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writteninthegarden · 2 years

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Vacation

Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader

18+ Minors, please DNI

A/N: Trying out writing in first person, which I know can be hit or miss with fics. When I’m writing I just default to first person and edit it later. Needed a lighthearted timeout from reality, so I pulled out this WIP.

Summary: Aaron and the BAU are put on a mandated leave after the higher ups were less than pleased with the Doyle takedown. So, Reader, Aaron, and Jack head to Pennsylvania for a few days to meet and stay with Reader’s older sister, Whitney. Whitney sits Aaron down alone for a little talk. Late that night, Aaron and Reader try to discretely get it on…without waking up the whole house.

Word Count: 3,700

Warnings/Contents: NSFW (likely safe until the spicy ending), grossing Jack out with PDA, big sister has a talk with Aaron, Reader and Aaron stealthily have sex

My sister Whitney called me the next day while I was still at Aaron’s place. We were just kind of lounging around after making breakfast so I snuck into Aaron’s home office to talk to her.

“So the kids and I miss you, sis. What are the chances you might get some time off to visit?”

“You know I could probably swing that. My probationary period with the new department is up. When were you thinking?”

“Maybe later this month? You should totally bring your mysterious DILF boyfriend too.”

“Whitney! Don’t say things like that. Oh, my god. But he has Jack and travels a lot for work often with no notice.”

“Jack is of course welcome too. Max has bunk beds he’d love to share. Little sister, do I need to ask your boyfriend for you? Give him the phone. Come on.”

“Absolutely not. I’ll mention it, okay? I just can’t promise anything.”

“That’s all I ask. Say, what did you say his last name is?”

“I didn’t. You won’t find him on social media, Whit.”

“That’s totally not at all why I asked, but if it were…I suppose good to know.”

“Sure. Listen, I should go, but I’ll request some time off and ask Aaron too.”

“Great, text me when you know more. Love you!”

“Love you too! Bye.”

“Sorry guys, that was my sister calling.”

“Don’t be sorry for talking to your family, sweetie.”

“Yeah, don’t be sorry, sweeeeeetie!” Jack repeated back, cracking himself up per usual. I tried to hide my smirk. Aaron had mentioned that he didn’t want to encourage Jack to mimic.

“She asked if I can swing a trip to see her and the kids maybe next month some time.”

“That would be great. I remember you said it’s been a while since you’ve seen her.”

“She also asked if you guys would come, but I reminded her how work can be.” I sat down on the middle couch cushion since Jack had claimed my end seat.

“Babe, I do get vacation time you know.” He raised his eyebrows as he said it.

“You mean they haven’t opted you out of that by now? You never get to use it so I just didn’t want to tie up some of the only time you get away.”

“You’re not tying anything up. Please if anything you might be the push I need to actually take time away. Even I’ll admit I’m terrible at that. Besides, we’d love to meet Whitney and your niece and nephew. Right, Jack?”

“Are they babies or big kids?”

“My nephew Max is 5 and he just got bunk beds in his room if you’d like to stay with him, Jack. We can also set up a bed in another space though if you like that idea better.”

“Do I have to choose now?”

“No, not at all, honey. Think it over. We can do a video call with them too if you’d like to say hi before we get down there.”

“Sounds like we’re off to Pennsylvania! Our first trip, guys” Aaron added enthusiastically.

“We can take my car there.”

“Can I drive?” Aaron looked so hopeful.

“No.” He pouted at that. “Okay, maybe Hotchner.”

Remarkably, just a week later we were packing for our trip. I let Aaron drive my car. I think he feels restless being the passenger, so I didn’t mind. We had about a four and a half hour drive to my sister’s house. Jack fell asleep when we were a little over an hour in.

“So honestly I still can’t believe you were able to swing the time off. How did that really happen?”

“Truthfully, babe I wasn’t completely sure either until yesterday. To make a long story short, the bosses did not all approve of my team’s approach to take down the unsub who attacked Emily. We’re all going to be fine, but were notified yesterday that we are on a paid leave. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you yesterday. They dragged it out and didn’t notify me until after 5pm. Then, by the book, I had to formally notify everyone on the team individually which took some time.”

“It’s okay, hun. I was running around to finish packing. I’m glad you’re telling me now.” I patted his forearm. “How did the team take the news?”

“Eh, better than when Emily came back to help us catch the bastard. Morgan was upset that I had them all sit down with me for a grief counseling meeting. Reid also took it pretty hard.”

“Oh, crap…I didn’t realize you met with them for grief counseling. Yeah, I probably wouldn’t have been thrilled either, but that’s weird for everyone in retrospect, including you.”

“Yeah. I’d rather they’re angry at me than Emily.”

“I’m sorry if this isn’t a good time to go away. I feel kind of selfish pulling you away just to come meet my sister.”

“What? Sweetheart, there will always be something going on that makes it not the perfect time. I’m looking forward to this trip and meeting your sister. Jack’s excited. I hadn’t thought about it, but this is likely the first trip I’ve taken him somewhere more than an overnight. He’s been on some trips with Haley and Jessica, but I rarely could go or stay the whole time.”

“Wow. This is the first time the Hotchner men take a vacation?”

“I think so” he said with a chuckle. “So if anything you should feel accomplished for making that happen.” He smirked to himself. “Oh, how about this? This is the first time I packed a suitcase and did not bring a single suit.”

“What?” I brought my hand up to his forehead. “You must have a fever or something!” He moved my hand from his forehead and held it, resting his arm on the center console. He looked over at me with a smile so big that I then became the one with a fever.

“You promise you’re not bummed we’re not going to a tropical umbrella garnishing your drink destination?”

“Do I look like someone who would order that type of drink? Y/N, I promise. It’s travel that isn’t for work and I have you and the nap king here.”

“Thank you, Aar. It means a lot that we can do this.”

When we arrived I showed Aaron where he should park and then I helped Jack pack up his tablet and word search book he brought for the car ride.

“I’ll come back to grab the suitcases. I just need to find my-”

I handed Aaron his phone. He must’ve been nervous because he otherwise has his phone glued to him.

“Thanks, babe” he replied as he took it from me and slid it in his jeans pocket.

“Ahem” I jokingly said as I stepped closer to him.

He got the blatant hint and leaned over to give me a quick G rated peck on the lips.

“Ewww” Jack inserted as he shielded his eyes. Clearly he was reaching the age where things like this were gross.

Aaron liked to egg him on sometimes. “Sorry, buddy” he said as he covered Jack’s eyes with his hand. Then he leaned in for another and slightly longer kiss. He ended it by kissing my cheek a few times and audibly making sounds like, “muah.” Then he moved his hand from Jack’s eyes and ruffled his hair.

“Daddy! I could still hear you kissing!”

“One day you’ll understand, bud” Aaron said with a smirk as he held out his hand for Jack to take.

Jack hoisted his backpack on his other shoulder and took Aaron’s hand. “Not me! No way!”

As we approached the front door to my sister’s house Jack’s focus shifted. “Can I ring the bell? Please?”

“Go for it, Jack. Just press it one time, okay? They have a dog who gets really excited when someone is at the door. She’s a friendly dog though, don’t worry. She loves kisses too.”

“Arghh” Jack groaned.

Jack had barely rang the bell when the door opened and I saw my sister.

“Hi! Come on in, you guys! I’m so excited you’re here!”

I’d warned Aaron that Whitney was high energy, but I’m sure this confirmed it.

“Whitney, this is Aaron, my boyfriend, and his son, Jack. Guys, this is my big sister Whitney.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Whitney. Y/N has told us great things and fun stories from your adventures. Thank you so much for having us.”

“Of course. I was just delighted when Y/N said you all could come visit. Which reminds me, thank you Aaron because I’m sure you helped convince my little sis. Here, let me show you where you can put your bags. Y/N, I know you did not travel this light. Can I help with the other bags?”

“No, but thank you” Aaron jumped in. “I’ll run down and grab them.”

For a brief moment, Aaron had his back to us, which was when Whitney decided to silently mouth “he’s so hot!” and gave me a thumbs up. I gave her my signature sibling glare in reply.

“Say, if you guys want we can go hang out by the pool. Max is swimming with a friend. Zoe is begrudgingly keeping an eye on them until I come back.”

“Where is your four legged fur baby?”

“Out for a run with Danny. That’s new for both of them, but he thought it might calm her down a little.”

“Gotcha. I was just telling Jack about her as we walked up.”

I had taken Jack and Max with me to the store and bribed them with the promise of picking out the ice cream we’d buy.

What I didn’t realize was with my niece at dance practice that left Aaron alone to be interrogated by Whitney most likely.

Back at the house

“Aaron, do you mind if we sit down and chat?”

“Not at all. Let’s have the chat.”

“Hmm, you expected this?” Whitney sat down in the patio chair across from Aaron.

“I thought it might come up. I’m the oldest child too. Fire away.”

“Okay…I’ll start with an easy one then. Do you have many siblings?”

“Just one younger brother, Sean.”

“Are you two close?”

“Unfortunately, no. We’ve grown apart as adults.” Aaron looked at Whitney, but his gaze revealed his mind was somewhere distant.

“That’s a shame. I’m assuming you know Y/N and I are very close.”

“Yes, I can tell from the way she talks about you, the kids, and growing up.” He smiled and did his best to not let it appear forced.

“So I know her very well and can tell of course she loves you…possibly loves your son more at times, but you two are neck and neck. I’d be a bad big sis if I didn’t vet you.”

Aaron chuckled. “Yes, she’s been absolutely amazing with Jack and he adores her too. To be completely candid, the number of terrible things that happened over the past year felt at times like a bad horror movie that never seemed to end. I know it was not easy for Y/N to navigate any of that, especially as you’re newly dating someone and trying to figure out where you stand in it all. I’m incredibly lucky to have her in my life.”

“Do you understand that now? Are you done breaking up with her when you’re leaving town?” She folded her arms across her chest.

“Yes. Whitney, I love your sister very much.”

“I believe you. I’m still going to shoot it straight with you” she said as she leaned back, relaxing the slightest bit.

“Of course.”

“Aaron, I can’t even imagine the hell you’ve been through and I want you to know I understand that was all out of your control. What’s in your control is what you decide to put my sister through in the midst of all that. She is committed to you and Jack and we both know she’s all in. She has shown you she’s willing to ride out the craziest of times with you. You need to either let her in completely or cut her loose. It’s not fair to let her go through it all only to be frozen out afterwards.”

“You’re absolutely right.”

“She’s so in love with you that she’s instantly drawn back whenever you’re back in her orbit. She’s a great partner and deserves to get back that same level of support. She could be happy with someone else, but she doesn’t seem to want to be if you’re not there. I don’t mean that to sound like an ultimatum.”

“It doesn’t. I’m far from perfect and Y/N knows that I can be incredibly dumb when it comes to dating. Now I know what it’s like to worry that I’ve lost her. I don’t want to feel that again.”

“And you don’t want her to feel that again either?”

“No, I don’t. I’ve hurt her. In the moment I thought I was doing what was best, but now in hindsight I see the damage I caused.”

“Good. This is helpful for me to hear your input. I won’t lie to you, Aaron. From the sound of it, I thought you were just another asshole playing games. I’m realizing I may have been wrong. Usually I hate being wrong, but this time obviously is a little different.”

“I can respect that initial impression. No one likes being wrong, but here’s hoping I can continue to prove that first impression wrong.” Aaron raised his glass of iced tea as a toast.

“Cheers” Whitney replied as she brought her glass to meet his. “Can I ask you one more thing and then I’ll stop the interrogation?”

“Go right ahead.”

“Please tell me what she’s like at work. I’ve waited years to get stories, but no luck!”

Aaron smirked and lightly laughed. “She’s a force to be reckoned with I imagine. Sadly, our teams typically don’t overlap so we haven’t worked a case together.”

“Darn. Can you find a white-collar criminal who also is a serial killer so we can make that happen? Kidding of course. I think they just pulled in the driveway. When my sister asks, feel free to keep her guessing what we talked about. Can’t keep it going too long or she’ll get worked up, but definitely have some fun with it.”

They both laughed as they walked outside to help with the groceries.

After dinner I got Aaron alone for a few minutes out on the patio while the kids played a racing game on Max’s X-Box. He sat down and pulled me into his lap, planting a kiss on my cheek as we settled in.

“Aaron, I’m so sorry if you got stuck with ‘the talk’ earlier. I didn’t realize you were in the danger zone until we were in the store and pieced it together.”

He chuckled. “It was fine, babe. Don’t even worry for a second. Whitney is a great big sister to you.”

“Do I want to know what she asked you?”

“No, probably not. It could get awkward if you knew she reminded me you’re waiting until marriage to have sex.”

“You’re messing with me, aren’t you?”

“Sorry, you just set me up perfectly.” He grinned at me and if his dimpled smile wasn’t so cute he’d be in trouble.

“That’s great. Keep it up, Hotchner” I lowered my voice to a whisper right by his ear “and you’ll be the one waiting until…a long time to have sex.”

“Were you going to say I’d be waiting until marriage?”

“I was, but then I caught myself to try and avoid this awkwardness.”

“Why is it awkward?”

“I don’t know. I guess because you’ve already done the marriage thing so it didn’t really make sense.”

“Are you hoping you’ll do the marriage thing some day?”

“Yes.”

“Then it’s not awkward. Baby, you don’t have to pretend you have no interest in things like getting married just because I’ve done it before.”

“Okay.”

“I’d be open to it, you know. If I met the right person that is of course” he said as he raised his eyebrows. He leaned over to kiss me, but kept it a PG kiss knowing we could have an audience.

“Of course. We can’t marry you off to just anyone. Rossi would never have such a thing.”

He laughed at that. “That’s funny and likely very true. I love you, baby.” He squeezed me to pull me in closer.

“I love you too, handsome…even though baby is not your pet name to use.”

“Ah, but that’s part of why I love you…because you’ll share it with me.”

“And what if I refuse?”

Just then I felt a light smack on my ass. “That’s what.”

“I’m afraid I’ll have to keep refusing in that case” I whispered.

“Suite yourself.” He moved in for another kiss, but I intercepted him and tapped my index finger against his lips.

“Hey, did Whitney go over the sleeping arrangements with you?”

“No, but Jack seems on board to stay with Max.”

“Oh, I meant for where she’d like you to sleep. I’m sorry, but she’s just kind of old fashioned.”

“Ah, she didn’t, but that’s not a problem” he said, ever the gentleman. “Just show me where to go.”

“I definitely will. You’ll just have to be extremely quiet.”

“What do you mean? Is everyone trying to sleep already?”

I couldn’t contain the smile that spread across my face.

“Are you screwing with me now?”

“Turnabout is fair play, baby.”

Later that night I climbed in bed next to Aaron who seemed to be engrossed in something on his phone.

“Work stuff or are you stuck on a candy crush level?”

“I’m just forwarding emails to Dave. Sorry, babe. That should be the extent of it. Ironically enough, the person who seemed all too delighted to inform me of the mandated leave now wants our help.”

“Aaron, it’s okay. You said Dave has covered for you before, so I’m sure he knows the drill, but if keeping an eye, a limited eye, on your email helps you to feel more comfortable with being away I’m fine with that.”

“You mean that?”

“Yes. How else will I ease you into being okay with taking time off more down the line?”

“So your approach to getting me to turn work off on vacation is being cool about me not turning work off on vacation…”

“Exactly. That and offering you other engaging activities…” Let’s just say I could tell that got his attention.

“Sorry. I know this isn’t the time or place. Just ignore it.”

“I mean…we could if we’re extremely quiet and careful. Also, sorry but I don’t want to ignore it.” I ran my hand down his t-shirt covered chest and continued down beneath the comforter to palm his erection.

He tried to shift me beneath him, but I stopped him.

“Absolutely not.” I whispered softly. He gave me such a confused look. “The mattress is way too squeaky. Get up and stand by the foot of the bed.”

“Okay. Wait, does that door lock?”

“No, but that’s why I moved my suitcase in front of it.”

“Crafty woman.”

“Take your shirt off. You don’t have to wear that to bed.”

“Hmm, bossy. I figured I’d sleep in clothes in case I need to get up for the bathroom and be out in the hall.”

“Makes sense, but right now I need you naked.” I untied his sweatpants and slid them down his legs. “Okay, the floor won’t creak over here. You’ll have to take me from behind.”

“No. Come here.” He whispered before pulling me into him to kiss me. “You’re getting awfully demanding. Now I’m going to fuck you and I’ll keep it quiet…but I’m doing it my way. I’m going to lift you up. Don’t squeal when I do.”

I nodded and wrapped my legs around his waist when he lifted me up.

“That’s my good girl. You can stay quiet, right? Are you ready?”

I nodded again and crashed my lips down on his. My hands ran all through his hair, desperate to grasp on to something. I knew we’d have to be quick so I figured some motivation couldn’t hurt.

“Aaron, I love you so much.” I whispered right in his ear. “Fuck me hard with that big cock. It’s all I thought about all night.”

That definitely helped. I didn’t expect him to be able to hold me up, but he did. The whole thing was so damn hot too. He came pretty fast and this was one of the few times I wished we had a condom just for the easier clean up. We made it work with tissues and I made a mental note to covertly dump that trash can tomorrow.

After he cleaned up, Aaron pulled his sweatpants back on. He searched around the room for his t-shirt until he saw me in it sitting on the bed.

“I should’ve known.”

“Oh, did you need this? I told you that you don’t have to overdress for bed.”

He started to climb on the bed and move towards me. He moved his forefinger over his lips to remind me to be quiet. I guess he knew me well enough to know I could be jumpy and startle.

He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me down alongside him to cuddle.

“So I have no shirt on and you only have my shirt on. I’m just going to have to keep you close tonight.”

“I can live with that.” I turned in his arms so I could see his face and also so I could cuddle into his warm chest. “I feel like a high schooler who just snuck her boyfriend in her room. You know, I kind of wish I knew you then.”

“No you don’t. I was such a punk.”

“Aaron Hotchner the rule breaker. Who would’ve thought?”

“I know. Let’s get some sleep before we break any other rules tonight.”

~Next part to follow~

Taglist: @itsmytimetoodream @rousethemouse

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch x you #Criminal Minds #hotch #criminal minds fanfiction

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harryspet · 4 years

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caged bird | s.rogers, p.parker & b.barnes

[Warnings] dark!steve rogers x reader, dark!peter parker x reader, dark!bucky barnes x reader, polyamory, prison au, noncon/dubcon sex, this plot scenario is very unrealistic but oh well, reader makes a deal so she can survive, hella manipulation, dominants/submissive, oral sex (male recieving), hella angst, shower sex, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

A/N: this is like a really f’d up situation so enjoy :):):) i also wrote this over the span of two weeks so i’m sorry if the pacing is weird and (also x2) this is nowhere near canon

In which you have to make a deal with three devils in order to survive in The Cage.

word count: 4.8k

main masterlist

Your eyelids were heavy though the bright light outside the bus was forcing you awake. Your limbs shackled to the seat, it reminded you that you had lost your freedom so quickly and that you’d probably never have a good night of sleep ever again, “How long?” Your mouth was dry, the heat from the wasteland you were driving through crept through the window.

“Twenty minutes, princess,” Officer Rumlow looked you over for the millionth time like you were fresh meat ready for the slaughter. His perceptions weren’t far off and that’s what scared you the most. You weren’t cut out for a place like the Cage.

A week ago you thought this place was fictional, a nightmare tale that was used to scare the new employees. It was still a nightmare but you were now living in it. You thought your heart might explode out of your chest as the facility finally came into view. Five stories of complete concrete surrounded by two, hundred-foot fences and surrounded by a barren wasteland.

You were the only one on the bus. The Cage rarely received new inmates due to the nature of crimes that the prison was built for. Vigilantes and government traitors. Many used to consider them heroes but they were unregulated and dangerous. That's how they ended up here and, your boss, Alexander Pierce had sold you out to save himself.

“When … W-When am I going to get my phone call?” You asked as the bus entered the gates of the prison, finally stopping at the processing center.

Rumlow chuckled, walking over to unchain your shackles from the floor of the bus, “Who are you going to call, princess? Mommy and Daddy?” He grabbed you roughly by your upper arm, pulling you out of your seat and dragging you down the steps of the bus.

You refused to accept that you had been erased. Your parents probably thought you were only missing, not that you had been wrongly accused of betraying the government and had been thrown into the most dangerous prison in the country.

“They can’t do this,” You winced as your arm stung, “No trial. No jury. T-This is illegal!”

Rumlow ignored you, and you had to pick up your pace in order to not fall down. Your eyes wandered around, the sun nearly blinding you and stinging your skin at the same time. You noticed in the distance a group of male inmates standing behind a wired fence, wearing the same navy jumpsuit as you, and even from far away, you could see cold and hungry glances.

You thought you were lucky for a minute since you were a woman but then you remembered what kind of women probably lived here. As you were brought inside, past several guards, through metal detectors and pat-downs.

When you got to the body cavity search, you expected to part way with Rumlow. Standing in a small, cold room, Rumlow stood in the doorway with his hands casually in the pockets of his pants, “Undress, inmate,” Your eyes widened and you quickly crossed your arms, “Slowly, if you don’t mind.”

“I-I do mind,” You said quickly, “I’m supposed to have a female officer-”

“You don’t get those kinds of privileges in the Cage. We don’t separate inmates by gender,” You shook your head as your eyebrows began to furrow.

“That’s insane-”

“Undress, inmate,” He said more sternly this time, “Or would you like me to do it for you? You’re lucky I don’t make you put on a show for the rest of the guards.”

You shook your head again, tears starting to form in your tired eyes, “Please don’t-” You tried to plead with him but, as you did, you watched him reach for his baton, “Okay, okay!”

Rumlow smiled a wicked smile, “Good. Bend over and cough, inmate. Let me see that cute, little ass of yours.”

When you finally got to see a female officer, she was escorting you to your cell. In your hands, you held the rest of your life which included one more set of clothes, bedding, and a toothbrush. You had to eat what the prison provided and you could only earn extra commissary from working. Hela tried to explain everything to you but you were only latching onto every other world.

You walked along a slim passageway which had cells to the right and a metal railing to the left. There were three floors of cells and they seemed to go all the way around in a circle. Passed the railing and in the middle of the dome was where it seemed most of the inmates were gathered.

The shouting, laughing, and fighting echoed through the dome and you couldn’t help but think those calls were for you. You could barely carry your bag of things and walk straight without stumbling. If they couldn’t send your weakness from your appearance then they’d surely sniff it out soon.

“This can’t be allowed,” You whispered to Officer Hela, though her dark hair mixed with the look of death in her eyes didn’t scream “empathy” to you, “There has to be some sort of rule-”

She stopped in front of an empty, six by eight-foot cell which told you that this would be your new home, “You can sit in solitary if you like,” She spoke coldly, “Your meals get brought to you and you don’t have to deal with the animals in here but there’s no time outside. It’s easy to lose track of the days and forget which voices are real and which ones are inside your head. If you prefer to go insane before you die then I’d recommend that route.”

There wasn’t much of a choice to make and you found your feet moving before your brain could register. You stepped inside the cell, setting down your things on the bottom bunk, “A girl like you is going to need to latch onto a group, pledge your allegiance, and do not let them question your loyalty. They live by a different code here and following it is life or death, do you understand?”

You slowly nodded as you listened and part of you was grateful that she wasn’t completely cold, “T-Thank you-”

She scoffed, “Such a precious little thing … I give you a week,” With that, she turned on her heel and you felt hopeless once again, “I’ll escort you to dinner-”

You shook your head, “I’m not hungry.” You were actually starving but you could not yet face the beast.

She only shrugged and pulled the door closed. The light above you flickered and you stared back down at your bunk. You were holding back your tears as you tried to make up your bed. Staring at the flimsy mattress material only made you more depressed so you decided just to lay down. Facing the wall, your tired eyes roamed over what was scribbled on the walls.

S.H.I.E.L.D. is evil.

S.H.I.E.L.D. is corrupt.

You hated that the words initially sent a wave of anger through you. You hated that you still felt loyal to that group of monsters. You were a low level worker with good standing and they had just sent you to die?

With your face tucked into your arm, you cried yourself to sleep.

The next day you had no choice but to face your fears. You couldn’t go any longer without food and, in a place like this, you needed to keep your energy up. Before the sun was even out, you heard the mechanical click of the cell door. Your favorite officer, Rumlow, made sure to stop by your cell during roll call.

“So you decided on general population,” He popped the gum he was chewing, looking you over, “I’m sad to hear it, I was gonna visit you every day in solitary but I guess we’ll get some alone time soon enough.”

You scowled at him and a shiver went through you as he continued pass your cell. You were now grateful that you had chosen general population.

That feeling didn’t last as inmates started moving from their cells down to breakfast. You stayed back, waiting to slip out of your cell when the crowd had passed. You lingered in the back of the line but no one seemed to notice you until you were in the kitchen line. The first reaction was a quiet murmur that went through the group of (mostly) men at the sight of you.

You didn’t quite match anyone's stature, not even the women. At least they looked like they could take care of themselves. You were sure that your face probably had dark circles and sunken in features. You looked down when you felt someone's eyes on you and you cringed at every word whispered about you.

“If I could just get my hands on her …”

“I wonder what a little girl like that could’ve done to get in here.”

“I’d be real gentle with her …” “I wouldn’t … I’d make her scream …”

“Move along,” Hela barked at the inmates in the line. You tried to tune them out as a staff member handed you your tray of food. A stale piece of toast, plastic-looking eggs, peaches, and what looked like could be oatmeal.

It was when you turned away that you felt a pinch on your bottom. You turned around quickly only to find yourself staring at a chest rather than a face. As you looked up, a man with long, dark black hair stared down at you, “Aren’t you adorable?”

“I said move along, inmates,” You looked towards Hela for some sort of help but didn’t receive any.

When you looked back again, the man had disappeared. You shook it off, figuring that was the least of what you were about to experience today. As you stepped out into the middle of the dome, you remembered the advice that Hela had managed to give you.

There were cliques formed at each circular, metal table and you looked each one over as you walked past them. Again, people stared and said vile things but you spotted a table where two women were sitting. They were much older than you but the look you got from them was not maternal in the least.

“Can I… sit here?” You knew the answer based on their thin-lipped scowls.

You weren’t like any of them … you were fragile. Besides that, you used to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. and the organization was responsible for locking half of these people away. You kept walking, eventually finding an empty table to sit at.

All you could think about now was eating. You picked at your tray with your plastic fork, and with each bite of the food you cringed. The toast was also completely rock hard, “It helps if you dip it in water,” Your head snapped up as you felt a shadow over you before someone took a seat beside you.

You weren’t expecting someone so young and you certainly weren’t expecting a friendly smile. You stared at the handsome man with your mouth agape. You hadn’t realized what he meant until you looked back down at the bread in your hands, “Oh … I doubt anything would make this edible-”

He ran his hand through his light brown hair, before reaching into the pocket of his jumpsuit. On the table in front of you, he placed a twinkie. The entire room seemed to go quiet for a moment and you realized that everyone was watching the two of you.

“I can’t accept this …”

“Of course you can, it’s no big deal,” His brown eyes pierced into yours as he shrugged, “I’m Peter.”

The sugary, process food was calling your name but you still weren’t sure what his deal was, “T-Thank you,” Not wanting to come off rude, you accepted it, unknowingly beginning to seal your fate, “I’m … I’m-”

“Y/N Y/LN,” He finished for you which left your eyes wide with shock, “You’re already famous. The guards like to gossip and it’s rare we get new inmates so people get curious.”

“Oh,” You shifted uncomfortably in your seat.

“Don’t worry, some people in here care about your charges, how you got here, but not me,” He tried to reassure you, a smile tugging at his lips, “S.H.I.E.L.D. screwed us all and I don’t think there’s a point in playing who’s the better bad guy.”

You looked around. Now that you knew that people knew your charges and your history, you were starting to feel unsettled. The only thing keeping you grounded was him reassuring you that he didn’t care, “How long-” Your voice came out in a whisper, “How long have you been here?”

Peter took a breath as he thought for a moment, “Few years. Now I kinda forget that I was a normal teenager when this all started.”

Years. And he was a teenager when they brought him here? Did they have no limits to their cruelty?

“God,” You breathed out, overwhelmed, “I don’t think I can … do this-”

Peter reached out, placing a calm hand on your arm, “Hey, hey, you have to survive here. Whether you were meant to be here or not, you have to live like this is your reality. Looking like you’re about to vomit is not a good look to everyone else. I saw Loki over there … he’s an asshole touching you like that but it’s because he’s already sniffed you out.”

You nodded, trying to stay calm, “But I don’t know how to look … to look less weak.”

“For one, you’re going to have to start eating more and building some muscle,” You could tell by his grip on your arm that he was quite strong, “And the next time someone disrespects you, you have to stand up for yourself. You also can’t just bark like a little chihuahua. Maybe you could pick someone out, someone that you could win in a fight against.”

As Peter started to scan the room, you immediately started shaking your hand, “I can’t just attack someone,” You whisper-shouted, your eyes wide with worry.

Peter chuckled, “Not with that attitude. Maybe you could go for Heather over there,” He eyed a woman who was practically elderly, “She has a cane so even you could probably overpower though I’ve seen here use the thing as a weapon a few times-”

“Peter,” You spoke sharply, “There has to be another way.”

Peter looked into your eyes and you lost hope for a moment until he seemed to perk up, “I have some friends, we kind of run together in this place, looking out for each other,” Peter explained and you listened intently, hoping for a means of survival that didn’t require attacking an old lady, “I could probably convince them to start looking out for you too. But it won’t be easy, we take loyalty very seriously here, and it wouldn’t be without a cost to you.”

“What sort of cost?”

Peter shrugged, “Could be lots of things. They serve plums on Friday and Bucky loves those so maybe you’d show your support to the group by giving him yours. Something like that,” You followed Peter’s finger as he pointed two men out, one with dark hair and the other with light. Both were built like bodybuilders, “Steve’s a respected leader here and maybe you could help run messages for him.”

You nodded, “T-That sounds fair,” You paused for a moment as the men eyed you, “And for the twinkie? What do you want?”

“Now you’re starting to get it,” Peter grinned, “Eat it and that means you accept our claim. You’re one of us.”

“Can’t I have time to think about it?”

Peter seemed to hesitate for the first time, “I’m sure you won’t get a better offer,” Your face fell, “But sure. I’d be quick about it though. Those big, doe eyes aren’t going to work on everybody.”

The dark-haired one was following you. Loki, Peter called him, hadn’t taken his eyes off you ever since you parted ways with Peter yesterday. He and his greek god, blonde friend were now walking behind you as you made your way through the halls. They were pushing mop buckets, evidently taking a break from their cleaning duty.

You had gotten lost trying to find the hospital wing and now you were paying the consequences.

“Little bird … caged and unprotected,” He taunted you and your heartbeat quickened as you tried to keep from looking back, “Not even the guards want to save her. Poor thing.”

“It seems she’s in need of protecting, brother.”

“Protecting? If I got my hands on her, the last thing I’d think of is being gentle-”

You turned into the first room you passed, expecting to find somewhere to hide but you only seemed to encounter more people. It was the TV room, a staticy old television airing a baseball game was hanging in the corner of the room, and a bunch of men were sitting at different tables.

They all turned their heads to you as you interrupted and you immediately recognized the two men from Peter’s loyal “group”. Bucky and Steve. Your heart was out of your chest at the point and you found yourself whispering a “sorry” before turning back towards the door. Loki and his brother, however, were waiting patiently.

Loki leaned in the doorway, eyeing you like you were fresh meat.

“Is this jackass bothering you, hon?” Your eyes wide with fear, you quickly realized that it wasn’t Loki taunting you. The dark-haired man’s, you remembered Peter calling him Bucky, voice boomed through the room.

You froze.

“Don’t you have toilets to scrub, Laufeyson?” The light hair man with a thick beard spoke, and by the look on his face you could tell he was a man of power. Not so much power-hungry but someone that demanded respect and often received it.

Loki scoffed, looking over you again, “As far as I know, this one is free territory.”

“Well, this room is my territory and guess where she happens to be standing,” Loki’s jaw clenched at Steve’s words.

“C’mere, hon,” Bucky spoke to you, signaling to cross the room. She hesitated but only for a moment as you realized your choices were Peter’s friends or letting Loki, have you. You crossed the room cautiously towards them, everyone now looking at you. You paused awkwardly in front of the table but a small yelp left your lip as Bucky grabbed you by the arm, spinning you into his lap.

“See,” Steve said as you uncomfortably tried your best not to squirm, “Don’t touch things that aren’t yours, Laufeyson.”

You felt a hand clench your thigh and cringed.

“Aye, aye, Captain.”

As soon as Loki stormed away, you stood up, brushing whatever wrinkles had formed in your jumpsuit. Amused, Bucky smiled at you, “You could at least thank us,” Bucky leaned forward and you tried not to scowl.

“Thank you,” You whispered.

“Good girl,” Bucky smirked.

“Lang, get Y/N a chair,” Steve ordered another man in the room. He was quick to obey the command and, even though you were in a new place, you felt you’d been transported into an entirely new planet.

“You don’t have to-”

“Sit,” Steve said as the chair was placed beside you, “You can leave when you give us an answer to the offer Peter mentioned yesterday.”

You had thought long and hard about Peter’s offer and decided last night that you wanted to reject it. It wasn’t until now that you realized your decision was a mistake. There was no telling when you’d be getting out of this place, Peter had been here for years, and it seemed you were already a target.

You’d even heard a rumor that the guards placed bets on how long you’d survive in here.

“Yes …” You nodded your head, “That’s my answer.”

Steve's lips pulled into a small grin as he eyed his friend across the table, “Good choice, doll.”

A week later and you were still alive and relatively untouched. Bucky was quite handsy but Peter reminded you that it was just protocol. Everyone had to know that you were a part of their group and that, if you were harmed, they’d have to deal with Steve and his minions.

Like Peter said, there were quite a few sacrifices you had to make. Your new job in the kitchen allowed you to provide the group with all the food they wanted and when you weren’t working, you were running errands for Steve. You got an idea of all the inmate leaders and how they functioned as a society.

Steve seemed to be at the very top and you realized the possible consequences of crossing someone like him. Still, you felt more pampered than like you were a part of some elaborate prison gang. Most of your wishes were theirs to grant.

They let you watch whatever you wanted in the TV room. Bucky always called you pet names that you were starting to grow fond of. Steve had some pull with the guards so Rumlow was never around to bother you anymore. Peter even found you a set of paints to occupy your time in your cell. As long as you followed them around like their cute little puppy, they were quite nice to you.

“C’mon, run a lap with me. You gotta build your strength,” Peter asked you, his face sweaty and shining under the baking sun. He was shirtless, the shirtsleeves of his uniform wrapped around his waist, and his magnificent physique was on display just like Steve and Bucky’s. During rec time in the courtyard, you’d become accustomed to standing by the fence and watching them lift weights.

“I’m good, thanks,” You smiled awkwardly, “I get tired just from watching you guys.”

“Peter’s right,” Steve let out a breath as he dropped his hundred-pound dumbbell.

“I just …” Your voice trailed off as Steve eyed you with his strong gaze. You knew that what he said goes but you were growing nervous, “I don’t want to get sweaty.”

“You’re serious?” Bucky chimed in, a curious look on his face.

“Is that like a girl thing I don’t know about?” Peter flashed you an amused look and your cheeks began to heat with embarrassment.

“Y/N?” Steve could see that you were hiding something.

You crossed your arms, sighing, “I just don’t want to have to shower, okay?”

“You haven’t showered since you’ve been here?” Peter asked incredulously.

“I have!” You quickly defended yourself, “I mean, I’ve just been using the sink in my cell.”

“I see what this is about,” Bucky had a knowing look on his face, “Dollface is scared of the communal showers.”

Peter’s mouth formed the shape of an “o” as he realized what was going on. You still felt so embarrassed. It was yet another thing that made you seem totally defenseless.

“Is that true?” Steve asked and you were beginning to feel overwhelmed by their concerned gazes, “Why didn’t you tell us? Next time, one of us will keep watch for you. No one’s gonna bother you.”

Maybe it was the isolation or the fact that your life would never be the same again. Maybe it was the fact that you’d never see your family again or that you cried yourself to sleep every night. That might be the reason you felt that they genuinely cared for you and why you wanted to fully embrace the comfort that they were providing.

Maybe that was why you wanted to belong to them.

For the first time, you were reminded of your old life. You weren’t sure how long you’d lost yourself under the water, letting time get away from you, as the warm water cascaded along your skin. The showers had a sorry excuse for water pressure and, despite the creepiness of the beige tiles and flickering light above, when you closed your eyes you were in paradise.

“All clean, beautiful?” Bucky’s voice brought you out of your trance. Suddenly you were back in the square room with showerheads lining each wall. You wiped the water from your eyes before turning off the water.

“Y-Yes, I’m almost done!” You shouted back, grabbing your towel from off the hook. You pressed it to your face, drying your skin. You were quite grateful that they’d taken the extra steps to make you feel protected, “Bucky-”

As you turned around, that feeling of gratitude quickly turned to something resembling fear. He was supposed to wait for you outside the bathroom and yet, there he was, only three feet away from you.

“What are you-”

He looked over you hungrily and you pressed your towel closer to your body, “You have no idea how long it's been since I’ve been with a beautiful woman like you … Steve too. And Peter, he’s just learning the ropes.”

You took a step back, towards the wall, and as you did you caught a glimpse behind Bucky’s towering figure. Both Steve and Peter were here, stalking closer.

“You said you’d protect me…” Your voice cracked, your hands beginning to shake.

“We will,” Steve spoke, determined, “No one else but us will touch you.”

“Nothing in here is without a cost, Y/N,” Peter seemed a bit solemn like his current life was not what he wanted it to be but he was just as hungry, if not more, as Bucky.

Bucky grabbed you then, his eyes impatient, and you wrestled for your towel for only a moment before he easily snatched it away from you. A helpless squeal left your mouth as he grabbed you by the arm with one hand and placed his other hand between your legs. He grabbed your thigh tightly and as his hand moved further up, you found yourself paralyzed.

“Good girl. You’re going to take all of us,” Bucky spoke quietly, shushing you, his grip growing tighter and tighter. Before you knew it, all three of them were surrounding you, their curious hands wandering over your wet skin. Grabbing your breast, your thighs, turning your face to bite at your neck.

“Get on your knees,” Steve grunted against your ear, growing impatient like his friend.

When you didn’t move, Peter was the one to push you down onto the cold floor. You hiccuped, trying not to hyperventilate as they overwhelmed you from each side. As they all started to pull down their clothes, you made one final attempt at trying to crawl away.

Steve grabbed you by your throat, making your efforts futile, pushing your face towards his crotch. You felt it, hard and throbbing against your cheek, “Open up, don’t make this hard, doll,” Through the corner of your eye, you saw Bucky stroking his own length, waiting patiently for his turn.

Steve grabbed you by your hair next, pressing your closed lips against his tip. He forced himself in your mouth, “There you go,” Steve grunted, pushing himself deeper, “Move that tongue around.”

Steve Rogers could make your life a living hell in the Cage. Was this really the price you had to pay in order to survive here? You couldn’t imagine it being any worse than this but Steve could make that possible. That’s why you started to swirl your tongue like he said, deciding that their orgasms would end your pain.

Bucky was much rougher than Steve, pinching your nose closed and enjoying watching your eyes widen and water. He practically touched the back of your throat and still commanded you to stroke Peter and Steve’s cocks with your hands while you took him in your mouth. Somehow, you managed.

Peter was much more gentle and you were grateful for that. His hands rested softly on the back of your head, guiding your mouth slowly up and down his length, “God, this is awesome,” He cursed, his head tilting back as he enjoyed the stimulation. When he finally finished, his warmth filled your mouth and before you could spit or catch your breath, Bucky grabbed you again.

He came so far down your throat that you were forced to swallow it but, unlike him, Steve took his time, “This little mouth. Is ours. Every single hole. Is ours. No one else, do you understand?” With each sentence, he thrust hard until he filled your mouth. You leaned over, coughing as you felt the stinging of your sore throat.

You were about to collapse onto the dirty cold floor when gentle arms lifted you up into a broad chest. You found yourself not fighting, only pressing your face into Bucky’s chest as you began to sob.

Steve didn’t have to say anything more. You understand your new position and there wasn’t anyone else there to save you from that fate.

That night you learned there was a change to your cell assignment. You’d sleep in Steve’s arms, a little bird that was safe and protected in it’s cage.

hope you enjoyed!! i’m posting this instead of sleeping because I have class in this morning :)

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

Danger Days - Chapter thirteen: "Screaming infidelities"

Word count: 15,4K

Summary: It's Gubler's birthday and like the title says, someone will fuck it up.

Warnings: Cheating, cursing, angst, hurt, pain, alcohol, mention of oral sex.

A/N: Kids, I'm sorry. I didn't want to do this, but... it's done. Please don't hate me.

Masterlist

---

::: Paris, March 1st, 2011 :::

Joey stared at the ceiling of her room and sighed. She was alone. It was already midnight. She was happy she finally had a room on her own, after weeks traveling on a bus with the band. They were in Paris, and she was weary. But still, she couldn’t sleep. She stared at her phone and sighed. Matthew had said “I’ll call you back” an hour ago, and still, he hadn’t called her back. That was killing her.

She hadn’t seen her fiancé in over a month, and they were both in different time zones, which made it pretty hard to talk. She was nine hours ahead. At the moment, she was fighting to stay awake to talk to him, but he wasn’t calling her. Would it be wrong if she insisted? Matthew was working… maybe Joey should just sleep. She was weary after all, too much traveling, too many shows. That tour was fucking eternal, and she just wanted to go home.

The young woman walked to her bag, grabbed one of Matthew’s shirts, and put it on a pillow. Yes, she dressed a pillow in her boyfriend’s clothes. That’s how much she missed him. She could deal with loneliness ‘cos she was used to being alone. Still, somehow, she couldn’t deal with the loneliness that meant being far from Matthew.

- "It’s a good thing I decided to marry him then"- she said to herself as she stared at the ring on her finger.

A big part of her wanted to time travel and tell four-year-old Joey everything would be ok, that she was going to be happy after all. That she was going to manage to trust not one but two people. Her soon-to-be husband and her best friend, Mikey Way. If there was something she could cherish from being on tour with My Chem for months now, it was calling Michael James her brother.

Joey wrapped her arms around “Mattpillow” and smelled his perfume on it. Maybe it was better to text him and tell him she was gonna call earlier; it was… three in Los Angeles. If she set the alarm at six in the morning, she could catch him around nine. Yeah, that was much better.

- “Call you later. I’ll sleep a little, love you! Take care!”- she texted him.

::: Barcelona, March 5th, 2011 :::

Mikey, Ray, and Joey walked outside the arena, searching for the best sangria they could find before the show. Joey’s mom had sent them on that quest, repeating over and over again there was no way they left Spain without having tasted it. And considering it was alcohol, they didn’t argue a lot with Mrs. Sigmundsson.

- "Dude, I’m so fucking tired"- Mikey whined as he finished his hundredth cup of coffee of the day.

- "I know, I need a break from touring"- Joey said and yawned- "I wanna go home."

- "Me too"- Ray added and looked at his phone- "I miss my wife."

- "Oh, shut up!"- Mikey argued right away- "I don’t wanna go over this conversation again, you have someone you love, and you miss them. I don’t miss home, I have no one, end of the story"- Joey and Ray looked at each other and raised an eyebrow.

- "Is your underwear too tight today, or are you just being a little bitch because you want to?"- Joey asked right away, Ray chuckled, but Mikey didn’t think it was funny.

- "Shut up, Bug."

- "Not in the mood to be nice, then."

- "Nop"- that last “p” sounded like the end of it. But that wasn’t going to stop Joey.

- "Sorry, we are…"- what stopped Joey was her cellphone. Her eyes shone like diamonds when she saw Matthew’s face at the other side of the screen, waking up.

- "Yami! Good morning!"

- "Akumu!!!"- Ray and Mikey looked at her and walked a little faster to give her some privacy.

- "Is she still sleeping with the “Mattpillow”?"- Toro asked- "That shit is creepy"- and Way laughed, finally, he had been pretty serious that day. And the day before.

- "Yeah, that’s a thing. I’ve taken pictures I wanna use to blackmail her in case I ever need it."

- "Good plan"- Ray looked around. Joey was standing half a block behind, still on the phone- "Mikey, are you ok?"

- "Yeah, why?"

- "‘Cos you don’t seem to be ok at all,"- Toro felt it was his duty as a friend to tell what had been in his mind for the last couple of weeks- "Dude I’m sorry, I just… don’t think you… it’s shitty you are getting a divorce. I just don’t think you are taking it well."

- "Can you take a divorce well?"- Mikey simply replied, and that was enough to shut Ray up.

- "I’m just trying to tell you I’m here if you want to talk, and you don’t have to get so drunk every time we are out or whatever."

- "Is this an intervention? ‘Cos we had many those for Gerard back in the days. I can recognize an intervention."

- "No, Mikey! It’s not. Everybody should be here reading letters if it was"- Ray had a point- "I’m just trying to tell you, I’m here for you, man. And we can talk about anything."

- "I know, Ray… I just… don’t feel..."

- "You don’t feel like talking, I know, you haven’t talked about it, ever I guess… and I don’t feel that’s working for you. I’m scared and worried, and I’m your friend, I had to tell you."

Way and Toro stared at each other in silence for a few seconds. Mikey knew Ray was right; he had shut down from all his friends, basically for the last three months or so. Still, he didn’t feel ready to share any kind of thought or feeling with any of them.

- "Ok kids, around the block, there’s a place called “Las tapas de Pepe.” Apparently, they have a killer sangria"- Joey clapped and walked past them on her way to the bar.

- "Wait, how do you know that?"

- "Because, Raúl me enseñó muchas cosas nuevas, (Raul taught me a lot of new things)"- the two musicians looked at her frowning not getting a word, so the girl turned to them and smiled- "That guy over there, his name is Raúl. I asked for sangria, he gave me an address. Come on!"

Joey turned around again, avoiding looking sad in front of her friends. The truth was, she wasn’t doing that well about being far from Matthew. It was getting too hard. She was thinking about quitting. And every time she talked to him, she was feeling more sure about that decision. She never told him, though. She didn’t want to make him feel responsible in case she made a mistake leaving the job. She also didn’t want him to know how much influence he had on her, Joey didn’t want to lose power in his life, she didn’t want to stop being independent, but it was hard.

::: Germany, March 8th, 2011 :::

Mikey was sugar rushed, jumping around the bunks as the bus traveled from Zurich to Munich. He and Joey had bought most of the chocolates in Switzerland and ate half of them in less than two hours. They were in heaven. Sugar heaven.

- "Can you please stop it?"- Gerard yelled at them from his bunk.

- "Nope"- his younger brother answered and jumped like a kid on top of him.

- "Leave me alone! I wanna sleep!"

- "Fine. Come on, Bug, let’s get away from this loser"- his words were so childish Joey burst out laughing.

- "Get in, loser, we are going shopping"- Joey said and flipped her hair. Gerard stared at her walking away with his brother, and groaned as he covered his head with the pillow.

He was fucked.

The last month had been torture for him. Joey was now not even talking to him. Never. It felt she honestly hated him, and he knew he couldn’t ask. Lynz kept asking for her, and he was sure she suspected something was going on.

- "So, have you and the guys have fun these days?"- she had asked earlier that day when he called her before the show.

- "Fun like going out fun? No, we are too tired to move. These weeks have been killers."

- "So you are all just at the bus locked the whole time?"

- "Pretty much"

- "On each other’s faces?"

- "Yeah… I wanna kill Mikey."

- "And how’s Joey doing?"

- "Good… we haven’t talked much."

- "She hadn’t talked to you or you hadn’t?"- the singer made a pause thinking about that question, and most of all thinking what would be an intelligent answer to that.

- "We don’t share a lot"- that all he had- "I guess we don’t talk to each other"- he made a pause and lit a cigarette, walking on his own through the backstage- "Why do you ask?"

- "I don’t know, I guess you never talk about her, and I thought it might be because you have…"- Lynz made a pause to make her husband even more nervous- "A problem with her or something."

- "No, we don’t have a problem, we aren’t friends, that’s all…"

Now on the bus, Gerard closed his eyes, still hiding under the pillow, Joey’s laughter all around him, while Frank and Ray played video games. What was he going to do?

::: At the bus, close to Munich. March 9th, 2011 :::

It was Matthew’s birthday, and Joey was miserable ‘cos she couldn’t spend the day with him. But still, she set her alarm at eight am and locked herself in the back of the bus, texting him. She wanted to be the first one to sing happy birthday to him. And so she waited, looking at the clock.

She went through old pictures to kill time, watched part of a movie Mikey had left on the DVD the night before. Matthew didn’t reply to her text. And so she waited longer. Joey wanted to call him at midnight. She was nine hours ahead. Minute by minute, she waited. Until it was time. She smiled and dialed. Nothing. Again. Nothing.

- "Where the fuck are you?"- her stomach was made a knot as her brows furrowed. Third call. Matthew finally picked up the FaceTime call.

- "Yami!!!"- he yelled, wasted- "It’s a party!"- he pointed around and moved the camera of his phone like a maniac, making Joey dizzy right away. No wonder why he wasn’t picking up.

- "Happy birthday, Akumu!"

- "Hey! Hey!"- he tried to walk through a lot of people as Joey frowned, wondering where the hell her fiancée was.

- "Wild party!"- she said as soon as she noticed Gubler had locked himself in a bathroom to talk.

- "Yeah! The guys set a little surprise party for me"- he slurred and smiled- "I love you."

- "I love you too."

- "No, I love you more. Why aren’t you here?"

- "‘Cos I’m working, but I’ll be home in two weeks, so wait for me."

- "I want you here now."

- "I wish I was there."

- "Then quit"- Joey sighed. Arguing was useless; Matthew was drunk.

- "Hey! Akumu, is Paget there? Is she gonna drive you home?"

- "No, she’s not here."

- "You are not partying with your friends?"

- "Yeah, with the guys from the movie"- Joey raised an eyebrow, thinking she had no idea where Matthew was or with who.

- "Are you sure you are ok?"

- "Yeah, baby! It’s my birthday, we are gonna party like it’s my birthday!"- Joey’s heart ached at the thought of what could go wrong. But she loved and trusted her boyfriend, and she knew he would never hurt her.

- "Hey Matthew"- she said and looked straight into his eyes through the camera- "I love you."

- "I love you too."

- "I’ve got your heart here with me all the time"- she showed him her necklace, and he nodded- "There’s gonna be a present from me waiting for you when you get home."

- "Nice!"- Joey smiled, thinking it was probably Matthew wasn’t going to remember that conversation- "Listen, Yami, someone is trying to get into the bathroom."

- "That’s ok, I’ll call you later, ok dorky?"- he nodded and waved, the girl kissed the screen, but he had already hung down.

Joey hated being in Germany at the moment.

Could Gubler be an asshole and cheat? No way, Joey trusted him with her eyes wide shut. But he was hot and drunk, and she was sure there were more than just a couple of girls trying to get into his pants. If the guys were there- his friends- she wouldn’t even worry about it. But they weren’t. He was with some random people from the set she hadn’t even met.

Soon the regret of their last fight came to mind. They weren’t mad at each other, but perhaps… no, there’s no way he would be an asshole because of that stupid fight. It was a silly fight for her. Was it serious for him?

A few nights before, Matthew had gotten mad at a conversation with Joey ‘cos she didn’t want to change her last name. That’s what he picked from the conversation. She just said she didn’t think it was necessary to do so. He didn’t take it that well.

- "What’s the problem with changing your name?"

- "I’m just saying the tradition of women changing their last names after they marry it’s a bit old fashion. It makes me think women are still treated like an object that “belongs” to a man."

- "So you won’t change your last name?"- the girl frowned, staring at Matthew’s wide-opened eyes on the screen.

- "That’s not… do you want me to change it?"

- "Yes! of course, I do! you are gonna be my wife!"

- "So? If I’m still Joey Sveinbjörndottir after we marry, I won’t be your wife?"

- "That’s not what I meant"- Gubler was more frustrated than he had felt in months over any conversation they had ever had. This time, it was serious.

- "Then what is it?"

- "I’m just saying you should change your last name ‘cos we will be married, and I’d love for you to be Mrs. Gubler."

- "I will be your wife, isn’t that enough?"

- "Why do you always have to be so fucking independent?"- Matthew just yelled- "Can you just try to understand I want you to be mine? My wife! And I want everybody to know it!"

- "So you wanna put me on display?"

- "No!! Fuck no!!"- Matthew was tired and defeated. It seemed that stupid argument was more about a bunch of little things that had grown inside his head instead of just about the last name.

- "Why can’t I be independent? Is that a bad thing?"

- "No! It’s a good thing! I just... "- Matthew bit his tongue and sighed, trying to rearrange the thoughts in his head. He needed to make sure whatever he was going to say would explain his feelings clearly.

- "You just?"- Joey asked, standing in the middle of the hotel room she was staying at that night. She just stared at the wall, thinking she had no idea what had gotten into her boyfriend’s head.

- "I just don’t feel you need me sometimes."

- "What? Are you crazy?"

- "No, that’s what I feel. Are you gonna blame me for feeling?"

- "Well, you are being silly!"

Joey was real angry at him at the moment. Everything he had said hurt her. It seemed he had insulted all the kindness and love she had given him when it was very hard for her to show her feelings and let someone into her heart.

- "What is it that you want from me, Matthew? Do you want me to be needy and clingy? ‘Cos you know that’s not who I am!"

- "I know that! I just sometimes… it feels like you’d be great without me."

- "What?"

- "Like you don’t…"- but the girl didn’t let him continue.

- "Don’t say you feel I don’t love you!"

- "I know you love me."

- "Then?"

- "You don’t depend on me the way I depend on you"- the drummer was in shock at those words. Did he depend on her?- "You leave me here, you tour the world, you are happy, I’m here, I miss you. Every time we talk, you are shining… meanwhile, I am here, dying, waiting to be with you!"

- "First of all, you could come!"

- "I’m working too!"- but Joey cut him off and continued.

- "Second, who says I don’t miss you? Just because I’m not crying when we talk doesn’t mean I am not miserable! Matthew! What the fuck are you saying? I fucking love you with my whole life! I hate being here when I could be there with you at this very same minute doing anything together, even when that anything is staring at the wall! But I have to work, and I happen to love my job, the same way you love yours! You can’t blame me for not quitting!"

Joey bit her lips as she stared at Matthew at the other side of the screen. She was making her best not to cry. She had never been so mad at her fiancé before.

- "I just…"- he tried to continue, but his voice broke- "I feel like I’m going insane here without you"- tears fell from his eyes as Joey wiped off hers from her cheeks.

- "Matthew, I miss you too! Fuck! I’m going crazy, just like you! I want to be there. I wanna kiss you! I wanna make love to you! But… you can’t ask me to be someone I’m not! Can’t you just be happy your girlfriend loves you, misses you, and will marry you as soon as she finishes touring?"

Gubler sighed and stared at her.

- "I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, Matthew Gray Gubler. I don’t care about the last name. I don’t care about anything as long as you are beside me."

The young man sighed and cut her a short smile.

- "How do you always end up making me feel like a dork for getting mad at you?"

- "‘Cos I’m gonna be your wife, that’s my job"- she chuckled, and they stared in silence for a few seconds.

- "I love you so much, Joey."

- "I love you more, Matthew Gray."

That had been days before. Was Matthew still upset at her because of that? No way. He didn’t sound mad at all. He was just drunk and happy to celebrate his birthday.

- "You are overthinking this ‘cos you are far from him"- the girl reassured herself out loud and looked at the screen again- “Love you dorky”- she typed and sent her boyfriend a message. That was something he couldn’t forget.

The girl stayed still looking at the TV in front of her for a few seconds, but the knot in her stomach was too tight, and the thoughts in her head were too scary. She felt sick, scared, anxious.

Joey was jealous, shit!

She ended up puking in the bus’s tiny bathroom, just like every time she felt seriously distressed.

- "Hey, are you ok?"- Gerard found her on the bathroom floor, flushing, pale, and a little weak.

- "Yeah…"

- "Are you sick?"

- "No, I just… I’m ok."

- "Sure?"

- "Yeah, I just need an herbal tea. I felt dizzy all of a sudden"- she held the hand he offered her and stood up.

- "I’ll put on the kettle"- Joey stumbled a little as she walked with Gerard to the front of the bus.

- "Hey Bug"- she heard Mikey’s voice as he opened the curtain of his bunk. She slowly moved over and sat next to him- "Did you talk to Matthew?"

- "Yeah, he was wasted"- and Mikey chuckled.

- "That’s my boy."

- "I didn’t like it."

- "Come on, he is a good kid. He will probably drink his liver away and then go to bed, have a killer hangover, and talk to you until either of you falls asleep like he always does."

Mikey reassured her, and the girl chuckled, nodding. Her friend was right. She was still dizzy, though, so she carefully laid down next to him and felt his arms around her slowly.

- "Bug, you are freezing."

- "I’m ok. Gerard is making me an herbal tea… I should do it, actually; he ain’t my nanny"- the girl tried to stand up, but Mikey held her.

- "You should get into your bunk for another while. You might be getting the flu."

- "I’m ok, trust me"- she finally stood up and smiled at her friend.

- "Here, take my hoodie."

- "Thanks… it stinks."

- "But it’s warm, does the trick"- she smiled and put it on. Gerard had just left the cup of tea on the table. She walked over slowly and cut him a smile. An honest and nice smile.

- "Thank you, Gerard."

- "You can call me Gee, you know"- she nodded and sat down by the table.

Gerard sat in front of her, sipping his fresh cup of coffee. The two of them were quiet. Joey was thinking about Gubler. What was he doing at that very exact moment? Why wasn’t she there? How would it have been if they were together? They would probably be naked in his bed. And that would be great. It would be way much better than what she was doing at the moment, sitting on a bus staring at the window.

- "Are you sure you are alright?"- he whispered, and she nodded again- "Do you wanna go back to bed? I mean bunk."

- "No, I’m fine here… besides, we should be getting ready…"- she stayed quiet and looked outside- "Where are we?"

- "Munich"

- "Great… we had a hotel room here, right?"

- "Yeah"

- "Finally!!!"- she raised her arms, and he chuckled- "I need a real bed."

- "Me too."

- "And a long fucking bath"- he nodded and looked into her eyes. They were stuck in the cup of tea again.

- "We’ve got the Valencia gig in a couple of days."

- "Right! The MTV streamed no stressful at all show in Spain"- he chuckled and nodded.

- "Nervous?"

- "Not really"- she lied, the fact MTV was going to stream the show was freaking her out, but at the moment, she didn’t care that much. Her head was back in Los Angeles. Her phone hummed, and she quickly grabbed it. “I love you too,” Matthew had written, and a deep sigh came from her lips. Gerard was going to ask something, but not a word came from his lips. Instead, Jeff - their tour manager - opened the door and smiled.

- "I got you an early check-in at the hotel."

And those words were music for Joey’s ears.

That day was hell for the girl. The good thing was the band didn’t have anything to do but play the show, which meant: movies with Mikey and Frank, the best way to keep her head busy from thinking the worst.

- "I’m bored"- Frank whispered as he played with Joey’s hair, who was laid next to him.

- "We have to leave for the show in a while"- Mikey whispered, half awake, half asleep.

- "Great"- the girl murmured, eyes glued at the screen- "I’m hungry."

- "You just ate."

- "I’m bored. Boredom makes me hungry."

- "Come on, let’s get something to eat"- Frank grabbed Joey’s hand and stood up- "I need to move from this bed, or I’m gonna die of boredom."

- "Can you bring me some ice cream?"- Mikey asked from the bed as Joey and Frank put on their shoes.

- "Nope, if you want something, you gotta come with us"- the girl smiled at her friend, who didn’t move.

- "Damn it! Fine… I won’t have ice cream."

- "Good for you, see ya!"

Gerard was just done jerking off in his bed. He wasn’t happy about it, but he didn’t have much to do. He had tried to make music, but shit wasn’t working. He had thought about calling his wife, but it was five in the morning in Los Angeles. He was miserable. He wanted to find a way to end his agony. But all he could think about was Joey walking around the bus in her pajamas. Joey sleeping in the back of the bus in those shorts and a tank top. Joey curled on a couch reading Edgar Allan Poe. His cock was killing him, and his hand hadn’t been enough. He wanted her so bad it hurt, and masturbation just wasn’t enough anymore.

He wanted to tell her that he loved her. That he was willing to make her happy. But he knew he couldn’t do either of those things.

- “Come live with me and my wife, ‘cos polygamy ain’t illegal or whatever.”

The singer sighed and looked at the ceiling, toilet paper all over his hand, cleaning the mess he had left.

- "You have issues, dude"- Gerard said out loud and closed his eyes. Honestly, there was nothing he could do but to love the girl from a safe distance and hope for his feelings to fade as soon as the tour was over.

Way didn’t want that tour to end because he didn’t want to be apart from Joey. In fact, Gerard was starting to feel obsessed. He hated it, but still, he didn’t know how to stop.

Frank kept laughing like a kid as he and Joey sat at the hotel’s roof deck. He was drinking a beer and smoking while she finished her second ice cream.

- "Mikey Fucking Way"- she argued, frowning- "Because of him, I can’t stop thinking about getting ice cream."

- "You are so fucking high in sugar"- Frank added and grinned.

- "I know! It’s gonna be hell when I get my sugar hangover."

- "I can kiss your temples if that helps"- he answered and winked at her. The girl smiled and raised an eyebrow.

- "Why are you such a flirt with me, Frank Anthony?"

- "I am not a flirt!"- he answered, nearly insulted, but still chuckled after a few seconds as his friend stared at him right into the eyes.

- "Come on! We’ve been friends for a long while now. You are always such a flirt with me. Are you like this with all the girls?"

- "Define like this"- he answered with a lower voice and made his best to look as hot as fuck.

- "Just what you did, you are adorable and hot and cute and all innocent. Why are you like that?"

- "Why? You don’t like it?"

- "I love it, it’s so fucking funny and cute, like you. But sometimes it makes me wonder if you are like that with all the girls…"

- "Why?"

- "’Cause I know you are just my friend, and you can be as flirty as you want; I know it’s a game. But what if you do this with someone who doesn’t get it as I do… then what?"- Frank stayed quiet, looking at his friend. Then took a long drag from his cigarette.

- "What if I’m just a flirt with you?"

- "I surely doubt it"- Joey quickly answered, laughing- "I’ve seen you flirt with basically 99% of the girls we’ve met this tour. You just don’t notice it."

- "I haven’t!"

- "You do, Frank, that’s why I know you are harmless"- that frustrated the guitarist, though he knew he wasn’t going to get any with her anyway. She was his friend; he loved his wife. He just thought Joey was hot.

- "Tell you what, I like flirting with you ‘cos you are cute, and you don’t get nervous"- Iero simply confessed.

- "Of course, I don’t! You are my friend, and this is like…"

- "The nature of our friendship?"

- "You just read my mind, Jersey"- the two of them stayed quiet and smiled.

- "I would hit on you if I wasn’t married, though"- Joey burst out laughing at those words, but Frank just smiled- "I mean it."

- "I know."

- "If I wasn’t… and I did… do you think I’d stand a chance?"- the girl blushed and finished her ice cream.

- "I’d say you would if Gub wasn’t in the picture, of course. We could have gone out on a couple of dates, have fun."

- "And fuck like bunnies"- Frank added, and Joey hit his arm.

- "Dude, you are my friend. Friends don’t fuck."

- "What? So friends make love? besides, we are talking about an alternative universe that will never happen!"

- "Shut up!! You are gross!!"- Joey covered her face with both hands as she shook her head- "You are so fucking funny Jersey, I’m glad I met you."

- "I’m glad I met you too, Iceland. You should stay forever"- she smiled and nodded.

- "I’m not going anywhere today."

- "I mean, you should sign to be a member of the band, like… one of us."

- "One of the guys?"

- "Yeah"- she smiled and held his hand.

- "You are taking this relationship too fast. We’ve been together a few months. We haven’t even moved in together. I don’t think we are quite there yet."

- "You live on my fucking face, Iceland"- Frank laughed and pushed her- "Which reminds me, you have to do your fucking laundry."

- "Yeah… I swear I’ll do it in Spain, while you do all the press and I have the hotel all by myself."

- "You know, sometimes I hate you for that."

- "For not having to do any interviews?"

- "Yeah… I hate those things."

- "Why? 'cos you have to sit in front of a microphone for hours answering the same fucking questions, over and over again?"- she said, smiling.

- "Fuck you."

- "I’m sorry!!"- she laughed, and he grinned- "I bet press sucks, but it comes hand in hand with being a rockstar."

- "I hate that too"- he said and scratched his head, stubbing his cigar in an ashtray- "I just wanted to make music. I don’t know where everything else came from. Sometimes I wish I could stop it all and go home, be with my babies, with my wife."

Frank suddenly had gotten too serious and too deep, something Joey knew was like the comet Halley: it happened once in a lifetime around her.

- "Why don’t you stop?"- she innocently asked, mostly ‘cos she had thought about stopping herself.

- "I don’t know, it’s like… you somehow got trapped in this machine, and it won’t stop working, and if you take a step back, it all collapses…-" he looked at his hands as he spoke, but Joey held them and smiled.

- "I don’t think anything is gonna collapse if you stop doing tour after tour for a while"- she whispered- "There are more important things in life than concerts, you know."

- "Name one"- he said and looked into her eyes.

- "Your kids"

- "Nailed it"- and Joey burst out laughing- "It was too easy!"

- "Exactly, nothing is more important than the ones we love, so shut the fuck up and man up! ask for a break every once in a while, ‘cos this leg of the tour, I must say, has been misery for all of us."

- "I know!"- Frank gesticulated in the most Jersey Italian way that always made Joey laugh- "It’s been hell!"

- "The only good thing of it all, other than the money, I mean"- she said and chuckled- "It’s the fact I can call you my friend."

- "Awww, Iceland. You could have called me your friend from day one, even when I hated the guts out of you."

- "Why did you hate me, by the way?"

- "‘Cos I wanted to do you so bad I didn’t want you in the band"- Frank simply answered, and the drummer raised an eyebrow.

- "Are you joking?"- by her face, Iero could tell the comment hadn’t been the best he had done.

- "Of course, I am!!"- no, he wasn’t- "I just didn’t want to make a circus out of the fact you are a girl. I knew people would start making up stories, and Jamia would be nervous and jealous because of you… having a woman in the band back then meant a mess I didn’t want to deal with."

- "And why did you change your mind?"

- "Mikey forced me"- Joey nodded, and Frank smiled- "And Jamia was really into you from day one. She loved the idea of adding a girl into the tour ‘cos there weren’t enough women in rock… but mostly ‘cos I told her your boyfriend was the hot guy from Criminal Minds, and I swear, she nearly yelled. She wanted me to friend you so she could meet him."

- "I’m in this band ‘cos your wife thinks my soon to be husband is hot?"- and Frank nodded- "I owe Jamia more than I thought I would. Maybe I can send her a picture of Matthew naked"- Frank raised an eyebrow as Joey smiled- "You know she is gonna love those."

- "But he is so tall… he is gonna make me look bad"- he joked, and Joey laughed like she hadn’t laugh that whole day.

- "Of course, he is. But in your defense… he could make every single fucking man on earth look bad. Have you seen his feet?"

- "Joey!! Shut up!!!"

Matthew woke up on his bed, his head killing him and a complete blur of what his night had been. He just sat and scratched his head.

- “What time is it?... wait, how did I get home?... fuck!! What happened last night?!”

The young actor nearly jumped as he started to recap his birthday party. The cast from the movie had arranged a party in a local bar, he was really happy about it, though he almost declined it. He was tired, but his co-star convinced him it was a great idea to go out, get to know everybody a little better, and start his birthday celebration.

- "Oh fuck"- he grunted- "My fucking head is killing me…"- he reached out for his phone and found it on his nightstand. He had a few unread messages from Joey

- “I love you Akumu!”- he smiled right away- “Remember to leave a bottle of water by your bed to keep you hydrated”- and he had indeed left one there- “Save some birthday belated celebration for my comeback in a few days.”

- "Honey!"- his mother’s voice took him from his head as he looked at his bedroom’s door

- "Mom! What are you doing here?"

- "Happy birthday, honey!!"- he stood up and walked over to hug her immediately.

- "Mom! Thank you so much for coming!"

- "I had to come, I have to give you something"- the actor frowned- "This came into the mail for you a few weeks ago, but I had to wait until today to give it to you"

Mrs. Gubler smiled as she gave her son a box. It was completely hand-drawn with jako lanterns, cute skulls, ghosts, and hearts.

- "What is this?"

- "A present that you got from very far away, or so it seems."

Matthew grabbed the box and sat on his bed to open it. Inside, there was a letter from his fiancé, a couple of gorgeous kimonos, Japanese books, art, a few Halloween shirts, and unmatching socks. Matthew was speechless, staring at the box. It was amazing.

- "I can’t believe this"

- "Joey sent it when she reached London, and we agreed I would bring it to you today."

- "Thank you"- he moved over and gave her a hug.

- "Don’t thank me for coming over on your birthday, honey. I love you, thank the girl at the other side of the world who gathered everything you might love and shipped it to you on your special day"- she kissed his cheeks and stood up-" I’m gonna make you breakfast, and you are gonna take a shower ‘cos you stick, are you still drunk?"

- "No mom"

- "Then call your wife! And thank her for the presents!"

- "Yes, mom!"

Matthew grabbed his phone, smiling, and dialed Joey’s number. It rang once. It rang twice. He was about to give up and try later when the girl picked up and smiled at the other side of the screen.

- "Birthday boy!"

- "Baby! You are amazing!"- he quickly said and laid back on his bed- "I just got my presents."

- "Did your mom give you the box?! did you like it?"

- "Hell yeah! It’s amazing, thank you"

- "Did you like the kimonos?"

- "They are the softest!"

- "I know!! I was in shock! You can hang them in the kimono closet!! So when you get home, you can get naked, grab a kimono and just relax!"

- "Are you gonna be naked under your kimono too?"- the girl giggled nervously.

- "That’s very likely"

- "I like that idea. Where are you?"

- "Backstage warming up, we are playing at eight… did you just wake up?"

- "Yeah…"- he whispered and closed his eyes.

- "You were fucking wasted last night."

- "I thought you didn’t notice"- he answered, chuckling, still feeling uneasy about his wild night out. It felt off. Probably ‘cos he was way too hungover.

- "Matthew Gray Gubler, I’m gonna be your wife. I know when you are drunk, you can’t fool me even if you tried your best"- the actor laughed softly (laughing also hurt) and nodded at Joey- "Wait, the guys wanna say hello."

Matthew saw Mikey, Frank, and Ray appear and waved at the camera.

- "Happy birthday, dude!"- Ray said smiling- "How’s the hangover?"

- "Killing me!"

- "Save some liver for our party, man!"- Mikey said and waved too

- "Hope you have a great day!"- Frank added.

- "Thanks, guys!"- Matthew said and waved, yet his eyes were glued at Joey, who kept looking at him with a warm smile.

- "Where’s Gerard?"- Mikey asked and looked around. Gerard. Gubler frowned immediately. He hated him deeply, and he hated the fact Joey worked with him.

- "He was smoking outside"- Frank answered and waved again at the screen- "See you, Gubler!"

- "Bye guys!"- the band walked away, and Joey was now again all alone- "Hey, gorgeous"

- "Hey, wild party beast. What are you doing for the rest of your birthday?"

- "I’m not leaving this bed"- Joey laughed and looked at him in silence for a couple of minutes.

- "I’m gonna be in that bed with you in twelve days, can you believe that?"

- "I’ve waited so long it seems to be an eternity, but at the same time, it feels like it’s gonna be tomorrow."

- "I know exactly how you feel."

- "Honey! breakfast!"- Matthew’s mother yelled from the kitchen, making the young man laugh.

- "I am ten years old again, or was that just a strong flashback?"

- "Go eat, I’ll play a show, and I’ll call you from the hotel, ok?"- he nodded and smiled.

- "I love you so much, Yami."

- "I love you more, Matthew Gray “birthday boy” Gubler. Talk to you in a couple of hours."

The actor hung down and sighed. He felt happy to know he had her in his life. That she was gonna be his wife. As he thought about it, he started going through some of the pictures from the night before. He remembered half of it, but it felt like he had fun.

- "Fuck!!"- he shouted and wide opened his eyes.

Maybe a little too much fun.

Matthew stared at the screen in shock. There was a picture of him kissing two girls at the same time. Two. Girls. Kissing. Him. At. The. Same. Fucking. Time. And it didn’t help when he noticed, one of those girls was his ex-girlfriend.

- "Shit! Shit! Shit!"- he kept going through the party pictures, shots, laughter, his ex kissing him while they danced. Bunch of people, more people laughing, his ex and her friend kissing him again.

- "Fucking shit! What the fuck did I do?!"

Matthew’s heart was about to come out of his throat as he started deleting every single photo from his phone. Why were those there? Why did he do that? Who saw him? Where were those pictures now?

- "What the fuck did you do, mother fucker?! What else did you do?!"

Matthew couldn’t move. He just sat with the phone in his hands, thinking if he erased those pictures from his phone, it was like it never happened. But now it was in his mind, and he couldn’t stop the memories from coming back.

He was drunk and sad after talking with Joey. He had another shot and decided to go home, but his ex-girlfriend and one of her friends- part of the team of the movie he was filming- appeared and invited him to dance. Drunk Matthew didn’t seem to think it was a bad idea and joined them on the dancefloor. They danced, the girls started kissing. Gubler liked it and didn’t move away when they moved closer to him and started kissing with him too.

- "Oh fuck!!"- he wanted to kill himself.

But that wasn’t all. He wished it was, but it was all coming back now. His ex took him to the backroom.

- "No!"- Matthew yelled, widening his eyes- "No!"- he repeated, as his mother appeared running into his room.

- "Honey! What is it?! What happened?"

- "I fucked it up!"- he simply answered and didn’t move an inch

- "What are you talking about?"

- "Last night at the party… I ran into Annie, and she was with a friend and…"- the actor made a pause and scratched his head aggressively

- "Matthew?"

- "And they kissed me happy birthday…"

- "Matthew?"

- "And then… mom sorry, I can’t tell you this"- the young man tried to stand up, but his mother stopped him.

- "Matthew Gray Gubler, what did you do last night?"

- "I made out with them, and Annie gave me a blowjob"- he covered his face with both hands, embarrassed and regretful. He felt sick, dirty, gross. He felt like an animal, like everything he had always hated, like a man who cheated.

He cheated. And he wasn’t going to be able to undo it or even forget it.

Matthew broke into tears quietly at first, but his sobbing grew bigger, sadder, and more desperate. He hated himself, he needed to find a way to forget about what had happened, but he couldn’t. Instead, the memories kept coming; Annie kneeled in front of him.

- "Mom… I fucked it up."

- "Yes"- she simply replied- "You did, and Joey is gonna find out, no matter if you don’t tell her."

- "How do you know? Maybe no one saw us"- the actor was in denial and desperate to find anything that could keep him from dealing with the truth- I might have just dreamt the whole thing, maybe it never happened

- "Matthew?"

- "Maybe I can forget about it. If I don’t remember it, then it never happened."

- "Matthew"

- "Mom, I can’t tell her!"- he nearly shouted, nervous and grossed out by himself.

- "I didn’t raise a liar or a cheater"- the young man looked at his mother with watered-up eyes.

- "How am I supposed to tell her something like this? she is gonna hate me! She is gonna break up with me, mom. I know her."

- "You have to take responsibility for the things you’ve done, Matthew. You said you wanted to marry her. You can’t start that commitment with a lie."

- "She is gonna hate me… fuck, I hate me…"

- "Well, you brought it to yourself, Matthew Gray, so you have to fix it."

Gubler took a long shower and cried half of it. He couldn’t believe what he had gotten into. Or why. What had gotten into him to get so drunk ‘till the point of letting his ex-girlfriend give him a blow job? That wasn’t him. He remembered he felt bad after talking with Joey. He knew he couldn’t stop thinking she was touring with Gerard and hated him. What if he had tried to make his move on her? What if she fell for him? She wouldn’t. But what if she did? They had been apart for so long. No, he trusted her with his life. She would never do such a thing.

Then why had he done it?

Matthew honestly wanted to kill himself. That’s how guilty he felt. He knew Joey was never going to forgive him, and he was considering not ever telling her. She was never going to find out if he didn’t confess. Maybe he could take it to the grave.

Mikey hugged Joey goodnight and watched her walk to her room. Gerard looked at them from the other side of the hallway. The girl waved at him, and he waved back.

- "Hey! What are you doing?"- Mikey asked his brother as he lazily walked over him, weary after the show.

- "I just wanted to know if you wanna hang out. James and Frank are locked in their rooms already. Maybe we can watch a movie or something. I don’t feel like being on my own for a while"- Mikey nodded at Gerard.

- "Sure, man. Let me take a shower, and I’ll be right there."

Originally, Gerard wanted to drag Joey along with his brother, ‘cos it seemed like the only way to hang out with her. But she had disappeared way too fast to make his move.

The girl took a shower, put on her pajamas, and dialed Matthew’s number. He didn’t reply.

- "Hangover man has to be hanging out with his mom"- the girl thought out loud and grabbed a book to kill time. He was going to call when he was ready to talk.

Was he?

Matthew saw his cell phone right and froze. His hands shook when he reached out to answer, and that’s when he realized he couldn’t. He wasn’t going to be able to lie to her. But he couldn’t tell her either. He was home alone. His mom was out, mainly to give him space to think and talk with Joey in private. But yet, Matthew didn’t know what to do or what to say.

- "Ok, she is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you are willing to do everything that’s in your power to keep her by your side"- he said and looked at his reflex in the mirror and then washed his face.

- "Akumu!"- Joey smiled as soon as he saw him- "How was breakfast?"

- "Chocolate chips hotcakes with a whipped cream smile on top, and lots of coffee."

- "Spoiled by your mother on your birthday, lucky man"- he smiled and felt a knot in his throat.

- “Fuck! this is going to be so hard!” And how was the show?"

- "It was good, not the finest though… we are all so fucking tired"- the girl laid on her bed and smiled at her boyfriend- "When I get home, I’m not leaving that bed Matthew Gray Gubler, I’m gonna spend every second there... sleeping."

- "I’m not planning on sleeping if you are in this bed"- he answered and felt his voice shake at the end of the sentence, guilt taking over him.

- "You are gonna have to let me sleep at least a day. I’m so fucking tired and jet-lagged all the time. This tour ruined my sleeping schedule"- Joey joked but frowned as she noticed her boyfriend had tears falling from his eyes- "Akumu, what is it? Are you ok? Why are you crying?"

- "‘Cos I miss you"- he simply answered- "I miss you so fucking much! Can we just get married when you get here? I’ll pick you up at the airport, drive us to the nearest church, and we just get married right away"- the girl sighed with watered-up eyes herself as she stared at Gubler sobbing.

- "I miss you too… and I can’t wait to marry you either."

- "Can you promise me you’ll always be with me? No matter what?"

- "Matthew, I swear I’ll always be by your side"- the girl felt broken-hearted by the emotion in her fiancé’s words. She had never seen him so sad before, was it because she wasn’t there on his birthday?- "That is the main reason why I wanna marry you dorky, ‘cos I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, in one eternal Halloween"- Matthew smiled at those words and wiped off his tears.

- "Sorry, I’m just a little emotional… ‘cos I miss you, and I need you here."

- "I’m sorry I couldn’t be there."

- "No, Yami, don’t be sorry. You are working! And you are so awesome and incredible. I swear I don’t deserve you."

Matthew kept trying to stop crying, but it was harder than he thought. He was feeling so guilty, so low, the worst human on earth. And the girl on the other side of the world was just telling him she thought he was the best man amongst them all.

- "Yes, you do! You are an incredible man, hangover boy! I should be the one telling you how amazing you are, it’s your birthday! I want to make you feel happy all the time, please don’t be sad!"

- "I just need to see your face to be happy today"- he answered without hesitation and sighed- "You know what?"

- "What?"

- "I’m gonna tour with you."

- "What?"- Joey frowned and looked at how Matthew sat correctly on his bed and fixed his hair.

- "Yes, I will. I hate this. I hate being apart from you this long. So next couple of months, I’m gonna follow you wherever you go."

- "You’d do that for me?"- the girl widened her eyes

- "Joey, I would do anything for you"- Matthew made sure to pronounce every word as slowly as possible as he looked at her eyes- "So I’ll schedule plane tickets to be with you."

- "And your work?"

- "You are more important than my job. I can’t be like this anymore, we are gonna finish the movie in two weeks, and after that, my only job will be to clap after every song you play"- Joey smiled, feeling her heart swell with love, as a few more tears fell from her eyes.

- "You are making me so happy."

- "My plans for as long as I live exactly."

Mikey and Gerard were laid watching tv. Mikey kept surfing channels while Gerard sipped his diet coke and scrolled down his Twitter timeline. Neither of them felt like talking, pretty much ‘cos they were tired, and after being so many weeks stuck together, there wasn’t much new to say.

- "Weird!"- Mikey chuckled as they caught a Criminal Minds episode and Matthew as Spencer Reid appeared on screen- "I never thought I’d friend this guy."

- "Why did you do that? he is an asshole"- Gerard simply answered and kept his eyes stuck on the phone.

- "He’s not an asshole. He is hilarious. You’d like him if you met him."

- "Not interested"- Mikey frowned and kept surfing channels- "Wow, I thought you were going to watch your boyfriend’s show."

- "Wow, very mature, Gerard."

- "Sorry"- the singer knew he had crossed the line, mostly ‘cos he shouldn’t show how much he hated Matthew because…

- "Why do you hate him so much?"- because Mikey could start asking questions, and he didn’t want to talk.

- "I don’t hate him. He is not my friend, which is very different."

- "And Joey is not your friend either"- Mikey added- "You never talk to her."

- "She never talks to me"- Gerard added, and his voice betrayed him, showing some bitterness in his words.

- "Well, maybe because you didn’t want her in the band."

- "It’s been months. Get over it."

- "Now that I think about it, you are not even close to her at all…"

- "You are way too close to her, close enough for the two of us"- Gerard spit those words, still not looking at his brother.

- "What? Are you jealous or something?"

- "No!"- he snorted- "Why? Should I?"

- "I don’t know. You are being an asshole."

- "I’m just tired…"- Gerard came up with the worst excuse ever

- "Ok, if you are tired, I’ll leave you to sleep, dude, you are not what I call a pleasure to hang out with anyway"- Mikey stood up and walked to the door- "See you tomorrow at the plane."

Mikey left the room, and Gerard groaned, annoyed. He grabbed the remote control and surfed the channels until he found Criminal Minds again. He just wanted to see Matthew’s face to hate him even more.

- "What’s so special about this asshole? He is just a pretty boy, no talent, definitely no acting skills… He is tall. That’s all he has in his favor"- Gerard was arguing with the television out loud.

- "I mean… it’s clear he is not as smart as his character, and he ain’t funny either, shit! I bet he hasn’t done anything but this stupid tv show and those 3 minutes in the Wes Anderson movie."

Gerard opened google and searched for information about Matthew Gray Gubler, just to make sure he was a loser. He hated to know he wasn’t, though Gerard thought everything he had done had been pathetic so far. Everything but proposing Joey. And that was what Gerard hated the most. It was sick, and he knew it, that obsession he had about that girl, the one he couldn’t have. He just couldn’t take the idea of being with her out of his mind. Why? Was it because obviously, she didn’t want him? Many girls hadn’t wanted him before. Why was this one killing him slowly?

- "Oh fuck!"- Gerard nearly shook with his coke when he saw a picture of Matthew’s birthday- "Oh man!! I knew you were too good for my girl!!"- Gerard wanted to jump when he saw a picture of Matthew making out with a girl and the comment: “Matthew Gray Gubler birthday, 2011”.

- "You are going down!!"

::: Munich, March 10th, 2011 :::

Ray and Joey walked out of a Krispy Kremes at the airport, waiting for their flight to Valencia, holding a huge box of freshly made donuts. Joey was in heaven, and Ray was laughing at how excited she was about coffee and sugar.

- "Touring with you and Mikey together has been the best training to be a dad one day"- the guitarist said, chuckling.

- "Are you planning on having babies, dad?"

- "Yeah, it’s something me and Christa have talked about a few times. I want to wait until life gets a little bit less… messy ‘cos I wanna be with her the whole way and enjoy our babies."

- "Oh, dad, you are so cute"- the girl pout and punched his arm- "I want babies too, but I don’t think it will happen soon."

- "Why?"

- "Well, ‘cos I guess I want to wait until I have a steady job first."

- "And what is this for you?"- Toro gesticulated.

- "I’m your drummer for the tour Ray. The tour will end at some point, though it seems endless right now, and I will have to look for another job. And what if I get another tour drummer job? I’m gonna have to travel again. When am I going to be home with my husband to make and raise a baby?"

- "Well… after the tour you could be our studio drummer too, and you can stay in Los Angeles with Matthew and start making babies"- the girl chuckled at those words, though she liked the idea- "You should name your firstborn Ray though, I’ll put that in the contract"- both of them laughed and reached their gate.

- "Kids! Sugar!"- Joey’s smile shone as she gave Frank and Mikey the donuts box.

Gerard looked at her and sighed, thinking he wanted to tell her what he knew about Matthew, but it hurt him to know how much damage it was going to mean for her

- "Hey, Gerard!"- she snapped her fingers in front of him- "This one has your name on it. I figured you’d like a cappuccino cream donut."

- "Thank you"- he felt his cheeks blushing as he held the donut and smiled at Joey- "Sugar low?"

- "Yeah, my body needs some fuel to work until we reach the next hotel, and I can sleep some more."

- "Why? You didn’t sleep well last night?"- Gerard bit his donut and stared at Joey’s cheek turning red.

- "No, I stayed up talking with Matthew until three am."

- "Wow… really? Everything ok?"- Gerard’s heart beat a little faster with those words. She wouldn’t be so happy if she knew what Gubler was doing behind her back. Or did she not care? No, it was more likely she had no idea.

- "Yeah, we just miss each other a lot, and it was his birthday. I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, even on FaceTime."

- "His birthday!"- Gerard nodded- "Right, so he didn’t party or whatever?“Smooth dude, good”

- "He did, the night before with some friends from work, he was kind of hungover"- Joey smiled again- "So last night was our moment to celebrate."

- "Dude, please. I don’t wanna picture you and Matthew having phone sex"- Frankie showed up and grabbed Joey’s coffee- "I mean, you, that I can imagine, but him… not so much."

- "Jersey!!"- the girl frowned and smacked him.

- "What?!"

- "Stop being disgusting!"- he chuckled, and she took her coffee back from his hands

- "We all knew what you meant when you said you “stayed up talking with Matthew until three am”- Iero air quoted and laughed again- "We’ve all been there, I’ve been there like three times in the latest weeks."

- "Come on!!!"- Joey smacked him again and walked away. Frank kept laughing for a few seconds and finished his donut.

- "Hey guys, come closer"- Gerard whispered as he noticed Joey had walked away, probably to the bathroom- "I need to tell you something."

- "What?"- Mikey raised an eyebrow as he moved closer ‘cos his brother had whispered.

- "Last night, I was on Twitter, and this picture of Gubler appeared… he… he cheated on Joey at his birthday party."

Gerard had prepared the speech to make sure no one would ever know he had been looking for information about Gubler and saved the picture as proof.

- "What the fuck?"- Mikey grabbed the phone from his brother’s hand and took a look at the picture.

- "Are you sure that’s him?"- Ray moved closer and took a long look at the picture.

- "Yeah! It’s him! He cheated on the party Joey told us he had with his friends"- Mikey was in shock. He walked away and closed his eyes, thinking about Joey and how she would take the news. Frank was so mad. He wanted to kill that guy. He also walked away and murmured curses for a minute straight. Ray couldn’t believe it, and his only concern at the moment was:

- "We have to tell her"

- "How can we tell her that?!"- Mikey pointed at the phone- "We are gonna break her!"

- "He broke her!"- Gerard argued- "He is the one who fucked it up! We are her friends, and we have to let her know what’s going on"- the band stayed quiet, neither of them knowing what to say.

- "Hey kids!"- Joey appeared suddenly smiling- "Why did you all get all serious? Did something happen?"

- "Yeah"- Gerard said, and Frank quickly interrupted him.

- "I ate the last donut and didn’t share it"- the girl raised an eyebrow.

- "Bullshit."

- "No, Gerard wanted it, and it seems I tend to hoard all the sweets…"- Joey frowned at that nonsense.

- "You do"- Mikey supported his lie flawlessly- "You always eat more than us!"

- "Ok… sure…"- Joey walked to a chair and looked at her phone. Mikey turned to his brother and punched his arm.

- "Not here! Don’t be an asshole! We wait until we are in the hotel! You can’t do this in public!"- Gerard felt like an ass. His brother was right. He was so desperate to end that relationship he wasn’t thinking straight.

He wanted to end a relationship that wasn’t even his. What had he turned into? A cold-blooded asshole who craved a girl so much, he was willing to ruin her life to get a chance to be with her?

Mikey was playing with his fingers nonstop. He just wanted to get out of the plane and avoid Joey for a long while. He was thankful the girl was sound asleep next to him ‘cos he knew he wouldn’t be able to pretend things were cool and peachy. Mikey knew he was a lousy liar. He wasn’t going to act like everything was good.

- "Hey"- Frank waved and pointed to the back of the plane. Mikey stood up and followed him, there Ray and Gerard were waiting for them.

- "What is it?"

- "We have to talk about what happened. When are we going to tell her?"- Gerard said, and the four of them looked at each other in silence for a few seconds- "I know it’s crap, but we can’t leave her in the dark about it… can we?"

- "No man"- Frank said and took a look around, scared the girl might see or hear them- "But… she is gonna be a mess, and I don’t wanna feel like we did this to her."

- "He did this to her"- Gerard quickly replied- "This whole shit is his fault."

- "Gubler should tell her"- Iero added. He didn’t feel like he could do such harm to her friend. He was going to harm Gubler, but not Joey.

- "He won’t do that, Frank"- Ray said- "But… I don’t want to be a cold bitch here, but we’ve got the Valencia show in two days, and that shit will be televised… if we tell her… and she wants to leave…"

- "Dude, we can’t wait that long"- Gerard interrupted him.

- "Why not?"- Ray asked, and Way didn’t reply. His honest answer was: “Because I wanna hold her tight and tell her “everything is gonna be ok” as soon as possible. And I also want to ruin Matthew’s life in the shortest notice”.

- "Because if she finds out that we knew and we didn’t tell her, we are gonna pay. She is gonna think we betrayed her"- Mikey answered instead of Gerard, ‘cos he had a reasonable answer.

- "You are right"- Ray nodded- "And that would be hell"- the four of them nodded.

- "So? Tonight?"- Frank asked- "We should get her something…"

- "Like what? Flowers?"- Gerard asked, confused.

- "Like alcohol, chocolate, chick flicks"- Mikey frowned at his brother- "So you never helped a friend when her boyfriend dumped her?"- and Gerard stayed still- "Wow, you can’t cease to amaze me."

- "I didn’t have many girlfriends back in the days"- Gerard explained.

- "Whatever…"

- "Ok, so after dinner, we go to her room"- Frank finished, and they all accepted- "Ok, now let me go to the bathroom ‘cos I need to take a piss, come on, move it."

Ray looked around his room and sighed. He had called Christa and told her what was going on. He felt responsible for Joey’s wellbeing, and at that moment, he was scared of what would happen. His wife was in shock. She couldn’t believe Matthew had done such a thing. She even doubted it was real.

- "Are you sure that the picture isn’t photoshopped?"

- "Yeah!"

- "Really?"- Ray doubted

- "Well, it looked very real to me"

- "Why don’t you ask him?"

- "Yes, honey! He is going to come clean right away!"

- "I mean it, baby! Maybe it wasn’t a party, maybe it was a scene from his coming up film out of context, maybe it was a bad angle."

- "Christa, the tongue of two women were liking him at the very same time unless he is doing porn, there is no way that’s from his upcoming movie!"- Ray made a point, and his wife’s silence made it clear. Now he was walking in circles, trying to set his mind straight. He had never done this before, and shit, he didn’t want to.

The guitarist grabbed the Pride and Prejudice blu ray he had gotten that afternoon and sighed. It was time. He walked out to the hall and into the elevator. Just outside of Joey’s room, he bumped into Mikey and Frank. One held a paper bag with some chocolates and candies, and the other, a whiskey bottle. Of course, the whiskey guy was Iero.

- "Should we wait for Gerard?"- Ray asked

- "Nah"- Frank knocked and waited- "He is always late."

- "And you are always so on time"- Mikey joked and chuckled.

- "Hey! Ready for that movie?"- Joey opened the door smiling- "Say hello to Matthew!!"- the girl flipped her phone, and her boyfriend waved at the band.

- "Hey guys"- but neither of them smiled at him.

- "We are gonna watch a movie"- Joey turned and walked back- "I’ll call you in a while, ok?"

- "Sure, Yami. I love you so much!"

- "I love you more!"

- "Have fun"- Joey hung down and looked at her friends, narrowing her eyes, upset- "What the fuck is your problem?"

- "Bug, we need to talk"- the knock on the door interrupted Mikey, but Frank walked over quickly and opened it.

- "We are starting. What did you bring?"- Gerard frowns at that questions

- "You weren’t kidding? We had to bring something? Like a birthday party?"

- "Shit, you are an asshole"- Frank just shook his head.

- "Mikey, Ray? What is it?"- the girl sat on her bed, leg crossed, as Mikey sat next to her and held her hand.

- "Turns out we’ve got some news for you."

- "Am I fired?"- she wide opened her eyes in shock- "I am, right? Fuck I knew this was gonna happen eventually."

- "No, Bug, you are not fired"- Ray sat next to Mikey and smiled- "We are more than happy to have you here, and we would love to have you with us forever."

- "Yeah, Iceland, you are one of us now. Deal with the fact you are doomed"- Frank said and moved closer to the girl to mess with her hair.

- "Then?"- she asked and looked at the four worried faces in front of her- "What is it? ‘Cos it seems serious."

None of them knew how to say it, though each of them had practiced it in front of the mirror. And Gerard, the one who was anxious to say it, suddenly felt the remorse of being the one to break it on Joey’s face. He knew it had to happen, though. That didn’t make it less sad.

- "Joey, last night I found this picture of Gubler’s birthday party on Twitter"- the singer simply said and gave her his phone.

Mikey closed his eyes, and Frank looked down. Neither of them was able to face the girl at the moment. Joey just stared at the screen in silence for at least a minute, holding her breath. There he was, Matthew. Cheating. What she thought was impossible happened. And the most profound pain she could feel took over her body second by second.

Her world fell down. She couldn’t believe it. Matthew was kissing his ex-girlfriend. She recognized her right away, the other girl, she had no idea who she was.

He betrayed her trust. He destroyed her heart, she could feel it breaking inside her chest, with deep aching pain, and it didn’t let her breathe. She wanted everybody out of the room to cry alone. She wanted to smash Gerard’s phone against the wall. And most of all, she wanted to find an explanation, maybe an excuse for that fucking image. It was to be a lie. Matthew would never do that. Never. Thoughts kept rolling down her head. It was a lie. It had to be. Maybe a fan photoshopped it. Perhaps it was old. Maybe it wasn’t Gubs, just a lookalike.

- "Joey…"- Mikey whispered- "Are you ok?"

- "Is that the only picture you saw?"- the girl asked with a cold tone in her voice.

- "No"- Gerard murmured and frowned as he noticed the lack of emotion in Joey’s face

- "Can you send me the pictures, please?"- her voice was turning shaky while she made an effort to stay calm.

Joey hated to cry, and overall, she hated to cry in front of people. She hated when people pitied her, and at the moment, it was all she was feeling coming from her friends. Pity.

- "Bug, it is ok to be sad"- Mikey said and held her hand tight.

- "I’m not sad, I’m mad"- her eyes were filled with tears she refused to cry. Her jaws felt tight. She didn’t even want to talk anymore.

- "Hey, we are here- Ray kneeled in front of Joey and tucked away some of her hair that was falling on her face. He kept his brown eyes in hers, locked, trying to read her reaction. He realized how much she was trying to hold back. He knew his friend pretty well, and he could tell how embarrassed she was to share this with everybody. So he whispered:

- "Joey, do you want to be alone for a little while?"- and she quickly nodded, biting the inside of her cheeks.

- "Dude, we can’t leave her alone!"- Gerard immediately said and hit his friend’s arm. But Ray didn’t leave Joey’s eyes, not even for a second, and she did the same.

- "No, she is going to be ok, we are going to leave her alone for a while, and I am going to take her key, is that ok, Joey?"- the girl nodded again- "Ok, so I’ll take your key. I’ll come back in an hour to see if you need anything, ok?"

Joey couldn’t even say a word, so she nodded one last time and looked at Ray stand up.

- "Dude? What the fuck?"- Gerard was in shock, but Mikey understood immediately what Ray was doing.

- "I love you"- the youngest Way whispered and kissed Joey’s cheek. She got even tenser at his touch. She felt she was going to break into tears if anyone else touched her. So she refused to hug anybody.

- "Bug, if you need a drink, I left your favorite whiskey on the table… I’ll stop by later to have a shot with you, ok?"- Frank whispered and cut her a short smile. She nodded and watched them walk away. Gerard didn’t want to move, he took a few steps closer and opened his arms, but Joey quickly moved from him and frowned, like a frightened cat trying to escape from everything and everybody.

- "Gerard, leave her, she is ok"- Ray grabbed Gerard’s arm and pushed him- "I’ll come back in an hour, Bug"- the girl watched them walking to the door, Gerard kept looking back at her, concerned and scared she wasn’t going to be ok on her own.

- "Dude, this is wrong"- he argued the second they closed the door- "We can’t leave her there! It’s not safe!"- and just then, Joey’s yells crying froze the four of them- "Give me the key!"- Gerard argued and tried to take it from Ray’s pocket.

- "No! She needs to be on her own! She needs to cry, and she is never going to cry in front of us!"

- "What the fuck do you know?"- the singer questioned obfuscated.

- "Calm down, Gee. Ray is right"- Mikey said and sighed- "Joey needs to be alone, she ain’t going to kill herself, she just needs to yell and cry, and probably call that mother fucker and break up with him."

- "Yeah, come on"- Frank tapped on Gerard’s back and started walking- "Let’s get a beer, smoke a cigarette, and we can come back in a while. Ray has the key, so we know she won’t lock herself alone."

Gerard hated his friends at that moment. He had to be there for her, hold her, kiss her, console her. What the fuck was he doing with those guys? She needed him. He had to be with her. Why were they doing this?

- "So you don’t care?"- Gerard squabbled, and Mikey simply sighed.

- "You don’t know how she is like…"- and his brother’s words were enough to insult Gerard and shut him up.

Joey was on her knees on the floor, crying. Gasping for air every few seconds and feeling how every tear in her body came out at the same time. There was a void in her chest, right where it used to be her heart. Matthew Gray Gubler broke her heart. He broke her. All the fears she had locked inside ‘cos Matthew made her trust were now out again, and a voice in the back of her head kept telling her, “You knew this was going to happen if you were stupid enough to trust someone.”

But he was so good for her. How could he do that? Was it something she had done? Was it because she wasn’t there? You can’t be stuck with somebody to keep them from cheating. You don’t cheat. If you are not happy, you break up.

Joey felt sick in her stomach and had to rush to the bathroom. She puked crying, she couldn’t stop doing either of them. She kept choking with tears as she vomited. Until it was done. She flushed and stayed there, on the bathroom floor, crying and shaking in sadness. In fear. In disappointment.

What was she going to do? She had to break up with him. She couldn’t marry a cheater, and she wasn’t going to trust him ever again. Two fucking girls at the same time. What if he had done it before and got caught just now? For how long had he been doing that? What if she was seeing other girls regularly?

- "I knew this was going to happen. You don’t date a guy like that and expect him to be faithful…"- the girl whispered to herself, weeping- "He had nothing to do with a girl like me. Take a look at yourself, you dumb slut!"

Joey never said it out loud. She never let herself think about it. She refused to accept the fact she was weak. She had always hated herself. She felt she wasn’t worthy of anything good. All the years in the orphanage had left more than scars on her skin. They were also in her mind. You don’t spend years watching kids leaving with families and don’t convince yourself you are not good enough to be picked, to be happy. And when a family picks you up, you think it’s not you. It’s pity.

Sure, you can cover it up. You can be serious. You can stay away emotionally from people. You can find shelter in music and hide from the world in it. You can kick people’s ass when they hurt you or insult you. You can lie and say you are not “a people person,” whatever that means. But none of that can erase the fact that you feel alone, unwanted. Worthless.

- "I wanna call this mother fucker and fucking yell at him the kind of scumbag he is!!"- Frank said as he lit another cigarette and took a look at his watch- "She has been alone for half an hour, do you think she is ok?"

- "Of course, she is not ok, but she has to handle it. She is a grown woman"- Ray answered and sipped his beer.

- "I can’t believe he did this to her"- Mikey whispered- "She, of all the women I’ve known, doesn’t deserve to be treated like this."

A few tears filled his eyes, and he quickly wiped them off, lighting a cigarette too.

- "I’m gonna kill him, as soon as we get home, I’m gonna kill this mother fucker. I’ve got his fucking address, I’m gonna get there, and fucking break every bone in his body with my own hands"- Mikey was losing his cool. He stood up and walked around the hotel’s terrace, and looked at the city lighten in front of him. Frank stared at his friends and stood up too.

- "I’m with you, but we can’t be like this in front of her."

- "I know"- Mikey scratched his head and smoked in silence for a few seconds- "I’m not doing press tomorrow,"- he announced- "I’m staying with her all day long."

- "You can’t just…"- but Gerard’s words were lost in the air knowing his brother wasn’t asking, he was letting them know what he was doing.

- "Maybe we could take turns"- Frankie thought out loud- "You stay with her in the morning, Ray stays with her after lunch, and so on"- they all nodded. Gerard felt excited there was a chance he was going to get time alone with her.

- "Let’s see if she approves it first"- Ray said, and Mikey smiled for a second. He could picture Joey arguing she was ok, and him simply just staying with her, not taking no for an answer. She was going to be pissed.

- "Can we please check on her?"- Gerard tried to ask, but in real life, it sounded like he was begging- "I’m worried"- Ray sighed and took a look at his clock

- "Thirty more minutes"

- "Why at the hour?"- the eldest Way questioned

- "‘Cos she has to put her shit together before we come back, and she knows we’ll come back in an hour."

Joey walked around her room, holding a glass of whiskey. Her third glass of whiskey. Her phone was in her hand, and her finger was about to push “dial.”

- "You can do this"- she said to herself. She had cleaned her face, wiped off all the tears, combed her hair, and taken a long time calming herself down. More than anything, she didn’t want Matthew to see her cry. She couldn’t show any weakness to him.

She knew she would never be fully ready to do this, but if not now, when? So she dialed.

- "Hey Yami!! How’s the movie? Is it over yet?"- Matthew’s face filled the screen, and Joey needed a few seconds to put herself together again. His face was too much to handle. She still loved him too much to see him after what had just happened. Maybe FaceTime hadn’t been the best idea.

- "You cheated on me"- she managed to say. Matthew’s heart stopped- "It’s all over Twitter!!! You fucking cheated on me, and you just pretended it was all perfect??!"

Gubler sat on his couch and looked at his mom, who was next to him, reading. She slowly stood up and walked to the other room. He kept his eyes on Joey’s face and held his breath. Why did he think he could hide it from her? Now, what was he going to say? Was he going to deny it? Could he?

- "Yami, I..."

- "Don’t fucking Yami me, Matt"- she spit the last word with disdain, ‘cos she knew how much he hated being called that way- "You lied, you cheated, and you ruined everything!"

- "Joey, please, listen to me"- the young man stood up and started walking around the room, not knowing what to do or what to say.

- "What should I listen to? Do you think you can talk your way out of this?"- Matthew brushed his hand on his face and scratched his hair, confused and scared.

- "Joey, listen, I was drunk. It didn’t mean anything."

- "What? So being drunk is the perfect excuse for me to accept the fact your ex-girlfriend’s tongue was down your throat, and with another girl too? What the fuck?!"

- "Joey, it didn’t mean anything! It was a mistake!"

- "A “mistake”? How many “mistakes” have you made ever since I left? Tell me."

- "Please, Joey, listen to me. I was drunk, they started dancing, and they kissed me and…"

- "And you fucking took them home and fucked the two of them at the fucking same time. I can picture that very clear, the same fucking bed you said you wanted me to be in."

- "Joey! No!! That’s not what happened!"

- "Then enlighten me, Matthew. Tell me, what the fuck happened?"

Gubler sighed and bit his lips. He didn’t want to tell her, but he knew he had to. She was going to find out the truth one way or another. Maybe if he came clean with her, she would understand. He loved her. She knew that. It was a mistake, a horrible mistake, but it didn’t mean a thing, anything at all.

- "We were at the party, and you called… we talked, and I decided to go home."

- "Sure"- she interrupted sarcastically.

- "Listen, I wanted to go home ‘cos I missed you, but Mark found me and got me a couple of drinks. I was super drunk already when Ann appeared."

- "So you had invited her?"

- "No! No way! I had no idea she was there!"

- "But you got thrilled to see her."

- "I didn’t care! Joey, please, believe me. I was just drunk and stupid, but it didn’t mean a thing!"

- "You fucked her!!"

- "I didn’t fuck neither of them!"

- "There are pictures!! Pictures of you and her and… you were leaving together"

- "We didn’t fuck! Joey, I swear!!"

- "Sorry, but I can’t believe you! I can’t believe a word that’s coming from your lips!"

- "Joey, Yami, baby, love… I swear, I didn’t fuck with them"

- "Then what happened?"

Joey was severe and cold. She had managed not to cry so far, and that made her feel proud. She was devastated and nearly suicidal inside, but she wasn’t going to give Matthew the pleasure of seeing her destroyed because of him. Not that day.

- "Joey… nothing happened."

- "Matthew, if you are going to lie, and I discover that you did…"

- "Ann took me to the back room and decided she wanted to give me a birthday present, so she..." - Joey closed her eyes and threw the phone to the bed.

- "Hijo de la gran puta!! (son of a bitch!!)"- she managed to yell, losing it for a second.

- "It was just a blowjob. Nothing else happened, I swear, Joey! and I stopped her!"- Matthew broke in tears as Joey walked around the room, poured herself another whiskey, and looked at the phone still on her bed.

- "Just a blowjob??! Just a blowjob, Matthew?? Do you fucking believe that shit??"

- "Joey, it meant nothing!!! I didn’t want to do it!!"

- "Bullshit!!"- Joey grabbed the phone again and cut him a look so full of hate Matthew knew he was losing her second by second.

- "Yami, please, I hate myself too, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t give to undo this!! I was too drunk! I thought it was you, and when I saw her, I stopped it"- Joey scoffed and bit her lips to stop the tears- "I regret everything that happened, it was stupid, and it meant nothing, I fucking love you, Joey, you are my bride! you are my love and my whole life!"

- "No"- she quickly replied.

- "Joey, please."

- "No, Matthew. I am not your bride, and I am not your life, not anymore. I am merely the girl you fucking broke and lied to."

- "Please, please try to understand, it wasn’t me, it was a mistake! I didn’t mean it!!"

- "But it happened, Matthew, and that’s it. You can’t undo it."

- "Please, please! you have to forgive me."

- "Why should I forgive you, Matthew? ‘Cos I love you? Is that enough?"- the girl stopped talking, ‘cos her eyes were filled with tears, and she was still making her best not to cry in front of him. But it was getting too hard. Nearly impossible.

- "Joey, please don’t leave me"- the boy begged, his voice as a whisper at the other side of the line. He was crying like a baby, sobbing and walking around his house, not knowing what to do- "Yami, I need you"- every word that came from his lips cracked each of her already shattered heart into another tiny piece.

- "You should have thought of that before, shouldn’t you?"- the girl answered coldly- "You know how much it took me to trust you, Matthew, how much it took me to give you my heart, to you, for the very fucking first time in my life."

- "Please, please… give me another chance…"- he was sobbing, and Joey couldn’t hold it anymore. She broke into tears in front of him as well.

He looked at her, still thinking there was a chance she could forgive him. He didn’t mean to hurt her. It was a mistake. He loved her. She knew it. What did he have to do to change her mind? To keep her by his side.

- "No"- Joey answered, whimpering- "There are no second chances, Matthew."

- "Please, Joey, I am so so so sorry!"

- "Being sorry doesn’t fix anything."

- "I love you"

- "You didn’t care about that when she sucked your dick, did you?"- Joey managed to say, drying the tears from her eyes- "You just fucking enjoyed it, and fucked with my feelings, ‘cos I wasn’t supposed to know."

- "I love you so much"

- "So what?"- she simply answered- "So I should forgive you ‘cos you love me?"

- "I’d do anything for you."

- "You should have started by not cheating."

Joey took a deep breath and looked at Gubler sobbing at the other side of the line, desperate, honestly desperate

- "Bye, Matthew."

- "No, Joey! Wait! Don’t!"

But that was all Joey could handle. She threw the phone back to her bed and fell on the floor, crying her eyes out again. It was too much for her; she wasn’t going to make this alive. Joey loved him so much, but Matthew had damaged her to the edge of sanity. She was proud she had managed the situation mostly cold-headed. She wanted him. She wanted to forgive him so badly. But she couldn’t. She wasn’t going to believe him ever again.

- "Bug?"- Ray opened the door and found her lying on the bed. Mikey ran to her and held her. She wasn’t crying anymore. She looked in shock. He almost broke into tears next to her, not knowing what to do. She merely blinked. She wasn’t talking. She just laid there, curl up, almost lifeless. Barely alive.

Mikey hugged her tight, lying next to her, trying to keep her warm, ‘cos she kept shaking. Frank wiped off the tears from his eyes as he turned around and poured himself a whiskey.

Gerard looked at the scene from a safe distance while Ray tried to talk to Joey, and Frank started drinking, trying not to show how insanely angry he was. Gerard felt like shit. He didn’t think it would affect him so much. But suddenly, he was feeling guilty. Honestly and deeply guilty. He was the one who found out. He was the one who was eager to tell her. He was the one who told her. And an hour ago, he was excited about it, ‘cos it meant she wasn’t going to be with Matthew anymore. But he was so selfish he never stopped himself from thinking what was going to happen to her. How it was going to affect her. And Gerard felt now like a monster.

- "I’m ok kids"- Joey whispered and cut Ray a slight smile- "I’m just tired."

- "Do you want something to eat?"- he asked, but she shook her head- "I’m gonna leave these chocolates here, ok?"

- "Thank you…"- Mikey kissed the top of her head and snuggled her closer. Her phone kept ringing on the floor. Frank quickly grabbed it. It already had five missing calls from Matthew.

- "This mother fucker is gonna…"

- "Please don’t"- but Joey’s words were useless, Frank picked up, ignoring her.

- "Joey!"- Gubler yelled at the other side of the line.

- "Don’t you fucking dare calling her again!!"- Frank yelled with hate- "You are not getting close to her. You are not talking to her. You are dead! Heard me? You are dead to her, and if you fucking get close to her, I am gonna fucking kill you, heard me? I’m gonna kill you!!"

Frank didn’t even let him reply. He hung down and turned off the phone.

- "Why did you do that?"- Joey whispered and took a deep breath.

- "I’m not gonna let that guy hurt you again"- Frank murmured as he kneeled by the bed and kissed her temple sweetly- "Never, I’m not gonna let him make you cry or break your heart again, ok?"

Frank’s words were so full of honesty and emotion, even his voice shook. Tears fell from his eyes, and Joey stared at him in shock. He cared that much for her. It was shocking to realize how much they all cared for her.

- "Thank you, Frank"- he smiled

- "Hey, whatever you need"- he smiled shyly- "Now make room"- the girl and Mikey moved, as Frank crawled on the bed next to her. He wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head as Mikey laid at the other side of her, still cuddling her.

Gerard stared at the scene and wondered how they could just do that, it was what he wanted to do, but he could not move from where he was standing.

- "Wanna watch a movie?"- Ray grabbed the remote control- "Let’s see what we can find"- he knew Pride and Prejudice wasn’t right for the moment, so he tried to find the most random movie he could in pay per view. Die Hard was the chosen one. He and Gerard laid on the bed with the others and didn’t say another word. The girl wanted to be alone, but she knew they weren’t going to let her. It felt good in a way, knowing they cared about her and wanted to be with her at that dark moment.

Matthew was crying, sitting on his bed. He didn’t seem to be able to stop the tears from falling. He held the phone and dialed over and over again. It was off. The wedding was off. His whole life was off at that point. He had made the biggest mistake, and now he knew he couldn’t fix it. But he had to. He wanted to.

- "Yami, please, I’m so sorry"- he talked with her voicemail- "I need you to forgive me, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t want to, it was a mistake"- the call ended, he dialed again- "Yami, I can’t live without you, I can’t, I swear, please, I’m so sorry, I’d do anything you want, anything, but please, please"- the call ended, he dialed again- "Please… Joey, I love you so much, I need you so much, I..."

- "Honey"- his mother whispered as she walked into his room and found him weeping on the phone.

- "She left me, mom"- he whispered and felt her arms around him- "She broke up with me"- he couldn’t say another word ‘cos the tears, and the sobbing didn’t let him talk. His mother kissed his temple and hugged him tightly.

- "You are gonna fix this, baby. It’s gonna be ok."

- "How?"- he managed to murmur.

- "She loves you so much, she is going to forgive you. I know she will."

- "I hurt her mom. She doesn’t deserve this... I don’t deserve her… she is an angel, and I ruined it"- Matthew couldn’t say another word. He just hid his head on his mother’s neck and cried.

Taglist

@all-tings-diego @worryd0ll

#Gerard Way #Matthew gray gubler #mgg angst #mikey way #frank iero #ray toro #mcr #mgg #babymetaldoll writes

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thejilyship · 3 years

Text

Taking the Lead

For @jilychallenge August 2021 Theme: Summer Prompt: "I saw you staring and so decided to try to put on my suncream ~sensually~ but omg the lid just popped off and the whole bottle came out stOP grinning oMG" @thejilyship v @sirenicc I did not think I was going to get this done! Also it's fem!jily. No one should be surprised at this point.

WC: 3.5k AO3

A leadership camp was the absolute last place that Jamie wanted to spend any part of her summer. She and Sirius had made plans to go white water rafting, concert hoping, castle hiking, dive bar hunting and he’d even promised to attend a total of four sperate ballets with her. She did not have time to spend a week in the middle of the Scottish hills singing camp songs with a bunch of people that she didn’t know.

She didn’t need a leadership camp. She was, as almost every single one of her teachers and professors had said, a natural born leader. Some of her teachers had said this with admiration coloring their tone, and others had said it in a ‘your daughter really needs to stop getting the entire class to break into song in the middle of third period’ kind of way, but either way, they had all been in agreement.

She took the bus to camp so she would be less inclined to run off in the middle of it, and she went to the main building to sign in, which she was informed would be hence forth called ‘command center.’ She refrained from rolling her eyes.

She accepted her key and went off to find her dorm with her yellow duffle bag resting on her hip. Since they were all adults, they weren’t making them sleep in groups of twenty or so, and were instead grouped into fours. Jamie’s cabin was number five, which was her lucky number, and so far the only good omen she had gotten from this place.

She knocked before she pushed the cabin door open. Two of her three bunkmates were already there, setting up their beds. A redhead with striking green eyes and a petite brunette with springy hair and a gorgeous smattering of freckles. Jamie smiled at the two of them and they smiled back.

“Hey! My name is Lily,” The redhead held out her hand, bold and assertive. Jamie didn’t think she was in much need of a leadership camp either. “This here is my best friend, Mary.”

“Lily and Mary, it’s nice to meet you both. I’m Jamie.” She pulled her duffle off her shoulder and claimed the open bottom bunk. “Are you best mates in the camp sense, or have you met before today?”

Mary laughed, “Best friends since we were eleven. I dragged Lily along to this camp because I’m incapable of leaving home without her.”

“And it sounded like fun!” Lily added, looking back at her curly haired friend. “Did you know that this camp has a ropes course?” She asked, turning back to Jamie.

“A rope course? And that sounds like fun to you?”

“Of course, it does!”

“Wait until we’re actually on the ropes course,” Mary chuckled, “Lily is afraid of heights.” She tilted her head toward Jamie and raised her brows.

“I’m not afraid of heights,” Lily argued. “I simply… do not… like them.”

“Right.” Mary laughed.

Rooming with best friends might not be the best case scenario, as they already had someone to pair off with for all the group activities they were bound to do over the next week. They had a fourth roommate yet, so Jamie would reserve her pessimistic judgment until then. In the meantime, Lily and Mary seemed like nice people who she could eat meals with if nothing else.

“There’s also a lake,” Lily apparently still found the need to explain why she thought this camp would be fun. “And the weather is supposed to be brilliant this week. Sunny and warm!”

“I’m here for the seminars and workshops, not for the lake.” Mary said.

“You can be here for both.” Lily shrugged. “And, as much as I love you, I’m here for the arts and crafts, camp food and fun activities.”

“Arts and crafts is an activity. And this is a camp for adults, do you really think-“

Lily cut Mary off with a scoff. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. “If you think I didn’t check before I agreed to come, then you have another thing coming, MacDonald.” She turned her phone out so it was facing Mary, and Jamie a bit. Jamie was able to see colorful pictures of string bracelets, painted pottery, and she couldn’t tell what else.

“Well then,” Mary shook her head. “I hope you get to live out your summer camp dreams.”

“Thank you.” Lily nodded, looking rather smug. It was a look that worked for Lily. Her cheeks took on a dusting of pink, her green eyes grew brighter, and she sat up taller. Jamie turned to her duffle to avoid being caught ogling.

There was a knock on the door and the three girls turned in unison.

“Hello, I’m Emma Vanity. I guess I’m your fourth.” She gave a sharp wave and then looked at the three taken beds before her eyes fell onto the unclaimed top bunk above Jamie.

“I’m Mary and this is Lily,” Mary pointed at Lily, who offered a bright smile.

“And I’m Jamie Potter.”

“Potter?” Emma’s brow shot up. “As in Potions by Potter? Are your parents Fleamont and Euphemia Potter?”

“It’s a fairly common last name,” Jamie shrugged. She wouldn’t have added her last name if she had thought someone would recognize it.

“Right,” Emma laughed and dropped her bag to the ground. “Well, either way, I’m sure that you are a greatperson to share a bunk with.” She knew who Jamie was, that was clear.

“Mary’s mother was a circus performer if that interests anyone.” Lily had pulled out a bag of jelly candies and tore one in half with her front teeth. Jamie smiled at her appreciatively.

“Does she still perform?”

“No, she retired when I started school.” Mary said. “But she does teach trapeze classes down at the local leisure center.”

“They’re great fun.” Lily nodded. “Should we go and find ourselves some lunch?”

“I hope you know that they aren’t going to serve bad camp food.” Mary pushed herself off Lily’s bed. “Are you two coming with us?”

Emma looked at Jamie, and since Jamie had no desire to be alone with Emma just then, she smiled at Lily and nodded. “Sure. I’m always ready to eat.”

“I’ll come too,” Emma nodded. “I’ve already memorized the layout of the camp, so you can all follow me.” And then she was walking back toward the door.

Lily, who had just proven herself to be very familiar with the camp, was looking at Emma’s retreating figure with raised brows, but she didn’t say anything and just hopped off her bed.

“Off we go then,” Mary bit her bottom lip and followed Lily. Jamie closed the door behind them.

The sun was out, and it was warm, which Jamie hadn’t fully appreciated before Lily had told her that they could expect this weather to last all week. And she hadn’t known there was a lake. That hadn’t been on her list of fun summer activities she wanted to do with Sirius, but she hadn’t been a beach in a while, and while she was sure the beach on this random camp lake wasn’t brilliant, it would be nice.

Especially if Lily was also there to talk it up.

oOo

Jamie gravitated toward Lily over the next couple of days. At first she thought it was because the other girl’s positive attitude was contagious, and while it was, that wasn’t the sole reason.

Jamie had developed a little bit of a crush.

Except not really, because Jamie had never once developed a ‘little’ crush in her life. It took exactly one day for her to realize that she was already deciding how the two of them would find time for each other after they left camp. Two days in and she had decided that their first pet would be a short haired cat named Mr. Tums, preferable all black.

Three days in and she was almost certain that she was in love.

Not in love in love, she understood that was ridiculous.

No, on day three, she was simply falling in love.

It would be a few more days until she was actually in love.

Lily had her shoulder length hair in twin braids today. Whisps of baby hairs framing her face and she kept reaching up to brush them away from her eyes, which only drew more attention to her eyes and her hair and all the other parts of her face that Jamie couldn’t stop staring at.

And at the moment, she was wearing a bloody bikini as she sat on the towel next to Jamie’s on the small beach the camp had to offer. A bikini.

Jamie was doing everything she could to ignore the bikini, but it was there, and showing off every soft curve and gentle swoop of Lily Evans’ body. Jamie was in a t-shirt and boardshorts, because she couldn’t possibly exist in the space next to Lily Evans wearing anything less than this and keep the ability to speak.

Not that her ability to speak was getting her far. Lily was doing most of the talking.

“What do you think?” Lily reached out and nudged Jamie on the shoulder, her bubblegum pink nails scraping lightly on the sleeve of Jamie’s t-shirt.

The quirk in Lily’s brow let Jamie know that she had missed something. Keeping her clothes on may have left her with the ability to speak, but Lily wearing that bikini had hindered her ability to listen. She’d been so focused on not staring at Lily that she hadn’t remembered to pay attention to what she was saying.

“What do I think about what again?” Jamie asked, not bothering to pretend that she had heard Lily. The knowing smile on Lily’s face should have made Jamie a bit self-conscious, but she liked how smug Lily looked knowing the effect she had on Jamie. She also wanted Lily to know that she liked her, especially since Lily had not acted as though knowing made her even the slightest bit uncomfortable.

“I was asking for your opinion one what we should do this evening. I want to watch the sunset over the lake, but I don’t think I can stay down here until then. I’ll fry. So should we go to the craft cabin and make some more bracelets,” She held up her rope bracelet covered wrist and shook it, “Or should we have an early dinner?”

“Don’t we have a class to go to before dinner?” Jamie asked, looking out at the water after briefly glancing in Lily’s direction.

“I didn’t sign up for anything. Did you?”

“Probably not.” Jamie shrugged. “Mary isn’t upset with you for ditching her?”

Lily snorted. “I’m hardly ditching her. Besides, she knew I wasn’t going to be signing up for anything that wasn’t required. I came for the crafts and the beach. And to share a bunk with her.” She was smiling at Jamie, she could feel it aimed at the side of her head.

“Alright, well then, I think we should stay down here for a while longer and then go and get some dinner. I didn’t really enjoy the bracelet making.”

“You’re just upset that I’m better at it than you.”

“No.” Jamie shook her head. “I can honestly say that I’m not upset because you’re better than me. I’m upset because I can not figure out how to do it at all. All five attempts turned into a tangled knot of colorful string and heartbreak.”

“You picked out great colors,” Lily had her lips pressed together when Jamie mustered up the fortitude needed to face her. She used all the strength she had to keep her gaze on Lily’s face and then let out a huff and laid back on her towel.

“Thanks a million.”

“Of course.” She reached out and patted the back of Jamie’s hand, her bubblegum pink nails drawing Jamie’s eye. “If we’re going to stay for a while more, I should put on more sunscreen.”

Jamie reached for the bag on her right and handed it to Lily and then shut her eyes. She couldn’t watch Lily put on sunscreen. She knew that she wouldn’t handle that well. Especially not when Lily seemed to be in a mind to tease the shit out of Jamie. Which Jamie knew she deserved after the entirely unsubtle way she had told Lily and Mary about her ex-girlfriend. She had blushed immediately after saying it and then muttered about needing a restroom.

Lily hadn’t brought up any exes at all, but she had followed Jamie on Instagram the first night, and it didn’t take a whole lot of work to figure out that Lily also represented a letter or two from the alphabet.

Jamie bit down on the tip of her tongue and wondered how long she would need to keep her eyes closed before it would be safe to open them.

She heard the cap of the sunscreen pop open and started counting, figuring three minutes to be ample time. She took the time to take a few deep breaths, have a few imaginary conversations with Sirius where he called her a dumbass, whacked her over the head and told her to make her move, and then tried to clear her head of any and all nonsense.

“Where do you head back to after this week?” Lily asked, and Jamie almost opened her eyes.

“Winchester. My brother and I are staying with our parents for the summer, and we have a lot of plans. This camp actually threw a bit of a wrench in our plans, but da wanted me to come here.”

“He didn’t want your brother to come?”

Jamie snorted. “Can you imagine? I mean, da did ask him if he wanted to, but Sirius is very… anti-group activities.”

“What plans were ruined?” Jamie turned her head and opened her eyes, figuring the sun screening was done with now.

It was not.

Lily was rubbing it into her shoulders, her hands moving slowly and her nails contrasting sharply with the pale tone of her skin.

Jamie’s mouth went dry and she tried to swallow.

Lily’s brow went up and Jamie cleared her throat. “Ballet.”

“What?”

“The ballet. I got Sirius to agree to go to a few different shows with me, which he never does, and I’m missing one of them to be here.”

The tip of Lily’s pink tongue peeked out from between her lips and Jamie bit down on her own tongue. What was it about this girl that had Jamie acting like a randy, seventeen-year-old, boy?

“The ballet? I didn’t picture you-“

“I’m actually a ballerina.”

Lily blinked her big green eyes and brought her shoulder up to her chin.

“I mean, I saw the pictures of you with your dance bag, but I guess I just…” Jamie hadn’t posted any recent pics of her in anything dance related, and so she smirked at the knowledge that Lily had been snooping.

“You didn’t picture me as a ballerina? What kind of dancer did you think I was?”

“Honestly? I thought you were a theater dancer.”

Jamie chuckled. “I mean, I have dabbled in the theater.”

“Dabbled? I think it’s you use of words like ‘dabbled’ that made me think theater actually.”

“Dabbled is a normal word.”

“Sure, and it made me think ‘theater kid.’” Lily turned back to the bottle of sunscreen and picked it up, squeezing some onto her hand before she angled one of her legs and started rubbing her hands together. The point of her toe, the angle of her head, it was all deliberate. Jamie knew that it was all deliberate, but she didn’t care. She watched on bated breath as Lily started working the sunscreen into her leg. She started at her upper thigh and worked her way down to the ankle, slowly, making sure to cover every inch of skin.

“How long have you been a ballerina?”

Jamie had to unclench her jaw to answer. “Since I was about five.”

“And when did you dabble in the theater?” Lily’s voice was even and normal, like she wasn’t currently putting on a show for Jamie. She should have kept her eyes shut. She should close her eyes right now, but she knew that she wasn’t going to.

“Um… I think the first musical I was in, I was eight? Mum was helping out with…” She trailed off as Lily angled her other leg and started on that thigh. “Mum was helping with costumes. It was just a small local production.”

“Of what?”

“Fiddler on the Roof.” Jamie hoped that she was answering Lily’s questions, but she really wasn’t paying attention to what either of them were saying. For the first time since she’d seen Lily in this stupid bikini, she was allowing herself to look at her. She was drinking it in.

Jamie was pretty sure that Lily said something else, and half of her brain heard it, though it took a while to get it all pieced together. “I’ve seen Fiddler on the Roof. Mary was a theater kid, so I’ve actually seen a lot of musicals.”

“Good.” Jamie nodded, even though she knew that wasn’t really a top notch response.

Lily picked up the bottle of sunscreen and popped the cap open again, and Jamie could feel the pop in the back of her teeth. She watched Lily tighten her hand around the bottle, squeezing more onto her open palm.

“I might need your help with my back-“

About two seconds before Jamie would have had a heart attack and passed away right there on the small camp beach in the middle of nowhere, the top of the bottle came off and, with Lily still squeezing the bottle, the sunscreen went everywhere. It splattered all over Lily’s lap, chest and towel. It got on Jamie too, a large glob landing on the lens of her glasses.

They both froze for a minute before Jamie looked up at Lily from her one clear lens. Lily’s cheeks were bright red and she was looking at the still dripping bottle as though it had purposefully ruined her plans to send Jamie to an early grave.

The building tension crumbled like a saltine cracker.

“That’s what you get,” Jamie said, reaching over and wiping a large glob off of Lily’s nose. Then she started laughing as Lily turned to look at her. Her cheeks stayed red, but she cracked a grin. “That was totally deserved!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lily shook her head and dropped the offending bottle. She started smearing and wiping at all the excess sunscreen, wiping her hands on her towel to get it off. “I wasn’t doing anything.”

Jamie started laughing harder. “You’re a liar.”

Lily bit down on her bottom lip, still shaking her head. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You most certainly do know what I mean, and now you’ve made a mess of yourself.”

“The cap broke! I don’t know why you’re telling me I deserve it.”

Jamie reached over and swiped at another glob at Lily’s shoulder. “Sure, Evans.” She whipped her hand so it landed somewhere in the grass and then got another glob from Lily’s hair. “So that’s just how you normally put on sunscreen?”

“Of course it is.”

“I can’t wait to see how your normally put on your pajamas tonight.”

Lily’s face went a shade or two darker and Jamie laughed again.

“You know what, if I was putting it on… a certain sort of way, it was only because you were looking at me-“

“I hadn’t been looking at you!” Jamie took her glasses off and carefully went about cleaning them. “I had very deliberately not been looking at you. You waited until I was looking at you.”

Lily was quiet until Jamie looked over at her, having to squint in order to see the look on her face. She put her glasses back on to confirm that she was looking smug. She was. “Okay, but then you couldn’t take your eyes off me.”

“Have you ever heard the phrase, in for a penny, in for a pound?”

Lily narrowed her brow in confusion. “I have.”

“I’ve only ever had fancied three people in my life, including yourself,” Lily sat up straighter and Jamie felt her cheeks heat but shook her head. Lily had already known that Jamie fancied her. “Yes, go and head a preen over it.”

“I am flattered,” Lily, still covered in globs of sunscreen, waved her hair back over her shoulder with one of her hands. Then she looked at Jamie expectantly.

Jamie sucked in a sharp breath through her nose and released it all at once. “Where do you live, Evans? And how far is it from Winchester?”

“And why do you ask?”

“Because I’ve a feeling that we’ll have some unfinished business come Friday.”

And then Lily laughed, and Jamie felt it all the way to the tips of her toes.

#jily #jily challenge #fem!jily #jilychallenge #my fic #fel writes jily

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hanniiesuckle17 · 4 years

Text

Stray Kids Reaction: First Kiss

A/n: I hope you like it! I think these turned out super cute! feel free to request again!

Requested by: @tropicalwrites (thank you bb)

Tag List: @distrikt9 @mini-meanhoe @poeticallyspaghetti (Tag List is open)

Bangchan:

Dates with Chan had been sparse lately. It wasn’t his fault. They were doing promotions for a comeback and Chan had absolutely zero free time and any time he did have, despite his protests, you wanted him to spend resting. “Y/n, please! I wanna see you!” Chan whined over the phone.

You sighed and looked at the time. The boys were still at the company, but would most likely be at the dorms in an hour or two. “Okay how about this. I’ll come over to the dorms and cook dinner for you and the boys tonight. That way you guys can have dinner as soon as you get home.” There was silence on the phone. “Chan? Chris? You there, love?”

“Sorry, you just made my heart explode.”

You laughed and hung up the phone. After a short car ride, you were inside the dorm and cooking a nice dinner for your incredible boyfriend and his band members. The steam from the cooking vegetables were starting to make you sweat a little. Grabbing a clip from your bag you pulled your hair out of your face and continued making the boys a good meal.

“Y/NNNNNNNNN!” Several boys screamed as the dorm door burst open. You smiled and finished putting food on plates. Felix attacked you with a hug and Hyunjin and Jisung followed soon after. “This looks really good, Y/n,” Felix said when everyone was seated at the table, Chan beside you. “I’m glad to have a break from cooking for these weirdos.”

Soon Chan was sending all the boys off to bed with full bellies and food comas. “I’ve missed you so much,” He said taking your hands and sitting on the arm of the couch. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to see you and talk to you, to hold you, and... other things,” Chan said blushing.

“What kind of other things?”

Chan looked down and shrugged, his dimples making a shy appearance. You watched him play with your fingers, subconsciously pulling you closer to him. It didn’t take a psychic to know what was on his mind. With a smile, you leaned down and pressed your lips against his. He smiled into the kiss, his thumb rubbing over your skin. When you pulled away Chan had the dopiest grin across his face. He fell back onto the couch, staring up at the ceiling in a trance making you laugh.

“That was so awesome.”

Minho:

Minho sat next to you on the couch. He wasn’t necessarily close to you, but he wasn’t on the farthest side of the sofa either. The boys had been hinting that maybe your feelings for Minho were reciprocated. You had been reading into everything lately and you still came up with nothing. Minho was impossible.

The focus of the boy next to you was heavily trained on his phone. Some random game was enticing his attention away from you. Giving up, you crossed your arms and stared at the TV.

After letting out many precisely planned sighs hoping to grab Minho’s attention and failing you conceded and started flipping channels. Settling for a drama you watched the soap opera romance that played out on the screen. An hour passed and your stomach was beginning to growl.

“I’m gonna order a pizza.” You said pulling out your phone. Minho hummed in response. rolling your eyes you walked into the kitchen to grab a soda for you and the thick headed boy in your living room. The doorbell rang and you looked to the couch. Minho showed no sign of getting up still zoned in on his phone. “Don’t worry I’ll get it.” Your feet trudged over the door and you gave the pizza guy a half assed smile.

“Hi! That will be $22.46.” The boy smiled when you handed him the money as well as a nice tip. “Thanks, have a good night!”

You closed the door and plopped back onto the couch setting the pizza on the coffee table. A hand grabbed your wrist before you could open the hot cardboard box. Minho smashed his lips on yours, hand coming to the back of your neck. He pushed you onto the couch, hovering on top of you. Caught up in the moment your hands tangled in his hair enticing Minho to deepen the kiss.

As quickly as he had come onto you, he retreated, moving back to his previous spot on the couch and reaching for the pizza. You lay on the couch, completely confused. “What the hell was that?” Minho shrugged acting as if nothing had happened.

“What?” He picked up a slice and took a bite out of it. “I’m not allowed to kiss my girlfriend?”

You shook your head in disbelief. What? “Girlfr- What? When did this happen?” Again he shrugged like this was common knowledge you were the dumbest person on the planet, and you were starting to feel that way. He thought you were dating already?

“Y/n, you’ve cat-sitted for me at least twenty times. In my book, we are in a committed relationship after ten.” He handed you a slice of pizza and turned back to the TV. You watched as he threw an arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his side. “Congrats on being my girlfriend, dummy.”

Changbin:

“Seo Lewis Changbin!”

“Oh no.” Your best friend mumbled. He took off his headphones and turned to see you marching through the door of his studio. The pissed off expression on your face said everything and also nothing. Changbin only had a matter of seconds to recount everything he had done in the last twenty-four hours and apologize or face the consequences. “Hi, gorgeous, how’s your day?”

You simply rose an eyebrow and he quickly shut up. “Changbin, do you have something to tell me?” You could see the gears turning in his brain. The gears screaming ‘what did I do wrong this time’.

It was honestly a little fun to watch him squirm. You crossed your arms and ignored the giggles coming from the other side of the studio door. You knew Felix and Seungmin had followed you down the hall. They were the ones who told you about Changbin in the first place. “I’m sorry that I used your sweatshirt to clean up Minho’s cat piss. But you can have my hoodie.”

“YOU WHAT?”

He screamed as my hands attacked any unshielded spot on his body. “Stop! STOP! I BRUISE EASILY!” You huffed and stepped away. Changbin rubbed his bicep as if you had actually hurt him. “I’m sorry okay!” He scorched farther away from you. Though you had gotten him to confess it wasn’t the secret you were looking for.

“While I am pissed about that, and you will be getting me a new hoodie, that isn’t what I was talking about.” Changbin watched with wary eyes as you inched forward and leaned on the arms of his office chair. “I had a little conversation with Seungmin and Felix earlier.” Changbin visibly gulped.

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes.”

“They sold me out?”

“They did indeed.” Changbin’s ears turned a dark shade of red. How you had never noticed your effect on your best friend before you would never know. Possibly because you were too focused on your own infatuation. Leaning forward, you pressed your lips to his, capturing them in a sweet kiss. Tilting your head you let your teeth drag slowly across Changbin’s bottom lip.

“Was that like a friend kiss or-?” Changbin asked when you pulled away. You rolled your eyes and kissed him again before he could ask another stupid question.

Hyunjin:

Hyunjin was walking you home after a late night boba date. His hand was intertwined with yours as you walked in the warm spring air. “When is your next free day?” You asked swinging your hands as you strolled down the dimly lit streets. You felt safe with your boyfriend next to you.

He hummed, head lifting to the sky in thought. “I think...two weeks from now?” You sighed and he brought your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “I know, baby.” It was hard not seeing Hyunjin. He himself was having withdrawal issues from your company and the boys were starting to notice. His dating ban wasn’t up for another three months, so the two of you had to sneak around.

“What about nights?” He shooked his head ‘no’ and stopped under a street lamp. Leaning you back against the steel pole, you looked up at Hyunjin. “What about before morning meetings?” Hyunjin laughed, the sound making you smile.

He ran a hand through his blonde hair and dragged his touch down your arm. “Y/n, you and I both know neither of us are going to get up at four thirty in the morning.” You laughed and pulled Hyunjin closer to you, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Hyunjin gave you a soft smile and looked down at you. He made your heart pound in your chest. “I don’t know how I’m going to make it two weeks without you, Jinnie.” He sighed, nuzzling into your neck.

“Believe me, if you can’t then I definitely won’t.” You ran a hand through his soft hair making him sigh in content. Eventually, he pulled away and stared at you with longing. His eyes looked from your eyes to your mouth in question. After seeing the smallest nod he leaned in pressing his lips against yours.

You smiled into the kiss, threading your fingers through Hyunjin’s hair. He pulled away and rested his forehead against yours. “What if I just ran away with you right now?”

“Jisung would absolutely murder you. You’re supposed to record tomorrow.” You said a little breathless, wanting his lips on yours again.

“True. Very true.” He came back, another fiery kiss being shared between you. His tongue swiped across your bottom lip before slipping into your mouth. The two of you savored your last moments together under the dim golden glow of the street lamp.

Jisung:

“Hey, handsome,” You answered your ringing phone.

Jisung’s tired voice came through the call. “Y/n, baby, can you come over to the dorm?” You checked your watch and saw it was almost 2:30 in the afternoon. Usually, he was at the studio until three in the morning.

“Sure. I’ll be there in like ten minutes.” Slipping on a big hoodie and your shoes you grabbed your wallet and car keys and drove over to the dorms. When you got there most of the boys were in the kitchen or the common room. “Hi guys! Where’s Jisung?”

Chan waved and gave you a hug. “Oh- he’s in his room. Top bunk.” The boys waved as you walked by and you knocked quietly on the last door. A muffled voice belonging to your boyfriend told you to come in. You saw a single sweatpant covered leg hanging off one of the top bunks. Jisung’s head peeked over the side and he gave you a smile.

“Hi!” He said sleepily. Your sock feet padded over to the bed and you looked at him from over the side. “You wanna take a nap with me?” There was no helping the laugh that escaped.

“You called me just to take a nap with you?” He nodded, his eyes already droopy. It looked like he was waiting to fall asleep until you arrived. With a sigh, you began climbing up the ladder and Jisung lifted up the covers giving you a place to lay on his chest. “This is a tiny bed.”

“Shhhh. It’s nap time baby.”

Eventually, the both of you fell asleep. It was easy to relax in Jisung’s arms. He radiated warmth with his arms and legs wrapped around you. Soon your eyes blinked open only to find a dark room. You reached over Jisung to grab his phone. You looked to see it was nearing 11 o’clock at night. “What’s wrong, babe?” Jisung mumbled feeling you move. You told him the time and he laughed. “There’s no point in you leaving, so why don’t you just spend the night?” He whispered.

He smiled feeling you nod and he started running his long fingers through your hair. In the low light, you could only barely make up the features of Jisung’s face. You were only slightly surprised to feel Jisung’s lips on yours. The kiss was slow and sleepy, but sweet none the less. Your hands already around his stomach slipped under his shirt., feeling his warm skin.

Sleepy kisses were exchanged, Jisung’s long fingers playing with your hair and holding you close in the dark. He pulled you on top of him, leaving no space between you. After a while, the both of you fell back asleep and didn’t wake until morning

Felix:

Felix got a running start before launching himself off the cliff and into the water. You watched from the shore of the little alcove the two of you had found. You cheered seeing your boyfriend resurface in the center of the clear watering hole. “You gonna try?” He called, treading water. You shook your head, and he rolled his eyes. “Come on, there’s a smaller ledge, closer to the water.”

You looked to the rock face Felix had climbed moments earlier. The colors of green and blue were vibrant around you, making your own little paradise. “Fine.” Felix smiled, seeing you shed your coverup and began swimming back to the shore. He took your hand and led you to a smaller ledge half as high as the one he had previously jumped off of. The waterfall roared next to you and Felix laced his fingers with yours.

“Ready?” You nodded, a nervous smile on the corner of your mouth. You were comforted seeing Felix’s grin. “3, 2,..1!” The two of you leaped from the ledge and into the cool clear water, screams escaping as you fell. Felix held onto your hand tightly as the two of you sank beneath the water’s surface. “Wasn’t that fun?” He exclaimed as the two of you swam above the surface.

“Yeah, okay. That was fun.”

Felix smiled as the two of you treaded water. “You wanna do something else fun?” Before you could answer Felix started swimming to the waterfall. Trusting him, you followed. He gently took your hand, lifting you up on the slippery rocks. He led the two of you carefully behind heavy curtain of water into a tiny cave. The roaring of the falls echoed in the small space, obstructing your view of your secret alcove.

“Wow!” You said, reaching your hand under the water. Felix grinned, wet hair falling in front of his eyes. Stepping carefully, he made his way over to you wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Can I kiss you?”

Your eyes widened at his bluntness, but you nodded palms resting against his bare chest. Hesitantly, Felix leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. The kiss was slow at first, then picked up as Felix grew more confident. His lips danced against yours, one of his hands coming to tangle in your hair. The two of you parted, breathe heavy and lovestruck grins plastered on your faces.

Felix pulled away and started to do a little dance making you laugh. “What the hell are you doing?” He just continued to do his weird little dance as you watched and laughed at your dorky boyfriend behind the waterfall.

Seungmin:

Two weeks after Seungmin and you started dating, he and the rest of the boys left for a US tour. Thankfully his dating ban had been lifted early after an analysis by the company, so Seungmin was free to spend time with you anytime he wanted as long as it didn’t interfere with his schedules.

Your fingers tapped against your steering wheel. The red light turned green and you drove the rest of the way to the airport. Chan called you early this morning, about two hours ago, and told you their flight was getting in at five-thirty in the morning. You yawned, pulling into Seoul International Airport. Seungmin had called you the night before and told you not to bother meeting him since they would be arriving so early in the morning. But, you were determined.

After asking an attendant she directed you the flight gate the boys would be coming from. The sign you had made in the last hour, was bumping up against your legs as you ran through the cold airport. Seungmin’s sweatshirt was blocking the cold air from hitting your skin as you looked for gate A6.

A few other people were waiting as you approached the gate, but you pushed your way to the front. Your eyes frantically searched the sea of people as passengers came off the plane. Spotting Chan’s curly frizzy hair you held up your sign with a huge grin on your face.

Chan spotted you first and then laughed at your sign. He called back into the group of boys behind him, who all turned to look at you. Before you knew it, your boyfriend was pushing himself to the front of the group and he laughed when he saw your sign, falling to the ground and covering his face.

‘Welcome Home Hot Stuff’ the sign read with a funny meme of Seungmin that Felix had sent you a couple days ago glue on the poster board. Not wanting to be apart from you anymore Seungmin ran over and wrapped you up in his arms. “Y/n, I have missed you so much. Why are you here? It’s 5:30! Is this my sweatshirt? I can’t believe you’re here! Honey, I’ve missed you so much-”

You smashed your lips against his cutting off his ramblings. After getting over the shock, Seungmin kissed you back, dropping everything in his hands. He cupped your face, thumbs brushing over your cheeks. Your head was spinning in the best way possible. “Welcome home, Minnie.” You whispered against his lips, making him smile.

“Let’s go get breakfast.” He said with a smile and took the sign from you, looking at your craft project.

Jeongin:

Jeongin and you lay on the floor of your dorm room a board game between the two of you. Rain pelted against your window, thunder rolling outside. Jeongin moved his game piece six spaces before looking up at you with a smile. You sat with a mug of warm tea in your hands and Jeongin’s hoodie swallowing you in warmth.

“You are too cute,” Jeongin mumbled, leaning his cheek into his palm.

Attempting to hide your blush, you brought the steaming cup up to your mouth and took a sip. “Jeongin, really you don’t have to stay here. I’m no scared of the storm.” He shrugged and rolled the dice for you, moving it four spaces. You got up, the sweatshirt falling over your shorts. The mug clunked against the wood as you set it on your desk.

Jeongin watched you walk over and pulled you down into his lap. “What if I’m the one scared of the storm?” He questioned, pushing a piece of hair away from your face. Rolling your eyes you giggled and kissed his cheek. “Okay, you’re right. I’m not scared of the storm.”

“Innie, you’re welcome to stay as long as you want. My roommate is staying at her boyfriend’s.”

Jeongin smiled, placing a loving kiss on the side of your neck. He reached over and rolled the dice as lightning flashed outside. The cold air of the dorm made you snuggled deeper into the warm fabric of Jeongin’s hoodie. Sensing movement in his lap he wrapped a protective arm around you as he moved his game piece with his other hand.

“I think I’m going to win in the next two moves.” You said, causing your boyfriend to turn his head. He looked at you with raised brows and laughed.

“Oh really?”

You nodded and moved your piece to the final block on the board. “Yep. I win.” Jeongin laughed and looked into your eyes. His knuckles brushed over your cheek his breath ghosting over your lips. You inched forward, desperately wanting to close the small gap between you. A smirk tilted on the corner of Jeongin’s mouth, seeing your impatience.

Softly, gently, his lips pressed against yours. His lips tasted like coffee, and he smelled like the rain that was falling outside. You dragged your lips against his savoring every moment with him. As you pulled away Jeongin chases after your lips, making you giggle.

Your eyes looked to the window and Jeongin trailed his lips tenderly down your jaw, before resting his chin on your shoulder. “You stand corrected.” He whispered, kissing your lips again. “I win.”

Requests are open lovelies! Just send an ask!

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stargaze-sunflower · 3 years

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✨Triplet bonding!!✨

Summary: Louie is worried that he's being left behind.

Ao3 Link Word Count: 1913

Somewhere in another room in the mansion – somewhere far enough away so as not to startle him but still close enough to hear – a clock chimed midnight.

Louie was sitting huddled on the ground against the wall near the front door, his hood over his head and his phone in his lightly shaking hands, staring don at the lit screen displaying countless unanswered texts. He’d been trying to contact Huey and Dewey for hours; casually at first, but then growing more and more restless.

Sometime around noon, Huey, Dewey, and Webby had left the house, going somewhere to do something. They hadn’t told him where they were going, and they certainly hadn’t invited him, so it was safe to say that it was meant to be an adventurous outing.

And while Louie didn’t want to go, he also didn’t want to be left behind. He didn’t want to be in danger, but he didn’t want his family to be in danger either, so there was really no way to win. There was no angle out.

His siblings used to ask him if he wanted to go, of course, and sometimes he could get up the nerve to shrug and agree, but other times he’d feign apathy and decline. Somewhere along the way, ‘no’ became the only answer he could give, and he supposed that it only made sense that they’d eventually stop asking. He’d known that it would happen, he’d known for a while, but it still stung to watch them leave and not know why.

Huey or Dewey or Webby used to tell him all about their plans – which would surely go south, at some point – and then they’d invite him to come along. Louie would be frozen for several seconds, fighting with himself and trying not to let it show on his face. If he said yes, he’d spend the day choking on terror and wishing he’d said no; if he said no, he’d spend the day tense and worried and distracted, wishing he’d said yes.

The more he said yes, the more frequently bad things happened to him, and the more he wanted to say no. It was a vicious cycle and a dangerous game, one that he never seemed to win. He dreaded the question being asked, but he equally dreaded the day they’d stop asking – the day they finally gave up on him.

And that day had finally come, the realization dawning on him as he watched his siblings leave the house together with no indication of where they were going. His heart had plummeted to an all-time low, and it hurt even though he’d seen it coming.

He’d held out for about an hour before he gave in and texted to check on them. Webby didn’t have a phone, so he’d been left attempting to text his brothers on and off for the rest of the day, to no avail. His messages became increasingly frantic, in a lowkey ‘Louie’ kind of way. Eventually, he found Dewey’s phone in their shared room, because he’d apparently forgotten it in his rush to leave the house on an adventure that Louie hadn’t been—

Anyway. He focused his efforts on Huey, who continued to not answer. And that wasn’t normal, because Huey always answered, especially when it was family. Around the time the sun went down, Louie’s messages stopped sending altogether, and his panic had overwhelmed him so much that he’d sat on Huey’s bed for an hour just trying to calm down.

Then he’d paced in their room for an unknown amount of time before finally giving in and going downstairs to stand watch by the front door. He continued his pacing for a while, but eventually his knees became too shaky and his breaths were coming too fast and shallow, so he’d pulled his hood over his head and hunched down against the wall in an attempt to make himself as small as he felt, which in reality would be physically impossible without Gyro’s shrinking ray.

The clock chimed midnight, and Louie’s resolve to not completely break down crumbled. Walls only held for so long, after all, and his had been flimsy to begin with.

Tears collected in his eyes and dripped down his face, not at all deterred by him closing them. The ball of nerves that had been strangling his lungs expanded and squeezed tighter, writhing like a living thing, and he brought his hands up over his heart as if that would help, as if his hands could ever do anything but hurt.

His phone clattered to the floor, the screen going dark and leaving Louie alone in the shadows. He gasped at the sound of it hitting the ground, irrationally startled by it and it put him even more on edge. He buried his head in his knees, crying like he was five years old and Huey and Dewey had gone to play a game without him.

He missed them. He missed Huey, he missed Dewey, he missed Webby. He—

“Louie?”

He’d missed the sound of the door opening.

Louie stiffened at the voice, even though he’d been wanting to hear it for hours now. He stayed still for a moment, staring at his legs at he listened to the hesitant shuffling of the people who’d just come inside. He felt cold and too warm at the same time.

A gentle hand landed on his shoulder suddenly, and he jumped a bit, finally lifting his head to make hesitant eye contact with Huey, who was kneeling in front of him with a terribly concerned look in his eyes, which were not-so-subtly checking him for any kind of injury. Dewey was standing behind him, fidgeting from side to side. Louie looked away and sniffed, hugging his knees tighter to his chest.

“What’s wrong?” Huey asked, worry making his voice higher pitched than it usually was. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

Louie shook his head, certain that his voice would break if he tried to talk, and he wiped at his face with the sleeve of his hoodie, making an effort to pull himself back together. Now that he didn’t have to worry about his brother’s safety, he could start worrying about how on earth he was going to explain what they’d walked in on.

“No, I— I’m not hurt. Nothing happened,” Louie said, and he cleared his voice when it came out weak hoarse. He tried for a wry smile, but was certain that it fell flat. “Welcome home?”

Huey’s brow furrowed, and he fully plopped down in front of him, sitting cross legged and moving his hand from his shoulder to hold Louie’s own, because Huey probably remembered that that helped, when Louie was overwhelmed.

“This doesn’t seem like nothing,” Dewey said, speaking up for the first time as he came closer. “It seems like a lot of something.”

Louie glanced at his brother as he dropped down to sit next to him against the wall, and without really thinking about it, Louie drifted a little closer.

“It wasn’t a lot of something,” Louie said quietly, when it seemed like no one else was going to talk. “It was more like— like too much of nothing.”

No siblings, no information, no texts. Nothing.

“Where did you go?” Louie changed course, trying to ask the question without making it sound like an accusation.

He couldn’t see it, but he could tell that Huey and Dewey had shared a look. Louie hunched a little further in on himself, already feeling like he shouldn’t have asked, even though chances were that his brothers didn’t mind.

“Okay, so, it’s kind of a long story,” Dewey began, a little awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. “You’ve seemed a little down lately, so we wanted to surprise you with, like, a cupcake or something, but then Webby saw a thrift store or antique shop or whatever it was, and she thought she could find you some shiny stuff you might like—”

“Long story short, we stumbled across a cursed object and dealt with the consequences for ten hours straight,” Huey interrupted, and Louie finally noticed that his brother was missing his hat. “The thing kept teleporting us to random parts of the world, and teleporting back to us if we tried to throw it away, and it was really just a whole mess. My phone was fried.”

“Oh,” Louie said weakly, unsure of which emotion to feel. There was warmth that his siblings cared enough to want to do something nice, and there was worry that even a simple outing turned dangerous so quickly, and there was sheepishness at how much he felt he’d overreacted. “I guess that’s why you didn’t answer the phone, huh?”

“You were trying to call me?” Huey asked, and Louie shrugged tiredly. “Why?”

“I was worried,” Louie said, which didn’t cover even half of what he’d been feeling, but he was too exhausted to really get into it. It explained enough anyway; Huey and Dewey would know what he meant.

“Oh,” Huey said, sounding a little guilty, and Louie squeezed his hand.

“It’s fine,” said Louie, heading off any apology at the pass. “It wasn’t your fault.”

Dewey grabbed his other hand, and Louie found himself leaning into him, smiling a little when Dewey switched to hugging instead. Huey was remarkably good at comforting Louie with words, but Dewey gave the best hugs. Not that he would ever tell him that.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Huey asked, and Louie opened eyes he hadn’t realized he’d closed.

“…Not tonight,” Louie answered, blinking slowly and yawning, offering Huey a tired smile. “Sleep would be better.”

Huey met Dewey’s eyes above his head, a twinkle in his eye, and Louie didn’t have time to protest before Dewey was picking him up and slinging him over his shoulder.

“Wha— Dewey!” Louie hissed, as quietly as he could. ”Put me down!”

“Nerp!” Dewey shot back enthusiastically, shifting Louie so that he was getting more of a piggyback ride than a fireman’s carry. “We’re gonna hang blankets from my bunk and sleep in yours.”

Louie sighed and went limp except for his arms, which he linked around Dewey’s neck as they started to their room. Huey walked past them with an amused smirk on his face and fond eyes, and Louie glared playfully.

“Are we inviting Webby to this sleepover?” Louie asked sarcastically.

“Of course!” Huey said, smiling back at them. “She would’ve come in with us, but she wanted to climb through the second floor window.”

Louie chuckled a little, feeling his breathing finally return to a healthy speed.

“I was wondering about that,” Louie said, grinning a little. “I guess you didn’t lose her in some faraway place, then.”

“’Course not,” Dewey said lightly, completely unaware that he was about to say something very important. “No one gets left behind in this family! That’s like, the number one rule.”

Louie blinked, the last of the tension melting out of his frame. No one gets left behind. They weren’t ever going to leave him on purpose, and if one day they didn’t have a choice, then chances were that they’d come back. It wasn’t complete certainty, but it never would be, with his family. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough.

Louie fell asleep before they made it to their room, and he woke up surrounded by his siblings.

It was more than enough.

#ducktales #ducktales fanfiction #ducktales fanfic #huey duck #dewey duck #louie duck #my fic #this just happened #most of my fics are the same djsakdajdsj i just #Louie: needs reassuring #Huey and Dewey: reassure him #the system works ig #hope you like it!!#and yayy i'm finally posting something before midnight!

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lonelyreputation · 4 years

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“Cuts!” (Dad!Shawn)

A/N: Well…After mobile decided to just do away with this whole fic…Here it is! Again!! Woot! Gotta love google docs though! Also! Thank you, thank you THANK YOU for all your kind words with Chameleon! It’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, so your kind word have made me 🥺

But I figured some fluff is in need after it soooo…Here’s some Dad!Shawn🥳

Summary: Your kid runs on stage in the midst of Shawn performing

MASTERLIST | LET’S CHAT 🥂

Warnings: absolutely none😌

WC: 3.1K // Fluff

You’d never forget the feeling the first time Shawn asked you to watch one of his shows side stage. You were just nineteen, hopelessly enamored with the boy who played guitar, that looked back at you after every song. And to reassure him, you always gave him a thumbs up.

And you’d never forget the day where you first watched a show with his family and friends. You were twenty-one, not knowing how it took you this long to watch a show with his family and friends, but then again, a relationship between an international pop-star and a university student was a bit challenging. You sang with his mom, kept your voice low as you talked with his dad about how proud both of you were of him, and held Aaliyah’s hand as the two of you danced around.

Then later on in your relationship, you eventually invited your friends and family to see Shawn perform. And soon after that, it was both of your families watching Shawn from the side stage. And even after years of watching him, he still looked back at you after every song, and you still gave him a reassuring thumbs up.

And now with being married to Shawn…It was time to take your son––Jake––to his father’s shows and watch from the side stage.

It was a very hot and muggy summer night as Shawn played an amphitheater somewhere in the United States. While you and Shawn wanted to have your kid live a normal life as much as possible, that meant not traveling around with Shawn for the entirety of tour. Jake was five and had his own little world of sports, making friends, and summer camps in Toronto.

You always thought standing side stage was the best view. With the crew members rushing by, Cez off to the side mumbling into his headset, and Andrew typing on his phone while glancing up every once in a while…It made you feel like you were nineteen again.

Caught up in your own nostalgia of when you first dated Shawn, you almost didn’t feel the tug on your shorts.

Looking down, you smiled at your son who was an exact replica of his dad with his straight brown hair––that you knew would curl as he got older––and a smile that you would do anything for.

You bent down to his height and smiled, “Yeah?”

“Hungry!” He shouted at you while pointing to his stomach. With the protective headphones you and Shawn made him wear, he was compensating for not being able to hear his voice loud enough, which made you chuckle.

You nodded your head, placed your hands on your knees before standing up, and reached a hand out for him to take. He gripped his little hand around yours and you felt your heart swell up because how on earth did you and Shawn make an absolute perfect person.

Walking back to the dressing room for the snacks, Jake would either enthusiastically high-five or fist bump every crew member he saw. The smile on his face when they reciprocated his high-five made your heart swell even more. Jake was just like your husband in that sense, always loving the attention he got from people.

Once you made it to Shawn’s dressing room, Jake pointed at his protective headphones, “Mommy! Can I take these off!”

With a soft laugh, you nodded your head as you walked over, taking them off for him. Once his headphones were off, he made a dash to the table in the back.

It warmed your heart to see animal crackers and fruit snacks on the table with juice boxes in the mini-fridge. Whenever Shawn knew you and Jake were coming out to see him on the road, he always added Jake��s favorite snacks to his rider so that they would be in his dressing before they arrived.

The first time Shawn did it melted your heart, and he continued to have Jake’s favorite snacks on demand. Sometimes he would even request some rice krispy treats or chocolate brownies. That would earn him a glare from you, but he always said he wanted to give his son something special when he came and visited his dad.

And then the eye roll you gave your husband would always turn into soft eyes.

“Jake,” You said his name, and he looked up at you with wide eyes, as he stuck his whole hand into his mouth to put one snack in his mouth, “We don’t want to miss the show, come on.”

He nodded his head and grabbed a red box of animal crackers as he scurried over to you, “Is daddy done soon?”

You nodded your head, “He’ll be done in a little bit,” you said as you made sure his protective headphones were snug in place on his head.

“Can I sleep in the tiny bed on daddy’s bus again!” Jake was now back to his yelling, “It’s like a fort!”

Before you left the room, you picked him up so you could walk to the stage faster, and answered his question, raising your voice just a tad so he could hear you, “We might be in a hotel tonight, but you can ask him.”

“Okay!” He yelled in your face.

Once you were back in your designated spot on the side stage, Jake pointed up at Cez’s large headset that he used to communicate with the rest of the crew, “Uncle C has phones just like me!”

Just barely hearing the comment, Cez turned around, offered your son a fist bump and smirked at Andrew, “I think I’m the favorite uncle.”

You didn’t hear the rest of their bickering, as you moved a bit closer to the edge of the back stage, still behind the curtain, wanting to get the best view of your husband. Setting Jake down on the ground, he instantly plopped down as he shouted, “Criss-cross applesauce!” before sitting down in that exact position.

“Mommy!” Jake looked up at you with wide eyes as he yelled up at you.

You bent down, setting the plate you brought from the dressing room on the ground, as you opened up the box animal crackers, “Yes, sweetie?”

“Can daddy have applesauce in the next room?!”

And like when he asked you about sleeping in one of the tour bunks, you said, “If you ask him nicely, maybe he’ll get it.” You pressed a kiss to his forehead as you dumped out the animal crackers on the plate.

A song had just finished, and like every time since you were nineteen, Shawn looked back at you, but the only difference was now he also looked at your son. You threw both of your thumbs up, and when you looked down at your son, he was playing with the giraffe and elephant, making animal noises.

With a shrug and a roll of your eyes, you blew Shawn an overdramatic kiss and he laughed.

Shawn was in the midst of giving an introductory speech to one of his songs when you heard the unmistakable mommy shout from your son.

Like routine; you bent down, hands on your knees, and smiled at your son, “Yeah?”

He took a sip of his juice box, sipping up all the contents until his cheeks were hollow and a slurping sound was made, signaling an empty drink. He set the justice box down and let out an ah, “Is it hard to do what Daddy does?”

You ran your fingers through his hair, “You have to be good in front of a lot of people.”

“Like…” Jake looked down and started counting on his hands, eyes growing wide as he shoved all ten of his fingers in your face, “Ten people?!”

You threw your head back in laughter, but then controlled yourself when you saw your son’s eyes wide with worry, “A lot more than ten,” you smiled, “There’s a lot a lot of people out there watching daddy now.”

“A lot…” His voice trailed off, not truly understanding the figurative concept of a lot of people. He was silent as he stared at Shawn, strumming his guitar and singing into the microphone, before looking back at you, “I think I wanna do what daddy does.”

You always thought that you were prepared to answer any one of Jake’s outrageous questions or statements. You’d gotten questions about why tigers had stripes, why was the sky the same color as the pool water, and even the dreaded––where do I come from, mommy––question. Never had you once entertained the idea of Jake wanting to be a performer.

You let out a nervous laugh because there was a lot more to Shawn’s job than just singing in front of people. And it was way too complicated to explain to your son now. So you went with a simple skill that was needed to be a performer, “You have to be able to play an instrument.”

“Like the pino daddy plays at home?”

Another genuine laugh escaped your lips, but your son was all serious as he looked straight into your eyes. You cleared your throat before answering him, “It’s pronounced piano,” you softly corrected him, “And yeah…Something like that. Or play the guitar––like the one daddy is playing now,” Jake’s head whipped around to see his father, “Just talk to him about it and I’m sure he’ll teach you.”

“Okay,” Jake nodded his head as he went back to eating his animal crackers, “I wanna be like daddy.”

Your heart melted at how determined he sounded. Most little kids wanted to be like their parents when they grew up. And hearing Jake say those words gave you an indication that you and Shawn were doing something right with parenting.

But what happened next caught you off guard.

One second Jake was sitting next to you, playing with his animal cracker, and then the next second…He’s up and running towards Shawn on stage. You tried yelling out for your son to come back, but he couldn’t hear you with his protective headphones on.

You looked at Cez with wild eyes and he nodded his head, saying something into his headset along the lines of––Shawn, you got a visitor––and you saw Shawn’s posture straighten up as he stopped singing into the microphone.

Both you and Shawn were caught off guard by the intensified shrieks of the crowd when your son came into view on stage. Shawn would occasionally post about his son on social media, but the two of you agreed it would be best to keep him off for the most part.

It didn’t take long for Shawn to look back at you to notice that his son was missing because he saw Jake running across the stage.

Shawn took the microphone off the stand and nervously laughed into it, “Just a second, guys.”

When Jake finally reached his dad, Shawn gently slung the guitar so it was resting on his back and bent down, “What’s up, bud?” While he wasn’t purposefully speaking into the microphone, the machine still picked up his voice and broadcasted it to the audience, “Mommy’s over there on the side.”

There was a mix of screams and aw’s from the audience as Shawn pointed toward you. But Jake shook his head. He took after his father in being stubborn, although Shawn was convinced that he got the stubbornness from you.

Like his father, Jake wanted to be the center of attention.

Jake grabbed the microphone out of his hands, which caused both your eyes and Shawn’s eyes to widen in surprise, as he spoke rather loudly into the microphone, not knowing that he could just speak in his regular voice.

“I wanna be like you, daddy!” Shawn’s face lit up with a smile as he tilted his head back in laughter, “I wanna––I wanna sing and play pino and gitar––”

You didn’t think the screams could get any louder, but you were highly mistaken. While you would’ve gladly gone out on stage to carry your son off of it, you were quite the opposite of your husband and Jake when it came to attention.

Shawn placed a hand on his son’s shoulders, a prideful smile on his face, “You want to sing?”

Jake nodded his head as he gripped onto the microphone with two hands, “Mommy said––Mommy said,” he mumbled with his mouth directly on top of the microphone, “That I–That I need to talk to you, and play the pino, and and…”

Jake looked over off to the side at you, and you could see that he was getting shy in front of everyone with how his hold around the microphone tightened up and how he tucked his chin down into his chest. Your heart melted, and just like how you would encourage your husband, you gave your son two thumbs up.

And it seemed like that was what he needed before he went on, “And she said I––Mommy said I need to be good in front of a lot of people.” He looked at Shawn with wide eyes as he whispered into the microphone, “More than ten.”

Shawn let out another loud laugh as you heard the audience laugh along with him as well.

“Being in front of more than ten people is a good start,” Shawn controlled his laughter and looked behind his son’s shoulder and sent a small smile your way, “Mommy said some good things.”

“So can I sing?”

Shawn reached his hand out for the microphone and Jake gave it to his father. He stood up, taking Jake’s small hand in his and spoke into the microphone as they walked to the center of the stage, “Can we get a chair? Like a stool if there’s one backstage?” He was looking backstage at Cez who was mumbling into his headpiece, “And another microphone, please?”

You let out a soft laugh as you heard the audience’s screams grew louder.

In no time, Shawn’s request for a stool and an extra microphone was granted. Someone in all black ran out a stool and handed a microphone to Shawn. They rushed off stage, but not before your son yelled out an enthusiastic thank you!

Shawn placed his hands under Jake’s arms, lifting him up to sit on the stool, and in your head you could hear Shawn saying “up you go” like everytime he lifted Jake onto something.

Once Shawn made sure Jake was all settled on the stool with his microphone, he brought his guitar back around and started to slightly strum it, “What do you want to sing?”

There was a loud muffled hm into the microphone as Jake thought, but once he thought of what he wanted to sing, his eyes brightened as he looked up at his dad, “Cuts!”

You let a laugh out at the same time as Shawn. His eyes immediately found yours backstage and he shook his head in amusement before looking down back at your son, “We’ll sing cuts.”

Shawn then turned to the audience, letting out a few more laughs, “Okay, just a little backstory here,” you rolled your eyes knowing exactly what was to come, “The first time I was really away for an extended period of time from this little man,” Shawn ruffled Jake’s hair, “Y/n would play my songs around the house.”

You let out a chuckle at the bittersweet memory. Because the first time Shawn was really away from home when you had Jake was hard. When Jake was born, Shawn did radio tours and a few spurts of shows here and there, because he didn’t want to miss Jake growing up. But when Jake was three, Shawn had to get back on the road to tour. It was hard––for both of you––but you made up for it by playing Shawn’s music everywhere.

“So when I came back home,” Shawn briefly made eye contact with you and you gave him two thumbs up. He turned back to the crowd with an infectious smile on his face, “Jake ran to the front door and kept asking me to sing cuts for him.”

“And I was thinking to myself; do I not know one of my songs?” He let out a small laugh, “So a few minutes later Y/n comes down and tells me what song he’s referring to.” He stopped talking to take a dramatic pause before softly laughing again, “Apparently Jake kept asking what stitches were.”

And in reference to the song that sent Shawn into mainstream pop, the audience erupted in ear shattering screams.

“And Y/n told me that she told him that stitches helped heal really bad cuts,” he said as he looked down at his son with a beaming smile. Jake was looking up at his dad with a nervous smile, but his eyes wide with admiration for his dad.

Shawn started strumming the opening chords softly as he leaned into his microphone, eyes not leaving his son, “So here’s Stitches, also known as…” he let his words trail off as Jake finished his sentence.

“Cuts!” Jake shouted into the microphone with a little giggle following.

“You’ll sing the first part?” Shawn asked your son who nodded his head eagerly.

At five-years-old, of course your son was singing off key, but it only made the moment more endearing. And if you were being honest with yourself, you preferred this version to the one Shawn recorded when he was fifteen.

You didn’t want to miss this moment, and while you were sure you could find a whole clip of Shawn’s monologue on YouTube or Instagram later, you wanted to have a piece of it from the side stage. And you were sure Karen and your mother would want to see the video right away.

While there were times Jake mumbled into the microphone, trying to cover up not fully knowing some of the lyrics, you could feel yourself getting choked up at the moment.

When the chorus came around, Shawn leaned into the microphone to sing, but he never took his eyes off his son. Jake’s eyes were either trained on the ground, or they looked up at his dad for a split second for some reassurance. And Shawn would nod his head with the biggest smile on his face as he tried to keep singing along.

There was no better feeling in the world than supporting your child, and you never felt more proud of raising a child with Shawn as you did in this moment. Jake was only five, he had his whole life ahead of him, but you knew that you and Shawn would support him in whatever he wanted to do.

And when the two were finished their duet, you swore you never heard a crowd cheer that loud in your entire life.

And just like when you were nineteen, watching your then-boyfriend sing the exact same song, both Shawn and your son turned their heads to the side to look at you.

Wiping a tear from the corner of your eye you gave them both a thumbs up.

tag list (add / remove yourself!): @adelaidestreets, @alilovesshawn, @alina--jpeg, @fallinallincurls, @lights-on-mendes, @mendesficsxbombay, @now-that-i-saw-u, @particularnarry, @shawnmendez, @shawnsreputation, @turtoix, @vinylmendes, @5-seconds-of-mendes, @pupsandducks @musicalkeys, @madatmendes @im-salt-but-not-salty @sunkisseddreamer, @crossedties @fortheloveoftheaussies, @illuminatepotter , @par_r

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hashtagdex · 3 years

Note

ok ok angst 18 and/or fluff 11 for nurseydex?

thank you so much for these! have Both prompts!

“Leave! Me! Alone!” and “I think I’m in love with you”

Usually, Nursey prides him on being a chill guy, but right now he feels like he's going to lose his mind.

He skips the tenth song in the past minute, Tango's knee bumping into his under the table for the third time. It's not like it matters, though. He can hear Tango, Whiskey and Chowder's conversation about last night’s Falcs game against the Devils clear as day even through the music.

His head is throbbing from squinting down at his notes to try and decipher them, his hand is starting to cramp up as he finishes another page, and he can’t get any damn peace.

With a sigh, he puts his pen down, takes his glasses off, and squeezes the bridge of his nose. Studying in the Haus kitchen really wasn’t his brightest idea, but people would’ve come up to him at the library to talk to him and he wouldn’t get shit done upstairs either.

All he wants is to make it up to his room, crawl under his blanket, and not come out again for the rest of the week. But he can't do that, because he has more than twice as many notes left to copy as he's already gone through.

"Woah, Nursey," Tango starts as he wrestles open a protein bar, and the noise of the struggling wrapper grates even more on Nursey's nerves, "you okay? You look really unchill right now."

Tango's knee bumps against his again. Nursey's head snaps up to look at him, scowling as he forces out, "No, Tony, I'm not fucking okay. I have about a million more pages to do, all of my music fucking sucks, and I can still hear you guys through it! And then you just keep fucking knocking into me!"

Chowder reaches out to touch his forearm. "Nursey—"

"Please just leave me alone!"

The moment the words are out of his mouth, Tango’s expression crumbles and Nursey’s heart sinks. Chowder draws his arm back with a sigh. He knows he has no right to snap at Tango, but now the words are out there and his frustration is still running sky fucking high.

Chowder sends him a hard look as he herds the Tadpoles out of the kitchen. He’ll apologize to Tango later, once he’s calmed down, but right now he's stressed and annoyed and there’s still a never ending pile of work left for him.

He swallows the guilt that rises up, slips his glasses back on, and returns to the next page of notes.

He gets about half a page in before he feels strong hands touch and then squeeze his shoulders in a way that's grounding instead of grating.

Dex. It has to be. No one else really knows how to help him when he's overwhelmed like this.

Nursey pulls out one of his earbuds and turns to face Dex. "I really have to get this done, man."

Dex takes his hands off Nursey’s shoulders—Nursey kind of, embarrassingly, misses the pressure—and fixes him with an unimpressed look. “How long have you been studying?”

Nursey’s eyes flick over to the clock on the wall and, wow, alright. “Uh, five hours, give or take?”

When he started, the sun was still up and the kitchen was deserted. Sometime around hour two or three, Chowder, Whiskey, and Tango showed and asked if it’s fine for them to join him. He grunted out a sure, deep in the notes he took in class earlier. Now it’s dark out.

Dex shifts his weight. “And how much of it are you actually absorbing?”

“Not much,” Nursey admits, crossing his legs under the table.

“Okay,” Dex says with a nod, “time for a break then, c’mon.”

“No, Dex,” Nursey protests, “I need to get this done.”

“Nursey, you’re stressed out,” Dex reasons, and yeah, no shit. “If you keep going now, it won’t do you any good. If anything, it’ll make you even more miserable.”

Nursey huffs. “When did you start making sense?”

Dex just sends him a small, soft smile that Nursey only ever sees when they’re alone. “I know your next exam isn’t until next week. You have time, I swear. You can finish tomorrow. Or later, at least. Self care, y’know?”

Nursey tries to say no, he really does, but in the end, he’s weak when it comes to Dex. Yeah, he’s surprised too. “Fine,” he finally relents. Dex’s smile grows and Nursey has to look away.

With a defeated sigh, he collects his stray pieces of paper, puts his pens back into his case, and lets Dex pull him out of the chair, up the stairs, and all the way into his room.

Inside, Nursey drops his stuff on his desk, then pulls his phone out of his pocket.

“Do you want me to go? I can get you something for your headache or maybe a snack. I bet you haven’t eaten the whole time,” Dex asks, lingering by the door.

To his surprise, Dex has become one of the most calming presences in Nursey’s life. Dex and calming should be an oxymoron in and of itself, but here he is, craving Dex’s company. “Actually, could you stay?”

Dex’s smile returns. “Sure,” he agrees and steps back into the room as Nursey turns his attention back to his phone.

Nursey starts typing a text to Tango and out of his periphery, he notices Dex pulling something down from Nursey's bunk and settling down into his old bed.

"C’mere.”

Once he’s sent the I'm sorry for earlier, it wasn't chill of me to lash out at you like that, I’m just mad stressed right now to Tango, Nursey looks up. He finds Dex sitting against the board with a pillow behind his back, his legs spread apart, and Nursey’s comforter at the foot of the bed. "What?" Nursey asks as Dex pats the spot between his legs.

“I’m gonna help you relax, c’mon,” Dex says and pats the mattress again.

Nursey quirks up an eyebrow, but he drops his phone and glasses on his desk and makes his way over to the bed anyway. “Don’t massage my face, you’ll just clog my pores,” he warns.

Dex laughs and Nursey feels more tension drain from his shoulders. “I won’t, I promise.”

Once Nursey’s settled in, both of their legs under his comforter, Dex pulls him against his chest. “Is this okay?”

Nursey nods and leans more of his weight against Dex, pillowing his head near Dex's shoulder.

"Good," Dex says and Nursey swears he can hear the smile in his voice.

Dex takes Nursey's right hand into both of his and starts massaging it, applying just the right amount of pressure to ease the pain. Nursey allows himself to sigh and Dex begins to talk.

He launches into a story about his first time on his uncle's lobster boat, five years old and just barely taller than the traps. His voice is softer than it usually is, quiet and soothing close to Nursey's ear, as he tells Nursey about the gentle rocking of the waves. Listening to his steady heartbeat, it keeps getting harder and harder for Nursey to keep his eyes open.

Nursey lets him get halfway through the story, until Dex switches to his other hand, before he interrupts him.

"Dex?"

Dex pauses in the middle of his sentence and hums, but his hands don’t stop moving.

It gives Nursey the courage to go on. “Why are you always doing this? Helping me when I’m overwhelmed? How do you always know what to do?”

“I guess,” Dex starts quietly, it sounds like he’s hesitating, arranging his words carefully, “I guess I’ve been paying attention.”

The thing is, Nursey’s been paying attention too. He’s been paying attention to Dex frowning when he’s working at a particularly vexing project, to Dex’s hands kneading his stress into pie dough, to Dex looking so proud of the team after games and practices, to Dex’s loud laughter when Nursey or Chowder crack a joke, to Dex’s blush spreading across his whole face when Nursey winks at him.

Nursey thought he was the only one paying attention, though.

“Why?” he presses.

Dex’s hands still.

When Dex stays quiet, Nursey prods gently, “Dex.”

“I think I’m in love with you,” Dex whispers then.

“You think—”

“No, fuck that,” Dex interrupts, voice louder and more powerful, “I know I’m in love with you.”

Dex doesn’t move to leave and Nursey is grateful for it. His heart is beating in his throat, the words of I’m in love with you too on the tip of his tongue, but they’ll have to talk about this. Like, have an actual adult conversation about their feelings and what they want it to mean for the future.

Nursey also knows he’s way too tired to have it the way they really need to, so he just tangles their fingers together and makes sure Dex feels his smile as he presses a kiss to the back of his hand. After he pulls back, he squeezes it, and Dex squeezes right back.

“Tomorrow,” Nursey promises.

“Okay,” Dex agrees easily, running his thumb along Nursey’s.

“Do you have any more dumb stories?”

Dex digs out a story about a prank he pulled on his older brother when he was ten for Nursey as Nursey drifts off to sleep.

#nurseydex #dexnursey #william poindexter #derek nurse #omgcheckplease #nursey is Stressed and in dire need of a nap #if you wonder how dex knew to show up? frog to frog communication #did i make the falcs play the devils bc bruins played them tonight? yes #i also edited a good chunk of this during the game and my god i forgot how stressful bruins hockey can be #this visual has haunted me for a Long time #i hope you like it!! :)#very sorry it took 2 and a half months #bi-ginny-weasley #answered #my writing

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marjansmarwani · 3 years

Text

the truth is stranger than all my dreams

2.9k || ao3

Marjan likes to think that she’s confident, that she can take on anything. But things are showing her that she may not know herself as well as she thinks and that the future can be a scary thing.

------

A Marjan centric coda to 2x04

Because Marjan deserves a fic too. Beta’d by @officereyes

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Marjan’s two worlds collided with a thunderous crash when she saw Salim standing at the edge of the rink. Turning the corner expecting to see her friends and seeing him right beside them was so incongruous. For all her usual grace under fire, she didn’t know how to handle this, or what to say. These were some of the people with whom she felt safest with in the entire world - she trusted each of them with her life - but somehow having them all in one room left her reeling.

“Fiance” was the truth, but it somehow felt wrong. It didn’t feel like enough to encompass all that he was and all their relationship was. It may have been the wrong one too, judging by the reactions of her friends. Well, Carlos tried, but the rest were stuck in shock. She couldn’t say that she blamed them. It’s not like she had ever mentioned him before.

She was happy to see him; it had been over a year now since she had left Miami and their families behind. But with no warning on a day out with her friends was too much. It felt so foreign and somehow wrong. Salim fit into a specific space in her head, her life here in Austin in another. She had never anticipated the two having to collide without warning.

But he smiled at her and she returned it. He joined them in watching the next bout and all seemed at ease. He struck up a conversation with her friends, it all seemed normal. It was all fine, so she didn’t know why she felt an undercurrent of dread. When she asked him later on, when they were alone waiting for his uber, why now he had simply said he had missed her, that he had wanted to see her, that he had wanted it to be a surprise.

Mission accomplished there, for sure.

As they parted for the evening and he made her promise to free some time up for him tomorrow, after her shift, she agreed with a smile. The shock had faded and maybe the feeling of displacement would soon too.

Having another person she cared about in the same city should be a good thing, after all.

-------

She had been debating whether the smell was simply stuck in her head or if she actually needed to shower again when she was interrupted by her phone vibrating its way across the bench beside her. When she opened the message waiting for her all other thoughts fled her mind. Salim wanted to have dinner in one of the nicest restaurants in the city with her, alone. There was confusion, but there were also alarm bells sounding in her head. Him showing up here, him inviting her to dinner at a nice restaurant without a chaperone? They had a plan but she was starting to get the feeling that he wanted to change that plan.

She rewrapped her hair and headed to the bunks, reading the message again, looking for any clues she may have missed. There are none. He’s not coming out and saying anything, but she can hear it shouted between the lines. He’s tired of waiting and wants to move forward. She flops back onto her bed with a groan. This wasn’t the plan. They still have time. She still has time.

Paul and Mateo asked her about it and while she appreciated their words and show of support, it doesn’t change the fact that she had no idea how to handle this. Paul’s right: Salim is likely tired of waiting. She doesn’t know why, she doesn’t know what brought it on. All she knows is that when she showed up to dinner he was more than likely going to ask her a question that she didn’t know how to answer.

TK joined them and after the other two fill him in and he voices his support for whatever she decides, she smiled. If nothing else, she knew she could always count on her team. The thought of leaving Austin and them so soon; when she had just built a life here and found a family and happiness, is too much. She’s not ready. She just hopes it doesn't come to that and if it does, Salim can understand.

------

As Marjan let herself back into her apartment she fell back on the closed door and closed her eyes. For so long she had had this plan. For so long she had taken comfort in the fact that she knew what her future held. There had been no uncertainty, no wondering if every time she put her heart on the line it might just end up getting crushed instead. She was going to live her life for herself for a while, and then she was going to marry Salim. That was it, full stop, end of story.

Or so she had thought.

Just this morning she had been telling Paul and Mateo how much sense it made, how smart it was. She had been so sure. But apparently even the best-laid plans were still just that: plans. And plans could be changed, or broken.

She wasn’t sure where to go from here. She didn’t know what the next step was. What was the procedure for your intended deciding that was it, that you were done now? She should probably call her parents but she didn’t want to talk about this. Not yet; she was still processing it herself. She sighed and opened her eyes again before taking a deep breath and venturing further into her apartment.

She couldn’t deny that even past all the confusion, it hurt. Maybe it was petty or egotistical, but she had thought that she had been worth waiting for. The idea that she wasn’t, that he had managed to find someone else hurt more than she wanted to admit. This was exactly the kind of hurt this plan was supposed to avoid. She wasn’t meant to have her heart broken before she had even given it away.

But maybe that was the problem too. She never had given her heart to it, had she? She had hidden behind a wall of plans and rules and humor. She hadn’t allowed herself to be vulnerable. She had been so determined to avoid the pain of heartbreak that she may have inadvertently caused it. And not just for herself, either. She may not have set out to do so, but she had hurt Salim along the way too. As much as she didn’t want to accept it and as tempting as it was to lay the blame on him for choosing a way out, this was at least partially her fault.

But that, she decided, was a problem for the morning. Tonight she would allow herself to sulk, just a little. She would let herself feel this and she would get up in the morning and start again. Maybe by then this aching feeling in her chest would have faded, maybe by then things would look a little brighter.

------

Marjan loved Salim. At least, she was pretty sure she did.

The thing is she had never been good at that: at deciding what her feelings were, at feeling them at all.

All her life she had been told that love would develop over time. She really believed that, it made sense to her. It was far more logical, more reasonable to base a relationship on mutual affection, on friendship and respect for the other person than it was to take a gamble on passion; to rest your future on emotions that were as fickle as the weather.

She cared about Salim - he knew her better than almost anyone else. She trusted him, she cared for him. She did love him, in a way. She saw him as someone safe, she saw him as a future she could be happy with. They had always been on the same page and they had always had each other’s backs. It was simple, uncomplicated. It was what she wanted.

She had always thought he had wanted the same. She had spent half a lifetime believing it to be true, knowing that no matter what in the end, they would have each other. There was love in her heart for him, that she knew for sure. She’s just not sure if it’s the same kind he apparently felt for her.

Or, at least, she hadn’t been. Now that she was on the other side of the plan she had built her life around, she wasn’t so sure. There was an ache in her chest; a dull pain that stung even more with each thought she had of Salim and the night before. She wasn’t an expert, but she was fairly certain this was what a broken heart felt like.

She appreciated Paul and Mateo’s sympathy and Paul’s advice even more, but even as she left them to go to the kitchen she still didn’t know where to go from here. What was the point of sharing her feelings when he had already made his choice? What good was this realization when it came a day too late?

She entered the kitchen in search of some tea only to find it already occupied by TK, who was putting away dishes with far more force than necessary. She frowns as she steps forward, “Hey dude, you good?”

He turned to face her and though the expression on his face was decidedly not fine he nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine.” He studied her and his frown deepened, “Are you?”

“No? I don’t know.” She sighed and sank into one of the stools at the counter. TK crossed the kitchen to join her, leaning onto the counter from the other side so they were at eye level. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Do you?” she countered, “because I don’t believe your bs for a second and you are not okay either.”

“I will if you do.”

They held each other’s gazes for a long moment before she sighed and relented, “It’s Salim.”

“I figured as much. I take it dinner didn’t go well?”

“You could say that,” she said dryly, “he asked me if I ever loved him, and told me he was tired of being the only one pining, that he wanted to be with someone who loved him and he wasn’t sure he was willing to take the risk that I might grow to love him later, after all this time. And then, on top of all that, he told me he had met someone else.”

“Shit Marj, I’m so sorry.” She nodded and gave him a small smile. Paul may be the station mind reader, but TK knew her well enough that he knew also the answer without even having to ask the question: yes, it bothered her.

“The worst part,” she continued, “is that I realized I might actually love him after all, just a day too late.”

TK gave her a grimace of sympathy, but she patted his hand before he could say anymore, “Your turn now: a deal’s a deal. What’s got you wound so tight today?”

He studied her for a moment before he relented with a sigh, “Carlos and I ran into his parent’s at the farmer’s market yesterday, and he introduced me as his friend, from work.”

The quip was there on the tip of her tongue, the joke to break the tension, but Salim’s voice sounded in the back of her mind, and of course, you make a joke. As much as she hated to admit it, in light of everything, he was right. She did use humor to avoid confronting emotions whenever possible. But sitting here watching TK stare down at his hands miserably, she took a breath and jumped in: “Did he say why? Is he not out to his parents?”

“No, he’s out to them. I guess...I guess it’s just more complicated than I thought.”

“Most things are.”

TK gave a harsh laugh, “that’s for sure.”

They lapsed into quiet for a few moments before he spoke, “We both are going to have to swallow our pride, aren’t we?”

Marjan shook her head, “I don’t know if pride is really the issue here, for either of us. I think it’s fear.”

“You might be onto something there,” TK admitted.

The conversation faded as they each retreated back into their own thoughts before eventually, TK spoke again, “What are you going to do about Salim?”

“I’m not sure yet,” she admitted with a shrug, “I don’t really know where to go from here. None of this was ever part of the plan, but I guess nothing ever stays the same.”

“You should tell him.”

TK’s words are sudden and she looked up at him sharply, “What, like some dramatic love confession? To try to get him to leave someone else he has already made a commitment to? That all seems...very much not me.”

“And the decision is up to you, obviously, but I think you owe it to yourself to tell him the truth. It doesn't have to be dramatic, just give him all the information and let him make a decision. I think it’s only fair to make sure you are on the same page. Nothing good has ever come from hiding anything from someone you care about.”

She considered his words. They were remarkably similar to Paul’s, which should tell her more than the words themselves. Neither of her two friends would ever advise her to do anything less than what they thought best. Maybe it was worth considering. Maybe it was time to face this fear. Whatever came couldn’t be worse than the dread of missed opportunity.

“What about you?” she asked him, “what are you going to do?”

He was quiet again before finally, he shrugged, “I don’t know Marj,” he admitted quietly, “I love him. I thought he loved me. I want to think that he does, but if that’s not the case...I don’t see any way forward.”

Marjan’s heart broke for him. He looked so miserable and briefly she remembered her thoughts yesterday, how she had claimed even to herself that her future with Salim was safer, less likely to lead to heartbreak. Maybe some things simply couldn’t be avoided; maybe some things were just too universal, no matter your background or approach.

“I don’t think that’s true,” she told him instead, “don’t forget I have spent a significant amount of time with you two. He loves you just as much as you love him. Whatever this is, I don’t think it has to do with you. I think that maybe you’re not the only one that feels scared.”

TK deflated a bit before meeting her eyes, “If that’s true, what does it mean that I never noticed?”

Marjan gave him a soft smile, “It means that you’re human. But now that you know, you’re going to have to figure out what to do about it.”

“Any ideas?”

She smirked at him, feeling a little bit more like herself now after this talk, “I can’t just give you all the answers, TK. Where would the fun be in that?”

———

For the second time in as many days when her door closed behind her, she sank back onto it. She had said what she needed to say, and she had meant it. Despite everything she felt for Salim, despite all the plans and promises, there was no going back from here and once again she was left wondering what was next.

They had talked, before she left. They had decided that he would tell their parents, and she couldn’t be more grateful to him. They had figured out all the logistics of ending it; crossed all the figurative t’s and dotted all the hypothetical i’s. They had successfully dismantled the plan she had built her life around. She wasn’t sure if she was meant to feel relief or excitement, but all she really felt was anxiety. She didn’t know where to go from here. At this very moment she had a completely open future. There were no plans, no landmarks in sight. Maybe it should have been exciting and maybe someday it would be. Right now all she can feel is shock and maybe a little bit of grief too. The future was a wide and daunting thing that she was now facing without a map and it left her feeling unmoored; a leaf on the wind with no control over where she landed.

Maybe for now the best thing to do was focus on the now. Her now is something she can take comfort in; it is a space in which she is sure of her footing and where she is happy. Maybe the answer is to just focus on that: on her job, on her team, on her friends. Maybe if she did that the rest would reveal itself, in time.

So she pushed herself off the door and squared her shoulders, holding her head high as she entered her apartment. For tonight she would focus on her life. She would take some time to herself or maybe see what the others were doing. Then in the morning she would get up and go to work and continue focusing on the now and what she had.

The future was a problem for tomorrow and for now, it could stay there.

#911 lone star #911 lone star fic #marjan marwani #911ls spoilers #911ls season 2 #my writing #userkimmy #usermaximus #userac #tuserpaige #userjilly #userbones

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suchalonelysunflower · 4 years

Text

If it means a lot to you (a.i)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin X Reader

Summary: Songfic based on the song “If it means a lot to you” by A Day to Remember. You haven’t heard from Ashton in weeks, could you endure all the pain while he’s on tour or it would become too much?

Warnings: ANGST, strong language, overthinking and anxiety. Also some grammatical mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 2.6 K

Author’s Note: I was feeling so angsty today and this was the product of me pouring out my feelings into a fic. Reblogs, coments and feedback are always welcome and apreciated! I would love to hear your thoughts 💙 Hope you like it and Happy reading🦋

My Materialist

It felt good to be on the stage again. It felt more than good, actually. The sound of screaming fans, calling out your names in pure ecstasy as one by one the songs pass and reverberates throughout the whole stadium, or arena or a simple, yet packed, venue. The adrenaline that cursed through the veins of each one of them as they gave their all, feeling how the base makes the entire stage shake with rhythms they know by memory and would never get tired off. It felt good to be on the stage again, to be on tour again. But not everyone gets to have everything they want.

You were sitting on your sofa, getting lost in thought as the TV played some old episodes of your favorite show as background noise of your own pity party. It’s been two months since Ashton went away on tour with his band again, and even though you knew this made him happy, you always hated when he had to leave.

The feeling of loneliness crept in two weeks and a half ago, when he started to miss your calls and texted you only once a day. You knew he was busy, you knew he must be tired, but so are you.

You understand that this is his job, you’ve been through this before, but the separation was never easy. You always worried about his safety, how he’s dealing with stuff and if he ever misses you or if he had someone else he’d rather be with while you were away and tucked under your shared sheets in LA. He always came through though, pushing those thoughts away by reassuring his love, either by facetime or a simple call. But you haven’t seen him or heard of him in so long that you couldn’t help but drown yourself in a pity parade for one. You miss him, you need him. And it’s still so long until you could see each other again.

A notification on your phone pulls you away for a while, it takes a few moments before you realize that it was in fact your phone and not a trick of your mind. You jump right to it, thinking, hoping that it would be Ashton trying to call you or even a simple text. The beating of your heart ran like a horse before you could even register that it was just a notification from instagram, you just saw his name and quickly swiped to open it.

@ ashtonirwin: Thank you for singing with us xx

The post was simple, you could see the crowd going wild as Andy took a photo of the boys in their element. Ashton was smiling behind his drum kit, taking in the scenery of a thousand screaming fans that were there just to see them, to sing with them. And it hurt you.

It hurts not being there. Not being the one that was at the other end of the smile, and oh, how you miss that smile.

You opened the camera roll, forgetting to put a like on the post as your mind decided to add some salt to the wound. You scrolled a few pictures down until you found what you were looking for: A video of Ashton.

His smile was clear even before you pressed play. You remember the day he sent that to you, it was at the beginning of the tour and you were feeling a little needy, so he decided to send you this while you were asleep. He knew it would make you feel better once you woke up. And it did.

It was a simple video of him just talking to the camera, but it always made you feel better and you hope this time it will as you pressed play.

“Hey, darling” Ashton said with a smile so wide you could see every dimple and wrinkle on his face “I hope you’re good tonight, I know you don’t feel right when I’m leaving… It’s not easy for me either, being away from you and being unable to kiss you and cuddle you like we do. I miss you, dear”

The sadness in his voice moved you and you wished you were there with him, doing your best to push that sadness away. “Tour’s going great so far, I really wish you were here to see it. But you will be, one day and it will be awesome. But I can’t come back home till they’re singing, and oh, how amazing it is to hear them sing back at us, it’s almost as beautiful as to hear you sing to me one of our songs, even if it’s to mock our oldest songs” His smile lit up the screen ashe giggled “Just wait till I get home, baby. It won’t be long now, I swear. I love you”

“I love you” You whispered to the face on the screen as the video stopped.

The tears were rolling down your face and you couldn’t do anything to stop it. The video always helped to make you feel better but, somehow, it just made missing him worse.

It wasn’t enough, you needed him. You needed him and he was MIA, the only news you get from him are from social media and you couldn’t handle it anymore.

You couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same.

Ashton was laying in his bunk bed, smiling as he scrolled down twitter to read the reactions to tonight’s concert. It was one of their best and he was very proud of the energy they put on stage for the world to see.

He always enjoyed tour life, visiting new cities and countries every night, giving his all in all the concerts and spending time with his best friends. It was all he ever wanted since he was a kid and now he was able to experience it.

“Hey, Ash!” Luke called his attention from the bunk across the small hall “Could you tell Y/N that Sierra wants to talk? She said it was something about a recipe but it seems like she can’t get in touch with them”

Ashton frowned, you were never the one to shy away from their friends, always being the most social one of the two of them “Uh, yeah. Sure man”

“Thanks, and tell Y/N we are missing them, it’s been too long since we saw each other”

‘It has been a long time’ Ashton thought, or at least it seemed like it because he was sure he sent a text earlier today and…

Ashton’s expression froze when he saw that he didn’t text you today, or yesterday or the day before that. He didn’t even respond to your last text.

Y/N: Tell me something sweet to get me by.

How long ago was that? Why didn’t he notice before?

A feeling of guilt ran through him, feeling disgusted at himself for forgetting about you, the most important thing in his life. How could he? You must’ve been feeling low that day to text him something like that, he knew how much you hated when he had to leave. You didn’t text him after that, maybe you were okay now, but he still needed to talk to you, to apologize.

He sighed when he saw what time it was, now it wasn’t time for a facetime call, knowing that you were probably asleep by now. He would apologize to you in the morning.

Little did he know that you were still awake, sobbing and calling out his name through your cries.

You woke up when the sunlight hit your face. You furrowed your eyebrows at your surroundings, realizing that you fell asleep on the couch. Luckily it was a Saturday, so you had no other responsibilities other than crying yourself to sleep for maybe the tenth time in a row?

You knew it wasn’t fair, for you or for him, to be enduring this kind of pain. But if you meant a lot to him, why hasn’t he responded? or calling to check up on you? This place felt lonelier by the minute, his mugs were in the cupboard, some of his clothes were in the closet, his music room remains untouched and yet it seemed like he was never here at all to begin with, just a ghost of his memory floating around to remind you of what you were missing.

You felt the tears about to crash down again, but you had no energy left in your body to cry. You were exhausted, needy, lonely and down right miserable while the love of your life was living his best life without you in it.

Ashton was living his best life, but he still felt something was missing. He sat down on the couch the venue offered, it wasn’t as comfortable as he would expect but it didn’t matter. He knew he had to talk to you.

He has been a shitty boyfriend lately, he understood and hated that. You didn’t deserve to be pushed aside like he did and he felt awful. So, with his heart in his sleeve, hoping you’ll forgive him and that you were okay, he picked up the phone and called.

Ashton heard the beeping tone three times before you decided to answer “...Hey, sweety” You said with a sigh.

Ashton could tell you were sad, a punch in the guts hurt less than hearing your voice so small and defeated. “Hey, darling,” He said,making his tone a little bit more uplifting, thinking it might help “How are you? Sierra said that you weren’t answering your phone, is everything okay?”

Hearing his voice, his cheerful tone as if nothing has happened or as if this wasn’t the first time in weeks that you’ve heard of him, hurt more than you could ever expect. You felt silent tears rolling down your face as you contemplated what to say about that.

“I just-”

“Ash, we need you for soundcheck” A voice said on the other line.

Ashton raised his hand, annoyed at the interruption, asking the boys to wait a second. He needed to hear from you first. All three of the guys backed up immediately when they saw the serious expression on the drummer’s face.

“Sorry, love. I think the boys need me” He said, hoping you wouldn’t get mad.

“But, what about me?” You asked before you realized what was coming out of your mouth.

“What?” Ashton said with a concerning tone.

“I need you here, Ashton” You cried, unable to keep the tears at bay anymore “I need you here tonight, and I know that you don’t wanna be leaving and I get it, I swear I totally get it and I’m not trying to pressure you or anything, it’s okay that you want this”

Hearing you cry through the phone broke Ashton’s heart. He did this, he caused this. How could he neglect you like that?

“I want it but I don’t need it” He quickly reassured you.

“Yes, you want it. But I can’t help it, I-” Your voice shook “I just feel complete when you’re by my side. I know I can be needy sometimes and believe me, I hate that as much as you do, probably. But, Ash, I haven’t heard from you in weeks! Yes, a morning text now and then but sweety, I don’t think you understand how bad this hurts”

Ashton felt the tears burning in his eyes, your broken voice sounded like an echo in his head, making him wish he could go back and fix his mistakes, to take all your pain away.

“Do you know how hard it is to be in this house alone, not knowing if you are okay or if you miss me? I found myself walking around aimlessly, trying to hold on to the memory of you here, to even a hint that I wasn’t dreaming when I held you close because it’s been so long and I don’t think I can take it anymore. Knowing that you can’t come home till they’re singing, till everyone is singing back at you”

“B-baby-” Ashton said, not caring that he sounded desperate, because he was. He didn’t like where this conversation was going “Baby, I know I fucked up, big time. But don’t you ever doubt that you are the most important thing to me, I swear. Darling, if you-” He said, swallowing the lump in his throat “If you can wait till I get home, I swear that when tomorrow comes this will all be in our past”

You stared blankly ahead as you heard him say those things. It broke you to your core, but you knew what you had to do. It was the best for both of you.

“Ash, you know you can’t give me what I need. Not right now and I can’t ask that from you, I would never ask that from you and you know it. Even though you mean so much to me, I need you to be happy, I need to be happy and maybe we thought that we could find happiness together but Ash, this ain’t it”

“Darling, wait-”

“I love you, but I can’t wait through everything. I can’t keep crying myself to sleep every night wishing for a text, a call, a sign that you are okay. And I can’t ask you to give up your life just to be with me, we both know it’s not going to work and we’ll be miserable-”

“Is this really happening?” Ashton interrupted you.

He was pacing back and forth in the little room, tears falling freely as he understood the words you were trying to say. You were leaving him. You were leaving him and he couldn't blame you. He knew it was too much to ask but he hoped… if he had tried hard enough, if he hadn’t neglected you the way that he did and invalidating you by not acknowledging your feelings, maybe this wouldn’t be the outcome of his mistakes.

“I love you,” He pleaded.

“Ash…”

“No, Y/N!” I know, I fucked up but please! Please, darling, don't leave me” He begged “I swear I’ll never be happy again, not even if we stay friends so don’t even dare to say that. Y/N. I love you. I love you, darling. You are the love of my life and -” He choked, overwhelmed with grief of what he just lost.

“Ash, please don’t make it harder” You cried, silently as your heart broke in a thousand pieces “We knew it’d happen eventually”

“No we fucking didn’t! I didn’t! I want you in my life, Y/N. And I know I sucked at letting you see that but- I swear, if you can wait till I get home, I swear we can make this last, baby. Please”

You stayed silent, wanting to be able to believe him right now, but knowing this was for the best, even if it hurt, it’s what needed to be done so both of you could be happy. And you want nothing more than for him to be happy and free to do whatever he wants, even if it breaks your heart.

“Goodbye, Ash. I love you” You said, voice breaking at the end “I’ll always love you”

“Y/N, don’t-” He pleaded one last time before you ended the call “FUCK” He yelled, throwing the phone to god knows where.

He lost you.

Luke, Calum and Michael came running towards the room when they heard Ashton yell. However, they didn’t expect to find their friend sitting on the floor, sobbing as he started to hyperventilate.

“Mate, what happened?” Ashton took a big breath.

“I fucked up, Cal” He said with a voice as broken as his heart “I fucked up and I don’t know if I can fix it”

Part 2

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fallingappleshurt · 3 years

Note

Could you possibly write a SBI FD AU of all of the boys at Christmas. Could be at Christmas or any other time during the winter. Genuinely all I want to read right now. <3

Ty, Anon

Snowy Boys Incorporated (Part 1/2)

Sorry y’all, apparently word limits are a thing but anyways here it is!

Sorry if the flow of this was weird, it jumps from Phil to Tommy to Techno back to Tommy then to Wilbur, I have no excuse

This AU was made my the wonderful @antarctic-bay go check her out! And please keep in mind my writing isn’t canon!

Also the two times French is mentioned I used google translate because I am tired

Anyways hope you enjoy!

Phil parked the car and texted Techno and Wilbur to come help him and Tommy with the tree and ornaments. He turned off the engine and pocketed his phone, hoping Techno and Wilbur had actually moved the furniture to make room for the tree while him and Tommy had actually got the tree and ornaments from a storage unit.

“Phil- Phil! The tree is stuck!” Tommy said, Phil could hear him yanking at the box.

“Hang on, watch the ice,” Phil came around to the trunk of the car, ignoring the snowflakes fluttering down, he saw Tommy trying to shake the box from it’s jammed position.

“How did you manage this?”

“I don’t know!”

“Let me try,” Phil grabbed the sides of the box, trying to slowly wedge it out, but to no avail. “How did you do this?”

“Wh- How is this my fault?” Tommy cried, starting to pull at the box again.

“You’re the one that packed it!”

“What are you guys doing?” Phil looked over to see Techno standing by the car, eyebrow raised.

“Tommy’s shit at packing and got the tree stuck.”

“That sounds like him-”

“Hey!”

“You’re just mad-” Techno was caught off guard by Wilbur coming up behind him, slipping, and knocking them both to the ground.

“Wilbur what the fuck!”

“I slipped!”

“Get off of me!” Phil cackled as Tommy laughed loudly, wheezing at the end.

“That’s what you get for being an asshole! Instant karma!”

Techno responded by grabbing a fist full of snow and throwing it at Tommy, it landed on his chest and he yelped.

“It got in my shirt!”

“Good.”

After Techno and Wilbur had untangled themselves and dusted the snow from their clothes, they started to help them with the tree. They ended up having Techno climb into the car and lower one of the backseats and after much more struggling and wiggling the box they managed to free the tree from its very old, silver chamber.

Wilbur grabbed the boxes of ornaments and started up the stairs while Tommy and Techno followed with the tree and Phil locked up the car, listening to his brother's banter and hoping they actually wouldn’t try to race up the stairs.

He was glad to see his brothers more relaxed, they had all been stressed with finals right before break, he had come home from work many nights seeing them with books and papers spread out across the table, empty cups of coffee and energy drink cans littered around.

It was nice to see them fooling around.

Phil entered the apartment and slipped off his shoes, throwing them in the pile, to see Techno dragging the tree out of it’s box while Tommy and Wilbur pulled cobwebs off of ornaments.

They set up the tree in the corner of the room by a window and started to mess with the cords to plug in the lights, after unplugging and replugging every cord they managed to fit the tree lights in.

They started decorating, adding on colorful glass balls and a few candy canes just to be extra even though they knew Wilbur would eat them later.

Phil grabbed his personal favorite ornament, a wooden one with Snoopy and Woodstalk wearing santa hats in the snow, and hung it on the tree. They each had a favorite ornament, Techno’s was a mini violin, Wilbur’s an ornate snowflake, Tommy’s was a glass pickle. They were all hung on the front of the tree where they were easily seen.

They still had some of the little foam ornaments, the kind that are made in elementary school and kept for nostalgia and nostalgia only. Some still had pictures, Phil with an old striped bucket hat that they only let him keep for the first day of school. He missed that hat, it had been lost in a move.

Pulling more from the box, he found a snowman with a picture of Techno, glasses too big for his face, smiling shyly at the camera with paint on his hands. A baby blue foam mitten had a picture of Wilbur, who wasn’t facing the camera, with wild hair and a huge grin on his face as he slapped at a toy keyboard. A fading gingerbread man had a picture of Tommy grinning, eyes squeezed shut with colorful band aids across his face.

He took pictures with his phone and hung them up on the tree, much to his younger brother's annoyance.

Wilbur scrapped old tinsel out of the bottom of the boxes and put a few strands on the tree. Tommy grabbed the bundles of old lights and proceeded to strong them along the walls of the apartment.

“These are the next best things to LED lights,” He said, almost matter-of- factly, Phil just laughed as Tommy attempted to tape some of the wire to the wall. He was eventually able to pull it off after continually yelling at Techno to bring him duct tape and ‘fucking help him or he’d shake the bunk’.

After they had finished setting it up, they turned off all the lights except for the tree and strung ones on the wall. The colorful candy ones shown in the window by the tree and the golden light showed nicely against their white walls.

“The yellow lights kind of look like fireflies,” Techno mused, rubbing at his eyes.

“Maybe in video games, but this is the real world,” Tommy scoffed.

“Aww, are you tired?” Wilbur teased voice raising multiple octaves, “Little Blade need a na-”

Techno shoved Wilbur’s face away, “Shut up Wilbur,” He grumbled.

“When was the last time you slept?” Phil asked.

“Uh,” Techno paused for much longer then necessary, “Can’t remember.”

“Huh, that’s definitely not concerning-”

“I think this looks great!” Tommy interrupted, “Considering half of this stuff was covered in cobwebs!”

Phil nodded, “Oh wait, we forgot the star!” He started digging through one the boxes, his brothers left him to it and sat down on the couch. The star was always Phil’s thing, it was never a spoken rule, just something they had agreed on. Once he found it, Phil placed it on the tree then sat down next to his brothers.

He asked Wilbur about his day and Wilbur told him about finals hell and how every student looked dead or was trying to sleep in the cafeteria.

He turned to the others only to find that Techno and Tommy had already passed out, leaning on each other. Phil nudged Wilbur with his elbow, nodding towards the sleeping pair. They both pulled out their phones, taking pictures.

“Blackmail?” Phil asked, a grin pulling at his lips. Wilbur nodded.

“Blackmail.”

Phil took Techno’s glasses off of his face and set them on the coffee table and Wilbur covered them with a blanket.

The next morning Tommy sat up groggily, his first thought being that he was really hungry, so after untangling his and Techno’s limbs he padded into the kitchen. He started making a bowl of cereal and scrambled eggs, he made them in the lazy way, whisking the eggs with a fork then putting them in the microwave.

Then he remembered that it had been snowing the day before and rushed over to the window. A thick white blanket covered the terrain, sparkling white with soft gray clouds coating the sky. He opened the window and poked at the snow. He squished a fistful in his palm, it was packed, heavy snow.

Perfect for snowball fights.

He was going to destroy his brothers.

He closed the window then went to grab his food and sat at the table. A few minutes later he saw Techno sit up and rub at his eyes, Tommy watched him look around for a moment.

“Glasses are on the coffee table,” He supplied, taking a bite of cereal, Techno gave him a thumbs up then headed into the kitchen, starting to make a cup of coffee.

“Why don’t you eat breakfast?” Tommy asked, Techno looked over at him, glaring at his food.

“Why do you eat breakfast? It’s too early for food,”

“But not too early for coffee?”

“It’s never too early for coffee Tommy.”

Techno sat down across from him, obviously still trying to wake up fully. Just as Tommy was finishing his food Phil emerged from the hallway.

“You guys ready for today?”

“Heh?”

“What’s happening today?”

Phil raised an eyebrow, “Did you forget? We are helping down at the St Francis soup kitchen- my friend is low on people-I told you about this a week ago.”

“I completely forget,” Techno’s response was muffled by the coffee cup.

“Well we gotta be there in like an hour, get moving!”

Tommy put his dishes in the sink and saw Wilbur standing in the hall, staring him down.

“Hey Tommy, didn’t you wanna shower this morning?” He asked, eyes drifting towards the bathroom.

“Wilbur don’t-”

“Tommy-”

“Wilbur don’t-” Tommy’s begging was cut off as Wilbur shot to the side, dove into the bathroom and slammed the door. Tommy rushed over, pounding on the flimsy wood.

“Damn it Wilbur! Open the door!”

He heard the shower start and pounded harder.

“Wilbur you bitch!”

“Tommy it is too early for you to be this loud-” Techno said from the table.

“I’ll be quieter sooner if you help me open the door!”

Techno considered it for a moment then stood up, “Where is that bent coat hanger-”

“For fucks sake-” Phil put a hand on Tommy’s chest then knocked on the door, “Wilbur! You got ten minutes!”

Wilbur’s ‘okay’ was muffled from the door, Tommy sighed, leaning on the door, deciding he would absolutely beat the shit out of his brothers later.

They were running late because of course they were, between the fight for the bathroom, getting the car cleaned off and getting to the soup kitchen in the day before Christmas traffic was not the easier task, at least for the Pandels.

They finally pulled up to the soup kitchen and parked in the back, heading inside. They had barely managed to take off their coats before an employee pulled them into the kitchen.

Tommy was barely able to process what the man said, something about being understaffed, and shoved Tommy next to another boy who was sorting out juice boxes and fruit cups onto trays.

His brothers were being pulled aside to do actual cooking, they had done it before once when Tommy was sick and had to stay home.

After sorting and setting out all of the food along a conveyor belt type thing, Tommy wasn’t really sure what it was, they pulled up a metal covering so people could come get food.

Each person had to pass out different foods to people, Tommy was put at the end of the conveyor belt, handing out christmas cookies. Wilbur was next to him, offering different drinks.

Multiple different people came down the line, filling their plates with food and sitting down in the cafeteria. There was a TV in the corner and a bookshelf, other people milled about, soft chatter against the pots and pans clattering in the kitchen.

Two kids walked through the line with their parents, the girl looked at Wilbur and wrinkled her nose.

“Your hat looks weird,”

Tommy cackled and gave her an extra cookie.

Eventually they shut the windows and started to clean up the kitchen, putting plates and trays into a huge dishwasher, boxing things up in a walk in freezer and handing out non perishables to people as they left.

Tommy leaned against the counter, Techno and Phil were taking off aprons and putting them in a laundry pile, his shoulders loosened. They had helped people, it felt good;

“Just helped some people- feeling good-”

“Just killed a woman, feeling good!” Wilbur cut in, elbowing Tommy in the ribs, he elbowed him back. “Dickhead,”

“Hey! We’re gonna be heading out soon!” Phil called across the kitchen.

“Is there anything else we have planned?” He asked Wilbur.

“We’re making cookies,”

“Why?”

Wilbur shrugged, “Cause Techno got some new recipes from that gang of Lesbians at school.”

Tommy shuttered, “Oh I remember them, they scare me-”

“I thought you said they were cool,” Wilbur interjected, starting to follow Phil out the door.

“They are! But they also scare the shit out of me!”

Wilbur laughed, “As they should.”

Techno was watching Tommy slide around the kitchen in his socks when Phil asked; “Techno, you said you had some new recipes?”

He nodded, “Yeah, the Lesbian group chat gave me some,”

He remembered getting them was an interesting process, he asked them if they knew of any good cookie recipes and they had all started spamming for one girl to get online. When she did get online he asked the question again. She responded in all caps ‘You fucking fuck! Of course I have some! I am a cottagecore lesbian! What do you take me for!’ Then sent him 7 different recipes.

Wilbur snorted, “I still can’t believe you got taken in by a group of lesbians.”

Techno rolled his eyes and sent two of the recipes to Phil, who was preheating the oven.

“Why are we making so many?” Tommy asked, grabbing the baking sheets from the cabinets.

“They are for the neighbors,” Phil said.

“As a gift?��

“As an apology, you guys are fucking loud.”

Techno smiled, getting out the measuring cups and starting to put ingredients into the bowl. One was a recipe for sugar cookies, which is what he and Wilbur were doing, and the other were snickerdoodles which Phil and Tommy were in charge of.

Techno and Wilbur always worked well together, they flowed around each other, passing ingredients and helping each other out. Meanwhile Phil and Tommy had spilled half of the things they were trying to get into the bowl.

As Wilbur and Techno put their cookies in the oven, Phil nudged Tommy.

“Tommy, where is the rest of the butter, you said you grabbed more,”

“I did, I grabbed-”

“Then give it to me,”

Tommy didn’t move, “Hey Phil, remember when I said I had the butter-well- I lied.”

“What!”

“Don’t worry Phil, We still have some over here,” Wilbur passed a stick of butter behind him.

“Do you guys want some help-” Techno asked, biting his tongue, Tommy pushed him away.

“No! We got this!”

So Wilbur and Techno hung out in the living room while Phil and Tommy tried not to kill each other over cookies. It turned out to be for the best though because when they were ready to put their cookies in, Wilbur and Techno’s were done.

The two decorated their cookies with colored sprinkles, the recipe said it was optional but Wilbur had made the excellent point that sprinkles should never be optional.

Once Phil and Tommy’s cookies were done and left out too cool, Techno’s phone buzzed.

85 notes · View notes

lallyloo · 3 years

Text

It’s Complicated

(This was just supposed to be a short little thing but it kind of got away from me..)

By the time the 3pm video call happened, Spencer had already talked to his parents. They were old hippies who didn’t know how to Zoom, so they just called from their landline. Brady stayed on his bunk while the phone call happened, trying to mind his own business, but he heard enough to know that Spencer’s parents really wanted him to come home, quarantine be damned, and they spent most of the call arguing. Spencer tried to tell them that even if he could come home it was too late to travel, and it was safer for him to just stay at school anyway.

The call ended quickly and Spencer suggested drinking after that.

They did a few shots before connecting to Brady’s aunt’s Zoom call, and when they did introductions he called Spencer his roommate. It was technically true, but it felt like there should’ve been another word for it – and Brady wasn’t sure yet what the word might be.

They fooled around a lot. Got naked together. Jerked off. Sometimes if they got too drunk they spent a lot of time kissing. Brady liked that a lot. Sometimes they’d wake up cuddled together on the same bunk and Spencer would slick himself up and fuck Brady nice and slow.

Sometimes Brady felt like he loved him.

They never really talked about it, and Brady wouldn’t say Spencer was his boyfriend, but he also wouldn’t say he wasn’t. He didn’t like to think about it too much. It was complicated.

So ‘roommate’ was the word he went with.

They’d put their masks on earlier in the day and managed to socially distance their way across campus to a little convenience store. Brady had been searching the freezer when Spencer came up beside him with his arms full of snacks.

“Dude,” Spencer held up a box of Ding Dongs, with his hand over the word ding. “Check it out – dongs!”

Brady laughed and high-fived him. It was stupid, but sometimes Brady liked stupid.

They bought the snacks and Ding Dongs, along with some frozen TV dinners and a tub of ice cream. They’d both been hoping for pie, but they knew it was a pipe dream when they were getting their Thanksgiving supplies at a campus convenience store.

When they got back to their dorm room, Spencer tried his best to shove the ice cream in the frost-coated freezer of their mini fridge, while Brady read the instructions on their tv dinners so he’d know when to start cooking them.

Spencer’s phone call happened shortly after, and then Brady was breaking out the vodka and trying to distract Spencer with a drinking game. Spencer suggested the Thanksgiving theme and they did a couple shots before the Zoom call, just to get themselves loosened up a little.

When the inflection in Spencer’s voice changed and he went a little nasally, Brady knew the alcohol was kicking in.

Just before three, Brady went down to the common area and put their dinners in the microwave so they’d be ready in time to join the family. He was a bit nervous about bringing Spencer to dinner, but a bit excited too.

When he got back to the room Spencer was wearing a dress shirt and his fake leather jacket.

“Dude, you dressed up?”

Spencer glanced down at his outfit. “Gotta make a good impression, man!”

“You obviously haven’t met my family.”

“I’ve seen your mom on your computer.”

“Yeah, so you know she’s nuts.”

Spencer shrugged. “She’s still your mom. I gotta make a good impression.”

Brady wasn’t sure if Spencer was forgetting the shot glasses and the fact that they planned to get completely shitfaced over dinner, but he didn’t have much time to think about it because the clock in the room said 3:01 and they were already late.

Brady set the TV dinners aside and quickly joined the video call. Spencer sat down a few seconds later, sliding in beside him in his pleather jacket, and they ended up having a great time. Brady’s family was ridiculous enough to encourage several more shots, and they got good and drunk while they ate some hot food. It was nice. The food wasn’t much different from their terrible cafeteria food, but somehow eating it together at a family dinner made it taste better.

Brady was feeling a little sappy by the end of it, and he was sad to miss out on his mom’s pumpkin pie, but watching Spencer smile at him from beneath an ice cream mustache seemed like an okay trade-off.

When Brady finally logged off and closed his laptop, they were both drunk and full and happy.

“You wanna lie down?” Spencer was looking at him with heavy eyes.

Brady nodded. “Yeah, dude.”

Spencer slipped off his jacket as they made their way to his bunk, and as soon as he was lying down Brady crawled in beside him.

They spent a good long while reliving the Zoom dinner and laughing about it.

“My Uncle Gary with that stupid turkey hat..”

“Turkey! Drink!” Spencer raised his hand as if he was still holding a shot glass but quickly remembered they were done drinking.

“It was turkey noises, drink.”

Spencer just waved him off with a smile. “Whatever dude.”

They talked about his Uncle Philip and Aunt Diane and Brady told a story about his younger cousins and how one Christmas they nearly set his grandma’s tree on fire.

The mention of Brady’s grandma suddenly had Spencer in hysterics. “Oh man, she was talking about her dookie!”

“Dude. Sick.” Brady grimaced. “Let’s not talk about it.”

When Spencer’s laughter died down he swiped his hand over his forehead, trying to get the hair out of his face. Then he looked over at Brady and smiled.

Brady smiled back at him.

He really liked Spencer but Brady secretly thought that his hair was pretty bad. It was too long, and cut weirdly, and dyed an inky black color which seemed to clash with his reddish beard. Brady didn’t even acknowledge the blue tips. It was just a weird combination over all.

He would never want to tell Spencer what to do or how to cut it, but the alcohol seemed to be making him brave. Or making him an asshole? Brady couldn’t really decide.

“Dude, you ever get tired of your long hair?”

Spencer seemed to consider the question for a moment before replying, “yeah maybe sometimes, like when I’m eating, and when I’m trying to watch tv, and when I’m sleeping.”

“You think–”

“And when I’m in class and the prof is writing stuff on the board.”

“Do you think– ”

“And when I need to brush it.”

“Dude.”

“And when– ”

“Dude.”

“Yeah dude?”

“What if.. like.. what if I cut it?”

Spencer didn’t respond so Brady continued.

“I’m good at cutting hair, I cut my hair all the time.”

When Spencer still didn’t reply, panic started to hit Brady a little. He wasn’t aiming to hurt Spencer’s feelings, but he was suddenly afraid that maybe he had. He silently cursed the stupid alcohol making him say stupid things.

“But if you don’t wanna” Brady stammered, “that’s cool too.”

“Yeah, dude.”

“Like, yeah that’s cool?” Brady asked carefully.

“I mean, like, yeah you can cut it.”

“Are you serious?”

“For sure,” Spencer nodded, pushing hair off his forehead again. “But we gotta wait until we’re not drunk. You got those shaky hands, bro.”

Brady raised a hand up to take a look at it. Spencer was right – his hands always trembled a little but it was worse when he’d been drinking.

He lowered his hand and looked over at Spencer. “Tomorrow?”

“Sure dude, in the morning.”

Brady smiled. “Awesome.”

He convinced Spencer to get up with him and they walked to the communal bathroom together to pee and brush their teeth. It was still pretty early, but Brady knew with the alcohol in their systems and the Thanksgiving dinner they’d both be passed out long before midnight.

When they got back to their dorm room Brady pulled his shirt over his head and Spencer unbuttoned his dress shirt and tossed it on the floor.

“You wanna kiss or something?”

“Yeah, man.”

Brady followed Spencer back to the bunk, and kissed him until he was too tired to keep his eyes open.

Brady woke to the feeling of Spencer’s hand on him, smoothing over his back, and when he opened his eyes the room was bright with morning light.

“You awake?” Spencer asked and Brady nodded into his pillow.

He secretly liked their early mornings together. The inflection in Spencer’s voice was different, softer and calmer, with less of the nasal twang he always had when they drank. Most mornings Spencer’s hands would be on him and they’d touch a bit and fuck, and Brady would happily go along with everything. It was in those moments he thought maybe he was in love. Maybe Spencer was his boyfriend.

But as the day went on Brady would push those ideas away. They were roommates.

It was complicated.

Brady thought back to the conversation from the night before and he really wanted to ask Spencer about his hair, but being sober made it a little more difficult and he definitely didn’t want to risk hurting Spencer’s feelings. So Brady kept quiet and just rolled over to look at him.

Spencer’s hair was pure chaos, a messy black and blue mop on his head, and maybe Brady gave himself away by staring at it, but Spencer was soon grinning at him.

“You wanna get the scissors?”

“Only if you want to, man.”

“Yeah, dude,” Spencer ran his hand through his hair, giving it a shake, “go get them.”

Brady jumped out of bed and searched his desk drawer for the scissors he always used on his own hair. He grabbed a towel from the closet, and a comb, and then pointed to his desk chair.

“Sit there.”

Spencer did as he was told, and Brady draped the towel over his shoulders and pulled it closed over his chest.

For such a chaotic pile of hair, it was surprisingly free of tats. Brady combed through it, brushing it down over Spencer’s face, completely covering his eyes. He needed to see where to cut and how much, and when Brady felt like he was ready he paused to look at Spencer.

“You ready?”

He could see Spencer’s mouth form into a grin beneath the smooth black hair. “Yeah, man, go for it.”

Brady went for the blue tips first, happily lopping them off, and then he surveyed Spencer’s head again. The loss of the blue tips left him with some sort of bowl cut and Brady considered it for a minute before moving around Spencer and snipping away at the sides and back.

Black hair continued to fall as Brady cut, and Spencer sat quietly, and if he was worried about his hair he didn’t say so.

Brady managed to cut the sides short, uncovering Spencer’s ears which he was pretty sure he’d never seen before. He stood in front of Spencer and looked back and forth, trying to make sure he’d cut everything evenly.

Then he nudged Spencer’s knee, pushing his legs apart, and he stepped between them.

“Time for the front,” Brady said, taking a deep breath. “Hopefully I don’t wreck it.”

“You won’t, man.” Spencer placed his hands on Brady’s bare hips and left them there as Brady started cutting.

It didn’t take long, just a few cuts, but Brady went slowly – holding out pieces and trying to cut things a bit jagged so Spencer wasn’t left with a blunt cut straight across his forehead. When he felt like he was done, Brady ran his hand through Spencer’s hair, trying to force it into some sort of style.

“If you put some wax in it I think it’ll look pretty good,” he said as he removed the towel from Spencer’s shoulders.

“Do you have any?”

Spencer glanced up, and Brady’s only response was to stare at the green eyes looking back at him. He’d seen Spencer’s eyes before, of course, but never so clearly.

“Dude, you’ve got nice eyes.”

“So do you,” Spencer smiled. “They’re so blue.”

“Yours are green.”

“I know, man.”

Brady leaned in to kiss him.

It was the first time they’d kissed without being drunk first.

Spencer’s hands strengthened their grip on Brady’s hips, and Brady couldn’t keep himself from touching Spencer’s face. His beard was still wild and scratchy, and it still clashed with his black hair, but it didn’t really bother Brady.

His hands moved lower, sliding down to Spencer’s shoulders and touching over him and when Spencer sighed against his mouth, Brady slid down onto his knees and unzipped Spencer’s jeans.

Brady had seen his dick before, usually when they jerked off or after Spencer fucked him, but they generally didn’t touch each other that way. But Brady knew what Spencer looked like, how long he was, and that he was uncut. Brady liked the way Spencer’s cockhead hid sometimes. He’d always been interested in it, wanting to explore because it was different from his own dick, but they never did that kind of thing, with his face in Spencer’s lap and Spencer watching him.

Brady thought maybe they should start.

He paused before reaching beyond Spencer’s zipper.

“Is this okay, man?”

Spencer just nodded slowly, “oh yeah, dude..”

Brady was slow about it, wanting to touch and look, and he watched the way Spencer thickened in his hand and the slit of his dick peeked out a bit as the hooded skin uncovered it. Brady gripped a little tighter, sliding Spencer’s foreskin down to uncover the wet cockhead underneath. He tried it again a few times, sliding the skin up and over the head of Spencer’s dick and then back down, pulling it taut as Spencer’s cock strained and leaked.

Spencer was sighing above him, “ahh Brady, please..” so Brady leaned forward and took him into his mouth.

Spencer’s dick was slick and salty and Brady licked over him, thinking about the way he liked his own dick sucked and trying to emulate it. Brady took him as deep as he could before realising it made him gag and he didn’t like that much, so he focused on licking and sucking on the end, using his hand to jack Spencer’s foreskin a bit. Spencer was writhing above him, making soft little whining sounds as he gripped the arms of the desk chair.

“Oh god, dude,” he gasped, “oh Brady, please, please keep going.”

So Brady did. He licked and sucked until Spencer was whining and coming down his throat. Brady had tasted his own jizz before and Spencer’s wasn’t much different, and it didn’t make him gag like the deep throating did. He moved his mouth over Spencer one last time, leaving him wet and licked clean, and Spencer leaned down to hold Brady’s face and kiss him.

“Oh man, you taste like me.”

“Obviously,” Brady grinned, “you just jizzed in my mouth.”

“I sure did,” Spencer smiled back, and then he slid down from the chair and joined Brady on the floor.

Spencer gave him a soft push, “lie down.”

Brady laid back and watched as Spencer knelt over him and loosened the ties on his joggers. His dick was tenting the fabric and Spencer looked at it before looking up at him.

“Can I suck you, dude?”

Brady’s eyes went wide. “God, dude, YES.”

He watched as Spencer pulled his joggers down and his dick sprung free, and then Spencer’s mouth was on him, wet and warm. Brady wanted to buck his hips up because it felt so good, and maybe Spencer knew it, because his hands moved to hold Brady’s bare hips again, pressing him to the floor as he took Brady’s cock as deep as he could. Spencer nearly gagged on it, and then he pulled his mouth back and completely away to watch the trail of spit and precum stretch between his lips and Brady’s cockhead.

“Spencer,” Brady gasped, wanting his mouth back, and Spencer moved down again, sucking over him nice and slow.

He’d had his dick sucked before, plenty of times, but Spencer’s mouth on him felt different. Sweet almost, and it gave Brady an odd feeling in his chest. He reached down to touch Spencer’s head, running his fingers through the fresh haircut, and Spencer glanced up at him, his green eyes soft and wanting as he smiled around Brady’s dick.

Brady watched him a little longer, enjoying the way Spencer’s lips moved over him, sucking him a little deeper each time. And when Brady felt himself teetering on the edge, he tipped his head back and pushed his hips against Spencer’s hands as he pulsed inside Spencer’s mouth. Those wet lips stayed tight around him, sucking every bit of jizz out of him until Brady was spent and unable to move another muscle.

Spencer flopped down next to him and after a moment he felt Spencer’s hand reach for his and they entwined their fingers.

“We should do that all the time.”

“Yeah, man.”

“Like, every day.”

“Yeah.”

Brady looked over and smiled at Spencer, and Spencer grinned back at him as he leaned in for another kiss.

It wasn’t really that complicated.

Brady was pretty sure he was in love. And Spencer was definitely his boyfriend.

#dude bro boyfriends #brady/spencer #rhink fic #but not exactly #they're randl characters #they were roommates #my fic #rhink #spencer/brady #sprady

93 notes · View notes

thevioletjones · 3 years

Note

I’d love to see you tackle 5 or 44! Congrats on the Kudos!

Thank you! 5 was included previously, so just 44. 🙂 This one is explicit, FYI.

Prompt 5: “I still remember the way you taste.”

Cell Date

Getting smart about how he acted behind bars was really starting to pay off for Mickey. Not only was he staying out of trouble so that he’d have a chance of making early parole, he was also forging advantageous relationships, mostly with the guards and the old-timers that liked to do good deeds like helping other inmates get an education or decent legal representation.

Little things like that, plus abstaining from shanking for pay or cold-cocking bitches who got mouthy, were making this Mickey’s most pleasant and drama-free stint in prison since his unceremonious induction into juvie ten years previous.

Along with his cooperation and best behavior came some quality perks: first pick of audiobooks from the dude he helped in the library; extra jello, pudding, and french fries from that dude’s kitchen husband; extended yard and gym time when the guard he had people doing favors for on the outside was on duty; and the holy grail, his very own recently acquired smartphone, which he could keep with him in his cell whenever the right people were working, and otherwise stow with a friend when sweep checks were imminent. All he had to do to get safekeeping was provide phone privilege favors. Gave him an extra source of income too, when he sold video call time to inmates on the side.

Tonight, though, he was finally gonna have the damn cell to himself all night long. His bunkmate had just been released, no one else had been assigned to his bed yet, and the overnight guard was a friendly. That meant that at long last, he’d be able to have some kind of sexual escapade with his boyfriend for the first time since he’d gotten locked up nine months ago. As a bonus, they could maybe stay up shooting the shit too. But really, Mickey was horny as hell, and he imagined that Ian was too.

They had a kind of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy when it came to banging other people while they were apart, but as a rule, they weren’t allowed to do it more than once a month, or with the same guy twice, blowjobs included. That meant a lot of lonely masturbation sessions on both sides of the prison walls.

It was cruel that the only relief they could get from each other was by proxy of their own hands anyway, but at least now they’d be able to watch each other and egg each other on. It wasn’t the most ideal situation ever, but it was way better than having to stick to innocuous topics on the prison landlines that ran out at the ten minute mark.

This was going to be a treat.

He waited ’til 30 minutes past lights out just to be sure the coast was clear, counting down the minutes like a fucking schoolgirl waiting to make an illicit phone call after her parents fell asleep. As soon as the digital display hit 9:30, he was eagerly punching in the memorized number, smirking as he selected the video option.

He actually felt nervous as it rang, irrationally worried that Ian would be indisposed despite their agreed upon time and date. It took almost four whole rings before the display lit up, and a buffering vision of Ian appeared.

Mickey’s smile couldn’t help but mirror the cheerful redhead’s, and it only widened when he heard his deep, familiar voice.

“Hey, Mick.”

“Gallagher,” he replied softly and full of affection.

“I can barely see you,” Ian said with a chuckle. “That's not really fair.”

“Oh, shit, yeah. Forgot. Hang on.”

He’d managed to get his hands on a clip-on reading light through the library contraband network, so it would have to do. He dug it out from the hole in his thin-ass mattress pad and clipped it to the bar of the lower bunk, angling it toward his face and flipping it on. It wasn’t exactly super-bright, but it was good enough.

“Happy now? This is the best I could do on the after-hours lighting.”

“Yeah, I am. You look good.”

“Shut the fuck up. You look way better. Like a free man.”

Ian ran a hand through his hair, and Mickey wished it were his hand. “It is a nifty advantage, but it’d be a lot better if you were next to me.”

“Yeah, no shit. I’m getting the rawer deal here.”

“Who’s fault is that?” Ian challenged with a raised brow.

Mickey licked his lips, humming. “Didn’t realize the purpose of this call was to get on my ass about gettin’ locked up. Thought we already did that fun routine.”

Ian sighed. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I just miss you.”

“I’m doin’ what I can, gingerbread. Might get lucky in the next few months. Been playin’ the game all nice like. No demerits on my scorecard.”

“I appreciate that. You know I’ll be waiting.”

“Mm.”

“So… what’s new?”

Mickey laughed. “You want me to recount the thrilling tales of the jailbird jerk-offs? How would that be interesting or entertaining?”

“I’m pretty sure you witness more random acts of weirdness than I do everyday. You want me to talk about my job and coworkers, or my niece and nephew? I’m sure you’re dying to know on all counts.”

“Yeah, you got me figured out, Gallagher. That’s exactly why I wanted this dimly lit video call with your pale ass.”

Ian snickered. “Is this the part where we jump straight to the sex?”

Mickey shrugged and scratched his balls. “I mean, if we were in person without that fuckin’ glass between us, we woulda already been bangin’ by now.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

“So?”

“What?”

“Show me your dick.”

Ian snorted, and it was nice to see him laugh unrestrainedly. They usually didn’t do too much laughing during his visits.

“It’s not hard yet.”

“Well, what the fuck you waitin’ for? Shoulda started before I called.”

“God, Mick, you really know how to romance a guy on his first date in nearly a year.”

“If this is a date, you got a really low bar, man.”

“Haven’t I always?”

“‘Ey! Fuck you.”

Ian laughed again and it made Mickey smile wide. He was gonna get addicted to these phone interludes, he could tell.

“Which reminds me… I expect you to take me out a few times when you get sprung, Milkovich. Restaurants, clubs, movies, the works.”

Mickey rolled his eyes. “Exactly how many acts of penance are on your little atonement list?”

“As many as I want. You got a problem with that?”

“You know I didn’t get locked up on purpose, right? Cuz I think you maybe don’t know that.”

“I think that I want you to stop putting yourself in situations where one of the possible outcomes is getting locked up. Cuz then we’re forced to resort to one sad long-distance video wank every nine months, which kinda fuckin’ blows, and not in the good way.”

“First of all, as long as I don’t get this shit confiscated by one of the asshole guards, we can keep doin’ this pretty regularly. Secondly, we haven’t even gotten to the wank part yet, so don’t call it sad. Also, is sex all that matters to you?”

“Says the guy who just told me to shut up and get my dick out.”

“Like you said, it’s been a long time.”

“And I’ve already told you that I miss you and want you beside me. I thought you wanted your dick stroked, not your ego.”

“Good one,” said Mickey, reaching down to fondle himself. “So how we gonna do this?”

“The only way we can, I guess.”

“Fine. Do I get to ask you to start touching yourself now?”

Ian giggled. “Yeah, yeah, let’s get it over with.”

“What kind of attitude is that? Get the hell on board or this ain’t gonna work.”

“Calm down and get your cock hard, convict boy.”

Mickey didn’t need to be told twice. He slipped his hand under the waistband of his boxers, rubbing and squeezing gently.

“You gonna give me somethin’ to look at or what?”

“Gimme a minute, fool. It’s not gonna be very pretty in its current state.”

They both went non-verbal for a while as their arms started working, the only sounds being stray gasps, rustling noises, and slick skin against skin.

“‘Kay,” urged Mickey, “lemme see it.”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“Fine, just flip the camera.”

Mickey pressed around and activated the rear camera with flash, licking his lips when the screen filled with Ian’s lower half, hand jerking his big dick in that perfect rhythm he remembered so well. It forced out a moan before he could catch himself.

“Mick,” Ian whispered, and he suddenly missed the feel of his boyfriend’s breath blowing hot against his skin as they fucked. And that just reminded him of the way he’d nip and lick at Mickey’s neck, or pinch his nipples at just the right time.

“Ian,” he groaned, his strokes getting faster and more deliberate now that he was fully hard. “Miss you.”

And that was definitely the lamest shit to say when you were supposed to be talking dirty for the purposes of video sex, but it’s what came out of his mouth on account of all the memories surfacing, coupled with the regret of not being able to put his hands on Ian or have Ian’s hands put on him.

Mickey had never wanted to suck a dick so badly in his entire life, simply because he was being denied the opportunity. He’d almost forgotten how delicious Ian’s cock really was. It could wreck him all night long, or Mickey could worship it a little on his hands and knees when the urge overcame him. He wanted it in him one way or the other. Keeping him away from it was cruel and unusual punishment.

“Wanna fuck you, Mick.” Ian was still using this soft, breathy voice that was making him crazy. “Wanna see your ass.”

Mickey’s hand faltered for a moment as he snickered. “How the fuck am I supposed to get you that camera angle right now, genius?”

“You really didn’t think this through enough first,” chided Ian.

“Suck my dick, Gallagher.”

“Mmm, I’d love to get my mouth on you right now. I still remember the way you taste.”

“Oh, shit.”

Mickey’s jerks got tighter with that fantasy egging him on, and silkier with the ease of the pre-cum oozing from his slit.

“You got something to stick up your ass?”

Mickey whined. “Fuckin’ wish. Don’t exactly got a dildo permit, and that’s the kinda contraband no one tries to smuggle or sell.”

“A finger or two will do, right?” asked Ian, pausing for a moment to squirt some lube into his hand.

“‘Ey! What the fuck? No fair! You want me to try and prop this thing somewhere so you can watch me finger myself without lube, and you’re gonna casually use some to jack off with right in front of me? Read the room, fuckhead.”

Ian chuckled. “Sorry, Mick. What happened to the mayo packets?”

Mickey grimaced, regretting ever having told Ian about sometimes using that condiment as lube when he wanted to spice up a solo sesh. “Shut the fuck up and just help me get a damn orgasm.”

“What else am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know! What am I, the video sex expert?”

“You’re not a sexpert?”

“Now is not the time for your lame jokes, okay?”

“Yeah, okay, but I’ve never done this before either, jackass. I already made my request and you’re ignoring it. You do that for me, I’ll do something for you.”

“Fine, but if I do this for you, I won’t be able to see shit while it’s happenin’, so you have to fuckin’ wait to blow your load, or I’ll never do this with you again.”

“So is that your request? To see me blow my load?”

“Bitch, do I need to explain how porn works to you? You know how at the end of the video, you get to see everybody come? Jizz flyin’ everywhere?”

“Oh, believe me, next time we’re actually together in bed, I will cover you in jizz from head to toe.”

“That’s a lofty goal. Could take a while.”

“I’m willing to put in the hours. Now… get to it.”

Mickey sighed and let his cock fall out of his grip, glancing around to try and figure out how he could set the camera up in a decent place to where it would actually get what Ian wanted in frame.

“You’re gonna have to tell me if I need to adjust it, but I don’t have a lot of options, so just tell me when it’s good enough. Don’t need to get all Scorcese with the precision.”

It took a couple of minutes to figure out something that worked, his erection flagging to half-mast as he concentrated on the task Ian had given him. He was pretty sure that Ian should be the one going out of his way to give Mickey a nice show, but he figured if he let Ian have one first, he could make requests for their next long-distance fuck date.

Once Ian said it was good, Mickey kneeled and sat on his haunches, body remaining upright. He could only imagine what his asshole looked like through that badly lit phone camera, but whatever. At least he didn’t have to look at it. Ian could go crazy for it if he wanted to, and apparently he was if the renewed moaning was any indication.

“Get it wet,” Ian directed.

Mickey licked his palm and gave his cock a few tugs to get it back into the game, then spit in his hand and did what he could to work it around his hole. He was crouched with the damn top bunk rubbing against his bent head, with no view other than stiff white sheets and his own thighs and dick.

Yes, Ian was going to owe him a nice fucking show for this crap.

“Well?” the cocky little prick demanded. “Play with it.”

“Hold your damn horses, I ain’t a cam boy,” retorted Mickey.

With a deep sigh, he emptied his mind of the discomfort of his position and the embarrassment of his actions, and just went for it, wetting his finger with his mouth, then shoving it in as far as he could get it on initial entry. It wasn’t very far, but he wiggled and shimmied it as he slid it in and out, until eventually it was in as far as it could go from the angle he was in. He could faintly hear Ian going to town on himself, and he once again longed to be the one doing it to him. Pressing his ass back onto Ian’s cock instead of his own measly finger. Getting Ian’s big hand around his own dick while he did it.

As it were, he had to use his left hand to get some action on his dick, and as soon as he got back into the swing of things on that score, he set about trying to hit his prostate with his right hand.

“Add another one,” rasped Ian.

“You’re gettin’ real mouthy, ain’t you,” Mickey complained, wetting his hand again before sliding in two fingers to the knuckles.

“Oh, sorry, am I supposed to just remain quiet during this phone sex?”

“Stop sassin' me while I try to hit the spot. Some of us don’t got long-ass E.T. fingers.”

Ian chortled. “Jesus, Mick. Can you not bring my favorite childhood movie into this? Plus, you don’t need to go that deep. Just flip your hand over and crook your fingers. You’ll find it.”

“You think you know my ass better than I do?”

“Probably.”

Mickey did as suggested, even though it was the weirdest combination of body angles. It didn’t do anything at first, then all of a sudden, “Oh.”

Both hands got fast and furious as he felt that familiar tingly throb building up inside. He let himself get lost in it for a few minutes, then came to just enough to realize that he wanted a visual of Ian to orgasm to. It’s what he'd been looking forward to all week.

All at once, he stopped, flipping onto his back and grabbing the phone. All he could see on screen now was the damn ceiling, which was annoying, but also hilarious, since it meant that Ian was probably holding the stupid phone a few inches from his stupid face.

“Why’d you stop?” asked Ian breathily.

“Cuz I wanna see you, numbnuts. As fascinating as your ceiling is, it'd be great if you got the main attraction back onscreen. Please and thank you.”

Ian tittered and angled the camera back down, pushing it past his sternum. “‘Kay, where’s yours?”

Mickey pointed his phone back toward his crotch, eyes extremely focused on Ian’s impossibly hard red dick and large pale hand, sighing when he touched himself again. He needed a finger or two back in his ass, though. He always came harder with something up his ass, and it reminded him more of Ian too.

But there was no way to film himself and still get a view of Ian, plus use both hands to get himself off. He had to choose one type of orgasm to have, and since he wasn’t entirely sure he could pop from anal only, he stuck with the jerking off.

Maybe Ian was right. He hadn’t thought this through enough. But he knew exactly what his daydreams would be scheming up until their next interlude.

“You gonna come all over yourself like I asked?” said Mickey.

“Just a sec,” Ian replied with a grunt.

Mickey’s hand synced up with Ian’s, flying up and down his length on the phone screen. “Wanna see it on your stomach and in your pubes.”

Ian’s moans and groans got louder and closer together, building Mickey’s excitement up to the edge.

And then of course his gay-ass boyfriend had to go and say some gay-ass shit like, “I love you!”

And then he was shooting jizz out the tip of his dick, letting it get everywhere.

And the effect was the same as a quality porno scene in that it made Mickey come too, eyes squinting shut as the sensations overwhelmed him. He wanted to throw the phone across the room, but he somehow managed to keep it resting against his chest and filming everything.

As soon as the last of it gushed out, he did let the phone drop next to him for a short time, and Ian must’ve been recovering too, because he didn’t hear any complaints. He reached for the toilet paper roll and wiped himself down as best he could, not bothering to put his shorts back on when he was done.

He flipped onto his stomach, picked up the phone and went back to the front camera, leaning it up against the wall as he burrowed a pillow under his chin.

“That was halfway decent, Gallagher.” He grinned in relaxed satisfaction.

Ian flipped his camera back too, lying on his side, and propping the phone up against what was probably the empty pillow next to him that Mickey should be on.

“You’ll get the real thing soon enough,” Ian replied with a sleepy smile.

“Fuckin’ hope so…” he trailed off in thought. “Sorry I can’t be there. It is my fault.”

“Nah, just forget about all that, okay? All we can do now is get through the time that’s left. But if you think I’m not gonna ride your ass the non-sexy way when you get out, you’re dead wrong. Not gonna let this shit happen again.”

“You want me workin’ some minimum wage bullshit legit job?”

“Yep. We know how to be poor, Mick. Tired of getting the shitty end of all the risk.”

“Your pillow talk could use some work, Red.”

“I know. Thanks for showing me your asshole earlier.”

Mickey laughed. “No sweat. Well, probly some sweat.”

Ian snorted and shook his head. “Shut up. I’m glad we get to do this. It’s nice being with you at bedtime.”

“Be nicer if it included your dick in my ass, but I guess it’s alright.”

“Want me to tell you about the boring shit now?”

“Might as well.”

“As long as you don’t fall asleep before you tell me you love me, bitch.”

Mickey frowned. “Normal people don’t shout that shit as they’re coming, you freak.”

“I don’t care when you say it, just fit it in.”

It wasn’t really something they could comfortably say to one another on their regular taped prison calls and visits. It was better for Mickey's orientation not to be common knowledge to the wrong people around the joint.

“I love you, you silly bastard, now tell me about your dumbass day.”

Ian smiled brightly. “Franny did the cutest shit…”

Mickey half-listened, content to be in the distant presence of Ian’s face, voice, and manner; imagining a day soon to come when they would be reunited for good in the great wide open.

#ian x mickey #fanfic #gallavich #fanfiction #asks #answers

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thewolfstarchives · 4 years

Note

Hii, I would like you to post you favourite fic recs, the ones you love the most and think everyone should read? :3

Hi! There’s a lot to choose from, and this is obviously a really hard question! But here are the ones we decided are truly some of our favourites, and we reread all the time!

Sorted by length:

Friends Don’t by shadow_prince (T, 2.2k, 1 chapter)

Remus huffed. “I mean, even at school. You never went on dates. And I thought maybe it was just because you were always with us and whatever, but. You never date.”

“What’s your point, Remus?”

“Why don’t you?”

He looked back down at the newspaper, unable to look him in the eye for the lie he knew would come next. “I just don’t like anyone.”

“Oh.”

Was that disappointment in his voice? No, it couldn’t be disappointment. Because that would mean Moony cared, and Moony didn’t care. Moony couldn’t care, because Moony was straight. If he wasn’t, he would have said something, and he hadn’t, so he had to be straight.

That didn’t stop him from glancing over the top of the paper to where he stood at the edge of the hallway. He was frozen in the way you froze just before you kicked off the ground on your broom. Right before a runner pushed off the block. Right before you dove off a cliff into the sea. Frozen with the promise of movement about to burst forth.

Sirius watched him, holding his breath.

“You’re lying.”

If You’d Let Me (But You Don’t) by @kerstintxt (T, 4.8k, 1 chapter)

"Today on the wire we have Sirius Black, the irresistible lead singer of The Marauders, a band we've been playing an awful lot lately, now that I think about it. They must be having a terrific time; just last year, the four boys from London were playing in tiny clubs and now they've just announced their first arena tour for next year. At the moment, they're touring in the UK, USA and Canada. Sirius, tell me, where are you right now?"

"Uh, give me a second. Remus", Sirius says as he leans a little too far over the edge of his bunk bed (a sharp turn of the bus would be really bad timing) so that he can look at Moony, who's reading on the bed under his. "Remus", Sirius says with the phone still pressed to his ear, "the nice lady on the radio wants to know where we are."

OR, the one where The Marauders are a rock band and Sirius should reeaalllly get his feelings for Remus under control if he doesn't want to ruin everything.

The London Underground Book Of Love by Children_of_the_Shadows (T, 5.2k, 1 chapter)

The cardinal rule of the London Underground is to never, ever make eye contact. It is a rule that, among many others, Sirius tends to follow despite his otherwise rebellious, non-rule-following nature. So the first time he makes eye contact with a human being in the subway comes as much of a shock to him as anyone else. Especially when he's unable to look away.

Love (Messy, Tragic, Devastating) by kmc123 (T, 12.7k, 1 chapter)

it is easier to say "fuck me harder" than to say "love me and only me" - k.y robinson

rumor has it by @punkaspadfoot (T, 15.1k, 1 chapter)

No student had ever figured out why Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin seemed to hate each other so much, and at this point in the year the seniors were done trying. All they had time to focus on now was finals and graduation, although the annual class trip provided a welcome distraction. Three days on a lake with their four favorite teachers and plenty of time to gossip had to be a good time, right?

Save Me, Save Me, Save Me by @mollymarymarie (N/A (no smut), 15.2k, 1 chapter)

Remus overhears a conversation between James and Sirius about Sirius being in love and discovers rather abruptly that he doesn't like the idea of Sirius being in love with anyone who isn't him. THEN WHY IS HE HELPING SIRIUS COOK THIS WOMAN DINNER??

Probably so that, while chopping vegetables in the kitchen, he and Sirius can perform an emotional duet, serenading each other to Phil Collin's "A Groovy Kind of Love." AND THEN GET ALL WEIRD ABOUT IT AFTERWARD.

Because they're idiots.

Let Nothing You Dismay by montparnasse (M, 18.9k, 1 chapter)

There are a few things Sirius really didn't count on for Christmas of 1979. The extreme sexual confusion is one of them; Remus Lupin is approximately seventy-eight of the rest.

Now I Wanna Be Your Dog by @remus-john-lupin (E, 20.1k, 7 chapters)

Sirius clunks about in his Doc Martens and listens to The Stooges and smokes cigarettes and wears his hair much too long and spends more time serving detention than not.

And is way too forward about his sudden feelings for Remus.

(A story about teenagers and summer love in the 70s.)

Vows Under the Covers by @mollymarymarie (Not Rated but has smut, 21.5k, 1 chapter)

Remus is getting married. And not to Sirius.

"All the promises - vows under the covers. We would play pretend, my love, But it was real. To me."

Likewise Variable by @oneangryshot (T, 28.9k, 17 chapters)

James has plans, Peter is the nurse, Sirius keeps fake blood up his sleeves, and Remus just tries to stay alive.

Solntse by @lumosinlove (N/A but has smut, 62k, 14 chapters)

Sirius, a young Russian billionaire hires Remus, who is working part time as a call boy to make ends meet. Things happen, feelings occur.

The Lad that Loved You by @mollymarymarie (N/A but has smut, 81.7k, 3 chapters)

James and Peter are out of sorts because Remus and Sirius are fighting. Except that they're not. They're REALLY not.

Here Comes Another One by PleaseDonateBlood (T, 82.7k, 17 chapters, WIP)

Do you ask every stranger you accidentally spontaneously befriend this many personal questions?

FRIEND it may have been spontaneous (destiny) but there was nothing accidental about this love

Also I guess that means this would be a bad time to ask for your name?

Your guess would be correct

What’s your name?

Wow. --- Sirius texts the wrong number. And so it begins. We did need another Wolfstar texting fic. We definitely did.

Currents by @quoththethestral (E, 109k, 17 chapters)

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black arrive in Sydney to compete in the Summer Olympics, both intent on making these games a better experience than the last. The two swimmers have a tumultuous history and intense rivalry, but can America’s golden boy and Great Britain’s notorious bad boy put their past behind them and find some common ground?

Palo Alto by @nachodiablo (M, 110.4k, 18 chapters)

Modern AU set in Silicon Valley.

It's easy for Sirius to ignore his mixed-up feelings while he's got Remus all to himself, but when Remus starts dating again, Sirius is forced to figure things out before Remus moves on for good. Or before James and Peter strangle them both.

Show Me Everything I Missed by @mollymarymarie (N/A but has smut & trigger warnings, 152.9k, 12 chapters)

In the middle of the aftermath left by life-shattering trauma, Sirius finds Remus, someone who understands better than anyone else ever could. And together, they take turns putting each other back together again when the nightmares of their pasts try to tear them apart.

Casting Moonshadows by Moonsign (M, 395.7k, 87 chapters, WIP)

Lonely and outcast by his classmates, Remus wishes on a moonshadow for a friend who understands him. To his amazement his wish is answered not once, but three times, by his former enemies, the Marauders.

Inquiries? Ask the Archivists!

#file under:#dan #kay #favorites #rec list #wolfstar fanfic #wolfstar fic #fic rec #wolfstar #remus lupin #remus x sirius #sirius x remus #remus/sirius #sirius black #hp fic rec #hp fic #hp fic recs #hp #harry potter

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coeurdastronaute · 4 years

Text

Essays in Existentialism: Ages

Hey there, in case you're taking prompts right now I would love to see you write something about Clarke & Lexa at different stages in life/ages, from like little kids (first meeting) to adults. Thank you for your time and love your writing!

The classroom was colorful and happy, brimming with numbers and letters and pictures of animals on the walls. An entire side had windows that looked out toward the yard and playground for recess and there were tiny desks arranged in little squares, while the back corner had a very nice looking story time circle.

Nervously, a tiny girl with messy brown hair stood behind her father’s legs and peered out at her new classroom. She could hear the kids screaming and having fun outside, and she wanted to sneak toward the window and see what they were doing, but she had to put her things in a cubby first, and her teacher had to tell her how to get there and where to sit.

It was all very new, and Lexa wasn’t sure how to handle it all, so she held onto the leg of her father’s uniform. She missed her old house, and her old park, and her old friends and her old city. She didn’t like the moving part, or that her new house had a scary basement.

“We are very excited to have Lexa here, and we appreciate you keeping us up to date on your deployment schedule,” the smiling teacher nodded before squatting down lower to Lexa’s level. “I know kindergarten can be kind of scary at first, but soon you’ll look back and say ‘wow, I didn’t have to be scared. I love it here’.”

Lexa dug into her father’s leg a little more, shying back slightly. He patted her hair before kneeling down as well.

“Hey, kid, come on. You’re not usually this shy,” he furrowed and held her tiny hands in his large ones. “What’s wrong?”

At first, Lexa looked around and shifted back and forth in her new sneakers. They lit up. But he waited patiently for a response.

“I don’t know nobody,” she mumbled.

“You’re going to meat the class soon,” he promised. “And you’ll make all kinds of great friends.”

“And now you know me,” Mrs. Gates offered. “Your dad told me you like superheroes.”

Lexa nodded after looking at her father for confirmation.

“I put you in a seat next to someone who also likes superheroes. Do you want to see your desk?”

When she didn’t move, her father decided it was time to do a bit more.

“I want to see your desk. That’s really cool. You can practice your letters and numbers and reading at your desk, isn’t that right, Mrs. Gates?”

“We’re going to learn so many things. We even get to do science experiments.”

“One time, we made a tornado in a bottle,” Lexa offered quickly. “I got to pick the color and I picked blue because I like blue.”

Slowly, Lexa came out of her shell as she walked toward her desk, her father holding her hand and showing her the name tag on it. She sat there and smiled slightly before looking at her cubby and moving to put her bag there herself.

The noise outside calmed and moved to the hall a few moments later.

“I’m going to go back to work now, Lex. But you’re going to stay here and Mom will pick you up after school, okay?”

“Do you have to?”

“I do, kid,” he smiled. “What are we?”

“Tough.”

“And.”

“Brave.”

“And.”

“Kind.”

“That’s right,” he nodded and kissed her forehead. “I’m so proud of you, and I will want to hear all about your day at dinner okay? So have a good time.”

Lexa nodded and sat at her desk quietly going back into her shell when her father waved at the door and disappeared.

At nearly the same moment, the class filtered back in, noticing a new person and not knowing what to do with the news.

“Good afternoon, scientists,” the teacher greeted them. “We have a new friend who is joining us today. Her name is Lexa. Can everyone say hello to Lexa?”

The chorus rang out, some more energetic than others.

“Lexa is coming to us from Virginia. Does anyone know anything about Virginia?”

There was a rumble of no’s.

“Would you like to tell us something, Lexa?”

“Um,” she swallowed. “I used to live close to the beach and I got to see a hurricane once.”

The series of ooh’s and ahh’s made her feel a little braver than the fake level of confidence her father had instilled her with. She pushed at the haphazard hair that fell into her eyes.

“Wow, that must have been scary.”

“It was. There was purple lightning.”

Again the crowd was fascinated.

“Now I want each of you to take turns meeting Lexa over the next few days and telling her your names and being helpful. Wouldn’t we all want some nice friends if we moved somewhere new?”

The group nodded along, still eyeing her, but less brutally than before.

“Okay, loves. To your seats and let’s show Lexa how we behave after recess, okay?”

With more than enough confidence to spare, a tiny blonde girl marched toward Lexa and sat down beside her.

“Hi. My name is Clarke Griffin. I am going to show you around. It’s my job.”

“Oh.”

“We can be friends if you want.”

Lexa just nodded and stared at her blue eyes.

“I like your hair. It reminds me of Tarzan’s or Wonder Woman.”

Still confused about the little person who sat beside her and said things with such clarity and confidence, Lexa pushed her hair away from her face again and nodded.

“I like your… eyes. They are like the sky, and the sky is my favorite thing ever.”

“Ever?” Clarke asked incredulously.

“Mhm. Did you know there are like a million stars? And clouds are cool.”

“Yeah, they are,” she nodded and dug into her desk for a notebook. “Have you seen Frozen yet?” Lexa shook her head sadly. “I just got it. You should come watch it. We can build a fort.”

“I am really good at that.”

“Me too! Ours will be awesome!”

From the front of the classroom the teacher smiled to herself, allowing the group extra time to settle as the two new friends talked a little bit. She saw Lexa cover her mouth from laughing and Clarke made some kind of face and shared a pencil.

By the end of the day, Lexa was certain Clarke was the best person on the planet. She was very nice and she liked good movies and they had the same favorite food of pizza and ice cream and candy. She couldn’t keep quiet when her mom picked her up, and she nervously paced near the front door, looking out the window for her father to come home so she could tell him everything, sparing no detail.

“Daddy!” Lexa pounces on him from the steps as soon as he makes it into the still packed house in need of organization.

“Hey kid, I missed you so much,” he hugged her tightly. “How was school?”

“I made a friend! And it was very fun. We saw pictures of bugs!”

“Wow, what a day. Do you want to go back tomorrow?”

“Mhm.”

“Good. Now tell me everything.”

“You’re still my best friend.”

The statement came out angry and informative. It was declarative and exact, a fact that could not be argued. It was a law of nature. It was absolute.

Lexa nodded, agreeing eagerly and quickly.

“We can talk on the phone and write letters,” Clarke decided. “We can watch movies together, too sometimes. I can ask my mom to use her iPad.”

Again, Lexa nodded.

“This is stupid and I hate the military and I hate that you have to leave.”

Nod.

Clarke had a temper. She liked to yell when she was frustrated, and she’d stomp her foot and clench her fists at her sides, arms straight and her face would get red with a distinct type of rage that Lexa learned to avoid and how to calm her down when needed. Sometimes it was impossible. Clarke said it felt like she was trapped in one of those balls of snow that roll down a hill and get bitter and bigger, and the anger was just rolling around her and she couldn’t escape it. And Lexa could get that, even if she didn’t show it.

“You’re my best friend,” Clarke finally sighed. “And I don’t want to lose you.”

Lexa shook her head and hugged her friend quickly, tightly, eagerly.

“You’re my best friend, too. I don’t care where my dad gets stationed. I wont’ be anyone else’s best friend ever.”

The pair stood there, clinging to each other, uninterested in separating, even by a few inches. There were not many things more powerful than a friendship of two people who worked well together, already seamlessly filling in each other’s personality points and understanding the other’s moods. There was an innate ease between them that always existed, and even now, when clearly stuck in the midst of intense turmoil, they just hugged each other and tried to be better for the other.

“When do you have to leave to move?”

“Next month, right after school ends,” Lexa sighed.

“So we still have time to do all kinds of hings,” Clarke decided. “Maybe my mom will let you come visit for the summer or for breaks. Or I can come visit you.”

“Yeah,” her friend agreed eagerly. “My grandma and grandpa still live near here, so we will have to come close to see them.”

“And then we can go away to college together, and live together, like my cousin Chris.”

“We can?”

“Oh yeah. In the dorms. We get our own beds and sometimes they can be bunk beds.”

“Wow,” Lexa mouthed, her eyes wide.

Even so young, she just enjoyed listening to Clarke talk and tell stories. She bit every single time, and she didn’t care if it was true or not. The only thing that matter was the Clarke knew a lot and Clarke liked to share.

“You won’t forget about me?” Clarke asked after a moment of looking at her shoes. She looked up at her friend, her bet friend, and she waited nervously.

“No way,” Lexa swore. “I could never.”

Clarke held out her little finger and waited for Lexa to shake, completing the promise.

“And I won’t forget about you, never ever,” Clarke swore.

The solemn vow complete, neither knew what came next, only that they were already aware of how little time a month was, and now had to fill up every second.

The gymnasium was packed to the brim with people as the tournament drew to a close during the finals match. Cheers and the echo of shouts and coaching practically vibrated the entire arena. Though she wasn’t much of a fan of sports, Clarke Griffin was, in fact, a fan of one basketball player who travelled across the country to play in the girl’s high school national championships.

Even though Lexa moved nearly five years prior, their solemn vow, that between elementary school chums who were young enough to believe in such things, held strong with them talking every day, and gradually moving up to emails and FaceTime and text. Periodically, over that half decade, they’d even been grated time to see each other, whether it was family trips or one going to stay with the other’s family for a school break. Whenever they were asked where they wanted to go, the answer was always to each other.

When Lexa texted after they won state, she was over the moon, and Clarke immediately made sure to get tickets so she could see her best friend play, even though she still didn’t particularly understand the rules, no matter how often Lexa explained them.

“I can’t believe you guys have stayed in touch so long,” Abby smiled as Clarke sat down from cheering and yelling Lexa’s name after she scored. “It seems like just yesterday you were coming home from kindergarten to tell me about your new best friend, Lexa.”

“It just kind of works,” Clarke shrugged, unable to pinpoint why it did. There wasn’t an easy answer or any real logic to it. Perhaps it was mostly dumb luck.

“Hard to believe that little girl is playing in a national championship,” Jake agreed. “I’ve been following her stats online. She’s ranked and is set to go to a Division I school.”

“Lexa’s going to the University of Oregon, just like me.”

“You’ve changed your mind a hundred times and you’re halfway through your sophomore year.”

“That’s where she wants to go, and it’s where I want to go.”

“We’ll add it to the list, but don’t think about it too much just yet,” Jake shared a look with his wife. “A lot can happen in a year.”

Clarke didn’t want to argue. Instead, she clapped and cheered as Lexa was subbed out in the third. She wasn’t particularly invested in the rest of the game without Lexa out there, but Clarke did her best to watch the entire thing and stay involved with what was happening. In the end, Lexa’s team won, and she cheered the loudest of all. She was wearing Lexa’s old jersey. She was a true fan.

“You did so well, honey,” Jake promised as he hugged Lexa after they cleaned and gotten ready in the lock room.

It was a long ceremony, to lift the trophy and answer questions, and listen to coaches. Clarke just grew more and more anxious. She hadn’t been able to see much of Lexa because of the game for the past two days, and she only had 2 more to see her. They always knew they had to make the most of it.

“Congrats!” Clarke cheered as she launched herself at her best friend, hugging her tightly as they met in the lobby of the convention center. “That was amazing. You’re the best basketball player in the nation.”

“I don’t know about that,” Lexa chuckled and hugged her back, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “Thanks for sticking through it though. I’m sure it wasn’t very fun to watch.”

“Yeah, well. Best friends, biggest fan and such.”

They hang on each other, never far apart as the family made their way to a celebratory dinner, facetiming with Lexa’s family to share the good news since they couldn’t make the trip. It was exceedingly normal for Lexa to be taken in my the Griffins; it happened nearly every year in some way, same for Clarke with the Woods. Jake spent dinner going over all of the plays and applauding Lexa’s efforts, amazed that she could do such things. He only took credit for her layup, as they’d spent a good portion of her last visit the previous summer working on it in the driveway after diner. Lexa let him have it. It wasn’t lost on her that he put up a basketball hoop for her and her alone, even though she spent collectively less than three months over the past five years at their house.

Ice cream was a given. The rest of the team would be back at the hotel, probably drinking their water bottles of vodka. Lexa was the youngest on the team, the only underclassman on varsity, and she was oddly grateful to miss it. Nothing could beat ice cream with Clarke and her parents. Only there, sitting outside in the chilly autumn evening, did she swap cones with Clarke as they had since they were five. Only there, did she let Clarke wear her jacket because she was cold.

The Griffins had a guest room. They had two, in fact. But after the festivities and still a little giddy from the evening, the two friends climbed to Clarke’s room and tried to settle in for a movie.

Freshly showered, Lexa fiddled with the menu, trying to find something to watch while Clarke took her turn showering and washing the excitement off. She played with her phone, texting back friends home and the team lazily, stretched out in Clarke’s bed.

It shouldn’t have been as big of a deal when Clarke walked out in her towel, asking about what movie they were going to watch. But it somehow was a big deal and Lexa found herself sitting up slightly against the headboard. She looked at Clarke’s bare shoulders as she slipped underwear on. She stared, wide-eyed and dry-mouthed as the towel dropped, and Clarke slipped on shorts and then an old shirt before toweling her hair.

“You used all the hot water, and I will not be allowing you to shower first, no matter how many championships you win,” Clarke decided, as she joined her in the bed.

“That’s fair.”

Suddenly, Lexa was aware of how close they laid together in bed, and how they shared the blankets, and how they watched part of the movie before falling into their normal quiet talking in the middle of the night. She wasn’t sure how or why or what except she was very comfortable and uncomfortable with how comfortable she was.

“My dad thinks it’s ridiculous I plan on going to the same school as you.”

“I haven’t gotten in anywhere,” Lexa reminded her. “Or any actual offers.”

“You will,” Clarke promised. “I’m just keeping my options open. It’d be nice to be near you.”

Lexa smiled to herself in the dark and felt Clarke scoot closer so they were facing each other, their knees touching.

“We haven’t gotten much time alone this visit,” Lexa sighed.

“Kind of rude of you to interrupt it with basketball.”

“But at least I got to visit.”

“True. I needed this,” Clarke yawned. “It’s been a rough semester.”

“Because you’re dating a real dumb guy.”

“But he’s so cute.”

Lexa couldn’t help groaning and wiggling around in bed. She made a show of rolling over before she felt Clarke pull her back with a chuckle.

“He’s a moron and you can do a billion times better than Finn.”

“I know, he’s just… nice. He’s steady and doesn’t take much effort.”

“Shouldn’t it take some effort?” Lexa ventured, not at all sure about any philosophies about love or relationships.

“Probably a combination of effortlessness and effort,” Clarke nodded. “How’s your crush? Did she text you after you won?”

“It’s going good,” she shrugged in the dark. “I don’t know if she knows it’s a crush or not.”

“You have to be daring and bold. You’re already charming and funny and adorable. She has to have a crush on you. Just ask her out when you get back. Or text her right now.”

“Let me think about it a little more.”

“Fine,” Clarke finally relents and yawns again. “Do you think being in love with someone is talking in the middle of the night, but like forever?”

There’s a quiet in the bedroom in the middle of the night as Lexa mulls over the words. Since they were five, Clarke was the sure one, the loud one, the persistent and confident and sure one.

“I hope love is comfortable. I hope it’s talking all night. I hope it also makes you nervous and excited to see the other person. I hope it’s being someone’s one person that they count on no matter what. I hope being in love is all of those things. It has to be, right?”

“You make it sound like we’re in love. I think you just described our entire friendship.”

Lexa blushed and cleared her throat.

“But we’re best friends. We can’t be in love.”

The quiet settled there again until Clarke readjusted and sighed.

“Exactly.”

“It’d be nice though,” Lexa sighed as well. “To be in love with my favorite person on the planet.”

“It would.”

“Unfortunately, my best friend is painfully straight. Oh darn.” She tried to make her voice sound lighter, like this wasn’t a very confusing hole she’d somehow dug herself into.

“God, I have to dump Finn.”

They both chuckled at that, breaking the fog of the layered conversation they found themselves stuck in. And with that it was easy to fall back into talking about everything else until neither could keep their eyes open.

The sorority house on Sorority Row was spilling out onto the yard and into the street with people celebrating the start of spring semester. For a moment, Lexa stood on the sidewalk and looked up at the brightly lit building and took a deep breath. She’d spent most of her free time not practicing or with the team here, in Clarke’s room, or doing something with Clarke.

It was almost an accident that they ended up at the same school, with Lexa accepting the offer late in the year, well after Clarke had been accepted and decided. And it was the best decision of her life because she got to spend so much time with her best friend, and her best friend was at every home game. And for two years, Lexa watched her best friend date her way through a handful of steadies that all bugged her to no-end. And she knew why. She knew exactly why and yet she could never say. That would ruin everything.

So Lexa stood there for a moment and prepared herself to survive another night of being in love with her best friend and watching her flirt with someone else.

Lexa had a fairly good reputation all over campus due to her breakout season on the court and a Division Championship under her belt. She was active in a few clubs, volunteer organizations, and mostly, she was Clarke’s friend.

“Lexa!” Clarke cheered, hugging her tightly as soon as she found her. “I was wondering when I’d get to see you.”

“I came as soon as I could, darling. I know you miss me too much if I leave you waiting.”

“I’m a demanding broad, and you know me well, skipper.”

“You two are disgusting,” Raven observed.

Lexa just looked down at Clarke who still clung to her, arms wrapped around her middle and grinning back. They were a rather disgusting pair, especially when they did their loving rendition of a polite couple.

“You are looking rather cute tonight,” Lexa observed.

“I’ve been known to look cute from time to time. Shouldn’t be too surprising.”

Lexa just rolled her eyes and waited for Clarke to tug her hand toward the bar. They were practically a packaged deal, and not many believed they’d been friends since they were children because that just didn’t happen anymore, especially across time and space to such stretched degrees.

But the night went on as it usually did, with music and dancing, though neither were extremely heavy drinkers that often, they retained a mild buzz that lasted into the wee hours of the morning. Rarely where they far away from the other. Often, Lexa would find herself looking across the room and finding her friend.

But the party waned, and Lexa let herself be invited to stay instead of trying to traverse her way home across campus. There were enough of her old shirts and workout shorts as part of Clarke’s wardrobe that she always had clothes around anyway.

Lazily, Lexa lounged on the bed as Clarke finished getting ready for bed. She scrolled on her phone for a little bit and yawned, exhausted by the day and drinks.

When Clarke walked out of the bathroom, Lexa stared more intently at her phone because her friend was in a bath towel, and that was too much to handle anymore. She didn’t look. For a solid ten seconds. But then the towel disappeared, and she saw the curly hairs at the base of Clarke’s neck, her hair pulled up in a sloppy bun as she slid on a shirt. Lexa watched all of it happen and she couldn’t pretend otherwise.

“That was a good night, darling. We should have the gang over more often,” Clarke decided with a smile as she turned back toward the bed.

“That was a small showing. I expected better.”

“I’ll russell up a better gang, I swear.”

With a chuckle, Clarke flipped off the light and got into bed, careful to crawl over Lexa and find her spot against the wall. Lexa felt all of that and she remained stoic, staring at the ceiling and thinking about the queen and such.

“I can’t believe we’ve been having sleep overs since we were five,” Clarke whispered.

“You kind of made me be your friend. Mrs. Gates sat me beside you and that was it.”

“Do you think she knows what she started?”

“We should let her know.”

An arm moved around Lexa’s middle. It grabbed her arm and pulled it around her body so that Clarke was the little spoon. Over the past few months, Clarke had been more affectionate, physically. She’d taken the time to touch Lexa and hug her, though Lexa chalked it up to her own wavering brain looking for something that wasn’t there, and resoling herself to being the best friend anyone could ask for. Best friends were the big spoon sometimes.

Stuck smelling Clarke’s hair, Lexa closed her eyes and let her arms squeeze her friend, eclipsed by her taller frame. She held her breath for as long as she could.

“I sleep best when you’re in bed. I’m getting spoiled,” Clarke yawned, wiggling slightly as she found a comfortable spot.

“I’ll have to train your future husband in how to do it.”

“I don’t think I want anyone else.”

“You have your pick of the litter. We’ll find you a squire to court you.”

“Nah,” she sighed, smiling. “I only want you.”

“I, um,” Lexa gulped and felt Clarke’s thumb on her wrist, rubbing soothingly as she was known to do. “I only want you, too.”

“Good.”

It’d been a long day. The world’s longest day. The worst, longest, most exhausting day, and all Lexa wanted to do was sleep. Sleep would wash away the entire week that beat her up, and sleep would save her from dinner with her parents. Sleep was a welcomed reward she was hoping to cash in on so she could escape the stress of breathing.

Cranky and sore, Lexa tossed her keys on the table by the door and chucked her bag on the chair in the living room, kicking off her shoes as she made her way down the hall toward the kitchen. The house was quiet and empty for a Friday night, and she appreciate that for the time being.

From the fridge, she dug out a bottle of beer and tossed the cap on the counter before shrugging off her jacket between eager swigs. With heavy feet, she padded upstairs and collapsed into the bed with a grunt, hoping a nap would help her escape the headache that’d been brewing since before lunch. Still with her work clothes on, Lexa fell asleep quickly and without any resistance.

It wasn’t until she felt the bed dip that Lexa smiled into the bed, a familiar weight settled atop her, squishing her slightly with affection.

“Long day?” Clarke whispered, kissing her fiancé’s shoulder though her shirt.

“Long week,” Lexa complained and stretched, enjoying the feeling.

“Want to order pizza and take a bath?”

“Very much.”

“I’ll open the wine.”

Though she tried to move, Lexa flipped, holding Clarke to her, finally kissing her softly, and then eagerly, and then happily.

“How was your day, darling?”

“Not nearly as bad as yours.”

“Good.”

Clarke sat up slightly and pushed her messy hair away from her face as it fell in front of her eyes as she tried to kiss her best friend and make her smile.

“I think being in love might be wine and pizza and a bath,” she grinned, running her thumb along Lexa’s cheek and jaw and then neck before kissing her again.

“Let’s find out.”

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