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#<- me saying this as if I don’t have the exact same mentality as you whenever I open my mouth tough dsjagfjsjjdhsk
lilgynt · 8 months
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my supervisor straight up yelled at my coworker/us by extension that is not how you should reprimand at all 😭😭
#personal#i drove him home today unrealted bc usually our supervisor does it and i was like 😃 oh shit im so happy he doesn’t have to drive home with#that situation#i’m gonna be driving him home now probably just bc he’s literally ON my way same path and everything plus fuck it man driving home with ur s#supervisor gotta be awkward#no but the open floor plan is so weird sometimes#like having weekly meetings where you air out what someone did wrong or give any news to by their direct coworkers is weird#personally hasn’t effected me other than the one time my supervisor came to my desk and was like are you quitting#and i was like no my dads care taker is just leaving so i’m soaking up any rest time. i have a mental illness of over sharing so i don’t#care but i’m aware on a worker level that’s not good regardless how i feel#and i’ve overheard coworker explain oh yeah rest room tjme was high bc of my period or r#not open floor plan but my supervisor complaining about someone being dumb in a very specific scenario#guess who came in next day with that exact situation#which i guess could just be venting or gossip and isn’t that deep but also awkward to say hi to my coworker than realize oh our supervisor#was shit talking you yesterday#but anyway i know my oh my god she was like other companies are like this too girl please#like. i was saying i know my work place is just kinda loosey goosey and toxic but every time i hear something i shouldn’t on this floor i’m
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tootiecakes234 · 3 months
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I just know you would receive “gifts” from Katsuki all the time. They’d be little things to make your life easier that you didn’t even know you needed.
You like to read at night to unwind, but sometimes it’ll be a really good book so you want to stay up reading it. The thing is you don’t wanna bother Katsuki cuz you know he has a strict bedtime. This means often times you’ll stay a little longer in the living room reading as to not bother him.
One night you’re getting ready for bed when you see a box next to your bed.
“Hey Kat, is this yours?”, you say loud enough for him to hear you in the bathroom.
He peaks his head out the door and says, “No, I ordered it for you.” And then goes back to what he was doing.
You sit on the edge of the bed and open it up. It’s a reading light with a dampener so you can adjust the brightness.
He comes dragging his little slippered feet towards his side of the bed.
“Now you can keep your ass in bed. Tired of waking up and you being asleep on the couch. I’m an old man, I can’t keep carrying you to bed.”
You look at him with a bright smile on your face.
“You know you can just say, you like me being in the bed with you while you’re sleeping. You know, because I’m your big bad protector and I make you feel safe.”
“There is no talking to you sometimes you know that?”
It’s winter time and you always have your gloves on because you HATE your fingers being cold. The only problem is of course you have to remove said gloves to use your phone when you’re out and that SUCKS.
You’re out with him one day and you’ve been texting back and forth with Mina because her and her girlfriend are in an argument and she of course comes to you about it.
You are always there for your friend so you’ve been removing and putting on your gloves over and over again until Katsuki can’t stand it anymore.
You’re outside on a bench waiting for him while he runs into some shop when he comes back out he snatches your phone out of your hand.
“What the hell? I’m usin-“ you start shouting at him.
“ give me those shitty gloves and put these on. I’m sick of watching you struggle.”
When you look down you see a pair of gloves in your favorite color.
“How are these any different from the ones I have now, Mr. Know-it-all”
He smirks at you, “These gloves are thicker than those thin ones you use AND they work on smart phones.. so yea. I do know it all.”
“Oh…. Well thanks I guess” you murmur lowly.
“Now you can talk Racoon eyes through her mental breakdowns without getting frost bite in your fingers.”he says then hands you back your phone. “She deserve better than that idiot anyways. Don’t why she keeps putting up with it.”
Katsuki is leaving for a mission today and you’ve been so gloomy. He gonna be gone at least 3 days, maybe even the whole week.
You’re been wrapped around him like ivy since you woke up this morning.
“Listen woman, I have to go. You do this every time.”he says with his arms wrapped around you waist pulling you even more flush against him.
“You should clone yourself or something. Who am I gonna cuddle with now?? And who is gonna cook for me?? I’ll die of starvation before you get back. Is that what you want. To come home to a dead girlfriend???”
“You are so damn dramatic. Cuddle with the damn plethor of plushies you have in my goddamn bed. And as far as food… you won’t starve. You’ll just eat out everyday and I’ll come back to you complaining you’ve gained weight when you look the exact same.”
“I do not.”, you start to object.
“Yes you do. Which is why I made a few meals and froze them.” He says all smug, cuz he knows that would surprise you.
“You what??” You ask looking up at him with wide eyes.
“There’s a pot pie and dumplings. I even stored a lasagna in there.” Then his phone buzzes letting him know his ride is downstairs.
“Ok I gotta go. I love you.” And he bends down to give you a deep kiss. “Be safe. Call Eiji if you need anything and try not to burn the house down before I get back.”
“I love you too. Come back to me in one piece please.”
He smiles at you, “always”
He kisses you one more time and then heads to the car.
You go directly to the fridge to see the frozen meals he left you. And not only are the packages all neatly but he’s left the heating instructions on top for you.
To say there were tears shed would be an understatement.
Katsuki Masterlist
Tags: @dreamcastgirl99 @xxvendettaxx @justbepeace @moonpieshawdy @theloveofnagiseishiroslife @mintsbubbletea @darkstarlight82 @anon-mouse223 @b134ch-m4h-ey3z @i-literally-cant-with-this @flowerbedbaby @kit-katsukii @blaize-hewwo @sweetblueworm @tippy-toes @superlegend216
Let me know if you wanna be added to the tag list in the comments💕
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spideyjimin · 11 months
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wrong time | jjk
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⤷ part of the timing series 
⏤ pairing: jungkook x female reader
⏤ genre: parent au, exes to lovers, ceo au, angst, fluff, and smut
⏤ rating: 18+
⏤ warnings: dilf!jungkook, tattooed!jungkook, swearing, mention of breakup, mention of jk being a fuckboy, broken hearts, nervousness, communication issues, mention of going through a dark period, oc wasn’t really nice, mention of sickness, mention of the hard side of parenthood, jk and oc are workalcoholics, the closure conversation, mention of sex, mention of death, mention of grief, mention of cheating,  sexual tension, dom!jungkook, big cock!jungkook, nipple play, pet names, penetrative sex, protected sex, rough sex, and creampie
⏤ words: 13,986
⏤ summary: meeting ten years later the girl he deeply fell in love with is something Jungkook never thought would happen. But here you are, standing before his eyes with a bright smile on your face as you walk through the massive lobby of his company. At that exact moment, he realizes that the two of you fell in love at the wrong time but is now the right time?  
⏤ author’s note: wrong time is finally all yours! i actually can’t believe it’s finally posted after almost a year of work! but it also makes me incredibly happy to release it. the past year has been a crazy year and this fic is a reflection of all that. most of the things mentioned in the fic are things that i experienced so this makes wrong time even more special to my heart 💞 i really want to thank my nikki @xpeachesncream​ for her support, i know i couldn’t have done it without her! 💞 enjoy the fic & let me know what you thought of it!💞 
MASTERLIST
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A bright smile spreads across Jungkook’s face as he stares down at his five years old daughter, Arya. In the past ten years, he has made quite a lot of mistakes but Arya will forever remain his best mistake.
“Have a wonderful day, my little queenie,” he says while kneeling down at his daughter’s level.
His smile grows wider when his eyes linger a little longer on the small human being that he adores with his entire soul. She looks extremely tiny in her navy blue dress and with her massive backpack. Arya doesn’t get to choose what she wears when she goes to school, she has her uniform. So outside school, her father lets her pick whatever she wants to dress.
“You too, dadda,” she says before throwing her minuscule body into Jungkook’s arms.
Having his daughter in his arms is what truly brings warmth and happiness to his broken soul. For this, he’d sell his soul to the devil, and for her, he’d fight every battle. Well, honestly speaking, he has been battling his own demons since the moment he found out he’d become a father. He never wanted her daughter to have an absent or mentally sick father. He wanted to be present for her from the beginning.
“Tonight mommy will pick you up, and you’ll stay with her for the week, okay?”
Jungkook is the CEO of Jeon Industries, the company he built from ashes seven years ago. Due to his extremely busy schedule, he only gets to spend the weekends with his daughter. Every monday morning, he drops her at school before passing by her mother’s house to drop her things off, and then, he goes to work.
“Yes, dadda, I know,” she says with a nod.
The only thing he deeply regrets is offering this family dynamic to his daughter. She always lives in between two houses, and only spends the weekdays with her mother and the weekends with her father. He wished to give her the same family he grew up in, but despite that, he knows that his little baby is very happy which is the most important for him.
“If anything happens, you ask mommy to call me, okay princess?”
The little girl nods once more before newly squeezing her father in her arms.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be with mama,” she simply replies.  
Eunji, Arya’s mother has become a great friend of Jungkook, and he knows that she’ll take good care of his tiny princess. But he’s always scared something might happen to her. A life without her is something he doesn’t want to imagine. A little over six years ago, he wouldn’t even be able to imagine himself becoming a father but today, it is the other way around. This little girl has brought so much light into his life. A light he never thought he’d find.
“Bye, dadda,” she says before pressing a gentle kiss on his cheek.
A small smile appears on his face while he turns around and stands up to look at his little girl walking to the school’s entrance. His eyes don’t leave her tiny figure until she reaches her school and disappears from his field of vision. At that moment, he feels a little twinge in his heart. He’ll deeply miss Arya for the next few days, but that’s the way it is.
The only way to spend every single day with her is to get into a relationship with her mother, but ever since he met her, he has never loved her. There’s only one woman he ever loved. It’s the one that got away. You. Even after those past ten years, he’s still not over you. And to be honest, he doesn’t think he’ll ever get over you. The void you left inside his heart is tremendous and nobody, except you, will ever be able to fill it.  
After a couple of minutes of standing in front of his daughter’s school, he walks to his car with his hands in his suit pants’ pockets. With his head down, he tries to wipe away the fact that he already misses his daughter and that he still misses you after all this time. Some years ago, he believed that by now he would have had his life together but he’s still as lost as he was after the breakup.
Things are for sure different because he has Arya and he’s used to living with this sadness. He has also become the CEO of one of the biggest companies in the country. He has also stopped being a fuckboy, he tries to find someone that’ll want to spend the rest of their life with him but it’s not easy when he compares all the girls to his old lover. None of them actually stand a chance.
His phone rings, causing him to remove it from his pocket. The name of his assistant is appearing on the screen, and without thinking, he picks up the call. It’s always important when Davy calls him.
“Hey Davy,” he says as he answers the call.
“Hello, Mr. Jeon,” the man on the other side of the call says, “Mr. Kim is here and wants to speak with you urgently.”
A deep sight leaves his lips. Kim Taehyung is his best scientist. Without this man, Jeon Industries wouldn’t have grown as much as it has over the past three years. So if he wants to speak with him urgently, it must be extremely important.
“I’m on my way,” he simply answers.
Today, he was planning on taking the morning off to rest a bit. The past few months have been extremely crazy with the expansion of Jeon Industries but when you’re a CEO, you actually never get to rest. There’s always something.
The call directly ends and Jungkook doesn’t waste one more minute before rushing to his car to get to his company as soon as possible. A million ideas run through his mind as he drives to his office. There are a lot of possible urgent matters to discuss.
However, he doesn’t want to start imagining the worst-case scenario so he turns the music up. Music is his getaway, the way he found to escape how empty he feels every day, the way he found to cheer himself up to find the courage to hide from everyone how broken he truly is. Usually, being with Arya also helps him to feel better.
Work is also his escapism but lately, he’s been trying to live more and work less. He’s been also considering trying to find a new arrangement with Eunji in order to spend a day with Arya during the week. Or to even completely change the arrangement. Spending more time with his little girl is his top priority, he just needs to figure out things first. Plus, changing the arrangement would completely turn Arya’s life upside down, and he doesn’t want to do that before being sure that his busy schedule can be rearranged.
In less than twenty minutes, Jungkook reaches the massive building sheltering Jeon Industries. He parks his car in the company’s underground parking before quickly jumping out of the car and walking to the elevator. This first elevator only goes to the first floor which is the main entrance of his company. Then, he’ll have to walk a bit to reach the other elevator that will bring him to his office.
Once he reaches the first floor, he crosses it, his eyes scanning the people in the room. As usual, it is crowded with workers. While looking at every face, he recognizes a familiar one. A face he wished he had forgotten. A face that has been haunting him night and day for the past ten years. A face that made his heart beat faster. Well, in fact, his heart is actually going completely crazy right now.
Jungkook halts to take a proper look at that face he never thought he would ever see again. That face is yours, the lover he lost years ago. He rubs his eyes, wanting to make sure that he’s not dreaming. Tiredness can make him imagine things, especially when it comes to you. But after rubbing his eyes, you’re still there, talking to a person next to you and smiling.
Meeting ten years later the girl he deeply fell in love with is something Jungkook never thought would happen. But here you are, standing before his eyes with a bright smile on your face as you walk through the massive lobby of his company.
His heart breaks a little because it is so unfortunate that he gets to see you here and now. Since he has to rush to his office to discuss whatever he has to with Taehyung, he won’t have the time to at least say hi to you. Something he would like to do. His eyes follow you as you disappear into the lobby with that person.
He wishes he was the reason behind your smile.
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The past month has been an incredible one for you.  
You joined Jeon Industries as a scientist which is more than an honor for you. This company is one of the biggest at the moment, and for sure, it’s a privilege to be working amongst the most talented scientists in the country. Being there for the past month has been rewarding.
But outside that, you’ve been feeling extremely proud of Jungkook. He has built this entire empire from ashes and he did it so well. The company is well known in South Korea and very slowly, it is getting known worldwide. People are fighting to get a job here, you’ve seen it when you were applying for your current job. This is bigger than what he ever dreamed of or at least, bigger than what he told you about.
You still remember how he used to talk about his project of creating his little company. He’d spent hours imagining how it would be to start a business, how it would be to find the first employee, how it’d be to do experiences, and also, how it would simply feel to run a firm. His head was full of dreams that he would constantly share with you. You assume that he must feel like he has achieved everything in life.
A little smile appears on your face as you remember the old times. It isn’t always all rainbows and sunshine but there wasn’t any doubt that you both loved each other. Falling in love with him was absolutely wonderful. You’d fall in love all over again just to experience that strong feeling again.
For sure, since Jungkook, you got other boyfriends and you even got engaged. However, falling for them was never as close as falling for Jungkook. It was even far from that but it doesn’t change that it was still beautiful. Love is an incredible life experience, something you’d fight for every single day of your life. You even got a tattoo of the word “love” in japanese on your shoulder.
Right now, you’re walking to a meeting room with your team. Kim Taehyung, the director of your department, wants to have a little meeting. Probably to discuss the new project or probably to discuss the last project’s results.
Soon enough, everyone enters the meeting room. To your surprise, Taehyung is already there, patiently waiting for the team to arrive. But what really surprises you is the person sitting next to Taehyung. Jeon Jungkook. They are both talking, a little smile on the big boss’ face.
Instantly, your heart starts hammering in your chest, ready to burst at any moment. Although you hoped never to meet him here, you knew it was in vain. This is his fucking company. This is all his, including you. There was no way you’d never see him.
As you get closer to both men, you take in the man you once loved with all your soul. To say that he hasn’t changed would be a complete lie. He still looks the same but he’s a very different man. Slowly, his face turns to meet you. Unlike you, he doesn’t seem surprised to see you entering the meeting room.
When your eyes meet, you feel like it becomes obvious to everyone that your heart is about to explode while Jungkook’s expression becomes more serious. It is almost as if he’s becoming cold but you can’t really tell because in ten years a person can change a lot. So maybe he’s simply normal right now.
As you look at him, it feels like time has completely stopped. Your heart is beating way too strongly in your chest, your hands are getting sweaty, and you purse your lips. Right now, as you’re standing in front of Jungkook, you’re starting to regret working here. For sure, it’s very prestigious but the CEO is your damn ex. Having to face him will for sure be extremely hard.
“Hey everyone,” Taehyung says with a little smile appearing on his face.
With those words, your eyes move from Jungkook to Taehyung. Your thoughts are focused again on work, not the man who owns this company.
“Thanks, everyone for coming,” he pursues.  
The director keeps on talking, explaining the last project you all worked on and its results. Your heart swells with pride when he explains the results and shows the good work of your team. As you deeply listen to your superior, you completely forget that Jungkook is even here. Work has always been your safe place. For sure, it shouldn’t be but it is what has helped you to get yourself together and to overcome your devastating breakup. A breakup that you caused.
Truth be told, you never wanted to end things with Jungkook but you needed it. This relationship brought so much crap to the surface, and you were in a very dark place. To be honest, you didn’t want to deal with your ex because everything was so overwhelming so you pushed him away. You never wanted to hurt him but in the end, that’s exactly what you did. Before even ending things, you were already pushing him away, you were always finding an excuse to not spend time with him. Back then, you discovered that you were good at finding excuses.
But you did wrong.
For sure, you could have talked with him. You could have communicated what was going on with him and even today, you know that he would have helped you. He would have remained by your side until you felt better. But you didn’t want that because you knew he deserved better. Well, that’s what you have been repeating yourself for the past years. But was it really the truth? Was he really better off without you?
Honestly, that’s something you’ll never know because you chose to walk away. You chose to be the one that got away. You didn’t choose to stay and fight your inner demons with him by your side. You chose to do it on your own, and eventually, you tried to replace the void he created in your heart with other guys. Only, it never worked because you were damaged, deeply damaged.
It only got better when you decided to work on yourself and make things work for yourself. For the past six years, you’ve been doing tremendous work on yourself. It’s never easy but you’ve found peace within yourself. Even if you’d like to credit yourself for that bravery, it was actually your ex-fiancé who opened your eyes.
Kangdae entered your life when everything was only chaos. You never thought it would work between you two but through that chaos, he was the light at the end of the tunnel. He showed you how broken you were and that you could get some help, that there wouldn’t be any shame to do so. He held your hand when you were completely shattered. Not once did he give up on you. Not once did he accept that you would break up with him.
Eventually, with time, you started healing with Kang by your side. After three years of relationship, he proposed to you but it was obvious that you had some more healing to do. Neither of you wanted to rush the marriage. So you took your time.
However, you never got married to him.
As you started healing fully, things slowly fell apart. The love between you and Kang didn’t die but it changed into something different. It wasn’t romantic love anymore, it was more a friendship love. So you both agreed to cancel the wedding but Kang stayed in your life. He’s your friend now.
He’s also the reason why you’re sitting in this meeting room at Jeon Industries. Even though you really wanted to apply, you were very insecure because you knew the chances to meet Jungkook were high. Kang encouraged you to still take the risk since it will be such an asset for you and your career to work at your ex’s company.
For a brief moment, your eyes move from Taehyung to Jungkook. It feels unreal to be standing in front of him so many years later. Never have you thought you’d see him again because of the way you broke his heart. Nobody deserves to be hurt that way. Your heart aches as your eyes quickly gaze at your ex, the overwhelming pain causes you to look away.
The entire meeting goes well, both Taehyung and Jungkook are extremely proud of your team’s achievement. You’re also extremely proud of your hard work, it has definitely paid off. Nothing makes you happier than your superior and the big boss complimenting your effort.
Once the meeting is over, everybody stands up and gets ready to leave the room.
“Miss y/l/n, would you please stay?” The deep voice of Jungkook resonates in the small room.
You turn around to look at the man who just spoke. Your hands start shaking, your heart suddenly beats fast. You simply nod while your eyes scan the room, watching all your coworkers leave the room. Taehyung closes the door after looking at the two of you. He wonders what the CEO would want to discuss with you. To his knowledge, Jungkook wasn’t aware of your existence until an hour ago.
For a solid minute, none of you says a thing. You avoid looking at him while he takes the time to admire the woman you have become. There’s absolutely no doubt that you have changed. You’re a lot more frail than you were back then, and to be honest, Jungkook prefers the way you looked before. But he’s aware that things have changed and a lot of time passed.
“Mr. Jeon…” you start saying but he cuts you off.
“Jungkook, please,” he says.
There’s no way he’s letting you call him Mr. Jeon.
“Jungkook,” you correct yourself, “how can I help you?”
His eyes move to the massive screen hanging on the wall to his right. Now, yours are looking at him. Jungkook has changed considerably. The black tight suit he’s wearing is very different from the blue jeans and sweater he used to wear. Under that black suit jacket, he’s wearing a grey shirt. By the looks of it, he also seems to be a lot more muscular. His strong arm lifts up to run his fingers through his hair.
That is a clear sign that he’s nervous, an old habit he didn’t lose. A deep sigh leaves his lips, and you can’t help but smile. Even though he looks different, some of his old habits haven’t changed.
“Since we weren’t alone during this meeting, I just wanted to take the time to say ‘hi’ to you in person,” he nervously says.
Your heart gets warmer as you hear his words. This comes as a total surprise to you. You were expecting Jungkook to ignore you and even to treat you like shit but right now, he’s being extremely nice.
“Thanks Jungkook,” you say, “hi to you as well,” a little smile appears on your face.
Although Jungkook was kind of a fuckboy when you met him long ago, he had the biggest heart you’d ever met. The simple fact that he wanted to say hi to you shows that his heart is still as big or maybe even bigger.
“It’s weird to have you as one of my employees but I promise that I’ll try not to make things awkward,” he adds.
“I’ll try as well,” you reply.
The man in front of you finally looks at you. A smile appears on his face.
“Thanks,” he says.
You simply nod, a weird smile displaying on your face. Even though you don’t feel awkward, it still feels weird to be in this meeting room alone with your ex. The one whose heart you broke.
“I have to go,” he adds, “it was a pleasure to see you.”
The CEO of the company leaves the meeting room in silence. You take a moment to get yourself together before doing the same. Today was definitely an emotionally intense day but hopefully, things will only get easier from now on.
But you couldn’t be more wrong.
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“So you’ve seen Jk?” your best friend Lux says.
Lux has been your best friend since you were 18. She actually appeared in your life at the same time as Jungkook, she was in the front row when you were flirting and when you started dating a couple of months later. She’s been a very important person in your life, she’s been there through the very dark periods. Without her support, you’re not sure you would have made it.
“It’s Jungkook,” you correct her.
Jk is too personal, there’s no way that you’ll call him that way. Plus, he’s your boss now so it’s preferable to keep things professional.
“And yes, I’ve seen him and I even spoke with him,” you add.
She definitely looks surprised because she never thought you’d speak again. Lux remained in contact with Jungkook following the breakup, they were friends as well and she knows how broken he has been since then. She thought that he wouldn’t speak to you at all after what happened.
“We had a meeting about the project I worked on,” you simply say.
For a moment, you consider not telling her that he said ‘hi’ but it’s not a good idea to lie or keep secrets to your best friend. Eventually, she’ll find out about it so it’s preferable to tell her everything right now.
“And afterward, he asked me to stay to simply say ‘hi’,” you continue.
She actually cannot believe what she’s hearing.
“Jk said hi to you?” she surprisingly asks.
“Yeah, I can’t believe it as well but that’s exactly what happened,” you reply.
The two of you keep talking about that for a little while but the conversation quickly changes to something different. Honestly, you don’t really want to talk about the past and the biggest mistake you probably did. Lux got it without you having to say it, and you’re thankful she understands it. Also talking again about Jungkook would be torture for her as well. After the breakup, she was the one being there for you, she was the one picking up every single shattered piece of your heart and trying to mend it with her love.
You had the toughest conversations with her, she was the one putting you in front of what you did and she never spared you. As she was still in contact with Jungkook she knew how he was but she never said anything to you. There was no point in telling you how devastated he was. She just made sure you understood how big of a mess you made.
But even if you broke Jungkook’s heart, you knew ⏤ and still know ⏤ that it was the best decision to end things. You did what you thought was the best for you back then. People can call you selfish but in the end, it was better that way. God only knows what you could have done if you stayed. Probably you would have broken Jungkook’s heart even more by staying.
However, karma is a bitch. Eventually, Jungkook later broke your heart as well. The day that it happened was the day when Lux told you that he was going to become a father. That day, you wanted to reach him and try to save things. Imagining him becoming the father of that child that wasn’t yours was devastating. It brought you back to all the moments when you discussed having children, what would be the name of your first girl or first boy, what they would possibly look like physically, or even their personalities.  
Then, the second heartbreak was the day his daughter was born. Her name was Arya, the name you had chosen together for your daughter. That moment, you deeply regretted every single decision you took from the moment Jungkook came into your life.
Although Lux saw how broken you were when you found out about Arya, she found it absolutely beautiful that he chose that name for his baby girl. She was the living proof that he was still in love with you, that you were still on his mind. She believed that he was completely crazy to give that little girl the name he chose with his ex. Luckily, he wasn’t dating the mother otherwise she would have all the reasons to leave him.
Lux slips a sheet of paper on the table. While taking it, you frown with confusion. It seems a bit sneaky but for sure, if she’s doing it, it’s something important. You read what’s written on the paper. There’s an address but you don’t know where it is or what could be there.
“What is this?” you question her.
“It’s Jk’s address,” she responds.  
Although she hasn’t remained super friends with your ex, she has been at his place, and he has been part of her life. You’re aware of it, she never hid anything from you because there’s no point. She’s been in between even though she stayed more your friend than his. She’s deeply sorry about how things ended because things were great when you were together.
“He already took the first step and talked to you,” she starts explaining. “Now, it’s your turn to gather your courage and have the conversation you were supposed to have years ago.”
Well, after your breakup, you avoided at all costs talking to him when he was begging to have a conversation. The famous closure conversation. But you denied him that right for the past ten years which wasn’t cool of you. He didn’t deserve that, you were a real bitch but you were hurt. Hurt people hurt others. You were convinced things would be a hundred times better if you wouldn’t speak and see each other.
“Tell him everything, explain yourself so both of you can move on and have a great professional relationship,” she adds.
Slowly your hands start shaking as you read the address in the paper you’re holding. The thought of having a real and deep conversation with him scares you but Lux is right. More than anything else, Jungkook deserves it. He deserves to know the full truth, to know what led you to hurt him the way you did.
Of course, you contemplated so many times talking to him but you never found the courage within yourself to do it. But maybe now is the time.
“I’ll think about it,” you tell her.
For sure, you need some time to think about everything. You can’t knock at his door tomorrow and start venting about the reasons you broke up ten years ago. It’s not fair for him nor to yourself. You need to think and consider how to formulate every thought that has been on your mind for the past years.
You fold the paper to put it in your bag. There’s no doubt that for the next couple of days and probably even weeks, you’ll keep staring at it thinking about the right thing to do.
“How’s your little man doing?” you ask your best friend to completely change the topic of conversation.
Lux became the mother of John four months ago. She’s half-korean and half-english, and a couple of years ago, while on holiday in England, she met Henry. They started a long-distance relationship, and she considered moving to England because she was madly in love with him, but in the end, he decided to move to South Korea. They moved in together, and shortly after, she got pregnant. They decided to keep the baby and to make you the godmother. Little John has been a blessing in your life.
“I think he’s getting sick, he’s a little bit warmer today but Henry is staying with him right now so if anything happens, he’ll call me,” she says.
“Why didn’t you say that earlier?” you ask with surprise. “Go home, right now, Lux, or I kick you in the ass!” you almost yell.
How can that woman be here talking with you when she believes her little boy is sick.
“It’s okay,” she says, “Henry has everything under control, he’s also his father, and I could use some time out of home with you.”  
You frown, wondering if your best friend is doing well. Becoming a parent is something huge, but Lux has been handling things great so far, even though she never hid that it’s hard.
“I’m okay,” she adds when she notices your expression, “but I just want to breathe a bit.”
You nod, partially understanding what she means. You don’t have a kid so you can’t exactly understand what she’s feeling however you can imagine how it feels. You’ve seen how she’s been doing since your little godson arrived. She’s been extremely tired although very happy. It’s obviously very hard for her and most of the time, you don’t know how to help her.
Of course, you sometimes take care of John so she can rest a bit more or spend some time with Henry. Sometimes, you surprisingly appear at her place to help her out with whatever she needs. You can’t do much but you try to be there. That’s pretty much all you can do.
“If you need me to help you out with John…”
Her phone starts ringing, cutting you off. That’s Henry. But he doesn’t come with great news. He had taken John to the hospital because his condition was getting worse.
Lux immediately stands up, waves you goodbye, and rushes to her car to join her men. Since you were on a terrace, you paid for both your orders before leaving the place.
It was good to talk to her today, especially after seeing Jungkook at work some days ago. It has been on your mind since you’ve seen him. It was weird to see him and even have a little chat with him. But now, you’re even more sure that it wouldn’t be a one-time thing. You’ll for sure speak with him once more which is probably going to cause more sleepless nights because all you can think about is Jungkook. Hopefully, once you’ll talk, you’ll be able to sleep better and move on from all this.  
Once again, you couldn’t be more wrong.
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Jungkook has spent the last month not sleeping properly. His ex ⏤ you ⏤ has been haunting him even more than usual so he’s been a total mess. His brain is on fire, he can’t even think correctly. Arya has been his escape because work couldn’t be anymore. He’s been working more from home, avoiding coming to the office as much as possible. Exceptionally, Eunji has agreed to let her daughter spend more time with Jungkook.
Today is no exception, he worked from home. He just arrived home with Arya, he picked her up. Eunji enjoyed the fact that Jungkook has been more with her daughter to take some holidays. So now and for the next week, Arya will spend all her time with her daddy. She couldn’t be happier.
Arya and her father are currently eating pancakes that they prepared together. All this time with his daughter has been filling his heart. In a way, seeing you again has brought something so special to him. A lot of time with his baby. However, he’s totally aware that one day, he’ll have to physically go back to work. But only when he’ll sleep a bit more.
His eyes never cease to watch his little girl. He’s very lucky to have her, she brings so much happiness into his life. For sure, he would trade anything for moments like these.
“Daddy,” Arya starts saying. “My friends have a mommy and a daddy in the same house. Why you and mommy are not in the same house?”
He has a twinge in his heart. This is such a heartbreaking question but he knew that one day, this question would come. Probably, throughout the years, his daughter will raise questions about the fact that he’s not dating or even married to Eunji. But what concerns him, even more, is when he’ll start his life with someone else. One day, he’ll date someone. A person important enough that he’ll introduce to his daughter. There’s even a possibility that he’ll have children with that person. What would happen then with Arya? Would she be jealous of her siblings because they would have both their parents in a relationship while her parents don’t love each other in a romantic way?
“You know, baby,” he starts saying while thinking about the right words to use. “Usually when a mommy and a daddy live in the same house, it’s because they are in love like they are a girlfriend and a boyfriend but your mommy and I are not in love that way. I like your mommy but not in the way to be her boyfriend.”
The only person he has ever loved that way is you, but he totally lost you when you ran away like a thief. Eunji is somebody that he deeply cherishes but he’ll never be in love with her.
“Oh, it makes sense,” she says with a smile on her face. “But you not want mommy to be your girlfriend?”
Now, he’s the one having a little smile on his face. She’s definitely trying to understand the situation at a very young age, but that doesn’t mean she wants her parents to be like every other parent. Jungkook’s mom has already told him a million times that he doesn’t have to be worried about all this. The normal for Arya is having her parents in 2 different houses and not being in a relationship. For the moment, she’s just very young but she feels safe in this situation because he always made sure with Eunji that everything works well and that she feels loved all the time.
“No, baby,” he answers.
She nods, and he knows that she understands everything. It’s such a relief that she was just asking to understand.
“When mommy is back?” She asks.
“Next week and until there, you’ll always be with me,” he replies.
“Mommy will call us?” She questions.
Eunji has been calling every day to see her little girl. Even though she’s enjoying her holidays with her boyfriend ⏤ a boyfriend Arya isn’t aware of ⏤, she misses her baby every second of the day. She’s her mother, she carried her for nine months before bringing her to the world.
“Of course, she will,” he answers, “and if we don’t get a call before you go to bed, we’ll call her, okay?”
She nods before eating a bit of her Minnie Mouse-shaped pancake. She loves shaped pancakes and Jungkook always does them in the way she wants. If she wants regular pancakes, that’s definitely a sign to get worried.
The two of them keep eating pancakes while discussing all the interesting things Arya did at school today. She always speaks with such enthusiasm about what she did, she adores going to school and learning new things. Both Jungkook and Eunji believe she’s precocious. She’s extremely smart for her age but they try to not force her into anything. She does whatever she wants and they support her no matter what she decides. The most important thing is her happiness.
Once they are done eating, she goes to her little room to play with her little toys. Jungkook goes back to the desk that was set up in one of the empty rooms of his massive mansion. He turns on his computer and quickly checks the last unread emails he received. There are quite a few but that’s totally normal.
After a couple of minutes, his bodyguard knocks at the door.
“There’s a certain y/n at the door,” he says.
Jungkook’s heart stops and his entire body freezes. What on earth are you doing here? And how did you find out where he lives? This is honestly something he didn’t expect to arrive. He’s been avoiding being at work to not see you in person, however, he’s been checking every email you sent and he’s been also following very closely your progress at work. His mind has been even more flooded than usual by you.
“Thanks, Jin,” he adds before standing up.
The CEO of Jeon Industries rearranges his shirt and takes a quick glance at the mirror. He swapped his usual costume for a white t-shirt and jeans. When he’s at home, he just likes to feel comfortable like anyone else. There’s no need to put expensive clothes on to simply stay at home.
As he nervously walks to the entrance door, he thinks about all the possible reasons that would explain your presence here. Nothing really comes up to his mind which makes him even more nervous. Once in front of the door, he takes a deep breath and opens it.
You’re right there, standing in front of the door. Since he has seen you again, Jungkook has noticed that you now wear makeup. It wasn’t the case before, you used to prefer the natural look and he was kind of a fan of it. He used to find you astonishingly courageous for not using any makeup when most people wouldn’t dare go out without at least foundation on their face.
But as he’s watching you, he realizes once more how the two of you have changed since the last time you saw each other. A lot of time has passed since you both broke up. It even felt that it was a lifetime ago that he was part of your history.
“Hi, y/n,” he says with a little smile appearing on his face.
“Hello Jungkook,” you say.
None of you says anything which creates a little awkward tension.
“Sorry for coming out of nowhere, I just wanted to talk with you if it’s possible,” you explain.
Jungkook simply nods before opening the door wider to let you in. After a second of hesitation, you enter the massive mansion that he owes. This man has for sure achieved all of his dreams, there are absolutely no doubts about it. The two of you walk to his cozy living room, it looks smaller than what you imagined but it’s still pretty huge for a living room.
“Do you want to drink or eat something?” he asks.
“No, thanks,” you simply answer.
Well, you only came here to finally have that deep conversation with him. It took you one long month to decide to come but you’re finally here. You only want to go straight to the point. As you look around, you notice a lot of pictures of him with a little girl. That must be Arya, you think. Damn, you had forgotten about her. What if she’s here? For sure, you don’t want her to hear your conversation. You ignore totally how it will go. Maybe you’ll start yelling or crying. You don’t want her to find her father in such a state.
“Is your daughter here?” you question.
Your ex only nods.
“Maybe, I shouldn’t have come,” you respond. “Your time with your daughter is precious.”
Jungkook couldn’t agree more but having a conversation with you is probably something he’ll only get once in his life. His daughter, he’ll get to see her right after and then for the rest of his life. Right now, speaking with you seems more important than anything else. He’s been waiting for so long to have a conversation with you and tell you what he’s been feeling.
“I was working,” he immediately tells you, “she’s playing in her little room.”
A little smile appears on your face as you imagine the little girl in the pictures playing. She definitely looks adorable based on what you can see in the living room, and she must look even more adorable in person. You never got to see pictures of her since Lux told you that Jungkook became a father because you didn’t want to see the baby of your ex.
“We can speak,” he adds.
Well, if he says that you can speak, then you have no other choice than to do it. You nod and he invites you to take a seat on the couch. As you sit down, you feel your body slowly trembling. To say that you’re nervous is an understatement. You’re going to have a conversation with your ex, a conversation you were supposed to have ten years ago.
But what scares you the most is that this discussion will bring up all the things that broke you years ago. It’s true that throughout that time, you got to see a therapist and work through everything but it’s still different. You’re going to tell your ex why you left him.
“How did you find out where I was living?”
“Lux gave me your address,” you tell him, “she’s the one who pushed me to come talk to you.”
In the end, she was right. Jungkook took the first step and talked to you in the meeting room so now it’s your turn to make the second step. The past month, you’ve been thinking about it a lot and he deserves to know everything, even if it’s ten years later.
“So we’re lucky to have her in our lives,” he simply responds.
For sure, you’re more than lucky to have her. She’s your rock. However, you totally ignore what she represents to him because she doesn’t really talk about the relationship she has with him. Something that you have been really thankful for.
“Indeed,” you say while nodding.
Your eyes quickly scan the man sitting in front of you. A part of his tattooed sleeve is noticeable as he’s wearing a white t-shirt. This is something completely new to you. Back when you were dating, Jungkook only had one tattoo, his first. The part of his tattooed arm that you can see looks actually very good, it definitely suits him very well. But what really captivates all your attention is how broader he has become. You can perfectly see his toned figure. There’s no doubt that he has been working out a lot for the past years.
“I first wanted to apologize for everything, including how I treated you before we broke up and following the breakup,” you start saying.
Jungkook nods with a very serious look on his face. “I appreciate it,” he says. He bites his lower lip, holding back what he really wants to say but then, he remembers that there’s absolutely no point in holding back what he’s been dreaming to tell you since the breakup. “But a simple apology ten years later can’t brush away all the pain you put me through.”
At his words, your heart breaks even more. It’s one thing to imagine and believe that you deeply hurt him but it’s totally another thing to hear him say it. But you deserve to hear that. Before you weren’t strong enough to hear it but now you are. Well, it’s definitely going to hurt but you’ll be able to handle it better.
“I know but you still deserve an apology for everything I did to you,” you answer. “You didn’t deserve any of this and I’m sincerely and deeply sorry.”
This is something you truly mean. You’re perfectly aware that you did things completely wrong so before anything else, he deserves to hear that you’re sorry.
Jungkook runs his fingers through his hair while closing for a brief moment his eyes. He never thought that he’d hear those words one day and he definitely never thought he’d need to hear them. His life moved on even though he didn’t get to have your apology. Right now, it feels like he’s being violently pushed back in the past but he definitely needs this moment. He needs to understand what happened ten years ago.
Even though he loves Lux with his entire soul, he refused to put her in an awkward position and never asked her anything. Of course, he’s aware that she knows everything but it wouldn’t have been nice of him to ask her anything about you. The person who needed to explain what happened was you. Nobody else but you.  
“You broke me, yn,” he says with a shaky voice. “You broke me in a way nobody else did before and in a way nobody else ever did after you.”
Although you broke him, he still feels safe near you to tell you the full truth. You’re the only person that has ever made him feel that way and he knows he’ll never find this with anyone else.
Your eyes roam at his face, he’s definitely devastated. He can’t fool anyone, it’s written in his eyes. That definitely destroys you even more. This conversation will for sure leave his print in you. There’s no way that after this your life will be the same.
“My daughter is living proof of how much you destroyed me,” his eyes stare deep into yours. “I wanted to forget my own pain and the only way I could was to fuck any girl who would want it. I don’t even remember the day Arya was made because I was completely blinded by my heartache.”
The fact that he can’t remember the day his daughter was conceived made him cry a lot of times. In those moments, he deeply hates you because if you had never broken him that way, he would remember. But then he rationalizes. Without the breakup and the pain, his daughter wouldn’t even exist.  
“Even today the ache is still unbearable but I got used to it,” he finishes.
Well, it’s the same for you. There’s been so much pain in your life for more than ten years but with time, you got used to it. There were also people that eased it in some way but it has never left you.
“I’m so sorry for everything,” you say once again, “but I was in so much pain back then, and I thought it was best to push you away.”
Jungkook’s heart breaks a little because he knows a bit about what happened. Well, he actually knows the thing that tormented you but he also doesn’t have the full picture.
“My sister‘s death devastated me,” you start saying.
At your words, his heart breaks a little more. Jungkook had the opportunity to meet your sister, he got to be around her and create memories with her. She was a beautiful person, she was funny, full of life and always smiling. Tragically, she lost her life in a terrible car accident with her boyfriend. He still remembers when you got the news, he was the one holding you when you fell on the floor, when your world fell apart. After that moment, you never were the same. To say that it broke you is more than an understatement. A part of you stopped shining as before following the passing of your sister.
“My heart was violently ripped from my chest,” tears start forming in your eyes. “I didn’t know who I was without her, I didn’t know how to keep living without her. Going home without her being there anymore was heartbreaking, I’d fall apart every single time.”
Remembering that very dark period is hard for the two of you. Mourning your sister has been a very long process, it took you years before you were able to speak about her without falling apart. Exceptionally, being with Jungkook makes you vulnerable and it’s making it hard to remember that time of your life.
“Although you were there, I wanted to do my grieving on my own because it was mine,” you tell him. “It was overwhelming but it was my pain, not yours so I was the one who needed to learn to live with it because nobody could do that for me.”
Even if you loved him with your entire soul and knew he’d always be by your side, this was something you needed to do by yourself. Having Jungkook by your side was just distracting you, it was making you forget the pain but you weren’t allowing yourself to feel which was what you needed.
“So I started pushing you back because with you around me, I would just think about you and how you were feeling, I wasn’t focusing on myself.”
Despite the fact that it hurts him that you pushed him away a few months after the tragic death of your sister, today he gets why you did it. He wanted to be there and help you when you needed it the most but he’s understanding that it was your grief and you needed to figure out on your own how to deal with it.  
“Around that time, I don’t know if you recall but I kissed a guy at a party,” you tell him.
Jungkook nods. That kiss was what really crushed your relationship. Things weren’t the same after you confessed you had kissed a guy. It was a guy you had a crush on before you met Jungkook, you deeply wanted to date him but things never happened because he was in a relationship with a girl. Back when it happened, he was having a hard time with his ex. You were such at a low point in your life, you were completely drunk and he was there, being nice to you.
Instantly, you regretted what you did. Jungkook was a sweetheart with you, always there by your side even when you were pushing him away. He loved you with his entire heart and you were destroying everything. But most importantly, you were hurting the person you loved the most.  
“I felt even worse after cheating on you,” you add.
Your ex doesn’t say anything, he’d like to say over again that he never considered that kiss as cheating. He still doesn’t because cheating to him goes further than a kiss. Cheating is seeing someone, talking to that person regularly, flirting with them, and having sex with them. For him, a simple kiss isn’t cheating. But that wasn’t your opinion. You saw that as cheating.
“I started hating myself for what I did to you, I wasn’t able to look at myself in the mirror and I wasn’t able to be with you, pretending like nothing happened,” a tear starts running down your face. “That little voice in my head was telling me over and over again that I wasn’t worthy of your love, that I actually never was.”
Things start to make a little more sense to Jungkook. You were at a very low point in your life, you were making a mess and you were not feeling lovable anymore.
“I had forgiven you for the kiss, I told you over again that to me, it wasn’t cheating what you did,” he explains again with a visible ache in his eyes. “It was a simple kiss and I don’t consider that as cheating.”
You look away, tears running down your face. Life was tough back then and you’re ashamed of everything you did back then. Pushing Jungkook away was for sure the best decision you took back then. There’s no doubt you would have hurt him way more and he wouldn’t deserve it.
“I never deserved your love, Jungkook,” you confess. “I knew you’d forgive me and I was not deserving of that forgiveness at that time. I was hurting you over and over again and you didn’t deserve that, you were worthy of all the love in the world which I wasn’t able to give you back then.”
For sure, he understands your reasons but man, he would have preferred you told him all this ten years ago. Probably, it wouldn’t have avoided the breakup but maybe, things would have been completely different.
“I was so disgusted by myself,” you add.
Jungkook gets closer to you, his hand grabs your chin before slowly and carefully turning your face to look at him. Hearing how hard you were on yourself saddens him more than you can imagine. There’s no need in being disgusted by yourself. What you did was wrong, he did feel disrespected but he thinks that you’re being a bit too harsh on yourself.
“At some point, I even felt like I did that to be a ‘good’ girl for my parents,” your eyes look deep into his.
It was no secret that your parents weren’t supporters of your relationship. They were nice to him but they never believed he was the right one for you and they also didn’t like him that much. They were always saying that he wasn’t treating you right when at the very end, you were the one not treating him right. But they accepted him because you were staying with him and defending him whenever they would say something negative about him. Clearly after 2 years of relationship, they didn’t have much choice than accept it. However, after your sister’s passing, they started being less hard on him because he was there for all of you.  
“Your parents never liked me,” a little smile appears on his face. “But it was understandable, I was kind of a fuckboy before meeting you and I was still looking like one during our relationship.”
That is true but it wasn’t right the way they treated him. You weren’t asking them to actually like him but to accept him and respect him. Being with him was your choice and they had to respect that. If he wasn’t the right person for you, it’d be up to you to understand it, not them.
“That was not an excuse though,” you answer.
The man in front of you nods, his thumb caressing your chin. It’s definitely strange for the two of you to feel his fingers touching your skin. It seems like it was a lifetime ago since you last touched each other.  
“This is what…”
Before you can finish your sentence, Jungkook’s eyes look to the right when you both hear little footsteps. As he looks to the right, you turn your face in the same direction. A little girl, wearing a large yellow t-shirt with matching shorts, is staring at the two of you with visible confusion. She’s holding in her little hands a drawing. Her father immediately stands up to reach her.
“Daddy, who is her?” she asks her father.
Jungkook gets down on his knees to be at her level. His hands gently caress her little shoulders in a way to try to comfort her.
“She’s an old friend of mine,” he starts saying to Arya. “We were friends a very long time ago and she visited me today.”
She nods, her little eyes looking at you. You give her a little smile. She’s absolutely adorable. There’s absolutely no doubt she’s Jungkook’s daughter but she isn’t a mini copy of him. She’s still a lot different than him, at least that’s what you think.
“Would you go say ‘hello’ to her?” he tells his daughter.
Once more, she nods before slowly walking to you. Seeing this little girl reminds you of how deeply you want a child of your own. However, it feels like it’s not going to happen any time soon. You still need to find a man who you’ll fall in love with and whom you'd like to start a family with. But at this pace, you won't have children until you're 40.
“Hello, I am Arya,” she says with a little smile. “My daddy is Jangkoo.”
The way she pronounces her father’s name makes you smile and makes your heart melt. She’s so cute, that’s something she definitely inherited from her father. Your ex smiles as well when he hears his little girl speaking.
“Hey, Arya,” you say with a big smile. “It’s a pleasure meeting you. My name is Yn.”
Jungkook watches the two of you interact together. That’s for sure something he never thought he’d witness in his life. Technically, if his daughter wouldn’t have come up to the living room, the chance of meeting her would be actually very low.
“Is that a drawing you’re holding in your hands?” You ask her.
She nods before showing you with pride her drawing.
“This is dadda,” she tells you while showing you an apparent man.
“It definitely looks a lot like him, you’re very talented Arya,” you tell her.
She instantly smiles brightly at you, she spent a lot of time drawing her father so she’s super proud to hear that. Of course, outside the colors of his outfit and the ‘dadda’ written on top of his head, it’s hard to tell that it’s him but the most important is her intention.
“Dadda is at home with me and we are eating pancakes,” she explains while showing her representation of eating pancakes with her father.
This definitely melts your heart. Now, you’re a hundred percent sure that Jungkook is the best father to this little girl. She won the lottery with him, and she definitely knows it, you can tell it. She speaks with so much pride about her father, he’s her superhero.
While speaking with his little girl, you totally forget the rest. It’s like there’s just you and her. Even Jungkook disappeared although you were here in the first place to talk to him. But this girl is absolutely adorable and she doesn’t seem shy at all.
Jungkook watches with marvell the two of you interacting together. He has never seen Arya behaving this way around anybody else. That convinces him even more that you’re the one. It can’t be anybody else but you. There’s for sure a lot more that needs to be discussed between the two of you but as he’s watching you with his daughter, he can’t keep but wondering if ten years ago, he fell in love with you at the wrong time. Would today be the right time to try again?
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For the past week, you and Jungkook have been occasionally talking by messages. After meeting his daughter, you exchanged numbers before leaving his place. It was weird but you’ve been happier than ever talking with him. Of course, it has been making you nervous and anxious because it has brought back a lot of the pain you felt around the time you broke up.
But you’ve been trying to just go with the flow. This is hard for the two of you, you’re very aware of it. Everything is different but at the same time, still the same.
Outside the talking through messages, you haven’t spoken to or seen him which you believe has been helpful. Being around him would have made you even more nervous. For sure, there’s more to talk about since you were interrupted by his daughter but you need more time to prepare yourself for the rest of the conversation.
Today is saturday. You’re chilling at home, watching ‘The Cown’ on Netflix. Although you adore going out with friends, you also enjoy staying at home to rest, especially after a tough week at work like this past week was. You’re drinking a cappuccino that you prepared a couple of minutes ago.
The doorbell rings which surprises you a lot. You’re definitely not expecting anyone today. The plan is to absolutely avoid seeing people but to enjoy your own company. It's a self-care day. You put your cappuccino on the coffee table before standing up to open the door.    
To your surprise, as you open the door, Jungkook appears before your eyes. Your eyes open wide as you see him, to say that it’s a surprise is an understatement. He was the last person you’d expect to see here because he doesn’t know where you live. Well, at least, that’s what you thought.
“Hi,” you finally say.
A little smile appears on his face when he sees you. He’s happy to see you, he’s been avoiding you at all costs because he was more than scared to finish the conversation you started at his place.
“Hi, Yn,” he says to you.
Hearing his voice instantly appeases you. That’s the superpower of Jungkook. Well, that’s one amongst others. That deep voice of his always had a comforting effect on you, but a hug in his strong arms would always be even more comforting. All your worries would disappear instantly and it would warm your heart in a way that you can’t even describe.
“Come on in,” you answer as you invite him inside.
The best is that no one that works with you sees your boss in front of your place. That would cause a lot of unnecessary drama at work. Something that you want to avoid. It’s already not easy to have your ex as your boss. Jungkook enters your little apartment, his eyes looking around him.  
“How did you get my address?”
This question brings you back to when you appear at his place.
“You’re my employee, it’s easy to find all your personal data,” he simply answers.
Well, in fact, in 2 clicks, he found your address. That’s the perk of being the CEO of the company and having you as his employee.
“Right,” you say with a little smile. “Take a seat on the couch,” you invite him to sit down. “Would you like to drink or eat something?” you propose.
“No, thanks,” he replies.
Jungkook sits down on your couch, and you take a place next to him but you both face each other. As you quickly look at him, you can’t help but notice the way his eyes are glomming. He’s different, something has definitely changed.
“Listen,” Jungkook doesn’t waste a minute. “Talking to you last week was very good and helpful.”
You nod, your heart beating a little faster in your chest and your hands getting sweatier. The nervousness is increasing like crazy, your place is getting hotter but you need to listen to what he has to say.
“Talking to you got me to understand how you were feeling and I’m very thankful for that,” he adds.
You can sense that there is a ‘but’ coming. He wouldn’t come to just thank you for everything you said a week ago. There are 10 years of pain inside his heart and that can’t be erased with a simple ‘thank you’.  
“But that was a conversation we were supposed to have years ago, not now.”
He’s totally right, this is something you should have talked about right after the breakup. This almost feels like it’s too late. Back then, you were in no state to have this conversation. It wouldn’t have been constructive, it would have only been you accusing him of small things that he did throughout your relationship. That wouldn’t have helped any of you and Jungkook would have ended up hating you more. More pain wasn’t necessary.
“I was convinced you were the one, even during the past ten years, I was still convinced about it,” he adds. “Nobody could ever make me feel half of the way you made me feel. I spent the last years looking for you in every girl I could find. I’d sleep and date a lot of girls but it’d be heartbreaking when I realized what I was doing with those girls.”
It breaks your heart even more. You were never worthy of his love, and maybe, you’ll never be. However, you still love him. You never stopped loving him and you never will because he is the love of your life. There’s no doubt about it. You’re ready to wait all the time that he needs. Even if you have to wait ten years.
“I also believe that you’re the love of my life,” you shyly reply.
Jungkook’s heart starts racing crazily in his chest. This isn’t something he was expecting to hear but he would be lying if he said that he isn’t happy to hear those words. For the past years, he was convinced that you simply stopped loving him although he was still thinking that you were the one. Call him crazy but it was a gut feeling. You can’t really ignore that kind of feeling.
The man next to you gets closer, both your hearts beating extremely fast. Something is building in the air, you both can feel it. It’s the little tension that you were so used to feeling when you were together but that has gone missing for the past ten years. So it is extremely weird and none of you knows what to do.
As a consequence, you bite your lower lip while he runs his fingers through his hair, trying to avoid looking down at your low-necked shirt. He knows that if he does look, it’ll be the end of him. But for sure, when the two of you are alone in a closed-door room, the chances that you don’t end up having sex are very low. It happened all the time during your relationship and also the day after the breakup.
However, as much as he tried looking away, your natural scent is something that has always brought him to his knees. He always adored the way you smell and it hasn’t changed since the last time he saw you. His eyes glare down at your chest, noticing instantly that you’re not using any bra. Your breast is almost fully displayed before his clearly hungry eyes. Your ex takes a deep breath.
While your eyes glance at his face, you notice the way his stare looks down on your body. It instantly excites you, and you can sense your panties getting wetter. No man has been able to cause an instant reaction like this, only Jungkook can. Your body always reacts to whatever he does. Without noticing it, both of you lick and bite your lips. The tension is making the two of you very very hungry, there’s absolutely no way you’ll resist any of this.
His fingers finally touch the skin of your chest, causing you to sigh with pleasure. They slowly but surely start tracing their way to your left breast, your eyes closing at the burning sensation of his fingers caressing your skin. Slowly, he pushes your low-cut shirt to the left, exposing your breast to his greedy eyes. Without any hesitation, he brings his mouth to your nipple to vigorously suck it. A whine instantly leaves your lips because damn, that feels beyond good.
As he sucks your nipple, he also nibbles it, causing you to moan a bit louder. His actions lead to the growing wetness inside your panties. This is fucking good. And it’s just the beginning. The torture this man will put you through for the upcoming minutes or hours will drive you completely insane. He’ll bring you down to your knees in seconds.
After a little while that felt like an eternity to you, he presses gentle kisses in between your breasts, slowly approaching your right nipple to give it the same treatment as the left one. Your hands find their way to his dark hair, tugging it while he abuses your right breast. Right now, you’re in complete ecstasy.
Before you can even comprehend what is happening, Jungkook is undressing you, leaving you completely naked on the couch. In no time, he’s naked as well with a condom on his hands. Your eyes inevitably look down at his cock. His massive cock. To be honest, you had forgotten how big it was but damn, you absolutely don’t want to wait to feel it inside you. He quickly put the condom on before placing himself in between your legs.
Jungkook touches your intimate area to feel how wet you are.
“Damn, you’re so wet,” he whispers.
Even if you’re extremely wet, he knows that wouldn’t be enough before penetrating you. It’ll still hurt you if he just goes and he definitely doesn’t want to cause any pain to you. He wants this moment to only bring tremendous pleasure to both of you. So he decides to tease you with his cock, rubbing it against your inner lips. Moans flow from your mouth as you feel the overwhelming pleasure growing inside your body. Right now, it seems like you haven’t been touched properly in years. And even if Jungkook has already made love to you millions of times when you were together, everything feels extremely different.
“Shit, I want to fuck you so bad, yn,” he whines.
“Me too, Jungkook,” you reply.
With everything happening at the moment, it’s almost impossible for you to form a proper sentence. All you know is that you’re desperate to have sex with this man. Your moans are the actual proof of it.  
After what appears like an eternity for you, he buries his thick cock inside your soaked core, stretching your velvety walls. His large hands find their way to your waist, caressing your soft skin while his doe eyes filled with lust look into yours. Both of you groan as he slowly pushes his long and thick cock inside you.  
“So fucking good,” you mumble as your eyes roll back.
The feeling of having him inside you and filling you up to the brim is something you did miss a lot. Although you had sex with a lot of different guys over the past years, Jungkook does it very differently but in a very good way. And it’s just the beginning. But honestly, you have a crazily immense sexual drive. You haven’t really been a saint since you last saw your ex, that is currently on top of you. All men that flirted with you and ended up in your bed have actually loved your wild sexual appetite.
Your ex leans closer, pushing his cock a bit deeper inside you and snatching a loud moan out of you.    
“You’re absolutely sexy, baby,” he whispers in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. “So sexy that I want to fuck you all day long,” his deep voice groans in your ear.
His teeth bite your earlobe before his tongue licks your ear. A deep moan leaves your lips while you feel yourself grow even wetter. This man knows exactly how to bring you down on your knees for him. And you don’t even want to start on the effect of his filthy words said with his deep voice on you.
“Then do it,” you dare to say as you want to push him to go absolutely wild today.
Jungkook is a man. Usually, men adore being pushed and they’ll fuck you just the way you want. Today, you want him to be rough with you. You want him to fuck you until all you know is to scream his name. You want all the neighbors to know how good your ex makes you feel. You want him to come inside the condom again and again until none of you can handle it anymore.
“I already plan to do it, princess,” he pulls back a bit to look you in the eyes, and a smirk arises on his face. “Tomorrow you won’t even be able to walk at all.”
You desire nothing more than this. To be completely sore and swollen down there.
“You have absolutely no idea of all the things I desire to do to you,” he presses a gentle kiss on your cheek. “You’ll beg me to never stop,” he adds.  
Jungkook slowly pushes back, only leaving the tip of his cock inside you. His eyes never leave your figure, watching you moan under him. That’s a sound he loves, and he missed it a lot. He dreamed of this a lot since the last time you had sex.
“Then, show me no mercy, Jungkook,” you answer.
A smirk appears on his face, satisfied to hear you say those words. Damn, he wants nothing more than to drive you completely crazy.
Brutally, he pushes his cock fully inside you, and a loud moan leaves your lips. For a little while, he doesn't move, hovering over you and watching you with delight. His eyes look down on your body. For sure, your body is different than it was ten years ago but you’re still absolutely stunning. Your skin is still very soft like he remember it was.
For the two of you, this seems like something totally new while being something very familiar. It’s quite odd but it feels good. Sex usually feels good, the two of you can say it out of experience. Jungkook groans as he watches himself buried deep inside you.
“Your cunt still takes me so fucking well, princess.”
You close your eyes, completely enjoying having him fully inside you. What you like the most about shutting down your eyes during intercourse is how you connect more to your body. With your eyes closed, you can deeply experience everything that is going on. However, it can also be extremely overwhelming, especially when the man you’re having sex with is awfully good in bed.  
Once Jungkook sees that you’re ready to take more, he brutally pulls back before slamming himself back into you. The couch under you squeaks while a very deep moan escapes your lips. If he does it again, the sofa’s back is going to hit the wall and even probably destroy it. However, right now, you absolutely don’t give a shit.  
Jungkook once again stops when he’s fully inside you, torturing you just to hear you begging him to fuck you. He hasn’t heard you beg for anything in years so it’s just legitimate he craves it deeply at this precise moment.
“Please,” you say grumbling, “fuck me.”
Jungkook leans closer again. “I love to hear you begging, princess,” he whispers before licking the spot just under your ear.
He pushes his cock back before slamming into you with both hands on your hips, pulling you back to meet his thrusts. The slick sound of your pussy soaking his cock as well as your moans are filling the room. All those sounds remind you that you’re doing something completely nasty with your ex but damn, this is beyond amazing.  
“Shit,” you gasp while he thrusts into you with no mercy, “you feel so good.”
You’re completely drunk in the feeling of his cock filling you up, his hips hitting against yours with every thrust he makes. This all causes sparks of pleasure to shoot throughout your body, your arousal dripping from your core and creaming the condom on his cock. Jungkook smirks as he notices the sticky mess you’re slowly causing. His cock is buried deep inside you, brushing against your walls that causes you to moan even louder each time. You grip the couch as hard as possible to steady yourself from Jungkook’s hard thrusts, but it definitely is an impossible mission.
“You’re so fucking wet, baby girl,” he hisses before biting his lower lip. His hands press harder into your skin when he feels your walls tighten around him. “And making such a mess on my cock.”
Every time he pushes his hips back, he watches with delight the way the condom is completely covered with your arousal. Nothing drives him crazier than seeing this, you can see it in his eyes.
“You love it, don’t you?” You ask him. His doe eyes look up at you, and they are filled with lust, making you shiver as they look at you.
Jungkook bends down, pressing a sloppy kiss on your lips while his thrusts slow down. A desperate whine gushes from you, a sound that he instantly swallows. His hands move up on your body, grabbing your breasts and squeezing them to make you moan with desire before his fingers start playing with your nipples. Moans flood out of your mouth as your ex keeps torturing your body at a slow pace. Your hands irresistibly grab his hair, tugging it as much as possible.
“It feels so good,” you whine, “fuck, Kook.”
The nickname surprises both of you but it left your lips in the heat of the moment. For sure, it’ll be the only time you’ll say it, at least for now. But it warms his heart to hear you call him by this nickname.
His thrusts are slow and harsh again, and his fingers on your nipples are just too much for you. They are extremely sensitive but it’s absolutely normal. Once someone starts playing with them, they just get sensitive and it just brings a lot of delight to you.  
Gradually, Jungkook begins to thrust hard into you again, and you moan at the feeling of his brutal thrust. Your walls suck his cock as he slams his hips into you with more force. His fingers keep playing with your very sensitive nipples, pushing you closer and closer to the edge. It’s clear that he knows how to drive somebody crazy.
His eyes look at you, completely contorted with pleasure as it slowly builds within you. Your moans are getting louder, you’re not one to hold back or stifle your groans because that’s for sure an indicator to Jungkook of how good he’s making you feel and if he’s doing things well.
“Moan louder, baby,” he says as he goes deeper and harder to make you scream with pleasure. He loves it so damn much.  
His hands can feel the way your body quivers with each thrust. The way he’s torturing your body is only making you lose yourself further but damn, you haven’t been fucked this way ever in your life. This is magical, your entire body has completely surrendered to this man.  
“Fuck,” he groans when he feels the warmth of your walls wrapping tighter around him. “Your cunt is clenching so hard, baby.”
The sweat is dampening his body, sticking his long hair to his face. That vision alone can make you come undone right now. As you stare at him, you can’t help but think how lucky you are to be doing this right now. His eyes stare down at you with passion and lust as his tongue licks his lower lips. He keeps growling your name, thrusting into you with more urgency each time.
“Fuck,” you say as you move your hips to meet his thrust.
Jungkook leans forward, pressing another sloppy kiss on your lips. He’s been enjoying sensing your lips on his, even if the kiss is a disaster. Currently, all he craves is you, and in any way. Your eyes never cease to look at him, he’s mesmerizing and incredibly hot. Man, he’s even hotter than he was years ago. You bite your bottom lip as you admire him.
“Gonna be a good girl and cum for me?” He asks, and you nod.
All you want right now is to do as he wishes and you’re also very close to exploding due to all the pleasure he’s causing. But Jungkook wants to hear you begging to come, he wants to know how badly you want to come.
“Use your words, baby girl.”
His fingers pinch your nipples harder, making the wave of pleasure grow bigger inside you. A loud moan escapes your lips.
“I want to come,” you manage to say, “I wanna come so-so bad.”
Jungkook feels his cock twitching inside of you, a low groan rumbling in his throat as you practically beg him to let you come. He smirks like he has won the award for the best fuck of the year. One of his hands slowly goes down on your body, passing your stomach, and landing on your throbbing clit. His fingers start to rub your sensitive spot as his cock keeps hitting your sensitive walls.
“Beg for it, baby girl,” he says.
His fingers show no mercy on your clit, and you’re not even sure if you’ll be able to beg for anything before coming. You’re a complete mess right now, and you’ve completely surrendered to the overwhelming sensations you’re experiencing.
“Please, Kook,” you manage to say.
With the way he’s torturing you, you can’t even form a proper sentence. You actually can’t even think at all, outside the fact that you love what Jungkook is doing to you.  
“Tell me, baby girl,” he keeps teasing you with a smirk on his face.
For sure, he would have loved to experience other positions with you for more pleasure. But this is just the beginning. He’ll let you come now and later, he’ll torture you with other sex positions. He won’t leave you alone today, that he’s sure about.
“Let me come.”
His smirk grows bigger on his face, happy to have you begging him to come. Teasing you is something that he’s enjoying a lot. The wave of pleasure inside you is growing bigger and bigger, becoming way too overwhelming. You’re moaning like a mess, but at this stage, you couldn’t care less.      
“Do it, princess, come for me.”
Those words are what you needed to hear to let go of everything. Instantly, the wave of pleasure that was growing inside of you violently hits you, making you come hard around him. Your arousal totally covers the condom on his cock and your walls squeeze him over and over again.
While you’re completely euphoric from your orgasm, he speeds up the pace of his hips slamming into you, wanting to chase his own high. He’s aware that in a matter of seconds, he’ll burst into the condom. Breathy whines escape his pretty lips as he looks down at the mess you made. His eyes are completely hypnotized where your bodies meet.
It doesn’t take him too long to be hit by his own orgasm, desperate moans leaving his mouth when it happens. His eyes roll back with pleasure as his body tenses up and releases his load inside the condom, loud cries of euphoria leaving his lips.
You move a bit on the couch to leave him some room to lie down. There’s not a lot of place for the two of you on the couch next to each other.
“Maybe you can rest on top of me,” he suggests as he removes the condom from his cock.
You simply nod while standing up to let him rest how ever he wants on the couch. The second he’s well installed, you rest on top of him, your head against his chest. His beating heart rocks you, his strong arms holding you tight against him. For a little while, none of you speaks. His hands caress your body which soothes you after this wild moment.
“Once we really calm down from this ecstatic sex, would you like to go on a date with me?” Jungkook asks.
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astonmartinii · 10 months
Note
hi!! i dont know if you're still taking requests but if you are, can you please do a max verstappen smau with fem reader, where reader is a huge max fan and they like end up together in the end. i love all of your work and i've probably reread most of your work!! your doing great and i hope you have a good day 🫶
worlds biggest fan | max verstappen social media au
pairing: max verstappen x reader
y/n is the president of the official max verstappen fan club, but nothing can come of that, right?
(this'll probably just be part one so let me know if you want a part two)
maxverstappenarchive
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liked by maxverstappen1, victoriaverstappen and 31,239 others
maxverstappenarchive: max took the win at monza this weekend after a late safety car. the dutchman once again showed he’s a mentality king ignoring all the boos from the tifosi. they hate what they can’t have.
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user1: max verstappen the man you are
maxverstappen1: 🧡
maxverstappenarchive: super max 🏆
yourusername: jealousy is a disease get well soon xoxo
user2: i love how she comments like we don’t know she runs this account
user3: SHES THE ADMIN???
user4: i personally love when maxverstappenarchive gets sassy with it like the caption didn’t have to serve so hard
yourusername: someone has to defend him and it’s got to the point i no longer need to argue with people over the internet i need a GUN
liked by maxverstappen1
user5: we can see you by the way max
yourusername
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liked by victoriaverstappen, maxverstappen1 and 3,429 others
yourusername: the library knows my face way more than it should :(
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user6: she’s almost too cool to be the literal president of the max verstappen fan club
user7: no i need her to be this cool cause it makes us 10% cooler by association
user8: she single-handedly covers us from the embarrassment from the middle aged drunk men in the orange army
user9: she’s so chill about the fact that victoria and max are just constantly in her likes
yourbff1: i can assure you she is not chill about it
yourbff2: like at all
yourbff1: wow i wonder who takes these lovely pictures of you at the library and conveniently only takes them when you’re not having a meltdown
yourusername: i love yewwwww xxx
yourbff1: you can repay me when you become a wag
yourusername: PLS don’t say that i shan’t abuse my position as president
yourbff1: shame
maxverstappen1 liked this comment
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f1
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liked by yourusername, landonorris and 552,895 others
tagged: maxverstappen1, georgerussell63
f1: it all got a little much in the baku sprint race as george russell made contact with max verstappen on the opening lap giving the red bull damage for the entire race. the two came to blows in parc ferme with verstappen sending a number of expletives russell’s way. what do you think?
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user15: is mad max back?
user16: he never left he’s always been a big whiny baby, lewis would never
user17: no need to call russell a dickhead, crashtappen can’t handle someone actually racing him for once - just like his dad
maxverstappenarchive: max has never been a “whiny baby”, he may have been a little hot-headed and someone who always spoke his mind but he could never be categorised as a whiny baby. if you have such a problem with drivers calling other drivers dickheads then you should take it up with hamilton who did the exact same a few seasons ago. you simply have a problem with max’s success which is a you problem and there is no reasonable reason for you to bring jos verstappen into this argument, it immediately invalidates your argument.
user18: period oh my
user19: she spilt so hard here
user20: ignoring whatever domestic just happened in this comment section to say that i don’t care who is in the right - i just live for the drama
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f1wagsandtea
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liked by pierregasly, user22 and 21,341 others
f1wagsandtea: meet y/n y/ln, the president of the max verstappen fan club. she’s a student at UCL studying english literature and french and unapologetically defends max at all times. however people have been taking notice of how she’s never actually been to a race and how max has been subtlety liking comments about their relationship potential. what do you think about y/n and max?
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user23: kinda creepy that she literally runs his fan club but also it’s kinda cute idk i’m having a crisis over this
user24: i need this not to happen cause i’ll become so delusional and think i can pull charles
yourusername: some people are broke i’m working to go to a race but unfortunately i need food and a place to live first
user25: speaking for the broke queens i love you
maxverstappen1: it’s a bit too late to sort tickets for this weekend, but i can do dinner next week?
yourusername: time and address and im there
user26: bro the dms are there for a reason
maxverstappen1: noted
user27: why did you say that i wanted to witness max verstappens rizz :(
yourbff1: i usually hate these accounts cause y’all too nosey for your own good, but you got my bestie a date with her dream man so you get a pass just this once
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yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1, yourbff1 and 6,199 others
yourusername: slow weekend
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user30: she's playing it too cool i'd be a literal puddle on the floor rn
yourbff1: rest assured that she's been screaming about it for at least the last three days
maxverstappen1: 🧡
yourusername: amazing race maxy 🦁
user31: she's so cool but also CAT
user32: my spidey senses are picking up cat play dates with jimmy, sassy and ... the orange one yourusername: his name is moose user32: not what i was expecting but seems fitting user33: was half-expecting his name to be max maxverstappen1: me too yourusername: guys i'm not that bad yourbff2: her old goldfish was named max yourusername: STOP EMBARRASSING ME
maxverstappenarchive
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liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 47,831 others
tagged: maxverstappen1
maxverstappenarchive: max won the belgian grand prix to take his win tally to 35 career wins! congratulations max 🧡
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user34: so like when is he legit going to be in the goat conversation?
user35: genuinely this dominance is so so impressive
maxverstappen1: see you in a couple days 🧡
user36: leave the flirting to the personal accounts verstappen yourusername: i'm so excited you wouldn't believe
redbullracing: in max we trust
maxverstappenarchive: generational talent
user37: i know they won't but can someone livestream this date cause i wanna watch maxverstappenarchive lose her literal mind
yourusername: no mind will be lost i am a grown woman yourbff1: sureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
yourusername added to their story
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[caption: hot summer nights, mid july]
maxverstappen1 added to their story
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[caption: no one tell brad]
note: i nearly got to the photo limit so i'm gonna leave this here but i have a lot of ideas for this scenario so let me know if yall want a second part !! also hope this actually fulfilled the original request ??
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charliemwrites · 4 months
Text
Uhhh this is sort of to get me back in the swing of writing since some people may have noticed I haven’t done much this week. It’s… it’s been a week, but that’s fine, those happen.
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Anyway, concept comes from @ceilidho’s concept/drabble of “military asset Soap” and heavily inspired also by @391780’s Nikto version. Please go check out theirs because they’re brilliantly written.
(There will be a part 2 because this got longer than expected.)
Content: Verbal Threats, Dirty Talk, Objectification, Dub-Con, Name-calling. Please stay safe! 💕
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You thought you were done with this.
Got out by making the best of a bad situation. Honorable discharge following an injury after your last base was infiltrated. “Data analysts” (hackers) can’t have unpredictable hand spasms in the middle of time-sensitive decryptions. So, you got out.
And now you’re all but being dragged back.
You don’t recognize the two stone-faced men flanking you, but you recognize the woman they sit you in front of.
“Laswell.”
She doesn’t look older, but she looks more tired. Like she hasn’t slept since she informed you of your discharge.
“It’s good to see you again,” she says without smiling. It’s good to see you; it’s not good that you’re seeing her. “I wish it was… I wish this wasn’t the situation.”
You arch your eyebrows. Have never known her to speak without measuring the exact dimensions of her words first. She always slides them into spaces perfectly designed for them, builds towers and forts out of syllables.
There’s a treacherous unintentional volume to the word “this” that prickles across your neurons.
“And what’s ‘this’ exactly?” you ask.
“A recently recovered asset,” she explains. You expect a dossier of some kind to be set in front of you. She links her fingers together on top of her desk and looks you in the eye. “He’s asking for you.”
You blink. Never was any good at staring contests with anything but a screen.
“And who,” you speak slowly, poking at the edges of whatever she’s hedging around, “is he?”
A pause, heavy enough to slowly start pressing the air from your lungs.
“Do you remember John MacTavish?” she asks.
You frown, rifling through mental files.
John MacTavish of Task Force 141. Soap. You remember liking him, even though he made a shy, anti-social part of you uneasy. He had a starting problem, and a smiling problem. Or maybe you were the one with the problem - with the way he would often stare and sometimes smile.
You taught him how to find files out in the field. How to take from the enemy and corrupt entire systems. He was good at it. A digital pyromaniac. Used to hand-deliver drives and disks to you, sometimes still bloody and bruised from getting them.
You heard through the gossip vine that he was MIA (or maybe went AWOL?) at some point. Was shipped out to your final assignment soon after.
“Is he the… asset?” you ask.
Her eyes do this funny flicker thing then, and the corner of her mouth tenses. You press your thumb into your palm as your fingers twitch.
“He’s asking for you,” she explains, “and he has information we need.”
Between the lines: we need you to get the information from him. The error code flashing in your mind demands to know why.
“Why?” you wonder.
Maybe you’ve been out too long; forgot that “why” is blasphemy to the government. The answer will always be “because we said so.”
You already miss being out.
“You’ll have to ask him yourself,” she answers and stands.
Laswell takes the lead, the same blank-faced guards bring up the rear. This doesn’t feel like you’ve been volun-told to do them a favor. It feels like you’ve been sentenced without a trial.
You’re led down silent, nondescript halls, through heavy gray doors, and into shiny metal elevators. Everything needs a keycard you’ve not been given. The quiet gets heavier, meaner the deeper you go.
There’s the vague sense that you’re underground when Laswell finally stops at a heavily guarded door. She pauses, steals a glance at you that starts a high-pitched alarm in your head.
“He’s different now,” she says finally, “I’m sorry in advance.”
A guard unlatches the door. She nods you ahead to enter first. You hesitate, don’t like the change in light beyond. Behind you, one of the guards shifts. Don’t like that either.
On tingling legs, you slink through the cracked door. It shuts with a gavel’s finality behind you. Alone.
The room you’ve been tricked into barely deserves the word. It’s more a tiny patch of sequestered floor, little bigger than an office cubicle. Clean linoleum and unmarked walls. In the corner, a camera blinks.
But in front of you are bars; a wall of them. A door interrupting the grid-pattern. Beyond, it’s pitch black. You almost make the mistake of stepping forward.
“Stay there,” Laswell’s voice commands. Staticky. An intercom.
From the shadows, a growl. Low, rough. Just this side of human. You plaster yourself to the door you came through, hair standing on end.
The lights come on. It’s only because you’ve frozen that you don’t scream, all of it trapped up in a constricted throat.
The man in front of you is not Soap. It’s not even John MacTavish. It’s a very convincing beast wearing his face. Sort of.
More scars than you remember. A thicker beard too. His signature Mohawk is just a suggestion in the dark brown mess of his hair - like he’s been running his hands through it and ripping out any tangles along the way.
He’s not moving now though. Not except the deep heave of his broad chest. Could be a statue save for that. He’s staring; his eyes are bluer than you remember. Bluer and blanker. Nothing in them except a flicker of something vicious, something covetous. Something that’s peering out from this man.
“We brought her, just like you asked.” Laswell’s voice again, wary and expectant.
Soap doesn’t respond. He inhales deep, gaze still locked with yours. It’s loud, purposeful. Your stomach twists.
“Just as sweet as I remember.” His voice is gravel on ice, resonates in his barrel chest. Fills up the room like a rockslide. You curl your fingers against the door behind you. “You remember me, bonnie?”
It takes your brain a second to realize he’s talking to you. As if he could be speaking to anyone else. Your shadow maybe; she’s always been braver than you.
His eyes twitch, narrowing ever so slightly. His patience winding down, tick, tick, tick.
You jerk your head in a nod. His eyes burn.
“Good.” He cracks his neck. It feels entirely inorganic that he can move just that part of his body. “Would have to punish you if you didn’t.”
You swallow, dig up your voice from the crevice it slunk into.
“Laswell.” Your voice is too high, too nervous. Soap bares his teeth, slams his fist against the all-too-bendable barrier between you two. It shocks you, frightens you. How he could be so still and then so alive all at once.
“John, we brought her. That was the deal.”
You feel sick with something unspoken as he shakes his head.
“No, the deal was you give her to me. Do you see my fuckin’ hands on ‘er? My teeth?”
“The information first.”
You feel sick with rage. Like you’re going to throw up with the disgust that poisons your blood. Your legs nearly give out as you slide to the ground, pressing a hand over your mouth, filling with saliva. Stomach rolling.
Force yourself to breathe through your nose. Would work better if you could close your eyes but prey instinct won’t let you, survival too strong to dare look away from the predator now pacing at the bars. He’s agitated, devolving quickly into anger. You’d tell Laswell to stop pissing him off if that didn’t mean tossing you to him. More than she has, anyway.
“We will take her back if you don’t deliver your end of the deal.”
Like you’re some reward to be given and taken at someone else’s will. An incentive for good behavior.
The military used to make you feel like a dog - sit, stay, bark on command. But you’d take that over being the training treat any day.
Soap snarls. He sounds feral. Spits out a set of numbers, eyes pinned to you. When he’s done, he crouches down. Knees against the wall of bars.
“S’alright, little bird. C’mere and I’ll make it all better,” he coos, beckoning you with two fingers.
You press your lips together against a whimper. His expression twitches. You suck in a breath—
“We’ll need to verify those coordinates first,” Laswell says.
The noise that rips out of Soap makes you shake. You didn’t know people could make sounds like that; like something with teeth and claws and blood matted in its fur. He stands, huge and terrifying.
He curses and threatens (awful, cruel) but Laswell doesn’t respond again. You doubt she’s even listening. And you just stay still and quiet, hoping to avoid his attention altogether, pancaked to the wall.
As is the pattern today, your reasonable hope is eventually dashed. Can almost feel the exact moment Soap’s attention refocuses on you. Like a the click of switch.
And he’s down again, crooning at you so sweetly. Like you didn’t just watch him come within a breath of destroying his cell.
“You know it’s not fair, don’t you,” he murmurs. “You know that I’m owed you. C’mere.”
“I’m not a thing,” you snip, still too high. Almost petulant if not for the frightened crack in the middle. He flashes teeth.
“‘Course you are, hen,” he says, almost laughing. You realize with a jolt that you’ve amused him. “You’re my sweet, pretty thing with the sweet, pretty cunt that I’m gonna fuck and breed.”
Your voice slithers back into the abyss, snatched away by the smoke and shadow promises in his own.
“And you know that’s what you’re for, don’ you?” he continues, voice dripping lower and lower. “You know that you’re mine.”
You shake your head, want to explain that you didn’t have a choice. Government goons have been shuffling you about from place to place, only the illusion of free will, like horse blinders. Keeping you docile and complacent.
You don’t think Soap cares about things like logic or personhood right now though. Or at all.
“Come. Here.”
Hard metal between you, and every atom in your body screams not to comply. So you don’t.
When you shake your head, he snarls and slams his fist into the barrier again. You squeak this time, can’t help it, and try to become one with the wall.
He rages for a few minutes. Demands you, your compliance. At some point you just have to draw your knees up to your chest and lean your head against them. If he could get through, he would have by now. Let his anger become a terrifying background noise, a soundtrack for fear.
It’s when he goes quiet again that the fear returns. Your head snaps up. He’s staring again, still. Just like before. His arms are crossed - biceps huge, straining. There’s a sizable bulge pressed against the bars. Obscene.
“Best get your rest now, little girl,” he rumbles. Even and deceptively calm. “Because when that door opens, I’m not gonna be nice about it.”
You squeeze your eyes shut. “Stop it.”
A puff of air. You can’t tell if it’s amused or annoyed. “Say it while you can, ‘cause it won’t make a difference later.”
You shudder through your next inhale, heart pounding. Try to wrestle yourself under control, convince yourself that Laswell won’t actually give you up to him. Not when she’s already gotten what she wanted from him.
A sound breaks you from your frantic meditation, slick and wet. You look up without thinking. Soap is fucking viciously into his fist, eyes trained on you. The head of his cock is flushed an angry red, dripping with precum, shiny and needy.
“Regret being a little bitch now?” he growls. “Now that you see what’s going in that prissy little cunt?”
You clench and cramp at the very thought. He’s massive, not just long but thick. You wouldn’t be shocked if your fingers didn’t touch wrapped around him — not that you should be considering those logistics. It’ll just freak you out more.
“Can smell your wet pussy from here, hen. Bet I’ll knock you up on the first try.” He squeezes almost cruelly, knuckles banging against the bars as his hips jerk.
You press your thighs together, trying not to think about it. Not to think about all that bulk pinning you down and using you. Big, rough hands and sharp, mean teeth while he—
“Stop,” you grit out, to yourself this time.
His breath shudders, a rough noise dragging up his throat. You twitch back as cum splatters the floor, coats the metal in milky drops. You stare at the mess, mortified.
“Well?” he rasps and your eyes snap back to his. “Going to lick it up like the bitch you are?”
You swallow and curl up tighter. He takes that for the denial it is.
“S’alright,” he says, “you’ll get a taste soon enough.”
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piedinthepiper · 4 months
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You owe me (pt. 2) ☆
Mafia!Jungkook x psychologist!reader x mafia!Taehyung (slightly)
Summary: His efforts seem pointless. But when it comes to jealousy, anger and you, he just can’t help himself. And neither can you.
Warnings: yandere!Jungkook, dubcon, stalking?, breaking and entering, mention of murder, mention of other types of crimes, angst, weapons (a knife), cursing, male m, descriptive smut, angst
Wc: 7.4k
A/n: Thank you guys so much for all the feedback on this fic. Since so many wanted a part 2 I made a part 2! Hope you like it!
Disclaimer: This is 100% fiction. I am in no way saying that this is how any member of bts would act. Nor do I condone the actions detailed in the story. This is purely for entertainment purposes only. If any of the warnings trigger you, or you’re under 18 ¡do not read! I’m not your mother, and I don’t take any accountability for what you decide to read online!
Parts: | 1 | 2 |
Your back felt a sudden relief as you finally laid down in bed. It had been a long day. A very long day. A new patient took up almost all you time. Taehyung Kim. He was being charged with robbery and murder, and his lawyer had hired you to potentially give him a diagnosis that could help him in court.
You had to assign some of your other patients to a few of your coworkers, just to make time for him. But this is what you love doing. You wanted to help. Especially now, after what you learned about your entire career. You wanted to prove yourself. You knew you were good.
You turned off you lights and put your phone on the nightstand. Finally you were in the comfort of your own bed. Ready to fall asleep and dream the night away. Trying not to think about how early you had to wake up tomorrow. You had finally found a comfortable sleeping position after squirming around a bit. You felt all your muscles relax, starting to recognise the slow fade of sleep.
But suddenly a loud noice filled the room. Your body tensed again, jumping at the sudden sound. You rolled your eyes as you turned around, annoyed at yourself that you forgot to turn on ‘do not disturb’. Your phone screen lit up in your face, you squinted at the bright light hitting your eyes. You managed to decipher a message from an unknown number. You didn’t open it, writing a mental note to check it out tomorrow. If it was one of your patients they would have to wait until the morning. It was almost unprofessional to answer a text at 1 am.
You entered the doors to your workplace, expecting to see Erin behind the counter smiling at you.
“Good morning, Erin.”
You said like you always do. You halted once you saw her sitting there, not smiling, not saying anything. She just looked at you with a concerning look. Before you could ask her what’s wrong you looked over at the waiting chairs. You had seen a person in your peripheral view, something that was odd considering the office wasn’t even open to patients yet. You quickly understood what was going on once you saw who was sitting there.
“Good morning, Doctor.”
His familiar voice filled the dead quiet room. It had almost been a year since you last saw him. He had not contacted you after the incident in your office. You had almost, almost, forgotten him. But there he was, looking the exact same as you remembered him.
“Mr. Jeon.”
You stated. Not really knowing what to say. You were caught off guard by the whole situation. Some naive part of you thought that he had gotten what he wanted and would leave you alone. Forever.
“I thought you had stopped calling me that. Aren’t we more intimate at this point?”
You sighed at his question. Looking over at Erin for a second to see if she understood what he meant.
“He said he wanted to see you. I told him we wer-“
“It’s fine Erin, Mr. Jeon can be quite persuasive.”
You interrupted her as she started to apologise for letting him in. You looked back to him. His classic smirk was plastered on his face.
“I have an hour before my first patient arrives.”
You said and looked quickly at your wristwatch, before starting to walk down the hall towards your office. You heard his footsteps following behind you.
Once inside your office you took off your jacket and hung it up before sitting down behind your desk. He was quick to sit down on the sofa. A sense of deja vu washed over you.
“Why are you here, Jungkook?”
He looked confused by your question.
“You didn’t see my messages? Or my voicemails?”
It was your turn to look confused, as you couldn’t remember getting any texts or calls from him.
“Maybe you were asleep, I don’t know.”
He shrugged. You remembered the message from last night. The one you didn’t bother to read. You picked your phone up from your bag, turning off ‘do not disturb’. Hundreds of notifications from the same number appeared on your lock screen.
“You were the one that messaged me last night?”
You asked as you opened your phone.
“So you did read them?”
He asked in excitement. You shook your head at his question, too focused on your phone. You opened iMessage and hit the top notification. A series of long paragraphs of text appeared.
“I didn’t think it was you.”
You mumbled as you scrolled upwards trying to get to the start of what he had sent you.
“Listen, I’ll just tell you. It feels weird to watch you read something I poured my heart into.”
You looked up at him, before you put the phone down on your desk. Crossing your arms over your chest.
“Be quick.”
He thought for a second about where to start and what the most important things to tell you were.
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m ready now.”
The room went quiet as you waited for him to continue. He didn’t.
“What are you talking about?”
You asked confused.
“That’s the brief version of it. You told me to be quick.”
You rolled your eyes at him.
“I think I need a little more than that.”
He smiled at you like a child telling a joke for the first time. He leaned slightly forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“I’ve seen another psychologist. He’s helped me a lot. I’m doing well, I’m not some self absorbed dick, I’m not so angry anymore. And I’ve gotten to know your father as well. I’ve done my end of the promise, now it’s your turn, y/n.”
He got serious at the last sentence. Shifting his eyes from the innocent doe, to the man you remembered from your last meeting.
“You went to my father?”
You asked in shock, not caring for whatever he said after that.
“Yeah. Might as well get to know my future father-in-law a little better while I fulfilled my promise.”
You let your head fall down to your hands, and let out a long sigh. Visibly showing him that you were upset.
“I’m happy you’re doing better, I really am. But I did not promise you anything. Definitely not to marry you.”
His eyes changed again. You could tell he was upset.
“Don’t you think you owe me that?”
He asked slyly, cocking his head slightly to the side. You shook your head.
“You can’t hold that over my head forever. It’s not fair!”
You answered strictly.
“I’m not holding it over your head, baby. I’m asking you.”
“Well, then my answer is no. I don’t owe you shit. Now get out of my office.”
You answered quickly. Wanting him to leave so you didn’t get too upset, and started making bad decisions again.
“We don’t have to get married right away, or not at all if you just want to be my girlfriend.”
He offered. You suddenly stood up from your chair, pointing angrily towards the door.
“Out.”
You said.
“I don’t care if I owe you. I don’t care if you’ve gotten better. You’re still a mobster, you’re still a murderer and you’re still a sociopath. I could never date you. I could never even be friends with you. Don’t you understand?”
You ranted when he didn’t leave the sofa. He shook his head and kept his eyes on the floor.
“It’s him isn’t it?”
He asked, still not looking up at you. He was frightening like that. You felt the same fear, you felt the first time he talked to you like that. He was showing his true colours.
“Who?”
You asked carefully as you sat back down again. He looked up at you with anger and jealousy in his eyes.
“Your new patient. The jailbird, you spend a lot of time with him.”
You rolled your eyes.
“Yes, and? He’s nothing but my patient.”
“Are you sure? I’ve seen him on the news, he’s quite attractive. Just your type.”
You scoffed and gave him an offended look.
“Yes I’m sure. Who are you to accuse me of having an affair with a patient?”
“Because you had one with me.”
You sighed.
“We did not have an affair.”
You stated, not daring to look him in the eyes.
“Then what do you call it?”
The room got quiet. To be honest you never thought about what you would call it. You didn’t want to think about it at all. It went against everything you stood for.
“Please, just leave.”
You said, you felt your eyes getting watery for some reason. Maybe it was because you were scared, or surprised. Or maybe even sad to see him again.
“I can tell you’re upset. We still need to work things out. Can we talk sometime? Not here, somewhere not so formal.”
You looked up at him again. His eyes were soft, he seemed to really care that you were affected negatively by this. For some reason you found it endearing.
“You can come to my place, we can talk and-“
“There’s no way I’m voluntarily going to your place.”
You interrupted him. He looked down in defeat for a few seconds.
“Please, y/n. I just want to show you that I’m better. I want to show you all I’ve done for you. I don’t want to argue with you.”
He said softly. His eyes were also teary now. You hated yourself for getting affected by his feelings. You hated that you thought this was a tender moment.
“Do you promise that we’ll only be talking?”
You asked. Not knowing why you were agreeing to this in the first place. Maybe you were naive, but it seemed that he actually had changed. Even if he still was delusional and obsessive.
“Of course, I would never do anything to harm you. I love you.”
He said, slightly excited. The room got quiet once again. You had silently agreed to meet him at his place.
“I’ll send you the address. I’ll see you on Thursday.”
He said, before getting up and walking out the door.
“Wait-“
You tried to say, but he was already gone. You wouldn’t be able to make it on Thursday.
You sat down at the table, waiting for the guards to bring in Mr. Kim. This week had been stressful. Not only because of your case with Mr. Kim, but also because of all your other patients. It was hard having time for them while handling such a big case as his. You had to work overtime the entire week, and you were exhausted.
“Good afternoon, y/n.”
He said as two guards brought him in. He had learned your first name quickly, and refused to use your title or last name.
“Hello, Mr. Kim. How are you?”
He smiled, and waited to answer until the guards had chained his legs to the table and left the room. You never felt unsafe being alone with him, even if he was a convicted murderer. His hands were always handcuffed, the same with his legs, so he couldn’t reach you. You knew the guards watched you from outside the big tinted glass. It allowed you to lower your guard, and treat him like you treat your other patients.
“I’m doing amazing now that you’re here.”
He said and smirked. Like Jungkook said, he was attractive. His hair was always combed back, and the all grey clothing actually suited him. He had some kind of lightning tattoo that went up his neck, due to his clothing you didn’t know if he had any more of them.
“How are you, sweetheart?”
He asked back. Still keeping intense eye contact with you.
“We did talk about not calling me anything but my name, do you remember that?”
You asked him strictly. He chuckled.
“It’s hard not to call you something you are, don’t you like compliments?”
You started taking off your coat. It was cold when you entered, but with two people in the little room it was too warm to keep your wool coat on.
“We’re not here to talk about me. I’ve given you permission to use my first name, that’s all.”
You said as you draped the coat over your chair. You looked back at him, he wasn’t looking you in your eyes anymore. This time his eyes were focused on your exposed cleavage. You hadn’t worn low cut tops with him yet, only oversized jumpers due to the weather. You suddenly became very aware of yourself and pulled your top up, trying to hide more of your cleavage. His eyes went back to your face, and you decided that you would wear something less revealing next time.
“Whatever you say, y/n.”
He put extra pressure on your name this time. You gave him a small smile, before you looked down at your notes.
“Why don’t we start were we ended things? Do you remember what I told you I wanted us to talk about?”
He sighed, but nodded.
“My teenage years?”
He asked. You nodded back at him.
“I was a good teenager, I didn’t do drugs, I came home before my curfew, did well in school.”
He memorised.
“But I did like girls. I really did. It was my weakness.”
He said, quickly flickering his eyes down to your cleavage again.
“Why do you say it was your weakness?”
You asked, writing it down in your notes. He started smirking again.
“Since I was such a good teenager, I stayed home a lot. After I did my homework or studied for tests I didn’t have anything to do. Until I found porn.”
He let out a groan, almost like he was in pleasure just by the thought.
“I would spend all day just jerking off to random girls online. Whenever I saw a pretty girl outside I would go straight home and jerk off to her too.”
You felt yourself getting a bit uncomfortable at his bluntness, but didn’t say anything to let him continue. You focused on your notes instead.
“It would take up my entire day, I felt crazy at times. And now that I don’t have anything to do, I find myself doing the same in my cell.”
You nodded, still looking down at your notes. Not wanting to look at him while he talked about something so intimate.
“But the only one I can think about is you.”
He said almost as if he was out of breath. You finally looked at him. And saw that one of his hands had slid under the waistband of his trousers.
“Come over here and sit on me, baby.”
He moaned. You didn’t know what to do or say, you froze. The door opened and two guards came in.
“No- please! Y/n! Please fuck me! I need you. I fucking need you so bad!”
He yelled as he was practically carried out of the room. You sat there speechless, in the now empty room.
“I think it’s best for him to have a male psychologist, I can no longer treat him.”
You called Mr. Kim’s lawyer the minute you sat down in your car. You told him what had happened.
“I’m sorry this happened to you.”
He said back.
“I’ll send all my notes to the man you’ll appoint.”
“Thank you for your help, Dr. Y/l/n.”
You said a small goodbye, before you hung up. While you were driving home you started to think about what happened today. You felt useless and it felt unfair. Why did you have to end up in all kinds of mess. First it was Jungkook, and now Mr. Kim.
Jungkook. You had completely forgot that you were supposed to meet him today. You sighed. Meeting him was the last thing you wanted to do. Maybe it was better to just say you forgot if he contacts you again. Since your session ended earlier than expected, you would actually have time to eat a proper meal and go to bed at a reasonable time. And with Mr. Kim’s case being transferred to someone else, you could finally use all your time on your normal patients. Even if the day had been horrible, you still had a massive weight lifted off your shoulders.
You walked up to your door, struggling with your keys to find the right one. Once you found it you put it in the keyhole and twisted, hearing the familiar click. You reached for the door handle and attempted to open it. But it didn’t budge. Did you not lock your door this morning? You twisted the key the other way again, and thought that it must be the exhaustion taking a toll on you.
When you finally were inside your own house you took off your coat and hung it up with your bag. You took off your shoes and looked at yourself in the big mirror you have in your hallway. You looked down at the white low cut top. It wasn’t even that low, but a part of your cleavage did show. In what felt like a fit of rage you took it off yourself. Hurriedly lifting it over your head and throwing it on the floor. You never wanted to wear that top again. You stormed over to the kitchen. You needed something to drink, you were so thirsty. So thirsty that you failed to notice the man sitting in your sofa. You swung the fridge door open, grabbing a carton of orange juice and downing what was left of it.
“Rough day?”
A voice emitted. You jumped and your heart started raising. You looked over at the sofa where the voice came from. Jungkook? Jungkook. You quickly ducked down behind the counter, remembering that you were only in your bra.
“What the fuck are you doing in my house?!”
You yelled at him. You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream, you were so confused. What was going on?
“Y/n, calm down! Please.”
You heard him get up from the sofa, taking hasty steps towards you. Your fight or flight instinct kicked in and you suddenly jumped up again and grabbed a knife. Pointing it towards him. He quickly halted, putting his hands slightly up in front of him.
“Come on, it’s just me.”
He said, leaning his head to the side.
“Exactly!”
You said, slowly moving away from him.
“Why are you here? How did you get in?”
You yelled at him, firmly holding the knife between the two of you.
“Baby, please calm down.”
“How can I calm down?! You broke into my house!”
He sighed, and went quiet for a moment.
“Put the knife down, you know I won’t do anything to you. Please, let’s just talk. That’s why I’m here.”
He said in a calm voice. You shook your head, you felt like you were going to have a panic attack. This was all too much for you. You threw the knife onto the kitchen counter and covered your eyes. You started crying. You were so overwhelmed. From the situation earlier today, to Jungkook suddenly appearing in your life again, to just the pure exhaustion. You needed to cry. You couldn’t hold it back anymore. You couldn’t put up the facade you usually do. And suddenly you felt two arms wrapping around you. He hugged you. And for a moment you leaned into it. You felt safe in his arms. It comforted you. It reminded you of when your father hugged you after your first boyfriend broke up with you. It was like knowing that someone cared for you when you felt as if the whole world was against you. Until you remembered who was hugging you. Because it definitely wasn’t your father. And the reality of you standing in just your bra with someone that broke into your house hit.
“Get off of me!”
You suddenly screamed, and started pushing his strong chest. Tears still streaming down your face.
“I hate you! I fucking hate you, Jungkook! My life has been a nightmare since the minute I met you!”
You screamed at him with all your lung capacity. Your throat got immediately sore.
“You’re fucking crazy! And I’m tired of playing your fucking games!”
He took several steps away from you, but you walked after him. Pointing your finger in his face.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with you?! How can you be so fucking awful?! You’re an awful person!”
He continued to stay silent through your fit of rage. Letting you ride it out.
“I hate you.”
You said, calming down but still crying.
“I hate you so much.”
You said taking a deep breath. You wiped your tears. He didn’t say anything. He just stood there. Speechless. You adverted your eyes to the floor.
“Please leave. Can you please leave me alone? Please, just-“
You started, continuing to wipe your tears. You had resulted to begging him to leave your life.
“I can’t do this anymore, Jungkook. I can’t.”
He grabbed your chin softly, raising your head up to meat his eyes. He was also crying. He silently kissed you. And you let him, too exhausted to do anything else. He pecked your lips, before walking away. He left you there, all alone in your kitchen. As you heard the door close behind him you fell down to the floor. Continuing to weep.
After a month of silence from your former patient you felt content. It had been a month, and there was no sign of him. Your life had gone back to normal again. It was definitely a good thing to tell him exactly what you meant. This time you had been harsh on him, to make him understand you were definitely not interested.
After three months you started thinking that maybe you had been too harsh on him. Maybe you should’ve eased him out of your life. Not gone all crazy on him. But he didn’t contact you, and you were definitely not going to contact him. So telling him that you were sorry was out of the question.
On the fourth month you thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to contact him. Just to tell him you were sorry for being mean of course. He was really attached to you in his own weird way. Getting rejected by someone you had planned out your entire life with must be hard. What if he had gone back to his old ways? What if your rejection caused him to live in agony? To fall into depression?
On the fifth month you found yourself standing in the lobby of his hotel. If you were going to apologise, you were going to do it in person. That’s way more genuine rather than over a text. You definitely didn’t want to see him again, but anything for a real heartfelt apology!
“I’d like to see Mr. Jeon, is he here?”
You asked before the receptionist could say anything. He smiled at you.
“Is Mr. Jeon expecting you?”
He asked in a costumer support voice. You shook your head.
“No he isn’t.”
You answered short.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t give you access to his suite if he’s not expecting you.”
You rolled your eyes. You knew you had to lie.
“He’s not expecting me, but I’m his psychologist, ok? I need to talk with him, it’s important.”
You said in your serious voice. Shoving your business card in his face like you were a cop.
“I’m sorry-“
“You will be sorry if you don’t help me out here.”
You hit your palms onto the counter before you. The man slightly jumped at your action.
“Look, I’m not asking for the fucking key to his nightstand, I just want to know his room number for gods sake!”
You were starting to get annoyed at the poor man just trying to do his job. He looked quite frightened at your outburst. He thought for a second, before he nodded.
“717.”
He simply said. You thanked him and hurried over to the elevator. Once you reached his door you stopped yourself. Was this really the right thing to do? Maybe you should just leave, he wasn’t your concern anymore. Why weren’t you happy he was out of your life? Why? Why? Why?! The door suddenly opened, and you were sucked out of your thoughts. A man stood there, a familiar man, but not Jungkook.
“Hello, sweetheart.”
He said with a smirk on his face. He quickly pulled you into a hug. Letting his hands drop dangerously low on your waist. He took a deep inhale of your hair, letting out a small groan. It gave you instantly chills in all the wrong places. You tried pulling away from the incredibly awkward hug, but his grip on you was tight. He decided when the hug ended, but stayed close to you. Resting his hands on your hips.
“Let go of me! What are you doing here?”
You asked him and tried to get som distance from him, pushing at his chest. But his strong grip on your hips didn’t loosen.
“What are you doing here is the real question. A pretty woman like you shouldn’t be in a hotel like this.”
“Get off of me!”
He smirked and leaned in closer to you again. Whispering in your ear.
“Why don’t you come with me to my room? I still can’t get you off my mind, sweetheart.”
Someone cleared their throat loudly next to you. Taehyung reacted immediately. Jungkook. You looked at him, but he didn’t look at you. His eyes were focused on Taehyungs hands, planted on your hips.
“She said ‘get off’.”
He almost growled. Taehyung smiled, but removed his hands. Putting them defensively up in the air.
“Sorry, boss. Just had to catch up with my psychologist. She’s the girl I told you about.”
Taehyung started. You were in shock. They knew each other?
“I know.”
He answered and looked at you for the first time. There was a sort of a melancholy feeling in his eyes.
“You know it all, man. I’ll just-“
“Leave.”
Jungkook finished his sentence for him.
“Yeah, leave. I’ll leave. Nice seeing you again, y/n. We have to meet up sometime.”
“That won’t be necessary.”
You answered quickly, not taking your eyes off Jungkook.
“I won’t take no for an answer, baby.”
Taehyung said and stepped closer to you again.
“Yes you will, now leave.”
Jungkook said strictly.
“Okaaay, I’ll leave. Whatever.”
He said and walked away. You followed Taehyung with your eyes, watching as he disappeared into one of the rooms down the hall. When you looked back at Jungkook, you discovered he had been staring at you the entire time. You felt anger building up inside you.
“Don’t tell me this is what I think it is.”
You said, you almost sounded hurt.
“It’s not like that.”
He answered. You rolled your eyes at him. He didn’t exactly sound convincing. You had no intention of apologising to him anymore.
“Let me guess, you didn’t hire Mr. Kim to ruin my case so I could run back right into your arms? It was just a convenience that you were waiting for me when I came home, right?”
You asked in a sarcastic tone. He went quiet. You scoffed and turned to walk away. He grabbed your arm harshly so you couldn’t leave.
“I didn’t, I promise. Let me explain, please.
You sighed.
“Let me go.”
He shook his head.
“Y/n, just come-“
“Let me go.”
You interrupted him. After a few seconds he listened to you, and let go of your arm. You stood still, contemplating if you should leave for good this time. Instead, you slipped passed him into his room. His suite was huge, it was more like an apartment really. Modern with expensive furniture and paintings scattered around the room. He had a lot of money, you knew that, but you didn’t know it was to this extent.
“You better explain-“
You were suddenly caught off guard by his strong arms turning you around and embracing you in a tight hug.
“You came back to me! I knew you would! Oh, I’m so happy to see you again, baby!”
He said in a boyish tone. It was a sharp contrast to his interaction with Taehyung. You weren’t able to immediately react, getting lost in the feeling of his arms wrapped around you once again.
“Stop it, Jungkook. I’m still angry with you.”
You said and wiggled out of his hug. He looked at you with hurt in his eyes as he saw you brushing off imaginary dust from your skirt.
“I understand. Sit, I’ll get you something to drink.”
He said and walked out of the room. You did as you were told, sitting down on his white cashmere sofa. He came back with two cups of tea, placing them carefully on the glass table before sitting down beside you. You didn’t say anything, you waited for him to say the first word.
“Just uh- please just listen to me ok?”
He asked and looked at you. You nodded.
“I didn’t exactly plan this. Taehyung was stupid enough to get caught and ended up in prison. I told my lawyer to get you on his case. I knew a case like that would be amazing for your career.”
You shook your head disappointedly.
“I’ve told you I don’t want your help. Why-“
“Listen, y/n. Please just let me explain.”
You sighed and crossed your arms, but you stayed silent.
“Anyways, after a while he confessed to me that he was in love with you.”
You watched his entire body go stiff at his statement. He clenched his fists in jealousy.
“You know I’m willing to go lengths for you to succeed, baby. But- I had to stop him. I refuse to let him have you like that. Especially when we weren’t even talking to each other. So that night I sent you all those messages.”
He unclenched his hands and put his hand carefully on your knee.
“I knew he would do whatever I told him to, so I said if he got you out of the case I’d get him out of prison.”
“So you asked him to jerk off in front of me?”
Jungkooks face changed drastically. He did not seem pleased about the new piece of information you just gave him.
“He did that?”
He asked, his tone had changed from apologetic to dangerous. You nodded. His grip around your knee tightened. You put your hand over his, to show him that he was hurting you.
“I’m going to fucking kill him.”
He said looking you straight in the eye. Another set of chills ran down your back. You knew he meant it. It was not a loose threat.
“This isn’t about him, Jungkook. You pushed him do it. And then you broke into my house, expecting to be treated like some kind of hero.”
You pushed his hand off your knee. He started staring into the air. A million thoughts running through his head.
“I don’t understand how you can’t see that your behaviour is insane?”
You stated. He was still being quiet.
“You need to stop.”
You said a little calmer, trying to comfort him.
“I did.”
He said and looked at you.
“I did stop, because that’s what I thought you wanted. But now you were the one that came to me.”
He caught you off guard. It was your turn to be quiet this time.
“I’ll always do what’s best for you, because I love you, y/n. I don’t care how insane I sound or look to you. But why are you here if you think that of me?”
You looked away from him, knowing you had no rebuttal.
“You called me an awful person, you told me you hated me. And I can take it. But I can’t take another rejection from you! I just can’t!”
He raised his voice now. He was getting emotional.
“I’m sorry.”
You said so lightly it was almost a whisper. He stopped ranting and the room got quiet.
“That’s why I came here. To tell you that I’m sorry.”
You looked back to him again. His eyes were big and filled with so much love. You had never seen him like that before.
“I’m sorry I said I hated you, and that you’re crazy and an awful person. None of it true.”
He nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact with you. You became quiet again.
“Is that it?”
He asked carefully. You nodded, shifting awkwardly in the sofa.
“Yeah, I should probably leave.”
You said, taking his hint. Preparing to walk out and never seeing him again.
“No.”
He said, and shifted towards the end of the seat.
“No, not like that.”
He said in a hurry, and took ahold of you hands. You looked confused at him.
“I didn’t mean for you to leave. Don’t leave.”
He sounded almost desperate, clinging onto your hands. You nodded and gave him a short smile.
“What I meant to say is, is that the only reason you came here?”
You thought for a second. Was saying sorry the only reason you came? That’s at least what you told yourself. But at the same time you felt like you owed him more. You didn’t know what you felt. You had been an emotional wreck for months now.
“Yes.”
You answered. Trying to keep cool and not overthink the entire situation. You didn’t want to see him, you had to. Because you’re a good person. That’s all. That’s it. But it didn’t feel like it. It definitely didn’t feel like it. It felt like you longed to see him.
“You’re lying.”
You were ripped out of your thoughts by his statement. You shook your head defensively.
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
You opened your mouth to argue back, but he spoke first.
“If it was a clear ‘yes’ you wouldn’t have to think about it. I know you better than you think, y/n.”
He repositioned himself so he could look right at you.
“Come on, ask me anything about yourself and I’ll tell you.”
You looked briefly at your wristwatch.
“I don’t know, maybe I should leave.”
“Just give me a chance, y/n.”
He said.
“If I don’t get it right I’ll let you leave.”
You rolled your eyes playfully at him, but still turning more towards him, accepting his offer.
“What’s my mothers name?”
You asked. He gave you a knowing look.
“Come on, that’s easy. Give me something that isn’t on Google.”
You let out a small laugh.
“You didn’t say her name though.”
“Christina, now give me something good. Something deep.”
You smiled, but had to think for a second.
“When did I loose my virginity?”
His smile turned to a smirk.
“You were 16 at Mae’s birthday party. You were drinking, and her boyfriend August hit on you. He took you to her bed and fucked you right there. No wonder Mae isn’t your friend anymore. You’re a bitch.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at him. Deep down it was scary that he knew something so intimate in great detail, but for some reason you were having fun with his little game.
“Ok ok. But now it’s your turn, when did you loose your virginity?”
He let out a nervous laugh at your question.
“This quiz isn’t about me.”
He stated and pulled his hand through his hair. You tilted your head slightly downwards and looked at him through your lashes and with a pout.
“I think it’s only fair that I know your story, since you know mine so well.”
He smiled at you, but looked away for a few seconds. Contemplating if he should tell you or not. When you saw him shy away, you suddenly felt as if you were digging into something he wasn’t comfortable sharing.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
You said, and placed your hand on top of his. Your fun voice was toned down to your regular speech again.
“No, I’ll share it. No worries.”
He said and looked back to you. You nodded and turned completely towards him. Crossing your legs and resting your arm on the backrest of the sofa, ready to hear his story.
“My first time was around one and a half year ago, in your office, with the girl of my dreams.”
He said dead serious. You snickered at him, thinking he was joking. But he didn’t laugh.
“You can’t be serious.”
You stated, he nodded proudly.
“Why wouldn’t I be, like I said you’re my dream girl. Why would I waste my time on others when the only one I want is you?”
He asked rhetorically. You crossed your eyebrows in confusion.
“You’ve never had sex? Ever?”
You asked in shock. His image did not fit the virgin title whatsoever.
“Once. With you.”
You smiled, but shook your head in disbelief.
“You can’t be serious. You probably have girls throw themselves at you.”
His hand found your knee again. This time it was placed a little further up.
“The only one I want is you. I waited for you because I knew you would be worth it. Because I love you.”
He said in a low tone, slightly stroking the inside of your thigh. The two of you were close, so close that you were aware of the proximity. The tension in the air got thicker and thicker from the power of his last words. His face started moving slowly towards you, and you gave in. Meeting his lips. The kiss started slow, but he was quick to rush it. Grabbing your neck to deepen the kiss. You were suddenly overwhelmed by the reality of what you were doing, and pulled away.
“We can’t do this.”
You simply said. Focusing on your hands on your lap. His hand went to push a strand of your hair out of your face.
“Why?”
He didn’t sound angry or impatient. He sounded like he cared. It was so much different from the first time the two of you shared a moment like that. He had really changed, and that was the problem.
“I’m not your patient anymore, y/n. I don’t want anything from you.”
You looked up at him again, and he caressed your face in a loving matter.
“Except for you of course.”
His face got closer again, but this time you didn’t kiss him. You abruptly got up from the sofa, and opted for looking down at him instead. You took a deep breath.
“You’re not doing anything wrong by having sex with me. Again, I’m not your patient.”
He said a little bit louder, trying to calm you down.
“I can’t have sex with you because I’ll fall in love with you.”
You couldn’t believe those words came out of your mouth. You had been in denial this entire time, but you knew yourself. This would not end well. You couldn’t bare to fall in love with someone that would ruin your image and reputation. You just couldn’t. He looked at you like you were some kind of god. Like all his wishes were finally answered.
“Why is that a bad thing?”
He asked, you shook your head.
“I can’t let that happen, Jungkook. It’s going to ruin my career.”
You sat back down, leaning your elbows on your thighs and your head in your hands.
“I have done nothing but help your career. Why can’t you just trust me?”
He put his hand on your back, stroking you lightly. You looked at him again.
“Please, trust me y/n.”
Fuck it, you thought, before you caught him off guard with your forceful kiss. He was quick to get the memo, kissing you back with the same hastiness and lust. You found your way onto his lap without breaking the kiss. Once you were straddling him, you felt his already hard cock grinding against you. He was desperate for you. A muffled groan escaped his lips when your hand went down to remove his belt.
“Wait.”
He said as he pulled away from you. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were wet and plump.
“Let me taste you.”
It sounded more like a question than a statement. His whole aura was so different from the needy rough man you remembered from the last time.
“Please.”
You got off his lap, taking your top off slowly. Watching him as his face turned in awe of the sight of your tits. His eyes were only on you as you shimmied out of your skirt, letting it pool on the floor. You laid down on the sofa, spreading your legs for him. He quickly removed his shirt, before getting on his stomach. His hand ran slowly down your abdomen, before he reached your slit. He split your lips with the same hand, before he dove right into you. You could tell he was inexperienced, but the rapid use of tongue on your clit sent waves of pleasure throughout your body. You let out extra pound moans whenever he would hit a good spot, and luckily he was a quick learner.
Once he had the hang of it, his hand moved down to your vagina, pushing two fingers in. Your back arched at the speed of the overstimulation. Feeling your orgasm approach quicker than usual. You grabbed his hair, pushing him deeper into you, preparing for your release.
“Don’t stop, Jungkook! I’m close.”
He moaned by your words, the vibrations making you tip over the edge. Your legs closed in on him, locking him in place. As you rode out your high. Once you had calmed down, you let go of his hair. And his face popped up from between your legs. He climbed on top of you, kissing you passionately. You tasted yourself on his lips.
“God, you’re so fucking hot.”
He said in between kisses and moans.
“I almost came just from eating you out.”
He started fiddling with his belt, but you stopped him. Placing a hand on his chest carefully.
“Let me.”
You simply said, before he moved off you. He sat down again, and you crawled onto the floor. Seating yourself between his legs. You looked up at him as your hands slowly traveled up his thighs. He was even more flushed now, his hair sticking to his forehead. You could tell he was impatient. Flicking his eyes between your hands and your eyes.
“Please, y/n.”
He uttered with a heavy breath. You smirked up at him, finally reaching his belt. You took your time with it as well. Once it was open, he was quick to pull down his pants and underwear. Letting his cock spring free. You got on top of him again, slowly lowering yourself onto his cock. He jerked up the second he felt your pussy on him. His thick cock stretched your walls out, and a moan escaped both your lips.
“Just relax, I’ll take care of you this time.”
You said in a low voice, placing your hands on his shoulders. His hands went straight to your ass, giving your cheeks a tight squeeze. You kissed him gently before you started riding him. His head fell back in pleasure once you started your movements. Bouncing up and down his cock. His hands dug deeper into your skin. He filled you to the brim, and every bounce felt amazing.
“Fuck! I’m not- gonna last long.”
He moaned and looked back at you. You then leaned your hands backwards onto his thighs. Your head fell slightly back as you moaned at the new angle.
“Y/n, slow down!”
He moaned as his hands moved to your thighs. Trying halfheartedly to stop you. But you didn’t stop. And suddenly you felt him coming inside you. His hips lifted you up, as he released himself. And when you felt like he was finished you stopped. You rapped your hands around his shoulders as you fell onto his chest. The room got quiet, the only sound being your heavy breathing.
You weren’t able to think about the consequences of your actions at that point. You only felt satisfaction and lust. And maybe even love…
Thank you for reading! Do you want to read more?
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inkdrinkerworld · 4 months
Text
High Hopes pt2
Cw: dealer!remus, weed, recreational smoking, food, mention of parental abuse, nightmares, fluff, friends to lovers
Wc: 8.7k
part one
✧ ✧ ✧
You and Remus don’t speak about the bed sharing accident till mid summer, when you and Marlene invite him and his friends to your annual cookout.
You’d asked months in advance to use your family cottage in the countryside for your party and despite every jab and snide remark your family had made in the months leading up to the event, you refused to retaliate and make them change their minds about loaning you the house.
“Make sure you tell everyone to bring swimsuits, Marl, the lake is gorgeous.”
You’d gone up to the house a day before everyone else, wanting to ensure that everything was clean and that you’d have enough room for everyone to have at most two people in a room.
“Lupin, looks like you’re gonna have to bring those swimmies anyway!” you hear her yell to Remus who’s currently under packing by the sounds of it.
“Tell him he has to! Everyone has to go swimming ‘cause there’s a boat that takes you to the best part of the lake.” You say down the phone as you slide the last case of sodas into the fridge.
“I can hear you just fine, pretty girl. I’m not doing anything mad with you lot, you and Marlene are chaotic enough when you’re together.”
Marlene snickers and wishes you goodbye before you can even try to defend your mentality when you and Marlene meet in one room.
As the day drones on, you organise the firewood in a pile near the pit, thin blankets on the sofa as well as the beds, and you even make a couple burritos for breakfast in the morning.
As you go about your skincare, your phone rings and your body tenses. With one hand on your face, you take a peek at your phone and let out a breathy sigh at ‘Moony’ flashing on the screen with a video call.
“You’re there by yourself?” he asks as soon as you answer, taking a little time to prop your phone up on the sink as you rub your serum into your face.
“Mhm, I’m a big girl Remus, ‘ve locked the doors already and everything.” He knows you’re teasing him, and though you’ve got a playful smile, he frowns. He’s not a major fan of you being there by yourself.
“I know you are, s’just far.” you let out a giggle as you take a look at his worried face.
“Promise I’m safe Rem. The house has an alarm.” you placate him anyway, and take him through the virtual motions of your nighttime skincare routine.
“Do you want me to come there earlier?” he asks as you put everything back into your makeup bag.
“Remus,” you laugh and watch as he smiles. “You’re bringing Sirius, James, Lily, and Marlene. You can’t come up earlier.”
Remus scoffs and shows the floor where Sirius and Marlene are sleeping.
“James and Lils are down the hall, I can make them get up earlier to be there at like eight.”
You shake your head. The way your heart warms at his worry for you and his insistence that he wants to be there earlier is instantaneous and unstoppable.
“You’re going to make me think you’re obsessed with me.”
Remus gives you a small smile, one you’ve learnt is actually a big smile in Remus’ books- but says nothing.
“Do you want me to bring brownies or cookies? ‘Ve got both, but I’m pretty sure Sirius and James have had from the brownies.”
He rolls his neck and then his shoulder as he waits for your response and you watch a small frown play on his lips.
You slide on your glasses and hum, “Maybe cookies, especially if they’re oatmeal raisin.”
Remus nods, a little bewitched as he watches you putting on a lip mask. He saw you in your glasses a couple days after Marlene’s party, when he dropped off your shoes and took back his sweater, even after insisting you keep it.
He couldn’t help but think that you were even more gorgeous with the wide framed glasses than you are with your contacts then, and now he thinks the exact same thing- especially with your bunny pyjamas.
“I’ll keep that in mind, pretty girl.” Remus watches you crawl under your sheets and tries not to look creepy, but it’s intimate and he feels like you’re both a couple, rather than a couple of friends.
“G’night Rem,” you yawn, face tucked into something Remus can’t quite make out in the dark room.
“G’night pretty girl,” Remus waits till you’re asleep to hang up and when he does, his head falls into his pillow with a sigh.
-
The next morning, you’re reheating your burritos on a comal when Marlene texts you that they’re thirty minutes away and starving.
You laugh at the picture she sends you of James and Lily occupying most of the space in the backseat asleep while she’s squished to the door.
By the time you’re opening all the doors, and going out to water some of your plants, you see Remus’ car pulling up the driveway.
You’re still in your pyjamas, bunnies covering your pants and tank top and your glasses are still on but you can’t really find it in you to care.
“Bubbles! Are you putting on a show for me?” Marlene screeches as she practically jumps out of the car and pulls you into a bone crushing hug.
“Oh yeah, are you aroused?” you laugh as you set down the watering can.
“Mhm, extremely.”
Remus joins you after and you give him a small smile as his hand reaches to brush your lower back.
“G’morning,” he whispers, voice raspy like he’s just smoked. “Cute pyjamas.”
You bite the inside of your cheek to keep from smiling.
“Angel, this is a pretty sweet place!” Sirius gives you a side hug and drops a kiss to your forehead.
“Thanks Sirius,”
You greet James and Lily who seem upset they’re awake so early but they manage to give you a smile. “There’s breakfast on the counter.” Everyone besides Remus rushes into the house.
“Babe you’re the best!” you hear Marlene shout and you smile.
“You’re not hungry, Lupin?”
He shakes his head, “Not till you’re going to have something.”
You feel your heart gallop at the ease with which he says the words and you try hard to keep those feelings from rising up to your face.
“Fine, but there’s lots of flowers to water.” it takes you all of ten minutes and you make it back in the house in time to get the last burrito.
“We can share,” you say to Remus who’s halfway to protesting when Marlene kicks his shin.
You’re cutting the burrito in half when she mouths, ‘Share with her.’
“Whatever you want, pretty girl.” he says instead of, ‘No, y’can have it,’ like he’d wanted to. Your bright smile as he accepts it makes eating at eight in the morning not seem like a strange thing. Especially when you opt for sitting next to him at the breakfast nook.
Your thigh presses into his, elbows brushing every time you shift. It’s weird in the way that it comforts you- you’ve known him for less than a month and you’ve slept in the same bed and become intertwined in each other’s routines, and when he’s this close you’re just a regular girl, with no issues at home.
Marlene leaves first and before you can ask her she says, “I’m gonna set the kettle on,”
You give her a smile and blow a kiss that makes Sirius pout.
Remus barely conceals his smirk at his best friend’s obvious attraction to Marlene.
“Did you bring your mug?” she asks and Remus turns away from Sirius to look towards the kitchen.
“I did, s’in the cupboard.”
He turns to you and raises an eyebrow.
“What mug?”
You set your half eaten burrito down and jerk your chin to where Marlene is holding the mug that resembles a dinosaur.
“It’s not good by any means, but I love him.”
Marlene runs to her bag to pull out another dinosaur mug that leaves Sirius pouting even harder.
“Where was I when this mug making trip was taken, hm?” he asks, James and Remus roll their eyes and you swear they mutter, “Brat,” but don’t say anything.
Marlene responds to him, “Probably riding your motorcycle to the hairdressers? You weren’t hanging out with us Siri- it’s a me and Bubbles thing.”
Marlene blows you a kiss this time that Sirius reaches across the table to ‘snatch’ before it reaches you.
“You’re a lot more jealous than I thought you’d be,” you say gently to Sirius who flushes a little pink.
“M’not.” but his voice goes up an octave as he says it.
“There’s more mugs in the cupboards over the stove if anyone else wants tea.” you say, turning to Lily who’s just a little bit quiet.
“You can go upstairs and take a nap if you need to,” she gives you a gentle smile and yawns before she can say thank you.
When Marlene comes round with your tea, James and Lily are heading upstairs to get a bit more hours in and Sirius is taking Marlene back outside under the guise of, ‘getting a feel for the land’ but you’re pretty sure he just wants to love on her.
Again you’re left with Remus and you don’t mind it one bit.
“When’s the next mug making trip?” he asks as you take a sip of tea and relax against him.
“Oh don’t tell me you’re jealous too, Lupin.”
He only shakes his head, “Of Marls? No, I just want to have a mug with that much,” he pauses as he searches for the right word while he looks at your very deformed bright purple dinosaur with green spots. “character.” is what he settles on.
“That’s an interesting word choice,” you take another sip. “Maybe when we get back to the city.”
Remus’ll take that any day.
“What’s the first order of business?” he asks and you turn to him,
“Grocery run, I didn’t know what everyone ate or didn’t eat so I didn’t want to get anything more than stuff for breakfast.”
Remus nods, his hand falling to your hips to pull you a little closer. His thumb rubs the exposed skin there from where your shirt has rode up as you finish your tea.
“We can go and come back, pretty sure James is snoring and Sirius,” he pauses and you laugh. “Sirius is distracted.”
“I’ve gotta shower first though.” Remus doesn’t seem to mind the implied wait.
“So I’ll watch a film,” it’s how sincere he sounds when he says things like that that causes your heart rate to pick up. “Seriously, pretty girl. Go shower, do your hair, whatever you want to. I’ll wait.”
-
Remus only has to wait a half hour before you come back down to the living room and he thinks you’re as beautiful as ever when he sees you.
You’re in a pair of white washed overalls and a cute top underneath that has flowers embroidered on the sleeves and your hair is down.
“M’ready,” you say as you shove your feet into a pair of sneakers and Remus stands.
“I took everyone’s snack orders and I think Sirius and Marlene are gonna be sunburnt by the time we get back.”
You’re confused as to what he means till you walk outside and spot them sleeping on the porch’s swing set.
“Maybe the sun will have pity on them.” You doubt it will.
Remus insists on letting you sit in the trolley as you shop, “Someone has to sit, usually it’s Sirius,” he explains as he helps you into the trolley, “but someone has to.”
Ten minutes into being carted around, you come to realise you love it.
You’re sitting in the basket, grabbing bags of crisps, chocolates and two sacks of flour that make Remus raise his eyebrow.
“I’m making dinner,” you say and Remus shakes his head.
“This is supposed to be a vacation; for everyone.” There’s a hidden meaning behind that but you choose not to dwell on Remus’ kind words.
“But I was gonna make a steak and ale pie,” you say as you reach for a tin of vanilla sugar. “And vanilla buns for dessert.”
“That’s all, pretty girl. I want you to relax too, you don’t have to cook for us all weekend.”
“But I like doing it,” you try to argue but Remus stands firm.
“Tonight only, I’ll make breakfast tomorrow.”
“What about dinner tomorrow night?” you ask with a mischievous glint in your eyes and Remus scoffs but it sounds more like a chuckle.
“We’ll figure that out then,” he puts an extra crate of eggs beside you and sneaks a small tub of vanilla extract too.
Remus pays before you can swipe your card and levels you with a look that says, ‘too slow,’ but it also makes your belly swim with something else.
All your friends always leave you to pick up the tab when you go out and while you don’t mind, you can’t remember the last time someone even offered to pay for a meal for you - even on a date.
By the time dinner’s ready, you’re all a little buzzed on beer and have all ‘sampled’ a bun before dinner.
Dinner with your new friends is different to how it is at home. Everyone talks, shares odd stories and makes jokes. There’s no tense silence, no awkward questions to try to lead into conversation- just genuine conversation that makes your heart swell a little.
“Movie night?” Marls asks as Remus and James wash the dishes- they both insisted after you cooked.
“What do you usually watch?” Lily asks and Marlene smiles. She’s the one that came up with this movie rotation all those years ago.
“Horror, comedy and then animation,” she says excitedly, “We haven’t made it to animation in years though, someone falls asleep halfway through the comedy.” She looks pointedly at you and Sirius and Lily’s eyes follow.
“She always chooses ‘The Hangover.’ We've seen it too many times now.”
“Well, we can’t have that. Lily you choose the comedy this time,” Sirius says and you nod pointing to the tv.
“There’s some stuff on dvd there and I think we’ve got the streaming set up already.”
You leave for another shower while they decide, changing into your pyjamas and slipping into your bunny bedroom slippers.
“What did you guys choose?” you ask as you sit beside a freshly showered Remus- his hair is damp and he smells like oranges.
“Insidious, Grown ups and Monsters Inc.” James says, sliding the first dvd in while Marlene comes back in with three bowls of popcorn.
“Monsters Inc?” you murmur, hands wringing in your lap as Remus accepts the bowl. He’s sporting a frown as your hands seem to be wrung to all hell.
“Yeah, haven’t seen it in years.” Marls says and you nod, plastering a smile on your face as you take a couple kernels of popcorn.
“You okay?” Remus whispers and you nod, stuffing your mouth so you don’t say anything out of turn.
All through the horror, he can tell you’re on edge from more than just fear. It gets worse when everyone is wide awake during the comedy.
“I’m gonna put the kettle on, anyone want anything?” You ask, twisting the joints of your fingers to crack them.
Marlene looks at you funny, leans her head off the sofa and mouths, ‘You okay?’ To which you nod.
She frowns but you only glare back and she drops it.
There’s a chorus of requests that you mutter to yourself all the while to the kitchen- James wants another bun, Lily a cup of tea, Sirius wants his gummy bears, Marls wants Swedish fish and Remus wants nothing so you’re bringing him a cup of tea as well.
You’re not alone for three minutes before Remus joins you.
He looks tired, like the day’s drive has worn him down, but he grants you a smile anyhow.
“Came to help you,” you doubt that’s the only reason he’s in the kitchen- you’re not good at keeping your emotions off your face it seems.
“You’re missing the movie,” you point out just as the kettle whistles.
Remus shrugs and takes to pouring water over the tea bag in your cup and two others. “Sugar?” He asks, looking up at you to find you sitting on the counter, swinging your legs as you dip your hand in the bag of Swedish fish.
“Two please,” but your voice is anything but regular.
“I’ll be two minutes,” Remus promises as he takes everything back to the living room.
You’re alone with your thoughts for a little, reminiscing on when you were a kid and you used to come here with your parents.
You’re so deep in thought you don’t notice Remus is back till he’s standing right between your legs.
“What’s eating you?” He asks softly, hands on the counter right beside your thighs.
You shrug, not sure how much is the right amount to share.
There’s not much in terms of ‘loyalty’ between you and your family, but it feels wrong to speak ill of them because sometimes they’re not bad- sometimes they’re the best people ever, and then they ruin it by being mean for months.
“Pretty girl,” Remus’ tone is still patient, still soothing and you make up your mind quickly.
“Can I tell you after the movies? I’ll show you the lake too.”
Remus studies you for a moment, hazel eyes scanning your face intensely before he relents.
“Only if you’ll wear a sweater,”
By the time Monsters Inc is on, you’re clenching your fists under your butt and forcing yourself to at least look like you’re paying attention.
“I haven’t seen this in forever!” Marlene says excitedly, and you smile, a fake one but it’s soft enough that she doesn’t question it.
“Neither have I,” you say back, Lily making comments of it being her childhood favourite falls on deaf, buzzing ears as Boo attaches herself to Sully.
Your mood only gets worse and about three quarters way through, Remus can’t bear to see your mixed emotions any longer and guides your head to his chest.
“Just pretend you’re asleep, dove.” He whispers and you close your eyes. If he feels tears wetting his shirt when Mr. Waternews is found out and Sully and Mike realise who they’re working for, Remus doesn’t say a word.
He doesn’t say anything when the tears become worse when Sully and Mike remake Boo’s door and say goodbye to her; he just wipes them away as discreetly as he can.
Your friends file off to bed shortly after the movie ends and a quick clean up, but you’re not so lucky. You’d promised Remus a talk and a tour, and honestly, you need it.
“C’mon,” you gesture for Remus to follow you after he gives you his sweater, and you slip into your shoes.
“Here,” he hands you a fresh cup of tea as he opens the door for you.
Remus embraces the silence of the first few steps and waits you out until you sigh.
“We used to come here, for the summer back when it was just me, my mum and my dad,” the words hang there, only the wind touches it as you consider what else you should say.
“It used to be fun, we’d go out on the boat, and have a bonfire and go out on the lake- it’s where this whole tradition started actually,”
You hazard a glance at Remus and find him looking at you carefully.
“I haven’t watched Monsters Inc, since the last time we came here.”
Remus sighs, “How old were you then?”
You take a sip of your tea, “I think six? Maybe seven,” he blows a breath. “I’ve tried watching it on my own after, but it was always me and my dad’s show. It was our thing, I was Boo, he was Sully- but then, I don’t know what happened if I’m honest.”
Your eyes shine with tears in the moonlight as you lead Remus to the dock.
You sit and pull your knees up to your chest, the hem of Remus’s sweater covering your shins as you lay your cheek on your knees.
“We used to be really close and now I think he wishes he’d never had kids. Especially if we try doing or saying things he doesn’t agree with.”
Remus tugs you close to his side when the first tear falls, his hand on your shoulder as he squeezes you close.
“From what little I’ve seen, he seems… intense.” Is the word Remus goes for, and you can tell it’s to be polite.
You nod, “You can’t put a hair out of place with him- it’s practically a cardinal rule to always be perfect.”
Remus sighs, “That’s an unattainable goal, perfection.”
You shrug as you rough up your cheeks to rid them of tears. “I don’t think he really cares, and then sometimes,” you pause, not sure if you should or even can get the words out to tell Remus.
“You don’t have to say more, pretty girl. I get what you mean to say.”
Remus doesn’t ask anything else or anything of you and it’s refreshing to get to put down all the pretending and the chipper, and the unwavering happiness and just be.
“He’s just a lot and it’s hard to know which version of him you’re gonna get.”
Remus rubs your shoulder and your arm, “I’m sorry, dove.”
You stay out till your tea goes cold and you’re yawning so much Remus is laughing softly every time.
“C’mon, let’s get you to bed, precious girl.” Your belly swims at the nickname, only Remus seems to shower you in them- outside of Marls.
“Will you stay with me again? You don’t have to, there’s a room for everyone if you’d prefer to sleep on your own.”
Remus would’ve said yes even if you didn’t look so shy and sleepy and if you didn’t wear his sweater like it was something commonplace- though he figured if you wore it once more, that it would be a habit he would be insanely fond of.
“I’ll stay with you, lead the way.”
-
You wake up in a tangle of limbs and your face tucked neatly away in Remus’ neck. He somehow smells better now, a mix of your laundry detergent, his orange soap and sleep.
He’s also warm in a way that makes you cosy up even closer to him.
“Stop moving, pretty girl,” Remus’ voice is gravelly and raspy, his arms lock around you a little tighter as he holds you still.
“Sorry,” you murmur, a yawn ripping apart the apology. “Did you sleep okay? I didn’t move too much?”
Remus shakes his head and stretches, his limbs cracking as he does so.
“Slept great. You were still as anything,” he finally opens his eyes, the usually hazel eyes seem more honeyed and warm in the morning light. “Come closer, you’re warm.” He says and you chuckle.
“I usually get told I run cold,” Remus shakes his head and tugs you closer by your waist.
“You’re toasty,” you both just lay in silence as you allow yourselves to wake up slowly.
You hear noises around the house as everyone else wakes up and you sigh.
“Time to get a move on, Remmy.”
He groans, “Can’t they entertain themselves?”
You laugh, “They could, but I’m hungry.”
Remus gets out of bed with no complaints and gets ready for the day before heading downstairs before you.
“Favourite type of pancake?” He asks and you hum, your steps aligning as you descend into the kitchen.
“Can you do the one with the sprinkles mixed in?” Remus nods, and sets about getting the ingredients while everyone else busy themselves with cups of tea.
Remus makes yours for you, exactly like you like it, and Marlene eyes you over her cup of tea.
“Bubbles, c’mere a second?” She motions you both out the door and Remus and Sirius watch you both curiously while James and Lily cuddle up on the sofa.
When you’re outside and at the flowers, she fills the watering can and squeals, “What’s going on with you and Moony?”
You shrug, rolling your eyes as you take the full watering can and start watering the plants.
“Nothing’s going on,” you say- which might be true. It also might not be true, because something is definitely going on; you’re friends but you feel like a little more than friends. Like you’re in the liminal space between friends and more than friends.
“Oh yeah? So you’re just wearing his sweater and he’s spent the night in your room?”
You fail to hide your smile at her question and she laughs maniacally.
“I knew it!”
You stop her before she can get ahead of herself, “Nothing’s happened, we’ve just been talking and getting to know each other,”
“In all the ways.” Marlene’s eyebrows dance at her statement and you shake your head- mostly to dispel heat from your face.
“No, I asked him to spend the night in my room. He said yes, there was nothing else.”
Her eyes narrow, “No ‘good morning’ cuddles or kisses? You know you’re the only one with cute nicknames from him?”
You scoff, Marlene rolls her eyes, “‘Pretty girl’, ‘dove’, you’ve noticed only you get such nice names from Remus? He’s not exactly as forthcoming with it to anyone else.”
You ponder it for a while, sipping the remainder of your tea as you water the last plant.
“I like that he listens and he’s easy to talk to. And I feel like myself- like there’s no pretending when I’m with him, but I’ve also known him for maybe four months at best.”
Marlene touches your shoulder, “It’s not like you to go all in all at once, and that’s okay. Just don’t rush to label four months as not enough time- if you like him, and you think he likes you; I know for certain he does, but I know you need to know it too, then let it flow yeah? What’s the worst that could happen if you just see where it goes?”
Before you can answer her, Remus comes looking for you out the front door, “Breakfast’s ready, dove. Come eat before it gets cold,” he says softly, “You too Marls, before Siri passes away at the fact that you’ve been gone twenty minutes.”
She sends you a pointed look as he goes inside, calling out to Sirius.
“What’s that look for?” He asks as he takes your empty cup from you.
“Marlene’s scheming,” you say with a smile and Remus groans.
“Please nothing like her schemes that involve jumping into pools drunk again.”
You have breakfast right beside Remus, like the day before- thighs pressed together as you eat.
He doesn’t have his own plate so you divide your stack between the two of you- which he only has a couple pieces of.
“Remus you’re having breakfast?” Sirius asks pointedly and you frown.
“Does he usually not?”
James shakes his head, “Mostly toast and coffee. Or clotted cream and scones when he can manage it- never really has an appetite in the morning, our Moony.”
You look aghast as you turn to Remus who looks sheepish.
“You could’ve said something! And here I’ve been feeding you breakfast without a single thought.”
Lily and Marlene smirk at your concern and the boys roll their eyes at Remus’ bashfulness.
“S’fine, I wouldn’t have eaten if I wasn’t feeling for breakfast.” A lie. Remus would eat at whatever time you were sharing food with him. It wouldn’t matter if he’d just come back from having lunch himself.
“Now I feel like I’ve forced you into having breakfast,” you say softly and Remus kicks the shins of both the boys and glares at them.
“None o’that,” he says equally as soft, still glaring at his friends who can’t help but smile at your reaction.
Sirius and James ruin the sweet moment by miming a kiss to Remus while you’re not looking and then getting kicked again which makes them groan.
“Are we going onto the lake today?” Lily asks to change the conversation and it works perfectly.
You delve into quick, animated conversation about what your supposed plan is- pack a picnic basket full of sandwiches, some drinks (alcoholic and nonalcoholic), a pavlova (that makes Remus raise his eyebrow- a silent conversation passing through you both, you wave him off) and then head to the dock and get on the boat and find a nice spot to swim.
Remus helps you with the pavlova, cutting the fruit and making the whipped cream while you set it in the oven to bake.
“What kind of sandwiches did you want, dove?” You put the last of the dishes in the drying rack as you turn to find Remus getting the bread, condiments and toppings on the counter.
“Whatever you guys like. I just need one cucumber sandwich and one with tomatoes, meat, cheese and crisps.”
Remus nods and gets started, when you reach for the cling wrap he tuts.
“Go get dressed, I can do it by myself.”
“How rude would that be? I’m the host.” Remus sets the knife down after he cuts the sandwiches in halves.
“Pretty girl,” he traps you between the counter and himself. Your chests pressed together. “I told you in the shops, you’re not cooking for us all weekend. It’s a vacation for you too- go get dressed, do whatever you need to do, and then come back down when you’re done and ready to go, yeah?”
His eyes remain glued to yours, the intensity of his soft words bleeding into your veins and replacing your blood as it starts racing through you.
You narrow your eyes still, “Has anyone ever called you ‘bossy’ before?” You ask but still make your way to the steps.
“Your cookies are on your dresser, have a whole one if you like.” He says as you retreat, chuckling when you squeal happily.
James finds Remus stocking the picnic basket and approaches him with a smirk.
“You like ‘er don’t you, Moons?”
Remus frowns, “I’d like it if you and Pads didn’t mouth off about me not liking breakfast and making her feel bad.”
James whistles lowly. “Sorry ‘bout that. But you do, don’t you? Like her I mean.”
Remus sighs, “Yes, I suspect I do. It’s becoming a little more than like rather quickly though.”
James shrugs and steals a crisp from the half done packet. “S’nothing wrong with that. Told Lils I loved her like a month into dating- best decision I ever made.”
Remus wants to go back and forth with James about the differences between you and Lily, and then he realises, he really can’t.
No one besides him, and probably Marlene, knows the situation of your home and how that factors into things- he’s better waiting it out.
Remus finds waiting it out might be extremely difficult when you come down in a sunshine yellow and orange bikini top and a pair of Jean shorts that reveal a naval piercing and a set of waist beads that compliment your skin perfectly.
Your hair is up in a claw clip, some pieces out and framing your face and your glasses are replaced with shades. You’ve forgone all your jewellery, but you still look stunning.
His heart stops for a second when he catches the scent of your toffee butter perfume.
“You look like a sunrise,” is the first thing out his mouth and you giggle. A tinkling, windchime-ish sound that lights your entire face.
“Thank you, Remus. I’ll set everything in the boat while you go get ready, thank you for packing the basket.”
James watches the exchange silently, more and more he finds the evidence that you and Remus are falling for each other to be extremely obvious.
Remus leaves with a kiss to your forehead and it takes all your self control not to touch your hairline as you pick up the basket.
“James, do you want to be our captain for the day?” You ask as you open the sliding door.
“Oh of course! Lead the way and I’ll take over the helm immediately.”
The moment you anchor the boat, you’re all diving in- except Remus who sits with his legs dangled in.
“Maybe when the sun starts getting a little lower,” he had said and you didn’t want to force him to do another thing. Remus was much more content to sit and stare at you swimming and having a water fight with Marlene as he drank one of the beers from the cooler.
After about an hour of roughhousing, you paddle over to his legs and climb up beside him.
Dripping wet, you reach for a peach iced tea and one half of the sandwich with crisps and take a bite.
“Want your towel?” Remus asks as he notices gooseflesh erupt on your arms and legs.
“No thanks, don’t wanna get it sopping wet before it’s time to leave.”
You take another bite when Remus says, “I’d just give you mine, dove.”
It makes your heart sink and soar at the same time- the way he proposes going without just so you’d be comfortable. It makes you think of the way he’d been having breakfast just because you shared with him.
No one’s ever been so nice, without expectations before.
“You’re sweet Remus, but I’m okay,” you lay your head on his shoulder as you finish off the sandwich and take a sip of your drink.
“Can I ask you something personal?” He asks softly, eyes on your friends as they start a swim race.
“Yeah, course.”
Remus takes a moment to collect his thoughts, takes a moment to choose his words carefully.
“Why doesn’t Marlene know anything?” It’s been something running laps in his kind since his conversation with James in the kitchen.
Your breath hitches and Remus is about to apologise when you start explaining, “She knows some stuff. Like the stuff about me and my family not having a good relationship- she’s seen some of the fights,”
You take another sip, “But I’ve been careful not to have any visible bruises when I’m with her. It’s hard to explain,” you take a deep breath before saying, “And it’s a little embarrassing to have your dad still being abusive to you after being a kid.”
Remus nods, saying nothing for a while and then, “I hope you know it’s not a reflection of yourself and you shouldn’t be embarrassed by his actions.”
You don’t go back out in the water after that, instead you lay on the boat’s floor with Remus with your toes dipped into the water.
“Can I ask you a personal question, Remus?”
Your voice is soft, your hands occupied with tracing the silvery lines of his scars that race up his arms.
“Anything,” he says earnestly.
“What are your parents like?” He smiles, an image of his mum already in his mind.
“My mum’s like me, quiet, shy, a massive reader. She’s very gentle too- I don’t think Hope has a mean bone in her body. She’s a big baker like you are, she’d love spending all day in the kitchen.”
You smile unconsciously, she sounds like Remus. “She’s also very fiercely protective of whoever she loves. It’s like pack animal loyalty with ‘er.”
“She sounds like you,” you say quietly, turning to look at him and finding Remus eyes laying on you already. “Gentle and kind; very warm.”
“Alright lovers, cut the pavlova and let’s crack some beers.” Sirius hollars as he boards the boat again, his wet hands reaching for his towel as he scrubs his hair roughly.
“You have such a way with words, Black.” Lily says sarcastically as she helps you take the pavlova out and dress it up with the cream and fruit.
You all eat your bellies full on the boat, the pavlova and sandwiches done just as the sun begins to set.
There’s a lethargy that engulfs the boat as you take the helm for the return trip.
“James it’s fine, you’re more tired than I am,” You say to him, his eyes are barely open and that reminds you that you haven’t had your cookie yet. “Remus, can you get me the cookie from the basket? I forgot to take it when we got here.”
“The edible?” He asks as he retrieves it from the picnic basket anyways.
“Mhm! Thank you,” you reach for it with one hand as the other is glued to the steering wheel of the boat as you turn it around.
“M’not giving it to you while you operate a vehicle.” Remus says as he holds it closer to him.
“Remus, it’s a ten minute boat drive back to the dock.”
He shrugs, “Wait ten minutes then, these are strong.”
You frown, grumbling under your breath at his strictness. “You’re so stern and strict.” He hears you say it and smiles.
“Yup, but I’ll make you a deal- you can have it if you let me drive,” you shake your head.
“You’ve already done enough for today,” Remus rolls his eyes.
“I’m also the only one of us that didn’t swim today,” you falter then.
“Come over here and take it so I can drive,” he says but you shake your head again.
Remus decides he’d rather use intense flirtation tactics to get you to sit and have your cookie and continue relaxing.
His hand reaches for your exposed waist, his fingers stroking your skin there and then slipping under the waist beads.
Your breath catches in your throat.
“Pretty girl,” he starts lowly, voice much more raspy than usual. The way he stares so intently at you makes your belly erupt in butterflies. “Come sit over here and have your cookie so I can drive us back, hm?”
Your friends watch you both with rapt attention, whispers of the two of you ‘fighting like an old couple’ lost between the heat of his actions and the thrumming under your skin from his attention.
The calluses on his fingers tickle your skin softly, more gooseflesh raising on your skin as you stop the boat and get lost in his touch.
“Remus,” you mumble, your resolve already crumpled to nothing. “You play dirty,” you say quietly as you switch places with him and receive your cookie with a dazzling Remus Lupin smile- which is just a quiet smile that shows his teeth.
“Don’t know what you mean.”
You finish your cookie and your bottle of water just as Remus docks, your friends filing off the boat with their arms full of things as they go to the showers- all of you too tired for any other activities.
“You good to be by yourself for twenty minutes, dove?” Remus asks as he helps you dismount from the boat.
Your eyes are already droopy, your movements more sluggish than normal.
“Yeah, I’m gonna shower and wash my hair and go to sleep.” You slur some of the words, your tongue too heavy for how fast you want to speak.
“Sleeping by yourself tonight?” Remus asks kindly, closing the door behind you and locking up before you set the alarm.
“Um,” you start, stretching as you make your way to the stairs, “Would you mind staying? I like sleeping next to you.” Remus feels his stomach knot at the confession.
Your high allows your tongue a little freedom, “When you’re there I don’t have nightmares.”
“Is that why you asked if you’d moved a lot?”
You nod, a timidity to you. “Yeah, I usually wake up super anxious or with a massive adrenaline rush that takes ages to wane.” Then as if you’ve only just remembered, “But you can sleep in your room if you want an entire bed to yourself.”
Remus coos, “I’ll share a bed with you again, princess.”
You wrinkle your nose at the nickname and Remus laughs, walking behind you as you climb the stairs.
“What?” He asks as you open your bedroom door.
“That feels like such a pretentious nickname,” you admit and Remus shakes his head.
“What if that’s what I think of you? That you’re regal enough to be a princess?”
You scowl, “I prefer pretty girl,” you say softly as you lay out your pyjamas on your bed.
“You like the reinforcement of the truth?” He teases and you groan, rubbing your face as Remus laughs.
“Go shower Remus, you’re too much right now.”
Twenty minutes later, you’re putting away your blow dryer as Marlene opens your bedroom door.
“You okay?” You ask her as she climbs into your bed.
“I’m perfect, Bubbles. Want you to do me a favour, though.”
You raise your eyebrows as you smooth oil through your hair. “What kind of favour?”
Marlene approaches you, kisses your forehead and whispers, “Let yourself fall for him. He takes care of you, you let yourself smile for real when he’s around. Four months don’t mean a thing.”
She leaves just as Remus opens the door and he frowns.
“Did I interrupt something?” He asks gently, ready to call Marlene back and swap with her so you two can chat more and he’d stay with Sirius.
“Nope, everything’s perfect. Except for the fact that I’m not asleep yet, I’m beat.”
Remus shakes his head as he shuts your door, climbing into the bed beside you.
“Oh are you?” You nod, oblivious to his teasing as you scoot closer to him.
“So tired. I think tomorrow we’re going to start lunch late so I can sleep in some more.”
Remus lays still as you get comfortable, laying your head on his chest and draping an arm over his stomach. “Sleep as long as you need, dove. The boys and I can cover the bar-b-que.” He has just enough time to plant a kiss to the bridge of your nose before you’re asleep. Remus can’t help but sigh and squeeze you a little tighter to him as he relaxes under you.
-
The next morning you’re not awoken by the sun in your eyes or by Remus moving under you. Instead, it’s the rain beating down on the roof that rouses you from sleep.
Remus isn’t under you, you’re alone in bed but the spot where he’d been laying all night is still warm and sunken- as if he’s just left.
Groggily, you pull your hair back and out of your face, move through your morning routine and trudge down the steps as you fit your glasses on your face.
“Morning,” you say to Marlene as you pass her by the breakfast nook, making your way immediately for a glass of water.
“How’d you sleep?” She asks with a girn.
“Good, till the rain.”
She nods, Lily and James coming downstairs shortly after, “This puts soup on the menu instead of bar-b-que?” James asks and you shrug.
“If you guys want that we can do it instead, I’d probably just need to run to the store and get the vegetables we might not have.”
Putting on the kettle you look around and find Sirius and Remus missing.
“Where’s your lover boy?” You ask Marlene as you toss two tea bags into your mug.
“Same place as yours,” she teases. “They’ve been hotboxing Remus’ car for the last half hour.”
You shake your head with a smile, “What’re we doing about breakfast?”
Marlene and James exclaim at the same time, “Breakfast hash!”
You and Lily look at each other, “Londoners.” She says teasingly and James flushes, pressing a sweet kiss to her lips before joining Marlene in getting the potatoes, eggs and sausages for the hash.
Remus and Sirius appear just as breakfast is done, their shoulders and hair wet from the rain as the walk into the kitchen.
Remus hangs over your shoulder, his cheek nuzzling into yours. The wet tips of his hair draw messy lines of water down your neck.
“Sorry I wasn’t there when you got up.” He whispers, you smile.
“S’okay, how was your smoke?”
“Good, need a shower though. S’all stuck to my clothes.”
Remus goes and comes back in ten minutes, smelling more citrusy and minty as he comes to sit beside you.
You don’t share half your breakfast with him as you eat, and he frowns. With a not so stealthy hand, he steals a potato wedge.
“There’s still some in the pot,” James tells him but he doesn’t get up.
Instead, he continues stealing off your plate with a smirk. When you’ve finished, he takes your plate and fills it again, this time sharing with you.
“You finish it,” you say to Remus, leaning your head on his arm as he eats.
The rest of your friends watch silently, eyes a little wide at how seamlessly you and Remus seem to be moving with one another.
“What kind of soup did you want to make, James?” You ask, directing your attention to him as he stacks Lily’s plate in his.
“Something hearty,” Sirius says, his own head presses against Marlene’s chest. “I want something hearty. Like beef soup.”
James chuckles and you smile, “Beef soup then,” he says and you nod.
“I’ll probably have to get carrots, some more potatoes and the beef then.”
Remus hums, “I’ll go with you, can’t be driving in this weather.”
You roll your eyes, “You’ve just smoked, Remus. You’re not driving anywhere,” you turn to Marlene, “Wanna go with me? Lily you too?”
The girls nod immediately and you all rush to go get ready, leaving the boys at home to entertain themselves.
“So,” Lily starts as you pull out of the driveway- Remus had moved his car out of the way and moved yours back so it would be easy for you to reverse out into the street.
“You and Remus are getting cosy.” She says and Marlene screeches.
“Thank you! Someone else sees it!”
You shake your head, “We’re just friends. Nothing has happened.”
Marlene rolls her eyes, “Because you’re not doing anything. He was eating off your plate at breakfast without invitation- might I remind you.”
Lily nods, “And he’s been extra smooth and affectionate with you! He never shared his clothes so easily- not even with the boys.”
You bite your lip and deliberate on their words. “What should I do then?”
You spend the half hour drive to the supermarket trading plans and tactics and by the time you enter the supermarket you have a clear game plan.
“Do you think it’ll work?” You’re not sure why you’re so nervous to put the moves on Remus, but your palms are sweaty as you hold the basket and the girls load it up.
“Oh, it’ll fucking drive him wild,” Lily promises. “He almost lost his mind when he saw you in the swim suit, he’s going to proper well lose it when we get back.”
When you get back to the cottage, the boys are watching the game, all the dishes are washed and the kettle’s whistling off.
“We got everything, who wants to start?” Marlene asks, dropping herself in Sirius’ lap, watching coyly as you carry the bags to the kitchen and Remus stands up immediately.
“I’ll start it,” you say and he grumbles.
“You’re not, go sit.” He takes the bags from you and sets about cleaning the meat and filling a stock pot with water.
“I’m serious, dove,” Remus says as you make it to the fridge to take out the onions and garlic.
“I’m just getting the ingredients out,” you say gently and Remus narrows his eyes at you. You set the stuff down on the counter, and when Remus turns his back you get a knife and start chopping.
“Dove,” he says shortly, looking back at you as he sets the beef to brown.
“Remus,” you mimic his tone and he scoffs, walking towards you. “What are you doing?” You ask as he stands beside you, waiting patiently for you to finish chopping the carrots and onions.
“Sending you to relax, because you can’t seem to listen.”
He takes the knife from you and you pout.
“I’d feel better if I was helping you though,” you say to him all while batting your eyelashes.
Marlene and Lily had told you to amp up the banter and the teasing just to push Remus along a little.
“Pretty girl,” he starts, but you hop up on the counter top and hold onto his wrists. You massage the thin skin of his wrist, Remus watches you with quirked eyebrows.
“Can’t I just stay here? I’ll just watch you, I don’t wanna watch the game.”
You blink slowly at him and Remus melts.
“God, you’re a fucking minx aren’t you?” He murmurs, moving his hands to hold the dough of your thighs. It’s only then he lets himself take in your outfit and he swears his brain nearly short circuits.
You’re in another pair of shorts, a much softer and breathier material than the denim ones, and a crocheted, purple bikini top. You’ve got your chains all layered and hanging between your boobs, crystals and turtles all hanging over each other, and Remus needs a minute to think about something else so he doesn’t get a hard on.
“Don’t know what you mean,” you pop a carrot slice between your teeth and Remus groans.
“Sure you don’t,” he narrows his eyes, hands squeezing your thighs as you swing your legs either side of his hips. “You’re not as innocent as you let on, princess.”
You roll your eyes but Remus sees the way your body reacts to the nickname and smirks.
“I’m the most innocent,” you jut your chin to the stove. “Don’t let your beef burn.”
Remus shakes his head, turning to tend to the stove. He feels your eyes track his every move, and can’t help but feel a type of tingle trail down his spine- more so when you hop off the counter and fit yourself right behind him.
Your hand rests on his back, your fingers spreading against his spine making him shudder.
“You need to take a walk, pretty girl,” he murmurs, adding the spices to the pot and covering it to start the simmer.
“With you? Of course I do.” Remus chuckles and turns quickly, using his hips to angle you against the space near the fridge.
“What’re you playing at, dove?” His hands fall to your hips, holding the supple skin there as he looks at you.
You lift a coy shoulder, “Nothing, you’re not a game.”
Remus smirks, “Neither are you,” you smile at the ease of his words. “But, I know what you’re trying to do.”
You frown, eyebrows knitted together. “What am I trying to do?”
Remus leans into you, his nose brushing yours. The way you lean up into him is too natural, Remus wants to chuckle, but you smell like caramel, vanilla and something musky that makes you intoxicating. It clouds his head, especially when you tip your chin up and he gets an even stronger scent of it.
“What am I trying to do, Remus?” Your hands sling behind his neck, your fingers climbing and winding into the hair at the nape of his neck.
“Rush my plans,” he whispers, your breaths mingling as he bumps your noses together again. He plays a mean tease and brushes your lips then pulls away the moment you try to meet him.
“You’re no fun.” You deduce and he laughs, kissing the corner of your mouth as he pulls away.
“You’ve no patience, princess,” he pats your butt, relishing in your scowl at the nickname. “Go sit down or have a smoke- you’re banned from the kitchen for the rest of the day.”
“You like to boss me around don’t you?” You ask as you open the fridge and take out the bottle of passion fruit juice.
“You like me bossing you around, don’t play coy, pretty girl.”
Remus blows you a teasing kiss as you walk out the kitchen with the glass of juice and you decide that you’ll be upping your game starting then on.
419 notes · View notes
katsuizu-stuff · 6 months
Text
Katsuki Doesn’t Want To See Izuku Die
I genuinely wholeheartedly believe that one of Katsuki biggest fears when it comes with his relationship with Deku is that Katsuki does not under any circumstances want to see Deku die
I genuinely wholeheartedly one hundred percent stand by this and no one can change my mind
Any if you’re a person who still says What about what Bakugo said to Deku, “Take a swan dive off a roof of a building”? If you don’t know anything about character development then I feel sorry for you
Katsuki has had so much character development, just like any other MHA character, but Katsuki character development is beautiful and outstanding
And if you want to disagree then you can but a very big indicator about what I’m talking about is the hospital scene/moment in S6
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Sato and Mineta are trying to hold him back because he’s injured he needs to recover and yet Katsuki is refusing to go back to his hospital room and rest
Katsuki is yelling at them “Shut up! Make me fight you and I’ll be even more likely to drop dead” to which Sato says, “Why do you have to be so stubborn about everything, dude? There’s nothing you can do to help right now.” along with Mineta “Didn’t you hear a word Sero said?” and he ends up thinking to himself “That bastard. If he dies, I’ll kill him”
And it’s even before this scene/moment that when Katsuki woke up he instantly remembered back to Deku almost getting stabbed to which he saved him along with the fact that he says “Deku” as well as when Katsuki asked about everyone else about their situation/conditions Sero refused to tell Katsuki about Deku first
Sero personally saved to tell Katsuki about Deku’s situation/condition because Sero knew he would’ve reacted the way Katsuki did
Katsuki ask, “Deku and Todoroki? Mr. Aizawa, Endeavor, and all the others. What happened to everybody?” to which Sero says, “I’ll tell you, ‘kay? But you gotta try to stay calm.”
Sero said he would tell Katsuki everything under one simple condition that Katsuki has to stay calm
And so Sero tells Katsuki everything, “Todoroki’s burned bad and Mr. Aizawa has some serious injuries, but they’ll both pull through. Everyone else has regained consciousness except…” Sero then stops for a moment and continues telling Katsuki about Izuku “The doctors said Midoriya hasn’t shown any signs of waking up.”
Sero as a fellow classmate and a friend towards Katsuki knows that Katsuki cares for Izuku in one way or another hence Sero telling Katsuki about Izuku last
There are of course other moments that proof that Katsuki doesn’t want to see Izuku die
It may seem silly or simply sound silly but Katsuki doesn’t even want to see Izuku die mentally and emotionally either
When Izuku left U.A. Katsuki states that this is the worst case scenario. That no one besides him truly knows Izuku to an extent as much as Katsuki does
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Which is why Katsuki looks so relieved that he finally found Izuku. Katsuki found Izuku before he ‘died’ not physically but mentally and emotionally. Katsuki found Izuku before all of Izuku’s hope can fall/die into ash
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If we continue then there is also the moment in the camp arc in S3
Izuku is running to save Katsuki knowing he is beat up to a point where Aizawa says that Izuku is only running on adrenaline nothing else
Once Izuku comes across with Katsuki and Todoroki his one thing on his mind is to protect Katsuki by any means necessary
And then the moment the L.O.V reveal that they still have Katsuki Izuku still has in mind to save Katsuki even if it means that Izuku has to break himself even more than he already is
And Katsuki fears that more than he feared to be taken away at that very moment he doesn’t says “Stay back… Deku” just to simply say it
Katsuki has fear written on his face and his eyes for what Izuku would do next
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Katsuki’s body moved on it own for the exact same reason Izuku’s did Katsuki didn’t want to see Izuku die before his eyes not when Katsuki is so close to him. Katsuki’s body, his mind, his soul, his heart, his over all existence didn’t want to see Izuku get stabbed to where it could be Izuku’s last battle and his last breath
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Even in the second MHA movie Izuku is beat up his arms are busted and when Izuku calls out to Katsuki the way Katsuki sees Izuku is heartbreaking I mean just look at his face the way Katsuki’s eyes go wide knowing that Izuku could die along with his true dream of wanting to be a hero
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And even in Katsuki last moments his only thought was Izuku not his family, not his classmates/friends, not his teacher’s it was only Izuku adding on to this Katsuki was so shocked to hearing ShigAFO says that the only thing that’s interesting about Katsuki is that Katsuki is the closest to Izuku than anybody else
Katsuki doesn’t want to see Deku die in any way shape or form not physically, not mentally, not emotionally Katsuki doesn’t even want Izuku’s dream of being a hero to die Katsuki doesn’t want that to happen at all
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lowgothree · 2 months
Text
009. ༺ALWAYS, ALWAYS༻∘
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a/n: last chapter why am i kinda sad, lol😬
summary: after getting unexpectedly left by your roommate, you find yourself in need of a replacement.
contents: happy ending 🥳. smut (am i going to hell for this? idk probably). reader is damn near mute at the start. they're both so very down bad. l-bombs. this is almost double the length of the other chapters so y'all better love me.
previous. next. masterlist.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
she half expected you to shut the door in her face. she wouldn’t have blamed you if you did — but you didn’t. you opened the door and you’re listening. 
what she thought she could get from olivia, that same thing she’d been craving and fighting for years, she gets so easily with you. just by your eyes meeting hers. you’re looking at her again — albeit in annoyance and hurt — but it’s still you and it’s still her. how it’s supposed to be. and there it is again. that feeling she had been uselessly chasing with olivia –– that pull. a feeling she only gets with you. she’s addicted to it. the way her heart begins to beat faster, how her eyes seem to be fixated on your pretty face, the way her body reposes in the wake of you. she feels so alive when she’s near you. 
she whispers your name, unlike the last time you’d heard her say it –– guilt ridden and shameful –– she says it in pure relief. her shoulders visibly relax when you don’t shut the door on her. she visibly relaxes at just the sight of you. as if her time away from her took away her ability to breathe and seeing you again, right in front of her and beautifully you, gave her back her air. 
“she isn’t you…” paige repeats, longing for you to say something. anything.
“what do you want me to say, paige?” you roll your eyes. “you want her? go have her.”
“i don’t.” she shakes her head, stepping forward, close enough that she could almost feel that familiar warmth of your body again. “i want you.”
her gaze disrupts any calm you might’ve felt. her words cleave the quiet. it leaves you silent. completely silent. 
“you were right. i was running…because i was scared.” she swallows thickly and you pause. she was scared? “but i’m not afraid anymore. i’m done running. i’m here and i won’t leave again. never again.”
“scared of what?” you almost don’t recognize your own voice, too in shock to process your words before they leave the gap between your lips.
“of this.” she gestures between the two of you. “i’ve never felt the way i do when i’m with you before. i just want another chance. i want to be yours and i want to spend the rest of my life making this up to you.” 
you hold your breath, remembering just how much you missed her. you missed her touch, her smell, her face, and the way she looked at you. you’re frozen at her words, at the tender look of desperation she gives you but you shake your head despite yourself. “i can’t be with you if you aren’t sure…”
the statement makes her heart sink. she had brought this on herself, she knew that. but it didn’t make it hurt any less. she doesn't like that she was the source of your anguish, it pained her. she’ll do anything to take that pain away. 
the frown on your face said it all; that she’d hurt you, that you were upset, and that you cared about her. that’s what she had relied on. it gives her the courage to reach out and touch you, to give herself that closeness she’d been craving since the minute she left. she grabs your waist and smiles at the way your body recognizes her touch. “i’m sure.” 
suddenly your mouth felt dry. sure, you had played this exact scenario over and over again in your head but you never expected it to actually happen. so you stay silent, desperately searching for words that never leave your mouth. 
“baby, i promise. i’m so sure. please.” she stresses, she’s sure. 
you’re staring at her, in shock and heart pounding, having a mental debate. holy shit say something. anything. but you can’t.
“just let me fix it…” she leans in, testing to see if you’ll pull away. you don’t. “let me deserve you.” 
you nod, finally able to speak again. finding yourself unable to deny her –– to deny yourself. “okay..”
and then she leans in more, letting her lips take their place on yours. she pulls you even closer and you walk backwards into the apartment, paige shuts the door behind herself. she pulls away from the kiss to smile at you. 
“i love you…” she whispers and you pause again, body almost malfunctioning. she what??
paige takes your silence as discomfort and immediately backs away from you with widened eyes. “oh…um, i’m sorry –– i mean, it’s true but you don’t have to say it back or anything i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable i just, fuck.”
you grab her hand, smiling softly at her. every hair on your body standing in the wake of her confession. “i love you too…”
at that moment paige feels almost every emotion; happiness at your words, anger at herself for running from this, guilt because she had hurt you. but you kiss all those thoughts away until her brain can only ideate one concrete picture: you. always you.
she can’t help it, she grabs your face and presses her lips to yours again. your kiss is hesitant. on one hand, she doesn’t deserve to taste you after what she’d done to you. on the other hand, she tastes so good. fuck, she taste like yours. 
she wanted to atone, to show you that she’d realized the error in her ways. she wanted you to forgive her completely for letting her fears hurt you. because you taught her something she’d never dreamed of learning before you. you taught her how to pay homage. 
“you know what else i missed?” she whispers in your ear making you laugh despite yourself. paige could always take the edge off. always able to make you laugh no matter the circumstances.
“i’m sure i could guess…” you let your hand reach underneath the hem of her hoodie so you could feel the bare skin of her waist.  she laughs too, with her whole chest and it’s beautiful. you’re just staring at her, basking in her euphoria and your heart swells. you’re in love bad.  “you’re so pretty…” you mumble, unable to stop yourself.
she smiles wide, all teeth and red cheeks. “stop…”
you shake your head. “no…you’re my girlfriend now so i can call you pretty as much i want to.”
her grin only seems to widen if possible and you can’t help but mirror it. “i love hearing that…”
“yeah?”
“mhm…i love hearing pretty much anything you say but especially that.” she kisses your jaw and you bring your hand from under her shirt to the back of her neck. “my girlfriend…” she whispers in awe and it makes you laugh again.
she starts to kiss your neck and your laughter immediately ceases. you also missed the sex. a lot.
you hold onto her for stability as your breathing quickens. “you never…told me what that other thing you missed was?”
“thought you were gonna guess?”
“i said i could guess.” you hum, pulling her face from your neck so you could hover your lips over hers. “but i wanna hear you say it.”
“well, you just forgave me so i wasn’t sure if it was a good time –– ”
“what do you have against makeup sex?” you tilt your head and she laughs. she doesn’t respond immediately but she places a chaste kiss on your mouth before she sucks in a breath.
“your room or mine?”
you don’t even answer her question. it doesn’t really matter, but hers is closer. you kiss her again as you back into her bedroom. 
she always liked being this close to you. close enough to hear your heavy breathing and to feel the warmth of your skin under her palms. she pulls you even closer. she gently pushes you down onto her bed, straddling you. “did you miss having me like this, baby?”
you shudder, nodding. “mhm…” and then you take a good look at her attire. “are you hot?”
she smirks. “you tell me.”
you roll your eyes. “you’re annoying.”
paige chuckles but nods. “yeah…normally it’s cold as shit in this apartment but for some reason it’s literally hell in here.”
“ac broke. and you’re kinda overdressed.” you lay back on her comforter, rubbing her thighs. “i’m surprised you didn’t say anything sooner. you love to complain.”
“i just got everything i want…i have nothing to complain about.” she smiles and then groans, not thinking twice about taking her hoodie off. “gotta get that fixed, babe…” she starts kissing up your neck and then tugs at your shirt for you to take it off.
you lift it over your head with a hum before laying back down so she can resume her kisses. “yeah. maintenance guy comes tomorrow.”
“good.” she nods in acknowledgement. “take off your pants.”
“i wanna touch you first…” you whisper but paige just shakes her head.
“no…i want to give you a proper apology.”
you chuckle. “well, i’m not gonna say no.”
you watch her body in anticipation as she climbs off of you and slowly takes your pants off. she settles between your legs, locking her arms around your waist to keep you pressed firmly down into the bed and your breathing quickens. she kisses your stomach and then both your thighs, sucking little reminders into the soft flesh so that you can remember how she felt tomorrow. it makes you squirm but her grip never falters.
“stop teasing.” you buck your hips but she holds you there. that’s another thing you loved about paige. she’s so strong. when she finally does put her mouth where you want it, she’s lazing about it. but still exact.
she eats you out with precision only a woman begging for forgiveness could have. you can’t help the sounds you’re making but you’re far too turned on to be embarrassed by them. 
it’s all you can do to slump in her hold and just watch her, the way her mouth devours you and the way her eyes watch your every reaction. the sight is so lewd you could cum from just watching her work.
“feels so good…” you mewl, clinging to the bed sheets so hard your fingers cramp. she looks up at you, reaching for your hand to lace your fingers with hers.
she knows it does. she learned exactly how to please you and she was proud of that. she knew exactly how you liked it.
she knows when you’re about to come. almost before you do. she makes sure to continue doing exactly what she’s doing because she knows that’s what you’d be begging her for if you could speak right now. but she’s happy all you can do is be pretty and take it. take her apology and cling onto her.
she rides it out for you, only pulling away when you’re too sensitive for her to keep going. she smiles at you. it’s smug.
“shut up…” your chest is heaving and there’s a thin layer of sweat coating your skin. she feels almost prideful that she did that to you. she gets the sudden, intense desire to touch you so she does. she reaches up to caress your cheek. 
“so beautiful…” her voice is starstruck again and you chuckle tiredly. 
“enough.” you whisper tiredly. “come here…your turn.”
she slowly moves closer to you, you lick your lips when you notice how red she is. how turned on she is just from pleasing you.
you help her out of her pants, and then you sit up so she can straddle you again. she hovers over you and you stare at her for a moment. “what do you want?”
she knows better than to be shy about it. she trusts you too much to be shy about it. “your fingers. please.”
you can’t help but snicker.
“please? when did you get manners?” 
“i’ve always had manners.” she mutters.
“you sure about that?”
she nods, eyes sparkling at you and you poorly attempt to bite back a smile. 
“cute…but save it for azzi or something.” you chuckle before you circle her clit with two fingers. she immediately groans and the sound is mesmerizing. “feel good?”
she nods again and you don’t even try to hide your smile this time. “how good?”
she sucks in a deep breath when you pick up your pace a little. “really good. don’t stop.”
“wasn’t planning on it.”
“i kinda expected you to get me all worked up and then leave me like this as punishment.” she half laughs, half whimpers.
“hmm…i didn’t think about that. maybe i should just –– “ you slip your fingers away from her and she whines but you chuckle softly. “i’m just kidding…i’d never do that to you.”
“and miss a chance to torture me? i don’t believe you.” she can barely speak in full sentences with how good your hand feels on her. 
“and miss a chance to see how pretty you look when you come?” you mock her tone of voice when you rebuttal.  “never.”
she moans, something she rarely does and this time it’s your turn to be smug. she hides her face in your neck, embarrassed by how quickly you can weaken her.
as much as you want to make her look at you, you don’t want to embarrass her further so you just move your fingers harder against her.
“you smell really good…” paige mutters in between soft moans and then she cringes. “sorry, that’s probably weird to say right now.”
you dismiss her, fingers never changing pace. “no…it’s okay. thank you. you’re really sweet when you wanna be.”
“i’m always sweet.” her voice is practically slurred as she starts to feel the knots building up in her stomach. “i’m so close…”
you keep going until her legs start shaking, pulling your hand away from her and kissing her sweetly.
she pushes you to lay down again so she can wrap her arm around you and cuddle you. for a moment, you’re both silent. just settling in the afterglow, kissing softly here and there and smiling at each other. until you speak.
“you know…” you pant against her lips, she rubs your thighs and hums as you pull away slightly to talk. “i’ve wanted you since you moved in here…”
“yeah? why didn’t you say anything?” she chuckles, pulling you impossibly closer.
“i don’t know. so many reasons.” you stare into her eyes, meeting her smile. she leans in to kiss your jaw and then whispers in your ears. 
“name a few.”
you roll your eyes, they’re all obvious. “olivia for starters –– ” she groans, hiding her face in your neck which makes you laugh. “plus, i didn’t wanna rock the boat.”
she shakes her head, pulling back to look you in the eyes. her voice is pure silk when she whispers softly, “from the moment i first saw you…that ship sailed.”
you snicker, putting a hand over paige’s face. “cheesy…”
“you love it.” she kisses your neck again. “you love me.”
you nod in agreement but that isn’t enough. most likely, it never will be. she lets her hands trail your waist exploratorily. “say it.”
you shudder at the command in her voice. even if you could deny her, why would you want to? 
“i love you...”
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sh0tanzz · 2 months
Note
is it me or do i like men groveling
can i request riize second chance romance if that makes sense:’)
(ur work is amazing pls continie keeping us happy^^)
i love groveling men too it’s ok anon 😗
RIIZE SECOND CHANCE ROMANCE ~ based on their birth charts
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reminder this is just based off of my opinion after looking at their birth charts and what I think would happen from my own observations these things are not exact fact unless they said it themselves !
Shotaro
SO MUCH ANGST OOOH MY GOF. Would be the most mature on the outside but on the inside he’d be ☹️☹️☹️. “I don’t even care about what she’s doing” [checked your instagram and other socials to see if you’re grieving as well or seeing someone new] He wouldn’t necessarily go out dating looking for a rebound he’d focus on his craft in all honesty and might even seclude himself a little bit. I see him taking a break with his s/o instead of just flatline breaking up and once he feels like he has emotionally healed as far as he can he’d return and it would be pretty serious like in a private closed space he’d want to talk everything out and NEEEDS you to be honest abt everything but he’d just want you guys back together and for both of you to be happy.
Eunseok
(I feel like Eunseok is aware that he could potentially fall victim to the “the one that got away” trope) but anyway. He’d be the biggest nonchalanter to ever nonchalant 😭 might even try to stay mutuals/cordial with you. Would date, see other people, have a mini roster and fwbs going on. But as soon as he realizes everyone else is boring him and wasting his oh so valuable time (And he hates. To waste his time.) he’d get so irritated at himself for letting go of such a good thing and would criticize criticIZE CRITICIZEE himself. Forces himself to not run from/internalize how he feels he’d reach out again, wouldn’t be the most sappy return ever he might even joke about what happened but he’d be as honest as he could ever be and would surprisingly admit where he fucked up.
Sungchan
His pride and the hurt he carried during the time apart would hold him back so badly. Would improve himself and boss up similar to Shotaro to show you what you were missing; try to find attention and praise elsewhere. But when he realizes you did the same thing and also became better in every way possible physically, mentally…and that people still have their eye on you like they did when he first met you..he’d cave. Would HAVE to shamefully put his hurt and pride aside. Cue his dramatic serious text at 11pm and him asking how you’re doing to see if the good things he’s heard about you were true (prays you say no when he asks if you’re seeing anyone) would ask you to meet him somewhere that was important to you two and nostalgic. Almost kills him to be wrong but has to accept it 😭
Wonbin
He’d be like “whatever” since he knows that so many girls want to be in your place, might even consider sliding back to that one ex. Would be torn between just letting things go back to normal but his stubborn stagnant attitude would leave him stuck in a victim state. But then once the pain slowlyyy seeps in and that what you two had was something genuine and you were one of few people that actually understood him and physically compatible with him then on the inside he’d lose it. Would have a wayyy more sappy lovey dovey way of coming back. Cue him using music in some way shape or form as his way of coming back. Would probably want to physically see you in a place that he’s most comfortable with.
Seunghan
So so sassy. Honestly he’d walk away pretty fast but would miss you pretty fast right after. He’d hesitate but only because he knows that he probably got a little mean when you two split and that you might not even want to talk to him. Tries to go dating around but wakes up and gets it together once he sees/hears that you’re talking to someone new (10 extra points if it’s someone he doesn’t like or thinks isn’t even close to how attractive he is ) . Tries to be cool about it but is hurting inside, would ask everyone for advice. The emotional side would take over and he’d just have to listen to how he feels and think later. His way of coming back is essentially him outdoing whoever has you on their sights or him showing you the epitome of affection. He’d have to force his virgo mercury to work and speak UP and apologize.
Sohee
Would seem pretty ok and normal compared to everyone else similarly to Eunseok. Talks about you but wants to jump someone if THEY try to talk about you. (“can’t believe she’d do this” “yea she’s crazy asf” “Don’t say that 🫤.” ). (Cue him singing “When I was your man” by Bruno Mars 😭). He wouldn’t want to constrict and limit himself or you after the breakup so he’d also try to date/talk to other people. Has to give in and accept that thinking about you while hanging out with someone else is a CLEAR indicator that he needs to get off his high horse and return. He’d probably word vomit about how he feels about everything and apologize but also goes on this passive lecture on how you two shouldn’t allow each others feelings to rip you two apart like that again and the principle of it all.
Anton
Word vomit pt.2. Could go two ways. Way one if the breakup was on good terms/mutual after the breakup he’d probably remain friends or still be in contact with you, then once he realizes he can’t just move on at the snap of his fingers and realizes that every person he’s with has resemblance to you whether it’s physical/personality he’d impulsively talk to you and get right back if he can. If it was on bad terms it’d feel pretty cruel ngl like you’d feel like he kinda just disappeared and made his way elsewhere..but once he’s alone with his thoughts he’d have to realize the errors of his way or the faults on his side he’d IMPULSIVELY come forwards with how he feels, would probably ask you to dinner and have the conversation there and says everything that he has to.
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softandsourcream · 8 months
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Stop, you’re losing me~ - one
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————————•。・. ゜・。_________________
Summary: The last time you saw Yoongi wasn't one of your fondest memories. And actually, you thought that after ten years you no longer had any more tears to shed for that memory, for that situation, for him.
What was the problem with meeting him again at his brother's wedding, right?
Right?
pairing: idol! yoongi x vet!f reader.
Words: 9k
genre(s): angst, hurt- comfort, slow burn, fluff, smut (+18) (not this one tho)
au(s): childhood friends - to lovers, idol yoongi, normal vet reader, entertainment industry, denial and resentment.
warnings: curse words, family drama, grief, loss of loved ones, panic/anxiety attacks, damaged mental health, a LOT of struggling. Yoongi is here to help tho♡.
author’s note: just wanna let you all now that I’m so exited that this is out now! Hope you enjoy it and if you have any suggestion just let me know! I don’t bite 🐇. Also, English it’s not my fist language, so please be patient with this dumbass
~
IMPORTANT: this fic contains a lot of sensitive topics touched upon explicitly. Please, if any of the tags trigger something in you, stop reading. You’re more important, and there is much more content you can consume here. Take care please! ♡
enjoy!
—————————•。・゜ one゜・__________________
main masterlist
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“Where are you?”
“Outside.” In fact, he had gotten out of the car a second ago, and he wasn't going to answer, but he didn't know where they were either; the place was exaggeratedly large.
“Get in here then, you're late.”
“I’m at the entrance... where are you?” His voice breathless, he ran a lot in less than 20 minutes.
“Your brother is about to faint, so you’re going to see us easily. The first row.”
Yoongi hung up the phone, and sure enough, it wasn't difficult for him to find his family right at the end of the place. His brother looked around restlessly, probably looking for him or his fiancée, because he knew he was late, but he didn't seem to have started yet either.
His father, on the other hand, observed his brother's concern with the empty gaze he had always had from his seat, blinking slowly without saying much. He smiled a little at the scene (also a little relieved to finally be there) and started walking quickly, straight there, without looking at anyone else.
He greeted some of his aunts from afar, bowed to others he didn't know but greeted him, and ended up meeting his brother's eyes, almost finishing his journey. The concern on his face changed to one of anger, and he approached him as if suddenly he wasn't about to get married and be responsible for a family. His posture was the same as when they played as children, and his mother had to separate them for a toy.
It gave him chills.
“Hel-“
“Where the fuck were you.”
Yoongi frowned exaggeratedly at the bad word, looking at his father, who was watching everything in the same exact spot with the exact same cold and calm eyes.
“You’re not going to say anything to him?”
He didn’t respond, and Yoongi chuckled when his brother insulted him again.
“Calm down, if mom hears you, she-“
“You’re half an hour late, Min.” Finally, his father, mad. He can tell just by his voice. Yoongi shrank from the scolding and grimaced, looking at his brother.
“I’m sorry.” One. Sooner than he expected “They didn’t let me go sooner.” Greum-Jae didn't even seem interested in hearing an excuse; Yoongi had never seen him so angry before. But he still dared to continue speaking. “I get you’re mad, and I’m sorry, but don’t be mad with me right now. This is your day, we can fight later, and I’m here. I’m really sorry, for real, it wasn't my intention to ruin this for you.”
“Now it’s my job to be calm?” Jae fled from his touch. “To ignore your mistakes? You literally have one job.”
“I know I- I don’t have any other excuse, okay? I’m really sorry.”
Two.
It was subtle, but after a moment, his gaze softened, and so did his body, which was the most noticeable. Jae hugged him, and Yoongi smiled sadly, because he did feel bad, but, of course, it wasn’t the time to show it.
“You’re lucky she’s late too, and that I’m in a good mood right now.” He knows. “Missed you…”
“Me too.” His smell, his hugs, his voice. His home. He missed. “You are in a good mood, though? You look like you're about to throw up.”
He hit his shoulder, breaking the hug and getting closer to his father. Yoongi says hi to him without receiving a response, of course. He looked older and tired, which made him think about how long he had not set foot in that city. He squeezed his fist, unsettled. “I’m nervous; of course I look like that.”
Yoongi was going to ask why, genuinely interested, because he didn't understand why he should be nervous. He wasn't supposed to do anything more than 'yes, I do' and be with the person he loves most for the rest of his life. He also understood that, from the context, Yoongi would never understand it, and he didn't feel like doing it either. Also, he shouldn't be that direct, so he swallowed his question and leaned with both hands on the empty chair next to his father, placing all his weight on his arms.
He wanted to ignore the fact that he felt watched. There were a lot of people there. He hadn't taken a look to see how much he knew and how much he didn't, that was an activity he would leave for when they were dancing and there was less light. Right now he knew that everyone was looking at him, and he didn't like it because, although it was a family and private event, he couldn't completely ignore it. Photos of him would still come to light. It was, in fact, one of the discussions he had with the company days before.
“Your brother doesn't want to hear you, but I do. What is more important than your brother’s wedding now?”
Shit.
Jae was now talking to someone who came to tell him news about Eun, and he had walked away. He could only hear the echo of people talking, laughing, and happiness. Yoongi didn't want to have that conversation right now.
“It wasn’t my fault.”
“That wasn’t my question.”
“You’re being unfair right now.”
The man sighed.
“I’m just asking, Yoongi." And his voice sounds different too, so Yoongi didn’t like it. “If I’m not right, why don’t you tell me? You know I know when you're right, and I'm not. I'm not stubborn, you're locking yourself in."
Yoongi wrinkled his nose because he was right in a way, and he hated that it was like that. It was true; he didn't know why he felt so cornered all of a sudden. Stretching his arms and looking at the ground, he became a little dizzy. His whole body suddenly hurt; maybe all the fatigue of those months came upon him.
“Working.” He was honest even so, knowing what was coming. His father didn’t move in any sense. “I was working, but it wasn't'more important than this’. They wouldn't let me go, for real.”
“You didn’t take a day off?”
“I can’t. I’m on tour right now, and I asked permission, but you know that they’re not flexible with the times.
“Just like your mother's birthday. Or every Christmas.” He sounds sad now, almost disappointed. Mad, but really sad. “We invite you, but you never come. Your brother was shaking yesterday. He really wanted to see you.”
There was silence. A big one, where you could still hear the murmurs of the people, the echo of the grandeur of the place, the clicking of heels, and the shy laughter. He gave them both time to realize where they were, that they were in suits, and that, after all, he hadn't seen that man in a long, long time.
Yoongi's apology stuck in his throat—another genuine apology.
 
A third.
 
“I'm sorry, son.” His father says instead. Yoongi had heard it a few times in his 30s. “I understand. We understand, but... we always do. Me, your mother, and your brother today. He has all the right to be mad; we all are, but you’re doing your best, and we’re getting old too.” This time he looked at him, smiling a little. Yoongi does too, but his was a sad one. “Just don’t forget about your family. I just hope I make it to your wedding too.”
“Pff.” They laughed, and the son nodded, his nose still wrinkled just thinking about it. “I can only do the first one, sorry. That’s why Jae did it first. Maybe I don't invite you to a wedding, but you have been sitting more than once watching me in a stadium with more people than here.” He looked at his brother with his eyes. He continued talking to that woman, nodding, biting his lip, having an awful time, and if it wasn't bad, then something questionable. Yoongi could swear his palms were sweating. “I honestly don't feel like... being that worried.”
His father looked nothing in the front, with a smirk on his face. Yoongi realized how old he turned again.
“You just haven't found the right person to be like this for.”
That doesn’t sound like his father. At all.
He looked at him again and couldn't say anything when his brother was already in front of them, smiling and wiping the sweat from his hands.
He knew it.
“She’s about to arrive, take your seat.”
Yoongi left the back of the chair where there was supposed to be another person there who wasn't there, and frowning, he looked around the room without really doing it, realizing that he was missing someone to greet.
“Where’s mom?”
And as if he hadn't been listening to laughter, murmurs, and voices of people for ten minutes that filled his ears non-stop, right after that question, a specific laugh seemed to answer his doubt, reversing his pressure and causing a strong shiver to run down the back of his neck.
He turned quickly, perhaps even a little disbelievingly, and then, he saw you.
Not his mother, though. Or yes, her too, but his eyes fell on you first because it was always like that, because that was your laugh, and because it was impossible not to.
Far away. The possibility of having heard your laughter was quite unlikely, even impossible. Seven or eight rows back. Of course, you were wearing baby blue, delicate, and tight. The fabric didn’t shine like your gloves do, and you had your long hair loose, tied up from the top just a little. You laughed heartily, teeth on display, his mother being the cause of your smile and your bright eyes. Such honest and grateful happiness, because why not, you both looked exaggeratedly happy to be in front of each other again. Her mother held your hands tightly, moving them up and down in time with her words, and you just nodded and responded briefly.
His heart stopped. He could swear he had even forgotten to breathe.
Yoongi didn't enjoy eye contact.
He usually runs away from it. He feels stupid, and he gets embarrassed quickly. It's a tense situation for him, but he was wishing with all his might that you two had it at that moment. That his eyes were heavy enough for you to turn to look at him and take a good look at you because your eyes had always been big and expressive, and he needed to confirm that he wasn't hallucinating.
At least that's what they were like the last time he saw them, so many years ago that he couldn't count them, and from what he saw from there, many things had changed.
You look breathtaking. You've always looked this pretty, but right now… 
He didn't know if it was because he hadn't seen you in person for many years, up close, but unpleasant things were happening to him. His legs trembled when you finally looked back. Big eyes, make-up on, pretty color, and they opened, your moves frozen, and somehow, you two had an extremely uncomfortable visual conversation, as if you were face to face, and you didn't know what to say.
To his surprise, your gaze quickly changes to a more confident, almost cold look, and you bow with extreme lightness to say hello without intending to break contact. However, his mother did, hugging goodbye to you as soon as everyone started tidying up, music started playing, and Yoongi was forced to sit down, trembling, sweating, and unfocused, remembering how you looked.
He was there again, in real life, in Daegu, where he was born and grew up, where it was hot and dangerous to go out at night, where they used to live, and where he used to get lost when he could.
He had arrived that morning, but his brother, his parents, and you brought him back home.
“Shit.”
Not in a comfy, lullaby way. More like a cold water falling from the sky directly on the ground/ type of way.
He was there. You were there, feeling better than him, of course, but you don’t know. You had the whole month to mentally prepare for that reunion. Obviously you had a better handle on it, but you were also shaking, and you had to take a couple of breaths before you were ready for the wedding.
“Good?”
 
Seun was next to Greum when everything happened, in a way waiting as a spectator. Both in silence, from afar. Now he was waiting for you to respond, so he could start the recording in case you said something compromising. Both of you were in your assigned seats, with Jae at the altar.
“If it’s better than him, then yes, I’m great.” He laughed and checked at the entrance in case Eun was peeking out. He wanted to see her dress. You shake your shoulders, trying not to look in his direction again, releasing tension.
“Well, I don’t judge him. Jae didn’t tell him you were here.”
You scoff, “He didn’t? We're some show to you two or something?” putting your brother's arm away (with more force than necessary. It bothers you that he didn't take seriously how you felt. More now that you were especially sensitive) so you can record properly. The music began to overwhelm you a bit.
Now. Suddenly they were all in order, therefore quieter, so you two had to continue the conversation in whispers. Jae was waiting for his future wife; the doors of the place were open, but nothing was happening yet.
“He told me months ago that he wasn’t sure if he would arrive. The invitation was made, but he hasn't seen him for almost a year. When-“ he stops, unlocking his phone that had turned off for not pressing record yet, making you smile. Your older brother reminded you a lot of your father sometimes, and you rarely saw him so excited and well groomed at the same time. Your dress color and his suit matched too. His idea. “When Yoongi confirmed he was coming, Jae didn’t have the time to tell him. So yeah,” you looked at him when he did, blinking. “I know he’s feeling a lot of things right now.”
Well, that was weird.
That doesn’t sound like Yoongi, Yoongi loves his brother, his family, at least the one you know.
The type of relationship you had now (null) didn't allow you to say that out loud, and, strictly speaking, you didn't understand his reaction either. He looked genuinely surprised; it shouldn't affect him if he was the one who broke everything in the first place. You assumed it had just been the surprise, and it would take you a good stretch of the night to be able to let go of the fact that they were there, so close but so far, to let go of the possibilities of talking, hugging him, and telling him how much you had missed him, know about him, how he handled things. Just as before. Because it didn't help you to think like that, and because how pretty and beautiful your best friend looked right now, happy, in white, and excited, couldn't be placed on anything else.
You hoped you could breathe in peace for the rest of the night. Although at some point you thought you could do it without problems, because once you wiped away the tears that came out of you when you saw Eun enter and the ceremony took place, between your brother talking to you, you were laughing at him because he had also cried halfway through. On the way, the rest of your family arrived, and an inexplicable happiness that ran through you as you were surrounded by so many people that you knew and hadn't seen in years consumed you, your head stayed busy. A lot, and you still had it in mind, but you were not alone, and that made you feel good, safe, and a little calmer.
It was easy for you not to give him your night. At least the first part of it.
Apparently, after the ceremony, the party, and celebration would take place in the same place. You weren't really surprised, in fact, it moved you even more because the place was gigantic, very tall, and beautiful, almost like a theater, and there were many, many people, enough to fill the place. Not in a suffocating way, but enough to get lost. It was mostly of age, older people, maybe grandparents you hadn't managed to meet before, and then there were people directly younger, but you knew those, Seun was a people butterfly. Friends of theirs, you assumed. Actually, Seun stopped explaining who the boy was sitting next to one of her good friends when a man, tall and good-looking, started to talk on a microphone.
“Now, now, and congratulating the bride and groom once again, we would like to call the loved ones of both to say a few words before the fun part starts.
Everyone laughed, and Seun looked at you. You forgot about that part.
“Let’s start with the parents…”
“I can go for you instead.”
“It’s okay.” You smile. You knew that he was doing his best to be able to contain you, and give you the best company, despite the fact that it was not easy for him. “I’m not made of glass.” You joke, listening to Eun’s mother speak already.
And well, for him, you were. At least right now, but he didn’t say it, scoffing to hide his thoughts. “I’m trying to be good. Dad it’s watching now, I have to be an example.”
“For what.”
“Shut up, don’t be disrespectful.”
You try not to laugh. He was nervous now. You never understood why it was so difficult for him to admit that he cared for others. Not even with Jae he dared to do it, or at least that's what you thought. You didn't know how he would tell the truth in his speech.
You were the last one. You knew this because when you arrived, Jae told you. Eun wasn't supposed to know you were there. Of course, she had invited you, but she didn't know if you would finally attend because you hadn't been able to communicate with anyone these last few months. You met once, when she came to see you at your house, but you couldn't talk about much. You were on another planet, it was like your head was disconnected from your body most of the time, and she assumed you wouldn't go. 
You wanted to think that she hadn't seen you when she passed, but you doubted it. With the amount of people there, and with how focused she was on Jae, it was impossible.
Still, you were nervous. When you accepted, you didn't think you would be in front of so many people. Your heart was beating.
“Is that Yoongi?” Nara, your sister, asked your mother just behind you when he got position and greeted everyone.
“Yeah. Why he wouldn't?” Your mom responded a bit confused. You could hear her smile.
“I think you all were joking when you told me he was on BTS, for real. It doesn’t look at all like the Yoongi I knew.” You hear a laugh, a gentile one, and then your other brother making fun of her behind. Your dad scolds them.
Now, you take advantage of the moment to take a better look at him.
You wanted to blame it on the fact that your sister was only nine when she met Yoongi, and every time he appeared on TV or in videos she was told it was him, she just couldn't believe it. You just hoped those were her blurry memories of him, because you couldn't see him too differently from how you remembered it.
Maybe his hair was longer, he was paler, taller, his back had grown considerably, and he had that special glow that any celebrity would have. He looked like an entire adult now, too. He wore expensive clothes and good shoes, although he didn't seem to have put any effort into his hair, or his appearance in general, he looked incredibly unreal, so much that it makes you angry.
If you thought about it enough, and if you didn't know it was him, you would’ve struggled to recognize him too. You often saw him in magazines, posters, on buildings in Busan, on train pamphlets, on your cell phone and even in medicine, but seeing him in person was overwhelming. It was like seeing a stranger you already knew, but better yet, he was there, but at the same time he wasn't.
You take a deep breath when you realize that, despite all those things, his features were still just as soft and delicate, just like his mother's.
His knuckles still turned red without much effort, and he smiled the same way, making that slight pout with his lips before crying, trying to contain it, and he wiped the tears carelessly. You found your Yoongi in the one you were looking at right now, with little things, with gestures, with details that you used to admire more than necessary, they were still there.
and it made you feel nauseous.
You blinked a few times, snapping out of your trance as everyone applauded, and realized you hadn't heard a single word. He had even cried, and you didn't know why. You saw Jae stand up as he was called to take position on the small stage, and a much louder round of applause made you jump lightly. They came from behind, just that young section that assumed they were friends of both. There were a lot of people, and it didn't surprise you that Seun was already fooling around on his way to the small stage there.
“How are you feeling, blossom?"
Your father asked, taking advantage of the fact that you turned around to look at the crowd and that your brother was not there. They were both looking at you, and the rest of your brothers were talking among themselves.
“I'm okay.” It wasn't necessarily a lie. You felt just as bad as you do every day. Besides, you knew that they were referring to something more specific (Min Yoongi) than to your general emotional state, so you smiled slightly, closed, and placed your hand on your mother's, who was on your arm. “I’m good; don’t worry.”
As you predicted, Seun's speech was so unserious and absurd that it's not worth dwelling on. For some reason, everyone was laughing with him, he had livened up the atmosphere and unintentionally infected everyone with joy.
He soon returned to his seat and sat still with applause in the background. You couldn't believe it.
“I don’t get why he’s still your friend.”
“We’re in love, sister.” He asure. “This wedding is for three people. They will never get rid of me.”
“Shut up.”
“Now.” The good-looking man says “Briefly before eating and doing fun things, we have one more person who wants to wish you both the best, of course.��
You can see Eun’s confused look at her husband now, and he quickly grabs her hand. Your heart was ricing, you felt your mother's hand on your shoulder.
“Park ___, please."
Eun almost jumped from her seat, looking around, looking for you. You also saw someone else look for you in the crowd when you were getting up a little stiff because of your dress. You say sorry to an old woman right in front of you, who you accidentally hit softly because Seun didn’t move at the right moment.
“Oh my god.”
You didn't have time to get halfway down the hall to the front when a large white dress ran towards you to hug you. You smiled at the impact because you were a little taken aback by how strong it came and how big her dress was. You smiled when you already had her in your arms.
“You have been here all this time?”
“Of carouse.”
“Oh my god, thank you…” she softly says, hugging you even harder.
“I wouldn’t miss the happiest moment of your life.”
Because it had cost you, but you had arrived. Was she crying? Thank goodness people were still clapping because of the moving nature of the situation, and they couldn't hear you. You were trying so hard not to cry too.
If you did it, you wouldn't stop.
“I know you-“
“It’s okay.” You stopped her. “I’m okay.”
You squeezed her waist as a signal for you to start moving, and she moved away from you to caress your face lovingly and look at you like... most people have looked at you lately with pity and kissed your forehead.
Pity.
 
She took your hand, and the entire way, you could feel Yoongi's gaze on you. From the moment she hugged you until she kissed you and started leading you forward, like an exhibition, heavy, right next to you. He made you feel small, it was silly.
“Now stop crying; I haven't said anything yet.” You start, with the microphone in your hands, making everybody laugh, the couple too, Jae helping her with the tears. The place was in silence, the lights, the eyes, and the attention were just on you. So you take a deep breath and unfold the paper you’ve got prepared. “I- uh~” a sigh. “I don’t know how people do this without crying, I- okay.” You were nervous, but the place laughed again, so it gave you time to breathe.
“I still remember you both being taller than me, smarter than me, and older than me. I know that deep down all of you were so done of me, right behind there too,” all those people scream from behind, and you laugh. “because I used to talk a lot, and I carry my toys everywhere, so I can show it to all of you, and I made too many questions for people who are starting to be teenagers and want to look cool, but I wasn’t. I didn’t even care, I remember that. I was the pain in the ass that comes with Seun. Just a plus because Seun it’s a bother himself.” The aforementioned rolled his eyes, and you waited for there to be silence so you could continue. “I understand that now, and I just came here to apologize.” 
The atmosphere after the laughter was now a little solemn, and in contrast to your brother, you were capable of poisoning the things you touched, and those who knew you knew that. You could see the newlyweds were a little worried, but you kept smiling, giving them confidence that nothing bad was going to happen. At least that wasn't your intention.
“Sorry for being the impediment for you to go out late at night or for having to return early from wherever we were... I- was with you.” Uh. You try to keep the smile. Shit, “sorry for being so annoying, and sorry for the fact that I didn't care. Because as much as I didn't like being with you sometimes, the best part of my day was watching you eat at my table, or Mrs. Min organizing my birthdays, and everyone coming with gifts that I genuinely liked because you all heard what I was saying even if I was giving you a headache.”
Unintentionally, you met those eyes again from afar, just when you were trying to control that lump in your throat because the worst part was coming, and you didn't know if you were ready. You said the following while still looking at Yoongi, not at you, surprisingly. “I miss it. I really do, and I’m so grateful that I carry all that with me.”
You look at the paper, change the page, and breathe. So you try once “I-“ and twice. “I- um…” a shaking breath sounds everywhere, reading the words, but you just can’t. “Sorry~” you're softly trying to laugh as you cry start, and you feel so stupid for breaking in front of a lot of people. No because it was bad, everybody there cried before you, but not because of the same thing.
“I love you!” You didn’t know who it was, but you smiled and responded with a really quiet and shaking'me too', giving you time to breathe as everybody laughed, and the atmosphere eased.
“Okay.” You say more to yourself, but you have a mic on your mouth, of course. “I didn’t write this part alone. Kija he… he is my twin, so of course he was with me in all of this story, but when he got sick and we were writing this months ago, he told me that I didn’t mention him in all this because it was going to be about me, not him… he’s kinda dumb.” 
You laugh, trying not to tear up. You were holding the next tears, but like, fighting demons and everything to not cry. You, for real, didn’t want to cry in front of all those people. Your voice was obviously trapped in your chest, and it was shaking, but you couldn't do anything but breathe. You just have to be quick. 
“But he told me that he wanted to tell you both that he and I were very proud to have seen you grow together, hate each other together, and deny that you liked each other together and today, for me, seeing you two married means a lot. I adore you two with all my heart. Congratulations, and I know you’re going to do a great job. I'm sure Kija would have done a better job telling him in person, but I'm here for him, so you know. He would- have loved to come, I have no doubt. Be happy, please, and no babies yet; I’m not ready.”
You didn’t remember anything after that, which means two things:
One, you need to calm down because two, you weren’t fine.
You remember the hug, and a few words both of them told you, and all the looks people gave you just after that, full of sadness and compassion (which was the first thing that made you want to run away). And at the party, you dance because you enjoy it, and you feel a little better, but people stop you all the time to give you their condolences because “they didn’t know”.
The cake was cut, the presentation was done, and you could only come back to the moment when you had your first drink of whiskey, and your body told you that it wasn’t a good idea. Your heart was fast in your chest, that would only make it worse with alcohol.
You need to breathe.
 
“Sorry, what?!”
 
You scream behind the music. Some girl named Hwan stopped you. (It came right at the beginning, when Seun was next to you, and you were pretending to listen to how she had recently graduated. Poor girl, honestly, she looks kind and lovely.) with two glasses of tequila and some salt in her hand. 
“My friend!” She said. “I lost him, so take this!”
 And then:
“Hurry! I have to go for more before they run out!” You were too agitated for this. This is a bad idea ___. “c’mon c’mon honey!”
Your hands were tingling, your breathing was short, and you were afraid. You had tried to go to the bathroom, but it was full, and it was even more claustrophobic than all those people. Right next to it, there were some stairs that you assumed went up to the balconies that surrounded the place. You were very grateful that it was high, enough to encapsulate the music on the floor below, and you heard it as if you were listening from a glass.
Or was it you? 
You leaned on the railing and began to sweat. You closed your eyes, trying to calm down little by little, to look for things to think about, to feel something other than fear and anguish at the same time, but it was impossible, completely, and that made you even more desperate. You were breathing as if you had just run for two hours non-stop, and there came a point where your legs couldn't support your body. You couldn't feel your hands, cried a lot, trying to catch air, moaned in terror.
“please please please… stop just-“
You were trying not to faint, you were on the edge of a high place, and it was now dark for those below. It was when you felt like you really couldn't do anything. That you tried to stand back in case your body gave way forward, and it wasn't more dangerous when you felt hands on your stomach directly and the warmth of a body behind you.
A warm feeling that felt like burning on a straight fire
“Easy~ here,” you heard, far away from you, just like the music in a glass. The only thing that told you that he was literally glued to you was his touch. “Can you feel my hand?” You didn't respond, trying to run away. You didn’t want to be touched. “Hey, it’s okay, you’re safe. If you want to feel better, you have to answer me, okay?”
“Hmm” a moan full of pain, was not even an answer.
“Okay?” They asked again. This time you nodded and felt the hand move on your stomach, the fingers more than anything, like playing a piano. Soft, but rough at the same time. “Can you feel it?” Your two hands were placed on his in an attempt to find support; you couldn't feel your legs, and after giving him an affirmative answer with your head, you complained again, your head was about to explode. “Move my hand with your stomach as you breathe.” And you did. Erratic and desperate “That’s good, but try it slower. Focus on moving it, not on breathing.”
“I- I ca-“
"Yes, you can. You do it every day; come on.”
You know, you just didn’t want to be there.
You try your best to move his hand. It was hard because you were sobbing, and trying your best to not think too much. So you closed your eyes, exhausted, and concentrated on the warmth that the stranger was giving you and the hold that, while at first it felt overwhelming and suffocating, now it helped. You felt stronger, even though you were about to faint.
So you moved the hand, and it worked.
“Good~ breathe.”
The air filled your lungs little by little, your head began to quiet, and the music entered your ears at a decent volume considering how far you were from the ground. Your hands were cold, they were shaking, but you could move them, and you still couldn't feel your legs, but you could hear the trembling of your breathing and how your nervous system was trying to regulate itself, blocking your crying in your chest.
You were exhausted, god, you would sleep there if you could.
“Better?”
And then you realize.
 
You know that voice.
 
It was soft, deep, and in your ear. So close that if you turned to see him, both of you would collide. His hands were bigger than they used to be and softer to the touch, pale on your baby blue dress, no scrapes like you used to heal, he’s no longer biting his nails.
‘Shit’
“Don’t touch me.” You said. He tense.
“If I let you go, you will fall. You're not even holding yourself up.”
He was right. And you hate it.
“What are you doing here.”
Your voice sounded agitated, almost like a whisper. You still didn't dare open your eyes; your eyelids were heavy, and the fear of facing him so close made you delirious. Even though you had your back turned to him, you felt him snort.
“God. You’re welcome?” You clung tighter to his hand. It's just that you got dizzy, and he held you when he felt you give way to the left. “I should ask that. You almost passed out on the railing, idiot, that's… fucked up.”
He calls you an idiot? You were too weak to call him something worse.
So you only say "sorry." Instead, letting him go finally, and you tried to stand up by yourself, but you wobbled
“Okay, okay, please don’t. I’m gonna…” His hands took place on your hips to guide you to some chairs in the corner, which you didn't see at first, of course. You weren't sure if his touch hurt more now that you were more conscious or before, when you were overstimulated. Felt the same, honestly. “Be careful, they look old.” You walked as he commanded, and once you sat down, you heard him say something you couldn't decipher. You finally opened your eyes to ask, but there was no sign of anyone.
Sighing, you rested your head in your hands and closed your eyes again. You didn't know if you were still dizzy and weak or if you felt that way because you were already drunk. They both make sense to you.
You heard noise after a few seconds and looked up. Finally, Yoongi's silhouette appeared in the hallway, he had things in his hands, and he was looking at the glass of water, concentrating so that nothing would fall on the floor.
“I’m definitely too drunk for this.”
This can't be happening to you. Could not.
“I put ice on it, so you can chew. It will help.”
His voice sounded unfriendly to what he was saying. Not angry or indifferent, but rather nervous and tense, as if he were speaking by opening his mouth a little, trying to make you believe that it was no a big deal, as always, but his nervousness didn't allow him to fool you. You raised your eyes to look at his, and he turned them away once you brought them together. You tried to hide a smile as you received the glass. Of course, he couldn't look you in the eyes. He cleared his throat, finally watching you receive the water, trembling in your hold. He tries to hold it from below in case you drop it.
You took a sip.
“Your makeup is smudged.”
Of course. You must have been looking stupid.
“What is that?"
He was offering you something, like toilet paper, but softer on a package. You couldn't see very well, it was just white.
“I’m not really sure.” He confesses. “I take them from the bathroom. They’re damp.”
You touch it with two of your fingers, just to not be rude, honestly.
“Thanks, but I can’t really see myself here.” There was no mirror, and if there was, it was dark. The only lights there were those on the dance floor, which were colored and did not shine directly on the place you two were having this... moment. “I don’t really care though, I’m living soon anyway”
He didn't insist, putting the package in his pocket. You maintained a silence that would have been more awkward if the music downstairs wasn't on, and if you didn't have anything to chew at that moment. Neither of you dared to look at each other, or start a conversation because it wasn't even enough for something cordial. You didn't have the strength to get up and run away, but just when you were going to tell him that you were okay, and he could leave, he took something out of his pocket.
Now you are invested.
“You mind if I smoke?”
You looked at him from there, taking time to process the information. You shook your head slightly, maybe even confused, but there was no point in being.
“Can you even smoke here?”
The place was big but closed, you didn't know if it was allowed.
“I doubt it.”
“Since when do you smoke?” You dared to ask.
“I don’t.”
No, because he hates the smell. His mother has smoked since ever. Yoongi hates that the smell gets stuck in everything and everywhere. No matter how much his mother smoked outside the house, he always ended up with his school clothes smelling like cigarettes. It was inevitable. He always complained.
There you were watching him right now, right in profile, blowing smoke from his cigarette as if he did it every day, even though he said he doesn't. Arms resting on the railing, well-dressed, looking anywhere but at you.
You wanted to stop assuming that this Yoongi was the same one who had left years ago. Because you didn't know, you were both two completely new people, total strangers who knew nothing about each other, yet, you wanted to think that, if that were the case, he would have already left. He usually walks away from what he doesn't care about or doesn't like, that's what he did with you when he left, because that's how you felt. It was nice to believe that he was now there himself because he wanted to be, but it didn't help you to think about it, not now. Just because he was there didn't mean he was back in your life, and as silly as it sounded, your brain didn't understand that. It was your job to stop him from believing something like that.
You chew ice.
“I don’t want to ruin the party for you. Go ahead.” Your voice is still dumb. He was watching the people dancing from there, now he was looking at you, smoking the cigarette between his fingers without understanding what you meant. “I’m feeling better, you can go.”
“Okay.” He directed his body directly towards you. Unintentionally intimidating. “Do you want me to go?”
His presence made you anxious.
“Yes. But if I’m honest, I don’t really want to be alone right now.” He hums. “But I have seven siblings, and all of them are downstairs right now. I can call any of them.”
“They will scold you for not saying anything and me for not seeking help.”
“I know.” He looked at you, quietly. “I just don’t want to... keep you here. Have some fun.”
He shook his head, looking away.
“It’s okay. I was here first, drinking. Then you came. You scared me.”
You blink a few times. “You’ve spent all the night in here?”
“Most of it.” You followed his eyes down on the first floor, full of people. You could see everything from there. If you focused on one person, you could easily track them. “Enough to watch you dance and get drunk.”
“Creep.” He smiles a little.
“That’s why I wasn’t sure it was you. I went to get my whiskey, and I swear I saw you two minutes before taking a shot of tequila. I thought you were just drunk.”
You frowned, settling into the couch. You felt genuinely bad.
“Now I’m scared. For real.”
“Not intentional. I can literally watch my brother kiss Eun from here every five minutes, even if I don’t want to.” Yoongi plays with his ice, then drinks the rest in one go.
You gulped.
Thinking about it more was counterproductive for your mental health, you knew it, you understood it, it was practically self-sabotage, but right now, you gave yourself perhaps ten seconds to admire the beauty that Min Yoongi carried all by himself.
He looked so different, and everything that had changed elevated his beauty to places... god. You had met at a very young age too, in years, you could also say that you had changed enough to be mentioned at some point by a family member who hadn't seen you in a while, for example. You are an adult now, but it was impressive.
To think that you stopped seeing Yoongi right when he was being built into an idol says a lot. Everything about him looked expensive and well cared for, his soft hair, smooth skin, long eyelashes, immaculate hands, as if they were not obliged to do anything that would harm them. How his throat moved as the drink passed into his system, the lack of reaction of his features despite being strong, and having drunk almost half of the short glass.
The feeling that rose to your stomach made you come back, and from well-being, it turned into discomfort in your chest. He was there, he looked so attractive, and you couldn't do anything.
You couldn’t hug him, tell him how much you missed him and hit him nonstop because even when you’re still so into him, you were hurt too, and this situation was so out of your hands.
“I’d liked your speech. It was good.”
You wanted to tell him that you hadn't done it alone, but why would you do that? You didn't answer.
“You’re still writing?”
This time, you denied it almost instinctively. The truth is, you didn't want to give additional information to, in a way, a stranger, but you had already screwed up. “No. A long time ago I-“ stopped when you left, but of course you kept quiet.
When it was about Yoongi and whether you thought about the young you who loved that person in front of you so much and how dependent you were on someone who didn't care how you felt, it made you feel so stupid. And it didn't really make sense because you were young and inexperienced, and you had an important bond, so of course you will be hurt, you had more compassion than resentment. But still,
“-just don’t do it anymore.”
You didn't want to feel that weak again. He nodded.
“Why haven't you left if you don't want to be here?” You changed the topic. You weren't looking at him, but you felt his attention return to you, and he responded with his silence, then you looked up, and he avoided you again. “You're still not a party guy?” He didn't respond again, knowing that you knew the answer, so you smiled. “Yeah, you weren't either back then.” You say that just for yourself.
“I want to, though. Hyung it’s happy, and I haven't seen my family in a long time. My dad told me he was waiting for my wedding too. I stayed so maybe the event convinced me.”
“Your dad?” He nodded in disbelief as well. “That doesn’t sound like your dad. And also, the event?” A snort left your mouth as he looked at you, nodding. “ I don’t think it’s just about the event, you know?”
“Yeah. He told me that too.”
You laughed this time. You like that men.
“That doesn’t sound like him either.”
“I know.”
You missed Yoongi’s parents. They were so different from yours.
“You were, I remember.”
“What.”
“A party person. I always went with you and watched you dance because I didn't like it. Then we would leave late and buy ice cream at the convenience store downtown because you always craved some.” You nodded, trying to manage the pain that the memory caused you. “I've never seen you cry in one before.”
You played with the ice that was left, because the question was not directly a question, it was more of a mention, perhaps so as not to ignore what just happened. He knew you wouldn't answer and that you shouldn't either. You wrinkled your nose, uncomfortable.
“Where do you learn all of it?”
 
Containment, you meant.
 
“Hm.” He took a second. “These ten years have been interesting.” A laugh, and you try your best again. “I saw a member of our staff do it to Jungkook once, the first time. We were very young, but I’ve never forgotten it in case it happened again. It happened a couple of times after that, so I… know.”
And it's as if the anguish you had come back to you once you touched where his hands were for the first time in 10 years, and you had to close your eyes just because you felt upset. You didn't want to be there, you remembered. Not only because you didn't want to see him, but because you didn't feel well, and you put him over your emotions again.
Fucking hell.
“Your brother it’s looking for you.” You nodded, opening your eyes slightly.
“Of course he is…” you murmured, overwhelmed, trying to stand up. But you were feeling bad again, so you waited a little.
“Do you want me to-“
“No.”
You didn't know why you were so angry all of a sudden. Your heart was beating again, you started to feel warm even though the place was quite cold because of how big it was, and you were actually grateful that they cared about you, but you had spent all those months feeling like a burden to others.
You tried not to cause too many problems, you didn't want that kind of attention, especially after having been living alone, away from your family for so long, to live with them again. You went from making your own food to your mother having to sit next to you so you could eat something. From leaving early to work to not even knowing what time it was. From calling them to tell them good things, to having to pretend to sleep so as not to receive questions you didn't want to answer. You couldn't take care of yourself, it was something that you were having a hard time facing, because you wanted to do it, to be well so as not to be the burden of your family, but the pain you had was still just as big, and heavy, and it enveloped your entire chest. Squeezing. It didn't let you swallow, speak, cry, or breathe.
You were crying again. This time in silence, you didn't care that Yoongi was watching you in silence too, not knowing what to do.
"Where's the… dump thing you bought.”
He reacted a little slowly but quickly, searching for it, taking it out of his jacket pocket. You nodded.
“Can you clean my face, please? I don’t want to look like this when he finds me, and he will if I go to the bathroom right now.”
That one seemed to get him out of somewhere, because it did take him longer to process the information. He was standing with the towels in his hand and blinking, almost like a cat, a confused one. He didn't say anything, and you didn't think you had said anything wrong, so you got scared, and you wondered if maybe you, in fact, said something wrong.
“I can try, though. You don’t-“
“I’ll do it.”
He sits on the coffee table in front of you. You can smell his strong and manly cologne, and if you raised your eyes to his face enough, you could see him up close, closer than you had for many years again. Older, smelling that way, his marked features but you didn't. Of course not.
You close your eyes.
The two of you were silent, and it took you a few minutes to begin to feel the softness with which he ran over your face, the left side of your cheek, extremely light, almost afraid to touch you. You opened your eyes, and he wasn't looking where he was supposed to clean.
He looked at your face, carefully, perhaps making sure it was really you who was in front of him. He stopped his hand when your eyes connected, and it lasted only a few seconds, but you felt so much tension that you even doubted if it was wrong for you to pretend as if you didn't have things to talk about, before having any kind of contact. Whatever it was.
After that, he looked at you with pity.
The last one that night, you decide.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
You were stronger than him when it came to holding a gaze. He has always been the first to escape, which is why your gaze was very intense, heavy, and powerful. You could do it because you felt it was the most honest way to know if someone could handle you.
“Sorry.”
Yoongi had never been able to look at you for more than five seconds.
He resumed his work with the same smoothness. The music returned to your ears, and you returned to your place, to your life, to the now and to how your body was screaming to get out of there. You closed your eyes, chest tight and hands tense, trying to control their shaking.
You have bigger things to cry about right now than this. You had done it for a long time now; you had no more tears to cry for Min Yoongi, no reason to be nervous anymore, and no reason why you couldn't live in peace anymore.
“I’m sorry about Kija.” His voice was smooth, almost lullaby. He sounds nervous too, and just because of that, your response was also automatic. If it had been genuine, you would have had another panic attack right there.
 
“It’s okay.”
 
‘You are grieving. Don't expect anything better. Let us help you’
 
They were all grieving too.
 
“And I’m sorry I wasn’t- I didn’t know.”
There. Was there when you wanted to scream and punch him so hard enough to make him feel guilty.
“What do you mean.” To be honest, it doesn't even surprise you. You sensed it, but you had the small hope that he saw it… at least. “I texted you. Jae- he give me your number. I was waiting for you at his funeral.”
“Y/N…”
“It’s okay.”
 
You said instead. Yoongi looked terrified.
 
“I-“ he cut himself. “…was-“
You take his hand softly, stopping him. “It’s okay, Yoongi.”
“Wait.” One of his hands is on your wrist, preventing you from getting up. You didn't feel good, but you would do anything to get out of there. Still, you sat back down because you didn’t expect it.
“I’m sorry.”
 
Three.
 
The only thing you could hear was your heart beating; everything went quiet, and the words went away, an echo.
“It’s” You were far enough away to miss his scent or to see his new appearance. It was as if he disappeared into the darkness. “okay.”
And it was okay, not because that was exactly how it was, but because it didn't matter. It was okay because it didn't matter if he responded or not, he didn't have to. You were the one who was doing wrong by continuing to trust someone who had already failed you many times, and now you were choosing not to fall for anything sure.
It was okay, because there was no important bond that bonded you two, and allowed you to do bad things where there was nothing good to destroy.
And it was okay, because you simply didn't want to continue having him in front of you, talking about one of the most important people in your life, and seeing how he looked at you with pity. So it was okay.
 
But Yoongi had said sorry three times that day, and he hadn't been able to genuinely fix any of them.
—————————•。・. ゜・。_______________
teaser masterlist two
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eamour · 2 months
Text
all about techniques.
there are so so many techniques and methods that people have come up with to make manifesting easier and more entertaining. so, let’s talk about the most important points when practicing those techniques!
manifestation techniques.
a technique in terms of manifesting is a method to make you experience the satisfaction of your desire within your imagination. it does not only make manifesting easier and more enjoyable for you but it also helps you to shift your concept of self. you can use any technique to help you embody or identify with your desire.
techniques don’t manifest.
the problem with techniques in manifestation (such as visualisation, affirmations, sats, the "i am/void"-state) is that people tend to assign power to these techniques — more power than to themselves.
again, a method is supposed to HELP and ASSIST you. it’s not doing any of the creating-your-reality work, unlike you. YOU are indeed manifesting things into your reality, with or without a technique. remember. you are manifesting at all times, you are occupying all sorts of states throughout the day, making your current state of consciousness manifest. are you scripting for each state which you NATURALLY shift to? no matter what technique you do, its only purpose is to help you create experiences you would like to have mentally. that’s where all manifestations take place first — in the MIND. not because you have written it down on paper.
all techniques are equal.
when i say "equal", i'm not saying that each technique is the same in terms of what you're doing and how you're doing it. no, all techniques are equal because they all FUNCTION equally and guarantee the same results. no technique works better than the other. no technique is either superior, or inferior.
here's the thing: the reason why people say "this technique works so much better and faster for me!" is because they favour it. they enjoy doing it. doing the technique feels natural to them and doesn’t require a lot of effort. it’s not something that they have to bring themselves to do with force — they LIKE doing it. that’s because we are all different. i know people who could write a fucking novel with the scripts they have in mind. then i know people who love to affirm whenever they can because they think it’s convenient for them to do. and then there is me who loves to listen to music and visualise my desired scenes. what we have in common is that we do all these techniques because they suit us and we can choose to try any other technique whenever we want. we aren’t tied to one technique only. sometimes i end up writing a whole list of things that i want to have, accept it as mine, and go on with my day. works JUST as well as visualising.
please, do not …
... force it · for example, the scenes you could visualise when trying to fulfill yourself or let yourself experience a scenario you desire should come to you naturally. the affirmation you would like to use should feel natural to you. a technique is always something you choose to do voluntarily. it isn’t a rule you need to follow. you're not obligated to do this exact technique for this long and that many days, and so on.
... perfect it · when you do a technique, it’s not your goal to do it as perfect and as accurate as possible. you don’t have to visualise a picture perfect scene, nor will you fail to manifest if you miss to affirm the rest of your affirmations-list. you can forget details when scripting, be as detailed or vague in your visual scenes, or only affirm one single affirmation — that’s perfectly fine! your perfect scene in imagination or your affirmations aren’t what makes it perfect in the physical world, it’s the FEELING you get from it. if you can perfectly FULFILL yourself, then it will be perfectly reflected back to you in its physical form. inner acceptance is what creates fulfillment, not the perfection of a technique.
... complicate it · a technique cannot put you into a spiral and make you question your whole reality just because you think you haven’t done it "correctly". there is no right way to do a technique and no fixed way to practice it. do whatever you like and however you like it!
... follow others · now, you can definitely try a technique that seems interesting to you, that has been introduced to you by others or that you think will be enjoyable. nevertheless, a technique that feels normal and natural to others doesn’t have to feel normal and natural to you. don’t commit to doing something because you think or you've been told that this is the technique you need to do in order to manifest your desire.
no have to's, only want to's.
the premise of each and every technique is that you WANT to do it. there is no forcing, no pushing, no "need to" or "have to". it’s personal, it’s something YOU like doing, not what the bigger collective seems to be practicing. this is what i always remind myself of when practicing anything loa related: you cannot commit to something you dont love, you’ll cheat. meaning, you won’t be able to do a technique properly (as in, having and being), therefore won’t change self and remain the exact same.
if you like visualising, do it! if you like affirming all the time, do it! if you like counting your affirmations, do it! if you like scripting, do it! if you do the lullaby method before going to bed, do it! if you like rampaging after you wake up, do it! again, you are the creator and you choose which technique(s) suits you the best.
what to do.
when manifesting with the help of a technique, focus on inner acceptance. accept your desire as factual. make it a present, undeniable fact. because accepting your desire to be true means to identify with it in imagination, therefore you BE or HAVE it. that’s your goal, that’s your priority.
with love, ella.
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natlovesls2 · 4 months
Text
Right Where You Left Me
Lando Norris x Fem!Reader
Warning: no use of y/n, swearing, some angst, all images used are not mine and are from pinterest, possible grammatical errors, mentions of blood once or twice, randomly changes pov, brief mention of mental illness (and the slight misunderstanding it/ disregarding it), I'm American (I think that should be a warning 🤷‍♀️ ), a little rushed, there might be more that I missed, feel free to correct me
Word Count: 1.4k
Summary: Lando living in the past or literally Taylor Swifts RWYLM
Quick note: italics are flashbacks and normal font is present time
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.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。
Lando sat on the bar stool at the restaurant you both had frequented during the relationship, a place of sentimental value. He stared at the table where it had all happened– where your relationship had started and where it had ended. The table next to the window that overlooked the bustling streets, where on that rainy day he had mustered all his courage and asked you to be his girlfriend. The small table that barely fit both of your food and was often uncomfortable to fit at. The table with the mix-match chairs because the original were old and Lando had broken one of the chairs on your first date. The same table that he continued to seek out despite its lack of hope. 
He looked up from his menu and stared at you, admiring how your face filled with concentration and indecision despite frequently eating there. You would sit there staring at the menu for minutes, occasionally asking for his opinion on what to order, asking the waitress for more time when she approached to take your order. It was the same routine every time the two of you went out, he knew you would eventually sigh and order some type of pasta. 
“Okay, okay– I’ll just get the soup of the day,” you said, catching him off guard. He quickly looked up from his own menu, brows furrowed in confusion at your choice of food. 
“Soup?” he asked, tilting his head as he asked, watching as you nodded and looked at the window being hit by a steady stream of rain. 
“It’s cold outside,” you said with a shrug and a soft smile that reminded Lando of all the reasons he had fallen for you. He watched as you smiled at the elderly couple beside you and the way you quickly stood up to help the man when he dropped his silverware. 
“How long have you been married for?” you asked the couple as you placed the silverwave back on their table. The dinner went on with you occasionally making conversation with the elderly couple, smiling widely at them. You would turn to Lando a few times, whispering about wanting to be exactly like them when you both got older. 
“Marry her, don’t let her get away,” the older man said to Lando, patting him on the back as he and his wife left, causing Lando to chuckle.
“He’s not wrong… I shouldn’t let you go,” he said, nervously playing with the food on his plate. There was silence– not an awkward unmanageable silence but the thoughtful, yet comforting type. He glanced up from the table, noticing your small smile and it gave him enough courage to finally ask; “Well, I guess what I’m trying to say… umm– will you be my girlfriend?” he whispered, quickly averting his gaze back to his plate. 
“If you’re not joking right now, I would love to be your girlfriend.”
The couple that approached the table and sat there brought him back to his senses, forcing him to turn away, reminding him that the table and its memories no longer belonged to him. The table had been snatched from him, you had taken it and destroyed every last bit of it. Using its worn wood to make a boat which you had used to sail away from his life– metaphorically of course. 
He supposes he doesn’t know the exact point in which the relationship started to deteriorate. One moment you both seemed to be hopelessly in love with one another, and the next you were distancing yourself from Lando and your shared friendships– playing it off as being busy focused on your work and studies. He could still somehow vividly remember the day you left– still feeling the weight of the night suffocating him.
“Let’s just go and have dinner, if you still feel bad we could leave early,” Lando whispered as he wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his head against your back. 
The drive to the restaurant was silent– the type of silence that made anyone feel uneasy. The type of silence that would push you to nervously pick at the skin around your nails until it bled. 
“Do you want me to order for you?” Lando asked, looking up from his menu to see you staring down at your hands as you continued to quickly and nervously pick at your skin. “Hey are you okay?”
“Hmm? Oh yeah, I’m fine– you wouldn’t mind ordering for me would you?” you asked him, your voice sounding distant and void of emotion as you finally noticed the small pricks of blood– carelessly wiping it off on your jeans.
“I don’t mind at all… are you sure you’re okay?”
“I think we should break up,” you impulsively said, nervously running your hands along your thighs in order to stop the urge to continue to pick at your skin.
“If this is because of your… issues then we can work through it together. You don't have to struggle alone,” he whispered, desperately attempting to save the relationship, which he thought was stronger than ever. 
“That's not what this is about, Lando–”
“Then what is it? Because I don't see why we have to break up. I love you and I thought you felt the same way.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Then what do you expect me to do? I’m not going to sit back and watch you destroy this because you’re going through a mood” he reaches over the table to grab your hands in his own, as an attempt to calm you. 
“I don’t… I don’t find joy in this anymore– it has nothing to do with my mental health. We aren’t the people we were when we first got together, Lando. I want more than this– I know I want more than this” you responded, moving your hands out of his own.
“And I can’t give you more?”
“I’m sorry” you abruptly stood from your chair, walking out of the restaurant. Lando stayed there for what felt like an eternity, body frozen with shock and slight embarrassment. 
He felt the eyes of their waiter, who you had become rather close with over the years, sympathetic eyes that made contact with his own as he attempted to keep himself together. 
“Haven’t seen you here in a while, you want the usual or something new?” Alex, the waiter who had witnessed the whole relationship, asked. 
“You still remember my order?”
“Of course I do,” Alex let out a small laugh, “You and… you practically lived here before you stopped coming.”
“Yeah, I guess I did. I’ll take the usual then” Lando turned to look at the table once more, envying the happy couple that now claimed the weathered table as their own. 
“I don't mean to overstep but I’ve seen her come with some guy. I think it's time for you to move on– I mean, clearly she has”
Lando nodded, slowly turning away from the table watching as Alex sadly smiled at him before walking towards the kitchen. You had been here with another man– moved on, as Alex had put it. He struggled to look straight ahead, the table in some weird way had a sort of magnetic pull on him. It urged him to take one final look at it– it wanted to taunt him with what ifs and happy painful memories. The sound of cheers finally pushed him to turn towards the table once more. Watching as the couple that sat there promised to marry one another– the table had issued one final blow. A reminder to Lando that you would never want that with him, he would never be able to promise himself to you at that damned table– it now belonged to someone else.
 He supposed it never really belonged to him to begin with. He had been stupid to think that a table would be the glue that would forever hold your relationship together. Of course, he would be lying if he said he didn't still love you or yearn for your affection. If you ever thought you were wrong about your decision that night, he would take you back in an instant. But as he sat there in the suffocatingly happy atmosphere, he couldn't help but think that perhaps the table wasn’t as important as he had thought it to be. Maybe, just maybe, it was time to move on– to start over.
“Hey,” said a voice from beside him. 
He couldn’t help the smile that came to his face as he turned to look at the source of the soft voice, “Hey.”
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。
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nevvdrinksteaa · 6 months
Text
favors pt. ii
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
this is part two of this post, i suggest reading that before reading this!
this is my first time writing smut, so please don’t bully me too bad - that being said i honestly think i kinda killed it ngl
also,, i suggest listening to like real people do by hozier during the slow dance bc it was my inspo and it really helps set the scene
~~~
pairing: mike schmidt x reader
original prompt: you’re abby’s babysitter and mike can’t pay you and asks if there’s anything you can do in return and you mention that you need a date to your brother’s wedding
warnings: 18+ nsfw smut, cheating, pet names, afab!reader (p in v) unprotected sex, daddy kink, spitting, cum swapping, throat fucking, spanking, oral (male and female), praise kink, dirty talk, choking, etc etc
word count: 6k
this is NOT proof read so if there are any mistakes ignore them! i believe that anyone of any shape or size and anyone of color can enjoy this. i don’t believe there is any description of physical appearance other than the use of the word ‘curves’ (please please correct me if i’m wrong, i don’t want to make assumptions about anything!!)
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After some back and forth with himself, Mike decided to invite you over even though you didn’t need to babysit Abby. He wanted to talk about what he needed to wear to the wedding, what time to pick you up, and if you were staying overnight at the hotel so he could try to find a sitter for Abby. He’s never been to a wedding, not one that he can remember anyway. He wanted to make sure you were both on the same page and to him, texting everything just wouldn’t suffice.
Maybe that’s just what he kept telling himself. Maybe he just wanted to see you again. Maybe he wanted to ask you just how serious your relationship was. Is there any way he could squeeze in and replace your current partner? Could he do better than him? Make you cum harder and faster than him? He didn’t even know his name and he was so envious. Jesus, he needed to get a grip, he knew if you could hear his thoughts, you would hate him.
You were sat across from Mike, crisscrossed apple sauce style on the floor. You had a few loose papers, notes you had written last night to read off to the brown-haired boy. You were trying to make sure he was following along with the description of your family. You watched him make mental notes of everything you said, nodding every once and a while. You were nervous, to say the least, you hadn’t had a boyfriend meet your family in a while.
Your family was awful, complaining and nitpicking about everything in your life, nothing good enough for them. You were the oldest of your siblings and your cousins, but way behind in your career, you weren’t married, and you didn’t have any children. When you didn’t bring a date of some sort, they made sure to call you out on that, ‘Maybe it’s just something we’ll have to get used to’, ‘single again? No surprise there’. When you did bring a date it was the exact opposite, ‘You could do so much better’, ‘that’s the best you could do? We thought we raised you better’. It was quite embarrassing.
“My mom is going to be the most difficult, she is very hostile and she loves to pick everything I do apart.” Mike visibility gulped, nodding and making a mental note to limit his contact with your mom. “I think that’s everyone. We will probably need to do some hand-holding and some cheek kisses, some pet names maybe, but nothing that will make you uncomfortable, I already feel bad enough that I had to drag you to this and-”
Mike reached over and grabbed your hand that was resting on top of the coffee table, “Don’t worry about me. I’m a big boy, if I didn't want to do it I would've just said no. I want to help you”
You squeezed his hand, softly smiling at him. “I’m going shopping tomorrow morning for a dress, I’ll buy a tie for you while I’m out and drop it off once I’m finished if that’s okay?” you pick up your phone and keys off the table, standing up feeling the little shocks of electricity poke your legs after being in the same position for too long.
“Of course pretty girl, you can stop by whenever you want” Mike scolded himself, looking straight to the floor, regretting the words as soon as they came out of his mouth.
You look up from the pile of notes you collected, feeling the soft red form on your cheeks. Pretty…
“I’ll be back tomorrow, I’ll text you when I’m on my way,” you say as you walk towards the door, “Bye Abby!” you yell to the girl sitting at the dining table, knowing you won’t be getting a response back, shutting the door behind you. Pretty…
Pretty, Pretty, Pretty.
Those were your only thoughts as you got in your car, buckled in, and started to drive.
~~~
Mike tugged at the forest green tie you bought him trying to make the placement look presentable. Mike hated ties, associating ties with job interviews, sitting in uncomfortable chairs trying to look and sound better than he would be on his first day of the job, just to be there a few miserable weeks until he inevitably gets fired. Nothing good ever came from Mike wearing a tie and he was hoping that you were the solution to solving that problem.
He was combing his curls when he heard a knock at his door, “Abby, get the door, she’s here!”
He heard her desk chair slide against the floor, her little feet fast as lightning to get the door for you, giggling the whole way.
“Oh wow,” the younger sibling looks at you in awe “You look beautiful like a princess!”
“Awe, thank you, Abby” You walk through the doorframe, “Mike are you ready? We need to leave in the next ten if you want to drop Abby off and be on time!”
He walked out of the bathroom, flicking the light off as he exited and looking down the hall, about to tell his sister to put on her shoes he stopped in his tracks. He couldn’t look anywhere but you. ‘Fuck’ he thought, ‘you look so beautiful’ Your hair done just right, a matching green mid-length dress that was tight to your curves, hugging every inch of your body, strappy silver heels that he knew would make you slightly taller than his small frame. Abby was right, you do look like a princess.
You suddenly noticed Mike's eyes on you, pulling away from your conversation with Abby, feeling slightly bad for cutting off her story about her new robot animal friends. “Is everything okay?” Mike didn’t answer, zoned out in his thoughts, “Do I look that bad?”
Feeling super self-conscious, you start to fold your arms on your body, trying to hide as much as possible. Mike immediately notices your body language change.
“No, you look so beautiful. That dress fits you really well.” Mike spoke softly, afraid of looking anywhere other than your eyes as if you’d be able to read his mind if he looked away.
“Thank you, Mike, you don’t look so bad yourself.” You eyed him up and down, his brown curls more pronounced, uncommonly neat, and taken care of, his matching tie slightly crooked, a small white handkerchief pinned to the front. “Very handsome”
Abby pulled you both away from your thoughts, finding it silly that you both just stared at one another not really speaking in full sentences. “Why are you guys looking at each other like that, it’s weird.”
Mike looked away first, embarrassed that a child called him out, “Abs go put your shoes on and grab your stuff, we’re going to be late.”
“Can’t I just come with you guys? I’ll be good, I promise!”
“I’m sorry Abby, my brother doesn’t want any kids coming, this is an adult party,” you say trying to make her not feel so bad, “but I promise you’ll have so much fun at Vanessa’s, don’t tell her I told you her secret but she’s buying pizza AND cookies”
The younger sibling looked at you with big eyes and a toothy grin, scurrying off to her room, singing ‘pizza and cookies’ over and over until she made it to the doorway.
“Ready?” you asked Mike as you started following Abby to the car, Mike grabbed his wallet and locked the door behind him as he followed you to your car.
~~~
The car ride wasn’t as awkward as you thought it would be, at first it was small talk, Mike asking questions about your job and your boyfriend, Parker, and what he does for work.
You turned into childhood stories, you telling him about your first kiss, which was with your middle school boyfriend and you both came in way too fast. “There is no way you broke your tooth!” “I did, It took me three weeks of it missing before my parents could get an appointment for me to fix it.” you reply giggling, “I had the worst lisp and it was the most embarrassing time of my life.”
“I’m sure it was cute, I would have loved to see it”
“You would’ve laughed at me, my brother called me Mike Tyson for months, even after I fixed it.”
Mike chuckled as he turned into the venue, trying to find a parking space. The hour-long drive went by quickly. Now your nerves were starting to appear, seeing all of your perfect family congregating at the entrance and talking with each other, wearing expensive clothes, topped with expensive jewelry. Not ready for them to pick apart your looks, personality, and everything else that they can think of. Mike noticed your anxiety and grabbed your hand, squeezing it tightly.
“We could always go back if you want. We can sleep over at my house and order some Chinese food.”
“As great as that sounds, my brother would probably beat me up over me missing this” You squeezed Mike’s hand, “Let’s just go and get this over with.” You step out of the car and grab your purse, waiting for Mike at the front of the car, he collects his things and stands in front of you. You grab his tie, quickly straightening it. You finished and looked up at him, keeping your hands on his chest. You looked up to Mike, suddenly feeling embarrassed that you two were so close together.
You never noticed how nice Mike’s body was. He was always wearing something baggy, usually torn, his black suit was the nicest you’ve seen him in. ‘He was so handsome’ you thought. You pulled your hands from his chest, “Ready?”
Mike grabbed your hand, face turning a light shade of red at the intimate contact, interlacing both of your fingers together. Smiling to himself, “I’m ready”
~~~
The ceremony was beautiful. Everything seemed to go perfectly for your brother and his new wife, watching the two from the front row. Mike wrapped his hand around your waist during the vows, handing you his handkerchief after watching you shed a few tears. You leaned into the contact, feeling comfort in Mike’s arms. You stand up with everyone else and watch your brother and his wife walk hand in hand down the aisle, cheering and clapping loudly. After a few moments, you and Mike followed your family, grabbing his hand instinctively.
You find your seat at the table, set down your purse, and ask Mike if he wants a drink from the bar, making your way up front after he answers. You turn around with your drinks, stopping when you see your mom sitting next to Mike at your table.
‘Oh shit,’ you muttered to yourself, slowing your pace and hoping she’ll be gone by the time you make it back. You try to read her as you walk back, her face is soft as Mike speaks and suddenly they both start laughing. No one you’ve ever dated has ever made your mom laugh, she looked nice like that, you haven’t seen her like that since before her divorce.
You sit on the opposite side of Mike, handing him the glass. “Hi, Mom”
“Hi sweetheart, you look nice!”
“Thank you” You were stunned, you couldn’t remember the last time your mom complimented you.
“I was just talking to Mike, he’s the sweetest thing! He was just telling me about his sister. She sounds so cute.”
You looked over at Mike, who was smirking towards you. He stood up, telling you both he was going to find a bathroom, squeezing your shoulder softly as he left the table. You smiled at him and watched him walk away.
“I like him!” your mom finally spoke, once Mike got far enough away
“Really?”
“Of course, he’s handsome and he’s funny. He seems to like you. I think he’s a good fit for you,” you shivered at the nice comments from your mother, not often hearing such things. “You better not screw this one up.”
“Thanks, Mom, I won’t”
You smiled at her as she walked away telling you she was going to find your aunt to talk about how ugly the centerpiece arrangements your brother’s mother-in-law picked out were, you laughed, there was your mom.
You sat there alone with your thoughts. You were thinking about what would happen if you were actually with Mike. You could imagine coming home to him after work every morning, making him and Abby breakfast, and falling asleep with him after a long day. You don’t do that with Parker, you hardly see him, his job keeping him away from you for weeks at a time.
Mike sat back down, disrupting your thoughts. “How did I do?” motioning towards your mom, who was across the room rolling her eyes at something your aunt said.
“You did great, she really liked you. She didn’t say anything negative the whole time she was at the table!” Your eyes were wide, excited to tell Mike how the unusual interaction went.
Before he could reply, your brother and his wife walked into the room hand in hand, getting set in the middle of the dance floor to start the first dance. A slow song started to play, and they danced hand in hand, him twirling her around every once in a while. The song finished with a kiss, everyone cheering for them and they started to wave at everyone to come up and dance, the song changing to something more upbeat. You grab Mike’s hand, rushing to the middle of the room. You both started dancing, laughing at how bad dancers you both were.
Eventually, everyone was called back to the tables as dinner was about to start. You sat down next to Mike, taking a sip of your water, laughing about something he said as you both sat down.
“I’ve never danced like that before,” Mike said after finishing off his water, slightly out of breath
“God, me either. I’m exhausted and my feet hurt”
“You want me to rub them for you baby?”
“Maybe later,” you winked, smirking towards him.
Mike smirked back, knowing that he would hold you to that. He watched you all night, watching the way you danced, swaying your body to the beat of every song, slight sweat growing on your body, the way your eyes squinted and you threw your head back every time someone said something funny. You looked so beautiful and in your element, comfortable and confident.
~~~
After dinner you walked up to the DJ, whispering a request for him. He smiled, picked up a mic, and started to tap on it lightly, grabbing everyone’s attention.
“ladies and gentlemen, with dinner wrapping up, I’d like to slow it down just a little bit”
Like Real People Do by Hozier started playing.
Mike watched you walk back to the table, standing next to him putting your hand on his shoulder. “may I have this dance, sir?” you say holding out your hand, giggling to Mike.
“of course, m’lady,” Mike says, holding your hand and leading the way to the floor. He took one of your hands in his, his other one holding tightly on your waist. You both start to sway with the music, looking towards Mike who starts to speak.
“I think we’re going to be the only ones to dance to this song.” You looked around noticing everyone still placed in their seats, eyes glued toward you both.
You nodded, staying silent and continuing to move around. You move both of your hands up to his neck, interlocking your fingers behind his head, him holding you close at his waist.
You just stared at him in disbelief, days ago you remembered him telling you he doesn’t dance. Now here he was, slow dancing to your favorite song in front of your entire family. He looked into your eyes, they were softer than you’ve ever seen them. He looked comfortable, happy, relaxed. He looked towards your lips, licking his own.
‘Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips,
we should just kiss like real people do.’
Using all the confidence you built tonight, you leaned your head forward to Mike’s, kissing him softly. Mike didn’t waste a moment, kissing you back with so much passion. This was the best kiss you’ve ever had. You both grinned at each other as you pulled away. You stepped closer to him, resting your head on his chest. All you could think about was his lips on yours, how you wanted this moment forever.
“Thank you for coming, I’m having a great time, and my family really likes you”
“I’m glad I could help, I’d do anything for you”
The song finished and you reluctantly pulled away from Mike, you heard a few people clap and you looked up from his gauze, noticing your family was grinning, smiling, throwing a few thumbs up in your direction. You laughed and bowed towards everyone, walking back towards the table.
“You want to go back to the hotel room?” Mike asked, taking the cue from a few of the other guests grabbing their belongings and saying their goodbyes.
“Yeah, let’s go” You grab your stuff and head up to the table where your brother and his best man are sitting, telling him to stand up to hug you goodbye.
You hugged your brother, giving him congratulations as you did so. He whispered in your ear before he let go. “I like him a lot more than Parker”
You just smiled and held a finger to your lips. “I do too but don’t spill my secrets”
You grabbed Mike's hand and walked to the front of the venue, he stopped you outside, bending down to take off your shoes knowing they weren’t very comfortable anymore. The small action makes you blush, thinking about how kind it was of him to remember the conversation from earlier. He held onto your shoes for you the entire walk down to the car, the cold grass feeling cool on your skin. He opened the car door for you, waiting for you to get in before shutting the door for you.
You were in our own world as he drove down the road to the hotel. You were thankful that Mike was here with you, you couldn’t imagine yourself being with anyone else right now and that was a problem. You had a someone else, who right now didn’t exist to you, and you racked your brain on the best way to end it. You in good conscience, couldn’t continue your relationship with Parker, ready to end it with a quick text right then and there and deciding to at least wait until the morning.
“Your brain okay?” Mike jokes, pulling you from your thoughts, “You’re thinking way to hard about something over there and you better not let it ruin your night, you’re mean when you’re cranky”
You giggle, looking into his coffee colored eyes, getting super serious grabbing his hand and squeezing, “Nothing could ruin tonight”
~~~
You threw yourself down on the bed, lying down while mumbling something about needing a shower. Mike set the overnight beds on the table in the corner of the room.
“You can take the first shower if you want Mike, I might take a nap while I wait”
Mike chuckled and started to collect his things for the shower, glancing over at you, laying on your back with your feet hanging off the bed, hand over your eyes to cover the light in the room.
Mike was sad the night was over, wanting to continue to be close to you in every way imaginable. He saw the strap of your dress had fallen on one side, the dress slightly raising higher and higher on your thighs with every swing of your legs.
“You know,” Mike started, You pulled your arm away from your face, turning your whole body to look at him, humming in response, “that massage is still on the table if you want one.”
You felt your body get hot, the thought of Mike rubbing all over your body started to turn you on, and you felt butterflies form in the pit of your stomach.
“If you’re willing, I wouldn’t turn you down.”
Mike moved across the room embarrassingly quickly, wanting to touch you before you changed your mind. You chuckled at his eagerness, knowing he wanted this as much as you did.
“Lie down on your stomach, I’ll give you the best massage of your life.”
You flip over on your stomach, arms crossed with your head resting on top of them. Your breath hitches when you feel Mike’s hand touch your calf, putting pressure down with his thumb making small circles.
You felt yourself relax at his touch, every grip of his hands pushing you into a frenzy. You hummed when you felt his hands move from your calf to your thigh, his grip getting stronger and tighter when he realized you weren’t going to stop him.
Mike heard your soft moans as he pressed into your skin. He loved hearing your sounds, he felt himself growing hard in his bottoms knowing he was making you feel so good. He moved to your back starting from the bottom of your back, headed towards your shoulder blades.
You leaned up to sit on your knees, making Mike stop in his tracks.
“Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” seeing Mike upset and immediately thinking the worst, you put a comforting hand on his arm.
“No, it felt amazing, I just felt like something was in the way” You reach behind you, gripping the zipper of your dress and slowly pulling it down. You slipped the straps of the dress down, the top of the dress slipping below your breasts. You looked up at Mike, his eyes hooded and glossed over. ‘holy shit’ he says low, so low you can barely hear it.
“What's wrong baby, you’ve never seen boobs before?” You see the clogs in his brain turning, trying to form words, occasionally looking down from your face to take a quick glance at your exposed nipples, hardening in the cold air.
He leaned down to your face, his lips barely glazing yours, one hand coming up to cup your cheek, his other hand reaching to pinch your nipple, rolling it between his fingers. “Is this okay?”
You nod in response leaning forward, closing the gap between you two, kissing him with so much need. You let your hands travel to the buttons on his shirt, finishing and sliding the top down his shoulders.
Mike was quick, thinking about this moment one too many times, thinking about your boyfriend and how he’s going to make you forget about him, thinking about if this were the only opportunity he would ever get he would make sure to go all out, making sure you dream about him the way he does you.
He pulls away and pushes you down on the bed, he pulls the dress down your legs removing it the rest of the way and tossing it down to the floor. “Tell me if anything gets to be too much.”
“Fuck, you’re so sexy.” He toys with the lace on your underwear, leaning down to plant kisses on your thighs.
You feel his fingers move down to touch your clothed clit, rubbing softly. You push your hips up, feeling your body feel with need, wanting more.
You lace your fingers in his hair as he starts to leave hickeys on your sensitive thighs. “Fuck Mike I need-” You take a deep breath unable to formulate words.
Mike looks up from his place on your thighs, moving his head towards your pussy. “Tell me what you need, pretty girl.”
The name sent butterflies in every part of your body, you could feel yourself growing needier every second passed by. Your nipples were painfully hard and you could feel how soaked you were through your underwear. He continued to rub your clit, underwear molding to your shape.
You took a deep breath, tears starting to form at the corners of your eyes “Please more, I need you to touch me, however you want. just need more”
Mike pulled your underwear to the side, finally touching you, fingers falling from your clit to your dripping hole. “Look at this pretty pussy, s’all wet just for me?”
He pulled his finger away and placed it in your mouth, “Suck” You leaned forward sucking his fingers with everything you had, swirling your tongue around.
Mike looked up from your pussy, peeping up from his eyelashes to watch you suck his fingers. He was painfully hard, thinking about your mouth around his cock, eyes full of tears and drool dripping from your swollen lips.
He leaned down to lick from your hole to your clit, taking his time. He wanted you to know that you were the only thing on his mind, and you did, he started to eat you out like he was starved and this was his last meal. pulling you close until his hands gripped your thighs so hard you were sure to have bruises, nose rubbing your clit, everything adding up to the knot in your stomach.
“Fuck baby, you taste so fucking good. Could taste this pussy every fucking day.” You tugged on his curls harder, each word spurring you on, getting you closer and closer.
“Fuck baby, I’m so close”
He hummed and added a finger to your tight hole “You going to cum for me, baby? Cum on my mouth like a good girl, so good for me”
Your thighs squeezed him as you came, letting out a loud moan. He continued to lick and suck, drawing your orgasm out longer. It started to become too much and you pulled him back to face you. You kissed him, feeling his wet stubble on your face, reaching your hand down to his pants and rubbing your fingers over his clothed cock.
With shaking hands you started to undo his belt, flipping you both over until you were between his thighs. Pulling his pants down, Mike kicked them off, and you stared at him in awe at his size. You took him in his hand, starting to rub slowly, not breaking eye contact.
He grabbed your face, and squeezed your cheeks together, forcing your mouth open “Can I?” You stuck your tongue out in response, eyes full of lust.
Suddenly a long trail of spit left his and entered yours, “Use it, pretty girl” You kept your mouth sitting up on your knees to get face to face with his cock, and you let the mixture of spit fall from your mouth, making a mess on his lap. Your hand started to move quicker with the added lube, you leaned forward. Licking from the bottom all the way to the top, one of your hands leaving his thighs to make your way to his balls. You started to tease him and sucked only the tip, Mike's hips jerked forward in response, forcing you to take more in your warm mouth.
You started to pick up your pace, taking in as much as you possibly could his groans spurred you on to take even more, “‘s so fucking sexy seeing my dick in your mouth, want to fuck that throat so bad” He collected your hair into a makeshift ponytail, grip tight. You pulled off looking above you to see Mike’s tightly closed eyes, your hand replacing your lips, keeping pace with what you made with your mouth.
“Do it”
Mike opened his eyes quickly, “Are you sure?”
“Stand up and fuck my throat baby, ‘s alright”
Mike stood upright, keeping his grip on your hair as you shifted your body around to get comfortable.
“Just smack my leg if it gets to be too much pretty girl”
You nodded in response, wasting no time opening your mouth for his cock, placing both hands on his legs, gripping tight in preparation for what was about to come.
Mike went right to work, shoving in and out quickly, getting spurred on by the tears and sounds coming from you. Pushing your head back and forth in a bobbing motion, gagging every time he pressed as deep as possible.
“Look so pretty with my dick in your mouth” He pulled your mouth off him, and you moved your hand from his thigh to stroke him. He took a moment to look at your cockdrunk expression. Lips puffy, tear-stained cheeks, your chest breathing in and out heavily. “You going to let me cum in your mouth baby? Tell me, pretty girl, tell me what you want”
He felt your grip on his dick tighten, you moved one of your hands to touch yourself over your lace panties, feeling your wetness soaked through at his words. “Yes sir, want your cum in my mouth.”
You went right back to work, lips wrapping tightly around his dick. You gave him head as your life depended on it, needing to see how he looked while he came, what sounds he’d make, what mess he'd make.
You started to feel Mike’s hips falter, his once strong movements becoming staggered and you knew he was close. “Fuck- I’m coming. Fucking take it.” You looked up at him, dick pressed far down your throat, feeling the hot liquid start to seep out the sides of your mouth. “Swallow all of it. That’s my good girl”
Mike let go of the grip on your hair and pulled out of your mouth, wincing at the overstimulation. He pulled you up to lay on your back on the bed, leaning over you. You watched Mike’s fingers on your thigh, collecting the spilled cum that fell from your mouth, and placing them in his mouth. The salty liquid kept in his mouth until he leaned his lips towards yours, you opened your mouth with anticipation. A long string of cum filled spit falling into your eager mouth, gulping instinctively.
“Had to make sure you swallowed all of it” he murmured before pressing his lips roughly to yours. You laced your fingers around his neck, pulling him down further, needing to be closer to him. You moaned when he pulled away to start kissing your neck, sucking and biting to mark you up. He pulled your underwear off and started to rub his dick against you, feeling your hips joining him in the motions.
You were in a state of bliss, never even thinking this feeling was a possibility. Mike handling you like his own personal fuck toy, marking you up to show you off, his cock grinding against your clit like he was going to cum just like that. You push him off of you, flipping him over to get on top, straddling his thighs. You lined his dick up to your entrance, going at a slow pace to adjust to his size, stopping to steady yourself when you got to the end, hands on his chest with your eyes closed.
Mike was patient, as much as he wanted to destroy you and your tight pussy, he wanted you to feel good. He kept one hand on your hip, keeping you steady, moving the other one to your clit, trying to help get you comfortable. Almost immediately you moaned and started to move your hips, painfully slow up and down.
“You look so beautiful like this, stuffed full of my cock.” Mike’s hands moved to your hips, helping you move faster and faster. With your pretty tits in his face and your tight cunt wrapped around him, eyes rolling back in your head and your moans loud enough the entire hotel could hear you.
“Fuck daddy, you feel so fucking good” Mike groaned at your voice. The name causes him to rut his hips up to meet yours, causing you to fall forward, holding onto his shoulders. His pace was fast and rough, hands in a tight grip on your sides, nibbling on your neck as he pounds into you, bringing you closer and closer to your orgasm. “You going to cum on daddy’s cock? Let me feel you, baby, show me how good I make you feel.”
“Gonna cum daddy, s’ fucking good” You moan in his ear, nails digging into his skin as you come undone, mumbling a string of thank yous. Mike’s movements start to slow down, trying to give you a moment to recover.
With your breath heavy, you bring your lips to Mike’s as you slowly pull off of him. You pull away from the kiss and both hiss at the loss of contact, you sit up on your knees, locking your eyes with his own.
“Want you to bend me over,” Your voice is soft as you slowly start to bend over, arching your back “and make me take it hard.”
He is quick to get behind you, taking his dick in his hands and rubbing it up and down your wet slit. “my pretty fucking pussy” You push back at his teasing movements, clit pulsing and eyes rolling back.
“Mike please”, you beg. He brings his hand down and suddenly you feel a sharp sting on your ass, yelping in surprise. “Come on pretty girl, you can do better than that.”
“Daddy please, I need you- need your cock. Need you to fill me up and-” Your words were cut off, Mike pushing deep into you, moving quickly, causing you to lose your breath.
He grabs your hips and starts to pull you back onto him as he slams deep inside, hitting that spot inside you. “Fuck baby, taking it so good for me”
He grabs your hair in his hands, pulling your back to be flush to his chest. He nibbles at your earlobe and places his hand on your neck, squeezing lightly.
The feeling was unbearable, the room filled with deep breaths and skin on skin. Goosebumps cover your skin as Mike’s grip on your throat gets tighter. You could feel your orgasm approaching, tears forming in your eyes.
“Taking me so well baby” You moan, his praise pushing you closer. “Tight little pussy fits so well around my cock”
“Fuck- ‘m cumming” You feel your body unravel, thighs shaking as you start to see spots. Mike lets you go and you fall forward. He gives you three deep thrusts before his pace starts to fall, signaling he’s close. “Me too baby, me too”
He gives one last deep push and releases deep inside you. You both lay there for a few moments, panting and euphoric. He groans as he pulls out and you turn to lie on your side, watching him as he walks to the bathroom. He comes back with a warm washcloth, wiping you down. He sets it on the table once he’s finished and sits down beside you, moving your head so it can rest in his lap as he starts to play with your hair.
You lean up to kiss him, biting his lip as you pull away, smiling to yourself as you notice he’s growing hard again. You stand up, legs slightly wobbly. “Care to join me?” you smirked towards him as you sauntered towards the bathroom, hips slightly swinging. Mike watches as you walk away, eyes lingering all over your body. You turned to face him as you reached the doorway, waiting for him to follow you.
“We’re definitely going to take advantage of the late checkout” He chuckles as he stands from his spot to start round two in the shower.
338 notes · View notes
l5byrinth · 10 months
Text
dress
“even in my worst times, you could see the best of me”
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pairing: cam cameron x fem!reader
summary: in which you and cam have hated each other for as long as you can remember. but what if that hatred wasn’t actually what you thought it was.
warnings: fluff, angst (a little idk), enemies to lovers, lmk if i should add more, not edited
a/n: FINALLY i’m back yall!! i’ll probably disappear for like another few months again but i really had to post this one bc there aren’t enough fics for my bae cam 🫶🏼 and my requests are open!! i don’t want my work copied, translated and/or posted on another platform without it being discussed with me.
my masterlist
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Inhale. Exhale.
The nerves were flooding in as you waited for your turn to be ‘presented to society’. Being a debutant and actually participating in the stuff you found nonsense at first was the last thing you expected you’d be doing this summer. What you didn’t expect in a million years either, was falling for the one you sworn you hated with every single part of you.
You couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it began, but it hit you hard when you heard that Belly broke up with Cam. Thoughts of the two of you being together flooded your mind, and though you tried to push them away, they lingered.
Instead of pursuing these thoughts, you distanced yourself from Cam, which turned out to be more difficult than expected since he seemed to be everywhere you were.
Cam was taken aback by your sudden distance. Although you both disliked each other, you never missed the opportunity to bicker. Now, whenever he tried to engage, you either ignored him or replied formally without any insults.
And if Cam had to be honest, it made him feel this pain in his chest. Especially when you started to hangout him with this guy you had met at the bonfire. The same guy you befriended to try to forget Cam. And also the same guy who was your escort to the debutant ball.
Cam tried to come up with reasons for your distance, and one day, he found himself standing in front of your house. Cam wasn’t sure what he was going to say or do, but he was determined to see you. His heart skipped a beat when he made it to the porch and he halted in front of the door, taking a deep breath in.
He was about to knock, when a thought jumped into his head.
You were scrolling on your phone, trying everything to get Cam out of your head. But everything you saw reminded him of you. You even came past a video of whales and wanted to scream out loud. Why was your phone working against you?
A knock on your window interrupted your furious thoughts and confusion washed over you. You don’t remember meeting up with anyone, or telling someone to come by your window. Scared that it might be a burglar, you grabbed the first object you saw to use as a weapon. However, when you opened your window, the last person you expected was in front of you, heavily panting. “Cameron?” You questioned, lowering your weapon since there wasn’t an actual real threat.
“Hi.” He simply greeted with a grin, before climbing into your room. He stood way too close to you, making your breath hitch as he dusted himself off. But you weren’t going to let him notice what kind of effect he had on you, so the best you could do is just bicker like you used to to mask it.
“What are you doing here? Trying to rob me or something?” You asked as you took a few steps back, “‘Cause I’m not afraid to use this!” You showed the bedside table lamp in your hands.
“Calm down, Y/l/n,” He chuckled as he put his hand on your arm to lower it, and you just allowed him to do so. You felt yourself relax at the warmth and touch of his hand and mentally cursed yourself for this. He liked at you with a small smile, a smile that made your heart flutter in your chest.
Cam’s hand lingered on your arm, before he cleared his throat and quickly removed it. Around everyone, he was always shy and reserved, but with you it was different. You brought out some confidence in him he never knew he had. And Cam never understood why, but with you, he felt at ease and weirdly enough, safe. Whenever he even looked in your direction, his worries would vanish as if they never existed.
Cam walked past you slowly and looked around your room. He tried to memorise every object on your desk, every little detail in your room. “Why are you ignoring me?” He asked, throwing his head over his shoulder to look at you. You were standing there at loss for words, trying to come up with a good excuse. He nodded to himself when you didn’t answer before continuing his walk around your room.
“I should be asking you the questions! Why are you in my room, Sextus?” You crossed your arms over chest and watched him let out a laugh at the name you called him. The sound made you burst of out happiness, but you weren’t planning on showing.
“Please, Ceres, be honest with me…” He started walking back towards you slowly, his eyes never leaving yours. The way he remembered the name you used at the latin convention made your heart skip a beat. “Why would I?” You said with a loud huff and you turned your head to the side with your eyes closed.
When you opened your eyes, Cam’s face was only an inch from yours, and you felt your guard fall down. It would’ve been so much easier if Cam didn’t have this effect on you. Your face fell. “Stop.” You mumbled, inaudible for him to hear.
“What was that?” He inquired genuinely, getting even closer if that was even possible. “Stop!” You spoke out louder, making him jump out of his skin, but soft enough for it to be a whisper. “Stop what?” Cam asked curiously. You stared into his eyes, trying to find something, think of something to make you hate him again. But as you looked into his deep eyes, all you could think about what you could be, as something else than enemies.
You looked at the ground in defeat, before continuing, “I’m trying so hard, Cameron, so hard.”
Cam was quiet as he looked at you with a confused look on his face, and he wanted you to tell him everything that was on your mind. When you looked up at him, Cam noticed that there was something else in your eyes. Something else than what he usually saw, and he couldn’t quite place what it was. “Cameron, I’m trying so hard not to hate you.” You whispered.
Cam’s heart was pounding out of his chest, while he was looking at you with his mouth agape ever so slightly. He hoped your words meant what he thought they meant, and his hand reached for yours.
A yell of your name woke both you and Cam out of your trance, eyes widening in panic. “Is everything okay up there?” Your mom yelled from downstairs, and you heard her footsteps coming up the stairs. Cam rushed towards your window, and you helped him get out quickly. Before he got down, he said something that you spent thinking about the weeks that followed, “I’m really trying hard to hate you too, but I can’t. No matter how hard I try.”
Ever since he dropped by, you had avoided him more than you initially did. And that made Cam wonder what he did or said wrong that day. You were all what he could think about, and if he wasn’t thinking about you, he was dreaming about you or speaking about you.
Whenever you saw him, you would walk the other way, you would pretend you didn’t see him standing. You basically ignored his existence. And for Cam it felt like a stab through the heart, a deep and painful one.
This continued until the debutant ball.
Cam was standing on the flight of stairs behind two other escorts and in front of many others, waiting for the girl’s name he was escorting to be announced. He didn’t know how he ended up here, escorting a girl, who he didn’t even really knew that well, to the debutant ball, But he would do anything to keep his mother happy, so here he was.
He was nervously fidgeting with his fingers, his mind on you like it always has been since the first time he saw you. A part of him wished it was you he was escorting. He wished that he was the one who first saw you in your dress before your presentation.
He fantasised how he actually wanted this day to go. You standing there in a beautiful dress, looking drop-dead gorgeous like you always did. Him being the one to look at you with an encouraging smile and mouthing to you how enchanting you looked. It was all you deserved and more. It killed him he wasn’t the one to be doing it.
When it was Cam’s to turn to go up stage and escort the girl, he imagined it was you by his side. He flashed her a polite smile as she did the same and watched as her eyes drifted off to behind him. Cam followed her eyes and saw that she was looking at none other than the guy who was escorting you.
Cam and the girl got off the stage and walked over to the other debutants, waiting for the next debutant to be presented. And when your name was called, Cam felt a heavy flutter in his chest he most certainly couldn’t ignore.
The girl beside him watched his demeanour change at the sound of your name and smiled to herself. She always had the feeling Cam had a thing for you.
When you appeared on stage, Cam’s eyes were drawn to you. The way you looked in your dress was indescribable and the way you glowed made his heart race a million miles per hour. You scanned the crowd, trying to find a familiar face to ease your nerves. And when your eyes locked Cam’s warm ones it felt as if the world stopped turning. Every single person around you disappeared, it was just you and him.
And your nerves disappeared as quickly as they appeared.
You never pulled your eyes away from his gaze as you walked down the stage with your escort. The escort who had picked up on your crush on Cam a long while back.
Cam tried his best to keep his composure, he was refraining himself from running over to you and holding you like there was no tomorrow, he tried his best not to think about all the ways he would compliment you and make you feel good.
You and your escort halted in front of the table your parents were sitting at and you finally broke eye contact with Cam. Your heart was pounding out of your chest and you were thinking about Cam all the damn time as you waited for the presentations to finish.
When they did, every debutant with their escort bowed down to the table with their family. Afterwards, everyone sat down and waited for some surprise performance the escorts were giving. Your escort waited for you to take a seat next to one of your parents, before he parted as well after flashing you a small smile.
“You looked amazing, honey.” Your mom praised, putting a hand on your shoulder. You thanked her and looked around the ball room, trying to find the one person who lived in your mind rent free. Cam was just walking past to get to the other escorts, when his eyes met yours once again. But this time you looked away after a few seconds, trying to nonchalantly brush off the fact you had a major crush on the guy you had thought was your number one enemy.
After the sudden dance performance, your escort had disappeared somewhere, along with the girl Cam was escorting. But neither of you seemed to care, as all you did was gaze at each other longingly, waiting for the people to announce when the first dance was about to take place.
Your parents, who were seated beside you, had noticed your stares and stolen glances towards the boy and smiled at each other knowingly. You tried to hide it, but they knew you. They knew when their daughter was actually in love.
The sound of glass clinking was heard, before a woman announced that it was time. And at that moment you woke up from your trance, realising your escort was still nowhere to be seen. Every debutant, alongside with her escort was gathering on the dance floor, except for you and, well, Cam.
“Mom, where is he?” You questioned worriedly. “It doesn’t matter,” She answered, making your eyebrows furrow in confusion, “I think there’s someone else you’d much rather want to share this dance with.”
She tilted her head towards a certain direction, and you knew immediately who she was referring to. But your eyes followed the direction she meant anyway, with a racing heart.
Cam was standing there, looking at you like a man in love. That’s because he is. He is in love. And before you knew it, your feet made their way towards him. You halted in front of him with a smile. You were panting like you had just run a marathon, but you didn’t care, because you were right in front of who you wanted to be.
“Seems like we both don’t have a dance partner, huh?” Cam chuckled, scratching the back of his neck nervously. All you could do was nod in respond, the words you actually wanted to speak out seeming to be stuck in your throat.
Your hands reached for his and when your fingers intertwined, you could’ve sworn you heard Cam let out a deep breath. The music started playing, and the two of you were drowning in one another’s eyes as you danced to the music just like you had practiced. The tension between the two of you was unbearable throughout the entire dance.
And once the dance ended, when you were in the end position, his face was awfully close to yours and you had to do anything in your power to not plant your lips on his. He pulled you back up, with way more force than he intended, which resulted into you being flush against his chest. Your faces only a few inches away, which made it even harder to refrain yourself.
You pulled away slowly, even when you wish you could stay like that forever. The words you desired to speak were stuck in your throat, and your eyes fell down, feeling flustered by everything that has happened this night. He wanted to say so much as he looked at you with a lovesick smile, but he didn’t know how. His right hand fine yours as he put his left hand under your chin.
He stroked your cheek gently with his thumb, his eyes fixated you and only you. You were the only thing that mattered to him any day, anywhere, anytime.
Every couple around you started to leave the dance floor, but you and Cam stayed there without a care in the world. “Let’s get out of here.” He whispered, in which you grinned to in response.
He gave your hand a gentle squeeze as you walked towards the exit of the ball room, giggles and chuckles leaving your lips. Your parents watched from afar, knowing you were finally with the one you liked all along.
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organicxslime · 8 months
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sprained ankle
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you sprain your ankle - but luckily, your boyfriend can handle it.
gojo satoru x reader
it was stupid, really, how preventable this was. how many times had you warned others not to rush down the stairs of your apartment building in the winter, else they slip on the icy metal and break something? and now here you are, laying at the bottom of the stairs, foot swollen inside your fur-lined boot and hot tears stinging your face.
you fumble around in your jacket for your phone, fingers numb from the cold as you tap out your boyfriend’s number. the phone barely rings twice before he picks up.
“hey baby!” satoru says cheerily. “i’m teaching, so I’ve only got a minute - what’s up?”
the second you say his name, voice tinged with the unmistakably whiny sound of recent tears, he’s signaled for his students to pack up for the day and is using six eyes to root out your exact location.
in an instant, he’s teleported to your side, immediately helping prop you up against a wall and crouching down by your foot. he pieces together what happened fairly quickly, brow knitted together with visible worry.
“i gotta get this boot off, baby,” he tells you, and you shake your head, not wanting to pain yourself further.
“hey.”
you look up, tear-lined and red-rimmed eyes meeting satoru’s piercing cerulean ones, a rare serious look on his face.
“i need to see how bad it is. be a good girl and let me take this off, okay?”
you might be freezing on the outside, but you melt a little on the inside, and respond with a pitiful sniffle and a nod.
you whimper when he begins to slowly pull on the boot, systematically working it over the expanse of your foot until he’s able to gently ease it off.
your ankle is a hideous sight, swollen to twice it’s usual size, green and purple splotches of discoloration tinting your skin all the way down to your toes. satoru gently probes at the skin with the tips of his fingers, feeling his heart wrench with every hiss of pain that escaped your throat, and makes his professional opinion known.
“i don’t think it’s broken,” he declares. “just a really bad sprain. still shouldn’t walk on it though - let’s get you inside.”
with practiced ease, he’s hoisting you into his arms, looping a protective arm around your ribs and another under your knees. you let out a squeak of surprise as you’re cradled against his chest, and he looks down at you, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips and faint amusement in his eyes.
“what?” he teases, enjoying watching the heat rise in your cheeks. “i have to carry my damsel in distress to safety.”
with this, he takes off, sprinting back up the very same steps you had just taken a tumble down (and, you note with irritation, he doesn’t slip once.)
when you’re back inside, he eases you onto the couch, propping your injured foot up on a small stack of plush throw pillows. he makes quick work of your winter gear - tossing the remaining boot, peeling off your jacket and whipping the beanie off your head (and leaving a kiss in its place.)
you hear him rummaging around the kitchen, and he rushes back to you, ace bandages and a mug of hot chocolate in hand. you wrap your hands around the mug, feeling the blessedly warm ceramic begin to thaw your fingers, and satoru gets to work carefully wrapping your ankle and foot in a tight binding.
when he’s done, he drops next to you on the couch, crawling up the cushions to settle himself beside you and pull you onto his chest. he heaves a dramatic sigh, before turning to you and leaning into your cheek, peppering the skin with feather-light kisses as you giggle and pull away, careful not to spill your mug.
for the next couple of weeks, he waits on you hand and foot - bringing you food and drinks, carrying you to and from the bathroom, and dutifully rewrapping your ankle each morning and night.
initially, you had been embarrassed about the injury, mentally kicking yourself for having such a dumb accident…
…but seeing how satoru dotes on you, showering you with love and tenderly caring for you day and night?
you think maybe a dumb injury here or there wouldn’t be so bad.
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