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sansa286 · 10 months

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Alicent Hightower's Top 3 Placements in Astrology

Alicent Hightower was one of many stand-out characters in House of the Dragon. Like with my Aemond post, I thought it would be interesting to analyze her character through my guesses on what her astrological placements would be for Sun, Moon, and Ascending/rising.

NOTE: I'm not a professional astrologer, I simply love learning about it. This was purely for fun.

Sun Sign

Virgo

Sun sign basics: Your core self, your conscious self. Your initial character and ego.

Virgo sun traits that align with Alicent: Practical, hardworking, dislike for being the center of attention, shy, anxious, critical, responsible, modest, pessimistic and aloof.

A lot of people believe Alicent to be a Virgo, and I am inclined to agree (as a Virgo myself, I see it.) She has this want of being useful that is a key Virgo trait. Before the main events of the series we see it through being a responsible and studious girl. Rhaenyra is clearly the more rebellious of the two as Alicent wants to study while Rhaenyra wants to do anything but. As they make their way through the court Alicent is shyly waving and greeting all the other lords and ladies at, while Rhaenyra makes for a one-track path to her mother. As Queen, her entire existence becomes being useful for the realm, so she provides four children to the King and when he is too sick to do his duties, she steps up, even taking his seat at the Small Council. She doesn't just want to be an ornament to society, she wants to actually be useful and get stuff done. That GIF I chose for this section is the epitome of this aspect of her personality; Alicent and Viserys do not have an amazing relationship in the slightest and truthfully, she has every reason to let him rot after how he treated their children, however out of her sense of duty as his wife (and yes, love) she rushes to help him.

Her practical side comes out in a couple of scenes. The first is the scene with Viserys in Episode 3 when she tells him that in order for Rhaenyra to get on board with getting married, she must choose her husband, and takes a hand in organizing her tour for her. This shows practicality because Alicent knows Rhaenyra would not do well in an arranged marriage (as we come to see later.) The second time it comes out is during her spill to Rhaenys about guiding men in the right direction; Alicent knows as a woman in Westeros her power is limited, but that she has somewhat of a shot at some power through influencing the men in who hold it. While this is completely irrational from a modern-day point of view (and rightly so, you can only influence people who want to be influenced!) by Westerosi standards, this is pretty much the only way women outside of Rhaenyra and a select few others can muster any power. So, while she did demand to be the center of attention at Rhaenyra's wedding during the Green Dress Scene, she is still at her core someone who doesn't mind taking the back seat as long as she has some (or most/all) control.

Moon Sign

Scorpio

Moon sign basics: Your innermost self. It reveals your deepest thoughts, emotions, fears and desires.

Scorpio moon traits that align with Alicent: Intuitive, secretive, strong-willed, vengeful, emotional/sensitive, moody, and truth-seeking.

One of the defining traits of Scorpio moon is a need for deep relationships, and there isn't a single relationship in Alicent's life that isn't meaningful. From her friendship to Rhaenyra, to her strained relationship with Otto, and even Viserys to an extent, there is a lot deeper to it than meets the eye. Can these relationships be a source of stress for Alicent? Sure. But she would rather have meaningful relationships that are a bit touchy than ones that meant nothing at all. Scorpio in moon is a very emotional placement, as the moon-sign is all about your innermost self, and the sign of Scorpio is all about what lies beneath the surface. Alicent may be a person who seems very straightforward and pragmatic, and those are aspects of her personality, but deep down she is craving a life full of meaning and purpose which she is only somewhat fulfilled in by doing her duties as Queen. When Rhaenyra returns, Alicent is so quick to try to mend things just after she apologizes because at the end of the day, she wants that strong connection they used to have back in their youth.

Scorpio moon is also a sign of transformation, which we see throughout the show. Alicent goes from a slightly naive and unassuming girl, to someone who is willing to put up a fight. The beginning of her transformation is believed to be the Green Dress Scene, however I would argue it began when she first got married to Viserys. We see from that point on she gets more politically savvy and willing to learn the ins and outs of power, and use it. She tells Viserys that Rhaenyra must pick her mate if he wants her to get married, which is essentially her leveraging her status as his wife and queen to the benefit of her best friend. We also see this in the scene where she confronts Rhaenyra in front of the Weirwood in Episode 5; granted she was pissed, but she also wanted to help Rhaenyra regardless of what had occurred on Rhaenyra's night out. In true Scorpio fashion, what ends up upsetting Alicent the most about the situation is that Rhaenyra lied, not the situation itself. The Green Dress Scene is significant because it marks a turning point for Alicent in the astrological sense - beforehand she did not like the attention that came with being queen, but now she's demanding it for the first time.

In later years we see just how vindictive Alicent has become through demanding to see Joffrey once he's fresh out of the womb, thus denying Rhaenyra proper time with her newborn infant, and through instilling fear in her children over the prospect of Rhaenyra being heir. We also see a much more strong-willed Alicent that completes this arc in Episode 9 when she not only confronts her father over his wrongdoings, but sets the stage for Aegon's coronation on her terms, not Otto's. This could also be read as revenge for Otto and the Small Council going behind her back for the greater part of a decade, scheming to put Aegon on the throne without her; while they might have won the battle, the moment Criston and Aemond snatched Aegon up, Alicent won the war.

Rising Sign

Cancer

Ascending/rising sign basics: What you present yourself as. What first impression you make. Your appearance.

Cancer ascending traits that align with Alicent: Protective, sympathetic, hypersensitive, devoted

Cancer in astrology represents the mother archetype which is what Alicent tries to project once she becomes queen. You could argue even before as that was essentially what she was expected to become: a mother, per Westerosi expectations for women and also her devout practice to the Faith with the Mother as the main female archetype that is prayed to.

Aegon, Helaena, and Aemond are all born relatively soon after each other. Alicent knows that part of her role in the Hightower's plot to gain power in King's Landing is by being the perfect queen and mother to the potential heirs to the Iron Throne. She devotes herself to her children, albeit in different ways to Rhaenyra. Despite not finding her hobby particularly interesting, Alicent still listens to Helaena go on about insects and doesn't block her from pursuing her interests. She stands up for Aemond on multiple occasions, and while Aegon is...well Aegon, she still loves him, and on top of that, loves him enough to keep trying to correct his behavior. While she's not as doting of a mother as Rhaenyra, Alicent does love her children dearly and everything she does is to protect them.

Another scene that depicts this archetype is the controversial one with Dyana. She embraces her as a mother would comforting her daughter, and there has been so much analysis on how Alicent sees herself in Dyana as yet another girl taken advantage of by the men around her. It must be emphasized that Alicent very well could have Dyana executed for speaking the truth about Aegon, and there are some queens that definitely would have (Cersei, Visenya, etc...) however she instead gives her moon tea (while ambiguous, Dyana was barely a teenager and should not be forced to carry her assaulter's baby) and gives her money. Very much hush-money as we see in the rest of the thinly veiled threat, but money that Dyana can use to start a new life in a place where Aegon can never hurt her again. I got the sense that Alicent wished that someone had done the same for her when she was trapped: give her a means to escape. Maybe with a princess on dragonback or maybe with a sack of pity money, but escape nonetheless.

Finally, part of fulfillment for a Cancer ascending with her Virgo-need to be helpful is through familial deeds and nurturing those they care about. Alicent spends most of her life caring for her ailing husband even up to his deathbed and last breath. Viserys's health is of a constant concern to her, and even in her early days as queen she would excuse the chamber maids to bathe him herself. She gets Aegon together for his coronation, and well, we all know how much of a wreck he is. To a lesser extent we see this side of her with Rhaenyra in their youth when she makes sure that Rhaenyra knows her studies. In a sense, Alicent's way of expressing love is through these deeds.

#alicent hightower #alicent #house of the dragon #hotd #a song of ice and fire #asoiaf #astrology #zodiac placements #sun signs #moon signs #rising signs #ascendant signs #zodiac signs

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myopinionhi · 4 years

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A Will Solace Character Analysis: the Underappreciated Soft Side

I've noticed many fanfictions have Will Solace OOC. So I’ve been thinking about aspects of Will’s personality fans seem to either gloss over or exaggerate. Here, this post is me doing an in-depth analysis explaining Will Solace’s canon personality in the books, and how it can sometimes differ from fanfictions. Sprinkled in this analysis are tips to fanfiction writers on how they write Will as more in-character.

There is one major aspect of Will that people seem to ignore or underemphasize. Nico best explains it when describing Will in this quote

Jason was a fighter. You could tell from the intensity of his stare, his constant alertness, the coiled-up energy in his frame. Will Solace was more like a lanky cat stretched out in sunshine. His movements were relaxed and nonthreatening, his gaze soft and far away. In his faded SURF BARBADOS T-shirt, his cutoff shorts and flip-flops, he looked about as aggressive as a demigod could get, but Nico knew he was brave under fire. During the Battle of Manhattan, Nico had seen him in action - the camp's best combat medic, risking his life to save wounded campers.

To sum it up, Will Solace is a very chill and calm character. A lot of writers make Will more irrational, impulsive, overbearing, and emotional than he actually is. Will is not the type of character to create drama unless he's, as Nico puts it, "under fire." In other words, the intense side of his personality doesn't come out unless the situation is urgent or dire.

Fans remember during the Second Giant War how he gets angry and argues with Nico over Nico's health and shadow-traveling, so many assume Will is going to be this fiery over a lot of other things regarding their relationship. For example, fanfic writers may make Will controlling or overly sensitive with Nico. However, keep in mind, Will gets heated with Nico during the Second Giant War because Nico's shadow-traveling is killing him. This is how Will describes Nico's dire state.

"Coach Hedge told me all about your shadow-travel. You can’t try that again."

"I just did try it again, Solace. I’m fine."

"No, you’re not. I’m a healer. I could feel the darkness in your hand as soon as I touched it. Even if you made it to that tent, you’d be in no shape to fight. But you wouldn’t make it. One more slip, and you won’t come back. You are not shadow-travelling. Doctor’s orders."

Will is a healer. When he touches Nico's hand, he can sense how little sleep and food Nico has been getting and how Nico's being taken over by darkness. Nico is on the verge of death and hasn't cared about his health for a long time. Nico is also stubborn about it, so Will has to be aggressive in order to save Nico's life. This aggressive behavior is not the norm for Will, but it can sometimes come out when he has to assert control in a life-or-death situation.

Will is a calming prescence. He's a diplomat. He stops violence on multiple occassions.

He's one of the few people who's able to calm Clarisse's violent rage, and he does so in a gentle manner.

Clarisse pointed her dagger at Rachel. "What about their allies, huh? Did you see that tribe of two-headed men that arrived yesterday? Or the glowing red dog-headed guys with the big poleaxes? They look pretty barbaric to me. It would’ve been nice if you’d foreseen any of that, if your Oracle power didn’t break down when we needed it most!"

Rachel’s face turned as red as her hair. "That’s hardly my fault. Something is wrong with Apollo’s gifts of prophecy. If I knew how to fix it –"

"She’s right." Will Solace, head counsellor for the Apollo cabin, put his hand gently on Clarisse’s wrist. Not many campers could’ve done that without getting stabbed, but Will had a way of defusing people’s anger. He got her to lower her dagger. "Everyone in our cabin has been affected. It’s not just Rachel."

One of the most underrated Will Solace moments is when he stops a bloody battle from happening between Camp Half-Blood and Camp Jupiter.

But he knew it wouldn’t do any good. After weeks of waiting, agonizing and steaming, the Greeks and Romans wanted blood. Trying to stop the battle now would be like trying to push back a flood after the dam broke.

Will Solace saved the day.

He put his fingers in his mouth and did a taxicab whistle even more horrible than the last. Several Greeks dropped their swords. A ripple went through the Roman line like the entire First Cohort was shuddering.

"DON’T BE STUPID!" Will yelled. "LOOK!"

People are so used to seeing demigods, especially male demigods, being aggressive fighters that they can't wrap their heads around a brave and strong demigod who actively tries to avoid unnecessary conflict and destruction as much as he can.

And that's Will Solace's strength: he has the ability to prevent as much harm as possible.

Will is a difficult character to write. There's a lot of dueling factors with his personality. He's calm and pacifying while also being brave and assertive. He's fun and lighthearted while also being intelligent, logical, and grounded. He's laidback while also being responsible and hardworking. He's insecure but not melodramatic. He's very caring and protective but not pushy.

Will's personality confuses Nico sometimes too.

He’d always thought of Will as easygoing and laid back. Apparently he could also be stubborn and aggravating.

The trick to writing Will is to keep in mind his default personality is a soft and lighthearted character. Writers tend to overemphasize the hard side of his personality when his default personality is actually the soft side.

Think of the relaxing, lanky cat metaphor Nico uses for him. He and Nico bicker often, and it works for Will because he rolls with everything and doesn't take things too seriously. He's able to alleviate Nico's moodiness with humor, wittiness, groundedness, and patience. Nico affectionately calls Will a "dork" because Will usually keeps things light. Interestingly enough, he's able to be lighthearted without coming across as insensitive or an airheaded goofball, the latter of which is something Nico dislikes about Percy's personality. On a related sidenote, another way writers make Will OOC is they make him too dumb or too immature. I know I mentioned to focus on Will's soft side, but be careful to avoid that too. He's a SENSIBLE, lanky cat.

The way Will keeps his composure during a stressful situation by using laughter while still being mature is expressed well in this exchange with Apollo. (Yes, Will has a lot to manage.)

It was difficult to think of this young man as my son. He was so poised, so unassuming, so free of acne. He also didn’t appear to be awestruck in my presence. In fact, the corner of his mouth had started twitching.

“Are—are you amused?” I demanded.

Will shrugged. “Well, it’s either find this funny or freak out. My dad, the god Apollo, is a fifteen-year-old—”

“Sixteen,” I corrected. “Let’s go with sixteen.”

“A sixteen-year-old mortal, lying in a cot in my cabin, and with all my healing arts—which I got from you—I still can’t figure out how to fix you.”

“There is no fixing this,” I said miserably. “I am cast out of Olympus. My fate is tied to a girl named Meg. It could not be worse!”

Will laughed, which I thought took a great deal of gall. “Meg seems cool. She’s already poked Connor Stoll in the eyes and kicked Sherman Yang in the crotch.”

The fiercer side of Will's personality comes out only when the situation calls for it; this happens sometimes when he has to be a caring family member, a responsible healer, or a warrior in a dire situation. Even when he gets more forceful, he doesn't get more forceful than he has to.

Since Will has such a balanced and lighthearted personality, what are his flaws? What are the dark sides of his personality? There are four main things that stick out.

1. He's insecure about his self-perceived lack of abilities.

"I agree," Will said. "I wish I was a better archer … I wouldn’t mind shooting my Roman relative off his high horse. Actually, I wish I could use any of my father’s gifts to stop this war." He looked down at his own hands with distaste. "Unfortunately, I’m just a healer."

2. He sometimes struggles to endure the heavy responsibilities he has as a healer and as a protector to his family.

“I got it reattached,” Will told me, his voice shaky with exhaustion. His scrubs were speckled with blood. “I need somebody to keep him stable.”

I pointed to the woods. “But—”

“I know!” Will snapped. “Don’t you think I want to be out there searching too? We’re shorthanded for healers. There’s some salve and nectar in that pack. Go!”

I was stunned by his tone. I realized he was just as concerned about Kayla and Austin as I was. The only difference: Will knew his duty. He had to heal the injured first. And he needed my help.

3. He forces himself to bottle his emotions to keep his composure.

Will laughed under his breath. “I’m terrified. But one thing you learn as head counselor: you have to keep it together for everyone else. Let’s get you on your feet."

Here's a second example.

I rested my hand on Will’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. We’ll be back by dawn.”

His mouth trembled ever so slightly. “How can you be sure?”

4. He constantly worries about his loved ones.

Nico rested his hand on Will’s shoulder. “Apollo, we were worried. Will was especially.”

In conclusion, Will Solace's personality is difficult to get correct. But don't worry, if you write Will as a laidback, witty cat in your fanfics, I guarantee he'll be more in-character than many other fanfics with Will Solace.

(Note: I am only human. If you believe I'm misinterpreting some aspects of Will's personality, feel free to express it. What I say isn't 100 percent the right interpretation.)

#pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #will solace #nico di angelo #solangelo #percy jackson #heroes of olympus #trials of apollo #spoilers #meta #character analysis #fanfic #fanfiction #blood of olympus #hidden oracle #long post #toa #hoo #apollo

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browniefox · 2 years

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“Rei is being annoying he has the easiest time out of all of them” okay so if you found out that everyone you loved was dead and you were surrounded by things that your instincts screamed at you were dangerous and you didn’t know if you’d ever see your home again, you would be totally okay and not mad and never lash out or be moody?

Rei is a kid. He may be considered an adult in Hisui, but the part of the brain that controls logical thinking and impulse control isn’t done developing until late twenties early thirties. So he’s going to snap. He’s going to get frustrated, and upset. You know why teenagers are seen as full of additude and bratty? Yeah that’s because they literally process things differently than adults?

You’re doing a great job writing Rei. His reactions to his situation are perfectly reasonable and that Anon complaining about it rubbed me the wrong way. Kids Aren’t Logical. Humans aren’t logical. Especially not when they’re in traumatic situations. And I think being yanked 200 years in the future would be very traumatic. Even the people who make all their decisions based on their logical process, they’re still prone to bias.

And Rei is 15. The teenage years are when hormones and mood are the most wild and uncontrollable???

First, I would like to say that I really hope people don't argue too much over Rei! It's okay to have different opinions!

But also like, yes, exactly, people react differently to stressful and traumatic situations! And like, who knows, somebody might just call him out on it eventually! But like, he's only been in Sinnoh for a few days, he's still kind of getting a feel for the place, for the rules, for what to expect. To me, Rei sees himself often as not being good enough, and he has this kind of irrational fear right now that if he doesn't seem good enough or devoted enough or adult enough, these people aren't going to help him, and they talked about pokemon he'd never even heard of in distant regions he has no way to get to on his own, and it's scary!

And, well, Dawn lied to him about who she was. Maybe the futre is full of liars.

#browniefox speaks #ask #asks #anon #detours #rei #none of this probably is coherent #i just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about rei #the detours essentials

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apparently-i-am-an-adult · 4 years

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Listen up, guys, becuase I’m about to hit you with Harry Potter feels.

One of the main character analyses that I’ve seen about Harry is that he doesn’t trust adults, specifically because of his upbringing with the Dursley’s, and a lot of his experiences at Hogwarts have cemented his beliefs that adults are incompetent and/or untrustworthy. And I read these and was like, “sounds legit.” It’s been a while since I’ve read the books, but I remember the events well enough to agree with those analyses.

I’m now rereading the Goblet of Fire, and realizing exactly how accurate they are.

Let’s start with right when the students find out about the tournament. There will be three champions, one from each school. There is an age limit. There is an age line was set by Dumbledore and cannot be tricked. Harry sees this is true when Fred and George’s attempt fails.

But then Harry gets chosen. And all of those rules don’t mean anything, becuase someone was able to get around them, to get around /Dumbledore/, and now Harry has no choice except to compete in this tournament. All of the safeguards were put in place, and they still didn’t protect him. Even worse, he can’t ask any of the adults for help with these dangerous tasks that may kill him. You know, things a fourteen year old should have to deal with.

First task actually goes okay, becuase he gets help from Hagrid, Moody, and his friends, and he has all the information, and he’s putting himself and only himself at risk. That’s fine, Harry can focus on what he has to do. He’s a good flier and he knows it, he can get the egg with what he’s got. Minimal assistance required.

Then we get to the second task. This is where everything goes downhill, trust-wise. First off, Harry is super stressed, which is kind of his own fault, for not starting on the egg earlier, but he has absolutely no idea how he’s going to breathe underwater for an hour. Which is kind of important to figure out, becuase he doesn’t want to die. He falls asleep due to exhaustion, and is woken up ten minutes before the task starts to Dobby telling him that he has to go, his best friend has been taken by merpeople, and hey, here’s something to make you breathe underwater.

I remember seeing a post on tumblr saying that Harry treats every potential treat as if it’s actually happening; he assumes the worst case scenario is true. This is what Harry knows: Rom has been taken by merpeople, and the song in the egg literally says that if he doesn’t save him within the hour, he’ll be gone for good. Harry takes this for the literal truth, which is essential to understanding his actions in the rest of the chapter. To the reader, this might seem irrational. We know that the teachers won’t let anything happen to Ron, so we think Harry’s overreacting.

Harry finds the hostages. It’s not just Ron. It’s Hermione, his friend. It’s Cho, who he likes. It’s Fleur’s sister, who isn’t more than eight years old. He is the only one there. The merpeople won’t help. The adults won’t do anything. The other champions aren’t there. He has no idea when they’re going to show up. The hostages are unconscious and somehow spelled to breathe underwater, but he has absolutely no idea how long that’s going to last. For all he knows, anyone who isn’t saved is going to be left behind to drown.

Cedric shows up, saves Cho. One down. Krum comes and cuts Hermione free. She’s safe. There is no sign of Fleur. No one is going to help him, no one will come to save Fleur’s sister. Harry is the only one there and he doesn’t want her to die, so he scares the merpeople off and grabs them both.

Afterwards, Ron scolds Harry for taking the song seriously. “Dumbledore wouldnt have let any of us drown!...I hope you didn’t waste time down there acting the hero!”

Harry feels stupid after Ron says this.

“Now that he was out of the water, it seemed perfectly clear that Dumbledore’s safety precautions wouldn’t have permitted the death of a hostage just becuase their champion hadn’t turned up. Why hadn’t he just grabbed Ron and gone?”

Harry only has this realization after he’s completed the task and everyone is safe. Of course the teachers wouldn’t let anyone die. It was irrational to think that the hostages were in any real danger in the first place. However, we’ve already established that Harry wasn’t thinking rationally in the first place, and that Dumbledore’s safeguards have been proven to be ineffective before. Otherwise Harry wouldn’t be competing at all.

In addition, Harry wasn’t “acting the hero” in the way Ron said he was. Ron knew his role in the task and that he’d be fine - Harry didn’t. He wasn’t trying to be heroic, he wasn’t being competitive. (It’s only after Ron points out that they wouldn’t have drowned that Harry starts to wish that he’d just saved Ron and left, he might have finished first that way.)

Harry was acting purely out of a desire to survive and to protect other people, armed with the knowledge that the adults involved in the situation could not be relied on to help. Based on what he knew, he acted accordingly.

TL:DR - Harry Potter does not trust adults at all and the Triwaizard tournament (and the second task in particular) was a clusterfuck of events that dropped his level of trust in the adults around him to almost zero.

#harry potter #harry potter and the goblet of fire #hp and the goblet of fire #goblet of fire #triwizard cup #triwizard champions #triwizard tournament #albus dumbledore #ron weasley #hemione granger #fleur delacour #viktor krum #mad eye moody

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my-arlington-academia · 4 years

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How would the main 10 react if scholar gets jealous ?

Alright 😂 let's make the MC jealous! I hope I'll be able to deliver what you had in mind and thank you for the request as always 💕💖

(On a side-note: when you guys don't specify Scholar's gender, I always write in "you/your" by default so don't hesitate to tell me what pronouns you'd like me to use! I know that some people can find it weird, reading headcanons that directly put them into MC's shoes, but if it doesn't bother you then carry on as always 👌)

Alistair

- immediately notices that you become a bit cold when that "friend" from the athletics department is around

- is it... jealousy?

- Alistair considers that possibility right away, maybe because deep down he kinda wants it to be true? A little bit?

- pulls you aside and asks you what's wrong

- "Y/N... when Sam is around you always act a bit weird. Is something wrong? Does he make you uncomfortable? Maybe I can help you guys talk it out!"

- you shamefully admit that it's not it, from there on, the way you avert your eyes and that obvious blush on your face makes Alistair sure of it

- "Haha... You're jealous, right? You of all people..."

- he's grinning, this is making him way happier than he thought it would and it pisses you off a little bit

- "Hey! What the hell?? D-Don't be so happy about that kind of stuff! It's not funny!"

- despite what you're saying, he can't wipe that smile off his face, instead he hugs you tightly to compensate

- "Sorry... pffthahaha... sorry. Yeah, you're right it's not funny. It's just really really cute."

Axel

- it's actually really easy to make Axel jealous and he always gets annoyed at that part of himself

- so when you're the one being jealous for once? Oh boy is he happy...

- You already knew about the difficulties that can arise from dating Axel so you're usually hard to break

- But this one time there was a girl who was being especially clingy and friendly

- Axel noticed the shift in your behaviour right away

- he's smirking while questioning you

- you decide to be honest and ignore how happy Axel is with this whole situation

- "I uh. I guess I was a little bit... ᴊᴇᴀʟᴏᴜs."

- Axel comes closer to you and acts like he didn't hear what you said

- "Huh? What was that? Sorry you're just so quiet I didn't catch that."

- you remember all the times he was the one being jealous but everytime you brushed him off and told him that he was "just being silly"

- now that you're on the other end, it's kind of ironic

- you know fully well that he did hear you, but feeling pressured you say it again

- "J-Jealous. I was jealous."

- when Axel notices how red you are and your eyes full of tears, he ends the joke and hugs you

- "Geez come on, don't make that face sweetheart..."

Claire

- okay now that's a funny one

- she does catch on the fact that you're acting different but she tries to approach you in a really polite way

- "So um. You know uh... I'm really sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions and it might be really preposterous of me to think of it that way but... Could it be that you're jealous?"

- she's so nervous, as if she's asking something really rude

- you admit it quite easily, there's no reason for you to hide that from Claire

- she's always so caring and understanding about everything

- "Oh! I see! So it really was jealousy... Well in any case please don't worry! I mean I would never, ever cheat on you I swear!! I assure you that it's just your mind playing tricks on you!"

- Even though she doesn't want to admit it, it's clear that she's a little bit happy about the fact that you were jealous

- but still worried about you because jealousy is really not a pleasant feeling

Ellie

- sees that you suddenly become really quiet once that person comes to greet her and have a small chat

- Ellie is friendly with a lot of people and a chatterbox so she easily becomes close with others

- hell, she's the most popular person in her department, if that's not an achievement then you don't know what is

- she tries to talk to you about it but you clumsily dodge her questions

- "Hmmm... Y/N you're acting reaaaaally suspicious right now, you know that?"

- tickles you into submission

- "HHAHAHA O-okayhahahaha Okay!! Okay... Alright, yeah, I was jealous. So what?"

- hugs you and kisses you on your cheek

- "So nothing at all! You're really a worrywart! There's no way I would give up on you silly!"

- from then on, when that person approaches you guys she holds your hand and acts all lovey-dovey in public

- now everyone knows that you guys are dating... but hey! At least no more reason to be jealous!

Karolina

- here we have miss master heartbreaker

- which is funny because she's also the kind of person who gets easily jealous for the smallest things

- someone sits too close to you in class? Back off!

- someone's giving you the soft eyes™? Get lost!

- the joy she feels when you're finally the one to be jealous cannot be described

- she decides to play a bit with you, even if it's a cruel way to do it, she really wants you to be the one to assert dominance for once

- you catch on her little game but break eventually

- the way you shoved that guy aside made him fear for his life

- "Karolina, what you did just now? That was really childish and unfair."

- she playfully rolls her eyes

- "Oh please. You mean how you always do it to me? Or is it not "childish and unfair" when you're the one to do it?"

- welp. She has a point

- but in the end she's fully satisfied with your little outburst of jealousy

- you guys carry on as always: half fighting and half flirting

Neha

- it takes Neha about a day to figure it out

- of course she's emotionally intelligent but she thought that maybe you were going through some personal stuff you didn't want to share yet

- Neha is really respectful about that kind of stuff, she won't pry unless she absolutely has to

- not to mention that you're sulking in a really subtle way, had she not known you for a long time, she wouldn't catch that at all

- figures out that it has something to do with that girl from the fashion department she's been hanging out a lot with (for purely work related purposes)

- "Y/N, there's something you want to tell me, isn't there?"

- she really catches you off-guard

- you decide that there's no use hiding that from her and tell her you understand how illogical your jealousy is but you can't help it

- as you explain your feelings to her, a small smile appears on her face

- "Wait... Neha, are you happy that I'm jealous?!"

- "W-what?! No!!! ...Well okay, maybe just a little bit..."

Raquel

- gets that there's something going on with you but not exactly what

- it does cross her mind that you might be jealous but she writes it off as "wishful thinking"

- Raquel is pretty popular in general and despite that you have never been jealous

- it seemed unlikely that now, all of a sudden you would start feeling jealous

- But since you're being so moody lately, Raquel gets really concerned, it's not like you're always super cheerful or anything but you've never been this... annoyed?

- "Y/N listen, are you like... jelly or something? I mean it's probably not it but you've been acting kinda weird recently."

- But she hit the nail on the head

- Raquel looks at you in disbelief

- "No way... seriously?? You're jealous?? Oh my God..."

- She practically jumps on you to hug you

- "Woah! Easy there... Well in any case, glad to see that my jealousy makes you sooooo happy."

- she tightens her arms around you even more

- "Awww... come on! Don't be so bitter Y/N, you know that you're the only one for me!"

- says it dramatically but she really means it

Tadashi

- this is the dense brick, a stonewall

- the funny thing is that he can be really perceptive when it comes to other people but when it's for himself?

- he has no clue what's wrong with you

- thinks that maybe it'll go away soon enough and he just tries to be there for you

- you're the one to question him

- "So, haven't you figured out why I've been acting like this? Doesn't it bother you or could it be that you didn't even notice?"

- blinks at you a couple of times before answering

- "You mean how sometimes you randomly become irritable? I don't know, is there something stressing you out? If there is I would be happy to help you."

- you facepalm yourself mentally, seems like you'll have to say it clearly rather than making him guess, if you ask him to guess he'll be like "What do you mean? What's the point of doing that? Just tell me."

- "Tadashi it's just that, well... lately I've been feeling kind of... jealous. You spend a lot of time with Veronica and it just... it makes me upset even though I shouldn't be."

- Tadashi stays silent for a couple of seconds and you can see his cheeks switching from it's usual shade to a deep red

- "...Oh? Jealous hm... I see, okay. Well, I'm not sure how to make you feel better since it is an irrational feeling but... I-I would never abandon you. Maybe it's not the right word to use but... I mean it! You matter to me a lot. More than you think."

Tegan

- Tegan has a big brain but he has such a low self-esteem that he didn't even consider your behaviour to be a simple case of jealousy

- tries to brush it off and instead keep your mind away from... whatever is bothering you

- you really want him to catch the hint so you try making your behaviour even more obvious

- thankfully he ends up taking it as a possibility at least

- "Y/N? Do you not... like it when I spend time with Daniel?"

- he's still so unsure that he doesn't even dare to use the word "jealousy", you end up confirming it for him

- "That's right. I wish you would spend that time with me instead of him... I mean of course I'm not telling you to not hang out with the people you get along with but uh... ughhhh... sorry, I'm not making any sense today. Forget I said anything..."

- Tegan shyly grabs your hands, trying to be as reassuring as he can

- "Please, don't worry about stuff like that... I would never think about uh... getting with someone else other than you. I mean, I honestly still can't believe that we're together. It's like I'm living in another reality or something..."

Tyler

- he has seen his fair share amount of drama in movies, he knows what's going on and he loves it

- is super giddy at the idea of you wanting to keep him only for yourself

- he's so smug that it makes you angrier... but you can't stay mad for long with him, he's too witty and adorable

- when you try to be cold with him he either keeps poking your cheeks with his fingers, tries tickling you, hugging you from behind or doing all of those in this specific order

- "Come ooonnn... just be honest with me, you're jealous, aren't you?"

- he's so close to your ear, he's almost whispering

- "Ugh. Fine. Yes. So what are you gonna do about it?"

- you can't even see his expression since you're facing away from him, but you can somehow tell that he definitely has a smirk on his face

- Tyler turns you around to face him and kisses you

- "You're waaaay cuter than any of those people, even though I'm not even sure who you're jealous of since you're being so secretive about it... Maybe if you spill the beans I'll kiss you again? Sounds like a pretty good deal, doesn't it??"

#sweet elite #se #main 10 #requests #asks #it's so long again 😅#headcanons

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lixiefe · 4 years

Text

Can’t Touch - k.sm

Chapter Fourteen: Enough

Words: 2k

Disclaimer: ocd people (or anyone with something in general) actually make more out of a situation than normal people would and react strongly. For example: if they hurt someone unintentionally or intentionally, no matter how trivial that is, it will eat them up. And they’d stress over it for the longest time.

Warning: angst (?)

~.~

You didn’t know what the reason was behind your husband’s uncanny behavior. Everything seemed fine since the start. Your greetings were filled with sweet talks and fluttering eyes, yet, your husband seemed to have a total switch in the span of six hours. You were drowning in apprehension, in a constant worry. Did I do something wrong? Did he not want to see me?

Your lift ride to his house was nothing but sheer silence. Silence that stretched too long until the both of you were eating on the table. Even the food seemed to depict Seungmin’s rather angry demeanor and unbearable silence. Even though he was the demure type, this was pretty unnatural.

“Did I uh..” you began courageously, fiddling with your fork. You looked towards your moody husband, who hadn’t paid you any heed as he continued to focus on his unfinished platter. “Do something wrong?”

Your husband paused, gently keeping the fork down. You saw him lift up his head with an apologetic look. He stayed quiet for a few moments, staring into your doubtful eyes. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” Seungmin replied, placidly. Your eyes widened at his sudden apology and you rapidly shook you head.

“No, no. That’s not what I meant,” you reasoned. Seungmin looked at you in confusion, hands returning back to his fork as he looked down. You didn’t know why he avoided your gaze but you paid it no mind.

But in reality, Seungmin felt so stupid. The latching feeling in his chest was persistent and he knew it was irrational. Yet he couldn’t seem to avoid it, he couldn’t help but feel envious of his long-time friend. And he felt like you weren’t happy with him. You deserved so much better, and he was not your worldly prince charming. Surely, you weren’t in to be jumbled into an arranged relation, much less fall in love with your husband.

“Then what did you mean?”

You were startled at his rather harsh tone. He had always spoken to you with such tenderness, that it unexpectedly hurt you when he transited a punitive intonation. You ignored the little ache you felt in your heart as you tried formulating an answer.

“I mean, umm, you’ve been a bit different. Since, uh, we came back.” That came out as more of a question than a statement. You knew you seemed dubious of yourself. However, you were highly disappointed when your husband swiftly ignored your words. He continued to eat his supper as if he had heard nothing at all.

Undoubtedly, it hurt you. Much more than you anticipated.

You quietly resumed eating with the aching feeling in your chest. Unknowingly, your lips turned down and eyes fell back. You didn’t like the feeling at all, but you had no intention of asking your husband anything further. You felt like it would only sadden you.

You’d left your husband to wash the dishes, with guilt, forcing yourself to believe that he preferred it. However, you stood there in the living room, motionless and deep into thoughts. You didn’t know what, or who, you were waiting for. But you had no control as your feet remained glued to the tiled floor, heart wavering in anticipation of what you did not know.

Your ears perked up as soon as you heard the faint footsteps of your husband; and you looked up, only to see the said man staring at you with hard eyes. You felt intimidated under his gaze, suddenly coming to the realization that you stood here for nothing. You shuffled your feet, trying to find the route to your room which had left your mind long ago.

“You must not be happy with something like this.” Your husband uttered. You paused in your actions, a frown covering your face as you looked up at him. He looked like a guilty prisoner, face struck with remorse of something you didn’t know. A million questions flooded your brain and you desperately tried to look for a reason, anything, for his sudden assumption.

“What?” you whispered, but that remained unnoticed, yet again.

“I mean, it’s arranged. I understand.” He said, sullen yet his tone was coarse. Your mouth hung open. You couldn’t recall any moment that’d have given him the impression that you’re unhappy- because this is arranged. If anything, you talked with him like a lovesick teenager. Was he that dense, that oblivious, of your growing feeling?

“Just to remind you, I’m no one for you. You’re free to your wishes,” he hesitated, licking his lips in the meantime. “You have freedom for anything. Have a love-life, roam around. If you’d think I cared, I don’t.”

A lie. A whole painful lie.

His statement was not vague, yet so indicative of things that not once crossed your mind. And you repeatedly thought to yourself, what initiated this? You wondered what he took for your wishes, or the anything you wanted to do. Your love-life? Sure, you didn’t tell him that none of your firsts were fulfilled, you were intact to the point that it was embarrassing. But why would he think that you’d want to have extra-marital relationship with someone, that too, giving you full freedom for that. Did he think you’d cheat? That you’d get so fed up with your needs that you’d seek others?

He said he didn’t care.

You had your dignity, self-pride and principals. You didn’t have many boyfriends, or fictional lover-boys when you wanted but you weren’t one to cheat when you were married. His every word seemed like a knife to your conscience, a dagger to your heart. All you wanted to do was point your finger to chest and tell him he was so so wrong, and that he was a jerk for not acknowledging your feelings. But you didn’t. You only looked at him in disbelief drawn all over your face.

He said he didn’t care, why should you?

“Neither of us wanted this. You were forced into this anyways--”

“Enough, Kim Seungmin.” You said, stern. You didn’t realize that your voice was quavering, you didn’t realize that you were shaking. Your hands formed a tight fist and you felt your energy leaving you all at once. You were wordless, mind blank with only his daring words circulating around.

With the limited energy you had, you ran away. You couldn’t hear any more, you were petrified. Your hands shook as you slammed the door with a loud after-noise, hands tightly wrapped around the knob as you shut your eyes. You took heavy breaths to calm your raging heart that screamed at you to throw a fit on your husband. You were fuming, yet your heart ached with an unknown pain.

And a lone tear left your eyes.

Back in the silence of the living quarters, Seungmin stood with remorse engulfing his heart. His let out a small shriek of frustration, fisting his hair in his hands. The only thing in his mind was you, and the possibilities that you’d gotten enraged, that you’d went farther away. He didn’t know what irked him to say stuff he did not mean. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t his conscious mind that spoke, it was his envy; his insecurities.

They say nothing is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. And that’s exactly what he was doing. He was weak, who couldn’t fight against both his irrational emotions and neurotic fears.

And he knew, he fucked up.

---

He didn’t know if it was your innocent smile that stretched farther to your eyes. Or your crinkling crescent eyes, that sparkled in the fluorescent yet illuminating moonlight – and constantly changed colors, wondrously. Or your effervescent charms that lured him into a bottomless pit. Or if it was your every little thing, that sought to be the cynosure in his naked eye.

He didn’t know exactly what entranced him but he was so infinitely intoxicated, with you. Wordlessly, he was captivated into an inebriate daze, which tempted his very mind with your luscious lips and his dire desire to engulf them in his mundane ones- and pull you into a passionate kiss. One that illuminated all his senses, with the underlying love and infatuation he harbored.

Yet, that wasn’t enough. It was never enough, because, he never knew if his reveries were realistic. There was no predetermined presentiment that could ensure that- his fantasies were however, not impractical. That his unsaid desires were not quixotic.

And he was proved wrong.

Because you were his salvation and he could do anything, and everything, for you. That included conquering his terminal fears. And if it was for you, clouds and skies, he was more than ready.

And again, he found himself creepily staring at your beauty in the middle of the night, with his unheard apologies. He was too much of a coward, to be talking to you in your sound sleep. Even though his apologies, his guilt and self-loathe remained unheard by you, he wished you’d listen to his sincere heart; wished you’d look past his mistakes, inside himself. But that was so selfish of him.

He sat there, admiring your unconscious state. You still had a small crinkle in the middle of your forehead. Seungmin thought to himself; was it because of him? Was it because of the hurt he caused you? Of course it was, you were upset and it was even visible to blind eye.

The overpowering urge to kiss you seemed to grow ten-folds, expanding by mere seconds. Seungmin’s eyes cast down, a struggling frown covering his face. He contemplated with himself whether he should just try; try to touch you, try to calm this stubborn desire. But that was hard.

If he decided on his heart, he could find himself trying to scruff traces of you, when all he wanted was to engulf himself in your scent. It was a confrontation between his heart and his mind. And he didn’t know which to follow. Because both came with an advantage and a fatality.

Choose your heart.

Yet, just moments ago he was willing to do anything for you. So why not? Why not test out just how ‘ready’ he was?

And with that thought in his mind, for the first time, he was voluntarily leaning in towards you. He didn’t care about that damn disorder anymore. He didn’t care what side-effects it brought. And he didn’t care about the boundaries it set for him. Right now, all he wanted was you.

You who stole his heart.

He pressed his lips against your forehead, closing his eyes in relish. One of his hands held your cheek, touch feathery. He stilled there for a few moments. It was a kiss of longing; the longing that will only build up more. He didn’t know when again he could gain courage to kiss you like this. And now that he’d tasted the pleasure of such a measly act of affection, he wanted more.

He pulled away after giving a chaste kiss on your forehead, releasing with a smooching sound. He kept his hands on your cheek, face still close as a satisfied smile crept up his lips. His eyes grazed over your face again, as if memorizing every details he could see; drinking in the sight of your effortless beauty in the glowing moonlight.

He leaned away as his hands slid away from your face, already reminiscing the velvety texture of your skin. He heaved a contented breathe, one of his hands lifting up to touch his own lips. The ones that came in contact with you. And he smile broadened.

He wanted to go back to admiring you, ravished by his own feelings. But it was his time to return to the parameters of his room. Except this time, he would close his eyes with a smile on his face, and sleep with the satisfaction of his achievement. Heart thumping and cheeks warming up with a buoyant tingle spreading across his chest.

“I’m sorry, my love.”

And it was in that night that he realized, he was so irrevocably in love with you. And it was more pleasant than anything he’s ever felt.

a/n: alright so i became poetic writing this. :’) the unveil tracks are killing me.

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ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes · 4 years

Text

Blue Eyes Part 7

Summary: After the Garrison is shot up, the youngest Shelby daughter finds a new home in London. She strips herself of her last name and tries to live a peaceful life far away from her brothers’ chaos in Birmingham. But fate leads her right back into it after she runs into Alfie Solomons.

Part 7: Tommy’s heart is ripped out.

The call came late at night. Ella thought she was still dreaming when she heard the words.

“Grace is dead.”

Her sister sounded just as stunned.

Funeral arrangements would be made in due time. She’d be notified when the time came.

Italians. A war was starting.

Ella looked out the open window of her bedroom. She hung up the phone on her sister and in a daze, went to close it. They weren’t safe anymore. Hell, if they had ever known what it meant to feel safe. Ella wondered if she, or any of her siblings, had truly been at peace before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday morning, Ella arrived in Warwickshire. Tommy didn’t even acknowledge her. But she knew it wasn’t because of how tense things were between them. It was shock. It was as if he wasn’t registering the world around him. His piercing eyes looked right through people as if they were ghosts.

He held Charlie through the entirety of the funeral. The boy cried but Tommy merely blankly stared ahead, tormented by silent demons.

Ella had lost before, they all had. But Tommy had suffered significantly. She remembered clearly when her brother lost Greta. He was still the Traveler boy with light in his eyes. He never left her bedside those last few days. When it happened, Ella wasn’t sure if her brother would ever be the same again. He clung to Polly, crying like Ella had never seen him cry before. Then he returned from the war. He stood behind as Arthur and John hugged her, Ada, and Polly. She saw his eyes on that train platform. The light had been snuffed out. From that point on, he would never again be the person she once knew. God never stopped taking from him. Carving out more and more of him, leaving behind all the emotions that drove the gangster.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ella followed him out of the church. The same church where he’d married Grace. It felt like yesterday that had happened. Now Tommy was storming off. He handed Charlie to Ada as he passed her. The toddler wailed and grabbed at the air for his father but he didn’t look back.

“Tommy!” Ella called.

“Leave him.” Her aunt said quietly and touched her shoulder. “He’s not right in the head, he needs some time.”

She didn’t listen and kept following him all the way to the stables. “I know you can hear me.” She continued talking to his back. “Stop and talk to me.”

Her brother didn’t stop. Neither did she.

~~~~~~~~~~~

At the stables, a groom was waiting with Tommy’s favorite horse already tacked up. He’d apparently planned his escape after the funeral. Tommy snatched the reins and mounted the horse in a fluid motion.

“Tom!” Ella watched him spur the horse off towards the pastures. She huffed and turned to the groom. “Get that gray ready for me.” She demanded.

The young man nodded, a little too familiar with Shelby moodiness.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Tommy had a head start on Ella, but she figured it wouldn’t be too hard to find him in the open fields. He wouldn’t travel too far from Arrow House, not without Charlie.

Eventually, she followed a billow of smoke that had begun to climb up to the gray clouds. She found her brother sat beside the fire, his knees pulled to his chest like a child pouting. “Go away.” He muttered. Although he wasn’t surprised she hadn’t let up and continued to follow him. She was never one to take 'no' as an answer.

Ella dismounted and allowed the horse to graze. “You obviously don’t know me very well if you think I’m going to leave you here to sulk alone.”

“Thought you hated me.” He poked at the fire with a stick, causing it to crackle and spew out sparks.

“I could never hate you, pral, I’m just…” She sighed and sat next to her brother. “I think we’ve gotten too caught up in life. We’ve let our emotions rule us.”

Tommy didn’t move an inch. “Maybe.”

Ella stretched out her legs and reached down to take off her shoes and stockings. She reached in her pocket and pulled out a flask filled to the cap with gin. Perfect remedy for sadness. After taking a long sip, she handed it to her brother almost as a peace offering.

Tommy never passed up the opportunity to drink, especially in the state he was in. The siblings passed the flask back and forth a few times. Neither one spoke for quite some time. The simply kept the foggy afternoon at bay with the warm fire.

Ella couldn’t help but miss the memories she had with Tommy, just the two of them. The time he’d taught her how to fish, how to set a rabbit trap, how to gallop on a horse, and how to clean a gun without shooting yourself between the eyes. Although the information was valuable, she recalled how patient he was with her, even as a loud, wild girl who became disgruntled after failing the first time. She treasured the quiet moments they had together. The silence they held as they sat in the forest, listening for any sounds of animals. The peace between them while walking their horses through empty fields.

She sighed and lay back in the long, damp grass. The gin enveloping her in a false sense of calm.

“Do you remember when mum died?” Tommy held the flask, his fingers tapping dully against the metal surface.

She turned her head, her cheek kissed by the dewy grass. “No, not really. I think I remember Polly telling me but I dunno. Can’t even remember what she looked like.”

Tommy pursed his lips for a second before screwing the cap back on the flash and placing it to the side. He slipped off his cap and sighed. “Arthur told me. Sat me down to tell me she wasn’t gonna wake up. You, Ada, and Finn were so little. Even John was too young to understand. Dad wasn’t going to take care of us so Arthur and I made a pact. We said, no matter what, we’d take care of everyone. We’d make sure this world wouldn’t hurt you the way it hurt us.” He shook his head and lifted his eyes to watch the smoke curl up into the air. His blue eyes were full of tears but he didn’t let one spill. “What a shit job we’ve done, aye?”

Ella couldn’t help but laugh despite the sadness in her brother’s eyes. How silly it was that her brothers thought they could take on the entire world. Hold all their siblings up like Atlas holding the Earth. No wonder they were so protective and stressed all the time. “You think it’s easy taking care of four gypsy kids? I think you and Arthur’ve done the best you can. None of us are dead, s’pose that’s something. We ain’t homeless either.”

“Life isn’t about just staying alive. It’s about finding happiness.” He shut his eyes, letting the dull sunlight graze over his face. “I was happy with Grace. Thought I could make it last.” His jaw clenched. “You were right, El, I’m the curse.”

She chewed the inside of her cheek and propped herself up on her elbows. “That’s not true.” She scolded herself for saying something so daft even in the heat of the moment. “You’re the one who’s kept us together all these years.”

“El, I interrupted what made you happy.” Her brother opened his eyes and looked down at her. “Polly and Ada told me but I was too upset to see it. Alfie made you happy. Maybe I’ll never understand why or how but he does. Weren’t right for me to intrude.”

Ella’s heart seized up and she wanted to cry. “S’alright, Tom.” She sat up and rested a hand on his shoulder. “Doesn’t matter anyway. I think I’ve burned that fucking bridge beyond repair.”

“That’s what I thought when Grace left for America. But things have their ways of working out.”

“I wouldn’t count on it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oi, am I gonna hafta start taking fingers or are you lot going to get the lead outta your shoes and get to work?” Alfie shouted as he stormed through the bakery. The man’s threats were starting to become routine, almost like clockwork. But they weren’t empty threats, much to the dismay of his workers. Plenty of men had faced his wrath even for the littlest things.

Ollie was almost sure the activity would die down but he was starting to think there was no end. Despite being his assistant for so many years, that didn’t give him any sort of job security. Alfie was so hurt it drove him to be irrational. A man who handled heartbreak with anger was never one to be tempted.

So, the younger man treaded cautiously and chose his words with care.

“Sir, Tommy Shelby sent a telegram,” Ollie informed his boss. Any mention of the name Shelby was almost guaranteed to cause a violent reaction. One poor lad had mistakenly mentioned something about the Shelby’s horse at the derby. Alfie hit him so hard with his cane; it was as if he were trying to send him back to 1920.

Alfie grunted with displeasure and waved his assistant into his office. “Yeah? He did, did he? Trying to threaten me more?”

“No, sir, something about business with Russians and a robbery.” Ollie frowned as he double-checked the block letters on the slip of paper. Such a scenario sounded so convoluted but leave it to the Peaky Blinders to get involved with international heists. “He said he wants to speak to you over the phone or in person to discuss details.”

“Really?” He scoffed. “That man puts a gun to me fucking head and suddenly wants me to help him?”

Ollie shrugged. “I’m not sure, sir.” He set the telegram down in front of his boss to read himself. He couldn't answer any questions about the behavior of the Peaky Blinders.

Alfie put on his glasses and scanned over the words. He snorted and shook his head. “Those fucking animals. Fine, he wants to meet, so be it. Question is, should he trust me?” He looked up at his assistant as if looking for an answer.

“Sir?”

“Obviously not, Ollie, fucking hell, lad.” He snapped. “Those fucking gypsies made a mistake by lying to me. They want to trust me now, that’s their own fault. Don’t be daft.”

“What are you going to do then?” Ollie wasn’t sure double-crossing the Blinders was prudent. Alfie had done so before and it never worked out. But the man was hurt enough to be chomping at the bit for revenge.

“Can’t let them get the entire cut from the robbery, then can we?” Alfie tossed the telegram to the side and leaned back in his desk chair. “I’ve got some people who would be interested to know their plan. We can make easy money off of this.” He removed his glasses. At that moment, he wasn’t thinking about Ella. He was hell-bent on making her brothers, specifically Tommy, pay for threatening him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Look at the size of that fucker.” Ella whistled low as they approached the stag. The poor beast had fallen over, its big eyes glazing over with its last breath.

Arthur chuckled. “Ain’t half the size of the last one we hunted, eh, John boy?”

“That thing was fucking huge. Practically the size of a draft horse.” John agreed with a cigar dangling out of his mouth.

Ella rolled her eyes at her brother’s boasting. “Then you won’t have any problem hauling this thing back to camp, then.” She replied. “Won’t need my help at all.”

Tommy chuckled. It had been such a long time since anyone had heard him laugh. But he was in considerably better spirits after consulting with Bethany Boswell and getting rid of the sapphire necklace he’d given Grace. He was starting to heal. Unfortunately, that meant he was back to his plan involving the Russians.

After getting back to camp, it had started to drizzle. Ella wrapped herself up in a blanket as she watched with morbid curiosity while her brothers cut the stag. She chatted idly with Curly, Isaiah, and her Uncle Charlie by the horses. It was a good day, despite the gloomy weather. Ella enjoyed being out with her brothers in the forest doing something they all liked. Being far from London helped her forget about Alfie.

“El.” Tommy waved her over to the fire. “C’mon, having a chat.”

She excused herself and went to sit by Arthur. Her older brother smiled and wrapped an arm around her, squeezing her affectionately.

Tommy cleared his throat and pulled a letter out of the inside of his thick, black coat. “This letter, says dad’s dead.” He announced.

Ella frowned and reached for the letter. “How?” She opened the creased paper and Arthur read over her shoulder.

“He was in Boston, at some bar called the Mickey Free. Two men waiting in an alley, shot twice.” Tommy explained matter-of-factly.

“Who’s Rosie Rice? Some fucking whore?” Arthur muttered in a clipped tone. News of his father never failed to put him in a sour mood.

“She’s the woman that took the time to write to us.”

Ella wasn’t sure whether to be upset or not. She hardly knew her father at all. Just one brief memory of Arthur holding her as their father screamed. His voice like thunder, rattling the entire house. She had no clue what he was saying, but it was followed up with a loud smack and the sound of Tommy yelping in pain. It was a foggy memory but always made Ella sick to her stomach.

“She wanted us to know that while he was dying, he asked for our forgiveness. The only thing he taught us was how to kill and cut a stag.” Tommy continued to summarize the note. “Finn, John, Ella, you won’t remember.”

“I remember,” John looked hurt but kept up a strong act. “Cannock Chase. He got drunk and sang Silver Dagger ‘bout a hundred times.”

“One weekend,” Arthur grumbled and took the letter out of Ella’s hands, folding it back up and passing it to Tommy. He didn't want to read any more of it. “One weekend he was like that.”

“The stag is to remember him.” He nodded. “We eat and we forget, no need to forgive.”

Ella looked down at her hands and trembled from the chill in the air. What a fitting farewell. Another person in the family gone for good. She looked around the fire and for a second, wondered who was next.

~~~~~~~~~~~

When Tommy began talking about the robbery, Ella lagged behind. She passed from horse to horse, idly patting them and sneaking them bits of an apple she’d packed. But it was nearly impossible to tune out the conversation completely. Call it Shelby curiosity but she wanted to hear.

“The rest we take to America to invest in legally acquired property,” Tommy spoke about the direction of the Shelby Company. It was hopeful to hear he wanted to keep his promise to Grace and Linda. But Ella wasn’t sure whether it would ever be possible. Grudges weren’t easy to erase and the Peaky Blinders had made more than enough enemies.

The men returned to the fire to eat after confirming plans. Tommy kept Ella behind for a moment. “Need you to do something.” He said quietly and handed her a sealed envelope.

Ella didn’t take it right away. “What is that?” She asked suspiciously. Although she listened in on the plans, she wasn't keen to get involved in any of it. Her brothers could play their dangerous games, but she wouldn't. She liked to think she was smarter than that, or at least more conscious of the repercussions if things were to go wrong.

“A letter for Alfie Solomons.”

Her nose wrinkled. “Fuck off.” She pushed him away, refusing to even go near the note as if it were an open flame. “That’s what you brought me out here for?”

“Pena, listen.” He insisted in a low voice and rested a firm hand on her shoulder to keep her from running off. “Listen to me, I wouldn't be asking if I could go to someone else. You’ll be safe, I promise.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about, Thomas.” She snarled. “I think I can take care of myself. But I’m not going to speak to him after everything I’ve done. Doubt he would even agree to see me.”

“I need you to do this.” He repeated and pushed the letter towards her again. “We need his help for this job and you’re the only person he wouldn’t harm.”

She scoffed. Whether or not that was the real reason didn't matter to her. “And what the hell do you base that on? You were the one saying he'd try to kill me if I stayed in London” She reminded him with a glare.

Tommy sighed and nodded. “I just know he wouldn't. You’ll get a cut of the money. I promise.”

Ella snatched the envelope from him and stuffed it into her skirt pocket. It was a snap decision and she got a sinking feeling in her stomach the second that letter touched her fingers. She had no clear reason for agreeing. Maybe she wanted to prove she was over Alfie even if she wasn't. Maybe she wanted to prove to Alfie that he hadn't crushed her to bits when he abandoned her. Maybe she wanted to ask for forgiveness. No matter the reason, it was too late to turn back after she took the letter. “You’re foolish to think you’ll ever quit, Tommy.” She told him. “You like doing this too much to turn it into a legitimate company.”

“I promised Grace.” The gangster didn’t disagree with her. Maybe because he knew she was right but had to keep his vow to his late wife. He reached into his coat again. “Bring this with you.” He held out a brand new pistol covered by a handkerchief to hide it from view.

“No thanks, I’ve got my own that I prefer.” If Alfie Solomons wanted to think of her as just another Shelby, then that’s what she would be. Maybe she was stupid to think she could ever turn away from the family business. Some things you could never truly escape.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Pistol holstered at her thigh, letter in hand and heart covered with armor, Ella walked through Camden Town. She kept her chin high. London knew she was a Shelby now. There was no escaping that. Even her friends knew now and were treating her differently. Alone and behind closed doors, she could be hurt about it. But in public, she had to embrace her old identity. The London life she once had would never be returned to her.

Ella arrived at the bakery and pushed through the heavy double doors. Immediately, Ollie stopped her. “S’cuse me…”

“I’ve got a letter from Tommy Shelby.” She interrupted the man before he could even attempt to stop her. “To be hand-delivered to Alfie Solomons.”

Ollie was thrown off by her clipped manner. Before Alfie found out the truth, he’d mentioned Ella a few times. Said she was the nicest woman he’d met, with kind blue eyes and a smile that lit up the room. Instead, Ollie was met with icy eyes and a look that eerily mimicked Tommy’s silent neutrality. It was any wonder how Alfie didn’t recognize her as a Shelby. But love was blind.

“Right…I need to pat you down though.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “You’d frisk a lady then?” There was no way she was giving up her pistol. She usually didn’t like using her gender as an excuse to be treated differently, but sometimes it came in handy.

Ollie’s mouth opened but was gratefully interrupted by his boss. Alfie’s heavy boots shuffling towards the door.

“S’alright Ollie...” Tommy had called Alfie saying he was sending someone to deliver a message. But the Blinder didn’t mention who it was.

Now Alfie was stopped in his tracks, unhappy to see it was the Shelbys' sister. The two stared at each other for a moment. Neither sure what to do for a long moment.

Finally, Alfie broke the tension. “Well, come in then.” He said curtly and waved her down the hall into his office. “Don’t waste me time.”

Ella gritted her teeth, ready to face whatever hell Alfie was about to put her through. She fully expected it seeing as she’d scorned him. She passed by him and walked into the office.

He shut the door and went to sit down at his desk. “Have a seat,” He held a hand out to the chairs across from him.

“I’m not here for a chat, I’m just here to give you this.” She remained standing and held out the envelope to him.

“Right, suit yourself, just trying to be polite.” He muttered and leaned forward to take the letter from her hand. “That all then?”

Ella froze and pursed her lips. It felt as if her entire body was in excruciating pain but she refused to let it show. Her chest tightened, squeezing the air out of her lungs and constricting her heart. Her stomach knotted up and seized with every second that passed by. Her legs were weak, her mouth dry, her throat cramped, her head nothing but a flustered mess of overwhelming thoughts and emotions. It felt like she was trying to keep in a large ball of emotions, holding it in so it wouldn’t explode and lay waste to the world around her. But it was simply too much to handle.

“How was it so easy?” She blurted out.

Alfie raised an eyebrow, turning the envelope over and over in between his fingers. “What you on about?”

“How could you just…just walk away and pretend like you didn’t feel anything?” She demanded. Now that she had begun to speak she couldn’t stop. Aunt Pol said it was something in the Shelby genes. You couldn’t stop a Shelby once they started on something.

Alfie should’ve expected for an argument the second he saw who came into the bakery. It was only a matter of time. “You think I wanted this to happen?” He snapped. Gearing up for battle, ready to cover up his heart and come out with guns blazing. Men with emotions didn’t fare well in battle. He learned in the war that it was far easier to stuff down all emotions. Nothing to distract you while you were storming No-Man’s land. And this was a battle, anything with a Shelby was. “You think it were fucking easy to find out that Tommy was your brother?”

Ella kept her stance. Arms crossed over her chest and chin held high. She learned a few things from her brothers about war. Polly framed a picture of the three Shelby boys, clad in their British military uniform. Such a strange contrast to the wild boys Ella knew her brothers as. She’d asked her aunt why they didn’t look scared. Surely, war must’ve terrified them. Polly merely replied, ‘They can’t be scared if they want to stay alive’.

Never let your opponent see your true emotions. She really tried, but she didn’t want to see Alfie as her enemy. “I don’t understand. My family doesn’t change who I am. And I’m the woman you said you cared about. Then you just act like I’ve dropped off the face of the planet.” She argued, doing everything she could to stay firm. “My family shouldn’t change the way you feel about me.”

“What changed my view of you was how you lied to me.” Alfie stood up, allowing the letter to drop to his desk. He pointed at her with narrow eyes. “You chose not to tell me and chose to let me find out by your brother pointing a fucking gun to me head!”

“I didn’t tell you because I loved you too much!” She shouted.

The word hit the gangster like a brick to the face. He stood as stiff as a board, staring at her, finally at a loss for words. They had now entered dangerous territory. A true war of emotions and no one could escape unscathed.

Tears filled Ella’s eyes but she refused to look away from him. “Yeah, surprised? Did you think that Shelbys couldn’t fall in love? We’re too fucking evil to ever care for someone other than ourselves? Well, you’re wrong. Because I didn’t know what love was until I met you.” She told herself so many times that she didn’t want to cry in front of Alfie. Never wanted to give him the idea that he had finally gotten to her. But it was too difficult to hold the tears back. “Yes, I lied to you. I didn’t tell you about my family. I’m sorry. Alfie, I’m sorry that I chose not to tell you. But I just wanted to be with you, I didn’t want to involve my family or-or have this blow up into the mess it has. I just wanted to be with you.” A tear slipped down her cheek and she dropped her head. Defeated by her own silly feelings. She was just another daft girl who’d been stupid about love. “And you just turned away from me like I never mattered one bit.”

Alfie walked around his desk and stepped in front of her. He sighed heavily and rested a hand on her cheek; his thumb caught the tears and swept them away. He tilted her chin up to look at him. “Lost so much fucking sleep over those blue eyes.” He admitted. The anger in his voice faded away. The grudge he’d been holding fell to the floor between them. Seeing her in such a state was too much to handle. He hadn’t wanted to understand her reason for lying. He wanted to plug his ears and continue telling her she was a liar. But she seemed so genuine, so hurt by everything, and remorseful. She wasn’t his enemy. “Just wish you’d told me.”

“Then you never would’ve even looked at me again.” She replied. “I didn’t want you to see me as just a Shelby.”

“That’s…that’s not how I see you, love.” He kept his hand on her cheek, afraid that if he let go she would disappear. “But this won’t work out. Your brother would fucking cut me into pieces and chuck me in the cut, wouldn’t he? He and I don’t play nice.”

“He doesn’t have to know.” Ella was just desperate to hang on to the shred of chance she had left with him.

Alfie sighed. “That’s what got you into trouble last time, love.” He reminded her. “He’d figure out anyways, gypsy senses.”

She laughed quietly but it faded quickly. “Maybe he wouldn’t care anymore.” She curled her fingers around his shirt and pressed her forehead into his chest. “After Grace died he apologized for what he did. Said he just wants me to be happy.”

It was too tempting to withdraw from her. Alfie hadn’t realized how starving he was for the attention she’d given him. He slipped one hand around to rest on her back and one settled in her curls. His fingers weaving in between her dark hair. “Then the next day he’ll decide I’m a son of a bitch, right, for even going near you.”

“I don’t care.” Ella closed her eyes and picked up on his heartbeat. “Please, Alfie.”

She was testing his resolve. But he was already walking a fine line with the Blinders. Tommy was planning something big and wanted Alfie to have a part in it. It was most certainly a test. Could they trust him after everything that happened with Ella?

“Your brother’s enlisting my help.”

She nodded. “Russians.” Her head lifted to look at him.

“So I’ve heard.” He sighed and suddenly felt exhausted. “He gonna use me as Jewish bait or something?”

“It’s jewelry,” Ella said. “They’re guaranteeing him a reward. He needs you to appraise it all.”

Alfie raised an eyebrow. “That’s all? Seems a little too clean-cut for you lot.”

“Well…” She tilted her head to the side and glanced at the letter on his desk. She didn’t know what was in it but she assumed it laid out the plan so Alfie knew. “They’re going to rob it once he knows what’s inside and what the security’s like.”

“Fucking hell.” Alfie chuckled. “I thought they were just going to flat out rob the joint but they’re getting all cozy with them?”

Ella just shrugged. “I think he wants to trust you.” She said quietly and idly wrapped a finger around the gold necklace he was wearing, retrieving the Star of David charm from under his shirt.

Alfie watched her smooth her thumb over the gold surface. “Do you think he should?” He pressed his tongue into his cheek and thought about how many men would be willing to pay a decent fee for rare Russian jewelry. Men who wouldn’t care if it’d been stolen.

She nodded. “I trust you. And I hope that you’ll be able to trust me in time.”

Guilt sank deep in Alfie’s gut. “El…” He caught another tear that slipped down her cheek. He didn’t know what to say anymore. Rarely was he caught empty-handed in a conversation.

“I know it doesn’t seem like it could work ‘tween us, I know.” She chewed on her lip and looked up at him with those eyes that made his knees weak. “But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I-I just don’t feel complete anymore. You changed me.”

Alfie couldn’t even begin to explain the change she’d caused in him. “Love, you need to realize, right, that I ain’t the man you want to be with for the rest of your life. I’m the bad guy.” He forced a smile and tried to play it off like he didn’t care that he was the bad guy. But it didn’t work. He wanted to be better for her. It just didn’t seem feasible.

“Alfie Solomons, you’re speaking to a Shelby.” She reminded him. “I come from a long line of bad guys.” A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Far longer than yours, I’m sure. We’re not god-fearing.”

He snorted and tilted his head back a bit. “Fucking hell, you’re going to send me to an early grave.” The devious look on her face made his stomach flip-flop. He was fucked.

“Think about it, please.” Ella guided her eyes back to her. “I’ll ask Tommy, I’m sure he’ll be more understanding this time around.”

It was an enticing enough offer for him to nod in agreement. “But you’ll warn me if he’s out for blood? Like to be notified if he wants to rip me head off.”

“I’ll make sure you’re the first to know.” She left a small kiss on his cheek. The piece of her that felt empty was starting to fill back up again.

~~~~~~~~~~

Upon Tommy’s request, Ella returned to her flat in London after delivering the note to Alfie. She had a little skip in her step as she walked down her street. The first thing she did was call Tommy but received no reply. Figuring he was busy, she planned to call back later.

But when night started to fall, Ella’s phone rang and she was met with a panicked Ada on the other end.

“You need to come over here now.” Her older sister demanded before Ella could even get a word in.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Just come over!” She shouted and hung up the phone.

Startled, Ella quickly gathered her coat and ran down the street to Ada’s. The front door was left slightly ajar so she pushed her way in. She was met with a sight that sent her into the same panic Ada projected over the phone.

Tommy was slumped down on the stairs, covered in sweat, and slurring his words.

“Stay with him, I need to get an ambulance,” Ada shouted when she saw her sister come in.

“What’s going on? Tommy, what happened?” Ella ran over to the stairs. She knelt down and took off her brother’s cap.

“Just need a hospital.” He mumbled. “Me fucking head hurts.”

“What happened?” She urged again. “Who did this to you?” Tommy closed his eyes and didn’t answer. “Tommy!” She grabbed his hand. “Stay awake!”

Begrudgingly, he opened them again. “Can’t see.”

“What?”

“Can’t see anything.” His breathing went shallow. “Can’t see you, El.”

“I’m right here, Tom.” Ella began to cry. It was the worst state she’d seen him in. And she’d been there after Black Star day when he was shot. “Tommy, please don’t go anywhere. I need you.”

“Sh…” He hushed her. “Everything will be alright, pena.” He murmured to her in Shelta. Blindly, he reached a hand out to her. He found her shoulder and weakly pulled her close.

Sobbing, Ella pressed herself into his chest, clinging to him as if he would simply fade away. Then he said something that chilled her to the bone.

“I can see you dad. I know you’re there.”

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla @giftofdreams @biba3434

Tag list: @deaflikehawkeye @octaviareina @mylovelykelsifer

Masterpost

PB Masterlist

#alfie solomons #alfie solomonsxoc #alfie solomons x oc #alfie solomons imagine #peaky blinders #peaky blinder imagine #peaky fookin blinders #peaky blinders fanfiction #fanfiction #ofc #oc #shelby oc #shelby sister #tommy shelby #arthur shelby #john shelby #ada shelby #ada thorne #polly gray

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the-potter-analyst · 4 years

Text

Sorcerer’s Stone Summary

How’s it going lads, hope everyone’s doing well with the crazy pandemic happening. And guess who has time to get back to reading Harry Potter now that everything’s basically on lockdown owo

This book summary is way over due but better late then never lol

Harry: I will never stop thinking about how even though Harry grew up in an abusive environment, he still has so much innocence, hope, and humor in him. He lived such a lonely life, but instead of becoming bitter and lashing out on others he just,,, tried to keep to himself. And honed his sarcastic abilities as defense lol. Harry also has so much curiosity in that tiny body of his, which is interesting considering all that the Dursleys ever tried to teach him is to not ask questions. As soon as he meets someone who’s willing to give him answers, he can’t stop asking questions. He also formed a really strong sense of ethics. Like he gets angry at the Dursleys for being dishonest with him (and not hiding info from him interestingly) and he immediately knows that Draco isn’t someone to keep in his close circle from the way Draco treats others.

An important development in Harry’s character this book has been him finding a place to call home and dealing with high expectations others have of him. His greatest wish is to belong somewhere. Throughout his first year, Harry is worried about meeting everyone’s expectations of him so much that he gets anxiety over things from Quidditch to being able to stay at Hogwarts. He’s constantly worried about failing and losing his feeling of belonging.

On the moon representing Harry in astrology (on the night they went into the Forbidden Forest, both the moon and Mars were bright. Voldemort is Mars and Harry is the moon): The moon is about safety and security and is associated with the mother (Harry has his mother’s protection charm). When we are “acting out” our Moon, we are imaginative, creative, intuitive, sentimental, adaptable, introspective, and protective. On the negative side, we can be moody, restless, and irrational.

I’ll end this Harry section with the core qualities I identified in chp3: he’s caring, curious, sassy, very quick on his feet, has a strong sense of justice and ethics, and is one to take initiative (especially when his curiosity is piqued). And one more I didn’t note then: obsessive. I lied there’s another: distrustful of adults. WAIT ANOTHER: incredible inner strength.

Ron: Everything about Ron’s ambitions are the opposite of Harry lol. Harry has fame but wants to feel like he belongs whereas Ron has a home and loving family but wants to stand out. Classic grass is greener scenario. While Harry has everything Ron wants, Ron never puts it against Harry or gets jealous bc he knows that a) Harry never wanted it and hates the attention, and b) Harry doesn’t have everything. Like fame and money is cool in all, but Harry also doesn’t have loved ones and he’s lived a lonely and abusive life. Ron is also so excited to teach Harry about the wizarding world! He like takes him under his wing lol. Other qualities Ron has include being quick witted which can range from acting impulsively to being able to act under stress. So often times he won’t think before he acts, but it also allows him to be amazing at wizard’s chess. Ron’s also super loyal, he protects his friends and prioritizes their safety.

Hermione: There’s a lot of character growth for Hermione in this book! She’s one who has high expectations for herself and others, loves learning for for the sake of learning, and also love excelling. All of this can come across as being stuck up, a know-it-all, a teacher’s pet, etc, and this is why she clashes with Harry and Ron at the beginning. They’re both pretty lax and see the rules as bendable whereas Hermione is strict, meticulous, and sees the rules as absolute. But she’s more than that, because above all she prioritizes people, friendships, and a person’s well-being. Which is why Hermione lies to McGonagall about the troll. She’s letting Ron and Harry know that she isn’t actually all about the rules and looking perfect.

I think I wrongly attributed Hermione to be the glue in the trio. I’ve read a post saying that it’s Ron, but I want to hold off on that analysis for now.

Neville: There was also a lot of small moments of growth for Neville. He’s introduced as the kid who lost his toad, someone who’s forgetful, easily loses things, low self esteem, and struggles with magic. He believes he can’t live up to be a Gryffindor because of these faults, yet the Sorting Hat puts him there anyway. Reading the sorting ceremony as aspirational, while Neville may not think he has the potential reflect the best of Gryffindor’s qualities, deep down he really wants that. But he needed the reassurance from others to start seeing that. It goes to show how important it is to surround yourself in a positive environment, with people who uplift you. And all that accumulated to Neville being able to not only stand up to his bullies, but also to his friends.

The Sacred Texts podcast really made me think about how Neville is this metaphor of what could’ve been. But it’s more than just the possibility of him being the Boy Who Lived. The trio had an option to take Neville with them down the trap door, but they decide not to. And then their first trial was something Neville excels at: Herbology. It’ll be interesting to see if this comes up in future books.

Dumbledore: I started out these analyses with asking, when is Dumbledore’s commitment to trusting others a fault? That’s way too big of a question to answer now, but it made me think about the line between trusting that ppl will act a certain way and plain manipulating them based on their personalities. And I can’t figure out at the moment where Dumbledore lies. Because it’s one thing to like, trust that someone like Petunia would raise Harry but it’s another to give Harry the invisibility cloak so that he could run into the Mirror of Erised knowing he’d wonder around at night.

Hagrid: Hagrid has a lot of faults, but he’s such a loving and nurturing person! He’s really an important figure in Harry’s life. He encourages Harry to ask questions! Which is so important to teach a child. And when Harry is constantly surrounded by people who hide information from him, Hagrid is always one to be honest with him. Hagrid also provides a lot of emotional support for Harry. I just love their relationship. I’ve said that before and I will keep saying that.

Things to keep in mind while I continue reading:

“Seven years there and he won’t know himself”

The magical world is naturally accepting to everyone, it’s only the people who make it exclusive

Parvati is best girl, I need more of her

“Harry then did something that was both very brave and very stupid” -> best description of Harry James Potter

B2 Summary

#not really a book summary.... more like a character summary #hp #hp meta #hp analysis #the sorcerer's stone #sorcerer's stone meta #harry potter #ron weasley #hermione granger #neville longbottom #albus dumbledore #rubeus hagrid

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imaginedanganronpa · 5 years

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Hi! I only recently discovered your blog but I really love your imagines! I was wondering if you could write the V3 boys (+Souda and Fuyuhiko) with their fem S/O’s on their period? Thank you in advance :)

Hello and welcome!! And thank you very much! :) I hope you like it!

V3 Boys + Kazuichi Souda & Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu with Their Fem!S/O On Her Period!

Saihara Shuichi

You wake up with a long yawn and seeyour sleeping boyfriend’s peaceful face beside you, then quietly pull yourself out of bed while being careful to not wake him.

You must not have noticed the bloodstain on the bed because you didn’t feel any period cramps or notice the signs that it was your time of the month, so you start making breakfast for the two of you, blissfully unaware of your body’s internal clock.

When Saihara woke up to see that you were no longer beside him, and only a dark bloodstain was left where you slept, he jolted out of bed in a panic and started to storm through the house, desperately trying to locate you. His experience as a Detective clouded his judgement and automatically caused him to assume the worst.

He rushed by your side, into the kitchen, still half-dressed and not wearing a shirt. His face was flushed and sweat pooled on Saihara’s forehead as he pulled you into a relieved hug.

“Don’t scare me like that… I thought something happened to you!”Confused, you shook your head at him and he guides you back to the bedroom where you finally see the bloodstain and your eyes widen as you run towards the bathroom.

He could sense that something was wrong and knocked on the door, asking if everything was okay from the other side. Eventually, Saihara puts two and two together and then sits down at the kitchen table in ahuff.

“Oh, it’s just her period,” he says, thankful, and collapses. Whew.

From that point onward, Saihara did everything he could to make your week more tolerable and comfortable. He coddles you when your cramps start to become more prevalent and painful, holding you and rubbing your back to support you through them while softly whispering that everything was going to be okay.

He asks if you needed anything from the store, and even if you say no, he stocks up anyway. He buys your favorite brand of pads/tampons, anything he knew you usually craved, a heating pad, and pain relievers.

Saihara cooks for you and does all of the usual work around the house to alleviate your stress and movement. He does everything in his power to make this week a little bit less terrible. When you lay beside him, he rests his warm hand on your stomach and rubs small circles into your skin after placing a heating pad underneath you for your back-pain.

And even when you have mood-swings, he remains calm and doesn’t mind too much. Saihara knows that it’s nothing personal and will hold you when you’re irritable, shushing and humming as he tries to relax you.

When he has free-time, he cuddles up beside you and turns on one of your favorite movies to get your mind off of your period, and although he always treats you like royalty, he is even more sensitive and loving during this time of the month than any other time.

Ouma Kokichi

You’ve never really talked aboutyour period with Ouma because you weren’t sure if he would make fun of you ornot. You honestly wouldn’t put it past him, so you always keep that to yourself.

After all, you love him dearly but you know how childish your boyfriend can be. You hope that he would be a bit more mature than that, but…

It was an early Saturday afternoon and you were spending the day with Ouma, having a lazy weekend together. You must not have felt the oncoming cramps, or maybe you weren’t officially ‘starting’ your period so the pain had yet to come, but regardless you didn’t notice the small dots of blood on your shorts.

When you stand and Ouma sees the red spots, a smile twists on his face that he can’t contain. You glance at him and return the smile until he says, “Hey, (Y/N), you might wanna take care of that,” whilst pointing at your waist.

You follow the direction of his finger and your face changes into a horrific, pale expression. You shield yourself and rush towards the bathroom, becoming overwhelmed with emotions of embarrassment.

Ouma taps on the door and apologizes. Though he teased you at first, he gets serious and starts to become more protective over you, switching into his genuine parental, loving mode that not many people get to see.

While he does laugh at first, he starts to draw a hot bath and helps you get undressed, then sits on the side of the bath and helps clean you up down there. He holds your hand as you soak and let the hot water do its magic and alleviate some of your pain.

Ouma will do everything he can for you, but sometimes he runs his mouth which results in a one-sided argument. He knows that you’re moodier during your period but he doesn’t hold back when it comes to teasing and jokes, so you become frustrated with him easily and snap.

He just finds it amusing and only teases you ‘out of love.’ You know he loves you, though, because he’ll hold you when you’re in pain and try to rub where it hurts, as well as fetch any pain pills you may have in your cabinets.

To your pleasant surprise, Ouma is more considerate when you’re on your period than you thought he would be and does his best to help. He also likes having an excuse to kiss around your stomach and thighs, but you don’t mind.

And he tries making you laugh to bring a smile to your face since he knows how hard this week can be. Plus, he has so many questions so expect him to pester you with all kinds of strange remarks about your time of the month. You do your best to answer as he stares at you, wide-eyed.

He likes resting his hands on your lower abdomen, where the cramps are concentrated, and gently caress your skin. He’ll also surprise you by bringing home some of your favorite pleasure-foods and cravings.

If you ever ask Ouma to buy you pads/tampons, he’ll scoff at first but he eventually gives in. You think that he’s just trying to get on your nerves, and you knew he would end up doing whatever you say, because he loves you and he really does hate to see you in so much pain.

But he still brings up your accidental bleed-through almost every time you get your period afterwards…

Rantaro Amami

When your eyes fluttered open, youextended your arm to reach for your boyfriend, instead finding an empty bed. Once you werefully awake, you realized that Rantaro wasn’t beside you and you furrow yourbrows.

Suddenly, a wave of pain washes over your body and you pull your knees to yourchest due to the cramps, curling into a ball as you whimper and impatiently wait for the cramps to surpass.

Finally standing, you notice the small drops of blood on your pajama pants and groanwith frustration… it must be that time of the month again.

You hurriedly rush towards the bathroom but had to run past the kitchen to doso, where you saw your boyfriend cooking breakfast. Glancing over his shoulder,he smiles and waves you over. “Good-morning, love!”

But Rantaro could immediately tell that something was wrong and approached you cautiously. “Is everything okay hun?” He wedges his foot in the bathroom and peeks inside, and realizing that you had no other choice, you tell him everything.

“I got my period again…” You normally told Rantaro when you got your period because he always knew what to do. He nods with understanding and helps you change out ofthe bloody clothes and uses a warm washcloth to clean you up.

After he finishes breakfast, he asks what you needed and then promptly heads to the store where he stocks up on pads/tampons, your cravings, and everything your heart desired. After returning, he sets a heating pad on your stomach and a warm washcloth on your forehead.

Then, Rantaro takes his place in bed beside you and cuddles you gently. By now, he was a pro at this - he has twelve sisters after all, so he has plenty of experience with taking care of them during their times of the month and knows everything he should do.

He softly massages you and goes out of his way to care for you. He will rub anywhere that starts cramping and even knows the ‘hot water-bottle on your abdomen’ trick. He also makes sure to buy plenty of chocolate and sweets to satisfy your cravings and carries pads/tampons on him so that you always have them if you need it.

Rantaro was so used to periods by this point that it was no big deal and he never breaks a sweat, even when you’re acting irrational due to your hormones and mood-swings. After all twelve of his sister’s cycles synced up and he had to manage all of them being moody at the same time, he can handle anything.

He simply keeps a level-head and quietly listens to you whenever you were feeling angry or upset, being your shoulder to cry on.

But he will definitely wait on you hand and foot, and gives you plenty of cuddles and kisses to get you through the week. He is patient with you and is the best caretaker you could ask for.

Honestly, Rantaro is the best person to have around when you’re on your period. He even downloads a period app on his phone so he can track it and know when it’s coming, just to make sure that he has everything you needs when it arrives.

Kiibo

You weren’t really sure how totell Kiibo that you got your period. You didn’t technically have to tell him,but you bled through the night and when he saw you washing the bloody sheets hewould definitely have questions.

You were in the middle of doing laundry when your boyfriend walked into theroom and lovingly wrapped his arms around you. Of course he walked in as soonas you started stuffing the sheets into the washer, and you freeze in place.

It takes Kiibo a moment to notice the bloodstains and when he finally does, hejumps back and lets out a loud cry. “Ah! Holy… what happened?!” he exclaims, taken back by surprise. You whirl around and hold up your hands defensively, insisting that,“This isn’t what it looks like!”

He started berating you with questions and gave you little to no time to answer so you abruptly cut him off. “I got myperiod, Kiibo! That’s it!”

A bit embarrassed by your sudden outburst, you blush and lower your eyes to the ground while avoiding looking at him directly. His silence felt heavy as he took a step back and quickly apologized.

He started to rattle his brain since he’s never actually had to deal with this situation before and has absolutely no idea what to do. Kiibo hasn’t had any experience with women on their periods so he starts to panic.

“Uh… well, what do I do? Do I need to do anything? H-how can I help?” He offers you a sheepish grin in response.

Once he calms down, he’s very good with you. You tell him that it would be nice if he helped you out around the house so Kiibo does everything he can to assist you, though he is a bit rusty and ignorant since he’s never had to deal with this before. He has plenty of questions about your period and hopes he doesn’t come across as rude, just… curious.

He often starts to freak out when you’re on your period, especially when you get mood-swings. He always thinks he’s doing something wrong after you snap at him but he does his best, and he forgets that you’re a lot moodier during this time of the month. He always feels like he’s stepping on eggshells because he doesn’t want to upset you now.

And whenever you get emotional, he shuts down because he doesn’t know what to do… but trust me, he’s trying his damnedest.

Truthfully, Kiibo goes a bit overboard when you tell him what you need. He buys too many pads/tampons and comes home with a ridiculous amount of sweets and pain relievers, but he didn’t know how much girls needed! At least you wouldn’t run out for awhile, though.

He also uses his internal hard-drive to track your cycle, quickly adjusting to your period and gets the hang of it after a couple months.

Using his some of his functions, he turns himself into a heating pad and literally warms up to you to take away some of your pain, while Kiibo constantly asks you how you’re doing. He is a lot more careful with you when you’re on your period, treating you as if you are like fine China.

And Kiibo does a lot of Googling to try to learn more so that he can prepare next time, and be the best boyfriend he can be!

Kaito Momota

Kaito always manages to forget about yourtime of the month and still hasn’t gotten used to your cycle because you onlyrecently started dating.

Somehow, it always slips his mind. You didn’t know how he could possibly forget about it, but maybe he was just more blissfully oblivious since he isn’t the one who has to put up with it.

Regardless, you were feeling a bit moody and under the weather due to your fluctuating hormones. Now really wasn’t the time to bother you, and you unintentionally lash out at Kaito when he accidentally spooks you by coming around the corner too quickly.

He gets defensive and snaps, “Jeez, I wasn’t trying to scare ya, (Y/N)!” Then, your lip quivered as tears formed in your eyes. “I’m sorry… I just got my period and it’s my emotions…” you couldn’t finish your sentence before bursting into an emotional fit.

Kaito goes into a full-blown panic because he hates seeing you cry. “Uh… what am I supposed to do?!” He trulywanted to help but he looked like a bull in a China shop, storming around the house frantically trying to be of assistance.

He grabs every single pill bottle in your house and all of the sweets in your pantry which causes you to giggle. His arms were full as he drops them all on your bed and says, “Here! Take whatever you need!”

You also ask him if he’ll run to the store to buy you pads/tampons, but Kaito gets a bit defensive. “W-what? But… I’m a guy, and plus I don’t even know what to get!” He exclaims and you sigh, then tell him your favorite brand and write down exactly what he needs. He remains defensive and says that he didn’t want people to see him buying that, and you snap.

“They know it isn’t for you! And ladies love and appreciate when their partners buy them period products! Plus, if you’re embarrassed then imagine how I feel! It would mean a lot to me!”

Kaito blinks in disbelief, “Really?” He realizes how stubborn he was being and then promptly ran to the store.

After that, he is determined to make this week as comfortable for you as possible to make up for his stubbornness. He starts to ask you constantly how you’re doing to an almost annoying degree, but you can tell it’s because he has a golden heart and pure intentions.

Kaito becomes frustrated because he hates seeing you in so much pain and wants nothing more than to take it away. Being unable to do anything makes him feel weak, but he does his best to just be there to support you as your shoulder to cry on and alleviate some of your stress.

After he is able to relax and calm down, Kaito is a lovely partner. He quickly get used to your period and starts reminding you to change your pad/tampon frequently. The two of you also pig out and indulge in your guilty pleasures, as you satisfy your cravings.

He is a lot softer with you after awhile and becomes more parental over you. Kaito does everything he can for you to help you get through this difficult week.

Korekiyo Shinguuji

You knew that Korekiyo was more open and understanding than most men, so you never really hesitated to tell him when you got your period. He was never grossed out or seemed uncomfortable by the situation so you never saw an issue.

It happened one evening while you two were preparing for dinner, and you were in the midst of cooking. Korekiyo was your ever-so helpful assistant.

Then, your legs started trembling. You’ve been having warning-period cramps lately so you knew it was coming, and it usually sets on over time and doesn’t happen this unexpectedly.

He immediately notes you fumbling with the cooking supplies and furrows his brows. “Is everything alright, dear?” He tilts his head to the side kindly.

You ask him to take over and excuse yourself to the bathroom to take care of your business. When you return, you tell Korekiyo that you got your period out of nowhere and he nods sympathetically but wordlessly.

Overall, he was very calm. He instructed you to wait for him to finish cooking and that he would do the rest, asking you to simply take it easy for the time being.

Afterwards, he turns all of his attention to you. He is very level-headed and understanding of your mood-swings. He is always good to you, but even more-so when you’re on your period.

Korekiyo takes very good care of you. He was already a very patient and relaxed person so that doesn’t change, even when you’re irritable and snippy. It does hurt his heart to see you in so much pain, knowing that he can’t do anything to take your cramps away.

But he does make the week as bearable as possible. Korekiyo will run a steamy bath, with rose petals, candles, and a bath-bomb if you want, and then help you get undressed. He also often asks how you’re doing and checks up on you more frequently during your period.

It’s like he knew exactly what to do. He is gentle with you and listens to all of your vents and rants about your period and how you wish you didn’t have to deal with it, and Korekiyo tries relating to you.

Of course he buys you anything and everything you need. He also keeps pads/tampons at his house for emergency purposes, and so you don’t have to worry about carrying them around or forgetting them.

He will serve you hand and foot and do everything to ease your difficult week. There is no judgement in your relationship and nothing you say or do during your period makes him think any less of you. He is extremely understanding and knows what it’s like, so even when you’re emotional he’ll calm you down and rub your shoulders, and none of your complaints about your cramps or the blood is ‘too much information’ or could make him uncomfortable.

Korekiyo thinks that women and people with a uterus are so strong for enduring this painful month, and thinks the reproductive process is beautiful, despite its hardships at times. You just shake your head because you don’t understand.

“If you like it so much then you can take it.”

Gonta Gokuhara

Since you started dating, you’venever really talked about your period with Gonta. Why would you? It’s not likeit was extremely important to him; plus, you didn’t want him to worry about you.

Clearly you can’t hide things forever, though.

You didn’t even feel the first cramp or pick-up on any of the signs that it wascoming so you must have started bleeding without realizing it. Thinking nothing of it, you start pushing your way to the front of the fairly empty classroom to go to the restroom.

When you stand and brush past him, you apparently bled through. Gonta sees thebloodstains on your pants and lets out a loud cry.

“(Y/N)! Dying!” You furrow your brows and whip around to face him, then askwhat he was talking about. He twirls you back around and looks down, and you finally figure out what he must be looking at.

You knew you were supposed to be getting your period soon but didn’t know it would be today. Your facepales and you start to apologize frantically, then start working on calming your boyfriend down.

“It’s just my period.” Gonta looked confused and tilts his head to one side, so you explain, “Girls get their period once a month where they bleed from… down there, it’s totally normal… I’m not dying,” you say that last part with a small giggle.

However, he looked terrified, his eyes widening with terror. “Every girl? Every month?!” He looked at you in awe as you nod your head, then he quietly glanced around the room at your female classmates.

Gonta just couldn’t imagine it. He freaked out, but started to calm down. Then, he vowed to protect you or… at least take some of your pain and stress away. The symptoms of your period got stronger and that’s when your boyfriend got serious.

Anytime your period starts to roll back around, he makes a trip to the store and picks up everything you need. Gonta keeps extra pads/tampons in his home and carries them on his person just in case you need one, or even one of your female friends or classmates.

He does his best to be there for you when the cramps become unbearable, using his strong hands to deeply massage your skin and the tightened areas all over your body, taking away some of the cramps. Then, Gonta gets a hot compress to alleviate the pain even further.

He sometimes treats it as if you’re sick and will help feed you and insist that you stay put while you’re on your period. You lightheartedly chuckle and say, “Gonta, it’s just my period. I’m not sick and I can still walk!”

“No!” He responds, “Gonta want (Y/N) to take it easy!” His warm smile comforted you and you knew he was just doing his best. You didn’t mind him waiting on you, though, and tending to all of your needs. Your comfort and happiness were his top priority and he would do anything to make you feel better during this week.

All he wants to do is help, like a real gentleman would. He isn’t grossed out by your period at all and instead becomes fascinated. Gonta does a lot of research and Googling to try to find answers and ways to help you out even more, and makes sure to do all of the basics.

He gives you plenty of kisses, cuddles, and chocolate to make your period more tolerable, drowning you in even more love than usual. He always asks how you’re doing and promises that, “Period no big deal!”

Ryoma Hoshi

When you and Ryoma start dating, you are very hesitant to open up about your private life. He was such an aloof individual that you weren’t sure how he would feel if you suddenly started to ramble on about your issues.

But it happened when you were in public. You’ve had the warning signs that it was coming so you knew that you were going to get your period very soon, but you thought you had more time than this… or, at least, that it would wait until you got home; especially since Ryoma doesn’t go out very often and you wanted to enjoy your time together.

You were walking around the mall together when suddenly, you feel cramps starting to arise in your abdomen. They got worse and worse until you were doubled over in pain, sinking your nails into your boyfriend’s skin which caught his attention.

Ryoma is immediately concerned and sits you down at the nearest table he can find, then starts examining you.

When you tell him that it’s just your period, a faint blush appears on your cheeks. But to your surprise, Ryoma wasn’t bothered at all; his face remained neutral and he pressed his lips together tightly.

He was more-so worried about getting you the feminine products that you needed and alleviating your pain, so his mind immediately switched into a protective mode as he scanned the mall for the nearest exit.

He was quite calm and didn’t really care that you talked about it, seemingly unbothered. He even added, “That’s a normal thing that fifty-percent of the population has to deal with… why would it bother me?”

As he insisted that you didn’t have to worry, he drove you home, cutting your adventure short.

Then, Ryoma tends to all of your needs in the only way he knew how. He does what he can, though it may not be a lot. He shows little interest in your period and nothing changes to him; he was just the same old Ryoma.

But he does go out of his way to make you feel at ease. He is quite blunt and asks you, “You got pads/tampons, right?” You were a bit surprised by his sudden straight-forwardness. When you shake your head, he sighs, “well, tell me what kind and I’ll go get some.”

From then on out, he remained pretty blunt but you could tell that he cared. He checked up on you often, but his demeanor didn’t really change. Ryoma was more affectionate than usual, more concerned with your well-being, but his attitude wasn’t really altered.

He could handle your mood-swings and did his best to calm you down, bribing you with chocolate or other cravings you had to get you to relax. Ryoma just… didn’t know what he was supposed to do or what was expected of him, so he sometimes came across as a bit uninterested.

But he did really love you and hated seeing you in so much pain. He just didn’t want to stress you out anymore by showing signs of weakness, so he did the basics by rubbing the areas where you cramped and making sure you were taken care of, kissing your stomach and telling you that this week would pass soon enough.

Kazuichi Souda

You normally give Kazuichi a headsup that your period was coming but this month it sneaks up on you.

You wake up beside his smiling face and he presses a kiss against your foreheadlovingly. “Hello, beautiful,” he says as you smile into the embrace he pulls youinto. Waking up beside him was one of your favorite things and you were in such a peaceful mood that the warning signs flew over your head.

You both get dressed and pull yourself out of bed. As Kazuichi starts making thebed, he sees the bloodstain you must have produced overnight. “Oh, my God!” He exclaims before patting himselfdown. It wasn’t coming from him so he turns to you with an expression of complete shock and terror.

“(Y/N), are you bleeding?!” He panicked, his face contorting into a horror as he started examining you thoroughly. You were alarmed at first until you patted yourself down and put two and two together.

“Oh, it must just be my period.” You say calmly and nonchalantly, sounding a bitirritated. By now, you were used to getting it once a month but it neverceased to annoy you, especially when it surprises you like this. Plus, you feel bad for scaring your boyfriend.

Kazuichi breathes and calms down, collapsing on the bed as he clutches his heart, “I was really worried there for a second.”

He can’t really handle your mood-swings or outbursts so almost all of your fights happen when you’re on your period and he does his best to calm you down, although you can sometimes both lose yourselves in the irritability and heat of the moment.

Other than that, having Kazuichi around is a dream. He keeps you in a positive attitude and does his best to keep your mind off of the stress and pains, and take care for all of your needs when you’re cramping; his favorite thing to do is massage your skin to try to minimize your pain.

He’ll trail butterfly kisses down your stomach and hold you tightly, then place a hot compress to the areas where you are in pain. Kazuichi, somehow, is very good at this and you wonder where he must have learned all of these tricks from.

And if your cramps are particularly bothering you, he’ll run a hot bath and help get you both undressed, and hold you in his torso as your muscles relax and he places kisses on the crook of your neck.

This also gives him an excuse to eat as many sweets as he wants, satisfying both of your cravings, so it’s a win-win.

Kazuichi is always a bit embarrassed when he buys you pads/tampons, but it’s all for you and you’re worth it. He becomes a bit more bossy than usual but that’s just him trying to help. He’s constantly asking you how you feel and reminding you to change your pad/tampon. But even with your mood-swings and pain, he showers you in affection during this time.

Your period always seems to catch him by surprise so Kazuichi is a force to be reckoned with, but once he settles down he will take very good care of you. That’s his job, after all, and he’d do anything for you.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu

You and Fuyuhiko have only beendating for a few months so you haven’t really talked about your period. It’s just not something that you want to bring up yet, unable to find an appropriate opening to do so.

But one afternoon, after school let out, you seemed to have no other choice but to bring up the subject.

While cuddling with Fuyuhiko, you feel an all-too familiar stomach cramp sneak up on you. Suddenly, your body becomes hot and you feel a sensation in your lower-regions… and you instantly know what was happening.

Flustered, you excuse yourself abruptly. Fuyuhiko sits up and extends a hand out to you, calling for you as he does. “Hey, (Y/N)! Wait up!” But you have no time to waste and instead hurry into the nearest restroom.

Of course, as hot-tempered as he is, he followed you and knocked on the door; but he wasn’t angry, just concerned and not sure how to express it. You could hear him on the other side and insisted that everything was fine, but he wanted in.

You crack the door and he gently pushes it open to find your blushing, embarrassed face. Fuyuhiko softens and tilts his head to one side, “Are you okay?” He asks as he rests his hands on your shoulders.

You groan and realize that there’s no way out of this. “Well, I… I got my period…” and then his already-rosy cheeks turned into a deeper shade of red as he realized his mistake by intruding.

“O-oh, fuck, my bad…” then, he started rummaging through the bathroom while saying that he thought his sister kept her own feminine products in here somewhere, but he wasn’t sure where.

After finding them, Fuyuhiko hands you the box of pads/tampons and steps out of the room as you do your business. He waits outside the door and pulls you into a hug once you step out, kissing your forehead and apologizing for his intrusion, emphasizing that he should have waited.

He then guides you back to a more private area and wets a washcloth as he helps you clean up and dampens your face, then gently asks if there was anything he could do to help.

The blood doesn’t bother Fuyuhiko one bit and he was used to being around this sort of thing, since his sister and Peko were both major people in his life. Perhaps that’s why he’s so good at tending to your needs.

While on your period, Fuyuhiko insists that he wanted to help in any way possible. He brings you your cravings and will run you a hot bath in an attempt to alleviate your cramps.

When you get moody, he can be a bit hard to deal with. You’re both more irritable when you’re on your period but he tries to keep a level-head and calm both of you down, being your voice of reason. He does his best to minimize your moodiness and tries being patient with you, bringing you into long embrace and holding you until it passes.

Smirking at your boyfriend, you tease, “Wow, I knew you had a soft side but I’m impressed, Fuyu.” This prompted him to shoot you an intimidating glare. “Don’t tell anyone about this…” he sounded a bit embarrassed, but you giggle and kiss him.

He really was just a big teddy-bear who loved you dearly after all.

- Mod Rantaro

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linettiewizowski · 4 years

Text

So I saw this one post from someone on their opinion of the love square. And I really wanted to point out a few things but their replies are turned off.... So I'm answering it here anyways.

(This rant is very long, not kidding, if ya feel like reading what's basically a big ass PowerPoint then go right ahead)

- Being a child does NOT give you a pass to stalk, be possessive over, steal from, invade the boundaries, invade the personal space, of someone you have a crush on.

That is wrong. Children should not be allowed to carry on such innapropriate, behavior. No one should.

- Children need guidance and protection. They cannot always learn or handle things on their own....that should be obvious with Marinette and especially Adrien.

Plus-

°I don't think Tom & Sabine ever expected Marinette to be a stalker....so they would never think to teach her otherwise.

- Yes I know she does realize what she's doing is wrong.....but then she just continues anyways. (Or maybe it only seems like she didn't stop because the episodes are out of order? But even then she STILL acts like this in newer episodes so I'm still sticking to what I said.)

°Adrien.......needs to be taken away to a safe & stable household. (Please let Emelie awaken soon, maybe she'll set things straight. Gabriel deserves a divorce & prison.) Even so, Gabriel does recognize such unhealthy behavior. Gabriel also would not at all expect his son to behave so innapropriately. I am purdy sure he thinks Adrien is "perfect." He even calls Adrien "perfection" in one episode. - It would not even cross his mind to teach his son proper etiquette concerning a crush.

>Ahem, Adrien's possessive, territorial, pushy, somewhat obsessive, Jealous, sometimes moody behavior concerning his feelings for Ladybug.

Constantly hitting on her, flirting with her, getting up in her space, when she has repeatedly showed him that she is NOT interested in him. Even when she revealed she had feelings for another boy he kept pushing.

- The episode where he thought he had right to be angry when she "stood him up" when - The way "Chat" said it & the way "Lady" reacted? Lady only saw it as a dinner between friends.....He then went on to set up an obviously romantic candlelight dinner.

- Once again, Ladybug has made it specifically clear, she is not interested.

Lady did not even fully agree to said dinner. She said she had plans.

Adri-Chat asked "If they end early, come join me?" Lady said "We'll see."

- That is not a yes, that is a maybe. He didn't even take HER plans into account, didn't even think "Well maybe her plans didn't end early." He just gets mad. And Lady should not have been made to feel guilty just because Adri-Chat cannot seem to take/understand a no & a maybe.

- Adri-Chat getting jealous when that one artist expressed his crush on Ladybug and going on to cross Lady's boundaries by lying about the reality of his & Lady's relationship.

(Yes I know, that dude was an adult and Lady-Mar actually a teen. But at that point in the show I'm pretty sure no one could guess the age of Lady & Chat (strangely) and like Spooderman no one thought them to be actual children.) Adri-Chat did that without thinking or even asking for Lady's input. Not cool at all.

- Acting all happy, triumphant when they regained their memories in Oblivio and Alya caught a pic of their amnesiac selves kissing.

What Adri-Chat says: "We're meant for eachother Milady, you're the only one who doesn't see it." (Okay sigh, this boy.)

1. That is a totally uncalled for, arrogant and presumptuous thing to say to Ladybug.

2. (Entirerly From Adri-Chat's perspective) Oblivio erases memories right? So Adri-Chat doesn't even consider the erasion of Lady's supposed crush on this other boy. Leading her to fall her HIM yes, but that's not the point.

Neither of them were in their right minds, as they had no memories. From HIS perspective Lady did not remember her crush on this other boy, if she did, she would not have fallen for Chat at the time of the memory erasion.

Adri-Chat does not at all think about that, all the while STILL ignoring her feelings for the other boy. Nope, he thinks this is some kind of encouragement to keep harassing her because "Maybe she'll choose me one day?" A.K.A. "Maybe she'll come around one day?" - (contemplating calling it sexual harassment because the characters of course do not get sexual, it being a kid's show) But his intent is to get her to date him....Hm. It is still harassment though.

>Ahem,hem. Marinette's obsessive, compulsive, possessive, territorial, jealous, fanatical, controlling, a LOT of times single minded, stalker behavior concerning her feelings for Adrien.

°Same drill - Not dating (Even if they were, still wrong just adding in)

°Adrien has not at all made his feelings clear on anyone (from Mari's perspective)

°Has not shown romantic interest in her.

°Adrien is not aware of her behavior at all. Not even when he spots all of the pictures of him in her room does he get it. (Being too naive is a very bad thing Adrien.)

°Marinette sometimes acts as if Adrien belongs to HER and no one else can have him. She goes to great, ridiculous and sometimes extreme heights just to keep girls she sees as rivals away from him.

She goes overboard, embarrasses herself, acts immature & compulsive. Sometimes she gets mean.

°Chloe & Lila being horrible is no excuse for her to treat Adrien like a possession, and also like he isn't an intelligent person who cannot notice obvious/strange things or protect himself.

(The plot is confusing yes, Adrien not noticing Mari is Ladybug, giving Chloe multiple chances/still being her friend, Being sympathetic to Lila.

While ALSO in some cases being close to connecting the dots to Mari being Lady, Condemning Chloe's outrageous behavior even in one instance totally putting his foot down, and being one of the only people to see through Lila's lies and side with/protect Marinette....though not exactly how he should.) Chalk it up to not that great writing = serious plotholes.

Anyways

°Adrien can kiss, hang out with, travel with, talk to and date whoever he wants. Mari has NO right to manipulate situations where he can't do that. I.E Controlling behavior.

°Now, Kagami is not a bad person. (More than Half the fandom's treatment of her is very disappointing.) Yes I know, she can be harsh, standoffish and cold sometimes. But-

°She does not intend to be mean, she does not, nor does she want to bully anyone. She does not bully Marinette. She just wants Marinette to stop being indecisive and flighty because Kagami ALSO likes Adrien (and by the way she was raised) does not think people should be so indecisive & hesitant or they'll miss important chances for them to take in life.

°Kagami does not think Mari is right for Adrien no, but as soon as she thinks Adrien is interested in Mari? She immediately backs off & respects his wishes. She only engages again when Adrien shows interest in her again.

°Then later on in the show she even attempts to make friends with Mari genuinely because she wants to make friends.....(and Mari doesn't understand because of Kagami's awkwardness but is also simultaneously clouded by her feelings for Adrien.) Kagami actually feels hurt when she finds out that Marinette initially didn't like her.

Kagami is a GOOD girl.

°Now, what Marinette did to Kagami in Animaestro before that was very unacceptable.

Temporarily teaming up with Chloe to sabotage/publicly humiliate/embarrass Kagami to "not let her get Adrien" "not let her take Adrien away," mess with Adrien's perception of her.

- Jumping to outrageous conclusions out of paranoia, panic and fear. (My cute child needs to be sat down and sternly talked to about this.)

- Trying to manipulate & take away Adrien's choice to decide whether he wants Kagami or not.

(I think this probably marked the episode where Mari's unhealthy/toxic behavior starts to spiral as new episodes come out. (And these ARE out of order so wth is up with Mari's unhealthy escalation lately?)

- Using Tiki for personal, jealous purposes to humiliate Lila in front of Adrien. Acting so irrational and heated in front of 2 civillains(from her perspective) Mari?

- Invading Adrien's home/room, touching everything, lying on his bed....sniffing his things? 😧 Without his consent just to leave a present....when she could have just left it on the window sill, not barge into his room and NOT act very creepy.

- Everything she did & said when she thought that Adrien was one of the wax statues.

😮😬😖 Marinette, honey noooooOOOooo.

ALL OF THIS?

Toxic/Unhealthy behavior. It very much is.

Let's not pretend please.

This is not acceptable period. I very much side-eye another's perceptions on the matter when they say "I knew people like this" "They turned out alright."

Oh...did they? Or is this simply what YOU are saying and we, the internet people don't have the full story?

I Kill Bill squint my eyes at the opinions of people who so easily dismiss toxic/unhealthy behavior.

This is not simply a discussion on fictional characters btw, but on the behavior itself ECT. and the fact that this person brought in real people as an example.

(Btw Any teens reading this? Young adults? Please remember to use protection when having sex. Babies are a high stress responsibility that a person who is either still a kid or a very young adult should not be handling or have to handle. "Results may vary" and all that. Another person's experiences aren't guaranteed to be yours and we already have COUNTLESS evidence that having babies while young is NOT a good idea. Please & Thank you.)

In response to a little tidbit in that person's post.) Anyways.

- Being mature while in a relationship is very important. That much is apparent.

In the context of the show for these 2 teens they are in love with one another.

You cannot behave like all of THIS if you wish to maintain a relationship with someone.

This is not grounds for a healthy, safe, respectful relationship.

°Not respecting your friend or spouse, their choices, their boundaries, their space, their being makes you a borderline abusive person.

(Guys c'mon.) If Adrien & Marinette were real people? They would be very creepy, toxic kids. Hell we DO have some very toxic people, even children that act like this in real life. This is a no. All the no.

- Other ships in the show being unhealthy does not in no way invalidate or downplay the fact that Adrien & Marinette's behavior is unhealthy.

- There are many, many, many, many instances of their unhealthy behavior, not "just two." It's insulting that this person treats the fans who point this out as if we are some idiots who do not watch the show and therefore can not call out this obvious lie.

- There being moments where Adrien & Marinette actually behave theirselves for once does not at all erase or invalidate every single one of their toxic moments.

- The show does not do a good job of writing scenes where getting into these characters heads that behaving this way is unacceptable, at all. No character development there.

(Them giving up on persuing eachother at the end of the season does not address the toxic behavior. That is just them being tired of not getting the results that they want from their crushes.)

- It's hard for me to debate as well. Calling the whole ship unhealthy/toxic? In real life, no way josay would this be okay, in the show? Marinette & Adrien at their core ARE good kids. And they DO sometimes realize their mistakes. But it really, truly isn't enough. There is either not much or no consequences to their innapropriate behavior at all.

(You might say Chat Blanc, but that was circumstance because they didn't reveal their identities to each other in full, not consequence for Mari's creepy room invasion, that was separate.)

It's so debatable. These unhealthy behaviors should NOT be encouraged and the Love Square shouldn't be shipped during them.

I'm just gonna say that I hope with all my might that the writers get it into their heads that this is NOT okay to market to children and that they CANNOT expect kids to understand or tell what toxic behavior is or that the innapropriate things Adri & Mari do are okay.

THAT is a large issue above all else here.

(Let's get some major character development please.)

- "Sometimes you have to sacrifice when you love someone."

This sounds way left field and is not at ALL what the fans who protest Adri & Mari's toxic behavior are talking about.

- "I think a lot of the criticism comes from people who just don't understand love. Maybe they've never been in love."

How absolutely patronizing, condescending, presumptuous in itself and very ignorant.

That's not even. How do I respond to that?

Wow.

I am not repeating myself, I already wrote a whole darn essay. My answer to this is all of the above.

And lastly-

"But the love square is FAR from toxic.

Far, far, far from it."

...Hm. Hm Hm. Hm. Yes of course. 😐😐😐

Okey. I think I'm done here. It's literally been an hour gathering my thoughts, typing and editing this. Anybody who actually read all of this, feel free to comment? Note? I dunno, I'm new to Tumblr. Calling comments/replies "notes" is weird to me.

#miraculous ladybug #Answer to a weird post #Love Square #Toxic fictional relationships #Stalking in fiction #looong post #My poor sweet superhero children need proper parental guidance and serious help #REALLY long post #Unhealthy ships #toxic ships #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste

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thesagedahlia · 5 years

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💢Ari & GHerbo Saga💢

Now I won't lie to you, I don't know these people, nor have I ever cared. I thought this was just another "bitter baby mama" love triangle, & I've been seeing that alot, via my own intuitive hits. Ari breeds this energy that she is toxic, but I'm not going to put all the blame onto her; she is a hurt woman & GHerbo never struck me as innocent when it came to her. Guys are guys, & they all have some manipulative tendencies, & if we pull his chart up, that Scorpio Mars screams manipulation. Plus, his Libra stellium can be the culprit in him being so favorable in the public, but that Libra sun with an Aries moon feels aggresive (same placements as Cardi B, might I add). But Ari's Cancer stellium is emotional, moody & reactive emotionally. & her moon is in Capricorn, so their compatibility with their suns & moons ALONE is a Cardinal square, (cardinal signs being Aries, Cancer, Libra, & Capricorn), & that is a lot of aggression on both side, & of course, that shit clashes. That being said, they are a without a doubt a toxic couple, so I do feel this isn't the end for them & their drama, after all there IS a child involved. Let me close this out by saying this: anything that I say in this reading DOES NOT have to manifest, but this IS what my cards picked up at the time when I was pulling on this situation. Also, if I'm wrong, I'm wrong, & I never want to be right about the things I picked up on because it's all very messy. So at this time, you, the reader, can decide for yourself from this point on; does Ari feel she will ever be as spiteful as this, do you think any of the behind the scenes messiness that I picked up on, & do you believe that actions speak louder than words? If you can't stand someone talking about your fave & feel like I'm being a "hater" or an "assumer" in this reading, this is where you can get off. If you want to use your intuition & are curious about what I picked up on, keep reading. The worst has yet to come. It's also important to note that energy fluctuates & doesn't stay the same all the time, so again; this does NOT have to manifest in the way that I've picked up.

**DISCLAIMER**

I am not declaring, nor am I insinuating, that anything I say in my predictions are true accounts of any of the parties involved. This reading is for entertainment purposes only, & should be only taken as such. All in good fun, folks 🤷🏾‍♀️🧿

💢Energy surrounding Ari & GHerbo💢

It's not really a secret that they aren't on a good accord at the moment. I think there is more to the story when it comes to certain arrangements they made. Even after countless times of trying to mend their relationship for the sake of their child (& maybe for other more personal reasons), it just ended up being repeated cycles of hostility that brings nothing but burdens. This may sound a little messy, but I don't think GHerbo was completely finished dealing with Ari at times. I think a lot of Ari's frustration comes from him being (or trying to be) back & forth between her & Tania. It's even possible that there was a (a-HEM) "exchange" between Ari & GHerbo, behind Tania's back. I think there is much grief & anxiety over the fact that Tania is getting the financial security with GHerbo (either that or security in general) or her being able to splurge on him the way she does, while Ari isn't necessarily getting the respect she feels she deserves. I have a feeling there is a lot of a front when it comes to how Ari truly feels, & I do feel like she is bothered by their relationship in some way. It's almost like she believes that they intentionally do things to spite & play games with her. There seems to be unfinished business & that of course can pertain to the child they have together, but I get the feeling that Ari & GHerbo dealt with each other long after he got with Tania. I remember when news broke about the altercation the two had, & I'm feeling GHerbo was completely finished dealing with her after that. I also believe that there were personal things that took place leading up to it; there is much hurt surrounding it. I feel GHerbo is doing his best to ignore Ari, & I also get a sense that she hurt him in some way. He doesn't seem to want anything to do with her at this time. I get a feeling Ari is coming for GHerbo, & she may even get the courts involved this time. I feel like she is scorned & is wanting to hit him where it hurts. What she is planning on accomplishing will compromise their relationship as coparents, & even friends if that is still there. I feel a plot coming to fruition & she is working with other people (possibly lawyers). Ari is coming up with the way to control the situation & it may be made public. She may be trying to come after him financially for any distress he may have caused her. I feel like she is planning to take him to court because she feels he is either ignoring his responsibilities, or doing certain things just to spite her. She's keeping her cards close to her chest, but I feel she is speaking with lawyers. I feel the two aren't speaking with each other & there isn't much balance in the relationship. He completely cut her off, I'm getting, which makes Ari feels that anything she sees of him on social media is in spite of her. She has some secrets on GHerbo that she has yet to bring to light & it may have to do with some unresolved feelings for one another.

💢Ari's feelings toward GHerbo💢

Although she's blessed for her son, I see regret in dealing with GHerbo. I see broken promises that she feels she needs to heal from, though I don't feel that it's over for her. I have a feeling that she may want sole custody of their son & is working on her own foundation. She does feel she lost out on the family aspect if being with GHerbo & think there was a part of her that wanted to marry him. Now I think she is after him financially (or sole custody) so when that is revealed, it will end there relationship for good. She feels like claiming what is rightly hers, & it may bring things in front of a judge. I don't feel like it is what she wants to do, but it is what it's come down to.

💢GHerbo's feelings toward Ari💢

Well...he feels like he wants to say something to her & get back on good terms, for the sake of their child, I feel like he still cares about Ari, but he is moving forward from her. She is coming at him through social media, which is keeping him far away from her, but I do feel like he wants to make things right. I do feel like he made the right decision to move on from her, but I think he could be feeling on the fence about it. There was a part of him that didn't want to end things with her. I also feel like he was giving to both her & Tania at the same time at one point. I think he is having patience at this time, when reconciling with her, but I see that he is focused on his relationship with Tania. He's trying to be strong in this time, because he wants to speak with her. I feel he's happy in his relationship, but he could also be feeling overwhelmed by his situation. I think he feels like their connection is strong enough to withstand the test of time, but I also get the feeling that he misses her (even if only slightly), but he is keeping his focus away from her.

💢How does Ari feel about GHerbo & Tania as a couple💢

The relationship was definitely a disruption for her & it may have been kept from her before they made it official. She is completely defensive against this relationship because there is a element of not being aware of their relationship in the first place. She had a feeling, when they weren't getting along much, that he was moving on elsewhere, but it still wasn't initially brought to her attention. She feels it was a way for her to rest from the situation of being with him, though he always was back & forth with her emotionally. She didn't take much of it serious at first for the simple fact that he would always go back to her, but she felt him acting out of ego. He would always want to keep the peace with her & that was something that boosted her ego; feeling like she always had one up on Tania. Again, his ego is coming up for her, almost like she feels like he willingly tries to spite her using this relationship, but she's worked on brushing shit off. I feel like she had this mindset of "he'll leave her & be back with me", but I think she is starting to come to terms with them being together longer than she originally anticipated. She still in this mindset that they won't last, but I feel she doesn't want him much anymore, though she believes he still wants her.

💢Will the situation with Ari & GHerbo be resolved💢

I feel like, again, there is some sort of stage of patience & planning where there is a delay in taking a risk that will be an irrational attempt at rectifying their own hurt feelings. Again, this feels like Ari wanting to bring judgement to what she feels is an attack against her. There is financial stability wanting to be achieved in turn for her 'pain & suffering'. Now, this could be strictly financial or she could be filing for sole custody, but I keep seeing a plot on threatening GHerbo's stability, & I keep seeing this as irrationality & taking things to a further point. I feel Ari is keeping to herself afterwards, but I still see her plotting to gain from an opportunity. She's going to allow things to play out, because she is planning on bringing a tower down. She wants shit to be balanced for her & would rather not be involved in any more conflict & mind games. She understands there will be even more ongoing stress & continued challenges, but her end goal is achieved respect in her motherhood. She's still on the fence about actually going through with it because she knows it may be a battle & she doesn't want to threaten his authority (or interrupt his duties as a father), but she feels the need to balance out the situation, because it's only going to cause her more greif. She may actually want sole custody, or would like an agreement made on paper on when GHerbo is able to see their son. It is possible that it won't be extreme in what she's planning, but she is planning on get the courts involved. I feel like she may continue to be bothered by the situation, but whether she's privately or continues to be publicly bothered, it will only add fuel to her fire. She may be talking to a lawyer as of now, if not she plans to. I get a sense that she is going to continue to stand by & watch, as her case is building. She wants her defense to be strong enough to actually have something moving & is watching for anything that she can use against him in court. She could be in the beginning stages with her lawyer (if it's come to that yet) where they are putting a strong case together, & they are gathering as much information as they can. I'm still picking up on a financial or parental battle that may take some time to develop, though in the meantime there may not be much outwardly spoken about the situation from Ari. I feel she will allow things to play out as she makes plans to take a calculated approach.

💢BONUS QUESTION: Has GHerbo ever cheated on Tania with Ari💢

I will say that it was done out of pride & ego. I do feel, again, Ari felt an ego boost whenever GHerbo would be around her, giving her attention. There was some risky situation confronted & it has overturned the balance to his current relationship. There was fun depicted in their encounter, & even though Ari was satisfied, it was kinda weighing on GHerbo after a while. You know how you still deal with your ex/bm/person that you fuck, & you feel like since you always fuck with them, you continue to, instead of moving forward in your current relationship (I mean, we shouldn't be familiar with this, but-), that's basically what goes on with them, but I feel GHerbo has been draining himself. He knows that this could potentially cause problems with his relationship, & he also feels he can't trust Ari. He does feel regret for continuing to entertain her in that way, & has put a stop to their affairs (in vulgar terms, it stopped being about his nut with her).

💢BONUS QUESTION: Will GHerbo & Tania last💢

Wherever there are people who aren't for them or are looking for them to fail, they already expect it. With that said, they still plan on moving forward. They are well aware that there is deception or envy that can come through without warning, but they are in an energy of 'building' at this point. They aren't going to let the world get to them because they feel it is them against it. They are both happy being with each other, & they make each other happy. With Ari in particular, there is hope to achieve a common ground with her, since she stands in the way of a lot of their peace. There is much struggle & burden that there is a need to balance out the situation with her in order to make things with coparenting smoother, but nothing is moving at this time; instead there's much backlash from her at this time. But again, I keep picking up that it's going to be getting worse as far as backlash, but they are still depicted as moving forward regardless of things getting tough for them.

For the final time; this DOES NOT have to manifest in the way that I have depicted. This energy can come & pass, & therefore never be addressed on this level.

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myheroaizawashota · 5 years

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Stuck With Each Other by Shontelle ft. Akon (friggin love this song so friggin much) It's not on the list but I hope you approve. Could you do an Aizawa x reader with it? I think it'd be so cute

[I actually love this, maybe a little moment where Aizawa tries to tell himself he doesn’t need the reader because loving them so much makes him irrational and crazy but he quickly finds out how wrong he is!]

Day one hundred and sixty eight. Even five and a half months after your first encounter, the typically reclused and slightly unsociable erasure hero was left breathless once more in the abyss of sleep as his mind lay consumed with the thought of you once more. His body bent at the hip as he clawed his quivering fingers at the black fabric of his shirt, eyes snapping open his head hung, he gasping for a chance to regain a sense of clarity and reason. This was getting out of hand...For the last four weeks the thought of you’re affectionate and tender smile did nothing but haunt Aizawa’s dreams. It was incomprehensible how one person could so effortlessly capture every spare moment he had. Free time was precious to the pro hero made teacher so for him to spend any of it fixiated on you was foreign to him. He valued the spare time he had to himself, seeing as how rare and sporadic it was. He couldn’t begin to fathom why his mind clung so heavily to the thought of you. With an exasperated sigh, the aloof 1-A teacher, pushed himself up from the floor irritated by his own inability to sleep. Slender fingers rubbed at the corners of his eyes as he tried to push the sleep from them with a grunt. It was irrational for him to feel so strongly about someone the way he did you. In agitation he slumped his body into his desk chair, head leaning back as he stared up at the ceiling.

While distracted by his thoughts, he hadn’t realized the door to his clsssroom slid open, a set of low heels clicking against the linoleum of the school floors. Knowing the fimiliar sound well, he let his worn out eyes fall on your body. It was relieving to see you. While he was mad that you haunted his every minute of life, he couldn’t push himself to take his displeasures out on you. Your mouth pulled up in the corners forcing a smile that would make just about anyone weak. “Hey, you’re up early for a change.” A chuckle played at the end of your words. “I bought you a treat” you hummed hands holding out a fresh cup of coffee, giving the travel container a gentle jiggle before extending it out to the other.

It was faint but a hint of crimson flooded across the others typically gray scaled cheeks, the edges of his lips twitching slightly. Reaching out, his fingers grazed softly over your knuckles as the cup was transferred into his own hand. “You didn’t have to bring this..” he hummed bringing the cup immediately to his mouth. His eyes widened in horror as the bubbling heat of the containers contents scorched the inside of his mouth, he swallowing the liquid as quick as he could.

You gave a frown, fingers anxiously moving to scratch behind your ear. “I should have mentioned it was fresh...”

Giving a grunt Aizawa shook his head, letting the cup rest against his desk. Of course he wasn’t mad at you for his own incompetence, but he was clearly angered by his own idiotic actions. You shouldn’t have had to warn him the coffee was boiling, common sense should have been enough. Why was he like this? Whenever you wandered your way into his life he did nothing but make a fool of himself. “It’s fine...” he huffed moving to stand to his feet, hands cramming into his pockets as he moved aimlessly to the other end of the class room.

You could sense the indignation in his tone as he spoke, your own mind pinning the blame to yourself. You couldn’t quite put a finger on it, but the other did react rather extravagantly for just a simple burn. It wasn’t like him. Unsure if Shouta was upset with you, or just moody on his own accord, you slowly began to make way for the exit. “I...have to get going. I just stopped by to say hi and give you the coffee. I’ve got a lecture in twenty I need to prepare for...I’ll text you later” you said a hint of optimism in your voice “I hope your tongue feel better Shouta.”

With that you scampered off, leaving the other alone with his own thoughts. Disappointment flushed over him as he stood sulking in the corner over his own fatous behavior. It was frustrating! What was it about you that made him act so uncontrollable with his own brain. The moment his eyes met the soft sweet gaze of yours, he turned into a ill functioning fool. He couldn’t deal with it anymore. So long as he avoided you, the temptation to act utterly idiotic wouldn’t be as strong. Perhaps if he weened himself out of your attention, his life would start to go back to a sense of normality.

Seeing it as his only sound solution, Aizawa began avoiding you like a child avoided the dentist. If he saw you coming from one direction, juvenilely he would head the opposite way. When forced to confront you, he’s keep his tone flat and uninterested in an attempt to force you away. If he acted disinterested eventually you’d leave him be. To his own faults, pushing you out of his life had the polar opposite effects on his state of mind.

The dreams of you and him became more frequent, jumping from once a week to nightly. They became more feverish, leaving his body craving yours when morning came. He didn’t understand how you single handedly managed to ruin him. He had every intention to tell you so today. Enough was enough. Irately he stormed through the halls with his fist shoved into the pockets of his black pants, grumbling to himself. “This is utterly ridiculous.” His war path continued, he stopping in front of the door to the teachers lounge, listening in as heard the room in use. Sobbing? Someone was crying in there.

Typically Shouta wasn’t one to be nosy or gossipy, but something compelled him to peer into the room a bit further. He couldn’t explain it if he wanted to, but something in him knew to look. When he peered into the room, his anger dissipated as his chest began to feel the heaviest it’d ever been. Sat at the communal table was you, your head burrowed into your elbows as they sat resting on the flat surface. The sound of your sobs hurt him more than any physical pain he’d ever felt before in his life. Aizawas eyes began to sting, his body finding it hard to breathe as he watched the sight in front of him.

There you sat, shoulders shaking as Yamada rubbed small circles against your shoulders, his lips pulled down into a frown. “It’s messed up what he’s doing to you Y/N....but..I don’t know man that’s kinda just how he is..” the typically exuberant voice hero sorrowfully sighed.

It was unlike Yamada to be so quite, his touch almost felt unrecognizable to you as he did his best to calm your sobs. Lifting your head you let the ball of your palm rub vigorously at your eye, you giving a soft hiccup. “I know it is....but ever since last week he’s just been so...repulsed by me...it’s like he woke up and decided I was a bother to him.”

It broke Aizawas heart to hear you talk that way. Sure you made him crazy and irrational but he still loved the sight of your smile. He still loved the way your laughter made his chest feel bigger and his stomach flutter. He loved the way you took the time out of your day to care for him, even when he was being cruel to you....he loved you. Oh....he understood now. He was in love with you. Pressing his fingers against the pressure point between his eyes he gave a grunt. You really did swipe all the rationality from him. It was finally clear to him, no matter how hard he pushed you away, it only hurt both of you more. You were stuck to each other, and there was nothing he could do to change it.

Palms dampening at his sudden realization, he pushed himself to open the break room door, eyes shamefully nervous to make contact with yours. “Get out, I need to talk to Y/N...please.”

Looking to the Shouta with soft damp eyes, you felt your heart twist in your chest as a mix of emotions swarmed around you. The lights of the break room reflected off the Present Mic’s sun glasses he giving a sigh as he stood to his feet. Leaving you one finally rub to the back, Yamada stood to his feet moving to cross paths with Aizawa, shoulder gently checking his as they passed. “I don’t think ya need me to stress this point buddy, but don’t mess it up with that one okay?”

On that note the other left the room, though you both knew he was probably in an ear shots distance from the entire event. Uneasily Shouta let his eyes meet with yours for the first time in a week, his chest frantically thrashing as he looked through the hurt that clouded the surface of your eyes. “I don’t know where to start...”

A pout pulled at your lips, your body instinctively began to curl in on itself. “An apology would be great for starters Shouta...”

He deserved the bitter bite to your tone. He’d hurt you badly this last week, for what? Because he was to immature to realize his own feelings...struggling to find the words, the stoic individual yanked your body flush against his own. Shock wriggled its way across your features as you felt the other arms constrict tightly against your chest, the sensation of his nose burying its way against the side of your head causing the nerves in your stomach to flutter up into your chest. He’d never hugged you this way before, nor had he ever hugged anyone this way. Stunned by his actions, your own arms took a moment before they moved to coil back around the others front, you burying yourself away in the musk of his scarf.

You couldn’t help as frustrated tears began to beat down from your eyes “I don’t get you Shouta Aizawa! One day I think that your feelings for me are as strong as mine are for you and the next day I’d swear you hate me! I don’t know what you want from me....why can’t you just make up your mind!” You whimper clutching the other closer.

Hating the sound of tears in your tone, he pulled you back to arms length, his normally tired eyes scanning across yours. In that one moment you swore you could see genuine emotion creep across the others face, even if it was quickly masked and hidden away before you could address it. In one swift movement, Aizawa let his fingers securely pull your chin in close as he pressed his lips to yours.

You could feel your heart rattling in your chest as the other presses himself into you for a long moment, before breaking away to hold you in his gaze. “My mind is usually very easily made up. I’ve never taken so long to make a choice so simple before in my life. I’m sorry I acted like a giant baby alll week, it’s only because I’m in love with you...and that’s something new to me...but i know what i want now” with that his lips moved to swallow yours once more.

Feeling the soft burn of tears rolling down your face yet again, you let your arms move to hook securely around the others neck, deepening the kiss with everything you had. He drove you crazy and wild, but you were stuck to each other. There was nothing you could do.

Silence fell between the two of you as the kiss conspired, you both sitting breathless with respective grins on each of your lips. With an unseen playfulness shouts leaned himself into your ear and whispered “Incase the kiss wasn’t enough indication, what I want is you.”

You burst into hysterics at his comment, they half laughter and half tears as you threw your body into his. This man would be the death of you.

#aizawa shouta #aizawa x reader #eraserhead x reader #bnha requests #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #eraserhead #hizashi x reader #toshinori x reader #toshinori yagi #yamada hizashi #present mic

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eclare-draws · 5 years

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My ML/Enneagram Theory

So I was bored and have a huge interest in the Enneagram personality type test, so I decided to figure out what Adrien and Marinette are on the Enneagram. I was just making points, and it somehow turned into an eight page double spaced essay. I’m realy happy with it and it only took a couple of hours, so here it is to read. It will help with the art I’m posting tomorrow ;)

The Enneagram is a personality test based on a person’s basic fears and desires in life. It is a set of numbers one through nine, each of which represent a specific type of person but are all connected based on how each basic type (the one someone identifies the most with) reacts to stress and growth. The system is largely based on fluctuation, but by analyzing the fears and desires of characters in Miraculous Ladybug, their basic Enneagram type can be quickly identified by the actions they take to change injustices and make sense of the world around them. Here, the discussion will be based on Marinette/Ladybug and Adrien/Chat Noir in various contexts.

In every episode, we see both Marinette as well as Ladybug strive to make the world better based on her beliefs of what is right for the city and her friends (which is typically in-line with what we as a society associate with good and honorable behavior). This attitude and drive is often associated with Enneagram Type One: the Reformer, who wants “to be good, to have integrity, [and] to be balanced.” This analysis of character can be seen in both personas Marinette takes on: the busy schoolgirl and the savior of Paris. Ones are often faulted with “always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake,” which is clearly displayed in “Stoneheart,” where Marinette struggles to cope with the fact that she messed up to the point where she feels she is so incompetent that it would be better for her to give up her miraculous for the sake of Paris. “[Ones] try to maintain high standards, but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic.” Marinette’s sense of perfectionism is clearly seen in her designs and plans. She spends a disproportionate amount of time on tiny details, such as an embroidered signature, that no one else would notice but add depth and meaning to her work. Not only this, but her perfectionism shines when she makes detailed and convoluted plans, whether it is how to use her lucky charm as Ladybug or how she will get together with Adrien (see Operation: Secret Garden in “Gigantitan”).

The audience can often see Marinette trying to improve the lives of others, whether they ask for it or not. She often zeros in on a single problem and tackles it in order to help the world align with how she sees it best. When she is criticized for a mistake or wronged in some way, she reacts dramatically and impatiently. This aligns with the direction of disintegration, where “methodical Ones suddenly become moody and irrational at Four.” When Marinette is wronged, she reacts brashly and “[has] problems with resentment and impatience,” easily showcased in situations dealing with Chloe. All nine Enneagram types are associated with a sin, and Ones are paired with anger. This makes sense with Marinette, because while she tends to be level headed in most situations, she gets mad and defensive whenever something is turned against her or goes against the plan.

“History is full of Ones who have left comfortable lives to do something extraordinary because they felt that something higher was calling them.” Marinette started her career as Paris’ superheroine just as anyone would expect: spilling macarons everywhere while preventing an old man from getting hit by a car he could have easily avoided. Master Fu’s intention with the ladybug miraculous was Marinette’s higher calling. One of the more famous figures often referenced in speaking of the Type One personality is Joan of Arc (Jeanne d’Arc). Not only was Joan of Arc in a similar position as Marinette - a teenage girl destined to save France - but she is also depicted in the show as a past holder of the Ladybug Miraculous (see Befana episode and Thomas Astruc’s art). This revelation could be interesting to anyone, but it also enhances and hones this theory into a definite explanation. Marinette Dupain-Cheng is a Type One on the Enneagram personality test.

But what about her partner, crush, and friend, Adrien Agreste or Chat Noir? Well, it is made clear early on that Chat Noir is what Adrien would be if it were not for his father and the life he is expected to lead for the sake of looking good (pun intended). By analyzing this character in two parts rather than at the same time as previously done with Marinette, he becomes much simpler to understand. Chat Noir’s abilities allow Adrien to leave the fortress that is the Agreste mansion and live his life in a way that helps him grow and thrive, while being locked up puts him in a state of disintegration or stress. By evaluating the character from this point of view, it makes sense that Adrien would be an Enneagram Type Seven: the Enthusiast.

Sevens want nothing more than “to be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled.” Adrien grew up in a wealthy household and never had to worry about his physical needs being met but he constantly looks for ways to have his emotional needs met because his father refuses to do so and instead feeds into the basic fear of sevens: “Of being deprived and in pain.” Adrien’s worst nightmare is being locked up, as displayed in Sandboy, where bars appear in his room until he’s trapped and isolated. In “Riposte,” Ladybug hides him in a sarcophagus in the Louvre and, after escaping to be Chat Noir, he uses the excuse of, “I hate to be locked up.” While this is not actually why he left, his body language and tone show that he is being genuine in his words and that his clawstrophobia (sorry) is an actual problem. This claustrophobia is not only based in literally being in tight spaces, but also figuratively being trapped. His father over schedules him to the point where he, a young boy, cannot discover who is for himself or what his interests are. Despite the skateboarding ramp and posters in his room, does the audience ever see him even have the slightest interest in skateboarding? Or basketball? Rockclimbing? Piano? Fencing? Chinese? Modeling? While he seems to go along with these and generally find entertainment in them, there is no way to show that he is actually inclined to do these things - he is just expected to, so he does.

Being locked away in his room allowed him proficiency at the activities provided for him, but the only time he is ever depicted as actively enjoying one of these things is when he plays the piano with Plagg in “Puppeteer 2.” Sevens often prefer “to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain.” By giving in to the hobbies he is expected to have, he keeps himself busy so that he cannot worry about what he might actually enjoy. His ability to have high performance can also be attributed to the fact that “Sevens are frequently endowed with quick, agile minds, and can be exceptionally fast learners. This is true both of their ability to absorb information (language, facts, and procedures) and their ability to learn new manual skills—they tend to have excellent mind-body coordination, and manual dexterity (typewriting, piano playing, tennis).” While he might not be interested in the activities he participates in, he finds himself great at all of them because of this ability to adapt and learn. Despite this, it is likely that Adrien will struggle to figure out what he wants to pursue because, “Sevens do not feel that they can find what they really want in life.” The only thing he truly knows for himself and his future is that he wants Ladybug to be in it.

The few active decisions the audience sees Adrien make are in line with those associated with Sevens, in that he “[wants] to maintain [his] freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences,” or, in this case, the experiences of a normal teenage boy. He decides he wants to go to school with other people because he deems it important in “Stoneheart”. In “The Gorilla,” he runs away from home in order to avoid missing out on his mother’s movie. By keeping the black cat miraculous, he makes the choice to continue to have worthwhile experiences and make positive change to better his life. Sevens “do not feel that they know what to do or how to make choices that will be beneficial to themselves and others,” which is shown in “Reflekdoll” when Adrien holds the ladybug miraculous and worries that his choices are not the correct path without the assurance of Lady Noire. Sevens are known for “[keeping] their minds occupied, especially with projects and positive ideas for the future, they can, to some extent, keep anxiety and negative feelings out of conscious awareness.” As Chat Noir is being rejected by Ladybug, he quickly slips into a Marinette-like fantasy of moving to an island, living off fruits, and buying a pet hamster. By creating these plans, which one can only assume he spends much of his free time doing, he avoids the harsh reality of his family and love life.

Sevens are often referred to as being optimistic, which is certainly true of Adrien. Yes, he faces isolation and what is assuredly a deep set of insecurities and pain that a children’s show will not delve into, but he still finds the silver lining of every situation. When he is denied the love of Ladybug in “Glaciator,” he decides “her friendship is the best gift of all.” Even after he spent months trying to save Ladybug as Aspik in “Desperada,” he still decides that he can best help her as Chat Noir and sees the positive that can come out of what must have been a traumatic experience for him. Even in regards to his father, where most people would resent a parent who treats them like Gabriel treats Adrien, Adrien still manages to not only love but also respect his father and his wishes. When Sevens are at their healthiest, they “Assimilate experiences in depth, making them deeply grateful and appreciative for what they have.” When Adrien becomes his alternate persona, Chat Noir, the audience is able to clearly see the vivacity this character has and the beauty he finds in the world. Chat Noir often appreciates the smaller things in his life that others often tend to ignore, as he is unable to participate in life as Adrien Agreste. His separation from the world as his father’s son causes him to usually live in an unhealthy level for Sevens, where “their energy and health is completely spent: become claustrophobic and panic-stricken” which is again illustrated in his greatest fears of being trapped. “Sevens deeply resist feeling trapped or being in situations that continually produce unhappiness,” a statement that can easily be attributed to Adrien as he lives his life as a true Seven on the Enneagram.

It does not need to be stated that Chat Noir and Ladybug make a miraculous team (sorry). Their styles of planning, solving, and fighting are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Chat Noir tends to have a spontaneous take to his fighting, while Ladybug is methodical and calculating. This all makes sense with the analysis of the interactions of Ones and Sevens according to the official Enneagram study. “Enneagram Ones and Sevens have a particular complementary and reciprocal relationship. They are opposites who can either bring something needed to the other person, thereby helping both to achieve new growth.” The black cat and ladybug miraculous are said to be two parts of a whole, the yin and yang of the miraculous. Because of this, the interactions between them make sense to be reciprocal actions towards the same goal. While Ladybug creates, Chat Noir destroys. Their powers work together to create a balance in the world and within their lives. Occasionally, the audience sees examples of when their actions affect the outcome negatively because they are out of sync with the intentions of the other.

Sometimes, Chat Noir’s casual approach and joking attitude will get in the way of Ladybug’s plan, as seen in “Oblivio” and referenced in “Reflekdoll.” This dynamic between the two heroes can again be comprehended through the understanding of the two types, “Ones bring conscientiousness, orderliness, good work habits, methodical attention to detail, and a pleasure in maintaining excellence and high standards. Sevens bring spontaneity, high energy, curiosity, an orientation toward fun and adventure, the desire to try new things, and an ability to not get too hung up with getting everything done perfectly.” This is a perfect summary of their tandem relationship that balances out for a positive outcome. When things do not go to plan, Chat Noir finds a way to help Ladybug and solve the problems that they face most of the time. This spontaneity can sometimes cause issues between them, another common flaw between the two types. “As stress increases, Ones become increasingly critical, judgmental, inflexible, and insistent that things be done only one way, the right way—their way. They inevitably begin to see Sevens as undisciplined and inefficient, self-centered and childish. Ones feel that Sevens are scattered and tend to fool around too much.” In “Relfekdoll,” Ladybug points out these types of behaviors in her partner, going so far as to call his suit a “clown costume.” She also struggles to understand that Chat Noir’s approach to holding the Ladybug miraculous is vastly different from her own, which causes some bickering between them because her brain does not work in a “simple, straightforward [manner].”

As the audience does not see Marinette and Adrien interact in a normal fashion very often, it is harder to see these similarities appear between the two civilians. This is not only because of Marinette’s crush, but also because Adrien tends to guard his emotions to save face and do as expected of him. In “The Gorilla,” the dynamic between them peeks through as the friends have to rely on Adrien’s spontaneous changes of plan while Marinette struggles to follow along because she does not have time to make a cohesive plan. While Marinette can adapt quickly to her missteps around Adrien, she often finds herself floundering when she does not have a plan. Some of the few times she was almost successful in confessing her love can be noted in “Dark Cupid,” “Puppeteer 2,” and “Gigantitan.” In all three of these, she comes up with varying levels of plans in order to make Adrien fall in love with her. In “Dark Cupid,” she writes a love letter but forgets to sign it because she is distracted. “Puppeteer 2” shows her and Tikki devising a plan to play the role of someone who is confident around Adrien, but she had to go and almost kiss him in that situation. In “Gigantitan,” she develops what is easily her most in-depth plan (Operation: Secret Garden), which almost worked until she had to improvise. Her inability to improvise is greatly contrasted by Adrien/Chat Noir’s ability for the trade. He is a quick thinker and finds ways to avoid a negative outcome in the worst situations. When he tries to plan, such as his poem in “Dark Cupid,” it does not work out for him because he is able to do it on the fly with a higher success rate.

While Miraculous Ladybug may be a show intended for children, it is easily enjoyed by older viewers who look at each episode with a keen eye and interested mind. In the observation of interactions, mindsets, and attitudes, the Enneagram types of Paris’ heroes can easily be discovered and analyzed through a clearer lens. By doing so, an audience member can have a better understanding of the characters and make sense of their actions and thought processes without necessarily being able to relate to the characters all the time. By watching Marinette/Ladybug’s ability to plan and desire to do what is right for her city and her friends, one can see that her Enneagram type must be a One - the Reformer. She prefers a methodical approach to life that is filled with clear morals and a call to greatness and she often becomes frustrated when the world does not work the way she expects it to. On the other hand, Adrien/Chat Noir’s ability to see the positive in every situation as he improvises his way through life shows that he must be a Seven - the Enthusiast. Adrien’s family situation often places him in a period of stress or disintegration where he feels trapped and stuck in life because he does not fully understand himself. As the two characters interact with one another, it is made obvious that they are meant to be (whether as a couple or just the strongest duo in Paris) and that they can only improve and hone their partnership as they better understand one another on a deeper level.

(All quotes taken from “Miraculous Ladybug” and The Enneagram Institute.)

#ml fan theory #miraculous ladybug #enneagram #ml #ladybug #chat noir #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #miraculous fan theory #miraculous ladybug fan theory #miraculous ladybug fanfic #miraculous fanfiction #ml fanfic #ml fanfiction #ladrien #ladynoir #lady noire #aspik

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simonarmstrcng · 5 years

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heyo, i’m pepper, and i’m late as usual (who’s surprised?? not me lmao)! i am here to introduce you to my favourite mess, simon who was actually one of my first muses! i’m trying to revive him so atm he’s a bit bare bones but here’s hoping i can get through this intro coherently (unlikely, but i’ll try)

[ MUSE 3 ] ●● is that LUCAS JADE ZUMANN ? no, that’s just SIMON ARMSTRONG , the 16 year old CISMALE who is a HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR. some say they’re NERVOUS AND AWKWARD, but their family and friends will swear they’re INTELLIGENT AND COMPASSIONATE. when i think of them, i think of the smell of books, fingers indented by violin strings, freshly dusted spelling bee trophies, wrinkled noses, ironed socks, ink stained fingers, and notebooks filled with doodles. i wonder if their family know that HE is hiding that HE’S QUESTIONING HIS SEXUALITY. ●● ( pepper && twenty two && est && she/her )

BIO(ISH)

tl;dr he’s a soft anxious overachieving nerd who likes to draw. that’s it, that’s really it idk why i took so long to say that sdkjsdkj

here is an aesthetic moodboard for simon and here and here are a few personality one’s with gifs! also here is his pinterest board

inspired by: seth cohen, stiles stilinski, amy santiago, hermione granger (and a bit of neville longbottom i’m ngl), spencer reid.

simon has always been a bit high strung tbh i’m ngl. he was the kid on the playground who was always a bit too mature for the kids around him in the way that he’d be like five and stressing about his potential career paths or the state of global warming yk, always kind of had conversations with grown adults that made them do a double take just because very adult conversation coming out of a tiny kid can be kind of startling. that said, he never really quite fit in with his peers because of that, i feel like he may have even been bullied for it a bit in the past. he was definitely that kid who reminded the teacher about the homework i am not going to lie to you.

simon always took academics extremely seriously. he always puts pressure on himself to be perfect and get straight a’s and he is like the definition of a try hard, simon tries hard at freaking everything. his hard work pays off though, he’s been at the top of the honour roll for the past few years and he’s got more spelling bee, science fair, debate, and decathlon trophies decorating his room than he knows what to do with.

(not one for any athletics though,,, physical exercise was never simon’s strong suit)

also plays the violin and the piano, again, more evidence of him being a huge overachiever. he is actually quite talented honestly but he isn’t really incredibly passionate about either instrument.

simon has asthma, is allergic to bees, has sleep paralysis and pretty bad anxiety. he used to get panic attacks as a child and while he hasn’t quite grown out of it, it’s not nearly as bad now. i feel like he is on medication for it though and he may even go to therapy.

afraid of abandonment (irrational because i’m pretty sure he’s never been abandoned but it’s there) and he’s also afraid of failure, of being a disappointment to his family, of never living up to his potential (when he was younger he was advanced for his age academically so he has skipped a grade.) he fears that he’s a disappointment to his parents as a son considering he is the farthest thing one can be from a potential fbi agent, and considering he can’t even do a lap without wheezing he doesn’t think he ever will be, but he is trying to aim for forensics instead of anything in the actual field anywhere close to actual danger. kind of insecure despite his success and low, low, low, low low key kind of feels like the kid his dad brought home might be his new replacement as a son.

one of his closest friends is the school guidance counselor atm. think edge of seventeen. he just goes in there, eats his lunch and talks to her about everything that’s going on with his life like it’s cheap therapy.

wants to go to harvard and is a big ball of stress over it currently. he’s hit a whole new level of academic intensity and his sexuality crisis is not helping in the slightest, but it is very much happening and he doesn’t know what the hell to do about it thanks for asking. he may be bi or gay or pan or none of the above, he’s not sure and he’s not thinking about it because he doesn’t have time to be questioning his sexuality when college admissions are rearing their ugly head.

a big introvert. can occasionally be very witty and funny if he’s comfortable you but if he’s not he tends to just be quiet and kind of awkward. tends to enjoy to spend a lot of time alone in his room playing animal crossing, or indulging in a very private hobby, drawing.

simon has always loved art and comics and drawing but he knows they’re kind of pointless passions, like realistically he doesn’t think he will even actually become a comic book artist the odds are too low. and yet that hasn’t stopped him from doing it. drawing is really one of the only things that really calms his anxiety, and that he really enjoys doing. that and reading. so simon has secretly been drawing a comic. he hasn’t really shared it with anybody and would die if anyone found out about it. here is a moodboard for the comic (he’s going by the pen name orion kace like the nerd he is) and here are some headcannons about it.

honestly a big sap. like lilo and stitch can still make him tear up even if he won’t admit it dkjdkj. he’s got a soft heart and kind of just wants to make sure everybody’s okay tbh. tends to worry more than he lets on which is saying something because he worries outwardly a lot too.

can be very tempermental/moody and selfish though, especially when stressed. he gets to a very self centered ‘woe is me i’m the only one with problems’ place when he’s stressed out.

a big ass nerd! i feel that goes without saying but loves comics books, loves star wars, harry potter, and could probably recite the opening scene of game of thrones yk, that kind of nerd.

has never gone to a party. has never smoked weed. has never snuck out. has never tasted more than a sip of alcohol. honestly, simon hasn’t done anything, and he’s okay with that.

i think that’s it omg tHAT’S PROBABLY IT.

WANTED CONNECTIONS ;

best friends - i feel like at least two of these would be fun! a little squad for my lonely boy (2/2) cailin, john

childhood friends - i will give you my left arm for a childhood friends plot. unlikely friends maybe? or just two nerds being dweebs together? friends who are still close as hell friends who had a falling out or just grew apart, idc i love it all please give it to me. cailin

the ex - i feel like simon maybe had ONE relationship in his lifetime if that and relationship might be stretching things. they could have held hands on the playground when they were six or dated in middle school (do you like me check yes or no sdkjsdk) kind of think like it could be that or it could be a high school thing, once again idc give it to me.

student - someone who simon tutors maybe? simon is probably volunteering to do it to look good on his uni application so Yes free tutoring from your local nerd. skylar, aria,

crush - like i said simon is questioning his sexuality so if anybody wants to volunteer to be the boy that simon has an inconvenient crush on please be my guest. scout

rival - an academic rival would be !!! so fun, because simon is lowkey quite competitive so this could be a really interesting connection. farrah

mentor - someone who simon looks up to a whole lot. this would likely have to be someone either really cool or really nerdy and this is open to older muses mostly, just older than simon tbh ajax

bad influence - someone who will get this boy to live a little! maybe drag him out to a party, get him a joint, get him drunk, the works! leo, andrew

those are just some ideas but ofc like this if you want to plot and i will come running! okay thank

#ashcroftintro.#s.a. | intro.#wow i can't believe how long this took amazing dkdfn #sORRY Y'ALL BUT I'M HERE AND READY TO PLOT NOW

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doomedandstoned · 5 years

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Closer To The End (part II)

~By Billy Goate~

Art by Ruso Tsig

Everyone has bouts of sadness, loneliness, heartache. For better or worse, it's a part of the human condition. There was some discussion after my last article about whether depression is something we can choose to walk into or away from -- like a bad attitude -- or whether in some people it may be more deeply ingrained in the psychological makeup, whether by nature or nurture. I thought it would be helpful to give you a window into my own background so you can understand when depression first made itself manifest and the different strategies taken to deal with it over the years.

Banished from this world, and from its toil I can only watch, grieve and pity Stare at stupid likes, wonder at people's smiles

I get more and more stress Nothing anyone can offer, more or less Done grieving, closer to the end

DON'T KNOW WHY

I vaguely recall spells of melancholy in childhood. The return from summer camp to a boring home with mom vacuuming and dad at work had me feeling quite empty and blue. It was a strange, bewildering state of mind to be in. Mom told me to snap out of it or else. There were a few moments that shattered my reality as a child. Realizing, for instance, that mom and dad were having marital problems. Hearing my pastor of a father say a swear word. Often, I would be startled awake in the dead of night to my mom shrieking at my dad, throwing dishes, insisting that he was against her. My dad was a patient man and knew that all was not right in her world. These things jolted me into new layers of reality, each accompanied by periods of moodiness and anxiety.

By the time I was in the 4th grade, I started having trouble in school. I was placed in one of those "talented and gifted" programs, though I never really understood why. I knew I couldn't see what my teachers were writing on the chalkboard. Panicked, I would ask students nearby what the hell the teacher was writing, only to be scolded for distracting the class. One particular teacher was downright mean to me, until she found out that I was having vision problems and needed glasses. Once she realized I was also the son of a preacher man, she tripped all over herself to be kind. Maybe she felt guilty?

Something else odd happened around this time. I came home with division homework one day and just decided not to do it. I don't remember if it was because my parents were too busy to help or I was just too stubborn to ask. There was no rational reason for it. The next day, I was shamed in front of the entire class by an Admiral Ackbar looking mother fucker named Mr. Davis. "Billy Joe, why didn't you do your homework?" he demanded. "Why?" His hand lifted my chin, forcing me to stare up into his beady little eyes peering menacingly behind his spectacles. Mr. Davis' rosy complexion turned beat red when I answered: "I...don't know."

I don't know anything I don't know anything I don't know anything I don't know who I am

I don't know anything I don't know anything I don't know anything I don't know who to be

SATANIC PANIC

My parents were tethered to a particularly pernicious strain of fundamentalist Christianity that got caught up in the "Satanic Panic" of the 1980s. That meant no D&D for me! Urban legends were shared in Sunday school and from the pulpit about young people who had necked because their character "died" in this forbidden game. It was the most sinister proxy for evil that I could envision at that time.

The Satanic Panic put everything else under the microscope: toys, comic books, and popular music were all suspect. A copy of Phil Phillip's 1986 "expose" Turmoil In The Toybox lay on the coffee table, pages well-worn and highlighted. He-Man, G.I. Joe, even Star Wars were viewed as tools of the Devil to recruit a desensitized generation of youth into his heathen horde. I'd wake up from one day to learn about something else I couldn't have, play, watch, or do. Video games would not be far behind.

One day, my mother caught me rocking out to the Scorpions in my room and immediately confiscated my radio, outlawing metal from the house (and basically anything with a rock 'n' roll beat). MTV lasted only long enough for me to be exposed to Metallica's visceral "One" and Guns 'n' Roses' "Welcome To The Jungle." While the classic days of rock's infancy were viewed as a time of innocence (I don't think my folks really got what "Blueberry Hill" by Fats Domino was about), anything stemming from the late '60s counterculture forward was viewed as dangerously corrupting.

Various factions within the church began playing games of connect-the-dots with the songs of Jefferson Airplane, Led Zeppelin, and Black Sabbath, tying them into a subservice plot by Luciferian cults and the shadowy elite (at that time Communists -- a favorite boogeyman of the era) who were trying to undermine undermining of God, family, and country by subverting its youth. All of popular culture was roped in with the conspiracy, too. Though the house was cleansed of its ungodly influence, the worst was still ahead.

Soon, my mother started cutting me off from neighborhood friends and finally pulled me out of public school altogether around middle of 5th grade. She had learned about this radical new response to America's failing education system through friends from another church who had just taken their own children out of school. Emboldened, she began homeschooling us in West Texas in the mid '80s, during a time when it wasn't a clearly legal practice. Every time the doorbell rang my siblings and I would run and hide, thinking the truant officer had come to take us away to foster care. I didn't understand at the time what I do now: my mother was mentally ill. Furthermore, she was in over her head. This became apparent when she tried to take on the role of teacher.

While I am extraordinarily grateful for the year or two of solid education she gave me (particularly in the writing and public speaking departments, two areas she and my father were naturally gifted in and which have been the buttress of my career), it wasn't long until she became frustrated with the Abeka and Bob Jones University curriculum we were using. One day, when I was struggling with algebra, she declared that we wouldn't have to learn it. "After all, who actually uses algebra in daily life?" she wondered. We were now self-directed learners, a radical new idea that was controversial even in the homeschooling movement ("un-schooling," they called it). Of course, I wasn't allowed to just sit around and watch TV. Consequently, I shifted my focus to the things that were more interesting to me: music, art, history. Math and science? Not so much.

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME

For years, I remained blithely unaware of what was happening in the world around me in the world of music. I lived in Arlington during the rise of Pantera, Topeka during one of Guns ‘n’ Roses most controversial shows, and Oregon during the height of the grunge era and the sunsetting of the Grateful Dead -- all of it veiled from notice. My life was devoted to church and, if anything, I tried to convince fellow Christians to separate themselves from the tainted allure of the fool’s gold of popular music, television, and video games. For a while, I was a true believer. Call it Stockholm Syndrome, if you like. Infractions of the moral code -- and the slightest temperament of rebellion -- were met with a freshly cut switch, which would leave stinging welts up and down my calves, tights, arms, and back. Thus my conscience was conditioned.

I remember happening upon the pornographic scene in George Orwell’s 1984 and afterwards feeling that the only right and proper thing to assuage my guilt was to burn the everlasting shit out of this smut. Even then I loved the novel, but I couldn't reconcile my faith with this section of it, so I purged it in the flame of backyard trash barrels. At my most fervent, I also lit the match to a stack of MAD Magazines and comic books. As harmless as they might have seemed to the average Joe blinded to the wiles of the Devil, these were gateways into realms of the flesh. “Walk in the spirit, not the flesh,” I recited to myself as fire brandished the yellowed pages of print, slowly turning them black until they were embers caught up by the wind and scattered into the sky. True story: I once threw away a perfectly good copy of Downward Spiral after one hearing the demonic screams of "Becoming" (not to mention the brash blasphemy of "Heretic").

The me that you know doesn't come around much That part of me isn't here anymore

The me that you know is now made up of wires And even when I'm right with you I'm so far away

This kind of extreme separation from the world really fucked me up socially. For years, I couldn't hold on a conversation with another person my age. What would we talk about? I was clueless about anything happening in the world of sports, music, television, or the culture at large. Even though conversation is no longer a problem for me, I still feel odd about friendships. I have an irrational fear that they're going to be taken away from me at any moment, so I keep everyone at a comfortable arm's length. At times, intimacy feels painfully awkward.

Maybe this is why I'm so notorious for leaving shows immediately following the last song. I’ll give my smiles, shake hands, and say goodbye, but avoid sticking around long enough to really get to know people. I’ve been invited to crash on couches to avoid the long drive home, but I always politely decline. Certainly, I don’t want to come across as rude, I just feel like an outsider to the world -- someone who just doesn’t fit in, doesn't belong. Not now, not ever.

TEENAGE ANGST HAS PAID OFF WELL

As I reached my adolescent years, I began going through prolonged spells of melancholy. The prospect of sharing this with others was extraordinarily embarrassing, so I kept it all bottled up inside. Mostly, I tried walking it out on long excursions through the open field next to our house. I worked through a lot of issues during that time and credit those walks with helping me to keep my sanity. As a matter of fact, I recommend daily constitutionals to everyone as a general principle of good mental health. It would be a mistake not to mention that my belief in an omnipresent God at this time played a medicinal role in helping me to cope with my depression, though my views on religion would one day reverse course.

By 18, symptoms of major depression surfaced like a noxious weed and even God could not get me through it. I prayed, too. God, how I prayed, sometimes hours on end. That year, I fell into a downcast mood that refused to dissipate and remained there for months -- four of them straight. I sought refuge in the music of Tchaikovsky, working my way from the fateful Symphony No. 4 to his Symphony No. 6, the Pathétique. The sounds I was hearing tapped into a new emotional alphabet, impossible to transcribe into any tongue. It was remarkable: somehow the music knew precisely what I was feeling. I finally had a soundtrack to my depression.

One day, a buddy and I joined the military on a whim, though he'd later get disqualified for asthma. I felt the Army would provide a much needed "Be All You Can Be" boost to my confidence and a crash course in normie life. I shipped down range to my duty station, Fort Benning, Georgia, for infantry training. My new home would be with Charlie Company, 2nd Battalion, 58th Infantry Regiment -- the infamous "House of Pain." In the space of 14 weeks, I was exposed to every aspect of humanity imaginable. From the "shark attack" welcome of the drill sergeants on Sand Hill to the rude middle of the night awakenings for physical training, I was in shock most of the time. Slowly, though, I eased into this strange new world and got my bearings.

Almost a full month into this prison world, we were allowed to visit one of the on-base shopping exchanges. I immediately looked for a CD player and began checking out the music section, trying to see if there were names I recognized. "Guns 'n' Roses? Sure they're cool," shrugged my buddy Bradley, a floppy-eared Gomer Pyle looking dude. "But you really need to check out some Soundgarden, dude." I did, picking up their latest, Down On The Upside, and it was like salve to my soul. The music spoke of being trapped ("...and I don't like what you've got me hanging from") and being eternally at odds with the world ("Born without a friend and bound to die alone"). There was even a song about "Boot Camp," the short album closer. The nihilistic despair was strangely comforting.

I must obey the rules I must be tame and cool No staring at the clouds I must stay on the ground In clusters of the mice The smoke is in our eyes Like babies on display Like Angels in a cage I must be pure and true I must contain my views There must be something else There must be something good far away Far away from here And I'll be there for good For good

The song did not resolve happily, and I feared my life wouldn't either. After a serious injury left me permanently wounded, I began to feel my life wasn't being guided by the Hand of God of all, but the random throes of Fate. Maybe they were the same thing. I resigned myself to the misery of a long recovery, during which time I had to learn to walk again. It's a three beer kind of story, maybe I'll share it sometime. Probably not. Returning to civilian life proved to be even more of an adjustment than the military had been, and my shadows of depression lingered with me even as I tried to remain one step ahead of them.

MELANCHOLIA

I have long held a theory that human beings are not built for the world that we have constructed for ourselves. Whether we're talking Seattle traffic or the constant buzz of social media, the frantic pace of our rapidly evolving technocracy has left us a worried, frazzled mess. The studies are conclusive: almost one in five have experienced depression and one in four struggle with anxiety, with PTSD being a household acronym.

A counselor once asked if I enjoyed being depressed. I found it a bit of a repulsive question. I can tell you that there is nothing glamorous about depression. There's no reason to idolize the angst of those sad Kurt Cobain eyes. Everyone has experienced feelings of being bummed out, and for most folks it is a transitory feeling. It comes when one of life's storms arises and leaves when the situation resolves itself. There's a whole section of us, however, for whom the dark clouds never leaves. It just hovers around our heads, like the oppressive, low-hanging specter of an Oregon winter.

Depression isn't always about feeling sad, either. Often it manifests in a general malaise -- you can't bring yourself to care about the things you used to. Other times, it works in tandem with anxiety, seizing your heart at the thought of all the day holds in store, then punishing you with the feeling of dread. We may feel sad, anxious, or fearful and not be able to give a rational explanation for it. In those moments, I cannot imagine a more miserable place to be. With that said, I hasten to add that my description of depression may not align with your own, as it is an intensely personal experience.

Release your head from the world Keep yourself underground No one understands your mind

Humans programmed like robots Making sure you don't belong No one understands your mind

I suspected I had depression in the clinical sense, when I realized that though I wanted to feel better, all I could do was subsist in the misery. Those of you who've been able to talk yourself out of such states will scoff. My mother, who suffers from a host of afflictions that have never been properly diagnosed, was notorious for telling us kids to "snap out of it." I do understand that kind of no-nonsense perspective. Her father and mother were staunchly independent homesteaders of the WWII generation who braved the untamed wilderness of Alaska and the exotic dangers of Australia. The '60s and '70s generation grew up fearful of losing such independence to mental institutions that locked up people, merely because they acted in ways society didn’t understand. The stigma of psychiatric care was every bit as real as the stigma of mental illness. Thus, her approach was quite practical: take Saint John's Wort, get on a good diet of vegetables and fruits, drink plenty of water, get fresh air and exercise. If that doesn’t work, there’s always Jesus.

Despite plenty of prayer and a multitude of home remedies, depression continued plaguing my mind. People frustrated by what they viewed as an easy fix would imply that depressed folk like me just wanted to be depressed, maybe because it got them attention or they were just spoiled rotten. Soon I stopped sharing altogether. As one friend of mine, a real no-nonsense type, told me: “No one cares. You have to get on with your life.” “How do you manage that?” I asked. “What's your secret?” “You just have to shrug it off,” she concluded. I envied the cold, pragmatic stoicism and wished that I could just shrug my shoulders and let everything slide off. At one point, my depression was so acute, I looked into electroconvulsive therapy, memory loss be damned. During my consultation with a specialist, I learned the procedure had advanced since Jack Nicholson’s unfortunate end as a mental patient in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Ultimately, I decided against it.

SEARCH FOR ANSWERS

As with most human situations, our problems stem from a complex mixture of nature and nurture. I posed a question to my psychology professor one day: "Does depression cause us to think depressing thoughts or do depressing thoughts cause us to be in a state of depression?" His answer surprised and relieved me. "Both," he said.

In Psychology 202, we were in the midst of a chapter on depression and other mental disorders. Having recently experienced the loss of my grandmother, I was feeling especially hopeless and decided to ask my prof another burning question at the end of class. "If a person were to see a therapist, does it go on his record?" In my mind, counseling was for the weak and hideously broken. "Not at all," he responded with a smile. "Even psychologists seek help from other psychologists for their depression and anxiety." Then he really blew my mind: "I have a therapist myself. See her once a month. Sort through a lot of life decisions that way." He also assured me that there was no master file of such visits. While a therapist might keep her own notes, it's certainly not something shared with employers and as a rule is kept strictly confidential, as are all medical records.

My first visit to a counselor was nothing like I'd imagined. I wasn't given pills, invited to lay on a couch and look at ink blots, or even asked questions about my parents. Instead, the counselor initiated an open-ended conversation that encouraged me to articulate the tangled mess of thoughts and feelings I'd been bottling up inside. It was the first time I'd ever talked about my experiences in the military or about the emotional upheaval of my childhood. I felt liberated after just a few weeks of these sessions. For a time, I felt very much on top of my problems. Maybe this counseling thing wasn't so bad after all. I even began to recommend it to my friends and stood up for psychologists when mom would bash the profession in one of her trademark rants.

Promises abound You rarely find it to begin Maybe I'm afraid To let you all the way in

I excuse myself I'm used to my little cell I amuse myself In my very own private hell

I noticed a pattern to my depression: it seemed to be triggered by situations in which I felt helplessly incapable of controlling my environment, decisions, and destiny. You know, other people taking advantage of me, a nightmare roommate, an overbearing boss, unrequited love -- that sort of thing. It was like a switch flipped and all of the sudden the feelings flooded in and surrounded me for days, even weeks.

Feelings of loneliness and disquiet were often compounded by negative thinking about the situation. "What's wrong with me that I can't find someone to be with? Am I that unattractive or uninteresting?" The negative self-talk wasn't helping my situation. In some ways, it even turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'd walk around with a scowl on my face, prompting friends and family to constantly ask, "What's wrong? Is everything ok?" That's why I realized it may take more muscles to frown than to smile, but that undersmile sure is a lot more comfortable. No wonder people kept themselves at bay.

I actually started practicing my smile in the rearview mirror on the way to school every day, just so I remembered what that felt like. Fake it 'til you make it, the saying goes. Even if I was feeling like a miserable wretch inside, I certainly didn't want to betray those feelings to the world outside. So I got good at being a fake. When people asked, "How's it going?" I'd say, "Fine, just fine, thanks. And you?" (One of my counselors would later call me on that every session: "How are things really?").

When I got married, depression reached peak levels, only now that oppressive, low-hanging cold front wouldn't burn off with the sunshine. The mood never lifted. It was with me 24-7. It wasn't unusual for me to be severely depressed during the normally halcyon days of summer. I knew something had to be done, so I confronted another long-time stigma of mine: medication.

To be continued...

This whole house of cards crumbling slow If I disappear would you even know? The trap is time and no one gets off of this ride alive

So far under Too much pain to tell And now I'm ripped asunder So far under

#Closer To The End #Depression #Suicide #Doom #Alice in Chains #Mad Season #Nine Inch Nails #Prong #Saint Vitus #Soundgarden #Doomed & Stoned

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