so i realized with my phone i can just kinda. erase the text in the speech bubbles...
and that means . . .
i have been given too much power
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Damian: "My grandfather drives faster than this, and he's dead!"
Jason and Steph, leaning forward from the backseat: "Ra's died?!"
Tim: "He's still alive. He literally never--"
Dick, rolling his eyes, hands clenched on the wheel: "Guys he means Thomas."
Steph, slumping back: "Wow, I legitimately forgot about that."
Damian: "Every word that comes out of your mouth is a reminder--"
Dick: *cranks up the radio loudly*
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AU where Jason, Cass and Damian meet in the League and cause so much chaos that a burnt out Ra's just dropped them with a note
"Two of them are yours the third one is free"
And Bruce rolls with it
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Bruce would have interesting ways to discipline his kids.
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Bruce: Listen to me, Damian! You can not steal my car and drive across country to visit Jon.
Damian: Then why do I know how to drive! And my mommy says I can! You don't own me!
Bruce: Young man, when you are under my roof you will follow my-
Damian: No I don't.
Bruce: If that's how it's gonna be. *Draws a circle around Damian* Stay there for five minutes.
Damian: D-d-d-daddy?
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Dick: *swinging from the chandelier that has been pass down in Bruce's family for generations* I'm gonna swing from the chan-
Bruce: Get down here this instant!
Dick: I'm not doing anything.
Bruce: Richard Grayson
Dick: You're not my dad!
Bruce: *brings out a bag of m&ms*
Dick: What are you doing? Those are mine?
Bruce: *opens it slowly*
Dick: Bruce?
Bruce:*eats one*
Dick: STOP, I'm coming down. Don't eat them!
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Jason: You can't make me. I'm not going to the party.
Bruce: *head vein throbbing* This is important. You can't skip this event.
Jason: *shrugs* You'll have to carry me.
Bruce: *takes a deep breath and walks away*
Jason: ahah, baby.
Bruce: *comes back with a bottle of castor oil and a spoon*
Jason: You sick sick man. Fine I'll go.
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Bruce: Tim you disappoint me.
Tim: I didn't think it would blow up the Batcave. Or make mustard gas. Or create a sinkhole.
Bruce: *sighs* I have no choice. You going on a nature retreat.
Tim: Bruce!
Bruce: Over two weekends. With the Boy Scouts.
Tim: *tears glisten in his eyes* Bruce...
Bruce: As a junior member.
Tim:
Bonus
Alfred: Right! That's it, Master Bruce. *Pours a spoon of castor oil8
Bruce:
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Bruce acts so emo all the time that I just can't help but enjoy the idea(/headcanon, I guess) of him secretly just being an old man dad- Like all of the villains go 'Omg it's Batman we're gonna get beat up' and Commissioner Gordon randomly thinks to himself while working late 'I bet Batman is doing super smart stuff like looking at case files or serving justice rn' but it turns out Bruce is just in the Batcave, very seriously talking to the Bat-Computer about the definition of slang like "Okay 'Puter, define 'Yeet' for me.."
Or he's up at 3AM scrolling through Tim's Tumblr blog looking for ways to connect with his child, but instead becomes mildly concerned when he sees Tim posted a pic five minutes ago of himself at Waffle House (He thought he was in his bedroom-?) with the caption 'Lmao just had a mental breakdown ✌'
Bruce: "So, Damian.. Have you 'rizzed up' any 'level ten gyatts' recently?"
Damian(Also doesn't know slang): "Father wtf"
Of course all of the Bat-Kids know this, and try to subtly introduce him to different memes because he always looks so proud of himself when he properly uses slang, he's like 'Heck yeah my kids are gonna think I'm cool'
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Baby Dick Grayson as Robin meets the League and they're all gobsmacked at how Batman, who has an emotional range that goes from cynical wet blanket to unstoppable force of nature, has such a seemingly normal and happy kid.
"He must get it from his mom." Green Lantern said, trying to build some kind of rapport. "She approve of you running around beating up bad guys, little man?"
"My mom is dead," Dick replied and Green Lantern paled.
"Oh that's uh--"
"It happened right in front of us." Dick continued conversationally, gesturing to himself and Bruce.
The rest of the League start frantically signalling to Hal without using words, abort! Abort!
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A family doesn't need to be a husband a wife and two kids, sometimes it's a lesbian terrorist couple, a flying brick from Mississippi, a Catholic German and a Cajun thief. And I think that's beautiful
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cursed construction core hi vis bra that came to me in a dream
In the dream I saw it in the window display of a hardware/DIY/trade shop, implying it was meant to be a practical garment designed for actual female constructions workers in a Female Armour level missed-the-brief attempt at gender inclusion
The practical support from the visible underwire combined with the hi vis implying it’s not meant to be worn as an undergarment, I just-
I blame my binge-reading ND Stevenson’s gender comics talking abt masculinity and femininity incl the one abt Victoria’s Secret lingerie yesterday for this monstrosity x’D
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Jason: Man I was born in the wrong era
Barbara: Oh ? Where would you go ? Roman Empire ? Golden Age of pirates ?
Jason: Far West, when you'd be a hero by shooting bad guys.
Barbara: Jason !
Steph: Y'know, you ain't a tree. You can move. Kidnap rogues and kill them in countries without proper justice system.
Barbara: Stephanie !
Tim: Or you just could go to the no man's land in Yellowstone park or the four corners.
Barbara: Timothy !
Dick: Quite frankly if you drop Joker's body in Bludhaven we won't waste time on it.
Barbara: Richard !
Damian: There would be an investigation only if there is a body.
Barbara: Damian !
Cassandra: Cassandra !
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