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#swd solomon x reader
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Mc: *laying on a pool chair, unconscious*
Levi, panicking: They're not breathing!
Solomon: I'll give them mouth-to-mouth!
Mc: *opens one eye,* Ew no! Let Mammon do it! *Closes eye*
Lucifer:
Beel:
Solomon:
Satan:
Levi:
Belphie:...
Mammon: GET OUT OF THE WAY, MOTHERFUCKERS!
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zephyrchama · 2 months
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Do you think demons crack their joints?
It was a lazy, rainy evening in the Devildom. An oddly calm one. The residents of the House of Lamentation were gathered in the living room, mainly because that's where you were.
Beelzebub and Mammon were snacking and watching Leviathan play his handheld game. Asmodeus was browsing a magazine, Satan was browsing a book, and Lucifer was texting with Barbatos.
Belphegor had been dozing off on your shoulder for a while. It was hard to move under the demon's weight. You had been stuck in the same pose browsing your D.D.D. until he finally shifted, leaning back into the couch. You seized the opportunity to roll your shoulders and take a much needed stretch.
You lifted your arms. It felt great. Crack.
"What was that?" Satan asked, glancing up from his book.
"Beel probably sat on a chip," Mammon said. Levi snorted, too busy to take his eyes off the game but in agreement with Mammon for once.
"It wasn't me." Beelzebub stood up to prove his innocence, revealing no food under him.
"It was me," you said. "Just my back."
"Hon, what?" "Your what?" Asmodeus and Lucifer spoke at the same time, and both gave you a concerned look.
"My back? I just cracked it."
The demons sprung out of their seats like you had just cursed them. Levi's game system fell to the carpet. Since he was already standing, Beelzebub strode over and pulled the back of your shirt up, asking "does it hurt?"
Startled, you pulled the front of your shirt down for modesty. "Woah, hello? Excuse me? Uh, what?"
While everyone gathered to stare at your back, Belphegor was stirred awake. "What's going on?"
He went to lean on your shoulder again, but Mammon swatted him away. "Hey! Can't ya see they're injured?" he growled. Belphegor huffed at him, deciding instead to help hold your shirt up.
"Poor thing!" Asmo cooed. With one hand he grabbed your wrist, and with the other he made a peace sign. "Look at me, how many fingers am I holding up?"
"I'm fine. Everybody just chill." Despite your insistence, the panic had already set in and nobody was listening to you.
Leviathan was shaking. "T-that's not good, right? Humans aren't supposed to make those kind of sounds." He was covering his eyes with his hands squeamishly but peeking through his fingers to stare anyway. "A doctor! Are there any human doctors? Should we call Solomon?"
"Yes, somebody call Solomon," Lucifer commanded. "Where did the crack occur?" He started gently prodding around your spine, making you squirm.
Satan tried to bump Lucifer's hand away from you while placing himself in Lucifer's spot. "Can't you see they don't like that? You're making it worse."
"Deep breaths," Mammon instructed you, breathing deeply in and out. He seemed on the brink of hyperventilation himself.
Lucifer refused to budge, but Satan persisted. He was now also poking you. "The damage isn't visible yet, but there could be internal bleeding. You have to lay down."
Belphegor scooted over to make more room, despite your protest of "I'm not going to move, nothing is wrong."
Asmodeus managed to already get Solomon on the phone. You couldn't hear him over Asmo's worried shrieks but knew he had to be laughing. Solomon was not going to let you forget this incident.
Beel, Lucifer, and Satan moved to try and pick you up but enough was enough. "I said I'm fine!! Everybody stay!"
The seven went crashing to the floor, finally allowing you to cover up. "I am fine! I'm fine! See!" You stood up dramatically and grabbed Asmo's D.D.D. to apologize to a snickering Solomon.
The demons were annoyed and concerned as they tried to pick themselves up. "If you're so fine, then explain that noise," Satan said.
"Humans just do that from time to time."
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hopeluna-archived · 9 months
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Thinking about......Solomon who randomly gives your cheek a small lick just to see that disgusted expression of yours as you look at him while frantically wiping your cheek with your hand, and then wiping your hand on his sleeve with mumbles of "ew ew ew ew ew".
All while he has a shit-eating grin on his face, watching you question your entire relationship with him.
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temis-de-leon · 2 months
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Pick me girls and Dateables - Part 3
Characters: Diavolo, Barbatos, Solomon and Simeon (x reader, separately)
Part 1 - Lucifer, Mammon and Levi (x reader, separately)
Part 2 - Satan, Asmo, Beel and Belphie (x reader, separately)
Masterlist
CW: pick me girl behavior, suggestive, mentions of sex, mentions of violence and threats, mentions of concubines (no concubines, tho), implied marriage (??), jealous mc, some fluff, some hurt, some comfort, the most ooc out of every part of the series, Barbatos's part is based on one of his chats (A patissier's suffering?)
A/N at the end.
.
Diavolo
So the Devildom had concubines, what about it? It's not like Diavolo had any concubines. You were his only partner and, apparently, the first one in a long while. You had nothing to worry about.
Still, it was impossible not to feel so dejected when every single one of the demons in his court buttered him up so blatantly, not caring that you were next to him, arms linked and fingers intertwined.
And he smiled. Of course, what else could he do but smile? He had a duty to fulfill and that probably meant keeping certain people happy, right?
At least, that was the mantra in your head. Your heart kept hurting itself, but having a reason made it manageable.
"Well? Have you thought about it?"
You turned to your side and stared at the demoness beside you. She was mesmerizing and looking at her directly made you lose focus.
Have I thought about it? I haven't stop thinking about it.
"Remember that I'm acting on behalf of his wellbeing" she said sweetly, caressing your wrist like she wanted to flirt with you "And I guess I could make you happy too"
That made you laugh without an ounce of humor. Both of you knew she wasn't being serious about that one and you wondered why she said it in the first place. Making her Diavolo's concubine would make her his wife in everything but paper. Did she expect giving you orgasms would make you happier about it?
"Leave me alone" you whispered against your drink, not trusting your voice to act decently.
"How can you be so selfish?" she spat, leaving you speechless "This is for his own good. How long will you live, human? Do you expect him to be alone after your death? My only wish is to keep him company once you're gone and starting now would make the transition easier. He'll still love you, sure, but this way he could be happier. How can you not understand something so simple?"
A demon she was, you remembered. Had you been a regular human, you would've believed her concerned face, but to you it was obvious how impatient she was and how much she wanted to leave you there, alone and breaking, so she could finally speak to Diavolo.
"MC"
Both of you jumped, turning around just to see Barbatos's unfazed smile.
"Lord Diavolo asks for you" he informed when you didn't answer, too surprised to react. "Follow me if you please"
"If I may" intervened your companion, close to giving you a heart attack "I must speak to Prince Diavolo. It's an urgent matter"
The butler looked at you, asking for your permission, but you didn't know how to react. It seemed your throat decided to stop working at that exact moment.
"Very well, then"
The demoness eagerly jumped at his words, not wasting a second in leaving the corner you were occupying to look for the prince, who had finally stopped talking to his subjects and was sitting alone in his throne.
Barbatos stared at her before offering you his arm.
"You have nothing to worry about"
He seemed confident, so you believed him. However, the distance you walked towards the throne felt longer than ever.
Your boyfriend looked unnaturally serious at your arrival, an expression his face was not made for. It softened when he saw you, but, still, he didn't fully smile.
"My love, come here" he palmed his thigh and not in a million years would you reject that offer.
Diavolo smiled at the speed you moved, barely restraining himself from kissing you. Instead, he turned to the demoness and presented her to you.
"I believe you've met her already, MC. Did you know about her offer? Did you know she wishes to serve me?"
He patiently waited for your answer, holding you against his chest and caressing your hip bones with the pad of his fingers and the tip of his nails, making you shiver.
Serve? That's the word she decided to use? She wasn't lying, sure, but it was far from the intention she actually had.
"We talked about it" you said in the end.
There was silence for a few seconds, broken only by the sounds of people still drinking and dancing. Diavolo and Barbatos looked at each other, having a conversation no one else could hear.
"I take it you rejected her proposition?"
Obviously.
You nodded and he cupped your face with a sad frown. Your heart skipped a beat.
"That's a pity, my love"
For a moment you moved away from him, too lost in your incredulity to answer or even acknowledge the crazy smile on the demoness's face, but, not even a second later, Diavolo brought you back to him and continued.
"She would've make a wonderful lady in waiting"
Huh?
"Wait, what?"
Both of you ignored the woman, who looked like she'd been slapped in the face with something rotten, which, in her mind, was probably accurate.
"I asked to serve you, my Lord, not the human..."
"Beware your words" interrupted Barbatos, his tail swishing behind him like a whip.
She stopped talking then, very obviously swallowing her opinions. Diavolo speaked again.
"By serving you, she'll serve me. Give her an opportunity to make you happy and, if she fails, we'll get rid of her"
What did he mean, get rid of her? You opened your mouth to ask, but he jerked his leg, making you jump. His smile was wide, but his eyes held a warning.
You decided to let it go.
"Okay"
Diavolo laughed as loud as he usually did, finally hugging you and ignoring both Barbatos's reprimanding glance and the demoness's sour expression.
But wait.
Wait.
He said 'lady in waiting'. Like... Uh...
Were you getting married?
Barbatos
'I'll be waiting in the classroom'
That's what his last message said.
And you'd never be dumb enough to reject that invitation. ¿Spending time with your boyfriend and eating his homemade cookies? Hell yeah!
You just had to be careful not to catch Beel's attention, avoiding the main hallways and hiding between the taller students, which were almost everyone.
By the time you finally arrived to the classroom (you got lost, but you'd never admit that to anyone), you were fairly sure all of your classmates had already gone home.
Alas, you were wrong.
Barbatos's figure was as composed as ever, but you knew him just enough to know how irritated he actually was. Were you this late? It was never your intention!
But no, no, that wasn't the root of the problem.
You knew her, kinda. Not personally, but you'd seen her a lot of times in the castle, cleaning plates in the kitchen or clearing up the table after one of Diavolo's dinner parties. She looked weird in the school's uniform instead of the one the maids used, but you guessed they too had to go to RAD, just like the brothers did.
So why did Barbatos look so uncomfortable?
Both of them stared at you when you entered, walking towards him while staring at her in search of an explanation.
"MC! You're finally here"
He smiled at you with candid eyes, discreetly holding your hand and restraining himself from kissing you in front of the girl, who cleared her throat to break the moment and grinned at Barbatos like you weren't there at all.
Foolish mistake if you'd ever seen one.
Your boyfriend frowned before turning in her direction, clearly giving her one last oportunity before kicking her out of there and reclaiming his alone time with you.
The girl purposely made herself meek, lowering her gaze as if making visual contact with him was too much, something you could totally understand.
"Master Barbatos, please, I'm begging you. I just wish to learn"
You raised your eyebrows and waited for his answer. Instead, she kept talking.
"I'll follow every one of your orders, sir, I promise" arms behind her back and body slightly swaying, you now understood why he was in the edge of snapping "The others don't appreciate you as much as I do. I'll be your best student"
He stared at her, you stared at her, she stared at him, batting her lashes with a weirdly fake innocent smile.
Her demeanor vanished when the Royal Butler spoke.
"I recomend you stop this nonsense at once" he finally said, breaking the uncomfortable silence "You're embarrassing yourself and Lord Diavolo's service's good reputation"
The poor maid gaped like a fish, although you weren't feeling bad for her.
You stayed behind him, closing the distance as much as possible while staring at her over his shoulder. If you ate a cookie now, would it be too much? He'd probably forgive you, but you'd rather not risk your chances.
"You will stay on cleaning duty as long as I say and you will stop the rumors that I know have been traveling all around the castle"
She lowered her gaze again, this time in submission and humiliation. His voice sounded venomous and you could swear the room's temperature dropped a few degrees. The air was still and smelled damped and rottening.
"If the gossip hasn't disappear by midnight, rest assured, I will make sure you keep your mouth fully shut"
The threat was clear in his words, something that shouldn't, but still surprised you. The maid trembled in response before bowing and running out the classroom.
You stared at the door in surprise, not turning around until he talked again.
"Do forgive me, my dear, but you know how much I dispise rats"
He sounded scarier than ever, letting his forked tongue slip between his teeth before he searched around the room, like he was trying to find more pests.
Then, he turned to you and smiled like nothing happened, holding a cookie to your mouth as the tips of his gloved fingers caressed your jaw.
"Let's forget about this ordeal, MC. After all, I saved these just for you"
Solomon
If there was something worse than feeling jealous, it was Solomon knowing you were jealous.
You thought you could catch a break, uh? Well, you couldn't be more wrong: your boyfriend knew the moment he saw you staring at that witch.
She was cute, you guessed? Nothing exceptional, but not hideous either. You wouldn't mind at all if not for the fact that she used her appearance like a nuclear weapon.
"Oh, you're so cute!" she'd told you once "I wish I was as cute as you!"
And at first you thought nothing of it. She was just being nice! A little weird about it, sure, but who wasn't weird in RAD?
Except, she wasn't looking at you when she said that, but, instead, at your boyfriend.
Of course, Solomon, unbothered as ever, was too engrossed in the cooking book he'd borrowed from the library to pay attention.
(Later that night you had to order takeout, but you were already counting on that).
The point was: she was trying too hard. You couldn't blame her, really, you dated Solomon for a reason; but still. She was getting on your nerves.
"I'm so dumb... I'll never get it! Solomon, can you help me with this?"
Opening a door with magic? Difficult? Yeah, right.
"I've never dated a human before... How is it, MC? I bet Solomon is a great boyfriend"
He has his moments.
"Solomon! Sit with me, I saved you a seat! Why? Oh, I concentrate better when you're here!"
Shit, could she concentrate at all?
"You're so powerful! You'll have to let me have him for a night, MC! He could teach me a couple of things..."
You closed your fist, staring at her with a frown while talking yourself out of mauling her across the table. You didn't need Lucifer's rants about impropriety and self restraint on top of all of this.
"MC and I have a lesson tonight" the sorcerer said with a polite smile, unusually kind eyes and an unreadable expression "Would you like to tag along?"
She sighed and rolled her eyes, lowering her gaze in embarrassment, although you weren't sure if she was really embarrassed.
"Could we hang out alone, tho? I don't want MC to see how dumb I am. They're so much better than me! I bet I need you more than they do!"
Well, you didn't need to study with her to know she was dumb as bricks.
You looked at Solomon, opening your eyes so much in bewilderment that even the insides of your cornea were getting dry. Not a second later he turned to you, smiling with mischief, and then you remembered who were you actually dating.
"It's either this or nothing. Be in Purgatory Hall at 6, we won't be waiting for you"
The witch quickly looked at you, frustrated at his words. It wasn't ideal, you knew, thirdwheeling your crush and his partner in a study date, but what else did she expect? Every other option was plain stupid.
"Okay"
She snorted, trying to hide the disgust and disappoinment without much success. Once she left you alone, swaying her hips and her ponytail, you punched Solomon in the arm and reveled in his pain.
"MC!! Relax!"
"Don't tell me to relax!"
You tried to choke him, but he hid his neck under his shoulders before you could lift yourself to reach him better. He knew you too well.
"MC, I have an idea! You'll like it, believe me!"
"Oh, really?"
"I swear!"
Once free from your attacks, Solomon avoided your eyes and stared at his hands. It took him a couple of seconds before he could look at you again, cheeks red, while he spoke from his heart.
"I couldn't care less about her attempts, MC, but she's obviously making you uncomfortable. I won't let this keep going if I can do something about it"
"But why did you invite her to our lesson, then?"
He laughed in a carefree manner, still blushing while he took your hands in his, looking at you like he was about to uncover a precious secret.
"As your teacher, I want you to explore your potential to the maximum"
His voice lowered to a whisper and you got closer to him, letting your body shiver when his breath caressed the skin of your neck.
"Say, MC, wouldn't you like to have your very own training dummy?"
Simeon
Oh, the privileges of being friends with the most powerful demons in the Devildom.
All you had to do was pout a little and act like you were miserable, missing the warmth of the sun and the familiar scenery of the human world. Of course, all of them knew you were exaggerating, but none would take the risk of actually making you sad.
So there you were, waiting for your drinks while Simeon sunbathed outside, sitting in one of those ornate metal chairs and writing some loose ideas for his next book in a napkin. After all, you'd be crazy if you ever went to the human realm without using the opportunity to have a date with your sweetheart of a boyfriend.
If not for the brightness of his suit, he would look like a college student from an old movie, all dreamy and focused in his own world.
And, apparently, you weren't the only one thinking that.
There were a group of girls outside the cafe, all of them young, maybe even fresh out of high school, staring at Simeon like he was some kind of celebrity. Maybe it was his angelic charisma? Maybe it was just his good looks? Whatever the reason, the girls seemed ready enough to conquer the world and they wanted to start with your boyfriend.
You studied your surroundings, realizing with an uncomfortable weigh in your chest just how busy the place was. There was no way you were getting your order in less than five minutes, even being the first in line, so the only thing you could do was wait and hope the girls wouldn't bother Simeon too much.
They stayed in a closed circle for a few moments until one of them finally dared to go and talk to him. She tried to sit in the second chair, but Simeon stopped her with a quick movement of his hand, probably saying he was saving it for you.
That made you laugh, but you were starting to get second hand embarrassment. You could tell she was trying hard to catch his attention, twirling her hair around her finger and hugging her waist to make her breasts look bigger.
You couldn't see Simeon's face, but, by the way he was scratching the paper, it was obvious he was losing focus on whatever he was previously writing, which would only make him irritated.
Fortunately, and rather rudely, the waitress finally gave you the styrofoam cups and immediately ignored you again, but you couldn't care less. The girl returned to her friends just as you stepped out of the cafe, letting you know part of what happened.
"He said he didn't know what part of him made him look interested in me" she snarled with a hint of hurt in her voice, trying to hide it with offense "That I should find someone that actually finds me entertaining"
Her friends gasped and you had to stop yourself from laughing. He wasn't usually that snappy, but she did interrupt his daydreaming.
"I don't even care what he thinks, he's just some dude! I can catch anyone I want, you know?"
Anyone but him, apparently, but the only thing her friends could do was agree.
Shaking your head and holding one drink in each hand, you stopped the eavesdropping and hurried towards him, leaning over his shoulder to kiss his cheek and smiling softly when he raised his hands to stroke your hair. He was warm from the sun, but he still curled close to you even after letting you sit next to him.
The girls audibly gasped at your actions, clearly offended by your presence as if Simeon would change his mind if they waited enough.
You couldn't bring yourself to pay them attention. Not when he was caressing your knuckles with such love in his touch and a feeling so deep in his eyes that it made your heart violently stop.
"So what were you writing?"
He smiled and eagerly showed you the napkin. By the time you turned around, the girls were already gone.
Tagging the party: @hello-gloomy @the-sassiest-toaster @hero-nii-blog @yourlocalyin @elaemae @eliciria @darkflowerav
Author's note:
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Simeon's part sucked the soul out of me (not in the good way), but at least it's well-written. Also, this will be the last part for now: I don't know Mephisto, Raphael or Thirteen enough, so they won't be in any of my posts (for now)
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lost-in-lamentation · 10 months
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he never imagined he'd show anyone this side of himself. but when it's you, he can't help but show you everything.
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a/n: starting the side character writing off with a bang! this is part two of the first sign of affection.
content: what do the side characters do when they want to show you they appreciate you?
warnings: once again, if physical touch isn't your thing, neither is this post. also, solomon is a sad boi.
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diavolo; he falls asleep around you.
the future king of devildom takes everything in stride. from RAD problems to royal affairs, diavolo has it all covered. but sometimes, even the ruler himself finds himself on the panicked side. he begins to seek you out when he finds himself standing on anxiety's edge; your presence relaxes him to the point where he can't fight off the tiredness that clings. as the papers get signed, diavolo's eyes start to droop, and he doesn't notice the way you shift yourself closer to catch him. he falls asleep on your shoulder before he knows it, and you allow him to rest as long as he needs.
later, when he stirs and lifts his head to look at you, you quickly coax it back to where it was, sending his heart racing. "go back to sleep, you need it."
"... thank you." diavolo relishes in the way your hand combs through his hair, taking a moment to breathe a sigh of relief.
═  ˎˊ˗
barbatos; he fiddles with your hands.
as diavolo's right hand man, barbatos barely ever has a second to spare. so when he extends you an invite to come and have a tea tasting session with him, you absolutely cannot decline. throughout the day, he hands you flavours upon flavours of tea, each time never failing to ask if you'd like to take some of the leaves back home for yourself. the two of you eventually sit in a comfortable silence, fingertips brushing when you reach for the tea pot at the same time. without a word, barbatos slips his gloves off and reaches for your hands, beginning to idly play with your fingers.
your eyes widen in surprise, but you allow him to continue. "you... you okay?"
barbatos doesn't take his eyes away from your hands. "please, indulge me for just a moment," he says softly, placing his palm on top of yours.
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simeon; he plays with your hair.
simeon is often a man of few words. after all, he can never get his d.d.d. to work when he wants to call or even text you. so instead, he goes the old-fashioned way and comes knocking on your door instead. his heart skips a beat when you usher him in, and time flies by without much effort. the two of you sit pressed into each other's sides, and simeon takes his chance when he notices how your head bobs up and down sleepily. his hand reaches up and begins to tenderly card his hand through your hair, chuckling at the wobbly grin you began making.
"that feels nice," you murmur, settling even further into his side.
simeon lightly nuzzles his face on the top of your head in return. "i'm glad."
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solomon; he cries in front of you.
for someone to have lived as long as solomon, emotions begin to blend together. he's long forgotten where the line between sadness and anger lies, and it shows when the sorcerer smiles at a situation that calls for a frown. you recall the story he told you long ago, remembering the way his expression wavered as he recounted his memories. you stand by his side now in silence; his voice falters as he tries to say anything to you. in response, you turn his face towards you, telling him to do what he has never done in front of anyone.
you bring him closer, wrapping your arms around him. "stop holding back. you're safe with me."
"safe with you," solomon whispers back. the dam breaks, and in your presence, solomon allows tears to fall for the first time in centuries.
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a/n: i love cat, if you couldn't tell.
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tomonana · 1 year
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Solomon is absolutely smitten with you. It’s deeper than just the human kinship, he’s fallen in love with you, watching you grow into a strong and powerful person during your time in the Devildom. Taking you on as his apprentice, hoping that you’ll see he can be as special as the demons and angels you care so much for. He’s lived a long life, but never before has he craved the love and affection from anyone that he does with you now. He watches as you put your life on the line for others, constantly doing your best to protect them. He’s so proud of you. Proud that a fellow human, his adorable apprentice, can survive without him.
And it breaks his heart.
You don’t need him, like he needs you. You can take care of yourself, co-exist with demons and angels with ease. His invitations for you to spend time with him, “in case you need a human to remind you of home” are mere facades for his ache to be loved by you. He loves you so much, and watches as you slip through his fingers into the hearts of others.
He never stood a chance, did he? A human competing for your heart against otherworldly beings. He watches quietly, a smile on his face as you fall in love with the suitor of your choosing.
And then he watches as you fall in love with them all over again.
He plays pretend for now. Solomon plays house with you, imagining that you’re his, as you look to him for help in the face of unfamiliarity.
He asks, he begs you to choose humanity when it comes to it.
Begs you to choose him.
Please, please choose him.
Just this once.
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onyourowndaisymae · 4 months
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mistletoe mayhem
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a/n: i wanted to get out a festive little piece before the holidays are over. sorry for the lack of posting-- i am so sleepy all the time. also i just got my wisdom teeth out so if this is nonsensical i do apologize. i am on several pain meds
characters + content: lucifer, satan, asmo, solomon, simeon x gn!reader
word count: ~1.3k
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prompt: it's christmas at the demon lord's castle. drinks are flowing, music is blasting, and you're caught up in the fun of the party with everyone in the main hall. when you slip away to grab yourself another drink, however, you collide with another body in the doorway. who is that? and what's that above your head, dangling from the doorway... is that... mistletoe?
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"Lucifer?"
colliding with the solid chest in front of you knocks some of the breath from your lungs. yet, you don't tumble to the unforgiving ground. you look up and see red eyes searching your face, gloved hands steadying you by the underside of your arms to keep you on your feet.
he breathes your name easily. "watch your step."
"my bad," you reply. you didn't even realize you were clutching the front of his coat until you let him go. lucifer's lips curl into an easy smirk as he crosses his arms.
you readjust your clothes and start to wander off with a polite nod, but his hand catches your arm again. "wait a moment."
"huh?"
his gloved finger points above you to the top of the doorframe. there, dangling above your head, is a bundle of mistletoe. you should have known lord diavolo would have the place decorated in such a way-- he'd been asking you for weeks about human traditions for the festive season. you must have told him about this one somewhere along the way. judging by the look on lucifer's face, he knows what exactly that leafy sprig means.
"mistletoe, is it not?" lucifer starts, then seems satisfied when you nod. "i owe you a kiss. if you'll allow it, of course." the smoothness of his offer makes your cheeks split with a delighted grin.
"i'd be offended if you didn't."
"and we can't have that, now can we? not during the holidays." and with that, his lips meet yours.
"Satan?"
a sharp swear hits your ears as strong hands catch you, gripping your shoulders with startling intensity as he somewhat forcibly props you back onto your own two feet.
satan's cheeks are flushed as he looks you up and down once more to make sure you're alright. his fingers find your shirt and dust you off once more for good measure.
"are you alright?"
"i'm okay," you answer, now secure in your own footing. "thank you for catching me."
"sorry for running into you in the first place."
there's a gap of silence. he shifts awkwardly on his feet, eyes flickering up above your heads to the top of the doorframe.
"is there something up there?" you ask. your gaze flits up above you to find a leafy sprig adorning the doorframe.
"if i'm not mistaken," satan says lowly, cheeks aflame and eyes darting from yours, "that's mistletoe. there's a human tradition where two people kiss if they're caught under it together-- i assume you've heard it?"
"i have."
there's another beat of silence where satan looks hesitant-- his body is angled towards yours, leaned in ever so slightly in interest, but his mouth doesn't move. the words won't come out. you can tell he's interested in the tradition, but he doesn't want to pressure you because of the tumble you almost took. you'd find it more endearing if it wasn't so silly.
"... do you want to give it a try? 'tis the season and all."
he lets out a breath you had noticed him holding and nods, scarlet in the cheeks as his fingers brush against yours. satan's lips find yours-- soft, grateful, melting into your touch as voices of your friends and family fade into the background.
"Asmo?"
"oh!"
two arms wind around your body, pressing you against him as the two of you fumble together lightly. you eventually find yourself unscathed and on your feet once more.
"sorry, hon, i didn't see you coming," asmo murmurs, fingers flitting over your form to help fix your hair and crumpled outfit.
"i'm sorry, too. i wasn't paying attention when i came around that corner. are you okay?"
"i'll be okay. now that i've got you alone, actually, i've been meaning to ask you about something."
a delighted little smile crosses his lips, and he takes your hands in his to coax you closer.
"anything, asmo. what's on your mind?"
"this whole mistletoe tradition solomon was telling me about, is it true? you really make out with someone under this plant? it sounds to me like one of the best human traditions i've heard in awhile."
"it's more of a kiss than a full make-out, but yes, sure, i do suppose it's an interesting tradition."
"and what's the plant look like?"
"uh, it's this leafy green little thing, usually tied up somewhere on the ceiling or in doorframes."
"like that?" asmo lifts a finger from your intertwined hands to point up with a devious grin. sure enough, above your head, you spot a sprig of mistletoe.
"you knew that was there, didn't you?"
"well i wanted to try out the tradition myself. and there's no one i'd rather do it with than you! so maybe i bumped into you on purpose to get you under here with me. is that so bad?"
as you find yourself leaning in to ring in the holiday season, you can't help but think maybe bumping into asmo under the mistletoe was a gift itself, even if it was a silly plot on his part.
"Solomon?"
"mc!"
your bodies bump together uncomfortably, and the two of you fumble together to stay standing. solomon's boyish laugh rings through the area, and you can't help but laugh a little yourself at the absurdity of almost bowling each other down on your way through the doorframe.
"are you alright?" he asks, giggles subsiding into a softness as his eyes scan you for any minor bruises or bumps.
"I'm alright. are you?"
"i am. better now that i have you alone."
"oh? and what is that supposed to mean?"
"did you happen to notice the mistletoe above us as you were walking this way?" solomon asks. your eyes drift upwards with his to see the plant hanging above your heads-- probably mistletoe, considering it's decorating the castle for the party, but honestly you'd never been close enough to know what it's really supposed to look like.
"not until now. assuming that's what that is."
"you think i'd lie about that?" he teases.
"oh, for sure. anything to get a kiss."
"ouch," solomon whines, pressing his hand against his chest to cover the emotional wound your words left. "i would never go so far as to deceive you. if i wanted a kiss, all i'd have to do is ask."
"that's true," you murmur, leaning in as he brushes his knuckles against your cheek.
silence.
"anyways," solomon starts, pulling away with a chesire grin and turning on his heel.
"solomon! you bastard! i thought you were gonna--!"
before you can protest further, his lips are on yours, grinning and kissing you senseless as he backs you up against that very doorframe-- to ensure you stay caught under the mistletoe, of course.
"Simeon?"
a gasp comes from the body you collide with, as sharp and unexpected as the collision you found yourself in. the body bumps into the doorframe with a muffled noise of surprise.
"oh, i'm so sorry! i didn't see you coming!" the apology is out of your mouth before simeon's fully steadied himself on his feet, but he's already chuckling jovially and reaching out to comfort you despite nearly tumbling to the ground.
"i'm sorry," he replies. "i should have been paying more attention."
he reaches behind him to adjust his cape, but his gloved fingers brush something caught in his hair and he frowns. you pull it out for him-- it's a decoration. leafy, green, christmas-y. you look above you to see the hook from which it hung in the doorframe now swinging empty after your collision.
"did i knock that over? i'll have to apologize to barbatos." simeon mutters. then, after a moment, "what is that?"
"mistletoe, i think."
"mistletoe?"
"it's a human realm plant," you tell the angel, twirling it in your fingers. "we hang it up around christmas time. it's for couples. when you stand underneath it together, you're supposed to kiss."
"oh," simeon answers quietly, cheeks heating up at your simple explanation. he looks pensive for a moment. "should i hang it back up?"
"huh?"
"well it sounds like a good excuse to kiss you, and i'm not one to let that chance pass me by. or can we just--?"
he gingerly slips the mistletoe from your fingers and holds it up above you, grinning bashfully. no more words are needed-- you answer the angel with a sweet kiss to mark the occasion.
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miiyochi · 7 months
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୨୧ # C.WARMING HEADCANONS 
feat. solomon x gn!mc | barbatos x gn!mc | simeon x gn!mc contents.  reader's body is not specified! , cockwarming, pet name usage! (my love), very soft u_u, exhib for sol if you squint, sub!mc, these guys are very touchy lol genre. headcanons/drabbles, smut words. 1367 note. I'm back !! sorry for disappearing for a while, got busy yada yada. have something that's surprisingly not JUST solomonzjzjzjz enjoy<3
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solomon. 𖦹
Solomon is an asshole, plain and simple. He loves doing things that'll rile you up. He loves watching you squirm under his gaze in embarrassment. Adores it when his words and especially his actions make you so nervous. It's adorable to him. He makes a game out of it.
So it's no wonder he'd suggest something so lewd. Only something like this would come out of his perverse mind. Though, you guess you're not any better nor innocent since you agreed to it— the idea of doing something so indecent in public is thrilling.
Solomon had proposed an idea to take you to one of the more empty classrooms that only get used sometimes and are locked most of the time. Sol loves mischief. It was easy for him to sneak into these rooms without anyone noticing. You wouldn't be so nervous about it if it were that alone.
Instead, Solomon had proposed a "fun" game, have you sit on his cock while he teases you— if you can get through it without letting out any moans or whines, he'll fuck you nicely<3. You'd be lying if your insides didn't get all fluttery at the idea of Solomon pounding into you with his fingers shoved into your mouth, trying to keep you quiet; it was too much of a tempting offer to decline.
So here you are, sitting on the empty teacher's chair on Solomon's lap. His cock buried deep into you with no movement besides the occasional twitch of him inside you. Solomon's lips lightly ghosted over your skin as his cold hands traced over your body. Your shirt was unbuttoned, and your pants and underwear were discarded onto the floor.
Solomon kissed your chest, his mouth finding your nipples and lightly sucking on it while his hand played with the other. His hands massaged your inner thighs, occasionally stroking his fingers against your sex. All the while, you had to bite your lip and endure as much as possible without a single moan— it was a bit of a struggle; you couldn't exactly help but move and wiggle your hips a little against Sol, who just smiled and firmly held onto your hips to keep you straddled down. Your breathing was uneven and heavy; you kept pulling Solomon into kisses to keep yourself from making any real noise.
Solomon was getting a kick out of this. He enjoyed being so close to you and could feel all of you— how warm you were, how soft your skin was, your breath against his skin when you kissed him. God, he loved you so much it was taking everything in him to not take you right here and there. You were also testing his patience, but soon enough, it'll pay off for both of you. He leans in closer to kiss your temple before whispering,
"You're being so good for me, my love. I'll be sure to reward you, okay?"
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barbatos. 𖦹
Barbatos took pleasure in teasing you from time to time. With how much work he does daily, he forgets just how cute you look when you’re fidgeting under him.
Barbatos misses you dearly throughout the day. His only solace is knowing you’re waiting to come over to the castle in what seems to be the dead of night for the devildom. He’d come to the house of lamentation to escort you back himself, his hands never leaving the small of your back. Barbatos keeps you close. You can sense the longing and desire of him.
When you’re finally in the privacy of one of the extra bedrooms you frequent together, Barbatos offers to cuddle with you since that’s something you enjoy doing with him. Though. You had something a little different on your mind.
Hearing your idea, Barbatos simply chuckles to himself before saying,
“Oh, of course.” a pleasant smile forms on his lips, “I’ll take good care of you tonight, mc.”
Rarely does Barbatos ever find himself in such a sorry state. He was left in only his green button-up, with a few buttons undone. Barb's tie was discarded onto the floor; pants only tugged down to give enough room for you to sink onto his cock. Barbatos buried his face into the crook of your neck, leaving soft kisses as he trailed to your lips.
His hands gently caressed your bare skin. Barbatos was warm, comforting even– strange for a powerful demon such as himself. Yet, something about the care he poured into the moments he could be intimate with you was enough to overwhelm you. He’d whisper sweet words in your ear, telling you how much he missed your touch, scent, and everything about you. Your very being didn’t escape his mind once throughout his long day.
Barbatos is a man of restraint. He can easily contain his excitement, but Barbatos struggles a little in moments like these to keep himself from moving. He wants you to feel his adoration, his love, every part of him. Instead, his hands find your hips and pull you in even closer, as if trying to meld your bodies together into one being. You sigh out of pleasure when you feel him even deeper inside you.
When you press kisses all over his face, he lets you. When your hands help him out of his shirt, he lets you. When he feels you moving against him, trying to get any friction, he allows you. Barbatos can’t help the smile on his face, nor can he help that look of pure love blossoming in his eyes. Deep down, he knew sitting still like this was out of the question for you; he knew you good enough to know you’d crack eventually and silently beg for him.
Who is Barbatos to deny you? With a chaste kiss to the lips, Barbatos gently guides you onto your back, his hips finding rhythm against yours.
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Simeon 𖦹
Simeon’s nothing but a gentle lover. Every intimate moment shared with him is treated with delicacy on his part; he treats you like you’re the most precious thing he holds near and dear to his heart– which he does.
Simeon loves caring for you afterward; he’s attentive to your needs. Sometimes, though, he’ll take a little bit more time before he’ll break away from you to get you anything you might want. Water, snacks, a bath– anything really, but first, Simeon intends to hold you close.
Any ‘warming’ done with him is purely accidental and in the spur of the moment. It almost always happens right after the act itself. Simeon pulls you closer, having you lay on top of him while his arms wrap around you.
He presses kisses to the top of your head, small I love you slipping past his lips between each kiss. You can feel him have a semi inside you; he finds it quite embarrassing, but if you move and nudge him lightly, you may be able to incite him for another round.
If it’s not after, then it’s definitely during cuddling. Though you’ll mostly initiate that. All you have to do is whisper into Simeon’s ear,
“Simeon…I want to feel you. More of you, please?” with pleading eyes that Simeon could never resist.
Simeon likes facing you when cuddling, so doing this felt much more intimate than actually fucking (lol). Once he’s inside you, he becomes so bashful at it. He smiles a lot, kissing you a bunch.
The back of your hand, each knuckle, cheek kisses that’ll trail up to your forehead and down to your lips. Kiss him back, and you’ll hear the prettiest sighs and hums from him.
Play with his hair during this, too; if you want to see him melt, you feel incredibly soft despite what you’re doing. Any moment with Simeon will have you like this, but something about being so close to him makes your head spin.
It must be the same for Simeon because he can’t help but mutter words of sentimentality.
“being able to do something like this…especially with someone like you, I..” Simeon pauses before chuckling, his hand reaching up to caress your cheek. “mc, I love you dearly. That’s all I’m trying to say.”
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thank you for reading, rbs appreciated&lt;3    m.list
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mammonsrockstargf · 12 days
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Thinking of Solomon with an MC who’s obsessed with trying to figure out where he was during certain time periods. Asking him about different myths and legends, fully expecting that he was there.
“Hey, Sol, did you ever meet Merlin?” you ask one day while lounging in his room. He looks up from his book. “Merlin’s a myth, MC,” he deadpans and you shrug. “So was hell up until a while ago,” you say and he sighs while putting his book down. “Well, I didn’t know him in person, but-“
Another time you’ll be reading about The Epic of Gilgamesh, but when you ask about it he just stares at you in disbelief. “What?” you’ll ask and he shakes his head. “MC, those are ancient stories. Why would you think I was alive during those times?”
You’ll nod and take a mental note. Sol wasn’t alive in 2700 B.C.
Your favorite though is asking him about other gods. Greek myths, Nordic myths, Egyptian myths. With little to no consideration that some of these things were happening at the same time and Solomon couldn’t possibly be at all these places simultaneously.
If the devil is alive then what stops Zeus or Odin from being as well? Solomon tells you that he doesn’t actually know but that he theorizes that whenever a religion has enough believers it becomes alive. Hence why Greek or Nordic gods haven’t been heard from in a while. You think it’s a simultaneously sad and interesting theory. “Imagine being a god and slowly feeling life slip away with your last believer,” you say one day with your head in his lap. His fingers combing through your hair momentarily stops. When you look up at him, you find him staring off into space with knitted brows. “Do you think we can meet Buddha?” you ask to lighten the mood and the man sighs in exasperation.
You enjoy watching his brain work while he's trying to summon memories. Sometimes you’ll hit a soft spot if you ask about a particularly brutal time period. You quickly realize that he doesn’t like talking about Macbeth or the 1300s. Those times you’ll kiss his face and apologize until the pain is washed away or at least put away for some time.
Living for as long as Solomon has isn’t easy. It’s a lonely existence. It’s hard for you to grasp, the fact that it isn’t just stories, but that he’s actually lived through these events.
One day the air in his room shifts and Solomon finds you glaring at him. He shifts uncomfortably, feeling like an ant under your gaze. “Sooo, what are you thinking about?” he asks, feeling himself grow smaller and smaller. He begins to wonder if you're actually trying to turn him into a bug.
“So, Sol. Where were you during The Second World War?”
a/n: this is a repost from my old blog! find my other stuff here
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Dating things with the obey me boys and Solomon
HeYy, this ones a little shorter than usual, sorry! and holy crap thank you for 40 followers! Y‘all are so sweet💋
These are small things you and the obey me boys do in your relationship! It’s kind of like small drabble ideas, but I hope you enjoy!
Lucifer
when he stays up late to work you bring him that sleep tea (yk the one he threatened you with) and then drag him to his bed while he‘s fast asleep
The next morning he‘s had an amazing nights rest and he doesn’t even know what happened
You like putting your cold hands under his shirt, or on his arm because this demon is always warm
You bought him one of those cheap candy necklaces as a joke but he wears it everywhere, everyday- he looks so happy wearing it too, even though it’s subtle
Mammon
You guys make each other handcrafted jewellery
He keeps all of it in a special box where he saves all the stuff you give him
Always when he holds your hands he intertwines his fingers with yours because it gives him reassurance that you won’t just disappear (coughhhh nightbringer)
In the morning you two literally brush your teeth while the other one is showering or something, and you list all the things you need to do today while he adds; „don’t forget to see me at my gig“ or „we also need to go shopping“; literally just some excuse to spend time with you
Leviathan
He‘s got a literal book of all your likes and dislikes, going from food to games, and always when he finds out something new, he scribbles it inside;
On a random Tuesday he pushes a gift box in your hand with something you really wanted without you even asking for it! Cutie
You make sure he gets his nutrients, so everytime he’s caught in a gaming session, you bring him food and spoonfeed him
He used to get really flustered but you do it so often he git used to it; just imagine:
„Fuck! Leronzo theres a huge spider right there! You have to destroy it!“ , Levi shouts, he slightly turns his head towards you, opens his mouth and lets you feed him, chews and starts shouting again.
Satan
You make him bookmarks that he doesn’t use, but instead he hangs them on his wall (or window) so that he can gaze at them
You probably style him, so that his outfits have a little bit of drip (sorry for that) and ever since then he looks wayyyyy more attractive
You guys name cats that you see on the street
Everytime you guys go on dates and you wear heels, you say that your feet hurt
So he made a habit of carrying you over his shoulder (like a sack), his hand around your legs, the other hand carrying your heels
Bonus points; if you’re wearing a shorter dress or skirt he puts his jacket around your legs first before carrying you- what a gentleman 🤭
Asmodeus
No matter how busy you are, every friday you guys have a spa date in his bathroom where you gossip and talk
Every time he has a new design idea he goes to you and shows you his work, because he trusts you the most obvi
Always when he does his makeup he lets you apply his lipstick because he likes the focused look on your face when you concentrate on his lips and his lips only
It‘s become a habit for him to randomly go into your room with news and just talk in the doorframe before leaving again-
Beelzebub
You guys have your own personal menu for almost every restaurant you frequent; in it you write the the name of a dish and put stars next to it, rating how much you like it with an additional picture with how it looks like
Every time he works out, he calls you to sit on his back while you do your own thing, and then he does his set of like 2000 push ups
When you go shopping he literally just holds all of your bags without complaining- and when you ask how you look in literally any outfit he says; „you look beautifu“l, EVERY SINGLE TIME
Belphegor
You made a habit of clipping back his really soft hair in some really girly pin while he sleeps because you think he looks cute
He always knows that you clip back his hair so always when he wakes up he saves the pins in a box, looking at it when he feels lonely
I‘m pretty sure Belphies actually a romantic, so every month he plans a super cheesy date for you guys, and he‘ll dress up all handsome and excitedly show you what he planned 😭
Super random but you two have matching pjs and matching socks- the pjs are like farm house animals and so are the socks-
Every time you can’t fall asleep he reads a fairytale to you and he actually changes the character voices
Solomon
You two 100% fight like a married couple, insulting each other, but when some third party person does it you guys give them the biggest glare ever
„You‘re such an idiot Solomon!“ you tell him after he explodes another potion. „Yeah Solomon, you’re an idiot!“ some random demon says, and suddenly you turn around towards them and give them the bitchiest glare ever.
You guys have really cheesy nicknames for each other as a joke; so he calls you scrumptious honeybun and you call him your sweet gum drop
You guys have so many inside jokes
Every time you guys say it, you start laughing histerically and everyone else is just like: 😟❓
Proofread!
All credits go to @belphieslavenderscentedpillow
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sheep-from-rad · 1 year
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How Solomon is fairing (Obey me Nightbringer)
Note: It's been a while since I wrote something Obey me related. The new game got me in a chokehold and then at the same time Starrail got released! I guess I'll genshin later.
Warnings: None
Masterlist: [Obey me]
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Everyone is talking about how the brothers feel about your sudden disappearance but what about how Solomon feels? 
Solomon who…
                is torn between waiting for at Cocytus hall and wanting to pick you up from the House of Lamentation. Eventually he'll just go out after you go attend your duties, visit Simeon, and hope that he runs to you after the day.
Solomon who…
               knows that you're capable and powerful enough but can't help but worry because you were both at a disadvantage.
Solomon who…
               misses the warmth of Purgatory Hall and tries his hardest for Cocytus hall to feel the same. Sure he sees Simeon and Luke whenever he visits HOL but can't help but feel the invisible barriers that sets him apart from the two. He can't help but miss playing games with Luke and miss Simeon's nagging when he doesn't come down or when he misses his meals. 
Solomon who…
               misses the brothers from the original timeline. From time to time they get into fights but unlike this timeline where the two of you are thrown in, he can't help but also walk on eggshells given that they are not the same brothers before. He won't admit it but he also misses Diavolo, Barbatos, and the rest of the new exchange students. 
Solomon who…
               wonders if Thirteen already noticed that you and his presence are missing in the timeline. Maybe if she notices it and then she will be able to help the two of you to go home. 
Solomon who…
               tells you to be careful but always risks his immortal life to make new connections, gather information, and make backup plans in case you two suddenly need to run.
Solomon who…
               has healing magic always active on his non dominant hand and combative magic on the other in case some entity suddenly appears.
Solomon who…
               already made a routine of getting up at night to check on you in case you have nightmares. He knew that the comfort of the House of Lamentation is different from the new environment that is Cocytus Hall. The new home is not secured as the Purgatory Hall from the original timeline. It doesn't have the spells he carved around the house to make him sleep easy at night. 
Solomon who…
               burns most of his grimm on take outs because he knows his cooking is not the best and he doesn't want you slaving on a stove after a long day of working as an attendant.
Solomon who…
               knows that once the two of you come back to the original timeline, will be the one to blame for the shenanigans because of his shady deals.
Solomon who…
               wishes that he can just approach Barbatos about the time anomaly and the situation the two of you are in but can't because doing so will make a paradox that might end up harming you and the others.
Solomon who…
               knows that his intentions on helping and protecting are pure but can't help but despises himself because he thinks that he's using the situation as a leverage to be closer to your heart.
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Solomon: A person becomes more likable when they are clumsy or make mistakes; this is called the pratfall effect.
Diavolo, looking at Mc: You know, that actually makes a lot of sense sense.
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jokesterino · 2 years
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for my first tumblr post
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strawberry-cowmilk · 6 months
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your requests are open!! i swear, i cried a little bit when i read your fanfic about the brothers accidentally making mc cry😭 your fics are the only ones that could actually make me tear up:') i don't mind crying again, so is it okay if you do something similar for the dateables? no pressure though, please take your time!!
aww I'm sorry anon :(( please don't cry but yeah I can make a version of that fic for the other characters, I hope you like it!
the dateables after accidentally making mc cry
mc's gender is not mentioned, not proof read
content warnings: crying
-----
Diavolo
he kind of saw it coming but now that you're actually crying he realises he really messed up
diavolo goes 'nonono mc, don't cry' and he wants to hug you but he wonders if doing that right now is a good idea
he's just standing there awkwardly, unsure of what to do
the next day, diavolo makes sure your favorite dinner is served and leaves a little golden gift box on your desk
Barbatos
the average person who doesn't know barbatos well personally won't be able to tell, but he's feeling horribly guilty
he says 'I apologise' and then leaves you alone, if you don't want to see him he understands
meanwhile while you calm down on your own, barbatos is preparing one of his finest teas
he'll hand you a cup after you've stopped crying while apologising once again and then asks for your forgiveness
Simeon
he hates himself for making you cry like this
simeon sits down in front of you with his hands resting on your knees and tries to talk to you, but first he tells you how sorry he is
if you want a glass of water, he'll instantly get it for you
after you've stopped crying he apologises again and promises he'll never let things get this far ever again
chances are simeon will be thinking about this and regretting this for a long time though
Solomon
his first thought is 'I have to cheer mc up'
so kind of very awkwardly, he makes a book fly or something using magic and goes 'don't cry, look at the book over there'
if it actually helps he'll smile at you, if it doesn't he apologises and leaves you alone for a while
after you've stopped crying and calmed down, solomon will properly apologise for making you cry
solomon cares deeply for you, he'll go out and buy you a little pastry and if you like it he'll recreate it for you himself (run)
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temis-de-leon · 1 month
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What I would watch with the OM! cast:
Lucifer: How it's made (someone take him to a factory)
Mammon: Peaky Blinders (they speak his language)
Leviathan: MatPat's FNAF lore videos
Satan: Castle (I'd say Sherlock, but I prefer Castle)
Asmo: La isla de las tentaciones (a show full of couples trying not to cheat on each other; they fail)
Beelzebub: Nikocado Avocado (I want him to live the full human mukbang experience)
Belphegor: he'd fall asleep, but Rise of the Guardians (I think he'd like both Sandman and Pitch Black)
Diavolo: ATLA (he's like Aang fr)
Barbatos: National Geographic's snake documentaries (he needs to see some rats get eaten)
Solomon: anything Gordon Ramsay related or those tarot shows that only air at 3 a.m.
Simeon: Glee (the writing is horrible)
Luke: my brain says The Princess and the Frog (Tiana's cooking and hardworking attitude), but my heart says Supernatural (just because)
.
Masterlist
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daytaker · 3 months
Note
Hiiii! I’m the anon that asked for the MC’s family request and it was hilarious, 10/10 if you don’t mind May i possibly ask for a part 2 with the dateables? Thanks for reading!
(Part 1: The Brothers)
"Mom, Dad, these are my other four boyfriends and my son."
...is what you almost do say when there's a knock at the door a few weeks later while you're entertaining your parents, your sister, and teenage cousin who's stuck with your folks while your aunt is on a cruise. Your parents stare at you with faces that all but beg you to ignore the damn door. Is it that cult again?
"Open the door! Is it that cult again?" your sister asks with shining eyes. She's been discussing going backpacking across the country ever since she met those seven hot guys who apparently adore you now. Your parents are devastated.
"Cult?" asks your cousin, looking up from his Switch with dead eyes. Your sister starts explaining to him as you go to the door and look through the peephole.
Oh, Christ. Oh, fuck. Oh, son of Gardonus---it's the son of Gardonus.
Opening the door just partway, you see that it's not just Diavolo. No, he brought the whole crew with him. Barbatos, naturally, but also Solomon, Simeon, and even little Luke. Diavolo holds a bouquet of flowers and Luke has a covered platter that almost certainly contains some kind of cake.
"Hiiiii, guys..."
"MC! It's been too long!" laughs Diavolo in his booming voice.
"It's been...a month..." you concede. Why, just...why...do all these handsome men find you so alluring? This is just your cross to bear, apparently. "It isn't a great time though, so---"
"Is that them?" Your cousin is standing behind you, peering out the door.
"No, this is... Who the hell...? MC, don't tell me there are more of them?!" Your sister is clearly astounded, and also quite delighted. "Invite them in! Invite them in!"
So, soon you're standing in the middle of your tiny apartment again, surrounded by friends and family, holding flowers and a cake, and feeling like you'd love it if a chasm in the earth opened up and swallowed you.
"There were more?" Your mom sounds hurt, like you'd been intentionally hiding things from her. "How many more besides these?!"
"Arguably three, but I don't know them well enough for them to visit," you say, winking reassuringly to the nervous author.
"Oh my god, there's a kid?!" Your sister has noticed Luke now. "Holy shit! Whose is he?"
You point mutely to Simeon, who smiles uncomfortably and waves.
"I'm not a kid!" Luke protests. "I'm--"
"You're a pre-teen. We know, Luke. We know." Solomon laughs dangerously, and Luke doesn't put up any more arguments.
You clear your throat. God, this is even more uncomfortable than the last go-round.
"Um, so. Everyone, I'd like you to meet---"
(Individuals are below the cut!)
Diavolo
Diavolo, who was never good at standing by quietly while other people talked, steps forward before you have a time to do any introductions. He extends a hand to your father, who has been eyeing him resentfully all this time.
"You all must be MC's relatives. What a delightful person you've brought into this world! I am Diavolo. It's a pleasure to meet you."
"'Diavolo'?" your cousin mutters, looking at his Switch screen again. "Like from JoJo?"
Dia looks very confused, and as your father hasn't shaken his hand, he smiles awkwardly at you. "Perhaps I'm approaching this the wrong way? Are the customs here very different from...ahem. Where we are from?"
"You mean Italy?" your cousin says.
"Ah-- Yeah. Dia's Italian. People here are a lot less friendly," you tell him.
Your sister asks him how someone like him ended up in a cult.
You remind everyone that you were not in a cult.
"But you met my baby while they were away from home," Mom says accusingly, glaring at Diavolo. "When they were vulnerable and confused."
Diavolo has no idea what to say to that. Your dad is still glaring at him.
Solomon
"This is Solomon. He's---"
"I'm their mentor and closest companion," Solomon says helpfully, taking your hand. "We have a very special relationship."
You really wish that chasm would stop taking its sweet time and open up already.
"Mentor? Special relationship?" Dad finally speaks up, and his arms are crossed over his chest, his expression deadly serious.
"This must be your father," Solomon observes, still smiling. "Sir, it's an honor to finally meet you. I hope I have an opportunity to speak with you privately later. We have a lot to discuss."
Your mom is ready to throw hands with this guy. Your sister is enchanted. Your cousin is cursing under his breath at his Switch.
Solomon wraps an arm around your shoulders and you elbow him in the gut. He smiles through the pain but lets you go.
Simeon
"...Simeon. Simeon, these are my parents. This is my sister, and this is---"
"Is there some sort of attractiveness requirement to join this cult?" your sister asks, beaming at Simeon.
You remind her that there is no cult.
Surprisingly, your parents don't seem nearly as hostile to Simeon. Maybe it's that angelic charm at work. They both shake his hand, which is significantly more than they were willing to do with anyone else.
"Simeon, that's a good, decent name. What do you do for a living?"
"I own and operate a cafe."
Nice one, Simeon. Very smooth. And your parents look even more impressed.
"A business owner, eh? And at such a young age..."
No one points out to them that Simeon has probably been alive longer than humans have existed.
Luke
"...Luke!" He has a completely normal human name! High fives all around!
"And that's his father?" Mom points at Simeon. "He looks awfully young..."
"Oh, Luke's an orphan. Simeon's just his guardian. It's really sad actually. His parents died when their car careened off a cliff."
How did he end up living with a cult though, they want to know. That Simeon guy can't be a very responsible caregiver if he's living on the road.
You explain to your family (again) that they aren't in a cult, that Luke is a totally normal orphan child with a stable and loving home, and yes, Mom, he goes to school. Yes, Mom, he eats vegetables. No, Mom, you don't need to call DCFS.
"He's so cute," your sister coos.
"I am not!" Luke yaps.
"And he's shaking and everything! You know what he reminds me of?"
You rub your temples.
"A Chihuahua."
Barbatos
"This is, uh... This is..."
Barbatos smiles at you and offers not an iota of assistance. He finds this entire thing pretty funny.
"This is Barb... Barbados..."
"What, like the island?" your sister asks.
Yes.... Just like the island....
And yeah, he talks. Sometimes he talks a lot. I don't know why he isn't talking. Barbs, say something.
"It is an honor to finally meet your family, MC. What a charming collection of people."
"I like your hair," your cousin says, actually looking up for once. "And those are pretty sick beads."
You agree that Barbatos's human clothes are pretty sick.
Did you say human clothes? That was weird of you.
Your mother asks why everyone in the cult paints their nails besides Simeon and Luke. You tell her that there is no cult, but, uh, it's just a fashion thing. They just like it. Don't be judgmental.
Your cousin agrees. Don't be judgmental, Auntie. He paints his nails black. So, like, what, is he in a cult now?
You remind everyone that there is not and never was a cult.
Your cousin tries to give Barbatos his Tiktok and tumblr accounts, and Barbatos smiles very graciously but refuses on the grounds that he does not have a Tiktok or tumblr.
After you manage to get the group out of your apartment, shoving Solomon out as he farewells you as his adorable apprentice, you slam the door shut and lock it.
Your parents smile at each other, agreeing that you could do much worse than that nice Simeon boy. Your sister insists that she is going to backpack across the country with at least ten or eleven hot men, even if they do have a kid with them, and nobody is going to stop her. And your cousin has put down his Switch and is now designing a vampire OC that looks suspiciously like Barbatos.
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