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greatstormcat · 8 months

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TF141 x f!oc Monster AU

Part 9

Master List

TW: MDNI 18+, angst, discussion of death and injury

Gaz had escorted Winter back to her room and then left her there without saying much more to her than a perfunctory goodbye. He had felt the disappointment rolling off her in waves after he had stopped kissing her, but the memory of her dying in his arms was still too fresh, too real when he held her. A cold tightness clutched at his chest that would not stop.

He made his way back to his own room, wanting nothing more than to shut himself away and dwell on this feeling, try and fathom it out. Unfortunately for him, Soap came walking in the other direction personifying the warmth and light that Gaz did not feel or want right now.

“Hey, did she get back okay?” Soap grinned, throwing his arm over the vampire’s shoulders with a toothy grin.

Gaz just shrugged, offering no more reply than that dismissive gesture. Soap stopped and cocked his horned head to one side, regarding him carefully. “What’s up? I thought you’d be happy to get her back here. Ya look like someone pissed on yer chips,” he said with concern.

“Don’t worry about it,” Gaz replied, lifting Soap’s arm from his shoulder and stepping away for the warm contact.

“Bullshit, you’ve been counting down the minutes to her gettin’ out of Medical. What gives?” Soap pushed, wanting to get to the truth. When Gaz just shook his head, not answering him, Soap grabbed his arm and marched him down the hallway, pulling out his phone and texting Ghost to meet him in Gaz’s quarters.

“Soap, I’m really not in the mood…” Gaz tried to protest but snapped his mouth shut when he was given a sharp look from Soap, tail snapping in the air behind him as he continued to drag him by the arm.

“Shut it,” he growled. “Yer coming with me.”

The three of them crowded into Gaz’s room, Ghost leaning against the door with his arms crossed over his chest to ensure no one would be getting in unexpectedly. Soap sat beside the vampire on the bed, glancing across as Ghost with obvious concern.

“Come on, ya been pining over the wee lass since she joined the team,” Soap urged him with a gentle nudge of the shoulder. “Why are ya avoiding her now?”

“Johnny’s right,” Ghost rumbled. “All you’re gonna do is regret this. Take it from me, life isn’t as long as you think it is, even for you Gaz.” As he spoke, Ghost’s eyes drifted over to Soap and something unspoken passed between them both.

“I can’t stop thinking about the op whenever I’m near her,” the vampire explained, his brow furrowed tight with emotion. “Everytime I touch her… it’s like I can feel her heart stop beating all over again.” His words choked slight and he cleared his throat to try and cover the sound.

“Look, we’ve all been through something,” Ghost replied gently. “There’s not one of us here who hasn’t paid a price for doing this job, it was always gonna happen to her at some point and she knew that.”

Gaz lifted his head and looked at Ghost, the dead man existing in another soldier’s body, then at Soap, the Dragon Hybrid, who was rubbing at his shoulder, no doubt recalling the moment his wings were torn away from his body years ago.

“Yeah, I just didn’t expect to be the one to cause the shitiest moment of her life,” he muttered, rubbing his hands over his face with an exhausted sigh.

“Gaz, mate,” Soap said, placing his hand on Gaz’s shoulder, “something worse was gonna happen if ya didn’t do what ya did. We all knew that. The Gods are bastards at times, but there was someone watching her six that day coz we got her back.”

Gaz huffed loudly and sat back, looking between them both. “I’ll… I’ll go talk to her about it. Tell her what’s going on in my head. Maybe we can work through it.”

“Good,” Soap chipped in. “She deserves to know and you never know where that’ll lead ya both.”

Ghost pushed away from the door and moved closer to the pair. “One things for sure, we go after KorTac and stop their experiments after this,” he growled. “If there is anyone to blame, it’s them.”

Back in her quarters, Winter stood in front of the mirror on the wall. She carefully peeled the tape and gauze back from her neck, revealing the red, livid marks on her skin. Short, black threads stuck out from her skin like tiny pins holding her together. The effect was very disconcerting and did nothing to hide the fact that some had chewed her neck open.

This was what was causing the wedge between her and Gaz, something that was now etched into her skin, would never go away. Her stomach rolled as she thought of Gaz seeing this every time he looked at her, and being pushed away by it. Repulsed by it, by her.

There was a soft knock at her door.

“It’s open!” She called out, not taking her eyes from the mirror. The door opened slowly, and Gaz looked in.

“I just wanted to check on you, in person,” he smiled sheepishly and entered, closing the door behind himself but keeping his eyes downcast until he saw she was examining her neck. “Hey, is everything okay?” He asked moving instantly to stand behind her.

Gaz cast no reflection in the mirror, as he stood behind her looking at her marred skin. He made no effort to conceal the look of shame and disgust as he looked at the puckered skin between the stitches. He felt his resolve begin to unravel, the urge to bolt building in his chest, squeezing his heart.

“Everything is fine, I guess,” she answered, looking into the reflection of her own eyes as she couldn’t see his. Winter stepped back slightly, bringing her back against his chest to reassure her he really was there this time, not just a voice in her head for once. “Just don’t go anywhere, please. Stay.”

There was a heavy pause before Gaz answered her.

“I don’t know if I can,” he replied, his voice cracking slightly. “Every time I’m near you like this I can’t stop thinking about what happened. What I did,” he confessed in a tight whisper, moving back from her, breaking their physical contact.

Winter closed her eyes, hearing the pain in his voice and feeling him withdraw again, the reality of their situation stark and clear. Tears burnt her eyes as she opened them, wishing she could turn and see Gaz’s face but she knew that he would leave if she did. Instead she held her own gaze in the mirror and reached behind, fumbling around until she caught hold of his hand. His fingers remained limp, he didn’t return the squeeze she gave them.

“Kyle,” she used his name, “would it help if I told you I don’t hold any bad feeling for what happened? You did exactly what needed to be done. I admire your courage for going through with it,” she finished with a soft smile, still watching her own reflection in the mirror. There was silence from behind her, only the grip she had on his unresponsive hand letting her know he hadn’t left.

She felt, but couldn’t see, Gaz lean down and place a soft, painfully brief kiss beside the scars. Her eyes fluttered shut, and he must have been watching her reaction as she heard a soft sound catch in his throat.

“Do that again,” she whispered.

“You sure?” He asked, his breath fanning across her neck telling her that he was already poised to do so. As though he was waiting for permission or acceptance.

“Please,” she begged, tilting her head to the side slightly which drew a soft intake of breath from behind her. He tentatively pressed his lips to her skin again, letting them linger there as she leant back against his chest more. His fingers suddenly gripped her hand and interlaced with her own, and his other arm wrapped around her waist pulling her tightly back against him.

“Tell me,” Gaz whispered against her neck, clutching her against him as though she might vanish into thin air if he let her go. “Tell me, do you still want me?” He waited, feeling that his absolution depended on the next words she spoke.

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tansu-bomb · 1 year

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Long post: Musings on AOS2 Ep3&4

Part 1: Yeong

The yearning of a young bride as her husband erects both physical & mental barriers between them.

Yeong sees how Uk has come through for her everytime she was in need. She is already moved by how Uk has cared for her with tenderness all night. And now, she sees him fight not just her mother but an entire establishment. She also senses that — despite Uk’s constant insistence that whatever he’s done is for his benefit and not hers — he isn’t entirely unaffected by her.

And so, as she is excited about spending a lifetime ahead with him, a nascent hope springs in her heart that longs for his unconditional affection. She wants to be chosen regardless of her divine powers or superior warrior skills or insanely good looks or rich/powerful family background.

She has a hunch that it was Uk that turned the lamp off at the Unanimous Assembly….that he took her home regardless of the proof he sought. When Uk is subsequently elated at the proof of her divine powers and says “I’m glad I brought you home”, her hunch is proven right.

And while “our-baby-is-the-evidence” was yet another one of her crazy, whimsical, on-the-spot solves, she is already quite comfortable with the idea of it becoming a reality. When he says “you’re surely not thinking of us getting intimate and making a baby”, it gives her a perfect opening to probe. When he flusters & blushes at her advances, her hunch - that he likes her - is getting further proven right.

Here she pretty much says “I really like you. Do you like me? I am hoping that you do.” Her eyes reveal her desire as her gaze lingers on his lips. He’s lost in her but forces himself to look away, pulls his guards up, and vehemently denies.

The rejection pains her but she doesn’t buy his lies. But the jerk that he decides to be — puts much-needed-for-his-sanity physical distance between them and says he can help fabricate some evidence for their marriage if only she stops hoping that he’d like her / give her his heart.

This hurts her more but she still doesn’t buy his lies or won’t take NO for an answer or will allow him to push her away. When she’s had enough of his bullshit, she shuts him up with a kiss. It’s basically a challenge “but I still like you. I dare you to feel nothing for me. If we create a witness, this is how we’ll do it”.

Uk is completely frustrated at this point coz she’s eroding boundaries rather swiftly. She’s kissing him, she’s talking about marital life and kids — all these are dreams he once dreamt with another woman. With her gone, and with no purpose to his bleak existence, he is willing to embrace death. And here’s his new wife pushing him towards life. So he erects physical barriers too.

He doesn’t enter her space when she’s conscious. He doesn’t let her enter his space either and pretends to not care for her. Then he stops going home altogether — especially as his mother & father figures urge him to let go of the past & give life with his new-wife a fair chance. All through this, she’s waiting, pining, completely missing him, loosing her apetite over him, and pushing open barrier after barrier only to not find him on the other side.

Despite his continuous rejections, she tries to piece together more information about him & Naksu from his friends/family, is puzzled at why noone seems to buy their marriage idea, is actively & persistently seeking avenues to reach out to him (like wanting to give him a status update on her regaining her memories/powers), and is trying to understand why he abandoned her.

Finally, she does understand why when he frantically rushes in hoping he’d meet Naksu & is super disappointed and angry that its her. She has known that he has a tragic past but didn’t know the depth of it all until now. Her heart begins to breaks into pieces as she realizes that it’s Naksu he still loves & yearns for….that he most cares about everything associated with Naksu - her stone grave, her memories, her jade, her reputation….that she is so secondary in his life and given how he continues to worship Naksu, she realizes there isn’t anything to look forward to in her marital life.

He not just rejects her coldly again but he reiterates that she’s just a tool for him — now with a new benefit unlocked where his selfish-ass can use her to relay his dead-lover’s memories back to him. Despite how heartbroken and jealous she is about his dead first-wife, she doesn’t resent him for loving another so ardently. If Naksu’s grave is important to him, she’ll spend the entire day fixing it. If he craves Naksu’s memories, she’ll keep the jade and endure the memories even if unpleasant for her to rewitness their love story. If Naksu’s reputation is contiunally being maligned, she’ll go along with her husband’s plan and fake-die so he/Naksu can be at peace. Even if she’s burning with jealousy, she’ll take home honey biscuits just like Naksu once did. And if he yearns for Naksu, she’ll unconditionally offer the comfort of her arms even if it breaks her heart that he doesn’t see her.

Despite their nasty fight & him still not returning home, what gives her hope through it all is Uk’s unspoken and spoken gestures — the way he lit up the forest path with fireflies and how he shadowed her to keep her from harm’s way, the way he wanted to look at her regardless of who she dressed up for, calling her pretty, calling her precious, calling her his wife.

These breadcrumbs & bugs are enough for her to gather courage and starts making inroads again — “Is it okay if I wore your family jewels? Is it okay to tell everyone that doesn’t believe in our marriage that we get along well? Is it okay to boast that you lit up a path with fireflies for me?”she asks to understand what boundaries he wants to keep / loose.

That he likes her a teensy bit is enough for her — for now atleast — and she positively glows & blushes at that. She’s really an innoncent, wide-eyed young wife yearning to make space for herself in her husband’s life. A space she well understands by now that she’ll need to share with his dead first-wife.

#alchemy of souls #alchemy of souls s2 #naksu #cho yeong #jang uk #lee jae wook #go yoon jung #alchemy of souls light and shadow #kdrama

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lone-nyctophile · 1 year

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So I really like this guy. I’m practically in love with him. I’ve.. eased into the idea of loving him. We didn’t really talk at all until we were in a sort of drama club together for a month. And we’d see each other at practice everyday and we’d make eye contact but I didn’t really ever initiate conversation, coz he made me nervous. He made everyone nervous in a way, he had that intimidating look to him and his eyes.. they had this bored gleam to them. No sparks, no light. But god did I make the mistake of describing them that way. During our drama club practices, he always sat off to the side and did nothing but watch us. Id wondered why he was there if that was the case and then realised he’d played the keyboard. He was the one giving us the background music for our act. And eventually, I saw the spark return to his eyes, as if they’d never left. He was in love with music, and god was that man talented. And I.. I had the main role and everytime id have a crying scene, it was in sync with him playing a certain tune, and we’d make eye contact everytime.

Soon after the day of the performance came and we were all up and ready at the campus where we were supposed to perform, and he was there with the rest of the members, and he was leaning against the railing of the top floor when I reached there. When I saw them the guys told me to keep my bags aside and then he (let’s call him R) suggested we’d walk around the campus. Now get this, the campus was HUGE. And I was wearing heels coz I’d rushed there after a violin recital. This was a bad idea in itself. The guys groaned and looked at me as if I was gonna save them from his torture lol. I shrugged as if it didn’t affect me and him, me and another guy walked downstairs to the next building when the other guy ditched us coz he saw a cat.

I. Got. Nervous. Big time. And he started speeding up coz he’s a head taller than me even if I’m in heels. And I kept jogging behind him. We’d eased into a comfortable silence. And then he saw his choir club friends and he started talking to them and I thought “I shouldn’t be here” so I told him to go on with them but he refused saying he’d still walk with me and I just- god I just melted.

After that day, it was just mere eye contact during the lunch breaks at school and just- goodness gracious I’m so into him and I keep sneaking glances right when he does. I dunno if he likes me

Thoughts? I’m sorry for the huge rant lmfao. I needed to get this outta my system and I really need to move on from him.

Heyy. Sorry for the late reply.

Wow. This sounds like a story most of us dream about! You guys have some awesome chemistry and yes there is a HUGE chance that your relationship with him can progress into something more beautiful. For that to happen, I think you should start talking to him on a regular basis to know each other better. I would suggest you to make the first move... have a friendly conversation with him.

I hope things go well between you two and tbh this makes me believe that fairytales can exist in real life!

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fae-did · 8 months

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10/15/23

A psychotic (meaning, without regard to reality— and if that’s not what psychotic means, please let me know so that we can remove the word) rant about current world events

If we don’t leave the US, we may get killed.. not that I’m hoping for the others to beat us.. but coz I simply do not know any better. I have no knowledge of history. I trust blindly to what I’m biased of, what I’m familiar with, what feels comfortable to me; the things that have always been there for me.. I don’t even know how I managed to graduate high school.. having DID and remembering stuff do not go well together at all, but I’m glad somehow I was able to go through those 4 years. I fear for what college may bring, fear for all of us.. fear for the future of the world if we stay where we are; silent and still, unmoving.

Hallucinations we’ve had so far

I remember when I was younger and i was sleeping on the couch, the blanket was over my entire body, and as I was waking up- I felt someone sit near my stomach and lay there, hands on my arm, as I was on my side. But, even tho I did feel a dent in the couch, when I looked— there was no dent. Earlier tonight, i felt the bed shake, I felt someone touch my shoulder, my ankle— and i kept hearing doors close; all of which I’ve gotten used to. For a large portion of my life, I’ve always had psychosis, and i thought it was normal, that everyone experienced this— but, apparently it isn’t and they don’t.

Lately, I’ve been hearing voices outside of the voices of the other alters. Very unintelligible and garbled.. idk what they’re saying.. but, I know it isn’t bad. They just sound like they’re deep in conversation with one another, and I’d rather not dissect what they’re talking about. They don’t notice me at all.. which is fine.. they like to be on their own. I’m not sure if they’ve ever wanted my attention— the latest has been me hearing things while listening to a podcast— it came like an interruption; there was TV static for a second, which cleared off, and then the voices were heard for another second, and then TV static again, then it was gone. Idk why, but this doesn’t scare me as I’ve gotten used to it from it happening again and again.

Thoughts about our DID, in relation to others // talking about our DID to our friends, others that we meet when prompted (either online of in person), and our family

Primarily, I wouldn’t know what is normal and what isn’t— mostly coz I’ve not had that gauge put in me.. meaning, I’ve not had the proper tools to discern one from the other (normal > not normal). I’ve explained this concept in therapy; how there is no “one, consistent personality”, and we all emulate everyone that we’ve met so far in the smallest degree- which, to me, makes sense in the way that magnets work.. how they attract other magnets.. and how we all have a our own magnetic field and attract other things to ourselves. Much is the same for humans; we go along our lives collecting pieces and parts of whomever we may meet and incorporate those traits in ourselves coz it’s all we’ve known how to do as children.. coz what do children do— they emulate those they favor (their favorite people), and it’s no surprise that as we grow older, we do the same.

Since we feel as if we’ve been silenced in regards to speaking up about our DID, we feel very nervous and uncomfortable saying anything about it at all; and that’s the main reason why there’s no introduction to our DID, there just.. is— we just.. are— and that’s very interesting in terms of people that feel the need to explain themselves before an alter fronts or something of that nature happens in public, because- ever since we’ve felt as we’ve been silenced, we no longer feel the need to explain our own existence, and that’s the most liberating feeling in the entire world.

#dissociative identity disorder #mental health #mental illness #mental disorders #rant #vent #world events #current world events #war #violence #socialization #social #thoughts #thinking

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plaid-shirtsandvibranium-arms · 3 years

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Nemesis: Retribution (2)

Summary: 10 years after the Avengers had left you for dead during a mission gone wrong, you unexpectedly re-enter their lives. Wholly unrecognizable from the person they used to know and now with a new team behind you, they ask for your help to stop a chain of syndicates who were manufacturing and peddling the super soldier serum. You were determined to say no until the chance at the vengeance you had been chasing for years was added to the offer.

Fandoms: Avengers, Marvel, MCU, The Punisher, Daredevil

Pairings: Female Reader x (Frank Castle, Billy Russo, Matt Murdock, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Pietro Maximoff)

Warnings: MENTIONS OF SMUT FOR THIS CHAPTER. SHAMELESS SEXUAL BEHAVIOURS. (18+ ONLY), polyamorous relationships, reverse harem, blatant disregard for canon timelines and events, mentions of illnesses, momentary fluff, bit of angst care of Bucky, Punisher canon level of violence and gore, rejection, bullying, heartbreak, character death

A/N: I couldn’t resist not posting this early. Here you go. Next ones will probably take a while coz I have to be an actual adult for a bit.

No permission is granted to repost, steal, or translate my work. Not even a credit makes it okay. Tumblr is the only place I post my writing. If you see it anywhere else please report it.

Series Masterlist | Full Masterlist

1:2 Dark Chocolate

A few days of rest was required to recover from a super soldier's punch. The doctors had said that you were lucky Steve hadn't punched you with full strength or else you would probably have a whole cracked rib cage. You were anxious to jump back in to training, not used to being idle for very long.

You were given some painkillers at the clinic and ordered to stay there for the rest of the afternoon for monitoring. When you woke up, it was early evening and a blonde super soldier was napping on a steel chair next to your bed. He jumped when you moved to sit up, his heightened senses alarmed and disoriented for a second before he quickly switched to repeatedly apologizing to you. You laughed out loud. It was just a little ridiculous to you to see such a commanding presence in the field so charmingly boyish and adorably embarrassed.

Steve was a comforting presence but to be honest you were hoping to see Bucky. You didn't get a chance to thank him since he left immediately after the doctors had ushered you into the examination room. Once you were cleared to return to training, you caught sight of his long brunette hair and the bright smile on your face couldn't be stopped. It was the glare he pinned you with that made you halt your approach.

He was back to his disapproval of your very existence.

You had to admit that it stung. You thought that you were getting somewhere with him after he helped you. At least somewhere outside of the realm of outward disdain. And maybe you were hoping just a little bit that it could lead down the road to him feeling the same about you.

The timing was perfect when you were assigned to your first official mission with the Avengers. It was a chance to prove your worth to the team and to Bucky in particular. A chance to maybe make him see you as more than just a troublesome recruit.

You came back from the mission with your head held high and absolutely glowing with confidence at the kudos from Sam and Natasha. The great Natasha Romanoff had complimented your sniping skills, picking off enemies in her area even before she could aim her own gun at them.

The first thing you wanted to do after getting back to the Compound was to tell Bucky. You wanted to brag a little bit and maybe even thank him for the mentoring. If he hadn’t been so hard on you then you wouldn’t have pushed yourself to be at this level. You were skipping down the halls of the Compound in search for him, clutching the bullet casing from your first official Avenger kill.

FRIDAY had informed you that he was in the training area and you were bouncing on your feet with excitement. As you entered though the place was empty, the rest of the agents having retired to the mess halls. You ventured further in, trusting FRIDAY’s intel until you heard some noises coming from the adjacent armory. You smiled, he must be cleaning his guns again.

As you got closer, the noise began to get louder until you could make out what was undeniably pleasured moaning, one low and gravelly while the other more high pitched. You should have turned away, if only for the privacy of the couple who was wrapped up in their passion, but your curiosity pushed you to come closer and peak through the small crack in the door.

The brief image that you saw made you instantly draw back, a shaking hand pressed to your mouth to silence the shocked gasp. You backed away slowly, your mind struggling to process what you had just seen, then your flight response kicked in and you ran like hell out of there. The scene was burning a hole in your brain and caused your skin to grow cold. Sergeant Barnes rutting hard against a woman wrapped around his waist, his glinting eyes locked with yours, and a cocky sneer on his face.

You didn’t go to dinner that night or to the team celebration for a successful first mission. You chose instead to lay in your bunk with tears burning in your eyes and trying to erase the memory of your discovery. Of course he was already dating someone. A man of his caliber was sure to have a line-up of gorgeous eager women at his disposal. He probably had no interest in boring recruits like yourself. The woman he was throwing into bliss must be some supermodel or high ranking spy. How did you even end up deluding yourself that you could possibly catch his eye?

The rest of your roommates filtered in after a few hours, chatting away noisily about the party. Anna had come to sit on the edge of your bed and ran a comforting hand along your arm, concern clearly etched on her face.

“I’m fine. Just tired. The mission really wore me out,” you muttered with a small smile. You weren't ready to talk about it yet.

“Personally I think I had better success today than all of you,” Kim’s shrill voice cut through the good natured conversations in the room.

She wasn’t part of the group taken on the mission, claiming beforehand that she was ill. A chorus of curious why’s rang out through the group and she preened at once again being the center of attention.

“Well I just had the fuck of a lifetime from none other than Sergeant James Barnes.”

The room of women burst into chaos; squeals of disbelief, rapid fire questions on how big he was and how good of a lay was he, were they dating now or was this a fuck buddy situation. Of course Kim was more than happy to entertain each question.

You tuned all of it out, the noise turning into an annoying ringing in your ear. You turned around to face the wall as the silent tears that refused to be contained any longer fell to wet your pillow. You barely registered Anna squeezing your shoulder or the words that Kim threw your way.

“Sorry, Y/N. I guess I was just more Bucky’s type.”

You curled yourself into a tighter ball as the pain in your chest radiated across your whole body. You had assumed wrong about Bucky. It seemed that he wasn’t opposed to dating new recruits.

He was just opposed to you.

The taunting from Kim continued on and you just couldn't take it any longer. You brushed the tears away, grabbed your sweater, and marched yourself to the door. You needed to get some air. You needed to get away. Anywhere but there. You wrenched open the door and almost came crashing straight toward a solid chest. Your eyes travelled up to lock with the kind blue gaze of Captain America. You wondered why Steve was standing at the doors of your bunkers holding a pack of beer in his hand.

"Good evening, ladies," he said to the room of now suddenly speechless females. "I'm just going to borrow Y/N for a bit."

The crowd remained in shocked silence while you stared at him in confusion as he smiled sweetly down at you. He had gone looking for you when he didn't see you at the celebration after Natasha and Sam had sang your praises to him at your performance. He wanted to congratulate you and bring you a drink for a job well done.

"Come on. I know a good spot," he said, placing a hand on your back and guiding you out.

Steve brought you to the top of an observatory in the Compound. It was quiet, peaceful, and offered a great view. He cracked open a bottle for you and the conversation just flowed naturally. He kept making you laugh until your sides hurt with stories about his time as a performer in the military and all the unfortunate videos that came with it. You were crying with pure joy when he relented and re-enacted his buy military bonds act, your earlier darkened mood forgotten for the moment.

Steve felt like he did something right when your glassy eyes and defeated expression was replaced with clear amusement. Even if it was at his expense. He wouldn't ask what the reason was, but he felt happy he made you feel better.

"Thank you, Steve," you muttered before you parted ways. Somehow both of you understood that it was more than just for the drink.

You promised yourself then that you would give yourself tonight to weep over your unfortunate romantic feelings. Only for tonight. Come morning you would focus all your energy on what you actually came here to do; become an Avenger. You slept fitfully that night, the shell casing from your first mission still gripped in your hand.

You made a conscious effort after that day to limit your interactions with Bucky and Kim to polite clipped conversations. At first Bucky had been surprised at your change in attitude, your blank expression and sparse words causing a momentary guilt to flash in his eyes. You had chosen instead to spend more time with Steve and the twins, your mood obviously brighter around them.

You were sitting now in a large conference room for a briefing on the next mission with a handful of other recruits when Sam Wilson sent you out to fetch the rest of the Avengers who were running late and not responding.

"Can you get them for me, sweetheart?" he chuckled, knowing that you blushed uncontrollably each time he used a nickname on you.

FRIDAY had directed you to the private common room exclusive for their use. You were about to knock on the door when you heard your name in the middle of what sounded like a heated argument. Against your better judgement, you leaned in closer.

"I don't think Y/N's cut out to be part of this team."

Your heart dropped. The conviction in Bucky's voice was clear. It was one thing for your infatuation with him to be forcefully thrown back at your face, but for him to explicitly state to a set of people that you held at such high esteem that you were not good enough was a whole other vicious heartbreak.

Lily was wrong. This time you should have known when to quit.

You forced yourself to crack the door wider and step inside, clearing your throat to announce your presence. You didn't see the startled look on their faces or the guilty one that followed when they realized that you had heard. One look at your sad glistening eyes that refused to look up confirmed it. Natasha and Steve both threw Bucky a deadly glare.

"Sam wants you all at a briefing. I was sent to come get you."

Your voice was so small and unsteady, none of the easy happiness and optimistic determination that it usually carried. Bucky felt the shame burn through him, the guilt drowning him in an instant. You weren't supposed to hear that. He took a step towards you, instinct driving him to do anything to wipe that defeated look off your face, but a threatening look from the twins pinned him in place.

"We'll walk back with you, little star," Pietro said softly, appearing beside you and wrapping an arm around your shoulder. Wanda came on the other side, looping your arm with hers.

For the rest of the briefing, you strained with the effort of focusing on Sam while blatantly ignoring Bucky. You knew he was staring a hole at the back of your head, but you couldn't allow yourself to give him any satisfaction by looking back. You were soon assigned your tasks, you being placed on sniper duty again having performed well the last time.

It was supposed to be a run of the mill mission for intel and taking out a criminal base, but with the expectation of more hostiles so a slightly bigger team was necessary. You practically flew out of the room when you were dismissed, not giving anyone a chance to talk to you. A decision was solid in your mind now for when you got back.

This would be your last mission.

The ride on the jet to the location was spent with you cleaning your gear and checking your weapons. You were sliding a few knives in place when Bucky came in front of you holding out another set of knives for you to take.

"You know if you tilt the hilt to the left you can fit more in one holster," he said.

It was odd hearing him with almost warmth in his tone toward you. If it had happened yesterday, you probably would be celebrating this fact. You nodded at him, but didn't say a word.

"Remember to keep your head low and stay on your post. Okay, doll?"

You nodded wordlessly again. Because you made a point not to look at his face, you missed the way he was struggling to say more to you and the disheartened look when you obviously weren't going to answer him. You ignored him for the rest of the ride, choosing to focus on reviewing the intel.

As far as bad intel could go, this had to be the worst. You were perched up on a densely covered hill a good distance away from the base that the rest of the team were storming. You were picking off as many hostiles coming out of the base as quick as your hands would allow. Your fingers were starting to ache from the constant reloading, your eyes stung from the gunpowder, and your lip was already bleeding from biting down on it.

The noise in the comms was pure mayhem. Each team member trying to ask for help, for backup, for a plan. You had all come expecting a fight but not an army prepared to defend. You were certainly not expecting HYDRA.

"They have Bucky."

Three words spoken that sent a cold dread to wash over all of you. HYDRA couldn't be allowed to take Bucky. You abandoned your post without a second thought and sprinted down toward the base, pistols at the ready for anyone coming your way.

"Last location," you asked urgently as you slipped into the building shooting down two agents immediately.

"West wing. Near the last corridor," Steve grunted, clearly having a hard time on his end. "Y/N, do not engage!"

"I'm the closest one, Cap."

"I'm close too. Just a little busy," Natasha huffed. "I'll follow, Y/N. Steve, we need to get the hell out of here."

Steve had reluctantly agreed, seeing that there was no other choice. He quickly barked orders and commanded you to keep safe. You nodded although he couldn't see it as you wove through the corridors at full speed in search of your teammate. The moment you barged into that last room, your eyes found an unconscious Bucky immediately.

Seeing him in that chair horrified you; shirt ripped, bleeding in several areas, skin pale and cold with sweat, chest rising and falling far too rapidly, and eyes that were unresponsive. You were so distracted by the jarring image that you failed to notice the operatives across the room until the bullets were burning through your soft flesh.

You screamed from the pain, but raised your gun and fired back until you heard their bodies thud heavily on the floor. You clutched at your side, the amount of wet blood pouring out was alarming. You pushed your own welfare aside and hurriedly undid Bucky's restraints. It was a struggle to sit up a semi-conscious super soldier and when you took his weight on your shoulders, you collapsed to the floor at the intense pain in your arm. You hadn't realized that you had multiple shots there too.

You gritted your teeth and groaned at the effort of lifting you both up, your blood soaking through your gear as well as Bucky's. You huffed painfully with each step but you just had to get him out of there. You could have kissed Natasha square in the mouth when you saw her come barreling towards you.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Y/N!" she winced at your state before taking Bucky's other side. Apparently you looked as bad as you felt. "We gotta move fast. I hear more of them coming up this way. This path is clear."

Having Natasha's help in carrying Bucky alleviated some of the burden from you and made you all move faster, but the blood loss was already starting to make your vision blurry and the adrenaline was wearing off. Through the haze, you could also hear the rapidly approaching footsteps. Soon you would be basically useless and you knew there was no way Natasha could carry you both out while fighting off a hoard of enemies.

"Natasha," you said quietly, your steps faltering.

"No. Keep going goddamn it!" Natasha cried.

She knew what you were thinking. She had assessed the situation too and come to the same miserable conclusion. You smiled sadly at her angry eyes and shaking head as you let go of your hold on Bucky. Her eyes widened further as you limped toward the doors behind you and locked them tight before raising your guns to aim right at anyone who would come through them.

She didn't miss how your hands were shaking and your shot arm could barely hold up, the way you scowled deeper in pain with each movement, or how your uniform was soaked in your own blood and slowly forming a pool at your feet. Ghastly as you looked, you turned your head and tossed her another gentle smile. You were basically going to use yourself as a human shield for them and yet you were comforting her. You were reassuring her.

"Check on my sister for me, yeah?"

Natasha wanted to insist on another plan. Anything other than leave you behind to hold off the nearing enemy units. Shouting and gunfire from the other side of the door forced her to make a decision. She cursed sharply under her breath and dragged Bucky away with her, the regret heavy on her heart for having to leave you behind.

You stepped further back and supported your weak body against the wall after Natasha had thankfully left. The enemy was trying their hardest to barge through the door, ramming into it and shooting their guns at the locks. It wouldn't be long now before they manage to breach it.

You took a moment to spare a thought for your sister. A part of you was saddened to think of her grief after she finds out that you had done the most heroic thing anyone could ever do.

Sacrifice.

Another part of you was relieved knowing that she had Jill and she wouldn't be alone in that grief. When you decided this morning that this would be your last mission, you didn't necessarily expect it to be in this way.

"I'm sorry, Lily."

Natasha managed to get Bucky back to the jet where the rest of the team were all converging, still fighting off operatives chasing after them. There just didn't seem to be any end to them.

"I'm going back for Y/N!" she yelled to the team as she dropped Bucky on the floor of the jet. There was no time to be gentle, she had to hurry back to help you out.

"What do you mean? Where the hell is Y/N, Nat?" Steve shouted as he grabbed her arm.

"She stayed behind to hold off the ones chasing us so we could get out. I have to go back!"

"I will go. I can get her out," Pietro volunteered at once but he doubled over immediately from the extensive wounds on his torso.

Natasha was already sprinting back into the compound, not willing to waste another minute. She made it only a few feet before the entire facility exploded into a fiery inferno that quickly ravaged it and threw her farther back.

The entire team watched in horror as the explosions continued on several parts of the structure. The area was quickly getting engulfed by the flames and smoke. Steve had to force everyone onto the jet and bodily carry a shell shocked Natasha.

No one could have possibly survived that.

------------------------------

Natasha steadied her breath as she quietly landed on a perch high above in the rafters of a seedy warehouse. Wanda joined her seconds later, weaving her magic to better cloak them. The other twin was running a lap around the perimeter and would join them later.

She was assigned weird missions all the time. Missions that had very little to doubtful intel was common. This mission though was by far the strangest she's ever gotten. There was a very small list of vague things that were told to them; the time and location, not to intervene, to remain unseen until the target was ready, bring the target to the Compound.

She was slightly annoyed, but she complied anyway. She was curious too as the mission was given in secret to only the three of them. A million questions was speeding through her mind as she observed the activity below. It looked like a regular run of the mill drug den filled with busy workers and roving guards.

"How many, Wanda?" Natasha whispered.

"I sense more than 25 of them. All armed, but with much fear."

A gust of wind signaled the return of the other twin. He had a frown on his face and a concerned look in his eyes. "There is another one, but this one does not seem to be with them."

Natasha was starting to sincerely doubt this mission when a fast movement from the shadows caught her eye. By the way the twins perked up too, they surely had seen it. They followed the figure as it slipped through the darkness, almost losing track if they hadn't noticed that the guards were quickly dwindling in number. Natasha was growing worried, this was surely a highly skilled group of assassins. Pietro must have been mistaken. They were clean and efficient too.

All of a sudden a gunfight broke out below them. A figure completely clad in black, strolled casually out from the shadows with a pistol in each hand firing precisely at their targets. They confidently charged closer, unfazed as they greeted the gunfire. They continued to tear viciously through the crowd with a deadly mix of combat, bullets, and blades.

The workers had drawn their weapons by now as well, but they were quickly killed off with barbaric aggression. It did not take long for the floor below to become a sea of blood and lifeless bodies. One person remained barely alive, hanging on to his middle to keep his internal organs from spilling out from the wide gash. The attacker came to him, nonchalantly stepping over decimated bodies. They couldn't hear what was exchanged from this distance, only the choked scream that followed as he was stabbed straight through the throat. His blood spurting out like a broken faucet.

Natasha had been in this profession for a while, but she has never seen this level of unrestrained violence.

One person.

One single person had cleared out a base of approximately 30 people. Natasha was growing more and more worried. Clearly this person was at the very least an enhanced and even with the twins with her, they were not prepared to face someone powered.

What kind of bloodthirsty lunatic does this?

"You can come down now."

All three of them froze in place. Looking down, the attacker was staring right at them with cloaked eyes. Reluctantly and very slowly, Wanda used her powers to float them down carefully keeping a good distance from this murderer.

From this close they could now see that they were in full military tactical gear in what was originally all matte black, but now had an explosion of dripping red. Combat boots, fitted cargo pants, a long sleeved shirt underneath a tight bulletproof vest, gloves, a loose hood over their head, and a cloth mask around the lower half of their face.

"Should have known something was up when my team mentioned seeing a really fast man."

The shivers that travelled through every expanse of skin on Natasha, was a reaction to that voice. It sounded strangely familiar yet unknown, but something in her mind was denying her from piecing it together. The moment the hood was dropped to reveal their eyes was when she spiraled into a complete icy shock. They were eyes that had haunted her for the past ten years. Haunted all of them. The only difference was that the eyes in her memories were smiling warmly.

The bloodied face mask was lowered to reveal a face they mourned, unmistakable and yet completely different. White raised scars branched out like weaving vines from the right side of the neck to just above the jaw and the ears. They were obviously old and healed but still raised and prominent, adding an even more dangerous edge to the menacing look on their face.

Your face.

"Hello, Natasha. Pietro. Wanda."

10 years after they had watched you tragically perish in a burning HYDRA facility, you stood before three of a group of people you had unknowingly tormented all these years.

The earpiece you wore crackled to life. "Blackbird to Hedwig. I have a visual. Should I shoot them?"

You smirked. There was no need for that. At least not right now.

"Hey, Blackbird. Tell Raven I'll be late for dinner. I have a reunion to get to."

------------------------------

A/N: Tell me which pairing or combination in this harem you’re most looking forward to. Smut or otherwise. I’m still rearranging scenes and working out smut. There is a long list of kinks. I need help.

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whatgaviiformes · 2 years

Text

Fic: Fixated (Part 6/?)

here. for Part 1 | here. for Part 2 | here for Part 3 | Here for Part 4 | here for Part 5

I don’t know anymore

*****

It’s the strangest care package.

Flowers – overdone. Edible arrangements, too much acidic fruit (and, honestly, they’d eat it long before it made its way to Scott). There was just something about those white chocolate covered pineapples.

Instead, the large basket is full of craft kits and things to do assembled from their ever-growing OPERATION: FIND SCOTT A HOBBY list in the lounge, the main catalog of ideas which is up there still. They’ve added to it in passing. A few of the original suggestions previously voided are now crossed off, but it has since continued to expand, whether for good or evil or the ridiculous.

They did choose a model airplane kit, with paints and brushes to go along with it. Just in case the planes brought back memories, they also selected a scale model for a ’63 Chevrolet Corvette.

Of the craft variety, Virgil got his wish and picked some blue knitting needles for his brother and a skein of soft cotton – also in blue. He understood John’s point of view on the matter, but Scott would never know until he tried. While he was at it, he could also try the adult mandala coloring book he bought, and the latch hook kit, the origami set, and the rock painting kit. ‘Coz why not?

John went the puzzle route with a stack of books half the size of the basket itself: sudoku, crosswords, word searches – and just for fun and because it was Scott – mad libs. He threw in a couple 3D puzzles as well for Scott to keep his hands busy.

They were ecstatic that terrarium kits did exist, but no one more than Gordon who got one for himself, and one for Scott. As you do. Separately he ordered a large shipment of tropical houseplants, species they probably could’ve gotten from their backyard, but where was the fun in unboxing that?

In a whim of inspiration, he also got for them – for him, but it would benefit everyone – a tie-dyeing kit.

Alan’s contributions included a rather large gift card to the gaming database that housed most, if not all, the games the Tracy’s played frequently. He set him up an account already and bought him the two games he suggestion initially. John had ceded that if Scott planned to try gaming, he had a failsafe in place to make sure his email was not part of his plan.

Tucked into the side of the basket, Grandma had slid a cupcake tin. And innocently sitting beside the knitting needles was a whisk tied to a container of icing with a little white ribbon.

In the end they were all proud of the final result, massive as it was, and despite the IOU of the additional shipments due from Gordon’s plants and the bulk assorted white clothing items. The basket was huge, stuffed with tea bags in the empty spaces, and nearly too large for Virgil to carry with everything secured carefully from the mesh covering and twine around it.

Large shoulders heft the basket to the side and finagle it past the doorway of the infirmary. “Tell me where to go,” the basket says… but of course this is Virgil, somewhere behind the stack.

“The hell is all this?”

Virgil grunts, and John quickly clears the side table before coming up in front of him to help him towards Scott’s bed and lower the basket to a more stable surface. On the other side, Gordon has already sat himself down on the side of Scott’s bed, his back against the footrest. Almost instinctively, he’s reached for Scott’s leg. Alan, having plopped himself into the recliner beside them, curls himself up small and watches them all with bright eyes.

“I’m waiting.” Scott’s eyes are more alert than they’ve been, locked on Virgil and John. Maybe a bit amused.

“Okay, so we call it,” Alan pauses for effect, “Scotty’s Self-Care Basket.”

It was the nice name. Because they couldn’t exactly call out that their brother was boring, when they were trying to cheer him up, could they?

Apparently they could, because afterwards Gordon says, “You’re getting lame in your old age. You do nothing for fun, and we couldn’t think of the last time you’ve done anything for yourself—”

“—anything safe.” The glaze behind Virgil’s eyes tells them he’s thinking of that time Scott vacationed by parachuting.

“ – so we put together some suggestions for you.”

“Some?”

John steps forward to begin listing their suggestions. “It was a collaborative effort.”

#Gavii Scribit #Fic: Fixated #what is this

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curly-bangtan · 4 years

Text

Heatwave Anniversary Drabble: i miss u like ... a lot (M)

[Heatwave // Godless // Heatwave Drabbles] <- read first! but this drabble can be read alone

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Summary: One night until Taehyung is back from his boys’ trip but you miss him too much.

Genre: fluff, smut, kinda crack?, boyfriend/established relationship au

Warnings: unprotected sex (oc on contraception so don’t u do it), teasing over the phone, riding and grinding, just kinda vanilla i-missed-u-so-much sex, a particular selca

Word count: 5k

A/N: It was Heatwave’s one year anniversay on the 17th so I decided to write a quick(?) drabble for this. I fully intended on posting this on time, but wanted to change up some stuff so only managed to finish this now. Happy birthday to my first fic and forver my baby!

MOSTLY UNEDITED

The absolute one thing you hate most about your boyfriend being away from you is your boyfriend being away from you.

You have never been the clingy needy type, that is more his role in this relationship, nor are you really one to show affection. In fact, you would hate for that false image to be perceived of you because all that sappy shit makes you want to throw up your dinner. But one thing you’ve learnt since Taehyung had gone away on a week-long boys’ trip down by the coast is how cold the house feels in his absence, despite being in the middle of a sizzling summer.

Everything is so eerily quiet without his random outbursts into song and fits of laughter. Having spent 3 years living together, you have gotten so used to his constant presence that you had even caught yourself several times calling out for him only to remember that he isn’t here. Waking up without his arm draped around your waist, slided up your top at some point during the night, impacts you more than you’d like to admit.

Are you glad that he’s having a great time with his friends by the beach, relaxing all day and drinking all night? Of course. Are you having a great time all by yourself over here in the absence of your boyfriend? Certainly not.

Though, of course, this isn’t something you would confess to out loud, especially to him. He doesn’t need to know how often the thought: ugh fuck, I miss Tete is crossing your mind, lest you want him to rub his smugness in your face.

It isn’t just that. Your relationship hasn’t been without its tests in the course of its years and things have only finally stabilised. It’s not that you don’t trust Taehyung to be with his ladish friends for seven days, shirtless dusk till dawn, intoxicated to the point where he calls you thinking that you’re the pizza delivery guy but…

A hammered Taehyung at a beach full of girls who are no doubt thirsting over him leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You trust him to be loyal to his core, but you don’t trust anyone else to keep their hands from copping a feel. No matter how you look at it, you would just so much rather he be at home with you right now.

You have endured this for six days. Six full days without Taehyung. Six full days with no sex, no tummy kisses, no clammy hand holding even though you’re only to get groceries. Just one more night and this torture will fucking be over, praise the lord. But you also don’t know how much more you can hold back that I miss you text because you’re combusting from the need to see him again.

It’s almost 4am. Your sleep schedule is fucked and it’s really his fault.

The bright screen of your phone offers the only luminescence at this hour. Your messages from him in the past week have not been shy of your daily dose of Taehyung - clips of the beach (always mischievously caption with something along the lines of “thinking of Mykonos ;D” where you went on your first holiday together), selfies that you dwell way too long staring at because you miss that face buried in your neck, drunk videos of the antics him and the boys get up to that you’ll definitely chastise him for when he comes back yet can’t help but laugh at. You find yourself scrolling through them every single night.

Your personal favourite: a pouty selfie he sent you after he dropped his ice cream, the picture you always go back to and the one you’re staring at right now. His hair is frizzy from the sea, lips jutted out childishly and cheeks puffy. Your chest constricts, fuck...

Just one more night, you remind yourself. And then he’s back and all yours again.

Then suddenly, the phone in your hand vibrates, short and abrupt. The bar slides down from the top of your screen reading New Message from Tete. Surprised, you scramble to open it, maybe a bit too desperately for you to be proud of.

04:11

Tete: bby

You blink at those three letters, lips pressed together because your heart is cinching.

Tete: ur prob aslep rn but

Tete: i missu

Tete: <334

The typos indicate that he is wasted, and you take a guess that he has just returned from their last night out of the holiday. The corners of your lips turn up knowing that he is thinking of you right now.

You: no im awake

Your fingers are itching to reply with i miss u too, and it takes all your willpower and stubbornness to stay true to your steadfast self. There is just something so unpleasantly moist about these kinds of texts, something that makes you cringe and gag when you read them. You refuse to be one of those people. A heart is all that you allow yourself to reply.

You: <3

You: r u drunk?

Tete: drunk in love

Tete: yes

A giggle escapes you at his god awful cheesiness - drunk, sober alike. Insufferable. But probably Taehyung’s most endearing quality.

You: did u have fun!!

Tete: yeah

Tete: but i miss u

Tete: more than i had fun

God, you feel like a teenager again, suddenly overcome with this gushing urge to roll over and scream into your pillow. You’re glad he’s merely texting this to you right now because if he had said this to you face to face, your skin would most definitely stain scarlet from neck to hairline, scalding to the touch. Even months into officially being his girlfriend, these curveballs of overwhelming affection throw you off guard.

Again, the compulsion to tell him you miss him too yanks at your heartstrings. You truly don’t understand why it’s so hard for you to say how you feel, let yourself be soft and vulnerable. You know it’s one of your flaws so it’s something that you’re working on, but you can’t say you’ve made much progress.

But just as you decide that maybe you should take the plunge, suck it up and just text him those three words, he sends you a picture.

Tete:

No, not just a picture. A selfie, of him in bed, shirtless under the covers. “Oh, fuck…”

Hand clasped over your mouth to prevent any sound from involuntarily escaping, it takes a moment for your breath to return to you and for you to stop gawking. At this hour… Really? Is he seriously doing this to you right now?

His sleepy eyes. His messy curls. And his fucking nose mole.

The undoing of your existence.

Tete: this boy misses u :]

You: bruh

You: bruhhhhhhh

You: taehyung

Tete: oui my lady :))

You: 👁👄👁

You: can u not do this to my heart

You: y did u send me this </333

You: what was the reason

Tete: coz i miss u

Tete: do u like it

Tete: :D

‘Do u like it’... Actually, you have tears in your eyes, albeit mostly due to staring at a screen for too long so late at night, but it’s certainly contributed by this selfie. You tell yourself you’re acting out because it’s been six days since you last saw him. Perhaps Taehyung Withdrawal Symptoms is the explanation behind why you want to print and frame this picture because that is definitely not a normal reaction to a picture. But this is a masterpiece.

You: taehyung my soul left my body

You: like i could weep

You: u look so soft and fluffy

You: :’(

Tete: lollll

Tete: simp

This boy has some nerve?! Simp! He called you a simp?! Laughing like a maniac, you can’t even pretend to be mad at him, not after this picture he sent anyway. So you guess you are a simp. This selfie is your kryptonite.

Tete: jkjkkkkk

You: hahahaha

You: y r u doing this to me

You: its 4am

You: u can’t send me this rn

You: i won’t be able to sleep

Tete: o yeah how come ur still up?

Tete: go to sleepppp

You: can’t sleep

Tete: aw no whyyy

Because you miss him that’s why.

You miss Kim Taehyung. You miss Tete. You miss your boyfriend, your best friend, your other half. You miss his touch, his smile, his wide eyes when he’s confused. You miss his morning snuggles and late night kisses. You miss the way he hugs you from behind as you prepare your meals. You miss the wandering hands that he can’t help when you’re out in public. You miss playing PUBG together until the sun comes out then both sleeping past noon. You miss taking baths together where bubbles would get into your mouth as your kisses get heated.

You just miss him.

It’s only been six days and you’re in this state. What has he done to you?

Fingers hovering over the keyboard, you let out a great sigh and deflate. No other reason offers itself for you to be awake at this hour; he knows you cherish sleep above anything. Teeth digging into your lip, you inhale long and hard, then exhale the gust of your cowardice. It’s not that deep, stupid. Fuck it.

You: coz

You: i miss u

You: like … a lot

You: 🙄

It’s final - you guess you’ve become a mushy wet sap. Truly it is embarrassing how big of a step this is for you; but the sense of pride and accomplishment feels oddly validating. Baby steps. The eye-rolling emoji right after is subconscious because you could only betray the core of your character that much. Forgo it and taehyung might not believe that it’s you.

Tete: omg

Tete: :D

Tete: rrly?

You: *blank kissy emoji*

Tete: wow

Tete: u actually don’t know how hard i’m smiling rn

You: simp

Tete: ofc that’s my middle name

Tete: i miss u a lot too

Tete: like a lotttttt

Tete: i’ll show u how much when i’m back

Ah… Of course, the Taehyung specialty - smothering you with his affection. You freeze at the thought of his wildfire kisses and head between your thighs. Nothing screams of how much you’ve missed each other more than a good dicking down, climax after climax until you’re both panting messes of sweat and entangled limbs. The anticipation makes you squirm under the sheets, legs pressing together.

You: pls do

You: i need u

It’s uncertain what spirit has possessed you at this ungodly hour for these words to come out of you. There’s an instant flash of ickiness, but you let the self-cringing simmer and dissipate into the realisation that this is okay, this is normal. Taehyung’s your boyfriend, couples text like this. You need to grow some.

Tete: fuck baby

Tete: i’m so not used to u texting like this, it's driving me crazy

You: crazy how *cat smirk*

If you weren’t smiling before, you’re definitely grinning like an idiot now. His reaction is predictable, yet oddly still, an incredible wave of satisfaction hits you. And because you want to savour this moment, maybe give him a taste of his own medicine, you send him a picture of yourself.

Camisole strap slid off your shoulder, hair splayed out, bottom lip deep red from biting down on it too much. Just to return the favour.

Tete: y/n

Tete: call me now

-Incoming call from Tete-

Laughing to yourself, you wait a good few seconds before picking up to prolong his torture. “Yes, Taehyung?” You put your thumb between your teeth to suppress the laughter.

“Fuck.” Against the silence of the night, the low rasp of his voice permeating into you from the speaker of your phone sends tingles up your toes. You’ve fucking missed his voice more than you thought. “Y/N… You can’t do this to me.”

“I told you, I miss you. Like… a lot.” The saccharine tone in your reply is foreign to your own ears, but you like the sound of it and the deep rumble it elicits from your boyfriend.

“How much?” Taehyung eggs you on. His words are barely slurred, so you gather that he has sobered up at least for the most part by now. Yet there is still a slowness to it that suggests

“Hmm, like… I touched myself every night at the thought of you a lot.”

A sharp inhale. Then silence. But you know better so you give him a moment to gather himself.

“You shouldn’t be putting that image in my head.” Exasperation is evident in his voice, desperate and yearning. You can imagine him now, one hand on his phone, the other sliding over his pants that are getting a bit too tight for comfort. Your breath hitches.

“Then you shouldn’t have sent me that picture, Taehyung…”

“You said it was soft and fluffy. What you sent me back was not soft and fluffy.”

“Just because it’s soft doesn’t mean it doesn’t turn me on. You do things to me… okay?” Heat trapped beneath the skin of your cheeks, your grip on the phone against your ear slackening as your thighs rub together.

“Fuck, I’m getting hard, baby…” Nothing gets him going more than the knowledge that he turns you on, it’s his weakness but somewhat his strength.

“That’s… unfortunate. Are you going to do something about it?”

His gulp is audible even over the phone. “Uh…” A sigh. “Um. Maybe. Thoughts are being thought.”

“What kind of thoughts? Thoughts about me touching myself and moaning your name? Thoughts about how much I wish my fingers were your cock thrusting so deep into me that I feel it in my guts? Or are you thinking about what you’ll do to me when you’re back tomorrow? Fucking my mouth until I’m crying or filling me up with your cum first?” Your hips buckle at the filth leaving your mouth. This is more like you; you haven’t abandoned your nature after all.

“Oh, fuckkkk.” His moan resonates into your skull, not quite as if he’s here with you but good enough to fill your desire. “Y/N… I need you so badly.” Breath ragged, you hear movement of his sheets in the background as he adjusts into a more comfortable position.

“Are you stroking your cock right now?” A warm slick oozes out of your own entrance. There’s something about Taehyung masturbating to you that elevates you to a different kind of high.

“What do you think, baby?” As you listen closely, you hear the slow rhythm of his pumping, and your fingers ache to pleasure yourself. ‘The things I’ll fucking do to you when I’m back.”

“Mmm, but it’s late, Taehyung, why don’t we go to sleep.”

“Wait, what?” The stroking stops instantly and surprise in his voice releases a smug satisfaction into your veins. The equivalent of pouring a bucket of ice water over his head right now. Teasing is an old undying habit, what can you say? “You wanna end the call now?”

“Yeah, we should sleep, babe.” Grin unsuppressed, you turn over onto your side, probably a bit too pleased with yourself at your success. Taehyung is an easy victim always.

“What the fuckkk?” Your boyfriend groans. “You’re seriously going to tease me this hard then leave me high and dry?” When you offer no more response than a sly chuckle, he add, “You’re so evil.”

“Save it for tomorrow, Taehyung. Think about it, we’re one sleep away from seeing each other again.”

“Fuck, I know. But you just got me so fucking horny, bruhhh. I thought we were gonna have phone sex.” You are still laughing at his whining, basking in the victory you’re holding over him.

“Taehyung, save it for the real sex.” The idea of phone sex crossed your mind several times to be honest, but you really want to collect every single drop of desire and longing and unleash it tomorrow. Raw and pent up. Nothing to dampen the fire.

A sigh of defeat down the line. “You’re going to be the death of me, you know?” You know. “How am I supposed to sleep now though? I’m so rock hard that it hurts.”

“You can figure that out yourself, big guy.” Your cheeks ache from smiling for too long; they often do during calls with him. “One sleep away, okay?”

“Ugh, fine, you demon. I can’t believe you sometimes.” He lets out another sigh. Your heart skips at the anticipation of how he will punish you for this. “Good night, I miss you.”

“Good night, I miss you more.” There’s a sudden change of tone with these words. Because you truly mean it. Sex and physical intimacy aside, you really just missed his voice, his banter.

You fall asleep almost immediately.

You don’t think you’ve heard a sweeter sound than the keys rattling at the door the next day. Practically leaping off the couch where you had been awaiting him in your Taeyhyung-less boredom, you run to the door.

As it swings open, heat courses to your chest when your eyes land on his, so full of comfort. Your boyfriend is home. Handsome as ever, much more tanned than your memory of him and much more attractive. White t-shirt and loose black shorts, a mundane outfit that only he could make look exceptional.

And as much as you want to sprint up and throw yourself onto him, your feet stay planted on the floor.

“Hey.” You barely breathe out.

Stay calm and composed, you tell yourself. It was only one week without him, it’s not like he’s returning from war.

But Taehyung doesn’t even reply, because in two long strides he is standing before you, bags tossed to the side, a sign of their insignificance in the presence of you. His arms find their home circled around you, face buried in your hair before you can utter another word. You don’t hesitate to return his embrace, holding his waist as you let yourself fall into his chest. He smells like what summer should, the ocean, sweat and young love; his familiar musk greeting you as if he never left.

Your lips meet his, strong and full of intent. He’s so unexpectedly soft when he kisses back, a timeless romantic dance like he is saviour your taste on his tongue.

With your weight leaning on him, he slowly topples back, stepping hastily until your bodies land on the couch. You fit your legs on either side of him as you burrow your nose in his neck and breathe him in, memorise him. In nothing but a large shirt, your bare thighs are exposed for his roaming.

When you pull away and face each other, you are struck by his beauty. His skin is sun-kissed and glowing, hair an effortlessly beautiful mess, the slightest hint of a stubble peeking through below his nose. Your heart belongs to him forever, you know it without a doubt.

“You smell so good. I missed you so much, baby.” And his voice… That deep baritone honey that you have taken for granted all this time - music to your ears.

“Imissedyoutoo…” You mumble, shy under his undivided attention and mercilessly unbroken eye contact.

With your chests pressed together, his chuckle rumbles into you. “What was that?”

“I missed you too… I guess.” Face flaming, you can’t bring yourself to meet his eye at your admittance, fingers twirling around his curls to preoccupy yourself.

But he cups your chin and turns your face to him, forehead pressing up to yours until your noses are touching, breaths mixing. “That’s not what you said last night.” Taehyung smirks, hands sliding down to your waist, the material of your shirt bunching up in his hands. “Do I need to remind you?”

“No…” You find yourself unable to keep your eyes open, your core pulsing mercilessly as you grind onto him. “How are you already hard, Taehyung…” And though you mean to scold him, it comes out breathless.

Lips hovering, he traces the edge of your jaw, tingling the sensitive little hairs on its way to your ear. When he reaches the shell of your ear, warm breath infiltrating so relentlessly into you, you almost lose yourself right there on his lap. “Don’t you know how much I love you?” He whispers.

“Show me.” Is all you make out.

His hands are already beneath your shirt before you even notice, palms kneading into your breasts as he takes your nipples between his two fingers and rolls. As he kisses you again, the same tenderness exchanges between your lips. It’s a different kind of desperation to be so slow and gentle, one that means so much more than sex, one that’s telling of how much you truly missed each other. Your hips roll with a mind of their own over him. One hand of his comes down to your ass, guiding the waves of your rocking. And each time his stiff clothed member digs into your clit, you whimper into his mouth.

Carefully, Taehyung rolls you over onto your back, sucking your bottom lip to keep the seal from breaking. He pulls away when he’s on top of you, and a string of glistening saliva bridges between your mouths. “Foreplay or no? Tell me what you want?” Compliant as ever.

“I need you to fill me up right now. Anything else can wait.” You watch the devotion ignite in his eyes. His fingers are in a hurry as they pull your panties off, knees spreading your legs open as he kneels between your gaping entrance. He tugs his shirt off from the collar, such smoothness in his action that your insides coil up. His newly-bronzed rich skin revealed, you can’t help but reach up and run your hands down from chest to navel, revelling in his blemishless ridges.

A low sound reverberates from the back of Taehyung’s throat as your touch travels down to unbutton his shorts. They fall loose. His hard throbbing members springs free, a glistening bead oozing from his slit. “You didn’t wear boxers?”

When you glance up, you notice his sheepish grin. He presses his mouth onto yours, still smiling, guiding you back onto your back. “I just couldn’t wait.” Taehyung whispers. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, especially since last night… Ah, fuck.” Another deep groan erupts from him as you reach down and slather that bead of precum all over his tip. His head falls onto your neck, writhing under your merciless stroking.

His tip brushing against your clit, your toes curls at the teasing of your weakness, hips jolting up involuntarily and perhaps a bit too violently. You’re so embarrassingly sensitive after this many days without Taehyung, and he notices from your breathless reaction. Smirking, he takes his shaft in his hand and runs his stiff head over your clit mercilessly. And as you roll your head back helplessly, he nibbles onto your exposed neck, faint stubble grazing your skin.

“Quit the teasing…” You whine, unable to withstand the build up of twisting pressure begging to be fulfilled between your legs. “Just put-”

Taehyung pushes himself into you so abruptly that you yelp. And there it is, that mind-melting stretch of your walls that you’ve so much missed. “Fuck, Taehyung…” Your entire core feels ablaze, so numbing that your nails dig into the leather of the couch before they find grip on his arms.

“Like that, baby?” His voice his strained, as if he’s struggling not to lose his mind as well.

Nodding because you can’t make out a word as he slowly pulls out, you grab his face and pull him up to meet your lips. You whimper into him mouth when he rams into you again, hitting your walls in full force, no mercy. His kiss doesn’t lose its sincerity despite the juxtaposition of his vigorous thrusts, though you can’t say that he is quite as gentle with as before. You pinch his bottom lip between your teeth, sucking on it as your fingers get lost in his hair.

After seven days of deprevation of his cock, your cunt is leaking with the fluid of your arousal, aiding in the ease of each plunge. You feel the stiffness of his ridges pulling you open as he slides in and out of you. “Fuck…” He pants, mouth hovering over yours.

“Let me get on top.” Taehyung’s eyes flash at your suggestion, instantly rolling onto his back. He slips out during the switch of position and the wetness of your cunt is assailed by a sudden rush of cool air.

You swing your leg over and mount him, watching him watch you pump his dick, your own liquid slathered over him sticky in your hand. Letting his member fall against his abdomen, you grind over him between your folds, hands splayed out over his chest. The friction created each time your clit would slide over the thin pinch of skin where his tip unfolded into his shaft has Taehyung a groaning mess.

He looks remarkable under you.

You push his sweat-dampened curls out of his forehead, eyes half closed in euphoria, half watching you roll your cunt so lewdly over his length. You know you could make him cum like this if you continue. But you want him to cum inside you first, you want to feel that thick hot spurt of his desire shoot again and again into you until his cock is twitching.

So slowly, lubricated by your wetness, you sink inch by inch down until the skin of your ass meets his thighs. This angle fuck with your mind; you think you feel him at your cervix. Then your hips start to do what they know best, pounding over him with a rhythm that you’re proud of.

Taehyung grabs hold of your waist, your breasts, fury in his eyes as he watches you ride him with such determination. “I love you so much.” He heaves between heavy breaths.

“I love you, I missed you more than you could imagine.” You huff, thumb running over his red swollen lips.

“I love when you admit it.” He sits up and takes the swell of your breast in his mouth, making his way to your nipples where his tongue relentlessly flickers over.

Your thighs are starting to burn, core aching because his cock is thrusting up into you so deep that you feel it in your guts. The signs are appearing - your vision is going hazy, walls squeezing tightly around him, tangle upon tangles knoting in your stomach. His are too - his head is slumped against your chest, arms crossed behind your back as he holds you close to him, whole body starting to tense as he begins to curse.

Pace quickening, you don’t let the tire of your muscles stop you from your chase. The slap of your skins ringing in your ears, you keep riding, cunt swallowing his cock whole each bounce. Taehyung breaks first. “Fuck!” He calls out into your neck. His cum squirts into you, pulse after pulse, your boyfriend’s hips jolting each thrust.

“I’m so close, babe, keep going for me.” You plead, knowing how sensitive he is right after his climax. He nods wordlessly, face still buried in you hair. The lubrication of his cum abolishes any resistance, letting you slide over him easier than sitting down. And not five thrusts later, your own coil snaps. You through your head back at the wave of pleasure that drowns you, your entire core on fire as your moans echo through the room. It takes maybe twenty seconds for your walls to stop throbbing and for the orgasm to slowly die down.

Taehyung is already growing limp inside you after his orgasm. “Thank you.” You whisper against his forehead while you dismount. His cum flows out of your slit and down the insides of your thighs, but he refuses to let go of you.

When he looks up, you are struck by an overwhelming sensationf of adoration. His long dark curls fall slightly over his eyes, in disarray but just the way you like it. His eyes are so full of genuine love and gratitude of having you that you can’t help but capture him with your lips. “No, thank you.” He mumbles against you, falling back onto the couch with you in his embrace.

After a long kiss of after-sex affection, you pull away before it leads to a second round. “I want you to know that I really missed you a lot. I can’t even call you a big baby anymore because I stared at all the pictures you sent me every night till the sun came out.”

Taehyung’s boyish smile melts your heart. You’ve missed him way too much. His smile, his goofy comments, his tender kisses. “My heart… is squeezing…” If his smile doesn’t tell how smitten he is, his eyes definitely do. “I missed you so much too. All the boys made fun of me for being such a wettie ‘coz I couldn’t shut up about you.” The thought is so endearing that you can’t help but hide your face.

“So how was your trip? Plenty of hot girls drooling after you?” Trick question of course, you know that for a fact already.

“Haha, it was good, fun. Bet you couldn’t sleep ‘coz you were trembling from jealousy.” Scoffing you land a smack on his chest. “But nah, no hot girls. Nowadays there’s only one hot girl in my eyes.”

Your own lips spread like a cheshire cat. “Shut up, cutie.”

“Rachel McAdams.”

“Let go of me. Don’t even touch me.”

A/N: Moral of the story, never sit on their couch if you’re a guest at the Heatwave house.

24/08/20

@taexxxiiaa @shookpreme @taetaeobsessed @tangledsparkles @nonexistentfucks @evilkookie @nbiased95 @shimtatae @taehyungmakesmeoof @itscalledgayhoney @tahaing @yes-another-wannabe-hipster-blog @deliciouslydisturbed365 @getmemyfries @expensive-bangtan-girl @jwlmnbt @herakimkim @dnyad @kaepjjang365 @angelswrld @expensive-bangtan-girl @icyi-sky @gingerpeachtae @spring2787 @monixreal @askingtheimportantthingshere @casualminiaturetimemachine @xblackclover13x @vasysauce @deadinsidebitch2412 @emiyooa @i-dont-even-know-fck @chimycthulhu @gixanjos @hisunshiine @xtaeyi @softjellyjimin @bluemooncnblue @malfeitofeitto @bangtanfancamp @keopitae @out-of-jams @camilaxpolanco @d-noona @haechanspudu @dawnispeace @vante-visuals @liquanzhe222 @bangtanloverrrrr @bs14401 @seokjoontae @comingjimin @jeonsshadow @honeyspillings @taeshotteok @embrace-themagic @wataemelonz @ftvante @kth-jae @sintatae @lunarnovaa @reputae @imajinative @haosmull8 @sssaltyasian @brilliantlybasicb @devilsadvocater @ladyartemesia @btsglitter @besosalvolar @jayparkjustchokeme @johnnyseotolemyheart @bubblegumyuss @octo-donut @ftvante @gia-the-mermaid @miss-peys @fantasticallyabnormal @purplestar00paintblotch @taetaeismybaebae @jooachu @bringitseijoh @bboyseventeenn @lpayne612 @misohime @petuliii @slutdropjin @kyelamarie

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daisylore-au · 3 years

Note

To Tommyinnit!

Hello, I’m Ghostbur! I was missing you a lot today, so I wrote this letter! You can’t read it right now, and I do hope you won’t get to read it for a long, long time, but they say writing your feelings down is a good way to think. I haven’t written many letters, but I think I should start by saying I’m sorry. It was very rude of me to leave without saying goodbye. It wasn’t on purpose! But I am still sorry. I know you said you didn’t want Alivebur to come back, but I know you care about him. I hope the resurrection worked and you two are getting along again. I hope it turned out okay for you.

Things turned out better than expected for me! I thought if Alivebur got resurrected, I’d disappear into the void and be alone forever, or that I might just stop existing all together. I was really, really scared Tommy. And for a little bit, I could feel myself falling into the void. But someone caught me.

Did you know Philza Minecraft’s wife is Death? I’m not sure why, but I could have sworn his wife was a refrigerator! I like her much better this way, though. Mumza is a very nice lady and she took me to her home! Its very nice here. She has a big library full of stories, and she says I’m good at music, and there are birds everywhere. She treats me like family, but she doesn’t call me Wil. She says I’m my own person. Its taken getting used to, but I think I like it.

I still miss you, and Philza, and Technoblade and Friend and everyone. I still dream about L’Manberg. Even though this is my home now, I still get homesick for the old times. Mumza says I’ll see you all again someday, but since she’s Death I think maybe she’s talking about when you all die. Don’t rush for me! I can wait, and when you do finally come, we can share so many stories. I hope you find that happy ever after you deserve.

PS. Take care of Friend for me! :)

Love, Ghostbur!

Dear Ghostbur,

So this is pretty stupid because I know you’ll never get this letter (considering you’re dead and shit) but Puffy told me that sometimes writing out my feelings is better than speaking them. I’ve never really been good at speaking (or writing) things so I thought I’d give it a go because I’m the best.

I’m sorry I got you ki

I feel gui

I want to thank you, man. For everything. I don’t want to get sappy because Tubbo might find it or something and I think I would rather blow up a country (sorry not sorry) than him read this but you were kind of there for me when nobody else was. In exile, even if you fucked off halfway through but that actually wasn’t your fault and I don’t really hold it against you. When I got out of prison. When I was alone. When I thought I had nobody. You can tell I’ve been to therapy because I’m being open and honest about my feelings which isn’t exactly something I’d done before coz Wilbur and Philza are shit at feelings and never open up about anything (which actually makes me better than them because I’m at therapy and they’re not. Sucks to be them. They’re dumb.)

But yeah. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for sticking by me even when I was horrible to you a lot of the time sometimes. You were a lot nicer to me than Wilbur was, and I think I took a lot of my feelings towards him out on you at times, which was a bit shit of me. He’s still dead, by the way. I thought maybe when you died, he’d come back, and I was really scared not really sure what to think if he did. But he didn’t, so now I’m just kind of brotherless. Which is fine, you know, brothers fuck off every so often, but it was lonely for a while.

I’m not alone anymore, though. There’s this kid - her name is Henry (yes like the cow, fuck off) - and she’s kind of mine? Now I’M like the big brother which is fucking weird, but she’s cool. You would have liked her, I think. Her favourite colour is blue, and she has a toy sheep that she calls Buddy (think she got that from you, though I have no idea how). Puffy told me to tell you that I’m happy because she was trying to ask me what you’d say if I told you that, but I told her I didn’t think you’d say anything. I think you’d’ve hugged me, and I think you would’ve cried, even though crying hurts you, but it would’ve been happy tears.

It’s nice not being alone. I hope you’re not alone, wherever you are. You won’t be alone for too long - I’ll be coming up before you know it, I mean, fucking hell, I’m twenty now. I think. (I still don’t know when my birthday is actually but Philza Minecraft says I’m twenty and he’s never wrong), but I hope maybe someone is with you. Maybe Wilbur? I dunno how well you’d both get on, but I think even someone is better than no one.

Fuck me, man, this is so rambly. This is the first time I’ve spoken about you properly to anyone. Well. I guess I’m technically just speaking to myself, actually. But maybe one day when I die when I’m old like Philza you’ll see this and then you’ll think I’ve gone all soft (WHICH I’VE NOT BY THE WAY). But I just wanted to let you know that I think I’ve got my happy ending, even after fucking everything over the past few years. I think I’m finally happy. I have a family, a proper family, and I have my friends, and the server is at peace.

If you see Dream by the way, tell him I

Hope you’re having a good time in Heaven, big man. I mean. If you got into Heaven. Coz if you didn’t and you’re in Hell then I’ve got no fucking chance. And I don’t fancy the big flaming ground pit

Does Heaven even exist?

Getting all existential again holy shit.

Anyways. I’m going for dinner at Tubbo’s (WHO HAS A KID TOO CALLED MICHAEL) and Henry’s coming in from school (we finally have a fucking education system in this place) so I’m going to leave it here. Cheers again for everything, seriously. I’m sorry things ended the way they did, and I hope you get peace, because if anyone deserves it, it’s you.

Thank you for being my brother when I needed one the most

Miss you a lot

TOMMY. (AKA Big Man, AKA Big T, AKA Biggest T.)

#anon that letter made me cry when i first read it :')#hope you don't mind my shitty little in-character response !!#brain's scattered so it's not the best but this is c!tommy Growing TM #> daisy lore: writing #> daisy lore: ghostbur #> daisy lore: tommy #tw death #tw grieving #tw mourning #tw grief #tw guilt #long post

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cosmiclatte28 · 3 years

Text

minors do not read (heavy rage, more sinful than smut) not a fanfic (please, its really me raging like the world is ending. its embarrassing but it kinda calms me down 1%)

When I decided to stand up, dust myself off, and take another step... life just directly throw a big ass lemon on my face.

WARNING : THE WORDS BELOW THIS LINE ARE STRONG, FULL OF RAGE, CURSES AND YOU NEVER SEE THIS SIDE OF ME BEFORE. SO, if you're a minor, you never read some rage message, never want to see me as a monster, pass over this post thank you so much. no one has to read this, i'm just screaming to the world

I want to cry :) but I know it's not gonna solve anything

I am tired. Why am I knocked down back to the ground just after I convince myself things will be okay

I'm so mentally confused, afraid, exhausted, and tired.

Give me something to hold on. Inject me happiness, whatever.

I'll be away again. I am so sorry why am I so unstable like this.

I want to end everything, but again it's just a "small unfortunate bad day" said people

f you universe. you won, i'm tired. I'll just sit down here and watch as I realize just how bad my decisions are to stop but I am exhausted.

I WANT TO THROW A WATERMELON TO THE GROUND

I WANT TO SQUISH A FLUFFY BALL OF CAT

I WANT TO BITE A HAND

I WANT TO BURN MYSELF :)) NO NOT ROAST, BURN

FUUUUUMMMMM i hate my unstable emotion what is this. DO I HAVE A DOUBLE PERSONALITY?

should i call the mental help line? should i start making appointments? is this my breaking point?

I still have lots to do tonight but I'm just so close to fuck everything and just well be a disappointment 🤐

THIS IS A RAGE POST. IT'S MY RAGE. MY FRUSTRATION OF TODAY AND MY REGRET OF TOMORROW

fuck me like literally and figuratively

on my way to just go make hinge tinder and find guys

i don't care anymore

don't be like me. i'm a bad example

how am i expected to survive in life if something like today just made me overwhelmed

a lot of things make me overwhelmed eew what's this

who is this weak girl. the real me? eew :) let's keep on being fake strong . keep the weak girl aside..

and tonight as you still have to sit and meet people and talk. don't break down there, don't rage there and don't get mad at innocent people.

shut the lips. distract your mind or well at least think of nothing. keep acting and don't let anyone know.

LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE AM I HEARING TONIGHT HM?

will tomorrow be different? IT BETTER BE. FFS I'LL REALLY TURN CRAZY IF TOMORROW IS EVEN WORSE THAN THIS

my keyboard could broke if i continue writing this. ITS FURIOUS ITS SCARY AND I could feel myself disgusted b y me.

i am the storm, i am the monster, i am just another regular human without a perfect life. who has flaws, a lot of rage, a lot of unstable emotions, a lot of bullshit and well a holy virginity thats all. but idk

i want to take a walk but that won't be a great idea seeing how i will doze off in the middle of the road.

my head feels like exploding and no it's not an expression

is my blood pressure rising? or is it too low?

i know my mistakes, i know my sins, i know my secrets and i hate all of that. What's the point of people seeing you as a good stable girl when in reality is you're a total opposite? PUBLIC PLAY . life is prettier with lies right?

I'm scared of what I've become

MINORS AGAIN... SKIP THIS OR WELL JUST IDK unfollow for a while if this scares you.

PLEASE THERE'S MANY TRIGGER HERE. DON'T READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO PUT AS THE TW. but don't. It's scary. I don't know where else to put. I want to write it and burn it but i shouldn't play with fire not at this state of mind....

*******************************************************

A great liar. A double personality? Or just a lonely lunatic 🤷‍♀️

My lies in the web is >>>> irl lies. I didn't lie when i meet people irl, but once I am cosmic or someone else ... i'm a totally different person

Gosh i'm a good spy material except for the crybaby part hahahah fuck i keep calling myself crybaby but til now i couldn't cry. Coz my head keeps yelling to me that i shouldn't cry because "crying won't solve any problem"

Can I get all the science part of tumblr and teach me how do I inject happiness but not in form of drugs to this amazingly still clean blood vessels?

Can I get all the optimistic side of tumblr and fuckin block my head from thinking pessimistic thing even for a 1/10000000000 sec

Can I get all the doctors here in tumblr to just check me if my heart is actually still beating with life and not just oxygen and bloods.

Am I still alive or is this heart just trying its best to make me live but not feel alive

I know I shouldn't spend my time being like this. No one knows when your story ends. I've always been that annoying person who says "Life is so short. Enjoy every moment" WELL YEAH NOW I AM ENJOYING MY SUFFERING thanks?

One time i was so happy life really slap hard in the face. NOT EVEN IN THE ASS..COME ON.. IF ITS IN THE ASS I might like it and ask for more.. but well life is bitch

LIVE IS EVIL if you read it from the other direction. Yes once again perspective won

Perspective dang it. Idk i'm tired of existing. I need to stop lying, but once you lie and once you got used to it.... its so hard to stop

Like me ... you slowly become a monster. Who loathe herself for not stopping herself to become a monster

Yes i am your beauty you meet irl in web but once i'm alone and facing life. Well I might be the wicked witch but i'm not gracious or tall enough to be them.. so.. i'm a monster

The one you don't dare to look at night or day. The one who makes you sleep with one eye open..the one who makes you ask your parents to check the closet and under your bed.

I am the monster in your nightmare and I am taking over cosmic as she writes this.

This is not cosmic. She's never like this.

Reach out cosmic, ask for help and see how no one cares because they all got their problems to face. Come back here cosmic, stay with your darkest fears. Feed us with your happiness. Drown yourself in our darkness and close your eyes as you make yourself get used to the loud silence of eye stabbing darkness

The monster inside my soul

#rant #one of those nights #i survived?#inject me happiness

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maiikawriter · 3 years

Note

ooh fun, new fandoms 👀

How are you feeling about.. Angst "first discovery of a lie" with Erwin and Levi?

I'd say drabble coz I can't imagine a scene that would convey this in a picture 🤔

I hope it sparks joooy and congrats on the milestone 🎉

Words: 584

Pairing: Eruri (Erwin/Levi)

Fandom: Attack on Titan

Genre: Angst

“You knew they would die,” Levi said, his voice a threatening rasp.

Erwin exhaled, calming the uproar starting in his heart as he moved past the flickering light from the fireplace, crossing the room to meet Levi, door clicking closed behind him. There was so much more being said beneath Levi’s accusation.

Erwin had assured Levi when he’d sent his team that their mission was bound to be a success. He’d even attributed his confidence to Levi’s leadership, claiming this team would be safe under his command. But even then, he knew it was a suicide mission. Levi alone returned. But Levi was different. Erwin knew he would survive against all odds, so he’d sent him off with confidence behind his lie. Because when he’d assured Levi his team would be returning, he was taking comfort in knowing the person who mattered most to him would. It was probably the only reason he’d been able to roll the lie off his tongue like silk.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin said, kneeling before Levi, trying not to be hurt by Levi’s scoff and recoil from Erwin’s reaching hand. “I’m sorry, Levi. I lied to you. I shouldn’t have.”

He repeated the apology and confessed his guilt, still feeling it wasn’t enough. The words were too simple, too emotionless to convey the hurt he felt while watching Levi be torn apart by this. Erwin hated watching Levi bear the losses behind glares and accusations like this. But if he could go back, Erwin wouldn’t have done it any differently. Those soldiers gave their hearts for the survival of humanity. They all had to make their sacrifices some time. Erwin had a sure feeling his time was just around the corner. He wanted to spend as much of the time he had left as possible with Levi. If that meant lying to Levi to make sure he left for missions with the confidence he needed to return safely, Erwin would continue to tell him white lies.

Levi slid his glare toward Erwin. “Bullshit. You and I both know that’s a shit apology, Erwin.”

“What would you have me do?” Erwin said with a wry smile, reaching again for Levi’s hand and taking it this time. “Tell you you’re going to lose them all before you head out to face Titans?”

Levi blew out a ragged breath, combing his free hand through his hair as his sharp eyes met Erwin’s and softened. “The lie is better, hm?”

Erwin nodded, pressing his lips together. Levi understood, but he didn’t look convinced. He didn’t have to be. He wouldn’t be convinced the next time Erwin would tell this lie, either. But Erwin didn’t need him to believe it. All he needed - all they needed - was the existence of the lie and the time it bought them to convince themselves that they were safe, that they had a future, and that they could be happy in this world together in the end.

As a captain in the Survey Corps, Levi would have to get used to this. This was the first lie between them, but it wouldn’t be the last.

Prompt list of firsts

#eruri #asks #syusuke #attack on titan #AoT fanfic #Erwin #Levi #angst #prompt list of firsts #it did spark joy THANK YOU for this ask #asks still open

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miminorenai · 3 years

Photo

(...I was very happy with the flowers and his feelings.) The distance with Vlad is getting closer little by little. Meanwhile, she heard a certain story from Arthur. “Several corpses have been found in strange state, with every drop of their blood drained.”

CHAPTER 05

The winter sky is always beautiful, but the sky I looked up at after waking up today feels even prettier than usual.

After preparing breakfast as always, I decorate the dining room with the clematis flowers I received from Vlad yesterday.

Vlad “In the language of flowers...it means the joy of travelers.” MC “The joy of travelers...” Vlad “Right. Hey, Mimi. I want you to tell me your worries that you can’t say to your precious ones.” Vlad “If that could make you feel better, I wish for you to live your life to the fullest. Will you listen to my selfishness?”

(...I was very happy with the flowers and Vlad’s feelings.)

The fact that there is a person who accepts the emotion I locked up alone reassures me terribly.

As my lips curled into a broad smile while remembering Vlad’s gentle smile...

Arthur “Morning, Mimi. You’re still the cutest today.”

MC “Haha, yeah yeah. Good morning, Arthur. For breakfast...say, what’s with that ‘I don’t need it’ face?

Arthur “Hmm, *how very perceptive. I was writing until morning, but I can’t see the end of it...so can I just have coffee?”

(*ご明察 - so insightful, as you indicated/presumed.

MC “Yeah, please wait then. I’ll bring it after I brew one.”

As I return to the dining room after pouring sugar free coffee into a cup...,

Arthur was looking over the newspaper with a serious expression.

MC “Here, thank you for waiting. What’s wrong, with that serious look. Was there any article that’s *bothering you?”

(*気になる - curious, wonder, catch one’s eyes

Arthur “I wonder if everything is to be concerned about. All the articles are nothing but dangerous. Here, take a look.”

On the spread front page, articles on theft and murder...those make me unconsciously looking away.

From the start, this world is not really peaceful and calm, but I can tell it from the *surface that it has become more dangerous just of late.

(*肌 - skin, body

(...There is an intense wealth inequality in this era. Helping hands are not extended towards those seeking aid and labor.)

Recently, there have been repeated cases of aristocrats are being targeted by dissatisfied citizens.

(...The boy who came to Vlad to buy flowers was also wearing worn-out/tattered/battered clothes. Also.)

The hands that grasp the coin tightly to buy the flowers was full of scratches and stained of pitch black, perhaps because he was working in a coal mine.

Somehow I want to do something about it, but I feel frustrated with the reality that I can't change it right away...

Arthur “It seems that various incidents are happening every day, but this incident is just strange...”

MC “...Strange incident?”

Arthur “Several corpses have been found in strange state, with every drop of their blood drained.”

Arthur “In addition, when they examine the body of the corpses, it seems that all of them are ‘having criminal records’ or ‘those who commits some kind of crimes’.”

(...In other words.)

MC “...Are people who have done bad/wrong things being punished?”

Arthur “I'm not sure what it really means, but it seems that many people interpret it as you say.”

Arthur “It seems that some people deify him and call him ‘The Flowers of Evil’, like a novel world. It’s just...”

Arthur “In reality, it’s not allowed.”

Arthur’s large glass bead eyes are dyed in desperate shades.

Arthur “Different people have their own standards of what’s evil and what’s justice. If everyone judges by their own ethics, the world will go crazy.”

Arthur “That’s why law exists and there’s police force.”

Arthur unwraps his serious look, takes off his glasses, and then he surprisingly smiles.

(...?)

Arthur “So, you should be careful. You don't want to be attacked in the middle of a secret date, right?”

MC “Date...!?”

(...This is surely about Vlad, right? I don’t mean to keep my meeting a secret, but it’s somewhat embarrassing.)

(Here it is —)

(...Arthur is uselessly sharp, so the more you say something, the more it backfires.)

Arthur “Remaining silent, aren’t you? But unfortunately, if you shut your lips, all the more it gets me fired up.”

Arthur “Well then, why did I think you were dating...let me tell you the reasoning now.”

Arthur “First of all, the flowers decorated in the mansion have changing a lot these days. So I guess, the other party is a florist...?”

(He’s sharp...!)

Arthur “The second one, you went to meet the person every day. Recently, you often came back separately from Sebas.”

（ううう…！）(Uuu...!)

Arthur “And the third, you’ve become more and more cute lately. No more excuses with this.”

Arthur “I’m worried~ Can he protect Mimi from this dangerous world?”

All of the sudden, Arthur *squints and as he reaches out to me...

(*目を細め - to close one's eyes partly, to smile with one's whole face, to look fondly at

Arthur “...Hey, Mimi. After all, you should choose the strong and gentle mystery writer right in front of you...OUCH!”

Theo “You think?”

Vincent “Hehe, you won’t consider it, would you? ‘Coz Arthur is the most dangerous one.”

MC “Theo, Vincent...!”

Arthur “Hey...Theo. Don’t you have anything to do with your fist? What would you do if I get dumb?”

Theo “Maybe your cunning will stop working and you’ll become a little bit of a decent person.”

Vincent “Hehe, they are really close friends today too, right, Mimi?”

With a question mark floating in his mind, Theo shrugs his shoulders.

Theo “And there’s no need to be worried. Mimi will be with us for a while.”

Arthur “Oh, did you hold an exhibition for paintings of the artists that Theo take care of?”

Theo “Yeah, Nii-san’s paintings are included too, of course.”

MC “I’m going to help out for a few days before the exhibition opens.”

(...I’m a little lonely that I can’t go to see Vlad, but.)

(I want to do my best to help those two who always help me.)

Vincent “Thank you for your help, Mimi. It would be a little busy, but please take care of us.”

MC “Thank you for letting me help, Vincent, Theo.”

From that day, preparations for the exhibition began immediately...

Theo “Mimi, I told you to display the painting there at the top of the stairs, didn't I?”

MC “Sorry! I’ll fix it right away!”

Theo “Mimi, the artist Francis will bring his painting any time now. Please get it.”

MC “Okay...!”

As I move around in commotion, the outside dyed with night just like that.

(...Wow, I’m so unsteady. I already thought this would be difficult, but it easily surpasses my imagination.)

(But, Theo worked many times than this. This is not the time for complaints, I need to work harder.)

As I walk with enthusiasm,

I find Theo looks over the painting at the wall in the art gallery, where everyone heads for home while being all listless.

Theo “...”

(His eyes seems like looking at treasures...)

As he shoots through it with pure and beautiful look, like a young boy aware of his first love, Theo’s gaze turns towards me.

Theo “Ah, thanks for your hard work. Did Nii-san go back already...?”

MC “Yeah, he said he would like to help and didn’t give it up, but he went back to mansion to continue with his paintings.”

Theo “Is that so?”

MC “Whose painting you were looking at...?”

Theo “New painting drawn by Nii-san.”

When I line up next to Theo and turns my sight towards the painting he looks at...

(Wow...!)

The scenery of rye field, where its golden heads shine in the sunlight, fills my field of vision.

At a distance, people doing farm work are vividly drawn,

There’s also a downpour of dazzling light on it.

Just looking at the painting makes me feel calm and full of hopes, as if I’m amidst an early afternoon.

MC “...It’s a wonderful painting that it such a *waste to put it into words.”

(*もったいない - too good, more than one deserves, unworthy of

MC “It looks like a sort of painting that makes you stronger and kinder just by looking at it.”

Theo “...Yeah, I think so too.”

Theo “Nii-san used to draw a rye field, but this time it's a little different.”

Theo “Since he put special feeling into it.”

Theo “Nii-san told me, he drew this painting in the hope it could help and become a salvation for the people who live in this brutal era.”

(People’s salvation...)

(Really, that’s why it’s shaking my heart so strongly and intense...)

Theo “But the world will say this, you know? Paintings do not save people, since they does not satisfy necessities of life.”

Theo “When the world falls into turmoil, arts are discarded as unnecessary before anything else.”

Theo “But that’s...I don’t think it that way.”

When I ask him with just my gaze, Theo’s sea-colored eyes harbor a powerful heat as if wishing for a bright tomorrow.

Theo “This painting, Mozart’s music, and novel written by Arthur and Dazai...”

Theo “Arts sometimes save people’s heart with its absurd strength from unthinkable angles. ...Just like a miracle.”

MC “...”

Theo “Because I’m in such an era, those who want to give hope to people, the talents of those guys in the mansion —“

Theo “I want to cherish it...”

In a dark and hopeless world, people's hearts are easily worn away.

And with worn down hearts, people wounds many things.

At times they hurt the person closest to them, and they even hurt themselves. However —

Vlad “Go before the flowers wither. In flower language, gerbera means hope and progress.” Vlad “May you move forward with hope.”

I think people are also the ones who heal and protect.

(People hurt others, but they also save other people. If so, then I...)

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevam #ikemen vlad #vlad

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maxmagi · 3 years

Text

A List of My OTPs

because it's 11 and I can't sleep.

Enjolras x Grantaire a.k.a. Enjoltaire a.k.a. ExR- Les Mis

How I fell into this I don't remember now. I vaguely remember reading a crackfic of this and then everything just went sideways.

This was also the fandom that helped me realize that I wasn't exactly straight and that it's okay to not be loud about my sexuality, that I can just be.

I think that explains my attachment to this ship, not to mention just the movie's Grantaire (played by George Blagden) also shipped the characters and played his character like how he thought it should be, Grantaire loving and pining after Enjolras without the revolutionary knowing it.

Except in the fan fics, Enjolras returns his feelings and they work it out, even though it's not easy because they're both stubborn as mules. Ah, ultimate fantasy I guess. And the number of great fics here, *whistle*

Also, the Les Amis? Is amazing? Especially in the modern AUs? Like they're great friends? I love this fandom so much! Permets-tu!

Shen Wei x Zhao Yunlan - Guardian / Zhen Hun

C'mon, Zhu Yilong & Bai Yu's performance and emotions? Plus just the fact the fanfic writers of this ship are absolutely amazing? Please, escape from this pairing is impossible!

Best opposites attract trope for me. An academic by day, superhero by night in love with a roguish police chief who has no powers but whose charisma, wit, and heart can get him to toe to toe with the legends.

Also, Professor Shen Wei constantly acting like an innocent civilian and lying badly? Gold!

Loki x Tony Stark a.k.a. FrostIron - Avengers

How did I honestly get to this ship? I really can't remember what started it all. I think it must have been a Loki redemption fic where Tony Stark and Pepper broke up and something something happened. Let me tell you, the writers of this ship have written sagas and ballads of epic and sometimes confusing proportions, and that is why I fell deeper into the pit. I mean, they gotta give justice to two brilliant but chaotic characters, right? Angst. This ship has sooooooooo much angst.

Eiji x Ash - Banana Fish

My god, if you want to keep your heart intact and not be reminded of all that's ugly in the world, DON'T WATCH OR READ BANANA FISH. YOUR HEART WILL NEVER HEAL!

If you're gonna watch/read it anyway, make sure to watch something fluffy and sweet after. There's a reason that people from this fandom go, "If you've seen Banana Fish's ending, then you can handle whatever angsty show you're watching now." ~ or something to that effect. Another thing we like to say in this fandom is, "Other fandoms: Let's write a Mafia AU! Banana Fish fandom: We are the Mafia AU." Yes, all of us in this fandom is dramatic af.

Yuuri x Viktor - Yuuri!!! on Ice

Uh, does this really need an explanation? Aside from the fact that you will surprisingly find a lot of Mafia AUs here because we all know that hiding behind that beautiful face of Viktor Nikiforov is a devil capable of... tearing down your self-confidence, like WTF Viktor, don't make Yuuri cry! Also, their dance together at the end, such beautiful love.

Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood aka Malec - Shadowhunters

I never read the books and have no plans to in the near future. I just saw a video on Youtube about why Malec is life and now here I am, still reading some Malec fics from time to time.

Some stuff on the show were WTF but overall they were a really good couple who supported each other. Plus, they're a Power Couple.

Erwin x Levi aka Eruri - Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin

Not to be confused with Ereri, which is Eren x Levi, which I don't generally ship except for that one time when a writer wrote an epic fanfic series with Eren in his mid 20s and Levi in his late 20s/early 30s, reincarnation AU. Boy was that one a surprise. I did not expect that.

Anyway, I'm an Eruri fan through and through. Especially with that promise that Levi made to Erwin. And the reason he gave the serum to Armin. HE DIDN'T DO IT FOR THE KIDS YKNOW. HE DID IT FOR ERWIN. Plus, Levi, Erwin, and Hange are my special trio. Erwin's batch was really amazing.

Also, I really like the fact that the shorter and slighter person is the more badass fighter while the taller, bigger one is the more calculating and strategic one. Rocks the boat of stereotypes and all that. Bonus: how these two met. My god, what a meet-cute! 😂

Dani x Jamie aka The Au Pair and the Gardener - The Haunting of Bly Manor

It really is more of a love story than a ghost story. I dunno how to feel about this. I loved these two characters so much and I wished they had a better ending but I wasn't SO surprised because it was a horror series (Like, I was still hoping at the end that they'd be together forever but yknow...). In any case, Jamie was just awesome. And her nickname for Dani? Poppins?! God, what a lover and fighter. She was not afraid to cock a gun in a ghost's face.

... and now for my flexible BROTPs

Merlin x Arthur aka Merthur - BBC Merlin

Yeah, my brain is so chaotic multiple OTPs and BROTPs of the same pairing exist at the same time without clashing with one another or having major identity crises.

I actually really like BROTP Merlin and Arthur and also like reading OTP Merthur.

And when Merlin is paired with Morgana or Freya or sometimes even Gwaine, that's fine with me too. As long as his bromance with Arthur stays intact, because that's what drew me to the show in the first place. Personal preference. I see them as platonic soulmates.

*Shout-out to the Merthur writers though, you kept me sane during my "Post-Merlin Depression," which is actually a term thrown around in the fandom because of that horrid final season (not saying it's a good term but it's what it was called). A lot of amazing fics here, too, both Magic Reveal and Modern AU ones. Full of action and adventure too! I mean, there are boy-band-looking Knights and magic-wielding badasses!

Tim Drake x Conner Kent/Kon-El aka Red Robin x Super Boy - DC Comics

More like flexible otp. I dig Stephanie Brown and Tim Drake BUT I really really also dig Tim Drake and Conner Kent. When they're TimKon, it's like an entirely different entity from TimSteph. Ugh, hard to explain.

I mean, Kon telling Tim, "You'll always be my Robin" and Tim telling Kon, "And you'll always be my clone boy" is the shit. Also when Kon could pick out/recognize Tim's heartbeat. And when Tim nearly went mad scientist trying to bring his bestie back. Like, dudes, wtf. And at the same time, hell yeah.

Liu Kang x Kung Lao aka LiuLao - Mortal Kombat

- I see these two as more like ride or die best friends connected by fate/platonic soulmates. But also like their dynamic is so awesome, cute, sweet, badass, can't-live-without-you vibes.

Basically the same way I feel about Merthur. I like reading both romantic and platonic relationships between these two characters. Like, the LiuLao fan creators peeling off the layers of this relationship and exposing every raw nerve is beautiful.

They love diving into the characters' psyche, emotions, motivations, fears, and doubts and you get really amazed because... Aren't they just characters from a video game, you ask? Well yeah, but MK video game has several interesting storylines and the Mortal Kombat 2021 movie was just the perfect jumpstarter to this beautiful blaze.

I mean, "We swore that if we were to die, it would be together"? Hell no, you're not dropping that on us and not expecting us to create our very own spin-offs and 12-page essays on that shit. That's what we fans do, baby. And also, really, we need a shaolin monks/white lotus spin-off/prequel. We're starving here.

As this ship is the newest one on my list, it's the one I'm looking forward to the most. Not enough fan content, I tell you. Not enough. One of these days, I just might add my own.

But right now, it's past 1 and so I shall attempt to sleep.

***No images for TimKon and LiuLao coz apparently I've gone past my 10-images allowance 😤

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saranghanuuu · 3 years

Text

PERKS OF DATING A YOUNGER GUY I LEARNED AFTER WATCHING CHINESE DRAMA FIND YOURSELF + REVIEW!

1. He has less baggage

This means that he has more time to attend to your needs and wants unlike an older guy with a demanding schedule and lots of responsibilities at hand.

2. He's more open-minded and adventurous

They are open to having new experiences and won't judge you for veering off the path you should stay on.

3. He's infectiously energetic *ehem*

Need I say more? A younger guy's youthful sense will surely find unimaginable ways to impress you!

4. He puts you on a pedestal

A younger man will appreciate your maturity and experiences and will admire you for it. They're also most likely take advice from you without letting it bruise their ego.

5. He'll make you feel young

Be prepared to relive the fun parts of your younger years with him.

It's not so wrong to say that the May-December relationship is taboo, especially among Asians. Most people I know had this inkling that when a younger guy hooks up with a woman way older than him, it could prolly mean one of two things — the guy's a paramour or she's a sugar momma. I'm honestly not a fan of it either on the premise that women mature faster than men. Let's be real, an immature relationship is a disaster. But now that I'm in my late 20s, and a hopeless romantic single at that, I kinda pondered over this. It suddenly occurred to me, what if one day I’m caught up in the position of being pursued by a younger man? Will I let the stigma affect me emotionally? Or will I take the risk ‘coz all is fair in love? I still don’t have a definite answer to this question. However, watching Find Yourself served as an eye-opener for me to look at things from a different perspective.

Find Yourself is a 2020 Chinese drama starring Song Wei Long and Victoria Song. It tells the story of a 32-year old Executive Director who never *even once* experienced dating. Given her age and career stability, she receives constant pressure from the people around her to find someone to marry and has since frequented blind dates arranged by her family, friends, or colleagues. But this girl is just someone who swears by the "spark" - no spark, then no point to the relationship. She may be old for fantasizing over first love and such, but she still yearns that it'll naturally come to find her someday. Until her thirst for real romance is quenched by a 22-year-old guy who started working as an intern in her company at his brother’s request.

Although hesitant at first due to their huge age difference and the societal views, she went out with him on the condition that they'll keep it a secret for the first 3 months. If everything went well, she agrees to publicize her relationship with him.

Let’s start off with the good things...

I just can't with this drama...! This so beautiful, cute, relatable - especially for a woman in late 20s like me.

Plot-wise, it was well-imparted and makes perfect sense, touching a looooooot of relationship aspects in 41 episodes. Not only did I enjoy the happenings between our main couple, but our side couples' stories are very interesting too.

This drama pretty much straightened out my prejudice about age-gap relationships.

Light-hearted, just the way I like it! Every episode will make you smile and/or laugh hard.

Sexual tensions overload and superb kissing scenes! Let those hormones rush in. Not awkward to watch 'coz They. Did. Not. Hold. Back. Ack! If you're single, be prepared to feel MORE SINGLE watching this drama.

Well-written lines that will make you feel real emotions. The words will shoot you straight to the heart.

Acting-wise, the casts, from the mains down to the sides, did a super fine job in conveying the sentiments of their characters. My highest admiration goes to male lead Yuan Song, not (only) because he’s young, hot, and handsome, but because his youthful vibe made me reminisce the paradox of my early 20s awww. Anyways, in the beginning, I am sort of confused why (of all girls) he fell head over heels with our female lead He Fanxing who's obviously out of his league. I even suspected him of taking advantage of her naivety in matters of the heart. But as the drama went along, our dude proved himself genuine... That he's sincerely just a guy who's deeply in love with a woman... That indeed, true love can exist in this kind of relationship. Both Yuan Song and Fanxing emotionally benefited from each other and it's so lovely seeing that.

⚠️ AND SORRY BUT THIS IS A SPOILER ALERT⚠️

Halfway through the drama, our main couple called it quits. I'm somewhat grateful that it happened. Their break-up scene is just so powerful I had to rewind it many times. Not because I liked seeing them suffer from the consequences of their incompatibility. Rather, I loved it 'coz it became the turning point of their relationship.

Their love is premature, to begin with — trust isn't mutual, commitment is one-way, only showing each other's good sides in fear of the relationship turning sour, one is willing to compromise while the other wants to avoid responsibility, filled with doubts and insecurities. During this break-up phase, we were shown the difference between how kids and adults behave and decide in a dilemma. I suddenly remembered this one line delivered in the drama which I agree with — "Only kids would choose one or the other. Adults find solutions". The break-up also served as our main couple's period of contemplation about who and what they want in life. It taught them how to fully embrace their offbeat romance against the norms. Fortunately, things wrapped up into a sweet end.

And of course the bad...

Hmmm... Maybe I'm just not used to it but am I the only one who thinks that this drama is quite lengthy? Yes, I enjoyed it but it's not a good one to binge-watch. It took me almost a month to finish this I nearly drowned haha. Honestly, there were parts they could've just compressed instead of dragging it for too long. One example is Ye Luming and He Fanxing's relationship trial. Ooohhh I hate this part it brought shivers down my spine ugh. Well truth be told, Luming and Fanxing are compatible and better off as friends. They jive so well, and I give it to them that they're both adults who can only understand adult things.

But when Luming all of a sudden became a sneaky character to an intolerable point... Ah, I don't know anymore! Seeing how compelled Fanxing is to being Luming's girlfriend got under my skin. Although these ugly parts eventually became a good contributory factor to Fanxing's realization of her true feelings towards Yuan Song, but still...! I also hated Fanxing at one point for being so gullible in love. But yeah, I had to swallow it because that's her character setup in the first place. It should be expected of her to be hasty and dubious about it.

On the other hand, I wished they've been generous in showing us more about how Yuan Song and Fanxing's relationship is going after the public reveal. I've been waiting for this the entire time (they could've done so much more in 41 episodes' length!) so I'm quite disappointed.

After watching the second season of Well-Intended Love, I admit I lost interest in Chinese dramas. So watching this restored my faith in them. I even have a list of C-dramas lined up now! But I have to move on from this one first before I start another. It's not as easy as I thought ㅠㅠ

What do you think about this drama? Are we on the same frequency? ❤️

If you haven't watched this yet, watch it now. As in 지금부터 RIGHT NOW. Highly-recommended!

#find yourself #下一站是幸福 #song weilong #victoria song #chinese drama #romance #comedy #drama reviews #yuan song #he fanxing #chinese #romcom #cdrama #may-december relationship

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massivelycreepypineapple · 4 years

Text

Awkward Wounds

Request: Hey! Love your work!😍 I was wondering if you could write some angsty and fluffy dean story? Like reader gets injured on hunt in a private place but doesn't show (coz it's embarassing). She likes dean tho. Sam knows this. While celebrating in a bar, dean goes with some other chick and Sam notices reader's hurt expressions. So they go to motel and Sam helps reader stitch up and check the body parts. Next day at the bunker dean gets surprised why Sam is picking her up everytime she wants to the bathroom or go anywhere. Dean learns the truth and gets jealous and angry on both of them. Super angsty here and then dean picks her up to take her to his room and checks the reader again. Reader is embarassed since it's a private part of her body even though she likes him. Dean convinces her and checks her. He is still angry but after like 10 mins, he says sorry and admits his crush. All the fluff here pleas🥺 I am sorry if this is all confusing, English is not my first language 😅

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader, Sam Winchester x Fem!Reader (platonic).

A/N: I’m sorry it took so long to get this out. I hope you like it.

Word Count: 3018

❅ ❅ ❅

It would’ve been funny had it not been for the overwhelming pain Y/N was feeling. She should’ve known nothing ever goes smoothly when a vampire was involved, let alone an entire nest.

Unfortunately for her, she let her guard down and just as she took a step back to steady herself after the final kill, she tripped, performing a perfect split, landing on something sharp. But fortunately for her, the sharp bastard she landed on, missed where the sun don’t shine by a few inches and got her inner thigh instead. She had had cuts before, but none in such an intimate and sensitive place that it hurt like a bitch.

Y/N was even more lucky that the brothers weren’t around to witness her performance. They were busy making sure the bodies were burned, and no trace of the hunt existed. She limped her way back to the impala after ripping off a piece of her flannel and tying it around the wound, inside her pants, to prevent herself from bleeding out. Her jeans managed to cover it up pretty well.

The boys soon got in after taking care of the bodies, excited that things went smoothly for them.

“Oh man! That was a good one!” Exclaimed Dean getting behind the wheel. “This calls for a drink! What do you say? Hit the bar and celebrate?”

“Hell yeah!” Said Sam grinning. It wasn’t often that he agreed to go to a dingy bar. But he had to admit that this hunt went really well. “You okay with that, Y/N?”

Y/N smiled softly at him and nodded. “Yeah, I’m in.”

Dean looked at her through the rear view mirror, frowning slightly, “All okay there, sweetheart?”

Y/N’s breath hitched when she made contact with his green eyes. “Y-yeah, I’m good. Just a little sore.”

“Well, maybe a little whiskey will do you good.” He said winking at her.

God he was going to be the death of her heart. Y/N had been in love with Dean almost since the beginning. He really was a gem of a man and everything she wanted in her life. And the only one who even knew about it was Sam. Who was currently looking worriedly at her.

She smiled at him reassuringly, conveying quietly that she was fine and there was nothing to worry about. He seemed to buy it when he turned back around, listening to Dean animatedly talk about something.

Y/N was glad her boys were getting a small bit of happiness in their messed up lives. So she lied about being okay. Not to mention she’d have to explain how she hurt herself there and they’d never let her live this down. She decided sucking it up till she got back to the bunker tomorrow was the best course of action.

With the way Dean drove, they reached a bar in less than 30 mins. Dean was the first one out, saying he’d meet them inside since he needed to use the bathroom. Sam got out and waited for Y/N to join him. She got out slowly wincing quietly to not raise suspicion. but that was short lived when sam noticed her limping slightly.

“What’s wrong? Where are you hurt?” He asked rushing to her.

“I’m fine sam. My legs are sore is all. let’s just go have some fun, please?” She insisted. He reluctantly let it go and resorted to watching her like a hawk. Sam was like a brother to Y/N. The boys were her only best friends and she was so grateful for their existence. But days like today when all she wanted was to get the day over with, Sam could come off as overbearing.

They made their way into the bar and found a table at the back. Y/N realised with mild dread that the seats are going to be much harder to sit on than the impala.

Sam noticed her just standing by the table, “Y/N, aren’t you going to sit?”

“hmm?” she said snapping out of her thoughts. “Oh yeah, sorry.” she sat down ever so slowly. Trying not to show just how much her thigh hurt.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She grinned at him.

Right then to her relief Dean came back with two bottles of beer and a glass of whiskey, just the way she liked it.

“Here ya go, sweetheart. Drink up. You’ll feel so much better” He grinned at her placing the drinks on the table.

Y/N grabbed her glass and chugged the whole thing down in one go surprising both the boys. “What?” She questioned quirking an eyebrow.

“N-Nothing” Dean said. “That was fast.”

“Well, I need another.” she replied flagging down a waiter for more. The drink was really helping her with the pain and damn them if they found it weird.

Three drinks in Y/N was feeling that wonderful buzz that made her pain bearable. She and Sam were engaged in light conversation while Dean was off somewhere. Everything was pleasant until her eyes landed on Dean making out with a girl.

Y/N’s face fell at that sight and she started tearing up. She had never before reacted so strongly to Dean hooking up with someone. But today, with the drinks coupled with the pain from her wound, she was overwhelmed.

Sam noticed the sudden change in demeanour and turned around to see what she was looking at and realisation hit him like a truck. He turned his puppy dog eyes on her and was just about to say something encouraging when -

“Don’t, Sam. We both knew this would happen. I’ve had three glasses and I’m tired. I’m fine.” She said and got out of the chair, forgetting about her pain. But it hit her all at once and her knees buckled and her palms hit the table hard, in an attempt to catch herself.

Sam was quick on his feet, and caught her before she fell onto the floor. “Okay, that’s it Y/N! Where are you hurt? How bad is it?” He was mad at her now.

“It’s-“

“Don’t you dare say it’s nothing!” He whispered harshly trying to lead her to the door before people started noticing them. Luckily Dean had given Sam the keys to the Impala before ditching them.

“It’s embarrassing okay!” She replied, trying not to yell out in pain. Sam didn’t reply to that, still annoyed with her for not telling them. He got her into the car and drove to the motel they were staying at in tensed silence.

He brought her inside and sat her down on the bed, the movement making her wince. In the light of the motel, he finally noticed blood on her jeans near her right thigh. He sighed, closing his eyes before asking her to take them off.

“Sam…I can take care of it.” She said softly, embarrassed and reluctant to let him see her like that.

“Y/N, it’s just me, okay? You’re bleeding and I need to see how bad it is. So please just take your pants off.”

She was too much in pain physically and emotionally to argue anymore so she complied and took her pants off. Sam sucked in a breath when he noticed the position of the wound and how deep it was. He quietly cleaned and stitched it up, making sure to not cause more pain.

Once she was cleaned up, he helped her move under the blankets so she could get some much needed sleep.

“Please don’t tell Dean” She whispered.

“Okay. I won’t.” He replied, wishing the two of them would just talk. “But how did this happen, Y/N?”

“I tripped, did a fantastic split and landed on something sharp, okay?!” She glared at him, daring him to say something.

Sam raised his hands in defence, trying not to show how amused he was, “You’re lucky it wasn't a few inches to the right.”

“Goodnight, Sam” She said curtly and went to sleep.

Nothing more was said between them.

______________

The next day the trio drove back to the bunker and Y/N made her way to the bathroom to take a shower. She wanted to wash away the previous day and lock herself in her room to try and get over Dean. It was working quite well until she got hungry and tried to make her way to the kitchen. But the painkillers weren’t really helping with movement. She managed to get out of bed, but was stuck standing leaning against the wall. Luck was with her, however, as a knock landed on her door.

“Yeah?” She asked.

The door opened with Sam coming in, “Hey, I just wanted to check on you. And ask if you wanted lunch.”

“I’m umm... I can’t walk” Y/N whispered without making eye contact. Sam smiled softly walking towards her. He picked her up bridal style making her wince slightly before settling down. It was much more bearable than walking for sure.

He brought her into the kitchen and seated her on the chair at the dining table and placed a plate of food in front of her, grabbing one for himself.

“Where’s Dean?” She asked.

“He ate early. He’s in his room, relaxing I guess.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Y/N…You have to tell him. I hate seeing you like this.”

“You know I can’t, Sam. He doesn’t feel that way about me.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“I really won’t” She chuckled.

Sam sighed at that. He was stuck between two stubborn knuckleheads who just couldn’t see what was right under their nose. It was more exhausting than any hunt he’d been on.

After Y/N finished her food, she attempted to get up only to be stopped by Sam. He made his way to her side and went to pick her up.

“Sam, wait.” She said quickly.

“What? What’s wrong?” He was worried.

“I should go by myself.”

“Y/N, you can barely stand, let alone walk!”

“I need to pee.” She mumbled blushing.

“Oh..” He said wide eyed. “It’s okay, I don’t mind helping.”

“But-”

He didn’t let her finish, he simply picked her up and took her to the bathroom. He waited outside with the door slightly open incase she needed him. Y/N should find this weird. Sam was her best friend helping her take a wee. It should have been awkward. But instead she was glad he had her to help. Even though she wished it was Dean helping her out, and caring for her, she was so grateful to Sam. When she was done, Sam picked her up again bringing her outside. Just as they walked out, they bumped right into Dean.

Dean looked at the scene in front of him wide eyed, unsure of how to react. He then settled at glaring fiercely at them. Y/N paled when she met his eyes. Of all the things to happen, this was not on her list at all. She didn’t want him getting the wrong idea, but clearly it was too late.

“Dean, It’s not what it looks like!” Said Sam desperately trying to defuse the situation. Dean didn’t reply to that. He was radiating anger and his jaw was visibly clenching. He turned around and began walking away. “I was just helping her pee!” Sam added, then flinched at how wrong that sounded.

Dean abruptly stopped and turned around, “Oh! Caz that’s not weird at all! What? Is this some kinky shit you guys came up with? Watch each other pee?” He snapped. “You know what Sam, after everything this is what I get huh? Real nice, man.” He turned around and started to walk away again. Y/N didn’t understand what that meant. All she wanted was for this nightmare to end. She wished she had handled the hunt better. She wished she had the guts to just tell that beautiful moron how she felt.

Sam slowly put Y/N down and after making sure she could balance herself, went after Dean. “Would you just Listen to-” He was interrupted as Dean in a fit of rage slammed Sam against the wall.

“NO! There is nothing left to be said. I get it Sam!. I’m just the fucking third wheel here! Always have been! Just took me a while to notice!”

“Dean!” Y/N called out. He turned his glare at her sharply. Her heart clenched at that. All she wanted was to love him and be loved by him. Not drive him away any further.

Dean let go of Sam and turned to her, “I’m not going to hurt your boyfriend, Y/N” He snarled at her. “It was always him wasn’t it? Your best friend. I knew you guys were close. You always did choose him over me. I can see now why. Just leave me alone for a while.”

If Y/N’s heart was broken before, this nearly destroyed it. She never realised that she pushed Dean away in fear of loving him. She unconsciously hung out more with Sam because it was easy. She didn’t have to hide. But standing there, hearing those words come out of his mouth damn near killed her.

“Dean, we’re not dating, I swear!” Y/N managed to get out before she gasped out in pain as she took a step forward to reach out to him. Right before she collapsed, Dean was by her side in an instant, shocked at her reaction. He looked down and noticed blood seeping into her sweats. Sam rushed forward to help, but Dean snapped at him, “I got her, Sammy!”

______________

He picked her up and carried her into his room. Y/N was struggling not to cry out in pain. He gently placed her on his mattress and reached out to pull her pants down only to be stopped by her hands.

“I need to see, Y/N” He said, anger still evident despite the worry in his eyes.

“Dean, it’s embarrassing okay? It’s too close to my… you know.” She said, turning slightly red. God, the first time he saw her intimately, it had to be like this. Why couldn’t things just work out for once?

“Yeah, maybe this was a bad idea. It should be Sammy here. I wasn’t thinking-” He said visibly upset.

“No! Dean, there is nothing going on between me and Sam.” Said Y/N desperately.

He glared at her, “Yeah you mentioned, and yet you’ll let him help you but not me! Am I really that horrible of a friend to you? I know I’m not a fucking saint like my brother, but I care about you so much, it-” He stopped himself before he could say something he’d regret.

Y/N had tears coming down her cheeks in a mixture of pain and hurt. If she told him just why she has been distant with him, she'd lose him forever. But she hated seeing him like this. She let go of his hands, signalling him that he could take a look. He pulled her sweats down and pushed her injured leg up, spreading her thighs apart. He took in the injury and didn’t say anything as he grabbed supplies from his bathroom.

She could see Dean’s jaw clenching as he worked on her stitches. Nothing was said between them and she didn’t know what to expect. She was embarrassed but a part of her felt all warm and fuzzy that Dean was taking care of her. Once everything was cleaned up, he looked at her. Suddenly all traces of anger were gone.

“Did you get hurt anywhere else?” He asked softly.

Y/N shook her head at him, confused by his change in behaviour. He helped her pull her pants up, giving her that small bit of relief. He helped her sit up against the headboard and sat down beside her.

“How did you get hurt, sweetheart?” He asked.

Y/N hesitantly told him what went down after killing the vamp, making him crack a small smile. Y/N didn’t mind this time, if anything it broke the tension between them. Making them chuckle at how ridiculous her injury was. Then Dean got quiet for a bit before talking.

“I’m sorry for the way I behaved. It was uncalled for.” He whispered looking away.

“I’m sorry too, Dean.” Y/N replied. “I didn’t mean to push you away.”

“Why did you?”

“Because loving you was getting to be too much for me. Watching you screw perfect skinny girls one after the other was killing me on the inside.” she said bluntly. She figured it was now or never and whatever happened, happened.

Dean’s head snapped up in shock. He looked at her trying to figure out if this was some cruel joke. When he saw it wasn’t he grabbed her face and kissed her deeply. When they pulled away it was Y/N’s turn to look stunned.

“Those girls don’t hold a candle to you, honey.” he said softly with a small smile forming on his perfect lips. His thumb brushed her lips, “I love you so much. Always have. I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me. So I looked for a distraction.” He chuckled humourlessly.

“I’m sorry Dean.”

“I’m sorry too.” He smiled at her. he then groaned.

“What?” Y/N asked.

“Sammy was right! Now I owe him!” Dean said, making Y/N giggle.

“Yeah, he said I’d be surprised if I told you how I feel.”

“You do realise how unbearable he’s going to be right?”

“Well, as long as I got you, we can handle it” Y/N said leaning in to kiss him once more.

“Never letting you go.” Said Dean wrapping her up in his arms, letting her rest her head against his chest. He pressed a kiss to her head. “Rest sweetheart. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

“Okay” Y/N mumbled before falling asleep. She was happy for the first time in a long time.

❅ ❅ ❅

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@hobby27 @akshi8278

#supernatural fic #dean winchester #sam winchester #dean winchester x reader #sam winchester x reader #spn x reader #supernatural x reader #spn fic #y/n #dean x reader #reader insert #female reader #fluff #angst

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jessepinwheel · 3 years

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Yeshhh i just finished reading AC and the prompt-fills for the fifth time and i found u updated too when i reached the end. Lucky me! I love that u don't give allowances to Anakin coz i never understood fandom's propensity to forgive all the evil he did. Like consequences are good for u, people. Anyway, nvm that. I just wanna know what dooku would do after palps is gone. Like in canon obi's his fave so wouldn't he like try to filch this obi who actually bested palps by power of his sexy mind??

it’s worth remembering that dooku didn’t even remember obi-wan existed until obi-wan called him up and said he was a bitch to his face

“Count. I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you in the flesh, but it really isn’t.”

Count Dooku looks up to the guest in his doorway. “Kenobi. I was told you would not come.”

“I wasn’t going to, but I heard you specifically requested my presence. It makes a man curious,” Kenobi says, clasping his hands behind his back. He’s dressed in civilian spacer clothes, quite similar to what he’d worn in their last correspondence--a synthleather jacket, dark turtleneck sweater, canvas trousers, and soft brown gloves. His hair has been pulled back and clipped up in a fashion that might, by some descriptions, be considered ‘roguish’. There’s dark circles under his eyes and a pinched look in his cheeks, like he’s suffering from some kind of illness. It’s hard to imagine this man ever being a Jedi. “I was really hoping to be asleep right now, so I hope whatever you need, it’s actually important enough to warrant an in-person meeting and not you stroking your own ego.”

“Your insubordination is fascinating,” Dooku drawls. “Do you often insult people who have the ability to end your life?”

“You must think highly of yourself,” Kenobi replies, unruffled. He gestures around the infirmary room they are sequestered in. “Do you really think that you could kill me even with your injuries, Force-suppression cuffs, and three Jedi Knights watching? From what I heard, you’re lucky to be alive at all.”

Dooku scowls. Sidious had, in his desperate ingenuity, managed to escape his cell and briefly access the Force. Obviously, it had not enough to save the wretched man from being killed in his escape attempt, but he had spitefully used his last moments to smite Dooku’s spirit through the tenuous connection between them. Had it not been for the Jedi Temple’s swift action, Dooku would have died from it. He still might--even after death, Sidious’s power of the Dark Side is vast, and Dooku can feel it clinging to him like a horrible phage, trying to eat away at his psyche and sanity. He can’t even use the Force for fear of it turning on him--the Force suppression is just as much for his safety as everyone else’s. As it is, the Light of the Jedi Temple and the work of the Jedi Soul Healers is enough to hold it off, but it the Dark Side is growing, and these efforts will likely not last much longer.

“You do not look so well yourself, Kenobi,” Dooku says.

“As it turns out, I don’t feel well. I haven’t slept in over twenty-five hours, you see. Hyperspace and I don’t get along, and I’ve been busy since I landed in the Jedi hangar two hours ago,” Kenobi says. “You’ll have to forgive me if I’m a little short on patience and health at present. What did you want, Count?”

“I wanted to see the face of the man who took down a Sith Master,” Dooku says. “Looking at you, I never would have thought of it. Sithkiller Kenobi has a ring to it, I must admit.”

Kenobi sighs deeply. “Fantastic. I’m glad this couldn’t wait another ten hours. If you just wanted to gawk at me, then I’m leaving.”

“Wait,” Dooku says before Kenobi actually gets out the door. “I had a proposal.”

“Oh, this will be good,” Kenobi says under his breath. “What would you request of me, O Gracious Count Dooku?”

Dooku sighs. As refreshing as this boldness is, it really is annoying sometimes. “I would appreciate some respect, Kenobi.”

“Well, I would appreciate being unconscious right now, but we can’t all have what we want. Spit it out, Count.”

Dooku pinches the bridge of his nose. “I was impressed by your talents in taking down Sidious. Obviously, you managed to accomplish something that no one else could. Your skills are wasted here in Coruscant. I wished to offer you employment.”

Kenobi levels a flat look at him. “Employment,” he says slowly. “Just so we’re on the same page, what exactly do you think my job is?”

“A bounty hunter, according to my sources. You were well acquainted with Jango Fett, were you not?” Dooku says. “Not that he bothered to tell me so when I hired him, but I suppose it is unreasonable that he would know of your relation to me, or that he would want to disclose that he was...intimate with what was effectively my grandson.”

Which was really for the best--Dooku has less than no interest in thinking about what Kenobi did or did not do with Fett.

“You’re not my family,” Kenobi sneers. “If you wanted a doting lineage, you should have thought about that before you murdered two hundred of your own people. Even if I were a bounty hunter, why would you think I’d want to work for you?”

“I pay extremely well, and I can certainly offer you much more than you currently have,” Dooku says. “What do you mean, ‘if’?”

“Your information’s a decade out of date, Count. I stopped doing bounties a long time ago because I have a moral objection to murder for profit. An unfamiliar concept to you, I’m sure. I’ve been known to befriend murderers, but I’ve got no inclination to want to know you, much less to work for you.”

“I can make it worth your while. Serenno is a prosperous planet and much more palatable than Coruscant,” Dooku says. “Besides, I have not yet had the opportunity to establish peace treaties with the Republic. Your employment would go a long way to accelerating proceedings on my end.”

Kenobi levels a long, tired stare at him. “Really? You’re going to try and extort me over this? I thought you had more dignity than that.”

Dooku’s brows go up. “You would expect honor from a Sith?”

“I don’t know. Maul was pretty honorable, when it came down to it. I guess he was the exception and not the rule. We didn’t really have a chance to discuss Sith philosophy in depth before I killed him.” Kenobi sighs. “Look. I was serious when I said I needed to sleep, so I’ll just cut to the chase here. I helped you remove Palpatine from power, so your side of the deal is to stop all this nonsense war. It’s expensive and it’s killing innocent people that do not deserve to get pulled into your power struggle kark. Maybe you got into all of this with the best of intentions, but all I see right now is a bastard and just a generally unpleasant and selfish person. You don’t want to do peace treaties unless there’s something more in for you. Fine. I’ll give you something.”

“Oh? You have an offer?”

“I talked to Master Che about what happened to you. She didn’t say anything about your specific medical condition because of Healer confidentiality, but Palpatine hit you with the Dark Side pretty bad, from what I heard. I’m not really an expert in spiritual health, but it sounds like you might die if you leave the Temple grounds, which is why you haven’t gone back home yet, even after a full month,” Kenobi says. “The Soul Healers told me they’ve been channeling the Temple’s Force to try and purge the effects of Palpatine’s attacks, but it’s only a stopgap measure. They’re not going to be able to keep it up indefinitely--they need to stamp that stuff out soon or it’ll be too late for you.”

Dooku does not want to sit here and listen to speculations on his mortality. “Get on with it, Kenobi.”

Kenobi huffs and shoves his hands in his jacket pockets. “Well, I can’t use the Force like the Jedi do anymore, but I can channel a lot more of the Temple’s Force than anyone here. I can fill my whole soul with it, if I want to, and if you open up a path to me, it’ll flow down to you. That’s the theory, anyways.”

Dooku narrows his eyes. “You are offering to...heal me?”

“Cleanse, more like. And not a peaceful cleansing--a violent one, like with a pressure washer,” Kenobi says. “There’s records of this kind of stuff, back at the Temple of Kyber. Someone who’d been ‘cursed’ with malicious energy would purify their spirits by exposing themselves to the full force of the Whills, which I can tell you from experience is an extremely unpleasant process. Now, obviously I’m not the Whills, but the Force here in the Temple is comparably strong and I’m able to channel it directly--using me as a conduit is as close as you’re going to get.”

Dooku looks at Kenobi, reaching out to him as much as he’s able to with the light Force suppression around his wrists. Kenobi’s presence is detectable, only barely, and what little Dooku can sense is...empty. It’s like there’s an endless void within Kenobi, where any Jedi--any person--would be filled with light and life. It’s unsettling, even by Sith standards.

“You think you can cleanse the Dark Side as powerful as this?” Dooku asks.

“I’m not the one doing the cleansing, Count. All I’m doing is giving the Force a path to touch you directly--what it does with you is completely out of my control,” Kenobi says. “But I think this is only way you’ll be able to leave the Jedi Temple alive after what Palpatine did.” He holds out his hand. “Is your life worth brokering peace with the Republic?”

It is, and Kenobi knows it. Dooku somewhat reluctantly places his hand in Kenobi’s. “Very well. What happens now?”

“We start, and you hope like hell the Force thinks you’re worth saving.” Kenobi clasps Dooku’s hand and takes a deep breath. Suddenly, his presence seems to fill, growing stronger by the moment as the void inside him is replaced with what is unmistakably Light. It’s not natural. Not human.

Dooku feels a faint tremor of fear in his heart as the very air seems to grow heavy around him. He realizes, in that moment, just how desperate he really is. In the end, for all his power and machinations and pride, he is just a old man scared to die. Pathetic to be brought so low, but if Kenobi can save him, he will take that chance.

“Open yourself to me,” Kenobi murmurs, the Force still building within him like a miniature sun. “The Light can’t reach you unless you reach for it, first.”

Dooku lets himself think a quick prayer to the Force. Help me, he thinks. Please.

For a brief moment, Dooku sees a different Kenobi before him, with cropped hair and Jedi tabards, suffused with Light and determination. Jedi-Kenobi smiles, then the vision dissipates as a rushing force grabs him by the soul and drags him into the heart of the Temple’s power and blackness overtakes him.

Dooku doesn’t know what happens after that. That’s probably for the best--the sentient mind is only equipped to handle certain things, and what happens within the heart of the Force itself is probably not one of them.

He wakes blearily some time later, feeling very distinctly like he has been judged harshly and found wanting, and also beaten to hell all over. Pressure wash, indeed.

Self-examination reveals that the Dark Side from Sidious is still there, but smaller and more detached. Manageable, even by the Jedi Soul Healers. Kenobi, it seems, was not just talking.

He opens his eyes, and Kenobi is slumped in a chair beside him, sleeping upright with his cheek propped up on his hand. It looks massively uncomfortable--surely Kenobi could have found someplace more horizontal to sleep on?

As if detecting his gaze, Kenobi stirs and blinks at him. “Ah,” he says, yawning. “Count. I see you’re still alive. Congratulations.”

“Yes, apparently so,” Dooku says. He peers at Kenobi. Only half-awake, he looks even more disheveled than before, but now Dooku thinks he can see the Jedi this man had once been and could have been. There’s still Light in his soul, slowly seeping away to let Kenobi’s usual emptiness return.

“I can feel you thinking about me,” Kenobi says, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm. “If you have a question, just ask.”

“Your talents are wasted here,” Dooku says. “Are you sure you won’t work for me?”

Kenobi grimaces. “Definitely not. I’m a private investigator. I don’t think I’d find a lot of work on Serenno, and also I don’t like you. Besides, Coruscant is my home.” He gets up and dusts himself off. “Well, since you’ve safely made it back, I think that means I can go. You’ll talk to Bail--Senator Organa--about peace negotiations?”

“Hm,” Dooku says. “I’ll have to wait until I can actually leave the Temple for that, but I suppose I can start drafting some terms.”

“Fantastic. I’m leaving now.”

“Kenobi. One moment,” Dooku says.

Kenobi sighs. “What now?”

“You were always going to do that, weren’t you? To try and purge the Dark Side from me--my agreement to the peace negotiations had nothing to do with it. All your frustration with having to see me in person was just theater.”

“Ah,” Kenobi says. “I mean, I was genuinely pretty upset about having to come here right after landing--I would have preferred to do it after I’d slept, but some people were worried your condition might suddenly deteriorate.”

“One would think that the preferable outcome,” Dooku replies. “What with my being, what do you call it, ‘a bastard and a generally selfish and unpleasant person’?”

“Dooku,” Kenobi says tiredly. “You used to be a Jedi Master. You know our philosophies. Nobody deserves to die, not even a bastard like you. Not even a bastard like Palpatine--it’s just that killing him was the only safe way they could find to neutralize him. If you keep up this war, if you cause more undue suffering, then the Jedi will probably solve that problem the same way they solved Palpatine--not because they want to or think you’ve crossed some event horizon where you can no longer stop being a shitty person, but because you’ve refused every other path back and in the end we have to prioritize the lives of innocents over the lives of those inciting the violence. But it’s not the Jedi way to let people die when we can help them. That’s how you pulled them into the war. That’s how you’ve gotten everyone into this mess.”

It’s really fascinating, just how idealistic Kenobi’s view of the Jedi is, despite everything. Dooku can’t remember when he used to think like that, like there was something worth fighting for in the Jedi doctrine, but it must have been a very long time ago.

Kenobi scrubs a hand over his face. “I really don’t care if you feel sorry--I just want you to stop killing people. So fix this, end the war, and you can go home and sip some wine or whatever you do when you’re a Count and a Separatist leader. Maybe you can talk to Yoda and Master Jinn while you’re here and sort out your personal problems, or don’t. I don’t care. Just don’t come bothering me.”

The Force flickers once again, and Dooku’s vision shifts to that of Jedi-Kenobi--dutiful, honorable, talented, and tired. For a moment, Dooku yearns for it--a lineage to be proud of, students to teach, a world where the Jedi can be as they were meant to be.

He does not miss the complacency and hypocrisy of the Jedi Order, but he misses the ideals and the camaraderie and the years he had called these hallowed halls his home. It is not the Jedi way to dwell on what could have been, but Dooku has not been a Jedi for a long time, and he has let himself fall into bad habits.

He blinks, and the moment is gone. Kenobi is on his way out of the door.

“Kenobi, do you ever think about what could have been, had you remained a Jedi?” Dooku asks.

Kenobi casts a dispassionate look back at him.

“No,” he says, then leaves.

#star wars #fanfic #obi-wan kenobi #count dooku #fic: asynchronous circuit #jessepinwrites #Anonymous #ask jesse

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