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curlsofsagesmoke · 3 years

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TMNT (2012) characters as dysfunctional family roles

here I go again analyzing a kids show that ended four years ago. anyway, I saw a tiktok by user doinbigthink where they gave a quick overview of the six kinds of dysfunctional family roles, and I immediately thought of tmnt bc it’s my current hyperfixation. so I spent almost an hour doing research and writing up this analysis, as one does.

as a preface: dysfunction in a family can be caused by anything from someone struggling with addiction to a parent being abusive or unavailable/neglectful to someone having narcissistic personality disorder (npd) etc. etc. Usually there is one person who is the root cause of this (very deep seated) dysfunction and the others in the family (often the kids) fall into these roles in order to cope.

Leo: The Hero

The Hero is often the oldest child. They cope with the dysfunction in the family by being high achievers or perfectionists, and they need a sense of control in order to feel safe within the family. They are seen as very well-adjusted, balanced, and high-functional and are often used as an example of how well the family as a whole is doing. They may allow this misconception to continue (whether consciously or unconsciously) in order to hide the family’s problems. They may be parentified as children (that is, forced to take on a parental role for their younger siblings) and usually feel a lot of pressure to solve the family’s issues. With Leo in particular, you see these two behaviors in the way he approaches leading his brothers as well as the way he obsessed over bringing Karai into the family for Splinter’s sake after discovering her true identity. As an adult, the Hero is often drawn toward romantic partners who are emotionally unavailable (again, see Leo’s crush on Karai) and tend to throw themselves into their work (Leo’s obsession with ninjutsu)

Leo: The Golden Child

The Golden Child is not a dysfunctional family role but instead describes a relationship that develops between a parent/guardian with npd and one of the children in the family. In these cases, the parent tends to favor the Golden Child because the Golden Child exhibits all the traits the parent loves in themselves. In Splinter and Leo’s case, these characteristics are their devotion to ninjutsu, their general temperaments, and their more spiritual/mystic natures. There are MANY examples of this favoritism in TMNT canon; for example, Splinter teaching Leo his reiki technique (the healing hands) in “the deadly venom” because everyone things Leo is the most capable of learning such an advanced technique (in the episode, Donnie says that he doesn’t think anyone else on the team could’ve done what Leo did, i.e. using the healing hands on himself and saving the others from karai). The parent has a volatile relationship with the Golden Child and often their love is conditional (that is, the parent will favor the Golden Child as long as the Golden Child continues to act like the parent). Because of this, the Golden Child often has trouble establishing an independent identity (see: Raph calling Leo “Splinter Jr.”, though I can’t remember if this happens in 2012 or just in the 2003 version). The Golden Child may also participate in the narcissistic parent’s abuse against the other children in order to protect themself (this is less explicit in canon, but I think that Leo’s leadership style fits this bill)

Raph: The Scapegoat

The Scapegoat is often the second child. As the name suggests, they are often blamed for things that go wrong in the family regardless of whether it was actually their fault or not. Scapegoats are often very aware of their position in the family and as a result they may feel rejected, isolated, and unlovable. I think a good example of Raph feeling like this is the fact that, early in the show, he only openly expresses his emotions to Spike. Scapegoats learn that negative attention is better than no attention (especially from a parent/guardian) and they often engage in high risk behaviors such as sex, drugs, etc. (in Raph’s case, his reckless fighting style and the way he seeks out fights, and this also explains his temper and overall angry demeanor). Because of this, they tend to get into a lot of trouble and are often singled out as the child who needs individual help (aka therapy) even though the root problems lie with the family as a unit. In cases where the parent has npd the Scapegoat is often pitted against the Golden Child. This is called splitting and it is another way to distract from the family’s deeper issues. I feel like I don’t need to explain the way that Leo and Raph are pitted against each other.

Donnie: The Lost Child

The Lost Child, as the name implies, often fades into the background. Usually this is on purpose in an effort to keep themself safe, as they might be scared to draw attention to themself or rock the boat, especially in an abusive household. They may often feel ignored or neglected and are often described as loners who have difficulty developing social skills or self-esteem. Like the Hero, the Lost Child is often used as an example of the family’s stability and success because they aren’t causing trouble. They tend to struggle when forming friendships/romantic relationships, and they are usually praised for not needing a lot of attention/being independent. Because of this, they feel safer when they’re by themselves. Although Donnie does cause trouble sometimes (see: all the times he’s blown some shit up in the lab, the Mutagen man thing, etc.), he’s not seen as the troublemaker. Raph (and Mikey, to a certain extent) definitely takes that title. Donnie is often alone in his lab---working, admittedly, but he still tends to isolate himself, and he is often seen as the most socially awkward of the brothers (see: his relationship with April). There’s also this very interesting exchange from the episode “Enemy of My Enemy” when they’re in the Shellraiser and Leo is about to take the stealth bike to help Karai:

Raph: Hey, the stealth bike’s my thing. Leo: Now your thing is sucking it up. Donnie: Hey! That’s my thing!

Mikey: The Mascot

The Mascot is often the youngest child. They use humor and goofiness to diffuse tension and distract the family from their issues, though when this works, they feel increased pressure to continue to step in when things become tense or volatile. The Mascot acts from a place of anxiety and trauma, and they may have bouts of depression. They also tend to feel as though they cannot express their negative emotions (because they often see themselves as responsible for their family’s happiness). They tend to bend over backwards for people with little regard for their own safety/comfort, and they are drawn to intense and dysfunctional relationships (whether romantic or platonic) where they will be called upon to diffuse tension. This can be seen in the way Mikey approached his friendships with both Bradford (pre-mutation) and Leatherhead. Mikey is also very rarely shown as being sad, angry, or depressed the way that the other three are, and it’s only in times of extreme emotional distress (like the season two finale) where he drops his humor. Even in the midst of tough battles or tough situations, Mikey tends to insert himself into the middle of the tension and is almost constantly cracking jokes or trying to keep things lighthearted. When he does show more negative emotions, it’s in (mostly) one of two ways. One, giving comfort or seeking comfort, usually from Raph (again see the season two finale, where he hugs Raph to calm him down after Splinter “dies” and seeks comfort from Raph in the Party Wagon as they’re driving away from the city). Two, acting combative with Donnie.

Note: Mikey and Donnie acting combative

This second one in particular is really interesting to me because both Donnie and Mikey exhibit a level of comfort/feeling safe with each other that they don’t display with the other two. Mikey only ever gets physical with Donnie (their little slap fight in “Turtle Temper” or attacking him at the end of “The Creeping Doom”), while Donnie only ever purposefully antagonizes Mikey to get a reaction (slapping him in “Turtle Temper”, which prompts the slap fight, or teasingly insulting him at the end of “The Creeping Doom”, which prompts Mikey to attack him). Mikey likes to get under Raph’s skin, but he never retaliates when Raph gets physical with him. Donnie does occasionally argue with Raph and Leo, but usually backs down after Raph threatens him with violence (see “New Girl in Town”), and with Leo it never escalates past a verbal fight (see the season two finale, “the fourfold trap”). Actually, it seems that in Mikey’s and Donnie’s relationship, they take on the roles that you usually see in Raph’s and Mikey’s relationship. Mikey antagonizes Raph and Raph retaliates; similarly, Donnie antagonizes Mikey and Mikey retaliates, but neither of them would act this way toward their other two brothers.

Splinter: The Root of the Dysfunction

I’ve made a lot of allusions by now to Splinter having npd, or at least some narcissistic tendencies. There are many times where he shows favoritism toward Leo or acts in a very stubborn or even self-absorbed manner. In the season one finale, for example, he refuses to help the turtles fight and only leaves the lair after april is kidnapped by the shredder. In “the pulverizer returns”, he makes the turtles switch weapons (for literally no good reason), they almost die in a fight and switch back, and as punishment, he takes their weapons away entirely; this isn’t addressed in the episode, but i do believe that if they’d had their weapons, they could’ve prevented timothy from being mutated in this episode. (Admittedly there are times when he apologizes, admits he’s wrong, and changes his mind, which is why I hesitate to say he exhibits fully narcissistic behaviors). There’s also the physical aspect of their relationship. He’s teaching the turtles ninjutsu, so you can expect a very physical relationship in the form of training, but there are times when he causes the turtles pain for the sake of pain as punishment (e.g. randori, which we see a few times, or when he goes for their pressure points, or when he trips mikey in the episode “monkey brains”, or when he stabs raph with his cane in the episode “turtle temper”, and these are just the examples i can think of off the top of my head). There has been discourse in the fandom about whether these characters (splinter and raph in particular) are abusive, and i don’t want to get into that. However, i think it’s undeniable that splinter raised his kids with the intent to turn them into child soldiers, and also i fully believe that this (plus his parenting style) is the root of the dysfunction in the hamato family.

#I cannot believe I spent 45 minutes researching dysfunctional family roles and writing this up #anyway #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2012 #leonardo #michelangelo #donatello #raphael #splinter #Leo 2012 #donnie 2012 #Raph 2012 #Mikey 2012 #splinter 2012 #analysis

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robinofgothamcity · 3 years

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♡ prompt: “i thought you were dead? for years, i thought you were dead! and i hate that i still love you and never moved on!”

♡ pairing: tim drake (red robin) x fem! reader

♡ lyric inspiration: “you’re riding high in April, shot down in May but I know I’m going to change that tune when I’m back on top in June. I said that’s life and as funny as that may seem, some people get their kicks stomping on a dream.”

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / please check the pinned tweet please! since i’m very low on inspiration.

Tim Drake stared at you, mouth wide open, not knowing what to say or do. he felt like he saw a ghost. you were standing across the room, talking amongst others as they instantly crowded around you. everyone had thought the same thing Tim did and only a selective few knew about your whereabouts.

you were giving Dick a hug, whispering in his ear about how much you missed him as Damian stood there dumbfounded. Jason was not in the room or else you knew that he would be giving you an earful about the entire situation. Jason always did think of you as a sister when you first started dating Tim.

“what the fuck happened to you?” Damian screamed, finally coming into the realization of the situation, “you were dead! we saw you die! all of us did!” he continued. you bent down, giving him a hug as he didn’t bother to try and deny it.

“it’s a long story. i was under secrecy for a long time and couldn’t tell or say anything without me getting caught,” you told him. you looked to Dick who still couldn’t believe what was going on, “it must’ve been a monumental mission if you were technically dead for three years and I couldn’t know about it,” he replied.

you nodded, whispering to him that you’d tell them the details later, “is...he around?” you asked, referencing Tim. Dick moved a bit to the left, revealing the man you were still madly in love with. you felt yourself gulp, scared on his reaction, “oh god, I never realized how bad this is,” Dick whispered to himself, sensing the tension immediately.

you swinging around the Batcave, Batman clearly annoyed with your antics as you finally plopped down next to him, “aww c’mon Bruce! live a little! this Batcave is so depressing and need I say, dark?” you said, hearing the door jingle open.

“great, the boys are here,” he murmured, realizing that introductions had to happen between you and his sons. Bruce had taken you in a few months ago, under the guise that you needed a better mentor, “you haven’t met them, right?” he asked.

you shook your head no, “course I haven’t! it’s my first week in Gotham!” you exclaimed happily. you did hero work out of the west coast and happened to finally land in Gotham for the first time ever, “although I did run into Damian earlier in the week so I think he’ll recognize me!”

Tim and Dick were the ones who walked in, conversing about some Gotham football game. you smiled at the two boys as they stopped dead in their tracks, “uh....Bruce, who is this?” Dick asked, pointing at you. you stood up, shaking their hands, “I’m ( your name )! Bruce’s new apprentice!” you explained.

the two sighed, Dick’s first thought being if Alfred knew about you. Tim on the other hand didn’t exactly respond as quick. you were oddly excitable, not exactly the personality that ran rampant across the ‘family’, “apprentice or daughter?” Dick asked, a bit playfully.

“she’s an apprentice. no need to adopt someone who’s already an adult,” he replied as he stood up himself, “she came from the west coast so she doesn’t exactly know her way around here. it’d be helpful if one of you showed her around. I don’t trust Jason or Damian enough,” he said, walking to another one of the computers.

“Stephanie isn’t around?” Damian asked, walking inside of the cave, “she’s already acquainted with her and she isn’t available to do it right now so it’s up to Dick or you Tim,” Bruce repeated. Dick looked to his brother with his eyebrow lifted up, “well?” he asked Tim.

the two of them went to look at you who was already not paying attention to what was going on. you were nose deep into a computer with music blaring inside of your headphones, “I swear that girl has ADHD or something,” Damian murmured to his brothers, “but I think Drake should do it! you just love getting to know people, don’t you?” Damian pressured.

Bruce nodded in agreement, “it’s settled, you’re showing her around!” Tim stared at Damian, ready to attack the gremlin with his bare hands, “appreciate it Tim!” you yelled from your seat, surprising the three who thought you couldn’t hear what they were saying.

it was already a few months into your internship with the Batfamily. you had gotten closer with Jason, Stephanie, and because of your relationship with Dick, you befriended Starfire as well. even though your work was constantly surrounding you around Tim, you weren’t around him much unless it had to do with work.

“where you heading off too?” Jason asked, seeing you all dressed up, “Star, Barbara, and Steph wanted to go out for the night since we aren’t on duty so we’re going to get drinks up the street,” you told him. he nodded, looking to Tim and seeing the way he was checking you out, “why do you go with them, Tim?” he asked.

Tim looked at Jason with a bewildered expression, “why would I be the only guy in the group?” he asked sarcastically. you on the other hand jumped up in joy, “you should!” you exclaimed, “come on! it would be amazing! you know you want too!” you poked Tim’s side in anticipation.

he sighed, slipping a bit on the couch, “fine,” he muttered, making you excited all over again. you gave him a few minutes to get himself together, “you know he likes you, right?” Jason told you. you laughed out of genuine shock, “who? Tim? yeah right!” you let out another laugh, not believing he was lying to your face, “fine, don’t believe me but it’s pretty obvious.”

you couldn’t say much else as Tim walked out, hair restyled and threw on a different jacket, “ready?” he asked, hands deep in his pockets. you nodded, throwing Jason a scrap piece of paper before heading out the door as Dick walked inside, “meeting the girls?” he asked.

“yeah and I’m taking your brother as a hostage,” Dick was surprised, “did you finally?” he started to ask before Tim screamed at him to shut up, “how about we leave,” Tim told you, discreetly hitting Dick on the back of his leg as retaliation.

the two of you walked out as you told Tim that the place you usually went out with the girls was in walking distance, “I think they’re going to be surprised you even decided to leave your apartment,” you joked as he rolled his eyes playfully, “I don’t think they’ll mind. at least Stephanie can stop saying that I never go out,” he said.

you laughed softly, “yeah you might be going out with a bunch of girls but it sure beats being stuck inside playing video games or doing work,” you replied, “yeah, guess your right,” you two walked inside of the restaurant, already seeing Steph, Starfire, and Barbara sitting at the usual table.

the three girls had their mouth hanging as they saw you walking in with Tim, “he actually came out?” Barbara screamed, not believing Tim was actually out, “yeah, figured it was better than staying in for the night!” you said excitedly.

“I couldn’t even get him to come out with me at times and I dated him,” Steph murmured under her breath to Star. she laughed as you pulled chairs for you and Tim, “I’m getting first round of shots!” you told the group excitedly. Star and Barbara had followed you to the bar, leaving Steph and Tim in a small awkward silence

“you like her don’t you?” she asked. Tim nodded, figuring it was better to just tell the truth than to lie, “that’s cute! she’s a great girl. I’m happy you finally found someone else but I will say one thing, I think you better get a move on with your feels with her because I know a few others who have an interest in her and one might be on your team,” she said, not so subtly hinting at Connor.

Tim was taken back by what Stephanie was telling her but remained silent, “and I think she’d say yes on Connor so you better be quick,” she laughed, seeing Tim’s slightly jealous eyes. you returned to the table, giving everyone their glass as you raised yours in the air, “to Tim! for actually leaving his house for once!” you screamed as they all raised their glass and took the shot down.

throughout the night, Tim saw the way you were singing and dancing with Steph and Star, your terrible drunk singing voice getting louder as they played ‘poker face’ by lady gaga towards the end of the night.

you stared at Riddler, seeing that he was ready to attack Tim with full intentions to kill him. you debated for a moment, saving a few civilians from getting mildly hurt or seeing your boyfriend get killed? you chose the latter and ran to Tim who was not paying attention in the slightest at what Riddler was doing.

“Red!” you screamed, your feet moving as fast as they could and pushing him out of the way. you felt the slice of the knife into your stomach as you had successfully pushed Tim to safety, “fuck,” you whispered, seeing the blood already pooling underneath you.

although you getting hurt was already pre-planned, you had no intentions of getting hurt this badly, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” you continued, trying to grab your cape to stop the bleeding, Tim stared down at you, seeing the blood gushing at a rate too dangerous for his liking, “hold on, please hold on!” he screamed, moving you out of harms way.

Bruce had saw you giving him the signal, weakly but you still gave it to him. it was your only chance for your pre-planned mission to actually succeed and the start of that plan was to make you die in front of everyone. Bruce had swung down from the stairs, seeing the way your eyes closed.

“she needs to go to the hospital,” he told Tim, making him rush you to the hospital himself. he knew this was the only time he would be able to say his goodbyes to you and he need to make it count, “go now!” he yelled.

Tim dragged your almost lifeless body to the nearest hospital, screaming at the staff that you needed help immediately. the nurses grabbed your body, hauling it to the OR as Tim sat there, blood all over his uniform as he watched you get wheeled into the hallway.

it felt like hours by the time they gave an update to all of them. Bruce, Tim, Dick, Jason, Steph, Barbara, and Damian, were sitting in the waiting area, munching on food nervously as the nurse came out of the hallway, eyes bleary with tears.

“she didn’t make it out of surgery. she passed.”

all of them (for the exception of Bruce), immediately bursted into tears. Tim more than anyone had fell to the ground, having no control of his body as he screamed that it couldn’t be true and that you weren’t actually gone. a part of Bruce’s heart broke seeing his son having a mental breakdown but he knew for their safety and yours, he couldn’t say a word.

the following days were left to plan your funeral as the nurses who relied your wishes stated that you wanted a closed casket for no one, not even Tim, to see your dead body. Tim hadn’t spoken a word to anyone as he only spoke up when it came for him to plan your arrangements.

they buried your casket with your uniform laying on top of it as they all saw your casket get lower and lower to the ground. Tim was by this point sobbing as he couldn’t have cared who saw and who didn’t.

Dick grabbed Damian, moving themselves to another part of the room as you walked slowly to Tim. he had yet to say anything but as soon as you locked eyes with him, you both let out sobs to each other. Tim grabbed you by the arms, bringing you into a hug as he sobbed into your shoulders.

“what the fuck is going on?” he yelled, not knowing what to say, “I’m alive Timmy. I didn’t die that night,” you practically sobbed back to him. he released you, now anger and sadness crossing over him, “what the fuck do you mean you didn’t die?” he screamed, scaring Dick and Damian in the process.

you sat on the ground, trying to compose yourself, “I went on an undercover mission for league. I had to die in order to protect not only myself but all of you and the entire league. which explains why I look different,” you murmured the last part.

“I thought you were dead. for years, I thought you were dead! and I hate that I still love you and never moved on!” he exclaimed, seeing the way you stared at him heartbrokenly, “you think I wanted this to happen? it was for the betterment of the league if I took on this mission. I never wanted to leave you or Steph, hell I didn’t want to leave any of you but I had too! it broke my heart knowing what I had to do!” you yelled back.

Tim bent down, taking you into his arms, “what the hell are we going to do?” he whispered in your ear, not knowing how to respond to any of this rationally. you shrugged as the two of you tried to calm yourselves down from the hysterics you both were throwing, “I just need you here with me,” you whispered back.

Tim nodded, not releasing you from the hug you were giving him. “I won’t. I won’t let you go! not anymore!” he replied. you laughed through your tears as you heard someone else walk into the room.

“what the fuck.....” you heard Steph and Jason’s voice scream through the Batcave, “what the FUCK is going on?” they screamed in panic.

hehehe a cliffhanger

#DC comics #DC imagines #dc x reader #dc imagine #dc #Tim Drake #tim drake imagine #tim drake x reader #Tim Drake x Y/n #Red Robin #red robin x reader #comics #red robin imagine #red robin x y/n

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kabookiii · 3 years

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Hey what are other of your favorite animes? Or manga you’ve read? 🤔 I have nothing to watch/read now since aot took my heart and destroyed it into tiny pieces ;_;

I have watched and read too much anime in my life. I will give what I think most people would like. I can have odd taste so I’m going to be as vanilla as possible :)

This is the closest I can think a piece of literature is to AOT. If you haven’t read the manga Tokyo ghoul I would highly recommend reading it. Kaneki and Eren have a similar feel. There is an anime based on it but only season 1 is good, the other seasons no good animation wise and they didn’t follow the manga. I would recommend watching first season and then reading the manga. The art of the manga is beautiful. I have the illustrations book because I love Sui Ishida’s art work. You will cry with Tokyo Ghoul.

Anime - I have a lot of favorites. Some that I know others may not like and its okay. I will love in secret so I won’t share this time (nervous chuckle). These are a few but I will try to give diversity in genre. If you want something more specific or a specific genre please let me know.

Jujutsu Kaisen (action, mystery) if you haven't read or watched already then please watch.

Yona of the dawn- (Romance, Action) I love the anime. Only 1 season. I wished they gave me season 2 instead of ovas. Strong heroine even though she starts spoiled but she grows I promise.

Kaichou wa maid sama- one of my first romance anime. Will forever hold a special place in my heart along with Toradora, Lovely Complex, Nana, Skip Beat! Kamisama Kiss and Inu x Boku SS to name a few.

Fruits Basket (Romance, drama, mystery) 2 seasons complete. Season 3 recently released. The plot will initially feel cliche but it will get dark.

Haikyuu!!- volleyball sports anime- lovable characters

Made in abyss - mystery

Your lie in April- Drama, Music- if you want to cry watch this.

Kono Oto Tomare- (Music, Drama)- great anime about a traditional Japanese instrument 2 seasons.

Orange (Romance)- if you want to cry watch this. 1 season and ova the manga is good too.

Black Clover- the first episodes aren’t the most interesting as it gives backstory but it is good. It has comedy, action, romance and lovable characters. The anime ended with 170 episodes but the manga is ongoing and really good.

World Trigger (Action)- Best team fights and good world building. 2 seasons.

Noragami- only 1 season

Beyond the Boundary- only 1 season

Beastars- very unique plot. Only on Netflix

Parasyte (Horror, Drama).

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures- (Action)- Season 1 imo is weakest but the other seasons are good.

Mob Pyscho 100 (Action, Comedy)

Ouran High School Host Club (Comedy, Romance)- funny characters that will help cure our depression. Also Kaguya-sama love is war is a good romcon.

Re:Zero- (Isekai, drama, romance) if you haven’t watched already.

Dororo- one season only but it will give you feels. Only on amazon

Chihayafuru (Romance, sports- unique to Japan): Trio of friends and their friendship and love triangle is well executed. 3 seasons completed

Fate franchise- I would recommend starting by watching Fate/Zero first.

Hyouka- (Drama, Romance).

Ancient Magus Bride (romance)- only one season but animation is good.

Manga/Webtoons: To be honest I haven’t been reading as much manga as I did in the past. I find myself reading more webtoons/manhwa so I will suggest webtoons because I want others to love them like I do. I still love manga and always will too.

Tower of God- the webtoons is great with 300+ chapters. I love Bam. The anime came out but the webtoon is superb.

Solo Leveling- great fights that are beautifully drawn- webtoon

Omniscient Reader- art style gives me solo leveling vibes. I would recommend to read this after solo leveling.

The beginning after the end- the novel and webtoon is good, a lot of world building,

Unordinary- if you like superheroes then you will like this webtoon.

Lore Olympus- based on greek mythology the webtoon has beautiful artwork.

Chainsaw man- manga. Anime will be coming in the near future and will be animated by Mappa.

(I have read a lot of romance manga/webtoons that it will need a separate post/list so if you are interested please let me know and what kind of romance you are looking for ^^).

#jessanwers #I stayed vanilla #replies #please share your faves with me #watch funny anime to help ease your heart anonie

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bittybattybunny · 3 years

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I hope your not feeling down on your writing skills because I haven't caught up and commented on your latest releases. It's not you it's that I pick too many fanfics to follow and they all update a lot and I've been so busy and I've fallen behind on so many fics from various authors and sometimes my depression just makes me want to lie in bed all day doing nothing and it doesn't help I have to spend my limited spoons helping family everyday. I know these aren't good excuses, but I do sympathize with the lack of energy feeling at least. But your work really does bring a lot of joy to my life. It's so fun keeping up with your various AUs, and your latest one that features Kaya as Spider King has me really hyped because I want to learn more about Kaya, she's so fun! And Ruclipse is such a good comfort ship that just hits all the things I like seeing in a ship. You're so amazing and creative and it's awful that anyone would try to make you feel otherwise! Like your newest OC, Justin Tyme seems like such a lovable dumbass bastard. I love his wild, curly hair and his dapper outfit. I can't wait to see what dumb shit he gets himself into! I know this is really long and rambly, but I hope you know you have fans who genuinely love your work. I don't know if you're still thinking about that one comment you mentioned that got you really down, but honestly, fuck that guy. I don't know what they said but it must have been pure BS to have you doubting your hard earned art skills. I wish I could do more to prove you're awesome and that your fans really admire you, I just hope you don't stop sharing what you love because some rando was nasty for no good reason. Because we love what you do!

It's not like anyone one person nonny so please don't blame yourself. This has been an ongoing thing for a few months actually...

it's just a general thing over all lately like. I mentioned this in dm's with a friend but overall past few months I've had lower engagement overall with my works and it really does a number on my confidence. More so because like your latter point.

yes, I am still very much thinking about that one negative comment. Because that person also has the need to comment on other things and I even had a thing asking why I took a few weeks to update (when reality I posted to another ongoing fic and my TLC chapters are long chapters) and just the fact they could tear into a character (yes it was a comment on a character specifically and not even a main character it's a side character who has an important role for Snatcher's growth as a person down the line) then go saying "why didn't you update" when I posted a double update that week---

Like it lives in my head rent free and I want to literally cry because like the character is a focal in an upcoming chapter and I can't deal with another "why are they back" type thing. because "everyone finds them annoying"

And I'll be honest. it was Kaya. Like I've been trying to have fun with my BCU stuff with her as Spiderking because it's engaging for me and me and @/doodleimprovement even came up with a b-plot involving Kaya and Hattie trying to hook Nell and Marcus together and it's one of the best things as well as Kaya and Nell having a really good relationship.

but because of that one comment it makes me hesitant to do anything with Kaya despite she's one of my oldest ocs, my most thought out ocs and I adore her beyond anything. Like yes she's over powered and such and in TLC rn she comes off as a know it all, but upcoming chapters will show she's just a spacey kid who's trying to fit into a role others decided for her and isn't really as all mighty as she seems. Snatcher even ends up thinking of her as a little sister more than anything. Like fuck I'm even hesitant to share anything on her actual story despite how much work is in it. Like she's my favorite Oc (that's why shes my discord icon, and I'm pretty sure she's my twitter icon as well)

And like the points in the comment just. IDK they didn't fit to her, if anything the points are more suited to be shot at Eclipse.

Which is another thing I just get iffy on. I love RuClipse and everything with it. I love writing and drawing the dorks. But I'm now so afraid if Kaya could be attacked for only showing in a handful of chapters that don't even touch on who she is, when is someone going to finally tell me off on my wolf? who's going to tear into a character I pour a lot of personal shit into to try and comfort myself?

I use Ruclipse to deal with my own romantic heart, they are what I wish I could have so I love to write them, I hurt them but i like to make them happy in the end. Someone who can deal with your highs and lows. No ones perfect but you can still figure it out and love even the negative parts (I am a heavy romantic OTL)

he is in fact a lovable bastard. i have fun plans and he gives me an excuse for why Cel is so tired and having to be the brain cell and how she even wound up working with the time kids when she's so much older than they are. Currently I'm trying to think of how to use him and honestly I think he's gonna wind up hella comic relief fun guy who's just making a mess and do his own side story while Hat and Bow are busy in subcon----

thank you, I don't mind the rambly it kinda gave me a chance to get this off my chest... like I've typed this kinda response up time and time again and I always delete. I feel like I'm whining because I get upset but it's just, I spend so much time making things, I use all my spoons on either working or creating, I just want to know if it means anything but then negativity lives in my head because what's a functioning meat cube??? I try to stay positive but it's hard. Like another thing is Moon Guardian; the reason I haven't updated? because I have had someone bothering me about it. weekly I get asked about how I'm doing on it but it's not from a place of "want to read it" it's because I told them they couldn't post a certain thing until the chapter is done so it feels pressuring to constantly get asked because I feel the only reason they want to post is to boost their thing and I'm just the machine to boost it with my characters and comic.... like it feels they've taken the comic from me and it sucks because I have so many fun things planned. Like I accidentally went off on Nina about a thing with Alpine skyline and Eclipse as well as a thing with a Time Rift and a Jelly ghost.

Sorry kinda went off, just I've sat on this thought train since like early april. I've done my best to ignore it and just keep going but it's gotten really hard with the fact my health hasn't been really great. I've spent a lot of time lately bed bound because I just hurt so badly. if I'm not resting, I'm at my day job which is incredibly stressful rn as I only really work mornings and I see things that are being missed so then i report it and it still gets missed and i can't get it fixed after a point cuz we're back to full service and need the people so I can't nitpick but just.... I'm bitter okay like if I left this shit when I worked I would have gotten yelled at but now we just let it slide??? and this stresses me out which then causes my body to freak out because I'm stressed which puts me in more pain. and then like at work have people acting shocked I have my cane or soemthing and just skfdslkfksdf

so my energy is so tanked. and then the negative comment in my head, no idea if people like things cuz I have no idea if I hear nothing, just has had me doubting why post. Like I should go back to just not posting my stories and sketches or w/e and slink back to my hole like I was before.

idk Its just. a bad night in the house of bun. I've had these thoughts festering and I guess today was the dam breaking. It's probs cuz I'm nervous posting Chimeras because it's a very dark au.

#ask #anon #not art #long post #sorry im just in a bad spot tonight I guess #like i started my day pretty okay but somewhere along the way it nose dived and I'm just trying to not cry in my room

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scotianostra · 3 years

Video

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Johnny Ramensky, the Scottish safe cracker was born on April 6th 1905 in Glenboig, Lanarkshire.

This is the type of story that would make a great film, so settle down to enjoy the life of the man born Jonas Ramanauckas, who became known as John Ramsay, Gentleman Johnny, and Gentle Johnny

His father was a miner who died when Johnny was young and the young Ramensky also became a miner. It was while he was down the pit that he learned his skills with dynamite which were to prove so useful to him in later years.

Johnny drifted in and out of trouble from the age of eleven and moved to the Gorbals area of Glasgow during the Depression with his mother and two sisters. He developed an amazing physical strength and acrobatic ability but in order to obtain some money, he became a burglar, specializing in robberies involving climbing up external rone-pipes to gain entry to premises. He also developed skills in picking locks and safe-cracking with explosives.

While his activities were criminal, he had his own code of conduct and raided business premises rather than people's homes. And when he was caught, he never resisted arrest. His philosophy seemed to be "if you are caught, you are caught - it's all part of the job".

His life of detention began at age 18 when he was given a term in Borstal but later he served various terms in both Barlinnie and Peterhead Prisons. He eventually spent more time behind bars than outside. It's often easy to sentimentalise and sugar-coat the past, there was something about him which meant that even the police who snared him and the courts which he frequented as regularly as others visit their local supermarket, regarded him as somebody who was more interested in eluding an alarm and breaking a code than becoming rich from his forays.

Johnny was married during one of his spells out of prison and the couple had a baby daughter. But in 1934, while he was serving a sentence in Peterhead, he was told that his young wife was dead. He was refused permission to attend the funeral and Johnny's sense of justice was outraged. So he made the first of many escapes from the prison.

In 1942, he was serving yet another jail sentence in Peterhead Prison. The army offered to give him special commando training and Johnny accepted. After all, it meant he was out of prison, earning a wage - and fighting for his country. Part of a crack commando unit, he was dropped behind enemy lines and used his skills with both explosives and burglary to good effect, stealing important German documents.

During the war in Italy, he entered Rome with the first troops to reach the city and blew open the safes in 14 foreign embassies - all in one day!

For his commando service and dangerous exploits, he was awarded the Military Medal and given a free pardon at the end of the war. But not longer after his return to Glasgow he was back to his life of burglary and was caught and jailed again.

In November 1955 he was sentenced to 10 years’ "preventive detention" at Peterhead Prison, which should have given him a few privileges. But he found there were none. He served over two years with exemplary conduct and still there was no move to the better conditions of "preventive detention". So Johnny responded in the only way he knew how - he escaped. Of course, he was later recaptured but he was at least given an opportunity to put his case to the prison authorities - which achieved nothing. Johnny escaped (and was recaptured) from Peterhead (Scotland's strongest jail) no less than five times including three times in 1958. Sometimes the prison warders didn't know whether he was inside or outside the prison. His fifth escape evoked wide-spread sympathy amongst the public which was illustrated by a song "The Ballad of Johnny Ramensky" by Norman Buchan (a Member of Parliament), which was printed in the Scotsman newspaper, and another musical tribute, Let Ramensky Go, was penned by none other than Roddy McMillan, the star of Para Handy.

Not long after starting a prison sentence in Barlinnie in Glasgow, Johnny was in the exercise yard and suddenly threw off his boots and shot up the wall, using cracks in the mortar as toe-holds. He reached a roof - but could get no further. Equally, the warders couldn't get him down - and Johnny was demanding to see the Chief of the Prisons Department! Attempts to reach the roof were met by a barrage of roof slates - watched by a growing audience outside the prison walls. He stayed out on the roof for five hours, eventually coming down when it started to get cold.

In 1962 Detective Superintendent Robert Colquhoun (retired), said "Like most policemen who have come in contact with Ramensky, I find him an engaging character, the kind of man who, applying his brain to another, more acceptable, type of occupation, could probably have made good." Before he had retired, DS Colquhoun received a message from Johnny (who was once more in prison). He had heard that the policeman was seriously ill. The message contained his good wishes for his speedy recovery, plus the advice that he’d been taking too much out of himself chasing Johnny around! As he grew older and the escapes continued one question was being asked: Why does he keep on doing it, at his age and in his state of health? A police officer who knew him well said "Johnny never expects to get far when he breaks out now ... he's just got to do it to prove that he still can."

Johnny remarried and started a second family during his all too short periods out of prison but persisted in his life of crime into his old age - by which time his abilities as a cat burglar were beginning to fail him. In 1972 he collapsed in Perth Prison and died shortly after in hospital. In addition to his family, the many people who attended his funeral came from both the law enforcement and the law breaking sides of society. Whatever his faults, Johnny Ramensky was respected by them all. His obituary appeared in every Scottish national newspaper.

That's not the end of Johnny Gently though, he lives on at Peterhead Prison, now a museum where Ramensky served so many years behind bars, has created a exhibition space which highlights different aspects of his career.

I couldnae find the Roddy McMillan version of Lat Ramensky Go, but former BBC Young Traditional Musician of the Year, Claire Harings makes a great job of singing it, the lyrics below are the original version, Claire sings a slightly different version.

Let Ramensky Go

There was a lad in Glesga town, Ramensky was his name Johnny didnae know it then but he was set for fame

Now Johnny was a gentle lad, there was only one thing wrong He had an itch to strike it rich and trouble came along He did a wee bit job or two, he blew them open wide But they caught him and they tried him and they bunged him right inside

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh Open up your prison gates And let Ramensky go

And when they let him out he said he'd do his best but then He yielded tae temptation and they bunged him in again Now Johnny made the headlines, entertained the boys below When he climbed up tae the prison roof and gave a one-man show

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh Open up your prison gates And let Ramensky go

But when the war was raging the brass-hats had a plan Tae purloin some information, but they couldnae find a man So they nobbled John in prison, asked if he would take a chance Then they dropped him in a parachute beyond the coast of France

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh Open up your prison gates And let Ramensky go

Then Johnny was a hero, they shook him by the hand For stealing secret documents frae the German High Command So Johnny was rewarded for the job he did sae well They granted him a pardon frae the prison and the cell

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh Open up your prison gates And let Ramensky go

But Johnny was in error when he tried his hand once more For they caught him at a blastin', and it wasnae worth the score

The jury pled for mercy, but the judge's voice was heard Ten years without remission, and that's my final word Ten years, my lord, that's far too long, wee Johnny cried in vain For if you send me up for ten I'll never come out again

Oh give me another chance, my lord, I'm tellin' you no lie But if you send me up for ten I'll sicken and I'll die

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh Open up your prison gates And let Ramensky go

Now Peterhead's a fortress, its walls are thick and stout But it couldnae hold wee Johnny when he felt like walking out Five times he took a powder, he left them in a fix And every day they sweat and pray in case he makes it six

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh Open up your prison gates And let Ramensky go

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh Open up your prison gates And let Ramensky go..........

Here are some reports on him.......[1958:] Twelve hours after Johnny Ramensky had done his fifth and most baffling "vanishing act" in Peterhead jail yesterday it was not known whether he was INSIDE or OUTSIDE the prison. This was admitted late last night by a Scottish Home Department spokesman. Here is the sequence of events leading up to the cracksman's third escape in ten months.

Because of rain, 45 prisoners, including Ramensky, were being exercised in one of Peterhead's large prison halls. At 1.40, the exercise ended and the squad began a 50 to 70-yard march, in organised lines to the tailor's shop. At 1.43, they arrived at the shop WITHOUT RAMENSKY.

The alarm was raised. Every corner of the prison was searched. But there was no trace of the "King of Peterhead". No rope or ladder with which he could have scaled the jail's 18-foot wall was found. One theory was that Ramensky had a key to the back door of the tailor's shop, which is only ten feet from the wall. For it is believed that he had a key for the tailor's shop door on his October break-out. Out went the word to police all over the country:

"Ramensky's free again."

Two hunts went on - in swirling snow and at temperatures below freezing point - for the 53-year-old convict who, despite ill-health, had made another freedom bid. Throughout the whole of the North of Scotland road blocks and police checks sprang up. Tracker dogs went out. A strong cordon was thrown round the immediate prison area. For on his last bid in October, Ramensky was found, after 40 hours of freedom only 200 yards from the prison. It was ill-health that beat him then. He collapsed after a child spotted him in a barn.[...].

Last night people living in the Peterhead area spoke of him without fear. For he is known as "Gentle John" and those beside the prison take bets on how long he will stay free. His escape in February this year lasted 24 hours, before he was caught in Peterhead's main street wearing a warder's cap and a long black coat.

One question was being asked: Why does he keep on doing it, at his age and in his state of health? A police officer who knows him well said last night: "Johnny never expects to get far when he breaks out now ... he's just got to do it to prove that he still can.

"Here is a description of the clothes worn by the wartime Commando who cracked safes behind enemy lines: Brown moleskin trousers, brown battledress tunic, brown jersey, blue and white striped shirt, black leather shoes ... and possibly wearing a cap. (Daily Record, Dec 18)

The six-day hunt for gentle Johnny Ramensky was called-off last night. And baffled police admitted: "There are still no clues." [...] The authorities believe that 53-year-old Ramensky, if still alive, is bound to make a mistake sometime, or to leave a clue somewhere. It is understood that police opinion is split over the reason for the absence of a "trail." Some feel he is dead in the sea, but others are convinced he is in the Peterhead area, possibly quite near the prison, and is being fed and sheltered. (Daily Record, Dec 23)

[1959:] Johnny Ramensky (53), the safe-breaker who made a sensational jail-break from Peterhead prison, remaining at liberty for nine days, is back in prison. He was caught at Persley, on the north bank of the River Don about three miles from Aberdeen. A police spokesman said after the capture that Ramensky was looking wonderfully well, apart from being footsore, and considering the long period he had been on the run. He was dressed in blue dungarees and a green jersey and his shoes were cracked and torn. It is understood that no police charges are impending against Ramensky on account of his escape. There have been no reports of break-ins or thefts. His fifth escape has evoked wide-spread sympathy amongst the public. During the war Ramensky was an instructor to Allied agents in blowing safes. (Weekly Scotsman, Jan 2)

#scotland #scottish highlands #criminal #cat burglar #sage cracker #soldier #hero #escape artist #history #peterhead #barlinnie

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blackhakumen · 3 years

Text

Mini Fanfic #737: Binged Watching in April (Super Smash Bros Ultimate)

7:34 p.m. at Smash Mansion's Living Room........

Daisy: (Looking at the Time of her Phone While Sitting on the Sofa, Under a Blanket With Luigi ) ('Sigh') What is taking those guys so long with the pizzas and snacks? I'm already starving here!

Luigi: (Shrugs) Not sure. We could've left with them earlier.

Daisy: Yeah. But......(Place her Head on Luigi's Shoulder and Begins to Snuggle Onto Him) I don't wanna miss a single moment of our precious cuddle time!~

Luigi: (Chuckles Lightly and Ticklishly by Daisy's Cuddles)

Samus: (Made her Way to the Living Room Sofa While Wearing a Mini Jacket, Leather Jacket, and a Blue Skirt) 'Sup, losers. Cuddling your hearts out already?

Daisy: (Turns to Samus While Hugging Luigi) Yeah. We're actually waiting on Dedede, Cloud, and Tifa to come back with pizza and snacks so we can start binge watching an anime called "Your Lie in April"

Luigi: It's about a girl helping a boy she met at school, gain more confidence to play the piano again. You wanna watch it with us, Samus?

Samus: Sounds fun, but I can't. Going on a date with Chun-Li tonight.

Daisy: Ah. (Puts on a Teasing Smirk on her Face) So that's why you gotten yourself pretty tonight~

Luigi: (Happily Nodded in Agreement)

Samus: (Starts Blushing While Looking Away from the Couple) S-Shut up.

Dedede: (Happily Walks into the Living Room While Holding Up Two Boxes if Pizzas) Load and behold, y'all!! We're back home with pizza!

Cloud: (Holds up Two Grocery Bags in a Bored like Manner) And snacks.

Tifa: (Smiles Brightly While Holding Up Two Bottles of 2 Litter Sodas) And beverages!~

Daisy: Took you guys long enough. What happened?

Tifa: ('Sigh') Sorry. We would've been here sooner, but the lines at both the grocery store and the pizza place were ridiculously long.

Cloud: Doesn't help the fact that a certain king tried to sneak his hand inside one of the pizza boxes for a bite.

Dedede: (Glares at Cloud) Boy, don't even start. Y'all know how hungry I get in a short period of time.

Tifa: (Turns to Dedede) We gave you chips earlier.

Dedede: I uh.....(Starts Looking Away From Tifa While Rubbing The Back of his Head Back and Forth) Kinda swallow the bag whole.

Tifa: (Sighs Once More While Facepalming Herself) Dedede.......

Cloud: (Rolled his Eyes) Not surprised in the slightest.......

Samus: As much as I would love to stay and chat about the king's dumb eating habits......

Dedede: Hey!

Samus: I got a gorgeous lady to met.

Tifa: (Immediately Gets Excited) Ooh! You and Ms. Chun-Li are going on an another date tonight?~ Give me every details about it once you come back home tonight, 'kay?~

Samus: (Chuckles Lightly While Ruffling the top of Tifa's Hair) Will do, kiddo. You guys have fun with binge watching some piano related anime. (Walks Aways from the Group) Peace.

Luigi/Dedede: (Waves Goodbye to Samus) Bye, Samus/Girl!

Cloud: Later.

Tifa: Have fun!~

Daisy: (Went Back to Smirking Teasingly) Don't stay out too late doing you know what, young lady~ (Giggles Softly)

Samus: (Keeps Walking and Making her Way to the Door While Pointing a Middle Finger at Daisy)

'Door Close'

Daiay: ('Sighs Happily') That girl is too easy to tease sometimes......NOW WHO'S READY FOR SOME YOUR LIE IN APRIL!?

Tifa: (Pumps her Fist up into the Air) WOO!

Dedede: (Pumps his Fists Up into the Air as Well) I'M ALL HUNGRY AND READY!!

Cloud: (Simply Shrugs) Meh.

Tifa: (Giggles Softly While Bringing Cloud's Hand Up into the Air as Well) It's Cloud's cute way of saying he's ready too~

Luigi: (Takes a Look at Something on his Tablet) Daisy, are you sure we're ready to watch the whole show? It says here that it's one of the saddest anime of all time.

Daisy: Ah don't worry, sweetie. We've seen sadder stuff before. What's the worst this show is gonna give us?

Few Hours Later.......

Samus: (Makes her Way to the Living Room With her Girlfriend) I'm home! Chun-Li's here too.

Chun-Li: (Happily Waves Hello to Everyone) Hel- (Eyes Widened at What is in Front of her and Samus) -lo?

Samus: (Eyes Widened as Well) The hell?

TV Screen: (Plays Wacci by Kiraneki) Tsunaideitai te wa kimi no mono datta yo......

Everyone in the room is already crying each of their eyes out.

Daisy/Luigi: (Cries Loudly While Hugging Each Other Tightly) WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Daisy: LUIGIIIIIII!!

Luigi: ('Sniff') Y-Y-Yes, dear?

Daisy: ('Sniff') N-No matter.....('Sniff') What happens.....('Sniff') I'll ALWAYS love you!~

Luigi: ('Sniff') O-Oh Daisy~ ('Sniff') I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (Continues Crying with Daisy)

Tifa: (Tears Already Falling Down on her Face) Oh my gosh......('Sniff') This has to be the most beautifully tragic thing I've ever seen on TV.....('Sniff')

Cloud: ('Sniff')

Tifa: (Turns to Cloud) Cloud? ('Sniff') Honey, what's wrong? ('Sniff') Are you crying too?

Cloud: N-No. ('Sniff') I-I just.....('Sniff') (Starts Wiping the Tears Away) Got something in my eye.....('Sniff') it's all.....

Tifa: (Heart Begins to Break at the Sight of her Boyfriend in Tears) Oh Cloud.....(Pulls Cloud into a Loving Hug) It's okay....('Sniff') I'm right here. You don't need to hold it in any longer. I promise.

Cloud: ('Sniff') Please don't leave me......

Tifa: I won't leave you, Cloud! I promise! (Finally Begins to Cry Softly While Holding Onto to Cloud)

Dedede: (Cries Loudly While Being on his Knees) AHHHHAAHAAHAAAAAAAH!!! WHYYYYYYY! WHY IT HAS TO END THAT WAY, LADY PALUTENA!? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!?

Meanwhile in Palutena and Bayonetta's Room........

Palutena: (Starts Looking Around the Room a bit Curious While in her Bed with Bayonetta Together)

Bayonetta: (Kiss Palutena on the Cheek) Something wrong, dear?

Palutena: Not sure.....I could've sworn I heard Dedede calling out my name just now.

Bayonetta: Really? Wanna find out what's going on?

Palutena: (Simply Shrugs) Nah. It's probably nothing.

Bayonetta: (Puts on a Seductive Smirk on her Face) In that case~ (Went Back to Kissing her Goddess on the Lips)

Back at the Living Room........

Samus: (Still Couldn't Believe What She's Seeing in Front of Her) Honestly. I've been gone for hours and these fools are already crying their eyes out over some anime? ('Sigh') Can't you believe this, Chun-Li?...... Chun-Li?

Chun-Li: (Already in Tears While Trying her Hardest Not to Burst Out Crying) ('Sniff').........

Samus: (Immediately Gets Surprised Once She Sees her Girlfriend Crying) W-Woah! Babe! (Gently Place her Hands onto Chun-Li's Shoulders) W-What's wrong? Why are you crying?

Chun-Li: ('Sniff') Gomenasai......('Sniff') It's just that.....('Sniff') Your Lie in April........('Sniff') Li-Fen and I watched it last year.....('Sniff') It was so sad......(Hugs Samus Lovingly While Crying Softly into her Embrace)

Samus: (Hugs Chun-Li Back) Good Lord...... (Slowly Turns to the TV Screen) (Is the show really that depressing?)

Chun-Li: Sammy! ('Sniff')

Samus: (Quickly Turns Back to Chun-Li) Yeah, babe? What's wrong?

Chun-Li: ('Sniff') C-Can.....('Sniff') We.....('Sniff') Watch the show together at my place sometime.....('Sniff') You, me....('Sniff') And Li-Fen.....('Sniff') Please?.....('Sniff')

Samus; Sure thing. (Kiss the Top of Chun-Li's Forehead Before Hugging her Again) We can watch it anytime you want, 'hon.

Chun-Li: ('Sniff') Thank you......('Sniff') I love you so much!~ (Continue Crying Softly Onto Samus' Arms)

Samus: (Sighs While Smiling a Little) I love you too, Chun-Li. So much~

@keyenuta

@caleb13frede

@26shann

@miki-13

@ma-lemons

@albion-93

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just-emotional-trash · 4 years

Text

Here Comes the Sun

Summary: Patton has seasonal depression and can’t sleep, and Logan tries to help with cuddles and sweet words. It kinda works.

Pairings: Logicality

Words: 1113

Warnings: Patton is depressed, self depreciation, talk of not taking meds

Read on Ao3

...

Patton sighed and rolled over to look at his alarm clock. The numbers 5:45 flashed back at him with a harsh red light. Thinking there was no use in continuing trying to fall asleep, he stumbled out of bed and fished for his phone and earbuds, trying not to wake his boyfriend.

Padding his way out of his and Logan’s room, he walked toward the living room at the heart of the apartment he shared with his boyfriend and two best friends. He grabbed a blanket to rest around his shoulders as he pressed on the playlist labeled with a frowny face. He sat on a loveseat near the window and turned on the lamp beside him, hoping to find some peace in the city that stared back at him, unfeeling.

“Patton?” a gravelly voice called from behind him. “What are you doing up?”

Closing his eyes and sighing softly, he forced a smile and turned from the cold window to face Logan. “I could ask the same of you!”

“You know that I am a light sleeper, I felt you leave. What is the cause of your insomnia?”

Patton waved his hand, “I’m fine Lo, I just-”

“Sunshine, please.” Patton met his eyes, and he just couldn’t lie anymore. He let his face drop and patted the spot next to him. “Do you… require affection?” Logan said with such genuine confusion, Patton couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled from his chest.

Patton smiled up softly at his clueless boyfriend and responded, “Yes please.” Logan walked over to sit beside him and opened up his arms for Patton to snuggle into.

The pair laid there for a while, Patton listening to the other’s heartbeat in one ear and music in the other, and Logan gently running his hand through Patton’s wavy hair. Every so often, Logan would press a kiss to Patton’s forehead and he would respond by tapping his fingers against Logan’s side. After a long time had passed, Logan spoke up.

“Would you like to talk about it, Dear?”

Patton turned his face into Logan’s chest and sighed deeply before nodding. “I’m just so ready for winter to be over,” Patton said.

A divet formed in the space between Logan’s eyebrows. “It is the beginning of April, winter has been over for many days”

“I know. But then why do I still feel this way? I’m just… heavy. I feel sad and tired and weighed down by some invisible force.” said Patton in a voice so sad it twisted something in the pit of Logan’s stomach.

Logan looked out the window, to the dark city before them. “You have seasonal depression, Patton. It is only rational for you to feel this way.”

Patton shook his head and pulled back. “That’s just it! You said yourself, winter is already over! Its spring, and yet I still feel horrible. Why am I so screwed up when I’m supposed to start feeling better?”

Logan reached over and gently took Patton’s hand. “Well, winter is only over according to our calendar. But to your body, it may take some time before it begins to feel the effects of summer.” This only seemed to dishearten him more. Logan rushed to add some more reassurance. “That is to say, your feelings are understandable, and certainly do not mean you are ‘screwed up’.”

Patton only gave a weak smile and shrug in response.

“Have you been taking your antidepressants?” asked Logan. At this, Patton’s eyes widened somewhat before he looked away. A tense pause floated in the air, and he heard the song change in his earbud. “Darling, I won’t get mad or upset, but imperative that you continue taking your medication until cleared by Dr. Picani.”

Still not meeting his eyes, Patton shook his head. “I ran out a few days ago and felt bad getting more when I shouldn’t need them anymore.”

Hearing Logan sigh and let go of his hand, Patton curled in on himself slightly, ready for him to give up and leave Patton to cry alone. Instead, Logan leaned over the side of the chair and put up the footrest, then pulled Patton onto his chest.

“You never have to feel bad about needing assistance. There is no shortage of antidepressant medication, and you should take it for as long as you need. Furthermore, in the future, I would like you to talk to me before you spiral. I love you, and I wish to help you in any way possible. And Patton,” Logan gently placed his hand on Patton’s face and gently lifted it to meet his eyes. “I love you too much to lose you. You are not messed up. You are not overreacting. And you are worth all that you receive and so much more. Please take care of yourself, for me.”

Tears welled up in Patton’s eyes, which greatly alarmed his boyfriend. “Did I... say something wrong?” This elicited a laugh from a very emotional Patton.

“No Sweetie, you just said everything right. I’m just very overwhelmed, but I love you too. So much.”

Logan sighed in relief. “Would you like to talk about it now?”

Patton smiled back up at him. “Can we just… cuddle? I’m very emotionally drained and very tired.”

“Of course, my dear.” Patton offered his left earbud to Logan, who took it and placed it in his ear.

As Patton rested on Logan’s chest, he finally looked back outside to see the first rays of dawn peek out over the horizon. At the same time, “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles began playing from Patton’s phone. He smiled and closed his eyes, feeling comfortable, safe, and warm for the first time in a while.

…

Roman entered the living room at 8, still trying to rub the sleep from his eyes. It was a Saturday so he didn’t have work, but he had a lot of errands to run and he’d rather get them done sooner rather than later.

Just as he reached the door to the kitchen, he glanced to the side to find two of his friends tangled on their small couch. A fond smile grew on his face as Patton snored softly. He walked over and briefly considered waking them before taking the blanket off the floor next to them and covering the pair.

Before turning away, he took a picture (they were cute okay? Plus it would come in handy next time Logan got mad at him) and turned off the lamp.

Walking back to the kitchen, he texted the photo to Vigil, captioning it “Why don’t they just get married already?” and continued the beginning of his day.

~~~~~

Ya know I wrote a whole au for this oneshot in a google docs, so if this doesn’t flop I may write more in this universe.

#i was supposed to post this yesterday #oops #logicality #ts logicality #sanders sides #ts fanfic #logicality fic #patton sanders #logan sanders #ts logan #ts patton #logicality fluff

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dumplingfaye · 3 years

Text

AU Asta’s My r story (no song or lyrics)

Asta: (about to take his shoes off)

Mimosa: (about to jump)

Asta: (looks to her) HAY WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING⁉️

Mimosa: (blushes extremely heavily “taken aback”)

Asta: (thinking to himself) ‘wait a minute what did I just say it really doesn’t matter either way she got here before me for one reason or another actually I’m kind of annoyed that she is here today couldn’t she do it another day’

Mimosa: (blushes painfully) you probably heard it all before I I really thought the certain boy would be with me we get married turns out I’m just not his type

Asta: ARE YOU KIDDING ME THE NERVE YOU HAVE TO GET HERE BEFORE ME FOR A PITIFUL REASON SUCH AS THAT ARE YOU UPSET BECAUSE I REJECTED YOU

Mimosa: (blushes extremely heavily”nods“)

Asta:💢YOU’RE LUCKY THAT NO ONE EVER STOLE YOU’RE STUFF

Mimosa: (cries with a big bright smile) Thank you Asta (kisses him on the cheek)

Asta:.............maybe tomorrow will be a new day

(the next day)

Asta: (take his shoes off)(notices Noelle)

Noelle: (about to jump)

Asta: HAY WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING⁉️

Noelle: (taken aback)

Asta: (thinking to himself) ‘wait a minute what did I just say did I do it again I did it again come on Asta it really doesn’t matter either way she got here before me for one reason or another actually I’m kind of annoyed that she is here today couldn’t she do it another day’

Noelle: you probably heard it all before my family abuses me my siblings treat me bad everyone in school makes fun of me I don’t belong here everyone at home blames me for my mom’s death

Asta: ARE YOU KIDDING ME THE NERVE YOU HAVE TO GET HERE BEFORE ME FOR A PITIFUL REASON SUCH AS THAT............cause even so you are so loved by you’re brother at home there’s always dinner waiting on the table you know

Noelle: but it hurts you don’t understand I can’t continue on everyone doesn’t treat me right and it hurts

Asta: no you don’t understand you never worked a day in your life I worked all my life

Noelle: not true I work to be better but people constantly bring me down

Asta: do you have younger siblings that tell you you can never do anything right no matter how hard you try you just fail are you the oldest in you’re family and constantly look down upon because you’re so short

Noelle: uh......hmm (starts crying bright smile) i’m hungry I’m going home (kisses his cheek)

Asta:.............maybe tomorrow will be a new day

(the next day)

Finral: everyone in my family hates me

Asta: so what you’re brother is incredible so you’re just gonna let him make fun of you

Finral: don’t act so high and mighty I know you’re here for the exact same reason

Asta: huh what reason are you even talking about???

Finral: you know because you’re siblings make fun of you

Asta: no I’m not you don’t even know why am here in the first place stop acting like you do

Finral: well why are you here

Asta: yeah as if you care you only care about yourself

Finral: my family treats me so bad I can’t take the pain

Asta: don’t you have someone you love

Finral: (taken aback)

Asta: isn’t there someone you want to be with

Finral: I......

Asta: tell me don’t you want to make that girl you’re’s

Finral: I........(cries) I do thank you

Asta:.............maybe tomorrow will be a new day

(the next day)

Yuno: I am a prince I have a castle but I am an orphan my parents are dead I have everything and yet nothing at the same time

Asta: So..........you’re here because you want a family if that’s the case then why don’t you try to make you’re own family you know to make you’re parents happy even though they’re gone

Yuno: I guess I didn’t think of that (cries while smiling brightly) thank you stranger

Asta:.............maybe tomorrow will be a new day

(the next day)

Gray: My stepmother and stepsisters hate me

Asta: why do you care just run away find a friend and ask them if you can live with them at least for a little while until you can get you’re own home

Gray: can I live with you

Asta: we’re not friends besides my house is way too crowded for any more people to be there trust me it’s better if you just find a boyfriend after all you’re a pretty cute girl I’m sure someone will be happy to help you

Gray: Okay (cries a little “smiles slightly”)

Asta:.............maybe tomorrow will be a new day

(the next day)

Leopold: I’ll never be anything like my siblings my siblings are incredible and I’m not

Asta: I don’t care listen you aren’t anything like you’re brother and sister so be better than them you’ll never be anything like them because you’ll be better than them

Leopold: wow I’m surprised you caused my cousin so much pain I didn’t think you were an actual kind guy

Asta: why because I rejected her oh please she came here as well but I told her she was just being selfish after all both of you are rich beyond recognition you guys have parents siblings who love you. there are people who actually go through way worse than you do

Leopold: (cries smiles) I hope we can be friends No you’re my rival (put his fist on Asta’s chest)

Asta:.............maybe tomorrow will be a new day

“for the next year people will come to that spot and I would hear about what they had to say until one day”

Asta: (about to take his shoes off) (sees a person with long black hair” thinking to himself “ blushes) ‘is that? no it can’t be but what if it is‘ NACHT SENSEI

Nacht: Hmm Oh Hi Asta

Asta: uhh um what are you doing here???

Nacht: what are you doing here???

Asta: uhh just like looking at the view

Nacht: hmm i’m here for the same reason you are

Asta: to look at the view

Nacht: to kill myself like you

Asta: huh? what? why do you want to die???

Nacht: tell me Asta don’t you think it’s a bit strange

Asta: that you want to die

Nacht: no...... that everyone constantly came to the exact same place you were every single day and only one instead of everyone coming on the same day do you wanna know why

Asta: Why???

Nacht: because I made them feel horrible I told them how insecurity wasn’t healthy and that they would be better off dead

Asta: You Said That ⁉️

Nacht: WELL not exactly I mean I did tell them that insecurity was a bad thing but I didn’t say that they would be better off dead I just implied it

Asta: WHAT HOW ⁉️

Nacht: I told them that no one would care if they died and if maybe they did die someone would care for them for only a few minutes but those few minutes would be incredible

Asta: YOU’RE INSANE

Nacht: maybe but it’s their fault for listening to me do you want to know why I made them feel horrible

Asta: why did you do something so horrible why would you do that ⁉️

Nacht: because I know you were going through depression and you would’ve killed yourself and I figured that maybe you could’ve talk sense into them give them a reason to live

Asta: huh???

Nacht: I gave them a reason to die you gave them a reason to live but now there’s no more students left so I’m here instead give me a reason to live give me a reason to continue going please Asta

Asta: huh......I......I don’t.......I

Nacht: cat got you’re tongue?

Asta: why are you here???

Nacht: because my brother is dead

Asta: oh wow that’s why you wanna die

Nacht: disappointed???

Asta: well I mean yeah I heard the carbon copy of can’t stand my siblings they are bad. my parents are dead practically the entire year

Nacht: my parents are dead to

Asta: so you can’t keep on going on because life is difficult and painful

Nacht: isn’t that why you want to die

Asta: No. family has nothing to do with this

Nacht: I’m not talking about family I’m talking about how life is painful

Asta: huh

Nacht: you wanna die because no matter how hard you try you will never be good enough you work and work and work and nothing changes you’re family doesn’t acknowledge you’re hard work nor are they grateful for it and you’re sick of it you just want you’re suffering to end and even though you know it’s a stupid decision if it means you get to be free even just for a little bit you’ll take that chance won’t you Asta

Asta: are you making fun of me for being petty

Nacht: not at all you ask for help from people all the time and no one does

Asta:.............

Nacht: if anything they make a joke out of it

Asta:..........

Nacht: you spent this entire year hearing everyone’s pains but what you desire is having people who love you and appreciate you

Asta: is it wrong???

Nacht: of course not I was like you along time ago no matter how you feel at least you’re not the reason for you’re brother’s death

Asta: what???

Nacht: it’s complicated but when I was younger I was I was quite the scumbag not gonna lie my brother was perfect everyone loved him and everyone preferred him over me one day I got really jealous of him on my 18th year old birthday no one came but everyone celebrated his birthday

Asta: normally I would say aren’t you twins doesn’t that mean you have the same birthday but you already told me you’re birthday is on April 30th and everyone mistakes you’re birthday for May first

Nacht: everyone would celebrate his birthday eventually one year later I got sick of it I got sick and tired of him and I blocked him out of my life I ignored his existence I never thought he’d do something so stupid

Asta: what did he do???

19 year old Nacht: oh my god just stop trying to be in my life I don’t want you near me

Morgan: why not Niisan I’m you’re brother don’t you love me

19 year old Nacht: (cries extremely heavily) LOVE YOU I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!YOU TAKE EVERYTHING FROM ME YOU TAKE EVERYONES LOVE YOU TAKE MY FRIENDS YOU EVEN TAKE MY BIRTHDAY AWAY FROM ME

Morgan: I.......I’m sorry Niisa-

19 year old Nacht: I DON’T NEED YOU’RE PITY

Morgan: is there anything I can do for you Niisan

19 year old Nacht: WHY DON’T YOU DIE FOR ME!!!!!!!!

Nacht:(bites his lip)

The next day

19 year old Nacht: why is that annoying pile of crap alarm clock going off isn’t he going to turn that garbage off (goes to Morgan’s room) hey shut that off I don’t like the stupid sound (Open the door) (widen his eyes)

Dead Morgan: (hanging on a rope)

Nacht: no..... no..... no..... no..... no..... No......No......No...... No...... No...... No......No......NO.......NO NO NO

NO NO NO NO PLEASE GOD TAKE ME INSTEAD HE HASN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG PLEASE I BEG YOU GOD PLEASE

Nacht: (bites his lip clenches his fist “bleeding in both”) DON’T GIVE ME THAT YOU IDIOT YOU DID WHATEVER YOU WANTED AND NOW WHEN THINGS ARE CONVENIENT FOR YOU YOU RELY ON THE GODS DON’T BE STUPID NO ONE IS GOING TO SAVE YOU

Asta: Nacht Sensei is everything-

Nacht: (deliberately falls)

Asta: (catches Nacht’s hand)

Nacht: UHH WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING???

Asta: SAVING YOU’RE LIFE!!!!!

Nacht: I DON’T WANT YOU TO

Asta: YOU KNOW YOU’RE EXTREMELY SELFISH

Nacht: HUH

Asta: YOU WERE LOVED BY YOU’RE BROTHER HE DID ALL HE COULD TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND NOW YOU’RE JUST GONNA DEVALUE IT

Nacht: YOU CAN’T STOP ME FROM DOING THIS

Asta: EVEN SO PLEASE PLEASE NACHT SENSEI (tears coming down his face) PLEASE DON’T MAKE ME SEE YOU DIE

Nacht: (sighs) I guess today’s just not my day (let’s Asta pull him up kisses Asta’s forehead)

Asta: .............maybe tomorrow will be a new day

(The next day)

Asta: Nacht Sensei didn’t come to school today I wonder if he did it

there’s no one here today I guess it’s time it’s just me myself and I there’s no one who can get in my way I’m going to be set free today removing my yellow cardigan having my headband come all un done this petit boy short as can be is going to jump now watch and see

Nacht: you’re late I’ve been waiting for you

Asta: ha ha yeah um what should we do now

Nacht: anything you want

Asta: I want to meet my mom and meet you’re brother

Nacht: okay let’s go (grabs Asta’s hand)

Asta: (grabs Nacht’s hand)

Nacht and Asta: (walks in to the distance)

the end

#Black clover #Black clover Asta #Asta #Black clover Nacht #Black clover Nacht Faust #Nacht Faust #Black clover Mimosa #Mimosa #Black clover Mimosa Vermillion #Mimosa Vermillion #Black clover Noelle #Noelle #Black clover Noelle Silva #Noelle Silva

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viostormcaller · 4 years

Text

JSE Fic- An (Almost) Unhappy Birthday

AN: I know it’s a day late and the drawing I originally planned isn’t done, but I had to post SOMETHING for the sad dad’s birthday, so I settled on something I know for sure I’m good at. And hey, late is better than never! This took me SO long and I swear I cried every time I read through it to edit it. But I’m really, really proud of it and I hope you guys enjoy reading it just as much as I did writing it!

((TW: Alcoholism, suicidal ideation))

Chase sat in the back of his car, splayed out across the seats. He stared out of the windshield from where he was, watching the wind rustle the low-hanging branches on the trees that lined the sunlit street. He didn't know whether to be grateful for the pleasant weather or wish for rain to better match the mood. Luckily, it wasn't hot enough to need the AC, so he had that going for him, he figured.

He sighed, running a hand down his face before allowing his arm to fall limp against the leather seat. He looked over to the bottle beside him. It was half-empty. He never drank and drove -- he wasn't stupid -- so he would only pull out the bottle when he was in the forest, at the cairn he made in honor of love lost. But today… he didn't care. He didn't plan on going anywhere. He just wanted to sit and drink and do nothing else until the day ended.

He'd been paying attention. He knew what day it was. April 11th. His birthday. But he didn't plan on celebrating. What the hell was there to celebrate? His miserable existence? Chase scoffed and rolled his eyes, shaking his head bitterly. No, all he's known since the day he was born was pain and heartbreak and suffering. He tried to be that ray of sunshine he wanted to be, he really did. And despite everything, he succeeded, for a time. But the day he lost his wife, lost his kids, lost everything… it all went downhill from there and only got worse as the years went on. His best friend is in a coma, has been for three years now. Chase already resigned himself to believing Jack was dead. And for a time -- nine months exactly -- Henrik was gone, too, leaving him with nothing but Jack's channel and the job to take over while the YouTuber was out of commission. He had no one to turn to, not really. And sure, Marvin was watching over him, protecting him, but… he wasn't a therapist. He wasn't about to bug Marvin with his problems. That wasn't his job. His only job was to keep Anti away while Chase recorded, while he wore Jack's name. And forget about Jackie -- hell knows where he went. Hadn't heard from him in years. So he turned to whiskey to ease the pain, and while he still had hope left, visited Jack as often as he could.

But you all already know this story, don't you?

Chase wrapped his fingers around the familiar neck of the whiskey bottle, keeping them there and making no moves to pick it up. He laughed to himself, absentmindedly wondering how much whiskey it would take to get alcohol poisoning. He glanced down at the paper bag on the floor of the car, seeing that same, familiar cap peeking out, this one new and untouched.

Today, he planned to find out.

It's not like anyone would fuckin' find me, anyway, Chase reasoned. No one can see through my windows, and I haven't heard from anybody in fuckin' forever so it's not like they'll be checkin' up on me. Chase felt himself tearing up again as he pulled the bottle close, unscrewing the cap. The familiar smell hit him, strong as ever. A strange comfort, for sure, but the only comfort he had left.

"Down the hatch," he whispered. He was just about to press the bottle to his lips when out of the corner of his eye he saw his phone light up. Not a second later it began to buzz. Chase sighed, screwing the cap back on and setting the bottle down. He picked up the phone with reluctance and read who was calling.

Henrik. Of course he was.

Chase debated on just letting it ring, just ignoring the call. He didn't exactly feel like talking. All he wanted to do today was (quite literally) drink himself to death in peace. He wondered if Henrik would even care, if he would even think to call back if he didn't answer. Would he come looking? Would he be worried? Chase sat and debated and pondered over this, and by the time he went to react, the vibrating had stopped and the car was silent once more. Chase tossed the phone aside and slumped back against the seat, blowing his unkempt hair out of his face.

Would Henrik miss him if he was gone? Of course, Henrik's saved his life before, but things were different now and he knew that he hadn't exactly become the easiest person in the world to deal with since all this happened. He wondered if Henrik would care, or if he would be glad to be rid of him, of someone who's just become a nuisance. He went to reach for the bottle again when his phone lit up once more. A glance told him that it was Henrik calling back. He didn't make any moves to pick up the phone, just letting it ring and ring and ring until it stopped. No use ruining Henrik's day with the same depressing bullshit he always spews. Just because he wasn't happy didn't mean Henrik had to be unhappy, too. The man already suffers enough.

Though he refused to touch the bottle, just in case he changed his mind.

Once more the phone lit up, the generic ringtone filling the still air of the car. Chase didn't move, just staring off into space and stewing in his thoughts. And once again, the phone eventually fell silent.

Though a second later, it lit up again. This time, it was a text message. And then there was another. And another. And Chase finally gave in and picked up his phone, reading the messages -- all from Henrik, of course.

Henrik: Chase?

H: Chase are you okay?

H: Answer me please

Chase unlocked his phone and stared at the messages. A moment later a new one came in.

H: Please tell me you are safe. Please.

Chase couldn't help but feel bad. He didn't want Henrik to worry, that wasn't his intention. His thumbs hovered over the keyboard, unsure of what to say. Finally, a final message came in.

H: Chase, please do not tell me you did what I think you did. Please, answer me!

Chase's heart was in his throat and a pit opened up in his stomach. He began to type out a short, two-word reply when he was interrupted. Henrik was calling again. He let out a breath to calm his nerves. No way he was ignoring him now. Out of all the things Chase was, what he wasn't was an asshole. He slid his finger over the answer button and held the phone up to his ear.

"Yeah?"

"Chase! Oh, danke dem Herrn oben. Chase, I am so glad you are alright. I was so worried about you, my friend! I thought… I thought something had happened to you!"

Chase chuckled humorlessly. "Don't worry, I'm okay."

"Were you busy?"

"I was…" Chase sighed. He was going to say he was driving, but he didn't want to lie to him. It would be wrong of him to make him feel foolish on top of scaring him half to death. "I'm sorry. I… didn't wanna bog you down with my bad mood. Just because I'm always sad… that doesn't mean you should be, too."

"Oh, Chase…"

Chase grimaced. He could practically see the pitied look on the doctor's face.

"Chase, you know that I am always here for you, yes?"

"...yeah," Chase answered reluctantly. Though everyone always says that, yet no one ever stays.

"You may not believe it," Henrik continued, "but I like helping you. Nothing worthwhile comes easy, you know."

"...so you're saying that I'm hard to deal with?" Saying that out loud caused a sharp twinge to resonate in his chest.

"Ch-Chase, no! That-- that is not what I am saying at all!"

"It's whatever, Henrik. I…" Chase sighed. "I know what you meant."

There was an awkward, strained silence between them before anyone spoke again.

"What was it you were even calling me for?" inquired Chase.

"I, um… I wanted to take you out for dinner tonight. You know… for the occasion. Like we used to do."

Chase bit his lip. Right, like they used to. Only it used to be him, Henrik, and Jack. He quickly wiped away the tears that threatened to spill.

"U-uh… n-no thank you, Henrik. I'm… I'm good."

"...Are you sure?"

Chase's heart lurched at the blatant disappointment in Henrik's voice. "Y-yeah, I mean… I'm not really… not really in a state to be goin' out anywhere…"

"Have you been drinking?" Henrik asked curiously.

"Huh? Oh, no, no," Chase answered honestly. "It's not that, just… I don't have any clean clothes and I haven't showered in… a while. Tch, much less fuckin' brushed my teeth."

"Oh, is that all?" Chase could hear Henrik laugh over the phone. "Well, those are an easy fix! You can clean yourself up at my place, and I have plenty of clean clothes for you to wear. We do wear the same sizes, after all. Come on! What do you say?"

Chase sighed. He had no excuses now. And hey, maybe it was for the best, he figured, if he spent his birthday with someone rather than alone. Plus, the whiskey he bought will still be there by the time the day is over and he's back to living out of his car. He can still do what he planned to, even if it's a day later. So he could take today to make his last meal with his closest living friend a good one.

"Alright," Chase decided. "Text me your address and I'll be over in ten."

"Oh, great! Yes, I will do that right away. See you soon, Chase!"

"Yeah, see you soon, Henrik."

He let Henrik hang up the phone, keeping it in his hand until the text message came in with Henrik's address. As he waited he couldn't help but grin to himself, recalling the sheer excitement in Henrik's voice. It's been a long, long time since he's heard him that excited. Though, to be fair, there was nothing of late that would ignite such excitement, not with everything going on. As soon as his phone buzzed and lit up, Chase moved to open the door and step out of the car. He opened the driver's seat door and turned the car on, rolling down the windows to remove the towels he'd draped there as makeshift curtains. Once the back passenger door was shut, his "curtains" laying bunched up on the back seat, he finally got in the car, buckled his seatbelt, and entered Henrik's address into the GPS. As he began to drive off, he was thankful he held off on drinking. He wouldn't be driving to see Henrik right now otherwise.

It took Chase about a half hour or so to reach Henrik's house. He always loved how big it was. Of course, doctors make a lot of money and Henrik was a doctor of more than one degree, so he was, needless to say, doing very well for himself.

And, of course, you can't exactly get evicted from a house you bought if you leave for nine months.

Shaking the thought from his head, he stepped out of the car and headed up the steps to Henrik's front door. Just looking at the exterior of the house made him feel gross. Henrik's place wasn't a mansion, exactly, but it was a really nice house. Very clean and well-kept, which Chase was not. Not currently, anyway. Suddenly he was really looking forward to that shower. He raised his hand and began to knock.

Chase could hear a faint call of "Coming!" from behind the door, and not a moment later the door swung open and Henrik was standing there, arms outstretched and eyes sparkling. Chase gratefully accepted his hug, biting down hard on his lip to keep himself from crying. It's been so long, too long, since he'd gotten a hug from anyone. He didn't realize just how much he missed it. How much he needed one.

"Oh, it is so good to see you, my friend!" Henrik beamed, squeezing Chase lovingly. He then pulled away, stretching out his palm to welcome him inside. "Come in, come in!" he ushered.

Chase headed inside, hearing the door click shut behind him. A sense of what Chase could only describe as warmth washed over him. Of course, he'd been over to Henrik's place many times over the years, but this time it felt… different, somehow. He couldn't place why.

"House looks great as ever, Henrik," Chase smiled.

"Oh, why thank you!"

"New table, I see?"

"Oh, yes," Henrik headed over and stood by the kitchen table. "Yes, it was time for a new one. The other one was getting old."

"How long have you even had that for? Almost as long as you've had a house you've had that table."

"Yes, it has been years. It was bittersweet, letting it go, but… in with the new, out with the old, as they say!"

I'm sure he said the phrase backwards, Chase chuckled to himself.

"Now, while I am in the kitchen, can I get you anything before you take your shower?"

"Uhh… no, I think I'm good. Thanks, though."

"Oh, is nothing. I will grab you a change of clothes. Wait one moment."

"Righty-o," Chase replied.

"Oh, um, feel free to take a seat. You do not have to stand around. Go on, make yourself at home! I will be right back." With that, Henrik ducked out of the kitchen and headed up the stairs to his room.

Chase just nodded to himself. With how dirty he was (or at least, how he felt he was), he didn't feel all that comfortable sitting on the couch. He didn't want to dirty the new table either, but wood could be more easily cleaned than fabric, so he opted to sit at the table.

He agreed with Henrik on how bittersweet it was to let go of his old dining table. He didn't realize how much he missed the familiar squeak the chair made as he sat down until it wasn't there anymore. But he knew that, with time, this chair, too, would become worn with use and have its own signature squeak.

Though Chase knew he wouldn't be here for that.

He sighed heavily, resting his head in his hand, his elbow propped up on the table. He could feel that familiar ache blooming in his chest, threatening to swallow him. He sighed again and shivered, teeth chattering even though he wasn't cold. And then he yawned. He hadn't realized just how tired he was. Of course, sleeping in the back seat of your car every night meant you never slept well. And even before that, he was always tired, always worn down. But that's what a hopeless life will do to you, he knew.

Before long he was pulled from his thoughts, hearing footsteps bounding down the stairs. Henrik came into view, a bundle of neatly folded clothes in his arms.

"Here you are, Chase," Henrik said, handing him the pile of clothes. "The bathroom with the shower is upstairs."

"Mm, yeah. I remember. Thanks, Schneep."

"Is no problem at all! Now, go wash up. I will be waiting in the living room."

"Yeah, alright."

Chase headed up the stairs, one hand cradling the bundle of clothes and one hand remaining firm on the hand rail. It may have been forever since he'd been here, but he knew the layout of the house like the back of his hand. He could see Henrik's room at the very end of the hall. On the right was his office, and on the left was the bathroom. He ducked in, not hesitating to turn the shower on and get undressed.

Chase could have cried, feeling soap and hot water enveloping him for the first time in what felt like ages. He gave everywhere a good scrubbing, running fingers through his now-untangled hair, letting the hot water hit his body, taking in the smell of steam and body wash. He regretted all those times he didn't have the energy or motivation to shower, swearing that he would never take it for granted ever again.

Though, he remembered that it was going to be his last. That same melancholy opened up in his chest again and he sighed, movements slowing as he mulled that over. It was almost funny, how easy it was to forget his plan. He scoffed to himself, knowing that that probably meant he wouldn't have the balls to follow through with it when the time comes.

He decided he'll see what happens when that moment arrives.

For now he stepped out of the shower, drying himself off with the towel Henrik had laid out for him. He pulled on the fresh pair of boxers Henrik gave him alongside his clothes, and--

Wait.

For the first time, Chase took a good look at the clothes Henrik gave him. He stood, befuddled, mostly surprised that he hadn't noticed. Did this man really just give me a suit? Chase questioned. What the hell kind of restaurant is he taking me to?! Whatever it was, it was going to be fancy, clearly. Chase wasn't sure he was ready for all that, but it was too late to back out now. He sighed and looked around the bathroom. Now that he was clean, he realized just how awful his breath tasted. A glance at the sink allowed him to find a clearly new toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste laid out side-by-side, as if put there on purpose. He knew it wasn't Henrik's -- his toothbrush was in a little plastic cup by the faucet. This new toothbrush could only be meant for him, then, since Henrik lived alone. Chase headed over to the sink, thinking that the smarter idea was to brush his teeth before he got dressed, just in case he spilled toothpaste on his suit jacket.

He chuckled to himself as he brushed his teeth, remembering the time he did that before a date with Stacy. Hardly anyone noticed, but god did he feel ridiculous the entire time. He could only laugh now. It was funny that, at one point, a toothpaste stain was the only thing he had to worry about. Something that mattered so little at the end of the day.

And now look where he is, what's happened to him since then.

He shook his head to clear it, pulling himself back into the moment. He brushed his teeth well, rinsed with mouthwash, spit, and wiped his mouth. As he breathed in, he could feel how cool and minty and fresh his breath was. Brushing his teeth was another thing he wouldn't take for granted.

Chase looked up, staring at himself in the mirror. The first thing he noticed was his eyes, deep, purple rings around them, no doubt from constant exhaustion. He shook his head. I look like a raccoon, he thought bitterly. As he did this, he watched his hair flop back and forth. He brushed it out of his eyes, thankfully staying in place because it was still damp. He needed a haircut; it was far too long for his liking. But he could deal for tonight.

For what felt like the billionth time within the last few hours, he pulled himself from his thoughts. He went to get dressed, slipping his arms through the sleeves of the white shirt and buttoning it up. Next came the pants, which he pulled on and tucked the shirt into. Then came the tie -- which had been hidden underneath the shirt -- and finally, came the jacket. He looked himself over in the mirror. He looked… good. He actually looked good. He couldn't help but smile and puff out his chest a little. Of course, the pants were a tiny bit big, but he knew Schneep had a belt he could borrow. He was a little surprised, though; he figured he would have gained weight thanks to all the crap he's been forced to eat. But at the same time… it was rare for him to have much of an appetite nowadays, so he ate a lot less than he used to. Maybe that was why, he figured. But, no matter. He threw his dirty clothes into the hamper on instinct, though after doing so wondering if that was the best thing to do. He wasn't sure if Henrik was willing to wash his clothes. He'd have to ask later. For right now, he headed out of the bathroom and down the stairs.

Henrik gasped when he saw Chase, hands flying to his mouth and eyes sparkling. He looked like a proud father. Even more so, since in the time Chase showered, Henrik seemed to have also put on a suit of his own. "Oh, Chase, the suit looks so nice on you! Does it fit okay?"

Chase couldn't help but blush, looking away sheepishly. "Uh, y-yeah, it fits fine. Gonna need a belt, though."

"Ah, no problem. I definitely have one lying around. I will grab it for you."

"Thanks. Um…"

"What is it?"

"What kind of restaurant are we going to, exactly?"

"Oh, um…" it was Henrik's turn to look sheepish. "I, um… Well, I know it was a bit of a, how you say, ballsy move to do this, but… I made reservations for a nice restaurant downtown. I passed by it sometime last month and knew from the very moment I saw it that I had to take you. I remembered your birthday was coming up, so I figured the timing was just right and made reservations over the phone as soon as I got their number."

Chase couldn't help but feel touched. Touched, and really guilty that he'd originally declined. Henrik must have noticed it flash briefly on Chase's face, because he was quick to reassure him.

"O-oh, it would have been alright with me if you did not want to go. I know I did not tell you beforehand so you would not have known. And I could have easily canceled, anyway. No need to worry about that."

Chase just nodded, looking away. Finally, he drew in a breath to speak. "I… I dunno what I did to deserve you, man, but… seriously, thank you. This… this means a lot to me. It really does."

"Aw, is no big deal. I would do anything for you. And I know that you deserve to have a good birthday, one that is not spent in the car all alone and drinking yourself away."

Chase flinched a little when Henrik said that. He knew he probably didn't mean anything by it, but… that was exactly what he had planned to do, quite literally. It was impossible, of course, but he couldn't help but wonder if Henrik knew more than he was letting on, if he read him so well that he knew that that was his plan. He shoved the thought to the back of his mind, instead just chuckling nervously.

"Uh… what time is the reservation for?"

"Six-thirty. It is…" Henrik glanced at his watch. "four o' two now, so we have about twenty or so minutes to kill before we should head out. You know how traffic is."

"God, do I," Chase agreed with a roll of his eyes.

Henrik patted down on the spot next to him, beckoning Chase to come sit. Chase obliged, sitting himself down next to Henrik. He sighed pleasedly -- it had been so long since he'd been on a couch. Yet another thing on his list of things he wouldn't ever take for granted.

And so the pair talked and caught up, and Henrik nearly forgot about the reservation entirely until he just so happened to check his watch and saw that they were two minutes past the time they should have left. Henrik shot up with a curse in German, hurrying up the stairs to grab a belt for Chase, and then coming back down and putting on his shoes. As Chase was buckling his belt, Henrik set a pair of black dress shoes identical to his own over by Chase's feet, mentioning that they were for him to wear. Chase nodded, pulling them on, and as soon as they were both ready they hurried out the door and into Henrik's car.

The ride was pleasant, thankfully the lessened traffic saving them a bit of time. The pair talked and laughed and joked the whole ride through -- they were halfway to their destination before Henrik remembered to turn on the radio. They arrived at the restaurant just as the sun was setting. It made for a pretty sight as they both stepped out of the car.

The restaurant was prettier, though.

It was dimly lit and very, very classy. For one thing, the carpet leading to the check-in counter was red, and the nearby rope partitions were gold with red rope, so that was the first indication of how high-end this place was. Chase looked around in awe as Henrik went up to the ornate, wooden counter -- there seemed to be ornate wood everywhere -- and stated his name and the reservation. And soon Henrik was beckoning Chase along, effectively pulling him from his trance, as a waitress guided them to their table. Chase couldn't help but feel giddy as the waitress set the menus down at a small booth seat meant for two people. Chase always loved the booth seats. He wondered if Henrik remembered that when making the reservation.

"How do you like it so far, Chase? Is nice, yes?"

"This place is… wow." Chase was breathless. It's been so long since he was somewhere this fancy.

"Well, let us hope the food holds up." Henrik noted.

"Oh, for sure," Chase nodded, agreeing.

The waitress came by, asking for their order of drinks. Henrik and Chase both got the same thing -- Diet Coke. Chase wanted a glass of wine to fit the mood of the place, but decided he wouldn't have any alcohol since Henrik couldn't have any. In the meantime, the pair looked over the menu.

"Have you decided on what you want to eat, Chase?" Henrik asked.

"No idea," Chase answered. The menu was so… expansive. He was having trouble deciding. It had been so long since he'd ordered from a menu like this, on top of that. He didn't even know what he was in the mood for. He was thankful, however, that on today of all days he had an appetite. It was probably because he didn't eat breakfast, but still. Well, he at least knew what he didn't want, which was a hamburger. He's eaten enough of those.

"Hm… I think I will get…" Henrik hummed, adjusting his glasses as he looked over the menu. "Well, the veal parm looks good. Maybe I will get that."

"Mm, I still need longer to look, I think," Chase responded.

Just then, the waitress came by, dropping off a small loaf of bread and a tiny ramekin of butter, as well as two small plates -- along with their drinks, of course. Chase and Henrik thanked the waitress as she passed by.

"That smells so good…" Chase commented. It took all he had in him to keep himself from drooling. He was so hungry.

"Ooh, I am definitely having a piece. I assume you want one as well, Chase?"

"Yes, please."

Henrik smiled, cutting Chase a piece first and spreading butter on it, placing it on one of the plates and passing it to him, before cutting himself a piece of his own. Chase thanked him gratefully, picking up the bread and taking a bite and--

Oh.

Chase felt his eyes well up. One hand squeezed into a fist and he took in a breath through his nose as he chewed. Do not cry, Chase, he willed himself. Do not cry. It was just… so good. The bread was warm and lightly sweet and the butter was salty but not too salty and melted perfectly on the bread and god, he'd forgotten entirely what it was like to eat real food. He'd missed this desperately. All he'd known these past few months was cheap dollar-menu cheeseburgers and unsatisfying, tiny breakfast sandwiches.

"Are you okay, Chase?" Henrik asked, brows knitted in concern.

"'m fine," he spoke through a full mouth. He realized how impolite that was and swallowed. "I'm fine."

Henrik nodded, watching as Chase took a moment to compose himself before going back to eating. He understood, of course, after all he'd been through. He certainly wasn't judging him for it, but he did worry. And he wasn't oblivious. There were a lot of little hidden cues he's picked up on. From the scare over the phone this morning to how hopelessly sad he looked up until he got out of the shower, he knew that Chase needed him now more than ever. And Henrik would be there for him, he swore, until his dying breath. It's what Chase needs, and it's what he deserves.

Despite knowing what he wanted, Henrik had gone back to absentmindedly flipping through the menu. He spotted the salad section and perked up.

"Oh, Chase, did you want to order a salad with your meal?"

"Oh, yes please. I desperately need one of those. Something healthy for once after all the junk I've been eating."

Henrik laughed at Chase's response. He's gotten so mature over the years. At one point he'd gawk at getting a salad, and now he's completely on board with it. Henrik felt a strange sense of pride swell up within him at that.

The waitress came back over finally and asked each of them what they wanted. Henrik got a house salad with Italian dressing and he decided on the veal parm. Chase got a wedge salad (Henrik was sure it was the bacon bits that enticed him) and a steak with grilled vegetables on the side. Chase swore it was the most adult meal he's ever ordered at a restaurant -- usually he doesn't go for steak, but this time he felt he should get one. Just because. The waitress marked down their orders, thanked them, and left, heading to wherever the kitchen was, the pair assumed.

"Are you enjoying yourself so far, Chase?" Henrik asked.

"God, yeah," Chase nodded enthusiastically. "I'm probably gonna say this a bajillion times, but seriously, dude, thank you so much for taking me here."

"Oh, you are very welcome, Chase!" Henrik beamed. "It makes me happy to see you happy. And that is all I want. I just want you to be happy."

"God, dude, stop it, you're gonna make me start cryin' again!" Chase laughed, wiping his eyes. He seriously had no idea who blessed him to have a man like Henrik in his life, but he knew for certain he'd be nowhere without him.

Actually… without Henrik, he'd, quite literally, be dead. If Henrik wasn't in his life, who would have saved him? He doubted another doctor with his level of expertise and deft of hand even… existed. He owed this man his life and more. He wished there was a way to properly repay him, but there wasn't anything bigger than life itself he could give.

He'd definitely have to think of something.

For now, though, he spent his time enjoying Henrik's company. They talked about everything under the sun, they joked and laughed, and before they knew it, their food had arrived. It was funny how quickly time passed when spent with someone you're close to.

"Ooh, this looks delicious!" Henrik exclaimed.

"It looks like a lot," Chase commented, staring at the massive wedge salad and the huge steak. It was… very intimidating, to say the least. "No way in hell am I finishing all of this."

"Well, eat what you can and take the rest to go. Just… save room for dessert, hm?"

"Oh, duh. Like I would pass up dessert!"

Henrik laughed, shaking his head as he picked up his utensils and began to eat. He hummed pleasedly -- the food was very good, indeed! He'd definitely remember this place. Maybe all of them could go, once everything is back to normal and Jack is awake? That was a bittersweet thought.

Chase looked between the salad and the steak, trying to figure out which beast he should tackle first. He chose the steak, because he already knew what salad tasted like, but every restaurant makes steak differently. He picked up the steak knife, cutting off a piece and sticking it in his mouth.

As soon as the steak touched his tongue, everything hit him all at once. This wasn't just a measly piece of warm bread. No, this was real food. An actual meal. Something he hasn't had in months. All he'd eaten was fast food once or twice a day, if at all, depending on if he was hungry or not. And one of the things he missed the most was being able to go in his kitchen whenever he wanted and make himself something to eat, something he liked that wasn't just the same few things every day. Even when he was so depressed that he couldn't eat, he'd at least have something in the cabinets or fridge ready for him when he could. But he didn't have that anymore. He had no idea when he'd have that again. For another few months, maybe even longer, after tonight this could very well be his last true meal. After all of this, it was back to his normal. Back to suffering and drinking in the back seat of his car with the towels covering the windows so no one could see him crying, or in the forest by the little rock shrine he made with the picture of his ex-wife and youngest son placed delicately against its base.

He didn't want to live like that. He didn't want to suffer anymore. And yet… he had no choice. This was his life now, whether he wanted it or not.

"How do you like your food, Chase?" Henrik asked without looking up. After a moment too long he didn't hear a response, but he did hear Chase sniffle, which caused him to look up. At first, his brows furrowed in confusion. Chase was staring off into space and--

Wait.

Wait, shit, Chase was crying.

"Chase? Chase, what is it? What is wrong, my friend?"

Chase, hearing Henrik's voice, was pulled out of his trance. His breath hitched and he swallowed what was in his mouth.

"F-fuck…" He realized he'd started crying, though now he couldn't get himself to stop. "Fuck," he repeated, his voice nothing more than a shaky whisper. He propped his elbows up on the table, his hands holding up his head as he kept his head down. He grit his teeth, trying to hold back his sobs as best he could.

Henrik quickly rose, moving to sit besides Chase and pulling him close. Chase shivered, crying a little harder now. "Shhh, shh, shh, shh, shhh…" Henrik soothed. "I am right here. Let it out, Chase. You are okay."

Chase held on tightly to Henrik, weeping into his shoulder. He was trying his hardest to make himself stop -- especially since a fancy restaurant is not the place to be bawling your eyes out -- but more tears just kept coming. Especially with Henrik encouraging him to let it out. It was helping, sure, but… not in the way he wanted it to.

A waitress who just so happened to be rushing by glanced over at the pair and paused. She knew she was in a rush but she couldn't help but be concerned -- someone crying in a restaurant (who wasn't a child, anyway) wasn't a normal sight.

"Is he okay?" asked the waitress.

Henrik quickly looked up, turning towards the voice. "Hm? Oh, yes, my friend, he… he is fine. He is just… having a moment." he explained. "Um, he… has not had a proper meal in very long of a time, and the world has been very unkind to him, so I decided to treat him... you know, for his birthday, because it is the one day he deserves to be happy, if he cannot be every day."

"Oh… I see."

Chase swore he would never stop crying at this rate. He just held tighter onto Henrik. This man's compassion, his kindness… it was too much for him to handle sometimes. Or, rather, most of the time.

"But do not worry!" Henrik reassured. "He will be okay. With time, he will. He always bounces back. He just needs this moment, right now."

"You're a very kind man," replied the waitress. "This world needs more people like you."

"Oh, I am just doing what any logical human being would do," Henrik dismissed. "When someone needs me, I am there. Is my job as a doctor, and as a friend. And I want my friend here to know that."

"What are your names?"

"My name is Henrik," he answered, "And my friend's name is Chase."

Chase wanted to greet the waitress properly, or at least say something, but he was still trying to reel himself in.

"Well, it was very nice meeting you both. And, Chase? Stay strong, okay?"

Chase nearly broke down entirely right then and there. He managed to get out a shaky, teary "thank-you" before the waitress left. Henrik kept hugging him tight, not letting go, allowing Chase to recompose himself. And soon enough, his crying slowed into hiccups, and then he was just sniffling and wiping his eyes and Henrik was guiding him to take deep breaths to calm himself.

"Are you okay, Chase?" Henrik asked, his voice gentle, his tone similar to the one he used for younger patients but a lot more… personal.

"Y-yeah… I… I th-think so…"

"Good, good. Do you want to head to the restroom and clean yourself up a bit?"

"Yes, please," Chase nodded. He wanted to blow his nose more than anything at this point.

With a nod, Henrik got up from the booth and Chase followed right behind him. They headed for the restroom, finding it eventually, and Chase went to blow his nose and wipe his face. His eyes were still red and teary, but he felt calmer now. After a few more deep breaths, Chase washed his hands and both him and Henrik left to return to their table.

They found their food had cooled a bit since they left, but it was still warm, at least (aside from the salads, obviously), instead of burning hot. Henrik continued to eat his food, and Chase… he ate reluctantly at first, worried he'd start bawling again. But after a few bites he found he was fine. It was just that first bite that threw him for a loop, he figured. And so he relaxed and allowed himself to enjoy his meal.

"It's really good," Chase spoke up, his voice meek.

"Hm?" Henrik looked up, hearing Chase speak. He then registered what it was that he said. "Oh! Is it?"

"Yeah, it is. It's… the best thing I've had in ages." There was that melancholy again, boring a hole in his chest. He forced it down.

"I am glad to hear it. Very glad." Henrik gave Chase a warm, heartfelt smile. Chase returned it, but it wasn't as bright or as wide as it should have been. He was still feeling pretty down, Henrik could tell. He did expect, however, that an experience like this would be a bit overwhelming for Chase. His only hope was for Chase to have a good birthday, one he could look back on with contentment or even bittersweet joy instead of resentment or sadness or regret.

Chase decided to take a break from eating the steak, moving instead to tackle the salad. It took a little effort, but he managed to get a good forkful of it.

"Fucking vegetables, thank god," Chase muttered to himself.

Henrik, who had been sipping on his soda when he heard Chase's comment, quickly clapped a hand to his mouth and ducked his head away as he tried his hardest to control his laughter and willed his body to swallow the soda that hadn't already gone up his nose.

"What? What's so funny?" Chase asked through a full mouth, a small smile beginning to tug at the corners of his lips.

Henrik swallowed and started to cough, laughing in between breaths. "F-fuck, I-- I am sorry, just…" he coughed some more before clearing his throat. "That made me laugh very hard."

"Oh, what I said about the salad?"

Henrik nodded, already going back to giggling. Chase snorted.

"I mean, you know how fuckin' long it's been since I've had a fuckin' vegetable, man? Not even a baby carrot. Like, I need my greens, bro!"

Henrik was trying so hard and failing to contain his laughter. And seeing Henrik laugh made Chase laugh, too. And then they were both laughing and trying to reign themselves in so they could get back to eating before their food got any colder.

The rest of their dinner was spent laughing and joking and talking, with Henrik feeling relieved that Chase seemed to be in mostly good spirits again. Their waitress came over and offered boxes for their unfinished food; Henrik said yes, while Chase said that he had nowhere to keep it if he did. Plus, he wasn't one to just casually eat leftover steak, anyway. So the waitress brought back over a box for Henrik, and with that, all that was left for them to do was wait for the check.

Or… so they thought.

The pair were kind of just looking around in content silence when they heard it. Clapping, a lot of clapping, all in unison. They didn't pay much mind to it at first, until it grew louder. Closer. Chase and Henrik looked at each other in confusion. And suddenly they were surrounded by a dozen waiters and waitresses, and one of them was carrying a monster of an ice cream sundae, complete with brownies and fully-lit sparklers sticking out of the top. They set it down on their table and began to sing the restaurant's "happy birthday" song to Chase. They all cheered when they were finished and then dispersed, but not before Henrik caught the glance of the waitress who checked up on them earlier. She winked at him. Henrik knew immediately this was her doing. He looked over at Chase, watching him with that warm, parental gaze and gleaming eyes, and he saw Chase was tearing up again, but they were happy tears this time. And Henrik swore, this is the widest Chase has smiled in a long, long time.

"Ho-ly shit," Chase laughed. "Dude… you gotta help me finish this. There's no way I can do this on my own."

"Oh, with pleasure!" Henrik agreed.

"Yeah, grab a spoon!"

They both blew out the sparklers first before digging in. They hadn't planned on actually getting dessert here, but this sundae was far too good to pass up. Chase swore it was the best ice cream sundae he's ever had in his life. Henrik could easily agree. They never did end up finishing it, but they got a good way through before they both threw in the towel, at least. Finally, their waitress dropped off the check. Henrik, who was the one paying, immediately took it. He was pleased to find that the dessert was on the house, but the note written in pen at the very bottom is what made him smile.

"Aww…"

"What?" Chase asked, trying his hardest to fit one last bite of brownie in.

Without a word, Henrik slid the bill over so Chase could read it.

"Our entire staff wishes you well! Stay strong, Chase!" There was a little smiley face at the end.

For the third (and most likely not the last) time that night, Chase's eyes welled up. He bit his lip, smiling wildly. He really, honestly and truly was touched. They didn't have to do all that… and yet they did. That meant more to him than they would ever know. He took that copy of the receipt and folded it with care before sticking it in the front pocket of his pants. He'd stick this somewhere in his car, he decided. Somewhere where he'll always see it and remember this moment, remember those people who cared when they didn't have to.

Henrik paid for their meal, making sure to leave a very generous tip, and the pair got up and finally headed out, saying goodbye to the staff members they passed by and thanking them as they left. The night air was quiet and calm, albeit chilly. Chase felt that surreal feeling he always got when he headed into a building during the day and didn't come out until dark. He sighed when he got in the car, buckling his seatbelt and getting comfortable. Henrik did the same, just sitting there for a moment before turning the car on.

"Dude… even though I was a crybaby the whole time, that was the best restaurant experience I've ever had."

As much as Henrik wanted to validate him and say that he wasn't being a crybaby, that he was having valid emotions as a person dealing with trauma, he held off. Now wasn't the time for a therapy session. "They are getting a very good review, I will tell you that much!"

"More than worth the money, definitely," Chase agreed. He let his head hit the headrest with a sigh. "I am so full…" He realized then how long it had been since he felt full. Another contender for the "stuff Chase will no longer take for granted" list.

"Mm, agreed… I feel like I will be full for days. Weeks, even."

Chase snorted at that.

"Ready to head back?"

"Yes, please."

With a nod, Henrik started the car and off they drove, traveling down the highway. Thankfully there wasn't as much traffic now that it was getting late. Chase turned on the radio and on the way home they belted out stupid song after stupid song, laughing the entire time.

It was funny how much being with Henrik made him forget, Chase thought. He'd forgotten all of his troubles, his worries, and his plan. They would come back to haunt him, he knew, but right now, in this moment, none of that mattered. It was just him and Henrik, making the best of the time they had.

It didn't feel like any time at all had passed when they arrived back at Henrik's house. As soon as they got inside, though, they both shrugged off their jackets and kicked off their shoes with a sigh. Chase went to go sit on the couch, but Henrik stopped him before he could do so.

"Uh… Chase, could you… come to the kitchen for a moment?"

"Hm? Oh, sure." He did as such, though as soon as he saw Henrik duck into the fridge, he paled a little. "Oh, god, you didn't."

Henrik made a knowing face. "I, uh… wasn't expecting to have dessert at the restaurant," he explained sheepishly.

"Hen, I can't fit another bite into me. I'll explode."

"Pfft, do you think I am eating any of this now? Definitely not!" Henrik said with a laugh. "But… it is your birthday, and I did not want to go the day without singing "happy birthday" to you."

"Ah, gotcha. That I can do."

"I will grab the candles and get the lights. You go sit."

"Okay, will do."

Henrik did exactly that, grabbing the candles he bought and stuck them all into the cake -- one for every year Chase was alive. Quite a lot of candles for one cake, but he managed. Judging by the box, Chase knew it was a bakery cake, and his point was proved when he saw the words written in cursive on the top. It was a very nice cake, covered in vanilla frosting and with bright, primary colored sprinkles coated around the sides. It was decorated with red icing drizzling around the top edges and his name was written in blue. And then the candles were lit and the lights were dimmed and Chase was peering at Henrik's candlelit form through the darkness of the kitchen.

"Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday, dear Chase,

Happy birthday to you!"

Chase smiled, making his wish and blowing out his candles. He imagined his kids beside him, helping him out, and there was a longing pang in his heart. He didn't know what to wish for this year. There was so much he wished was better that it was hard to choose just one. So he wished for a better life, if not for him then for the others. He wished for things to get better and for it all to return to normal… whatever their "normal" was before all this happened.

Henrik smiled, turning the lights back on. He pulled the candles out of the cake, tossed them, and then closed the box and put the cake back in the fridge. They could have some tomorrow, he reasoned. Then, he turned to Chase.

Right. Time to come clean.

"Chase?"

"Hm? What's up?"

"Um… I… I must confess something to you," Henrik admitted.

Chase felt a twinge of worry at his words. Was it something bad? He hoped not. "Which is…?"

"The reason I wanted you to come over was… because I have a gift for you."

A gift? "What kind of gift?" Chase asked curiously.

"It's upstairs. Um… it's supposed to be a surprise, so I will take you to it. Take my hand, close your eyes, and follow me."

"O-oh, uh… okay." He almost hesitantly took Henrik's hand and held his other over his eyes, allowing Henrik to carefully guide him up the steps. He was led a good way down the upstairs hallway before Henrik stopped. Then there was the sound of a door being opened.

"You can open them now."

Chase opened his eyes, looking into the room, and his hands slowly went to his mouth.

It was Henrik's office, but… his desk and file cabinets were no longer there. Instead, it looked like a bedroom. A very well-furnished one, at that. A bed, nightstand, desk and chair, cabinets and drawers to store stuff in, familiar posters taped to the walls...

"It, um… took me a few months to move and reorganize my things to the lab downstairs and furnish this room how I wanted it to look," Henrik explained. "I wanted to tell you sooner but it wasn't ready until recently. But anyway, um… this… this will be your room from now on."

His room, his mind echoed. That meant… no more living out of his car. No more junk food every day. No more sleeping in the back seat and waking up sore. For the first time in months, he had a home. A roof over his head. A warm bed.

It was finally over. He was no longer homeless.

Chase fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands. His breath hitched and he was crying, sobbing, reveling in the utter relief of knowing that he didn't have to return to how he was living. He didn't have to suffer like he was anymore.

For the first time in months, he was thankful he was alive. And for the first time in months, he didn't want to die.

Henrik crouched down besides Chase, rubbing his back in slow circles, although he couldn't help shedding a few tears himself, on behalf of his dearest friend.

"Happy birthday, Chase," Henrik said finally, his voice low and gentle in Chase's ear. "And welcome home."

Those final words only made him cry harder.

#alcoholism tw #suicidal ideation tw #jacksepticeye #chase brody #dr. schneeplestein #vio stormcaller #also i swear i still cant spell restaurant properly on my first try after all of this :')#ALSO also i started crying again while going back in to edit all the italics so now i need to go wipe my eyes again lmao

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gleeblaineislife · 3 years

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Glee- season 3 au one-shot/suicide note. by gleeblaineislife

I’m living a lie. Well, I was living a lie by now. My life was not perfect by any means, even though I acted like it was. I am not the bubbly, dapper schoolboy called Blaine Warbler. I am Blaine Devon Anderson and he is much different. Blaine Devon Anderson is an actor and Blaine Warbler is his character. I don’t remember what it’s like to be pure, unfiltered Blaine Devon Anderson. I don’t even know who that is. But that’s okay, since people wouldn’t like him. If anything he’s just a fucked up mess that no one wants to deal with. I get it. I don’t even want to deal with him. But, everyone likes Blaine Warbler. Blaine Warbler is charismatic, selfless, kind, confident, and a leader. All the things Blaine Devon Anderson isn’t... I am going to get this note started with an auto-biography so people can see just how my life was.

I was a mistake. My parents got drunk and went unprotected in July 1994. Nine months later, April 6th, 1995, I was born. My parents didn’t want to keep me, but Cooper (nine years old at the time) was ecstatic to be getting a sibling. And my parents would do anything for their perfect son. I didn’t have the best childhood. My parents worked a lot, so Cooper had to babysit me. Which means, some of my earliest memories are my brother telling me everything I was doing wrong. I was close to my lola, though. She lived in the Philippines, but when she was in America visiting my mama, I got her full attention. My lola taught me Filipino so I could speak to her better (Lola’s English was limited). Lola also made sure I took great pride in being half Pinoy. Then, my lola died when I was 7 years old. My mama and I went to the Philippines for her funeral. I remember Mama and I crying for hours together. Anyways, life went on. My bond with Mama was short-lived, which was an improvement from my non-existent one with my dad. Cooper moved out when he was eighteen and I was eight. My parents were disappointed when he went to L.A. to pursue acting. But, he was still their perfect son.

I have always known I like boys in that way and not girls. I was twelve when I realized there was a name for that. Gay. And I knew that no one liked people that were gay. I was beyond upset that I was gay. I cried myself to sleep each night praying/begging for anyone to make me straight. Of course that never happened. It took 2 years and a lot of cuts on my thighs to accept that I was gay. I came out to my parents. My dad yelled. Mama cried. It was one of the worst days ever. In high school, somehow people found out I was gay. That led to countless insults, being the root of everyone’s jokes, and being shoved daily. I had no friends. I had no family. I had nobody. I started cutting everywhere that wasn’t visible through clothes. I tried to stay positive. I told myself that they would get tired of torturing me. That my parents would accept me. I thought one of those was coming true when my father came to talk to me. He was working less and he said he wanted to do something with me. I was so happy. When he presented the old car he wanted us to repair, I told myself it wouldn’t be that bad. It was. I’ve never been interested in cars and fixing one was incredibly boring. I knew what his true intentions were once he started talking to me about girls. I told him I was still gay and he got mad. We continued fixing the car without him mentioning it again. Until we were finished and he brought up the topic of girls again. When I once again said I was still gay, he just walked away. Two weeks later him and all of his stuff was gone forever. It was just me and Mama.

At the end of my freshman year there was a Sadie Hawkins dance. I asked my only friend/the only other out kid to go with me. He said yes and we went together. As friends. It was a night full of dancing and flirting with each other in a friendly way. Afterwards, we were waiting for his father to pick us up from the dance and we were jumped. Some people on the football team were the attackers. I got a concussion, five broken ribs, a broken nose, a fractured ankle, and PTSD. I had it worse than my friend. Mama was so scared and refused to waste any more time ‘failing as a mother’ (her words, not mine). Mama and I both started going to therapy. They put me on SSRIs to help with my PTSD. Mama got some kind of anxiety medication. For the next school year I enrolled at Dalton Academy. Mama picked up more shifts at her job and used the money Lola gave to me to pay for the tuition.

Dalton was where I got to rebuild. Blaine Warbler was carefully crafted at Dalton Academy. I stopped doing therapy and went off of the SSRIs in November. I was so determined to be okay. Cutting was the only thing that kept me going. The doctors questioned the scars in the hospital but I was quick to assure them they were all accidents. I never brought it up in therapy either. I always made sure what we talked about was strictly related to my PTSD. Anyways, I joined the Warblers and became the lead singer. (I’ve taken a few vocal lessons before the Sadie Hawkins incident). Since Mama usually worked on the weekends, I didn’t feel a need to go to my house. So I usually spent them learning the school’s piano and guitar and perfecting my vocals. Music was the only other thing that kept me sane. Music and cutting. The only times Blaine Devon Anderson was revealed. Then I met Kurt. And most of you guys probably know the external perspective of that. On the inside I was battling with depression, self-hatred (for manipulating Kurt and everyone else that I was normal + making my dad leave), and recurring PTSD (from hearing Kurt’s story and going back to a public school). I am the only one at blame. That’s the story of my life. Now on to one last thing I have to say to everyone:

Mama, I love you and I’m sorry that I’ve been a burden making you work more and driving your soulmate away.

Dad, I hate it but I still do love you. I’m sorry for being gay. I’m sorry for not liking cars and being too short to play sports. I’m sorry that I’m too feminine for you to love.

Cooper, thank you for not caring that I’m gay. You are a truly great brother and I love you.

Warblers, thank you for accepting me as your leader and believing in me as much as I believe in all of you.

New directions, I get why you guys didn’t want me to be on your team. I know I’m an outsider. You don’t have to deal with me now.

Kurt, you were an amazing boyfriend and I love you. I’m so sorry that you don’t love me since I’m a coward and am so afraid that once you found out I wasn’t perfect you’d leave. I hope you find an amazing husband.

I tried to have a great last day in this world. I made and ate breakfast with Mama, called Cooper, tried to be happy at school, sang ‘Cough Syrup’ in glee club, went on a coffee date with Kurt, and now I am about to call Mama one last time. Then I’m going to take the pills while listening to my favorite songs in my favorite spot in my backyard. It’s the perfect way to end my anything but perfect life. I’ve been acting for too long. I can’t live like this any longer. I am a fraud. A fake. I’m about to see Lola. Goodbye everybody. I’ve been battling with depression for so long and now I’ve lost. I can’t even stand to live with myself so how would other people stand to live with me?

I’m so sorry.

Goodbye

#blaine warbler #blaine anderson #glee #blangst #blaine angst #angst #sort of #au #fanfiction #tw suicide #tw self harm

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spitefulinamillionways · 4 years

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headcanon requests, you say? can i get some uhhh charles going Full Dad on beej? i love that dynamic sm!

hskshdjsfb yes!!! i love that dynamic too it’s just 💞💓💕💘💖💗

just letting you know this is long as fuck because i have so many ideas for this

when beej was brought back by lydia him and charles didn’t really have much of a relationship other than ‘please don’t disturb me while i’m trying to birdwatch thanks’

lydia has tried talking to him about charles but bj usually got bored

but everything changed when the fire nation attacked when he spotted betelgeuse trying his absolute best to help lydia with some homework (let’s just say it was english or something)

so he comes into her room all ‘hey what’s going on here?’ and offers to help

lydia agrees obviously

the two are uncomfortable at first constantly interrupting eachother and doing that thing where they’re like ‘no you can go first’ ‘no you were talking first’ and then being silent for a second before talking at the same time but they eventually work it out and find how well they can work together

it all ended with lydia finally finishing her homework after a whole hour and a half even with help because they kept getting distracted and talked about stuff until one of them (never betelgeuse) were like ‘okay guys we need to do the homework’

after that charles tries his best to get closer with betelgeuse and it works

it’s actually scary how much they get along dispite being almost polar opposites but being scary as we all know is betelgeuse’s thing so don’t worry it’s ok

one day betelgeuse and lydia did a weird little art project they found online and show it to charles

lydia explains everything about it and betelgeuse ends it with ‘and i did that part!’ and he points to a couple scribbly drawings of random things

charles is all ‘that’s so good! i’m really impressed with you two!’ and beej’s hair instantly turns a bright green because he’d never had a father figure, hell even a normal parental figure, in his life

from then on beej showed everything he (and sometimes lydia) made and charles was always equally, if not more, impressed everytime

he also was glad it gave bj a hobby and something to do other than drink or wreck the house

he was surprised at how much of a pushover bj could be if you were just nice to him (i don’t know if pushover is the right word, i was thinking sweetheart but that sounded weird)

charles started inviting bj to do things with him and lydia that would usually just be, yknow, him and lydia

of course bj would accept and be overjoyed the whole time

fast forward to maybe a couple weeks and he’s gotten really used to this, both bj and charles, so after hearing lydia call charles dad so many times you can imagine what eventually happened

‘hiya, dad! h-‘ he stopped after realising what he had said, after basically everyone was staring at him

‘dad? am i a father figure to you?’

‘obviouslynotthat’sweird, it was just an accident’

‘alright, whatever you say, son’ he couldn’t help but smile at how happy betelgeuse got whenever he said things like that

betelgeuse started calling charles dad a bit more, feeling as if it was okay (which it was) but it got kinda awkward after delia mentioned it reminded her of the wedding, but that was in the past and bj had proven he wasn’t completely an asshole

lydia didn’t feel jealous while bj was getting affection, she felt happy for him and was excited that he was basically her brother now

ok i know this is a bit of a tangent and it’s not about charles and bj like you asked but betelgeuse goes full Protective Older Brother on anyone who even LOOKS at lydia in a bad way at school or anywhere. he’s said multiple times how he’s willing to kill lydias bullies but she always says the same thing about how ‘it’s wrong’ and stuff. but what a shock to her when she finds one of her worst bullies has gone missing right after they had talked some absolute sHIT and spread a rumour about her. she obviously knew who did it and was all ‘you can’t do this beej, i don’t know where they are but-‘ ‘lyds i’m just gonna be real with you i doubt they’ll ever find the body’

lydia didn’t know what the fuck to say

anyway back to charles and bj

yeah like i was saying she wasn’t jealous at all, in fact she was glad about how bj was being included more and wouldn’t just have to leave him on his own when some family gathering was happening with everyone (including the maitlands)

bj didn’t do the best on those days

after telling this to charles he felt really bad and apologised way too many times even though bj insisted it was okay and he didn’t really care anymore

bj is invited to everything now as long as he doesn’t make a mess (which he doesn’t, apart from on april fools which, oh god, was hell for everyone including himself)

of course there were times where bj couldn’t be invited as it was ‘Deetzes Only Please We Have Something Serious To Talk About Thank You Sorry’ but he would just vibe with the maitlands a bit

charles once overheard a (pretty depressing and obviously meant to be private) conversation between bj and lydia where he was talking about juno and how horrible she was, it was filled with many tears from beej and hugs from lydia

charles was really to fucking destroy a bitch!!!!!

he knocked on the door to lydias room and asked if he could come in

bj said yeah but lydia said no

he said it was okay and he’ll just ‘clean himself up a bit’ so he tried to change his hair colour on demand, something he had once learnt to do when he was with juno, but it only worked a little bit

charles asked what was wrong and bj insisted nothing and that everything was fine but charles already knew that was a lie

‘i want you to tell me everything she did to you.’

‘what?’

‘your mom. what did she do to you?’

‘ah, it’s fine, dad, really it wasn’t-‘

‘just talk about it. let it all out, okay?’

that night was uh

a lot

for all three of them

but it helped beej a lot and he was back to his normal self the next day which is good!!

i’m gonna try and wrap this up because this is extremely long and i don’t think you were expecting this much, but this is literally the first ask i’ve ever gotten in all my time on tumblr, even on my older blogs lol so i wanted to make the most of it

beej and charles have the best father to son dynamic you can’t change my mind because i am correct ok thank you my name is matylda thank you for coming to my ted talk

no but seriously thank you for being my first ask!! this was so much fun to write and i hope it’s not too bad, it’s pretty early in the uk and i’m kinda tired so if there are any mistakes i didn’t find i’ll try my best to fix them later! 🤍🖤🤍🖤

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice headcanons #beetlejuice incorrect quotes #beetlejuice headcanon #beetlelands #goldenrat #adam maitlands #barbara maitlands #beetlejuice incorrect quote

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mistaeq · 4 years

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Nijimura Keicho: You were always holding me back.

TW // abuse, kinda angsty

This was not a request, and there's no reader insert. I felt the need to write it. It's based on Stromae's song Papaoutai. Hope you like it.

Where Nijimura Keicho tells mom about his life.

WORD COUNT: 1.8k

Tell me where he comes from, at least I'll know where to go, mommy says that when you look hard, you always find something.

1983, October. He's so tired, mom, he's so tired. I'm so tired, mom, I'm so tired. Nijimura Keicho's head feels the heaviest. I'm so tired, he thinks, tired of not ever seeing dad. His old man smiles, his old man laughs, but when it comes to taking care of him, he steps away, faster than a scared fox. He says he loves his wife and his son. I'm so tired, yeah he's so tired. Tired of seeing his mom pretending everything is totally fine. But she has to. She has to relax. Mom is beautiful, mom is the most amazing woman. Keicho loves mom. He spends a lot of time with her, she likes singing while she cooks. Her voice is amazing. Keicho loves laying on the couch with her. Keicho loves listening to what is going on inside her growing belly. Mom is pregnant. It's a question of few days, for her to give birth to his little brother.

She says he's never very far away, he leaves very often for work. Mommy says "working is good", better than being in bad company... right?

1984, February. He's so angry, mom, he's so angry. I'm so angry, mom, I'm so angry. His father smiles, his father laughs. How can he be in peace with himself? When months ago, she gave birth to their new little treasure, Okuyasu, he was away for work. Two-year-old Keicho never forgot it. Keicho was so angry. Angry at his old man, when he kissed his mom. Angry at his old man, when he caressed his little brother. Talking about him, Keicho loved him. He was so small, so defenseless against his father's hypocritical hands. Okuyasu loved his aniki back. The little one would grip Keicho's hand, and never let go. He would have never remembered that, growing up. But Keicho always had that memory in his mind. Forever and ever, until he died.

Where’s your dad? Tell me where’s your dad? Without even having to talk to him, he knows something's wrong.

1987, July. He's so desperate, mom, he's so desperate. I'm so desperate, mom, I'm so desperate. Why did you have to die? His old man smiles, his old man laughs. His old man fell into depression. Keicho, now a six-year-old, knows. This is so stressful. He can't even mourn his late mother. Because he has to stay strong. Mom is gone. Dad is depressed and will scream the whole day, scaring the little one. This results in Keicho being Okuyasu's only hope to smile. Keicho is so desperate, so desperate in seeing his mother's stuff still in their house, so desperate when his little sibling asks, in tears, where mommy is. How do you tell a three-year-old that his mom is now an angel? How do you wipe his tears and lie, telling him everything's gonna be okay?

Oh damn dad, tell me where you’re hiding. I must’ve counted my fingers, at least a trillion times.

1989, April. He's so pained, mom, He's so pained. I'm so pained, mom, I'm so pained. We miss you, mom. They miss you, mom. It's the fourth time this year. Dad receives gold and jewels from someone. He's mad. He's mad. Keicho doesn't know what's going on. Keicho knows his dad's economical struggles are gone. But he's not any better. Money won't solve the heavy depression mom's death created. Keicho feels that on his body so many times. Keicho always makes sure he's his father's target. Keicho sometimes fails. That's when he notices that failing is awful. Failing is for weak people. And he doesn't want to be weak. Because every time he fails in being his father's target, the old, damned man abuses Okuyasu's little fragile body. How can you abuse your five-year-old son and sleep at night? Who gives you that gold and jewels? Just take me, Keicho thinks. Don't touch my brother.

Even if we believe it or not, there’ll be a day we won’t believe it anymore. One day we’ll all be dads, and from one day to the other we’ll disappear.

1989, November. He's so scared, mom, he's so scared. I'm so scared, mom, I'm so scared. Help them. Help us. This is not their father. Keicho has just come back from school, his brother hand in hand with him. The old man is screaming. Screaming on the ground, about somebody who's died. He looks like a monster, when his face shows, almost green and ruined. Keicho doesn't flinch. Keicho has to be strong. He has to be strong for the small and innocent hands that are now gripping the back of his shirt, crying. He always holds him back. Okuyasu has always held him back. Keicho offers to call an ambulance. But this is no illness. "The flesh bud has gone berserk", he just screams. What's a flesh bud? He's so scared, he's so scared, when his old man runs off, leaving the two of them speechless, the only sounds to be heard are the noisy clock and Okuyasu's terrified sniffles.

Will we be hated? Will we be admired? Just passing on genes or geniuses? Tell us who gives birth to these irresponsible people?

1990, August. He's so hopeless, mom, he's so hopeless. I'm so hopeless, mom, I'm so hopeless. The old man is a glob of flesh, now. A glob of flesh that can't even tell they're his sons anymore. But their scars, can still tell a terrifying story of abuse and fear. Okuyasu is old enough. He doesn't need Keicho anymore. But now, he had relied on his aniki too much. Okuyasu is weak. And Keicho hates weakness. But Keicho knows it's his fault, too. He's only nine years old. And now he's the one who has to raise his little brother. And he's gonna raise him as a winner. Losers ruin everything. His father was a loser, and all he obtained from this was selling his soul and becoming a glob of shit. Nijimura Keicho now hates losers. Nijimura Keicho's heart starts hardening. Nijimura Okuyasu is the one who gets the consequences of this. Nijimura Okuyasu, becomes a loser to his aniki's eyes.

Tell us who, look. Everyone knows how to make babies, but no one knows how to make dads. Mr. Know-It-All must’ve inherited it.

1993, December. He's so annoyed, mom, he's so annoyed. I'm so annoyed, mom, I'm so annoyed. Keicho just can't keep up with school. He wants to do lots. He wants to be like other kids. He'd love to have friends to bring home. He can't. Keicho is annoyed, because he's the one who skips lessons, to take care of their useless father. Okuyasu came home, saying he's now friends with a boy. This is not fucking fair. Keicho loves his brother. But his brother is a loser, already. If losers get friends who tell them they're enough, they'll never shine bright like they should. Why Okuyasu can go out, make friends and take it easy? Why? Keicho punches his little brother, that day. He does it. Then he announces they both will abandon school. All the hate and the frustration Keicho has kept in his heart, all these years being held back because of his brother's sniffles and tears, detonates like a bomb on Okuyasu, whose innocency completely crumbles down. Then, he kicks his father's gross body. "WILL YOU STOP TOUCHING THAT FUCKING BOX?"

Maybe you need to wing it or something? Tell us where they’re hiding. We must’ve bitten our fingers, at least a billion times.

1999, September. He's so disgusted, mom, he's so disgusted. I'm so disgusted, mom, I'm so disgusted. Morioh Cho is a complete change of atmosphere. Every morning Keicho wakes up, and braids his long, blond lock of hair. Every morning Okuyasu wakes up, and fixes his hair in a small pompadour. They're men now. Keicho is so disgusted. So disgusted by the bow and arrow he holds, so disgusted by his brother, now betraying him. So disgusted by his father, who managed to have his family photo fixed by Higashikata Josuke. So disgusted by his life. Okuyasu's eyes had never been so deep and sad, when he asks his aniki to let go of the bow and arrow. Okuyasu's body had never been so warm and dear, when Keicho desperately pushes him aside, saving him from a certain death against Red Hot Chili Pepper. Keicho is disgusted by his brother. Keicho is disgusted by how much he cares about Okuyasu. Keicho is disgusted by everything hurting his brother. Before he dies, Keicho realizes all he wanted was giving a future to Okuyasu. And all he did was denying it to him. Nijimura Keicho has always been held back from his brother. "You were always... holding me back..." He tells Okuyasu, before dying. Yes. Always holding him back from being disgusted by himself. It was a thank you.

"Keicho? Keicho?" it feels like an angel is talking. "Come here, Keicho..." He's wandering in a blinding light. That voice. He may never mistake it with someone else's. That voice.

1999, September. He's dead, mom, he's dead. I'm dead, mom, I'm dead. He's now in peace. His mother's voice told him he's done great. He tries not to feel sure about this. But he can't. Nijimura Keicho really has done great. He's dead now, and wanders in a bright, blinding light, until something, until someone, hugs him from behind. He missed you, mom. I missed you, mom. She moves, like a feather. She's always been gentle. She's always been amazing. Mom says he's beautiful. Mom says he's been a great brother. And after all, mom says Okuyasu is safe. Okuyasu will become a great man. And that he'll always treasure Keicho's teachings. A couple of bitter tears fall down the man's cheeks, and he'd be normally disgusted. But now he's dead. And he's done great. Mom said that. So he smiles, while her gentle hands wipe his tears off. He follows her in the core of that blinding light. He follows her. Forever.

"In the very end... my brother defended me, didn't he?" Keicho heard that, hand in hand with his mother, walking in that neverending light. Keicho heard his brother's words. "Josuke... you saw it, right?" He sounded desperate. Yes. Keicho defended him. Because Keicho knew Okuyasu would have made him proud.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo part four #diamond is unbreakable #nijimura keicho #nijimura okuyasu #nijimura brothers

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cirilee · 4 years

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i just found a text my browser had saved on a word count website, and i apparently typed it last november while being sad - i just wanna have a place to post it, and it explains why i was gone for most of may through november last year.

if you’re interested, u can read, it’s basically just a long long long vent and i wanna save it somewhere :’)

(and if you wanna, you can tell me what u think of the whole thing, maybe share if something like that happened to you too, because man, this whole thing was WEIRD for me)

bottom line is: i’m much better now and have way better friends then back then and in general, i’m a pretty happy person again^^

My parents and me had been fighting a lot the past years. I still love them. For a while though, it was just shouting matches between us. We weren't really speaking to each other throughout january 2019 until april 2019, so i wasn't informed by them that they were planning to mOVE OUT. And the place they wanted to move to only had enough space for 2 people. now my brother and me had 3 months total to find and finance our own flats. i was desperate. 2 months i unsuccessfully searched for a job or a flat or a way to make a deposit for said flat, without any saved up money. an old school friend offered to move out together. i only saw him once every month for group activities. he was nice, but we also had a bit of a history. 3 years ago he had acted kinda scummy and tried to get me to be his girlfriend because "he couldnt find anybody else” - ending in a "movie night with friends" that turned out to be a trap, where the only one spending the night was me because he only invited me. creepy. he apologized and i forgave him and we were chill and it was normal between us. i realize now, that i should have just left him out of my life at that point. but time was running out, so i gave in and asked myself "whats the worst he could do. i’ve known this person for 12 years and the he's part of my friend group" we set up basic rules, how we would pay for stuff, etc. .. we moved in. it seemed fine. then i noticed that he talked A LOT. and he wanted A LOT of attention. after a day of working on my diploma or working at my job, he would assert himself in my room and try to engage in smalltalk. i am not the hermit type. i engaged with him, i joined in on his conversation. but when i was already tired he wouldn't accept "i'm gonna go to sleep". there was always something else he needed to talk about. I was trying to make clear to him that i needed alone time too, but no matter how honest i was, the message either didn't seem to stick, or he'd get upset and start asking me if i hated him. With that, i could have kept up with in the long run. Then he started knocking on my door. even when it was already late and i already told him i was gonna go to sleep. Repeatedly knocking on my door. At some point he just opened the door. It was 1am. I pretended to sleep. I could hear him breathing, it sounded angry. He eventually closed the door. The next morning i confronted him. He argued it away as him trying to warn me that he was going to take a shower, so that i wouldn't use the bathroom. He started commenting on how i wasn't funny enough around him. in that friend group, i'm the funny one :c. but i cant keep up that energy 24/7 (this was supposed to be a home, not a free neverending standup act, for this one guy). that confused him. the next day he asked me if i had depression. My parents had given me a griller/toaster as a parting gift (there’s a backstory for that too but anyways) my flatmate ALSO had that same toaster. He demanded we make up our minds which one to keep. i didn't understand why this was important to him and i hated discussing this useless topic with him so i stored the toaster in my room. He repeatedly suggested i throw mine away (?). One evening i got hungry and decided i'd make myself a toast in my room. So i made some toast. Suddenly he bursts in. And he starts ranting. "why are you doing this are you CRAZY you cant TOAST in your own room thats DANGEROUS you're gonna start a fire, don't ever do that again, we have a KITCHEN for that. why don't you want to use the kitchen you cant just HIDE from me every day, this is OUR flat and i want us to live TOGETHER!" He didn't stop talking and it overwhelmed me, so (this is embarrassing, but) i actually started crying and i turned away from him so i could try to control myself. and he just started babytalking me "awww its alright i didn't mean to scare you, but you see, you shouldn't have done that". he tried putting his arms around me, i told him to stop. "you need a hug right now" ...... i was so angry i think my brain might have short circuited because the next hour was me just acting the whole way through. i told him everything he wanted to hear. i was so sorry for almost burning the house down and made up some explanation that my parents were still making me sad, so i needed distance. The next big thing involved one of my best friends. she wanted to spontaneously go out for an evening. so i put on some pants and of course: HE appears in my room, asking where i'm going. i was surprised by the question and just answered "going out with Lina" he left it at that. then suddenly: "can i come too?" He threw me off with that question. Lina had said she needed some advice on personal stuff, so I said "no" because i didn't have a better answer. he got ANGRY. i explained. "Lina wants some privacy, i'm sorry" He starts arguing that Lina is just as much his best friend, and that he should be allowed to hear what she wants to say to me. Before i can reply he slams his door shut. "Don't even try to explain yourself", he says. I told my friend while meeting up with her and she began with the sympathetic "you should have said yes" and we argued about it and then she came out with this absolutely horrifying sentence: "you know how he is. you cant be *too* honest with him. he's sensitive. you need to lie to him so he doesn't get mad" it was as if i'd been splashed with cold water. i said i didn't agree with that. that that was actually unfair to HIM. nobody likes being lied to and treated less than. she called him, told him i was gonna apologize and he showed up with the angriest expression i ever saw in his face. he accused me of being depressed and that he now has the burden of my mental issues to bear. This he assumed because one night i told him about me dissassociating sometimes a few years ago. Then he wanted me to promise i would never leave him, because he's afraid i won't be able to pay my part of the rent. the crowning moment was my friend Lina mostly agreeing with him and both of them berating me for not having my life together because i still hadn't managed to find an open-ended contract job, only limited-time jobs. at the end he justified himself by saying he cant stand my parents phoning me. (at that point they had started calling me everyday and showed genuine concern ... i was trying to reform a bond with them) - apparently he resented that. he knew about my parents disciplining me with face slaps as a kid (when i was 9-11 yrs old) (they feel bad about it, and they they stopped doing it fairly early) in that moment my flatmate chose to tell me ..... (hoo boy i need to get ready to type this) .... "i'm concerned about you. if your father would ever beat you, i would beat him to a bloody pulp" then he repeated "i would beat him/kill him" a few times, VERY agitatedly. it was scary and at that point i was numb. i didn't really respond, i just said "its fine" or something to that extent. the thing that made me decide to move out (although certainly among many that followed that night) was this: one morning i informed him i was going to visit my parents that weekend. we had started talking again (as i mentioned before and i wanted to meet them without fighting for once). he says "but you're coming back, right". i say "of course don't be so nervous". i go to work. i get a LOT OF texts from him suddenly. i skim through it. he's mad about me calling him "nervous". i don't reply/read bc i am at work. Then he actually CALLS me. i don't pick up. now i'm thinking: What is so important, that he has to call me during work. there's a 4 paragraph essay in my inbox. "watch your mouth", "you have no right to speak that way to me", "you should have more respect". he was mad i called him nervous. i responded that i don't have time to reply. he argued back. at one point i said "if i cant even call you nervous then i'm ACTUALLY gonna stay with my parents" he fiNALLY didn't reply to that. after a 10hour day i come home. i wanna shower. i go to my room, close the door and start undressing myself. of course, there's knocking on my door. i say "No" he flips out. i calmly tell him i'm only half dressed. he flips out even more, says i'm a horrible person who WANTS to fight because my "no" wasn't a good enough answer and i should have explained in full detail why he couldn't get in. he was actually SERIOUS. this was his reasoning for flipping out. he goes away. not even a minute passes by and he hammers his fist against my door again. "OPEN UP THIS TIME I *HAVE* TO COME IN" at this point i'm beginning to get kinda scared so i say "come in" He comes in and says he needs me to disconnect with the wifi because he needs it for his work. i calmly say "ok" and disconnect my wifi. he goes away, leaves the door open. i stand up to go and close my door. HE ACTUALLY GOES AND PULLS AGAINST ME TO TRY TO PRY IT OPEN AGAIN. eventually he lets go and then he flips out FOR REAL. he starts screaming about how i'm a psycho, and that im crazy and awful and he has been nothing but nice and that he "saved" me and i haven't been thankful enough.

.... ..

yes, i was in a difficult position. but that flatmate arrangement was made on even ground. he had wanted to move out from his parents for years. i fled and left. called my parents, but they were miles away and laughed it off. i would have probably too. i called my friends. Lina offered to come and mediate. He continued screaming even with Lina there. It culminated with him roaring at me, pointing at the door saying "if you don't like how i treat you, there's the door, leave right now" with lina replying "don't say that, you NEED her money to pay rent!" it was awful, and an eye-opener. the next day, on the way to work, i decided i was gonna move out. and before i could tell him, i get a message from him (!). An ultimatum. he tells me i have 3 options. 1) leave immediately and take my stuff away within a week. i wouldn't have "pay any more than i've already payed" (it was the first day of that month and i had already payed my rent. nice) 2) stay for half a year, but immediately pay him something so that he knows i'll stay 3) stay indefinitely, but set up a " bevahiour contract" with him, so this "never happens again" i told him i'd take option 1 and then i stayed over at a friends house. then at a friends shared appartement. then at dormitary and soon i'm gonna move in with my younger brother. we've been estranged a bit but grown closer through this whole thing. now Lina and him are still friends and lina blames me for "everyone in our friend group" being mad at him. one of her first concerns, was that her birthday parties are gonna be weird now. i am completely done with her as well and don't want her in my life anymore. according to her, I left him with a rent he cant pay and i should feel bad for that. except i dont. should i though?

#vent #rant

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princessmadafu · 4 years

Text

I have the conch!!!

Good morning. Mad’s still snoozing, so I’m popping this up while it’s quiet. This is a Forbes article from March 2019 that I thought was important enough to save:

Meghan Markle: Does The British Tax Payer Know How Much 'Me-Gain' Royal Is Costing?

Roger Aitken Contributor

The Duchess of Sussex, aka Meghan Markle, is watching her popularity and acceptance sinking, possibly taking the British Royal Family with her. Apparently, the way to make the public in Britain like her is to spend tax-payers money on PR machines on both sides of the Atlantic, in addition to a generous allowance.

Being in the public eye puts a person under a degree of scrutiny – and especially when you are a Royal. Some voluntarily choose the public eye, and some are born into it.

It is also not easy to be famous in the age of social media, especially as an entertainer, sports star or actress. Royalty also endures scrutiny, as we can attest to with the lives of Queen Elizabeth II, Princess Anne, and even Prince Charles and Princess Diana.

Mixing the two, entertainer and royalty, results in a new breed of fame, which can sometimes work out. Or not.

Just last weekend (March 23) in The Express tabloid it was reported that royal expert, Anna Pasternak, ventured that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s marriage is “going to become increasingly difficult.”

The author of ‘Untitled: The Real Wallis Simpson, Duchess of Windsor’, Pasternak claimed that Duchess is heading into a “tricky situation” – akin or similar to that faced by Wallis Simpson and Princess Diana, where the “ultimate goal is survival.” Strong stuff. Like Simpson, Markle is a divorcee.

The most famous marriage of royalty to entertainment was in 1956 when Grace Kelly, the American film actress, became Princess of Monaco after marrying Prince Rainier III in April of that same year.

One of the most famous actresses in the world at the time, armed with a stable of films for which she received high acclaim, plus an Academy Award for Best Actress (1955) tucked under her arm, retired from acting at the age of 26 and began her duties as the Princess of Monaco.

According to reports, Princess Grace was loved and accepted by the public during her lifetime, and when she died at the age of 52, according to biographer Jeffrey Robinson, “…it was like the lights went out. Monaco just stopped.”

Move forward to 2018, where another actress has married into a royal family – this time, in the United Kingdom (U.K), which has for the last three years been torn apart by ongoing Brexit trials and tribulations. The tension in the country is palpable.

Meghan Markle, a relatively small-time actress say some, married Prince Harry of Wales on May 19, 2018, at St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle.

Although not so well known prior to this – her second marriage – she was best known for a small role in a series named Suits. Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex and sixth in line to thrown, on the other hand, was the younger son of one of the most famous Royals in history, Princess Diana of Wales, and known throughout the world due to his Royal status. His Royal Highness spent ten years working in the Armed Forces, ending operational duties in 2015.

Meghan Markle, who grew up in a middle-class household, was looked after by her family throughout her life. When her father won the lottery when she was nine years old, he seemingly made sure that every cost was covered for Meghan, sending her to the best schools and training. Well, why not if you have it.

Of course, Prince Harry grew up as a Royal, and unlike his brother Prince William, seemed to like the partying side of life a little more. As his Royal Highness grew up he was in the papers often, normally for partying in Las Vegas or some other antics. But he knew the price of being in the public eye and putting a foot out of place. Yet he is 100% British and the public love him, still, regardless of these reports.

There was finally an announcement in November of 2017 that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry were engaged, which was soon followed by an interview, which was the start of Meghan’s descent.

During this interview, Meghan proclaimed that she did not know much about Prince Harry, and because she was American, did not really understand the importance of the Royal family – although she was snapped in a photo in front of Buckingham palace when she was 15 and apparently had many books on Diana and the royal family, according to reports.

All of this gave fuel to the British public, who started to leave negative remarks in the comments sections of online publications by the hundreds, if not thousands.

At Meghan and Prince Harry’s wedding, on May 19, 2018, there were no family present from her side, except for her mother, in sharp contrast to the marriage of Catherine Middleton and Prince William of Wales, the now Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

Catherine was surrounded by friends and family, with her sister acting as Maid of Honor in pictures that went viral for ‘that dress’.

Meghan’s wedding received widespread attention for the lack of family and close friends. Prince Charles gave her away, although her own father is alive and living in Mexico, and she had her own shadow as a Maid of Honor. Again, the British public were left puzzled, as seen by the comments in the media.

Of course, with their exclusion from this great event, Meghan’s own family took great exception, with the most vocal being Samantha Markle – followed by her father, uncles and cousins – who could not understand why this happened. And, they never got an answer. But they had a clue when Prince Harry went on the radio and said that the Royal family would now be the “family Meghan never had.”

Meghan’s family shot back immediately that this was all a lie, protesting and offering proof of the opposite. Samantha even explained that the father financed all of Meghan’s education, while Meghan stated at a conference she paid for her own education. Yet Samantha has receipts from the father, apparently.

At the same time, reports of the cost of this wedding, mixed with the drama of the Markle family, hit fever pitch. According to the British tabloid, the Express, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s Royal wedding is said to have racked up a £32 million bill (c.$41.6 million at the current exchange rate), with the majority of that hefty sum (paid for by the British taxpayer) going towards security – a whopping £30 million (c.$39 million), to be exact.

One might argue that with all the zillions of tourists flocking to Britain with pull of Buckingham Palace, seeing the Royals and the nation’s deep and rich history, it was frankly a drop in the ocean.

Figures also show that £1.5 million (c.$1.95 million) was spent by the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport (DCMS), a U.K. government department that has responsibility for the creative industries, tourism and leisure across the nation. Some will be more familiar with the DCMS in the pursuit of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg in giving oral evidence before the committee in Parliament.

All this while wages and living standards for your average working Brit are depressed and have been so since the last financial crisis around a decade ago.

The public seems to have had enough now, with people writing on sites that they feel Meghan is embarrassing the Royal Family, and the public in turn, even “taking them for fools”, adding that “Harry is a young and naive and cannot see what is happening before him.” Prince Harry is 34 and Meghan in 37, which is very close in age.

People have seemingly too become incensed at all of the reports and apparent lies that Meghan has told, and started to turn against the Duchess of Sussex now in serious numbers, on blogs, forums and websites. Not Harry. Meghan. The Duchess of Sussex.

She has even apparently been given a nickname by royal staff at the royal household – “Me-Gain.” And, Harry quite clearly is said to be very unhappy with that.

Dicky Arbiter, a Royal insider and ex-Palace press, speaking to Nine News Australia on Harry’s reaction to these reports, was quoted as saying: “He would be angry that something like this is coming out. You have got to remember too…I mean, you were here for the wedding and you saw how the media were operating. They were putting Meghan and Harry right up on a pedestal. Since the end of summer in the autumn, they have been chipping away at those pedestals and really having a go.”

Cosmopolitan magazine stated in a report referring to “Me-Gain” comments apparently made by royal staff writing: “To be honest, there’s probably little to no truth to rumors that staff call Meghan by this nickname, but that doesn’t make the reports any less hurtful, obvs!” That said, gossip about the Royal family certainly sells newspapers.

Every day it seems, articles come online and in print about Meghan, reporting on everything from the dishes she serves guests (avocado on toast) to her wardrobe (with outfits costing up to £100,000 (c.$130,000 each), her extravagant baby showers – two to be exact and more.

The public perception of her started to sink faster than a millstone in water. They made it clear that they would not suffer another Wallis Simpson.

The palace knew they were in trouble and started to hire PR, separating the Duke and Duchess of Sussex from the Cambridges, and giving them their own household.

According to reports, even Prince William and Catherine observed the negative publicity, fearing it will outshine the work and legacy of the Royal Family as a whole, and wanted to separate themselves from what has been labelled “the Markle Effect.”

Meghan Markle’s PR chief moved positions and became the fifth aide she has lost since she married Prince Harry. According to The Sun, Jason Knauf is now a “senior adviser” for the Cambridges’ charities. In addition, the general consensus among royal reporters is that Meghan is seen as difficult and high energy and is said to “snap” at palace employees.

Following this move, and the desire to separate the Sussexs’ from the Cambridges’, according to The Daily Mail The Queen agreed to the creation of a Household for The Duke and Duchess of Sussex and gave permission for it to be based at Buckingham Palace.

As part of the new order, Harry and Meghan have named Sara Latham, Hillary Clinton’s former Senior Campaign Advisor, as their new dedicated head of communications. With costs estimated and thought to be in the ball park of £500,000 to £1 million (c.$650,000 to $1.3 million), it will be paid for by the tax payer. The ultimate irony. They are spending tax-payers money to make the Duchess of Sussex likeable to the very people who are not warming to her, by spending their money.

Viscount Yves de Contades, CEO of International Excellence Magazine and luxury expert remarking on these recent matters, said: “Relating to populist media through PR experts has become indispensable, because if you are not talking to them directly, they will simply take it from any source – however unreliable.”

He added: “Unfortunately sensational stories get read substantially more than the truth. Good PR is about maintaining certain values and connecting honestly with your audience. And, it would be wise to pay those bills yourself.”

Frank Marr, CEO and owner of A Marr + Associates and a reputation management/PR expert based in London, said: “Reputation management is imperative for the monarchy. In an era of discontent, erratic political situations along with the big gap between the rich and the poor, there has never been a more important need to explain why the royalty is needed for the nation.”

He added: “Their role as pillars to society and how they can play their part to support the nation [Britain] needs to be managed in order to maintain reasoning for this existence of influence.”

Is this really the right approach?

According to inside sources, who like Meghan’s friends cannot be named, Royal Communications have a very lucrative deal with People Magazine in America. The reason? Apparently, they feel if Americans fall in love with her, then the Brits will naturally follow.

This is made clear when American actors like George Clooney have recently criticized media treatment of Meghan saying she is being “pursued and vilified”, and likening her scrutiny to that was received by Princess Diana. Like all PR for Meghan, this statement, too, seems to be doing more harm than good, with thousands of people leaving vitriolic comments.

Others have expressed the thought that “Princess Diana-style PR will backfire on Meghan Markle and it’s not worth the gamble”, as reported in The Sun. And why is that? This one is quite simple. Because she is not Princess Diana, and many people are quick to point out that she is quite the opposite.

According to Lorraine Kelly’s viewpoint, the well-known Scottish journalist and broadcaster wrote: “Meghan Markle has mishandled her relationship with her dad Thomas ever since she began dating Prince Harry and she seems intent on making it worse.”

“By all accounts the Duchess of Sussex has taken it upon herself to brief several of her “close friends” to blab to a U.S. gossip magazine about how hurtful she has found the whole saga, and that – contrary to what everyone thinks – she has been in touch with her father Thomas.”

And, according to Samantha Markle, this could not be further from the truth. And again, she has the proof.

The British public expect the Royal Family to be wholesome. Perhaps not virginal, but wholesome, and a divorcee from America who has perhaps told a little fib or two, or ten, is just not sitting well.

And, the fact that the British public, again, are left paying the bill is a bridge too far for many of them as she as seen as the antithesis of what a Royal should be – loyal, demure, honest, caring, family oriented, frugal and modest.

Meghan is appearing, by her own fault, to be none of these. And to be honest, why would she want to be anything but herself? Why should she care what the people think about her? Well, again, it is simple. It is because she now represents a Royal Family, one which has outlasted most, and wants to live to see another day.

According to an article in Town and Country magazine, Meghan is worth $5 million compared to Prince Harry’s $40 million, a sum he has accumulated from funds left in trust to him by his mother, Princess Diana, an inheritance from the Queen Mother, and his former salary as a captain in the British Army.

Yet, the British public ARE paying for Meghan’s PR, and hopefully they will learn to love her, for Harry’s sake. Regardless of what opinions are about Harry’s girl, the bill for Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, is being paid for by the British tax payers, and hopefully they will get what they pay for. And, it’s certainly racking up in any currency.

Let them eat cake? You betcha!

Follow Roger, an ex-FT writer who has penned various investment stories, on Twitter @AitkenRL, LinkedIn, Forbes, Google+. He won a State Street Institutional Press award in 2015.

Roger AitkenContributor

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