#john mulaney incorrect quotes

[chaoticace2005]

Hazbin Hotel characters as John Mulaney quotes part 1:

(Part 2 3 4)

Alastor: I made a salad with craisins!

Charlie, about Vaggie: She and I have totally different styles. When my wife walks down the street, she does not give a shit what anyone thinks of her in any situation. She’s my hero. When I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting. My wife said that walking around with me is like walking around with someone who’s running for mayor of nothing.

Lucifer: Also, I would never say that, not even as a joke, that my wife is a bitch and I don’t like her. That is not true. My wife is a bitch and I like her so much.

Vaggie: Shut up, you’re all gonna die. Street smarts!

Angel: I’ll keep all my emotions right here. And then one day I’ll die.

Niffty: Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you?

Husk: Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014! I just all day long I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.

Sir Pentious: Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel memes #hazbin hotel incorrect quotes #john mulaney #alastor hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #vaggie hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lucifer hazbin hotel #chaggie #angel hazbin hotel #angel dust hazbin hotel #angel dust #niffty hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #sir pentious

[obscurelittlebird]

#north and south #north and south 2004 #john mulaney #north and south incorrect quotes #north and south meme #classic lit #classic lit meme #elizabeth gaskell #obscure content

[thethirdtreeofvalinor]

#has this one been done #the rings of power #rings of power #lotr amazon #lotr on prime #tolkien #lotr #lotr memes #the lord of the rings #lotr fandom #silmarillion #silmarillion memes #incorrect tolkien quotes #incorrect silmarillion quotes #incorrect lord of the rings quotes #john mulaney quotes #john mulaney

[uncorrectintamed]

Wen Yuan: I am very small, and I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.

#mdzs #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #wen yuan #lan sizhui #incorrect quotes #source: john mulaney

[puzzled-pegasus]

I made a list of Sanders Sides as John Mulaney quotes a long time ago and forgot how Absolute Gold they are

Logan: 

"I'll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I'll die."

Roman: 

 "I need everybody, all day long, to like me SO MUCH."

"Everyone get out of my way, I just want to sit here and feed my birds."

"I never knew that relationships were supposed to make you feel better about yourself. That's not really a joke, that's just a lil sweet thing I like to say."

Virgil:

"Do My Friends Hate Me, or Do I Just Need To Go To Sleep?"

"I am thirty-five years old and I am still terrified of secondary locations."

"In terms of instant relief, cancelling plans is like heroin."

Patton:

"My vibe is more like, 'hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I'll probably apologize to you!'"

"Ooh, ducklings!"

"[My dog] is my best friend, I give her a million kisses a day, she does not like me and barks at me and bites me all day long."

Janus:

"And I said 'no,' you know, like a liar."

"You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair."

*imitating an old gay man* "you want me to do what?"

"No, that's okay. I was lying. It was a lie. To get drugs. You know, like a crime?"

"You can go very far in life if you pretend to know what you're doing."

Remus:

"SCATTER!"

"FUCK DA PO-LICE!"

"Because it's the one thing you can't replace."

"Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he sucks and I will totally kill that guy for you."

#sanders sides #sanders sides incorrect quotes #john mulaney quotes #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders

[modernincorrectlotrhobbit]

Boromir: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Legolas: *grabs and drinks the entire bottle*

Boromir:

Legolas:

Legolas: It’s perfume.

#source: john mulaney #incorrect quotes #incorrect Hobbit quotes #incorrect lotr quotes #incorrect lord of the rings quotes #lord of the rings #lord of the rings characters #the hobbit #boromir #legolas #legolas greenleaf

[incorrectjokerout]

Nace,holding an antique bottle:Is this whiskey or perfume?

Jure:*grabs and chugs entire bottle*

Nace:

Jure:It's perfume.

#joker out #incorrect quotes #incorrect joker out quotes #nace jordan #jure maček #source: john mulaney

[incorrect-piltover-quotes]

Ekko: *holding an antique bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?

Vi: *takes the bottle and chugs the whole thing*

Vi: It's perfume.

#incorrect piltover quotes #incorrect quotes #league of legends ekko #league of legends vi #ekko #vi #league of legends #riot games #submission #source: john mulaney

[sandrasoapbox]

Bo-Katan: "WHERE WERE YOU THEN?"

Din (who was a child during 20-19 BBY): "I was over on the bench."

#the mandalorian #the Mandalorian season 3 #the Mandalorian s3 #bo katan kryze #din djarin #john mulaney #star wars #lucasfilm #Disney plus #incorrect quotes #incorrect mandalorian quotes

[aprill-99]

EACH BRIDGERTON COUPLE AS JOHN MULANEY QUOTES:

Daphne & Simon:

Daphne: “A friend of mine asked me if I’d ever been given the sex talk, and the answer is yes… I think.”

Simon: “My father was COOOLD BLOODED.” + “Does my best friend hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?”

Kate & Anthony:

Anthony: “I’ll keep all my emotions right here and then one day, I’ll die.”

Kate: “Get out of here with your facts. Just because you’re accurate does not make you interesting.” + “I’m new in town, and it gets worse.”

Benedict & Sophie:

Benedict: “This is a healthy twenty-eight year old man trying his best.”

Sophie: “I was a maid for a while. I was treated well in my day. I worked for a variety of sirs.”

Colin & Penelope:

Colin: “My wife is a bitch and I like her soooooo much.”

Penelope: “We spend most of our time proving to people that we are who we say we are. Think about that for 10 seconds and tell me you don’t want to walk into the ocean.” + “People say crazy things all the time. And those things mean nothing to them, but they mean everything to me.”

Phillip & Eloise:

Eloise: “Thirteen year olds will make fun of you, but in an accurate way.”

Philip: “It was like, you know one of those days where you just go ‘this might as well happen.’”

Michael & Francesca:

Francesca: “I try to stay optimistic, but I will admit, things are getting pretty sticky.”

Michael: “We don’t get better than this. It’s just going to be worse versions of me from here on out.” + “And if you think I seem unlikable or out of control in that story, then just remember, that’s one I was willing to tell you.”

Hyacinth & Gareth:

Hyacinth: “Well none of us ever really know our fathers…… Anyway-”

Gareth: “I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress I am under.”

Lucy & Gregory:

Gregory: “I do hear you, and I also don’t want to be doing what I’m doing.”

Lucy: “In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroine.”

Lady Danbury & Lord Ledger:

Lady Danbury: “Shut up you’re all going to die! Street smarts!” + “It’s wrong to make fun of people, but it’s just so fun sometimes.”

Lord Ledger: “My vibe is like ‘hey you could pour soup in my lap and I’d probably apologize to you.’”

George & Charlotte:

King George: “it seems like everyone, everywhere, is super mad about everything, all the time.”

Queen Charlotte: “I simply do not give a shit what anybody thinks of me in any situation.”

Bonus:

Violet: “Putting a thirteen year old in charge of your younger kids is like getting a dog to babysit your horse. If something goes wrong, they can just maybe get help a little more quickly.”

#incorrect bridgerton quotes #long post #source: john mulaney #simon x daphne #anthony bridgerton #daphne bridgerton #bridgerton #benedict bridgerton #simon basset #kate x anthony #kate sharma #benedict x sophie #sophie beckett #colin bridgerton #colin x penelope #penelope bridgerton #michael x francesca #michael stirling #francesca bridgerton #eloise bridgerton #phillip crane #gareth st clair #hyacinth x gareth #hyacinth bridgerton #Lucy x Gregory #gregory bridgerton #queen charlotte #charlotte x george #lady danbury #lady danbury x lord ledger

[chaoticace2005]

Hazbin Hotel characters as John Mulaney quotes part 3:

(Part 1 2 4)

Vox: I was hoping by now that I would look older. But it didn’t happen. I don’t look older I just look worse, I think. Honestly when I’m walking down the street nobody’s ever like “Hey, look at that man!” I think they’re just like “Woah! That tall child looks terrible! Get some rest tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends.”

Angel: Part of me was like whatever, you know? You know those days when you’re like “this might as well happen.”

Angel and Vaggie about their respective partners: I never knew relationships were supposed to make you feel better about yourself. That’s not really a joke that’s just a little sweet thing I like to say.

People watching the show: I think eventually everything is going to be okay. But I have no idea what’s gonna happen next.

Niffty: I know now I’m definitely never gonna be president. Not unless everyone gets real cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly.

Charlie, about Alastor: We started chanting, McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's! And my dad pulled into the drive-thru, and we started cheering and then he ordered one black coffee for himself and kept driving.

Any time literally any character’s backstory or internal issues is revealed: Now we don’t have time to unpack all of that.

#niffty 4 prez #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel memes #niffty #angel dust #angel dust hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel incorrect quotes #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel husk #huskerdust #alastor #charlie morningstar #vox hazbin hotel #source: john mulaney

[incorrecthatchetfield]

Bill, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Ted: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle*

Ted:

Ted: It's perfume.

#submission #source: john mulaney #incorrect quotes #tgwdlm #starkid #incorrect starkid #the guy who didn't like musicals #hatchetfield #incorrect tgwdlm #incorrect hatchetfield #hatchetverse #bill woodward #ted spankoffski

[wisefoxluminary]

Allan: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Ken: *grabs the bottle and drinks all of it*

Ken: It’s perfume.

#barbie #ken #allan barbie #ken x allan #barbie 2023 #ryan gosling #michael cera #barbie incorrect quotes #source: john mulaney

[callsign-daydream]

Maverick: I don’t know why Cyclone has an assistant. He does not need one. Unless he needs someone to be like, "Remember, Admiral Simpson, at five o’clock, you need to keep looking like a hard-boiled egg."

#top gun maverick #top gun incorrect quotes #original: john mulaney #pete maverick mitchell #beau cyclone simpson #pov: cyclone walks in as he's saying this looking like a hard boiled egg

[anxietydrenchedrat]

Boo: *trauma dumping about life to Rosa*

Rosalina:

#mariolore #lovebunnycosplay #incorrect mariolore quotes #super mario #king boo #rosalina #oh my gosh they’re married now #I feel so happy to see this romance #john mulaney #Rosalina really said #gaslight gatekeep girlboss #murder is okay

[shyjusticewarrior]

DC Comics Incorrect Quotes Pt 240

Tim and Duke: McDonald's! McDonald's! McDonald's!

Jason: *pulls into McDonald's*

Tim and Duke: Yay!

Jason: *orders one black coffee and leaves*

#dc comics #dc #comics #dc incorrect quotes #comic books #funny #john mulaney #memes #tim drake #robin #red robin #duke thomas #the signal #signal #jason todd #red hood #character dynamics #batfamily #batfam #batsiblings #batkids #batbros #bat brothers #found family #funny incorrect quotes #funny memes