who works for him, why they do so, who can hold him accountable, who is going to help him when he can't help himself. He worries about what his world must look like, to create a man like him, brainwashing people and gunning down criminals in the streets while laughing. How much good can such a man do if this is what his approach to justice looks like? What is the toil that such a grim approach to life has taken on this man's life?

He knows that overthinking is one of his worse flaws, but Superman can't help but dwell sometimes on the worlds he cannot save, on those that must take on such realities. He only wishes he knew how to find The Shadow of his own accord and try to bring peace to the man, even if he knows better than to assume peace is what he's looking for.

It is the nature of Superman to never stop trying to bring everyone to a world beyond death, darkness and sorrow, and to blame himself for those he cannot save even from themselves.

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It was a well-known fact that The Shadow always worked alone. And like most known facts about him, it was not entirely accurate.

The Shadow strives to cultivate the image that he's alone, untouchable, that all who work for him do so because he forces them to. That he always tells those he saves that their lives belong to him, that they are trembling slaves to a monster sniffing blood in gutters.

Distractions, lies, smokescreens he must create, to allow his agents to operate as spies, and spare them from the wrath of the police and the criminal underworld alike, too busy hunting a legend to notice the flesh and blood people working under their noses, people they would otherwise be all too happy to neglect or stomp on.

Misdirection, the secret of any magic trick. The true secret of The Shadow's invisibility.

There are days where the only positive thought in his mind is that his agents cannot join him wherever he goes.

The success of The Shadow depended heavily on the vast networks of agents and allies he'd gathered over the years, people from all walks of life who trusted him and had chosen to join him. Every courageous move, sacrifice and pivotal role they played was carefully recorded in his files, and never forgotten. They had skills and capabilities The Shadow did not, and The Shadow was proud to see the ways in which they would cultivate those into the betterment of the world around him.

And though the bridge between them was unassailable, though his ways and actions were secret and mysterious to them and they could never know more than he allowed, they received constant signs of The Shadow’s appreciation of their reliable cooperation, and at many points The Shadow had made said bridge less unassailable for their sake.

But they were not his friends. His allies were distant and occupied with fights The Shadow could assist, but not fight for them. His agents were subordinates rather than equals, expected to play the necessary parts and leave the scene for their own safety just as quickly. His friends were few, and often dead. And when it was the moment of danger, The Shadow fought alone. The protection of others came above all else, and on field, although they were expected to think and strategize for themselves and work together, The Shadow's word was final.

There could be no distractions, no hesitations. Those had cost him more than enough on the battlefields of the Great War, mistakes he would never repeat again. The sacrifice of companionship, his own personhood and self-preservation is an acceptable loss for the sake of those he must protect.

There are occasions when The Shadow is forced into circumstances beyond what logic and physics should allow, and in some of those occasions, Superman had been involved in them. There are occasions also where he has to work side by side with other vigilantes, and sometimes, they also include Superman.

He couldn't quite say he looked forward to working with Superman. His arrival almost inevitably carried chaos into the inner workings of reality. The existence of an omnipotent being able to crack planets with a footstep and liquefy crowds with a gaze, held back only by his human personality, was a danger that thankfully did not exist in The Shadow's own world, but was a worrying prospect regardless.

Few of his experiences with aliens and superpowered warriors could be said to be positive ones, and a lifetime of knowing the evil in the hearts of men had taught The Shadow how easily even the best of intentions and the most solid of morals could be corroded and destroyed. It didn't help matters that this being was also a public crusader and celebrity passing judgement on criminals, even while secretly holding a private dimensional prison to throw them into should they be sufficiently dangerous. Someone completely unstoppable and unaccountable, even to death itself.

The Shadow understood Superman to be a good man, a moral man who had been raised well to be the best he could. The Shadow respected and treasured the existence of those like him, men and women and everything in between that could breathe in the sun and uphold mankind, while he dwelled in the underworld to make sure those more like him would not rise to attack them.

But whatever the rewards of these partnerships, he was glad when they were over. His work requires full control. He cannot tolerate the loss of it.

Others can dream of better tomorrows and work to make them happen, his is the task of clearing the darkest paths so others need not tread them.

Hope, light and comfort are noble gifts, but they are not his to give.

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The first time they met had been the result of Vandal Savage's Hypertime Collider, a trap designed to keep Superman running circles through the timestreams, cycling through alternate versions of himself. He had landed in the 1930s, somewhat depowered, in a world where some allies of his existed, but superheroes were nowhere to be found (although some people reacted in terror at him, shouting "IT'S DANNER! HE'S COME BACK TO KILL US!", the significance of which was lost on Clark).

He had met a woman named Margo Lane when looking for this world's Lois, telling her he was a farmboy from Kansas lost in the big city looking for a friend with the same last name. Margo didn't recognize anyone named Lois, and Clark could tell she was only pretending to believe his story (even though it was true, in a sense), but through her, he met a tall, gaunt and hawk-like millionaire by the name of Lamont Cranston, a name Clark recognized from an old radio show Jonathan used to listen.

He had an idea of who The Shadow was. An old detective from a radio show or pulp magazines, sure, Superman's been to worlds he used to think were fictional before, some people still think he's as real as Santa Claus (who was going to join him and the Easter Bunny for checkers next Sunday).

Their conversation of platitudes was cut short, as it wasn't long before the Hypertime Collider was soon transporting him to a different time period, but before he was ejected, he remembered the moment their conversation ended.

Shortly before he could feel the Collider breaking and warping time and space in a chokehold around him, he remembered an eerie silence fall on the room. Though his hearing senses in this world were diminished, he could still pick up minute sounds from miles away, and it was a strange sensation to hear the sound of nothing. A sound that did not exist but silenced everything around it with deafening precision, a sound that Clark had not heard even in the deepest recesses of space, when he could still hear his body's metabolism at work. For a moment, though he did not need it to survive, Clark worried his heart had stopped working, for he could not hear it.

It surely was the Collider's effect at work, he reasoned.

But in that brief moment, whatever surprise he expected to find on Cranston's expression was nowhere to be found. Instead, scattered shadows slashed across his face as the air around him changed and he closed his eyes. He was still wearing Cranston's face when he opened them, and once again, they did not match his face.

The last thing he remembered before his ejection was a voice that cut through the air and the meters separating them, that sounded like a python hissing in Clark's ear, from everywhere and nowhere at once.

"This is not your world."

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The second time was in another dimensional sojourn, this time of his volition.

Having borrowed a portal from Cyberwear Enterprises, Clark was rehearsing a speech intended for the Reginellian people of the Bohren System, one he was expected to give through blinking in reverse morse code, and in order to ensure the atmosphere of their planet would allow them to hear him, Clark intended to pay them a visit. But instead, he was transported somewhere else.

Before he could properly register the time period and location he had landed, he had encountered The Shadow in the middle of rescuing a steamship on fire from sinking.

He was clinging to the side of it unseen from the panicking passangers, drilling bullet holes to the bottom of the ship so it would fall to the side and steer clear from a passing fireworks yacht. He was holding a rope attached to a nearby tugboat with one hand, and with the other he was clinging to the boat's window. The tugboat was moving outside of the steamship's range, and as it moved, it would drag The Shadow and tilt the steamship as he gripped it, just enough to prevent the steamship from colliding head-on with the coming barge.

The tugboat had three men within it, one piloting it and two holding on to the rope that The Shadow had attached, working along with The Shadow to try and pull the steamship. One of these men had a missing eye and was dressed in aviator gear, presumably the pilot of the autogyro atop the tugboat. The other was a tall, muscular black man in suspenders, who dwarfed the pilot in both size and strength.

The strain of their pull could dislocate The Shadow's arms at the very minimum, if not outright kill him, his plunge would carry him 20 feet into the water and potentially under the sinking steamship. Still, they pulled with grim determination, although the boat driver had his eyes closed, and Clark recognized the Yiddish mutterings coming from his mouth as a desperate prayer.

Though they did not see him, these men were extremely thankful when Superman had blown out the inferno with a single breath, and pushed the boat all the way necessary for it's passangers to land on the barge safely, and rescued The Shadow.

Of course they knew the Chief was gonna pull through, he always does.

If The Shadow was thankful for Superman's interference, he didn't show it. In the second he had regained enough strength to talk, he rattled off dozens of names, of passangers in the steamship that had been bruised, by either the flames, the panicking crowd, or the criminals that The Shadow had stopped. People that needed to be taken to medical assistance faster than the ambulances could carry them, of family members that had to be contacted.

He did so without looking at his rescuer, for he remembered Superman, who expected his presence in this timeline to have been erased after he'd destroyed the Hypertime Collider.

Nothing indicated it hadn't been.

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Their most recent encounter was the outcome of an accident where Vandal Savage had trapped Superman in the Arctic and rebuilt his Hypertime Collider, in the hopes of contacting alternate versions of himself so they could all gain Superman's powers and conquer their worlds.

One of said versions was hunted by The Shadow through the portals. The adventure ended rather quickly as the Savages all turned on each other in their tried-and-true method of solving problems with large rocks, but amidst the chaos, a final burst of energy had granted The Shadow a temporary access to Superman's powers.

Thoughts passed through Clark's head of the last time Bruce had accidentally gained access to Superman's abilities, and how despite his best intentions, Bruce couldn't help but overestimate his own ability to wield said powers responsibly. Of how many times he's come across iterations of Bruce who've gained superpowers and used them poorly or tyranically.

He thought of how often he needed to reign himself back, and of the man in black who stood before him, with eyes like thunderstorms ready to break.

The ways in which he is like Bruce, and the ways in which he is decidedly not.

But before Superman could take any sort of action or even ask how he was feeling, The Shadow turned around silently and started walking, straight in the direction of the Fortress of Solitude.

Upon reaching it, he took the million-ton key from beneath the rug that spelled Welcome in a million languages, opened the door, and walked straight into a high security anti-Superman cell within it, designed specifically as a desperate measure against rogue Kryptonians, only stating Superman was going to have to watch him so he couldn't escape.

Clark had never even told him about the Fortress.

He stayed there for the next 12 hours, as Superman ran tests on him to ensure his body wouldn't be negatively affected by the transformation. Clark chose not to remark that some of the bone-deep injuries he had spotted on The Shadow's body previously had healed, as he knew it wouldn't take long for him to acquire new ones after this was over.

They talked briefly at points, and for much of it, The Shadow assumed the façade of Cranston. Sometimes he remembered to breathe and blink, things he forgot to do with startling ease once he no longer needed them.

Clark understood it to be a diplomatic gesture, a façade over the untameable and fearsome Shadow who was frankly unnerving to be around. Even a kind gesture, an effort to address Superman as a man asking for help. Not different than how Superman would prefer to be Clark Kent in order to approach people and ask questions and say things that Superman could never say.

There was a discomfort, of course. There would always be one between the two.

Still, Superman took it as a victory when, after the 12 hours were over, he heard that familiar hiss, with equal intensity but no aggression or even contempt, spell out a "Thank you", as he turned around and was unsurprised to find The Shadow no longer there.

They were not friends, they were not enemies, they belonged to different worlds. They were opposites in their battles for truth and justice.

But truths are often opposite. It is a truth that not all opposites are opposed.

Truth is often as chilling as it can be comforting.

#replies tag #superman #the shadow #clark kent #lamont cranston #my writing #i gotta start putting more of my writing out there and idk i just felt like i had to answer this question this way #i don't question what my brain tells me to do anymore

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