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ootahime · 3 years

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analyzing every gojohime moment in the manga 😈

this series will probably have more than one part because tumblr only lets me upload ten images per post </3

warning: there are disgustingly long paragraphs in here and delusions

chapter 32

utahime’s first introduction! akutami lets us know right off the bat that she thinks gojo is an idiot (so true).

chapter 32

i love the contrast between miwa and utahime’s reaction to gojo’s appearance.

chapter 33

NAH BC TELL ME WHY HE WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO NOT GET HER ONE LMAOOOO!! when he traveled overseas to meet with yuta, he picked up the tribal protection charms and thought to himself, “let’s get enough for the kyoto students as a gift since i am such a great and caring teacher, after all. mmm, i should skip utahime to make her mad~” this guy puts way too much effort into getting on her nerves. his mind = utahime brainrot

chapter 33

she’s laughing at him here because he’s getting disciplined for being a lil shit. i wonder...what would he say if he saw her laughing at him like that?

chapter 33

this interaction between them is a little strange don’t you think? i feel like over the years he’s learned how to pick up her mood based on the way she’s acting towards him. you’re probably thinking, “well any person can figure out how a person’s feeling based on the way they’re talking or acting.” yes, that’s absolutely true, but it’s kind of different with this. she’s acting normal. utahime has a rather indifferent expression on her face and what she says is spoken in a calm tone, but gojo still asks her if she’s mad at him. it’s likely that he knows her well enough to be able to notice these subtle things. even if she wasn’t actually mad at him, he was being considerate for a split second, then he went and said, “of course. i didn’t do anything wrong and all.” what a guy LOLOL. to me, this implies that maybe he made her genuinely angry in the past to the point where he realized that he went too far, and thus decided to be more careful of her feelings. she has definitely gotten annoyed at him so many times after that so whenever she seems angry, he probably asks himself if he took it too far. i’m curious to see if he can pick up if she’s upset with something that’s not involving him. would he console her? how does gojo satoru console someone?

despite him always annoying her, she’s still courteous and brings him a cup of tea during their talk. she didn’t have to go out of her way to get tea for him but she did. that’s the kind of person utahime is. a kind and caring woman who would never put her students in danger. in the anime they were sitting far away and not facing each other like they’re doing in the manga. she also has her own tea cup. i think that little panel of her placing the cup down on the table and him picking it up to take a sip is a nice little detail. it just proves that her hating him most of the time isn’t actually pure hatred but annoyance because of his shenanigans and teasing.

chapter 33

i touched upon this a little bit in my previous post, but i wish to go more in depth about this panel. first of all, he ends the sentence with her name twice. two times too many, mr. gojo. i like how they can be serious with each other too LOL. i wish we got to see them talk about the traitors because they did figure it out together after all. does it always end in bickering? can they interact with each other like adults all the way through? somehow, i feel like that’s not possible when it comes to these two. furthermore, notice how gojo confides in utahime about his suspicions. from what we know, she is the first person he brought it up to. i mean, i guess he has to start investigating the schools and would need extra assistance to save time, but he could have done it himself if he really wanted to. by deciding to ask for her help we know that he thinks she’s trustworthy, smart, and strong enough to face whatever considerable risks this task may entail.

i didn’t point this out in my other posts but see how he makes a hand sign in the last panel when she throws the cup at him? gojo is manually activating his infinity. why though? about a year after the whole star plasma vessel incident happened, gojo develops the ability to keep his infinity up at all times by using the reversed curse technique to consistently heal himself to prevent exhaustion. this means that it really makes no difference whether he leaves it on or off. there are a few times where we can witness someone actually touching gojo. for example, yuuji giving him a hug. did he turn his infinity off, or was it able to deduce that yuuji was not a threat? the erasers and pencils shoko and geto threw at him during his demonstration of his new ability aren’t dangerous normally, but is it the speed that makes them dangerous? even if it did hit him, it wouldn’t hurt. how does the infinity know when to allow an incoming object to touch gojo? i believe it is up to gojo himself to let things touch him; his infinity restricts anything and anyone. some people say it could just be the fact that water is not dangerous to him, so therefore, he has to manually put his infinity up. i thought this was a reasonable explanation as to why he put up the hand sign when the tea was thrown at him, but then i realized that it couldn’t be. remember the second opening? it’s raining and everyone is carrying an umbrella, then it pans to gojo with a bouquet in his hand and rain drops slipping off his infinity. if he DID manually put his infinity up to prevent getting soaked then that implies that he chose to turn his infinity off. you can argue and say that jujutsu high is a safe place with students so there’s no need to have his infinity there, but do you remember when he stepped on the ants in front of gakuganji and yaga? the ants were perfectly fine after which insinuates that his infinity prevented his shoes from crushing the ants. he most likely had his infinity on during the baseball game even though he was in a safe environment. how does this long tangent relate back to utahime? well, it simply indicates that gojo trusts utahime so much to the point where he can be vulnerable around her. turning off his infinity symbolizes completely letting down his guard in a way.

how about what happens next? utahime throws the tea at him, he turns on his infinity to deflect it, and he responds with, “scary! hysteric women aren’t popular, you know!” why would he even say that LMAO?? utahime doesn’t even try to deny what he said either. she just hits him with the good old, “i am your senpai!” could it be that he’s trying to poke fun of her relationship status? maybe, maybe not. doesn’t he like people a lil crazy? he did say that all jujutsu sorcerers have to be a little crazy because they’re willing to put themselves in danger constantly.

chapter 0 p.1

i wonder who he’s thinking of when he said that. could it be utahime? it seems like he’s reminiscing or thinking about someone. he wears an amused expression on his face as he laughs - almost like he’s seen his fair share of how scary women can get :>>

chapter 34

the pattern behind gojo and utahime is called yagasuri “fletching,” a traditional japanese design. this design is inspired by arrow fletching. it's a lucky charm for weddings and other celebrations since it's based on the Japanese belief that an arrow shot once never comes back. brides were given kimonos with this pattern for good luck during the edo era (1603–1868) to ensure they would not have to return to their original family home. this pattern can have numerous meanings such as steadfastness or determination to achieve a goal, or a wish for the happiness of the bride. there is a belief that a bow and arrow represent the fight against evil. honestly, this meaning fits the narrative of the story. utahime and gojo are unearthing the traitors that are feeding intel to the curse users and cursed spirits. they are in the middle while the kyoto students surround them, which could mean that it’s their job as adults to protect these children from the grasps of evil slowly making itself more prominent. do you also notice that the arrows are pointed toward utahime from gojo? from all the images i’ve seen, the arrows are usually pointed downward. what could this mean? is gojo trying to protect her (in the future (?)) or does he have a big fat crush smh...

i think it’s a good time to mention utahime’s clothing. she’s wearing miko attire. miko are shrine maidens who were once thought to be shamans (you connecting the dots?). in their service to shrines, miko used to perform spirit possession and takusen (in which the possessed person acts as a "medium" (yorimashi) to communicate the divine will or message of that kami (god) or spirit; also included in the category of takusen is "dream revelation" (mukoku), in which a kami appears in a dream to communicate its will). this was back in the old days, of course. to become a miko back then (shaman), one needed to have potential. neurosis, hallucinations, odd behavior, and hysteria (HYSTERIA HELLO???) are some of the signs that a person is being called to shamanism. when a miko is communicating with a kami (god) or spirit by acting as a medium, she is in a trance-like state, and so she must learn techniques to control herself when this happens. chanting and dancing were used to accomplish this, so the girl was taught melodies and intonations that were used in songs, prayers, and magical formulas. all of this could give us insight about utahime’s technique and explains why she’s good at singing :) maybe she can’t control herself when she uses her technique which is why she isn’t shown using it because it should be used for dire situations. i imagine being possessed by a spirit or god must consume a lot of cursed energy. it makes sense that utahime and gakuganji wear traditional clothing. they’re the staff of jujutsu high’s kyoto branch. in chapter 0, kyoto is known as the sacred land of jujutsu. it’s more traditional compared to tokyo. if you want to learn more about miko, you should check out the wikipedia page!

chapter 34

i swear he tries to annoy her every chance he gets. i bet he sets a goal for himself to see how many times utahime lectures him about respecting his seniors every time he’s within the same vicinity as her. at least he called her utahime-sensei!!!

chapter 40

this isn’t even a gojohime moment tbh...i just wanted to share a pic of them sitting next to each other HEHE. why are they sitting next to each other anyway? it’s not like they have assigned seating.

----

that was so long and i apologize for the gargantuan paragraphs you guys had to read through. i’m writing this at 4 in the morning and i’m feeling borderline delirious so i apologize if there are any errors. i’ll edit this when i have time <3

the next part should come shortly.

#gojohime #gouta #gojo x utahime

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stardustprompts · 3 years

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the burning god - r.f kuang sentence starters change tenses/pronouns as needed !! some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying tw : ptsd , addiction , death , murder , nsfw , language

‘do you think I’d ever let anything happen to you?’

‘you’re terrified. that’s why you’re fidgeting. you’re scared.’

‘soldiers are worth more than civilians, it’s just math.’

‘don’t cut off the head of the snake if you can tame it.’

‘none of this— our villages, our people, our freedom— will survive under their intended world order’

‘i’m the least terrible option you’ve got.’

‘I don’t mean to call you stupid, because I love you, but that plan is so stupid.’

‘i’m not sorry for this. you shouldn’t have gotten in my way.’

‘that wasn’t an insult. just being frank.’

‘they’re bullies. weakness is what they want to see.’

‘bad moral is a big weapon. don’t underestimate it.’

‘i’ve gotten you this far. trust me just a little longer.’

‘i’m not crazy right? this is clearly a trap?’

‘how do you think history will judge me if I throw away it’s fate for one person?’

‘it felt like you’d put the universe back in place. like you were balancing the scales. didn’t it?’

‘you don’t fix hurts by pretending they never happened. you treat them like infected wounds and then, maybe, you have a chance to heal.’

‘it’s not justice, it’s chaos.’

‘this is a revolution. it’s not a fucking tea party.’

‘cut me a fucking break. i’ve been fleeing for my life.’

‘I shouldn’t have counted on his virtue. but he didn’t count on my survival.’

‘they’re never gone. do you understand? they still come for you in your sleep. only this time they’re dream-wraiths, not real, and there’s no escape from them because they’re living in your own mind.’

‘your pain will always be mine.’

‘i’m not living my whole life like a beast on a leash.’

‘I should kill you. why can’t I kill you?’

‘you don’t behave rationally around her, you never do.’

‘’all right’ is not a term anyone would use to describe you.’

‘I used to hate myself for living, too. I didn’t think it was fair that I’d survived. that others had died in my place.’

‘it’s not fair. I should be in the ground with them.’

‘it doesn’t go away. It never will. but when it hurts, lean into it.’

‘this life you’ve chosen, you won’t get many moments like this again. but it’s the nights like this that keep you alive.’

‘give up, darling. trust me, this is easier. this is so much easier.’

‘you know, I think I’ve figured out where you get all that self - righteousness.’

‘their blood is on you. you killed them.’

‘I hate you. I wish we were all dead.’

‘do you think he loved you? do you think he ever loved you?’

‘this story will end. the way it was always meant to.’

‘I just want to sit for a second. in peace. can I do that?’

‘I don’t know, I thought maybe— maybe they’d realize that they need me.’

‘you are so bad at this. it’s cute.’

‘people are attracted to power, darling. they can’t help themselves. power seduces. exert it, make a show of it, and they’ll follow you.’

‘I killed him. and I don’t feel bad about it.’

‘stop pretending to care about ethics, it’s embarrassing.’

‘at some point, you’ll have to convince yourself that you’re above right and wrong. morality doesn’t apply to you.’

‘fear turns into despair, despair to panic, and then panic into utter submission. it’s incredible, the power of psychological warfare.’

‘knowing what I’ve done? yes, it hurts. unlike anything you could ever imagine.’

‘they want to erase us. they want to make us better, to improve us, by turning us into a mirror of themselves.’

‘any culture or state that diverges is necessarily inferior. we are inferior, until we speak, dress, act, and worship just like them.’

‘people pay you less attention when you don’t leave a trail of bodies in your wake.’

‘i’m just telling you what’s right in front of you. you know I’m right.’

‘you seem to have mistaken me for a dullard.’

‘it’s a tragedy we’re on different sides. you know that. we would have been so good united.’

‘he’s tried a million different things to break me. but he should have remembered he never figured out how.’

‘lost my mind for a bit. just starting to get it back now.’

‘you think we should just surrender. that we’d be better off under their rule.’

‘that’s the implication of your logic. and I won’t accept that. I can’t.’

‘i’m sure you said whatever you needed to to get them off your back. I don’t care about that.’

‘everything you do convinces them you should not exist.’

‘I did what I had to do to give him the only chance at peace he’d ever get.’

‘you are the worst thing to happen to this country. these people deserve better than you.’

‘you were only ever fighting to survive. I was fighting to win.’

‘we don’t need peace right now. we need blood.’

‘I don’t know what’s insane anymore. I just hope you know what you’re doing.’

‘there is no turning back. i’ve waited too long for this.’

‘I can’t take that from him. not even if he’s happier like this.’

‘there’s more, there’s something you’re not telling me, I deserve to know.’

‘let go of the man you remember. you’re never going to get him back.’

‘in times like these, you can’t let sleeping threats lie.’

‘if we ever feared him, it was because he was great, and great rulers always inspire fear in the hearts of the weak.’

‘you don’t get to forget. whatever you did, you don’t deserve to forget.’

‘she’s not a person anymore. she’s rage.’

‘it’s not just about the enemy. it’s about what the world looks like after.’

‘you’re trying to protect your people. I understand that. but I’m trying to protect mine.’

‘i’m not crawling into oblivion with a whimper, and you should have known that before you came here.’

‘I don’t care what else happens up there. but you come back to me.’

‘what’s this? finally developing a conscience?’

‘I know what you did. I know everything. and I don’t care. the past doesn’t matter. ____ is in danger now, and I need you.’

‘nature can’t be altered. only held at bay.’

‘don’t take on the burden of an entire nation. it’s too heavy. and you aren’t strong enough.’

‘you should know by now that when you leave your enemies alive, wars don’t end.’

‘she told me I’ll never be afraid again.’

‘that’s power. and you’re not giving that up. I know you. you’re me.’

‘I know how humiliation feels. keep your secrets if you want. but there’s nothing you can say that will make me think any less of you.’

‘i’m not going to survive this war.’

‘do you want me to say I’m sorry?’

‘what did I tell you? you were never meant to serve.’

‘if you try that shit, I will kill you.’

‘good luck. don’t do anything stupid.’

‘keep down. and when you get the chance, run.’

‘you never want to hurt them. but you have to. you have to put them through hell, because that’s the only way anyone else will survive.’

‘I would have spared them if I could have.’

‘I wasn’t a person to you, I was a weapon, and you needed me to work.’

‘it’ll never stop hurting.’

‘you love them like your own family, and a knife twists in your heart every time you watch one of them die.’

‘see this through to the end. that’s the least you own to the dead.’

‘I wish things had been different.’

‘I so hate when you’re right.’

‘you kill me and you accomplish nothing. your world as you know it will end.’

‘i’m not going to kill you. you don’t deserve that.’

‘why does everyone think this war is over. am I the only one with eyes?’

‘it’s hard to prioritize the enemy that you can’t see.’

‘don’t call me crazy.’

‘you are being crazy. you’re acting like a fucking maniac. shut up for a moment and face the fucking facts.’

‘they can’t do this to me. I was supposed to win.’

‘we built an entire nation. we don’t have to let it collapse.’

‘what he wants is what we all want, which is to stop killing our own people.’

‘we’re about to have the world we fought for. can’t you see it? it’s so close, it’s just over the horizon.’

‘you can come back. I’ll bring you back. we’re in this together.’

‘we’re trying to broker a peace here. let’s not start off with death threats, shall we?’

‘i’m just trying to make this less painful for everyone involved.’

‘you can’t do this for me. I won’t let you.’

‘it’s not for you. it’s not a favor. it’s the cruelest thing I could do.’

#the poppy war series prompts #the burning god prompts #the burning god sentence starters #literature prompts #literature sentence starters #rp memes #rp prompts #rp sentence starters #weeeeeee I did it <3

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more-stuff-of-pi · 3 years

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I’ll Fight For You

a/n: lmao i swear i’m fine, just needed good ol’ kiri to assist me in a v self-indulgent fic. also, sorry for taking forever to write something yoinks

notes: did i read through this after i wrote it? nope. we’re fucking rolling with the audacity of not even a single ounce of beta-ing. requests are open :) find my masterlist here

pairing: kirishima eijirou x fem!reader | genre: angst (w/happy ending) / hurt/comfort | warnings: abusive mother (mental/verbal), a father who doesn’t intervene | word count: 2,018

Your boyfriend was practically vibrating with nerves as he adjusted his hair in the mirror. It was artfully piled on top of his head, his dark roots making a sharp contrast against the vibrant red.

“Ei,” you smiled, “you’re gonna be fine.”

He worried his sharp teeth against his bottom lip, frowning all the while. “But what if they--?”

“They’re going to love you, Ei. Probably even more than they love me,” you joke, coming up behind Eijirou’s monstrously large form. Hero work had been both kind and harsh on him but he made it look effortlessly good. You gently slid your arms around his waist as you angled yourself so that you could still eye his reflection.

“I’m just… worried, is all.”

You cock your eyebrow. “About what, Ei?”

He incredulously meets your gaze through the mirror. “What do you mean, about what?!”

It dawns on you a little bit. “Oh, well, she’s not going to be mean to you, Ei. She knows how to play nice when it counts. And you, good sir, count.”

“That’s not as reassuring as it is worrying, you know.”

“My mother is just a little intense, babe, it’s nothing I’m not used to. Like I said, she knows how to tone it down in front of others. I’m sure tonight will be fine. I probably just exaggerate everytime I whine about her, so she’s probably not even half as bad as I make her sound,” you shrug, leaning more into Eijirou’s side.

“Baby,” he sighs, twisting a little to look directly at you, no mirror this time. His eyes are sad yet firm as if wishing you to understand that there’s no need to defend yourself with him.

You squeeze him tighter before letting go and walking to the door. “C’mon, we’ll be late if we don’t leave now.”

❁

You always forget that you don’t really ever exaggerate your mother’s behavior towards you until you’re around her again. Everything as far as introducing your boyfriend to your parents has been going incredibly smoothly. Your dad enthusiastically engaged Eijirou in hero stories, talking about Red Riot’s most recent media appearance where he was dressed in pajamas and carrying tubs of various ice creams you both had wanted to try when he dropped everything to prevent a construction beam from falling on clueless bystanders. Only one tub of ice cream had survived and luck had it that it was your least favorite flavor combination. Your mother praised Eijirou for his success and his coupling good looks at which she winked, making your boyfriend flush both at the phrase and the uncomfortable comments your mother directed at him. You winced at that, having forgotten to prepare him for the habitual talent your mother had of sexualizing anything, especially if it would ‘embarrass’ her child.

Your mother had made off handed comments throughout the whole night that you seemed to be the only one to pick up on. Your dad might have noticed a few but, as usual, he only looked at you apologetically, never interrupting his wife to stand up for you.

As much as you loved both of your parents and as much as they had their good moments, this fucking sucked.

“--not that she’s any good with that quirk of hers, of course,” your mother snickered as she brought the glass to her lips. You had become a good actor over the years in order to avoid your mother’s bullying over your ‘sensitiveness’, but something about her dismissing your hard work always immediately dismantled whatever mask you had thrown on. To cover what you know must be a crestfallen look, you give a laugh, something that could be called half-hearted at best. Your eyes remained trained on your food. “Oh come on, Y/n, that was funny.”

You chuckled again, hoping to force some genuineness into it. “Yeah--”

“No, it wasn’t,” Eijirou immediately cuts you off, voice straining with anger. You felt your face drain of blood as you noticed how tightly he was gripping his chopsticks. He was fuming. You don’t think you’d ever seen him angry before. The thought scared you. “That was just mean.”

Your mother quirked an unimpressed, subtly pissed brow at your boyfriend. “Don’t be sensitive, Eijirou. House rules: if it’s mean but funny, it’s okay.”

“As long as you get a laugh from it, it’s okay to abuse your child?” He spits at her like venom.

Your mother sets her glass down, eyes narrowing. “Excuse me?”

“You heard--”

You slap a hand over Eijirou’s bicep, squeezing so hard you wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up bruising. “It’s fine! Nothing I’m used to! I grew up on the ‘if it’s mean but funny’ rule, so it’s fine.”

The look he gave you was of incredulous anger. “No, it is not--!”

“Please, Ei. Please, just--,” you averted your eyes, ashamed of your own familiar defeat. “Just sit.”

Shamefully, you slide back into your seat, nervously smoothing out a napkin back onto your lap. Eijirou still stood beside you, staring daggers at your mother who effortlessly returned it. His fists were balled, the veins in his hands flexing with the effort of restraining himself. His jaw snapped shut with an audible clamp as he resolved himself to sitting back down.

Your dad clears his throat, more so than necessary as if the harder he did it, the better he could dissipate the tension. “Done, everyone?” No one answers him. He takes that as the go ahead to begin clearing dishes, desperately jumping at the opportunity to escape your mother’s impending tantrum. You loved your dad very much but, god, he was nothing if not a coward, always leaving you to fight your own battles. You don’t think you’ve ever won.

Your mother returns her cold attention to you, the ice starting to thicken and your mother’s hollow kindness starting to retreat along with her patience. “What are you even doing to help train your quirk, sweetie?”

Taken aback, you met her gaze. “W-what do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t ever see you doing anything at all to help. You do realize that training takes work, right? What does it take? It takes--,” your mother trailed off, flourishing both hands to motion for you to finish the sentence.

“Effort--”

“Effort!” She clapped with your word. “It takes effort! And I only want the best for you, sweetheart, which is why I’m just asking what you’re doing. From where I stand, it doesn’t look like you’re doing anything at all to help improve yourself! As your mother, your concerned mother, I’m just looking out for you, sweetheart.”

Your mind is reeling at her words. You so badly want to defend yourself, assert all of the effort that you have painstakingly put in-- but you are reminded of the precise way your mother is able to leech any ounce of power or confidence from you. You would think that was her quirk if you didn’t know any better. “Mom, I am putting effort in, I train almost everyday--”

“Do you really?” Her voice drips with venomous shock. “It certainly doesn’t look like you do,” she gestures vaguely at you, eyeing your body with a vulture’s gaze. “Maybe you should consider morning and night. Oh! And a diet change, too. You know, since the popular heroes have a specific look to them and I just want to make sure that you can fit that. Since it’s your dream to be a popular hero. Like I said, you have to be willing to put in the effort. Oh, sweetie, don’t look at me like that. You know the difficult position I’m in! Trying to encourage you and help you achieve your dreams while not seeming too enthusiastic. You’re putting that stress on me, sweetie, I’m only trying to help.”

It really was incredible how quickly your mother could erase any confidence you had. Normally, you would stand beaming, more than happy to assert yourself and stand up for yourself and others. All it took was a couple words from your mother, and you turned into a dog with its head down and its tail between its legs, fearful of its master.

Your gut sank and hatred swirled throughout your body for both yourself and her as you once again let her have power over you. “You’re right. Sorry, Mom--”

“Do you know where your daughter ranks as a hero?”

Stunned, you both glanced at Eijirou, having almost completely forgotten that he was there. Throughout her tirade, you had felt a tragically familiar loneliness, used to having to defend yourself when no one, not even your other family members, would. Used to always submitting and used to the shame that always accompanied your forced silence.

“What?” She spat.

“I asked if you knew your daughter’s ranking. I just was wondering, is all. It would make sense if you weren’t aware that she ranks in the top 30 since you were asking about the effort she puts in. I would think that that accomplishment -- at such a young age, too, might I add -- was evidence enough of the countless hours, blood, sweat, and tears that she has poured into this. The effort she’s painstakingly put in. You’re right that being a hero is her dream, and she’s a damn good one, too. Saved my life more than once with ‘that quirk of hers’,” he sneered bitterly. “And, on top of that, she’s so beautiful through and through that sometimes it’s all I can do to stare at her in awe. Your thinly veiled shaming of her appearance is never the result of a mother’s so-called difficult situation, only the result of your own insecurities.”

Eijirou suddenly stands, having finally had more than enough for one night. “The only gratitude I will ever have towards you is for bringing this wonderful woman into this world. I hope one day you’ll actually realize how amazing your daughter is and how proud of her you ought to be. Because I am. I am so incredibly proud of her and her accomplishments and the results of her efforts.”

“And who’s to say that I’m not proud of her, Eijirou?”

He scoffs. Eijirou, the kindest, most patient man you know, scoffs in your mother’s face. “Haven’t you ever heard that actions speak louder than words?”

Your mother gapes up at him, opening and closing her mouth like a fish. In that moment, she resembles a fish and you couldn’t be more pleased with that comparison.

“He’s right, mom.” You rise to join him. “I know you love me. I have no choice but to believe it because I think it would destroy me if I didn’t. But maybe someday I won’t constantly have to defend myself to you and you’ll accept the things I say without dismissing them. You always say you admire me most for my assertiveness but you shut me down anytime I use it to stand up for myself against you. And that makes you nothing but a hypocrite.” You stare her down, reveling in the confidence Eijirou gives you in this thing against your mother. For the first time, you are not alone as you fight this battle. For the first time, you have help. And for the first time, you feel like you’ve won. “Now if you’ll excuse us.”

You take Eijirou’s hand and lead him out of the house, leaving your parents to stare after you in shock. As soon as you make it out, cold air hits you like a slap in the face that harshly wakes you from a daze.

“Holy shit, Ei, did I just stand up to my mom?”

He laughs and squeezes your hand. “It was pretty manly, too.” You laugh breathlessly, still in disbelief as you push your other fist against his arm. “And you know,” he continues, “that I’m the best judge of that.”

“That must mean a lot,” you grin, swinging your linked hands between you as you walk further from your parents’ home, feeling the fullness of a good meal and a battle won.

taglist: @samwrights, @mayaoliviee, @luluwiie, @gigglyparker (i thought i would tag you since you commented on the draft that i posted of this, hope you don’t mind <3)

#i'll fight for you #kirishima eijirou x reader #kirishima x reader #bnha x reader #hurt/comfort #abusive mother tw #tw abusive mother #mha x reader #bro this fic lowkey fvcking sucks lmao so sorry that this is the first thing you see from me in a while #like it just feels really rushed which it probably is but it's incredibly self-indulgent and it fulfills my purposes so it's good enough #for me that is

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astaroth1357 · 4 years

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The Demon Brothers (Minus Asmo) at Their Worst Pt. 1 (Lucifer, Mammon, Levi)

To the anons who gave me this idea, here it is. Unfortunately, I can’t say I’m all that happy to bring it to you, cause yikes this hurt to write. I’m grateful, however, because I believe I’m better for it. You shouldn’t always stay in your comfort zone. I left out Asmodeus for personal reasons. Regardless of my ability, given the nature of this challenge, I don’t feel comfortable with writing nor posting graphic content of sexual violence and chose to refrain from doing so. Please do not ask for this to be written at a later date, I will politely refuse then as I am now.

Check out the Masterlist for more.

Warnings: THEIR SINS HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO AN EXTREME (AND ALL THAT IMPLIES), Abusive/Controlling Relationships, Violence, Threat of Human Trafficking, Drowning, Angst, Regret, Suicidal Thoughts

This is all for the purposes of fantasy and in no way an endorsement for these behaviors in real life. Be nice (and smart) with your lives, my friends.

Intro: Maybe the MC should have known better. It should have sunk in a long time ago that they were in incredibly risky territory... They should have remembered that these men, though they call them friends, family, and perhaps even lovers, are still demons at their heart and core. Each of them are the embodiment of some of the worst behaviors man has to offer... MC, there are some people you just shouldn’t date, even if they love you, and now you suffer the consequences...

Lucifer

It’s not difficult to see how Pride can go awry. Self-confidence and dignity are wonderful things, but let them build up unchecked and all manner of petty, vindictive behavior can surface from within a person...

Lucifer is far from immune to these flare ups. In fact, he falls victim to them so often that they may as well be ingrained in his personality. If you do anything that mocks or belittles him, even if it’s small, you’ll get a reaction. One that’s usually more severe than offense calls for...

The MC knew this going into a relationship with him. Supposedly, they knew all the no-go zones, too. Don’t make fun of him or Diavolo, don’t mention the Fall or his back, don’t call him a nag... That sort of thing.

What they hadn’t expected was the full brunt of the expectations suddenly leveled on them.

To say Lucifer was demanding would be an understatement. Everything about him had to be poised, powerful, collected, and perfect. Whether he realized it or not, these expectations bled into their relationship as well.

It started with him nitpicking little details... The way they stood, how they styled their hair, maybe a comment or two on what they ate. But it progressively got worse...

Suddenly he found problems with the way they dressed, what they listened to, what shows they watched, even how they greeted him in the mornings!

Before too long, nothing was right to him… Nothing was good enough. They were his other half, his biggest vulnerability, and in order for him to feel secure about that they had to be perfect… However Lucifer defined it.

They listened to him at first. Though his comments stung, he could be so loving too… He truly made them feel special. Like he wouldn’t be trying so hard if it were anyone but them...

But pretty words and kind actions could only go so far. They couldn’t completely erase the vitriol being tossed at them day after day…

Slowly, with every little change, they could feel themselves start to dwindle… The choices they made felt foreign, the lifestyle they held became draining, and then one day they realized they didn’t even look right anymore… They were no longer the person they wanted to be.

Lucifer was doing what he set out to do: train them, break them, then mold them into something new... So they could be perfect...

Just like him.

One day, however, they just couldn’t take being the person he wanted anymore...

He found them in their bedroom just before a party that Diavolo had been planning for weeks. Their hair wasn’t fixed and their clothes were a mess. His frustration nearly skyrocketed until he saw their face, vacant and broken, staring blankly straight ahead…

He couldn’t rouse them. They wouldn’t move no matter how much he shouted, threatened, or swore...

….they didn’t even budge when he begged…

His brothers eventually noticed something amiss and took them away. Their disgust with him was fairly evident… They probably would have tried something had he not been the strongest.

He had taken something wonderful and squashed it... Hurt someone he truly loved and ruined what they could have had to protect his damn ego…

Lilith, his brothers, and Satan especially… was everyone he tried to care for just bound to end up broken too…?

The MC’s recovery was slow. They had a lot of damage to repair and a whole new identity to build. He stayed out of it as much as he could, burying himself in work and seeing his brothers less and less...

He’d done enough damage to them anyway...

Mammon

The Greedy, Scummy Second-Born… Words to etch on his tombstone. Mammon had heard it all before from all angles: the demons above him, below him, hell even a passersby on the street would know his face and his laundry list of a rap sheet...

The one person who seemed to look past all that was MC.

He truly didn��t know what sort of karma he’d gained or luck he scored to have them in his life. They didn’t just see him at his best side, they made him want to fix his worst...

But that’s easier said than done, isn’t it?

The sad truth is Mammon is a gambler at heart. Oh he loves the money, the riches, fine things, and the bling but what else does he enjoy? The rush.

There’s nothing like that feeling of triumphant when the dice falls your way or the pure exhilaration of a close bet. When all cards are on the table and everything’s stacked against you, eking out that win can cause a head-rush better than any orgasm he’s ever had... The higher the stakes? The better the high.

But maybe he went a little too far…

It’s one thing to bet Grimm, he can make more of that in a night. It’s another to bet items, harder to replace but not impossible. People…? Well. If you want high stakes…

MC was actually with him that night when he made the “great” decision to bet his most valuable treasure on poker match. He was running out of Grimm and thought that the added risk would make him play better…

He thought wrong.

MC hadn’t been at the table at the time he made the deal, but they had come back just in time to see him get his ass handed to him. He lost. Spectacularly.

When the other demons there came over to encircle MC, it already felt like his world was crumbling down around him... The look of confusion, then hurt and betrayal in their eyes forever seared themselves into his memory.

“You bet me in a poker game?!”

It sounds almost comical, but he knew what the demons were planning to do to them wasn't. And just seeing the way his human’s wrist snapped when one of the men wrenched their arm from them confirmed it.

He wouldn’t let them get away with that. When the threats escalated to violence, he took his share of punches but in the end he was left standing.

The MC was furious. He had just whittled their entire existence down to a bargaining chip and one that he tossed away carelessly…

Yeah, he’s truly a scumbag, isn’t he?

They didn’t talk to him for quite a while, despite him begging for forgiveness. There was always a part of him that wondered why he even bothered… He had done it before, and in another gambling-induced high he would probably do it again…

They’d honestly be better off without him...

Leviathan

It’s, frankly, quite difficult to be the Avatar of Envy. Every day Levi feels uncomfortable in his own skin… Like he doesn’t measure up to this or that or like he’s not worthy of being in the meager position afforded to him. He preferred to hide himself away and try not to dwell on it… but then MC came along…

For once, he felt like he had something. Something truly special. Something one of a kind and like no other… He couldn’t point to any of his brothers and say that they had something better, hell, he couldn’t even point to Diavolo and say that he had a finer version.

No. He had them. The one, the only, MC. Better than all the rest. His only great accomplishment in his miserable, pathetic life...

… so why did they keep leaving him…?

It didn’t hurt that badly at first when they’d tell him they couldn’t go watch some new anime with him because they had other plans. Sometimes they’d go off shopping with Mammon or have lunch with Beel… That was fine. Understandable.

At least that’s what he’d tell himself.

After a while though, he started to feel lonely… rejected… Was he not good enough for them? Surely that had to be it, right?? A miserable shut-in otaku with someone like them? What a joke!

Any time he’d voice his insecurities, they’d always say the same things: “No, don’t be silly!” “I really do want to be with you.” “I love you, Levi. Don’t you believe me?”

No. He didn’t. With each passing hour spent away from him, time where he would get shafted for one of his brothers instead, he believed them less and less…

Soon all he heard was lies…

Something possessed him that day. MC had just missed their third live stream in a row in order to be with his brothers instead. Which one was it? It didn’t really matter. He felt the stinging pain of isolation all the same…

When the MC walked into his room they had no way of knowing that the festering hatred and inadequacy that had been stewing in him for months was about to spill over. His anger was so quick to spark and their human body too weak to resist...

It was only once he realized how long he had their head forced under the water of his aquarium that he finally let them up for air.

He was stepping over himself to apologize, stammering incoherently through his tears how he just lost control and didn’t know what came over him!

His brothers weren’t forgiving. Not in the slightest. Each of them seemed to want to beat him within an inch of his life and he didn’t blame them… If he could get away with it, he’d march himself into the sea and let it serve as his rightful prison…

His punishments were severe, but not unending, and soon he was back in his room again. Now he never leaves it and the MC is never allowed back in, even if they want to be.

He now, truly, doesn’t deserve them at all...

Link to Part Two: Satan, Beel, Belphie

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #ow ow ow ow ow #obey me scenarios #obey me headcanons #crap I have to reread this...#in for pain #sorry levi #went a little hard on you there

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lais-a-ramos · 4 years

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ok, this one is kind of a hard topic, and i appologize in advance for any mistakes i make or not being articulate enough

all the concearns over ppl in fandom hyping the only prominent white character, christina, in lovecraft country instead of the black characters are valid and the critique is definitely important, once it's common for ppl in fandom to either erase the half of a couple that is a BIPOC or to deny a canon cis het biracial ship to hype up a fanon white wlw ship and other problematic stuff plenty of times in LGBTQ+ fandom spaces.

but i also think we can't dismiss the entirety of the ship only bc the same LGBTQ+ fans are back at it again with their problematic behaviour, especially bc of its significance for black women and feminine-aligned nb folks who feel attraction to woman/feminine-aligned nbs -- lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, biromantic, panromantic etc.

for what i've seen so far, this ship is very important for black women and female-aligned nbs bc finally we have a dark-skinned black woman, who is also fat, to be treated with absolute respect and consideration and be passionately desired in a way that is not some kind of secret fetish or played for laughs, treated as being as worthy of being courted and romanced as her light-skinned and skinny half-sister.

christina respects ruby's choice and agency for most of the time -- i think the exception may be that first time ruby transformed into hillary;

she immediately explains to ruby her plans and intentions whenever ruby questions her behaviour and demands answers, including ruby in her plans when even ruby's loved ones keep secrets from her; she gives her all these baths and caresses her so softly, literally bathing her with affection and desire; she woos her with vows of devotion; and even tried to understand what ruby said when she asked her to try to understand her pain -- albeit in a fucked up way that only a privileged and sheltered girl raised in an enviroment in which magic is real and present in ppl's daily lives possibly could.

christina overall acknowledges that ruby is a woman with her own emotions, motivations, hopes, dreams, wants, needs and desires, and that's something y'all should keep in mind because i'll return to that later.

overall, these things i described are actually the basic that a person should do for the one they call their lover, and in no way erase the fact that christina is willing to kill innocent ppl to accomplish her goals of self-protection, nor turn these things acceptable from a moral standpoint.

but it's not the kind of treatment black women and feminine-aligned nbs receive, neither in fiction or in real life, by the way.

there are specific forms of misogyny that black women and female-aligned nbs face in which we are read as aggressive or animalistic, oversezualized or stripped from our sexuality and have our femininity denied if we don't check the boxes of what society deems acceptable.

there's this interview wumni mosaku gave for elle magazine U.S. in which she discusses her personal experiences with this problem, and how these eurocentric standards of femininity forced her to act in an overtly nice manner as a way to make sure ppl will treat her kindly instead of with suspicion and assuming she is aggressive.

that is because of the ways race and gender intersect creating a very complex scenario when it comes to definitions, experiences and stereotypes of femininity.

white women are overall treated with an authomatic presumption of innocence, as delicate and frail flowers who must be protected at all costs, especially if they are from upper classes -- that is something that is actually held against low-income white women, who are expected to adhere to certain standards to have their femininity acknowledged.

but, as we can see by that moment in episode 1x05, "strange case", when ruby as hillary is escorted by the policemen to her supposed husband who is actually christina shapeshifted , and, actually, by christina's entire motivations and characterization, that very same presumption of innocence is one of the sources of their oppression, because they are infantilized and stripped of their agency in favor of the men in their lives -- husbands, brothers, fathers etc --, being stopped and/or forbidden to do things cis het men usually get to and are expected to do.

in spite of this paradox, white women still have a privilege when compared to black women, because they're are still seen as ppl that belong to the world of affections and are worthy of receiving love, care and concearn for their wellbeing.

but that is not the case with black women.

usually, we are reserved two roles: one that revolves around being hypersexualized for men's consumption, both white and black alike; and the other, in which we are seen as "beasts of burden", carrying the weight in terms of work, emotions and so on, being expected to be desensitized to experiences and problems that no human would be expected to. sometimes, these two roles actually cross paths.

here in brazil, black activism and academics have been calling it "solidão da mulher negra", "the loneliness of black woman", and i think it's a very pertinent and powerful way to describe it.

and, that is the thing, when you're a black woman or feminine-aligned nb that doesn't fit into this role of being sexualized, you can feel this loneliness go a step further, because all that is left for you is that beast of burden part.

you end up not only being cast aside and abandoned by cis het white men and black men alike if you're attracted to men, but, overall, everyone in your social circle, including family, relatives and friends, expect you to be this source of strength and carry weights and resist to things ALL. THE. TIME.

and, guess what type of women and feminine-aligned nbs usually don't fit into this role of being sexualized????

the ones that are dark-skinned, fat, bulky, or any combination of these.

it's a combination of colorism, fatphobia, misogynoir and other factors that come to play, really.

one can check a few boxes, or check them all.

i myself don't check the "dark-skinned" box because, as a biracial women, i have light-skin privilege -- even though my skin is not as light as jurnee smollett's, who plays ruby's half-sister letitia "leti" lewis. but i sure have dealt with the consequences of not having the right body type for my whole life. i've been one of the "fat kids" for all my teen years, and, even now that i lost weight because of health issues, i'm still bulky and with large shoulders, feet and hands bigger than what is expected for women, and for most of my life i've felt in a similar way than what wumni mosaku describes on that elle magazine interview i mentioned earlier.

now, ruby literally checks ALL. THE. FUCKING. BOXES.

while we haven't seen much of her past, for the tidbits we got we can imagine that she had to be the responsible one in her family, being the older child, and basically raise her two siblings while their mom neglected them.

and we can see that, while the producers and writers changed a lot of her characterization from the source material -- in the part of the book i am right now, she has yet to show up, but the way she's described she seems more domestic and the shrinking violet type like show!hippolyta at the begining -- she is still seen as someone respected in her community and a source of strength -- e.g. being trusted to take care of dee.

and that clearly takes a toll on her, because everyone in-universe seems to expect her to be this mammy type or a role model, "a credit to the race" -- which is kind of ironic, given that it seems the audience seem to expect this of her as well.

and she puts all this pressure on herself because of it, and, while she is a woman with a very active sexual life, she seems overall very unsatisfied and repressed.

interrupted, as ruby herself perfectly put.

everyone seems to expect something of her at home, and not only all of her goals in the professional realm seem to be frustrated by social structures of oppression, but even her relationship goals as well, given that most of the men that she gets involved with, whether they are black or white, seem to believe they have the right to abandon her and treat her like trash because she doesn't feel a thing and is "strong" enough.

and that is where christina comes in.

now, it's true that the character that's pointed by many as a representation of white feminism surely is problematic in many ways, including her "colorblind" approach to racial issues, which is a particular form of racism that comes from an indifference towards social issues that steem from the privilege of not having to worry about said racial issues because one's not affected by them.

but, inspite of this colorblindness, or precisely because of it, christina sees ruby not for the roles she plays in other ppl's lives, but as the woman with her own emotions, motivations, hopes, dreams, wants, needs and desires that she is (see??? i told y'all to keep that in mind because it would be useful later).

some of these things might not be politically correct, like wondering what would it be like to be white and not have to deal with all the bullshit she has to.

some of these things might be dowright immoral and unethical, like the revenge fantasy she made come true against that abusive, sexual harasser and possibily rapist that was the guy from the department store that appeared in episode 1x05.

but, they are what makes ruby, well, ruby.

they are what makes her human, what humanizes her.

and christina accepts all of it, all that makes ruby who she is.

like the av club review for episode 9 pointed out, the two women are actually not that different when it comes to motivations: the stakes might be different for them because christina is protected by her whiteness and wealth, but both of them want the same thing in the end -- to not feel interrupted by the social restraints that bind them.

and that is what draws them to each other and feel attracted to each other, even though they might not understand quite well what to be queer means to them, or even avoided/repressed the question altogether as they grew up.

they are two points that seem opposite, and might as well be in some ways, but belong to the same axis that is gender and sexuality.

their relationship is incredibly complex and layered because of all these intersecctions.

ruby and christina's relationship is all about revealing different parts of yourself to the other and peeling each other's layers (sorry for the pun, but, it was just there lol), and, because of this, it's no wonder that it's seen as more romantic than, say, tic and leti's relationship, that seems to be playing out like plenty of cis heterosexual relationships, moving too fast because of the passion involved and what society expects, without the two of them being able to truly proccess and decide what they want, something that will defintely get more complicated now there's a baby on the way.

everything is so raw between ruby and christina, quite literally (it's one ot the things i love the most about all the gory scenes between them, it's a very clever way of using a fantastical setting to highlight these metaphors and symbolism).

with all of this, it shouldn't be a surprise that many sapphic black women and feminine-aligned nbs relate so much to ruby and got so attached to this relationship.

it's not because they endorse the problematic stuff christina or ruby have done -- although, well, to be fair, in a show that draws inspiration from pulp fiction magazines, particularly horror and detective/mystery stories, all characters are expected to be problematic and do fucked up things.

it's because queer black women and feminine-aligned nbs, regardless of whether they check only a few of the boxes i mentioned before or check all of them, can relate to this feeling of loneliness that the producers and writers portrayed so well with ruby -- but also with hippolyta, and dee too.

and for relating to these feelings, they relate to this relationship between ruby and christina.

and it's kind of hard to know what's gonna happen next in the show and the future of this ship

hell, even know whether the show is gonna be renewed or not.

but this should be a lesson for the future, on this fandom and others, to try and consider the perspectives of LGBTQ+ black ppl in these spaces, because, when you don't do that, you're basically reproducing, in a space we should be safe to have fun, the same oppression and silencing we deal on a daily basis

#lovecraft country #ruby baptiste #christina braithwhite #ruby x christina #lgbtq #lgbtqiap+#black women #black representation #character analysis #character meta #meta

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tlhrfanfic · 3 years

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[Analogical ] Chemistry

Title: Chemistry Ship: Analogical Warnings: Lots of cute and fluff. Words: 5,708 Request: So, this was the next request I chose: an analogical fic where Logan and Virgil are science partners would be vvv cute! if its ok! This was also sent in by an anon.

Summary: Logan is used to the routine of his typical life as a high school teen. When the new student becomes his brand new lab partner, however, changes seem to become the new norm. Logan, surprisingly, doesn't seem to mind.

Read on AO3

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The day was like any other.

… until it wasn’t.

Logan hadn’t changed anything. He had woken up and gotten ready at the same time; he’d taken a shower just like he always did. He had then had breakfast before grabbing his backpack and heading out the door. It was the same ten-minute walk to the high school he’d been attending for the last two years.

Same morning chat with his friends, same walk down the Science hallway, and same Chemistry lab.

Logan settled into his seat before pulling his textbook, notebook, and a pencil out of his backpack.

“Logan.”

He looked up, interest in his eyes. It was, after all, common enough for his teachers to ask him for help with little things from time to time.

The moment his gaze shifted to the unfamiliar teen standing near Mr. Sanders was the moment that everything changed.

A young teen Logan’s age stood with his hands in the pockets of his purple and black plaid hoodie. He had his hood off but it was evident by the way it was scrunched around the back of his neck that it would definitely be on at that very moment if it weren’t for the dress code.

Logan brought his attention back to the teacher as he started to explain that this teen was a new student. Logan glanced at the teen from time to time as he learned that his name was Virgil and that he would be Logan’s new lab partner. Mr. Sanders then asked if he would mind showing Virgil around.

“I would be happy to assist Virgil in any way I am capable, sir.”

Mr. Sanders beamed at him and left Virgil behind as he left for the teacher’s lounge.

“Welcome to the school, Virgil. Are you from out of state?”

Virgil shook his head. “No… he said softly. Perhaps a little shyly. Logan assumed he wasn’t going to say more but a few moments later Virgil spoke up again. “I was homeschooled up until now…”

He shrugged, his hands still in the pockets of his hoodie.

Logan found himself staring at the new guy, wondering why he found him so enchanting. He’d had a handful of crushes in the past but not one of them was as lovely as this one.

“What?!”

Logan blinked. He blushed a moment later, heat rising up the back of his neck, as he realized he had been staring at Virgil for a minute at the very least.

“I apologize. Now, as Mr. Sanders mentioned, my name is Logan. Logan Wright. We are going to be lab partners in this class, evidently.” A thought suddenly occurred to him. “Do you enjoy Chemistry?”

Virgil shrugged.

“I’m not the best at science since my mom is the one who taught me but it’s got its cool factors, I guess.” He shifted a little nervously.

Logan smiled at him gently, nodding.

“That’s more than fine, Virgil. I am quite accomplished at Chemistry so we will not see you fail.”

Virgil blinked before slowly smiling.

“Well… thanks for that… I uh. I appreciate it.”

Logan nodded.

“It’s my pleasure, Virgil. Feel free to take a seat.” He nodded at the empty stool at his lab table.

Virgil hesitated before dropping his backpack onto the stool. He pulled out his Chemistry book, a notebook, and a pencil before setting his bag under the table and taking the seat.

Logan, realizing how close Virgil was, cleared his throat nervously.

“After class, I’ll give you the tour. It’s a fairly big high school but you seem intelligent so I think you’ll learn your way around here in no time.”

He glanced at Virgil who actually smiled.

It was small and Logan almost missed it but it had definitely been there.

“Thanks,” the emo teen said.

“As I said before, it’s my pleasure.”

The smile grew just a few centimeters more and Logan knew that this specific crush would not go away any time soon.

»»————　♞　————««

Virgil walked into Chemistry class two days later and set one of two coffee cups in front of his lab partner. He grinned as the bespectacled teen looked first at the cup and then at Virgil, confusion evident on his face.

“Salutations, Virgil. What is this and what is it for?”

“Mornin’ Logan. That is a caramel latte and it’s a thank you… for, you know, showing me around on Monday.”

Logan smiled and nodded.

“As I said then, it was my absolute pleasure. Thank you for the coffee. Really very nice of you.”

Virgil blushed, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of his neck.

“Don’t mention it,” he said, his voice a little quieter. He smiled softly once Logan looked away.

Taking a seat, Virgil pulled out his things for the class. As he pulled his homework out of his notebook, the emo teen watched Logan from the corner of his eyes. He barely held back a sigh.

When his mom had told him that he would be going to public school, Virgil had had a lot of hangups. He had not expected crushing on the very first guy he met to be one of them.

Then again, Logan wasn’t just some guy. Virgil had only known him for two full days but he already felt as if he knew him pretty well. He was different compared to most guys their age, just like Virgil.

“Did you have any trouble with the assignment last night?”

Virgil jumped in his seat because suddenly Logan’s voice was that much closer. He glanced at the other teen, finding him leaning in some to get a look at Virgil’s assignment sheet.

“Oh… uh, yeah. A little but it wasn’t too horrible, I guess.”

Logan nodded before pointing at one of Virgil’s answers.

“Understandable why you got this but you forgot to consider the temperature of the heat source.”

Virgil glanced at the problem and picked up his pencil, erasing before considering the answer once more, now equipped with Logan’s hint. When he had finished, he looked up at Logan with uncertainty.

Logan’s proud smile at the now correct answer made having to redo the whole question completely worth it. He hesitated before pushing the paper toward his lab partner.

“Any others I need to rework?”

By the time the bell rang, signaling the start of first period, Logan had helped him correct the remaining two problems with incorrect answers.

“Virgil,” Logan said as Mr. Thomas started the class. Suddenly a cell phone that was definitely not his phone was being pushed into his hand. He didn’t need any explanation, however, because the phone—which he assumed was Logan’s—was open onto a new contact entry.

“I’ll text you so you have my number too. This way, should one of us require assistance we can help each other out.”

Virgil nodded, not trusting himself to speak as he ignored the heat rushing up the back of his neck and into his cheeks. Instead, the emo teen entered his information, saved the contact, and passed the phone back to Logan.

True to his word, he texted Virgil, the emo teen’s phone vibrating in his back pocket. He would have saved Logan’s number at that moment but class had begun and the thought of sneaking it out had Virgil’s anxiety rising.

Turning to Logan, he mouthed a thank you before turning his attention back to the lesson.

»»————　☠　————««

Logan had hoped but honestly, had not expected Virgil to actually utilize his phone number when he gave it to him. It was with delighted surprise that two nights later—coincidentally a Friday night—that Virgil texted him, asking him for help with the assignment from earlier that day.

Logan called promptly. Virgil picked up by the second ring and for some inexplicable reason, Logan smiled at that.

“Hey, Logan. Thanks for calling.”

“It’s my pleasure.”

Virgil chuckled and Logan got the image of Virgil sitting there in class, a little half smile on his face as he shook his head and laughed just like that. It wasn’t a mean laugh. Just amused. Almost… fond, even.

Logan blushed.

“So… how can I help?”

Virgil proceeded to point out the problem he was having trouble with and Logan was able to figure out where he’d gone wrong. Unfortunately, it was far easier to explain Chemistry concepts in person.

Biting his lip, Logan glanced at his watch and considered the time. It was Friday night and was still fairly early. He and Logan could grab a table at the local cafe and work on the homework. Logan had, after all, promised to help him, and being in person would really make it easier on Virgil.

Not to mention, Logan really wanted to spend time with him.

“Would you want to meet up with me tonight?”

Virgil made a noise that Logan surmised was some sort of sputter and hoped it was a sputter of surprise, rather than disgust. He quickly cleared his throat and pushed on.

“I was just thinking we could grab dinner at the cafe in town and work on this. It really would be much easier to explain and assist you in person.”

Virgil was silent for a moment. It was just long enough that the intelligent teen was worried Virgil had hung up.

“Uh… okay, yeah. Sure. Wanna meet over at mine and walk over?”

“I don’t know where you live, Virgil…”

“Oh, right! Well, I know the place you mean and it’s really close so I guess… I guess, I’ll see you there soon?”

“Sounds good, Virgil. See you soon.”

“See you soon, Lo.”

Logan gave a start at that. No one had ever called him that before. If anyone else in his life had, he probably would have had some scathing words to throw their way. But for some reason… it just sounded so nice spoken by Virgil.

“Yeah,” he replied only to realize that Virgil had already hung up. Blushing, he grabbed his keys, pocketed them and his phone, and headed out the door.

»»————　♞　————««

Virgil chewed his lip as he waited. Glancing around at other people, recognizing a few from school as he buried deeper into his hoodie, Virgil wondered if this had really been a good idea.

Luckily, before his negative thoughts could even hope to rain on his Black Parade, Logan was suddenly standing before him. And like moths to a flame, his attention shifted to only him.

“Hey,” he said, smiling a little shyly. He reached up to slide his hood back enough to see Logan fully and allow the other to see him a bit too.

“Hey,” Logan said, smiling back. The smile was soft. It did things to Virgil’s insides, but there were too many reasons why it was soft for Virgil to be able to bank on it being a specific one. If it was soft because Logan liked him and wanted to be with him, that would be very good. It could just as easily be Logan liking him as a really good friend or regarding him as family.

Since Virgil really, really, really liked Logan… those, while nice, would not be good.

They would not be good at all.

Silence settled over them. Virgil panicked, fearing that it felt a little awkward. However, he was suddenly unable to use his words because he had to go and think about his crush with said crush standing right there. So, the silence stretched, making him panic more.

Luckily, Logan was pretty good at reading signs of a potential panic attack.

“Virgil.”

Suddenly, Virgil’s focus was on Logan. He was still feeling anxious but his focus had shifted enough. Logan was a little like an anchor in that way.

“What… uh, sorry.”

“I was just thinking we should head in. Grab a table, get dinner ordered. We can work on some of the homework while we wait for our food.”

Virgil beamed at Logan.

With such a plan in place, how could Virgil feel anxious?

Well, aside from the butterflies he constantly felt around Logan, but that was beside the point.

“Yeah… that sounds like a plan.”

Logan held the door open for him and Virgil, ignoring the heat rising up the back of his neck, headed inside.

»»————　☠　————««

Logan was beside himself getting to Chemistry class that next Monday. He knew he had no logical reason for feeling this way. Even the evidence of their rather enjoyable evening of dinner and homework on Friday, and the fact that they texted the entire weekend outside of school talk, was circumstantial at best. Yet, he still felt uncharacteristically giddy as he settled in his chair and got out his things. That done, his eyes panned to the door rather than to the clock, as they would have in the past.

The moment Virgil entered the classroom—exactly two minutes and forty-five seconds until the bell was due to ring—Logan’s heart beat rapidly against his chest.

Whoever said falling in love was the best thing to ever happen to a person was sorely mistaken. This cannot be good for one’s health.

Logan took a deep breath as Virgil made his way over, dropping his bag to the ground unceremoniously as he slumped into the chair. Logan took pity on his friend.

“I take it you couldn’t fall asleep after we said good night?”

Virgil, who had his arms on the desk and face pressed into them, turned to look at his friend and shook his head with a frown. Logan resisted the sudden urge to pull the other into a warm embrace. Blushing at the thought, he looked away and flicked open his textbook to the lab they were meant to cover that day. He then got his homework out, watching from the corner of his eye as Virgil did the same.

“Sorry, Virge.” Logan resisted the urge to correct himself. Virgil had assured him it was fine if Logan wanted to call him Virgil still, but had been sure to advise Logan that his friends usually called him Virge if they didn’t want to use the whole thing. Logan wanted Virgil to be certain in their friendship and his desire to keep it.

He also very much wanted Virgil to be certain that if he wanted more then Logan very much desired that as well…

... but how could he make Virgil certain of that without actually confessing his feelings?

Pushing such thoughts and questions out of his mind, Logan returned to the conversation in time to catch Virgil saying “Insomnia is a bitch, dude.”

Logan nodded. “Yes, it is a troublesome disorder indeed.” Logan glanced around before lowering his voice. “Medication not helping?”

Virgil shrugged. “Kinda, I guess. But it doesn’t really help all the time. It’s inconsistent.”

Logan frowned but nodded. He wished to say more, but it was at that moment Mr. Sanders came in to remind them they were doing a lab that day.

Thomas gave a brief demonstration of the lab and asked them to write down the exact measurements for it. Logan took his notes in his own efficient style, often finished before the others. Usually, he would just wait patiently for Mr. Sanders to carry on with the next part of the demonstration but now he found himself glancing at Virgil.

He watched, mesmerized, as Virgil made big bold circles around the measurements he’d jotted down. Where Logan’s were neat and tidy, Virgil’s were scattered all over the page but a quick look over told him it was still organized, in it’s own way.

In a way he understands… fascinating.

Mr. Sanders finished the demonstration, passed out all the necessary chemicals and safety gear for the lab. Under his supervision, the lab went underway. Virgil watched Logan as he worked for a good part of it.

Logan, so lost in his work, hadn’t noticed until Mr. Sanders came up to them. Leaning down, perhaps under the guise of answering a question, the Chemistry teacher lowered his voice.

“Virgil… don’t you think it’s a little unfair to allow Logan to keep doing the lab himself? Yes, Logan, I am aware you enjoy it and don’t mind, but my point still remains. It’s also not fair to you, Virgil, as you aren’t taking part in the experience.”

Virgil nodded, his face beet red. Logan frowned, resisting the urge to speak up and not quite sure how to feel about it. Mr. Sanders sighed and crouched down.

“I apologize for embarrassing you. It wasn’t my intention.”

“N-no. I know. I didn’t mean to make him do it all… I just kinda got…” He blushed again and looked away, mumbling something that neither Logan or Mr. Sanders could hear. Logan tried his best not to focus on Virgil but rather on Mr. Thomas. He felt a little bad finding blushy red to be quite a fetching color on Virgil, considering the circumstances.

Thomas looked from Logan to Virgil and for a moment Logan was certain he saw a little smile slip onto his face but when he tried to look more closely, it was gone. Interesting.

“Well, that’s fine, Virgil. I get it. You guys are talking and you didn’t notice how much he’d done. But now it’s your turn, okay?”

Virgil nodded. He waited until Mr. Sanders had gone to help someone else before turning to Logan and mouthing ‘what do I do?’.

Logan laughed to himself, knowing that laughing out loud with Virgil freaking out would not help matters, and reached out a hand to squeeze the other’s shoulder.

“It’s okay. You’ve got this. I won’t let you get it wrong,” Logan promised. Virgil smiled and blew his hair out of his eyes. Logan got lost in dark pools of near black for a few moments before his bangs settled once more. He could still see Virgil’s eyes but he suddenly longed to brush his hair back just to look into those eyes once more.

Virgil snorted. “My hero.”

Logan laughed, but smiled. “If that is your wish.”

Virgil laughed and shoved him playfully. He then took a deep breath and allowed Logan to walk him through the process. He was grabbing one of the chemicals that Logan was passing to him when their hands brushed.

It was definitely accidental but they both jumped. Logan laughed softly and Virgil laughed as well. The laughter was different than the normal one they shared, Logan noted. He leaned in a little and offered the chemical bottle once more.

Virgil took it, their hands not brushing this time. Virgil was still not looking away. Logan would have felt a little insecure under his sharp gaze but he was already looking at Virgil for just as long. He swallowed, unsure of what to do or say.

Logan knew something was definitely happening here, he just didn’t have a name or a verified set of instructions on how to handle it nor what to do next.

Virgil leaned in a little closer, his gaze falling to what Logan could only assume was his mouth. Logan swallowed hard again and felt a slight moment of panic. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to kiss Virgil.

He wanted that very, very much. He just didn’t want it to be in the middle of Chemistry class surrounded by of a bunch of classmates and Mr. Sanders.

It had to be his lucky day.

A sudden outcry broke whatever spell Virgil was under. He blinked rapidly and blushed completely before laying his arms on his desk and burying his face in his arms. Logan glanced over to see the reason for the commotion.

Remus Prince and Janus Noirblanc had, from their story, done everything right and still caused the chemicals to overflow. Mr. Sanders explained once more the importance of writing down the notes rather than doodling during note time, to which Remus and Janus laughed but nodded.

The class settled down once more. Logan quickly finished the lab for them, keeping an eye out for Mr. Sanders, before turning to Virgil.

“Hey,” he said, tentatively. “Is… is everything okay?”

Virgil let out a laugh but it definitely didn’t sound happy.

“I nearly made a fool of myself.”

“Because kissing me would make a fool of you?”

Virgil sighed.

“Well, yeah. You’re just… you and so amazing and great and… ugh, do we have to do this here?”

Logan glanced at the clock. He raised a brow at the other.

“Are you going to run from me when the bell rings?”

Virgil clears his throat and looks away. “No…”

“Virgil.”

“Fine… I won’t… run away…”

Logan gave a nod of approval.

“Then, very well. It can wait.”

Which made for a very awkward ten minutes but Logan supposed Virgil had a point. Confessing to Virgil in the middle of Chemistry class hadn’t exactly been his own plan either.

»»————　♞　————««

Virgil was always nervous but that was nothing like how he felt when he followed Logan out of class. He was quiet and making as little sound as possible, hoping Logan might forget he was supposed to be following somewhere. Still, as he had promised his friend, Virgil did not run.

Logan led them to a little lounge area. Other people were around, unfortunately in a school as big as theirs it was inevitable, but no one was paying any attention to them.

Virgil sighed as he took the chair next to the one Logan chose. He turned toward him but raised his hood out of habit. Logan looked at him and Virgil couldn’t resist the urge to look up at him. Their eyes met and Virgil blushed but found he could not look away.

“Hey,” Logan said softly, a warm sort of smile on his face. Virgil couldn’t help but smile back gently at such a display of beauty.

“Hey… so…”

“It’s okay… take your time.”

“Dude, it’s like five minutes between classes. We literally have no time.”

Hands were suddenly offered to him and Virgil took them without thinking. Logan’s hands were slightly larger than his own and he blushed to see how well they held his. He sighed, shaking the nerves off as much as possible.

“We have time and I’ll talk to the Principal or whoever I have to if by some chance we are late.”

“Yeah, okay… fine. So, yeah… I don’t know… back there, in that moment, I just really wanted to kiss you and…”

“I wanted to kiss you too, Virgil… just not in the middle of Chemistry class…”

“Heh, yeah.” Virgil blushed at the admission, feeling butterflies in the bottom of his belly. “It was excellent timing on Remus and Janus’s part.”

“A little too excellent… but yes.”

Logan and Virgil laughed, the tenseness from earlier slipping away.

“Look… you were correct… we are a little pressed for time…”

“Duh.”

Logan laughed and Virgil smiled, pleased with himself.

“Why don’t… why don’t we walk home together? I’ll walk you home.”

“Logan… you live like two miles from me…”

“Yeah. I’m aware.”

Virgil let out a whistle at that and sighed when the warning bell went off to advise students to start heading directly to their classes.

“Fine. You can walk me home.”

“Wonderful.” Logan hesitated before leaning in to press a kiss to Virgil’s cheek. He blushed but smiled happily at Virgil, squeezing his hands. With that, he left Virgil in a bit of a daze. It wasn’t until some loud laughter broke through the fog that Virgil remembered he needed to get to class.

Taking off, Virgil smiled to himself.

»»————　☠　————««

Logan had never looked forward to the end of a school day until that day. He wished all his classes would hurry up. He didn’t bother pacing out his work, instead getting the classwork done and waiting as patiently for possible for the class to end.

Lunch would have been a nice reprieve but due to being in a few Pre-Advanced Placement courses, the lunch he took was different from that of his friends and of Virgil.

He was grateful that his debate class took some of the edge off. He had been due to debate with Remy Lassus but, as Remy’s parents had called him out sick, Remy’s spot had been taken by none other than Janus.

The two weren’t exactly friends. Janus was dating Logan’s best friend Roman and they tolerated each other for the most part. In Debate class? Oh, that was another matter entirely.

Janus had been able to keep up with Logan for most of the class but Logan caught a weak point in his argument that unravelled the whole thing. In the end, they shook hands but both knew the rivalry was still going strong.

With Debate out of the way, Logan just had his teacher aide lesson and he was home free.

Free to see Virgil.

Free to kiss Virgil…

With such a happy thought in his mind, Logan took off for the last period of the day.

»»————　♞　————««

Virgil couldn’t believe he was doing this. Just waiting out at the front of the school for his friend who he had almost kissed in Chemistry. If he were a smart man, he would have headed straight for home after school.

Well, he’d never told anyone he was smart (but Logan seemed to think he was). For whatever reason, this seemed right, no matter how much his twisting insides seemed to tell him otherwise.

“Virgil!”

Virgil’s whole body spun in the direction of Logan’s voice, a smile slipping onto his face as he found the other in the distance, rushing his way.

“Hey, dork,” Virgil said but his words were soft. His voice was even softer.

“Hey, you,” Logan said, wincing at what he had just said. He shook his head as if that would cause his perceived faux pas to disappear. Virgil, however, had found it cute.

“So, uh… walking and talking?”

Logan smiled and nodded.

“Thanks for waiting.”

“Always.”

Virgil blushed. He’d honestly meant it. Well, as much as a 16 year old boy could mean such things, but the point was, it was true for him. He hadn’t meant to tell Logan as much. He was smiling, however, so maybe him knowing wasn’t such a bad thing after all.

“Shall we go?”

Virgil could only nod as he smiled. They started heading in the direction of Virgil’s house when he suddenly wondered if Logan would want to come in. Then became a little worried that his room was messy. Still, his happiness at walking with Logan—being with Logan—outweighed all the worries in the world.

“Hey, so… thanks. You know, for earlier… talking after…”

“It was my pleasure,” Logan said, smiling earnestly down at him. Virgil was surprised, suddenly realizing how close in height they were. Yeah, Logan was taller than him but it wasn’t by as much as Virgil had always thought.

Would make it easier to kiss him~

Oh, shut up, you-me-argh, just shut up!

“About that, and what had almost happened before… let me be completely honest with you when I say that had we actually kissed in Chemistry class, I would not have been upset. Far from it…”

Virgil looked at Logan just as the other was glancing at him.

“Really?”

Logan nodded as they turned a corner into Virgil’s neighborhood.

“Without question. I would have been bummed about the location and the lack of some level of privacy for such intimate displays, but I would have been very pleased with the kiss.”

Virgil looked at Logan with wonder, his butterflies returning.

“So… uh… you like me too then? I mean, you like me back…”

Logan laughed at that but there was no malice, only fondness.

“What is it you say… oh, right… duh,”

Virgil blushed and shoved Logan playfully.

“Shut up.”

“You know… I didn’t say this earlier for obvious reasons but you look so cute when you blush.”

Virgil’s face heated rapidly. “I do not!”

“Oh, but you do.”

“Jerk!”

“I suppose that is warranted, considering my flirtation through teasing.”

Virgil just laughed at that, shoving his face into his hands for a moment. Logan reached out to guide Virgil to a stop with him.

“Virgil… are you okay?”

Virgil nodded, face still in his hands.

“Yeah, just… give me a minute.”

Logan didn’t say anything and Virgil couldn’t see his expression. Instead, Virgil felt Logan's hand rubbing his shoulders as well as he could around the backpack strap. Gradually, Virgil turned toward him. The other seemed to understand because a moment later, Logan was wrapping his arms around him as much as their backpacks would allow.

Virgil closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of being pressed against the other. He already knew now that Logan liked him. The butterflies in his tummy now had nothing to do with that.

Virgil really, really wanted to kiss him.

Thank God his house was not far from where they were.

Virgil pulled away from the other, though he hadn’t really wanted to ever leave his arms. He smiled at Logan and nodded.

“I’m good now, thanks.”

Logan nodded, hesitated, and looked forward in the direction they were headed. After a few moments of what Virgil assumed was deliberation, Logan looked at him with a little pink coloring his cheeks.

“If you would permit me to, I would very much like to hold hands with you.”

Virgil could see what Logan meant. He looked quite nice with pink cheeks as well. Of course, such a request got Virgil blushing more. Yet it was with no hesitation that he stuck out his hand closest to Logan for the other to take.

Logan smiled and laced their fingers before they began walking once more. It was a silent agreement that any further talk could wait until they reached Virgil’s house.

»»————　☠　————««

Logan marveled at how wonderful it felt, walking with Virgil, the other teen’s hand in his own. Before Virgil, Logan had always wondered at how couples did such things. Now, after Virgil, he wanted all of those things. But with Virgil alone.

Virgil was leading them along the route he took home everyday. It was so interesting to experience, especially with the knowledge that Virgil liked him as he liked Virgil.

Logan squeezed the other’s hand only for Virgil to squeeze back, looking at him and smiling brightly. A little pink brushed his cheeks and covered the bridge of his nose.

How could one person be so mesmerizing?

“We’re almost there,” Virgil announced. Logan swallowed hard.

Almost there.

Logan nodded and smiled. The smile felt a little forced, but Virgil smiled back. Logan tried to ignore the sudden nerves he felt and enjoy the walk.

Luckily, as soon as they turned the corner, Virgil was pointing out a house two buildings down on the side they were currently on.

“There’s my house,” he mumbled and Logan could just smile.

“Well, let’s go then.”

Virgil led him to the house and inside. As soon as he opened the door, a short woman wearing a dress and apron came from what Logan assumed was the kitchen.

“My baby’s home!” She looked at Logan. He could see where Virgil got his sharp gaze. He smiled. “And he brought a friend…”

Virgil cleared his throat.

“This is Logan… I’ve uh… told you about him… he’s in my Chemistry class… we’re just gonna go up to my room for a bit before Logan goes home… kay now, bye Mom. Love you.”

“Oh! This is Logan!” Virgil’s mom said, the words finally clicking, but Virgil had already dragged Logan down the hallway and into his room.

Closing the door behind him, Virgil sighed. Flicking on the light, he nodded at the bed.

“Sorry, not a lot of options for seating,” he said with a soft laugh. Logan laughed as well and took the end furthest from the pillows. Virgil soon joined him.

“So…”

“So…” Logan agreed with a little smile. He was silent for a moment more, teasing Virgil just a little, before he continued. “So… let’s go down the list, shall we?”

Virgil snorted but nodded. Logan offered his hands which Virgil took immediately.

Smiling, Logan began.

“We both like each other…”

“Check.”

“We both want to kiss each other?”

“Duh.”

Logan gave him a look and Virgil rolled his eyes, smiling.

“Check.”

“And am I correct in assuming that we both want… uh… something more? You know…”

“Are you correct in assuming that we want to be boyfriends?”

Logan nodded. “That’s better. Yes.”

“Very check.”

Logan grinned and Virgil grinned back.

Just like it had happened in Chemistry class, Virgil started to shift a little closer. Logan was more than happy to lean in as well.

This time, no chemicals overflowed and no one was around. This time, there was no almost.

Virgil’s lips pressed against Logan’s first but he had definitely not been too far away. Logan hummed happily into the kiss, his eyes closed as he laced his fingers with Virgil’s.

Logan felt such deep warmth like he had never felt before. He found himself immediately shifting closer to Virgil, as if he were his magnetic opposite.

Virgil chuckled into the kiss, soon having to break it. Logan looked at him with confusion and Virgil shook his head.

“What’s so funny?” Logan asked, tilting his head.

“Sorry, Logan… it’s just. I’m starting to think my mom sent me to public school just to make sure I found happiness… but I don’t really think she expected this. Maybe a favorite class. Maybe a best friend. I doubt a boyfriend was ever on her radar.”

Logan laughed softly too.

“I think she will be happy with whatever happiness you find. And you’ll find many more happinesses… hopefully with me.”

Virgil smiled. “Well, you haven’t actually asked me out yet.”

Logan sighed. “Virgil Armitage, will you go out with me?” Though he had sighed, he was smiling by the time he finished.

Virgil smirked. “Duh.”

Logan would have groaned but Virgil was kissing him moments after and Logan really didn’t feel the need to stop him as he kissed back.

A lot had changed in Logan’s life since Virgil entered into it but, as Logan had come to find, sometimes in life there were just some changes that were worth making.

»»————　♞　————««

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Thomas Sanders or Joan, nor the rest of their group. I do not own or make money off of these characters. I only own the story as it is written.

Super uber thanks to my beta reader for this fic @sunshineandteddybears and the two that preread my stuff to make sure its up to par: @romantichopelessly & @sunshineandteddybears.

#tsart #analogical #ts analogical #logan sanders #ts logan #virgil sanders #ts virgil #insanelycoolish #tlhrfanfic #lab partners au #lab partners #science boyfriends #tlhrfanfic writing #request fills

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mxgilray · 3 years

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I... have some thoughts on the Loki finale. It was not what I was expecting, but I'm still hopeful for season 2.

This felt like a meh finale, like how a lot of season finales felt in Spring 2020 when they unexpectedly quit filming and had to cut things short by a couple episodes thanks to the pandemic. Only this was the planned out finale, they should've given a bit more oomph. I'm quite a fan of exposition and character development usually, but all the dialog was centered on He Who Remains, so it felt like our main characters were just side pieces.

Plus, the final "cliffhanger" of Mobius not knowing Loki and the statue of HWR replacing the Time Keeper statues felt quite lackluster. Not sure how they could've made it hit harder, but it didn't deliver the "oh shit" vibes they intended, but maybe that's cuz Mobius not remembering Loki has been an expected plot line on tumblr for half the season so it wasn't a blindside.

I get the point of the Sylki kiss. From what I've seen on tumblr so far I feel like the nuance of Sylvies actions was lost to most people (both Sylki fans and antis just Didn't Get It). It wasn't a big declaration of love like the fans are grasping onto it as, and it wasn't shoving selfcest into the canon to keep the heternormativity like antis are accusing it of being; it was Sylvie using Loki's attachment to her to trick him. She needed Loki out of her way, and she knew the only way to get past him and get He Who Remains' tempad was through emotional distraction. She used his love against him and betrayed him, a kiss was simply the most efficient way to do it. I did a whole post last week about Sylvie's feelings towards Loki, but to sum up I firmly believe that while Loki harbors some romantic feelings for Sylvie, she feels strictly platonic towards him, but is very aware of his attraction. She took advantage of his care for her to get the upper hand during their fight. Heck she even foreshadowed it herself in ep 5. "There are more important things than friends" "like taking down the TVA" she told Loki that taking down whoever is behind the TVA comes before everything; it's priority #1 in her book, above friendship or love or trust. Loki proved that his priority now is the greater good of the universe not her revenge, so Sylvie has no use for him anymore (partners only when it's convenient, because she is a Loki and that's how emotionally stunted Lokis behave).

I would like to point out the irony of her being worried about Loki betraying her, only to turn around and betray him. It's in the realm of "people who cheat assuming their partner is cheating" / "not using a turn signal when changing planes to avoid being cut off because when you see someone else use their signal you tend to cut them off", it's assuming other people will behave like you do. Sylvie feared in ep 5 that Loki would betray her in the end because she knew if it came down to it she'd betray him. But the thing is, he's actually grown past that. Loki is finally thinking about how his actions can damage others, not just his own wants and needs. Sylvie saw this moral change in Loki, realized there was no chance of getting him back on the blind revenge boat, and decided to exploit his newfound selflessness and emotional attachment to get him out of her path.

This whole season Loki has been maturing emotionally and growing into the best, most heroic version of himself. Sylvie, on the other hand, still has that deceptive, selfish, can't trust anyone persona that every Loki develops to combat insecurity. She hasn't had the emotional growth needed to see the bigger picture, she's still trapped in her own self centered mindset. As such, she disregards the impact her betrayal will have on Loki, the impact killing HWR will have on the universe. She doesn't even take a beat to consider whether revenge is still the right path cuz she doesn't practice self reflection yet; revenge has always been the goal and she refuses to give herself a chance of changing her mind. I hope in season 2 she'll get some character growth, now that her 1 goal has been accomplished.

Now on to Mobius. I enjoyed his scenes, I wish we'd been shown more of what he did to reveal the truth to the rest of the TVA. Again, I feel like too much time was given to HWR's monologing and not enough was spent on the other characters so Mobius and B-15 got very little screen time to display their plan. I am happy Mobius got the opportunity to throw Ranslayers betrayal back in her face, and his attemp at attacking her...my boy you work a desk job you ain't no fighter, she used to work in the field collecting variants, you had no chance. Also, where the F did she go??? I kept expecting her to show up at the end of time but she didn't. Where did Miss Minutes send her??

I'm sad Mobius doesn't know Loki anymore, but I can't say I'm surprised. I've got a few different thoughts on what the heck is going on with him and the TVA:

Sylvie accidentally sent Loki way back to a time early on in the TVA before HWR created the Time Keepers for anonymity. As such, this is a past Mobius who has yet to meet Loki or even learn of Loki's existence. If this is the case, then I think Loki and Past!Mobius's interaction at the end of ep 6 will be the catalyst for him becoming a Loki expert. The 63 branching timelines Mobius and B-15 are discussing before Loki interrupts are from some currently unknown disaster that'll be a plot line in s2. (This is my least favorite theory, but nevertheless a possibility)

HWR was correct when he said that if Sylvie kills him and destroys the TVA then another variant of him will just start it all up again. This variant didn't care to remain anonymous, hence the big statue of him, but kept all the memory wiped variants working there. Because time is a chaotic bitch, the changeover from one HWR variant to another may have been near seamless at the TVA and just involved a quick memory wipe of anything relating to the Time Keepers, Loki and Sylvie, or knowledge that the TVA are all variants. The 63 branches may be thanks to something Renslayer is doing like killing all the HWR variants in existence in order to negate the need for the TVA. The branching could also be from Sylvie's revenge still, we have no idea how much time has passed between her killing HWR and a new HWR taking over so the branching she caused could still be an issue.

There have actually been multiple TVAs running simultaneously, each in their own multiverse. Each one employs memory wiped variants, each one is in charge of a certain subset of timelines, and all work under the one HWR. Sylvie used HWR's tempad to eject Loki back to the TVA, but she accidentally sent him to the TVA of a different multiverse not realizing that's a Thing. The 63 branching timelines Mobius and B-15 are discussing are indeed from Sylvie killing HWR, but there's only 63 as opposed to the countless we saw diverging from Sylvie's perspective because this TVA only sees branches on timelines within their own multiverse. Mobius doesn't know Loki because he isn't our Mobius and in the multiverse he works in maybe Loki's aren't as much of an issue because none of them ever escaped the TVA like Sylvie did (or none of them have Tom's face so he doesn't recognize him as a Loki). If this is the case, then Loki is gonna have to find his way back to his own multiverse in order to be reunited with his Mobius, and that could end up happening thanks to Renslayer. Miss Minutes gave her a file that I suspect only HWR should have access to. Maybe it was tempad coordinates for other multiverses? It took til the 31st century for the multiverses to be connected despite Tony figuring out time travel in the 21st century because travel between universes is much harder, maybe HWR is still the only one who knows how to do that. (If this theory is correct then all the time travel done during Endgame was through timelines within one multiverse) Also just thought of this but what if the reason there are so many extreme variations of loki that grew to adulthood is because the criteria of "sacred timeline" is different in each multiverse. Classic Loki and maybe President Loki and Kid Loki are from the same universe as MCU Loki, but red haired Loki, Croki, Boastful Loki, etc are all from other universes. Think about it, Classic Loki, 2012 Loki, and MCU Loki all have an exact identical path up until their nexus event (or death in MCU Loki's case). I think other than identifying as female, Sylvie's childhood was identical as well and that her nexus event was coming to terms with her adoption as a child, which erased the catalyst of 2011 Thor's plot and would've changed everything for her future path. Had her adoption remained a secret and she grew up on asgard, I believe her story would mirror MCU Loki's. It mildly hit me weird that there would be such wild variation amongst Lokis, even with him being a shapeshifter, because there's a rigid sacred timeline (that supposedly the MCU movies have all adhered to) and they all felt like too big of a divergence to have been left unchecked so long. If boastful Loki was telling the truth about getting all 6 infinity stones then he should've triggered a nexus event as soon as he got more than the 3 he is "supposed to" interact with, unless in his multiverse the sacred timeline criteria is different. Another theory: the agents employed in each TVA are from multiverses other than the one they're working in. It would make sense, keep them from running into their own past by fully detaching each agent from their home timeline/universe. So the Principal!Renslayer that B-15 found will never in any future become the TVA judge we know. The one we know maybe came from the universe Loki got sent to, and that's how the two of them will end up crossing paths again.

#loki series #loki spoilers #loki #lokius #sylki #sylvie laufeydottir #mobius m mobius #tva loki #time variance authority #loki meta #mcu #marvel

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butwhatifidothis · 3 years

Note

r/Edelgard seems to have completely turned against Claude now. But the weirdest part is that they keep calling him an imperialist, while at the same time denying Edelgard is one.

It was only a matter of time before they did honestly. While Dimitri and Edelgard more directly oppose each other ideologically, even if it’s merely stated as so by the game Claude and Edelgard are presented as being “closer aligned” in terms of ideals, and any character shown to be a potential ally to Edelgard is seen in a good light in their eyes and any character that is shown to be unable to be an ally is a villain/bad person, so he was given some leeway until recently.

Look at how they bend themselves trying to make AM the villain route, how they sometimes completely discard Rhea’s words in favor of Edelgard’s despite the former literally being present when history was happening and the latter having Imperial Telephone tell her the totes fer reel correct version that happens to paint humanity as pure good, at how Edelgard’s treatment of Seteth and Flayn is excused and sometimes justified, at how Dimitri defending his land against an invading force that has the explicit goal of conquering them is painted in the worst possible light. It’s a consistent tendency to put down every character that could even potentially make Edelgard look bad... so Claude was never going to escape this treatment forever, since he arguably makes Edelgard look the worst. Not because of what she did to him - that trophy is being valiantly fought by Dimitri and Rhea - but because of his actions and goals and accomplishments compared to hers.

Remember Edelgard’s supposed goals, according to her stans? Claude does them, with far more peaceful results.

“Reform the Church” - Edelgard gets rid of it entirely in the majority of her endings and has it state-sanctioned if she does allow it to stay all the while actively persecuting the faithful in the Empire during the war, Claude always has the Church around and it is stated to be going through more natural reforms under Byleth and Seteth’s guidance and like the rest of the non-CF routes gives refuge to the said persecuted faithful.

“Unify Fodlan” - Edelgard forcefully unites Leicester and Faerghus back under Adrestia’s banner and erases their cultures while doing so, Claude unites Leicester, Faerghus, and Adrestia under a new banner (the United Kingdom of Fodlan) with no explicit mention of the erasure of the former nations (unlike “the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus and the Church of Seiros both vanished from the people’s memories” like in CF’s ending narration).

“Reveal the truth of Fodlan’s history” - Edelgard only tells a “truth” that goes directly against everything established by the game’s foreshadowing and never looks farther into what she assumes to be true, Claude finds the actual truth and does so by asking Rhea, someone who would for sure know the truth of what happened (all while risking the chance of her blowing away his previous assumptions of what’s been happening)

“Reveal the truth of Fodlan part 2″ - Edelgard/CF has multiple instances that reveal that portions of history are being deliberately covered up (Dorothea/Edelgard endings revealing censorship, Ferdinand/Byleth endings revealing certain battles not being recorded “ History books extol Ferdinand's success as a lord of his territories, but they do not make mention of the hard-fought battles he endured alongside his wife. Thus, half of his life's work is lost to time”), no mention of such things happening in Claude/VW’s endings

“Better relations with Almyra” - this is a throwaway line in Edelgard’s story that is completely optional and easy to miss as well as never appearing in any of her endings whatsoever (as well as any mention of bettering foreign relations), this is Claude’s entire goal which he is stated and even somewhat shown to have accomplished in the course of his story

“Looking out for the weak” - Edelgard intentionally strips the weak of support by taking away most any semblance of a church and explicitly states that the weak will inevitably learn how to grow strong by themselves, Claude acknowledges the Church’s importance to the people even if he personally doesn’t like religion and explicitly believes that strength is found by relying on, opening up to, and believing in friends and close ones

“Looking out for the weak, part 2″ - Edelgard explicitly states that she is completely willing to sacrifice her men as well as the people of Fodlan as a whole in order to achieve a greater good and then goes on to endanger her people, Claude explicitly states that such methods are too bloody and goes on to go out of his way to protect the people through evacuation or by placing himself in front of them or keeping them out of the fighting entirely

“Achieving a peaceful Fodlan” - The majority of Hubert’s endings reveal the need to constantly spy on the populace and/or put down rebellions/assassination attempts, the only mention of something similar occurring in VW is putting down Imperial loyalists + TWS’ attempts to disrupt the peace

“Wanting help from others” - Edelgard never attempts to reach out a hand in friendship to anyone at any point of the game, Claude tries multiple times to do so with Dimitri and actually succeeds in doing so in AM (not to mention him giving his help to and asking for help from the Church in non-CF routes)

This is just what I can readily think of off the top of my head, but we see that Claude manages to accomplish much of what Edelstans say Edelgard wants to do with better results, and that’s not even getting into how Claude needs no “softening” from Byleth in order to be a more approachable person, how he never initiates fighting towards Faerghus (as in, not the Kingdom army but the nation itself, unlike Edelgard) and never tries to conquer it whatsoever (again, unlike Edelgard), how he keeps his word and assists in helping Rhea despite not liking or trusting her unlike how Edelgard claims to want to make peace with Rhea despite thinking that her and her kind need destruction, how Claude mourns the deaths of his friends and allies while Edelgard says nothing if any of her friends and allies die (even Hubert, someone she’s known for close to 20 years, one of the longest relationships of the academy students’ circle. she says nothing of his passing) save for Bernadetta whom she can set on fire, and, again, other things that aren’t coming to my right off the cuff. He makes her look horrible

And, well, ya know what that means. Claude’s actions can’t be actually good, because they make Edelgard, the hero of 3H, look bad, so there has to be some kind of catch everywhere.

Claude bringing in Almyran reinforcements, with the approval of the Alliance’s most renown general, to help secure Fort Merceus in a more secure way (and is actually shown to have possibly actually helped in pulling off the ruse, seeing how SS tried the same thing without them and failed)? Him doing the same in some of his endings, where he sends Almyran forces to help settle the Imperial revolts that are happening? This is actually him trying to invade Fodlan, sending Almyran forces as a show of force and establish Almyra’s superiority over Fodlan, not him showing that Almyra wishes to help Fodlan reform so that their centuries long feud can finally begin to be properly set aside and allow for positive change to occur between the two countries.

Claude keeping the Alliance out of the war? This is actually him biding his time to strike back against both countries so that he can win the war and he only succeeds if he manages to trick Byleth and the Church (and Dimitri, in AM) into helping him, not him recognizing that the Alliance is weak even if fully united (let alone in the divided state they’re in) and wanting to keep his people as far away from the war as possible.

Claude giving the leadership of Fodlan to Byleth? This is actually him giving an ambitionless puppet rulership so that he can control Fodlan through them (even though even pre ts he doesn’t believe Byleth has no ambitions and will full on deny the belief that they don’t) and not him putting his faith in Byleth that they will be able to rule Fodlan justly

Claude showing concern over his friends’ wellbeing? This is actually him only trying to make sure his “tools” are kept up nicely, not him genuinely caring about those around him.

Claude coming across as insensitive in his Jeralt’s diary scene? This is actually proof/a hint of Claude’s true persona as a manipulative sociopath, not a genuine fuck up on his end (or, if you want to be nicer, a look into how he himself deals with traumatic events, though that’s up for interpretation so not the main point)

Claude saying that he wants to be supreme ruler of the world to Edelgard? This is actually him outright revealing his plans and showing regret that Edelgard managed to thwart him.

Oh, and we can’t forget how Claude actually wanted to wage war himself and was only stopped by Edelgard, and how he stole all of the progress Edelgard was making in changing Fodlan’s society, and how he never would have been able to do anything without Edelgard, and how him not siding with Edelgard is proof that he never wanted the best for Fodlan, and how the warmongering Almyrans would never want to make peace with Fodlan with that being more proof of Claude’s “true” ill intentions since he’d totally know that’d be the case

The second to last point being, of course, the only time you should take Claude at face value. And again, these are just the points that readily come to my mind as of right now.

Like I said, there was no chance in hell Claude was going to stay in r/Edelgard’s good graces, given how so much of his character directly shits on Edelgard’s. Friendship ended with r/Edelgard, now Dimitri and Rhea are Claude’s best friends.

#ask #anti edelgard #Anti-edelgard #Edelgard discourse #edelgard critical #just to be safe #like yeah I'm surprised Claude went this long without being shat on

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slytherflynn · 3 years

Text

Old and New | Pt I

Blaise Zabini x muggle!reader

word count: 1971

summary: y/n is new to France on a study abroad trip. Blaise is visiting France post-Hogwarts. rags to riches story of an unfortunate muggle falling for a complicated, ridiculously wealthy person who just so happens to also be a powerful Wizard.

a/n: this started with an idea, became a moodboard, then became an entire fleshed out fic! I thought it would be short but my brain had other ideas. enjoy! note: I did write this from my personal perspective in life. as a result it is not very inclusive. I plan to change that with my next fics, I’ve just been having a really hard time lately and have been writing a lot of comfort fics and/or self-inserts to escape from irl bc irl is rly shitty for me rn

It’s a brand-new start, in a brand-new apartment, in a brand-new city, in a brand-new country... an ocean away from home. I can bring Tacoma to France, right? At least, that’s what I’m trying to tell myself. Study abroad is fucking... scary. I kinda regret it. It’s a good opportunity and for someone who doesn’t travel, it should be a fun experience. But I’m currently having an anxiety attack over taking out the garbage, so I’m not sure my positive self-talk is working.

I look out the window of my top floor apartment, wait until someone finally finishes walking down the stairs, and run out my door - I nearly trip about five times going down the spiral of death, my arms feel like jelly thanks to perpetually pushing my garbage deeper in to avoid this trip, and I swing with all my might to hurl my garbage bag into the trash compacting dumpster - only it hits the bottom lip and falls to the ground, splitting open.

“Great!” I say, sarcastically, “First they send my luggage to the wrong location, then they try to say my passport isn’t valid because my apartment was a temporary address, then I’m greeted with a fridge full of rotting food and no power, then I’m bitten up by fleas and now - I just- fuck. Why can’t I just- do anything- right-“ I cut myself off when I hear a screen door slide and blink a couple times to erase the threat of tears that had been creeping up on me while I ranted.

When I look up, I see a tall, dark-skinned guy about my age - handsome. He’s wearing a suit, and expensive jewelry. Combine that with the fact he’s living in the apartment building next to me, which is worth more than my life just for one month of rent, and I put together that he’s probably rich beyond belief. I quickly look away, not wanting to stare. I silently pick up my garbage, piece by piece. As I work, I feel eyes drilling holes in the back of my head. I ignore it. It continues, and I still ignore it as I finally shove my ripped garbage bag in the compactor and slam the door shut. I hear a slight jump up above, and chuckle to myself.

I zoom back up the stairs and almost make it to the top, but I trip 5 stairs away from my door - and fall, hard. Body laid out flat hard. Cheek scraped and stinging from the metal grating on the stairs, hard. Lost the goddamned slide that caught on the stair, and can see it gradually falling, bouncing and rolling down the stairs, hard. I lift my head and see blood on the stair. I feel it running down my face. All I can think is that this really fucking hurts. The tears come, a combination of pain and frustration, and I pick myself up and stumble my way into my apartment, completely forgetting about the attractive rich boy who just watched me be a danger and inconvenience to myself.

I rush to the kitchen and grab a roll of paper towels, and run to the bathroom, I see the markings in the mirror and can tell it will leave a sizeable scar. Do I need stitches? I don’t know. Anyway, I start dabbing at everything and blood is still oozing out of every nook and cranny, to my displeasure. I’m about to start bandaging my face when I hear a knock on my door. “Fucking Christ!” I mutter to myself as I slap a wad of paper towels on my face and sulkily go to fling open my door.

I’m not sure who I’m expecting, but to see the same rich guy on my doorstep, slide in hand, probably wasn’t it. “Hey, um, I saw what happened, and I thought you might want your shoe back.” His accent sounds very British - I was expecting it to sound more like a snooty Frenchman’s.

“Oh. Um. Thanks.” I say flatly.

As my muscles twitch to begin closing the door, he says, “Would you like some help cleaning that up? I have certifications to give medical aid... and stitches. My name’s Blaise, by the way.”

Doctor, maybe? Probably. “Sure,” I say, opening the door wider and standing back so the blood doesn’t drip on his suit. “I’m y/n.”

A few minutes later we’re in my bathroom, me sitting on the toilet, him sitting on the bathtub as he helps me fix my face. “So, Mademoiselle y/n,” He asks, “Do you find yourself in these predicaments very often?”

“Which one? Poverty, flea bitten, or bloody?” I say.

“I suppose whichever you’d like to think I was referring to.”

“Well, in *that* case - I’m usually caught unawares in all kinds of predicaments - though I’d say self-injury due to clumsiness is an uncommon one. And do you usually find yourself in predicaments requiring you to treat someone’s wounds?”

“I used to, though now it’s only on the occasion.”

“Sounds like an improvement,” I note. “I won’t guarantee it, but I think I’ll get the hang of walking up the stairs soon enough, so you don’t have to worry about me.”

“I wouldn’t necessarily mind it if I did worry about you once or twice more. Why were you running? It seemed like you wanted to get away from something. Does your garbage compactor smell that disturbing?”

“It doesn’t smell great,” I admit, “But truth be told, I’m not a fan of human interaction. It’s scary. Especially when everything is new to me.”

“How long have you been In France?”

“A few days, just enough to get myself physically settled.”

“I see. And you are from America?”

“Mhm. Let me guess, my accent gave it away.”

“And the slang, I’ve yet to hear someone from France use certain terms that you seem to favor.”

“Oh, most of my slang is specific to my city, not just my country.”

“Your city?”

“Yea, Tacoma. It’s near Seattle, if you know where that is. Tacoma’s better, though.”

“I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never been there. My mother is a fashion designer, but she only travels where there’s inspiration or a business deal.” So that’s how he gets the expensive clothes. The rest of the money too, probably.

“Must be nice, having a handmade closet.” I muse. “Not that I care for having any more clothes than I brought. They’re pretty reliable, if I do say so myself.”

He laughs. “Yes, well, if the blood stains don’t come out of your jumpsuit you might need a new one. They shouldn’t be too difficult to remove, though.”

“Yea, I’ll just dump a bucket of Oxi-Clean on it and call it a day. That is, if any stores nearby have it.” I frown, realizing I have no clue if France carries any of the products I usually get. This is gonna suck. Hopefully the internet has some answers so I don’t have to ask anyone for help.

“Why don’t I take your jumpsuit back with me? Save you the trip. Believe it or not, I used to have chronic nosebleeds, so I know a thing or two about stain removal.” Blaise offers.

I smile, only just. “Well, if you insist. But I love this jumpsuit practically more than myself, so I expect it back right away!”

He returns the smile. “A fan of fashion? You ought to meet my mother.”

I chuckle. “I’m sure your mom would despise me - I only own seven jumpsuits and some athleisure for going on runs.” I pause, then tack on: “Oh, and some fuzzy pajamas for when I’m sick.”

Blaise cocks a brow at me. “And when you’re not sick?”

“Don’t worry about it.” I grin mischievously.

A wave of recognition graces his eyes, and he very quickly looks away, I assume for being flustered.

“You Americans, always so scandalous.” He tsks in mock scorn.

“That’s what we’re known for, is it not?” I say cheekily, “Beer, boobs and gun barrels. And all the other problems that come with that, but that’s a can of worms I am not looking to open today.”

He ties off his handiwork, and says, “It looks like my job is finished, other than stealing your jumpsuit off your back to fix it. I can wait in the other room, if you’d like?”

“Um, yea, that works. Lemme just, grab my next jumpsuit. Gonna have to do laundry early, I suppose-“

“I can wash your jumpsuit for you. I’m pretty good at reading labels, if I do say so myself.” He jokes.

“Oh?” I say, “Then you must be a real genius! Who taught you, Einstein?”

“No, but it was another white-haired, eccentric man, so you’re not that far off.”

“When all teachers are like that it’s kind of impossible not to hit relatively close to the mark.” I remark, then change clothes as quickly as I can, tossing the dirty outfit into a trusty plastic bag and tying it shut.

When I walk out to the living room, Blaise is toying with one of my sculptures. He’s definitely been meandering and lurking around. “Enjoying yourself?” I ask, at which he jumps. “You’re rather skittish, Blaise.”

“And you’re rather quiet on your feet, y/n.” He observes. “But yes, I quite like your eclectic style. If only you had an apartment that let your customization shine. Something more minimalist.”

“Yes, well, it’s something I’ll forever dream of and likely never accomplish. I don’t suspect I’m going to be someone leaving the income level I was born into.” I say, just a little bit cynical.

“And why is that?” He asks.

“Because most people don’t, and the ones who do are the ones who make money. My career isn’t going to make me money.” I reply.

“So why did you pick it?”

I sigh. “Because somebody has to care about the people like me. The politicians don’t, the middle class don’t, and the rich are hell bent on keeping us there so they can have factory workers and have people going straight to prison after they graduate because we’re all desperate and miserable.”

He frowns. “That’s terrible.”

“It’s reality. And I don’t want to be like the people who get rich and stop caring because all they see is the wage difference and pretend it’s justified so they don’t have to feel complicit in the system.” I look him in the eye, my face grim. “Not all luck is by chance. Most of it is by design.”

He nods. “I understand, in a way.”

“Everyone does.” I say. “But understanding in a way and caring enough to do something about it are two different things.” I look away from him when I see his posture change. “I’m not trying to be rude, but it’s impossible not to notice the wealth gap between us when you’re wearing designer clothes and living in what looks like a mansion and I’m living in a building made in like 1900 with no elevator. It’s just the way things are, though.”

“I know.” He says quietly, thoughtfully. “I’d better get going. Your clothes?” He reaches out tentatively for the bag I’m still holding.

“Oh. Right.” I say, handing it to him. Our fingers brush against each other slightly, and it sends chills down my spine. He heads to the door while I’m rooted to the spot, collecting myself.

“I look forward to seeing you again, y/n.” He nods, meeting my eyes with a rather changed expression.

“I’ll see you soon, then?” I ask, not quite sure which answer I’m expecting.

He smiles, only just. “As soon as I am able.” Seconds later, he’s out the door, and I’m alone in my dingy ass apartment. How in the fuck did any of that just happen?

#Blaise Zabini #muggle!reader #blaise x reader #slytherin #hogwarts #lady zabini #harry potter #hp #imagine #fanfic #slytherflynn #part 1

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nctinfo · 4 years

Text

[TRANS] Renjun, Jeno & Jaemin’s interview with Arena HOMME+ July 2020 issue!

RENJUN

Do you like the summer weather? I like the feeling of a refreshing drive under the bright sky while looking at the sea. I like summer evenings too. The feeling of the sun fading away and hiding.

Are you sensitive to heat? I am, but when I’m relaxed the heat feels more bearable.

Your face is lovely. Do you like your face? I wish people would love not only their assets but also their flaws. In that aspect I do like myself.

What’s your asset? My pupils are big. When talking to people you look them in the eyes, right? This is when I think I can relay my message better.

People say that Renjun is pure. Haha. I think everyone’s got something innocent about them, it’s just that we view it differently. I often have weird thoughts. I don’t know if it sounds ridiculous, but I think about things like why are people born, why people have children and raise them, why life exists. I think about the universe too, I also like documentaries about the animal world. I am curious and it’s not like anyone can just tell me the answers, right? It’s just fun to ask questions and let your imagination run free.

What have you been imagining lately? Before bed I imagine a place and come up with stories and characters. For example if I was a character in a movie like <Avatar> I imagine what kind of creatures would be there, if I would be able to fly and where I would fly to...

Are you a person who needs alone time? That’s right. I used to want company when I was lonely. But these days I think that alone time is good too. I don’t know what kind of person I was before, but now I think I have to focus on myself. I think I need to be firm with myself to take care of other people.

Why do you want to be firm with yourself? I came to such a big company like SM, there’s so many charming people. At first I always cared about other people’s eyes on me. How do others view me, what do they think of me, what should I do to look good in their eyes. But at one point I couldn’t keep up with others. I wanted to walk my own path only.

Do you have a soft side? Honestly yes. I cry easily and I get emotional a lot. Back in the day I wanted to showcase a strong image of me to hide the tenderness, but right now I’m just focusing on making my heart strong.

What is a strong heart? It’s something of my own. So that people can’t shake me up easily.

Are you soft looking but strong inside? It doesn’t matter whether it’s soft on the outside but tough on the inside, or tough both outside and inside. I don’t have to look strong or weak, I just have to be ‘me’. I like drawing, but whenever I drew something off I would stress over it. I use my brain a lot without even realising, unconsciously. So even when a drawing came out well I would still be stressing over it. Now I’m not restricting myself with only drawing well, I don’t erase anything, I just want to draw happily.

Do you know Renjun as a person now? I think I do a little, since I don’t care what others think and express what I want to express. But I also still don’t. Time and experience will solve it.

You said you didn’t do the MBTI test on purpose? To be honest I tried once. But I only want myself to know. I want to be seen as I am.

What did you dream of as a child? Becoming a star. Ever since I was little I wanted to become an idol. I enjoyed dancing and singing, it’s like I was shining.

Do you believe in destiny? I do.

Do you think Renjun coming to Korea was destiny? That’s right. It’s unbelievable to me. I applied for an audition but gave up because I didn’t hear anything back. So I was just eating and received a call and yelled on the spot. I was this happy haha. The next day straight away I bought the tickets to the audition place and participated in the global audition.

Why did you think you couldn’t make it? I’m the type to be prepared for the worst case scenario. So I’m very happy and thankful I made it this far.

How was adjusting to Korea? It wasn’t as hard as I thought. It was something I wanted.

What are fans to Renjun? I too like kpop and idols, so I know this feeling very well. I know how it feels to think of someone as a person who gives you strength, so I change my position. What would I be feeling if I were a fan? We’re giving strength to each other.

What kind of songs would you like to sing? Pretty fantasy songs like those from Disney movies. I want to sing a cover of the <Frozen> OST ‘For the First Time in Forever’.

That would suit Renjun well. What kind of person do you see as cool? Someone who knows who they are. Someone who is impressive even without talking, someone who doesn’t use perfume but still draws people in as if they smelled good. I want to become a person like this.

In that case is Renjun impressive? Hahaha. Although I like how I am now I need to become even better.

What is something Renjun dreams of now? Self approval. One day I would also like to spend my life travelling around the world and looking at the beauty of it.

JENO

What do you usually do in summer? Since debut we usually have a comeback in summer and promote. When I was little, my parents and I would always go to a valley. I like swimming. I even learned the butterfly stroke. I’m fairly good at it.

Your body is more solid than expected. I didn’t mean for it to become like this, but I really like sports. I like to make use of my body. I like going to the gym and because I love cycling I’ll occasionally ride to Han River or Yangpyeong. When I was little, I played table tennis and badminton pretty diligently. I usually remain motionless and use up all my energy at once. I’d rather put all my strength into it and then stay exhausted.

Are you competitive? Very. I think a lot about how to win anything. I feel uncomfortable when losing.

Are you goal-oriented? Having no goal makes you sluggish. I have to have a clear goal in order to systematically work hard towards achieving it. My current goal is showing how much I’ve matured for our next comeback. I monitor my seniors a lot. It’s great motivation. I want to become a person who is really good at one thing at least.

Who do you want to be most alike in fierceness? U-Know Yunho sunbaenim’s passion. It’d be hard to catch up, but I really want to be like him.

It’s surprising your name isn’t a stage name. Imperial “Je”(帝), hard work “No”(努). Do you like it? My maternal grandfather picked it. He named me that so I may receive strength from a higher position. I really like it. It’s not common. Haha. I feel the responsibility of living like my name.

Is your dream big? It’s more than high. It should be high. Since I was little, I liked to be praised and wanted to do things perfectly. Instead of praising myself, I always say, ‘No, you’re not there yet.’ I already receive enough compliments and support from our fans. I don’t even need to praise myself. You have to gain strength and train yourself with that support.

You have a tall nose and defined jaw. Do you like your face? I’m not dissatisfied. Hahaha. I’ve been liking my tear mole these days. I wasn’t really conscious of it before, but lately I’m glad that I have it. If I didn’t have that tear mole, I think I’d give off too strong of an impression. Doesn’t it look good? Haha.

I remember Jeno from the Angpang Milk ad. He was a child model that everyone would remember when mentioned at the time. Back then, I was scared and cried all the time. When I came on set there were so many strangers, and when I was in front of the camera, I cried because I couldn’t see my mom. Hahaha. It got better once I found out the staff people weren’t scary people.

What were you like off-camera? Rather than going out and playing with friends, I liked studying and reading books. I studied very hard in elementary school. Come to think of it, I seem to really like doing things by myself. I enjoyed reading a series of youth novels, conducting scientific experiments, putting puzzles together, or assembling Lego. A homebody to this day. Haha.

What’s the fun part of creating something? A sense of accomplishment. There’s pride and satisfaction in saying ‘I did it!’ I’m a person for whom a sense of accomplishment is of great importance. I also like this sense of accomplishment when I get to prepare and show a performance.

Did having an early social life help you with promotions? Not being opposed to making eye contact with the camera, also smiling/laughing well. I often hear that I look cold when I’m expressionless, but when we are together, I always laugh and everyone knows the real me. Hahaha.

On the contrary, what was regretful about acting since a very young age? Nothing. I got a good opportunity and experienced a lot. Nothing to regret.

You have a strange sense of stability for your age. I’m not very emotional by nature. I don’t cry much and I rarely have mood swings. With other members being so animated and having so much character it may seem like that. But I’m not as calm as I look. I’m just the type to not show when I get irritated or hurt, I talk quietly after a while. I just unwind on my own and don’t want to make things uncomfortable.

They say you’re an ‘FM’ person who goes by the rules. It’s good to be certain about anything. I try my best to perform my duties properly.

What do the other members think what kind of person Jeno is? A reliable one. When I address important matters within the team, I talk about them naturally. Rather than relying on them, it’s like I’m passing on difficult questions… hahaha.

What kind of person do you think is impressive? Someone who does what they want, someone with room for development. First of all if a person does what they want they are less likely to give up, more than anything a person like this is happy.

Is Jeno impressive? I’m trying my best. But I am doing what I want and because I’m receiving support from so many people I am happy for sure. If 10 means the best (in terms of happiness) then it’s a 10.

You debuted as a teen and now you are 20. Do you think you’ve grown a little? My appearance and skills have grown but my mindset is still that of a kid. Thoughts and personality are the same.

It’s like you’ve grown with the Dream members together without changing classes. Right. I can’t even imagine not having these friends. I’ve been seeing Jaemin for 7~8 years now though so I’m a little tired of him, hahaha. Kinda like even if we buy one thing, we buy it together. We have our own world.

What is Jeno dreaming of now? To become a cool person while being happy.

JAEMIN

What do you usually do in the summer? I like sports you can do in the water. Jet skiing or riding a yacht. I can already ride a yacht by myself. Even though the summer is better than a cold winter, my favorite season is autumn.

Pretty with round eyes and a bright smile. What's your favorite thing about your face? I like my eyes the most. The fans caught on some details I didn't even know about, so I became more fond of my eyes.

How did you get the nickname ‘Nana’? It's 'Nana' because my name is Na Jaemin. It's pretty and I like it. It's a nickname that's been used since I was a trainee.

When you look at Jaemin, he seems to be someone who likes people and is full of love for humanity. It's been like that since I was born. There's no need to dislike someone when you meet them for the first time. Hahaha. I think relationships between people and friends are the most important part of life.

How is your relationship with the members? It's very solid. Since we lived together for 7~8 years, it is safe to say that we are family. We know each other so well, and can speak our minds right away without fighting. I can talk about things with my members, I can't tell my mother because I don't want her to worry, and lean on them.

You seem to have a lot of natural aegyo, were you born with it? I'm an only child so I received lots of love. It's not something I do on command, but my body expresses the affection my mom has given me since I was young. I want to be someone who gives back the love I received from the fans. When you have received love, you can now give love.

Are you athletic? My mother made me exercise a lot when I was young. I learned sports like speed skating, inline skating, snowboarding, and it suited me well. Once I started, I did it all day without knowing the passing of time. These days, I usually ride a bicycle with Jeno. If you go to the Hangang you can ride about 30km at a time.

You seem to have endurance. It's in my personality to see it until the end. If what you want to do doesn't work out, keep going with the best of your abilities.

You seem very bright. The words keep pouring out. When I work I try my best to speak as much as possible, flaunt aegyo and show a bright image, but I don't speak much back at the dorm. I'm the type to pour out everything when I'm outside but will need to recharge when I'm home. My bed is my side battery. Hahaha. At home, I like to listen to songs alone, write or edit pictures.

You drink your coffee overly bitter and eat sweets overly sweet. That's right. It's a bit extreme. Hahaha. I do what I want to do! I dislike what I dislike. I'm that kind of type.

I heard you make Tangfuru for the members? Jisung and Chenle eat it especially well. These days I'm into T-bone steak and think about getting a sous vide machine. The kids like meat.

You look like someone who can take care of different things well I take care [of things/others/dreamies] really well. Hahaha. When they are hungry I will make something they want. When they say things like "Hyung, how to run the washing machine,' 'the boiler is not turned on,' 'the internet is not working,' I try to help as much as I can.

When you shot for <Arena> two years ago you were still a teenager, but now you're an adult. Do you think you've grown? I still have pictures of that time on my phone. Looking at the pictures that were taken today, it seems like I've grown up well. When I read the interview from 2 years ago again, I must've thought I was all grown up back then, hahaha. At 20 years old now, I think I'm still far from being grown up. I'm still young. There's still a lot to learn.

What was your dream when you were young? I never thought of becoming an idol. I was really shy back then. Originally my dream was to become a surgeon. When I was young I saw <Mysteries of the Human Body> and had such dreams. Haha. I wanted to save people!

You were cast while you were volunteering. Even after debuting, you continued to show support. I think I should give back to society as much as I have received. Since I was young my mom has told me "If you receive, you must know how to give back." It's normal for me, I used to donate in my name since I was really young.

What kind of person do you think is impressive? Someone who has more to offer on the inside than outside. Rather than being a flashy person I want to become someone solid with substance.

What are your interests these days? To be honest I’m slow with trends. I find out about things like half a year later than others. These days we talk with the members about what content to show our fans when we’re inactive [not promoting]. I want to post my own pictures and self-edited videos so I’m teaching myself how to do it. Lately, I’ve been wanting to learn how to use photo editing software properly, but it’s difficult to deal with.

Jaemin is known for taking good pictures. Hahaha. I uploaded pictures I took of the members yesterday and the fans liked it and told me my skills had improved. Since I'm getting praised I want to keep taking pictures and upload them.

It looks like you like to capture portraits more than landscapes. I love taking portraits. For example, trees always stand in a similar shape in the same place. But as for people, I can make them do whatever I want them to do and see various expressions continuously. I think that's much more attractive. It's fun to capture facial expressions, eyes, nose, and other features.

What kind of dreams do you have now? Dreams should be grand and certain. Always set high goals. My dream is to get many more of our fans who love us. And in order to do that I must work even harder. The pictorial we shot today has a distinct sexy feeling. So I hope you’ll enjoy it. Hahaha.

Translation: Alex, Myeon, Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: Arena HOMME+ — Do not repost or take out without our permission!

#NCT #NCT Dream #renjun #jeno #jaemin #t:interview #t:trans #arena homme plus #arena home plus: july 2020

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imagineclaireandjamie · 4 years

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Heloo !! I hope all of you are doing well. I was wondering if there was another chapter planned for The High Road and the Low Road? I find the premise very intriguing and I can’t wait to see what happens next !!!!

After learning the truth from Claire, a furious Brianna runs to Craig na Dun to prove her mother’s crazy only to fall through the stones herself.

Part One, Part Two

The High Road and the Low Road - Part Three

“1968,” Roger repeated, almost in a trance after what Claire had told him. “Then… there’s a chance she hasna gone back yet.”

“A chance,” Claire agreed. “Though I couldn’t tell you the first thing about how we could even begin to find her… save camping out at the stones and watching for her.”

“And ye think it’s an ability that passes down from mother to child?”

Claire shrugged. “Or father. My own parents died when I was so young – when they were still very young – I doubt they ever even knew they had the ability, wherever one of them it came from.”

Fiona never took her eyes from the familiar road as she added, “Grannie and the others talk of it running in families – the fairies’ interest, that is. The tales say the fairies are like to take the daughters of women they stole before, mistaking the daughter for the mother.”

“Sounds like a way to explain something bein’ hereditary,” Roger conceded. “But all the tales I’ve heard speak of women taken. D’ye believe a man can pass through?”

“Geillis was only the first traveler I met,” Claire confessed, launching into an abbreviated account of her time in Paris and Master Raymond.

“But the question of whether you can is easily solved – you touch the stones and something either happens or it doesn’t,” Claire said, looking at Roger, watching him and the grip he had on the small pack of clothes and supplies he’d hastily grabbed on their way out the door. “The more important questions is will you try.”

“I wouldna feel right watchin’ ye go on yer own,” he said too quickly. “And I feel Brianna going is partly my fault. My contributions to the conversation hardly calmed her.” He looked out the window, avoiding Claire’s knowing gaze.

“Whatever your reason, I thank you for being willing to come and help me. I don’t know what might go wrong, but if anything should happen to me, it’s a comfort to know Brianna will have you there too.”

Roger continued looking away but nodded. He didn’t want to think of having to tell Brianna that something had happened to her mother (and that he hadn’t been enough to stop it).

“We’re here,” Fiona announced, turning onto the road that inclined gently upward to the hill and the standing stones crowning it.

**************************************

“Have you run away from home before?” Brianna asked quietly as she held tight to the edge of the cart, praying they wouldn’t hit a bump strong enough to send her falling to the dusty road below. Ian looked far too comfortable where he was perched on a wooden crate next to one of the back wheels. He swayed but Brianna quickly noted that his movements worked with the swaying of the cart, adjusting and correcting for every tilt and jerk.

“I dinna see it as running away,” he explained. “Put that way it sounds like I dinna mean ever to return. It’s more… a brief change of scene. And I do try always to make myself useful,” he added. “This visit I’m fetching my da what he needs for farmin’ the fields and to help my uncle wi’ his business. He usually has plenty of work and no enough help for it. One of these days, I’m goin’ to ask him can I stay wi’ him for good.”

They had walked for a few hours before a man with a cart came up along the road behind them. Ian ran alongside and launched into Gaidhlig so Brianna had no clue what he’d said to convince the man to let them ride along, but within a few minutes the cart slowed enough for Ian to help Brianna up into the back. They didn’t dare take out Ian’s food stores with the cart jostling along (and a third party who might request a portion as payment for the ride). Instead, they chatted to cover the noise of their grumbling stomachs and Brianna glanced around at a landscape more lush and beautiful than she felt she’d ever be able to appreciate fully in her own time.

“And what about you?” Ian asked, drawing Brianna’s attention back. “What were ye doing that ye became so lost?”

“I had an argument with my mother and took a walk to cool off. I just went further than I realized or meant to,” Brianna admitted, fighting the nervous impulse to laugh. She couldn’t have traveled much further if she’d tried.

“So… ye ran away?” Ian teased.

Brianna rolled her eyes at him, flushing as she heard him laughing at her.

“What was it ye and yer mam argued over? Was it to do wi’ yer da? Ye said she told ye it wansa the man ye thought. Did she tell ye much about the man who is yer father?”

“Yes, we fought about that. She lied to me my entire life – and about who I am. You’d be mad too if you found out yer father was someone you had never met.”

“Oh aye,” Ian agreed. “I’m named for my da. Dinna ken what I’d make of it were he no my father by blood… But I dinna ken it would change too much. He’s a good man, my da – better’n I ever manage. I dinna ken how to be like him so I dinna think it’s worth killin’ myself tryin’. Uncle – that is, I dinna feel my uncle is as disappointed in me when I do things wrong. Ken… there have been times when I wished my uncle was my father.”

Brianna said nothing. She had never wished for a different father – not that she could recall, anyway. There had been a few times she’d wished her mother were different – not that another woman was her mother, but that Claire had behaved more like other mothers, that sort of thing. But what if Frank had wished she were different? What if he had wished for a daughter more like him, a daughter who was actually his and not a reminder of the man his wife had left him for – a reminder that he was the consolation, that he was what was left when the love of his wife’s life was gone…

“Did she tell ye about him?” Ian pressed.

“Only a little and I wasn’t to inclined to pay attention. She said I look like him – my hair, my eyes, my height… She said he was smart and kind, that he spoke several languages and was a strong leader to the men who fought with him,” Brianna listed. She was amazed she remembered so much of what Claire had told her. She was ashamed it wasn’t more.

“Sounds a good man,” Ian told her. “Are ye sorry ye cannae meet him?”

Brianna shrugged. “You can’t miss what you’ve never had. I had a dad and he was pretty great. I’d want to have him back more than someone I never met… I think,” Brianna hedged. “I don’t know. Maybe part of me is curious, but what’s the point of wishing for it when it’s never going to happen?”

“I suppose that makes sense. Ye cannae be disappointed if ye never meet him, either,” Ian replied, a somber note in his voice. “But he might also be better’n ye could know if ye dinnae meet him and see for yerself.”

“Which, again, doesn’t really matter as it’s never going to happen.”

“Right,” Ian agreed quickly, looking away to where a small flock of birds startled upward from the moor – perhaps disturbed by the sound of their cart passing.

Brianna and Ian allowed the silence between them to stretch comfortably as the miles slowly accumulated behind them.

**************************************

Roger came to first, but it took him a while to sort out where he was and what had happened.

He was on the ground in the stone circle and everything seemed to pulse around him, a distracting buzzing fading in and out, ringing in his ears. When he turned his head, he saw Claire crumpled and unmoving a few feet away.

Cursing under his breath, Roger tried to roll in her direction but he found his body resistant to the idea, crying out in pain and frustration instead.

The noise succeeded in rousing Claire, however. With a loud gasp, she jolted upright, looking around until her eyes found Roger… and no sign of Fiona.

“Looks like we made it,” she declared, groaning as she struggled to her feet. “Though a little worse for the wear.”

“It was worse than ye said,” he grumbled, crawling to his pack which had ended up a few feet away.

“It gets worse each time,” Claire said. “I don’t… I don’t know if I’ll be able to get through again.” Panic hovered at the edges of her voice as she glanced to Roger. He could see her pushing it to the side as she moved to the edge of the circle and gazed down the hill toward the road.

“She has a significant head start on us, whichever direction she’s gone,” Claire started.

“Do ye think we ought to split up?” Roger asked. “If we go down the road in opposite directions, we can ask after her of anyone we meet. Then, if we know we’re on the right path, we keep after her and if we find she’s no been seen, we can turn back. We wait here till the other returns wi’ her and we all go back together.”

“That assumes she sticks to the road,” Claire countered.

“Have ye any reason to think she’d stray from it?”

“You mean besides the fact she took off here on her own in a huff and fell through inadvertently? It was dark when she came through. There’s a very good chance she missed the road altogether,” Claire theorized, yielding to her worst fears as she ran her gaze up and down the road, searching for impossible signs of Brianna.

“Do ye have another suggestion then?” Roger asked, the lingering headache from the journey and his own fears for Brianna adding to his frustration and erasing any care he might take for Claire’s position. “Hemmin’ and hawin’ willna accomplish anything but wastin’ time.”

“Well it looks like it’s delayed us enough to bring a small bit of good fortune our way,” she exclaimed, taking care as she started down the hill toward the road. “There’s a rider headed this way. You need to call out to him and ask if he’s seen a young woman hereabouts.”

“And why must it be me?” Roger queried, still frustrated and ornery as he followed her path of descent.

“I’m a sassenach in the Highlands,” she reminded him. “And a woman,” she added with annoyance.

“Right,” Roger sighed before beginning to wave his arms and call out to the man approaching on horseback.

The man slowed as he drew closer but he did not appear inclined to stop.

“My apologies, friends, but I’m on an errand that–”

He stopped the horse abruptly, color draining from his face.

Claire reached out and gripped Roger’s arm tightly, causing him to wince.

“Claire?” the man on the horse asked with breathless disbelief.

She responded in kind, “Ian?”

#Anonymous #;mod lenny #the high road and the low road au #alternate universe #canon divergence au

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laundryandtaxes · 3 years

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I get where you're coming from, but I think in this instance with Elliot Page it's more about the specific accomplishments/actions/statements made before transition and the rush to erase them and/or remold in terms of the new identity. I think people in the public eye have a bit of a different circumstance surrounding them since people/society have this weird thing with public figures where we consider them sorta authority/important figures above regular people and emulate or idolize them, so it's not quite the same as an average person living through the same situation. I feel like I wouldn't even bat an eye at an acquaintance or local person I've met before transitioning and I certainly wouldn't bother a stranger, but a celebrity is putting a certain message out there with their actions and how they handle their lives. It comes with being famous, and this whole thing with abandoning the past, changing the nature of past roles and works, and disavowing any statements made before transition as associated with womanhood or lesbianism is not exactly a good look. I also think that by becoming famous and choosing to live in the public eye, you open yourself up to public critique and you don't (and shouldn't) have the ability to fully control that. Honestly I think this situation could have been handled better or something if this is them living their truth, but it's not like you can change things that already happened anyway so 🤷‍♀️ it is what it is.

This is probably the only time I’ll address this because I honestly don’t care all that much BUT I do want to respond because I think you’re being honest and normal here instead of dishonest and weird, and I appreciate that, but there are several points where I disagree. I’m gonna pull and highlight different parts because I’ve been spending a lot of time on reddit and it seems the easiest to me.

it's more about the specific accomplishments/actions/statements made before transition and the rush to erase them and/or remold in terms of the new identity

That may very well be the case with SOME reactions, but I’m very much referring to people who, within a few hours of that social media post, were whining in public about someone they don’t know using a new name and pronouns.

I think people in the public eye have a bit of a different circumstance surrounding them since people/society have this weird thing with public figures where we consider them sorta authority/important figures above regular people and emulate or idolize them

I totally agree with you here, but if people are doing that then frankly they are acting stupid and that is their own fault. Celebrity culture is stupid. Buying into it is stupid. As grown adults it is stupid to be invested in what strangers do because they’re decent actors, or because they’re famous and gay or famous and black or whatever. If someone is engaging with celebrities in this way, that is their own fault, and it is a poor decision and it is honestly just...stupid. And I say that having been on the other side of that weird relationship on tumblr on a scale that is obviously about a million times smaller, where people will just assume because they’ve followed you for a long time that they can talk to you in ways that are disrespectful if you’re not a friend, or have the right to have input on your life, or place stock in you being a certain kind of way.

a celebrity is putting a certain message out there with their actions and how they handle their lives

Again, the issue here is that you THINK they are putting a certain message out there when in reality they’re just living a life, with good decisions and bad decisions like everybody else. They are literally just people, just like the other 7 billionish people on the planet. Was Paul Walker putting a certain message into the world when he crashed his sports car into a tree in a residential neighborhood and died? No, he was just being stupid and making a stupid decision and doing something to have fun. It truly is not that deep. Celebrities are nothing except human beings that some people choose to keep up with. They’re literally not even special. There are musicians as talented as all your favorites who you’ll never have the opportunity to listen to. There are actors as talented as whoever won the last big acting awards (I get them mixed up) at your local theater, I guarantee it.

this whole thing with abandoning the past, changing the nature of past roles and works, and disavowing any statements made before transition as associated with womanhood or lesbianism is not exactly a good look

I haven’t seen any of that, and if it is happening then yeah I agree it is stupid but also people say and do stupid things literally every single day and I shrug and move on. But even if it IS the case, it is not what the people I’m referencing here were bothered by. They were bothered by someone transitioning because they had an investment in that person (who again, is only special in the way that any other random human being you pull of the street would be special) not transitioning, and it is stupid to have that kind of investment in a straight up stranger. It is one thing when you have a buddy that you think is transitioning for the wrong reasons or with unrealistic expectations, and it is one thing to look at the rates of masculine female people who transition and just scratch your head because the rates of us who can only find dysphoria mitigation through transition cannot possibly be this high- both super reasonable imo. It is another to find out some random person is transitioning and whine about it on the internet and expect people not to regard that behavior as ridiculous when it is, in fact, ridiculous.

by becoming famous and choosing to live in the public eye, you open yourself up to public critique and you don't (and shouldn't) have the ability to fully control that

Agreed here. I also think that if you believed you were x and millions of people made fun of you for it, since again celebrities are literally just random people, you’d be upset by it. But agreed, at the end of the day you cannot and should not get invested heavily in attempts to control the way people look at you.

Honestly I think this situation could have been handled better or something if this is them living their truth

All due respect, I think the kinds of people complaining that I was referencing agree with you that the whole thing could have been handled better, but I think that “handled better” in their opinion means not coming out. Which, fair enough, but you have to own up to that and just cop to the fact that you generally oppose transition- it is much more reasonable to say that than it is to say you don’t generally oppose transition but every time you hear about it you assume it is coming from self hatred.

I’ve been pretty open about what I think about nonbinary identity (and, while I try to stay very uninformed on celebs in general, it is my understanding so far that that’s how they are identifying) AS it is expressed and discussed by the majority of people I’ve seen fully embracing it- I think the majority of the time it implies really antifeminist things about what men and women can do and like and look like and be like, I think it very often appeals to women because it sucks to know that the world hates women and to be one, let alone to be one who doesn’t fit the image of what women are supposed to be, I think it very often solidly reinforces gender roles by insinuating that people who do not fit the prescribed gender role for their sex are in fact a whole different entity because real women are straight and pretty or whatever, I think it very often hinges on this idea that the majority of people in the world are walking around with a gender identity when the vast majority are absolutely not- like I am not coming at this from the position that all kinds of identities are good and valid and reasonable and that there is NOTHING TO SEE HERE when it comes to the politics of how nonbinary identity is most often presented. I’m just saying that, if a random person who happens to be a celebrity picking a new name and pronouns really deeply shakes you then that probably indicates that 1) you have a baseline issue with transition in and of itself, which, okay but don’t pretend that that isn’t the case, and 2) you have a problem with celebrity worship and that is nobody’s fault but your own if you’re a grown adult.

#Anonymous

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luciehercndale · 3 years

Text

Dark Light // Blackdale

So... Last week, before the end of 2020, I had an idea about a multi-chapter Blackdale fanfiction. I’ve started it, and today I finished the first chapter. It’s a work in progress, therefore this chapter doesn’t end it. I’m trying my best to finish it before COI comes out, since I have an outline in my mind. Well, what to say... I hope you enjoy it!

Couple/Characters: Blackdale, Lucie Herondale and Jesse Blackthorn Rating: T Tw: tw death

Everyone of us puts their hopes and expectations into something. Wishing for things or wishing for people is what makes a human being move forward. There are some things that require weeks, months, to happen. While some others can happen in the blink of an eye.

When Lucie decided to bring Jesse back, she knew that it wasn’t an easy feat to accomplish. But as everything she ever did in her existence, she thought that it didn’t hurt to try. At least, if you tried, even if you failed, you would still be comforted by the fact that you have, indeed, done something to achieve what you wanted, although it didn’t turn out the way you hoped.

Lucie could say that she had tried every route, in order to accomplish this task. She started gathering information from books. She asked for help without revealing her aim when those she inquired were curious. She brushed it off that she was researching for one of her novels, which was a good excuse. No one would bother Lucie with questions, if the matter concerned her writing. They were all aware that she would disclose her findings during her read aloud sessions in the drawing room, but until then, they would remain secret.

She sneaked out during the night to seek the ingredients. She also consulted books that weren’t at the Institute. She consulted science experts (namely, her cousin Christopher), but their advice didn’t bring her anywhere. All of this, because she wanted to find a way that wouldn’t make her a criminal if she succeeded. She didn’t want someone to find out. Oh, someone would definitely find out if she were successful. But this didn’t mean that they would find her out.

After four months of trial and error, she had no fruit to harvest. Nothing had changed. She put the ingredients together and followed the instructions, but Jesse’s body lay still where it was. No spark, no life. Dead. And Lucie grew tired, but didn’t give up. It wasn’t in her nature to give up.

In the end, Lucie realized with resignation, the only way left was the one she hoped she would never have to try. Grace Blackthorn gave her a book, which she found in her stepmother’s library. It was called The Black Volume of the Dead, and Lucie thought it was ironic. But, at the same time, exactly what she needed.

It hadn’t been hard to look for the spell. It hadn’t been hard to find what she needed either. Still, even though she had everything, nothing was happening. She didn’t see anything different. Jesse still lain in his casket in his deadly beauty. Still unmoving.

Lucie was frustrated. For the first time in years, she was at her last straw. She thought about giving up. Perhaps she needed a warlock to help her. Until one night, she saw one of Jesse’s long fingers move nervously. It didn’t last long, but it was something.

Lucie's hands trembled now. His fingers clutched the sides of the casket. He was… The glass she was holding fell to the floor, echoing in the empty greenhouse in Chiswick. She needed water, since the night was humid, and she might as well have done something while she prepared to wait again, in the hopes that there would be a slight movement. Anything.

That was far more than just anything.

She stared at him as he started moving at once. He extended his arm, and flexed his hand. To anyone he would look like an average teenager who was waking up after a long rest. But Lucie knew he had nothing average about him, considering that she had just…

She heard a grunt, and watched as he helped himself in a sitting position. He seemed pained. Tired. He touched his forehead. He held himself on the sides of his casket, and Lucie noticed his eyes were shut. She feared that she had awoken a monster, a zombie. The whole scene reminded her of Shelley’s Frankenstein. Jesse erased any fear in her when he finally opened his eyelids, and looked around the room. He was clearly confused as he set his eyes on Lucie.

She didn’t know what to say. There was an “are you okay?” on the tip of her tongue, yet…

He was watching her. She was being silly. She needed to speak, she needed to -

“Who are you?”

Lucie gaped at him, and froze on the spot. She couldn’t move, and thought perhaps it was better to interact with him from afar. She didn’t know the extent of the spell she had done in order to bring him back. This could very well be one of the dire consequences. She sighed. She wouldn’t let it get to her.

Hold on to satisfaction. Hold on the accomplishment. You made it, Lucie.

“What are you saying?” she asked tentatively.

“Are you deaf? I asked... who are you?” he wondered, getting off what it once was his bed. His deathbed, she reminded herself. “Did you bring me here?” he tilted his head in the direction of the casket.

“But Jesse, we…” she ignored his question. It hurt that he thought she might have taken him there against his will. “Never mind, I guess I should have expected it.”

“You probably took me here because of my mother, right? She said she owed something to someone,” he told her, confirming her suspicions.

Lucie shuddered. “What? No,” she almost shouted. “What did she owe, precisely?”

Jesse crossed his arms on his chest. And he did it so naturally that no one would believe he was in a coma until five minutes ago. “I won’t talk until you’ve told me who you are, young lady.”

“Do you know who you are?”

“Is this a way to distract me and flee?”

“I didn’t kidnap you,” she said with determination, hoping he would believe her. “Quite the opposite.”

“You still haven’t answered, lady,” he frowned.

“I’m Lucie,” she sighed, chilling at his detachment. He had just called her lady, and his voice was laced with caution. “Lucie Herondale.”

His frown deepened, and he bit his lip, rummaging in his thoughts. “The name isn’t new,” he puckered his lips. Then, realization dawned on him. “Wait, I remember you.”

Lucie gazed up at him. He was the same Jesse, yet different. Her heart raced, but she tried not to put her expectations too high, seeing how he had forgotten about spending time with her while he was a ghost. “How so?”

“My mother told me about you, about the Herondale family,” he murmured, looking away, trying to remember.

Lucie’s mouth contorted in a welcoming smile, but she was afraid he would repeat the same things he told her the first time they met after several years, at the ball. She kept silent, waiting.

“I reckon we’re enemies, Lucie Herondale,” he said icily. “And this reinforces my idea that you’ve kidnapped me. You took me here to use me as a sacrifice for your spells, didn’t you?” He advanced closer to her, but still far enough away to keep a formal distance between two people who weren’t acquainted to each other yet. “My mother told me you Herondales are wretched. Your blood is corrupted by demons.”

He’s saying these things because he doesn’t remember, Lucie. This is what his mother told him. It’s not the truth. She thought, but she didn’t know what to say. The words didn’t come out of her mouth. To Jesse, her reaction was enough proof that he might have guessed right. He turned his back on her, and looked inside of his casket. “Where is it?”

“Where is it, what?”

“The sword. This was also about it, I presume,” he said, casting glances around the place. He seemed anxious to find it.

“It’s over there,” Lucie pointed at a spot nearby. She didn’t inform him that the reason she had displaced the sword was to avoid that he’d cut himself with it, if he were to wake up. But she was sure he wouldn’t believe her if she did.

Jesse took the Blackthorn sword and grinned. He looked satisfied, as if the only thing that mattered was that he hadn’t lost the only possession he’s ever claimed for himself, in his previous life. The sword didn’t have a case, and he took one of the linens that Lucie had scattered on the floor and wrapped it around it. The next thing she knew, he was rushing towards the exit of the greenhouse, his sword in tow.

“Wait, Jesse, wait!” she called after him. She grabbed his arm before he could leave.

He stopped, at least, but regarded Lucie’s hand on his forearm warily. She didn’t release him, though. “What is it? I’m sorry to inform you that your plan backfired.”

“I told you that I didn’t have a plan,” Lucie shook her head. “Never mind, it’s useless to reason with you, since you think I’m the enemy.”

“Because you are the enemy,” he spat calmly, trying to disengage his arm. “And you’re holding me here against my will.”

“You’ve always been held here, Jesse Blackthorn,” she reminded him. “Well, not exactly in the greenhouse, but still. In any case… please, don’t go inside of your house.”

He chuckled, amused by her words. “Why wouldn’t I? I should hurry and tell my mother there is an intruder who tried to experiment on me. I’ve seen the vials you set up in there, Lucie Herondale.”

“The very reason you’re there, is your mother!” she raised her voice. “I was just trying to - I’ve tried to bring you back for months.”

“Bring me back from what?”

“You were dead, you dummy!”

Astonishment passed over Jesse’s face, but it was quickly replaced by a frown. “And this, my dear, is proof that you’re a liar,” he said. “How can I be dead if I am flesh and bones? And you’re touching my arm.”

Lucie rolled her eyes. “Did you hear what I said? You were dead. Were. Past tense. You’ve been dead until a few minutes ago.”

He chuckled nervously. He didn’t seem convinced. “I can’t remember,” he told her, glancing away. “Therefore, I can’t believe you.”

“You don’t have to believe me for it to be true,” Lucie sighed. “If you go in there, your mother is going to lock you in and you’ll never see a soul again.”

“As if that would change anything.”

“It would change things,” she said, and took his hand in hers tentatively. She didn’t know what he meant with that line, but perhaps, it had something to do with Tatiana never letting Jesse or Grace go out of Chiswick without her supervision. Which was something rare.

He observed Lucie’s hands. She could see the wheels moving in his brain. Perhaps, she had convinced him a little.

“Look, I’m not trying to badmouth your mother or displace your faith in her,” she continued. “But you were the one who told me about it. That she liked to experiment on things,” she tried to be vague, but really, she meant living things. “That she, according to you, was probably the one who killed -” she stilled for a moment, “who killed you.”

Jesse’s eyes met hers, and he observed her for long before answering. Meanwhile, Lucie’s heart hammered in her chest. This was it. This was the moment he would trust her or not. She prepared for both outcomes.

“Those are hefty accusations,” he murmured, frowning. “Defamation, even.”

“It’s the truth.”

“Do you have any evidence of what you said, Lucie? Do you?”

It was clear to her that she had shaken him a bit, but it wasn’t enough. You were the main piece of evidence, she wanted to say, but didn’t. “No.”

“Then I guess it’s better you leave before my mother finds you,” he replied, retrieving his hand from between hers and turning his back.

Lucie watched him walk away from her. A sense of helplessness filled her. She had spent the last four months trying to find a solution to his problem. She had tried everything she could in order to bring him back, but he… Unshed tears pricked at the sides of her eyes, but she wouldn’t cry. She had accomplished her goal. She should be happy about that. But it wasn’t time to celebrate yet. She had to flee back to the Institute before Tatiana Blackthorn would find her there.

Taglist (if you want to be added or removed, send me a PM): @princesslucretia @kit-12 @immortal-enemies @lucian-evander @esa-emery @danieldyers @blackthorn-trash @rinadragomir @fortunesandfables @itsdaughterofthemoon @blxck-swxnn @thomastair3 @livvyheronstairs

#tsc #tlh #blackdale #lucie herondale #jesse blackthorn #the last hours #the shadowhunter chronicles #chain of gold #chain of iron #chain of thorns #tweety.writes #Tweety.txt

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i-like-plan-m · 4 years

Note

Something I've been thinking about is what if Madame Yu was just a bit more obvious in how much she hates wwx, and wwx ran away from Lotus Pier? It's clear his siblings matter more to him than anything else and he hates causing them strife. If he believes that he's the cause, he'd take steps to make them happy, right? I want to write story about that but I dont think I have the ability. If you ever wanted to write something like that I would be overjoyed to read it! - an0n

[Ao3] [Chapter 1/3]

I love this, thank you!! _____________________

“What are you doing?”

It was the fear in Jiang Cheng’s voice that stopped him.

Madam Yu’s last words to him still ringing in his ears, Wei Wuxian pasted on a cheery smile and spun on his heel to face his... to face Jiang Cheng.

“Ah,” he said on a little laugh. “Jiang Cheng…”

“She didn’t mean it,” Jiang Cheng said desperately, stumbling towards him with a panicked edge to his words. “You know that. She wasn’t serious, it’s just the same stuff as always.”

“I know,” Wei Wuxian said gently. That was exactly the problem. Madam Yu’s hurled abuse at her children hurt them, and Wei Wuxian was too convenient of an excuse for her to ever pass up. She would never stop, not while he was there to set her off again.

“You can’t leave,” Jiang Cheng said, curling a fist in the front of his robes and holding tight like he could keep Wei Wuxian in Lotus Pier if he just held on tight enough.

“Madam Yu is right,” Wei Wuxian said with a sad smile, reaching up to cover Jiang Cheng’s hand with his own. “I’ve spent too long causing trouble for her and the sect to stay any longer. I shouldn’t be a burden for you all anymore.”

“You’re not a-- did you even tell jiejie? Does she know you’re leaving?” He seized on Jiang Yanli, knowing that she was his weak point. “She doesn't know, does she? Were you just going to disappear?”

Wei Wuxian ached at the thought of Jiang Yanli, of never seeing her again or having her hate him for leaving. But Madam Yu had been clear-- she no longer wanted him at Lotus Pier. He’d heard such things from her before, basically ever since he’d been brought back by Jiang Fengmian, but Madam Yu’s use of Wei Wuxian as a way to torment and ridicule Jiang Cheng had only escalated since their return from the lecture at Cloud Recesses.

Without him, she would have fewer things to be angry about, and less anger to take out on her children and husband.

“I left shijie a letter,” Wei Wuxian said, swallowing roughly. He reached down to pick up his bag, Jiang Cheng still clinging to him, and took one last look around his room. He hoped whoever got it next appreciated the art carvings, the hidden stash of snacks and alcohol under the floorboard, the small, colorful trinkets he’d collected over the years.

Or maybe they would get rid of it all, erasing the signs that he’d ever existed here.

“Then go give it to her yourself,” Jiang Cheng snapped.

“I can’t,” Wei Wuxian said truthfully. He tried to smile, felt it waver in the face of Jiang Cheng’s betrayed expression. “It’s time for me to go, shidi. Ah, and think of it this way! Now you can have dogs again.”

“I don’t want the fucking dogs,” Jiang Cheng choked out. “I want you to stay here. You promised we would be brothers, in this life and the next. You promised.”

Yes, he had. But Madam Yu had told him she’d had enough of him taking advantage of their family, of him thinking himself a part of it when in fact he was nothing but a burden. When he did nothing but make Jiang Cheng and by extension their sect look bad.

So. Better to leave now under his own power before the rest of them started to feel the same, or Madam Yu made Jiang Cheng hate himself and resent Wei Wuxian even more than he already did.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could say. A thousand words between them and not a single one spoken, their relationship permanently fractured by the competition neither of them had signed up for, that neither of them had ever wanted.

Wei Wuxian’s presence at Lotus Pier made Jiang Cheng’s life harder. There was no way around the truth of it.

Jiang Cheng’s grip went slack, as though he realized that this was really happening, that his brother was leaving him behind. Wei Wuxian saw stark pain in his eyes before they shuttered, anger becoming his armor against such hurt.

“Fine,” he spat, but the hitch in his breath betrayed him. “If you want to leave so bad, then just go.”

“Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian said, torn to pieces at the anguish in his brother’s voice. “I don’t want to leave you or shijie. But…”

Jiang Cheng looked away. They both knew the real reason he was leaving. Coming to terms with it would be hard for both of them.

“I’ll write,” Wei Wuxian offered quietly. “If… if you want.”

“You’d fucking better write,” Jiang Cheng said, swiping impatiently at his damp cheeks. There was a brief pause, the tension softening into a quiet, shared grief. “Where will you go?”

“Who knows!” Wei Wuxian said, trying for cheerful and sounding uncertain instead. “There’s a whole world out there, you know. Plenty of trouble to find.”

Jiang Cheng made a familiar exasperated sound that made him want to laugh. “Weekly letters,” he threatened. “Or I’m coming to find you.”

Wei Wuxian’s smile was a little more genuine this time. “I can do that.” He hesitated, then added, “Can you…”

“I’ll tell jiejie,” Jiang Cheng said quietly.

“Thank you.” Wei Wuxian enveloped him in a hug, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears that threatened when Jiang Cheng gripped him back hard enough to bruise.

“I will see you again,” he promised, and felt the eyes of his brother watch him leave.

~*~

His new mantle of rogue cultivator hurt a little less when he thought of his parents. They hadn’t belonged to a sect after they married, and he wondered if they’d been happy to freely wander the world.

His one clear memory of them made him think so. There’d been laughter, and warmth, and a sense of safety and security that Wei Wuxian found himself wishing for during those first few weeks after leaving Lotus Pier.

Too much freedom, he’d discovered, was a hard adjustment to make. He had no responsibilities other than finding food and water, no duties or chores around a sect, and no sect leader to answer to.

He’d considered, briefly, going to Gusu. The lecture would be over by now, the guest disciples returned home. He wondered if Lan Zhan was happier now that the Cloud Recesses was quiet again. He wondered if Lan Zhan would even want to see him.

But after losing his home so abruptly, Wei Wuxian found that he did not want to go where he was not wanted. Usually he wouldn’t pay any attention to it, would not care what others thought of him or his presence, but now…

Well. He’d been kicked out of Cloud Recesses. Out of Lotus Pier. Neither would welcome him now. Maybe he could go to Qinghe and accomplish the trifecta of banishment.

The thought would be funnier if he weren’t so cold and hungry.

There was a trick to surviving as a rogue cultivator, and that was bartering. Larger towns were typically protected by sect cultivators who could banish spirits or ghosts. Smaller villages usually could not afford such services, so they would trade shelter and a hot meal for a cultivator’s help.

Wei Wuxian hadn’t yet made it far enough away from Yunmeng territory to find these villages. Mostly he hunted or fished to feed himself, and slept out in the open since he couldn’t afford to stay at an inn. It was a far stretch from his days in Yunmeng, never wondering where he would sleep or when his next meal would come.

He was lost in a way he hadn’t been since a recently orphaned child living on the streets and eating trash to survive. Funny, how these things came back full circle.

Wei Wuxian poked at his miserable little fire, hunched over it in the fading light within the forest to soak in the weak warmth it emitted. The wood was too wet to truly burn, still damp from the downpour earlier.

So was he, as a matter of fact. His wet robes clung to him uncomfortably, and he would take them off to let them dry if the descending night weren’t so cold.

Quiet voices had him lurching to his feet, Suibian in hand as he warily scanned the heavy shadows thrown by the trees. They were coming closer, light footsteps that echoed through the forest and hid the direction of their approach.

And then white robes bled out of the darkness, his heart skipped a beat in breathless, astonished hope… and then fell at the sight of a stranger’s face. The man’s companion wore dark robes like his own, a curious pair that moved in sync and spoke without words.

“Our apologies, Young Master. We did not realize there were others so deep into the forest,” the white-robed man said with a polite bow.

Wei Wuxian returned it, noting with a spark of interest that they carried swords that marked them as cultivators. “No apology necessary. I am Wei Wuxian,” he said, rising from the bow. “I was hunting for dinner and didn’t realize how far I’d walked before the sun set.” More like he’d had nothing to turn back for.

“My name is Xiao Xingchen, and my companion is Song Lan.” Xiao Xingchen looked around his campsite with a mild look of curiosity. “Are you traveling alone?”

“I am,” he said, his smile dimming despite his best efforts.

Song Lan studied him for a moment, then shared another brief, wordless conversation with Xiao Xingchen. “Do you have a destination in mind, Master Wei?”

“Ah… no? I’m just wandering,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You are welcome to travel with us, if you wish,” Song Lan offered. “Rogue cultivating can be dangerous and challenging on your own.”

Wei Wuxian looked uncertainly between them, remembering his recent vow to stop going where he wasn’t wanted. These two were obviously close, and he wondered if he would be intruding.

“As Song Lan said,” Xiao Xingchen added at Wei Wuxian’s hesitation. “You are welcome to join us.”

“Yes,” Wei Wuxian decided, spirits lifting. “I would appreciate your company.”

“We are headed for a nearby town,” Song Lan said. “Do you need to rest, or can you make it through the rest of the forest tonight?”

Wei Wuxian stomped the dying fire out and eagerly grabbed his bag. “No need to wait!” He followed them through the forest, grateful to have their company. The world seemed less lonely all of a sudden, and the companionship was a buoy for his spirits.

“Have you two been traveling together long?” He asked.

“We met a few years ago. I was raised in Baixue Temple,” Song Lan said, drifting gracefully over the uneven ground. “And Xiao Xingchen was a disciple of Baoshan Sanren.”

Wei Wuxian made a startled sound and nearly tripped over his own feet. Song Lan steadied him and traded a look with Xiao Xingchen over his head.

“Baoshan Sanren?” Wei Wuxian asked, stunned by the reminder that he had family left in the world.

“Yes,” Xiao Xingchen said, eyeing him with some concern. “Are you familiar with her?”

“She is my grandmother,” Wei Wuxian said distantly.

Xiao Xingchen’s eyes widened. “You are the son of Cangse Sanren? Adopted into the Jiang Sect as a child?” Wei Wuxian nodded, and Xiao Xingchen’s surprise morphed into a smile. “Your grandmother wishes to meet you, Wei Wuxian.”

Wei Wuxian was a little surprised she even knew he existed. “She does?”

“Yes, she does,” Xiao Xingchen said, smile lines crinkling at the corner of his eyes. “I can tell you where to find her, if you wish.”

What else did he have? No place to call home, no family left other than the immortal cultivator secluded on her celestial mountain-- and the part of his heart that urged him to find her, the only ones left in their line.

“There is no hurry,” Xiao Xingchen said gently when the silence stretched too long. “You are still welcome to travel with us as long as you wish. Your grandmother is a patient woman; you can take as long as you need.”

Wei Wuxian swallowed hard and paused to bow to him. “Thank you, Master Xiao. I… I think one day soon I would like to know how to find her.”

Xiao Xingchen nodded. “You need only ask.”

Wei Wuxian let the pair lead him out of the dark, unknown forest, with something like hope burning in his chest.

#anon #asks #the untamed #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jiang cheng #xiao xingchen #song lan #wei ying #lan zhan #my fics #my writing

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daes-of-august · 3 years

Text

Return of a Ghost

And here's today's conversation with Agate in story form.

I really don't know how to express how much talking to her again means to me, especially talking to her about the things she survived so I could heal.

It was summer, the bright afternoon sunlight shining through the window and casting a warm spotlight in August’s room. There was a ghost standing there just by the door. She stood still and silent, hands folded before her as if she wasn’t sure she was welcome anymore.

In truth, August wasn’t sure if she was either.

He’d missed her. He couldn’t even recall when the two last spoke. He’d seen her lurking at the edges of his vision, mismatched eyes watching him move forward while she remained still, but no words passed between them.

When did they grow so distant?

He’d missed her, and he knew how dangerous that was. She was never meant to stay, never meant to linger like a shadow of all they both tried so hard to leave behind. But here she was, and part of him was happy to see her.

The silence was dragging on, and as he stared, Agate looked like she was about to leave, to disappear back to whatever pocket of his mind she’d been hiding in.

“Where have you been?” August found himself asking.

Agate offered a tired lopsided grin. “Where do you think?”

“You’ve just been… here?” August knew the answer, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“Yeah. I don’t think I can disappear entirely.” Agate looked down at her hand. “As it turns out, you can’t just erase all of the bullshit in your past.”

“Then why not come back? Things are different now, just look around. You can come back, join me and Cobalt and Cairo –”

“No, August,” Agate interrupted. She slowly made her way to the table beside the window, reached out to touch the leaves of the many plants that sat there. “Just because I’m still here doesn’t mean you should do anything about it. You’ve moved on, and I get it. You deserve to move on, we’ve fought hard enough for it. Just leave me like this. I can’t undo myself, but you shouldn’t have to see or hear me. It’s alright, I promise. Let me keep your past for you.”

“Do you still feel that way? The way we did back then?” August could hardly even remember how that felt. It seemed so long ago.

“I do. It’s different now, but I still carry it.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” August insisted. “Not like this.”

Agate’s grin widened into her signature sneer, far too many teeth glinting in the light. “You’re not gonna fix me, August,” and her voice was as firm as it was kind. “As I said, you can’t just erase all the stuff that’s happened to us. If I’m not gonna hold it, then you will, and we’ll all be right back where we started. Let this go, August. I’m serious.”

“So am I!” August took a deep breath and gestured to the spot on the couch beside him. “Sit, Agate. At least talk to me. Hear me out.”

Agate sighed and the sound reflected a bone-deep exhaustion that August had all but forgotten. She was just barely smaller than he was, but she looked so heavy as she sat. “I’m listening.”

“I can’t just pretend you’re not here,” August said. “It doesn’t matter what our intentions were. You’re here now. We can’t just pretend otherwise.”

“I’m not telling you to pretend,” Agate told him. “I’m telling you to move on –”

“But it’s the same thing, isn’t it?” August turned to face her fully, and he was reminded of who they’d been before. She’d been his counterpart, his other half. Things were different, but he felt like she still was. “I am you,” he said. “And you are me. What happened, happened to us, and if you carry it, then so do I. Letting you just fade away isn’t moving on, it’s repression.”

“It happened, it hurt, but it’s over now,” Agate huffed. Her eyes made him think of fire, but there was a horrible sorrow behind the flames. “There’s nothing to be done about it now. What exactly do you think ripping open old wounds is going to accomplish?”

“Because it’s not over,” August told her. “We’re better and things are different, but it won’t be overuntil we can face it and win and we’re finally in a place to do that.”

“Or you can just let me take everything back to the shadows with me.” The grin was gone. She was getting agitated, fingers curled into claws against her knees. “August, just let me do this. Please. Go on with Cairo and Cobalt –”

“But I want you too!” August felt like his heart was breaking and his eyes burned. “You’re more than what we went through. Cairo helped me pick up the pieces, but you’re the one who lived it. You’re the one that was strong enough to carry a broken world on your shoulders and keep it together until it could heal. Your determination, your stubbornness, your ability to survive. It’s all a part of me, of us, and it’s a part worth saving.” The tears finally came, rolling down his nose even as he tried to hold them back. “We’re worth it, Agate. The both of us, we’re worth it. I know it might hurt, and I’m terrified of what we might find, but what we can beis worth going back and facing what hurt us. I’m done running, and I’m done hiding. I want to see where Cobalt takes us, and I want you to come with me. So will you at least try? Come back to me?”

Agate was silent for a long moment. Then she leaned back and hummed. Her hands uncurled and reached out to touch August’s face. “There’s no need for tears, you crybaby.”

And August found himself smiling. “Yeah, I know.” He sniffed and rubbed at his eyes. “So, you’ll come back? I think Cairo misses you, and you still haven’t met Cobalt –”

“Slow down a bit,” Agate told him. “I’m… not ready for all that. Give me some time, yeah? I know you’re ready to move on, but I’m not. Not yet, anyway.”

“Okay.” August nodded to himself and glanced around. He and Agate were the only two in the room, the other daemons temporarily tucked away to give them some privacy. It was strange, being in a room without them, but Agate’s presence no longer held the air of foreboding it did earlier. “You and I can talk though, right?”

“Of course.” Agate stretched her arms over her head. “Don’t worry, I’ll meet the daemon brigade soon enough. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to talk to him anymore, but I missed Cairo. And I’m really curious where the hell Cobalt came from. They seem like a lot of fun.”

‘Be nice,” August pleaded.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be good to the baby.” She leaned back and closed her eyes and for the first time since she stepped into the room, she looked almost at peace. The light of the setting sun suited her, and August could almost imagine they were Home. “But first, let me just get used to being in this world again. I missed this.”

August just continued to watch. He felt like he was seeing a ghost returning to life, a glimpse of gold beneath the shadow and rust. They both were different, everything was different, but he supposed some things could stay the same. “Me too,” he said quietly, and turned back to the window.

#daemon #daemonism #about agate #my writing

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