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vulcanhello · 2 years

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star trek the savage trade was. so much. there were implications. there were friendships. there were ten thousand unfulfilled ideas. it was not well written but it WAS a ten course meal of food for thought

the most interesting part of this book was the complexity between spock and valek which was completely disregarded even though it arguably had the most interesting stuff going on. for example; when they meet up again after over ten years

varen is her twin brother, which we’ll get to. but here she’s pretty rude towards spock, despite later telling kirk that she felt bad for bullying him/formally arguing against his existence when they were kids. which. okay. only to LATER find out she’s been amongst humans for over ten years. she even starts this little romantic thing with kirk like this

she does stuff like this multiple times. kirk as the narrator even frequently mentions how ‘un-vulcan’ her actions are

i thought it might have been heading in a direction where she also felt like her emotions were getting the better of her as a kid, maybe making her feel like spock was better than her even being half vulcan, but no. it was just about her going along with every other vulcan’s prejudice towards him. then there was this whole thing where she came to take back her opinions because she respected sarek and amanda so much, and of course once spock grew up and proved himself’ she respected him too. but like. there’s so much there. the main point made here regarding all this was that vulcans underestimated spock because obviously spock is great but he couldn’t earn respect until he proved himself in his profession. until then though it was public debate over his existence. imagine your classmate getting up and arguing you shouldn’t be alive. and the only person who’s disagreeing with her is her brother. WHICH.

next point: spock ‘when i feel friendship for you i feel ashamed’ has longtime childhood friends he still keeps in contact with? obsessed. what’s this? you’re not going to include him in the narrative? bro. varen is apparently spock’s only friend from way back and this isn’t even talked about. it’s basically just the reason why valek was angry with spock as kids but she already didn’t like him so it wasn’t like her brother and spock being friends was a catalyst. what i’m getting at is that this author put SO MANY interesting things in the story and then just didn’t use them. ACTUALLY GOING OFF THAT

obsessed when novels mention sybok. this one’s especially interesting as according to her, sybok was seen as better than spock. in the final frontier novel it went that sybok felt like an outcast already, and was noticeably more emotional than other vulcans. spock, who assimilated and became as vulcan as possible to offset being half human, was still seen as less? insanity. i just feel like there’s so much going on here talking about spock’s childhood and then when you read the end of the savage trade spock’s just chillin with ben franklin absolutely uncaring (which good for him. if i met a childhood bully who was now everything she bullied ME for? i would be ruthless. spock elects to lose to benny frank in chess multiple times so he’s above all that)

anyways there was so much the author could have done with valek because she was really really interesting but her and spock almost never interact and it ends up falling pretty flat. LOST OPPORTUNITIES, like pretty much every star trek book in existence

ok one final thing the spock and varen being vulcan lab partners thing was really cute

#sorry i literally want to tear this book apart with my teeth THERE WAS SO MUCH THAT COULD HABE BEEN EXPANDED UPON #and yet the runtime is filled with kirk and valek trying to get togethr 💀#also like half the plotlines of the first half of the book were completely dropped in the end this was NOT a well written book but bro #whatever happened with valek and spock and varen was ten thousand times more interesting #especially if we wanna discuss spock having a single friend from childhood he still keeps in contact with #i think that’s nice that’s something i want for spock even if it doesn’t really fit his character as someone who felt so alienated from v #vulcans that he ended up in starfleet #i would love to read abt him and varen what do they talk about? apparently varen attended the VSA so #they send their upcoming papers back and forth for editing and in the space version of google doc comments they drop all the drama from #their respective workplaces #ok fr tho i think this part of the book would have benefitted from valek and spock having more interactions. i mean she’s REALLY out here #acting very human and the FIRST thing she does is get on his case about FRIENDSHIP? when literal chapters later she commits the same crime!#i KNOW its bad writing bc in what world would spock admit to having friends but BRO. in the context of the story taking it at face value BRO #also. it was kinda funny that in the beginning of the book kirk is so wow mr spock its like we have a consistent and ongoing mindmeld we’re #so in synch <3 #and then turns around and falls in love with this woman because she’s sooo vulcan #sorry! it’s funny to me. what do you really want sir 🤔#ok kidding i thought the valek / kirk thing was kinda sweet #i need to annotate this book and everything because the only thing mccoy did this whole story was have crazy sex with the ex gf of the #guy who wrote candid which. not my fav of the high school lit but #there was a slavery plot that mostly got dropped with the two alien races from the beginning #i think if i could rewrite any book it would be this one because it was THERE IT WAS ALL THERE. it just needed the talent and the time #okokok im done. for now #captain’s log #trek books #tos

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lizzibennet · 4 years

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jane austen’s pride and prejudice (1813) has many great moments that i’d gladly make thousands of posts analyzing but i just love the “accomplished woman” scene SO much. like you could get rid of the rest of the book and be left with that scene and you would still have the thesis of the book laid out pretty nicely for you. as he lists the characteristics an accomplished woman has, darcy actually means to pay elizabeth a compliment, since he clearly holds her in high regard and would probably include her in his list of accomplished women, but she interprets it as both an insult and his ego coming through. their respective prejudices blind one to the other’s true intent and understanding in what is essentially a summary of the book’s entire point and it’s such a big chef’s kiss from me!!! in this essay i will—

#just me.. chillin....... still obsessing over this book #pride and prejudice #jane austen #austen

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roguestarsailor · 3 years

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You know what since we’re still in quarantine and i have nothing else better to do, i need to obsess over ACOTAR. I don't like a court of frost and starlight. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. I aggressively read the book in maybe a day and I closed it feeling frustrated and annoyed. My version had A Court of Silver Flames preview so that definitely contributed to my annoyance greatly.

It's because it felt too perfect. Everything that had happened -- after the entire war was fought and won, they just go back to their normal lives? Yes there were hiccups and yes there were still aspects that made every IC character feel like their problems aren’t solved yet...but it didnt feel right. yes i enjoyed the snowball fight between the bat boys, feyre + rhys sexy time, and those little comfort moments too, the slice of life type things and seeing feyre accomplishing her goals and how hopeful the future seems BUT its too fast. the good parts of the book did not offset the bad parts of it.

Feyre literally accomplished pretty much every single goal she made back in ACOMAF just like that?? within a span of what a few months? a year?? She really came back from an entire war -- probably the first war of many since she's immortal and just like that, after her 21st birthday: she gets a whole entire estate, wants to start poppin babies, opens her art studio and starts teaching kids and then acting like she can rule an entire court?? the timeline is sooo short esp since its been brought up over and over again how everyone is literally 500 years old and have a super “messy” history and their changes seems to come super dupe slowly. but feyre, who has only lived 0.000000002% of her fae life, is out here thriving just fine???

the war devastated thousands of illyrian soldiers where its changing the politics of the illyrains and the faes, all of whom feyre has responsibilities over too as high lady. the mortal queens are still at large who left the humans on prythian to die which is why feyre was willing to go to war in the first place! what about the rest of hybern and their land and residents?? they wanted to enslave humans for social and economical reasons! then what about integrating humans w deep hatred and fear with deeply prejudice fae??? there’s also spring and summer court who are literally in ruins. thats literally so much. so idk how feyre is just chillin???? she gonna let rhys do all the hard work???

like feyre sit down. u should not be having a baby. esp since it took u literally a 700 pages to heal from those 3 months UTM. ur telling me shes gonna whole heartedly bring in a newborn in a war devastated world, with civil unrest (illyrains, other courts), with the messiness of human and fae integration, with trauma u and rhys will have to continue to overcome esp after THIS war??? even helping ur sisters w their traumas??

this is a personal opinion on this subject (and maybe my thoughts will change on this later on; opened to other thoughts) but when i read the part about how that weaver/seamstress artist who made that dark quilt that feyre loved talked about how her mate of 300 years didn’t come back from the war and her biggest regret was that she didnt have a kid to remember him by i just thought ur kid isn’t some sort of memorabilia. don’t have a kid to keep the memory of ur mate alive; have a kid cuz u want a kid purely for the sake of having a kid. ur memories and photos and shit will keep their memory alive but its not having a kid. some primitive need to keep the genes alive maybe?? but the way it was phrased and then in turn how feyre was like oh i need a baby pronto cuz rhys might die in the next war and regret not having a kid with him didn’t sit right with me. also the other couple were together for +300 years and have a rich life together, while shes been with rhys for literally two years THATS NOTHING IN FAE YEARS. thats still the honeymoon phase and also ur problems arent even close to being over!!!

everyone was shitty to nesta. in ACOMAF, we saw how much the IC went through and still did all they could to help feyre. what made them not think nesta deserve the same welcome? nesta is mean as a defense but did no one try to figure out what would help (amren got close but shes so under developed)??? feyre knows nesta feels too much and yet she continued to be shitty. continued to flaunt her wealth, her status, her familiarity/borderline know-it-all attitude about fae/night court, her ~estate~. forcing nest to the solstice party when nesta was literally like i dont belong, im looking at everyone through a window type of thing; the fire cracking triggering her, etc. what kind of power play was that when she made nesta come to her estate, where nesta could SEE how ~homey~ and how suscessful feyre is and fully see all the lovely paintings of everyone feyre loves that explicitly exclude her to tell her to fuck off to a war camp?? bro???? cas was a dick too and elaine was rude. i think a lot of his actions were meant to make her angry since anger keeps u fighting (as was the method of rhys for feyre in ACOMAF) but what he said was stupidly shitty and i demand that he apologize properly. elaine could have done more to help her sister but whatever. mor was definitely an ass too (and im upset for how little her character growth is).

Lucein. that man can’t catch a break tbh. im happy that hes w the band of exiles cuz he is whole heartedly accepted there. feyre was definitely an asshole to him even tho he helped as much as he could throughout the books. he tries so hard w elaine as well and it did hit my heart a bit when she was like gloves to work in my garden?? no ?? i use my bare hands see oNly aZiReL sEeS mE fOr WhO i Am. and at the same feyre is like flaunting her mate status to lucein which is mean as shit. its like this man can’t find love in prythain. then tamlin sending him his box of his things??? thats for sure brutral. tam was literally his partner through it all; savior of sorts even. no love from IC, no love from elaine, no love from feyre, no love from tamlin, no love from autumn court rejected everywhere! also HIS TRUE FATHER?? HEllo???

then on tamlin. i pity the guy! was i suppose to feel that way??? it felt like he is allowed to get a redemption arc and maybe i’ll even root for a redemption arc??? i was absolutely excited for freysand in ACOMAF but after ACOFAS, im like tamlin is....not completely bad??? his relationship w feyre was bad and the controlling parts were very much a no-no. i dont truly understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship but i can understand that it can be insidious and its the little things that hurt the victim. and i felt feyre through ACOMAF and rooted for her to escape her abuser! but then it felt like i dont think he was doing any of those things out of malice. ill say tamlin is a bad leader and doesn’t know how to run a court outside of what he sees his father do. his understanding on everything is based on the traditions of the past which i think fueled most of the things he did i.e. not telling feyre she was in danger since maybe his mom didn’t do those war planning things. ACOTAR showed how he truly cared/loved and took good care of feyre and her family. he even talked about how he didn’t believe in the enslavement of humans! i think that tam wanted to preserve what he thought was the good (aka feyre + her love of painting) and get back a sense of control that he and his entire court lost while chained to amarantha. but at the same time, i think he truly thought feyre wasn’t safe. he knows rhys can crush minds and knows feyre can’t read/write so when he got that letter telling him shes safe of course hes gonna flip shit and made a deal w the devil (although those temper outbursts were DEFINITIVELY not ok!!!). he also didn’t listen and has sense of he knows best when feyre was not the type of person. but feyre destroyed his entire court. he lost all his sentries who literally went out to die for him during amarantha’s reign. he lost lucien too; his trusted right hand man. his people were cursed for 50 years and then continued to suffer UTM and was in the process of rebuilding too! but just seeing spring court, WHO BORDERS THE HUMANS, be in ruins where his subjects left him, his people left him and hes all alone in the manson?? that was sooo sad. so im like why does what feyre did not feel satisfactory????? im mad that it didn’t feel right??? maybe there wasn’t a point where feyre talked to tamlin -- like really talked to him esp w her new found voice and power, etc. anyways, i dont hate tamlin and was like oh shit i think feyre fucked up a bit there.

rhys is a dick to nesta. which made me think, if feyre wasn’t his mate would he extend the same love and care to her??? i loved how he tried so hard to make sure feyre was ok. made sure she wasn’t breaking! all of it! but for nesta, he had the audacity to use his high lord voice and be an ass overall. even tho he can see how cas is fucken in love??? even just how he talks to cass feels off too.

i’ll even go as far as to say because of how terrible ACOFAS was, it created this intense divide within the fandom. i remember reading the first three books and was absolutely 1) rooting for freysand 2) curious about the sister relationship and how it will be mended 3) i definitely didn’t hate nesta nor did i hate elaine either -- but i was adament about them talking it out with feyre for those tough times 4) saw a more realistic and charming healing arc 5) was rooting for feyre to be a stronger voice and grow into herself 6) love the dynamic of the inner circle + feyre

but after ACOFAS, I have this intense need to defend nesta and was super mad at how she was treated after the war and in turn a deep dislike for elaine for both her lack of agency, lack of grit that made all the other characters interesting, and lack of care for her sisters (who showed how much they would risk for her). i dont hate rhys but i was extremely not happy with him and his attitude and behavior. feyre became more arrogant and was acting like how asshole rhysand would act. like her life is perfect now and i was not rooting for her anymore. freysand didn’t feel like they have complimenting qualities that made them interesting in the first place but rather they are merging to become the same person but in a bad way. that mind reading thing was cute in the beginning but it became insufferable since all thoughts were shared so seamlessly it made reading feel weird.

anyways those are my thoughts on ACOFAS. it was a 1/5 stars for me and im mad those events transpired. reading the other books made me excited to know what was gonna happen and i was truly ready to accept the characters as flawed and nuanced as they are. im not mad about character not liking each other but i am mad that everything felt off. ACOFAS just felt regressive in some parts and forced in other parts. i know not everything ends in a nice tied up bow but this book single handily ruined what i thought about these characters in the worse way possible. this book wasn’t suppose to wrap up all the problems that exists in the other books but it didn’t feel hopeful like i thought it would. it didn’t feel wrapped up and didn’t feel like i should be excited about the next books. theres so many missing pieces i feel that i think need explaining and at the same time, i think it introduced too many problems at once which made it feel like its jumping around everywhere. although im still excited for ACOSF because i love nesta, and nesta deserves so much better and i want to have hope that this bad ending will either make sense later on or it was just a blimp.

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belphies-pillow · 3 years

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How do you think the brothers would react if they found out that MC was apart of the circus?

Heya!!!! I hope you’ve been keeping well!

(Special thanks to @lani-danae, @erpprincess, @sirenserene for helping with some ideas! 🤟💕)

I took a little bit of a different approach from the original ask! If you want me to change it, don’t hesitate to let me know. ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)

Warnings: The only thing is a slight event spoiler in Beels section.

Demon brothers react to an MC that’s apart of the circus and Diavolo overhears (ﾟωﾟ;)

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During your time in the devildom, the brothers have made it their mission to learn everything about you. They wuv their MC! An aspect of your life that they obsess over is your career choice. I mean, how often do you meet someone who’s apart of the circus? Luci and Satan asked intellectual questions about the logistics and training involved. Beel wanted to know about the types of food they had. Belphie : 😴. (He’s a sleepy boyo) Asmo fawning on about what roles could be enhanced by his beauty. Levi booked it to Anidaemon to buy every circus themed anime/games/manga he could find and drags you into his room to watch/play/read them all. Mammon started trying to plot a way he could profit from it.

Their fatal mistake was talking about it at RAD, not realizing Diavolo was within earshot. DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!!

Prince Himbo (I love him lol): “MC! I had no idea you had such a fascinating career!”

Luci: “No......”

Prince Himbo: “This gives me a fantastic idea!”

Luci: “Please no....”

PH: “The student council shall put on RAD’s first circus!”

Lu: *Screams internally, dies a little inside*

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Lucifer: *Lion Tamer*

This particular lion is of the Devildom variety so he has his work cut out for him. Is so annoyed he’s even in this situation, he briefly contemplates turning the lion on Diavolo. He ultimately decides against it because of the amount of paper work that would be involved.

Good thing he’s skilled with that whip...

Mammon: *Clown*

Hes just such a wonderful, loud, boisterous derp! It’s like the role was made for him! Lucifer even threatened talked him into driving around in the little clown car. He almost made it through the whole show! bbbbuuuttt ended up crashing into the sea monsters tank, effectively causing a now very angy sea snek to go on a rampage.

🤡 🌊

Leviathan: *Sea Monster aka Angy Sea Snek*

At first he literally got on his knees and begged Lucifer not too make him do this. Too much attention for our sweet otaku bb. Came around to the idea though when he found out all he had to do was swim around a bit in a costume. Secretly had Satan enchant his Nintendo Switch so it worked under water, ultimately chillin’ at the bottom of the tank playing animal crossing. That was until a certain clown came barreling through the side of the tank, wouldn’t have been so bad except for the fact that his switch was destroyed in the process “MMMAAAMMMOOON !!!”

Lotan was subsequently summoned and flooded out the entire colosseum.

Made for a pretty great finale though

Satan: *Knife Thrower*

He’d originally intended to put on a magic show of sorts. Changed his mind after finding out one of his extremely rare probably cursed, ancient tomes was sold on an auction site. We all know he’s got good aim with those books he throws when he’s pissed, how different could knives be?

“Stay still brother, wouldn’t want anything.....unfortunate to happen, now would we?” ( ⋂‿⋂’) 🔪

“Gahhhhhh!!!!” ━(◯Δ◯∥)━ン

Asmodeus: *Trapeze*

If Asmo cared any less about the performance, he’d be dead. Originally Mammon was considereding this role. Mams is agile and has that eye catching swagger. Then Asmo saw the costumes trapeze artists wear in all their glitzy glory, and after sobbing dramatically for three days now has the job! There were so many sequins and rhinestones on his leotard that when the light would reflect off it, audience members were covering their eyes and ducking.

“Ahaha! You’re all just so blinded by my perfect beauty!”

Beelzebub: *The Lion*

Someone Solomon thought it would be a unique touch to breakout that celestial realm serum to turn Beel back into a Lion. Started to go feral from the smell of funnel cake nearby and charged at the crowd. Amid the screams and panic came Lucifer. With his whip in one hand and a hellfire cheesecake in the other he was finally able to wrangle his brother back in before anyone got devoured.

“Rawrrrrr, rawr, ra-rawr, purr” he’s still a lion, that’s the best ya get.

Belphegor: *Cannonball*

Oh sweet, sweet sleepy grump. He did try, really he did. After attempting a dozen different acts and falling a sleep through all of them, including a cringing mishap while tight rope walking......he became the cannonball!! Not particularly thrilled by this but thought at least he would get to sleep while he waited. Was awoken to the sound of more gun powder being loaded into the canon

“Woah there! I thought it was just a small shot to the net what are doing?”

All Belphie saw out the front of the cannon was the very top of a poofy white hat and heard the words

“THIS IS YOUR DAY OF RECKONING DEMON!”

Then BLAM!!!!

Belphie got to briefly remember the sensation of flying while being launched over the wall of the colosseum.

Lucifer found him in the top of a tree where Belph-a-bean was tangled muttering “That sneaky ass little chihuahua....”

Luci pulled him out but not before taking a few pictures for posterity.

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A very special thank you to @thekingoffrogs for the awesome ask! I always have so much fun with these! ❤️

Also! Thank you so much if you take the time to read my posts! I genuinely appreciate it! 🤗

Take care dears and keep well! 💕💕💕

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me Satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me Beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me diavolo #obey me MC #obey me Luke

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k-n-e-o · 4 years

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Cuddling with Stray kids

Requested? Yepp 😊

Genre: fluffy!

Warning: none

A|n: I hope it’s still soft hours sweetie (I hope this is soft enough too)

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Chan

Okay okay, this man is one out of three cuddly people in stray kids.

The thing is, with the members he’s very affectionate and touchy but I feel with you he started off more reserved?

Mostly just cause he didn’t want to overstep boundaries, so it would’ve just been like his arm around your shoulder and your head on his chest.

And I think he’d still be like that around his members,

But when you’re alone or he’s really tired it’s full-on just collapse on top of you and he will never leave.

In all seriousness though

He seems like a honeymoon hug kinda guy

I just see him laying there admiring your face, leaving tiny little kisses all over your face.

One last note he would be obsessed with playing with your hands while you cuddle. (This makes me so weak just thinking about it)

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Minho

Just hear me out

For some reason, the first thing that came to mind for Minho was any cuddling position where he can slap your butt.

I’m sorry but it’s true 😂

I literally see him cuddling with you on the couch while you watch a movie with the members, he was laying down and you were hugging his waist, his arm around your waist.

And just because he randomly wanted to

He moved his arm that was wrapped around your waist to hover over your butt before he just, slapped it, placing his arm back around you.

The members would look over to you and you would shrink further into Minho’s chest.

And this dude would just be smiling cheekily.

I have so much to say about lee know because he’s one of the more cuddly and affectionate members but I don’t want his to be too long :(

But final thoughts

Literally will cuddle you whenever and wherever and literally however

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Changbin

He would lay on top of you but in a joking matter before he wraps his arms around you and flips over so you’re the one laying on top of him.

Loves doing this for some reason.

Okay he really seems like the kind of guy to cuddle you right after he’s had a shower and his hair is still really wet and stuff and he just kind of traps you lol

oH! He loves to rest his head on your butt when you’re just laying on the bed scrolling through your phone.

Like lee know, he would also slap your butt (Just not as much lol)

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Hyunjin

OKay I’m a little too excited about this one lol

BuT I so see him being the kind of guy to always lay his head in your lap and expect you to play with his hair.

And I mean always, doesn’t matter where you are he will find a way to rest his head on your thighs.

Would probably whine quietly if you tell him no or he can’t find a way to do it at that moment.

Anyways moving on.

Like changbin he would just lay on top of you for no damn reason, just chillin’ ya know? But he wouldn’t flip you over, he would stay there on top of you even if you smack him saying you can’t breathe

He will draw out the moment for as long as he possibly can.

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Jisung

One of the most accepting of cuddles.

I feel like he also doesn’t really care how you cuddle.

But he is living for cuddling you while he works. Just having you sit on his lap while he writes lyrics

He finds it so comforting having you there all the time.

He puts up with all of your fidgeting too (If you fidget that is)

I think he also has a habit of just placing his hands on your thighs while you cuddle

Your legs are always intertwined too.

But sometimes your legs go numb.

Likes to be touching you at all times though even if that’s just with an arm draped over your back or your whole body touching his.

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Felix

Cute boy time!!!

I was watching a video and there was a scene where Felix was back hugging seungmin who was back hugging changbin and he had the cutest little smile and he looked so pretty

Guys the image is just too cute.

But expect that to happen when you cuddle with him because he’s just the happiest with you.

Definitely the kind to lay on your chest and hug you around the middle.

If you’re sleeping he’ll probably poke your face and admire you

He’s also the kind of guy to just backhug you and then fall onto the couch or bed and just laying there spooning.

This is literally so cute.

He also has you resting between his legs a lot too, just hugging you close, your back flush against his chest.

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Seungmin

This is one of my favourite forms of cuddling.

And I feel like he would do this one a lot (I mean maybe, maybe not idk)

But you and seungmin are resting on the couch.

He sits normally and you sit with your back resting against the armrest, your legs are thrown over his lap and this is just where you guys chill because he can read or work or whatever

Quick interjection though, how cute would it be if you just had a reading session and you’re cuddled up to his side (Or vise versa) and just both read from the same book (might be kind of hard especially if you read at different tempos but it’s still so cute)

No matter how you’re cuddling tho he will leave little kisses on the shell of your ear.

Also, because he’s just a little bit weird like this, he will sometimes nibble your ear.

Just cause.

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Jeongin

Not the most cuddly member but I think he’d be a bit more cuddly with you, especially if this boy is worn out and tired.

I think he’s more of a whatever is comfortable, I don’t really see him as having a favourite way to cuddle.

Although I really do think he’d love it when your head is on his chest or something because it makes him feel all grown up and like he’s keeping you safe or something

Okay, I also think that like when your sleeping together and just subconsciously you’ll touch butts…

Sounds weird but hear me out

You both fell asleep watching something on his phone, cuddling normally (Like your head on his chest or hugging his side or something) and then in the morning when you wake up facing away from each other and literally just your backs and butts are touching in order to still be close.

Bonus:

The scene 😁

__________________

I hope you enjoyed 💙

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stonertransdad · 3 years

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Life Update since I hadn't been on here in forever

The pandemic was/is wild! Lockdowns started literally around the time we were going to the fertility specialist to get her pregnant. I lost my job to COVID in March shortly before we did the procedure, but we decided there's never really a good time to have a kid. Why not during a global pandemic when one of us in unemployed? (BTW, I don't recommend having a kid during a pandemic. Not being able to go to all of the appointments and having to sit in the parking lot was brutal.)

Let's talk about May friends...it was rough. (TW for mention of suicide btw. I'll post a gif where it's safe to start again if you wanna skip over it.)

So May 1st is the anniversary of my father's suicide. It had been 4 years. I found his body and since he wasn't married, I had to handle his affairs and arrange his funeral. May 1st, 2020 my wife and I had a Zoom game night with our friends and I got drunk because everyone was drinking (except my wife because she was pregnant). After our game night at like 2am, I had a psychotic break. I threatened to kill myself numerous times. My wife tried to talk me down, but eventually called the cops to take me. I thank her for that because looking back, that was the moment I knew something needed to change. I was convinced the cops were gonna kill me because I'm a trans dude in rural West Texas. I legit took the phone out of my wife's hand, hung up on 911, and yeeted her phone across the backyard and tried to hop the fence. Eventually the cops came and talked me down. They took me to the hospital an hour away in handcuffs (for their protection I did nothing wrong). They took me to the religious hospital that I was born in. So when they looked up my info by my name and date of birth from my driver's license (I only changed my middle name) literally all my paperwork and my bracelet had my deadname and wrong gender despite all of my legal stuff saying male with my new middle name. I mentioned it to them and they didn't care. They misgendered me the entire time I was there. I had hit my head hella hard on the bath tub when my wife was trying to snap me out of it, did the hospital even check me for concussion? Nope. I had punched so many things and my hand and wrist were swollen and discolored. Did they check out my hand and wrist? Nope. I was there for over 10 hours before I was able to convince them I was okay and that it was just the alcohol. Did I mention during that 10 hours I was literally out in the hall on a gurney with no mask and this was when COVID was running rampant in Texas (the first time)? I heard people die that night. I had nothing to distract me because they took away all of my personal items and clothes. My wife picked me up and we went home and I have been sober ever since. It's not the first psychotic break I've had with alcohol in my system. Alcohol just doesn't agree with me, but I'm finding new things to replace it with.

TW has been lifted...it's safe now.

A couple of weeks after that I began teletherapy because I had been on the same mood stabilizer and anti-depressant for almost a decade. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense that I felt like it hadn't been working for at least a year. This is a reminder to check in with your doctor if you feel like your meds aren't working. You may just need a different dose or a new med. There's no shame in that. I bounced around on various medications trying to find the right combo, some side effects scarier than others, but we got there. Before this, I had been diagnosed with ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My therapist threw out my Borderline diagnosis and said it was CPTSD instead, which made sense.

Fast forward to December because my wife was pregnant, I was unemployed still, and we did absolutely fuck-all because the global panini was still raging.

Our son was born on December 3, 2020. He weighed 5lbs 9oz and scared the ever loving shit out of us. He wasn't breathing when he was born so they called NICU in ASAP. I'm freaking out because I can hear and see what's going on while my wife was asking if he was okay as they put her guts back in place to sew her up. 5 or so minutes pass and a nurse asks if I want her to take some pictures. I'm like is he okay, he still hasn't cried. She's like "oh yeah, he's chillin." This goon was being held by a nurse and was just looking around not crying or anything. Chillest baby ever (he still is btw). I held him next to my wife's head until it was time to go back to the room. Little dude did have to spend 4 nights in the NICU because he couldn't keep his sugars or temperature regulated, but he was healthy otherwise. He's now 4 months old and is starting to sit up on his own a little bit and he's OBSESSED with standing. He's still a little guy, but very healthy and growing like a weed. He saves my life daily.

So after being unemployed for over 9 months, I started a new job working in a call center. I absolutely hate talking on the phone. It gives me anxiety and throws me into panic attacks, but I had been putting out hundreds of job applications since I lost my last job and this was the first offer I got. I wasn't really in a position to turn it down since my unemployment had ran out 2 months prior. It was 2 months of training, then we'd be on our own. I got thru the training and thought I could handle it...until they started putting us on live calls with someone helping us if we got stuck. My mental health hit the lowest point it had in a few years and my wife was terrified she was going to lose me. She convinced me to quit on February 28th (not because I didn't want to, but because I'm a stubborn ass who felt guilty). My meds got tweaked a little bit more dosage wise during this mess.

Starting about mid-February, I was experiencing severe shakiness, tremors, and spasms. I've always been a shaky person and never really thought too much about it, but at some points I could barely feed myself, or get a drink, or hold my son. On March 7th, I tried to make an appointment with my doctor about the weird symptoms I was experiencing, but she was out of town and her next opening wasn't until the 31st. My body said that won't work and my wife rushed me to the ER on the 9th...I had begun having seizures that day. I had no previous history of seizures. Got to the ER and had a seizure literally as I was walking thru the door, so they rushed me straight back. They took some blood and that was literally it. No MRI. No CT. They pumped me full of Ativan and said it was just a panic attack and to go home and chill.

Spoiler Alert: It wasn't just anxiety. I was having 20+ seizures a day. On the 10th, my wife rushed me to a different hospital...the good hospital over an hour away. First we had to drop off our gremlin with my mom to make things a little easier. Yet again, I had a seizure as I walked in the door and was taken back immediately. I don't really remember much because they kept pumping me full of Ativan and morphine because I had been in excruciating pain from the number of seizures I'd had. I do remember them doing a CT pretty quickly after I got there. Then they weren't happy with the results of the CT, so they took me to get an MRI, which showed possible signs of Multiple Sclerosis (but I didn't find that out until AFTER the notes showed up in my patient portal after being home a few days, so I raised hell...more on that later.) They did a 24 hour EEG on me and it showed nothing abnormal. Also, EEG glue is a bitch on your hair and scalp. After looking at everything and given my previous mental health history, they diagnosed me with Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures, or PNES. It is a subset of Functional Neurologic Disorder, or FND. I couldn't walk well anymore and had to use a walker when I was discharged. I was in the hospital for 3 days.

When I had my follow-up appointment on the 23rd, I asked why the possibility of MS was never mentioned to me since it was very clearly in the notes. The doctor didn't have an explanation. He called in a referral to neurology so I could get a 2nd MRI to confirm MS and marked it as high priority. He also didn't take my pain seriously. My pain levels had been at a 5 or higher every single minute since they took me off of the morphine in the hospital. He told me to keep taking prescription strength doses of ibuprofen and Tylenol, which I had been. I let him know I had been and it didn't even take the edge off the pain. He ignored me. Leading up to this appointment, I had also added urinary incontinence to my growing list of symptoms and was forced to wear diapers so I didn't have to do laundry all the time. The doctor also took me off my ADHD meds because they were lowering my seizure threshold. He also took me off of my sleeping meds and nightmare meds for the same reason I'm assuming.

I kept my appointment on the 31st with my primary doctor because she's been my doctor for 5 years now and I knew she'd take my pain seriously. She did. She immediately wrote me prescriptions for a muscle relaxer and Tylenol 4. She also told me that my referral had been rejected by neuro. She said my case wasn't a good one for what she called a "wallet biopsy" and the doctors in neurology could be real assholes. She immediately sent the referral to other locations to get an approval. I am still waiting on that despite it being marked as high priority. She wrote me a prescription for a wheelchair because we both agreed my wheelchair was not enough for particular days.

Yesterday my wheelchair was finally ready for pickup, so my wife drove me to go get it. I'm still unable to drive due to my seizures and my tremors and twitches as it's predominantly in my legs and arms. I am an ambulatory wheelchair user now. Some days I can go short distances without my walker, some days I can't go without my walker, some days I can't even get out of bed, and some days I will be using my wheelchair. Don't judge a book by its cover, not all disabilities are visible. I have managed to keep my daily seizure count down in single digits and have even had a few seizure free days. They are still incredibly taxing on my body. I feel like I can't ever replenish my spoons fast enough to keep up with anything in my life.

So all in all, life has been chaotic. We are moving from Texas to New Mexico in the next few weeks, which should be interesting considering I can't overdo it without throwing myself into seizures. We will be closer to my mother-in-law so she can help us with our son and I can start resting a bit more on the more difficult days. Being a stay-at-home dad with an invisible illness has been one of the most challenging things I've done in my life, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to update my followers since it's been over a year since I posted before a few days ago.

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dachi-chan25 · 3 years

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Haven't done this in a while but I had the time so why not?

1.- Pizza Girl by Kyoung Jean Frazier

🌟🌟🌟🌟

I really did like it, reminded me a lot of "Convinience store woman". Like clearly our protagonist needed thrapy ASAP to help her deal with her dad's death, her pregnancy, her attraction to women and hell just for existing as an Asian woman in the USA, but I liked how messy and obsesive she was and how the author allowed her to be fucked up and take bad decisions, I love to see female characters simply exist, it's also a pretty short read so I definitely recommend it.

2.-The Authentics by Abdi Nazemian

🌟🌟🌟🌟

Daría is a persian teen who is really involved in her cultural background and feels that the most important thing one can be is authentic, so that's the name she and her friends take for their clique. But everything comes crashing down on her when she discovers she is adopted, and soon follows an identity crisis. I loved it so much, it felt pretty realistic, like Daría could be self absorbed and unlikeable at times, but who wasn't as a teen? And we get such beautiful heartwarming moments between Daría and her family and friends. Totally recommend it.

3.- The Mall by Megan McCafferty

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Cassie has her life completely mapped out but nothing goes quite as planned, first she gets mononucleosis and after she gets better gets dumped and fired almost simultaneously. Determined not to let it get the best of her, Cassie gets a brand new job, reconnects with an old friend and even finds a hidden treasure. This one is so much fun, all the 90s references and the growth Cassie goes through is amazing, honeslty i would love to see this as a Netflix movie.

4.- Luster by Raven Leilani

🌟🌟🌟🌟

This book was hard, Edie is a very raw character, at first she seems flippant even when describing disturbing facts about her past or details about her relationship with a much older man she seems to be talking about something that happened to someone else all this to cope dealing with her solitude, her trauma, her self hate. And gosh it was so intresting to see her interact with Rebecca and Akila, especially Akila as Edie finds kinship in this young girl not only cuz they are both black but because they are both lost and afraid.

5.- Lakewood by Megan Giddings

🌟🌟🌟

Lena decides to participate on a financially compensated medical experiment so her mom can get proper medical care and to lessen their debts after her Grandmother's death.

So I had many mixed feelings about this, on one hand I liked that we are adressing how sistematical racism has permited experiments on black people with no consequences at all and how it has been happening for decades, but there were certain parts of the book that I couldn't enjoy as much because they were very trippy like I get we are on Lena's mind as things are becoming muddled up because of the medications and all those mind games and the words they have her memorize and repeat but all of it took me a bit away from the story. Still I do recommend it just be aware there is quite a bit of body horror in this so if you are sqeamish better skip it.

6.-The Voting Booth - Brandy Colbert

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Marva and Duke meet on election day as she helps him find the precint he is registered on.

This is very enjoyable, the story is very straightforward, and it insists on our right and responsability to vote even if we feel our vote alone can't possibly change all the injustice we see in the world. And also the romance was cute and developed slowly as Marva and Duke are just knowing each other. Really cute and quick read.

7.- Such a fun age - Kiley Reid

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Emira works as a babysitter for the Chamberleins' . She loves her little charge Briar, although she feels preassured to seek a 'real job' by her friends and by her own economic troubles. Emira soon finds herself in the middle of a tug of war between her boss Alix who tries to befriend her, and Kelley the guy she is dating.

So much drama. This is a great example of what performative activism looks like, first Alix is completely nuts, from her obsession to be seen as this wonderful understanding girl boss activist and the down right creepy sense of entitlement to Emira's friendship and intimacy. Like it doesn't surprise me she chose to victimize herself instead of recognizing it had all been a misunderstanding. And even then she still wants to seem atractive to the man she feels victimized by. Girl no.

Kelley is the ultimate fake woke ally. Dude Robbie was wrong period, he had no business inviting people over to someone else's house no matter the color of his skin. You don't get to talk over Emira on matters of what a person of color should do or feel on certain situations. That said it was so funny when he and Alix called each other out for their fetishization of people of color and yet none of them actually gave a damn about what Emira thought/felt/percieved. They just wanted her stamp of approval so they could pat themselves in the back for being such good allies.

8.- The Life and (Medieval) times of Kit Sweetly by Jamie Pacton

🌟🌟

Kit is working as a serving wench at the Castle, medieval themed restaurant run by her uncle, though she really wants to be a Knight, not only cuz the better pay would help around the house but because she really admires Joan of Arc, problem is the Castle management doesn't allow for anyone who is not a cis male to be a knight. Kit is set on changing that.

Ok so I feel a bit lukewarm toward this. Kit in my opinion doesn't get much growth, it seems she just can do whatever and her friends have to be ok w it, her romance w her friend feels pulled out of nowhere like Jett at one point tells her he is not intrested in dating her and then he is ???, those GoT references killed me, I get it I watched the show and sometimes even enjoyed it but it's not representative of anything medieval and Kit was always talking about how much she liked the actual history of the medieval times so...

Also as much as this book was about feminism and how we should fight for equal job oportunities, it feels as though Kit only cared about medieval woman who fought physically and not on the badass medieval woman, like idk it feels as a rejection of tradicional feminity like even the girl playing the Princess is a jerk. But I did like some parts, like her decision to confront her asshole dad to help her mom and the girls training together.

9.-Cien años de soledad de Gabriel Garcia Marquez

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

En Macondo, una población Colombiana a un lado del río, vemos como una de sus familias fundadoras crece, se expande y cambia a través de cien años.

Me encanto, hace mucho tiempo que no leía una novela de realismo mágico que me provocará tantos sentimientos. Creo que todos los personajes reflejan aspectos de la humanidad tan diversos y complejos que sería inútil tratar de enlistarlos todos.

Ultimadamente siento que lo que condenó a la familia Buendia a cumplir las profecías de Melquiades fue sus propia naturaleza que ellos nunca tuvieron intención de pelear, siempre sucumbian a las locuras o pasiones que los inundarán sin mesura alguna o consideración por las consecuencias. Y creo que aún así lo prefiero pues es lo que hace a cada personaje por confuso que a veces llegue a ser la repetición de nombres (que para mi es el simbolismo de una naturaleza y destino continuos) único e intrigante. En verdad espero que se den la oportunidad de leer este libro por lo menos una vez en sus vidas.

10.-The Monsters of music by Rebecca F. Kenney

🌟🌟🌟

This is a gender-swaped modern retelling of the Phantom of the Opera.

It was creative to make Mel, our Phantom, a true magical creature, and the singing contest was also cool. Like don't get me wrong I did have fun reading this but it also felt pretty unpolished like most characters were teens on the contest and that kinda made me roll my eyes a bit, like unless it's the Voice Kids age ranges are quite ample on this kind of shows, also kinda clumsy the addition of the magical elements with the modern setting, Kiyo didn't make much of an impression with me even when Christine is my fave on the original book. Still if you are a Phan like me you might wanna check this one out.

11.- Anna K by Jenny Lee

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This is a modern americanized ya retelling of Anna Karenina.

Not gonna lie this made me cry so much at the end. I really liked Anna and Vronski together so much, and I don't like the love at first sight trope, but here it felt so inevitable. Anna was so self contained until she met him and could truly explore being herself and they really loved each other so much. Also I liked the treatment of the side characters Kimmie and Dustin were well developed and I really enjoyed this one can't wait to get to the second book.

12.- Wonderland by Zoje Stage

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It was ok, but I was actually a bit disappointed cuz I had such high expectations for it. Like for about half the book I was really into the atmospheric vibe the book pulls you into, but as we get the reveal it started to go down hill for me, and the ending left me feeling meh. But maybe it was just not my cup of tea.

13.-Home Before Dark by Riley Sager

🌟🌟🌟🌟

This book is so well crafted!!! I love how it goes back and forth between past and present , first it feels as if history is repeating itself, then as both narratives unfold we start to question and discovering things and the twist at the end was chillin and masterful, I truly and wholeheartedly recommend it.

14.- The Girl with the louding voice by Abi Daré

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Adunni, a teenage girl, flees from her husband to work as a maid in Lagos, though everything she has ever wanted is to study.

This broke my heart, as it reflects how people coming from rural backgrounds get taken advantage of in the City, like similar things happen here in Mexico, but also it made me glad to see Adunni fight and keep her spirit so no one could ever silence her.

15.- The Year of the Witching by Alexis Henderson

🌟🌟🌟🌟

Immanuel does her very best to fit in Bethel, follow the scriptures and the Prophets words, but nothing seems to be enough to erase her mother's sin especially when the Darkwood seems to pull her in. As a plague starts to ravage Bethel, Immanuel has to face her past to save her people.

So frickin' good !!!! This story is great, mainly about the explotation of woman and young girls by people in power (in this case a church), the atmosphere is always tense, Ezra and Immanuel 's relationship is very well developed and one can really see how loyal they are to each other. A great option for horror fans.

#july 2021 wrap up #wrap up #dachi reads stuff #dachi rambles #booklr

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

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[zelthie]

What's were you doing before you got on the computer? Drinking coffee and watching TV.

Is there anything you really want right now? To not feel crappy would be nice.

What's the best gift you've ever gotten? I couldn’t possibly choose just one.

What's a song you think the world needs to listen to? I don’t know.

Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? Nah.

Do you think you have a good understanding on love? I haven’t experienced the romantic kind still.

You just discovered a new color! What would you name it? I have no idea.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor? I’m not a big ice cream person, but I do like strawberry, mint chocolate chip, cookies and cream, and birthday cake. I haven’t had ice cream in years, though.

What do you want to do on your honeymoon? I don’t plan on getting married.

What's one thing you remember learning in school? The Fifty Nifty United States song. And all of the Grammar Rock from Schoolhouse Rock VHS tape. <<< Awww, yep I remember both. Those Schoolhouse Rock tapes really helped me with my multiplication as a kid and it’s cool how the states song stayed with me all these years later.

Are you more of a cat or dog person? Doggo.

How do you want to be remembered by people? I don’t need to be remembered by people. I’m sure my loved ones will remember me and that’s all that matters.

Do you like road trips? They can be fun, but long car rides are rough.

Do you think Medical Marijuana should be legalized? Yeah.

If you were forced to dye your hair another color, what color would you get? I don’t know... I really just want to keep dyeing it red.

Are you excited for anything? No.

What do you think of your parent(s)? I love my parents, they’re the best.

Are your grandparents dead? My maternal grandparents are, RIP. <3

What celebrity do you think should of never become famous? All the pervy, gross, bad ones out there, which unfortunately seems to be a lot.

What's your favorite thing to do online? Tumblr and YouTube.

If you could appear on any TV show, what show would you choose? Nah.

What does your full name look like without the letters t,a,i,o,e,l,n or s? I’ll just do my first name: Ph.

Your mood summed up into one word? Shitty.

How often do you talk to other people about the weather? I bring it up most when it’s hot.

Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey right now? Not really. My TV is on, but it’s more background noise at the moment.

What's a name you wouldn't mind having? I’ll stick with mine.

What's your favorite thing to wear that you own? My leggings and graphic tees.

What do you think of Barbie dolls? I was obSESSED with Barbies as a kid.

When you were little, did you ever want to go to Disneyland? Yesss. I was fortunate to be able to go a few times. I still get just as excited as an adult.

What's the first thing you thought in your head when you woke up today? I woke up to my brother handing me a Starbucks, ha so that was nice. He’s so sweet.

If your best friend confessed that they can see the future, you would...? I don’t believe in that, but I’d question them about it and hear what they had to say.

Write a random quote that comes to your head: Nah.

What's your opinion on milk chocolate? I like it, but white chocolate is better.

What about Dark Chocolate? Ew.

You do know that white chocolate isn't even really chocolate, right? I don’t care.

Do you get annoyed when surveys mention a band you\'ve never heard of? No.

What's your opinion about Katy Perry's song "I kissed a girl"? I remember how risque that was considered at the time lol. People were like *gasp!* She what???

What's your least favorite pizza topping? I’m super picky and basic, so I don’t like any other toppings besides what I put on mine, which are white sauce, cheese (preferably feta and ricotta, but I’m not picky about the cheese), garlic, spinach, green onions, and crumbled meatballs if they have it.

What would you do if you discovered the US was now drafting for the war? I have a physical disability, so I’m out of the running but I’d be terrified about my brother getting drafted.

Are you even living in America, or are you from another country? Yes, I live in the US.

What's your favorite social website? Tumblr and Twitter.

Do you believe in heaven? If so, what's it like? If not, why? Yes. I’ve never been, obviously, but I imagine it to be like how the Bible describes it to be.

What's your favorite video game? Mario Bros games will always be a favorite.

In your opinion, is Bzoink the best place to find fun surveys? I never go on there myself, but a few fellow survey takers on here seem to find a lot of surveys there that I then steal from them, ha.

What's your opinion of high school? It had its ups and downs. The first two years were rough for me.

Do you prefer the country or city? I like both, but I think I prefer living in the city. I’ve never lived in the country, though, so I can’t say for sure.

Texting: Is it fun, evil, boring, or none of the above? I don’t text much at all, I’d just say it’s convenient and preferred over talking on the phone.

What email service do you use for your main (or only) email account? Yahoo.

What's your favorite dumb pick-up line? *shrug*

What are your plans for the next 48 hours? Same things as always.

Did you ever read "Captain Underpants" when you were little? No, I was older when those came out. My lil bro loved ‘em, though.

What's better: The old Cartoon Network, or the new one? Or do you not care? I’d say the old, for sure. I don’t know wth happened to that channel, mainly the Adult Swim segment. Like seriously, what. the. fuck.

Disney Channel shows are all pretty cheesy, aren't they? I’m definitely biased, but Disney Channel growing up and in my teen years was waaaaay better. I haven’t watched it in several years now, but I feel like the shows for kids and teens nowadays are super cringe.

What's your opinion on the Jonas Brothers? I’m a fan, but I was a huge fan in my teen years. I’ve kept up with them as a group and their solo and side projects all this time.

What are some of your favorite singers/bands? I have a lot.

Why do the lead singers in bands always get the most recognition? Because they’re the voice and face of the band. I think the other members certainly should get their recognition, too, though. They all together make up the band and its sound.

Did you ever believe in the Tooth Fairy? Yeah.

What's your favorite type of weather? Fall and winter weather.

What's your opinion on reading books? I love reading.

You're given a chance to act in a Hollywood blockbuster! Would you accept? Nooo.

What it if it was a movie directed by Tim Burton?(He directed Sweeney Todd) I enjoy his work, but still no. It wouldn’t matter who was directing it.

How do you feel about Taco Bell? I like it. It’s been awhile since I’ve had it, though. I went through a major Taco Bell phase a few years ago and was getting it all the time.

Are you hungry right now? Yes.

How often do you go on to YouTube? Everyday. I spend a lot of time on there, mainly for ASMR videos, but also other stuff I like to watch. Usually while I’m eating I like to catch up on some videos.

It's possible to be addicted to anything... What are you addicted to? Caffeine.

What's your opinion of Walgreens? I like it. My mom also works there.

Back when Spongebob Squarepants was famous, were you interested in it? Not really. I just watched it here and there cause my lil bro was into it. There were quotable moments I liked, though.

What's your dream pet? I love having doggos.

You see a mermaid while relaxing on the beach with friends. What now? lol I’d just assume it was a group of people chillin’ with mermaid tails. You can buy blankets or costume pieces like that, so.

Who's been your favorite teacher growing up, and why? My 4th and 8th grade teacher, Mr. McG.

When you were little, did you ever like Pokemon? I did have a brief Pokemon phase. I collected the cards, too.

How often do you get headaches? Not often at all, so when I do - they really tend to hurt pretty badly. <<< That’s how mine are. I’ve been sick this past week and headaches have been apart of that, unfortunately, and they haven’t been fun. I can’t take anything for them either, which really sucks.

Do you have any songs stuck in your head right now? If so, what? That new Wendy’s jingle, “Bag alert, major bag alert.” That commercial comes on constantly and that’s literally the only words to the jingle. It’s annoying.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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thethirdwheel404 · 4 years

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Med Rewatch Series (#10)

S3 E10: Down By Law.

Episode Description: Dr. Manning sustains an injury while helping a drive-by victim and Dr. Rhodes finds himself in uncomfortable waters.

Connor being in ‘uncomfortable waters’? I can hear Ava bullying him already.

(also i wrote a little thing abt maggie giving ava a red bull so enjoy that little bit of content)

Let’s get into it.

-barry just yeeted natalie against a car holy shit that’s fucking hilarious

-will needs to chill the fuck out

-YESSSSS

-THIS WHERE CONNOR BRINGS THE WOMAN HE WENT OUT WITH UP FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. AND THEN AVA HARASSES HIM FOR IT.

-this is one of the most iconic ava moments. (it’s first thing that pops up under the tumblr tag)

-ava overhearing connor not knowing his date’s last name. and ava walking over, already getting ready to make fun of him. barely concealing her smile

-the confidence with which she set down the file. she was too prepared and too excited

-this could just turn into a list of ava quotes

-”It must be hard, remembering all their names.”

“You know I read Derek Jeter used to send his conquests home with a gift basket. But a full cardio work up is... It’s much classier.”

-ava bekker secret baseball fan?

-Connor: “Jeter? You a baseball fan?”

Ava: “Oh, no. It’s much too boring. But I love gossip.”

-interesting. very, interesting... is it weird to anyone else to think about ava liking gossip?

-like the idea is fun and all but i hate the idea of ava being suuuper obsessed with gossip. it makes her seem way too shallow in my book. that being said, one of my hcs about women gossiping about all the shit men do to ava bc they know she’ll call them on it now has a lot more precedence

-i know she explicitly says that baseball is boring but i can’t get the idea of ava being a secret baseball fan out of my head. its just so novel

-HER SHIT EATING GRIN

- Connor: “Well, we will get you in and out of here as quickly as possible.”

Ava: “That’s what Dr. Rhodes is renowned for around here. Quick in and outs.”

Connor: *turns to her condescendingly*

Ava: *two finger salute* “I’m Dr. Bekker, by the way.”

-the lesbian icon jumped out

-also the fact that in the previous episode Ava’s mentor did the exact same salute. idk what it means but it’s not that important

-ava trying to hide her smile when asking the woman if she wanted them to contact her husband

-ava overhearing again when latham tells connor the woman he was with was doing cocaine

-ava smirking when connor says that he thinks the heart attack was from his sex and not the cocaine

-connor thinking he’s so good at sex he’s going to give this woman a heart attack

-he really drives All the ladies wild in EveryWay (sex, suicide. he’s the whole package)

-latham asking connor point blank “did you partake in the cocaine?”

-the ct team gives connor so. much. shit. it’s so funny

-also. ava just chillin at her desk looking at scans? that’s the kind of content i want to see. just her just being there. doing her own thing. that’s what i want

-THE GUY WITH A TEENAGE WIFE IS A REVEREND HOLY SHIT

-counting down the minutes til natalie drops dead (passes out but yk a girl can dream lol)

-sarah. back at it again with her rayon jacket and button up and backpack. the coffee cup only adds to the aesthetic

-connor being surprised that latham isn’t gonna let him do surgery on the women he fucked (twice, he might add)

- whatever you do, don’t think of a brown bear. are you thinking about it?

-maggie dealing red bull to people who need it. that’s a very soft idea

- ex:

Dr. Bekker is sitting at the desk in the ED. Well, sleeping, more like it. Her head is resting on her fist, her elbow precariously close to slipping off the the chair armrest, and her eyes open by just a hair.

“Dr. Bekker.”

Ava jolts awake.

“Maggie,” Ava says, strong accent cutting through, acknowledging the person standing over her. Hastily, she adjusts her jacket and scrubs, smoothing them back into place.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this tired.”

Ava shrugs, seamlessly slipping back into easy confidence.

“Rough couple of cases. Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Uh huh,” Maggie says, unbelieving.

She sets a can of Red Bull on the desk with a knowing look.

“You need this more than anybody.”

Ava scoffs. “Those things? They are murder on your heart, come on.”

Maggie hums and walks away. Ava watches her leave, and when she’s out of sight, Ava darts forward, grabs the energy drink, immediately cracking it open and downing half of it.

- anyway.

- @punksarahreese that’s on you for making me believe ava loves energy drinks

- let’s continue

- sarah looking at charles telling her not to do something: I am not going to do a thing you said

- go off babe. it was the wrong decision but go off

- all the nurses watching this guy call nat a bitch: 👀 👀 👀 👀

- will being like: god that guy called you a bitch i fucking hate him

- and natalie being like: he is also refusing to let us treat the 14 yr olds cancer but you obviously have priorities

- sarah is so logical. she’s good at talking to people. can you FUCKING IMAGINE IF SHE HAD BETTER GUIDANCE (oh and less trauma)

- this is also the one with that hilarious screen cap of sarah holding a knife

- the way she is so calm about handing this patient a knife gives me anxiety

- THIS SCENE IS SO HARD TO WATCH IT SCARES ME SO MUCH

- sarah just in alone in a room with a man who keeps having visions of stabbing his wife. and her just handing him a fucking knife oh my god i have too much anxiety for this

- rewatching the series and getting completely confused bc norma is 5′7″ but she looks so short next to colin and the guy who plays latham

- AND RACHEL IS ALSO 5′ 7″ BUT THEY BOTH LOOK SO SHORT - WHY EVERYONE ON THIS SHOW SO TALL

- anyway. ignore that that’s not important

- I... the parallels btwn sarah offering this guy the ability to slit her throat (for therapy) and ava cutting her throat... i don’t know what to do with this information

- idk but sarah holding the knife got me feelin some type of way

- the way connor looks at ava with such contempt bc she... does her job (and his but yk) especially during the hug wtf dude honestly just stop looking at her

- this is also the episode where ava pawns off the patient’s hug onto connor. while yeah, it could ava just being annoying to connor by forcing him to hug his one night stand’s husband, but she did give connor due credit. (and something to be said about her being confused and a tad uncomfortable when the patient hugs her, which is why she pawns it off to rhodes)

- she also doesn’t hug the guy back, which is kind of funny, she never moves her arms and just shrugs out of it

- and like after the hug she takes a few steps away from the guy, really not wanting any more physical contact or attention

- there’s something interesting in ava’s expression when connor gets hugged by the guy, can’t quite explain it. i’m gonna go with it’s her trying to keep a straight face while connor hugs a man he just helped a woman cheat on, but that’s not all of it so

- or. okay, I think i got it. i think that that little expression when connor gets hugged is her rolling her eyes at him getting credit when ava did most of the heavy lifting. yes. final answer. i’m satisfied

- and her looking away from them is her stopping herself from laughing, bc connor is obviously not enjoying this

- and he’s so sad and angsty he can’t even play along with the jokes

- and ava smiling at him with pity as she walks in to talk to the patient, bc that’s really what it is. she feels bad for him bc connor is so obviously lonely

- and connor’s annoyed bc ‘dammit she does have a right to pity me i suck rn’

- med pushing the women are tough agenda LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP

- you hate your women characters so much just fucking shut your mouth

- and will being like ‘ i have a lot to learn about women not being objects’

- and nat saying ‘you are way further along than most’ like no, he’s not. the bar is on the ground and he still can’t jump it

- i’m pretty sure this show doesn’t pass the bechdel test. holy fucking shit it doesn’t. you’ve gotta be kidding me. (at least this episode doesn’t)

I can’t believe this episode didn’t pass the bechdel test. The only convo btwn two women were like maggie and sharon and they talk about barry and oh my god this is infuriating god med the bar is so low. And I’m pretty sure most episodes don’t pass the test anyway. Will is literally the representation of med. He gets lots of credit for doing bare minimum things like giving women rights.

Anyway.

This was a good episode. We dissected a lot of unspoken Ava things, which is very good. Ava had a lot of moments where she was there, but didn’t say anything, and when your characters can do that, that’s when you know your characterization is very good.

The moments where Ava isn’t really doing anything to forward the plot of the episode but she’s still just there, doing her own thing, are hands down my favorite. Her sitting at the desk looking at a scan while connor tells latham he didn’t do cocaine could possibly my favorite ava moment in the series, just bc it shows how much of her own character should could’ve been.

I drew an interesting parallel btwn sarah offering the guy to slit her throat and ava’s death. i have nothing for that but go wild

This episode also showed us Ava pitying Connor, another new aspect. she gives him shit but she also pities him. very good ep for little ava moments

as always, thanks for sticking through it

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

#chicago med #ava bekker #med rewatch series #down by law #mine

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intothewickedwood · 4 years

Text

Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 3x10 The New Neverland

Yay! A nice Snowing centric!

Back to Storybrooke!

Weeee! Nothing to see here. Just a flying pirate ship.

Aww. Granny and Grumpy hugging Henry!

So many hugs!

Snow and Ariel reunited!

Oh snap! I forgot that wasn’t the real Henry!

Aw, Wendy reunited with her bros! I wonder if they stayed in Storybrooke as they’re originally from the Land Without Magic. Her little brothers are now physically older than her! That must be weird!

Oh they are going home. But is there home still there’s? They parents must unfortunately be dead by now.

Oh man, poor Henry trapped in that box all alone. If I was him I’d have thought I was trapped forever but he probably had enough faith to believe otherwise. It’s so lucky they released him. They were so close to just inadvertently abandoning him forever. I wonder what it’s like in that box. Is it like a genie lamp or bigger?

I wish Hook and Bae would stop fighting over Emma’s affections. Just let her choose if she wants to be with any of them.

Regina: “Give Tink her wings back.” The Blue Fairy: “In case you forgot, I don’t take orders from you.” Blue isn’t playing no games wid you, girl!

Blue is stone cold, man.

Snowing are being such cuties on their honeymoon. Look at them!

Nice try Snow! Charming ain’t no fool!

But what if Medusa’s just chillin?

Wait, why was that picture of Snow and Charming agreeing to go find Medusa just before the picture of Hansel and Gretel in the book? Hansel and Gretel retrieve the apple used for Snow’s sleeping curse in that story, which is of course before their honeymoon. Unless the stories in the book are not in order? Or it’s another Hansel and Gretel story?

How does Pan know about Regina’s vault? He seems to somehow know a lot about their histories. He must have spies everywhere or maybe he possesses some kind of clairvoyance, maybe even precognition. Or maybe he just read about it in the book.

Woah! Uh oh! He can just summon the shadow?! They didn’t count on that!

Well at least they’re not killing Medusa but still! Girl’s just chillin.

Snow not being able to put Regina out of her mind reminds me so much of Harry’s obsession with Draco in the Half-Blood Prince! I love how complex Snow and Regina’s relationship is. But of course I don’t blame her for not being able to put her out of her mind after a threat like that.

I love Charming’s blue outfit! It’s one of my favourite outfits!

What’s for din dins Snowing? David looks like he’s got some kinda pasta.

Oh! It’s Lasagna! Storybrooke’s citizens really love there Lasagna, huh?

Yay! David’s gonna be okay! Thanks Mr. Gold for saving my boy!

“Oh, if life were made of moments, Even now and then a bad one! But if life were only moments, Then you’d never know you had one” David’s an into the woods fan! Me too David, me too! I can definitely see David being into musical theatre. And we all know Zelena saw Wicked several times in New York! They both force the Charming-Mills family to see a musical once a month. You cannot convince me otherwise.

Emma, “I don’t know, keeping me away from Hook.” David, “You think I’m interested in Hook? Emma, I’m a married man.” Mlm David confirmed! And we all know Hook’s interested in you, David. I saw that flirting in Neverland! Look I like to delve into the wonderous world of Captain Charming every now and again, especially with Wish Hook. Snowing are forever my otp though!

Tink and Hook definitely had a thing in Neverland.

Ow! Poor Blue! That must have hurt!

‘Henry’ so evil. I love it! I needed more Pan!Henry or just evil Henry!

Look down! Don’t look Medusa in the eye!

Oh, snap!

Medusa used to scare the hell outta me! She’s still creeping me out though.

David, close your eyes!!

Noooooooo! Charming!!!

That’s petrifying! (See what I did there?)

I always think that when someone is turned to stone, the best thing you can do is lay them somewhere, because if they’re standing up, they can fall over and crumble! Just a life tip there.

Come on Snow! Freeze that bitch!

Charming! You’re okay!!

Charming: “Now I know what Frederick felt like.” Nice callback!

Can’t ‘Pan’ just step over the town line and regain his magic?

Oh yeah, the gun might stop him from doing that.

Lol. Regina’s just watching ‘Henry’ stare at magical objects evilly. Not suspicious at all!

Regina wanted to believe it was Henry so bad.

The Summer Palace is so beautiful, especially with those flowers.

My Snowing heart!! Forever melting because of these two! I love them so much.

They’re gonna have a bubby!!

I would have liked to have seen what Pan’s curse would look like. I know he was planning to kill the Charming’s etc. But if he didn’t kill them it could have been fun to see how things would have played out. I guess Pan was desperate for people to control. His lost boys had abandoned him and he needs to be in control at all times.

I really like this episode, more so than I remembered! It balances romance, character development, connecting the past story with the present one (I love it when they parallel Snow and Emma. They are more alike than they know), family, adventure and the threat of danger so well! I loved the Medusa scenes especially. They had me on edge!

#ouat 3x10 #3x10 the new neverland #ouat #once upon a time #snowing #mary margaret blanchard #david nolan #ouat rewatch #ouat rewatch 2019

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fleabaged · 4 years

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speaking of sharing scenes together, my unpopular opinion is that the whole dynamic of v pretending she hates eve and being blunt and all 'the only interesting thing about you is me' is Bad and I think they should move away from that vibe in future encounters. even in the bus scene i felt like v was trying to be nonchalant while reinforcing her perceived position of power over eve but like! let v be openly interested in eve!! surely we've moved past the 'pretending not to care' thing by now

I do have some nit-picky issues with some of the villaneve scenes in s2 ep 6, but it seems stupid to even complain about them when I so desperately want more haha. BUT mainly the intensity and sexual tension of ep 5 just kind of seemed to evaporate in ep 6. like they were just chillin in a restaurant with each other and swapping insults. idk, not a lot of scenes in ep 6 did much for the progression of their relationship (except for eve witnessing v kill and her going Yee Haw at it)- it still do b pretty sexy tho.

and I think they do that with Villanelle to demonstrate the ability to “flip flop” as a psychopath. To show that one minute she’s obsessed with you, to the next she seems like she’s not interested in you at all. And Emerald’s season was OBSESSED with that idea. (and the codename villanelle books also play with that idea allll the time too)

But I think we are getting our mutual devotion and confession of feelings soon.... (🤡).... and we’ll collect our v being openly interested in eve, but I don’t think they’re going to fully give up the idea that V can just snap on anyone at any time.

#ke watch #asks

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mockingbird-on-the-throne · 4 years

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Promised princesses and three headed dragons

I'm going to make this as short as possible (even though I've sort of linked this in with theories about Quentyn and Dany, too). I'm going to be skipping over a lot of my reasoning in order to keep this brief, so if anything seem like a real stretch let me know and I'll flesh it out.

So, the Princess in the Tower chapter of AFFC got me thinking about 1) why someone always tells, 2) how Doran always seems to know what's going on in Dorne and 3) marriage contracts and their uses...

For starters, I think that the marriage contract that Quentyn has with him is fake. Absolute crap, slapped together by Doran to give Quentyn a purpose behind his quest. But there is a marriage contract involving his sister which came about because of favour that he did for the Targaryens. Arianne is a little too wrapped up with her own queen-making schemes to realise the Queen in the Making is actually her. All her ire being directed at her quite innocent brother is a helpful byproduct of Doran's scheming because it means that she isn't suspicious of the people she should be... more on that later.

I don't think that Doran, who keeps such a good eye on what everyone is up to and who seems to have a reliable network of messengers, etc. in Dorne and who has used a fake letter to Quentyn to manipulate his daughter into learning as much as she can about Rhoynish culture and be obsessed with her birthright... would not know about that one time Rhaegar's mistress was in Dorne.

Well, 16 years earlier, a boy was born in a tower in the Red Mountains of Dorne: a Prince in a Tower, if you will. Personally, I cannot believe that Rhaegar's pregnant mistress and a bunch of White Cloaks, including one from a prominent Dorninsh house, would just be friggin chillin in Dorne without Doran's knowledge and express permission. So I'm thinking Doran was actually in on the Three Heads of the Dragon prophecy fulfillment. It doesn't make sense for Rhaegar to bring Lyanna to Dorne and expert her to be safe, even with his guard there, if Dorne is ready to throw down to protect Elia's honour. So the simple solution to this is that Elia (and her brother) were in on the prophecy and trying to keep Lyanna safe so that it could happen. The closest hold to the tower of joy is Kingsgrave which is the home of house Manwoody. A Manwoody accompanied Oberyn to King's Landing, refused to drink a toast to King Tommen, and long ago had married into the Targaryen dynasty. I think it would be safe to say that if there were problems at the tower, this house could have, in a worst case scenario, been called upon to assist.

But what about Doran and the child that would have been born at the tower? Even if Doran believes in a prophecy, he is a careful man and would probably need something a bit less vague than 'well, dear brother, you will help us fulfill a prophecy!' to take on the risk of housing the mistress of the prince during a civil war. Especially when, before Lyanna gave birth, word would have come from the capital that Rhaegar, Elia, and their two children were all dead. Well, Doran at that point had two children- a son and a daughter. The heads of the dragon with Dornish blood, Rhaenys and Aegon, had both just been brutally murdered. The Targaryens had lost the war and the balance of power in King's Landing was shifting to favour other houses. But there was still, if Lyanna gave birth to a healthy baby, a Targ that could be restored to the throne (at this point, I would guess that no one knew that the Queen on Dragonstone was pregnant with Dany). What could Lyanna promise Doran so that he would continue to risk Dorne by housing the vulnerable mistress of the dead Targaryen prince? A royal marriage would be a nice promise.

Some other things that could have happened in this scenario: a baby swap with Ashara Dayne undertaken by Ned (I'm not sure what the Dayne's end game is, idk who was raised where, I'm not sure Dany is who with think because she appears to have memories of Dorne ((the lemon tree)), I'm not sure what Howland Reed knows and why Arthur died, if Ned was clearly not about to -hurt- Lyanna or the baby, unless Arthur and the Kingsguard had some weird directions from Rhaegar that went against what Doran, Ned, etc wanted to do...). An important question at this point is- how did Ned know where to find his sister? Rhaegar was dead, the other Kingsguard were probably not spilling the beans, Elia was dead... unless, of course, Doran knew all along and had found a way to get word to Ned there is no way (other than supernatural knowledge involving a glass candle or something). He went straight there from King's Landing after the sack, so it's not like he was asking or looking around. What if Doran asked him to go there and sneak his sister away, and promised a safe place to hide the Stark-Targ kid that Robert would otherwise have smashed with a hammer? This is something that maybe the Kingsguard would be against, and would give reason to Ned and Howland's murder-spree. But it's not a strong theory. I guess we won't know until TWOW or later.

As I was working through this theory, I had assumed that the Daynes (other than Arthur) were working with Doran and were in on the Queen-making for Arianne scheme. I thought that Dark Star was the one to rat out the group, which would mean that he's in on making Arianne queen, because he is of House Dayne and might be aware of what happened at the Tower of Joy and who Arianne is meant to marry. But then when I got to thinking about house Dayne's motives, I wasn't sure. I was also worried that actually this didn't make sense because there is STRONG textual evidence for the real betrayal to have been from Tyene, either hearing the Myrcella plot from Andrey or Arianne herself. Well, if it was Tyene, which it almost certainly was, then it wasn't Darkstar, which means that the Daynes maybe aren't in on the plot at all, don't have a special relationship with Doran, are not a part of the real Queen making... but then I remembered that just one book earlier, in ASOS, there was evidence that there were two poisoners at the Purple wedding, and that two people actually killed Tywin (Tyrion killed him quickly, but he was a dead man anyway from Oberyn's poison). So I thought- well, why not both then? Tyene/Andrey told Doran of the plot, because she had always been reporting on Arianne, and Darkstar did too, because of his loyalty to the Queen-making plot as a Dayne.

TL;DR -- In exchange for safety in Dorne, Lyanna/Rhaegar promised their child would be wed to either Quentyn or Arianne. Doran may have changed plans when he sent Ned to pick up the kid, which made it necessary to kill all the Kingsguard. The Daynes are actually closely allied with the Targs and Martells, and there were actually 2 betrayers to Arianne's queen-making adventure (just like there were 2 murderers of Tywin- sometimes the answer is 'both').

I think the really interesting thing to think about is how much double crossing and baby swapping has really been going on. I think there is a good chance that we don’t know Jon, Dany, and (f)Aegon’s real parents. And in a story that subverts fantasy tropes, how much does their real lineage matter, as long as everyone believes in the lie?

#dorne #arianne martell #doran martell #asoiaf theories

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qvintcssence · 5 years

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Task || 002 — About the Mun.

01. what’s your name/alias you go by ??

Stephanie, but I go by Steph or S.

02. what’s your age ??

Well—if Dani’s ancient then I am prehistoric. If you insist on a precise number, I’m 30.

03. what’s your zodiac sign ??

Aquarius.

04. what’s your ethnicity ??

Dudes, I don’t even know my blood type let alone my heritage. What I do know is that I’m whiter than casper.

05. what’s your nationality ??

American.

06. what’s your favorite band and/or musical artist ??

Hahaha, cover your ears, Cody. It’s Taylor Swift.

07. what’s your dream job ??

My absolute dream job would be writing either as a novelist or showrunner. That said, I’m really passionate about teaching, and can’t wait have a classroom of my own.

08. what’s one place you would love to visit ??

My favorite city in the world is New York City, but I really want to visit Germany.

09. what’s your favorite tv show ??

Oh goodness... I’ve seen and loved way too many. If we’re talking ultimates though, I’m going to have to say Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

10. what’s your favorite movie ??

Remember the Titans. I am a sucker for sports films. I literally cry the whole time because they are just that moving.

11. what’s your favorite song ?

I don’t really have a favorite. I go through stages of listening to songs on repeat over and over again and then not revisiting them until some time later. Right now that includes “Don’t Throw it Away” by the Jonas Brothers and “Church” by Aly and Aj.

12. what’s your favorite sport ??

Baseball! I am a huge fan of the Cleveland Indians, though I’ve recently started stanning women’s soccer. How about that Christen Press though?

13. what’s your favorite food ??

Italian. I’m garbage for pizza and pasta.

14. what’s your favorite face claim to use ??

Hmmm. A few months ago I would have said Eliza Taylor without a doubt, but I’ve really taken to playing with Tasya Teles and Daniel Sharman as well.

15. what’s your least favorite face claim ??

I get very uncomfortable when people roleplay with child actors and/or children in general.

16. what’s your favorite character of yours to play ?? which do you think you’re most like ??

I have been with Rory for several years now, so I definitely feel like I know her the best. She’s very near and dear to my heart, so she’s probably my favorite. I love all my kids though. They’re all so different, and they provide me with such a unique perspective!

I don’t know if I’m really like any of my muses. If I had to pick one, I’d say Matt because I too cannot speak around girls. Haha I don’t have him anymore though, so maybe Ashton or Jonas.

17. what’s your sexuality ??

I’m a lesbian because women 😍

18. what’s the last movie you saw in a cinema/theater ??

Ugh. I feel so set up by this question! I took my niece and nephew to see The Secret Life of Pets 2 today, and it was pretty cute.

19. what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had ??

The summer before 7th grade, I broke my leg and shattered my growth plate sliding into home plate. I was safe though, and we won the game! Too bad my pain tolerance levels are like zero, and it was the worst pain I’d ever felt. #embarrassing

20. what’s a random or interesting fact about you ??

This is the question I struggled with the most. I’m boring, y’all... I have a baby brain tumor that I call a ‘brain buddy’ because he’s not really doing anything up there but chillin’. Also, I once wrote a feature length Power Rangers Film when I was 12. I still have it!

21. do you listen to music while you write ??

Sometimes! If I do, it has to be very mellow because I get distracted very easily. If there is a song that really fits the moment or inspired me to write the moment, I’ll listen to it on repeat to keep the vibe. Otherwise, I’ll listen to instrumentals or Sleeping At Last’s album titled “Atlas.”

22. are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer ??

It all depends on when I have time. I honestly get my best writing done on pen and paper while I’m at work with fewer distractions, but a lot of times, I get inspired at night. I also did a lot of writing while substitute teaching, so it all just depends on if the situation allows for it and how focused I can get myself.

23. have you ever roleplayed intoxicated ??

Yes, it’s embarrassing. Don’t do it!

24. what language or languages do you speak ??

I only speak English fluently, but I can read French decently well.

25. how long have you roleplayed ??

I started role playing way back in the days of message forums and MSN chat. It was power rangers, and I was 14 so... 16 years. Damn.

26. favorite roleplay genre ??

Honestly, genre isn’t important to me. Give me a story worth telling, and I’m in. I just need plot. Everything else will fall into place.

27. one sound you hate & one you love ??

I fucking hate the sound of metal against metal or metal against teeth. Anything that gets that loud screeching noise is a big no from me.

I love the sound of heavy rain and thunder storms.

28. do you believe in ghosts ??

I’m fairly certain that no less than three of my former houses have been haunted, so yes. Yes, I do.

29. do you believe in aliens ??

Sure, why not? I find it harder to believe that the galaxy exists with only us.

30. do you believe in true love ??

Yes, I do. I believe in reincarnation, and soulmates, and finding each other in each and every universe. It might not be forever, because bad things happen, but it is a constant.

31. do you hold grudges ??

Not really. I get all hopped up about something for like 10 minutes and then forget about it. No use staying angry over something you can’t change.

32. do you have any obsessions right now ??

I’m forever obsessed with Harry Potter, but I’d say I have a few other currents. The 1OO, Women’s Soccer, Cleveland Indians Baseball, and Resident Evil are the ones that come to mind.

33. do you drive & if so, have you ever been in a crash ??

Double yes. I ran over my fence post backing out of my drive a few years back, and I’ve fallen victim to the icy Ohioan roads a few times. I also side swiped a truck merging into a lane and also pulling into a parking spot, but listen... I’m not that bad of a driver! Not-So-Fun Fact: All three of the weather induced accidents occurred on February 11th—a day before my birthday. 🙃 These also all occurred before I was 25... minus the bad park job.

34. do you like the smell of gasoline ??

That’s a no. (Dani, that’s gross!)

35. do you prefer writing fluff, angst, or smut ??

Honestly, I love it all. Not a huge smut writer, just because it feels a little too personal with the person you’re writing with, but I’m not opposed to it as long as everyone is over 18 and comfortable writing it. Angst and fluff get me hook, line, and sinker though. I live for it!

36. are you in a relationship ??

I WISH.

37. grab the nearest book to you and turn to page 23, what is the 17the line ??

“I have buried one friend to-day,” he thought: “what if this should cost me another?” —The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson.

38. put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs that pop up:

“Let’s Get Married” by Bleachers, “There for You” by Martin Garrix & Troye Sivan, “Star Maps” by Aly & Aj, and “Maps” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

#pandemonium: task #task02.5 #// i was also going to do replies but i have a massive migraine as well :(

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wildfangz · 5 years

Photo

@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want.

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’. i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust.

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway!

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

#tag meme #about #srry if theres any weird grammar or spelling going on half of this was written when i had a monster headache #and was doing everything but laying down!!!!

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