#loki shows up and says something & all the americans on the team just have this urge to dump tea in the boston harbor

[lokigodofaces]

The reason the Avengers were able to defeat Loki is because Loki sounds British and there are enough Americans on the Avengers. The spirit of the Revolution possessed the Americans. There was no tea to throw in the Boston Harbor, but there was a suspiciously British sounding alien with an army. Impossible odds? That was also the case in 1776, that didn't stop anyone.

#idk why but this is really funny to me #loki shows up and says something & all the americans on the team just have this urge to dump tea in the boston harbor #but defeating loki might satisfy that urge #listen let me tell you i've lived in america all my life & we've got a wide array of political beliefs. no one gets along politically. it's #a disaster. but every jul 4 we have a day where many of us feel much more unified all bc of our shared aggression towards the redcoats #on jul 5 everything goes back to normal #if there are any brits reading this no offense this is meant entirely jokingly it's not 1812 anymore so we can be friends #jk jk we couldve been friends in 1812 too just not with parliament & the king & the military #but i mean thats how you feel about america currently but with congress & the pres & our military so i mean we're even i guess #& we can all enjoy this ridiculous sh*tpost together #the avengers (2012) #loki laufeyson #ok but if thor & loki's colors were switched this would be even funnier #then we could call him a redcoat

[blackstarising]

coming back to this post i made again to elaborate - especially as the ted lasso fandom is discussing sam/rebecca and fandom racism in general. there are takes that are important to make that i had failed to previously, but there's also a growing amount of takes that i have to, As A Black Person™, respectfully disagree with.

tl;dr for the essay below sam being infantilized and the sam/rebecca relationship are not the same issue and discussing the former one doesn't mean excusing the latter. and we've reached the glen of the Dark Forest where we sit down and talk about fandom racism.

i should have elaborated this in my last post about sam/rebecca, but i didn't. i'll say it now - i personally don't support sam and rebecca getting together for real. i believe what people are saying is entirely correct, even though sam is an adult legally, he and rebecca are, at the very least, two wildly different stages of life. for americans, he's at the equivalent of being a junior in college. there are things he hasn't gotten the chance to experience and there are areas he needs to grow in. when i was younger, i didn't understand the significance of these age gaps, i just thought it would be fine if it was legal, but as someone who is now a little older than sam in universe, i understand fully. we can't downplay this. whether or not you think sam works for rebecca or not, even despite the gender inversion of the Older Man Younger Woman trope, whether or not he is a legal adult, i don't think at this point in time, their relationship would work. i think it's an interesting narrative device, but i don't want to see it play out in reality.

that being said!

what's worrying me is that two discussions are being conflated here that shouldn't be. sam having agency and being a little more grown™ than he's perceived to be does not suddenly make his relationship with rebecca justified. i had decided to bring it up because sam was being brought into the spotlight again and i was starting to realizing that his infantilization was more common than i felt comfortable with.

sam's infantilization (and i will continue to call it that), is a microaggression. it's is in the range of microaggressions that i would categorize as 'fandom overcompensation'. we have a prominent character of color that exhibits traits that aren't stereotypical, and we don't want to appear racist or stereotypical, so we lean hard in the other direction. they're not aggressive, they're a Sweet Baby, they're not world weary, they're now a little naive. they're not cold and distant, they're so nice and sweet that there's no one that wouldn't want approach them, and yeah, on their face, these new traits are a departure and, on their face, they seem they look really good.

but at a certain point, it reaches an inflection point, and, like the aftertaste of a diet coke, that alleged sweetness veers into something a lot less sweet. it veers into a lack of agency for the character. it veers into an innocence that appears to indicate that the person can't even take care of themselves. it veers into a one-dimensional characterization that doesn't allow for any depth or negative emotion.

it's not kind anymore. it's not a nice departure from negative stereotypes. it's not compensating for anything.

it's patronizing.

it is important that we emphasize that characters of color are more than the toxic stereotypes we lay on them, yes, but we make a mistake in thinking that the solution is overcorrection. for one thing, people of color can usually tell. don't get it twisted, it's actually pretty obvious. for another, it just shifts from one dimension to another. people of color are still supposed to be Only One Character Trait while white people can contain multitudes. ted, who is pretty much as pollyanna as they come, can be at once innocent and naive and deep and troubled and funny and scared. jamie can be a prick and sexy and also lonely and also a victim of abuse. sam, however, even though he was bullied (by jamie, no less), is thousands of miles away from home, and has led a protest on his team, is usually just characterized as human sunshine with much less acknowledgement of any other traits beyond that.

and that's why i cringe when fandom calls sam a Sweet Baby Boy without any sense of irony. is that all we're taking away? after all this time? even for a comedy, sam has received a substantive of screen time over two whole seasons, and we've seen a range of emotions from him. so as a black person it's hurtful that it's boiled down to Sweet Baby Boy.

that's the problem. we need to subvert stereotypes, but more importantly, we need to understand that people of color are not props, or pieces of cardboard for their white counterparts. they are full and actualized and have agency in their own right and they can have other emotions than Angry and Mean or Sweet and Bubbly without any nuance between the two. i think the show actually does a relatively good job of giving sam depth (relatively, always room for improvement, mind you), especially holding it in tension with his youth, but the fandom, i worry, does not.

it's the same reason why finn from star wars started out as the next male protagonist in the sequel trilogy but by the third movie was just running around yelling for REY!! it's the same reason why when people make Phase 4 Is the Phase For Therapy gifsets for the mcu and show wanda maximoff, loki, and bucky barnes crying and being sad but purposefully exclude sam wilson who had an entire show to tell us how difficult his life is, because people find out if pee oh sees are also complex, they'll tell the church.

and the reason why i picked up on this very early on is because i am an organic, certified fresh, 100% homegrown, non-gmo, a little ashy, indigenous sub saharan African black person. the ghanaian tribes i'm descended from have told me so, my black ass parents have told me so, and the nurses at the hospital in [insert asian country here] that started freaking out about how curly my hair was as my mother was mid pushing me out told me so!

and this stuff has real life implications. listen: being patronized as a black person sucks. do you know how many times i was patted on the back for doing quite honestly, the bare minimum in school? do you know how many times i was told how 'well spoken' or 'eloquent' i was because i just happen to have a white accent or use three syllable words? do you know how many times i've been cooed over by white women who couldn't get over how sweet i was just because i wasn't confrontational or rude like they wrongly expected me to be?

that's why they're called microaggressions. it's not a cross on your lawn or having the n-word spat in your face, but it cuts you down little by little until you're completely drained.

so that's the nuance. that's the subversion. the overcompensation is not a good thing. and people of color (and i suspect, even white people) have picked up on, in general, the different ways fandom treats sam and dani and even nate. what all of these discussions are converging on is fandom racism, which is not the diet form of racism, but another place for racism to reveal itself. and yeah, it's uncomfortable. it can seem out of left field. you may want to defend yourself. you may want to explain it away. but let me tap the sign on the proverbial bus:

if you are a white person, or a person of color who is not part of that racial group, even, you do not get to decide what is not racist for someone. full stop. there are no exceptions. there is no exit clause for you. there is no 'but, actually-'. that right wasn't even yours to cede or waive.

(it's also important to note that people of color also have the right to disagree on whether something is racist, but that doesn't necessarily negate the racism - it just means there's more to discuss and they can still leave with different interpretations)

people don't just whip out accusations of racism like a blue eyes white dragon in a yu-gi-oh duel. it's not fun for us. it's not something we like to do to muzzle people we don't want to engage with. and we're not concerned with making someone feel bad or ashamed. we're exposing something painful that we have to live with and, even worse, process literally everything we experience through. we can't turn it off. we can't be 'less sensitive' or 'less nitpicky'. we are literally the primary resources, we are the proverbial wikipedia articles with 3,000 sources when it comes to racism. who else would know more than us?

what 2020 has shown us very clearly is that racism is systemic. it's not always a bunch of Evil White Men rubbing their hands together in a dark room wondering how they're going to use the 'n-word' today. it's systemic. it's the way you call that one neighborhood 'sketchy'. it's how you use 'ratchet' and 'ghetto' when describing something bad. it's how you implicitly the assume the intelligence of your friend of color. it's the way you turned up your nose and your friend's food and bullied them for it in middle school but go to restaurants run by white people who have 'uplifted' it with inauthentic ingredients. it's telling someone how Well Spoken and Eloquent they are even though you've both gone to the same schools and work at the same workplace. it's the way you look down at some people of color for having a different body type than you because they've been redlined to neighborhoods where certain foods and resources are inaccessible, and yet mock up the racial features that appeal to you either through makeup or plastic surgery.

it's how when a person of color behaves badly, they're irredeemable, but a white person performing the same act or something similar is 'having a bad day' or 'isn't normally like this' or 'has room to grow' and we can't 'wait for their redemption arc', and yes, i'm not going to cover it in detail in this post but yes this is very much about nate. other people have also brought up the nuances in his arc and compared them to other white characters so i won't do it here.

these behaviors and reactions aren't planned. they aren't orchestrated. they're quite literally unconscious because they've been lovingly baked into western society for centuries. you can't wake up and be rid of it. whether you intended it or not, it can still be racist.

and it's actually quite hurtful and unfair to imply that concerns about racism in the TL fandom are unfounded or lacking any depth or simply meant to be sensational because you simply don't agree with it. i wish it was different, but it doesn't work that way. i'm not raising this up to 'call out' or shame people, but i'm adding to this discussion because, through how we talk about sam, and even dani and nate, i'm yet again seeing a pattern that has shortchanged people of color and made them feel unwelcome in fandom for far too long.

coach beard said it best: we need to do better.

#ted lasso #sam obisanya #ted lasso spoilers #fandom racism

[hotchscvm]

thank u, next (ft. loki) - part two

Warnings: angst, swearing, jealousy, mentions of sex, violence

Word count: 5.7k

Summary: A mission goes wrong, leaving you stranded with the two men who despise each other, competing for your attention.

Or: In which Steve breaks up with Sharon after realizing how much he loves you, only to be put on hold while you spend time with Loki.

Tony kept glancing at you, his eyes narrowing as if he was trying to figure out what kind of mind manipulation Loki had hexed you with. Natasha was torn between proud and shock. Clint had been positive it was a prank on his behalf until he had learned it was true, the archer studying you, wondering if you were under Loki's influence. And Bruce—well, he still couldn't get over the shock to actually word his opinion.

Steve, on the other hand, wasted no time blaming Loki, accusing him of using his magic to manipulate you into bed. When Thor has came back with news that Loki hadn't—with Heimdell being all knowing and watching—it had made Steve go to Fury, who had shown emotion on his face other than boredom and disappointment. Yet the surprise wore off and the director found it not relevant as the issue had not broken one of the rules Loki had agreed to.

The super soldier had hit the gym in a hurry, pounding the sandbag, probably wishing it was Loki. And Thor, like everyone else, it took him time to process it but unlike everyone, he barely gave it a thought. With word from Heimdell, knowing that his brother wasn't planning anything to harm you or the others, he was at peace with the situation as long as it was two consenting adults.

As you sat in the conference room, waiting for Steve and Loki to show up for the meeting, you wondered why he thought it was okay to overreact to something so...normal. People have sex, he must've known that you weren't any different. And unfortunately, Fury has picked the same day to spring a mission on the team, forcing all of you into a room, not caring about the act you committed with Loki.

Loki came in first, dressed in his usual black color, a suit almost identical to the one he wore the day before. Even from across the room, you could easily spot the hickeys he kept, a bunch peeking out from under the suit. It had given you a sense of pride and embarrassment, going down on the God of Mischief.

He caught your eye, the corner of his lips turned up, twitching without their permission. Loki wouldn't admit it out loud but he liked you to the point of sacrificing everyone in the room to save the one decent person who hadn't judge him. Everyone had turned to look at him, following his every move whilst he moved to the empty seat besides you.

The one that everyone knew was Steve's. Yet, no one said a word, secretly enjoying the show.

"Greetings," he said curtly, nodding once to everyone with an expressionless face. They all nodded back to him, Tony covering the smile that was trying to force itself on his face. Loki turned to you, sitting down in Steve seat as he gave you a smirk, amused by your attempt to cover up his marks. "Hello, angel."

The nickname alone wanted to make you want to ditch the meeting for a dick appointment with the Asgardian, the name slipping from his tongue. The same name he had whispered into you ear as he thrusted into you. Instead, you gave him a small smile, unconsciously rubbing your thighs together. "Hey."

Loki noticed the motion, his smirk widening. Pulling the chair closer to your own, his arm leaning up against yours. Leaning in, he put his lips to your ears, ignoring everyone's stares, including his brother's. "Your attempt to cover my hard work is very amusing, love."

"Loki..." you warned, using the same tone you had last night when he teased you too far, wishing for release. There was a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. "Shut up, not everyone has magic."

"All you have to do is ask, although I prefer to see them on your skin." Loki whispered, not caring how many people team members had subconsciously leaned in, straining to hear what the raven-haired God had to say.

Before you could answer, the door opened, Steve and Fury entering. The super soldier had an exhausted look on his face while Fury kept his emotionless facade up. Steve started walking towards his seat, so distracted by the uncovered hickeys on your neck to notice it had been taken. The blond did a double take, seeing Loki in his chair. If it wasn't for the barely contained anger in his eyes, you would've bursted out laughing at his comical expression.

The team stayed quiet, their eyes glued on the silent war between the two men. Loki nonchalantly looked up, his lips brushing against your hair as he pulled away, smirking at Steve. The silence was broken by Fury's tired sigh.

"Well, hello, Captain." Loki sneered, not having any intention of getting up. Steve's eyes stormed with anger, a tick away from letting loose. The God of Mischief pointed to the chair across from you, the one next to Tony, giving the super soldier a pointed look. "You should take your seat."

Tony muffled a snort at Steve's scowl, yet America's Sweetheart didn't move a muscle, glaring at Loki. Fury rolled his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Rogers, take a seat next to Stark. Loki, stop being an asshole. Back to business."

Steve followed Fury's order, sitting down besides Tony, his angry expression turning blank, waiting for whatever Fury had to say. Yet, his eyes still looked murderous, often glancing at the lack of space between you and Loki. Tony didn't hide his amusement, biting back a laugh, and trying to focus on whatever Fury was saying while the rest of the team kept looking at Steve, expecting him to reach across the table and punch Loki back to Asgard.

"While you agents were partying, drinking all your problems away, SHIELD got a tip from an undercover agent." Fury started, sliding your folders across the table, giving you something to look at other than the tension between Steve and Loki. You opened the folder to find pictures of blood-covered bodies. "Normally, we wouldn't bring the Avengers into a mafia-related crimes but this one's different.

"The Chinese Mafia is after a USB flash drive, one that we suspect, contains secrets that could bring down the American government. Emphasis on could; SHIELD isn't that well informed on what exactly the flash drive holds." Fury continued. Looking at you, he called your name. "Along with Rogers and Laufeyson. I'm assigning the three of you on the mission. You'll get the mission details as soon as Agent Hill gets here. The rest of you are irrelevant. Everyone go away now."

He left the room before anyone could even move a muscle. The team glanced between Loki and Steve, trying to figure out what they felt. It was clear neither of them were too happy about going on a mission together but the photographs of dead bodies made them bury their resentment down, for the sake of the government and all, but mostly for your sake.

Tony cleared his throat, trying not to burst out laughing. "So, Cap—"

Steve called out your name, standing up from his seat. "Can I talk to you for a minute? Alone? It's urgent."

"Yeah, sure." you said, following him out the door without looking back at the rest. You didn't notice the way Loki oozed with madness, his eyes deadly. Steve led you away from the view of room, stopping in the middle of a private hallway. It was secluded enough, yet Steve kept fidgeting like someone was listening. "Steve, I know you aren't particularly fond of Loki but he's a good—"

"I broke up with Sharon." Steve blurted. You stopped talking, your mouth open from your earlier words. The blond ran a hand through his hair. "I broke up with her last night, just before the party started ... before you walked in with Loki."

"That's not what it looked like."

"I was trying to be her friend, just like I'm trying to be yours." Steve explained, almost begging. "I never got the chance to apologize for hurting you. When you came back from Asgard, it had been too long for me to even mention it without it being awkward. So, I didn't. I wanted to but you didn't want to spend time with me anymore. And that's my fault, I'm not blaming you for being hurt. I understand what I did was so selfish, and wrong. It was wrong and if I could go back in time, I would've never done it."

You closed your gaping mouth, a little surprised by the apology. Rocking back on your heels, you awkwardly looked everywhere but at him. "Okay, um, thanks?"

Dejected, Steve nodded, his head hanging from the lack of sympathy in your voice. "Yeah. I wanted you to know. That's what I was coming to tell you this morning, but instead found you in bed with .... him."

"Uh," it was all you could say. Clueless of how to respond, you started to back away slowly, like there was a bear coming towards you. "Okay. So ... I'm gonna go. Get prepared for the mission or whatever. I'll see you later."

Before he could utter another word, you walked away,  feeling completely numb by the news. There was a part of you that wanted to forgive him, another part was feeling satisfied for his pain, and the last was confused. If he had been telling the truth—breaking up with Sharon before the party—then why hadn't he told you or apologized when he came to talk to you? It made you question whether he was just jealous or genuinely sorry for hurting you.

You weren't ready to forgive him yet, not after he made you doubt your self worth. Thor had made you feel better when you had came to him, showering you with golden gifts, shoes, and brotherly love. Despite popular belief, Loki wasn't that much different than his brother. Yes, he wasn't a people person, but he was gruffer, rougher, meaner...sexier. He knew what it was like to feel unwanted, feeling the need to show how powerful he was. If you had been in his situation—and you practically almost were if it hadn't been for Natasha—you would've taken the same road he had.

Speak of the devil, you bumped right into him, his chest only covered by a black silk sweater. With all the heavy thinking you hadn't realized you had walked back to your room. Gathering your thoughts, you looked up at his blue eyes. "Shit, sorry."

"Are you well, angel?" Loki asked, genuinely concerned. He had heard every word Steve had said, and to Loki's dismay, they had all been true. Loki hated Steve as much as Steve hated him, Steve had a reason and so did the God of Lies. The main reason? You.

You nodded, seeing how your room was messy. Books and blankets were on the ground, a broken glass scattered on the floor near your bedside table, a lamp covered in feathers, and last night's clothes strewn around the room. "I'm fine. But my room isn't, holy fuck."

With a wave of his hand, Loki cleared the room, the disastrous mess cleaned up before your eyes. He gave you a smile. "There. Director Cyclops wanted me to inform you and Sleeping Beauty that Maria Hill is in the building. She's ready if we are."

"Great. One thing before we step out this room: be nice."

"I'll try."

—

The mission was far easier than you originally thought. It was less than 24 hours, meaning you wouldn't be trapped in a designated safe house with them, or would you be in any kind of trouble. Just like Fury had said, it was an extract mission. Get the flash drive, get out.

Unfortunately, we'd be forced to go to a gala, one of those unnecessarily fancy parties where the champagne was watered down and the men showed how powerful they were with girls clinging onto their arm. It was a pre-kidnapped Tony Stark kind of party. Thankfully, you had more than a few practice with walking in heels.

The two men were able to put their hatred aside to focus on the job, Loki's magic still restrained even with the urgency of the mission. Maria Hill had filled you in, giving you all the details, the layout of the building, and all the places they suspected the drive to be. The plan was to fly to Hong Kong, get dressed for the party in the Quinjet, attend the gala long enough to find Zhang Wei, and run with the USB flash drive. Simple enough.

The flight from New York to Hong Kong was tiring, even with the eight hour slumber you had, finding yourself in Loki's arms once again. Fortunately, Steve hadn't seen you with Thor's brother, knocking this time and finding you alone, reading the mission file for the millionth time. He had smiled, probably happy he didn't see Loki in your room. That smile didn't last, dropping as soon as he stepped in the Quinjet, greeted Loki and saw the quick smile you sent the raven-haired God. It tugged on his heartstrings; you used to smile at him like that.

At least they kept their snide comments to themselves, only sending the other a glare when you weren't looking. As soon as you looked up, a slightly perplexed expression would come on their face, like they were trying to think of a word that rhymes with orange. Yet, you didn't dare question it, leaving the topic alone and quietly stewing in the testosterone-filled aircraft.

When the Quinjet finally reached Hong Kong, you had already changed into your formal wear. Loki didn't have to move to change his clothes; instead he used his magic, making him look presentable in a blink of an eye. Steve had frowned on that, but decided to let it go considering he had a lot to make up to you. Getting into a fight with your ... whatever Loki was, would not be a great start.

Getting ready for the party had been easy, the dress fit you just right, your hair being in the mood to cooperate, and even your makeup was flawless. The reaction from Steve and Loki certainly didn't help your ego, their comical reactions to your beauty had been amusing and slightly embarrassing.

Steve's mouth has hung open, his jaw unwilling to close while he stared at you. "Wow. Y-you look gorgeous. Wow."

"Truly breathtaking, love." Loki added, licking his lips in appreciation. If there was one thing both he and Steve could agree on, was the way you always turned heads. If anything, Loki wanted to make you his goddess—he just didn't want to admit it to himself just yet.

And since you were too emotionally invested, you took the easy way out and rolled your eyes. Dressed in their tuxes, they looked like they stepped out of a Hugo Boss ad. "Thanks. You guys clean up well."

Steve was too busy admiring you to notice Loki pull out a diamond encrusted ring, not exactly a engagement ring from Jared but one of those rings you get with friends during a drunken girl's night out. Loki stepped up to you, bringing your right hand, placing the ring on your index finger.

"The ring ... goes well with your dress." Loki explained, watching you stare at the ring he had placed. Steve's wonderment has turned sour, a little sad by the gesture. "It was my mother's."

"Loki," you gasped softly, knowing the how special their relationship had been. Thor had explained how Loki spent most his childhood with Frigga, spending his time learning magic, being a mama's boy. With Frigga dead, Loki must've felt some resentment to those dark elves that had been responsible for her death. "I can't— I can't take this."

Loki shrugged, brushing away a stray hair on your cheek. "Yes, you can. You will. It looks beautiful on you. Don't you agree, Captain?"

To be completely honest, Loki had forgotten Steve had existed until his heart faltered at the mention of Frigga. Steve didn't like the way the ring looked like it belonged on you, almost like it had been made specially for you. He nodded, agreeing with Loki once again. "Looks beautiful."

Before it could get any more awkward or embarrassing, an alarm had sounded, the noise saying you from any further feels. All three of you moved to the front, seeing how you hovered a few feet off the landing spot assigned for the Quinjet. With the many SHIELD headquarters, it wasn't a surprise they had in Tokyo just as modernly technical like the one in New York.

The limo ride that took you to the party was tense. Maybe it was the mission that was about to go down, or that awkward moment in the Quinjet. The navy blue, floor-length dress was silky, the fabric soft against your skin. The one-inch straps that came together at the back of your neck accentuated your cleavage, brining them to look bigger than they were. It clung to your curves, but not tight like the dress you had worn the yesterday. This one was far more elegant.

Wrapped in your thoughts, you hadn't noticed when the limo had stopped, the crowded building to your right. The doors opened, both Steve and Loki reaching out a hand to help you out of the limo. Taking them both, you snaked an arm around both of theirs, letting others know you had two dates. You thought the red carpet leading to the entrance was a bit much, even for the Chinese mafia.

Two suited men opened the double glass doors, revealing the fancy gala. Dangerous men and mafia families filled the large room, eyes flickering to your entrance, widening when they realized who had entered. They knew your dates, but SHIELD had made sure to keep your place on the team a secret for missions like this one. No criminal would trust an Avenger, but they might be dumb—or arrogant—enough to be manipulated by a "mole" in SHIELD.

The talking stopped briefly, only to turn to hushed murmurs before they continued as they had before. Both Steve and Loki turned down the campaign, not trusting whatever was put in the liquid. Looking around the room, there was nothing out of the ordinary, well, for a party held by a mafia of course.

"Should we proceed as planned?" Loki confirmed, surveying the room as he tried to find his own target. He locked eyes with the man he needed to distract while Steve and you would sneak away and find Zhang Wei and the flash drive.

Steve nodded, slyly touching his earpiece hidden by his growing hair. You had no idea how Tony convinced him how to grow it out but you were going to thank him later. "Yes. Keep in contact and check in every ten minutes. Be careful."

Loki nodded, heading off to his target but not before giving you a reassuring smile, tiny enough for no one else to notice but it was enough to ease your worries. Yes, he's an all-powerful god but that didn't mean he couldn't die.

Turning to Steve, you smiled at him, almost naughtily. Eyes twinkling with evilness, you hold out your free hand, challenging him with your eyebrows. "Would you like to dance, Stevie?"

You've never seen so much fear in someone's eyes come in such a short time. Steve's contained so much fear you were worried he was going to combust. "Um, I d-don't really know how."

"Why, that's a shame, Captain." a man behind you said. Turning around, you found yourself only a foot away from the mafia leader himself, Zhang Wei. Steve's jaw clenched at the unprepared confrontation. Zhang turned to you, holding his unnaturally thin hand out. You could see the bones through the thin skin, shivering at the sight. "Would you like to dance, darling?"

Taking the opportunity, you nodded, taking his hand, hoping Steve would get the hint to not look so stiff. "I would love to."

Zhang took you to the almost empty dance floor, the music starting as soon as his foot hit the designated area. Smiling maliciously, he tugged on your waist, pulling you close for a proper dance. "You look beautiful, my dear. I'm certain your date is jealous I stole you away."

"He doesn't mind." you answered, returning the smile. Glancing at Steve, you saw him glaring at the back of Zhang's head, burning a hole. "Steve is rather hesitant when it comes to dancing, so, I'm sure he doesn't mind you helping a lady out."

The mafia leader's smiled widened. His eyes briefly landed on Loki, narrowing slightly at the way he interacted with his second in command. You took the brief amount of time to inspect him, noticing how much thinner he looked. With eye bags under his eyes, bones peeking through his hands, and the way his footsteps faltered ever so slightly made you realize he isn't going to be hard to take down. He may be the big bad criminal but from the looks of it, he was dying.

Zhang Wei nodded. "You look familiar. Have I seen you before?"

"I'm an escort. You may or may not have seen me on a bunch of powerful men's arms." you lied, flashing him your most charming smile. Zhang raised an eyebrow, gesturing towards Steve with a tilt of his head. "Steve's the same, poor baby was too shy to ask anyone to be his date."

"Didn't think Captain America would have such a hard time finding a date." Zhang mumbled aloud. He kept the false smile on his face. "If the time came, would you tell me your name, in case I can't find myself a date?"

"Tatia Sinclair." you lied, twirling in his arms.

The mafia leader nodded. The dance floor had filled up, nearly overcrowding. It took you a second to find Steve with all the bodies in the way. Zhang cleared his throat. "What a lovely name. Tatia, darling, would you accompany me to my study? I have to fetch something special of mine and would like you pleasant company."

Steve snarled your name through the earpiece, Loki's growl following along. Again, the super soldier and the god agreed. Steve murmured your name. "Don't."

Ignoring his order—and unnecessary concern—you grinned, taking Zhang outstretched arm. "I would love to."

He led you to the elegant stairs while you discreetly turned off your earpiece, no longer wanting to hear Steve's overprotective ass grumbling about sticking to the plan. If he had checked his folder, he would've seen you were sticking to the plan, just not the way he wanted.

The walk to his office was a slow one, considering how sick the mafia leader was, you weren't surprised when he was out of breath just from climbing the stairs. You didn't comment, instead helping him out and pointing out random things a dumb escort would say. Your personal plan was to make this guy underestimate you, and with the way he was looking at you, he was convinced you were just a body with no brains.

He opened the door to his mahogany office, the room was just as elegant as the party below, oozing power and money. Zhang went to his desk, opening his cabinet. From where he left you, you couldn't see what considering how he held it in his hand without opening his palm. A knock at the door stopped you from asking.

Surprisingly his right hand man came in, the one Loki was supposed to be distracting, at least long enough for us to figure out where the flash drive was. And guessing from the amount of evidence, you were guessing the flash drive was in the mafia leader's hand. He glanced at you, tilting his head at Zhang before speaking.

They talked in Chinese--surprise, surprise--a bit fast for you to fully decipher but the gist of the conversation had been finding a safe, more guarded location for the drive considering both Steve Rogers and Loki Laufeyson were in the building, just a floor below them. The two men paid you no attention as you tried to look clueless, bored, and in all, dumb. In their eyes, you were just checking out the room when actually you had been trying to find more dirt. If it wasn't the drive in his hand, it had to be close by.

"Tatia." Zhang called out, using the fake name you had given him. You turned around, a little glass globe in your hand. You raised an eyebrow, twirling the little sphere. "Would you excuse me? I have some rather pressing issues that need to be dealt with."

And once again, the door opened before you could answer the question. This time, at the door stood Steve and Loki, a man laying on the floor between the two. From the way both their suits were a little ruffled, they had enough waiting and decided to take action. A few appeared out of knowhere, tacking the two but you were left alone to deal with the men in the room. Zhang reached under his desk, where you had discreetly took the hidden gun while they had been talking.

Zhang's second in command quickly pointed his loaded gun at you, and you at him, your eyes reflecting the same emotion: hate. The man spoke to Zhang, keeping his gun steady while Zhang tried to get away. Even for a dying man, he moved fast, leaving you the choice of shooting his second in command in the knee. He cried out, firing his gun out of anguish but you were faster, quickly following Zhang, leaving a big group of men to fight Loki and Steve. They would be able to handle it.

Running in heels was always an annoyance to you, considering how unnecessary they were on missions. They looked hot but the fact that you were forced to wear them was a little sexist. You'd have to talk with Fury about that.

The halls were lit up with chanderliers dangling from the ceiling, all of them shining brightly. For someone who had been limping out of the room, he had been fast, or was hiding but the fact was that you lost him. You could still hear the grunts from where Loki and Steve were punching the fuck out of those mafia men.

You slowed, looking at the painting-decorated walls in search of some kind of secret door, maybe a fake wall. It sounded ridiculous but at the compound, Tony had a bunch of hiding spots, a few you knew and others you didn't. It was infuriating.

The hallway must've lasted forever, and you were convinced he had vanished into thin air. Then you spotted a cracked door, it was enough to be left opened on accident, but that didn't mean it was. With caution, you walked slowly, holding your gun in front of you. With your foot, you cracked the door open, entering a room of complete darkness. From what you could tell, there were no windows, and most likely a fake safe room.

Still, you flipped the light switch on, the room lighting up with it's obnoxiously bright white paint reflecting even brighter with the light. Scanning the room, you noticed how it smelled slightly sweet, the sweetness making you slightly dizzy. You shook your head, trying to find something wrong, like a hidden wall, or maybe another escape route from inside the room.

It didn't take long for you to realize the sweet scent was toxic, the side effect making you dizzier, the room spinning under your feet. As soon as you grasped the wall for support, Zhang came from the wall beside you, the little door opening to reveal the mafia leader holding his own gun, the flash drive in his hand as he taunted you with it.

He laughed at your weakened state, aiming his gun at your heart. It triggered your fight or flight and even with the side effect, you decided to fight. He was weaker than you, slower, his aged brain not processing you running at him. His gun dropped on the ground, along with the USB drive as your hand wrapped around his neck, pushing him against the wall with all your remaining strength.

Zhang had to been immune to the fast-acting toxin while you crumbled, unable to hold your body with the dizziness and fatigue bringing you down. Taking the upper hand, he knocked you over, his fist colliding with your jaw. You grunted, pouncing for the gun and flash drive, hiding the latter in your bra while the mafia leader shook his hand in pain.

Just as you had wrapped your fingers around the barrel of the gun, you heard the gunshot, and felt it hit your shoulder. Your hand was useless, your body way too weak from the toxins to defend yourself against the man, at this point just hoping they would find the flash drive in your bra when they autopsied you.

Another bullet was fired, and this one right on your arm, the pain numb. Maybe this was the way you were going to die, but at least it wasn't painful. That was the best you could've hoped for. And then another bullet was fired, but you didn't feel it, the fire inside you too hot for you to even register the pain. You laid on the ground, eyes drifting close. Zhang dropped dead a couple of feet next to you, his head bleeding out.

Your vision had already blackened when you felt Steve knelt down to you, pulling you into his arms. You were unconscious by the the time you figured out Steve had killed.

—

You woke up to the sound of the irritating beat of your heart of the monitor, and heavy breathing. Despite the very difficult task, you opened your eyes, instantly regretting it when you were met with a blinding light. Thankfully, it went away, revealing where you were in the Medbay, laying on the stiff bed with needles pierced into your skin.

Steve got up from his seat beside you, instantly hovering over you with a worried look on his face. If you hadn't felt like shit, you would've thought his face was permanently like that. "Hey, hey. Are you okay? How do you feel?"

"Am I in hell?"

He let out a strained chuckle, taking your hand with the both of his. His furrowed eyebrows remained furrowed, his forehead filled with crinkles. "Sweetheart? How do you feel? Are you in pain? Do you need anything?"

"Holy fuck, you're spitting in my face. Steve, I feel like shit but I promise I'm fine. Come on, don't you don't have to worry so much." you replied, wishing you could do something other than lie in pain.

"You're fine? I watched you get shot, held you in my arms while you bled out in front of me. If it wasn't for Loki, you'd be dead. Don't you understand how not fine that is? What the hell were you thinking?" Steve raged, letting go of your hand to pace around the room. Judging from the lack of sunlight coming from the windows, it was nighttime, the whole compound barely lit.

"Did you find the drive? I had it—"

"Are you actually worrying about the flash drive when you almost died? Do you not care whether or not you live?" Steve blurted, throwing his hands up in the air, clearly frustrated with how the conversation was going.

"Where's Loki?" you whispered, your eyes slowly closing. You fought to keep them open, hoping for an answer and wishing you could postpone this argument with Steve until morning when you finally could argue back.

Steve calmed down, appreciating the God of Mischief a lot more when he saved your life. "He's filling out Fury on the whole situation. And we found the flash drive, which made Fury gleam with glee."

"Good." you yawned, letting your eyes close knowing Loki was safe and found the flash drive. Steve whispered something but you were already too far gone, falling asleep as soon as your eyes closed.

Loki came into the room a few minutes after you fell asleep, stepping up next to Steve who had been staring your sleeping form. The raven-haired God pulled up a chair, his eyes never leaving your face. "How is she?"

"More worried about the aftermath of the mission more than herself." Steve answered, his voice wavering for a second at the thought of losing you. The super soldier turned to Loki. "Thank you for going against the rules and using your magic to save her. I think it's safe to say you won't get into any trouble, especially with her fighting Tony about it."

Loki shrugged, waving away the compliment. "You would've done the same if you could've."

A beat of silence passed before Steve spoke again, more determined than ever to win back your trust. "I like her, you know?"

"I care for her, too." Loki replied. "And I know that you care for her but don't you understand that I'm far better for her than you ever will? You hurt her. You broke her trust. I may only know her for a few days but I know breaking trust is important to her. To earn it back—"

"Would almost be impossible." Steve finished, his eyes dropping to the bed. "But I have to try. I really like her."

"As do I. And I'm not giving up."

"Neither will I."

< previous next >

#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #loki #loki laufeyson #loki x reader #loki laufeyson x reader #implied smut #jealousy #tony stark #captain america #marvel #tom hiddleston #love triangle

[moontheoretist]

MCU timeline, if they actually cared about the characters as much as we do:

Phase 1 (setting up the universe)

- Iron Man - Incredible Hulk (+ Bruce’s DID is included and well represented, Hulk is not shown as a monster which cannot control himself so much he hurts everybody around including Betty, in fact he is shown to avoid hurting anybody who isn’t actively shooting at him, Dr Samson and Rick Jones are a must for this origin story, post credit can stay the same) - Hawkeye (includes: his childhood with an abusive father, his brother Bradley, his past in the circus so basically his origin story, his deafness, him being conscripted by SHIELD, and post credit scene with him choosing not to kill Natasha) - Black Widow (includes: her childhood in the Red Room, the fall of USSR and change in Russian politics, KGB being dissolved, Natasha’s breaking of her programming, her leaving the Red Room thanks to meeting Hawkeye, the assassination of Dreykov’s daughter, What Happened in Bucharest, Natasha joining SHIELD, and post credit scene with her taking place of the PA which was supposed to apply to Stark Industries) - Iron Man 2 (+ more info about Howard’s abuse of Tony, Natasha is there, but it’s not her first appearance, and also she isn’t shown as if she knew she was in a movie) - Thor - Captain America: The First Avenger (I think that his stupid behavior in CW is completely set up by his origin story, so I wouldn’t change anything if we wanna have that conflict with him being more concerned about Bucky than literally anything else going on) - Captain Marvel (because her existence makes Fury think about Avengers and explains why Fury wanted to create them in the first place, also action happens mostly on Earth) - Avengers (+ Jane Foster and Darcy are part of the science team and greatly contribute to the plot as scientists, because I am fed up with women being sidelined)

And because Avengers has a post credit with Thanos we should get some movies in space now related to Thanos first, before Iron Man 3.

Phase 2 (we learn about the ultimate badguy)

- Guardians of the Galaxy - Thor: The Dark World (but hopefully better written, + no damselling of Jane) - War Machine (Rhodey’s only movie, Tony is busy doing whatever) - Hawkeye 2 (how Clint dealt with everything which happened during Avengers, how SHIELD agents treated him, introducing his family?, maybe bringing back Barney and showing his relationship with Mockingbird and stuff like those) - Iron Man 3 (without the ableist meta message that all disabled people just wait to become murder machines, but still introducing Extremis) - Black Widow 2 (could be the same story as we got in 2021, introducing Yelena Belova) - Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch (includes: their childhood, how their parents died (Yugoslavia being bombed by NATO, but I doubt Hollywood would ever wanna say it out loud), them growing in orphanage, possibly attending university (universities for citizens in Serbia are free and because Sokovia is based on Serbia, and it is a slavic country we can assume they have that system as well, and there are also social support programs available from both the government and possibly the university as well), the difficulties of a life in which they have to cover their costs of living themselves, because they have no parents, American army stationing in Sokovia, twins getting radicalized, protesting against foreign influences in their country and joining Hydra, experimentation, if they were trained by Hydra to use their powers or not and how were they trained, Sokovia being shown to be normal country instead of breaking apart state which Americans see each time they think about it) - Falcon (Sam’s origin story, his mission in Afghanistan and stuff - I don’t know his origin story, so I dunno what to say here) - Captain America: The Winter Soldier - TV show about the consequences of the movie above. Possibly something akin to Agents of Shield. What happened to the agents, how world reacted to Natasha’s “fuck you”. - Ant-Man (introducing Hank Pym) - Avengers: Age of Ultron (Ultron is Hank Pym’s like in the comics, but in some versions of this Tony helped or provided tech so he still wpuld feel quilty afterwards, + no dying Pietro)

Phase 3 (everything gets complicated, but they prevail)

- Incredible Hulk 2 (what happened to Bruce and Hulk and how they dealt with the idea that Steve literally had his well-being in his ass by inviting Wanda and Pietro to the team, what is going on with Thaddeus Ross and Betty Ross, we meet Jennifer Walters) - Black Panther (different one than the one we got, introduces T'Challa and his family) - Spider-Man: Homecoming (could be earlier, just after Avengers, but *shrugs* this story is written in such a way it is better after Iron Man 3 and Age of Ultron) - Captain Marvel 2 (basically setting up why she didn’t participate in Civil War, my idea was to depower her, but not take her powers away, so she could have some more down to earth stories instead of stories set in space, maybe even explore her alcoholism that way) - Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch 2 (deradicalisation, becoming heroes) - Captain America: Civil War (Accords are better explained, Matt Murdock or Jennifer Walters show up to do exactly that, RAFT is explained as American prison not related to the UN, Steve this time has valid concerns about the Accords, but he still goes ape shit over Bucky, still lies to Tony about his family, because those traits were all set in his origin movie) - The Wasp (Hope’s origin story) - Hawkeye 3 or Hawkeye TV series - Black Widow 3 (something something about Ross hunting her, but Red Room was already taken down, so different story is here instead) - Ant-Man 2 (Wasp is here too, but this is Scott’s movie, previous Ant-Man and The Wasp) - Black Panther 2 (about Kilmonger and T'Challa’s scuffle for the throne) - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (didn’t know where to put it, because it is mostly unrelated to any other movies with this story about Ego, but it develops Nebula more, so let’s be here) - Doctor Strange - Thor: Ragnarok (I am not opposed to Planet Hulk, but I am more inclined to not put Bruce into a movie which is supposed to be about Thor and Loki so… more time for Brunhilde) - The Winter Soldier (solo Winter Soldier movie) - Avengers Infinity War/Endgame (it makes no sense to make two movies if we can have one, the snap was used as a plot device more than actual defeat of the Avengers, so it can last less than 5 years and also no time travel which then you have to explain why TVA didn’t put everybody in jail for that, Tony doesn’t die and Carol and some other powerful people (LIKE HULK, Hulk is NOT less powerful than Thanos or fearful or something) take down Thanos instead and Tony finally retires and is left alone by everybody goddammit)

Phase 4 (new era, some heroes retire, others take their place, while different ones just get the grip of whom they truly were all along, and also we get a new ultimate bad guy and possibly set a stage for his defeat) <- this one not really well set up, because we don’t know most of the movies and TV shows which appear in this phase so dunno how to set them.

- Spider-Man: Far From Home - Photon (origin story of Monica Rambeau) - War Machine 2 - WandaVision (or Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch 3, adjusted, so it would not repeat some facts and would only remind about the most important stuff. Also, Pietro lives in this timeline so no Bohner guy lol, he is just insufferable brother-in-law to Vision, and weird uncle to kids) - The Falcon and The Winter Soldier (but with Steve who didn’t go back in time, because there was no going back in time in this timeline, he just finally is learning what accountability is and has to forfeit his shield, because it’s time to retire) - Falcon 2 - Winter Soldier 2 - The Wasp 2 - Loki TV series (Loki survives Thanos and is taken by the TVA, it basically doesn’t force the story to make him quickly develop feelings in the first episode and bypasses that issue, + more Loki Variants, all genderluid and presenting in various ways in the show) - Incredible Hulk 3 (Bruce and Hulk finally start communicating and Hulk becomes gradually smarter, and we meet Bruce’s another alter Grey Hulk and the circus with getting along starts all over again, because Grey Hulk hates Green Hulk xD, is setting up She-Hulk) - Shang-Chi and the Legend of Ten Rings - What If…? TV show - Ms Marvel TV show - Eternals (feels like should be in different phase) - Spider-Man: No Way Home - Doctor Strange: In the Multiverse of Madness - Thor: Love and Thunder (about Mighty Thor - Jane) - Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (about Shuri?) - The Marvels (Captain Marvel 3 basically) - Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quntamania (setting mutiple Kaangs I suppose) - Moonknight TV show - She-Hulk TV show - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - Blade (feels like should be in different phase) - Fantastic Four - Avengers (in which they fight Kaang?)

I was going with the idea that every superhero should get at least 3 movies ONLY about them. As of now, I managed to put 3 only for a few, and some were swapped for TV shows instead to fill the place and better show the character and what they’re up to, because TV shows have more hours than movies.

I know there are supposed to be TV shows for Armor Wars, Iron Heart and Secret Wars, but I dunno when, so no idea where to put them.

#mcu critical #mcu #mcu au #marvel cinematic universe

[lowkeyorloki]

Chaos and Control

Anonymous requested: I have a request! The reader is part of the Avengers team, but is more on the technology side and babysitter if need be; like when Steve Rodgers at the end of the first Captain American movie. But the reader is in charge of babysitting Loki and Loki can’t help but be intrigued by the reader. Loki ends up kidnapping the reader when escaping from the Avengers and somehow protects the reader throughout the events of NY!

Anonymous requested: Hello, just found your page and I have a request if it hasn’t already been done yet. But Loki meeting his significant other for the first time and trying his hardest to stay away, but the readers niceness has a warmth that Loki can’t deny no matter how hard he tries.

I hope this first anon doesn’t mind if I tweaked the prompt a bit! Instead of kidnapping the reader, Loki just runs into them in NYC. It should still work :D

~

Loki’s eyes glinted.

“You seem to have held back all your life. Allowed yourself to be controlled under guise of following orders.” Loki stands up a little taller, reminding you of just how small you are to him. “...Don’t you ever just want to let go?”

“I don’t have that luxury,” you respond, watching Loki from the other side of the glass. He sits in his prison, much more confident than he probably should be. “It’s not that simple.”

“My life greatly improved when I realized it is.” Loki tells you.

“You turned your back on a whole kingdom.”  you say, knitting your eyebrows. Loki clenches his fists- a movement you would have missed if you’d blinked. 

“They turned theirs on me first.” he retorts. You see something change in him- a flicker in his eyes.

Sadness.

Without thinking, your press a hand up to the cool glass that divides the two of you. It’s silly, stupid even- Loki is probably going to rip you to shreds, make fun of you to no end.

But he doesn’t. In fact, the god stands up, almost like he’s going to walk over to you and place his own hand against yours.

Fury barks your name from behind you. Giving Loki one last glance, you walk away. 

~

Loki has been in custody for three days. With Natasha having blown her facade with him to get information, it’s your job to watch him.

Thor insisted Loki be allowed nourishment, so you give him meals as well. You slip his meals into his cell through the small window.

Loki never eats unless you do too. It’s always silent, and one of you is always watching the other. 

You tape little notes under the plates to give to Loki. They don’t even say anything. They’re just doodles, of flowers or clouds or whatever else you thought of.

If Loki notices, he doesn’t mention it.

~

You’re not blind to the eyes of the Avengers or other S.H.I.E.L.D agents on you. You’re used to it, it comes as no concern.

But maybe it should.

“It’s not innocent, little one.” Loki says as the man who debriefed you leaves. You glance at him, and Loki is as close to your side of the glass as he’s ever been. 

“What’s not innocent?” you question him, training and information extraction skills at the ready. Loki may distract you, but not entirely. You still have a purpose here. 

“The stares.” he answers, like it’s perfectly clear. Like you’re a fool for not knowing. “It’s not because you’re new, or stronger, or faster. It’s because you’re different. You kind doesn’t like that.” he quiets down. “Neither did mine.”

You take a step closer- if there was no barrier between you and Loki, you two would be able to touch.

“You don’t know me.” you say, but it’s not a threat. You don’t declare it as a triumph. You just... state a fact. Not a good or bad one. 

Loki blinks, then turns away.

No, he thinks. Not yet.

~

When Loki makes his escape, it’s a grandiose event. There are explosions everywhere, the Hulk has been unleashed, and you’re still having to break up fights between Steve Rogers and the Ironman himself.

You’re sent after Loki, running after him and dodging every stray bullet, flame, and pieces rubble that’s sent your way. 

He’s in a jet of some sorts, one that he probably can’t fly by himself and will crash if he tries. The door is open, an empty seat next to him. Loki says nothing, but just like yours, his attention is drawn to the passenger seat. 

Almost like he was asking you to join.

The engine stalls and makes noises it shouldn’t, but it’s somewhat up in the air and leaving the helicarrier before you can react.

Before you can make a choice.

The blast sends you flying backwards, hitting your head. The last thing you see is Loki flying away. In the back of your mind, you wonder if this is an omen.

In the back of your mind, you’re almost glad he escapes.

~

It’s New York, but it’s different. 

The city was never boring, least of all right now. 

The Chitauri are everywhere, and so are the civilians they’re attacking. Every abandoned shoe, doll, backpack makes your heart heavy. You hope they were simply dropped, as opposed to...

As opposed to...

You didn’t want to think of the other possibility. 

The rest of the Avengers are headed towards the epicenter of destruction, hoping to find Loki.

You think back to your days spent with him. You listened to what he had said. You’d seen the looks of scorn he gave Thor. 

Thor stole glory from Loki, banished his younger to the sidelines.

That’s where you figure he’ll be now. 

New York is a huge city, with lots of alleys to hide in. You can’t possibly look down them all.

And yet, you’re determined to try. No one else, not even Loki, had to get hurt. 

He’s waiting for you, on the outskirts of the city. You hit his armored chest as you round a corner, bouncing back far enough to look at him.

Loki’s form makes your heart skip a beat.

He’s godly, now, that much is sure. His helmet is tall, reflecting the sun, and his scepter emanates power. Loki’s robes are adorned with gold, and the brilliant green shows every curve of his muscled self. 

This doesn’t seem like the same battered Loki you met in the S.H.I.E.L.D compound. This was a lethal man, capable of being terrible.

But also of being kind.

Loki wordlessly walks towards you, taking advantage of your shell-shocked self. He looks forlorn, reaching up and running his thumb over the stitches on your forehead.

Stitches from his escape. You flinch when he touches them.

“Not you.” he murmurs. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Loki is tangible now, and with no glass to separate the two of you, you reach out. Your hand finds its way under layers of metal and leather and cloth until it rests on Loki’s bare chest, just over his heart.

It beats steady under your hand, but faster than you would have thought. As if your touch excited Loki.

You stare at each other, until Loki closes his eyes, muttering a chant under his breath. In an instant, the gash on your forehead is healed, leaving you feel more alert in its wake.

“Thank you.” you whisper, the first words you’ve ever spoken that are meant for Loki and Loki alone. There’s no one to hear them, no supervisors or agents. 

Just you.

He gives you a sad smile, pulling away. He begins to leave, cape trailing behind him.

“Wait.” you call out. “You can stop this.”

Loki turns back, still looking kind and kingly. Your breath catches in your throat.

“No.” he says sadly. “I don’t think I can.”

“I know this isn’t what you want.” you say, you beg. This isn’t Loki, this was a front. Why wouldn’t he save himself?

“I’m glad someone could see that.” Loki muses. He looks over your shoulder at the impending chaos behind you. His face crumples, like it pains him to see it all. “Just... wait for me. When this is all over, all said and done.”

You aren’t given a chance to respond before Loki disappears into thin air.

But then, you don’t think you have to. Loki knows.

He doesn’t know your mind yet, but he knows your heart. You’ll wait for anyone who needs you. 

Especially him. 

#there are definitely some liberties taken in regards to the avengers movie lmao #loki #loki imagine #loki x reader #loki fic #loki fanfic #loki laufeyson #loki laufeyson imagine #loki laufeyson x reader #loki laufeyson fic #loki laufeyson fanfic #loki x you #loki laufeyson x you #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #marvel fic #avengers #avengers imagine #avengers x you #avengers (2012) #avengers 2012

[anagentinwriting]

Lifeline - Part 2

Summary: (First Responders!AU) Moving to Los Angeles and living with your brother, Thor, was never part of your plan nor was being a 9-1-1 dispatcher, but plans change when you are faced with your own emergencies. In your case, it was leaving behind a relationship that wasn’t as perfect as it seemed. Will this be the fresh start you were hoping for or will your past find a way to catch up with you?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Odinson!Sister Reader

Word Count: ~2900

Warnings: Elevators, Angst

Lifeline Masterlist / Main Masterlist

Steve POV

“The 911 operator I was talking to had this great idea to use the hose to pull the little girl across the water to get her out of the pool,” Steve reminisced, sitting at the big island in the kitchen watching Sam cook.

“Dude, I was there, remember,” Sam replied.  “And hasn’t it been like a week since that happened?”

“Yeah, but it was such a clever idea. I didn’t even know they could see the whole house on their monitors.”

“Who cares! It’s probably some fancy technology not available on the market yet, but if I'm hearing this correctly, it sounds like she popped Stevie’s dispatcher cherry,” Bucky joked behind him.

Steve peeked over his shoulder, narrowing his eyes at Bucky. “My what cherry?”

“You know when you talk to a dispatcher on the phone while on scene. Danvers takes those calls most of the time, but every once in a blue moon, one of us takes it.” Bucky wiggled his eyebrows. “Who was the operator?”

“Um...YN.”

“Oh, my sister,” Thor announced in a deep voice, patting him on the shoulder and taking the stool next to him. “She is very intelligent.”

“Wait, you have a sister?” Steve asked, widening his eyes at him.

“I have two sisters, while one half-sister, but we don’t talk about her because she’s the worst,” Thor answered with pursed lips. “YN is the best though, I like to think she got the brains, I got the brawn, and well, I guess, that makes Loki the beaut of the family.” He nodded with a half shrug. 

“Are we still talking about how Rogers popped his dispatcher cherry,” Carol smirked, walking into the kitchen with Valkyrie. Steve felt his face heat up as he tried to say something, but she held her hand up. “It’s okay! Everyone remembers their first time,” She winked, forcing him to shake his head.

“Okay, okay. I get it.” Steve held up his hands in surrender, trying to hide the blush on his face.

_____________

You swiveled back and forth in your chair, waiting for the next call to come in. You had a half-hour left of your twelve-hour shift, and you needed a girls' night out. Living with your brother and Darryl was both a blessing and a curse. They offered you a place to stay, rent-free when you first moved here, but the amount of testosterone in that house was sometimes too much for you to handle. You tapped your fingers on your desk when your line started ringing. You sat up, letting out a deep breath, and pressed the spacebar.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“Hello,” a male voice replied.

“How can I help you?”

“I’m making a turkey and was wondering what the internal temperature has to be?”

“You do know it’s against the law to call with a fake emergency, right?”

“Yes, but this is an emergency.”

“No, it’s not, so get off my line.” You hung up the line, shaking your head. Right away, another call came through, and you answered it. 

“911, what’s your emergency?” 

“Hi, hello. My friends are trapped in the elevator. The elevator must have snapped or something because there was this loud bang.”

“Where are you calling from?”

“The Natural History Museum. Please hurry!”

____________

Steve sat in his unassigned assigned spot at the dining table, eating a late lunch with the team. It was the cardinal rule at Station 107: Work as a team and eat as a family. Steve never thought he'd be able to find another firehouse he enjoyed working at, considering his previous teammates and friends at his old one. He hated leaving them behind, but he needed a fresh start, and so far, Station 107 was the best second home he could ask for. 

Everyone brought something to the team as every firehouse did.  Captain Danvers, or Ace as she preferred to be called in the field, brought her confidence and experience, which made for a great leader they could trust and rely on. Thor had his strength and his bravery, but he did have an ego. Sam was a great motivator and could keep everyone on task while still cracking jokes. It was no wonder Sam was the head EMT at this firehouse. Valkyrie was a badass and wasn’t afraid to put people in their place. As for Bucky, Steve knew he would always be there for him till the end of the line. 

The loud alarm blaring throughout the firehouse pulled Steve out of his stupor. Everyone knew what that sound meant, and they were ready to tackle whatever it might be. One after another, they slid down the firepole, pulled on their gear, and hopped in the truck, heading towards the scene. It wasn’t unusual to take calls that didn’t involve fire because whoever could get there the fastest was better than no one showing up at all. 

Thor hopped behind the driver's seat of the fire engine, pulling out of the garage. Carol sat beside him, giving him directions while speaking with the dispatcher through her headset. The sirens were wailing with Val and Sam behind them in the ambulance. 

“Alright, boys. We got an elevator crash at the Natural History Museum,” Carol said into her helmet mic after speaking with dispatch. “Dispatch says three students and their pregnant teacher are inside.”

“What’s the plan, Ace?” Steve asked into his helmet mic, concealing the siren blaring in the background. 

“I have contacted the museum's elevator technician, and he has already locked and tagged the power on the cars. The car sits near the basement level, so we will approach from the top in the lobby. I want Thor on the winch…”

“Ahh---what,” Thor interrupted her.

“Calm down, big guy, you can have the next one.” She gave him the side-eye, making the rest of the crew chuckle. “Steve and Bucky are going to do an immediate retrieval and approach from the top. Sam and Val will set a perimeter and then treat those who come up. Then, I will help with the retrieval, and Thor with the winch,” she stated with the last part dripping in sarcasm.

“It still hurts,” Thor added, taking a right at the intersection.

Once on-site, everyone grabbed their gear and took their positions.  Steve and Bucky strapped on their harnesses and helmets, switching on the flashlight. They started scaling down the elevator shaft from the lobby as Thor lowered them on the winch with the retrieving rope.

“How we looking, Steve?”

“Sexy, but not like we are trying too hard, but it’s more kind of effortless.” 

“Yeah, I mean, have you seen Steve’s ass in that harness. It could be American’s Ass or more like LA’s Finest Ass,” Sam commented with a whistle, echoing in the shaft. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Steve landed on the top of the elevator, unhooking himself while Bucky did the same.  “I’m down and unattached.”

“That’s what she said,” Carol responded with her head appearing in the shaft.

Thor chuckled, shaking his head. “Classic.”

Steve rolled his eyes and used his other flashlight to find the hatch on top of the elevator. He unclipped the lock, opening the hatch door, seeing the top of the lights. “I’m Fireman Rogers, please move towards the buttons. I’m going to kick the light out, so we can get you out of there.” It took a few kicks, but once it fell through, a few faces peeked up at him.  “How are we doing in there?”

“Oh my god, thank god, you’re here. I thought we were gonna die,” one of the kids replied, clutching his phone in his hand.

“Calm down, Flash. Everything is fine,” the pregnant woman reassured. “Right?” She looked up at Steve with worried filled eyes, and he nodded.

“Watch out, I'm coming down.” Steve crawled down into the hatch, and Bucky passed him the spare harness.  “Ma’am, you’re going up first, but first we need to get you strapped into this harness, then we’ll pull you up.” She nodded, trusting him, and allowing him to put the harness on her before Thor used the winch to pull her up.

“Okay, boys, who's going to go next?”

“I’m next,” the one they called Flash stated.

“Okay, then, how about you with the cool hat.”

“Thanks, it gives me confidence,” the kid smiled.

“And then, you,” Steve pointed to the kid wearing a Midtown School of Science and Technology shirt.

“Um...yeah--” he nodded a little too much. “--Yeah...I can go last. Get everyone else to safety first.”

“Perfect.” Steve clapped his hands together. “Let’s do this.”

___________

It turned out to be a quick rescue, and no one suffered any major injuries. Steve took some gear out to the truck and started repacking it when he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. He turned around, noticing the kid in the Midtown School of Science and Technology shirt wrapped in an ambulance blanket. 

“What can I do for you, kid?”

“Peter. Peter Parker. I’m...I’m Peter Parker.” He held out his hand, and Steve shook it. “I just wanted to say thank you...thank you for saving my teacher and my friends back there. We’re on our school trip from New York, and this was an adrenaline rush experience.” Peter held up his hand, and Steve noticed it shaking.

He chuckled. “It will wear off.”

“It felt like that opening scene of that old action movie. Where John Wick saves those people that were trapped in the elevator after the bad guy tried to blow them up with a bomb. They don’t catch him obviously because it’s the opening scene, but later he puts the bomb on the bus, and that Bird Box lady has to keep driving like fifty-five miles an hour, or the bus will blow up.”

“I know the one. I think you’re thinking of Speed, but I don’t think it’s that old.” 

“Yeah, yeah, that one,” he chuckled, pointing his finger at him. “It’s kind of old, I mean you’re kind of old, so it’s kind of old to you, but to me, it’s kind of new because I’m not that old.” He rambled on, his eyes widening, realizing what he was saying. 

“Peter, come on. The museum is going to show us some never before seen stuff because we almost died,” the kid with the cool hat shouted from across the street. 

“Coming, Ned,” he yelled back. “Thanks again, Fireman Rogers, and sorry about calling you old. I didn’t...”

“It’s okay, kid, I’m just glad you’re safe.”

Steve watched Peter run back over to his friends with a smile on his face. It was these moments when he loved his job, watching friends and families reunite after a tragedy. It was these moments where he felt like it could almost fix what he lost. 

______________

You sighed, taking a seat at your usual spot at the end of the bar in Happy’s Hydrant. Happy noticed you right away and smiled, giving you a bottle of beer. You thanked him with a nod, taking a sip, and scanning the crowd. It wasn’t unusual to spot a familiar face, considering this bar was created for the heroes of Los Angeles. It welcomed all those members who served or are currently serving as first responders, but civilians were welcome, too. It’s nice to have a place to go with people you could relate to and share similar experiences with after working a twelve or twenty-four-hour shift. They understand what we go through on a day to day basis. It was one of the many reasons Happy Hogan wanted to open this bar after he retired from his Fire Chief position at Station 12.

You swiveled back and forth on your bar stool until someone familiar on the other end of the bar caught your eye. You stopped moving, your eyes not wavering from the man. Your mouth went dry, hearing your heartbeat thumping in your ears. You gulped, feeling your palms start to tingle as the muscles in your legs start to tighten. Every nerve in your body was firing, telling you to run, but it felt like if you moved an inch, he would see you, and these past three months would’ve been for nothing. He glanced your way for a brief moment, and relief flooded your whole body. You relaxed, squeezing your eyes shut as you took a few deep breaths in and out. It wasn’t him. 

The weight of someone touching your shoulder makes you jump off your bar stool, and turn around to see one of the ladies you were waiting for.  “Hey, it’s only me.” Carol held up her hands in surrender, giving you a reassuring smile. “Sorry, I forgot how jumpy you can be.”

“It’s okay. Lost in my head again.” You nodded, returning to your barstool.

“Thanks for giving my transfer a chance to be the shining star of my squad last week.” She nudged your side, flagging down Happy for a drink.

“Your what...with what,” you asked, narrowing your eyes at her. 

“The pool, the hose, the little girl stranded on a floaty with the water electrified. Ringing any bells?”

“Ohhh, right. That one.” You took a sip of your beer. “Fireman Rhodes or was it Ronin?”

“Rogers. Steve Rogers.” You pointed the neck of your beer bottle at her and nodded. “You made quite an impression on him. He can’t stop talking about it, and it’s getting really annoying, but I guess you did pop his dispatcher cherry.” She nudged your side with an ever-growing smile on her face. You rolled your eyes at her, shaking your head. “And if single you is interested, I am sure he is willing to mingle. At least, if you’re into that sort of thing.”

“I’m not ready to start dating. I’m still trying to find myself after going through a terrible six-year marriage.” You gave her a half shrug, eyeing the bar. “When I am ready to date again, all I want is a nice guy.”

“Steve’s nice.  Hey, you should swing by one day before your shift and meet him,” she winked, and you scoffed, rolling your eyes. 

“I haven’t even filed for divorce yet.”

“Wait--” she turned on her stool to face you “--hasn’t it been three months? Why not?”

“I don’t want him knowing where I am.”

“Doesn’t he know where Thor lives?”

“No,” you sighed, shaking your head. “Let's just say he didn’t take much interest in my life while we were together. Besides, I don’t think he'd think I’d go to Thor with how everything turned out the last time I went to him for help.

“What an asshole.” She rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her beer, and you nodded.  “Well, at least you know you have an admirer,” she added, making you scoff.

“Hey ladies, sorry I’m late,” Natasha greeted, taking the other stool next to you. “Clint and I checked out this noise complaint a neighbor called in. And it turns out this guy was serenading his ex-girlfriend with hopes to win her back. It was this whole thing, and we wanted to stick around to see what happened next.” 

“So what happened,” Carol asked with curious eyes, wearing a mischievous smirk on her face.

“It was crazy.” She shook her head, letting out a breathy chuckle. “She came down and punched him in the face. Apparently, this dude cheated on her with, wait for it--” she drummed her hands on the bar countertop “--her brother. It was a twist I didn’t see coming, but talk about drama on duty. Sometimes I think it would be easier fighting fires or answering phones all day.”

“Oh please, Nat, you wouldn’t last a day. You would miss seeing the excitement first hand. Over the phone, you don’t get much excitement,” you replied.

“Speak for yourself,” Carol added, taking a swig of her beer. “You would love my job, Nat. You get to boss men around.”

“I kind of do that already. Besides, I don’t think I could leave Clint. He’d be lost without me,” she smirked, signaling Happy to make her a martini.

Natasha oozed confidence, which came off as intimidating to most women. When she walked into a room, all eyes were on her, but it was attention she chose to ignore. When men would buy her drinks, she'd take it to another lovely lady. Nat was all about lifting and empowering women to feel confident in their own skin. She wasn’t afraid to tell people to back off or shut up. She was the role model you wish you had when you were with him, then maybe you would've had the confidence and courage to leave sooner. 

“Here you are, Nat?” Happy pushed the martini glass to her. “Are you ladies still good?” He asked, pointing to the drinks in front of you.  

“Yeah, we’re good. Thanks, Happy,” you smiled at him as he walked away, shooting you a thumbs up. 

“How is apartment hunting going, YN?” Nat asked, taking a sip of her martini.

“Good, I found this cute little condo a few blocks away from work. It has a modern feel to it, but I think it would be perfect for me,” you described. “I loved it when I saw the pictures. The landlord is out of town right now, but she told me it’s mine if I want it.”

“I’m so excited for you,” Nat squealed, squeezing your forearm. “You need to get out of that testosterone-filled house and get on your own two feet again.”

“Yes, you do,” Carol agreed. “What’s your softie older brother going to think of you leaving?”

“I’m going to have to break it to him slowly.”

__________

AN: Thanks for reading part 2! I hope you all are liking it so far! If you caught it there was a quote from Brooklyn 99 that I thought was too good not to put in! 😂 Also, Darryl Jacobson, if you don't remember him, he was Thor's roommate in those Marvel shorts. I thought he would be a fun and entertaining addition to this story! Also, any ideas as to why Steve left his old firehouse? Did you enjoy the little Peter Parker cameo? And what do you think Thor is going to think of her moving it? Comments always welcome, thanks again for reading! 

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers au #Steve Rogers x Female Reader #marvel #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #marvel au #firefighter!steve #firefighter!bucky #modern au #steve rogers series #captain america #captain america x reader #chris evans #firefighter au #chris evans fanfiction #avengers au #avengers fanfiction #avengers #first responders au

[lokiondisneyplus]

Loki is the latest Marvel Studios TV series in the long-running franchise and it’s currently ongoing with five episodes so far available to stream on Disney+ Hotstar Malaysia. For previous breakdowns of Loki episodes, check out Episode 1 here, Episode 2 here, Episode 3 here, Episode 4 here and Episode 5 here.

If you want a non-spoiler guide to Loki, you can head on over here.

Courtesy of Disney+ Hotstar Malaysia, we were lucky enough to be the only Malaysian media to participate in a roundtable interview with Loki Costume Designer Christine Wada and Loki Production Designer Kasra Farahani.

This interview with Loki Production Designer Kasra Farahani has been edited for clarity.

Keep in mind that we’ll be discussing some elements from all five episodes of Loki so far, so there will be spoilers below:

Q: You’ve previously worked on Black Panther and other MCU movies. How different was the experience of working on a TV set instead of a movie’s? Were there limitations?

Yes, I’ve worked on several Marvel projects. For me, this is the most fun one, maybe because I’m in a different position than I was on the other ones. But also, just because this project is unique in a couple of ways.

Number one; it’s literally in its own timeline from the rest of the MCU. It’s separate from the stories we’ve all enjoyed and seen in the MCU so far. The other thing that this one has that’s really great is the amount of visual and narrative variety. We have this kind of base in the TVA that we spend a lot of time in but also we have all these exciting different places in the world that the story takes us to. These were great worlds to design and to imagine.

In our case, there was no difference. The thing about the Marvel series is that it’s pretty much like Marvel movies; in terms of their creative ambition, in terms of the way they’re scheduled, the fact that we have one director.

There was not much about it (Loki) that resembled an episodic project, except for the fact that it was six hours of content that we were trying to make, so it’s a very long project.

In terms of resources, I didn’t ever feel that we were unduly stretched. Always, when you get a creative brief like this, there’s always a period at the beginning of every project where you’re reconciling the creative brief and the resources that you have. That has been the case for every project that I’ve ever worked on regardless of the size. There’s this beginning phase where that’s the case and oftentimes, it’s in that process where you come up with some very great creative solutions that are a direct result of some of the limitations, actually.

Yeah, I wouldn’t say that we had some extraordinary limitations in this case (for Loki), but that’s generally true for all projects, in my experience.

Q: What were you inspired by when making designing the sets of the TVA with its retro-futuristic and anachronistic aesthetics?

In the source material, the TVA had a lot of different things going on, but one of the strong themes also was this armada of desks, which is kind of typical of a post-war era bureaucracy look. There was a grain of that in the source material but a lot of it also came from the show’s creator and writer, Michael Waldron, who described in the original document I read before interviewing for this job.

He described the TVA as a kind of mix of Mad Men meets Blade Runner. Part of these two strong visual references for us. On top of that, me and director Kate Herron, even before we met and spoken to each other, were inspired by Terry Gilliam’s Brazil also as a strong influence because of the anachronisms that that story had and also because of the clear presence of this strong monolithic bureaucracy, which is something that we have in the TVA also.

For the TVA, we were looking a lot at wanting to create a world that had a paradoxical feeling, being an imposing monolithic architectural space that has brutalist elements in them and had almost Soviet modernist elements to them. The colour palette and the materials and the whimsical patterning were much more like American style modernism.

The result was hopefully when you’re in an environment like this, you don’t know whether to feel terrified or invited. Hopefully, it creates that feeling in both the characters and the audience; this kind of cognitive dissonance in not knowing whether they can trust the TVA or not. That’s the narrative objective.

The writers came up with these ideas and the idea with that was to kind of create the bubble gum wrapper in the Renaissance era (Loki Episode 2) and the futuristic shovel in the early 20th-century farm field (Loki Episode 1). These ideas were placed there to create a trail of clues for the TVA to follow before they have clarity on Sylvie’s identity. But for the anachronisms generally, that was something we tried to do throughout the TVA to have all kinds of strange things from different timelines and different worlds popping up in terms of props, like the Infinity Stones in the mail cart and stuff like that.

Q: What was it like working with Tom Hiddleston, who is a producer on Loki?

It was very exciting to have this opportunity to take the character and his storyline in a different direction. It became all the more exciting when I read the scripts and I saw the type of journey they were going to take the character on.

Tom is a professor of Loki, basically. After all, ten years or so of playing the character; he knows it better than anybody and he has an in-depth understanding of the character and his backstory; the character’s family relationships and he was really helpful in giving a little talk to all the department heads about the background of his character, which was very informative.

Q: Recently, Loki series director Kate Herron said that 90 percent of production sets were physical. Does this include the world of The Void, and can you tell us more about how you brought it to life?

That’s true. That was what was unique about this show, because of my own design approach, and my goal in creating this large monolithic brutalist environment, I felt strongly that the sets needed to be built kinda wholly and that they needed to have the ceilings in-tact. This was also supported by Loki cinematographer Autumn, in that the way of her own style of photography is very wide and low-angled photography, which is why for both of our creative goals, it made a lot of sense to build these sets like completed and 360-degree environments.

For the TVA, that was almost always the case, with the exception of when you saw outside a window. With the Void (in Loki Episode 5), a lot of that was built practically as well. What I can tell you is that we build a large piece of this landscape on a soundstage, which was about 150 feet by 200 feet of undulating wilderness terrain. In that, we would bring in these different scenery elements on different days to make it feel like different places within the Void.

For example, one day there was the bus stop terrain where we meet Loki. One day it was the giant head. One day it was the drive-in movie theatre where we find Sylvie. All of these things were brought in and we shot there over the course of seven days. The terrain was designed in such a way that depending on what angle you shot, it felt like a very different place. Backgrounds were put in during post-production in visual effects. The Loki palace, where the Loki variants kind of hang out, the bowling alley, all of that was also a 360-degree built set as well.

Q: What was the most challenging set of the entire Loki series that you had to work on?

We had a lot of very ambitious sets but I think the city of Sharoo at the end of Loki Episode 3: Lamentis was a very technical set. The goal was to create this virtual one-in, that appears as a single shot. This was a very involved and elaborate process of choreography, basically.

All the different departments were involved to make this happen because as we watch the sequence, we see tons of actors running around, there are explosions happening, the camera’s panning up to see the planet above crumbling and asteroids pelting the surface.

There was a lot of planning that went through at the very beginning. We brought the paper models of this to Autumn, our cinematographer and creative director, to use to plan some of their shots. One day, we had some more information that fed back to the art department where we developed more involved and elaborate drawings and models which again, fed back to them. In this way, we had kind of an iterative conversation to arrive at what the design was.

So, as we start to build the set, many of the department heads came to visit and check the progress. We rehearsed what the shot was going to be, so we could exactly fine-tune the set to meet the needs of this shot and see where the edits needed to be. In order to do this, we needed to adjust the exact width of the roads or move a piece of scenery here and then figure out exactly, okay, there’s going to be an explosion coming out of the ground here and another explosion coming out of the building here and this is when the camera looks up to the sky and sees the planet explode. This is where the window breaks and this is where the guy jumps out and grabs him and there’s a fight.

There are many, many people involved; Monique Garderton, our stunt coordinator, Kate Herron, the director, and also the special effects team, and of course, visual effects, deeply involved, and Richard Graves, who is kind of our AD (Assistant Director), the circus leader of all of it, organizing everybody to kind of work on this thing altogether. It’s the sort of thing that involves so many different departments that it can only really be discovered when working in a big group together.

I would say that was maybe the most challenging technically because there were so many logistical parameters and so many moving parts.

Q: What are your thoughts on diversity in the production of the creative industry?

I think that it is critically important. As somebody who is myself an immigrant, I was born in Iran and my family moved here when I was quite young. I’m super happy to see the direction that the industry is going in. I think Marvel has been particularly excellent in providing leadership in this way and I honestly have to give a lot of credit to Kate Herron, our director.

Almost more than any other project I’ve been on, she prioritised inclusivity and diversity. I mean, lots of people, don’t get me wrong, it’s on every project and on everyone’s mind, but I think Kate went above and beyond because it’s so fundamental to her worldview and she’s such a sensitive soul in this way. One of the many ways in that it was such a joy to work with Kate and I’m very proud of the many different ethnicities we’re representing, and how many women we’ve had. In our art department, we had close to fifty men and women.

It’s important and leads to better creative results that are more fully realized and more representative of what the fans really want.

#Kasra Farahani #production design #Loki #interview

[hecallsmehischild]

Recent Media Consumed

Books

The Road to Wigan Pier by George Orwell. First, I actually appreciated the foreward to the “Left Book Club” copy, even though it says that anyone who is not a member should disregard it. It gave an interesting rebuttal to parts of the book. That aside, I’m not totally sure what to make of the book. On the level of descriptive writing, I rarely find something this richly penned. But it’s loaded with concepts and lingo and even a monetary system I’m unfamiliar with, and that hampers my understanding of the points. I get the general gist, but all the finer points are very lost on me, simply because I’m an American millennial.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson. I’ve seen the “F*ck” series titles floating around here and there, and I’m intrigued by a couple of them. The idea of this one is that people give way too many f*cks about everything, and that you really need to pick where you give your f*cks in life and never give a f*ck about anything that doesn’t line up with your values (in a nutshell). It’s an easy and interesting read. It’s interesting to me that, in the wake of what I hear was many years of positive-mood and high self-esteem type self help books (most of which I’ve only heard of and never read, were they before my time?), we’re getting a backlash of “Yes, life sucks. Yes, life has pain. Dealing with pain and failure appropriately is a part of life. Accept that, or lose yourself to complete entitlement” type self-help books. I’m curious what this trend produces in people over time. I’d also like to highlight that this book has the best discussion of dividing “fault” and “responsibility” that I’ve ever read.

Shows

Loki. WHAT EVEN. WHAT EVEN. WHAT. WHAT THE. WHAT THE. FRESH… THE FRICK FRACK PADDYWHACK???!!!

Mushi-shi. So, turns out the first time I watched this I somehow started on Season 2, and my source cut out before the season end… no wonder I was pretty confused. So I started re-watching this and… I remember how incredibly unsettling this anime is. It’s equal parts gentle wonder and soft horror, a blend that is very difficult to describe unless you’ve seen it. Much like Mushi themselves, eh? I think I’ll balance this out by ending each watch session with an episode of Log Horizon rewatch. That’ll keep the emotional balance intact.

Claymore. I ended up dropping this one halfway through. It has an interesting concept, but the “things that bug me” points mounted pretty fast. In the early episodes, everything is so dark that it’s hard to see what’s going on. There’s a huge amount of monologuing and info-dumping IN monologue, and this goes on even mid-fight, and even CALMLY mid-fight. Yes, this isn’t the only anime that does this, but it decreases my enjoyment. It’s difficult to take the story seriously when the big bad yells, “Why can’t I defeat you?” to the weakest-but-somehow-also-the-strongest member of a team, and then have a colleague of the team member calmly explain to the big bad exactly why he’s unable to land a blow, then they take off his head together. This show has a lot of that sort of thing. I’ll read up on how the series ended, not interested in slogging through the other half.

Elfen Lied. This is a re-re-rewatch for me. I stumbled on this anime when I was newly inducted into anime-watching and, well... given that Princess Tutu was my very first anime, this one was a real shock to my system at first. By all accounts I should have dropped it and run screaming at the time, but I couldn’t. There was something about the sheer tragedy of the story that called to me. Plus it was VERY short. So I returned to it from time to time. Now that I’ve developed more of a feel for what I do and don’t like in a story, how does this hold up? The relationships are terrible, imo, and the whole thing about diclonius is never explained enough (and I still don't understand the ending) but it's STILL hard not to be pulled in by the sheer tragedy of the series.

Movies

300. I haven’t seen this movie since college. Is it weird how much I enjoyed it as a romp? Yes, there’s death and tragedy, but the dry humor and utter gung-ho-edness of it is infectious. It’s a good flick, I’m really glad I went back to see it. And I also finally understand Leonidas telling the traitor, “May you live forever.” Damn, man. No wonder he flinched.

Weathering With You. GORGEOUS. I need to see more by this animator… LIGHT. WATER. FOOD. I hear they’re calling this person the new Miyazaki? I CONCUR. And the story is sweet and beautiful and just yes. Yes. Oh, look, he made something else before this movie…

Your Name. Okay so I have mixed feelings about this one. On the one hand, fantastic story and, once again, gorgeous animation that all makes me want to track with this creator in the future. And the twist definitely socked me in the gut, I didn’t see it coming. On the other hand, I feel like this movie hits an extreme of “show, don’t tell” in a way that comes awfully close to a negative. I didn’t think that was possible, but this movie switches timelines, POV, points in time, etc, so rapidly that it becomes difficult to keep track of what’s going on, properly. I could not imagine watching this movie in theaters, it has to be watched with a remote in hand to pause, rewind, rewatch, discuss what the heck just happened. It’s like watching Mystery Skulls videos, with that level of rapid fire little details that are incredibly important to the plot, but for a feature length film. Also, after some discussion, I came to see (and agree) that there’s a foundational issue in the main relationship that doesn’t bode well for the future, as much as I rooted for them to be together. Still, it’s an incredible movie and I can see why it was the highest grossing movie for Japan a few years back.

Games

Diablo II. I’m really happy. I live in a house with my husband and his best friend, and in the past year or so we’ve begun playing games together. This is the sort of game I would never have gone to on my own because I actually need someone in the room who I can ask, “Hey, how do you assign attacks again?” or “Hey, is this piece of gear better than the piece I’m wearing?” I don’t like playing the number game on gear so much, but I let the two of them dress my character up and then I back them up in a fight and enjoy myself. Looting and exploring for treasure is probably my favorite aspect (says the person who plays Breath of the Wild just to forage for mushroom and herbs), although as a level 20 Amazon I’m now shooting out waves of 8 arrows at a time, and that’s pretty epic too. It’s a special kind of joy to find out you actually like a type of gaming as long as there’s people there who can explain things along the way and who don’t get annoyed at re-asked questions. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m having a blast playing Diablo II in a group. And as for the other game we play together as a group…

WoW Classic. I covered this before, but back then I was a lowly level 17 Dwarf Hunter. Now I’m a lowly level 36 Dwarf Hunter. With a mount! I have epic skills like explosion traps, poisonous shots, and multi-shot. My wolf has gained a ton more skills, too, and is (or so I’m told) a pretty effective off-tank. I have been told I am an effective DPS person, which makes me very happy. I really enjoy this kind of gaming, but specifically when I’m in the same room as the people I’m gaming with. Communication is a lot easier and we work really well as a team that way.

#recent media consumed #child loves books #child loves movies #child loves shows #n00b gamer child

[bat-besties]

Dead Dove: Do Not Eat

Remus is the most eccentric customer who visits Janus and Virgil's café. When he goes missing after talking to a mysterious stranger, Janus resolves to investigate further- and Virgil isn't letting him go alone.

AO3 10k 

Huge thanks to @mariniacipher, I could not have written this without her. She let me talk about the idea for hours, it has somehow developed into a series, and the story itself took a real twist because of talking to her! Another massive thank you to @5-crofters-jams, who did a marathon edit of the entire piece for me, and has made the story so much smoother and more effective (and much less British because my original dialogue did upset her American sensibilities XD) Also thanks to @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors, who knew everything I needed about pigeon corpses!

CW: dead bird, touching the bird corpse, bird funeral, Remus levels of comments about gore and innuendo, drug mention, mention of vomiting, kidnapping and captivity, feeling nauseous from anxiety, light dehumanization, brief allusion to racist violence

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Remus was...

(There was usually a little gesture there: Virgil’s rolled eyes, or Janus’ helplessly fond smile, or a disapproving look from Remy-)

....Remus.

Their anarchist cafe saw its fair share of unusual customers but only one of them was, well, Remus.

Morning sunlight threw beams which striped the posters covering the walls- old propaganda posters mixed with ads for tutors, food banks, and drag shows. There was a quiet chatter of customers, occasionally broken up by bursts of laughter or a called greeting to another patron as they came in. Kids from the skatepark sat on a pile of beanbags charging their phones, having given up the comfortable chairs for a small group of elderly butches with stretched tattoos who were now speaking with slang from fifty years ago. A mother whose baby was trying to grab onto her braids was trying to feed him with one hand and hold her husband’s with the other. A college student frowning at their laptop screen and consuming coffee at an alarming rate was seemingly oblivious to the punk trying to discreetly read their laptop stickers. One of a Pan-African flag matched the full-sized one on the wall, swaying with wafts of coffee and baked goods along with spider plants and assorted pride flags. Old photos of a Black Panther group in the town, reprinted and signed by some of their patrons, were framed proudly on the walls.

Since everyone had been served, Virgil was taking a few breaths to check over the register and prepare for the next rush. The rhythm of checking, preparing, and letting the background chatter fade into the background blended into a pleasant, thoughtless routine. Cups out. Setting out more sandwiches. Look over the register. Maybe get something from the back-

“Morning, shitwad!”

Virgil ducked under the counter as something thumped into the coffee machine behind him, and a few of the regulars laughed in good nature.

“Oh, good morning, darling,” Janus replied smoothly, appearing from the kitchen. He was wearing a yellow shirt which contrasted with his deep brown skin perfectly, as well as a bowler hat and dapper bow-tie. He pulled plastic gloves over his hands with all the elegance of a debutante preparing for a ball.

There was a shrill wolf whistle. “Those are some sexy wrists!” was the next comment, followed by a squawking laugh, and Virgil rolled his eyes as his friend brought a flustered hand up to adjust his collar. Every day, he faced the deep attraction between the most sophisticated person he knew and the most outlandish, and he didn’t know which was more obnoxious. As Virgil popped back up, Janus reached over to the projectile on the back counter. It was the small, feathery body of a dead pigeon, carefully wrapped in cling wrap.

Virgil gave Janus a long-suffering look and got out a bottle of disinfectant. “Morning, Remus,” he grumbled, despite his irritation. “What can I get for you today?”

“My friend died at 3am last night,” he replied instead. “I need to store her in your fridge until you both get off work, and then we’ll hold her funeral!”

When they were alive, Remus treated the pigeons as gently as they did each other-

That is to say, he was ruthlessly protective of chicks, ready to grab and move anyone encroaching on territory, and, if pecked, was fully ready to bite back. Still, at his two-tone whistle a whole flock of assorted birds would fly down to meet him. His eyes would shine bright as they flew around him like a feathered whirlwind, and settled on the surfaces all around him like a hopeful congregation as he fed them with whatever he had. Despite their number, almost all had names and ascribed personalities.

Exactly how he could tell the difference between two seemingly identical pigeons Virgil had no idea, and he wasn’t entirely sure that Remus wasn’t fucking with him about it.

“Why did you throw her if you’re trying to preserve her?” Virgil said, but he tried to keep the frustration out of his voice. In fairness, it didn’t look too damaged by the blow. It would take a lot to change the kindness Remus showed the doves, as roughly as he showed it.

“I thought you’d catch her, emo! It would have been a beautiful moment!” he protested, throwing his grey eyes open wide.

Virgil took a deep breath and nodded. “You know what? Yeah, maybe it would have been. But you forget-”

“Fight or flight,” Remus filled in. He shrugged. “I guess that makes sense.”

As usual, he was dressed in as many layers as he could be, with only a hint of pale skin showing on his face and through a pair of fingerless gloves he had cut himself. Everything else was an amalgamation of black and brown leather, denim, flannel, a puffy coat, a long flowing skirt in leopard-print, and fishnet tops over cotton T-shirts, leaving barely any Remus-outline at all. It didn’t matter what the weather was; his outfit might change components, but it never revealed so much as his neck.

Everyone had their reasons, Janus would quietly say at almost anything their customers said or did. It wouldn’t have crossed their minds to ask why he covered himself so much, but it was something Virgil couldn’t help but wonder about sometimes.

Maybe Janus was right and Remus was handsome, but his face was so obscured by his moustache, stubble, and makeup in purple and green- or whichever colours he felt like- that he seemed to be aiming for ‘gives you a headache after you look at him too long’ more than anything else.

His hair was almost literally a bird’s nest. He had completely rejected offers of a hairbrush or a comb, insisting he preferred it the way it was. The third co-owner of the cafe, Remy, with whom he was staying at the moment, had made many attempts to detangle his hair, all of which had been met with screaming and gnashing of teeth. After each clash, Remy would send Virgil a barrage of complaints by text. But while Janus had offered for Remus to stay at his own apartment, Virgil and Remy had made a mutual decision to save them from 24/7 pining by volunteering instead. Janus had refused even considering dating him the very first day he had barged his way into the cafe- and into its founder’s affection. As long as Remus came to them for food and shelter, it would be an unfair balance of power.

Remus reached into an inner pocket of his coat and slid a purple pin with a spider silhouette on it over to Virgil. “You could stab this into those big brown eyes of yours,” he said, widening his own at the barista.

“Sweet, thanks,” Virgil said, pinning it onto his apron string. It did match with his spider-web hair design. “Then I won’t have to look at Janus getting flustered any more.”

Remus grinned at Janus, who was trying to act as if he’d been so invested in carefully holding the pigeon that he hadn’t heard. He leaned on the counter and dropped his voice into a stage-whisper. His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled. “I think he’s sexy.”

“That’s disgusting,” Virgil whispered back. “I’m going to throw up in your coffee.”

He shrugged. “I’d still drink it. Then I’d just be able to judge you based on your stomach bile.”

“You’d be so fucking impressed by my stomach bile,” Virgil retorted. “It’s so acidic from anxiety it would kill you immediately.” He turned to start wiping down anywhere the pigeon had even possibly touched.

“Bartender!” Remus yelled in an exaggerated English accent, banging on the counter. “Bartender! I would like a coffee and a sandwich, please!”

“One moment, my dear,” Janus said in a more passable impression, opening up the freezer door and placing the tiny corpse into an empty ice-cream container well away from the rest of the food. “I’m just cryopreserving- what’s her name?”

"Her name is Loki,” Remus supplied, his voice dropping to a matter-of-fact tone which was surprisingly tender coming from him. “She's good at stealing chips from tourists. And flying and shitting at the same time.”

Janus threw away his gloves, thoroughly washed his hands, then made a small note: "Loki: not for consumption." He glanced up at Remus so he could see the note, who repaid him by throwing his head back so he could laugh. Janus' mouth quirked into a snicker too, and the rest of the coffee shop seemed to fall away from the two looking at each other.

"We're going to get a violation," Virgil interrupted, because that was the expression of a Janus who would complain and pretend not to pine for hours after Remus left. He turned on the coffee machine to hopefully distract from the moment. "It's a dead fucking animal."

"So is the rest of the meat," Janus dismissed without looking at him. "And it is wrapped up and away from the rest of the food."

Ever since Virgil had joined the team and the cafe had begun to establish itself as a firm success, the city council had done everything in its power to shut it down. Each time, the cafe had won, even if their most recent fight was one of the most nerve-racking experiences of his life, and their personal lives had been dragged through the dusty carpet of every courtroom in the city. Each step of the way, Janus insisted that the risk was worth it.

After all that, Virgil was not letting the cafe close on account of a dead bird, as skilled a thief as she might have been.

"It’s a pest animal you let in here," he insisted.

Janus dismissed him with a shrug. "Come now, so is Remus."

The customer grinned. "You flatter me, rattlesnake." His eyes traced Janus' face as they scrunched up with joy. "Can you tell me about Dodgy Knees again?"

He closed his eyes as if pained. "Diogenes! Diogenes! I'll break your knees if you mispronounce-"

"Kinky!"

He rolled his eyes fondly. “Oh, is that so?”

So Virgil tried to ignore the disaster scenario of the cafe being shut for good, fixed a cup of coffee and a sandwich for Remus, and somehow got caught into a conversation about the pros and cons of leaving society to go feral in the woods.

“No, I do agree, but wolves-”

The door rattled, and an older white man with salt-and-pepper hair and a pinstripe suit walked in. He wasn’t entirely out of place amongst the clientele, but he honestly looked more like the businessmen in some of the cartoons Janus had papered one wall with. Remus ignored the bell as he leant his elbows on the counter, gesturing with his sandwich as he talked to Virgil while the barista came up to the register.

“How can I help you today?” Virgil asked the man, who was glancing around the decor. That type of customer was almost certainly drawn by the coffee, all blends hand-picked by Remy.

“I’ll be in and out in just a moment,” he replied with a small smile, and Remus stopped talking. “An espresso to go, please.”

Virgil nodded. “Sure, a moment-”

A blush crept up Remus’ cheeks, and he ducked his head with uncharacteristic shyness. As the man caught his eyes his entire expression softened, the hard lines of his face seeming to melt as his lips parted slightly, like he would say something. But, for once, he was speechless.

Janus looked as though he had been slapped in the face. “Are you acquainted?” he asked, in such a casual tone that Virgil knew he was deeply hurt. He arched an eyebrow as he waited for an answer.

“I- yes, I believe we are,” the customer gave a genial smile in return, his eyes fixed on Remus’. “Some time ago.”

Janus’ eyes narrowed. “Where do you know him from, Remus?”

There was a crinkle of plastic and leather as Remus shrugged. “Long story,” he said distantly.

Virgil slid a cup of coffee over to the man, who tapped a black card to the card reader and gave him a quick smile. “Keep the change,” he quipped. It was a tip some ten times greater than their recommended 20%.

“Thanks,” Virgil mumbled, but his focus was on his friend, who was drifting out of the door, as he tended to do at the end of a conversation. “Hey, Remus, we’ll see you later?” he called after him.

“Sure, Virgey!” he replied, giving him a quick grin before he held the door for the businessman, and the two of them walked out together. The older man ducked his head to whisper something into his ear, and Remus laughed and linked their arms as they headed into the street.

As soon as the door swung shut, a cloud settled over Janus’ expression. “Well,” he said, adjusting a sandwich which was just slightly out of line with the rest. “They say a stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet. It takes all sorts. To each, indeed, their-”

Before he could utter another saying, Virgil interrupted with a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure it’s not what it looks like.”

“And what does it look like?” Janus asked caustically. “Remus was acting unusually, yes?”

“Sometimes people get nervous,” he ventured. “If they like someone-” There wasn’t a single trait Remus said wasn’t his type; a silver fox with money was as good as any.

“Don’t say ‘like’, it’s so middle school,” he snapped, and Virgil flinched at the tone in his voice. He grabbed a cloth and headed over to a table which some regulars he knew were just vacating to wipe it down. Poor Loki’s funeral was going to be a tense event.

Except, as night fell and the cafe began to glow with the golden lights and the warmth of the ovens, and as Remy arrived to help them with the evening rush, Remus didn’t show up for the body in their freezer.

The brief liveliness Janus had shown bustling between the kitchen and the front faded as the final family trickled out. He waved away most of their offered money, seeing as it was a birthday party and he knew them, and Remy and Virgil made meaningful eye contact but didn’t protest.

As they closed, Remy filled the awkward silence with chatter about the men he was dating, the new hair product he had tried, the fact Remus never washed up when he was told to, and he was, like, so sick of it-

But no Remus appeared to defend himself, even after they left half-an-hour late and each one tried to call him.

He didn’t appear at Remy’s to sleep overnight, and he didn’t come into the cafe at all the next day.

That next night, Janus disappeared into the back, leaving Virgil to clean up by himself.

His stomach was upset, and he couldn’t help but think about that man over and over.

Long story- what exactly did “long story” mean?

Remy used the phrase when it really was a complicated story full of exes and rumours and friends of friends-

Virgil used it when he was asked why he didn’t speak to his family any more.

But he’d never seen Remus look like that before, and the guy had seemed nice- and there was an obvious suggestion for why his friend was busy overnight.

He realised he’d been wiping down the same table for the past five minutes.

“Virgil,” Janus said quietly behind him.

“Yeah?” he turned, and his brow immediately furrowed at his friend’s sombre expression.

He had his phone in one hand, and his hat in his other. “I’m going to ask you for a favour,” he said slowly. “You are quite free to decline it.” He paused. “I want to go to the house of the man who Remus went out with, and check that he’s alright.”

“I...don’t know that’s a good idea,” he said, twisting the spider badge on his apron so he could avoid the weight of his friend’s expression. “I mean...it could be an invasion of Remus’ privacy, if that was an old friend or-” Scared of causing further upset, he tilted his head to fill in ‘something else’.

“Yes, I know.” He sighed, looking out into the night through their plate-glass windows. “You know I’m not one for hunches-”

“Eh, you turned out a guy for being an undercover cop in like two seconds because he asked about ‘The Antifa’-”

Janus gave him a look with almost the level of exasperated fondness Remus engendered, and Virgil fell silent.

“I’m not one for hunches, but I’m usually right when I have them, then,” he finished lightly. “I have a very bad feeling, and a Google Search for anyone in the town who could possibly have a black card doesn’t make me feel any better.”

Anxiety coagulated in his stomach, but he tried for his final hope. “Are you sure it’s not...jealousy?”

He gave him a long, tired look. “The thought has never even been a worry of mine,” he said drily. “Still, I can go by myself, and make my own self a bother, worse, a fool.”

And it wasn’t really a question at all whether Virgil would let that happen. “Two of us is just a bother,” he replied with a confidence he didn’t feel, unclipping his badge from his apron and slipping it into his hoodie pocket.

Janus hung up his hat and put on a neat suit jacket over his outfit. “Thank you, really-”

He shook his head, opening the door so that a rush of petrichor and tarmac washed out the pervasive smell of coffee and food from the cafe. “Let’s go.”

They walked out into the night, still damp from the earlier rains. The lights of the shops around them reflected against the wet tarmac, and music pumped out of passing cars giddy with the promise of the coming weekend. They headed to the bus stop, Janus politely greeting every person they passed, and Virgil ducking his head so he didn’t have to. He didn’t know if the people who replied were familiar to his friend from the neighbourhood, or just trying to be polite in turn.

As soon as the bus stopped with a hiss of steam, Janus led him down to the back, and sat by the window, checking the map on his phone again. “It will be some time,” he said. “But, I ask you to be patient.”

“Course.” Virgil rested his head on Janus’ shoulder and closed his eyes. “Just tell me the stop before and I’ll be...right with you.” Moving vehicles lulled him to sleep anyway, and he would just worry the whole way otherwise.

“Of course.” Janus wrapped an arm around him, so he wasn’t jolted as the bus started again.

As Virgil dozed in fits and starts, the window changed from views of convenience stores and fast food shops to blocks of apartments, to anonymous offices and retail outlets, to high-walled parks, and then houses set back from the road by sweeping drive-ways or pavements almost as wide as the road was. Finally, his head was jostled off Janus’ shoulders, and he blinked as the stop dinged, too loud after the fog of sleep. Outside, it was pitch black but for the pools of light beneath the streetlights, and the golden glow which the mansions kept far behind barred gates.

They stumbled off the bus, and Janus checked his phone just once more before they headed off down one of the identical sides of the road.

Virgil pulled his hoodie close around him against the night chill. He considered putting his hood on to protect his ears from the nipping wind, but they were already two black men alone in a very white neighbourhood. It wasn’t worth it when his stomach was already rolling with anxiety. He rubbed his thumb over the badge in his pocket and tried to breathe the cold air in 4-7-8. They walked over empty roads, past rows and rows of similar houses, until they turned a corner and cars lined the road, piling into a single driveway which was illuminated like a Christmas lights display. A few fancily-dressed guests stood by the cars, but most of the noise came from inside. The house towered even its neighbours, and was built in the faux-Classical style which he hated.

Janus checked the address against his phone, then nodded. “That’s it. What did you call those, again? False temples?”

“Temples to dumb rich Americans and bad architecture,” Virgil supplied with a quirk of his lips.

“Quite right,” he replied, assessing the entrance. “And in all likelihood, Remus is stuck inside with his…”

“Yup.” He looked between his own patchwork hoodie and Janus’ dapper suit. “Maybe you could sneak in, but I definitely wouldn’t fit in.”

He straightened, and adjusted his bowtie. “Then we’ll go around the back,” he replied.

Virgil shook his head. “Nope, nope, nope, that’s- Jesus Christ, no, that’s a great way to get arrested or even shot. No.”

“Virgil,” Janus said quietly. “These past two months, Remus has visited us every day except that brief time after the fight over the milk cartons, or whatever it was-”

“I asked him to clean up a drop of milk and he poured the rest of the carton over my kitchen,” he said sourly, which he felt he was entitled to despite the situation.

“Yes, yes,” Janus dismissed. “Anyway- he always comes, doesn’t he? So now-”

“I have a really, really bad feeling- and bad thought, and bad everything-” he protested, backing away from the gate.

An orange sports car swerved past them, and parked horizontally across the driveway, and a young white man in a tracksuit the same colour as his car leapt out and gave them a wide grin. “Hey! Hey! Hello!” he yelled, and flashed them peace signs, to which Janus replied with a pained smile and Virgil a small wave. “Everything’s started- have they done the fireworks yet? Or the, shit, thing with the melted chocolate and it flows-”

“Chocolate fountain,” Janus supplied with the smile he reserved for his more aggravating customers. He slipped his arm into Virgil’s and pulled them forwards. “We were hoping to arrive for that too, ah-?” He waited for the man to supply his name, but instead-

“I like your hair!” he said to Virgil, admiring the spider web design. “Rad!”

“Yeah, thanks,” he replied, subtly trying to pull them backwards as Janus marched him to the door after the guest. “Your car is...yeah, that sure is a car.”

“Sure is!” he replied with a blindingly white smile. He flashed something at a bodyguard at the door- who had sunglasses, earpiece, everything- Virgil noted with a sickening thrill of fear.

“And your friends, sir?” the bodyguard asked.

“Yeah, yeah!” The guest tossed his car keys at his chest and headed through to a foyer filled with well-cut suits and low-cut dresses, champagne glasses and trays of canapes. Marble floors reflected the lighting, which glinted out from chandeliers above. A wide staircase glided up to the hidden upper floors.

“Oh, hey! Hey, you!” the young man yelled as soon as he got in, bounding over towards a woman who greeted him with a grin, raising her glass like a toast.

Janus and Virgil just blinked at each other. “Are you...sure?” Virgil asked quietly. “Remus is here?”

“I’m honestly not so sure any more,” Janus muttered to him. “But let’s not rely on whatever chemicals are keeping our dear friend happy, and start looking around.”

They moved through a throng of people and out into a wide ballroom, filled with yet more guests and a live string quartet playing in one corner. Along with the music was the trilling of occasional birdsong from tropical birds fluttering inside several oversized golden cages dotted around the room. A few others held white marble statues, but they couldn’t compare to the shifting flurries of reds, blues, and greens. Without agreeing on it aloud, the friends first went over to a small party congregated by one of them, in case the birds had attracted Remus.

“No, but then I said-” A balding man was proclaiming. “I said, Rudy, that’s not the Dow Jones Industrial Average at all.”

The group burst into laughter, Virgil gave Janus a bemused look, and they moved on.

Everyone was well-dressed, in sparkling necklaces or ties in jewel colours or even in more casual clothes, like the man from the sports car, which still seemed to drip wealth. Wearing sneakers with a suit wasn’t that fancy a look, but when even Virgil recognised that pair from an ad campaign for a luxury fashion line which would come out next month, he guessed it didn’t matter. Nobody looked at them twice. Still, there was nobody dressed in the contents of an entire rummage-sale bin with purple eyeshadow used as contour.

“There-” Janus whispered- “Is that?”

They both froze as they watched a man with a moustache waltz past in the arms of a lady dressed in black. It wasn’t Remus.

Virgil scanned the room again, eyes passing over the gilded cages, and the tropical birds and statues inside them- nobody in the crowd admiring them was any business of his-

As they parted, the figure inside the tallest gold cage became clear. It shifted position- an animatronic? He looked more closely as it moved after everyone had turned away, fiddling with golden chains around its-

“Oh God-” he whispered. “Look.”

Virgil was an avowed atheist, but if the person inside the cage wasn’t a statue, he must have been an angel. His shining hair was cut short to show of the clean marble lines of his face. His chest was sculpted too, covered in scars which looked like they must have come from a golden sword like the one he was gripping. He looked as if he would swing it into position if not for the gold chains wrapped around his arms, tethering him to the delicate bars of the cage. He was gazing out into the distance.

Most striking of all, dove-grey wings crested over his shoulders and trailed all the way down to his ankles. His white tunic contrasted the hints of pale purple, pink and blue shimmering in his wings.

It was one of the most beautiful sights Virgil had ever seen.

He glanced at Janus for his reaction.

He found only an expression of absolute horror. Janus was completely silent for a moment, struggling for words, before he gasped. "Oh, Remus- what did they do to you?”

A cold feeling washed over him.

No- those were their friend's grey eyes, and that was the shape of his face, stripped of his facial hair and usual tacky makeup. No wonder Virgil hadn't recognised him.

Compared to the usual chaotic spark in his expression, he looked blank. As if his mind was somewhere else entirely- or like he'd been drugged.

Still, Virgil couldn’t help but be drawn back to his wings; they were hyper-realistic, even twitching as he tried to tense his shoulders to alleviate the pressure of the chains on his arms. And the amount of feathers it would have taken to make that shifting, downy gradient...not even all of Remus’ flock had that many. It was compelling, but sickening.

It felt wrong to look over his arms and legs when he was usually so adamant about covering them, so he dropped his eyes and tried to erase the knowledge of how muscled Remus was beneath his usual shapeless outfit.

It wasn’t that Virgil found his friend attractive exactly, but with wings like that, dressed like that- he was a centerpiece, clearly, and even as his stomach churned with the wrongness of the display, it was a palpable effort to keep his gaze from snapping back to him. “I’m gonna be sick,” he muttered to Janus.

“He’d never, ever choose to dress himself like that in front of everyone," Janus whispered, anger crackling red at the edges of his quiet voice. "And even if he did, he’d never shave off his moustache.”

He shook his head. “So...what do we do?”

In response, Janus sauntered over to the left, took a champagne flute from a waiter, and then gestured for his friend to follow. They zigzagged through the crowd until they got closer to Remus, whose eyes remained glazed and distant.

They stopped just by him. Up close, it was clear the tunic was some kind of cotton material, and the sword had blunted edges. He was wearing makeup too, and a lump in his mascara made Virgil feel another sharp pang of pity. As ridiculous as painting them on would have been, how real the scars looked in comparison to the rest of the outfit was jarring. He was built and scarred like a fighter, and all the little touches to make him look delicate only emphasised how roughened he was. Both were at odds with everything he knew of his friend.

“Remus,” Janus whispered. The name fell like a plea. “Remus, it’s us.”

All of a sudden, the man’s eyes snapped to them, his expression melting into disbelief. “Remus?” he echoed. It was as quiet as a whisper from a crypt. “You know him?”

“You’re-” Janus’ face fell. “Remus, that’s you-”

The man almost imperceptibly shook his head. “Twins, we’re twins- you know him? Please, is he okay?” He looked almost identical, though up close the differences began to stand out. He was probably more muscular, but who could tell under all of Remus’ clothes? The main differences were a gap between this twin’s front teeth and, more than that, his eyes. Even as he looked at them desperately, there was something missing from them, some jolt of hope or excitement which just wasn’t there. Their heaviness was an uncomfortable weight on Virgil’s face.

He wrapped an arm around himself. “Sorry, he went missing-”

“But we tracked the man he left with back here,” Janus filled in. “Isn’t he here too?”

The man shook his head again. “No, I- I’ll earn more information, after this. I don’t know anything,” he whispered. “I just know he found him, and he wants him to come back without a fight.”

Virgil never should have just watched as that man walked Remus out of the coffee shop. Long story his ass- “What the fuck is happening?”

Remus’ twin tried to shrug and then winced as the movement tugged on the chains. His wings fluttered with the movement. “They just tranqued us the first time. I don’t know why he’s delaying recapture-” He took a deep breath. “Just tell him to run away as soon as he can.” His grey eyes hardened to steel. “He might as well keep doing it.”

“I will if I can find him, thank you.” Janus took a small sip of his champagne. “What exactly was the capture for, if I can ask?”

The captive glanced around the room, and at the movement Virgil cut his eyes to the side. Nobody watched that he could see. “The wings, of course,” he said with a bitter smile. “Yes, yes, they’re real, go ahead and look at them.”

Janus’ eyes widened, subtly taking in the wings.

“My name’s Roman,” he continued in a low, urgent voice. “Tell him that Roman said to run, okay? Don’t listen to any of their offers or threats. I’m not a gladiator anymore; I’m here instead. It’s...not too bad.”

As Janus opened his mouth, Roman shook his head. “Don’t talk to me too long.”

“We can get you out,” Virgil said before he knew what he was thinking. “Whatever this is-”

“Go,” Roman insisted. “It’s not worth trying to do anything for me. And don’t call the police-”

Janus rolled his eyes. “You really don’t need to worry about that.”

“Fine.” he lifted his eyes to the middle distance again. “You should go now. Please.”

Virgil gave a little nod, taking Janus’ arm. “Okay. We’re gonna go.”

“Thank you,” Janus added. He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but then let Virgil lead him away.

He steered them back through the ballroom with their backs to Roman, trying not to glare into the eyes of each of the guests they passed. It would almost have been easier if there was a big fuss and show about the captive man, rather than the chatting and dancing and gossiping with, oh, a living being as a conversational curiosity-

As they came back into the entrance, Janus began to turn towards the sweeping staircase.

“No,” Virgil said under his breath, trying to tug him back to the doorway. “No fucking way. I know you’re angry but-”

“I’m not angry,” he replied coolly. “I am, rather, curious. Because I don't think they tell everything to Roman, and we’re not going to get luck like this again. Any information will help.”

He glanced up at where the staircase twisted out of sight. If Remus was up there, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. And, despite his words, Janus was throw-ignorant-customers-out-of-the-cafe mad. Except, he wasn’t quoting memoirs of increasingly obscure activists or putting neat yellow gloves on in warning, so Virgil didn’t know what he would do.

On cue, Janus reached into his breast pocket and drew out the gloves. He slipped one on, tugging it into place. “Better for fingerprints, and more neat.” He glanced at Virgil. “You don’t have to come with me, in fact it may be better if you didn’t.”

It wasn’t fair for Janus to pull on his ridiculous gloves like a boxer about to face a much bigger opponent, and ask him not to fight by his side. Even if Virgil had decided to leave the party, it wouldn’t have been fair.

“I will,” he said, tucking his hands into hoodie paws. His heart was thumping against his ribcage as if it would break out- that was a thought to tell Remus when they saw him. “I’m gonna complain about it afterwards.”

Despite his apparent composure, it took Janus a moment too long to answer as his eyes traced Virgil’s face. “Of course.” He took his arm. “Shall we?”

He was half-expecting an alarm to blare as soon as they set foot on the first stair- but nobody noticed. They took another few steps, feet sinking into the thick red runner. The back of his neck prickled with stares, but he knew from long experience that those were imagined. Or were they? No, that was anxiety. Janus’ hand tightened on his forearm and he stopped. Above, someone paced past on a wooden floor in the measured rhythm of a guard. He gagged.

“Deep breaths,” Janus murmured.

“I hate this,” he replied. Then he forced a breath in his nose and out of his mouth.

After the footsteps faded, they kept walking until Virgil moved his heavy boot onto the polished wood floor as gently as possible. Identical two-panel white doors stretched along the hallway without any noticeable distinction, until the corridor took a right turn at the end of the row.

“You take the left, I’ll take the right,” Virgil whispered, and Janus nodded.

With their footsteps echoing almost too loud on the floor, they each crept to the far ends of the hallway. There was nothing beyond the corner except another staircase, and thankfully no more doors.

He tried the door handle on the far right with his sleeve over his hand, and it turned. He nudged it open and peeked in to see a huge bedroom strewn with suitcases and clothes, and a sparkling necklace of diamonds carelessly draped over a black dress. But no Remus. He shut it and moved onto the next.

Locked. The next was too. His hands were shaking like there was a motor in them.

He closed his eyes and leant his head against the wall, trying to ground himself in the sensation. Okay. Next one- unlocked.

It was a bathroom, all white marble and gold like downstairs. He closed the door and glanced over to Janus, who shook his head.

He glanced at the staircase before crossing the corridor and turning the handle of the middle door slightly.

A voice rose behind the door, deeper and smoother than Remus’. “Hello?”

Virgil reached in desperation for the next door handle as footsteps sounded from inside, and tugged it open in time for Janus to walk in quickly and efficiently in the rhythm of the security guard. He followed with a few strides, shutting the door behind him in with a fumbled click. The room was an empty guest bedroom. Janus was hiding himself under the bed before Virgil caught his arm and pulled him out. He headed to the big sliding window.

“Please, please-” he whispered to himself, trying to lift it. Locked, locked, oh God-

Janus searched the mantelpiece for a moment before pressing a cold key into Virgil’s hand. He tried to put it in but his hands were shaking too badly and he couldn’t-

Janus took it off him. It fit with a click.

Virgil pushed up the window in a rush of cool air. He climbed out onto the little ornamental balcony running between a few windows and stood flat to the wall, chest heaving, before Janus followed with a tumble. He reached over and shut the window while Janus crouched down below the sill. The room was still empty.

Virgil slid down the wall, trembling hands over his mouth. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears and he was sure he would be sick-

Janus had curled into a ball, forehead to the stone of the balcony.

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that.

After a while, they ended up both sitting side by side in the space between the two windows, hands twisted together. It was silent.

Virgil glanced back into the room. “It’s empty,” he whispered. “We should leave.”

Janus nodded. “One moment-” He crept towards the other window and peeked in the bottom before he dropped to the ground, hand over his mouth.

Virgil widened his eyes. On cue, his heart finished its brief rest.

Janus pointed to his suit jacket, then made a rectangle shape with his fingers. Virgil frowned. His friend repeated the gesture, and it clicked. Black card.

He so, so badly wanted to run now, but instead he crawled over to poke Janus in the side so he would move over to give him space by the window. Their eyes met, and Virgil pulled his hood over his cold ears to settle in for a wait. He kept his head down, pillowed on his forearms, while Janus risked peeking up every few minutes.

Suddenly, Janus grabbed his arm. Virgil lifted his head. He could just about see Roman standing in the doorway, rubbing at the deep red marks around his forearms, and the captor leaning back in a leather armchair holding a glass.

Janus put his hands up to the window-

“Janus,” Virgil hissed, but then the window slid a crack upwards and voices travelled through.

“Quite the party, wasn’t it?” the captor said, pouring himself a drink.

Roman nodded too quickly. “Yeah,” he said in a hoarse voice, attempting a smile which didn’t reach his eyes, which were fixed on a closed silver laptop on a side table. “Yes, it was...very grand!”

He rolled his eyes. “What did you think of the decor?”

“Quite magnificent! Like a- an aviary in a palace.” His wings were trembling as though there were a breeze running through them.

Tilting his head and looking Roman up and down, the captor spoke just as genially as he had in the cafe. “You really aren’t as interesting as your brother was. Too many blows to the head, no doubt.”

Roman’s mouth tightened. His fists had too.

Against the deep, comfortable, red-brown tones of leather and what must have been genuine mahogany, and the backs of books all bound neatly and sticking out of the shelf as though frequently read, Roman’s outfit stood out as even more fake. Gold accents in the sandals he was wearing matched the subtle gold trimmings of the room, but if the study were a convincing stage, Roman looked like a badly cast understudy.

The captor laughed. “Predictable. This isn’t the fighting pits.”

Virgil and Janus shared a look before watching again.

“Your brother’s been living like a tramp and he’s still more beautiful than you are, under all the mess,” he commented, as casually as if he was observing the weather. Roman’s eyebrows drew together, watching for the end of the statement. He brought up a hand to cover a scar along the edge of his neck. “He’s not as scraped up as you, of course. And he really-” He swirled his whiskey for a moment before taking a sip of it. “He really is genuine. You can imagine worse things than this, can’t you?”

He paused, then nodded.

He shrugged. “He can’t. That’s the difference.”

Janus grabbed Virgil’s hand. He curled over and pressed it to his own forehead. Virgil rested his hand on his back and bent to whisper in his ear. “Hey, only I need to listen, so-”

He shook his head and Virgil cut off, peeking back over the windowsill.

For just a moment Roman glanced at the window before he asked, “So, where is Remus anyways?” He seemed to freeze as he waited for the answer, a statue once again.

“That’s the question, isn’t it?” He held his hand out and Roman looked at him blankly. “The laptop,” he snapped.

“Oh!” He grabbed it from the side table and tried to hand it over from a distance.

He took it and flipped it open. Roman stepped back immediately, hopping from one foot to the other like a boxer. Virgil felt himself tapping on Janus’ back in sympathy.

The captor flipped the screen open and typed for a moment before he began to read something. Virgil felt Janus’ chest go still.

The captor laughed. “Oh, would you look at that- “Queer Eye’s Karamo Brown urged to cut ties with Salvation Army”.” He shook his head. “There’s nothing worse than a hypocrite- did you know about this?”

Remus’ brother’s jaw tensed and he shook his head.

He carried on reading for a little while, tutting, and then switching to another tab. “Okay, fine- come and look.”

He crossed the room to stand behind the man, hands gripping onto the back of the sofa as if he would fall over without its support.

“Don’t touch the furniture.” With a roll of his eyes, he reached his hand behind him, twisted his hand into his captive’s wing- then tugged. As he pulled a handful of feathers away Virgil winced, but Roman only reacted with a tightening of his hands. Then he took a measured step back from the couch.

“You know,” the captor said so softly that Virgil had to strain to hear him. “You know, Remus would have cried and cried at that.” He scattered the feathers, spotted with blood, over the floor. “That, or started swearing- and the crying would come after that.”

“You’ve told me before,” Roman snapped. As soon as he spoke, he froze again. “Oh, uh- I’m sorry-”

The laptop clicked shut. “I asked you to behave this evening,” the captor said, getting up and tucking it under his arm. Virgil and Janus crouched down further. For some reason, a tiny chip in the stone paving caught Virgil’s eyes. A tiny fissure ran from it into the rest of the solid slab. “That meant all of this evening.”

“Please-” His voice broke, and pitched high it sounded like Remus’. Janus’ hand tightened on Virgil’s until it hurt.

“Out.”

Virgil tugged on Janus’ hand and bent his head to his ear. “C’mon, we need to go.”

Janus looked up. His eyes were shining, and at the same time Virgil felt like a monster for not crying and a sharp annoyance that his friend had given into his emotions. He took a deep breath, and both feelings passed. He tugged on his hand again. “Okay, time to go,” he whispered.

He decided not to risk closing the window while the man was still in the room, just nudging Janus to the side. They crept across the balcony, slid up the far window, and climbed through one after the other, painfully slow.

They padded through the empty room, then opened the door and slipped out together. Downstairs, the last of the party guests were trailing out, either upright with exhaustion shining in their eyes to match the sparkle of their jewels, or with the help of a few discreet employees supporting champagne-soggy legs. Wordlessly, Janus slung his arm over Virgil’s shoulder, and he let his friend lean on him as they passed security and walked down the long drive to the dark street. He was heavy, but Virgil was careful not to stumble.

They carried on walking that way until the corner, when Janus straightened up and adjusted his jacket. Still, they crossed the road side-by-side and didn’t speak.

As they walked, the bottom of the sky was being washed out into greyness. The houses were unlit now, and they looked smaller in the dark. It just barely smelt of metallic dew. Virgil thought he might start screaming if he opened his mouth.

They reached the bus station sooner than expected. There was half-an-hour before the first early-morning bus. With a huff of air, he sat down on the pavement and leaned his back against the pole.

“Well that was just what we expected, wasn’t it?” Janus said lightly. He stayed standing, facing the mansion they had come from. Virgil looked up at him in silence. “I’m going to murder that man,” he continued in the same tone. “The security for that house is shocking. I’m sure it isn’t that hard. Perhaps I should let the twins do it, though.”

He nodded. “I’ll help bury the body.”

“You know, Virgil,” Janus met his eyes. “You really are the best friend anyone could ask for.”

"What?" he mumbled as he looked down. "He was a dick."

"Come now, you also broke into the house of someone connected to illegal fighting rings whose interior decoration tended to the alive and miserable.”

Heat flooded into his face. “Least I can do.”

“Quite a bit more than the least.” His lips quirked into a smile. “Especially for someone who was terrified of talking to customers a year ago.”

"Oh, shut up." He poked Janus' neat brogue with his boot. "Mr. Sherlock Holmes here figured out the whole thing anyway." His chest felt funny, and he hugged his arms around it.

"Well, Watson," He took a deep breath and decided to stop tormenting Virgil with his tenderness. "I have our final deduction- the man had no clue where Remus is."

"Really?"

Janus shook his head. “He was just looking for an excuse for Roman to slip up the whole time. Taunting him, the furniture, physically hurting him- it was all trying to push him to some tiny ‘infraction’ so he could bluff about the information.”

“Huh.” He replayed the events and nodded slowly. “Sure, I can see that. Still, we don’t know if he’s always like that. He didn’t deny the information when Roman touched the furniture- which is a fucked up rule, Jan- I don’t know if him not saying where Remus is was an excuse at all. He said Remus was better than his brother, and he gets pissed when you suggest cutting those clumps out of his hair. He must have been-” He regretted saying it to Janus, but it was deduction time. “He must have been really- cruel to him for Remus to act anything like Roman. He enjoys being cruel, clearly.”

“You’re right.” He twisted the finger of his glove. “Still, surely telling Roman about how scared Remus was would upset him. And he didn’t, so something doesn’t add up.”

Well, his intuition hadn’t lied before. “So what do we do?”

“We find Remus first.” He straightened his shoulders. “Remy would have texted if he went back to the apartment, we can assume he’s not at the cafe since he was found there, and he could have gone to his usual parks and streets but if he’s being watched he wouldn’t. So, where would he go?”

“It wouldn’t be anywhere with a lot of people,” Virgil added. “Or maybe even with a lot of birds, since they all come to him. Somewhere abandoned?”

Janus nodded. “I think we could check out some of the old warehouse districts.”

He nodded. “Sounds like a start. That one’s only ten minutes after the home one.”

They waited quietly, each caught up in their own thoughts. The bus to their district began trundling past until it slowed down for them and the door opened.

Janus shook his head at the driver. “Sorry, we’re not coming.”

She began to close the doors again without comment.

“Wait!” Virgil waved at her. “Wait a moment! Wait-”

She stopped with a huff almost as loud as the bus’ exhaust. Janus let Virgil pull him through the door by his hand, tapping his card dutifully.

He raised an eyebrow as they stumbled into some seats.

“Where’s the place we were talking about running to just before, uh, bird-friend left?” Virgil whispered, even though he doubted the tired commuters would be listening in for names and details. “And where can you bury the kind of bird friend in our freezer? And where wouldn’t be a place you’d search?”

“The forest?” he replied. There was only a scrubby patch of it outside the city.

“Yup. Look, we should go back to the cafe to get Loki, anyone asks and we’re just, you know, getting rid of the health violation in the fridge in a way which isn’t a health risk to a park or anything.”

Janus stifled a yawn. “That’s very smart.”

“Thanks, it was kinda impulsive, but-” Virgil shrugged as he looked out the window at the unrelenting row of houses. “I’m happy to be out of there.” He tucked his arm around his friend. “And you can nap until we get there.”

“I’m just fine, Virgil,” Janus replied, affronted. “Besides, I don’t want to rumple my outfit.”

Virgil gave an exaggerated yawn himself, and Janus immediately followed. He glared at him, which only made Virgil give him a small grin. “Bedtime.”

He was met with a head thunking onto his shoulder. “You had better wake me up in time,” he threatened.

“I will.” He readjusted so he was more comfortable. “We’ll be fine.”

*

By time they reached the cafe the sky was white and grey. Virgil waited by the bus stop, leaning his head against it as a half-asleep Janus unlocked the front. After enough time for Virgil to consider if he could sleep upright (five minutes), he reappeared with a canvas bag with a rainbow flag hand-printed on it, and a stack of three sandwiches, which he handed to Virgil.

The bus came soon after, and they collapsed into one of the back seats.

They had barely finished the sandwiches by the time they reached their next stop. They got out onto a cracked bit of sidewalk and looked at the trees rising above them. Silent, they walked forward until the concrete suddenly ended.

Virgil breathed in the stench of wild garlic and dug his toe into the slimy layer of dead leaves. Damp air curled in his mouth as though it would die peacefully there. Something chittered in the distance, and then cut off suddenly. He tried to tilt his head up to look at the trees and suddenly the vertigo of only sleeping for a few hours on the bus journeys hit him.

It was a world away from the gilded cage and the dizzying party.

He took a deep breath. “This feels right.”

Janus nodded. He tucked the bag under his arm carefully. “I hope…” he trailed off softly. “Well, Virgil, let us venture onwards.”

He touched his friend’s elbow for just a moment before he walked into the dark trees. After a moment, Janus followed, and they walked on together.

There was occasional litter, plastic bags and water bottles, but as they got deeper into the thick trees and tangled brambles along the forest floor it disappeared. Janus winced as he tried to lift his perfectly shone shoes over a muddy patch Virgil’s leather boots trudged through with ease. The trees were stout and gnarled, fungus protruding out of them like infections.

They wandered without any real direction, just trying to make their way further into the labyrinth of trees.

Virgil suddenly caught sight of something out of the corner of his eye and he grabbed his friend’s arm.

It could have been a pile of abandoned clothes and torn out feathers-

But there was a glimpse of leopard print, and the vague outline of wings, and a low crooning coming from the figure curled there.

Janus crouched down six feet away from him, laying Loki’s bag by his side. “Remus,” he said so softly that Virgil barely heard it. “Remus, it’s Janus.”

Remus froze. Then his wings curved up around him. They were a lot taller than Janus was crouching. A pair of grey eyes came up to meet Janus’. His lips parted as he looked over the two of them. His purple and green makeup was smeared together until it looked like a black eye, and even his moustache seemed to have its own case of bed-head.

“We-” Virgil cleared his throat against a sudden lump. “Well, Janus, mostly, he found the guy’s house? And we went there, and, uh, we were worried about you so we looked.”

His eyes widened.

“We found your brother,” Janus said in a quiet voice. “Roman. He told us to tell you that he wasn’t a gladiator any more; he was there instead. That it, uh, wasn’t too bad.”

For a moment, Remus stopped breathing. Then he brought his hands up to his head, slumping his shoulders and letting his wings wrap around himself. “Bullshit,” he said hoarsely. “What else did he say?”

Janus bit his lip. “He told you to run away as soon as you could, and not to listen to anything they offered or threatened.”

Remus made a strangled yelping laugh which set Virgil’s teeth on edge. His wings were trembling so much that there was a slight breeze on his face. “Roman’s saviour goddamn hero bullshit-” He twined his fingers into his hair and started tugging. “He’s not- fuck,” he winced as he caught a matted section. “Not pathetic enough for that job.”

Janus tried to reach a hand out to untangle his hands from his hair, but Remus only stilled and leaned his head into his glove. Janus gently tugged at his wrist, but Remus wrapped his fingers around his hand and held it to his hair.

“Dude, you’re not pathetic. You broke out of that place all by yourself?” Virgil found his voice off-putting in the silence, but he kept speaking. “That’s hard. And you hid in the same town, in plain sight, for ages. And-”

“I ran away,” Remus said into his knees. “And I knew he’d get punished or die. He had to fight people. All goring out eyeballs and pulling out guts by the handful. Or the clawful. Depended on what kind of people were captured.”

“There are more people like you?”

He shrugged and, just like his brother, the movement made his wings move. “With the weird animal thing? Oh, sure. I would rather have a tentacle dick but you get what you get.” He spoke without humour.

Janus pressed a tiny kiss to the back of his hand, not seeming to care about the smear of dirt on it. “Darling, I’m sure you’re well enough endow-”

“No!” Virgil yelled, holding his hands up. “I have risked myself too many times today for you two to have to listen to that from you.”

Remus shrunk back further into a ball. “Sorry.”

For a moment Virgil was struck genuinely speechless. Then his brow furrowed. “Hey, no, I was just teasing.”

Janus turned to glare at him. He widened his eyes in response. Maybe he should have guessed Remus would be more delicate, but, well, it was Remus.

“Anyway, it’s okay, alright?” he attempted.

“Yeah, sure.” He lifted his head and smudged his makeup even more with the heel of his hand. “Fine.”

Virgil pulled the third sandwich out of his pocket and handed it over. “Figured you’d want that.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

Remus took it and began to carefully undo the wrapping. He took a small bite of the corner. “Mom and Dad are normal but Roman and I just were just born this way- oh there ain’t no other way,” he sang as he shimmied his wings. “But we lived in the middle of nowhere, and we stayed at home our whole lives, even though we talked a lot about hiding ourselves so that we could move. We kept ourselves to ourselves and we had a farm.” He threw his crust to the forest floor, seemingly by habit of having his flock around him. “Hope they didn’t search there for me; that would suck. Our parents saw us get captured, so at least they know what happened.”

Janus nodded as he listened. “How long ago was that?”

“Two years.” He stuffed the rest of the sandwich into his mouth.

“Goodness,” he said softly. “I can’t imagine.”

The corners of Remus’ moustache twitched up into a smile. “Nah, you couldn’t. Thanks,” he said through the remains of his sandwich.

Virgil waited for him to finish eating.

“We brought Loki with us, in the bag,” he said. “We figured it would be a good cover, and we can hold the funeral here.” He reached into the bag to pull out a trowel. They definitely hadn’t had one in the cafe, so Janus must have stored it there after Remus disappeared.

Janus reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and drew out a bag of classic Lays. He handed them over to Remus. “I do hope the flavour’s alright. I think it’s a classic.”

“Perfect,” he muttered. He stumbled up to his feet with a wince, holding his wings out for balance. Even without them fully spread out, the wingspan blocked the entire section of tree behind him. He rolled his shoulders back and flapped his wings.

Both of them stared.

Remus grinned and widened his eyes. “I can fly, you know. I could shit on you midair like-” All at once, his face crumpled and he held a hand up to his mouth. “Sorry, it all hit me again,” he said with a voice like sandpaper.

Virgil put his hoodie sleeve over his mouth as he swallowed back a guilty laugh. He started digging into the soft forest soil to distract himself.

He heard a flutter of feathers- had he been missing that under the whisper of all Remus’ shifting clothes before? - and then sobbing into a suit jacket. It was kind of scratchy on your face, Virgil knew, but it hid tears pretty well. He moved his whole shoulder into his digging, watching a depression form as the other two murmured words of upset and comfort to each other.

“I thought it was you,” whispered Janus against the shell of Remus’ ear. “And- my heart just stopped.”

“I wish it was.” Remus leant his forehead against Janus’ chest.

“But then how would I hold you, hm?” he replied, and there was the brush of fabric on fabric. “We’ll get him out.”

“You promise?” Remus said, and Virgil’s hand clenched around the handle. It wasn’t a good idea to-

“Promise. Split my chest open with a pickaxe and hope to pickle my heart.”

There was a wet laugh. “Kinky.”

“Come now, that was romance as well as kink.” His best friend’s voice was unbearably soft.

A warm feeling settled in Virgil’s chest despite the chill of the weather. Dammit. He stabbed the trowel into the ground again, ignoring the wetness in his own eyes.

He kept digging, until a set of feathers nudged into his face. “Did you poke me from all the way over there?” Virgil asked incredulously. Remus’ wing was as wide as he was tall, and he used it to poke him in the cheek again. It was a little disconcerting to see how much it moved like, well, a limb of his.

A feather brushed over the tears on his cheek. The wing retracted, and Remus came over to kneel by him and take the trowel. He sunk it into the ground, gouging out a huge section of earth with a small battle-cry. He flung it over his shoulder rather than adding to Virgil’s careful pile and then grinned at him.

A smile tugged at his mouth as he reached for the bag. “I think you finished the grave.”

He carefully wrapped the pigeon in the canvas bag Janus had chosen for her and handed it to Remus.

He looked at the little bundle in his hands for a long moment. Then he took her out of the bag. He began to unwind the plastic wrap.

Janus winced.

“That’s not clean-” Virgil whispered.

“It’s going to pollute the forest otherwise,” he replied without looking away from the corpse in his hands. “This is more natural. Besides, they’re pretty clean birds.”

So they watched in silence as he carefully took it all off and placed her in the grave. She was still intact, though her body had stiffened. “Thanks for being here, even if you were technically using her to stalk me,” he said. “Um, this was Loki. She was mischievous, and bold, and really smart. I’m going to miss her.” He cleared his throat and nodded, eyes wet. “Okay. Ready.”

Virgil scooped a handful of dirt with his trowel and scattered it over her. It pattered softly against the earth. Remus was staring hard into the distance. A few rays of sun poked through the trees as he pushed the rest of the dirt back into place. “Should we leave some rocks or something?”

Janus nodded. “I can collect-”

“I thought Roman was dead until a few days ago,” Remus interrupted. It sounded like a statement from a scratchy vinyl recording. “Ghosties are easier to carry around than big living brothers who got jacked from murder. Whatever you need me to do to get him out, I’ll do it. Killing, going back- whatever.”

“I don’t need you to do those things,” Janus said firmly. “All I need you to do now is come to my apartment,” he turned to his friend. “I’m not putting you in any further danger, Virgil-”

“Bullshit.”

He paused, brow furrowing. “Beg pardon?”

“That’s bullshit,” he repeated. “This is the part where you’re you’re going to think you’re being really smart about everything,” he held his hands up, “but you stick to your principles too much and you risk yourself and maybe those two-”

“Thank you for your confidence, Virgil,” he said acidicly.

“Anyway.” This was a spectacularly bad idea. “I’m helping.”

Defensive, his voice grew more formal. “If this is about the court cases, or the job, I promise you that you owe me nothing-”

“I like you, and I like Remus, and I don’t like what’s happening.” He shrugged. “It’s not a big thing; it’s just as simple as that. Okay?”

After a moment, Janus gave a nod.

“Aw, you like me?” Remus cooed. He wiggled his shoulders and grinned, his eyes crinkling up at the corners.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Course.”

Janus gave Remus a helplessly fond smile. “Then it’s decided. I think we could all use some sleep, then we start this evening.”

#ts fic #sanders sides #remus sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #dukeceit #platonic dukexiety #hurt/comfort

[lokigodofaces]

list of variants/timelines i want to believe exist (and probably canonically do now)

this got long so i'm putting in a cut

a world where all of the events that happened in the Framework are real

bonus if the Framework world has their own version of the Framework that is like the real world in aos

Steve fell off the train, not Bucky. bc of the crap Zola did to Bucky, he survives in ice and well, and everything happens the same but Steve and Bucky's roles are reversed

Coulson doesn't bother to keep it a secret that he's alive, and the mcu is mainly just aos but with all the main characters as well (in other words, there's mainly good writing)

also in that world Steve and Bucky love Lola

Steve doesn't go back in time to live with Peggy

to all the people claiming aos isn't canon: Sylvie just made everything canon y'all. aos absolutely happened, and while i will argue that it happened in the main timeline, if you don't want to believe that it still happened in a timeline

Bucky didn't remember Steve soon enough, not until he killed Steve

Steve killed the Winter Soldier and didn't know who it was until he removed the mask

Hydra didn't hunt down Jiaying and by extent Daisy, so Daisy was raised by Jiaying and Cal who are not crazy bc they didn't have the same experiences they did in the main timeline

Thor never takes the others to Jotunheim, so Loki never learns he is Jotun

Fitz didn't survive almost drowning

Ward wasn't recruited by Garrett, but by literally any non-Hydra agent so he is a good guy

Coulson and May listened to the agent telling them to not send May in at Bahrain, heaven knows what happens there

the government gives the Avengers more than a week to go through the Accords, so they all get to the enhanced-people-have-to-wear-trackers, giant-underwater-prison, enhanced-operatives-can't-investigate-politicians, no-trial-for-enhanced, no-investigation-for-enhanced, etc sections so they all decide to not sign and just don't care what the government says

this is random, but i feel like Bucky as Ghost Rider would be a cool aesthetic.

the Avengers meet Robbie bc he keeps assassinating their targets bc they're targets of Ghost Rider's

Daisy dies instead of Lincoln

Daisy kills Lash before he can save her

Loki never "dies," so he is sent back to Asgardian prison after tdw

Radcliffe never reads the Darkhold, he just gave it to AIDA, so most of s4 doesn't happen

Dreykov comes after Natasha between Avengers and CACW, leading to the Avengers beating his *ss (like Yelena said, the god from space doesn't need an ibuprofen after a fight)

everything's the same but no Joss Whedon going on and on about Natasha not being able to have kids

whatever ship scenario you have is canon now

Loki gets all panicky after the Hulk beats him to a pulp, having now realized what he's done. Thor believes him, and this leads to Thanos being killed in 2012-13

Deadpool sits in the back of everything, shouting comments like "Yay! Superhero landing! But don't do that, it's bad for your knees!"

Peter Parker's parents never die

the Cavalry is an Avenger

Yondu brings Peter Quill to Ego, causing the universe's destruction

Gamora and Nebula get along their entire lives

Gamora and Nebula switch roles (Gamora becomes the cyborg, Nebula the guardian and Thanos's favorite daughter)

Heimdall actually bothers to look for Loki, seeing if they can find his body for a funeral, to find that he is being tortured by Thanos. Odin refuses to send anyone to save him, making Thor realize just how awful he is. Thor, Sif, and Warriors 3 go with the help of Heimdall to save Loki

Odin and Frigga are actually good parents, creating the most iconic trio ever

tw suicide for the next bullet point

Bucky commits suicide between TWS and CACW (Sebastian said in an interview once that Bucky was suicidal)

Loki keeps coming back as DB Cooper for fun or bc he keeps losing bets

the Eternals did interfere

the shrapnel kills Tony

this one thing i made about Mr Rogers adopting Loki

Robbie is part of the Avengers in 2012, but when he sees Loki he immediately says that Loki isn't the issue and goes off to fight Thanos single handedly (and wins)

for whatever reason Coulson and May do legally adopt all the Bus Kids

Hunter and Bobbi both go to break Fitz out of prison, and they stick around for the rest of the season

Fitz and Jemma never meet (saddest of sad days)

Loki for some reason is in FFH and he sees Mysterio's illusions and just laughs bc he's such an amateur

everything's the same, everyone's just obsessed with classical music and it's constantly playing so i get happy watching it

Asgardians are like the elves in LOTR (books, not the movies), so they're constantly singing and dancing and all

Loki is shown playing a Norse flute-like instrument (we know they exist, we've found them, they're different than your typical flute and we don't really know how they sound but i want Loki to be a flautist and no i'm not not projecting (note the double negative) and yes i headcanon Loki to be a flautist i don't care what anyone says)

everyone gets therapy

someone (Monica or Jimmy) hits Hayward on the head, knocking him out (the same way Gandalf knocked out Denethor in ROTK when Denethor told everyone to flee) and the rest of SWORD works with them because clearly Hayward has issues

Stephen commits to not texting and driving

somehow Luis becomes He Who Remains just for one timeline so the entire story is told like how he tells his flashbacks

Coulson doesn't help Fury and Carol escape

T'Challa does not survive and M'Baku becomes Black Panther

the suit in Iron Man 3 is not garbage the entire movie

Tony doesn't find a way to save himself in time

Ross dies in Incredible Hulk

Loki has a pet flerken he just always carries around

by the same logic, Bucky has a kitten he meets between TWS and CACW that he always carries around. said kitten attacks people when they attack Bucky

Bucky becomes Captain America instead of Sam

when Thor goes back to 2013 Asgard, he drags Loki with him back to 2023

Clint tests the time travel by going to Sokovia and drags Pietro back with him

Steve comes back an old man, but they use Bruce's attempt at time travel to turn him back into the 30 something Steve he was

literally anything happens other than Thanos killing Loki bc Loki only used knives when he isn't even tall enough to reach Thanos's neck

Sam and Bucky straight up kill Walker

Daisy never goes through terrigenesis

Loki somehow ends up a tutor for Daisy

Bucky joins the aos team after they find him on the run from Hydra

Bucky plays baritone saxophone bc bari saxes are awesome and it adds nothing to the plot but he spends at least half an hour in each movie playing bari sax

everything's the same but John Williams is the composer

S.H.I.E.L.D. uses GH-325 to revive a bunch of composers (Mozart, Dvorak, Beethoven, Bach, Bizet, Holst, y'know, all my guys) because they for whatever reason have their bodies because of some wack mission. and now they have a bunch of classical composers alive who insist on writing more music. and what are you going to do, tell Bach to stop composing?

by that same logic, someone working at the Guest House decides to steal Freddie Mercury's body so that they can revive him bc he just loves Queen that much

Thor realizes how awful Odin is and makes it his goal to get revenge for what Odin did to his little brother

Thor meets a bunch of Loki variants (most notably gator Loki) and just decides to stop questioning anything ever

Mobius teaches Loki how to ride a jet ski

Loki arrives at S.H.I.E.L.D. and informs everyone he wants to go to school and learn about politics and run for president and S.H.I.E.L.D. is like "okay whatever just don't tell anyone you're a literal god" but have no way to stop Loki from telling anyone

y'know the "shot heard 'round the world" thing from the Battle of Lexington (first battle in American revolution, if you don't know what it is, we have no clue who made the first shot & both sides were telling their troops to not fire. once that shot was fired the battle broke out)? yeah well that was Loki i'm pretty sure

Loki comes to Earth and becomes an Avenger and all but only ever introduces himself as DB Cooper. Thor doesn't ever come to Earth, so everyone just thinks DB Cooper found the secret to not age and just showed up to save people. he disappears for stretches of time & everyone stops being confused bc he was in hiding for decades of course no one's gonna find him (he is actually on Asgard)

#iron man (2008) #thor (2011) #captain america: the first avenger (2011) #the avengers (2012) #thor: the dark world (2013) #captain america: the winter soldier (2014) #guardians of the galaxy (2014) #avengers: age of ultron (2015) #doctor strange (2016) #guardians of the galaxy vol 2 (2017) #avengers: endgame (2019) #spider-man: far from home (2019) #wandavision (2021) #captain america: civil war (2016) #loki (2021) #black widow (2021) #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. (2013 2020) #ant-man (2015) #ant-man and the wasp (2018) #captain marvel (2019) #black panther (2018) #the eternals (2021) #iron man 3 (2013) #iron man 2 (2010) #the incredible hulk (2010) #avengers: infinity war (2018) #the falcon and the winter soldier (2021)

[lazywriter7]

Cap-Ironman Rec Week - What-If Wednesday

It’s time to rec some Steve/Tony AUs for @cap-ironman​‘s What If Wednesday! If you loved these stories half as much as I did, please shower the authors with kudos and comments <3 

Underground by Margo_Kim:

Five years ago, Thor's Chitauri army decimated the Earth. Now what's left of humanity lives in bases under the Earth's surface, safe from the toxic atmosphere. Tony likes to think that humanity's adapted pretty well. After all, they have movie nights and dances; they're doing better than could be expected. But when he learns that the little world of safety and stability they've carved out is about to be slowly but surely destroyed, the New York Underground is left with only two options--fight or flight. Tony knows which one he wants. If only Steve weren't on the exact opposite side. Meanwhile, Natasha wants whatever option will save Clint, Pepper wants whatever option will save the base, Maria Hill wants whatever option will save everybody, and nobody's exactly sure who Loki's trying to save, but everyone's hoping it's more than just himself.

~ Apocalypse!AU. This fic reads like a movie, with all of the dramatic tension, an excellent ensemble cast, beautiful Steve/Tony moments and a breathtaking climax that’s everything you could ever want from a story like this. (With bonus phenomenal Loki moments, if that’s your kind of thing ;) )

ceaselessly into the past by shepherd:

Edge of Tomorrow/Live.Die.Repeat AU, following the movie. After earth is invaded by the Chitauri, Tony Stark is forcefully drafted into the military for a suicide mission. It ends up with him being inexplicably caught in a time loop that always seems to end with him dying horrifically. And, of course, the day was a Thursday- he had never gotten the hang of Thursdays.

~ Movie AUs/fusions are the Best Thing, especially if they’re half as well written as this one! I hadn’t watched the movie before reading the fic, and goddamn if it didn’t stun me with it’s excellent character-driven writing. Even after watching the movie, I can attest that none of it feels forced, but like Steve and Tony were meant to live, die and fall in love in this manner <3

Pulse and Beat series by sineala:

Cassino, Italy, December 1943. Special Agent Tony Stark, former Marvels adventurer, is sent to investigate a Cosmic Cube found by the Invaders -- and it's the perfect opportunity for him to rekindle his secret romance with Steve Rogers. But when Hydra attempts to steal the Cube, an inadvertent wish for help leads to the appearance of a Tony from the future of another world: Director Stark of SHIELD. This Tony is a man with a lot on his mind. He refuses to tell them anything about the future, but he seems to know much more than he should about Captain America. And something's happened that's clearly killing him inside, but he's not talking. When Director Stark's failed attempt to return home leads to the unexpected appearance of another visitor from his universe, all the lies come undone. Now there are two wars to fight, and the second one could ruin all of them.

~ If you’re thinking that no one needs to be told to read Sineala’s fics - well let me just say that this is one of my absolute favourite of their works and it hasn’t gotten nearly as much acclaim as it deserves! A fantastic canon-divergence Noir/616 crossover AU for the ages, with a sprinkling of 616 Civil War fix-it to really get you going.

strays by theappleppielifestyle:

Tony will take whatever he can get from Steve, which is pathetic, because he’s not even really friends with him.

Or, the highschool!AU where Pepper is Tony's much-needed therapist, Darcy is his parter in crime, Bruce needs to go through puberty, Clint shows up to school with bruises and Steve just wants everyone to get through this intact.

~ Highschool AUs are my secret Kryptonite - there’s just something about the emotional vulnerability of characters that age that get me sniffling. Again, no one needs to be told to read theappleppielifestyle‘s fics, but this is another one of those soft, sweet, poignant reads that deserves all of the attention in the world.

The Idiot Box by Margo_Kim:

Stephanie Rogers isn't happy to be in the 21st century, but she's even less thrilled to be on a team with Antonia Stark who seems as spoiled and self-centered as people come. She and Tony do their best to ignore each other, until their mutual insomnia causes them to bond over the new American pastime: late night television watching.

~ this author’s AU’s are just *chef’s kiss*. Featuring cis!female Steph and Tony, with some touching dynamics and laugh-out-loud moments, this is an MCU fic written pre-Avengers, which is a bit of a lovely rarity all by itself.

I’ve got you under my skin by sirona:

Five times Beijing 2008 Olympics Gold Medalist Tony Stark thinks it's going to be no more difficult a job to get ready for London 2012, than what he has just achieved. That is, of course, before Coach Fury comes to visit, and offers him a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be a part of something much bigger than himself. Swimming AU. 

~ No AU reclist is complete without a Sports!AU :D The characters here read as authentic to their canon selves, even as they’re participating in competitive sports rather than beating up bad guys - Tony’s arc in particular is really heartwarming <3

Look here, look back, look ahead by marinarusalka:

September, 1941: Returning from a mission as Iron Man, Tony Stark crash-lands in the Carpathian Mountains and is rescued by Captain America. The two heroes team up to investigate Nazi activity at a mysterious castle. But Captain America is keeping secrets that could destroy their new partnership before it has a chance to begin.

~ Some lovely, lovely IM Noir canon divergence AU <3 It also comes bundled with identity porn, and Noir verse is just such a delightful verse to soak in that you all should really go read this at once.

And finally a self-rec or two-

Even Though We Know Love’s Landscape:

But at the core, he’s the same brand of poor little rich guy that dot the shadowed corners of every charity gala, every award function. Sure, maybe it comes in a ‘genius billionaire playboy philanthropist’ package… but his mettle is common iron. A drop of sea water, a dash of air, and he’d rust right through.

She, on the other hand, is made of better stuff.

In which Tony compares people to weird things, Steph recites poetry and two dorks fall in love.

~ AU with cis!female Steve, with all the team living in the Tower and a bunch of feels, fluff and poetry thrown in for good measure :D 

Swing City:

“Of all the places you could go to on holiday, you had to pick the one where everything can possibly kill you.”

“I’m here on exchange, actually.” Steve returned primly. "And I’m pretty sure nothing can kill me in a gallery.”

“That’s the tragic bit. You’re in a gallery.” Sam’s tone was impressively flat, even for him. “You’re in Australia. Go hiking in the bush with the poisonous snakes. Surfing with the murderous jellyfish.”

Spoiler alert: Tony's in Australia too. And he's a swing dancer.

~ Is this a kind-of college!AU+Dancer!AU set in Australia, with Steve still as Cap? Yes, yes it is. I had a rollicking good time writing it, plus all of Steve’s Man Out of Time feels, so you’ll get no apologies from this quarter :D

#capimrecweek #stony #stevetony #fic recs #steve rogers #tony stark #mcu stony #marvel 616 #marvel noir #canon divergence #alternate universe

[unrationalthinking]

To The Past Part 1

For this story take places after endgame, wandavision, loki, and the falcon and the winter soldier except because i love the characters tony was able to receive medical attention after he snapped surviving it rogers did return the stones except the soul stone is a soul for a soul so when he returned he had Natasha with him spiderman far from home still happened sort of.

Everyone has obviously made up from civil war Bucky has given Tony his space he needs though he is trying to seek his forgiveness Tony still finds it hard but has come around on the fact he can't blame Bucky for what happened When an old enemy reappears Hydra. Realizing that they if they could change the past they could finally stop them once and for all so the head back to the 1940’s directly after shield was created and after captain crashed the plane to save the world steve also never shaved because he looks much better with the beard bucky did cut his hair steve enjoys his on the run gear more so he still wears his darker colored uniform sam never became the captain and redwing survived

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the team geared up in there uniforms the head back in time the blue prints laid out for camp Lehigh after shield took it over deciding where to enter the building via the time loop they decided they need all the help they could get in this time so they decided that peggy and howard would be first on the list they found a room the was on a lower more secure level near Howards office that would be easiest to get into for the mission. Those going on the mission were Steve, Bucky, Sam, Tony, Thor, Rocket, Groot, Natasha, Clint, Bruce, Wanada, Rhodey, and Shuri. As they geared up the team didn't speak much; they all had a common enemy and a lot of pent up feelings in the past, mostly tony steve and bucky. They all made their way to the center area for time travel hank pym and his family standing work on the computers around Scott and Hope would both be joining them in the past. Hank was proud of Tony he didn't care for Howard but Tony seemed like a good kid alot like Howard but so different at the same time. After hugs where given the all went throw the machine to the 1940’s landing in the abandoned room the choose it had worked they quietly made their way to the door peeking out they didn't see anyone the clock read 11pm but there he Was in his office Howard Stark working with a open bottle of whiskey, Tony and Steve shared a look the tension rising as the watched him work for a few minutes until there was some yelling down the hall and Peggy made her way down the hall with two men, one Tony remembered very well as Edwin Jarvis but the other he had assumed to be Daniel Sousa he had never met him but the limp and the stories he heard he assumed they all sat quietly as the made there way to Howard's office peggy ranting more like yelling at them “I don’t care if he thinks his work is to busy for this he needs to be told something has to be done besides creating a new project or finding steve's body!” as she made her way into Howards office the duct a bit not being seen she had a tear running down her cheek “HOWARD STARK” he looked up fear in his eyes as she rarely said his name like that she crossed her arms as Steve and Tony shared a knowing look about her tone everyone else had to hid there laughs though Daniel seemed to notice a strange noise they duct to stop him from seeing them and he brushed it off a bit peggy continued at howard though “Where were you today?” he Answered in a stutter “i.. I Was here working, why?” She rolled her eyes and said “ And where were you supposed to be today?” Howard took a moment and realized the date being the third year that Steve had died. He made a promise to Peggy to spend the day with her “ah… Peg im so sorry i forgot im such an idiot i should have been there.” she sniffles crying “But you weren't there three years Howard Three years since he died and you couldn't even be there for anyone you hide here working on what?” Howard lowered his head, a tear rolling down his face “I was working on a time machine to go back and stop him from crashing the plane Peg.” Rhodey let a laugh slip thinking about how much Tony was Like His dad only to realize Daniel heard it. Tony and Steve shared a grin realizing he messed up and they could hold it over him. Daniel had pulled his gun sushing everyone but Howard didn't get the hint and asked “Daniel what are you doing?” Daniel responded in a whisper “there is someone in that room right there.” as he pointed. “No there is not. I would have known I'd been here all day.” Howard responded.The avengers realizing Daniel would not let it go decided to pretend they didn't know what was happening when the door opened they were all staring in random directions while some where even whistling. Peggy Jarvis Daniel And Howard opened the door with full surprise as 15 people stood there acting like they didn't see them but Daniel raised his gun Saying “you guys are trespassing on private property hands up!” but the first to respond was Steve taking the time to joke he had recently become quite the jokester spending too much time around Tony, he looked down from

looking at the ceiling and walked to the front of the group “Hey guys so uhm, come here often?” Peggy pulled her gun on Steve “whoever you are, this is a real sick joke showing up as Captain Rodgers on his 3 year mark of his death.” It was Tony who stepped in this time “ alright let's put the guns down and let us explain who and why we are here and captain nice joke I see I'm rubbing off on you.” They all stared in shock for a minute until they decided they were out numbers and dropped their weapons “Start Explaining” Peggy said with her hands on her hips. Thor piped in with “I see why you loved her, Rogers the sas fits you perfectly.” making steve Blush and look at the ground Tony made a vomit action and started to speak “We are the Avengers we are from the future and we came back to deal with Hydra once and for all because they grow to large in the future and almost destroy the world multiple times and end up tainting Shield forcing us to remove Shield.” With that they started not believing it so Toni pulled out his holographic phone and played videos from some of their encounters and they realized they were telling the truth. Peggy looks at Steve once more “are you… are you really here?” staring in shock “yeah sorry i missed our dance, but you found yourself a better partner then me.” As he sends a knowing look at Sousa, making them both blush and Sousa become intimidated, Steve continues “Don’t worry I'm happy for you guys.”

At that Peggy ran to Steve hugging him as an old friend was crying. “We have to get to work, we need to attack Hydra now we know where they are located already, we just need the manpower.” Tony said Breaking the silence and with that Howard spoke “Can we atleast get your names? If we are working together.” Tony nods and introduces everyone pointing as he speaks about people “I am Tony Stark also known as Iron Man your son, Captain Rogers known as Captain America, Thor King of Asgard a different plant God of Thunder, Shuri princess of Wakanda more intelligent than me and you combined, Bruce Banner known as The Hulk or Professor hulk now, Rhody known as war machine also my best friend, Hope Van Dyne known as the Wasp Hank Pym's daughter, Scott long known as Ant-man dating hope pym doesn't like that, Sam Wilson The Falcon Caps Best Friend #2, Rockett he a raccoon that was a test subject in a different galaxy, Groot hes a tree, Wanda also know as scarlett Witch dont fuck with her she hates hydra more then anyone, Natasha Romanoff Known as the Black Widow russian spy likes betting up the super soldiers.” With that there was a pause to take everything in and for Tony to catch a breath as Clint from the venting shaft jumps down and says “I'm Clint Barton American Spy also known as Hawkeye though you will need to speak up sometimes I have a hard time hearing.” as there was another pause as Howard asked “you said sam is the captain's 2nd best friend? I assume I'm the First right?” chuckling a bit Tony responds “no Bucky Barnes is his 1 bestfriend.” Howard pales a bit “ Bucky died though.” at that bucky landed behind but in between Tony and Steve making the 4 people jump not expecting it as he stood a blank stare he always wore on his faces not smiling showed. Tony spoke “And Bucky Barnes also known as caps bestfriend, the now ex winter soldier know known as the white wolf of Wakanda dont fuck with him he could kill all of us in this room currently.” with that bucky smirking at Tony and Howard just looking at him paler than before anyone could respond Howard asked “The winter soldier is you? How did you survive?” bucky froze and then responded “when the 107 was taken i was tested on it helped me survive the fall Hydra found me removed my arm and gave me the super soldier serum.” there was a pause as Shuri walked up to comfort Bucky “after i had healed the scrambled my brain making me forget everything i was and trained to be a cold killer i have the memories but i wasn't in control i remember all the faces of those i killed the innocents and and the murderers i regret it but i had no control over it.” a single tear rolled down his and Tony's check as Tony hugged him finally gave his full forgiveness.

[moontheoretist]

I am watching What IF...?

Episode 1: What if... Captain Carter were the First Avenger?

You know... when I saw that it started from the breach in Captain America timeline and saw Peggy become a super soldier, I was pretty sure that Steve will resent her for what she did, because his portrayal in the First Avenger movie even before the serum indicated that he would be, just like he was of Bucky for being drafted while he was left behind. It’s canon behavior for him as far as I noticed.

What If..?’s Steve however is a better man. I dunno when exactly he changed, but he did. He doesn’t act as if he resented Peggy, and he seems quite ok with how everything turned out. Which is like, wow, I didn’t expect that. Also, Peggy has a far better story as Captain.

Like, she isn’t put into USO, she is denied being a soldier even, because she is a woman, the only thing she seems to share with Captain America is murdering punching bags and throwing stuff when angry, which is kinda a bad sign, but ok, everybody needs coping mechanisms. ANYWAY, when she learns where Hydra went, she quickly figured out what they were after, but the guy in charge (John Flynn), the same one who told her that she is a woman not a soldier, doesn’t want to send her there even though they still have a chance to get it back in time. So Howard steps in and her whole rebellion against the military is about not endangering everybody with a stupid ass decision made by a general who doesn’t get how important the cube is, instead of about saving just one man and accidentally saving 400 others by extension by literally going AWOL and endangering his friends like MCU Steve did. Everything about the mission which makes her recognized is about retrieving the Tesseract. And Howard gives her a uniform and a shield to do just that. All in British colors, because American military sucks.

(I love their “she just reaped the bars out, holy shit” faces xD)

AND THEN they go SAVE BUCKY. That makes much more sense story wise. And also Howard is showing Steve that technology can aid him when the serum now can’t, because Peggy is the super soldier instead, literally building better foundations for Steve’s attitude towards technology and the future. He will not be stuck in ice and come back for the Avengers, but at least he is getting better development not only in relation to this topic, but also to his hatred towards his body and his masculinity. Peggy still wanting him despite him being small and frail and now also disabled even more after he was shot and has to walk with a cane, literally builds in Steve the idea that his masculinity is not weak or bad, because he is not a macho muscly type and that his body isn’t something which he should hate or which makes him less than others. AND he is literally Tony now! I did suspect that the technology he got was a suit, but damn, is Steve in this universe fated to be the first Iron Man and then Tony second?

Lol, they named him “Hydra Stomper”.

And now Peggy teaches Steve the most important lesson “the Suit is nothing without the man inside”, which he as much as Tony needed to learn to finally feel free and not less than the others, because they rely on something. The only difference between Steve and Tony here is that Iron Man without Tony is truly nothing, because he made it, while Steve's suit was given to him, so anybody can technically pilot it. Anyway, I like this Steve so much more than MCU one.

(Which when I think about it now creates a pothole in the later part of the episode. Like why Hydra and Red Scull let the suit hanging instead of use it against Peggy? Why put Steve in chains next to it? It kinda looks like damseling him for literally no reason. I wonder why they didn’t kill him right away? Because what? Because he had blonde hair and blue eyes? Or what? Scull liked him? And we cannot even say it was done for the sake of Peggy saving him, because Peggy never sees Steve in chains. She went the other way, so why is he there? To save for whom? Bucky? It would be more logical if Red Scull just killed Steve and put the suit himself and fought Peggy in it to hurt her. Then at least space squid wouldn’t kill him, lol... ah wait. OH, yeah, Tesseract was inside the suit, so he just took it out. Still, he could power up the suit with something else and put one of his people inside to fight Peggy anyway, just in case she came for him).

AND OF COURSE HE HAD TO TRAGICALLY DIE WHEN I FINALLY STARTED LIKING THE WEASEL! LOL, we know what will happen next. He will become the new Winter Soldier, I suppose? If he survived the explosion.

Oh, they brought the original castle storyline back! It never appeared in the Captain America: The First Avenger, even though I personally remember a castle being a main stage for the whole “Steve sacrificed himself prelude” thing, so it’s nice to have a castle and an interdimensional portal back, instead of a plane battle.

“I am up for anything, but this is crazy”.

“And so is Steve Rogers”

Me: *wheezing*

Anyway, he survived. There is no Winter Soldier in this universe and Peggy gets lost in the portal, and she is brought back to 2012 by I suspect Project Pegasus as it is the “Loki’s arrival” scene.

I think that now, if we assume that everybody else is still present in this universe, meaning that Tony became Iron Man and all, Steve becoming a Hydra Stomper and working with Peggy gave Captain Carter an experience in fighting alongside someone in a metal suit. Plus her friendship with Howard means that she won’t have any bad disposition towards Tony and hence Avengers team will actually work better, and if there is Civil War it would be different and about something else, because Captain Carter knows her way around learning political related stuff, so she wouldn’t really kick Accords in the ass unless it was a Hydra plot. I also suppose that without her making Project Paperclip, Hydra would not infiltrate SHIELD, or someone else does that, and Captain Carter would notice something is not right with SHIELD, and she would root the Hydra out herself.

Also, I wanna point out that the scene in which Peggy is shown to be “smarter than Howard” is there only to establish the difference between her and MCU Steve Rogers, who doesn’t know shit about technology. It’s not that Howard isn’t smart anymore. He is a civilian, who is not a brawling type, in a room with a huge octopus which crushed Red Scull like a wooden stick. It stands to reason that he would be panicked enough to not be able to articulate properly. It also establishes that no “it runs on some kind of electricity” will happen in this universe during the Avengers storyline, where she ends by the end of the episode. It comes out a little out of the blue, that’s true, but this is not a line which only “genius” or “science type” can say. It’s just a typical sci-fi approach to the problem with anything, which also sounds smart at the same time. She could even take it out from a sci-fi novel. But I agree that they didn’t establish where that knowledge comes from in any of the previous scenes.

Episode 2: What if... T’Challa became a Star-Lord?

Lol, a vastly different reaction xD

And this was the moment when young T’Challa thought, “who needs to tell their baba that they’re going into space, anyway?” and just went and disappeared. I don’t even wanna know what Wakanda did after the prince vanished. Though it means that Shuri can become a queen and the Black Panther now, HELL YEAH!

And this is the proof that anybody who says that we have to murder someone else to “save the planet” from overpopulation is wrong. (Because they are wrong, just go and check studies about that). T’Challa just showed Thanos the benefits of equal share of the resources and saved the universe with logic and diplomacy.

And my hopes for Queen Shuri just went out the window. BTW, why Nebula turned into a living example of “blue space babe” (from feminist studies which pointed out that alien women are just human women painted colors and shown in sexy clothes or portrayed as dancers and prostitutes for the benefit of the male gaze). She got sexy hair, sexy dress, and she is later shown to be some kind of spy by the clothes she wears and her general attitude. She reminds me so much of Natasha that I am tempted to say she is a sexy spy cliché.

It’s kind of degrading after the whole episode which centered around a woman being denied being a soldier, which in the whole militaristic and male dominated setting was pretty much conveying feminist messages, while here in another male dominated setting we have only two women shown with any lines and one of them is Nebula sexy spy. It just comes across weird after the previous episode, tbh.

She even speaks like Natasha from the MCU... and she betrays just like our dear russian friend, Natasha. Anyway, it looks like Queen Shuri is still on the table! Wakanda prevails! It was not destroyed!

Ok, nevermind. She is a space Black Widow, but in this way that she plays every side just like Natasha does. Apparently... betrayal was part of the plan, lol. What is with this idea that women named with a name starting with N are good spies in this universe?

Carina the badass! GO CARINA! SHOW THEM!

At least in this universe, she doesn’t foolishly die for “drama”. Or, in MCU’s case, for exposition to show “what happens to those who touch the infinity stone”. I gotta say, her revenge was sweet.

#what if...? #what if...? spoilers #peggy carter #bucky barnes #nebula #t'challa #thanos #mcu steve rogers critical #what if...? steve rogers rulez #mcu critical #feminism #why did you have to sexualize Nebula to make her second Natasha?

[thosekidswhohuntmonsters]

True Self

Summary: Thor wishes that you could see yourself how Loki saw you, maybe then you'd realize how much you'd meant to him. It was as if everyone on the team could tell Loki was madly in love with you, except you.

Word Count: 5383

Rating: absolute filth 18+

Warnings: dirty talk, bad language, sexual themes

Authors note: this has 2012 every one is friends and loves each other avengers vibes™️ and to be honest, we need that right about now. 

♡if you enjoy this fic you’re welcome to leave a reblog/like/comment! feedback is not only welcomed but encouraged!♡

You were currently sitting in the living room of Stark Towers, for once all of you were able to enjoy a free day. Things were slow and before they got to 100 miles per hour again, you all were determined to enjoy it...even The God Of Mischief.

Loki was still relatively new to your group, and only you and Thor seemed to be able to get along with him. You didn’t know what it was, but when it came to Loki you just couldn’t help yourself.

Maybe it was the beautiful contrast between his pale skin and raven hair, or the way his intense blue eyes seemed to stare into your soul. It could be that infamous smirk of his, and how good it felt to be the cause of it.

Whatever it was, you had it bad. It wasn’t that you were inexperienced, but rather just shy...and the man was a god. You were just a mere mortal who happened to be able kick ass, but you didn’t have any special powers.

These types of thoughts stopped you from letting your feelings be known, but that didn’t mean your friends remained in the dark about them. Everyone seemed to pick up on them, even Thor himself.

Thor had become an extremely close friend to you, and you embraced each other's positivity and good heartedness. Whenever he saw the affect his brother had over you he would just laugh, “ I don’t understand you mortals, why do you hide your feelings?”.

You would just roll your eyes, “ Easier said than done coming from a literal god...I’m just me..”. His mood would shift when he heard you talk badly about yourself, it saddened him. He wished so badly for you to see yourself the way others saw you..the way his brother saw you.

Trust and friendship did not come easily to Loki, but they came easily with you. That was a miracle in itself, and Thor hated that you couldn’t realize it. Thor would turn to face you, always making sure you looked into his eyes for this was a serious matter.

He’d place a hand on your shoulder, “ A title like that means nothing, it is your actions that define you nothing else. Your actions make you a remarkable woman (y/n), it is a great misfortune that you cannot see that...at least my brother does”.

With that he would leave you alone with your thoughts, refusing to meddle any further. Thor loved you deeply, and he knew how lucky he was to have a friend like you.

Knowing that someone like you cared for his brother filled him with immense joy, if only you would act on your feelings. Despite what Thor told you, it was hard to see yourself how he saw you.

Currently you were in the kitchen talking with Steve and Bucky while the rest of the group hung out in the living room. Both the boys were arguing over who could make the best grilled cheese.

Bucky claiming that Steve “might’ve been frozen too long because his memory is damn wrong”. You sat there on one of the countertops, enjoying the bickering and teasing. Steve rolled his eyes, but laughed at Bucky’s comment.

He pointed the spatula at him, “ You and I both know I make the best grilled cheese in all of Brooklyn, Buck”. God they could argue over anything, but it was always lighthearted topics.

Things like, “ Who rode the Thunderbolt longest at Coney Island as kids” or even, “Who knew episodes of The Lone Ranger better”. You were just thankful that there was never any real fights between them.

Bucky was already getting the cheese and butter out of the fridge, “ Maybe that’s what you tell yourself to sleep at night…”. You laughed loudly at that, he was getting so into this. Steve grabbed the bread and pans, placing them next to the stove.

Suddenly both men turned to you, and you already knew what they were going to ask. Bucky spoke up first, “Why don’t we have our little (y/n) here be the judge!”. In hopes to get you on his side he finished his sentence with a wink.

Steve rolled his eyes, “ You’re barking up the wrong tree Buck, we both know who (y/n) has her eyes on”. You watched the smirk form upon Bucky’s lips, remembering your apparent crush for a certain Asgardian.

Trying to keep your cool you said, “ Right now I’d rather have my eyes on the best grilled cheese in all of New York, if either of you fools can make it”. They both pretended to be hurt by your comment, but the smirk only left Bucky’s face for a moment.

He raised an eyebrow, “ So what does it for you? The dark hair...the accent...his huge-”. Steve slapped Bucky behind the head, stopping his friend while he was ahead.

Bucky put his hands up defensively, “ I was going to say scepter, Captain Dirtymind”. Once again you found yourself laughing, you were lucky to have the friends you did. As if on cue Loki walked into the kitchen, maybe he was the god of bad timing.

Based off of the knowing glances both super soldiers were giving you, you were already blushing before Loki even said anything. He walked over to you with a book in his hand, “ Hello love, hungry are we?”.

You stood there for a moment without saying anything, your mind automatically drifting to more dirtier places. The sound of Bucky holding back a giggle behind you brought you back.

Smiling you said, “ I was going to see which one of these idiots could make the better grilled cheese”. You turned around briefly shooting daggers at both men, while they stood there smirking.

Since you were turned around you couldn’t see the smirk plastered across Loki’s face. He knew full well the innuendo he’d just said, and he knew why Bucky was laughing.

Loki questionably repeated the word, “ Grilled cheese?”. And you smiled realizing he had no idea what that meant. Steve spoke up, “ It’s a type of food here, that I just so happen to be the best at making”. For affect he turned to Bucky, a smug look plastered across his face.

You were eager to change topics, “ How’s the book coming along, do you like it?”. Loki shared your love of reading, and you’d actually got him to start reading one of your favorite books.

You’d given him your personal copy of, “ Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut” will all your favorite quotes underlined. He smiled, “ American authors write quite differently than Asgardians, I’m afraid most references go over my head”.

He watched that beautiful smile of yours fade away, and realized what he said might’ve come across wrong. Quickly he added, “ Would you mind explaining some of it too me love?”. Watching your smile form again made him just as happy, although he kept that to himself.

You got so excited, “ Are you sure?! I don’t want to bore you and-”. Loki laughed lightly knowing that was something you could never do. Holding your gaze he said, “ I find your passion for things quite intriguing darling”.

His words sent shivers down your spine, especially when he called you things like “love” or “darling”. Smiling you asked, “Usual place and usual time or for once will you actually get some sleep?”.

Loki laughed at your little joke, a smile forming upon his own lips. Before turning to exit the kitchen he said, “ I was thinking my room would be better, that way I can finally share one of my favorites with you”.

You nodded your head, way too excited for words to form. Once again he smirked, the effect he had over you was so thrilling for him. With that, he was gone, off to wander the halls until you’d find him later.

As you turned around you saw both Steve and Bucky smirking again. Steve smiled, “Usual place..usual time?”. You mentally slapped yourself for letting them hear that.

Bucky raised his eyebrows suggestively, “ Oh no Steve, he wants to show her something in his room maybe his-”. Once again Steve slapped Bucky behind the head, not wanting this teasing to make you feel too uncomfortable.

Bucky nodded his head, “Okay that time I wasn’t going to say scepter”. This caused you and Steve to crack up laughing. Steve’s expression softened, “I think he really cares for you (y/n) I mean have you ever seen him be that inviting with any of us?”.

Steve had a valid point, it did take a lot for Loki to open up. Thinking out loud you said, “Maybe Thor is right…”. Both men looked to each other, and then back at you. Bucky’s eyes widened, “ Doll don’t tell me HIS OWN BROTHER said he had feelings for you!!”.

You hushed Bucky, not wanting the rest of the group to hear what you’d been talking about. Steve spoke up, “If Thor said something to you (y/n) then it has to be true..he knows his brother better than anyone”.

You started to blush finding yourself finally seeing the truth in Thor’s words. Looking up you said, “Okay maybe Thor has mentioned it a couple times but-”. Bucky’s jaw dropped, and Steve was just as shocked.

Bucky looked at you, “ But what?! Please don’t tell me it’s what I think it is..”. You avoided his gaze, letting him know what he was thinking was right. Steve knew what it was too, “You have no reason to be insecure (y/n), you’re one of the most incredible women I know”.

Bucky walked over to you, taking your hand in his. He made you do a spin, “ You’re a bombshell doll, start to believe it”. Once again you found yourself smiling and thanking the universe for putting these people into your life.

Steve added, “ We love you and we wouldn’t lie to you, you have NO reason to be the slightest bit insecure...you don’t realize the way he looks at you”. You were confused, and raised an eyebrow.

Bucky rolled his eyes, “ Doll the way he smirks at you is sinful, I only know because I’ve been known to give a couple special women that look myself”. Rolling your eyes you ignored the second part of his comment.

He continued, “ I know desire (y/n), and it’s in his eyes everytime he looks at you”. This many of your closest friends wouldn’t give you false confidence, so what they were saying had to be true.

Smiling you said, “ I love you guys, and I promise I’ll judge your contest later, I have to go get ready”. Bucky cheered while Steve stood there with a look of happiness all over his face. Finally his best friend was going to get the love she deserved.

You quickly left the room which meant you couldn’t see the stares the rest of the room had given Bucky from his cheering. Clint casually said, “ Is (y/n) finally going to make a move on Horns?”.

Bucky nodded his head to which Nat responded with, “ Finally...by the way Stark you owe me $20”. Tony grumbled but handed Natasha the money, causing the room to look at her confusingly.

She smirked, “ What? Tony said it would take (y/n) another month, and I guessed it would be by the end of this week”.  Steve gave Nat his best, “disappointed dad” look.

Sam grinned, “ Look the money was going towards a good cause, and Barnes you owe me $15”. Steve looked to his best friend, who pulled out the money from his pocket. Shocked Steve asked, “ You too?”.

Bucky shrugged his shoulders, “ Hey at the end of the day (y/n)’s the one getting laid, so who cares”. Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, god his friends were idiots...but their good intentions made up for it.

After the kitchen you went directly to your room, wanting to quickly get ready to meet with Loki later. You weren’t going crazy, not even wearing makeup, but you did wanna freshen up.

Before you’d shower you wanted to pick out your clothes for meeting him. You knew green was his favorite color, and man did you have a surprise for him. Nat had insisted you’d buy this dark green bra and panty set.

It was a mixture of green lace patterns and see through mesh. The underwear were high-waisted, but the see through mesh showed a lot of skin tastefully. It showed off your curves beautifully.

You decided that for clothes you would go the simple route. A pair of leggings and a white off the shoulder top, simple but beautiful. You wore your favorite necklace, it had been a gift from Steve.

Surprisingly it was a gold choker with about five stars that dangeled. You loved that he had taken the time to pick it out, giving you proof that chivalry wasn’t dead. Of course feetwise you’d only be wearing a pair of your favorite fuzzy socks.

Loki always found them amusing from the first night he saw you wandering the halls wearing them. You’d had a cup of tea in one hand, and a book in the other. Your hair had been tied up, but strands still covered your face.

He loved how disheveled you look, truth be told his mind drifted immediately. When you noticed him you smiled, “ Can’t sleep either?”.

Loki never forgot how you weren’t scared of him, or cold, like everyone else had been. You were kind and inviting, something he wasn’t used to. Smiling he answered, “ I’m afraid I never get much sleep love”.

Raising a brow you asked, “ Why is that?”. You seemed so concerned for him, something else he hadn’t expected. Walking closer to you he pointed to his head, “ Nightmares, strange how no bit of magic can seem to cure them”.

You stepped closer to him as well, “ Well I’m guessing wandering around alone at night doesn’t help...I always need to be with someone when I get them”. His expression softened, was this an offer?

You added, “ Buck’s the same way...total cuddler...but don’t let him know I told you he’d kill me”. Loki laughed softly, you were already so trusting. He said, “ Well that must make you a good lover”.

You snorted...lover that was a hilarious idea. He looked confused so you explained, “Bucky’s one of my best friends..I love him but not like that”. As you spoke you found yourself walking closer to him.

He raised an eyebrow, “Are there that many types of love for you Midgardians?”. That was when you remembered how tough Loki’s life had been, you doubted he knew any type of love.

Smiling you said, “If you’re one of us there is...and you seem to be working on it”. As he listened to you a smile formed upon his lips. Talking to you was like a breath of fresh air.

You added, “ If you ever want to wander the halls together I wouldn’t mind”. You never understood how you were so daring, but maybe it had to do with the fact that it was the middle of the night.

Loki smiled again, “ I’ll have to take you up on that offer, but I can tell that tonight you desire sleep”. You were extremely tired, and talking to him had calmed your nerves. With a glimmer in your eyes you responded with, “ You better be serious Loki”.

He laughed lightly, “ I shall come find you tomorrow night love, I promise”. To some a promise from the God of Mischief probably meant nothing, but you trusted him. Smirking you said, “ And if you break it I’m afraid you’ll be too dead for sleep anyways”.

You parted your separate ways, but not before seeing a smirk form upon his lips. Loki thought to himself, “ Oh this one shall be fun”. That was the start of whatever was currently happening between you both.

After laying out your clothes you jumped into the shower. The warm water felt wonderful on your skin, calming any nerves you had. You lathered yourself up with your favorite body wash; a mixture of lavender and lilac.

You made sure that every part of your body was freshly shaven and soft. Your hair looked extremely silky and smelt heavenly. This all made you feel extremely beautiful.

By the time you were actually ready an over hour had passed. As you looked at yourself in the mirror you smiled, being you was good enough. For once, you confidently made your way towards Loki’s room.

So many thoughts filled your head that you’d become distracted. While turning the corner you knocked into a very strong body, as you looked up you realized it was Thor. With ease he lifted you up, “ Sorry (y/n), you seem quite distracted though..”.

He took in your appearance and smiled when he noticed your socks. Smirking he asked, “Going to find my brother are you?”. You blushed wondering how he’d known, what could’ve given it away?

With a hearty laugh he explained, “My brother had mentioned his love for your...fuzzy socks?”. Looking down at your feet you smiled, and Thor realized he had gotten the work right. He added, “ Steve also told me of your encounter earlier in the kitchen”.

Looking up at Thor you smiled, “Loki said he wanted to share one of his favorite books with me”. Thor’s smile only grew, that was a big thing for his brother. Quickly you added, “I finally trust what you’ve been telling me Thor..that he cares for me”.

His eyes lit up when he realized what you’d said. Taking your hand in his he said, “ It warms me to know that you finally see your true self”. You hugged Thor, and smiled when he wrapped his arms around you.

Softly you said, “ Thank you for not giving up on me”. Thor only hugged you tighter, wanting his love to be known. When he let you go he said one last thing, “Thank you for not giving up on my brother”.

You continued to make your way towards Loki’s room, your heart now filled with love. You knocked on the door to which Loki said, “ Come in love”. Loki’s room was not what you’d thought it would be.

It was extremely simple, the more extravagant things being his extensive bookshelf, and overlook of the city. Instantly you walked over to the huge window, staring out into the night.

You would’ve forgotten where you were had he not come up behind you, “ Beautiful isn’t it?”. As you turned your head you realized he was standing directly next to you, shoulders touching.

He continued, “ I didn’t expect to find it so enchanting, but there’s so much more complexity here than Asgard”. You’d never been to Asgard, but from what Thor had told you it seemed beautiful.

Reading your mind he said, “Asgard is beautiful, but Midgard is so free..people aren’t just confined to one single planet”. You’d never thought of it like that, the only people to travel in Asgard had to be high authority.

Turning to him you said, “ I guess my escape is reading, which I’m guessing you share”. As he looked at you, he smiled again. He walked over to his bookshelf, “ When I was confined to my cell reading kept me sane...as sane as I could be”.

You followed him, “ I can’t imagine the toll that must’ve had on you Loki..”. No one had ever had that reaction, no one had ever considered his burdens. His fingers skimmed the books before finding the one he wanted.

Still not facing you he said, “ The price to pay for the crimes I’ve committed I assume”. When he finally turned around to look at you, immediately you saw the hurt in his eyes.

Walking closer to him you said, “ To live your entire life feeling like there was this part of you that made you not belong is an awful thing to go through”. His lips parted, but no words came out.

You continued, “Not to overstep my boundaries, but I don’t agree with a lot of things the All-father has done. He should’ve never hid the truth from you, or pin you against Thor, it shouldn’t be the case that only one can rule...but despite all this Loki I don’t think you’ve become an awful person”.

He thought he might drop the book he’d been holding, no one had ever spoken to him like this. It was like you were reading his thoughts, looking at what hurt him the most.

For once Loki struggled to find words, “ I didn’t think anyone could look past the awful things I’ve done”. Without even realizing he’d been walking towards you.

Holding his gaze you said, “You’ve made mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you should be condemned for them...people can always grow”. You shared such a unique perspective on life, and he now saw why Thor liked you so much.

Laughing softly he said, “If only others shared the same outlook that you do...the world would be different”. By now you were only a foot or so from each other, the closest you’d ever been.

Loki noticed you biting your lip, “ What is troubling you (y/n)?”. You had heard that Loki had a true form and you often wondered what it looked like. You didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

Taking a step closer to him you asked, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable Loki, but I’ve often wondered what your true form looks like..if you don’t want to show me I won’t be hurt”.

From everything you’d been through, he trusted you. He took your hands in his, their coolness refreshing. Loki softly said, “ Close your eyes love”. No matter how much he trusted you, he was scared you wouldn’t like his true form.

A moment later he asked you to open your eyes, and you were mesmerized. His skin was a beautiful dark blue with light blue patterns all over it, his eyes a deep shade of red.

Instinctually you started to trace the pattern on his neck, and blushed when you realized what you’d done. Blushing you said, “I’m sorry..it’s just...your skin is so beautiful..”. His jaw dropped, beautiful?

Raising an eyebrow he asked, “ You don’t find me frightening?”.  You couldn’t help but giggle, how could he be frightening? Smiling you said, “ Loki that’s the last thing I’d ever think of you”.

You watched him process your words, seeing him smile when he finally trusted them. You added, “ If you felt comfortable enough you could remain in your true form every time you’re around me”.

His smile grew, “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known (y/n)”. Holding his gaze was too much, so you turned your head to the side. He placed two fingers under your chin, turning you head to him.

Now that you held his gaze he said, “I care deeply for you (y/n) and now I know you feel the same”. You wanted to faint, he admitted his feelings for you. You no longer felt nervous, you were ready.

Placing a hand on his chest you said, “ I love you Loki, for who you are”. He moved his hands to rest on your hips, bringing your body closer to his. Leaning forward he kissed you passionately, his grip on your hips pressing your body into his.

You eased into the kiss, moving on hand to grip his hair on the back of his neck. Just as soon as it had started Loki stopped it, “ I didn’t mean to be so forward love...I just-”.

Smirking you asked, “ I thought the god of Mischief always took what he wanted”. You watched his lips shift into a smirk, and there was a different look in his eyes.

Loki looked at you like you a predator looks at prey, and it made you core ache. His voice was low, “Are you teasing me my pet?”. The way his words rolled off his tongue made you want to moan.

He began to kiss slowly up your neck, taking his time. Loki wanted to leave his mark on you, let the world know he loved you and you were his. He began to nibble on the area below your ear, “I do love you (y/n)”.

Loki began to kiss back down your neck, “ I love the way your breath hitches when I find the slightest ways to touch you..the way your eyes seem to beg me to claim you as mine..is that what you want darling?”.  

By now Loki had picked you up, carrying you to his bed. He laid you on your back, and hovered over you by propping himself up with his elbow.

Loki helped you take off your shirt, “Do you want everyone to know that you are mine? That those pretty noises coming out from your lips are my doing?”. You were already so needy, and he had barely been touching you.

When Loki noticed what you’d been wearing under your clothes he groaned loudly, licking his lips. His smirk was sinful, “You shall be the death of me love”. You sat there, anticipation stopping you from saying anything else.

Loki snapped his fingers, “ Normally I’d love to rip your clothes off of you, but I’m afraid you’ve made me very impatient”. Not only were you left in your undergarments, but Loki was now only left in his.

The light blue patterns continued all over his chest and legs, and you were mesmerized. Bringing a hand to his chest you traced the patterns once again, and for a moment love replaced the lust in his eyes.

Loki couldn’t contain himself anymore, he picked you up once again making you straddle him. His back pressed against the headboard, and his hands on your hips. Looking down at him you said, “I think I can work with impatience”.

Once again he brought his lips to yours, kissing you fervorously. You couldn’t help but grind yourself against him, causing him to moan throughout the kiss.

Loki moved his hands to undo your bra, letting it fall slowly off your body. Without hesitation he brought his mouth to suck on one breast, his hand massaging the other.

He teased your sensitive nipples by dragging them lightly between his teeth, and then flicking them with his tongue. Moaning you begged, “ Loki please I need more”.

He moved his free hand down to tease your clit through the fabric of your panties, his cold fingers an amazing contrast to the heat of your area. Loki moaned realizing how wet you were, “These are soaked darling, such a good little girl”.

You began to grind yourself against his fingers, needing any sort of friction. Loki laughed softly, “So needy for me”. With a snap of his fingers nothing separated your bodies anymore.

He teased you further by rubbing circles around your clit, his cold fingers sending shivers down your spine. Moaning loudly you said, “That feels...so..good”.

Had your eyes not been closed you would’ve seen his smirk, “ Perks of being a Frost Giant darling”. The coldness seemed to tease you more, and you’d never felt anything like it.

It made you so needy, “ Please Loki I-”. He stopped what he was doing with his hand, and you finally felt his hard member pressing against you.

Loki smirked when he saw you taking in his size, “That’s just a perk of being me love”. So Bucky was right...he did have a huge...scepter. Everything about the man was amazing.

You brought your hand down to slowly pump him, “ What happened to impatience love”. Loki smiled hearing you tease him, mocking his tone.

You moved your body down, your face inches from his member. No sly comment left his lips, he needed you just as badly as you needed him. Slowly you licked up his member, watching his pupils dilate.

When you got to his tip you flicked your tongue over it causing his breath to hitch. Finally you took him into your mouth, taking as much as you could. Loki moaned loudly feeling himself hit the back of your throat.

To his dismay you changed positions. Now you moved your mouth to lick the underneath of his balls, knowing that it was a very sensitive area. Loki moaned, his eyes rolling into the back of his head.

It was your turn to smirk sinfully, and it felt good. You moved to take him into your mouth again but Loki pulled your body up. His voice was needy, “If you do that again this will be over before it has begun”.

With one hand Loki slowly pressed himself up and down your slit, “And it’s much more pleasurable this way”. His eyes seemed to search yours for any remaining doubts, he didn’t want to rush you.

You took his face in both your hands, “Loki I am yours”. That was all he needed to hear, slowly he inserted himself inside of you. Your walls stretched around him, causing you both to moan.

You started to bounce up and down, loving the feeling of him going in and out of you. Loki moved his hands to your hips again, guiding you. He moved you forward and backward, riding him.

In between thrusts he said, “You look so beautiful like this (y/n)”. With your hands holding onto his shoulders you leaned forward, letting him go deeper inside of you. With each thrust he was hitting your g-spot.

This angel gave him the perfect opportunity to suck your breasts again, giving you even more pleasure. The chill of his mouth against your hot skin made your pleasure only intensify.

Together your bodies moved as one, needing each other badly. This was all becoming too much, “Loki I’m so close”. You felt yourself right on the edge.

Loki was panting, “Tell me whose you are love”. You didn’t know if you could even speak right now, you only seemed to be able to moan. Picking up the pace Loki repeated himself, “Let everyone know who’s making you feel this good”.

Loudly you screamed, “Loki...you are Loki...fuck”. Somehow he went even deeper and faster, and you knew you couldn’t hold back. Loki nearly growled, “Cum for me (y/n) cum for me right now”.

His words pushed you over the edge, your orgasm now washing over you. It felt like a tsunami that started at your core and caused wave after wave of pleasure to crash throughout your body.

All you could do was moan his name, you were screaming it out. As Loki felt your walls clench around him, he was pushed over the edge. He’d never felt anything like this before, it was so intense.

Loki came just as hard, yelling out your name. Together you rode out your orgasms, wanting this feeling to last forever. Neither of you had felt something this good.

When Loki finally opened his eyes and saw how disheveled you looked he found his heart swelling with love again. Looking deeply into your eyes he said, “I love you so deeply (y/n) and as long as I live you shall be mine and I yours”.

This time when you brought your lips to his the kiss was slow, as if you both wanted to remember this moment forever. You felt him smile against your lips, and you laughed softly.

You rested on top of his chest as he asked, “What is so amusing darling?”. You looked up into his eyes again, he was still in his true form. Smiling you said, “ I just can’t believe how lucky I am to have you Loki”.

He kissed your forehead softly, “And I the same”. For once Loki felt at peace enough to finally get some rest, the rise and fall of your chest calming him.

He closed his eyes, shocked when only good thoughts crossed his mind. Although magic couldn’t fix his nightmares, maybe your love had been the answer. Loki fell fast asleep, not questioning it further.

♡ thank you for taking the time to read this, you’re a babe♡

Forever tags: aka some amazing people: @moonlessnight14 @sexyvixen7 @angieptt​ @painkiller80 @becca-dolan @team-heichou @thatpeachybandgirl​ @allthesesonsobitches @buckybarneshairpullingkink @couldabeenamermaid​ @taeeemin@littleredstarfish @nali67​ @only4wakingup​ @mcenziehughes​

*if there is a line through your name that means that for some reason it won’t allow me to tag you*

*forever tags are always open*

#loki #Loki Laufeyson #loki fanfic #Loki Angst #loki smut #loki filth #loki x reader #loki imagine #loki fic #tom hiddleston

[cassiopeiassky]

When Everything’s Made to be Broken (I Just Want You to Know Who I Am) Part 54

Hey look at me go, it hasn’t even been a month since my last update (yes, my bar is that low)! Hey I hope you are all doing alright.  These are scary times, remember to do your best to take care of you, I know it isn’t easy.  Be as kind as you can to yourself - you deserve it.

So this part is dedicated to @iwillbeinmynest - happy late birthday, my darling Kate!  I hope it’s worth the wait <3

This part is also dedicated to the great Stan Lee.  The world he created gave me a safe place to escape to when my own world was too dark to survive.  I owe him so much, and this chapter is so unworthy but it’s all I’ve got.  I can only hope that he’d get a kick out of his cameo. 

Plot:  When you inadvertently become a witness to a murder and are suddenly a target for death, it takes a specially skilled soldier and his team to keep you and your family safe.

This will eventually be a is a reader x Bucky fic. The reader, by the way, is a civilian. No super powers, no fighting skills, and by no means perfect.  

Word count: 4891 

Warnings:

For the entire work:  Language (I have a potty mouth), violence, and angst.  This will probably get pretty dark later on, and there will be smut.  If that’s not your thing, you may want to avoid this story.

Additional warnings specific to this part: Feels and emotions. Therapy, mentions of trauma.  They’re dealing with the aftermath now, so there are parts that are kinda heavy.  

***I do not own any of the lyrics/music in this story, so please don’t sue me for using them***

Tags moved to the end.

WEMtbB Masterlist

Previously on WEMtbB:

“Look, I think it’s safe to say that we all know you can take care of yourself.  You don’t have to take it if you don’t want to.”  The covers slide down, showing his torso as he sits up to face you.  “That said, I’d like to remind you about a certain conversation we had at home about us taking care of each other.  I know I didn’t specifically include my team at the time, but they’re your team now, too. They’re your family.  You know this.  It’s okay to let us take care of you – shit, Sweetheart, you take care of us all the time.”

“Okay, but cooking dinner for everyone isn’t the same thing as a credit card.”

“Doll, you don’t want to eat Stark’s cooking.  Please, I beg you, let him reciprocate with American Express.  You can’t get food poisoning that way.”  The look in his blue eyes would be comical if he didn’t seem quite so serious.

You’re still uneasy about having access to someone else’s money, but you reluctantly concede.  They are family – Thanksgiving and Christmas should have already proven that to you, even before they did what they did to save you. Still…pride, independence, and your improved but still deeply embedded insecurities are trying to make their insidious whispers into roars.  “It’s weird,” you finally mutter as you fiddle with one of your stuffie’s satin lined ears.

He snorts and nods.  “I got a metal arm and Stevie and I both have three digits to our age, Banner goes from mild mannered doctor to a big green rage monster when necessary, Stark flies around the world in glorified soda can, and I haven’t even introduced you to the witch, the god, the floating red guy, and the…I don’t know, whatever the hell Loki is.  Trust me, Stark giving you a credit card so you have a little bit of freedom while you’re here is the least weird thing about this situation.”

Well, when he puts it that way…

“Why is it so loud?” Bucky watches as you pace in front of the expansive bedroom window, phone at your ear.  The ringing is practically echoing, it’s distracting and –

“Breathe for me, Sweetheart.”  Steady hands grip your shoulders, interrupt your restless movement, and kinda sorta help to ground you.

Shit.  Your heart is hammering almost as loud as –

“Hello?” Familiar.  Hopeful.  Safe. You should reply, tell her that it’s you, but you’re too busy hanging on to the sound of her voice.  “Hello?  Hello?!” Annoyed.  Indignant.  Already ready to hang up.

Your lips finally allow a smile at the sound.  Seriously, your mom has the patience of a 2-year-old on a sugar high.  It’s good to know at least this hasn’t changed.  

Right then and there, you promise yourself to never again take her phone calls for granted.  “Hi, Mom.”

Silence.  Then tears, followed by questions, answers, questions, answers. You weren’t sure you’d ever hear her voice again, so she has to occasionally repeat things because you were so focused on the sound of her talking – you had to repeat several times too, and you’re sure for the same reason.  Yes, you’re safe.  Yes, you’re sure.  Yes, the boys are doing well, and they miss you like crazy.  Yes, your mom followed the instructions of the team and kept things quiet.  No, she wasn’t happy about it.  Yes, Wanda and Vision are still there – they are going to help your mom with the transition of your return and letting the rest of the family know what happened.  Yes, the boys finally settled into a routine and their sleep schedule is back to somewhat normal.  Yes, you were shot in the leg but you’re healing well.  Yes, you should be home soon.  Yes, you’ll give her the details later.  Yes, you really are safe.  Really.

Loud giggles and doors slamming break through the stream of conversation and your heart moves back up to your throat.  It feels life forever since their voices graced your ears and you can’t wait to see what they have to say.  But you’re not ready.  What if -

Tears and a smile are in your mom’s voice.  “Grandpa and the boys just got back from the coffee shop – he was showing them off to the other old hens again.  Do you want to talk to them?”

Mouth suddenly dry, you nod, but that doesn’t do any good.  She can’t see you because you’d decided to call rather than use video chat; although much better than it was, your skin is still healing and you don’t have any make up yet to hide the fading bruises.

“Honey?”

“Yeah, Mom.  Put them on, please.”  Bucky leads you to sit at the edge of the bed before climbing up behind you to rub your shoulders.

“Breathe, Sweetheart.” Bucky’s steady presence is a lifeline. The gentle admonition brings you back – breathe in, breathe out.  Almost giggle when you hear your mom swear and fumble with putting the phone on speakerphone; there’s a good possibility the boys have learned some new language.

“MommaMommaMomma!!”

As quietly as you can, you choke down the sob that is steadily working its way out.  God you’d missed Jimmy’s voice.

“Hi, baby.  I love you so much.”  It’s all you can manage just now.

“I love you, Momma!  I miss you.  Come home now!”  in your mind’s eye you can see his dimples, how he’s trying to cradle the phone to his ear because he doesn’t quite get the idea of speakerphone, how he’s probably jumping up and down.  His words are clearer than they were when you left…how much has he grown?  How much did you miss?

“Have you been having fun with Grandma and Grandpa?”

“Yep!  We went with Grandpa.  We got donuts!  And uncle Jerry was there!  He gave us a toy.  Come home now, Momma.  I want to show you something!”

Every bit of your focus goes to listening to your son, to his words and trying to decipher just how much he’s changed in the weeks you’ve been apart.  He clearly had an explosion in his language development and it kills you that you missed it.  “I’m working on it, baby.  I’ll be home soon.”

“Bucky?  Bucky, too?”

That brings a smile to your face – you should have known.  “Yes, Bucky, too.”

Your mom breaks in, sounding more than a little concerned.  “Are you sure you’re really safe?”

“Yeah, I am.  I promise.”  You’ll tell her a million times if you need to.  

“So then why is he coming home with you?  Why do you still need the protection?”

Oh, shit.  Right.  She doesn’t know.  This conversation should probably happen in person.  “Um…I’ll explain later.  But I promise, everything is fine.  Hey, can you put Artie on the phone?”

“Honey, he, um,” in the background you can just barely make out the sound of your dad trying to convince Artie to come out of the bathroom, “he’s –“ an ungodly screech pierces the air, “he’s just –“

“He’s mad.  He doesn’t want to talk to me.”  Damn.  It hurts just as much as you thought it would.  “It’s okay, Mom.”  It’s not. Not at all.  “I’ll try again later.”  That’s the truth, at least.

“He just needs a little time.  He took it really hard when you had to go.  Well, they both did, but Artie especially.  I couldn’t convince him that you were trying to come back.”  She knows what happened, at least the broad outline of it; there’s no judgement in her voice.  “He, uh, he thought –“

Might as well just say it and spare your mom the discomfort.  “That I left just like his daddy.”

There’s a long pause before she finally answers.  “Yeah.”

What can you even say to that?  You certainly don’t blame him – you’d had that very thought yourself.

Jimmy’s earnest little voice breaks in, “Momma, Artie loves you.  He’s bein’ a butt right now.  But he loves you.”  He’s a perceptive little man; it’s good to know that’s still the same.  A sob and a chuckle mix ungracefully, but that’s okay. And since when did Jimmy start calling people ‘butts?’

“Thank you, baby.  Um, Mom?”

Her sheepish voice comes across just a second later.  “Sorry, honey.  He probably got that from me.”

A laugh, small but genuine, comes out.  “That’s okay. I learned all my best phrases from you, so I guess we’ll just call it the family legacy.”  Deep breath in.  Out.  “Hey, I should get going.  I need to get my leg checked out before I meet with the person coordinating my mental health recovery care.”

“I – okay, honey.  I love you so much, and I’m so glad you’re safe.”

“I love you, too, Mom. Jimmy?”

“I love you, Momma!  I don’t want you to go.  Come back.  Please?” His cheerful excitement is replaced with an almost palpable desperation, and just like that, your heart breaks all over again.  

“Yes, baby, I’m coming home soon.  I’ll call you later today, okay?”

“Promise?”  He sounds suspicious but hopeful.

“Yes, I promise.”

“Okay.”  Jimmy sounds resigned, and you can hear your mom prompting him in the background.  “Love you, Momma.”

“I love you, too, Jimmy. So much.”

“Later today?  Before bed?  You will call?”

“Yes, Jimmy.  I promise.”

“Okay bye!”

There’s just a bit of silence before your mom’s voice comes back.  “He’s going to be okay, honey.  They both will.”

You can only hope.  Swallowing hard, you continue, “Hey, can you please put the phone by wherever Artie can hear me?”

“Yes…here you go.”

“Artie?  Baby?”  There’s no response, but you knew there wouldn’t be.  “Artie, I love you so much.  I’m so sorry that I had to leave, but I promise I’m coming back.  Okay?  I love you so, so much.  It’s okay that you’re mad.  I understand. I will call later today, and if you feel like talking, I’ll be here to listen, okay?”  Still no answer.  You will never know how you managed to keep the devastation out of your voice.  “Okay.  It’s okay. I love you, baby.”

Footsteps, and then, “He loves you, too.  He does.”

You nod, even though she can’t see you.  “I know, Mom.”

“It’s just going to take some time.”

“I know.”  You hope, anyway.

“You’ll call later?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“Alright honey, you take care of yourself and get better, okay?  We all miss you.”

“I know.  I miss you, too.  I miss you so much.”  You stop to clear the thickness out of your throat, “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

It’s too hard to say goodbye, so instead you just end the call and put the phone down.  Time to get ready for the rest of the day.

* * *

“Do not hold your breath, dear one.  Breathe through the movement,” Galina coaches gently as she guides you through some strength exercises.  

You’ve already been at this for 45 minutes, and you still can’t get over the fact that your leg doesn’t hurt like you think it should.  There’s a deep, almost bone shaking ache to it now that you’ve been pushing yourself a bit, but it certainly isn’t what you would have expected from a recovering bullet wound.

“Good,” she watches with an eagle eye as you correct your breathing, “very good.”

“This is weird.  I’m not complaining, but my brain just seems to not want to accept that my leg is better than it thinks it should be.”

She laughs a little as she taps some notes into her tablet.  “I suppose it makes sense that there is a bit of dissonance between your brain and body; most patients with this type of injury would still be recovering in the surgical ward. You are very lucky to have received Dr. Cho’s patch.  I have seen injuries like yours that have resulted in a lifelong limp, and that was with good care and a qualified physical therapist.”

It hurts your heart to think of the things she’s seen – legs with a permanent limp seem like the least of the potential horrors.  You finish your reps, then rise to stand next to her.  “Thank you for taking care of me, Galina.  I really do appreciate it.”

Her hand reaches to cup your cheek, “Dear one, it is my pleasure.  Thank you for allowing me.  It cannot be easy given everything you have been through.”

It baffles you how she can be so concerned about you – she’s lost everyone she loved most, and it makes you wonder how she can keep going, how she can even smile.  Throwing any sense of formality to the wayside, you pull Galina into an impromptu hug.  It’s easy to see she doesn’t mind.  You’re far from the only person in this building that is in the process of healing.

When she pulls away, you’d swear there are tears in her eyes but you don’t get the opportunity to ask before she starts speaking.  “Would you like to join me for some coffee?  Or do you need some rest before you meet with Dr. Lee?”

“I’d actually love some company – and the caffeine is a bonus.  Bucky said he’d probably be at least 2 hours with his therapist, and I’m trying not to sleep during the day so I can get back to a normal sleep schedule.”

“Mmm,” Galina nods drily, “Jetlag is a heartless bitch, yes?”

You burst out laughing at her comment.  It feels good.  “It is. It really is.”

* * *

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous, Buck.  It isn’t like I’ve never seen a therapist before.”  The two of you are standing outside the room serving as an office for Dr. Lee, and there’s a heavy dread hanging over you at the prospect of walking through that door.  “I mean, for fuck’s sake, I want to be one.  What is my problem?”

Bucky rubs your back as he holds you close.  “Do you want me to stay with you?”

The deep breath you take fills your lungs with his comforting smell, grounding you.  “Mmm,” your voice is muffled from having your face smushed into his shirt, “that’s actually really tempting.”  The breath is released in a somewhat defeated sigh, “But I need to do this on my own.  I, um, I also don’t want you to have to relive my experience.”  You can feel that he’s about to protest, so you quickly continue, “I know you’d go – and I thank you for it – but I don’t know that I can be completely open and honest with my therapist if you were there because I’d want to protect you from hearing it.”  Shrugging as you take a step back, you meet his troubled eyes, “I know you know what happened.  But that doesn’t mean I want you to hear me say it.  And yes,” you cut him off before he can interrupt, “we will talk about it. In time.  It’s not that I’m trying to keep anything from you because I’m not. I just –“

“It’s different when you’re talking to a therapist.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, relieved that he understands.  “It’s different.”

A hug and a kiss and five minutes later find you sitting across from an older gentleman with thick 70s style glasses.  His kindly smile flashes beneath a thick, grey mustache as he rolls up the sleeves of his sweater.

You feel like you need to say something to fill the silence.  “Um, thank you for meeting with me, Dr. Lee.”

“Oh,” his smile is meant to put you at ease, and it does, somewhat.  “No need to be formal.  Please, call me Stan.”

Nodding, you swallow hard.

He begins with explaining how this will work – he’s having this meeting with you in order to pair you with a suitable therapist from his team, who then will fly in later today to begin working with you tomorrow.  Stan and his partner will remain onsite with you and Bucky as long as you are in New York, and will then do remote sessions for as long as needed.  He’s happy to work with you if for whatever reason your therapist doesn’t work out, although he prefers under normal circumstances not to work with both halves of a couple.  This doesn’t faze you – it’s pretty standard practice.  

Next are the inventories – of course you score astronomically high on the anxiety inventory and moderately high on the PTSD inventory, but surprisingly low on the depression inventory.  By the time you’re finished discussing them and your one month, three month, and six month goals, you’re fairly comfortable with Stan.  He’s nice and gives off a sort of wise, grandfatherly type vibe.  You can see why Bucky thinks so highly of him.

Then it gets ugly, but you knew it would.  In broad strokes you begin telling him of your experience.  Every now and then he asks for more details or clarification, but for the most part he just listens and makes occasional notes.  

Starting at the beginning brings some happy memories, once you get past the whole watching someone die and then having someone shoot at you part.  Yeah, saying goodbye to your mom was hard, but you still had hope that you’d see her again someday.  Then there was getting to know Bucky and the team.  Did you expect to find a best friend and fall in love with him?  Did you expect that this group of extraordinary individuals – people that you found intimidating and at first wrongly assumed you’d have absolutely nothing in common with – would become family?  God, no.  But you did, and they did.  There was fear and uncertainty, but there was also joy, acceptance, and love.  At the safehouse, in the most unexpected way, you found healing and a deep peace you’d never known before.

But then you recount falling sick from Metzger’s poison and the indescribable pain of leaving your kids…and Bucky.  As you describe Anatoliy and Nikolai Krakken – their threats, their causal cruelty, their laughter – you break into a cold sweat.  Nausea comes in waves with mentioning Grigory and Alric Metzger, and you’re almost drowning again in helpless desperation when you remember how they read Bucky’s second set of trigger words and the things they made him do.  You mostly stay away from the complicated confusion regarding Bucky’s part in your rescue; at this point you know you love him and that you harbor no resentment – you meant it when you said there was nothing to forgive – so the rest of the feelings that you can’t quite figure out can wait.  

You tell Stan of being locked in that godawful room for days on end under endless threats of harm, and the waiting.  God, the waiting – waiting to see what they would make Bucky do next, waiting to see if he did it, waiting to see when they would finally follow through with their terrible implications.  Then of course there were the little ways they would humiliate you, the dehumanizing way they refused to let anyone use your name, the misery of the formal dinners they forced you to attend…and…and the…the uh…    

Mikhail.

Stan keeps telling you that you’re okay, that you’re safe.  You know this is true on some level, but you sure as hell can’t feel it without –

“Bucky,” you finally gasp, and Stan acquiesces immediately.

Bucky must have been just down the hall, because his arms are around you within a minute of Stan’s call. It’s strange, you think, that the tighter he squeezes the easier it is for you to breathe.

When the room finally feels like it has enough air for the three of you, you continue, “I’m sorry, Stan. I didn’t expect to be quite this fragile.”

Even though you’re looking down into your lap, you can feel two sets of eyes boring into your skull.

Stan clears his throat. “You said you were going to school? You want to be a therapist?”

You nod first, then answer almost absentmindedly, “Uh huh.”

“Mmm.  Would you expect one of your clients to apologize for their emotional reaction while describing their trauma?”  As pointed as his question is, Stan’s voice is gentle.

He’s not going to let you not reply, so you give him the obvious answer.  “No.  Of course not.”

“So do you think it’s reasonable for you to expect yourself to not be, as you put it, fragile?”

“Um…”  You can practically feel Bucky daring you to deflect. “No.”

When you finally look up, Stan is nodding.  “Right. Cut yourself some slack.  Don’t hold yourself to expectations that you wouldn’t expect others to meet.”

He’s right.  You know he’s right.  “Easier said than done.”

“But not impossible,” he winks.  “You and Bucky are remarkably similar in this aspect.  With you, you’ve got extremely high expectations for yourself.  With him, it’s –“ Stan looks to Bucky, “May I discuss your progress a bit?”

“I already said you could,” Bucky smiles, then takes out his phone when it buzzes.  His features twist into something unfamiliar, but only for a second.  Turning to you, he apologetically shows you the screen.  “Nat’s here.”  His voice is tight; he tries to hide it but you know him too well.  “She got impatient and wants to take you shopping this afternoon.  What would you like me to tell her?”

“If I may,” Stan looks to you both, “I would recommend that you go shopping.  Today.”  His face is stern as he looks to Bucky.  “With Nat. And only Nat.”

Bucky manages to look both nauseous and sheepish as you glance between the two.

His phone buzzes again as you bite your lip.  “Um, I’ll go.”  You can’t say that you feel great about it; in fact, the idea of being separated from Bucky is mildly terrifying, but that’s kind of Stan’s point.  

“Good.  Bucky, go ahead and meet Nat while I finish up here. Have lunch together, and when they go shopping, you come here for your next session.”

Bucky nods but looks to you before moving.

“I’ll be okay, Buck.” Surprisingly, this feels like the truth. “Go ahead, I’ll join you when I’m done.”

“Alright.”  Bucky hesitantly gets up, but stoops to press a kiss against your forehead.  “I’ll see you soon.”  He clearly doesn’t want to go, but his respect for you eventually wins.

It’s quiet while he exits, but then Stan allows himself an almost satisfied smile.  “You know, Bucky doesn’t give himself enough credit.  I’m not sure if it’s the serum – if it also helps strengthen the mind as well as the body – but when he allows himself to be, he’s one of the most mentally and emotionally healthy people I’ve ever met, and I don’t just mean in spite of his trauma.  He knows what to do, he knows how to communicate, which is especially important.  The problem is, he sometimes gets in his own way.  Kind of like you and your unrealistically high expectations for yourself. I think for a long time it was a way to punish himself, almost a self-sabotage.  He’d learned to deal with the trauma but not so much the guilt.  He felt guilty not only about what he’d done while under HYDRA control, but also for falling victim to the torture in the first place – something he recognized no one else could have survived much less ignored, but he still wouldn’t even consider forgiveness for himself.  He felt guilty because he thought he should have been strong enough to withstand it.  Normally the guilt and trauma would go hand in hand, and dealing with one would deal with the other, but not in Bucky’s case.  He’d managed to separate them and not allowing himself to deal with the guilt was holding him back.”  Stan picks up a pen and starts tapping it against his chin, “He always wanted to get better, to be better.  He just couldn’t always convince himself that he deserved it.  You, though, you were – and are – his motivation to stop punishing himself and let go of the guilt.  Seeing and working with him today,” Stan shakes his head, “in spite of his new trauma, the improvement I see in him is incredible.  He wants to get better, but more importantly, he’s allowing himself to get better.  He’s stepping out of his way.”  Stan narrows his eyes at you, “Just like you need to do.  And that’s only going to happen if you cut yourself some slack. Perfection is an illusion and it has no place in healing.”

“I know,” you exhale heavily.

“Do you?”

“Yeah,” you admit, “I do.” Your being hard on yourself isn’t exactly a secret, even to you.

“So what would you tell me if our positions were switched?”

You sort of hate the way he’s going about this, but at the same time you have to admit it’s effective. “I’d tell you that all of your reactions are perfectly normal and that your emotions are valid.  I’d tell you to remember that progress isn’t linear, and that having a bad day, week, or even month doesn’t mean progress isn’t being made. I’d let you know that being with a therapist is a very specific type of vulnerability, and that it’s okay to feel and express those emotions.”

“And?”

“It’s okay to need help. And other people.”

Stan leans back in his chair, seemingly satisfied.  Smug bastard. “Good.  Well, I think I’ve got a good grasp on your particular needs, so I’ll have one of my colleagues, Dr. Patrice Cortez, fly in tonight.  I think she’ll be a great match for you – we graduated in the same class and have been working together ever since, but she specializes in women’s trauma.  I will still be available to you, of course, but as long as you are comfortable with her when you meet her tomorrow, she’ll be your primary therapist.”

“Okay.”  Genuinely grateful, you smile.  “Thank you very much.”  Suddenly exhausted, it takes a monumental effort to begin to rise.

“One more thing.”  He waits until you sit back into the couch. “And this is something I’ve addressed with Bucky, but since you’re here I’d like to mention it to you, too.”

“Okay.”

Stan looks up at the ceiling like he’s physically searching for the right words, “Your relationship is nothing short of extraordinary.”

Oh boy, here it comes. You know it’s coming from your mom, but you didn’t quite expect it here.  Well, maybe you did.  A little. “Are you going to tell me that it’s superficial and based on stressful circumstances, and that it won’t last in the real world?” You’d bristle if you had the energy, but as it is it just comes out flat.  

“What?  No, God no,” he speaks quickly, “Although that does happen. And I’d say that a majority of bonds that are formed under such stress don’t survive because they’re based on necessity, and once the necessity is gone, so is the bond.  I don’t think that’s the case with you and Bucky, though. It’s fairly obvious that you were friends first, and that your relationship is built on that.  Unusual circumstances threw you together, but the friendship grew organically, if quickly.”

You relax, just a bit. It’s been on your mind; not that you doubt your feelings – or Bucky’s – but you do know how it looks.  And just like the first night the team found out, your relationship with Bucky is something you’re prepared to defend.

“The thing I wanted to mention is the danger of co-dependency.”

Ah.  That makes sense.

“You two have been through a lot.  A lot. And it’s good and important that you can lean on one another, inspire and encourage each other, and grow together. But it’s also important that you grow on your own.  You are two individuals sharing a life.  If you can’t thrive separately, then in trying to thrive together you will choke each other out.”

You nod – he’s not wrong.

“Did Bucky mention that he is having a difficult time with the idea of you going shopping with Nat?”

You think for a moment. “No, but I guess I assumed it wouldn’t even happen until tomorrow, so we really haven’t talked about it at all.”

“He is.  He’s struggling with the idea of you being without his protection, even though you are certainly more than safe with Nat. Bucky is almost paralyzed with fear that he will lose you.  And I can see that the idea bothers you as well.”

“Yeah,” you admit.  “Even though everyone seems to agree that the threat is over, it’s still scary.”

“It is.  It absolutely is.  But is it healthy for either of you to live in that fear?”

Exhaling deeply, you answer honestly.  “No.  It isn’t.”

“Right.  Although it is certainly understandable, it isn’t healthy. Now, I’m not suggesting that you two separate.  Quite the contrary, actually.  It’s just something to be cognizant of, something to keep in mind as you start the healing process.  Push your boundaries early and often, and I think you’ll surprise yourself.  You are both incredibly resilient people.”

“I, um, I do worry that I’ll get too needy, if I’m not already.  And then sometimes I worry that I’ll push him away.”

“And he worries that he’ll suffocate you with his desire to see you safe.  It’s why he asked me today to make sure I have a session planned with him when you go out, although I think he also expected it would be tomorrow.”

Another deep exhale.  

“The therapy program we’re putting together for you two is pretty intense.  But for what it’s worth, I think you’re both on the right track. Just make sure you allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling – but be careful of focusing too much on the bad because your anxiety can and will manipulate your perceptions.  Remember that it’s okay to feel contradicting emotions, and trust yourself.  Rest in each other and support each other, but don’t depend on each other for healing. That’s something you need to do on your own.  Perhaps together in parallel fashion, but still individually.”

“Hearing this is oddly comforting,” you admit.

“Based on what I’ve seen, I think it’s because it’s stuff you already know.  I also suspect that it was perhaps how you two operated before you were taken, but after what you went through you just need to feel like you have permission to put it back into practice.”

Why does everything make so much sense when Stan says it?  “You know, I think you’re right.  I – I don’t think I’ve ever worked with a therapist like you, either through school or personally.  You’re very effective.”

He smiles broadly, “Well, being on the team serving the Avengers is fairly unconventional, and sometimes we have to modify programs in unusual ways to fit our clients’ unique needs. Which is what any good practitioner should do, really.”  He shrugs, “But rest assured that our methods are grounded in evidence-based practice, and that my entire team is held to the strictest standards regarding ethics and client outcomes.”  Stan leans forward, eyes sparkling, “And we have very good outcomes.  It’s going to take some work, but you, my dear, are going to be just fine.  And so is Bucky.”

You find yourself nodding. You believe him.

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#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky imagine #my work #when everything's made to be broken (i just want you to know who i am) #part 54 #wemtbb

[bewitching-elizabeth-olsen]

Press/Gallery/Video: Not Your Mother’s Suburbs

The Marvel Cinematic Universe comes to television with WandaVision the new Disney+ series that places a super-powered Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany in the suburbs of classic sitcoms.

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  EMMY – When you wish upon a luxurious star, you just might land at Club 33 in Disneyland.

Tucked away above New Orleans Square and decorated with historic flourishes (the harpsichord at reception belonged to Walt Disney’s wife, Lillian), it’s a pricey, ultra-exclusive club for members and VIPS. On August 25, 2019, Marvel Studios president and chief creative officer Kevin Feige, joined by producer-director Matt Shakman, enjoyed lunch and swapped stories there with Dick Van Dyke and his wife, Arlene.

“It was unbelievable!” Feige recalls. “You sit down and don’t know what to say because you’re so starstruck.” Shakman is more succinct: “It was the best afternoon of my life.”

They weren’t there just to catch up with a 93-year-old legend. They were about to start production on an innovative Disney+ series called WandaVision — which Shakman will only describe as a “love letter to television” — and they wanted to hear about the star’s experiences on his groundbreaking 1960s sitcom, The Dick Van Dyke Show.

Van Dyke waxed about his fellow actor and the show creator, Carl Reiner, who mined real-life anecdotes for the episodes, as well as his own delight at filming in front of live studio audiences.

In turn, Feige talked about the new series he was executive-producing with Shakman, among others. “I tried to explain how there was this robot and a witch and how she had to kill him because Thanos reversed time,” he says with a laugh. “I’m thinking, ‘He doesn’t need to hear this!'”

With the premiere of WandaVision on January 15, it will all click. Set after the events of the 2019 blockbuster Avengers: Endgame, the weekly series — which is patterned on prototypical sitcoms of various eras — explores the adventures of Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen) and her love, an android named Vision (Paul Bettany).

Yes, Vision died when the Mind Stone was ripped from his forehead in the 2018 film Avengers: Infinity War, and he is still dead. But rules can be malleable when one of the two main characters is also known as Scarlet Witch.

“What I love about Wanda in the comic books, and what drew me to her originally,” Olsen says, “is what we get to explore in a beautiful way.” To that end, even a witch couldn’t have manipulated the series’ timing any better.

When Disney+ launched in November 2019, it did so with the promise that the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) would soon unveil new series based on some of its lower-profile action heroes. At last, fans of the gazillion-grossing, 23-movie Infinity Saga would enjoy extensive and exclusive insights into the likes of Falcon, the Winter Soldier, Wanda, Vision, Loki and others, all in episodic installments.

But the global pandemic wreaked havoc on production schedules. The Falcon and the Winter Soldier — which required a complex, multi-city shoot and was set to lead the charge — got pushed to 2021. That left WandaVision, which aims to change the future of the medium by paying homage to its past.

“The show is complicated,” explains co-executive producer Mary Livanos, “because we’re incorporating the rules of the MCU and narrowing in on suburban family sitcoms — but not all the episodes are structurally similar.

“What’s fun about it is that it leads the audience to ask questions about when this takes place or whether this is a social experiment and if this is an alternative reality and an unraveling of the mystery. We’re excited that the Disney+ platform allows us the creative space to play around.”

Indeed, with revenues from cruises, theme parks and cinema down sharply due to the pandemic, Disney+ emerged as the clear winner in the Disney portfolio, signing more than 73 million global members in just 11 months. (The company had initially set its five-year goal at 60 million to 90 million.)

Meanwhile, the Star Wars series The Mandalorian nabbed an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Drama Series — and seven awards in crafts categories — and the MCU has expanded into the freshly minted series She-Hulk, Moon Knight and Ms. Marvel.

Those successes led to a major announcement this fall from new chief executive Bob Chapek: Disney would realign its business divisions to focus future creative efforts squarely on Disney+.

Feige admits to growing up with “a near-unhealthy love and obsession” for some of the characters on his favorite shows, like Alice and Little House on the Prairie, and he’s just as committed now to his behemoth production studio.

“Streaming is 100 percent the future and where consumers want to watch things,” he says. “And hopefully they’ll want to watch our longform narrative series. An experience like WandaVision is something you can’t get in a movie. You go to movies for things you can’t get on streaming, and you go to streaming for things you can’t get in a theater. And of course, everything in a theater goes to streaming eventually.”

It was back in the days of yore — ahem, early 2018 — when then–Disney CEO Bob Iger approached Feige about extending the MCU for what would be a new Disney streaming service. At the time, Feige, who started at Marvel Studios as a producer in 2000 and became president of production in 2007, was wrapping up the 10-year-long Infinity Saga storyline.

“My team and I were wondering internally about where to go from here, and what would be the next step that was equally challenging and unexpected,” he relates. The notion of extending the brand to television “was an adrenaline boost.” Looking to showcase MCU characters who hadn’t yet reached their potential in terms of screen time, he zeroed in on Wanda and Vision and their romantic but doomed love story.

“Elizabeth and Paul were these amazing actors — who had done amazing things in four movies — but never had a chance to dominate the narrative because there was so much else going on,” he explains. “It felt fun to finally give them a platform to showcase their astounding talent.”

Bettany, for one, assumed that his run as Vision had ended with his death in Infinity War. “I was called in to see Kevin and [Marvel copresident] Louis D’Esposito and was convinced that they were going to be gentlemen and say, ‘It’s been a great ride; thank you for your work and good luck,'” he recalls. Instead, they pitched him what he describes as an “exciting and bonkers” idea for the character’s return. “Of course, I said I was in.”

During Olsen’s meeting? “Kevin told me he wanted to merge two different comic series as inspiration. He explained the series would show how Wanda is originally from an Eastern European country and grew up on American black-market products like television,” she says, then cuts herself off to avoid revealing spoilers.

At first, she says, “I was a little bit nervous about Marvel doing something on television, because what does that mean and how could it possibly intertwine? But I got so excited when I heard that nugget of the idea.”

That nugget grew into a fleshed-out narrative in early 2019 after Livanos, who is also director of production and development at Marvel Studios, tapped screenwriter Jac Schaeffer (Captain Marvel, Black Widow) as head writer. “We envisioned Wanda and Vision in this sitcom setting but didn’t know what that meant until Jac came on,” Livanos says.

Schaeffer remembers: “I got wind of this percolating crazy notion of this project and told myself that I needed to get in on that!” …

Press/Gallery/Video: Not Your Mother’s Suburbs was originally published on Elizabeth Olsen Source • Your source for everything Elizabeth Olsen

#Elizabeth Olsen #WandaVision #Avengers #Scarlet Witch #Wanda Maximoff #Sorry For Your Loss #Avengers Infinity War #Avengers Age of Ultron #Captain America Civil War #Ingrid Goes West #Godzilla