#I really want to know why she chose amren

[litnerdwrites]

Feyre betrayed Nesta in the worst way...

It's a common stance that many people, regardless of if they love or hate Nesta/Rhys/the IC, seem to have, but I don't think it is. Was Nesta complacent in keeping it from her since she found out? Yes. Was that wrong of her? Yes again. Was blurting it out the way that she did also not ideal, to put it mildly? Absolutely yes. But was it out of malice? No.

And Nesta didn't care. Couldn't think around the roaring. 'Have any of them told you, their respected High lady, that the babe in your womb will kill you?' Amren barked, 'Shut your mouth!' But her order was confirmation enough. Face paling, Feyre whispered again, 'What do you mean?' 'The wings,' Nesta seethed. 'The boy's Illyrian wings will get stuck in your Fae body during the labour, and it will kill you both.'

The idea that this was all said in malice just never sat right to me, and after scrolling through some comments on a video discussing the matter, the pieces finally clicked into place. First, let's talk about the hike, though.

Her breakdown after that hike wasn't a moment of catharsis and letting walls down. It was a weeks worth of exhaustion, dehydration and depression that resulted in Nesta giving in to the torture she was put through just to end it. It was a pivotal moment in the IC's efforts to break and then reconstruct her to their liking, or rather, to Feyre's liking. However, a vital stepping stone in reaching this point would be for them to gaslight and isolate her until she truly had no one. I mentioned before that I didn't think anyone in the NC would chose Nesta, and this is an example of why I believe that.

Nesta snarled, but Feyre stepped between them, hands raised. 'This conversation ends now. Nesta, go back to the House. Amren, you...' She hesitated, as if considering the wisdom of ordering Amren around. Feyre finished carefully, 'You stay here.'

Nesta is clearly upset and hurting and Feyre disregards that entierly, not even offering to discuss or find out why Nesta is hurt or feeling the way she is. Feyre didn't bother to try and understand Nesta before and she isn't bothering now. Either Feyre assumes she knows what Nesta is thinking/ feeling, or she just doesn't care. She dismisses her, telling her to go back to her prison, disregarding Nesta's choices, autonomy and opinions again.

If I recall right, it was Amren who informed Nesta that she was free to go where she wanted if she made it down the ten thousand steps. Feyre wouldn't order Amren, even to stand up for her sister, but happily go against Amren's own words to punish Nesta? Hypocrisy at it's finest.

All of this leads to one outcome: Nesta feeling trapped. Cornered and without a single ally in the whorld who would defend her properly. Isolated from anyone who'd be willing to treat her with decency, while believing she doesn't even deserve the basics of kindness. It leaves Nesta more prone to actually going through with committing suicide, since the behaviour of these people, mixed with her own self hatred, sets a precedent for how Nesta believe she'd be treated.

We see this when Nesta first meets Emerie, thinking to herself that 'the invitations would stop' when Emerie learned what nesta was really like. Or at least what Nesta perceived herself to be like.

Even though Nesta has Emerie and Gwyn, she has no reason to think, based on what brainwashing the IC has already done coupled with her self deprecating mindset, that they wouldn't side with the IC. This isn't to say Emerie and Gwyn are like the IC by any means. I think they're great friends to Nesta, and if that changes or not later on is more so up to SJM and her writing, rather than their characterisation. It's the reality that the IC have created for Nesta through abuse, gaslighting and borderline torture that's wound up feeding in to Nesta's already existing trauma and self worth that has lead to her becoming isolated this way.

And Nesta didn't care. Couldn't think around the roaring. 'Have any of them told you, their respected High lady, that the babe in your womb will kill you?'

The comment on the video I saw explained that, while Nesta was angry when saying this, she wasn't trying to hurt Feyre or take her anger out on anyone. Nesta was angry because she wasn't told that she made a new trove. She was angry that these people had the audacity to vote on her life, and take bodily autonomy from her. She was angry that Feyre wasn't acknowledging or even trying to understand how Nesta was feeling. She was angry that she was treated like the bad guy- or more like a petulant child in this scene, I suppose- and had her feelings dismissed again.

Dismissed the way her mother/grandmother used to when she was trained. The way her father did when he refused to hunt. The way the Mortal Queens did when Nesta merely asked them to save her people. The way Feyre did when she asked for Nesta's help again, and again, and again during the war, only for it to never be enough in the eyes of other. The way that Elain did when she got upset at Nesta time and time again for how she handled her trauma or how she wasn't over her trauma or how Nesta tried to protect her. The way Cassian dismissed her feelings when he got mad at her for having an opinion of Rhysand.

Nesta was angry. She had every right to be angry. Most people would be angry, and alone, and if they already had suicidal thoughts like Nesta, having been abandoned by everybody while gaslit into thinking it was fine, and then only called upon to be used for the benefit of others while the snickered behind her back and dismissed her again.

As the commenter put it; She was trying to find someone who would relate to her anger. Nesta wanted an ally, someone who wouldn't leave her alone. Someone to be by her side and, perhaps subconsciously, thought that Feyre, who'd hunted for them and helped look after them for years, would chose Nesta's side.

The parallels between Nesta and Feyre's situation here are clear, and I think Nesta understood that when she said what she said. I think that Feyre believing Nesta said it to hurt her was a gross misunderstanding on her part, but it's not like she ever asked Nesta how she felt. Now that I think about it, for all that Feyre talks about Nesta feeling too much, and taking everything to heart, she never once confirms with Nesta. Never asks how Nesta feels.

Since coming to the Night Court, Nesta's feelings and traumas have been twisted and spoken about only in relation to how Feyre feels.

'Do you know how embarrassed I was when we got the bill this morning and my friends-my family- had to hear all about it?'

The intervention began, not because of Nesta doing something to risk hurting herself, but because Feyre was embarrassed and started crying into her breakfast.

'All of it pains me… It pains me that Nesta has become… this. It pains me that she and Feyre are always at each other’s throats. It pains me that Feyre hurts over it, and I know Nesta does, too.'

Cassian is pained, not because Nesta is suffering so greatly that she isolated herself for her own sisters (who didn't really act like sisters between the end of ACOWAR to... well now, so it's understandable), or because Nesta felt her only reprieve from her pain was in sex and alcohol, but because Feyre hurts over it. He knows Nesta does (but he doesn't know she hates fire? Or is uncomfortable at their social gatherings, since in ACOFS he somehow hoped she wouldn't take the bribe money and say she enjoyed their solstice party??? Because...Why?) But, of course, it's Feyre's feelings on the matter that are prioritised.

'Nesta is Nesta. She does what she wants, even if it kills her sister.'

Rhysand, not that I expect much from him, honestly, is utpse, not because he can't find a way to help Nesta. Not because his court is actively cruel to Nesta, hell, he joins in. Not because Nesta is in pain, in no small part because of him and his court. Not even because Nesta is spending his money. Because she's upsetting Feyre. Because, god forbid, Nesta have trauma and handle it in a way that doesn't make his wife happy.

Feyre tells others how she thinks Nesta feels, the others go with it, or just come to their own conclusions, not sure which is worse, but nobody stops to consider how she feels. Feyre feeling like Nesta said it to hurt her, I think, is simply proof that she doesn't understand Nesta.

Let me ask you, if you found out you were lied to in a way that affects your ability to make informed decisions regarding your own body, by someone you were supposed to trust, and who should've had your back, and that your own sibling has been betrayed by the same people in a very similar, if not identical way, and yet you're the one being turned into the bad guy, and dismissed, would that not make you feel isolated and frustrated?

It's understandable that Nesta tried, either consciously or subconsciously, feel less alone by appealing to common ground to find an ally. Nesta mentions at the end of ACOSF that she believes Feyre loved her from the start, and after those years in the cabin, I think Nesta sees Feyre as someone reliable.

This scene doesn't feels like Nesta trying to hurt Feyre. It feels like Nesta trying to reach out to the one person she could rely on; Feyre. Her mother was abusive, her father was a deadbeat, Elain was her ward, and the IC hate her.

'Nesta studied me for a long moment. And then she said with equal quiet, though we could all hear, “I can’t get into a bathtub, anymore. I have to use buckets.” I hadn’t known—hadn’t even thought that bathing, submerging water…'

Amren tells Cassian to keep reaching out his hand, even though Nesta has reached out her own time and time again. Esspecially to Feyre, as she was the one Nesta relied on before. Possibly even the only person Nesta has ever relied on, and Fyre was the one she was trying to rely on now.

Nesta relied on Feyre, and needed to rely on her again. To have strength together, in a situation where they both lost their choices and autonomy to Rhysand and his (cause don't pretend it's even slightly Feyre's) IC.

It may have been wrong to say it in that way, at that time, under those circumstances, but this, to me, feels like Nesta's way of reaching out her own hand only to be misunderstood, punished, and dismissed again. And again. And again.

In a way, I think Feyre might have, unintentionally, betrayed Nesta in a worse way than Elain ever has. Elain was a ward. Almost like a child, to Nesta. They were never on equal footing. Moreover, Nesta was never punished if she upset Elain, no that she should be, or if Elain misunderstood her. Nesta never relied on Elain the way she relied on Feyre. She never trusted or had faith in Elain, the way she clearly trusted Feyre. She had thought she'd found an ally, with similar pain, in Feyre, in the moments she spilled the secret, but Feyre didn't care.

When I was reading the scene where Cassian told Feyre his idea to take Nesta on a punishment hike, she sounded all too gleeful when telling him how miserable Nesta would be. That, in my opinion, is the worst betrayal of all.

#anti ic #anti inner circle #pro nesta #anti rhysand #nesta deserves better #anti acosf #pro nesta archeron #anti amren #anti mor #anti feyre #anti cassian #anti morrigan #anti rhys

[miyaniacs]

Corrupted by Darkness

- Introduction -

Facts ; Wattpad

ACOTAR x Fourth Wing x OC

You know how there’s Good and Bad in the world? Heaven and Hell? Angels and Demons?

For every good person, or fae, there’s an evil one out there. Somewhere.

Well it’s the same for dragons.

And I’m not sure if I found the good one or the bad one.

Hello Family,

I’m sure you all are thrilled to … read from me.

Until I found out you were spying on me the whole time?

Come one! Cassian? Do you have no trust in the way you trained me?

Or you Azzie? You made me a fucking shadow yet you’ve sent your shadows to spy on me?

I know I know, Im still a child in your eyes… but I’m as old as the others around me - besides I’ve survived with you as my “family”, you really think this will kill me?

Anyway, I finally have the privilege to annoy you all with endless letters, the first year is over and I’m still alive baby.

So let me tell you about my year…

On my very first day I made a friend, Rhiannon. We ended up being in the same squad too - Fourth Wing, Flame Section, Second Squad. Two new friends we made in our squad are Ridoc and Liam. I know you told me to stick to the other fae around here… But she’s a bitch and I’m this close to kill her every second she opens her mouth. And I really don’t know why our wing leader is fucking with her- like literally. Humans need to meet more fae, otherwise he’d realize that she’s not special. I really hope more fae will come to the riders and help mixing humans and fae in the future… Geographically our worlds are connected but somehow we are not. Back to this bitch tho. Her Name is Eve and she’s the daughter of some lord from Autumn, who’s dad is or was friends with Beron - this should be enough for you to know that she’s a bitch. So anyway now my friends and our section leader Garrick are now judging Xaden for fucking with her. Which made Xaden, our wing leader, hate me… Don’t ask me why just me and not the others too, but just me.

Maybe it was because I once said to Eve that I know she’s just messing with him because she can’t have the real Shadow boy ( yes I’m talking about you Az) - and he was right behind me. She looked offended tho, so add her to the endless list of girls that want to fuck Azriel, yet he still choses the life of abstinence.

Okay uhmmm all the fighting stuff is actually way too easy for me which is why I’m mainly training with Liam or Garrick and not the other first (now second) years.

The food is awful and doesn’t get better the longer you eat it (pls Rhys I’m begging you, pull some strings and get me a care package).

Well other than that… I know you what you want me to talk about… The dragon who chose me.

Noctis.

What can I say - I or We were the talk of the month when he appeared during Threshing and chose me. Everything around me became black. I couldn’t see anything and then… two glowing red eyes appeared in front of me and he spoke. He spoke in my head.

‘I’ve been waiting for you.’

Then the darkness … vanished and there he was. An enormous black dragon. His scales are razor sharp spikes, his horns ( he has for of them) are so long, I could hold them while riding him. His teeth come close to the size of you Cassian. His tail ends in something that fades into a shadow… just like his wings. They have holes in them and the ends fade into shadows…

He wasn’t a normal black dragon I was sure of that.

Thanks to being a fae I got on top of his back and somehow managed to stay there during the flight.

I’m sure you heard all about the drama that went down afterwards.

He shouldn’t be here.

He’s supposed to stay a legend.

Is he even real?

How can he possible bond to someone?

Rhys.

He doesn’t just look like the Dragon Amren told us about. The one she saw when she first landed on this continent.

He IS that dragon.

And he’s a sarcastic bitch that doesn’t know when to stay out of my head or my business- you two would get along so well.

But he’s pretty cool.

And he’s not screaming in my head rn to write this.

Well… and now to the other matter.

My…signet …

So there’s the one… everyone knows of… Shadow Wielding. That’s kinda obvious with how Noctis looks (and forces me to spend more time with Xaden, since we both have the same signet and he’s told to teach me).

But it’s just one of them… Rhys… I feel it. I feel the blood of the people around me. One time Rhi was bleeding and it just wouldn’t stop and I didn’t know what to do… I just wished it would stop. And then I felt it. I felt her blood running out of the cut on her arm and… I made it stop?

I know it sounds crazy but.. then there was this other time … I was just minding my own business during lunch and Eve had to sit down right in my eyesight and make out with Xaden… I got so annoyed… and just wanted it so end. I thought about blood running down her neck… and then… it started to run. Run out of her nose, down her mouth and…down her neck. She needed to go to the healer’s because it just wouldn’t stop.

Rhys.. what is wrong with me?

Noctis just tells me that he knew why he waited for me.

I know I should go to my teachers.. and learn how to control it.. but something tells me that I shouldn’t.

Oh and Rhys… His power… feels like yours.

Talk to you all later…

Nea.

With a sigh I put away my pen.

Shadows crawl around me and caress my face.

I smile and look at the male behind me.

“Did I wake you up?” I ask him.

“No… But I’m kind of offended our activities knocked me out more than they did to you.” He laughs and gets out of my bed. His lips touch my shoulder blade, right where Noctis marked me. His fingers trace the thin lines on my body, that run from the dragon on my back all over my body.

“They’re beautiful.” He mumbles.

Pfff obviously. Noctis sighs and I feel him rolling his eyes.

“Come back to bed now.” He says and walks backwards, dragging me with him.

#acotar headcanon #acotar x reader #acotar oc #acotar fanfiction #azriel x reader #azriel x oc #xaden x reader #xaden riorson #xaden x oc #fourth wing #fourth wing x reader #fourth wing fanfic

[moonssalad]

Am I the only one who is disgusted by seeing how many people actually seriously excuse Rhysands fucked up actions?

I have seen so, SO many people talking about how he hid the truth about Feyres pregnancy from her and always excuse it by saying how he didnt want to stress her out 💀. Or that he was looking for a way to save them before he told her, like he shouldve told her right away. And how he told the IC about it before he even told Feyre and told them to keep their mouths shut too and even worse is that they fucking listened to him, like what the fuck?? And how always in discussions about only Rhysand keeping it from Feyre people always start talking about how Madja didnt tell her either, like dude this is a conversation about what an asshole Rhysand is and not about Madja, keep to the topic! And how people hate on Nesta for telling her, like fucking hell. Ive even seen people say that Rhysand not telling her is AS BAD as Nesta telling her to hurt her or whatever. Its just insane, I think I lose braincells every single time I see posts like those 🤯. Feyre literally says throughout the books multiple times how she hates when people choose for her or dont tell her something because they think it would be too much for her and Rhysand literally keeps one of the most important things from Feyre.

Also what the hell was that bullshit about Amren saying how Rhysand should be High King? Hes literally one of the worst options for it. Bro cant even handle 2/3 of his court 💀. And lets so many people suffer in Illyria and Hewn City even though he has had CENTURIES to change something. Honestly none of the IC even try to change something about the Hewn City, like are you seriously telling me that Mor was the only person who was good in that shithole? Whats even more insane is how Mor doesnt change anything about it when she had LIVED THERE for years and now has the power to do it! And Illyria, Cassian seems to be the only one who is actually trying to make it better even though its not really working. Why the hell cant healers heal wings but can heal someone whos guts are basically spilling out?? Hell why the hell doesnt anyone know about c-section? Just insane. What the hell does Rhysand even do for his court? Just sits on his ass and thinks only about Velaris? Because it seems like that.

And am I the only one who was mad how Rhysand chose to show off Feyre as if she was his plaything in the Hewn City. Like yeah yeah keeping up appearances or whatever but how the hell will they see Feyre seriously after that? I think Feyre was in the Hewn City two times and the second was when she was High Lady and Rhysand got her to sit on the throne after the first time he showed her off as his toy. You cannot convince me that the Hewn City residents take Feyre seriously and its all Rhysands fault.

Talking about keeping appearances, the whole 'mask' thing is so stupid. When someone doubts the IC intentions they have the fucking audacity to be mad about it as if they arent the ones who made sure eveyone thought they were all incredibly evil.

I dont even want to start talking about UTM and how fucked up it was.

People always say that he does things like these because he is 'morally grey' but to me hes just a toxic asshole. You dont write a 'morally grey' character and then excuse every fucked up thing he has done, its just not how it works.

Rhysand is literally the worst MMC ever and its insane how so many people say how wonderful he is, how he is the man of their dreams 💀, fucking worried about yall if you seriously think that.

Feyre should take Nesta, Elain and Nyx and get the fuck out of there because they all deserve so much better than this.

#anti rhysand #anti ic #anti inner circle #pro feyre #pro feyre archeron #pro nesta #pro nesta archeron #pro elain #pro elain archeron #feyre archeron #high lady feyre #high lady of the night court #nesta archeron #elain archeron #they deserve so much better #girls pack your bags #take nyx and leave #anti acotar #anti cassian #anti amren #anti morrigan #anti azriel #anti acosf

[acotar-taylorsversion]

More Recent Thoughts and What Not

So, I've been thinking about Lucien a lot lately. I don't hate him, so don't come at me, but sometimes I just feel that there were a couple of reasons why Sarah made him Elain's mate. I'm an Elriel girly for life and nothing and no one but Sarah saying otherwise will convince me that they aren't endgame. That being said, I think that Sarah made him Elain's mate as 1) Elain and Az's "obstacle" and 2) a way for him to stay relevant so she could use him in the overall plot. I mean, think about it. Feysand and Nessian both had these "obstacles" that kept them from getting together right away and Elain's bond with Lucien is a big reason why Az hasn't pursued her or thought more about a future with Elain. Why would he get his hopes up if he doesn't know how Elain truly feels about Lucien? He said himself in the bonus chapter. Elain was more than willing to kiss and perhaps go further and Az said that they had never gone that far. AND HE NEVER ACTUALLY THOUGHT THAT THEIR ALMOST KISS WAS A MISTAKE! HE FORCED HIMSELF TO SAY THAT BECAUSE RHYS WAS THERE AND WAS DEMANDING AZ TO STOP! Anyways, but yeah. And I know that Sarah orginally planned for Lucien and Nesta to get together but instead made Nesta end up with Cassian because of how perfect they were when she first wrote them in a scene together. But she needed a way for Lucien to be relevant to the plot, because let's be honest, I saw no place for Lucien after Feyre chose to stay in the night court. I actually forgot all about him until he showed and tried to take Feyre away. I think she always intended for Lucien to be involved with Vassa, but how would he have known about her if he didn't leave the Spring Court with Feyre because of Elain. Elain was the only reason he left with Feyre. Elain was the only reason Lucien didn't blow Feyre's cover the entire time she was back and I don't think that he would have been as close to her as he was if it weren't for the promise of offically meeting Elain. Even being Helion's son hasn't really done anything for the plot, yet. Do you guys see where I'm going with this? I don't know. LOL. The Eluciens might think I'm crazy!

And I want to say that Elain does not owe Lucien anything. Her silence is an answer in itself. I mean, she was about to kiss Az and do God knows what else with him in foyer of the river house while Lucien slept upstairs. She just doesn't care or doesn't care enough to consider him in moments like that. Clearly, time away from him does not affect her and he seems to be just fine away from her as well. Yes, he's being respectful by not pressuring her, but he can also take a hint. I don't think she'd be offended if he never got her a gift again until they both make the decision to accept the bond. And I don't see that happening. I just don't.

It's also suspicious how their bond was instantly recognized. Like feysand and nessian's bond took time to snap but Lucien instantly knew? And why can Az smell it and no one else can? Amren smelled feysand's but she's different and no body else could smell it until they accepted it. Elain and Lucien have not accepted it so what's going on there? Eluciens and gwynriels can call us crazy all they want to but we have legit questions. I still stand by my opinion about how Az acts more like Elain's mate than Lucien does.

Also, can I just say how much I hate all the hate the inner circle is getting on tik tok? Like, I'm sorry. I know we are all entitled to our own opinions but if you hate Feyre and Rhys so much that you create a 10 page slide show about how much they need to die and how horrible they are, then you don't deserve the series anymore. Why are you still reading it? Sarah has stated that Rhys is her favorite and feysand will always be the center of everything so they aren't going anywhere.

Same goes for all the Nesta and Cassian hate. Like wtf? NO. I will absolutely not put up with hate for either one of them for any reason. They are my favorite couple, like more than elriel and that's saying something. I waited years for their book and I am absolutely disgusted that people want her to break her bond and get with ERIS?! That is an insult to Cassian.

Let's see. What else? During my reread of Silver Flames, I realized that all the signs of Gwyn being a lightsinger or having some type of power are there from the moment we meet her. Both Nesta and Az and his shadows all react to her powers, which involve singing and music in some way. I noticed that she is always singing, too. I get the feeling that most of Gwyn's arc was not only proving to herself, but to everyone around her, that she's strong and capable. I think Az triggered something in her and she wanted to prove to him that she's not that girl that he saved anymore. You know? Also, when Nesta described her smile, it was said "Nesta couldn't explain the way she sensed that there was something else mixed into her. Some secret beneath that pretty face." This reminded me of the infamous quote of Az thinking of Gwyn's smile "a thing of secret, lovely beauty." Why are they associating secrets with Gwyn? I have so many questions and I need Sarah to explain ASAP. Like legit questions, someone explain it to me.

What do you guys think?

Now, I know that some gwynriels and eluciens might see this, and that's ok! I am open to discussions as long as they are civil, in the comment section or a message or an ask.

#acotar #elain archeron #elriel #pro elriel #azriel shadowsinger #nessian #lucien vanserra #gwyneth berdara #anti el*cien #feysand

[nikethestatue]

Why do you think Azriel didn’t want to go near the fire in Acosf? People tend to say that his secret is Mor, or that he chose not to go near the fire because he associates it with his childhood/trauma. This is my first time really being on the ship war side of tumblr, so I am confused with other interpretations.

People are saying it had nothing to do with Elain or Azriel being jealous that Lucien is her mate, but why is another scenario of Azriel standing near the doorway ✨conveniently✨ brought up in his bonus chapter when he is speaking to Elain. It wasn’t brought up when he was talking to Gwyn or Clotho, but it had nothing to do with Elain???? I am genuinely confused.

So this is interesting to me--that this still causes questions and confusion.

But the explanation is quite simple--he couldn't be near Lucien and Elain, who were both seated by the fireplace.

Here is how the scene progresses:

Nesta noticed something passing between Azriel and Elain. He is not by the fireplace, and remains standing. Who is by the fireplace? Lucien.

The scene continues:

Elain is now by he fireplace. We know it's by Feyre and Varian, who (above) were seated there. Again, the scene pivots between Azriel, who is still standing, and Elain, who is now sitting, but as far away from Lucien as possible. Next we hear about the fire in the fireplace. Who innately reacts? Nesta. Not Azriel. Nothing indicates that Azriel is bothered by the fire.

Furthermore, earlier in the book, we learn that in HOW, each person had an ASSIGNED seat--BY THE FIREPLACE. Cassian, Mor and Azriel. We learn that Amren didn't and didn't join them. 'Assigned place' tells you that it's been frequented enough to become a habit. If Azriel was bothered by his proximity to Mor or to the fireplace, he'd avoid it just like Amren.

Lastly, the scene ends:

Azriel clearly LIES about the reason for not being close to the fire.

Nesta knows he lies. Nesta again remembers that he's been next to fires plenty of times before. (So anyone who says anything about childhood trauma or whatever clearly is making it up)

Who is sitting by the fireplace? Elain and Lucien.

Mor isn't Azriel's 'secret'. The entire scene is Nesta noticing things about Azriel and Elain. She isn't noticing things about Azriel and Mor. Something charged passes between Azriel and Elain. Not Azriel and Mor. In fact, neither Azriel nor Mor do anything to even acknowledge each other. Also, Elain is finding a place as far away as possible from Lucien.

What do we learn in the POV?

Elain does the same thing that he did to Nesta. She lies. Her behaviour mirrors his, and she is also caught in that lie, but like it happened between Nesta and Az, this time, Azriel also doesn't confront her.

And lastly, the POV explains EXACTLY what had happened during Solstice and why Azriel was standing away from the fireplace. Not because of Mor. Or childhood trauma.

He couldn't stand the sight of it and the scent of the Elucien mating bond, and he needed to know that he could just leave, because he was affected so strongly by it.

THIS, btw, is exactly what a BONUS is.

A bonus is an addition to something that happened in the book, and an explanation of an existing scene.

it's not the beginning of a new romance, or a mating bond snapping, or any of that nonsense.

The bonus clarifies what Nesta saw, that what Nesta saw was real (the attraction between Elriel) and that there was a reason why Azriel wouldn't join the others by the fireplace. Because he couldn't stand the sight and the smell of the Elucien mate bond and needed to have an escape route.

There really aren't any 'interpretations' for this scene. It's clearly explained in the POV and it just confirms yet again that Azriel is tormented by the Elucien bond and that he and Elain are attracted to each other.

#elriel #azriel and elain #elain x azriel #pro elriel #acosf

[leviathanspain]

why didn’t i do it for you

cassian x reader

synopsis: you knew you weren’t his mate, but why did it hurt so much to realize that she was

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ever since feyre’s sisters were made, your life as a part of the inner circle was harder. an illyrian warrior like cas and azriel, you were given the task of babysitting the sisters like they were children. you had complained to rhysand to give you something worth your time, but the high lord had only rolled his eyes.

sitting with amren after a long night of playing nesta’s keeper, you shouldered a bottle of wine. amren was sitting across from you, drinking away at her cup of blood. you shrugged, “it’s not that i don’t like them-“

“you don’t like nesta.” she interjected, and you nodded, “i just wish rhys would stop seeing me as the weak illyrian girl from the mountains.”

you hadn’t been always on the easy path of life. your wings were destined to be cut, only to be saved from the sword last minute by rhysand, who had defended you, taking you away from your abuser to be safe. rhysand hadn’t known why he chose to save you, but as the years went by, you were considered a huge asset to him, and especially as part of his inner circle.

it was only luck that brought you to cassian and azriel, who treated you just like any other male warrior.

amren looked at you with those silver eyes and raised her eyebrows, “how’s cassian?” she changed topic and that made you even more upset. you took a huge swig of your wine and sighed, “being cassian.” you didn’t ever know how to respond to that question, “he’s been distant lately. making excuses to run off to the mountains. i would go with him but-“ amren nodded reassuringly, “it’s just hard because it’s been decades that we’ve been, ‘a thing’, but decades that i’ve never really known where we stand.”

you pondered off, “like, are we together? and if we aren’t, why did you get so upset when helion asked for me in the day court? or when i went out for drinks with azriel, as friends, but still decided to have a brawl with him?” you asked as if he was in the room with you and sighed, “it’s so hard, and i know you don’t care but i can’t tell mor, she’d tell me all the things that i want to hear and delusion is not what i need right now.” you closed your eyes.

amren sighed, “that’s true. i don’t care, but surprisingly, i care about you, warrior.” you opened your eyes to see amren gazing at you, “cassian has told you that you aren’t mates, the bond has never clicked in the last century so why would it ever? leave him.”

the ‘encouragement’ from amren only put you in a worse sour mood. leaving for the townhouse, you had made it without stumbling. only when you reached the door, did you nearly fall.

the door tore open and cassian was on the other side. he raised his eyebrows at you and shook his head, “where have you been? rhys said that your shift with nesta was over three hours ago!” 

you shoved past cassian and stumbled inside, “sorry general. i didn’t know that my lack of communication would get me into such trouble.” your sarcasm was one of the things cassian loved, when it wasn’t directed at him.

when it was, he was more than upset.

cassian grabbed your arm, “really? you come home drunk and don’t think i deserve to know why?”

you rolled your eyes, “don’t do this, not right now.” you tried to shuck him off but cassian was incredibly strong, and you weren’t sure why you acted like he wasn’t.

cassian looked at you with even more anger in his eyes. and that only set you towards the stairs, away from him.

cassian was relentless, and so he followed you.

the only good thing about the townhouse was that there was always extra rooms that you could sleep in. so you let yourself wander into one of the empty rooms and shut the door. you had barely made it to the bed when cassian slammed the door open.

“y/n. i asked you a question.” he was practically foaming at the mouth with rage, he was going to snap at your disrespect.

“it’s you! cassian, you are the reason why i feel like this! im sorry that you and i can’t share our problems so i drown them in drinks. and i’m sorry i ignore you because i’ll cry if i don’t.” you felt the tears well and you looked down, “please, just, leave me alone.”

cassian was speechless, and for once, he slowly stepped away, and closed the door.

you hadn’t left that room for days. at least, it felt like days. you had ignored every one of your friends.

even feyre had come to see you, and when she tried to ask what was wrong, you shook your head, “this isn’t a burden that’s yours to bear.” was all you could say as you shut out yet again, another person.

on a particularly bad day, you waited for rhys to make his round of begging for you to return to society.

“i want to leave.” as you said the words, you could only feel the shattering of rhysand as he looked at you.

“what?” the words didn’t even sound real as he heard them.

“i need to leave, rhys. i cant be here, with him, i-“ you shook your head, “im going back to the mountains.”

“no.” rhysand’s voice was full of anger as he said that, “anywhere but there. i will not let you go back there y/n.” he knew how much the illyrians had hurt you. wanting to return meant a genuine struggle.

you sighed, “the day court.” you looked down at your hands, “helion has been asking for me back, and you know he’ll take care of me.” rhysand nodded reluctantly, “are you sure? i can talk to cassian and-“

you held up a hand, “rhys. you are my brother, and i love you. but this is something that you can’t fix, not as rhysand and definitely not as a high lord.”

rhys nodded, holding out his arm, he smiled bitterly, “let’s go.”

months had passed since you ceased communication with the night court. it was for the best, you had told yourself. even when rhysand had begged you to change your mind, you had realized that you needed a change. you couldn’t be kept in velaris with cassian, always fighting and always arguing.

although you missed your home, you didn’t miss the suffocating feeling of knowing you weren’t his, and he wasn’t yours.

helion had healed your pain. he wasn’t your mate, hardly was he even more than just a fling, but he was a friend.

as you walked through one of the many libraries in the day court, you realized that you weren’t alone. a small shadow coasted the line of your back and you turned to see azriel fading in front of you.

you smiled at him, and azriel gave a small smirk, “still always on guard.” he whistled.

“always.” you remarked, “what brings the shadows to the day court?”

azriel looked down slightly before looking at you, “rhys asked for you back. he wants to have dinner, as a family.”

you looked at azriel with raised eyebrows.

clearly there was something else az wasn’t telling you. but as you landed on the roof of the house of wind, you didn’t even need to ask questions.

the smell, you could smell it as you flew above but it was driving you crazy, who was it? a smell between only mates, rhys and feyre reeked of it, but this was someone else.

as you walked inside, azriel just ahead of you, you realized with a deep sinking of your heart who it was.

before you could even react, mor ran up to you and engulfed you in a big hug. her squeal of happiness couldve rattled the house, “y/n! oh my warrior princess how i’ve missed you!” she looked you over and still smiled brightly, “the sun in the day court must be different. you look amazing.” you blushed at her compliment, “my, oh my, legendary mor falling in love with me. what an honor.” you joked and mor nudged you softly with a laugh.

rhysand was next to hug you, “i’m surprised you didn’t fight azriel on the way here. i had sent him with extra knives just in case.” he winked and you shoved him, “whatever rhys. why am i here?”

“y/n.” cassian walked into the dining area and it was then that it all clicked for you. he was different. he looked the same, he’s always looked the same. but his gaze towards you wasn’t the same anymore.

“cassian.” you looked him over and realized that he was the smell. newly mated, you realized with a pang.

rhys stepped away from you and the tension in the room was suddenly at an all time high just as nesta shuffled in.

the smell got stronger and your pain became more apparent.

“oh.” the words were lost on you as you stepped back slightly. mor, amren, feyre, they all looked at you with sympathy as you looked away.

cassian called your name but you couldn’t be there any longer.

you ran back to the roof and let your wings do the work as you threw yourself into the air.

the soft snowy base was the first thing you felt. you had been flying for what felt like hours. you had abandoned the dinner, it was as if your worst fear had manifested.

cassian and nesta?

the tears were hardly an expression to how you truly felt.

but it got worse as you heard the flapping of more wings.

cassian landed on the mountain just a bit aways from you and you took a deep inhale, “go away, cassian.” you said sternly, but realized with panic that you were getting teary.

cassian stalked over to you and shook his head, “i’m sorry.”

“how could you do this to me, cassian? why would you humiliate me in front of them? why couldn’t you have a written some bullshit letter about how it isn’t me it’s you?!” you sobbed now, finally letting the gates that held back your tears go, “i loved you! cassian, mother, how i loved you.”

cassian shook his head, “you left me! you ran away to the day court and thought i would wait for you? i told you, and we both knew we weren’t destined to be together, we aren’t good for each other!”

“but nesta archeron is? the woman you swore was so uptight and horrendous that i got stuck babysitting her?” you balled your hands up in fury, “that’s your mate?” your voice broke suddenly and you stepped back, “how long did you know?”

cassian shook his head.

“how long, cas?”

cassian looked at you, “the day she was made. the day she came out of that cauldron, i was hers.”

you nodded, “i hate you.”

cassian looked at you in disbelief. he knew you were hurt, but hurt enough to say you hated him?

he’s spent the better part of his life loving you, devoting himself to you, and you thought you were the only one who was hurt?

cassian sucked in a breath, “don’t you think that it hurt me too that you weren’t my mate? i denied myself her, i denied the bond, everything. i wanted you, i wanted to choose you.”

you shook your head, “don’t lie to me. it’s the one thing you promised not to do.”

cassian was at a loss for words, “why did you come here?” he looked at the mountain and realized that this was the first time since rhysand had saved you that you returned.

you shrugged, “the place where my life began, and where my life with you ends.” you looked at cassian and walked closer to him.

cassian smelled of her, and it was hard to even be near him. and the confusion crossed his face as you reached up just behind his ear. but you knew what you were looking for. and you grabbed a lock of his hair and yanked it.

cassian hissed and looked at you as you held the lock of your hair that he had knotted with his own, and threw it to the ground.

as you walked away, cassian pulled you back, “why do you care so much? you cant say you love me anymore, fate won’t let you.” you whispered, and cassian let you go, a broken heart displayed on his face as you flew away.

#cassian x reader #acotar #acotar imagines #rhysand x reader #azriel x reader #cassian x nesta #cassian smut #cassian fanfic #rhys acotar #acotar angst

[lia-land]

A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J. Maas

4/5 stars

Spoilers*

I love that the acronym is ACOWAR.

This was a good book, but my hopes were insanely high after A Court of Mist and Fury. This had specific scenes that I enjoyed, like the solstice and the High Lord’s meeting, but I got bored with all the war talk. It’s kind of like Taylor Swift’s Folklore and Evermore albums. Folklore was an amazing album as a whole, and Evermore had a few amazing songs, in my opinion.

The entirety of Feyre’s time in the Spring court was really enjoyable to read about and was a very strong start to the book. All of those chapters were on par with ACOMAF for me. There’s a lot of character development apparent there and I enjoyed SJM’s writing style here im not telling the reader about Feyre’s plans until after she had succeeded. Nothing really caught my interest after that until the conversation in Tarquin’s office, and then the High Lord’s meeting.

The only thing I explicitly disliked was how none of the main characters died. This is not to say that I expect a character to die in every series, but when you have as many main characters as this series has had, it just seems too convenient that they all live. Not just that, but Amren and Rhys did die, only for both to be brought back to life. I have read the rest of the series and cannot see any reason for Amren to have needed to come back to life. The excuse for it was also very rushed over, with Rhys saying that he just found her in the Cauldron when he was dead himself and brought her back. Her death did not surprise me at all as it just made sense and I felt like it was coming, but her revival confused me. Maybe she will have a purpose in future SJM books, but it would have been far more impactful if she had died and remained dead. It might have felt less out of place if Rhys hadn’t also died and been revived a few pages later.

Regarding Rhys coming back to life, I wish there was more justification on why the other High Lords chose to revive him. I can’t see why Beron and Tamlin would ever agree to do so, regardless of diplomatic pressure. Tamlin, I could maybe justify with his love for Feyre being so great, but even then, his character did not seem like the type to make such a sacrifice. I see absolutely no reason for Beron to have given his power. There obviously must have been one and I hope we find out in future books, because as it is now, it just feels like a convenient thing that happened for the sake of a happy ending. Potentially, I can also see why it might have caused some sort of refugee crisis since Rhys didn’t have an heir, but as it’s explained in later books, the Cauldron in unpredictable in how it chooses the next High Lord, so sometimes it's not the son of the previous High Lord anyway. Based on that, I assume the Night Court wouldn’t have been left without a High Lord, so we’re back to square one.

Mor, in general, was a very disappointing character. What even is her power? Her character would have made more sense to me if she didn't had a power, because what was the point if we never see her use it anyway? To be fair, in this regard, all of the characters were disappointing in the sense that we don't actually see their full potential. Feyre, especially, had so much potential with the magic of all seven courts and if this war was not an occasion for her to take full advantage of those powers, then what is? I know we see Rhys' beast form which he says he only resorts to when needed, but I was just expecting more from all of them. This didn't bother me much since I wasn't that invested in the battle scenes anyway, to be honest, so it hasn't majorly affected my rating.

I don't know how I feel about the ending. 1. Rhys and Feyre flying off into the night was a bit cheesy, but I'll live. 2. The death pact. I have manyyyy thoughts on this decision. On one hand, I completely understand that they are two people in love and witnessed each other die and never wanted to feel that pain again, but they are rulers. It is irresponsible and somewhat selfish in so many ways for the only two rulers of a whole court to make that bargain when they had no heir. This causes a paradox because they can either 1. never have kids, and leave the fate of the Night Court uncertain if they both die unexpectedly at the same time or 2. have kids and both die at the same time, whether expectedly or unexpectedly, which can have drastic effects on the child. I wasn't surprised when Feyre proposed such a reckless pact, but Rhys is 536 years old and has been High Lord for at least two centuries and I like to think that if he had thought of it in full, he wouldn't have agreed. (Although this is backed up by the Evil!Rhys theory, which I love to entertain so I'll let it slide for now).

In my review of A Court of Mist and Fury, I mentioned how I thought Rhys’ trauma from Under the Mountain was overlooked and I was hoping it would be acknowledged more in this book, but instead, Lucien faces something similar and that gets overlooked as well. I suppose it is on par with how our society doesn’t always acknowledge men’s trauma, but it would have been significant to have seen some sort of conversation about it.

I'm so embarrassed to say that the Cauldron scares me as of this book. The whole thing with it 'noticing' Nesta and then stealing Elaine in the middle of the night while 'singing' creeped me out.

#a court of wings and ruin #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury #acotar #acowar #acomaf #feyre #rhysand #feyre archeron #cassian #azriel #tamlin #amren #mor #sarah j maas #velaris #night court #book review

[silverflamedqueen]

Stages of Regret (Chapter 1)

This will be heavy on the angst. If you’re looking for fluff, and quick romance. Turn back now. It’s going to get worse before it gets better. This was shorter than I would’ve liked it to be. But, I wanted it to end on a certain point. 🙈

Nesta Archeron’s days off were spent visiting her favorite bakery. Where she would indulge in warm, fresh chocolate croissants. Days off meant no schedules to adhere to. As well as no one to look good for. Which meant pajamas all day sometimes. She could possibly read a book, or hang out with her friends. More importantly though, it meant she got to spend time with her favorite person. She wasn’t an overly chatty individual. Mostly she just listened to Nesta talk. Every now and again adding to the conversation.In her own special way. Her friends across the hall, Gwyn, and Emerie adored her the second they met her. Often begging to spend time with her. They said she was good company, and Nesta couldn't help but agree. It all made her happy.

But, at times, deep within herself. It also brought about a bitter feeling. Thoughts of what could’ve been. Had she not been such a coward. What could've been, had she let go of her damned pride for once in her life. It was too late for that now though. Without a doubt, there was no going back. Too much damage had been done. The bridge was burned to cinders. So she looked toward the future she could look to. Ignoring taunts, the shadows whispered in the darkest parts of her mind. This was her life now. She chose this. Owning it was the only option.

So with croissants in hand, she chattered absently. As she rounded the corner to her hallway. Noting how it was getting hot outside. Which was only met with the sweet smile and laughing eyes of her companion.

The sight of a man idly leaning against her doorway stopped Nesta dead in her tracks. She recognized those hazel eyes. As they bore into her, piercing that armor she worked so hard to forge. He always had that effect though. He always would.

For the past year, she’d seen those same eyes .They haunted her, serving as a reminder of what she did. What she couldn’t take back. He shifted his stance. Pushing off the wall.

“ Nesta” he gruffed, no hint of the love they once shared. She wasn’t surprised. So she steeled herself. Standing straighter, she adjusted the bag on her shoulder “ Cassian”.

She didn't know why she expected to hear him call her Nes. Maybe it was wishful thinking on her part. The affectionate name had always calmed her. Not that she’d ever admit to it. But, No matter the tone, whether it be joking, gentle,or loving. It always made her feel special. It was just for her. He never called her by her full name, ever, until now.

Nesta’s mind wandered to the Christmas party. That had changed everything. Had it really been a year and a half since she heard that name last?  She recalled Rhysand, her sister Feyre’s arrogant fiance. How he’d poked at her and Cass’s relationship. Any civility between the two of them. Was purely for Cass and Feyre’s sake. Anytime they were alone together. No words were exchanged. Both were content to sit in silence. Morrigan, Rhysand’s cousin, joyfully inserted her opinion that Elain would be a more palpable option for Cass. Something that even pulled a chuckle out of Amren. Who had once been a friend of sorts to her. In the end though she was never hers. Amren was Feyre's friend. She felt foolish for thinking otherwise.

Azriel though had never uttered any grievance towards her. In fact, he often gave her small reassuring smiles. When she had become the topic of interest. In a less favorable way. She even saw him give Rhysand, his brother, a disapproving look. At the comment made about her and Cass’s relationship.

After that comment though. The digs kept coming. Nesta had sat herself in a stuffed armchair as they all berated her. One comment, in particular, had hit her hard. Made by Morrigan, no surprise there. A wish that she’d just go away. To his credit, Cass gave her a look. But, she needed more than that from him. She knew most of them hated her. Thought she wasn’t good enough for Cass. It was an unspoken fact. Hell, she herself believed it. But, Nesta finally had enough when Morrigan pouted and draped her feet across her boyfriend's lap, wiggling her toes. A clear indication of wanting a foot massage. Her boiling point was fully reached when Cass indulged her whim.

With that, she had stood up, and made her way to the front door. Throwing it open, causing a resounding thud. As it hit the wall. Silence fell quickly after that. Cass had tried to intervene afterward. She even heard Feyre call out for her. She was too angry, too hurt to care. Cass had fretted about the cold weather, and her lack of a coat. Begged her to stay. To just talk to him. But, she heard none of it. If They wanted her gone. Then she’d do just that. 

However, a kink was thrown into her plan a few days later. One she didn’t see coming. One that scared her to her very core. If she was being honest.

Nesta showed up at Cass’s door the next day.  She needed to talk to him. Wanted to talk to him. She missed him. She missed his morning cuddles. She missed the way that he denied using her shampoo, that idiot. Resolve was fresh in her mind. She was ready to talk to him. To figure out how to move forward together. Her hopes were slashed though when. His door opened only to reveal a sneering Morrigan. A waste of space she had called her. Before slamming the door in her face.

   Nesta got a new number, broke her lease, quit her job, and moved across town. In the span of a few days. She assumed everyone was giving her space, by not showing up. When they did though most would be in for a much welcome surprise. She’d finally be out of their lives.

Her new job paid better for sure. For the first six months, she worked behind the bar. Learning different pouring techniques, and the proper way to mix drinks. After that, she started working the floor.  Balthazar, her boss, was adamant that all his employees get to their cars safely at night. Made this ridiculous buddy system. But, it worked. She was appreciative.

Her new apartment wasn’t much. A simple one bedroom. She’d made it a home though. Soon after moving in she met her neighbors. Gwyn, a spunky redhead. Who worked from home. She barely left her apartment. When she did leave. She’d dart over to another apartment.

Emerie owned a family shop. Something said family wasn't too thrilled about. But, she seemed unbothered by it. All of them had bonded over smutty books. Soon forming a genuine friendship. They cured her loneliness.

The clearing of a throat brought her out of her thoughts, and back to the current situation at hand. Cass’s face now looked elsewhere. Hazel eyes, met another pair of  Hazel eyes. The one year old on her hip was intrigued.  As she stared in wonder. Pain flashed across his face. “ How old is she?” he asked. Nesta knew what he was asking. She thought It’d be obvious. From the tiny tuft of light brown hair atop her head, to the piercing hazel eyes. She was a perfect mix of both of them. At least Nesta thought so. “ If you’re asking if she’s yours, she is”. She hadn’t meant it to come out so blunt. So, she tried to soften it. “ I had no right to keep her from you, I’m sorry”. His eyes met hers for the second time today. The pain still evident in them. He leaned back on the wall. “ Can we have a discussion inside?”. Nesta had feared this talk. She knew that eventually her past would catch up to her. “Of Course”. She said, a slight shake in her tone. As she opened her door.

#nessian fic #nessian #nesta archeron #nesta x cassian #acotar #acosf #nessian angst

[ellievickstar]

A Shock and A Secret (Part 3 of 8)

Ship: Eris x Reader

Previous parts: Part 1 (Rejection), Part 2 (His second option)

Warnings: None really just Azriel being an asshole as he has been for the past two parts

A/N: Hello loves <3 Y’all are honestly so fast to read new peoples posts. I started like yesterday and I have people asking to be tagged and I have followers. Wait- I have followers?! I love you guys honestly. I tried not to rage during this chapter but welp. My tag list isn’t very long (It’s only one freaking person, not including the rebloggers, but they are so nice) but if you want to be tagged you can check out my previous post!

“I object!”

My head whipped towards the voice and there he stood, Azriel. Eris growled from beside me. From the corner of my eye the priestess narrowed her eyes, “And why do you object to this union?” Her voice was suddenly a deathly calm as if she herself was enraged by his sudden interruption.

“Because,” Azriel glanced towards the small crowd which consists of only two families and a few other high lords from the summer, winter, day and dawn court. Everyone knew what had happened and everyone looked just about ready to kill Azriel, “She is my mate. She is mine,” Illyrian pride was basically rolling off him.

Rhysand snorted from the front row, Feyre was shaking with laughter, Nesta and Elain both looked stunned while Cassian, cauldron boil me, flew into a coughing fit. Amren on the other hand didn’t look so keen to laugh but instead stood from her seat, “Careful now, boy, let’s all remember that you were the one who rejected the mating bond,” For a second Azriel’s eyes looked like it held guilt there but in my heart I knew that it was not real. No, he did not regret rejecting me he just wanted someone to be with.

“It was a mistake-,” He was about to say but Eris cut him off, “I don’t care if you think that she is yours because she is your so called mate but just know that she chose to gave you a chance. You ruined it. If you were from my court I would have killed you by now because of the tears you made her shed!”

Everyone looked weary now. Cassian angling himself to pounce on Azriel if things got messy. There had always been tension between the two courts especially after the situation with Mor but after a few heartfelt apologies, Mor had forgiven Eris. Azriel on the other hand never did and had always thought that Eris was a prick.

The two males were staring at each other, as if sizing up an opponent, not willing to back down.

“Now, now gentle males,” Rhysand finally stood up strutting towards the centre of the stare that was being held by the two males, one of flame and one of shadow, “We don’t want to get into a cat fight now do we, it’s a wedding after all!” Feyre looked at her mate as if he were insane for wanting to get involved. He shot her a wink in return, her eyes just rolled in response.

“Don’t get involved in this Rhysand, it is none of your business,” Cassian spoke up trying his best to calm the situation at hand. Rhysand only said in return, “Considering that the ties between my court and the Autumn Court is at stake, I would say that it is my business,” He had a point and he may be the only one who could actually stop Azriel if this gets into a physical fight, “Besides,” Rhysand continued, “I wanna know why Azriel thinks that just because Y/N is his mate means that she is obliged to be with him,” He whipped his head towards the shadow singer, violet eyes met hazel ones.

Azriel opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water, for once having nothing to say because he knew about Rhys’s parents, he knew that they were mates but in the end did not go well together after their marriage.

Rhys, thinking that his work was down smirked like a cat before looking at me. You’re welcome. His voice sounded in my head, barely a whisper. I realised then and there that my mental shields were down as I slammed down a wall of hot flame around my mind. However, as soon as Rhysand sat down Azriel spoke up again.

“Well If Eris isn’t her mate, what makes him think that he can marry her? How does she know that he loves her?” Azriel snapped again, his tone demanding as he crossed his arms over his chest, painting the image of a child being told ‘no’ for the first time.

“Because I waited for her you damn bastard!” Eris raised his voice, “Because like how she waited for you, I waited for her. To heal and to get over your ass! Because I comforted her trough every tear, every panic attack every lapse in self confidence because of you! And because-,” Eris paused for a second as he swallowed, as if holding back a terrible secret, “She is my mate too,” he finally revealed as the whole room burst into chaos.

Next part is out now!

Tag list: @moonfawnx (You are so nice and also the first person to ask to be tagged &lt;3) @younxii @bolaurel @flightlesslittlebirdie

#azriel angst #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel #eris vanserra x reader #eris vanserra #eris vanserra fluff #eris #eris acotar #feyre acotar #feyre archeron #rhysand #a court of thorns and roses #feysand #a court of mist and fury #feyre #cassian #nesta archeron #archeron sisters #amren

[arizona2004]

I have a big request that I totally understand if you want to deny...what about the reunion scene where Rhysand comes back from UTM? Like low key angst but lots of love and fluff....maybe the reader and him were mated and she had to rule without him? Love your writing so much!!!

Okay, so I had to base this on like Feyre doesn’t exist and ACOTAR never happened the way it did, which I don’t usually like doing but I tried… I didn’t have the energy for a full story, though, or to edit it. I might make this an actual written out fic at some point, but I make no promises

He would show up in the townhouse foyer, having winnowed as soon as possible

You’re in the kitchen when you hear a clatter; Rhys winnowed right in the way of a table that sits in the middle of the hall

You think there’s an intruder and immediately winnow to the bottom of the stairs, prepared to fight

But all you find is your mate on the floor, the table on its side, and the vase in pieces

“That table wasn’t there before” his voice is low, and he’s looking at the broken vase instead of meeting your shocked face

A gasp leaves you as you take in his presence. It can’t really be him. Can it?

You fall to your knees in front of him and hesitantly reach a hand out to brush his fingers with yours

Your breath catches when you feel him. This is not a hallucination

Sobs quickly start racking your chest, and tears fill your eyes as you look up at him and he’s finally looking at you

You can’t decipher his expression as an endless amount of emotions pass through his eyes

You're still sobbing, barrel able to make out his face when you feel his arms wrap around you.

You breathe him in, his scent mixed with dirt and blood, and someone else consumes your senses

And suddenly, you’re not in shock anymore. “Are you hurt?” you ask, wondering why you smell blood

“No. it’s not my blood”

“I smell her on you. But the rumors can’t be true. What happened?”

He looks at you with a pained expression and like he doesn’t want to face you at all.

“I’m sorry,” he chokes out. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to.”

It’s your turn to pull him into your arms for comfort as he cries. Warm tears spill down your neck as he clutches tightly to your waist, terrified you’ll slip through his fingers.

I bitter feeling fills your chest. You know he didn’t want to. You knew the whole time that if the rumors were true, he wasn’t happy with the situation but still, him confirming that another female shared his bed-his body- makes a bitter feeling fill your chest. You’re jealous and angry, and you know you shouldn’t, but you are.

You’re angry for other reasons too, though

“You never should have gone.”

“Y/N-”

“You never should have gone, Rhys. Or you should have taken me. You left me here. Alone…”

“You weren’t alone. You had Cas. And Azriel and Mor and Amren. Tell me what you’re thinking or feeling”

“I hate you for abandoning me.”

“Y/N…” his voice cracks as he says your name, he’s scare

“But I love you anyway. And I’m angry that I love you because I don’t want to forgive you. And I’m angry that you left me alone for 50 years. And I miss you. And I’m scared and sad, and confused because I’m feeling so many things.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”

“It’s fine; we’ll talk about it later. Tell me what happened”

Rhys knows it’s not fine. He can feel you closing yourself off from him. He notices how you’re slightly less relaxed than usual in his arms. He hates it, but there’s nothing for him to do now, so he quickly recounts the events of the last 5 decades.

It’s days later, after reuniting with the rest of the inner circle, that you’re alone with Rhys again. The first night he was back, everyone got drunk in the living room, and you didn’t share a room alone with him.

The second night he was up late, already planning for the war to come with the others, you chose not to help, and he didn’t ask you too

When he didn’t come into the room as you nestled into the bed the two of you used to share you feel yourself relax. And you hate that.

It’s the third day that he’s back, and you’re on your way down to the kitchen when he opens up a door at the opposite end of the hall, as far from your bedroom as he could get

Shock, confusion, and anger fill your veins as you watch Rhys exit quietly, trying not to make any noise until he sees you.

“What are you doing?” you choke out

“Um-”

“You slept in there?”

He doesn't speak for a few moments, unsure of what to say.“I didn't think you wanted to be near me. You’ve seemed angry.”

“You’re my mate. You’ve been gone for 5 decades already, and you’re avoiding me as soon as you return? The anger churns in your gut, but you can already feel it turning into sadness, so you turn away and start down the stairs before he can see you cry

“Y/N, wait!” he shouts, chasing after you. “Please,” he begs, gripping your elbow. “I’m sorry. You said we would talk later and I was dreading that conversation, so I tried pushing it off by staying away. I’m sorry.”

“Why were you dreading it?”

“I knew you were angry. And hurt, rightfully so. I was afraid of what you would do.”

“What I would do?” you ask, still not understanding why he was so afraid to talk to you

“I just got back, Y/N. I can’t bear to lose you permanently; I didn’t want you to leave me.”

“You’re afraid I’m gonna leave you?” it’s a question, but the answer is already clear.

“Rhys, I just got you back too. I have no intention of letting you go.”

“But I basically che-”

“Don’t say that. You didn’t have a choice. I don’t like what happened, but I’m not holding that against you.”

“I thought you were angry about it.”

“I can’t honestly say I’m not, Rhys, but I wish I wasn’t.”

“You’re angry for other reasons, though.”

“Yes,” you admit, “but it’s nothing I won’t get over with time. And many apologies.”

A smile quirks his lips, bringing one to yours. “I can apologize until I die. I’ll grovel, I swear,” he promises, hesitantly reaching forward to brush your hand with his.

Instead, you leap into his arms and bury your head into his neck, knowing a hug is all he can handle right now and willing to wait as long as it takes.

#acotar #rhys acotar #rhysand #rhys x reader #rhysand x reader #a court of thorns and roses #acotar fic

[slutsofren]

oooh i’m not sure if this has been asked yet but directors cut on why you chose hebrew as the language for the book? and how will that tie in to the story, did the humans in reader’s world once come in contact with ancient fae of some sort?

AH THIS IS SUCH A GREAT QUESTION and one that has a very intricate answer so please just stick with me on this, just-

hold on let me get my whiteboard out!!

okay SO-

when i initially read acotar i read amren and her WHOLE VIBE as being an angel. like full stop, "be not afraid" biblically accurate angel. beautiful and terrifying and to be revered. i am what i jokingly refer to as a "recovering catholic" and went to catholic school. i was aggressively indoctrinated to our catholic church so when i read amren speaking of twin cities that burned i single-mindedly only read it as Sodom and Gomorrah* which further solidified my theory. is it true? idk. is it how sjm wanted her to be read? idk. it's just how i personally read her character.

* = as for Sodom and Gomorrah, for those who are unfamiliar with it- a very very very simple way to understand the verse was that they were twin cities that were punished by god for their sins and god destroyed them from existence for their apparent wickedness against his plans for humanity and nature. there's a lot of external context im leaving out but intrinsically that is the gist.

now i haven't read crescent city and i read throne of glass YEARS ago once so my memories of the series is fuzzy but i've heard that CC does go a bit deeper into abrahamic religious imagery throughout the two books. [spoilers for CC] with that being said i know of the crossing over sjm is aiming for with the tie-ins at the end of CC2 and i did read that snippet so after that came out it really did kind of help push this specific idea that i had of world jumping souls and whatnot.

so with me reading amren as an angel who was trapped into a fae body i felt that the book of breathings had to be hebrew. it felt right for my interpretation of amren and for her and reader to have that thread of connection of being from the same world, only thousands of years apart. i felt that if reader was at least culturally knowledgeable enough to recognize the stylized lettering of hebrew and recognize it enough to know it was a Semitic language, amren would 100% throw her entire being into readers corner. she trusts reader enough to know she is telling the truth but i see amren as being just that much self-serving that she was never going to justify doing whatever reader asked of her without question, but seeing the book, seeing reader recognize the language that (from amren's perspective) only amren knew, she saw you the reader for the first time and finally thought- this is it, this is where i am going to get answers.

as for the bigger picture, reader was not the first world-jumper ever. in fact reader is only a number of a multitude and suriel has alluded to knowing about the situation prior. the only difference is that this is the first time that a world jumper has came with the knowledge and foresight of reading acotar (lol 🤪) and was prepared enough to survive the specific narrative that was before them as feyre. almost like a how-to guide of what not to do right? lol. i have future chapters outlined enough that i know how i want to tell this story and where i want to deviate away from sjms storytelling and insert a narrative that includes world-jumpers who are not inherently good or even morally-grey. that there are world-jumpers who want to see the world bow down to their whims and destroy.

but now im just getting spoilery lmfao

as for humans from OUR world going to prythian, like i mention, reader was not the first to body swap with some one for whatever reason. historically in the high lady of cunning, i would like to imagine that it has been happening for generations and those who have tried to explain their situation have either been silenced one way or another or, more likely, decided to keep silent and try to survive. but even if all of those were potential possibilities, how many of those world-jumpers were fae? or even something stronger, far more ancient like a minor god of this world? along the line i believe a few fae from one court or another gathered together in secret and created the book of breathings as a failsafe, in a language only they could understand and read.

whether or not any of what i mentioned above actually make it into the fic is to be seen because like i said, i have a very solid outline for the future of the high lady. regardless, i hope i answered your question and gave you insight to where my mind is!! i love this funny lil horny fic and i will ALWAYS want to talk about it and behind the scenes stuff so if ya got any more deep dive questions, just shoot 'em in the inbox!!

thank you so so sooo much for your ask!! 🤲🤍🌹

sending you love anon muah!!

#I WILL DEEP DIVE INTO THIS FIC ANY DAY #YOU WANT LORE?? I WILL GIVE YOU LORE #anon ask #inbox 💌 #the high lady of cunning #the high lady talks #the high lady lore

[acourtofthought]

Do you think that Elain not mentioning Azriel, rather giving Feyre the credit for saving her in acowar is another hint that el/riel isn't happening?

I might be reaching and Sjm might not have even thought of that while writing that in acosf but it was a huge thing back then when Azriel helped Feyre save Elain and so many people made it sound like he alone saved her. I mean, there's this whole "I will get her back" crap and Elain didn't really acknowledge Feyre after they saved her. Even during the saving, she seemed like she addressed Azriel with the "You came for me" line (idk) rather than Feyre.. so to have her only mentioning Feyre in acosf was a little surprising to me.

I mean, the whole book (including the bonus chapter) felt like it was completely against El/riel. I'm not sure if Sjm had always planned Elucien or just later on because I still remember that Interview (although I remember it as a IG live) of Sjm confirming that El/riel are more like brother and sister + the healing journey she talked about Elucien, but the one thing that is clear to me is that el/riel aren't going to happen.

I think it's pretty major that SJM began to downplay E/riel moments in SF. She could have easily written it so Elain said, "And I remember Feyre and Azriel saving me" because that would have been just as difficult for Nesta to hear as "Feyre saving me". Some like to claim she only threw Feyre into the mix because it was an argument between sisters but the developing romances are just as important as the sisters relationship and when SJM wants to build up a couple, she makes a pointed effort to do so. The fact that Elain chose to credit Feyre for her rescue followed by Az seeming to take offense to that fact later when we see: Azriel stiffened. "I know. I helped Elain, after all." seems to show he's a bit put out that he didn't get acknowledged. To me that says Az has just always got to be the hero rather than focusing on how Cassian is trying to talk to him about Nesta's trauma after the experience. So that's one example of oddness between them. If SJM is truly building to E/riel then why are they getting more awkward around one another than closer together? At Solstice (in the novella) they at least chatted openly about her gardens but in SF, he smiles at her and she looks away from him. And Az speaking out against Elain while AMREN needs to put him in his place was pretty much the nail in their coffin (especially when he shows ADMIRATION FOR ANOTHER FEMALE, where did he ever show admiration for Elain when she stood up to Nesta?) That Elain wasn't there to witness that is probably the only reason she was willing to kiss him Solstice night. And though she was willing, they have almost nothing to say to one another. Their biggest concern is making out and that reads way too much like Feyre and Tamlin trying to have sex the night before her final trial. If Az and Elain were alone for the first time in a long time after barely speaking to one another, shouldn't they be interested in exchanging dialogue more poignant than "here's your gift, Nesta wouldn't appreciate the joke." "Here's your gift, it's beautiful, put it on me?" Literally screams epically deep romance right there, doesn't it? Listen, anytime two hot characters are about to get it on, it's going to be sexy. But sexy does not guarantee true love and it doesn't mean two characters are right for one another. The fact that SJM is an author who loves banter (she said she had to cut 15 pages of Bryce and Hunt ribbing on one another playing Mario Cart) and E/riel share none of it, I think it's fairly apparent that they don't have the endgame formula going for them. They're attracted to one another but they're surface level and that we've never witnessed them having a conversation involving the difficult stuff (which both Feysand and Nessian had before they ended up together, before they ever kissed), is pretty tell tale.

#anti e/riel

[bookofmirth]

lele I think this fandom needs to have "unreliable narrator" taken away from them until they learn how to use it correctly. why do I see so many comments about how acosf is a more accurate depiction of everyone because it's 3rd person "omniscient" (which isn't true) and 1st person is just so unreliable? 😭

first 👏 person 👏 is 👏 not 👏 inherently 👏 unreliable

We know *LESS* about the world in first person narration, but what we know isn't necessarily WRONG.

In fact, given the way that sjm writes, there is no reason to assume that anything Feyre experienced is actually wrong because sjm doesn't use first person in order to trick the reader! There are other reasons to use first person narration that have nothing to do with being a big ol' liar.

We may as well dismiss everything that a first person narrator has ever said as untrustworthy if that were the case, but it's NOT THE CASE. The main thing to be aware of with first person is that there are facts that the MC is unaware of, but really talented writers can still give us that information without the MC being aware. SJM is not one of those writers who does that, which is fine. But there is zero reason to mistrust what Feyre felt, knew, and experienced, just because she was the one telling the story. Her "view" of the IC is just as valid as Nesta's because they are unique individuals who have different experiences, values, goals, etc.

acosf is NOT more accurate. It's just not!

We got Feyre's perspective in acotar through fas, and now we have Nesta's perspective. It's not even omniscient because we don't get any information that Nesta (and sometimes Cassian) are not also privy to. We are still limited to knowing the world through their experiences.

You know how I know? This is just one example, but we had ZERO hint that the Dread Trove existed until we were in the room with Nesta, reading as she listened to Amren describe it. If the story were truly omniscient, and if it were truly *not* tied to Nesta's (skewed!) perspective, then we, the readers, would have been able to know or figure out the existence of the Dread Trove before Nesta did. But no. We are still limited to her perspective in acosf!

Another reason I know that acosf is NOT objective and NOT "more" true than any other book in the series, is that I was able to read a sentence and think "um, no, that's actually not true, that's just how you see it, Nesta". E.g. when she thinks about how she's worthless, I know that that's not true, but it's how she feels. When she thinks that Elain is like a dog, I knew that wasn't true. When she thinks about how Feyre and Elain chose other people over her, I knew that wasn't true. Why would anyone want any of those statements to be "objectively" true just because of how those thoughts were conveyed to us???

I haven't seen these posts so idk what people are saying, but the thing that annoys me is that these are potentially really interesting conversations about how the characters shift once we focus on someone who has a very different relationship with them, but I suspect that people say things like this and then tag the posts "pro Nesta" and "anti Feyre". If I'm wrong then that would be great! I just wonder, what is the reason behind trying to argue that Nesta's book is more "accurate" than the 3.5 we got from Feyre's perspective?

Writers and literary critics don't talk about first person narration as a way to prove that one character is "better" than another, it's about craft and the allowances and constraints of first person versus omniscient, or third person close. 💀

WAIT I also want to add on that "unreliable narrator" isn't something that this fandom needs to discuss ever because it's just not a feature of this series, unless it's to talk about something like... what Eris and Mor say about what happened between them. But even then, we already got her POV, so...

#sorry i ranted haha #acotar fandom #ask #anon

[nomattertheoceans]

Staying Afloat - chapter 23

chapter 22 | chapter 24 | masterlist

The cake was good, although a little too sweet for her taste.

She was sitting on the couch of the breakroom beside Rhys, mostly listening as he caught up with a few of his former colleagues. She smiled as Agent Jones showed her a picture of his newborn baby girl, then got up to grab a coffee from the vending machine.

A woman was already waiting for her coffee, and smiled at Feyre as she grabbed her cup.

“You’re miss Archeron, right?”

Startled, Feyre nodded. “I am, yes. How do you know my name?”

“Oh, sorry. I’m Detective Ericksen, I’m in charge of the homicide case that happened at your house.” Feyre tensed up, but the detective continued. "I talked to Knight earlier, he told me that you might be interested in getting an update on how things are going.”

“Oh. Actually I'd really appreciate that.”

“Follow me.”

Feyre glanced at Rhys and found him looking at her already. He gave her a reassuring nod, and she smiled in return before following Ericksen out of the room and to her desk, where they both took a seat. The detective opened a file and perused the inside before talking.

“First of all, I want you to know that Detective Knight lied to you that night when he talked about erasing fingerprints from the murder weapon and the body. Those prints, along with his testimony, are more than enough to charge Mr. Hart with first-degree murder.”

“Then…” She wasn’t sure she was supposed to be asking questions, but Ericksen simply looked at her, so she continued, “why haven’t you?”

“We were waiting for Knight to be pulled out of his assignment. Once we arrest Hart and his lawyer gets access to the file through discovery, we couldn’t ensure Knight’s safety, so we chose to wait a couple of months.”

Feyre nodded. She was glad Rhys’ safety seemed to have been the priority, even though she wanted Hart to go to jail for what he’d done.

“I don’t know if you can tell me this, but what about Tamlin? Will he be arrested too?”

“Mr Atwell? Probably not right away, but eventually, yes, just like Mr Hart. He’s an accessory to murder, so he’ll face charges. We don’t have much on him apart from Knight’s testimony, though.”

Tamlin would be arrested for helping in covering up Sandy's murder. She wasn’t really sure how she was supposed to feel about this. A few months ago, she would have been devastated to imagine him going to jail, but now… Now she was much more at peace with the idea. Another question came to mind, one that she was almost too afraid to ask. But she had to.

“Am I going to be charged with that too?”

Ericksen shook her head. “No. You and Knight have immunity, the thing you signed when you become an informant. We couldn’t charge you even if we wanted to.” Feyre let out a sigh of relief at that, and Ericksen chuckled. “Don’t worry, Miss Archeron. Your job as an informant was extremely valuable, and nobody is forgetting that anytime soon.”

It was a little strange to hear, the idea that what she’d done was indeed valuable, and not just something that would be a footnote on a piece of paper. Amren had made it clear that the evidence she had gathered on Tamlin’s company’s deals with Hybern Inc. would be crucial for their case, but she still had a hard time believing it.

At that moment, Rhys joined them at the desk, taking a seat beside Feyre. Ericksen acknowledged him before focusing her attention on Feyre once more.

“Actually, there was something I wanted to ask you. We’ve had a full account of the events that led to the homicide thanks to Detective Knight, so I’m fairly clear on what happened that night. But I would be interested in getting your full testimony, too. It would be very useful if we could enter you as an official witness for the case.”

“What would that entail?”

“Well, you’d have to give a statement here first, then once the case goes to trial, you will probably have to appear before the court.”

“That would mean… It would mean being there with Tamlin and Hart, wouldn’t it?”

“Not necessarily. If we deem it necessary, we could have your testimony protected so that you wouldn't have to be in open court. But it's a possibility, yes. We would have you protected, in the eventuality you'd appear in court. And they still wouldn’t know anything about your involvement in the investigation against Hybern. Those cases aren’t linked directly, so you wouldn’t be at risk for that.”

“But,” she turned to Rhys, “what about you? If you appear in court, won’t they know about your true identity?”

He shook his head. “I won’t appear in court. It’s complicated, but my statement won’t have my personal data on it.” He leaned forward, and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Feyre, you don’t have to say yes if you’re not comfortable with this. My testimony is plenty enough to get a conviction, and I don’t want you to not feel safe.”

She wanted to say yes, she wanted to feel like she could say yes in a heartbeat and not regret her decision. But the idea of seeing Tamlin again was terrifying.

“Do I have to decide right now?”

Rhys shook his head. “No, you don’t.”

“Well...” Ericksen started, but Feyre saw Rhys throw her a look, and she didn’t continue. So Feyre turned back to Ericksen.

“I just… I need some time to think about it.”

Ericksen seemed to think for a moment, before she nodded. “Of course, Miss Archeron.”

Feyre could feel that her answer wasn’t the one the Detective was hoping for, but she couldn’t give her a better one right now. Not when she thought of the bruises that were slowly turning a clear yellow on her wrists.

***

It felt strangely good to be coming back to the house after an afternoon at the precinct. Feyre already knew she loved the place, but settling down on the lounge chairs outside, with a pack of beer and a couple of pizzas, she really felt like she was coming home. Especially with the warm presence of the man seated beside her, currently busy opening a beer for her.

“You’ve been very quiet since we got home,” she started, grabbing the bottle he was handing her. “Is everything okay?”

He nodded slowly. “I’m fine. It’s just very strange to be surrounded by all those people all of a sudden. I spent years pushing all of this away, and suddenly I’m eating cake in the break room like not a day has gone by. It’s a little insane.” He handed her one of the pizza boxes, and she started eating while he kept talking. “It’s happy and sad at the same time. Jones had two kids, Martinez got a promotion,... meanwhile I’m trying to remember what it feels like to not have to lie to everybody all the time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I knew what I was getting myself into when I accepted the mission, and I’ll get over it eventually. It’s just that I’m not sure I fit in with them anymore.”

“Do you not want to go back to working as a cop?”

He shrugged. “Maybe not. I’m not sure yet, to be honest. Right now all I want is some time to get used to having a normal life again. Being able to connect with people without fearing for my life every second that goes by.”

“You connected with me.”

The words were out before she even realized what she’d said, and she felt her cheeks heat up when he looked at her.

“True. But you were easy to connect with.”

“Really? I’d have thought our meeting was a bad moment for you. What with you unknowingly telling me about a drug deal and all.”

He laughed. “It was a stressful night, I’ll give you that! But still a good memory,” he added with a soft smile, looking directly into her eyes.

“For me too.”

They went back to eating for a moment, the sun slowly sinking behind the horizon in front of them. Finally, as Feyre finished an umpteenth slice of pizza and emptied her beer, she said:

“Rhys, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Your colleagues at the police station, what do you think they think of me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, to them I’m just the ex-girlfriend of a drug dealer who’s enjoying an immunity deal to get out of murder charges.”

“Nobody thought that, Feyre.”

“How do you know?”

“Well first of all, most of them have no idea who you are. Ericksen knows because she’s the lead on the case but that’s pretty much it. And I can guarantee you that people don’t see you that way when they first meet you. You give off much too positive vibes for people to dislike you.”

”Positive vibes?”

He smirked at her, “Very positive.”

Saying that, Rhys handed her a new bottle of beer and she grabbed it, enjoying the brush of his fingers against her as their hands met for a brief second. She took a sip of the cold beer and took a second to admire the varied colors of the sunset before asking:

"And what did you think of me?"

"What?" 

"What did you think of me when you first met me?"

He stared at her for a second before turning away. "I don't know."

But she had learned how to read him over the last few months, and she knew there was more to it than he admitted. She playfully pushed his elbow to make him look at her again. "Liar! I'm sure you remember."

The colors of the sky were playing tricks on her eyes, because when he answered, she could have sworn he was blushing slightly. "I… I don't wanna say."

"Why?"

"Cause you'll make fun of me."

"No I won't." He raised an eyebrow at that blatant lie. "I won't, I promise." She couldn't hide the excited smile on her face, and she saw him look at her and bite his lip. He looked away again, but this time she could feel the shift in the air between them, and she knew he was going to tell her, so she laid back on her chair and waited. He had been staring at the sky for a good while when his answer came.

"I thought you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen."

She felt her heart starting to race at the answer she hadn't been expecting, but could feel was honest. She wanted to think about how to answer him, but nothing seemed to come to her mind as she looked at him and took him in, a faint smile on his lips as he sipped his beer, his eyes lost in the sky, or maybe lost in the memory of a party so many months ago, on the other side of the river. She wanted to answer, and yet she couldn't seem to be able to form coherent thoughts at the sight of him. But he wasn't done.

"You were leaning on the rail of the garden, in a gorgeous green summer dress, even though the weather wasn't anywhere near good enough for that, and you were so beautiful. But what really got to me was the expression on your face. You were staring at the Rainbow like… like it was a painting, like you were in an art gallery and you were watching a masterpiece in front of you. Your hands were fidgeting around your glass of champagne but you didn't seem to realize it, you were just lost in the landscape in front of you. And you were so beautiful."

For all that she tried, she couldn’t look away from him. And suddenly, she felt an urgency inside her, an irrepressible need to tell him what she had kept from him until now.

“It was you.”

He turned to her, his eyes still lost for a second before he focused on her. “What?”

“When I left Tamlin, it was because of a painting I made. A painting of the night of the party. I painted the river, and the starry sky, and the Rainbow, and… and you. That's why he was so angry. That's why he came to see you when he was looking for me.”

On any other day, she would have expected her confession to make him smirk and tease her, but not tonight. Tonight, she knew he wasn’t going to act that way. She could feel the change in the atmosphere around them. It terrified her. She didn’t want it to stop.

He looked at her, set his beer on the ground between them and slowly moved his hand to hers, interlacing their fingers.

“What happened to that painting?”

“He destroyed it,” she answered in a calm voice, despite the turmoil of emotions that had taken over her body.

His smile faded away. “It’s a shame, I would have liked to see it.”

She was staring at his eyes, at his lips, at their hands linked together so naturally. And she felt guilty. She released his fingers and turned away, looking at the sunset again, not wanting to meet his eyes for fear of losing control. But she could still feel him staring at her.

Finally, he turned back to the view and said in a taunting voice she knew all too well:

“If you ever want to paint me agan, Darling, I’m all yours.”

She rolled her eyes, slapped him lightly on the arm and mumbled an “insufferable” under her breath. But she was grateful to see him go back to a familiar terrain between them. They kept talking as the stars settled around them, the conversation flowing easily between them.

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#feysand #acotar #my writing #staying afloat

[harperbrynne]

Amren: I do not remember the name I was given. I used Amren because—it’s a long story.

Me: Like a story worthy of its own book? I think so…

#amren book #I really want to know why she chose amren #and I need more amren and varian content #amren #varian #amren x varian #amrenofvelaris #amren acotar #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #a court of wings and ruin #nesta archeron #elain archeron #feyre archeron #cassian #azriel #rhysand #inner circle #night court #summer court #velaris #court of dreams #the prison acotar #a court of thorns and roses #a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury #a court of frost and starlight

[xreaderbooks]

Two sides (2)

Pair: ACOTAR Azriel x reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Language, implied smut

Summary: Y/N has been in love with Cassian for centuries now, Just how Azriel has been with Mor. Both heartbroken by their unrequited love they fall into a routine of 'one-night stands', Not realizing their each others mate.

Masterlist - Part 1

A/N: So I dont know how accurate the mate information is, like I said before I haven’t read the ACOTAR series since 2019 so I probably got a couple things wrong or didn’t write the characters the way you would expect them to act. I chose to make them more how they would be in head canons if you get what I mean. Either way I really hope you enjoyed the 2nd and final part to Two sides :) Feel free to send requests for Azriel or any other Acotar characters. Thank you all for the support <3

"We need to talk."

"Okay," Azriel says skeptically, he walks over to sit on the chair across from you.

"I wanted to apologize for the other night," You shifted in your seat as you spoke, you were noticeably uncomfortable. That bothered Azriel, he wanted you to feel natural not forced, he didn't know where that desire came from but it was true. Even if this conversation was a bit awkward. "I never meant to make you feel used, I guess, I just needed a distraction."

"From seeing Cassian and Nesta together?" He asked. You bit your lip and nodded. "Y/N, I didn't feel used." He let out a small chuckle. "I enjoyed it, actually. And a bit flattered that you chose to-" He coughed awkwardly, "share that part of yourself with me." You grinned. You eased up a bit after knowing that Azriel didn't feel bad about what happened the other night, and even enjoyed it. It also warmed your heart at the fact that this was one of the rare moments that he felt comfortable enough to talk about how he was feeling. Despite it probably being out of sympathy or to defuse the tension.

"Oh," You chirped "well good. The last thing I wanted to do was fuck up our friendship."

He shook his head, "Y/N you've done a lot in the past few centuries that could've fucked up this friendship and we're still okay, better than okay considering. Besides Mor and I are still friends even after..." He tensed up, you went over to him and hesitantly put your hand on top of his.

"I know." You gave him a small smile. "I have an idea, I'll admit it's not my brightest but it will benefit the both of us."

His eyebrow quirked, "Your ideas are never the brightest, that's why you're just my second."

"Okay, wow." You blinked, removing your hand, and started pacing around the room. "First Rhys made me your second because I'm good at my job and you're just better cause of your shadows." He glared at you when you made the comment about his shadows. "Two, I've had a couple of good ideas in the past you just never go through with them."

"Maybe it's because all your ideas are reckless and we'd get caught if we did our job by using your so-called good ideas." He got up to meet you when you turned around to face the other way, you were met by his chest in your way.

You huffed when you looked up at him. "Whatever, I'm pretty sure you were going to like this one." He gave a nod to continue. "I- you know what I think it's better if I just show you."

He cocked his head to the side. You took this as an opportunity to grab him by the back of his neck and slammed your lips onto his. Immediately after he put his hands on your waist, pulling you closer. He started walking backward, leading you towards one of the bedrooms. Your foreheads pressed together but you paused from kissing him, catching your breath. You knew he could hear your heartbeat, beating quicker by the second, his heart was beating faster too. It gave you all the encouragement you needed to start taking off your clothes.

"So this was your bright idea," Azriel asked, while also hurriedly taking off his clothes.

"Mhm." Was your response before nodding and relocating your lips onto his.

The intensity of it made your heart stutter. You wanted him and at that moment he wanted you. He truly wanted you, you both felt it and took that feeling, using it to fuel the passion in that kiss. He moved down to your neck, nipping and biting at it. You moved your hand to slowly graze his wings, which made him freeze. Azriel gave you a look that made your body go on overdrive.

He picked you up, you wrapped your legs around his waist as he continued to "eat your neck" as Cassian had said all those days before. You rolled your eyes at the thought, but then they rolled back as Azriel bit at a sensitive area that intensified that already intoxicating feeling you got when you were with him.

And you wished it never ended.

~~~

"How do you feel about this?" You asked, hoping he'd be okay with it. So far he hadn't opposed.

"I don't want to hurt you." He confessed. You knew he meant physically, he could be a little rough sometimes. You were okay with that though, You rolled your eyes at his comment.

"I'm serious Y/N." He looked you in the eye. You were back at the training grounds of the Illyrian camp. You didn't specify any details, so you both didn't care about speaking in public.

"I'm a big girl, I think I can handle it." You began to walk ahead of him, He grabbed your forearm and pulled you back to face him, a hint of a smile on your face. "Only if you're sure."

Your smile faded once you saw that he was genuinely concerned. "Az, you wouldn't hurt me. I trust you."

He froze and let you go. He had a hard time letting people see how he was feeling but you could tell he was struggling with letting you in and his self-deprecation.

~~~

You had kept your secret "relationship" hidden from everyone else, as much as you could. It didn't take long. They were extremely nosy and it was difficult with Mor being your best friend. She always knew when you were lying and had insisted you were acting differently. You would always blow it off and say you had a good day, telling a random story you just thought of on the spot.

Cassian had continued to tease you about your secret lover-- which only intrigued Mor even further-- you avoided the truth most of the time. You and Azriel would be extra careful when doing what you did. Sometimes even going to Inns and you would both winnow to the location.

Going through all that trouble only for Amren to find out and threaten to tell the others. She tried to blackmail you into buying her a pure diamond bracelet. As if she couldn't afford it yourself. You talked to Azriel about it and you both decided you didn't care if anyone else knew, it's only a matter of time before they found out anyway. Plus you could use the money to buy a house somewhere private in Velaris. You enjoyed the privacy and lack of teasing for as long as it lasted.

Amren didn't tell but as you predicted, everyone did find out. Some already had suspicions like Mor, Rhys, and Feyre. Amren wouldn't have known if she hadn't caught you both and Cassian never would have thought. You'd be lying if you said you weren't disappointed at him not showing any sign of jealousy. You knew he wouldn't be, being caught up with Nesta and all but you still held hope. You considered yourself a fool and would try to fuck the feelings out of you with Azriel. And most of the time it worked.

~~~

Months went by as sleeping with your best friend became your new normal. You never would have thought that you'd be one of those mysterious girls that Azriel hooked up with, ever since that night, you were the only girl. You had to admit, you liked the idea; being Azriel's only girl. But you knew that although you would be the only girl in his bed, Mor will always be on his mind. Not that you blamed him, you were still somewhat hung up on Cassian. After you can't get rid of 500+ years of feelings.

As you laid next to Azriel, who now stayed nights instead of leaving right after, You admired his tattoos, the intricate designs, you fought the urge to trace them. You did anyways but only a centimeter away from his chest so you wouldn't wake him. In the morning light that slipped through a slight gap in your curtains, It shone right on him. He looked ethereal.

You always knew he was attractive most Illyrian men were, at least if they weren't assholes most of the time. You had time now, to actually take in his beauty. You could never understand how someone so beautiful and kind could be so broken. You guessed that's why you chose him to spend your nights with, instead of some random guy. You could help him and heal him and get him to appreciate himself more.

The shadows around him became more active, it made him tense up. He was awake. You lifted your hand up to up to move the stray hair that fell onto his face. At that moment, you felt your world shift an overwhelming sensation of love and adoration consumed your body and you snatched your hand away from him. You were in pure shock.

'Holy fuck' Was the only thing going through your head.

"What's wrong?"He questioned as if he could sense your distress. His voice hoarse from just waking up.

"Nothing." You said, immediately getting up and getting dressed in whatever you had closest to you. "You should, um, You should get going. I have a lot of reports to do, I've been holding them off but Rhys has been asking me for them for the longest so I should get on it."

Azriel sat up, the bed sheet covering one leg and another part. His perfectly sculpted body in your bed, the lighting, half of his leg uncovered by the blanket. You tried to compose yourself to figure out what you would do. Hoping that he didn't pick up on how different you were acting. It was no use he probably already expected something was up.

To try to ease the tension you sat next to him, brushing the hair out of his face, dragging your fingertips down to the side of his face, and kissed his cheek. You ignored the tingles you felt as his face nuzzled into your hand. Hesitantly, you remove your hand and got up from the bed, and sat at the desk you had in your room. You pretended to read through old letters from officials.

Azriel took that as his cue to leave. He got dressed and pressed a kiss to the back of your head before he left.

He definitely knew something, that's not how your mornings usually go. You would at least spend an hour or two together either talking or enjoying each other's presence before sending each other off to your respective duties. However due to your new discovery of Azriel being your mate. You panicked. What would you do now?

~~~

Hours had passed and you hadn't left your room, choosing to focus on the reports that you did in fact, have to do. Rhys just wasn't expecting them for another week or so. Mor then busted into your room. "Knock, knock bitch."

"Uh, hello gorgeous, didn't expect a lovely visit from you today." You said sarcastically, turning your chair to face her. She dropped the shopping bags onto your floor. You lifted a brow in question.

"We're going on a trip!"

"I'm busy." You turned back around to focus on what you were writing.

"It's a fun work one." You twisted your chair around again.

"How do you mean?"

"Day court gala, bonding with people, gaining trust, and all that." She waved it off as if you didn't need to know actual information. You decided you'd ask for details from Rhysand later.

"And you went shopping." You gestured to all of the bags. "like you don't have tons of outfits you could take."

"Well of course I do. These are for you." She grinned.

"W-what?"

"Just because you're supposed to be invisible and all that, doesn't mean you have to be like that all the time." She referred to your job description, being another spy for Rhysand, relying on you being a woman to get information from people Azriel couldn't. Kind of ridiculous considering Azriel's shadows allowed him to get all the information needed but it was an easy enough job. Unlike Az, you didn't have shadows to command so you stuck to your black outfits tunics, and suits that would help you move easily. You never really dressed up, unless it was for an occasion, but you enjoyed doing it when you could. Most of the time you would be on duty or something like it so you couldn't.

This Gala gave you the perfect excuse too. You were thankful to Mor for having bought you these dresses and accessories. You were pretty sure you had worn all the dresses you had in your closet already.

"Yeah, you're right." You gave her a half-smile. Part of you wondered what Azriel's reaction would be to you in one of these revealing dresses. You shook the thought from your head. You would dress for yourself not for some male, even if that male is your mate.

You debated whether to tell Mor or not. She might be able to help you with your internal battle. Part of you was hurt about Cassian not being your mate. Another part always knew that he wasn't, and another part of you wondered how Azriel would react. Did he feel the bond snap into place? Or was it a Feyre-Rhysand situation where the bond would snap into place at another moment? Would he reject you cause you weren't Mor?

You opted to tell Mor at the day court where you would have more space and privacy from the others.

~~~

Helion's words about uniting and bonding were very heartwarming and kind, but you couldn't get past the thoughts that swarmed your mind. You took advantage of this time with everyone listening to Helions welcoming speech and sneakily made your way over to where Mor was standing. You pretended to greet her with a kiss and whispered in her ear to meet you in the room you were staying at.

"Thank the cauldron you came along, Helion was droning on and was about to make me fall asleep." She joked as she sauntered into your room. She paused her amused tone as soon as she saw your face. "You were fine like two minutes ago."

"Glad to know, I'm good at hiding it." You forced a smile. She tilted her head as if to ask you 'what's wrong', so you told her. You told her that Azriel was your mate and how it happened. You told her of your fears of rejection and confusion with your love for Cassian. It was a different love now, you felt it. There was a shift in what you felt towards Cassian and more intense feelings for Azriel. You suspected the bond but you didn't mind it. You then opened up about your insecurity about him rejecting you for her. Which she shut down, though she knew what you meant.

"Mor, Azriel loves you, like I loved Cassian. What if his love for you is stronger and he refuses to let go. We all know the only reason he never went for you is his trouble with his self-worth." Those were harsh words, but they were true. "He could easily reject me for you, knowing you don't love him in that way."

"You don't know that Y/N. And you loved Cassian, probably as much as Azriel loved me. After all this time you spent together, you truly don't think he would have changed the way he feels for me?" She grabbed your hand in hers. "You and Azriel are like two sides of the same coin, he's all dark and brooding and you, well you're the same in some ways. But you bring out the light and you can cast out all of his darkness with a simple smile."

"I don't know." You whispered. You were scared. Your feelings for Azriel already began to grow, without the bond, with it in place now it was strengthened. Your feelings for Cassian was a background noise that would soon grow into a more familial type of love.

"What should I do Mor?" You whimpered, you put your face in your hands. "I feel like a girl with a crush. This is ridiculous."

She laughed and nodded. "Yes, yes it is. On the bright side, if he doesn't know about you being mates, you could still have fun with other people."

You gave her a look. "You forget that he's my designated person to 'have fun' with."

"I didn't know you had a conversation on exclusivity." She shrugged and walked over to the cart that had alcoholic drinks, at the corner of the room.

"Technically we did when we agreed to sleep with each other when we felt like it." You reasoned.

"Hm." She mused, sipping on her drink. "I still say enjoy tonight, dance with a few males, or females, and if you two end up having sex with him again just enjoy the time you have with him."

"Thanks for the talk, Mor."

"Of course darling, by the way, I highly doubt he'll reject you. If he does he's an idiot and I'll kill him." She sent a wink your way and left you in your room to think.

~~~

Azriel watched as you swayed your hips to the beat of the music. A man who he didn't know came up from behind you, keeping up with you. That was the first of many. He felt a twinge of jealousy in his gut. He attempted to force that emotion down. He couldn't understand where that was coming from.

He was keeping watch, even though he always made sure to keep a lookout for danger to his court. Mor and Cassian tried to get him to ease up, he didn't budge. Who would pry Cassian from more liquor when he's had enough to drink if Azriel wasn't sober? He used the excuse of being the only responsible one to keep an eye on her. Y/n, Azriel thought he knew what it was to love someone because of Mor but what Azriel felt for Y/N was different. It felt raw and real and whatever it was, was growing fast. She was easy to talk to, not that he did much of that but she listened, actually listened when he did, and she didn't pry or hover as much as the others. They tend to beat around the bush when wanting to know about what was going on with him. Unlike Y/N who would take her time to make sure he felt comfortable and if, he wasn't, she would change the topic and act normal.

Y/N was a calming presence that allowed him to just be. She brought out another side of him that he thought he could never be.

That's why when he felt a change in the way he saw her dancing with a new guy than the one she was with earlier, it all made sense. She was his mate. He saw red as he practically flew to where they were. The fae males' hands that were roaming your bonds were ripped away from you and he dragged him away. Azriel pinned the man against the wall. People began to stare and talk in hushed whispers, appalled at the sight.

"Never touch my mate, again." He growled. He dug his fingers into the guy's neck.

"I-I didn't know." The man choked out.

"Well, now you do." He muttered, letting the man slump to the ground. He went over to where you were standing, eyes wide. His eyes softened while looking at you. He slowed as he got to you. "Can we talk?"

You nodded your head and began to walk toward an empty hall.

"I'm sorry if I scared you." He kept his voice low but soft. He was afraid, you would want to run away.

"You didn't." You stood there staring at him. You tried to figure him out, to no avail. His face was always stoic. "I- I thought you'd reject me and now I don't know what to do." You confessed.

"You knew?" He tried to recall if you had acted any differently. His shadows had felt the change in your demeanor and set out in whispers when you were rushing him out. He brushed it off, he should've looked more into it. The last thing he wanted to do was to make you feel unwanted or rejected.

"Since yesterday morning." You confirmed. Your anxiety consumed you, you heard of the pain that came along with being rejected by your mate. Some have died from it. Little did you know Azriel was worrying about the same exact thing. Not thinking himself worthy enough of your affection. He allowed himself the pleasure of being in bed with you, assuming it was nothing more and he couldn't get hurt you or be hurt that way. It was a release from another pain you both had the displeasure of feeling.

"I want you to know it is an honor to have you as my mate." He took a step closer.

"Really? Honestly, I thought..." You shook your head. "Nevermind."

He looked confused but let it go, if you wanted to tell him you would. "Guess this means I have to go cook you something." You let out a laugh. He smiled an actual wide beautiful smile. Azriel grabbed your face and kissed you.

It was soon interrupted by a very drunk Mor who shouted, "Finally!"

Cassian was right behind her, "Mor! I forgot where the bathroom was, can y-" He paused looking between you and Azriel. "Oooh getting freaky in the hall, that's new. Hey Y/N if he isn't hitting it right, you know where to find me." He winked at you. Azriel gave him a murderous look, putting his arm in front of you. 'So he's gonna be one of those', you thought.

You couldn't wait till the second part of the mating process.

Tags: @wildchild2707​ ,@theworthlessqueen​ ,@ciciakai​ ,@rockinginneverland​

#azriel acotar x reader #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #acotar imagines #acomaf #acowar #acosf #cassian x reader #cassian x y/n #nesta x cassian #morrigan #feyre x rhysand #rhysand #amren #velaris #shadow singer x reader #shadowsinger #azriel x reader smut #feyre archeron #feysand #acotar x reader