#stagnating feeling of fear anxiety and sadness

[sun-lit-goth]

Going with the flow still has an aspect of direction, it isn’t aimless

#I get so caught up on what people mean by you’re thinking too hard #what do I do!? #but they told me to be mindful #to be present instead #I guess that is what you’re running away from when you intellectualize so much #stagnating feeling of fear anxiety and sadness #it’s just a feeling #doesn’t define me #waving through the dark night of the soul #not against it #wade through?

[cu7ie]

boredom.

(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و investigating a noise in an alley late at night turns into so much more. haitani ran x reader x haitani rindou. word count: 5.4k

cw; dubious consent, brief depictions of fighting and violence. spit-roasting. minor stalking (?) + intimidation, fear.

The day passes, and your boss informs you that 'your workplace attitude is contributing to a loss in morale'. Or in other words,

your coworkers have been complaining about you. 

probably the customers too.

Sometimes they say things to your face, (sometimes, because most times their comments can't pierce the veil of existential dread, stagnation. Thoughts buzz around fly-like, about how there's nothing here,

nothing for you) stupid shit, because the seniors always have something to say…

("Look excited for once, rookie. People want to see pretty smiles, you look so ugly frowning.

"At least pretend you want to be here."

one of your supervisors. So far up your ass she's coming out of your mouth.

and you love old people, but she is the rickety-ist old bitch you've ever had the displeasure of knowing.

"You can get more tips if you do a little … 'extra'. You're cute, so it should be easy for you."

Random customer you don't remember asking for an opinion, you just wanted to see if they wanted refills on wine,) 

You're getting tired and people are starting to notice. You don't argue, because they're right. You're not happy, and that bothers them so much, for reasons that probably don't have much to actually do with you. They care, but not really, so when you're sent home with the day's wages, the boss tells you in a not-so-nice way to clean up your act.

Don't be so sad. (Or rather, make sure they don't know about it.)

You collect your things and opt for the long walk home. Shibuya's streets are empty (ish) and peaceful about this time of night.

The wind whistles.

It threads between the leaves of trees that hadn't yet died, providing you some company,

The noise. And maybe you're paranoid, unused to walking without headphones (you dumped the contents of your bag to check, you either lost them or left them at home), unused to seeing

the empty streets when there's usually a dozen hawkers flagging down passerby to sample wares. Because you're starting to hear something. 

(First, you think it's your mind that makes the wind sound like whispers, moving smoothly along the shell of your ear. Some imagined ramblings. But that's not it at all. 

There's actually someone here. Or people. Nearby.)

For once, you're certain you're not crazy. You're definitely hearing something. You don't want to look behind you, but you do just to avoid any creeps who might be lurking. The sound of chatter grows the slightest bit more intense, and —

KLANG!

A brilliant crash (definitely not behind you) that sounds like metal bashing into something just as tough, the residual sound causing your ears to ring. It , unlike many things recently, intrigued you.

You've never possessed an interest in gangs. Never have been.

(This whole situation reeks of them, though. You either don't think or you don't care—) 

Not interested in their whereabouts, potential people of interest, they don't make you curious (or maybe it's a privilege to not be curious),

What happens to them never really concerns you.

So why now, are you stepping in front of this alleyway? Why did you choose that this time, on a frigid night walk home, you'll be interested. You'll be concerned with the sounds of commotion in the alley. 

… This feels like boredom. It feels like exhaustion has pushed you to your limit. You crave dissent. Novelty, actually being a part of something. Maybe you need it so desperately that in this moment,

You reach out to touch the darkness. A gaping maw of shadow. Light does not enter and it does not escape. This place looks a bit like

Those kinds of places, where you could go missing. Get lost. In some kind of adventure, and that ambition clamps down on that drowning anxiety, making you feel quite bold. Nobody will know you came here. (Nobody will know that, in spite of the pit in your stomach, in spite of the fear, in spite of the sweat in your palm, the tremble in your knees,

you stepped forward.) The shadow swallows you up to your ankle, then your body is engulfed in the darkness. 

You've never disappeared before. You think it'll be okay (hopefully), that it might fulfill something within you that's been desperately missing; maybe it'll be better than

being safe, 

than being

comfortable.

Just a quick peek. You'll only be gone for a second.

(you think the voices get louder and you shift, narrowly avoiding a shallow bacteria laden puddle, using the wall to quickly navigate while placing emphasis on not being seen by anyone if they happened to run past. You don't hear movement, but the talking gets louder as you get closer, and closer, and closer, and …)

(The talking has become more like shouting, and the silence from before has been replaced by the sound of a fierce impact, cracking, crashing, more yelling. Everything is loud now, the moon and street light cascading down on the scene but not revealing your position, flattened against the alley wall.)

"Rinnie.." A tall fellow sighs, his shoulders sagging forward with effort, and ‘Rinnie’ a good ways away from him looking crazy with some sort of excitement. The tall one, dead amused eyes and two braids pigtails framing his face, dark roots growing towards blond tips.

The little one is the kind of bleach - platinum - blonde, maybe a shade or two less yellow. He shares a similar look to the man standing adjacent to him, but his hair is frizzy and wild, sticking to his forehead. The tall one looks scuffed up and his eyes look tired, betraying the hint of a lip curl, a smile, maybe?

What exactly did you stumble onto? You lean in closer to catch the words that fall from their mouths, careful not to step onto the bottles and cans discarded on the ground.

"Rin rin, you might kill him before we can learn anything useful." ‘Rin’, is the belligerent one, his fist dully thudding and knocking across the face of an unknown man sprawled out on the floor, who doesn’t appear to be moving. The man must already be unconscious, or worse- dead -  the flurry of blows not affecting him in any way you can discern from here.

"Ahaha! But Ran, this is really fun!" 

Thwack!  Rin’s right knuckle catches on the man’s cheek, his other fist flying with assuredness and dead-on accuracy towards his stomach.

It is only then that the body groans, and his struggling renewed somewhat. Rin’s arm pulls back with poisonous intent, all the muscles in his fist perfectly poised to,

Hurt and maim.

Ran hooks Rin’s arm in his wrist and drags him off of their victim, who lies cowering before them, too weak to flee or do much but shake like a leaf.

"Okay. Okaaaaay. Now you're making it no fun." Ran drags Rin to his feet; doesn't respond with anything other than a snort and a shove. Rin only barely avoids flying into some refuse, his distress blowing his pupils as big as saucers, easing into relief as he stumbles and catches his balance. They look like a fever dream in the streetlights, an anomaly that should have remained hidden from you and walking down this alley has never felt like a utterly terrible idea until now - They drag the man to the side of the building and prop him up. They smile at one another, as though there’s a joke lingering in the air that nobody’s let you in on. 

It makes you shiver.

Just as cold shakes start to wrack your body, your teeth chitter for a fraction of a second; just a bit too loudly. Their heads begin to turn. Directly facing away from the light, their expressions are encased in darkness,

And while you thought they may be drunk or delirious, or both, the mood shifts neigh instantly, and you frantically clasp your hand over your mouth and stop breathing. They are looking dead at you. You don’t know if their pause is because they don’t exactly see you but instead, shadow, but your arms tense up and feel like coiled springs attached to your shoulders; legs trembling trying to maintain balance and not fall and make a sound.

You don’t move. 

Your eyes burn because you don’t blink and you’re sweating, lying in anxious wait. They don’t close in at once, because when Rin says “Ran,” that dastardly tree of a man lumbers towards the mouth of the alley and, 

He, who is not fooled by the darkness,

Dragging you out flailing, on your back and dragging your nice leather jacket across gunky, disgusting pavement -

You gasp as the tall one forces you to your feet, shoving your back into a wall and evacuating the air from your lungs. You immediately launch into a frantic explanation, your lip blubbering and your body shaking and your eyes wandering to that man up against the wall - who takes advantage of their utter fascination with you, and tries to crawl off.

Rin kicks him in the ribs and sends him sprawling. Back to you, being held up by your neck, lightly enough that he’s not choking you, and you can breathe and speak freely. Their eyes narrow at you, the baton slung on the tall one’s hip looking none too friendly. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” “Shut up.” Considering your franticness he sounds quite playful, although the growing pressure behind his grip is not friendly in the slightest. He squeezes your throat and Rin is the one who laughs then, slithering up to your side and giving you a long, long look up and down. “You’ve interrupted some important business here,” He says, gesturing to the battered man with his open hand, “But you think yourself more important, huh?  Quite a pesky little shit aren't ya?" Ran finishes the statement, and the look you fix him with is frantic, wild eyed. “But that’s okay. Clearly you have something important to share."  Rin smiles coolly. His demeanor unsettles you, (feels like his eyes pierce you, makes your heart pound out of your chest, your fingers tremble,) your mind is screaming to go far away. “So tell us,” The tall one hisses through an artificial smile, coldly amused, voice rough on the ears, “Who are you, and what’s in it for us if we let you go?” Rin slides a finger down the side of your waist, making you shiver. “I .. uh..” “Uh? Uhm? That doesn’t sound like any name I've ever heard of.” They laugh at you, and something about their ridicule triggers something in you… tired of being harangued and hung out to dry, mounting tension threatening to collapse you. Your legs buckle. You feel yourself begin to cry.

"Aww. Don't cry… we were just playing with you." Ran leans uncomfortably close, wet sheen on your cheeks glimmering in dim light. Rin sees his brother lick a slow stripe up your cheek, doesn't say anything. You whimper, petrified. 

Ran's eyes bore into yours. "Who are you?" 

You tell them your name. "I … I wait tables! I was just trying to get home from work I - I - I-"

"Through back alleys? It's like you're asking to get hurt." The one named Rin mutters, and Ran, who seems wise to your lies, presses you.

"You weren't getting home anytime soon, hunched over in that alleyway. You were watching us." He moves from in front of you and grasps the back of your skull, forcing you to stare at the battered man a few feet away. "Do you know him?"

You shake your head frantically.

"Then why the fuck are you here?"

"I just - I heard something. I heard something and I thought, I thought .." You struggle to find the words to describe your thought process. Rin helps you out.

"You must've thought: 'Oh, those guys must be having so much fun! I want to play too!'. " The blonde mocks the lilt of your voice. The one with the pigtails barks out laughter, pulls your head back until your neck bends, staring you in your eyes. "Our … friend over there is all played out. But," 

"You're not. Playing with you for a bit sounds fun. Oh, Rin?"

"We should walk our new friend home. Seems like the polite thing to do, yes? Wouldn't want them to get hurt. There's dangerous people lurking at this hour." His smile is particularly wicked, your anxiety mounting.

"Sure thing, Ran." 

….

They call someone else to take care of the man, ( you can't tell if he's still alive - they usher you out of that liminal space expeditiously,) terribly eager to dip into something else that night. You tell them your address at their goading, the two men leading you through alley's and backroads you never even knew about. As you exit the dark, the moon can be seen from where you've emerged from in-between buildings, faces of the men surrounding you lighting up at once.

It's hard to describe the emotion you feel upon meeting eyes with such striking faces. Distinctly similar, uniqueness to be found in both, (Ran looks nonchalant, at ease in his movement. Rin remains stern and orderly above all, offsetting his brother’s lack of care,)

When you talk to them, they don't divulge anything personal, not even their names, (they know you know them already) but you notice they seem more interested in you than you'd expect them to be, taking turns asking questions, fixing one another with this look whenever you answer a question a certain way. It’s nice to have people listen to you - or at least do a good job pretending. They don’t seem … as threatening as they did in the alley. 

Rin is more cordial and polite, and talks to you more emphatically than Ran does. He seems unbothered by your chatter, but is less active of a participant.

From what they observe, you seem to be a particular person. Even though you are scared (your fear, it makes you look so beautiful, vulnerable), you aren't boring. You're not trying to impress them, but they find themselves intrigued regardless.

They fish for information. 

You are an open book. 

They learn more about where you work and the assholes that run the joint. They learn about your small family. They learn about how you don't have many friends. You mention you used to have a roommate, although -

"She moved away, maybe a couple months back." You talk without fear now, acclimated to their presence for the time being, for your sanity's sake.

"Oh? How sad." Rindou says, and a part of you feels like he's mocking you.

Ran makes the mental note that you live alone.  They've begun walking closer to you, occasionally bumping into you on purpose because they know you won't complain or argue about it. Ran's hand slips into your back pocket while you're talking to Rindou, and the expression of shock, then embarrassment as you feel him squeeze—

"You were saying?" Rin glances at you.

"Yeah, sorry - uh… " Your face burns (you know Rin knows what’s happening, you see the way his eyes narrow, you see his lip twitch) and you don't know how to recover so you don't say anything. It's a safe option; he doesn't badger you.

For a few minutes, your moonlit walk is dead quiet. Rin doesn't touch you, but Ran has hooked his arm around your waist and is poking his fingers into the top of your jeans. You don't do anything to stop him. 

His fingers are fast and he is not courteous he is not polite, 

when the palm of his hand zips down and two fingers stroke your clit you gasp. Ran tugs on your waist and your hip bumps his a little as he slowly runs his finger over that sensitive piece of flesh. You feel like your skin burns where his finger meets your clit, and you can't suppress your whine as he pushes on it,

(It's like your body jumped out of your skin and he was striking a nerve, raw. You're on fire you're on fire you're on fire)

And Rin only looks straight ahead, his mouth opening like he wants to say something -

But your building is coming into view. 

You gesture to your side of the complex (Ran takes his hand out of your pants, for now) and they walk you inside the building, patiently wait for the elevator with you,

And you are suddenly overwhelmed by the weight of your emotion; which upon retrospection, felt like your brain had gone numb. Your stunningly composed self becomes a trainwreck in the four elevator stops (and short walk) it takes to get to your apartment. You feel dizzy with how hot your body has gotten and how tight and uncomfortable even your skin feels,

And you're mewling and whining, 

"Th-thanks for walking me home," many flustered thanks, appreciative hugs, trying to wave them away from the door,  but they get inside before you do (when Rin whispers ´Let me help you’, your skin gets goosebumps and you toss him the key), and act as if for a moment they were the kind of people that you'd want in your house. 

Rin is commenting on your art, 'critiquing' (shaming) your arrangements and decor, touching nothing, taking up no space,

While Ran is on everything, everywhere, all at once. He's opening your fridge and taking out the drink you were trying to save for later, flipping through the tabs you left on your computer and,

Maybe they could be friends, with the way they both get so comfortable. But eventually their eyes start drifting over,

to you. Sat on your couch, house burning down around you, you've gone too far, too deep, and they are not going to let you go. (it's not like that was the plan, anyway).

…

Ran mentioned something about playing earlier, didn't he? You hadn't a mind to negotiate a 'fair exchange' for them walking you home on such a dark night. Maybe you hoped they'd just forget about it.

(They don't. You know because before they make you show them where the bedroom is, Ran pokes his fingers through the belt loops on your jeans and tells you how much of a courtesy he brought you back, he could have fucked you and left you in the alley.

"But I didn't." Ran smiles, and you can only imagine what Rin's face looks like. Though, you can feel him on your back, grinding his erection into you.

"Just relax."  Rin leans to your ear, lips close enough to kiss the shell of it. "We'll play nice, won't we Ran?" 

The aforementioned laughs once, reaching for your belt buckle. "Speak for yourself." )

Your bedroom isn’t terribly small but your massive mattress takes up most of the space. Ran doesn’t care about kicking around your things to get to the bed easier, dipping down and baring his teeth to your neck, nibbling. Rindou does not knock over a thing (he picks up a figurine that you hadn’t noticed had turned over, flicks on your lamp, mutters something) walking between your door and hurrying himself along to the bed alongside Ran. 

At that point, you’ve already been undressed from the waist down, your clothing discarded on your living room couch. You’ve been pushed back first onto your bed, Ran is on top kissing you with the feverishness of a school boy, his tongue slipping into your mouth (which surprised you, your pussy throbbed a little) and his hand slipping down towards your cunt.

You make a mewling sound as he rubs circles on your clit, and Rin groans loud enough for you to remember he’s still here, “Jackass, you’ve been hogging them the whole night. You said-” Ran pulls back molasses-slow, fixing Rindou with a look you can’t read. “I know what I said. You don’t have to get so emotional over it, Rin. See?” He pushes himself up on his arms and leaves you there, gesturing with a sweeping motion. “I was just getting them ready for you.” Rin snorts, grabbing your arms. “Whatever. Now, you.” Your eyes meet, but the intensity in his is unlike Ran’s. Something about him seems more driven. Came here for something, refusing to leave without it. “Flip over. Get on your stomach. Make sure your head is hanging off the bed.” You don’t hesitate to do as he says. 

Ran steps into your view, tugging on the band of his boxers until his cockhead is visible from the top. You try not to drool. He pushes his cock between your pillowy lips, letting out a long low whistle.

"Just relax. Open your mouth a little wider - that's it - just like that .."  Ran is already groaning and barely half his dick is inside your mouth, but drool is racing down your chin and you have forgotten how to breathe out of your nostrils. He cups the back of your head.

"Eyes up." Tears sting at your eyes at your lack of oxygen and Ran just smiles dreamily downward at you, his brother out of your sight entirely. Now you’re as bare as the day you were born, courtesy of Ran, and you nearly forget about Rin until you feel firm hands spreading your legs; a damp muscle wriggle and work it's way in between your folds so boldly,

You cry out, groaning on Ran's cock. It's too big and your jaw has to work and strain and it hurts but he makes you do it anyway (his smell is rich between his legs, and he keeps reminding you to breathe through your nose),  telling you how much of a good job you're doing.

"... you're good at this. I didn't think you were a slut though… maybe …"

"It's just a natural talent. Like you were born to suck dick."

He thrusts his hips and holds your face so that he's in your throat, and no matter how hard you beat at his thighs he does not give. You wiggle and squirm, Rin's hands clamping around your hips and giving you less room to breathe. You're so occupied with the dick in your mouth that you don't notice how wet Rin has gotten you. 

His brother has all your attention. Even when he stands at attention and lines himself up, you don't notice. It's only when he's pulling your hips towards his, that you feel the blunt head of his cock probing at your pussy and waiting for a good moment to

Thrust in, and as Ran pulls you off his cock to cum on your face, it's a perfect opportunity for Rin to pull you onto him, and the squeal you let out sounds absolutely delicious, (made his balls clench). He begins tentatively, resting a hand at the small of your back, and thrusting into you with as much force as he can muster behind his hips, enjoying hearing you whine and whimper (perhaps more than he expected). Your body is hot to the touch and your back is a little slick with your sweat. 

Rin grunts with effort as he tries to fuck into you, getting some give as you grow weak in the hips. His cock feels like it's tearing you up, like he might break you before he night is done and the more you moan and squirm the rougher he gets, the slick sounds of his balls slapping against your clit drowning out the sound of your own thoughts.  

(Ran has fun with you. You lick his cock clean as Rin speeds up so much he's practically fucking the breath out of your lungs. Your ass feels battered, your pussy abused —)

Rin has been noticeably quiet most of this time. Too focused on the sound of your yelps and the way your body dances beneath his fingertips. You move so much. He likes the little defiance in you. He has no problem fucking it out.

You grow to gripping Ran's legs for support cause you can't hold yourself up on the bed, the tingling burning feeling of strain zinging up the muscles in your legs. 

“Ah! Oooh..”  They’re teaching you new things about yourself. Wherever they caress you, the back of your head, along your spine, on your hips, it’s like you’ve been alight with fire. Ran makes sure you’re looking at him, and he’s cooing at you, feeding you crumbs of praise as he strokes under your chin affectionately. Your heart jumps a little at the fond look he gives you, the approval is pronounced and makes you feel warm and anxious all of the sudden, moreso when Ran presses a kiss to your temple.

"Almost." Rin says to no one in particular, his grip just shy of bruising. "Just … fuck." Rin slams your hips into his, his spine stiffening as he fucks a load inside you, pulling his cock out slow so he can see himself dripping down your legs.

What followed feels a little uncertain. You know they stuck around, but their words felt floaty and distant, fucked into a stupor, you seemed a bit … dotty. (Ran thinks it's cute. You don't talk, don't ask questions, just let them pet you. But Rin liked the tension in your muscles, that skeptic's gaze, that substance. Something about having you like this appeals to him, just less.) They came hot like a fever and left you feeling ice cold.

Rin, perhaps feeling sweet, helps you slip your nighty on before Ran is forcing him out of the door, chastising him for being so soft.

You wouldn't know. 

You awake in a sea of blankets, with a salty taste in your mouth and this dull ache zapping up your spine…

You are late for work the next morning, but even as your alarm gets grating and beep, beep beeps a few feet away from your head, you're trying to shake off day dream after day dream — you get up when you realize your door was left unlocked, you rectify that, head back to bed. The supervisor who's in charge of arranging your schedule calls you, ten minutes before you are supposed to come in, and you are still lying down.

You honest to god do not have the heart to tell this withering old man over the phone that you can’t come in today. You can hear his voice sort of trembling over the phone (and you later learn that one of the head chefs quit earlier that day, this poor guy is this close to the edge) and decide you don’t need that weighing on your conscience in the future, a good enough reason to force labor upon yourself for the day. You feel weightless sitting in the tub washing off the prior night. In some places you can see indentations from fingers, lightly bruised skin around your hips, that your hands run over with your loofah and that sweet smelling body scrub,

You take your time, not urged by the ringing of your phone or alarm. Your mind decompresses and feels loosened by the steam that rises to the top of the room, fogging up your vision and keeping you warm even when you step out of the bath. Since last night, you notice you seem a lot more one track minded. There’s no dreading the shift, or fear about being asked to stay for overtime, or worry that your coworkers are going to say something to you (they always do, so fucking annoying). There’s nothing. Your head feels manageably empty. Something about it is relaxing, your underlying nervousness of ‘ Is there something i’m missing? Have I forgotten something? Am I doing something wrong?’ all gone.

You’re smiling in the cab to work. Maybe it’s been years since you went there having a positive expectation for today, you can’t remember and you don’t care. You work your shift and ignore your coworkers, boss and customers. They comment, because of course they have something to say.

“You look glowy. Something happen?” 

“... I slept well?” Your supervisor rolls her eyes at you, but doesn’t belabor the point. “Must’ve been one helluva good night’s sleep, huh?” 

You don’t respond, ready to clock out in the next thirty minutes, hoping and praying nobody keeps you from clocking out at 8:00, because the day’s been going sooo good for you so far,

But one of the managers ends up running in; out of breath, trying frantically to stop the kitchen staff from closing down for the night, from leaving. You’re stopped in lieu of all the commotion. Apparently some big-wigs from the city came in to eat, and would not accept the owner’s hurried apologies of ‘I’m sorry, but the kitchen is closing for the night,’; or their attempts at placation: ‘We can accept your patronage first thing tomorrow? A bottle of wine on the house?’. The owner looks frightened half to death by the time he comes across you, shocking you with the abruptness of his request. 

“The… the patrons. Do you know them?” He whispers, deathly close to your ear. His lungs sound like they might collapse, and he looks hot and uncomfortable. “They requested you by name. I-i know you don’t like working overtime, but this could mean big tips.” You roll your eyes. “Move over man. Let me get my menus.” He clasps his hand together in prayer and in thanks, and you mentally prepare yourself to take an order for a much larger party.

There’s only two people sitting in the booth as you walk up, their silhouettes triggering your memory immediately. Ran turns lightning-quick, his expression giddy unlike anything else. He looks so pleased with himself, licking his lips like he’s slick as your confident power walk slows to a few steps.

“Hey sweetheart.” His voice is so smooth, makes your ears tingle. Rindou is sat next to him, and looks up at you fondly for a moment. Looks back down at his hands after.

“So, Rin. Ran.” They look a little surprised you actually said their names, but Ran gives you a toothy grin, and leans a bit further forward.

“Here are your menus.” You set them down on the table, allow them to pursue the selection. “I’ll be back with your water.”  You about face, looking nothing short of cool, level-headed professionalism. On the inside, you are screaming. Telling them so much maybe was a bad idea in hindsight, (because not only is this OT blowing you, but it’s hard to look them in the eyes, for a reason you haven’t yet grasped.) you sigh, trying to make it out of the end of dinner service without your heart giving in. 

You try not to be curt with them but a part of you can’t help it. Ran knows what he’s gunning for, eyes alight with desire as he stares at you up and down in uniform for the first time. Like he’s just about ready to eat you up. He keeps staring at your lips. Rindou is ever the gentleman, is patient with you when you get flustered by Ran’s boldness, occasionally apologizing for the inappropriate comments he sprinkles in. From the moment he’s seen you, to the moment you take his order, serve him the food, give him the bill, he’s flapping his gums. 

Rindou seems irritated by this at some point, fixing him with hot hard glares, kicking him under the table and eventually telling him to BE QUIET. 

He says it with so much authority that when Ran gets as meek as a mouse, you can’t help but giggle from behind your palm. (Ran shoots you a look, but you ignore it.) Other than what he’s saying to you - working this job, you’ve heard far worse anyway - it’s not a hassle to deal with, maybe just a little awkward,

Because he says shit like:

“Hey sweetheart. There’s another kind of tip I could give you, too.” After he slides nearly half a stack into your uniform pants just because he can. That was probably (definitely) more money than both of their meals combined. 

“Hey!” The tall one shouts from the threshold, a little drunk, and swaying from Rin tugging on his arm so hard. 

“Maybe.. You get out of your little uniform and meet us outside. We’ll walk you home again.” You don’t say anything, but your face is burning. 

“Maybe i’ll take you up on that offer. Some other time.” You bow politely and hurry back to the storage rooms, where your coworkers are packing up their things and heading out the back.

You sigh, taking your time changing out of your work uniform.

…

Imagine your surprise when you’re walking out, head down as you look in your bag and make sure everythings arranged how you like, easily accessible ..

And they’re still there. 

Waiting for you.

#tokrev smut #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers smut #tokyo rev smut #tokyo rev x reader #ran haitani #rin haitani #ran haitani x reader #rin haitani x reader #ran haitani x you #rin haitani x you #tokyo revengers x you #🌩️ L1GHTN1NG_STRIKE5.pdf

[sweetqueerinthesummer]

The Archer

The Archer was one of the first songs I wanted to take a deep dive into when I thought about analyzing Taylor’s work, so here we are. Here I’ll focus on the interpretation of the song as being about the closet, it’s not the only understanding there is, but it’s what makes it so so beautiful to me. Handle with care, we are about to get emotional.

And obviously, this is an analysis but I’m not in Taylor’s head, so even if I affirm something I can’t know for sure what she meant when she wrote those words.

Combat, I’m ready for combat I say I don’t want that, but what if I do?

I think this was written before she discussed the idea of coming out with anyone, or at least it reflects on that time. She knows that it will be hard, and she pretended for a long time that she doesn’t need it, that she’s okay in the closet, but she’s not. She wants to be her true self, and even if she pretends it doesn’t matter, she always comes back to the hope that she could someday come out. 

She has changed the line in at least some live version of the songs (including the live from Paris), where she says “Combats” (plural), which I  would understand as a reflect of her realization, since she failed to come out, that it’s not something that can be done once and be accepted forever (I’ll come back to this idea when I’ll talk about evermore, but the line “is there a line i could just go cross” is also about that in my opinion).

‘Cause cruelty wins in the movies

She saw people suffering from being out so many times, it led her to believe that she didn’t want to be, but she now realizes that she does and of course she is afraid. 

I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

She doesn’t know the right way to come out, and her anxiety makes her rethink every word she might have written about it. 

Easy they come, easy they go

She knows how fast the public opinion can turn its back on her, and that’s what she fears if she comes out, that she would lose her fans, and that everything that she has worked for would be lost because of who she is. 

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

Trains have often symbolized love in Taylor’s music, and more specifically, she almost exclusively uses them to signify relationships that don’t work out (Sad Beautiful Tragic, New Romantics, willow, champagne problems…), which leads me to believe that she’s talking about leaving her (ex-)girlfriends to keep her career safe. 

I never grew up, it's getting so old

She might have had this debate for long, and feel like she isn’t evolving on the matter. It might also be about the way some people consider the closet to be a temporary state, that changes as soon as you have the ability to be out, which could make her feel like she is perpetually stagnating and can't fully grow.

Help me hold onto you

This can be understood as being directed both to her lover or her public, but anyway, she fears people will leave her when they learn about her queerness. 

(Btw, this would be my answer to the way some people react by saying “it doesn’t matter if she’s queer”, if we’re right about that, it does matter a whole lot to her and she seems so afraid of the way we all would react, that saying we see her and that we’re still here does actually matter.)

I've been the archer I've been the prey

She is the archer, the one in control, she is perpetually trying to get people to listen to her music, and she’s good at it, she’s a mastermind. But she’s also the fox in I Know Places, her private life is always hunted and if she ever came out, she would be the target of bigots who would see her as a threat. She made herself both the archer and the prey by choosing this career.

Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

She knows that she has fans, that people love her, that she is (and already was when the song came out) one of (if not the) most influential artists of her generation. But what would last if she lived her truth? What would happen once she shared her most dangerous secret?

Dark side, I search for your dark side But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here?

She’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop, to find out that her public will leave her, but she thinks that she’s the one who would lead us to the dark side. By lying about herself, I think she might feel like she’s the dark side of her relationship with her fans.

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face Then I hate my reflection for years and years

She changes the way she appears, and then hates herself for it. She hates that she is stuck in the closet and the way everyone perceive her because of it. 

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost The room is on fire, invisible smoke

She is panicking but no one sees it, no one understands what she feels, and no one believes that the danger is here because no one can feel it like she does. 

And all of my heroes die all alone

This could be a reference to the way gay people were often believed to be single when they died because no one understood who they really were, but it could also be about the way so many queer historical figures had tragic endings. 

Help me hold onto you I've been the archer, I've been the prey Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?

‘Cause they see right through me They see right through me They see right through Can you see right through me? They see right through They see right through me I see right through me I see right through me

She is so used to people not seeing her, not listening to her, that she feels like she doesn’t even see herself anymore. Maybe she sometimes catch herself forgetting who the real her is, lost behind the public figure. 

All the king’s horses, all the king’s men Couldn’t put me together again

She has separated herself in so many parts between her public and private life, that no one would be able to see her as a whole, even herself, she is lost between too many masks.

‘Cause all of my enemies started out friends

She is making enemies out of her friends because she is never truly honest, and therefore they can’t “put her together again” since they don’t know her whole truth. 

Help me hold onto you I've been the archer I've been the prey Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay? (I see right through me, I see right through me) Who could stay? Who could stay? Who could stay?

You could stay You could stay Combat, I'm ready for combat

Even through the anxiety, she still wants to do it, she finds it in herself to overcome the fear and believe in her fans and her loved ones. She showed a part of her mind, she shared this anxiety, but what comes out of it is that she can’t stay in the closet. This is what makes this song so tragic, if I'm interpreting it right; she wanted to come out so badly, but she wasn’t able to, and now all that is left from that time is her anxiety.

EDIT: I wrote an analysis of evermore, it's a continuation of what I said here.

#gaylor #friends of dorothea #lgbetty #taylor swift #the archer #failed coming out theory

[crystalsenergy]

Empathy, compassion and kindness Differences, their immense absence in current human life & why they are important in terms of Planetary Transition 🌎✨

Empathy is feeling Compassion is action Kindness is doing something to alleviate the pain, discomfort, or suffering of others.

It is valuable and important to cultivate these skills within ourselves. Not everyone has them sharpened.

They are not automatic, as they require something from us: the interest to act in such a way. We are beings of pure free will!

However, we live running away from what makes us common, from what is simple, but what we have complicated more and more each day: the fact that we all feel, that we all need kindness, empathy, and compassion.

Empathy,

which is totally different from kindness and compassion, has even been more talked about nowadays, but talking is not the same as doing. Talking is good for reflecting, remembering that this exists, but doing only depends on us.

May this concept, so basic and precious, not be forgotten and trivialized.

May it not just be spoken, like a label to be called "empathetic," but rather as a practice, something that is part of your life, naturally.

Especially compassion,

which goes beyond empathy and is what we need most nowadays. But empathy, the most basic feeling, which "comes before" compassion (action), is still lacking.

There are common feelings to all of us, which are experienced in different ways, in different intensities, but are felt by all of us at some point in our existence. Fear, anger, sadness, anxiety, love. We are equal in essence. We go through extremely similar processes.

But why do we shy away from the empathetic gaze?

Why do we believe so much in the idea of individualism and separation? Why does the negative Ego still take hold of us?

And we do this more and more every day, despite being social beings, beings who need (balanced) exchanges, beings who need others for their evolution, through learning, experience, and so on.

Planetary Transition 🌎✨

In the end, we are going through a transition of planetary dimension. The Earth of the 3rd dimension will no longer exist, giving way to the existence of the Earth of the 5th dimension - the 4th dimension is one in which we already (co)exist, as it encompasses the astral part of our existence.

The essence of the 5th dimension lies in the interest to evolve, to seek consciousness, and to do so with the clear intention of RECONNECTING with others, striving to develop love and empathy. Even if you haven't achieved it yet, the interest and the pursuit define a Being ready for a life in the 5th dimension.

And because of this, which is already happening and is an evolutionary process of Mother Earth and all of us, the sooner we evolve, the better it will be for ourselves.

Stagnation is a choice, but it will have its consequences because our path has ALWAYS been one of evolution!

No soul is born without its greater will to evolve. It is the negative choices that take us off this path (a lengthy, deep, and evidence-filled subject; I'll bring more on this another time).

We do not live without anyone. The end of human beings is conscious and loving living in a GROUP! But for that, empathy is the most basic.

And at every moment someone is by our side. But we don't see it.

I strongly believe that empathy is the most basic thing for our lives, but it is quite clear that every day we practice non-empathy more and more, distancing ourselves from our fellow human beings - and I am not only talking about those close to you, whom you theoretically relate to.

Since our neural circuits linked to kindness, empathy, and compassion need to be trained and can be stimulated, it is up to us to stimulate this… do you agree?

Have you been stimulating this?

#planetary transition #5th dimension #3rd dimension #human evolution #self healing #self development #self improvement #self awareness #self reflection #writing #my writing #writers on tumblr #writers #my reflection #human kind #reflections #empathy #compassion #kindness

[bittersweetresilience]

omori major arcana

0 - THE FOOL - KEL Upright: new beginnings, innocence, spontaneity, free spirit. Reversed: holding back, recklessness, risk taking, being taken advantage of, inconsideration.

I - THE MAGICIAN - HUMPHREY Upright: manifestation, resourcefulness, power, inspired action, desire, creation. Reversed: manipulation, poor planning, untapped talents, illusions, being out of touch.

II - THE HIGH PRIESTESS - DREAMWORLD MARI Upright: intuition, sacred knowledge, divine femininity, subconscious. Reversed: secrets, disconnect from inner voice, withdrawal, silence, repressed feelings.

III - THE EMPRESS - SUNNY'S MOM Upright: femininity, beauty, nature, abundance. Reversed: creative block, dependence, smothering, emptiness.

IV - THE EMPEROR - SUNNY'S DAD Upright: authority, structure, control, fatherhood. Reversed: domination, tyranny, lack of discipline, inflexibility, coldness.

V - THE HIEROPHANT - ABBI Upright: spiritual wisdom, religious beliefs, conformity, tradition, morality, ethics. Reversed: personal beliefs, freedom, rebellion, challenging status quo.

VI - THE LOVERS - HERO AND MARI Upright: harmony, relationships, alignment of values, duality, union. Reversed: disharmony, imbalance, misalignment of values, singularity.

VII - THE CHARIOT - KIM AND THE HOOLIGANS Upright: control, willpower, success, action, determination. Reversed: discipline, opposition, lack of direction, lack of control, aggression.

VIII - STRENGTH - AUBREY Upright: strength, courage, persuasion, influence, compassion, focus. Reversed: inner strength, doubt, raw emotion, insecurity.

IX - THE HERMIT - SUNNY Upright: soul searching, introspection, being alone, inner guidance, search for truth. Reversed: isolation, loneliness, withdrawal, losing way.

X - THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE - BIG YELLOW CAT Upright: good luck, karma, life cycles, destiny, turning point, change, inevitability. Reversed: bad luck, resistance to change, breaking cycles, lack of control.

XI - JUSTICE - STRANGER Upright: justice, fairness, truth, clarity, cause and effect, law. Reversed: dishonesty, lack of accountability, unfairness.

XII - THE HANGED MAN - HERO Upright: pause, surrender, letting go, new perspectives, sacrifice. Reversed: delays, resistance, stalling, indecision, needless sacrifice.

XIII - DEATH - SOMETHING Upright: endings, transformation, transition, metamorphosis. Reversed: resistance to change, stagnation, inner purging, decay.

XIV - TEMPERANCE - BASIL Upright: balance, moderation, patience, purpose, middle path, finding meaning. Reversed: imbalance, excess, healing, realignment, extremes.

XV - THE DEVIL - OMORI Upright: shadow self, attachment, addiction, restriction, sexuality, materialism, playfulness. Reversed: releasing limitations, exploration, detachment, freedom, restoring control.

XVI - THE TOWER - THE VIOLIN Upright: sudden change, upheaval, chaos, revelation, awakening, broken pride. Reversed: personal transformation, fear of change, averting disaster, fear of suffering.

XVII - THE STAR - DREAMWORLD AUBREY Upright: hope, faith, purpose, renewal, spirituality. Reversed: faithlessness, despair, trust in self, disconnection, discouragement.

XVIII - THE MOON - DREAMWORLD BASIL Upright: illusions, fear, anxiety, subconscious, intuition. Reversed: release of fear, repressed emotion, confusion, misinterpretation.

XIX - THE SUN - DREAMWORLD KEL Upright: positivity, fun, warmth, success, vitality, celebration. Reversed: inner child, sadness, disconnect from negative emotions.

XX - JUDGEMENT - CHURCH OF SOMETHING Upright: judgement, rebirth, inner calling, absolution, reflection, awakening. Reversed: lack of self awareness, doubt, ignoring inner calling.

XXI - THE WORLD - PHOTO ALBUM Upright: completion, integration, accomplishment, journey, fulfillment, harmony. Reversed: shortcuts, delays, seeking closure.

#omori #🌃 #i am sick over this

[devconceptsplaylist]

Come along with me and explore a playlist I made that's all about cruising through the stages of psychosocial theory like a road trip with your favorite tunes. Buckle up as we dive into stages five to eight, specifically, where life throws us into the whirlwind of finding ourselves, forming connections, making our mark, and finding peace.

From the anxiety riddled anthems of stage five, where we're all about figuring out who we are, the playlist opens with the song Top of My School where the singer dedicates her worth to her grades and believes that they are the only thing that people see in her and without them she is nothing. I believe it adequately encapsulates the role confusion we experience as we grow and seek to form more solid identities. The next two songs, Why Am I Like This? and Surface Pressure are also songs that lean more into the ideas and feelings an individual may relate to when it comes to the concept of role confusion, with the former being all about questioning why the singer is the way they are, while the latter is about holding on and fulfilling expectations that have been set for her as the singer feels that is their identity or who they have to be.

The love (albeit mostly hopeless love) ballads that capture the essence of the sixth stage of the theory, where a search for intimacy starts to develop more, each song for this section explores concepts of struggling to connect despite the desire for connection due to whatever circumstances. The playlist transitions from stage five to six with Taylor Swift's You're On Your Own Kid where the song's narrator reflects on her coming of age, on how she dealt with an unrequited love as well as her career ambitions. People Watching and Falling Behind then follows after, which are songs that both do a really great job exploring themes of that need for connection and the sadness or feeling of fear of missing out from not having the same (intimate) connections others have.

The playlist transitions into the seventh stage by hitting with tracks that are about contributing and bringing forth good change in the world, taking on responsibilities, and making a difference, and the conflicts one may experience during this phase in life. Mitski shifts the tone of the playlist with her song Working for the Knife which talks about working for something that's actively harming you, but barely keeps you alive, dare I call it: the trap of capitalism; a position one may find their self in. What comes next is Radiohead's No Surprises, and then The Smiths' Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want. These songs explore the themes of reaching a point of stagnation in life and being left just desperately wishing for a life seemingly unattainable.

And finally, for stage eight, it wraps up with a more peaceful tone, where reflecting on life's adventures and finding peace within ourselves is emphasized, showcased through the lyrics of Three by Sleeping at Last: For the first time I see an image of my brokenness / Utterly worthy of love / Maybe I've done enough.

Now we've got that out of the way, it's time to find a cozy spot, hit play, and let these tunes be the soundtrack as you navigate through the twists and turns of the psychosocial theory's stages. Let's chill out, reflect, and embrace the journey of self-discovery and growth!

[chaosnoirjpg]

untitled 1

These are the things I have replaced my sad and anxious thoughts and feelings with. Hopefully they help you too.

Love is an action.

Happiness is a skill.

Gratitude cultivates happiness.

Choice is empowering.

Rejection is protection

Freedom is the option to choose our responsibilities.

Envy/Jealousy: there is no one better than the other. There are only those who have learned how to express their gifts at a greater/lesser degree than you.

The ability and will to learn is your superpower.

Anxiety is lack of faith in the future and that everything will work out.

Depression is lack of appreciation of the present and the blessing you already have.

The present moment is all we own.

Be authentic to yourself. Lying to yourself stagnates you.

Things will happen to me regardless as we live, it is our choosing how to respond to our circumstances that is our free will.

Fear tests the tenacity and resilience of our spirit.

Free the mind, change your mind, gain perspective and experience the world differently.

The purpose of life is you; We find purpose in one another, we do not find purpose without each other.

Ponder and believe in impossible things.

Let awe and wonder envelop you.

We are all different and the same.

There is nothing new under the sun.

The only thing that is consistent is change.

To be held in Love’s embrace every second of my life is my true nature.

I am never alone.

Love is the only thing that exists. Love and the lack thereof; like Light and the absence of. Everything else is an illusion, except Love.

I am grateful for your time and support.

#spiritual journey #philosophy #analysis #theory #thought #emotional healing #healing #self reflection #my post #my posts #chaos noir #chaos noir jpg

[yourwitchmama]

Major Arcana Tarot Meanings

The Fool  – 0

Upright: Innocence, freedom, originality, adventure, travel, foolishness, carelessness, idealism, youth, spontaneity, lack of commitment, new beginnings Reversed: Recklessness, carelessness, negligence, stupidity, distraction, apathy, irrationality, lack of fun, hope or faith

The Magician  –  I

Upright: Power, influence, willpower, resourcefulness, skill, ability, logic, intellect, concentration and psychic powers Reversed: Manipulation, greed, unused ability, untrustworthiness, trickery, conniving, cunning, lack of mental clarity

The High Priestess  – II

Upright: Desirability, unattainability, mystery, sensuality, spirituality, thirst for knowledge, mystery, subconscious, higher power, creativity, fertility Reversed: Repression of intuition, blocked psychic powers, unwanted attention, uncontrolled outbursts and sexual tension, lack of self-belief, fertility issues

The Empress  –  III

Upright: Pregnancy, fertility, motherhood, sensuality, nurturing, creativity, beauty, femininity, nature, harmony, art Reversed: Insecurity, infertility, lack of confidence, lack of growth, overbearing tendencies, disharmony, negligence

The Emperor  –  IV

Upright: Older man, stability, dependability, fatherhood, father-figure, structure, protectiveness, authority, logical, practical Reversed: Abuse of power, excessively controlling, rigidity, stubbornness, lack of discipline, lack of control, absentee father, paternity issues

The Hierophant  –  V

Upright: Traditional institutions, traditional values, conventional, conformity, marriage, commitment, religion, beliefs, knowledge sharing Reversed: Challenging tradition, unconventional lifestyles, unconventional relationships, reversed roles, non-conformity

The Lovers  –  VI

Upright: Love, soulmates, kindred spirits, perfect unions, partnerships, relationships, major choices, romance, desire, sexual connections, shared values Reversed: Disharmony, trust issues, imbalance, conflict, disconnection, lack of accountability, disunion, detachment

The Chariot  –  VII

Upright: Victory, overcoming obstacles, success, ambition, determination, willpower, control, self-discipline, hard work and focus Reversed: Forcefulness, lack of direction, lack of self-control, powerlessness, aggression, coercion, being blocked by obstacles

Strength  –  VIII

Upright: Inner strength, courage, bravery, confidence, compassion, taming, control, overcoming self-doubt Reversed: Vulnerability, self-doubt, weakness, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, feeling inadequate

The  Hermit  –  IX

Upright: Spiritual enlightenment, soul searching, self-reflection, introspection, contemplation, inner guidance, solitude Reversed: Loneliness, paranoia, isolation, reclusiveness, withdrawal, anti-social, restrictive, paralyzed by fear.

The Wheel of Fortune  –  X

Upright: Good luck, destiny, change, karma, soulmates, decisive moments, cycles of life, fate, fortune, upheaval, chance Reversed: Bad luck, upheaval, disorder, external forces, lack of control, disruption, unwelcome change, delays, set backs, karma

Justice  –  XI

Upright: Justice, karmic justice, consequences, legal disputes, law, truth, honesty, integrity, cause and effect, life lessons Reversed: Injustice, karmic retribution, dishonesty, corruption, lack of accountability, dishonesty, unfairness, karmic avoidance

The Hanged Man  –  XII

Upright: Feeling trapped, confined, self-limiting, uncertainty, lack of direction, needing release, letting go Reversed: Discontentment, apathy, disinterest, stagnation, impulsiveness, negative patterns, detachment

Death  –  XIII

Upright: Spiritual transformation, new beginnings, letting go, endings, change, transition, sudden or unexpected upheaval Reversed: Inability to move forward, fear of beginnings, repeating negative patterns, resisting change, dependency

Temperance  –  XIV

Upright: Balance, peace, patience, moderation, inner calm, perspective, tranquillity, harmonious relationships, soulmates Reversed: Imbalance, self-indulgence, excess, clashing, lack of perspective, discord, antagonism, recklessness, hastiness

The Devil  –  XV

Upright: Addiction, depression, mental health issues, secrecy, obsession, cheating, dependency, bondage, materialism, sexuality, powerlessness, hopelessness, abuse, violence, assault Reversed: Detachment, independence, overcoming addiction, freedom, revelation, reclaiming power, reasserting control

The Tower  –  XVI

Upright: Chaos, destruction, sudden upheaval, trauma, unexpected change, disaster, loss, tragedy, revelations, confusion, pain, divorce, abuse, violence, bankruptcy, natural disasters, inevitable endings Reversed: Resisting change, averting disaster, avoiding tragedy, delaying the inevitable, avoiding loss, lack of insight, codependence

The Star  –  XVII

Upright: Hope, inspiration, creativity, calm, contentment, renewal, serenity, spirituality, healing, positivity Reversed: Hopelessness, despair, focusing on the negative, lack of faith, lack of inspiration, lack of creativity, boredom, monotony

The Moon  –  XVIII

Upright: Intuition, illusion, dreams, vagueness, instability, deception, anxiety, fear, misconception, subconscious, insecurity, clouded Reversed: Releasing fear, unveiling secrets, subsiding anxiety, truth, regaining composure, self-deception, blocked intuition

The Sun  –  XIX

Upright: Positivity, freedom, fun, success, optimism, vitality, joy, confidence, self-expression, good luck, enthusiasm, happiness, truth, openness, pregnancy Reversed: Lack of enthusiasm, excessive enthusiasm, sadness, pessimism, unrealistic expectations, ego, conceitedness, oppression, infertility

Judgement  – XX

Upright: Judgement, self-evaluation, awakening, renewal, composure, decisiveness, homesickness, snap judgements, apportioning blame, forgiveness, judgemental Reversed: Indecisiveness, self-doubt, malicious gossip, lack of self-awareness, unwillingness to learn karmic lessons, unfair blame, false accusations

The World  –  XXI

Upright: Success, achievement, accomplishment, travel, completion, fulfillment, sense of belonging, wholeness Reversed: Lack of success, stagnation, lack of achievement, disappointment, burden, lack of completion

#witchblr #witchy #witchcraft #tarot #tarot reading #tarot readings #tarot spread #major arcana #minor arcana #tarot meaning #tarot card #tarot cards #tarot deck #divination #magick #magic #witch #paganism #pagan #good witch #green witch #earth witch #pagan witch #psychic #psychic reading #psychic readings #intuition #spiritual #spirits #ghosts

[sabalith]

Satanic Devotionals

Prayer of acknowledgment of Satan’s rulership

O mighty Lord Satan, God of this world, God of my flesh, God of my mind, God of my innermost Will! Every part of this world is within Your power. You are within every part of this world. Every part of me is within Your power. You are within every part of me. I am Yours, whether I serve You willingly or not, for I am myself, whether I am true to myself or not. Of my own free will, I now acknowledge Your power. Of my own free will, I now present myself to You.

Invocation to Satan

AVE SATANA! Hail, Satan, Lord of Darkness, King of Hell, Ruler of the Earth, God of this World! God Who invites us to become as gods! Muse of our civilization, Dread Enemy of its tyrant god! Satan, mighty Liberator, Bearer of true Light! God of our flesh, God of our minds, God of our innermost Will! O mighty Lord Satan, teach us to become strong and wise! Teach us to vanquish the enemies of our freedom and well-being! REGE SATANA!

Satanic Chant Of Alucarda And this what the devil does. He grants us virtues to expand his kingdom. The only valid one. God with his lack of knowledge does not understand this Truth, and oposes it with false thoughts and prayers. Satan! Satan! Satan! Our lord and master. I acknowledge thee as my God and Prince. I promise to serve and obey thee as long as I shall live. I renounce the other God and all the saints. Satan! Satan! Satan! Our lord and master. I acknowledge thee as my God and Prince. I promise to serve and obey thee as long as I shall live. Satan! Satan! I promise to do all the evil, as much as i can. I will draw everyone else to evil. I will declare your name to all, and will not cease to serve the Lord of Darkness. My body, my soul and my life belong to you. In Satan’s name Amen

PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE Teach me, Lord Satan, the knowledge of the ages Guide me in thy wisdom Let me feel thy presence and experience what you have for me Don’t let me be bound by irrefutable doctrines But lead me to true freedom Give me the strength to leave my comfort zone To explore that which is forbidden by those who believe they are wise Take away the fear that binds me Set me on my true path But if you don’t think I am ready, let it be as a sunrise Allow me to see your light as well as your darkness The fullness of who you are Satan, Melek Taus, Lucifer, Azazel If I could have anything, it would be to know your truth To believe in what is real Not in someone else’s insanity So as I walk down this narrow road Don’t let me be discouraged As it is you who have placed me upon it

BESTOW UPON ME SATAN Bestow upon me, Satan, the characteristics of the Dragon Overwhelming strength, vanquishing all weakness Uncompromising power, to manifest my will A fierce presence, in the face of my enemies Dreadfully protective, a shield for those I care about May its fire burn in my spirit, keeping the black flame bright Bestow upon me, Satan, the characteristics of the Serpent Possessing ancient wisdom, creative in my solitude Believably cunning, so I can make my way in life Extremely ruthless, when people attack In constant renewal, rising each day prepared to do your work May its venom run through my soul, till it consumes me Bestow upon me, Satan, the characteristics of the Peacock Prideful in appearance, always showing off my beauty Immortal spirit, living on throughout the ages Steadfast in everything, willing to go anywhere necessary Regal in stature, a presence to be reckoned with May its essence fill my body, making every step one of confidence Bestow upon me, Satan, the characteristics of the Raven Forever watchful, never ceasing to observe those around me Highly intelligent, knowing what to do in every situation A spiritual figure, so I can teach others about you Master of death, embracing it when my time has come May its darkness surround me, where every living being will feel you with me Bestow upon me, Satan, the characteristics of the Goat Stubborn in the face of adversary, never thwarted in my goals Fearless in the face of fear, doing what others dare not Courageous without limits, climbing every mountain in my way Wild to the point of abandon, free to be who I am meant to be May its energy ignite my faith and desire, forever holding high the horns of Baphomet

Satan’s Temple I have given you, Satan, my life force My blood spilt for your victory Come into me as I open myself Your essence consumes my soul I am yours… forever and eternally How could I love anyone more than you… it is not possible I live for you My body is yours to make your will manifest My mind I have given for you to create what you desire us to know My spirit declares your glory My soul is my ultimate sacrifice to you, my Master Satan, you fill my mind and transform me Darkness overcomes me, and I bask in its infernal pleasures Your presence surrounds me, therefore I am never alone With bended knee before your altar I have made eternal oaths that can never be broken May you always be glorified in everything I do Foundations have been shifted as you work in my life Where there once was light… there is darkness Where there was stagnation… now there is chaos Where there once was love… is hatred Satan, I am your temple I feel your presence increasing within me When people look at me, they see you As they feel me, they feel you I anoint them with my blood And when they drink of me, they drink of you I praise you eternally, Lord Satan Prince of Darkness, Ancient Serpent You are great and majestic With a beauty that shines more than the sun And darker than the deepest hole in the universe I embrace your darkness, I embrace your light With you, I have all I need Ave Satani!

PRAYER FOR SATANIST LEADERS Lord Satan Mighty One Wisdom Incarnate, Speaker of Knowledge I ask that you bestow upon us your blessings. Guide us, so we will serve you in the ways that you desire Give us strength, to keep us going when things get tough Bestow upon us wisdom, so we will know what to do in all situations Inspire us to encourage one another, instead of tear each other down So we will use our words to bless instead of curse Yet push us to stand tall when we face things that are wrong To fight if we have to, yet strive for peace Help us, Father, to be there for your children-both the adept and the new To guide them in learning what you have for them To encourage them not to follow anyone but you and to find their own path Let us not forget what it was like when we first came to you How you were gentle, kind and patient May we follow in your footsteps To love as you love, teach as you teach We are happy to be your servant; reveal to us the hidden things Try us; so we may be worthy of your affairs that you place in our hands Bestow on us your covenant as we trust in you Let us receive your counsel, not acting unless it is your will It is an honour to serve you, Lord Satan Thank you for choosing us May our lives be devoted to you; may we be a reflection of who you are to the world Watch over us and bless your people Lord and Mighty Satan, may it be done according to your will

PRAYER OF THANKS Satan For all the things you mean to me, I thank you For the joy in my heart, the life in my spirit, I give you thanks Satan, Father, you give me a reason to live You give my life meaning Every day is a treasure in which you encourage me to grow You nudge me to enjoy every minute The signs you give me, I treasure The dreams you send, they guide me Your presence reassures me I am not alone, for that there are no words Energy you give when I am weak Strength you pour into my being when I must walk the difficult walk When I am sad, you comfort me When people hurt me, you let me know you are on my side You are everything I will ever need You’re my Father, who I go to with everything My Teacher, who guides me in all knowledge My Protector, when I am in danger My Creator, who made me who I am And above all, Satan, you are my God with whom I will spend eternity Thank you, with all my heart Thank you, from the depths of my spirit Thank you, with all that I am

Prayer of the Satanic Warrior Oh Satan, you give us the power to trample the remnants of Christianity that is left in this world Fill us with your essence Let it run through our veins, our souls, our minds… our entire being We trample on the cross… we spit upon the book of lies… we desecrate the virgin whore Forever standing proud against the Abrahamic ‘god’ We blaspheme his holy spirit and laugh at his suffering Inspiring those in shackles to break free from his tyrant ways Entice them to take that precious bite, where they will be delivered forevermore You are the mighty one, Lord Satan And have bestowed upon us the knowledge that has made us what we are today We hail your name and stand strong with you for all eternity Inspire us even further to do the work you have for us To be warriors for you in this world and beyond Standing up to our enemies and yours alike We honour you through our words, our actions, our thoughts Each day that we live upon this earth, may we grow stronger in wisdom and in our love for you You are our Father, our Teacher, our Muse, our Everything We have taken your mark in dedication And the universe will know that we are yours Place your mighty hand upon us and lead us further down your infernal path Hail Satan!

PRAYER FOR EMOTIONAL HEALING When insecurity hits me like a raging wind Be with me, Father Satan When doubt strikes me like lightning Remind me of truth When fear over powers me Hold me in your wing, Great Dragon If pain grabs me like a claw Heal me, with your mighty power When depression fills me as water in a well Shower my soul with joy, Beautiful Peacock Angel Anxiety creeps through my mind, taking over my thoughts Place me on solid ground When I feel I am not good enough, Make my spirit shine as a star, Wise Serpent And if I feel that it is too hard to go on Give me strength

Prayer Upon Waking At the start of this new day, Lord Lucifer My thoughts are of you and I know you are with me I give this day to you Lead me to walk your path without hesitation To places where I will gain wisdom To sources where I will gain knowledge And where I can make a difference for you Push me so that no minute will be lost to laziness, inactivity or boredom So I will be the best that I can be in all areas of my life Watch over me this day Protect me from my enemies Wherever I am, may people see you in me And in everything I do, may you be honoured

Prayer Before Sleep At the end of this day, Lord Satan I thank you for each gift that you have bestowed upon me For teaching me ancient ways For experiences both good and bad that has made me stronger For the people you have taught me through For the pleasures in which I have partaken As I sleep, I ask that I may enter your dark realm So that I may be in your unholy presence Guide me, Satan, unto yourself And may I be forever grasped in your mighty wings.

A General prayer

Father Satan, I call to you from the deepst parts of my heart, I praise your name with every breath of my body, I worship you with every fibre of my being. You shown me what true strength is. you have shown me what true love is. Out of the darkness you came to show, me the true light. My master, my father and my friend what a great gift that is. Hail to the King! A PRAYER FOR DIRECTION Lord Satan sometimes life is hard, and now and then we get lost down the path of love and hate, Not sure of which direction to take. we ask that you always be our compass to guide us in the right direction. A prayer for a death Father Satan, This life has ended but the journey has only just begun. I ask you to guide my friend to the next stage of existance. May their soul forever retain the joy and love it once knew.

Thou Art Thou art the storm in the sky which brings the thunder of old, worshipped and coveted by Man Thou art the force of desire which enters the flesh, and that which enraptures the spirit more than the Christ ever could Thou art the eternal seed by which you propagate yourself again and again Thou art the wild bronco that never bends to anyone’s will, the deviant troublemaker that will always pervert the establishment Thou art competition, lust, greed, wrath, envy, pride, desire, love and all the glories of human nature Thou art the figure in black who is pleased to meet you Thou art Sathanas Thou art the highest of lords Thou art force pitted against force Thou art the one who unlocks the freedom of mankind Thou art the sword by which the tyrants are destroyed, the slaves are freed, the weak becomes strong and the servile becomes the master Thou art the demiurge and the devil, matter and spirit, the master of this world and the Lucifer frees the minds of its inhabitants Thou art the deities rebuked by the Christians, the Jews and the Muslims Thou art that which some might describe as the will to power, to ascend above all others and to take what is yours Thou art Sathanas Thou art the highest of lords Thou art the exalted goat of Mendes, the rebel chief, the lord of this world and the prince of the powers of the air Thou art the one whose magicians honour your name with their spells, their signs, their deeds and their egos Thou art the timeless meme of the force of beast and man, of that which shapes life, matter and spirit – that force which shapes us Thou art the natural superior to both the religions of old and the religions of new, all of which demand the sublimation of the individual Thou art the noblest inspiration of the artist, the creator and even the righteous who try in vain to rebuke thee Thou art the one to whom I commit myself, from the summer of 2013 until the end of time, as the ideal that I strive to follow Thou art Sathanas Thou art the highest of lords Devotional

“I believe in the Holy God, the Lord God Satan, the creator and giver of life. I acknowledge that in all the Universe there is nothing as beautiful and perfect as Satan. I come into your Holy presence and bow before your Magnificent Satanic Splendor. I open my heart and I ask that you come into my life and be my Lord and Master. From this day forward I renounce the God of the Bible and I worship only you, for you are the one true god. I accept you into my heart as my Lord and Savior. In Satan I am a new creation, born again, not of corruptible seed, but of the incorruptible seed of Satan. I open my soul and humbly receive the Sacred Satanic Seed into my mouth. I open my soul and humbly receive the Sacred Satanic Seed into my ass. From this day forward I am free from the bondage of guilt and shame, for there is nothing I may do in dedication to the glory of Satan that is forbidden. All that I am and all that I have I offer as gifts given freely to You. Accept my body and my soul a living sacrifice for Your glory. You are my life-source, and I am your sacrifice. Consume my every thought. Fuel my every desire. Create in me a Satanic-mind, that my thoughts may be of You and only You. I give all my love to You, for there is no other God worthy of my love. I devote my life to You, for there is no other God worthy of my life. I worship You with all my heart and soul, for there is no other God worthy of my worship. I lift my voice in praise to You, for there is no other God worthy of my praise. I offer my body a living sacrifice for your glory, for there is no other God worthy of my sacrificial offering. I surrender my eternal soul to You, for there is no other God worthy of my soul. This is, and will forever be, my eternal covenant. I will bow down and worship no other God but Satan.

Praise Satan. Hail Satan.”

Goddess we also worship. Blessed Whore of Babylon Goddess Jezabel Goddess Lilith

Hail Satan

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

Alas! Who are we ourselves? Who am I who now address you? Who are you who are listening to me? And are you very sure that we have done nothing before we were born? The earth is not devoid of resemblance to a jail. Who knows whether man is not a recaptured offender against divine justice? Look closely at life. It is so made, that everywhere we feel the sense of punishment.

Are you what is called a happy man? Well! you are sad every day. Each day has its own great grief or its little care. Yesterday you were trembling for a health that is dear to you, to-day you fear for your own; to-morrow it will be anxiety about money, the day after to-morrow the diatribe of a slanderer, the day after that, the misfortune of some friend; then the prevailing weather, then something that has been broken or lost, then a pleasure with which your conscience and your vertebral column reproach you; again, the course of public affairs. This without reckoning in the pains of the heart. And so it goes on. One cloud is dispelled, another forms. There is hardly one day out of a hundred which is wholly joyous and sunny. And you belong to that small class who are happy! As for the rest of mankind, stagnating night rests upon them.

from Les Misérables by Victor Hugo

#literature

[hecalledmehanbana]

Have you ever met someone and you just clicked? Everything lined up, the sun shone, it seemed even the world was telling you, “Hey! Pay attention! This person is going to be important!”

I did. Just over a month ago. @melaxia is that person for me. We met through one of my best friends that I’ve known for more than 10 years. (Funnily enough, I had that same sort of moment with him, but it just meant important in a different way. He’s family to me and has been, for years. I call him Princess and so that’s what he’ll be referred to as if I’m ever talking about him.) Princess works with her, and as a cis white dude (who tries way too hard to prove he’s a manly man), he realized both of us are queer and was like, “Hey, I have 2 queer friends! Maybe my queer friends should meet!” He got her permission to give me her number, and then during another conversation with me, got my permission to give her my number. (Side Note: I struggle really hard with new situations, they give me hella anxiety, so when he asked if I wanted her number, I told him to just give her mine and have her text me.) The next day, I got a message from a number with the same area code as mine. (Because I never changed numbers after I moved out of my home town, and Princess never moved out of our home town.) This message kept it super simple with just a hey, and an introduction. So I responded in kind. And since then, we haven’t really stopped talking unless we are either asleep or working (and even then, sometimes we’ll talk while either of us are working). We figured out pretty quickly that he was trying to set us up. He talked me up to her, and he talked her up to me, and yet, we were dating for literal weeks before he knew. And honestly, I had to tell him, because I don’t like lying to the people that matter, and he really matters to me, so lying to him, even if it was my idea, made me anxious. So I told him, and pretty much all he had to say about it was that he was glad I’m happy.

And I really am. I have had pretty shitty relationships in the past. None have ever really lasted longer than a couple months because of one thing or another. In reality, I had just gotten bored in the relationship and things stagnated and the things they’d been doing the entire time (complaining about something and not doing anything to fix it, not being confident about who they are, not being up front about things, etc.) really started to get to me and I ended up breaking up with all of them. My girlfriend and I were talking about this last night, and she jokingly asked, “Should I be worried?” Because I truly haven’t had a relationship longer than 2 months. And I’m 26. But that just got me thinking. And so I was very honestly able to answer her with, “No. You shouldn’t be worried at all. And here’s why.”

See, the thing about my relationship with her, is that we can talk on the phone for 12 hours a day, and maybe we’re not talking nonstop, but we can always make each other laugh. We can go from joking, to a somewhat serious topic, and right back to joking without missing a beat. We can just be on the phone, and don’t need to be doing anything specific. We can talk about legitimately anything, we can tease each other or be cheering sections for each other. We always have the utmost faith in each other, even if we don’t really have it in ourselves. I could never get bored with her, because she makes me smile with a simple text or with one of our jokey arguments. We can banter and discuss and just be together. We may live 1200 miles apart, but that doesn’t mean that our relationship is less than someone else’s. It doesn’t mean that it’s more likely to fail. And it REALLY doesn’t mean that it’s not real. And I’m not the only one that feels this way. See, we figured out within the last couple of days that we’re both empathy. I’m pretty sure she told me early on, but I’m only human, and I forgot. I, on the other hand, KNOW I didn’t say anything, because as a general rule, I don’t tell people until I know them very well. From personal experience, I’ve figured out that if people know I’m an empath right from the start they tend to just try and hide their feelings. But I have hella trust issues (courtesy of ex friends and being cheated on and reactions to my coming out) so not being able to feel a truthful representation of how someone feel about me can be legitimately harmful to my health. So unless I know someone very well, I keep that to myself.

Continuing on, the incident that led to us finding that out about both of us, happened Tuesday while I was at work. I felt confusion, hurt, sadness, and some anxiety and I knew it wasn’t from me. Obviously, I can’t always tell exactly who it’s from, but instincts let me know. So I messaged her to check on her. That, was the incident at the dojo that led to me wishing I lived in the same state, because I would have kicked the shit out of the head instructor for the way he made her feel. Later on, after I got off work and was finally able to call her, she told me her first thought was of me during that fairly one sided conversation. That’s when I felt the flow of emotion, and that’s when I knew I had to check on her.

This girl has just strolled into my heart and taken up residence. She just casually stole my heart and gave me hers, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Yesterday, was a rough day for me. And already knowing she’s empathic as well, it made it so she felt all the emotions I was feeling, and I was feeling mine and my momma’s. (A little backstory: in late September of 2020, my daddy was told by our primary care doctor to go to the emergency room immediately for what seemed to be a blood clot in his leg. He was admitted, and came home a couple days later with a stage 4 metastatic lung cancer diagnosis. 2 months later, he was gone). So yesterday morning, our primary care doctor told momma to go to the emergency room, and I panicked. I was feeling momma’s surprise and anxiety, and then as soon as she told me, my own distress. Any time someone important to me ends up in the hospital for any reason, I’m not sure how well I’m going to handle it, because watching my daddy go downhill broke my heart and honestly traumatized me. So, I had a full on anxiety attack yesterday morning before I went into work, and my girl was my rock. And honestly, she was a rockstar because all of my anxiety and distress and straight up fear hit her all at once, and she wasn’t expecting it, and yet she was still able to make me smile and supported me as I went into work on a day I didn’t think I had it in me to deal with people.

I really need to thank her from the bottom of my heart, because I don’t know how well I could have handled yesterday without her. I am not sure if I would have been able to truly work through the anxiety and still have a successful work day. Thank you babygirl, for being such a truly amazing person. I appreciate you every day, even when we’re both distracted and not saying a whole lot. 💜😊

#truth #writing is my therapy #relationship #tw death mention #gorgeous girlfriend #I have the best girlfriend #I wouldn’t change a thing #empathic #sharing emotions #feeling what everyone else feels #suddenly it was 40 minutes after I started writing #oops #I didn’t mean to write a novel #it just happened #because she’s important #even nature says so

[once-hyperion]

A Death Note From Hell on Earth

Your Power, What Do You Say?

I write to you not because I want anything, but because you need something. Brilliant and postulate facts unto which the scene, so savory has bestowed upon myself to make contact with you. The presumptuous forethought of one's lifestyle contains a much deeper and hidden message into their unconscious. The unsolved and recurring feeling of doubt has me puzzled to which I am not even determined at this point to uncover the worst of the worst, deepest of the deep, fear.

I hold on to what I cannot let go, but to what degree have I lost what has already been gone for sometime now? What I don’t see is the sadness, the anger, the pity, the repetition of how can you be this way? Is this how it is going to be forever? Why am I here? Why are you here? I ask this from the depths of my hellish heart, what is it that you are expecting from me? Why are you holding me back? Why am I asking these questions in thought rather than in the flesh? To cut a gangrenous limb, one must imagine the consequence before it is too late. Like a smokers dream to quit, or a soldier's thought of something better than this pain inside my gut, this keeps us moving. Love on the other hand is the promise that makes the tallest man shrink to his knees. As does the song writer who temporarily displays the piece for all to see in the most vulnerable way possible, the depths of his soul are on the floor for all to step on and toss about. Emotionally traumatizing and enticing for the poet to which he angrily plays his piano for the crowd that snickers yet claps when he pauses after his final note.

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails;”. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

To make love a personal insecurity is to make love a particularly violent act. To that which we conflate the idea that when one receives something that is desired, it truly isn’t enough. As time lingers on, that new thing becomes just a thing, nothing desirable anymore. The desire for desire itself is strong, strong enough to drive a man insane through lustfulness, greed or jealousy. To what can we make of this if we are all bound by the desire for desire it’s self? Shall we always rotate the crops when something becomes stale, boring, uninteresting, uninspiring ? Is it not humble to be thankful for what we have? Is it love that we crave? Is it that we truly haven’t found love, is love the completeness? As for Aristophanes, the completeness of man was the two halves, rolling around joined as one until Zeus became greedy and split us apart, forcing us to search for our other half. Is this desire for true love what we seek in place of fortune, status, aesthetics? To make love a personal insecurity leads to ressentiment toward the object of frustration. Through your lack of personality and few words, the face of anxiety that once sought to try to be a stronger, more courage’s person has fallen off the horse and into the mud to which weakness and jealousy has overcome the very beast you swore to slay. Ressentiment feeds off envy and inferiority. The crippling feeling that takes hold of you when you cross the threshold. That sickness that you wish would go away, that pain inside your chest that tightens every time you remember that you have a tightness in your chest because you are an emotional cripple. You face it every waking moment, it becomes a part of your routine, breathe, breathe. The corner of your vision becomes blurred, breathe, breathe. The sound becomes much louder, breathe, breathe. You fall down into the darkest abyss to which it is so deep all he can do is stand above and watch you, call your name and render it is okay, while you slowly drag him down with you.

Breathe softly and not so violently for the scene has ended and act II has already begun. Between the blinds you peak through, what have you got to do or say to give yourself peace of mind? To focus not on Achilles arrow when it was released from his bow, or even to where it hit its target, but what happened in between is the world of becoming, the restlessness that pumps through your veins. Instead you reside in the world of being. Stagnation at its finest. Breathe, breathe. You seek matrimony, instead you need therapy. You briefly display a life of joy to those you haven’t even met, yet you cannot even speak to those around you for your tongue doesn’t move. The younger and more vigorous side of you has yet to emerge and become. Until then, breathe, breathe.

Be that I’m not so naive, to feel that anguish, pain, suffering, loneliness, anxiety should be washed away with the thoughts of anti-nihilistic messages of becoming, we will all feel and have the worst days throughout the courses of our lives. The question becomes, to what degree?

We are all psychotic when we have inner dialogue with ourselves, making jokes or laughing inside our heads. But the psychosis, is to what degree? Depression, we all have felt sad or depressed at points to where we can’t even get out of bed due to heart ache and isolation tends to soothe the pain temporarily. The question is to to what degree are we depressed? For this observation being so very true to the human condition, we are all prone to expect a life of anguish and strife. Not only with the ones around you, but ultimately with yourself. You must pull up your anchor and sail into uncharted seas, live dangerously and stray away from looking at life through the lens of the photographer, become the photographer. Be not the brush that meets the painter's canvas, be the painter. Break from your dull pale shell, become what you hope to be. If you may fall short know that it was all in good cause. The broken homes, the hyper-religious parents, the strung out friends all add the the lengthy list that becomes either your demise or your prosperity. To feel anguish is too be what we call human. But to understand the structure and meaning behind the anguish is the spark that makes you different. To feed off that is too be a God in your own right. To be is to become, and to not become is to be content.

Burn your self help books, torch them and brush away the ashes as does the adventurer when he puts out his fire in the morning and makes way for the peak. Be the one who does for themselves, not for others. Don’t give your self “10 ways to live your life” overcome your limitations. If you parish, parish on the side of the mountain with the banner in hand that reads “Excelsior!” You are all you need, the sooner you accept that, the easier it will be to die.

~Hyperion~

#poetry #philosophy #Kierkegaard #zizek #existentialism #nietzsche #becoming

[juliandev0rak]

9 and 15 for the character asks? 👀

thanks for the ask 💗💗

from these asks

answered under the cut because this got way too long sorry 😅

9. What Major Arcana would they be closest to? Is there a Minor Arcana card that suits them more?

Beatrice

The major arcana she is closest to is strength, but she is more suited to the 9 of wands. Resilient, courageous, persistent, and able to stick things out till the end- Beatrice is strong willed and won’t stop until the job is done. The reverse of this card shows her faults, working too hard that you reach the point of exhaustion or being burnt out, becoming overwhelmed and not wanting to accept help from others. Beatrice has had to learn to rely on her own inner strength and to know her limits and when it’s time to ask for help.

Freya

The chariot represents her well because it’s all about having direction and control in life, knowing what you want and going after it. However, the reversed meaning points to a lack of control leading to aggression and a lack of direction. Freya always wants to be in control and has had to learn to know when she should give it up and go with the flow and when to take charge.

Aster

Aster is the sun, which represents positivity, joy, optimism, and the celebration that comes from overcoming challenges. The sun describes her personality well and represents her happiness even in the face of dangerous trials. The reverse of the sun is negativity and sadness, the fears she could easily give into if she stops looking for the good around her. 

Cam

Camellia’s major arcana card would be the magician, but they’re more suited to the page of swords. This card represents curiosity, new ideas, and a thirst for knowledge. Cam is always exploring the world around them and finding new questions to find answers to, and the page of swords wants to share those new ideas with the world. Its reverse represents hastiness, rushing through, and talk without action to back it up. Cam sometimes gets so excited about new things that they don’t plan or prepare enough, or they spend so long on the details that they forget the big picture.

Stella

Death best represents Stella. This card is all about change, metamorphosis, and the inevitable cycles of life, all things Stella embodies. She is constantly reinventing herself and opening up to the changes around her, she’s not afraid to cut away the old to allow for the new. The reversed side of death is a resistance to change, stagnation, and holding on to things you should let go. Stella has had to learn to let go of the past, but it still haunts her and pulls her away from the future she’s worked so hard for. 

Willa

Her major arcana card would be the lovers, but she’s best represented by the queen of cups. This card represents a person who is calm, emotionally stable, compassionate, and comforting, able to intuitively help those around them. Willa’s goal in life is to help others in whatever way she can, and the queen of cups is generous and kind hearted like her. Just as the reverse of the card shows, if she isn’t careful Willa can fall into codependency with others, becoming insecure and emotionally unstable.

15. How did your apprentice feel about Asra leaving all the time? Taking care of them?

Beatrice

She was sad each time Asra left. He’s the only person she knew, and she didn’t do well left alone. Though she and Asra are just close friends, she still really missed him while he was away. She doesn’t like people taking care of her, but she couldn’t stop Asra from trying, especially when she was newly resurrected and couldn’t do anything without help. She’s learned to accept his help now and they’re still best friends. 

Freya

(never lived with Asra so I won’t answer for her) 

Aster

Every time Asra left it was like he took part of Aster with him (I guess literally because they share a heart). She was so upset every time he left, she pretty much spent the time he was gone moping around and wearing his clothes because she missed him- and this was before they were even together. She loved Asra taking care of her, and she wished he would let her do the same for him more often. 

Cam

Cam didn’t mind Asra taking care of them when they needed it, but feeling competent is something they really value so as soon as they could be more independent they were happy. Asra and Camellia were (and are) super close friends, so they were always sad to see Asra go, but they’re also introverted and enjoy their alone time. When Asra went away Cam would pretty much spend 24 hours a day practicing magic because Asra wasn’t there to make sure they ate and went to bed at a normal time. 

Stella

Stella would never admit that she was upset when Asra left. She did a pretty good job of hiding how sad she was to wake up and realize he was gone so often. She and Asra are close, but she kept just as many secrets as he did. She really didn’t like being taken care of, it hurt her pride to have to rely on someone for everything but she had to learn to deal with it. Their relationship is still a bit strained and there’s a lot they need to talk through at some point. 

Willa

She didn’t mind being taken care of by Asra, she took care of him just as much as soon as she was able to. She had problems with separation anxiety when Asra left, often blaming herself or even convincing herself that he wasn’t going to come back. She begged him not to leave each time he started packing for a trip, but eventually she learned to cope with it and started using the time apart to work on her magic and her hobbies and became more ok with being left alone. She and Asra have a much healthier relationship now than they did in the beginning. 

#this got... so long im sorry lol i got carried away! #thanks for the ask!! #asks #my ocs #apprentice beatrice #freya viano #apprentice aster #apprentice cam #apprentice stella #apprentice willa

[5sosbitchfest]

Hi! I can't open the link about the tarot reading and I'm quite curious

Can you please post it again? Or help me in any other way?

Lots of love

Here you go, Nonnie.  I pasted it below.  I found the reading to be quite interesting.  I know nothing about tarot cards but I hope she’s right and that Lemon is coming to an end.  Original Anon who sent the reading in, feel free to share your thoughts anytime!  Thank you for taking the time to write this all down for us to read!

*********************************

Tarot reading for Lierra on 2020/12/16 

First question I asked was: “How is the current energy of their connection?” I let the card fall from the deck until the message was complete. 6 cards came out: 6 of pentacles in reverse, 6 of wands in reverse, XIV -Temperance up right, VI - The lovers in reverse, 9 of swords in reverse, 6 of swords in reverse. I read them as a chronological progression. 

Overall, a lot of the cards were in reserve, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but given the said cards, I would say it’s not painting a nice situation. Their overall energy is stained with a lot of struggle. The number 6 is all over the reading, which normally is a sign of movement, evolution, taking decision, but in this reading it’s all in reverse, which shows more stagnation, resistance to change and inaction.

For the details, card by card. 6 of pentacles in reverse, it’s a more material-focused card. It means unbalance budget, bad investment, loss of income, material struggles, or financial irresponsibility. In context, I would say it��s more like carrier struggle than actual money struggle. Potentially the difference between both their success and income is weighting on their dynamic. Either one is being selfish with their money, or the other is spending unreasonably. And I would go with the second one. 

6 of wands in reverse. It’s a card about doubt and self-doubt, lack of confidence or fall from someone’s grace, sometime even failing or having delays in success, and overall a lot of questioning. In context, I would interpret it as starting to question their relationship, maybe on the surface at first but possibly deeper that than afterwards. 

XIV - Temperance up right. It’s the only card up right in the reading, which made me frown for a while as I wasn’t sure what it meant in regards to the rest of the cards. It usually means harmony, synergy, patience, moderation, softness. But I feel like there, it was more a like “I don’t want to make a scene” / “I don’t want to make it difficult for anybody”, or in other words, a muted energy, not wanting to be in the spotlight, not wanting to do anything rash. Possibly it’s something about the public eye, like keeping a ‘everything is fine’ façade. But it could totally be on the private side as well, not wanting to face the situation properly and the questions that are rising. 

VI – The lovers in reverse. It’s obviously a card about emotions and relationship, even if it’s not necessarily romantic in every reading. It means being emotionally stuck, questioning relationships or even broken relationships. I would say that the reality of their connection, is that it’s not really working anymore and/or that is would need a lot of effort to be back on track. And that reality will eventually show up, even if it can be a long process. The questions are inevitable, they’re coming again, and stronger, no matter how bad they want to think it’s “just a bad day, it’ll be better tomorrow”.  

9 of swords in reverse. This makes me really sad… It’s a card about anxiety, mental exhaustion, victimhood, and feeling like you’re not finding solution to your problems. I feel like it’s going to manifest in form of nightmare and insomnia on Luke’s side, and playing the victim on Sierra’s side (because she has previously shown these tendencies). For both on them, it’s just a lot of mental struggles and a feeling of being stuck in a situation that is absolutely not satisfactory. 

Finally, 6 of swords in reverse. It’s kind of the same energy lingering on. Being stuck in cycle, pattern repeating, delayed things, inertia. It can also mean being physically stuck, unable to move, which makes me think about them spending a lot of time together at home(quarantining) with nothing to do but to get on each other’s nerves. But whatever the situation is, they’re not ready to face it apparently. 

Overall again, they are not in good situation: things need to be discussed, but they won’t; reality needs to be acknowledged, but they won’t. I can’t tell if it’s by contract, or by emotional fear, or even greediness, but something is keeping them together even if none of them is liking it in the moment. Truth will take the stairs, not the elevator, but one day it will show up, and it might even blow up given that the more they resist it the harder it will be to face it simply. That being said, future is not set in stone, it’s just a reading upon the current energy, and if they want to they might be able to salvage their relationship.

Next questions were targeted at each individually: “How is Luke’s current energy towards their connection?”. The answer was the 10 of wands up right. It means felling like you’re carrying too much, having a burden. So he’s feeling weighted down by their relationship, and like it’s taking too much effort for little to no result. Then I asked: “What are Luke’s current intentions for their connection?”. The answer was the Page of wand up right. It’s the card just after, which is always a nice sign of natural progression. He wants things to move for the better. And to go towards something more lighted-hearted, with more fun, joy, and …candidness? I get a “feeling like kids again” vibe. 

Same questions for Sierra. “How is Sierra’s current energy towards their connection?”. The answer was the 10 of pentacles in reverse. The empire is crumbling down; the pyramid is falling. She’s not where she wants to be carrier/success/money-wise. It’s a money/material card, which is why I also think the unbalance of the 6 of pentacles at the beginning is coming from her. She seemed to be the one more concern by this matters. Seeing it in a love-oriented reading is also an indication of a partner being more interested in a material gain than an emotional bond in the relationship. Then I asked: “What are Sierra’s current intentions for their connection?”. The answer was XII - Hanged man in reverse. It’s a card about avoidance, not taking action, or worse holding onto something that you should let go off, potentially for its material appeal. 

I mean… It’s pretty clear that Sierra’s energy is focus on the material even (maybe especially) in their relationship. It’s something she cares about, and don’t want to let go off. Seeing her energy is all cards in reverse, while Luke is up right and progression, I would say she’s the one carrying a lot of the blockages and holding the situation hostage.  

Finally, as I was seeing the situation getting downhill I did ask: “When will Lierra break up?”. And the answer… was literally the break up card: the 3 of swords. Timing with Tarot is not the easiest thing, and I’m still a beginner with much to learn. But swords are pretty fast moving energy, even if they are not the fastest. I would say anywhere between 3 weeks and 3 months, probably more toward the 3 months. Also 3 of words on the wheel of the year is corresponding to October 3 – October 12, so we might have to wait until then, but I hope not given that the situation is not good for anyone. Once again, I would emphasis that this based on the current energy only. Nothing is set in stone. 

#admin kirby #luke #messy #lemon #tarot card reading

[bonickhausen]

an update

hi! i am still alive.

i had to move out to another apartment. i like it here: it is larger and i am free to do whatever the fuck i want. i can talk to my friends over on discord late at night and nobody gives a shit. i can cook my meals at 4am and i dont have to worry about waking someone up. 

i’m living all by myself. due to the pandemic, i’m not seeing or talking to anyone so i just got used to talking to myself. i’ve always had the habit of striking silent conversations with myself and despite the fact that actually talking out loud feels weird at times it helps ease the feeling of loneliness and it helps me focus when i need to. 

i have been feeling a wide variety of emotions lately. in a way, this is the calmest i’ve ever been when it comes to dealing with other people: for as long as i can remember ive felt the need to try and meet new people and have their approval in some shape or form and i dont think i feel this with such intensity anymore. in a sense this is boring; it feels like apathy at times and i feel uncaring which doesnt sound healthy to me. 

i miss so many things. i guess this is part of growing up. it’s weird. the passage of time makes me feel things i can’t properly describe. i guess i feel sadness and i feel hopeful and i miss things yet i cant wait to see what things are going to be like. i dont think i’ve ever feared for my future and i still dont. ignorance might be bliss.

i want to lose things. this is something i have been thinking a lot about lately, i want to lose things. when i get bored of something i just tend to ditch it and start from scratch and i cant tell whether this is disregard or boredom but i sometimes think about moving somewhere else in the near future and starting everything over from scratch, find me a new job in another context and introduce myself with yet another name and leave everything behind. i sometimes want to lose it all. this feeling is not the product of some kind of dissatisfaction but rather of curiosity, a feeling of my-grass-could-be-greener that i just cant seem to shake off. i sometimes feel like i am stagnating and i dont want that. i dont want to stick to anything because the moment that happens is the moment i start to stagnate and this is my one anxiety that i just cannot control for the life of me, my huge fear of stagnation, of halting and catching fire, this weird dread that i have got to do something grand to push away what resembles a feeling of worthlessness

it’s been two months since i started talking to a psychiatrist. she helps me see things clearly as there are times my judgement is impaired by my feelings. i think i am doing a good job at keeping these feelings at bay even though they sometimes leak through. i have for so long bathed in bad habits and toxic behaviours but i am really trying my best to change. 

i have decided against talking to other people about most of my problems as i dont want anyone to have to put up with my shit and quite frankly even i cant really compreheend many of the things that bother me so i’d rather try and get a better grasp of it all first. i dont want to be a nuisance. unless talking to them about an element happens to solve said element, i’m going to keep it to myself. i wish noone harm and i believe it’s better for everyone if i leave the largest chunks to my psychiatrist. i also fear that telling people about my problems will cause them to distance themselves from me so i’d rather talk to someone who is completely unrelated to my personal life: trusting an absolute stranger with my deepest feelings feels surprisingly good

sadly been overworking lately. landed a reeeeeally neat freelance project with a guy i admire and another freelance project that’s been an absolute bitch. these last few days have been exhausting but it’s almost over. at least the money is really good.

i have been thinking quite a lot about giving creative writing another go as there are many things i want to explore but cant because i’m pretty boring with words.

i have many plans but i dont want to tell anyone about them. telling people things leads to frustration and i want to avoid that.

i have quit facebook and twitter. it’s been great for me. i’ve been avoiding the news over the last few months. i just cant deal with what’s happening right now. i just want everyone to be okay and i want to remain okay.

right now i feel okay.

i might be back in a month or six with another update. these kind of posts are quite handy for me as they help me get a better view of my issues and circumstances so i’m probably going to keep writing these every now and then

bye and thanks for putting up with my shit

#personal

[rose-oracles]

The Zodiac Signs Struggles

Aries:  When out of balance, Aries can become dominant, confrontational, self-absorbed, or insensitive. Their fierce independence makes it difficult to compromise in relationships. Lacking self-restraint, Arians can be temperamental at times, blowing up childishly, or being careless and unkind. While Arians possess their own brand of charm – straightforward and self-assured –others can feel bulldozed by their force of opinions and lack of tact. Key lessons for Aries are to slow down and bring projects and ideas to completion. They must learn to stop and listen to opposing points of view, developing composure, tolerance, and balance in their daily lives.  If Arians can harness their vast stores of vitality and direct them toward the greater good, their trailblazing could spark fires of inspiration while initiating much-needed change in the world. By developing receptivity and self-restraint, Arians can become fearless warriors, leading the rest of us out of both danger and stagnation.

Taurus:  Sometimes Taurus’s commitment to the earth falls off-kilter. She becomes too rigid, protecting of her heart, fearing that if she softens, she will fall apart or lose control. The key for Taurus is to develop a strong sense of worthiness. After all, she rules self-worth. Somehow, she has to face her shadows and love herself fully. Surrender is important for Taurus.  Not only must she yield to her shadows, she must also release her unhealthy attachments and indulgences. From there, she can allow her steady and generous compassion to shine through. If Taurus is able to let go of rigidity and possessiveness, she will be able to attract whatever she wants. Diving into her natural ability to love wholeheartedly, she can open to a deeper sense of intimacy and self-acceptance. Taurus is an earth god or goddess, planting us in the ground so we may root down and grow up, reaching to the sky of wisdom and oneness. As the Taurean shows us the earth’s beauty, she must remember to relax her fixation on physical appearance, as well as an exaggerated desire for material wealth and security. Real abundance comes from generosity and extending her love and acceptance to all beings. Growing into her true self, Taureans realize that they have all that they need within themselves – including deep contentment and a strong connection to ordinary magic. They will be able to heal others with the power of their touch, while offering a beautiful container of groundedness and security.  

Gemini:  Intellect without heart is dangerous. As Gemini’s energies swirl primarily around their heads they sometimes struggle to drop into their hearts. If a Gemini is out of balance, he can poison the well, propagating ideas that are morally corrupt of harmful, both to himself and others. The key for Gemini is to meditate, allowing the snow globe of his brilliant, active mind to settle to the ground. From here, he can connect with his body and heart, then make more genuine decisions. Gemini’s may find commitment difficult, as they’re easily bored and intrigued by a variety of experiences. They need constant stimulation as well as stimulating friends. If Gemini could direct his interest more fully to one person, he might find that each individual is endlessly fascinating, that we all have beautiful mythological tapestries within us, filled with limitless wisdom. Herein lies the key to resolving Gemini’s struggles. His inquisitive and quick mind can provide a beautiful path to wisdom, as long as he grounds his knowledge in ultimate truth and a bigger picture of moral study, emotional investments, and purpose. It would benefit Gemini to study with an open heart and tears in his eyes, remembering to integrate both sides of himself – the intellect and the heart. As his path to wisdom unfolds, Gemini can become an excellent teacher, as long as he points people to their own experience, rather than imposing his points of view.

Cancer:  To be a balanced Cancer, the crab must be willing to come out of her shell, release the security of her tough exterior, and reveal her soft and nurturing essence. She must learn to feel the cruelty of the human heart while remaining open-loving all aspects of humanity, beginning with herself. Otherwise, a triggered Cancer can be moody, sharp, and indirect. If Cancer does not feel safe, she can become hardened-even engaging in her own acts of cruelty because she has closed her heart, hiding behind her shell and pincers. If loving and supportive are not surrounding her, she could take on the savagery of others, losing the courage to be vulnerable. It is vital for Cancer to master human emotion, both her own and others. She must learn how to psychically protect herself, so she can walk into the world with her innate sensitivity, while remaining kind and genuine. If she does, she becomes the world’s mother, ever compassionate, loving, and forgiving of all human atrocities. She can understand people like no other, seeing to their core with X-ray vision. If she chooses to reveal herself, rather than hiding behind her masks, she can become the ultimate symbol of universal love and compassion. This is a Cancer’s true nature.

Leo:  When out of balance, Leo’s natural courage can become prideful and arrogant. Without an audience, he feels incomplete and unworthy, exaggerating his talents with showiness out of desperation to feel lovable. Part of Leos’ work is to recognize that their light radiates whether or not someone is there to receive it. In searching for others to reflect their love, they may have forgotten that love transcends giver and receiver-one of their most important lessons. Others may feel angered by Leo as the lion’s longing for appreciation and admiration can come across as self-absorption, vanity, hunger for power, or conceit. To become the loving king or queen, Leo must remember to surrender personal desire, and that we are ultimately working for the benefit of all. Then he can move closer to his enlightened state-recognizing his faults and gifts with honesty, expressing creativity with humor, loving himself fully, and extending that love to all. Sad Leos are ones who have forgotten the joy of generosity, who have started to believe they are unworthy of pleasure, or who have become too fixated on one person or ego pursuits. An awakened Leo is a self-less, radiant leader, who inspires others to live from their hearts, and to express themselves fearlessly. When Leo demonstrates this, life becomes effortless, for the Lion is embodying his genuine nature.  

Virgo:  No one worries more than dear Virgo, who seems to have a hamster wheel living inside her head. Her careful mind can easily teeter into over analysis, as she mulls over unimportant minutiae. In pursuit of spiritual perfection, the Virgoan can become self-critical, particularly if she hasn’t developed proper self-love or the ability to forgive herself. This self-judgment can easily turn on those around her, as she looks down from her high horse, irritating others with her nitpicking and righteousness. Virgo’s real work is to look in the mirror with her clear and honest vision, and to embrace the totality of her being, loving herself fully. She must be able to recognize her strengths and weaknesses, with both humility and full appreciation. If she can commit to this work, she will be able to deepen her understanding of nuance and human complexity while also unlocking her extraordinary gifts. She can learn to shine her pure light onto others, helping them to heal and love themselves—just as she has done for herself. As she stops her mind’s spinning and embraces her whole self, she could even become an important person for the world’s healing, creating environments of sanity, order, selflessness, and magic. The rest of us can look to Virgo as a pristine example of devotion, service to others, and tenacious dedication to purity and spiritual perfection.    

Libra:  The problem is that Libra, in a commitment to maintaining his fragile inner peace, can end up merely skimming the surface, unwilling to delve into grit, sometimes telling half-truths to avoid confrontation. When Librans rule love and can be wonderful partners, they also struggle more than any other sign in this very domain. In fact, relationships are their main path to personal growth. Anxiety can rise as they sense the scales tipping out of balance, which so often happens in deep relationships. People pleasers, they may disappear to avoid confrontation, seeking love elsewhere without informing their partners. They do so to maintain love in their lives while avoiding hurt feelings. Librans also have trouble agreeing with any strong opinion, feeling compelled to calmly present an opposing point of view – no matter their own. They teeter with their commitments and decision making, easily seeing the positives and negatives of every situation. How can someone so comfortable in paradox possibly take a stand or choose one option? How can someone who discovers beauty at every corner decide to stay on one corner for the rest of their life? Dilettantism, struggles keeping promises, and dishonesty are all indications that Libra is out of whack and operating from neurosis. The key to restoring balance, the focus of their journey, is to dive fully into darkness and whatever they fear. They can find harmony in the depths – beauty in their sadness and richness in their anger – while opening their hearts to the uglier aspects of themselves and humanity. These are the signs of an awakened Libra.      

Scorpio: Living with a dark well of emotion, a danger exists for the unbalanced Scorpion to fall into fear and repression. Unable to regulate the confusion and chaos within, Scorpio could resort to obsessive – compulsion, attempting to control her environment, both externally and within herself. She could become jealous and possessive, even wanting to destroy her partners if she can’t own them completely. Eventually the fuse will blow for imbalanced Scorpio. She will explode, revealing a maelstrom of emotion that she’s been hiding behind thick walls. Moody, sulky – and potentially abusive and destructive – neurotic can become lost in self-absorption, repression, or addiction. They punish those around them as they project their unexamined shadows onto others. Any pain or self-loathing that they don’t acknowledge, they will despise in whoever is close. Conversely, the Scorpion could have positive shadows, overwhelmed by envy for those who are demonstrating her unrealized potentials. The key for Scorpio’s journey is to understand the tremendous power they hold. They have the ability, more than any other sign, to face intense psychic undercurrents, without drowning. If the Scorpion can rouse courage and face whatever rises, she will discover her own secret – the gifts of deep wisdom, healing, and profundity. As Scorpio relaxes with her afflictions, inviting them to meet her exactly as they are, they will vanish instantly. If she lets go, plunging into darkness, she will find that she is able to open to an equal amount of light. We need among us such women and men, innate shamans who face the world’s underbelly, helping us heal with the magic of surrender.

Sagittarius: An imbalanced Sagittarian can fall into various traps because of his over enthusiasm. Exceedingly zealous and trusting, he could run into harmful situations, unable to draw upon healthy skepticism and discernment. Sagittarian problems could include diving too fast into relationships or marriage, following questionable religions or doctrines, or finding himself in peril in faraway places. The Sagittarian would benefit from tempering his exuberance, appetite, and lust. Otherwise, he could have trouble staying in one place, or with one person. The constant seeking, which is helpful for gleaning wisdom, could easily become restlessness or impatience. His fervor could turn into fanaticism if he forgets that the path will lead to truth but is not truth itself. Meditation and discipline would be a great support for Sagittarius. Bringing increased awareness to his body, heart, and other people—noticing if he's gone too far in thought or action—could help him to assuage his extremism, while avoiding hurting himself for others. Even in making mistakes, Sagittarius is able to expand his mind and heart through varied experiences. His courage in diving headlong into adventure makes him a fascinating character—one who has much to teach and share later in life, in spite of frequent blunders. Quick to fall into the trap of faulty thinking or behavior, he’s just as apt to let them go. He is ready to bound forward into his next avenue of thought and adventure, never looking back.  

Capricorn: Capricorn can become so fixed on a goal that she loses sight of the bigger picture. Her natural leadership could become overly controlling and domineering, and her emphasis on society could morph into an unhealthy preoccupation with image and material pursuits. As she obsesses over wealth and her public persona, she could end up repressing her emotions and the messier aspects of her being. The key for Capricorn is to make sure that the sturdy foundations she builds align with her highest ideals. She constructs everything with incredible tenacity and attention to detail, so she must be sure to start with proper intention—considering if what she is working on will contribute positively to society. If she’s disconnected from integrity, the imbalanced Capricorn could recalibrate by protecting her solitude—perhaps wandering off alone to engage in Capricornian interests, like nature, music, history, or antique. This gives Capricorn time to reflect so she will make decisions from a more genuine place. The inner life is very important for Capricorn, who must be certain that her outer life and well—crafted endeavors begin from a tender place. Otherwise success could feel hollow—existing merely as a badge of power, fame, and social prestige. Workaholism and loneliness are potential pitfalls for Capricorns. They must learn to balance home life with social life, allowing their fluidity and emotional expression to come forth, while upholding their commitment to decorum and social graces. The antidote for Capricornian neuroses is learning to relax, conveying their true selves in their public personas, and aligning their vocation with their most heartfelt desires.  

Aquarius: When out of balance, the Aquarians lighting bolts could morph from enlightened activity and changing humanity for the better, to straight up destruction with no purpose. When their hearts close, their healthy rebellion can become contentious as they act out against any energies they find oppressive. Frequently, Aquarians trigger people as they test waters and push envelopes, saying outrageous things. While this type of behavior can be helpful, pushing limits of our comfort zones and egos, Aquarians can easily go too far, making enemies and hurting people unnecessarily. Aquarians’ focus on humanity can sometimes harm their personal relationships, as it’s easier for them to love the concept of people than the actual gritty human being standing before them. They can become aloof and cold, finding it challenging to stay committed to the confines of their human bodies. The freedom to travel into conceptual and spiritual realms feels far more exciting, rewarding, and limitless. The key for Aquarians Is to find a way to love every human being the way he loves humanity, to remember that he is passionate about applying his insight and brilliance to the progression of humankind because each of us is a precious being. We are in this together as a group of individuals, reflecting love collectively and on our own. The enlightened Aquarian dives into intimacy, which helps to ground him. After all, we are human beings, and our true spiritual path begins with embracing this fully.

Pisces:  If Pisces forgets to set boundaries and take care of herself, she can easily fall into problems. Because she is empathetic and forgiving, she is more apt than other signs to attract abusive partners, less able to walk away from toxicity than more courageous, logical, or earthier signs. Because she is so fluid, and because she finds the separate between self and other to be so nebulous, she often forgets to connect with the strength of her dignity—which has nothing to do with other people’s perceptions. One of the keys to creating more harmony in a Piscean soul is to develop a strong sense of worthiness—the understanding that she is okay exactly the way that she is, regardless of external validation. If Pisces can realize that she has dominion over herself and her circumstances, if she can trust herself to set boundaries when other people mistreat her, she can let go of her tendency toward martyrdom. She can grow into the understanding that by allowing bad behavior, she ultimately betrays herself. This means she has more power than she sometimes likes to admit, but by owning power, she becomes more of who she is—embodied and expansive at the same time, as she joins heaven and earth. The other Piscean trap is escapism through various means addiction, spaciness, avoidance, or delusion, for example. Her trouble committing to being human can lead her to the clouds, while she has trouble connecting with pragmatism, punctuality, self-care, and directness. If Pisces can develop self-awareness, boundaries, and discipline, she could become one of the world’s greatest mystics—a powerful, otherworldly reminder of unconditional love and interconnection.

 - Where I got this information: The Stars Within You. A Modern Guide To Astrology. By Juliana McCarthy.

{Rose-Oracles}

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